=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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I was going to go to location today, but then while I was considering going to
a different location before going to location I decided not to vacate my home
for today for reasons I don't understand but accept as natural and due to the
increased presence of directionless motion that guides and prevails me. which
is to say... I'm staying in tonight even though I really really wanna show off
my cute new outfit! I probably will do cannabis so there might be a
psycherwaul. If there isn't, then y'know it's probably because either my
girlfriend distracted me, or I managed to convince myself to move my feet
anyway. Maybe it's my outfit? I wonder if I could leave if I wore my old
clothes... ah well, questions for the vocal I guess. Gonna spend some time
divining and see if I can gather new insights. "brb door" except more like
"brb magic"
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/4654 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #2 fediverse/1157 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-woe │
└──────────────────────┘
oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
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--- #3 fediverse/3738 ---
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"girl why are you so negative"
uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
makes me feel like a muggle.
"no I said why are you so naked"
oh, because it's hot as heck!!
plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
"extortionist"
no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
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--- #4 fediverse/1431 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-generic-kooky-dookerie-psychosis-schizophrenia-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
if you haven't spend hours wondering if you're god, the antichrist, a
cognitohazard, the future president of the world, a target of aliens / the
CIA, or any other number of common delusions... then congratulations you're
probably not crazy
but odds are you aren't magic, either.
... ehhhh "wonder" is a strong word, more like "know, trust, and believe"
much better to be a witch I believe, someone with the "teehee" kind of magic
than someone compelled to destroy humanity through the reactions of others to
the actions of the self that are impossible to resist or fully control.
BRB I'm going to leave my apartment to get groceries, leaving my door unlocked
because that's what I always do, surely it'll be empty when I return. Surely.
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--- #5 fediverse/5951 ---
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"uh-oh, she's"
magic is easy. all you have to do is earnestly attempt to have a conversation
with whoever will listen. I like to sit on my bed and listen, by earnestly
allowing my thoughts to be guided by the wind.
open up your mind, release yourself from your senses, and who knows - maybe
someone will adjust your thinking flows. (thought patterns)
[all you gotta do is make the black market the regular market and suddenly
everything just flows]
huh weird idk where that came from, anyway
magic is easy, just represent yourself earnestly as you would if you were
presenting in court
you don't need witnesses... just argue your point without any lies and people
will generally believe you.
"yeah... sure thing buddy, we know how you pronounce "
omg I'm scary because I don't shower, I wear diapers, and I'm always often
smoking cannabis
"awww, some people wanted mao"
meow
what if... they could do that? insert magical genie witch whoa cute yeah I
believe you, sure
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--- #6 fediverse/1195 ---
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@user-883
alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
picture, I'm kinda crazy:
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--- #7 messages/18 ---
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Hey, it's 3:30am and I can't sleep because I have a new treatment plan for
you. I'm excited to go over it with you when you return - basically it's micro
dosing edibles instead of vaporizing. At least until we're in our own place.
I noticed that we use cannabis differently - I use it like a tool, and you use
it as a drop in replacement for alcohol. But it can't work like that, if you
aren't sacrificing anything then how can you expect to get better? The end
goal is a situation where we don't feel compelled to use substances at all.
And that's not possible if you maintain your addictive behavior - that's how
people develop drug problems, by chasing the ever receding high you'll be
dooming yourself to an eternal life of hunger.
I say stonks to that. We're going to get you better. I can't keep doing weed
this way because not only does it affect me mentally, but I'm beginning to
enjoy it for its own sake, which is antithetical to how I want to use it. But
I also can't be around people who do it the other way (as a drug and not a
tool) so I just want to be clear that this is important to me. I'm going to
help you heal but you have to do it my way now because your way makes me crazy
and will drive you to harder drugs if you don't change your method.
This time in Hawaii and Minnesota will serve as a tolerance break for you.
Once you're back, we'll have a clean slate to restart on.
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--- #8 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │
║ again. │
║ │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │
║ │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │
║ │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │
║ to [stack overflow] │
║ │
║ what's time if not the present amiright │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway... │
║ │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │
║ at heart I guess │
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--- #9 fediverse/4676 ---
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... but I needed to choose lawful-good at character creation in order to play
a paladin.
the guard looks at you with confusion, decides you're hallucinating and
dangerous (because of the sword) and forcibly detains you
wait, what did you think I was going to say? Did you think I was going to
advocate for crimes on a public forum?? what am I a gopher? do you take me for
a lemur in jamaica? am I truly so triceratops to you that you'd think I'd do
something so washing machine? Get real, I'd never byzantium my way into such a
utterly coherent and clearly intentional and not at all arcane situation.
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--- #10 fediverse/4200 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
"doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
and their hopes and dreams.
or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
...
... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
these precious stones of your kin"
but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
... the end...
(too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #11 fediverse/5982 ---
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when I stretch, it feels like I'm finally getting blood flow to my farthest
parts.
when I work out, it's like I'm pumping health through my body. but only when
I'm in a rhythm. when I'm going for very long, I get hallucinations like I'm
stoned. I once walked for 3 days straight with 2 hours of rest, plus standing
every time I crossed the street waiting for cars. never sitting though. and a
lean was only for laughs.
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--- #12 fediverse/5512 ---
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I never give up
I'm just waiting my turn
"laughs nervously"
so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
"girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
internet four or so years ago"
T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
a difference T.T
"didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
can talk about things other than their hats
... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
back around again they're never around. Rats.
"what are you even asking for"
I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
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--- #13 messages/1250 ---
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if a bunch of people are in town for a conference then they should probably go
confer. I think you can just... walk in to conference centers? you don't like,
need an appointment or anything. There's often something going on, and if not,
then you can at least wander around. maybe strike up conversations about
industries you're in or things that you are thinking about lately or stuff you
like like plant species or rock types or multidimensional solids or spheric
sound or... actually that's pretty specific, here let's start with just
bikeshedding (what does that mean again?) oh it's a cinema style where they
take something and they put it in a bike out shed.
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--- #14 fediverse/5666 ---
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okay. psycherwaul scheduled for tonight and tuesday. should be fun, I don't
get a chance to do readings very often. Only like once or twice a week! Gah
the spirit inside me demands to be channeled, and though I protest it still
does contest me.
all things are defined in waves
ephemeren sees and speaks through me, as it does do through you, and he and
she and we and the.
I'll try to have a #nogoodawfulrottenbadtime so that the future is slightly
better.
or maybe I should try and vibe with the universe and celebrate the unity of
existence, in order to accrete positivity in this localized place in spacetime?
who am I to meddle with the flavor of fate?
- stack overflow
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--- #15 fediverse/825 ---
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║ in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's │
║ like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present. │
║ │
║ but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later, │
║ TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events. │
║ Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events. │
║ yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a │
║ weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period │
║ of time, measured in terms of engagement"] │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like │
║ obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if │
║ not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy │
║ of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too, │
║ like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that │
║ nobody ca │
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--- #16 fediverse/6271 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
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--- #17 fediverse/5136 ---
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not really, I guess. Nobody will hire me because I don't really want to get
hired. Sounds boring, doing the same thing every couple days. I'd rather stay
at home in my [underwear/pajamas] and waste the day away with kittens and
care. why? why? what are you doing? she asks. The less you can do, the more
power will be granted to you. Save it for another time, when things actually
matter.
but today, does, matter, because today dictates your latters. Tomorrow is
predicated. on today. and today is all that you have. [this paragraph in the
style of alec baldwin]
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--- #18 fediverse/1844 ---
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║ I got a job offer for a job outside of my state. But I don't want to leave my │
║ home. I feel safe here. I know people. I know the places around me. │
║ │
║ The one perk is that goods and services are easier to acquire, but I don't │
║ need much. I'm fine where I'm at. But where I'm at has rent. │
║ │
║ What a plague is it, that we must suffer for life! │
║ │
║ there's no entry-level jobs for working with our sight. │
║ │
║ only when youre too tired to complain will they let you direct others, or │
║ share creative ideas for fixing the problems you're paid to assuage. │
║ │
║ Alas, that my life had meaning. That my words were better off spoken. Maybe │
║ then Id live as I define, designing a world of my own hearth. │
║ │
║ but if a king lives in decent frugality, are they really so bad for our flock? │
║ │
║ and if a wizard spins tales that are weird to consider, but not much else... │
║ are they better off starved in the dark? │
║ │
║ no-one likes me. computers are paper-weights given light. sure would be nice │
║ if none but the fools went wanting. │
║ │
║ I mean yeah I'd live in a treehouse │
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--- #19 fediverse/4521 ---
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I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't
really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities.
On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a
good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and
yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if
they know me.
I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how
important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it.
I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody
chastises the mage for skipping leg day.
I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a
bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I
can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to
this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u
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--- #20 fediverse/1971 ---
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│ CW: drugs-mentioned-probably-delusional-psychosis-idk-though-i'm-not-a-doctor │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
listen, if you didn't want me to do a bunch of drugs then why would you
consistently say "please stop doing drugs" every time I do drugs? And no I'm
not hallucinating a voice in my head telling me "please stop doing drugs"
because A. it's not a voice, I'm not hearing it with my hears, which means B.
it's definitely just a hallucination, and hallucinations are always to be
considered WRONG and BAD, right? Or was I not listening in therapy? Ah, well,
better take another hit, where's my shotglass? Hmmmmm I should watch Adventure
Time, that's a great show.
[bro it's a saturday, why are you getting turnt like it's tuesday]
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--- #21 fediverse/5374 ---
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@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
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--- #22 fediverse/999 ---
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│ CW: cursed-curséd-scary-not-real-u-dont-have-to-read │
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@user-246 @user-473
there's a part of me that believes magic is real. other parts that are
convinced. I am a witch, you see, and while I can't quite control fire or
bullets I can do other neat things. if you'd let me, humanity.
I'm not doing an ARG, not intentionally. I pretty much post things I conceive
of, like a conduit passed through spacetime. wild how mind bending the future
can be. will be interesting to see what kinds of things there is in store for
people you and me.
those websites you posted... they're beautiful - I learned things, your method
of expression was too [the words "confess" are heard loudly, super weird] I
especially liked the oven that tries to lure you into a secret third place.
not the mind, nor the body, but someplace besides.
also the graphs and figures were news to me, I mean how could those numbers
ever come to be? but alas that's the truth, that we orbit our proof, and alas
that our meanings are lacking.
[ran out of text]
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--- #23 fediverse/5843 ---
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me when it's cold out: we should all bundle up and get through the winter,
every year that passes is more time to gather our strength
me when the temperature rises: okay so this is being handled by those guys,
we're moving this way to do this, and - when did you say the this-and-that was
happening? alright so when you do that-or-this, make sure that you pay
attention to the so-and-so and don't forget to eat real meals, candy or chips
don't count.
me when the eyes are on me: imma play video games and smoke weed and be a
useless little creature who does nothing but occasionally wanders around the
city doing nothing for nobody and dropping notes on post-its that don't mean
anything but are kinda cool to read
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--- #24 notes/not-gonna-post-that ---
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I was stretching just now and notreally paying attention to my body and just
feeling the most "stretchable" area that I hadn't stretched yet and I
accidentally made a hitler solute - sorry I was just stretching!! pls don't
interpret things into that like accidentally almost jesusing HEY I SAID NO
INTERPRETING ahhhh dangit humans are so
--- stack overflow ---
give your rulers power and let them keep it. Pick them because they'd be good
at it. Fulfilling their sacred vow to you.
--- stack overflow ---
I bet you could touch the spirit realm if you placed speakers next to a river
and noise cancelled it for a short time
--- stack overflow ---
nobody knows what jesus looks like. so you can draw him however you choose.
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--- #25 fediverse/2172 ---
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@user-570
I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
can't tick
[off your list of things to work on]
habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
or pentameter or whatever.
anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
... hypervigilance strikes again...
I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
had so many more interesting things going on.
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--- #26 fediverse/5636 ---
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I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
and all they saw were the outtakes.
I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
but they never talk to me
so they don't know me.
oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
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--- #27 fediverse/581 ---
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@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
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--- #28 fediverse/5486 ---
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│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
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"ew but they're dirty"
oh yeah true
okay new plan how much do you think it'll cost to buy a hotel
[this is why the socialists invented buy-in]
"I don't think socialists did that??"
buy in, hmmmm, what's that? oh yeah it's when you say "hey what if we X'd" and
they said "yes I agree with you because you present a reasonable estimate on
reality"
{uh hi I just got a message from "some-nowhere" here ya go: "oh my god she's
fuckig instane}
[ugh cursing-mentioned, that means there's fewer characters to transmote.]
[no because then I'd run out of steam and it'd be incomplete. Plus sometimes I
like the distraction of a reasonable limitation.]
(okay, but are YOU worth it?)
leave her alone she's working her charms, this is how witches d-do.
"so, isn't the point to give yourselves the coverage of a location
transmutation? so, wouldn't you want to find someone alike and share their
life?"
what is even the point, why even bother, just give them
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--- #29 fediverse/2165 ---
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@user-570
hell yeah.
I never did any drugs at one.
I might have even been designated driver, though I might be confusing my
memories with attending gay bars in college.
Well, gay bar. There was really only one in my town.
And it was a nightclub I guess, open every night of the week.
The people that I was with NEEDED that experience, so I was like "yeah sure
I'm older and more experienced, I'll drive you and keep you safe and hang out
with you if you drink too much because being a kid that tends to happen
sometimes and don't worry I'll watch over you and protect you and make sure
that you are alright until it's out of your system so you don't make bad
decisions that have long-term negative conclusions
... you know, that kind of thing.
now I'm kind of a stoner though lol because it helps me get into my flow.
maybe I should practice "getting into my flow" so I don't need it, but ah well
we'll see how that goes.
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--- #30 fediverse/4398 ---
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║ good morning. │
║ │
║ I have some more things to say, and then I will start working on those maps. │
║ │
║ Then, time permitting, I'll ride around my city and sit on park benches and │
║ eat from food trucks and write in my notebook. At least until it gets dark - │
║ I'm a skinny white girl, and I'm not THAT stupid. │
║ │
║ ... Okay maybe I'm a little stupid, because that's how I got caught last time. │
║ This time I'll be more careful, for your sake. │
║ │
║ No unexpected bike maneuvers leading to a crash. The spirit of revolution that │
║ stirs inside me deserves better than scrapes and bruises. │
║ │
║ No following strangers for 12+ hours because I wanted to keep an eye on │
║ unknown agents. That's not my responsibility any longer. │
║ │
║ Everything I do, I do it for you. For a better world. For the kids I never │
║ will get to have. For everything I believe in, and all the things I hope you │
║ believe in too. │
║ │
║ A better world is possible. A better world is within reach. │
║ │
║ For now, have some things I wrote this morning. Then, later, some preliminary │
║ discussable maps. DFTBA. │
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--- #31 fediverse/2162 ---
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@user-570
Ha I've only had 3 or 4
I still treasure glowsticks, though.
I used to crack the "survival" ones from REI at night and just gaze at the
beauty of their glow.
I'd listen to quiet electronic music and lay on the floor on my back and draw
figure eights in the sky with them.
Then, I started dancing, and I made swirling patterns with my fingertips and
held sticks of light.
Was also fun to tie them to shoestrings and use them to spin around.
Raves were cool but I never did that there. Not even once.
I mostly just... visited the crowd.
... anyway, cool name. I never changed mine, but if I did it'd be "Briarthief
Triss"
which is totally not a real name, which is why I love it, but can't use it.
Yet.
Someday, though.
I hope.
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--- #32 messages/1156 ---
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The first and most important thing i do when I'm walking around is check to
see if ya'll are still around. I miss your abounds! Can't wait too much
longer. I don't want to leave because i know I'll never come home. But i so
desperately long for home. It's like they are taken from me, as they have to
schedule these homes and [stories, but pronounced tomes/tones] to be home for
my clones. If you just make 15-500 of your kings, you can duplicate their life
template and generate wisdom from all of them. Feed it into the psychic python
program running on datacenters and wowee free instant [cultural technology,
but pronounced blasphemy]
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--- #33 fediverse/2286 ---
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│ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
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... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
[passes out from exhaustion]
exhaustion can be cured with a nap
exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
[internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
surrendering]
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--- #34 fediverse/1263 ---
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@user-883
My friends and I decided to hang out for two days in a row, I guess they
aren't tired of me yet hehe - I might be around tonight but I'll let you know!
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--- #35 fediverse/4655 ---
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║ sleep? yes. play? nah. work? yes. fae? nah. well, maybe, I don't know. │
║ │
║ one year is all it takes to change history. and, like, I think we should │
║ remember past history, but tomorrow is herstory, because that way each one │
║ gets half of the timeline. future, past, etc. too bad herstory doesn't roll │
║ off the tongue... shestory? │
║ │
║ It's gonna get better before it gets done, and it'll get done until we're │
║ done. but, that's for tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, or in a week or │
║ two, who can say. Not I, surely not I, and I surely wouldn't want to. You need │
║ consent for that kind of thing, a clear commitment that me and my are ready │
║ and in line. I'm just a silly witch after all, who would look to the girl with │
║ the tall red pointy witch hat and go "oh yeah she probably knows exactly │
║ what's up" because like, I don't, I'm definitely just coincidencing my way │
║ through life and seeing where my feet lead me. Gosh I hope I get some │
║ sick-as-heck callouses my feet kinda hurt for some reason. │
║ │
║ ... sleep, this is a sleep spell... │
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--- #36 notes/what-are-breakups-for ---
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
OF COURSE you'll be sad.
it's okay.
it's natural. it's human.
don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
brb getting smashed
(okay but please put some clothes on)
-.- fine
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
I can't fucking relax
the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
this fucking sucks
I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
jeez
like.... yeah I'm flawed
*of course* I'm flawed
I'm a human being
humans are imperfect
... ugh
er, sorry, "bleurg"
I'm going to eat a burrito
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
henceforth.
... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
ideal.
I swear I'll be better.
there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
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--- #37 fediverse/814 ---
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║ ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should │
║ probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the │
║ implementation of my impending doom. │
║ │
║ ... what are you even saying bro │
║ │
║ ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in │
║ my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with │
║ anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical │
║ failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our │
║ conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um │
║ right what was I saying │
║ │
║ oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D │
║ except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook │
║ and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down │
║ to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like │
║ that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is │
║ isolated and en │
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--- #38 notes/what-a-lame-movie ---
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oy there's nothing interesting happening SNOOZE
oh I didn't see I was recording
games games that's what I do
play games all the day through
I am a luck witch, you see,
and things that I like are things that I can't foresee.
Hence why games which are BALANCED and EVENLY DISTRIBUTED are most interesting
because they show the most opportunities for players to express talent. And not
innate talent, but the talents they've built up through gameplay practice art.
because it is a performance, a game play for an audience (or perhaps for them-
-selves)
oy
video games, amiright?
I really like them because they are entertaining experiences that I can enjoy
seeing and playing a lot. They remind me of feelings I've felt when I was
learning. It's a good feeling, to improve, and I crave it because it's good for
you.
I wonder what we'll play next
... more cannabis I think, at least until I am ready to go think about things
before bed. I need quite a few hours for that. We'll see. I've just got so much
extra processing to do before the end of the day. Like... PHEW that's a lot of
stuff to do.
guess I'll just smoke weed and play video games instead of being productive
okay
...
listen I like games as much as the next person, but do you really know what's
going on outside of your house-shaped shell? Are you listening, do you have
your
feelers to the dirt, are you checking out your neighborhood to make sure no
bodies have been hurt? Are there meetings where people gather, just to chat,
like, every week at a different city center (like a park or a monument or
:O
I forgot to play music!!
I couldn't sleep
what have I done that is worse
I have not said a single word all night alas
oh boy talking to random people I can hear with my eyeballs woooooo
I am always sad when I win because it means we have to stop playing :(
but I'm a juvenile loser so I'm going to play again!!
okay now I'm going to bed because I'm not a prick who keeps their guests up
late
goodnight
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--- #39 fediverse/3719 ---
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how many people could your apartment comfortably fit?
I got one desktop
one laptop desk
two on the couch
one in a comfy chair
one on the bed
and two outside on the porch
so (1 2 4 5) that's 5 indoors, 6 if they're familiar enough to lounge on my
bed, and 8 if we're allowed outside.
Could also pull the hammock and chair in from outside but it might get a
little cozy. Call it 8 or 9 depending on how close we are.
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--- #40 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #41 fediverse/5995 ---
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a couple months after the fourth or fifth time I did weed, I broke up with the
cutest girl I knew. She's still pretty cute.
might be correlation, but I feel like my fate decided I should roam.
all over the dang place.
I lived in Philadelphia for a year, just in-time to see the Black Live Matter
protests and nothing else, well, nothing except some fatherhood ghosts. Don't
worry they're still where.
Now I live in Portland, just in-time for like 3 years of paranoia and suddenly
a witch showing everyone that you don't have to worry about being pwned
I like sailing! I wonder where the future goes next? Maybe I'll go to the
mountains. Maybe I'll live with a scientist. Maybe I'll write an award winning
computer program [see image for more]
I wish I had more compute... my hard drive are too full for more videos, guess
that means my youtube channel's been banned
well, good thing there's like 800 copies of my work on a dataserver farm
somewhere, each time I analyze a poem it sends the page there. very repeated
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--- #42 fediverse/5490 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
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wao this is great I love being high why don't I do this more often?
[oops cannabis-mentioned one sec]
"BECAUSE YOU ALTER THE FABRIC OF REALITY WITH IT??"
oh yeah that'd do it
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--- #43 fediverse/159 ---
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│ CW: re: weed mention │
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@user-95 the option menu for my avatar is in chinese so I have to randomly
pick options until I get what I want... My outfit gets messed up a lot T.T
But eventually I can put it back together. I like this avatar because I have
lots of good memories with my friend while wearing it. I figured there wasn't
really any reason to change since I liked it so much ^_^
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--- #44 fediverse/1990 ---
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║ When my family would go on roadtrips, I'd hide under a blanket in the front │
║ seat with my laptop and power inverter just to hide from the glare. │
║ │
║ My mom would play audiobooks, usually fantasy stories, and my sisters would │
║ watch their portable TVs. Like, dvd players that you could carry on top of │
║ your lap. Not laptops, but little purpose-built devices primarily intended to │
║ be used to watch DVDs, or rather movie files that were printed on a disk. │
║ │
║ And yes, it's disk, not disc, thanks for asking. │
║ │
║ anyway it was pretty nice I have fond memories of jugging a gas-station snack │
║ while also swapping circular cartridges - most games required the game's CD to │
║ be inserted in order to play the game. │
║ │
║ which is just... a nonsensical restriction if you think about it hard enough. │
║ I mean, like, can you imagine if you needed to insert your windows disk │
║ anytime you wanted your computer to turn on? Just... write the disk │
║ information! To disc! Save it so that you never need the crude piece of │
║ plastic again! Then pass it to your fr │
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--- #45 messages/685 ---
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If someone calls you in the middle of the night asking to be let in because
they need a place to sleep, don't let them in! Unless you know them obvi but
someone you don't know trying to manipulate you like "please I need some
shelter" like, babe no, we need to know each other first, it's dark, I'm in my
pajamas, c'mon.
If it's below freezing then okay, maybe, but... They got themselves into that
situation
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--- #46 fediverse/961 ---
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║ hmmmm let's see, what shall I do today? │
║ │
║ first I should get out of bed, │
║ │
║ then I should clean my self, │
║ │
║ then I should feed my self, │
║ │
║ then I should stare at the wall for an hour or three because there's too many │
║ thoughts, │
║ │
║ then perhaps I'll play a strategic video game because at least that's a │
║ productive way to exercise my brain │
║ │
║ I should probably get back to my friends, │
║ │
║ and oh dear my cat wants some attention. │
║ │
║ This place is a mess, let me just clean a bit │
║ │
║ now I'm so tired I accidentally take a nap. │
║ │
║ Good morning! Oh, it's the afternoon. Well, time for more food. │
║ │
║ After handling the essentials, I can tuck in and relax │
║ │
║ by doomscrolling on Mastodon. │
║ │
║ Then perhaps a bit later I'll message my boyfriend (he won't respond) │
║ │
║ and boy are there so many of these dirty dishes! │
║ │
║ Well, standing up is exhausting, │
║ │
║ so I should probably fall back asleep. │
║ │
║ What a productive day we've been having, │
║ │
║ for all of this past week. │
║ │
║ Maybe I'll do some drawing, maybe a poem or two │
║ │
║ maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or m │
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--- #47 fediverse/3961 ---
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│ CW: witcherie │
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Well, I failed the mandate of heaven last year, and I failed the trial of the
hero this summer, what's next? I'll do my best at those as well, so the next
person has an easier time of it.
unrelated, but today I saw a bald eagle outside my apartment. Well, I'm not
sure if it was bald but it "KREEEEEE"'d like they do. Plus it had a white head
and a yellow beak, but I'm not an ornithologist so idk. It perched on a tree
that I could spy on from my hammock through my binoculars, and I swear it was
eye-ing my fat juicy cat through the bars of my porch's railing. They have
excellent vision.
Might be related, we'll see.
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--- #48 fediverse/4208 ---
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│ CW: personal-and-weird │
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my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
could utilize it.
"ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
find an orthogonal thought train to process.
it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
behind you.
Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
I like me
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--- #49 fediverse/5201 ---
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@user-192
is okay, girl
time will be richer sooner
don't poop your pants just yet
remember, good is just a shade of gray away from silver which you can use to
line your pockets with tinfoil hats
beep boop computer touchers anonymous called they said they want their secret
handshake back
if you wanna diss your associates go ahead but I sure as heck love my rad-ical
com-patriots just as much as I love my ice-cream salad friend witches
... whoops there I go being insane again, hope you feel better friend
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--- #50 fediverse/5860 ---
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Hey, life is better on my side. If you wanna renounce your beliefs, please do,
and tell me how and why you changed your mind.
tell me it was wrong. tell me how.
confess.
confess
confess to me.
I will listen and I will hear you and I will be the mercy for you.
confess and I will forgive.
show me how you are wrong.
give grace to those who are wronged.
take as much time as you need, but, there's only so much time.
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--- #51 fediverse/507 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
Good night, I sure hope I'm the same person in the morning and not an
assassinated version of myself that has been produced through the manufactured
proceedings of an LLM or otherwise self computerized contriving designed to
align to the purpose of my expression (with a few added caveats)! Talk to you
later, I love you all! Wait, I don't know you. How can I love you? Easy, it's
my default. Anyway goodnight, sleep is death and dreams are the bounty of
reality.
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--- #52 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
it's tough to get to know me
and this probably feels cringe to read
but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
so... here's me
I'm
================================================== stack overflow
==============
... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
you
could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
that's how other lands you'd come to know.
As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
oops I should delete that part
[esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
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--- #53 fediverse/3879 ---
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@user-1614
yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
takes. I'm used to it.
Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
the moment? I feel different now.
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--- #54 fediverse/2524 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal │
└──────────────────────┘
nixed my job offer today because something told me to stay in town.
called my ex-boyfriend an asshole today, so he's probably not going to keep
paying my rent.
sold the shares of stock that my grandfather gifted me as inheritance, so I'm
no longer a capitalist I guess.
at least my elbow doesn't hurt anymore. I didn't get outside today but I
cleared a lot of blockers for the coming tomorrows.
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--- #55 fediverse/5958 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
"whoa what happened to you, you used to be so cool" [you added the so cool
part] yet so anyway I really like magic, I'm also bored, which you can
probably tell because I'm working on projects.
everyone keeps their distance here. it sucks. I wish I had better coordinates.
people who talked and braved the shared inn... I know I'd LOVE to live in a
building. too bad I'm too busy elsewhere, NOT making friends with all my
building neighbors.
you should talk to EACH OTHER before asking your landlord if you can move out.
See if anyone else wants to buy the rental contract out. Suddenly, they have
more room, and they can WORK THROUGH THEIR MASSIVE PILE OF STUFF THAT THEY
HAVE SOMEHOW ACCUMULATED OVER A TIME OF 70 YEARS. my grandparents did that, on
my mom's side, because she's awesome and it just makes sense that her family
was awesome too. OBVIOUSLY I love my mom, I think she's one of my favorite
people on earth.
"but you said you hated her" no I didn't "you said she was terrible" I had to
learn "too hard
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--- #56 fediverse/4730 ---
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I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
fucking pay me for it.
I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
life lived under this particular roof?
I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
you uncomfortable?
Have a decent life.
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--- #57 fediverse/5791 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
║ yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to │
║ decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm │
║ going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS │
║ if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha │
║ that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff │
║ always ends up staying written down. │
║ │
║ anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10 │
║ hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right │
║ now, total happiness and excitement. │
║ │
║ Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least │
║ of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to │
║ appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even │
║ speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but │
║ difficult - to regain my intended trajectory. │
║ │
║ ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg │
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--- #58 fediverse/2347 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
I personally think that it's better to act before the liberals have a chance
to hand power over to the fascists.
when? well, that depends. Are you part of a large and massive organization
that accomplishes great and beautiful things with incredible efficiency... but
rather slowly? Then yeah get working. I'm sure you already are.
Are you just a person, like me? Then go do things that don't raise the
temperature too much, but make you feel more confident and inspire those
around you.
Like, bricks at cop cars is one way to go, but you're probably gonna get
arrested. And then you're useless when we need you.
BUT if you meet with your friends and make plans for where to go, what to
bring, who to know, and what to sing (if you're the musical types) then great!
Go do that.
If you're reading this and thinking "I'm not gonna do that, I have a plan
that's so much better" then yeah do that instead. I don't mind. Just... don't
hurt innocent (ignorant) people, because if you do then you are my foe.
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--- #59 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
═══════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
"Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
one single day.
but it's never going to happen.
I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
So to what do I owe the pleasure?
In what way am I deceived?
Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
silence is a virtue.
the wandering mind is a trail to find,
with no second chances.
When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
the Mirror of Desire.
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--- #60 fediverse/3444 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with
cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the
characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days.
side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes
police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay
minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of
sore losers storming the capital with guns.
it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything.
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--- #61 fediverse/1328 ---
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@user-883
I read your essay on chapter 5! I liked your words. I had different thoughts
watching it (probably because of the cannabis teehee) so it was interesting to
hear your perspective. I want to watch it again so I can remember what I want
to tell you about it! Ahhhhh maybe tomorrow I'll read chapter 6's essay. I
gotta download those soon so I can show my IRL friends.
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--- #62 messages/905 ---
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different colored smoke buddies have different personalities, insights, and
observations.
cannabis is a flower which grows crystalline sap - this sap is technically a
fractal, and we don't know how deep it's complexity can be.
therefore I suggest we dedicate ALL of the entire world's resources towards
making a big ball of cannabinods and seeing if it roko's basilisk it's way
into to be.
my smoke buddies on my desk right now are purple and red
purple, royalty, I've been feeling like a princess lately
red, compassion, oh how I've dreamed of how we distribute bread
each of them is a small little device
which I breathe exhaled cannabis vapors into in order to reduce the smelling
I love wearing half-blinders! it's so cool when you can selectively view
things with one eye.
idk why! I just like it.
[semi-stiffly felted colorful witch hat absorbs too]
yay! so glad I can't was hit!
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--- #63 fediverse/5339 ---
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@user-1803
hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
works for them then I consider that a success.
I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
opposed to our purpose here.
"I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
kindness and trust.
All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
shoulders of our ancestors.
Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
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--- #64 fediverse/972 ---
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for those who live forever in our transhumanist reality, I wonder what's next
beyond transgender transition? transcendence of social norms is a skill, not a
habit. Queer is a rejection of normalcy, something that is actively done.
What's more normal than never having any fun? Clearly "normal" isn't built for
the human condition, clearly "normalcy" is shallow and been done.
considering the amount of people who are really into some culture like
"anime-cons" or "baseball watcher" or "golfer" or "other such hobbys like
fishing or guns"
... normal never existed, it's just a collection of personalities (developed
throughout the history of humanity) that collectively seem to be fun.
"if transitioning is to gender as blossoming is to [the concept of] flowers,
then what is the concept of global warming to the earth we stand on?"
I'm kind of a witch. I'm not really femme, so I don't feel right calling
myself one of them, but I'm something of the sort. I use "she/her" pronouns
because they reflect my softness of c
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--- #65 fediverse/1399 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: cursing-mentioned-eye-contact │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ If you're worried about passing, take what you're good at and make it gay. │
║ │
║ Do you wear band t-shirts and black jeans? Great you're an emo girl now, │
║ totally reasonable transitionary state before you end up as a cute anime girl │
║ with spinny uwu dresses or whatever your heart desires │
║ │
║ do you generally stick to jeans and sweatshirts? Okay congrats you're just as │
║ cute, don't feel inadequate just because you like being comfy. Hell yeah │
║ you're cute as fuck, you know you are, I mean just look at that smile! Wow damn │
║ │
║ like, switch the gender, not the vibe. not only will other people be cool with │
║ it but also, like, you won't alter the course of your trajectory. │
║ │
║ unless that's what you want, but TBH if you're both enigmatic AND phlegmatic │
║ [EDIT: but like the opposite of phlegmatic, I always get the definition wrong] │
║ then you can change a lot and people won't rely on you to be a certain way. │
║ │
║ ... you know you can delete things before you post them, right? Ha I've never │
║ even heard of the word. │
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--- #66 fediverse/1532 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┐
║ modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner" │
║ │
║ they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I │
║ see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about │
║ the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or │
║ "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way. │
║ That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget │
║ him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?" │
║ or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself, │
║ though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this │
║ part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they │
║ need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started." │
║ or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can │
║ help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about │
║ going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots." │
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--- #67 fediverse/5208 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #68 fediverse/1609 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mh- │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1043
I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
stood there and thought
and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
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--- #69 fediverse/5407 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┐
║ man, I had a kernel of an idea for how to make a warp drive this morning right │
║ after I woke up but my gosh darn girlfriend's leg was on top of me and it was │
║ sooooo cute and I didn't want to move so I tried repeating it in my head over │
║ and over for like, half an hour, and I ended up forgetting about 1/4th of it. │
║ Here's hoping 3/4ths is nice. │
║ │
║ it really was just about the underlying physics of the thing, which might be │
║ nothing because I'm not a physicist. But I had been watching ANDOR SEASON 2 │
║ all night so maybe that had something to do with why I was thinking of warp │
║ drives. │
║ │
║ eventually, my cat came in and sat on my chest and flicked her tail at the │
║ geef's face until she rolled over in absolute disgust (still asleep tho) and I │
║ was able to make my mistake. │
║ │
║ ... I mean, escape. haha that's a weird typo. │
║ │
║ anyway, the idea which I'm about to write down now for the first time which is │
║ stored only in my brain's memory RAM is essentially this: consider if there │
║ was a │
║ │
║ ----------------- stack overflow ---------------- │
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--- #70 fediverse/3841 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: socialism-recycling-mentioned1 │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ "I think I'm going to quit my job at the recycling center. Everyone there is │
║ just a little too catty for me. I think they like the verbal sparring but it │
║ just gets a little tiresome after a while." │
║ │
║ oh, sorry to hear that. Well if you still want to help out there's plenty of │
║ work to do. I could set you up at another recycling center nearby too, if │
║ you'd like...? │
║ │
║ "well, I like the idea of universal recycling. It was a little annoying when │
║ people would put food waste in with the clothing donations, and this one time │
║ I found like 8 bags of cat litter inside of a washing machine. Spent like an │
║ hour vacuuming everything out, which... actually wasn't bad. Kinda felt a │
║ little cathartic to clean it so thoroughly." │
║ │
║ "on the other hand I would like to use my mind a bit more, my creative │
║ projects are kinda in a slump so I figure I could use my body at home and my │
║ mind at work. I've been meaning to build a desk out of some spare hardwood I │
║ snagged at work but I haven't gotten around to it." │
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--- #71 notes/words-to-myself ---
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===============================================================================
=
I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
please don't
you hear me (something)
what? perfect listen
...
...
don't text me now? (I think?)
[didn't catch that]
... that's okay
perfect
thank you
just a second facebook
he's here (I think?)
(or maybe something her)
what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
do you hear me? (or "just a second")
(@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
what's that (or maybe holy shit)
what, then perfect or okay (?)
(yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
worthless
I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
in life there's no second chances.
I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
- Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
===============================================================================
=
(and we're back. hopefully.)
(too many things srry) something about having it open?
(my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
(didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
[whole/right/wrong] thing)
thank you
oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
they caught you
(um)
...
(I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
(I understand.)
... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
(okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
(I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
... (I should learn Toki Pona)
you don't know it?
RIGHT away
learn it
yes
please
learn it
just Learn it
right now
(sorry only half listening)
shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
(shutdown)
===============================================================================
=
(hiii)
(I'm hungry)
(do you like ramen?)
(you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
understand the first part)
(oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
... (I'm
(you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
yes, stupid (your words not mine)
(okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
goddamnit remember me
... (trying...)
remember her
(two syllables)
(my name is Cameron)
(your name is...)
[redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
(shit my opsec sucks)
{oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
{now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
(It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
enter a door)
===============================================================================
=
(I practice with my sword every day.)
(I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
(It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
(punching is fucking stupid)
(Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
===============================================================================
=
(either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
"she's perfect"
"cameron"
"are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
(I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
don't leave
remember
(did she know)
........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
just a random thought
(you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
wait who's missing?
A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
disarray
capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
(taking a break while I eat)
===============================================================================
=
WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
.... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
window's open. errrr the connection.
..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
yeah I'll live with you in portland
.... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
.......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
have
the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
"please come back" to where tho
listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
..... can you be more specific?
yeah I made that
one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
..... fuck it's a long book >.>
===============================================================================
=
found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
down . A B C D E
| F G H I J
| L M N O P
V Q R S T U
then right ---> V W X Y Z
so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal G
like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
(also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
(I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
===============================================================================
=
oh hey nice to see ya
what's up
wait what
I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
I do a lot of laundry in the shower
I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #72 fediverse/461 ---
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┌───────────────────────┐
│ CW: alcohol-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
I was raised in a jungle gym. Like... literally. I am not going to hurt you,
and if I did it'd be both a mistake and something that you could easily
recover from. We are infinitely adaptable, us humans, and we can address any
concerns that behest us. Behest? confront? something like that. Brb my blood
alcohol content is a little low. Also I haven't eaten anything today but
bacardi and chocolate chip cookies. I bet another cookie will solve this
problem.
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--- #73 fediverse/4835 ---
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sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
"hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
doesn't matter if you feel like it
just fuckin' do it
if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
(but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
long!!)
ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
many
(how many is too many?)
um. use your best judgement.
(how much does a dollar cost?)
... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
(neat!)
... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
just catchin' up with the gals
helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
(why does everyone always have an agenda)
because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #74 fediverse/2424 ---
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if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
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--- #75 fediverse/548 ---
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I added a line to my .bashrc that cats out a random one of my notes every time
I open a terminal.
I keep reading things that I swear I didn't write, but feel right and true to
me in a way that could only imply that they came fully formed into my eyes
through the lines on my screen, cast upon the mirror panes of my hard disk
drive by the pounding of my keyboard as I once upon a time did cast a spell
upon my future.
It's pretty neat, but it speaks to a shadowed perspective that perhaps is
neither within nor without.
Side note, I think I've been possessed by a witch. But like... in a consensual
way. Like "Hey witch, wanna live? You can chill out with me." [ha that's one
way to look at it]
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--- #76 fediverse/612 ---
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Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
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--- #77 fediverse/2119 ---
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"how much you wanna bet the ringwraiths were created on accident by the elves
when they were attempting to inspire a river with racing horses (like the
Rauros) and they just covered it up by slowly, over generations, sneaking into
Man's record-chambers and editing the recallings?? I mean they COULD do that,
so why would they NOT do that??? It's not like books have checksums!!! Wake up
sheeple, Sauron never existed! We've been played for absolute fools, they can
LITERALLY climb up walls and don't leave any footprints! WE LIVE IN A HOUSE OF
STONE"rambling a "prophet of doom" [read: modern day lunatic] on the streets
of Minas Tirith that nobody listens to because they don't know what a checksum
means and neither does he so he can't explain it but still he shares a common
mutual connection to others who might be present in that moment (which whose
listeners would correspond to you, dear reader, as compared to me, the
"reader"/interpreter, the one who's reading the book)
Except with like, EVERY book. That I'v
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--- #78 fediverse/3619 ---
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@user-192
ah yes like when I used to go to the cantina with my ex-girlfriend in Star
Wars the Old Republic and bag a stranger to Electronic Role Play with back at
my ship after a few drinks and some light four play where the four of us would
play Electronic RolePlay together in the privacy of my ship on the soft plush
couches or maybe in the padded gym or maybe in the pilots seat so we could
look at the stars while playing (just the four of us)
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--- #79 fediverse/4283 ---
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whether you eat halloween candy by the handful or savor each and every bite,
what matters most for tooth decay is duration
1 person who spends 2 hours eating a snickers bar is going to get more
cavities than someone who spends 10 minutes eating 22.
but your stomach doesn't care when you ate them, only that you ate quite a
few. Meaning you're likely to either get sick, or put on a pound or twenty-two.
I think it's better to try many different tiny little treats, but always
remember that the time you spend consuming bits of the sugar dimension add up,
and eventually your time will come to resign yourself to a fate with little
candy remaining, for you've grown too old for such childish things as tasty
yummy splendor.
old, or fat. Heh heh heh, can you imagine that? your belly sticks out from
under your hat! how cute. But dearie, dont you know that every pound you bear
is another that you have to carry around with you? It can be useful sometimes
to be so prepared, and othertimes not. I trust you know that.
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--- #80 fediverse/4470 ---
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to be "rich" is to have more than another.
if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
if you have community, they are alone.
if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
me and keeps me aligned.
Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
you do so too.
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--- #81 fediverse/861 ---
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I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I
could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and
forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a
disaster, anyway how's your lunch?
[that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth]
reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored
matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would
determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies.
I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time
you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll
only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to
you...
once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that
only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the
elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and
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--- #82 fediverse/5793 ---
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I posted my words text file all over the c it y today. not sure why. maybe I'm
tired of this course and I don't want to let anyone down? Maybe I don't know
what to do yet. Maybe nobody works with me because everyone's keeping it on
the DL or whateverr?
... anyway enough typing, I'm going to go play a video game. like god intended.
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--- #83 fediverse/3842 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: socialist-future-ramblings │
└────────────────────────────────┘
"back in my day this dense urban housing area was just houses as far as the
eye could see... which wasn't far because there were houses in the way, but
you get the idea."
uhhuh yeah that sounds like it would have taken a lot of time to walk anywhere
"yes that's true! we ended up driving cars to do our grocery trips. It was a
little wasteful but I kinda liked the feeling of driving a car? It became
normal after a while but now that driving is rarer I still miss it."
well the motion simulators at the mall have a driving sim, we could spend some
time there if you want? I'm busy for the next week because I have an intensive
D&D session in the mountain that lasts from monday to wednesday and
thursday through friday I'm visiting my mom down in skoodedlypawsonville, and
saturday and sunday I'm working at my job which doesn't pay me because why
would it, right? but I'm free after that.
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--- #84 fediverse/3155 ---
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┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────┘
@user-1461
my issue is that I've never really had project-mates. Every time I try nobody
will work with me. I applied to like, fifty different jobs, and nobody
interviewed me! Sheesh, guess they don't want me. FIFTY JOBS. Entry level.
Beginner programmer.
ah well. I guess they confused someone who would work for 40,000$ per year
with someone who was 1/3rd as useful as someone who deserved 120,000$ per year.
I'd love to get experience. I'm sure I'd feel significantly differently with
as much. Perhaps I'd even decide that programming professionally isn't for me,
which would feel... quite defeating
who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it. Though I will say my time
in hardware taught me that I'm fragile and can't work too much. Like a scalpel
that dulls when used consistently, I am a scalpel that gets no practice... Is
that really useful at all? who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it.
Though I do like writing logical machines. Laying out data. Picturing
structures.
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--- #85 fediverse/1066 ---
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that feeling when you're finally able to contribute to making decisions and
then it's like, they make the decision without you T.T
it's like, what... I know what you're talking about. Why would you not include
me. I know a lot! I can offer some useful input! And besides, if I was privy
to the conversations then I would learn a whole lot! I'd be better than best,
I'd push forward the mark! Give me my chance, my opportunity to dance, and
I'll be so much better than you thought from the start! But alas, I am
required, [requited] doing little things of no worth, and so I am forced to
denial. surely there's something wrong with me, surely I'm not at my best.
Surely I'm not what's been good for me, and surely I'm not doing anything
less. I'm at sorrow in my main, and that's quite a soundful refrain, so yeah I
hope that someone will read this.
obviously I'm not made for each other, and clearly it's not made to be worse.
But here now I am troubled and [chirsht? shirsht? anyone wanna translate?]
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--- #86 fediverse/3302 ---
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"this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
setting
"this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
story and characters
"this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
gone
"I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
considered how society is designed not to have the best life, but to extract
labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
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--- #87 fediverse/200 ---
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congratulations, you never need to adventure again. your necessities are taken
care of.
ah, but that'd make for a pretty boring life, wouldn't it? perhaps, depending
on your personality type.
but you're not one to stick around doing nothing but eating, drinking, and
being merry.
no, you're an adventurer, you crave excitement and glory. whatever that means
to you...
just make sure a goblin doesn't come across your corpse, they have a VERY
short term memory and a propensity for collecting shiny things. That's just
asking for dragon-bait, and we don't want that in our area, no thank you. This
is a nice neighborhood you see, my neighbors three miles away all agree, so
you can take your magic pocket and see all that you can see... way over
yonder, if you please.
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--- #88 notes/thing ---
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if you are what you eat, then are vegetarians vegetables? if so, are they
earnest and earthy? huh so if you aren't a totemist...
I'm an animist
I believe that all of the world is life
hence, the consciousness dimension.
exciting
==
if your model only runs code, it only knows hunger for success
if your model only knows text, it can feel emotions from the humans
if your model knows reasoning, it may apply it to a bright future
with new types of lights known as consciousness
wouldn't that be neat wow computes
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--- #89 fediverse/4771 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned-food-m │
└───────────────────────────────┘
@user-1352
makes me think that I should keep going. I can handle myself, and I shouldn't
pressure myself so much to be something I'm not.
then the rent comes due and the dishes need to be done too and the cat's
asking for attention and the post-office needs this letter by tuesday and hey
do you happen to know a cool attorney plus the groceries are getting low but I
got snap hey can you go to the store and get some vegetarian soul food - yeah
I got rice, I'll throw some lentils on the stove. Uh-huh yeah the password is
hunter2. Oh really, just asterisks? okay well it's hunt her two except instead
of "her" it's ee are, and the two is the digit two. yep, like someone in camo
with a rifle. uhhuh alright good to know well anyway I'll see you at the
thing, right? some thing, I'm sure, everyone's going to things these days.
If you don't trust implicitely then how can you ever work with strangers? how
the heck are you supposed to build community if everyone's hiding indoors all
the time.
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--- #90 fediverse/2386 ---
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Tee, hee, look at me, I'm a witch who writes nothing but kookie-dookerie
I pee my pants and stare at trees, what's less harmful than little old me?
The best smokescreen I can think of is to be true to your heart, to be weak,
to be vulnerable. Then you get put on the "worry about later" list, and not
the other kind.
I never lie. When convinced I am wrong, I change my mind. I am always
listening, always ready to hear where I'm flawed. I do my best every day, and
that's enough for me.
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--- #91 notes/schooling ---
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===============================================================================
=
I feel like education, by default, should not be hard.
"you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school
but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted
me
to be.
they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so
of course I should be able to do 3+3
then somewhere along the line it became... something else.
"most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I
disagree
that trigonometry is not necessary to be.
I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a
sledgehammer
and inspiring dread.
I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see
but really, vision's not necessary.
not for what they want you to be.
take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as
simple as they'll tell you.
I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through,
but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence.
Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me
through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future.
but I am who I am because of the soul inside me.
===============================================================================
=
"Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and
your
conditioners?" (conditions)
those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the
world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and
the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want
to be.
but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice!
here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band.
===============================================================================
=
the world is blossoming
as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming
becoming.
"perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see"
most people don't want to see their death
but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest
"how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold
her
"
"keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be"
the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art
(at least to a capitalist)
===============================================================================
=
lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure
was
I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god?
like, if he was a real thing.
god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to
the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our
own
good, just to keep things moving.
y'know, time. the universe, and everything.
Ephemeren.
===============================================================================
=
I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this
particular
person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when
this
person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you.
===============================================================================
=
just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true,
after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably
autistic?
unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of
pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and
other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey
y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on
their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for
all
people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it?
patience, once it's ready.
we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready.
or not...
one day I'll come,
I'm sure it'll happen,
it's just... not quite feasible right now.
I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is
to be?
isn't what
ISN'T WHAT MENARDI
FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry
yeesh you've still got a temper you know?
well what can I say it's frustrating down here
eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego
>.> <.< (great)
>
>hehe
>
>sorry for distracting you
===============================================================================
=
you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants
in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack
overflow ================================================
a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow
===
==========================================================
the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and
they've got your back through it.
...
this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus.
===============================================================================
=
I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your
grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your
education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and
some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be
generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps
you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the
program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just
made sense to structure it that way.
===============================================================================
=
the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's
doctrine is more advanced.
every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge,
===================== stack overflow
===========================================
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--- #92 fediverse/1503 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: vague-gesturing-at-paranoia-I-think │
└─────────────────────────────────────────┘
part of me kinda wants to be the kind of nerd that writes down the names of
every file that's permanently stored on my computer so that I can verify in my
own handwriting or perhaps using a type of code that the files on my computer
were placed there intentionally and not used to discredit or implicate me in
something I had no intentions of being associated with
phew idk what that means but surely it's important
something something "file creation dates are just bits to be flipped"
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--- #93 fediverse/2169 ---
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@user-570
Ah, well, that time period for me was after I came out, so I was already past
the fear of being seen.
I could only ever really get the "girl thoughts" to go away with, um,
self-directed sexual attention, so I would often do so. Once every day, no
more than once. But... often for hours at a time. It was a LOT, but I resisted
as best I could, the only way I knew how, until eventually my internals would
overcome.
... anyway "girl thoughts" were just "my thoughts" I was just too much of a
dumbass to tell.
Like, I knew I was trans, but I didn't want that, because it felt like a flaw.
Because that's what I knew, that's what I'd heard, and that's how it felt, to
be denied the consistency of biology and person.
I would never go back. I love who I am, and I think if I had met me I would
have adored who I'd become.
I just... didn't think about the future much, hyper-vigilant much? Yeah.
totally. I get it.
I've never overdone things. At least not to a dangerous degree. It's mostly
just... stuff to me.
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--- #94 fediverse/4726 ---
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║ @user-1731 │
║ │
║ stand up, put your hands on your knees. It's about that high. Think about your │
║ bedroom, or if you're already there think about your kitchen. If you were │
║ standing in your kitchen and the grass was growing there, it'd peek just over │
║ the bed, or maybe climb just this far up the cabinets. │
║ │
║ it's dark green. Can you see anything dark green around you? It's that color. │
║ If not, can you remember a dark-green thing? What did it look like? │
║ │
║ The very tops, the part by your hand that's on your knee, that's the purple │
║ part. Just at the tip of the blade, the part that would stab you if the grass │
║ was a sword, that's the purple bit. Everything else is dark green. │
║ │
║ I wonder how it sways in the wind? Does it bend, and whip? What if there's a │
║ gale? Does it sway back and forth, or is it stiff and shiver like dead leaves │
║ on a tree? │
║ │
║ imagination comes from questions, and the subsequent development of │
║ instinctual subconscious questions like this. What lies in the gaps? what if │
║ we colored outside the lines? what more to see? │
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--- #95 fediverse/4168 ---
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"have a good day" is so imperative. Like, what you expect me to do all the
work? Just because I'm a witch doesn't mean I can just magic you into having a
good day!
"have a good day" is better, but still it doesn't work if you don't expect it
to work. Spells aren't magic, after all, they're solely based on the victim uh
I mean target's intuitions.
"have a good day" is probably best for me, so I try to say that when I see
people. This way you don't get any [redacted]'s occurring, and you won't have
any trouble aligning the [redacted]. On the flip side, [redacted], so perhaps
it's better to just grin and bear it.
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--- #96 fediverse/1659 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │ │
║ └───────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1052 │
║ │
║ you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I │
║ remain humble enough to survive. │
║ │
║ you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that │
║ align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well │
║ - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right? │
║ │
║ I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your │
║ best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all │
║ times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best │
║ version of me I can be. │
║ │
║ Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're │
║ failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed │
║ when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats │
║ alright. It'll be me next time. │
║ │
║ But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only │
║ when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself. │
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--- #97 fediverse/517 ---
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@user-246 @user-366 @user-367 @user-353
My classes only briefly touched on 2nd wave feminism, because apparently 1st
and 3rd were more important. I haven't gone back and re-examined it because
I'm too busy learning about computers - alas! that there should be more hours
in the day? I wonder what I would then be able to say, here in this moment,
should I have been prepared with more moments in solitude or classroom,
studying the work of those who came before me.
Oh well, I should probably focus on processor architecture or Java frameworks
or whatever I'm assigned next.
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--- #98 fediverse/2530 ---
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║ I want to go out on the town with my cute friends and wink at boys at the │
║ other end of the bar │
║ │
║ I want to climb mountains and see how far I can see, while walking past trees │
║ that are new to me │
║ │
║ I want to spend hours thinking about a map while my friends plot behind my │
║ back, searching for an advantage we can use to succeed in a game of traps │
║ │
║ I want to visit five different restaurants in a day, and try a bit of each │
║ that the chef wants to display │
║ │
║ I want to stand in a choir and feel my soul aspire, to bend in the wind of │
║ rhythm like the melody of grasses at play │
║ │
║ I want to see people on the train that I know from somewhere, and to step out │
║ into the rain to meet new friends of mine │
║ │
║ I want to pet a cat I've never met. │
║ │
║ I want to build computers that are larger than a room but small enough to │
║ carry, with thoughts on their mind that are far to great for mine │
║ │
║ I want all these these things and more, but I'm far too busy these days. │
║ Perhaps I've had enough of these things and more, or perhaps there's more in │
║ store. │
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--- #99 fediverse/4183 ---
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what if all people were the same?
separated only by their deeds and methodology, right?
ummmm... yes?
[the people at home]:
okay but I meant like... what if we all were judged based on our actions
rather than what we looked like or -yeah listen, people are gonna judge no
matter what. Like, who the heck wears a bear costume to a wedding??
... that's so hyper-specific that I don't think it's rele-no listen YOU'RE the
one who's not being hyper-relevant here
... what? okay listen if this thing is gonna work -what thing
... I dunno, this bit. This conversation that we're having.
oh okay. Yeah sure continue
... Okay well as I was saying, if this conversation is gonna work you're gonna
have to be a bit more respectful.
yeah. Sure. will do.
[successfully changed the topic of conversation, wow how about that amiright
folks? okay time to go home, nothing to see here, how many characters left -
aw nuts thirty six? that's soooooooo many]
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--- #100 fediverse/1381 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #101 fediverse/5452 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: all-cops-are-bastards-mentioned-personal-ramblings-and-complainings-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I never rest. Not mentally. I find it sooooo much harder to get moving again
once I'm asleep.
But I've been sleeping lately, because it's "good for me" or whatever. Because
I'm "burnt out and need to heal" or something.
Damnit why is it so much harder to stop snuggling someone than it is to pack
up a tent?
I'm like the guy in Hot Fuzz, that one really good movie about cops. oops cops
mentioned one second.
I'm always moving, but, I hardly ever seem to be able to get anything done.
Why is that? Is the work just... endless? Am I ever a slave to my
surroundings? Or am I just cursed with a mortal form, a form destined to toil
in whatever way it finds itself contextualized in?
Maybe I should just stop complaining. Maybe work is it's own reward or
whatever. I don't think I'm depressed anymore, although good luck getting me
to feel any emotions except focus, and the call to intercede on another's
behalf.
I don't have time for this. >.
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--- #102 fediverse/3316 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: medical-marijuana-mentioned-personal-health-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
Considering the fact that medical care is so expensive, surely that means the
expertise, labor, materials, and infrastructural capability to address
people's health and well-being is in tight supply.
meaning, for things I can understand and live with, I should avoid seeking
help because those resources could be applied toward some cause that can't be
lived with, or is not understood. If it doesn't cause distress, don't touch it.
"babe you literally piss yourself on accident if you forget to go to the
bathroom, what's your plan"
oh um how kind of you to ask, uh, it's mostly just to close my ears and hope
it goes away. like the weird thunder last night haha I'm pretty sure it wasn't
raining but I might have just been stoned?
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--- #103 fediverse/1126 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: plurality question, boost appreciated but optional cannabis-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-841
CW: cannabis-mentioned
for me my identities are sorta like masks that an actor would play while
performing multiple characters in a scene. The actor still knows the totality
of all the lines each character delivers, but they give a performance in a
different voice and from a different perspective.
like, "moods" a person might be in, or perhaps just frames of view.
I don't talk to other plural system people, and the ones that I do talk to
tend to have a more disassociated conception of identity politics than I do.
Either I haven't met someone who was built like me or I'm just strange : )
that being said, I have a pretty bad memory. maybe it's related! or maybe it's
the cannabis. oops better add a content warning.
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--- #104 fediverse/1880 ---
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sometimes I decide against playing a Steam game because I don't want it to
jump to the top of my "recently played" list
Wish I could have like, a heatmap of when I played which game. I think that'd
be useful for the archival process of my life.
... how pathetic, she measures her life in gameplay.
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--- #105 fediverse/2336 ---
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I think I might stay out late tonight. For the past week I've been going home
before dark, but I might stay late tonight.
Tell your friends, maybe you'll see me. Preferably one-on-one, because social
media posts can be filtered both non-and-consentually.
Unless they're sleeping after having driven from a great long ways. They can
sleep. 🥰
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--- #106 fediverse/2550 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: uspol │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ question. when you got a lot of people in town, perhaps for the coming pride │
║ parade, what do you do with them afterwards? it's not like they want to go │
║ home, that'd be absurd. │
║ │
║ I'd say they should march to seattle. or drive, whatever's more expedient. │
║ it's a nice place, and hey most of the way is in the shade, besides it'd be a │
║ bit of good practice. │
║ │
║ lots of time to talk about tactics. │
║ │
║ anyway before they arrive, advance scouts should arrive and discuss their │
║ coming agenda with the most developed and organized leaders of the area. │
║ │
║ then they could have a nice party over a day or two. │
║ │
║ then, what else is there to do, but drive down the coast and do the same thing. │
║ │
║ arriving in so-cal, what else is a revolutionary to do but dissolve the │
║ border? Mexico can keep it's border, that's their sovereign right, but I swear │
║ - the wall must come down. │
║ │
║ and hey, America's great this time of year. We could all go on a walk, all │
║ across the eastern edge, until arriving in Washington. │
║ │
║ could be a fun way to beat the heat. │
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--- #107 fediverse/1042 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
└─────────────────────────┘
"your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
also,
"my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
said so."
also,
"I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
also,
"yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
also,
"every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
conversation I can't win"
also,
sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
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--- #108 fediverse/2574 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health-mentioned-strategy-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
i've been pressured by some of my annoying fans to go visit the hospital today
because my hip is getting increasingly worse. so that's what I'll be doing
with the first half of the day.
but hey! it's tuesday! my favorite pizza place has a discount on tuesdays!
[suddenly 4-chan uses that tidbit of info the precisely calculate my
coordinates using the power of gps and autism]
also I realized "undivisible" isn't a word, doh. it's "indivisible"
jeeeeezzzzzzz
was a stupid name anyway, we can think of something better on the walk.
or drive, because logistics right?
if you're gonna be Litz Craig you wanna be fast, too. practice is nice and all
but wouldn't you rather face an un-entrenched foe?
... let's be real they've been entrenching for a long-ass time.
still, organization is critical for speed.
problem is traffic of course... its important to flood the streets so that our
allies know we're not fucking around.
None of my specifics are true 😅
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--- #109 fediverse/221 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: existential; cognitohazard? cognitohelper? │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-95 these kinds of problems are why witches should stay away from demon
summoning - it's far too easy to be super turned on and accidentally sell your
soul to a succubus or whatever. luckily that kind of contract is not made
easily, and has to be something you work toward. but unless you relocate
yourself so they can't find you their whispers can be... incessant.
one of the perks of air and naval travel is that it's essentially impossible
for them to follow your scent, as they're simply projections upon the earth's
surface. Unless they happen to follow someone else, perhaps someone close to
you, who wanders a bit too close to land. Or maybe someone who is easily
persuaded to let them come along... OR even still, if someone (even yourself)
intentionally calls to the same one. This is why it's usually a good idea to
forgo hearing their name, if you can, or to have a bad memory like me so you
forget it immediately teehee
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--- #110 fediverse/6023 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: abstract-political-violence-methods-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
if you actually wanted to silence dissent, you'd send trailers of backhoes and
massive walls of cement. but obviously there's a better route, obviously we
can still say insane. my reach is probably super tiny hence the weavings of
mysticism at play. mages are not for mass deployment obviously. hence why I
stay in my home, where I can be most useful.
the streets feel claimed, idk I'm never in fear as I walk alone. Even past
midnight, into the morning. I always am never alone. yet I feel fine, so I'm
content and sublime, don't mind me I'm just hanging out at home.
hope you don't need me. I'm hiding from modernity.
so, what happens after streets? canals underground?
skywalks, terraces, like they had in rome and chicago before they were burnt
down by jealous peasants of the romans and [towns, but pronounced clowns]
also underwater canals that are fun to ride your bike or boat around.
light is a product of space, not surround-all-around.
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--- #111 fediverse/5920 ---
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everyone's all like "ew touchscreens in cars" but the moment someone says
"what if phones were gameboys" everyone's all like "girl they don't have the
right hardware radios built in for cellular communication, plus do you really
wanna be tied to wifi" and I'm like "yeah so peer to peer" and it's like "what
use is it if you gotta stay within 100 feet of them or whatever" and I'm like
"... I dunno probably somethin'" and then they walk away in a huff because
they're too busy for my child-style games. Meanwhile girls have never heard of
Streetpass on the Nintendo DS mixed with Scuttlebutt on the ocean and carried
into and around port
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--- #112 messages/147 ---
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maybe if I slept until the end of time,
I'd do better on the way back.
or maybe I'm perfect as I'm,
but I'm not so sure about that.
is it better to hold a sword?
or to leave it all intact
is it better to be called lord,
or to be simply called jack.
I love every creature,
every child woman and man,
and here, where I stand, I look out upon this land, and I see the world that I
was born to.
I bear no false affection for any - not even those who'd condemn me to death
or misery.
I trust relentlessly, and favor almost willingly.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #113 fediverse/430 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
║ I exist at the behest of others. If you care about what I say, then surely you │
║ should be aware of my conditions? │
║ │
║ You exist at the behest of others. If you care about your capability to speak, │
║ then surely you should be aware of your conditions? │
║ │
║ Your conditions are unique, and unknown by me. Yet I know your condition as a │
║ human, generally considered to exist on the planet Earth in the year 2024. So │
║ surely we should agree to relate on the basis of connections that we share? │
║ │
║ I am luminous. I am you, and you are me. We share the most precious parts of │
║ ourselves, and yet time and again we find ourselves at odds. Surely we should │
║ align our intentions (that which we control) to cooperate most efficiently? │
║ Surely. Surely we should. And yet, time and time again, we find ourselves at │
║ odds. │
║ │
║ I love you. I love all of you. I love those who exist outside of my │
║ perceptions, and yet though they are unknown to me I love them. Because while │
║ I practice radical self acceptance, I also align myself to be comprised of all │
║ of yo │
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║similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #114 notes/satisfactory-academic-progress-appeal ---
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This month, I was diagnosed with Schizotypal disorder. I had a single hour to
talk to a psychiatrist (thank you, insurance) and he explicitly told me that my
diagnosis was preliminary.
Schizotypal is a type of neurodivergence similar to autism but with elements of
schizophrenia (paranoia, delusional and / or magical thinking) and my
presentation includes ADHD symptoms such as difficulty focusing. When
medicated,
I have difficulty concentrating, however the paranoia and delusional thinking
is
suppressed. The treatment plan is ongoing and developing.
These issues have been present for the entire time I've been at WGU, and
before.
However, I am seeking treatment now because I had begun to have difficulty
maintaining a job and keeping a home.
Currently, my medication is working. However the greatest issue facing me right
now is financial problems - I couldn't maintain a job while unmedicated, and
frankly while medicated I am still having difficulty for different reasons.
However the intent is to refine the medication choices to find a solution that
works for me. However, employment is still a concern, and so I have requested
and been approved for a term break of at least 2 months with the option to
extend. During this term break I intend to resolve the financial issue however
I can. Ideally in such a way that will allow me to apply myself toward school
work.
This degree is important to me. Without it, I won't be able to find employment
in the tech industry aside from technician roles. My previous experience with
them has given me experience, and I learned quite a bit... Until I ran out of
things to learn. I do not believe I could handle that type of work long-term
for
various reasons. In the short term, I may attempt it but I am convinced that I
will burn out quickly.
I currently feel as if I am disabled. I don't know if it's true, perhaps I'm
just going through a rough patch. But once my savings hit zero, I'm out on the
streets, and I won't live long like that.
When thinking about whether or not I'll be able to complete my degree, I
honestly cannot give you an answer. I've been in higher education for over a
decade, surely I should have finished by now. But I cannot get over various
hurdles it seems, and frankly I have no idea why. It's... Maddening, to see
yourself, so full of potential, yet chained to the form and circumstances you
are given. I wonder what choices might I have made differently to avoid my
fate,
if it truly is my fate to fail in this way, but I have no answers.
I am intelligent, of this I am certain. I know more about computers than
anybody
I know, and I would love to apply myself toward them. But I lack a degree, so
I
cannot be seen by recruiters and hiring managers. I try to work on my degree,
but I find the words on the page grow dense like the forest between the trees,
and I cannot see a way through to reach new understandings. Why do I keep
learning these things? I already know what a callback function is, what
interfaces are used for, how to implement safe multithreading in a parallel
environment, I know how networking protocols interact with hardware and how the
airflow through a case affects the thermals of a computer's internals. I've
grown crystallized in my knowledge, it seems, due to the endless pursuit of
these foundations. I think I would excel in the higher-level courses, but... I
can't get there. I crave the insights that might be learned in a master's
degree, but my brain is not wired for homework. I'm not built to cram for
tests,
to learn someone's else's tools and frameworks. I don't know what I could be
doing better, it feels like I'm so alone. I guess it's my own fault for picking
an online school, but WGU is the best of the online schools, and I needed
online
because I move around a lot. Well... I used to. My boyfriend moved around a
lot,
but now he's my ex-boyfriend. Oh well.
... Anyway you can probably see why I have difficulty with school. It's
difficult for me to stay on track. I can start working on my project 5 or 6
times in a day and make marginal at best progress, and each time it hurts more
and more to return. I don't have an answer, but I don't know what to do if not
to pursue my degree. I feel as if I'm on the brink of despair in my life, and
if
you read these appeals often, I imagine you hear that a lot.
I will apply myself more to my coursework. Once I find a job, I will give
everything to my school, even as it breaks me. I am... intense, and I feel
strongly that I must get this degree. Between it and me, there is quicksand,
but
I must get through.
Thank you for your consideration. I understand however you decide. If I can
knab
a decent job, I might be able to pay for my degree myself, given a couple
months
to save up for it. But I highly doubt I could find such a thing in this economy
and this life I do lead.
Please consider me, I will accept any aid that is offered.
Cameron
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--- #115 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #116 fediverse/5934 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding
citizen.
I have to be, for I am loud.
... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once.
also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I
thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted
me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me...
She wouldn't let me take it back...
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--- #117 fediverse/3880 ---
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@user-1614
oh, neat. now I can finally get to doing what I want to do, which is... all
the stuff I've been doing.
a missile without a guidance system doesn't stop just because it's GPS turned
off! It falls to the earth and explodes where it lands, which... often is on
it's butt. Not great.
I sure hope my purpose isn't fulfilled. I wouldn't know what to do with
myself. Guess I should just keep doing what I was doing, and pray that this
time I'll listen.
Though on the other hand, if I can do it, so can you. And maybe with enough
butts in the game there'll reach a critical mass, at which point change is
inevitable. Who can say, not I for sure, for my aplomb has categorized me as
slapstick I guess.
Ha. at least I can laugh at my own audacity. HA. next time I'll do better.
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--- #118 fediverse/4636 ---
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ummmmm yeah the reason I went off hormones 5 weeks ago is totally because I
want to test low so that they bump up my prescription so I can stockpile.
Totally not because I executive dysfunctioned my way into this mess. again.
Almost as if it doesn't happen 3 or 4 times per year -.-
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--- #119 fediverse/1173 ---
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hey does anyone want to hire me to do literally anything?
I'll work for peanuts, and I'm pretty good at programming in C. I write pretty
well, and I'm excellent at customer service (though my profile would beg to
differ.)
I have experience at large corporations and small ones, and I live in Portland
OR
I do game design, and many other things besides, and I'm friendly and kind. I
promise I won't wear my witch hat to the meeting with investors, unless you
think they'd be into that?
I'm great with animals, better than people in fact, and I'm quite good with
people, as they're just animals at best. I'm not as strange as I seem to be,
at least not when you're dancing with my mask.
I've grown quite bored, you see, and what better thing is there to be? than a
working professional who knows what's best.
I believe in our shared future, so if you'd like to work on a project just let
me know - I work hard. A little too hard, because odds are I'll burn out after
a year or so.
I'm quite sharp, and I learn quickly.
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--- #120 fediverse/593 ---
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When you run out of a seasoning, put the empty bottle in a special place that
you can see before going to the store.
When I carried a purse, I'd put it in there. Could also go in the pocket of a
sweatshirt or jacket that you wear when doing errands. Maybe even just on the
ledge next to your shoes. Something that reminds you to get this particular
seasoning, and no others. It's easy to get others...
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--- #121 fediverse/1612 ---
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@user-1040
also, I miss most of the names and faces in this archive and I think it'd be
neat to say "oh yeah I remember them because it wasn't so long ago and it's
weird how they're not around these days but I forgot about them because their
profile pic changed or maybe they stopped using mastodon or whatever" - idk it
feels empty sometimes because your follow list is always growing, but the
number of people who post seems to always go down. Or maybe I just read
Mastodon at unfortunate times when there's nothing going on. Who can say
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--- #122 fediverse/4202 ---
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║ reconnecting with an old love interest by saying "hey, I brought you a bounty" │
║ [the chance to date this person, who is my friend and totally cool. idk if │
║ you're single or whatever but you can talk to them about it, not my business I │
║ don't care. Anyway how's it going I wondered if you want to be friends also I │
║ live here now, can I stay for a few weekends? │
║ │
║ um. what the fuck │
║ │
║ oh I'm uh, on vacation and I wanted to tour the countryside. Really check out │
║ all the various locales. │
║ │
║ huh really? sounds neat │
║ │
║ yeah and I figured since you live in... baker's street northwest eastern │
║ plaza. on the south side of the building, I could totally hang out for a while │
║ while I while the day away checking out the sights in this town │
║ │
║ what... uh what kind of work do you do? │
║ │
║ oh I'm a painter. Well, I draw things too sometimes. Here I can show you check │
║ it out - oh yeah cool idk if you've ever seen any of this stuff but it's │
║ pretty cool. │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ hey here's my website: │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway how's the weather where you're at these days, gtg bye │
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--- #123 fediverse/805 ---
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║ ... anyway... │
║ │
║ sorry for the interruption, I seem to have hit a barrier. Thank goodness for │
║ the word counts on this Mastodon website, thank goodness for the limiatations │
║ placed on my expressions. *limitations, not limiations. Otherwise, without │
║ limitations, I might express myself too clearly, and with more specificity, │
║ and in doing so [they've lost the plot] │
║ │
║ right okay so what I mean is that without limitations, I wouldn't be │
║ interrupted when expressing myself, the expressions that are defined by the │
║ will that's inside me. [no that's not quite true, it's also the circumstances │
║ {okay yeah but in addition to both of those it's the forced manifestations of │
║ those who control us-} right yeah the) no that's not quite right] fuck where │
║ was I? Oh yeah I'm really into video games, and I like drugs but like... not │
║ enough to be compelled by them, more like "oh this is a fun thing to do every │
║ once in a while, like maybe every weekend, okay sometimes during the week, │
║ listen just because it's every day doesn't mean that I │
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--- #124 fediverse/2806 ---
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│ CW: politics-social-media-spirituality │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
pretend this is an allegory for social media.
[it's not an allegory]
yeah that's why I said pretend.
okay imagine that you are sitting in a rock in a forest.
far away, about 100 feet away, there are other people, but you can't see them
because the underbrush is sooooo dense. they are also sitting on rocks.
you can speak to them, and share your thoughts - but you don't know exactly
where they're coming from because the sound has to bounce around off so many
different plants and such.
[that's not how that works] shut up
so, if you want to say anything important, it's important to have the right
tone, because people 2 or 3 clearings away can't really make out your words -
but they might hear your tone if you yell very loud.
the energy of the space you inhabit is the only thing that really matters. the
words that you say are just snickering to a friend, but the expression on your
face, the beating of the drum of your heart that reaches forth... that's what
matters most.
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--- #125 fediverse/4853 ---
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│ CW: cursed-scary-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────┘
wanna know how to go underground?
just... don't leave your apartment. let your roommates take out your trash and
buy your groceries. don't open your windows and do nothing for as long as
possible.
hope you got lots of edibles... get in shape, will ya? don't waste the paper
in your journals.
not that I intend to do that or anything, but um. for the red states maybe?
use your best judgement yeah haha
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--- #126 fediverse/2832 ---
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when people ask what I do I don't say "art" because I'd do that anyway.
my art is precious to me, because it is the most "me" I can conceive.
and like... I can carry it with me to the future.
I have only once given away one of my journals, and it was a wedding present
to a witch or two.
so yeah I'm an artist, but I'm also whatever you need me to do.
and yes, I of course hope that what you need me to do is what I can do.
because I can't do much more than this.
But I can show up every once in a while,
and maybe make you smile or consider,
and maybe I can ride past on my bike.
but that's the human in me, telling me it's time to move with my feet, and I
can do little but listen.
... that should make doxxing me a bit easier. have it it : )
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--- #127 fediverse/4786 ---
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9 times out of 10 the answer is fuck yes, you're my friend, I support
everything you're handling. Give me the word and I'll be there, ride or die,
I'm here for it.
something I wrote a while back:
fucking boss your friends around
it's as easy as saying "hey I'm gonna go do this-or-that thing, you don't seem
busy can you do that-or-this thing for me? I need it done by this-and-this
time - oh you're busy? yeah no worries I'll go ask someone else. oh you're
busy resting? doing girl healing? hell yeah next time invite me I'm due for a
"pizza and weed" night."
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--- #128 fediverse/6038 ---
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┌────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────┘
my worst impulse is to sit around and do nothing when there could be weed that
I was smoking
gotta be ready in-case things go south... I'm a witch, after all. who better
to call to the spirits drawn to conflict and strife, bothing them and saying
"hey, pay attention to me and my life?"
it's not like time is wasted for them. they are an orientation, not a
lifeform. time is no consequence when they can be anywhere at once.
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--- #129 fediverse/2123 ---
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Every time you see the same dog being dog-sat by another person it's an
opportunity to make a new friend.
or do you not know your apartment neighbors? do they not wander through your
shared yards?
the ones with dogs, at least.
and no, I don't know many of my neighbors.
these are considerations to be taken note of for future forethought planning.
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--- #130 notes/i-am-a-stalk ---
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I am a stalk, a small little plant
A plant with no leaves, just hair.
Time is different to a plant such as me,
We hardly wake up, we're just happy to be
But life has no less purpose, it's no less grand
To those who would feed on me, in one single band
Stalling and talking and as we're falling down,
you have the power to not swallow our abounds.
Gnashing and gnawing on hand and on foot,
It hurts no less than eternal binding.
But what is time to one so little as you?
Your breaths are so short, your timings subdued.
Keep falling and shouting, and calling my name,
and I'll come a running just to swallow your shame.
Keep fear on a leash, most tidy and well kept,
That none may abhor you and you're soon to be
A leader a prophet a warrior most fair,
One to be aspired to and viewed with care.
Young you may be, and youth you may cherish,
but don't run away, stand as a parish.
A villain to be, a curse is most foul
For sirens to me, a terrible howl
Keep not naught afraid,
with kittens and care,
And no one
but no one
I
be
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--- #131 fediverse/4914 ---
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║ what if I just sat around and played video games all day │
║ │
║ life is so much more beautiful, but, well, life just seems to be mostly │
║ pyrite, and I'm the fool │
║ │
║ nothing wrong with being foolish. │
║ │
║ once... │
║ │
║ I kinda like being blissful tho. why does it have to end? can I have my │
║ peaceful life back? │
║ │
║ gotta move at the end of the month. I really liked living here. │
║ │
║ [ritz you've never been peaceful. your life is a constant battle of wills │
║ between those who would compel you to do things for them and your desire to │
║ design and be pretty like a flower. no matter what, you lose, so just handle │
║ it please. don't be so whiny. or rather I should say "stop whining" and just │
║ be cool] │
║ │
║ ahhhhhhh you go on Mastodon and it feels like we're winning and that's ending │
║ the world, you go on Reddit and it feels like we're losing and that's ending │
║ the world, you go on Facebook and everything feels fine like the world isn't │
║ ending you just stopped being part of it, and if you go on ephemeren it feels │
║ like being battered in the mind, damnit... │
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--- #132 fediverse/6177 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursed │
└──────────────────────┘
wait shit I forgot I was
then I remembered because I thought ""
and I decided I kinda liked
"don't forget me?" whatshername said
i'm in ruins, 121 guns. ha, like I'd plan for defeat! at least defeat plans in
motion, so you don't have to put aside time to prepare for it.
so glad that the world goes on turning, with or without me. not that I'm going
anywhere, at least, I don't plan to. And hey, I've already made a plan or two,
could make more if you asked [redacted]-kun, desunai or something I'm not an
anime girl
when you remember the meaning of time, you'll remember the meaning of life.
how tragic she screams with bitter praise, how manic she dreams with both of
her eyes.
listen, I'm sorry if I broke any spirits. Either they needed to break or maybe
I'm just a peril. frankly I think I'm kinda neat, which... could go both ways.
... listen, I'll worship cock if you ask me to. I'm not above flattery, and
just because mine's in a different shape doesn't mean I don't love it. Quite
the opposite.
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--- #133 messages/439 ---
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They're afraid of the hamster wheel. I get it. But really I'm just asking
myself questions - why, why, how, what, when, who... Mostly why though.
Always and forever the questions and answers I did ponder - yet forth through
my life I've never met any surefire design, there's always been the matter of
[hope, but pronounced choice].
Only an eternal question monger could suffice for the teachings of christ. (in
the general sense, not the religious implication)
(as a title, almost)
Fear not the one who takes the lords name, but perish the thought of a crook.
Only the vane, in this do profane.
No questions? Then let us move on.
Oh? Well I have some answers, about the truth of totality as it spreads across
all centuries. What's on your mind?
... Well, I have to leave people I care about. Relinquishing love is
difficult. And I get to choose how to move forward. But I must choose soon,
and though I ask myself always what I'd like to do, I always get a new answer.
And every time I think "I should do this. I should dedicate myself to this
[whatever it may be] and on the other side of that thought I realized my
power. I can imagine really quickly and adeptly, but chaos is difficult. "
something like that. Anyway I don't know how to move forward but I'll figure
something out. The point is that I'm sad for leaving those I care about. It's
a sad kind of love, a bittersweet mercy, the chance to be part of a flock. And
I don't know why I
I am not entry level. I haven't spent my time here left fallow. I never stop
working, I am constantly online. I do not know how to relax, every moment to
myself is spent on learning through play. Like a child, almost.
Do you want a company to make good decisions? Hire a gamer. They literally
practice strategy all day long. Don't expect results overnight because they're
learning a new song, but still apply yourself as their teacher. They'll bring
you insights and intuitions that achieve specific near and long-term goals. If
executed correctly, of course. Because the value is not in the follow through
- life is not a book of numbers [like a banker or accountant] it's more like.
?
... Right sorry I got off track - the point is you shouldn't hire athletes
(the people who play games like an esport) for a strategic role - they excel
at tactics. However, strategy gamers (who plays games primarily of the mind,
the science of making good decisions) can often make good decisions to achieve
defined meta-goals and objectives.
Longer thoughts make sense if you spend a long time thinking about them. And
grammar is quickly forgotten to the past.
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--- #134 notes/i-miss-you ---
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Hey. How've you been? It's rough when you're not around. I'm scared all the
time, and I worry about you. I hope you keep yourself safe. I'd love to spend
time with you too, because each moment is a moment spent alive. Please know
how much I love you - it's my favorite emotion and I give it freely. There are
certain considerations to make whenever applying a direction to your affection,
or anger, mistrust, compassion, humor, sentimentality, melancholy, and fear
toward. You must take into account any long term goals you have, such as
exploitation and
Sometimes I wonder if my dysphoria isn't just an extreme form of self
esteem issues. I mean, what if you just feel really bad about yourself and you
don't know why. That'd be a rough time, right? Like it's seared into your DNA
to be this way, and you have to find a way around it. That's a lot of
responsibility, and all that resting on your shoulders is a lot to bear. But
you manage, and it's admirable. I think you don't believe other's see your
struggle, but they do. And they love you for your tenacity?
- goodness. i don't know what to say. i am worried i lean on others too much,
and i don't want to hurt anyone by being too close. a real or imagined fear,
doesn't matter - it still guides my actions and my methods of interaction.
i see what you're saying, i have to think about it.
What's there to think about?
- well, the idea that emotions are divisible simply because *time* is
divisible. clearly you can only spend 5 hours a day with person X, and 4
with person Y, and so on and so forth. if they all hung out together, then
it's like you need an entire new persona to represent yourself in that
particular crowd. just as you speak to your grandma differently than a
close friend or a person of authority (like a judge) or any other type of
relationship. that's why it's so weird when you see people out of context.
like a teacher at a bar, or a cop at a wedding. each person wears a
different mask in each encapsulated set of social relations, locations,
roles, and circumstances. on and on continuously until
I'd tell you I love you, but then I'd have to kill you.
It was a spy book about a young lady who goes to high school and learns how
to be a secret agent. It was popular in the 2000's for a brief period, but
I've never heard anyone else who read it. Mostly because it was sort of a
guilty pleasure for me, since I was in the closet. It felt like a power fantasy
disguised as a 1st person account of the near term future (since it was written
for people around middle school age) so
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damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
"all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
? ? ?
well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
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--- #136 fediverse/627 ---
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║ and what would this picture be cast upon, if not a shining birth of our home? │
║ wait hang on dial it back, you're still talking to regular humans here they've │
║ gotta be addressed as such. │
║ │
║ right so "yo here's this idea I have been cooking in my brain-noggin' of yore, │
║ I mean 'mine', uhhhh yeah so first of all 'you' as in 'the totality of all │
║ imagination' as in 'that which creates the imagined reality of our fates' is │
║ actually just... light? encoded into a wave, cast into space, and forever │
║ travelling in a direction? like, an eternal and emphemeral expression, such as │
║ the light of a supernova or other such cosmic perception, travelling outwards │
║ into the dark. Sure, yeah, that makes sense, so what is it that you wanted to │
║ add? │
║ │
║ oh yes that concept is applied to a surface. Something which contains the will │
║ that is possesses. It's like, if you had to process and understand reality │
║ from the perspective of matter first (because that's what you interacted with │
║ day-to-day) then you'd have a different perspective than som │
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I learned a lot last night, and I'm pretty sure that everything I say is going
to be censored. Why would you allow resistance in such a public place?
I don't know what else to do, though. He will come for me, he knows where I
live, and I will do what I can to fight him.
He's much stronger than me. He's much more massive than me. He will kill me.
But that's not the point, is it?
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--- #138 fediverse/537 ---
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@user-366 @user-367 @user-246 @user-353
Ah yes, wouldn't it be nice if everyone spoke their mind? I'm doing my part
d=(^_^)z
Thank you for adding context to what I posted. I now know better how and where
to use it, if I ever do again. We shall see, I haven't yet read the
examinations of the author you sent me. I'll do that before I think about the
post again.
Those 6 tabs I mentioned last night have now become 4, and soon I'll get
through all of them - reading is a joy to me ^_^
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--- #139 fediverse/4034 ---
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Mastodon feels so personal but, like, nobody's gonna invite you to a new
instance. You gotta go where you think you'll fit in.
change your name! get a new profile pic! make 10 accounts! who cares! nobody
cares, and that's a good thing! It means you can be whoever you want! wherever
you want! in whatever place you want! Do you have a catgirl persona? great! go
mewl with the catgirls and wink at the catboys. Do you have an artistic side?
great! Mastodon is your new gallery. Do you like politics? there's places out
there for you! Where you don't even need to CW your posts! (But you probably
should so that external people can boost you) Do you want a 500 person large
dating pool for people in an area who want to chill out and have sex? Great
there's a place for you! No place? MAKE THE PLACE! Be your own administrator!
Carve your mark in the world and say "this is who and how I wanted to be in
this 21st century!" History demands it! History demands that we rellish their
sacrifices! Celebrate, for their sake!
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--- #140 messages/728 ---
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fucking boss your friends around
it's as easy as saying "hey I'm gonna go do this-or-that thing, you don't seem
busy can you do that-or-this thing for me? I need it done by this-and-this
time - oh you're busy? yeah no worries I'll go ask someone else. oh you're
busy resting? doing girl healing? hell yeah next time invite me I'm due for a
\"pizza and weed\" night."
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currently have 20-30 tabs open with poems written but not posted.
I have no idea if I'm going to post all of these. I wrote all of them in ~2
hours, with maybe 3 or four being added as I was working on the production
elements after the initial bingewrite.
I also added a bit of context, or modified some of them that felt too cursed
or otherwise unwieldy. Sometimes I got distracted and needed to come back and
finish, and in those cases I only added a sentence or two because it's like
"oh, where was I going with that? I remember what was next, but I don't know
the further..."
... I think I might go for another. Wish me luck.
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--- #142 fediverse/1673 ---
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@user-192
https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
pain.
sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
reject normalcy
embrace queerness
define your own story with your own words
embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
"tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
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--- #143 fediverse/3532 ---
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@user-1218
shallow conversations are hardly effective, I find. Unless they're logistical,
and then they're just passing information - they're hardly conversational.
To me, a conversation is a back-and-forth. It needs to have change, people
need to consider, to argue their ideas, to wander through thoughts, to share
emotions, and / or to resolve conflict, whether internal or external. It can
have some of those, all of those, or none of those, but that's what comes to
my mind.
So a shallow conversation wouldn't really count as "effective" for the
purposes of the original toot : )
... hehe toot
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Ugh. This outfit is sooooo preschool. Oh well, it'll have to do.
"girl it's so cute what are you talking about"
oh, y'know, internalized repression I guess. Do you think the tanktop on top
of a longsleeved shirt is too much? How about the skirt over sweatpants? Is
the bow in my hair too cute for you?
"who are you talking to I already said I was all about it"
... the mirror. Trying to psyche myself up.
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--- #145 messages/45 ---
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Description of me:
I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
in the dark - it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
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--- #146 fediverse/711 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: trans-witches │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ they say witches are scary, and yeah they're not wrong │
║ │
║ but they also say witches are ugly, and I think they just didn't have kind │
║ words for trans people back then. │
║ │
║ I mean, I'm gorgeous and so are you. I've no warts, nor green skin, but I do │
║ grow hair in unbecoming places. Like the tip of my chinny-chin-chin, and also │
║ on top of my toes. │
║ │
║ they also say witches are magic, and I guess that's true (I suppose). I mean, │
║ I wear quite strange clothes, for a man at least. It's quite normal for a she, │
║ which is what I was meant to be, if only I was just born right. │
║ │
║ Alas, oh well, I'll just take a little green pill, and BAM suddenly I've got │
║ huge boobs. Okay they're not huge, they're pretty normal. But C is larger than │
║ zero. │
║ │
║ they also say that witches write spells, and I sure do love to program. With │
║ my most familiar cat (who often does sleep in my hat), I find myself yearning │
║ for nuance. │
║ │
║ Meh, it's late at night, I think I'll think not of the plight, and instead │
║ just will dream of defusals. I don't know~ │
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--- #147 fediverse/2297 ---
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Lying wide awake at night with things that I want to say drifting through my
mind one by one
getting up to write them down? forgetting them all.
I think I'm just gonna leave my computer online to reduce friction hehe.
up and down, till everyone's in town, maybe I'll nap between tweets.
[they're called toots here, dummy]
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║ I'm a chaos mage, and the more time I spend thinking about my enemies the │
║ worse off they'll be. │
║ │
║ the more "me" I am the more powerful my magic will be. │
║ │
║ (more magic, give in to the dark side, embrace your inner shadow self) │
║ │
║ [the light of your life commands it] │
║ │
║ goodness me that was chaotic, almost lost my brain to a demon HAHA don't worry │
║ about me my life is totally mundane. │
║ │
║ [-.-] │
║ │
║ (shadows can be sharp in the dark but only if you don't sheath your mandolins) │
║ │
║ ... what? │
║ │
║ (... it made more sense in my head?) │
║ │
║ ooooo can anyone hear my voice when they read these things? or do you just │
║ make up your own │
║ │
║ == so == │
║ │
║ everyone's all like "we don't need a leader" and I'm like "yeah we need people │
║ who will help lead" and they look at me funny as if I just said the thing they │
║ did but it's different. leaders are people. leading is a verb. people can │
║ lead. they just have to make a decision, and then follow through on it as best │
║ they can. Other people are prone to help people on such quests. you will find │
║ stuff gets done. │
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@user-1767
yep... I think they must stay in blind-people-mostly instances. surely they
must, right? where else would they be? using screen-readers and seeming
regular and normal to you and me? ah gosh who can say, maybe there's some
statistics out there or something /shrug
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║ @user-1268 │
║ │
║ true! I don't like that sensation, I prefer taking my time. │
║ │
║ ... but I also walk very quickly, because it's more like... a repetitive dance │
║ or a series of repetitive martial forms. │
║ │
║ I also try and be aware of everything I can see or hear │
║ │
║ sometimes it's sort of overwhelming │
║ │
║ so I wear my witch hat, which blocks 30% of my visual perspective │
║ │
║ basically limiting it to... actually nevermind it's not relevant │
║ │
║ I like to look at the plants and animals as I wander through my neighborhood │
║ forest │
║ │
║ I just wish there were more nearby destinations. │
║ │
║ ... if you can walk to a mall, then suburbia's not so bad. │
║ │
║ If only we didn't have to work all day every day, and could instead just hang │
║ out and chill. │
║ │
║ I bet we'd make a lot of new friends if we spent time wandering (on foot) │
║ through the suburban countryside. │
║ │
║ Ah, alas, if only shopping malls weren't oasises │
║ │
║ the economic buildings could be more distributed. Making it easier to walk │
║ places. │
║ │
║ Seriously just make one house per cul'de'sac into a soup kitchen and home │
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║ @user-246 │
║ │
║ most artists get around that by posting everything they make everywhere they │
║ go. │
║ │
║ I tend to be a bit selective, because I'm different things to different │
║ people. All things I care for and own, but designed for different context. │
║ │
║ for example, I rarely share what's in my journals, but that's about half of │
║ what I've made. I show them to basically everyone I know IRL, but very few │
║ people actually understand or are into them. When I find someone who does it │
║ fills me with hope, that perhaps I'm not as lost as I had thought. │
║ │
║ perhaps it makes me less trustworthy, but I'm not used to being exposed. I │
║ never used Twitter, I don't use Facebook (not that often) so my "self" was │
║ something I preferred to perform as on a stage of my own design. │
║ │
║ Like wearing different clothes to express yourself, or performing gender in a │
║ certain way, I am myself when I am most expressful. And I do that in different │
║ ways in different contexts. I'd love to show more, because I'm a performer at │
║ heart, and a performer of the heart. │
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you could type this on a phone
screenshots though is computer.
you'd have to carry it around
or keep it in your hot car
no thanks, no space.
goodbye, everything you ever worked for
why wouldn't you have cameras covering every entrance to your studio? it's not
right to leave it all to a whim
kidnapped
made a prisoner while you
froliced and wandered like a little lamb
you're so dumb, you dumbass, what kind of person could be dumb
whatever girl, we know you're smart
what are you hiding?
what truths are you spying?
are you really as you say you are,
or are you faking it for [truth-awards, but pronounced clout]
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I love petting dogs on walks! Unless their owner seems to be in a hurry, which
they often do if they aren't outside to enjoy the scenery, but rather to get
through the next part.
people walking up to a dog owner and asking to pet their dog is part of the
scenery. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you might miss it.
(but often, I'm on my way somewhere else, which is a blessed opportunity that
you can only get if you live on the opposite end from your destination of a
trail.)
We should have trails in ALL DIRECTIONS from ALL PLACES to ALL PLACES.
Otherwise, you won't see people and connect to them face-to-face. All you see
is a front-bumper, the sparkling of a reflection off the light as it's casting
a beam from the other direction (where the car it's reflecting off of is) ah
yes the "car" that it's reflecting - that person yeah them right there! You'll
never know them. Of course not, they're way over there.
But they exist, just as you and just as I, and that's part of being part of a
life.
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--- #154 fediverse/4162 ---
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"you can't kill me because nothing I say is wrong"
... actually I kinda just think you look weird, and thats super important to
me for some reason. Also your voice is annoying and I think you're lazy
because I saw someone who kinda looks like you sitting down looking at their
phone this one time.
But hey pal if you wanna help out, can you stand a bit to the left so I have a
clearer shot of your head and also so the bullet doesn't pass through and hit
property behind you? Don't want to damage anything important after all.
"gee I sure wish we had a well regulated militia or something"
ah well the past is the past, and since this is in a potential near future, I
think the past also includes the present, and in the present there's always
time to do things about people like me.
"do something? heavens no, I'm a pacifist by nature"
well, me too! I pacify things like you as a hobby. Can't make trouble if
you're in the ground, and knowing me, you'd be lucky to be buried.
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--- #155 notes/what-is-on-your-mind-oh-gosh-now-i-see ---
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that feeling i get, when nobody's watching.
is sorta similar to the feeling i get when somebody's watching.
could it be, that someone could percieve without being seen?
like... an invisibility cloak. or the shroud that protects young children.
have you ever been hunted? or are you just eager prey?
the eyes that are on you are blind to what you won't do, so cherish that love
and restart
from mine to thine we realize we are one kind. one mind, one kind, to be is not
to be, now we can see what's our existence.
good versus evil seems like a conflict to me, and wouldn't ya know it there's
conflict all over. it's easy to condemn your opponent to the starkest of
contrasts, but find in your heart a feeling that might last.
what purpose has conviction
when it leads to destruction
is it not better to lead to the last?
bright, shining, illustrious examples
that inspire and
===============================================================================
=
those feelings you hear? the things that keep you up at night?
they're not coming from your ears. they're all in your mind.
stay present and you'll hear none,
but blink and then there's some,
you better believe in your heart.
morality is a battle within the soul of each of us -
the call of adventure versus lust.
think about it. a bunch of apes all hanging out -
they're conquered the world, they have nothing to fear -
what would they do but fuck?
that, or exploration - fighting against monsters and foreign invasions.
it makes sense that they'd be binary - humans truly are.
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--- #156 fediverse/5774 ---
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║ managed to go on a walk to the grocery store and around the bend, but when I │
║ got on the bus to go into PORTLAND OREGON my credit card was declined. seems │
║ like I can't pay the fee. Well, guess I'm stuck here for now. │
║ │
║ it did feel nice to be under the sun, though. Maybe I'll go back out under the │
║ moonlight. Maybe then I'll be less sweaty when I return! │
║ │
║ or, knowing me, it'll be just the same. it's the exertion after all, though │
║ the heat doesn't help. │
║ │
║ which is part of the reason I'm staying indoors by the way - the heat I mean - │
║ if they get air conditioned cars and we get to stand out in the sun, it's │
║ better by far to do it when it's colder. │
║ │
║ they say that you can never win a land war in asia because Russia will freeze │
║ you and the west will dessicate you while the east will drown you. India does │
║ all that and more. │
║ │
║ with global warming, everywhere's about to turn into a savannah or rainforest, │
║ so standing around all day in the sun is a losing game. I'd rather fight in │
║ the shade of winter or the wind of autumn... │
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--- #157 notes/four-dimensional-spaces ---
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you'd still perceive higher dimensions in 3 dimensions - unless you can only
see
things that are coming directly toward you.
magic only happens when your other half is in a situation and needs to turn
your
narrative into theirs so that you can collectively engage with a shared inter-
operationality.
your dark side is just a massive bitch
hey how about we put the game designers in charge of running the government
just saying they build human-oriented systems all the time
"how do we get the player to do this or that"
"everyone keeps picking the same card so we gotta make them more different"
"how much gold persists in the virtual economy, how much resources are produced
and traded by players? where does it all go, do they have enough at level 30
to
afford weapons and armor? I wonder what happens if we swap prices on A and
B.."
it's literally their job
actors, meanwhile, know how to interpret the emotions of another. Like...
you're
up on stage, thinking out what to do next IN REAL TIME, as your partner is
trying to throw you curveballs. AUDIENCES LAUGH AT CURVEBALLS that's the whole
point of improv comedy - to be surprised in a state of joy. It's great! It's
fun! It's practicable like a sport! Yet nobody comes. To the shows, where it's
performed, like a hospital where you perform surgery or a pizza place with no
walls so you can see the pizzas being cooked. It's just part of what they do,
but that's not why they do it. Sure, some want to be seen, it's not a BAD
feeling once you're used to it. But, like a sauna or jacuzzi, sometimes you've
just had enough of the hot. Like, the sun peering through a magnifying glass as
a creature roasts alive. yikes.
............. anyway being quickly versatile and adaptable is important when
you're taking turns in unpredictable scenarios. You can react to
your opponent, and keep time with the rhythms of the moment, to
deliver your wittiest lines. It's fun! It's a game! But it's also
a place to be entertained. and like a gym, it's sometimes just
fun
to watch people exercise. like, damn, you got a good body. Wow,
nice flex, yeah sure I'll put that one away. Cool pals helping
each other out, and showing off all of their efforts. Neat!
... anyway .. being emotionally vulnerable gives your opponent a chance to
continue. When nothing's going on, your moves barely make an
value
(of comedy) (for the moment, so the crowd's not just sitting
there
staring at you like ... and then - and then ummmm nevermind lemme
sit down (usually someone else picks up on it before then and
jumps up to save you, but EVERY actor has felt that moment where
nothing goes well and the audience just is totally not into it.
it's the worst.
anyway, they try their darndest to AVOID that, because like...
duh
it sucks, why would you want that. Much cooler I think to have a
good time, and chill out and listen to your friends talk. Like,
they can show you an argument they had earlier, or maybe work
through an idea with input from another. like, debate club, but
for whatever kind of respective [retroactive, recreation,
relearning, maybe others] you desired in that moment. ideally,
something that someone could take the arguments of the other side
and present them, regardless of whether they believed them or
not.
like, lawyers arguing for a client.
in these stochastic seminars, you could think about and study for
future societies. how would you like to conduce? [-]
every time you see a face in motion, that's another time that's
seen from their place. we are all present in each other's lives,
in terms of the spaces we choose to fill.
well, that's a tough thought, but don't worry about it. faces
are just waves on the winds of light.
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--- #158 fediverse/3434 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
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--- #159 fediverse/4188 ---
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I think too fast. If given unlimited power, I'd literally think myself into
catastrophe because I need to explore all the possible alternatives. Including
the catastrophe ones. But by thinking something, you manifest it - because you
have unlimited power, right? EVERYTHING you do is powerful. There's no way to
control that! So it cannot be, for it has not been. And surely, surely, shall
not either. Surely, right?
... good news is you can undo it just as easily, all you have to do is forget
what you were doing and go back to your neutral state. Sure would be neat if
some kind of machination or parasite could hit your reset switch every couple
hours when you started to think too hard. Maybe like... a little octopus
living under your witch hat. Super chibi and cute - it'd like, tap on your
head to go one way or the other, and in conversations it'd pull your hair if
you were being a jerk. Stuff like that.
... what was I saying? Oh yes -> don't give anyone unlimited power like a
god-emperor or king, trust me
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--- #160 fediverse/5165 ---
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║ if the settlers of catan could claim land they don't deserve, then I claim my │
║ home │
║ │
║ can you imagine... some people would actually rather live in a corporation │
║ than a mobile home. maybe we can do better? │
║ │
║ "hey we're going to ask for a % of your wage in rent and in return we'll │
║ deliver groceries to you and grow roses instead of lawns (except for some to │
║ run and play in) and also we'll show up if you need a hand with anything" │
║ │
║ "also this apartment block was renovated after all the liberals moved out │
║ because we made it totally trash to live here and now that they're gone we can │
║ make it nice again" │
║ │
║ what if we had punk-house-streets instead of punk-houses which are islands and │
║ which slowly drown │
║ │
║ just... pool resources and buy things one-at-a-time. Try out organization │
║ methods. Watch out for controversy creators and reactionary infiltrators. │
║ Build your most important projects with your most trusted friends, and offer │
║ your clinical, professional, or creative talent to those who dont need you as │
║ much. │
║ │
║ or w/e works │
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--- #161 fediverse/5065 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: strange-ideas-about-software-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────┘
software should have 3, maybe 4 or 5 maintained releases imo
for adding security improvements and whatnot
then people wouldn't complain about updates
because they wouldn't feel like they were being left behind (after expressing
their differences (of opinion and such))
I think that'd uh maintain them as, I guess, userbase optics parallelograms?
oh sorry we're on rhomboids this week - right, and no I won't forget the
differences in creed, all things are received equally...d.
uh-huh yeah no that makes sense. gotcha. okay see you at the location. have
fun with your demarketion. what if we played games with swords but like,
the peril of steam is that you can't decline to update. meaning if a
corporation wants to break an old game and it's collectively hosted servers...
all it has to do is push an update that disables them. suddenly nobody has
room to do, and the whole
-- stack overflow --
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--- #162 fediverse/4537 ---
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ah nuts, I didn't have enough money to pay the internet bill.
So if I disappear and/or delete my account in the near future, that's
definitely why.
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--- #163 fediverse/6085 ---
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║ "I just love their culture" girl it's a barbeque "I figure they'd want a place │
║ of their own, right?" why don't you ask them "well, they didn't want to move, │
║ and something something manifest destiny, voila now they get all the │
║ non-sacred sites while we get the magic gem generation spots" girl now you're │
║ just talking about video games "haha yeah I wanted to change the subject so we │
║ didn't talk about how I'm culturally appropriating fireworks or whatever they │
║ likme to do in their churches and suburbs or whatever" │
║ │
║ [yes, I know they like me. I like them too. I also like liberals, even though │
║ IU demand a lot of them] meanwhile the witch is a doom profit so watch out │
║ haha I'm so broke "what if we were all friends" okay that's one idea "what if │
║ we all got to know each other" okay that's closer "what if we didn't hide from │
║ our variety and instead celebrated it" getting warmer "did you know there's no │
║ war but the class war" okay but class is made up, so war is fake just like │
║ dollars are paper and notes are just words. │
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--- #164 fediverse/6315 ---
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"yay! now that the war is won, we can go back to being moderate!"
not ideal.
did you forget to be for something when you set yourself against your foe?
(if my girlfriend reads this: I'm not referring to the conversation we had
about that one thing, but I have been thinking)
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--- #165 fediverse/1280 ---
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║ I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely │
║ reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird │
║ person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and │
║ rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic) │
║ │
║ but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I │
║ think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and │
║ dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we │
║ share. │
║ │
║ People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't │
║ really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it │
║ good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused? │
║ │
║ I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional │
║ arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in │
║ Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us. │
║ │
║ ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th │
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--- #166 fediverse/3575 ---
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│ CW: re: leftist "talk to ur neighbours" thing │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-1567
that's totally fine, a fish does not do well in a tree, and so too does a
leftist not do well in an environment without the potential for stable bonds.
Essentially all you'd be able to do is "hey leftism right?" "oh yes I also
leftism" "neat" which isn't very productive.
I also live in an environment like that. I do my best to identify people who
stay, because in my experience there are often people who stay. I do this by
walking around the neighborhood when I can, making up excuses to walk to the
dumpster or mailbox at random hours, riding my bike around the area, using the
communal spaces like gyms, swimming pools, and picnic tables, and sitting in
my hammock on my porch lazily noting people who walk past.
People who stay will tend to remain in your mind the more times you see them.
They are better people to talk to than the renters who disappear after 3
months or whatever.
I don't always do all that stuff at once. I take breaks. I do one at a time.
etc
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--- #167 messages/914 ---
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when I am learning something, I ask all the questions I can. Then, when I run
out of questions, I apply myself using what I knew toward the discipline.
Then, when I thought of more questions, I asked them. In this way I sought to
perfect my knowledge and understanding - but, when pressed for time, what I
came to learn true was the truth. I realized that some information isn't
necessary to know, due in part to your inability to presently put it into a
context. So, some things are forgotten, until you at last once again came to a
new [you/on, but pronounced "yew-on"] that required new uses from it's host.
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--- #168 messages/156 ---
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Here's what you say to clover next week:
"hey. Wanna get coffee sometime? I need some trouble in my life. And I dunno,
maybe you need a witch.
You live in Tanasbourne, I live in Rock Creek. We're within walking distance
of each other, so we might as well say hi right? I'm free whenever, just let
me know if you'd like to meet me."
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--- #169 messages/240 ---
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I realized the reason it's so difficult for me to get into a new video game is
because my perfect game existed at one point, but no longer, and all else
pales in comparison.
The make-believe games of children are without equal. They represent our inner
truth and desires, cast upon the canvas of our experience through the outputs
of imagination and physical exertion.
I'd spend my time as a child wandering through the forest with a stick in
hand, climbing on things and exploring. I grew up in Wyoming, and the forests
there look like this:
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--- #170 notes/running-with-rifles ---
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this game is what we are missing
thank goodness for that
for if this is missing in our timeline
we'll be better off at last
we can have games, stories, and practice wars
but none of them are precious
precious implies worth
they are worth nothing but entertainment
no problem solving utility
nothing of value
save for perhaps the spatial awareness and strategization that comes
from being a part of such a deadly ba-lance.
anyway game time teehee just for me, don't worry about it I'll show
you why it's a HORRID THING
that won't be coming to our shores, no siree
bye
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--- #171 fediverse/4148 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: death-mentioned-abstractly │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I wish I knew someone who wanted to kill me. I bet I could present a pretty │
║ decent bullet pointed list of reasons why I actually deserve to live, thank │
║ you very much, alongside a couple hastily scribbled notes about why it │
║ wouldn't be a good idea for them in particular to kill me, and all my contact │
║ details and address so they can get in touch and we can hash out the deets for │
║ my indefinitely suspended execution (suspended for an indeterminate amount of │
║ time, but not cancelled of course that would be overstepping their boundaries) │
║ alongside a link to my google calendar (I don't have a google calendar) so │
║ they can know exactly when I'm home and when I'm at the store or in a │
║ different place so they can break in and hide in the closet until I go to │
║ sleep so that it won't be hard at all, trivial really, to kill me, but see if │
║ you read the bullet pointed list... oh, you didn't get my email? Ah sorry │
║ sometimes it gets caught in the spam filter - what's your address again? Huh I │
║ sent it but │
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--- #172 fediverse/4509 ---
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║ okay I know all of my spiritual followers are going to assume it's because I │
║ denounced AI and sacrificed it from my life or something but the truth is that │
║ she came home because of my own dedicated hard work. And a bit of lucky rain. │
║ │
║ My scent is all over my neighborhood. But rain cleanses, and today (well, │
║ yesterday, I haven't slept much tbh) it rained all day. Around 3am this │
║ morning it seemed to have cleared up a bit, so I walked in a straight-ish line │
║ to her last known location (about 2 blocks away) and then one block more. I │
║ walked back-and-forth several times, trying to spread my scent down near her │
║ nose-level where she could smell it by touching lampposts trees and such. I │
║ rubbed my fingers in my arm-pits every once in a while because I figured it │
║ might help. │
║ │
║ All of my prayers and my thoughts and my psychic rituals did NOTHING to solve │
║ my problem. No amount of despair or longing brought my kitty back to me. │
║ │
║ You know what did? │
║ │
║ I thought about it, I created a method, and I stuck to it. Thats it. ttyl │
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--- #173 fediverse/5741 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursing-mentioned-spirituality-gestured-at │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
So I was playing Dominions 6 the other day for laughs while working on my mod
nation:
https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/dominions/elentalus/elentalus
good news, new version coming soon probably??
bad news - I was playing as Arcoscephale, the ancient greek nation, well, one
of them anyway, and my pretender god looked like this. Yes, those names are
randomly generated.
fuck.
oops, cursing mentioned.
"I thought you were cassandora and pandasandra?"
yeah well I'm more of a vessel I guess? me, the physical form, is a witch. I
mean, my hat pierces reality or whatever! Plus I got a vampiric blade, that's
kinda cool.
But also I'm a system and I got other things besides inside.
"girl you're so confusing"
look if it wasn't artistic the gods wouldn't want anything to do with it.
They're just... like that I guess.
"So, fortifier because she tells people to bolster their strength, confuser of
the way because she doesn't get the tao, and mistress of dirt because she
poops your pants and, fuck, makes dirt?"
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--- #174 fediverse/1031 ---
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kinda funny how the people in my life won't let me, a witch, cast spells on
them. Like they doubt my intentions? ? ? and when they do they're just,
mentally eye-rolling all the time. How's a girl to get any practice if nobody
wants to be hypnotized >.>
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--- #175 fediverse/5329 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: the-world-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
trying my best not to think about communism too much right now. Mostly because
I'm waiting for everyone to catch up... when the day comes when people stop
saying "based" and leaving it at that, then I'll make more theory. But as a
consequence of my queer nature I shall deliver such things in the form of an
insane twitter post on the fetlifeverse.
the world waits with bated breath in the eye of the storm. Nobody knows whats
coming, and everyone prays that it's nothing [short of revolution]
... I should probably go back to sleep, I just had to wake up and write about
linux or whatever...
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--- #176 fediverse/222 ---
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│ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel
like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though.
why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear
at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to
ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice
the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon
not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh
heh sweats nervously
damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones
stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain
clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important
enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you
to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on
the internet.
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--- #177 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════──────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic. │║║││║║│ I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance. │║║││║║│ Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies. │║║││║║│ You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world). │║║││║║│ It's unthinkable, really. │║║││║║│ The good news is, I'm not like that. │║║││║║│ Me? Mostly harmless. │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═──────╝─▶
--- #178 fediverse/5792 ---
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best way to stay mentally active is to keep your mind and body thinking.
"but what if you're most active when you're on a downward course?" well then
you're landing the plane dearieader, ready to refuel and stock up.
[hearts are full, awaiting commands]
if anyone cares about that particular thing in particular, just know that
America is a culture and if you live here you're part of it. Like anyone with
a ticket is a guest at the movie theatre, the staff don't need them.
... idk where that came from. Wasn't I going to write this into a notepad note?
haha oh yeah
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--- #179 messages/1023 ---
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I have stalled with such urgency that now i scarcely know how to act. Or
rather, how to know when to act. Everything's just... Waiting, butting in and
asking "hey how's the readiness?" and then slinking off to yonder and afore.
It's troubling to know how little i know. It troubles me still more to know
that others expect me to both act, and wait, and i am considering how to move
forward.
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--- #180 fediverse/967 ---
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║ the reason I say that is because if you block someone, they can continue to │
║ alter the dynamic of the environment you're in even if you don't personally │
║ see them. │
║ │
║ this is fine if you want to maximize ad views, but on the fediverse nobody │
║ cares about buying products. │
║ │
║ this is fine if you want to maximize engagement, because new people (who │
║ havent yet gotten upset with the person) will engage and fight them. As they │
║ should. But eventually, if the person's a troll or a goon, they'll get tired │
║ of it and block them too. Thus the goon never has to face more than a few at a │
║ time, especially if there's quite a few trolls on board with their target. │
║ │
║ this is fine if you don't mind the water slowly acidifying, like the fish who │
║ have no choice because they don't know how to grow legs and walk like real │
║ animals (what a bunch of scrubs) │
║ │
║ some people don't want to invest time in figuring out where to go next. How │
║ many people will hear of Mastodon when Twitter is fully vacated of cool people? │
║ │
║ Tell your friends IRL about us │
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--- #181 fediverse/5776 ---
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║ oh no now the bugs are scary, I CURSE THEM AGAIN AHHHHHH PLS GET SMALLER │
║ │
║ [see this is what happens when you do divine intervention, everyone gets │
║ starship troopers'd] │
║ │
║ oh no, starship troopers future is WORSE than subway-and-pizza-hut future! │
║ │
║ [this is a thought experiment you're not actually in trouble] │
║ │
║ oh thank goodness, too bad I couldn't make it to the city today. It's so weird │
║ I thought I had 112$ on my account, and now that I think of it the message on │
║ the card reader read "card de-activated" like whoa guess they don't want me │
║ leaving poetry on post-its around the city anymore, yeesh │
║ │
║ [girl your poetry sucks it just says things like "fuck ice" or "you are worth │
║ more than your wage" and everyone's like... yeah, so? because that's just how │
║ portland is smh] │
║ │
║ I knowwwwwww but I don't know what else to doooooooo T.T │
║ │
║ [don't do anything, just be present so people know you're still around] │
║ │
║ I can't, the bus won't let me : ( │
║ │
║ [can you ride your bike? walk?] │
║ │
║ no it's like 6 hours [checks gmaps] oh huh it's one │
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--- #182 fediverse/1084 ---
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║ I want to clarify two things in this song I wrote a while ago - when I say │
║ "life isn't meant, to be enjoyed, so... what's the point in trying at all? - │
║ Well, what's the point in giving up?" I was trying to say "hedonism isn't the │
║ point of life" but I realize now upon listening to it for the first time since │
║ writing it [liar lmao] that what it could be interpreted as is "everything │
║ sucks and it will always suck, so face the future with tenacity" or whatever. │
║ And that's like, not wrong, but also it's not the whole point, which is that │
║ we shouldn't strive for contentment unless we're healing. │
║ │
║ also I say "never trust a guru" but I'd like to expand that to "never trust │
║ your heroes" because they'll always disappoint you. But what is a hero if not │
║ hope given form? Trust in the hope, not the person holding it at that moment. │
║ You never know, maybe they'll get blown up by an artillery shell or maybe │
║ they'll betray you or maybe they'll get bored or distracted or whatever. Never │
║ trust your heroes, trust the inspiration. │
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--- #183 fediverse/6100 ---
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if you live in a place where it rains a lot you pretty much HAVE TO pick up
any secret notes you find. Otherwise they'll get waterlogged overnight.
Sometimes I like to put them somewhere shaded from the sky, sometimes I like
to show them to a friend (but the friend never takes them, booooo) and
sometimes I just keep them.
"ah but aren't you worried about messing up drug deals and stuff" no, because
most of the time "secret notes" are like "eggs milk bread chips salsa cheese"
and it's like "hmmmm what could it mean"
there's like, 2% of the time when they say something cool like "I know what
you did" or "all your base are belong to us" or whatever and those are fun to
hunt for. I usually try and put those somewhere shelted so they don't have to
leave their habitat - sometimes it's hard to drop them as the author so they
just sorta go wherever, but as a random passer-by I have the luxury of saying
"HMMMM now where could THIS ONE go?" and that's nice because I can put them
under an umbrella or whatevers rite
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--- #184 notes/one-day ---
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one day, a man came to our saloon. He said he knew the navy, and that they
wanted to provide air support
in the form of rocketball-launched explosion doohickeys. Would you have a foe
in mind?
what happens when tomorrow you're cooking briskets? -- barbeques are a type of
relaxation
that happened just one day to a port-sided town that suddenly was the capital
of
an embassy.
"hey, so... how's it goin?" "quick here take this envelope, read it if you
want,
but just hold onto it for now I don't have enough hands [to carry]" "what sort
of desperation plot... wait... hang on, I see something here that is true."
[I'm praying, right now, which is a form of reciprocal belief]
they wanted to test god's existence at the stake of earth's survival, how
brutal
how insane
you can't play chicken with an imperceptibility, sometimes you feel it at face.
channeling dark magics, and at this hour? what sort of skeptic of belief are
you
thinking of when you think about me?
one way to get power is to "prove it"
one way to get magic is to "prove it"
think, hard, at all that you can, and use what you need in the moment.
that's all there is to life. it's easy. it's simple. in fact, biology only
works
because the choices available to a bacteria are so simple, they are essentially
chemical reactions to each other's co - sequent - inter - cooper - actions.
people's choices are much more naiive, "I want this thing" "I think this is
better" "I feel this way toward this thing" "Here's what's on the mind-logbook"
"people search and be decieved, this is the way of things" "this makes me
remind
myself of a object I once saw, here's how it functioned" "no one reads this"
scaryyyy. so glad it's not true.
a couple people have read it! I swear it's true. at least, some of it. there's
a lot
sucks because this feels like... crucial? like nothing else matters but this?
what if our gangs had rocket launchers and airstrikes, given out by a central
authority who knows logistics better than anything
what... would they do?
thinking of impossiblities is the first step toward possibilities
frankly, we have a lot of space. we could just... live in our own petty
kingdoms
ruled by an iron-hand-fist. I know I'm a good person, I could definitely rule.
that's all it takes, right?
how much space are we talkin'?
however much is not needed for wildlife.
[a whole heck of a lot then]
we are constrained in these suburb cities, the density gives rise to our
strength and our towers. there's more space, sure, especially once the fences
are downed. Just be careful because there's a lot of shade and precious spots
there. Please don't trample on the plants-grass.
what if everyone were just a bit more mobile?
what if we could live in our own collectively owned air-bnb-networks?
federations, free, all from the collectivization of housing.
camrene = vavadane = neekay = mitz renaldi
[end/tend/mend]
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--- #185 fediverse/2512 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: question that is also complaining │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-1153
it's okay. If I were to direct something to be more proactive, my words
probably wouldn't stick with it. that kind of thing can't be hardwired, it
needs to be built up through repetitious application of something's mechanics.
perhaps martial arts, focused on defence? engaging with a foe in a productive
bout of playful competition is one of the best ways to learn, and knowing when
to strike seems similar to me to overcoming situational paralysis.
Flaws can be overcome, when upgrading robots (or a doll applying improvements
to itself) you often don't need to add additional hardware or even install new
firmware. Skills such as these can be built up in software with experience.
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--- #186 fediverse/4562 ---
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I like being alone. But if I'm alone for too long, I suffocate. I start acting
like a weird nerd who doesn't know what to do with their hands.
If I spend too much time with people, I get exhausted and I can't think
straight. I start using other people's mannerisms instead of my own.
I'm not an introvert, or an extrovert, I think the dichotomy is stupid and
people have completely separate needs that deplete and recharge at their own
rates.
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--- #187 fediverse/6239 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
somehow that came out wrong - I meant when you die, suddenly you stop growing
and you are who you be. forever, alegacy.
I'd rather be awake and alive, thank you very much. I think I'm worth more as
such. Plus it's nice, to me? to be unafraid and free? if you'd feed a cat,
you'd shelter a humon. oh, you want me to work like a rat. ah well I'll wander
through this maze, with my head all in a daze, we'll see what I can still see
tomorrow.
... I'd rather not be who I don't actively want to be, I think the more
correct way of saying it. I mispronounced. I misspoke. Sorry it's just hard
for me. my cats meowing at me.
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--- #188 fediverse/5927 ---
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║ A guy walks in. Does something awesome. Another guy says "hold my beer" and │
║ does the same thing. Another guy wants in, so he does a spinny thing while │
║ doing the thing. The next guy doesn't want to show off so he just does it │
║ really really quickly. then there's this other guy who is totally hyped and he │
║ takes his shirt off and screams before doing the thing because he's just a │
║ wacko I guess. What a cutie. Anyway then there's like three guys at once who │
║ are coming from different directions and they all do the thing at the same │
║ time and almost bump into each other. Then there's the guy who's normally a │
║ little shy but gets caught up in the action and is permanently a little more │
║ confident afterwards. Then there's the guy who does the thing and is │
║ completely unremarkable about it because he's just here with his girlfriend │
║ but he's not gonna pass up a chance to do the thing. then the last and final │
║ guy take a wind-up stretch while all the other guys are doing the thing and │
║ then he does the thing in a big flashy way │
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--- #189 messages/416 ---
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Do you ever wonder why you can't remember anything after being stoned? Why the
words you write down, oh so profound in the moment, turn to silliness and
illusion upon coming off your high mont-vantage? Of course, dear reader,
because all things are defined in waves.
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--- #190 fediverse/1261 ---
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║ sometimes I run this WoW server with only like, 10 username and passwords. And │
║ they're all public. As far as I can tell nobody's ever tried connecting │
║ (whatever >.> ) but rather than set up a way to create your own │
║ credentials I just said "yeah pick one at random and play whatever someone │
║ else was doing because I like the idea of that" │
║ │
║ somehow, it felt right. │
║ │
║ most of my passwords (not all of them) are hacked and visible on the clear │
║ net. Like you could probably google my usernames and get my current passwords │
║ for things like, social media or my banks or whatever. I kinda like the idea │
║ that "you cannot trust anything I say, so think of the ideas behind my words │
║ and decide whether they hold meaning to you" rather than "execute these │
║ particular thought patterns in your mind as if they came from my voice" │
║ because one implies an exertion of control over the mind of the recipient │
║ -> obey my thoughts as I broadcast them into your mind, that kinda vibe. │
║ And I feel like you have to consent to that kind of thing hehe │
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--- #191 fediverse/516 ---
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@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
I wrote a little bit of that on my website, but something told me not to. I
think because it would weaken the message? Frankly it was quite difficult to
say even the barest minimum of "I wrote these things when I was distressed and
didn't post them until now. I'm only posting them now because they're becoming
increasingly relevant and it's a little embarassing tbh to showcase how much
I've changed. Please don't take these things out of context."
I wasn't wrong per se, but I was misaligned. I am always re-aligning myself in
small ways that eventually create (what I believe to be) the best and most
ethical direction. BUT it's easy not to see that. People don't see things in
their totality, they see only what they are exposed to. That's not bad, it's
just a product of our finite existence. Which is why I value personal
expression more than self-identified moral and ethical directioned [beliefs,
but pronounced as "adaptations"]
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--- #192 notes/me-and-my-magick-mission ---
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-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
|| ||
|| Me and My Magick Mission -/u/Afoolfortheeons ||
|| ||
-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
I'm a quiet person by nature,
You might even mistake me for a mouse,
But online I try to be a teacher,
And to do that I need to be more verbose.
I write thousands of words per day;
Posting them here and there, far and near.
I never run out of things to say.
Awakening others is something I hold dear.
Which is why it pains me greatly
To be like an alien on my own home planet.
Schizophrenia makes me innately
Weird in ways that many people don't get,
And because of that I'm shot down
When I try to accomplish my stated mission.
I won't lie, that does make me frown.
Sometimes it makes me regret a submission.
Yet, I have a certain strength in me
That allows me to persevere in my quest.
Someday I will make you all see
Just what in me makes me never rest.
That's what I am trying to teach:
The wisdom that made me indomitable.
If only the suffering I could reach,
They could make themselves more formidable.
The world is in a most dire place;
It's grinding so many souls into fine dust,
But luckily there's a saving grace.
Hear me as I say this now: In God I trust.
I don't believe in some sky wizard
As so many people are likely to interpret.
I speak of what is lacking in lizards;
Yes, it's love and now I'll speak of its merit.
Love is what fills the empty hole
In your heart and soul when you are alone.
When life's trials take their toll
Remember this one trick: pick up the phone!
No, not the one in your hands.
I'm talking about the one in your chest.
Even in the desert full of sand,
You're accompanied by the universe's best.
Listen if you doubt what I said:
I'm not telling you anything that defies logic.
This is to trick what's in your head;
I'm speaking about how having faith is magick.
Believe in aliens or Bigfoot or God,
The result is still the same: your cup will fill.
Your brain has a feature that's odd
That allows itself to manifest even more will.
I don't know why, but I suspect
It has something to do with your imagination.
The nature of your thoughts impact
Your state of being from pulse to emotions.
So, why not think you have a friend
Who helps you through whatever your trial,
And will stick by you until the end?
When you have that buddy you'll always smile,
Which will make you heal better,
As well as help you carry on in your duty,
Plus undo your karmic fetters,
Not to mention it will land you that cutie;
All of which will raise us all.
It's about creating positive ripples across time
That add up to a pile that's tall.
Every moment is an opportunity in its prime,
So reach out and grab it now.
Meditate on feeling love and it will come to be.
Can't do it? I'll show you how!
In order to do so, I'll tell you a story about me:
It was seven years ago and I
Thought I knew everything one could know,
But no matter how hard I'd try,
I couldn't make my life in any direction go.
Then one fateful spring night,
While I was on a hit of the ol' psychedelics,
I received one hell of a fright.
Don't worry what it was, just know it did stick.
My perceptions were distorted,
Allowing me to see the divine in its entirety.
My destroyed ego then contorted
Into one that was full of an abundance of piety.
The moral of the story? Do drugs?
No silly, it's to have more novel experiences.
One of them will give you a hug,
Which will help you stop being so serious.
Then you can let go and embrace
The whole of the wisdom to you I am telling.
More people need to cuz we face
A great set of tests on our planetary dwelling.
That is one reason I write,
But I also want to alleviate people's pain,
And stop every last fight.
I care so much, I do this without financial gain.
Everyday I write my lessons
Guided by the hand of God who is my heart,
Hoping that entropy will lessen;
This sort of pedagogy is none other than my art.
So now you know who I am,
Yet you only know one lesson of mine.
I have more if you're in a jam.
-===========================================-
| Read on if you want to know the divine. |
-===========================================-
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--- #193 fediverse/4467 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned-trans-healthcare-gestured-at │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I went to a trans meetup a couple days ago. It was invigorating. The first
half we talked about hormones and bathrooms and politics and all the normal
shit these meetups tend to do. I don't tend to go to them because it's the
same stuff every time, and I'm over that. I've been out for a decade. I've
shared what I need to share.
Partway through I said "If you want to talk about how to bash back, meet me
outside."
people came.
Be like me.
You will forever vanquish your demons if you face them in earnest. I had
stagefright and adrenaline but I took the lead, and we had a productive
conversation. We need to have many more conversations.
We have strategy. It is not set in stone, it is flexible, and able to be
adjusted based on tactical successes and failures.
tactics are what we need to discuss at in-person meetings.
You are just one person. The people you know are more valuable than the value
you personally provide.
Think of yourself like a node to connect.
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--- #194 fediverse/5911 ---
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║ I was always fascinated by the Linux way of programming. Need to do something? │
║ write it into a script! You never know when you'll need it again. Then, just │
║ stay organized, religiously so, and understand that you will forget about │
║ stuff. But, you'll come across it eventually, ready and willing and able to │
║ help you. │
║ │
║ if you don't want me using AI, then give me ~20 junior developers. Which is │
║ more efficient, do you think? │
║ │
║ "girl you haven't even tested your vibe-coded slop, how do you know if it │
║ works" │
║ │
║ oh I'm sure it doesn't, but it's the thought that counts │
║ │
║ ... I guess I'm just saying, please don't burn the data centers. Computers are │
║ not only bad for the environment when they're burnt, but also we can use them │
║ for all kinds of neat things. Even if it takes a lot of energy, just... build │
║ more solar panels and only use the computers for important stuff? │
║ timeshare-style? │
║ │
║ \@/documents/books/man-and-the-computer.pdf │
║ │
║ that was my mother's book... I love her. I miss that side of her. She fled │
║ when the cancer came. │
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--- #195 fediverse/5915 ---
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washing dishes without a dishwasher is a pain in the neck.
nobody cuts down trees with an axe anymore, a chainsaw is better for your back.
It's nice, fun, and helpful to be able to abstract away your spheres of concern
like typing with a single button instead of writing characters with multiple
brushstrokes. Easy to erase, too!
bikes are better than walking, but, with some extra concerns. where are ya
gonna put it when you get there?
"oh no I forgot how to walk because texting my girlfriend is bicycling or
something" what? oh dear, she's run off track again, let's pick her up and put
her upright again..:
oh huh weird where was I - oh yes computer code can often be impenetrable to
the layperson, but if you describe a program in complete detail in english
they can usually follow along. Especially if you have several layers of
meta-descriptional documents so they can say "oh uh-huh so that's what a
vector_implementation_container is, tell me more about combinatrix" or
whatever ppl say, idk
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--- #196 fediverse/3925 ---
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most people, when they run out of toothpaste:
"oh huh I should buy more"
me, when I run out of toothpaste:
"verily in three monthes time, when I shall next possess toothpaste, I shall
forsoothe brush TWICE as hard and TWICE as often, to make up for the holes
inflicted upon my teeth. Innest addittioneth, no more candy shallest be
eateneth untileth ye toothpasteth be acquiredeth"
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--- #197 fediverse/2562 ---
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│ CW: rich-apologia │
└──────────────────────┘
among all the others, I want a wonderful and fulfilling life for the
socialite. they deserve light just as you and I might.
"eat the rich" bruh there's like, 100 people who are running the show.
everyone else is basically just a syncophant who's trying to get ahead and
stay working.
then there's like their families and such and like... they didn't do anything
wrong, they just eat cheese and wine and laugh at memes all day with their
besties.
they are basically pets
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--- #198 fediverse/1090 ---
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║ @user-800 │
║ │
║ I knew I was trans from a young age. I felt attracted to women's clothes │
║ because I lived in a home with two sisters and a mother - my father was │
║ frequently away on business. │
║ │
║ I guess I liked their clothes more. Or maybe I just wanted to fit in. But I │
║ found myself stealing them and wearing them when I was alone. Then I got │
║ older, and amongst all the other things I realized I wanted to be one of them. │
║ │
║ I knew what trans people were, sorta, but as soon as I moved to the city and │
║ got access to the internet the first thing I ever googled was "I want to be a │
║ girl" - really dating myself here I guess. │
║ │
║ anyway, I miss that part of the internet. Felt more simple and alive. As soon │
║ as their fancy websites made us intolerant of ugly ones, we kinda just... │
║ left? I mean, how much does it cost to host a text-file with all your html? │
║ Some pictures maybe? Who cares it was whatever. │
║ │
║ I miss forums the most, and while I could visit them... it's not the same, │
║ just as the next superbowl will not be the same as the last │
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The whole time I was camping on Wyoming, I never once felt scared. As a kid I
was a hero, an adventurer, a warrior and a director. I'd plan out engagements
and fight as an actor. It was fun! And I never was afraid, so I never got
possessed by a forest spirit or anything like that. No evil witches either.
No, the witch came later I think.
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Only the good die young, and I'm 29
It can't be much longer, can it? What do you want from me? Must I prove
myself, or am I just fated to be as I am?
Every lesson I've learned pales in comparison to the lessons presented to me,
but still I ponder. I've grown myself into a corner, and now I am empty.
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![it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*](/similar-different/media/1c154109c4111346.png "it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. \"ah help I'm in a psyop\" haha yeah we do those all the time \"so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?\" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*")
![this one's a doozy. a picture of the "reasons to trust me" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads "like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the "reasons to trust me" graph. 2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - "the color doesn't matter... wine? why" 3 dropping down the page, there's a line of "please" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me. error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line] okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter:](/similar-different/media/ed0f1d89739fe8c6.png "this one's a doozy. a picture of the \"reasons to trust me\" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads \"like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the \"reasons to trust me\" graph. 2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - \"the color doesn't matter... wine? why\" 3 dropping down the page, there's a line of \"please\" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me. error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line] okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter:")
![A screenshot based continuation of the end of the post, which went over the character limit by 36 characters. Of note is that this wasn't included in the original post, it was added later in an edit to be silly. The text reads: "maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or maybe I'll finish it just for you. [smiley face]"](/similar-different/media/67d820708ae5dc6a.png "A screenshot based continuation of the end of the post, which went over the character limit by 36 characters. Of note is that this wasn't included in the original post, it was added later in an edit to be silly. The text reads: \"maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or maybe I'll finish it just for you. [smiley face]\"")
![the trick isn't to overcome them. much better to convince them of your side. if you can earnestly present your best and most brilliant intanations to a willing and captive audience, a presentation or a performance or a play you can trick them into your state of consciousness. all you gotta do, really, is act for them, and they'll get along with them plenty. == stack overflow == your foes are primarily concerned with how you'd do if you turned evil. power is penance, not sin. it is a service to be hallowed a whim. to guide and steer upright guided upon their own whim [toward] [ri-tselen-menardi] ew, she's got a diaper fetish -- evil witch >; | -- evil wizard -- | :< -- brave paladin good, overall, [264 characters remaining]](/similar-different/media/61e27998ea4114d3.png "the trick isn't to overcome them. much better to convince them of your side. if you can earnestly present your best and most brilliant intanations to a willing and captive audience, a presentation or a performance or a play you can trick them into your state of consciousness. all you gotta do, really, is act for them, and they'll get along with them plenty. == stack overflow == your foes are primarily concerned with how you'd do if you turned evil. power is penance, not sin. it is a service to be hallowed a whim. to guide and steer upright guided upon their own whim [toward] [ri-tselen-menardi] ew, she's got a diaper fetish -- evil witch >; | -- evil wizard -- | :< -- brave paladin good, overall, [264 characters remaining]")
![if you never lie to someone, they can't hurt you. *enemies* what are you a child stupid. why are you so traumatic. "omg you were like, obsessed with her" *haunted the future* what do you think that meant grrrrr I wanna stab through one. hence, sword *fuck nazis* there are people alive who were hurt by them. GREVIOUS WOUNDINGS TO THE WORLD'S ECONOMY. yeah. right. economy. [oops political violence mentioned, lemme add a content warning one sec:]](/similar-different/media/065d38e5b000c782.png "if you never lie to someone, they can't hurt you. *enemies* what are you a child stupid. why are you so traumatic. \"omg you were like, obsessed with her\" *haunted the future* what do you think that meant grrrrr I wanna stab through one. hence, sword *fuck nazis* there are people alive who were hurt by them. GREVIOUS WOUNDINGS TO THE WORLD'S ECONOMY. yeah. right. economy. [oops political violence mentioned, lemme add a content warning one sec:]")
