=== ANCHOR POEM === ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────── I like being alone. But if I'm alone for too long, I suffocate. I start acting like a weird nerd who doesn't know what to do with their hands. If I spend too much time with people, I get exhausted and I can't think straight. I start using other people's mannerisms instead of my own. I'm not an introvert, or an extrovert, I think the dichotomy is stupid and people have completely separate needs that deplete and recharge at their own rates. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/169 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── @user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body language spoke for them. I'll try that next time. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/1381 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │ └────────────────────────────────────┘ I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I was a bit starved for attention. but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to give so that you don't leave me. Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/3638 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: NSFW-content-mentioned │ └────────────────────────────────┘ @user-206 @user-1576 sounds like I should have spent more time there. I was always pretty good at convincing readers that the person I was arguing with was wrong or an asshole. Or both. At least, the Reddit upvote / downvote system told me so. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/1950 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns, or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/4088 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet because I don't have anyone else to talk to. Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between computers. ... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk back.] I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of another person's generated conversation. Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine [if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha] and that somehow feels more... freeing like a truly disconnected thought and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts. ... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit. [proceeds to never edit a single post] = so = ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they be done ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/3975 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── @user-1631 for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently. I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything. downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not ideal. ... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point you toward people who "get" you. like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's just... me, but different shades of me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/2104 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── @user-192 oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about myself. So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/3584 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: drugs-mentioned │ └──────────────────────┘ "If I look like a fool, it'll keep eyes on me instead of looking at my friends who are stoned and paranoid" maybe the friends are paranoid because you're acting like a dork and drawing attention to the group ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/4540 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────── most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you. everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects. some people don't feel emotions I think they're just depressed some people can't stop won't stop, I say. really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true I think they're alright. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/1157 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: personal-woe │ └──────────────────────┘ oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9 days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then. Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and you'll be good. what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away" time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole "dropping out" thing. If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do" that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice. my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I have blankets >.> ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ --- #11 messages/214 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── Gonna take a break from this whole thing. I got a sign that I'm a bad person, twice. To confirm. I need to change, and since I don't know what I'm just going to try and do nothing for a bit. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/3444 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │ └─────────────────────────────────────────┘ I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days. side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of sore losers storming the capital with guns. it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #13 notes/what-are-breakups-for --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry. OF COURSE you'll be sad. it's okay. it's natural. it's human. don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain. brb getting smashed (okay but please put some clothes on) -.- fine ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I can't fucking relax the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism this fucking sucks I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years?? jeez like.... yeah I'm flawed *of course* I'm flawed I'm a human being humans are imperfect ... ugh er, sorry, "bleurg" I'm going to eat a burrito ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me. see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day henceforth. ... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not ideal. I swear I'll be better. there are no false starts, only probing strikes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/4855 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────── "you should be acting like these people want to destroy you."me, to me ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/935 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── @user-171 I guess so. She's a little useless without me, I mean if I left her alone she'd probably just flop around and complain until I came back. But she's good for the instincts I find. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ --- #16 messages/108 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────── I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic (because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me argumentatively are improving me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/2297 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── Lying wide awake at night with things that I want to say drifting through my mind one by one getting up to write them down? forgetting them all. I think I'm just gonna leave my computer online to reduce friction hehe. up and down, till everyone's in town, maybe I'll nap between tweets. [they're called toots here, dummy] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/4439 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: suicide-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ I would never kill myself just want to put it out there. I'd rather face torture and shame and confinement than die by my own hand. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #19 fediverse/2381 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── I smile at each and every person I pass on the street. Unless it looks like they're having a bad day, and then I try to switch to neutral as fast as I can so they can feel their feelings without me interjecting and making it about me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/4543 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────── @user-1698 Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist? I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being there terrifies me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘ |