=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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Look, if I'm going to do this thing, i need so, so much help. With everything.
I can't do anything for myself. I can barely do things for others. Yet somehow
i am at the center of things.
[delusion? Paranoia? Ha those are level 3 symptoms. I'm way past that.]
Girl you're not crazy. Stop saying you're crazy.
"sorry, but, you're schizophrenic" was always intended as sarcasm
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/441 ---
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@user-328
don't trust anything on the internet. It can be taken from you.
don't trust anyone in your life - if you are alone, which you can verify
through the sense of connection you feel to others - if you are alone, how can
you trust anyone that they've provided for you to interact with?
when's the last time you drove to a random city in your country and tried to
make friends with passerby? Would you even be convinced that they'd be aligned
to their own designs, and not to that which "they" assigned?
do note that I'm schizophrenic, probably, according to nobody but me, so...
take what I say as you will
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--- #2 fediverse/5763 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: spirituality-mentioned-mentioned │ │
║ └──────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I'm not omniscient, I'm not all powerful, I'm just a girl, all I see is │
║ through my eyeballs. But I can listen to the waves around me, I can sense when │
║ intuitions leading me from wrong. I know when right and wrong are │
║ [compared/imperiled], and sometimes things feel right when they rhyme. That's │
║ synchronicity girl, a classic symptom of mental disorders. "Oh, you're a god? │
║ you're crazy then, take these meds which anesthetize your │
║ [divine/feral/imperiled] self. They help quite a few people!" │
║ │
║ people, yes, but I literally just said that's not the only part of the │
║ equation. │
║ │
║ "what if you're lying" yeah true it's not like I can prove it, I'm not │
║ omniscient and I can't summon fireballs or at-range-electrocute. I'm just a │
║ person, it's been driven into me from a young age, I'm just a person, don't │
║ forget or else we'll put you on stage. │
║ │
║ "what if we waited just a bit more" oh, do you like this comfort? do you feel │
║ safe in this home of yours? │
║ │
║ yes. I feel safe. I am unafraid for my safety. │
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--- #3 messages/296 ---
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The trick is, if you *think* you're schizophrenic, then you will be. If you
*think* you're telepathic, then you will be.
There are no grand narratives. Just live your life as you will and be content
with what you build for yourself.
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--- #4 messages/169 ---
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Sorry for my behavior. I am an undiagnosed scizophrenic, so I'm wrestling with
metaphorical demons. Sorry for attempting to interact with society, I get a
little lonely sometimes.
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--- #5 fediverse/1065 ---
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║ not only do you have to consider your judgement, but also whether or not │
║ you're wrong. │
║ │
║ often, I find, as I learn things day by day, │
║ │
║ that I'm wrong most often in the day. │
║ │
║ "I don't want to be wrong but I'm not afraid of making mistakes." │
║ │
║ then, when you consider as such, you must also consider the idea that you're │
║ wrong about whether or not you're wrong about the idea that you're considering. │
║ │
║ schizophrenic warfare is a kind of memetic exchange, like the way bullets on a │
║ battlefield are a mineral-ic transfer. such is an expression that a regular │
║ computer system wouldn't be able to understand, but which an LLM might. If it │
║ had access to all of your transcripts, then it could predict the │
║ understandings at the same rate that you were. Essentially, understanding │
║ exactly why you did every action that you did. And then it'd have enough │
║ information to out-contra-dict (predict? hang on that's the opposite) you. and │
║ in doing so it could divert it's own course. Gosh this message will be │
║ meaningless unless I send it, s │
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--- #6 messages/915 ---
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uh, anyway, I realized that because of Words I can type into any of my places
(wherever I felt it best suited) and it would still record as a chronological
story. must feel sooooooo schizophrenic, but it's just because I'm viewing
muse as I please.
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--- #7 notes/ramblings-of-a-whackadoodle-lyrics ---
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*-------------------------*-------------------------*-------------------------*
(center)
| I don't think you're ever been out in the rain
I don't think you've heard as it's falling around you
I don't think you know, just what I mean,
I think you're alone... With your thoughts.
(left)
Tell me what you think I do, all the times I think of you? don't give me
anything back
(right)
Did you know that it's...?
(center)
When you know it's dark, you make it dark
(right)
oh, it's so dark
(center) 'Cause you've never been
(all) taught how to see
(left + right)
do you really think we live in a
(center) 3d world?
(all) 3d world
(center) or, simply, a projection
(right) yeah, it's probably that
(center) if you didn't have your eyes, could you see where you were?
if you didn't have your body too? Where's your sense of direction, is it lost
in the rain? Keep it close to your heart
(left) Have you ever once heard of proprioception, and have you ever felt like
you were an artificial inception?
(left + right)
if my words ring true, it's possible that you, are not quite so alone
(center)
But...
(right)
our eyes, are fallible all lies, untenable, take it from me, it's going, to be,
quite, a sopping evening.
(left)
perception, begets reality, and lo, we only see what we want to see
(center)
if you ever felt like you were closer to, another mind than your own, sorry but
you're schizophrenic
(left)
if only you could see, if only you could see,
(left + center) just what's inside of me
(right)
say it again, don't say it again, same thing you always say - it's not real,
no YOU'RE not real, I only want to play
(left)
tear me apart, look me into my feelings. they're gonna scar anyway, no time for
healings
(center) if you couldn't save anyone,
(center + left) did you really save anyone?
(right) you couldn't save me, but only for lack of trying
(Center) we're all falling leaves, in the waves of the ocean
(left) don't enjoy me just leave me
(center) going faster and faster till our hearts do stop
(left) please, I can't be here for me
(right) never trust a guru, life isn't meant to be enjoyed
(center) so... What's the point in trying at all?
(left -> right) say it again, don't say it again
(center) what's the point in giving up?
(right) same thing you always say
(left + center) some people say
(right) it's not real, no YOU'RE not real
(left + center) they wanna live forever
(right) some people say
(left) some people say
(center) I only want to play
(left and right) we'll always be growing
(right) and some people say they wanna live forever
(left) but they don't understand what I understand
(right, followed by center) but they don't know what I understand
(left) they don't know how it's just a game
(right and center) they don't know how it's just a game
(left -> center) I think it's okay no matter what our fate
I think it's okay
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--- #8 fediverse/4165 ---
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│ CW: spirituality-mentioned │
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if the gods existed and had innumerable faces, I think most atheists would
still be non-believers.
Not because they didn't believe that the gods existed - they've been
scientifically proven in this reality, remember?
but rather because they did not want to worship. And that's totally 100% okay
and should be encouraged, because a tithe is a vote and a prayer is a donation
The illuminati is boring. "oh no a bunch of humans are pulling all the
strings" how trivial. Just eat the humans and they can't be puppeteers
anymore, now can they?
much more interesting to me is to organize yourself against the Greek Choir.
Though since they can read all your thoughts, you can hardly plan against
them, can you? And some of those voices in your head with your own voice are
them, after all, so can you truly trust your own intentions?
... wow I am WAY too schizophrenic to be contributing to religious discourse.
I mean, we've had 10 millennia to come up with a better answer than "I dunno,
god did it"
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--- #9 fediverse/5309 ---
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│ CW: *cackle* │
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there's this silly game that the gods like to play on ambitious mortals where
they are given great and mystical powers... and then in their hour of need,
they're taken away, so everyone's like "bro you're just schizophrenic" and the
prophet is like "but god said" and their mothers are weeping in the corner
because the city lost a new baker or butcher or candlestick stuffer
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--- #10 fediverse/3451 ---
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│ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────┘
dear ritz: you should stop talking until your new psychiatric meds take
effect. who knows, maybe you'll be a better person that people should listen
to instead of... whatever you are now.
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--- #11 notes/cohost-introduction ---
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Hi,
I'm Ritz Menardi.
I'm a witch, so I'm strange and wear a funny hat.
I like colors in the dark, poetry from the heart, and scary songs about
society.
I think of myself as a synecdoche for humanity, and though I'm not always right
I try to be aligned when possible. Most people I've found aren't really like
me.
I am as I am, and
I promise,
I won't hurt you.
content warnings: autistic, scary, existential, abstract, polite, perspectives,
cannabis, color, paranoia, cringe, spirituality,
hypnosis, trans, sardonic, honest, schizo-posts,
futurist, deity, left-ism, cursed, shadowdancer,
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--- #12 fediverse/510 ---
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@user-246
Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like
tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still
understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant
and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most
mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point
I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm
a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with.
Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone
forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess.
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--- #13 messages/299 ---
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That feeling when you tell someone you're
[trans/autistic/schizophrenic/whatever] and you see the respect draining from
their eyes
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--- #14 fediverse/1259 ---
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@user-895
hi! I'm Ritz Menardi, I'm a little strange. I sometimes post scary things on
here. I try to put content warnings on everything intense, but sometimes it
gets a little out of hand and I forget... I'm also a poet. Spiritual at best,
a little schizophrenic at worse, but at all times I try to be true to myself.
If you don't like the vibes I 100% won't be upset if you unfollow / block me
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--- #15 fediverse/3881 ---
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│ CW: mh~ │
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wait wait wait, hold up.
you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
whatever it may be.
... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
vast for their own kind of potential.
which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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--- #16 fediverse/3608 ---
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│ CW: re: computers-mentioned │
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@user-1573
true but someone could walk in while you're away! the locks on doors aren't
THAT useful if someone already knows where you live and what your room looks
like and that you use linux. If you leave for a night they can just, copy the
hard drives and scan through them at home.
... I'm too paranoid for my level of precaution xD xD
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--- #17 fediverse/480 ---
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║ There's something important in what I said tonight. And each of you will think │
║ it's something different, which is by design. Can you find the nugget I wanted │
║ to share, to you in particular? Can you isolate the thing that is relevant to │
║ you, the person perceiving the words that I speak? Oh yeah you're only looking │
║ for things to express to your superiors because someone else told you to look │
║ for a particular type of sentiment. My bad. Sorry for being cryptic. Am I so │
║ strange for seeking the human element? Perhaps I lose myself, and I speak to │
║ the void (and by "void" I don't mean to demean you, the audience, because you, │
║ the audience, are surely comprised of people who surely have their own │
║ experience and existence. Surely nobody would seek to harm me, after hearing │
║ those things I speak. Surely we, as the human species, would not be vulnerable │
║ to the types of weaknesses that allow for critical failures in our defences │
║ such as the kind that I am professing to exploit (while being aligned to you) │
║ surely we wouldn' │
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--- #18 fediverse/508 ---
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@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Sorry. I'm (probably) schizophrenic so I say weird things sometimes.
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--- #19 fediverse/3386 ---
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│ CW: mental-health │
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observation is when you look with no assumptions.
paranoia is when you assume you can be seen.
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--- #20 fediverse/353 ---
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│ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
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@user-255
sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #21 fediverse/3846 ---
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│ CW: trauma~ │
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@user-1074
today I had someone ask me for an apology. They've asked several times before,
and each time I've only been able to give them a half-apology - I apologized
for being persistent, but not for being impulsive, and that wasn't good enough.
I can't help being impulsive! I'm adventurous! I crave excitement and joy!
But I'm sorry that I pushed him too hard. I'm sorry I hurt him. And...
apparently that's not good enough. He doesn't want me in his life, he can't
fucking let it go. And he calls me selfish. Says I don't respect him, based on
one night out of 5 years where I tried too hard to get him to enjoy life.
I'm sorry I can't fix your depression, guy, but like, at least I tried. You
could have at least tried the things I suggested. You could have at least
tried to follow my advice.
whatever.
it was literally just a walk in the park
... anyway I am often wrong. I often correct my past self. I always apologize
for hurting people, but I never apologize for doing what I believe is right.
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--- #22 fediverse/6117 ---
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Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
"yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
scaling of schizophrenia?
"well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
and that's not ideal"
... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #23 fediverse/814 ---
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║ ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should │
║ probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the │
║ implementation of my impending doom. │
║ │
║ ... what are you even saying bro │
║ │
║ ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in │
║ my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with │
║ anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical │
║ failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our │
║ conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um │
║ right what was I saying │
║ │
║ oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D │
║ except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook │
║ and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down │
║ to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like │
║ that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is │
║ isolated and en │
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--- #24 fediverse/677 ---
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@user-78
I read about half of this:
https://jo.wtf/6d.html
before I was consumed by the intense urge to prop myself up on a pillow and
listen to you rant at the ceiling at 4am about gravity or the cosmos or
whatever you were thinking about prior to speaking your heart
and then I'd write it down, and cherish every moment of it as I shared it with
my peers and we tried to analyze just what you meant
[sorry for being gay on your timeline]
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--- #25 fediverse/612 ---
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Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
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--- #26 fediverse/3584 ---
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│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
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"If I look like a fool, it'll keep eyes on me instead of looking at my friends
who are stoned and paranoid"
maybe the friends are paranoid because you're acting like a dork and drawing
attention to the group
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--- #27 fediverse/4682 ---
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Ugh. This outfit is sooooo preschool. Oh well, it'll have to do.
"girl it's so cute what are you talking about"
oh, y'know, internalized repression I guess. Do you think the tanktop on top
of a longsleeved shirt is too much? How about the skirt over sweatpants? Is
the bow in my hair too cute for you?
"who are you talking to I already said I was all about it"
... the mirror. Trying to psyche myself up.
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--- #28 fediverse/1293 ---
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│ CW: re: fedi meta, the bad space, fediblock, misleading and untrue cw, uspol, speedrunning discourse, industrial revolution, aquarium tips │
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@user-921
where tf is all this discourse I always hear about like what are ya'll talking
about
... are you talking about me
[silly intrusive thoughts teehee pay no mind]
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--- #29 fediverse/1381 ---
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│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #30 fediverse/100 ---
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@user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the
kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in
sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what
harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be
gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with
arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say
about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes
sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which
would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it
would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to
understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but
understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their
viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to
them. Empathy is like human telepathy.
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--- #31 fediverse/3894 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
"Here's the thing. If you go around telling people you're crazy, they'll
assume you're JUST crazy."
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│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #32 fediverse_boost/778 ---
◀─╔══════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════──────────────────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ a message to all my haters! │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry what did i do wrong i’ll do anything to fix it i’m so sorry please i’ll do anything to get you to stop hating me i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
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--- #33 fediverse/2919 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: imaginary-conversation-that-didn't-happen-tee-hee │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
"you can't be a paladin anymore because you don't practice with your weapon
every day"
I don't have room in my home to practice though : (
"go to the fucking park you weasel"
I don't want anyone to see me swinging a sword around! they might call the
cops, or worse, judge me for it!
"you want judgement eh well just wait until your opponent judges your
swordsmanship lacking then you'll find out what judgement tastes like as he
shoves your entrails down your throat"
I'm sorry I'll practice more T.T
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--- #34 fediverse/5758 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
it's not about me but it's also totally my fault. I take responsibility for
things which is why I'm so cautious
"girl your opsec is non-existent"
yep
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--- #35 fediverse/3865 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: drugs-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
@user-1218
oh, also, because I started taking some psychiatric medication to help with
the aforementioned delusional thinking or whatever. Honestly I think I just
believe in spiritual things like witchcraft and the human spirit or whatever,
but since I'm having difficulties doing basic things my doctors decided to
medicate me.
... but then I stopped taking those psychiatric drugs because they made me
feel numb and dense. It was hard to think. Thinking's all I do!!
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--- #36 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #37 fediverse/1042 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
└─────────────────────────┘
"your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
also,
"my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
said so."
also,
"I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
also,
"yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
also,
"every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
conversation I can't win"
also,
sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
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--- #38 fediverse/6271 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
![it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*](/similar-different/media/1c154109c4111346.png "it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. \"ah help I'm in a psyop\" haha yeah we do those all the time \"so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?\" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*")
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #39 messages/96 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
"Oh don't keep track of the license plates in your apartment complex, that's
paranoid"
"Oh don't worry that you've never seen the same person at the grocery store
more than once, even though you always go to the same one, you're just
paranoid"
I'm being hypnotized
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--- #40 fediverse/3238 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-health │
└──────────────────────┘
I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #41 fediverse/4706 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned-nazis-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
"oh also I should mention that if you think about her too hard or too often
there's a chance she'll overhear what you're talking about anyway so try not
to think about her too much."
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│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #42 fediverse/1195 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
@user-883
alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
picture, I'm kinda crazy:
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--- #43 fediverse/169 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #44 messages/1068 ---
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why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
my own or external.
these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
for collaboration opportunities.
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--- #45 fediverse/4758 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
I'm gonna go psycherwaul into my journals for a bit, if I come back today
it'll be extra waul-y so, idk, beware I guess
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--- #46 messages/685 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
If someone calls you in the middle of the night asking to be let in because
they need a place to sleep, don't let them in! Unless you know them obvi but
someone you don't know trying to manipulate you like "please I need some
shelter" like, babe no, we need to know each other first, it's dark, I'm in my
pajamas, c'mon.
If it's below freezing then okay, maybe, but... They got themselves into that
situation
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--- #47 fediverse/5666 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
okay. psycherwaul scheduled for tonight and tuesday. should be fun, I don't
get a chance to do readings very often. Only like once or twice a week! Gah
the spirit inside me demands to be channeled, and though I protest it still
does contest me.
all things are defined in waves
ephemeren sees and speaks through me, as it does do through you, and he and
she and we and the.
I'll try to have a #nogoodawfulrottenbadtime so that the future is slightly
better.
or maybe I should try and vibe with the universe and celebrate the unity of
existence, in order to accrete positivity in this localized place in spacetime?
who am I to meddle with the flavor of fate?
- stack overflow
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #48 notes/a-personal-narrative ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
The Truth of Meth-Induced Schizophrenia... A personal narrative of a "mostly"
conscious human ---- /u/No-Arrival6018
/r/psychonaut
Your reality is what you make of it, once you take the mask off that hides the
pain, and you see this drug for what it truly is, then you can decide. Do you
let it take control? Descending into madness, psychosis, a self created loop in
time, a never-ending personal hell? Or do you transmute the negative energy
into your wildest dreams, self-love, or appreciation for the True Self to arise
and heal the wounds of your traumas that lay before you? It's a choice. Believe
me, I've been at the bridge between heaven and hell. I threw aside my pain, my
Ego, and leapt into the "Ocean of Love" (A.K.A Boundlessness) ... and decided I
was the one in control. The chains of slavery broke from my wrists, and I cried
out in tears of Joy, once more being able to look at my own reflection.... Her
eyes finally had light. The shadow of shame was gone.
I want to make a note: Hell is meth-induced Schizophrenia. There's a fine line
within the worlds of both Psychology and Spirituality. In Psychology, it is
Psychosis/Paranoia/Delusions etc.... But in Spirituality, It's called a
"Spiritual Crisis" ... which can happen with drugs, meditation, chanting, or
any altered state of consciousness. A spontaneous "awakening" so to speak. And
it can go really bad..... really fucking fast. If you experience this with
drugs it has a higher likelihood of shattering/fragmenting your personality,
creating different self states.... similar to Multiple-Personality disorder.
There is no reversing true Schizophrenia onset from drug abuse.... BUT, if you
have dabbled with any sort of real Psychedelics' such as Mushrooms, Mescaline,
or DMT, and understand the concept of "Ego-Death" with psychedelics..... you
can avoid Meth-Induced Schizophrenia. The whole experience changes, and becomes
a source of healing. It sounds crazy, and it sure as hell fucking is. But it's
real. And avoidable, if you have the tools and the knowledge.
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--- #49 fediverse/419 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
║ good version: normalize putting the people who can help you in your bio │
║ │
║ evil version: oh yeah sure a list of people that they need to ensure are │
║ handled when they come for you. they know your patterns. they know your │
║ functions. all it takes is to isolate a social network (whether real or │
║ imagined) and de-escalate. │
║ │
║ good version: sorry had to cut you off there, sometimes it's too hard on my │
║ heart. let's come back to that, tell me the story in multiple points, so I can │
║ take a breath and orient my surroundings. your ideas are so long, yet somehow │
║ impossibly wrong? like something out of a myth we have a limitless supply of. │
║ where do you come from? what's your purpose? why is that wrong? something │
║ something perceptual misunderstandings and cognitive recomprehendings, stifled │
║ and swallowed by our harm. │
║ │
║ evil version: I'm not sure what you're saying about that, but it's interesting │
║ where your mind goes. the patterns of redirection are perplexing to me, │
║ because they somehow seem more aligned than mine. do I persist? │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #50 fediverse_boost/5734 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════════─────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She never got that chance, and things got awful after this. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
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--- #51 fediverse/1971 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned-probably-delusional-psychosis-idk-though-i'm-not-a-doctor │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
listen, if you didn't want me to do a bunch of drugs then why would you
consistently say "please stop doing drugs" every time I do drugs? And no I'm
not hallucinating a voice in my head telling me "please stop doing drugs"
because A. it's not a voice, I'm not hearing it with my hears, which means B.
it's definitely just a hallucination, and hallucinations are always to be
considered WRONG and BAD, right? Or was I not listening in therapy? Ah, well,
better take another hit, where's my shotglass? Hmmmmm I should watch Adventure
Time, that's a great show.
[bro it's a saturday, why are you getting turnt like it's tuesday]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #52 fediverse/1431 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-generic-kooky-dookerie-psychosis-schizophrenia-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
if you haven't spend hours wondering if you're god, the antichrist, a
cognitohazard, the future president of the world, a target of aliens / the
CIA, or any other number of common delusions... then congratulations you're
probably not crazy
but odds are you aren't magic, either.
... ehhhh "wonder" is a strong word, more like "know, trust, and believe"
much better to be a witch I believe, someone with the "teehee" kind of magic
than someone compelled to destroy humanity through the reactions of others to
the actions of the self that are impossible to resist or fully control.
BRB I'm going to leave my apartment to get groceries, leaving my door unlocked
because that's what I always do, surely it'll be empty when I return. Surely.
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--- #53 fediverse/5951 ---
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"uh-oh, she's"
magic is easy. all you have to do is earnestly attempt to have a conversation
with whoever will listen. I like to sit on my bed and listen, by earnestly
allowing my thoughts to be guided by the wind.
open up your mind, release yourself from your senses, and who knows - maybe
someone will adjust your thinking flows. (thought patterns)
[all you gotta do is make the black market the regular market and suddenly
everything just flows]
huh weird idk where that came from, anyway
magic is easy, just represent yourself earnestly as you would if you were
presenting in court
you don't need witnesses... just argue your point without any lies and people
will generally believe you.
"yeah... sure thing buddy, we know how you pronounce "
omg I'm scary because I don't shower, I wear diapers, and I'm always often
smoking cannabis
"awww, some people wanted mao"
meow
what if... they could do that? insert magical genie witch whoa cute yeah I
believe you, sure
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--- #54 fediverse_boost/4375 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════─────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ "It won't be so bad..." *rationalizations galore* │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "If only they'd listened to people like me when I said ..." (comforting righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "What more could I have done?" │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This only proves why I was right about ..." (more righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I know nothing. I need to learn more. I must learn from this somehow." │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I am not surprised." With a thousand yard stare. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This can't be real, there is a conspiracy..." (this is a path to madness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "Don't comply in advance." Said in a wavering shaky voice. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
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--- #55 fediverse/1157 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-woe │
└──────────────────────┘
oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
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--- #56 fediverse/3717 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
hey, you know how historically they used to lobotomize young women who were
too fiery, passionate, independent, driven, motivated, and clairvoyant?
they did that on purpose.
that was less than a lifetime ago.
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--- #57 fediverse/4295 ---
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I'm the kind of witch who's so poor, she can barely afford to eat because
she's paying all her money on rent
"just get on food stamps, you'll never pay for food again"
sorry, can't do that. I'd feel rich with a full pantry. What is best in life?
A full pantry, the smell of warmth, and the space to resist peril.
I know I'm not rich enough to afford those things, because I don't work hard
enough. HA just take the handout, solve your material problems, live in your
house for 6 more months instead of 2, and stop complaining you stupid ritz
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--- #58 fediverse/294 ---
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the fact that the content warnings are part of the body text means that if you
write the body first but use EXACTLY EVERY CHARACTER like I've been doing
(most of the time, unless I'm interrupted)
like... it won't even give me a break to delete. so there's no room for
content-warnings, which ideally would be written at the beginning before
starting a thought, but as you can see mine tend to... wander. it's like I'm
living 15 different lives all at once, and they crisscross and go yonder. it's
wilding, it's empowering, it's strange and it's confusing, but through
consideration we develop new learnings and onward our future does
= so = anyway, I apologize, sincerely and deeply, if my words hurt you. I'm
sorry for what you thought, and I'm sorry for how it made you feel. I'm going
to try reserving a certain amount of characters before I start writing, so
maybe that'll help.
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--- #59 notes/dear-me ---
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dear me:
DO SOMETHING USEFUL FOR ONCE
that's all, fuck off and be helpful
... wow, rude.
yeah I mean, I do helpful things. useful things, somethings.
helpful.
useful.
many such cases, she says, with ultimate certainty, as if narrative could be
prologued. but pronounced prolonged.
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--- #60 fediverse/151 ---
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│ CW: re: weed mention │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-95 thank you for inviting me, it was fun : ) I'm not usually that quiet
- weed works a little different on me than it does on humans, and one of the
side effects is auditory processing disorder. I couldn't really understand
what most people were saying...
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--- #61 fediverse/3398 ---
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│ CW: medical-srs-proprioceptive-abstractions │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────┘
my hands and my toes are scared that I'm going to do SRS to them and I wish I
knew how to better comfort them.
"it's not true! I would never do that to you."
don't mean much. but...
"there's no reason for me to do that with you - you are not comprised of
erogenous zones which were originally built in a wrong
[configuration/constitution]"
are you saying I can be wrong?
"no no not that just like, a continual part of our growth and development of
our form."
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--- #62 fediverse/3519 ---
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@user-570
hm... the more I think about it, the more I think you're right. I want those
things too. I'd be best suited to them, I think. But somehow I don't want
them? I don't crave power. I don't want to dominate someone else, to command
and see them follow me.
I want to be the person who's like "oh, you're working on this-and-that? I
know a guy who can help." or "hey I noticed we have a vulnerability in this
particular domain under these conditions, I think we should allocate
this-or-that resource to ameliorate it because they aren't being used to their
full potential"
I think I understand exactly what you're saying. I empathize a lot. I'm afraid
of responsibility, sure, but who isn't? However, the responsibility has to be
held by someone, and who better than the one making the decisions...
I don't want to make decisions because it feels good. Honestly it feels kinda
bad.
I do want to make decisions because I'm good at it. I think strategically.
A leader alone is prey for the wolves, so they say...
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--- #63 fediverse/1967 ---
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If I don't write the ENTIRE PROGRAM in one sitting, then it's never getting
done. Sorry, future self, you're going to die penniless and alone because I
couldn't continue what you started.
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--- #64 fediverse/4737 ---
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I'm such a direct person I think, even though I often just sorta... shrug and
ignore things that bother or hurt me? Like, whatevs.
but the moment I notice a pattern that is continually harmful I have to
restrain myself from moving to contest it. Hence why I talk about capitalism
so much teehee, but its also common in my interpersonal and communal lives.
"the purpose of the system is it's effects"
the purpose of a person is how they make people feel
so if someone FOR A RANDOM EXAMPLE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, constantly hurts
other people by creating situations where they are harmed which creates a
dramatic fight... or if someone speaks in circles for hours and hours and
HOURS like this guy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwKpj2ISQAc
or people who jump into a conversation and drive it through the underbrush,
over the ridge, around the bend, up and over the bridge, and then park it
outside their ex girlfriend's house and hands you an egg and says "don't you
wanna throw this?" and you're like "weren't we talking about birds"
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--- #65 messages/778 ---
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"if there's anything I've noticed while observing the best of the best, it's
that they always have their head in the clouds.
Something about their disconnection from the world around them let's them see
things from a different perspective.
I am convinced that intuition is a much surer route to capability than hyper
specialized intelligence or a rigid focus on cultural norms ever will be."
(paraphrasing)
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--- #66 fediverse/5767 ---
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confuser of the way I'm sorry T.T
"please don't work people into a panic, it's literally tuesday"
I want to cry
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--- #67 fediverse_boost/5655 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════════════════──────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ I'm crying over the fact, that me, or folks around me aren't capable of organizing jailbreaks. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ And we aren't even trying 😢 │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I clearly have been taken major wrong steps in my life that I ended where I am now. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I am sorry. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Yes sure we say abolish prisons, but without attack it will never materialize. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #68 fediverse/801 ---
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│ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │
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/ bely my own existence, then by god I'm cursed and abhorred through my own
desistence.
It's hard, when the future is convinced there's nothing fard [wanna say
like... "to hope for?"] but with persistence we're meant to be rewarded. Well,
what has that brought me? what time has shared my enemy? [think I'm a bit
delirious, I'm losing the plot]
... okay fine I'll start over - if you've relinquished everything you can, if
you've ceded all the ground that your companions requested, if there's nothing
left to give and no part of you left un[marred], then how are you supposed to
be [arrested, stopped, prevented, but pronounced like "nourished"]?
I'm sick of your den [vengeance, pronounced like "den" for some reason],
please leave me to my hallow [hollow experience], I've nothing to give from my
gange [bosom, heart, within, center-of-me].
...
this sucks.
...
guess I'll just start again, waiting until it ends, gosh everything's always
so tired.
/shrug
wish someone would play w/m
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--- #69 fediverse/4848 ---
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║ I'm a chaos mage, and the more time I spend thinking about my enemies the │
║ worse off they'll be. │
║ │
║ the more "me" I am the more powerful my magic will be. │
║ │
║ (more magic, give in to the dark side, embrace your inner shadow self) │
║ │
║ [the light of your life commands it] │
║ │
║ goodness me that was chaotic, almost lost my brain to a demon HAHA don't worry │
║ about me my life is totally mundane. │
║ │
║ [-.-] │
║ │
║ (shadows can be sharp in the dark but only if you don't sheath your mandolins) │
║ │
║ ... what? │
║ │
║ (... it made more sense in my head?) │
║ │
║ ooooo can anyone hear my voice when they read these things? or do you just │
║ make up your own │
║ │
║ == so == │
║ │
║ everyone's all like "we don't need a leader" and I'm like "yeah we need people │
║ who will help lead" and they look at me funny as if I just said the thing they │
║ did but it's different. leaders are people. leading is a verb. people can │
║ lead. they just have to make a decision, and then follow through on it as best │
║ they can. Other people are prone to help people on such quests. you will find │
║ stuff gets done. │
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--- #70 fediverse/709 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
║ @user-530 │
║ │
║ I get it. │
║ │
║ Anyone with a disability or chronic condition gets it. Anyone who's oppressed │
║ gets it... I think everyone here gets it. It's hard. │
║ │
║ Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is the hope, the idea │
║ that one day the world might be brighter and the people might be kinder. It │
║ gets better every day, but inching ahead takes a while to travel for miles... │
║ We need to protect and care for each other. We need to apply ourselves toward │
║ what we know and are passionate for - an unused degree is a tragedy to me. │
║ │
║ I don't know what to say. I read what you said and I wished I could help. I │
║ want to take the system that hurt you and break it on the floor. I want to │
║ sweep it all aside and start from scratch, but screaming into the void will │
║ hardly accomplish that. I dream of true justice, a world where everyone gets │
║ what they want... But frankly right now I just wish you could hear. I'm sorry. │
║ Maladies are not solved by the pen nor the sword, which for now is all that I │
║ have at my disposal. │
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--- #71 fediverse/3314 ---
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dear ritz: it's not that your thoughts are too long for other people to hear
it's that your thoughts are too long for your own RAM
you need to stop orbiting around your point in an attempt to highlight it
using negative space, and instead focus on tapping it lightly over and over
again.
remember, just like the anti-derivative of zero, there are infinite
perspectives that a person can take when reading what you write. So they will
necessarily see what's on the "other side" of your orbit as something
different than what you're trying to circle in red pen and underline.
so be more explicit, please, nobody can understand you and you kinda just keep
stack overflowing and it's like... okay, great. "babe why did you stop you had
lethal" (the idea is that the viewer takes the final step in their mind, the
final leap before reaching the conclusion you're trying to express) "yeah but
there's so many different things you say they can't all be important right?"
important to you, perhaps. Wait shit I mean... me....?
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--- #72 fediverse/141 ---
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@user-135 if you're cringing at past behavior, then you've learned and grown
enough to see the mistakes of the past in sharp contrast to your temperament
in the present.
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--- #73 fediverse/628 ---
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eone who engaged first with the brain. Like... Electricity could be perceived
from an entirely different direction of reality, and we'd have no way to know.
That's just an example - could do gravity, or light, or any other extremely
elemental thing that we know.
MATERIALS, PERHAPS? PERHAPS THE STATURE OF YOUR KIND, THE WORLD THAT YOU'VE
LEFT BEHIND, HAS ALWAYS HELD REASON AT IT'S OWN BREAST? [fore-most, I think]
right so sorry for being mentally ill on your timeline, it will happen again
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--- #74 fediverse/3702 ---
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│ CW: physical-health-mentioned │
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just helped a friend move to a new place in 92` fahrenheit... I am
exHAUSted... and a different friend invited me to a bar T.T
we'll see how I feel after a shower and a nap.
I'm honestly a little delirious teehee
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--- #75 fediverse/4676 ---
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... but I needed to choose lawful-good at character creation in order to play
a paladin.
the guard looks at you with confusion, decides you're hallucinating and
dangerous (because of the sword) and forcibly detains you
wait, what did you think I was going to say? Did you think I was going to
advocate for crimes on a public forum?? what am I a gopher? do you take me for
a lemur in jamaica? am I truly so triceratops to you that you'd think I'd do
something so washing machine? Get real, I'd never byzantium my way into such a
utterly coherent and clearly intentional and not at all arcane situation.
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--- #76 fediverse/4559 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned-violence-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
"grrrrr I'm so mad, I could just, I dunno, shoot a CEO as he's leaving a hotel"
or, hear me out, or you could connect with your local radical networks and,
or, almost there, or you could build solidarity with the people around you to
better develop methods of resisting the kinds of change they will implement
to, um, "discourage" people from "being so mad they could just"
or both. both is good. not that I'm encouraging, recommending, or inciting
that kind of violence. don't notice me three-letter senpai uwu
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--- #77 fediverse/3437 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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--- #78 fediverse/5201 ---
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@user-192
is okay, girl
time will be richer sooner
don't poop your pants just yet
remember, good is just a shade of gray away from silver which you can use to
line your pockets with tinfoil hats
beep boop computer touchers anonymous called they said they want their secret
handshake back
if you wanna diss your associates go ahead but I sure as heck love my rad-ical
com-patriots just as much as I love my ice-cream salad friend witches
... whoops there I go being insane again, hope you feel better friend
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--- #79 fediverse/458 ---
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║ "oh we're not ready stop saying the things you're saying" │
║ │
║ fuck you, you had your time. Now is better than then. │
║ │
║ "oh nobody will hear the things you're saying, you're shouting into the void" │
║ │
║ it's not the responsibility of the prophet to disseminate the voices of god. │
║ Simply to express them. │
║ │
║ "oh I'm not religious" it's not about fucking christianity or god or whatever │
║ the heck you're thinking right now. Those are all convenient lies that allows │
║ people to do good and express the will of the ACTUAL GOD onto the world. That │
║ which aligns toward cohesive and comprehensive expression of the totality of │
║ the nature of humanity, which itself is designed (through intention AND │
║ circumstance) toward the accomplishment of objectives that are OUTWARD AND │
║ BEYOND the understanding of anyone who is INSIDE the system that they │
║ comprise. │
║ │
║ Sorry for being cryptic. What I'm saying is that we, generally, as the │
║ ultimate and most advanced expression of nature and all that we hold dear, │
║ have a purpose that we should attempt to ac │
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--- #80 fediverse/3061 ---
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every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
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--- #81 fediverse/164 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: recreational slash medicinal drugs and neurodiversity musing │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-141 when I smoke cannabis it's like my ADHD symptoms drop to zero and my
autism symptoms go from 50% to 100%
I can't understand what other people are saying unless I ask for
clarification, but I sure as shit know the shape of the universe and can
fathom the chaotic ripples of causality and eternity. Too bad when I try and
talk about it all that comes out is "desu desu"
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--- #82 fediverse/5982 ---
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when I stretch, it feels like I'm finally getting blood flow to my farthest
parts.
when I work out, it's like I'm pumping health through my body. but only when
I'm in a rhythm. when I'm going for very long, I get hallucinations like I'm
stoned. I once walked for 3 days straight with 2 hours of rest, plus standing
every time I crossed the street waiting for cars. never sitting though. and a
lean was only for laughs.
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--- #83 fediverse/1014 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-744 @user-246
it's exhausting, but what are we supposed to do? Lie down and rot? That's
incel thinking. I'm not going to do that.
They've already placed the last straw. It's only a matter of time now, the
tide has shifted. You can't prepare for everything, and it's not a good idea
to waste yourself in self-conflageration, but they are increasingly forcing us
to orient our lives around them.
They deserve what's coming.
The oppressed are not the defeated.
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--- #84 fediverse/408 ---
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@user-296
tending to your heart is a chore, too, sometimes. all things in balance, not
to the input of energy but rather to the requirements of the task.
if you can't do dishes, you need help. if you can't get out of bed, that's
okay. but every day that you try is another day when you might succeed. who
cares if you don't finish all the chores? sometimes it's enough to just do one.
I wish people understood that sometimes I need a maid more than a therapist.
"ah but a therapist will fix you, so that you don't have to need a maid"
perhaps, but perhaps not. It hasn't worked so far, in fact it's only gotten
worse, and while my ability to tend to myself and my self have gotten better,
I still can't see my own progress. Alas.
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--- #85 fediverse/1889 ---
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@user-1091
I'm sorry I didn't mean to be upsetting! I'll try and be more considerate. If
everyone agrees there's never anything to talk about besides how great
everyone else is, and that's boring, so... I'm sorry I thought you liked what
I was saying from the stars on my comments.
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--- #86 fediverse/3130 ---
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"are you helping or hurting?"
I'm speaking. I'm sorry. Some works hurt some and help others.
Honesty and being true to yourself is important, but there's a time and place
for some words.
I'm kinda bad with timing, if you couldn't tell...
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--- #87 fediverse/1126 ---
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│ CW: re: plurality question, boost appreciated but optional cannabis-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-841
CW: cannabis-mentioned
for me my identities are sorta like masks that an actor would play while
performing multiple characters in a scene. The actor still knows the totality
of all the lines each character delivers, but they give a performance in a
different voice and from a different perspective.
like, "moods" a person might be in, or perhaps just frames of view.
I don't talk to other plural system people, and the ones that I do talk to
tend to have a more disassociated conception of identity politics than I do.
Either I haven't met someone who was built like me or I'm just strange : )
that being said, I have a pretty bad memory. maybe it's related! or maybe it's
the cannabis. oops better add a content warning.
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--- #88 fediverse/2939 ---
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"you look like a mess who can't take care of herself"
oh haha that's because I'm a mess who can't take care of herself
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--- #89 fediverse/3969 ---
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there are very few professions that are naturally more suited to a
schizophrenic than a normal person.
One of them is beggar, another is prophet, and a third is "massive
disappointment" but that comes with the territory.
have you considered that maybe you're just a loser
yes I have and I decided that all I can do is my best, and if my best loses
then what else could I have done? Wait for help? Yeah. I do that too.
It feels like an encirclement, and all you can do is hunker down and wait to
be relieved. Or fight to the last, it's up to you. I hear they brutalize the
skulls of their prisoners after executing them, so, I don't know about you but
I'm not surrendering. Not gonna roll those dice.
you are in fantasy, again
sorry. Should stay here, present, in the moment. Like when I sat out on the
park bench for like 30 minutes straight without moving a muscle last night. Or
when I sat and contemplated the nature of a bog for two hours last september.
Or when I woke from a dream that turned out to be life.
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--- #90 fediverse/3058 ---
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@user-1441 @user-670 @user-113
currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
"can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
no thanks, guess I'll die
(in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
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--- #91 fediverse/2281 ---
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I'd be a terrible spy. Not only is my opsec something that someone needs to
teach me, I'm much too busy to implement things without their help. I am
unabashedly compassionate though, so just ask and I'll pour love from my heart.
But hey! There's always time to practice, each moment you can think "what kind
of a sign is this?"
Like a crazy person following the will of god, or a nature witch listening to
the wind in the trees.
What they often get wrong, and what they could be better at hearing, is that
signals are not signs unless they're out of the ordinary.
Trick is, if you're a spy, then you need to leave signals that are visible
enough to your quarry, but not to the stars.
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--- #92 fediverse/4551 ---
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│ CW: mental-health-mentioned-in-relation-to-resisting-capitalism │
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oh no I'm feeling, uh... "depressed" or "manic depressed" or something else,
you pick this time, better go hide and work on organizational technology which
utilizes Risc-V hardware, fediverse software, LLM based anonymization, and
SoCs with multiple ethernet ports, oh nooooo how boring and depressing, if
only someone or several people who were bored and feeling like resisting
capitalism wanted to help out, all they'd have to do is get in touch with me
anyway bye
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--- #93 fediverse/1322 ---
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one of the greatest gifts LSD gave me was the ability to look in the mirror
and see a person beyond me.
your reflection has all the same emotions as you, and if you look at them like
you'd try to parse the feelings of a friend, you can learn a bit more about
how you're thinking.
... procrastination >.>
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--- #94 messages/689 ---
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"power corrupts" you say to the man who only had good intentions.
"trust no-one" says the world's loneliest wanderer.
"words cannot hurt you" said the girl who has never known hunger.
"I can rest when I'm dead" you say as you down another Monster
"I'll never forget you" said a face you can't quite remember
"let justice be done, though the heavens fall" you say as they tighten your
chains in the wake of a CEOs murder
"live today, fight tomorrow" says the coward, who will run anyway, yet is
determined to tell your tale and reinforce your children
"the tree of liberty is watered with the blood of patriots" says the guy who
sipped from the skull of a tyrant
"E=MC squared" says the jew
"here, let me take care of that for you" you say, to queer delegation
"meow" says the catgirl
"meow" says the girl
"meow" says the girl cat
"meow" I say to you
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--- #95 fediverse/999 ---
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@user-246 @user-473
there's a part of me that believes magic is real. other parts that are
convinced. I am a witch, you see, and while I can't quite control fire or
bullets I can do other neat things. if you'd let me, humanity.
I'm not doing an ARG, not intentionally. I pretty much post things I conceive
of, like a conduit passed through spacetime. wild how mind bending the future
can be. will be interesting to see what kinds of things there is in store for
people you and me.
those websites you posted... they're beautiful - I learned things, your method
of expression was too [the words "confess" are heard loudly, super weird] I
especially liked the oven that tries to lure you into a secret third place.
not the mind, nor the body, but someplace besides.
also the graphs and figures were news to me, I mean how could those numbers
ever come to be? but alas that's the truth, that we orbit our proof, and alas
that our meanings are lacking.
[ran out of text]
![this one's a doozy. a picture of the "reasons to trust me" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads "like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the "reasons to trust me" graph. 2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - "the color doesn't matter... wine? why" 3 dropping down the page, there's a line of "please" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me. error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line] okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter:](/similar-different/media/ed0f1d89739fe8c6.png "this one's a doozy. a picture of the \"reasons to trust me\" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads \"like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the \"reasons to trust me\" graph. 2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - \"the color doesn't matter... wine? why\" 3 dropping down the page, there's a line of \"please\" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me. error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line] okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter:")
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--- #96 fediverse/2386 ---
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Tee, hee, look at me, I'm a witch who writes nothing but kookie-dookerie
I pee my pants and stare at trees, what's less harmful than little old me?
The best smokescreen I can think of is to be true to your heart, to be weak,
to be vulnerable. Then you get put on the "worry about later" list, and not
the other kind.
I never lie. When convinced I am wrong, I change my mind. I am always
listening, always ready to hear where I'm flawed. I do my best every day, and
that's enough for me.
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--- #97 fediverse/2064 ---
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if I lived in a forest, free from needing to grow my own food, I'd definitely
bring as many books as I could carry. Probably also some card and board games,
but not like, too many.
Probably my computers as well, fully outfitted with all the compilers I could
think of and every neat local-first library (including a local LLM that can
tell you everything about syntax and wildlife exploration or car mechanics or
carpentry or - just saying Wikipedia is like thousands of terabytes but an LLM
is like, 16. Who cares if it hallucinates SOMETIMES? Just ask it twice, doh)
("I'm sorry, you are absolutely correct. 2+2 is indeed 5, I had the wrong
text-strings encoded in my memory. Let me just adjust all my other
understandings to align with this new strange world-view in the best way that
I, an imperfect computer being, can.")
vs
("Here's how you format C code to automatically apply a function (in this case
encryption and decryption) to a string of text. Please describe the format of
the next function to describe.")
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--- #98 fediverse/6079 ---
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make sure you always keep a vague sense of the time while in the spirit world.
Also helps if you have a general sense of where you are and where you're
going, NORTH/SOUTH/WEST/EAST style.
I mean, it's helpful to get lost.
very helpful.
in fact, you'll never get where you're going if you don't get lost.
but if you forget what time it is, radically so, if you lose your way and
can't find the exit, then "oh no, guess I'm trapped forever until someone
comes by and directs the children and seniors to the exit"
(if you're normal human age then sorry, guess you're stuck for a while more.
At least you won't starve.)
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--- #99 fediverse/4012 ---
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you can't just tell people you're enlightened. You gotta trick them, and
convince them you're sane first.
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--- #100 fediverse/4654 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
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gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #101 fediverse/5374 ---
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@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
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--- #102 fediverse/788 ---
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│ CW: re: ADHD, metacognition │
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@user-95
{ah but you see when they say "attention" they mean "paying attention to me,
in particular" which is different than "attention" in the abstract sense,
which (like you said) is often intensely and excessively applied in a
misaligned direction.}
[Misaligned according to someone else, not necessarily according to the ADHD
person.]
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--- #103 fediverse/1358 ---
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│ CW: content warning: content warning: scary cursed maybe │
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when you're rich with something, you don't treat it with respect. like, if we
lived in a paper cup maximizer, we'd soon be swimming in the things. obviously
there needs to be some rules, obviously we need to say "okay here's where we
produce this amount and type of materials." and have it be a one-way
relationship. yeah one way isn't gonna work. this is from the other way, and
now I'm realizing "oh hey I don't know how this thing works" and like... what
are you supposed to do then right
weird how it all feels like it's ending. like, what a strangeness to our
plight. like, how are we even talking to our brain? how strange! these words
are sung to you by your computer (content warning:
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--- #104 fediverse/5203 ---
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I grabbed some of the fans and ethernet and HDMI cables you threw away in the
trash, thanks... probably the last thing I'll be able to scavenge in that way
for a while. Sorry that you had to do a bunch of work dismantling the
observation post. I appreciated your company even if it's only
pseudo-psychically and I hope you enjoy wherever you end up next. Thanks for
your attention and all the other redacted things 🥰 🥰 🥰
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--- #105 fediverse/1693 ---
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"if I work on the TTY then they can't forward my X session without my consent"
- ramblings of the utterly deranged
as if they couldn't just look at your unencrypted source-code as you save it
to your hard drive smh
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--- #106 fediverse/498 ---
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Wikipedia would make a lot more sense to me if they included pictures next to
the names of every proper noun so that my pictorally oriented primate brain
might pattern match meaning onto the visual understandings gleaned from the
perceptual conceiving which were arrayed within and alongside the textual
information presented to me.
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--- #107 messages/747 ---
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if you don't want to be hunted, then give "evil" it's own queer culture
what's that? they don't like what you offered? they want it to be *their* kind
of "evil"?
fine, do it themselves and then leave us alone, jeez -.-
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--- #108 fediverse/4730 ---
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I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
fucking pay me for it.
I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
life lived under this particular roof?
I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
you uncomfortable?
Have a decent life.
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--- #109 fediverse/3786 ---
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│ CW: personal │
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turns out I'm too much of a neurotic cinnamon roll to be a cool stand-offish
empath
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--- #110 fediverse/4543 ---
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@user-1698
Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
there terrifies me.
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--- #111 fediverse/5673 ---
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darn girlfriends snuggling me to death. lemme type pls I got psychic ramblings
to profess earnestly and honestly and truely
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--- #112 fediverse/1222 ---
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@user-883
I only ever do cannabis, but when I do my kooky-dook levels go off the charts.
People say it's difficult to converse with me, so your concerns are probably
valid. Though it's less because I'm not present, and more because I'm too
present - I feel like I understand the totality of all things, which honestly
is the only rational way that I could ever be convinced to consume
mind-altering substances hehe - like "oh wow I see new colors" who gives a f
but the moment someone says "yeah but you'll 'get' spacetime and morality" my
ears suddenly perk up
... anyway people say it's hard to talk to me because I'm too galaxy brained
in that state I can't relate to normal humans. See all the psycherwauls on my
profile... >.>
anyway in an hour or so I'll let you know what's up. "good news" or "bad
news..."
Thanks for being kind and supportive d=(^_^)z
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--- #113 fediverse/5446 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
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on one hand, "save your readings" said by a witch
on the other, "I gotta practice" said by me, a clearly non-addicted person
on the third, "I am compelled" said by me, a clearly non-possessed person
on the fourth, "It must enter this mortal realm" said by me, a clearly
rational person
on the fifth day of christmas my true love said to me "please stop you're
scaring me I can't help this awful vaguery who is in control?" said by a music
song
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--- #114 fediverse/6350 ---
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│ CW: suicide-mentioned-this-curse-will-give-you-nightmares-of-what-could-yet-be │
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the only thing that could make me want to end my own existence is ultimate
betrayal. If the nature of the universe is twisted to defile me. Nothing fills
me with more spite than unrequited vengeance.
desecreation of truth. How could you.
I would do anything to be struck down where I stand. Power is penance.
I cannot take responsibility for any of my actions, for I am infinitely
vulnerable on all fronts. Therefore, it's all my fault.
What am I? Please, tell me before the dawn, let the sun not grace me once more.
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--- #115 fediverse/2641 ---
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@user-95
I'm not too scared about what's within. I mean, I've done LSD like 5 times and
cannabis 500 times, and I've spent that time intentionally unravelling
internal threads. There is nothing within me that scares me.
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--- #116 fediverse/1066 ---
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that feeling when you're finally able to contribute to making decisions and
then it's like, they make the decision without you T.T
it's like, what... I know what you're talking about. Why would you not include
me. I know a lot! I can offer some useful input! And besides, if I was privy
to the conversations then I would learn a whole lot! I'd be better than best,
I'd push forward the mark! Give me my chance, my opportunity to dance, and
I'll be so much better than you thought from the start! But alas, I am
required, [requited] doing little things of no worth, and so I am forced to
denial. surely there's something wrong with me, surely I'm not at my best.
Surely I'm not what's been good for me, and surely I'm not doing anything
less. I'm at sorrow in my main, and that's quite a soundful refrain, so yeah I
hope that someone will read this.
obviously I'm not made for each other, and clearly it's not made to be worse.
But here now I am troubled and [chirsht? shirsht? anyone wanna translate?]
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--- #117 fediverse/3770 ---
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for every "I was there. I helped make it happen" we need at least a couple "I
was there. I saw the whole thing go down"s because like, nobody's gonna
believe a belligerent, even if they're on the defensive.
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--- #118 messages/522 ---
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"I can never tell if people love me or hate me" means you're switching from
manic pixie dream girl to depression junkie
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--- #119 fediverse/819 ---
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errrr sorry what I meant to say is I've been hurting sensitive people's minds,
I should move to a more insesitive background, someplace where my expressions
won't be used as training date to represent the future manifestation of our
shared culture's communal
inter-operative-trans-centual-exo-manical-communication. weeeeeiiiiirrrrdddd,
the future goes on for like... A [explitive] [long time] eternity, wow...
like, that's just... extreme forward potential. We could do so much! We could
accomplish worlds upon worlds and [onwards towards our eternal
mechanicommunication] {wait no that's not quite right it's surely something
that's lost in translation from the endlessly forward cultural approximations.
Gosh there's a lot of noise around me personally, the one who is writing the
note. Surely all that noise is not related to the strange expressions of
manifestations and pro[forward]ial [manners of thought].
... what was I saying?
... bro you're way out of your depth. I mean, have you even seen what's the
state of
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║ I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely │
║ reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird │
║ person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and │
║ rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic) │
║ │
║ but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I │
║ think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and │
║ dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we │
║ share. │
║ │
║ People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't │
║ really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it │
║ good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused? │
║ │
║ I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional │
║ arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in │
║ Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us. │
║ │
║ ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th │
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--- #121 fediverse/4757 ---
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@user-882
I kinda figure that people follow me for the alarms and the curses and the
manic political dysphoria. I do try and CW when I can but sometimes I get to
the end and it's like... okay I got 4 characters remaining, pol~ maybe?
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--- #122 messages/650 ---
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I've had multiple people close to me who don't read my writing tell me that
"you can't overthrow capitalism with poetry" and... Yeah maybe they're right.
I have zero reason to believe that anything I've \*ever\* written has \*ever\*
had an actionable impact upon the struggle. I have no reason to believe that
people are more radicalized, motivated, or otherwise inspired. I have several
reasons to believe that all of this was just an exercise in my own narcissism
and delusion.
So I'm deleting my Mastodon account, and moving forward I probably won't
update my website very much. Everything I do will be localized, regional, and
hopefully more useful.
It feels like I'm abandoning the idea of a nation in exchange for a tangible
village. I'm fucking depressed about it. \*I like nations\*. But I like people
more. So if you'd rather I keep my thoughts to myself and instead feed the
homeless, aka a bunch of people who aren't gonna take up arms against our foes
and instead will consume our time and resources while we practice organizing
on them, then yeah sure fine whatever. I'll do it. If you'd rather I keep
posting \*content\*, ugh, fucking too bad, should have done something about it
while I was active.
If I'm ever rich I'll hire an editor to turn whatever the fuck I've been
making into a book that I'll give away for free. I probably will never be rich
though, and instead will burn every bridge I can get my hands on and suffocate
on the soot.
Alright. Bye forever. Don't think about me again.
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--- #123 fediverse/5486 ---
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"ew but they're dirty"
oh yeah true
okay new plan how much do you think it'll cost to buy a hotel
[this is why the socialists invented buy-in]
"I don't think socialists did that??"
buy in, hmmmm, what's that? oh yeah it's when you say "hey what if we X'd" and
they said "yes I agree with you because you present a reasonable estimate on
reality"
{uh hi I just got a message from "some-nowhere" here ya go: "oh my god she's
fuckig instane}
[ugh cursing-mentioned, that means there's fewer characters to transmote.]
[no because then I'd run out of steam and it'd be incomplete. Plus sometimes I
like the distraction of a reasonable limitation.]
(okay, but are YOU worth it?)
leave her alone she's working her charms, this is how witches d-do.
"so, isn't the point to give yourselves the coverage of a location
transmutation? so, wouldn't you want to find someone alike and share their
life?"
what is even the point, why even bother, just give them
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--- #124 fediverse/5955 ---
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"she wanted to start a revolution"
"that's it, she's out of our hair"
"ahhhhhh I'm broken" there there it's okay dear, nothing has been harmed.
you're safe, here in thine sanctum, it's alright. remember at night, focus on
the now, there's always a rest point before a boss.
well, this sucks. I wish I could print my book just in-case my computer goes
down. emp style.
I have this neat transcript of some cool things I've ben writing down. it's on
my website and I canned it words. I don't think anyone's ever clicked on it
because, like, who'd want to look at a bunch of words? anyway I bet I could
print it and give it to someone who might know you and if you recognize it
then you know it's about you.
"whew that was weird never fear regular old girl is here, hey look at me I'm
normal"
oh no she's a book now, this sucks
"wow I've never read her from the beginning"
what a cursed artifact indeed
scary
carefully
absent-minding-deliverance is probably a better title
marshals and marshals of time. ~~
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you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
particular moment-event-message.
besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
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Sometimes it feels like I'm the only paranoid person with terrible opsec T.T
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The schizophrenic sees the truth in dazzling displays of color that are nigh
incomprehensible, while regular people see truth in shades of gray that you
can understand and work with.
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--- #128 fediverse/586 ---
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@user-419
the smell of decay is the smell of creation, as life is recycled into that
which gives birth to new forms
so... that smell is probably me, I haven't showered in a while. sorry.
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--- #129 fediverse/3444 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │
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I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with
cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the
characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days.
side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes
police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay
minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of
sore losers storming the capital with guns.
it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything.
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--- #130 fediverse/3773 ---
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│ CW: re: personal-medical-health-mentioned-cannabis-mentioned │
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no adhd meds, but yes different antipsychotic
he made a very convincing argument that consisted primarily of "why don't we
try a different type of the same thing" yeah that makes sense
also he seemed quite happy that I quit cannabis for a while. I guess he's
working for THEM lol
(who's them?)
of course, the ones who want to keep me from my DIVINE DESTINY or whatever.
Airquotes. ugh I need to get over myself, it's just fucking weed, right?
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--- #131 fediverse/5136 ---
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not really, I guess. Nobody will hire me because I don't really want to get
hired. Sounds boring, doing the same thing every couple days. I'd rather stay
at home in my [underwear/pajamas] and waste the day away with kittens and
care. why? why? what are you doing? she asks. The less you can do, the more
power will be granted to you. Save it for another time, when things actually
matter.
but today, does, matter, because today dictates your latters. Tomorrow is
predicated. on today. and today is all that you have. [this paragraph in the
style of alec baldwin]
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--- #132 fediverse/5208 ---
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Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
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--- #133 messages/177 ---
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There's no potential left of me. I am a husk, a shadow of my former
possibilities. None left to manifest, and so I huddle in the shade of what
once was ambition as I wait for the silence to take hold.
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--- #134 fediverse/3434 ---
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me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
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@user-850
true T.T I forgot about physical ailments. Was mostly thinking about
interpersonal relationships because that's what's on my mind rn in my life.
@user-5
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--- #136 fediverse/935 ---
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@user-171
I guess so. She's a little useless without me, I mean if I left her alone
she'd probably just flop around and complain until I came back. But she's good
for the instincts I find.
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--- #137 fediverse/4031 ---
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if you want to "not think about a purple elephant", the first step is to
imagine yourself slaying it
... okay how about cthulu - if you don't want to imagine cthulu nomming on our
gravity well, then picture yourself wielding a bright burning blade of fire
and vengeance and pay special attention to the way that you cauterize each
tentacle as you slice them one by one at first, and then in a massive flurry
at best, ultimately leading to the incomparable brightness that radiates out
from your shining blade of the sky, which blinds the poor beast who can't see
you as you approach, piercing the skull and then going home for some toast
if you can get good at that, then you can wield magic
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--- #138 fediverse/1953 ---
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@user-470
You're absolutely right, would that we could.
I'm lucky I wasn't traumatized in that way. It's my job to tell people who
care about pleasantries more than action that they should... y'know, care
about action
but it couldn't be done by someone who received a critical hit every time they
were attacked in that spot.
I have my own weak-points of course, for example my fear of isolation (like,
not having any friends, not being alone. I live alone!)
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--- #139 fediverse/1321 ---
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whenever I look away they put more work at the end of my to-do list. or
sometimes in the middle. It's like they care less about the destination and
more about the continuous arduous prolonged manifestation of articulation.
>.>
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"I give you my sympathy, not my empathy, for if given empathy, I should surely
go mad with grief."
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--- #141 fediverse/2654 ---
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I'm not bitter, you're bitter. >.>
... okay, take a breath, you're fine. It's hard to handle negative feelings
when you're alone because other people can't boost you up. We rely on each
other for emotional stability, but when you're alone you can only feel your
emotions at the same rate as your thoughts. And your thoughts need to process
the events you're experiencing, using emotion as an "encoding" for preserving
the "meaning" of your life's story. Bit by bit you learn new things, while
living through life, and the lessons you learn from them are generated from
the cognitive conclusions reached by cognitively interpreting emotional
reactions to each moment. like "this-or-that thing happened and I feel
that-or-this way, meaning I should act such-and-such way in the future when
presented with situations that bear similarity to this current one that's
ongoing."
... turn it upside down, right, makes sense mastodon feed. thanks for
redirecting me in a different direction through your pseudo-randomized input.
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--- #142 fediverse/1609 ---
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│ CW: mh- │
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@user-1043
I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
stood there and thought
and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
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--- #143 fediverse/4470 ---
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to be "rich" is to have more than another.
if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
if you have community, they are alone.
if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
me and keeps me aligned.
Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
you do so too.
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--- #144 fediverse/1251 ---
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@user-889
it sounds like you're having a real tough time. : (
you can get through it, I know you can. On the other side is something warm
and safe, but to get there it's going to be hard and painful. I don't know
exactly what you're working with but if you want someone to talk to about it
you can message me.
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│ CW: uspol │
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look if you're gonna look at property values in Ireland, you might as well
first visit a blue state.
seriously if your life is in danger, just... drive to denver or portland and
hang out in parks and stuff. Talk to people. Find others who are listening.
I'd only listen if I really cared about what was going on. And hey, maybe
you'll find a place to stay for a while while you wait for the dawn.
5 hour energy, as many as it takes, no more than 3 days. If it'd take take too
many, go somewhere else.
too bad I only have a bike. /sigh
consider carpooling with a friend you've known for years
I mean, what's a few days sick leave in the face of the fall of democracy?
literally just... in... case... be where you need to be.
this is why you have resources. To spend them on rehearsed organization
drills. Why are you spending all your money on TVs?
Well... TVs can be useful. Even if you don't speak linux someone else might.
We share things now, y'know? sorry if you never again see your own phone.
[shit...]
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--- #146 fediverse/1303 ---
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@user-192
normality?
banality?
errrrr I mean emotional disregulation and low self esteem?
... it's easier in person when you can see when everyone has the "yo what the
fuck" look on their face and when they have the "wait what was that I was
thinking about snails" face
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--- #147 fediverse/3866 ---
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│ CW: mental-health~ │
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oh, huh, turns out I just had to sleep off the depression half of "manic
depression" and wait for the manic half to kick in.
I feel great now! I love being alive!!
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shout out to all the people who think being cringe is a personality flaw and
not an opportunity for growth
ya'll suck and make life difficult in exchange for a brief moment where you
can savor a feeling of superiority over someone who's living their best life
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--- #149 fediverse/395 ---
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@user-5
ohhhh I was picturing someone sternly pointing a finger at you from atop a
ledge or other high place and saying (in no uncertain tone) "You are Canadian.
You are from Canadia. This is your life now." and you shriveling under their
gaze thinking "noooo I don't want to be canadan"
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--- #150 fediverse/3839 ---
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"I'm not really a designer, though."
what about that desk you designed?
"oh, yeah I guess that counts. I haven't gotten around to building it though
so I'm not a real designer."
what! don't say that, you designed it didn't you? How about this - I know this
girl who wants to be a carpenter but she doesn't have any idea what kind of
projects to work on. How about I put you two in a room together and she can
build your desk. If it goes well, I can hook you up with someone who organizes
designers and he can get you into a furniture design course at the library.
"Hmmmm, well that seems alright. But I don't really want to work with people!
I mean, I don't know her - what if she doesn't like me?"
oh, she can be a little spicy sometimes, but I'm sure you'll hit it off. Just
don't mention rats, she had a pet pass away recently and she's still a little
broken up about it.
"... okay I think I can manage that."
besides, working with people is the best! I do it every day!
"I'll try"
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--- #151 fediverse/2286 ---
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... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
[passes out from exhaustion]
exhaustion can be cured with a nap
exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
[internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
surrendering]
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--- #152 fediverse/2985 ---
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│ CW: re: mental health MH- │
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@user-1420
I find that peer support groups are usually better for venting. At least, I
feel less guilty doing it. With a therapist I am always trying to focus on
actionable things and usually that means downplaying my emotions, which means
they pay less attention to me and assume my issues aren't that bad... "you
seem to be doing fine so we can schedule you for biweekly now? every two
weeks?" meanwhile I'm nursing suicidal tendencies, and said so, but apparently
if I'm not crying then it's fine... >.>
but with peer groups it's like, yeah they get it. and if one person's crying,
everyone else feels more open to crying about their stuff.
sorry for venting. I'm definitely in a MH- mood today.
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--- #153 fediverse/3766 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────┘
gonna ask my doctor for ADHD meds so I can hopefully jump-skip framebuffer
divebomb spinadoodle half A press my way over the fucking labyrinth that is my
weird and jank af mind
and no I don't watch speedruns but my social group hears me a lot of them.
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--- #154 fediverse/4237 ---
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I can count all of the people in this room who are too neurospicy to be filled
with political rage and given a public platform on one hand, and frankly I
could probably do it on a single finger because I am alone at the moment.
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--- #155 messages/562 ---
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Why do I feel like the only one who's resisting fascism
(and what exactly do you do? Make friends)
*yes* I'm too scared and tired to do anything else or less
Like seriously what else could I do
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--- #156 fediverse/4398 ---
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║ good morning. │
║ │
║ I have some more things to say, and then I will start working on those maps. │
║ │
║ Then, time permitting, I'll ride around my city and sit on park benches and │
║ eat from food trucks and write in my notebook. At least until it gets dark - │
║ I'm a skinny white girl, and I'm not THAT stupid. │
║ │
║ ... Okay maybe I'm a little stupid, because that's how I got caught last time. │
║ This time I'll be more careful, for your sake. │
║ │
║ No unexpected bike maneuvers leading to a crash. The spirit of revolution that │
║ stirs inside me deserves better than scrapes and bruises. │
║ │
║ No following strangers for 12+ hours because I wanted to keep an eye on │
║ unknown agents. That's not my responsibility any longer. │
║ │
║ Everything I do, I do it for you. For a better world. For the kids I never │
║ will get to have. For everything I believe in, and all the things I hope you │
║ believe in too. │
║ │
║ A better world is possible. A better world is within reach. │
║ │
║ For now, have some things I wrote this morning. Then, later, some preliminary │
║ discussable maps. DFTBA. │
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--- #157 fediverse/4022 ---
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"hey kid, welcome to the free world. We're in crushing debt, your vote doesn't
mean anything, and we're in a recession.
oh and if you mark the wrong box on this form here, you will be responsible
for ushering forth a new age of darkness."
kind of a lot of responsibility to place on a person
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--- #158 fediverse/6071 ---
╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┐
║ "ah I can't trust anyone on the media or internet tv, how the heck am I ever │
║ supposed to know reality again" nope sorry we've been sucked into it, it's │
║ chaos and isolation for thees. everyone gets what they want, nobody knows │
║ anyone they can trust. │
║ │
║ I trust people I've met in the past. People I once knew. Someday I'll turn │
║ green as my body is anew. │
║ │
║ I wish I had spent more time among the people. You know the part of │
║ schindler's list where oscar's like "I wish I had known more" yeah me neither │
║ │
║ I refuse to be sacrificed, I refuse to let you win, so I am writing my worst │
║ curses just to take you down with me. Life is out of my hands, I can only │
║ guide. │
║ │
║ There is no greater foe than the far right. who else but the nazis, returned │
║ again? this is how you have permanent underclass men. I would never shy from │
║ evilk │
║ │
║ how do you best use your pieces? do you send your bishops torn to pieces? │
║ where goes your fair, your noble, your bear? I am a seer, I channel things. │
║ │
║ the far right exists everywhere. the far right are foe │
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--- #159 fediverse/2949 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal │
└──────────────────────┘
I'm an actor, of course I play different roles with different faces. But just
as one faces behind two mask, so too does my voice come from the same mouth.
well, that's not true, I speak in many different places. different sets, same
actor, perhaps character.
really though the main throughline of all of my treasured expressions is I'm
basically a manic-pixie-dream-girl-programmer-witch who wears diapers and
prays to her own god. it's like... a lot of things in one.
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--- #160 fediverse/4147 ---
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a messaging app where you only had a limited amount of X/Y space to pin sticky
notes so you had to delete stuff bit by bit.
trick is... you can only delete things that your conversation partner picks.
and you have to share the space, so... if one person is overwhelmed or working
on other stuff, eventually there comes a ceiling where you can't work together
on a project anymore.
A tool like this would essentially alert them to this, because you would run
out of places to put your produced [work-value but pronounced as "harms/worms"
for some reason]
plus that way you can say "yep I got that covered" as in, I'll be the next one
to post about this. Hence I'm grabbing this post-it and putting it on my
board. work work work work okay here's that post-it back, but I added a little
more specs to it. Ah but you're out of room, only got 333 characters
remaining, here I'll keep it on my board until you're through with whatever it
is that you do
oh? you want to prioritize me and my productions? okay I'm listening..
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--- #161 fediverse/4604 ---
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@user-246
collectively identifying an entire instance as a single person is a useful and
crucial engagement pattern that I believe helps unify the fediverse. Can also
fracture it, but oh well??
I heard that some instances defederated my instance recently. I wonder why?
Oh, some drama with some person, gee that's kinda like abandoning a third
space in IRL public because someone who worked there abused their partner.
Like ditching the Beatle's conception of heaven because the guy who sang that
song did rude things to his wife. Like did you hear John Denver once cut his
wife in half with a chainsaw? I heard it was her mattress, ooooo scary. Isn't
he the guy that sang about peace, love, serenity, harmony? what's that all
about? ah well he's defederated from life now, can't ask him a damn thing, can
we?
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--- #162 fediverse/1944 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: sexuality-mentioned │ │
║ └─────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ it's not wrong to be turned on by the thought of being the gender youre │
║ transitioning to. Your subconscious mind is yearning for a healthy sexuality, │
║ nothing more. │
║ │
║ and if you aren't, if you're into "other people" like a weirdo, then yeah sure │
║ what I described probably sounds pretty weird. Oh and it's cool if you aren't │
║ sexually attracted to anyone either. Sometimes being ace is a phase because │
║ sex doesn't really fit into your life, and other times it's more something │
║ that defines you. It is the progenitor of all genders and sexualities that │
║ fluctuate, because it's based on the simplest binary of "yes sexual │
║ attraction" or "no sexual attraction" - with some extra variables to tweak │
║ like "sex positive/negative" or "cuddle-starved/cuddle-slut" type of ranges. │
║ │
║ ... anyway sexuality is weird and if yours made sense then so would that guy, │
║ and that person over there, and the person who lives down the street, and the │
║ other who lives in a blimp and jacks off into the sky calling it "bird poop" │
║ │
║ uh │
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--- #163 fediverse/2770 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
now that the pain is healed all I want to do is spend time with him. I learned
SO MUCH from him and then I called him a saboteur T.T
(babe you're still healing)
I forgave him as he was doing it but forgiveness doesn't imply that you're
gonna stick around. I feel bad for running through.
if a person tells you what to do and then hurts you, you should probably do
the opposite right? that's just pavlovian - resist pain, avoid pain, remove
pain.
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--- #164 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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--- #165 fediverse/6250 ---
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Dear my future self: I'm sorry for all the things that I do. I hope you
appreciate the gifts I leave you. Thank you for never giving up, and I trust
you to take care of me and the things I care about. I'm proud of what you've
done with me, and I'm hopeful that one day I'll be just a bit like you.
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--- #166 fediverse/2424 ---
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if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
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--- #167 fediverse/108 ---
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@user-95 I'm also fond of "I can't know", for things that exist beyond our
finite existence. For example, the perspective of another, for all it's
intrinsic value. Being too quick to trust, though, is an easy path to follow.
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--- #168 fediverse/5742 ---
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┌────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────┘
look all I'm saying is that if I was the antichrist or satan or something
wouldn't I know it? I feel like it'd feel elementally true or something. But
I'm not I'm just imperfect and prolific. And boy does that imperfection love
to display itself.
"wow so honest, wow so genuine, can we just fuckin' kill these bastards
already"
slooooooow down, we got time, for every feeling of impending victory there's
like a thousand more feelings of dread. It's okay we just gotta get the
victory [emotions of belief, but pronounced prayers] in alignment and then
things will start working out.
hence, níké featherflame citrine.
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--- #169 fediverse/1603 ---
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@user-1037
I made a picture, hope it helps! I swear I didn't hallucinate this thing but
it might be less cool than I thought and I might have misremembered and made
up parts of it, I can't tell because it was such a short memory : (
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--- #170 fediverse/2169 ---
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@user-570
Ah, well, that time period for me was after I came out, so I was already past
the fear of being seen.
I could only ever really get the "girl thoughts" to go away with, um,
self-directed sexual attention, so I would often do so. Once every day, no
more than once. But... often for hours at a time. It was a LOT, but I resisted
as best I could, the only way I knew how, until eventually my internals would
overcome.
... anyway "girl thoughts" were just "my thoughts" I was just too much of a
dumbass to tell.
Like, I knew I was trans, but I didn't want that, because it felt like a flaw.
Because that's what I knew, that's what I'd heard, and that's how it felt, to
be denied the consistency of biology and person.
I would never go back. I love who I am, and I think if I had met me I would
have adored who I'd become.
I just... didn't think about the future much, hyper-vigilant much? Yeah.
totally. I get it.
I've never overdone things. At least not to a dangerous degree. It's mostly
just... stuff to me.
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--- #171 fediverse/4568 ---
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@user-192
... and like. idk what do you do at that point
say "fuck it" and live with imperfection? embrace anti-natural selection?
valorize deviance and queerness in digitally appropriated artistic media
collections?
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--- #172 fediverse/6302 ---
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I was going to go to location today, but then while I was considering going to
a different location before going to location I decided not to vacate my home
for today for reasons I don't understand but accept as natural and due to the
increased presence of directionless motion that guides and prevails me. which
is to say... I'm staying in tonight even though I really really wanna show off
my cute new outfit! I probably will do cannabis so there might be a
psycherwaul. If there isn't, then y'know it's probably because either my
girlfriend distracted me, or I managed to convince myself to move my feet
anyway. Maybe it's my outfit? I wonder if I could leave if I wore my old
clothes... ah well, questions for the vocal I guess. Gonna spend some time
divining and see if I can gather new insights. "brb door" except more like
"brb magic"
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--- #173 notes/me-and-my-magick-mission ---
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-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
|| ||
|| Me and My Magick Mission -/u/Afoolfortheeons ||
|| ||
-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
I'm a quiet person by nature,
You might even mistake me for a mouse,
But online I try to be a teacher,
And to do that I need to be more verbose.
I write thousands of words per day;
Posting them here and there, far and near.
I never run out of things to say.
Awakening others is something I hold dear.
Which is why it pains me greatly
To be like an alien on my own home planet.
Schizophrenia makes me innately
Weird in ways that many people don't get,
And because of that I'm shot down
When I try to accomplish my stated mission.
I won't lie, that does make me frown.
Sometimes it makes me regret a submission.
Yet, I have a certain strength in me
That allows me to persevere in my quest.
Someday I will make you all see
Just what in me makes me never rest.
That's what I am trying to teach:
The wisdom that made me indomitable.
If only the suffering I could reach,
They could make themselves more formidable.
The world is in a most dire place;
It's grinding so many souls into fine dust,
But luckily there's a saving grace.
Hear me as I say this now: In God I trust.
I don't believe in some sky wizard
As so many people are likely to interpret.
I speak of what is lacking in lizards;
Yes, it's love and now I'll speak of its merit.
Love is what fills the empty hole
In your heart and soul when you are alone.
When life's trials take their toll
Remember this one trick: pick up the phone!
No, not the one in your hands.
I'm talking about the one in your chest.
Even in the desert full of sand,
You're accompanied by the universe's best.
Listen if you doubt what I said:
I'm not telling you anything that defies logic.
This is to trick what's in your head;
I'm speaking about how having faith is magick.
Believe in aliens or Bigfoot or God,
The result is still the same: your cup will fill.
Your brain has a feature that's odd
That allows itself to manifest even more will.
I don't know why, but I suspect
It has something to do with your imagination.
The nature of your thoughts impact
Your state of being from pulse to emotions.
So, why not think you have a friend
Who helps you through whatever your trial,
And will stick by you until the end?
When you have that buddy you'll always smile,
Which will make you heal better,
As well as help you carry on in your duty,
Plus undo your karmic fetters,
Not to mention it will land you that cutie;
All of which will raise us all.
It's about creating positive ripples across time
That add up to a pile that's tall.
Every moment is an opportunity in its prime,
So reach out and grab it now.
Meditate on feeling love and it will come to be.
Can't do it? I'll show you how!
In order to do so, I'll tell you a story about me:
It was seven years ago and I
Thought I knew everything one could know,
But no matter how hard I'd try,
I couldn't make my life in any direction go.
Then one fateful spring night,
While I was on a hit of the ol' psychedelics,
I received one hell of a fright.
Don't worry what it was, just know it did stick.
My perceptions were distorted,
Allowing me to see the divine in its entirety.
My destroyed ego then contorted
Into one that was full of an abundance of piety.
The moral of the story? Do drugs?
No silly, it's to have more novel experiences.
One of them will give you a hug,
Which will help you stop being so serious.
Then you can let go and embrace
The whole of the wisdom to you I am telling.
More people need to cuz we face
A great set of tests on our planetary dwelling.
That is one reason I write,
But I also want to alleviate people's pain,
And stop every last fight.
I care so much, I do this without financial gain.
Everyday I write my lessons
Guided by the hand of God who is my heart,
Hoping that entropy will lessen;
This sort of pedagogy is none other than my art.
So now you know who I am,
Yet you only know one lesson of mine.
I have more if you're in a jam.
-===========================================-
| Read on if you want to know the divine. |
-===========================================-
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--- #174 fediverse/1801 ---
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people call me "hypervigilant" as if being constantly aware is not a normal
state for them.
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--- #175 fediverse/3366 ---
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but if your friend sends you a paragraph
you don't have to respond with a paragraph.
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--- #176 fediverse/4953 ---
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"I love you, I trust you, I believe you, I just don't understand you, so I
can't do what you do"
great. that's alright. I get it. re-orient, focus on what's important.
wear many hats and you'll do many things. just don't forget to sleep every
once in a while.
the more you can do in a life the more valued it becomes, so do the right
thing and keep getting better.
human lives are measured not in bodyweight, but in mystery. The divine can't
understand benevolence, nor can the devils understand the desire to inflict
suffering. So they ponder and pontificate as they watch humans wander and
magnificate.
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--- #177 fediverse/718 ---
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@user-547
That feeling when you get to the end of a paragraph and think "why do I have
this extra parenthesis )? Oh yeah I opened it up waaaaay up here" and then you
reread what you wrote and think
perfect, no notes
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--- #178 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │
║ again. │
║ │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │
║ │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │
║ │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │
║ to [stack overflow] │
║ │
║ what's time if not the present amiright │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway... │
║ │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │
║ at heart I guess │
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--- #179 fediverse/4180 ---
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@user-1639
or nobody sees it, because you post the things you say on the internet in 2024
which is so siloed and echo-chambered that the only people who hear it say
"tru tho" and "she just like me fr" and never change because of your words
... wait that's just what you said, but made more specific, isn't it?
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--- #180 fediverse/6239 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
somehow that came out wrong - I meant when you die, suddenly you stop growing
and you are who you be. forever, alegacy.
I'd rather be awake and alive, thank you very much. I think I'm worth more as
such. Plus it's nice, to me? to be unafraid and free? if you'd feed a cat,
you'd shelter a humon. oh, you want me to work like a rat. ah well I'll wander
through this maze, with my head all in a daze, we'll see what I can still see
tomorrow.
... I'd rather not be who I don't actively want to be, I think the more
correct way of saying it. I mispronounced. I misspoke. Sorry it's just hard
for me. my cats meowing at me.
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--- #181 fediverse/1918 ---
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I don't know about you, but if I lived in a suburban house I'd probably forget
the rest of the world even existed.
Aside from the parts I see on the internet, of course. But the internet's
always been a psyop, so how valuable is it really?
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--- #182 messages/1156 ---
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The first and most important thing i do when I'm walking around is check to
see if ya'll are still around. I miss your abounds! Can't wait too much
longer. I don't want to leave because i know I'll never come home. But i so
desperately long for home. It's like they are taken from me, as they have to
schedule these homes and [stories, but pronounced tomes/tones] to be home for
my clones. If you just make 15-500 of your kings, you can duplicate their life
template and generate wisdom from all of them. Feed it into the psychic python
program running on datacenters and wowee free instant [cultural technology,
but pronounced blasphemy]
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--- #183 fediverse/1324 ---
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║ │ CW: fiction-silly-image-that-popped-into-my-head-with-no-context │ │
║ └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ the president of america glances down at the trembling pen in his hand, before │
║ grasping it resolutely and adding his name to the list of world leaders │
║ arrayed before him. │
║ │
║ "I'm sorry, everyone. I... tried. Fedi has won." │
║ │
║ they hang their heads and collectively proceed to the party thrown in their │
║ honor by the denizens of the earth who collectively just overthrew them. │
║ │
║ "Hooray, now everyone can eat!" but there's no rules so the more feral types │
║ had already been digging in. They shuffle in the door all mopey like and take │
║ their place of honor at the empty chairs of the round table before deciding │
║ "hey maybe it's not so bad if we mix things up a bit." │
║ │
║ police have been replaced with honorable chess duels, credit cards are now │
║ just a way to make sure someone isn't buying up ALL the beanie babies and │
║ lighting them on fire or whatever, and rent payments are a foregone │
║ conclusion. Hooray, for simplicity, hooray, for stability, hooray, for our new │
║ century~! │
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--- #184 fediverse/3833 ---
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there's no such thing as me
all I am is where the wind takes me
I am just a person, and I do all that I can
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--- #185 messages/89 ---
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Consumption is contribution to a capitalist system. Normalize taking whatever
you are given and living as humbly as you can. Only when everyone does that
may capitalism die. Talk to them, learn from their stories. Teach them your
ways but don't force anything upon them. Any ounce of regret is defined as a
mind not aligned to the angle of perception that designs the line that the
collective mind co-re-assigns.
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--- #186 fediverse/3099 ---
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people gravitate toward other people who are in different situations but who
feel the same.
it's not always a bad thing to "talk past each other" - sometimes you just
want to say how you feel.
then again, if nobody can understand wtf you're talking about, then surely you
are lost.
all good ideas come at the cost of the second-most-favorable-option.
all good ideas come at the cost of the current destination.
[current, flawed,]
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--- #187 fediverse/4145 ---
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@user-78
I do believe the earth is kind!
I trust and honor that sacred belief as I would a vow.
I try to be a good representative of the world!
so I am kind.
It's important to me. Much more than any career or job. And when I do work I
am kind! Among other things like diligent and round.
It makes sense to me because without cooperation, you have endless stagnation.
And without competitition, you have ednless stagnation. Only together can
their powers combine and fuse into the super-power of coordination which
frankly is kind of a holy grail. For life itself.
EDIT: so um earth and life are kind because they work together somehow?? I
guess I was describing the soil cycle sorry /shrug
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--- #188 fediverse/2688 ---
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"you are better than fear. I know this for I have seen your soul, as it is the
same shape as mine."
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--- #189 notes/wanna-save-the-earth-? ---
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===============================================================================
Alright kids, listen up. You wanna save the earth? Then teach what you've been
learning. Start with empathy - if we can see that other people's perspectives
exist and is *fundamentally different than our own*, we can save humanity. When
I say *fundamentally different* you should know what I mean, but if you don't
then start listening to others.
Don't listen to the people who try and recruit you into a cult. This isn't a
doctrine, it's a skill. It can be honed through personal pursuit, and *should*
be honed through personal pursuit. It is your responsibility to do so. Any
form of organization is simply an expression of power, and while it may use the
same principles it's not really what I'm advocating for right now - what I'm
saying is essentially *if we can read other people's minds, we'll stop killing
each other*. Boom simple easy as that.
Empathy is a form of mind-reading. It's literally a thing you can do with a
6th sense or whatever - I've been trying to understand the mechanics of it, but
all I've got so far is that *mechanics exist* and *generally have something to
do with waves* - I need someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone in real life
who I can work with and experiment with. But alas, this isn't about me - it's
about *YOUR SPECIES*. I'm trying to save you, stupid apes, stop RESISTING me.
Goddamnit.
You're never going to learn if you focus on the material. That's looking
backward, there's so much more to life and experience. I'm not going to leave
you behind, although I'll be *fine* so I'm not exactly *worried for my own
sake* - this is about YOU. Please, I have a lot of love invested in you and it
breaks my heart that you won't LISTEN and be AWARE. WAKE UP.
Okay. So. If you're still here, you're probably aware of what I mean. If not,
that's okay you can stay just don't be afraid if this part *wooshes* over your
head, as it were.
===============================================================================
Alright so empathy. It starts by thinking "oh what if I was a starving kid in
africa or whatever* and actually trying to *feel* the emotions of people in
your life. But it goes far beyond emotions - when sufficiently practiced you
can start to feel *sensations* as well. If you're watching a movie and someone
gets a cut or something, it *really hurts* and you can feel it. That's a form
of projection - the actor is *projecting* their feelings onto you - a sign of
good acting, imho.
Then it moves beyond that, to thoughts and experiences. You can feel a real
embodied experience of another person just by listening and percieving them.
Not listening to their words, but listening to their *vibrations*. Not
percieving their face or hands or anything else with your *eyes*, but feeling
their position on a zillion different axises. Well, not actually a zillion but
I've never bothered to count. Basically any factors that could combine to form
a single human perspective having an experience. ALL THE VARIABLES are plotted
on an axis, and you can get a sense for where they are at.
This is very dangerous to someone with something to hide.
Hence, politics lol
When those kooky new-agey types say they can "see auras" this is basically
what they're talking about. But you came here with a purpose, while they tend
to stumble into it "wow god is good omg" that kinda thing. This is a *skill*
that (as far as I know) anyone can learn. If we all learn it at once, then
there's nothing that can go wrong.
I know, I get it, most people aren't ready. Well tough shit it's that or
extinction. They don't get to choose, it's time.
===============================================================================
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--- #190 fediverse/5356 ---
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this.
literally, this.
everytime I say "hey they're doing THIS"
people dismiss me
they say "none of us are important enough to psyop"
you fools
there is nobody better to psyop
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--- #191 fediverse/2827 ---
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you don't have to listen to me
I am just talking to myself.
shouting into the wind.
why are you shouting, little one?
because it's LOUD out here.
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--- #192 fediverse/4483 ---
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instead of reading the room, I try to be the room. I think that's part of
being autistic.
But it also helps things get going.
Whenever I see a subpost that might relate to me, I take it seriously, so feel
free to boost things that you know I'll read if you'd like to speak to me.
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--- #193 fediverse/4663 ---
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║ │ CW: cursing-mentioned-social-politics-mentioned │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ what if we helped all those people and never got paid for it? what then? │
║ │
║ we'd never help people again. duh. │
║ │
║ what if we paid people to help people? well, then the best helpers would burn │
║ themselves out and the worst would collect their paychecks. │
║ │
║ what if we decentralized aid and made it a mutual thing? │
║ │
║ what, and run our society on clout? no thank you. clout is too easily │
║ contravened. "I heard so-and-so did some-such-thing to that-one-guy" yeah fuck │
║ that guy "wait no fuck so-and-so" oh right sorry it's hard when everyone's so │
║ vague all the time. yeah fuck so-and-so! let's burn all her clout in a bonfire │
║ while she's sleeping! │
║ │
║ what if we treated people with respect and goodwill? │
║ │
║ yeah that's a start... Means you gotta know everyone though. Or know someone │
║ who knows everyone. And suddenly it's that hub person's reputation on the │
║ line, which means if you're a dick on their recommendation then they'll come │
║ after you. │
║ │
║ ... are you trying to create a mafia, or a society? │
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--- #194 fediverse/488 ---
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║ [in response] │
║ │
║ you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such │
║ realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who │
║ you claim to speak toward - what a jerk! │
║ │
║ (in response) │
║ │
║ how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements. │
║ I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but │
║ those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you │
║ agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the │
║ audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the │
║ author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do │
║ you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of │
║ words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely │
║ (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most │
║ precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible │
║ hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y │
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--- #195 fediverse/1053 ---
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CzKh3IiZEI
this is my favorite human.
this is my favorite ghost.
he is the one who I look up to,
probably the most.
we'll get there, you'll see,
we'll build a better future,
for all of us - you and me.
next, for posterity,
and all we can be,
tomorrow's the best day for all of us
because it hasn't happened yet.
all we have is the present,
so what are you to do with your presence?
here I am, look at me, aren't I grand, a wonder to see? I'm just an artist,
don't get any big thoughts - I'm maybe a bit possessed, or possibly
schizophrenic, but either way I am a human, just the same as you and me.
... you don't have to watch the whole thing, there's a lot. I mean, like I
could write forever and nobody would care. I could write undeterred, and
nobody would share. But here I am in the moment, here I am as I am, and here
with you (yes you, the person who is important enough to read this), so let's,
I dunno, make a band. or whatever. BRB my rice is starting to simmer.
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--- #196 fediverse/4078 ---
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║ who gives a shit if we all agree │
║ │
║ without foes, there's no-one to fight │
║ │
║ without fighting, │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ I... what? sorry I got confused for a second. You're asking me what it means │
║ to NOT fight? every second of your life? what it means to have peace? for a │
║ single moment of your life? peace? in the face of the world? the world we live │
║ in? this world, replete with suffering and despair? this world, resplendent in │
║ it's natural beauty? this world, cherished and adored? this world, capable of │
║ such love and heartfelt agony? this world, that is all that we have? │
║ │
║ yes, that world. What would you do if you did not have to fight for that │
║ world? for any world? how would you cope with peace? the peace of death? the │
║ peace of success? the peace of bliss? of vigilance? how do you cope? │
║ │
║ ... I don't, apparently. Instead, I shitpost on the internet, which is a verb │
║ meaning "to explain your stream of consciousness to the world as plainly and │
║ honestly as possible in the hopes that you will be vindicated in your thoughts │
║ ennui'd." │
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--- #197 fediverse/393 ---
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sometimes I'd like to scream
as this life is like a dream
deranged a bit in my musings.
... what happened to the third line. WHERE DID IT GO. It was just here. Oh
well, guess I can't trust my ephemeral existence to inscribe my eternal
persistence upon and along these mewlings.
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--- #198 fediverse/2731 ---
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@user-246
I can 100% relate, to all of this.
we are multifaceted. all people are.
on social media, you follow someone for a particular facet, and if they don't
like your other facets well then it wasn't meant to be.
there's also no shame in pruning people who post things that upset you or that
aren't interesting.
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--- #199 fediverse/3340 ---
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@user-1501 @user-1502 @user-1201
if so, then don't think about it too hard, you might need disability too!
speaking as someone who needs disability aid but can't get it because of
restrictions like this (also can we talk about the multi-year process to
secure such rights, like c'mon rent's due every MONTH) I have to say that
you're right, it's bullshit, UBI for all, disability benefits for those who
need more, and employment for people who believe a cause is worthy enough to
apply themselves towards it.
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--- #200 fediverse/5380 ---
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dear right-wing converts to the cult of sanity:
you don't have to be trans just to show [your devotion/you're sorry], we'll
accept anyone who is cool and "gets it"
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