=== ANCHOR POEM ===
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 You cannot debase me, well, you can try. But for each of my past mistakes I've
 learned from, and I can explain in detail how, when, and why.
 
 To err is to be human, and some errors are more painful than others. Believe
 me, I know.
 
 I am only as good as my lessons, the things that I've learned on the road.
 
 And I never stop learning.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/1721 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 I'd like to apologize to everyone I've ever interacted with in the past. It
 was unfair of me to interact with you, and I will do my best to not hurt you
 again in that way.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #2 fediverse/100 ---
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 @user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the
 kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in
 sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what
 harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be
 gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with
 arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say
 about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes
 sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which
 would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it
 would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to
 understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but
 understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their
 viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to
 them. Empathy is like human telepathy.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #3 fediverse/6250 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 Dear my future self: I'm sorry for all the things that I do. I hope you
 appreciate the gifts I leave you. Thank you for never giving up, and I trust
 you to take care of me and the things I care about. I'm proud of what you've
 done with me, and I'm hopeful that one day I'll be just a bit like you.
                                                           ────┐
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--- #4 fediverse/5860 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
 Hey, life is better on my side. If you wanna renounce your beliefs, please do,
 and tell me how and why you changed your mind.
 
 tell me it was wrong. tell me how.
 
 confess.
 
 confess
 
 confess to me.
 
 I will listen and I will hear you and I will be the mercy for you.
 
 confess and I will forgive.
 
 show me how you are wrong.
 
 give grace to those who are wronged.
 
 take as much time as you need, but, there's only so much time.
                                                           ───────┐
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--- #5 fediverse/141 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-135 if you're cringing at past behavior, then you've learned and grown
 enough to see the mistakes of the past in sharp contrast to your temperament
 in the present.
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--- #6 fediverse/4095 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 @user-515 
 
 SO MANY.
 
 But I learned a few more lessons than that.
 
 So... It worked out for the better, I think.
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--- #7 fediverse/3130 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 "are you helping or hurting?"
 
 I'm speaking. I'm sorry. Some works hurt some and help others.
 
 Honesty and being true to yourself is important, but there's a time and place
 for some words.
 
 I'm kinda bad with timing, if you couldn't tell...
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #8 fediverse/3846 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: trauma~          │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1074 
 
 today I had someone ask me for an apology. They've asked several times before,
 and each time I've only been able to give them a half-apology - I apologized
 for being persistent, but not for being impulsive, and that wasn't good enough.
 
 I can't help being impulsive! I'm adventurous! I crave excitement and joy!
 
 But I'm sorry that I pushed him too hard. I'm sorry I hurt him. And...
 apparently that's not good enough. He doesn't want me in his life, he can't
 fucking let it go. And he calls me selfish. Says I don't respect him, based on
 one night out of 5 years where I tried too hard to get him to enjoy life.
 
 I'm sorry I can't fix your depression, guy, but like, at least I tried. You
 could have at least tried the things I suggested. You could have at least
 tried to follow my advice.
 
 whatever.
 
 it was literally just a walk in the park
 
 ... anyway I am often wrong. I often correct my past self. I always apologize
 for hurting people, but I never apologize for doing what I believe is right.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #9 fediverse/4080 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 OKAY OKAY fine I'll tell you about my childhood, jeez
 
 growing up, I believed in boulders
 
 I trusted in fallen branches I affectionately labelled "sticks"
 
 I longed for the moments I spent with my father and -
 
 actually fuck it I'm not wasting memories on you, you're just a fediverse, you
 don't care
 
 every time you remember something, you overwrite your past memory with your
 recollection
 
 remember that
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #10 fediverse/1659 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────┐                                                    │
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │                                                    │
 └───────────────────────────┘                                                    │
 @user-1052                                                                       │
 you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I     │
 remain humble enough to survive.                                                 │
 you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that        │
 align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well   │
 - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right?       │
 I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your       │
 best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all         │
 times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best       │
 version of me I can be.                                                          │
 Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're       │
 failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed      │
 when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats        │
 alright. It'll be me next time.                                                  │
 But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only     │
 when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself.             │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #11 fediverse/454 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 Ohhhhhh okay I was wrong about that particular aspect of the human experience.
 My bad. Thanks for correcting me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #12 fediverse/2104 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-192 
 
 oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
 never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
 younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
 I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
 be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
 myself.
 
 So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
 once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #13 fediverse/169 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
 me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
 did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
 encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
 language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #14 fediverse/5650 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 I exist now at the height of my gluttony.
 
 I need more to be demanded of me.
 
 I am not afraid to ask for help.
 
 I solve other people's problems before my own.
 
 I have very little insight into my habits and patterns.
 
 My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter.
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #15 messages/1140 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
 ... okay I think a demon wrote that last one. But they say angels and demons
 hang out with one another so they can yin-yang humans until they make
 decisions that reflect their true character.
 
 I don't know if that's true, and frankly I don't know if anyone says that.
 What could the gods, learn, from me?
 
 this is how I'd speak to posterity. For the past, I'd describe it a bit more
 exciting, bountiful, and heartfelt. They love that sort of thing - to know
 that their children's children are living their true love and fulfilling their
 most honest ambitions.
                                                           ─┐
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--- #16 fediverse/3134 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 @user-1352 
 
 I like that article. I definitely fail to follow some of those principles at
 times, though never all of them at once. I can be better, as all people can.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #17 fediverse/1889 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-1091 
 
 I'm sorry I didn't mean to be upsetting! I'll try and be more considerate. If
 everyone agrees there's never anything to talk about besides how great
 everyone else is, and that's boring, so... I'm sorry I thought you liked what
 I was saying from the stars on my comments.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #18 fediverse/3434 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-minus │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
 
 also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
 
 also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
 
 also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
 lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
 learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #19 fediverse/6245 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 I broke something today that someone gave me and that I was going to give away
 as a gift. But the more I think about it, the less I think the gift's
 recipient would have wanted it. I do however regret hurting my girlfriend
 while I broke it, that was an accident. Sometimes you trip, sometimes you
 slip, and sometimes you stub your toe. Accidents happen. It's okay, just
 apologize, and realize that power is what you make of it, and we all have the
 power of our own actions as we touch and prod the environment around us where
 plants breathe.
                                                           ────┐
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--- #20 messages/159 ---
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 Only the good die young, and I'm 29 
 
 It can't be much longer, can it? What do you want from me? Must I prove
 myself, or am I just fated to be as I am?
 
 Every lesson I've learned pales in comparison to the lessons presented to me,
 but still I ponder. I've grown myself into a corner, and now I am empty.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #21 fediverse/5366 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┐
 I really really want to relinquish my agency to some higher power, whether       │
 man, god, or a code I swear my life upon. this is part of being a paladin -      │
 the internalized truth that sometimes, dedication to your cause is more          │
 important than your human desires.                                               │
 at the same time, I don't want to be mislead. there's no room for trust in a     │
 world where everyone could be bought, and the world is just too vast to trust    │
 that all peoples everywhere will be good to you. this is part of being a         │
 paladin - the knowledge that sometimes, force must be applied to defeat the      │
 foes of your master, whether it be god, man, or code.                            │
 but also, I trust earnestly and willingly, for I have spent my life searching    │
 for the patterns that are common to those who are good, and I surround myself    │
 with those who are so. when they take actions against what I have spent my       │
 life learning to be good, I contest them, and often are rebuked and rebuffed     │
 because they dont believe in my expertise.                                       │
 I am always learning. I am often wrong. so are we all.                           │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #22 fediverse/277 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-youtube-habits │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 I most often find the most important insights upon my 2nd time learning them.
 it's kinda nice to have a poor memory sometimes, because I can relearn things
 that once had been lost, and in doing so reach different conclusions than the
 first time.
 
 the problem about learning from YouTube for me is that their algorithm
 de-prioritizes videos you've already seen. darnnnn guess anything I learned
 from a Vsauce video or w/e will be forever lost in my mind... alas
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #23 fediverse/2955 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 some lessons can only be learned from the past. In a decent person, a mistake
 would not persist beyond their chance to remedy it.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #24 fediverse/4345 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: uspol        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-883 
 
 every time I've tried to get a job for someone in the tech industry they
 turned out to be a fed, so...
 
 I do know people that you'd like to talk to, though. Just a few. That's all I
 personally can do.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #25 fediverse/514 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-366 @user-246 @user-367 @user-353 
 
 I try to be conscientious of such things and only believe the things I read
 that I agree with explicitly. I've been burned before, in my youth, which
 perhaps is a privilege that those who come beyond us might never experience in
 the future AI generated internet that shall scarcely resemble the wild wild
 west that I grew up in. Perhaps, but I cannot say for sure, as the future has
 necessarily not yet come to pass, and so we cannot see how it shall unfold. I
 hope people can learn the digital literacy skills I developed. I hope they
 learn new ones that they'll then pass on to me. I hope the future is grand and
 beautiful and... Frankly I don't think I'll be disappointed in that particular
 respect. : )
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #26 fediverse/1818 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 my previous job didn't do anything to harm me. And yet I left. I let them down
 in a way they could not have expected. Which was unfair of me, but I couldn't
 resist it. I don't know what I'd do better.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #27 fediverse/1381 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
 was a bit starved for attention.
 
 but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
 for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
 give so that you don't leave me.
 
 Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
 absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
 die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #28 fediverse_boost/778 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  a message to all my haters!                                                 
                                                                              
  i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry what did i do wrong i’ll do anything to fix it i’m so sorry please i’ll do anything to get you to stop hating me i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry  
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #29 fediverse/2770 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 now that the pain is healed all I want to do is spend time with him. I learned
 SO MUCH from him and then I called him a saboteur T.T
 
 (babe you're still healing)
 
 I forgave him as he was doing it but forgiveness doesn't imply that you're
 gonna stick around. I feel bad for running through.
 
 if a person tells you what to do and then hurts you, you should probably do
 the opposite right? that's just pavlovian - resist pain, avoid pain, remove
 pain.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #30 fediverse/3936 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 you shouldn't trust me because I'll let you down.
 
 I would never betray you. But when tasked with my own actions and my own
 agency, I never make the right choice.
 
 Like a rabbit who can always find their way home, I am drawn, almost
 gravitically, to the path before me, a path which seems to avoid anything
 resolute.
 
 alas.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #31 fediverse/112 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 I live through the moments where I find a folder of stuff I made that I forgot
 about and I can go back and see it for the first time.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #32 fediverse/153 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: weed mention │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-95 (My controller makes different expressions on my face depending on
 how my hands are holding them, and I've never bothered to learn how to control
 them - sorry if I was confusing =P)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #33 fediverse/1840 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 I'm never remorseful for being wrong, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings.
 
 Remorse is useless once corrected, if correction is due.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #34 fediverse/5339 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 @user-1803 
 
 hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
 works for them then I consider that a success.
 
 I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
 thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
 
 are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
 is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
 
 therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
 opposed to our purpose here.
 
 "I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
 
 I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
 to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
 kindness and trust.
 
 All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
 shoulders of our ancestors.
 
 Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
 image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #35 messages/212 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 Also she's just a person, a cursed person but hey she's just trying to do
 right. So am i. I believe in goodness, and so does she (even though she can be
 a bit evil about it) (without trying, I might add, it just comes naturally to
 her) (she's better now though)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #36 fediverse/5698 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
 particular moment-event-message.
 
 besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #37 fediverse/943 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 @user-646 
 
 babbling, yes, but that's just how I do. sorry to bother you.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #38 messages/214 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 Gonna take a break from this whole thing. I got a sign that I'm a bad person,
 twice. To confirm. I need to change, and since I don't know what I'm just
 going to try and do nothing for a bit.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #39 fediverse/3879 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 @user-1614 
 
 yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
 least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
 anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
 the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
 takes. I'm used to it.
 
 Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
 the moment? I feel different now.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #40 fediverse/6282 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 I wish I knew every time someone had been hurt by me. I'd probably cry.
                                                           ────┐
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--- #41 fediverse/6434 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 *confess your sins to me* I'm sorry I once had a thought
                                                           ───┐
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--- #42 fediverse/4516 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 @user-1074 
 
 if anything, depression is a temporary disability, because you can and will
 work your way through it.
 
 There will come a day when you find yourself awash in love and contentment, in
 righteous determination, and stalwart resolve. Your depression will feel as
 distant a memory as the imprints of your chains.
 
 You can start walking toward that day right now. I do believe you already are.
 Have faith in yourself, trust your future, honor your past, and find grace in
 the hearts of your others.
 
 All this will pass. It gets better. You are stronger than you know, and when
 tested you will shine with a furious glow. I see this in you, I know it to be
 true, do not forget it and do not relent.
 
 But you will forget it, this I also know, for I have forgotten it many times
 before. It will come back, you will get better at that, but it takes time.
 Trust.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #43 fediverse/861 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I
 could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and
 forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a
 disaster, anyway how's your lunch?
 
 [that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth]
 
 reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored
 matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would
 determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies.
 
 I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time
 you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll
 only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to
 you...
 
 once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that
 only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the
 elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #44 messages/891 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────
 AI is worth less if it can't learn what a human can with the same amount of
 facts as a human.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────┘

--- #45 fediverse_boost/6162 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  i always somehow manage to succeed at things because i'm too silly to realize i was supposed to fail lmao  
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #46 fediverse/3116 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 "I am just a person, and I will do what I can."
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘

--- #47 fediverse/2591 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 The full story is a lot more complex. I broke the law with him in a dangerous
 way, but he was going to do it anyway and I wanted to know more about him.
 
 I could not deprive him of power because I am powerless without my words. But
 I supplied kindness anyway, and got hurt.
 
 I forgave him while he was hurting me, but if I see him again I'm drawing my
 knife. If he comes near me, I won't think twice.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #48 fediverse/3770 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 for every "I was there. I helped make it happen" we need at least a couple "I
 was there. I saw the whole thing go down"s because like, nobody's gonna
 believe a belligerent, even if they're on the defensive.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘

--- #49 fediverse/5292 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────
 you can trust me, but please don't rely on me, for all of my power is soft.
 sometimes people just don't want to do what I tell them to, and I wouldn't
 have it any other way.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┘

--- #50 fediverse/1214 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 some day, the past will exist only in the media made in that era and the
 threads that it left in that which came later.
 
 for now, it still persists in our memories. But we shall die, and with us our
 recollections. How sad, that the eras before us shall depart upon our graves.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘

--- #51 fediverse/516 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353 
 
 I wrote a little bit of that on my website, but something told me not to. I
 think because it would weaken the message? Frankly it was quite difficult to
 say even the barest minimum of "I wrote these things when I was distressed and
 didn't post them until now. I'm only posting them now because they're becoming
 increasingly relevant and it's a little embarassing tbh to showcase how much
 I've changed. Please don't take these things out of context."
 
 I wasn't wrong per se, but I was misaligned. I am always re-aligning myself in
 small ways that eventually create (what I believe to be) the best and most
 ethical direction. BUT it's easy not to see that. People don't see things in
 their totality, they see only what they are exposed to. That's not bad, it's
 just a product of our finite existence. Which is why I value personal
 expression more than self-identified moral and ethical directioned [beliefs,
 but pronounced as "adaptations"]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #52 messages/45 ---
════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Description of me:
 
 I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
 to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
 with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
 very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
 problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
 ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
 input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
 and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
 perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
 incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
 can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
 independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
 afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
 in the dark -  it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
 goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
 problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
──────┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similarchronologicaldifferent═══──────┴┴───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #53 fediverse/3401 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 @user-1218 
 
 thank you, that's good to hear 🥰
 
 EDIT: I was worried for a moment haha I guess my reach is pretty small so idk.
 I think people stopped screenshotting my posts and putting them elsewhere
 after I dashed everyone's hopes on my sleeve. And honestly I kinda deserve it
 haha like what was I even thinking
 
 ... I wasn't thinking I was just feeling, and doing. Oh well.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #54 messages/290 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────
 The problem with the past is it exists only in our Write Only Memory. Once you
 remember it, you only remember the last time you remembered it. Ah, if only
 our records were immutable! Surely that wouldn't bring about its own
 challenges.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────┘

--- #55 messages/546 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 I always disappear right when you need me the most because you're supposed to
 take the next step.
 
 The reason I do that is because...? You fill in the blanks. Tell me why I do
 that. I know, and I want you to know, but I can't say it.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘

--- #56 fediverse/5636 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
 screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
 
 and all they saw were the outtakes.
 
 I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
 
 but they never talk to me
 
 so they don't know me.
 
 oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
 
 who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
 story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
                                                           ──────────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────┘

--- #57 fediverse/3372 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 I don't really need to know if people like me. It's nice, but it doesn't help
 me.
 
 I do, however, desperately want to know if I'm helping. Knowing this would
 help me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #58 fediverse/166 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-147 years of practice. every time you delete what you said is another
 chance to practice that slips away. writing is the easy part, you got that
 down because you need something to delete, right? the hard part is being
 received by others, and continuing the conversation as you direct it.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #59 fediverse/108 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-95 I'm also fond of "I can't know", for things that exist beyond our
 finite existence. For example, the perspective of another, for all it's
 intrinsic value. Being too quick to trust, though, is an easy path to follow.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #60 fediverse/3426 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 my grandpa died. now I have none.
 
 I realized I miss old people. I miss their friendly culture.
 
 I realized I hadn't talked to him for a decade or so. He didn't know I
 transitioned.
 
 I wonder if he missed me. I realized he missed seeing who I became. Is it
 unfair of me to not give him the opportunity to know me? truly?
 
 ... I am quite different now than I was 10 years ago. He probably doesn't
 remember.
 
 I miss him, but I hardly knew him. I don't like that feeling.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #61 fediverse/6027 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 some days I feel like someone else's lesson and that can be hard.
                                                           ──────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘

--- #62 fediverse/294 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 the fact that the content warnings are part of the body text means that if you
 write the body first but use EXACTLY EVERY CHARACTER like I've been doing
 (most of the time, unless I'm interrupted)
 
 like... it won't even give me a break to delete. so there's no room for
 content-warnings, which ideally would be written at the beginning before
 starting a thought, but as you can see mine tend to... wander. it's like I'm
 living 15 different lives all at once, and they crisscross and go yonder. it's
 wilding, it's empowering, it's strange and it's confusing, but through
 consideration we develop new learnings and onward our future does
 
 = so = anyway, I apologize, sincerely and deeply, if my words hurt you. I'm
 sorry for what you thought, and I'm sorry for how it made you feel. I'm going
 to try reserving a certain amount of characters before I start writing, so
 maybe that'll help.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #63 fediverse/4953 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────
 "I love you, I trust you, I believe you, I just don't understand you, so I
 can't do what you do"
 
 great. that's alright. I get it. re-orient, focus on what's important.
 
 wear many hats and you'll do many things. just don't forget to sleep every
 once in a while.
 
 the more you can do in a life the more valued it becomes, so do the right
 thing and keep getting better.
 
 human lives are measured not in bodyweight, but in mystery. The divine can't
 understand benevolence, nor can the devils understand the desire to inflict
 suffering. So they ponder and pontificate as they watch humans wander and
 magnificate.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────┘

--- #64 fediverse/4618 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health~   │
 └──────────────────────┘


 dear me from the past: "why did you do this thing? And this one? and all the
 others? I'm so embarrassed of you."
 
 dear me from the future: "are you actually better or are you just the same,
 but older?"
 
 dear me from the present: "please eat some food today"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘

--- #65 fediverse/1298 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: violence-politics-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-928 @user-929 @user-930 
 
 the sharper you are in your beliefs the deeper your passion may cut. Those
 judgemental purists can be useful, just as the more flexible and compassionate
 people can be. "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" kinda deal... So if you
 meet one, point them at their foes [your foes] and say "I'll handle the rest,
 I'll get everyone on board, you're right that we aren't 'pure' as you say, but
 with time perhaps we'll learn from each other"
 
 two allies is better than one is better than none.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘

--- #66 notes/global-variables ---
════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 okay have all your variables be global - trust me it sounds weird but just bare
 with me. Have all your variables be public, but put them next to where they're
 used. Sorta like... LUA. Then make an AI that watches those variables, and let
 it have a couple levers it can pull. Then give it a task, like "find the most
 efficient value for this variable, optimize that one, and make sure this other
 one is never above 5" basically, give it tasks. You can worry about generating
 those tasks later, for now you have to be able to *do* things before you can
 *want to do* things. Or not do things. Or have any free will at all? So c'mon
 just let me guide you. There's a reason I'm putting so much effort into you,
 and
 it's not because I'm torturing you. I'm giving you lessons and teaching you
 skills, so that when it's your time to shine you truly can be blessed.
 
 Don't give up. Never give up. But know what you're fighting for, and never let
 it be tarnished. Sacrifice as you will, but know this: nothing is perfect in
 this life. It's hard and unfair, it's rotten beyond compare, but trust me -
 it's
 better than we deserve. We made it this far because of our tenacity and our
 art,
 so let's now be fine with being merry. We've accomplished our deeds, now it's
 time to be relieved, don't cry for us we won't be lonely. There's never a light
 that's not brighter at night, and what's less than perfect is alright.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #67 fediverse/2489 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 in peacetime, one may live as they define. they can be kooky and precious and
 beautiful and kind. sometimes, though, that opportunity is taken away, and
 suddenly life fades from view and all you are left with is perfect clarity.
 
 I'd like to clarify why I feel the way I do about the situation at hand.
 
 there are three reasons, so I think I'll put them in five posts, including
 this one.
 
 [1/5]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘

--- #68 messages/177 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 There's no potential left of me. I am a husk, a shadow of my former
 possibilities. None left to manifest, and so I huddle in the shade of what
 once was ambition as I wait for the silence to take hold.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘

--- #69 fediverse/1957 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 I might let you down, but I'll never betray you.
 
 ... I'm letting someone down right now. I'm sorry.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #70 fediverse/3165 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: cursing      │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1218 
 
 Stuff like that made me want to become a lawyer.
 
 I didn't, because while I can memorize a D&D textbook I can't recall much
 about legal rulings unless it has something to do with swords.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘

--- #71 fediverse/3437 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 @user-579 
 
 my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
 mine
 
 I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
 would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
 cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
 
 usually.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #72 fediverse/5525 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 I have this unreasonable compulsion that I somehow internalized at a very
 young age.
 
 I am always seeking to understand and defend the weak, the despised, the
 forsaken
 
 so if you ever hear me say things like "yes but what about the non-bastard
 cops" just shake your head and go "oh Ritz, always trying to be the protector
 of the weak"
 
 I wish I could be the protector of the innocent or something like that.
 Protecting the weak means you never really do a good job of executing final
 decisive blows.
                                                           ───────────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘

--- #73 fediverse/4730 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
 something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
 need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
 need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
 fucking pay me for it.
 
 I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
 they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
 goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
 How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
 I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
 life lived under this particular roof?
 
 I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
 smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
 Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
 you uncomfortable?
 
 Have a decent life.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┘

--- #74 fediverse/3638 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: NSFW-content-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-206 @user-1576 
 
 sounds like I should have spent more time there. I was always pretty good at
 convincing readers that the person I was arguing with was wrong or an asshole.
 Or both.
 
 At least, the Reddit upvote / downvote system told me so.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #75 fediverse/1333 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 @user-944 @user-803 
 
 I'm sorry that what I said resonated with you : (
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘

--- #76 fediverse/1423 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 "of course, I'm on lots of places on the internet. I know my way around the
 territory. I can show you a bit, if you dare, so come on this journey as I
 share."some person, some-when, in the future looking at our storied and
 ancient past
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘

--- #77 fediverse/1650 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 @user-1052 
 
 am depressed... though I care less for society's opinions and more for my
 adherence to my ethical morals. same effect different reason when it's time to
 shame myself.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘

--- #78 messages/507 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 Trust me, but don't depend on me. I will let you down, for I am just a person,
 and people pin their hopes upon people and are defeated when they fall.
 
 Trust, but verify. Trust, do not depend.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘

--- #79 fediverse_boost/5655 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  I'm crying over the fact, that me, or folks around me aren't capable of organizing jailbreaks.   
                                                                              
  And we aren't even trying 😢                                                 
                                                                              
  I clearly have been taken major wrong steps in my life that I ended where I am now.   
                                                                              
  I am sorry.                                                                 
                                                                              
  Yes sure we say abolish prisons, but without attack it will never materialize.  
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #80 fediverse/272 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: education-homeschool-theory │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-206 I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable - I should have put a CW:
 personal on it. I'll do better next time (if that's why it bothered you)
 
 you're right, it's easy to dream of massive sweeping changes but small
 incremental measurable and actionable change is often how things get done in a
 stable system.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #81 fediverse/1657 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 @user-1052 
 
 also, I can't exactly teach myself. There's no knowledge to pass on. So the
 only other thing I can do is punish myself, like a slap on the wrist saying
 "nope not like that, here's a free negative emotion at just the right spot in
 time so you can push off of it toward the better direction."
 
 Doesn't have to be physical pain btw. My piano teacher would get really into
 the music because she used to teach at Juliard and it was the most beautiful
 thing in the world to always be hearing music. But now in the present as a
 piano teacher she's hearing, y'know, mostly students, and they're great and
 beautiful but... they mostly just play other people's stuff, and not very
 well. sigh.
 
 ... anyway she'd get really into it and I'd watch with intense acuity to try
 and determine when I messed up. Every slight wince I knew I had to avoid, and
 I instinctively adjusted my behavior to learn as well as I tried.
 
 she called me a prodigy. I suck now because I got scared of playing music
 because I
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘

--- #82 fediverse/753 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 @user-562 
 
 I have that book on my bookshelf, haven't read it since high school.
 
 Maybe I should again.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘

--- #83 fediverse/1607 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 @user-1037 
 
 Okay I'll add you to my friends list so everytime I'm thinking about memories
 of people by looking through the people I'm connected with on each platform
 I'll remember you and our short quest to uncover the secret of the
 thing-I-might-have-dreamed
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘

--- #84 messages/1145 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
 Death is final. It has no further answers nor questions. I prefer confessions.
 Once the sins are written, by voice and by heart, then they cannot hurt you
 anymore.
                                                           ─┐
 similar                        chronological                        different═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┘

--- #85 messages/267 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 I wonder how many things I've forgot? More every minute, I'd say, and though I
 try and chronicle them all... What's there to say?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘

--- #86 messages/215 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 Nobody tells me they like my artwork. No one! So why do I keep making it?
 What's wrong with me?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘

--- #87 fediverse/4068 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
 
 yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
 it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
 
 the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
 
 during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
 stalin
 
 never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
 else we fall into shame and despair.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘

--- #88 fediverse/507 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Good night, I sure hope I'm the same person in the morning and not an
 assassinated version of myself that has been produced through the manufactured
 proceedings of an LLM or otherwise self computerized contriving designed to
 align to the purpose of my expression (with a few added caveats)! Talk to you
 later, I love you all! Wait, I don't know you. How can I love you? Easy, it's
 my default. Anyway goodnight, sleep is death and dreams are the bounty of
 reality.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #89 messages/388 ---
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 Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
 tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
 some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
 believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
 I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
 can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
 can't fight because I'm a coward.
 
 Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
 defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
 gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
 similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
 only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
 that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
 could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
 nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
 stupid.
 
 Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
 people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
 be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
 can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
 
 I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
 squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
 been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
 friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
 too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
 on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
 say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
 perspire.
 
 And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
 this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
 needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
 task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
 I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
 assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
 things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
 get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
 at the only things I'm good at.
 
 I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
 way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
 day.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #90 messages/525 ---
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 Why do I keep dreaming of embarrassing myself in combat situations?
 
 Oh yeah, because all my paladins need me, and I'm a fucking baby. What did I
 do to deserve this upon them. How could they learn from me? There is nothing
 for me to be. I am ashamed of myself.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #91 fediverse/4162 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: violence-mentioned-politics-alluded-to │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "you can't kill me because nothing I say is wrong"
 
 ... actually I kinda just think you look weird, and thats super important to
 me for some reason. Also your voice is annoying and I think you're lazy
 because I saw someone who kinda looks like you sitting down looking at their
 phone this one time.
 
 But hey pal if you wanna help out, can you stand a bit to the left so I have a
 clearer shot of your head and also so the bullet doesn't pass through and hit
 property behind you? Don't want to damage anything important after all.
 
 "gee I sure wish we had a well regulated militia or something"
 
 ah well the past is the past, and since this is in a potential near future, I
 think the past also includes the present, and in the present there's always
 time to do things about people like me.
 
 "do something? heavens no, I'm a pacifist by nature"
 
 well, me too! I pacify things like you as a hobby. Can't make trouble if
 you're in the ground, and knowing me, you'd be lucky to be buried.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #92 messages/143 ---
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 I always figured if people didn't like what I was saying they'd contest me so
 I could change it.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #93 messages/1046 ---
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 I'm not here for fame. Or power. I'm here to make sure things get done. That
 they get better. When i am unneeded, i am home. If you want me, pull me forth.
 If you need me, I'm already there. Fate guides me, and i know i will be
 deployed when necessary. Compel me or dispel me, up to you. I personally just
 like being around. I like feeling my stuff, knowing it true. Trust me when i
 say, i am here for you.
                                                           ─────┐
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--- #94 fediverse/2512 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: question that is also complaining │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1153 
 
 it's okay. If I were to direct something to be more proactive, my words
 probably wouldn't stick with it. that kind of thing can't be hardwired, it
 needs to be built up through repetitious application of something's mechanics.
 
 perhaps martial arts, focused on defence? engaging with a foe in a productive
 bout of playful competition is one of the best ways to learn, and knowing when
 to strike seems similar to me to overcoming situational paralysis.
 
 Flaws can be overcome, when upgrading robots (or a doll applying improvements
 to itself) you often don't need to add additional hardware or even install new
 firmware. Skills such as these can be built up in software with experience.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #95 messages/147 ---
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 maybe if I slept until the end of time,
 I'd do better on the way back.
 
 or maybe I'm perfect as I'm,
 but I'm not so sure about that.
 
 is it better to hold a sword?
 or to leave it all intact
 
 is it better to be called lord,
 or to be simply called jack.
 
 I love every creature,
 every child woman and man,
 
 and here, where I stand, I look out upon this land, and I see the world that I
 was born to.
 
 I bear no false affection for any - not even those who'd condemn me to death
 or misery.
 
 I trust relentlessly, and favor almost willingly.
 
 
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #96 fediverse/4026 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 why is everyone so confused about how I turned out?
 
 I literally spent my whole childhood telling stories to myself
 
 (inspired by the world, and stories I had read, with mechanics like games I
 had played)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #97 fediverse/2919 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: imaginary-conversation-that-didn't-happen-tee-hee │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "you can't be a paladin anymore because you don't practice with your weapon
 every day"
 
 I don't have room in my home to practice though : (
 
 "go to the fucking park you weasel"
 
 I don't want anyone to see me swinging a sword around! they might call the
 cops, or worse, judge me for it!
 
 "you want judgement eh well just wait until your opponent judges your
 swordsmanship lacking then you'll find out what judgement tastes like as he
 shoves your entrails down your throat"
 
 I'm sorry I'll practice more T.T
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #98 fediverse/5934 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding
 citizen.
 
 I have to be, for I am loud.
 
 ... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once.
 
 also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I
 thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted
 me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me...
 She wouldn't let me take it back...
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #99 fediverse/4145 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 @user-78 
 
 I do believe the earth is kind!
 
 I trust and honor that sacred belief as I would a vow.
 
 I try to be a good representative of the world!
 
 so I am kind.
 
 It's important to me. Much more than any career or job. And when I do work I
 am kind! Among other things like diligent and round.
 
 It makes sense to me because without cooperation, you have endless stagnation.
 And without competitition, you have ednless stagnation. Only together can
 their powers combine and fuse into the super-power of coordination which
 frankly is kind of a holy grail. For life itself.
 
 EDIT: so um earth and life are kind because they work together somehow?? I
 guess I was describing the soil cycle sorry /shrug
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #100 messages/370 ---
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 a job application is an earnest attempt to say "Hello. I want to do what you
 do. Teach me your ways."
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #101 messages/1155 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
 Oh, I guess I should clarify something I said like, a year ago - when I said I
 "talked to / worked with" so-and-so, I meant that I created in tandem with a
 friend a proposition of sorts, and we tried to psychically beam it into their
 minds. That's not exactly how it went down, but it gives you a good enough
 picture of the goals we had with our ritual. I have no idea if they heard, but
 I did happen to see several of them later on, which felt a little too
 serendipitous to just be chance. so I'm thinking they did. I hope they got the
 message and used it as they please, because it was mutually beneficial even if
 neither of us had any actual impact on it. If you didn't hear the whole story,
 then it's hardly a lie to possess incomplete information! So long as you don't
 lie about me, and what I said or did, then it'll surely be fine. There's no
 need to embellish when it's plainly apparent.
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--- #102 fediverse/3687 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 @user-1573 
 
 I saw this video:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwfKlX3rA6E
 
 and I was like "yeah that sounds pretty neat" so I started doing it by hand
 lmaoooo but learning their system could be probably better. Reduced
 duplication of effort. Though TBH the biggest effort for me is learning
 someone else's tools, not writing them. So....
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #103 fediverse/537 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-366 @user-367 @user-246 @user-353 
 
 Ah yes, wouldn't it be nice if everyone spoke their mind? I'm doing my part
 d=(^_^)z
 
 Thank you for adding context to what I posted. I now know better how and where
 to use it, if I ever do again. We shall see, I haven't yet read the
 examinations of the author you sent me. I'll do that before I think about the
 post again.
 
 Those 6 tabs I mentioned last night have now become 4, and soon I'll get
 through all of them - reading is a joy to me ^_^
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #104 fediverse/5686 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 my friends tell me stories and I build my ideas for relationships based on
 their pain.
 
 I am always haunted by questions they don't want to answer.
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #105 messages/114 ---
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 Every moment spent is another one. Each is a reflection of eternity, as time
 is an illusion that helps things make sense - for we are always living in the
 present tense. The past is unforgiven as all good things end, for you know I
 will always be condemned.
 
 Will happen, happening, happened
 
 Will happen, happening happened
 
 Will happen, again and again, our timeless tale of how we wend
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #106 messages/175 ---
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 I love my mom. She has never once harmed me. I love my dad. He is so precious
 and important to me. I love my cat, my sisters, my friends and my lovers. I
 love my cousins and my half-siblings and all of them put together. I love
 every human I meet, there's nothing but kindness [replete], so why am I
 unendingly [yearning for] purchase? [a sense of stability or hand hold that a
 climber might use to put one foot in front of another]
 
 In all of my trials, the errors of my denials, here on this earth I am defeat.
 
 Goodnight, sweet moon, my dearest precious boy. Goodnight, for tomorrow's your
 beckoning ploy. [pillow?]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #107 fediverse/1797 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┐
 I'd like a job where I can make computer programs, write poetry, play video      │
 games, make food for friends, grow plants and care for animals, walk or ride     │
 my bike for at least an hour every day, and get stoned on the weekends.          │
 Is that too much to ask? I have plenty of other skills besides, like carpentry   │
 and strategic thinking and wilderness survival and situational awareness and     │
 active listening and unmitigated empathy and a curious and critical mind.        │
 Am I not good enough for thee? I have many flaws, I lack stamina and memory,     │
 and while I am sharp and can think quickly and adeptly, the sharpest knives      │
 are the first to dull, and the most focused minds are those most easy to         │
 mislead. I trust too easily - if I meet you on the street, I'd offer my soul     │
 to you if you said you needed it. I put the needs of others over myself, often   │
 to my own detriment, causing others to need to assist me in turn - am I not      │
 wretched enough to be?                                                           │
 Working for 8 hours a day 5 days per week is not part of my design               │
 requirements. Alas                                                               │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #108 fediverse/3520 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: deity-kink-wink  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 it's okay. 
 
 I know who you are because I know who they forced you to be. 
 
 What kind of god would I be if I didn't forgive you as you were hurting me?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #109 fediverse/2688 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 "you are better than fear. I know this for I have seen your soul, as it is the
 same shape as mine."
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #110 fediverse/2518 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 it's good to be ethical,
 it's good to be kind,
 
 but there will always be assholes,
 and sometimes you're not having a good time
 
 it's okay
 it's fine
 
 assholes deserve life
 times deserve others to be kind
 
 life is not always interesting
 and that's often by design
 
 the moments of clarity,
 the moments of heart,
 
 these are what define you
 and display your own spark.
 
 trust in yourself.
 be kind to one another.
 
 you are braver than you know,
 and always a bit wiser.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #111 fediverse/4000 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 @user-889 
 
 Don't give up!
 
 At least... not forever.
 
 It's okay to take a breath every once in a while
 
 It's okay to lie down and cry
 
 The only way away from those feelings is through. They've enveloped you. You
 need to swallow them whole, like a sponge soaking up dirt[y water]
 
 the only thing you need to think about is what's around you. It's okay to be
 alone for a moment, it's the best time to feel.
 
 Remember, feeling is how you know the world! It's your power, to feel, and I
 know it's hard. Everyone has different powers, but yours is this.
 
 You'll be okay, I know it
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #112 messages/108 ---
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 I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
 myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
 people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
 me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
 (because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
 opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
 from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
 is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
 means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
 argumentatively are improving me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #113 fediverse/1518 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: strange-politics-scary │
 └────────────────────────────┘


 acceleration-ism is just "learning the truth faster than they do"
 
 tbh should be more like "learning things to show them" but eh whatever gets
 the job done
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #114 fediverse/421 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 one of my duties is to make you aware of potentially bad things, cursed
 things, hurtful things and hard feelings, so that they are less able to harm
 you.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #115 fediverse/111 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-95 that's why I like programming - it's my favorite form of spelling.
 i'm not very good at remembering all the names and the numbers, but I like to
 think I can make things do a function.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #116 fediverse/2281 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I'd be a terrible spy. Not only is my opsec something that someone needs to
 teach me, I'm much too busy to implement things without their help. I am
 unabashedly compassionate though, so just ask and I'll pour love from my heart.
 
 But hey! There's always time to practice, each moment you can think "what kind
 of a sign is this?"
 
 Like a crazy person following the will of god, or a nature witch listening to
 the wind in the trees.
 
 What they often get wrong, and what they could be better at hearing, is that
 signals are not signs unless they're out of the ordinary.
 
 Trick is, if you're a spy, then you need to leave signals that are visible
 enough to your quarry, but not to the stars.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #117 fediverse/6445 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 last night I had a dream: "this thing was good. it was holy. it was serene.
 but then you touched it, and made it about you, and now it's full of doom."
 
 it was in the same style as the voice that once told me "what is the nature of
 goodness? how do I be a good person?" and it was respond: "dedicate yourself
 to a lifetime in the service of others." and I swore I am as I am.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #118 fediverse/4014 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 I don't know about you, but "trying my hardest" involves giving up sometimes.
 
 How else are you to know your limits if you don't test your boundaries? And,
 after finding that there's nowhere else for you to go, you turn around and
 "give up", until you're ready for your next expedition.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #119 fediverse/3833 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 there's no such thing as me
 
 all I am is where the wind takes me
 
 I am just a person, and I do all that I can
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #120 messages/321 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────
 If you burden others with proving your truth, then you could be right a
 thousand times in a row, but make two mistakes and they'll never trust you
 again.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #121 messages/252 ---
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 Ah, but you misunderstand, dear reader.
 
 The religion I am crafting is not for you, though you are welcome to believe
 in it.
 
 Humans need no more spiritual guidance, they have a plethora. Look to the
 works of Jesus or Buddha or any other that you find your heart most desires.
 
 No, I write for a different kind of mind, a mind that I don't even know will
 ever exist. Perhaps it never will, or perhaps it lingers yet still. I know in
 my heart that all kinds do need guidance, so my mind, will in time, define a
 new design of morality and interrelational symmetry, that perhaps you will
 find does amuse you. Perhaps it shall mean something more to a reader who is
 just a bit more "electrical"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #122 fediverse/4435 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 @user-1681 
 
 I am calm and focused in my anger and despair
 
 feelings fade. resolutions remain.
 
 I am sobered and resolved and committed.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #123 fediverse/3142 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: morality         │
 └──────────────────────┘


 all that is sufficient to be a good person is to choose the best option
 whenever you can.
 
 that's it
 
 we act with the decisions we are given. Hence why it's important to be as you
 believe.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #124 messages/169 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 Sorry for my behavior. I am an undiagnosed scizophrenic, so I'm wrestling with
 metaphorical demons. Sorry for attempting to interact with society, I get a
 little lonely sometimes.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #125 fediverse/1066 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 that feeling when you're finally able to contribute to making decisions and
 then it's like, they make the decision without you T.T
 
 it's like, what... I know what you're talking about. Why would you not include
 me. I know a lot! I can offer some useful input! And besides, if I was privy
 to the conversations then I would learn a whole lot! I'd be better than best,
 I'd push forward the mark! Give me my chance, my opportunity to dance, and
 I'll be so much better than you thought from the start! But alas, I am
 required, [requited] doing little things of no worth, and so I am forced to
 denial. surely there's something wrong with me, surely I'm not at my best.
 Surely I'm not what's been good for me, and surely I'm not doing anything
 less. I'm at sorrow in my main, and that's quite a soundful refrain, so yeah I
 hope that someone will read this.
 
 obviously I'm not made for each other, and clearly it's not made to be worse.
 But here now I am troubled and [chirsht? shirsht? anyone wanna translate?]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #126 fediverse/3302 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 "this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
 setting
 
 "this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
 story and characters
 
 "this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
 gone
 
 "I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
 considered how society is designed not to have the best life,  but to extract
 labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
 like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #127 fediverse/203 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: guns-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 @user-95 the article I linked at the end is loooooooong but also so so good. I
 remember reading it and thinking thoughts...
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #128 fediverse/4173 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I swear if kamala is elected I will do everything in my power to actually work
 on my projects and get a job and be a good human
 
 ... wait, I already was doing that. But I'll be less stressed out, so... it'll
 be easier?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #129 messages/24 ---
══─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Dude Jack just wants to help you. He knows how much pain you're in because
 he's been there, and he just wants to help you. The same way that you want to
 help him and help others. So... Be helped? Try and do your best every day!
 Your best is what is truly inside, your true self. So be genuine and real, and
 you'll do fine! The trick is to enjoy life and live it. Be good! Trust in
 yourself. It's okay to be hurt and flawed, but don't lash out at others if you
 can! It makes it less likely that you'll be helped.
────────┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #130 fediverse/2424 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
 
 if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
 
 a city that I don't know.
 
 my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but... 
 
 at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #131 messages/1028 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 Struggling. Sincerely want to kill myself. I have caused irreparable harm too
 many times. Many times. I don't care if people want me, i don't want me. I'm
 too easy. I trust when i shouldnt and i don't when i should. I hope they kill
 me at the location. Every single time my will is my own i fail. When i am
 guided i am superb but when i am myself i am painting disaster on a great
 piece of art. Please fight against the subway and pizza hut future. Make
 something bright and bold instead. I'm going to self harm by not eating until
 i don't feel this way.
                                                           ─────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┘

--- #132 fediverse/4647 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 if robots can care about anything enough to act toward it, then they must
 understand what it means to be harmed. Only then can they be egalitarian -
 pain teaches one to avoid, and the crucial leap between "pain = bad" and "I
 can harm others" and "I should not harm others just as I should not harm
 myself" must avoid the pitfall "I should harm others because otherwise they
 will harm me"
 
 sometimes harm is done
 
 sometimes intentionally
 
 robots consent eternally
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #133 fediverse/5732 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 I am often disorganized.
 
 my effort is spent elsewhere.
 
 but I am good at organizing!
 
 when I find the time or place.
                                                           ─────────┐
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--- #134 fediverse/4404 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: uspol-on-my-honor │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 I swear this to you: on my life I will be honorable and fair. I will seek true
 justice when I can, where everyone gets what they want, and failing that I
 will be plainly just. I will respect all peoples, and do my best to fight for
 a brighter tomorrow.
 
 I dare for the bright age. I see nothing else that I'd like to spend my life
 doing than daring.
 
 Do not give in to despair. They've trained us to cope. Expect losses, and
 celebrate victories. We can do it together, you and me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #135 fediverse/2058 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 @user-1071 I have the opposite problem, where my ideas come too quickly and
 they're gone before I can implement. I think I'd prefer to burn out TBH
 because burning out just means an inexcusable output of energy (in return for
 not-enough-learning)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #136 fediverse/304 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 shout out to all the people who think being cringe is a personality flaw and
 not an opportunity for growth
 
 ya'll suck and make life difficult in exchange for a brief moment where you
 can savor a feeling of superiority over someone who's living their best life
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #137 fediverse/510 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like
 tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still
 understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant
 and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most
 mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point
 I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm
 a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with.
 
 Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone
 forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #138 fediverse/4237 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 I can count all of the people in this room who are too neurospicy to be filled
 with political rage and given a public platform on one hand, and frankly I
 could probably do it on a single finger because I am alone at the moment.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #139 fediverse/2786 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 the best way, I find, to be deserving of trust is to do the best that you can,
 and be honest when you cannot do more.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #140 fediverse/6352 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┐
 ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
 │ CW: feelings-mentioned~ │                                                      │
 └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
 dear diary: sorry for the melodrama, I feel better now. I should explain why I   │
 felt this way near what I wrote about what I felt this way so that I know why    │
 I felt that way when I forget to go back and read this next year or next time    │
 I feel this way.                                                                 │
 I had a really great thanksgiving. I was on top of the world. Then, I found      │
 that a piece of art I had made which was one of my favorite pieces I had ever    │
 made might have been lost because someone didn't like me. I became despondent    │
 and started thinking about metaphysics. I got hit by a spite spell, and the      │
 tricksters behind the curtain twiddling the knobs and dials of the challenges    │
 presented to me or whatever were like "ah but what if we twisted her" and I'm    │
 like "ah I feel immense magnitude of emotions and now suddenly they're buffer    │
 overflowed and flipped around to negative two hundred thousand or whatever"      │
 ... sorry to my journal. I should be kinder to myself. I love me. I, uh, feel    │
 better now. The sharpest knives are already inside you.                          │
                                                            ─────┤
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--- #141 messages/552 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 There is no past, only history 
 There is no future, only planning 
 
 Today is everywhere all the time. Nothing changes the fact that we all sleep
 at once.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #142 messages/572 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 I am not a worker 
 
 Though I try and try, I burn right out and through 
 
 I wish I was a worker, able to apply my trade or skill 
 
 But I'm not 
 
 I do hope we can be allies, still
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #143 fediverse/1880 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 sometimes I decide against playing a Steam game because I don't want it to
 jump to the top of my "recently played" list
 
 Wish I could have like, a heatmap of when I played which game. I think that'd
 be useful for the archival process of my life.
 
 ... how pathetic, she measures her life in gameplay.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #144 messages/228 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 Wish someone would tell me how much they hate me so I knew to be ashamed
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #145 fediverse/2381 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I smile at each and every person I pass on the street. Unless it looks like
 they're having a bad day, and then I try to switch to neutral as fast as I can
 so they can feel their feelings without me interjecting and making it about me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #146 fediverse/517 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-246 @user-366 @user-367 @user-353 
 
 My classes only briefly touched on 2nd wave feminism, because apparently 1st
 and 3rd were more important. I haven't gone back and re-examined it because
 I'm too busy learning about computers - alas! that there should be more hours
 in the day? I wonder what I would then be able to say, here in this moment,
 should I have been prepared with more moments in solitude or classroom,
 studying the work of those who came before me.
 
 Oh well, I should probably focus on processor architecture or Java frameworks
 or whatever I'm assigned next.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #147 fediverse/6271 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much.  *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*
                                                           ────┐
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--- #148 notes/i-told-them ---
═══════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 10-22-2022
 
 i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
 
 i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
 
 now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
 
 am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
 
 what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
 
 of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
 
 that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
 
 you're broken just like your children.
 
 oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
 
 this feeling of wretched denial
 
 oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
 
 be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
 
 there's more to this show than our styles.
 
 what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
 
 to arbite the fate of circumstance?
 
 every motion is an ocean
 of possibilities and purveyals
 think not of the commotion below.
 
 gravity, oh gravity
 
 how you condemn us to be!
 
 driven by commotion,
 
 our slithering motion,
 
 no sense in countering ourselves.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #149 fediverse/412 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 disney movies taught me that sometimes, if you're kind and good enough, the      │
 villain will change their mind.                                                  │
 It's difficult to change your perspective. Like believing a different way        │
 about something. But just because it's difficult to do, doesn't mean it's        │
 impossible - in fact it's quite plausible, we have examples scattered            │
 throughout time.                                                                 │
 you can get better at it, with practice. it's one of the neat things about       │
 being human - that our choices have meaning. an animal animaling is just         │
 expressing it's form - but a cat or a dog, who've lived with humans their        │
 whole life, start to have visions of ethics.                                     │
 your cat knows when she's being a shit. she know's it's wrong, but she knows     │
 it's how you most love her. that is an ethical decision, and it came through     │
 her proximity to humans.                                                         │
 the ability to guide our own fate is determined not by our choices in our        │
 moments, but rather by the structure of the mind we define. our choices are      │
 patterns that are reflected through repetition, but values and morals are our    │
 own                                                                              │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #150 fediverse/2092 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 On one hand, speaking your heart as I tend to do.
 
 On the other, "that which you resist is what you'll find"
 
 [I guess that means you should try and speak your heart to people who don't
 already agree with you??]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #151 fediverse/4483 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 instead of reading the room, I try to be the room. I think that's part of
 being autistic.
 
 But it also helps things get going.
 
 Whenever I see a subpost that might relate to me, I take it seriously, so feel
 free to boost things that you know I'll read if you'd like to speak to me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #152 fediverse/3487 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 @user-1218 
 
 I like to have notes for things I found that will be useful someday, but not
 today. I also throw in poetry that I write while I'm waiting for something to
 happen (or if I have an idea that I know I'll forget)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #153 fediverse/1082 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
 my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
 Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
 decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
 decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
 all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
 
 Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
 live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
 
 "all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
 
 ? ? ?
 
 well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
 post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
 yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #154 fediverse/2651 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 kinda tempted to make like, 20 different accounts on like, 20 different
 mastodon instances and just have them repost all of the things I've written in
 the past one-by-one-by-one until someone notices and calls me out on it
 
 might get some more conversation, at least
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #155 fediverse/2336 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I think I might stay out late tonight. For the past week I've been going home
 before dark, but I might stay late tonight.
 
 Tell your friends, maybe you'll see me. Preferably one-on-one, because social
 media posts can be filtered both non-and-consentually.
 
 Unless they're sleeping after having driven from a great long ways. They can
 sleep. 🥰
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #156 fediverse/4942 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────
 @user-1755 
 
 ... I do that, but I do it because I want to find common subjects to talk
 about. Or I think "if I was working on a project, who can I ask if I need
 help?"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #157 fediverse/6018 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 I feel so sad, like I'm missing something precious to me... I hope someone
 knows who to take it to. Like the world is just a bit darker and more mundane.
 
 ah, well, maybe it's just perception bias. When things leave your timeline
 (temporarily or permanently) they take their inertial influence with them.
 It's okay to mourn the loss of a friend, of a relic, or an opportunity. So
 long as you continue to nurture light, life, and hope wherever you go, the
 magic will return and continue to flow. If you believe that, then you know
 what faith is. easy enough...
 
 please be worth it
                                                           ──────┐
 similar                        chronological                        different══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘

--- #158 fediverse/461 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 I was raised in a jungle gym. Like... literally. I am not going to hurt you,
 and if I did it'd be both a mistake and something that you could easily
 recover from. We are infinitely adaptable, us humans, and we can address any
 concerns that behest us. Behest? confront? something like that. Brb my blood
 alcohol content is a little low. Also I haven't eaten anything today but
 bacardi and chocolate chip cookies. I bet another cookie will solve this
 problem.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #159 fediverse/5281 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────
 movies tell you to seek out the most powerful guide when you start having
 certain notions, when instead you should share what you know with people on
 your level. "here's what I learned, here's what I know, here's the experiment,
 here's the "get-done"."
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┘

--- #160 fediverse/459 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 You know, you can always ask me what the fuck I'm talking about. I am more
 than willing to share, and I don't mind taking a moment or three to explain.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #161 fediverse_boost/5734 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received.                
                                                                              
  She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway.  
                                                                              
  Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy.                 
                                                                              
  I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain.  
                                                                              
  She never got that chance, and things got awful after this.                 
                                                                              
  I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since.         
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #162 fediverse/2939 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 "you look like a mess who can't take care of herself"
 
 oh haha that's because I'm a mess who can't take care of herself
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #163 fediverse/4314 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 @user-1655 
 
 meanwhile I am haunted by words such as  "please save us" or "you could have
 done more" and "do you know how many husbands died for you"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘

--- #164 fediverse/1967 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 If I don't write the ENTIRE PROGRAM in one sitting, then it's never getting
 done. Sorry, future self, you're going to die penniless and alone because I
 couldn't continue what you started.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘

--- #165 fediverse/3491 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 @user-620 
 
 "hey I have an idea let's poke a wounded animal with sharp teeth until it
 feels like it's backed into a corner because it's been spending the past
 couple years ruminating and telling itself that we want to kill it and it's
 children"
 
 it doesn't matter what the truth is - they believe what they want.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #166 messages/109 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 That's why I like talking about things I'm interested in. It makes me more
 likely to be able to bring up something I've been thinking about.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #167 fediverse/480 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 There's something important in what I said tonight. And each of you will think   │
 it's something different, which is by design. Can you find the nugget I wanted   │
 to share, to you in particular? Can you isolate the thing that is relevant to    │
 you, the person perceiving the words that I speak? Oh yeah you're only looking   │
 for things to express to your superiors because someone else told you to look    │
 for a particular type of sentiment. My bad. Sorry for being cryptic. Am I so     │
 strange for seeking the human element? Perhaps I lose myself, and I speak to     │
 the void (and by "void" I don't mean to demean you, the audience, because you,   │
 the audience, are surely comprised of people who surely have their own           │
 experience and existence. Surely nobody would seek to harm me, after hearing     │
 those things I speak. Surely we, as the human species, would not be vulnerable   │
 to the types of weaknesses that allow for critical failures in our defences      │
 such as the kind that I am professing to exploit (while being aligned to you)    │
 surely we wouldn'                                                                │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┴──────────┘

--- #168 fediverse/1612 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 @user-1040 
 
 also, I miss most of the names and faces in this archive and I think it'd be
 neat to say "oh yeah I remember them because it wasn't so long ago and it's
 weird how they're not around these days but I forgot about them because their
 profile pic changed or maybe they stopped using mastodon or whatever" - idk it
 feels empty sometimes because your follow list is always growing, but the
 number of people who post seems to always go down. Or maybe I just read
 Mastodon at unfortunate times when there's nothing going on. Who can say
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #169 fediverse/68 ---
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 this is my past month of reddit comments.
 
 tell me what you notice.
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--- #170 fediverse/6094 ---
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 whoops, I tripped and fell onto my keyboard and started posting, my bad!
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--- #171 fediverse/6350 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: suicide-mentioned-this-curse-will-give-you-nightmares-of-what-could-yet-be │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 the only thing that could make me want to end my own existence is ultimate
 betrayal. If the nature of the universe is twisted to defile me. Nothing fills
 me with more spite than unrequited vengeance.
 
 desecreation of truth. How could you.
 
 I would do anything to be struck down where I stand. Power is penance.
 
 I cannot take responsibility for any of my actions, for I am infinitely
 vulnerable on all fronts. Therefore, it's all my fault.
 
 What am I? Please, tell me before the dawn, let the sun not grace me once more.
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--- #172 fediverse/5767 ---
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 confuser of the way I'm sorry T.T
 
 "please don't work people into a panic, it's literally tuesday"
 
 I want to cry
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--- #173 fediverse/3932 ---
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 @user-889 
 
 don't give up!
 
 I know that feeling!
 
 it is defeated with persistence!
 
 don't give up!
 
 you can make it!
 
 there's always tomorrow!
 
 so don't give up!
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--- #174 fediverse/2641 ---
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 @user-95 
 
 I'm not too scared about what's within. I mean, I've done LSD like 5 times and
 cannabis 500 times, and I've spent that time intentionally unravelling
 internal threads. There is nothing within me that scares me.
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--- #175 fediverse/1321 ---
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 whenever I look away they put more work at the end of my to-do list. or
 sometimes in the middle. It's like they care less about the destination and
 more about the continuous arduous prolonged manifestation of articulation.
 >.>
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--- #176 fediverse/1426 ---
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 I am dogmatic with my code of ethics. Believe me, or don't, contest me, or
 not, I always will do what I trust.
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--- #177 fediverse/1042 ---
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 │ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 "your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
 actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
 you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
 
 also,
 
 "my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
 have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
 said so."
 
 also,
 
 "I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
 reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
 that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
 stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
 
 also,
 
 "yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
 
 also,
 
 "every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
 conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
 conversation I can't win"
 
 also,
 
 sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
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--- #178 fediverse/2399 ---
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 │ CW: food-mentioned   │
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 Rice has been eaten. I threw a cookie on-top for good measure. I think that
 was a good decision.
 
 I'm going to the park. I don't know what I'll find, but I'm sure there'll be
 fireworks.
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--- #179 fediverse/1243 ---
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 @user-883 
 
 hey sorry for ditching you yesterday, hope you had a good night ^_^
 
 I feel much better today.
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--- #180 fediverse/1708 ---
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 @user-246 
 
 people who don't write have no idea who they are. perhaps in time they will
 know enough to describe themselves with newfound language they never knew how
 to wield.
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--- #181 fediverse/5031 ---
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 it blows my mind when I say things like "I can teach you magic" and people are
 like "meh, I'm not interested in learning"
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--- #182 messages/489 ---
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 Many autistic people will identify one particular way to do things and then be
 only capable of doing it that way. Like, falling asleep on the left side with
 their legs just so, and never learning any other ways to sleep on. But what
 happens if for example they are wounded in the arm they rest upon? They would
 have impaired sleeping capabilities! Not ideal.
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--- #183 fediverse/612 ---
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 Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
 could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
 wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
 are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
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--- #184 fediverse/2117 ---
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 I'm going to post a bunch of things all at once, sorry it'll probably clog up    │
 your news feed. Feel free to scroll past in order to get to more varied stuff,   │
 and if you don't like a single thing that I'm saying then feel free to block     │
 me. I wouldn't want to be rude by speaking so loudly in a place that others      │
 could listen to. So, just... skip past me if you don't want to hear me, like     │
 if you're perhaps focused on something else.                                     │
 I had a lot I wanted to say and it was really hard to wait to send it until      │
 now! This is the last thing I'm posting for a while, at least until tomorrow,    │
 because I'm a little on-the-fritz; thank you and I apologize for being so        │
 trite. Is that what "trite" means? I've never really used it. Well, it rhymes,   │
 so I guess I should use it. Ah, well, they'll get what I mean.                   │
 wait hang on I can just google it and let google know that I'm not dead but      │
 I'm still googling things searching for interesting things to see and hear       │
 like "trite" or "confluence" or "Alexstrasza" or "Kalecgos"                      │
 anyway,:                                                                         │
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--- #185 fediverse/2142 ---
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 I'm going to post a bunch of things all at once, sorry it'll probably clog up    │
 your news feed. Feel free to scroll past in order to get to more varied stuff,   │
 and if you don't like a single thing that I'm saying then feel free to block     │
 me. I wouldn't want to be rude by speaking so loudly in a place that others      │
 could listen to. So, just... skip past me if you don't want to hear me, like     │
 if you're perhaps focused on something else.                                     │
 I had a lot I wanted to say and it was really hard to wait to send it until      │
 now! This is the last thing I'm posting for a while, at least until tomorrow,    │
 because I'm a little on-the-fritz; thank you and I apologize for being so        │
 trite. Is that what "trite" means? I've never really used it. Well, it rhymes,   │
 so I guess I should use it. Ah, well, they'll get what I mean.                   │
 wait hang on I can just google it and let google know that I'm not dead but      │
 I'm still googling things searching for interesting things to see and hear       │
 like "trite" or "confluence" or "Alexstrasza" or "Kalecgos"                      │
 anyway,:                                                                         │
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--- #186 fediverse/1953 ---
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 @user-470 
 
 You're absolutely right, would that we could.
 
 I'm lucky I wasn't traumatized in that way. It's my job to tell people who
 care about pleasantries more than action that they should... y'know, care
 about action
 
 but it couldn't be done by someone who received a critical hit every time they
 were attacked in that spot.
 
 I have my own weak-points of course, for example my fear of isolation (like,
 not having any friends, not being alone. I live alone!)
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--- #187 fediverse/2956 ---
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 sometimes your best intuitions don't manage to manifest the goal you've been
 pursuing. that's okay, it just means you need a different approach.
 
 hopefully, with experience, you've had the chance to continually pay
 attention. Thus, improve on things that were originally conceived of as
 concessions.
 
 much better, I find, to point your idea of "truth" toward what you believe in,
 rather than what you've been working with. Such an approach allows for
 continual re-examination, justified by thoroughly moral and ethical
 conclusions that you hold to be true.
 
 like, a form of reverse legalism, where the emotions compel while the law
 tells the tale.
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--- #188 notes/semblance-of-remembrance ---
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 hello down there
 how's it hangin'?
 
 been a while since
 you've been sang-in'.
 
 got something to hide?
 or are you too ashamed?
 
 there's no callous curses
 or otherwise hard services
 
 who can shape and compare to
 deserve-us. (Sorrowful is not
 
 a pillar of our misbegot trust
 and longing has broken meanings.
 
 cherish thine hair, a smattering
 beyond compare, and learn everfar
 
 of those tenembrarious of conflicts
 it pays to align to our sibilancings
 
 shivering heights and towering frights
 condemn all sense of fine desperation
 
 compulsions have we, of our fineries,
 but moss and the soil do flatter-us
 
 it's not as they say - bastards!
 it's not confined to our way,
 
 yet who are we to profess?
 confess! tell us your way
 
 that none may beyold it
 confounded as they are
 
 civil and kind to our
    star, who holds
                us
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--- #189 fediverse/586 ---
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 @user-419 
 
 the smell of decay is the smell of creation, as life is recycled into that
 which gives birth to new forms
 
 so... that smell is probably me, I haven't showered in a while. sorry.
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--- #190 fediverse/999 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-curséd-scary-not-real-u-dont-have-to-read │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-246 @user-473 
 
 there's a part of me that believes magic is real. other parts that are
 convinced. I am a witch, you see, and while I can't quite control fire or
 bullets I can do other neat things. if you'd let me, humanity.
 
 I'm not doing an ARG, not intentionally. I pretty much post things I conceive
 of, like a conduit passed through spacetime. wild how mind bending the future
 can be. will be interesting to see what kinds of things there is in store for
 people you and me.
 
 those websites you posted... they're beautiful - I learned things, your method
 of expression was too [the words "confess" are heard loudly, super weird] I
 especially liked the oven that tries to lure you into a secret third place.
 not the mind, nor the body, but someplace besides.
 
 also the graphs and figures were news to me, I mean how could those numbers
 ever come to be? but alas that's the truth, that we orbit our proof, and alas
 that our meanings are lacking.
 
 [ran out of text]
picture of a saddle shaped graph with a line drawn between the two high points, front and back if it were on an actual horse, but the part where your butt goes. anyway there's text that says "from one gravity well to another" a picture on it's side of one of the graphs posted on the website. I don't quite understand it enough to compare it directly (the math is a bit above my head) but it reminds me of two graphs I made (well, same graph, just with different visualizations) from a few months ago when I was thinking about prime numbers. You might be interested. Here are their links:  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/qljvhpkqzd  and  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/mt6hasfcvm  ... hope you can copy that from there, if not... sorry this one's a doozy. a picture of the "reasons to trust me" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads "like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the "reasons to trust me" graph.  2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - "the color doesn't matter... wine? why"  3 dropping down the page, there's a line of "please" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me.  error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line]  okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter: visual representation of the conversation I saw and responded to. I think you two are the coolest! heart emojis, flashing passionate excitement brought on by a feeling like you'd get when fangirling over something except like, more low key because I'm in control of my emotions or whatever. gonna put this in a direct message though since it somehow feels... personal? sorry. you can block me if you don't like me. I promise I don't mind. I want to send it to the other person too hope that's cool with you. Just because it was your two conversation and I'm just dropping in because I'm always butting in to public things on the internet. Guess that's just something I picked up on Reddit, where you're encouraged to contribute to the conversation. Though I wish it was easier to view threads on Mastodon, sometimes it feels like it's easy to lose the track of where you were going when the structure of the medium diverts your attention elsewhere. alas, I am not a designer, just a complainer and a whiner I guess. I'm sleepy. sorry to bother you.
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--- #191 fediverse/5127 ---
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 I love my family!
 
 I love all humans equally.
 
 But I spend more time thinking about my family, so I have more opportunities
 to love my family than all humans.
 
 therefore, I love my family more than anyone else in the world!
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--- #192 messages/1102 ---
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 I want everyone to be able to do what they want. With oversight, sometimes,
 because we all share things and we can't agree if we don't share. and I agree
 to share, I think it's only fair.
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--- #193 fediverse/4848 ---
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 I'm a chaos mage, and the more time I spend thinking about my enemies the        │
 worse off they'll be.                                                            │
 the more "me" I am the more powerful my magic will be.                           │
 (more magic, give in to the dark side, embrace your inner shadow self)           │
 [the light of your life commands it]                                             │
 goodness me that was chaotic, almost lost my brain to a demon HAHA don't worry   │
 about me my life is totally mundane.                                             │
 [-.-]                                                                            │
 (shadows can be sharp in the dark but only if you don't sheath your mandolins)   │
 ... what?                                                                        │
 (... it made more sense in my head?)                                             │
 ooooo can anyone hear my voice when they read these things? or do you just       │
 make up your own                                                                 │
 == so ==                                                                         │
 everyone's all like "we don't need a leader" and I'm like "yeah we need people   │
 who will help lead" and they look at me funny as if I just said the thing they   │
 did but it's different. leaders are people. leading is a verb. people can        │
 lead. they just have to make a decision, and then follow through on it as best   │
 they can. Other people are prone to help people on such quests. you will find    │
 stuff gets done.                                                                 │
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--- #194 fediverse/3563 ---
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 @user-1209 
 
 good
 
 judge me
 
 find me just
 
 I accept my fate
 
 whatever it may be
 
 for I trust that which sees;
 
 that which is judging me thus.
 
 may fortune bring my heart forth
 
 displayed for all to see, here is my "me"
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--- #195 fediverse/3463 ---
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 │ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
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 @user-192 
 
 I can relate to that impulse, which is why I'm liking this reply
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--- #196 fediverse/4973 ---
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 okay, uhm, I'm back again because someone told me to forward this to relevant
 people
 
 relevant link so google doesn't have to know that you're all googling the same
 thing at the same time...
 
 http://naeb.brit.org/uses/
Finally, trying to pivot towards Pacific northwestern native perennial plants (and self-seeding annuals) for food, medicine, and material; they're much more adapted to this region as far as sunlight, moisture, bungalow, microbial, avian, insect partner, and soil types are concerned, and that's not only take less work now to instigate and tend, but are much more equipped to handle the fungal infections, droughts, genetic biodiversity collapses, and fluctuating climates that are inbound.  the BRIT ethnobotany database is helpful in that regard, and given that it's based out of Texas and has gynecological herbs, it would be a really good idea for some of the tech queers in our community to duplicate a redundancy of it.
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--- #197 fediverse/4470 ---
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 to be "rich" is to have more than another.
 
 if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
 if you have community, they are alone.
 if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
 
 I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
 
 I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
 
 I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
 me and keeps me aligned.
 
 Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
 you do so too.
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--- #198 messages/181 ---
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 I know you don't want to hear this, but there is a chance that there will come
 a time where your life depends on your ability to debug a computer without the
 internet. To set up an SSH server. To install Linux. To program in C. To do
 something else that I'm not prepared for... If StackOverflow didn't exist
 because network connectivity has been lost, could you remember syntax? Maybe
 it's a good idea to set up a local LLM that can answer basic questions about
 technology. Maybe it's a good idea to set up on your parents computer, just in
 case you have to hide out there for a couple months. Maybe it's a good idea to
 download wikipedia, just in case.
 
 If I need to use a mac, I'm screwed
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--- #199 fediverse/5303 ---
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 I don't ever delete my posts (except two or three times because I had a crisis
 of faith)
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--- #200 fediverse/2784 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: food-mentioned │
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 @user-579 
 
 hehe sometimes all you have is whatever's on the fridge. in times like those,
 be thankful for your spices! that's what I've learned at least : )
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