=== ANCHOR POEM === ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: trauma~ │ └──────────────────────┘ @user-1074 today I had someone ask me for an apology. They've asked several times before, and each time I've only been able to give them a half-apology - I apologized for being persistent, but not for being impulsive, and that wasn't good enough. I can't help being impulsive! I'm adventurous! I crave excitement and joy! But I'm sorry that I pushed him too hard. I'm sorry I hurt him. And... apparently that's not good enough. He doesn't want me in his life, he can't fucking let it go. And he calls me selfish. Says I don't respect him, based on one night out of 5 years where I tried too hard to get him to enjoy life. I'm sorry I can't fix your depression, guy, but like, at least I tried. You could have at least tried the things I suggested. You could have at least tried to follow my advice. whatever. it was literally just a walk in the park ... anyway I am often wrong. I often correct my past self. I always apologize for hurting people, but I never apologize for doing what I believe is right. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/100 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── @user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to them. Empathy is like human telepathy. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse_boost/778 --- ◀─╔═════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════───────────────────────────────────╗ ║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║ ║ │ a message to all my haters! │ ║ ║ │ │ ║ ║ │ i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry what did i do wrong i’ll do anything to fix it i’m so sorry please i’ll do anything to get you to stop hating me i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry │ ║ ║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║ ╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣ ║ similar │ chronological │ different ║ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┴───────╝─▶ --- #3 fediverse/2919 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: imaginary-conversation-that-didn't-happen-tee-hee │ └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ "you can't be a paladin anymore because you don't practice with your weapon every day" I don't have room in my home to practice though : ( "go to the fucking park you weasel" I don't want anyone to see me swinging a sword around! they might call the cops, or worse, judge me for it! "you want judgement eh well just wait until your opponent judges your swordsmanship lacking then you'll find out what judgement tastes like as he shoves your entrails down your throat" I'm sorry I'll practice more T.T ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/294 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── the fact that the content warnings are part of the body text means that if you write the body first but use EXACTLY EVERY CHARACTER like I've been doing (most of the time, unless I'm interrupted) like... it won't even give me a break to delete. so there's no room for content-warnings, which ideally would be written at the beginning before starting a thought, but as you can see mine tend to... wander. it's like I'm living 15 different lives all at once, and they crisscross and go yonder. it's wilding, it's empowering, it's strange and it's confusing, but through consideration we develop new learnings and onward our future does = so = anyway, I apologize, sincerely and deeply, if my words hurt you. I'm sorry for what you thought, and I'm sorry for how it made you feel. I'm going to try reserving a certain amount of characters before I start writing, so maybe that'll help. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/3130 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── "are you helping or hurting?" I'm speaking. I'm sorry. Some works hurt some and help others. Honesty and being true to yourself is important, but there's a time and place for some words. I'm kinda bad with timing, if you couldn't tell... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/2770 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │ └───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ now that the pain is healed all I want to do is spend time with him. I learned SO MUCH from him and then I called him a saboteur T.T (babe you're still healing) I forgave him as he was doing it but forgiveness doesn't imply that you're gonna stick around. I feel bad for running through. if a person tells you what to do and then hurts you, you should probably do the opposite right? that's just pavlovian - resist pain, avoid pain, remove pain. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/6250 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────── Dear my future self: I'm sorry for all the things that I do. I hope you appreciate the gifts I leave you. Thank you for never giving up, and I trust you to take care of me and the things I care about. I'm proud of what you've done with me, and I'm hopeful that one day I'll be just a bit like you. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┘ --- #8 fediverse/6245 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────── I broke something today that someone gave me and that I was going to give away as a gift. But the more I think about it, the less I think the gift's recipient would have wanted it. I do however regret hurting my girlfriend while I broke it, that was an accident. Sometimes you trip, sometimes you slip, and sometimes you stub your toe. Accidents happen. It's okay, just apologize, and realize that power is what you make of it, and we all have the power of our own actions as we touch and prod the environment around us where plants breathe. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘ --- #9 notes/what-are-breakups-for --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry. OF COURSE you'll be sad. it's okay. it's natural. it's human. don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain. brb getting smashed (okay but please put some clothes on) -.- fine ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I can't fucking relax the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism this fucking sucks I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years?? jeez like.... yeah I'm flawed *of course* I'm flawed I'm a human being humans are imperfect ... ugh er, sorry, "bleurg" I'm going to eat a burrito ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me. see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day henceforth. ... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not ideal. I swear I'll be better. there are no false starts, only probing strikes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/1957 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── I might let you down, but I'll never betray you. ... I'm letting someone down right now. I'm sorry. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/6092 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: politics-mentioned-cops-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │ └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ I'm sorry I said some rude things about conservatives. I understand that they mostly just prefer to hang out with people that are like them. There's nothing wrong with that. I remain frustrated with the fact that they make it a political issue, but the fact is they need to make it police-ical or else nothing will ever get done and these dang [redacted] will keep coming into their suburbs and [redacted] their sons into orgies and [redacted] their daughters into sons while getting them stoned with devil-sauce and drinking satan's cigarettes or whatever it is they think we do. ... now that I think of it maybe that's not such a bad thing, I mean if they can only enforce their will through force, then maybe they should be forced to [redacted] - sorry this was supposed to be an apology. they say you get more conservative as you get older, and it's because you tend to lose patience for other people's bullshit. I tell you now: the bullshit follows you everywhere. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┘ --- #12 fediverse/2064 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── if I lived in a forest, free from needing to grow my own food, I'd definitely bring as many books as I could carry. Probably also some card and board games, but not like, too many. Probably my computers as well, fully outfitted with all the compilers I could think of and every neat local-first library (including a local LLM that can tell you everything about syntax and wildlife exploration or car mechanics or carpentry or - just saying Wikipedia is like thousands of terabytes but an LLM is like, 16. Who cares if it hallucinates SOMETIMES? Just ask it twice, doh) ("I'm sorry, you are absolutely correct. 2+2 is indeed 5, I had the wrong text-strings encoded in my memory. Let me just adjust all my other understandings to align with this new strange world-view in the best way that I, an imperfect computer being, can.") vs ("Here's how you format C code to automatically apply a function (in this case encryption and decryption) to a string of text. Please describe the format of the next function to describe.") ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/1889 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── @user-1091 I'm sorry I didn't mean to be upsetting! I'll try and be more considerate. If everyone agrees there's never anything to talk about besides how great everyone else is, and that's boring, so... I'm sorry I thought you liked what I was saying from the stars on my comments. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/1721 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── I'd like to apologize to everyone I've ever interacted with in the past. It was unfair of me to interact with you, and I will do my best to not hurt you again in that way. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/510 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────── @user-246 Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with. Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/1840 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── I'm never remorseful for being wrong, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. Remorse is useless once corrected, if correction is due. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/2330 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── You cannot debase me, well, you can try. But for each of my past mistakes I've learned from, and I can explain in detail how, when, and why. To err is to be human, and some errors are more painful than others. Believe me, I know. I am only as good as my lessons, the things that I've learned on the road. And I never stop learning. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 messages/388 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite, I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I can't fight because I'm a coward. Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance, nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not stupid. Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet... I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to perspire. And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice at the only things I'm good at. I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every day. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #19 messages/169 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────── Sorry for my behavior. I am an undiagnosed scizophrenic, so I'm wrestling with metaphorical demons. Sorry for attempting to interact with society, I get a little lonely sometimes. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/4730 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to fucking pay me for it. I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah, they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven. How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent life lived under this particular roof? I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night? Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make you uncomfortable? Have a decent life. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ |