=== ANCHOR POEM === ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── Most people: On a scale of "yes" to "no", how much does this pair of jeans smell like laundry? If yes, then clean. If no, then hamper. My gross-ass ass: On a scale of 0-10 inches, from how far away does this pair of jeans smell like pee or sweat? It's cleanliness score depends on who you're meeting today. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/222 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │ └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though. why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh heh sweats nervously damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on the internet. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/4305 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursing-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ other people: "you smell like you" my family: "you smell like BO take a fucking shower" throws things at me ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/1540 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: gross │ └──────────────────────┘ I don't know who needs to hear this, but... I know it's gross. Once it's in the trash, you never need to think about it again. You can do it, just get through it. It'll be fine. You can wash your hands. Here, use some gloves. It's okay. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘ --- #4 messages/1473 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ Um I should mention that the waterproof leather hat I mentioned earlier is styled like a cowboy hat not like a French penis. (what a weird way to say dildo) Trust me it'll look great if you do it right if not ill show you how to do it right ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #5 fediverse/5539 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────── don't put dirty dishes in the sink you filthy animals put them on the counter NEXT to the sink [it's not arbitrary it's just better] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/5668 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────── I've never felt cleaner than when I wash my body in a river. Something about the comforting bio-film on the rocks gives my skin a nice ooze. [ew gross] it's really not gross I promise it feels like it's how it's supposed to be [use lotion??] no that's different it's not about moisture [weirdo] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/4071 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── look, it's alright if you have a pile of clothes on your bedroom floor. Just... please make sure it doesn't connect to your mattress. Bugs can climb up it and bite you in your sleep. Trust me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/2954 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── whenever my cat is whining I walk around doing things that she might want until she stops trying to claw me - oh you want your litter cleaned? yeah sure I gotchu. oh you wanna go outside? nah okay how about playing with this yarn? no? okay let's see... oh dear you can see the bottom of your food bowl, conveniently forgetting the other mostly full food bowl over there... 😅 ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/1334 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: TMI-medical-issue-thing-don't-worry-about-it │ └──────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ subconsciously running your hand over your butt every time you stand up to make sure you didn't pee your pants ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/3581 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── @user-883 or vaporize, which doesn't have a smell beyond ~5 feet, especially if you exhale into a carbon filter like "weed smell" is a solvable problem and some people don't get it ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/4939 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: personal-medical-health-mentioned │ └───────────────────────────────────────┘ me - "I have to wear diapers and it sucks because I hate them" my girlfriend - "okay but what if you didn't" me - ":O" she/her - "how did you make that sound with your mouth" the it - a-wawaWAwa ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┘ --- #12 messages/1045 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────── Diaper skill reduces your chance of leaking. It's on a scale of 1-10 but there's beginners luck so your first 5-10 diapers will never leak. Boys with penises and girls with them can get 9 points of skill to reduce leak chance over the lifetime of the diaper by 90%. Girls with vulvas and boys with them can only level up to 6. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘ --- #13 fediverse/381 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── when your home directory scrolls up and off the top of your screen, it's time to do some cleaning. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/3590 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────┐ │ CW: violence-mentioned │ └────────────────────────┘ @user-1201 like throwing bricks at cop cars without having the infrastructure in place to keep you safe from their wrath? they're asking for trouble by pissing you off. 🥰 ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/1821 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── better to smell like the river than the city. (Yuck. Gross.) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/322 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── And lo! She would forever be know As the girl who would smell Like she had pissed herself ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/2734 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursing-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ holy shit I have a lot of laundry to do in the bathtub today. have I really not showered all week? ? ? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/3444 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │ └─────────────────────────────────────────┘ I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days. side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of sore losers storming the capital with guns. it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #19 messages/1460 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ "hello, if you make my hat in leather and red, I'll wear it around town in the rain and tell people where it came from" "no no it's okay if my sides get a bit rained on, I'll learn how to use it to stay warm." "hi, can you make it 2 inches here and a bit thicker here?" "sure I'll show you how I wear it. Here's some things that I wear alongside it." ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #20 messages/77 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── And lo! She would forever be know As the girl who smelled Like she had pissed herself ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ |