=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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│ CW: re: medical cartoon of genitals, lewd │
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@user-192
I loved anatomy textbooks because they gave me an abstraction of things that I
could touch and feel
I learned to project my trans-girl [target-of-gender-euphoria] thoughts onto
the mental model I had constructed of how it all worked. It helped me
conceptualize how humans are configured.
I also had bladder issues growing up so I liked to conceptualize that
structure too
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/2727 ---
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@user-1331
it would be SO nice to be able to scan my brain and know what gender I am.
It's confusing up there!
when I said something similar on Reddit tho people called me "truscum" and
"transmedicalist" >.>
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--- #2 fediverse/3238 ---
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│ CW: personal-health │
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I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
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--- #3 fediverse/2169 ---
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@user-570
Ah, well, that time period for me was after I came out, so I was already past
the fear of being seen.
I could only ever really get the "girl thoughts" to go away with, um,
self-directed sexual attention, so I would often do so. Once every day, no
more than once. But... often for hours at a time. It was a LOT, but I resisted
as best I could, the only way I knew how, until eventually my internals would
overcome.
... anyway "girl thoughts" were just "my thoughts" I was just too much of a
dumbass to tell.
Like, I knew I was trans, but I didn't want that, because it felt like a flaw.
Because that's what I knew, that's what I'd heard, and that's how it felt, to
be denied the consistency of biology and person.
I would never go back. I love who I am, and I think if I had met me I would
have adored who I'd become.
I just... didn't think about the future much, hyper-vigilant much? Yeah.
totally. I get it.
I've never overdone things. At least not to a dangerous degree. It's mostly
just... stuff to me.
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--- #4 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #5 fediverse/4103 ---
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@user-246
I prefer just plain old "trans" and "cis" because then I can pretend "trans"
stands for "transcendental" and hell yeah I'd rather transcend gender than
transition through it
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--- #6 fediverse/2172 ---
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@user-570
I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
can't tick
[off your list of things to work on]
habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
or pentameter or whatever.
anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
... hypervigilance strikes again...
I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
had so many more interesting things going on.
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--- #7 fediverse/972 ---
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for those who live forever in our transhumanist reality, I wonder what's next
beyond transgender transition? transcendence of social norms is a skill, not a
habit. Queer is a rejection of normalcy, something that is actively done.
What's more normal than never having any fun? Clearly "normal" isn't built for
the human condition, clearly "normalcy" is shallow and been done.
considering the amount of people who are really into some culture like
"anime-cons" or "baseball watcher" or "golfer" or "other such hobbys like
fishing or guns"
... normal never existed, it's just a collection of personalities (developed
throughout the history of humanity) that collectively seem to be fun.
"if transitioning is to gender as blossoming is to [the concept of] flowers,
then what is the concept of global warming to the earth we stand on?"
I'm kind of a witch. I'm not really femme, so I don't feel right calling
myself one of them, but I'm something of the sort. I use "she/her" pronouns
because they reflect my softness of c
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--- #8 fediverse/5330 ---
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│ CW: personal-sexuality-mentioned │
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I used to be aroused at the thought of being a girl. I would read stories and
look at pictures of penises turning into vaginas and men turning into women
and it would fill me with longing, yearning, and despair at my circumstances.
then, I transitioned, got SRS, and now I don't get aroused at the thought of
such things. It's just part of who I am.
I used to be aroused at the thought of wearing diapers. I would read stories
and play games of people being cursed by witches to pee their pants, or people
who were stuck at a movie theater and couldn't make it in time or whatever.
These things would fill me with longing, yearning, and despair.
Plus, I had some medical issues that made me lose track of my... um,
"currently utilized waste storage capacity" inside my body. which put me in
some unfortunate situations right around the time when my sexuality was
developing.
Now, I wear diapers all the time. I don't get aroused at the thought of such
things anymore. It's just me, as I am.
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--- #9 fediverse/1399 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: cursing-mentioned-eye-contact │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ If you're worried about passing, take what you're good at and make it gay. │
║ │
║ Do you wear band t-shirts and black jeans? Great you're an emo girl now, │
║ totally reasonable transitionary state before you end up as a cute anime girl │
║ with spinny uwu dresses or whatever your heart desires │
║ │
║ do you generally stick to jeans and sweatshirts? Okay congrats you're just as │
║ cute, don't feel inadequate just because you like being comfy. Hell yeah │
║ you're cute as fuck, you know you are, I mean just look at that smile! Wow damn │
║ │
║ like, switch the gender, not the vibe. not only will other people be cool with │
║ it but also, like, you won't alter the course of your trajectory. │
║ │
║ unless that's what you want, but TBH if you're both enigmatic AND phlegmatic │
║ [EDIT: but like the opposite of phlegmatic, I always get the definition wrong] │
║ then you can change a lot and people won't rely on you to be a certain way. │
║ │
║ ... you know you can delete things before you post them, right? Ha I've never │
║ even heard of the word. │
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--- #10 fediverse/1131 ---
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@user-850
true T.T I forgot about physical ailments. Was mostly thinking about
interpersonal relationships because that's what's on my mind rn in my life.
@user-5
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--- #11 fediverse/6409 ---
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example of statistics related to revolution that I care about: number of
children who go hungry
example of statistics related to revolution that my girlfriend cares about:
number of girls who want to be snuggled and are snuggled
both are important, just like it's important to know both geometry and anatomy.
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--- #12 fediverse/1954 ---
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My parents always told me that you should build up an emergency fund of
dollars so that you could address any unexpected expenses.
however, money is only useful if you can spend it, and sometimes when I'm
thinking about what would happen if suddenly every trans person in the country
had to go into hiding and never leave their apartment while being supplied by
helpful members of the community who they had to trust because like what else
are you going to do and boy that opens up a lot of opportunities for abuse
like what if they bring poisoned food or what if they're secretly judging you
to decide if you're good enough to support or if they're going to throw you to
the wolves so that suspicion in the area is reduced and when I think about
things like that I kinda feel like my bank account isn't that important tbh
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--- #13 fediverse_boost/1097 ---
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║ │ @user-800 Interesting thread. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I consider myself a "bulb" sort of trans person, and I really appreciate your gentleness in pointing out that not everyone was an egg. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ As a bulb, I continually put forth green shoots, suggestions that I was who I was. I tried many times, and each time I was mown down. Until finally one day I burst through, lasted through the mowing, and managed to blossom. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I knew from a young age, and tried to tell my parents. When they said not to talk about it, I didn't. But it didn't stop me from expressing it: we could never go to the home of my parents' friends who had daughters, because Every. Single. Time. I would end up in her clothing. Without fail. I was compulsive. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ In the late 60s, early 70s, this was...frowned upon. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ So I got mowed. And again. And again. Until finally I got away from my parents, said "I need to do what I need for me, not for other people", and I transitioned. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ And it cost me everything. My job, my education, my home, my friends, my family. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Still the best decision I ever made, and I would make it again the same way 100 times out of 100. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ If you're wondering? If you've wondered if you can do it? Told yourself you'd be too ugly, you're too old, you could never pass, all the things we doom ourselves with? │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ If you want to be a girl, or a boy, or a nonbinary person, or agender or genderfluid or any of the other billions of ways to be, *you can do it*. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ The only criterion really is: do you wanna? You don't need to be hetero (but you can be!), you don't need dysphoria (but you can have it), you don't need to think you were born in the wrong body (but if you do...). You just need to want to. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ And if you know you're trans for sure, but can't face that first day...it gets easier. In time. It gets easier. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Good luck, siblings. │ ║
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--- #14 fediverse/6236 ---
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I legitimately think everyone in my life is just as cool as me
they just... don't know how to know it.
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--- #15 fediverse/1090 ---
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║ @user-800 │
║ │
║ I knew I was trans from a young age. I felt attracted to women's clothes │
║ because I lived in a home with two sisters and a mother - my father was │
║ frequently away on business. │
║ │
║ I guess I liked their clothes more. Or maybe I just wanted to fit in. But I │
║ found myself stealing them and wearing them when I was alone. Then I got │
║ older, and amongst all the other things I realized I wanted to be one of them. │
║ │
║ I knew what trans people were, sorta, but as soon as I moved to the city and │
║ got access to the internet the first thing I ever googled was "I want to be a │
║ girl" - really dating myself here I guess. │
║ │
║ anyway, I miss that part of the internet. Felt more simple and alive. As soon │
║ as their fancy websites made us intolerant of ugly ones, we kinda just... │
║ left? I mean, how much does it cost to host a text-file with all your html? │
║ Some pictures maybe? Who cares it was whatever. │
║ │
║ I miss forums the most, and while I could visit them... it's not the same, │
║ just as the next superbowl will not be the same as the last │
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--- #16 fediverse/4026 ---
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why is everyone so confused about how I turned out?
I literally spent my whole childhood telling stories to myself
(inspired by the world, and stories I had read, with mechanics like games I
had played)
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--- #17 fediverse/5056 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: politi │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ republicans break things until you fight back, democrats keep people working │
║ to keep the line steady on the graph. │
║ │
║ one is an agitating force, the other is calming. │
║ │
║ I don't like the direction the line is going, so I'm pretty much "anti-line" │
║ in general │
║ │
║ kinda want it all to disappear │
║ │
║ like... what's the point, what's the purpose, of suffering and heartship and │
║ worrel? │
║ │
║ I think we could have no borders, and think less of the line in general. │
║ │
║ I'm more concerned with my time. I have too much to do to spend 8 hours of it │
║ so many times making the human computer calculgoable │
║ │
║ [unrelated, but humans are unsure about gender transition hormones because in │
║ addition to all the trans people who take these body and mind altering tools, │
║ also there are people who want to excape suspicion and also people who are │
║ genuinely incapable of their decisions (for one reason or another) and who am │
║ I to tell them no] │
║ │
║ unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. [see picture for │
║ the rest - ran outta characters] │
![unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. we're all working to solve problems. I love that attitude. [unrelated, but I think anyone going through psychosis or mind-stacking techniques should document their experience as comprehensively as possible in order to better illuminate the nature and function of the human organism. whyfor is this strange rootlike structure ever-present all throughout their [forms, but I got lost halfway through thinking aboutthat frustrating shape]] a government could keep it's borderlands air-gapped from all human interaction ("oh yeah there's nothing beyond that hill, don't worry about going over there and several hills beyond. there's nothing that way for miiiiiiiiiiiiiles and miles so don't even think about taking another toe-step toward that way distance over there. oh? a massive pillar of smoke the size of great britain? way off in the distance, farther than you could possibly hope? that's probably nothing. don't worry about it. you don't know anyone who lives that way. ... wait what was I talking about? oh yes. sometimes it's important to make notes in public so you can remember just what it was that you said. I like leaving my completed notebooks out and about and around. can always drop something for someone just because. maybe someone you recognize something familiar with, like "oh that's a pokemon hat" or "neat they wear diapers too" or "I also pronounce it like that"](/similar-different/media/7d61a9770ac4b21a.png "unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. we're all working to solve problems. I love that attitude. [unrelated, but I think anyone going through psychosis or mind-stacking techniques should document their experience as comprehensively as possible in order to better illuminate the nature and function of the human organism. whyfor is this strange rootlike structure ever-present all throughout their [forms, but I got lost halfway through thinking aboutthat frustrating shape]] a government could keep it's borderlands air-gapped from all human interaction (\"oh yeah there's nothing beyond that hill, don't worry about going over there and several hills beyond. there's nothing that way for miiiiiiiiiiiiiles and miles so don't even think about taking another toe-step toward that way distance over there. oh? a massive pillar of smoke the size of great britain? way off in the distance, farther than you could possibly hope? that's probably nothing. don't worry about it. you don't know anyone who lives that way. ... wait what was I talking about? oh yes. sometimes it's important to make notes in public so you can remember just what it was that you said. I like leaving my completed notebooks out and about and around. can always drop something for someone just because. maybe someone you recognize something familiar with, like \"oh that's a pokemon hat\" or \"neat they wear diapers too\" or \"I also pronounce it like that\"")
!["I also pronounce it like that" -> "you got the colors" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do. [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside] [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?] [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.] [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.] [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in] [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened] [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it] [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them] [inside voices]](/similar-different/media/7cfab439e208e724.png "\"I also pronounce it like that\" -> \"you got the colors\" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do. [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside] [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?] [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.] [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.] [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in] [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened] [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it] [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them] [inside voices]")
!["I also pronounce it like that" -> "you got the colors" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do. [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside] [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?] [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.] [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.] [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in] [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened] [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it] [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them] [inside voices]](/similar-different/media/811253fae94ccfdd.png "\"I also pronounce it like that\" -> \"you got the colors\" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do. [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside] [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?] [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.] [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.] [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in] [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened] [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it] [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them] [inside voices]")
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--- #18 messages/670 ---
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Just because I related to "Violette and Klaus Baudelaire" doesn't mean I
wasn't traumatized
It just means I grew up rich. Humanity cares not for oppression, only pain.
(biologically, mentally, and emotionally).
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--- #19 fediverse/5719 ---
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I love dispatch tables! which is a term I just learned and a concept I have
been using for a while.
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--- #20 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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