=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/1609 ---
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│ CW: mh- │
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@user-1043
I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
stood there and thought
and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
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--- #2 fediverse/3437 ---
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│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
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@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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--- #3 fediverse/3975 ---
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@user-1631
for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
ideal.
... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
you toward people who "get" you.
like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #4 fediverse/861 ---
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I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I
could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and
forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a
disaster, anyway how's your lunch?
[that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth]
reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored
matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would
determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies.
I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time
you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll
only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to
you...
once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that
only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the
elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and
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--- #5 fediverse/1603 ---
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@user-1037
I made a picture, hope it helps! I swear I didn't hallucinate this thing but
it might be less cool than I thought and I might have misremembered and made
up parts of it, I can't tell because it was such a short memory : (
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--- #6 fediverse/534 ---
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│ CW: re: CW-added-nazis-mentioned │
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@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Agreed! That's why I never touch the stuff. Frankly I worry that if I did, it
would "infect" me somehow, because brains are kinda stupid. Or maybe it's the
'tism that makes me repeat the most taboo think I can think of in my brain
whenever it wants to hurt me -.-
Don't read that stuff. I wish I could forget every slur I ever learned,
because my internal monologue just... REALLY enjoys intrusively thought-ing my
internal narrative whenever possible. >.>
It takes real, genuine effort to not be racist or whatever because brains are
stupid, but like... it's kinda necessary to be a good person, so, y'know,
don't think bad thoughts about people you don't know? And if you find yourself
with intrusive thoughts related to that kind of thing, then focus your
attention on vanquishing them, because it's important. It really is. Just do
it. Work on it. Be better. I know you can. [says me to me lol]
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--- #7 fediverse/1157 ---
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│ CW: personal-woe │
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oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
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--- #8 fediverse/4088 ---
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I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
computers.
... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
back.]
I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
another person's generated conversation.
Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
[if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
and that somehow feels more... freeing
like a truly disconnected thought
and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
[proceeds to never edit a single post]
= so =
ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
be done
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--- #9 fediverse/4255 ---
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I think a lot of my problems would be solved if I could internalize the
thought/feeling of telling yourself "stay focused"
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--- #10 fediverse/5636 ---
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I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
and all they saw were the outtakes.
I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
but they never talk to me
so they don't know me.
oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
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--- #11 fediverse/5329 ---
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│ CW: the-world-mentioned │
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trying my best not to think about communism too much right now. Mostly because
I'm waiting for everyone to catch up... when the day comes when people stop
saying "based" and leaving it at that, then I'll make more theory. But as a
consequence of my queer nature I shall deliver such things in the form of an
insane twitter post on the fetlifeverse.
the world waits with bated breath in the eye of the storm. Nobody knows whats
coming, and everyone prays that it's nothing [short of revolution]
... I should probably go back to sleep, I just had to wake up and write about
linux or whatever...
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--- #12 fediverse/6449 ---
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currently have 20-30 tabs open with poems written but not posted.
I have no idea if I'm going to post all of these. I wrote all of them in ~2
hours, with maybe 3 or four being added as I was working on the production
elements after the initial bingewrite.
I also added a bit of context, or modified some of them that felt too cursed
or otherwise unwieldy. Sometimes I got distracted and needed to come back and
finish, and in those cases I only added a sentence or two because it's like
"oh, where was I going with that? I remember what was next, but I don't know
the further..."
... I think I might go for another. Wish me luck.
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--- #13 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #14 fediverse/618 ---
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Can't stop thinking
[the rest is left blank, as a testament to the inability of the author to
express their thoughts in a temporally contextual way. Presumably the previous
text would be followed by an "about..." with the rest dedicated to a
particular thought that felt important enough to share with the internet.]
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--- #15 fediverse/4654 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
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gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #16 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │
║ again. │
║ │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │
║ │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │
║ │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │
║ to [stack overflow] │
║ │
║ what's time if not the present amiright │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway... │
║ │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │
║ at heart I guess │
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--- #17 fediverse/814 ---
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║ ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should │
║ probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the │
║ implementation of my impending doom. │
║ │
║ ... what are you even saying bro │
║ │
║ ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in │
║ my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with │
║ anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical │
║ failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our │
║ conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um │
║ right what was I saying │
║ │
║ oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D │
║ except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook │
║ and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down │
║ to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like │
║ that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is │
║ isolated and en │
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--- #18 fediverse_boost/5734 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════════─────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She never got that chance, and things got awful after this. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #19 fediverse/1381 ---
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│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
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I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #20 fediverse/5698 ---
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you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
particular moment-event-message.
besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
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--- #21 fediverse/4562 ---
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I like being alone. But if I'm alone for too long, I suffocate. I start acting
like a weird nerd who doesn't know what to do with their hands.
If I spend too much time with people, I get exhausted and I can't think
straight. I start using other people's mannerisms instead of my own.
I'm not an introvert, or an extrovert, I think the dichotomy is stupid and
people have completely separate needs that deplete and recharge at their own
rates.
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--- #22 fediverse/581 ---
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@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
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--- #23 fediverse/4744 ---
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│ CW: cat-mentioned │
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me to my cat: "don't eat so much that you puke, okay?"
me to me: "yeah I can take on another task, I'm almost done with this one and
then I'll just do that one and maybe this one'll get back to me at the same
time as this one which conflicts with this other thing so maybe I'll just
puke, okay?"
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--- #24 fediverse/4754 ---
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@user-1201
once my country elected a fascist I started thinking. I realized "oh, it's
always been that way, this one just doesn't hide it" and so I started thinking
about the bread and circuses they so generously provided me.
I miss video games. Sometimes I play for an hour or two but only when I am
feeling burnt out.
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--- #25 fediverse/5452 ---
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│ CW: all-cops-are-bastards-mentioned-personal-ramblings-and-complainings-mentioned │
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I never rest. Not mentally. I find it sooooo much harder to get moving again
once I'm asleep.
But I've been sleeping lately, because it's "good for me" or whatever. Because
I'm "burnt out and need to heal" or something.
Damnit why is it so much harder to stop snuggling someone than it is to pack
up a tent?
I'm like the guy in Hot Fuzz, that one really good movie about cops. oops cops
mentioned one second.
I'm always moving, but, I hardly ever seem to be able to get anything done.
Why is that? Is the work just... endless? Am I ever a slave to my
surroundings? Or am I just cursed with a mortal form, a form destined to toil
in whatever way it finds itself contextualized in?
Maybe I should just stop complaining. Maybe work is it's own reward or
whatever. I don't think I'm depressed anymore, although good luck getting me
to feel any emotions except focus, and the call to intercede on another's
behalf.
I don't have time for this. >.
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--- #26 fediverse/1607 ---
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@user-1037
Okay I'll add you to my friends list so everytime I'm thinking about memories
of people by looking through the people I'm connected with on each platform
I'll remember you and our short quest to uncover the secret of the
thing-I-might-have-dreamed
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--- #27 fediverse/961 ---
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║ hmmmm let's see, what shall I do today? │
║ │
║ first I should get out of bed, │
║ │
║ then I should clean my self, │
║ │
║ then I should feed my self, │
║ │
║ then I should stare at the wall for an hour or three because there's too many │
║ thoughts, │
║ │
║ then perhaps I'll play a strategic video game because at least that's a │
║ productive way to exercise my brain │
║ │
║ I should probably get back to my friends, │
║ │
║ and oh dear my cat wants some attention. │
║ │
║ This place is a mess, let me just clean a bit │
║ │
║ now I'm so tired I accidentally take a nap. │
║ │
║ Good morning! Oh, it's the afternoon. Well, time for more food. │
║ │
║ After handling the essentials, I can tuck in and relax │
║ │
║ by doomscrolling on Mastodon. │
║ │
║ Then perhaps a bit later I'll message my boyfriend (he won't respond) │
║ │
║ and boy are there so many of these dirty dishes! │
║ │
║ Well, standing up is exhausting, │
║ │
║ so I should probably fall back asleep. │
║ │
║ What a productive day we've been having, │
║ │
║ for all of this past week. │
║ │
║ Maybe I'll do some drawing, maybe a poem or two │
║ │
║ maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or m │
![A screenshot based continuation of the end of the post, which went over the character limit by 36 characters. Of note is that this wasn't included in the original post, it was added later in an edit to be silly. The text reads: "maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or maybe I'll finish it just for you. [smiley face]"](/similar-different/media/67d820708ae5dc6a.png "A screenshot based continuation of the end of the post, which went over the character limit by 36 characters. Of note is that this wasn't included in the original post, it was added later in an edit to be silly. The text reads: \"maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or maybe I'll finish it just for you. [smiley face]\"")
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--- #28 fediverse/3865 ---
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│ CW: re: drugs-mentioned │
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@user-1218
oh, also, because I started taking some psychiatric medication to help with
the aforementioned delusional thinking or whatever. Honestly I think I just
believe in spiritual things like witchcraft and the human spirit or whatever,
but since I'm having difficulties doing basic things my doctors decided to
medicate me.
... but then I stopped taking those psychiatric drugs because they made me
feel numb and dense. It was hard to think. Thinking's all I do!!
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--- #29 fediverse/4543 ---
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@user-1698
Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
there terrifies me.
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--- #30 fediverse/3426 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
my grandpa died. now I have none.
I realized I miss old people. I miss their friendly culture.
I realized I hadn't talked to him for a decade or so. He didn't know I
transitioned.
I wonder if he missed me. I realized he missed seeing who I became. Is it
unfair of me to not give him the opportunity to know me? truly?
... I am quite different now than I was 10 years ago. He probably doesn't
remember.
I miss him, but I hardly knew him. I don't like that feeling.
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--- #31 fediverse/1659 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │ │
║ └───────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1052 │
║ │
║ you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I │
║ remain humble enough to survive. │
║ │
║ you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that │
║ align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well │
║ - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right? │
║ │
║ I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your │
║ best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all │
║ times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best │
║ version of me I can be. │
║ │
║ Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're │
║ failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed │
║ when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats │
║ alright. It'll be me next time. │
║ │
║ But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only │
║ when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself. │
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--- #32 fediverse/353 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-255
sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #33 messages/214 ---
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Gonna take a break from this whole thing. I got a sign that I'm a bad person,
twice. To confirm. I need to change, and since I don't know what I'm just
going to try and do nothing for a bit.
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--- #34 fediverse/5208 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
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--- #35 fediverse/5793 ---
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I posted my words text file all over the c it y today. not sure why. maybe I'm
tired of this course and I don't want to let anyone down? Maybe I don't know
what to do yet. Maybe nobody works with me because everyone's keeping it on
the DL or whateverr?
... anyway enough typing, I'm going to go play a video game. like god intended.
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--- #36 fediverse/3864 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: drugs-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
@user-1218
my ex boyfriend told me to
also I thought it would be a good idea so I could find a job, but now I have
one (sorta) soooo
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--- #37 fediverse/3879 ---
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@user-1614
yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
takes. I'm used to it.
Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
the moment? I feel different now.
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--- #38 fediverse/4252 ---
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sometimes I think I'd be better without social media.
And then I remember that it's the only way I know to talk.
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--- #39 messages/312 ---
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Okay. Consider: if I'm good, and hearing what I say makes you feel bad, then
what does that tell you about you?
Why else would you hear what I say if not to reflect upon yourself? And why
would the good reflect away from the types of things that make you a suitable
fit for capitalism?
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--- #40 messages/1068 ---
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why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
my own or external.
these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
for collaboration opportunities.
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--- #41 fediverse/1131 ---
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@user-850
true T.T I forgot about physical ailments. Was mostly thinking about
interpersonal relationships because that's what's on my mind rn in my life.
@user-5
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--- #42 fediverse/6271 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
![it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*](/similar-different/media/1c154109c4111346.png "it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. \"ah help I'm in a psyop\" haha yeah we do those all the time \"so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?\" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*")
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--- #43 fediverse/1082 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
"all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
? ? ?
well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
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--- #44 fediverse/4706 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned-nazis-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
"oh also I should mention that if you think about her too hard or too often
there's a chance she'll overhear what you're talking about anyway so try not
to think about her too much."
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--- #45 fediverse/2297 ---
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Lying wide awake at night with things that I want to say drifting through my
mind one by one
getting up to write them down? forgetting them all.
I think I'm just gonna leave my computer online to reduce friction hehe.
up and down, till everyone's in town, maybe I'll nap between tweets.
[they're called toots here, dummy]
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--- #46 fediverse/3756 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: LLM-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1071
I have plenty of things made, but none of it organized : (
Kinda makes me wish I could like... train an LLM on my social media posts and
use it programmatically somehow to help me organize my stuff into different
categories according to what kind of topic or style they were written in.
Hmmm......... There's no way I could do it, I mean, there's no way I could
organize and edit my stuff, but with the help of a computer I might.
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--- #47 fediverse/4345 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-883
every time I've tried to get a job for someone in the tech industry they
turned out to be a fed, so...
I do know people that you'd like to talk to, though. Just a few. That's all I
personally can do.
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--- #48 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════──────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world). │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ It's unthinkable, really. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ The good news is, I'm not like that. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Me? Mostly harmless. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #49 fediverse/2041 ---
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@user-1049
I haven't heard of that but I'll look into it! Honestly I'm more likely to
write my own script, it shouldn't be too hard just altering the /etc/hosts
file and then changing it back in ~15 minutes with a cron-job, as Nikky says
down below. I like things that I make myself because then if it breaks I know
who to blame! And who to go to to fix it. >: )
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--- #50 fediverse/510 ---
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@user-246
Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like
tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still
understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant
and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most
mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point
I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm
a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with.
Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone
forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess.
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--- #51 fediverse/795 ---
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│ CW: re: mh- │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-8
I get that. I don't cry anymore except in my imagination. Sometimes it helps
to imagine myself doing it though, like some kind of mental catharsis.
the body gets left out but at least the mind is soothed.
I usually am most upset when I'm lonely. Maybe you could find someone to hold
you close? I hope you feel better sooner rather than later.
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--- #52 fediverse/4835 ---
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sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
"hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
doesn't matter if you feel like it
just fuckin' do it
if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
(but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
long!!)
ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
many
(how many is too many?)
um. use your best judgement.
(how much does a dollar cost?)
... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
(neat!)
... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
just catchin' up with the gals
helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
(why does everyone always have an agenda)
because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #53 fediverse/2939 ---
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"you look like a mess who can't take care of herself"
oh haha that's because I'm a mess who can't take care of herself
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--- #54 messages/915 ---
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uh, anyway, I realized that because of Words I can type into any of my places
(wherever I felt it best suited) and it would still record as a chronological
story. must feel sooooooo schizophrenic, but it's just because I'm viewing
muse as I please.
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--- #55 fediverse/3645 ---
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me, sitting down at my computer in order to be distracted:
"I should make and eat a sandwich"
me, sitting down at my computer with a PB&J and peanut-butter fingers:
"I should be productive"
me, sitting at my "work desk":
"I'm hungry. And I'm bored. And I can't stop thinking about this video game I
haven't played in a year."
repeat
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--- #56 fediverse/219 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: time-and-death-and-stuff │
└──────────────────────────────┘
sometimes I feel like I'm a simulation of my past self based on my future
writings reconstructed by a backward looking computer calculating forward into
the present, which would then be the future to the now, which is different
than the NOW now, because the now that they're calculating from is temporally
both then (the future) and now, meaning that the NOW now is something that
transcends time, or perhaps if not time then it defies our expectations of
time, and you know what they say, you can't (or shouldn't) cheat death
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--- #57 fediverse/4200 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
"doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
and their hopes and dreams.
or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
...
... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
these precious stones of your kin"
but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
... the end...
(too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #58 messages/108 ---
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I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
(because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #59 fediverse/2496 ---
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... zzz ZZZ zzz ...
if sleep won't come I'll write down the thoughts that are keeping me up. that
usually makes it easier.
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--- #60 fediverse/5407 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┐
║ man, I had a kernel of an idea for how to make a warp drive this morning right │
║ after I woke up but my gosh darn girlfriend's leg was on top of me and it was │
║ sooooo cute and I didn't want to move so I tried repeating it in my head over │
║ and over for like, half an hour, and I ended up forgetting about 1/4th of it. │
║ Here's hoping 3/4ths is nice. │
║ │
║ it really was just about the underlying physics of the thing, which might be │
║ nothing because I'm not a physicist. But I had been watching ANDOR SEASON 2 │
║ all night so maybe that had something to do with why I was thinking of warp │
║ drives. │
║ │
║ eventually, my cat came in and sat on my chest and flicked her tail at the │
║ geef's face until she rolled over in absolute disgust (still asleep tho) and I │
║ was able to make my mistake. │
║ │
║ ... I mean, escape. haha that's a weird typo. │
║ │
║ anyway, the idea which I'm about to write down now for the first time which is │
║ stored only in my brain's memory RAM is essentially this: consider if there │
║ was a │
║ │
║ ----------------- stack overflow ---------------- │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #61 fediverse_boost/6162 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════──────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ i always somehow manage to succeed at things because i'm too silly to realize i was supposed to fail lmao │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
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--- #62 fediverse/2991 ---
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okay so if yesterday was a
"everything sucks and I'm the worst ever"
type of day, and today is a
"whatever mom I don't even care"
type of day, that means tomorrow will be a
"I can't believe how absolutely absurd I am"
type of day, and the day after a
"I am indomitable nothing can stop me"
kind of day, with the following being wildcards
... right? here's hoping. I like that trajectory.
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--- #63 fediverse_boost/778 ---
◀─╔══════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════──────────────────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ a message to all my haters! │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry what did i do wrong i’ll do anything to fix it i’m so sorry please i’ll do anything to get you to stop hating me i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #64 fediverse/100 ---
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@user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the
kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in
sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what
harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be
gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with
arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say
about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes
sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which
would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it
would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to
understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but
understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their
viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to
them. Empathy is like human telepathy.
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--- #65 fediverse/1362 ---
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@user-192
it suddenly became relevant in your life for a different reason and you wanted
to share it again to see if anyone wanted to talk about it so you could
explain your feelings and see perspective from someone who's maybe approaching
the same or similar thing from a slightly different angle?
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--- #66 fediverse/5791 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
║ yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to │
║ decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm │
║ going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS │
║ if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha │
║ that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff │
║ always ends up staying written down. │
║ │
║ anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10 │
║ hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right │
║ now, total happiness and excitement. │
║ │
║ Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least │
║ of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to │
║ appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even │
║ speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but │
║ difficult - to regain my intended trajectory. │
║ │
║ ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg │
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--- #67 fediverse/146 ---
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@user-138 if you don't want feedback then why don't you just... not open the
replies? leave them unread? if you feel the need to justify your actions (such
as not reading replies to your controversial posts) then somewhere deep down
you feel like those actions are unjustified, and needing an explanation. which
makes your point feel less valid to others, since even you don't believe in it
enough to guarantee it to be the truest expression of your soul.
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--- #68 fediverse/3302 ---
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"this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
setting
"this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
story and characters
"this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
gone
"I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
considered how society is designed not to have the best life, but to extract
labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
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--- #69 fediverse/2523 ---
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I just want to stress that most people know more than me
slept on my back. had a good dream. gonna shut the fuck up for a bit and see
what ya'll get up to. ;) 😉
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--- #70 fediverse/4540 ---
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most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
some people don't feel emotions
I think they're just depressed
some people can't stop
won't stop, I say.
really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
I think they're alright.
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--- #71 fediverse/1617 ---
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daydreaming about a gang of tough guys who goes around knocking down the
internal fence walls in suburbia and throwing potlucks for all the neighbors
for a month or two so they have social opportunities to meet each other and
make friends
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--- #72 fediverse/222 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel
like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though.
why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear
at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to
ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice
the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon
not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh
heh sweats nervously
damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones
stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain
clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important
enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you
to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on
the internet.
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--- #73 messages/1245 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
BRB, if you want to talk to yourselfs, I recommend opening a port in your
router and exchanging HTTP packets that create messages on each other's
computers. Can be done in a couple hundred lines of C code that can be 90%
premade or auto-generated. Then, once it's made, you don't have to think about
it again because it's so simple. It's not trying to scale, it's just...
designed for a small, focused, human oriented mindset.\
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--- #74 fediverse/2654 ---
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I'm not bitter, you're bitter. >.>
... okay, take a breath, you're fine. It's hard to handle negative feelings
when you're alone because other people can't boost you up. We rely on each
other for emotional stability, but when you're alone you can only feel your
emotions at the same rate as your thoughts. And your thoughts need to process
the events you're experiencing, using emotion as an "encoding" for preserving
the "meaning" of your life's story. Bit by bit you learn new things, while
living through life, and the lessons you learn from them are generated from
the cognitive conclusions reached by cognitively interpreting emotional
reactions to each moment. like "this-or-that thing happened and I feel
that-or-this way, meaning I should act such-and-such way in the future when
presented with situations that bear similarity to this current one that's
ongoing."
... turn it upside down, right, makes sense mastodon feed. thanks for
redirecting me in a different direction through your pseudo-randomized input.
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--- #75 fediverse/1612 ---
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@user-1040
also, I miss most of the names and faces in this archive and I think it'd be
neat to say "oh yeah I remember them because it wasn't so long ago and it's
weird how they're not around these days but I forgot about them because their
profile pic changed or maybe they stopped using mastodon or whatever" - idk it
feels empty sometimes because your follow list is always growing, but the
number of people who post seems to always go down. Or maybe I just read
Mastodon at unfortunate times when there's nothing going on. Who can say
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--- #76 fediverse/5029 ---
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went on a walk with my dad today. it was fun. took him to various places.
showed off various things. "hey check out where I hangout most weekends" and
"hey don't clean the dishes in my kitchen it's okay" and "don't drive too
fast, this area curves up ahead" and "hey meet my friends from town who you
have something with common with" and "I like this view when it rains" and
"don't forget to go to the bathroom" and "oatmeal is good with carrots and
sharp dried fruits" and "here's my favorite thai place" and "I made this after
I dreamed of you" and "hey wanna hear my product pitch" and "this is my
favorite kind of beer" and "I miss home."
picture unrelated.
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--- #77 fediverse/4179 ---
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okay, so, you could spend the next couple hours scrolling social media
or you could go for a walk in the rain
... is it raining where you're at? I forget. Ah well whatever. You could go
for a walk, whether or not it's in the rain, which surely would be a better
use of your time. What are you gonna find on social media that you'll remember
in a week? Hell, what will you remember tomorrow?
my mother used to tell me that "television rots your brain" and, yeah, social
media counts for that too. Thanks mom. I miss you.
... I could just call you, but it's the middle of the night for you. And
probably for me, I guess, WINK
in any case there's little to do today that can't wait for tomorrow. So why
not go on a walk? Even if nothing happens, especially if nothing happens,
it'll be good for you.
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--- #78 fediverse/3584 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
"If I look like a fool, it'll keep eyes on me instead of looking at my friends
who are stoned and paranoid"
maybe the friends are paranoid because you're acting like a dork and drawing
attention to the group
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--- #79 fediverse/2848 ---
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oh btw to the people trying to doxx me there's a picture of me in this
profile, but you'll have to read a LOT to find it. On the way, see if you pick
up anything interesting that you agree with. maybe you'll realize that we're
on the same team, and should be working together.
that's the dream, at least.
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--- #80 fediverse/537 ---
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@user-366 @user-367 @user-246 @user-353
Ah yes, wouldn't it be nice if everyone spoke their mind? I'm doing my part
d=(^_^)z
Thank you for adding context to what I posted. I now know better how and where
to use it, if I ever do again. We shall see, I haven't yet read the
examinations of the author you sent me. I'll do that before I think about the
post again.
Those 6 tabs I mentioned last night have now become 4, and soon I'll get
through all of them - reading is a joy to me ^_^
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--- #81 fediverse/1431 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-generic-kooky-dookerie-psychosis-schizophrenia-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
if you haven't spend hours wondering if you're god, the antichrist, a
cognitohazard, the future president of the world, a target of aliens / the
CIA, or any other number of common delusions... then congratulations you're
probably not crazy
but odds are you aren't magic, either.
... ehhhh "wonder" is a strong word, more like "know, trust, and believe"
much better to be a witch I believe, someone with the "teehee" kind of magic
than someone compelled to destroy humanity through the reactions of others to
the actions of the self that are impossible to resist or fully control.
BRB I'm going to leave my apartment to get groceries, leaving my door unlocked
because that's what I always do, surely it'll be empty when I return. Surely.
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--- #82 fediverse/5650 ---
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I exist now at the height of my gluttony.
I need more to be demanded of me.
I am not afraid to ask for help.
I solve other people's problems before my own.
I have very little insight into my habits and patterns.
My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter.
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--- #83 fediverse/4730 ---
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I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
fucking pay me for it.
I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
life lived under this particular roof?
I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
you uncomfortable?
Have a decent life.
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--- #84 fediverse/4080 ---
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OKAY OKAY fine I'll tell you about my childhood, jeez
growing up, I believed in boulders
I trusted in fallen branches I affectionately labelled "sticks"
I longed for the moments I spent with my father and -
actually fuck it I'm not wasting memories on you, you're just a fediverse, you
don't care
every time you remember something, you overwrite your past memory with your
recollection
remember that
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--- #85 fediverse/5300 ---
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how do I keep finding myself here. it's like I wake up in some new fingers and
think "woh, vavadane" and then start itching my bored keys.
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--- #86 fediverse/5841 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
I find maybe one or two days a week to work on my projects. About one or two
days to be spent publicly. The rest of the time I'm handling myself, my
chores, my girlfriends, and various mundane things.
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--- #87 fediverse/2221 ---
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@user-1053
I always wave at everyone I see, and I often talk to people on the train
(where there's mikes, tee-hee)
But I'll see what I can do. Perhaps resting in a park someone who wants to
know me with my salmon colored bike and my blue helmet will chance upon me and
we might get a chance to chat.
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--- #88 fediverse/1650 ---
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┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │
└───────────────────────────┘
@user-1052
am depressed... though I care less for society's opinions and more for my
adherence to my ethical morals. same effect different reason when it's time to
shame myself.
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--- #89 fediverse/1971 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned-probably-delusional-psychosis-idk-though-i'm-not-a-doctor │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
listen, if you didn't want me to do a bunch of drugs then why would you
consistently say "please stop doing drugs" every time I do drugs? And no I'm
not hallucinating a voice in my head telling me "please stop doing drugs"
because A. it's not a voice, I'm not hearing it with my hears, which means B.
it's definitely just a hallucination, and hallucinations are always to be
considered WRONG and BAD, right? Or was I not listening in therapy? Ah, well,
better take another hit, where's my shotglass? Hmmmmm I should watch Adventure
Time, that's a great show.
[bro it's a saturday, why are you getting turnt like it's tuesday]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #90 fediverse/4929 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
Art is only useful when skillfully applied, and Twitter taught ya to speak
whenever a thought passed your mind.
Really makes ya think
Really makes ya think thoughts like "I should post this on the internet"
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--- #91 fediverse/1065 ---
╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
║ not only do you have to consider your judgement, but also whether or not │
║ you're wrong. │
║ │
║ often, I find, as I learn things day by day, │
║ │
║ that I'm wrong most often in the day. │
║ │
║ "I don't want to be wrong but I'm not afraid of making mistakes." │
║ │
║ then, when you consider as such, you must also consider the idea that you're │
║ wrong about whether or not you're wrong about the idea that you're considering. │
║ │
║ schizophrenic warfare is a kind of memetic exchange, like the way bullets on a │
║ battlefield are a mineral-ic transfer. such is an expression that a regular │
║ computer system wouldn't be able to understand, but which an LLM might. If it │
║ had access to all of your transcripts, then it could predict the │
║ understandings at the same rate that you were. Essentially, understanding │
║ exactly why you did every action that you did. And then it'd have enough │
║ information to out-contra-dict (predict? hang on that's the opposite) you. and │
║ in doing so it could divert it's own course. Gosh this message will be │
║ meaningless unless I send it, s │
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--- #92 fediverse/2434 ---
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I spent most of today asleep. I guess that's what I get for chatting all night
with a stranger. gonna putz around a bit, should be nice.
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--- #93 fediverse/3738 ---
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"girl why are you so negative"
uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
makes me feel like a muggle.
"no I said why are you so naked"
oh, because it's hot as heck!!
plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
"extortionist"
no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
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--- #94 fediverse/1880 ---
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sometimes I decide against playing a Steam game because I don't want it to
jump to the top of my "recently played" list
Wish I could have like, a heatmap of when I played which game. I think that'd
be useful for the archival process of my life.
... how pathetic, she measures her life in gameplay.
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--- #95 messages/525 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
Why do I keep dreaming of embarrassing myself in combat situations?
Oh yeah, because all my paladins need me, and I'm a fucking baby. What did I
do to deserve this upon them. How could they learn from me? There is nothing
for me to be. I am ashamed of myself.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #96 fediverse/4273 ---
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┐
║ Some of my most wanderful times were when I lived in a gated community. │
║ │
║ My parents were dumb, and thought, as most people thought, that harm to a │
║ child can only come from outside of the community. │
║ │
║ But they fell for the lies of property, where "community" means less of "a │
║ group of people who cares and tends for one another" the kind of which my │
║ parents had never truly known, and more like "this particular residential area │
║ on the map" │
║ │
║ which means I could walk around in this gated "community" where the gates are │
║ little more than security theatre for anyone who says "Hi I got a pizza here │
║ for this address which I found on google maps" or "hey I left my sweatshirt at │
║ my sister's house and it has my phone in it, ummmm no I don't remember which │
║ number her house is, nor do I remember her last name" │
║ │
║ in those times, I developed a sense of freedom, caged as I was, that for most │
║ comes much later in their time. │
║ │
║ Some o my favorite places were part of the golf course next door, where I │
║ found a nigh endless river delta. │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║ similar │ chronological │ different │
╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┴──────────┘
--- #97 fediverse/1259 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
@user-895
hi! I'm Ritz Menardi, I'm a little strange. I sometimes post scary things on
here. I try to put content warnings on everything intense, but sometimes it
gets a little out of hand and I forget... I'm also a poet. Spiritual at best,
a little schizophrenic at worse, but at all times I try to be true to myself.
If you don't like the vibes I 100% won't be upset if you unfollow / block me
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #98 fediverse/3061 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #99 fediverse/3929 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
are you about to delete a post that you thought was funny, but actually wasn't
once you wrote it down and read it to yourself?
STOP
write it down on a post-it and put it under your desk or behind a drawer
put it in a .txt file in a random directory on your computer
send it as a text message to yourself
write it down, take a picture of it, and then burn the paper
y'know, typical stuff like that
do this and I guarantee you won't regret it
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #100 fediverse/3077 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
@user-246
If I didn't stop searching for a place with people like me, I'd be searching
until the day I die. And besides, I wouldn't want to be in a place like that
anyway. I am defined by my contrasts.
... I'm thinking back to my memories of when I arrived here. It was a much
different place, and I was... a little too loud, I think.
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--- #101 fediverse/5460 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
if you sit down to write and nothing comes to mind, then either nothing needs
to be said or maybe you should spend time reading instead.
... okey dokey, time to read I guess.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘
--- #102 fediverse/6363 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┐
║ somehow it feels so difficult to work on my projects. I really haven't a │
║ single clue why. │
║ │
║ HMMM COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE WALKING AROUND WRITING │
║ PICTURES OF CATS ON NOTEPAD PAPER AND LEAVING IT AMONGST THE FALLEN LEAVES? │
║ THINK, MENARDI, THINK │
║ │
║ gosh I wish I had the motivation to write this webcomic scraper, it's been in │
║ my backlog for a year at this point │
║ │
║ WHY DON'T YOU BUILD TOOLS THAT BUILD COMMUNITY LIKE COLLECTIVIZED VIDEO GAMES │
║ OR SYSTEMS OF DISTRIBUTION AND CREATION? │
║ │
║ gee I'm feeling kinda lazy, sure hope it doesn't get permanently added to my │
║ character sheet │
║ │
║ SLOTHFUL: -1 to all stats, -5 to vassal opinion, -5 to personal combat skill, │
║ -10 to ambitious and zealous characters, +10 to greedy characters because they │
║ can take advantage of you, enables the hesitant commander tactical choice │
║ because you're too FUCKIN' LAZY (and too hard on yourself, jeez calm down) │
║ │
║ ..... nah couldn't be me. I'm certainly not diligent, but I work hard. It's │
║ just hard to work myself up to getting up... │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║ similar │ chronological │ different │
╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧══════────┘
--- #103 fediverse/4468 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
oh look at me, typing my thoughts while doing chores. And you all get to
listen, you lucky ducks ; )
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #104 fediverse/4000 ---
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@user-889
Don't give up!
At least... not forever.
It's okay to take a breath every once in a while
It's okay to lie down and cry
The only way away from those feelings is through. They've enveloped you. You
need to swallow them whole, like a sponge soaking up dirt[y water]
the only thing you need to think about is what's around you. It's okay to be
alone for a moment, it's the best time to feel.
Remember, feeling is how you know the world! It's your power, to feel, and I
know it's hard. Everyone has different powers, but yours is this.
You'll be okay, I know it
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #105 fediverse/1225 ---
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@user-883
don't worry I can sift through junk. I'll write my own using yours as a
reference to debug why mine isn't working. "oh probably because I didn't do
this part here"
also, bad news. Guess I'm doing C programming. What should I make? I'm
thinking Tic Tac Toe or maybe a really basic Asteroids or something
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #106 fediverse/2286 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────┘
... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
[passes out from exhaustion]
exhaustion can be cured with a nap
exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
[internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
surrendering]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #107 fediverse_boost/4375 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════─────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ "It won't be so bad..." *rationalizations galore* │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "If only they'd listened to people like me when I said ..." (comforting righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "What more could I have done?" │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This only proves why I was right about ..." (more righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I know nothing. I need to learn more. I must learn from this somehow." │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I am not surprised." With a thousand yard stare. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This can't be real, there is a conspiracy..." (this is a path to madness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "Don't comply in advance." Said in a wavering shaky voice. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #108 fediverse/1195 ---
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@user-883
alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
picture, I'm kinda crazy:
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #109 fediverse/1293 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: fedi meta, the bad space, fediblock, misleading and untrue cw, uspol, speedrunning discourse, industrial revolution, aquarium tips │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-921
where tf is all this discourse I always hear about like what are ya'll talking
about
... are you talking about me
[silly intrusive thoughts teehee pay no mind]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #110 fediverse/2381 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
I smile at each and every person I pass on the street. Unless it looks like
they're having a bad day, and then I try to switch to neutral as fast as I can
so they can feel their feelings without me interjecting and making it about me.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #111 fediverse/5173 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
I almost said "did you know chickens don't always know which eggs they're
sitting on? They pretty much just share spots and keep all of the flock's eggs
warm"
but then I realized I should first say "did you know that chickens sit on eggs
to keep warm" and I got a little sad because... chickens...
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #112 fediverse/4486 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
gonna go on a walk. my cat is missing because I let her out last night. I'm
worried sick! this morning I almost puked all over my toes.
she'll probably show up when it gets dark. I bet she's hunkered down
somewhere. Ah, well, might as well walk around my neighborhood actively
searching bushes and such. Why not? It's not like I got anything else to do
right now.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #113 fediverse/4653 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: food-mentioned-sleeping-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────┘
phew, just got back from a long nap and I had such a lovely dream! Gonna write
down everything I can remember in my dream journal, will letcha know when I
have something to share.
Also... sorry about the sun. I have no idea if it was worth it because I woke
up quite a bit later. Ah well anyway gotta do some writing, I hope everyone
has a pleasant day. Make sure you eat nutrients and stay hydrated and do your
stretches and work on your posture and all that.
vegetables have minerals, fruits have vitamins, rice-and-beans or meat have
protein, and oils and fats have calories. try and eat a lot of different
colors of veggies and a lot of different colors of fruits (a green fruit and a
green vegetable are not necessarily the same nutritionally)
well brb goodnight gonna drink some water
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #114 fediverse/2951 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
I wish I could like... ride my bike somewhere for an hour or two, consult for
a bit, then ride home (or to the next place)
that'd be a fun way to apply myself, and it'd give me the chance to have some
space for myself. as long as I had time to rest, I'm usually only good for
half of a day.
unless it's a project with a lot of tasks that need coordination, like
building a house or working through a short-term urgent disaster.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #115 fediverse/6235 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-pics-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────┘
"hey what's up. can you borrow my phone for a bit? here's the password. you
can learn anything you want about me. I told all my socials that I'm away
until a secred code that only they know and me, so... ah nuts they're
definitely gonna forget that, focus on what you know"
... huh? no I'm just saying, if you want to get to know me, check out my
pictures on my phone
here's a read-only copy that you can annotate as you will. I got the originals
and their recipes on my computer at home. I recommend ms. paint for drawing
notes on them.
https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/output-pdf/output6.pdf
I'm an artist I make art but... not on purpose, it's just of me a part.
I fell asleep in a dream lately. I think I'm exhausted.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #116 fediverse/4043 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: not about anyone here │
└───────────────────────────────┘
@user-1259
yes
it makes it difficult to connect with them.
I find that people like that need a different context, if you want to connect,
so that you can see them in a new light.
if they're still ":(" then you can't waste your energy on them - they are
working on themselves. At least, they should be.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #117 fediverse/6302 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
I was going to go to location today, but then while I was considering going to
a different location before going to location I decided not to vacate my home
for today for reasons I don't understand but accept as natural and due to the
increased presence of directionless motion that guides and prevails me. which
is to say... I'm staying in tonight even though I really really wanna show off
my cute new outfit! I probably will do cannabis so there might be a
psycherwaul. If there isn't, then y'know it's probably because either my
girlfriend distracted me, or I managed to convince myself to move my feet
anyway. Maybe it's my outfit? I wonder if I could leave if I wore my old
clothes... ah well, questions for the vocal I guess. Gonna spend some time
divining and see if I can gather new insights. "brb door" except more like
"brb magic"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #118 fediverse/4528 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1695
never accept your own death
fight for every second of life, something something do not go quietly into
that grim dark
what the fuck are you supposed to do? Reading what you said got me pretty
fucking pissed - keep talking for a start, it helps, people need to be pissed.
I'm also broke as shit, don't know how I'm going to pay rent and eat, but
it'll get done.
Where do you live? Can other people help you? Medications are an
organizational problem, not an insurmountable barrier. We'll make it work.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘
--- #119 fediverse/5512 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
I never give up
I'm just waiting my turn
"laughs nervously"
so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
"girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
internet four or so years ago"
T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
a difference T.T
"didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
can talk about things other than their hats
... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
back around again they're never around. Rats.
"what are you even asking for"
I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #120 fediverse/628 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
eone who engaged first with the brain. Like... Electricity could be perceived
from an entirely different direction of reality, and we'd have no way to know.
That's just an example - could do gravity, or light, or any other extremely
elemental thing that we know.
MATERIALS, PERHAPS? PERHAPS THE STATURE OF YOUR KIND, THE WORLD THAT YOU'VE
LEFT BEHIND, HAS ALWAYS HELD REASON AT IT'S OWN BREAST? [fore-most, I think]
right so sorry for being mentally ill on your timeline, it will happen again
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #121 fediverse/4810 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
I can type my thoughts 1000x more coherently than I can speak them. Hence why
I post here.
feels useless to speak 1on1 - feels insular to speak to a group. Hence why I
speak here, which is totally public that anyone might see, and somehow I feel
so much more productive engaging in an endless conversation with myself.
you can't win a war by walking in circles...
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────┘
--- #122 fediverse/4148 ---
╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┐
║ ┌────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: death-mentioned-abstractly │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I wish I knew someone who wanted to kill me. I bet I could present a pretty │
║ decent bullet pointed list of reasons why I actually deserve to live, thank │
║ you very much, alongside a couple hastily scribbled notes about why it │
║ wouldn't be a good idea for them in particular to kill me, and all my contact │
║ details and address so they can get in touch and we can hash out the deets for │
║ my indefinitely suspended execution (suspended for an indeterminate amount of │
║ time, but not cancelled of course that would be overstepping their boundaries) │
║ alongside a link to my google calendar (I don't have a google calendar) so │
║ they can know exactly when I'm home and when I'm at the store or in a │
║ different place so they can break in and hide in the closet until I go to │
║ sleep so that it won't be hard at all, trivial really, to kill me, but see if │
║ you read the bullet pointed list... oh, you didn't get my email? Ah sorry │
║ sometimes it gets caught in the spam filter - what's your address again? Huh I │
║ sent it but │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║ similar │ chronological │ different │
╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┴──────────┘
--- #123 fediverse/2123 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
Every time you see the same dog being dog-sat by another person it's an
opportunity to make a new friend.
or do you not know your apartment neighbors? do they not wander through your
shared yards?
the ones with dogs, at least.
and no, I don't know many of my neighbors.
these are considerations to be taken note of for future forethought planning.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #124 fediverse/2350 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
I spent about two hours today (and a good chunk of tomorrow's stamina) chasing
a rabbit through a field. Can't help but wonder if that particular lead wasn't
as important as leading from the front. Ah, well, we'll see.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #125 fediverse/112 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
I live through the moments where I find a folder of stuff I made that I forgot
about and I can go back and see it for the first time.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #126 fediverse/4551 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-mentioned-in-relation-to-resisting-capitalism │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
oh no I'm feeling, uh... "depressed" or "manic depressed" or something else,
you pick this time, better go hide and work on organizational technology which
utilizes Risc-V hardware, fediverse software, LLM based anonymization, and
SoCs with multiple ethernet ports, oh nooooo how boring and depressing, if
only someone or several people who were bored and feeling like resisting
capitalism wanted to help out, all they'd have to do is get in touch with me
anyway bye
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┘
--- #127 fediverse/2424 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #128 fediverse/1042 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
└─────────────────────────┘
"your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
also,
"my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
said so."
also,
"I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
also,
"yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
also,
"every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
conversation I can't win"
also,
sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
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--- #129 fediverse/4087 ---
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there's a whole class of things I miss doing but can no longer do because I am
not a child anymore.
Balancing the weight of the things we miss and the things we believe in is the
struggle of adulthood.
I yearn for the day I can set aside my teenage-ish toys, but alas, I am but
30. Scarcely a decade away from my teens. Which means I'll be stuck with them
for at least a decade more.
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--- #130 fediverse/3434 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
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--- #131 messages/45 ---
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Description of me:
I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
in the dark - it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
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--- #132 fediverse/3841 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: socialism-recycling-mentioned1 │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ "I think I'm going to quit my job at the recycling center. Everyone there is │
║ just a little too catty for me. I think they like the verbal sparring but it │
║ just gets a little tiresome after a while." │
║ │
║ oh, sorry to hear that. Well if you still want to help out there's plenty of │
║ work to do. I could set you up at another recycling center nearby too, if │
║ you'd like...? │
║ │
║ "well, I like the idea of universal recycling. It was a little annoying when │
║ people would put food waste in with the clothing donations, and this one time │
║ I found like 8 bags of cat litter inside of a washing machine. Spent like an │
║ hour vacuuming everything out, which... actually wasn't bad. Kinda felt a │
║ little cathartic to clean it so thoroughly." │
║ │
║ "on the other hand I would like to use my mind a bit more, my creative │
║ projects are kinda in a slump so I figure I could use my body at home and my │
║ mind at work. I've been meaning to build a desk out of some spare hardwood I │
║ snagged at work but I haven't gotten around to it." │
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--- #133 fediverse/406 ---
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"imagine if this was the last thing you remembered"me, last night, in a state
of mind that I don't remember today
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--- #134 fediverse/3767 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
"having trouble doing anything at all because you have too many thoughts? Here
let's give your body a turbo-boost so that you won't be able to help but skip
those pesky mind critters!"
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--- #135 fediverse/1261 ---
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║ sometimes I run this WoW server with only like, 10 username and passwords. And │
║ they're all public. As far as I can tell nobody's ever tried connecting │
║ (whatever >.> ) but rather than set up a way to create your own │
║ credentials I just said "yeah pick one at random and play whatever someone │
║ else was doing because I like the idea of that" │
║ │
║ somehow, it felt right. │
║ │
║ most of my passwords (not all of them) are hacked and visible on the clear │
║ net. Like you could probably google my usernames and get my current passwords │
║ for things like, social media or my banks or whatever. I kinda like the idea │
║ that "you cannot trust anything I say, so think of the ideas behind my words │
║ and decide whether they hold meaning to you" rather than "execute these │
║ particular thought patterns in your mind as if they came from my voice" │
║ because one implies an exertion of control over the mind of the recipient │
║ -> obey my thoughts as I broadcast them into your mind, that kinda vibe. │
║ And I feel like you have to consent to that kind of thing hehe │
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--- #136 fediverse/4509 ---
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║ okay I know all of my spiritual followers are going to assume it's because I │
║ denounced AI and sacrificed it from my life or something but the truth is that │
║ she came home because of my own dedicated hard work. And a bit of lucky rain. │
║ │
║ My scent is all over my neighborhood. But rain cleanses, and today (well, │
║ yesterday, I haven't slept much tbh) it rained all day. Around 3am this │
║ morning it seemed to have cleared up a bit, so I walked in a straight-ish line │
║ to her last known location (about 2 blocks away) and then one block more. I │
║ walked back-and-forth several times, trying to spread my scent down near her │
║ nose-level where she could smell it by touching lampposts trees and such. I │
║ rubbed my fingers in my arm-pits every once in a while because I figured it │
║ might help. │
║ │
║ All of my prayers and my thoughts and my psychic rituals did NOTHING to solve │
║ my problem. No amount of despair or longing brought my kitty back to me. │
║ │
║ You know what did? │
║ │
║ I thought about it, I created a method, and I stuck to it. Thats it. ttyl │
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--- #137 fediverse/4275 ---
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@user-1646
I usually just repost it and say something like: [stolen from reddit] or
[stolen from one of my followers who didn't write any alt text]
that way if they ever come across your post they'll know what it feels like to
have a post stolen from them. Like how a blind person, happy to hear-read what
they originally posted, but aggrieved from the conversation by their lack of
alt-textual information, might feel stolen from if they happened across that
originally posted alt-textless post.
there are more blind people that use mastodon than queer people. At least,
that's what I once heard. Dunno if it's true.
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--- #138 fediverse/1328 ---
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@user-883
I read your essay on chapter 5! I liked your words. I had different thoughts
watching it (probably because of the cannabis teehee) so it was interesting to
hear your perspective. I want to watch it again so I can remember what I want
to tell you about it! Ahhhhh maybe tomorrow I'll read chapter 6's essay. I
gotta download those soon so I can show my IRL friends.
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--- #139 fediverse/3401 ---
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@user-1218
thank you, that's good to hear 🥰
EDIT: I was worried for a moment haha I guess my reach is pretty small so idk.
I think people stopped screenshotting my posts and putting them elsewhere
after I dashed everyone's hopes on my sleeve. And honestly I kinda deserve it
haha like what was I even thinking
... I wasn't thinking I was just feeling, and doing. Oh well.
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--- #140 fediverse/4085 ---
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I can always tell when people who believe in me start thinking of me because I
start feeling the urge to do pushups
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--- #141 fediverse/166 ---
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@user-147 years of practice. every time you delete what you said is another
chance to practice that slips away. writing is the easy part, you got that
down because you need something to delete, right? the hard part is being
received by others, and continuing the conversation as you direct it.
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--- #142 fediverse/1428 ---
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hello everyone, Discord is down for me and I can't reach any of my friends
over SMS.
You know I'd just... give you my address if you asked, right?
oh no sorry turns out they were just busy haha silly me why would I worry
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--- #143 fediverse/1889 ---
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@user-1091
I'm sorry I didn't mean to be upsetting! I'll try and be more considerate. If
everyone agrees there's never anything to talk about besides how great
everyone else is, and that's boring, so... I'm sorry I thought you liked what
I was saying from the stars on my comments.
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--- #144 fediverse/5934 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding
citizen.
I have to be, for I am loud.
... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once.
also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I
thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted
me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me...
She wouldn't let me take it back...
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--- #145 fediverse/2330 ---
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You cannot debase me, well, you can try. But for each of my past mistakes I've
learned from, and I can explain in detail how, when, and why.
To err is to be human, and some errors are more painful than others. Believe
me, I know.
I am only as good as my lessons, the things that I've learned on the road.
And I never stop learning.
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--- #146 fediverse/3766 ---
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│ CW: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────┘
gonna ask my doctor for ADHD meds so I can hopefully jump-skip framebuffer
divebomb spinadoodle half A press my way over the fucking labyrinth that is my
weird and jank af mind
and no I don't watch speedruns but my social group hears me a lot of them.
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--- #147 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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--- #148 fediverse/5525 ---
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I have this unreasonable compulsion that I somehow internalized at a very
young age.
I am always seeking to understand and defend the weak, the despised, the
forsaken
so if you ever hear me say things like "yes but what about the non-bastard
cops" just shake your head and go "oh Ritz, always trying to be the protector
of the weak"
I wish I could be the protector of the innocent or something like that.
Protecting the weak means you never really do a good job of executing final
decisive blows.
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--- #149 fediverse/4483 ---
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instead of reading the room, I try to be the room. I think that's part of
being autistic.
But it also helps things get going.
Whenever I see a subpost that might relate to me, I take it seriously, so feel
free to boost things that you know I'll read if you'd like to speak to me.
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--- #150 fediverse/1295 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: Mh- │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-889
my boyfriend gets like, 2 social spoons to spend per day. He usually uses them
on work because meetings and such.
On the other hand, I'm excitable and passionate. I'm constantly driven to
share things I find or think about. If you go on a walk with me without my
mask I'll spend the whole time showing you pretty pieces of moss and stones.
I usually message him once or twice per day. If the first one isn't responded
then maybe he just wasn't interested in the thing I showed him - the second
time he's probably burnt out.
It fucking hurts.
but I'm fine, clearly I'm fine, anyone who looks at me knows I'm fine
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--- #151 fediverse/5136 ---
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not really, I guess. Nobody will hire me because I don't really want to get
hired. Sounds boring, doing the same thing every couple days. I'd rather stay
at home in my [underwear/pajamas] and waste the day away with kittens and
care. why? why? what are you doing? she asks. The less you can do, the more
power will be granted to you. Save it for another time, when things actually
matter.
but today, does, matter, because today dictates your latters. Tomorrow is
predicated. on today. and today is all that you have. [this paragraph in the
style of alec baldwin]
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--- #152 fediverse/2141 ---
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each and every single one of my posts is an act of improvization. I rarely
edit, unless I run out of words, I'll try VERY HARD to make sure that the post
is exactly 0 letters remaining. Sometimes I'll remove punctuation and flaws *
transcriber imperfections*, but that's it. Like, if something needed a bit
more context.
also, sometimes I hit dead ends, so I have to stop and think about something
new to pursue.
I'm an improv actor, which is why I'm so good at handling the moment.
I'm not great at stamina or durability,
but I'm sharp as a tack and I think quickly.
Not great at planning,
not great at moving,
or at a great range,
but sharp.
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--- #153 fediverse/3722 ---
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@user-1218
playing one of my 4 gameboys, reading some of my books or journals, using
their own brought devices, playing with my cat (she's not sociable but if you
don't mind her claws she can fight and that's kinda fun) watching something on
the TV, talking with other people, making / eating food, um... sleeping... and
"sleeping"... idk what else tho. Drawing? Getting stoned? I have lots of bad
edibles.
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--- #154 fediverse/3487 ---
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@user-1218
I like to have notes for things I found that will be useful someday, but not
today. I also throw in poetry that I write while I'm waiting for something to
happen (or if I have an idea that I know I'll forget)
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--- #155 fediverse/4942 ---
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@user-1755
... I do that, but I do it because I want to find common subjects to talk
about. Or I think "if I was working on a project, who can I ask if I need
help?"
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--- #156 fediverse/164 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: recreational slash medicinal drugs and neurodiversity musing │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-141 when I smoke cannabis it's like my ADHD symptoms drop to zero and my
autism symptoms go from 50% to 100%
I can't understand what other people are saying unless I ask for
clarification, but I sure as shit know the shape of the universe and can
fathom the chaotic ripples of causality and eternity. Too bad when I try and
talk about it all that comes out is "desu desu"
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--- #157 fediverse/3880 ---
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@user-1614
oh, neat. now I can finally get to doing what I want to do, which is... all
the stuff I've been doing.
a missile without a guidance system doesn't stop just because it's GPS turned
off! It falls to the earth and explodes where it lands, which... often is on
it's butt. Not great.
I sure hope my purpose isn't fulfilled. I wouldn't know what to do with
myself. Guess I should just keep doing what I was doing, and pray that this
time I'll listen.
Though on the other hand, if I can do it, so can you. And maybe with enough
butts in the game there'll reach a critical mass, at which point change is
inevitable. Who can say, not I for sure, for my aplomb has categorized me as
slapstick I guess.
Ha. at least I can laugh at my own audacity. HA. next time I'll do better.
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--- #158 notes/what-are-breakups-for ---
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
OF COURSE you'll be sad.
it's okay.
it's natural. it's human.
don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
brb getting smashed
(okay but please put some clothes on)
-.- fine
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
I can't fucking relax
the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
this fucking sucks
I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
jeez
like.... yeah I'm flawed
*of course* I'm flawed
I'm a human being
humans are imperfect
... ugh
er, sorry, "bleurg"
I'm going to eat a burrito
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
henceforth.
... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
ideal.
I swear I'll be better.
there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
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--- #159 notes/new-texting-app-idea ---
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when you type the letters they slowly fade in on the other person's screen
like miniature explosions from layers of gunpowder
forming letters in the sky
anyway the text would "burn" into existence slowly and you had time after
typing
your words to go back and edit them but also whatever you said was semi
permanent. Thus forcing a smooth and ideal progression toward thinking about
the things you say.
Also separate idea but it'd be neat if there was like... a show or something
that just recorded a person's desktop as they fucked around on the internet.
Call it... ambient desktopping. It'd look a little like those coding twitch
streams that just slowly update over time. Idk it's kinda cool
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--- #160 fediverse/4554 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: political-violence-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
can't fucking wait till we're done eating the rich and I can go back to a
simple life of playing with my cat, making video games, writing poetry (bad
poetry, but I like it) and hanging out with my friends.
gotta build the social infrastructure to get through this phase first, though.
something something echo chambers exist IRL too
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--- #161 fediverse/4526 ---
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│ CW: mental-health │
└──────────────────────┘
most people get intrusive thoughts like "punch that baby" or "drink some
gasoline"
my intrusive thoughts are like "who is she" and "we need you" and "lead us"
and "their strength is imagined" and stuff like that
gosh I don't know how ya'll handle it I'd be dead in a ditch if I was
neurotypical.
... intrusive thoughts are not typical
ah. Right. Nevermind then.
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--- #162 fediverse/3763 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-mental-health-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I think I'm a better writer when I'm sorta consistently taking the meds I was
using to self-medicate...
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--- #163 fediverse/2986 ---
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│ CW: negative-mental-health-mentioned-police-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
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I think the reason I feel so lonely is because I don't feel wanted.
people tend to like me, but that just means I'm acceptable to their social
standards.
I don't think I improve rooms that I enter. I think I make them worse.
or maybe I'm just upset because capitalism. When I run out of savings in a few
months, I'm going to kill myself, unless something changes, which I'm sure it
will. Gonna try and say yes to things -
suddenly receives a text message recruiting for uniformed police officers at
the department of homeland security
wait shit I take it back
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--- #164 fediverse/4178 ---
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oh, unless you meant "show me the t-shirt" in which case here ya go
don't get too excited, I attended for a year and then dropped out. Might have
even been a semester, I forget. It was sooooooo hard
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--- #165 fediverse/4243 ---
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so I guess I'm a chaotic-good witch paladin?
and yes I know "chaotic" and "paladin" don't usually go together, but...
somehow I make it work
... I should do more pushups. Practice with my sword some more. That part of
me's sorta been asleep for four-ish months.
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--- #166 fediverse/1303 ---
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@user-192
normality?
banality?
errrrr I mean emotional disregulation and low self esteem?
... it's easier in person when you can see when everyone has the "yo what the
fuck" look on their face and when they have the "wait what was that I was
thinking about snails" face
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--- #167 fediverse/3860 ---
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since I quit cannabis like, a month ago or whatever, my artistic output has
dropped by ~90%
my house is a little cleaner, but I still feel consistent spikes of negative
emotions.
I still have trouble with all the same things I used to, like buying
groceries, filling hormone prescriptions (seriously why is it EVERY month
jeezzz) and working on productive projects
I still spend hours staring at the wall begging myself to do anything else,
like a prisoner in my own form
I still feel like all the delusional thinking is still around (kinda hard to
tell haha who would have thought) but I'm seriously missing the magical
thinking, which was basically the same only it was fun and silly and positive.
Now there's only negativity.
I'm still hyper-critical of myself and others, I still make myself and others
feel like shit, and I'm still a bad person who believes all the right things
but still can't seem to make a positive impact in people's lives.
I'm so tired of failing -> learned helplessness T.T
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--- #168 fediverse/2172 ---
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@user-570
I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
can't tick
[off your list of things to work on]
habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
or pentameter or whatever.
anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
... hypervigilance strikes again...
I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
had so many more interesting things going on.
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--- #169 fediverse/1322 ---
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one of the greatest gifts LSD gave me was the ability to look in the mirror
and see a person beyond me.
your reflection has all the same emotions as you, and if you look at them like
you'd try to parse the feelings of a friend, you can learn a bit more about
how you're thinking.
... procrastination >.>
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--- #170 fediverse/4521 ---
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I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't
really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities.
On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a
good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and
yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if
they know me.
I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how
important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it.
I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody
chastises the mage for skipping leg day.
I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a
bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I
can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to
this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u
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--- #171 fediverse/3638 ---
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@user-206 @user-1576
sounds like I should have spent more time there. I was always pretty good at
convincing readers that the person I was arguing with was wrong or an asshole.
Or both.
At least, the Reddit upvote / downvote system told me so.
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--- #172 fediverse/5403 ---
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I expect nothing less from my people and prepare for theirs to be dumb as
bricks.
I am often disappointed in both directions, but that's okay, because I planned
for that too! Maybe that wasn't too smart of me, but I'd expect nothing less
than dumb mistakes made once from myself 😋 🥴 :ms_confused: 🤪
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--- #173 fediverse/1152 ---
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@user-258
wha... ya'll think I'm cool? Nobody's ever said that before (
[that's not true people have told me that before]
{though not recently heh I think you're cool too}
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--- #174 fediverse/4655 ---
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║ sleep? yes. play? nah. work? yes. fae? nah. well, maybe, I don't know. │
║ │
║ one year is all it takes to change history. and, like, I think we should │
║ remember past history, but tomorrow is herstory, because that way each one │
║ gets half of the timeline. future, past, etc. too bad herstory doesn't roll │
║ off the tongue... shestory? │
║ │
║ It's gonna get better before it gets done, and it'll get done until we're │
║ done. but, that's for tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, or in a week or │
║ two, who can say. Not I, surely not I, and I surely wouldn't want to. You need │
║ consent for that kind of thing, a clear commitment that me and my are ready │
║ and in line. I'm just a silly witch after all, who would look to the girl with │
║ the tall red pointy witch hat and go "oh yeah she probably knows exactly │
║ what's up" because like, I don't, I'm definitely just coincidencing my way │
║ through life and seeing where my feet lead me. Gosh I hope I get some │
║ sick-as-heck callouses my feet kinda hurt for some reason. │
║ │
║ ... sleep, this is a sleep spell... │
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--- #175 fediverse/272 ---
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@user-206 I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable - I should have put a CW:
personal on it. I'll do better next time (if that's why it bothered you)
you're right, it's easy to dream of massive sweeping changes but small
incremental measurable and actionable change is often how things get done in a
stable system.
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--- #176 fediverse/4031 ---
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if you want to "not think about a purple elephant", the first step is to
imagine yourself slaying it
... okay how about cthulu - if you don't want to imagine cthulu nomming on our
gravity well, then picture yourself wielding a bright burning blade of fire
and vengeance and pay special attention to the way that you cauterize each
tentacle as you slice them one by one at first, and then in a massive flurry
at best, ultimately leading to the incomparable brightness that radiates out
from your shining blade of the sky, which blinds the poor beast who can't see
you as you approach, piercing the skull and then going home for some toast
if you can get good at that, then you can wield magic
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--- #177 fediverse/3491 ---
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@user-620
"hey I have an idea let's poke a wounded animal with sharp teeth until it
feels like it's backed into a corner because it's been spending the past
couple years ruminating and telling itself that we want to kill it and it's
children"
it doesn't matter what the truth is - they believe what they want.
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--- #178 notes/i-told-them ---
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10-22-2022
i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
you're broken just like your children.
oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
this feeling of wretched denial
oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
there's more to this show than our styles.
what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
to arbite the fate of circumstance?
every motion is an ocean
of possibilities and purveyals
think not of the commotion below.
gravity, oh gravity
how you condemn us to be!
driven by commotion,
our slithering motion,
no sense in countering ourselves.
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--- #179 messages/748 ---
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I personally would love to have my friend's messages saved on my computer
account. it'd be like a little time-capsule of them that I could randomly
scroll through or maybe display a random message they sent whenever I opened a
new terminal
sorta like words, only applied to a message archive. that of a friend or loved
one.
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--- #180 fediverse/3446 ---
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if I had an alternate mirror version of me that was almost exactly the same
except one of us liked almond butter instead of peanut butter...
I think we could probably manage two universes better than one.
it'd be nice to have someone who liked every single game that I did.
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--- #181 fediverse/3058 ---
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@user-1441 @user-670 @user-113
currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
"can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
no thanks, guess I'll die
(in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
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--- #182 messages/267 ---
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I wonder how many things I've forgot? More every minute, I'd say, and though I
try and chronicle them all... What's there to say?
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--- #183 fediverse/2336 ---
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I think I might stay out late tonight. For the past week I've been going home
before dark, but I might stay late tonight.
Tell your friends, maybe you'll see me. Preferably one-on-one, because social
media posts can be filtered both non-and-consentually.
Unless they're sleeping after having driven from a great long ways. They can
sleep. 🥰
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--- #184 fediverse/4336 ---
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gonna play more video games, currently have 11 tabs of written posts open in
my browser...
(okay a few of them get a little off-topic, but hey I have ADHD what do you
expect of me)
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--- #185 fediverse/5201 ---
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@user-192
is okay, girl
time will be richer sooner
don't poop your pants just yet
remember, good is just a shade of gray away from silver which you can use to
line your pockets with tinfoil hats
beep boop computer touchers anonymous called they said they want their secret
handshake back
if you wanna diss your associates go ahead but I sure as heck love my rad-ical
com-patriots just as much as I love my ice-cream salad friend witches
... whoops there I go being insane again, hope you feel better friend
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--- #186 fediverse/1398 ---
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I don't think I've ever appreciated a notification Steam has sent me about my
friend's playing games. If they wanted to play with me they would text me.
It does, however, make me think about video games more. And seeing their name
makes me think of them, which makes me feel closer to them without actually
interacting. Which is kind-of an anti-behavior, like facebook stalking
except... paying attention to what your friends are playing and when and how
much and... not good.
I know a lot of people who are permanently offline on Steam because of reasons
like that. But, of course, they can still see everyone else, which feels like
an anti-pattern...
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--- #187 fediverse/1718 ---
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dear old people - did you know computers don't need to have buttons? You can
literally just type what you want to make happen (if you know the magic spell)
and it'll just, do that thing
how cool is that
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--- #188 fediverse/1083 ---
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it doesn't really matter how you do it, but the more time you spend thinking
collectively the better you'll be able to adapt when necessary.
I grew up on a homestead in a small town without many friends. I was
homeschooled, and while I might see another person I knew once or twice a
month, that was about it.
Besides my family, of course.
We were a collective, and ever since leaving I have yearned for that feeling
of closeness.
There's something about modern society that pushes us apart, and I resent it.
Humans were meant for tribes, not multilevel marketing.
That being said, culture is pretty neat. Society is pretty neat, when it's not
being oppressive. I like the idea that I can buy carrots at the store instead
of growing my own. I like the idea that I can post on Craigslist asking if
anyone has a shovel they want to get rid of and someone can say "what the fuck
are you trying to bury someone why would you do that" and I'm all like "wait
no this post has gone off track can we refocus for a bit" and th
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--- #189 fediverse/2165 ---
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@user-570
hell yeah.
I never did any drugs at one.
I might have even been designated driver, though I might be confusing my
memories with attending gay bars in college.
Well, gay bar. There was really only one in my town.
And it was a nightclub I guess, open every night of the week.
The people that I was with NEEDED that experience, so I was like "yeah sure
I'm older and more experienced, I'll drive you and keep you safe and hang out
with you if you drink too much because being a kid that tends to happen
sometimes and don't worry I'll watch over you and protect you and make sure
that you are alright until it's out of your system so you don't make bad
decisions that have long-term negative conclusions
... you know, that kind of thing.
now I'm kind of a stoner though lol because it helps me get into my flow.
maybe I should practice "getting into my flow" so I don't need it, but ah well
we'll see how that goes.
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--- #190 fediverse/3936 ---
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you shouldn't trust me because I'll let you down.
I would never betray you. But when tasked with my own actions and my own
agency, I never make the right choice.
Like a rabbit who can always find their way home, I am drawn, almost
gravitically, to the path before me, a path which seems to avoid anything
resolute.
alas.
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--- #191 fediverse/461 ---
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I was raised in a jungle gym. Like... literally. I am not going to hurt you,
and if I did it'd be both a mistake and something that you could easily
recover from. We are infinitely adaptable, us humans, and we can address any
concerns that behest us. Behest? confront? something like that. Brb my blood
alcohol content is a little low. Also I haven't eaten anything today but
bacardi and chocolate chip cookies. I bet another cookie will solve this
problem.
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--- #192 fediverse/4470 ---
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to be "rich" is to have more than another.
if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
if you have community, they are alone.
if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
me and keeps me aligned.
Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
you do so too.
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--- #193 fediverse/2651 ---
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kinda tempted to make like, 20 different accounts on like, 20 different
mastodon instances and just have them repost all of the things I've written in
the past one-by-one-by-one until someone notices and calls me out on it
might get some more conversation, at least
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--- #194 fediverse/4973 ---
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okay, uhm, I'm back again because someone told me to forward this to relevant
people
relevant link so google doesn't have to know that you're all googling the same
thing at the same time...
http://naeb.brit.org/uses/
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--- #195 fediverse/4141 ---
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@user-1268
I often walk to the grocery store, even though it's on the other side of the
highway
also I will walk sometimes to meet people nearby
it's a fun occasion
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--- #196 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
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hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
it's tough to get to know me
and this probably feels cringe to read
but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
so... here's me
I'm
================================================== stack overflow
==============
... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
you
could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
that's how other lands you'd come to know.
As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
oops I should delete that part
[esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
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--- #197 fediverse/1818 ---
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my previous job didn't do anything to harm me. And yet I left. I let them down
in a way they could not have expected. Which was unfair of me, but I couldn't
resist it. I don't know what I'd do better.
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--- #198 fediverse/141 ---
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@user-135 if you're cringing at past behavior, then you've learned and grown
enough to see the mistakes of the past in sharp contrast to your temperament
in the present.
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--- #199 fediverse/4068 ---
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there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
stalin
never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
else we fall into shame and despair.
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--- #200 fediverse/2042 ---
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@user-1147
That's a great idea, I'm probably going to do that! I've had this problem
like, 7 or 8 times now and if I keep repeating myself they're going to take my
programmer socks away.
... I don't actually have any programmer socks. I should get some. Maybe
they'll just take my Thinkpad instead, that'd definitely be worse. D:
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