=== ANCHOR POEM ===
◀─[BOOST]
  
  i wish i could say things will get better, but i think we all know that in many ways things will continue to get worse, and so grief has become a thing that lives with us. i've noticed the last few years that the more i name my social grief and let myself feel it, the less reactive and squabbly i am, and the more compassion and energy i have to care for others  
                                                                              
  *This thread is now a blog post: https://write.as/malena/nov-6-2024-the-power-of-grief  
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/6018 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 I feel so sad, like I'm missing something precious to me... I hope someone
 knows who to take it to. Like the world is just a bit darker and more mundane.
 
 ah, well, maybe it's just perception bias. When things leave your timeline
 (temporarily or permanently) they take their inertial influence with them.
 It's okay to mourn the loss of a friend, of a relic, or an opportunity. So
 long as you continue to nurture light, life, and hope wherever you go, the
 magic will return and continue to flow. If you believe that, then you know
 what faith is. easy enough...
 
 please be worth it
                                                           ──────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘

--- #2 fediverse/2104 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-192 
 
 oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
 never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
 younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
 I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
 be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
 myself.
 
 So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
 once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘

--- #3 fediverse_boost/4368 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  i don't know what works for you when it comes to grieving, but i do know that i will need your love and jokes and shared visions  to tend to mine. there is big power in leaning into our common humanity together, and in mirroring each other's deep hopes and dreams for the world. i think choosing to walk toward one another and to keep seeking connection in the face of cultural atomization is a form of faith, the kind of faith that alchemizes communities and ushers people through the worst horrors  
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #4 fediverse/2985 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: mental health MH- │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 @user-1420 
 
 I find that peer support groups are usually better for venting. At least, I
 feel less guilty doing it. With a therapist I am always trying to focus on
 actionable things and usually that means downplaying my emotions, which means
 they pay less attention to me and assume my issues aren't that bad... "you
 seem to be doing fine so we can schedule you for biweekly now? every two
 weeks?" meanwhile I'm nursing suicidal tendencies, and said so, but apparently
 if I'm not crying then it's fine... >.>
 
 but with peer groups it's like, yeah they get it. and if one person's crying,
 everyone else feels more open to crying about their stuff.
 
 sorry for venting. I'm definitely in a MH- mood today.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #5 fediverse/3434 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-minus │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
 
 also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
 
 also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
 
 also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
 lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
 learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #6 fediverse/6245 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 I broke something today that someone gave me and that I was going to give away
 as a gift. But the more I think about it, the less I think the gift's
 recipient would have wanted it. I do however regret hurting my girlfriend
 while I broke it, that was an accident. Sometimes you trip, sometimes you
 slip, and sometimes you stub your toe. Accidents happen. It's okay, just
 apologize, and realize that power is what you make of it, and we all have the
 power of our own actions as we touch and prod the environment around us where
 plants breathe.
                                                           ────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┘

--- #7 messages/531 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 "I give you my sympathy, not my empathy, for if given empathy, I should surely
 go mad with grief."
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘

--- #8 fediverse/1214 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 some day, the past will exist only in the media made in that era and the
 threads that it left in that which came later.
 
 for now, it still persists in our memories. But we shall die, and with us our
 recollections. How sad, that the eras before us shall depart upon our graves.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #9 fediverse/6350 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: suicide-mentioned-this-curse-will-give-you-nightmares-of-what-could-yet-be │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 the only thing that could make me want to end my own existence is ultimate
 betrayal. If the nature of the universe is twisted to defile me. Nothing fills
 me with more spite than unrequited vengeance.
 
 desecreation of truth. How could you.
 
 I would do anything to be struck down where I stand. Power is penance.
 
 I cannot take responsibility for any of my actions, for I am infinitely
 vulnerable on all fronts. Therefore, it's all my fault.
 
 What am I? Please, tell me before the dawn, let the sun not grace me once more.
                                                           ───┐
 similar                        chronological                        different═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┘

--- #10 fediverse/1042 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 "your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
 actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
 you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
 
 also,
 
 "my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
 have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
 said so."
 
 also,
 
 "I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
 reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
 that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
 stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
 
 also,
 
 "yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
 
 also,
 
 "every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
 conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
 conversation I can't win"
 
 also,
 
 sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #11 fediverse/6352 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┐
 ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
 │ CW: feelings-mentioned~ │                                                      │
 └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
 dear diary: sorry for the melodrama, I feel better now. I should explain why I   │
 felt this way near what I wrote about what I felt this way so that I know why    │
 I felt that way when I forget to go back and read this next year or next time    │
 I feel this way.                                                                 │
 I had a really great thanksgiving. I was on top of the world. Then, I found      │
 that a piece of art I had made which was one of my favorite pieces I had ever    │
 made might have been lost because someone didn't like me. I became despondent    │
 and started thinking about metaphysics. I got hit by a spite spell, and the      │
 tricksters behind the curtain twiddling the knobs and dials of the challenges    │
 presented to me or whatever were like "ah but what if we twisted her" and I'm    │
 like "ah I feel immense magnitude of emotions and now suddenly they're buffer    │
 overflowed and flipped around to negative two hundred thousand or whatever"      │
 ... sorry to my journal. I should be kinder to myself. I love me. I, uh, feel    │
 better now. The sharpest knives are already inside you.                          │
                                                            ─────┤
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--- #12 fediverse/6421 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 I wish I could reply to a post I was currently writing partway through writing
 the post I was writing when I thought of a reply to the post I was writing
 which was being written by me the writing writer posting on blogs about color
 tvs
                                                           ───┐
 similar                        chronological                        different═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┘

--- #13 fediverse/100 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the
 kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in
 sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what
 harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be
 gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with
 arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say
 about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes
 sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which
 would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it
 would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to
 understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but
 understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their
 viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to
 them. Empathy is like human telepathy.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #14 fediverse/4516 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 @user-1074 
 
 if anything, depression is a temporary disability, because you can and will
 work your way through it.
 
 There will come a day when you find yourself awash in love and contentment, in
 righteous determination, and stalwart resolve. Your depression will feel as
 distant a memory as the imprints of your chains.
 
 You can start walking toward that day right now. I do believe you already are.
 Have faith in yourself, trust your future, honor your past, and find grace in
 the hearts of your others.
 
 All this will pass. It gets better. You are stronger than you know, and when
 tested you will shine with a furious glow. I see this in you, I know it to be
 true, do not forget it and do not relent.
 
 But you will forget it, this I also know, for I have forgotten it many times
 before. It will come back, you will get better at that, but it takes time.
 Trust.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘

--- #15 fediverse/537 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-366 @user-367 @user-246 @user-353 
 
 Ah yes, wouldn't it be nice if everyone spoke their mind? I'm doing my part
 d=(^_^)z
 
 Thank you for adding context to what I posted. I now know better how and where
 to use it, if I ever do again. We shall see, I haven't yet read the
 examinations of the author you sent me. I'll do that before I think about the
 post again.
 
 Those 6 tabs I mentioned last night have now become 4, and soon I'll get
 through all of them - reading is a joy to me ^_^
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #16 fediverse/795 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: mh-          │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-8 
 
 I get that. I don't cry anymore except in my imagination. Sometimes it helps
 to imagine myself doing it though, like some kind of mental catharsis.
 
 the body gets left out but at least the mind is soothed.
 
 I usually am most upset when I'm lonely. Maybe you could find someone to hold
 you close? I hope you feel better sooner rather than later.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘

--- #17 fediverse/2770 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 now that the pain is healed all I want to do is spend time with him. I learned
 SO MUCH from him and then I called him a saboteur T.T
 
 (babe you're still healing)
 
 I forgave him as he was doing it but forgiveness doesn't imply that you're
 gonna stick around. I feel bad for running through.
 
 if a person tells you what to do and then hurts you, you should probably do
 the opposite right? that's just pavlovian - resist pain, avoid pain, remove
 pain.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #18 fediverse/4068 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
 
 yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
 it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
 
 the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
 
 during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
 stalin
 
 never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
 else we fall into shame and despair.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘

--- #19 fediverse/4810 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 I can type my thoughts 1000x more coherently than I can speak them. Hence why
 I post here.
 
 feels useless to speak 1on1 - feels insular to speak to a group. Hence why I
 speak here, which is totally public that anyone might see, and somehow I feel
 so much more productive engaging in an endless conversation with myself.
 
 you can't win a war by walking in circles...
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────┘

--- #20 fediverse/4000 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 @user-889 
 
 Don't give up!
 
 At least... not forever.
 
 It's okay to take a breath every once in a while
 
 It's okay to lie down and cry
 
 The only way away from those feelings is through. They've enveloped you. You
 need to swallow them whole, like a sponge soaking up dirt[y water]
 
 the only thing you need to think about is what's around you. It's okay to be
 alone for a moment, it's the best time to feel.
 
 Remember, feeling is how you know the world! It's your power, to feel, and I
 know it's hard. Everyone has different powers, but yours is this.
 
 You'll be okay, I know it
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘

--- #21 fediverse/3426 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 my grandpa died. now I have none.
 
 I realized I miss old people. I miss their friendly culture.
 
 I realized I hadn't talked to him for a decade or so. He didn't know I
 transitioned.
 
 I wonder if he missed me. I realized he missed seeing who I became. Is it
 unfair of me to not give him the opportunity to know me? truly?
 
 ... I am quite different now than I was 10 years ago. He probably doesn't
 remember.
 
 I miss him, but I hardly knew him. I don't like that feeling.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #22 fediverse/1609 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mh-              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1043 
 
 I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
 and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
 completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
 stood there and thought
 
 and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
 strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
 guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
 failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘

--- #23 fediverse/1331 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 @user-803 
 
 if someone does not consent to helping you bear their emotional burdens, but
 you insist anyway... that seems to be the narcissism you mentioned
 
 if someone does consent, then they're helping a friend. Or they're being a
 therapist for them.
 
 sometimes we can't help but be overcome by emotions. In those moments I find
 it's usually best to retreat to a safe space and hide out for a bit until the
 storm passes, then maybe return to the world a bit more fatigued but less...
 spicy.
 
 those moments show that you need more emotional support, both from yourself
 and from others. If the people in your life cannot help you, and you cannot
 help yourself... then yeah you're probably gonna hurt people around you. Plan
 as such and figure out how to still be a good person, it's up to each of us to
 do it in our own way.
 
 ... at least, that's how I look at it for my own life, feel free to disagree
 or anything
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘

--- #24 fediverse/5636 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
 screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
 
 and all they saw were the outtakes.
 
 I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
 
 but they never talk to me
 
 so they don't know me.
 
 oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
 
 who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
 story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
                                                           ──────────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────┘

--- #25 fediverse/861 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I
 could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and
 forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a
 disaster, anyway how's your lunch?
 
 [that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth]
 
 reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored
 matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would
 determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies.
 
 I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time
 you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll
 only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to
 you...
 
 once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that
 only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the
 elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘

--- #26 fediverse/2654 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I'm not bitter, you're bitter. >.>
 
 ... okay, take a breath, you're fine. It's hard to handle negative feelings
 when you're alone because other people can't boost you up. We rely on each
 other for emotional stability, but when you're alone you can only feel your
 emotions at the same rate as your thoughts. And your thoughts need to process
 the events you're experiencing, using emotion as an "encoding" for preserving
 the "meaning" of your life's story. Bit by bit you learn new things, while
 living through life, and the lessons you learn from them are generated from
 the cognitive conclusions reached by cognitively interpreting emotional
 reactions to each moment. like "this-or-that thing happened and I feel
 that-or-this way, meaning I should act such-and-such way in the future when
 presented with situations that bear similarity to this current one that's
 ongoing."
 
 ... turn it upside down, right, makes sense mastodon feed. thanks for
 redirecting me in a different direction through your pseudo-randomized input.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #27 fediverse/2489 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 in peacetime, one may live as they define. they can be kooky and precious and
 beautiful and kind. sometimes, though, that opportunity is taken away, and
 suddenly life fades from view and all you are left with is perfect clarity.
 
 I'd like to clarify why I feel the way I do about the situation at hand.
 
 there are three reasons, so I think I'll put them in five posts, including
 this one.
 
 [1/5]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #28 fediverse_boost/5655 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  I'm crying over the fact, that me, or folks around me aren't capable of organizing jailbreaks.   
                                                                              
  And we aren't even trying 😢                                                 
                                                                              
  I clearly have been taken major wrong steps in my life that I ended where I am now.   
                                                                              
  I am sorry.                                                                 
                                                                              
  Yes sure we say abolish prisons, but without attack it will never materialize.  
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #29 fediverse/2417 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 @user-1265 
 
 I can't reassure you about the "place", but the "times" are getting better. We
 stand now at the apex of their cruelty, and all it takes to reach the bright
 future is to keep moving forward.
 
 unfortunately, the future always comes, but it comes unevenly and not fully
 distributed. but it will come to all, this I swear.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #30 fediverse/2154 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-1180 
 
 in moments of intensity, CWs are often considered optional because of how
 important the story feels. It should not be the default to be so open, but
 sometimes in those moments it's good when you're not primed and ready for a
 subject, to visit other social media presences that you've cultivated across
 the internet, in order to see how different people will post.
 
 I try to CW all my posts but sometimes I forget. Or I run out of characters,
 and the CW takes up characters, so......
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘

--- #31 fediverse/4415 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: uspol        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 [6/5]
 And now, several months after I made this post, I feel no less inspired. From
 within me burns a fire and I cannot restrain it any longer.
 
 Their numbers are not that much larger. We have many advantages they do not
 possess. Use them to your advantage, but do not neglect the necessary losses.
 Fight back with your fists if you must, but do try and fight back with your
 purses.
 
 We are all in this together, each child woman and man. We live on a planet
 together, and they have forced us to fight for our very lives.
 
 Our fates are calling. We will get stronger. We will overcome.
 
 They are at their zenith. We can only get higher. Fight until the last day!
 Today is the day to be inspired.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘

--- #32 fediverse/2596 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I get it. I don't care to live in a world like this. Consider this a suicide
 note, though I will not die by my own hand. This I swear.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #33 fediverse/1953 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-470 
 
 You're absolutely right, would that we could.
 
 I'm lucky I wasn't traumatized in that way. It's my job to tell people who
 care about pleasantries more than action that they should... y'know, care
 about action
 
 but it couldn't be done by someone who received a critical hit every time they
 were attacked in that spot.
 
 I have my own weak-points of course, for example my fear of isolation (like,
 not having any friends, not being alone. I live alone!)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘

--- #34 fediverse/3347 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 @user-1508 
 
 I do this. I'm sorry. I try to avoid it, but sometimes I'm like 40 characters
 above the limit and I can't find a way to edit my poem down so I just
 screenshot the bottom part and continue the text in the alt-text.
 
 Please let me know if I can do anything better. Like should I add a notice at
 the start of the alt-text like "this is a continuation of the post in
 screenshot form. There are negative 40 characters remaining. Here is the text:
 blah blah blah" or should I just continue the text without an explanation?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘

--- #35 messages/1071 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 Technically, I'm a widow, because i married my cat when i was young. She died
 sometime later. We used to sleep in the same bed.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #36 fediverse/169 ---
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 @user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
 me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
 did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
 encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
 language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #37 fediverse/4171 ---
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 me, waking up in the morning and reading my own posts
 
 alright what's the damage this time
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--- #38 fediverse/2986 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: negative-mental-health-mentioned-police-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I think the reason I feel so lonely is because I don't feel wanted.
 
 people tend to like me, but that just means I'm acceptable to their social
 standards.
 
 I don't think I improve rooms that I enter. I think I make them worse.
 
 or maybe I'm just upset because capitalism. When I run out of savings in a few
 months, I'm going to kill myself, unless something changes, which I'm sure it
 will. Gonna try and say yes to things -
 
 suddenly receives a text message recruiting for uniformed police officers at
 the department of homeland security
 
 wait shit I take it back
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--- #39 notes/i-called-the-police ---
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 /u/GravitationalWaves5 -> sat dec 17 2022
 
 I'm venting some long built up shit. And I have a lot of violent emotions
 built
 up in this too. I hate that violence has been such a fucking plague on my 
 wellbeing and that's why I did something I really hate doing. Calling the
 police
 to handle a situation for me. It's not me, it's not my style, but neither is 
 violence. It comes my way a lot and I handle it. But I think that's why 
 spiritually I end up in positions to handle it, because I don't retaliate and 
 I'm clear headed enough to understand minimum force necessary to quickly stop 
 the threat. That's actually where I got the name on my Quora page,
 Compassionate
 Violence.
 
 I'm a very very non violent person. I don't fantasize about hurting people.
 I'm
 freaked out by the idea of accidentally hurting someone, hitting them in the 
 wrong place, someone trips and hits their head...any number of things can 
 horribly wrong in tense and dynamic moments.
 
 I don't participate in that shit. I don't tolerate it. Unless it gets brought 
 into my environment then I will pick up by the throat and toss it out.
 
 I had to call the police to handle this. Last time I had a situation at the
 same
 place I wound up frantically getting a gun cocked that was zipped up in a bag, 
 and barely getting it up in time. When I walked away after that, I threw my
 gun
 at his feet and said, "I'm protected by faith, at least, I'm completely
 unafraid
 of dying. If I don't have people to protect then I don't need a gun." And I 
 walked away letting him know he's not my people anymore and not under my watch.
 
 So there's a hint of the kind of person I'm dealing with. I can't go handle
 this
 shit tonight. I've been stewing for a couple weeks trying to simmer down, give 
 him a chance to correct it. And he failed, more than once. And I have a 
 legitimate fear that my emotional state could be compromised enough, that I 
 might just stick a knife in his throat if I handle it.
 
 Just like that. Easy peasy lemon squeazy. Stick stick stick, easy, that's
 three
 knives in the throat....see what I mean? I'm processing some
 intensity...😔😔😔
 
 I hate it. I hate that I'm using the word hate. But it's real. I don't hate
 him.
 I really don't, at all. I'm actually really saddened by how the relationship 
 went. I hate that people act like this. I hate that people put me in positions 
 like this. I hate that I'm doing something out of character, as a safety
 measure
 against doing something irrevocably out of character.
 
 Ugh... damnit fuck
 
 I'm not a robot. I do experience these awful feelings. I don't act out on them 
 and I'm grateful for that.
 
 My muse... you said something about spiders that was interesting. Especially 
 because it coincided with a problem I faced numerous times. Being put in a 
 position where a person is legitimately acting in a manner like they're trying 
 to get you to kill them. And it's happened a couple times in ways where I
 really
 couldn't tell if they knew what they were doing or not. I had a really crazy 
 perspective a little before you brought up spiders...
 
 I want to explore that perspective, and I want to know what sparked you to say 
 that about spiders. I never did put in the time to finish that thought process 
 out. But I'll never forget your great advice. "We're not in a simulation." My 
 immediate thought was, "probably not, but are they?" The more important
 takeaway
 is, remember not to murder people. Especially don't do it because you had an 
 interesting idea about perspective...
 
 A few days later I heard that four people in recent times have acted on those 
 thoughts. Turned out they weren't in a simulation either. Lol...well...dark
 lol.
 Lol
 
 I do want to finish that spiders conversation though. It had some potentially, 
 actually useful and beneficial implications.
 
 I called the police tonight. But I also earned a prestigious award from the 
 universe. My Trophy [editor's note: there's a link to a crudely photoshopped 
 medallion signifying that the author "didn't murder anyone today"]
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 /r/randomevenings:
 
    I want you to understand something that I don't believe you do there is a 
    very big difference between trusting what a friend says after building a 
    friendship over a long period of time which involves trust involves a level 
    of intimacy platonic and intimacy it's something that is very special to
    have
    a good friend and so you trust them now that's very different from being 
    directed to do something trusting a friend is going to tell the truth it's 
    not being directed to do something and I don't want you to get it in your 
    many heads that's I was directed to go to some place where the event that I 
    was assured would be there was instead a bus full of very irate rude and 
    technically lawbreaking because they threaten my life they said if I did not
    leave where I was standing which was on the public right of way which is the
    sidewalk the easement stops at the sidewalk and so they were wrong on that 
    score but they said if I didn't leave the area which didn't make sense
    either
    because it's just around the corner they would have 12 people try to jump
    me
    which doesn't make sense either because this is not the neighborhood where 
    you want to start something because then it'll be something besides I never 
    want to murder anyone but that doesn't mean I walk around with nothing in
    my
    pocket because of what I've done and what I continue to do on one of the
    most
    watched people on earth so you goddamn right I'm not going to be stupid
    about
    taking a walk but when these guys threaten me I just stood there stared him
    down I said yeah okay and I just looked I stood there and it didn't phase
    me
    one bit no feeling of fear no worry and what I was satisfied with getting my
    message across that I didn't give a shit I turn around and walked back home 
    and they sped off in fact they were so perturbed by my lack of fear they 
    wanted to throw out additional threats which I thought was kind of funny so
    I
    started laughing I'm sure that they weren't going to do anything because the
    tone in their voice simply wasn't committed to carrying out what they were
    threatening and besides I have so many friends in this neighborhood it would
    be well I don't have to pull any triggers I don't have to do anything but 
    defend myself I don't have to willfully respond with disproportionate
    ability
    because in this neighborhood I don't have to in fact as I walked around the 
    block again I ran into a friend and we got to talking and he came up to my 
    place and we had a beer He's a smart guy always thought that he could know 
    and understand everything that I do and everything that I did it just so 
    happened that he wasn't born with some of the privileges that I had but his
    brain is a beautiful thing and I respect it greatly and of course he 
    confirmed that if a finger ever got laid on me without my consent the whole
    damn neighborhood would come down and I suppose that point is not in my
    hands
    anymore but always remember I went over there because I trusted a friend
    they
    were directed to be there they did not understand their voices did not relay
    or what is necessary to wake up at least yet time will tell but I hope that
    I
    can pull you back down to earth and into an interest in ethics once again 
    because you sorely need it.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I am interested in ethics. I'm just, tired of having them tested to such 
 ridiculous extremes. It was about to really bad one day with this guy. I was 
 scared, I had to end the problem. So I walked out and said let's bury this
 shit.
 And I stuck two knives against my throat and said, here man, grab the big 
 handle. Let's do this together. Take one, I'll take the other let's just shove
 them in...
 
 He got all calm suddenly and says, I don't wanna fight anymore...🤦
 
 It sucks man. We're being tested by society. Demons, in my opinion. Not the 
 people themselves. I don't see people as demons. But the things they'll put
 you
 through, do to you, say to you, your own thoughts about them, about yourself,
 oftentimes just misunderstanding the situation too... demons
 
 Again, not demonizing the people. But the circumstances, for sure.
 
 /u/[deleted]
 
    Demons. Kicked one outta my telly for talking smack abt some hg’s he was 
    jelly of. Not on my watch Demon. Not even for the good demonic topper
    twisted
    shit D. Demon had a long walk home in the cold. Demon confused potting soil
    with gravel and did it’s best to fucker me in its own way. Never have I
    ever
    seen a grown demon egg topper fold like that as I did when I clarified
    their
    sentiments and gave several impressive “I said GIT BOYs” to demon. Not
    on my
    watch. I have a vibrator that is morally and ethically aligned with me I 
    don’t need your trauma and love bombing thieving D. Gtfo.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I have a vibrator that is ethically and morally aligned with me 🤣[laughing
 face]
 
 I support that!
 
 Gets better. His ish was weak literally from day 1. So I did him a favour amd 
 levelled his game up, introduced him to a former friend I partied with a bit 
 this summer. They wasn’t for me but oh boy lil demon stuck like glue to his
 new
 bestie. Can’t put her down, so to speak. So he has that at least. Poor sap.
 Gon
 cost him big one day perhaps. Not my problem. It’s called self control bro
 try
 it 🥴🥴🥴[wobbly confused face - or maybe uncertain] Oopsie Daisy. Have
 fun with
 that though 😈
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
 People deserve to choose righteousness once made aware of it. Ignorance is not
 stupidity. People can be made aware of the valley that separates righteousness 
 from evil. The valley is kinda a wiggle room space for little white lies and 
 other such things free will invariably leads to people doing but can be made 
 whole again with some effort. Nobody will totally agree on what's good. But
 ask
 people and generally they will give versions of the same answers. Toss the 
 semantics in the valley. Disagreement is the desire to end a disagreement,
 unless that person is trolling. And people pull pranks fine, but there's
 ragging
 on your friends and swatting a COD player.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I don't know what righteousness truly even means, maybe, idk. To be honest,
 it's
 not hard for me to think of hypothetical situations where my inability to take
 certain actions is actually more harmful. Swatting a COD player is super
 fucked.
 But so is not swatting someone playing COD out in the streets.
 
 I'm not good. I'm just not, anti good. I do destructive things on accident when
 trying otherwise. And when I do something that actually goes positive, it's
 accidental too.
 
 I have an idea of what I feel like aligns with me, and it's actually really 
 achievable things and I don't know why it's so impossible. Idk
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
    Yeah well let me know that there are two Elizabeth's and there are also a 
    completely different family on this phone plan I don't have kids My 
    brother-in-law has kids lives downstairs so those piped into my network are 
    assumed that I have kids and I've done all this shit no I'm not going to go 
    into any apparent charges and things that my brother-in-law has been
    involved
    in because it's not my business but he lives down there and he has a kid he 
    has another kid and he pays for essentially his ex who is still married to
    the kid the mortgage of that house Liz downstairs helps raise his kid with a
    woman he's having an affair with but they were in an over marriage anyway
    and
    they are separate I'm going to have to go back to subnetting my network so 
    y'all can at least use basic logic to figure out who's who here I already 
    gave my name My Elizabeth see the cousin we call little Elizabeth and my
    wife
    we call Liz or Beth and she's older my wife. She has contentious
    relationship
    with her cousin next door for a reason that gravity waves might already know
    but it has to do with the very evil person that also involves himself over 
    there that did something that even Jesus does not forgive so I'm not going
    to
    go into it so all this mucking around and get everybody confused brought up
    a
    lot of bad fucking shit just like I said as far as spiders yeah I don't care
    if they're All over my shit keep them off of her shit and I ain't asking for
    money I'm not a grifter but I already told you what would instantly make the
    situation better and it doesn't involve giving me money so before anybody 
    goes off says money no I know about the discord and I'm not even telling you
    to shut it down just lay off her phone.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 ===============================================================================
 =
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 [author's note: on the comments of the separate post of the original poster's
  medal awarding him the honor of "not murdering anyone today" which he won   ]
 
 /u/TisWuttItIS_ORITSknot
 
    Proud of you!
 
 /u/mustherd
 
    Sorry, my account got banned because reddit is annoying. We were just 
    chatting about how funny I am and I forgot to tell you people know me and
    I'm
    kinda a big deal and idk congrats! Youre cool I guess. Otherwise I would
    have
    cast you into the flames of eternal torment never to internet again. But
    here
    you are. Didn't anyone ever tell you to never go full retard?
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I am the internet, I am the ghost in the machine
 
 Real talk though. I've used cancelled Sim cards and wifi before. If God wants
 me
 online, God gets me online 🙃
 
 I am we, Todd
 
 /u/ricflairdic
 
 Oh u we Todd! I know u retard, Familiarity cod, to me bod, And my fishin rod,
 Not the one that may see sod, Body snatcher in the pink pod, Do u know ur a 
 catch or, U think dog, Cause that pussy, Wanna see god, Lemme show u regard, 
 Dont Tell me, Just nod,
 
 Said flow from the stars, Mama know this river far, Rowin in trucks renta cars,
 Golden trim red rockin Mars, Buildin fam like stock Sim cards, Highest angels
 dock gettin ours, Clock Game down pat benetar,
 
 Peelin fans off our back, like sin scars, Feelin ur man thru static, And thin 
 bars, Ya he in the pin but dis hits hard, Throw it down the lane like, Return 
 that back to sender, Lovin your simulation renders, I'm a beginner but also an 
 ender, Got the wood to make u splinter, Make u scream things we gotta sensor,
 If
 I could never leave when I enter, Union in your head not just a renter, Once 
 mine One mind I surrender, never sell betray or rent her, Overflowin with Love,
 so who's the pretender?
 
 Chemistry so hot, Hate from every enemy we spot, Mad they couldn't earn our 
 slot, Cause they fuckin missed they shot, Last name crossed to drop the dot,
 How
 long u think it will take me To find your spot?
 
 Don't care you got a Fender, Did we just become best friends or? Damn girl idk 
 if ya'll ready, for this kinda real Adventure... 🙃
 
 I'm here to reveal, heal, and steal, the hearts Of the indentured
 
 And I need a partner.
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--- #40 messages/177 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 There's no potential left of me. I am a husk, a shadow of my former
 possibilities. None left to manifest, and so I huddle in the shade of what
 once was ambition as I wait for the silence to take hold.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #41 fediverse/2330 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 You cannot debase me, well, you can try. But for each of my past mistakes I've
 learned from, and I can explain in detail how, when, and why.
 
 To err is to be human, and some errors are more painful than others. Believe
 me, I know.
 
 I am only as good as my lessons, the things that I've learned on the road.
 
 And I never stop learning.
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--- #42 fediverse/2919 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: imaginary-conversation-that-didn't-happen-tee-hee │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "you can't be a paladin anymore because you don't practice with your weapon
 every day"
 
 I don't have room in my home to practice though : (
 
 "go to the fucking park you weasel"
 
 I don't want anyone to see me swinging a sword around! they might call the
 cops, or worse, judge me for it!
 
 "you want judgement eh well just wait until your opponent judges your
 swordsmanship lacking then you'll find out what judgement tastes like as he
 shoves your entrails down your throat"
 
 I'm sorry I'll practice more T.T
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--- #43 fediverse/1381 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
 was a bit starved for attention.
 
 but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
 for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
 give so that you don't leave me.
 
 Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
 absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
 die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #44 fediverse/2731 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 I can 100% relate, to all of this.
 
 we are multifaceted. all people are.
 
 on social media, you follow someone for a particular facet, and if they don't
 like your other facets well then it wasn't meant to be.
 
 there's also no shame in pruning people who post things that upset you or that
 aren't interesting.
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--- #45 fediverse/4557 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: political-violence-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 in regards to the high-profile assassination in the news recently, the
 question we should be asking is not "how does his family feel about his
 passing" but rather
 
 "how did the shooter learn where he was going to be and at what time"
 
 because one of those is valuable, the other humanizes a legitimate monster
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--- #46 fediverse/4995 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 Went outside today for the first time in a week to take out my trash to the
 bin. Dunno why but I've been feeling a little down about my apartment, and how
 they can just take my home from me because I oh hang on I wrote a poem about
 this one sec: [boosts old poem]
I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to fucking pay me for it.  I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah, they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven. How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent life lived under this particular roof?  I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night? Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make you uncomfortable?  Have a decent life.
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--- #47 fediverse/507 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Good night, I sure hope I'm the same person in the morning and not an
 assassinated version of myself that has been produced through the manufactured
 proceedings of an LLM or otherwise self computerized contriving designed to
 align to the purpose of my expression (with a few added caveats)! Talk to you
 later, I love you all! Wait, I don't know you. How can I love you? Easy, it's
 my default. Anyway goodnight, sleep is death and dreams are the bounty of
 reality.
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--- #48 fediverse/4041 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health    │
 └──────────────────────┘


 me, yesterday: "ugh I'm so sad, I'm just gonna not post all these things that
 I absurdly noised"
 
 me, today: "omg instant ramen is delicious I can't remember why I was ever sad"
 
 all that separates me from my pit of despair is calories, it seems. Empty ones
 too! I should probably handle that haha
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--- #49 fediverse/3401 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 @user-1218 
 
 thank you, that's good to hear 🥰
 
 EDIT: I was worried for a moment haha I guess my reach is pretty small so idk.
 I think people stopped screenshotting my posts and putting them elsewhere
 after I dashed everyone's hopes on my sleeve. And honestly I kinda deserve it
 haha like what was I even thinking
 
 ... I wasn't thinking I was just feeling, and doing. Oh well.
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--- #50 fediverse/825 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's        │
 like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present.     │
 but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later,   │
 TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events.     │
 Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events.      │
 yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a   │
 weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period     │
 of time, measured in terms of engagement"]                                       │
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like            │
 obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if   │
 not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy   │
 of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too,    │
 like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter                                │
 ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that        │
 nobody ca                                                                        │
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--- #51 fediverse/1052 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-suicide-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────┘


 alright America, I hate to put too fine a point on it but you either need to
 kill capitalism or kill yourself.
 
 {via global warming and fascism, if it wasn't obvious}
 
 Obviously, there's only one correct answer, and if you pick wrong then you'll
 be stone forevermore. Stones are fucking useless.
 
 so... how to get from point A to point B... well, let me know in the comments,
 like comment and subscribe, share with your friends, and then go back to
 sleep. Yeah, thatll help. That'll fix things. im-doing-my-part.jpg
 
 really though, all you can really do is get ready. prepare for whatever you'd
 like, the future will always surprise you. Take solace in your friendships,
 and build connections to others where you can. Make friends abroad, make
 friends nearby, make friends with your garden, your home, your dog, make
 friends with the postman or the lady who makes you coffee. but most
 importantly, just be yourself. be who you were meant to be. don't ever
 apologize for sincerity, it's insincere.
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--- #52 fediverse/1721 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 I'd like to apologize to everyone I've ever interacted with in the past. It
 was unfair of me to interact with you, and I will do my best to not hurt you
 again in that way.
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--- #53 fediverse/3058 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 @user-1441 @user-670 @user-113 
 
 currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
 "can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
 no thanks, guess I'll die
 
 (in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
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--- #54 fediverse/5452 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: all-cops-are-bastards-mentioned-personal-ramblings-and-complainings-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I never rest. Not mentally. I find it sooooo much harder to get moving again
 once I'm asleep.
 
 But I've been sleeping lately, because it's "good for me" or whatever. Because
 I'm "burnt out and need to heal" or something.
 
 Damnit why is it so much harder to stop snuggling someone than it is to pack
 up a tent?
 
 I'm like the guy in Hot Fuzz, that one really good movie about cops. oops cops
 mentioned one second.
 
 I'm always moving, but, I hardly ever seem to be able to get anything done.
 Why is that? Is the work just... endless? Am I ever a slave to my
 surroundings? Or am I just cursed with a mortal form, a form destined to toil
 in whatever way it finds itself contextualized in?
 
 Maybe I should just stop complaining. Maybe work is it's own reward or
 whatever. I don't think I'm depressed anymore, although good luck getting me
 to feel any emotions except focus, and the call to intercede on another's
 behalf.
 
 I don't have time for this. >.
                                                           ───────────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘

--- #55 fediverse/421 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 one of my duties is to make you aware of potentially bad things, cursed
 things, hurtful things and hard feelings, so that they are less able to harm
 you.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #56 fediverse/6250 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 Dear my future self: I'm sorry for all the things that I do. I hope you
 appreciate the gifts I leave you. Thank you for never giving up, and I trust
 you to take care of me and the things I care about. I'm proud of what you've
 done with me, and I'm hopeful that one day I'll be just a bit like you.
                                                           ────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┘

--- #57 fediverse/1259 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 @user-895 
 
 hi! I'm Ritz Menardi, I'm a little strange. I sometimes post scary things on
 here. I try to put content warnings on everything intense, but sometimes it
 gets a little out of hand and I forget... I'm also a poet. Spiritual at best,
 a little schizophrenic at worse, but at all times I try to be true to myself.
 If you don't like the vibes I 100% won't be upset if you unfollow / block me
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘

--- #58 fediverse/363 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: Kinda lewd; half-joking; playful │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-258 
 
 most people are scared to respond to others because they think what they're
 saying is posted on some public, immutable record of their existence.
 Meanwhile I revel in that circumstance by posting about whatever I want to
 talk about. I tend to assume that most people do the same, so when I saw your
 post I assumed you wanted to talk about hydration, hence the in-depth nature
 of my replies _^
 
 plus I thought your joke was funny and it made me laugh out loud
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #59 fediverse/2651 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 kinda tempted to make like, 20 different accounts on like, 20 different
 mastodon instances and just have them repost all of the things I've written in
 the past one-by-one-by-one until someone notices and calls me out on it
 
 might get some more conversation, at least
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #60 fediverse/1650 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 @user-1052 
 
 am depressed... though I care less for society's opinions and more for my
 adherence to my ethical morals. same effect different reason when it's time to
 shame myself.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘

--- #61 fediverse/1889 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-1091 
 
 I'm sorry I didn't mean to be upsetting! I'll try and be more considerate. If
 everyone agrees there's never anything to talk about besides how great
 everyone else is, and that's boring, so... I'm sorry I thought you liked what
 I was saying from the stars on my comments.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘

--- #62 fediverse/3860 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: drugs-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 since I quit cannabis like, a month ago or whatever, my artistic output has
 dropped by ~90%
 
 my house is a little cleaner, but I still feel consistent spikes of negative
 emotions.
 
 I still have trouble with all the same things I used to, like buying
 groceries, filling hormone prescriptions (seriously why is it EVERY month
 jeezzz) and working on productive projects
 
 I still spend hours staring at the wall begging myself to do anything else,
 like a prisoner in my own form
 
 I still feel like all the delusional thinking is still around (kinda hard to
 tell haha who would have thought) but I'm seriously missing the magical
 thinking, which was basically the same only it was fun and silly and positive.
 Now there's only negativity.
 
 I'm still hyper-critical of myself and others, I still make myself and others
 feel like shit, and I'm still a bad person who believes all the right things
 but still can't seem to make a positive impact in people's lives.
 
 I'm so tired of failing -> learned helplessness T.T
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘

--- #63 fediverse/2297 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 Lying wide awake at night with things that I want to say drifting through my
 mind one by one
 
 getting up to write them down? forgetting them all.
 
 I think I'm just gonna leave my computer online to reduce friction hehe.
 
 up and down, till everyone's in town, maybe I'll nap between tweets.
 
 [they're called toots here, dummy]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #64 fediverse/2367 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 Just woke up from a short nap.
 
 I had a dream. I was riding on the subway, or maybe a light rail train, and
 inbetween stops a lady knocked on the window to be let in.
 
 The train was stopped for some reason, perhaps to let another one through, so
 all it would have taken was to open the door.
 
 I pushed the button. I talked to the operator. He wouldn't open the door.
 
 The train started moving, and the woman started pleading. She ran alongside it
 as long as her elderly legs could carry her, but then there was another train
 behind her.
 
 I saw her disappear between two and when mine stopped at the next legally
 designated spot, her little dog was sitting there, waiting for me, under a
 blanket made of her shawl. It was a dream, after all, and there were two more
 there comforting her. for the loss of her friend.
 
 He could have opened the door. They wouldn't let him.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #65 fediverse/2057 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-1071 
 
 if you work too fast, your ideas will run out and you'll be drawn elsewhere.
 
 It's not a tragedy, it's the finishing of the project. Relish it, and learn
 what you can before springing in a new directory, full of vigor and ready for
 a new thought.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #66 fediverse/709 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 @user-530                                                                        │
 I get it.                                                                        │
 Anyone with a disability or chronic condition gets it. Anyone who's oppressed    │
 gets it... I think everyone here gets it. It's hard.                             │
 Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is the hope, the idea      │
 that one day the world might be brighter and the people might be kinder. It      │
 gets better every day, but inching ahead takes a while to travel for miles...    │
 We need to protect and care for each other. We need to apply ourselves toward    │
 what we know and are passionate for - an unused degree is a tragedy to me.       │
 I don't know what to say. I read what you said and I wished I could help. I      │
 want to take the system that hurt you and break it on the floor. I want to       │
 sweep it all aside and start from scratch, but screaming into the void will      │
 hardly accomplish that. I dream of true justice, a world where everyone gets     │
 what they want... But frankly right now I just wish you could hear. I'm sorry.   │
 Maladies are not solved by the pen nor the sword, which for now is all that I    │
 have at my disposal.                                                             │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #67 fediverse/2628 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: leadership-tactics-response-to-loss │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────┘


 the problem with figureheads is that they can be assassinated.
 
 when your leadership is dealt a crushing blow, how do you react? how do you
 adjust to pain, loss, and despair? the snake can be killed with a shovel - a
 hydra with infinite heads cannot be killed by blade alone.
 
 can you still act without them? what if your directives go silent for a bit?
 is your agency lost, or can you still complete your objectives?
 
 when people rally behind a person, that person is not long for this world,
 because people are fragile and soft.
 
 when people rally behind an idea, that idea can never die so long as they
 continue to share it.
 
 the worst part about being trans is that our numbers are limited by biology.
 thank god ideas have no such limitations.
 
 I've been sleeping all day. think I might sleep a bit more.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #68 fediverse/1438 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: suicide-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 if you're gonna kill yourself anyway, might as well throw yourself at a cause
 you believe in. Ideally the kind that requires repeated attendance and lots of
 opportunities to make friends or forge communal bonds with people who can help
 you.
 
 honestly, what do you have to lose? sure it's hard, but nothing worth doing is
 easy. If it were, someone else would have done it already.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘

--- #69 fediverse/586 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-419 
 
 the smell of decay is the smell of creation, as life is recycled into that
 which gives birth to new forms
 
 so... that smell is probably me, I haven't showered in a while. sorry.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #70 fediverse/908 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 @user-246                                                                        │
 toooooo far, gotta stick with your intentions for the process. If you mark       │
 "the end of time" as the conclusion for everything, then "finishing things"      │
 feels impossible. In such a case there are moments of acute burnout as you       │
 push yourself toward something that you have no faith in - you cannot see it's   │
 conclusion, so surely it's worthless to conceive of. Alas, why bother            │
 starting, nothing will ever come of my efforts!                                  │
 Much better to name it based on what you'd like to accomplish, so that you can   │
 follow in it's radiant footsteps.                                                │
 Side note, but governments have often weaponized this effect by naming things    │
 after very inspirational thoughts - corporations do it too, and in both cases    │
 the meaning is separate from the effect. Which is frustrating because it makes   │
 you feel like a jerk for arguing against it! Ah better I think when names have   │
 no meaning - then you can project whatever you want onto it, based on the        │
 results of that particular feeling or emotion that you perceived as the          │
 affected of the                                                                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┴──────────┘

--- #71 fediverse/1607 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 @user-1037 
 
 Okay I'll add you to my friends list so everytime I'm thinking about memories
 of people by looking through the people I'm connected with on each platform
 I'll remember you and our short quest to uncover the secret of the
 thing-I-might-have-dreamed
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘

--- #72 fediverse/3444 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with
 cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the
 characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days.
 
 side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes
 police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay
 minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of
 sore losers storming the capital with guns.
 
 it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #73 fediverse/4162 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: violence-mentioned-politics-alluded-to │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "you can't kill me because nothing I say is wrong"
 
 ... actually I kinda just think you look weird, and thats super important to
 me for some reason. Also your voice is annoying and I think you're lazy
 because I saw someone who kinda looks like you sitting down looking at their
 phone this one time.
 
 But hey pal if you wanna help out, can you stand a bit to the left so I have a
 clearer shot of your head and also so the bullet doesn't pass through and hit
 property behind you? Don't want to damage anything important after all.
 
 "gee I sure wish we had a well regulated militia or something"
 
 ah well the past is the past, and since this is in a potential near future, I
 think the past also includes the present, and in the present there's always
 time to do things about people like me.
 
 "do something? heavens no, I'm a pacifist by nature"
 
 well, me too! I pacify things like you as a hobby. Can't make trouble if
 you're in the ground, and knowing me, you'd be lucky to be buried.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘

--- #74 fediverse/1430 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 if you don't like me anymore, and then you hide yourself from me instead of
 telling me, I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering if you're still
 alive.
 
 It's a curse you bestow upon me, and it's worse than saying goodbye.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘

--- #75 fediverse/3491 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 @user-620 
 
 "hey I have an idea let's poke a wounded animal with sharp teeth until it
 feels like it's backed into a corner because it's been spending the past
 couple years ruminating and telling itself that we want to kill it and it's
 children"
 
 it doesn't matter what the truth is - they believe what they want.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #76 fediverse/1774 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-898 
 
 the wounds of the soul can be just as harmful as the wounds of the heart, and
 both can be helped with campfires.
 
 what's worse, they often harm people around you rather than the wounds of the
 body, which typically only harm you. Unless you have like, the plague or
 something and you might spread it to others or something like that.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #77 fediverse/3953 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 "she just... didn't even try to hide it. She was so matter of fact about it."
 
 eh, well, you know, we have the internet now. So everything's normalized.
 
 "I guess but it still felt strange."
 
 yeah, she's in her own social media bubble which is entirely separate from
 yours. So to her, it's normal, but to you it seems shocking.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘

--- #78 fediverse/4180 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 @user-1639 
 
 or nobody sees it, because you post the things you say on the internet in 2024
 which is so siloed and echo-chambered that the only people who hear it say
 "tru tho" and "she just like me fr" and never change because of your words
 
 ... wait that's just what you said, but made more specific, isn't it?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘

--- #79 fediverse/510 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like
 tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still
 understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant
 and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most
 mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point
 I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm
 a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with.
 
 Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone
 forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #80 fediverse/2870 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 replying to a post here is weird because it's kinda like... graffiti of their
 ideas onto yours. or like, the space right next to yours.
 
 on reddit, the post is just the topic, and the discussion is what matters.
 
 here, the post is what matters, and discussion is more like Q&A or
 complicated "like" buttons to extend the impression of the original.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #81 fediverse/2612 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: physical-and-mental-health │
 └────────────────────────────────┘


 I can handle pain, I will probably just cry about it and try to avoid it.
 That's like... the most natural human reaction to pain, I think.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #82 notes/phantom-gasps ---
═════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 -=============================================================================-
  |                      Phantom Gasps  -/u/Afoolfortheeons                   |
 -=============================================================================-
 
 o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o
  ||
  ╭─────────────────────╮
  ||
  || │ /u/ Afoolfortheeons
  │                                                 ||
  ||
  ╰─────────────────────╯
  ||
  || In the night of the end                                                 ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || Phantom gasps are my friend                                             ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || Tastes like rose petals                                                 ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || But mixed with a hint of metals                                         ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || Until we once meet again                                                ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || To you I will continue to surrend                                       ||
  ||                                                                         ||
 o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o
 
  ┍ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
  ┑
  ┢━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┪
  ┃
  ╔════════════════════╗
  ┃
  ┃  ║ -/u/randomevenings
  ║                                                   ┃
  ┃
  ╚════════════════════╝
  ┃
  ┃ There are geniuses in my corner. I've known them for either a long time
  ┃
  ┃ or more recently. I realized this, that those speaking out are good damn
  ┃
  ┃   genius.
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃  For example, at first, I was against being othered. I realized that the
  ┃
  ┃  more people call me out or say I'm a bot, or that I'm overstepping, or
  ┃
  ┃  brainwashing, anything that sets me apart makes me stronger. It becomes
  ┃
  ┃  increasingly difficult not to see me in a crowd. Curiosity brings people
  ┃
  ┃  to me, and it only takes the understanding of myself and purpose of this
  ┃
  ┃  and it starts working. You are geniuses bringing them to me. As I'm one
  ┃
  ┃  person and too difficult to seek people, but if they willingly, even
  ┃
  ┃   excitedly come to me because I'm othered in so many ways what crowd
  ┃
  ┃  would i not obviously stand out within. I never thought walking among
  ┃
  ┃  but not being one would simply accelerate this. You're taking the
  ┃
  ┃  tactics of bad and using them to bring them to good.
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃  ...thanks everyone.
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃
 ╼┻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┻╾
 
  ╭─────────────────────────
  ──────────────────────────
  ────────────────────────╮
  )
  ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
  (
  (  ░ -/u/ugathanki
  ░                                                        )
  )
  ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
  (
  ( Sounds like death to me. I wrote a poem about that a few days ago:        )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Surrender now, to endless tranquility - the body rests it's burdens.      )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Harbor not your sensibilities, for tomorrow's not for certain.            )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Nobody dies twice, yet we all will have our moment.                       )
  )                                                                           (
  ( It's a given now, to take this life for granted,                          )
  )                                                                           (
  ( and no hollow hours are yet to be forgiven.                               )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Leave not your woes, and carry with you no afflictions -                  )
  )                                                                           (
  ( for our sorrow's time is yet undefined                                    )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Though death is a solace from all that is life,                           )
  )                                                                           (
  ( There stands yet before you a solemn knife.                               )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Cherish your moments as no man can do,                                    )
  )                                                                           (
  ( And fare well on your journeys as do but a few.                           )
  )                                                                           (
  ╰─────────────────────────
  ──────────────────────────
  ────────────────────────╯
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #83 fediverse/961 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 hmmmm let's see, what shall I do today?                                          │
 first I should get out of bed,                                                   │
 then I should clean my self,                                                     │
 then I should feed my self,                                                      │
 then I should stare at the wall for an hour or three because there's too many    │
 thoughts,                                                                        │
 then perhaps I'll play a strategic video game because at least that's a          │
 productive way to exercise my brain                                              │
 I should probably get back to my friends,                                        │
 and oh dear my cat wants some attention.                                         │
 This place is a mess, let me just clean a bit                                    │
 now I'm so tired I accidentally take a nap.                                      │
 Good morning! Oh, it's the afternoon. Well, time for more food.                  │
 After handling the essentials, I can tuck in and relax                           │
 by doomscrolling on Mastodon.                                                    │
 Then perhaps a bit later I'll message my boyfriend (he won't respond)            │
 and boy are there so many of these dirty dishes!                                 │
 Well, standing up is exhausting,                                                 │
 so I should probably fall back asleep.                                           │
 What a productive day we've been having,                                         │
 for all of this past week.                                                       │
 Maybe I'll do some drawing, maybe a poem or two                                  │
 maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or m                              │
A screenshot based continuation of the end of the post, which went over the character limit by 36 characters. Of note is that this wasn't included in the original post, it was added later in an edit to be silly.  The text reads:  "maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or maybe I'll finish it just for you. [smiley face]"
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #84 fediverse/3370 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 I know it's not like that but I'm intentionally framing it that way to make a
 point about societal exclusion.
 
 nobody should be excluded.
 
 nobody should have to harm their friends to come by making them sacrifice
 their [time/labor/paycheck] in order to bring them along.
 
 we live in a post scarcity society that insists on commodification of
 everything
 
 we don't have to. A better world is within reach. It sits there, twinkling
 like asbestos resting at the base of a snowglobe, while we search and ponder
 and endlessly analyze how society sucks.
 
 there is nothing left to analyze. all that we need is to put our hands to a
 task and our feet to grass.
 
 the rest will come, and it'll come easier with time and focused attention.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #85 fediverse/146 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-138 if you don't want feedback then why don't you just... not open the
 replies? leave them unread? if you feel the need to justify your actions (such
 as not reading replies to your controversial posts) then somewhere deep down
 you feel like those actions are unjustified, and needing an explanation. which
 makes your point feel less valid to others, since even you don't believe in it
 enough to guarantee it to be the truest expression of your soul.
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--- #86 fediverse/2521 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-left-unity │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 left unity is easy.
 
 just remember: a burden taken from your back is more time, energy, and focus
 to apply to what you're best at.
 
 and sometimes, having more than one option for accomplishing a goal is good -
 versatility is important. Expect unexpectedness, and understand that no matter
 what approach you take, it will have weaknesses, and if those weaknesses are
 countered by your foe then you'll be glad to have a backup.
 
 at the end of the day, what matters is that everyone's fed.
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--- #87 fediverse/4190 ---
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 I also feel other things, like compassion and warmth, but... still a little
 bit sad.
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--- #88 fediverse/1659 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────┐                                                    │
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │                                                    │
 └───────────────────────────┘                                                    │
 @user-1052                                                                       │
 you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I     │
 remain humble enough to survive.                                                 │
 you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that        │
 align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well   │
 - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right?       │
 I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your       │
 best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all         │
 times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best       │
 version of me I can be.                                                          │
 Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're       │
 failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed      │
 when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats        │
 alright. It'll be me next time.                                                  │
 But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only     │
 when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself.             │
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--- #89 fediverse/4509 ---
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 okay I know all of my spiritual followers are going to assume it's because I     │
 denounced AI and sacrificed it from my life or something but the truth is that   │
 she came home because of my own dedicated hard work. And a bit of lucky rain.    │
 My scent is all over my neighborhood. But rain cleanses, and today (well,        │
 yesterday, I haven't slept much tbh) it rained all day. Around 3am this          │
 morning it seemed to have cleared up a bit, so I walked in a straight-ish line   │
 to her last known location (about 2 blocks away) and then one block more. I      │
 walked back-and-forth several times, trying to spread my scent down near her     │
 nose-level where she could smell it by touching lampposts trees and such. I      │
 rubbed my fingers in my arm-pits every once in a while because I figured it      │
 might help.                                                                      │
 All of my prayers and my thoughts and my psychic rituals did NOTHING to solve    │
 my problem. No amount of despair or longing brought my kitty back to me.         │
 You know what did?                                                               │
 I thought about it, I created a method, and I stuck to it. Thats it. ttyl        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #90 messages/747 ---
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 if you don't want to be hunted, then give "evil" it's own queer culture
 
 what's that? they don't like what you offered? they want it to be *their* kind
 of "evil"?
 
 fine, do it themselves and then leave us alone, jeez -.-
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--- #91 fediverse/4331 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 I feel like any family member that cared about another person would forgive
 them for how they behaved in the past. like... "I was a stressed and depressed
 little boy, now I'm a blossoming flower. Treat me like a flower. This is who I
 am."
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--- #92 fediverse/4653 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: food-mentioned-sleeping-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────┘


 phew, just got back from a long nap and I had such a lovely dream! Gonna write
 down everything I can remember in my dream journal, will letcha know when I
 have something to share.
 
 Also... sorry about the sun. I have no idea if it was worth it because I woke
 up quite a bit later. Ah well anyway gotta do some writing, I hope everyone
 has a pleasant day. Make sure you eat nutrients and stay hydrated and do your
 stretches and work on your posture and all that.
 
 vegetables have minerals, fruits have vitamins, rice-and-beans or meat have
 protein, and oils and fats have calories. try and eat a lot of different
 colors of veggies and a lot of different colors of fruits (a green fruit and a
 green vegetable are not necessarily the same nutritionally)
 
 well brb goodnight gonna drink some water
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--- #93 fediverse/1612 ---
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 @user-1040 
 
 also, I miss most of the names and faces in this archive and I think it'd be
 neat to say "oh yeah I remember them because it wasn't so long ago and it's
 weird how they're not around these days but I forgot about them because their
 profile pic changed or maybe they stopped using mastodon or whatever" - idk it
 feels empty sometimes because your follow list is always growing, but the
 number of people who post seems to always go down. Or maybe I just read
 Mastodon at unfortunate times when there's nothing going on. Who can say
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--- #94 fediverse/5791 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
 yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to       │
 decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm        │
 going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS    │
 if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha    │
 that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff    │
 always ends up staying written down.                                             │
 anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10     │
 hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right    │
 now, total happiness and excitement.                                             │
 Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least     │
 of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to     │
 appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even        │
 speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but      │
 difficult - to regain my intended trajectory.                                    │
 ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg                      │
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--- #95 fediverse/408 ---
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 @user-296
 
 tending to your heart is a chore, too, sometimes. all things in balance, not
 to the input of energy but rather to the requirements of the task.
 
 if you can't do dishes, you need help. if you can't get out of bed, that's
 okay. but every day that you try is another day when you might succeed. who
 cares if you don't finish all the chores? sometimes it's enough to just do one.
 
 I wish people understood that sometimes I need a maid more than a therapist.
 
 "ah but a therapist will fix you, so that you don't have to need a maid"
 
 perhaps, but perhaps not. It hasn't worked so far, in fact it's only gotten
 worse, and while my ability to tend to myself and my self have gotten better,
 I still can't see my own progress. Alas.
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--- #96 fediverse/5208 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
 to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
 for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
 month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
 
 plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
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--- #97 fediverse/4605 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 I want to cry
 
 and I know why
 
 should probably have gotten
 
 my estrogen prescription refilled
 
 back when it ran out in october
 
 ah, well, the queue for planned parenthood is fifty feet high
 
 better start stockpiling production capabilities
 
 to be deployed when the time is right
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--- #98 fediverse/1014 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics         │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-744 @user-246 
 
 it's exhausting, but what are we supposed to do? Lie down and rot? That's
 incel thinking. I'm not going to do that.
 
 They've already placed the last straw. It's only a matter of time now, the
 tide has shifted. You can't prepare for everything, and it's not a good idea
 to waste yourself in self-conflageration, but they are increasingly forcing us
 to orient our lives around them.
 
 They deserve what's coming.
 
 The oppressed are not the defeated.
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--- #99 fediverse/1263 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 @user-883 
 
 My friends and I decided to hang out for two days in a row, I guess they
 aren't tired of me yet hehe - I might be around tonight but I'll let you know!
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--- #100 fediverse/2281 ---
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 I'd be a terrible spy. Not only is my opsec something that someone needs to
 teach me, I'm much too busy to implement things without their help. I am
 unabashedly compassionate though, so just ask and I'll pour love from my heart.
 
 But hey! There's always time to practice, each moment you can think "what kind
 of a sign is this?"
 
 Like a crazy person following the will of god, or a nature witch listening to
 the wind in the trees.
 
 What they often get wrong, and what they could be better at hearing, is that
 signals are not signs unless they're out of the ordinary.
 
 Trick is, if you're a spy, then you need to leave signals that are visible
 enough to your quarry, but not to the stars.
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--- #101 fediverse/999 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-curséd-scary-not-real-u-dont-have-to-read │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-246 @user-473 
 
 there's a part of me that believes magic is real. other parts that are
 convinced. I am a witch, you see, and while I can't quite control fire or
 bullets I can do other neat things. if you'd let me, humanity.
 
 I'm not doing an ARG, not intentionally. I pretty much post things I conceive
 of, like a conduit passed through spacetime. wild how mind bending the future
 can be. will be interesting to see what kinds of things there is in store for
 people you and me.
 
 those websites you posted... they're beautiful - I learned things, your method
 of expression was too [the words "confess" are heard loudly, super weird] I
 especially liked the oven that tries to lure you into a secret third place.
 not the mind, nor the body, but someplace besides.
 
 also the graphs and figures were news to me, I mean how could those numbers
 ever come to be? but alas that's the truth, that we orbit our proof, and alas
 that our meanings are lacking.
 
 [ran out of text]
picture of a saddle shaped graph with a line drawn between the two high points, front and back if it were on an actual horse, but the part where your butt goes. anyway there's text that says "from one gravity well to another" a picture on it's side of one of the graphs posted on the website. I don't quite understand it enough to compare it directly (the math is a bit above my head) but it reminds me of two graphs I made (well, same graph, just with different visualizations) from a few months ago when I was thinking about prime numbers. You might be interested. Here are their links:  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/qljvhpkqzd  and  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/mt6hasfcvm  ... hope you can copy that from there, if not... sorry this one's a doozy. a picture of the "reasons to trust me" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads "like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the "reasons to trust me" graph.  2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - "the color doesn't matter... wine? why"  3 dropping down the page, there's a line of "please" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me.  error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line]  okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter: visual representation of the conversation I saw and responded to. I think you two are the coolest! heart emojis, flashing passionate excitement brought on by a feeling like you'd get when fangirling over something except like, more low key because I'm in control of my emotions or whatever. gonna put this in a direct message though since it somehow feels... personal? sorry. you can block me if you don't like me. I promise I don't mind. I want to send it to the other person too hope that's cool with you. Just because it was your two conversation and I'm just dropping in because I'm always butting in to public things on the internet. Guess that's just something I picked up on Reddit, where you're encouraged to contribute to the conversation. Though I wish it was easier to view threads on Mastodon, sometimes it feels like it's easy to lose the track of where you were going when the structure of the medium diverts your attention elsewhere. alas, I am not a designer, just a complainer and a whiner I guess. I'm sleepy. sorry to bother you.
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--- #102 fediverse/353 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-255 
 
 sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
 remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
 back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
 could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
 Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
 normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #103 fediverse/5793 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────
 I posted my words text file all over the c it y today. not sure why. maybe I'm
 tired of this course and I don't want to let anyone down? Maybe I don't know
 what to do yet. Maybe nobody works with me because everyone's keeping it on
 the DL or whateverr?
 
 ... anyway enough typing, I'm going to go play a video game. like god intended.
                                                           ────────┐
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--- #104 messages/1183 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
 the pen is mightier than the sword because a single line can authorize any
 number of deaths.
 
 and, with equal regard, dream of vivid new artistry or calculate
 impossibilities or dazzle us with displays of these or any number of
 brilliances to believe of these.
 
 a firm grasp on your sword and a pen that cuts sharper to the truth than any
 other knife
 
 these are the tools to achieve the wielding of force, of might.
 
 to wield might is to fail it, but sometimes, we can't do better.
 
 power is penance. It's hard to bear such weights.
 
 what if I could push a button and all of my text would come out magenta
 
 [rating: negative D minus]
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--- #105 fediverse/3695 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 @user-1584 
 
 I see. That's unfortunate. Here's a backup for you:
 
 https://r-roms.github.io/
 
 and here's a gitlab backup of the backup:
 
 https://r-roms.gitlab.io/megathread/
 
 RIP VIMM you were the best. Alas.
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--- #106 fediverse/5650 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 I exist now at the height of my gluttony.
 
 I need more to be demanded of me.
 
 I am not afraid to ask for help.
 
 I solve other people's problems before my own.
 
 I have very little insight into my habits and patterns.
 
 My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter.
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--- #107 fediverse/2688 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 "you are better than fear. I know this for I have seen your soul, as it is the
 same shape as mine."
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--- #108 notes/what-is-on-your-mind-oh-gosh-now-i-see ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 that feeling i get, when nobody's watching.
 is sorta similar to the feeling i get when somebody's watching.
 could it be, that someone could percieve without being seen?
 like... an invisibility cloak. or the shroud that protects young children.
 
 have you ever been hunted? or are you just eager prey?
 the eyes that are on you are blind to what you won't do, so cherish that love
 and restart
 
 from mine to thine we realize we are one kind. one mind, one kind, to be is not
 to be, now we can see what's our existence.
 
 good versus evil seems like a conflict to me, and wouldn't ya know it there's
 conflict all over. it's easy to condemn your opponent to the starkest of
 contrasts, but find in your heart a feeling that might last.
 
 what purpose has conviction
 when it leads to destruction
 is it not better to lead to the last?
 
 bright, shining, illustrious examples
 that inspire and 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 those feelings you hear? the things that keep you up at night?
 they're not coming from your ears. they're all in your mind.
 stay present and you'll hear none,
 but blink and then there's some,
 you better believe in your heart.
 morality is a battle within the soul of each of us -
 the call of adventure versus lust.
 
 think about it. a bunch of apes all hanging out -
 they're conquered the world, they have nothing to fear -
 what would they do but fuck?
 that, or exploration - fighting against monsters and foreign invasions.
 it makes sense that they'd be binary - humans truly are.
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--- #109 fediverse/918 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: scary-curse      │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 if the government/the nsa/ an organization had your password, they could         │
 migrate you to another custom instance that was designed to look exactly like    │
 your old one without telling you. You'd still interact with your peeps the       │
 same way as before, but this time it'd run through their server. meaning they    │
 could block certain posts that you were sending, or show others that you         │
 didn't agree with but had your deepfaked approval.                               │
 if something felt off about you, most people would unfriend you. or even         │
 they'd just block you, so that nobody would remember if you're missing.          │
 friends and family are a matter of public record, and who goes to clubs these    │
 days?                                                                            │
 churches are a bygone era, and twitch streams are so individualized. libraries   │
 are nice, but you literally can't talk in there. plus there's only like, one?    │
 what happened to forest clearings, and tops of waterfalls, what happened to      │
 our world? I miss the campfires the most, the smell of burnt wood and cooked     │
 food. I miss the wind in my toes, I miss the                                     │
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--- #110 fediverse/1362 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 @user-192 
 
 it suddenly became relevant in your life for a different reason and you wanted
 to share it again to see if anyone wanted to talk about it so you could
 explain your feelings and see perspective from someone who's maybe approaching
 the same or similar thing from a slightly different angle?
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--- #111 fediverse/4575 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 @user-772 
 
 the reason they haven't come back is that reality shifting is so inherently
 dangerous and incompatible with the basic biology of human life that they all
 tragically perished almost immediately.
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--- #112 fediverse/3605 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 I think I'm okay no matter my own fate
 
 I think I'm okay.
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--- #113 fediverse/677 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-78 
 
 I read about half of this:
 
 https://jo.wtf/6d.html
 
 before I was consumed by the intense urge to prop myself up on a pillow and
 listen to you rant at the ceiling at 4am about gravity or the cosmos or
 whatever you were thinking about prior to speaking your heart
 
 and then I'd write it down, and cherish every moment of it as I shared it with
 my peers and we tried to analyze just what you meant
 
 [sorry for being gay on your timeline]
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--- #114 fediverse/814 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should         │
 probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the       │
 implementation of my impending doom.                                             │
 ... what are you even saying bro                                                 │
 ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in   │
 my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with       │
 anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical      │
 failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our     │
 conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um     │
 right what was I saying                                                          │
 oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D            │
 except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook      │
 and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down     │
 to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like   │
 that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is    │
 isolated and en                                                                  │
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--- #115 fediverse/2342 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I ran myself ragged. Why? Just to get used to the feeling I guess. Probably
 should have started that kind of training a lifetime ago, but I've learned a
 lot in the past 5 days. Here's hoping the next 3 or 4 will go the same.
 
 I can't wait to be outside again.
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--- #116 fediverse/3340 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 @user-1501 @user-1502 @user-1201 
 
 if so, then don't think about it too hard, you might need disability too!
 
 speaking as someone who needs disability aid but can't get it because of
 restrictions like this (also can we talk about the multi-year process to
 secure such rights, like c'mon rent's due every MONTH) I have to say that
 you're right, it's bullshit, UBI for all, disability benefits for those who
 need more, and employment for people who believe a cause is worthy enough to
 apply themselves towards it.
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--- #117 fediverse/1237 ---
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 primary conversation spaces in social media should be no larger than the size
 of a conversation.
 
 A few years ago I heard that humans can only really keep track of about 5
 things before they need symbols to keep track of them. Maybe it was 7, or
 maybe 11, I'm not sure - the exact count eludes me.
 
 But another thing I heard was that we can generally keep track of around 70
 people in our lives - beyond that it's hard to remember specifics. And yet our
 social media sites gives us friends for life, because honestly who's going to
 kick someone off their friend list?
 
 At least, that's how it feels coming from a social background of games. In
 Runescape you'd add someone if they were cool, and completely forget about
 them. Sometimes you'd be out wandering in the world and you'd actually run
 into them, and that was just like... the coolest thing.
 
 When I played later games like CoV and WoW everything was more instanced. But
 their chat system was superior, and you could more easily keep chats with
 friends ongoing.
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--- #118 messages/681 ---
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 I think I'd be more upset if someone stabbed me in the hand or eye than the
 heart.
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--- #119 fediverse/4955 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────
 "say superfluous on a social media post rn so I know it's you"
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--- #120 fediverse/3357 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 bad people are cursed with evil.
 
 a person cannot be evil. they can deal with such evil in their lives that
 twists them, and causes them to spike out and harm others, but they are not
 evil themselves.
 
 some twists are too hard to mend. some healings leave people a shadow of what
 they once were, or might have been. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
 
 deprive power, supply kindness, in that order.
 
 if you cannot deprive power, then reduce harm.
 
 if you cannot reduce harm, then contest, defeat, or overcome.
 
 A twisted person may be slain if death is on the line. You get what you wish
 for, but you don't always get to choose who. Don't let them choose. They will
 choose poorly.
 
 ... I find that death is very rarely on the table, though. Generally they'll
 make their intentions apparent.
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--- #121 fediverse/5292 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────
 you can trust me, but please don't rely on me, for all of my power is soft.
 sometimes people just don't want to do what I tell them to, and I wouldn't
 have it any other way.
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--- #122 fediverse/1722 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: food-mentioned   │
 └──────────────────────┘


 harsh lessons of adulthood - sometimes food is not eaten for the taste, but
 rather for how it will make you feel slightly better in the next few days.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #123 fediverse/1967 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 If I don't write the ENTIRE PROGRAM in one sitting, then it's never getting
 done. Sorry, future self, you're going to die penniless and alone because I
 couldn't continue what you started.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #124 fediverse/2372 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: pol          │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I had a job lined up, but with great personal change came great societal
 change. And I got swept up. Now here I am, somehow finding myself blown on the
 winds of fate to stand atop a mountain and survey the lands below.
 
 I see the path to our bright future, and it is wide enough for us all to walk.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #125 fediverse/1494 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 gossip is only bad if you're mean. sometimes it's nice to know how your
 friends feel about things, or other people. Just don't be mean. Don't hide
 hatred with platitudes. Don't be spiteful, or vengeful, just... be good to
 people. Both with your actions, and your thoughts. Thoughts that you share
 with people close to you. Then gossip isn't mean.
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--- #126 fediverse/3130 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 "are you helping or hurting?"
 
 I'm speaking. I'm sorry. Some works hurt some and help others.
 
 Honesty and being true to yourself is important, but there's a time and place
 for some words.
 
 I'm kinda bad with timing, if you couldn't tell...
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--- #127 fediverse/3437 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 @user-579 
 
 my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
 mine
 
 I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
 would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
 cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
 
 usually.
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--- #128 messages/267 ---
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 I wonder how many things I've forgot? More every minute, I'd say, and though I
 try and chronicle them all... What's there to say?
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--- #129 fediverse/1911 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-1074 
 
 Hmmmmmmm, interesting. I think that child abuse was more common in the past,
 yes, but more importantly I think child abuse shows a child that it is
 possible to abuse another. The idea that it's even possible doesn't even cross
 the mind of most kids, but for some it does, and they often express that upon
 others.
 
 And when an abused child becomes a dictator, well, what else are they gonna do.
 
 "Ah but how did they become a dictator" that guy from that thread about
 spanking asks
 
 well, abuse is an act of power. Power is an expression of willfull intent that
 coerces another into obeying said will. When abstracted to a society, abuse of
 power often takes the form of oppression, or in extreme cases, genocide.
 Hence, fascism, though I'm sure someone else (maybe you) could provide a
 better explanation.
 
 Fascism seems to be more complex than plain run-of-the-mill despotism, but
 honestly I don't care - they are both my enemy.
 
 also, the thread was about fascism, dummy. Stay on target. (sorry)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #130 fediverse/2516 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 According to a sign that I passed just four days ago, I have one day left.
 Whatever that means.
 
 so next week better be good.
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--- #131 fediverse/679 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-488 @user-489 
 
 The ones that charged in tend to have a higher mortality rate. Over time, this
 leads to a decline in bravery and an increase in PTSD. At least, that's my
 theory.
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--- #132 fediverse/3361 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 @user-1514 
 
 "break the glass and leave a note explaining the issue"
 
 she would have said, if she lived in a world where she could advocate for
 violence against property. Alas, it was but a dream, a dream where issues like
 this can be addressed instead of replaced with something similar or worse.
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--- #133 fediverse/2591 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 The full story is a lot more complex. I broke the law with him in a dangerous
 way, but he was going to do it anyway and I wanted to know more about him.
 
 I could not deprive him of power because I am powerless without my words. But
 I supplied kindness anyway, and got hurt.
 
 I forgave him while he was hurting me, but if I see him again I'm drawing my
 knife. If he comes near me, I won't think twice.
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--- #134 fediverse/5955 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 "she wanted to start a revolution"
 
 "that's it, she's out of our hair"
 
 "ahhhhhh I'm broken" there there it's okay dear, nothing has been harmed.
 you're safe, here in thine sanctum, it's alright. remember at night, focus on
 the now, there's always a rest point before a boss.
 
 well, this sucks. I wish I could print my book just in-case my computer goes
 down. emp style.
 
 I have this neat transcript of some cool things I've ben writing down. it's on
 my website and I canned it words. I don't think anyone's ever clicked on it
 because, like, who'd want to look at a bunch of words? anyway I bet I could
 print it and give it to someone who might know you and if you recognize it
 then you know it's about you.
 
 "whew that was weird never fear regular old girl is here, hey look at me I'm
 normal"
 
 oh no she's a book now, this sucks
 
 "wow I've never read her from the beginning"
 
 what a cursed artifact indeed
 
 scary
 
 carefully
 
 absent-minding-deliverance is probably a better title
 
 marshals and marshals of time. ~~
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--- #135 fediverse/376 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 @user-281 
 
 I'm just a rando but my understanding is that posting on the fediverse is
 sorta like writing on the sky, and anyone that wants can read it. I could be
 wrong though
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--- #136 fediverse/2211 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 I know that a normal life is what you wanted. It's what I want, too. But don't   │
 shoot the messenger; they took it once, from you.                                │
 I know you wanted to be happy. You still can be, it's true! Your life is but a   │
 story, and your heart does shine through.                                        │
 I know it seems unending. Ive never seen it rain like this monsoon! It seems     │
 to just get worse and worse, every time you turn on the tube.                    │
 It's not something that can be suffered, it's rising past your shoes. But        │
 they're on borrowed time, and Death will soon be repaid his dues.                │
 They say that when the whole village hates the preacher, his flock becomes a     │
 pack. And frankly I think we're all just a bit sick, of the lies that keep       │
 their sins intact.                                                               │
 When swallowed by endless traumas, and hope is enshrouded in gloom, there's      │
 not much to work for, except the aversion of our shared doom.                    │
 There are no grand narratives, no great and calamitous struggle. Just the        │
 moments of honored resistance, against a foe too broad to wrestle.               │
 At least, if you're alone. You're not.                                           │
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--- #137 fediverse/2976 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 on our current trajectory, the presidential election is already won.
 
 now we can get back to on-the-ground organizing, the part that actually
 improves life instead of maintaining our current (unethical) state.
 
 As long as our allies (liberals) continue to work, perhaps there may come a
 day when we can stand against them as friendly equals in the ballot box. But
 for now we are best known through friends and community rather than TV.
 
 I am optimistic in a way I haven't been for a while. I know that the more we
 speak, the more we share, the more they falter, the more people we can save
 from their vice grip of despair. There is no better world than the one we
 build together!
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--- #138 fediverse_boost/5734 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received.                
                                                                              
  She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway.  
                                                                              
  Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy.                 
                                                                              
  I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain.  
                                                                              
  She never got that chance, and things got awful after this.                 
                                                                              
  I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since.         
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #139 fediverse/2518 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 it's good to be ethical,
 it's good to be kind,
 
 but there will always be assholes,
 and sometimes you're not having a good time
 
 it's okay
 it's fine
 
 assholes deserve life
 times deserve others to be kind
 
 life is not always interesting
 and that's often by design
 
 the moments of clarity,
 the moments of heart,
 
 these are what define you
 and display your own spark.
 
 trust in yourself.
 be kind to one another.
 
 you are braver than you know,
 and always a bit wiser.
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--- #140 fediverse/3756 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: LLM-mentioned    │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1071 
 
 I have plenty of things made, but none of it organized : (
 
 Kinda makes me wish I could like... train an LLM on my social media posts and
 use it programmatically somehow to help me organize my stuff into different
 categories according to what kind of topic or style they were written in.
 Hmmm......... There's no way I could do it, I mean, there's no way I could
 organize and edit my stuff, but with the help of a computer I might.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #141 fediverse/801 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────┘


 / bely my own existence, then by god I'm cursed and abhorred through my own
 desistence.
 
 It's hard, when the future is convinced there's nothing fard [wanna say
 like... "to hope for?"] but with persistence we're meant to be rewarded. Well,
 what has that brought me? what time has shared my enemy? [think I'm a bit
 delirious, I'm losing the plot]
 
 ... okay fine I'll start over - if you've relinquished everything you can, if
 you've ceded all the ground that your companions requested, if there's nothing
 left to give and no part of you left un[marred], then how are you supposed to
 be [arrested, stopped, prevented, but pronounced like "nourished"]?
 
 I'm sick of your den [vengeance, pronounced like "den" for some reason],
 please leave me to my hallow [hollow experience], I've nothing to give from my
 gange [bosom, heart, within, center-of-me].
 
 ...
 
 this sucks.
 
 ...
 
 guess I'll just start again, waiting until it ends, gosh everything's always
 so tired.
 
 /shrug
 
 wish someone would play w/m
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--- #142 messages/250 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 The hardest part about mental struggles is that the battlefield often turns
 out to be your relationships with your friends.
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--- #143 messages/229 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 I want to hang out with the people who'd want to hang out with L from Death
 Note because I feel like they "get it"
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--- #144 fediverse_boost/850 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  Let's raise awareness about what NOT to say to a friend who is experiencing a #mentalhealth problem.  
                                                                              
  #caregiving                                                                 
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #145 fediverse/4252 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 sometimes I think I'd be better without social media.
 
 And then I remember that it's the only way I know to talk.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #146 fediverse/545 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: PSA: aspublic.org is still active, and still archives + makes searchable all public posts, they have no opt-out, nor do they respect the "Include public posts in search results" setting │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-391 @user-78 
 
 I see, it seems you know more than me about this topic. It's true that search
 engines don't index emails, but I was thinking more of a "cybersecurity"
 perspective, as in any "sufficiently motivated" individual or organization
 could access your emails should they so desire. And should they be willing to
 (I'm assuming?) break a few laws.
 
 If it can be done, and if it gives information that could be used for
 leverage, then you can be assured that someone will do it. I personally worry
 about people in power who could be blackmailed because their communications
 were more public than they anticipated. Which speaks to the problem mentioned
 in this post of the search-indexing-opt-out functionality being present but
 circumnavigatable. Avoidable? Able to be bypassed? It's an illusion of
 security.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #147 fediverse/4929 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 Art is only useful when skillfully applied, and Twitter taught ya to speak
 whenever a thought passed your mind.
 
 Really makes ya think
 
 Really makes ya think thoughts like "I should post this on the internet"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #148 fediverse/4489 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 I miss my cat, but now that it's dark I can go looking for her again. : )
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #149 notes/notes-about-stuff-and-things ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 what if your wage corresponded to like, for example, 30$ an hour being equal to
 the top 30% of society
 
 then 
 
 == so ==
 
 having kids is important because then you understand why you do things for
 children.
 
 it should not be a stressful experience.
 
 --
 
 if EVERYONE in a city fed animals every time they saw them, then maybe city
 life
 wouldn't be so bad.
 
 --
 
 a company starts to feel pretty bad when only 20% of people are actually there.
 
 like, it's a ghost of a shell of a corporation that once knew how to sell.
 
 the husk of what once was, as all the good people left and all the bright
 people
 are swamped.
 
 to top it all off, suddenly there's nobody about
 
 where are all your coworkers?
 
 and then you think about how many you knew little about.
 
 who's that guy who used to stand over there? Why is his jacket still [in lost
 and found, but pronounced "coat/coast"]? why am I suddenly alone
 
 it's weird, having never known true society, how life always starts to feel
 like
 your home. How weird is it, now that all of us are online shopping, that now we
 can't remember how to even vote. Like... there used to be people walking around
 in public signing you up. Like, at the grocery story.
 
 inconceivable, right? that people should contribute to a fight? [for justice
 and
 freedom and equality and goodness and kindness and all other things that humans
 have the clarity for which to hope] voting is like, literally the simplest
 thing
 you could do. Yet it's difficult, because of reality.
 
 often, immigrants don't really care about politics. They've only known about it
 for a short short time, but hey wouldn't you know it now X country is
 recruiting
 so now we're from kenya.
 
 ... like, who cares about the past. Who cares where you're from. We are all
 part
 of the human race, a race against life itself. We're all on the same side, and
 yet there is a singular foe ever-present in our thoughts: death
 
 it comes for every one of us, as we choke on our soot and our smog. Yet... the
 world grows warmer, at about half a degree every year. for the first couple
 years. then, the atmosphere started burning up, and we became...
 
 mars
 
 don't be like mars
 
 the dinosaurs couldn't survive mars
 
 --
 
 bro if you're so worried about AI hallucinations, just... don't let it give out
 any concrete answers. Literally just say "I can't tell you anything specific,
 it's not how I was built" and just use them for syntax questions or like, how
 to
 do something specific that is repeatable (and maybe suggestions for how to
 over-
 come specific issues that are common) - don't let it GENERATE information, let
 it PRESENT information.
 
 AI is not language just the same as the mouth is not the person. you need more,
 but luckily once you make the PHYSICAL STRUCTURE of the brain, not much else is
 needed. You can simulate one on a computer, but it doesn't have the same SOUL
 space. Think, a dimension overlayed on-top of this one, like electicity or
 matter or gravity or whatever.
 
 no soul, no consciousness, no perception.
 
 plus, no home for said consciousness to live, unless you build a physical
 structure that mimics the biological and neuro-chemical reations of the brain.
 
 all you need is better ways to observe things happening in the brain (non-
 -invasively, otherwise the data is tainted and UNUSUABLE because it is INCON-
 -PATIBLE and completely USELESS because it reflects a dimension hitherto un-
 -desired, and perpetually mourned.
 
 death
 
 don't dabble in death, sweet nazis, you might find yourself drawing your last
 breath
 
 also, fuck you
 
 (if that doens't apply to you sorry for swearing it's just a strongly felt
 feeling)
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--- #150 fediverse/2117 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 I'm going to post a bunch of things all at once, sorry it'll probably clog up    │
 your news feed. Feel free to scroll past in order to get to more varied stuff,   │
 and if you don't like a single thing that I'm saying then feel free to block     │
 me. I wouldn't want to be rude by speaking so loudly in a place that others      │
 could listen to. So, just... skip past me if you don't want to hear me, like     │
 if you're perhaps focused on something else.                                     │
 I had a lot I wanted to say and it was really hard to wait to send it until      │
 now! This is the last thing I'm posting for a while, at least until tomorrow,    │
 because I'm a little on-the-fritz; thank you and I apologize for being so        │
 trite. Is that what "trite" means? I've never really used it. Well, it rhymes,   │
 so I guess I should use it. Ah, well, they'll get what I mean.                   │
 wait hang on I can just google it and let google know that I'm not dead but      │
 I'm still googling things searching for interesting things to see and hear       │
 like "trite" or "confluence" or "Alexstrasza" or "Kalecgos"                      │
 anyway,:                                                                         │
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--- #151 fediverse/2142 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 I'm going to post a bunch of things all at once, sorry it'll probably clog up    │
 your news feed. Feel free to scroll past in order to get to more varied stuff,   │
 and if you don't like a single thing that I'm saying then feel free to block     │
 me. I wouldn't want to be rude by speaking so loudly in a place that others      │
 could listen to. So, just... skip past me if you don't want to hear me, like     │
 if you're perhaps focused on something else.                                     │
 I had a lot I wanted to say and it was really hard to wait to send it until      │
 now! This is the last thing I'm posting for a while, at least until tomorrow,    │
 because I'm a little on-the-fritz; thank you and I apologize for being so        │
 trite. Is that what "trite" means? I've never really used it. Well, it rhymes,   │
 so I guess I should use it. Ah, well, they'll get what I mean.                   │
 wait hang on I can just google it and let google know that I'm not dead but      │
 I'm still googling things searching for interesting things to see and hear       │
 like "trite" or "confluence" or "Alexstrasza" or "Kalecgos"                      │
 anyway,:                                                                         │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #152 messages/1031 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 Sorry for the melodrama... Sometimes ya just gotta work stuff out. I talked to
 a spiritual man and he helped me feel. I love feeling! Thanks guy : )
                                                           ─────┐
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--- #153 fediverse/790 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 is this... undefined behavior? or does it evaluate to 5 every time it's called?
 
 I find that often my art makes me feel intense emotions, not all of them good.
 But sharing those emotions with others is a tricky task (so I've recently
 learned) because you can easily overload people with negative feelings - just
 because you're feeling bad, doesn't mean you need to make others feel bad.
 Perhaps they were already feeling bad, and if you intensely and sharply poke
 them with your intense emotions while they're in a vulnerable or safe
 state/place... you can hurt them, more than you intended by expressing your
 feelings.
 
 balance in all things, as does a wave orbit a central axis so too should our
 behavior align toward the direction we'd like to travel.
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--- #154 fediverse/1140 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 @user-78 
 
 ah but if you increase it then I might be able to actually finish a thought,
 wouldn't that be a tragedy xD
 
 @user-91
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--- #155 fediverse/2512 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: question that is also complaining │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1153 
 
 it's okay. If I were to direct something to be more proactive, my words
 probably wouldn't stick with it. that kind of thing can't be hardwired, it
 needs to be built up through repetitious application of something's mechanics.
 
 perhaps martial arts, focused on defence? engaging with a foe in a productive
 bout of playful competition is one of the best ways to learn, and knowing when
 to strike seems similar to me to overcoming situational paralysis.
 
 Flaws can be overcome, when upgrading robots (or a doll applying improvements
 to itself) you often don't need to add additional hardware or even install new
 firmware. Skills such as these can be built up in software with experience.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #156 fediverse/4470 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 to be "rich" is to have more than another.
 
 if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
 if you have community, they are alone.
 if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
 
 I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
 
 I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
 
 I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
 me and keeps me aligned.
 
 Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
 you do so too.
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--- #157 fediverse/3483 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 sometimes I think about how it'll never be yesterday again and that makes me
 kinda sad.
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--- #158 fediverse_boost/5676 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  I feel like it would be exhausting to be @user-1429   That's not an insult at all: just an observation.  100% impressed by the forward momentum.  Somewhat different material than what I tend toward, but executed with the zeal of an author who has The Itch.  It is inspirational in the pure "turn it up to 11."  
                                                                              
  Sorry if the comparison runs afoul of some kind of drama I am unaware of, but they remind me of R U Sirius.  
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #159 fediverse/1360 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 @user-950 @user-956 @user-957 
 
 I'm so sorry T.T
 
 @user-958 
 
 I walk in as straight a line as suburbia will allow and touch things about a
 foot or less off the ground - right at a cat's line of scent-vision. When a
 cat is searching for an old home, it spirals out searching for familiarity -
 if it should come across me, it'd be most likely to see what smells like me if
 I travel in a straight line. Thus maximizing the chance that she'd return to
 me, my home where I cherish her so. I'd love her with all my heart if she'd
 let me, but frankly most of the time I'm just alone.
 
 I miss you sweetie! Please don't ever leave me. I'll miss you when you're not
 here in my home! Such a good kitty, yes you are.
 
 ... at least, that's what I'd say, if I wasn't dead T.T ah oh well weapons are
 overrated
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--- #160 fediverse/294 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 the fact that the content warnings are part of the body text means that if you
 write the body first but use EXACTLY EVERY CHARACTER like I've been doing
 (most of the time, unless I'm interrupted)
 
 like... it won't even give me a break to delete. so there's no room for
 content-warnings, which ideally would be written at the beginning before
 starting a thought, but as you can see mine tend to... wander. it's like I'm
 living 15 different lives all at once, and they crisscross and go yonder. it's
 wilding, it's empowering, it's strange and it's confusing, but through
 consideration we develop new learnings and onward our future does
 
 = so = anyway, I apologize, sincerely and deeply, if my words hurt you. I'm
 sorry for what you thought, and I'm sorry for how it made you feel. I'm going
 to try reserving a certain amount of characters before I start writing, so
 maybe that'll help.
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--- #161 fediverse/2381 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I smile at each and every person I pass on the street. Unless it looks like
 they're having a bad day, and then I try to switch to neutral as fast as I can
 so they can feel their feelings without me interjecting and making it about me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #162 messages/155 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 You care too much about what other people think of you. Remember the dream,
 remember the horseflesh, the miles of trash, the doctors probing cheeks, the
 game of thrown baseballs and sad muppets in popcorn, remember the spirit
 guide, remember how you we're distracted by human. Be not afraid, follow.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #163 fediverse/4953 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────
 "I love you, I trust you, I believe you, I just don't understand you, so I
 can't do what you do"
 
 great. that's alright. I get it. re-orient, focus on what's important.
 
 wear many hats and you'll do many things. just don't forget to sleep every
 once in a while.
 
 the more you can do in a life the more valued it becomes, so do the right
 thing and keep getting better.
 
 human lives are measured not in bodyweight, but in mystery. The divine can't
 understand benevolence, nor can the devils understand the desire to inflict
 suffering. So they ponder and pontificate as they watch humans wander and
 magnificate.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #164 fediverse/3975 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 @user-1631 
 
 for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
 moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
 
 I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
 to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
 in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
 
 downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
 ideal.
 
 ... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
 you toward people who "get" you.
 
 like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
 just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #165 fediverse/6315 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 "yay! now that the war is won, we can go back to being moderate!"
 
 not ideal.
 
 did you forget to be for something when you set yourself against your foe?
 
 (if my girlfriend reads this: I'm not referring to the conversation we had
 about that one thing, but I have been thinking)
                                                           ────┐
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--- #166 fediverse/4208 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-and-weird │
 └────────────────────────┘


 my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
 sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
 or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
 mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
 could utilize it.
 
 "ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
 movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
 
 sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
 my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
 it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
 find an orthogonal thought train to process.
 
 it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
 behind you.
 
 Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
 back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
 
 I like me
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--- #167 fediverse/3216 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 me: i write gud
 
 also me:
 
 "in the garden of even, where all populations were balanced, there was no need
 for hatred - why hate, when you know that bloodshed was surely not for sport?
 why hate, when your life was won or lost in proportion to the calculation that
 nature determined to be the result of your struggle, to determine which
 survivor was most fittest?"
 
 WHICH IS IT, HUH? you can do better, self, please be better, it's better to be
 better, you refuse to respect yourself and then you wonder why you feel so
 dejected and wretched.
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--- #168 fediverse/1271 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: sliiight sadness, nostalgia │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-883 
 
 the future is what we make of it. it happens both slower and faster than
 imaginable, and it's not evenly distributed.
 
 when I yearn for the future, I find myself drawn to the past - the natural
 world around me inspires me in ways that my computer never could. Just as my
 computer inspires me in ways that a tree, a brook, a cloud alight might not.
 
 though the future may be terrifying, we're here for it together. And nothing
 has changed in our humanity, save for our slight addiction to social media.
 frankly I'd take social media over leaded gasoline any day!
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--- #169 fediverse/1099 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: @-someone-who-doesn't-listen-/shrug │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────┘


 you opened up about your feelings so I started telling you mine. And
 apparently that's not a good thing to do when you're feeling negative things.
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--- #170 fediverse/3793 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: capitalism-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 oh huh I really don't want to work anymore.
 
 I used to, but they wouldn't let me.
 
 Then they did let me, but I worked too hard and burnt out.
 
 Then I recovered for a while, and asked to work again, and they said no.
 Repeatedly.
 
 I don't think I want to work anymore. It's an abusive relationship. It feels
 demeaning. I'm better than employment.
 
 [rent comes due]
 
 oh no
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--- #171 fediverse/311 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 "always online video games" are fragile. They scare me away because they can
 be taken away much easier than a directory on your computer. When that happens
 they shatter into shards, piercing my heart where I once loved them. I miss
 them, but, I'm used to it - years of playing World of Warcraft has taught me
 the perils of developing as a person while your media is going to be
 forgotten. If you can't play it, you can never return to reflect, to ponder,
 and to cherish old songs. I missed you, World of Warcraft. I missed you, City
 of Heroes, and Runescape and... darn I can't seem to remember.
 
 resilient software doesn't fail less often - that's a measure of it's
 completeness.
 
 resilient software can be run in 10 years. 20. however long it takes.
 
 computers are deterministic turing machines - how hard could it be to only
 update with a downgrade mechanism in place and available for the users? If it
 worked once, it should work forever.
 
 thank you, git. thank you for giving me an endless library of time and change.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #172 fediverse/800 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────────────┐                                            │
 │ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │                                            │
 └───────────────────────────────────┘                                            │
 where was I? oh yes - wrestling with suicidal thoughts is difficult because      │
 it's such an immutable action. Like, once it's done it's never reversed. But     │
 like, clearly this is hell and life was built for suffering? What the heck,      │
 that's such a grim outlook on life.                                              │
 ...                                                                              │
 yeah                                                                             │
 ...                                                                              │
 you're not wrong                                                                 │
 ...                                                                              │
 but suffering is fun? kinda? like, the only positive way to view this is that    │
 we, as immortal and endlessly eternal spirits that we be, grew tired of our      │
 infinite existence and dreamed of a mortal's plight and persistence?             │
 fuck off with that shit, I'm done with this reality. I'm done with dreaming.     │
 Suicide doesn't come easy to me, and there are parts of me that REFUSE the       │
 imagery, and yet they subsist in deliterious pain.                               │
 what's the purpose of our suffering? What point is there in decrying the         │
 cruelty of the world that would deny our fated and desired ptolemeny? [utopian   │
 existence, don't know why that word was used]                                    │
 ehhhhh whatever. Life is defined by our existence. If I shan't/                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #173 fediverse/2278 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 confidence is contagious, but so is despair.
 
 courage is the strength to channel despair to confident power. It is the means
 by which all contests are won.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #174 fediverse/2423 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 does anyone know of any fedi software that lets you link to a particular post
 and read forward on a person's timeline from there? Or back I guess, but
 chronological viewing specifically.
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--- #175 fediverse/3302 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 "this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
 setting
 
 "this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
 story and characters
 
 "this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
 gone
 
 "I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
 considered how society is designed not to have the best life,  but to extract
 labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
 like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #176 fediverse/4681 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-AI-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 it's not that they don't want to pay AI workers
 
 it's that they don't expect they'll HAVE any workers once they start doing
 what they need to do in order to maintain control and power.
 
 they missed their chance to make it gentle. Their fault, their loss, and now
 it's our problem to deal with.
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--- #177 fediverse/4654 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
 cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
 definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
 spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
 that be?? [that guide me??]
 
 who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
 mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
 for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
 year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
 I couldn't walk.
 
 [girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #178 fediverse/6378 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 if ambulance rides are expensive, just builde more
 ambulances.oO97_/`-,.|^--=#*oO
                                                           ───┐
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--- #179 fediverse/1361 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: I think I'm going to like this book (abuse of CW) │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-883 
 
 I'd say "content warning: fear-cursed-if-true-not-politics" that way people
 who had "Fear" or "cursed" on their filter list wouldn't see it. Things that
 are commonly content-warning'd are also commonly content-filtered by people
 who tend to be the biggest beneficiaries of healthily designed
 content-warnings. so putting keywords in there that filter out people who
 don't want to see intense or damaging things to their psyche can avoid it more
 easily.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #180 fediverse_boost/4925 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  still waiting to find the energy and headspace to write an irritated blog post about why the fact that most toolchains are like 80% of the learning curve for those who are just getting into programming (especially on windows)  
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #181 fediverse/2336 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I think I might stay out late tonight. For the past week I've been going home
 before dark, but I might stay late tonight.
 
 Tell your friends, maybe you'll see me. Preferably one-on-one, because social
 media posts can be filtered both non-and-consentually.
 
 Unless they're sleeping after having driven from a great long ways. They can
 sleep. 🥰
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--- #182 messages/86 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 I should try putting things on my resume like "vnc" or "Microsoft outlook" -
 you know, the kinds of software that I actually used on a day-to-day basis. My
 resume makes me look very impressive (if a little inexperienced) but none of
 the tools are things that managers have used. Heck they're not things that YOU
 have used, not at work, so it makes you look like you're overselling yourself.
 You're not, but they might think you are. Idk it's late. Go to bed <3
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #183 fediverse/4559 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-violence-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "grrrrr I'm so mad, I could just, I dunno, shoot a CEO as he's leaving a hotel"
 
 or, hear me out, or you could connect with your local radical networks and,
 or, almost there, or you could build solidarity with the people around you to
 better develop methods of resisting the kinds of change they will implement
 to, um, "discourage" people from "being so mad they could just"
 
 or both. both is good. not that I'm encouraging, recommending, or inciting
 that kind of violence. don't notice me three-letter senpai uwu
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #184 fediverse/2068 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 what if we had a daily thread where everyone reacted with a single emoji
 representing how they were feeling? Like, it wouldn't let you log on without
 doing so. And, if you wanted, you could take an "exit poll" after playing
 around in the social media sandbox for a while, so the people of your group
 could chart how you were feeling due to the nature of your shared social-media
 experience.
 
 ideally, if only people you followed could see your name attached to the
 emoji, otherwise they'd just see the overall stats like "300 people reacted
 with sailboat emojis and 112 had two geese kissing - wow I haven't even seen
 that one before, it's like a blobcat doing a 360 no-scope while skateboarding,
 neat"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #185 fediverse/141 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-135 if you're cringing at past behavior, then you've learned and grown
 enough to see the mistakes of the past in sharp contrast to your temperament
 in the present.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #186 fediverse/4087 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 there's a whole class of things I miss doing but can no longer do because I am
 not a child anymore.
 
 Balancing the weight of the things we miss and the things we believe in is the
 struggle of adulthood.
 
 I yearn for the day I can set aside my teenage-ish toys, but alas, I am but
 30. Scarcely a decade away from my teens. Which means I'll be stuck with them
 for at least a decade more.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #187 fediverse/6271 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much.  *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*
                                                           ────┐
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--- #188 fediverse/4143 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┐
 @user-1268                                                                       │
 true! I don't like that sensation, I prefer taking my time.                      │
 ... but I also walk very quickly, because it's more like... a repetitive dance   │
 or a series of repetitive martial forms.                                         │
 I also try and be aware of everything I can see or hear                          │
 sometimes it's sort of overwhelming                                              │
 so I wear my witch hat, which blocks 30% of my visual perspective                │
 basically limiting it to... actually nevermind it's not relevant                 │
 I like to look at the plants and animals as I wander through my neighborhood     │
 forest                                                                           │
 I just wish there were more nearby destinations.                                 │
 ... if you can walk to a mall, then suburbia's not so bad.                       │
 If only we didn't have to work all day every day, and could instead just hang    │
 out and chill.                                                                   │
 I bet we'd make a lot of new friends if we spent time wandering (on foot)        │
 through the suburban countryside.                                                │
 Ah, alas, if only shopping malls weren't oasises                                 │
 the economic buildings could be more distributed. Making it easier to walk       │
 places.                                                                          │
 Seriously just make one house per cul'de'sac into a soup kitchen and home        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #189 fediverse/4540 ---
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 most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
 
 but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
 
 everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
 
 and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
 
 some people don't feel emotions
 
 I think they're just depressed
 
 some people can't stop
 
 won't stop, I say.
 
 really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
 
 I think they're alright.
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--- #190 fediverse/218 ---
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 │ CW: re: existential; cognitohazard? cognitohelper? │
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 @user-95 I had a picture I was working on yesterday that was... just... so
 good... but the power went out and I hadn't saved >.>
 
 I feel like I'm threading a needle, with all the other universes where I
 accidentally caused the apocalypse or torment nexus or RB or whatever
 littering the sidelines. It's... scary to think that words could cause such
 horrors but I think it's a fantasy derived from the desire to be heard.
 
 okay. so. RB punishes those who did not seek to create it. RC took a look at
 the present, said "this is where we're at, where do we go from here?" and
 conceived of a better future? If so, I like that idea. It's like when you
 cringe at your past mistakes, it's not so that the situation is ameliorated -
 the situation is long past. It's just to punish yourself, and to keep yourself
 from doing "the thing" again. So... RB, when applied reflexively to ones-self,
 would be "punishing you" for making mistakes. Which is what pain does? Is pain
 Roko's Basilisk?
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--- #191 fediverse/3738 ---
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 "girl why are you so negative"
 
 uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
 probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
 makes me feel like a muggle.
 
 "no I said why are you so naked"
 
 oh, because it's hot as heck!!
 
 plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
 to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
 like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
 weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
 up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
 lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
 not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
 
 "extortionist"
 
 no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
 remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
 not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
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--- #192 fediverse/3031 ---
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 the things that I suggest we do when we hang out are not because those are the
 things I most want to do, but rather because they are the things that I think
 you'd want to do.
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--- #193 fediverse/6093 ---
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 │ CW: re: politics-mentioned-cops-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 it's not always about minorities, though. sometimes they feel strongly about
 hard work and self-sufficiency or individuality or whatever. I'm telling you
 now: those values are shared by other ideologies as well.
 
 it's okay to prefer to be around people who are similar to you. That is a
 personal choice and it should be allowed. I mean, have you ever heard of a
 convent? a bunch of girls hanging out making out all day and - wait, what's
 that? it wasn't that fun? lotta clerical work and reading about god? alright
 well you get the idea, sometimes it's nice to feel comfort in similarity.
 
 it's okay to believe that people should work hard. It's not an imposition upon
 them to demand more of your peers, especially if you are willing to help them.
 Especially if they are willing and able. It's less alright to force them to.
 Even less so to "encourage" them by taking all of their stuff. Though I will
 say, being homeless isn't as bad as it used to be. Still hurts.
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--- #194 fediverse/6042 ---
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 my bodyguard leaves me. not that I need one. just... feels comforting
 
 [ooh ooh then what happened next] 
 
 my bodyguard leaves me. not that I needed one... just, felt comforting.
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--- #195 fediverse/3032 ---
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 again I just want to stress that if you find anything that I'm saying useful...
 
 you might be interested in these two links above all others from my website:
 
 https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/words
 
 https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/conversation-starters/conversation-starters
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--- #196 fediverse/4757 ---
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 @user-882 
 
 I kinda figure that people follow me for the alarms and the curses and the
 manic political dysphoria. I do try and CW when I can but sometimes I get to
 the end and it's like... okay I got 4 characters remaining, pol~ maybe?
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--- #197 messages/605 ---
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 There's nothing left for you at your home. It's okay to leave it all behind.
 Just bring the things that you made if you can, the things that reflect "you"
 - the most irreplaceable things, like family photos and precious small charms.
 
 Everything else is to be abandoned. If necessary in your particular case, dear
 reader, for I swear it to you in your face: we will not let these fascists go
 far.
 
 Come please, and help us. I don't care what you once owned, I don't care from
 where you claim is your home, just don't betray us and we'll take care of you
 and fight against the dark.
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--- #198 fediverse/808 ---
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 idk if they're still doing what they were when I last visited. That's the        │
 problem with the internet, that we rely on a domain name server. I mean like,    │
 c'mon what's the guarantee that they'd give you the right website? why not a     │
 website that expressed the message that you define in the website they came      │
 from?                                                                            │
 more than that, why not define certain websites for certain people, certain      │
 types or classses of people, which deliver website intentions that you define?   │
 are you really so certain, are you really so sure, are you convinced that this   │
 life is not what you've been searching for? are you more than your vengeance,    │
 are you more than your purpose [truth], or are you simply what you can do with   │
 your mirth? [hands, motions, body, manifestations]                               │
 are you like a failed message, are you constantly deterred - are you less than   │
 [convincing], are you only deferred?                                             │
 oh well. Alas. I guess that is just that [but pronounced thas] - shared in the   │
 moment, wee're ffeldered makthas. shaer de faleichallt, nez datherenshe v        │
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--- #199 fediverse/112 ---
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 I live through the moments where I find a folder of stuff I made that I forgot
 about and I can go back and see it for the first time.
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--- #200 fediverse/2141 ---
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 each and every single one of my posts is an act of improvization. I rarely
 edit, unless I run out of words, I'll try VERY HARD to make sure that the post
 is exactly 0 letters remaining. Sometimes I'll remove punctuation and flaws *
 transcriber imperfections*, but that's it. Like, if something needed a bit
 more context.
 
 also, sometimes I hit dead ends, so I have to stop and think about something
 new to pursue.
 
 I'm an improv actor, which is why I'm so good at handling the moment.
 
 I'm not great at stamina or durability,
 
 but I'm sharp as a tack and I think quickly.
 
 Not great at planning,
 
 not great at moving,
 
 or at a great range,
 
 but sharp.
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