=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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Sorry for my behavior. I am an undiagnosed scizophrenic, so I'm wrestling with
metaphorical demons. Sorry for attempting to interact with society, I get a
little lonely sometimes.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/508 ---
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@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Sorry. I'm (probably) schizophrenic so I say weird things sometimes.
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--- #2 fediverse/1333 ---
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@user-944 @user-803
I'm sorry that what I said resonated with you : (
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--- #3 fediverse_boost/778 ---
◀─╔══════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════──────────────────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ a message to all my haters! │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry what did i do wrong i’ll do anything to fix it i’m so sorry please i’ll do anything to get you to stop hating me i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #4 fediverse/6434 ---
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*confess your sins to me* I'm sorry I once had a thought
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--- #5 messages/299 ---
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That feeling when you tell someone you're
[trans/autistic/schizophrenic/whatever] and you see the respect draining from
their eyes
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--- #6 fediverse/1259 ---
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@user-895
hi! I'm Ritz Menardi, I'm a little strange. I sometimes post scary things on
here. I try to put content warnings on everything intense, but sometimes it
gets a little out of hand and I forget... I'm also a poet. Spiritual at best,
a little schizophrenic at worse, but at all times I try to be true to myself.
If you don't like the vibes I 100% won't be upset if you unfollow / block me
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--- #7 fediverse/1840 ---
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I'm never remorseful for being wrong, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings.
Remorse is useless once corrected, if correction is due.
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--- #8 fediverse/6311 ---
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"thank you" isn't gratitude in the same way "sorry" isn't a complete apology
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--- #9 fediverse_boost/5655 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════════════════──────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ I'm crying over the fact, that me, or folks around me aren't capable of organizing jailbreaks. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ And we aren't even trying 😢 │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I clearly have been taken major wrong steps in my life that I ended where I am now. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I am sorry. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Yes sure we say abolish prisons, but without attack it will never materialize. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──┴───────╝─▶
--- #10 fediverse/6250 ---
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Dear my future self: I'm sorry for all the things that I do. I hope you
appreciate the gifts I leave you. Thank you for never giving up, and I trust
you to take care of me and the things I care about. I'm proud of what you've
done with me, and I'm hopeful that one day I'll be just a bit like you.
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--- #11 fediverse/943 ---
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@user-646
babbling, yes, but that's just how I do. sorry to bother you.
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--- #12 fediverse/151 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: weed mention │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-95 thank you for inviting me, it was fun : ) I'm not usually that quiet
- weed works a little different on me than it does on humans, and one of the
side effects is auditory processing disorder. I couldn't really understand
what most people were saying...
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--- #13 fediverse/3130 ---
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"are you helping or hurting?"
I'm speaking. I'm sorry. Some works hurt some and help others.
Honesty and being true to yourself is important, but there's a time and place
for some words.
I'm kinda bad with timing, if you couldn't tell...
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--- #14 fediverse/1889 ---
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@user-1091
I'm sorry I didn't mean to be upsetting! I'll try and be more considerate. If
everyone agrees there's never anything to talk about besides how great
everyone else is, and that's boring, so... I'm sorry I thought you liked what
I was saying from the stars on my comments.
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--- #15 fediverse/1957 ---
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I might let you down, but I'll never betray you.
... I'm letting someone down right now. I'm sorry.
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--- #16 messages/961 ---
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Look, if I'm going to do this thing, i need so, so much help. With everything.
I can't do anything for myself. I can barely do things for others. Yet somehow
i am at the center of things.
[delusion? Paranoia? Ha those are level 3 symptoms. I'm way past that.]
Girl you're not crazy. Stop saying you're crazy.
"sorry, but, you're schizophrenic" was always intended as sarcasm
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--- #17 fediverse/3759 ---
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I can't get into a game with swords like this, I'm sorry, those aren't swords
they're stat sticks...
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--- #18 fediverse/1721 ---
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I'd like to apologize to everyone I've ever interacted with in the past. It
was unfair of me to interact with you, and I will do my best to not hurt you
again in that way.
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--- #19 fediverse/10 ---
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@user-11 oh god I'm so sorry. That's the worst feeling.
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--- #20 fediverse/795 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mh- │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-8
I get that. I don't cry anymore except in my imagination. Sometimes it helps
to imagine myself doing it though, like some kind of mental catharsis.
the body gets left out but at least the mind is soothed.
I usually am most upset when I'm lonely. Maybe you could find someone to hold
you close? I hope you feel better sooner rather than later.
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--- #21 fediverse/4483 ---
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instead of reading the room, I try to be the room. I think that's part of
being autistic.
But it also helps things get going.
Whenever I see a subpost that might relate to me, I take it seriously, so feel
free to boost things that you know I'll read if you'd like to speak to me.
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--- #22 fediverse/5051 ---
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"ritz you're so mean"
sorry.
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--- #23 fediverse/4620 ---
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"is she bipolar or does she just consistently forget her estrogen injection?"
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--- #24 fediverse/1281 ---
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@user-883
okay I'm down
(a little stoned tho, was talking to my soul hehe)
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--- #25 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #26 fediverse/4428 ---
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@user-1669
sorry, I'm on a roll. Gotta speak my mind, even if it has other stuff bouncing
around in it. I hope you understand : )
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--- #27 fediverse/6191 ---
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oh nuts, I forgot to post these last night. sorry... here ya go:
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--- #28 fediverse/3451 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────┘
dear ritz: you should stop talking until your new psychiatric meds take
effect. who knows, maybe you'll be a better person that people should listen
to instead of... whatever you are now.
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--- #29 fediverse/4876 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: US politics-related, personal │
└───────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-1370
you don't have to apologize for escalating your response to trauma
it's cool
we get it
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--- #30 fediverse/5767 ---
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confuser of the way I'm sorry T.T
"please don't work people into a panic, it's literally tuesday"
I want to cry
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--- #31 fediverse/4551 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-mentioned-in-relation-to-resisting-capitalism │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
oh no I'm feeling, uh... "depressed" or "manic depressed" or something else,
you pick this time, better go hide and work on organizational technology which
utilizes Risc-V hardware, fediverse software, LLM based anonymization, and
SoCs with multiple ethernet ports, oh nooooo how boring and depressing, if
only someone or several people who were bored and feeling like resisting
capitalism wanted to help out, all they'd have to do is get in touch with me
anyway bye
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--- #32 fediverse/586 ---
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@user-419
the smell of decay is the smell of creation, as life is recycled into that
which gives birth to new forms
so... that smell is probably me, I haven't showered in a while. sorry.
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--- #33 fediverse/1445 ---
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I miss university because of all the gay people I could hang out with.
I guess I must be lonely.
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--- #34 fediverse/4546 ---
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oh no she's in one of her bipolar moods
um. I'm just gonna log off till it's done, ttyl
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--- #35 fediverse/141 ---
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@user-135 if you're cringing at past behavior, then you've learned and grown
enough to see the mistakes of the past in sharp contrast to your temperament
in the present.
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--- #36 fediverse/3238 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-health │
└──────────────────────┘
I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
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--- #37 fediverse/3859 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health │
└──────────────────────┘
"it's weird how depressed I am"
says the girl who is always depressed
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--- #38 fediverse/1303 ---
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│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
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@user-192
normality?
banality?
errrrr I mean emotional disregulation and low self esteem?
... it's easier in person when you can see when everyone has the "yo what the
fuck" look on their face and when they have the "wait what was that I was
thinking about snails" face
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--- #39 fediverse/1243 ---
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@user-883
hey sorry for ditching you yesterday, hope you had a good night ^_^
I feel much better today.
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--- #40 notes/gotta-keep-the-brain-active ---
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you little shit, you said you were gonna post here
I'm sorry T.T
okay that's better. just keep trying okay?
always.
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--- #41 fediverse/5700 ---
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it's okay if you hate me. Please don't have me and not tell me...
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--- #42 fediverse/2499 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: gender identity │
└─────────────────────────┘
@user-1218
I do this sometimes... I'm sorry it just rhymes so well T.T
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--- #43 fediverse/373 ---
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│ CW: re: truth about weed │
└──────────────────────────┘
@user-278
I can't do weed in public places. I need to be alone so that I can properly
use the altered mental state to be weird on the internet.
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--- #44 fediverse/1801 ---
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people call me "hypervigilant" as if being constantly aware is not a normal
state for them.
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--- #45 fediverse/806 ---
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... sorry, forgot to content warning that last one. I'm kinda using this
format like a twitch stream... how [weird, strange, perceiving, perplexing,
confusing]
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--- #46 messages/214 ---
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Gonna take a break from this whole thing. I got a sign that I'm a bad person,
twice. To confirm. I need to change, and since I don't know what I'm just
going to try and do nothing for a bit.
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--- #47 fediverse/2919 ---
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│ CW: imaginary-conversation-that-didn't-happen-tee-hee │
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"you can't be a paladin anymore because you don't practice with your weapon
every day"
I don't have room in my home to practice though : (
"go to the fucking park you weasel"
I don't want anyone to see me swinging a sword around! they might call the
cops, or worse, judge me for it!
"you want judgement eh well just wait until your opponent judges your
swordsmanship lacking then you'll find out what judgement tastes like as he
shoves your entrails down your throat"
I'm sorry I'll practice more T.T
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--- #48 fediverse/3846 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: trauma~ │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1074
today I had someone ask me for an apology. They've asked several times before,
and each time I've only been able to give them a half-apology - I apologized
for being persistent, but not for being impulsive, and that wasn't good enough.
I can't help being impulsive! I'm adventurous! I crave excitement and joy!
But I'm sorry that I pushed him too hard. I'm sorry I hurt him. And...
apparently that's not good enough. He doesn't want me in his life, he can't
fucking let it go. And he calls me selfish. Says I don't respect him, based on
one night out of 5 years where I tried too hard to get him to enjoy life.
I'm sorry I can't fix your depression, guy, but like, at least I tried. You
could have at least tried the things I suggested. You could have at least
tried to follow my advice.
whatever.
it was literally just a walk in the park
... anyway I am often wrong. I often correct my past self. I always apologize
for hurting people, but I never apologize for doing what I believe is right.
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--- #49 fediverse/2658 ---
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"did you know that mentally ill people are oppressed minorities too?"
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--- #50 fediverse/4388 ---
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I'm sorry, but you can't play any more video games for a while. No more
spending time on hobbies. When you meet, discuss what needs you see and how to
fulfill them.
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--- #51 messages/610 ---
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I'm sorry, but you can't play any more video games for a while. No more
spending time on hobbies. When you meet, discuss what needs you see and how to
fulfill them.
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--- #52 fediverse/2911 ---
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and now for my unrepentant littlespace arc! Look at me I'm SoOoOoOo silLY 🤪
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--- #53 fediverse/2815 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
I am NOT larping. I am expressing how I feel imaginatively.
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--- #54 messages/296 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────
The trick is, if you *think* you're schizophrenic, then you will be. If you
*think* you're telepathic, then you will be.
There are no grand narratives. Just live your life as you will and be content
with what you build for yourself.
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--- #55 fediverse/441 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
@user-328
don't trust anything on the internet. It can be taken from you.
don't trust anyone in your life - if you are alone, which you can verify
through the sense of connection you feel to others - if you are alone, how can
you trust anyone that they've provided for you to interact with?
when's the last time you drove to a random city in your country and tried to
make friends with passerby? Would you even be convinced that they'd be aligned
to their own designs, and not to that which "they" assigned?
do note that I'm schizophrenic, probably, according to nobody but me, so...
take what I say as you will
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #56 fediverse/153 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: weed mention │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-95 (My controller makes different expressions on my face depending on
how my hands are holding them, and I've never bothered to learn how to control
them - sorry if I was confusing =P)
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╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #57 fediverse/253 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
@user-201 this post hurts my autism T.T
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--- #58 fediverse/4758 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
I'm gonna go psycherwaul into my journals for a bit, if I come back today
it'll be extra waul-y so, idk, beware I guess
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--- #59 fediverse/4439 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
┌───────────────────────┐
│ CW: suicide-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
I would never kill myself
just want to put it out there.
I'd rather face torture and shame and confinement than die by my own hand.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #60 fediverse/5837 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: r-word-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
help I'm too special someone come be retarded with me
[-2 followers]
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--- #61 fediverse/2697 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
@user-1322
my god is kind.
I am the resentful one, and I spite only myself.
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╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #62 fediverse/4189 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
when people are kind to me, I start feeling sad.
I don't know why.
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--- #63 fediverse/4757 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
@user-882
I kinda figure that people follow me for the alarms and the curses and the
manic political dysphoria. I do try and CW when I can but sometimes I get to
the end and it's like... okay I got 4 characters remaining, pol~ maybe?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┘
--- #64 fediverse/1381 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #65 fediverse/510 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
@user-246
Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like
tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still
understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant
and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most
mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point
I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm
a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with.
Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone
forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess.
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╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #66 fediverse/3605 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
I think I'm okay no matter my own fate
I think I'm okay.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #67 fediverse/609 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
@user-246
I'm sorry for your loss
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #68 fediverse/1967 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
If I don't write the ENTIRE PROGRAM in one sitting, then it's never getting
done. Sorry, future self, you're going to die penniless and alone because I
couldn't continue what you started.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #69 fediverse/487 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
I don't really care about capitalism, sorry... why should the butcher be paid
more than the baker? It's all a bit silly to me.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #70 messages/531 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
"I give you my sympathy, not my empathy, for if given empathy, I should surely
go mad with grief."
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘
--- #71 fediverse/1650 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │
└───────────────────────────┘
@user-1052
am depressed... though I care less for society's opinions and more for my
adherence to my ethical morals. same effect different reason when it's time to
shame myself.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #72 fediverse/88 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
@user-92 I haven't received a single knock, I'm kinda broken up about it : (
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #73 messages/915 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
uh, anyway, I realized that because of Words I can type into any of my places
(wherever I felt it best suited) and it would still record as a chronological
story. must feel sooooooo schizophrenic, but it's just because I'm viewing
muse as I please.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┘
--- #74 fediverse/1348 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
@user-950
ohhhhh sorry here ya go:
https://tech.lgbt/@user-479
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #75 notes/cohost-introduction ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
Hi,
I'm Ritz Menardi.
I'm a witch, so I'm strange and wear a funny hat.
I like colors in the dark, poetry from the heart, and scary songs about
society.
I think of myself as a synecdoche for humanity, and though I'm not always right
I try to be aligned when possible. Most people I've found aren't really like
me.
I am as I am, and
I promise,
I won't hurt you.
content warnings: autistic, scary, existential, abstract, polite, perspectives,
cannabis, color, paranoia, cringe, spirituality,
hypnosis, trans, sardonic, honest, schizo-posts,
futurist, deity, left-ism, cursed, shadowdancer,
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #76 fediverse/2403 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
America 🥰
The United States of 😒
America day 🤩
America day with PTSD 🥴
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #77 fediverse/3855 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal │
└──────────────────────┘
well, guess I'm a bad person again, this sucks. >.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘
--- #78 messages/177 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
There's no potential left of me. I am a husk, a shadow of my former
possibilities. None left to manifest, and so I huddle in the shade of what
once was ambition as I wait for the silence to take hold.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘
--- #79 fediverse/3812 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health-minus │
└───────────────────────────┘
feeling kinda sick in a weird way. hope I haven't been poisoned.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘
--- #80 fediverse/3520 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: deity-kink-wink │
└──────────────────────┘
it's okay.
I know who you are because I know who they forced you to be.
What kind of god would I be if I didn't forgive you as you were hurting me?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘
--- #81 messages/522 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
"I can never tell if people love me or hate me" means you're switching from
manic pixie dream girl to depression junkie
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #82 fediverse/2104 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #83 fediverse/5763 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
║ ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: spirituality-mentioned-mentioned │ │
║ └──────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I'm not omniscient, I'm not all powerful, I'm just a girl, all I see is │
║ through my eyeballs. But I can listen to the waves around me, I can sense when │
║ intuitions leading me from wrong. I know when right and wrong are │
║ [compared/imperiled], and sometimes things feel right when they rhyme. That's │
║ synchronicity girl, a classic symptom of mental disorders. "Oh, you're a god? │
║ you're crazy then, take these meds which anesthetize your │
║ [divine/feral/imperiled] self. They help quite a few people!" │
║ │
║ people, yes, but I literally just said that's not the only part of the │
║ equation. │
║ │
║ "what if you're lying" yeah true it's not like I can prove it, I'm not │
║ omniscient and I can't summon fireballs or at-range-electrocute. I'm just a │
║ person, it's been driven into me from a young age, I'm just a person, don't │
║ forget or else we'll put you on stage. │
║ │
║ "what if we waited just a bit more" oh, do you like this comfort? do you feel │
║ safe in this home of yours? │
║ │
║ yes. I feel safe. I am unafraid for my safety. │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║ similar │ chronological │ different │
╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═─────────┘
--- #84 fediverse/3061 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘
--- #85 fediverse/2645 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
@user-1292
ah, well, I don't even know what HTT is. Sorry for clogging up your mentions
😅
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #86 fediverse/4252 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
sometimes I think I'd be better without social media.
And then I remember that it's the only way I know to talk.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #87 fediverse/2920 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
yes I am a "crazywoman" thank you for noticing
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #88 fediverse/5686 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
my friends tell me stories and I build my ideas for relationships based on
their pain.
I am always haunted by questions they don't want to answer.
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--- #89 fediverse/5782 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
sometimes I post random silly [scary] things to pad out the serious things and
I hope that's okay
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #90 fediverse/4190 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
I also feel other things, like compassion and warmth, but... still a little
bit sad.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘
--- #91 fediverse_boost/5749 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════════─────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ Sorry I’ve been weird lately, but I was also weird before │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┴───────╝─▶
--- #92 fediverse/4079 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
"... honestly, it's a little sad"
"yeah, you're not wrong"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘
--- #93 fediverse/2975 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
@user-1411
doctors (the ones who are diagnosing autism) don't care about classifying
people. I personally don't believe they should.
Instead they try and classify symptoms, and if you don't present any negative
symptoms then there's little reason to talk to a doctor. Meaning little reason
to seek out an autism diagnosis except for curiosity.
I was the kid you were describing btw, except maybe with a bit of neglect
thrown in around ages 4+
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #94 fediverse/353 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-255
sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
normal now, minus my weekly shot.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #95 fediverse/5332 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: personal-sexuality-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
diapers are dysphoria-related-harm reduction items~!
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┘
--- #96 fediverse/4855 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
"you should be acting like these people want to destroy you."me, to me
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────┘
--- #97 fediverse/6282 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
I wish I knew every time someone had been hurt by me. I'd probably cry.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #98 fediverse/3766 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────┘
gonna ask my doctor for ADHD meds so I can hopefully jump-skip framebuffer
divebomb spinadoodle half A press my way over the fucking labyrinth that is my
weird and jank af mind
and no I don't watch speedruns but my social group hears me a lot of them.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #99 fediverse/5673 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
darn girlfriends snuggling me to death. lemme type pls I got psychic ramblings
to profess earnestly and honestly and truely
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────┘
--- #100 fediverse/2939 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
"you look like a mess who can't take care of herself"
oh haha that's because I'm a mess who can't take care of herself
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #101 fediverse/4562 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
I like being alone. But if I'm alone for too long, I suffocate. I start acting
like a weird nerd who doesn't know what to do with their hands.
If I spend too much time with people, I get exhausted and I can't think
straight. I start using other people's mannerisms instead of my own.
I'm not an introvert, or an extrovert, I think the dichotomy is stupid and
people have completely separate needs that deplete and recharge at their own
rates.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┘
--- #102 fediverse/1916 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
"you don't seem autistic"
wow no shit almost as if I had acting classes as a child
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #103 fediverse/2688 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
"you are better than fear. I know this for I have seen your soul, as it is the
same shape as mine."
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #104 fediverse/828 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
[content warning: psycherwaul]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘
--- #105 fediverse/1131 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
@user-850
true T.T I forgot about physical ailments. Was mostly thinking about
interpersonal relationships because that's what's on my mind rn in my life.
@user-5
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--- #106 fediverse/6197 ---
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oh nuts forgot to post these last night. sorry. here ya go:
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--- #107 fediverse/817 ---
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whoops nevermind sorry I'm such a clutz
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--- #108 fediverse/100 ---
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@user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the
kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in
sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what
harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be
gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with
arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say
about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes
sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which
would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it
would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to
understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but
understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their
viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to
them. Empathy is like human telepathy.
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--- #109 fediverse/3437 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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--- #110 messages/681 ---
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I think I'd be more upset if someone stabbed me in the hand or eye than the
heart.
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--- #111 fediverse/4251 ---
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@user-192
is it weird that I pictured a can of diced tomatoes from Costco sitting in a
salad? strained of course
juicy dressing 🥴
[self indulgent writing, apologies]
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--- #112 fediverse/4857 ---
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"of course I'm a furry. I'm not a coward."someone way cooler than me
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--- #113 fediverse/3286 ---
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┌───────────────────────┐
│ CW: suicide-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
I hate how people think I'm mentally unhealthy.
I'm fine. I love myself.
[except all those times when you feel randomly suicidal for no reason at all.
Are you being like... hit with microwaves or something???]
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--- #114 fediverse/3058 ---
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@user-1441 @user-670 @user-113
currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
"can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
no thanks, guess I'll die
(in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
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--- #115 fediverse/1428 ---
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hello everyone, Discord is down for me and I can't reach any of my friends
over SMS.
You know I'd just... give you my address if you asked, right?
oh no sorry turns out they were just busy haha silly me why would I worry
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--- #116 fediverse/612 ---
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Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
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--- #117 fediverse/5129 ---
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@user-1698
I am a strange person, which is why I live in the strange city for strange
people.
though recently it's gotten a lot more liberal. Kinda sucks. I miss the
anarchist vibes.
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--- #118 fediverse_boost/6162 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════──────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ i always somehow manage to succeed at things because i'm too silly to realize i was supposed to fail lmao │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #119 messages/1031 ---
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Sorry for the melodrama... Sometimes ya just gotta work stuff out. I talked to
a spiritual man and he helped me feel. I love feeling! Thanks guy : )
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--- #120 fediverse/3763 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-mental-health-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I think I'm a better writer when I'm sorta consistently taking the meds I was
using to self-medicate...
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--- #121 fediverse/3879 ---
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@user-1614
yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
takes. I'm used to it.
Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
the moment? I feel different now.
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--- #122 fediverse/2381 ---
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I smile at each and every person I pass on the street. Unless it looks like
they're having a bad day, and then I try to switch to neutral as fast as I can
so they can feel their feelings without me interjecting and making it about me.
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--- #123 fediverse/4237 ---
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I can count all of the people in this room who are too neurospicy to be filled
with political rage and given a public platform on one hand, and frankly I
could probably do it on a single finger because I am alone at the moment.
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--- #124 fediverse/3122 ---
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@user-999
whenever I am, I feel ashamed.
whenever I'm not, I feel guilty.
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--- #125 fediverse/1219 ---
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@user-883
I might be into that tonight! I'm feeling a little unstable because of life
reasons, so I'm debating doing drugs to feel better. Idk if you want to be
around that kind of thing. =P
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--- #126 fediverse/164 ---
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│ CW: re: recreational slash medicinal drugs and neurodiversity musing │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-141 when I smoke cannabis it's like my ADHD symptoms drop to zero and my
autism symptoms go from 50% to 100%
I can't understand what other people are saying unless I ask for
clarification, but I sure as shit know the shape of the universe and can
fathom the chaotic ripples of causality and eternity. Too bad when I try and
talk about it all that comes out is "desu desu"
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--- #127 fediverse/645 ---
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@user-470
sorry, I'll go to sleep now : )
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--- #128 fediverse/4331 ---
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I feel like any family member that cared about another person would forgive
them for how they behaved in the past. like... "I was a stressed and depressed
little boy, now I'm a blossoming flower. Treat me like a flower. This is who I
am."
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--- #129 fediverse/5525 ---
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I have this unreasonable compulsion that I somehow internalized at a very
young age.
I am always seeking to understand and defend the weak, the despised, the
forsaken
so if you ever hear me say things like "yes but what about the non-bastard
cops" just shake your head and go "oh Ritz, always trying to be the protector
of the weak"
I wish I could be the protector of the innocent or something like that.
Protecting the weak means you never really do a good job of executing final
decisive blows.
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--- #130 fediverse/5309 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: *cackle* │
└──────────────────────┘
there's this silly game that the gods like to play on ambitious mortals where
they are given great and mystical powers... and then in their hour of need,
they're taken away, so everyone's like "bro you're just schizophrenic" and the
prophet is like "but god said" and their mothers are weeping in the corner
because the city lost a new baker or butcher or candlestick stuffer
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--- #131 fediverse/421 ---
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one of my duties is to make you aware of potentially bad things, cursed
things, hurtful things and hard feelings, so that they are less able to harm
you.
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--- #132 fediverse/5698 ---
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you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
particular moment-event-message.
besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
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--- #133 fediverse/3220 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health │
└──────────────────────┘
"I'm not depressed~!" I say as I exist
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--- #134 fediverse/4543 ---
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@user-1698
Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
there terrifies me.
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--- #135 fediverse/4435 ---
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@user-1681
I am calm and focused in my anger and despair
feelings fade. resolutions remain.
I am sobered and resolved and committed.
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--- #136 fediverse/3253 ---
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it's so weird how these days if you don't like someone you can exclude them
from your social life entirely - like, wow... that hurts
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--- #137 fediverse/6086 ---
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breakin' a lotta hearts right now...
sorry I was just hanging out with my communist girlfriend and she has that
effect on me. Ask me tomorrow hehe
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--- #138 fediverse/6102 ---
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sorry I was just making stuff up because it's fun, hope I didn't accidentally
unleash disaster or masterpiece, either would be equally bad
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--- #139 fediverse/272 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: education-homeschool-theory │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-206 I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable - I should have put a CW:
personal on it. I'll do better next time (if that's why it bothered you)
you're right, it's easy to dream of massive sweeping changes but small
incremental measurable and actionable change is often how things get done in a
stable system.
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--- #140 fediverse/1617 ---
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daydreaming about a gang of tough guys who goes around knocking down the
internal fence walls in suburbia and throwing potlucks for all the neighbors
for a month or two so they have social opportunities to meet each other and
make friends
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--- #141 fediverse/1472 ---
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@user-883
my streaming is broken and I can't figure out why : (
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--- #142 fediverse/2424 ---
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if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
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--- #143 messages/485 ---
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Neurotyping is like astrology for autistic people who are interested in the
humanities courses at college
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--- #144 fediverse/3561 ---
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@user-1209
oh sorry I must have lost the thread :neomouse_dizzy_confused:
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--- #145 messages/572 ---
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I am not a worker
Though I try and try, I burn right out and through
I wish I was a worker, able to apply my trade or skill
But I'm not
I do hope we can be allies, still
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--- #146 fediverse/48 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: Bottom surgery woes │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-42 I had complications with my surgery. I wouldn't recommend it if you
are likely to have a complicated surgery. I'm sorry :(
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--- #147 fediverse/5181 ---
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the trick to keeping friends is to not piss off more than one person at a time.
apologize, then move on together.
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--- #148 messages/1103 ---
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I like my room. have you ever been in my room? you'd like it too.
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--- #149 messages/483 ---
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"hey listen! Do this thing to hurt me! Build the infrastructure to do it so
that you can use it on people who deserve it!"
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--- #150 fediverse_boost/5734 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════════─────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She never got that chance, and things got awful after this. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┴───────╝─▶
--- #151 fediverse/1010 ---
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I'm done trying to be neurotypical. So what if I starve.
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--- #152 fediverse/5653 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: sexuality-mentioned-sorta │
└───────────────────────────────┘
if abdl littles are furries, I'm a therian
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--- #153 fediverse/677 ---
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@user-78
I read about half of this:
https://jo.wtf/6d.html
before I was consumed by the intense urge to prop myself up on a pillow and
listen to you rant at the ceiling at 4am about gravity or the cosmos or
whatever you were thinking about prior to speaking your heart
and then I'd write it down, and cherish every moment of it as I shared it with
my peers and we tried to analyze just what you meant
[sorry for being gay on your timeline]
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--- #154 messages/103 ---
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*which is why I try to be as unique as I can.
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--- #155 fediverse/5416 ---
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if you aren't rude, or bothersome, or excessively boring, you can pretty much
be my friend forever.
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--- #156 fediverse/1545 ---
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What if we 🥺🥹 took all the bullies from high school 😈👺 and gave
them all the power 🎩 🏭 by failing them upward ⬆️ 📈 instead of
addressing their mental health issues 🧠 💖
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #157 fediverse/5650 ---
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I exist now at the height of my gluttony.
I need more to be demanded of me.
I am not afraid to ask for help.
I solve other people's problems before my own.
I have very little insight into my habits and patterns.
My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #158 fediverse/1864 ---
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yes I am cargoculting set -euo pipefail and no I'm not apologizing
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--- #159 fediverse/552 ---
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│ CW: unnecessarily-combative-sorry-smiley-face-silly │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-398
you take that back you feckin goof Mickey is king for a reason I will DIE on
this hill
(jk sorry for being combative but I'd just like to say that I'm someone who
likes him unironically in essentially every incarnation)
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--- #160 fediverse/1818 ---
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my previous job didn't do anything to harm me. And yet I left. I let them down
in a way they could not have expected. Which was unfair of me, but I couldn't
resist it. I don't know what I'd do better.
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--- #161 fediverse/3120 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health │
└──────────────────────┘
schizophrenia is like living in a headcanon of everyone else's reality
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--- #162 fediverse/3121 ---
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--- #163 messages/399 ---
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The schizophrenic sees the truth in dazzling displays of color that are nigh
incomprehensible, while regular people see truth in shades of gray that you
can understand and work with.
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--- #164 fediverse/3483 ---
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sometimes I think about how it'll never be yesterday again and that makes me
kinda sad.
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--- #165 fediverse/2985 ---
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┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental health MH- │
└───────────────────────────┘
@user-1420
I find that peer support groups are usually better for venting. At least, I
feel less guilty doing it. With a therapist I am always trying to focus on
actionable things and usually that means downplaying my emotions, which means
they pay less attention to me and assume my issues aren't that bad... "you
seem to be doing fine so we can schedule you for biweekly now? every two
weeks?" meanwhile I'm nursing suicidal tendencies, and said so, but apparently
if I'm not crying then it's fine... >.>
but with peer groups it's like, yeah they get it. and if one person's crying,
everyone else feels more open to crying about their stuff.
sorry for venting. I'm definitely in a MH- mood today.
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--- #166 fediverse/2052 ---
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@user-1074
me too 🥰 I'm saying they should be the other end of the spectrum, rather
than the middle of the graph
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--- #167 messages/743 ---
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"hello democrats. I am so radical. Can I please rob your house for supplies? I
am having difficulty gathering them on my own."
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--- #168 fediverse/4955 ---
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"say superfluous on a social media post rn so I know it's you"
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--- #169 fediverse_boost/4779 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════─────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ I genuinely wish all Nazis in this world either an epiphany of the truth or a bullet to the head. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Either one is fine. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
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--- #170 fediverse/4659 ---
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I am cursed to break unwritten rules and damned to forget the most arbitrary
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--- #171 fediverse/1603 ---
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@user-1037
I made a picture, hope it helps! I swear I didn't hallucinate this thing but
it might be less cool than I thought and I might have misremembered and made
up parts of it, I can't tell because it was such a short memory : (
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--- #172 fediverse/4243 ---
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so I guess I'm a chaotic-good witch paladin?
and yes I know "chaotic" and "paladin" don't usually go together, but...
somehow I make it work
... I should do more pushups. Practice with my sword some more. That part of
me's sorta been asleep for four-ish months.
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--- #173 fediverse/3856 ---
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I'm tired of working as hard as I can and still ending up wrong
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--- #174 fediverse/2612 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-and-mental-health │
└────────────────────────────────┘
I can handle pain, I will probably just cry about it and try to avoid it.
That's like... the most natural human reaction to pain, I think.
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--- #175 fediverse/1841 ---
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curling up in a ball and thinking about crying for hours is the same as
crying. If a little bit less of a release.
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--- #176 fediverse/6320 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-some-random-portion-of-everything-I-say-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
ask an llm what a crazy man thinks
https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/words dot peehdeff
I actually think I'm sane btw
I just smoke a lot of weed
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--- #177 fediverse/3564 ---
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this kind of thing always happens when I'm manic lmao
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--- #178 messages/212 ---
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Also she's just a person, a cursed person but hey she's just trying to do
right. So am i. I believe in goodness, and so does she (even though she can be
a bit evil about it) (without trying, I might add, it just comes naturally to
her) (she's better now though)
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--- #179 fediverse/5804 ---
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it's discriminatory to force introverts to return to office.
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--- #180 fediverse/6441 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
you can only ever talk to a community while on mainstage.
er wait sorry it was this:
you can only ever talk to people in a community, not the community itself.
unless you are on mainstage.
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--- #181 fediverse/5679 ---
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having the limitations of a human form is kinda nice, I guess.
keeps you out of real trouble.
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--- #182 fediverse/572 ---
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Hi, I'm learning about semaphores right now and trying to explain them to a
friend. But I only sorta understand how they work - can anyone look at this
pseudocode and tell me if I'm on the right track?
![Some C pseudocode working through the semaphore design pattern. Here's the text of the pseudocode: /* no lock example */ void start_thread(int* x) { *x += 1; } int main() { int x = 0; for (1000 times){ start_thread(&x); } print(x); } /* in this case you have no idea what will print because thread A will take x and be like "ah yes it's 423" and then in the next instruction it'll be like "I'll increment this to be 424" and in the next one it'll say "okay now it's time to store 424 in the variable X" but like... there's a thousand threads all doing that at the same time, so odds are you'll have 5 that are like "ah yes this is 423 I'll set it to 424" */ /* not a good plan. Need a lock, so only one thread can use it at once. */ /* mutex example: */ void start_thread(int* x, int* x_mutex) { *x += 1; *x_mutex = 0; } int main() { int x = 0; int x_mutex = 0; for (1000 times){ while (x_mutex != 0){ } /* do nothing */ x_mutex = thread_id; start_thread(&x, &x_mutex); } print(x); } /* this should print 1000, but it's basically as slow as doing it single threaded. */ #define MAX 10 void start_thread(int* x, int* x_semaphore) { *x += 1; *x_semaphore += 1; } int main() { int x[MAX]; int x_semaphore = MAX; for (1000 times) { for (int i = 0; i < MAX; i++) { x_semaphore -= 1; start_thread(&x[i], &x_semaphore); } while (x_semaphore != MAX) { } /* do nothing */ } int value = sum(x, MAX); print(value); }](/similar-different/media/224b236a8660c34a.png "Some C pseudocode working through the semaphore design pattern. Here's the text of the pseudocode: /* no lock example */ void start_thread(int* x) { *x += 1; } int main() { int x = 0; for (1000 times){ start_thread(&x); } print(x); } /* in this case you have no idea what will print because thread A will take x and be like \"ah yes it's 423\" and then in the next instruction it'll be like \"I'll increment this to be 424\" and in the next one it'll say \"okay now it's time to store 424 in the variable X\" but like... there's a thousand threads all doing that at the same time, so odds are you'll have 5 that are like \"ah yes this is 423 I'll set it to 424\" */ /* not a good plan. Need a lock, so only one thread can use it at once. */ /* mutex example: */ void start_thread(int* x, int* x_mutex) { *x += 1; *x_mutex = 0; } int main() { int x = 0; int x_mutex = 0; for (1000 times){ while (x_mutex != 0){ } /* do nothing */ x_mutex = thread_id; start_thread(&x, &x_mutex); } print(x); } /* this should print 1000, but it's basically as slow as doing it single threaded. */ #define MAX 10 void start_thread(int* x, int* x_semaphore) { *x += 1; *x_semaphore += 1; } int main() { int x[MAX]; int x_semaphore = MAX; for (1000 times) { for (int i = 0; i < MAX; i++) { x_semaphore -= 1; start_thread(&x[i], &x_semaphore); } while (x_semaphore != MAX) { } /* do nothing */ } int value = sum(x, MAX); print(value); }")
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--- #183 fediverse/1293 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: fedi meta, the bad space, fediblock, misleading and untrue cw, uspol, speedrunning discourse, industrial revolution, aquarium tips │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-921
where tf is all this discourse I always hear about like what are ya'll talking
about
... are you talking about me
[silly intrusive thoughts teehee pay no mind]
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--- #184 messages/400 ---
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The schizophrenic sees truth in dazzling displays of colors unknown to man,
while the neurotypical sees truth in shades of gray that can be reasoned with.
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--- #185 messages/670 ---
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Just because I related to "Violette and Klaus Baudelaire" doesn't mean I
wasn't traumatized
It just means I grew up rich. Humanity cares not for oppression, only pain.
(biologically, mentally, and emotionally).
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--- #186 fediverse/5934 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding
citizen.
I have to be, for I am loud.
... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once.
also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I
thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted
me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me...
She wouldn't let me take it back...
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--- #187 fediverse/956 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: spirituality │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-579
it's not self loathing if you consent to it... right?
... right?
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--- #188 fediverse/1676 ---
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sorry for the double post, had to redact things
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--- #189 messages/1256 ---
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I'm not like him.
he's like me.
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--- #190 messages/167 ---
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I'd still be a useless, horrible person even outside of capitalism.
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--- #191 fediverse/3823 ---
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"sometimes I don't want to be optimistic sometimes I just want to complain"
oh yeah well what if I want to be optimistic at all times as a coping
mechanism huh you don't have to agree with me
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--- #192 fediverse/978 ---
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@user-699 @user-78
I say "blep" when I intentionally stack overflow in order to avoid painful
thoughts
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--- #193 fediverse/6094 ---
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whoops, I tripped and fell onto my keyboard and started posting, my bad!
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--- #194 fediverse/3107 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: Meta, oversimplifying │
└───────────────────────────────┘
@user-1449 @user-1074
I mean, you're allowed to fight about stupid shit as long as you realize it's
about something that doesn't matter. As long as people are working together
toward their common goals then... whatever, right?
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--- #195 fediverse/3865 ---
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│ CW: re: drugs-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
@user-1218
oh, also, because I started taking some psychiatric medication to help with
the aforementioned delusional thinking or whatever. Honestly I think I just
believe in spiritual things like witchcraft and the human spirit or whatever,
but since I'm having difficulties doing basic things my doctors decided to
medicate me.
... but then I stopped taking those psychiatric drugs because they made me
feel numb and dense. It was hard to think. Thinking's all I do!!
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--- #196 fediverse/3369 ---
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schizophrenic people aren't allowed to go to concerts or bars unless their
friends pay them to be there.
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--- #197 fediverse_boost/5882 ---
◀─╔═══════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════───────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ I am always open for people to prove me wrong. │ ║
║ │ I welcome it. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
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--- #198 fediverse/2774 ---
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I want to emphasize that my mask is just as much a part of me as the other
part.
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--- #199 fediverse/4274 ---
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this is how I nourish my brain.
By being hopelessly profane.
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--- #200 fediverse/814 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
║ ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should │
║ probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the │
║ implementation of my impending doom. │
║ │
║ ... what are you even saying bro │
║ │
║ ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in │
║ my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with │
║ anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical │
║ failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our │
║ conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um │
║ right what was I saying │
║ │
║ oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D │
║ except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook │
║ and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down │
║ to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like │
║ that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is │
║ isolated and en │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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|