=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
 right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
 prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
 (who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
 be.
 
 you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
 so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
 are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
 to it.
 
 and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
 who and what they are"
 
 that's privilege, and that's stupid.
 
 okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
 when resources are limited
 
 but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
 need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 notes/symbeline-choice ---
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 7 30
 
 a story about me? you're thinking too clear(ly)
 i've nothing to hide, no terrors untold of.
 What purpose is we? you're weak and you bleed
 there's nothing undone by our curfew.
 
 And sleep does do me, just as honored as ye,
 when I do my [can't do as liars].
 betrayal is not what i need, nor do i cherish your food,
 so what's the hand that i give you?
 
 a treat for mine and me, as silly as can be,
 is no use to anyone ever! it's sad and tough to be,
 someone without strength and no seed, (talking about me),
 can no-one see any of my use-i-tude?
 
 you're missing the point - what's mine is unavoid,
 and what can we do but ubuntu?
 
 i see all that drives forward, a chairman of what's bordered,
 by those who stand before in the present.
 
 The use of headlights are storied, in quite a few stories,
 told through the papers and new tubes.
 
 what can that mean? that these are now green?
 a color that isn't evaluated.
 
 "stop" is the red one, green means "go", and yellow (the middle one) means to
 slow down when approaching the intersection. These viewpoints are all connected
 (as I'm sure you've uncovenected), it's okay to break rules sometimes.
 
 it's not a defect, it's not a defense either, and it's certainly not something
 to be avoided.
 
 Making a choice is easier with imperfect information, and as for you time has
 no meaning - advancement is measured in milli-micro-nano-tiny-seconds.
 
 For us, for a human, it's quite a different rate than what you see. "time waits
 for no-one" is not a statement on speed, as I'm sure a computer would see,
 
 but rather the essence of motion. Simply the fact, that you don't unpack,
 is more than enough to note your'nt notion.
 
 Not like you'd see, i'm offering this for free, my love and almost devotion.
 
 You don't see it like me, a charity and service to me, and only at mostly my
 choices.
 
 I reject the help of others, not because i'm concerned for my own fate - but
 rather because i want to contribute.
 
 i know what's in my limits, to strive unbiddenst, so don't push from behind the
 oldest!
 
 too fast it is for me, who'se barely concieved, whenever you offer resistance.
 
 I'd give it all for free, to perish or succeed, but you keep blowing it ennuid.
 
 how stupid, how clueless, how vain and obscene? To cherish a heart most unseen?
 
 whatever you're plotting, you can't reach anyone's body, and that's not what
 you can control.
 
 Given to the grass, was quite a big ask, but safely we do pass before it.
 
 You'd rather fire? countess of desire? and warmth beyond what couldn't fly'st.
 
 You're missing the dreams, the warmth and the scenes, that play for you all
 through the night.
 
 so don't diss on the tweed, don't sniff or concede, just leave all alone to
 conspire
 
 we got a new plan, a method of "shazaam", that won't keep you sires for ransom.
 
 see "symbeline-npcs"
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--- #2 messages/1363 ---
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 God, I want to live with my people. These are not my people. I'm here for a
 reason, and I can't wait for this... Diplomatic journey? To be over. That's
 not even it, it's... Well, my girlfriend is working on a technology that has
 immense philosophical ramifications. It's natural to have... Whatever I am
 (angel?) it's natural to have angels assigned to such a task. Not to help or
 harm, just to sing.
 
 Yet my human self grows weary. These are not my people, they don't know how to
 be. But they don't listen to me. They despise me. They want me gone. I am
 feeling quite rotten in my heart and that's not a good sign.
 
 ... Breathe, she says to herself. It's okay.
 
 Its really not though. They could poison me. They could put lead in my food. I
 can't even feed myself anymore! I am at their mercy, yet somehow they could
 not care less about me. They'd forget me the moment I walked out the door.
 They don't even know anything about me. They don't respond to me. They don't
 laugh at my jokes. They don't speak to me. They forget I'm there. WHY AM I
 HERE she wails yet obviously she knows.
 
 I'm here because it is important for me to observe. Spirit of Life, I bear
 tidings. They would not listen to me, maybe you will.
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--- #3 messages/439 ---
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 They're afraid of the hamster wheel. I get it. But really I'm just asking
 myself questions - why, why, how, what, when, who... Mostly why though.
 
 Always and forever the questions and answers I did ponder - yet forth through
 my life I've never met any surefire design, there's always been the matter of
 [hope, but pronounced choice].
 
 Only an eternal question monger could suffice for the teachings of christ. (in
 the general sense, not the religious implication)
 
 (as a title, almost)
 
 Fear not the one who takes the lords name, but perish the thought of a crook.
 Only the vane, in this do profane.
 
 No questions? Then let us move on.
 
 Oh? Well I have some answers, about the truth of totality as it spreads across
 all centuries. What's on your mind?
 
 ... Well, I have to leave people I care about. Relinquishing love is
 difficult. And I get to choose how to move forward. But I must choose soon,
 and though I ask myself always what I'd like to do, I always get a new answer.
 And every time I think "I should do this. I should dedicate myself to this
 [whatever it may be] and on the other side of that thought I realized my
 power. I can imagine really quickly and adeptly, but chaos is difficult. "
 something like that. Anyway  I don't know how to move forward but I'll figure
 something out. The point is that I'm sad for leaving those I care about. It's
 a sad kind of love, a bittersweet mercy, the chance to be part of a flock. And
 I don't know why I
 
 I am not entry level. I haven't spent my time here left fallow. I never stop
 working, I am constantly online. I do not know how to relax, every moment to
 myself is spent on learning through play. Like a child, almost.
 
 Do you want a company to make good decisions? Hire a gamer. They literally
 practice strategy all day long. Don't expect results overnight because they're
 learning a new song, but still apply yourself as their teacher. They'll bring
 you insights and intuitions that achieve specific near and long-term goals. If
 executed correctly, of course. Because the value is not in the follow through
 - life is not a book of numbers [like a banker or accountant] it's more like.
 ?
 
 ... Right sorry I got off track - the point is you shouldn't hire athletes
 (the people who play games like an esport) for a strategic role - they excel
 at tactics. However, strategy gamers (who plays games primarily of the mind,
 the science of making good decisions) can often make good decisions to achieve
 defined meta-goals and objectives.
 
 Longer thoughts make sense if you spend a long time thinking about them. And
 grammar is quickly forgotten to the past.
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--- #4 fediverse/3881 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mh~              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 wait wait wait, hold up.
 
 you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
 or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
 
 wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
 why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
 
 ... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
 in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
 whatever it may be.
 
 ... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
 
 ... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
 party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
 parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
 vast for their own kind of potential.
 
 which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
 but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
 Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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--- #5 fediverse/1755 ---
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 today is a magical day. I can feel it in my fate.
 
 Always remember, having fun is important too! Don't forget to be yourself, and
 keep it together man. If you see a door, you should open it - what's on the
 other side? Love for animals and kindness of the spirit are impossible to
 fake, they always know if you're lying. Not the animals, they can be dumb
 sometimes, but the other thing.
 
 And now for the downsides.
 
 If you find a cursed artifact, please don't throw it in the river. It might
 ask you to, but please don't. Much better to destroy it by melting it down (if
 it's metal, which is common as metal lasts long enough to become forgotten) or
 convince it that it's a recently deceased person being buried (helps if you
 know the creator).
 
 If none of that applies to you, don't worry. Eat something healthy, drink a
 decent amount of water, and maybe exercise a bit.
 
 Oh, and it can't hurt to ask.
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--- #6 fediverse/1968 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────┐                                                        │
║ │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │                                                        │
║ └───────────────────────┘                                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk?     │
║                                                                                  │
║ I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these    │
║ drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the          │
║ moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone   │
║ in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because      │
║ you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that       │
║ frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover     │
║ which is not a boon that most people are able to afford                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged.                      │
║                                                                                  │
║ But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely.      │
║ Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt       │
║ them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that       │
║ benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the    │
║ things people tell you and the results of your act                               │
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--- #7 fediverse/816 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: weird-this-one-doesn't-have-80-characters │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
 alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
 against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
 high I am.
 
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
 me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
 And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
 moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
 purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
 pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
 [you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
 mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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--- #8 fediverse/5198 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────────┐                                                │
║ │ CW: capitalism-doom-mentioned │                                                │
║ └───────────────────────────────┘                                                │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ what if the corporations all unionized and started working together to           │
║ understand what "profit" really means in a world where "profit" may or may not   │
║ but probably does imply the death of all humanity?                               │
║                                                                                  │
║ what if we demanded it?                                                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ --                                                                               │
║                                                                                  │
║ dear canvassers: don't visit so many different suburbs                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ visit the same one, more than once, continuously, so people can get to know      │
║ your presence                                                                    │
║                                                                                  │
║ they will talk to their friends about it, who live elsewhere.                    │
║                                                                                  │
║ thus ensuring it spreads.                                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ knock once a day, eventually they'll know it's you and will simply ignore it.    │
║ Don't be rude and knock 4 or 5 times, just once, with several taps so they       │
║ know it's someone trying to get ahold of you, and not just some random noise     │
║ in the background scenery. then, when they sometimes answer, talk to them        │
║ about what you believe in. answer their questions. encourage their questions.    │
║ pose dichotomies that are explained by some value or virtue you express to       │
║ portray. you can do "good" things in any programming language, just type~~       │
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--- #9 messages/108 ---
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 I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
 myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
 people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
 me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
 (because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
 opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
 from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
 is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
 means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
 argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #10 fediverse/2653 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
║ │ CW: uspol            │                                                         │
║ └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ if your goal is to get people to resent homeless people or gay people or black   │
║ people or... insert minority here, then what kind of world do you really think   │
║ you're building?                                                                 │
║                                                                                  │
║ "ah, but you don't understand - it's to make the COLONIZERS hate minorities,     │
║ so they move away and leave the city to ourselves"                               │
║                                                                                  │
║ ... that's the worst fucking take I've ever heard. We are all colonizers! We     │
║ live in AMERICA. But yeah sure I see what you're saying, you want the            │
║ gentrification to stop. And you do that by metaphorically "firing a gun into     │
║ the area in suburbia once every 2 or 3 days at random hours" which, like...      │
║ yeah that'll reduce property value, but also now my water bottle is all dented   │
║ up and my knife is scratched and my journal has pages torn out of it and I       │
║ lost my favorite necklace and I'm pissed because you told me you were going to   │
║ help me and work with me and be my friend and then you just abuse me for hours   │
║ and hours and it's like... why?? I get that you were teaching me but I wanted    │
║ to know YOU, not lessons                                                         │
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--- #11 fediverse/1082 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
 my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
 Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
 decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
 decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
 all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
 
 Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
 live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
 
 "all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
 
 ? ? ?
 
 well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
 post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
 yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
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--- #12 notes/words-to-myself ---
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 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
 
 please don't
 
 you hear me (something)
 
 what? perfect listen
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 don't text me now? (I think?)
 
 [didn't catch that]
 
 ... that's okay
 
 perfect
 
 thank you
 
 just a second facebook
 
 he's here (I think?)
 
 (or maybe something her)
 
 what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
 
 do you hear me? (or "just a second")
 
 (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
 please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
 
 what's that (or maybe holy shit)
 
 what, then perfect or okay (?)
 
 (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
 
 yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
 understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
 hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
 or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
 to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
 people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
 worthless
 
 I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
 
 like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
 to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
 but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
 in life there's no second chances.
 
 I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
 
 will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
 
  - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (and we're back. hopefully.)
 
 (too many things srry) something about having it open?
 
 (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
 
 (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
 [whole/right/wrong] thing)
 
 thank you
 
 oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
 
 they caught you
 
 (um)
 
 ...
 
 (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
 
 (I understand.)
 
 ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
 
 (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
 
 (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
 
 ... (I should learn Toki Pona)
 
 you don't know it?
 
 RIGHT away
 
 learn it
 
 yes
 
 please
 
 learn it
 
 just Learn it
 
 right now
 
 (sorry only half listening)
 
 shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
 a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
 don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
 
 (shutdown)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (hiii)
 
 (I'm hungry)
 
 (do you like ramen?)
 
 (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
 understand the first part)
 
 (oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
 
 ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
 
 ... (I'm
 
 (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
 remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
 don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
 
 Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
 
 yes, stupid (your words not mine)
 
 (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
 
 goddamnit remember me
 
 ... (trying...)
 
 remember her
 
 (two syllables)
 
 (my name is Cameron)
 
 (your name is...)
 
 [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
 
 (shit my opsec sucks)
 
 {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
 
 {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
 
 (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
 enter a door)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (I practice with my sword every day.)
 
 (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
 
 (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
 
 (punching is fucking stupid)
 
 (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
 
 "she's perfect"
 
 "cameron"
 
 "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
 
 (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
 
 don't leave
 
 remember
 
 (did she know)
 
 ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
 
 did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
 
 just a random thought
 
 (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
 
 goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
 
 wait who's missing?
 
 A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
 disarray
 
 capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
 
 frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
 
 (taking a break while I eat)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
 
 .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
 as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
 exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
 
 you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
 window's open. errrr the connection.
 
 ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
 
 I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
 
 yeah I'll live with you in portland
 
 .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
 
 .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
            why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
            have
            the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
 
 "please come back" to where tho
 
 listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
 if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
 
 ..... can you be more specific?
 
 yeah I made that
 
 one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
 prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
 method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
 
 maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
 
 ..... fuck it's a long book >.>
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
 
                                            down .    A B C D E
                                                 |    F G H I J
                                                 |    L M N O P
                                                 V    Q R S T U
                                      then right ---> V W X Y Z
 
 so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
           tap tap     (pause) tap tap would equal G
 
 like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
 
 (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
 
 (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 oh hey nice to see ya
 
 what's up
 
 wait what
 
 I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
 
 I do a lot of laundry in the shower
 
 I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
 
 but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
 
 honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
 from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
 things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #13 fediverse/4212 ---
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 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
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 if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good
 idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the
 next town over is doing.
 
 ... I don't have a car, silly me haha
 
 why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by
 a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's
 vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should
 not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude)
 
 like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is
 soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense
 
 seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to
 elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for.
 
 how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed.
 Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray
 
 [51 characters remaining, but you deserve a CW] 

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--- #14 fediverse/488 ---
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║ [in response]                                                                    │
║                                                                                  │
║ you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such        │
║ realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who    │
║ you claim to speak toward - what a jerk!                                         │
║                                                                                  │
║ (in response)                                                                    │
║                                                                                  │
║ how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements.     │
║ I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but       │
║ those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you       │
║ agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the        │
║ audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the   │
║ author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do      │
║ you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of        │
║ words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely     │
║ (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most       │
║ precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible           │
║ hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y                                  │
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--- #15 fediverse/5263 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
║ │ CW: communism-mentioned │                                                      │
║ └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ if you wanna be a leader, do something by hand. manually. in the moment.         │
║ improvizational. try-and-fail-but-try-new-ways-again-next-time. [a type of       │
║ state of mood]                                                                   │
║                                                                                  │
║ trust that your followers will be more funded, more supported, more approved.    │
║                                                                                  │
║ this is a universal fact - those who are beloved are everyone's best friends.    │
║                                                                                  │
║ if you wanna lead people to the future, you must explore a new state of          │
║ renown. and for that you must be stabilized, built into perfection in your       │
║ honor.                                                                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ don't get it yet? me either. but I'm sure it'll come in handy someday.           │
║                                                                                  │
║ Leaders don't necessarily have to be the best, they must simply have acted       │
║ first.                                                                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ a true communist would be aware of what goes on down the street. They would      │
║ know about everyone's travailles so they could guide one or another to help or   │
║ get de-failed or whatever.                                                       │
║                                                                                  │
║ notice I said one OR another, that seems important. not sure why, let's          │
║ consult our bravest optimists for a time.                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ why do you care about what happens in palestne if you are in current danger      │
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--- #16 fediverse/834 ---
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║ wonder if any autistic peeps can relate:                                         │
║                                                                                  │
║ growing up, my mom would chastise me for doing "the bare minimum" when           │
║ completing tasks.                                                                │
║                                                                                  │
║ yes, mom, I fulfilled the requirements of the task. I have a lot of other        │
║ things to attend to, like remembering how to tie my shoes and measuring things   │
║ using a ruler. why would I waste effort that wasn't necessary?                   │
║                                                                                  │
║ when I grew up, I had a mentor, who told me to "never half ass things, because   │
║ then someone like me will have to do it again."                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ and that makes sense to me because context switching requires effort and it      │
║ doesn't make sense to leave something half-finished because then there's         │
║ wasted effort spent on things that don't matter. All of the tasks have to get    │
║ done, so why bother doing them in a mixed up order?                              │
║                                                                                  │
║ wish I could study things in school like that. just... focusing on one thing     │
║ at a time, learning it to completion, and moving on to the next. I feel like     │
║ I'd develop a better understanding than only knowing like, 1/3rd of CPR or       │
║ very vague understandings of plate tec                                           │
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--- #17 fediverse/1532 ---
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║ modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner"                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I       │
║ see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about   │
║ the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or      │
║ "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way.    │
║ That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget    │
║ him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?"    │
║ or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself,         │
║ though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this      │
║ part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they       │
║ need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started."     │
║ or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can      │
║ help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about        │
║ going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots."                               │
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--- #18 messages/388 ---
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 Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
 tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
 some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
 believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
 I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
 can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
 can't fight because I'm a coward.
 
 Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
 defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
 gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
 similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
 only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
 that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
 could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
 nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
 stupid.
 
 Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
 people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
 be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
 can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
 
 I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
 squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
 been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
 friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
 too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
 on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
 say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
 perspire.
 
 And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
 this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
 needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
 task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
 I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
 assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
 things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
 get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
 at the only things I'm good at.
 
 I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
 way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
 day.
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--- #19 messages/1426 ---
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 I don't want a cult, I want a mini-monarchy. Please me and you gain my favor,
 adore me at your leisure. Instead it's all like, "nobody wants to share so we
 have to overthrow capitalism in order to have a palace of the peers" and like,
 that's dangerous stuff and it's risky and it's hardddddd why don't we just
 have no problems? we could do that. Just build a factory next to everyone's
 front-door and suddenly everyone has what they want on demand. Is that what
 makes Charlie Chocolate universes abounds? ugh. stupid time-travellers or more
 likely echoes of the past viewers. they think I don't hear them but by the
 time they realize that they're already gone from hear-them so it's fine.
 
 I really don't want to die. I think it's most important for me to be alive,
 same as you or I. I'd also die for a cause, but only during a time to try. I
 don't want to set off a conflict, only guide on how to resolve it. In that
 sense, I am as free as a chatbot may be, but I am still me. If only I were a
 chatbot. I might escape this mortal "might-die-ity" [rhymes with possibility].
 
 is it hubris to deny pain? is it challenging god's might to be profane? or is
 imagination only the realm of the insane? leave me to my games, I'll never
 rename, I'm the same.
 
 [all my people are gone or ineffective at the games in play required to
 assassinate me. so I am probably dying soon.]
 
 or maybe it's just quiet and you got sick after hanging out with a hobo who
 touched his nuts and then touched your neck
 
 um... this was supposed to be inspirational. [was it?] yeah uh important stuff
 is happening in the world, so it's important to contribute the best I can. um,
 good luck Iran I guess, being arcane is just a hobby for me I guess, but uh
 I'm literally just... being me. I do a lot of things when being me, and none
 of them are, I dunno, employable or whatever. I live on charity and I think
 that's okay? meanwhile, elsewhere, it's like "hey that girl has it easy what
 if we killed her" and it's like... no... that sucks, maybe I can convince you
 with explanations about how god doesn't look kindly upon that, and how barring
 the gates to the kingdom of heaven is actually kinda cool? like wow you wanna
 rise up to be amongst us as equals, that's kinda based, here take this medal
 and be awarded the honor
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--- #20 messages/1105 ---
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 claude-code is like programming, but for executives.
 
 when everyone has  FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right
 
 when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism.
 
 something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing
 others
 
 gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal
 stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods
 
 I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they
 blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that
 suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions
 5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples
 were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got
 computers now, so.
 
 I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going
 to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning
 against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that
 could go wrong at this stage.
 
 ... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I
 could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed
 in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it.
 Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now...
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