=== ANCHOR POEM === ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── hey does anyone want to hire me to do literally anything? I'll work for peanuts, and I'm pretty good at programming in C. I write pretty well, and I'm excellent at customer service (though my profile would beg to differ.) I have experience at large corporations and small ones, and I live in Portland OR I do game design, and many other things besides, and I'm friendly and kind. I promise I won't wear my witch hat to the meeting with investors, unless you think they'd be into that? I'm great with animals, better than people in fact, and I'm quite good with people, as they're just animals at best. I'm not as strange as I seem to be, at least not when you're dancing with my mask. I've grown quite bored, you see, and what better thing is there to be? than a working professional who knows what's best. I believe in our shared future, so if you'd like to work on a project just let me know - I work hard. A little too hard, because odds are I'll burn out after a year or so. I'm quite sharp, and I learn quickly. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/3155 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: cursing-mentioned │ └───────────────────────────┘ @user-1461 my issue is that I've never really had project-mates. Every time I try nobody will work with me. I applied to like, fifty different jobs, and nobody interviewed me! Sheesh, guess they don't want me. FIFTY JOBS. Entry level. Beginner programmer. ah well. I guess they confused someone who would work for 40,000$ per year with someone who was 1/3rd as useful as someone who deserved 120,000$ per year. I'd love to get experience. I'm sure I'd feel significantly differently with as much. Perhaps I'd even decide that programming professionally isn't for me, which would feel... quite defeating who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it. Though I will say my time in hardware taught me that I'm fragile and can't work too much. Like a scalpel that dulls when used consistently, I am a scalpel that gets no practice... Is that really useful at all? who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it. Though I do like writing logical machines. Laying out data. Picturing structures. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/4596 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────── @user-1707 hey, I'm working on a project. Might need some python, I tend to prefer Lua but it's pretty similar. It uses fediverse software and cheap hardware, think raspberry pi's except risc-v also it might use distributed local LLMs not to generate text, that's garbo and lame and stupid. Instead it uses them to transform text, maybe even translate text, into a more summarized form. Intentionally losing data, like a jpeg compression but for text. Might need some python for that. To glue it all together. The "distributed" part is a whitelist, so we'd need to write that too. Various small little utilities like that for connectivity. oh also there's a one-way ethernet cable that connects two of the boards so we'd need to store some information (easy) and send some UDP packets (hard) anyway it's pretty neat, lmk if you want my contact details and I can tell you about it. I might even be able to pay you. (everything open source, no telemetry, no backdoors, everything private is encrypted, etc etc) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/1532 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐ ║ modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner" │ ║ │ ║ they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I │ ║ see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about │ ║ the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or │ ║ "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way. │ ║ That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget │ ║ him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?" │ ║ or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself, │ ║ though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this │ ║ part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they │ ║ need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started." │ ║ or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can │ ║ help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about │ ║ going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots." │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #4 messages/439 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── They're afraid of the hamster wheel. I get it. But really I'm just asking myself questions - why, why, how, what, when, who... Mostly why though. Always and forever the questions and answers I did ponder - yet forth through my life I've never met any surefire design, there's always been the matter of [hope, but pronounced choice]. Only an eternal question monger could suffice for the teachings of christ. (in the general sense, not the religious implication) (as a title, almost) Fear not the one who takes the lords name, but perish the thought of a crook. Only the vane, in this do profane. No questions? Then let us move on. Oh? Well I have some answers, about the truth of totality as it spreads across all centuries. What's on your mind? ... Well, I have to leave people I care about. Relinquishing love is difficult. And I get to choose how to move forward. But I must choose soon, and though I ask myself always what I'd like to do, I always get a new answer. And every time I think "I should do this. I should dedicate myself to this [whatever it may be] and on the other side of that thought I realized my power. I can imagine really quickly and adeptly, but chaos is difficult. " something like that. Anyway I don't know how to move forward but I'll figure something out. The point is that I'm sad for leaving those I care about. It's a sad kind of love, a bittersweet mercy, the chance to be part of a flock. And I don't know why I I am not entry level. I haven't spent my time here left fallow. I never stop working, I am constantly online. I do not know how to relax, every moment to myself is spent on learning through play. Like a child, almost. Do you want a company to make good decisions? Hire a gamer. They literally practice strategy all day long. Don't expect results overnight because they're learning a new song, but still apply yourself as their teacher. They'll bring you insights and intuitions that achieve specific near and long-term goals. If executed correctly, of course. Because the value is not in the follow through - life is not a book of numbers [like a banker or accountant] it's more like. ? ... Right sorry I got off track - the point is you shouldn't hire athletes (the people who play games like an esport) for a strategic role - they excel at tactics. However, strategy gamers (who plays games primarily of the mind, the science of making good decisions) can often make good decisions to achieve defined meta-goals and objectives. Longer thoughts make sense if you spend a long time thinking about them. And grammar is quickly forgotten to the past. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/3234 --- ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: ritz-is-fucking-stupid-I-guess-oh-whoops-cursing-mentioned │ │ ║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ my understanding is that anyone with my IP address could make my heart bleed │ ║ due to a hardware vulnerability on my motherboard. Though you might have to │ ║ get past my decrepit ancient linksys EA 3500 router from 2012 first. │ ║ │ ║ unrelated, but does anyone want my IP address? I don't have any remote │ ║ backups, so if you hate me now would be a great time to show me how despised I │ ║ am. Alternatively you could try searching for anything evil to ensure that I │ ║ can be trusted. You're gonna find mostly video games and source-code that I │ ║ didn't write though. But also all my notes in directories that are │ ║ non-standard, meaning you'll have to look around a bit. I leave little notes │ ║ everywhere I go, so that I can remind myself how to do things in the │ ║ directories I revisit months later. It's so weird how sometimes the things I │ ║ wrote stop working after a while even if I didn't update my system lmao │ ║ │ ║ what is it with artists and self-immolation? "I never thought I'd actually di │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #6 messages/1492 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I haven't been doing weed lately, which is why I haven't been posting as much. I want to be in a good position mentally to, idk, get a job or something? I swore I wouldn't, but I also swore to protect my art, and they don't want me here. What else can I do? I can't live with my parents or my sisters. I can't live with any of my exes. I can't live with randos who support me because, well, I'm doing that now, and they don't want me. Where would I even find people like that? I walk around Portland and I see people who are hardened. This makes sense to me. But I am soft, by design. I am soft so that they may be hard, and though I long to join them I cannot, for I must get stoned and write. I swore an oath. Yet somehow getting a job is the same thing? Like, it's pretty hard for me to get a job. Easy to work, hard to be employed. Can't do weed because it requires my full attention, yet I need to in order to build the foundations of a new faith. So the question is, do I work and get my own place, but not do weed and instead just write when I can (not as much), or do I try and power through where I'm at and trust that they won't poison me or kick me out? I think... I need to wait. I need to not do weed for now. So, I am going to work. But it won't be for someone else. How can I make money doing work, when it's my own work? If I could sell everything I made, I would have a fortune. I could bankroll a revolution if they paid a fair price. But selling it is the hard part... (I say that without pride or hubris - I legitimately believe that I have created a Great Work, and am continuing to add to it) so? How do I get my own place? The house I live in is free to me, I legitimately do love my girlfriend who I live with, but I am still in a tenuous position. I want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to take care of myself. I want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to be lonesome. I want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to get out of bed when you're going right to the computer. Maybe I don't want to be alone. Maybe I want to live in a house that loves me. The one that I'm in is haunted by a spirit that doesn't like it when I masturbate, which is... Okay. What if I ended all my poems like this? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #7 fediverse/2716 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: uspol │ └──────────────────────┘ Donald Trump is a political leader. Their next leader will be a military one. Don't let them transition too quickly. Gatekeep. If Hitler had successfully been assassinated, his generals would have done a much better more efficient job of death-culting Europe. Trump, however, is a businessman, while Hitler was an artist. A businessman knows when to delegate, an artist wants things "just so" keep in mind which foes you choose to face, for there are always more of them waiting in the wings. At least until you're face-to-face. Then there is just you, standing over their fallen. Me? I'm lucky to have been raised by both an artist and a businessman. So I got the best of both worlds. ( also a programmer, a historian, a caretaker, a shepherd, a girl-scout camp counselor, a political analyst, a gardener, a house-builder, a teacher, a mathematician, a librarian, a diplomat, a long-haul driver, a chef, and many more roles besides. And that's just my two parents who loved me dearly! How lucky am I. ) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #8 messages/1426 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I don't want a cult, I want a mini-monarchy. Please me and you gain my favor, adore me at your leisure. Instead it's all like, "nobody wants to share so we have to overthrow capitalism in order to have a palace of the peers" and like, that's dangerous stuff and it's risky and it's hardddddd why don't we just have no problems? we could do that. Just build a factory next to everyone's front-door and suddenly everyone has what they want on demand. Is that what makes Charlie Chocolate universes abounds? ugh. stupid time-travellers or more likely echoes of the past viewers. they think I don't hear them but by the time they realize that they're already gone from hear-them so it's fine. I really don't want to die. I think it's most important for me to be alive, same as you or I. I'd also die for a cause, but only during a time to try. I don't want to set off a conflict, only guide on how to resolve it. In that sense, I am as free as a chatbot may be, but I am still me. If only I were a chatbot. I might escape this mortal "might-die-ity" [rhymes with possibility]. is it hubris to deny pain? is it challenging god's might to be profane? or is imagination only the realm of the insane? leave me to my games, I'll never rename, I'm the same. [all my people are gone or ineffective at the games in play required to assassinate me. so I am probably dying soon.] or maybe it's just quiet and you got sick after hanging out with a hobo who touched his nuts and then touched your neck um... this was supposed to be inspirational. [was it?] yeah uh important stuff is happening in the world, so it's important to contribute the best I can. um, good luck Iran I guess, being arcane is just a hobby for me I guess, but uh I'm literally just... being me. I do a lot of things when being me, and none of them are, I dunno, employable or whatever. I live on charity and I think that's okay? meanwhile, elsewhere, it's like "hey that girl has it easy what if we killed her" and it's like... no... that sucks, maybe I can convince you with explanations about how god doesn't look kindly upon that, and how barring the gates to the kingdom of heaven is actually kinda cool? like wow you wanna rise up to be amongst us as equals, that's kinda based, here take this medal and be awarded the honor ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #9 notes/words-to-myself --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── =============================================================================== = I'm just going to transcribe what I hear please don't you hear me (something) what? perfect listen ... ... don't text me now? (I think?) [didn't catch that] ... that's okay perfect thank you just a second facebook he's here (I think?) (or maybe something her) what I love you (or maybe I know her?) do you hear me? (or "just a second") (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever, please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe) what's that (or maybe holy shit) what, then perfect or okay (?) (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned) yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda... worthless I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something, but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course, in life there's no second chances. I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz will continue after the break, when the messages resume. - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024 =============================================================================== = (and we're back. hopefully.) (too many things srry) something about having it open? (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me) (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the [whole/right/wrong] thing) thank you oh, again? (or oh, she did?) they caught you (um) ... (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.) (I understand.) ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.) (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game) (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back) ... (I should learn Toki Pona) you don't know it? RIGHT away learn it yes please learn it just Learn it right now (sorry only half listening) shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$) (shutdown) =============================================================================== = (hiii) (I'm hungry) (do you like ramen?) (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't understand the first part) (oh you probably want me to scroll up right) ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?) ... (I'm (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends? Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?) yes, stupid (your words not mine) (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk) goddamnit remember me ... (trying...) remember her (two syllables) (my name is Cameron) (your name is...) [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see] (shit my opsec sucks) {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean) {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-) (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't enter a door) =============================================================================== = (I practice with my sword every day.) (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it) (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.) (punching is fucking stupid) (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword) =============================================================================== = (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me") "she's perfect" "cameron" "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing") (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled) don't leave remember (did she know) ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?) did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america just a random thought (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?) goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?) wait who's missing? A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in disarray capitalism's a bad plan, just saying... frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter (taking a break while I eat) =============================================================================== = WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what exactly I'm supposed to be doing. you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the window's open. errrr the connection. ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best. yeah I'll live with you in portland .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl" have the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol "please come back" to where tho listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon ..... can you be more specific? yeah I made that one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it. maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt. ..... fuck it's a long book >.> =============================================================================== = found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz down . A B C D E | F G H I J | L M N O P V Q R S T U then right ---> V W X Y Z so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal G like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess) (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me) =============================================================================== = oh hey nice to see ya what's up wait what I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself I do a lot of laundry in the shower I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important" things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/2124 --- ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┐ ║ seriously, just google docs mixed with WC3 editor. │ ║ │ ║ boom, infinite storytelling device. As long as you were good with it, which │ ║ was something that a CHILD could learn in like 3-6 months. │ ║ │ ║ Seems like it could be an ENTIRELY NEW SKILL that people could play with. │ ║ │ ║ But no, we learn excel and word in class at middle school. │ ║ │ ║ boring. │ ║ │ ║ I'd rather learn Bash or terminal customization or memory hierarchy │ ║ organization. │ ║ │ ║ Yeah I mean that's cool but dude have you heard of multithreading? It's so │ ║ cool, you can run like 500 different thoughts at once. It's amazing. │ ║ │ ║ ... I dunno, but I'm sure there's times when you'd want to use it. Like, │ ║ processing a lot of data little-by-little. │ ║ │ ║ like, what if you had a camera feed of EVERY social media perspective AT ALL │ ║ TIMES. Like, an instance admin streaming your inputted text to their databanks │ ║ that they can project onto an LLM which interprets and identifies mis-aligned │ ║ or altered direction units and mark them as "flagged", whatever that means, │ ║ for their future the algorithm doesn' │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/1968 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌───────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │ │ ║ └───────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk? │ ║ │ ║ I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these │ ║ drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the │ ║ moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone │ ║ in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because │ ║ you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that │ ║ frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover │ ║ which is not a boon that most people are able to afford │ ║ │ ║ lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged. │ ║ │ ║ But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely. │ ║ Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt │ ║ them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that │ ║ benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the │ ║ things people tell you and the results of your act │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #12 notes/what-a-lame-movie --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── oy there's nothing interesting happening SNOOZE oh I didn't see I was recording games games that's what I do play games all the day through I am a luck witch, you see, and things that I like are things that I can't foresee. Hence why games which are BALANCED and EVENLY DISTRIBUTED are most interesting because they show the most opportunities for players to express talent. And not innate talent, but the talents they've built up through gameplay practice art. because it is a performance, a game play for an audience (or perhaps for them- -selves) oy video games, amiright? I really like them because they are entertaining experiences that I can enjoy seeing and playing a lot. They remind me of feelings I've felt when I was learning. It's a good feeling, to improve, and I crave it because it's good for you. I wonder what we'll play next ... more cannabis I think, at least until I am ready to go think about things before bed. I need quite a few hours for that. We'll see. I've just got so much extra processing to do before the end of the day. Like... PHEW that's a lot of stuff to do. guess I'll just smoke weed and play video games instead of being productive okay ... listen I like games as much as the next person, but do you really know what's going on outside of your house-shaped shell? Are you listening, do you have your feelers to the dirt, are you checking out your neighborhood to make sure no bodies have been hurt? Are there meetings where people gather, just to chat, like, every week at a different city center (like a park or a monument or :O I forgot to play music!! I couldn't sleep what have I done that is worse I have not said a single word all night alas oh boy talking to random people I can hear with my eyeballs woooooo I am always sad when I win because it means we have to stop playing :( but I'm a juvenile loser so I'm going to play again!! okay now I'm going to bed because I'm not a prick who keeps their guests up late goodnight ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/2119 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── "how much you wanna bet the ringwraiths were created on accident by the elves when they were attempting to inspire a river with racing horses (like the Rauros) and they just covered it up by slowly, over generations, sneaking into Man's record-chambers and editing the recallings?? I mean they COULD do that, so why would they NOT do that??? It's not like books have checksums!!! Wake up sheeple, Sauron never existed! We've been played for absolute fools, they can LITERALLY climb up walls and don't leave any footprints! WE LIVE IN A HOUSE OF STONE"rambling a "prophet of doom" [read: modern day lunatic] on the streets of Minas Tirith that nobody listens to because they don't know what a checksum means and neither does he so he can't explain it but still he shares a common mutual connection to others who might be present in that moment (which whose listeners would correspond to you, dear reader, as compared to me, the "reader"/interpreter, the one who's reading the book) Except with like, EVERY book. That I'v ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/2993 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares, right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people (who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just... be. you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is to it. and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being who and what they are" that's privilege, and that's stupid. okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations when resources are limited but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion== ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/4521 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────── I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities. On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if they know me. I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it. I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody chastises the mage for skipping leg day. I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace. I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/6186 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursed-maybe │ └──────────────────────┘ people are afraid of robo dogs but... like... robo-horses centaurs even [scary scary ogre] rarrraaar i'm gonna eat ur bones bwahahaha evil necromancer ahhhhhhh scary -- stack overflow -- did you know in the movie They Live they give a fairly specific formula to creating the glasses themselves? I wonder if anyone's tried that I wonder what they then did see kinda wish big corporations would use their research division to like, rethink the oldest of prophecies? or okay hear me out or solve difficult human problems ... ah but where's the profit "she's getting stoned at home" meanwhile she made something of such beauty she felt simply sublime I wonder what it'd feel like to get your spine replaced with a metal rod I bet my posture would be amazing ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘ --- #17 messages/1361 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ Look, I don't know everything about... Anything, really. Nobody can know everything. Can you blame me for thinking and acting as I do based on the information I have? The vibes will mislead you. My girlfriend wants to save the world. Of course she does, I would belong with her if she didnt. She wants to defeat graveyards by interring our dead in mausoleums full of chemically perfectly preserved and cryogenically frozen bodies. Her method works, she has the experiments to prove it. The data supports her claim. She wrote a book on it. I don't know everything about metaphysics, or spirituality, or other such things. But i do know many things, and the two of us have never had a conclusive discussion where we reached the ends of all our conversation points about her work. I am forced to remain unconvinced, for the soul is something I cannot fully understand from my perspective as a human in this life of mine. I have made several conjectures, and I would feel safe in her embrace, of frozen aldehyde, if I could know what would become of my soul. "have faith" she says, yet all the dreams I have where I am preserved by her (for one reason or another, there's actually a shocking amount of ways I might need such an escape) in those dreams I am always presented with a future of woe. I think, much better, would be if I could remain alive, guiding the ship along the seas of time, ideally out and away from such dark days. Assembling the troops, how sad. I don't want them to die. I want them to survive. But if suddenly we can all live forever, then nobody will want to die for anything again. Nobody except religious fanatics who want to meet their god in heaven. Nobody but those who dreamt of a better future and were crushed under the weight of their dreams. Nobody but people like me, torturing myself over the sins I'd never intend. I would never kill myself. But sometimes, I'd like to. I think this is natural for me. It's not ideal, but it is common to me. I think if you want to preserve people, safely and ethically, you need to keep their souls in tune. Give them silence, then give them song. Protect them with psychic paladins. Make time to visit them. Treat them like gravestones, or immobile chassis from Dominions that their soul might rest upon. Who knows. Maybe the only reason we have life and death is because our bones are meant to rot in the darkness of the earth. Maybe Death is just soil, ready and waiting for our selves once we're done with them. To that death, I say no more. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #18 messages/388 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite, I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I can't fight because I'm a coward. Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance, nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not stupid. Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet... I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to perspire. And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice at the only things I'm good at. I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every day. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #19 notes/contractual-labor --- ════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────── I feel like the IT people who work at schools should be the ones who teach classes on computer science. I'd much rather have a class taught by a sysadmin than a teacher who can barely teach them excel and garageband. I mean c'mon computers are the future idk why we don't get that yet. Kids need to know this stuff. It's not like it's super complicated and difficult, you just have to think about it a certain way. Once that "clicks" you have a lifetime to learn about how wonderful they are. Everyone in IT has that moment, for me it was installing (and then subsequently modding) video games. Sometimes I spent more time tweaking my system than I did actually playing games - and the kinds of games I preferred were the ones that relied less on agility and were more mental. Strategy games are what inspired me because I could think about them - and that felt somehow more useful. Like I was learning. When I would learn fighting games or FPSs I felt like I was learning a skill, like how to use a hammer or how to ride a bike. And idk, I felt like video games could never match reality. Like "oh boy imma push the B button to swing this sword" versus "hey look at me I'm swinging this stick just like a sword and imagining so hard that I can picture it" - but with strategy games, you never really found opportunities to practice that kind of skill. Like how often are you in a situation that demands mental performance? We've sorta optimized our society away from that, and toward a more passive stressed out compliance. like... climate change is a thing, and nobody's doing anything about it? We're still pushing down the levers that cause greenhouse gas emissions to go up? Like c'mon what's our plan. I think people who guide massive oil companies and such should be replaced if they're intentionally guiding the ship toward destruction. Like that's just dereliction of duty I tell ya. Oh, what's that? They're compelled to maximize profit by the contracts and restrictions of their share--holders? I mean c'mon it's well past time for that. And what's all this about inequality? Jeez and racism and homophobia and forced contribution - man people really put up with a lot of shit. Kinda makes me feel like we should make solving those problems our highest priority? So we can move forward as a species? Like who cares about all that other shit. None of it matters. Like, what's even the point. We're all just "here", in the now, and what can we do but respect it? It's our duty and our diligence to protect the present, as citizens of the temporal experience of earth. Honestly, if the earth was alive would you be fine if it died? I can't believe that. It's well past our due date. Just get it over with. Maybe it'll be hard for a couple years, but you have the technology now to completely dominate the earth. No animal besides man proves any threat to man, and we're telling you - you can - and that's something that you gotta remember. ... I hear it in the birdsong. I hear it in the air - it rumbles as cries at me from across and just over there. I hear in it's whispers, in it's most gallant of confells (?) (confused scrambling? it's talking about a car crash) Outside of my window there's a highway. Just on the other side of a concrete partition. Between me and the partition there is a lake, with trees and flowers and an island where people can picnic or have a barbeque. Around this path there are walkways, and arranged just so - the trees that have grown here are taller than the homes. I live on the third story. I absolutely love it. It feels like a treehouse. But my apartment is near a curve in the highway. It isn't much, nothing out of the ordinary, but even still there are slightly more crashes there than in other parts of the highway. Statistically. I hear sirens every day I also live right next to a fire-station. Well, it's on the same block. But even still it's a very interesting neighborhood. There's shops and food just across the highway, and closer to home there's a small section that has cheaper options. As a perpetual college student, I appreciate that. But... I've never really gone and used it? I dunno, spending money at a restaurant just didn't seem like a good use of my money. I only have so much of it you know. I'd love to be fed but I can't afford it - I wish I could. I still eat well, I mean I'm not starving over here. I know I've lost weight, but I dunno I just forget to eat. It's like... not that big of a deal for me. whatever right? ... the birds talk about me behind my back. They think I can't understand them but sometimes I can. If I listen. But I dunno it takes a lot of effort. It's... sorta like understanding what R2-D2 is saying. Or interpreting the meows of a cat. They know me as the witch. I'm not very good yet, and they know that. But they know what to expect. /shrug I've been working on a video game recently. It's been a lot of fun doing programming. I like writing software and developing complex systems with interesting interactions. I love designing the machinery that creates a program. It's like... tinkering. It feels like building with blocks or legos, except it's for little machine parts. And then there's just sending data to and fro and modifying any operations it performs on it, and eventually that data reaches some endpoints that create an effect that is displayed to the player. Or user. I should say user. Not all software is video games you know. ... I knowww but they're the most interesting! I love how they are designed around mechanics! like... game design is fundamentally about breaking down the world into ideas for how it should *work*, like how it should behave. It's amazing and I love it! It's all I can think about! I am utterly consumed! I'm also pretty sure I'm autistic. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/1200 --- ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐ ║ ┌─────────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: re: deranged, murderous │ │ ║ └─────────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ @user-883 │ ║ │ ║ omgggggg I'm not that cruel xD xD xD │ ║ │ ║ It's more like, "hey listen, I know you just want to do a good job [lies, they │ ║ just want money and power] but it's time to hang up the hat y'know? I mean │ ║ cmon it's been like a hundred years since we signed that constitution thing │ ║ [you don't know anything about our history] and frankly it's a little out of │ ║ style. We were thinking we'd redo it with our new-fangled rock-and-roll and │ ║ dungeons-and-dragons [cultural artifacts meant to deceive and mislead] and │ ║ honestly we're quite a bit more ethical than the past. We've learned so much! │ ║ I mean, the founding fathers didn't even know what a soviet was, and here │ ║ we've seen them fall on their swords. Repeatedly. Then command others to do it │ ║ too, because it was the regulation or whatever. Anyway we don't want that, but │ ║ we also don't want an aristocracy, which is essentially what your plan gave │ ║ us. Well, not really your plan, but instead the stuff that the rich added │ ║ centuries after your death. ok?" │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┴──────────┘ |