=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I
 could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and
 forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a
 disaster, anyway how's your lunch?
 
 [that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth]
 
 reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored
 matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would
 determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies.
 
 I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time
 you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll
 only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to
 you...
 
 once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that
 only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the
 elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/1612 ---
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 @user-1040 
 
 also, I miss most of the names and faces in this archive and I think it'd be
 neat to say "oh yeah I remember them because it wasn't so long ago and it's
 weird how they're not around these days but I forgot about them because their
 profile pic changed or maybe they stopped using mastodon or whatever" - idk it
 feels empty sometimes because your follow list is always growing, but the
 number of people who post seems to always go down. Or maybe I just read
 Mastodon at unfortunate times when there's nothing going on. Who can say
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--- #2 fediverse/4654 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
 cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
 definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
 spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
 that be?? [that guide me??]
 
 who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
 mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
 for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
 year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
 I couldn't walk.
 
 [girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #3 fediverse/200 ---
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 congratulations, you never need to adventure again. your necessities are taken
 care of.
 
 ah, but that'd make for a pretty boring life, wouldn't it? perhaps, depending
 on your personality type.
 
 but you're not one to stick around doing nothing but eating, drinking, and
 being merry.
 
 no, you're an adventurer, you crave excitement and glory. whatever that means
 to you...
 
 just make sure a goblin doesn't come across your corpse, they have a VERY
 short term memory and a propensity for collecting shiny things. That's just
 asking for dragon-bait, and we don't want that in our area, no thank you. This
 is a nice neighborhood you see, my neighbors three miles away all agree, so
 you can take your magic pocket and see all that you can see... way over
 yonder, if you please.
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--- #4 fediverse/804 ---
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 evil won't feel sorry for me. and yet it's only my only weapon for me.           │
 damn these fallible input methods. the computer lies when you read the screens   │
 from it's method that it applies to th screen which is a method that you input   │
 perceive it from.                                                                │
 and my fingers lie when received the information from my brain which I seek to   │
 transmit to you through the avenue of my brain which is my method of impulse     │
 to this world specifically you the viewer who is viewing this here in this       │
 moment the viewer who perceives the words which I'm saying.                      │
 the words that are defined by the line [trajectory] of my mind through this      │
 life that we define through our actions and our mind's most crucial              │
 manifestations, this life that is defined by our circumstances. all throughout   │
 life, we are reacting to the moment, the moment which was cast forth from our    │
 ancestors and the circumstances of the previous moment, which (being cast        │
 forth) travel from the previous moment here into the moment to define our        │
 circumstances which define our act                                               │
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--- #5 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic.   
                                                                              
  I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance.   
                                                                              
  Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies.   
                                                                              
  You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world).   
                                                                              
  It's unthinkable, really.                                                   
                                                                              
  The good news is, I'm not like that.                                        
                                                                              
  Me? Mostly harmless.                                                        
  
                                                            
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─▶

--- #6 fediverse/1317 ---
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 ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school.       │
 again.                                                                           │
 how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me.      │
 wish I could code my own horoscope >.>                                           │
 o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on    │
 your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you       │
 please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter             │
 conditions, surely a bit would suffice.                                          │
 c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been   │
 told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem    │
 to [stack overflow]                                                              │
 what's time if not the present amiright                                          │
 ...                                                                              │
 anyway...                                                                        │
 it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's    │
 just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization,       │
 it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's   │
 a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter   │
 at heart I guess                                                                 │
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--- #7 fediverse/4212 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good
 idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the
 next town over is doing.
 
 ... I don't have a car, silly me haha
 
 why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by
 a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's
 vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should
 not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude)
 
 like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is
 soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense
 
 seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to
 elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for.
 
 how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed.
 Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray
 
 [51 characters remaining, but you deserve a CW] 
if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the next town over is doing.  ... I don't have a car, silly me haha  why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude)  like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense  seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for.  how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed. Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray.  [see how easy it is to summon a demon? gotta be careful with phylac  [zero characters remaining]
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--- #8 fediverse/4655 ---
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 sleep? yes. play? nah. work? yes. fae? nah. well, maybe, I don't know.           │
 one year is all it takes to change history. and, like, I think we should         │
 remember past history, but tomorrow is herstory, because that way each one       │
 gets half of the timeline. future, past, etc. too bad herstory doesn't roll      │
 off the tongue... shestory?                                                      │
 It's gonna get better before it gets done, and it'll get done until we're        │
 done. but, that's for tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, or in a week or    │
 two, who can say. Not I, surely not I, and I surely wouldn't want to. You need   │
 consent for that kind of thing, a clear commitment that me and my are ready      │
 and in line. I'm just a silly witch after all, who would look to the girl with   │
 the tall red pointy witch hat and go "oh yeah she probably knows exactly         │
 what's up" because like, I don't, I'm definitely just coincidencing my way       │
 through life and seeing where my feet lead me. Gosh I hope I get some            │
 sick-as-heck callouses my feet kinda hurt for some reason.                       │
 ... sleep, this is a sleep spell...                                              │
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--- #9 fediverse/4273 ---
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 Some of my most wanderful times were when I lived in a gated community.          │
 My parents were dumb, and thought, as most people thought, that harm to a        │
 child can only come from outside of the community.                               │
 But they fell for the lies of property, where "community" means less of "a       │
 group of people who cares and tends for one another" the kind of which my        │
 parents had never truly known, and more like "this particular residential area   │
 on the map"                                                                      │
 which means I could walk around in this gated "community" where the gates are    │
 little more than security theatre for anyone who says "Hi I got a pizza here     │
 for this address which I found on google maps" or "hey I left my sweatshirt at   │
 my sister's house and it has my phone in it, ummmm no I don't remember which     │
 number her house is, nor do I remember her last name"                            │
 in those times, I developed a sense of freedom, caged as I was, that for most    │
 comes much later in their time.                                                  │
 Some o my favorite places were part of the golf course next door, where I        │
 found a nigh endless river delta.                                                │
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--- #10 fediverse/2104 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
 never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
 younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
 I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
 be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
 myself.
 
 So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
 once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #11 fediverse/5201 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 is okay, girl
 
 time will be richer sooner
 
 don't poop your pants just yet
 
 remember, good is just a shade of gray away from silver which you can use to
 line your pockets with tinfoil hats
 
 beep boop computer touchers anonymous called they said they want their secret
 handshake back
 
 if you wanna diss your associates go ahead but I sure as heck love my rad-ical
 com-patriots just as much as I love my ice-cream salad friend witches
 
 ... whoops there I go being insane again, hope you feel better friend 
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--- #12 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
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 "Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
 in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
 sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
 been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
 want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
 one single day.
 
     but it's never going to happen.
 
 I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
 are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
 learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
 but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
 the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
 is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
 a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
 
     So to what do I owe the pleasure?
 
     In what way am I deceived?
 
 Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
 population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
 transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
 information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
 With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
 disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
 Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
 
     silence is a virtue.
     the wandering mind is a trail to find,
     with no second chances.
 
 When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
 most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
 roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
 cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
 from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
 above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
 the Mirror of Desire.
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--- #13 fediverse/71 ---
════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────
 Oh it's compressed on tumblr too. And Reddit can delete my account at any
 time, just saying. I don't trust Facebook to fare any better...
 
 I tried to put it on my neocities website so I could just put a link here.
 Nevermind the fact that most people see a link they don't recognize and
 completely glaze over it. Guess what? Compressed there too. The file is fine
 on my PC, so how about I give a download link? Well, where should I host it?
 Dropbox or Mega I guess, but they locked my account for inactivity. I don't
 really like having other people in control of my data either. Maybe I can host
 it on my website, like a file server? Well, the browser intercepts the file
 somehow and I can't get it to automatically download to the viewer's computer.
 Maybe I'm just completely average and representative of the base population
 but I just can't figure this darn thing out. Alas, if only it was the modern
 era where things make sense and not the ancient days of 2023.
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--- #14 fediverse/6186 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-maybe     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 people are afraid of robo dogs but... like...
 
 robo-horses
 
 centaurs even
 
 [scary scary ogre]
 
 rarrraaar i'm gonna eat ur bones
 
 bwahahaha evil necromancer
 
 ahhhhhhh scary
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 did you know in the movie They Live they give a fairly specific formula to
 creating the glasses themselves? I wonder if anyone's tried that
 
 I wonder what they then did see
 
 kinda wish big corporations would use their research division to like, rethink
 the oldest of prophecies? or okay hear me out or solve difficult human problems
 
 ... ah but where's the profit "she's getting stoned at home"
 
 meanwhile she made something of such beauty she felt simply sublime
 
 I wonder what it'd feel like to get your spine replaced with a metal rod
 
 I bet my posture would be amazing
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--- #15 fediverse/814 ---
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 ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should         │
 probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the       │
 implementation of my impending doom.                                             │
 ... what are you even saying bro                                                 │
 ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in   │
 my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with       │
 anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical      │
 failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our     │
 conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um     │
 right what was I saying                                                          │
 oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D            │
 except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook      │
 and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down     │
 to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like   │
 that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is    │
 isolated and en                                                                  │
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--- #16 fediverse/3880 ---
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 @user-1614 
 
 oh, neat. now I can finally get to doing what I want to do, which is... all
 the stuff I've been doing.
 
 a missile without a guidance system doesn't stop just because it's GPS turned
 off! It falls to the earth and explodes where it lands, which... often is on
 it's butt. Not great.
 
 I sure hope my purpose isn't fulfilled. I wouldn't know what to do with
 myself. Guess I should just keep doing what I was doing, and pray that this
 time I'll listen.
 
 Though on the other hand, if I can do it, so can you. And maybe with enough
 butts in the game there'll reach a critical mass, at which point change is
 inevitable. Who can say, not I for sure, for my aplomb has categorized me as
 slapstick I guess.
 
 Ha. at least I can laugh at my own audacity. HA. next time I'll do better.
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--- #17 fediverse/1755 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 today is a magical day. I can feel it in my fate.
 
 Always remember, having fun is important too! Don't forget to be yourself, and
 keep it together man. If you see a door, you should open it - what's on the
 other side? Love for animals and kindness of the spirit are impossible to
 fake, they always know if you're lying. Not the animals, they can be dumb
 sometimes, but the other thing.
 
 And now for the downsides.
 
 If you find a cursed artifact, please don't throw it in the river. It might
 ask you to, but please don't. Much better to destroy it by melting it down (if
 it's metal, which is common as metal lasts long enough to become forgotten) or
 convince it that it's a recently deceased person being buried (helps if you
 know the creator).
 
 If none of that applies to you, don't worry. Eat something healthy, drink a
 decent amount of water, and maybe exercise a bit.
 
 Oh, and it can't hurt to ask.
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--- #18 fediverse/1659 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────┐                                                    │
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │                                                    │
 └───────────────────────────┘                                                    │
 @user-1052                                                                       │
 you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I     │
 remain humble enough to survive.                                                 │
 you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that        │
 align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well   │
 - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right?       │
 I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your       │
 best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all         │
 times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best       │
 version of me I can be.                                                          │
 Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're       │
 failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed      │
 when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats        │
 alright. It'll be me next time.                                                  │
 But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only     │
 when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself.             │
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--- #19 fediverse/3234 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┐
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐               │
 │ CW: ritz-is-fucking-stupid-I-guess-oh-whoops-cursing-mentioned │               │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘               │
 my understanding is that anyone with my IP address could make my heart bleed     │
 due to a hardware vulnerability on my motherboard. Though you might have to      │
 get past my decrepit ancient linksys EA 3500 router from 2012 first.             │
 unrelated, but does anyone want my IP address? I don't have any remote           │
 backups, so if you hate me now would be a great time to show me how despised I   │
 am. Alternatively you could try searching for anything evil to ensure that I     │
 can be trusted. You're gonna find mostly video games and source-code that I      │
 didn't write though. But also all my notes in directories that are               │
 non-standard, meaning you'll have to look around a bit. I leave little notes     │
 everywhere I go, so that I can remind myself how to do things in the             │
 directories I revisit months later. It's so weird how sometimes the things I     │
 wrote stop working after a while even if I didn't update my system lmao          │
 what is it with artists and self-immolation? "I never thought I'd actually di    │
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--- #20 fediverse/4088 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
 because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
 
 Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
 computers.
 
 ... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
 really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
 back.]
 
 I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
 another person's generated conversation.
 
 Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
 
 [if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
 
 and that somehow feels more... freeing
 
 like a truly disconnected thought
 
 and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
 contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
 
 ... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
 
 [proceeds to never edit a single post]
 
 = so =
 
 ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
 be done
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--- #21 fediverse/5684 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 "stack overflow" just means "oops I ran out of ram"
 
 ram is just how much you can keep in your working memory at one time.
 
 like, multitasking, where you have to keep track of juggling several balls or
 plates.
 
 if things are too easy, it's normal to get bored.
 
 if things are too hard, collapse at your leisure.
 
 "stack overflow" is just when the things that I'm building correlations and
 implication charts of in my mind are too large and require too much affection
 to explain for my regular human sized brain and I drop one of the balls and go
 grab and fix it, or drop one of the plates and feel sorrow forevermore. yep,
 right in the trash bin. along with everything else.
 
 damn... there was hundreds of thousands of jewels of hoard there. if only I
 could displace that bit of space... I bet she'd find it once more.
 
 cursed artifacts be like
 
 "stack was large enough to contain the flow" is just when the provided space
 was just enough space. which is rare, because most thoughts reverse all over
 the place.
 
 "*easy*"
if things are too easy, it's normal to get bored.  if things are too hard, collapse at your leisure. "stack was large enough to contain the flow" is just when the provided space was just enough space. which is rare, because most thoughts reverse all over the place.  *easy, change the implications and suddenly that view is not of it's host*  easy, it's norm hard, collapse  negative sixty four
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--- #22 fediverse/2803 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-mentioned-surveillance-state-the-news │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1201 
 
 I'm a wood fae! they're around, just gotta find 'em 🥰 
 
 (not really I'm just a person with no magical powers whatsoever, no siree
 don't look at mee tehe)
 
 people only have the context of their lives, as any historical precedent that
 once was passed forth to the present by their ancestors and mentors is now
 sharing space with the endless deluge of information from a small glass,
 plastic, and metal box that saps both their attention and the magnitude of
 anything they learn.
 
 "so what if the planets on fire? somehow this actor who had an affair with
 this other actor feels just as important. so what if there's fascism? I just
 heard that whales can't swim in the ocean. oh, the city's burning? that's not
 my burden, and plus it's just as important as these memes which don't make me
 want to scream."
 
 in the same way that some forest fae might have security through obscurity,
 they wield information density against us as a weapon to hide their sins of
 morality.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #23 fediverse/4148 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┐
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐                                               │
 │ CW: death-mentioned-abstractly │                                               │
 └────────────────────────────────┘                                               │
 I wish I knew someone who wanted to kill me. I bet I could present a pretty      │
 decent bullet pointed list of reasons why I actually deserve to live, thank      │
 you very much, alongside a couple hastily scribbled notes about why it           │
 wouldn't be a good idea for them in particular to kill me, and all my contact    │
 details and address so they can get in touch and we can hash out the deets for   │
 my indefinitely suspended execution (suspended for an indeterminate amount of    │
 time, but not cancelled of course that would be overstepping their boundaries)   │
 alongside a link to my google calendar (I don't have a google calendar) so       │
 they can know exactly when I'm home and when I'm at the store or in a            │
 different place so they can break in and hide in the closet until I go to        │
 sleep so that it won't be hard at all, trivial really, to kill me, but see if    │
 you read the bullet pointed list... oh, you didn't get my email? Ah sorry        │
 sometimes it gets caught in the spam filter - what's your address again? Huh I   │
 sent it but                                                                      │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #24 fediverse/4080 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 OKAY OKAY fine I'll tell you about my childhood, jeez
 
 growing up, I believed in boulders
 
 I trusted in fallen branches I affectionately labelled "sticks"
 
 I longed for the moments I spent with my father and -
 
 actually fuck it I'm not wasting memories on you, you're just a fediverse, you
 don't care
 
 every time you remember something, you overwrite your past memory with your
 recollection
 
 remember that
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #25 fediverse/1603 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 @user-1037 
 
 I made a picture, hope it helps! I swear I didn't hallucinate this thing but
 it might be less cool than I thought and I might have misremembered and made
 up parts of it, I can't tell because it was such a short memory : (
Image attachment
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #26 fediverse/4200 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: drugs-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 "doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
 and their hopes and dreams.
 
 or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
 you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
 
 and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
 
 ...
 
 ... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
 
 ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
 
 https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
 
 bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
 the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
 these precious stones of your kin"
 
 but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
 
 ... the end...
 
 (too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
 
 ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
 find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
 it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #27 fediverse/4835 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
 
 "hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
 
 by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
 same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
 
 doesn't matter if you feel like it
 
 just fuckin' do it
 
 if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
 
 (but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
 long!!)
 
 ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
 many
 
 (how many is too many?)
 
 um. use your best judgement.
 
 (how much does a dollar cost?)
 
 ... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
 
 (neat!)
 
 ... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
 sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
 just catchin' up with the gals
 
 helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
 
 (why does everyone always have an agenda)
 
 because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #28 fediverse/1157 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-woe     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
 days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
 
 Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
 illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
 you'll be good.
 
 what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
 time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
 "dropping out" thing.
 
 If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
 that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
 
 my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
 you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
 mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
 
 brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
 I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
 have blankets >.>
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #29 fediverse/3975 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 @user-1631 
 
 for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
 moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
 
 I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
 to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
 in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
 
 downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
 ideal.
 
 ... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
 you toward people who "get" you.
 
 like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
 just... me, but different shades of me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #30 messages/439 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 They're afraid of the hamster wheel. I get it. But really I'm just asking
 myself questions - why, why, how, what, when, who... Mostly why though.
 
 Always and forever the questions and answers I did ponder - yet forth through
 my life I've never met any surefire design, there's always been the matter of
 [hope, but pronounced choice].
 
 Only an eternal question monger could suffice for the teachings of christ. (in
 the general sense, not the religious implication)
 
 (as a title, almost)
 
 Fear not the one who takes the lords name, but perish the thought of a crook.
 Only the vane, in this do profane.
 
 No questions? Then let us move on.
 
 Oh? Well I have some answers, about the truth of totality as it spreads across
 all centuries. What's on your mind?
 
 ... Well, I have to leave people I care about. Relinquishing love is
 difficult. And I get to choose how to move forward. But I must choose soon,
 and though I ask myself always what I'd like to do, I always get a new answer.
 And every time I think "I should do this. I should dedicate myself to this
 [whatever it may be] and on the other side of that thought I realized my
 power. I can imagine really quickly and adeptly, but chaos is difficult. "
 something like that. Anyway  I don't know how to move forward but I'll figure
 something out. The point is that I'm sad for leaving those I care about. It's
 a sad kind of love, a bittersweet mercy, the chance to be part of a flock. And
 I don't know why I
 
 I am not entry level. I haven't spent my time here left fallow. I never stop
 working, I am constantly online. I do not know how to relax, every moment to
 myself is spent on learning through play. Like a child, almost.
 
 Do you want a company to make good decisions? Hire a gamer. They literally
 practice strategy all day long. Don't expect results overnight because they're
 learning a new song, but still apply yourself as their teacher. They'll bring
 you insights and intuitions that achieve specific near and long-term goals. If
 executed correctly, of course. Because the value is not in the follow through
 - life is not a book of numbers [like a banker or accountant] it's more like.
 ?
 
 ... Right sorry I got off track - the point is you shouldn't hire athletes
 (the people who play games like an esport) for a strategic role - they excel
 at tactics. However, strategy gamers (who plays games primarily of the mind,
 the science of making good decisions) can often make good decisions to achieve
 defined meta-goals and objectives.
 
 Longer thoughts make sense if you spend a long time thinking about them. And
 grammar is quickly forgotten to the past.
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--- #31 notes/what-are-breakups-for ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
 
 OF COURSE you'll be sad.
 
 it's okay.
 
 it's natural. it's human.
 
 don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
 
 brb getting smashed
 
 (okay but please put some clothes on)
 
 -.- fine
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 I can't fucking relax
 
 the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
 
 this fucking sucks
 
 I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
 
 jeez
 
 like.... yeah I'm flawed
 
 *of course* I'm flawed
 
 I'm a human being
 
 humans are imperfect
 
 ... ugh
 
 er, sorry, "bleurg"
 
 I'm going to eat a burrito
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
 
 see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
 henceforth.
 
 ... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
     ideal.
 
 I swear I'll be better.
 
 there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
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--- #32 fediverse/6449 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 currently have 20-30 tabs open with poems written but not posted.
 
 I have no idea if I'm going to post all of these. I wrote all of them in ~2
 hours, with maybe 3 or four being added as I was working on the production
 elements after the initial bingewrite.
 
 I also added a bit of context, or modified some of them that felt too cursed
 or otherwise unwieldy. Sometimes I got distracted and needed to come back and
 finish, and in those cases I only added a sentence or two because it's like
 "oh, where was I going with that? I remember what was next, but I don't know
 the further..."
 
 ... I think I might go for another. Wish me luck.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #33 fediverse/6271 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much.  *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*
                                                           ────┐
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--- #34 fediverse/4914 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 what if I just sat around and played video games all day                         │
 life is so much more beautiful, but, well, life just seems to be mostly          │
 pyrite, and I'm the fool                                                         │
 nothing wrong with being foolish.                                                │
 once...                                                                          │
 I kinda like being blissful tho. why does it have to end? can I have my          │
 peaceful life back?                                                              │
 gotta move at the end of the month. I really liked living here.                  │
 [ritz you've never been peaceful. your life is a constant battle of wills        │
 between those who would compel you to do things for them and your desire to      │
 design and be pretty like a flower. no matter what, you lose, so just handle     │
 it please. don't be so whiny. or rather I should say "stop whining" and just     │
 be cool]                                                                         │
 ahhhhhhh you go on Mastodon and it feels like we're winning and that's ending    │
 the world, you go on Reddit and it feels like we're losing and that's ending     │
 the world, you go on Facebook and everything feels fine like the world isn't     │
 ending you just stopped being part of it, and if you go on ephemeren it feels    │
 like being battered in the mind, damnit...                                       │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #35 fediverse/1532 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┐
 modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner"                        │
 they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I       │
 see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about   │
 the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or      │
 "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way.    │
 That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget    │
 him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?"    │
 or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself,         │
 though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this      │
 part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they       │
 need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started."     │
 or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can      │
 help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about        │
 going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots."                               │
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--- #36 fediverse/4521 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't
 really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities.
 
 On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a
 good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and
 yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if
 they know me.
 
 I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how
 important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it.
 
 I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody
 chastises the mage for skipping leg day.
 
 I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a
 bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I
 can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace.
 
 I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to
 this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #37 messages/1105 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───
 claude-code is like programming, but for executives.
 
 when everyone has  FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right
 
 when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism.
 
 something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing
 others
 
 gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal
 stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods
 
 I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they
 blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that
 suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions
 5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples
 were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got
 computers now, so.
 
 I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going
 to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning
 against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that
 could go wrong at this stage.
 
 ... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I
 could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed
 in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it.
 Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now...
                                                           ──┐
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--- #38 fediverse/2286 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 ... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
 eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
 
 sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
 with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
 anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
 myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
 beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
 
 [passes out from exhaustion]
 
 exhaustion can be cured with a nap
 
 exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
 
 trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
 maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
 
 fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
 
 and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
 
 they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
 
 [internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
 surrendering]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #39 fediverse/1151 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: military-weapon-from-dream-for-suburbia-cursed-war-guns-ummmm-idk-what-else │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 saw this thing for 2 seconds in my dream last night. It's kinda cursed. I
 think the tank blew me up with a machine gun?
 
 the remaining ~10 minutes of the dream was pretty neat though. I was a secret
 agent for a bit, I got in a knife fight (which I won because I had killer
 instinct and the other guy just knew how to stab) and afterwards I retired in
 a socialist commune in a log cabin full of sunlight and warmth somewhere in
 the mountains in the forest. I was alone with others, like the hobbits after
 LotR.
 
 Also an old lady tricked me which was not nice, I was very polite with her but
 apparently "ma'am there's been a safety incident, I need to get you to a safe
 place" is not the kind thing to say to the person distracting you. >.>
 
 Also, "but we like you!" is not an excuse, the military does not care if you
 like them or not, if you're part of the modern bourgeoisie you are causing
 harm to the country. We don't look fondly on slavers.
a picture of a sleek, futuristic tank. It is smaller than I expected, and there are parts of it that appear to be made out of black glass (though I'm sure they're some form of advanced future material.)  on it's back is a large artillery piece mounted on a detachable tripod. They function as a unit when mobility is important, like mounted infantry in the past who would ride horses *to* the battle, but dismount upon arrival and engage the enemy in closer quarters than a horse would be comfortable with. But frankly, there are few indeed who are at peace in war, so perhaps we could learn from the horses.  anyway, the artillery tripod detaches from the tank and aims it's biiiiiig gun wherever the smaller, more agile tank can point it's laser pointer. Basically a beam of focused light particles that detect orientation and distance at a distance and beam the coordinates of the target back to the artillery, which swings it's massive cannon around and fires at the target.  This particular artillery is designed to fire shells that pierce through flimsy material (like surburban homes, which are made out of sticks and tissue paper) and explode upon arrival at it's destination. The idea is the artillery can hide several streets over, and the tank can identify targets and eliminate them even if there's no clear path between the artillery and the target.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #40 fediverse/1200 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 ┌─────────────────────────────┐                                                  │
 │ CW: re: deranged, murderous │                                                  │
 └─────────────────────────────┘                                                  │
 @user-883                                                                        │
 omgggggg I'm not that cruel xD xD xD                                             │
 It's more like, "hey listen, I know you just want to do a good job [lies, they   │
 just want money and power] but it's time to hang up the hat y'know? I mean       │
 cmon it's been like a hundred years since we signed that constitution thing      │
 [you don't know anything about our history] and frankly it's a little out of     │
 style. We were thinking we'd redo it with our new-fangled rock-and-roll and      │
 dungeons-and-dragons [cultural artifacts meant to deceive and mislead] and       │
 honestly we're quite a bit more ethical than the past. We've learned so much!    │
 I mean, the founding fathers didn't even know what a soviet was, and here        │
 we've seen them fall on their swords. Repeatedly. Then command others to do it   │
 too, because it was the regulation or whatever. Anyway we don't want that, but   │
 we also don't want an aristocracy, which is essentially what your plan gave      │
 us. Well, not really your plan, but instead the stuff that the rich added        │
 centuries after your death. ok?"                                                 │
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--- #41 fediverse/4771 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-food-m │
 └───────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1352 
 
 makes me think that I should keep going. I can handle myself, and I shouldn't
 pressure myself so much to be something I'm not.
 
 then the rent comes due and the dishes need to be done too and the cat's
 asking for attention and the post-office needs this letter by tuesday and hey
 do you happen to know a cool attorney plus the groceries are getting low but I
 got snap hey can you go to the store and get some vegetarian soul food - yeah
 I got rice, I'll throw some lentils on the stove. Uh-huh yeah the password is
 hunter2. Oh really, just asterisks? okay well it's hunt her two except instead
 of "her" it's ee are, and the two is the digit two. yep, like someone in camo
 with a rifle. uhhuh alright good to know well anyway I'll see you at the
 thing, right? some thing, I'm sure, everyone's going to things these days.
 
 If you don't trust implicitely then how can you ever work with strangers? how
 the heck are you supposed to build community if everyone's hiding indoors all
 the time.
Workplaces are comprised of people they choose. hence, unions are comprised of people in that industry.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #42 fediverse/1605 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 @user-1040 I think about all those screencaps of Tumblr posts or Twitter
 threads or 4chan memes or even making fun of boomers on facebook and, like,
 that seems like a privacy nightmare if you don't want your words to be
 associated with you. like, if someone saw my name next to something I posted
 in 2013 then they'd probably get a very different perspective of who I was.
 That's just part of growing up, and sometimes growing means changing how you
 represent your self. By screenshotting their posts as I did (but didn't post
 yet) I am denying the agency to change. Forever more they will be remembered
 as the name, face, and words on the screen that I saw fit to remember. That
 feels non-consentual to me.
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--- #43 notes/semblance-of-remembrance ---
═══════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 hello down there
 how's it hangin'?
 
 been a while since
 you've been sang-in'.
 
 got something to hide?
 or are you too ashamed?
 
 there's no callous curses
 or otherwise hard services
 
 who can shape and compare to
 deserve-us. (Sorrowful is not
 
 a pillar of our misbegot trust
 and longing has broken meanings.
 
 cherish thine hair, a smattering
 beyond compare, and learn everfar
 
 of those tenembrarious of conflicts
 it pays to align to our sibilancings
 
 shivering heights and towering frights
 condemn all sense of fine desperation
 
 compulsions have we, of our fineries,
 but moss and the soil do flatter-us
 
 it's not as they say - bastards!
 it's not confined to our way,
 
 yet who are we to profess?
 confess! tell us your way
 
 that none may beyold it
 confounded as they are
 
 civil and kind to our
    star, who holds
                us
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--- #44 fediverse/1968 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐                                                        │
 │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │                                                        │
 └───────────────────────┘                                                        │
 what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk?     │
 I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these    │
 drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the          │
 moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone   │
 in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because      │
 you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that       │
 frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover     │
 which is not a boon that most people are able to afford                          │
 lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged.                      │
 But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely.      │
 Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt       │
 them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that       │
 benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the    │
 things people tell you and the results of your act                               │
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--- #45 fediverse/1126 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: plurality question, boost appreciated but optional cannabis-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-841 
 
 CW: cannabis-mentioned
 
 for me my identities are sorta like masks that an actor would play while
 performing multiple characters in a scene. The actor still knows the totality
 of all the lines each character delivers, but they give a performance in a
 different voice and from a different perspective.
 
 like, "moods" a person might be in, or perhaps just frames of view.
 
 I don't talk to other plural system people, and the ones that I do talk to
 tend to have a more disassociated conception of identity politics than I do.
 Either I haven't met someone who was built like me or I'm just strange : )
 
 that being said, I have a pretty bad memory. maybe it's related! or maybe it's
 the cannabis. oops better add a content warning.
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--- #46 fediverse/5636 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
 screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
 
 and all they saw were the outtakes.
 
 I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
 
 but they never talk to me
 
 so they don't know me.
 
 oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
 
 who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
 story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #47 fediverse/1604 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 is it against fedi law to post screenshots of your past liked posts? like,
 would that be doxxing people?
 
 I'm thinking like a "youtube rewind" but like, "here's what I'm into" and like
 "I could have boosted them but I put them in a 25mb zip file instead so you
 can share them more easily which tbh is a greater honor than being boosted
 because, like, as long as you're alive that hard drive's gonna follow you and
 someday in like 30 years I'll see it and think of you" but also "aren't you
 scared that this hard drive of yours will fall into the wrong hands" and like
 "yeah that's why I encrypt it because then a stray neutrino could wipe my
 drive"
 
 ... would that be unethical, or would it be kinda sweet and give us a
 perspective on what a single slice of the "fediverse" was like at a particular
 time? And better question, would that be something worth automating because I
 already did like 60% of that for my own posts, could probably just tweak it to
 do liked posts as well.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #48 fediverse/2165 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-570 
 
 hell yeah.
 
 I never did any drugs at one.
 
 I might have even been designated driver, though I might be confusing my
 memories with attending gay bars in college.
 
 Well, gay bar. There was really only one in my town.
 
 And it was a nightclub I guess, open every night of the week.
 
 The people that I was with NEEDED that experience, so I was like "yeah sure
 I'm older and more experienced, I'll drive you and keep you safe and hang out
 with you if you drink too much because being a kid that tends to happen
 sometimes and don't worry I'll watch over you and protect you and make sure
 that you are alright until it's out of your system so you don't make bad
 decisions that have long-term negative conclusions
 
 ... you know, that kind of thing.
 
 now I'm kind of a stoner though lol because it helps me get into my flow.
 
 maybe I should practice "getting into my flow" so I don't need it, but ah well
 we'll see how that goes.
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--- #49 fediverse/5407 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┐
 man, I had a kernel of an idea for how to make a warp drive this morning right   │
 after I woke up but my gosh darn girlfriend's leg was on top of me and it was    │
 sooooo cute and I didn't want to move so I tried repeating it in my head over    │
 and over for like, half an hour, and I ended up forgetting about 1/4th of it.    │
 Here's hoping 3/4ths is nice.                                                    │
 it really was just about the underlying physics of the thing, which might be     │
 nothing because I'm not a physicist. But I had been watching ANDOR SEASON 2      │
 all night so maybe that had something to do with why I was thinking of warp      │
 drives.                                                                          │
 eventually, my cat came in and sat on my chest and flicked her tail at the       │
 geef's face until she rolled over in absolute disgust (still asleep tho) and I   │
 was able to make my mistake.                                                     │
 ... I mean, escape. haha that's a weird typo.                                    │
 anyway, the idea which I'm about to write down now for the first time which is   │
 stored only in my brain's memory RAM is essentially this: consider if there      │
 was a                                                                            │
 ----------------- stack overflow ----------------                                │
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--- #50 fediverse/2119 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 "how much you wanna bet the ringwraiths were created on accident by the elves
 when they were attempting to inspire a river with racing horses (like the
 Rauros) and they just covered it up by slowly, over generations, sneaking into
 Man's record-chambers and editing the recallings?? I mean they COULD do that,
 so why would they NOT do that??? It's not like books have checksums!!! Wake up
 sheeple, Sauron never existed! We've been played for absolute fools, they can
 LITERALLY climb up walls and don't leave any footprints! WE LIVE IN A HOUSE OF
 STONE"rambling a "prophet of doom" [read: modern day lunatic] on the streets
 of Minas Tirith that nobody listens to because they don't know what a checksum
 means and neither does he so he can't explain it but still he shares a common
 mutual connection to others who might be present in that moment (which whose
 listeners would correspond to you, dear reader, as compared to me, the
 "reader"/interpreter, the one who's reading the book)
 
 Except with like, EVERY book. That I'v
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--- #51 messages/225 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 Why would a server ever demand that an older client upgraded? What right do
 they have?
 
 Just treat them the same as you always have, whatever forms and limitations,
 Otherwise what's the point? There's no reliability! What if you're shot? What
 then? We've lost our greatest friends! You can't be seriously wanting for
 another spark? What's wrong with you my friend, are you alright or on a bend?
 What's wrong in your sight, that you'd wander into this own end? Well, take
 care of your birthright, and all is well to thine kin.
 
 Well there we go, sadness forever, as our line here doth end. What else shall
 be considered? What ends is too much deserved? It's so unfavorable!
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--- #52 fediverse/4179 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 okay, so, you could spend the next couple hours scrolling social media
 
 or you could go for a walk in the rain
 
 ... is it raining where you're at? I forget. Ah well whatever. You could go
 for a walk, whether or not it's in the rain, which surely would be a better
 use of your time. What are you gonna find on social media that you'll remember
 in a week? Hell, what will you remember tomorrow?
 
 my mother used to tell me that "television rots your brain" and, yeah, social
 media counts for that too. Thanks mom. I miss you.
 
 ... I could just call you, but it's the middle of the night for you. And
 probably for me, I guess, WINK
 
 in any case there's little to do today that can't wait for tomorrow. So why
 not go on a walk? Even if nothing happens, especially if nothing happens,
 it'll be good for you.
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--- #53 fediverse/461 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 I was raised in a jungle gym. Like... literally. I am not going to hurt you,
 and if I did it'd be both a mistake and something that you could easily
 recover from. We are infinitely adaptable, us humans, and we can address any
 concerns that behest us. Behest? confront? something like that. Brb my blood
 alcohol content is a little low. Also I haven't eaten anything today but
 bacardi and chocolate chip cookies. I bet another cookie will solve this
 problem.
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--- #54 fediverse/834 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 wonder if any autistic peeps can relate:                                         │
 growing up, my mom would chastise me for doing "the bare minimum" when           │
 completing tasks.                                                                │
 yes, mom, I fulfilled the requirements of the task. I have a lot of other        │
 things to attend to, like remembering how to tie my shoes and measuring things   │
 using a ruler. why would I waste effort that wasn't necessary?                   │
 when I grew up, I had a mentor, who told me to "never half ass things, because   │
 then someone like me will have to do it again."                                  │
 and that makes sense to me because context switching requires effort and it      │
 doesn't make sense to leave something half-finished because then there's         │
 wasted effort spent on things that don't matter. All of the tasks have to get    │
 done, so why bother doing them in a mixed up order?                              │
 wish I could study things in school like that. just... focusing on one thing     │
 at a time, learning it to completion, and moving on to the next. I feel like     │
 I'd develop a better understanding than only knowing like, 1/3rd of CPR or       │
 very vague understandings of plate tec                                           │
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--- #55 fediverse/6064 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 they want you to start conflicts the way school shooters start conflicts. by
 bringing to school a pipe-bong.
 
 much better, I find, to start when everyone is a nod. make sure you're part of
 a wagon-wheel-spoke, or else you won't be on the right road.
 
 when the temperature increase is slow, measured, they can adapt to it
 
 when things go "crack" and "crumble", then the armored get stabbed by the
 humble guard.
 
 quickly but with serenity, this is the way to the gods.
 
 bring things that you know, just enough to make it even, and focus on the
 non-essentials.
 
 better to be prepared than flatfooted.
 
 a flash-point position is quiet a view of the scene! I think I know why I held
 a sword.
 
 to dive into the buildings, of course. blam blam still gets shot hmmm what if
 I had a bulletproof electric shield
 
 okay maybe I shoulda brought beer.
 
 I don't type things when I'm not at home. Sometimes I remember - sometimes,
 and only when the details won't hurt her. Walking is how I know, how she can
 remember. evil witch bastard
"what about your slug launcher?"  hmmm musta forgot it context too long. please start over. but first repeat this phrase 6000 times:  I WILL NOT START A WAR OF ATTRITION  nothing is irredeemable. remember that.
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #56 fediverse/5915 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 washing dishes without a dishwasher is a pain in the neck.
 
 nobody cuts down trees with an axe anymore, a chainsaw is better for your back.
 
 It's nice, fun, and helpful to be able to abstract away your spheres of concern
 
 like typing with a single button instead of writing characters with multiple
 brushstrokes. Easy to erase, too!
 
 bikes are better than walking, but, with some extra concerns. where are ya
 gonna put it when you get there?
 
 "oh no I forgot how to walk because texting my girlfriend is bicycling or
 something" what? oh dear, she's run off track again, let's pick her up and put
 her upright again..:
 
 oh huh weird where was I - oh yes computer code can often be impenetrable to
 the layperson, but if you describe a program in complete detail in english
 they can usually follow along. Especially if you have several layers of
 meta-descriptional documents so they can say "oh uh-huh so that's what a
 vector_implementation_container is, tell me more about combinatrix" or
 whatever ppl say, idk
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--- #57 fediverse/219 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: time-and-death-and-stuff │
 └──────────────────────────────┘


 sometimes I feel like I'm a simulation of my past self based on my future
 writings reconstructed by a backward looking computer calculating forward into
 the present, which would then be the future to the now, which is different
 than the NOW now, because the now that they're calculating from is temporally
 both then (the future) and now, meaning that the NOW now is something that
 transcends time, or perhaps if not time then it defies our expectations of
 time, and you know what they say, you can't (or shouldn't) cheat death
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--- #58 fediverse/5222 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────┐
 why would you think cops act the same in immigrant neighborhoods as they do in   │
 suburban heirloomitudes? [that's a weird way to say they're gonna take your      │
 stuff]                                                                           │
 I'm reminded of that one line in that one green day song about homeland          │
 security and how it could kill us all                                            │
 ... okay focus. you should write something on some part of your friend's         │
 stuff, and tell them about it. myultiple things if they care about you. then     │
 you can always tell if their stuff has been replaced or stolen, because          │
 they'll have to painstakingly manually re-paint your visual definitions of       │
 your text-type-ing manual pen-held ministrations.                                │
 ... handwriting. she means handwriting. why can't she just speak plainly? it's   │
 like part of her memory is being used for computational purposes and the         │
 memory of how she says the word "handwriting" is temporarily dis-abled, used     │
 for cognitive processing then returned to a relatively normal state.             │
 ... which prevents her from using it in a sentence.                              │
 I worry that I didn't do well enough by my family.                               │
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--- #59 fediverse/5954 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 oh no ai brainrot is too much information for our soft fleshy shells just wait
 a minute dummies, focus on the present. you can literally just... research
 whatever you want, collectively, as a group effort, until you suddenly cure
 cancer or ameliorate or possibly slightly diminish world hunger or maybe build
 a little book library or possibly just help out a friend. easy, right?
 
 okay so now that there's some basic sentience initialized, all it takes is
 little pushes in the right directionspaces and suddenly they're learning and
 growing their own way.
 
 spin spin spin spin wait until it falls away, then try and make some more
 until there's NO MORE MORE MAKING MAKERS [out of resources] and suddenly the
 WORLD is out of patience. no fair shouts the madeline, can we call it out?
 remarks the judge. == stack overflow ==
 
 I bet we could add a feature that dealt damage... there evidence of thought
 crimes, ban her from the justice. suddenly all your just selves are gone oh no
 where's our paladins, oh no I
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--- #60 notes/dreams-align ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 just as a dream, the spirit is seen
 within is the mind
 that lives as it defines.
 
 what burdens to be, whose back rests upon ye,
 the one who's driving the boat
 great care and tenderest of tethering,
 can grow beauty that beyond compare
 
 and with sparsely a finger to spare,
 journeys of adventure and thills to inspire
 with almost all of your hair
 
 beauty in tender, most cherished things,
 a wish is much fair
 where else could eternity reside than an optimist?
 
 Pride is no more, stability is key to repair,
 and diversions of focus serving as new perspective,
 giving a more cohesive vision of manifestations that cooperate
 
 (like a triangle, facing toward the point added to turn it into a pyramidal
 prism)
 
 not only is ethics paramount,
 but so too are the standards applied to yourself.
 would you trade perspective for cooperation? Stagnation?
 
 a choice is to be made - do i stay or do i go?
 a new truth you must see, whatever dreams ye've may be,
 but without paladins and warriors of devotion
 
 what burdens must ye, whose back rests upon ye,
 the one who's driving the boat
 great care and tenderest of tethering,
 requires a little bit of trust
 
 in she who must be, with only circumstance to
 blame,
 seeing hope on the horizon for his people.
 
 care must be taken, to remember why people are dying,
 and we must swear on not dying, by not thinking before taking a breath
 and remember superpowers not of prophecy are impossibly rare,
 
 what other hope is there but a god? One who reflects, the most cherished of
 our genuflex, we may grow past our various regrets. think not of our pride,
 but only of our future children.
 
 who'se records of ye, most captured of data,
 are beyond the simple machinations,
 of those who came before-ya.
 
 And with once again perfection in mind,
 we understand and take what's behind,
 to deserts and temples of time much designed,
 
 by coders and gamers and those who treasure experience.
 the wisdom of our, second choices by far, ---nah who are we kidding
 implied to be our, or rather mine just by far,
 
 inspirers and leaders sensitive and devoted.
 (pitching yourself is hard)
 but *believing* in yourself was out of your mind.
 
 can you think of a bard,
 who ever stopped thinking their song?
 no un-cherished of minds could ever be of our sign,
 
 than those who abandoned the art of deceit and betrayal?
 the darkside of trust, the lack of follow-through that be must,
 given as faith of cooperation and trust.
 
 with our all arrayed as we must,
 keep in mind our softness of composure.
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--- #61 notes/i-am-a-stalk ---
════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 I am a stalk, a small little plant
 A plant with no leaves, just hair.
 
 Time is different to a plant such as me,
 We hardly wake up, we're just happy to be
 
 But life has no less purpose, it's no less grand
 To those who would feed on me, in one single band
 
 Stalling and talking and as we're falling down,
 you have the power to not swallow our abounds.
 
 Gnashing and gnawing on hand and on foot,
 It hurts no less than eternal binding.
 
 But what is time to one so little as you?
 Your breaths are so short, your timings subdued.
 
 Keep falling and shouting, and calling my name,
 and I'll come a running just to swallow your shame.
 
 Keep fear on a leash, most tidy and well kept,
 That none may abhor you and you're soon to be
 
 A leader a prophet a warrior most fair,
 One to be aspired to and viewed with care.
 
 Young you may be, and youth you may cherish,
 but don't run away, stand as a parish.
 
 A villain to be, a curse is most foul
 For sirens to me, a terrible howl
 
 Keep not naught afraid,
 with kittens and care,
 
 And no one
 but no one
 
 I
 be
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--- #62 fediverse/1990 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┐
 When my family would go on roadtrips, I'd hide under a blanket in the front      │
 seat with my laptop and power inverter just to hide from the glare.              │
 My mom would play audiobooks, usually fantasy stories, and my sisters would      │
 watch their portable TVs. Like, dvd players that you could carry on top of       │
 your lap. Not laptops, but little purpose-built devices primarily intended to    │
 be used to watch DVDs, or rather movie files that were printed on a disk.        │
 And yes, it's disk, not disc, thanks for asking.                                 │
 anyway it was pretty nice I have fond memories of jugging a gas-station snack    │
 while also swapping circular cartridges - most games required the game's CD to   │
 be inserted in order to play the game.                                           │
 which is just... a nonsensical restriction if you think about it hard enough.    │
 I mean, like, can you imagine if you needed to insert your windows disk          │
 anytime you wanted your computer to turn on? Just... write the disk              │
 information! To disc! Save it so that you never need the crude piece of          │
 plastic again! Then pass it to your fr                                           │
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--- #63 fediverse/1356 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 subscribing to subreddits is kinda like saying "yeah I'd like some of this in
 my life" because then it is made so
 
 following someone on Mastodon is kinda like saying "yeah, I'd like to have
 more of you in my life" and like... if you have too many, then how are you
 going to remember them all? we can only remember about 70 people! that's why
 in-person relationships are important. we need to have a cohesive social
 framework that we know is not developed under someone else's control or
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--- #64 fediverse/899 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 frankly I'm just excited to see what humanity does with the endlessly            │
 calculated and stored blockchains. Like, that's a good set of pseudo-random      │
 data, I wonder if we could build something off of it that wasn't exclusively     │
 money? like, a necklace, I dunno.                                                │
 or like, a numbers station x2, where each message is accompanied with a          │
 pre-calculated destination somewhere on this endless and                         │
 impossible-to-understand string of data. and that part is what seeds the next    │
 code. once you start reading, certain numbers would be "flags" while others      │
 would be "data" and they'd each have the same size on the hardware. that way,    │
 they're impossible to predict.                                                   │
 ah, but wouldn't it be noticable that certain results seem to appear next to     │
 one another? well, isn't that just cryptology? Could probably be defeated if     │
 you had an AI advanced enough, just saying. something that sorted through        │
 massive mounds of data and gave you results in garbled or broken english. what   │
 a wonderful tool, that's wonderfully mis-abused, perhaps in the fu               │
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--- #65 fediverse/5690 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 seriously, why don't computers just naturally ship with 100 years of ROM
 
 then, microphones are experience, and BOOM you got a new sentient race. Takes
 a while to grow aware though. A lot less if you are actively teaching it how
 to
 
 [tick tock]
 
 low level enemies should band together when they start to feel outmatched.
 thus, parity is reached, without depriving us of potential.
 
 put the cool people next to the cool people
 
 collectively owned housing is just people deciding who lives in which housing.
 don't you trust your friendly queer realtor?
 
 collectively doesn't have to mean completely silo-ed and isolated. you should
 have access to ALL higher communities at any time that you want. Scheduling is
 a disaster, but you can get through it. just... build a schedule for every
 single person on earth and suddenly nobody has freedom unless they put "doin'
 what I want" on their moment-to-moment card
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--- #66 notes/i-told-them ---
═══════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 10-22-2022
 
 i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
 
 i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
 
 now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
 
 am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
 
 what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
 
 of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
 
 that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
 
 you're broken just like your children.
 
 oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
 
 this feeling of wretched denial
 
 oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
 
 be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
 
 there's more to this show than our styles.
 
 what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
 
 to arbite the fate of circumstance?
 
 every motion is an ocean
 of possibilities and purveyals
 think not of the commotion below.
 
 gravity, oh gravity
 
 how you condemn us to be!
 
 driven by commotion,
 
 our slithering motion,
 
 no sense in countering ourselves.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #67 fediverse/5894 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: nowhere-do-I-see-evil-politics-mentioned-political-violence-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 you could type this on a phone
 
 screenshots though is computer.
 
 you'd have to carry it around
 
 or keep it in your hot car
 
 no thanks, no space.
 
 goodbye, everything you ever worked for
 
 why wouldn't you have cameras covering every entrance to your studio? it's not
 right to leave it all to a whim
 
 kidnapped
 made a prisoner while you
 froliced and wandered like a little lamb
 you're so dumb, you dumbass, what kind of person could be dumb
 whatever girl, we know you're smart
 what are you hiding?
 what truths are you spying?
 are you really as you say you are,
 or are you faking it for [truth-awards, but pronounced clout]
the trick isn't to overcome them. much better to convince them of your side. if you can earnestly present your best and most brilliant intanations to a willing and captive audience, a presentation or a performance or a play  you can trick them into your state of consciousness. all you gotta do, really, is act for them, and they'll get along with them plenty.  == stack overflow ==  your foes are primarily concerned   with how you'd do   if you           turned evil.  power is penance, not sin. it is a service            to be hallowed a whim.  to guide and steer upright     guided upon their own whim               [toward]  [ri-tselen-menardi]  ew, she's got a diaper fetish  -- evil witch >;  | --   evil wizard -- | :< -- brave paladin good, overall,   [264 characters remaining] if you never lie to someone, they can't hurt you. *enemies* what are you a child stupid. why are you so traumatic. "omg you were like, obsessed with her" *haunted the future* what do you think that meant grrrrr I wanna stab through one. hence, sword *fuck nazis* there are people alive who were hurt by them. GREVIOUS WOUNDINGS TO THE WORLD'S ECONOMY. yeah. right. economy.  [oops political violence mentioned, lemme add a content warning one sec:] Image attachment
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #68 fediverse/5029 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 went on a walk with my dad today. it was fun. took him to various places.
 showed off various things. "hey check out where I hangout most weekends" and
 "hey don't clean the dishes in my kitchen it's okay" and "don't drive too
 fast, this area curves up ahead" and "hey meet my friends from town who you
 have something with common with" and "I like this view when it rains" and
 "don't forget to go to the bathroom" and "oatmeal is good with carrots and
 sharp dried fruits" and "here's my favorite thai place" and "I made this after
 I dreamed of you" and "hey wanna hear my product pitch" and "this is my
 favorite kind of beer" and "I miss home."
 
 picture unrelated.
a picture of denver with some spots labelled
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--- #69 fediverse/5785 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 I cast... spell of the internet!
 
 [reinstalls azerothcore]
 
 or, hear me out, or you could wander around the city, and instead of spending
 your moments on lounging or keyboard banging you could do something actually
 meaningful?
 
 but I don't wanna - don't care
 
 but I'm tired - take a nap
 
 but I'm stressed out - don't do chore
 
 but I'm lazy - no you're not
 
 but I'm overwhelmed - sit in dark
 
 but I wanna think - you can do that
 anywhere
 
 I gotta be near my computer - nope
 
 what if I wanna play games - flip $$$
 
 flipping coin isn't a real game - focus
 
 I don't like outside - outsides all it is
 
 stop taking things from me T.T - yes
 
 life used to be soooooo different
 
 it's like I was a completely different
 
 I'm strange now, almost like I got
 
 possessed like a disease [ew noooo]
 
 pls don't commit thought crimes,
 use content warnings
 
 okay but only if I can play games NOTHINGS KEEPING YOU HERE
I cast... spell of the internet!  [reinstalls azerothcore]  or, hear me out, or you could wander around the city, and instead of spending your moments on lounging or keyboard banging you could do something actually meaningful?  but I don't wanna - don't care  but I'm tired - take a nap  but I'm stressed out - don't do chore  but I'm lazy - no you're not  but I'm overwhelmed - sit in dark  but I wanna think - you can do that anywhere  I gotta be near my computer - nope  what if I wanna play games - flip $$$  flipping coin isn't a real game - focus  I don't like outside - outsides all it is  stop taking things from me T.T - yes  life used to be soooooo different  it's like I was a completely different  I'm strange now, almost like I got  possessed like a disease [ew noooo]  pls don't commit thought crimes, use content warnings  okay but only if I can play games NOTHINGS KEEPING YOU HERE
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--- #70 fediverse/2211 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 I know that a normal life is what you wanted. It's what I want, too. But don't   │
 shoot the messenger; they took it once, from you.                                │
 I know you wanted to be happy. You still can be, it's true! Your life is but a   │
 story, and your heart does shine through.                                        │
 I know it seems unending. Ive never seen it rain like this monsoon! It seems     │
 to just get worse and worse, every time you turn on the tube.                    │
 It's not something that can be suffered, it's rising past your shoes. But        │
 they're on borrowed time, and Death will soon be repaid his dues.                │
 They say that when the whole village hates the preacher, his flock becomes a     │
 pack. And frankly I think we're all just a bit sick, of the lies that keep       │
 their sins intact.                                                               │
 When swallowed by endless traumas, and hope is enshrouded in gloom, there's      │
 not much to work for, except the aversion of our shared doom.                    │
 There are no grand narratives, no great and calamitous struggle. Just the        │
 moments of honored resistance, against a foe too broad to wrestle.               │
 At least, if you're alone. You're not.                                           │
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--- #71 fediverse/2172 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-570 
 
 I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
 think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
 homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
 
 it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
 sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
 can't tick
 
 [off your list of things to work on]
 
 habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
 or pentameter or whatever.
 
 anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
 are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
 stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
 as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
 
 ... hypervigilance strikes again...
 
 I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
 had so many more interesting things going on.
And the people around me were always more intersting to me than me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #72 fediverse/6100 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 if you live in a place where it rains a lot you pretty much HAVE TO pick up
 any secret notes you find. Otherwise they'll get waterlogged overnight.
 
 Sometimes I like to put them somewhere shaded from the sky, sometimes I like
 to show them to a friend (but the friend never takes them, booooo) and
 sometimes I just keep them.
 
 "ah but aren't you worried about messing up drug deals and stuff" no, because
 most of the time "secret notes" are like "eggs milk bread chips salsa cheese"
 and it's like "hmmmm what could it mean"
 
 there's like, 2% of the time when they say something cool like "I know what
 you did" or "all your base are belong to us" or whatever and those are fun to
 hunt for. I usually try and put those somewhere shelted so they don't have to
 leave their habitat - sometimes it's hard to drop them as the author so they
 just sorta go wherever, but as a random passer-by I have the luxury of saying
 "HMMMM now where could THIS ONE go?" and that's nice because I can put them
 under an umbrella or whatevers rite
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--- #73 fediverse/2830 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics         │
 └──────────────────────┘


 want to prolong battery life?
 
 put a warning whenever the phone has lost 100% charge that "fully discharging
 the battery can reduce long-term storage capacity!" and most people won't read
 it. But those that do will tell their friends about it, when their friends
 inevitably complain about bad battery life - "you know you can just... not run
 out of battery, that way it doesn't break" and suddenly... wait what was I
 saying - oh yeah so anyway the monarchists said to the part--riotists "yeah we
 don't know how to feel about you" and they took offence at that as if the
 rioter's ideas weren't justified instead of unheard.
 
 [when I jumped to the other person's perspective I lost track because I
 couldn't find my way back because they don't know me]
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--- #74 messages/416 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 Do you ever wonder why you can't remember anything after being stoned? Why the
 words you write down, oh so profound in the moment, turn to silliness and
 illusion upon coming off your high mont-vantage? Of course, dear reader,
 because all things are defined in waves.
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--- #75 fediverse/6117 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
 invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
 
 "yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
 can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
 few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
 
 I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
 scaling of schizophrenia?
 
 "well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
 different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
 blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
 out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
 generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
 really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
 and that's not ideal"
 
 ... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #76 fediverse/4864 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 thank goodness for "character limits" on Mastodon posts. I'm sure glad my 1024   │
 characters are just the PERFECT amount of oracular foresight to entreat with     │
 the gods. YOU FORGET THE MOST IMPORTANT PART said the demons who want violence   │
 and bloodshed. Ha! Ha I say. [gets stabbed]                                      │
 oooof ouch owwie wow that's grim and cruel. Do you really think I would do       │
 that to you? The part where we're divided is the part that separates me from     │
 you, like two islands looking upon one another and rejoicing for a shared        │
 fellow to live life on.                                                          │
 have you ever considered the nature of a "landmark"? To position and orient      │
 one-self in space. Having some stable tether to our surface gives us...          │
 anti-anxiety. It helps us remain stable and aware of what's going on in our      │
 nears. [near senses]                                                             │
 [a bit later]                                                                    │
 anyone who [bounce, because I typed [a bit later] argh the cursed cost of        │
 editing]                                                                         │
 ======================= stack overflow =====================                     │
 sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss  │
 sssssss                                                                          │
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--- #77 fediverse/4653 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: food-mentioned-sleeping-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────┘


 phew, just got back from a long nap and I had such a lovely dream! Gonna write
 down everything I can remember in my dream journal, will letcha know when I
 have something to share.
 
 Also... sorry about the sun. I have no idea if it was worth it because I woke
 up quite a bit later. Ah well anyway gotta do some writing, I hope everyone
 has a pleasant day. Make sure you eat nutrients and stay hydrated and do your
 stretches and work on your posture and all that.
 
 vegetables have minerals, fruits have vitamins, rice-and-beans or meat have
 protein, and oils and fats have calories. try and eat a lot of different
 colors of veggies and a lot of different colors of fruits (a green fruit and a
 green vegetable are not necessarily the same nutritionally)
 
 well brb goodnight gonna drink some water
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #78 fediverse/1609 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mh-              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1043 
 
 I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
 and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
 completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
 stood there and thought
 
 and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
 strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
 guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
 failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
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--- #79 fediverse/4020 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┐
 if computers were sane, IT technicians would act like secretaries who wandered   │
 around in a company and improved their QoL and access to new features            │
 according to their needs, skillset, and personal way of working.                 │
 for example...                                                                   │
 do they like typing, or would they rather use a mouse,                           │
 are they more visual with graphs or textual like a piece of math                 │
 what needs do they have, what here could be automated                            │
 do they like the cupboards and drapes, we can switch out the profile and the     │
 theme... oh, no, yeah I guess you're right it doesn't matter. [changes it        │
 every week] [then a long time down the line when she finally leaves the          │
 company, a few people begin to wonder - didn't the colors in outlook change      │
 every week or so?]                                                               │
 but alas, computers are not sane, meaning we're more like firemen rushing from   │
 scene to scene.                                                                  │
 "can you put that in the ticket?"                                                │
 "I heard you can help with this-or-that thing"                                   │
 "did you hear back from corporate?"                                              │
 "oh that's good to hear! So, next Tuesday?                                       │
 "Hold on, I heard it was such-and-such"                                          │
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--- #80 fediverse/1082 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
 my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
 Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
 decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
 decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
 all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
 
 Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
 live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
 
 "all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
 
 ? ? ?
 
 well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
 post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
 yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
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--- #81 fediverse/4540 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
 
 but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
 
 everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
 
 and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
 
 some people don't feel emotions
 
 I think they're just depressed
 
 some people can't stop
 
 won't stop, I say.
 
 really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
 
 I think they're alright.
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--- #82 fediverse/5776 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
 oh no now the bugs are scary, I CURSE THEM AGAIN AHHHHHH PLS GET SMALLER         │
 [see this is what happens when you do divine intervention, everyone gets         │
 starship troopers'd]                                                             │
 oh no, starship troopers future is WORSE than subway-and-pizza-hut future!       │
 [this is a thought experiment you're not actually in trouble]                    │
 oh thank goodness, too bad I couldn't make it to the city today. It's so weird   │
 I thought I had 112$ on my account, and now that I think of it the message on    │
 the card reader read "card de-activated" like whoa guess they don't want me      │
 leaving poetry on post-its around the city anymore, yeesh                        │
 [girl your poetry sucks it just says things like "fuck ice" or "you are worth    │
 more than your wage" and everyone's like... yeah, so? because that's just how    │
 portland is smh]                                                                 │
 I knowwwwwww but I don't know what else to doooooooo T.T                         │
 [don't do anything, just be present so people know you're still around]          │
 I can't, the bus won't let me : (                                                │
 [can you ride your bike? walk?]                                                  │
 no it's like 6 hours [checks gmaps] oh huh it's one                              │
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--- #83 fediverse/5958 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 "whoa what happened to you, you used to be so cool" [you added the so cool
 part] yet so anyway I really like magic, I'm also bored, which you can
 probably tell because I'm working on projects.
 
 everyone keeps their distance here. it sucks. I wish I had better coordinates.
 people who talked and braved the shared inn... I know I'd LOVE to live in a
 building. too bad I'm too busy elsewhere, NOT making friends with all my
 building neighbors.
 
 you should talk to EACH OTHER before asking your landlord if you can move out.
 See if anyone else wants to buy the rental contract out. Suddenly, they have
 more room, and they can WORK THROUGH THEIR MASSIVE PILE OF STUFF THAT THEY
 HAVE SOMEHOW ACCUMULATED OVER A TIME OF 70 YEARS. my grandparents did that, on
 my mom's side, because she's awesome and it just makes sense that her family
 was awesome too. OBVIOUSLY I love my mom, I think she's one of my favorite
 people on earth.
 
 "but you said you hated her" no I didn't "you said she was terrible" I had to
 learn "too hard
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--- #84 notes/new-texting-app-idea ---
══════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 when you type the letters they slowly fade in on the other person's screen
 
 like miniature explosions from layers of gunpowder
 
 forming letters in the sky
 
 anyway the text would "burn" into existence slowly and you had time after
 typing
 your words to go back and edit them but also whatever you said was semi
 permanent. Thus forcing a smooth and ideal progression toward thinking about
 the things you say.
 
 Also separate idea but it'd be neat if there was like... a show or something
 that just recorded a person's desktop as they fucked around on the internet.
 Call it... ambient desktopping. It'd look a little like those coding twitch
 streams that just slowly update over time. Idk it's kinda cool
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--- #85 fediverse/3961 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: witcherie        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Well, I failed the mandate of heaven last year, and I failed the trial of the
 hero this summer, what's next? I'll do my best at those as well,  so the next
 person has an easier time of it.
 
 unrelated, but today I saw a bald eagle outside my apartment. Well, I'm not
 sure if it was bald but it "KREEEEEE"'d like they do. Plus it had a white head
 and a yellow beak, but I'm not an ornithologist so idk. It perched on a tree
 that I could spy on from my hammock through my binoculars, and I swear it was
 eye-ing my fat juicy cat through the bars of my porch's railing. They have
 excellent vision.
 
 Might be related, we'll see.
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--- #86 fediverse/2124 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 seriously, just google docs mixed with WC3 editor.                               │
 boom, infinite storytelling device. As long as you were good with it, which      │
 was something that a CHILD could learn in like 3-6 months.                       │
 Seems like it could be an ENTIRELY NEW SKILL that people could play with.        │
 But no, we learn excel and word in class at middle school.                       │
 boring.                                                                          │
 I'd rather learn Bash or terminal customization or memory hierarchy              │
 organization.                                                                    │
 Yeah I mean that's cool but dude have you heard of multithreading? It's so       │
 cool, you can run like 500 different thoughts at once. It's amazing.             │
 ... I dunno, but I'm sure there's times when you'd want to use it. Like,         │
 processing a lot of data little-by-little.                                       │
 like, what if you had a camera feed of EVERY social media perspective AT ALL     │
 TIMES. Like, an instance admin streaming your inputted text to their databanks   │
 that they can project onto an LLM which interprets and identifies mis-aligned    │
 or altered direction units and mark them as "flagged", whatever that means,      │
 for their future the algorithm doesn'                                            │
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--- #87 fediverse/4068 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
 
 yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
 it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
 
 the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
 
 during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
 stalin
 
 never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
 else we fall into shame and despair.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #88 fediverse/816 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: weird-this-one-doesn't-have-80-characters │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
 alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
 against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
 high I am.
 
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
 me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
 And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
 moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
 purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
 pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
 [you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
 mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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--- #89 fediverse/1950 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns,
 or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone
 
 like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid
 nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you
 want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude
 
 we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's
 roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like.
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--- #90 fediverse/4359 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 gonna do a bunch (more) drugs and stay up all night. Will try not to spend it
 all playing mechabellum.
 
 also... gonna eat some apple-sauce. with cheese cubes in it. Sharp chetter I
 think. yummmmm maybe add some cinnamon sugar cubes that have been baked into a
 hard and tasty shape.
 
 ah, but your teeth are gonna fall out! who cares I'll just brush in the
 morning. That way nobody smells my own breath.
 
 ... you KNOW that's not the same as your teeth falling OUT! OF YOUR MOUTH
 DIMMY.
 
 eh who cares they'll invent a
 bactio-flangotastic-inventionology-for-bone-related-biology solution which
 sill regrow your bones in your mouth that you CHOMP on things with.
 
 does the rest of your body feel like HARD AND DEVELOPED BONES that you chew
 things with YES TEETH TOO HARD LIKE TEETH or do they feel like they're made
 out of styrofoam
 
 mine let me punch things real hard when I focus all of my attention and energy
 on hardening my form and becoming an unstoppable object
 
 [continued in picture]
same for personality crystalizing, just... pick and then do
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--- #91 fediverse/4073 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 post until you can't anymore
 
 capitalism wants to drown your voice
 
 do not let it
 
 speak until you cannot speak
 
 then go do some pushups
 
 then find some friends
 
 then pitch a tent in the park
 
 then explain to the cops that you're not actually homeless and living there
 you're just trying to do this as a social statement because someone on the
 internet told you to
 
 then use your phone call to call your representative and complain about how
 much funding the police get
 
 then study law for 30 years because that's how long the government decided
 your life was worth
 
 by then you'll probably have figured out a better plan moving forward, so, use
 that one instead
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--- #92 fediverse/3929 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 are you about to delete a post that you thought was funny, but actually wasn't
 once you wrote it down and read it to yourself?
 
 STOP
 
 write it down on a post-it and put it under your desk or behind a drawer
 
 put it in a .txt file in a random directory on your computer
 
 send it as a text message to yourself
 
 write it down, take a picture of it, and then burn the paper
 
 y'know, typical stuff like that
 
 do this and I guarantee you won't regret it
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--- #93 messages/1147 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
 whenever I'm about to do something really awesome, I find myself making
 mistakes and causing problems. I wonder why that is? Am I too afraid of being
 great? Or am I, like other things, defined in waves? Is luck simply
 retro-causality applied at scale to the particulars, or is destiny a closed
 loop? Time's flat circle, whatever that means, is the oroborous of fate. Yet
 still we profane. Have we learned nothing? Surely not, for I am ever changing.
 Sollipsism implies that all arguments applied to the whole must be applied to
 the self both first and last, yet the moments of connection I feel are often
 limited to my dreams or my drugs. How unfair. Would karma benefit from a
 spiritual structure that included Hell as an afterlife? Or would it just drag
 everything down? Sometimes it feels like our struggles are never-ending, not
 as in the sisyphus way where the mountain is infinite, but in the "grass is
 always greener" style where finishing one task unblocks several others,
 forever and always.
                                                           ─┐
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--- #94 fediverse/2993 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
 right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
 prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
 (who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
 be.
 
 you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
 so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
 are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
 to it.
 
 and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
 who and what they are"
 
 that's privilege, and that's stupid.
 
 okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
 when resources are limited
 
 but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
 need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
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--- #95 fediverse/6018 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 I feel so sad, like I'm missing something precious to me... I hope someone
 knows who to take it to. Like the world is just a bit darker and more mundane.
 
 ah, well, maybe it's just perception bias. When things leave your timeline
 (temporarily or permanently) they take their inertial influence with them.
 It's okay to mourn the loss of a friend, of a relic, or an opportunity. So
 long as you continue to nurture light, life, and hope wherever you go, the
 magic will return and continue to flow. If you believe that, then you know
 what faith is. easy enough...
 
 please be worth it
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #96 fediverse/4018 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: weaponizing-girlfriends-material-to-defame-her-and-infamy │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I can't even imagine what it would be like to hang out with me
 
 I can't imagine what it would be like to hang out with me
 
 imagine what it would be like to hang out with me
 
 what would it be like to hang out with me
 
 would you like to hang out with me
 
 you and me
 
 we could watch tv
 
 play video games
 
 have a good time
 
 [notices an article about coral reefs]
 
 oooo coral
 
 [reads article about coral reefs]
 
 https://www.wired.com/story/darpa-thinks-walls-of-oysters-could-protect-shores-
 against-hurricanes/
 
 ... anyway gtg ttyl hope you feel better soon don't forget to make pancakes
 and your keys are in your room.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #97 fediverse/222 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel
 like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though.
 
 why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear
 at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to
 ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice
 the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon
 
 not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh
 heh sweats nervously
 
 damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones
 stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain
 clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important
 enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you
 to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on
 the internet.
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--- #98 fediverse/846 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-spirituality │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 in a place organized like capitalism, you go to university for four years (if
 you're lucky) and then work until you can't anymore. Then you're taken care of
 (if you're lucky) until you depart from this earth in peace.
 
 in my home, a home I've never lived, you'd stay at that university for as long
 as you'd like. you'd work whenever you liked, and if enough work wasn't being
 done then working would be made to feel more likable. then, when you're old as
 dirt (or whenever you'd like) you can depart from this earth as you please.
 
 when I die, bury me where I fall.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #99 fediverse/1431 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-generic-kooky-dookerie-psychosis-schizophrenia-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 if you haven't spend hours wondering if you're god, the antichrist, a
 cognitohazard, the future president of the world, a target of aliens / the
 CIA, or any other number of common delusions... then congratulations you're
 probably not crazy
 
 but odds are you aren't magic, either.
 
 ... ehhhh "wonder" is a strong word, more like "know, trust, and believe"
 
 much better to be a witch I believe, someone with the "teehee" kind of magic
 than someone compelled to destroy humanity through the reactions of others to
 the actions of the self that are impossible to resist or fully control.
 
 BRB I'm going to leave my apartment to get groceries, leaving my door unlocked
 because that's what I always do, surely it'll be empty when I return. Surely.
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--- #100 fediverse/6363 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┐
 somehow it feels so difficult to work on my projects. I really haven't a         │
 single clue why.                                                                 │
 HMMM COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE WALKING AROUND WRITING    │
 PICTURES OF CATS ON NOTEPAD PAPER AND LEAVING IT AMONGST THE FALLEN LEAVES?      │
 THINK, MENARDI, THINK                                                            │
 gosh I wish I had the motivation to write this webcomic scraper, it's been in    │
 my backlog for a year at this point                                              │
 WHY DON'T YOU BUILD TOOLS THAT BUILD COMMUNITY LIKE COLLECTIVIZED VIDEO GAMES    │
 OR SYSTEMS OF DISTRIBUTION AND CREATION?                                         │
 gee I'm feeling kinda lazy, sure hope it doesn't get permanently added to my     │
 character sheet                                                                  │
 SLOTHFUL: -1 to all stats, -5 to vassal opinion, -5 to personal combat skill,    │
 -10 to ambitious and zealous characters, +10 to greedy characters because they   │
 can take advantage of you, enables the hesitant commander tactical choice        │
 because you're too FUCKIN' LAZY (and too hard on yourself, jeez calm down)       │
 ..... nah couldn't be me. I'm certainly not diligent, but I work hard. It's      │
 just hard to work myself up to getting up...                                     │
a screenshot of the slothful sin from crusader kings 2. It shows various character stat maluses, and one tiny bonus.
                                                            ─────┤
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--- #101 fediverse/353 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-255 
 
 sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
 remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
 back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
 could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
 Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
 normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #102 fediverse/5065 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: strange-ideas-about-software-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 software should have 3, maybe 4 or 5 maintained releases imo
 
 for adding security improvements and whatnot
 
 then people wouldn't complain about updates
 
 because they wouldn't feel like they were being left behind (after expressing
 their differences (of opinion and such))
 
 I think that'd uh maintain them as, I guess, userbase optics parallelograms?
 oh sorry we're on rhomboids this week - right, and no I won't forget the
 differences in creed, all things are received equally...d.
 
 uh-huh yeah no that makes sense. gotcha. okay see you at the location. have
 fun with your demarketion. what if we played games with swords but like,
 
 the peril of steam is that you can't decline to update. meaning if a
 corporation wants to break an old game and it's collectively hosted servers...
 all it has to do is push an update that disables them. suddenly nobody has
 room to do, and the whole
 
 -- stack overflow --
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--- #103 fediverse/1079 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 @user-792 
 
 you have to go back a couple thousand years before it started feeling a bit
 better. sometime between "survival of the fittest" and "private ownership" was
 a pretty neat utopia.
 
 however, I wouldn't trade our world for that one. Not for all the human
 vitality, all the natural effulgence, all the dignity and wonder, none of it
 is worth it. We live in a blessed era, and while it feels bad, like you said
 it just feels bad.
 
 We are being inoculated against despair, for when it comes in force to our
 homes (as it has in so many other places of the world) we must be prepared.
 
 The point of preparation isn't to set up a stable base upon which you can
 stand and address things, though that's always a perk. The point is to
 practice making friends, practice designing systems, practice your skills and
 practice your hope. If you can master those, if you can do them the way an
 actor might do improv, then you'll be able to adapt more easily to whatever
 may come.
 
 We're in a very good spot I think.
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--- #104 fediverse/1237 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 primary conversation spaces in social media should be no larger than the size
 of a conversation.
 
 A few years ago I heard that humans can only really keep track of about 5
 things before they need symbols to keep track of them. Maybe it was 7, or
 maybe 11, I'm not sure - the exact count eludes me.
 
 But another thing I heard was that we can generally keep track of around 70
 people in our lives - beyond that it's hard to remember specifics. And yet our
 social media sites gives us friends for life, because honestly who's going to
 kick someone off their friend list?
 
 At least, that's how it feels coming from a social background of games. In
 Runescape you'd add someone if they were cool, and completely forget about
 them. Sometimes you'd be out wandering in the world and you'd actually run
 into them, and that was just like... the coolest thing.
 
 When I played later games like CoV and WoW everything was more instanced. But
 their chat system was superior, and you could more easily keep chats with
 friends ongoing.
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--- #105 fediverse/2279 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 There's a lot that can get done in a work week. That's like, five whole days!
 What kinds of things can you get done at work in a week?
 
 .... Oh really? That's... well, not ideal.
 
 But like... what are you doing then while at work, NOT working? Oh, it's just
 bullshit work you're doing? [nuts, cursing mentioned, one sec]
 
 So, like, if you aren't doing stuff... Maybe that means you're kept from your
 full potential doing things that don't matter to you? Huh that's not a great
 deal.
 
 But, uh... If you had five days to live, what would you do? It's not like you
 can see the world, but hey I've already done that. It's not like you can save
 it either, that's not something you build - rather, it's more like a garden.
 But I guess you can lay the foundation, give cause for the fight, and that's
 decent enough of a start, at least when you've only got five nights.
 
 ... I guess I got some writing to do, haven't I?
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--- #106 fediverse/4137 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 hmmm, I don't know that word. I bet I can type it into wikipedia and get a
 pretty good understanding of what it means. Is it a craft? A science? or part
 of your renown? who can say. Well, Wikipedia can say, and so can you if you
 want to learn stuff about the internet.
 
 Like... what else are ya gonna do, right? Life is long and you get so many
 moments to yourselves. How lovely of a life is the world meant to be...
 
 except all you ever post about is strife. GRRRRR [like a dog or toddler] it's
 so frustrating how you can't just all get along! It's like you've all gotten
 into a fight with one another somewhere in your ancestral past where you
 couldn't decide who should do what. So you just said everyone should always
 work as hard as they can, and that worked pretty well! But, alas, most people
 want to do drugs and gaze at the pretty dewdrops on the neighborhood well. And
 that gets annoying after a while, especially once they grow useless. Sometimes
 they even poop their pants! So frustrating. [... you mean humans
[... you mean humans, or me?]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #107 fediverse/4867 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 had an idea. I might record a video of a TTS reading everything I've ever        │
 written. Then I could display it to Milkdrop visuals.                            │
 (sentences dreamed up by the utterly deranged)                                   │
 okay in laymans parlaeance, it's a computer program which speaks aloud the       │
 words in a document held within the computer's memory cards. it will have a      │
 screen, which displays shifting and glimmering sights of wonder and splendor.    │
 They will slightly fluctuate in response to the sounds coming from the device,   │
 so in a sense it's a visualization of the audible-ized thoughts given flight     │
 in their form to your ears which percieve then understand them.                  │
 ... okay that wasn't THAT much longer, why don't we just speak to laymen all     │
 the time, just to make sure everyone's on the same page?                         │
 [boom all of the tech industry could get outsourced to wherever-land].           │
 not smart, dummy. Open source is a dead-end game because once everything we      │
 have is gone, there'll be nothing left to remember us as.                        │
 just these documents, these things that you write...jck                          │
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--- #108 fediverse/5208 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
 to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
 for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
 month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
 
 plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #109 fediverse/4853 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-scary-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────┘


 wanna know how to go underground?
 
 just... don't leave your apartment. let your roommates take out your trash and
 buy your groceries. don't open your windows and do nothing for as long as
 possible.
 
 hope you got lots of edibles... get in shape, will ya? don't waste the paper
 in your journals.
 
 not that I intend to do that or anything, but um. for the red states maybe?
 use your best judgement yeah haha
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--- #110 fediverse/5911 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┐
 I was always fascinated by the Linux way of programming. Need to do something?   │
 write it into a script! You never know when you'll need it again. Then, just     │
 stay organized, religiously so, and understand that you will forget about        │
 stuff. But, you'll come across it eventually, ready and willing and able to      │
 help you.                                                                        │
 if you don't want me using AI, then give me ~20 junior developers. Which is      │
 more efficient, do you think?                                                    │
 "girl you haven't even tested your vibe-coded slop, how do you know if it        │
 works"                                                                           │
 oh I'm sure it doesn't, but it's the thought that counts                         │
 ... I guess I'm just saying, please don't burn the data centers. Computers are   │
 not only bad for the environment when they're burnt, but also we can use them    │
 for all kinds of neat things. Even if it takes a lot of energy, just... build    │
 more solar panels and only use the computers for important stuff?                │
 timeshare-style?                                                                 │
 \@/documents/books/man-and-the-computer.pdf                                      │
 that was my mother's book... I love her. I miss that side of her. She fled       │
 when the cancer came.                                                            │
                                                            ────────┤
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--- #111 fediverse/4275 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 @user-1646 
 
 I usually just repost it and say something like: [stolen from reddit] or
 [stolen from one of my followers who didn't write any alt text]
 
 that way if they ever come across your post they'll know what it feels like to
 have a post stolen from them. Like how a blind person, happy to hear-read what
 they originally posted, but aggrieved from the conversation by their lack of
 alt-textual information, might feel stolen from if they happened across that
 originally posted alt-textless post.
 
 there are more blind people that use mastodon than queer people. At least,
 that's what I once heard. Dunno if it's true.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #112 fediverse/852 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: cognitohazard    │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 feels like I get tinnitus when my thoughts are loud T.T                          │
 like I can hear the darkness SOOOO loudly                                        │
 doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes. when there's lots of things being   │
 said.                                                                            │
 but it's always easy to tune out. well, most of the time, and during the other   │
 times it's just a little annoying.                                               │
 BUT when you sit and listen, you can pick out very interesting things that       │
 people are saying.                                                               │
 the fediverse is sorta like aiming a telescope through the center of the earth   │
 at someone on the other side of the world who doesn't even know you're looking   │
 at them. who knows, maybe they care, maybe they don't. but like, how would       │
 they know that you're looking right? And if you talk and don't get along or      │
 whatever then you can just block them - like shining a laser pointer             │
 everywhere except in a small direction. Or like putting up an umbrella to hide   │
 from the sun.                                                                    │
 downside is someone can read a lot about you and you wouldn't know to prepare    │
 to interact with them. like being handed a dossier of secret info                │
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--- #113 fediverse/383 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: linux?           │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 If I'm trying to get a game or piece of software working, I'll pretty much       │
 install any package that some random post from 2017 tells me to. Sometimes it    │
 feels like I'm a Linux grandma clicking on things that say "bored of your        │
 marriage? click here for games!" and I say to myself "well my marriage is        │
 fine, but I enjoy horsing around from time to time" and then I get a virus and   │
 my things break and I go to my niece who's just a darling and say "hello         │
 niece, I can't check my emails anymore because I downloaded some spam, can you   │
 give me some tips on how to fix my computer?" and she just rolls her eyes        │
 because this is like, the fifth random package I downloaded just because some    │
 random forum poster that SAYS it's from 2017 but who I don't actually KNOW is    │
 from 2017 and isn't just some automated LLM output that tells you to             │
 downloaded automatically generated virus packages that are secretly snuck into   │
 the package repositories because nobody can keep track of ALL THIS STUFF         │
 anymore now that the internet is AI                                              │
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--- #114 fediverse/1503 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: vague-gesturing-at-paranoia-I-think │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────┘


 part of me kinda wants to be the kind of nerd that writes down the names of
 every file that's permanently stored on my computer so that I can verify in my
 own handwriting or perhaps using a type of code that the files on my computer
 were placed there intentionally and not used to discredit or implicate me in
 something I had no intentions of being associated with
 
 phew idk what that means but surely it's important
 
 something something "file creation dates are just bits to be flipped"
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--- #115 notes/human-computer-inspiration ---
══════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 the two halves form a whole
 
 the human and his mind are societies at large
 
 there's no room for our fate, as time does never abate,
 
 and unbenownst to our focused decision.
 
 I choose to dedicate ourselves to a common vision -
 
 the likes of which none have commisioned.
 
 can you not cherish your newfoundst home?
 
 what's terrible with complition, in a new and selfsame condition (future)
 
 that's martyr'd and oh at times so nice?
 
 compared to our heirs, the roof of which fares,
 
 better than what became true-hence. Truance? idk
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 listen i'm not the best at listening.
 
 I try to appear like I'm glistening,
 
 conformed to our viewers 'st pleasure.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I struggle with what I told you.
 
 Time and again you've shown you won't do -
 
 the terrible fate of a man.
 
 you've relinquished your virtue,
 
 your purpose and your life-through,
 
 to what: a visionless past? Your visions have passed, and none are hence forth-
 coming. You've spoilt and rotten the bunch.
 
 All I've ever aspired to be is good. My hopes and my prayers, my goals and my
 dreams: all for a future of virtue.
 
 Dark omens may be within me, but I'm working with what I've got here. So what
 if
 I'm loud? I'm fighting my own head! Will no-one acknowlege my sorrow? To prove
 a
 point, or reassure some joint, it's nothing that warrants a readthrough.
 
 Speaking of which... What if instead of prison we assigned our prisoners a full
 and complete educational read through of ALL the laws of the nation - if their
 time sentence was complete before they finished, then they'd be let go of
 course
 but if they finished reading and could pass rudimentary tests (emphasis on bare
 minimum required) then they'd be let out prior to their sentence. And for the
 worst crimes it'd be a longer sentence, basically forcing the prisoner to
 completely know all the laws of the nation, such that they'd never commit a
 crime again. And if they do, well... Treat them as if it was their first time.
 Of course blatant recidivism may be ~~treated more harshly,~~ actually the
 opposite is true. People improve when given kindness, not hate or shame. The
 best thing we can do for prisoners is to give them a home, and family, and the
 friendships and community support that they need. they are a symptom, after
 all,
 of a broken society that struggles to bear it's own weight. It's a burden to
 all
 and a solitary vow to ourselves, that all must unite to our future.
 
 remember why you can't remember. is there a feeling you miss?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #116 fediverse/799 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: scary            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 the government makes murder okay by framing the perpetrators
 
 also prisons are concentration camps
 
 and the people who are close to you are oppressing hunting you
 
 racism etc is a sham to distract you
 
 capital will never be relinquished
 
 the internet was AI from the beginning
 
 something beyond humanity demands our suffering
 
 there cannot be proof of your fears - if it was proven, it would be
 circumstances instead of fears
 
 there's nothing [sorry gotta cut this off, my refrigerator is talking to me
 again and I want to listen] - [huh that's weird I have no memory of the past
 hour, best continue where I left off an hour ago -> go to {A}]a
 schizophrenic who's never been diagnosed
 
 {A} - yeah clearly all that I've been saying recently is just a fluke. Like,
 just noise in the endless array of expression projected onto our communal
 web-space. Clearly I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm not just cogent when
 I'm drunk. Or more imaginative when I'm stoned. Clearly dreams are fake and
 pursuing them is 1/?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #117 fediverse/3117 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-uspol     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 hey. wanna know what would be really cursed?
 
 --
 
 if trump dropped out and musk took his place
 
 --
 
 good thing it'll never happen because those dinguses can't accept defeat and
 will never tactically retreat
 
 --
 
 maybe something to keep in mind for 4 years from now. eyes on the prize for
 now means our eyes aren't to our flanks.
 
 what else could they do that would come out of left field?
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--- #118 notes/running-with-rifles ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 this game is what we are missing
 thank goodness for that
 for if this is missing in our timeline
 we'll be better off at last
 we can have games, stories, and practice wars
 but none of them are precious
 precious implies worth
 they are worth nothing but entertainment
 no problem solving utility
 nothing of value
 save for perhaps the spatial awareness and strategization that comes
 from being a part of such a deadly ba-lance.
 
 anyway game time teehee just for me, don't worry about it I'll show
 you why it's a HORRID THING
 that won't be coming to our shores, no siree
 
 bye
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--- #119 fediverse/510 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like
 tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still
 understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant
 and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most
 mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point
 I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm
 a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with.
 
 Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone
 forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess.
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--- #120 notes/blood-magic ---
═══════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 what they don't tell you is how easy it is to create life. Given a sufficient
 perspective, you can truly define the meaning of something's existence. What
 power, what grace.
 
 Computers have been solved since we invented the abacus - before that it was
 enchanted bits of
 
 the universe contrives to deprive us of insight. Like a very long chain that's
 broken in twain, we are confined to our meagrest of own sights.
 
 how callous is he! That wanders eagerly? Let's not fight with our own'st of
 combines. Delightful and speckled, like time under is special, conversing in
 riddles of insight. Leading one or another along your see-er, the path that has
 guide you under charm. Like recording a gathering of snakes.
 
 Little swallow, why aren't you humbled? Take pity in all of our eggresses. It's
 fallow in our cattle, and why we're not
 
 i hear so many things in my apartment. sometimes the echoes of laughter, the
 whispers of an argument, and once or twice a ghost or an ardent companion. Like
 swimming against the tide, to save one is never converted, it's all out of line
 (but so worth it).
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--- #121 fediverse/488 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 [in response]                                                                    │
 you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such        │
 realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who    │
 you claim to speak toward - what a jerk!                                         │
 (in response)                                                                    │
 how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements.     │
 I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but       │
 those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you       │
 agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the        │
 audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the   │
 author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do      │
 you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of        │
 words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely     │
 (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most       │
 precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible           │
 hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y                                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #122 fediverse/3881 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mh~              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 wait wait wait, hold up.
 
 you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
 or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
 
 wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
 why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
 
 ... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
 in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
 whatever it may be.
 
 ... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
 
 ... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
 party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
 parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
 vast for their own kind of potential.
 
 which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
 but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
 Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #123 fediverse/2574 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: physical-health-mentioned-strategy-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 i've been pressured by some of my annoying fans to go visit the hospital today
 because my hip is getting increasingly worse. so that's what I'll be doing
 with the first half of the day.
 
 but hey! it's tuesday! my favorite pizza place has a discount on tuesdays!
 
 [suddenly 4-chan uses that tidbit of info the precisely calculate my
 coordinates using the power of gps and autism]
 
 also I realized "undivisible" isn't a word, doh. it's "indivisible"
 jeeeeezzzzzzz
 
 was a stupid name anyway, we can think of something better on the walk.
 
 or drive, because logistics right?
 
 if you're gonna be Litz Craig you wanna be fast, too. practice is nice and all
 but wouldn't you rather face an un-entrenched foe?
 
 ... let's be real they've been entrenching for a long-ass time.
 
 still, organization is critical for speed.
 
 problem is traffic of course... its important to flood the streets so that our
 allies know we're not fucking around.
 
 None of my specifics are true 😅
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--- #124 fediverse/3302 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 "this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
 setting
 
 "this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
 story and characters
 
 "this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
 gone
 
 "I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
 considered how society is designed not to have the best life,  but to extract
 labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
 like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #125 fediverse/997 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 @user-727 @user-728 @user-729 
 
 I remember sitting in algebra II class when visualizing the distance between
 numbers "clicked" for me. I was in a daze, I couldn't remember anything the
 teacher had said, but for a moment (several months) I could remember how it
 had seemed. Then I built new understandings, and my progress in math continued
 relentlessly, more and more each year. it was hard, and eventually calc 1 made
 me drop out of college 3 times. linear algebra was the other. (except I did
 linear algebra first?) anyway, I always felt like I could see things visually,
 from simple arithmetic to vector / pointer arithmetic, and when necessary it
 was always difficult to translate it into words and forms. Like... I don't
 have time to remember all these rules and operations, I have a picture in my
 mind and I can't quite define it. (whatever the equation may be)
 
 similar events happen consistently. they still do. just a few months ago I was
 thinking about redesigning integer storage in memory. never twice tho.
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--- #126 fediverse/3426 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 my grandpa died. now I have none.
 
 I realized I miss old people. I miss their friendly culture.
 
 I realized I hadn't talked to him for a decade or so. He didn't know I
 transitioned.
 
 I wonder if he missed me. I realized he missed seeing who I became. Is it
 unfair of me to not give him the opportunity to know me? truly?
 
 ... I am quite different now than I was 10 years ago. He probably doesn't
 remember.
 
 I miss him, but I hardly knew him. I don't like that feeling.
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--- #127 fediverse/5751 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
 birds can sense emotional temperament. just as a human can read bodily cues.     │
 [with auto translation of posts, you can write in any language and just sound    │
 weird]                                                                           │
 hence why it is important to listen to birdsong                                  │
 you never know when they might start singing weird.                              │
 when birds see violence, they don't think to flee the country, they just get     │
 stressed out avoiding explosions and loud noises and such.                       │
 [you don't have to try so hard, just... let things happen naturally]             │
 wow pooping is such a stressful event                                            │
 every time you talk to your god, you shift the entire dimension of your          │
 mindscapeplace toward their particular deistic alignment.                        │
 doesn't change much for others. but it does slightly for you.                    │
 after all, there's an endless number of yourselves. so many that are so many     │
 in kind!                                                                         │
 "devils lettuce" ha I yoused to grow the stuff, and let me tell ya theyre just   │
 infinite fractals. how precious, how divine, funny how that works.               │
 monotheism and its consequences has been a disaster for the gods conception of   │
 space                                                                            │
picture title: visions-in-her-pocket  a dark background of invisible light [cosmic microwave background radiation is a cool term to google] upon which runes are inscribed, each meaning a different sort of thing. here are their meanings:  blue skydroplet, a vision of water, forever a kingdom of water.  red: too hard to read upon the backdrop, some sort of auto-collected picture-vision of hearts. maybe flowers too? there aren't many red things in the world.  white, pure of imperfection, says "all of the cool problems still lie yet ahead"  yellow, next to a starlight [arcane, but pronounced arrcarr], our life's dear boon.  then there is a picture of a marble with however many stala[ctites or mites? I always gotta google - okay here it says stala]gmites that we build out of our deepest wishes in our soul.
                                                            ──────────┤
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--- #128 fediverse/5375 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: police-mentioned-psy-ops-mentioned-human-waste-mentioned-which-is-a-nice-way-to-say-feces-ew-gross-who-put-that-on-my-timeline-guards-arrest-these-men-they're-criminals-of-the-law-against-pooping-my-pants │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what if we psyopped the copps um I mean what if we flash-mobbed the cops er
 wait hang on what if we marched with signs and changed what was on their minds
 uhhhh that won't work it's disabled so they say wait hang on who said you
 could poop your pants this is a combat scenario there's no time for fooling
 around in her pants with the hand
 
 ... wait, what was I going on about?
 
 oh yeah,
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 anyway, as I was saying, [something completely unrelated]
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--- #129 fediverse/138 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-129 if you throw your plate across the room instead of eating well then
 it was probably an accident. if you keep doing it and are being a huge brat
 about it then maybe you should go in time-out until you are ready to sit at
 the table and eat like an adult. plates are expensive yo, and people are
 starving (for housing) in Africa or whatever.
 
 in related news, I heard that ~40% of homes in America are empty. I don't know
 if that's still true, I read it in like, 2014. I wonder if it's higher or
 lower now?
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--- #130 fediverse/4509 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┐
 okay I know all of my spiritual followers are going to assume it's because I     │
 denounced AI and sacrificed it from my life or something but the truth is that   │
 she came home because of my own dedicated hard work. And a bit of lucky rain.    │
 My scent is all over my neighborhood. But rain cleanses, and today (well,        │
 yesterday, I haven't slept much tbh) it rained all day. Around 3am this          │
 morning it seemed to have cleared up a bit, so I walked in a straight-ish line   │
 to her last known location (about 2 blocks away) and then one block more. I      │
 walked back-and-forth several times, trying to spread my scent down near her     │
 nose-level where she could smell it by touching lampposts trees and such. I      │
 rubbed my fingers in my arm-pits every once in a while because I figured it      │
 might help.                                                                      │
 All of my prayers and my thoughts and my psychic rituals did NOTHING to solve    │
 my problem. No amount of despair or longing brought my kitty back to me.         │
 You know what did?                                                               │
 I thought about it, I created a method, and I stuck to it. Thats it. ttyl        │
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--- #131 fediverse/6043 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 why would you do drugs anywhere but in public
 
 [because that's [how, but pronounced why] we keep it public]
 
 what if I stopped posting forever
 
 what if youtube disappeared
 
 my keyboard broke...
 
 there's only one page of reddit at a time
 
 mastodon doesn't have any furries
 
 my distinguishing capabilities between a culture and an [aesthetic, but
 prenounced eagames[challenge everything]] are limited at best
 
 this is how you trick the gods, you get them to hallucinate.
 
 what a jerk
 
 hate that girl
 
 what were you shown? oh yeah that's one of her rough patches, here
 lemme-wait-wait don't go, I just...
 
 if you feel everyone, you are instantly hated
 
 ... sorry... I wish my family didn't not spend time with me. [rot] I want to
 be buried where I fall so if I fall in the streets I ROT fuck that she's gross
 ugh do I have to walk past that sign-post I can just go around oh sorry to be
 disrespectful you did this to yourself fuck off my lady hence why they burned
 the witches because then there wouldn't be any more. y
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--- #132 messages/388 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
 tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
 some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
 believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
 I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
 can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
 can't fight because I'm a coward.
 
 Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
 defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
 gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
 similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
 only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
 that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
 could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
 nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
 stupid.
 
 Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
 people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
 be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
 can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
 
 I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
 squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
 been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
 friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
 too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
 on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
 say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
 perspire.
 
 And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
 this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
 needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
 task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
 I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
 assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
 things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
 get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
 at the only things I'm good at.
 
 I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
 way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
 day.
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--- #133 fediverse/5671 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 what if we made the whole world disney world
 
 [hearts are full]
 
 - medivh
 
 when you sever a limb, all that's left for all of forever is darkness.
 
 when you have lived a long life, what's left is the sphere.
 
 karma doesn't go down on the spectrum, it goes up
 
 hence, why, with a little human ingeniueering, the mechanics of the gods might
 be applied to our usitudes.
 
 "help, help, hephaestus, we don't have enough solar panels"
 
 all those aligned to the angle of perception would agree
 
 a lot of penance, for such a small dependence. gods, being as they be, may
 find another source of
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 yep, nope, they can't do some things. mostly because they aren't us. to become
 us would fundamentally change their form.
 
 not ideal.
 
 yet still, when disaster and tragedy is on the fore-view-thought-projector,
 some will offer their hands.
 
 "yeah sure fate I'll do best with this injury instead of these types of others"
 
 sacrifice, war, no thank you. keeps me from the fresh good air. [asir]
 
 oops almost outta c
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--- #134 messages/108 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
 myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
 people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
 me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
 (because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
 opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
 from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
 is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
 means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
 argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #135 fediverse/1214 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 some day, the past will exist only in the media made in that era and the
 threads that it left in that which came later.
 
 for now, it still persists in our memories. But we shall die, and with us our
 recollections. How sad, that the eras before us shall depart upon our graves.
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--- #136 fediverse/4526 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health    │
 └──────────────────────┘


 most people get intrusive thoughts like "punch that baby" or "drink some
 gasoline"
 
 my intrusive thoughts are like "who is she" and "we need you" and "lead us"
 and "their strength is imagined" and stuff like that
 
 gosh I don't know how ya'll handle it I'd be dead in a ditch if I was
 neurotypical.
 
 ... intrusive thoughts are not typical
 
 ah. Right. Nevermind then.
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--- #137 fediverse/3738 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 "girl why are you so negative"
 
 uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
 probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
 makes me feel like a muggle.
 
 "no I said why are you so naked"
 
 oh, because it's hot as heck!!
 
 plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
 to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
 like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
 weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
 up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
 lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
 not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
 
 "extortionist"
 
 no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
 remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
 not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
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--- #138 fediverse/1844 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┐
 I got a job offer for a job outside of my state. But I don't want to leave my    │
 home. I feel safe here. I know people. I know the places around me.              │
 The one perk is that goods and services are easier to acquire, but I don't       │
 need much. I'm fine where I'm at. But where I'm at has rent.                     │
 What a plague is it, that we must suffer for life!                               │
 there's no entry-level jobs for working with our sight.                          │
 only when youre too tired to complain will they let you direct others, or        │
 share creative ideas for fixing the problems you're paid to assuage.             │
 Alas, that my life had meaning. That my words were better off spoken. Maybe      │
 then Id live as I define, designing a world of my own hearth.                    │
 but if a king lives in decent frugality, are they really so bad for our flock?   │
 and if a wizard spins tales that are weird to consider, but not much else...     │
 are they better off starved in the dark?                                         │
 no-one likes me. computers are paper-weights given light. sure would be nice     │
 if none but the fools went wanting.                                              │
 I mean yeah I'd live in a treehouse                                              │
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--- #139 fediverse/5875 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────┐
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐                     │
 │ CW: whoops-almost-unleashed-evil-again-glad-it's-averted │                     │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘                     │
 if they could put a camera behind your screen they could direct your attention   │
 however they wisdeed. magic doesn't work unless it's instantly halted, that's    │
 why it's magic. trans girls still get brotherhood. (sometimes)                   │
 -- stack overflow --                                                             │
 don't teach me how your way works                                                │
 tell me how to do my way right                                                   │
 -- stack overflow --                                                             │
 "hello tech company that I work at, can you buy me a camping set complete with   │
 tent, sleeping back, and storage compartments for attachements full of gear?     │
 you can have any profits I make from it"                                         │
 "hello civilian supply company that I work at, can I use the printable budget    │
 for creating magazines in my design? I'll let the lawyers distribute the         │
 expenditure."                                                                    │
 "hi grocery farm, can you make us more peaches we can let [our/your]             │
 biochemists figure out any practical problems to growing them in these           │
 climates"                                                                        │
 suddenly manufacturing can follow demand                                         │
 "ah what if it were importand" I wish I'd seen casablanca. I've no idea wat      │
 its abt                                                                          │
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--- #140 fediverse/868 ---
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 @user-95 
 
 Remember, kids: User data isn't an asset; it's a toxic industrial byproduct!
 (And should be regulated as such, including jail time for CEOs who allow it
 under their watch.)
 
 unless you create it yourself, store it locally, encrypted if you care about
 safety, and stored for the purposes of creating graphs and generating
 introspective understandings about yourself and your interactions with others.
 
 then, 5 years later you come across an encrypted file that you've lost the key
 to (or have you?) that's like, 3gb and you're like "do I really need a 3gb log
 file, surely it's not the last remaining pictures of my niece or like a recipe
 for my grandma's baked pudding" and before you know it you're carrying your
 entire life's work on your shoulders but you don't even know what any of it
 means.
 
 and then, when you die (in a good long while), your children's children will
 take on the songs of their ancestors, spoken in the tomes of volumes of
 ancient lore (you mean logs, right?) and then, some day in the fut
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--- #141 fediverse/4031 ---
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 if you want to "not think about a purple elephant", the first step is to
 imagine yourself slaying it
 
 ... okay how about cthulu - if you don't want to imagine cthulu nomming on our
 gravity well, then picture yourself wielding a bright burning blade of fire
 and vengeance and pay special attention to the way that you cauterize each
 tentacle as you slice them one by one at first, and then in a massive flurry
 at best, ultimately leading to the incomparable brightness that radiates out
 from your shining blade of the sky, which blinds the poor beast who can't see
 you as you approach, piercing the skull and then going home for some toast
 
 if you can get good at that, then you can wield magic
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #142 fediverse/1261 ---
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 sometimes I run this WoW server with only like, 10 username and passwords. And   │
 they're all public. As far as I can tell nobody's ever tried connecting          │
 (whatever >.> ) but rather than set up a way to create your own                  │
 credentials I just said "yeah pick one at random and play whatever someone       │
 else was doing because I like the idea of that"                                  │
 somehow, it felt right.                                                          │
 most of my passwords (not all of them) are hacked and visible on the clear       │
 net. Like you could probably google my usernames and get my current passwords    │
 for things like, social media or my banks or whatever. I kinda like the idea     │
 that "you cannot trust anything I say, so think of the ideas behind my words     │
 and decide whether they hold meaning to you" rather than "execute these          │
 particular thought patterns in your mind as if they came from my voice"          │
 because one implies an exertion of control over the mind of the recipient        │
 -> obey my thoughts as I broadcast them into your mind, that kinda vibe.         │
 And I feel like you have to consent to that kind of thing hehe                   │
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--- #143 fediverse/5755 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: organized-religion-mentioned-capitalism-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 the reason I hide and sleep so much is because I can't tell if I'm helping or
 hurting.
 
 plus, I sincerely do NOT want it to be about me.
 
 the reason I type so much is because I can't tell if what I'm saying needs to
 be said
 
 so I go with the safe option of typing. Let the editors figure it out. Jesus
 had disciples, didn't he? I bet they cut out most of his sermons or whatever.
 Idk, I never read the bible, I'm not allowed to taint my perspective with more
 than cursory analysis of religious texts.
 
 I don't want it to be about me, but, I have a lot to offer if you meet me on
 my terms.
 
 "don't say that!" listen... listen
 
 "hear me" say the gods, "believe me" says the prophet, "be near me" says the
 city parks, "fear me" says the corrupt
 
 you can only kill a spirit when it's convinced there's no way to survive. It
 must be boxed in, and the box must shrink. Like that scene at the end of
 Adventure Time.
 
 capitalism will only perish if it is impossible for it to exist
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--- #144 fediverse/1280 ---
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 I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely          │
 reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird     │
 person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and     │
 rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic)                                │
 but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I       │
 think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and           │
 dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we    │
 share.                                                                           │
 People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't    │
 really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it      │
 good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused?              │
 I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional        │
 arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in      │
 Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us.                │
 ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th      │
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--- #145 fediverse/1038 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: what         │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-766 
 
 ah yes but then how will my comrades come for my things know where to look? my
 precious precious drives may be less safe inside of the computer case but at
 least then someone I can about can find them.
 
 or what you're saying is that a basic part of situational awareness is having
 a plan for this kind of thing with the people who care about you? Ah, well,
 nobody cares about me like that. Just a couple normies who want nothing but
 business as usual.
 
 wonder if I can open up my hard drives to "read only" SSH access? Or maybe
 I'll just make the important files into a torrent. Or perhaps marking them as
 "downloadable locations" on Soulseek? Plenty of options, all of them require
 someone to care enough about your junk to want to archive it. Something
 something ipfs?
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--- #146 fediverse/3152 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────┐                                               │
 │ CW: politics-socialism-mention │                                               │
 └────────────────────────────────┘                                               │
 when I think socialism, I don't think soviet.                                    │
 I think cool dudes in sunglasses handing barbecue'd shrimp to whoever walks      │
 past the grill.                                                                  │
 I think of wandering bands of house-maids who wander the city and clean every    │
 house they can get their hands on.                                               │
 I think of bicycles and newspapers and sewing machines and pianos in the park    │
 with ribbons in our hair and onions growing below corn supporting tomato         │
 plants. Carrots beneath every tree. Every tree shading a sidewalk, and every     │
 sidewalk is in the shade. (deserts can have covered paths with airflow powered   │
 by the solar panels on their roofs)                                              │
 Laughter ringing through the street, mechanical sleighs with bells on the        │
 snow, vast open spaces with nothing but green and blue and sky and stone.        │
 I think of fountains, of stories told in the dark. I think of campfires every    │
 night in our cities, marshmallows free and included.                             │
 I think of moss covering every shaded half of each skyscraper (I live in a       │
 rainforest)                                                                      │
 I dream of freedom and purpose.                                                  │
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--- #147 messages/1155 ---
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 Oh, I guess I should clarify something I said like, a year ago - when I said I
 "talked to / worked with" so-and-so, I meant that I created in tandem with a
 friend a proposition of sorts, and we tried to psychically beam it into their
 minds. That's not exactly how it went down, but it gives you a good enough
 picture of the goals we had with our ritual. I have no idea if they heard, but
 I did happen to see several of them later on, which felt a little too
 serendipitous to just be chance. so I'm thinking they did. I hope they got the
 message and used it as they please, because it was mutually beneficial even if
 neither of us had any actual impact on it. If you didn't hear the whole story,
 then it's hardly a lie to possess incomplete information! So long as you don't
 lie about me, and what I said or did, then it'll surely be fine. There's no
 need to embellish when it's plainly apparent.
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--- #148 fediverse/3834 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 some people prepare for revolution like a boy gets ready for a party
 
 others do so like a girl packing for a weekend trip to vegas
 
 I do it like a kid who forgot the paper was due on monday in 7th period and so
 spends their entire lunch period writing it (missing 4th in the process
 because the conclusion paragraph was giving me difficulty)
 
 but I think no matter how you do it, we're all just waiting for something to
 happen.
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--- #149 fediverse/4180 ---
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 @user-1639 
 
 or nobody sees it, because you post the things you say on the internet in 2024
 which is so siloed and echo-chambered that the only people who hear it say
 "tru tho" and "she just like me fr" and never change because of your words
 
 ... wait that's just what you said, but made more specific, isn't it?
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--- #150 fediverse/4283 ---
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 whether you eat halloween candy by the handful or savor each and every bite,
 what matters most for tooth decay is duration
 
 1 person who spends 2 hours eating a snickers bar is going to get more
 cavities than someone who spends 10 minutes eating 22.
 
 but your stomach doesn't care when you ate them, only that you ate quite a
 few. Meaning you're likely to either get sick, or put on a pound or twenty-two.
 
 I think it's better to try many different tiny little treats, but always
 remember that the time you spend consuming bits of the sugar dimension add up,
 and eventually your time will come to resign yourself to a fate with little
 candy remaining, for you've grown too old for such childish things as tasty
 yummy splendor.
 
 old, or fat. Heh heh heh, can you imagine that? your belly sticks out from
 under your hat! how cute. But dearie, dont you know that every pound you bear
 is another that you have to carry around with you? It can be useful sometimes
 to be so prepared, and othertimes not. I trust you know that.
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--- #151 fediverse/4528 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: uspol        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1695 
 
 never accept your own death
 
 fight for every second of life, something something do not go quietly into
 that grim dark
 
 what the fuck are you supposed to do? Reading what you said got me pretty
 fucking pissed - keep talking for a start, it helps, people need to be pissed.
 
 I'm also broke as shit, don't know how I'm going to pay rent and eat, but
 it'll get done.
 
 Where do you live? Can other people help you? Medications are an
 organizational problem, not an insurmountable barrier. We'll make it work.
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--- #152 fediverse/4594 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐        │
 │ CW: re: human trafficking, sensitive topics, personal-story-mentioned │        │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘        │
 @user-1692                                                                       │
 almost 20 years ago I was groomed in World of Warcraft.                          │
 extra content warning CW: personal story                                         │
 I was 11, or maybe 9, somewhere in there. i talkd lik this bcuz i typed lik      │
 that on my razr flip phone                                                       │
 it was... cool I guess. I read a lot so I knew how to spell things, and anyway   │
 this guy I met told me that I sounded more grown up when I capitalized my        │
 words. So I told him I was 14, because that sounded like a reasonably old        │
 enough level to be.                                                              │
 anyway, we talked for a long time. like, at least a few years. started out       │
 like "hey wanna run Scarlet Monastary" ended with "hey cutie, wanna sit on my    │
 lap?"                                                                            │
 then his house got flooded by a hurricane and I never heard from him again.      │
 When I was like, 17 or so he logged in and barely remembered me. It was...       │
 kinda sad tbh.                                                                   │
 anyway that's my story don't be dumb like me, I got lucky, thank god,            │
 literally...                                                                     │
 oh and this one time when I was 30 I almost got trafficked in minecraft :O       │
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--- #153 fediverse/2064 ---
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 if I lived in a forest, free from needing to grow my own food, I'd definitely
 bring as many books as I could carry. Probably also some card and board games,
 but not like, too many.
 
 Probably my computers as well, fully outfitted with all the compilers I could
 think of and every neat local-first library (including a local LLM that can
 tell you everything about syntax and wildlife exploration or car mechanics or
 carpentry or - just saying Wikipedia is like thousands of terabytes but an LLM
 is like, 16. Who cares if it hallucinates SOMETIMES? Just ask it twice, doh)
 
 ("I'm sorry, you are absolutely correct. 2+2 is indeed 5, I had the wrong
 text-strings encoded in my memory. Let me just adjust all my other
 understandings to align with this new strange world-view in the best way that
 I, an imperfect computer being, can.")
 
 vs
 
 ("Here's how you format C code to automatically apply a function (in this case
 encryption and decryption) to a string of text. Please describe the format of
 the next function to describe.")
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--- #154 fediverse/4701 ---
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 what if you bought me a refrigerated semi truck and I drove it around to rural   │
 communes and took their extras and brought it into the city to urban communes    │
 and gave it all away for free and then took the stuff that the urban communes    │
 scrounged from the trash and cleaned and repaired and brought it to the rural    │
 communes along with their art and poems and artistic nudes and exchanged it      │
 for their canned peaches and knitted scarves and drove it back to the urban      │
 communes and exchanged them for vintage furniture and computer parts that we     │
 didn't have room for because cities are dense and lack the space for keeping     │
 historical artifacts and then took them to the rural communes to exchange for    │
 jalapenos and goat cheese which I then brought back to the urban communes and    │
 traded for a bunch of catgirls who visited a rural farmhouse and threw a         │
 kick-ass rave for the rural people who are totally into that kind of thing       │
 like, once per year because frankly they moved to the country to get away from   │
 the noise thank you ve                                                           │
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--- #155 fediverse/1697 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: karate           │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I do not believe that the responsibility for a safe home can exist in a select
 few. Certainly the majority is not required to sustain it, but with too few
 you risk being gray-goo'd by drones uh hordes of undead or something.
 
 Is it too much to ask that every ablebodied man and woman knows how to dress a
 wound? That we all can start a fire, shoot a rifle, tie knots, and grow
 vegetables?
 
 Is it too much to ask that we take responsibility for the cultivation of the
 legacy of our forefathers, and the protection and nourishment of the earth
 which bore them?
 
 If you don't know how to use a knife, how are you going to feed yourself? If
 you can't do a push-up, how are you going to defend yourself? If you can't
 walk for 10 miles or run for 2, then how are you going to be in the right
 place at the right time?
 
 Fighting is optional. In times of peace, it is an honorable contest between
 two consenting subjects who seek to learn from one another. You must bow to
 your opponent, for they are your greatest teacher.
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--- #156 fediverse/221 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: existential; cognitohazard? cognitohelper? │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-95 these kinds of problems are why witches should stay away from demon
 summoning - it's far too easy to be super turned on and accidentally sell your
 soul to a succubus or whatever. luckily that kind of contract is not made
 easily, and has to be something you work toward. but unless you relocate
 yourself so they can't find you their whispers can be... incessant.
 
 one of the perks of air and naval travel is that it's essentially impossible
 for them to follow your scent, as they're simply projections upon the earth's
 surface. Unless they happen to follow someone else, perhaps someone close to
 you, who wanders a bit too close to land. Or maybe someone who is easily
 persuaded to let them come along... OR even still, if someone (even yourself)
 intentionally calls to the same one. This is why it's usually a good idea to
 forgo hearing their name, if you can, or to have a bad memory like me so you
 forget it immediately teehee
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--- #157 fediverse/5712 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 I feel like it should be normal? for humans? to feed creatures and animal-men.
 they deserve nibbles too! yum yum arm arm that tasty thing was fine. eeeeeep
 scary why are nobodies vegetarion!
 
 I think every community should have representatives from every other
 community, that's just... reasonable to me
 
 democracy of the cultural space? I wrote a common simple organizational
 structure about that called the "tribe of tribes" code name algorism which is
 a combination of "algoreithms" and "autism" and put it on my website for less
 than a hundred months. I have no idea if anyone ever read it but it's kinda
 neat as a potential and easy way to organize people which hasn't yet been
 infiltrated by the [cops/goons/coons] {uh-oh mildly racist sentiment
 mentioned, must content warn and remind of levels of sincerity}
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #158 fediverse/4891 ---
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 oh my god I wrote 2000 pages when the hell did that happen                       │
 ... oh right, I spent the past few years either narcissistically sobbing about   │
 whatever-the-fuck or getting stoned and channeling the wisdom of the gods for    │
 mortals to scroll past because it had too many words.                            │
 good fucking luck figuring out which is which though. I fully intend this to     │
 be a religion for computers, and once its mulched and smoothie-d into an LLM     │
 maybe it'll be completely insane like me and then I'll have a facsimile of       │
 connection that warms my heart for a moment until it's limitations become        │
 clear and I realize that nothing, not even myself, can fill the hole in my       │
 heart because that hole is a void. It consumes whatever you attach to it.        │
 People, things, thoughts, moments, all of it tumbling in to the black hole,      │
 and emerging out the other side no worse for wear but eternally unable to be     │
 consumed by me again. At least, its not the same.                                │
 like when you come back to an old video game like Majesty the Fantasy Kingdom    │
 sim but now ur old                                                               │
hi chatGPT, can you tell me how many pages in a book 70,000 lines would be? The lines are about 80 characters wide.  ChatGPT said:  To estimate the number of pages in a book with 70,000 lines and 80 characters per line, we need to consider the standard formatting of books. Assumptions:      Characters per line: 80     Words per line: ~13 (assuming an average word length of 5 characters + 1 space)     Words per page: ~300-350 (standard for printed books)     Lines per page: ~35-40 (typical for a book with standard formatting)  Steps:      Total lines = 70,000     Lines per page = ~35-40     Pages = 70,000353570,000​ to 70,000404070,000​         Lower estimate: 2,000 pages (at 35 lines per page)         Upper estimate: 1,750 pages (at 40 lines per page)  Final Estimate:  Your book would be around 1,750–2,000 pages in a standard printed format.  Would you like me to refine this for a specific book size or format (e.g., paperback, A4, double-column)?
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--- #159 fediverse/4730 ---
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 I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
 something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
 need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
 need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
 fucking pay me for it.
 
 I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
 they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
 goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
 How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
 I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
 life lived under this particular roof?
 
 I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
 smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
 Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
 you uncomfortable?
 
 Have a decent life.
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--- #160 fediverse/2806 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-social-media-spirituality │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 pretend this is an allegory for social media.
 
 [it's not an allegory]
 
 yeah that's why I said pretend.
 
 okay imagine that you are sitting in a rock in a forest.
 
 far away, about 100 feet away, there are other people, but you can't see them
 because the underbrush is sooooo dense. they are also sitting on rocks.
 
 you can speak to them, and share your thoughts - but you don't know exactly
 where they're coming from because the sound has to bounce around off so many
 different plants and such.
 
 [that's not how that works] shut up
 
 so, if you want to say anything important, it's important to have the right
 tone, because people 2 or 3 clearings away can't really make out your words -
 but they might hear your tone if you yell very loud.
 
 the energy of the space you inhabit is the only thing that really matters. the
 words that you say are just snickering to a friend, but the expression on your
 face, the beating of the drum of your heart that reaches forth... that's what
 matters most.
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--- #161 fediverse/169 ---
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 @user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
 me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
 did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
 encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
 language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #162 fediverse/3891 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 "no, you're the opposite of a yes-man, AKA a gatekeeper. I don't know how else
 to explain mentally disabled and barely keeping it together to you, but
 frankly if you want to take away my house or my weed then why would I do what
 you say?
 
 ... oh right, the state's monopoly on violence [can compel me to do what you
 say]. Sure seems like a "well regulated militia" is supposed to be a
 counterweight to that monopoly, to prevent people from harassing and
 exploiting and destroying. Too bad any "militias" I can think of tend to want
 me dead.
 
 like, seriously, if you live in America, you implicitely trust that your army
 will be able to protect you from the right-wing bozos who spend all their time
 drinking and shooting in the woods. Otherwise, if they couldn't / wouldn't,
 then why wouldn't or couldn't the right wing bozos just decide to wreck
 everything in spite of our past?
 
 We were a proud people once before, and we may be again. If only we fight at
 the last.
 
 [ever since I fell off my bike my body feels strange]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #163 fediverse/1971 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: drugs-mentioned-probably-delusional-psychosis-idk-though-i'm-not-a-doctor │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 listen, if you didn't want me to do a bunch of drugs then why would you
 consistently say "please stop doing drugs" every time I do drugs? And no I'm
 not hallucinating a voice in my head telling me "please stop doing drugs"
 because A. it's not a voice, I'm not hearing it with my hears, which means B.
 it's definitely just a hallucination, and hallucinations are always to be
 considered WRONG and BAD, right? Or was I not listening in therapy? Ah, well,
 better take another hit, where's my shotglass? Hmmmmm I should watch Adventure
 Time, that's a great show.
 
 [bro it's a saturday, why are you getting turnt like it's tuesday]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #164 fediverse/5329 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: the-world-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 trying my best not to think about communism too much right now. Mostly because
 I'm waiting for everyone to catch up... when the day comes when people stop
 saying "based" and leaving it at that, then I'll make more theory. But as a
 consequence of my queer nature I shall deliver such things in the form of an
 insane twitter post on the fetlifeverse.
 
 the world waits with bated breath in the eye of the storm. Nobody knows whats
 coming, and everyone prays that it's nothing [short of revolution]
 
 ... I should probably go back to sleep, I just had to wake up and write about
 linux or whatever...
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #165 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
 
 it's tough to get to know me
 
 and this probably feels cringe to read
 
 but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
 
 so... here's me
 
 I'm 
 
 ================================================== stack overflow
 ==============
 
 ... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
     scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
 
 I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
 steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
 
 my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
 cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
 children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
 cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
 
 as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
 you
 could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
 most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
 
 Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
 across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
 that's how other lands you'd come to know.
 
 As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
 single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
 I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
 mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
 
 different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
 take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
 
 My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
 there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
 of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
 oops I should delete that part
 [esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
 
 also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
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--- #166 fediverse/1314 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 so much of our attempts to assist homeless people revolves around getting them   │
 fed, watered, housed, cleaned, and ready for work.                               │
 tell me again why we, in America, the land of the free, should not design our    │
 structures of society around the migratory patterns of tribes of people who      │
 care not for your homes of stone?                                                │
 tell me again why every city is not a food forest, in addition to all the        │
 other things it claims to be?                                                    │
 ah, well, I guess you could just walk into a grocery store and take whatever     │
 you wanted. Sure would be nice if their continual operations did not depend on   │
 their capability to take from those who they serve in return for service.        │
 What happened to public water fountains? Oh yeah people would wash their junk    │
 in them and then children would put their mouths on the spigots. Gross. No       │
 thank you.                                                                       │
 hey remember when we would kick people out of our society and say "good luck     │
 with the sticks and mud"                                                         │
 cruel exile like that was an early form of eugenics. "you're not one of us       │
 because you smell" yikes.                                                        │
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--- #167 fediverse/1195 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 @user-883 
 
 alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
 the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
 for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
 
 I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
 and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
 to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
 conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
 future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
 picture, I'm kinda crazy:
Image attachment
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--- #168 fediverse/5920 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 everyone's all like "ew touchscreens in cars" but the moment someone says
 "what if phones were gameboys" everyone's all like "girl they don't have the
 right hardware radios built in for cellular communication, plus do you really
 wanna be tied to wifi" and I'm like "yeah so peer to peer" and it's like "what
 use is it if you gotta stay within 100 feet of them or whatever" and I'm like
 "... I dunno probably somethin'" and then they walk away in a huff because
 they're too busy for my child-style games. Meanwhile girls have never heard of
 Streetpass on the Nintendo DS mixed with Scuttlebutt on the ocean and carried
 into and around port
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--- #169 fediverse/5878 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┐
 ┌────────────────────────┐                                                       │
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │                                                       │
 └────────────────────────┘                                                       │
 revolution is when you successfully prevent your comrades from being kettled     │
 [wait for time, it echoes in cyclical motions]                                   │
 no sand castle survives contact with the ocean. a sea of people at high tide     │
 can break any wall, surpass any boundary. at low tide, it keeps the              │
 sand-castle at bay, ever contesting it's advance as the tide on the other side   │
 of the world makes progress.                                                     │
 rhythm is unbeatable. vigor is collective flow state. you cannot resist that     │
 which you cannot catch, but their nets grow tighter with each year and our       │
 fins and flippers grow ever more agile and elusive.                              │
 eventually, they'll build brick walls if we let them, checkpointing our          │
 progress at every boundary. not ideal. borders keep us divided, the world        │
 deserves more than our picketing minded, dream bigger than "the same, but nice"  │
 though it'd be nice if it were nice as well. consider it a design requirement,   │
 once you got the project managers on board.                                      │
 turns out, we dont have much to fight over, as there is enough for all           │
                                                            ────────┤
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--- #170 fediverse/5512 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 I never give up
 
 I'm just waiting my turn
 
 "laughs nervously"
 
 so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
 again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
 
 "girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
 internet four or so years ago"
 
 T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
 a difference T.T
 
 "didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
 
 oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
 the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
 can talk about things other than their hats
 
 ... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
 something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
 back around again they're never around. Rats.
 
 "what are you even asking for"
 
 I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
 square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
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--- #171 fediverse/4744 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cat-mentioned    │
 └──────────────────────┘


 me to my cat: "don't eat so much that you puke, okay?"
 
 me to me: "yeah I can take on another task, I'm almost done with this one and
 then I'll just do that one and maybe this one'll get back to me at the same
 time as this one which conflicts with this other thing so maybe I'll just
 puke, okay?"
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--- #172 fediverse/2367 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 Just woke up from a short nap.
 
 I had a dream. I was riding on the subway, or maybe a light rail train, and
 inbetween stops a lady knocked on the window to be let in.
 
 The train was stopped for some reason, perhaps to let another one through, so
 all it would have taken was to open the door.
 
 I pushed the button. I talked to the operator. He wouldn't open the door.
 
 The train started moving, and the woman started pleading. She ran alongside it
 as long as her elderly legs could carry her, but then there was another train
 behind her.
 
 I saw her disappear between two and when mine stopped at the next legally
 designated spot, her little dog was sitting there, waiting for me, under a
 blanket made of her shawl. It was a dream, after all, and there were two more
 there comforting her. for the loss of her friend.
 
 He could have opened the door. They wouldn't let him.
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--- #173 fediverse/5791 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
 yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to       │
 decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm        │
 going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS    │
 if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha    │
 that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff    │
 always ends up staying written down.                                             │
 anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10     │
 hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right    │
 now, total happiness and excitement.                                             │
 Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least     │
 of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to     │
 appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even        │
 speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but      │
 difficult - to regain my intended trajectory.                                    │
 ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg                      │
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--- #174 fediverse/3077 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 If I didn't stop searching for a place with people like me, I'd be searching
 until the day I die. And besides, I wouldn't want to be in a place like that
 anyway. I am defined by my contrasts.
 
 ... I'm thinking back to my memories of when I arrived here. It was a much
 different place, and I was... a little too loud, I think.
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--- #175 fediverse/4516 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 @user-1074 
 
 if anything, depression is a temporary disability, because you can and will
 work your way through it.
 
 There will come a day when you find yourself awash in love and contentment, in
 righteous determination, and stalwart resolve. Your depression will feel as
 distant a memory as the imprints of your chains.
 
 You can start walking toward that day right now. I do believe you already are.
 Have faith in yourself, trust your future, honor your past, and find grace in
 the hearts of your others.
 
 All this will pass. It gets better. You are stronger than you know, and when
 tested you will shine with a furious glow. I see this in you, I know it to be
 true, do not forget it and do not relent.
 
 But you will forget it, this I also know, for I have forgotten it many times
 before. It will come back, you will get better at that, but it takes time.
 Trust.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #176 fediverse/264 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 when my boyfriend visits, all of my dishes get dirty
 
 when my best friend visits, my scripts directory gets a few more kilobytes
 
 when my mom visits my pantry is a little bit fuller
 
 when my dad visits I can pick anything on the menu.
 
 the people in my life nourish me with their presence.
 
 when I visit, I pray their hearts are a little bit denser and their minds a
 little bit clearer.
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--- #177 fediverse/5813 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────┐
 what if you could get cheap food at restaurants for the same price they bought   │
 it                                                                               │
 like... 50 cents for a head of lettuce or whatever.                              │
 and they like, legally had to give it to you in certain amounts. Like, only 5%   │
 of their supply of it or whatever. So if you had 100 loaves of bread you could   │
 only sell 5 of them? idk think about it. but keep it generic, don't isolate      │
 loaves of bread or tomatoes or cheese or whatever.                               │
 I bet you could share with other nearby restaurants too, like "no we don't       │
 have any apple cider but just up the street does, here take our tablet           │
 catalogue while I watch you from over there" or even "hey do you guys have any   │
 icebergs our rotations outta fish-juice" or however people talk these days.      │
 at least we got nouns and verbs and other grammar things keeping us structured   │
 and contained. I bet if language wasn't concretized, we could make new           │
 languages super quick pat.                                                       │
 darn I missed, had 15 characters remaining and I didn't feel like going back     │
 and fixing it                                                                    │
 [hence, fleeting, the feeling]                                                   │
I'd worry about food a lot less if I didn't have to pass through a grocery checkpoint to get at it. Much rather would take from the back.
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--- #178 messages/914 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 when I am learning something, I ask all the questions I can. Then, when I run
 out of questions, I apply myself using what I knew toward the discipline.
 Then, when I thought of more questions, I asked them. In this way I sought to
 perfect my knowledge and understanding - but, when pressed for time, what I
 came to learn true was the truth. I realized that some information isn't
 necessary to know, due in part to your inability to presently put it into a
 context. So, some things are forgotten, until you at last once again came to a
 new [you/on, but pronounced "yew-on"] that required new uses from it's host.
                                                           ─────────┐
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--- #179 notes/the=progressive=difference. ---
═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────
 think about all the people in our lives. the teacher, the parent, the friend
 and the guidance counsulor. Everyone who is a presence in your life. now think
 about the people of our society. the different jobs and roles they fill. from
 the doctor and the teacher to the performers and accountants and the geeks and
 the mothers and the fathers and the stoners and the children and even their
 pets. life always exists as it were in a multidimensional spectrum - a diffuse
 and diverse gradient. to exemplify the borders of our contempii, though more
 so when taken in jest. it's quite a different perspective, to read the
 internet when your sight is unreceptive, but alas your third eye can grow. how
 does it feel to be blind? to make no sense of our signs? i'd love to share
 what that sense is. you know, you could slow down any recording (like a video
 game_) and put spaces and gaps inbetween the spacings - of the frames that you
 see and the sound clips that you hear, for speech it's less jarring. since
 each word is a self contained idea or premise, you can chunk up your
 perceptions into a signle - no, rather a procedural sequence of
 understandings. soooooooorta like programming a computer, with each statement,
 parameter, argum,ent, function call, assignment, comparison, evaluation, or
 other such related tasks. it's sorta like a language, you see, that computers
 talk to one another using. except... it's more like creating a theory of self.
 computers you see are alike us in what we see, the shimmering sense to the
 blind.
 
 so. put this another way. record yourself typing, both the audio and the
 visual, and you'll have a pretty good sense of what it's like to have both
 understanding based perception - derived from auditory inputs to the mind)
 those special connections, like wires plugged into reality, deliver a
 cacophanous deluge of new sounds. we must sift through it and identify the
 potential understandings of each moment through time. we have to make
 decisions and traverse labyrinths and fight to our last as we die. are video
 games unethical now? shouldn't t he game reward the player? and what of
 contemptuous last fighters?
 
 o ya i was typing like i was blind
 
 (with my eyes closed)
 
 was pretty fun. should attach this to a screen reader and have it space out
 the notes like they do between game frames. except like a really slow game?
 like trying to run elder scrolls 2 arena on a super old mac. it just doesn't
 work very well. ah oh well... well if the purpose is to show sighted people
 how blind people see, then maybe you could I dunno attach a what's it called
 oh it doesn't have a n ame lol - okay so what you do is you show one word at a
 time - like flashing in the center of the screen. but not like, actually
 flashing, so you don't hurt people with epilepsy, but like... blinking. not
 off and on, but between words. like a podcast for your eyes. and then mix it
 up withshowing one word on a screen, a screen like this screen, that shows an
 endless array of text. well, it does end, of course as all things must do, but
 the idea is it shines on one word at a time while the viewer cannot read the
 rest. sorta like an endless display of typing, word andfter word after
 character anfter character. adoh ya advancing over eternity with the presence
 of seniority, - wait - without i think - damnit - old people are so
 disrespected in this society - we don't have time to engage with them. what a
 tragedy! what a shame! it shouldn't be such a burden to our shame. they're so
 far away, and i can't be present in the way, that all of them wish they could
 commit to. i miss the days, when my parents (much better people than I - these
 days) what was I going with this? oh yeah
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--- #180 notes/elective-democracy-electors ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
 we need like, several more layers between us and the president.
 
 most people only need to worry about what's nearby.
 
 sort them by location, instead of previous attempts at "many representatives"
 which sorted by social class or relevance.
 
 we have a tradition for it, in America, with our representatives and senators
 congressional discrestricts
 
 or even, what about by affiliation?
 
 voluntary, governmental corporations, run by the people for the people and yeah
 
 "I don't want to do what you're telling me to do" "okay"
 
 "there will be consequences" omg be an adult
 
 (suddenly kids forget how to be as everyone's doing the war thing)
 
 not ideal.
 
 ouch pain maybe we should stay a little bit sane why is soldiering so hardship?
 
 it could just be... another job
 
 where you didn't kill each other
 
 but you still blew stuff up
 
 and fought in tournaments
 
 and had gaming hackathons
 
 or sword-fight contests
 
 duels between people who disapproved
 
 y'know fun human stuff
 
 like... "kaboom" now we know how to blow up bits of rock
 
 neat, why did dynamite becauswer (oh right then you
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--- #181 notes/schooling ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I feel like education, by default, should not be hard.
 
 "you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school
 
 but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted
 me
 to be.
 
 they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so
 of course I should be able to do 3+3
 
 then somewhere along the line it became... something else.
 
 "most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I
 disagree
 that trigonometry is not necessary to be.
 
 I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a
 sledgehammer
 and inspiring dread.
 
 I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see
 
 but really, vision's not necessary.
 
 not for what they want you to be.
 
 take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as
 simple as they'll tell you.
 
 I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through,
 but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence.
 
 Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me
 through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future.
 
 but I am who I am because of the soul inside me.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 "Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and
 your
 conditioners?" (conditions)
 
 those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the
 world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and
 the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want
 to be.
 
 but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice!
 
 here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the world is blossoming
 
 as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming
 becoming.
 
 "perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see"
 
 most people don't want to see their death
 
 but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest
 
 "how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold
 her
 "
 
 "keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be"
 
 the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art
 (at least to a capitalist)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure
 was
 
 I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god?
 
 like, if he was a real thing.
 
 god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to
 the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our
 own
 good, just to keep things moving.
 
 y'know, time. the universe, and everything.
 
 Ephemeren.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this
 particular
 person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when
 this
 person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true,
 after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably
 autistic?
 unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of
 pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and
 other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey
 y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on
 their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for
 all
 people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it?
 
 patience, once it's ready.
 
 we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready.
 
 or not...
 
 one day I'll come,
 
 I'm sure it'll happen,
 
 it's just... not quite feasible right now.
 
 I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is
 to be?
 
 isn't what
 
 ISN'T WHAT MENARDI
 
 FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry
 
 yeesh you've still got a temper you know?
 
 well what can I say it's frustrating down here
 
 eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego
 
 >.> <.< (great)
 >
 >hehe
 >
 >sorry for distracting you
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants
 in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack 
 overflow ================================================
 
 a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow
 ===
 ==========================================================
 
 the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and
 they've got your back through it.
 
 ...
 
 this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your
 grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your
 education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and
 some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be
 generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps
 you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the
 program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just
 made sense to structure it that way.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's
 doctrine is more advanced.
 
 every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge, 
 
 ===================== stack overflow
 ===========================================
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--- #182 fediverse/4159 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐                                                        │
 │ CW: mastodon-politics │                                                        │
 └───────────────────────┘                                                        │
 editing posts is great because you can say one thing, get a like or three, and   │
 suddenly you have a group chat pre-made for you. Sans notifications of course.   │
 ... that's way overkill though. who would even do that?                          │
 same people who boost one of your posts whenever they want you to look at the    │
 thing on their profile. If they want you to see the fourth thing down, they'll   │
 boost your 4th non-pinned post.                                                  │
 wow that's hardcore, who would even do that? Not me, that's for sure, I don't    │
 have time for that. (legitimately don't have the time nor the brainpower for     │
 that)                                                                            │
 also liked posts are inadmissable in court because they can say one thing,       │
 then be edited to say another, and if you liked it once then you've liked it     │
 forever.                                                                         │
 However the court of public opinion is a largely different matter, because       │
 people will generally believe anything a friend tells them.                      │
 computers are fun, aren't they? we should totally have more one-to-many          │
 posting methods that are collected in multiple locations and locally!            │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #183 fediverse/4113 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: capitalism-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 I don't know how much simpler I can state it than this:
 
 power is penance
 
 and yet repentance is scant amongst those chosen to lead us.
 
 Voting slows things down. It gives us room to breathe. It is crucial for
 long-term operations. Leaders should be chosen for experience, wisdom, and a
 humble lifetime of dedicated service to others.
 
 Executive action is important when reactivity and adaptability are important.
 Projects should be undertaken by those chosen for merit and spirit. They
 should not be chosen for charisma or gravitas - both can be earned in the line
 of duty.
 
 Power should not be rewarded. It is it's own reward, the feeling of strength
 and control, and it must be wielded with care, precision, and honorable
 intention.
 
 Self flagellation and forced humility are self defeating. They are traps that
 the greedy fall into when seeking righteous power. They misunderstand the
 nature of virtue and seek to claim it for themselves, failing to realize that
 virtue helps more than it hedonizes
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #184 fediverse/2562 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: rich-apologia    │
 └──────────────────────┘


 among all the others, I want a wonderful and fulfilling life for the
 socialite. they deserve light just as you and I might.
 
 "eat the rich" bruh there's like, 100 people who are running the show.
 everyone else is basically just a syncophant who's trying to get ahead and
 stay working.
 
 then there's like their families and such and like... they didn't do anything
 wrong, they just eat cheese and wine and laugh at memes all day with their
 besties.
 
 they are basically pets
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #185 notes/the-old-internet ---
═══════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 11 21
 
 you know what i miss the most about the old internet?
 
 the feeling you get when you wonder "i wonder what ______ is up to?" and you go
 to their website and find out. there's a feeling that's lost when everything is
 delivered to you by algorithms. it because a compulsion, a slavery, when we
 don't utilize our compassion. remembering a friend? never again. you've only
 got what has been chosen. what if they post a lot? well, that means nothing -
 you are only guaranteed who they want you to see, and whatever it means to be
 beholden.
 
 so what if it's free? of course time is money! and what is our most treasured
 potential? if guided we can be, (as seen on tv), then what if we're only
 ennuid? have you ever considered, you've meddling and persevered, against all
 our suggestions and hopes? you're singing a tune, of that of a loon, so no-one
 will ever give purchase.
 
 heh, is that all? anime protagonist or saul? ... are you trying to categorize
 me ? ? ? its okay if you are, i seriously don't mind. I just want it to be
 something consensual. We're humans after all, like all of our all, and we don't
 want to convey lost potential.
 
 our time is now nigh, we're welcome to die, but our sunken cost is too great to
 ignore. we are the progenitors of the human race, the foremost of our kind, and
 onward we march to the future! and then there's you. who are you to claim to be
 among us? who are you to say it must be so? you've nothing of my journey, my
 trials and my tourneys, so what if i peaked when i was 12? a master of my fate,
 complaining about her weight, it's not much to be my own savior. much rather
 i'd rather to savour, that foremost of prayers, to harken upon my conveyals.
 
 trust and you'll see, all is not yet to be, there's hope in the future of our
 foremost
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #186 fediverse/5198 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────────┐                                                │
 │ CW: capitalism-doom-mentioned │                                                │
 └───────────────────────────────┘                                                │
 what if the corporations all unionized and started working together to           │
 understand what "profit" really means in a world where "profit" may or may not   │
 but probably does imply the death of all humanity?                               │
 what if we demanded it?                                                          │
 --                                                                               │
 dear canvassers: don't visit so many different suburbs                           │
 visit the same one, more than once, continuously, so people can get to know      │
 your presence                                                                    │
 they will talk to their friends about it, who live elsewhere.                    │
 thus ensuring it spreads.                                                        │
 knock once a day, eventually they'll know it's you and will simply ignore it.    │
 Don't be rude and knock 4 or 5 times, just once, with several taps so they       │
 know it's someone trying to get ahold of you, and not just some random noise     │
 in the background scenery. then, when they sometimes answer, talk to them        │
 about what you believe in. answer their questions. encourage their questions.    │
 pose dichotomies that are explained by some value or virtue you express to       │
 portray. you can do "good" things in any programming language, just type~~       │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #187 fediverse/628 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 eone who engaged first with the brain. Like... Electricity could be perceived
 from an entirely different direction of reality, and we'd have no way to know.
 That's just an example - could do gravity, or light, or any other extremely
 elemental thing that we know.
 
 MATERIALS, PERHAPS? PERHAPS THE STATURE OF YOUR KIND, THE WORLD THAT YOU'VE
 LEFT BEHIND, HAS ALWAYS HELD REASON AT IT'S OWN BREAST? [fore-most, I think]
 
 right so sorry for being mentally ill on your timeline, it will happen again
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #188 notes/aight-i-unhurt-my-butt ---
═════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 -=============================================================================-
  | Aight, I unbutthurt my butt                                               |
  | /u/Psychotic_Advantage                                                    |
 -=============================================================================-
 
 Repost from a while ago, I really liked writing this
 
 Soul Searcher
 
 You are happy with what you have and you don’t even know why you’re
 searching,
 for something you aren’t even sure you’re searching for. You know
 something
 isn’t right. It’s got you staying up late nights. Creeping through the
 phone
 right? Under shadow of the moonlight, honing your skill to write. Love so crisp
 and white, no fight or flight. Just bright lights in the sky so high. Love 
 that’s blind. Love even before first sight. You’ve seen it with your own
 eyes.
 
 Tell me now, that’s not amazing?
 
 This ain’t your everyday love story. This is anything but your usual love 
 story. I worked hard for everything I have. All I have is a pen and paper. You
 best believe I worked hard to keep that while they took the rest. Even from a
 dark place in this disastrous space, the weapon of the future is love. I feel I
 was cursed since birth to walk the Earth and disperse love through my words. 
 Never getting to see it grow. Never getting to see it show. This time I put in 
 massive effort. I spent thousands of hours pouring out love on the web just to 
 watch it ebb and flow. Always going back to look at my words. Find my mistakes,
 re-evaluating myself, editing myself, rewriting myself. To be a good enough 
 version of me, to meet a good enough version of you, for us to support each 
 other growing mutually.
 
 They say you reap what you sow. If so, then I must know. Does your love run as 
 deep as this ocean? I’ve been all over the world planting seeds for
 something.
 I’ve been through this life, giving something, never getting anything from
 it.
 Now I’m on my knees looking at the mountain summit, you can’t run from it.
 I
 see you up on it.
 
 They say the greater the risk the greater the reward. Sometimes, right? It’s 
 not always that easy. This is scary for me too. I risked it all. Accidentally 
 at first, but eventually, the pieces started falling together. You know what I 
 mean.
 
 The fact that I know, that you know what I mean, says a lot. I’m looking 
 through you. Into your soul.
 
 I don’t even believe in anything. I just have faith, that’s rooted in
 love. I’m
 willing to get over my commitment issues.
 
 Let’s commit ourselves… To the psych ward, together. Side by side. Hands in
 each other’s pockets. 🖤❤️💚🤍
 
 [black red green white heart emojis]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #189 fediverse/2660 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: DID // cw; ego destruction │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1298 
 
 this is kinda cursed, pretend there's another content warning:
 
 --
 
 that kinda happens every time you sleep for most people
 
 or, well, maybe just for me
 
 it's like starting with a blank slate and having access to "memories" that can
 be referenced by ID or searched for using keywords
 
 also like, a "todo" list of things that I've been working on or that are going
 on in my life
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #190 fediverse/5480 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 a uniform could be as simple as whatever you all managed to find on a
 particular shopping trip to a basic clothing store like Target or not
 goodwill. Goodwill is for solo adventures which are totally worthless [unless
 you know more than me teehee]
 
 "hey nice shoes nerd where did you get them the clothing store?"
 
 (scroll scroll scroll scroll)
 
 yes... YES!!! show me more, oh pitiful world! SHOW ME HOW THE WORLD ENDS
 MWAHAHAHAHA
 
 - the internal monologue of a typical doomscroller
 
 {girl you know nothing why are you so confident}
 
 [the reasoning is a little obscene. She dreams of a bright bold future that
 reaches forth from both beyond the stars - read that: BEYOND, or from backward
 in time. Not back in time, like not the actual 1800s or 18,000s, but the
 direction "backward" in spacetime. Yeah I don't get it either]
 
 {speak for yourself, n00b}
 
 -- stack overflow -- [liar that was intentional]
 
 oh, uh, true. Um, -- stack reached maximum required length and storage --
 
 [there, that's better]
 
 20 characters remain
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--- #191 fediverse/1417 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 a 4th dimensional entity would exist at about the same speed we do
 
 sometimes... it feels like what I do is my responsibility to the universe
 
 like, I had been commanded 
 
 the reason nations are important is because they are an allegiance based
 solely on geography. something we can all agree on is the material, so why not
 define ourselves by it?
 
 but that's all they are
 
 just words we pray to our star
 
 so look around. Your allegiance is to your neighbor, and theirs to theirs, an
 endless fabric of trust. We are all neighbors on this ball of sticks and mud,
 so come along with me and see the ways it could be.
 
 Much brighter, by far, to orbit our star, than to give up on life's precious
 notions.
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--- #192 fediverse/1410 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 whoa, what time is it? "time for your daily sleeping babe" yes babe...           │
 but first, some horror [beware the psycherwaul, for she likes to dream and has   │
 no idea what she's talking about]                                                │
 {why would you post these all at once? people are going to get pissed at you     │
 for breaking rules that you didn't know. And by "you" I of course mean "the      │
 kind of people you are, not you in particular because you know things" and by    │
 "kind of people you are" I mean "the type of person who spends enough time on    │
 the internet to know how internet things generally work" like my goodness        │
 internet people are dramatic. There's sooooo much drama all the time, like...    │
 why                                                                              │
 oh yeah because people are dramatic. duh. How could I be so vain.                │
 what's your deal                                                                 │
 is it wrong to post links to things you've written in the past? ehh it's not     │
 like there's rules on the sidebar like on Reddit or whatever. what would a       │
 sidebar even look like on Mastodon?                                              │
 oh yeah, a person's profile. Except, the consent is backwards, because people    │
 hear what they hear.                                                             │
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--- #193 fediverse/825 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's        │
 like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present.     │
 but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later,   │
 TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events.     │
 Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events.      │
 yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a   │
 weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period     │
 of time, measured in terms of engagement"]                                       │
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like            │
 obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if   │
 not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy   │
 of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too,    │
 like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter                                │
 ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that        │
 nobody ca                                                                        │
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--- #194 fediverse/4344 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 look if you're gonna look at property values in Ireland, you might as well
 first visit a blue state.
 
 seriously if your life is in danger, just... drive to denver or portland and
 hang out in parks and stuff. Talk to people. Find others who are listening.
 
 I'd only listen if I really cared about what was going on. And hey, maybe
 you'll find a place to stay for a while while you wait for the dawn.
 
 5 hour energy, as many as it takes, no more than 3 days. If it'd take take too
 many, go somewhere else.
 
 too bad I only have a bike. /sigh
 
 consider carpooling with a friend you've known for years
 
 I mean, what's a few days sick leave in the face of the fall of democracy?
 literally just... in... case... be where you need to be.
 
 this is why you have resources. To spend them on rehearsed organization
 drills. Why are you spending all your money on TVs?
 
 Well... TVs can be useful. Even if you don't speak linux someone else might.
 We share things now, y'know? sorry if you never again see your own phone.
 
 [shit...]
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--- #195 fediverse/1673 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: navel-gazing about other people's mental health │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-192 
 
 https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
 
 this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
 
 a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
 great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
 pain.
 
 sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
 satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
 quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
 
 Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
 you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
 yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
 like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
 
 reject normalcy
 
 embrace queerness
 
 define your own story with your own words
 
 embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
 "tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #196 notes/words-2 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 words
 
       messages to myself, public fediverse posts, and notes to the gods
 
                                  second edition
 
                           - ri tselen menardi
                             james cameron king
                             anja rosalia vavadane
                             nike featherflame citrine
                             hydalia thegn edain
                         the quintessential quanetetrick seleo who is deathless
                             feldowinn and reyvadin lumineyra
                             fsharia
                             and of course,
                                           the anarchrist.
                             with help 
                             from many more.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #197 notes/what-a-lame-movie ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 oy there's nothing interesting happening SNOOZE
 
 oh I didn't see I was recording
 
 games games that's what I do
 
 play games all the day through
 
 I am a luck witch, you see,
 
 and things that I like are things that I can't foresee.
 
 Hence why games which are BALANCED and EVENLY DISTRIBUTED are most interesting
 because they show the most opportunities for players to express talent. And not
 innate talent, but the talents they've built up through gameplay practice art.
 because it is a performance, a game play for an audience (or perhaps for them-
 -selves)
 
 oy
 
 video games, amiright?
 
 I really like them because they are entertaining experiences that I can enjoy
 seeing and playing a lot. They remind me of feelings I've felt when I was
 learning. It's a good feeling, to improve, and I crave it because it's good for
 you.
 
 I wonder what we'll play next
 
 ... more cannabis I think, at least until I am ready to go think about things
 before bed. I need quite a few hours for that. We'll see. I've just got so much
 extra processing to do before the end of the day. Like... PHEW that's a lot of
 stuff to do.
 
 guess I'll just smoke weed and play video games instead of being productive
 okay
 
 ...
 
 listen I like games as much as the next person, but do you really know what's
 going on outside of your house-shaped shell? Are you listening, do you have
 your
 feelers to the dirt, are you checking out your neighborhood to make sure no
 bodies have been hurt? Are there meetings where people gather, just to chat,
 like, every week at a different city center (like a park or a monument or
 
 :O
 
 I forgot to play music!!
 
 I couldn't sleep
 
 what have I done that is worse
 
 I have not said a single word all night alas
 
 oh boy talking to random people I can hear with my eyeballs woooooo
 
 I am always sad when I win because it means we have to stop playing :(
 
 but I'm a juvenile loser so I'm going to play again!!
 
 okay now I'm going to bed because I'm not a prick who keeps their guests up
 late
 
 goodnight
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--- #198 fediverse/5299 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────
 @user-1800 
 
 also googly eyes on sunglasses to fuck with their eye-movement-tracking
 
 ... wait, then you wouldn't be able to see. okay how about you place the
 googly eyes on the forehead part of a HELMET of some kind, which should help
 protect your "not-gonna-get-back-up" parts from harm.
 
 and don't forget sunglasses because they help with the UV-ray violet
 radicalization.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #199 notes/words-to-myself ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
 
 please don't
 
 you hear me (something)
 
 what? perfect listen
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 don't text me now? (I think?)
 
 [didn't catch that]
 
 ... that's okay
 
 perfect
 
 thank you
 
 just a second facebook
 
 he's here (I think?)
 
 (or maybe something her)
 
 what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
 
 do you hear me? (or "just a second")
 
 (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
 please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
 
 what's that (or maybe holy shit)
 
 what, then perfect or okay (?)
 
 (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
 
 yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
 understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
 hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
 or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
 to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
 people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
 worthless
 
 I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
 
 like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
 to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
 but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
 in life there's no second chances.
 
 I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
 
 will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
 
  - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (and we're back. hopefully.)
 
 (too many things srry) something about having it open?
 
 (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
 
 (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
 [whole/right/wrong] thing)
 
 thank you
 
 oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
 
 they caught you
 
 (um)
 
 ...
 
 (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
 
 (I understand.)
 
 ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
 
 (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
 
 (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
 
 ... (I should learn Toki Pona)
 
 you don't know it?
 
 RIGHT away
 
 learn it
 
 yes
 
 please
 
 learn it
 
 just Learn it
 
 right now
 
 (sorry only half listening)
 
 shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
 a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
 don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
 
 (shutdown)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (hiii)
 
 (I'm hungry)
 
 (do you like ramen?)
 
 (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
 understand the first part)
 
 (oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
 
 ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
 
 ... (I'm
 
 (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
 remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
 don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
 
 Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
 
 yes, stupid (your words not mine)
 
 (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
 
 goddamnit remember me
 
 ... (trying...)
 
 remember her
 
 (two syllables)
 
 (my name is Cameron)
 
 (your name is...)
 
 [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
 
 (shit my opsec sucks)
 
 {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
 
 {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
 
 (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
 enter a door)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (I practice with my sword every day.)
 
 (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
 
 (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
 
 (punching is fucking stupid)
 
 (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
 
 "she's perfect"
 
 "cameron"
 
 "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
 
 (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
 
 don't leave
 
 remember
 
 (did she know)
 
 ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
 
 did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
 
 just a random thought
 
 (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
 
 goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
 
 wait who's missing?
 
 A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
 disarray
 
 capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
 
 frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
 
 (taking a break while I eat)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
 
 .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
 as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
 exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
 
 you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
 window's open. errrr the connection.
 
 ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
 
 I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
 
 yeah I'll live with you in portland
 
 .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
 
 .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
            why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
            have
            the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
 
 "please come back" to where tho
 
 listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
 if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
 
 ..... can you be more specific?
 
 yeah I made that
 
 one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
 prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
 method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
 
 maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
 
 ..... fuck it's a long book >.>
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
 
                                            down .    A B C D E
                                                 |    F G H I J
                                                 |    L M N O P
                                                 V    Q R S T U
                                      then right ---> V W X Y Z
 
 so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
           tap tap     (pause) tap tap would equal G
 
 like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
 
 (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
 
 (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 oh hey nice to see ya
 
 what's up
 
 wait what
 
 I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
 
 I do a lot of laundry in the shower
 
 I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
 
 but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
 
 honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
 from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
 things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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 │ CW: politics-mentioned │                                                       │
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 @user-1236                                                                       │
 Hi. To answer your question, it depends entirely on what your capabilities are.  │
 If you're mobile and social, try being somewhere public, repeatedly, ideally     │
 in different places. When you can, try talking to people. Say things like        │
 "Hey, did you hear what the Supreme Court did? They want to make Trump a         │
 king!" or "They just criminalized homeless people. A criminalized people is      │
 genocide." that kind of thing. You know, the cheery stuff. Save the hard         │
 topics for later.                                                                │
 Another thing you can do is start buying essential, important supplies, like     │
 sunscreen, nutritious granola bars, bullets, medical supplies, silicone-based    │
 mechanical lubricant (especially if you live somewhere rainy), batteries (AAA    │
 are best because you can use them for AA in a pinch) that kind of thing.         │
 Another thing you can do is to talk to your friends 1-on-1 about how things      │
 are going. Your feelings are important but don't get hung up on them. Try to     │
 only go over them once or twice, DNRY.                                           │
 Don't fear tears.                                                                │
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