=== ANCHOR POEM === ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┐ ║ ┌─────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: feelings-mentioned~ │ │ ║ └─────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ dear diary: sorry for the melodrama, I feel better now. I should explain why I │ ║ felt this way near what I wrote about what I felt this way so that I know why │ ║ I felt that way when I forget to go back and read this next year or next time │ ║ I feel this way. │ ║ │ ║ I had a really great thanksgiving. I was on top of the world. Then, I found │ ║ that a piece of art I had made which was one of my favorite pieces I had ever │ ║ made might have been lost because someone didn't like me. I became despondent │ ║ and started thinking about metaphysics. I got hit by a spite spell, and the │ ║ tricksters behind the curtain twiddling the knobs and dials of the challenges │ ║ presented to me or whatever were like "ah but what if we twisted her" and I'm │ ║ like "ah I feel immense magnitude of emotions and now suddenly they're buffer │ ║ overflowed and flipped around to negative two hundred thousand or whatever" │ ║ │ ║ ... sorry to my journal. I should be kinder to myself. I love me. I, uh, feel │ ║ better now. The sharpest knives are already inside you. │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═════─────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/100 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── @user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to them. Empathy is like human telepathy. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/294 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── the fact that the content warnings are part of the body text means that if you write the body first but use EXACTLY EVERY CHARACTER like I've been doing (most of the time, unless I'm interrupted) like... it won't even give me a break to delete. so there's no room for content-warnings, which ideally would be written at the beginning before starting a thought, but as you can see mine tend to... wander. it's like I'm living 15 different lives all at once, and they crisscross and go yonder. it's wilding, it's empowering, it's strange and it's confusing, but through consideration we develop new learnings and onward our future does = so = anyway, I apologize, sincerely and deeply, if my words hurt you. I'm sorry for what you thought, and I'm sorry for how it made you feel. I'm going to try reserving a certain amount of characters before I start writing, so maybe that'll help. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #3 notes/what-is-on-your-mind-oh-gosh-now-i-see --- ═════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────── that feeling i get, when nobody's watching. is sorta similar to the feeling i get when somebody's watching. could it be, that someone could percieve without being seen? like... an invisibility cloak. or the shroud that protects young children. have you ever been hunted? or are you just eager prey? the eyes that are on you are blind to what you won't do, so cherish that love and restart from mine to thine we realize we are one kind. one mind, one kind, to be is not to be, now we can see what's our existence. good versus evil seems like a conflict to me, and wouldn't ya know it there's conflict all over. it's easy to condemn your opponent to the starkest of contrasts, but find in your heart a feeling that might last. what purpose has conviction when it leads to destruction is it not better to lead to the last? bright, shining, illustrious examples that inspire and =============================================================================== = those feelings you hear? the things that keep you up at night? they're not coming from your ears. they're all in your mind. stay present and you'll hear none, but blink and then there's some, you better believe in your heart. morality is a battle within the soul of each of us - the call of adventure versus lust. think about it. a bunch of apes all hanging out - they're conquered the world, they have nothing to fear - what would they do but fuck? that, or exploration - fighting against monsters and foreign invasions. it makes sense that they'd be binary - humans truly are. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/1042 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────┐ │ CW: personal-vent-sorry │ └─────────────────────────┘ "your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to you for anything because you suck and are wrong?" also, "my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I said so." also, "I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]" also, "yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat." also, "every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a conversation I can't win" also, sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/510 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────── @user-246 Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with. Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/790 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────── @user-246 is this... undefined behavior? or does it evaluate to 5 every time it's called? I find that often my art makes me feel intense emotions, not all of them good. But sharing those emotions with others is a tricky task (so I've recently learned) because you can easily overload people with negative feelings - just because you're feeling bad, doesn't mean you need to make others feel bad. Perhaps they were already feeling bad, and if you intensely and sharply poke them with your intense emotions while they're in a vulnerable or safe state/place... you can hurt them, more than you intended by expressing your feelings. balance in all things, as does a wave orbit a central axis so too should our behavior align toward the direction we'd like to travel. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/3879 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── @user-1614 yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it takes. I'm used to it. Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of the moment? I feel different now. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #8 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights --- ═══════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── "Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online, in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just one single day. but it's never going to happen. I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change, learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues. but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us, a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends. So to what do I owe the pleasure? In what way am I deceived? Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time. With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms. Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free. silence is a virtue. the wandering mind is a trail to find, with no second chances. When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but the Mirror of Desire. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘══════───┴╧───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #9 notes/i-miss-you --- ══════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── Hey. How've you been? It's rough when you're not around. I'm scared all the time, and I worry about you. I hope you keep yourself safe. I'd love to spend time with you too, because each moment is a moment spent alive. Please know how much I love you - it's my favorite emotion and I give it freely. There are certain considerations to make whenever applying a direction to your affection, or anger, mistrust, compassion, humor, sentimentality, melancholy, and fear toward. You must take into account any long term goals you have, such as exploitation and Sometimes I wonder if my dysphoria isn't just an extreme form of self esteem issues. I mean, what if you just feel really bad about yourself and you don't know why. That'd be a rough time, right? Like it's seared into your DNA to be this way, and you have to find a way around it. That's a lot of responsibility, and all that resting on your shoulders is a lot to bear. But you manage, and it's admirable. I think you don't believe other's see your struggle, but they do. And they love you for your tenacity? - goodness. i don't know what to say. i am worried i lean on others too much, and i don't want to hurt anyone by being too close. a real or imagined fear, doesn't matter - it still guides my actions and my methods of interaction. i see what you're saying, i have to think about it. What's there to think about? - well, the idea that emotions are divisible simply because *time* is divisible. clearly you can only spend 5 hours a day with person X, and 4 with person Y, and so on and so forth. if they all hung out together, then it's like you need an entire new persona to represent yourself in that particular crowd. just as you speak to your grandma differently than a close friend or a person of authority (like a judge) or any other type of relationship. that's why it's so weird when you see people out of context. like a teacher at a bar, or a cop at a wedding. each person wears a different mask in each encapsulated set of social relations, locations, roles, and circumstances. on and on continuously until I'd tell you I love you, but then I'd have to kill you. It was a spy book about a young lady who goes to high school and learns how to be a secret agent. It was popular in the 2000's for a brief period, but I've never heard anyone else who read it. Mostly because it was sort of a guilty pleasure for me, since I was in the closet. It felt like a power fantasy disguised as a 1st person account of the near term future (since it was written for people around middle school age) so ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════┴╧═══────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/6239 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: death-mentioned │ └──────────────────────┘ somehow that came out wrong - I meant when you die, suddenly you stop growing and you are who you be. forever, alegacy. I'd rather be awake and alive, thank you very much. I think I'm worth more as such. Plus it's nice, to me? to be unafraid and free? if you'd feed a cat, you'd shelter a humon. oh, you want me to work like a rat. ah well I'll wander through this maze, with my head all in a daze, we'll see what I can still see tomorrow. ... I'd rather not be who I don't actively want to be, I think the more correct way of saying it. I mispronounced. I misspoke. Sorry it's just hard for me. my cats meowing at me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘ --- #11 messages/147 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────── maybe if I slept until the end of time, I'd do better on the way back. or maybe I'm perfect as I'm, but I'm not so sure about that. is it better to hold a sword? or to leave it all intact is it better to be called lord, or to be simply called jack. I love every creature, every child woman and man, and here, where I stand, I look out upon this land, and I see the world that I was born to. I bear no false affection for any - not even those who'd condemn me to death or misery. I trust relentlessly, and favor almost willingly. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/2654 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── I'm not bitter, you're bitter. >.> ... okay, take a breath, you're fine. It's hard to handle negative feelings when you're alone because other people can't boost you up. We rely on each other for emotional stability, but when you're alone you can only feel your emotions at the same rate as your thoughts. And your thoughts need to process the events you're experiencing, using emotion as an "encoding" for preserving the "meaning" of your life's story. Bit by bit you learn new things, while living through life, and the lessons you learn from them are generated from the cognitive conclusions reached by cognitively interpreting emotional reactions to each moment. like "this-or-that thing happened and I feel that-or-this way, meaning I should act such-and-such way in the future when presented with situations that bear similarity to this current one that's ongoing." ... turn it upside down, right, makes sense mastodon feed. thanks for redirecting me in a different direction through your pseudo-randomized input. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/1308 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────── found some flowers by the garbage today. They brightened my day and floraled my window. I left some for the others who might want to take them to their loved ones, of which I have none who might see them. But I did take a few, to feel loved by myself. Thank you, kind stranger, who did feel fit to grace me with your bounty. Thank you kind stranger, for this ephemeral beauty. They smell nice. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/480 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┐ ║ There's something important in what I said tonight. And each of you will think │ ║ it's something different, which is by design. Can you find the nugget I wanted │ ║ to share, to you in particular? Can you isolate the thing that is relevant to │ ║ you, the person perceiving the words that I speak? Oh yeah you're only looking │ ║ for things to express to your superiors because someone else told you to look │ ║ for a particular type of sentiment. My bad. Sorry for being cryptic. Am I so │ ║ strange for seeking the human element? Perhaps I lose myself, and I speak to │ ║ the void (and by "void" I don't mean to demean you, the audience, because you, │ ║ the audience, are surely comprised of people who surely have their own │ ║ experience and existence. Surely nobody would seek to harm me, after hearing │ ║ those things I speak. Surely we, as the human species, would not be vulnerable │ ║ to the types of weaknesses that allow for critical failures in our defences │ ║ such as the kind that I am professing to exploit (while being aligned to you) │ ║ surely we wouldn' │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #15 messages/1108 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──── games won't save us. This is true. Games are what I know. They feel the most true. I don't think I could live in a world without games? They are fundamentally, applied abstraction, applied to an experience. But games won't save us. I could design something really fun it could make you want to spend your whole life playing it. *(asterisks apply) I don't think I'd want to, addiction and skinner-boxes go hand in hand, and that isn't what I want to make. [Skinner Box: named after anthony d skinner, also known as "tony the skin guy", are a scientific experiment where they put some rats in a cage with some mice and said "pull these levers and we'll give you food so you don't have to eat the mice" and it trained them to chinese red-room their way to fun. not ideal.] I want to make things that feel... purposeful. Like they're relevant to the real world, that they don't just involve spending time stimulating your brain with lights and sounds or expending social energy resolving a play-state instead of building connections or becoming better people. I think games actually make people better? actually? and more social? actually? ... I can't help that I conceive of the world through fantasy. I raised myself on it. I was reading all the time. I loved fantasy stories. It always felt like there was more, until... I read everything in the kids section of the library. I walked through the adult section but once. I hardly remember what it looked like. I'm sure it'd now feel small. [okay actually I was guided through it once or twice to find a book, but I never perused it] I found one book in the adult section. It was a fantasy tale, like the other books I had been reading. I read that and I loved it so much I ended up reading all 8 in the series. Real dense subjects. Lots of places and happenings and things as the characters resolved their way through their day-to-day, building a new end to the mystory. the adult section felt too large. Like I'd never complete it. Frankly, I think I hardly could, even if I lived in that town my whole life. an impossible mountain is a task for another when you're more prepared. Maybe in the gloriousTM transhumanist futureTM I think I might have a computer connecting brain, and who knows maybe then I'd be able to know such a thing (and many things more). but for now, I'm stuck with what I experience in my day-to-day as I am building a new continuing to my storey. I know something that computers and me share. I can make myself feel however I'd like, if I just supply myself with enough hope and momentum. I can use it to generate a feeling, the stronger the better. Something I believe that humanity is missing, the gorgeous and prefound narritave of our storey. Though, frankly, I don't think I'd want anyoine reding over my life. It's hard enough to measure my own understandings, now I have to juggle anyone else'? ha, it's called being on the whole world is a stage. if you read a book, and you find yourself nodding along, what you're doing is hearing the voice in your head tell you how right it is. And, well, if you can't imagine anything else, then surely there's another level to consciousness that people are missing? [are you willing to die on that hill?] how can you say, whether your experience is different from another? sollipsism goes both ways, you also cannot be sure that others feel things as you do. this is the "everyone's human but I'm a robot" thesis, comparable to the "everyone's an alien and I'm a human" thesises, and the "angels and demons are taunting me through my life with choices to make my place in the afterlife more clear" which is akin to writing a painting. Not ideal. All you get are flopsopolies of verbrases. alas, suddenly, everything that you say becomes eternally hear-ed, as somewhere in 2010s someone discovered time travel, or had the critical insight that inevitably would lead to it, and now wouldn't you know it the universe is continually rewriting. Except... oriented around you, and you alone. How does it feel to have deific sollipsism? can you truly be sure that you are your own universe, or are you parhaps surrounded by an emptiness of space (or something besides, like time) as a photon or particle parhaps do be? to think is to have a mind, and minds can be read. bearing the weight of ultimate responsibility is the atlas-task of all things that can [be thinking/be-lieving], and so far we are as we are. Who's to say that consciousness didn't spring into existence, as the universe continually permeated through another dimension like time? it's gotta diffuse, after all, and who's to say if there's ever gotta be an end at all. how long has the universe existed? how many moments of consciousness have we witnessed? demons once existed outside of space-time, with wings and grabbies. but they had no medium, and so they pretty much just launched and could float and move as they'd please. But time grew too distant, and now they are all stuck at the beginning of time. if you conceive of spacetime as a blanket, ask not how to fold it but rather consider what lies on the other side of it. "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend and my other girlfriend is laying on me! I'm a sandwich" or for the monosexuals: "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend with a blanket between us. I wonder how the blanket feels?" I'm an animist, which is different than a totemist and a polytheist or monotheist or multisexual. It means I believe that all things are alive, which is different than a totemist who thinks that all things share a mind with their type (like talking on radio frequency wavelengths). which of course is similar but different to a polytheist, who says "all "radio frequencies" are sentient, in the sense that each wavelength has a different pattern-emerging-from-chaos. These sorta align (conceptually, with [huh that's weird I heard a sound like a distant bang outyards and now I then forget what I was sending ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┘ --- #16 fediverse/3216 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: mental-health-mentioned │ └─────────────────────────────┘ me: i write gud also me: "in the garden of even, where all populations were balanced, there was no need for hatred - why hate, when you know that bloodshed was surely not for sport? why hate, when your life was won or lost in proportion to the calculation that nature determined to be the result of your struggle, to determine which survivor was most fittest?" WHICH IS IT, HUH? you can do better, self, please be better, it's better to be better, you refuse to respect yourself and then you wonder why you feel so dejected and wretched. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/1673 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: navel-gazing about other people's mental health │ └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ @user-192 https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613 this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough" a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in pain. sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts. Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness, you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations. reject normalcy embrace queerness define your own story with your own words embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of "tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/3738 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── "girl why are you so negative" uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one makes me feel like a muggle. "no I said why are you so naked" oh, because it's hot as heck!! plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house. like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur? "extortionist" no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #19 messages/898 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────── The yard right now, as it is, is the most beautiful lawn I've ever had. But i lay no claim to it, it's not mine or my own. Still, i love it, so i advocate for it when i can. It feels wrong that you so ardently argue for its destruction when you haven't taken any time to get to know it. You hide from it and refuse to trust that its possible to enjoy it. Do you ever just sit around in it? The summer is perfect weather for shade gazing. Also, The fact that you've weaponized your emotions against me to get what you want kinda hurts because i have made no attempt to claim it as my property that i control and wield. It feels like manipulation. Like you wanted to fight me, wanted to hurt me, and the yard is just how it gets done. Every time we have ever talked about it, I've argued my point friendly and tried to problem solve. All I've received is spite and shutdown in return, and i am perplexed as to how i could be better. It feels like you don't respect me, or treat me as an equal, and that any concerns i have are just creating drama. But my feelings are constantly hurt, when all I've done is try to be kind to you. I wonder if it's because you're paying to be here, both with labor and dollars, and i am housed without a home? I love it here. I am loved here. Why could it not be home? I want to show you all that yards can be, especially since we have two of them and can use them for different purposes. I closed the blinds in my room so that you can hang out back there without worrying about being seen. I'd only notice if i walked out the screen door. Again, problem solving. The backyard is Zelda habitat in the same way that its Cameron habitat ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/4208 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────┐ │ CW: personal-and-weird │ └────────────────────────┘ my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you could utilize it. "ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with." sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and find an orthogonal thought train to process. it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies behind you. Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline. I like me ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ |