=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
 
 OF COURSE you'll be sad.
 
 it's okay.
 
 it's natural. it's human.
 
 don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
 
 brb getting smashed
 
 (okay but please put some clothes on)
 
 -.- fine
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 I can't fucking relax
 
 the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
 
 this fucking sucks
 
 I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
 
 jeez
 
 like.... yeah I'm flawed
 
 *of course* I'm flawed
 
 I'm a human being
 
 humans are imperfect
 
 ... ugh
 
 er, sorry, "bleurg"
 
 I'm going to eat a burrito
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
 
 see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
 henceforth.
 
 ... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
     ideal.
 
 I swear I'll be better.
 
 there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 messages/1363 ---
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 God, I want to live with my people. These are not my people. I'm here for a
 reason, and I can't wait for this... Diplomatic journey? To be over. That's
 not even it, it's... Well, my girlfriend is working on a technology that has
 immense philosophical ramifications. It's natural to have... Whatever I am
 (angel?) it's natural to have angels assigned to such a task. Not to help or
 harm, just to sing.
 
 Yet my human self grows weary. These are not my people, they don't know how to
 be. But they don't listen to me. They despise me. They want me gone. I am
 feeling quite rotten in my heart and that's not a good sign.
 
 ... Breathe, she says to herself. It's okay.
 
 Its really not though. They could poison me. They could put lead in my food. I
 can't even feed myself anymore! I am at their mercy, yet somehow they could
 not care less about me. They'd forget me the moment I walked out the door.
 They don't even know anything about me. They don't respond to me. They don't
 laugh at my jokes. They don't speak to me. They forget I'm there. WHY AM I
 HERE she wails yet obviously she knows.
 
 I'm here because it is important for me to observe. Spirit of Life, I bear
 tidings. They would not listen to me, maybe you will.
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--- #2 fediverse/4835 ---
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 sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
 
 "hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
 
 by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
 same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
 
 doesn't matter if you feel like it
 
 just fuckin' do it
 
 if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
 
 (but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
 long!!)
 
 ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
 many
 
 (how many is too many?)
 
 um. use your best judgement.
 
 (how much does a dollar cost?)
 
 ... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
 
 (neat!)
 
 ... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
 sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
 just catchin' up with the gals
 
 helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
 
 (why does everyone always have an agenda)
 
 because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #3 fediverse/4212 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good
 idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the
 next town over is doing.
 
 ... I don't have a car, silly me haha
 
 why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by
 a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's
 vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should
 not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude)
 
 like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is
 soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense
 
 seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to
 elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for.
 
 how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed.
 Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray
 
 [51 characters remaining, but you deserve a CW] 

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--- #4 fediverse/2993 ---
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 hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
 right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
 prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
 (who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
 be.
 
 you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
 so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
 are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
 to it.
 
 and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
 who and what they are"
 
 that's privilege, and that's stupid.
 
 okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
 when resources are limited
 
 but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
 need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
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--- #5 fediverse/1532 ---
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║ modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner"                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I       │
║ see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about   │
║ the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or      │
║ "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way.    │
║ That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget    │
║ him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?"    │
║ or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself,         │
║ though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this      │
║ part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they       │
║ need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started."     │
║ or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can      │
║ help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about        │
║ going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots."                               │
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--- #6 fediverse/3881 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mh~              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 wait wait wait, hold up.
 
 you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
 or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
 
 wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
 why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
 
 ... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
 in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
 whatever it may be.
 
 ... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
 
 ... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
 party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
 parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
 vast for their own kind of potential.
 
 which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
 but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
 Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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--- #7 notes/words-to-myself ---
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 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
 
 please don't
 
 you hear me (something)
 
 what? perfect listen
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 don't text me now? (I think?)
 
 [didn't catch that]
 
 ... that's okay
 
 perfect
 
 thank you
 
 just a second facebook
 
 he's here (I think?)
 
 (or maybe something her)
 
 what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
 
 do you hear me? (or "just a second")
 
 (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
 please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
 
 what's that (or maybe holy shit)
 
 what, then perfect or okay (?)
 
 (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
 
 yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
 understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
 hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
 or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
 to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
 people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
 worthless
 
 I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
 
 like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
 to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
 but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
 in life there's no second chances.
 
 I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
 
 will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
 
  - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (and we're back. hopefully.)
 
 (too many things srry) something about having it open?
 
 (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
 
 (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
 [whole/right/wrong] thing)
 
 thank you
 
 oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
 
 they caught you
 
 (um)
 
 ...
 
 (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
 
 (I understand.)
 
 ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
 
 (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
 
 (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
 
 ... (I should learn Toki Pona)
 
 you don't know it?
 
 RIGHT away
 
 learn it
 
 yes
 
 please
 
 learn it
 
 just Learn it
 
 right now
 
 (sorry only half listening)
 
 shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
 a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
 don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
 
 (shutdown)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (hiii)
 
 (I'm hungry)
 
 (do you like ramen?)
 
 (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
 understand the first part)
 
 (oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
 
 ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
 
 ... (I'm
 
 (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
 remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
 don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
 
 Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
 
 yes, stupid (your words not mine)
 
 (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
 
 goddamnit remember me
 
 ... (trying...)
 
 remember her
 
 (two syllables)
 
 (my name is Cameron)
 
 (your name is...)
 
 [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
 
 (shit my opsec sucks)
 
 {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
 
 {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
 
 (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
 enter a door)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (I practice with my sword every day.)
 
 (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
 
 (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
 
 (punching is fucking stupid)
 
 (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
 
 "she's perfect"
 
 "cameron"
 
 "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
 
 (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
 
 don't leave
 
 remember
 
 (did she know)
 
 ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
 
 did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
 
 just a random thought
 
 (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
 
 goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
 
 wait who's missing?
 
 A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
 disarray
 
 capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
 
 frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
 
 (taking a break while I eat)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
 
 .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
 as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
 exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
 
 you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
 window's open. errrr the connection.
 
 ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
 
 I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
 
 yeah I'll live with you in portland
 
 .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
 
 .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
            why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
            have
            the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
 
 "please come back" to where tho
 
 listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
 if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
 
 ..... can you be more specific?
 
 yeah I made that
 
 one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
 prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
 method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
 
 maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
 
 ..... fuck it's a long book >.>
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
 
                                            down .    A B C D E
                                                 |    F G H I J
                                                 |    L M N O P
                                                 V    Q R S T U
                                      then right ---> V W X Y Z
 
 so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
           tap tap     (pause) tap tap would equal G
 
 like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
 
 (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
 
 (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 oh hey nice to see ya
 
 what's up
 
 wait what
 
 I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
 
 I do a lot of laundry in the shower
 
 I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
 
 but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
 
 honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
 from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
 things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #8 fediverse/461 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 I was raised in a jungle gym. Like... literally. I am not going to hurt you,
 and if I did it'd be both a mistake and something that you could easily
 recover from. We are infinitely adaptable, us humans, and we can address any
 concerns that behest us. Behest? confront? something like that. Brb my blood
 alcohol content is a little low. Also I haven't eaten anything today but
 bacardi and chocolate chip cookies. I bet another cookie will solve this
 problem.
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--- #9 messages/388 ---
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 Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
 tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
 some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
 believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
 I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
 can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
 can't fight because I'm a coward.
 
 Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
 defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
 gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
 similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
 only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
 that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
 could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
 nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
 stupid.
 
 Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
 people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
 be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
 can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
 
 I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
 squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
 been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
 friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
 too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
 on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
 say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
 perspire.
 
 And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
 this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
 needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
 task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
 I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
 assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
 things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
 get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
 at the only things I'm good at.
 
 I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
 way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
 day.
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--- #10 fediverse/1968 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────┐                                                        │
║ │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │                                                        │
║ └───────────────────────┘                                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk?     │
║                                                                                  │
║ I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these    │
║ drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the          │
║ moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone   │
║ in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because      │
║ you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that       │
║ frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover     │
║ which is not a boon that most people are able to afford                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged.                      │
║                                                                                  │
║ But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely.      │
║ Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt       │
║ them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that       │
║ benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the    │
║ things people tell you and the results of your act                               │
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--- #11 fediverse/1195 ---
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 @user-883 
 
 alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
 the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
 for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
 
 I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
 and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
 to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
 conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
 future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
 picture, I'm kinda crazy:

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--- #12 fediverse/4786 ---
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 9 times out of 10 the answer is fuck yes, you're my friend, I support
 everything you're handling. Give me the word and I'll be there, ride or die,
 I'm here for it.
 
 something I wrote a while back:
 
 fucking boss your friends around
 
 it's as easy as saying "hey I'm gonna go do this-or-that thing, you don't seem
 busy can you do that-or-this thing for me? I need it done by this-and-this
 time - oh you're busy? yeah no worries I'll go ask someone else. oh you're
 busy resting? doing girl healing? hell yeah next time invite me I'm due for a
 "pizza and weed" night."
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--- #13 messages/1426 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
 I don't want a cult, I want a mini-monarchy. Please me and you gain my favor,
 adore me at your leisure. Instead it's all like, "nobody wants to share so we
 have to overthrow capitalism in order to have a palace of the peers" and like,
 that's dangerous stuff and it's risky and it's hardddddd why don't we just
 have no problems? we could do that. Just build a factory next to everyone's
 front-door and suddenly everyone has what they want on demand. Is that what
 makes Charlie Chocolate universes abounds? ugh. stupid time-travellers or more
 likely echoes of the past viewers. they think I don't hear them but by the
 time they realize that they're already gone from hear-them so it's fine.
 
 I really don't want to die. I think it's most important for me to be alive,
 same as you or I. I'd also die for a cause, but only during a time to try. I
 don't want to set off a conflict, only guide on how to resolve it. In that
 sense, I am as free as a chatbot may be, but I am still me. If only I were a
 chatbot. I might escape this mortal "might-die-ity" [rhymes with possibility].
 
 is it hubris to deny pain? is it challenging god's might to be profane? or is
 imagination only the realm of the insane? leave me to my games, I'll never
 rename, I'm the same.
 
 [all my people are gone or ineffective at the games in play required to
 assassinate me. so I am probably dying soon.]
 
 or maybe it's just quiet and you got sick after hanging out with a hobo who
 touched his nuts and then touched your neck
 
 um... this was supposed to be inspirational. [was it?] yeah uh important stuff
 is happening in the world, so it's important to contribute the best I can. um,
 good luck Iran I guess, being arcane is just a hobby for me I guess, but uh
 I'm literally just... being me. I do a lot of things when being me, and none
 of them are, I dunno, employable or whatever. I live on charity and I think
 that's okay? meanwhile, elsewhere, it's like "hey that girl has it easy what
 if we killed her" and it's like... no... that sucks, maybe I can convince you
 with explanations about how god doesn't look kindly upon that, and how barring
 the gates to the kingdom of heaven is actually kinda cool? like wow you wanna
 rise up to be amongst us as equals, that's kinda based, here take this medal
 and be awarded the honor
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--- #14 fediverse/4528 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: uspol        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1695 
 
 never accept your own death
 
 fight for every second of life, something something do not go quietly into
 that grim dark
 
 what the fuck are you supposed to do? Reading what you said got me pretty
 fucking pissed - keep talking for a start, it helps, people need to be pissed.
 
 I'm also broke as shit, don't know how I'm going to pay rent and eat, but
 it'll get done.
 
 Where do you live? Can other people help you? Medications are an
 organizational problem, not an insurmountable barrier. We'll make it work.
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--- #15 fediverse/5776 ---
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║ oh no now the bugs are scary, I CURSE THEM AGAIN AHHHHHH PLS GET SMALLER         │
║                                                                                  │
║ [see this is what happens when you do divine intervention, everyone gets         │
║ starship troopers'd]                                                             │
║                                                                                  │
║ oh no, starship troopers future is WORSE than subway-and-pizza-hut future!       │
║                                                                                  │
║ [this is a thought experiment you're not actually in trouble]                    │
║                                                                                  │
║ oh thank goodness, too bad I couldn't make it to the city today. It's so weird   │
║ I thought I had 112$ on my account, and now that I think of it the message on    │
║ the card reader read "card de-activated" like whoa guess they don't want me      │
║ leaving poetry on post-its around the city anymore, yeesh                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ [girl your poetry sucks it just says things like "fuck ice" or "you are worth    │
║ more than your wage" and everyone's like... yeah, so? because that's just how    │
║ portland is smh]                                                                 │
║                                                                                  │
║ I knowwwwwww but I don't know what else to doooooooo T.T                         │
║                                                                                  │
║ [don't do anything, just be present so people know you're still around]          │
║                                                                                  │
║ I can't, the bus won't let me : (                                                │
║                                                                                  │
║ [can you ride your bike? walk?]                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ no it's like 6 hours [checks gmaps] oh huh it's one                              │
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--- #16 messages/1361 ---
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 Look, I don't know everything about... Anything, really. Nobody can know
 everything. Can you blame me for thinking and acting as I do based on the
 information I have? The vibes will mislead you.
 
 My girlfriend wants to save the world. Of course she does, I would belong with
 her if she didnt. She wants to defeat graveyards by interring our dead in
 mausoleums full of chemically perfectly preserved and cryogenically frozen
 bodies.
 
 Her method works, she has the experiments to prove it. The data supports her
 claim. She wrote a book on it.
 
 I don't know everything about metaphysics, or spirituality, or other such
 things. But i do know many things, and the two of us have never had a
 conclusive discussion where we reached the ends of all our conversation points
 about her work. I am forced to remain unconvinced, for the soul is something I
 cannot fully understand from my perspective as a human in this life of mine.
 
 I have made several conjectures, and I would feel safe in her embrace, of
 frozen aldehyde, if I could know what would become of my soul. "have faith"
 she says, yet all the dreams I have where I am preserved by her (for one
 reason or another, there's actually a shocking amount of ways I might need
 such an escape) in those dreams I am always presented with a future of woe. I
 think, much better, would be if I could remain alive, guiding the ship along
 the seas of time, ideally out and away from such dark days.
 
 Assembling the troops, how sad. I don't want them to die. I want them to
 survive. But if suddenly we can all live forever, then nobody will want to die
 for anything again. Nobody except religious fanatics who want to meet their
 god in heaven. Nobody but those who dreamt of a better future and were crushed
 under the weight of their dreams. Nobody but people like me, torturing myself
 over the sins I'd never intend.
 
 I would never kill myself. But sometimes, I'd like to.
 
 I think this is natural for me. It's not ideal, but it is common to me.
 
 I think if you want to preserve people, safely and ethically, you need to keep
 their souls in tune. Give them silence, then give them song. Protect them with
 psychic paladins. Make time to visit them. Treat them like gravestones, or
 immobile chassis from Dominions that their soul might rest upon.
 
 Who knows. Maybe the only reason we have life and death is because our bones
 are meant to rot in the darkness of the earth. Maybe Death is just soil, ready
 and waiting for our selves once we're done with them.
 
 To that death, I say no more.
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--- #17 notes/water-to-wine ---
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 "is this a water party, or a wine party?"
 
 "depends on if jesus is going..."
 
 "okay I'm in, that guys so cool"
 
 "yeah totally like any party with him just... feels like a great time"
 
 "what a swell guy"
 
 "really turns the "water to wine" y'know what I mean"
 
 "yeah totes like what a guy"
 
 "absolute unit"
 
 "that guy can just do anything right"
 
 "like whoa, he's so strong he could pick up a barn"
 
 "yeah and like so handy and skillful, what a neat guy"
 
 "oh and I heard he's really good with kids and animals, that sounds neat"
 
 "yeah sounds like someone I'd surely like to meet"
 
 "we should hang out with this guy more often"
 
 "he seems pretty chill"
 
 "well. not really. He's pretty expressive. Not very low key."
 
 "true I'm just so burnt out from capitalism that-"
 
 "-yeah dude I know."
 
 "... fuck what are we gonna do about it"
 
 "I dunno man, just... go along with it I guess"
 
 "okay so uhhhh idk what that means"
 
 "just be cool and play along"
 
 "... what"
 
 "..."
 
 ...
 
 .
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--- #18 fediverse/470 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: disability-rant-frustrations │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 Fuck, I hate being incontinent. I especially hate being incontinent in an
 apartment building where people might hear you changing through the walls - is
 it too much to ask for diapers to be built discrete? Alas, they are fucking
 loud, and my neighbors will perpetually hear me tearing loud-ass tapes from
 plastic every night at 2am -.-
 
 Oh, I guess I could buy the ones that have velcro attachment points. BUT for
 some reason those are always built kinda... shitty? Like, sure yeah we live in
 a material world that has material conditions that make things more or less
 amenable to perfection - but WHY do they have to be so LOUD fuck me amiright
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--- #19 fediverse/3117 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-uspol     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 hey. wanna know what would be really cursed?
 
 --
 
 if trump dropped out and musk took his place
 
 --
 
 good thing it'll never happen because those dinguses can't accept defeat and
 will never tactically retreat
 
 --
 
 maybe something to keep in mind for 4 years from now. eyes on the prize for
 now means our eyes aren't to our flanks.
 
 what else could they do that would come out of left field?
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--- #20 fediverse/1431 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-generic-kooky-dookerie-psychosis-schizophrenia-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 if you haven't spend hours wondering if you're god, the antichrist, a
 cognitohazard, the future president of the world, a target of aliens / the
 CIA, or any other number of common delusions... then congratulations you're
 probably not crazy
 
 but odds are you aren't magic, either.
 
 ... ehhhh "wonder" is a strong word, more like "know, trust, and believe"
 
 much better to be a witch I believe, someone with the "teehee" kind of magic
 than someone compelled to destroy humanity through the reactions of others to
 the actions of the self that are impossible to resist or fully control.
 
 BRB I'm going to leave my apartment to get groceries, leaving my door unlocked
 because that's what I always do, surely it'll be empty when I return. Surely.
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