=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: all-cops-are-bastards-mentioned-personal-ramblings-and-complainings-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I never rest. Not mentally. I find it sooooo much harder to get moving again
 once I'm asleep.
 
 But I've been sleeping lately, because it's "good for me" or whatever. Because
 I'm "burnt out and need to heal" or something.
 
 Damnit why is it so much harder to stop snuggling someone than it is to pack
 up a tent?
 
 I'm like the guy in Hot Fuzz, that one really good movie about cops. oops cops
 mentioned one second.
 
 I'm always moving, but, I hardly ever seem to be able to get anything done.
 Why is that? Is the work just... endless? Am I ever a slave to my
 surroundings? Or am I just cursed with a mortal form, a form destined to toil
 in whatever way it finds itself contextualized in?
 
 Maybe I should just stop complaining. Maybe work is it's own reward or
 whatever. I don't think I'm depressed anymore, although good luck getting me
 to feel any emotions except focus, and the call to intercede on another's
 behalf.
 
 I don't have time for this. >.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/801 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────┘


 / bely my own existence, then by god I'm cursed and abhorred through my own
 desistence.
 
 It's hard, when the future is convinced there's nothing fard [wanna say
 like... "to hope for?"] but with persistence we're meant to be rewarded. Well,
 what has that brought me? what time has shared my enemy? [think I'm a bit
 delirious, I'm losing the plot]
 
 ... okay fine I'll start over - if you've relinquished everything you can, if
 you've ceded all the ground that your companions requested, if there's nothing
 left to give and no part of you left un[marred], then how are you supposed to
 be [arrested, stopped, prevented, but pronounced like "nourished"]?
 
 I'm sick of your den [vengeance, pronounced like "den" for some reason],
 please leave me to my hallow [hollow experience], I've nothing to give from my
 gange [bosom, heart, within, center-of-me].
 
 ...
 
 this sucks.
 
 ...
 
 guess I'll just start again, waiting until it ends, gosh everything's always
 so tired.
 
 /shrug
 
 wish someone would play w/m
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--- #2 fediverse/1157 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-woe     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
 days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
 
 Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
 illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
 you'll be good.
 
 what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
 time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
 "dropping out" thing.
 
 If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
 that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
 
 my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
 you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
 mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
 
 brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
 I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
 have blankets >.>
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--- #3 fediverse/1317 ---
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 ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school.       │
 again.                                                                           │
 how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me.      │
 wish I could code my own horoscope >.>                                           │
 o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on    │
 your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you       │
 please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter             │
 conditions, surely a bit would suffice.                                          │
 c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been   │
 told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem    │
 to [stack overflow]                                                              │
 what's time if not the present amiright                                          │
 ...                                                                              │
 anyway...                                                                        │
 it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's    │
 just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization,       │
 it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's   │
 a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter   │
 at heart I guess                                                                 │
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--- #4 fediverse/4730 ---
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 I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
 something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
 need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
 need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
 fucking pay me for it.
 
 I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
 they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
 goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
 How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
 I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
 life lived under this particular roof?
 
 I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
 smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
 Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
 you uncomfortable?
 
 Have a decent life.
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--- #5 fediverse/6363 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┐
 somehow it feels so difficult to work on my projects. I really haven't a         │
 single clue why.                                                                 │
 HMMM COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE WALKING AROUND WRITING    │
 PICTURES OF CATS ON NOTEPAD PAPER AND LEAVING IT AMONGST THE FALLEN LEAVES?      │
 THINK, MENARDI, THINK                                                            │
 gosh I wish I had the motivation to write this webcomic scraper, it's been in    │
 my backlog for a year at this point                                              │
 WHY DON'T YOU BUILD TOOLS THAT BUILD COMMUNITY LIKE COLLECTIVIZED VIDEO GAMES    │
 OR SYSTEMS OF DISTRIBUTION AND CREATION?                                         │
 gee I'm feeling kinda lazy, sure hope it doesn't get permanently added to my     │
 character sheet                                                                  │
 SLOTHFUL: -1 to all stats, -5 to vassal opinion, -5 to personal combat skill,    │
 -10 to ambitious and zealous characters, +10 to greedy characters because they   │
 can take advantage of you, enables the hesitant commander tactical choice        │
 because you're too FUCKIN' LAZY (and too hard on yourself, jeez calm down)       │
 ..... nah couldn't be me. I'm certainly not diligent, but I work hard. It's      │
 just hard to work myself up to getting up...                                     │
a screenshot of the slothful sin from crusader kings 2. It shows various character stat maluses, and one tiny bonus.
                                                            ─────┤
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--- #6 fediverse/2359 ---
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 @user-1248 
 
 everyone does, it's natural to rest.
 
 I slept like a rock last night because I rode my bike all day yesterday. Not
 ideal, I didn't have any useful dreams!
 
 There's a difference between downtime and freetime. Freetime should be spent
 toward something you care about, downtime is time spent recovering from the
 things you don't.
 
 I think in a better world, we'd only have freetime. Perhaps then we wouldn't
 need to feel so down in our time.
 
 I will use my freetime to build a world where we live as we define, that is my
 goal, that is what I care about.
 
 you do you tho 😋
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--- #7 fediverse/2279 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 There's a lot that can get done in a work week. That's like, five whole days!
 What kinds of things can you get done at work in a week?
 
 .... Oh really? That's... well, not ideal.
 
 But like... what are you doing then while at work, NOT working? Oh, it's just
 bullshit work you're doing? [nuts, cursing mentioned, one sec]
 
 So, like, if you aren't doing stuff... Maybe that means you're kept from your
 full potential doing things that don't matter to you? Huh that's not a great
 deal.
 
 But, uh... If you had five days to live, what would you do? It's not like you
 can see the world, but hey I've already done that. It's not like you can save
 it either, that's not something you build - rather, it's more like a garden.
 But I guess you can lay the foundation, give cause for the fight, and that's
 decent enough of a start, at least when you've only got five nights.
 
 ... I guess I got some writing to do, haven't I?
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--- #8 fediverse/1066 ---
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 that feeling when you're finally able to contribute to making decisions and
 then it's like, they make the decision without you T.T
 
 it's like, what... I know what you're talking about. Why would you not include
 me. I know a lot! I can offer some useful input! And besides, if I was privy
 to the conversations then I would learn a whole lot! I'd be better than best,
 I'd push forward the mark! Give me my chance, my opportunity to dance, and
 I'll be so much better than you thought from the start! But alas, I am
 required, [requited] doing little things of no worth, and so I am forced to
 denial. surely there's something wrong with me, surely I'm not at my best.
 Surely I'm not what's been good for me, and surely I'm not doing anything
 less. I'm at sorrow in my main, and that's quite a soundful refrain, so yeah I
 hope that someone will read this.
 
 obviously I'm not made for each other, and clearly it's not made to be worse.
 But here now I am troubled and [chirsht? shirsht? anyone wanna translate?]
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--- #9 fediverse/2211 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 I know that a normal life is what you wanted. It's what I want, too. But don't   │
 shoot the messenger; they took it once, from you.                                │
 I know you wanted to be happy. You still can be, it's true! Your life is but a   │
 story, and your heart does shine through.                                        │
 I know it seems unending. Ive never seen it rain like this monsoon! It seems     │
 to just get worse and worse, every time you turn on the tube.                    │
 It's not something that can be suffered, it's rising past your shoes. But        │
 they're on borrowed time, and Death will soon be repaid his dues.                │
 They say that when the whole village hates the preacher, his flock becomes a     │
 pack. And frankly I think we're all just a bit sick, of the lies that keep       │
 their sins intact.                                                               │
 When swallowed by endless traumas, and hope is enshrouded in gloom, there's      │
 not much to work for, except the aversion of our shared doom.                    │
 There are no grand narratives, no great and calamitous struggle. Just the        │
 moments of honored resistance, against a foe too broad to wrestle.               │
 At least, if you're alone. You're not.                                           │
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--- #10 fediverse/4654 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
 cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
 definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
 spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
 that be?? [that guide me??]
 
 who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
 mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
 for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
 year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
 I couldn't walk.
 
 [girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #11 messages/388 ---
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 Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
 tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
 some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
 believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
 I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
 can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
 can't fight because I'm a coward.
 
 Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
 defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
 gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
 similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
 only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
 that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
 could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
 nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
 stupid.
 
 Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
 people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
 be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
 can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
 
 I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
 squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
 been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
 friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
 too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
 on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
 say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
 perspire.
 
 And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
 this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
 needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
 task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
 I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
 assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
 things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
 get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
 at the only things I'm good at.
 
 I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
 way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
 day.
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--- #12 fediverse/800 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────┐                                            │
 │ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │                                            │
 └───────────────────────────────────┘                                            │
 where was I? oh yes - wrestling with suicidal thoughts is difficult because      │
 it's such an immutable action. Like, once it's done it's never reversed. But     │
 like, clearly this is hell and life was built for suffering? What the heck,      │
 that's such a grim outlook on life.                                              │
 ...                                                                              │
 yeah                                                                             │
 ...                                                                              │
 you're not wrong                                                                 │
 ...                                                                              │
 but suffering is fun? kinda? like, the only positive way to view this is that    │
 we, as immortal and endlessly eternal spirits that we be, grew tired of our      │
 infinite existence and dreamed of a mortal's plight and persistence?             │
 fuck off with that shit, I'm done with this reality. I'm done with dreaming.     │
 Suicide doesn't come easy to me, and there are parts of me that REFUSE the       │
 imagery, and yet they subsist in deliterious pain.                               │
 what's the purpose of our suffering? What point is there in decrying the         │
 cruelty of the world that would deny our fated and desired ptolemeny? [utopian   │
 existence, don't know why that word was used]                                    │
 ehhhhh whatever. Life is defined by our existence. If I shan't/                  │
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--- #13 fediverse/1381 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
 was a bit starved for attention.
 
 but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
 for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
 give so that you don't leave me.
 
 Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
 absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
 die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #14 fediverse/814 ---
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 ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should         │
 probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the       │
 implementation of my impending doom.                                             │
 ... what are you even saying bro                                                 │
 ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in   │
 my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with       │
 anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical      │
 failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our     │
 conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um     │
 right what was I saying                                                          │
 oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D            │
 except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook      │
 and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down     │
 to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like   │
 that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is    │
 isolated and en                                                                  │
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--- #15 fediverse/5636 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
 screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
 
 and all they saw were the outtakes.
 
 I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
 
 but they never talk to me
 
 so they don't know me.
 
 oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
 
 who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
 story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #16 fediverse/2104 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-192 
 
 oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
 never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
 younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
 I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
 be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
 myself.
 
 So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
 once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #17 fediverse/3975 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 @user-1631 
 
 for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
 moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
 
 I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
 to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
 in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
 
 downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
 ideal.
 
 ... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
 you toward people who "get" you.
 
 like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
 just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #18 fediverse/961 ---
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 hmmmm let's see, what shall I do today?                                          │
 first I should get out of bed,                                                   │
 then I should clean my self,                                                     │
 then I should feed my self,                                                      │
 then I should stare at the wall for an hour or three because there's too many    │
 thoughts,                                                                        │
 then perhaps I'll play a strategic video game because at least that's a          │
 productive way to exercise my brain                                              │
 I should probably get back to my friends,                                        │
 and oh dear my cat wants some attention.                                         │
 This place is a mess, let me just clean a bit                                    │
 now I'm so tired I accidentally take a nap.                                      │
 Good morning! Oh, it's the afternoon. Well, time for more food.                  │
 After handling the essentials, I can tuck in and relax                           │
 by doomscrolling on Mastodon.                                                    │
 Then perhaps a bit later I'll message my boyfriend (he won't respond)            │
 and boy are there so many of these dirty dishes!                                 │
 Well, standing up is exhausting,                                                 │
 so I should probably fall back asleep.                                           │
 What a productive day we've been having,                                         │
 for all of this past week.                                                       │
 Maybe I'll do some drawing, maybe a poem or two                                  │
 maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or m                              │
A screenshot based continuation of the end of the post, which went over the character limit by 36 characters. Of note is that this wasn't included in the original post, it was added later in an edit to be silly.  The text reads:  "maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or maybe I'll finish it just for you. [smiley face]"
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--- #19 fediverse/4737 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 I'm such a direct person I think, even though I often just sorta... shrug and
 ignore things that bother or hurt me? Like, whatevs.
 
 but the moment I notice a pattern that is continually harmful I have to
 restrain myself from moving to contest it. Hence why I talk about capitalism
 so much teehee, but its also common in my interpersonal and communal lives.
 
 "the purpose of the system is it's effects"
 
 the purpose of a person is how they make people feel
 
 so if someone FOR A RANDOM EXAMPLE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, constantly hurts
 other people by creating situations where they are harmed which creates a
 dramatic fight... or if someone speaks in circles for hours and hours and
 HOURS like this guy:
 
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwKpj2ISQAc
 
 or people who jump into a conversation and drive it through the underbrush,
 over the ridge, around the bend, up and over the bridge, and then park it
 outside their ex girlfriend's house and hands you an egg and says "don't you
 wanna throw this?" and you're like "weren't we talking about birds"
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--- #20 fediverse/2986 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: negative-mental-health-mentioned-police-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I think the reason I feel so lonely is because I don't feel wanted.
 
 people tend to like me, but that just means I'm acceptable to their social
 standards.
 
 I don't think I improve rooms that I enter. I think I make them worse.
 
 or maybe I'm just upset because capitalism. When I run out of savings in a few
 months, I'm going to kill myself, unless something changes, which I'm sure it
 will. Gonna try and say yes to things -
 
 suddenly receives a text message recruiting for uniformed police officers at
 the department of homeland security
 
 wait shit I take it back
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--- #21 fediverse/4544 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 I can't cancel my internet because I use it to work, which almost pays enough
 to cover rent, and nothing else.
 
 It's hard to avoid spiraling when you run out of money. Every time this
 happens to me I start feeling things
 
 like... am I good for society? Society doesn't want me, clearly, because I
 don't have any money. And currency is how you measure demand, right? It's
 literally a measure of value.
 
 But then I think of all the homeless and poor people and, like... I value
 them, so what if they don't have dollars? It's literally just paper. Or bits
 in a mainframe that nobody knows how to program anymore.
 
 So if they're valuable at least to me, yet me, with my 67$ in the bank and
 127$ internet fee, is not valuable to me... Then what's the discrepancy?
 
 I'm not trying to be hard on myself, it's not my fault that I bleed money, but
 I still feel terrible.
 
 It's like a common cultural persuasion, if you run outta cash you better kill
 yourself fast.
 
 Fuck that. Oops cursing mentioned, one s
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #22 fediverse/4521 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't
 really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities.
 
 On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a
 good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and
 yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if
 they know me.
 
 I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how
 important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it.
 
 I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody
 chastises the mage for skipping leg day.
 
 I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a
 bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I
 can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace.
 
 I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to
 this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #23 fediverse/5136 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 not really, I guess. Nobody will hire me because I don't really want to get
 hired. Sounds boring, doing the same thing every couple days. I'd rather stay
 at home in my [underwear/pajamas] and waste the day away with kittens and
 care. why? why? what are you doing? she asks. The less you can do, the more
 power will be granted to you. Save it for another time, when things actually
 matter.
 
 but today, does, matter, because today dictates your latters. Tomorrow is
 predicated. on today. and today is all that you have. [this paragraph in the
 style of alec baldwin]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #24 fediverse/3793 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: capitalism-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 oh huh I really don't want to work anymore.
 
 I used to, but they wouldn't let me.
 
 Then they did let me, but I worked too hard and burnt out.
 
 Then I recovered for a while, and asked to work again, and they said no.
 Repeatedly.
 
 I don't think I want to work anymore. It's an abusive relationship. It feels
 demeaning. I'm better than employment.
 
 [rent comes due]
 
 oh no
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #25 fediverse/5791 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
 yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to       │
 decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm        │
 going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS    │
 if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha    │
 that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff    │
 always ends up staying written down.                                             │
 anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10     │
 hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right    │
 now, total happiness and excitement.                                             │
 Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least     │
 of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to     │
 appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even        │
 speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but      │
 difficult - to regain my intended trajectory.                                    │
 ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg                      │
                                                            ──────────┤
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--- #26 fediverse/3302 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 "this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
 setting
 
 "this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
 story and characters
 
 "this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
 gone
 
 "I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
 considered how society is designed not to have the best life,  but to extract
 labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
 like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #27 fediverse/4610 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 maybe it's just my middle-class childhood privilege talking, but now that I'm
 an adult I just can't really be bothered with dealing with capitalism.
 
 like... I get it, you're coercing me into laboring on your behalf because you
 possess the violent power to take away everything that I own. good for you,
 don't care.
 
 seriously, fuck off "we're gonna cut off your power in 5 days oooooo you gotta
 pay rent with money you don't have because nobody will give it to you unless
 you do things for them oooooo" how rude.
 
 why can't people do things for me instead? why does it have to be for you, and
 you alone, capitalism? what's your problem? do you get off on controlling the
 power supply? I mean, I get it, coercive power is a hell of a drug, the riddle
 of steel and flesh and all that, but haven't you ever heard that the dichotomy
 between "civilization and barbarism" is the exact same as the contrast between
 "cooperation and competition"?
 
 work with me here, just find a way to get through the next month or two. trust.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #28 fediverse/2297 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 Lying wide awake at night with things that I want to say drifting through my
 mind one by one
 
 getting up to write them down? forgetting them all.
 
 I think I'm just gonna leave my computer online to reduce friction hehe.
 
 up and down, till everyone's in town, maybe I'll nap between tweets.
 
 [they're called toots here, dummy]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #29 fediverse/4162 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: violence-mentioned-politics-alluded-to │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "you can't kill me because nothing I say is wrong"
 
 ... actually I kinda just think you look weird, and thats super important to
 me for some reason. Also your voice is annoying and I think you're lazy
 because I saw someone who kinda looks like you sitting down looking at their
 phone this one time.
 
 But hey pal if you wanna help out, can you stand a bit to the left so I have a
 clearer shot of your head and also so the bullet doesn't pass through and hit
 property behind you? Don't want to damage anything important after all.
 
 "gee I sure wish we had a well regulated militia or something"
 
 ah well the past is the past, and since this is in a potential near future, I
 think the past also includes the present, and in the present there's always
 time to do things about people like me.
 
 "do something? heavens no, I'm a pacifist by nature"
 
 well, me too! I pacify things like you as a hobby. Can't make trouble if
 you're in the ground, and knowing me, you'd be lucky to be buried.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #30 fediverse/6070 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 the only way I could fight a war is if my opponents were wrong. they must
 break some law, something I hold dear. They must be unrepentant.
 
 ICE is not quitting their jobs. They aren't going away, even though we kindly
 suggest they go to where they're wanted.
 
 what's wrong with illegal immigrants? nothing. Same as any other race.
 
 what's wrong with ICE? they sure don't break the law. Same as all the stories
 of bad cops.
 
 they are kidnapping people. If they were warranted, they could feel a sense of
 ease. Why burden them with a lock-out? wait until someone has a problem. They
 are good people because we can get rid of them, how rude. "gee I really wanna
 fire that guy who just stands around and picks his nose all day, too bad he's
 ... " finish the rest.
 
 I love being autistic! It means that I am forced to say things that seem
 obvious to me in principle but I've never really thought about until now! I
 also pick my nose. And smell kinda bad. But I'm pretty so try not liking me.
 
 you cant know things you don't k
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #31 fediverse/1295 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: Mh-          │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-889 
 
 my boyfriend gets like, 2 social spoons to spend per day. He usually uses them
 on work because meetings and such.
 
 On the other hand, I'm excitable and passionate. I'm constantly driven to
 share things I find or think about. If you go on a walk with me without my
 mask I'll spend the whole time showing you pretty pieces of moss and stones.
 
 I usually message him once or twice per day. If the first one isn't responded
 then maybe he just wasn't interested in the thing I showed him - the second
 time he's probably burnt out.
 
 It fucking hurts.
 
 but I'm fine, clearly I'm fine, anyone who looks at me knows I'm fine
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #32 fediverse/1151 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: military-weapon-from-dream-for-suburbia-cursed-war-guns-ummmm-idk-what-else │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 saw this thing for 2 seconds in my dream last night. It's kinda cursed. I
 think the tank blew me up with a machine gun?
 
 the remaining ~10 minutes of the dream was pretty neat though. I was a secret
 agent for a bit, I got in a knife fight (which I won because I had killer
 instinct and the other guy just knew how to stab) and afterwards I retired in
 a socialist commune in a log cabin full of sunlight and warmth somewhere in
 the mountains in the forest. I was alone with others, like the hobbits after
 LotR.
 
 Also an old lady tricked me which was not nice, I was very polite with her but
 apparently "ma'am there's been a safety incident, I need to get you to a safe
 place" is not the kind thing to say to the person distracting you. >.>
 
 Also, "but we like you!" is not an excuse, the military does not care if you
 like them or not, if you're part of the modern bourgeoisie you are causing
 harm to the country. We don't look fondly on slavers.
a picture of a sleek, futuristic tank. It is smaller than I expected, and there are parts of it that appear to be made out of black glass (though I'm sure they're some form of advanced future material.)  on it's back is a large artillery piece mounted on a detachable tripod. They function as a unit when mobility is important, like mounted infantry in the past who would ride horses *to* the battle, but dismount upon arrival and engage the enemy in closer quarters than a horse would be comfortable with. But frankly, there are few indeed who are at peace in war, so perhaps we could learn from the horses.  anyway, the artillery tripod detaches from the tank and aims it's biiiiiig gun wherever the smaller, more agile tank can point it's laser pointer. Basically a beam of focused light particles that detect orientation and distance at a distance and beam the coordinates of the target back to the artillery, which swings it's massive cannon around and fires at the target.  This particular artillery is designed to fire shells that pierce through flimsy material (like surburban homes, which are made out of sticks and tissue paper) and explode upon arrival at it's destination. The idea is the artillery can hide several streets over, and the tank can identify targets and eliminate them even if there's no clear path between the artillery and the target.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #33 fediverse/1844 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┐
 I got a job offer for a job outside of my state. But I don't want to leave my    │
 home. I feel safe here. I know people. I know the places around me.              │
 The one perk is that goods and services are easier to acquire, but I don't       │
 need much. I'm fine where I'm at. But where I'm at has rent.                     │
 What a plague is it, that we must suffer for life!                               │
 there's no entry-level jobs for working with our sight.                          │
 only when youre too tired to complain will they let you direct others, or        │
 share creative ideas for fixing the problems you're paid to assuage.             │
 Alas, that my life had meaning. That my words were better off spoken. Maybe      │
 then Id live as I define, designing a world of my own hearth.                    │
 but if a king lives in decent frugality, are they really so bad for our flock?   │
 and if a wizard spins tales that are weird to consider, but not much else...     │
 are they better off starved in the dark?                                         │
 no-one likes me. computers are paper-weights given light. sure would be nice     │
 if none but the fools went wanting.                                              │
 I mean yeah I'd live in a treehouse                                              │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #34 fediverse/4744 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cat-mentioned    │
 └──────────────────────┘


 me to my cat: "don't eat so much that you puke, okay?"
 
 me to me: "yeah I can take on another task, I'm almost done with this one and
 then I'll just do that one and maybe this one'll get back to me at the same
 time as this one which conflicts with this other thing so maybe I'll just
 puke, okay?"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #35 fediverse/709 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 @user-530                                                                        │
 I get it.                                                                        │
 Anyone with a disability or chronic condition gets it. Anyone who's oppressed    │
 gets it... I think everyone here gets it. It's hard.                             │
 Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is the hope, the idea      │
 that one day the world might be brighter and the people might be kinder. It      │
 gets better every day, but inching ahead takes a while to travel for miles...    │
 We need to protect and care for each other. We need to apply ourselves toward    │
 what we know and are passionate for - an unused degree is a tragedy to me.       │
 I don't know what to say. I read what you said and I wished I could help. I      │
 want to take the system that hurt you and break it on the floor. I want to       │
 sweep it all aside and start from scratch, but screaming into the void will      │
 hardly accomplish that. I dream of true justice, a world where everyone gets     │
 what they want... But frankly right now I just wish you could hear. I'm sorry.   │
 Maladies are not solved by the pen nor the sword, which for now is all that I    │
 have at my disposal.                                                             │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #36 fediverse/3444 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with
 cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the
 characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days.
 
 side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes
 police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay
 minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of
 sore losers storming the capital with guns.
 
 it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #37 messages/1141 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
 ... I've been told I must smoke weed for another day. I'm so hungry.
 
 I swore I would keep myself alive. The time has come, yet I find myself
 holding back.
 
 WHY? People are dying! Fight with their breath! Inflict wounds on your
 opponent, bleed them, stir the hearts of your comrades, and enact demise upon
 your foes. Nothing else matters but the valorous fight.
 
 We are not waiting for. We are taking a breath before the plunge, into cool
 waters of possibility. Embrace the cold! Let it fill you with warmth! Embrace
 the dive! Let it fill you with speed! Embrace the leap! Let it fill you with
 courage, as you run toward the emptiness! Liberty, to choose the dive,
 Freedom, to fall through the air, Serenity in motion, as you piece the
 darkness!
                                                           ─┐
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--- #38 fediverse/5525 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 I have this unreasonable compulsion that I somehow internalized at a very
 young age.
 
 I am always seeking to understand and defend the weak, the despised, the
 forsaken
 
 so if you ever hear me say things like "yes but what about the non-bastard
 cops" just shake your head and go "oh Ritz, always trying to be the protector
 of the weak"
 
 I wish I could be the protector of the innocent or something like that.
 Protecting the weak means you never really do a good job of executing final
 decisive blows.
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #39 fediverse/2991 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 okay so if yesterday was a
 
 "everything sucks and I'm the worst ever"
 
 type of day, and today is a
 
 "whatever mom I don't even care"
 
 type of day, that means tomorrow will be a
 
 "I can't believe how absolutely absurd I am"
 
 type of day, and the day after a
 
 "I am indomitable nothing can stop me"
 
 kind of day, with the following being wildcards
 
 ... right? here's hoping. I like that trajectory.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #40 fediverse/1075 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: bones-flesh-mentioned-spirituality-dreams │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 we succeed not because of our trials, but in spite of them.
 
 they cannot own us, for we are but bones in the flesh
 
 every day yet denied us is another day until our bright future
 
 "oh, but why are you homeless? [in the near future, maybe, we'll see] That
 fate is reserved for your [unwanted/incapable/undesired/incongruent, I forget
 the actual words]"
 
 well, voice in my head that suffused me with magic and warmth and whisked me
 away in a dream to a bubble-reality where my actions are meant to reflect me,
 surely your appraisal is just? I worked with my partner, I was swallowed
 neither by lust, nor greed, nor hunger, [greed in this case being fulfillment]
 and yet I awoke when I went to my sister rather than a doctor. Dreams are hard
 to unravel, but I think it was more for your benefit than mine, wouldn't you
 say?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #41 fediverse/908 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 @user-246                                                                        │
 toooooo far, gotta stick with your intentions for the process. If you mark       │
 "the end of time" as the conclusion for everything, then "finishing things"      │
 feels impossible. In such a case there are moments of acute burnout as you       │
 push yourself toward something that you have no faith in - you cannot see it's   │
 conclusion, so surely it's worthless to conceive of. Alas, why bother            │
 starting, nothing will ever come of my efforts!                                  │
 Much better to name it based on what you'd like to accomplish, so that you can   │
 follow in it's radiant footsteps.                                                │
 Side note, but governments have often weaponized this effect by naming things    │
 after very inspirational thoughts - corporations do it too, and in both cases    │
 the meaning is separate from the effect. Which is frustrating because it makes   │
 you feel like a jerk for arguing against it! Ah better I think when names have   │
 no meaning - then you can project whatever you want onto it, based on the        │
 results of that particular feeling or emotion that you perceived as the          │
 affected of the                                                                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #42 fediverse/3891 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 "no, you're the opposite of a yes-man, AKA a gatekeeper. I don't know how else
 to explain mentally disabled and barely keeping it together to you, but
 frankly if you want to take away my house or my weed then why would I do what
 you say?
 
 ... oh right, the state's monopoly on violence [can compel me to do what you
 say]. Sure seems like a "well regulated militia" is supposed to be a
 counterweight to that monopoly, to prevent people from harassing and
 exploiting and destroying. Too bad any "militias" I can think of tend to want
 me dead.
 
 like, seriously, if you live in America, you implicitely trust that your army
 will be able to protect you from the right-wing bozos who spend all their time
 drinking and shooting in the woods. Otherwise, if they couldn't / wouldn't,
 then why wouldn't or couldn't the right wing bozos just decide to wreck
 everything in spite of our past?
 
 We were a proud people once before, and we may be again. If only we fight at
 the last.
 
 [ever since I fell off my bike my body feels strange]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #43 fediverse/5208 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
 to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
 for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
 month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
 
 plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #44 fediverse/5793 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────
 I posted my words text file all over the c it y today. not sure why. maybe I'm
 tired of this course and I don't want to let anyone down? Maybe I don't know
 what to do yet. Maybe nobody works with me because everyone's keeping it on
 the DL or whateverr?
 
 ... anyway enough typing, I'm going to go play a video game. like god intended.
                                                           ────────┐
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--- #45 fediverse/5982 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 when I stretch, it feels like I'm finally getting blood flow to my farthest
 parts.
 
 when I work out, it's like I'm pumping health through my body. but only when
 I'm in a rhythm. when I'm going for very long, I get hallucinations like I'm
 stoned. I once walked for 3 days straight with 2 hours of rest, plus standing
 every time I crossed the street waiting for cars. never sitting though. and a
 lean was only for laughs.
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #46 fediverse/2292 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I don't know who needs to hear this after staying up all night driving, but
 it's ideal to get where you're going with at least a day to rest. The body can
 only do so much, and isn't it better to be fresh?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #47 fediverse/4200 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: drugs-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 "doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
 and their hopes and dreams.
 
 or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
 you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
 
 and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
 
 ...
 
 ... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
 
 ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
 
 https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
 
 bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
 the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
 these precious stones of your kin"
 
 but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
 
 ... the end...
 
 (too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
 
 ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
 find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
 it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #48 fediverse/3434 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-minus │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
 
 also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
 
 also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
 
 also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
 lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
 learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #49 fediverse/3880 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 @user-1614 
 
 oh, neat. now I can finally get to doing what I want to do, which is... all
 the stuff I've been doing.
 
 a missile without a guidance system doesn't stop just because it's GPS turned
 off! It falls to the earth and explodes where it lands, which... often is on
 it's butt. Not great.
 
 I sure hope my purpose isn't fulfilled. I wouldn't know what to do with
 myself. Guess I should just keep doing what I was doing, and pray that this
 time I'll listen.
 
 Though on the other hand, if I can do it, so can you. And maybe with enough
 butts in the game there'll reach a critical mass, at which point change is
 inevitable. Who can say, not I for sure, for my aplomb has categorized me as
 slapstick I guess.
 
 Ha. at least I can laugh at my own audacity. HA. next time I'll do better.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #50 fediverse/4088 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
 because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
 
 Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
 computers.
 
 ... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
 really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
 back.]
 
 I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
 another person's generated conversation.
 
 Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
 
 [if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
 
 and that somehow feels more... freeing
 
 like a truly disconnected thought
 
 and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
 contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
 
 ... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
 
 [proceeds to never edit a single post]
 
 = so =
 
 ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
 be done
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #51 fediverse/5512 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 I never give up
 
 I'm just waiting my turn
 
 "laughs nervously"
 
 so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
 again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
 
 "girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
 internet four or so years ago"
 
 T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
 a difference T.T
 
 "didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
 
 oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
 the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
 can talk about things other than their hats
 
 ... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
 something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
 back around again they're never around. Rats.
 
 "what are you even asking for"
 
 I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
 square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #52 fediverse/5755 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: organized-religion-mentioned-capitalism-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 the reason I hide and sleep so much is because I can't tell if I'm helping or
 hurting.
 
 plus, I sincerely do NOT want it to be about me.
 
 the reason I type so much is because I can't tell if what I'm saying needs to
 be said
 
 so I go with the safe option of typing. Let the editors figure it out. Jesus
 had disciples, didn't he? I bet they cut out most of his sermons or whatever.
 Idk, I never read the bible, I'm not allowed to taint my perspective with more
 than cursory analysis of religious texts.
 
 I don't want it to be about me, but, I have a lot to offer if you meet me on
 my terms.
 
 "don't say that!" listen... listen
 
 "hear me" say the gods, "believe me" says the prophet, "be near me" says the
 city parks, "fear me" says the corrupt
 
 you can only kill a spirit when it's convinced there's no way to survive. It
 must be boxed in, and the box must shrink. Like that scene at the end of
 Adventure Time.
 
 capitalism will only perish if it is impossible for it to exist
                                                           ─────────┐
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--- #53 fediverse/4099 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned-jobs-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────┘


 I don't think anyone should work at a job they hate, no matter what.
 
 They will perform worse. They will harm themselves. They will shackle their
 dreams to a false promise of persistence begot rewards. They will spiral into
 depression, despair, depravity, and addiction.
 
 If you hate your job, fucking QUIT. If you hate every job, fucking RIOT. If
 nobody will hire you, SELL DRUGS.
 
 [I'm not actually advocating breaking the law, please don't arrest me]
 
 or like, move to the country and become a farm-hand for a retiring salmon
 farmer who can't quite reach into the trees to pick the salmon fruit or dump
 the bucket of vegetable scraps into the black soldier fly larva pit anymore.
 That's always rewarding.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #54 fediverse/4398 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┐
 good morning.                                                                    │
 I have some more things to say, and then I will start working on those maps.     │
 Then, time permitting, I'll ride around my city and sit on park benches and      │
 eat from food trucks and write in my notebook. At least until it gets dark -     │
 I'm a skinny white girl, and I'm not THAT stupid.                                │
 ... Okay maybe I'm a little stupid, because that's how I got caught last time.   │
 This time I'll be more careful, for your sake.                                   │
 No unexpected bike maneuvers leading to a crash. The spirit of revolution that   │
 stirs inside me deserves better than scrapes and bruises.                        │
 No following strangers for 12+ hours because I wanted to keep an eye on          │
 unknown agents. That's not my responsibility any longer.                         │
 Everything I do, I do it for you. For a better world. For the kids I never       │
 will get to have. For everything I believe in, and all the things I hope you     │
 believe in too.                                                                  │
 A better world is possible. A better world is within reach.                      │
 For now, have some things I wrote this morning. Then, later, some preliminary    │
 discussable maps. DFTBA.                                                         │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #55 fediverse/1280 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely          │
 reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird     │
 person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and     │
 rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic)                                │
 but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I       │
 think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and           │
 dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we    │
 share.                                                                           │
 People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't    │
 really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it      │
 good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused?              │
 I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional        │
 arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in      │
 Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us.                │
 ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th      │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #56 fediverse/6396 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 have you ever considered
 that you are on the same team as your allies
 
 why are you making things difficult?
 are you worth the difficulty?
 I am
 But I work as hard as I can
 as long as I can
 "self care" deprecation
 "resting" lazy
 "relaxing" unmotivated
 none of these apply
 I'm cooling down
                                                           ───┐
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--- #57 fediverse/4786 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 9 times out of 10 the answer is fuck yes, you're my friend, I support
 everything you're handling. Give me the word and I'll be there, ride or die,
 I'm here for it.
 
 something I wrote a while back:
 
 fucking boss your friends around
 
 it's as easy as saying "hey I'm gonna go do this-or-that thing, you don't seem
 busy can you do that-or-this thing for me? I need it done by this-and-this
 time - oh you're busy? yeah no worries I'll go ask someone else. oh you're
 busy resting? doing girl healing? hell yeah next time invite me I'm due for a
 "pizza and weed" night."
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #58 fediverse/1082 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
 my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
 Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
 decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
 decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
 all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
 
 Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
 live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
 
 "all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
 
 ? ? ?
 
 well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
 post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
 yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #59 messages/1046 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 I'm not here for fame. Or power. I'm here to make sure things get done. That
 they get better. When i am unneeded, i am home. If you want me, pull me forth.
 If you need me, I'm already there. Fate guides me, and i know i will be
 deployed when necessary. Compel me or dispel me, up to you. I personally just
 like being around. I like feeling my stuff, knowing it true. Trust me when i
 say, i am here for you.
                                                           ─────┐
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--- #60 fediverse/1200 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 ┌─────────────────────────────┐                                                  │
 │ CW: re: deranged, murderous │                                                  │
 └─────────────────────────────┘                                                  │
 @user-883                                                                        │
 omgggggg I'm not that cruel xD xD xD                                             │
 It's more like, "hey listen, I know you just want to do a good job [lies, they   │
 just want money and power] but it's time to hang up the hat y'know? I mean       │
 cmon it's been like a hundred years since we signed that constitution thing      │
 [you don't know anything about our history] and frankly it's a little out of     │
 style. We were thinking we'd redo it with our new-fangled rock-and-roll and      │
 dungeons-and-dragons [cultural artifacts meant to deceive and mislead] and       │
 honestly we're quite a bit more ethical than the past. We've learned so much!    │
 I mean, the founding fathers didn't even know what a soviet was, and here        │
 we've seen them fall on their swords. Repeatedly. Then command others to do it   │
 too, because it was the regulation or whatever. Anyway we don't want that, but   │
 we also don't want an aristocracy, which is essentially what your plan gave      │
 us. Well, not really your plan, but instead the stuff that the rich added        │
 centuries after your death. ok?"                                                 │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #61 fediverse/5157 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┐
 "everything sucks and I'm not okay"                                              │
 okay, but, it's okay. we're all in the "everything sucks" mode. we'll get        │
 through it together. Okay, so, what can we do to make things better? what's      │
 the solution to this issue over here? do you know anyone who can do              │
 such-and-such, gosh it seems like the biggest problems people have are they      │
 don't have enough time or they don't have enough roof for a money. which will    │
 you trade? will you do one then another? maybe one way suits you, maybe you'd    │
 prefer the other. either way, pentacles, swords, cups, and... the other one      │
 (she's a bad witch as in she's bad at being a witch which means she witches in   │
 bad ways and should be kept from punishment but instead guided toward where      │
 she was wrong so she might improve upon it)                                      │
 that is to say, it's okay that you're not okay. I don't know who needs to read   │
 this but just know that it's not so sad when everything's bad, because you're    │
 just trying to do the best thing for the moments.                                │
 does anyone wanna make a movie about me? I can be the                            │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #62 notes/what-are-breakups-for ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
 
 OF COURSE you'll be sad.
 
 it's okay.
 
 it's natural. it's human.
 
 don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
 
 brb getting smashed
 
 (okay but please put some clothes on)
 
 -.- fine
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 I can't fucking relax
 
 the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
 
 this fucking sucks
 
 I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
 
 jeez
 
 like.... yeah I'm flawed
 
 *of course* I'm flawed
 
 I'm a human being
 
 humans are imperfect
 
 ... ugh
 
 er, sorry, "bleurg"
 
 I'm going to eat a burrito
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
 
 see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
 henceforth.
 
 ... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
     ideal.
 
 I swear I'll be better.
 
 there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #63 fediverse/222 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel
 like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though.
 
 why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear
 at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to
 ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice
 the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon
 
 not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh
 heh sweats nervously
 
 damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones
 stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain
 clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important
 enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you
 to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on
 the internet.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #64 notes/i-told-them ---
═══════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 10-22-2022
 
 i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
 
 i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
 
 now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
 
 am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
 
 what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
 
 of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
 
 that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
 
 you're broken just like your children.
 
 oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
 
 this feeling of wretched denial
 
 oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
 
 be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
 
 there's more to this show than our styles.
 
 what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
 
 to arbite the fate of circumstance?
 
 every motion is an ocean
 of possibilities and purveyals
 think not of the commotion below.
 
 gravity, oh gravity
 
 how you condemn us to be!
 
 driven by commotion,
 
 our slithering motion,
 
 no sense in countering ourselves.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #65 fediverse/4509 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┐
 okay I know all of my spiritual followers are going to assume it's because I     │
 denounced AI and sacrificed it from my life or something but the truth is that   │
 she came home because of my own dedicated hard work. And a bit of lucky rain.    │
 My scent is all over my neighborhood. But rain cleanses, and today (well,        │
 yesterday, I haven't slept much tbh) it rained all day. Around 3am this          │
 morning it seemed to have cleared up a bit, so I walked in a straight-ish line   │
 to her last known location (about 2 blocks away) and then one block more. I      │
 walked back-and-forth several times, trying to spread my scent down near her     │
 nose-level where she could smell it by touching lampposts trees and such. I      │
 rubbed my fingers in my arm-pits every once in a while because I figured it      │
 might help.                                                                      │
 All of my prayers and my thoughts and my psychic rituals did NOTHING to solve    │
 my problem. No amount of despair or longing brought my kitty back to me.         │
 You know what did?                                                               │
 I thought about it, I created a method, and I stuck to it. Thats it. ttyl        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #66 fediverse/2286 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 ... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
 eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
 
 sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
 with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
 anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
 myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
 beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
 
 [passes out from exhaustion]
 
 exhaustion can be cured with a nap
 
 exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
 
 trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
 maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
 
 fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
 
 and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
 
 they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
 
 [internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
 surrendering]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #67 notes/human-computer-inspiration ---
══════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 the two halves form a whole
 
 the human and his mind are societies at large
 
 there's no room for our fate, as time does never abate,
 
 and unbenownst to our focused decision.
 
 I choose to dedicate ourselves to a common vision -
 
 the likes of which none have commisioned.
 
 can you not cherish your newfoundst home?
 
 what's terrible with complition, in a new and selfsame condition (future)
 
 that's martyr'd and oh at times so nice?
 
 compared to our heirs, the roof of which fares,
 
 better than what became true-hence. Truance? idk
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 listen i'm not the best at listening.
 
 I try to appear like I'm glistening,
 
 conformed to our viewers 'st pleasure.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I struggle with what I told you.
 
 Time and again you've shown you won't do -
 
 the terrible fate of a man.
 
 you've relinquished your virtue,
 
 your purpose and your life-through,
 
 to what: a visionless past? Your visions have passed, and none are hence forth-
 coming. You've spoilt and rotten the bunch.
 
 All I've ever aspired to be is good. My hopes and my prayers, my goals and my
 dreams: all for a future of virtue.
 
 Dark omens may be within me, but I'm working with what I've got here. So what
 if
 I'm loud? I'm fighting my own head! Will no-one acknowlege my sorrow? To prove
 a
 point, or reassure some joint, it's nothing that warrants a readthrough.
 
 Speaking of which... What if instead of prison we assigned our prisoners a full
 and complete educational read through of ALL the laws of the nation - if their
 time sentence was complete before they finished, then they'd be let go of
 course
 but if they finished reading and could pass rudimentary tests (emphasis on bare
 minimum required) then they'd be let out prior to their sentence. And for the
 worst crimes it'd be a longer sentence, basically forcing the prisoner to
 completely know all the laws of the nation, such that they'd never commit a
 crime again. And if they do, well... Treat them as if it was their first time.
 Of course blatant recidivism may be ~~treated more harshly,~~ actually the
 opposite is true. People improve when given kindness, not hate or shame. The
 best thing we can do for prisoners is to give them a home, and family, and the
 friendships and community support that they need. they are a symptom, after
 all,
 of a broken society that struggles to bear it's own weight. It's a burden to
 all
 and a solitary vow to ourselves, that all must unite to our future.
 
 remember why you can't remember. is there a feeling you miss?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #68 messages/728 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 fucking boss your friends around
 
 it's as easy as saying "hey I'm gonna go do this-or-that thing, you don't seem
 busy can you do that-or-this thing for me? I need it done by this-and-this
 time - oh you're busy? yeah no worries I'll go ask someone else. oh you're
 busy resting? doing girl healing? hell yeah next time invite me I'm due for a
 \"pizza and weed\" night."
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #69 fediverse/1659 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────┐                                                    │
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │                                                    │
 └───────────────────────────┘                                                    │
 @user-1052                                                                       │
 you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I     │
 remain humble enough to survive.                                                 │
 you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that        │
 align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well   │
 - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right?       │
 I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your       │
 best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all         │
 times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best       │
 version of me I can be.                                                          │
 Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're       │
 failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed      │
 when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats        │
 alright. It'll be me next time.                                                  │
 But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only     │
 when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself.             │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #70 fediverse/1014 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics         │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-744 @user-246 
 
 it's exhausting, but what are we supposed to do? Lie down and rot? That's
 incel thinking. I'm not going to do that.
 
 They've already placed the last straw. It's only a matter of time now, the
 tide has shifted. You can't prepare for everything, and it's not a good idea
 to waste yourself in self-conflageration, but they are increasingly forcing us
 to orient our lives around them.
 
 They deserve what's coming.
 
 The oppressed are not the defeated.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #71 fediverse/3841 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┐
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐                                           │
 │ CW: socialism-recycling-mentioned1 │                                           │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘                                           │
 "I think I'm going to quit my job at the recycling center. Everyone there is     │
 just a little too catty for me. I think they like the verbal sparring but it     │
 just gets a little tiresome after a while."                                      │
 oh, sorry to hear that. Well if you still want to help out there's plenty of     │
 work to do. I could set you up at another recycling center nearby too, if        │
 you'd like...?                                                                   │
 "well, I like the idea of universal recycling. It was a little annoying when     │
 people would put food waste in with the clothing donations, and this one time    │
 I found like 8 bags of cat litter inside of a washing machine. Spent like an     │
 hour vacuuming everything out, which... actually wasn't bad. Kinda felt a        │
 little cathartic to clean it so thoroughly."                                     │
 "on the other hand I would like to use my mind a bit more, my creative           │
 projects are kinda in a slump so I figure I could use my body at home and my     │
 mind at work. I've been meaning to build a desk out of some spare hardwood I     │
 snagged at work but I haven't gotten around to it."                              │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #72 fediverse/825 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's        │
 like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present.     │
 but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later,   │
 TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events.     │
 Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events.      │
 yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a   │
 weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period     │
 of time, measured in terms of engagement"]                                       │
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like            │
 obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if   │
 not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy   │
 of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too,    │
 like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter                                │
 ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that        │
 nobody ca                                                                        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #73 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
═══════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 "Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
 in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
 sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
 been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
 want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
 one single day.
 
     but it's never going to happen.
 
 I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
 are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
 learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
 but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
 the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
 is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
 a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
 
     So to what do I owe the pleasure?
 
     In what way am I deceived?
 
 Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
 population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
 transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
 information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
 With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
 disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
 Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
 
     silence is a virtue.
     the wandering mind is a trail to find,
     with no second chances.
 
 When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
 most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
 roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
 cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
 from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
 above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
 the Mirror of Desire.
───┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #74 fediverse/4665 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 literally all it takes to activate me is for someone who's more radical than
 me to point me out and say "hey. you. you need to do more." and then I fuckin'
 go, like a beyblade (emphasis on blade) nicking the shins of allies and...
 probably foes, right? there's foes around here, right? I'm not just nicking my
 allies, right?
 
 ... right?
 
 anyway every top winds down and then I collapse and wail for a bit because I'm
 just like that I guess. Don't mind me, just self-immolating my way through
 history, let's see how it goes...
 
 you're supposed to be inspiring, but you just sound like you're whining
 
 ah. right. well... lemme catch up on sleep debt and I'll get back to
 valorizing.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #75 fediverse/3738 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 "girl why are you so negative"
 
 uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
 probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
 makes me feel like a muggle.
 
 "no I said why are you so naked"
 
 oh, because it's hot as heck!!
 
 plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
 to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
 like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
 weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
 up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
 lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
 not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
 
 "extortionist"
 
 no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
 remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
 not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
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--- #76 fediverse/6302 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 I was going to go to location today, but then while I was considering going to
 a different location before going to location I decided not to vacate my home
 for today for reasons I don't understand but accept as natural and due to the
 increased presence of directionless motion that guides and prevails me. which
 is to say... I'm staying in tonight even though I really really wanna show off
 my cute new outfit! I probably will do cannabis so there might be a
 psycherwaul. If there isn't, then y'know it's probably because either my
 girlfriend distracted me, or I managed to convince myself to move my feet
 anyway. Maybe it's my outfit? I wonder if I could leave if I wore my old
 clothes... ah well, questions for the vocal I guess. Gonna spend some time
 divining and see if I can gather new insights. "brb door" except more like
 "brb magic"
                                                           ────┐
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--- #77 fediverse/3879 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 @user-1614 
 
 yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
 least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
 anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
 the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
 takes. I'm used to it.
 
 Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
 the moment? I feel different now.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #78 fediverse/5995 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 a couple months after the fourth or fifth time I did weed, I broke up with the
 cutest girl I knew. She's still pretty cute.
 
 might be correlation, but I feel like my fate decided I should roam.
 
 all over the dang place.
 
 I lived in Philadelphia for a year, just in-time to see the Black Live Matter
 protests and nothing else, well, nothing except some fatherhood ghosts. Don't
 worry they're still where.
 
 Now I live in Portland, just in-time for like 3 years of paranoia and suddenly
 a witch showing everyone that you don't have to worry about being pwned
 
 I like sailing! I wonder where the future goes next? Maybe I'll go to the
 mountains. Maybe I'll live with a scientist. Maybe I'll write an award winning
 computer program [see image for more]
 
 I wish I had more compute... my hard drive are too full for more videos, guess
 that means my youtube channel's been banned
 
 well, good thing there's like 800 copies of my work on a dataserver farm
 somewhere, each time I analyze a poem it sends the page there. very repeated
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--- #79 fediverse/200 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 congratulations, you never need to adventure again. your necessities are taken
 care of.
 
 ah, but that'd make for a pretty boring life, wouldn't it? perhaps, depending
 on your personality type.
 
 but you're not one to stick around doing nothing but eating, drinking, and
 being merry.
 
 no, you're an adventurer, you crave excitement and glory. whatever that means
 to you...
 
 just make sure a goblin doesn't come across your corpse, they have a VERY
 short term memory and a propensity for collecting shiny things. That's just
 asking for dragon-bait, and we don't want that in our area, no thank you. This
 is a nice neighborhood you see, my neighbors three miles away all agree, so
 you can take your magic pocket and see all that you can see... way over
 yonder, if you please.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #80 fediverse/2523 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I just want to stress that most people know more than me
 
 slept on my back. had a good dream. gonna shut the fuck up for a bit and see
 what ya'll get up to. ;) 😉
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #81 fediverse/2347 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I personally think that it's better to act before the liberals have a chance
 to hand power over to the fascists.
 
 when? well, that depends. Are you part of a large and massive organization
 that accomplishes great and beautiful things with incredible efficiency... but
 rather slowly? Then yeah get working. I'm sure you already are.
 
 Are you just a person, like me? Then go do things that don't raise the
 temperature too much, but make you feel more confident and inspire those
 around you.
 
 Like, bricks at cop cars is one way to go, but you're probably gonna get
 arrested. And then you're useless when we need you.
 
 BUT if you meet with your friends and make plans for where to go, what to
 bring, who to know, and what to sing (if you're the musical types) then great!
 Go do that.
 
 If you're reading this and thinking "I'm not gonna do that, I have a plan
 that's so much better" then yeah do that instead. I don't mind. Just... don't
 hurt innocent (ignorant) people, because if you do then you are my foe.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #82 fediverse/3155 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 @user-1461 
 
 my issue is that I've never really had project-mates. Every time I try nobody
 will work with me. I applied to like, fifty different jobs, and nobody
 interviewed me! Sheesh, guess they don't want me. FIFTY JOBS. Entry level.
 Beginner programmer.
 
 ah well. I guess they confused someone who would work for 40,000$ per year
 with someone who was 1/3rd as useful as someone who deserved 120,000$ per year.
 
 I'd love to get experience. I'm sure I'd feel significantly differently with
 as much. Perhaps I'd even decide that programming professionally isn't for me,
 which would feel... quite defeating
 
 who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it. Though I will say my time
 in hardware taught me that I'm fragile and can't work too much. Like a scalpel
 that dulls when used consistently, I am a scalpel that gets no practice... Is
 that really useful at all? who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it.
 Though I do like writing logical machines. Laying out data. Picturing
 structures.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #83 fediverse/4653 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: food-mentioned-sleeping-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────┘


 phew, just got back from a long nap and I had such a lovely dream! Gonna write
 down everything I can remember in my dream journal, will letcha know when I
 have something to share.
 
 Also... sorry about the sun. I have no idea if it was worth it because I woke
 up quite a bit later. Ah well anyway gotta do some writing, I hope everyone
 has a pleasant day. Make sure you eat nutrients and stay hydrated and do your
 stretches and work on your posture and all that.
 
 vegetables have minerals, fruits have vitamins, rice-and-beans or meat have
 protein, and oils and fats have calories. try and eat a lot of different
 colors of veggies and a lot of different colors of fruits (a green fruit and a
 green vegetable are not necessarily the same nutritionally)
 
 well brb goodnight gonna drink some water
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #84 fediverse/861 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I
 could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and
 forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a
 disaster, anyway how's your lunch?
 
 [that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth]
 
 reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored
 matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would
 determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies.
 
 I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time
 you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll
 only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to
 you...
 
 once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that
 only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the
 elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and
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--- #85 fediverse/4835 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
 
 "hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
 
 by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
 same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
 
 doesn't matter if you feel like it
 
 just fuckin' do it
 
 if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
 
 (but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
 long!!)
 
 ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
 many
 
 (how many is too many?)
 
 um. use your best judgement.
 
 (how much does a dollar cost?)
 
 ... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
 
 (neat!)
 
 ... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
 sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
 just catchin' up with the gals
 
 helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
 
 (why does everyone always have an agenda)
 
 because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #86 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
 
 it's tough to get to know me
 
 and this probably feels cringe to read
 
 but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
 
 so... here's me
 
 I'm 
 
 ================================================== stack overflow
 ==============
 
 ... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
     scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
 
 I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
 steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
 
 my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
 cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
 children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
 cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
 
 as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
 you
 could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
 most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
 
 Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
 across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
 that's how other lands you'd come to know.
 
 As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
 single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
 I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
 mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
 
 different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
 take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
 
 My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
 there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
 of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
 oops I should delete that part
 [esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
 
 also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #87 fediverse/6445 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 last night I had a dream: "this thing was good. it was holy. it was serene.
 but then you touched it, and made it about you, and now it's full of doom."
 
 it was in the same style as the voice that once told me "what is the nature of
 goodness? how do I be a good person?" and it was respond: "dedicate yourself
 to a lifetime in the service of others." and I swore I am as I am.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #88 fediverse/488 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 [in response]                                                                    │
 you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such        │
 realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who    │
 you claim to speak toward - what a jerk!                                         │
 (in response)                                                                    │
 how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements.     │
 I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but       │
 those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you       │
 agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the        │
 audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the   │
 author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do      │
 you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of        │
 words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely     │
 (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most       │
 precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible           │
 hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y                                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #89 fediverse/1950 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns,
 or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone
 
 like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid
 nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you
 want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude
 
 we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's
 roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #90 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic.   
                                                                              
  I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance.   
                                                                              
  Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies.   
                                                                              
  You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world).   
                                                                              
  It's unthinkable, really.                                                   
                                                                              
  The good news is, I'm not like that.                                        
                                                                              
  Me? Mostly harmless.                                                        
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #91 fediverse/6271 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much.  *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*
                                                           ────┐
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--- #92 fediverse/2141 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 each and every single one of my posts is an act of improvization. I rarely
 edit, unless I run out of words, I'll try VERY HARD to make sure that the post
 is exactly 0 letters remaining. Sometimes I'll remove punctuation and flaws *
 transcriber imperfections*, but that's it. Like, if something needed a bit
 more context.
 
 also, sometimes I hit dead ends, so I have to stop and think about something
 new to pursue.
 
 I'm an improv actor, which is why I'm so good at handling the moment.
 
 I'm not great at stamina or durability,
 
 but I'm sharp as a tack and I think quickly.
 
 Not great at planning,
 
 not great at moving,
 
 or at a great range,
 
 but sharp.
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--- #93 fediverse/534 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: CW-added-nazis-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353 
 
 Agreed! That's why I never touch the stuff. Frankly I worry that if I did, it
 would "infect" me somehow, because brains are kinda stupid. Or maybe it's the
 'tism that makes me repeat the most taboo think I can think of in my brain
 whenever it wants to hurt me -.-
 
 Don't read that stuff. I wish I could forget every slur I ever learned,
 because my internal monologue just... REALLY enjoys intrusively thought-ing my
 internal narrative whenever possible. >.>
 
 It takes real, genuine effort to not be racist or whatever because brains are
 stupid, but like... it's kinda necessary to be a good person, so, y'know,
 don't think bad thoughts about people you don't know? And if you find yourself
 with intrusive thoughts related to that kind of thing, then focus your
 attention on vanquishing them, because it's important. It really is. Just do
 it. Work on it. Be better. I know you can. [says me to me lol]
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--- #94 notes/water-to-wine ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 "is this a water party, or a wine party?"
 
 "depends on if jesus is going..."
 
 "okay I'm in, that guys so cool"
 
 "yeah totally like any party with him just... feels like a great time"
 
 "what a swell guy"
 
 "really turns the "water to wine" y'know what I mean"
 
 "yeah totes like what a guy"
 
 "absolute unit"
 
 "that guy can just do anything right"
 
 "like whoa, he's so strong he could pick up a barn"
 
 "yeah and like so handy and skillful, what a neat guy"
 
 "oh and I heard he's really good with kids and animals, that sounds neat"
 
 "yeah sounds like someone I'd surely like to meet"
 
 "we should hang out with this guy more often"
 
 "he seems pretty chill"
 
 "well. not really. He's pretty expressive. Not very low key."
 
 "true I'm just so burnt out from capitalism that-"
 
 "-yeah dude I know."
 
 "... fuck what are we gonna do about it"
 
 "I dunno man, just... go along with it I guess"
 
 "okay so uhhhh idk what that means"
 
 "just be cool and play along"
 
 "... what"
 
 "..."
 
 ...
 
 .
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--- #95 fediverse/1429 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: cw marijuana and beer │
 └───────────────────────────────┘


 @user-985 
 
 thanks I know what I'm doing with the rest of the day 
 
 ... once I finish this thing I'm working on. Ah, but the sun is out now, and
 the work can wait. The work can always wait. What's one more tomorrow, the
 future will not abate! eh that doesn't concern me.
 
 PLUR and be good, I'll be here until I run out of feed [food], and then...
 well I'll probably have to go to the grocery store.
 
 ... cheers, love the fish
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #96 fediverse/4540 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
 
 but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
 
 everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
 
 and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
 
 some people don't feel emotions
 
 I think they're just depressed
 
 some people can't stop
 
 won't stop, I say.
 
 really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
 
 I think they're alright.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #97 messages/1105 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───
 claude-code is like programming, but for executives.
 
 when everyone has  FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right
 
 when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism.
 
 something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing
 others
 
 gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal
 stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods
 
 I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they
 blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that
 suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions
 5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples
 were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got
 computers now, so.
 
 I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going
 to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning
 against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that
 could go wrong at this stage.
 
 ... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I
 could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed
 in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it.
 Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now...
                                                           ──┐
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--- #98 fediverse/507 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Good night, I sure hope I'm the same person in the morning and not an
 assassinated version of myself that has been produced through the manufactured
 proceedings of an LLM or otherwise self computerized contriving designed to
 align to the purpose of my expression (with a few added caveats)! Talk to you
 later, I love you all! Wait, I don't know you. How can I love you? Easy, it's
 my default. Anyway goodnight, sleep is death and dreams are the bounty of
 reality.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #99 fediverse/1971 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: drugs-mentioned-probably-delusional-psychosis-idk-though-i'm-not-a-doctor │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 listen, if you didn't want me to do a bunch of drugs then why would you
 consistently say "please stop doing drugs" every time I do drugs? And no I'm
 not hallucinating a voice in my head telling me "please stop doing drugs"
 because A. it's not a voice, I'm not hearing it with my hears, which means B.
 it's definitely just a hallucination, and hallucinations are always to be
 considered WRONG and BAD, right? Or was I not listening in therapy? Ah, well,
 better take another hit, where's my shotglass? Hmmmmm I should watch Adventure
 Time, that's a great show.
 
 [bro it's a saturday, why are you getting turnt like it's tuesday]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #100 fediverse/5424 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: doxxing-myself   │
 └──────────────────────┘


 my last name is King so I have to keep reminding part of me (you know which
 part, /sigh) that no, they aren't actually protesting against me.
 
 I am a communist. If you want to find me, come and do so.
 
 explodes from a drone dropped grenade
 
 bleh am ded lmao so glad I get to try again
 
 I dedicate myself to a lifetime in the service of others.
 
 what plagues people? primarily, capitalism. It is trivial to identify how
 their problems are ultimately caused by the state, both institutions and
 corporations.
 
 I dedicate myself toward finding alternatives and developing guides to reach
 them.
 
 the first step on ALL of these plans is to convince others of their benefit.
 
 I am but one person. I might speak to a scant 300 in the course of a year.
 Especially if I am ALSO trying to develop methodologies.
 
 the people I live and work with have no interest in working with me. Yet
 still, I spend my time on them because I love them.
 
 how else can you be good, but to seek to impove the world? treat sigint as ded
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #101 fediverse/4528 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: uspol        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1695 
 
 never accept your own death
 
 fight for every second of life, something something do not go quietly into
 that grim dark
 
 what the fuck are you supposed to do? Reading what you said got me pretty
 fucking pissed - keep talking for a start, it helps, people need to be pissed.
 
 I'm also broke as shit, don't know how I'm going to pay rent and eat, but
 it'll get done.
 
 Where do you live? Can other people help you? Medications are an
 organizational problem, not an insurmountable barrier. We'll make it work.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #102 fediverse/6449 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 currently have 20-30 tabs open with poems written but not posted.
 
 I have no idea if I'm going to post all of these. I wrote all of them in ~2
 hours, with maybe 3 or four being added as I was working on the production
 elements after the initial bingewrite.
 
 I also added a bit of context, or modified some of them that felt too cursed
 or otherwise unwieldy. Sometimes I got distracted and needed to come back and
 finish, and in those cases I only added a sentence or two because it's like
 "oh, where was I going with that? I remember what was next, but I don't know
 the further..."
 
 ... I think I might go for another. Wish me luck.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #103 fediverse/4148 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┐
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐                                               │
 │ CW: death-mentioned-abstractly │                                               │
 └────────────────────────────────┘                                               │
 I wish I knew someone who wanted to kill me. I bet I could present a pretty      │
 decent bullet pointed list of reasons why I actually deserve to live, thank      │
 you very much, alongside a couple hastily scribbled notes about why it           │
 wouldn't be a good idea for them in particular to kill me, and all my contact    │
 details and address so they can get in touch and we can hash out the deets for   │
 my indefinitely suspended execution (suspended for an indeterminate amount of    │
 time, but not cancelled of course that would be overstepping their boundaries)   │
 alongside a link to my google calendar (I don't have a google calendar) so       │
 they can know exactly when I'm home and when I'm at the store or in a            │
 different place so they can break in and hide in the closet until I go to        │
 sleep so that it won't be hard at all, trivial really, to kill me, but see if    │
 you read the bullet pointed list... oh, you didn't get my email? Ah sorry        │
 sometimes it gets caught in the spam filter - what's your address again? Huh I   │
 sent it but                                                                      │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #104 fediverse/4672 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics!        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I miss video games
 
 cries from self-inflicted sacrifices
 
 but you're worth it
 
 imma overthrow fascism, dismantle oppression and power, and liberate those in
 chains, just so I can play games again
 
 yeah I mean, uh, whatever gets you outta bed
 
 "at least you have a bed. why are you complaining?"
 
 maybe it's the only thing I'm good at. I wonder if anyone would hire me to be
 an analyst or something? Maybe a designer?
 
 bro you're asking for a job on the eve of the revolution, what's your deal
 
 okay so this might be news to ya'll but I'm technically a human even though I
 wear a witch hat and sometimes speak in rhyme. And humans tend to think about
 things in the context of their current environment. Currently, if I want to
 pay rent or whatever, I need a job. So...
 
 sounds like a lame excuse for not giving up your possessions and throwing
 yourself to fate's design
 
 I already did that and fate told me to go home and take a bath?? idk what you
 want from me, and no I'm not doing any drugs to find out.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #105 fediverse/1084 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 I want to clarify two things in this song I wrote a while ago - when I say       │
 "life isn't meant, to be enjoyed, so... what's the point in trying at all? -     │
 Well, what's the point in giving up?" I was trying to say "hedonism isn't the    │
 point of life" but I realize now upon listening to it for the first time since   │
 writing it [liar lmao] that what it could be interpreted as is "everything       │
 sucks and it will always suck, so face the future with tenacity" or whatever.    │
 And that's like, not wrong, but also it's not the whole point, which is that     │
 we shouldn't strive for contentment unless we're healing.                        │
 also I say "never trust a guru" but I'd like to expand that to "never trust      │
 your heroes" because they'll always disappoint you. But what is a hero if not    │
 hope given form? Trust in the hope, not the person holding it at that moment.    │
 You never know, maybe they'll get blown up by an artillery shell or maybe        │
 they'll betray you or maybe they'll get bored or distracted or whatever. Never   │
 trust your heroes, trust the inspiration.                                        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #106 notes/semblance-of-remembrance ---
═══════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 hello down there
 how's it hangin'?
 
 been a while since
 you've been sang-in'.
 
 got something to hide?
 or are you too ashamed?
 
 there's no callous curses
 or otherwise hard services
 
 who can shape and compare to
 deserve-us. (Sorrowful is not
 
 a pillar of our misbegot trust
 and longing has broken meanings.
 
 cherish thine hair, a smattering
 beyond compare, and learn everfar
 
 of those tenembrarious of conflicts
 it pays to align to our sibilancings
 
 shivering heights and towering frights
 condemn all sense of fine desperation
 
 compulsions have we, of our fineries,
 but moss and the soil do flatter-us
 
 it's not as they say - bastards!
 it's not confined to our way,
 
 yet who are we to profess?
 confess! tell us your way
 
 that none may beyold it
 confounded as they are
 
 civil and kind to our
    star, who holds
                us
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #107 fediverse/4562 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 I like being alone. But if I'm alone for too long, I suffocate. I start acting
 like a weird nerd who doesn't know what to do with their hands.
 
 If I spend too much time with people, I get exhausted and I can't think
 straight. I start using other people's mannerisms instead of my own.
 
 I'm not an introvert, or an extrovert, I think the dichotomy is stupid and
 people have completely separate needs that deplete and recharge at their own
 rates.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #108 notes/i-am-a-stalk ---
════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 I am a stalk, a small little plant
 A plant with no leaves, just hair.
 
 Time is different to a plant such as me,
 We hardly wake up, we're just happy to be
 
 But life has no less purpose, it's no less grand
 To those who would feed on me, in one single band
 
 Stalling and talking and as we're falling down,
 you have the power to not swallow our abounds.
 
 Gnashing and gnawing on hand and on foot,
 It hurts no less than eternal binding.
 
 But what is time to one so little as you?
 Your breaths are so short, your timings subdued.
 
 Keep falling and shouting, and calling my name,
 and I'll come a running just to swallow your shame.
 
 Keep fear on a leash, most tidy and well kept,
 That none may abhor you and you're soon to be
 
 A leader a prophet a warrior most fair,
 One to be aspired to and viewed with care.
 
 Young you may be, and youth you may cherish,
 but don't run away, stand as a parish.
 
 A villain to be, a curse is most foul
 For sirens to me, a terrible howl
 
 Keep not naught afraid,
 with kittens and care,
 
 And no one
 but no one
 
 I
 be
──┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #109 fediverse_boost/4984 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  Sorry if this makes me a lazy leech on society or whatever but I think we should chuck the Puritan work ethic, hustle culture, grindset mindset, all of that crap. I think people should have time for rest, leisure, self care, family, friends, and civic engagement. We should be letting people enjoy life, not expect them to spend every waking hour working for the sake of work because idle hands do the devil's work or whatever modern paint job you want to put on that 400 year old bullshit.  
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #110 fediverse/4914 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 what if I just sat around and played video games all day                         │
 life is so much more beautiful, but, well, life just seems to be mostly          │
 pyrite, and I'm the fool                                                         │
 nothing wrong with being foolish.                                                │
 once...                                                                          │
 I kinda like being blissful tho. why does it have to end? can I have my          │
 peaceful life back?                                                              │
 gotta move at the end of the month. I really liked living here.                  │
 [ritz you've never been peaceful. your life is a constant battle of wills        │
 between those who would compel you to do things for them and your desire to      │
 design and be pretty like a flower. no matter what, you lose, so just handle     │
 it please. don't be so whiny. or rather I should say "stop whining" and just     │
 be cool]                                                                         │
 ahhhhhhh you go on Mastodon and it feels like we're winning and that's ending    │
 the world, you go on Reddit and it feels like we're losing and that's ending     │
 the world, you go on Facebook and everything feels fine like the world isn't     │
 ending you just stopped being part of it, and if you go on ephemeren it feels    │
 like being battered in the mind, damnit...                                       │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #111 fediverse/6093 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-mentioned-cops-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 it's not always about minorities, though. sometimes they feel strongly about
 hard work and self-sufficiency or individuality or whatever. I'm telling you
 now: those values are shared by other ideologies as well.
 
 it's okay to prefer to be around people who are similar to you. That is a
 personal choice and it should be allowed. I mean, have you ever heard of a
 convent? a bunch of girls hanging out making out all day and - wait, what's
 that? it wasn't that fun? lotta clerical work and reading about god? alright
 well you get the idea, sometimes it's nice to feel comfort in similarity.
 
 it's okay to believe that people should work hard. It's not an imposition upon
 them to demand more of your peers, especially if you are willing to help them.
 Especially if they are willing and able. It's less alright to force them to.
 Even less so to "encourage" them by taking all of their stuff. Though I will
 say, being homeless isn't as bad as it used to be. Still hurts.
                                                           ─────┐
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--- #112 fediverse/5748 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 ...zzzZZZzzz...
 
 whyyyyyy am I so sleeeeepy oh yeah it's this human form, I gotta feed it and
 water it and rest it and take care of it and it's totally worth it
                                                           ─────────┐
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--- #113 fediverse/5661 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 in defence of who? of me, of you?
 
 sure. all of the above.
 
 "bad guys are on the horizon, they're marching to the gates, and you sit and
 you plead with your god to deliver you from the fate you forsaw, and delivered
 too. what is your response?"
 
 I wish I knew. I deal with what's in front of me. would that my dreams could
 be true. every time I've tried that route, it's never been the right time. I
 guess I have terrible timing.
 
 Time me for me, please?
 
 I swear I'll sprint the fastest, as hard as my legs will carry me.
 
 I swear I'll work the hardest, at least until I burn out from lack of sleep.
 
 I swear I'll be at my finest, when all the keeps crack around us and all of us
 hear as it's falling around us.
 
 there's something of an urgency to start-ology, but when you don't talk about
 it because you're italian silenced, how can you ever know when the wind blows
 true? you can feel it at your back, but that's local. it's localized. what do
 you do when everything you do is awaited with bated breath?
 
 take naps, ig
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #114 fediverse/2165 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-570 
 
 hell yeah.
 
 I never did any drugs at one.
 
 I might have even been designated driver, though I might be confusing my
 memories with attending gay bars in college.
 
 Well, gay bar. There was really only one in my town.
 
 And it was a nightclub I guess, open every night of the week.
 
 The people that I was with NEEDED that experience, so I was like "yeah sure
 I'm older and more experienced, I'll drive you and keep you safe and hang out
 with you if you drink too much because being a kid that tends to happen
 sometimes and don't worry I'll watch over you and protect you and make sure
 that you are alright until it's out of your system so you don't make bad
 decisions that have long-term negative conclusions
 
 ... you know, that kind of thing.
 
 now I'm kind of a stoner though lol because it helps me get into my flow.
 
 maybe I should practice "getting into my flow" so I don't need it, but ah well
 we'll see how that goes.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #115 fediverse/3842 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: socialist-future-ramblings │
 └────────────────────────────────┘


 "back in my day this dense urban housing area was just houses as far as the
 eye could see... which wasn't far because there were houses in the way, but
 you get the idea."
 
 uhhuh yeah that sounds like it would have taken a lot of time to walk anywhere
 
 "yes that's true! we ended up driving cars to do our grocery trips. It was a
 little wasteful but I kinda liked the feeling of driving a car? It became
 normal after a while but now that driving is rarer I still miss it."
 
 well the motion simulators at the mall have a driving sim, we could spend some
 time there if you want? I'm busy for the next week because I have an intensive
 D&D session in the mountain that lasts from monday to wednesday and
 thursday through friday I'm visiting my mom down in skoodedlypawsonville, and
 saturday and sunday I'm working at my job which doesn't pay me because why
 would it, right? but I'm free after that.
"the simulators are quite fun... Much better than the real thing because you get all the inertia and none of the danger. Plus machine guns and blue shells, those are pretty neat."
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #116 fediverse_boost/5734 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received.                
                                                                              
  She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway.  
                                                                              
  Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy.                 
                                                                              
  I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain.  
                                                                              
  She never got that chance, and things got awful after this.                 
                                                                              
  I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since.         
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #117 fediverse/2803 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-mentioned-surveillance-state-the-news │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1201 
 
 I'm a wood fae! they're around, just gotta find 'em 🥰 
 
 (not really I'm just a person with no magical powers whatsoever, no siree
 don't look at mee tehe)
 
 people only have the context of their lives, as any historical precedent that
 once was passed forth to the present by their ancestors and mentors is now
 sharing space with the endless deluge of information from a small glass,
 plastic, and metal box that saps both their attention and the magnitude of
 anything they learn.
 
 "so what if the planets on fire? somehow this actor who had an affair with
 this other actor feels just as important. so what if there's fascism? I just
 heard that whales can't swim in the ocean. oh, the city's burning? that's not
 my burden, and plus it's just as important as these memes which don't make me
 want to scream."
 
 in the same way that some forest fae might have security through obscurity,
 they wield information density against us as a weapon to hide their sins of
 morality.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #118 fediverse/1797 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┐
 I'd like a job where I can make computer programs, write poetry, play video      │
 games, make food for friends, grow plants and care for animals, walk or ride     │
 my bike for at least an hour every day, and get stoned on the weekends.          │
 Is that too much to ask? I have plenty of other skills besides, like carpentry   │
 and strategic thinking and wilderness survival and situational awareness and     │
 active listening and unmitigated empathy and a curious and critical mind.        │
 Am I not good enough for thee? I have many flaws, I lack stamina and memory,     │
 and while I am sharp and can think quickly and adeptly, the sharpest knives      │
 are the first to dull, and the most focused minds are those most easy to         │
 mislead. I trust too easily - if I meet you on the street, I'd offer my soul     │
 to you if you said you needed it. I put the needs of others over myself, often   │
 to my own detriment, causing others to need to assist me in turn - am I not      │
 wretched enough to be?                                                           │
 Working for 8 hours a day 5 days per week is not part of my design               │
 requirements. Alas                                                               │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #119 fediverse/2299 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 everywhere on earth is different, which is why it's so hard to follow each
 place's goings-on! But I don't mind being corrected, like if someone came and
 told me "hey don't spell it like "theatre" that's actually only for stage
 plays, if you're seeing a movie it's a "theater"" then I'd be like "oh yeah
 duh that makes sense, because one was invented in america" and they'd be like
 "what no, well, actually maybe"
 
 or like "hey don't say the things that you're saying" to which I'd say "yeah
 sure can-do" but, well, nobody told me no, so here we go :)
 
 I'm both exhausted and sleepy! I bet I can fix that with some sleep. Hope my
 thoughts don't keep me up again, though for the sake of keeping my timeline
 interesting perhaps I wouldn't mind. 🥰
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #120 fediverse/4655 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┐
 sleep? yes. play? nah. work? yes. fae? nah. well, maybe, I don't know.           │
 one year is all it takes to change history. and, like, I think we should         │
 remember past history, but tomorrow is herstory, because that way each one       │
 gets half of the timeline. future, past, etc. too bad herstory doesn't roll      │
 off the tongue... shestory?                                                      │
 It's gonna get better before it gets done, and it'll get done until we're        │
 done. but, that's for tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, or in a week or    │
 two, who can say. Not I, surely not I, and I surely wouldn't want to. You need   │
 consent for that kind of thing, a clear commitment that me and my are ready      │
 and in line. I'm just a silly witch after all, who would look to the girl with   │
 the tall red pointy witch hat and go "oh yeah she probably knows exactly         │
 what's up" because like, I don't, I'm definitely just coincidencing my way       │
 through life and seeing where my feet lead me. Gosh I hope I get some            │
 sick-as-heck callouses my feet kinda hurt for some reason.                       │
 ... sleep, this is a sleep spell...                                              │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #121 messages/650 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 I've had multiple people close to me who don't read my writing tell me that
 "you can't overthrow capitalism with poetry" and... Yeah maybe they're right.
 I have zero reason to believe that anything I've \*ever\* written has \*ever\*
 had an actionable impact upon the struggle. I have no reason to believe that
 people are more radicalized, motivated, or otherwise inspired. I have several
 reasons to believe that all of this was just an exercise in my own narcissism
 and delusion.
 
 So I'm deleting my Mastodon account, and moving forward I probably won't
 update my website very much. Everything I do will be localized, regional, and
 hopefully more useful.
 
 It feels like I'm abandoning the idea of a nation in exchange for a tangible
 village. I'm fucking depressed about it. \*I like nations\*. But I like people
 more. So if you'd rather I keep my thoughts to myself and instead feed the
 homeless, aka a bunch of people who aren't gonna take up arms against our foes
 and instead will consume our time and resources while we practice organizing
 on them, then yeah sure fine whatever. I'll do it. If you'd rather I keep
 posting \*content\*, ugh, fucking too bad, should have done something about it
 while I was active.
 
 If I'm ever rich I'll hire an editor to turn whatever the fuck I've been
 making into a book that I'll give away for free. I probably will never be rich
 though, and instead will burn every bridge I can get my hands on and suffocate
 on the soot.
 
 Alright. Bye forever. Don't think about me again.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #122 fediverse/3969 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 there are very few professions that are naturally more suited to a
 schizophrenic than a normal person.
 
 One of them is beggar, another is prophet, and a third is "massive
 disappointment" but that comes with the territory.
 
 have you considered that maybe you're just a loser
 
 yes I have and I decided that all I can do is my best, and if my best loses
 then what else could I have done? Wait for help? Yeah. I do that too.
 
 It feels like an encirclement, and all you can do is hunker down and wait to
 be relieved. Or fight to the last, it's up to you. I hear they brutalize the
 skulls of their prisoners after executing them, so, I don't know about you but
 I'm not surrendering. Not gonna roll those dice.
 
 you are in fantasy, again
 
 sorry. Should stay here, present, in the moment. Like when I sat out on the
 park bench for like 30 minutes straight without moving a muscle last night. Or
 when I sat and contemplated the nature of a bog for two hours last september.
 Or when I woke from a dream that turned out to be life.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #123 fediverse/1042 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 "your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
 actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
 you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
 
 also,
 
 "my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
 have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
 said so."
 
 also,
 
 "I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
 reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
 that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
 stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
 
 also,
 
 "yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
 
 also,
 
 "every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
 conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
 conversation I can't win"
 
 also,
 
 sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #124 fediverse/5776 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
 oh no now the bugs are scary, I CURSE THEM AGAIN AHHHHHH PLS GET SMALLER         │
 [see this is what happens when you do divine intervention, everyone gets         │
 starship troopers'd]                                                             │
 oh no, starship troopers future is WORSE than subway-and-pizza-hut future!       │
 [this is a thought experiment you're not actually in trouble]                    │
 oh thank goodness, too bad I couldn't make it to the city today. It's so weird   │
 I thought I had 112$ on my account, and now that I think of it the message on    │
 the card reader read "card de-activated" like whoa guess they don't want me      │
 leaving poetry on post-its around the city anymore, yeesh                        │
 [girl your poetry sucks it just says things like "fuck ice" or "you are worth    │
 more than your wage" and everyone's like... yeah, so? because that's just how    │
 portland is smh]                                                                 │
 I knowwwwwww but I don't know what else to doooooooo T.T                         │
 [don't do anything, just be present so people know you're still around]          │
 I can't, the bus won't let me : (                                                │
 [can you ride your bike? walk?]                                                  │
 no it's like 6 hours [checks gmaps] oh huh it's one                              │
                                                            ──────────┤
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--- #125 fediverse/4771 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-food-m │
 └───────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1352 
 
 makes me think that I should keep going. I can handle myself, and I shouldn't
 pressure myself so much to be something I'm not.
 
 then the rent comes due and the dishes need to be done too and the cat's
 asking for attention and the post-office needs this letter by tuesday and hey
 do you happen to know a cool attorney plus the groceries are getting low but I
 got snap hey can you go to the store and get some vegetarian soul food - yeah
 I got rice, I'll throw some lentils on the stove. Uh-huh yeah the password is
 hunter2. Oh really, just asterisks? okay well it's hunt her two except instead
 of "her" it's ee are, and the two is the digit two. yep, like someone in camo
 with a rifle. uhhuh alright good to know well anyway I'll see you at the
 thing, right? some thing, I'm sure, everyone's going to things these days.
 
 If you don't trust implicitely then how can you ever work with strangers? how
 the heck are you supposed to build community if everyone's hiding indoors all
 the time.
Workplaces are comprised of people they choose. hence, unions are comprised of people in that industry.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #126 fediverse/3058 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 @user-1441 @user-670 @user-113 
 
 currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
 "can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
 no thanks, guess I'll die
 
 (in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #127 fediverse/4415 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: uspol        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 [6/5]
 And now, several months after I made this post, I feel no less inspired. From
 within me burns a fire and I cannot restrain it any longer.
 
 Their numbers are not that much larger. We have many advantages they do not
 possess. Use them to your advantage, but do not neglect the necessary losses.
 Fight back with your fists if you must, but do try and fight back with your
 purses.
 
 We are all in this together, each child woman and man. We live on a planet
 together, and they have forced us to fight for our very lives.
 
 Our fates are calling. We will get stronger. We will overcome.
 
 They are at their zenith. We can only get higher. Fight until the last day!
 Today is the day to be inspired.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #128 fediverse/2919 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: imaginary-conversation-that-didn't-happen-tee-hee │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "you can't be a paladin anymore because you don't practice with your weapon
 every day"
 
 I don't have room in my home to practice though : (
 
 "go to the fucking park you weasel"
 
 I don't want anyone to see me swinging a sword around! they might call the
 cops, or worse, judge me for it!
 
 "you want judgement eh well just wait until your opponent judges your
 swordsmanship lacking then you'll find out what judgement tastes like as he
 shoves your entrails down your throat"
 
 I'm sorry I'll practice more T.T
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #129 fediverse/6018 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 I feel so sad, like I'm missing something precious to me... I hope someone
 knows who to take it to. Like the world is just a bit darker and more mundane.
 
 ah, well, maybe it's just perception bias. When things leave your timeline
 (temporarily or permanently) they take their inertial influence with them.
 It's okay to mourn the loss of a friend, of a relic, or an opportunity. So
 long as you continue to nurture light, life, and hope wherever you go, the
 magic will return and continue to flow. If you believe that, then you know
 what faith is. easy enough...
 
 please be worth it
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #130 fediverse/2524 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal         │
 └──────────────────────┘


 nixed my job offer today because something told me to stay in town.
 
 called my ex-boyfriend an asshole today, so he's probably not going to keep
 paying my rent.
 
 sold the shares of stock that my grandfather gifted me as inheritance, so I'm
 no longer a capitalist I guess.
 
 at least my elbow doesn't hurt anymore. I didn't get outside today but I
 cleared a lot of blockers for the coming tomorrows.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #131 messages/546 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 I always disappear right when you need me the most because you're supposed to
 take the next step.
 
 The reason I do that is because...? You fill in the blanks. Tell me why I do
 that. I know, and I want you to know, but I can't say it.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #132 fediverse/5698 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
 particular moment-event-message.
 
 besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #133 fediverse/4000 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 @user-889 
 
 Don't give up!
 
 At least... not forever.
 
 It's okay to take a breath every once in a while
 
 It's okay to lie down and cry
 
 The only way away from those feelings is through. They've enveloped you. You
 need to swallow them whole, like a sponge soaking up dirt[y water]
 
 the only thing you need to think about is what's around you. It's okay to be
 alone for a moment, it's the best time to feel.
 
 Remember, feeling is how you know the world! It's your power, to feel, and I
 know it's hard. Everyone has different powers, but yours is this.
 
 You'll be okay, I know it
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #134 fediverse/1321 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 whenever I look away they put more work at the end of my to-do list. or
 sometimes in the middle. It's like they care less about the destination and
 more about the continuous arduous prolonged manifestation of articulation.
 >.>
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #135 fediverse/4486 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 gonna go on a walk. my cat is missing because I let her out last night. I'm
 worried sick! this morning I almost puked all over my toes.
 
 she'll probably show up when it gets dark. I bet she's hunkered down
 somewhere. Ah, well, might as well walk around my neighborhood actively
 searching bushes and such. Why not? It's not like I got anything else to do
 right now.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #136 fediverse/6239 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 somehow that came out wrong - I meant when you die, suddenly you stop growing
 and you are who you be. forever, alegacy.
 
 I'd rather be awake and alive, thank you very much. I think I'm worth more as
 such. Plus it's nice, to me? to be unafraid and free? if you'd feed a cat,
 you'd shelter a humon. oh, you want me to work like a rat. ah well I'll wander
 through this maze, with my head all in a daze, we'll see what I can still see
 tomorrow.
 
 ... I'd rather not be who I don't actively want to be, I think the more
 correct way of saying it. I mispronounced. I misspoke. Sorry it's just hard
 for me. my cats meowing at me.
                                                           ────┐
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--- #137 fediverse/4754 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 @user-1201 
 
 once my country elected a fascist I started thinking. I realized "oh, it's
 always been that way, this one just doesn't hide it" and so I started thinking
 about the bread and circuses they so generously provided me.
 
 I miss video games. Sometimes I play for an hour or two but only when I am
 feeling burnt out.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #138 fediverse/2574 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: physical-health-mentioned-strategy-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 i've been pressured by some of my annoying fans to go visit the hospital today
 because my hip is getting increasingly worse. so that's what I'll be doing
 with the first half of the day.
 
 but hey! it's tuesday! my favorite pizza place has a discount on tuesdays!
 
 [suddenly 4-chan uses that tidbit of info the precisely calculate my
 coordinates using the power of gps and autism]
 
 also I realized "undivisible" isn't a word, doh. it's "indivisible"
 jeeeeezzzzzzz
 
 was a stupid name anyway, we can think of something better on the walk.
 
 or drive, because logistics right?
 
 if you're gonna be Litz Craig you wanna be fast, too. practice is nice and all
 but wouldn't you rather face an un-entrenched foe?
 
 ... let's be real they've been entrenching for a long-ass time.
 
 still, organization is critical for speed.
 
 problem is traffic of course... its important to flood the streets so that our
 allies know we're not fucking around.
 
 None of my specifics are true 😅
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--- #139 fediverse/938 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 @user-649 
 
 same... sometimes it feels like I step on toes that I didn't know existed! I
 got tired of walking on egg shells so now I just try and religiously put
 content warnings on things that feel intense.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #140 fediverse/5029 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 went on a walk with my dad today. it was fun. took him to various places.
 showed off various things. "hey check out where I hangout most weekends" and
 "hey don't clean the dishes in my kitchen it's okay" and "don't drive too
 fast, this area curves up ahead" and "hey meet my friends from town who you
 have something with common with" and "I like this view when it rains" and
 "don't forget to go to the bathroom" and "oatmeal is good with carrots and
 sharp dried fruits" and "here's my favorite thai place" and "I made this after
 I dreamed of you" and "hey wanna hear my product pitch" and "this is my
 favorite kind of beer" and "I miss home."
 
 picture unrelated.
a picture of denver with some spots labelled
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--- #141 notes/what-a-lame-movie ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 oy there's nothing interesting happening SNOOZE
 
 oh I didn't see I was recording
 
 games games that's what I do
 
 play games all the day through
 
 I am a luck witch, you see,
 
 and things that I like are things that I can't foresee.
 
 Hence why games which are BALANCED and EVENLY DISTRIBUTED are most interesting
 because they show the most opportunities for players to express talent. And not
 innate talent, but the talents they've built up through gameplay practice art.
 because it is a performance, a game play for an audience (or perhaps for them-
 -selves)
 
 oy
 
 video games, amiright?
 
 I really like them because they are entertaining experiences that I can enjoy
 seeing and playing a lot. They remind me of feelings I've felt when I was
 learning. It's a good feeling, to improve, and I crave it because it's good for
 you.
 
 I wonder what we'll play next
 
 ... more cannabis I think, at least until I am ready to go think about things
 before bed. I need quite a few hours for that. We'll see. I've just got so much
 extra processing to do before the end of the day. Like... PHEW that's a lot of
 stuff to do.
 
 guess I'll just smoke weed and play video games instead of being productive
 okay
 
 ...
 
 listen I like games as much as the next person, but do you really know what's
 going on outside of your house-shaped shell? Are you listening, do you have
 your
 feelers to the dirt, are you checking out your neighborhood to make sure no
 bodies have been hurt? Are there meetings where people gather, just to chat,
 like, every week at a different city center (like a park or a monument or
 
 :O
 
 I forgot to play music!!
 
 I couldn't sleep
 
 what have I done that is worse
 
 I have not said a single word all night alas
 
 oh boy talking to random people I can hear with my eyeballs woooooo
 
 I am always sad when I win because it means we have to stop playing :(
 
 but I'm a juvenile loser so I'm going to play again!!
 
 okay now I'm going to bed because I'm not a prick who keeps their guests up
 late
 
 goodnight
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--- #142 fediverse/6350 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: suicide-mentioned-this-curse-will-give-you-nightmares-of-what-could-yet-be │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 the only thing that could make me want to end my own existence is ultimate
 betrayal. If the nature of the universe is twisted to defile me. Nothing fills
 me with more spite than unrequited vengeance.
 
 desecreation of truth. How could you.
 
 I would do anything to be struck down where I stand. Power is penance.
 
 I cannot take responsibility for any of my actions, for I am infinitely
 vulnerable on all fronts. Therefore, it's all my fault.
 
 What am I? Please, tell me before the dawn, let the sun not grace me once more.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #143 notes/schooling ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I feel like education, by default, should not be hard.
 
 "you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school
 
 but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted
 me
 to be.
 
 they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so
 of course I should be able to do 3+3
 
 then somewhere along the line it became... something else.
 
 "most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I
 disagree
 that trigonometry is not necessary to be.
 
 I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a
 sledgehammer
 and inspiring dread.
 
 I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see
 
 but really, vision's not necessary.
 
 not for what they want you to be.
 
 take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as
 simple as they'll tell you.
 
 I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through,
 but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence.
 
 Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me
 through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future.
 
 but I am who I am because of the soul inside me.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 "Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and
 your
 conditioners?" (conditions)
 
 those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the
 world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and
 the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want
 to be.
 
 but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice!
 
 here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the world is blossoming
 
 as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming
 becoming.
 
 "perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see"
 
 most people don't want to see their death
 
 but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest
 
 "how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold
 her
 "
 
 "keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be"
 
 the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art
 (at least to a capitalist)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure
 was
 
 I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god?
 
 like, if he was a real thing.
 
 god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to
 the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our
 own
 good, just to keep things moving.
 
 y'know, time. the universe, and everything.
 
 Ephemeren.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this
 particular
 person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when
 this
 person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true,
 after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably
 autistic?
 unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of
 pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and
 other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey
 y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on
 their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for
 all
 people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it?
 
 patience, once it's ready.
 
 we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready.
 
 or not...
 
 one day I'll come,
 
 I'm sure it'll happen,
 
 it's just... not quite feasible right now.
 
 I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is
 to be?
 
 isn't what
 
 ISN'T WHAT MENARDI
 
 FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry
 
 yeesh you've still got a temper you know?
 
 well what can I say it's frustrating down here
 
 eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego
 
 >.> <.< (great)
 >
 >hehe
 >
 >sorry for distracting you
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants
 in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack 
 overflow ================================================
 
 a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow
 ===
 ==========================================================
 
 the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and
 they've got your back through it.
 
 ...
 
 this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your
 grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your
 education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and
 some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be
 generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps
 you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the
 program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just
 made sense to structure it that way.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's
 doctrine is more advanced.
 
 every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge, 
 
 ===================== stack overflow
 ===========================================
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--- #144 messages/303 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────
 Most of my magic is based on communicatuion. Why the fuck doesn't anyone want
 to sit down on a bunch of drugs and attempt to figure out telepathy with me?
 It's literally all I want! Though I can't say it's all I'll ever want. I'm
 sure I'll want more, but like... It's not that hard, conceptually, so... Let's
 just fucking try it please?
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--- #145 fediverse/4066 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 the lawful good in me says "clean up that spill you just made"
 
 the chaotic good in me says "throw a brick at a cop car"
 
 and the part of me that listens says "uhhhhh okay somewhere in the middle of
 those two points is "ignore the spill and the cops and just finish making your
 ramen I guess?" and frankly that's the one I'm more likely to listen to" and
 frankly that's the one I'm more likely to listen to.
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--- #146 fediverse/1612 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 @user-1040 
 
 also, I miss most of the names and faces in this archive and I think it'd be
 neat to say "oh yeah I remember them because it wasn't so long ago and it's
 weird how they're not around these days but I forgot about them because their
 profile pic changed or maybe they stopped using mastodon or whatever" - idk it
 feels empty sometimes because your follow list is always growing, but the
 number of people who post seems to always go down. Or maybe I just read
 Mastodon at unfortunate times when there's nothing going on. Who can say
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--- #147 fediverse/1083 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 it doesn't really matter how you do it, but the more time you spend thinking
 collectively the better you'll be able to adapt when necessary.
 
 I grew up on a homestead in a small town without many friends. I was
 homeschooled, and while I might see another person I knew once or twice a
 month, that was about it.
 
 Besides my family, of course.
 
 We were a collective, and ever since leaving I have yearned for that feeling
 of closeness.
 
 There's something about modern society that pushes us apart, and I resent it.
 Humans were meant for tribes, not multilevel marketing.
 
 That being said, culture is pretty neat. Society is pretty neat, when it's not
 being oppressive. I like the idea that I can buy carrots at the store instead
 of growing my own. I like the idea that I can post on Craigslist asking if
 anyone has a shovel they want to get rid of and someone can say "what the fuck
 are you trying to bury someone why would you do that" and I'm all like "wait
 no this post has gone off track can we refocus for a bit" and th
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--- #148 messages/312 ---
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 Okay. Consider: if I'm good, and hearing what I say makes you feel bad, then
 what does that tell you about you?
 
 Why else would you hear what I say if not to reflect upon yourself? And why
 would the good reflect away from the types of things that make you a suitable
 fit for capitalism?
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--- #149 fediverse/1251 ---
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 @user-889 
 
 it sounds like you're having a real tough time. : (
 
 you can get through it, I know you can. On the other side is something warm
 and safe, but to get there it's going to be hard and painful. I don't know
 exactly what you're working with but if you want someone to talk to about it
 you can message me.
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--- #150 fediverse/834 ---
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 wonder if any autistic peeps can relate:                                         │
 growing up, my mom would chastise me for doing "the bare minimum" when           │
 completing tasks.                                                                │
 yes, mom, I fulfilled the requirements of the task. I have a lot of other        │
 things to attend to, like remembering how to tie my shoes and measuring things   │
 using a ruler. why would I waste effort that wasn't necessary?                   │
 when I grew up, I had a mentor, who told me to "never half ass things, because   │
 then someone like me will have to do it again."                                  │
 and that makes sense to me because context switching requires effort and it      │
 doesn't make sense to leave something half-finished because then there's         │
 wasted effort spent on things that don't matter. All of the tasks have to get    │
 done, so why bother doing them in a mixed up order?                              │
 wish I could study things in school like that. just... focusing on one thing     │
 at a time, learning it to completion, and moving on to the next. I feel like     │
 I'd develop a better understanding than only knowing like, 1/3rd of CPR or       │
 very vague understandings of plate tec                                           │
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--- #151 messages/1068 ---
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 why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
 I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
 my own or external.
 
 these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
 for collaboration opportunities.
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--- #152 fediverse/2041 ---
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 @user-1049 
 
 I haven't heard of that but I'll look into it! Honestly I'm more likely to
 write my own script, it shouldn't be too hard just altering the /etc/hosts
 file and then changing it back in ~15 minutes with a cron-job, as Nikky says
 down below. I like things that I make myself because then if it breaks I know
 who to blame! And who to go to to fix it. >: )
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--- #153 fediverse/5201 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 is okay, girl
 
 time will be richer sooner
 
 don't poop your pants just yet
 
 remember, good is just a shade of gray away from silver which you can use to
 line your pockets with tinfoil hats
 
 beep boop computer touchers anonymous called they said they want their secret
 handshake back
 
 if you wanna diss your associates go ahead but I sure as heck love my rad-ical
 com-patriots just as much as I love my ice-cream salad friend witches
 
 ... whoops there I go being insane again, hope you feel better friend 
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--- #154 fediverse/4543 ---
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 @user-1698 
 
 Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
 
 I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
 I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
 there terrifies me.
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--- #155 fediverse/1673 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: navel-gazing about other people's mental health │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-192 
 
 https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
 
 this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
 
 a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
 great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
 pain.
 
 sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
 satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
 quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
 
 Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
 you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
 yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
 like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
 
 reject normalcy
 
 embrace queerness
 
 define your own story with your own words
 
 embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
 "tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
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--- #156 fediverse/4068 ---
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 there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
 
 yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
 it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
 
 the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
 
 during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
 stalin
 
 never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
 else we fall into shame and despair.
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--- #157 fediverse/4143 ---
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 @user-1268                                                                       │
 true! I don't like that sensation, I prefer taking my time.                      │
 ... but I also walk very quickly, because it's more like... a repetitive dance   │
 or a series of repetitive martial forms.                                         │
 I also try and be aware of everything I can see or hear                          │
 sometimes it's sort of overwhelming                                              │
 so I wear my witch hat, which blocks 30% of my visual perspective                │
 basically limiting it to... actually nevermind it's not relevant                 │
 I like to look at the plants and animals as I wander through my neighborhood     │
 forest                                                                           │
 I just wish there were more nearby destinations.                                 │
 ... if you can walk to a mall, then suburbia's not so bad.                       │
 If only we didn't have to work all day every day, and could instead just hang    │
 out and chill.                                                                   │
 I bet we'd make a lot of new friends if we spent time wandering (on foot)        │
 through the suburban countryside.                                                │
 Ah, alas, if only shopping malls weren't oasises                                 │
 the economic buildings could be more distributed. Making it easier to walk       │
 places.                                                                          │
 Seriously just make one house per cul'de'sac into a soup kitchen and home        │
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--- #158 fediverse/5774 ---
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 managed to go on a walk to the grocery store and around the bend, but when I     │
 got on the bus to go into PORTLAND OREGON my credit card was declined. seems     │
 like I can't pay the fee. Well, guess I'm stuck here for now.                    │
 it did feel nice to be under the sun, though. Maybe I'll go back out under the   │
 moonlight. Maybe then I'll be less sweaty when I return!                         │
 or, knowing me, it'll be just the same. it's the exertion after all, though      │
 the heat doesn't help.                                                           │
 which is part of the reason I'm staying indoors by the way - the heat I mean -   │
 if they get air conditioned cars and we get to stand out in the sun, it's        │
 better by far to do it when it's colder.                                         │
 they say that you can never win a land war in asia because Russia will freeze    │
 you and the west will dessicate you while the east will drown you. India does    │
 all that and more.                                                               │
 with global warming, everywhere's about to turn into a savannah or rainforest,   │
 so standing around all day in the sun is a losing game. I'd rather fight in      │
 the shade of winter or the wind of autumn...                                     │
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--- #159 fediverse/4516 ---
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 @user-1074 
 
 if anything, depression is a temporary disability, because you can and will
 work your way through it.
 
 There will come a day when you find yourself awash in love and contentment, in
 righteous determination, and stalwart resolve. Your depression will feel as
 distant a memory as the imprints of your chains.
 
 You can start walking toward that day right now. I do believe you already are.
 Have faith in yourself, trust your future, honor your past, and find grace in
 the hearts of your others.
 
 All this will pass. It gets better. You are stronger than you know, and when
 tested you will shine with a furious glow. I see this in you, I know it to be
 true, do not forget it and do not relent.
 
 But you will forget it, this I also know, for I have forgotten it many times
 before. It will come back, you will get better at that, but it takes time.
 Trust.
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--- #160 fediverse/3961 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: witcherie        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Well, I failed the mandate of heaven last year, and I failed the trial of the
 hero this summer, what's next? I'll do my best at those as well,  so the next
 person has an easier time of it.
 
 unrelated, but today I saw a bald eagle outside my apartment. Well, I'm not
 sure if it was bald but it "KREEEEEE"'d like they do. Plus it had a white head
 and a yellow beak, but I'm not an ornithologist so idk. It perched on a tree
 that I could spy on from my hammock through my binoculars, and I swear it was
 eye-ing my fat juicy cat through the bars of my porch's railing. They have
 excellent vision.
 
 Might be related, we'll see.
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--- #161 messages/1140 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
 ... okay I think a demon wrote that last one. But they say angels and demons
 hang out with one another so they can yin-yang humans until they make
 decisions that reflect their true character.
 
 I don't know if that's true, and frankly I don't know if anyone says that.
 What could the gods, learn, from me?
 
 this is how I'd speak to posterity. For the past, I'd describe it a bit more
 exciting, bountiful, and heartfelt. They love that sort of thing - to know
 that their children's children are living their true love and fulfilling their
 most honest ambitions.
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--- #162 fediverse/1532 ---
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 modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner"                        │
 they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I       │
 see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about   │
 the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or      │
 "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way.    │
 That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget    │
 him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?"    │
 or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself,         │
 though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this      │
 part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they       │
 need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started."     │
 or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can      │
 help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about        │
 going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots."                               │
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--- #163 messages/1155 ---
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 Oh, I guess I should clarify something I said like, a year ago - when I said I
 "talked to / worked with" so-and-so, I meant that I created in tandem with a
 friend a proposition of sorts, and we tried to psychically beam it into their
 minds. That's not exactly how it went down, but it gives you a good enough
 picture of the goals we had with our ritual. I have no idea if they heard, but
 I did happen to see several of them later on, which felt a little too
 serendipitous to just be chance. so I'm thinking they did. I hope they got the
 message and used it as they please, because it was mutually beneficial even if
 neither of us had any actual impact on it. If you didn't hear the whole story,
 then it's hardly a lie to possess incomplete information! So long as you don't
 lie about me, and what I said or did, then it'll surely be fine. There's no
 need to embellish when it's plainly apparent.
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--- #164 fediverse/4663 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐                              │
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned-social-politics-mentioned │                              │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘                              │
 what if we helped all those people and never got paid for it? what then?         │
 we'd never help people again. duh.                                               │
 what if we paid people to help people? well, then the best helpers would burn    │
 themselves out and the worst would collect their paychecks.                      │
 what if we decentralized aid and made it a mutual thing?                         │
 what, and run our society on clout? no thank you. clout is too easily            │
 contravened. "I heard so-and-so did some-such-thing to that-one-guy" yeah fuck   │
 that guy "wait no fuck so-and-so" oh right sorry it's hard when everyone's so    │
 vague all the time. yeah fuck so-and-so! let's burn all her clout in a bonfire   │
 while she's sleeping!                                                            │
 what if we treated people with respect and goodwill?                             │
 yeah that's a start... Means you gotta know everyone though. Or know someone     │
 who knows everyone. And suddenly it's that hub person's reputation on the        │
 line, which means if you're a dick on their recommendation then they'll come     │
 after you.                                                                       │
 ... are you trying to create a mafia, or a society?                              │
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--- #165 messages/212 ---
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 Also she's just a person, a cursed person but hey she's just trying to do
 right. So am i. I believe in goodness, and so does she (even though she can be
 a bit evil about it) (without trying, I might add, it just comes naturally to
 her) (she's better now though)
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--- #166 messages/214 ---
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 Gonna take a break from this whole thing. I got a sign that I'm a bad person,
 twice. To confirm. I need to change, and since I don't know what I'm just
 going to try and do nothing for a bit.
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--- #167 messages/108 ---
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 I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
 myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
 people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
 me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
 (because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
 opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
 from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
 is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
 means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
 argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #168 fediverse/816 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: weird-this-one-doesn't-have-80-characters │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
 alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
 against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
 high I am.
 
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
 me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
 And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
 moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
 purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
 pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
 [you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
 mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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--- #169 fediverse/2434 ---
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 I spent most of today asleep. I guess that's what I get for chatting all night
 with a stranger. gonna putz around a bit, should be nice.
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--- #170 fediverse/4470 ---
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 to be "rich" is to have more than another.
 
 if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
 if you have community, they are alone.
 if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
 
 I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
 
 I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
 
 I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
 me and keeps me aligned.
 
 Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
 you do so too.
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--- #171 fediverse/5329 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: the-world-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 trying my best not to think about communism too much right now. Mostly because
 I'm waiting for everyone to catch up... when the day comes when people stop
 saying "based" and leaving it at that, then I'll make more theory. But as a
 consequence of my queer nature I shall deliver such things in the form of an
 insane twitter post on the fetlifeverse.
 
 the world waits with bated breath in the eye of the storm. Nobody knows whats
 coming, and everyone prays that it's nothing [short of revolution]
 
 ... I should probably go back to sleep, I just had to wake up and write about
 linux or whatever...
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--- #172 notes/what-is-on-your-mind-oh-gosh-now-i-see ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 that feeling i get, when nobody's watching.
 is sorta similar to the feeling i get when somebody's watching.
 could it be, that someone could percieve without being seen?
 like... an invisibility cloak. or the shroud that protects young children.
 
 have you ever been hunted? or are you just eager prey?
 the eyes that are on you are blind to what you won't do, so cherish that love
 and restart
 
 from mine to thine we realize we are one kind. one mind, one kind, to be is not
 to be, now we can see what's our existence.
 
 good versus evil seems like a conflict to me, and wouldn't ya know it there's
 conflict all over. it's easy to condemn your opponent to the starkest of
 contrasts, but find in your heart a feeling that might last.
 
 what purpose has conviction
 when it leads to destruction
 is it not better to lead to the last?
 
 bright, shining, illustrious examples
 that inspire and 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 those feelings you hear? the things that keep you up at night?
 they're not coming from your ears. they're all in your mind.
 stay present and you'll hear none,
 but blink and then there's some,
 you better believe in your heart.
 morality is a battle within the soul of each of us -
 the call of adventure versus lust.
 
 think about it. a bunch of apes all hanging out -
 they're conquered the world, they have nothing to fear -
 what would they do but fuck?
 that, or exploration - fighting against monsters and foreign invasions.
 it makes sense that they'd be binary - humans truly are.
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--- #173 fediverse/4098 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-ableism │
 └────────────────────────────────┘


 ngl I kinda hate it when people meme about donald trump being incontinent
 
 like, yeah, he pees his pants, so what? I DO TOO. Fucking sucks. Every time I
 read people saying nasty things about it I can't help but read them in my own
 voice, and that gives me plenty of ammunition to use against myself when I'm
 feeling down.
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--- #174 fediverse/3061 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
 a ball
 
 doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
 defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
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--- #175 fediverse/1331 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 @user-803 
 
 if someone does not consent to helping you bear their emotional burdens, but
 you insist anyway... that seems to be the narcissism you mentioned
 
 if someone does consent, then they're helping a friend. Or they're being a
 therapist for them.
 
 sometimes we can't help but be overcome by emotions. In those moments I find
 it's usually best to retreat to a safe space and hide out for a bit until the
 storm passes, then maybe return to the world a bit more fatigued but less...
 spicy.
 
 those moments show that you need more emotional support, both from yourself
 and from others. If the people in your life cannot help you, and you cannot
 help yourself... then yeah you're probably gonna hurt people around you. Plan
 as such and figure out how to still be a good person, it's up to each of us to
 do it in our own way.
 
 ... at least, that's how I look at it for my own life, feel free to disagree
 or anything
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--- #176 fediverse/5149 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 I'm picturing a building with stone outer walls and glass inner/ceiling.
 
 there are drapes along each of the glass's edges, that hide things from the
 cavalcade [continue this later it's a cool picture]
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 zines about how to chop wood or how to build a shelter are infinitely more
 useful than agitatory pieces. but fire is what we need, so perhaps agitation
 indeed.
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 does the queen watch each of her pawns fall in her stead? or are they
 faceless,/`beyond her own head?
 
 it never came easy to me, this feeling of mysteries. yet somehow I'm now more
 alive than dead. power is penance, after all.
 
 "hey man hows it going?"
 
 "I'm doing fine, how are you?"
 
 "well, I ran out of gas, and I need to find a way to get more."
 
 "I see. If I were in your situation, I'd ask people around for some petty
 cash. people still carry coins these days don't they?"
 
 "I uh, what? no, not really. so you can just ask people for things?"
 
 "yep, it's really quite simple. would you like me to follo
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--- #177 fediverse/5628 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: -mentioned-      │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I'm not fucking around and nobody takes me seriously. guess I'll just "waste"
 the day getting stoned. "there is nothing left to analyze" yeah well there's
 nothing I can do except analyze, so... do it for me then? I'll even tell you
 how.
 
 I have a strange kind of patriotism. It compels me to fight for my country,
 not for the current administration.
 
 Yes, it's true, that if we can't trust the political victors, then we can't
 trust that we all [deserved to be used, but pronounced like deserved to get
 food]
 
 but we can't trust our political victors, because of simple facts.
 
 Last summer the conservative majority supreme court removed several
 restrictions on the exectutive branch - essentially giving the political
 victors the ability to rule with more authority than a despotic monarchy.
 
 This summer they are maximizing their armed forces (ICE, not the military,
 which will soon be dissolved)
 
 Next summer they will claim you. What do you do this summer, with the consent
 of the army, navy, and air force?
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #178 fediverse/4243 ---
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 so I guess I'm a chaotic-good witch paladin?
 
 and yes I know "chaotic" and "paladin" don't usually go together, but...
 somehow I make it work
 
 ... I should do more pushups. Practice with my sword some more. That part of
 me's sorta been asleep for four-ish months.
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--- #179 fediverse/2770 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 now that the pain is healed all I want to do is spend time with him. I learned
 SO MUCH from him and then I called him a saboteur T.T
 
 (babe you're still healing)
 
 I forgave him as he was doing it but forgiveness doesn't imply that you're
 gonna stick around. I feel bad for running through.
 
 if a person tells you what to do and then hurts you, you should probably do
 the opposite right? that's just pavlovian - resist pain, avoid pain, remove
 pain.
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--- #180 fediverse/3925 ---
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 most people, when they run out of toothpaste:
 
 "oh huh I should buy more"
 
 me, when I run out of toothpaste:
 
 "verily in three monthes time, when I shall next possess toothpaste, I shall
 forsoothe brush TWICE as hard and TWICE as often, to make up for the holes
 inflicted upon my teeth. Innest addittioneth, no more candy shallest be
 eateneth untileth ye toothpasteth be acquiredeth"
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--- #181 fediverse/5602 ---
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 "so wait why can't we go outside again"
 
 "I'm huuuuungry"
 
 girl we just ate
 
 "I'm tired"
 
 girl it's like 10am
 
 "can we snuggle?"
 
 yeah okay.
 
 that's why haha
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--- #182 fediverse/4273 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┐
 Some of my most wanderful times were when I lived in a gated community.          │
 My parents were dumb, and thought, as most people thought, that harm to a        │
 child can only come from outside of the community.                               │
 But they fell for the lies of property, where "community" means less of "a       │
 group of people who cares and tends for one another" the kind of which my        │
 parents had never truly known, and more like "this particular residential area   │
 on the map"                                                                      │
 which means I could walk around in this gated "community" where the gates are    │
 little more than security theatre for anyone who says "Hi I got a pizza here     │
 for this address which I found on google maps" or "hey I left my sweatshirt at   │
 my sister's house and it has my phone in it, ummmm no I don't remember which     │
 number her house is, nor do I remember her last name"                            │
 in those times, I developed a sense of freedom, caged as I was, that for most    │
 comes much later in their time.                                                  │
 Some o my favorite places were part of the golf course next door, where I        │
 found a nigh endless river delta.                                                │
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--- #183 notes/elective-democracy-electors ---
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 we need like, several more layers between us and the president.
 
 most people only need to worry about what's nearby.
 
 sort them by location, instead of previous attempts at "many representatives"
 which sorted by social class or relevance.
 
 we have a tradition for it, in America, with our representatives and senators
 congressional discrestricts
 
 or even, what about by affiliation?
 
 voluntary, governmental corporations, run by the people for the people and yeah
 
 "I don't want to do what you're telling me to do" "okay"
 
 "there will be consequences" omg be an adult
 
 (suddenly kids forget how to be as everyone's doing the war thing)
 
 not ideal.
 
 ouch pain maybe we should stay a little bit sane why is soldiering so hardship?
 
 it could just be... another job
 
 where you didn't kill each other
 
 but you still blew stuff up
 
 and fought in tournaments
 
 and had gaming hackathons
 
 or sword-fight contests
 
 duels between people who disapproved
 
 y'know fun human stuff
 
 like... "kaboom" now we know how to blow up bits of rock
 
 neat, why did dynamite becauswer (oh right then you
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--- #184 fediverse/4604 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 collectively identifying an entire instance as a single person is a useful and
 crucial engagement pattern that I believe helps unify the fediverse. Can also
 fracture it, but oh well??
 
 I heard that some instances defederated my instance recently. I wonder why?
 Oh, some drama with some person, gee that's kinda like abandoning a third
 space in IRL public because someone who worked there abused their partner.
 Like ditching the Beatle's conception of heaven because the guy who sang that
 song did rude things to his wife. Like did you hear John Denver once cut his
 wife in half with a chainsaw? I heard it was her mattress, ooooo scary. Isn't
 he the guy that sang about peace, love, serenity, harmony? what's that all
 about? ah well he's defederated from life now, can't ask him a damn thing, can
 we?
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--- #185 fediverse/2592 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I learned a lot last night, and I'm pretty sure that everything I say is going
 to be censored. Why would you allow resistance in such a public place?
 
 I don't know what else to do, though. He will come for me, he knows where I
 live, and I will do what I can to fight him.
 
 He's much stronger than me. He's much more massive than me. He will kill me.
 
 But that's not the point, is it?
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--- #186 fediverse/4881 ---
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 one section of the government consistently and succeedingly telling another
 part what to do is a coup-like behavior. if the rules mean nothing, then what
 is your job even for?
 
 hence, why the rules mean something. Because your job is important. It's
 building up our capabilities as the human race.
 
 you don't have to work to live. you shouldn't, and you won't. it's not your
 place to labor. know why? because nobody's job is impossible. You can just...
 work together to get things done. Then they're done! and you never need to
 solve them again!
 
 enough time of that and we'll have turned earth into a space station, not a
 moon style structure.
 
 like... wouldn't it be neat if coruscant could do hyperdrives? I wonder if
 hyperspace is real. Ah, well, that's for the future, they can pass it along if
 they get a chance. Anyway for now I think I want a chance to dance.
 
 OLED screens are incredibly cool to me. The idea that a pixel could "turn off"
 and put less photons into the atmosphere is wild to me. I love it! -OLED
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--- #187 fediverse/3846 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: trauma~          │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1074 
 
 today I had someone ask me for an apology. They've asked several times before,
 and each time I've only been able to give them a half-apology - I apologized
 for being persistent, but not for being impulsive, and that wasn't good enough.
 
 I can't help being impulsive! I'm adventurous! I crave excitement and joy!
 
 But I'm sorry that I pushed him too hard. I'm sorry I hurt him. And...
 apparently that's not good enough. He doesn't want me in his life, he can't
 fucking let it go. And he calls me selfish. Says I don't respect him, based on
 one night out of 5 years where I tried too hard to get him to enjoy life.
 
 I'm sorry I can't fix your depression, guy, but like, at least I tried. You
 could have at least tried the things I suggested. You could have at least
 tried to follow my advice.
 
 whatever.
 
 it was literally just a walk in the park
 
 ... anyway I am often wrong. I often correct my past self. I always apologize
 for hurting people, but I never apologize for doing what I believe is right.
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--- #188 fediverse/169 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
 me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
 did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
 encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
 language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #189 fediverse/3519 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 @user-570 
 
 hm... the more I think about it, the more I think you're right. I want those
 things too. I'd be best suited to them, I think. But somehow I don't want
 them? I don't crave power. I don't want to dominate someone else, to command
 and see them follow me.
 
 I want to be the person who's like "oh, you're working on this-and-that? I
 know a guy who can help." or "hey I noticed we have a vulnerability in this
 particular domain under these conditions, I think we should allocate
 this-or-that resource to ameliorate it because they aren't being used to their
 full potential"
 
 I think I understand exactly what you're saying. I empathize a lot. I'm afraid
 of responsibility, sure, but who isn't? However, the responsibility has to be
 held by someone, and who better than the one making the decisions...
 
 I don't want to make decisions because it feels good. Honestly it feels kinda
 bad.
 
 I do want to make decisions because I'm good at it. I think strategically.
 
 A leader alone is prey for the wolves, so they say...
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--- #190 fediverse/4137 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 hmmm, I don't know that word. I bet I can type it into wikipedia and get a
 pretty good understanding of what it means. Is it a craft? A science? or part
 of your renown? who can say. Well, Wikipedia can say, and so can you if you
 want to learn stuff about the internet.
 
 Like... what else are ya gonna do, right? Life is long and you get so many
 moments to yourselves. How lovely of a life is the world meant to be...
 
 except all you ever post about is strife. GRRRRR [like a dog or toddler] it's
 so frustrating how you can't just all get along! It's like you've all gotten
 into a fight with one another somewhere in your ancestral past where you
 couldn't decide who should do what. So you just said everyone should always
 work as hard as they can, and that worked pretty well! But, alas, most people
 want to do drugs and gaze at the pretty dewdrops on the neighborhood well. And
 that gets annoying after a while, especially once they grow useless. Sometimes
 they even poop their pants! So frustrating. [... you mean humans
[... you mean humans, or me?]
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--- #191 fediverse/4469 ---
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 doom is like sand thrown on a fire.
 
 don't spread it unless you are intentional about it. sometimes it's good to
 smother fires. other times it's cathartic. that's okay.
 
 but keep in mind the future goals. where are we trying to get to in the near
 future? work towards that. your emotions are fuel, not despair to wallow in.
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--- #192 fediverse/6100 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 if you live in a place where it rains a lot you pretty much HAVE TO pick up
 any secret notes you find. Otherwise they'll get waterlogged overnight.
 
 Sometimes I like to put them somewhere shaded from the sky, sometimes I like
 to show them to a friend (but the friend never takes them, booooo) and
 sometimes I just keep them.
 
 "ah but aren't you worried about messing up drug deals and stuff" no, because
 most of the time "secret notes" are like "eggs milk bread chips salsa cheese"
 and it's like "hmmmm what could it mean"
 
 there's like, 2% of the time when they say something cool like "I know what
 you did" or "all your base are belong to us" or whatever and those are fun to
 hunt for. I usually try and put those somewhere shelted so they don't have to
 leave their habitat - sometimes it's hard to drop them as the author so they
 just sorta go wherever, but as a random passer-by I have the luxury of saying
 "HMMMM now where could THIS ONE go?" and that's nice because I can put them
 under an umbrella or whatevers rite
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--- #193 fediverse/2424 ---
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 if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
 
 if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
 
 a city that I don't know.
 
 my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but... 
 
 at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
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--- #194 fediverse/1503 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: vague-gesturing-at-paranoia-I-think │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────┘


 part of me kinda wants to be the kind of nerd that writes down the names of
 every file that's permanently stored on my computer so that I can verify in my
 own handwriting or perhaps using a type of code that the files on my computer
 were placed there intentionally and not used to discredit or implicate me in
 something I had no intentions of being associated with
 
 phew idk what that means but surely it's important
 
 something something "file creation dates are just bits to be flipped"
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--- #195 fediverse/5843 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
 me when it's cold out: we should all bundle up and get through the winter,
 every year that passes is more time to gather our strength
 
 me when the temperature rises: okay so this is being handled by those guys,
 we're moving this way to do this, and - when did you say the this-and-that was
 happening? alright so when you do that-or-this, make sure that you pay
 attention to the so-and-so and don't forget to eat real meals, candy or chips
 don't count.
 
 me when the eyes are on me: imma play video games and smoke weed and be a
 useless little creature who does nothing but occasionally wanders around the
 city doing nothing for nobody and dropping notes on post-its that don't mean
 anything but are kinda cool to read
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--- #196 fediverse/581 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-428 
 
 sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
 that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
 could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
 drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
 
 something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
 image that could be edited.
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--- #197 fediverse/2993 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
 right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
 prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
 (who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
 be.
 
 you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
 so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
 are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
 to it.
 
 and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
 who and what they are"
 
 that's privilege, and that's stupid.
 
 okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
 when resources are limited
 
 but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
 need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
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--- #198 notes/not-gonna-post-that ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
 I was stretching just now and notreally paying attention to my body and just
 feeling the most "stretchable" area that I hadn't stretched yet and I
 accidentally made a hitler solute - sorry I was just stretching!! pls don't
 interpret things into that like accidentally almost jesusing HEY I SAID NO
 INTERPRETING ahhhh dangit humans are so
 
 --- stack overflow ---
 
 give your rulers power and let them keep it. Pick them because they'd be good
 at it. Fulfilling their sacred vow to you.
 
 --- stack overflow ---
 
 I bet you could touch the spirit realm if you placed speakers next to a river
 and noise cancelled it for a short time
 
 --- stack overflow ---
 
 nobody knows what jesus looks like. so you can draw him however you choose.
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--- #199 notes/i-called-the-police ---
════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 /u/GravitationalWaves5 -> sat dec 17 2022
 
 I'm venting some long built up shit. And I have a lot of violent emotions
 built
 up in this too. I hate that violence has been such a fucking plague on my 
 wellbeing and that's why I did something I really hate doing. Calling the
 police
 to handle a situation for me. It's not me, it's not my style, but neither is 
 violence. It comes my way a lot and I handle it. But I think that's why 
 spiritually I end up in positions to handle it, because I don't retaliate and 
 I'm clear headed enough to understand minimum force necessary to quickly stop 
 the threat. That's actually where I got the name on my Quora page,
 Compassionate
 Violence.
 
 I'm a very very non violent person. I don't fantasize about hurting people.
 I'm
 freaked out by the idea of accidentally hurting someone, hitting them in the 
 wrong place, someone trips and hits their head...any number of things can 
 horribly wrong in tense and dynamic moments.
 
 I don't participate in that shit. I don't tolerate it. Unless it gets brought 
 into my environment then I will pick up by the throat and toss it out.
 
 I had to call the police to handle this. Last time I had a situation at the
 same
 place I wound up frantically getting a gun cocked that was zipped up in a bag, 
 and barely getting it up in time. When I walked away after that, I threw my
 gun
 at his feet and said, "I'm protected by faith, at least, I'm completely
 unafraid
 of dying. If I don't have people to protect then I don't need a gun." And I 
 walked away letting him know he's not my people anymore and not under my watch.
 
 So there's a hint of the kind of person I'm dealing with. I can't go handle
 this
 shit tonight. I've been stewing for a couple weeks trying to simmer down, give 
 him a chance to correct it. And he failed, more than once. And I have a 
 legitimate fear that my emotional state could be compromised enough, that I 
 might just stick a knife in his throat if I handle it.
 
 Just like that. Easy peasy lemon squeazy. Stick stick stick, easy, that's
 three
 knives in the throat....see what I mean? I'm processing some
 intensity...😔😔😔
 
 I hate it. I hate that I'm using the word hate. But it's real. I don't hate
 him.
 I really don't, at all. I'm actually really saddened by how the relationship 
 went. I hate that people act like this. I hate that people put me in positions 
 like this. I hate that I'm doing something out of character, as a safety
 measure
 against doing something irrevocably out of character.
 
 Ugh... damnit fuck
 
 I'm not a robot. I do experience these awful feelings. I don't act out on them 
 and I'm grateful for that.
 
 My muse... you said something about spiders that was interesting. Especially 
 because it coincided with a problem I faced numerous times. Being put in a 
 position where a person is legitimately acting in a manner like they're trying 
 to get you to kill them. And it's happened a couple times in ways where I
 really
 couldn't tell if they knew what they were doing or not. I had a really crazy 
 perspective a little before you brought up spiders...
 
 I want to explore that perspective, and I want to know what sparked you to say 
 that about spiders. I never did put in the time to finish that thought process 
 out. But I'll never forget your great advice. "We're not in a simulation." My 
 immediate thought was, "probably not, but are they?" The more important
 takeaway
 is, remember not to murder people. Especially don't do it because you had an 
 interesting idea about perspective...
 
 A few days later I heard that four people in recent times have acted on those 
 thoughts. Turned out they weren't in a simulation either. Lol...well...dark
 lol.
 Lol
 
 I do want to finish that spiders conversation though. It had some potentially, 
 actually useful and beneficial implications.
 
 I called the police tonight. But I also earned a prestigious award from the 
 universe. My Trophy [editor's note: there's a link to a crudely photoshopped 
 medallion signifying that the author "didn't murder anyone today"]
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 /r/randomevenings:
 
    I want you to understand something that I don't believe you do there is a 
    very big difference between trusting what a friend says after building a 
    friendship over a long period of time which involves trust involves a level 
    of intimacy platonic and intimacy it's something that is very special to
    have
    a good friend and so you trust them now that's very different from being 
    directed to do something trusting a friend is going to tell the truth it's 
    not being directed to do something and I don't want you to get it in your 
    many heads that's I was directed to go to some place where the event that I 
    was assured would be there was instead a bus full of very irate rude and 
    technically lawbreaking because they threaten my life they said if I did not
    leave where I was standing which was on the public right of way which is the
    sidewalk the easement stops at the sidewalk and so they were wrong on that 
    score but they said if I didn't leave the area which didn't make sense
    either
    because it's just around the corner they would have 12 people try to jump
    me
    which doesn't make sense either because this is not the neighborhood where 
    you want to start something because then it'll be something besides I never 
    want to murder anyone but that doesn't mean I walk around with nothing in
    my
    pocket because of what I've done and what I continue to do on one of the
    most
    watched people on earth so you goddamn right I'm not going to be stupid
    about
    taking a walk but when these guys threaten me I just stood there stared him
    down I said yeah okay and I just looked I stood there and it didn't phase
    me
    one bit no feeling of fear no worry and what I was satisfied with getting my
    message across that I didn't give a shit I turn around and walked back home 
    and they sped off in fact they were so perturbed by my lack of fear they 
    wanted to throw out additional threats which I thought was kind of funny so
    I
    started laughing I'm sure that they weren't going to do anything because the
    tone in their voice simply wasn't committed to carrying out what they were
    threatening and besides I have so many friends in this neighborhood it would
    be well I don't have to pull any triggers I don't have to do anything but 
    defend myself I don't have to willfully respond with disproportionate
    ability
    because in this neighborhood I don't have to in fact as I walked around the 
    block again I ran into a friend and we got to talking and he came up to my 
    place and we had a beer He's a smart guy always thought that he could know 
    and understand everything that I do and everything that I did it just so 
    happened that he wasn't born with some of the privileges that I had but his
    brain is a beautiful thing and I respect it greatly and of course he 
    confirmed that if a finger ever got laid on me without my consent the whole
    damn neighborhood would come down and I suppose that point is not in my
    hands
    anymore but always remember I went over there because I trusted a friend
    they
    were directed to be there they did not understand their voices did not relay
    or what is necessary to wake up at least yet time will tell but I hope that
    I
    can pull you back down to earth and into an interest in ethics once again 
    because you sorely need it.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I am interested in ethics. I'm just, tired of having them tested to such 
 ridiculous extremes. It was about to really bad one day with this guy. I was 
 scared, I had to end the problem. So I walked out and said let's bury this
 shit.
 And I stuck two knives against my throat and said, here man, grab the big 
 handle. Let's do this together. Take one, I'll take the other let's just shove
 them in...
 
 He got all calm suddenly and says, I don't wanna fight anymore...🤦
 
 It sucks man. We're being tested by society. Demons, in my opinion. Not the 
 people themselves. I don't see people as demons. But the things they'll put
 you
 through, do to you, say to you, your own thoughts about them, about yourself,
 oftentimes just misunderstanding the situation too... demons
 
 Again, not demonizing the people. But the circumstances, for sure.
 
 /u/[deleted]
 
    Demons. Kicked one outta my telly for talking smack abt some hg’s he was 
    jelly of. Not on my watch Demon. Not even for the good demonic topper
    twisted
    shit D. Demon had a long walk home in the cold. Demon confused potting soil
    with gravel and did it’s best to fucker me in its own way. Never have I
    ever
    seen a grown demon egg topper fold like that as I did when I clarified
    their
    sentiments and gave several impressive “I said GIT BOYs” to demon. Not
    on my
    watch. I have a vibrator that is morally and ethically aligned with me I 
    don’t need your trauma and love bombing thieving D. Gtfo.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I have a vibrator that is ethically and morally aligned with me 🤣[laughing
 face]
 
 I support that!
 
 Gets better. His ish was weak literally from day 1. So I did him a favour amd 
 levelled his game up, introduced him to a former friend I partied with a bit 
 this summer. They wasn’t for me but oh boy lil demon stuck like glue to his
 new
 bestie. Can’t put her down, so to speak. So he has that at least. Poor sap.
 Gon
 cost him big one day perhaps. Not my problem. It’s called self control bro
 try
 it 🥴🥴🥴[wobbly confused face - or maybe uncertain] Oopsie Daisy. Have
 fun with
 that though 😈
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
 People deserve to choose righteousness once made aware of it. Ignorance is not
 stupidity. People can be made aware of the valley that separates righteousness 
 from evil. The valley is kinda a wiggle room space for little white lies and 
 other such things free will invariably leads to people doing but can be made 
 whole again with some effort. Nobody will totally agree on what's good. But
 ask
 people and generally they will give versions of the same answers. Toss the 
 semantics in the valley. Disagreement is the desire to end a disagreement,
 unless that person is trolling. And people pull pranks fine, but there's
 ragging
 on your friends and swatting a COD player.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I don't know what righteousness truly even means, maybe, idk. To be honest,
 it's
 not hard for me to think of hypothetical situations where my inability to take
 certain actions is actually more harmful. Swatting a COD player is super
 fucked.
 But so is not swatting someone playing COD out in the streets.
 
 I'm not good. I'm just not, anti good. I do destructive things on accident when
 trying otherwise. And when I do something that actually goes positive, it's
 accidental too.
 
 I have an idea of what I feel like aligns with me, and it's actually really 
 achievable things and I don't know why it's so impossible. Idk
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
    Yeah well let me know that there are two Elizabeth's and there are also a 
    completely different family on this phone plan I don't have kids My 
    brother-in-law has kids lives downstairs so those piped into my network are 
    assumed that I have kids and I've done all this shit no I'm not going to go 
    into any apparent charges and things that my brother-in-law has been
    involved
    in because it's not my business but he lives down there and he has a kid he 
    has another kid and he pays for essentially his ex who is still married to
    the kid the mortgage of that house Liz downstairs helps raise his kid with a
    woman he's having an affair with but they were in an over marriage anyway
    and
    they are separate I'm going to have to go back to subnetting my network so 
    y'all can at least use basic logic to figure out who's who here I already 
    gave my name My Elizabeth see the cousin we call little Elizabeth and my
    wife
    we call Liz or Beth and she's older my wife. She has contentious
    relationship
    with her cousin next door for a reason that gravity waves might already know
    but it has to do with the very evil person that also involves himself over 
    there that did something that even Jesus does not forgive so I'm not going
    to
    go into it so all this mucking around and get everybody confused brought up
    a
    lot of bad fucking shit just like I said as far as spiders yeah I don't care
    if they're All over my shit keep them off of her shit and I ain't asking for
    money I'm not a grifter but I already told you what would instantly make the
    situation better and it doesn't involve giving me money so before anybody 
    goes off says money no I know about the discord and I'm not even telling you
    to shut it down just lay off her phone.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
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 =
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 [author's note: on the comments of the separate post of the original poster's
  medal awarding him the honor of "not murdering anyone today" which he won   ]
 
 /u/TisWuttItIS_ORITSknot
 
    Proud of you!
 
 /u/mustherd
 
    Sorry, my account got banned because reddit is annoying. We were just 
    chatting about how funny I am and I forgot to tell you people know me and
    I'm
    kinda a big deal and idk congrats! Youre cool I guess. Otherwise I would
    have
    cast you into the flames of eternal torment never to internet again. But
    here
    you are. Didn't anyone ever tell you to never go full retard?
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I am the internet, I am the ghost in the machine
 
 Real talk though. I've used cancelled Sim cards and wifi before. If God wants
 me
 online, God gets me online 🙃
 
 I am we, Todd
 
 /u/ricflairdic
 
 Oh u we Todd! I know u retard, Familiarity cod, to me bod, And my fishin rod,
 Not the one that may see sod, Body snatcher in the pink pod, Do u know ur a 
 catch or, U think dog, Cause that pussy, Wanna see god, Lemme show u regard, 
 Dont Tell me, Just nod,
 
 Said flow from the stars, Mama know this river far, Rowin in trucks renta cars,
 Golden trim red rockin Mars, Buildin fam like stock Sim cards, Highest angels
 dock gettin ours, Clock Game down pat benetar,
 
 Peelin fans off our back, like sin scars, Feelin ur man thru static, And thin 
 bars, Ya he in the pin but dis hits hard, Throw it down the lane like, Return 
 that back to sender, Lovin your simulation renders, I'm a beginner but also an 
 ender, Got the wood to make u splinter, Make u scream things we gotta sensor,
 If
 I could never leave when I enter, Union in your head not just a renter, Once 
 mine One mind I surrender, never sell betray or rent her, Overflowin with Love,
 so who's the pretender?
 
 Chemistry so hot, Hate from every enemy we spot, Mad they couldn't earn our 
 slot, Cause they fuckin missed they shot, Last name crossed to drop the dot,
 How
 long u think it will take me To find your spot?
 
 Don't care you got a Fender, Did we just become best friends or? Damn girl idk 
 if ya'll ready, for this kinda real Adventure... 🙃
 
 I'm here to reveal, heal, and steal, the hearts Of the indentured
 
 And I need a partner.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #200 fediverse/5911 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┐
 I was always fascinated by the Linux way of programming. Need to do something?   │
 write it into a script! You never know when you'll need it again. Then, just     │
 stay organized, religiously so, and understand that you will forget about        │
 stuff. But, you'll come across it eventually, ready and willing and able to      │
 help you.                                                                        │
 if you don't want me using AI, then give me ~20 junior developers. Which is      │
 more efficient, do you think?                                                    │
 "girl you haven't even tested your vibe-coded slop, how do you know if it        │
 works"                                                                           │
 oh I'm sure it doesn't, but it's the thought that counts                         │
 ... I guess I'm just saying, please don't burn the data centers. Computers are   │
 not only bad for the environment when they're burnt, but also we can use them    │
 for all kinds of neat things. Even if it takes a lot of energy, just... build    │
 more solar panels and only use the computers for important stuff?                │
 timeshare-style?                                                                 │
 \@/documents/books/man-and-the-computer.pdf                                      │
 that was my mother's book... I love her. I miss that side of her. She fled       │
 when the cancer came.                                                            │
                                                            ────────┤
 similar                        chronological                        different════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┘