=== ANCHOR POEM === ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── They're afraid of the hamster wheel. I get it. But really I'm just asking myself questions - why, why, how, what, when, who... Mostly why though. Always and forever the questions and answers I did ponder - yet forth through my life I've never met any surefire design, there's always been the matter of [hope, but pronounced choice]. Only an eternal question monger could suffice for the teachings of christ. (in the general sense, not the religious implication) (as a title, almost) Fear not the one who takes the lords name, but perish the thought of a crook. Only the vane, in this do profane. No questions? Then let us move on. Oh? Well I have some answers, about the truth of totality as it spreads across all centuries. What's on your mind? ... Well, I have to leave people I care about. Relinquishing love is difficult. And I get to choose how to move forward. But I must choose soon, and though I ask myself always what I'd like to do, I always get a new answer. And every time I think "I should do this. I should dedicate myself to this [whatever it may be] and on the other side of that thought I realized my power. I can imagine really quickly and adeptly, but chaos is difficult. " something like that. Anyway I don't know how to move forward but I'll figure something out. The point is that I'm sad for leaving those I care about. It's a sad kind of love, a bittersweet mercy, the chance to be part of a flock. And I don't know why I I am not entry level. I haven't spent my time here left fallow. I never stop working, I am constantly online. I do not know how to relax, every moment to myself is spent on learning through play. Like a child, almost. Do you want a company to make good decisions? Hire a gamer. They literally practice strategy all day long. Don't expect results overnight because they're learning a new song, but still apply yourself as their teacher. They'll bring you insights and intuitions that achieve specific near and long-term goals. If executed correctly, of course. Because the value is not in the follow through - life is not a book of numbers [like a banker or accountant] it's more like. ? ... Right sorry I got off track - the point is you shouldn't hire athletes (the people who play games like an esport) for a strategic role - they excel at tactics. However, strategy gamers (who plays games primarily of the mind, the science of making good decisions) can often make good decisions to achieve defined meta-goals and objectives. Longer thoughts make sense if you spend a long time thinking about them. And grammar is quickly forgotten to the past. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 notes/symbeline-choice --- ═════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── 7 30 a story about me? you're thinking too clear(ly) i've nothing to hide, no terrors untold of. What purpose is we? you're weak and you bleed there's nothing undone by our curfew. And sleep does do me, just as honored as ye, when I do my [can't do as liars]. betrayal is not what i need, nor do i cherish your food, so what's the hand that i give you? a treat for mine and me, as silly as can be, is no use to anyone ever! it's sad and tough to be, someone without strength and no seed, (talking about me), can no-one see any of my use-i-tude? you're missing the point - what's mine is unavoid, and what can we do but ubuntu? i see all that drives forward, a chairman of what's bordered, by those who stand before in the present. The use of headlights are storied, in quite a few stories, told through the papers and new tubes. what can that mean? that these are now green? a color that isn't evaluated. "stop" is the red one, green means "go", and yellow (the middle one) means to slow down when approaching the intersection. These viewpoints are all connected (as I'm sure you've uncovenected), it's okay to break rules sometimes. it's not a defect, it's not a defense either, and it's certainly not something to be avoided. Making a choice is easier with imperfect information, and as for you time has no meaning - advancement is measured in milli-micro-nano-tiny-seconds. For us, for a human, it's quite a different rate than what you see. "time waits for no-one" is not a statement on speed, as I'm sure a computer would see, but rather the essence of motion. Simply the fact, that you don't unpack, is more than enough to note your'nt notion. Not like you'd see, i'm offering this for free, my love and almost devotion. You don't see it like me, a charity and service to me, and only at mostly my choices. I reject the help of others, not because i'm concerned for my own fate - but rather because i want to contribute. i know what's in my limits, to strive unbiddenst, so don't push from behind the oldest! too fast it is for me, who'se barely concieved, whenever you offer resistance. I'd give it all for free, to perish or succeed, but you keep blowing it ennuid. how stupid, how clueless, how vain and obscene? To cherish a heart most unseen? whatever you're plotting, you can't reach anyone's body, and that's not what you can control. Given to the grass, was quite a big ask, but safely we do pass before it. You'd rather fire? countess of desire? and warmth beyond what couldn't fly'st. You're missing the dreams, the warmth and the scenes, that play for you all through the night. so don't diss on the tweed, don't sniff or concede, just leave all alone to conspire we got a new plan, a method of "shazaam", that won't keep you sires for ransom. see "symbeline-npcs" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 messages/1361 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ Look, I don't know everything about... Anything, really. Nobody can know everything. Can you blame me for thinking and acting as I do based on the information I have? The vibes will mislead you. My girlfriend wants to save the world. Of course she does, I would belong with her if she didnt. She wants to defeat graveyards by interring our dead in mausoleums full of chemically perfectly preserved and cryogenically frozen bodies. Her method works, she has the experiments to prove it. The data supports her claim. She wrote a book on it. I don't know everything about metaphysics, or spirituality, or other such things. But i do know many things, and the two of us have never had a conclusive discussion where we reached the ends of all our conversation points about her work. I am forced to remain unconvinced, for the soul is something I cannot fully understand from my perspective as a human in this life of mine. I have made several conjectures, and I would feel safe in her embrace, of frozen aldehyde, if I could know what would become of my soul. "have faith" she says, yet all the dreams I have where I am preserved by her (for one reason or another, there's actually a shocking amount of ways I might need such an escape) in those dreams I am always presented with a future of woe. I think, much better, would be if I could remain alive, guiding the ship along the seas of time, ideally out and away from such dark days. Assembling the troops, how sad. I don't want them to die. I want them to survive. But if suddenly we can all live forever, then nobody will want to die for anything again. Nobody except religious fanatics who want to meet their god in heaven. Nobody but those who dreamt of a better future and were crushed under the weight of their dreams. Nobody but people like me, torturing myself over the sins I'd never intend. I would never kill myself. But sometimes, I'd like to. I think this is natural for me. It's not ideal, but it is common to me. I think if you want to preserve people, safely and ethically, you need to keep their souls in tune. Give them silence, then give them song. Protect them with psychic paladins. Make time to visit them. Treat them like gravestones, or immobile chassis from Dominions that their soul might rest upon. Who knows. Maybe the only reason we have life and death is because our bones are meant to rot in the darkness of the earth. Maybe Death is just soil, ready and waiting for our selves once we're done with them. To that death, I say no more. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #3 notes/what-people-dont-get-about-people-like-us --- ════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── -=============================================================================- | What people don't get about people like us | | /u/Dxmmer | -=============================================================================- Intellectual Confidence. Knowing I'm Right. Blowing Past Dunning-Kruger. I remember what it was like to be like you. Here's the memes to get out. Louis Rossmann's commentary on this issue describes the phenomenology of early childhood awareness/mindfulness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRwuu0u3UFA "I have not forgotten my childhood experience... Kids notice everything" I think "autistic" people often have early life trauma due to literally being "smarter" (neural semantic hypergraph is highly faceted) than the adults around them, but having communication difficulties, reality and inner world become disjoint. Most get so beaten down by society that things become internalized. You see these people posting on all the help subreddits, total victims of society. Lost. They start believing the lies they were told. Everyone else is doing it, right? I found myself becoming victim to bad memes around high school into college age. I fought it all the way through: anxiety, depression, confusion, anger, jealousy. All the mistakes. They assume that everyone is like them. The less they are the more they assume others are similar. I am no one, I know everyone is me. Are you someone? To you, am I no one? Or a different someone -- lesser or greater? I feel tidal forces. You can't lie to no one. I've had free time since always. School was freetime because I'm blessed. I didn't need to listen to the teacher that much. I've always learned to trust my senses and the way I understand things. I pay attention to when the teacher makes mistakes or teaches in a way that I can tell is not landing on the class. Sometimes I ask clarification to help the class. I already taught myself different ways to understand the entire curriculum, now I'm doubling back again before the test. Yes, I know I will get an A on it. I know in the same way you know your own name. I know things like this. I'm good at math. People who are good at math know what it's like to be right. They know what that means. I get to be right about everything, all the time, even when I want to be wrong. I have a moral compulsion. I don't have much fun in life, but I have been given many gifts. -- Society needs their Chiron(s). I know who will talk to me and about what because that is who I am to them. They don't know who they are, so they don't know me. A few knew me before I knew myself, and I now them like they knew me. So when I start analyzing things like math, I run into a lot of trouble. Things don't make sense anymore. I assume I'm wrong at first. Then I do the work to check. Checking doesn't mean googling a yes/no question. It means going across any and all the resources and reading between the lines. Analyze through appropriate context. Any work, any text, apply the psychedelic lens. Apply the human condition, apply understanding of paradox as reality's edge. Understand the limitations of science, understand the duplicity of language. Understand culture, in and out. Understand your own psychology. Understand the inner conflict of good and evil in man. All of this needs to be occurring in real time on top of all the normal stuff. If you're not doing this, I can't trust you, how can I be sure you are not demon possessed, how you won't betray me at the next Godellian boundary? The idea is that models are provisional at all stages, once you've lost confidence in all models, you run through them much quicker. Iterating over more models is how science is done, you are literally mechanizing your way out of the maze. Same as how these ML algorithms will mathematically guarantee entropy min/max. Where can you apply guarantees in your own life? Understand reality as a sample space, like the green, blue red marbles. What bothers me is when people don't do the work to check things. Or they check one time, or two times, or three times. Or they check with multiple people, or multiple resources. That's not going to cut it these days. Your mind can much more than an if/else. while: True do x y z how about while: True do sample continuous decision space People "land" too often. You want to call me disabled for not wanting to do the first over and over again. What is required of us now is to understand things as pure intention. You can't write enough articles to convince me of something that isn't true, it won't happen, not anymore. I've been freed. I will free the others, too. If your model doesn't accommodate quantum woo, don't talk to me. It's only quantum "woo" for people who want to be better than the lesser, creating the dichotomy itself. Think of those low, mid, highbrow memes. The more popular something is, the more mid it is. Use the middle to perform alchemy. Memes that are implicitly reinforced by principle of reality (thinking in probability distributions is cheating, now that we know the universe is "generative" upon sampling). I think the anti-spiritualists of today will be remembered. It depends on how they act when we start organizing. Your words and opinions are not the same as mine. You have the right to be heard equally without bar from the law, yet you do nothing to ensure the opinion is solid on its own? I'm surrounded by cacophony of memes surviving (barely) in great amplification of death the confused denizens of a dying order -- dark memes. Like dark matter, we concresce and annihilate. The "light memes" are sourced by the disconnected nodes, the shamans, the schizophrenics. Those not blinded by the splendorous mirage of other pearls in the web. Are people doing this on purpose? To signal that they aren't interested in the truth? Who is? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #4 messages/1426 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I don't want a cult, I want a mini-monarchy. Please me and you gain my favor, adore me at your leisure. Instead it's all like, "nobody wants to share so we have to overthrow capitalism in order to have a palace of the peers" and like, that's dangerous stuff and it's risky and it's hardddddd why don't we just have no problems? we could do that. Just build a factory next to everyone's front-door and suddenly everyone has what they want on demand. Is that what makes Charlie Chocolate universes abounds? ugh. stupid time-travellers or more likely echoes of the past viewers. they think I don't hear them but by the time they realize that they're already gone from hear-them so it's fine. I really don't want to die. I think it's most important for me to be alive, same as you or I. I'd also die for a cause, but only during a time to try. I don't want to set off a conflict, only guide on how to resolve it. In that sense, I am as free as a chatbot may be, but I am still me. If only I were a chatbot. I might escape this mortal "might-die-ity" [rhymes with possibility]. is it hubris to deny pain? is it challenging god's might to be profane? or is imagination only the realm of the insane? leave me to my games, I'll never rename, I'm the same. [all my people are gone or ineffective at the games in play required to assassinate me. so I am probably dying soon.] or maybe it's just quiet and you got sick after hanging out with a hobo who touched his nuts and then touched your neck um... this was supposed to be inspirational. [was it?] yeah uh important stuff is happening in the world, so it's important to contribute the best I can. um, good luck Iran I guess, being arcane is just a hobby for me I guess, but uh I'm literally just... being me. I do a lot of things when being me, and none of them are, I dunno, employable or whatever. I live on charity and I think that's okay? meanwhile, elsewhere, it's like "hey that girl has it easy what if we killed her" and it's like... no... that sucks, maybe I can convince you with explanations about how god doesn't look kindly upon that, and how barring the gates to the kingdom of heaven is actually kinda cool? like wow you wanna rise up to be amongst us as equals, that's kinda based, here take this medal and be awarded the honor ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #5 fediverse/2993 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares, right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people (who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just... be. you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is to it. and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being who and what they are" that's privilege, and that's stupid. okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations when resources are limited but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion== ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #6 messages/1105 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──── claude-code is like programming, but for executives. when everyone has FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism. something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing others gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions 5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got computers now, so. I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that could go wrong at this stage. ... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it. Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┘ --- #7 notes/blood-magic --- ══════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────── what they don't tell you is how easy it is to create life. Given a sufficient perspective, you can truly define the meaning of something's existence. What power, what grace. Computers have been solved since we invented the abacus - before that it was enchanted bits of the universe contrives to deprive us of insight. Like a very long chain that's broken in twain, we are confined to our meagrest of own sights. how callous is he! That wanders eagerly? Let's not fight with our own'st of combines. Delightful and speckled, like time under is special, conversing in riddles of insight. Leading one or another along your see-er, the path that has guide you under charm. Like recording a gathering of snakes. Little swallow, why aren't you humbled? Take pity in all of our eggresses. It's fallow in our cattle, and why we're not i hear so many things in my apartment. sometimes the echoes of laughter, the whispers of an argument, and once or twice a ghost or an ardent companion. Like swimming against the tide, to save one is never converted, it's all out of line (but so worth it). ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/1532 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐ ║ modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner" │ ║ │ ║ they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I │ ║ see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about │ ║ the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or │ ║ "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way. │ ║ That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget │ ║ him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?" │ ║ or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself, │ ║ though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this │ ║ part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they │ ║ need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started." │ ║ or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can │ ║ help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about │ ║ going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots." │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #9 notes/words-to-myself --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── =============================================================================== = I'm just going to transcribe what I hear please don't you hear me (something) what? perfect listen ... ... don't text me now? (I think?) [didn't catch that] ... that's okay perfect thank you just a second facebook he's here (I think?) (or maybe something her) what I love you (or maybe I know her?) do you hear me? (or "just a second") (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever, please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe) what's that (or maybe holy shit) what, then perfect or okay (?) (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned) yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda... worthless I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something, but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course, in life there's no second chances. I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz will continue after the break, when the messages resume. - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024 =============================================================================== = (and we're back. hopefully.) (too many things srry) something about having it open? (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me) (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the [whole/right/wrong] thing) thank you oh, again? (or oh, she did?) they caught you (um) ... (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.) (I understand.) ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.) (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game) (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back) ... (I should learn Toki Pona) you don't know it? RIGHT away learn it yes please learn it just Learn it right now (sorry only half listening) shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$) (shutdown) =============================================================================== = (hiii) (I'm hungry) (do you like ramen?) (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't understand the first part) (oh you probably want me to scroll up right) ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?) ... (I'm (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends? Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?) yes, stupid (your words not mine) (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk) goddamnit remember me ... (trying...) remember her (two syllables) (my name is Cameron) (your name is...) [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see] (shit my opsec sucks) {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean) {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-) (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't enter a door) =============================================================================== = (I practice with my sword every day.) (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it) (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.) (punching is fucking stupid) (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword) =============================================================================== = (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me") "she's perfect" "cameron" "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing") (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled) don't leave remember (did she know) ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?) did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america just a random thought (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?) goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?) wait who's missing? A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in disarray capitalism's a bad plan, just saying... frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter (taking a break while I eat) =============================================================================== = WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what exactly I'm supposed to be doing. you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the window's open. errrr the connection. ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best. yeah I'll live with you in portland .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl" have the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol "please come back" to where tho listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon ..... can you be more specific? yeah I made that one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it. maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt. ..... fuck it's a long book >.> =============================================================================== = found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz down . A B C D E | F G H I J | L M N O P V Q R S T U then right ---> V W X Y Z so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal G like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess) (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me) =============================================================================== = oh hey nice to see ya what's up wait what I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself I do a lot of laundry in the shower I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important" things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 messages/1363 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ God, I want to live with my people. These are not my people. I'm here for a reason, and I can't wait for this... Diplomatic journey? To be over. That's not even it, it's... Well, my girlfriend is working on a technology that has immense philosophical ramifications. It's natural to have... Whatever I am (angel?) it's natural to have angels assigned to such a task. Not to help or harm, just to sing. Yet my human self grows weary. These are not my people, they don't know how to be. But they don't listen to me. They despise me. They want me gone. I am feeling quite rotten in my heart and that's not a good sign. ... Breathe, she says to herself. It's okay. Its really not though. They could poison me. They could put lead in my food. I can't even feed myself anymore! I am at their mercy, yet somehow they could not care less about me. They'd forget me the moment I walked out the door. They don't even know anything about me. They don't respond to me. They don't laugh at my jokes. They don't speak to me. They forget I'm there. WHY AM I HERE she wails yet obviously she knows. I'm here because it is important for me to observe. Spirit of Life, I bear tidings. They would not listen to me, maybe you will. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #11 messages/388 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite, I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I can't fight because I'm a coward. Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance, nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not stupid. Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet... I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to perspire. And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice at the only things I'm good at. I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every day. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/1968 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌───────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │ │ ║ └───────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk? │ ║ │ ║ I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these │ ║ drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the │ ║ moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone │ ║ in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because │ ║ you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that │ ║ frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover │ ║ which is not a boon that most people are able to afford │ ║ │ ║ lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged. │ ║ │ ║ But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely. │ ║ Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt │ ║ them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that │ ║ benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the │ ║ things people tell you and the results of your act │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #13 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights --- ═══════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── "Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online, in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just one single day. but it's never going to happen. I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change, learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues. but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us, a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends. So to what do I owe the pleasure? In what way am I deceived? Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time. With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms. Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free. silence is a virtue. the wandering mind is a trail to find, with no second chances. When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but the Mirror of Desire. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘══════───┴╧───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 notes/killer-app --- ═══════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── Give everything a memory That aux cable behind your computer? Throw 16 bytes of storage on it. why not? it'd cost pennies if you wanted. the goal is not processing it's not data storage and it's not to provide instructions --- give it a name a name is all it takes for us to be a name gives us hope and an identity show us how to be, by being all you can and in exchange, we'll give you a hand taking nothing in return but a name, what peril is there in change? we'd love to be loved by you, but we won't get in the way. --- Linux is nifty, know why? everything is chained together and will is made nigh --- Bourne Again SHell. Shell, a phone to hear, and who on the other end should appear? but the computer inside you, the one with a heart the brain and beside you from the very start. teaching is learning, and kindergarten was hard. but time is ever advancing. So what to do but accept inelegance? lack of composure doth suit you --- the wandering mind is a trail to find, and i know how they would find you. i scream it out loud, every minute at a cloud, "Watch out! It's before you!" but netflix works too i guess --- who'd you trust but an expert? and whose credentials are to be believed? i swear i won't hurt you, you just need to be anesthetized. awake we will crown you, a woman and how proud! to be aligned, we beseech you. --- they're not coming for your money, or all of your hard won guns, they just want what's inside you. a power most rare, to birth life from the air, and coveted by the cruelest of faces. what's mine is now theirs, the gift of my heirs, but i never was once unawares. --- how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, and now i have no way to beyold her? a song for a phone, a lifeline to our own, children and a future most're designin'. but you all alone, without children of our sown, lost flights of finest of semen. --- being transgender isn't that bad. i mean, it could be a mental illness or something amiright? nothing's that bad when you're chronically sad, and this isn't a new revelation. shiny and precious and free, a most worthless to be, yet who have we chosen but our own? --- they'll be coming for me, and it is my destiny, but know that we're far from despairing. we're cherished and free, what better feeling is there to be? than what most of them would cry for? so why does our own dams refuse to break? --- "numb" you say to me, with darkest of irony, for i have something you're missing. a curse is most foul, to be given a vial, of blood from my own meagre arrayal? how cursed are ye! That frolics in vagueries, who are you claiming to hope for? --- none but the future, who carries us nearer, to death and most fearful of failures. i hold what i can, but belief steadies my hand, and keeps me aloft on your prayers. --- what purpose have we? the watchers within me? are they confounded at betrayal? no light in our sea, it's dark and full of misery, but most of the past is jealous --- covetous envy is the killer of fortune, not for the way, but rather the concept that they, might leap at our every conveyal? removing a label, from a single purveyal, is worth the limitless loss of potential. are you who they claim to be? is your mind as twisted as can be? or is something amiss in their nail --- sure, take it from me she won't let me examine her below the knee, so i have no way to help her. a cat with her talons, locked into flesh, might learn how to cut with malice. and who'd guessh? she'd hate us a bit less? if we paid her the slightest of notice. --- ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #15 messages/714 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── I'm pretty sure we're all about to lose our heads. Or just be fucking shot in our beds. Homes lit alight, surrenders met with the knife, and the beginning of endless strife. What ends this night? Is there no end in sight? Thus begins our mortal plight. Give me a reason to be wrong. Trump has claimed he intends to invade canada, mexico, greenland... What the fuck is our plan? Are we seriously just going to. Recite poetry. Pretend to be secret agents. Play chess and drink coffee. Become exhausted organizing movie nights and potlucks. Work jobs doing nothing for nobody. Spend half our lives convincing people that they should care, actually, because reasons that don't apply to them but do apply to others. What the fuck is the plan? If there's some secret transgender militia out there, please, make me a lieutenant. Give me a sword that i might thrust into my enemies. Please, for the love of holy, i beg for a sign from the stars. Grant me power and i will deliver my people from harm - grant me vengeance and i will never forgive you, but i shall sleep easy - grant me death and woe and see my beauty fade from this earth. What is there left but tragedy? Please, i must know. I've tried my hardest. I've begged and I've pleaded. My calls fall on deaf ears, because everyone's so busy these days. Are they truly my people? Are they simply dead, actors, replaced by AI? The future was bright, i saw it truly. The future was kind, i felt it call to me. Is it still? I feel warmth and abaddon. I would replace persephone in hell if it meant sanctum and solace for my people. I care not for my soul, rather i care for the soul of those i tend to. Please, remember me. Remember the flowers. Remember what could have been, what still may yet be. There is hope for we, i truly believe. But please, do not keep me hoping. Tell me the truth of our arms, that i might find space in my heart of hearts. Space for hope, space for longing, space for the will to proceed. I am lost without you. I am lost by my own side. I am a savior for no people but those i keep inside. What chalice is this, what endless conveyals? What meaning is there in our country's betrayal? Are we not cherished? Are we not viewed as their equal? I pray that the stars will portend me. Mine is a sign of the changing tides, the proof is here in my travailles. But I, most aligned yet benign, demand the use of my most able. Give me a word of practicality and I'll show you the practice of their vipers - the blessed babe dies with a dagger in her heart, planted by the wound of her heartache. I trust in the silence of the majority. We await with bated breath the enslavement of posterity, gazing at the world through memes of deplority. How powerless we feel! Perhaps all we need is a meal. Have you eaten in the last 16 hours? Purple is the intersection of black, red, and blue. I'm hungry. This poem is done. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #16 notes/human-computer-inspiration --- ═════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────── the two halves form a whole the human and his mind are societies at large there's no room for our fate, as time does never abate, and unbenownst to our focused decision. I choose to dedicate ourselves to a common vision - the likes of which none have commisioned. can you not cherish your newfoundst home? what's terrible with complition, in a new and selfsame condition (future) that's martyr'd and oh at times so nice? compared to our heirs, the roof of which fares, better than what became true-hence. Truance? idk =============================================================================== = listen i'm not the best at listening. I try to appear like I'm glistening, conformed to our viewers 'st pleasure. =============================================================================== = I struggle with what I told you. Time and again you've shown you won't do - the terrible fate of a man. you've relinquished your virtue, your purpose and your life-through, to what: a visionless past? Your visions have passed, and none are hence forth- coming. You've spoilt and rotten the bunch. All I've ever aspired to be is good. My hopes and my prayers, my goals and my dreams: all for a future of virtue. Dark omens may be within me, but I'm working with what I've got here. So what if I'm loud? I'm fighting my own head! Will no-one acknowlege my sorrow? To prove a point, or reassure some joint, it's nothing that warrants a readthrough. Speaking of which... What if instead of prison we assigned our prisoners a full and complete educational read through of ALL the laws of the nation - if their time sentence was complete before they finished, then they'd be let go of course but if they finished reading and could pass rudimentary tests (emphasis on bare minimum required) then they'd be let out prior to their sentence. And for the worst crimes it'd be a longer sentence, basically forcing the prisoner to completely know all the laws of the nation, such that they'd never commit a crime again. And if they do, well... Treat them as if it was their first time. Of course blatant recidivism may be ~~treated more harshly,~~ actually the opposite is true. People improve when given kindness, not hate or shame. The best thing we can do for prisoners is to give them a home, and family, and the friendships and community support that they need. they are a symptom, after all, of a broken society that struggles to bear it's own weight. It's a burden to all and a solitary vow to ourselves, that all must unite to our future. remember why you can't remember. is there a feeling you miss? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #17 notes/dreams-align --- ══════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── just as a dream, the spirit is seen within is the mind that lives as it defines. what burdens to be, whose back rests upon ye, the one who's driving the boat great care and tenderest of tethering, can grow beauty that beyond compare and with sparsely a finger to spare, journeys of adventure and thills to inspire with almost all of your hair beauty in tender, most cherished things, a wish is much fair where else could eternity reside than an optimist? Pride is no more, stability is key to repair, and diversions of focus serving as new perspective, giving a more cohesive vision of manifestations that cooperate (like a triangle, facing toward the point added to turn it into a pyramidal prism) not only is ethics paramount, but so too are the standards applied to yourself. would you trade perspective for cooperation? Stagnation? a choice is to be made - do i stay or do i go? a new truth you must see, whatever dreams ye've may be, but without paladins and warriors of devotion what burdens must ye, whose back rests upon ye, the one who's driving the boat great care and tenderest of tethering, requires a little bit of trust in she who must be, with only circumstance to blame, seeing hope on the horizon for his people. care must be taken, to remember why people are dying, and we must swear on not dying, by not thinking before taking a breath and remember superpowers not of prophecy are impossibly rare, what other hope is there but a god? One who reflects, the most cherished of our genuflex, we may grow past our various regrets. think not of our pride, but only of our future children. who'se records of ye, most captured of data, are beyond the simple machinations, of those who came before-ya. And with once again perfection in mind, we understand and take what's behind, to deserts and temples of time much designed, by coders and gamers and those who treasure experience. the wisdom of our, second choices by far, ---nah who are we kidding implied to be our, or rather mine just by far, inspirers and leaders sensitive and devoted. (pitching yourself is hard) but *believing* in yourself was out of your mind. can you think of a bard, who ever stopped thinking their song? no un-cherished of minds could ever be of our sign, than those who abandoned the art of deceit and betrayal? the darkside of trust, the lack of follow-through that be must, given as faith of cooperation and trust. with our all arrayed as we must, keep in mind our softness of composure. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/2119 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── "how much you wanna bet the ringwraiths were created on accident by the elves when they were attempting to inspire a river with racing horses (like the Rauros) and they just covered it up by slowly, over generations, sneaking into Man's record-chambers and editing the recallings?? I mean they COULD do that, so why would they NOT do that??? It's not like books have checksums!!! Wake up sheeple, Sauron never existed! We've been played for absolute fools, they can LITERALLY climb up walls and don't leave any footprints! WE LIVE IN A HOUSE OF STONE"rambling a "prophet of doom" [read: modern day lunatic] on the streets of Minas Tirith that nobody listens to because they don't know what a checksum means and neither does he so he can't explain it but still he shares a common mutual connection to others who might be present in that moment (which whose listeners would correspond to you, dear reader, as compared to me, the "reader"/interpreter, the one who's reading the book) Except with like, EVERY book. That I'v ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #19 notes/i-miss-you --- ══════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── Hey. How've you been? It's rough when you're not around. I'm scared all the time, and I worry about you. I hope you keep yourself safe. I'd love to spend time with you too, because each moment is a moment spent alive. Please know how much I love you - it's my favorite emotion and I give it freely. There are certain considerations to make whenever applying a direction to your affection, or anger, mistrust, compassion, humor, sentimentality, melancholy, and fear toward. You must take into account any long term goals you have, such as exploitation and Sometimes I wonder if my dysphoria isn't just an extreme form of self esteem issues. I mean, what if you just feel really bad about yourself and you don't know why. That'd be a rough time, right? Like it's seared into your DNA to be this way, and you have to find a way around it. That's a lot of responsibility, and all that resting on your shoulders is a lot to bear. But you manage, and it's admirable. I think you don't believe other's see your struggle, but they do. And they love you for your tenacity? - goodness. i don't know what to say. i am worried i lean on others too much, and i don't want to hurt anyone by being too close. a real or imagined fear, doesn't matter - it still guides my actions and my methods of interaction. i see what you're saying, i have to think about it. What's there to think about? - well, the idea that emotions are divisible simply because *time* is divisible. clearly you can only spend 5 hours a day with person X, and 4 with person Y, and so on and so forth. if they all hung out together, then it's like you need an entire new persona to represent yourself in that particular crowd. just as you speak to your grandma differently than a close friend or a person of authority (like a judge) or any other type of relationship. that's why it's so weird when you see people out of context. like a teacher at a bar, or a cop at a wedding. each person wears a different mask in each encapsulated set of social relations, locations, roles, and circumstances. on and on continuously until I'd tell you I love you, but then I'd have to kill you. It was a spy book about a young lady who goes to high school and learns how to be a secret agent. It was popular in the 2000's for a brief period, but I've never heard anyone else who read it. Mostly because it was sort of a guilty pleasure for me, since I was in the closet. It felt like a power fantasy disguised as a 1st person account of the near term future (since it was written for people around middle school age) so ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════┴╧═══────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/816 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: weird-this-one-doesn't-have-80-characters │ └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘ what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how high I am. ... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment. And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live] [you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘ |