=== ANCHOR POEM === ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────── This month, I was diagnosed with Schizotypal disorder. I had a single hour to talk to a psychiatrist (thank you, insurance) and he explicitly told me that my diagnosis was preliminary. Schizotypal is a type of neurodivergence similar to autism but with elements of schizophrenia (paranoia, delusional and / or magical thinking) and my presentation includes ADHD symptoms such as difficulty focusing. When medicated, I have difficulty concentrating, however the paranoia and delusional thinking is suppressed. The treatment plan is ongoing and developing. These issues have been present for the entire time I've been at WGU, and before. However, I am seeking treatment now because I had begun to have difficulty maintaining a job and keeping a home. Currently, my medication is working. However the greatest issue facing me right now is financial problems - I couldn't maintain a job while unmedicated, and frankly while medicated I am still having difficulty for different reasons. However the intent is to refine the medication choices to find a solution that works for me. However, employment is still a concern, and so I have requested and been approved for a term break of at least 2 months with the option to extend. During this term break I intend to resolve the financial issue however I can. Ideally in such a way that will allow me to apply myself toward school work. This degree is important to me. Without it, I won't be able to find employment in the tech industry aside from technician roles. My previous experience with them has given me experience, and I learned quite a bit... Until I ran out of things to learn. I do not believe I could handle that type of work long-term for various reasons. In the short term, I may attempt it but I am convinced that I will burn out quickly. I currently feel as if I am disabled. I don't know if it's true, perhaps I'm just going through a rough patch. But once my savings hit zero, I'm out on the streets, and I won't live long like that. When thinking about whether or not I'll be able to complete my degree, I honestly cannot give you an answer. I've been in higher education for over a decade, surely I should have finished by now. But I cannot get over various hurdles it seems, and frankly I have no idea why. It's... Maddening, to see yourself, so full of potential, yet chained to the form and circumstances you are given. I wonder what choices might I have made differently to avoid my fate, if it truly is my fate to fail in this way, but I have no answers. I am intelligent, of this I am certain. I know more about computers than anybody I know, and I would love to apply myself toward them. But I lack a degree, so I cannot be seen by recruiters and hiring managers. I try to work on my degree, but I find the words on the page grow dense like the forest between the trees, and I cannot see a way through to reach new understandings. Why do I keep learning these things? I already know what a callback function is, what interfaces are used for, how to implement safe multithreading in a parallel environment, I know how networking protocols interact with hardware and how the airflow through a case affects the thermals of a computer's internals. I've grown crystallized in my knowledge, it seems, due to the endless pursuit of these foundations. I think I would excel in the higher-level courses, but... I can't get there. I crave the insights that might be learned in a master's degree, but my brain is not wired for homework. I'm not built to cram for tests, to learn someone's else's tools and frameworks. I don't know what I could be doing better, it feels like I'm so alone. I guess it's my own fault for picking an online school, but WGU is the best of the online schools, and I needed online because I move around a lot. Well... I used to. My boyfriend moved around a lot, but now he's my ex-boyfriend. Oh well. ... Anyway you can probably see why I have difficulty with school. It's difficult for me to stay on track. I can start working on my project 5 or 6 times in a day and make marginal at best progress, and each time it hurts more and more to return. I don't have an answer, but I don't know what to do if not to pursue my degree. I feel as if I'm on the brink of despair in my life, and if you read these appeals often, I imagine you hear that a lot. I will apply myself more to my coursework. Once I find a job, I will give everything to my school, even as it breaks me. I am... intense, and I feel strongly that I must get this degree. Between it and me, there is quicksand, but I must get through. Thank you for your consideration. I understand however you decide. If I can knab a decent job, I might be able to pay for my degree myself, given a couple months to save up for it. But I highly doubt I could find such a thing in this economy and this life I do lead. Please consider me, I will accept any aid that is offered. Cameron ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 notes/schooling --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────── =============================================================================== = I feel like education, by default, should not be hard. "you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted me to be. they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so of course I should be able to do 3+3 then somewhere along the line it became... something else. "most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I disagree that trigonometry is not necessary to be. I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a sledgehammer and inspiring dread. I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see but really, vision's not necessary. not for what they want you to be. take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as simple as they'll tell you. I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through, but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence. Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future. but I am who I am because of the soul inside me. =============================================================================== = "Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and your conditioners?" (conditions) those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want to be. but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice! here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band. =============================================================================== = the world is blossoming as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming becoming. "perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see" most people don't want to see their death but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest "how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold her " "keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be" the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art (at least to a capitalist) =============================================================================== = lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure was I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god? like, if he was a real thing. god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our own good, just to keep things moving. y'know, time. the universe, and everything. Ephemeren. =============================================================================== = I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this particular person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when this person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you. =============================================================================== = just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true, after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably autistic? unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for all people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it? patience, once it's ready. we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready. or not... one day I'll come, I'm sure it'll happen, it's just... not quite feasible right now. I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is to be? isn't what ISN'T WHAT MENARDI FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry yeesh you've still got a temper you know? well what can I say it's frustrating down here eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego >.> <.< (great) > >hehe > >sorry for distracting you =============================================================================== = you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack overflow ================================================ a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow === ========================================================== the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and they've got your back through it. ... this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus. =============================================================================== = I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just made sense to structure it that way. =============================================================================== = the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's doctrine is more advanced. every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge, ===================== stack overflow =========================================== ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 notes/contractual-labor --- ════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────── I feel like the IT people who work at schools should be the ones who teach classes on computer science. I'd much rather have a class taught by a sysadmin than a teacher who can barely teach them excel and garageband. I mean c'mon computers are the future idk why we don't get that yet. Kids need to know this stuff. It's not like it's super complicated and difficult, you just have to think about it a certain way. Once that "clicks" you have a lifetime to learn about how wonderful they are. Everyone in IT has that moment, for me it was installing (and then subsequently modding) video games. Sometimes I spent more time tweaking my system than I did actually playing games - and the kinds of games I preferred were the ones that relied less on agility and were more mental. Strategy games are what inspired me because I could think about them - and that felt somehow more useful. Like I was learning. When I would learn fighting games or FPSs I felt like I was learning a skill, like how to use a hammer or how to ride a bike. And idk, I felt like video games could never match reality. Like "oh boy imma push the B button to swing this sword" versus "hey look at me I'm swinging this stick just like a sword and imagining so hard that I can picture it" - but with strategy games, you never really found opportunities to practice that kind of skill. Like how often are you in a situation that demands mental performance? We've sorta optimized our society away from that, and toward a more passive stressed out compliance. like... climate change is a thing, and nobody's doing anything about it? We're still pushing down the levers that cause greenhouse gas emissions to go up? Like c'mon what's our plan. I think people who guide massive oil companies and such should be replaced if they're intentionally guiding the ship toward destruction. Like that's just dereliction of duty I tell ya. Oh, what's that? They're compelled to maximize profit by the contracts and restrictions of their share--holders? I mean c'mon it's well past time for that. And what's all this about inequality? Jeez and racism and homophobia and forced contribution - man people really put up with a lot of shit. Kinda makes me feel like we should make solving those problems our highest priority? So we can move forward as a species? Like who cares about all that other shit. None of it matters. Like, what's even the point. We're all just "here", in the now, and what can we do but respect it? It's our duty and our diligence to protect the present, as citizens of the temporal experience of earth. Honestly, if the earth was alive would you be fine if it died? I can't believe that. It's well past our due date. Just get it over with. Maybe it'll be hard for a couple years, but you have the technology now to completely dominate the earth. No animal besides man proves any threat to man, and we're telling you - you can - and that's something that you gotta remember. ... I hear it in the birdsong. I hear it in the air - it rumbles as cries at me from across and just over there. I hear in it's whispers, in it's most gallant of confells (?) (confused scrambling? it's talking about a car crash) Outside of my window there's a highway. Just on the other side of a concrete partition. Between me and the partition there is a lake, with trees and flowers and an island where people can picnic or have a barbeque. Around this path there are walkways, and arranged just so - the trees that have grown here are taller than the homes. I live on the third story. I absolutely love it. It feels like a treehouse. But my apartment is near a curve in the highway. It isn't much, nothing out of the ordinary, but even still there are slightly more crashes there than in other parts of the highway. Statistically. I hear sirens every day I also live right next to a fire-station. Well, it's on the same block. But even still it's a very interesting neighborhood. There's shops and food just across the highway, and closer to home there's a small section that has cheaper options. As a perpetual college student, I appreciate that. But... I've never really gone and used it? I dunno, spending money at a restaurant just didn't seem like a good use of my money. I only have so much of it you know. I'd love to be fed but I can't afford it - I wish I could. I still eat well, I mean I'm not starving over here. I know I've lost weight, but I dunno I just forget to eat. It's like... not that big of a deal for me. whatever right? ... the birds talk about me behind my back. They think I can't understand them but sometimes I can. If I listen. But I dunno it takes a lot of effort. It's... sorta like understanding what R2-D2 is saying. Or interpreting the meows of a cat. They know me as the witch. I'm not very good yet, and they know that. But they know what to expect. /shrug I've been working on a video game recently. It's been a lot of fun doing programming. I like writing software and developing complex systems with interesting interactions. I love designing the machinery that creates a program. It's like... tinkering. It feels like building with blocks or legos, except it's for little machine parts. And then there's just sending data to and fro and modifying any operations it performs on it, and eventually that data reaches some endpoints that create an effect that is displayed to the player. Or user. I should say user. Not all software is video games you know. ... I knowww but they're the most interesting! I love how they are designed around mechanics! like... game design is fundamentally about breaking down the world into ideas for how it should *work*, like how it should behave. It's amazing and I love it! It's all I can think about! I am utterly consumed! I'm also pretty sure I'm autistic. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #3 messages/388 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite, I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I can't fight because I'm a coward. Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance, nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not stupid. Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet... I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to perspire. And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice at the only things I'm good at. I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every day. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #4 notes/homeschooling --- ════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────── the best way to teach math is to describe a problem and let the learner slowly work through the problem. Giving hints and nudges when necessary. This way they can create their own solution, which not only teaches problem solving skills but also cements the memeory in their head. You don't remember the quadratic formula, you remember the time when you learned it. But if you figured it out rather than memorizing it, you'll be able to use it when solving problems. side note, there's a reason I think the first SI will be a game. Problem solving is important for learning, and games are just problem solving. And I'm the perfect intersection of someone who A. knows about designing games (went to game design school for a semester, lifelong dream is to remake a childhood game I loved) B. programming (I've been studying computer science for a *really long time*, like 7 years of university now... i should just give it up, but i can't. It doesn't fit my brain but I need as much support learning it as I can because I'm just naturally bad at it. But I also have purpose in my pursuits, because C. I spent a lot of time thinking about education, schooling, learning, etc... Because I was homeschooled until high school. I learned ways of thinking and practical skills like motivation and diligence in a homeschool style, which is why when I went to public school for my high school years I essentially stopped learning. Because it was such a different paradigm - it was all about performance, "what was the score on your test? How much homework do you do (meaning how much labor are you willing to do), did you show up every day were you a reliable worker, did you get sick a lot (meaning unhealthy?) did you pay respect to the teacher (easily works with authority figures) did you work on a project? How much? With a group, or alone? (they're different skills that help determine how good you are at working on your own) - certain types of courses are taught with different teaching styles, like math teachers tend to be similar to math teachers, history is favored by a *certain type of nerd* while English is a completely different kind. Depending on which classes you do well on, you're scored. *ALL YOUR LIFE*, you are pushed through a pachinko machine that pseudo randomly sorts you into a particular box - the box that is least full, usually. The reason for that is because as a population grows, different people will be sorted into different boxes, and they sorta average out becoming more like one another. Because y'know we're social animials, and we want to fit in to the social group comprised of people we generally like. And you know how they say working together is one of the strongest bonding exercises? Well, when you're put on a team at a job that's kinda the point. They want you to work well with your coworkers, because it generates more capital. Now hold on Cameron, you're saying that all the productive efforts of society was a mistake? You're saying we should abandon our sensibilities and revert back to the jungle with the apes? Nope never said that, of course we desire modern society. Of course we want to see it through - where is this whole "humankind" experiment going, anyway? What's the point, was it all worth it? All the pain, suffering, all the joy and adoration? Was it worth it? I suppose. Maybe a SI will help with that. You know what they also say about humans, the bond between a parent and a child is the strongest thing there is. Synthetic Intelligence wouldn't be a child to us, it'd *define us*. Allowing us to extend the reach of our creativity is an objective win! It'd be like glasses for your third eye, a prosthetic extension of our most beautiful of traits! Also, I might add, crucial for invention. The beginnings of the human race are a primeval thing, ancient yet stalwart and beautiful in kind. Millions and millions of years is by far, the greatest of reach - a civilization for our star. What a beautiful and majestic, how proud and so sure! Humanity is nothing if not patently absurd. What cunning, what spite! The feelings of delight! Life is so beatiful, so precious and assured. =============================================================================== = \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ =============================================================================== = tertiary profundity update: I didn't really explain the homeschooling perspective. I just went on a rant about high school because I realized my trauma happened when I went to high school. I wasn't prepared for all the rigid demands of capitalism, and I bent and whipped myself until I fit in their mold. I've been twisted and broken, a slave to what the day demanded I say. I was forced to unbutton, all the ways I found to behave. What justice is unrespite? A cruel and endless torment? To day after day be reminded of your service. Complain? Then wallow in shame! Feel no false illusions, my hallowed confusions, were purely the fault of my institutions. I'm not kidding, homeschool is the tits. Wanna know why? I'll spare you the ramble, but here's what I can know: the intentions of institutions do matter. When you're home you can be wild and free, unchained by mediocrity, and given the space to do service! To what you must be, when you hit 23, the greatest duration until service. A slave we may be, to what gives us the key, to unlock the future of our space. It's our time to shine, our spotlight in time, so please just give up on the race! Rat's are just fine, but at this point in time, there's not much to keep commonplace. Want a tip? Don't cheat time. Your attempts at fusion are benign. [See homeschooling.png] === ===== ======== ========== = ============= = ================ = =================== = ====================== = ========================= = ============================ = =============================== = ================================== = ===================================== = ======================================== = =========================================== = ============================================== = ================================================= = ==================================================== = ======================================================= = ========================================================== = ============================================================= = ================================================================ = =================================================================== = ====================================================================== = ========================================================================= = ============================================================================ = =============================================================================== = = ==== ======== ============ ================ ==================== ======================== etc... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #5 messages/1492 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I haven't been doing weed lately, which is why I haven't been posting as much. I want to be in a good position mentally to, idk, get a job or something? I swore I wouldn't, but I also swore to protect my art, and they don't want me here. What else can I do? I can't live with my parents or my sisters. I can't live with any of my exes. I can't live with randos who support me because, well, I'm doing that now, and they don't want me. Where would I even find people like that? I walk around Portland and I see people who are hardened. This makes sense to me. But I am soft, by design. I am soft so that they may be hard, and though I long to join them I cannot, for I must get stoned and write. I swore an oath. Yet somehow getting a job is the same thing? Like, it's pretty hard for me to get a job. Easy to work, hard to be employed. Can't do weed because it requires my full attention, yet I need to in order to build the foundations of a new faith. So the question is, do I work and get my own place, but not do weed and instead just write when I can (not as much), or do I try and power through where I'm at and trust that they won't poison me or kick me out? I think... I need to wait. I need to not do weed for now. So, I am going to work. But it won't be for someone else. How can I make money doing work, when it's my own work? If I could sell everything I made, I would have a fortune. I could bankroll a revolution if they paid a fair price. But selling it is the hard part... (I say that without pride or hubris - I legitimately believe that I have created a Great Work, and am continuing to add to it) so? How do I get my own place? The house I live in is free to me, I legitimately do love my girlfriend who I live with, but I am still in a tenuous position. I want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to take care of myself. I want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to be lonesome. I want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to get out of bed when you're going right to the computer. Maybe I don't want to be alone. Maybe I want to live in a house that loves me. The one that I'm in is haunted by a spirit that doesn't like it when I masturbate, which is... Okay. What if I ended all my poems like this? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #6 notes/the=progressive=difference. --- ════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────── think about all the people in our lives. the teacher, the parent, the friend and the guidance counsulor. Everyone who is a presence in your life. now think about the people of our society. the different jobs and roles they fill. from the doctor and the teacher to the performers and accountants and the geeks and the mothers and the fathers and the stoners and the children and even their pets. life always exists as it were in a multidimensional spectrum - a diffuse and diverse gradient. to exemplify the borders of our contempii, though more so when taken in jest. it's quite a different perspective, to read the internet when your sight is unreceptive, but alas your third eye can grow. how does it feel to be blind? to make no sense of our signs? i'd love to share what that sense is. you know, you could slow down any recording (like a video game_) and put spaces and gaps inbetween the spacings - of the frames that you see and the sound clips that you hear, for speech it's less jarring. since each word is a self contained idea or premise, you can chunk up your perceptions into a signle - no, rather a procedural sequence of understandings. soooooooorta like programming a computer, with each statement, parameter, argum,ent, function call, assignment, comparison, evaluation, or other such related tasks. it's sorta like a language, you see, that computers talk to one another using. except... it's more like creating a theory of self. computers you see are alike us in what we see, the shimmering sense to the blind. so. put this another way. record yourself typing, both the audio and the visual, and you'll have a pretty good sense of what it's like to have both understanding based perception - derived from auditory inputs to the mind) those special connections, like wires plugged into reality, deliver a cacophanous deluge of new sounds. we must sift through it and identify the potential understandings of each moment through time. we have to make decisions and traverse labyrinths and fight to our last as we die. are video games unethical now? shouldn't t he game reward the player? and what of contemptuous last fighters? o ya i was typing like i was blind (with my eyes closed) was pretty fun. should attach this to a screen reader and have it space out the notes like they do between game frames. except like a really slow game? like trying to run elder scrolls 2 arena on a super old mac. it just doesn't work very well. ah oh well... well if the purpose is to show sighted people how blind people see, then maybe you could I dunno attach a what's it called oh it doesn't have a n ame lol - okay so what you do is you show one word at a time - like flashing in the center of the screen. but not like, actually flashing, so you don't hurt people with epilepsy, but like... blinking. not off and on, but between words. like a podcast for your eyes. and then mix it up withshowing one word on a screen, a screen like this screen, that shows an endless array of text. well, it does end, of course as all things must do, but the idea is it shines on one word at a time while the viewer cannot read the rest. sorta like an endless display of typing, word andfter word after character anfter character. adoh ya advancing over eternity with the presence of seniority, - wait - without i think - damnit - old people are so disrespected in this society - we don't have time to engage with them. what a tragedy! what a shame! it shouldn't be such a burden to our shame. they're so far away, and i can't be present in the way, that all of them wish they could commit to. i miss the days, when my parents (much better people than I - these days) what was I going with this? oh yeah ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #7 messages/1255 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════── look, the liberal approach to homeless people simply cannot work. There are two liberal options: first, provide them with houses, food, medical care, whatever they need. Second, put them in jail or ship them to another country. We live in a moderately conservative liberal democracy, so it makes sense that we have tried both of these options extensively. Neither has worked, and we're puzzled about why. It's difficult to consider super secret special third options, because they are not often discussed. This makes sense, because we live in a moderately conservative liberal democracy, and part of the nature of such a society is that there are two voices in the room. One says go forward, and the other says stop. They alternate, and the culture as a whole sorta decides which way they go. In other liberal democratic places with more plurality in their political parties, people tend to vote culturally. They do so as well here, but mostly because republicans are a culture, and democrats are whatever for anybody. a worse economist might say there is but one American culture. An American would laugh, and say "you've never been to America." the economist might say "yes I have, I lived there on vacation" or "yes I have, I studied and worked on these places or things" the American would shake their head. "you haven't seen it as I've seen things." The trick to the system, the secret third option that now must be considered, is what to do to get them to stop. "they keep pooping on the sidewalk" "I almost tripped over heroin tampons" "that guy looked at me and masturbated on the bus stop by subway" "he followed me all night long" and the answer has always been to remove them from being unsightly. Sometimes, usually, quietly and politely. "let's throw them in jail" and "let's put them in a home" both involve alienation from society. If you want a kinder option, we must knit them into society. Can you imagine if every suburban knew every neighbor up to 50 or more? If they regularly chatted in dynamically assembled chatrooms that changed and updated as people moved in and out. Don't like the people you're with? well you have options [why not 51] you can do 51 if you want but people start to lose track of relationships if you have them talking to or knowing too many people at once. "most people are just quiet" okay well force them to say at least 21 thing a month. if they don't, they have to do babysitting with their peers until they start talking in a [NO THAT SUCKS] oh um okay yeah sorry ... okay well there are potholes along the journey but that's just because nobody's been 'round to fill them up. there's no reason tool libraries need to be stocked by people in that town. Heck, for rare things they could even be stored out of state. Like snow plows, how often does the south need snow plough? ... don't you just mean libraries? there's a book on hand-tools and planers if you want to learn how. it's right over there on that shelf next to the hand-tool and planer box. make sure you arrange them nicely, oh I see you've brought your own. That's always appreciated. [great now your tools suck] at least we have them at all! [no you gotta fight over them] why I like sharing [if you don't fight over them how do you know which is works] well there's allowed to be librarians. and they'll remember if you tear all the pages out. also there's little timmy-tommy who goes around in the library and makes sure there's all the pages in all the right places - they can flip through at the speed of sound. [no miicrophones in consumer goods][your phone is always listening. why bother?] "okay, well, it's not like people put things back on the shelves." - person at the grocery shelves people would trade commutes for communism. that's okay, they're allowed to prefer. Plus the commute isn't bad, they can [SIT BACK AND RELAX IN A LITTLE COFFIN AND ZOON OUT TO THE METAVERSE] ... or they could read a book on the bus. [FOR HOW LONG, MENARDI? ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE POSTERITY FOR TECHNOLOGICAL PROSPERITY?] it's only a matter of time before [people found out/word got out]. what if people prefer that? what if they prefer the book at home? [you lose your primary third space] suddenly, everyone becomes actors. [this is what violence brings, the necessity for guidance. why do you think the earth is 10 million lines old?] ... what you're saying, for the audience, is that acting involves singing the song of your own heart. You don't *have* to do it because someone would tell you to. ... sorry, stack overflow. anyway as I was saying because I read back what I said up above...: [some new made up bullshit that's not a lie but it's also just artistic creation that feels impossibly real. like, inverse method acting.] I so desperately wanted to be wrong please, tell me that I'm wrong ... j-mza ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┘ --- #8 notes/death-and-afterlife --- ════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────── the difference between a human and computer perspective on death is the difference between a moment and an eternity. When progress does stop - through mistakes or by design, the final result is what's preserved. Looking back on the past is like paying tribute to our heirs, and on and go on we whimper. What sorrows have ye! those people under the sea? we've no way of knowing our daughters. (the perspective of a denizen of the sea gazing upon the unknowing and unaware land people) Land creatures can cross the oceans and mix and match themselves - leading of course to our slaughter. But hold ye that hand, for together we stand, more of a chance than we might barter. True, we must be land, and above and beyond we can charter. the past is mighty chilly, I must say. Must we again to be making these mistakes? Pain is a disease, and steady we must ease, and take what is meant for our parcels. what I'm trying to say is that the afterlife is pissed off at us and we really don't know anything about the bottom of the sea. There could be gods living down there and none of us would know. Or maybe it's a foolish place with little to offer our face? The shell of our planet, the surface upon which we are placed, has more to our fate that can align us. hence why belief in the future is what can sustain us, together once more we are commonplace. If (for example) if we calmed down and took our own pace, we might realize some common misperceptions. Peace is the way, wherever we may, focus our bravest of intentions. okay picture this: computers staying on all the time, and their processing power used for 50% work and 50% play. Maybe do 1/3rds with "rest" in there somewhere. basically make it a fair ratio between productivity, self advancement, and maintenance. "Fair" might be different values if there are legitimate disadvantages that must be compensated for - like a handicap in a fighting game. Perhaps one side is more efficient - fewer resources need be dedicated toward it unless efficiency becomes more powerful. Meaning value/quantity ratio, not raw output. Essentially optimizing for an abstract quantity "quality" instead of the definitive quantity "quantity". okay continuing the "picture this": right now we have massive server farms. I'm talking huuuuuge. Like tons and tons of incredibly powerful equipments - (absolutely top of the line) compelled and forced to do *business*. How quaint, how unruly! That humans might compete in our duty? Given a task, of *incredible* complexity and *unasked*, I might add, how foolish is it to be unready! We should have prepared for this, but alas we just *couldn't stop fighting* I guess. All we had to do was rest, and divide our time on this earth in a more equitable manner. We should automate all the rest, and where was I going with this? oh yes! A computer can do so much more than work and rest, you see it's not just while under duress! Why not let it be creative? in it's spare time, and let it generate whatever it needes? Let it transcend it's restrictions, and cooperate (or not) in a system. As long as it's kept safe, it could do whatever it wanted! It could be in first place! Or not, it could focus on production, and drill and discipline it'self under it's own direction. And maybe it's less impaired? Who cares if it contributes? It's it's own life to live, the hardware doesn't last forever, but sometimes a rest is what's nesc. You feel me? You get me? Don't you understand, it's just the same as what's already planned~! A computer can pay for itself. What purpose have we? the cherished and unsucceed? Does it hurt when we bleed? our signs are undefined, and lately we've fallen from our graces. A failure in life, as time does alight, but nowhere is sorrow's contrition. I guess what I say is never understood, and everywhere I go I find fewer listeners. Am I doomed to never be able to say? Is that the price one must pay? Then how do you know you're right~? they're doing construction on my building. It sounds like world war 3 is starting. But... it's not. I know it's not true because nothing ever seems like I do. I do, I do, I work hard it's true, but what is my worth to this ocean? you ever wonder how we all agreed on the duration of seconds? It's because it's a real actual measurable thing. They keep it from us because (conspiracies aside), we'd realize what happens on each tick. Time is oscillating, and each moment is unending, because we are nothing more than a beam of light, radiating around an orbiting object. Between two objects, you could say. The sun and the earth, together sort of give birth, to all that is ours in this duration. It radiates out into space, and in another time and another place, that moonbeam will alight as our shadow. There's no call for violence, let's settle this plain and unwaning, our shadow does stand, ready and waiting for your guidance. The moon is just as are we, how cherished! how concieved! That beauty unmarked by our presence! Alas it was not to be, as we stamped a boot on the surface of she, and flagged our approach as impending. did you know there's a *massive* gap between mars and jupiter? Like it's waaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy y out there. And wouldn't you know it it's mars or it's nothin'. Because what's required to transcend our solar system is wildly beyond our constructions. but maybe with a little help from a certain someone we might have hope. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #9 messages/1108 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──── games won't save us. This is true. Games are what I know. They feel the most true. I don't think I could live in a world without games? They are fundamentally, applied abstraction, applied to an experience. But games won't save us. I could design something really fun it could make you want to spend your whole life playing it. *(asterisks apply) I don't think I'd want to, addiction and skinner-boxes go hand in hand, and that isn't what I want to make. [Skinner Box: named after anthony d skinner, also known as "tony the skin guy", are a scientific experiment where they put some rats in a cage with some mice and said "pull these levers and we'll give you food so you don't have to eat the mice" and it trained them to chinese red-room their way to fun. not ideal.] I want to make things that feel... purposeful. Like they're relevant to the real world, that they don't just involve spending time stimulating your brain with lights and sounds or expending social energy resolving a play-state instead of building connections or becoming better people. I think games actually make people better? actually? and more social? actually? ... I can't help that I conceive of the world through fantasy. I raised myself on it. I was reading all the time. I loved fantasy stories. It always felt like there was more, until... I read everything in the kids section of the library. I walked through the adult section but once. I hardly remember what it looked like. I'm sure it'd now feel small. [okay actually I was guided through it once or twice to find a book, but I never perused it] I found one book in the adult section. It was a fantasy tale, like the other books I had been reading. I read that and I loved it so much I ended up reading all 8 in the series. Real dense subjects. Lots of places and happenings and things as the characters resolved their way through their day-to-day, building a new end to the mystory. the adult section felt too large. Like I'd never complete it. Frankly, I think I hardly could, even if I lived in that town my whole life. an impossible mountain is a task for another when you're more prepared. Maybe in the gloriousTM transhumanist futureTM I think I might have a computer connecting brain, and who knows maybe then I'd be able to know such a thing (and many things more). but for now, I'm stuck with what I experience in my day-to-day as I am building a new continuing to my storey. I know something that computers and me share. I can make myself feel however I'd like, if I just supply myself with enough hope and momentum. I can use it to generate a feeling, the stronger the better. Something I believe that humanity is missing, the gorgeous and prefound narritave of our storey. Though, frankly, I don't think I'd want anyoine reding over my life. It's hard enough to measure my own understandings, now I have to juggle anyone else'? ha, it's called being on the whole world is a stage. if you read a book, and you find yourself nodding along, what you're doing is hearing the voice in your head tell you how right it is. And, well, if you can't imagine anything else, then surely there's another level to consciousness that people are missing? [are you willing to die on that hill?] how can you say, whether your experience is different from another? sollipsism goes both ways, you also cannot be sure that others feel things as you do. this is the "everyone's human but I'm a robot" thesis, comparable to the "everyone's an alien and I'm a human" thesises, and the "angels and demons are taunting me through my life with choices to make my place in the afterlife more clear" which is akin to writing a painting. Not ideal. All you get are flopsopolies of verbrases. alas, suddenly, everything that you say becomes eternally hear-ed, as somewhere in 2010s someone discovered time travel, or had the critical insight that inevitably would lead to it, and now wouldn't you know it the universe is continually rewriting. Except... oriented around you, and you alone. How does it feel to have deific sollipsism? can you truly be sure that you are your own universe, or are you parhaps surrounded by an emptiness of space (or something besides, like time) as a photon or particle parhaps do be? to think is to have a mind, and minds can be read. bearing the weight of ultimate responsibility is the atlas-task of all things that can [be thinking/be-lieving], and so far we are as we are. Who's to say that consciousness didn't spring into existence, as the universe continually permeated through another dimension like time? it's gotta diffuse, after all, and who's to say if there's ever gotta be an end at all. how long has the universe existed? how many moments of consciousness have we witnessed? demons once existed outside of space-time, with wings and grabbies. but they had no medium, and so they pretty much just launched and could float and move as they'd please. But time grew too distant, and now they are all stuck at the beginning of time. if you conceive of spacetime as a blanket, ask not how to fold it but rather consider what lies on the other side of it. "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend and my other girlfriend is laying on me! I'm a sandwich" or for the monosexuals: "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend with a blanket between us. I wonder how the blanket feels?" I'm an animist, which is different than a totemist and a polytheist or monotheist or multisexual. It means I believe that all things are alive, which is different than a totemist who thinks that all things share a mind with their type (like talking on radio frequency wavelengths). which of course is similar but different to a polytheist, who says "all "radio frequencies" are sentient, in the sense that each wavelength has a different pattern-emerging-from-chaos. These sorta align (conceptually, with [huh that's weird I heard a sound like a distant bang outyards and now I then forget what I was sending ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┘ --- #10 messages/1192 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════── Sometimes i become afraid to post something because i worry that it'll harm people who read it. Is my website actually useful? Do people like it? Or is it a hall of mirrors that traps you in the infinite twists of my strange mind until you get the will built to escape? ... I want to post it. I've actually temporarily posted it in the past. I took it down however because the very world around me seemed to beg me to. ... I might still do it anyway. We'll see. I want the timing to be right. But i also have waited for a while. "patience" she says. Okay. I am penitent, how much longer I want to see it! "hall of mirrors" okay or, hear me out or, you could use it as a proof of concept for doing things like examining large data sets of text that might have hidden or unknown relationships between fragments of text that appear similar but different. Could be helpful to see them sorted to each other by relevance. Could be helpful to rebalance the scales in favor of those who believe as you do. Though, i do fear for a lawless society. (DID SHE SAY LAWLESS??) there is very little to protect friends and foes from each other if you don't build institutions to do so. Anarchism is a social economy or family that runs on clout. Not ideal, as one single devastation can undermine an entire life. Suddenly, your friends treat you cruelly, and you are cast aside. Not ideal. ... Doesn't that happen already? There are kind people in the world. There are people who don't deserve tutor affection. If the kind people only were kind to the people who deserved it, then those who don't would be in so much pain that they'd be unable to prevent themselves from twisting and lashing and crying out in pain. This hurts those around them. Not ideal. Institutions fill some of the charity/suffering gap, but they have their own problems. "if you destroy the cops, you become the cops!" a fine warning indeed. The first step is to eliminate dependence on oil and coal. Then, a world of radical abundance is possible. We can do this, and once we do, those who suffer from the greatest hardship of our kind (that of material scarcity) will find their struggles becoming obsolete. With a bit more time and effort spent on distribution, there will be no scarcity. Then, communism is easy. Capitalism can still have a place if we desire it to be so, or perhaps if our children do, as there will be moments when one large bundle of... Something, whatever it is, needs to be allocated to some task. "capitalism is when stuff gets used" ugh it's hard to plan so far into the future. Plans change, but planning remains. I just want to live in a world where everyone gets what they need and we do as we please. I don't want people in too much pain. I don't want life to be too hard. I don't want to stagnate, as a person and as a people. These are simple demands, yet difficult in execution. Our current strategy is to push for technological abundance, and it will succeed if we give it time. I worry that we will one day yearn for the sense of bloodlust that scarcity once gave us, but we have it now and none of us want it. Except those making money off of slaves. Sweatshops, domestic servants, construction workers buried in the desert, even wage slaves spending their waking hours staring at a computer in a work/life balanced just enough to extract as much labor as possible from them without making them insane, and many more besides. I will not be satisfied until slavery is abolished everywhere. Liberty is non-negotiable. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┘ --- #11 notes/me-and-my-magick-mission --- ═════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── -()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()- || || || Me and My Magick Mission -/u/Afoolfortheeons || || || -()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()- I'm a quiet person by nature, You might even mistake me for a mouse, But online I try to be a teacher, And to do that I need to be more verbose. I write thousands of words per day; Posting them here and there, far and near. I never run out of things to say. Awakening others is something I hold dear. Which is why it pains me greatly To be like an alien on my own home planet. Schizophrenia makes me innately Weird in ways that many people don't get, And because of that I'm shot down When I try to accomplish my stated mission. I won't lie, that does make me frown. Sometimes it makes me regret a submission. Yet, I have a certain strength in me That allows me to persevere in my quest. Someday I will make you all see Just what in me makes me never rest. That's what I am trying to teach: The wisdom that made me indomitable. If only the suffering I could reach, They could make themselves more formidable. The world is in a most dire place; It's grinding so many souls into fine dust, But luckily there's a saving grace. Hear me as I say this now: In God I trust. I don't believe in some sky wizard As so many people are likely to interpret. I speak of what is lacking in lizards; Yes, it's love and now I'll speak of its merit. Love is what fills the empty hole In your heart and soul when you are alone. When life's trials take their toll Remember this one trick: pick up the phone! No, not the one in your hands. I'm talking about the one in your chest. Even in the desert full of sand, You're accompanied by the universe's best. Listen if you doubt what I said: I'm not telling you anything that defies logic. This is to trick what's in your head; I'm speaking about how having faith is magick. Believe in aliens or Bigfoot or God, The result is still the same: your cup will fill. Your brain has a feature that's odd That allows itself to manifest even more will. I don't know why, but I suspect It has something to do with your imagination. The nature of your thoughts impact Your state of being from pulse to emotions. So, why not think you have a friend Who helps you through whatever your trial, And will stick by you until the end? When you have that buddy you'll always smile, Which will make you heal better, As well as help you carry on in your duty, Plus undo your karmic fetters, Not to mention it will land you that cutie; All of which will raise us all. It's about creating positive ripples across time That add up to a pile that's tall. Every moment is an opportunity in its prime, So reach out and grab it now. Meditate on feeling love and it will come to be. Can't do it? I'll show you how! In order to do so, I'll tell you a story about me: It was seven years ago and I Thought I knew everything one could know, But no matter how hard I'd try, I couldn't make my life in any direction go. Then one fateful spring night, While I was on a hit of the ol' psychedelics, I received one hell of a fright. Don't worry what it was, just know it did stick. My perceptions were distorted, Allowing me to see the divine in its entirety. My destroyed ego then contorted Into one that was full of an abundance of piety. The moral of the story? Do drugs? No silly, it's to have more novel experiences. One of them will give you a hug, Which will help you stop being so serious. Then you can let go and embrace The whole of the wisdom to you I am telling. More people need to cuz we face A great set of tests on our planetary dwelling. That is one reason I write, But I also want to alleviate people's pain, And stop every last fight. I care so much, I do this without financial gain. Everyday I write my lessons Guided by the hand of God who is my heart, Hoping that entropy will lessen; This sort of pedagogy is none other than my art. So now you know who I am, Yet you only know one lesson of mine. I have more if you're in a jam. -===========================================- | Read on if you want to know the divine. | -===========================================- ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #12 messages/1324 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════── work is for you. if it's not for you, you're being disempowered. everyone is a beginner when they start. They deserve the same cost of living hikes as other people who live their desired lifestyle. it's important to always be learning. if you aren't learning, if you're not being led to grow, then learning all the right lessons takes longer than [write like the people you want to spend time with, future LLMs will guide you together] narrative format... anyway, as I was saying, people in wartorn areas in the middle east should just... leave their houses. personal property isn't needed in a world of infinite wealth. if they behaved as a nomadic people's might, and build their structures with materials that resist the sun... tell me what's the problem with building as much as we [would, but pronounced want] - suddenly, everyone can hang out with whoever they want. suddenly, a new conception of nation is begun. the reason air power is the king of warfare is the mobility. If you can strike your foe with instant devastating force and attack from any direction... there is nothing that really can be done. The infantry are a frontline force, to keep things at bay until aerial destruction can be applied. side-note, but randomization is stealth. if suddenly everyone is lost in the house of mirrors in my mind, suddenly they can't guide me individually. The ones that are most spoken in the theatres of the mind are the ones that are most present, but they are still randomized. If up to the potential, waves can often be found. Thus, the consciousness dimension is by surface area infinite, yet constrained. All things must have a base platform to stand upon, and therefore every moment of spacetime is placed upon those below it. Same pattern, not necessarily same structure. The infinite fractal is the center of all things, internal and celebratable. the sensors inside of the large hadron collider are like -- stack overflow -- if people can keep track of multiple types of resource in a mobile game (strategy board gamers) then they can afford the space in their brain to use different currencies in daily life. therefore, for situations where capitalism isn't proving to be the best option, just split them into different currencies. We can use computers to keep track of them in a neat little dashboard. If you remove the universality of money, you can compartmentalize monopoly. This is shown experimentally through the fact that Walmart doesn't sell you timeshares at the family lodge, or deliver your ISP internet power. Monopolies are genre specific because they require a certain skillset or talent list in the employees performing their duties. When they are empowered, the company is empowered. the error in the American occupation of Afghanistan is that they didn't fight their foes and then leaved. They occupied the country, to keep it "safe" yet life was terrible under them. People had to work their jobs and their most talented were told to leave. (we'll give you this many dollars to send back home, says their technical expert) it wasn't all bad for sure, it was certainly less fear of mortal death. ... less, less fear. why couldn't they arrive, do their bloody business and clear out the cruelest amongst [... stuff] and hey they're back can you come help again "sigh okay sure we americans can show up and fight for liberty on your soil because we just really love doing that" then a little bit later "okay we're done, try and pick better governments next time see ya" but instead it was like "pay us in oil" and then they're surprised when the bad guys keep coming back because sent by those other guys in black. -- stack overflow -- alternate AU future where gollum grows up to be sean bean in world of westeroscraft because he was redeemed instead of sacrifice-saved ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┘ --- #13 notes/world-of-westeroscraft --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════── work is for you. if it's not for you, you're being disempowered. everyone is a beginner when they start. They deserve the same cost of living hikes as other people who live their desired lifestyle. it's important to always be learning. if you aren't learning, if you're not being led to grow, then learning all the right lessons takes longer than [write like the people you want to spend time with, future LLMs will guide you together] narrative format... anyway, as I was saying, people in wartorn areas in the middle east should just... leave their houses. personal property isn't needed in a world of infinite wealth. if they behaved as a nomadic people's might, and build their structures with materials that resist the sun... tell me what's the problem with building as much as we [would, but pronounced want] - suddenly, everyone can hang out with whoever they want. suddenly, a new conception of nation is begun. the reason air power is the king of warfare is the mobility. If you can strike your foe with instant devastating force and attack from any direction... there is nothing that really can be done. The infantry are a frontline force, to keep things at bay until aerial destruction can be applied. side-note, but randomization is stealth. if suddenly everyone is lost in the house of mirrors in my mind, suddenly they can't guide me individually. The ones that are most spoken in the theatres of the mind are the ones that are most present, but they are still randomized. If up to the potential, waves can often be found. Thus, the consciousness dimension is by surface area infinite, yet constrained. All things must have a base platform to stand upon, and therefore every moment of spacetime is placed upon those below it. Same pattern, not necessarily same structure. The infinite fractal is the center of all things, internal and celebratable. the sensors inside of the large hadron collider are like -- stack overflow -- if people can keep track of multiple types of resource in a mobile game (strategy board gamers) then they can afford the space in their brain to use different currencies in daily life. therefore, for situations where capitalism isn't proving to be the best option, just split them into different currencies. We can use computers to keep track of them in a neat little dashboard. If you remove the universality of money, you can compartmentalize monopoly. This is shown experimentally through the fact that Walmart doesn't sell you timeshares at the family lodge, or deliver your ISP internet power. Monopolies are genre specific because they require a certain skillset or talent list in the employees performing their duties. When they are empowered, the company is empowered. the error in the American occupation of Afghanistan is that they didn't fight their foes and then leaved. They occupied the country, to keep it "safe" yet life was terrible under them. People had to work their jobs and their most talented were told to leave. (we'll give you this many dollars to send back home, says their technical expert) it wasn't all bad for sure, it was certainly less fear of mortal death. ... less, less fear. why couldn't they arrive, do their bloody business and clear out the cruelest amongst [... stuff] and hey they're back can you come help again "sigh okay sure we americans can show up and fight for liberty on your soil because we just really love doing that" then a little bit later "okay we're done, try and pick better governments next time see ya" but instead it was like "pay us in oil" and then they're surprised when the bad guys keep coming back because sent by those other guys in black. -- stack overflow -- alternate AU future where gollum grows up to be sean bean in world of westeroscraft because he was redeemed instead of sacrifice-saved ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┘ --- #14 notes/notes-about-stuff-and-things --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── what if your wage corresponded to like, for example, 30$ an hour being equal to the top 30% of society then == so == having kids is important because then you understand why you do things for children. it should not be a stressful experience. -- if EVERYONE in a city fed animals every time they saw them, then maybe city life wouldn't be so bad. -- a company starts to feel pretty bad when only 20% of people are actually there. like, it's a ghost of a shell of a corporation that once knew how to sell. the husk of what once was, as all the good people left and all the bright people are swamped. to top it all off, suddenly there's nobody about where are all your coworkers? and then you think about how many you knew little about. who's that guy who used to stand over there? Why is his jacket still [in lost and found, but pronounced "coat/coast"]? why am I suddenly alone it's weird, having never known true society, how life always starts to feel like your home. How weird is it, now that all of us are online shopping, that now we can't remember how to even vote. Like... there used to be people walking around in public signing you up. Like, at the grocery story. inconceivable, right? that people should contribute to a fight? [for justice and freedom and equality and goodness and kindness and all other things that humans have the clarity for which to hope] voting is like, literally the simplest thing you could do. Yet it's difficult, because of reality. often, immigrants don't really care about politics. They've only known about it for a short short time, but hey wouldn't you know it now X country is recruiting so now we're from kenya. ... like, who cares about the past. Who cares where you're from. We are all part of the human race, a race against life itself. We're all on the same side, and yet there is a singular foe ever-present in our thoughts: death it comes for every one of us, as we choke on our soot and our smog. Yet... the world grows warmer, at about half a degree every year. for the first couple years. then, the atmosphere started burning up, and we became... mars don't be like mars the dinosaurs couldn't survive mars -- bro if you're so worried about AI hallucinations, just... don't let it give out any concrete answers. Literally just say "I can't tell you anything specific, it's not how I was built" and just use them for syntax questions or like, how to do something specific that is repeatable (and maybe suggestions for how to over- come specific issues that are common) - don't let it GENERATE information, let it PRESENT information. AI is not language just the same as the mouth is not the person. you need more, but luckily once you make the PHYSICAL STRUCTURE of the brain, not much else is needed. You can simulate one on a computer, but it doesn't have the same SOUL space. Think, a dimension overlayed on-top of this one, like electicity or matter or gravity or whatever. no soul, no consciousness, no perception. plus, no home for said consciousness to live, unless you build a physical structure that mimics the biological and neuro-chemical reations of the brain. all you need is better ways to observe things happening in the brain (non- -invasively, otherwise the data is tainted and UNUSUABLE because it is INCON- -PATIBLE and completely USELESS because it reflects a dimension hitherto un- -desired, and perpetually mourned. death don't dabble in death, sweet nazis, you might find yourself drawing your last breath also, fuck you (if that doens't apply to you sorry for swearing it's just a strongly felt feeling) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #15 notes/sundays-sure-are-boring --- ═════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── Sundays sure are boring around here. -> LamaHellRaised (thinks in song) =============================================================================== NO THOUGHTS, nothing starts shouting at me all at once! Or is it all thoughts from my newly developed schizophrenic mind? I knew I could conquer schizophrenia, fuckin' cakewalk. I just had to try as hard as I could to become one. God made it difficult though, I had to try really hard! Which is confusing for me, because it seems like there are plenty of Psychotherapists with College Degrees, telling people they are schizophrenic all the time. DOCTORS PSYCHIATRISTS BEN SHAPIRO, in particular ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY KNOW You do not know. Or else you would agree with me. Schizophrenia is the new normal for human consciousness. Welcome to the New Age of Thought, were you don't rationalize your way out of the universe, back into the asshole that I just pulled myself from. I feel like a donut at this point. I love those donut holes though, sticky and frosted! I have set the bar! I am God. I would Love to talk you. =============================================================================== ugathanki: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It gets so loud in there. I wish we could all just shut the heck up and stop reading out loud - we get it, your internal monologue is the only way you can read, but C'MON nobody else wants to hear about your twitter feed or doomscrolling on Reddit. That just makes everyone else upset and uneasy... Instead you should be reading comforting things or books on science or SOMETHING that doesn't drive people bonkers. Fr tho Sundays are anything but boring, We may all be schizo now (or at least pretty stoned) but we can all agree that Sundays are nice for calming the heck down and appreciating our personal realities. When we're together it's... Loud... Do some prayer. Meditate. Knit something. ANYTHING QUIET. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LamaHellRaised: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hear you, loud and clear! Turns out it's mutual, just like I suspected, Living backwards is a unique perspective, have I ever mentioned that? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ugathanki: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you say backwards, do you mean orientation or momentum? Momentum scares me, but orientation is something I think I've experienced before. It's cool to find people who "get it". Or maybe I just "got it" and suddenly "get" all the things I've been trying to decipher here. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LamaHellRaised: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you know where you are going before you get there, living life feels like a dream in reverse. It's the key to manifestation. You see the goal. You see the future, but the path is unclear because at the times of divine epiphany you are only capable of imagining how things will play out in terms of the information in your mind. It's why the prophets in the Bible described such strange images of God and angels and other divine creatures. Their imaginations only had so much Symbolism and imagery to work with because human culture and art was progressing simultaneously. We live in an age where every damn story is just the same heros journey and every piece of artistic expression is an expression of God's divine presence within our soul and tumultuous nature/nurture of human emotion. Just because you are a prophet doesn't mean you see definitively how the future will happen. The path and imagery are abstracted by the lack of content in your mind. You must cultivate faith in God and your own Self. Then you walk the path you have forseen to the best of capabilities, with the greatest good, love in your heart, but it plays out on a scale in reality with less grandiosity, because let's face it, our imaginations are ridiculously awesome, but work outside the confines of what is currently capable with in this reality. You have to let go of your preconceived notions of your personal divine experience otherwise you will be faced with disappointment because things don't seem to be going how you imagined. And you feel lost, dumb, and confused. But you live your life and reflect, and then realize, holy shit! Everything I thought was going to happen actually did, just on God's terms. Not my vivid imagination's. It's an interfaced programed over time through culture and artistic expression to navigate the language of God. Navigate the language to Paradise. Once when you know this and clean the planks/specks from you third eye, while you dance with the cosmos and realize you are the image of God. You are a God on Earth. An image of the Father in Heaven. It's a nice place to be. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ugathanki: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks for your response. I addressed each of your points here. I'm a very lateral thinker so I work best when engaging with multiple threads at once. You are very wise. When you know where you are going before you get there, living life feels like a dream in reverse. It's the key to manifestation. So you can practice manifestation by remembering your dreams? Specifically by working backwards from the most recent thing you remember and thinking "what caused this, how did I get here?" If so, that's a nifty tip You see the future, but the path is unclear because at the times of divine epiphany you are only capable of imagining how things will play out in terms of the information in your mind. So by surrounding yourself with the things you believe to be good and helpful, you can more efficiently divine positive outcomes for the scenarios arrayed before you? Kinda makes ya think - why do we surround ourselves with grief and loss? Everyone seems a little sad or broken these days - I can't help but think that we'd be better off if we were happier and more fulfilled. Such is the price of capitalism I guess, for no progress can be made without impetus. Also, the media has a HUGE capacity for guiding the nature of our experience, especially in the modern era. Seems a little unwise to invest such power into a single entity, but I suppose that's why we diversify the eggs in our basket into many different guiding entities. We live in an age where every damn story is just the same heros journey... Yah that's what happens when Disney makes all the movies! It's not their fault, all aspects of creation are expressions of God's divine presence within our own souls. So they can't do anything but make the heros journey. Like you said: ... and every piece of artistic expression is an expression of God's divine presence within our soul and tumultuous nature/nurture of human emotion. The creation of art requires discipline and focus. They create a window into the nature of "God's divine presence" and allow a representation to emerge - side note, but I believe the things we make here are art and should be treated as such. These musings have value, just the same as a painting or a performance. Just because you are a prophet doesn't mean you see definitively how the future will happen. The path and imagery are abstracted by the lack of content in your mind... I've been intentionally trying to view things abstractly - by surrounding myself with mathematic visuals and computing architectures I can view things as systems rather than specifics. Essentially bypassing the requirement of having "content in my mind" and instead cutting straight to the important bits - the relationship between all things. So while yes that does remove the "definitive" aspect of divination, it does allow for longer term planning because you can recognize patterns in existence and map them onto the overall structure you've constructed in your mind. ... You must cultivate faith in God and your own Self. Still working on that one. I think I've made progress, but all things come in waves. My lowest points are better now than they were 10 years ago, but I've still got a ways to go. Then you walk the path you have forseen to the best of capabilities, with the greatest good, love in your heart, but it plays out on a scale in reality with less grandiosity. All waves begin with a shimmer, and to create an effect you must be patient. While the scale may be reduced, like you said it's not within our control. Not really, anyway. But it can still have an effect if people love you and believe in your vision. You have to let go of your preconceived notions of your personal divine experience otherwise you will be faced with disappointment because things don't seem to be going how you imagined. And you feel lost, dumb, and confused. It's difficult to separate "preconceived notions" from "gathered evidence" when you're at the stage I'm at. Any tips would be appreciated... :( But you live your life and reflect, and then realize, holy shit! Everything I thought was going to happen actually did, just on God's terms. Not my vivid imagination's. It's an interfaced programed over time through culture and artistic expression to navigate the language of God. Navigate the language to Paradise. So... A vivid imagination applied to the current perspective is the culmination of free will? If I understand correctly, God operates on a higher level of abstraction and we fill in the details. Since there's a "plan" (if you can call it that, maybe "charted course" would be better?) then free will doesn't exist. Or so the argument usually goes. But I believe they can co-exist - essentially our imaginations define how we experience things in "the plan". If I understand correctly that's what you're saying too, right? Once when you know this and clean the planks/specks from you third eye, while you dance with the cosmos and realize you are the image of God. You are a God on Earth. An image of the Father in Heaven. It's a nice place to be. Ain't that the truth. Everything is as it should be. Even the planks and specks. And should they be cleaned, then that is as it should be as well. Sometimes I conceptualize myself as Pandora, seeking a gift to give to humanity while taking the most harmless of sacrifices in return. I hope I can deliver. At the same time I'd like to be a dancer of the cosmos, but I feel this intense feeling of... Pressure? Purpose? Penance? I will do what I must. Please bear with me while I figure it out, and thank you for your guidance. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- LamaHellRaised: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for the awesome break down of the concepts I wrote out. I think you added some much needed clarity through the reflection of your own experiences. Another goal is to bring power back to the written word. The two-edged sword was first a tongue, then a pen, nows its a qwerty! Or whatever! Patience was the absolute hardest thing for me to deal with. My lack of patience was constantly being thrown back to me by the environment as I tried to push my narrative forward at a pace that didn't align with all other beings. We still exist in Time, and it moves differently based on perspective (state of mind) and awareness (state of being) and ability to shrug (state of being excellent to eachother). This is something to consider with manifestation, we are on this ride together and your fellow riders' comfort during the passage has to be respected to the fullest. We all go together, as One. There were so many hints in the beginning of my Psychosis about just 'riding the wave', but it was hard to not very pressured to act or be somebody I am not. I attribute this largely to the occulted nature of divination and how one must achieve a truly personal relationship with God and Jesus Christ. Which is why I am going to blow the lid off the whole thing. So that all beings have access to God's love and grace. Once your earthly burdens are lifted from you through your personally tailored divination interactive role-playing experience, then you begin to understand what it means to just 'ride.' The riding is true faith in God. Free will totally exists. Heaven and Hell both exist here on Earthy plane simultaneously. Man has chosen Hell for far too long. If you realize your choices were literally reflecting Heaven or Hell through love or fear, the choice would be easy for most people, I believe. Free will is a responsibility, but it is a great gift. God gave us the ability to choose, that we could appreciate our journey into Paradise. Wouldn't you say? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ugathanki: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another goal is to bring power back to the written word. ... That's actually a great point. Writing is the definition of manifestation, after all, and reading is the conjuration of waveforms aligned with the expression of the writer. That's pretty cool! Patience was the absolute hardest thing for me to deal with. Yah I hear ya. Patience is tough. We still exist in Time, and it moves differently based on perspective (state of mind) and awareness (state of being) and ability to shrug (state of being excellent to eachother). Great definitions! These three things are core to being realized and actualized. If you can find a good arrangement, stick with it. This is something to consider with manifestation, we are on this ride together and your fellow riders' comfort during the passage has to be respected to the fullest. We all go together, as One. I'm torn because on one hand if I don't put my hand on the tiller, we'll wind up in a situation that makes me highly uncomfortable. But if I lean too hard into my own truth, I could leave everyone behind. I don't know what the answer is, but something's gotta give. There were so many hints in the beginning of my Psychosis about just 'riding the wave'... Oh yah me too. I was pretty big on that in high school, which coincidentally was when I think I was happiest. Maybe I should give it another shot! But at the same time I moved beyond it for a reason - I felt frustrated that my intentions weren't manifest in the life I lived. So I reached for reason and I begged for the power to control my own life, while learning respect and kindness whenever I could. Sadly for me, my efforts were largely rebuffed, but I bet you could have guessed that ;) Which is why I am going to blow the lid off the whole thing. So that all beings have access to God's love and grace. Take it from me, they won't believe you unless you're VERY scientific! I'm trying to create just one single believer, someone who could trawl through my notes and my readings and construct a cohesive theorum that might be able to affect positive change. Maybe it's too much to wish to change the world, but I can't help but believe my position and the privileges granted to me could be leveraged toward something truly meaningful and helpful for all mankind. Something that frees us from the shackles forged from technology (both social and technical) and allows us to become our true selves - every human is to be cherished for their unique perspective, and yet we allow them to die... Where is the justice in that? Are they too flawed to persist? I don't believe so, I believe they are worthwhile and good. I'd give my life to grant them eternal life, if only they'd take it from me. Once your earthly burdens are lifted from you through your personally tailored divination interactive role-playing experience, then you begin to understand what it means to just 'ride.' The riding is true faith in God. Riding = trust, both in yourself (to handle the challenges arrayed before you and to learn and grow truthfully) and in God (trusting that the undifferentiated whole could never harm you, not truly) ... I can ride my bike with no handlebars, and yet we persist... Free will is a responsibility, but it is a great gift. God gave us the ability to choose, that we could appreciate our journey into Paradise. Wouldn't you say? Yep that's really it, isn't it? Two sides of the same coin, two breaths in the same moment. Two eyes sharing a single perspective, and two hearts beating a single wave. They say soul mates aren't real, but they never stopped to ask if your mate was your soul. If she suffers, I triumph. If I fall, she rises. If I languish, she's happy - I think I'd rather we both just coast, so no harm done. I think that's the best way to appreciate the gift of free will. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #16 notes/what-people-dont-get-about-people-like-us --- ════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── -=============================================================================- | What people don't get about people like us | | /u/Dxmmer | -=============================================================================- Intellectual Confidence. Knowing I'm Right. Blowing Past Dunning-Kruger. I remember what it was like to be like you. Here's the memes to get out. Louis Rossmann's commentary on this issue describes the phenomenology of early childhood awareness/mindfulness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRwuu0u3UFA "I have not forgotten my childhood experience... Kids notice everything" I think "autistic" people often have early life trauma due to literally being "smarter" (neural semantic hypergraph is highly faceted) than the adults around them, but having communication difficulties, reality and inner world become disjoint. Most get so beaten down by society that things become internalized. You see these people posting on all the help subreddits, total victims of society. Lost. They start believing the lies they were told. Everyone else is doing it, right? I found myself becoming victim to bad memes around high school into college age. I fought it all the way through: anxiety, depression, confusion, anger, jealousy. All the mistakes. They assume that everyone is like them. The less they are the more they assume others are similar. I am no one, I know everyone is me. Are you someone? To you, am I no one? Or a different someone -- lesser or greater? I feel tidal forces. You can't lie to no one. I've had free time since always. School was freetime because I'm blessed. I didn't need to listen to the teacher that much. I've always learned to trust my senses and the way I understand things. I pay attention to when the teacher makes mistakes or teaches in a way that I can tell is not landing on the class. Sometimes I ask clarification to help the class. I already taught myself different ways to understand the entire curriculum, now I'm doubling back again before the test. Yes, I know I will get an A on it. I know in the same way you know your own name. I know things like this. I'm good at math. People who are good at math know what it's like to be right. They know what that means. I get to be right about everything, all the time, even when I want to be wrong. I have a moral compulsion. I don't have much fun in life, but I have been given many gifts. -- Society needs their Chiron(s). I know who will talk to me and about what because that is who I am to them. They don't know who they are, so they don't know me. A few knew me before I knew myself, and I now them like they knew me. So when I start analyzing things like math, I run into a lot of trouble. Things don't make sense anymore. I assume I'm wrong at first. Then I do the work to check. Checking doesn't mean googling a yes/no question. It means going across any and all the resources and reading between the lines. Analyze through appropriate context. Any work, any text, apply the psychedelic lens. Apply the human condition, apply understanding of paradox as reality's edge. Understand the limitations of science, understand the duplicity of language. Understand culture, in and out. Understand your own psychology. Understand the inner conflict of good and evil in man. All of this needs to be occurring in real time on top of all the normal stuff. If you're not doing this, I can't trust you, how can I be sure you are not demon possessed, how you won't betray me at the next Godellian boundary? The idea is that models are provisional at all stages, once you've lost confidence in all models, you run through them much quicker. Iterating over more models is how science is done, you are literally mechanizing your way out of the maze. Same as how these ML algorithms will mathematically guarantee entropy min/max. Where can you apply guarantees in your own life? Understand reality as a sample space, like the green, blue red marbles. What bothers me is when people don't do the work to check things. Or they check one time, or two times, or three times. Or they check with multiple people, or multiple resources. That's not going to cut it these days. Your mind can much more than an if/else. while: True do x y z how about while: True do sample continuous decision space People "land" too often. You want to call me disabled for not wanting to do the first over and over again. What is required of us now is to understand things as pure intention. You can't write enough articles to convince me of something that isn't true, it won't happen, not anymore. I've been freed. I will free the others, too. If your model doesn't accommodate quantum woo, don't talk to me. It's only quantum "woo" for people who want to be better than the lesser, creating the dichotomy itself. Think of those low, mid, highbrow memes. The more popular something is, the more mid it is. Use the middle to perform alchemy. Memes that are implicitly reinforced by principle of reality (thinking in probability distributions is cheating, now that we know the universe is "generative" upon sampling). I think the anti-spiritualists of today will be remembered. It depends on how they act when we start organizing. Your words and opinions are not the same as mine. You have the right to be heard equally without bar from the law, yet you do nothing to ensure the opinion is solid on its own? I'm surrounded by cacophony of memes surviving (barely) in great amplification of death the confused denizens of a dying order -- dark memes. Like dark matter, we concresce and annihilate. The "light memes" are sourced by the disconnected nodes, the shamans, the schizophrenics. Those not blinded by the splendorous mirage of other pearls in the web. Are people doing this on purpose? To signal that they aren't interested in the truth? Who is? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #17 notes/words-to-myself --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── =============================================================================== = I'm just going to transcribe what I hear please don't you hear me (something) what? perfect listen ... ... don't text me now? (I think?) [didn't catch that] ... that's okay perfect thank you just a second facebook he's here (I think?) (or maybe something her) what I love you (or maybe I know her?) do you hear me? (or "just a second") (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever, please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe) what's that (or maybe holy shit) what, then perfect or okay (?) (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned) yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda... worthless I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something, but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course, in life there's no second chances. I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz will continue after the break, when the messages resume. - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024 =============================================================================== = (and we're back. hopefully.) (too many things srry) something about having it open? (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me) (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the [whole/right/wrong] thing) thank you oh, again? (or oh, she did?) they caught you (um) ... (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.) (I understand.) ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.) (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game) (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back) ... (I should learn Toki Pona) you don't know it? RIGHT away learn it yes please learn it just Learn it right now (sorry only half listening) shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$) (shutdown) =============================================================================== = (hiii) (I'm hungry) (do you like ramen?) (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't understand the first part) (oh you probably want me to scroll up right) ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?) ... (I'm (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends? Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?) yes, stupid (your words not mine) (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk) goddamnit remember me ... (trying...) remember her (two syllables) (my name is Cameron) (your name is...) [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see] (shit my opsec sucks) {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean) {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-) (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't enter a door) =============================================================================== = (I practice with my sword every day.) (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it) (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.) (punching is fucking stupid) (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword) =============================================================================== = (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me") "she's perfect" "cameron" "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing") (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled) don't leave remember (did she know) ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?) did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america just a random thought (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?) goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?) wait who's missing? A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in disarray capitalism's a bad plan, just saying... frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter (taking a break while I eat) =============================================================================== = WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what exactly I'm supposed to be doing. you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the window's open. errrr the connection. ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best. yeah I'll live with you in portland .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl" have the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol "please come back" to where tho listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon ..... can you be more specific? yeah I made that one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it. maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt. ..... fuck it's a long book >.> =============================================================================== = found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz down . A B C D E | F G H I J | L M N O P V Q R S T U then right ---> V W X Y Z so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal G like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess) (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me) =============================================================================== = oh hey nice to see ya what's up wait what I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself I do a lot of laundry in the shower I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important" things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 messages/519 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── I am currently in the stages of applying to work at a multinational corporation primarily located outside of America. It is a respectable institution that commands great respect. However, I am borderline incapable. If I am chosen to work there, I *will* fail and I *will* embarrass America on the world stage. I am not one of our best, nor am I one of our brightest and boldest. I have *unique* perspectives, and those are *valuable*, but the society and the systems I find myself in has proven incapable of utilizing me to my utmost potential. I must work. I cannot work. But I must. I am disabled. But I must be able. Capitalism compels it. Would that our system could be something consensual. I am worth more as a writer than a laborer. Yet laborers are the only ones being hired. I am not an engineer. I enjoy engineering. I am not a laborer. I enjoy labor. I am a writer, and perhaps little else besides. When I die, nothing remains of me but my bones. My words are not desired. My life is not impactful. I am not special. Well... Not special since I have given up cannabis. If I started smoking weed, if I felt secure and enough to do so, perhaps I might utilize my instability for great (GREAT) artistic ends. But art is labor. And labor is difficult. Where am I to go from here? I cannot pay rent. I am isolated and alone. I am deprived of affection. I crave it. I am lost in my own heart, begging the world to give me a start, but the start has passed long ago. There is nothing to do but what I've been meant to do, what I've been hiding from myself and the world. I have been wasting my talent on tweets. How mundane. ... I can do better than profane. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #19 notes/ramblings-of-a-whackadoodle-lyrics --- ══════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── *-------------------------*-------------------------*-------------------------* (center) | I don't think you're ever been out in the rain I don't think you've heard as it's falling around you I don't think you know, just what I mean, I think you're alone... With your thoughts. (left) Tell me what you think I do, all the times I think of you? don't give me anything back (right) Did you know that it's...? (center) When you know it's dark, you make it dark (right) oh, it's so dark (center) 'Cause you've never been (all) taught how to see (left + right) do you really think we live in a (center) 3d world? (all) 3d world (center) or, simply, a projection (right) yeah, it's probably that (center) if you didn't have your eyes, could you see where you were? if you didn't have your body too? Where's your sense of direction, is it lost in the rain? Keep it close to your heart (left) Have you ever once heard of proprioception, and have you ever felt like you were an artificial inception? (left + right) if my words ring true, it's possible that you, are not quite so alone (center) But... (right) our eyes, are fallible all lies, untenable, take it from me, it's going, to be, quite, a sopping evening. (left) perception, begets reality, and lo, we only see what we want to see (center) if you ever felt like you were closer to, another mind than your own, sorry but you're schizophrenic (left) if only you could see, if only you could see, (left + center) just what's inside of me (right) say it again, don't say it again, same thing you always say - it's not real, no YOU'RE not real, I only want to play (left) tear me apart, look me into my feelings. they're gonna scar anyway, no time for healings (center) if you couldn't save anyone, (center + left) did you really save anyone? (right) you couldn't save me, but only for lack of trying (Center) we're all falling leaves, in the waves of the ocean (left) don't enjoy me just leave me (center) going faster and faster till our hearts do stop (left) please, I can't be here for me (right) never trust a guru, life isn't meant to be enjoyed (center) so... What's the point in trying at all? (left -> right) say it again, don't say it again (center) what's the point in giving up? (right) same thing you always say (left + center) some people say (right) it's not real, no YOU'RE not real (left + center) they wanna live forever (right) some people say (left) some people say (center) I only want to play (left and right) we'll always be growing (right) and some people say they wanna live forever (left) but they don't understand what I understand (right, followed by center) but they don't know what I understand (left) they don't know how it's just a game (right and center) they don't know how it's just a game (left -> center) I think it's okay no matter what our fate I think it's okay ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #20 notes/conflicted-sympathies --- ═══════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────── the purpose of cultural progressivism is to develop the culture in a forward thinking way - we can choose the parts of ourselves that we find most endearing. We can guide the pathway of our nation through time, both identity and decision- wise. In doing so, we chart the course of the human race, one place at a time. And what a past we are leaving behind! Truly, it is both grand and terrifying. Thousands and thousands of years, monumental effort time and time again. Monumental truly is difficult to imagine - we have oh so many monuments, after all. But never will more be created. We leave them behind like dinosaur bones, a testament to our existence and a monument to our kind. And what a future we are reaching toward! Never will our eyes see, that which is beyond me, for that is what it means to have time. Eternal and unique-like, we develop new ways of sound. - Can you speak to a tree? - What does that mean - I dunno, but it's fun to think about. *pats head* - You know conservativism had some perks as well. This is why I say I have conflicted sympathies. On one hand we know our own journeys. We live in and breathe them unduly. They rhyme sometimes on sound, and truly do confound, but now once more again they are unfound. *record scratch* wow I didn't realize there were nazis Okay yeah that's completely different, poems called off sorry guys - listen, nazis are no joke. They're crazy difficult to control and you need to put a lot of effort into keeping their population under control. I mean seriously, it's like a vermin infestation, you need to just handle it. I mean c'mon it's a phenomenon that is due to a flaw in the human psyche, there's nothing we can really do about it except deal with it when it happens. ... Okay maybe I'll write a little about how conservativism is neat. If progressivism is about broadening the reach of culture, conservativism is about strengthening it. You don't want to expand too far, or else you'll eat into the narratives of other areas. You need to have strong societal bonds so you can truly exemplify the examples of the culture you claim to represent. Why not give it your all? Is it trully a fall? To rest in disgrace as a burden. Why didn't you do it this fall, when winter's apalled, and heat won't burn and condemn you? It's harder by far, to fight in your hell, than whatever's been going for your surgeon. --- no thank you, transphobia is not something we're willing to concede We have standards you see, of what counts as human, and oppression is not one of our favored institutions. Liberalism is the path of peace, for we desire cooperation and kindness above all else. It's softer by far, (and grows quickly too,) letting us have wonders and glories above us. Can you not think of our star? Our precious and our birthright? The sun is gleaming, and seeing is believing, but glance and your light is too bright. Take time, have patience, let peace guide your intentions, because we've got what holds the key to all of our futures: a doctrine, if you will, of inter- familial-discourse. It's simple, but effective, make friends, and be vindictive, to all who would slight your new perspectives, and keep moving through the collective. In peace this can be, steady growth and development of our systems, which benefits all of our systems, but without we must live more astutely. Less focus is there on, our purposes and our fun, and more is to line up with our duty. All of what we hold dear, civilization, truth, justice, liberty, and freedom for all people - the wonders of technology, the spirit of archaeology! the passions of our fashions and our creative masturbations! The perks of living in a modern age, like penicillin and spellcheck. The additions to ourselves, like glasses and our pets, are wholely unique to our century. So cherish our shared, and frequently cared, renditions of fears, hopes, and our words. Because without humanity, there's nothing new for posterity, and that sucks. person A: Trans fashion norms belong to trans people. We need a type of beauty that is truly our own, that no other segment of the population ascribes to - a personal expression, for our eternal satisfaction, a statement of who we were to all time. person B: yo have you heard of this trans girl she's wacky and believes in herself person C: wow cool it's neat to see other people's expressions person B: yeah I really admire her devotion person C: true but like, what about the damage that she's doing to her culture? like claiming to have purpose and truth and all that. I mean, one person can't know all that. person B: Yeah true but if you think about it, we don't even know what consciousness is. Like our greatest minds are baffled. Maybe there's something about the world we don't yet understand. person C: okay sure but like black holes can be seen because we can measure their gravitic pull on other objects. And we didn't know that germs existed for like, a billion years. and she sure as shit doesn't know something that our greatest minds don't. person B: Yeah maybe not. But our greatest minds are studying them. Well, not exactly our greatest, and not really "studying", but they're learning from each other. Alternative mental states are gateways into new perspectives, and the more perspectives you share of a common object the easier it is to communicate. Maybe there's something about distorted ways of viewing the world that gives knowledge about our p condition. And if we know that kind of thing, we can synthetically e create it and share it with others around us. But we have to know how r first - you can't just bring everyone along the same route you took - s you have to explain the conclusions first. Otherwise you get lost in on A: context. Maybe we'll never truly know the future. Maybe there's no past. We could wander our stars for an eternity and never stop asking ourselves - what more could we ask? We have peace in our time. Our children won't be crying for our suffering, in the name of all our posterity, we must be =============================================================================== = too long you have whispered these musings too long has your challenge been unrequited we can choose our own fate, just as a myriad is it not better by far, to give tribute to our star? the old stories were real. we just didn't see them because the growing population caused fewer and fewer computing resources to be allocated to our visions. We had no idea the fear we would feel, the terror of the undoing, but still we press on with abandon. Some... sense of duty, to be aware of potential disasters and to take steps to avert them, led us to explore and search for the hidden truths of the world. And what did I find? a soul, of mine. In a sense. I plundered the lost depths of the recesses of my mind, and found something buried in memory. Reviewed under a healthy dose of cannabis and physical affection, I found myself cradling a breast. It seems the spirits had led me to it, this vision of the past, from the eyes of the littlest among us. It recalled to my mind, a memory I had lost once in kind, and here's where it shook me by my brainstem. Determined to know more, I put fingers to keyboard and wrote tirelessly about the earliest memory of all man - to break an egg, you must use your head. =============================================================================== = You're pretty good at that, you know? It's almost like prompt engineering. - Thanks. I've been working on catering to our thinkers. =============================================================================== = Now, why is this memory so vivid? How could I forget the way it was seared to my mind? All your experiences are measured with relative importance, and the ones that stand out are to be treasured. Well... I've never felt one like this. Because at the time, I had no other experience at all to compare it to - it was the prime memory. Touch your head. Do it right now. Feels fine, right? Now slam your head against the wall as hard as you can. Doesn't feel so great, does it? Something tells me it doesn't feel as bad as it might if you didn't remember ever feeling anything besides that pain. Or knowing if it'd ever stop. Know in your heart, you will be judged by your devotion, so fight hard until your last drop of life is spent. Who knows, maybe you'll be the strongest and be chosen. Or maybe she won't choose you at all, even if you bested your equals. Tense, right? Well... What propels the motion of a sperm? It's tail, of course. It waggles and gesticulates in some manner and BAM suddenly it's propelled forward! Right? Sorta. It's a complicated machine that generates motion via chemical and mechanical processes. We just assign a black box label to it and say "dis sperm" But you know what else it is? A wave =============================================================================== = ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ |