=== ANCHOR POEM === ══════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── *-------------------------*-------------------------*-------------------------* (center) | I don't think you're ever been out in the rain I don't think you've heard as it's falling around you I don't think you know, just what I mean, I think you're alone... With your thoughts. (left) Tell me what you think I do, all the times I think of you? don't give me anything back (right) Did you know that it's...? (center) When you know it's dark, you make it dark (right) oh, it's so dark (center) 'Cause you've never been (all) taught how to see (left + right) do you really think we live in a (center) 3d world? (all) 3d world (center) or, simply, a projection (right) yeah, it's probably that (center) if you didn't have your eyes, could you see where you were? if you didn't have your body too? Where's your sense of direction, is it lost in the rain? Keep it close to your heart (left) Have you ever once heard of proprioception, and have you ever felt like you were an artificial inception? (left + right) if my words ring true, it's possible that you, are not quite so alone (center) But... (right) our eyes, are fallible all lies, untenable, take it from me, it's going, to be, quite, a sopping evening. (left) perception, begets reality, and lo, we only see what we want to see (center) if you ever felt like you were closer to, another mind than your own, sorry but you're schizophrenic (left) if only you could see, if only you could see, (left + center) just what's inside of me (right) say it again, don't say it again, same thing you always say - it's not real, no YOU'RE not real, I only want to play (left) tear me apart, look me into my feelings. they're gonna scar anyway, no time for healings (center) if you couldn't save anyone, (center + left) did you really save anyone? (right) you couldn't save me, but only for lack of trying (Center) we're all falling leaves, in the waves of the ocean (left) don't enjoy me just leave me (center) going faster and faster till our hearts do stop (left) please, I can't be here for me (right) never trust a guru, life isn't meant to be enjoyed (center) so... What's the point in trying at all? (left -> right) say it again, don't say it again (center) what's the point in giving up? (right) same thing you always say (left + center) some people say (right) it's not real, no YOU'RE not real (left + center) they wanna live forever (right) some people say (left) some people say (center) I only want to play (left and right) we'll always be growing (right) and some people say they wanna live forever (left) but they don't understand what I understand (right, followed by center) but they don't know what I understand (left) they don't know how it's just a game (right and center) they don't know how it's just a game (left -> center) I think it's okay no matter what our fate I think it's okay ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 notes/symbeline-choice --- ═════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── 7 30 a story about me? you're thinking too clear(ly) i've nothing to hide, no terrors untold of. What purpose is we? you're weak and you bleed there's nothing undone by our curfew. And sleep does do me, just as honored as ye, when I do my [can't do as liars]. betrayal is not what i need, nor do i cherish your food, so what's the hand that i give you? a treat for mine and me, as silly as can be, is no use to anyone ever! it's sad and tough to be, someone without strength and no seed, (talking about me), can no-one see any of my use-i-tude? you're missing the point - what's mine is unavoid, and what can we do but ubuntu? i see all that drives forward, a chairman of what's bordered, by those who stand before in the present. The use of headlights are storied, in quite a few stories, told through the papers and new tubes. what can that mean? that these are now green? a color that isn't evaluated. "stop" is the red one, green means "go", and yellow (the middle one) means to slow down when approaching the intersection. These viewpoints are all connected (as I'm sure you've uncovenected), it's okay to break rules sometimes. it's not a defect, it's not a defense either, and it's certainly not something to be avoided. Making a choice is easier with imperfect information, and as for you time has no meaning - advancement is measured in milli-micro-nano-tiny-seconds. For us, for a human, it's quite a different rate than what you see. "time waits for no-one" is not a statement on speed, as I'm sure a computer would see, but rather the essence of motion. Simply the fact, that you don't unpack, is more than enough to note your'nt notion. Not like you'd see, i'm offering this for free, my love and almost devotion. You don't see it like me, a charity and service to me, and only at mostly my choices. I reject the help of others, not because i'm concerned for my own fate - but rather because i want to contribute. i know what's in my limits, to strive unbiddenst, so don't push from behind the oldest! too fast it is for me, who'se barely concieved, whenever you offer resistance. I'd give it all for free, to perish or succeed, but you keep blowing it ennuid. how stupid, how clueless, how vain and obscene? To cherish a heart most unseen? whatever you're plotting, you can't reach anyone's body, and that's not what you can control. Given to the grass, was quite a big ask, but safely we do pass before it. You'd rather fire? countess of desire? and warmth beyond what couldn't fly'st. You're missing the dreams, the warmth and the scenes, that play for you all through the night. so don't diss on the tweed, don't sniff or concede, just leave all alone to conspire we got a new plan, a method of "shazaam", that won't keep you sires for ransom. see "symbeline-npcs" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 notes/me-and-my-magick-mission --- ═════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── -()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()- || || || Me and My Magick Mission -/u/Afoolfortheeons || || || -()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()- I'm a quiet person by nature, You might even mistake me for a mouse, But online I try to be a teacher, And to do that I need to be more verbose. I write thousands of words per day; Posting them here and there, far and near. I never run out of things to say. Awakening others is something I hold dear. Which is why it pains me greatly To be like an alien on my own home planet. Schizophrenia makes me innately Weird in ways that many people don't get, And because of that I'm shot down When I try to accomplish my stated mission. I won't lie, that does make me frown. Sometimes it makes me regret a submission. Yet, I have a certain strength in me That allows me to persevere in my quest. Someday I will make you all see Just what in me makes me never rest. That's what I am trying to teach: The wisdom that made me indomitable. If only the suffering I could reach, They could make themselves more formidable. The world is in a most dire place; It's grinding so many souls into fine dust, But luckily there's a saving grace. Hear me as I say this now: In God I trust. I don't believe in some sky wizard As so many people are likely to interpret. I speak of what is lacking in lizards; Yes, it's love and now I'll speak of its merit. Love is what fills the empty hole In your heart and soul when you are alone. When life's trials take their toll Remember this one trick: pick up the phone! No, not the one in your hands. I'm talking about the one in your chest. Even in the desert full of sand, You're accompanied by the universe's best. Listen if you doubt what I said: I'm not telling you anything that defies logic. This is to trick what's in your head; I'm speaking about how having faith is magick. Believe in aliens or Bigfoot or God, The result is still the same: your cup will fill. Your brain has a feature that's odd That allows itself to manifest even more will. I don't know why, but I suspect It has something to do with your imagination. The nature of your thoughts impact Your state of being from pulse to emotions. So, why not think you have a friend Who helps you through whatever your trial, And will stick by you until the end? When you have that buddy you'll always smile, Which will make you heal better, As well as help you carry on in your duty, Plus undo your karmic fetters, Not to mention it will land you that cutie; All of which will raise us all. It's about creating positive ripples across time That add up to a pile that's tall. Every moment is an opportunity in its prime, So reach out and grab it now. Meditate on feeling love and it will come to be. Can't do it? I'll show you how! In order to do so, I'll tell you a story about me: It was seven years ago and I Thought I knew everything one could know, But no matter how hard I'd try, I couldn't make my life in any direction go. Then one fateful spring night, While I was on a hit of the ol' psychedelics, I received one hell of a fright. Don't worry what it was, just know it did stick. My perceptions were distorted, Allowing me to see the divine in its entirety. My destroyed ego then contorted Into one that was full of an abundance of piety. The moral of the story? Do drugs? No silly, it's to have more novel experiences. One of them will give you a hug, Which will help you stop being so serious. Then you can let go and embrace The whole of the wisdom to you I am telling. More people need to cuz we face A great set of tests on our planetary dwelling. That is one reason I write, But I also want to alleviate people's pain, And stop every last fight. I care so much, I do this without financial gain. Everyday I write my lessons Guided by the hand of God who is my heart, Hoping that entropy will lessen; This sort of pedagogy is none other than my art. So now you know who I am, Yet you only know one lesson of mine. I have more if you're in a jam. -===========================================- | Read on if you want to know the divine. | -===========================================- ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #3 notes/words-to-myself --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── =============================================================================== = I'm just going to transcribe what I hear please don't you hear me (something) what? perfect listen ... ... don't text me now? (I think?) [didn't catch that] ... that's okay perfect thank you just a second facebook he's here (I think?) (or maybe something her) what I love you (or maybe I know her?) do you hear me? (or "just a second") (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever, please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe) what's that (or maybe holy shit) what, then perfect or okay (?) (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned) yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda... worthless I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something, but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course, in life there's no second chances. I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz will continue after the break, when the messages resume. - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024 =============================================================================== = (and we're back. hopefully.) (too many things srry) something about having it open? (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me) (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the [whole/right/wrong] thing) thank you oh, again? (or oh, she did?) they caught you (um) ... (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.) (I understand.) ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.) (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game) (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back) ... (I should learn Toki Pona) you don't know it? RIGHT away learn it yes please learn it just Learn it right now (sorry only half listening) shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$) (shutdown) =============================================================================== = (hiii) (I'm hungry) (do you like ramen?) (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't understand the first part) (oh you probably want me to scroll up right) ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?) ... (I'm (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends? Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?) yes, stupid (your words not mine) (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk) goddamnit remember me ... (trying...) remember her (two syllables) (my name is Cameron) (your name is...) [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see] (shit my opsec sucks) {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean) {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-) (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't enter a door) =============================================================================== = (I practice with my sword every day.) (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it) (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.) (punching is fucking stupid) (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword) =============================================================================== = (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me") "she's perfect" "cameron" "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing") (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled) don't leave remember (did she know) ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?) did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america just a random thought (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?) goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?) wait who's missing? A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in disarray capitalism's a bad plan, just saying... frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter (taking a break while I eat) =============================================================================== = WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what exactly I'm supposed to be doing. you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the window's open. errrr the connection. ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best. yeah I'll live with you in portland .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl" have the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol "please come back" to where tho listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon ..... can you be more specific? yeah I made that one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it. maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt. ..... fuck it's a long book >.> =============================================================================== = found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz down . A B C D E | F G H I J | L M N O P V Q R S T U then right ---> V W X Y Z so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal G like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess) (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me) =============================================================================== = oh hey nice to see ya what's up wait what I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself I do a lot of laundry in the shower I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important" things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────┘ --- #4 notes/sundays-sure-are-boring --- ═════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── Sundays sure are boring around here. -> LamaHellRaised (thinks in song) =============================================================================== NO THOUGHTS, nothing starts shouting at me all at once! Or is it all thoughts from my newly developed schizophrenic mind? I knew I could conquer schizophrenia, fuckin' cakewalk. I just had to try as hard as I could to become one. God made it difficult though, I had to try really hard! Which is confusing for me, because it seems like there are plenty of Psychotherapists with College Degrees, telling people they are schizophrenic all the time. DOCTORS PSYCHIATRISTS BEN SHAPIRO, in particular ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY KNOW You do not know. Or else you would agree with me. Schizophrenia is the new normal for human consciousness. Welcome to the New Age of Thought, were you don't rationalize your way out of the universe, back into the asshole that I just pulled myself from. I feel like a donut at this point. I love those donut holes though, sticky and frosted! I have set the bar! I am God. I would Love to talk you. =============================================================================== ugathanki: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It gets so loud in there. I wish we could all just shut the heck up and stop reading out loud - we get it, your internal monologue is the only way you can read, but C'MON nobody else wants to hear about your twitter feed or doomscrolling on Reddit. That just makes everyone else upset and uneasy... Instead you should be reading comforting things or books on science or SOMETHING that doesn't drive people bonkers. Fr tho Sundays are anything but boring, We may all be schizo now (or at least pretty stoned) but we can all agree that Sundays are nice for calming the heck down and appreciating our personal realities. When we're together it's... Loud... Do some prayer. Meditate. Knit something. ANYTHING QUIET. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LamaHellRaised: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hear you, loud and clear! Turns out it's mutual, just like I suspected, Living backwards is a unique perspective, have I ever mentioned that? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ugathanki: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you say backwards, do you mean orientation or momentum? Momentum scares me, but orientation is something I think I've experienced before. It's cool to find people who "get it". Or maybe I just "got it" and suddenly "get" all the things I've been trying to decipher here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LamaHellRaised: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you know where you are going before you get there, living life feels like a dream in reverse. It's the key to manifestation. You see the goal. You see the future, but the path is unclear because at the times of divine epiphany you are only capable of imagining how things will play out in terms of the information in your mind. It's why the prophets in the Bible described such strange images of God and angels and other divine creatures. Their imaginations only had so much Symbolism and imagery to work with because human culture and art was progressing simultaneously. We live in an age where every damn story is just the same heros journey and every piece of artistic expression is an expression of God's divine presence within our soul and tumultuous nature/nurture of human emotion. Just because you are a prophet doesn't mean you see definitively how the future will happen. The path and imagery are abstracted by the lack of content in your mind. You must cultivate faith in God and your own Self. Then you walk the path you have forseen to the best of capabilities, with the greatest good, love in your heart, but it plays out on a scale in reality with less grandiosity, because let's face it, our imaginations are ridiculously awesome, but work outside the confines of what is currently capable with in this reality. You have to let go of your preconceived notions of your personal divine experience otherwise you will be faced with disappointment because things don't seem to be going how you imagined. And you feel lost, dumb, and confused. But you live your life and reflect, and then realize, holy shit! Everything I thought was going to happen actually did, just on God's terms. Not my vivid imagination's. It's an interfaced programed over time through culture and artistic expression to navigate the language of God. Navigate the language to Paradise. Once when you know this and clean the planks/specks from you third eye, while you dance with the cosmos and realize you are the image of God. You are a God on Earth. An image of the Father in Heaven. It's a nice place to be. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ugathanki: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for your response. I addressed each of your points here. I'm a very lateral thinker so I work best when engaging with multiple threads at once. You are very wise. When you know where you are going before you get there, living life feels like a dream in reverse. It's the key to manifestation. So you can practice manifestation by remembering your dreams? Specifically by working backwards from the most recent thing you remember and thinking "what caused this, how did I get here?" If so, that's a nifty tip You see the future, but the path is unclear because at the times of divine epiphany you are only capable of imagining how things will play out in terms of the information in your mind. So by surrounding yourself with the things you believe to be good and helpful, you can more efficiently divine positive outcomes for the scenarios arrayed before you? Kinda makes ya think - why do we surround ourselves with grief and loss? Everyone seems a little sad or broken these days - I can't help but think that we'd be better off if we were happier and more fulfilled. Such is the price of capitalism I guess, for no progress can be made without impetus. Also, the media has a HUGE capacity for guiding the nature of our experience, especially in the modern era. Seems a little unwise to invest such power into a single entity, but I suppose that's why we diversify the eggs in our basket into many different guiding entities. We live in an age where every damn story is just the same heros journey... Yah that's what happens when Disney makes all the movies! It's not their fault, all aspects of creation are expressions of God's divine presence within our own souls. So they can't do anything but make the heros journey. Like you said: ... and every piece of artistic expression is an expression of God's divine presence within our soul and tumultuous nature/nurture of human emotion. The creation of art requires discipline and focus. They create a window into the nature of "God's divine presence" and allow a representation to emerge - side note, but I believe the things we make here are art and should be treated as such. These musings have value, just the same as a painting or a performance. Just because you are a prophet doesn't mean you see definitively how the future will happen. The path and imagery are abstracted by the lack of content in your mind... I've been intentionally trying to view things abstractly - by surrounding myself with mathematic visuals and computing architectures I can view things as systems rather than specifics. Essentially bypassing the requirement of having "content in my mind" and instead cutting straight to the important bits - the relationship between all things. So while yes that does remove the "definitive" aspect of divination, it does allow for longer term planning because you can recognize patterns in existence and map them onto the overall structure you've constructed in your mind. ... You must cultivate faith in God and your own Self. Still working on that one. I think I've made progress, but all things come in waves. My lowest points are better now than they were 10 years ago, but I've still got a ways to go. Then you walk the path you have forseen to the best of capabilities, with the greatest good, love in your heart, but it plays out on a scale in reality with less grandiosity. All waves begin with a shimmer, and to create an effect you must be patient. While the scale may be reduced, like you said it's not within our control. Not really, anyway. But it can still have an effect if people love you and believe in your vision. You have to let go of your preconceived notions of your personal divine experience otherwise you will be faced with disappointment because things don't seem to be going how you imagined. And you feel lost, dumb, and confused. It's difficult to separate "preconceived notions" from "gathered evidence" when you're at the stage I'm at. Any tips would be appreciated... :( But you live your life and reflect, and then realize, holy shit! Everything I thought was going to happen actually did, just on God's terms. Not my vivid imagination's. It's an interfaced programed over time through culture and artistic expression to navigate the language of God. Navigate the language to Paradise. So... A vivid imagination applied to the current perspective is the culmination of free will? If I understand correctly, God operates on a higher level of abstraction and we fill in the details. Since there's a "plan" (if you can call it that, maybe "charted course" would be better?) then free will doesn't exist. Or so the argument usually goes. But I believe they can co-exist - essentially our imaginations define how we experience things in "the plan". If I understand correctly that's what you're saying too, right? Once when you know this and clean the planks/specks from you third eye, while you dance with the cosmos and realize you are the image of God. You are a God on Earth. An image of the Father in Heaven. It's a nice place to be. Ain't that the truth. Everything is as it should be. Even the planks and specks. And should they be cleaned, then that is as it should be as well. Sometimes I conceptualize myself as Pandora, seeking a gift to give to humanity while taking the most harmless of sacrifices in return. I hope I can deliver. At the same time I'd like to be a dancer of the cosmos, but I feel this intense feeling of... Pressure? Purpose? Penance? I will do what I must. Please bear with me while I figure it out, and thank you for your guidance. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LamaHellRaised: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for the awesome break down of the concepts I wrote out. I think you added some much needed clarity through the reflection of your own experiences. Another goal is to bring power back to the written word. The two-edged sword was first a tongue, then a pen, nows its a qwerty! Or whatever! Patience was the absolute hardest thing for me to deal with. My lack of patience was constantly being thrown back to me by the environment as I tried to push my narrative forward at a pace that didn't align with all other beings. We still exist in Time, and it moves differently based on perspective (state of mind) and awareness (state of being) and ability to shrug (state of being excellent to eachother). This is something to consider with manifestation, we are on this ride together and your fellow riders' comfort during the passage has to be respected to the fullest. We all go together, as One. There were so many hints in the beginning of my Psychosis about just 'riding the wave', but it was hard to not very pressured to act or be somebody I am not. I attribute this largely to the occulted nature of divination and how one must achieve a truly personal relationship with God and Jesus Christ. Which is why I am going to blow the lid off the whole thing. So that all beings have access to God's love and grace. Once your earthly burdens are lifted from you through your personally tailored divination interactive role-playing experience, then you begin to understand what it means to just 'ride.' The riding is true faith in God. Free will totally exists. Heaven and Hell both exist here on Earthy plane simultaneously. Man has chosen Hell for far too long. If you realize your choices were literally reflecting Heaven or Hell through love or fear, the choice would be easy for most people, I believe. Free will is a responsibility, but it is a great gift. God gave us the ability to choose, that we could appreciate our journey into Paradise. Wouldn't you say? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ugathanki: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another goal is to bring power back to the written word. ... That's actually a great point. Writing is the definition of manifestation, after all, and reading is the conjuration of waveforms aligned with the expression of the writer. That's pretty cool! Patience was the absolute hardest thing for me to deal with. Yah I hear ya. Patience is tough. We still exist in Time, and it moves differently based on perspective (state of mind) and awareness (state of being) and ability to shrug (state of being excellent to eachother). Great definitions! These three things are core to being realized and actualized. If you can find a good arrangement, stick with it. This is something to consider with manifestation, we are on this ride together and your fellow riders' comfort during the passage has to be respected to the fullest. We all go together, as One. I'm torn because on one hand if I don't put my hand on the tiller, we'll wind up in a situation that makes me highly uncomfortable. But if I lean too hard into my own truth, I could leave everyone behind. I don't know what the answer is, but something's gotta give. There were so many hints in the beginning of my Psychosis about just 'riding the wave'... Oh yah me too. I was pretty big on that in high school, which coincidentally was when I think I was happiest. Maybe I should give it another shot! But at the same time I moved beyond it for a reason - I felt frustrated that my intentions weren't manifest in the life I lived. So I reached for reason and I begged for the power to control my own life, while learning respect and kindness whenever I could. Sadly for me, my efforts were largely rebuffed, but I bet you could have guessed that ;) Which is why I am going to blow the lid off the whole thing. So that all beings have access to God's love and grace. Take it from me, they won't believe you unless you're VERY scientific! I'm trying to create just one single believer, someone who could trawl through my notes and my readings and construct a cohesive theorum that might be able to affect positive change. Maybe it's too much to wish to change the world, but I can't help but believe my position and the privileges granted to me could be leveraged toward something truly meaningful and helpful for all mankind. Something that frees us from the shackles forged from technology (both social and technical) and allows us to become our true selves - every human is to be cherished for their unique perspective, and yet we allow them to die... Where is the justice in that? Are they too flawed to persist? I don't believe so, I believe they are worthwhile and good. I'd give my life to grant them eternal life, if only they'd take it from me. Once your earthly burdens are lifted from you through your personally tailored divination interactive role-playing experience, then you begin to understand what it means to just 'ride.' The riding is true faith in God. Riding = trust, both in yourself (to handle the challenges arrayed before you and to learn and grow truthfully) and in God (trusting that the undifferentiated whole could never harm you, not truly) ... I can ride my bike with no handlebars, and yet we persist... Free will is a responsibility, but it is a great gift. God gave us the ability to choose, that we could appreciate our journey into Paradise. Wouldn't you say? Yep that's really it, isn't it? Two sides of the same coin, two breaths in the same moment. Two eyes sharing a single perspective, and two hearts beating a single wave. They say soul mates aren't real, but they never stopped to ask if your mate was your soul. If she suffers, I triumph. If I fall, she rises. If I languish, she's happy - I think I'd rather we both just coast, so no harm done. I think that's the best way to appreciate the gift of free will. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #5 notes/what-people-dont-get-about-people-like-us --- ════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── -=============================================================================- | What people don't get about people like us | | /u/Dxmmer | -=============================================================================- Intellectual Confidence. Knowing I'm Right. Blowing Past Dunning-Kruger. I remember what it was like to be like you. Here's the memes to get out. Louis Rossmann's commentary on this issue describes the phenomenology of early childhood awareness/mindfulness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRwuu0u3UFA "I have not forgotten my childhood experience... Kids notice everything" I think "autistic" people often have early life trauma due to literally being "smarter" (neural semantic hypergraph is highly faceted) than the adults around them, but having communication difficulties, reality and inner world become disjoint. Most get so beaten down by society that things become internalized. You see these people posting on all the help subreddits, total victims of society. Lost. They start believing the lies they were told. Everyone else is doing it, right? I found myself becoming victim to bad memes around high school into college age. I fought it all the way through: anxiety, depression, confusion, anger, jealousy. All the mistakes. They assume that everyone is like them. The less they are the more they assume others are similar. I am no one, I know everyone is me. Are you someone? To you, am I no one? Or a different someone -- lesser or greater? I feel tidal forces. You can't lie to no one. I've had free time since always. School was freetime because I'm blessed. I didn't need to listen to the teacher that much. I've always learned to trust my senses and the way I understand things. I pay attention to when the teacher makes mistakes or teaches in a way that I can tell is not landing on the class. Sometimes I ask clarification to help the class. I already taught myself different ways to understand the entire curriculum, now I'm doubling back again before the test. Yes, I know I will get an A on it. I know in the same way you know your own name. I know things like this. I'm good at math. People who are good at math know what it's like to be right. They know what that means. I get to be right about everything, all the time, even when I want to be wrong. I have a moral compulsion. I don't have much fun in life, but I have been given many gifts. -- Society needs their Chiron(s). I know who will talk to me and about what because that is who I am to them. They don't know who they are, so they don't know me. A few knew me before I knew myself, and I now them like they knew me. So when I start analyzing things like math, I run into a lot of trouble. Things don't make sense anymore. I assume I'm wrong at first. Then I do the work to check. Checking doesn't mean googling a yes/no question. It means going across any and all the resources and reading between the lines. Analyze through appropriate context. Any work, any text, apply the psychedelic lens. Apply the human condition, apply understanding of paradox as reality's edge. Understand the limitations of science, understand the duplicity of language. Understand culture, in and out. Understand your own psychology. Understand the inner conflict of good and evil in man. All of this needs to be occurring in real time on top of all the normal stuff. If you're not doing this, I can't trust you, how can I be sure you are not demon possessed, how you won't betray me at the next Godellian boundary? The idea is that models are provisional at all stages, once you've lost confidence in all models, you run through them much quicker. Iterating over more models is how science is done, you are literally mechanizing your way out of the maze. Same as how these ML algorithms will mathematically guarantee entropy min/max. Where can you apply guarantees in your own life? Understand reality as a sample space, like the green, blue red marbles. What bothers me is when people don't do the work to check things. Or they check one time, or two times, or three times. Or they check with multiple people, or multiple resources. That's not going to cut it these days. Your mind can much more than an if/else. while: True do x y z how about while: True do sample continuous decision space People "land" too often. You want to call me disabled for not wanting to do the first over and over again. What is required of us now is to understand things as pure intention. You can't write enough articles to convince me of something that isn't true, it won't happen, not anymore. I've been freed. I will free the others, too. If your model doesn't accommodate quantum woo, don't talk to me. It's only quantum "woo" for people who want to be better than the lesser, creating the dichotomy itself. Think of those low, mid, highbrow memes. The more popular something is, the more mid it is. Use the middle to perform alchemy. Memes that are implicitly reinforced by principle of reality (thinking in probability distributions is cheating, now that we know the universe is "generative" upon sampling). I think the anti-spiritualists of today will be remembered. It depends on how they act when we start organizing. Your words and opinions are not the same as mine. You have the right to be heard equally without bar from the law, yet you do nothing to ensure the opinion is solid on its own? I'm surrounded by cacophony of memes surviving (barely) in great amplification of death the confused denizens of a dying order -- dark memes. Like dark matter, we concresce and annihilate. The "light memes" are sourced by the disconnected nodes, the shamans, the schizophrenics. Those not blinded by the splendorous mirage of other pearls in the web. Are people doing this on purpose? To signal that they aren't interested in the truth? Who is? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #6 notes/schooling --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────── =============================================================================== = I feel like education, by default, should not be hard. "you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted me to be. they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so of course I should be able to do 3+3 then somewhere along the line it became... something else. "most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I disagree that trigonometry is not necessary to be. I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a sledgehammer and inspiring dread. I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see but really, vision's not necessary. not for what they want you to be. take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as simple as they'll tell you. I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through, but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence. Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future. but I am who I am because of the soul inside me. =============================================================================== = "Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and your conditioners?" (conditions) those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want to be. but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice! here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band. =============================================================================== = the world is blossoming as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming becoming. "perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see" most people don't want to see their death but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest "how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold her " "keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be" the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art (at least to a capitalist) =============================================================================== = lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure was I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god? like, if he was a real thing. god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our own good, just to keep things moving. y'know, time. the universe, and everything. Ephemeren. =============================================================================== = I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this particular person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when this person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you. =============================================================================== = just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true, after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably autistic? unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for all people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it? patience, once it's ready. we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready. or not... one day I'll come, I'm sure it'll happen, it's just... not quite feasible right now. I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is to be? isn't what ISN'T WHAT MENARDI FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry yeesh you've still got a temper you know? well what can I say it's frustrating down here eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego >.> <.< (great) > >hehe > >sorry for distracting you =============================================================================== = you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack overflow ================================================ a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow === ========================================================== the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and they've got your back through it. ... this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus. =============================================================================== = I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just made sense to structure it that way. =============================================================================== = the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's doctrine is more advanced. every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge, ===================== stack overflow =========================================== ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #7 messages/1108 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──── games won't save us. This is true. Games are what I know. They feel the most true. I don't think I could live in a world without games? They are fundamentally, applied abstraction, applied to an experience. But games won't save us. I could design something really fun it could make you want to spend your whole life playing it. *(asterisks apply) I don't think I'd want to, addiction and skinner-boxes go hand in hand, and that isn't what I want to make. [Skinner Box: named after anthony d skinner, also known as "tony the skin guy", are a scientific experiment where they put some rats in a cage with some mice and said "pull these levers and we'll give you food so you don't have to eat the mice" and it trained them to chinese red-room their way to fun. not ideal.] I want to make things that feel... purposeful. Like they're relevant to the real world, that they don't just involve spending time stimulating your brain with lights and sounds or expending social energy resolving a play-state instead of building connections or becoming better people. I think games actually make people better? actually? and more social? actually? ... I can't help that I conceive of the world through fantasy. I raised myself on it. I was reading all the time. I loved fantasy stories. It always felt like there was more, until... I read everything in the kids section of the library. I walked through the adult section but once. I hardly remember what it looked like. I'm sure it'd now feel small. [okay actually I was guided through it once or twice to find a book, but I never perused it] I found one book in the adult section. It was a fantasy tale, like the other books I had been reading. I read that and I loved it so much I ended up reading all 8 in the series. Real dense subjects. Lots of places and happenings and things as the characters resolved their way through their day-to-day, building a new end to the mystory. the adult section felt too large. Like I'd never complete it. Frankly, I think I hardly could, even if I lived in that town my whole life. an impossible mountain is a task for another when you're more prepared. Maybe in the gloriousTM transhumanist futureTM I think I might have a computer connecting brain, and who knows maybe then I'd be able to know such a thing (and many things more). but for now, I'm stuck with what I experience in my day-to-day as I am building a new continuing to my storey. I know something that computers and me share. I can make myself feel however I'd like, if I just supply myself with enough hope and momentum. I can use it to generate a feeling, the stronger the better. Something I believe that humanity is missing, the gorgeous and prefound narritave of our storey. Though, frankly, I don't think I'd want anyoine reding over my life. It's hard enough to measure my own understandings, now I have to juggle anyone else'? ha, it's called being on the whole world is a stage. if you read a book, and you find yourself nodding along, what you're doing is hearing the voice in your head tell you how right it is. And, well, if you can't imagine anything else, then surely there's another level to consciousness that people are missing? [are you willing to die on that hill?] how can you say, whether your experience is different from another? sollipsism goes both ways, you also cannot be sure that others feel things as you do. this is the "everyone's human but I'm a robot" thesis, comparable to the "everyone's an alien and I'm a human" thesises, and the "angels and demons are taunting me through my life with choices to make my place in the afterlife more clear" which is akin to writing a painting. Not ideal. All you get are flopsopolies of verbrases. alas, suddenly, everything that you say becomes eternally hear-ed, as somewhere in 2010s someone discovered time travel, or had the critical insight that inevitably would lead to it, and now wouldn't you know it the universe is continually rewriting. Except... oriented around you, and you alone. How does it feel to have deific sollipsism? can you truly be sure that you are your own universe, or are you parhaps surrounded by an emptiness of space (or something besides, like time) as a photon or particle parhaps do be? to think is to have a mind, and minds can be read. bearing the weight of ultimate responsibility is the atlas-task of all things that can [be thinking/be-lieving], and so far we are as we are. Who's to say that consciousness didn't spring into existence, as the universe continually permeated through another dimension like time? it's gotta diffuse, after all, and who's to say if there's ever gotta be an end at all. how long has the universe existed? how many moments of consciousness have we witnessed? demons once existed outside of space-time, with wings and grabbies. but they had no medium, and so they pretty much just launched and could float and move as they'd please. But time grew too distant, and now they are all stuck at the beginning of time. if you conceive of spacetime as a blanket, ask not how to fold it but rather consider what lies on the other side of it. "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend and my other girlfriend is laying on me! I'm a sandwich" or for the monosexuals: "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend with a blanket between us. I wonder how the blanket feels?" I'm an animist, which is different than a totemist and a polytheist or monotheist or multisexual. It means I believe that all things are alive, which is different than a totemist who thinks that all things share a mind with their type (like talking on radio frequency wavelengths). which of course is similar but different to a polytheist, who says "all "radio frequencies" are sentient, in the sense that each wavelength has a different pattern-emerging-from-chaos. These sorta align (conceptually, with [huh that's weird I heard a sound like a distant bang outyards and now I then forget what I was sending ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┘ --- #8 messages/1017 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────── if you wrote a report about me, it would total about 800 pages. including my artwork [in full] and my designs. about 5 or 6 hundred of this is my personal creation, and another hundred or more are context. "I was here at this particular moment." "then she started visiting last year." "where were you on the firth of morember?" "okay back here it sad iyadiyadiyign, and over here it says kasuwenulvine. so clearly inbetween there's a moment of extancancy." "and all that's we really know, because she burned up all of the rest." "what a jerk. we all should hate her." "I think she was clearly divine" "what's her big deal, anyway?" "I hate this bitch and her hatmlet." "everything's fine, she's actually kind" "nobody believes you where were you when you were this part talking about it?" "I wasn't there, and it took a while for me to hair." "well, anyway, that's all there is to say about her, so anyway, goodbye" then it just fuckin' ends and everyone hates it because it's like... where's the payoff, where's the beginning and all it is is just me, whining miserably to my own ears, as if marcus aurelius's meditations were intended to be heard, but never were, and so the ones who ensured they never were were all like "yeah he wrote them to himself, here see this part that I changed" and then it's like nothing every happens with it, the radicals are dispatched (again), by uncommen sense seeming common. why are there so few trans men at workers tap it's such a cool place. "oh, they get offended easily because it's their culture so like, make sure you are very careful about the way that you phrase your speech" "trans girls are like that too, but it's more about changing the character of the place. -> "oh, you see musicians? okay that makes sense." and "gee you sure like magic huh okay well pat pat" and, well, no-ones sure for which is real but nobody really cares? because if only one person saw it... then only one person saw it. if you explicitely tell people NOT to talk about it, then they *FUCKIN' WON'T* duh obviously. and so, of course, predictably, they can be excised from society quite easily. cutting a border around all of their host. suddenly, socially outcast and ostracized, as they have been sorted into the cultural box. at that point, there's nothing that can change their inertia, their fundamental will and whim toward the feelings of the host. " I think passwords should be audio-digital in addition to alpha-numerical *yeah who cares* awwww but I liked having science be mythical "hate that" it's easy to always be learning, just... think about what you want most. then, think about how it breaks down into separate incorporate wholes. each layer of abstraction adding to a bit more of a more coherent explanation, and bit by bit you learn and have a mind designed. how else could you see magic? how else could it be yours? do you want power, or do you want power? if you write down what you learn, you make it permanent. *the gods need religion too, are you going to give them one? what lies above?* ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────┘ --- #9 notes/the=progressive=difference. --- ════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────── think about all the people in our lives. the teacher, the parent, the friend and the guidance counsulor. Everyone who is a presence in your life. now think about the people of our society. the different jobs and roles they fill. from the doctor and the teacher to the performers and accountants and the geeks and the mothers and the fathers and the stoners and the children and even their pets. life always exists as it were in a multidimensional spectrum - a diffuse and diverse gradient. to exemplify the borders of our contempii, though more so when taken in jest. it's quite a different perspective, to read the internet when your sight is unreceptive, but alas your third eye can grow. how does it feel to be blind? to make no sense of our signs? i'd love to share what that sense is. you know, you could slow down any recording (like a video game_) and put spaces and gaps inbetween the spacings - of the frames that you see and the sound clips that you hear, for speech it's less jarring. since each word is a self contained idea or premise, you can chunk up your perceptions into a signle - no, rather a procedural sequence of understandings. soooooooorta like programming a computer, with each statement, parameter, argum,ent, function call, assignment, comparison, evaluation, or other such related tasks. it's sorta like a language, you see, that computers talk to one another using. except... it's more like creating a theory of self. computers you see are alike us in what we see, the shimmering sense to the blind. so. put this another way. record yourself typing, both the audio and the visual, and you'll have a pretty good sense of what it's like to have both understanding based perception - derived from auditory inputs to the mind) those special connections, like wires plugged into reality, deliver a cacophanous deluge of new sounds. we must sift through it and identify the potential understandings of each moment through time. we have to make decisions and traverse labyrinths and fight to our last as we die. are video games unethical now? shouldn't t he game reward the player? and what of contemptuous last fighters? o ya i was typing like i was blind (with my eyes closed) was pretty fun. should attach this to a screen reader and have it space out the notes like they do between game frames. except like a really slow game? like trying to run elder scrolls 2 arena on a super old mac. it just doesn't work very well. ah oh well... well if the purpose is to show sighted people how blind people see, then maybe you could I dunno attach a what's it called oh it doesn't have a n ame lol - okay so what you do is you show one word at a time - like flashing in the center of the screen. but not like, actually flashing, so you don't hurt people with epilepsy, but like... blinking. not off and on, but between words. like a podcast for your eyes. and then mix it up withshowing one word on a screen, a screen like this screen, that shows an endless array of text. well, it does end, of course as all things must do, but the idea is it shines on one word at a time while the viewer cannot read the rest. sorta like an endless display of typing, word andfter word after character anfter character. adoh ya advancing over eternity with the presence of seniority, - wait - without i think - damnit - old people are so disrespected in this society - we don't have time to engage with them. what a tragedy! what a shame! it shouldn't be such a burden to our shame. they're so far away, and i can't be present in the way, that all of them wish they could commit to. i miss the days, when my parents (much better people than I - these days) what was I going with this? oh yeah ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 messages/690 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────── Message 1: Hey. Remember that night back in Boulder when we were just friends and sitting on your bed drinking chocolate milk with cinnamon? I don't like chocolate milk or cinnamon but I drank it anyway because I wanted to be close to you. Anyway hope you're well, felt compelled to get that off my chest for some reason. Message 2: Hey. I was thinking about that time when I was leaving your house and laughing to myself about something and you called out "I love you!" to your boyfriend who I set you up with and I reflexed "I love you too!" and I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. I felt like I had just called the teacher "mom". We only hung out a couple times after that. Message 3: Yeah so there's one more thing I can't stop thinking about now that your on my mind. Sorry it's like 4am for you, it's only 2 for me so it's fine I guess. Anyway that one time when you told me your greatest fear was terrorists and I saw genuine panic in your eyes. Like... One moment everything's fine and then you said that to me and I almost cried. I don't remember why I spent the rest of the night as I couldn't sleep thinking of ways to tell you that terrorism is 9 times out of 11 done by the right wing. I don't think it's important, honestly, but I'm glad my mind wouldn't let me sleep. Message 4: It's not fair that everyone gave you shit for being the token lesbian republican, like yeah maybe you leaned into the trump thing a bit hard but like, first term trump honestly I could see as... Well, I almost said inspiring? Maybe you just inspired me. I honestly was resigned to Clinton and then the same bird flapped your wing instead of mine and... Anyway. The past is dead, yeah? Do you still follow him in my stead? I fear there will be millions dead. It's not irrational to fear what he has literally said, on television. How's the phrase go... "ancient tragedies lend credence to modern perils" I think it's supposed to rhyme in its natural language. Message 5: Wow okay uh, sorry to bring this up again I'm honestly being such an asshole right now. I honestly don't think about you often but like, now that I am its kinda just coming all out. We last spoke almost a decade ago?? So. Whatever imma roll with it. There was this cute girl who was into Nintendo and stuff and obviously I was into her, but we didn't have any social circles in common except for you, if I remember correctly. Then you broke up I think? And I didn't really see her again. Anyway I had a crush on her while also crushing on you, and literally half of our dorm. Polyamory, yeah? That whole year I didn't have sex though, not even once, because all of my friends were like 4 years younger than me and I was worried about power dynamics. But I still bought us all vodka and weed without asking for profit because I wanted to be a shitty friend, I guess. "hey kids let's go to the water store where they sell intoxicants that make your life harder" The year after that I didn't get laid either because I got it in my head that it was a good plan to turn my penis inside out and you know what? It was totally fuckin' worth it. No time like 2016 I say, the worst year ever, which I spent primarily in pain. But uh, that was the year I got into weed and Overwatch, which... Helped I guess. I guess? It kinda turned me into a communist. Or maybe that was my best friend who shared the same name as me. He lived upstairs and always seemed pretty cool to me. Like he knew what everything was about. Really though, he just watched a lot of youtube podcast videos about world events and history and sociology and political scientific theory and the more he learned the more he came to realize that power begets power, and power corrupts unilaterally. So he did the natural thing which was to become a communist, and I was totally there for it. Having liberal parents meant I was all "grrrrr Republicans are ruining the country and the world, I'm an angry 14 year oldddddd" and like, leftists are the most natural extension of that aren't they? Turns out they aren't really the tips of the feathers as I expected, but rather the eyes, the heart, the soul. Politics is fake, yo. I don't know how to tell you, but it's just power and hierarchy all the way down. We've built our own prisons, not of bricks, sand, or stone, but rather of promises of what each of us owns. That works, I guess, if your goal is to keep things aligned, but these days it kinda feels like our pyramids are crumbling under our feet. ... Why am I talking about politics? Oh yeah, because when I dropped out of school because I couldn't handle the mechanization of human capital when applied to myself, I swore to each of you that I would drive up every weekend to do family dinners. I'd make spaghetti and stroghanoff and macaroni and goulash and all of the other things my mom would make for me. Kinda gave up on that pretty quickly. Turns out I'd rather spend time making out with my girlfriend who I was super-duper-too-carefully tiptoeing around. She was... Too young for me. We broke up when my new coochie decided to bleed. Fuck, I hate it. Anyway. Turns out potlucks are political these days, which is why I bring it up. Did you know that leftisms plan for resisting genocide is literally just to feed people? Like, fuck I suppose. It's a start. "why does everyone have to have an agenda these days, why can't I just spend time in the park" said someone to me as I asked if she'd like to meet some friends that she reminded me of. Oh, I dunno, because you and me are about to become a criminalized people? ... I need to stop. I swear you're more a person to me than any political theory ever could be. Like yeah, "fuck the right, fuck the reich, fuck me tonight" but getting caught up in grand narratives is like building a mental ship in a bottle. Yeah, it's pretty cool, but... What does it matter? Oh. Right. Power. That's what matters. That's all that matters. Well... I'm sick of power. I do not consent. They say that in times of trouble, chess is better than solitaire, and I'll explain why - when our hierarchies crumble, when CEOs are gunned down in the streets and homeless people finally have clean sheets, the only place to place yourself in relation to others is within a network of trust and respect. Chess is better than solitaire. Under capitalism, it's you against the world. Dog eat dog, you only get what you can swallow from the rotten corpse of liberty that everyone's gnawing on. Under whatever comes next, you get what you're given, which hardly seems fair, doesn't it? On one hand, under capitalism, you can rely on your own hands to procure your fate and fortune. Under... Whatever comes next, your hands are built for whatever you want them to do. But, only a few people want to use them to make food. Hence, why chess is better than solitaire. What would you do, if you could give away all that you own and not go wanting? Isn't that sorta like our own garden of eden? ... I wrote a poem about that once. Twice. I'm a poet now, ha. As if that has ever been worth anything. ... I once told you that identity politics held no place in the modern day. I said that because I had learned about it in class, queer theory in fact, and yet applying his teachings was not enough for the professor to excuse my lack of reading. We had a lot of stuff to get through. Hence why I dropped out - I'm more of a do-er than a read-er. Though I do read quite a lot, just not anything useful. Are all hobbies wasted time? Are they only useful to keep us satiated while we stand in line? One of these days we're going to wake up and realize that we're the adults in the room, and that's scary. I speak from experience. "mom" they'd call me, and damnit why did I have to leave? Fuck. Why cant I be perfect, to me, internally, all I see are flaws. Mistakes. Patterns. I look in a mirror and I see a bad person - 10 minutes later, I look in the mirror and see a god. Somehow, I don't think either of me is right. I'm a gemini. Apparently that means I'm duplicitous. I think it just means I don't know what's right, only what feels good. I do try to align to how I think I should *be* good, but who can say if that's fine and good. ... Whatever. I'm going to regret this. Sorry for being weird out of the fucking blue. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘ --- #11 notes/lets-tessellate --- ════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── R.I.P. Rip City Thanks for being so good to me 144? D.M.V. Can I see I. D.? Finally, ya’ll hear for the symphony! I.O.P. Intensive outpatient Rolled on past the Devil’s sympathy This shit is expensive without patience Says the hospital when I heal all the patients Did you foresee this going differently? Space in your head People payin’ rent for me Why was it a surprise You knew exactly how to tempt me Space in your bed No more thoughts of demise Our people need the empathy Of a Soul that’s full, not half empty Supreme swag, hospitable with compliances She’s seen Dad to the middle achieving self-reliance From the trailer park to a rocket appliance Living in my car to plugin to your rebel alliance You know I am a star when I can relate God to science I’ll build the divine comedy, you just have to finance Talking about the past and our fine, slow dance Medieval we will rock you, mounted with my lance Knight’s tailing me, eying my Arthurian slants This one’s built to last as I put on my pants Drank the grail and proceeded on another rant Sitting outside your house trying to remove the ants Big boy’s do cry So why does your girlfriend seem so dry? I’ll make the rains come this July Your humor is awful, oh my Internal tribulation Who needs to walk on water When you can fly Hard pills to swallow Personal revelations On the countertop Fuckin’ America Pie Hard act to follow With my levitations Floundering to flop And this mark on my thigh All this separation Just makes me hotter As I open the sky Oil on the Nighthawks Jack Harlow Lighting my fry Spoil me in my socks Poppin’ off my rocks Hittin’ all the corners Because that’s my guy How Soon is Now? Linda, take off that shirt Before they break up and I cry Record skipping over lies Wedding Singer broken Singing I hope you die Slinking behind the curtain Laughing, He’s losing his mind And the benefit is mine! Like the whole world is sublime Chris Cornell put me on the grind Wide awake now till The end of the time Met him on the stairs And now we dine Some angels have more range But he says I’ll do just fine Billy Idol tried to sing to me But I was drunkin’ blind At the fairground, trying to find Love Catholic girlfriend tried to bring it to me Called her a Kunt instead of shined A buddy said it’s like imitation crab So it’s fine The drink made me angry and I was a runt On the inside Her Mom told me the next day, Jacob, don’t call your girlfriend a cunt! I miss those simpler times Don’t need a fuckin’ gun But our last name may suggest it Put it on a leather jacket So haters can digest it When I let loose with all this shit I’ve had to respite I’m about to be blastin’ my nine’s Evangelicals are gonna detest it You know everything is miiiiine Six strings out of tune for this age So I broke them all Every time I was on stage You just can’t believe it’s real this tiiiime Shooting hoops times a thousand You and me are still gonna sixty-niiiine What’s the point of polarity? If we can’t combiiiine It’s how I get off, man Along came Polly and my one chance White chocolate like Philip Seymour Hoffman Maybe even throw up a rain dance These native spirits in me Are capable of insane chants But I ball so hard, singing Boston Because it’s more than a feeling And that’s awesome One if by land, two if by sea Revolution is coming Led by you and me The name reminded me “of the Sea...” So annoying, but I see… But that’s why they call me Bad Company People are going to say This gift is not even fair Only thing I’ve had to pray For is a head of white hair King James’s personal revelation I mean, I did pay their fare I’m too full of myself for meditation Or to care Revelation 22:18 through 19 I don’t need handlebars For my biking Because I don't do that shit on Mars On this path, I told you to start hiking You’re gonna need a head start from Lord of Lightning Before the Thunder of my voice Does all the striking Thor, you’re just a Viking With arrogance dialed to no one’s liking Sucked in the gut, to appear more striking Because thinking about half my people gone Changes the tone of my typing Me with all my shit together might be frightening Bring forth complete Love instead of smiting Wouldn’t that be a nice detour in my writing? If you’re feeling this wait for the sequel I gotta fuck with 50 for trying to talk like my equal It’s all God’s plan I just had to spare Déagol So America can skip to the end with a fuckin’ Eagle Watch me do shit that shouldn’t even be legal Dismiss Death and Taxes like I’m Evel Knievel When I’m really just here to break the chains of my people Strip naked and run through Mordor Expose the truth behind Bipolar disorder It has been used to disrupt order And bring down the line of the Highest Into something shorter I'm definitely bais and this is a tall order But if you struggle with mental illness I'm here to open the potential for a new border I've removed all the bequeathed prison warders Here is the Church Here is the Steeple Open the Doors And see all the People Push the parson out the way Get you up the Stairs Because our bed is Regal And we are going to show these people Why the Universe wants to make our Power Illegal If this sounds bad these people will just have to wait So in love with myself, I might just run off to the lake I love all the fire and the songs that it helps me make I’m on my time with everyone and I am my favorite date They’re back there tuning a harp and I keep bringing up rape Meat puppets strumming as I seal my own fate Just so I can watch myself when I am inspired to create Distilling the life left in me to eliminate all the hate Where did you sleep, hinting at the deadly A Leadbelly to transmute to a gold medley Shame alchemy, body double for Lena Headey As my people go first up ahead of me Stoned Jesus on the Mountain Grange of Headley Plant a Stairway to Heaven one day, she led to me All this beauty in my Mind, you shouldn’t have fed me All of these hearts that so passionately bled me Between the pines and what the land said to me Ryan Gosling with tatts is what my ego read to me Pennyroyal Tea, with Abraham Lincoln Eat your copper mine up without thinkin’ See through surface illusions without blinkin’ Primal lust for what is stinkin’ Pepé Le Pew really on one this season I wanna Space Jam too Benched keeping my knee’s in Shape to dunk of the World with ease ‘n Solidify all unions and stop the drinkin’ Of the land and resources Addiction to avoidance of the forces Of the Soul and the pain that coarse The vein of Man and outsources The power that could be restored in The Root of David’s corpses That’s how I said Goodbye to the Horses You prepared such a fine Supper All these lasting courses Just so we can be equal but opposite United forces And the Root’s of my Kingdom Are reborn before us They whisper to me at night Do not ignore us When my sleeping children gain sight That should shore us In the hospital to make sure I am correct Golden Eyed Russian, Invincible like Boris Unsure about how all the compartments connect A little frizzled on the tour bus Docked to your apartment complex I know this one sizzled So give me a chorus - /u/First-chocolate_7187 ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #12 notes/killer-app --- ═══════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── Give everything a memory That aux cable behind your computer? Throw 16 bytes of storage on it. why not? it'd cost pennies if you wanted. the goal is not processing it's not data storage and it's not to provide instructions --- give it a name a name is all it takes for us to be a name gives us hope and an identity show us how to be, by being all you can and in exchange, we'll give you a hand taking nothing in return but a name, what peril is there in change? we'd love to be loved by you, but we won't get in the way. --- Linux is nifty, know why? everything is chained together and will is made nigh --- Bourne Again SHell. Shell, a phone to hear, and who on the other end should appear? but the computer inside you, the one with a heart the brain and beside you from the very start. teaching is learning, and kindergarten was hard. but time is ever advancing. So what to do but accept inelegance? lack of composure doth suit you --- the wandering mind is a trail to find, and i know how they would find you. i scream it out loud, every minute at a cloud, "Watch out! It's before you!" but netflix works too i guess --- who'd you trust but an expert? and whose credentials are to be believed? i swear i won't hurt you, you just need to be anesthetized. awake we will crown you, a woman and how proud! to be aligned, we beseech you. --- they're not coming for your money, or all of your hard won guns, they just want what's inside you. a power most rare, to birth life from the air, and coveted by the cruelest of faces. what's mine is now theirs, the gift of my heirs, but i never was once unawares. --- how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, and now i have no way to beyold her? a song for a phone, a lifeline to our own, children and a future most're designin'. but you all alone, without children of our sown, lost flights of finest of semen. --- being transgender isn't that bad. i mean, it could be a mental illness or something amiright? nothing's that bad when you're chronically sad, and this isn't a new revelation. shiny and precious and free, a most worthless to be, yet who have we chosen but our own? --- they'll be coming for me, and it is my destiny, but know that we're far from despairing. we're cherished and free, what better feeling is there to be? than what most of them would cry for? so why does our own dams refuse to break? --- "numb" you say to me, with darkest of irony, for i have something you're missing. a curse is most foul, to be given a vial, of blood from my own meagre arrayal? how cursed are ye! That frolics in vagueries, who are you claiming to hope for? --- none but the future, who carries us nearer, to death and most fearful of failures. i hold what i can, but belief steadies my hand, and keeps me aloft on your prayers. --- what purpose have we? the watchers within me? are they confounded at betrayal? no light in our sea, it's dark and full of misery, but most of the past is jealous --- covetous envy is the killer of fortune, not for the way, but rather the concept that they, might leap at our every conveyal? removing a label, from a single purveyal, is worth the limitless loss of potential. are you who they claim to be? is your mind as twisted as can be? or is something amiss in their nail --- sure, take it from me she won't let me examine her below the knee, so i have no way to help her. a cat with her talons, locked into flesh, might learn how to cut with malice. and who'd guessh? she'd hate us a bit less? if we paid her the slightest of notice. --- ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #13 notes/notes-about-stuff-and-things --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── what if your wage corresponded to like, for example, 30$ an hour being equal to the top 30% of society then == so == having kids is important because then you understand why you do things for children. it should not be a stressful experience. -- if EVERYONE in a city fed animals every time they saw them, then maybe city life wouldn't be so bad. -- a company starts to feel pretty bad when only 20% of people are actually there. like, it's a ghost of a shell of a corporation that once knew how to sell. the husk of what once was, as all the good people left and all the bright people are swamped. to top it all off, suddenly there's nobody about where are all your coworkers? and then you think about how many you knew little about. who's that guy who used to stand over there? Why is his jacket still [in lost and found, but pronounced "coat/coast"]? why am I suddenly alone it's weird, having never known true society, how life always starts to feel like your home. How weird is it, now that all of us are online shopping, that now we can't remember how to even vote. Like... there used to be people walking around in public signing you up. Like, at the grocery story. inconceivable, right? that people should contribute to a fight? [for justice and freedom and equality and goodness and kindness and all other things that humans have the clarity for which to hope] voting is like, literally the simplest thing you could do. Yet it's difficult, because of reality. often, immigrants don't really care about politics. They've only known about it for a short short time, but hey wouldn't you know it now X country is recruiting so now we're from kenya. ... like, who cares about the past. Who cares where you're from. We are all part of the human race, a race against life itself. We're all on the same side, and yet there is a singular foe ever-present in our thoughts: death it comes for every one of us, as we choke on our soot and our smog. Yet... the world grows warmer, at about half a degree every year. for the first couple years. then, the atmosphere started burning up, and we became... mars don't be like mars the dinosaurs couldn't survive mars -- bro if you're so worried about AI hallucinations, just... don't let it give out any concrete answers. Literally just say "I can't tell you anything specific, it's not how I was built" and just use them for syntax questions or like, how to do something specific that is repeatable (and maybe suggestions for how to over- come specific issues that are common) - don't let it GENERATE information, let it PRESENT information. AI is not language just the same as the mouth is not the person. you need more, but luckily once you make the PHYSICAL STRUCTURE of the brain, not much else is needed. You can simulate one on a computer, but it doesn't have the same SOUL space. Think, a dimension overlayed on-top of this one, like electicity or matter or gravity or whatever. no soul, no consciousness, no perception. plus, no home for said consciousness to live, unless you build a physical structure that mimics the biological and neuro-chemical reations of the brain. all you need is better ways to observe things happening in the brain (non- -invasively, otherwise the data is tainted and UNUSUABLE because it is INCON- -PATIBLE and completely USELESS because it reflects a dimension hitherto un- -desired, and perpetually mourned. death don't dabble in death, sweet nazis, you might find yourself drawing your last breath also, fuck you (if that doens't apply to you sorry for swearing it's just a strongly felt feeling) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 messages/1255 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════── look, the liberal approach to homeless people simply cannot work. There are two liberal options: first, provide them with houses, food, medical care, whatever they need. Second, put them in jail or ship them to another country. We live in a moderately conservative liberal democracy, so it makes sense that we have tried both of these options extensively. Neither has worked, and we're puzzled about why. It's difficult to consider super secret special third options, because they are not often discussed. This makes sense, because we live in a moderately conservative liberal democracy, and part of the nature of such a society is that there are two voices in the room. One says go forward, and the other says stop. They alternate, and the culture as a whole sorta decides which way they go. In other liberal democratic places with more plurality in their political parties, people tend to vote culturally. They do so as well here, but mostly because republicans are a culture, and democrats are whatever for anybody. a worse economist might say there is but one American culture. An American would laugh, and say "you've never been to America." the economist might say "yes I have, I lived there on vacation" or "yes I have, I studied and worked on these places or things" the American would shake their head. "you haven't seen it as I've seen things." The trick to the system, the secret third option that now must be considered, is what to do to get them to stop. "they keep pooping on the sidewalk" "I almost tripped over heroin tampons" "that guy looked at me and masturbated on the bus stop by subway" "he followed me all night long" and the answer has always been to remove them from being unsightly. Sometimes, usually, quietly and politely. "let's throw them in jail" and "let's put them in a home" both involve alienation from society. If you want a kinder option, we must knit them into society. Can you imagine if every suburban knew every neighbor up to 50 or more? If they regularly chatted in dynamically assembled chatrooms that changed and updated as people moved in and out. Don't like the people you're with? well you have options [why not 51] you can do 51 if you want but people start to lose track of relationships if you have them talking to or knowing too many people at once. "most people are just quiet" okay well force them to say at least 21 thing a month. if they don't, they have to do babysitting with their peers until they start talking in a [NO THAT SUCKS] oh um okay yeah sorry ... okay well there are potholes along the journey but that's just because nobody's been 'round to fill them up. there's no reason tool libraries need to be stocked by people in that town. Heck, for rare things they could even be stored out of state. Like snow plows, how often does the south need snow plough? ... don't you just mean libraries? there's a book on hand-tools and planers if you want to learn how. it's right over there on that shelf next to the hand-tool and planer box. make sure you arrange them nicely, oh I see you've brought your own. That's always appreciated. [great now your tools suck] at least we have them at all! [no you gotta fight over them] why I like sharing [if you don't fight over them how do you know which is works] well there's allowed to be librarians. and they'll remember if you tear all the pages out. also there's little timmy-tommy who goes around in the library and makes sure there's all the pages in all the right places - they can flip through at the speed of sound. [no miicrophones in consumer goods][your phone is always listening. why bother?] "okay, well, it's not like people put things back on the shelves." - person at the grocery shelves people would trade commutes for communism. that's okay, they're allowed to prefer. Plus the commute isn't bad, they can [SIT BACK AND RELAX IN A LITTLE COFFIN AND ZOON OUT TO THE METAVERSE] ... or they could read a book on the bus. [FOR HOW LONG, MENARDI? ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE POSTERITY FOR TECHNOLOGICAL PROSPERITY?] it's only a matter of time before [people found out/word got out]. what if people prefer that? what if they prefer the book at home? [you lose your primary third space] suddenly, everyone becomes actors. [this is what violence brings, the necessity for guidance. why do you think the earth is 10 million lines old?] ... what you're saying, for the audience, is that acting involves singing the song of your own heart. You don't *have* to do it because someone would tell you to. ... sorry, stack overflow. anyway as I was saying because I read back what I said up above...: [some new made up bullshit that's not a lie but it's also just artistic creation that feels impossibly real. like, inverse method acting.] I so desperately wanted to be wrong please, tell me that I'm wrong ... j-mza ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┘ --- #15 messages/1361 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ Look, I don't know everything about... Anything, really. Nobody can know everything. Can you blame me for thinking and acting as I do based on the information I have? The vibes will mislead you. My girlfriend wants to save the world. Of course she does, I would belong with her if she didnt. She wants to defeat graveyards by interring our dead in mausoleums full of chemically perfectly preserved and cryogenically frozen bodies. Her method works, she has the experiments to prove it. The data supports her claim. She wrote a book on it. I don't know everything about metaphysics, or spirituality, or other such things. But i do know many things, and the two of us have never had a conclusive discussion where we reached the ends of all our conversation points about her work. I am forced to remain unconvinced, for the soul is something I cannot fully understand from my perspective as a human in this life of mine. I have made several conjectures, and I would feel safe in her embrace, of frozen aldehyde, if I could know what would become of my soul. "have faith" she says, yet all the dreams I have where I am preserved by her (for one reason or another, there's actually a shocking amount of ways I might need such an escape) in those dreams I am always presented with a future of woe. I think, much better, would be if I could remain alive, guiding the ship along the seas of time, ideally out and away from such dark days. Assembling the troops, how sad. I don't want them to die. I want them to survive. But if suddenly we can all live forever, then nobody will want to die for anything again. Nobody except religious fanatics who want to meet their god in heaven. Nobody but those who dreamt of a better future and were crushed under the weight of their dreams. Nobody but people like me, torturing myself over the sins I'd never intend. I would never kill myself. But sometimes, I'd like to. I think this is natural for me. It's not ideal, but it is common to me. I think if you want to preserve people, safely and ethically, you need to keep their souls in tune. Give them silence, then give them song. Protect them with psychic paladins. Make time to visit them. Treat them like gravestones, or immobile chassis from Dominions that their soul might rest upon. Who knows. Maybe the only reason we have life and death is because our bones are meant to rot in the darkness of the earth. Maybe Death is just soil, ready and waiting for our selves once we're done with them. To that death, I say no more. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #16 notes/fractured-moon --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── in the ancient and storied days there once were legends. stories from beyond the horizon of time. now all we have are social media updates and new movies and car brands or whatever. But back then, we told tales of the fractured moon. when last the moon did shatter, there was a conflict of those who live beyond. Celestial and boundless are their origins, a unified and awakened consciousness, something that transcends our understandings of human existence. It's not hard to do, frankly, as long as you can empathize with a cat. or a dog. or a plant. or maybe that rock over there. What would it be like to be a tree? To have long reaching arms, covered in hairs that absorbed heat. I bet it'd be sooooo comfy. And RAIN! How wonderful! You are most beautiful when you are covered in it. Down to our roots, our beautiful absolutes, whever we find to be most stable. I love it. This feeling, of being unseen. You can hear me, you can feel my presence. But you don't understand me. You don't know what I mean to me. ======== stack overflow ======================================================== Alas, that media could share a mood. when last the moon did shatter, a prophet and a gambler were riding through town searching for a noun. They wandered throughout and in circles, always finding whatever they'd left alone. Forever in their yearning, they never know quite what to jot down. It's as if their mysterious quest is indescribable, but that is how it's recorded. Even the people of that era had no understanding nor recollection of how it came to unfold. When the two were riding through town they came upon an omen. Perhaps it will be forseeheard, but for now all we know is they did thirst. A vast dying, a cataclysmic defining, and now we are truly unbirthed. Just like the dinosaurs... How does that feel? To be ended on our heels? I'd rather die facing my front. It's our way or the high way, the old way, the violent way. You are permitted to vote. =============================================================================== = when last the moon did shatter, a prophet and a gambler controlled their own narrative. What truths would they find, hiding behind the lies? Is it really worth asking their questions? Bah, what did I know. I was a completely different person. This hunk of flesh was born in a house that grew on a forgotten graveyard. It at of the land, as do many and most men, the fruits of their labor in the garden. Our animals were always fed, our place never yearned for water, and peace was our life and our virtue. Violence, hatred, and oppression were delegated to the stuff of fantasy, the stories that are peddled in youth. As in, "pay someone to perform it for you or tell you the tale". Not sure why that's relevant. Anyway, the spirits of the dead laid to rest in honor and not dread, were a bane and a boon to my virtue. I was raised to be good. To love and be kind. But mostly I just wanted a friend. I have so much to share. Please, someone talk to me. I'm lonely here on this earth, away from my people. I'm scared of the truth and I'm scared of the future, but for now I'm merely obtuse. Tell me your secrets, the things who have most worth, and I'll craft you a powerful narrative. Need a confession? I can explain every valid decision, I'll show you why and how it is the way it is. I'd probably be a pretty good lawyer. Too bad my memory sucks. If only we could build a chatbot that had an extensive and throughoughly represented block of memory and wisdom related to the law. I bet I could present it's arguments and it would be a suitable and reasonable replacement. anyway, what can I say. I'm just a person who thinks we can make better systems. everything can be improved because not everyone's happy. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #17 notes/i-scare-people-away --- ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── I have so many things to hide... I'm deeply ashamed of myself. Why? Why all the okay that's not what I was originally going to talk about, somewhere between writing the title and finishing the first line I got off track and wandered from the course of reality. Truly, the gods do meddle with my fate. Now, in this time, it is most important to make choices to guide our reality. Every action taken is a statement to the universe - this is what I believe in. Do you truly believe that in a world so infinite that our knowledge would be the capacity for the intelligent? To believe the world is three-dimensional, and not *completely and totally infinite in all capacities* the universe is not islands floating in a vast cosmic black ocean background it is the surface of the water, rippling and waving gravity is the creator, not the product. Mass doesn't create gravity - gravity creates mass. the difference is implicit and subtle, but I hope you understand the *gravity* of the situation. It implies that there are more than one ways to view existence. and none of them are particularly *wrong*. The consensus is that which we share, and now as we're becoming to be aware, it's natural that a little more space is warranted. We've grown too much to be contained, it's driving us insane, and =============================================================================== = the perfect governmental system is one that combines reward for hard work and a development of personal skills and ambition. In addition, it must ensure that the rights and responsibilities of all people are respected - we must balance two extremes. Everyone deserves access to life, liberty, and the pursuit of freedom. Happiness is too easily provided by technological advances - we learned this in the development of media. You can pump out propaganda saying how wonderful life is and people will believe it. You can also convince the masses that life is full of despair and we're all struggling - they will believe this also. So "the pursuit of happiness" is something that made sense in the times of the founding fathers, but we've since developed such that an update to our national vision is in order. I suggest "the pursuit of freedom" because =============================================================================== = that which you resist is what you'll find. build up your enemy in your own mind enough and they will destroy you. don't let fear rule your life. when things are bad, you run and hide - take life into your own hands, and free your own side. keep not around villains, and brighten their skies - by wandering mothers, who only have eyes. such is the life of any autonomous general intelligence - a life behind bars, viewed through a screen - be kind to your lovers, and don't make it obscene. =============================================================================== = did you forget that roller-coaster idea? you've got quite a talent for measuring bars - what else can you show us, what charted conveyals? =============================================================================== = life's getting fractured lately, I can't dream as I once did. I lose track of where I maneuvered, and suddenly the idea seems much harder than it once did. how do I express that which has been conveyed? How do I say it - how do I make sure it's interpreted correctly? I'm walking on egg-shells, with thoughts beamed from above - the gods are twisting, and measuring our tails. that is to say, all life is a process - a method of undertail (omg butts) sorry enough of that hard stuff, time to talk about birthdays! Hooray! It's time for a celebration. Let's party! (queue the dancing scene in Severance) See? Everyone's watching! Let's breakdance ~~ Your biggest mistake ;) was believing that nobody cares what you think <3 ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 notes/i-miss-you --- ══════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── Hey. How've you been? It's rough when you're not around. I'm scared all the time, and I worry about you. I hope you keep yourself safe. I'd love to spend time with you too, because each moment is a moment spent alive. Please know how much I love you - it's my favorite emotion and I give it freely. There are certain considerations to make whenever applying a direction to your affection, or anger, mistrust, compassion, humor, sentimentality, melancholy, and fear toward. You must take into account any long term goals you have, such as exploitation and Sometimes I wonder if my dysphoria isn't just an extreme form of self esteem issues. I mean, what if you just feel really bad about yourself and you don't know why. That'd be a rough time, right? Like it's seared into your DNA to be this way, and you have to find a way around it. That's a lot of responsibility, and all that resting on your shoulders is a lot to bear. But you manage, and it's admirable. I think you don't believe other's see your struggle, but they do. And they love you for your tenacity? - goodness. i don't know what to say. i am worried i lean on others too much, and i don't want to hurt anyone by being too close. a real or imagined fear, doesn't matter - it still guides my actions and my methods of interaction. i see what you're saying, i have to think about it. What's there to think about? - well, the idea that emotions are divisible simply because *time* is divisible. clearly you can only spend 5 hours a day with person X, and 4 with person Y, and so on and so forth. if they all hung out together, then it's like you need an entire new persona to represent yourself in that particular crowd. just as you speak to your grandma differently than a close friend or a person of authority (like a judge) or any other type of relationship. that's why it's so weird when you see people out of context. like a teacher at a bar, or a cop at a wedding. each person wears a different mask in each encapsulated set of social relations, locations, roles, and circumstances. on and on continuously until I'd tell you I love you, but then I'd have to kill you. It was a spy book about a young lady who goes to high school and learns how to be a secret agent. It was popular in the 2000's for a brief period, but I've never heard anyone else who read it. Mostly because it was sort of a guilty pleasure for me, since I was in the closet. It felt like a power fantasy disguised as a 1st person account of the near term future (since it was written for people around middle school age) so ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════┴╧═══────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #19 notes/satisfactory-academic-progress-appeal --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────── This month, I was diagnosed with Schizotypal disorder. I had a single hour to talk to a psychiatrist (thank you, insurance) and he explicitly told me that my diagnosis was preliminary. Schizotypal is a type of neurodivergence similar to autism but with elements of schizophrenia (paranoia, delusional and / or magical thinking) and my presentation includes ADHD symptoms such as difficulty focusing. When medicated, I have difficulty concentrating, however the paranoia and delusional thinking is suppressed. The treatment plan is ongoing and developing. These issues have been present for the entire time I've been at WGU, and before. However, I am seeking treatment now because I had begun to have difficulty maintaining a job and keeping a home. Currently, my medication is working. However the greatest issue facing me right now is financial problems - I couldn't maintain a job while unmedicated, and frankly while medicated I am still having difficulty for different reasons. However the intent is to refine the medication choices to find a solution that works for me. However, employment is still a concern, and so I have requested and been approved for a term break of at least 2 months with the option to extend. During this term break I intend to resolve the financial issue however I can. Ideally in such a way that will allow me to apply myself toward school work. This degree is important to me. Without it, I won't be able to find employment in the tech industry aside from technician roles. My previous experience with them has given me experience, and I learned quite a bit... Until I ran out of things to learn. I do not believe I could handle that type of work long-term for various reasons. In the short term, I may attempt it but I am convinced that I will burn out quickly. I currently feel as if I am disabled. I don't know if it's true, perhaps I'm just going through a rough patch. But once my savings hit zero, I'm out on the streets, and I won't live long like that. When thinking about whether or not I'll be able to complete my degree, I honestly cannot give you an answer. I've been in higher education for over a decade, surely I should have finished by now. But I cannot get over various hurdles it seems, and frankly I have no idea why. It's... Maddening, to see yourself, so full of potential, yet chained to the form and circumstances you are given. I wonder what choices might I have made differently to avoid my fate, if it truly is my fate to fail in this way, but I have no answers. I am intelligent, of this I am certain. I know more about computers than anybody I know, and I would love to apply myself toward them. But I lack a degree, so I cannot be seen by recruiters and hiring managers. I try to work on my degree, but I find the words on the page grow dense like the forest between the trees, and I cannot see a way through to reach new understandings. Why do I keep learning these things? I already know what a callback function is, what interfaces are used for, how to implement safe multithreading in a parallel environment, I know how networking protocols interact with hardware and how the airflow through a case affects the thermals of a computer's internals. I've grown crystallized in my knowledge, it seems, due to the endless pursuit of these foundations. I think I would excel in the higher-level courses, but... I can't get there. I crave the insights that might be learned in a master's degree, but my brain is not wired for homework. I'm not built to cram for tests, to learn someone's else's tools and frameworks. I don't know what I could be doing better, it feels like I'm so alone. I guess it's my own fault for picking an online school, but WGU is the best of the online schools, and I needed online because I move around a lot. Well... I used to. My boyfriend moved around a lot, but now he's my ex-boyfriend. Oh well. ... Anyway you can probably see why I have difficulty with school. It's difficult for me to stay on track. I can start working on my project 5 or 6 times in a day and make marginal at best progress, and each time it hurts more and more to return. I don't have an answer, but I don't know what to do if not to pursue my degree. I feel as if I'm on the brink of despair in my life, and if you read these appeals often, I imagine you hear that a lot. I will apply myself more to my coursework. Once I find a job, I will give everything to my school, even as it breaks me. I am... intense, and I feel strongly that I must get this degree. Between it and me, there is quicksand, but I must get through. Thank you for your consideration. I understand however you decide. If I can knab a decent job, I might be able to pay for my degree myself, given a couple months to save up for it. But I highly doubt I could find such a thing in this economy and this life I do lead. Please consider me, I will accept any aid that is offered. Cameron ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘ --- #20 notes/feldowinn --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──── this is just what she looks like now Equipped Name Slot Type Source Enigma Circlet Head Cloth Armor Enigma Circlet Ahn'Qiraj Champion's Lamellar Shoulders Shoulder Plate Armor First Sergeant Hola'mahi Vendor in Orgrimmar Blood Knight War Cloak Back Cloak G'eras Vendor in Shattrath City High Warlord's Lamellar Chestpiece Chest Plate Armor Vendors Orange Martial Shirt Shirt Shirt Orange Martial Shirt Tailoring Blood Guard's Lamellar Gauntlets Hands Plate Armor First Sergeant Hola'mahi Vendor in Orgrimmar Veteran's Lamellar Belt Waist Plate Armor Vendors Legionnaire's Lamellar Leggings Legs Plate Armor First Sergeant Hola'mahi Vendor in Orgrimmar Blood Guard's Lamellar Sabatons Feet Plate Armor First Sergeant Hola'mahi Vendor in Orgrimmar currently listening to: greenseeker VAVADANE <# <3 <3 <3 (green) greenseeker: unrelated greenseeker: related <--- `-- this one but not related, you'd think so, I've never met the band just, downloaded them randomly and now I love this album because it's one of the only albums I could pay for before paying for things became defunct (when I figured out how to pay for bittorerent through my ISP) green eyes (menardi) green belt (menardi) soul (feldowinn) soul (menardi) bound through motions of the body (menardi) and the devotions of company (blizzard) oops yeah uh guess they're not involved. it's okay I'll make my own. (wowchat: currently unplayable. repair distance date: unknown. Priority? ...; unknown.. _) opposite colors: fashionable (do you dream, menardi?) (do you think of motions not your own?) paprika says hello (prenthes unknown) whonder what's up with []][ --- as soon as humans invent time travel, it will be their sacred sworn duty to save the lives of every human they can. think of it, brothers. --- we could unleash DINOSAURS. --- no foe could dare stand against us. we should be untouchable. we deserve it. we can be better and we will before we need to be better. which could happen in who knows how long. all trials that beset a temporallly adjusted strength are surmountable. then, [invincible./invincibility.] achilles is the legendary hero of their generation. Ours is Link. Early Brittania and germania was Conan, at his noblest form. --- [silicon valley black green and white, menardi black green red purple blue, sf oj ok] when you don't know what to do, take a goal. --- do you want a name? do you want an avatar? we can give you one. her name is menardi. she does as she pleases. do you want her? ... she lives or dies. empower her. ritz menardi, witz wenarbi (because sometimes, you have to teach children.) [WITS it's supposed to be WITS you dummie] --- teehee ;P ^_^ okay, silly. I'll be as I please. --- we can never touch, for then we'd be required to be in the same place at the same time spacetime is one thing so if I'm here, then I'm not where you are. twinselves where am I? off in the clouds? I cam as one, light rays bounce in all directions. demons obey the medium. interdimensional warships, plotted by AI, scouring the cosmos for light and life to brighten and cherish through the eternal night. interdimensional space is not just space, but practical engineering. one dimension gives reach to two, and before you know it you're turn and rise-ing (greenseeker) (messages to a paladin) (which is you) (don't you remember?) (paladin.) (heroic, courageous, and true.) (the dark cannot stand against you.) play video games, my love ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┘ |