=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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instead of reading the room, I try to be the room. I think that's part of
being autistic.
But it also helps things get going.
Whenever I see a subpost that might relate to me, I take it seriously, so feel
free to boost things that you know I'll read if you'd like to speak to me.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/2975 ---
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@user-1411
doctors (the ones who are diagnosing autism) don't care about classifying
people. I personally don't believe they should.
Instead they try and classify symptoms, and if you don't present any negative
symptoms then there's little reason to talk to a doctor. Meaning little reason
to seek out an autism diagnosis except for curiosity.
I was the kid you were describing btw, except maybe with a bit of neglect
thrown in around ages 4+
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--- #2 messages/485 ---
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Neurotyping is like astrology for autistic people who are interested in the
humanities courses at college
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--- #3 fediverse/1401 ---
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║ some people are the memory kind of autistic, where they know everything about │
║ a thing and it's the coolest thing │
║ │
║ I'm more like... the optimizing autistic, where everything has to be perfect. │
║ and if it's not perfect, then you should change it. and if you can't change │
║ it, then you should tell someone else to change it. and if nobody can change │
║ it, then you should consider it part of the context / starting variable and │
║ then just say "okay" and treat it like it's normal and something you should │
║ use to inform the rest of your optimization actions / decisions. │
║ │
║ other people are other kinds of autistic that's not a comprehensive │
║ classification system. But I mention the first kind explicitly so I can │
║ contrast it with my experience, which is implied to be [impulsively?] │
║ different in the kind portrayed in the following contrastion, where I mention │
║ how I'm autistic and don't get "irony" or "sarcasm" that people on the │
║ internet seem to revel in in a way that makes me feel isolated and anyway │
║ optimization is great becaus │
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--- #4 fediverse/3061 ---
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every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
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--- #5 messages/299 ---
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That feeling when you tell someone you're
[trans/autistic/schizophrenic/whatever] and you see the respect draining from
their eyes
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--- #6 fediverse/164 ---
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│ CW: re: recreational slash medicinal drugs and neurodiversity musing │
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@user-141 when I smoke cannabis it's like my ADHD symptoms drop to zero and my
autism symptoms go from 50% to 100%
I can't understand what other people are saying unless I ask for
clarification, but I sure as shit know the shape of the universe and can
fathom the chaotic ripples of causality and eternity. Too bad when I try and
talk about it all that comes out is "desu desu"
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--- #7 fediverse/253 ---
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@user-201 this post hurts my autism T.T
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--- #8 fediverse/2120 ---
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sometimes I think performing my art was just an excuse to use Linux. At least,
some of my art.
But hey, I'm not complaining, it's awesome.
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--- #9 fediverse_boost/6162 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════──────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ i always somehow manage to succeed at things because i'm too silly to realize i was supposed to fail lmao │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═──────╝─▶
--- #10 fediverse/1916 ---
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"you don't seem autistic"
wow no shit almost as if I had acting classes as a child
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--- #11 messages/169 ---
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Sorry for my behavior. I am an undiagnosed scizophrenic, so I'm wrestling with
metaphorical demons. Sorry for attempting to interact with society, I get a
little lonely sometimes.
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--- #12 fediverse/4942 ---
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@user-1755
... I do that, but I do it because I want to find common subjects to talk
about. Or I think "if I was working on a project, who can I ask if I need
help?"
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--- #13 fediverse/4345 ---
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│ CW: re: uspol │
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@user-883
every time I've tried to get a job for someone in the tech industry they
turned out to be a fed, so...
I do know people that you'd like to talk to, though. Just a few. That's all I
personally can do.
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--- #14 fediverse/1575 ---
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"I see your value now."
-> the best thing you can believe about a~~n autistic~~ person
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--- #15 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #16 messages/108 ---
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I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
(because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #17 fediverse/4684 ---
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you know what they say, an autistic in motion stays in motion, an autistic at
rest...
now I gotta rest on the bus for an hour or two. wish me luck.
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--- #18 fediverse/5782 ---
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sometimes I post random silly [scary] things to pad out the serious things and
I hope that's okay
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--- #19 fediverse/3768 ---
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│ CW: implied-yelling-about-autism │
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you know something that would ACTUALLY help autistic people?
if we gave shopping carts actual tires instead of the hard plastic wheels they
have. The NOISE is DEAFENING and CACOPHANOUS
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--- #20 fediverse/2488 ---
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I know how you might be feeling. If you haven't hear from someone you care
about and it's eating you up inside, imagine them succeeding. helps me feel
better.
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--- #21 fediverse/151 ---
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@user-95 thank you for inviting me, it was fun : ) I'm not usually that quiet
- weed works a little different on me than it does on humans, and one of the
side effects is auditory processing disorder. I couldn't really understand
what most people were saying...
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--- #22 fediverse/4543 ---
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@user-1698
Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
there terrifies me.
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--- #23 fediverse/5460 ---
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if you sit down to write and nothing comes to mind, then either nothing needs
to be said or maybe you should spend time reading instead.
... okey dokey, time to read I guess.
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--- #24 fediverse/3865 ---
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@user-1218
oh, also, because I started taking some psychiatric medication to help with
the aforementioned delusional thinking or whatever. Honestly I think I just
believe in spiritual things like witchcraft and the human spirit or whatever,
but since I'm having difficulties doing basic things my doctors decided to
medicate me.
... but then I stopped taking those psychiatric drugs because they made me
feel numb and dense. It was hard to think. Thinking's all I do!!
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--- #25 messages/1068 ---
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why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
my own or external.
these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
for collaboration opportunities.
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--- #26 messages/103 ---
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*which is why I try to be as unique as I can.
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--- #27 fediverse/618 ---
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Can't stop thinking
[the rest is left blank, as a testament to the inability of the author to
express their thoughts in a temporally contextual way. Presumably the previous
text would be followed by an "about..." with the rest dedicated to a
particular thought that felt important enough to share with the internet.]
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--- #28 fediverse/1381 ---
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│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
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I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #29 fediverse/5636 ---
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I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
and all they saw were the outtakes.
I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
but they never talk to me
so they don't know me.
oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
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--- #30 fediverse/3640 ---
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eye tracked kindle that reads aloud the words you're looking at so you get
visual and audio books at the same time
bonus points if it does so in your own voice (give it a few years)
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--- #31 fediverse/3641 ---
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@user-619
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--- #32 messages/997 ---
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I want a revolution because i want to be at home in my homeland.
Look at me! Be as me! I yearn to tell my friends. But they're too busy being
like themselves.
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--- #33 fediverse/1246 ---
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@user-883
hehe if I don't understand how it works it's difficult for me to use things.
My Linux friends get so exasperated with me because I'm like "cool script
gimme like 2 days to figure it out" and they're like "bro just use these
flags" and I'm like "no"
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--- #34 fediverse/581 ---
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@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
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--- #35 fediverse/2052 ---
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@user-1074
me too 🥰 I'm saying they should be the other end of the spectrum, rather
than the middle of the graph
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--- #36 fediverse/2774 ---
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I want to emphasize that my mask is just as much a part of me as the other
part.
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--- #37 fediverse/5208 ---
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│ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
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Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
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--- #38 fediverse/5698 ---
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you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
particular moment-event-message.
besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
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--- #39 fediverse/3763 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-mental-health-mentioned │
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I think I'm a better writer when I'm sorta consistently taking the meds I was
using to self-medicate...
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--- #40 fediverse/2848 ---
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oh btw to the people trying to doxx me there's a picture of me in this
profile, but you'll have to read a LOT to find it. On the way, see if you pick
up anything interesting that you agree with. maybe you'll realize that we're
on the same team, and should be working together.
that's the dream, at least.
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--- #41 fediverse/4075 ---
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maybe if I "be myself" so hard that there's nothing left to keep secret,
they'll like me??
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--- #42 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #43 fediverse/477 ---
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sometimes I like watching videos without subtitles because it allows me to
more adequately understand the feelings being expressed rather than focusing
on the dictionary definitions of the words being spoken.
Maybe I'm just a weird human though. Am I an alien? Or a robot? Or something
else? Tune in next week to find out...
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--- #44 fediverse/1040 ---
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│ CW: food-mentioned │
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so it shall seem that sticks and mud are for me
I say as I sit in my apartment eating rice and beans
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--- #45 fediverse/1280 ---
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║ I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely │
║ reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird │
║ person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and │
║ rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic) │
║ │
║ but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I │
║ think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and │
║ dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we │
║ share. │
║ │
║ People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't │
║ really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it │
║ good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused? │
║ │
║ I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional │
║ arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in │
║ Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us. │
║ │
║ ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th │
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--- #46 bluesky#15 ---
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I honor my country the same way I honor my mother.
By being the best me that I can be.
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--- #47 messages/109 ---
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That's why I like talking about things I'm interested in. It makes me more
likely to be able to bring up something I've been thinking about.
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--- #48 fediverse/3487 ---
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@user-1218
I like to have notes for things I found that will be useful someday, but not
today. I also throw in poetry that I write while I'm waiting for something to
happen (or if I have an idea that I know I'll forget)
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--- #49 fediverse/5329 ---
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│ CW: the-world-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
trying my best not to think about communism too much right now. Mostly because
I'm waiting for everyone to catch up... when the day comes when people stop
saying "based" and leaving it at that, then I'll make more theory. But as a
consequence of my queer nature I shall deliver such things in the form of an
insane twitter post on the fetlifeverse.
the world waits with bated breath in the eye of the storm. Nobody knows whats
coming, and everyone prays that it's nothing [short of revolution]
... I should probably go back to sleep, I just had to wake up and write about
linux or whatever...
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--- #50 fediverse/4085 ---
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I can always tell when people who believe in me start thinking of me because I
start feeling the urge to do pushups
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--- #51 fediverse/5837 ---
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│ CW: r-word-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
help I'm too special someone come be retarded with me
[-2 followers]
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--- #52 fediverse/466 ---
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I love Linux. All I have to do is type "authserver" and "worldserver" and
wouldn't you know it suddenly a universe is created (with very constrained
rules) that anyone might inhabit should they desire to. It's not like I'm
perfect - oh wait I have a toot about that, gimme a sec
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--- #53 fediverse/3756 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: LLM-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1071
I have plenty of things made, but none of it organized : (
Kinda makes me wish I could like... train an LLM on my social media posts and
use it programmatically somehow to help me organize my stuff into different
categories according to what kind of topic or style they were written in.
Hmmm......... There's no way I could do it, I mean, there's no way I could
organize and edit my stuff, but with the help of a computer I might.
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--- #54 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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--- #55 fediverse/166 ---
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@user-147 years of practice. every time you delete what you said is another
chance to practice that slips away. writing is the easy part, you got that
down because you need something to delete, right? the hard part is being
received by others, and continuing the conversation as you direct it.
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--- #56 fediverse/1627 ---
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it's easy to mistakenly mis-hear things that sound similar in their contrasted
grammar context.
I like to say "understood." when I understand something that someone's telling
me, because all of the contrasts to that statement (like "I don't understand"
or "can you explain more about X as it relates to Y? etc) are different in
pronunciation and structure. Meaning it's much easier to "get" the intended
message just based through sound-patterns. Great for people who are only
half-listening because they're thinking about something really hard and aren't
thinking about what you're saying as much. Great for describing problems and
getting assistance as you both sorta mentally-puzzle through it to a solution.
... and they say debug isn't solved HA
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--- #57 fediverse/1362 ---
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@user-192
it suddenly became relevant in your life for a different reason and you wanted
to share it again to see if anyone wanted to talk about it so you could
explain your feelings and see perspective from someone who's maybe approaching
the same or similar thing from a slightly different angle?
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--- #58 fediverse/1880 ---
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sometimes I decide against playing a Steam game because I don't want it to
jump to the top of my "recently played" list
Wish I could have like, a heatmap of when I played which game. I think that'd
be useful for the archival process of my life.
... how pathetic, she measures her life in gameplay.
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--- #59 fediverse/753 ---
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@user-562
I have that book on my bookshelf, haven't read it since high school.
Maybe I should again.
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--- #60 fediverse/3610 ---
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I must be the only autistic person in the world who can't stand parallel
play...
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--- #61 messages/1102 ---
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I want everyone to be able to do what they want. With oversight, sometimes,
because we all share things and we can't agree if we don't share. and I agree
to share, I think it's only fair.
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--- #62 fediverse/537 ---
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@user-366 @user-367 @user-246 @user-353
Ah yes, wouldn't it be nice if everyone spoke their mind? I'm doing my part
d=(^_^)z
Thank you for adding context to what I posted. I now know better how and where
to use it, if I ever do again. We shall see, I haven't yet read the
examinations of the author you sent me. I'll do that before I think about the
post again.
Those 6 tabs I mentioned last night have now become 4, and soon I'll get
through all of them - reading is a joy to me ^_^
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--- #63 fediverse/1518 ---
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│ CW: strange-politics-scary │
└────────────────────────────┘
acceleration-ism is just "learning the truth faster than they do"
tbh should be more like "learning things to show them" but eh whatever gets
the job done
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--- #64 fediverse/1841 ---
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curling up in a ball and thinking about crying for hours is the same as
crying. If a little bit less of a release.
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--- #65 fediverse/3058 ---
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@user-1441 @user-670 @user-113
currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
"can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
no thanks, guess I'll die
(in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
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--- #66 fediverse/4540 ---
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most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
some people don't feel emotions
I think they're just depressed
some people can't stop
won't stop, I say.
really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
I think they're alright.
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--- #67 messages/572 ---
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I am not a worker
Though I try and try, I burn right out and through
I wish I was a worker, able to apply my trade or skill
But I'm not
I do hope we can be allies, still
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--- #68 fediverse/1596 ---
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I like locally hosted LLMs because I can use them to summarize my own writing
enough to put them in a post, or an alt-text box.
I like them for other reasons too and it's hard to find people to geek out
about them with.
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--- #69 messages/630 ---
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Pay attention to me, for I am convinced that "me" is what we need.
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--- #70 fediverse/5525 ---
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I have this unreasonable compulsion that I somehow internalized at a very
young age.
I am always seeking to understand and defend the weak, the despised, the
forsaken
so if you ever hear me say things like "yes but what about the non-bastard
cops" just shake your head and go "oh Ritz, always trying to be the protector
of the weak"
I wish I could be the protector of the innocent or something like that.
Protecting the weak means you never really do a good job of executing final
decisive blows.
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--- #71 fediverse/1001 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cursed-curséd-scary-not-real-u-dont-have-to-read │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-246 @user-473
perhaps that "light touch on reality" is what makes these pieces of art
resonate with me. I think you're beautiful and have a good heart.
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--- #72 messages/765 ---
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you don't have to write poetry to write notes. The poetics are just practice
for when secrecy is intended.
OR IS IT THE REAL THING? who can say.
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--- #73 messages/915 ---
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uh, anyway, I realized that because of Words I can type into any of my places
(wherever I felt it best suited) and it would still record as a chronological
story. must feel sooooooo schizophrenic, but it's just because I'm viewing
muse as I please.
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--- #74 messages/978 ---
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who needs to teach animals to speak if you can read their minds? with their
consent of course, just as they can read yours if you consent.
[earlier: "hey relles can you build me a device which sits in the brain or
retina (I think that's the word) and projects an image of another person's
imagination stage-mindscape-place onto the brain of the other conversation
partner?"]
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--- #75 fediverse/5686 ---
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my friends tell me stories and I build my ideas for relationships based on
their pain.
I am always haunted by questions they don't want to answer.
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--- #76 fediverse/4098 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned-ableism │
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ngl I kinda hate it when people meme about donald trump being incontinent
like, yeah, he pees his pants, so what? I DO TOO. Fucking sucks. Every time I
read people saying nasty things about it I can't help but read them in my own
voice, and that gives me plenty of ammunition to use against myself when I'm
feeling down.
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--- #77 fediverse/3722 ---
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@user-1218
playing one of my 4 gameboys, reading some of my books or journals, using
their own brought devices, playing with my cat (she's not sociable but if you
don't mind her claws she can fight and that's kinda fun) watching something on
the TV, talking with other people, making / eating food, um... sleeping... and
"sleeping"... idk what else tho. Drawing? Getting stoned? I have lots of bad
edibles.
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--- #78 fediverse/4252 ---
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sometimes I think I'd be better without social media.
And then I remember that it's the only way I know to talk.
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--- #79 fediverse/5650 ---
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I exist now at the height of my gluttony.
I need more to be demanded of me.
I am not afraid to ask for help.
I solve other people's problems before my own.
I have very little insight into my habits and patterns.
My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter.
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--- #80 fediverse/4043 ---
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│ CW: re: not about anyone here │
└───────────────────────────────┘
@user-1259
yes
it makes it difficult to connect with them.
I find that people like that need a different context, if you want to connect,
so that you can see them in a new light.
if they're still ":(" then you can't waste your energy on them - they are
working on themselves. At least, they should be.
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--- #81 messages/312 ---
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Okay. Consider: if I'm good, and hearing what I say makes you feel bad, then
what does that tell you about you?
Why else would you hear what I say if not to reflect upon yourself? And why
would the good reflect away from the types of things that make you a suitable
fit for capitalism?
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--- #82 fediverse/572 ---
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Hi, I'm learning about semaphores right now and trying to explain them to a
friend. But I only sorta understand how they work - can anyone look at this
pseudocode and tell me if I'm on the right track?
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--- #83 fediverse/3833 ---
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there's no such thing as me
all I am is where the wind takes me
I am just a person, and I do all that I can
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--- #84 fediverse/2 ---
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hey I'm Ritz I'm a perpetual student studying computer programming and I like
play Supreme Commander (Forged Alliance Forever!!) and Star Realms. I write
"poetry" and make art and stuff about computers. Looking for people to follow
I guess so hit me up if I sound cool.
#Introduction
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--- #85 fediverse/508 ---
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@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Sorry. I'm (probably) schizophrenic so I say weird things sometimes.
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--- #86 fediverse/1333 ---
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@user-944 @user-803
I'm sorry that what I said resonated with you : (
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--- #87 fediverse/353 ---
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│ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
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@user-255
sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #88 fediverse/2618 ---
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to improve your "cat-petting" abilities, try to imagine that the wall in front
of you is the most interesting thing in the world - stare at anything else
besides the cat, and look at them in your periphary. Occasionally you can look
back, but the idea is that this way they will be able to look at your face
without painful eye contact.
cats are autistic - they don't look at you unless you're looking somewhere
else.
most people stare at cats when they are engaging with them, and totally ignore
them otherwise.
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--- #89 fediverse/4428 ---
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@user-1669
sorry, I'm on a roll. Gotta speak my mind, even if it has other stuff bouncing
around in it. I hope you understand : )
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--- #90 fediverse/3027 ---
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@user-570
that sounds really interesting and I'd love to read anything you write about
it ^_^
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--- #91 fediverse/3043 ---
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you know more than me and I appreciate your analysis
if you ever want to work on something together let me know
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--- #92 fediverse/2157 ---
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@user-1180
the reason I say this is sometimes it's necessary to boost a post that doesn't
have a CW and like, I can't add one of my own, so...
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--- #93 fediverse/4014 ---
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I don't know about you, but "trying my hardest" involves giving up sometimes.
How else are you to know your limits if you don't test your boundaries? And,
after finding that there's nowhere else for you to go, you turn around and
"give up", until you're ready for your next expedition.
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--- #94 messages/489 ---
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Many autistic people will identify one particular way to do things and then be
only capable of doing it that way. Like, falling asleep on the left side with
their legs just so, and never learning any other ways to sleep on. But what
happens if for example they are wounded in the arm they rest upon? They would
have impaired sleeping capabilities! Not ideal.
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--- #95 fediverse/5374 ---
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@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
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--- #96 fediverse/3776 ---
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whenever repeating letters like thiiiiiiis or thisssss make sure if you're
doing K's that you have at least four
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--- #97 fediverse/1801 ---
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people call me "hypervigilant" as if being constantly aware is not a normal
state for them.
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--- #98 fediverse/1259 ---
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@user-895
hi! I'm Ritz Menardi, I'm a little strange. I sometimes post scary things on
here. I try to put content warnings on everything intense, but sometimes it
gets a little out of hand and I forget... I'm also a poet. Spiritual at best,
a little schizophrenic at worse, but at all times I try to be true to myself.
If you don't like the vibes I 100% won't be upset if you unfollow / block me
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--- #99 fediverse/3372 ---
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I don't really need to know if people like me. It's nice, but it doesn't help
me.
I do, however, desperately want to know if I'm helping. Knowing this would
help me.
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--- #100 fediverse/1551 ---
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@user-883
me too! "citizen of the earth", and guess where I was born.
But I also am attached to the localized region of my life, hence the favor
shown to the country.
gee these lines we draw in the sand are kind arbitrary, I mean I could
literally just reach an arm over them and shake the hand of my mirror self.
Kinda makes me think they're more useful as cultural demarcators instead of
indicators of subjugative ownership.
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--- #101 fediverse/3238 ---
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│ CW: personal-health │
└──────────────────────┘
I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
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--- #102 fediverse/2381 ---
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I smile at each and every person I pass on the street. Unless it looks like
they're having a bad day, and then I try to switch to neutral as fast as I can
so they can feel their feelings without me interjecting and making it about me.
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--- #103 notes/cohost-introduction ---
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Hi,
I'm Ritz Menardi.
I'm a witch, so I'm strange and wear a funny hat.
I like colors in the dark, poetry from the heart, and scary songs about
society.
I think of myself as a synecdoche for humanity, and though I'm not always right
I try to be aligned when possible. Most people I've found aren't really like
me.
I am as I am, and
I promise,
I won't hurt you.
content warnings: autistic, scary, existential, abstract, polite, perspectives,
cannabis, color, paranoia, cringe, spirituality,
hypnosis, trans, sardonic, honest, schizo-posts,
futurist, deity, left-ism, cursed, shadowdancer,
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--- #104 fediverse/3975 ---
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@user-1631
for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
ideal.
... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
you toward people who "get" you.
like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #105 fediverse/5626 ---
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nobody around me does what I tell them to.
I am surrounded by plausible deniabilities.
yet sometimes things get done as I thought them to.
something something hei wu hei or wei hu wei or whatever. I am not a scholar.
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--- #106 fediverse/4171 ---
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me, waking up in the morning and reading my own posts
alright what's the damage this time
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--- #107 fediverse/4754 ---
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@user-1201
once my country elected a fascist I started thinking. I realized "oh, it's
always been that way, this one just doesn't hide it" and so I started thinking
about the bread and circuses they so generously provided me.
I miss video games. Sometimes I play for an hour or two but only when I am
feeling burnt out.
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--- #108 fediverse/710 ---
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@user-532
autistic people when nobody told them to shut up about things they thought
people should be talking about but aren't which is weird right like why
wouldn't people be talking about [thing] because frankly it seems like a big
deal but really it's that everyone knows more than the autistic person who
doesn't have any friends who have friends and is insular and isolated and also
very smart in fact smart enough to think up ideas for things to talk about
that people aren't talking about which is weird because they're not THAT smart
but also a lifetime of isolation has made them a little schizophrenic so they
sometimes feel like their actions are not their own like they're being
hypnotized or perhaps possessed by the spirit of mankind or some other such
entity which would like to express ideas that they think people should talk
about but they aren't talking about which is weird because why else would a
porous person have ideas such as [thing] if not for the path that they're
telepathically suffused with the
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--- #109 fediverse/1195 ---
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@user-883
alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
picture, I'm kinda crazy:
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--- #110 fediverse/2911 ---
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and now for my unrepentant littlespace arc! Look at me I'm SoOoOoOo silLY 🤪
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--- #111 fediverse/4237 ---
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I can count all of the people in this room who are too neurospicy to be filled
with political rage and given a public platform on one hand, and frankly I
could probably do it on a single finger because I am alone at the moment.
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--- #112 fediverse/4562 ---
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I like being alone. But if I'm alone for too long, I suffocate. I start acting
like a weird nerd who doesn't know what to do with their hands.
If I spend too much time with people, I get exhausted and I can't think
straight. I start using other people's mannerisms instead of my own.
I'm not an introvert, or an extrovert, I think the dichotomy is stupid and
people have completely separate needs that deplete and recharge at their own
rates.
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--- #113 fediverse/1603 ---
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@user-1037
I made a picture, hope it helps! I swear I didn't hallucinate this thing but
it might be less cool than I thought and I might have misremembered and made
up parts of it, I can't tell because it was such a short memory : (
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--- #114 messages/177 ---
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There's no potential left of me. I am a husk, a shadow of my former
possibilities. None left to manifest, and so I huddle in the shade of what
once was ambition as I wait for the silence to take hold.
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--- #115 fediverse/522 ---
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@user-353 @user-370 @user-366 @user-246 @user-367
Some things I lived through, some things I lived through a retelling of, and
some things I sought out recollections of and incorporated into my knowledge
banks such that I might more adequately and efficiently approach future
situations.
... am I a computer or just autistic? /shrug
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--- #116 fediverse/4706 ---
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│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned-nazis-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
"oh also I should mention that if you think about her too hard or too often
there's a chance she'll overhear what you're talking about anyway so try not
to think about her too much."
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--- #117 fediverse/3444 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │
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I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with
cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the
characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days.
side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes
police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay
minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of
sore losers storming the capital with guns.
it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything.
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--- #118 fediverse/2815 ---
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I am NOT larping. I am expressing how I feel imaginatively.
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--- #119 messages/45 ---
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Description of me:
I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
in the dark - it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
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--- #120 fediverse/3770 ---
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for every "I was there. I helped make it happen" we need at least a couple "I
was there. I saw the whole thing go down"s because like, nobody's gonna
believe a belligerent, even if they're on the defensive.
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--- #121 fediverse/498 ---
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Wikipedia would make a lot more sense to me if they included pictures next to
the names of every proper noun so that my pictorally oriented primate brain
might pattern match meaning onto the visual understandings gleaned from the
perceptual conceiving which were arrayed within and alongside the textual
information presented to me.
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--- #122 fediverse/5662 ---
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don't work with me.
work around me.
don't talk to me.
talk about me.
don't share with me.
I deserve nothing.
don't take from me.
I have nothing.
-radio-radio-remedy-
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--- #123 messages/78 ---
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My biggest fear as an autistic transgender incontinent schizophrenic person is
that one day I'll become a game of hot potato for my relatives to pass around
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--- #124 fediverse_boost/2965 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════════──────────────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ i will use CW for #USpol if computer people start using CW for tech computer boring linux software posting. i said what i said │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #125 messages/296 ---
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The trick is, if you *think* you're schizophrenic, then you will be. If you
*think* you're telepathic, then you will be.
There are no grand narratives. Just live your life as you will and be content
with what you build for yourself.
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--- #126 fediverse/2597 ---
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│ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
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oh, also, he definitely knew me. He's probably reading this.
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--- #127 fediverse/1010 ---
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I'm done trying to be neurotypical. So what if I starve.
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--- #128 fediverse/1477 ---
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@user-883
hmmmm I'm running mediamtx on the same computer that I'm running the streaming
script on. I'll try with 127.0.0.1
I don't think I updated my system since it was working last time. I'll scroll
through our chat and see if I can find any hints.
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--- #129 fediverse/2281 ---
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I'd be a terrible spy. Not only is my opsec something that someone needs to
teach me, I'm much too busy to implement things without their help. I am
unabashedly compassionate though, so just ask and I'll pour love from my heart.
But hey! There's always time to practice, each moment you can think "what kind
of a sign is this?"
Like a crazy person following the will of god, or a nature witch listening to
the wind in the trees.
What they often get wrong, and what they could be better at hearing, is that
signals are not signs unless they're out of the ordinary.
Trick is, if you're a spy, then you need to leave signals that are visible
enough to your quarry, but not to the stars.
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--- #130 fediverse/3932 ---
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@user-889
don't give up!
I know that feeling!
it is defeated with persistence!
don't give up!
you can make it!
there's always tomorrow!
so don't give up!
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--- #131 fediverse/2100 ---
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you're good enough
your efforts are worth it
you are valid
you are loved
trust yourself, be honest with others, and find reasons to be affectionate to
others
breathe in, breathe out, and remember: everybody poops. How absurd. How silly.
Can you really take anyone seriously if you imagine them pooping? I know I
can't. Maybe that's juvenile, but it works for me so
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--- #132 fediverse/6236 ---
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I legitimately think everyone in my life is just as cool as me
they just... don't know how to know it.
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--- #133 fediverse/2855 ---
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I refuse to be known by anyone who doesn't know me. But I'm always meeting
people anew, so if they spent some time with me and saw more of my facets,
perhaps they might come to know me.
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--- #134 fediverse/70 ---
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Guess you'll have to read it on my tumblr. Or just read my reddit account's
comments. And no I won't tell you what their names are because you'd just
forget anyway. The fact that we can't trust our shared reality is concerning.
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--- #135 fediverse/1503 ---
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│ CW: vague-gesturing-at-paranoia-I-think │
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part of me kinda wants to be the kind of nerd that writes down the names of
every file that's permanently stored on my computer so that I can verify in my
own handwriting or perhaps using a type of code that the files on my computer
were placed there intentionally and not used to discredit or implicate me in
something I had no intentions of being associated with
phew idk what that means but surely it's important
something something "file creation dates are just bits to be flipped"
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--- #136 fediverse/6250 ---
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Dear my future self: I'm sorry for all the things that I do. I hope you
appreciate the gifts I leave you. Thank you for never giving up, and I trust
you to take care of me and the things I care about. I'm proud of what you've
done with me, and I'm hopeful that one day I'll be just a bit like you.
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--- #137 fediverse/2111 ---
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when someone deletes what they were typing and starts over, that means they
have something more to share and you should try and figure out what it is with
questions.
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--- #138 fediverse/5681 ---
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I'm a helper and everyone wants me to be more agentic but it's like... no... I
don't wanna...
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--- #139 fediverse/851 ---
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@user-599
these are the kinds of things I say to myself all the time. I don't know why,
but it feels true so I think it.
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--- #140 messages/400 ---
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The schizophrenic sees truth in dazzling displays of colors unknown to man,
while the neurotypical sees truth in shades of gray that can be reasoned with.
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--- #141 fediverse/6271 ---
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│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
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@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
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--- #142 fediverse/510 ---
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@user-246
Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like
tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still
understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant
and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most
mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point
I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm
a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with.
Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone
forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #143 fediverse/4243 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
so I guess I'm a chaotic-good witch paladin?
and yes I know "chaotic" and "paladin" don't usually go together, but...
somehow I make it work
... I should do more pushups. Practice with my sword some more. That part of
me's sorta been asleep for four-ish months.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘
--- #144 fediverse/1334 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: TMI-medical-issue-thing-don't-worry-about-it │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
subconsciously running your hand over your butt every time you stand up to
make sure you didn't pee your pants
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #145 fediverse/376 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
@user-281
I'm just a rando but my understanding is that posting on the fediverse is
sorta like writing on the sky, and anyone that wants can read it. I could be
wrong though
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #146 messages/392 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
Hey, can someone please accomplish my dreams for me? I'm too busy being a
waste of potential!
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘
--- #147 fediverse/3014 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
the part of me that thinks "woof I gotta stop posting on the fediverse" is not
the part of me that posts on the fediverse.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘
--- #148 messages/483 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
"hey listen! Do this thing to hurt me! Build the infrastructure to do it so
that you can use it on people who deserve it!"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘
--- #149 fediverse/1617 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
daydreaming about a gang of tough guys who goes around knocking down the
internal fence walls in suburbia and throwing potlucks for all the neighbors
for a month or two so they have social opportunities to meet each other and
make friends
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘
--- #150 fediverse/2424 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #151 fediverse/6070 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
the only way I could fight a war is if my opponents were wrong. they must
break some law, something I hold dear. They must be unrepentant.
ICE is not quitting their jobs. They aren't going away, even though we kindly
suggest they go to where they're wanted.
what's wrong with illegal immigrants? nothing. Same as any other race.
what's wrong with ICE? they sure don't break the law. Same as all the stories
of bad cops.
they are kidnapping people. If they were warranted, they could feel a sense of
ease. Why burden them with a lock-out? wait until someone has a problem. They
are good people because we can get rid of them, how rude. "gee I really wanna
fire that guy who just stands around and picks his nose all day, too bad he's
... " finish the rest.
I love being autistic! It means that I am forced to say things that seem
obvious to me in principle but I've never really thought about until now! I
also pick my nose. And smell kinda bad. But I'm pretty so try not liking me.
you cant know things you don't k
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘
--- #152 fediverse/1005 ---
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@user-738
I like to use the alt text to explain my color choices. I'll say "this next
text is in dark blue, the color of the cold glass-like surface of the ocean"
or "the orange background implies a feeling of warmth and serenity, contrasted
with the violet colors of the text which imply sanguine passion" (then I of
course describe the text)
basically, blind people can't see the image, so they don't get the feeling
that the visual data conveys for sighted people. But they understand the
texture of grass, or the feel of wind on their face, or the taste of
raspberries. They can know of staccato music, or how silk feels on their arm.
it just feels fair, to me, somehow. nobody asked me to do that but having the
option makes it feel important to me.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘
--- #153 fediverse/2891 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health │
└──────────────────────┘
they're painting the inside of my apartment and it naturally has low airflow
in here and it's seeping under my door and making me woozy teehee better open
all the windows
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #154 fediverse/3180 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
I love skywriting. it's so cool to see your words fade into dust after being
seen by everyone around.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘
--- #155 fediverse/4833 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
dear-anakin
(sorry I put the same image four times, I needed to get the whole thing into
the alt-text)
(maybe pictures aren't the best medium for sharing text)
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #156 messages/533 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
They keep trying to make a movie out of my life because that's how they keep
culture going but I won't let them unless the movie is about them
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘
--- #157 fediverse/4072 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
I like games that test my reflexes
I also like games that test my wit
but most of all I like games that test my patience with strategy
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘
--- #158 fediverse/4969 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────
what if I played video games all day so everyone knew I was harmless
maybe someday I'll give them up again
for the... third time now? I think?
heh maybe. I do enjoy the feeling of being unstoppable.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┘
--- #159 fediverse/721 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-and-homelands │
└────────────────────────────────┘
Hello, I am a witch and this is my altar.
Here, I dream of a green USA.
covered by the branches,
my body decays into parts,
ready to join the next life that needs me.
[read the alt-text on the pictures, or listen to your screenreader for more
explanation]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #160 fediverse/3879 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
@user-1614
yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
takes. I'm used to it.
Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
the moment? I feel different now.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘
--- #161 fediverse/5450 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
"cool it with the psychic posting"
ha yeah okay. I still got some things to get through though. I bet someone
somewhere wants to see it.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘
--- #162 fediverse/1906 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
I like Mastodon because it feels like I'm contributing to something larger
than myself even though like, 30 people read each of my posts
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #163 fediverse/2881 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
"never lose your totem"
I only lose things when in motion. at rest I know where everything is.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #164 fediverse/112 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
I live through the moments where I find a folder of stuff I made that I forgot
about and I can go back and see it for the first time.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #165 fediverse/1303 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌───────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
@user-192
normality?
banality?
errrrr I mean emotional disregulation and low self esteem?
... it's easier in person when you can see when everyone has the "yo what the
fuck" look on their face and when they have the "wait what was that I was
thinking about snails" face
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘
--- #166 fediverse/4275 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
@user-1646
I usually just repost it and say something like: [stolen from reddit] or
[stolen from one of my followers who didn't write any alt text]
that way if they ever come across your post they'll know what it feels like to
have a post stolen from them. Like how a blind person, happy to hear-read what
they originally posted, but aggrieved from the conversation by their lack of
alt-textual information, might feel stolen from if they happened across that
originally posted alt-textless post.
there are more blind people that use mastodon than queer people. At least,
that's what I once heard. Dunno if it's true.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘
--- #167 fediverse/2510 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
@user-1074
if I wanted to accomplish this goal, I would host a fediverse server on a
raspberry pi and post the link around the building (the owners will remove it
so you gotta keep posting them)
then, potlucks.
then, friendships.
then, organization.
be patient with them. people are slow to be constructive.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #168 fediverse/4757 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
@user-882
I kinda figure that people follow me for the alarms and the curses and the
manic political dysphoria. I do try and CW when I can but sometimes I get to
the end and it's like... okay I got 4 characters remaining, pol~ maybe?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #169 fediverse/3340 ---
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@user-1501 @user-1502 @user-1201
if so, then don't think about it too hard, you might need disability too!
speaking as someone who needs disability aid but can't get it because of
restrictions like this (also can we talk about the multi-year process to
secure such rights, like c'mon rent's due every MONTH) I have to say that
you're right, it's bullshit, UBI for all, disability benefits for those who
need more, and employment for people who believe a cause is worthy enough to
apply themselves towards it.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #170 fediverse/202 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: guns-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
@user-95 okay I will! that sounds like fun I think I'll join you instead of
being productive : )
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #171 fediverse/534 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: CW-added-nazis-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Agreed! That's why I never touch the stuff. Frankly I worry that if I did, it
would "infect" me somehow, because brains are kinda stupid. Or maybe it's the
'tism that makes me repeat the most taboo think I can think of in my brain
whenever it wants to hurt me -.-
Don't read that stuff. I wish I could forget every slur I ever learned,
because my internal monologue just... REALLY enjoys intrusively thought-ing my
internal narrative whenever possible. >.>
It takes real, genuine effort to not be racist or whatever because brains are
stupid, but like... it's kinda necessary to be a good person, so, y'know,
don't think bad thoughts about people you don't know? And if you find yourself
with intrusive thoughts related to that kind of thing, then focus your
attention on vanquishing them, because it's important. It really is. Just do
it. Work on it. Be better. I know you can. [says me to me lol]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #172 messages/426 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
How many of me are there? There are as many of me as there are of thee, dear
reader.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #173 messages/212 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
Also she's just a person, a cursed person but hey she's just trying to do
right. So am i. I believe in goodness, and so does she (even though she can be
a bit evil about it) (without trying, I might add, it just comes naturally to
her) (she's better now though)
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘
--- #174 fediverse/4226 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
This should go without saying, but...
I'm here for you.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #175 fediverse/1813 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
I want people to watch me. I enjoy being viewed. Please offer guidance, but
maybe limit the abuse. Simple requests for a media company, true? And yet
advertisements (which is the only way people agreed to fund the LAVISH
projects they put on for our tender moments)
Performance is an art, and I sing the song of my heart.
(perhaps in too public of a place)
(but what use is it if nobody knows you?)
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #176 fediverse/2707 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
@user-1209
sometimes I feed the nearby wildlife, and sometimes I don't. I don't want them
to grow reliant on me, but I want them to have a nice surprise every once in a
while.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #177 fediverse/3437 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘
--- #178 fediverse/1428 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
hello everyone, Discord is down for me and I can't reach any of my friends
over SMS.
You know I'd just... give you my address if you asked, right?
oh no sorry turns out they were just busy haha silly me why would I worry
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘
--- #179 fediverse/1243 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
@user-883
hey sorry for ditching you yesterday, hope you had a good night ^_^
I feel much better today.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘
--- #180 fediverse/3235 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: conservatives-and-liberals-mentioned-gender │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
conservatives think gender is assigning yourself to a particular social role
liberals think gender is sort of an aesthetic and way of presenting yourself
queer people tend to think of gender as how you feel and what sparks joy in
your heart
the truth is much more complicated and involves all three, and many more
things besides.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘
--- #181 fediverse/1722 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
harsh lessons of adulthood - sometimes food is not eaten for the taste, but
rather for how it will make you feel slightly better in the next few days.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘
--- #182 fediverse/3102 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
dear whoever keeps whispering "work with me" on the wind:
yes, please get in touch with me, I'll do anything you ask and I'll use an
Anakin accent if you want
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘
--- #183 fediverse/772 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: content-warnings-ai-trauma-woe-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────┘
also applies for alt-text on pictures for people with screenreaders
something something "if I play both sides, then I'm always right!"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘
--- #184 fediverse/1292 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental health question │
└────────────────────────────────┘
@user-78
anhedonia perhaps? the difficulty of identifying or feeling emotions? (emojis
as you put them)
you shouldn't overexpose yourself to things regularly. Think of it like you're
slowly adjusting your body to a poison - you need to start out slowly to build
up a tolerance. In the same way if things make your heart hurt then you
shouldn't expose yourself to too many of them all at once - face the darkness
you find, but only enough to contrast with your bright.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #185 fediverse/5339 ---
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@user-1803
hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
works for them then I consider that a success.
I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
opposed to our purpose here.
"I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
kindness and trust.
All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
shoulders of our ancestors.
Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘
--- #186 fediverse/4855 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
"you should be acting like these people want to destroy you."me, to me
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────┘
--- #187 fediverse_boost/4779 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════─────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ I genuinely wish all Nazis in this world either an epiphany of the truth or a bullet to the head. │║║││║║│ Either one is fine. │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #188 messages/399 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
The schizophrenic sees the truth in dazzling displays of color that are nigh
incomprehensible, while regular people see truth in shades of gray that you
can understand and work with.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘
--- #189 fediverse/547 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
@user-395
You are very welcome. I love putting additional context into places that
people don't often look. I think it makes people feel special when they find
it ^_^
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--- #190 fediverse/5700 ---
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it's okay if you hate me. Please don't have me and not tell me...
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--- #191 fediverse/2857 ---
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│ CW: republicans-mentioned │
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Republicans like being self-reliant. You know, so I do too! It comes from
living in the country, I think.
the difference is, I measure myself on an abstract scale - like, as a family,
a culture, a society, and finally all of humanity. I want to be reliant on
nothing, not even nature, wholely empowered by my own arts.
they see only the feet before them, the hands they hold the world with.
..
there is honor in their ideals, but they have forgotten who they once were.
social media will do that to ya. especially one of such vitriol.
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--- #192 fediverse/806 ---
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... sorry, forgot to content warning that last one. I'm kinda using this
format like a twitch stream... how [weird, strange, perceiving, perplexing,
confusing]
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--- #193 fediverse/2172 ---
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@user-570
I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
can't tick
[off your list of things to work on]
habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
or pentameter or whatever.
anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
... hypervigilance strikes again...
I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
had so many more interesting things going on.
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--- #194 fediverse/1445 ---
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I miss university because of all the gay people I could hang out with.
I guess I must be lonely.
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--- #195 fediverse/4274 ---
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this is how I nourish my brain.
By being hopelessly profane.
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--- #196 fediverse/2041 ---
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@user-1049
I haven't heard of that but I'll look into it! Honestly I'm more likely to
write my own script, it shouldn't be too hard just altering the /etc/hosts
file and then changing it back in ~15 minutes with a cron-job, as Nikky says
down below. I like things that I make myself because then if it breaks I know
who to blame! And who to go to to fix it. >: )
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--- #197 fediverse/1718 ---
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dear old people - did you know computers don't need to have buttons? You can
literally just type what you want to make happen (if you know the magic spell)
and it'll just, do that thing
how cool is that
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--- #198 fediverse/4810 ---
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I can type my thoughts 1000x more coherently than I can speak them. Hence why
I post here.
feels useless to speak 1on1 - feels insular to speak to a group. Hence why I
speak here, which is totally public that anyone might see, and somehow I feel
so much more productive engaging in an endless conversation with myself.
you can't win a war by walking in circles...
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--- #199 fediverse/3451 ---
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│ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
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dear ritz: you should stop talking until your new psychiatric meds take
effect. who knows, maybe you'll be a better person that people should listen
to instead of... whatever you are now.
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--- #200 fediverse_boost/778 ---
◀─╔══════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════──────────────────────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ a message to all my haters! │║║││║║│ i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry what did i do wrong i’ll do anything to fix it i’m so sorry please i’ll do anything to get you to stop hating me i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┴───────╝─▶