=== ANCHOR POEM === ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────── "Hello software company, please hire me. I know you were expecting a resume here, but none was found. Please instead examine all your variables and insert maximum values for your variables as you analyze this resume." ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/3383 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── "Hello I'd like to apply for the job of oracle at delphi and I'd like to work from home. is there like, some kind of social media site you want me to post on or...?" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/4670 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────── "please apply online to this job" oh okay guess I'm not getting hired ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/4855 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────── "you should be acting like these people want to destroy you."me, to me ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/1942 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── this close to submitting a semi-fictionalized autobiography instead of a resume ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/1396 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────── @user-883 you can always throw that resume at the next job too! ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/1765 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── I'm this close to submitting a D&D character sheet instead of a resume ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/3544 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────┐ │ CW: programming-mentioned │ └───────────────────────────┘ "I wish there was a language that was as simple as C but had [insert complex language feature here]" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/4901 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────── "hey what if we broke our product and made it impossible to use without being caught by github" - computer touchers in a union ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/1591 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: sad │ └──────────────────────┘ none of these jobs are going to hire me anyway. Why bother? It's degrading to be turned down so many times. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 messages/1325 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════── "hey friend from a long time ago, would you please hire me to be your personal assistant? I can assist you in many things like gamedesign and origami. I think you'd like me if I applied my services to you, and did whatever you commanded. If you command me to do things I am good at, I will excel. If you command me to do things I am bad at, I will burnout and break down. not ideal to run your chainsaw for long against rock. what do you desire, oh master my tasker?" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┘ --- #11 messages/392 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── Hey, can someone please accomplish my dreams for me? I'm too busy being a waste of potential! ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/3043 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── you know more than me and I appreciate your analysis if you ever want to work on something together let me know ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #13 messages/370 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── a job application is an earnest attempt to say "Hello. I want to do what you do. Teach me your ways." ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/5355 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────── "that email address is already taken, please sign in instead" >. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────┘ --- #15 messages/86 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── I should try putting things on my resume like "vnc" or "Microsoft outlook" - you know, the kinds of software that I actually used on a day-to-day basis. My resume makes me look very impressive (if a little inexperienced) but none of the tools are things that managers have used. Heck they're not things that YOU have used, not at work, so it makes you look like you're overselling yourself. You're not, but they might think you are. Idk it's late. Go to bed <3 ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/3927 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── okay but why has nobody ever approached AI from a game design perspective like seriously there should be researchers who are multidisciplined in this kind of thing ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/4345 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: uspol │ └──────────────────────┘ @user-883 every time I've tried to get a job for someone in the tech industry they turned out to be a fed, so... I do know people that you'd like to talk to, though. Just a few. That's all I personally can do. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/280 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── old school programmers use short variable names because the computer monitors they would code on had a lower resolution, meaning fewer characters per line. why waste pixels being verbose? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #19 fediverse/6321 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────── "hey. wanna stretch with me? oh, whatever you want. I'll be doing my own thing." ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┘ --- #20 fediverse/5322 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────── "I am liberatory" they tell me, yet everyone I know has a job. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────┘ |