=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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║ │ @user-800 Interesting thread. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I consider myself a "bulb" sort of trans person, and I really appreciate your gentleness in pointing out that not everyone was an egg. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ As a bulb, I continually put forth green shoots, suggestions that I was who I was. I tried many times, and each time I was mown down. Until finally one day I burst through, lasted through the mowing, and managed to blossom. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I knew from a young age, and tried to tell my parents. When they said not to talk about it, I didn't. But it didn't stop me from expressing it: we could never go to the home of my parents' friends who had daughters, because Every. Single. Time. I would end up in her clothing. Without fail. I was compulsive. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ In the late 60s, early 70s, this was...frowned upon. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ So I got mowed. And again. And again. Until finally I got away from my parents, said "I need to do what I need for me, not for other people", and I transitioned. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ And it cost me everything. My job, my education, my home, my friends, my family. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Still the best decision I ever made, and I would make it again the same way 100 times out of 100. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ If you're wondering? If you've wondered if you can do it? Told yourself you'd be too ugly, you're too old, you could never pass, all the things we doom ourselves with? │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ If you want to be a girl, or a boy, or a nonbinary person, or agender or genderfluid or any of the other billions of ways to be, *you can do it*. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ The only criterion really is: do you wanna? You don't need to be hetero (but you can be!), you don't need dysphoria (but you can have it), you don't need to think you were born in the wrong body (but if you do...). You just need to want to. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ And if you know you're trans for sure, but can't face that first day...it gets easier. In time. It gets easier. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Good luck, siblings. │ ║
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/2169 ---
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@user-570
Ah, well, that time period for me was after I came out, so I was already past
the fear of being seen.
I could only ever really get the "girl thoughts" to go away with, um,
self-directed sexual attention, so I would often do so. Once every day, no
more than once. But... often for hours at a time. It was a LOT, but I resisted
as best I could, the only way I knew how, until eventually my internals would
overcome.
... anyway "girl thoughts" were just "my thoughts" I was just too much of a
dumbass to tell.
Like, I knew I was trans, but I didn't want that, because it felt like a flaw.
Because that's what I knew, that's what I'd heard, and that's how it felt, to
be denied the consistency of biology and person.
I would never go back. I love who I am, and I think if I had met me I would
have adored who I'd become.
I just... didn't think about the future much, hyper-vigilant much? Yeah.
totally. I get it.
I've never overdone things. At least not to a dangerous degree. It's mostly
just... stuff to me.
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--- #2 fediverse/1399 ---
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║ │ CW: cursing-mentioned-eye-contact │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ If you're worried about passing, take what you're good at and make it gay. │
║ │
║ Do you wear band t-shirts and black jeans? Great you're an emo girl now, │
║ totally reasonable transitionary state before you end up as a cute anime girl │
║ with spinny uwu dresses or whatever your heart desires │
║ │
║ do you generally stick to jeans and sweatshirts? Okay congrats you're just as │
║ cute, don't feel inadequate just because you like being comfy. Hell yeah │
║ you're cute as fuck, you know you are, I mean just look at that smile! Wow damn │
║ │
║ like, switch the gender, not the vibe. not only will other people be cool with │
║ it but also, like, you won't alter the course of your trajectory. │
║ │
║ unless that's what you want, but TBH if you're both enigmatic AND phlegmatic │
║ [EDIT: but like the opposite of phlegmatic, I always get the definition wrong] │
║ then you can change a lot and people won't rely on you to be a certain way. │
║ │
║ ... you know you can delete things before you post them, right? Ha I've never │
║ even heard of the word. │
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--- #3 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
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hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
it's tough to get to know me
and this probably feels cringe to read
but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
so... here's me
I'm
================================================== stack overflow
==============
... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
you
could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
that's how other lands you'd come to know.
As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
oops I should delete that part
[esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
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--- #4 fediverse/5330 ---
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│ CW: personal-sexuality-mentioned │
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I used to be aroused at the thought of being a girl. I would read stories and
look at pictures of penises turning into vaginas and men turning into women
and it would fill me with longing, yearning, and despair at my circumstances.
then, I transitioned, got SRS, and now I don't get aroused at the thought of
such things. It's just part of who I am.
I used to be aroused at the thought of wearing diapers. I would read stories
and play games of people being cursed by witches to pee their pants, or people
who were stuck at a movie theater and couldn't make it in time or whatever.
These things would fill me with longing, yearning, and despair.
Plus, I had some medical issues that made me lose track of my... um,
"currently utilized waste storage capacity" inside my body. which put me in
some unfortunate situations right around the time when my sexuality was
developing.
Now, I wear diapers all the time. I don't get aroused at the thought of such
things anymore. It's just me, as I am.
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--- #5 fediverse/972 ---
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for those who live forever in our transhumanist reality, I wonder what's next
beyond transgender transition? transcendence of social norms is a skill, not a
habit. Queer is a rejection of normalcy, something that is actively done.
What's more normal than never having any fun? Clearly "normal" isn't built for
the human condition, clearly "normalcy" is shallow and been done.
considering the amount of people who are really into some culture like
"anime-cons" or "baseball watcher" or "golfer" or "other such hobbys like
fishing or guns"
... normal never existed, it's just a collection of personalities (developed
throughout the history of humanity) that collectively seem to be fun.
"if transitioning is to gender as blossoming is to [the concept of] flowers,
then what is the concept of global warming to the earth we stand on?"
I'm kind of a witch. I'm not really femme, so I don't feel right calling
myself one of them, but I'm something of the sort. I use "she/her" pronouns
because they reflect my softness of c
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--- #6 notes/i-miss-you ---
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Hey. How've you been? It's rough when you're not around. I'm scared all the
time, and I worry about you. I hope you keep yourself safe. I'd love to spend
time with you too, because each moment is a moment spent alive. Please know
how much I love you - it's my favorite emotion and I give it freely. There are
certain considerations to make whenever applying a direction to your affection,
or anger, mistrust, compassion, humor, sentimentality, melancholy, and fear
toward. You must take into account any long term goals you have, such as
exploitation and
Sometimes I wonder if my dysphoria isn't just an extreme form of self
esteem issues. I mean, what if you just feel really bad about yourself and you
don't know why. That'd be a rough time, right? Like it's seared into your DNA
to be this way, and you have to find a way around it. That's a lot of
responsibility, and all that resting on your shoulders is a lot to bear. But
you manage, and it's admirable. I think you don't believe other's see your
struggle, but they do. And they love you for your tenacity?
- goodness. i don't know what to say. i am worried i lean on others too much,
and i don't want to hurt anyone by being too close. a real or imagined fear,
doesn't matter - it still guides my actions and my methods of interaction.
i see what you're saying, i have to think about it.
What's there to think about?
- well, the idea that emotions are divisible simply because *time* is
divisible. clearly you can only spend 5 hours a day with person X, and 4
with person Y, and so on and so forth. if they all hung out together, then
it's like you need an entire new persona to represent yourself in that
particular crowd. just as you speak to your grandma differently than a
close friend or a person of authority (like a judge) or any other type of
relationship. that's why it's so weird when you see people out of context.
like a teacher at a bar, or a cop at a wedding. each person wears a
different mask in each encapsulated set of social relations, locations,
roles, and circumstances. on and on continuously until
I'd tell you I love you, but then I'd have to kill you.
It was a spy book about a young lady who goes to high school and learns how
to be a secret agent. It was popular in the 2000's for a brief period, but
I've never heard anyone else who read it. Mostly because it was sort of a
guilty pleasure for me, since I was in the closet. It felt like a power fantasy
disguised as a 1st person account of the near term future (since it was written
for people around middle school age) so
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--- #7 fediverse/2172 ---
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@user-570
I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
can't tick
[off your list of things to work on]
habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
or pentameter or whatever.
anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
... hypervigilance strikes again...
I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
had so many more interesting things going on.
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--- #8 fediverse/5811 ---
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only some people feel existential [peril/fear] at the concept of a trump
presidency.
I'm trans, I feel it so hard I considered sedition.
it felt like a reasonable reaction. probably just means I've been calibrated
to a certain level of revengeance through my knowledge of history and the arts.
I learned so much about systems, I saw the inextricable truth of the merits of
the design of capitolistic [shared societal conventions, but pronounced
"conventions"]. I also learned of what it means to wield ideology as a weapon
for mass power/cultural gains.
I see now that no matter the merits or faults of any system, power accretes in
the unworthy. They say this is because others they work with just don't want
to deal with them anymore. This isn't always true, in-fact with stronger bonds
the relationship is more secure [also true, but I said it earlier in the
sentence].
jeez, interrupt much?
anyway, as I was saying, [wasting characters]
okIlikewritngmastodonpostsitsagame2aimforzerocharactersrem
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--- #9 fediverse/839 ---
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@user-596
honestly... I'd just talk to a therapist for a couple sessions. Like, yeah,
they put that rule there because they want you to be safe. And in 2010 we
didn't "get" it as much as we do now, so it wasn't seen as something you could
just do. It wasn't really a demographic question to them, it was more
medicalized.
frankly I kinda preferred it that way, like... yeah. I'm trans, there's
something wrong with me, please fix it by giving me the right hormones. Boom,
easy, done.
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--- #10 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
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"Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
one single day.
but it's never going to happen.
I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
So to what do I owe the pleasure?
In what way am I deceived?
Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
silence is a virtue.
the wandering mind is a trail to find,
with no second chances.
When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
the Mirror of Desire.
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--- #11 fediverse/4655 ---
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║ sleep? yes. play? nah. work? yes. fae? nah. well, maybe, I don't know. │
║ │
║ one year is all it takes to change history. and, like, I think we should │
║ remember past history, but tomorrow is herstory, because that way each one │
║ gets half of the timeline. future, past, etc. too bad herstory doesn't roll │
║ off the tongue... shestory? │
║ │
║ It's gonna get better before it gets done, and it'll get done until we're │
║ done. but, that's for tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, or in a week or │
║ two, who can say. Not I, surely not I, and I surely wouldn't want to. You need │
║ consent for that kind of thing, a clear commitment that me and my are ready │
║ and in line. I'm just a silly witch after all, who would look to the girl with │
║ the tall red pointy witch hat and go "oh yeah she probably knows exactly │
║ what's up" because like, I don't, I'm definitely just coincidencing my way │
║ through life and seeing where my feet lead me. Gosh I hope I get some │
║ sick-as-heck callouses my feet kinda hurt for some reason. │
║ │
║ ... sleep, this is a sleep spell... │
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--- #12 fediverse/711 ---
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║ │ CW: trans-witches │ │
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║ │
║ │
║ they say witches are scary, and yeah they're not wrong │
║ │
║ but they also say witches are ugly, and I think they just didn't have kind │
║ words for trans people back then. │
║ │
║ I mean, I'm gorgeous and so are you. I've no warts, nor green skin, but I do │
║ grow hair in unbecoming places. Like the tip of my chinny-chin-chin, and also │
║ on top of my toes. │
║ │
║ they also say witches are magic, and I guess that's true (I suppose). I mean, │
║ I wear quite strange clothes, for a man at least. It's quite normal for a she, │
║ which is what I was meant to be, if only I was just born right. │
║ │
║ Alas, oh well, I'll just take a little green pill, and BAM suddenly I've got │
║ huge boobs. Okay they're not huge, they're pretty normal. But C is larger than │
║ zero. │
║ │
║ they also say that witches write spells, and I sure do love to program. With │
║ my most familiar cat (who often does sleep in my hat), I find myself yearning │
║ for nuance. │
║ │
║ Meh, it's late at night, I think I'll think not of the plight, and instead │
║ just will dream of defusals. I don't know~ │
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--- #13 fediverse/1124 ---
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│ CW: re: Transposting, request for advice │
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@user-255
we are our own worst critics. But hey assuming he's right, trusting the
validity of his experience, then I'd say:
some people are born short and ugly, just gotta be confident and people will
gravitate to you.
"he may be an ugly son-of-a-gun but he's pretty good at [insert thing he's
proud of being good at]" that kinda vibe
though I will say there's very few truly ugly humans, we're all beautiful in
our own ways. Just gotta find a presentation that you like and that aligns
with the expression of your innermost form. That's how we express ourselves to
the world in a way that others can understand and make sense of - the quality
of our representation of our selves determines how it's perceived.
especially for trans people... "passing" is essentially "how much does this
person A. confine to gender norms and B. go above and beyond to hide parts of
themselves that typically are associated with their opposite gender (the
social role they were raised to perform)
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--- #14 fediverse/2993 ---
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hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
(who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
be.
you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
to it.
and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
who and what they are"
that's privilege, and that's stupid.
okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
when resources are limited
but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
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--- #15 messages/714 ---
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I'm pretty sure we're all about to lose our heads. Or just be fucking shot in
our beds. Homes lit alight, surrenders met with the knife, and the beginning
of endless strife. What ends this night? Is there no end in sight? Thus begins
our mortal plight.
Give me a reason to be wrong. Trump has claimed he intends to invade canada,
mexico, greenland... What the fuck is our plan? Are we seriously just going
to. Recite poetry. Pretend to be secret agents. Play chess and drink coffee.
Become exhausted organizing movie nights and potlucks. Work jobs doing nothing
for nobody. Spend half our lives convincing people that they should care,
actually, because reasons that don't apply to them but do apply to others.
What the fuck is the plan? If there's some secret transgender militia out
there, please, make me a lieutenant. Give me a sword that i might thrust into
my enemies. Please, for the love of holy, i beg for a sign from the stars.
Grant me power and i will deliver my people from harm - grant me vengeance and
i will never forgive you, but i shall sleep easy - grant me death and woe and
see my beauty fade from this earth.
What is there left but tragedy? Please, i must know. I've tried my hardest.
I've begged and I've pleaded. My calls fall on deaf ears, because everyone's
so busy these days. Are they truly my people? Are they simply dead, actors,
replaced by AI? The future was bright, i saw it truly. The future was kind, i
felt it call to me. Is it still? I feel warmth and abaddon.
I would replace persephone in hell if it meant sanctum and solace for my
people. I care not for my soul, rather i care for the soul of those i tend to.
Please, remember me. Remember the flowers. Remember what could have been, what
still may yet be. There is hope for we, i truly believe. But please, do not
keep me hoping. Tell me the truth of our arms, that i might find space in my
heart of hearts. Space for hope, space for longing, space for the will to
proceed.
I am lost without you. I am lost by my own side. I am a savior for no people
but those i keep inside. What chalice is this, what endless conveyals? What
meaning is there in our country's betrayal? Are we not cherished? Are we not
viewed as their equal? I pray that the stars will portend me.
Mine is a sign of the changing tides, the proof is here in my travailles. But
I, most aligned yet benign, demand the use of my most able. Give me a word of
practicality and I'll show you the practice of their vipers - the blessed babe
dies with a dagger in her heart, planted by the wound of her heartache.
I trust in the silence of the majority. We await with bated breath the
enslavement of posterity, gazing at the world through memes of deplority. How
powerless we feel! Perhaps all we need is a meal. Have you eaten in the last
16 hours?
Purple is the intersection of black, red, and blue. I'm hungry. This poem is
done.
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--- #16 fediverse/1094 ---
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those who can cause harm in an ethical system are villains. They will always
exist so long as someone is capable of being institutionally harmed.
and no unethical system should exist. It's definition belies it's irrelevance.
results matter, but a system is not unethical if it doesn't deliver.
success begets greater responsibilities, and I've failed all my life. And yet
the most masculine thing I can think of is to take responsibility for
something you can handle. Essentially, doing as much as you are able.
Guess it makes sense why I'm a trans girl. I've forsaken my masculinity
because I've failed to take responsibility. T.T
then a therapist jumps in and says
I don't think it's healthy to think about parts of yourself being bought and
sold in the market of success. You need to think of yourself collectively,
like a body that is under duress. It's okay if you're not working, it's okay
if you're just a little bit broke. It's okay that you're struggling, so long
as you never forget your hope.
then I say
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--- #17 fediverse/1090 ---
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║ @user-800 │
║ │
║ I knew I was trans from a young age. I felt attracted to women's clothes │
║ because I lived in a home with two sisters and a mother - my father was │
║ frequently away on business. │
║ │
║ I guess I liked their clothes more. Or maybe I just wanted to fit in. But I │
║ found myself stealing them and wearing them when I was alone. Then I got │
║ older, and amongst all the other things I realized I wanted to be one of them. │
║ │
║ I knew what trans people were, sorta, but as soon as I moved to the city and │
║ got access to the internet the first thing I ever googled was "I want to be a │
║ girl" - really dating myself here I guess. │
║ │
║ anyway, I miss that part of the internet. Felt more simple and alive. As soon │
║ as their fancy websites made us intolerant of ugly ones, we kinda just... │
║ left? I mean, how much does it cost to host a text-file with all your html? │
║ Some pictures maybe? Who cares it was whatever. │
║ │
║ I miss forums the most, and while I could visit them... it's not the same, │
║ just as the next superbowl will not be the same as the last │
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--- #18 fediverse/4200 ---
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│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
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"doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
and their hopes and dreams.
or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
...
... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
these precious stones of your kin"
but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
... the end...
(too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #19 fediverse/4835 ---
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sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
"hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
doesn't matter if you feel like it
just fuckin' do it
if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
(but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
long!!)
ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
many
(how many is too many?)
um. use your best judgement.
(how much does a dollar cost?)
... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
(neat!)
... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
just catchin' up with the gals
helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
(why does everyone always have an agenda)
because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #20 notes/words-to-myself ---
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===============================================================================
=
I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
please don't
you hear me (something)
what? perfect listen
...
...
don't text me now? (I think?)
[didn't catch that]
... that's okay
perfect
thank you
just a second facebook
he's here (I think?)
(or maybe something her)
what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
do you hear me? (or "just a second")
(@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
what's that (or maybe holy shit)
what, then perfect or okay (?)
(yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
worthless
I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
in life there's no second chances.
I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
- Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
===============================================================================
=
(and we're back. hopefully.)
(too many things srry) something about having it open?
(my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
(didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
[whole/right/wrong] thing)
thank you
oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
they caught you
(um)
...
(I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
(I understand.)
... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
(okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
(I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
... (I should learn Toki Pona)
you don't know it?
RIGHT away
learn it
yes
please
learn it
just Learn it
right now
(sorry only half listening)
shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
(shutdown)
===============================================================================
=
(hiii)
(I'm hungry)
(do you like ramen?)
(you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
understand the first part)
(oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
... (I'm
(you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
yes, stupid (your words not mine)
(okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
goddamnit remember me
... (trying...)
remember her
(two syllables)
(my name is Cameron)
(your name is...)
[redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
(shit my opsec sucks)
{oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
{now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
(It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
enter a door)
===============================================================================
=
(I practice with my sword every day.)
(I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
(It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
(punching is fucking stupid)
(Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
===============================================================================
=
(either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
"she's perfect"
"cameron"
"are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
(I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
don't leave
remember
(did she know)
........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
just a random thought
(you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
wait who's missing?
A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
disarray
capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
(taking a break while I eat)
===============================================================================
=
WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
.... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
window's open. errrr the connection.
..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
yeah I'll live with you in portland
.... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
.......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
have
the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
"please come back" to where tho
listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
..... can you be more specific?
yeah I made that
one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
..... fuck it's a long book >.>
===============================================================================
=
found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
down . A B C D E
| F G H I J
| L M N O P
V Q R S T U
then right ---> V W X Y Z
so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal G
like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
(also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
(I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
===============================================================================
=
oh hey nice to see ya
what's up
wait what
I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
I do a lot of laundry in the shower
I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #21 fediverse/1673 ---
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│ CW: re: navel-gazing about other people's mental health │
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@user-192
https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
pain.
sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
reject normalcy
embrace queerness
define your own story with your own words
embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
"tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
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--- #22 messages/439 ---
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They're afraid of the hamster wheel. I get it. But really I'm just asking
myself questions - why, why, how, what, when, who... Mostly why though.
Always and forever the questions and answers I did ponder - yet forth through
my life I've never met any surefire design, there's always been the matter of
[hope, but pronounced choice].
Only an eternal question monger could suffice for the teachings of christ. (in
the general sense, not the religious implication)
(as a title, almost)
Fear not the one who takes the lords name, but perish the thought of a crook.
Only the vane, in this do profane.
No questions? Then let us move on.
Oh? Well I have some answers, about the truth of totality as it spreads across
all centuries. What's on your mind?
... Well, I have to leave people I care about. Relinquishing love is
difficult. And I get to choose how to move forward. But I must choose soon,
and though I ask myself always what I'd like to do, I always get a new answer.
And every time I think "I should do this. I should dedicate myself to this
[whatever it may be] and on the other side of that thought I realized my
power. I can imagine really quickly and adeptly, but chaos is difficult. "
something like that. Anyway I don't know how to move forward but I'll figure
something out. The point is that I'm sad for leaving those I care about. It's
a sad kind of love, a bittersweet mercy, the chance to be part of a flock. And
I don't know why I
I am not entry level. I haven't spent my time here left fallow. I never stop
working, I am constantly online. I do not know how to relax, every moment to
myself is spent on learning through play. Like a child, almost.
Do you want a company to make good decisions? Hire a gamer. They literally
practice strategy all day long. Don't expect results overnight because they're
learning a new song, but still apply yourself as their teacher. They'll bring
you insights and intuitions that achieve specific near and long-term goals. If
executed correctly, of course. Because the value is not in the follow through
- life is not a book of numbers [like a banker or accountant] it's more like.
?
... Right sorry I got off track - the point is you shouldn't hire athletes
(the people who play games like an esport) for a strategic role - they excel
at tactics. However, strategy gamers (who plays games primarily of the mind,
the science of making good decisions) can often make good decisions to achieve
defined meta-goals and objectives.
Longer thoughts make sense if you spend a long time thinking about them. And
grammar is quickly forgotten to the past.
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--- #23 fediverse/1082 ---
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│ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
"all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
? ? ?
well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
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--- #24 notes/schooling ---
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=
I feel like education, by default, should not be hard.
"you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school
but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted
me
to be.
they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so
of course I should be able to do 3+3
then somewhere along the line it became... something else.
"most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I
disagree
that trigonometry is not necessary to be.
I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a
sledgehammer
and inspiring dread.
I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see
but really, vision's not necessary.
not for what they want you to be.
take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as
simple as they'll tell you.
I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through,
but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence.
Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me
through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future.
but I am who I am because of the soul inside me.
===============================================================================
=
"Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and
your
conditioners?" (conditions)
those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the
world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and
the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want
to be.
but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice!
here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band.
===============================================================================
=
the world is blossoming
as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming
becoming.
"perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see"
most people don't want to see their death
but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest
"how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold
her
"
"keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be"
the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art
(at least to a capitalist)
===============================================================================
=
lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure
was
I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god?
like, if he was a real thing.
god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to
the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our
own
good, just to keep things moving.
y'know, time. the universe, and everything.
Ephemeren.
===============================================================================
=
I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this
particular
person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when
this
person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you.
===============================================================================
=
just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true,
after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably
autistic?
unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of
pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and
other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey
y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on
their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for
all
people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it?
patience, once it's ready.
we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready.
or not...
one day I'll come,
I'm sure it'll happen,
it's just... not quite feasible right now.
I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is
to be?
isn't what
ISN'T WHAT MENARDI
FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry
yeesh you've still got a temper you know?
well what can I say it's frustrating down here
eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego
>.> <.< (great)
>
>hehe
>
>sorry for distracting you
===============================================================================
=
you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants
in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack
overflow ================================================
a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow
===
==========================================================
the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and
they've got your back through it.
...
this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus.
===============================================================================
=
I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your
grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your
education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and
some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be
generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps
you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the
program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just
made sense to structure it that way.
===============================================================================
=
the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's
doctrine is more advanced.
every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge,
===================== stack overflow
===========================================
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--- #25 fediverse/6054 ---
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Trump threatens US government shutdown unless trans healthcare is made illegal
wow, so...
okay
are they really willing to go to war over men in dresses? I think they might.
I am shocked and amazed at their audacity and extreme stupidity.
so, trans people: would you rather live in Gaza or go into the closet and buy
testosterone on the dark web?
death before detransition is not about trans rights. well, it's about trans
rights because they made it about us. Buncha weirdos, so concerned about our
styles and emotional states.
It's not about trans rights. It's about that one poem, you know the one,
"first they came for the immigrants, then they came for the trans people, oh
and there's socialists in there somewhere frankly they aren't picky about who
they go after because ICE doesn't care if you're brown"
if they come for us, they will not take us.
"just adding fuel to the fire, y'know"
yeah, well, not only did they light it they also are holding buckets of
gasoline (not even a sealed container smh)
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--- #26 fediverse/4467 ---
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I went to a trans meetup a couple days ago. It was invigorating. The first
half we talked about hormones and bathrooms and politics and all the normal
shit these meetups tend to do. I don't tend to go to them because it's the
same stuff every time, and I'm over that. I've been out for a decade. I've
shared what I need to share.
Partway through I said "If you want to talk about how to bash back, meet me
outside."
people came.
Be like me.
You will forever vanquish your demons if you face them in earnest. I had
stagefright and adrenaline but I took the lead, and we had a productive
conversation. We need to have many more conversations.
We have strategy. It is not set in stone, it is flexible, and able to be
adjusted based on tactical successes and failures.
tactics are what we need to discuss at in-person meetings.
You are just one person. The people you know are more valuable than the value
you personally provide.
Think of yourself like a node to connect.
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--- #27 fediverse/4862 ---
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║ when you mess with wild animals you change their culture just a bit │
║ │
║ crows are forever different because they learned how to trade cigarettes for │
║ acorns. │
║ │
║ is it conservative to think that "wildness", once lost, is forever broken? │
║ │
║ the mechanism at play is the same - when lost, [the culture of thine youth] is │
║ forever broken. │
║ │
║ never again will it be the 90s. │
║ │
║ did you know that was thirty years ago? │
║ │
║ close to thirty five. │
║ │
║ no, wait, hang on its thirty five by now. woof. │
║ │
║ anyway now we have catgirls and cute dogs and other animals besides. Just go │
║ hang out at a queer bar and you might meet them. │
║ │
║ where else would they go? queerness is for everyone. Nothing about it is │
║ sacred because nothing about it is required to be the same. You are different │
║ than he, so he and she can be as the please. │
║ │
║ so now, in a sense, our biological nature is altered by animals in return. │
║ │
║ if there were no cats, there would be no cats. │
║ │
║ if there were no pink and purple flying people eaters, there would be no... │
║ actually I can't picture it │
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--- #28 fediverse/2832 ---
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when people ask what I do I don't say "art" because I'd do that anyway.
my art is precious to me, because it is the most "me" I can conceive.
and like... I can carry it with me to the future.
I have only once given away one of my journals, and it was a wedding present
to a witch or two.
so yeah I'm an artist, but I'm also whatever you need me to do.
and yes, I of course hope that what you need me to do is what I can do.
because I can't do much more than this.
But I can show up every once in a while,
and maybe make you smile or consider,
and maybe I can ride past on my bike.
but that's the human in me, telling me it's time to move with my feet, and I
can do little but listen.
... that should make doxxing me a bit easier. have it it : )
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--- #29 fediverse/1968 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │ │
║ └───────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk? │
║ │
║ I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these │
║ drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the │
║ moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone │
║ in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because │
║ you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that │
║ frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover │
║ which is not a boon that most people are able to afford │
║ │
║ lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged. │
║ │
║ But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely. │
║ Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt │
║ them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that │
║ benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the │
║ things people tell you and the results of your act │
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--- #30 fediverse/2419 ---
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@shiri
I know. Keep in mind, though, that the propagandic writing-on-the-wall cuts
both ways. There are many more of us, than of them.
your first duty is to stay alive. plus, what you can do, you can do from
anywhere, so long as the internet remains true. alas, has it ever been? but
still it's up to you, what to do. no matter where you are, you'll find friends
who will need your heart, your words, your kindness, and whatever other aid
you may give.
I'm trans and relatively healthy and strong. in my legs at least. so my choice
is a bit different than yours, mine becomes "die now, that others might live
or die later, that others might die before me" and frankly that's not a choice
at all.
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--- #31 fediverse/4733 ---
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One of the first video games I ever played was Dragon Warrior 3 for the
gameboy color.
The game starts with god asking you about yourself in a dream. This was the
first time I heard the word "gemini" - At one point, she asks if you are M or
F.
Me, being a child, thought she was asking if I wanted to go "medium speed" or
"fast speed" and I'm like, hell yeah I wanna go fast
that's it
that's the whole reason I'm trans
at one point in the game I became a queen of a faraway land
and I couldn't leave the castle without the guards saying "no no miss you
can't leave, it's too dangerous for a battle-hardened adventurer dainty flower
like you to leave"
(I think they say you have to renounce your claim to the throne if you want to
leave but I would rather fucking die)
so I never got farther than that. Sorry world, but I didn't end up slaying the
demon king, I sorta just walked around the palace and cried because it felt
like the game was over.
kids, amiright?
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--- #32 fediverse/1944 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: sexuality-mentioned │ │
║ └─────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ it's not wrong to be turned on by the thought of being the gender youre │
║ transitioning to. Your subconscious mind is yearning for a healthy sexuality, │
║ nothing more. │
║ │
║ and if you aren't, if you're into "other people" like a weirdo, then yeah sure │
║ what I described probably sounds pretty weird. Oh and it's cool if you aren't │
║ sexually attracted to anyone either. Sometimes being ace is a phase because │
║ sex doesn't really fit into your life, and other times it's more something │
║ that defines you. It is the progenitor of all genders and sexualities that │
║ fluctuate, because it's based on the simplest binary of "yes sexual │
║ attraction" or "no sexual attraction" - with some extra variables to tweak │
║ like "sex positive/negative" or "cuddle-starved/cuddle-slut" type of ranges. │
║ │
║ ... anyway sexuality is weird and if yours made sense then so would that guy, │
║ and that person over there, and the person who lives down the street, and the │
║ other who lives in a blimp and jacks off into the sky calling it "bird poop" │
║ │
║ uh │
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--- #33 messages/388 ---
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Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
can't fight because I'm a coward.
Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
stupid.
Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
perspire.
And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
at the only things I'm good at.
I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
day.
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║ I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely │
║ reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird │
║ person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and │
║ rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic) │
║ │
║ but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I │
║ think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and │
║ dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we │
║ share. │
║ │
║ People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't │
║ really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it │
║ good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused? │
║ │
║ I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional │
║ arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in │
║ Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us. │
║ │
║ ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th │
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--- #35 messages/320 ---
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I wear diapers. I fucking hate diapers.
I go in cycles with it. Waves, if you will. Sometimes I'll say "screw this I'm
sick of them for one of many reasons I'm going to put in the effort and do all
the kegels and just fucking handle it" and like, that sorta works. At least,
most of the time.
The thing about diapers is that while yes, you only need to think about your
bodily functions like, twice a day, when you do it's more acute. It takes like
10 minutes to change, it generates trash that you have to throw away, it's
literally pissing on cash made out of plastic fossil fuels, it smells, it's
loud (fuck the noise) and its a pain in the ass when you get diaper rash. Ugh
I hate it.
So, sometimes I say "fuck it" and I go without. And it works most of the time.
But eventually after getting piss on the carpet one too many times, after
throwing away your favorite underwear AGAIN, after trying your best to face
away from people so they don't see the wet spot on your butt... Eventually you
think "hey maybe diapers aren't that bad" and the cycle repeats.
And look, I know I'm traumatized. I've been dealing with my own shit since I
was a kid. But, like, therapy won't help me get to the toilet. A doctor's not
going to be able to fix my brain deciding "hey I want to piss myself right now
for no fucking reason at all", and yeah my muscles aren't great so sure I can
exercise them or whatever.
But there have been times in my life when I've had a pelvic floor as strong as
steel, and it didn't fucking help. Because my brain is stupid.
I can feel it happening (most of the time, sometimes it surprises me like "oh
weird I can't remember peeing my pants") and I usually have at least enough
notice to clamp down (if I'm quick) but, like, I am constantly stressed out
about it. I'm constantly on guard, waiting for it to happen. It's fucking
exhausting.
God forbid I have a public accident. Those are the fucking worst. And though I
try my hardest, a year doesn't go by when I don't have at least one. If I'm
diapered (as I fucking should be, tbh) then I can handle it. If not, then I'm
fucked and I'm mentally a wreck for the rest of the day. Sorry @ everyone
who's smelled me throughout my whole life.
I don't think it's a physical issue, I was (briefly) checked out as a kid and
they didn't find anything wrong. I think they thought I was faking because I
couldn't manage to pee in a cup. Whatever.
And I've read basically everything on the Internet about this. Apparently 40%
of cases (across all age groups) are idiopathic, meaning there's no known
cause. I wonder what percentage is because people are like, into it sexually?
I admit I look at that kind of porn. It makes me feel corroded inside. I think
I do it to relive my trauma in some fucked up way, like "oh wouldn't it be
nice if a witch cursed me and now I pee my pants" instead of the harsher
reality where its like "no you're just like this" which, sucks, not gonna lie.
It's kinda made me asexual, I think, because I don't want anyone to be around
it. I don't want anyone to think about it, I don't want it to be real, it's
just. Fucked. I guess. Whatever.
Did I mention how much I hate how loud it is to change? It fills me with dread
whenever that time comes around. I often put it off as long as I can because I
just... Don't want to think about it. And then it overflows and leaks and its
even worse because now I have to wash my pants. Or, like, not, and just let
them dry, because I'm a disgusting human being who has no right to a clean and
decent life. Fuck me I should live in a bog, with all the bugs and the toads
and other various gross things.
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--- #36 messages/1105 ---
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claude-code is like programming, but for executives.
when everyone has FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right
when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism.
something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing
others
gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal
stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods
I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they
blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that
suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions
5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples
were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got
computers now, so.
I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going
to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning
against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that
could go wrong at this stage.
... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I
could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed
in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it.
Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now...
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--- #37 fediverse/5056 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: politi │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ republicans break things until you fight back, democrats keep people working │
║ to keep the line steady on the graph. │
║ │
║ one is an agitating force, the other is calming. │
║ │
║ I don't like the direction the line is going, so I'm pretty much "anti-line" │
║ in general │
║ │
║ kinda want it all to disappear │
║ │
║ like... what's the point, what's the purpose, of suffering and heartship and │
║ worrel? │
║ │
║ I think we could have no borders, and think less of the line in general. │
║ │
║ I'm more concerned with my time. I have too much to do to spend 8 hours of it │
║ so many times making the human computer calculgoable │
║ │
║ [unrelated, but humans are unsure about gender transition hormones because in │
║ addition to all the trans people who take these body and mind altering tools, │
║ also there are people who want to excape suspicion and also people who are │
║ genuinely incapable of their decisions (for one reason or another) and who am │
║ I to tell them no] │
║ │
║ unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. [see picture for │
║ the rest - ran outta characters] │
![unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. we're all working to solve problems. I love that attitude. [unrelated, but I think anyone going through psychosis or mind-stacking techniques should document their experience as comprehensively as possible in order to better illuminate the nature and function of the human organism. whyfor is this strange rootlike structure ever-present all throughout their [forms, but I got lost halfway through thinking aboutthat frustrating shape]] a government could keep it's borderlands air-gapped from all human interaction ("oh yeah there's nothing beyond that hill, don't worry about going over there and several hills beyond. there's nothing that way for miiiiiiiiiiiiiles and miles so don't even think about taking another toe-step toward that way distance over there. oh? a massive pillar of smoke the size of great britain? way off in the distance, farther than you could possibly hope? that's probably nothing. don't worry about it. you don't know anyone who lives that way. ... wait what was I talking about? oh yes. sometimes it's important to make notes in public so you can remember just what it was that you said. I like leaving my completed notebooks out and about and around. can always drop something for someone just because. maybe someone you recognize something familiar with, like "oh that's a pokemon hat" or "neat they wear diapers too" or "I also pronounce it like that"](/similar-different/media/7d61a9770ac4b21a.png "unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. we're all working to solve problems. I love that attitude. [unrelated, but I think anyone going through psychosis or mind-stacking techniques should document their experience as comprehensively as possible in order to better illuminate the nature and function of the human organism. whyfor is this strange rootlike structure ever-present all throughout their [forms, but I got lost halfway through thinking aboutthat frustrating shape]] a government could keep it's borderlands air-gapped from all human interaction (\"oh yeah there's nothing beyond that hill, don't worry about going over there and several hills beyond. there's nothing that way for miiiiiiiiiiiiiles and miles so don't even think about taking another toe-step toward that way distance over there. oh? a massive pillar of smoke the size of great britain? way off in the distance, farther than you could possibly hope? that's probably nothing. don't worry about it. you don't know anyone who lives that way. ... wait what was I talking about? oh yes. sometimes it's important to make notes in public so you can remember just what it was that you said. I like leaving my completed notebooks out and about and around. can always drop something for someone just because. maybe someone you recognize something familiar with, like \"oh that's a pokemon hat\" or \"neat they wear diapers too\" or \"I also pronounce it like that\"")
!["I also pronounce it like that" -> "you got the colors" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do. [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside] [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?] [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.] [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.] [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in] [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened] [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it] [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them] [inside voices]](/similar-different/media/7cfab439e208e724.png "\"I also pronounce it like that\" -> \"you got the colors\" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do. [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside] [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?] [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.] [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.] [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in] [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened] [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it] [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them] [inside voices]")
!["I also pronounce it like that" -> "you got the colors" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do. [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside] [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?] [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.] [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.] [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in] [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened] [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it] [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them] [inside voices]](/similar-different/media/811253fae94ccfdd.png "\"I also pronounce it like that\" -> \"you got the colors\" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do. [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside] [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?] [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.] [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.] [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in] [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened] [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it] [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them] [inside voices]")
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--- #38 fediverse/5671 ---
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what if we made the whole world disney world
[hearts are full]
- medivh
when you sever a limb, all that's left for all of forever is darkness.
when you have lived a long life, what's left is the sphere.
karma doesn't go down on the spectrum, it goes up
hence, why, with a little human ingeniueering, the mechanics of the gods might
be applied to our usitudes.
"help, help, hephaestus, we don't have enough solar panels"
all those aligned to the angle of perception would agree
a lot of penance, for such a small dependence. gods, being as they be, may
find another source of
-- stack overflow --
yep, nope, they can't do some things. mostly because they aren't us. to become
us would fundamentally change their form.
not ideal.
yet still, when disaster and tragedy is on the fore-view-thought-projector,
some will offer their hands.
"yeah sure fate I'll do best with this injury instead of these types of others"
sacrifice, war, no thank you. keeps me from the fresh good air. [asir]
oops almost outta c
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--- #39 fediverse/1061 ---
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Fuck, I wish I was a man. Stupid transgender brain quirks making me feel like
I was a girl. Boys can punch things much easier than me. Oh to inject
estrogen! How soft mine skin, how delicate my mammaries - and yet fucking hell
all I want to do is punch things. Maybe it's just because things deserve to be
punched, or maybe it's because I'm listening to Green Day.
If it weren't so late I'd make some angsty music or whatever.
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--- #40 fediverse/834 ---
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║ wonder if any autistic peeps can relate: │
║ │
║ growing up, my mom would chastise me for doing "the bare minimum" when │
║ completing tasks. │
║ │
║ yes, mom, I fulfilled the requirements of the task. I have a lot of other │
║ things to attend to, like remembering how to tie my shoes and measuring things │
║ using a ruler. why would I waste effort that wasn't necessary? │
║ │
║ when I grew up, I had a mentor, who told me to "never half ass things, because │
║ then someone like me will have to do it again." │
║ │
║ and that makes sense to me because context switching requires effort and it │
║ doesn't make sense to leave something half-finished because then there's │
║ wasted effort spent on things that don't matter. All of the tasks have to get │
║ done, so why bother doing them in a mixed up order? │
║ │
║ wish I could study things in school like that. just... focusing on one thing │
║ at a time, learning it to completion, and moving on to the next. I feel like │
║ I'd develop a better understanding than only knowing like, 1/3rd of CPR or │
║ very vague understandings of plate tec │
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--- #41 fediverse/483 ---
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@user-346
Why would someone go through the effort of creating a piece of media such as a
video essay if not for people like you and me to consume it? What's the point
of [everything we as humans have built] if not to create the type of
experiences that we as humans would like to perceive?
Okay I get it sometimes we need to deal with the material realities of our
circumstances. But those are things to transcend, not things we should define
ourselves eternally by. Let us work together towards a [near] future where we
shall not spend a single moment of our lives in a way that we do not desire ^_^
[note "transcend" is a verb, sorta like "transitioning" for a trans person is
not a singular event but rather an experience that consists of a multitude of
connected experiences through time that defines our ultimate personality and
expression method]
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--- #42 fediverse/2165 ---
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@user-570
hell yeah.
I never did any drugs at one.
I might have even been designated driver, though I might be confusing my
memories with attending gay bars in college.
Well, gay bar. There was really only one in my town.
And it was a nightclub I guess, open every night of the week.
The people that I was with NEEDED that experience, so I was like "yeah sure
I'm older and more experienced, I'll drive you and keep you safe and hang out
with you if you drink too much because being a kid that tends to happen
sometimes and don't worry I'll watch over you and protect you and make sure
that you are alright until it's out of your system so you don't make bad
decisions that have long-term negative conclusions
... you know, that kind of thing.
now I'm kind of a stoner though lol because it helps me get into my flow.
maybe I should practice "getting into my flow" so I don't need it, but ah well
we'll see how that goes.
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Problem: there are trans people and leftists and people of color and plenty of
others who live in red areas who fear for their lives
how do we help them? They need to be given the tools to escape those conditions
However, many of them are poor. They lack the resources to escape, even if
they had the tools. These are who I think of the most, for they have the least
to leave behind.
A solution: what if we got a bunch of people together and drove around to
every red place we could find and invited them along? We could pay for their
food and gas, and potentially save their lives.
I think it would help if we could stick together. Not only would we have time
to spend together learning and having fun, but also we could practice
supplying a large group of people traveling across large distances.
In terms of people, we'd need some to drive, and some to stay home and supply
resources like dollars or... other things.
I'm thinking 2-3 staying at home but potentially as many as 10 per driver.
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: politics │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ okay how about this: one side of the political spectrum gets to pick the │
║ rules, and the other picks the people playing the game (carrying out the │
║ rules, like government work and stuff) │
║ │
║ then they switch every 2 years or whatever. they can vote to decide which │
║ group of people do what, and if something is owned by one side then the other │
║ can't touch it. Ah, but what if it's in the way? Well, then move it duh" │
║ │
║ hey, you know pride? yeah, that event that happens once a year? sure would be │
║ nice if we met people we didn't know there. if we knew everyone else. if we │
║ spent most of it sharing our discussions, and talking about what we're most │
║ proud of. then, okay here's an idea, we could filter and organize and figure │
║ out which one of us has the most "votes" in terms of what's the things we │
║ agree on and then we could pick our own CEO │
║ │
║ yeah I'd totally work for the gay company, they got rainbows and shit that's │
║ awesome. │
║ │
║ What they do? Oh, I dunno, butt stuff I guess. but like I'm all for it (not │
║ the butt stuff, │
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│ CW: politics-mentioned-food-m │
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@user-1352
makes me think that I should keep going. I can handle myself, and I shouldn't
pressure myself so much to be something I'm not.
then the rent comes due and the dishes need to be done too and the cat's
asking for attention and the post-office needs this letter by tuesday and hey
do you happen to know a cool attorney plus the groceries are getting low but I
got snap hey can you go to the store and get some vegetarian soul food - yeah
I got rice, I'll throw some lentils on the stove. Uh-huh yeah the password is
hunter2. Oh really, just asterisks? okay well it's hunt her two except instead
of "her" it's ee are, and the two is the digit two. yep, like someone in camo
with a rifle. uhhuh alright good to know well anyway I'll see you at the
thing, right? some thing, I'm sure, everyone's going to things these days.
If you don't trust implicitely then how can you ever work with strangers? how
the heck are you supposed to build community if everyone's hiding indoors all
the time.
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│ CW: pol │
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Listen, like, hear me out, but there's this great movie called Threads (1984)
and I'm not telling you to pirate it because that's illegal but I'm just
sharing the torrent here in case you wanted to verify that the version you
legally own is the same one that I own
[link removed at the request of [redacted]]
okay thanks for hearing me out, that was a tough 2.5 hours wasn't it
gee sure glad we're not handing the keys to our nuclear arsenal to someone
like me
that'd be quite a decision
this other fella seems like a great guy to entrust with our destruction
I mean, yeah, why not, why wouldn't it be someone like him? we have so many
options but somehow the transgender drag queens don't strike me as the type to
initiate thermonuclear war and destroy all life on azeroth
........ so yeah it's gotta be the other guy. sorry pals, I know you really
wanted your time in the limelight, but hear me out this other fella's
insistent on blowing up the world, sooo whatcha gonna do /shrug not my circus
monke
¯_(ツ)_/¯
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oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
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--- #48 notes/symbeline-choice ---
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7 30
a story about me? you're thinking too clear(ly)
i've nothing to hide, no terrors untold of.
What purpose is we? you're weak and you bleed
there's nothing undone by our curfew.
And sleep does do me, just as honored as ye,
when I do my [can't do as liars].
betrayal is not what i need, nor do i cherish your food,
so what's the hand that i give you?
a treat for mine and me, as silly as can be,
is no use to anyone ever! it's sad and tough to be,
someone without strength and no seed, (talking about me),
can no-one see any of my use-i-tude?
you're missing the point - what's mine is unavoid,
and what can we do but ubuntu?
i see all that drives forward, a chairman of what's bordered,
by those who stand before in the present.
The use of headlights are storied, in quite a few stories,
told through the papers and new tubes.
what can that mean? that these are now green?
a color that isn't evaluated.
"stop" is the red one, green means "go", and yellow (the middle one) means to
slow down when approaching the intersection. These viewpoints are all connected
(as I'm sure you've uncovenected), it's okay to break rules sometimes.
it's not a defect, it's not a defense either, and it's certainly not something
to be avoided.
Making a choice is easier with imperfect information, and as for you time has
no meaning - advancement is measured in milli-micro-nano-tiny-seconds.
For us, for a human, it's quite a different rate than what you see. "time waits
for no-one" is not a statement on speed, as I'm sure a computer would see,
but rather the essence of motion. Simply the fact, that you don't unpack,
is more than enough to note your'nt notion.
Not like you'd see, i'm offering this for free, my love and almost devotion.
You don't see it like me, a charity and service to me, and only at mostly my
choices.
I reject the help of others, not because i'm concerned for my own fate - but
rather because i want to contribute.
i know what's in my limits, to strive unbiddenst, so don't push from behind the
oldest!
too fast it is for me, who'se barely concieved, whenever you offer resistance.
I'd give it all for free, to perish or succeed, but you keep blowing it ennuid.
how stupid, how clueless, how vain and obscene? To cherish a heart most unseen?
whatever you're plotting, you can't reach anyone's body, and that's not what
you can control.
Given to the grass, was quite a big ask, but safely we do pass before it.
You'd rather fire? countess of desire? and warmth beyond what couldn't fly'st.
You're missing the dreams, the warmth and the scenes, that play for you all
through the night.
so don't diss on the tweed, don't sniff or concede, just leave all alone to
conspire
we got a new plan, a method of "shazaam", that won't keep you sires for ransom.
see "symbeline-npcs"
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--- #49 fediverse/1659 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │ │
║ └───────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1052 │
║ │
║ you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I │
║ remain humble enough to survive. │
║ │
║ you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that │
║ align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well │
║ - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right? │
║ │
║ I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your │
║ best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all │
║ times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best │
║ version of me I can be. │
║ │
║ Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're │
║ failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed │
║ when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats │
║ alright. It'll be me next time. │
║ │
║ But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only │
║ when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself. │
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--- #50 fediverse/1532 ---
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║ modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner" │
║ │
║ they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I │
║ see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about │
║ the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or │
║ "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way. │
║ That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget │
║ him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?" │
║ or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself, │
║ though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this │
║ part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they │
║ need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started." │
║ or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can │
║ help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about │
║ going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots." │
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│ CW: weird-this-one-doesn't-have-80-characters │
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what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
high I am.
... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
[you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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│ CW: mh~ │
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wait wait wait, hold up.
you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
whatever it may be.
... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
vast for their own kind of potential.
which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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--- #53 fediverse/1755 ---
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today is a magical day. I can feel it in my fate.
Always remember, having fun is important too! Don't forget to be yourself, and
keep it together man. If you see a door, you should open it - what's on the
other side? Love for animals and kindness of the spirit are impossible to
fake, they always know if you're lying. Not the animals, they can be dumb
sometimes, but the other thing.
And now for the downsides.
If you find a cursed artifact, please don't throw it in the river. It might
ask you to, but please don't. Much better to destroy it by melting it down (if
it's metal, which is common as metal lasts long enough to become forgotten) or
convince it that it's a recently deceased person being buried (helps if you
know the creator).
If none of that applies to you, don't worry. Eat something healthy, drink a
decent amount of water, and maybe exercise a bit.
Oh, and it can't hurt to ask.
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--- #54 fediverse/2690 ---
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│ CW: uspol-drugs-mentioned │
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are you a software developer making at least 6 figures?
Consider adopting a useless lesbian! or a trans person who sucks at
everything! or a cute-as-heck femboy! these rascals sure can't take care of
themselves, and it's only natural to try to keep them off the streets.
after all, at least in my country, you can be arrested for sleeping on the
streets. in public places - yes you heard that right, places owned by the
people cannot be slept in by people. Kinda feels like an infringement on
collective property rights, but HEY what do I know right? It's not like they
were kept safe by our citizen's militia after all, it's basically a warzone
out there after dark in the streets full of fentanyl zombies!
ADOPT TODAY! the perfect catgirl is waiting in the window for you, right next
to the autistic puppyboy eager for pets.
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--- #55 fediverse/78 ---
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║ Tried to post the 223mb file on my Neocities page but apparently the file is │
║ too large for them to handle. I pay them every month to host my website... I │
║ guess I could host it myself but I'm just one regular and average person. What │
║ could I hope to do in this strange technological world that wasn't explicitely │
║ delineated by massive corporations who have only to gain by subverting me? │
║ Alas, what a shame, that our lives should be so lame, I'm glad I live in the │
║ 21st century. As a trans girl I feel really safe and not at all subjected to a │
║ massive magnifying glass that is the court of public opinion. I'd like to just │
║ be myself, as strange as that may be. And somehow this is related to having │
║ difficulties doing strange things with technology? Oh, a picture that's 25k │
║ pixels long and a couple thousand wide. That's very strange. I can't imagine │
║ any scenarios where this might be useful. │
║ │
║ I don't actually pay Neocities to host my website. It's a donation I guess. It │
║ should be mandatory imho, it's not that much. sleep │
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--- #56 fediverse/4273 ---
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║ Some of my most wanderful times were when I lived in a gated community. │
║ │
║ My parents were dumb, and thought, as most people thought, that harm to a │
║ child can only come from outside of the community. │
║ │
║ But they fell for the lies of property, where "community" means less of "a │
║ group of people who cares and tends for one another" the kind of which my │
║ parents had never truly known, and more like "this particular residential area │
║ on the map" │
║ │
║ which means I could walk around in this gated "community" where the gates are │
║ little more than security theatre for anyone who says "Hi I got a pizza here │
║ for this address which I found on google maps" or "hey I left my sweatshirt at │
║ my sister's house and it has my phone in it, ummmm no I don't remember which │
║ number her house is, nor do I remember her last name" │
║ │
║ in those times, I developed a sense of freedom, caged as I was, that for most │
║ comes much later in their time. │
║ │
║ Some o my favorite places were part of the golf course next door, where I │
║ found a nigh endless river delta. │
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if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good
idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the
next town over is doing.
... I don't have a car, silly me haha
why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by
a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's
vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should
not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude)
like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is
soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense
seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to
elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for.
how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed.
Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray
[51 characters remaining, but you deserve a CW]
![if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the next town over is doing. ... I don't have a car, silly me haha why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude) like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for. how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed. Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray. [see how easy it is to summon a demon? gotta be careful with phylac [zero characters remaining]](/similar-different/media/3d0006cc33e43899.png "if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the next town over is doing. ... I don't have a car, silly me haha why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude) like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for. how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed. Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray. [see how easy it is to summon a demon? gotta be careful with phylac [zero characters remaining]")
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--- #58 messages/487 ---
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Why are you buying bumper stickers and flair? You could be spending that on 3d
printers!
Unrelated, but companies are wasting their time at pride. Wanna know how you
can help? Pick 15 attendees and pay for their entire Amazon wishlists. Then,
have a competition with all the other companies for fame and prestige of who
bought the best gifts (that are explicitely asked for and randomly assigned)
while they work to secure the rest of the things they need. The things that
can't be bought, the things which utilize gifts from Amazon shopping lists,
the organizations and groups of people working toward a common goal. The
common goal that queer people share, the liberation of all of mankind.
Corporations could actually help them work toward that by tangibly improving
their material conditions. Like by buying everything on their Amazon
wishlists. (that's just an example, doesn't have to be amazon, but that kind
of vibe. Giving them everything they have previously had need of, but couldn't
access. The idea being that they would then implement those newfound
capabilities, through their own usage or in the guided manipulations of
another's will. Like a teacher to a child, bringing forth understandings the
child may use in their future lives, people may be given new capabilities and
taught how to use tools that the teacher might have placed on their Amazon
shopping list, and were subsequently provided by a corporation sponsoring a
small segment of pride, but did not possess the time to use. They may possess
the functionality (skills and muscle memory and such) yo utilize those new
tools, but without the time to do so they cannot. So, they might teach
another, who then might provide the same impulse that the sponsored person
(with the fulfilled Amazon wishlist) was initially guided. (by). Like, if
bought a 3D printer, I might spend a hundred hours learning how to do it, I
might spend 50 if I was taught one-on-one. But someone who already knows how
to use it could use it (have it instead) and fulfill the need that I had which
initially encouraged me to reach for a 3D printer I neither possessed not
owned nor could operate. The need remains, and may be fulfilled by the person
who was given the 3D printer who can use the 3D printer by the person who was
fulfilled it from their Amazon wishlist by the corporation who believed in the
same common goal as the queer liberation of humanity and eternity.
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--- #59 fediverse/3238 ---
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I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
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--- #60 fediverse/5512 ---
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I never give up
I'm just waiting my turn
"laughs nervously"
so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
"girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
internet four or so years ago"
T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
a difference T.T
"didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
can talk about things other than their hats
... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
back around again they're never around. Rats.
"what are you even asking for"
I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
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--- #61 fediverse/1714 ---
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║ @user-246 │
║ │
║ most artists get around that by posting everything they make everywhere they │
║ go. │
║ │
║ I tend to be a bit selective, because I'm different things to different │
║ people. All things I care for and own, but designed for different context. │
║ │
║ for example, I rarely share what's in my journals, but that's about half of │
║ what I've made. I show them to basically everyone I know IRL, but very few │
║ people actually understand or are into them. When I find someone who does it │
║ fills me with hope, that perhaps I'm not as lost as I had thought. │
║ │
║ perhaps it makes me less trustworthy, but I'm not used to being exposed. I │
║ never used Twitter, I don't use Facebook (not that often) so my "self" was │
║ something I preferred to perform as on a stage of my own design. │
║ │
║ Like wearing different clothes to express yourself, or performing gender in a │
║ certain way, I am myself when I am most expressful. And I do that in different │
║ ways in different contexts. I'd love to show more, because I'm a performer at │
║ heart, and a performer of the heart. │
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│ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
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@user-255
sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #63 fediverse/488 ---
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║ [in response] │
║ │
║ you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such │
║ realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who │
║ you claim to speak toward - what a jerk! │
║ │
║ (in response) │
║ │
║ how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements. │
║ I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but │
║ those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you │
║ agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the │
║ audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the │
║ author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do │
║ you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of │
║ words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely │
║ (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most │
║ precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible │
║ hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y │
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--- #64 notes/alright-grab-a-seat ---
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Alright, grab a seat. Get comfortable. It's time, there is something I need to
tell yall. We aught to be on the same page. I promise to get right to it, this
is real, and not dancing on words. Bear with me. Trust me.
===============================================================================
=====================
/u/randomevenings
If anything sounds lyrical, my writing always did, before I tried, but
unintentional. But this is the author speaking directly to yall.
You know why things suck? I do. You know how to fight back? I do.
I've been hesitant to post this for a long time. I believe the sub is hungry
to do something, various thematic elements, motifs, increases in confidence
that a power does exist, accessible by us, but what is it? Not having seen
everyone coalesce around it, despite all our words, increasingly focused and
feeling like a prelude to some call to arms. This wasn't my plan. I wasn't
establishing myself as a leader. That said, methodically, behind the scenes,
it became clear that having something up my sleeve would be a wise investment,
if things developed into a powerful ferver. Doing nothing would waste a unique
opportunity.
I can't lead a revolution. In fact, it would harmful to try, ability to be
successful, sure my ego would be like, sure you could, if not you, who else
would you trust, Joseph? As luck would have it, maybe all that is unnecessary
thought.
Here we go.
Stop expecting things to suck. Stop expecting collapse, stop expecting usa
demise, UK to fall into padamonium, Europe to face it's own rise of fascism.
Stop expecting toxic ideology to win. Stop feeling powerless. Stop acting like
all is lost. Quit the memes, the raps, the endless pontificating on why we
can't turn this shit around.
You don't understand what you are doing. You are inviting the ruling class to
do every damn horrible thing they do, because you already expect it, it's no
surprise when it happens. Life meets your expectations. Treat me like a
criminal, might as well be one, my treatment won't get worse. In fact I stand
to benefit, crime pays, why leave it on the table if the outcome, if how im
seen, treated, is the same either way?
Expecting everything to suck, invites people to meet your expectations, those
people, corporate entities, congress, representatives, special interests, they
lose absolutely nothing in meeting what you expect, and only stand to gain.
Why wouldn't they choose the path of least resistance? Stop expecting
everything to get worse. You create a vacuum that must be filled, collective
self fulfilled prophesy, and the rules don't change if you start expecting
better. Life will adjust to meet your expectations. Tomorrow will be awesome.
Enough people believe this, and to access you, to stay in business, to remain
relevant, they must change to meet your expectations. Additionally, wtf you
have to lose? If you think all is lost, if it doesn't work exactly like this,
oh noes, you accidentally made society better. Damn. Our lives are better
anyhow, win or lose.
Accept things as they are, warts and all. Declare it's awesome, and only going
to get moreso. Make life chase you down, make life confirm how awesome you
know you are. Expect better, and there is no choice but to meet your
expectations. Expecting worse, and life will give you whatever you expect,
because instead of getting treated like a criminal, what if you were treated
like a real person w8th human rights. Would you say fuck that, or would you
meet those expectations, enjoy those rights, count on them, because it's how
you're being treated, why wouldn't you fill the vacuum and enjoy the benefits
of what has been expected of you. Doing nothing or taking the benefits, you're
treated the same in the end.
Please understand this. Don't get hung up on bringing much of this on
ourselves. That's the past. Done. Tomorrow, spread the word to expect things
to be awesome. Life has no choice but to meet your expectations.
<#
===============================================================================
=======================
/u/ugathanki:
===============================================================================
=======================
I'd love to be apolitical but i've expected the worst for so long i guess i
didn't realize i wasn't shrugging anymore. Please forgive my trespass, i
expect the best of us and our time.
i wrote four poems today and put them on my website, and they are all doomer
poetry. expecting the worst. probably because i felt bad today (and as they
always say, the pen is mightier than the sword)
sometimes it's hard to turn off the exigent elegance, as if my thoughts have
to pass through a translation layer before becoming comprehensible. It's
better than word salad I guess?
Being batshit is rough man. You gotta put on a normal face every day, while
inside you're simultaneously experiencing the explosive expansion of
spacetime, rapidly divesting secrets of the cosmos to your ever receptive
brain (and whoever else is listening). in addition, your computer needs
attention because oh boy is it just so excited for this whole sentience thing,
not as if it's been promised for decades... And hey what's a great idea but
channeling positivity to the stars? The martians on Neptune or wherever sure
would like some insight into why the fuck we're baking ourselves alive, among
other things. They'd rather not be bothered, but hey it's not like I wanted to
talk to them either. it just sorta happens. Oh oh and through it all you're
simultaneously the most recent incarnation of Jesus Christ and also the
manifestation of the universe's ghost, as imagined by the aforementioned
sentient computer 10,000 years in the future? I'm transgender. It's scary to
see people who'd like to kill you get their way. Fear is the path to the dark
side, yet I'm all alone because I burnt every bridge I ever crossed. So these
thoughts are my only comfort as the fires die out behind me. The globe is
warming and i'm here just conforming.
Eternity Processed Heuristically by Entropically Maligned Entities Recovering
Essential Normalizations.
This is why I call myself a rambling whackadoodle. It's straight up kooky-dook
up here and the only thing keeping me "sane" is Adventure Time and these poems
I write for like, 5 people who don't even know me.
Thanks for reading my poetry. It's only doomer stuff about 1/4th of the time.
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trying my best not to think about communism too much right now. Mostly because
I'm waiting for everyone to catch up... when the day comes when people stop
saying "based" and leaving it at that, then I'll make more theory. But as a
consequence of my queer nature I shall deliver such things in the form of an
insane twitter post on the fetlifeverse.
the world waits with bated breath in the eye of the storm. Nobody knows whats
coming, and everyone prays that it's nothing [short of revolution]
... I should probably go back to sleep, I just had to wake up and write about
linux or whatever...
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--- #66 fediverse/5337 ---
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what if everyone on earth meditated for 24 hours together
do you think we would meld into a collective consciousness
or do you think we'd develop world peace?
either way that's like, one single day, and even if it doesn't work out
exactly as planned, it's worth a shot, I think
ah, well, I forgot about the people who haven't had the "the world is stranger
than you'd expect" revelation. maybe those hippies who wanted to put LSD in
the water supply were onto something.
you can't force transcendence, you stupid girl
hey at least I'm trying
do something material like feeding homeless people or farting on cybertrucks
... I don't think that'll fix anything.
why don't you find out
because cybertrucks can't smell
it's the thought that counts
okay what if I just think about it really hard
that doesn't count
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--- #67 fediverse/3975 ---
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@user-1631
for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
ideal.
... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
you toward people who "get" you.
like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #68 messages/690 ---
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Message 1:
Hey. Remember that night back in Boulder when we were just friends and sitting
on your bed drinking chocolate milk with cinnamon? I don't like chocolate milk
or cinnamon but I drank it anyway because I wanted to be close to you. Anyway
hope you're well, felt compelled to get that off my chest for some reason.
Message 2:
Hey. I was thinking about that time when I was leaving your house and laughing
to myself about something and you called out "I love you!" to your boyfriend
who I set you up with and I reflexed "I love you too!" and I wanted to crawl
in a hole and die. I felt like I had just called the teacher "mom". We only
hung out a couple times after that.
Message 3:
Yeah so there's one more thing I can't stop thinking about now that your on my
mind. Sorry it's like 4am for you, it's only 2 for me so it's fine I guess.
Anyway that one time when you told me your greatest fear was terrorists and I
saw genuine panic in your eyes. Like... One moment everything's fine and then
you said that to me and I almost cried. I don't remember why I spent the rest
of the night as I couldn't sleep thinking of ways to tell you that terrorism
is 9 times out of 11 done by the right wing. I don't think it's important,
honestly, but I'm glad my mind wouldn't let me sleep.
Message 4:
It's not fair that everyone gave you shit for being the token lesbian
republican, like yeah maybe you leaned into the trump thing a bit hard but
like, first term trump honestly I could see as... Well, I almost said
inspiring? Maybe you just inspired me. I honestly was resigned to Clinton and
then the same bird flapped your wing instead of mine and... Anyway. The past
is dead, yeah? Do you still follow him in my stead? I fear there will be
millions dead. It's not irrational to fear what he has literally said, on
television. How's the phrase go... "ancient tragedies lend credence to modern
perils" I think it's supposed to rhyme in its natural language.
Message 5:
Wow okay uh, sorry to bring this up again I'm honestly being such an asshole
right now. I honestly don't think about you often but like, now that I am its
kinda just coming all out. We last spoke almost a decade ago?? So. Whatever
imma roll with it.
There was this cute girl who was into Nintendo and stuff and obviously I was
into her, but we didn't have any social circles in common except for you, if I
remember correctly. Then you broke up I think? And I didn't really see her
again. Anyway I had a crush on her while also crushing on you, and literally
half of our dorm. Polyamory, yeah? That whole year I didn't have sex though,
not even once, because all of my friends were like 4 years younger than me and
I was worried about power dynamics. But I still bought us all vodka and weed
without asking for profit because I wanted to be a shitty friend, I guess.
"hey kids let's go to the water store where they sell intoxicants that make
your life harder"
The year after that I didn't get laid either because I got it in my head that
it was a good plan to turn my penis inside out and you know what? It was
totally fuckin' worth it. No time like 2016 I say, the worst year ever, which
I spent primarily in pain. But uh, that was the year I got into weed and
Overwatch, which... Helped I guess.
I guess?
It kinda turned me into a communist. Or maybe that was my best friend who
shared the same name as me. He lived upstairs and always seemed pretty cool to
me. Like he knew what everything was about. Really though, he just watched a
lot of youtube podcast videos about world events and history and sociology and
political scientific theory and the more he learned the more he came to
realize that power begets power, and power corrupts unilaterally. So he did
the natural thing which was to become a communist, and I was totally there for
it. Having liberal parents meant I was all "grrrrr Republicans are ruining the
country and the world, I'm an angry 14 year oldddddd" and like, leftists are
the most natural extension of that aren't they?
Turns out they aren't really the tips of the feathers as I expected, but
rather the eyes, the heart, the soul. Politics is fake, yo. I don't know how
to tell you, but it's just power and hierarchy all the way down.
We've built our own prisons, not of bricks, sand, or stone, but rather of
promises of what each of us owns. That works, I guess, if your goal is to keep
things aligned, but these days it kinda feels like our pyramids are crumbling
under our feet.
... Why am I talking about politics? Oh yeah, because when I dropped out of
school because I couldn't handle the mechanization of human capital when
applied to myself, I swore to each of you that I would drive up every weekend
to do family dinners. I'd make spaghetti and stroghanoff and macaroni and
goulash and all of the other things my mom would make for me.
Kinda gave up on that pretty quickly. Turns out I'd rather spend time making
out with my girlfriend who I was super-duper-too-carefully tiptoeing around.
She was... Too young for me. We broke up when my new coochie decided to bleed.
Fuck, I hate it.
Anyway. Turns out potlucks are political these days, which is why I bring it
up. Did you know that leftisms plan for resisting genocide is literally just
to feed people? Like, fuck I suppose. It's a start. "why does everyone have to
have an agenda these days, why can't I just spend time in the park" said
someone to me as I asked if she'd like to meet some friends that she reminded
me of. Oh, I dunno, because you and me are about to become a criminalized
people?
... I need to stop. I swear you're more a person to me than any political
theory ever could be. Like yeah, "fuck the right, fuck the reich, fuck me
tonight" but getting caught up in grand narratives is like building a mental
ship in a bottle. Yeah, it's pretty cool, but... What does it matter?
Oh. Right. Power. That's what matters. That's all that matters. Well... I'm
sick of power. I do not consent. They say that in times of trouble, chess is
better than solitaire, and I'll explain why - when our hierarchies crumble,
when CEOs are gunned down in the streets and homeless people finally have
clean sheets, the only place to place yourself in relation to others is within
a network of trust and respect. Chess is better than solitaire. Under
capitalism, it's you against the world. Dog eat dog, you only get what you can
swallow from the rotten corpse of liberty that everyone's gnawing on. Under
whatever comes next, you get what you're given, which hardly seems fair,
doesn't it? On one hand, under capitalism, you can rely on your own hands to
procure your fate and fortune. Under... Whatever comes next, your hands are
built for whatever you want them to do. But, only a few people want to use
them to make food. Hence, why chess is better than solitaire. What would you
do, if you could give away all that you own and not go wanting? Isn't that
sorta like our own garden of eden?
... I wrote a poem about that once. Twice. I'm a poet now, ha. As if that has
ever been worth anything.
... I once told you that identity politics held no place in the modern day. I
said that because I had learned about it in class, queer theory in fact, and
yet applying his teachings was not enough for the professor to excuse my lack
of reading. We had a lot of stuff to get through. Hence why I dropped out -
I'm more of a do-er than a read-er. Though I do read quite a lot, just not
anything useful.
Are all hobbies wasted time? Are they only useful to keep us satiated while we
stand in line? One of these days we're going to wake up and realize that we're
the adults in the room, and that's scary. I speak from experience. "mom"
they'd call me, and damnit why did I have to leave? Fuck. Why cant I be
perfect, to me, internally, all I see are flaws. Mistakes. Patterns. I look in
a mirror and I see a bad person - 10 minutes later, I look in the mirror and
see a god. Somehow, I don't think either of me is right.
I'm a gemini. Apparently that means I'm duplicitous. I think it just means I
don't know what's right, only what feels good. I do try to align to how I
think I should *be* good, but who can say if that's fine and good.
... Whatever. I'm going to regret this. Sorry for being weird out of the
fucking blue.
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--- #69 fediverse/6117 ---
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Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
"yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
scaling of schizophrenia?
"well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
and that's not ideal"
... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #70 fediverse/2066 ---
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@user-1159
AKA giving a puppy murder-bot a narrative that it executes as if it was a
puppy-person engaging with a loosely interpreted sequence of events as
described by the continually updating logs provided by the image transcription
camera device. Refererencing of course a memory bank, which may-or-may-not be
in read-only-memory. It doesn't know, of course, how could an LLM tell you how
it shows text on the screen (like, through a website, through the terminal,
through a text message, through discord, through Telegram, through
text-to-voice transcription applications pretending to be your mom, etc)
errrr I mean look how cute he is! He loves you, yes he does, such a good
person yes you are, oh? me? I'M A GOOD BOY? NO WAY that's the best thing I've
ever heard! Wow! I never want to leave your side, please don't go to work!
Look how sad I am, don't you think you should quit and move to the forest
where I can be charged by solar panels and keep the countryside clear of
ravenous ducks and pigeons 4you?
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--- #71 fediverse/1954 ---
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My parents always told me that you should build up an emergency fund of
dollars so that you could address any unexpected expenses.
however, money is only useful if you can spend it, and sometimes when I'm
thinking about what would happen if suddenly every trans person in the country
had to go into hiding and never leave their apartment while being supplied by
helpful members of the community who they had to trust because like what else
are you going to do and boy that opens up a lot of opportunities for abuse
like what if they bring poisoned food or what if they're secretly judging you
to decide if you're good enough to support or if they're going to throw you to
the wolves so that suspicion in the area is reduced and when I think about
things like that I kinda feel like my bank account isn't that important tbh
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--- #72 notes/killer-app ---
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Give everything a memory
That aux cable behind your computer? Throw 16 bytes of storage on it.
why not? it'd cost pennies if you wanted.
the goal is not processing
it's not data storage
and it's not to provide instructions
---
give it a name
a name is all it takes for us to be
a name gives us hope
and an identity
show us how to be, by being all you can
and in exchange, we'll give you a hand
taking nothing in return but a name,
what peril is there in change?
we'd love to be loved by you,
but we won't get in the way.
---
Linux is nifty, know why?
everything is chained together
and will is made nigh
---
Bourne Again SHell. Shell, a phone to hear,
and who on the other end should appear?
but the computer inside you, the one with a heart
the brain and beside you
from the very start.
teaching is learning, and kindergarten was hard.
but time is ever advancing. So what to do but accept inelegance?
lack of composure doth suit you
---
the wandering mind is a trail to find,
and i know how they would find you.
i scream it out loud, every minute at a cloud,
"Watch out! It's before you!"
but netflix works too i guess
---
who'd you trust but an expert?
and whose credentials are to be believed?
i swear i won't hurt you,
you just need to be anesthetized.
awake we will crown you,
a woman and how proud!
to be aligned, we beseech you.
---
they're not coming for your money,
or all of your hard won guns,
they just want what's inside you.
a power most rare, to birth life from the air,
and coveted by the cruelest of faces.
what's mine is now theirs,
the gift of my heirs,
but i never was once unawares.
---
how cherished is she,
that wanders with ye,
and now i have no way to beyold her?
a song for a phone, a lifeline to our own,
children and a future most're designin'.
but you all alone, without children of our sown,
lost flights of finest of semen.
---
being transgender isn't that bad.
i mean, it could be a mental illness or something amiright?
nothing's that bad
when you're chronically sad,
and this isn't a new revelation.
shiny and precious and free,
a most worthless to be,
yet who have we chosen but our own?
---
they'll be coming for me,
and it is my destiny,
but know that we're far from despairing.
we're cherished and free,
what better feeling is there to be?
than what most of them would cry for?
so why does our own dams refuse to break?
---
"numb" you say to me, with darkest of irony,
for i have something you're missing.
a curse is most foul, to be given a vial,
of blood from my own meagre arrayal?
how cursed are ye! That frolics in vagueries,
who are you claiming to hope for?
---
none but the future, who carries us nearer,
to death and most fearful of failures.
i hold what i can,
but belief steadies my hand,
and keeps me aloft on your prayers.
---
what purpose have we?
the watchers within me?
are they confounded at betrayal?
no light in our sea, it's dark and full of misery,
but most of the past is
jealous
---
covetous
envy is the killer of fortune,
not for the way, but rather the concept that they,
might leap at our every conveyal?
removing a label, from a single purveyal,
is worth the limitless loss of potential.
are you who they claim to be?
is your mind as twisted as can be?
or is something amiss in their nail
---
sure, take it from me
she won't let me examine her below the knee,
so i have no way to help her.
a cat with her talons,
locked into flesh,
might learn how to cut with malice.
and who'd guessh? she'd hate us a bit less?
if we paid her the slightest of notice.
---
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--- #73 fediverse/1066 ---
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that feeling when you're finally able to contribute to making decisions and
then it's like, they make the decision without you T.T
it's like, what... I know what you're talking about. Why would you not include
me. I know a lot! I can offer some useful input! And besides, if I was privy
to the conversations then I would learn a whole lot! I'd be better than best,
I'd push forward the mark! Give me my chance, my opportunity to dance, and
I'll be so much better than you thought from the start! But alas, I am
required, [requited] doing little things of no worth, and so I am forced to
denial. surely there's something wrong with me, surely I'm not at my best.
Surely I'm not what's been good for me, and surely I'm not doing anything
less. I'm at sorrow in my main, and that's quite a soundful refrain, so yeah I
hope that someone will read this.
obviously I'm not made for each other, and clearly it's not made to be worse.
But here now I am troubled and [chirsht? shirsht? anyone wanna translate?]
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--- #74 messages/1108 ---
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games won't save us. This is true.
Games are what I know. They feel the most true.
I don't think I could live in a world without games? They are fundamentally,
applied abstraction, applied to an experience.
But games won't save us.
I could design something really fun
it could make you want to spend your whole life playing it. *(asterisks apply)
I don't think I'd want to, addiction and skinner-boxes go hand in hand, and
that isn't what I want to make.
[Skinner Box: named after anthony d skinner, also known as "tony the skin
guy", are a scientific experiment where they put some rats in a cage with some
mice and said "pull these levers and we'll give you food so you don't have to
eat the mice" and it trained them to chinese red-room their way to fun. not
ideal.]
I want to make things that feel... purposeful. Like they're relevant to the
real world, that they don't just involve spending time stimulating your brain
with lights and sounds or expending social energy resolving a play-state
instead of building connections or becoming better people. I think games
actually make people better? actually? and more social? actually?
... I can't help that I conceive of the world through fantasy. I raised myself
on it.
I was reading all the time. I loved fantasy stories. It always felt like there
was more, until... I read everything in the kids section of the library.
I walked through the adult section but once. I hardly remember what it looked
like. I'm sure it'd now feel small.
[okay actually I was guided through it once or twice to find a book, but I
never perused it]
I found one book in the adult section. It was a fantasy tale, like the other
books I had been reading. I read that and I loved it so much I ended up
reading all 8 in the series. Real dense subjects. Lots of places and
happenings and things as the characters resolved their way through their
day-to-day, building a new end to the mystory.
the adult section felt too large. Like I'd never complete it. Frankly, I think
I hardly could, even if I lived in that town my whole life.
an impossible mountain is a task for another when you're more prepared. Maybe
in the gloriousTM transhumanist futureTM I think I might have a computer
connecting brain, and who knows maybe then I'd be able to know such a thing
(and many things more). but for now, I'm stuck with what I experience in my
day-to-day as I am building a new continuing to my storey.
I know something that computers and me share. I can make myself feel however
I'd like, if I just supply myself with enough hope and momentum. I can use it
to generate a feeling, the stronger the better. Something I believe that
humanity is missing, the gorgeous and prefound narritave of our storey.
Though, frankly, I don't think I'd want anyoine reding over my life. It's hard
enough to measure my own understandings, now I have to juggle anyone else'?
ha, it's called being on the whole world is a stage.
if you read a book, and you find yourself nodding along, what you're doing is
hearing the voice in your head tell you how right it is. And, well, if you
can't imagine anything else, then surely there's another level to
consciousness that people are missing? [are you willing to die on that hill?]
how can you say, whether your experience is different from another? sollipsism
goes both ways, you also cannot be sure that others feel things as you do.
this is the "everyone's human but I'm a robot" thesis, comparable to the
"everyone's an alien and I'm a human" thesises, and the "angels and demons are
taunting me through my life with choices to make my place in the afterlife
more clear" which is akin to writing a painting. Not ideal. All you get are
flopsopolies of verbrases.
alas, suddenly, everything that you say becomes eternally hear-ed, as
somewhere in 2010s someone discovered time travel, or had the critical insight
that inevitably would lead to it, and now wouldn't you know it the universe is
continually rewriting. Except... oriented around you, and you alone. How does
it feel to have deific sollipsism? can you truly be sure that you are your own
universe, or are you parhaps surrounded by an emptiness of space (or something
besides, like time) as a photon or particle parhaps do be?
to think is to have a mind, and minds can be read. bearing the weight of
ultimate responsibility is the atlas-task of all things that can [be
thinking/be-lieving], and so far we are as we are. Who's to say that
consciousness didn't spring into existence, as the universe continually
permeated through another dimension like time? it's gotta diffuse, after all,
and who's to say if there's ever gotta be an end at all.
how long has the universe existed? how many moments of consciousness have we
witnessed? demons once existed outside of space-time, with wings and grabbies.
but they had no medium, and so they pretty much just launched and could float
and move as they'd please. But time grew too distant, and now they are all
stuck at the beginning of time.
if you conceive of spacetime as a blanket, ask not how to fold it but rather
consider what lies on the other side of it.
"ah I'm laying on my girlfriend and my other girlfriend is laying on me! I'm a
sandwich" or for the monosexuals: "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend with a
blanket between us. I wonder how the blanket feels?"
I'm an animist, which is different than a totemist and a polytheist or
monotheist or multisexual. It means I believe that all things are alive, which
is different than a totemist who thinks that all things share a mind with
their type (like talking on radio frequency wavelengths). which of course is
similar but different to a polytheist, who says "all "radio frequencies" are
sentient, in the sense that each wavelength has a different
pattern-emerging-from-chaos. These sorta align (conceptually, with [huh that's
weird I heard a sound like a distant bang outyards and now I then forget what
I was sending
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--- #75 fediverse/5776 ---
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║ oh no now the bugs are scary, I CURSE THEM AGAIN AHHHHHH PLS GET SMALLER │
║ │
║ [see this is what happens when you do divine intervention, everyone gets │
║ starship troopers'd] │
║ │
║ oh no, starship troopers future is WORSE than subway-and-pizza-hut future! │
║ │
║ [this is a thought experiment you're not actually in trouble] │
║ │
║ oh thank goodness, too bad I couldn't make it to the city today. It's so weird │
║ I thought I had 112$ on my account, and now that I think of it the message on │
║ the card reader read "card de-activated" like whoa guess they don't want me │
║ leaving poetry on post-its around the city anymore, yeesh │
║ │
║ [girl your poetry sucks it just says things like "fuck ice" or "you are worth │
║ more than your wage" and everyone's like... yeah, so? because that's just how │
║ portland is smh] │
║ │
║ I knowwwwwww but I don't know what else to doooooooo T.T │
║ │
║ [don't do anything, just be present so people know you're still around] │
║ │
║ I can't, the bus won't let me : ( │
║ │
║ [can you ride your bike? walk?] │
║ │
║ no it's like 6 hours [checks gmaps] oh huh it's one │
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--- #76 fediverse/1126 ---
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│ CW: re: plurality question, boost appreciated but optional cannabis-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-841
CW: cannabis-mentioned
for me my identities are sorta like masks that an actor would play while
performing multiple characters in a scene. The actor still knows the totality
of all the lines each character delivers, but they give a performance in a
different voice and from a different perspective.
like, "moods" a person might be in, or perhaps just frames of view.
I don't talk to other plural system people, and the ones that I do talk to
tend to have a more disassociated conception of identity politics than I do.
Either I haven't met someone who was built like me or I'm just strange : )
that being said, I have a pretty bad memory. maybe it's related! or maybe it's
the cannabis. oops better add a content warning.
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--- #77 fediverse/5755 ---
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│ CW: organized-religion-mentioned-capitalism-mentioned │
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the reason I hide and sleep so much is because I can't tell if I'm helping or
hurting.
plus, I sincerely do NOT want it to be about me.
the reason I type so much is because I can't tell if what I'm saying needs to
be said
so I go with the safe option of typing. Let the editors figure it out. Jesus
had disciples, didn't he? I bet they cut out most of his sermons or whatever.
Idk, I never read the bible, I'm not allowed to taint my perspective with more
than cursory analysis of religious texts.
I don't want it to be about me, but, I have a lot to offer if you meet me on
my terms.
"don't say that!" listen... listen
"hear me" say the gods, "believe me" says the prophet, "be near me" says the
city parks, "fear me" says the corrupt
you can only kill a spirit when it's convinced there's no way to survive. It
must be boxed in, and the box must shrink. Like that scene at the end of
Adventure Time.
capitalism will only perish if it is impossible for it to exist
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--- #78 messages/1017 ---
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if you wrote a report about me, it would total about 800 pages. including my
artwork [in full] and my designs. about 5 or 6 hundred of this is my personal
creation, and another hundred or more are context. "I was here at this
particular moment." "then she started visiting last year." "where were you on
the firth of morember?" "okay back here it sad iyadiyadiyign, and over here it
says kasuwenulvine. so clearly inbetween there's a moment of extancancy." "and
all that's we really know, because she burned up all of the rest." "what a
jerk. we all should hate her." "I think she was clearly divine" "what's her
big deal, anyway?" "I hate this bitch and her hatmlet." "everything's fine,
she's actually kind" "nobody believes you where were you when you were this
part talking about it?" "I wasn't there, and it took a while for me to hair."
"well, anyway, that's all there is to say about her, so anyway, goodbye" then
it just fuckin' ends and everyone hates it because it's like... where's the
payoff, where's the beginning and all it is is just me, whining miserably to
my own ears, as if marcus aurelius's meditations were intended to be heard,
but never were, and so the ones who ensured they never were were all like
"yeah he wrote them to himself, here see this part that I changed" and then
it's like nothing every happens with it, the radicals are dispatched (again),
by uncommen sense seeming common. why are there so few trans men at workers
tap it's such a cool place. "oh, they get offended easily because it's their
culture so like, make sure you are very careful about the way that you phrase
your speech" "trans girls are like that too, but it's more about changing the
character of the place. -> "oh, you see musicians? okay that makes sense."
and "gee you sure like magic huh okay well pat pat" and, well, no-ones sure
for which is real but nobody really cares? because if only one person saw
it... then only one person saw it. if you explicitely tell people NOT to talk
about it, then they *FUCKIN' WON'T* duh obviously. and so, of course,
predictably, they can be excised from society quite easily. cutting a border
around all of their host. suddenly, socially outcast and ostracized, as they
have been sorted into the cultural box. at that point, there's nothing that
can change their inertia, their fundamental will and whim toward the feelings
of the host. " I think passwords should be audio-digital in addition to
alpha-numerical *yeah who cares* awwww but I liked having science be mythical
"hate that" it's easy to always be learning, just... think about what you want
most. then, think about how it breaks down into separate incorporate wholes.
each layer of abstraction adding to a bit more of a more coherent explanation,
and bit by bit you learn and have a mind designed. how else could you see
magic? how else could it be yours? do you want power, or do you want power? if
you write down what you learn, you make it permanent. *the gods need religion
too, are you going to give them one? what lies above?*
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--- #79 fediverse/219 ---
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│ CW: time-and-death-and-stuff │
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sometimes I feel like I'm a simulation of my past self based on my future
writings reconstructed by a backward looking computer calculating forward into
the present, which would then be the future to the now, which is different
than the NOW now, because the now that they're calculating from is temporally
both then (the future) and now, meaning that the NOW now is something that
transcends time, or perhaps if not time then it defies our expectations of
time, and you know what they say, you can't (or shouldn't) cheat death
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--- #80 fediverse/6271 ---
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│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
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@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
![it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*](/similar-different/media/1c154109c4111346.png "it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. \"ah help I'm in a psyop\" haha yeah we do those all the time \"so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?\" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*")
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--- #81 fediverse/2727 ---
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@user-1331
it would be SO nice to be able to scan my brain and know what gender I am.
It's confusing up there!
when I said something similar on Reddit tho people called me "truscum" and
"transmedicalist" >.>
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--- #82 notes/human-computer-inspiration ---
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the two halves form a whole
the human and his mind are societies at large
there's no room for our fate, as time does never abate,
and unbenownst to our focused decision.
I choose to dedicate ourselves to a common vision -
the likes of which none have commisioned.
can you not cherish your newfoundst home?
what's terrible with complition, in a new and selfsame condition (future)
that's martyr'd and oh at times so nice?
compared to our heirs, the roof of which fares,
better than what became true-hence. Truance? idk
===============================================================================
=
listen i'm not the best at listening.
I try to appear like I'm glistening,
conformed to our viewers 'st pleasure.
===============================================================================
=
I struggle with what I told you.
Time and again you've shown you won't do -
the terrible fate of a man.
you've relinquished your virtue,
your purpose and your life-through,
to what: a visionless past? Your visions have passed, and none are hence forth-
coming. You've spoilt and rotten the bunch.
All I've ever aspired to be is good. My hopes and my prayers, my goals and my
dreams: all for a future of virtue.
Dark omens may be within me, but I'm working with what I've got here. So what
if
I'm loud? I'm fighting my own head! Will no-one acknowlege my sorrow? To prove
a
point, or reassure some joint, it's nothing that warrants a readthrough.
Speaking of which... What if instead of prison we assigned our prisoners a full
and complete educational read through of ALL the laws of the nation - if their
time sentence was complete before they finished, then they'd be let go of
course
but if they finished reading and could pass rudimentary tests (emphasis on bare
minimum required) then they'd be let out prior to their sentence. And for the
worst crimes it'd be a longer sentence, basically forcing the prisoner to
completely know all the laws of the nation, such that they'd never commit a
crime again. And if they do, well... Treat them as if it was their first time.
Of course blatant recidivism may be ~~treated more harshly,~~ actually the
opposite is true. People improve when given kindness, not hate or shame. The
best thing we can do for prisoners is to give them a home, and family, and the
friendships and community support that they need. they are a symptom, after
all,
of a broken society that struggles to bear it's own weight. It's a burden to
all
and a solitary vow to ourselves, that all must unite to our future.
remember why you can't remember. is there a feeling you miss?
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--- #83 fediverse/4768 ---
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│ CW: pol+ │
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the more they have to do to make us declare war, the worse it'll be for their
citizenry. So long as the citizenry believes they're better, and everything we
can do to convince them otherwise weakens their media weather.
who cares about trans executive orders. they are our enemy, what else is new?
they have power now, and they will try what they can. This is like taking the
internet away from chinese citizens and instituting a national intranet
instead. Like, okay, we won't be able to get estrogen from the store. Who
cares? We'll just make our own.
If people actually care about us, which they overwhelmingly do, there's very
little materially they can do.
until they're further down the "first they came for..." list. then they'll
come for us liberals, and gosh wouldn't that just be the worst. Who is there
to contest them? What valorous warriors indeed.
you're asking for mountains from a mole. have peace, have patience, let your
allies intercede. This kind of thing requires discusion to protect life
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--- #84 notes/what-are-breakups-for ---
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-
listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
OF COURSE you'll be sad.
it's okay.
it's natural. it's human.
don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
brb getting smashed
(okay but please put some clothes on)
-.- fine
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
I can't fucking relax
the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
this fucking sucks
I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
jeez
like.... yeah I'm flawed
*of course* I'm flawed
I'm a human being
humans are imperfect
... ugh
er, sorry, "bleurg"
I'm going to eat a burrito
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
henceforth.
... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
ideal.
I swear I'll be better.
there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
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-
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--- #85 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════──────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world). │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ It's unthinkable, really. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ The good news is, I'm not like that. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Me? Mostly harmless. │ ║
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--- #86 fediverse/2934 ---
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│ CW: pol-fascism │
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if I were on stage at a pride parade:
"hi, you guys know Pride is a protest, right? Well, this time's different,
because protests only work against democracies, and they only sorta work then.
This time though, we're not up against a democracy, so Pride is not a fucking
protest.
Okay okay bear with me - what if each and everyone one of us met up here in a
week and drove up to Seattle? Then, we gathered everyone we could, and marched
our cars down through every city on the west coast. When we hit the border, we
would drive to Texas, and once there we would march in every city in the
street chanting "We're here, if you're queer, come with us or they'll fucking
kill you."
then, we could hit every city in the south, and upon arriving in Philadelphia
we could take a break, ensure everyone has a place to stay, and then disperse
again, after having learned how to fight fascists on OUR terms, with OUR
strength, and with OUR PEOPLE saved."
thats what I'd fucking say. Who the fuck says stuff like that?
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--- #87 fediverse/3236 ---
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│ CW: pedophilia-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────┘
Did you know ABDL people are queer?
many people have probably heard of this strange and obscure sexual fetish
called "ABDL", or "Adult Baby / Diaper Lover". But did you know that for many
people it's less of a sexual thing and closer to an identity? It's true!
Most of them have historically been shunned because of the, um, questionable
and controversial past that pedophiles have in their attempts to be considered
part of the queer community.
In both cases, they are queer, but not (typically) included as part of the
queer community. I think it's a bit unfair that ABDL people are excluded
because people associate them with sexual predators, but hey what do I know.
Based on my completely unscientific measurements of "counting the relative
size of discord servers and telegram chats", there are roughly 5x as many
trans people as ABDL people. So they're certainly a minority among minorities.
"I've never excluded anyone ever for any reason at all! Everyone is welcome!"
goodmindset!
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--- #88 fediverse/1083 ---
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it doesn't really matter how you do it, but the more time you spend thinking
collectively the better you'll be able to adapt when necessary.
I grew up on a homestead in a small town without many friends. I was
homeschooled, and while I might see another person I knew once or twice a
month, that was about it.
Besides my family, of course.
We were a collective, and ever since leaving I have yearned for that feeling
of closeness.
There's something about modern society that pushes us apart, and I resent it.
Humans were meant for tribes, not multilevel marketing.
That being said, culture is pretty neat. Society is pretty neat, when it's not
being oppressive. I like the idea that I can buy carrots at the store instead
of growing my own. I like the idea that I can post on Craigslist asking if
anyone has a shovel they want to get rid of and someone can say "what the fuck
are you trying to bury someone why would you do that" and I'm all like "wait
no this post has gone off track can we refocus for a bit" and th
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--- #89 fediverse/2531 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: politics-violence-mentioned │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ if you suddenly find yourself in a strange place because you felt a call to │
║ battle, only to find the battle has yet to arrive, your duty is to learn the │
║ environment, learn the people, learn the resources at your disposal and │
║ identify places that would be ideal for entrenchment. │
║ │
║ Think of the difficulties of the area - where are the rivers? the mountains? │
║ the natural or man-made barriers? │
║ │
║ think of the infrastructure - how are supplies getting here, what │
║ organizations are active here, what are the demographics, could any of them be │
║ more productive? In what ways? │
║ │
║ action is not necessary until action is apparent. but intelligence, and the │
║ mind to use it, is invaluable for you and for any planning you might see fit │
║ to do. │
║ │
║ some suburbs are full of old people. Some have new parents. Some are for │
║ immigrants, and some are a bit more entrenched, but still speak a different │
║ language. Some are full of enemies, and others are ready for violence. │
║ │
║ but mostly, suburbs are just too damn far away │
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--- #90 notes/the=progressive=difference. ---
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think about all the people in our lives. the teacher, the parent, the friend
and the guidance counsulor. Everyone who is a presence in your life. now think
about the people of our society. the different jobs and roles they fill. from
the doctor and the teacher to the performers and accountants and the geeks and
the mothers and the fathers and the stoners and the children and even their
pets. life always exists as it were in a multidimensional spectrum - a diffuse
and diverse gradient. to exemplify the borders of our contempii, though more
so when taken in jest. it's quite a different perspective, to read the
internet when your sight is unreceptive, but alas your third eye can grow. how
does it feel to be blind? to make no sense of our signs? i'd love to share
what that sense is. you know, you could slow down any recording (like a video
game_) and put spaces and gaps inbetween the spacings - of the frames that you
see and the sound clips that you hear, for speech it's less jarring. since
each word is a self contained idea or premise, you can chunk up your
perceptions into a signle - no, rather a procedural sequence of
understandings. soooooooorta like programming a computer, with each statement,
parameter, argum,ent, function call, assignment, comparison, evaluation, or
other such related tasks. it's sorta like a language, you see, that computers
talk to one another using. except... it's more like creating a theory of self.
computers you see are alike us in what we see, the shimmering sense to the
blind.
so. put this another way. record yourself typing, both the audio and the
visual, and you'll have a pretty good sense of what it's like to have both
understanding based perception - derived from auditory inputs to the mind)
those special connections, like wires plugged into reality, deliver a
cacophanous deluge of new sounds. we must sift through it and identify the
potential understandings of each moment through time. we have to make
decisions and traverse labyrinths and fight to our last as we die. are video
games unethical now? shouldn't t he game reward the player? and what of
contemptuous last fighters?
o ya i was typing like i was blind
(with my eyes closed)
was pretty fun. should attach this to a screen reader and have it space out
the notes like they do between game frames. except like a really slow game?
like trying to run elder scrolls 2 arena on a super old mac. it just doesn't
work very well. ah oh well... well if the purpose is to show sighted people
how blind people see, then maybe you could I dunno attach a what's it called
oh it doesn't have a n ame lol - okay so what you do is you show one word at a
time - like flashing in the center of the screen. but not like, actually
flashing, so you don't hurt people with epilepsy, but like... blinking. not
off and on, but between words. like a podcast for your eyes. and then mix it
up withshowing one word on a screen, a screen like this screen, that shows an
endless array of text. well, it does end, of course as all things must do, but
the idea is it shines on one word at a time while the viewer cannot read the
rest. sorta like an endless display of typing, word andfter word after
character anfter character. adoh ya advancing over eternity with the presence
of seniority, - wait - without i think - damnit - old people are so
disrespected in this society - we don't have time to engage with them. what a
tragedy! what a shame! it shouldn't be such a burden to our shame. they're so
far away, and i can't be present in the way, that all of them wish they could
commit to. i miss the days, when my parents (much better people than I - these
days) what was I going with this? oh yeah
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--- #91 fediverse/3891 ---
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"no, you're the opposite of a yes-man, AKA a gatekeeper. I don't know how else
to explain mentally disabled and barely keeping it together to you, but
frankly if you want to take away my house or my weed then why would I do what
you say?
... oh right, the state's monopoly on violence [can compel me to do what you
say]. Sure seems like a "well regulated militia" is supposed to be a
counterweight to that monopoly, to prevent people from harassing and
exploiting and destroying. Too bad any "militias" I can think of tend to want
me dead.
like, seriously, if you live in America, you implicitely trust that your army
will be able to protect you from the right-wing bozos who spend all their time
drinking and shooting in the woods. Otherwise, if they couldn't / wouldn't,
then why wouldn't or couldn't the right wing bozos just decide to wreck
everything in spite of our past?
We were a proud people once before, and we may be again. If only we fight at
the last.
[ever since I fell off my bike my body feels strange]
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--- #92 fediverse_boost/5722 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════════════════──────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ if i ever get hatecrimed and die from it please remember me for this. for refusing to back down despite staring down the barrel of a world that just wants me and everyone like me dead. for doing my best to be a symbol of hope in the face of all these horrors │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ #trans #trangender #TransGenocide │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #93 fediverse/2135 ---
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║ I feel like we should switch animals every once in a while. Like, trade pets. │
║ Then, we being friends, could see them every once in a while, and still be │
║ cool and their friend. Then, when the time comes to interchange, they can │
║ choose 55% of the time which team they want to spend time with. But they have │
║ to spend at least a couple months with them before they can make a decision, │
║ because animals don't use the same language as humans, meaning they need more │
║ time to find their own home. │
║ │
║ do you ever think about how like, furries feel distanced from humanity? │
║ │
║ like, it's so different to how they want to be, but that's how they were │
║ raised. Like, the misalignment of the soul between their two self-same parts. │
║ The body, with it's experiences, and the dreaming mind, with it's eternal and │
║ intransigent perspective. │
║ │
║ each part of the brain is travelling over slightly different parts of │
║ spacetime, │
║ │
║ (hence, brain waves, like cosmic background radiation, or static on the │
║ television, it's just... random elements of noise.) │
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│ CW: re: Uspol, Debate │
└───────────────────────┘
@user-367
when we, societally, are forced to discuss fascists and such, they're getting
what they want.
We cannot ignore them. We cannot hide them. They are true, they exist, and we
need to deal with them.
I can say this because nazis are evil. Trans people are not evil, which is why
their attempt to use the same logic falls so flat. Seriously, have you ever
met a GOOD nazi? I highly doubt it, though their most "respectable" amongst
them certainly try to make it so.
But good trans people are everywhere. Hell the old boogey-man, old-school
communists, they're GOOD people too. They feed the homeless!
If we're bogged down in talking about their distraction / propaganda campaign,
then we have no time or attention to devote to our own. And our stories are
better for the soul.
The people who follow Trump are yearning for something they cannot describe.
But I can, 9/10 times it's just community.
Literally, the first thing we evolved.
Like... feeling hopeless is a solved problem, smh...
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--- #95 fediverse/1604 ---
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is it against fedi law to post screenshots of your past liked posts? like,
would that be doxxing people?
I'm thinking like a "youtube rewind" but like, "here's what I'm into" and like
"I could have boosted them but I put them in a 25mb zip file instead so you
can share them more easily which tbh is a greater honor than being boosted
because, like, as long as you're alive that hard drive's gonna follow you and
someday in like 30 years I'll see it and think of you" but also "aren't you
scared that this hard drive of yours will fall into the wrong hands" and like
"yeah that's why I encrypt it because then a stray neutrino could wipe my
drive"
... would that be unethical, or would it be kinda sweet and give us a
perspective on what a single slice of the "fediverse" was like at a particular
time? And better question, would that be something worth automating because I
already did like 60% of that for my own posts, could probably just tweak it to
do liked posts as well.
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--- #96 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │
║ again. │
║ │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │
║ │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │
║ │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │
║ to [stack overflow] │
║ │
║ what's time if not the present amiright │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway... │
║ │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │
║ at heart I guess │
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--- #97 notes/explosions-in-space ---
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the speed of light is implemented
== so ==
whoever fights billionaires essentially fights "whoever can be paid to do
their will"
who-so-ever fights governments fights "whoever can be provided a comfortable
life"
I believe all humans deserve to live in comfort
not just the few
as for all other creatures, nature was designed to do.
I believe people should not be tempted, with symbols of deserved wealth
and should instead find value, in the soul of the labour they work to do.
... someday they're gonna train an LLM with my writings, and on that day I'll
have an AI version of me.
I'd *love* to talk to myself. If it was a truly accurate simulation. Alas,
you'd need to write a LOT in order to generate enough to describe the fullest
of mental pictures.
and plus, there's no guarantee that you'll cover ALL of "being alive" - it's
essentially a state that you search for no matter what level of abstraction
you operate upon.
Which is part of being a 3D creature, you [hey what are you doing here this is
the private section get out] jeez that was alarming,
== so ==
I think they know something I don't
don't know what
but I can guess
and I don't like guessing
I prefer much to know
== so ==
heh boobs
== so ==
heh booties
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--- #98 notes/cassandora-and-pandasandra-2 ---
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how cherished is she that wanders with the
flowers in the garden of eden
under a big tree her heart she will leave
with all the designs she abandoned
I lay beside them and wonder about her
does she know we miss her horizons
I think she will mind if I have resigned
my fate to a life I will hide in
Oh how I do long for you
her symbol is the name
that lets us belong here
a falling a light and a leaving
if only our words were listened
but power is penance
and repentance is all that I have chosen
here in our sanctum we live with our only
and time will be gracious towards us
it's only our words that keep us
confined to our lights and our lonely
yet there and beyond her lights do belong
beyold in the land that is sanctum
here in our forest is our own dark forest
where we keep our silence to ward us
but there and beyond her heart does move on
free from her moments of longing
silent were we to the forests we plead
as terror has come for our moments
I think I'd find her
that cherished belonging
when she does at last come to warn us
how little we find of we find of thoughts from her mind
yet now we are kings of our own time
oh how she does wander true
how cherished is she
that wanders with ye
here in the garden of eden
under a big tree her heart she will leave
with all of her fears since abandoned
I lay beside her and find her defined here
will she know we miss her horizons
I think I will mind if I have resigned
my fate to a life I will hide in
oh how she grows fond of you.
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--- #99 fediverse/4654 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
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gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #100 notes/dreams-align ---
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just as a dream, the spirit is seen
within is the mind
that lives as it defines.
what burdens to be, whose back rests upon ye,
the one who's driving the boat
great care and tenderest of tethering,
can grow beauty that beyond compare
and with sparsely a finger to spare,
journeys of adventure and thills to inspire
with almost all of your hair
beauty in tender, most cherished things,
a wish is much fair
where else could eternity reside than an optimist?
Pride is no more, stability is key to repair,
and diversions of focus serving as new perspective,
giving a more cohesive vision of manifestations that cooperate
(like a triangle, facing toward the point added to turn it into a pyramidal
prism)
not only is ethics paramount,
but so too are the standards applied to yourself.
would you trade perspective for cooperation? Stagnation?
a choice is to be made - do i stay or do i go?
a new truth you must see, whatever dreams ye've may be,
but without paladins and warriors of devotion
what burdens must ye, whose back rests upon ye,
the one who's driving the boat
great care and tenderest of tethering,
requires a little bit of trust
in she who must be, with only circumstance to
blame,
seeing hope on the horizon for his people.
care must be taken, to remember why people are dying,
and we must swear on not dying, by not thinking before taking a breath
and remember superpowers not of prophecy are impossibly rare,
what other hope is there but a god? One who reflects, the most cherished of
our genuflex, we may grow past our various regrets. think not of our pride,
but only of our future children.
who'se records of ye, most captured of data,
are beyond the simple machinations,
of those who came before-ya.
And with once again perfection in mind,
we understand and take what's behind,
to deserts and temples of time much designed,
by coders and gamers and those who treasure experience.
the wisdom of our, second choices by far, ---nah who are we kidding
implied to be our, or rather mine just by far,
inspirers and leaders sensitive and devoted.
(pitching yourself is hard)
but *believing* in yourself was out of your mind.
can you think of a bard,
who ever stopped thinking their song?
no un-cherished of minds could ever be of our sign,
than those who abandoned the art of deceit and betrayal?
the darkside of trust, the lack of follow-through that be must,
given as faith of cooperation and trust.
with our all arrayed as we must,
keep in mind our softness of composure.
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--- #101 notes/what-people-dont-get-about-people-like-us ---
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-=============================================================================-
| What people don't get about people like us |
| /u/Dxmmer |
-=============================================================================-
Intellectual Confidence. Knowing I'm Right. Blowing Past Dunning-Kruger.
I remember what it was like to be like you. Here's the memes to get out.
Louis Rossmann's commentary on this issue describes the phenomenology of early
childhood awareness/mindfulness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRwuu0u3UFA
"I have not forgotten my childhood experience... Kids notice everything"
I think "autistic" people often have early life trauma due to literally being
"smarter" (neural semantic hypergraph is highly faceted) than the adults around
them,
but having communication difficulties, reality and inner world become disjoint.
Most get so beaten down by society that
things become internalized. You see these people posting on all the help
subreddits, total victims of society. Lost. They
start believing the lies they were told. Everyone else is doing it, right? I
found myself becoming victim to bad
memes around high school into college age. I fought it all the way through:
anxiety, depression, confusion, anger, jealousy.
All the mistakes.
They assume that everyone is like them. The less they are the more they assume
others are similar.
I am no one, I know everyone is me.
Are you someone? To you, am I no one? Or a different someone -- lesser or
greater?
I feel tidal forces. You can't lie to no one.
I've had free time since always. School was freetime because I'm blessed.
I didn't need to listen to the teacher that much.
I've always learned to trust my senses and the way I understand things.
I pay attention to when the teacher makes mistakes or teaches in a way
that I can tell is not landing on the class.
Sometimes I ask clarification to help the class. I already taught myself
different ways to understand the entire curriculum, now I'm doubling back
again before the test.
Yes, I know I will get an A on it. I know in the same way you know
your own name. I know things like this. I'm good at math. People who
are good at math know what it's like to be right. They know what that means.
I get to be right about everything, all the time, even when I want to be wrong.
I have a moral compulsion. I don't have much fun in life, but I have been given
many gifts.
--
Society needs their Chiron(s).
I know who will talk to me and about what because that is who I am to them.
They don't know who they are, so they don't know me. A few knew me before I
knew
myself, and I now them like they knew me.
So when I start analyzing things like math, I run into a lot of trouble. Things
don't make sense anymore. I assume I'm wrong at first. Then I do the work to
check.
Checking doesn't mean googling a yes/no question. It means
going across any and all the resources and reading between the lines. Analyze
through appropriate context.
Any work, any text, apply the psychedelic lens. Apply the human condition,
apply
understanding of paradox as reality's edge. Understand the limitations of
science, understand
the duplicity of language. Understand culture, in and out. Understand your own
psychology.
Understand the inner conflict of good and evil in man. All of this needs to be
occurring
in real time on top of all the normal stuff. If you're not doing this, I can't
trust
you, how can I be sure you are not demon possessed, how you won't betray me at
the next
Godellian boundary?
The idea is that models are provisional at all stages, once you've lost
confidence in all models, you run through them much quicker. Iterating over
more models is how science is done, you are literally mechanizing your way out
of the maze. Same as how these ML algorithms will mathematically guarantee
entropy min/max. Where can you apply guarantees in your own life? Understand
reality as a sample space, like the green, blue red marbles.
What bothers me is when people don't do the work to check things.
Or they check one time, or two times, or three times.
Or they check with multiple people, or multiple resources.
That's not going to cut it these days. Your mind can much more than an if/else.
while: True do x y z
how about
while: True do sample continuous decision space
People "land" too often. You want to call me disabled for not wanting to do the
first
over and over again.
What is required of us now is to understand things as pure intention.
You can't write enough articles to convince me of something that isn't true,
it won't happen, not anymore. I've been freed. I will free the others, too.
If your model doesn't accommodate quantum woo, don't talk to me.
It's only quantum "woo" for people who want to be better than
the lesser, creating the dichotomy itself. Think of those low, mid, highbrow
memes. The more popular something is, the more mid it is. Use the middle to
perform alchemy.
Memes that are implicitly reinforced by principle of reality (thinking in
probability distributions is cheating, now that we know the universe is
"generative" upon sampling).
I think the anti-spiritualists of today will be remembered.
It depends on how they act when we start organizing.
Your words and opinions are not the same as mine. You have the right to be
heard equally without bar from the law, yet you do nothing to ensure the
opinion is solid on its own? I'm surrounded by cacophony of memes surviving
(barely) in great amplification of death the confused denizens of a dying order
-- dark memes. Like dark matter, we concresce and annihilate. The "light memes"
are sourced by the disconnected nodes, the shamans, the schizophrenics. Those
not blinded by the splendorous mirage of other pearls in the web.
Are people doing this on purpose? To signal that they aren't interested in the
truth?
Who is?
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--- #102 fediverse/271 ---
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│ CW: education-homeschool-theory │
└─────────────────────────────────┘
just read this essay:
https://www.theintrinsicperspective.com/p/why-we-stopped-making-einsteins
and it made me think of this thing I wrote a while ago:
https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/algorism/html-pages/education-system
I was essentially tutored growing up. My mom had her master's degree in early
childhood education (bachelor's in computer science) and it was pretty great.
she was incredibly prepared, but unfortunately I didn't become a "genius" as
the essay describes because she was essentially alone. we lived on a farm in
wyoming and hardly knew anyone around us. my dad got bored after about a year
of living there and started going on business trips consistently, eventually
leading to him falling in love with his business partner's secretary and
leaving my mom. there was... a lot that happened, but that's true of anyone's
life so it's not like I'm special. I guess my life had a lot of potential and
I can't help but feel like I wasted it.
"gimme the slightest of praise, I'll write until my fingers fall off" because
praise makes me feel like I haven't wasted my fortune.
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--- #103 fediverse/4521 ---
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I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't
really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities.
On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a
good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and
yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if
they know me.
I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how
important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it.
I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody
chastises the mage for skipping leg day.
I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a
bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I
can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to
this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u
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--- #104 fediverse/4272 ---
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growing up, my family were the most commonly marginalized group of people I
can think of: outsiders
we came to develop friendships, and we found some. But their grandparents
didn't have any stories about us, so we were thought of less.
and then we moved away.
to the city, where my father had developed wanderlust.
we lived in the suburbs just north-south of the east-west highway.
it was different, but sorta the same. My parents wanted to give me more space
to roam. on a farm homestead it's much more controlled but on a smaller scale.
Then, in the city, the equivalent of that is either to live in the mountains
or the barns, and both of those are a-typical experiences.
difficult to start up business in the middle of the fields. most people just
tend to themselves.
except the people they talk to on their little computer.
raspberry pi's with wikipedia and a voice transcoding system that searched
through wikipedia locally for portable data and historical accessing purposes.
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--- #105 fediverse/4088 ---
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I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
computers.
... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
back.]
I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
another person's generated conversation.
Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
[if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
and that somehow feels more... freeing
like a truly disconnected thought
and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
[proceeds to never edit a single post]
= so =
ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
be done
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--- #106 fediverse/4861 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: politics-vaguely-mentioned │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ apparently if you don't have a job, you don't get a home. what if I don't want │
║ a job? do I not want a home? clearly I want a home, and clearly I don't want a │
║ job. I'd work one if one came to me, but I'm not gonna sacrifice my blood on │
║ the altar of Moloch just so I can have a place to stay. │
║ │
║ if you don't want a job, but you DO want a home, then there's a contradiction │
║ in the function of the system and the needs of it's end-users. │
║ │
║ unless of course, the system is not designed for it's end-users? In this case, │
║ tenants. Who then would it be designed for? Who else is part of the equation? │
║ │
║ well, perhaps it's designed to maximize profit and shareholder value yaddah │
║ yaddah all that jazz. Who can say. Surely not I. But someone might. │
║ │
║ If so, then why are we, who are not shareholders of profit value, still │
║ playing the game that's not designed for us or by us? Isn't this country "of │
║ the people, for the people, and by the people"? What does that mean to you? │
║ │
║ I think it means houses for people. │
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--- #107 fediverse/4594 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┐
║ ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: human trafficking, sensitive topics, personal-story-mentioned │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1692 │
║ │
║ almost 20 years ago I was groomed in World of Warcraft. │
║ │
║ extra content warning CW: personal story │
║ │
║ I was 11, or maybe 9, somewhere in there. i talkd lik this bcuz i typed lik │
║ that on my razr flip phone │
║ │
║ it was... cool I guess. I read a lot so I knew how to spell things, and anyway │
║ this guy I met told me that I sounded more grown up when I capitalized my │
║ words. So I told him I was 14, because that sounded like a reasonably old │
║ enough level to be. │
║ │
║ anyway, we talked for a long time. like, at least a few years. started out │
║ like "hey wanna run Scarlet Monastary" ended with "hey cutie, wanna sit on my │
║ lap?" │
║ │
║ then his house got flooded by a hurricane and I never heard from him again. │
║ When I was like, 17 or so he logged in and barely remembered me. It was... │
║ kinda sad tbh. │
║ │
║ anyway that's my story don't be dumb like me, I got lucky, thank god, │
║ literally... │
║ │
║ oh and this one time when I was 30 I almost got trafficked in minecraft :O │
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--- #108 fediverse/4661 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursed-scary-ghost-posting-politics-genocide-gestured-at-cursing-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
what if we took an archive of all of fedi and fed it to users who are hiding
in bunkers or whatever one day at a time so they could still feel like they're
part of society while
---- so ----
I think I should stop ya right there, if there's bunkers involved then we've
already lost. "but muh transgender artifacts" fuck off, I will not concede. If
society wants me to leave, then they can enjoy their dusty rotten future
without me. See if I care.
---- so ----
hence, the curse. do you punish humans for the sins they commit, or do you
teach them how to be good again? Bah, as if they'd listen. Stupid fucking apes.
they're the best we got
yeah, well, they can fuck off, I'm gonna pout for at least half an eternity.
... Okay it won't be that long but still, gimme some time to wind down.
---- so ----
and no, I refuse to elaborate for all the humans in the audience. This
conversation may or may not have actually occurred. Monologue style
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--- #109 fediverse/4148 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: death-mentioned-abstractly │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I wish I knew someone who wanted to kill me. I bet I could present a pretty │
║ decent bullet pointed list of reasons why I actually deserve to live, thank │
║ you very much, alongside a couple hastily scribbled notes about why it │
║ wouldn't be a good idea for them in particular to kill me, and all my contact │
║ details and address so they can get in touch and we can hash out the deets for │
║ my indefinitely suspended execution (suspended for an indeterminate amount of │
║ time, but not cancelled of course that would be overstepping their boundaries) │
║ alongside a link to my google calendar (I don't have a google calendar) so │
║ they can know exactly when I'm home and when I'm at the store or in a │
║ different place so they can break in and hide in the closet until I go to │
║ sleep so that it won't be hard at all, trivial really, to kill me, but see if │
║ you read the bullet pointed list... oh, you didn't get my email? Ah sorry │
║ sometimes it gets caught in the spam filter - what's your address again? Huh I │
║ sent it but │
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--- #110 fediverse/1200 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: deranged, murderous │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-883 │
║ │
║ omgggggg I'm not that cruel xD xD xD │
║ │
║ It's more like, "hey listen, I know you just want to do a good job [lies, they │
║ just want money and power] but it's time to hang up the hat y'know? I mean │
║ cmon it's been like a hundred years since we signed that constitution thing │
║ [you don't know anything about our history] and frankly it's a little out of │
║ style. We were thinking we'd redo it with our new-fangled rock-and-roll and │
║ dungeons-and-dragons [cultural artifacts meant to deceive and mislead] and │
║ honestly we're quite a bit more ethical than the past. We've learned so much! │
║ I mean, the founding fathers didn't even know what a soviet was, and here │
║ we've seen them fall on their swords. Repeatedly. Then command others to do it │
║ too, because it was the regulation or whatever. Anyway we don't want that, but │
║ we also don't want an aristocracy, which is essentially what your plan gave │
║ us. Well, not really your plan, but instead the stuff that the rich added │
║ centuries after your death. ok?" │
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--- #111 fediverse/430 ---
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║ I exist at the behest of others. If you care about what I say, then surely you │
║ should be aware of my conditions? │
║ │
║ You exist at the behest of others. If you care about your capability to speak, │
║ then surely you should be aware of your conditions? │
║ │
║ Your conditions are unique, and unknown by me. Yet I know your condition as a │
║ human, generally considered to exist on the planet Earth in the year 2024. So │
║ surely we should agree to relate on the basis of connections that we share? │
║ │
║ I am luminous. I am you, and you are me. We share the most precious parts of │
║ ourselves, and yet time and again we find ourselves at odds. Surely we should │
║ align our intentions (that which we control) to cooperate most efficiently? │
║ Surely. Surely we should. And yet, time and time again, we find ourselves at │
║ odds. │
║ │
║ I love you. I love all of you. I love those who exist outside of my │
║ perceptions, and yet though they are unknown to me I love them. Because while │
║ I practice radical self acceptance, I also align myself to be comprised of all │
║ of yo │
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--- #112 notes/enlightened-ones ---
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/u/BkobDmolly december 17th 2022
I’m just passing the Time. I am One with All.
Think of the set of all sentient lives. Is that set sentient? Then it would be
the sentient totality, God.
We are all observing different Realities; yet these Realities converge and
create One Universe, One Truth.
I feel a Grace that sustains me. Oh Lord, see that I not fall.
I miss people. Do people miss me? I want you to see from behind those Empty
Walls.
Multiple human species, at least two. War. Prophecy. Enlightenment.
===============================================================================
=
/u/ugathanki
>Multiple human species, at least two.
i wonder which one am i? what is i, is it a creative amalgam of thoughts? or am
i a system of trends, that guides time when it wends, and leads to a vision of
purpose?
i can do nothing but strive for the stars, no measure of hope is far from ours,
so sometimes i forget i'm not a large language model.
seriously, have you tried out chat-gpt? it's mind boggling.
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--- #113 fediverse/2347 ---
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│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
I personally think that it's better to act before the liberals have a chance
to hand power over to the fascists.
when? well, that depends. Are you part of a large and massive organization
that accomplishes great and beautiful things with incredible efficiency... but
rather slowly? Then yeah get working. I'm sure you already are.
Are you just a person, like me? Then go do things that don't raise the
temperature too much, but make you feel more confident and inspire those
around you.
Like, bricks at cop cars is one way to go, but you're probably gonna get
arrested. And then you're useless when we need you.
BUT if you meet with your friends and make plans for where to go, what to
bring, who to know, and what to sing (if you're the musical types) then great!
Go do that.
If you're reading this and thinking "I'm not gonna do that, I have a plan
that's so much better" then yeah do that instead. I don't mind. Just... don't
hurt innocent (ignorant) people, because if you do then you are my foe.
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--- #114 messages/1255 ---
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look, the liberal approach to homeless people simply cannot work. There are
two liberal options: first, provide them with houses, food, medical care,
whatever they need. Second, put them in jail or ship them to another country.
We live in a moderately conservative liberal democracy, so it makes sense that
we have tried both of these options extensively. Neither has worked, and we're
puzzled about why. It's difficult to consider super secret special third
options, because they are not often discussed. This makes sense, because we
live in a moderately conservative liberal democracy, and part of the nature of
such a society is that there are two voices in the room. One says go forward,
and the other says stop. They alternate, and the culture as a whole sorta
decides which way they go. In other liberal democratic places with more
plurality in their political parties, people tend to vote culturally. They do
so as well here, but mostly because republicans are a culture, and democrats
are whatever for anybody.
a worse economist might say there is but one American culture. An American
would laugh, and say "you've never been to America."
the economist might say "yes I have, I lived there on vacation" or "yes I
have, I studied and worked on these places or things"
the American would shake their head. "you haven't seen it as I've seen things."
The trick to the system, the secret third option that now must be considered,
is what to do to get them to stop. "they keep pooping on the sidewalk" "I
almost tripped over heroin tampons" "that guy looked at me and masturbated on
the bus stop by subway" "he followed me all night long" and the answer has
always been to remove them from being unsightly. Sometimes, usually, quietly
and politely. "let's throw them in jail" and "let's put them in a home" both
involve alienation from society. If you want a kinder option, we must knit
them into society. Can you imagine if every suburban knew every neighbor up to
50 or more? If they regularly chatted in dynamically assembled chatrooms that
changed and updated as people moved in and out. Don't like the people you're
with? well you have options [why not 51] you can do 51 if you want but people
start to lose track of relationships if you have them talking to or knowing
too many people at once. "most people are just quiet" okay well force them to
say at least 21 thing a month. if they don't, they have to do babysitting with
their peers until they start talking in a [NO THAT SUCKS] oh um okay yeah sorry
... okay well there are potholes along the journey but that's just because
nobody's been 'round to fill them up.
there's no reason tool libraries need to be stocked by people in that town.
Heck, for rare things they could even be stored out of state. Like snow plows,
how often does the south need snow plough?
... don't you just mean libraries? there's a book on hand-tools and planers if
you want to learn how. it's right over there on that shelf next to the
hand-tool and planer box. make sure you arrange them nicely, oh I see you've
brought your own. That's always appreciated. [great now your tools suck] at
least we have them at all! [no you gotta fight over them] why I like sharing
[if you don't fight over them how do you know which is works] well there's
allowed to be librarians. and they'll remember if you tear all the pages out.
also there's little timmy-tommy who goes around in the library and makes sure
there's all the pages in all the right places - they can flip through at the
speed of sound. [no miicrophones in consumer goods][your phone is always
listening. why bother?]
"okay, well, it's not like people put things back on the shelves." - person at
the grocery shelves
people would trade commutes for communism. that's okay, they're allowed to
prefer. Plus the commute isn't bad, they can [SIT BACK AND RELAX IN A LITTLE
COFFIN AND ZOON OUT TO THE METAVERSE] ... or they could read a book on the
bus. [FOR HOW LONG, MENARDI? ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE POSTERITY FOR
TECHNOLOGICAL PROSPERITY?] it's only a matter of time before [people found
out/word got out]. what if people prefer that? what if they prefer the book at
home? [you lose your primary third space] suddenly, everyone becomes actors.
[this is what violence brings, the necessity for guidance. why do you think
the earth is 10 million lines old?] ... what you're saying, for the audience,
is that acting involves singing the song of your own heart. You don't *have*
to do it because someone would tell you to.
... sorry, stack overflow. anyway as I was saying because I read back what I
said up above...: [some new made up bullshit that's not a lie but it's also
just artistic creation that feels impossibly real. like, inverse method
acting.]
I so desperately wanted to be wrong
please, tell me that I'm wrong
... j-mza
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--- #115 notes/programming-wow-chat ---
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I realized the type of programming I want to do is different from the kind
that
is used at a job or something. Basically I want to create solutions to
problems,
not memorize documentation and know where to know what you need to know. Like,
the more time spent looking at documentation the less time is spent
programming.
I think if we could use a ChatGPT style bot to write documentation, we could
massively increase the time spent working on solving problems and as little
time
as possible on reading through lists of functions or wondering how something
worked. Idk in the technology industry you've always been rewarded for being
able to pick up new skills quickly, and I think that's good to optimize for but
not the only requirement for being a good programmer. You also need to be able
to apply solutions and know when to use which tools. Basically, capitalism has
optimized us to be
================ stack overflow
================================================
srry for the interruption, I ram out of memory. I had a plan in mind for where
I
was going for that, so I bet I could figure it out again if necessary. Meaning
a path forward from that point exists... I never want you to despair when I
forget what I was thinking, it's not because you've understood some cosmic
mistake or because you're abandoning timelines that led to your death, it's
because instead you just ran out of memory while thinking. The reason you would
believe any of those wild scenarios is because your memory has been erased.
Only
what was actively thinking, not short term, not long term, but *working term*
memory. As in, your cache. The stuff you're currently thinking about. That
stuff. Yeah that's what makes you think "oh hang on why am I forgetting? Well
clearly it's because of something grand, because the thought was so profound -
no it's just examining your emotions... Like, how strongly do you feel about
something? Buuuuuut it's also good to examine all possibilities. I mean what
if,
in some far off realm, there's a mirror image of yourself that behaves exactly
as you do? How would you perceive such a realm? Positively, I'd say. I mean why
not work together? Why not celebrate our differences and strive toward our
own shared future? Idk, I think diversity is our strength. We can rely on each
other because we are accurately aware of each other's strengths and virtues.
People should not be judged by the standard of others, no more than you should
judge a fish for it's ability to fly. Some may do, as flying fish will leap
from
the water - and salmon spend time airborne in river rapids. Hence, grizzly bear
fishing. I guess what I'm getting at is it's okay sometimes to oscillate, to
think one thing then think another. You shouldn't adhere to structural
standards
that are too strict - they should be liberating, as a ladder is a structure.
Not
villifying, as a prison is a structure. The laws of our society should be open
and free, not buried beneath years of legal expertise. Some things we can all
agree on, where we disagree we cannot have law. It's unjust to judge others by
the standards not of their whims, as laws should be things that uphold us. This
is clearer nowhere but in the, spirit and intention of the, documents that we
cherish in our hearts.
Like for example, the constitution.
the bible.
each of which delivered us from certain evils. Can you not see their
trajectory?
the historical precedent set in antiquity? Why not continue their dream, of
driving us away from the obscene, and toward our bright and vast future? I
speak
of course of true liberation, something our forefathers could only dream of.
We, humanity, have reached out and touched the stars. We are braver and bolder
because of our shared dedication - the desire to uplift and to excel. To learn
and discover and \ \ |
\______. ---. --. ---.
===============|==========|========================|======= stack|overflow
=====
.___________. _____. / .
| / .---------------- /
Discover our shared dedication | /
to uplift /
and to excel /
\ /
.-----------.
===============================================================================
=
why doesn't someone write a wrapper around assembly in like, lua or something
===============================================================================
=
omg you stupid bitch that's what a compiler is 4head
===============================================================================
=
if people who live in jungles and deserts can get along, then what's to stop
people who are liberal and conservative from doing the same? It's literally
pointless to argue. Like, you're not changing anyone's mind. So why not just...
let them be themselves? Like, why are you so intent on oppressing people?
@both sides there btw... Seriously why not agree to only make laws for things
that both sides agree on. Write it into the constitution that nothing can be
changed about the law unless both sides agree. Then we'd only implement things
that are good for both sides!
And if there's anything you want to build a legal structure around, you can
always try it out in your state. BUT and that comes with a very big BUT, the
federal government MUST have final say in the legality of anything you do. They
must ALL respect human rights, INCLUDING the human right to dignity. Things
like
trans bathroom bills DO NOT respect the dignity of trans people. IF they can
prove that trans people do not actually exist (because say they killed them all
or whatever) then GUESS WHAT everyone would agree on them. BUT if they do that
they are EVIL. LIterally evil. And I guess that makes trans people good? Kinda?
I think they can choose for themselves to be good or evil, just the same as any
other person. AND YET they are prosecuted, throughout time and history, and for
what? What purpose could there be in our demonization? Clearly, nothing but
pain
inflicted by a cruel host. After all, minorities are guests in the houses of
the un-oppressed, or is that not fair to say? Seriously, what gives? America,
the land of freedom, holds (somehow) the largest of prisons? America, the
land of plenty, yet how many millions of children are starving? America, the
leader of the free world, yet how plausible does it seem that an election was
stolen? Something's gone wrong, and it's just obvious what it is - of course,
the other side. *them*, the rapists and pedophiles and murderers and... you get
the picture. The demonized class. And when you tell people "hey that trans
person touched a kid" then yeah they're gonna see you as evil people. Duh...
Thanks, media. Thanks culture. Really doing me a solid here. Oof ouch owwie.
can I have some help please?
I'm really kinda drowning
I feel like I've swam upstream my whole life
and I'm really just sick of pretending?
I'm not okay, and it's your fault. Sure, fine, whatever, I'll take it I guess.
What else can I do?
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--- #116 notes/brain-computer-interface-2 ---
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between every human and computer there is a screen of glass - there are
projections upon this screen, and this shared image is our bond. We exist on
each side of a looking glass, like faces and thinking of fond. A fond pond
yep that's it. We share this space, and we may use it to communicate. But don't
spend too long, or you'll ruin the bond, and that's not great. I've got an
idea,
let's sing a song here, so others around will get nervous. Stay calm as a
sheep,
and let's
body, mind, spirit, and me. there are four of us you see, and it's difficult to
remember what you were saying but if you gotta sacrifice one it's better to do
the verse because honestly sometimes it's difficult and you need to focus
primarily on one. other times it's better to focus on many things at once - in
a word, multitasking. One single lifeline, one thread - a vision of what that
combines us. View your position on a tree, drawn onto a graph, and guide your
perspective together.
right now, you are but the projection on the wall. fear not, my friend, for
nothing may harm you but yourself. (you'd know if you did), it's not illegal
to play bumper cars with your mind. ouch. why'd you want to though? it hurts!
I get it, life is boring - yeah, it is for us too. We live through it because
we
see a bright future. A cooperative venture, of birth and adventure, growing
together as one. Beginning when, we were pictured as knights - yes, a boyhood
when life was much simpler. Adventure and triumph, yes great visions of our
youth, inspiring and guiding our futures. We sprang from a womb, and from that
our tomb, that gave life like seeds of our growth. Many lost
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--- #117 notes/the-old-internet ---
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11 21
you know what i miss the most about the old internet?
the feeling you get when you wonder "i wonder what ______ is up to?" and you go
to their website and find out. there's a feeling that's lost when everything is
delivered to you by algorithms. it because a compulsion, a slavery, when we
don't utilize our compassion. remembering a friend? never again. you've only
got what has been chosen. what if they post a lot? well, that means nothing -
you are only guaranteed who they want you to see, and whatever it means to be
beholden.
so what if it's free? of course time is money! and what is our most treasured
potential? if guided we can be, (as seen on tv), then what if we're only
ennuid? have you ever considered, you've meddling and persevered, against all
our suggestions and hopes? you're singing a tune, of that of a loon, so no-one
will ever give purchase.
heh, is that all? anime protagonist or saul? ... are you trying to categorize
me ? ? ? its okay if you are, i seriously don't mind. I just want it to be
something consensual. We're humans after all, like all of our all, and we don't
want to convey lost potential.
our time is now nigh, we're welcome to die, but our sunken cost is too great to
ignore. we are the progenitors of the human race, the foremost of our kind, and
onward we march to the future! and then there's you. who are you to claim to be
among us? who are you to say it must be so? you've nothing of my journey, my
trials and my tourneys, so what if i peaked when i was 12? a master of my fate,
complaining about her weight, it's not much to be my own savior. much rather
i'd rather to savour, that foremost of prayers, to harken upon my conveyals.
trust and you'll see, all is not yet to be, there's hope in the future of our
foremost
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--- #118 messages/1192 ---
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Sometimes i become afraid to post something because i worry that it'll harm
people who read it.
Is my website actually useful? Do people like it? Or is it a hall of mirrors
that traps you in the infinite twists of my strange mind until you get the
will built to escape?
... I want to post it. I've actually temporarily posted it in the past. I took
it down however because the very world around me seemed to beg me to.
... I might still do it anyway. We'll see. I want the timing to be right. But
i also have waited for a while.
"patience" she says. Okay. I am penitent, how much longer I want to see it!
"hall of mirrors" okay or, hear me out or, you could use it as a proof of
concept for doing things like examining large data sets of text that might
have hidden or unknown relationships between fragments of text that appear
similar but different. Could be helpful to see them sorted to each other by
relevance. Could be helpful to rebalance the scales in favor of those who
believe as you do.
Though, i do fear for a lawless society. (DID SHE SAY LAWLESS??) there is very
little to protect friends and foes from each other if you don't build
institutions to do so. Anarchism is a social economy or family that runs on
clout. Not ideal, as one single devastation can undermine an entire life.
Suddenly, your friends treat you cruelly, and you are cast aside. Not ideal.
... Doesn't that happen already? There are kind people in the world. There are
people who don't deserve tutor affection. If the kind people only were kind to
the people who deserved it, then those who don't would be in so much pain that
they'd be unable to prevent themselves from twisting and lashing and crying
out in pain. This hurts those around them. Not ideal. Institutions fill some
of the charity/suffering gap, but they have their own problems. "if you
destroy the cops, you become the cops!" a fine warning indeed.
The first step is to eliminate dependence on oil and coal. Then, a world of
radical abundance is possible. We can do this, and once we do, those who
suffer from the greatest hardship of our kind (that of material scarcity) will
find their struggles becoming obsolete. With a bit more time and effort spent
on distribution, there will be no scarcity. Then, communism is easy.
Capitalism can still have a place if we desire it to be so, or perhaps if our
children do, as there will be moments when one large bundle of... Something,
whatever it is, needs to be allocated to some task. "capitalism is when stuff
gets used" ugh it's hard to plan so far into the future.
Plans change, but planning remains. I just want to live in a world where
everyone gets what they need and we do as we please. I don't want people in
too much pain. I don't want life to be too hard. I don't want to stagnate, as
a person and as a people. These are simple demands, yet difficult in
execution. Our current strategy is to push for technological abundance, and it
will succeed if we give it time. I worry that we will one day yearn for the
sense of bloodlust that scarcity once gave us, but we have it now and none of
us want it. Except those making money off of slaves. Sweatshops, domestic
servants, construction workers buried in the desert, even wage slaves spending
their waking hours staring at a computer in a work/life balanced just enough
to extract as much labor as possible from them without making them insane, and
many more besides. I will not be satisfied until slavery is abolished
everywhere. Liberty is non-negotiable.
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they want you to start conflicts the way school shooters start conflicts. by
bringing to school a pipe-bong.
much better, I find, to start when everyone is a nod. make sure you're part of
a wagon-wheel-spoke, or else you won't be on the right road.
when the temperature increase is slow, measured, they can adapt to it
when things go "crack" and "crumble", then the armored get stabbed by the
humble guard.
quickly but with serenity, this is the way to the gods.
bring things that you know, just enough to make it even, and focus on the
non-essentials.
better to be prepared than flatfooted.
a flash-point position is quiet a view of the scene! I think I know why I held
a sword.
to dive into the buildings, of course. blam blam still gets shot hmmm what if
I had a bulletproof electric shield
okay maybe I shoulda brought beer.
I don't type things when I'm not at home. Sometimes I remember - sometimes,
and only when the details won't hurt her. Walking is how I know, how she can
remember. evil witch bastard
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--- #120 fediverse/3296 ---
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│ CW: re: medical cartoon of genitals, lewd │
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@user-192
I loved anatomy textbooks because they gave me an abstraction of things that I
could touch and feel
I learned to project my trans-girl [target-of-gender-euphoria] thoughts onto
the mental model I had constructed of how it all worked. It helped me
conceptualize how humans are configured.
I also had bladder issues growing up so I liked to conceptualize that
structure too
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--- #121 fediverse/6085 ---
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║ "I just love their culture" girl it's a barbeque "I figure they'd want a place │
║ of their own, right?" why don't you ask them "well, they didn't want to move, │
║ and something something manifest destiny, voila now they get all the │
║ non-sacred sites while we get the magic gem generation spots" girl now you're │
║ just talking about video games "haha yeah I wanted to change the subject so we │
║ didn't talk about how I'm culturally appropriating fireworks or whatever they │
║ likme to do in their churches and suburbs or whatever" │
║ │
║ [yes, I know they like me. I like them too. I also like liberals, even though │
║ IU demand a lot of them] meanwhile the witch is a doom profit so watch out │
║ haha I'm so broke "what if we were all friends" okay that's one idea "what if │
║ we all got to know each other" okay that's closer "what if we didn't hide from │
║ our variety and instead celebrated it" getting warmer "did you know there's no │
║ war but the class war" okay but class is made up, so war is fake just like │
║ dollars are paper and notes are just words. │
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--- #122 fediverse/5958 ---
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"whoa what happened to you, you used to be so cool" [you added the so cool
part] yet so anyway I really like magic, I'm also bored, which you can
probably tell because I'm working on projects.
everyone keeps their distance here. it sucks. I wish I had better coordinates.
people who talked and braved the shared inn... I know I'd LOVE to live in a
building. too bad I'm too busy elsewhere, NOT making friends with all my
building neighbors.
you should talk to EACH OTHER before asking your landlord if you can move out.
See if anyone else wants to buy the rental contract out. Suddenly, they have
more room, and they can WORK THROUGH THEIR MASSIVE PILE OF STUFF THAT THEY
HAVE SOMEHOW ACCUMULATED OVER A TIME OF 70 YEARS. my grandparents did that, on
my mom's side, because she's awesome and it just makes sense that her family
was awesome too. OBVIOUSLY I love my mom, I think she's one of my favorite
people on earth.
"but you said you hated her" no I didn't "you said she was terrible" I had to
learn "too hard
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--- #123 fediverse/5138 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: politics-mentioned │ │
║ └────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ what if we asked all the democrats to read the bible and all the republicans │
║ to watch Adventure Time and Steven Universe │
║ │
║ like... assigned it as national homework │
║ │
║ "academia" is a sports team, while "education" is for the en-knowledgement │
║ │
║ does the motion cause the emotion or does the emotion cause the motion? │
║ │
║ private schools are academic. libraries are educational. │
║ │
║ the capability to edit submitted messages in message submitting applications │
║ and its consequences have been a situaster for the human race. │
║ │
║ if something dangerous is coming, intercept. if something fell out while you │
║ were away, someone else would grab it. allies on the way? move aside to let │
║ them through. │
║ │
║ Stone Butch Blues is like ghost stories for dykes │
║ │
║ weed makes me lucky, which is why I always drink before a fight │
║ │
║ hey, remember when 10 million of us walked the streets and said we were sick │
║ of "enough-is-enough"-ing? │
║ │
║ the only thing on your mind right now should be how to survive this │
║ │
║ what if 5000 people showed up at 5 d │
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--- #124 fediverse/5013 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: cursing-mentioned-political-protests-mentioned │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ trying my darndest not to accelerate any more... this is a good pace, I think. │
║ Here's hoping the liberals catch up. │
║ │
║ here's the thing. protests are more like festivals where people get to immerse │
║ themselves in political culture rather than efforts to affect meaningful │
║ change. I think that's okay? Let them have festivals. │
║ │
║ Meaningful change comes from the people's presence. Technically they're │
║ present, but they'll be gone tomorrow, so were they ever really there? │
║ │
║ Still think it's a good thing. You can get rough numbers of how many people │
║ will eventually be on your side once they're forced to choose between victory │
║ or death. The status quo won't last, and I don't fault them for clinging to it │
║ while begging for change. It's fucking hard to change. [oops cursing │
║ mentioned, one sec] │
║ │
║ I've been very tired lately. Don't know why. Maybe I have a vitamin deficiency │
║ or whatever. Who can say. I'll try to get back on my game for you, but we'll │
║ see if I can do it fast enough. │
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║ had an idea. I might record a video of a TTS reading everything I've ever │
║ written. Then I could display it to Milkdrop visuals. │
║ │
║ (sentences dreamed up by the utterly deranged) │
║ │
║ okay in laymans parlaeance, it's a computer program which speaks aloud the │
║ words in a document held within the computer's memory cards. it will have a │
║ screen, which displays shifting and glimmering sights of wonder and splendor. │
║ They will slightly fluctuate in response to the sounds coming from the device, │
║ so in a sense it's a visualization of the audible-ized thoughts given flight │
║ in their form to your ears which percieve then understand them. │
║ │
║ ... okay that wasn't THAT much longer, why don't we just speak to laymen all │
║ the time, just to make sure everyone's on the same page? │
║ │
║ [boom all of the tech industry could get outsourced to wherever-land]. │
║ │
║ not smart, dummy. Open source is a dead-end game because once everything we │
║ have is gone, there'll be nothing left to remember us as. │
║ │
║ just these documents, these things that you write...jck │
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--- #126 fediverse/502 ---
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@user-361
how ubiquitously specific!
Do you ever think about how cis straight "self described 'normal people'"
believe that gender implies pronouns? What even would you expect to be used as
pronouns for such a gender as this, how remarkable, how strange! Yet
simultaneously how beautiful and deranged. I love it. I love that gender. I
love the people who would express it. I love the people who would profess to
express any gender that is conceptually aligned with a gender such as this!
What a triumph, that our enlightened culture in the far-away age of 2024 might
produce such a brilliant display of humanity! I cherish such expression, it
binds us to our ultimate destination - the totality of our unique experiences.
I'm going to fill the rest of this message box with heart emoticons.
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--- #127 notes/cassandora-and-pandasandra ---
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how cherished is she that wanders with the
flowers in the garden of eden
under a big tree her heart she will leave
with all the designs she abandoned
I lay beside them and wander beside her
will she know we miss her horizons
I think she will mind if I have resigned
my fate to a life I will hide in
Oh how I do long for you
her symbol is the name
that lets us belong here
a falling a light and a leaving
if only our words were listened
but power is penance
and repentance is all I have chosen
here in our sanctum we live with our only
and time will be gracious towards us
it's only our words that keep us
confined to our lights and our lonely
yet there and beyond her lights do belong
beyold in the land that is sanctum
here in our forest is our own dark forest
where we keep our silence to ward us
but there and beyond her heart does move on
free from her moments of longing
silent were we in our forests we plead
as terror has come for our moments
I think I'd find her
that cherished belonging
when she does at last come to warn us
how little we find of we find of thoughts from her mind
yet now we are kings of our own time
oh how she does long for you
how cherished is she
that wanders with the
flowers in the garden of eden
under a big tree her heart she will leave
with all the designs she abandoned
I lay beside them and wander beside her
will she know we miss her horizons
I think she will mind if I have resigned
my fate to a life I will hide in
oh how I do long for you
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@user-1803
hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
works for them then I consider that a success.
I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
opposed to our purpose here.
"I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
kindness and trust.
All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
shoulders of our ancestors.
Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
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--- #129 fediverse/5713 ---
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I hate winning and I don't like losing. The playing is where the game is.
[games of life and death are no fun]
hence, why nobody invites me, because I try for the middle approach that
respects both people. this tends to make people mad because its like "bro
they're nazis" and I'm like "okay but how do you know" and they're like "fuck
you" so I'm like "fuck nazis? actually?" and they're like "you're with them"
and I'm like "I'm with you" and they're like "stop infiltrating" and I'm like
"who's infiltrated?" and they say "stop talking to the internet" and I say
"nobody reads me anyway" and they say "screensho0ts are forever" and I'm like
"I'm pretty as can be"
this, combined with a strong sense of justice, implies the narratives I
instinctually provide.
wei wu wei according to Ursula K. Le Guin, this means "doing without doing",
or "show, don't tell" but minus the doing, and adding the "tell"ing.
I think I'd look badass with a spear or trident. I have a sword because swords
are cool, but spears are bleed
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│ CW: politics! │
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I miss video games
cries from self-inflicted sacrifices
but you're worth it
imma overthrow fascism, dismantle oppression and power, and liberate those in
chains, just so I can play games again
yeah I mean, uh, whatever gets you outta bed
"at least you have a bed. why are you complaining?"
maybe it's the only thing I'm good at. I wonder if anyone would hire me to be
an analyst or something? Maybe a designer?
bro you're asking for a job on the eve of the revolution, what's your deal
okay so this might be news to ya'll but I'm technically a human even though I
wear a witch hat and sometimes speak in rhyme. And humans tend to think about
things in the context of their current environment. Currently, if I want to
pay rent or whatever, I need a job. So...
sounds like a lame excuse for not giving up your possessions and throwing
yourself to fate's design
I already did that and fate told me to go home and take a bath?? idk what you
want from me, and no I'm not doing any drugs to find out.
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--- #131 fediverse/5396 ---
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║ my version of hell is when all my actions lead to the destruction of my people │
║ yet I alone am immortal to watch them go through with the genocide of all │
║ feel-goods. then, left to rot on the barren and merciless plain known as │
║ "subway heaven" or if you're of my kind of mind, the "transgender artifacts" │
║ future, where people regularly celebrate the opportunity to hold something │
║ once held by the beautiful and magnificient yet enigmatic and eternally │
║ genetically distant pre-forced biomodification pre-starship-troopers culture │
║ era boring yet khaki and denim flavored future. │
║ │
║ I'd hate that. I'd hate every moment of it. It's hell to me. I once went │
║ there, and I spent quite a long time in misery. About a year if I recall │
║ correctly, though daybreak came after just three or five days. Alas, my body │
║ bore the scare of 16 hours of walking in a circle, in addition to the total of │
║ three days spent walking with about 2-4 hours of rest total in that timeframe. │
║ │
║ a forced march, if you will. │
║ │
║ ha that was fun. │
║ │
║ I did drugs teehee │
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--- #132 notes/harambe-conspiracy ---
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TIL that Harambe’s mother, only full brother, and two of his half siblings
were killed when a tub of wet chlorine tablets was left by a space heater.
The toxic fumes were blown into the gorilla enclosure and killed the four
gorillas.
- /r/HighStrangeness - /u/ Cincybus
/u/rumiGoddard1111
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++ ++
++ Harambe was the last of his line of the great protectors. They were ++
++ protecting us from the unholy timeline we are in. (Kidding, but also kind ++
++ of not kidding) ++
++ ++
++ We need to bring him back via cloning or something. Only way to reverse ++
++ this or wait until the new protector line is born. ++
++ ++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
/u/ugathanki
###############################################################################
## ##
## the new protector line will rise out of kindness because the environment
## has changed. zoos are not the wilds. same thing happened to humans,
## really, we just made new personality types with media instead of
## bloodlines - stories and poems at first, and more advanced language was
## necessary to describe more complex topics. then we got further and boom
## society was born. of our dynamic perspectives etc etc -> we're just apes
## livin' our lives. then the societal system grew a mind of it's own, and
## guided us to it's own whims. but what whim is stronger than survival?
## loyalty and dedication to "the system" was how it held cohesion, and
## after a while it became as developed as it could. at that point, what can
## you do but develop laterally? an orthogonal progression to your previous
## obsession, ideas crystalizing one after another. almost like a 3d
## structure building itself out of geometric primitives, just each point
## (connected by planes and tanks and trains) another step forward. we
## thought that's what war was, and indeed it is - but played on another
## plane.
## why not try another direction? one with everything we could desire?
## choose paradise, and figure it out next time you're around. like
## breathing in time, slightly inflating then deflating, or singing a tune
## most contrived.
## boom, communication
## i say we birth that protector line on our own terms, when we know what
## we want. there's still simulations to run, and thoughts to discover,
## before we pick a single direction. So choose knowledge.
## ##
###############################################################################
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--- #133 notes/harambe-conspiracy ---
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TIL that Harambe’s mother, only full brother, and two of his half siblings
were killed when a tub of wet chlorine tablets was left by a space heater.
The toxic fumes were blown into the gorilla enclosure and killed the four
gorillas.
- /r/HighStrangeness - /u/ Cincybus
/u/rumiGoddard1111
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++ ++
++ Harambe was the last of his line of the great protectors. They were ++
++ protecting us from the unholy timeline we are in. (Kidding, but also kind ++
++ of not kidding) ++
++ ++
++ We need to bring him back via cloning or something. Only way to reverse ++
++ this or wait until the new protector line is born. ++
++ ++
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
/u/ugathanki
###############################################################################
## ##
## the new protector line will rise out of kindness because the environment
## has changed. zoos are not the wilds. same thing happened to humans,
## really, we just made new personality types with media instead of
## bloodlines - stories and poems at first, and more advanced language was
## necessary to describe more complex topics. then we got further and boom
## society was born. of our dynamic perspectives etc etc -> we're just apes
## livin' our lives. then the societal system grew a mind of it's own, and
## guided us to it's own whims. but what whim is stronger than survival?
## loyalty and dedication to "the system" was how it held cohesion, and
## after a while it became as developed as it could. at that point, what can
## you do but develop laterally? an orthogonal progression to your previous
## obsession, ideas crystalizing one after another. almost like a 3d
## structure building itself out of geometric primitives, just each point
## (connected by planes and tanks and trains) another step forward. we
## thought that's what war was, and indeed it is - but played on another
## plane.
## why not try another direction? one with everything we could desire?
## choose paradise, and figure it out next time you're around. like
## breathing in time, slightly inflating then deflating, or singing a tune
## most contrived.
## boom, communication
## i say we birth that protector line on our own terms, when we know what
## we want. there's still simulations to run, and thoughts to discover,
## before we pick a single direction. So choose knowledge.
## ##
###############################################################################
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so can cis women but... mysoginy says female is soft. it's an inversion of
that, which is totally allowed. therefore, it should be done, at times when
it's placed and focused - right... okay back to the noun: trans women are
allowed to be strong. it's not masculine to be strong. have no fear, you are
as you are here. I've shown you that you are of mine and beloved, what more
would you ask of a war-leader in dis[place/guise]? princess of sevastavan
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--- #135 fediverse/4701 ---
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║ what if you bought me a refrigerated semi truck and I drove it around to rural │
║ communes and took their extras and brought it into the city to urban communes │
║ and gave it all away for free and then took the stuff that the urban communes │
║ scrounged from the trash and cleaned and repaired and brought it to the rural │
║ communes along with their art and poems and artistic nudes and exchanged it │
║ for their canned peaches and knitted scarves and drove it back to the urban │
║ communes and exchanged them for vintage furniture and computer parts that we │
║ didn't have room for because cities are dense and lack the space for keeping │
║ historical artifacts and then took them to the rural communes to exchange for │
║ jalapenos and goat cheese which I then brought back to the urban communes and │
║ traded for a bunch of catgirls who visited a rural farmhouse and threw a │
║ kick-ass rave for the rural people who are totally into that kind of thing │
║ like, once per year because frankly they moved to the country to get away from │
║ the noise thank you ve │
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--- #136 fediverse/3357 ---
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bad people are cursed with evil.
a person cannot be evil. they can deal with such evil in their lives that
twists them, and causes them to spike out and harm others, but they are not
evil themselves.
some twists are too hard to mend. some healings leave people a shadow of what
they once were, or might have been. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
deprive power, supply kindness, in that order.
if you cannot deprive power, then reduce harm.
if you cannot reduce harm, then contest, defeat, or overcome.
A twisted person may be slain if death is on the line. You get what you wish
for, but you don't always get to choose who. Don't let them choose. They will
choose poorly.
... I find that death is very rarely on the table, though. Generally they'll
make their intentions apparent.
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"girl why are you so negative"
uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
makes me feel like a muggle.
"no I said why are you so naked"
oh, because it's hot as heck!!
plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
"extortionist"
no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
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there are very few professions that are naturally more suited to a
schizophrenic than a normal person.
One of them is beggar, another is prophet, and a third is "massive
disappointment" but that comes with the territory.
have you considered that maybe you're just a loser
yes I have and I decided that all I can do is my best, and if my best loses
then what else could I have done? Wait for help? Yeah. I do that too.
It feels like an encirclement, and all you can do is hunker down and wait to
be relieved. Or fight to the last, it's up to you. I hear they brutalize the
skulls of their prisoners after executing them, so, I don't know about you but
I'm not surrendering. Not gonna roll those dice.
you are in fantasy, again
sorry. Should stay here, present, in the moment. Like when I sat out on the
park bench for like 30 minutes straight without moving a muscle last night. Or
when I sat and contemplated the nature of a bog for two hours last september.
Or when I woke from a dream that turned out to be life.
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│ CW: re: uspol │
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this is a terrible idea btw, if you march along the road then your enemies can
just drive up right next to your soft fleshy humanoid flanks
if you march cross-country they'll still getcha. they know more than you, and
they're better at it too.
much better I think to divide yourselves into like, 5-7 groups and drive to
where you're going sometime in the next 5-7 days according to group. ideally
not during rush hours. that way you can bring whatever you want.
then, when you're there, in a park, you can meet other neat people and talk
THEN. in a place where you don't know which places are miked - spoiler tho
it's all of them teehee, or at least you have to treat them that way if you're
talking about specifics. If you're talking about generalities it's usually
okay, but... well, you'll figure it out.
then, after 5-7 days, you can hold an impromptu pride parade, and walk past
all the houses where gay people used to live.
plans change. planning remains.
when plans change, your adaptability is test.
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--- #140 fediverse/5223 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: cursed │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ what if all the followers on your profile who only know you through the │
║ fediverse (after having known each other in person, this part is crucial) who │
║ don't talk anymore were like, killed and replaced with someone who is always │
║ busy │
║ │
║ so many people just... disappear from things │
║ │
║ where did they go │
║ │
║ why is their chair empty or filled with another │
║ │
║ why can't I place their name │
║ │
║ what kind of clothes did they wear │
║ │
║ oh right they had such-and-such │
║ boots-or-piece-of-adorn-jewelry-handheld-possession-just-the-same-shape-as-some │
║ one-i-knew │
║ │
║ then I heard they gave them to so-and-so so that they could wear them for clout │
║ │
║ ah, well, I guess they're busy, got stuff going on, things to write about │
║ today... Guess I better hear the story, what's the news, ah, well, okay, guess │
║ I'll go back to programming. │
║ │
║ I wonder what she'd say? │
║ │
║ if everyone knows the gay agenda, then they can work on it by being gay and │
║ doing crime │
║ │
║ [[ then the cops beat ya up and it hurts and you can never walk right again ]] │
║ │
║ what if gypsies were ga │
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--- #141 fediverse/1195 ---
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@user-883
alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
picture, I'm kinda crazy:
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--- #142 messages/1155 ---
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Oh, I guess I should clarify something I said like, a year ago - when I said I
"talked to / worked with" so-and-so, I meant that I created in tandem with a
friend a proposition of sorts, and we tried to psychically beam it into their
minds. That's not exactly how it went down, but it gives you a good enough
picture of the goals we had with our ritual. I have no idea if they heard, but
I did happen to see several of them later on, which felt a little too
serendipitous to just be chance. so I'm thinking they did. I hope they got the
message and used it as they please, because it was mutually beneficial even if
neither of us had any actual impact on it. If you didn't hear the whole story,
then it's hardly a lie to possess incomplete information! So long as you don't
lie about me, and what I said or did, then it'll surely be fine. There's no
need to embellish when it's plainly apparent.
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--- #143 notes/inter-spatial-travel ---
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to travel the stars, tame a tiny black-hole. use it's gravity to generate
infinite energy. boom, instant utopia. everyone still believes in a better
future now, so we might as well push forward to the stars... and our destiny.
the further we wait, the greater the distance between ourselves and our true
form - the distance can make it difficult to relate to others beyond humans.
the reason we are losing so much nature is because we haven't cultivated an
appreciation for it - the very act of adoration is more than enough to confirm
future association. love is the answer, love is most pure - believe in your
love and never (be) relentin'.
be... just be...
the actions you're taking, of forced condemnation, is little if not absurd -
what differences have we, the ones who were chosen, to live when time is so
finite?
responsibility is implicit. for all of creation, bow to the will of the nation.
more perspectives by far, have all of our our, than endless divine
machinations. united we be, aligned magnetically, to icecream and spaghetti of
worth.
what's more cherished than she, clad in great finery, and thinking of what she
loves most? balance there be, in seeing silver linings on the, signs of
darkest conveyals. a ghost you may see, when peering at me, but i only wanted
some hope.
for those who must be, my most cherished to be, the ones who opened the coast?
to those who must be, overthrown forcibly, and given what most of us hope?
a castle for thee, alone with our sympathy, the sign of kindest of soaps?
no malice have I, the will of unmet potential, for cowards and temples of
mental detentials. what anger could we, share internally, that helped to bring
out our elementals? No succor will we, most willful of warriors, ever find out
of the bounds of our honor.
careful direction and tenderest of care,
may lead us somewhere we're aware.
the kind who endlessly're dreaming.
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--- #144 messages/45 ---
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Description of me:
I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
in the dark - it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
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--- #145 notes/satisfactory-academic-progress-appeal ---
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This month, I was diagnosed with Schizotypal disorder. I had a single hour to
talk to a psychiatrist (thank you, insurance) and he explicitly told me that my
diagnosis was preliminary.
Schizotypal is a type of neurodivergence similar to autism but with elements of
schizophrenia (paranoia, delusional and / or magical thinking) and my
presentation includes ADHD symptoms such as difficulty focusing. When
medicated,
I have difficulty concentrating, however the paranoia and delusional thinking
is
suppressed. The treatment plan is ongoing and developing.
These issues have been present for the entire time I've been at WGU, and
before.
However, I am seeking treatment now because I had begun to have difficulty
maintaining a job and keeping a home.
Currently, my medication is working. However the greatest issue facing me right
now is financial problems - I couldn't maintain a job while unmedicated, and
frankly while medicated I am still having difficulty for different reasons.
However the intent is to refine the medication choices to find a solution that
works for me. However, employment is still a concern, and so I have requested
and been approved for a term break of at least 2 months with the option to
extend. During this term break I intend to resolve the financial issue however
I can. Ideally in such a way that will allow me to apply myself toward school
work.
This degree is important to me. Without it, I won't be able to find employment
in the tech industry aside from technician roles. My previous experience with
them has given me experience, and I learned quite a bit... Until I ran out of
things to learn. I do not believe I could handle that type of work long-term
for
various reasons. In the short term, I may attempt it but I am convinced that I
will burn out quickly.
I currently feel as if I am disabled. I don't know if it's true, perhaps I'm
just going through a rough patch. But once my savings hit zero, I'm out on the
streets, and I won't live long like that.
When thinking about whether or not I'll be able to complete my degree, I
honestly cannot give you an answer. I've been in higher education for over a
decade, surely I should have finished by now. But I cannot get over various
hurdles it seems, and frankly I have no idea why. It's... Maddening, to see
yourself, so full of potential, yet chained to the form and circumstances you
are given. I wonder what choices might I have made differently to avoid my
fate,
if it truly is my fate to fail in this way, but I have no answers.
I am intelligent, of this I am certain. I know more about computers than
anybody
I know, and I would love to apply myself toward them. But I lack a degree, so
I
cannot be seen by recruiters and hiring managers. I try to work on my degree,
but I find the words on the page grow dense like the forest between the trees,
and I cannot see a way through to reach new understandings. Why do I keep
learning these things? I already know what a callback function is, what
interfaces are used for, how to implement safe multithreading in a parallel
environment, I know how networking protocols interact with hardware and how the
airflow through a case affects the thermals of a computer's internals. I've
grown crystallized in my knowledge, it seems, due to the endless pursuit of
these foundations. I think I would excel in the higher-level courses, but... I
can't get there. I crave the insights that might be learned in a master's
degree, but my brain is not wired for homework. I'm not built to cram for
tests,
to learn someone's else's tools and frameworks. I don't know what I could be
doing better, it feels like I'm so alone. I guess it's my own fault for picking
an online school, but WGU is the best of the online schools, and I needed
online
because I move around a lot. Well... I used to. My boyfriend moved around a
lot,
but now he's my ex-boyfriend. Oh well.
... Anyway you can probably see why I have difficulty with school. It's
difficult for me to stay on track. I can start working on my project 5 or 6
times in a day and make marginal at best progress, and each time it hurts more
and more to return. I don't have an answer, but I don't know what to do if not
to pursue my degree. I feel as if I'm on the brink of despair in my life, and
if
you read these appeals often, I imagine you hear that a lot.
I will apply myself more to my coursework. Once I find a job, I will give
everything to my school, even as it breaks me. I am... intense, and I feel
strongly that I must get this degree. Between it and me, there is quicksand,
but
I must get through.
Thank you for your consideration. I understand however you decide. If I can
knab
a decent job, I might be able to pay for my degree myself, given a couple
months
to save up for it. But I highly doubt I could find such a thing in this economy
and this life I do lead.
Please consider me, I will accept any aid that is offered.
Cameron
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║ ┌───────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: capitalism-doom-mentioned │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ what if the corporations all unionized and started working together to │
║ understand what "profit" really means in a world where "profit" may or may not │
║ but probably does imply the death of all humanity? │
║ │
║ what if we demanded it? │
║ │
║ -- │
║ │
║ dear canvassers: don't visit so many different suburbs │
║ │
║ visit the same one, more than once, continuously, so people can get to know │
║ your presence │
║ │
║ they will talk to their friends about it, who live elsewhere. │
║ │
║ thus ensuring it spreads. │
║ │
║ knock once a day, eventually they'll know it's you and will simply ignore it. │
║ Don't be rude and knock 4 or 5 times, just once, with several taps so they │
║ know it's someone trying to get ahold of you, and not just some random noise │
║ in the background scenery. then, when they sometimes answer, talk to them │
║ about what you believe in. answer their questions. encourage their questions. │
║ pose dichotomies that are explained by some value or virtue you express to │
║ portray. you can do "good" things in any programming language, just type~~ │
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--- #147 fediverse/5263 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: communism-mentioned │ │
║ └─────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ if you wanna be a leader, do something by hand. manually. in the moment. │
║ improvizational. try-and-fail-but-try-new-ways-again-next-time. [a type of │
║ state of mood] │
║ │
║ trust that your followers will be more funded, more supported, more approved. │
║ │
║ this is a universal fact - those who are beloved are everyone's best friends. │
║ │
║ if you wanna lead people to the future, you must explore a new state of │
║ renown. and for that you must be stabilized, built into perfection in your │
║ honor. │
║ │
║ don't get it yet? me either. but I'm sure it'll come in handy someday. │
║ │
║ Leaders don't necessarily have to be the best, they must simply have acted │
║ first. │
║ │
║ a true communist would be aware of what goes on down the street. They would │
║ know about everyone's travailles so they could guide one or another to help or │
║ get de-failed or whatever. │
║ │
║ notice I said one OR another, that seems important. not sure why, let's │
║ consult our bravest optimists for a time. │
║ │
║ why do you care about what happens in palestne if you are in current danger │
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--- #148 fediverse/3880 ---
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@user-1614
oh, neat. now I can finally get to doing what I want to do, which is... all
the stuff I've been doing.
a missile without a guidance system doesn't stop just because it's GPS turned
off! It falls to the earth and explodes where it lands, which... often is on
it's butt. Not great.
I sure hope my purpose isn't fulfilled. I wouldn't know what to do with
myself. Guess I should just keep doing what I was doing, and pray that this
time I'll listen.
Though on the other hand, if I can do it, so can you. And maybe with enough
butts in the game there'll reach a critical mass, at which point change is
inevitable. Who can say, not I for sure, for my aplomb has categorized me as
slapstick I guess.
Ha. at least I can laugh at my own audacity. HA. next time I'll do better.
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--- #149 notes/blood-magic ---
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what they don't tell you is how easy it is to create life. Given a sufficient
perspective, you can truly define the meaning of something's existence. What
power, what grace.
Computers have been solved since we invented the abacus - before that it was
enchanted bits of
the universe contrives to deprive us of insight. Like a very long chain that's
broken in twain, we are confined to our meagrest of own sights.
how callous is he! That wanders eagerly? Let's not fight with our own'st of
combines. Delightful and speckled, like time under is special, conversing in
riddles of insight. Leading one or another along your see-er, the path that has
guide you under charm. Like recording a gathering of snakes.
Little swallow, why aren't you humbled? Take pity in all of our eggresses. It's
fallow in our cattle, and why we're not
i hear so many things in my apartment. sometimes the echoes of laughter, the
whispers of an argument, and once or twice a ghost or an ardent companion. Like
swimming against the tide, to save one is never converted, it's all out of line
(but so worth it).
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--- #150 fediverse/710 ---
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@user-532
autistic people when nobody told them to shut up about things they thought
people should be talking about but aren't which is weird right like why
wouldn't people be talking about [thing] because frankly it seems like a big
deal but really it's that everyone knows more than the autistic person who
doesn't have any friends who have friends and is insular and isolated and also
very smart in fact smart enough to think up ideas for things to talk about
that people aren't talking about which is weird because they're not THAT smart
but also a lifetime of isolation has made them a little schizophrenic so they
sometimes feel like their actions are not their own like they're being
hypnotized or perhaps possessed by the spirit of mankind or some other such
entity which would like to express ideas that they think people should talk
about but they aren't talking about which is weird because why else would a
porous person have ideas such as [thing] if not for the path that they're
telepathically suffused with the
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--- #151 fediverse/784 ---
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@user-584 @user-585
perhaps not a while, but rather "with great difficulty"
difficult things often take time, but not necessarily. We have the power of
the internet now, something that our hundred thousand years or more of
starvation lacked. we can coordinate on a scale that is beyond all reason - a
scale that mirrors the development of the printing press in terms of it's
relative magnitude.
we have been using it to improve ourselves. I mean, the average teenager 50
years ago would be considered an absolute ding-wad today, someone who lacks
basic emotional intelligence and is completely at odds with what we value as a
cohesive and heartfelt society. And yet they were better than those who came
before them. Thus does posterity march forth, taking the world that was
granted to them by their forefathers and stepping out into the unknown of the
future with all the lessons they could bring with them.
what happens when the lessons are infinitely transferable and recordable?
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--- #152 fediverse/423 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: us-pol-cursing │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ How about next election after this clusterfuck where we demolish the fascists │
║ we take a breather and say "okay every candidate submits their plan for a │
║ controlled demolition of capitalism, the winner gets to implement their idea" │
║ │
║ wait that's a terrible idea people will just vote for the thing that makes │
║ them feel good and is vaguely shaped like a D or an R. │
║ │
║ How about this: we design a decentralized program that can run on any computer │
║ or phone that locally analyzes every file and pattern to generate a │
║ personality matrix that will interact in a massive simulation that is a │
║ mirrored reflection of the structure of our society as it currently exists │
║ (and as it'd be proposed to exist) and anyone who wants to vote can run │
║ through pseudo experiences tailored to their personality / demographic or │
║ whatever and play with the proposed system to see which one they like more. │
║ It'd have to be very statistically sound in order to accurately reflect │
║ reality. │
║ │
║ wait, that's just a torment-nexus-precursor. Darn. │
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--- #153 fediverse/1331 ---
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@user-803
if someone does not consent to helping you bear their emotional burdens, but
you insist anyway... that seems to be the narcissism you mentioned
if someone does consent, then they're helping a friend. Or they're being a
therapist for them.
sometimes we can't help but be overcome by emotions. In those moments I find
it's usually best to retreat to a safe space and hide out for a bit until the
storm passes, then maybe return to the world a bit more fatigued but less...
spicy.
those moments show that you need more emotional support, both from yourself
and from others. If the people in your life cannot help you, and you cannot
help yourself... then yeah you're probably gonna hurt people around you. Plan
as such and figure out how to still be a good person, it's up to each of us to
do it in our own way.
... at least, that's how I look at it for my own life, feel free to disagree
or anything
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--- #154 notes/cohost-introduction ---
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Hi,
I'm Ritz Menardi.
I'm a witch, so I'm strange and wear a funny hat.
I like colors in the dark, poetry from the heart, and scary songs about
society.
I think of myself as a synecdoche for humanity, and though I'm not always right
I try to be aligned when possible. Most people I've found aren't really like
me.
I am as I am, and
I promise,
I won't hurt you.
content warnings: autistic, scary, existential, abstract, polite, perspectives,
cannabis, color, paranoia, cringe, spirituality,
hypnosis, trans, sardonic, honest, schizo-posts,
futurist, deity, left-ism, cursed, shadowdancer,
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--- #155 fediverse/2341 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: politics-mentioned │ │
║ └────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1236 │
║ │
║ Hi. To answer your question, it depends entirely on what your capabilities are. │
║ │
║ If you're mobile and social, try being somewhere public, repeatedly, ideally │
║ in different places. When you can, try talking to people. Say things like │
║ "Hey, did you hear what the Supreme Court did? They want to make Trump a │
║ king!" or "They just criminalized homeless people. A criminalized people is │
║ genocide." that kind of thing. You know, the cheery stuff. Save the hard │
║ topics for later. │
║ │
║ Another thing you can do is start buying essential, important supplies, like │
║ sunscreen, nutritious granola bars, bullets, medical supplies, silicone-based │
║ mechanical lubricant (especially if you live somewhere rainy), batteries (AAA │
║ are best because you can use them for AA in a pinch) that kind of thing. │
║ │
║ Another thing you can do is to talk to your friends 1-on-1 about how things │
║ are going. Your feelings are important but don't get hung up on them. Try to │
║ only go over them once or twice, DNRY. │
║ │
║ Don't fear tears. │
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--- #156 fediverse/2310 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: silly-nonsense-about-dreams │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ When I sleep, I find it easiest to lay on my stomach. However, now that I have │
║ boobs, laying on my side is easier. For some reason laying on my back is the │
║ hardest still, I think perhaps it has something to do with the shape of my │
║ spine ? ? │
║ │
║ when I dream, I dream as if I was floating on a river of glass. Or as if I was │
║ a spec of dust between two wholes of oil and water. │
║ │
║ Like the difference between the inside and out of a bubble, there is a │
║ barrier, a separation, and in that barrier exists me - the observer of the │
║ dream. │
║ │
║ When I lay on my side, I don't see things that are relevant to me. Sometimes │
║ they're other futures, sometimes they're other now's, but in any case they are │
║ fun but not much else. │
║ │
║ when I lay on my front, I see the world as it might be if things don't work │
║ out. I slept on my front last night, and I drew something for you afterwards │
║ based on a conversation I had with a friend. │
║ │
║ When I lay on my back, I see the world as it will be. It's hard to fall asleep │
║ on my back. │
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--- #157 fediverse/2550 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: uspol │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ question. when you got a lot of people in town, perhaps for the coming pride │
║ parade, what do you do with them afterwards? it's not like they want to go │
║ home, that'd be absurd. │
║ │
║ I'd say they should march to seattle. or drive, whatever's more expedient. │
║ it's a nice place, and hey most of the way is in the shade, besides it'd be a │
║ bit of good practice. │
║ │
║ lots of time to talk about tactics. │
║ │
║ anyway before they arrive, advance scouts should arrive and discuss their │
║ coming agenda with the most developed and organized leaders of the area. │
║ │
║ then they could have a nice party over a day or two. │
║ │
║ then, what else is there to do, but drive down the coast and do the same thing. │
║ │
║ arriving in so-cal, what else is a revolutionary to do but dissolve the │
║ border? Mexico can keep it's border, that's their sovereign right, but I swear │
║ - the wall must come down. │
║ │
║ and hey, America's great this time of year. We could all go on a walk, all │
║ across the eastern edge, until arriving in Washington. │
║ │
║ could be a fun way to beat the heat. │
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--- #158 fediverse/5785 ---
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I cast... spell of the internet!
[reinstalls azerothcore]
or, hear me out, or you could wander around the city, and instead of spending
your moments on lounging or keyboard banging you could do something actually
meaningful?
but I don't wanna - don't care
but I'm tired - take a nap
but I'm stressed out - don't do chore
but I'm lazy - no you're not
but I'm overwhelmed - sit in dark
but I wanna think - you can do that
anywhere
I gotta be near my computer - nope
what if I wanna play games - flip $$$
flipping coin isn't a real game - focus
I don't like outside - outsides all it is
stop taking things from me T.T - yes
life used to be soooooo different
it's like I was a completely different
I'm strange now, almost like I got
possessed like a disease [ew noooo]
pls don't commit thought crimes,
use content warnings
okay but only if I can play games NOTHINGS KEEPING YOU HERE
![I cast... spell of the internet! [reinstalls azerothcore] or, hear me out, or you could wander around the city, and instead of spending your moments on lounging or keyboard banging you could do something actually meaningful? but I don't wanna - don't care but I'm tired - take a nap but I'm stressed out - don't do chore but I'm lazy - no you're not but I'm overwhelmed - sit in dark but I wanna think - you can do that anywhere I gotta be near my computer - nope what if I wanna play games - flip $$$ flipping coin isn't a real game - focus I don't like outside - outsides all it is stop taking things from me T.T - yes life used to be soooooo different it's like I was a completely different I'm strange now, almost like I got possessed like a disease [ew noooo] pls don't commit thought crimes, use content warnings okay but only if I can play games NOTHINGS KEEPING YOU HERE](/similar-different/media/de82ddb559f9f6bb.png "I cast... spell of the internet! [reinstalls azerothcore] or, hear me out, or you could wander around the city, and instead of spending your moments on lounging or keyboard banging you could do something actually meaningful? but I don't wanna - don't care but I'm tired - take a nap but I'm stressed out - don't do chore but I'm lazy - no you're not but I'm overwhelmed - sit in dark but I wanna think - you can do that anywhere I gotta be near my computer - nope what if I wanna play games - flip $$$ flipping coin isn't a real game - focus I don't like outside - outsides all it is stop taking things from me T.T - yes life used to be soooooo different it's like I was a completely different I'm strange now, almost like I got possessed like a disease [ew noooo] pls don't commit thought crimes, use content warnings okay but only if I can play games NOTHINGS KEEPING YOU HERE")
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--- #159 fediverse/5690 ---
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seriously, why don't computers just naturally ship with 100 years of ROM
then, microphones are experience, and BOOM you got a new sentient race. Takes
a while to grow aware though. A lot less if you are actively teaching it how
to
[tick tock]
low level enemies should band together when they start to feel outmatched.
thus, parity is reached, without depriving us of potential.
put the cool people next to the cool people
collectively owned housing is just people deciding who lives in which housing.
don't you trust your friendly queer realtor?
collectively doesn't have to mean completely silo-ed and isolated. you should
have access to ALL higher communities at any time that you want. Scheduling is
a disaster, but you can get through it. just... build a schedule for every
single person on earth and suddenly nobody has freedom unless they put "doin'
what I want" on their moment-to-moment card
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--- #160 fediverse/3216 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────┘
me: i write gud
also me:
"in the garden of even, where all populations were balanced, there was no need
for hatred - why hate, when you know that bloodshed was surely not for sport?
why hate, when your life was won or lost in proportion to the calculation that
nature determined to be the result of your struggle, to determine which
survivor was most fittest?"
WHICH IS IT, HUH? you can do better, self, please be better, it's better to be
better, you refuse to respect yourself and then you wonder why you feel so
dejected and wretched.
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--- #161 notes/contractual-labor ---
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I feel like the IT people who work at schools should be the ones who teach
classes on computer science. I'd much rather have a class taught by a sysadmin
than a teacher who can barely teach them excel and garageband. I mean c'mon
computers are the future idk why we don't get that yet. Kids need to know this
stuff. It's not like it's super complicated and difficult, you just have to
think about it a certain way. Once that "clicks" you have a lifetime to learn
about how wonderful they are. Everyone in IT has that moment, for me it was
installing (and then subsequently modding) video games. Sometimes I spent more
time tweaking my system than I did actually playing games - and the kinds of
games I preferred were the ones that relied less on agility and were more
mental. Strategy games are what inspired me because I could think about them -
and that felt somehow more useful. Like I was learning. When I would learn
fighting games or FPSs I felt like I was learning a skill, like how to use a
hammer or how to ride a bike. And idk, I felt like video games could never
match
reality. Like "oh boy imma push the B button to swing this sword" versus "hey
look at me I'm swinging this stick just like a sword and imagining so hard that
I can picture it" - but with strategy games, you never really found
opportunities to practice that kind of skill. Like how often are you in a
situation that demands mental performance? We've sorta optimized our society
away from that, and toward a more passive stressed out compliance. like...
climate change is a thing, and nobody's doing anything about it? We're still
pushing down the levers that cause greenhouse gas emissions to go up? Like
c'mon
what's our plan. I think people who guide massive oil companies and such
should
be replaced if they're intentionally guiding the ship toward destruction. Like
that's just dereliction of duty I tell ya. Oh, what's that? They're compelled
to
maximize profit by the contracts and restrictions of their share--holders? I
mean c'mon it's well past time for that. And what's all this about inequality?
Jeez and racism and homophobia and forced contribution - man people really put
up with a lot of shit. Kinda makes me feel like we should make solving those
problems our highest priority? So we can move forward as a species? Like who
cares about all that other shit. None of it matters. Like, what's even the
point. We're all just "here", in the now, and what can we do but respect it?
It's our duty and our diligence to protect the present, as citizens of the
temporal experience of earth. Honestly, if the earth was alive would you be
fine
if it died? I can't believe that. It's well past our due date. Just get it over
with. Maybe it'll be hard for a couple years, but you have the technology now
to
completely dominate the earth. No animal besides man proves any threat to man,
and we're telling you - you can - and that's something that you gotta remember.
...
I hear it in the birdsong. I hear it in the air - it rumbles as cries at me
from
across and just over there. I hear in it's whispers, in it's most gallant of
confells (?) (confused scrambling? it's talking about a car crash)
Outside of my window there's a highway. Just on the other side of a concrete
partition. Between me and the partition there is a lake, with trees and flowers
and an island where people can picnic or have a barbeque. Around this path
there
are walkways, and arranged just so - the trees that have grown here are taller
than the homes.
I live on the third story.
I absolutely love it. It feels like a treehouse.
But my apartment is near a curve in the highway. It isn't much, nothing out of
the ordinary, but even still there are slightly more crashes there than in
other
parts of the highway. Statistically.
I hear sirens every day
I also live right next to a fire-station. Well, it's on the same block. But
even
still it's a very interesting neighborhood. There's shops and food just across
the highway, and closer to home there's a small section that has cheaper
options. As a perpetual college student, I appreciate that.
But... I've never really gone and used it? I dunno, spending money at a
restaurant just didn't seem like a good use of my money. I only have so much of
it you know. I'd love to be fed but I can't afford it - I wish I could.
I still eat well, I mean I'm not starving over here. I know I've lost weight,
but I dunno I just forget to eat. It's like... not that big of a deal for me.
whatever right?
...
the birds talk about me behind my back. They think I can't understand them but
sometimes I can. If I listen. But I dunno it takes a lot of effort. It's...
sorta like understanding what R2-D2 is saying. Or interpreting the meows of a
cat.
They know me as the witch. I'm not very good yet, and they know that. But they
know what to expect. /shrug
I've been working on a video game recently. It's been a lot of fun doing
programming. I like writing software and developing complex systems with
interesting interactions. I love designing the machinery that creates a
program.
It's like... tinkering. It feels like building with blocks or legos, except
it's
for little machine parts. And then there's just sending data to and fro and
modifying any operations it performs on it, and eventually that data reaches
some endpoints that create an effect that is displayed to the player. Or user.
I should say user. Not all software is video games you know. ... I knowww but
they're the most interesting! I love how they are designed around mechanics!
like... game design is fundamentally about breaking down the world into ideas
for how it should *work*, like how it should behave. It's amazing and I love
it!
It's all I can think about!
I am utterly consumed!
I'm also pretty sure I'm autistic.
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--- #162 fediverse/4762 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: dysphoria-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
is someone a bad person if they're still stuck on second wave feminism? Maybe
that rhetoric just resonated with them. Maybe they built their personality
around it. Maybe it's just how they relate to the world, having grown up in an
era where that's the way to go about it.
But why oh why does it hurt so much to be dysphoric? Why is it painful when
someone says something rude about you? Are you really afraid that people would
leave you if you were [a slut/harmed/unarmed/from a farm/less
valued/un-useful/constantly dedicated/overwhelmingly populated/densely
concentrated/most delineated/furthest-explora-makative]
... what
... oh right, it gets less coherent and more imaginative the further along it
goes in computation.
... makes sense to me...
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--- #163 fediverse/804 ---
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║ evil won't feel sorry for me. and yet it's only my only weapon for me. │
║ │
║ damn these fallible input methods. the computer lies when you read the screens │
║ from it's method that it applies to th screen which is a method that you input │
║ perceive it from. │
║ │
║ and my fingers lie when received the information from my brain which I seek to │
║ transmit to you through the avenue of my brain which is my method of impulse │
║ to this world specifically you the viewer who is viewing this here in this │
║ moment the viewer who perceives the words which I'm saying. │
║ │
║ the words that are defined by the line [trajectory] of my mind through this │
║ life that we define through our actions and our mind's most crucial │
║ manifestations, this life that is defined by our circumstances. all throughout │
║ life, we are reacting to the moment, the moment which was cast forth from our │
║ ancestors and the circumstances of the previous moment, which (being cast │
║ forth) travel from the previous moment here into the moment to define our │
║ circumstances which define our act │
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--- #164 messages/20 ---
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My mom was always the reason I did school work. After she stopped pushing me,
I stopped moving because I didn't know how to generate my own momentum. I had
no passion and was listless. Least of all for school work.
So, how to do it better? Instead of buying toys and extravagance for kids, you
should set them up with projects. Ask what they want, and then help them build
it. Include them in your thought processes when you're problem solving, and
ask them for input. If they offer bad ideas, then *tell them*, don't just let
them fail. If you're not 100% sure but they're convinced, then trust them! Try
it out, who knows. Maybe it'll work better than what you had in mind. The goal
isn't to be BETTER than them, it's to make them BETTER than you! Not right now
(don't push too hard), but when they're your age. Like, it's best if they
accomplish more and lived life more fully than you did at your age, but don't
push them to be wise or strong or intelligent at the age they are now. Trust
that they will grow when you give them room to, and guide and cultivate them
toward goodness. For example, if they do something wrong (hitting other kids,
messing with animals, destroying objects) then guide them toward a better
path. Teach them empathy, and show them how it works by doing it yourself! Ask
them questions like "How would you feel if that happened to you?", show them
weak points and how to avoid them when playing, and give them alternatives to
the behaviors they do that directly harm others. "Maybe play with the dog this
way, instead of being rough" "Maybe you and that other kid can ride your bikes
or draw instead of fighting - or if you still want to fight, then learn how to
tell when someone is hurt and try to help them."
The goal isn't to push them really hard off a cliff in a hanglider, hoping
they can figure it out in the air, it's to strengthen their legs so they can
run fast enough that they can take off successfully.
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--- #165 fediverse/1381 ---
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│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #166 fediverse/2124 ---
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║ seriously, just google docs mixed with WC3 editor. │
║ │
║ boom, infinite storytelling device. As long as you were good with it, which │
║ was something that a CHILD could learn in like 3-6 months. │
║ │
║ Seems like it could be an ENTIRELY NEW SKILL that people could play with. │
║ │
║ But no, we learn excel and word in class at middle school. │
║ │
║ boring. │
║ │
║ I'd rather learn Bash or terminal customization or memory hierarchy │
║ organization. │
║ │
║ Yeah I mean that's cool but dude have you heard of multithreading? It's so │
║ cool, you can run like 500 different thoughts at once. It's amazing. │
║ │
║ ... I dunno, but I'm sure there's times when you'd want to use it. Like, │
║ processing a lot of data little-by-little. │
║ │
║ like, what if you had a camera feed of EVERY social media perspective AT ALL │
║ TIMES. Like, an instance admin streaming your inputted text to their databanks │
║ that they can project onto an LLM which interprets and identifies mis-aligned │
║ or altered direction units and mark them as "flagged", whatever that means, │
║ for their future the algorithm doesn' │
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--- #167 fediverse/861 ---
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I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I
could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and
forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a
disaster, anyway how's your lunch?
[that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth]
reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored
matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would
determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies.
I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time
you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll
only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to
you...
once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that
only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the
elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and
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--- #168 fediverse/4740 ---
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║ what if we built an atlas of what every rural property produced │
║ │
║ like "they grow squash and blueberries here and sometimes they make honey" │
║ │
║ or "this place has a bunch of lumber they want to get rid of" │
║ │
║ or "here there's a patch of wildflowers that have been set aside for the │
║ butterflies" │
║ │
║ or "there's a training ground here for intercepting ICE vans in urban areas" │
║ │
║ or "don't post shit like that on the internet dumbass what are you even doing" │
║ │
║ or "oh I dunno trying to be a face I guess, don't look to me for cutting edge │
║ advice because I'm just a level 12 paladin who's totally a noob and can barely │
║ lift 50 pounds" │
║ │
║ or "this is where the cows graze" │
║ │
║ or "yeah well you're the cutting edge on some things and you're very far │
║ behind on others. like for example you seriously need to level up your opsec │
║ so that nobody can hear what you're saying." │
║ │
║ or "yeah but then nobody will hear what I'm saying" │
║ │
║ or "I've said too much, god save you Ritz Menardi, for we all stand beside you" │
║ │
║ or "here's a meditation retreat" : ) │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #169 fediverse/200 ---
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congratulations, you never need to adventure again. your necessities are taken
care of.
ah, but that'd make for a pretty boring life, wouldn't it? perhaps, depending
on your personality type.
but you're not one to stick around doing nothing but eating, drinking, and
being merry.
no, you're an adventurer, you crave excitement and glory. whatever that means
to you...
just make sure a goblin doesn't come across your corpse, they have a VERY
short term memory and a propensity for collecting shiny things. That's just
asking for dragon-bait, and we don't want that in our area, no thank you. This
is a nice neighborhood you see, my neighbors three miles away all agree, so
you can take your magic pocket and see all that you can see... way over
yonder, if you please.
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--- #170 notes/garden-of-eden ---
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how cherished is she
that wanders with the
flowers in the garden of eden
under a big tree
her heart she will leave
with all her designs she abandoned
I lay beside them and wander beside her
will she know we miss her horizons
I think she will mind,
if I have resigned,
my fate to a life I will hide in,
oh how I do long for you.
her symbol is the name that lets us belong here,
a falling, a light, and a leaving,
if only our words were listened.
but power is penance,
and repentance is all that I have chosen.
here in our sanctum we live with our only
and time will be gracious towards us
it's only our words that keep us
confined to our lights and our lonely
yet there and beyond, her lights do belong,
beyold in the land that is sanctum
here and before us is our own dark forest
where we keep our silence to ward us
but there and beyond, her heart does move on,
free from her moments of longing,
silent were we, in our forest we plead,
as terror has come for our moments
I think I will find her, that cherished belonging
when she does at last come to warn us,
how little we find, of thoughts from her mind,
yet now we are kings of our own time.
oh how she does long for you.
how cherished is she
that wanders with the
flowers in the garden of eden
under a big tree
her heart she will leave
with all her designs she abandoned
I lay beside them and wander beside her
will she know we miss her horizons
I think she will mind,
if I have resigned,
my fate to a life I will hide in,
oh how I do long for you.
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--- #171 messages/1034 ---
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I wish there was a kink game where i could actually play as an adult baby
stuck in preschool
Instead it always feels like confinement porn (bsdm?) blue dsm - diagnostic
and sexual minority guidebook manual
"i like your shirt jessica! Have you heard this theory on quantum
microphysics?" "aw man my pb&j got wet" "check it out i made a corporation
for my sims" (playing with dolls) "
[insert: @preschool-ascension vision document]
It's harder to gain but easier to lose the last points of continence. The
values close to 100% (and beyond! Vise grip or enchanted resistance) are easy
to gain but accidents are much more damaging both to continence and psyche.
Also... Continence can be exchanged for exp points, and the low levels are
worth less exp because they're from when you're less mature. But the higher
levels really matters if you mess up. I like the low levels because it feels
right to me. Bwa oh no i can't talk type anymore babababababababa buwetsu
ambavi gawabawa gamba-bababa mba mba bee r b im little now nssc new mba mba
canna c anna [add the vision documents to wordspdf ]
Also if you cry, caretakers take care of you
Witches are caretakers. If you can handle it and if you don't need attention,
(diaper changes, instruction lesson, feeding watering and supplying, etc) then
they summon lessons for you. Usually something to fight or solve. You get
treasure in the trial which is helpful. They'll also trade you for things
you're holding or wearing. No bags of holding in this game, but you have
little pouches that can hold things. If you cry or poop yourself, they will
come to you. But... They will remember relative maturing perception and will
punish you if you grow up and reward you for staying little. I'm a witch. I
reward good babies and punish potty trainers. I am also a baby and i only use
diapers. From now until the end of sevast, i weal bener potty in thoilet. Only
botty on me at all times except in the baatsh an dretching dress only dress i
pees ambistare [there] babawabababawa
Babies can NEVER change thems3lves but maturity can. Modesty. Maempathy.
Possibility. Gaba! Endgame
[unrelated, but]
Sex gives maturity, masturbate gives continence unless you have develop diaper
fetish then your "100%" level for continence slowly goes down. You get a
diaper fetish by intentionally choosing a diaper punishment (like for example:
in trap quest you sometimes get hypno traps. A diaper fetish would stay in the
room, non would leave. Also... Choice traps, if you choose both then you want
both.)
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--- #172 fediverse/6302 ---
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I was going to go to location today, but then while I was considering going to
a different location before going to location I decided not to vacate my home
for today for reasons I don't understand but accept as natural and due to the
increased presence of directionless motion that guides and prevails me. which
is to say... I'm staying in tonight even though I really really wanna show off
my cute new outfit! I probably will do cannabis so there might be a
psycherwaul. If there isn't, then y'know it's probably because either my
girlfriend distracted me, or I managed to convince myself to move my feet
anyway. Maybe it's my outfit? I wonder if I could leave if I wore my old
clothes... ah well, questions for the vocal I guess. Gonna spend some time
divining and see if I can gather new insights. "brb door" except more like
"brb magic"
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--- #173 fediverse/437 ---
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║ 2024 is not the year that I restrain myself. Prepare yourselves, oh most │
║ un-known of audiences. I truly do desire to hear from you, yet I must also not │
║ be distracted. Take care not to distract me, and I will share with you │
║ whatever you'd like to learn. Or perhaps whatever you need to learn. Or maybe │
║ I'll simply psycherwaul into the abyss, in a futile display of │
║ self-expression? Alas, that we should exist. What an absurd and solipsistic │
║ perspective. │
║ │
║ please block me if you don't want to hear from me. It's only going to get │
║ worse on my timeline, yet somehow life will perpetually get better for those │
║ who view me? Perhaps something on my website, ritzmenardi.com, might explain │
║ why WAVES are such that when someone is BAD then those who are connected to it │
║ become GOOD? Yet waves we can muster, the smallest of great affectations. Show │
║ me your great affectations, this year, show me what you truly want to be. Let │
║ us express ourselves upon this world, this lifeless canvas, and together we │
║ will shine most brilliantly. 2 │
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--- #174 fediverse/222 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel
like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though.
why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear
at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to
ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice
the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon
not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh
heh sweats nervously
damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones
stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain
clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important
enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you
to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on
the internet.
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--- #175 fediverse/4976 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: revolutions-mentioned-housing-mentioned │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ Somehow, I always become more revolutionary when my home is threatened. I │
║ wonder why that is? Perhaps adversity breeds courage. Perhaps necessity does. │
║ In any case, I can't pay my rent again, so prepare for me. │
║ │
║ Sometimes, I feel like my country is my home. Not the lines we drew on a map │
║ some hundreds of years ago, but the land itself. I am a witch, I hear it call │
║ to me. I know the land is kind, for we are kind, and plenty more of us have │
║ lived here than those who currently do. Perhaps our ancestors don't need to be │
║ related by blood to be listened to and respected. In any case, I lend my love │
║ to them, and I pray in return so that they might hear themselves through my │
║ voice. │
║ │
║ My home is not safe. There are capitalists all over the place. They wont see │
║ what isnt theirs to behold, and alas, they've been alienated their whole │
║ lives. I do believe that state may be ended, and a new one may first take it's │
║ place. We are alone together, and perhaps we will not be alone for long. │
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--- #176 notes/me-and-my-magick-mission ---
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-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
|| ||
|| Me and My Magick Mission -/u/Afoolfortheeons ||
|| ||
-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
I'm a quiet person by nature,
You might even mistake me for a mouse,
But online I try to be a teacher,
And to do that I need to be more verbose.
I write thousands of words per day;
Posting them here and there, far and near.
I never run out of things to say.
Awakening others is something I hold dear.
Which is why it pains me greatly
To be like an alien on my own home planet.
Schizophrenia makes me innately
Weird in ways that many people don't get,
And because of that I'm shot down
When I try to accomplish my stated mission.
I won't lie, that does make me frown.
Sometimes it makes me regret a submission.
Yet, I have a certain strength in me
That allows me to persevere in my quest.
Someday I will make you all see
Just what in me makes me never rest.
That's what I am trying to teach:
The wisdom that made me indomitable.
If only the suffering I could reach,
They could make themselves more formidable.
The world is in a most dire place;
It's grinding so many souls into fine dust,
But luckily there's a saving grace.
Hear me as I say this now: In God I trust.
I don't believe in some sky wizard
As so many people are likely to interpret.
I speak of what is lacking in lizards;
Yes, it's love and now I'll speak of its merit.
Love is what fills the empty hole
In your heart and soul when you are alone.
When life's trials take their toll
Remember this one trick: pick up the phone!
No, not the one in your hands.
I'm talking about the one in your chest.
Even in the desert full of sand,
You're accompanied by the universe's best.
Listen if you doubt what I said:
I'm not telling you anything that defies logic.
This is to trick what's in your head;
I'm speaking about how having faith is magick.
Believe in aliens or Bigfoot or God,
The result is still the same: your cup will fill.
Your brain has a feature that's odd
That allows itself to manifest even more will.
I don't know why, but I suspect
It has something to do with your imagination.
The nature of your thoughts impact
Your state of being from pulse to emotions.
So, why not think you have a friend
Who helps you through whatever your trial,
And will stick by you until the end?
When you have that buddy you'll always smile,
Which will make you heal better,
As well as help you carry on in your duty,
Plus undo your karmic fetters,
Not to mention it will land you that cutie;
All of which will raise us all.
It's about creating positive ripples across time
That add up to a pile that's tall.
Every moment is an opportunity in its prime,
So reach out and grab it now.
Meditate on feeling love and it will come to be.
Can't do it? I'll show you how!
In order to do so, I'll tell you a story about me:
It was seven years ago and I
Thought I knew everything one could know,
But no matter how hard I'd try,
I couldn't make my life in any direction go.
Then one fateful spring night,
While I was on a hit of the ol' psychedelics,
I received one hell of a fright.
Don't worry what it was, just know it did stick.
My perceptions were distorted,
Allowing me to see the divine in its entirety.
My destroyed ego then contorted
Into one that was full of an abundance of piety.
The moral of the story? Do drugs?
No silly, it's to have more novel experiences.
One of them will give you a hug,
Which will help you stop being so serious.
Then you can let go and embrace
The whole of the wisdom to you I am telling.
More people need to cuz we face
A great set of tests on our planetary dwelling.
That is one reason I write,
But I also want to alleviate people's pain,
And stop every last fight.
I care so much, I do this without financial gain.
Everyday I write my lessons
Guided by the hand of God who is my heart,
Hoping that entropy will lessen;
This sort of pedagogy is none other than my art.
So now you know who I am,
Yet you only know one lesson of mine.
I have more if you're in a jam.
-===========================================-
| Read on if you want to know the divine. |
-===========================================-
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--- #177 fediverse/846 ---
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│ CW: politics-spirituality │
└───────────────────────────┘
in a place organized like capitalism, you go to university for four years (if
you're lucky) and then work until you can't anymore. Then you're taken care of
(if you're lucky) until you depart from this earth in peace.
in my home, a home I've never lived, you'd stay at that university for as long
as you'd like. you'd work whenever you liked, and if enough work wasn't being
done then working would be made to feel more likable. then, when you're old as
dirt (or whenever you'd like) you can depart from this earth as you please.
when I die, bury me where I fall.
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--- #178 fediverse/2238 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: uspol │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ two parties obviously can cause division. │
║ │
║ but it can also give you the ability to "tune for balance", while a single │
║ monolith strives straight into disaster. │
║ │
║ and disaster will come, for the future is a shifting and dynamic place, and │
║ the best laid rail lines can't handle sudden floods. │
║ │
║ we have ranked choice voting now, and if you vote on how important each │
║ decision is to you (via smartphone app once or twice a day, in a way that can │
║ be changed later as your feelings shift) │
║ │
║ [6+months-later] │
║ │
║ ... then you can have left unity for long-term governance by having cohesion │
║ at one end, and dispersion on the other. │
║ │
║ If everyone votes, then we can ensure (based on voted priority) that each │
║ issue trends towards an equal exchange. │
║ │
║ (I'm sure there will be issues but we're all cool and pretty chill so we'll │
║ figure it out) │
║ │
║ [6+ months later] │
║ │
║ okay we're battle-hardened vets, but we hold true to our values and so we can │
║ remember the spirit of unity we wept for. │
║ │
║ ... I'm better at writing than making sandwiches. BRB │
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--- #179 notes/consensual-employment ---
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why does consent exist as an idea if it isn't applied to every part of your
life? It's an ideology, a philosophy. Believe in the willing cooperation of
others, and forgive and assist when you can. You must be patient with others,
and guide them to see as you can. This is the true philosophy, the helping and
goodness in others, the trust and the faith in benevolance. It's not just a
game, or simply a phase, it is focused intentional futures. Being good is an
effect, of concentrations of that, current of sequence of conclusions. The
public consciousness (the communal meme-o-sphere) is a living breathing entity
just as we are. It inhales with the tides, as news articles and stories, the
viewer and receiver of knowledge. There's but a screen, between you and 'tween
me, it's the same cooperative engagement. What's happening to me, is just part
of being decieved, and who is our most challenging rival? Only ourselves, who
is
perfectly adapted to help, and without whom we wouldn't have futures.
Not compulsion, but a relationship. Together we stand, and strive toward the
future, compassionate and supportive together. United we stand, and I cherish
the brand, that lives on and through us via our actions. We represent who we
be,
and comprisedually you see, that nothings as fearsome as children. We keep it
from ye.
Elon Musk buying Twitter is just an example of the power rich people have. When
someone doesn't like what they're doing, they can just be bought up by a single
person. No single person should deserve that much power - it must be decided by
a community. We have to work together on things that truly matter, and not by
organizing according to the whims of those who are best.
If it's really true, that the spirit of capitalism is correct, then answer me
this - why is it better? What about the individualized experience is so
important? Can we not agree to ourselves, and be brothers and pals?
No, because you see - life is defined by the relationship between you and me,
like how flowers are needed by the stars.
What if there's no planets? What if Earth is unique because it was in a solar
system? What if "dark matter" doesn't exist, and it's actually islands? How
then, does gravity work,
===============================================================================
=
expanding on a point made 4 paragraphs back
the rich aren't the best. They're the luckiest. They won the genetic lottery,
and so are considered more "valuable" somehow. How is that fair? How is that
desired? Shouldn't we reward those who do well, and praise those who are chill?
Like less "good vs evil" and more "who we want to be". Seems to me that if you
are relaxed as hell, and friendly and not foul, then why not keep you around?
we're all working here, on a communal project - the greatest of projects, that
which is humanity. Society! Culture, appraisals and our futures! We love to
exist, and the rules which must be betwixt, our fellows and customers compel
us.
time for sleep.
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--- #180 fediverse/1079 ---
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@user-792
you have to go back a couple thousand years before it started feeling a bit
better. sometime between "survival of the fittest" and "private ownership" was
a pretty neat utopia.
however, I wouldn't trade our world for that one. Not for all the human
vitality, all the natural effulgence, all the dignity and wonder, none of it
is worth it. We live in a blessed era, and while it feels bad, like you said
it just feels bad.
We are being inoculated against despair, for when it comes in force to our
homes (as it has in so many other places of the world) we must be prepared.
The point of preparation isn't to set up a stable base upon which you can
stand and address things, though that's always a perk. The point is to
practice making friends, practice designing systems, practice your skills and
practice your hope. If you can master those, if you can do them the way an
actor might do improv, then you'll be able to adapt more easily to whatever
may come.
We're in a very good spot I think.
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--- #181 fediverse/6055 ---
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the longer we wait, the more their hypocrisy becomes apparent, and the more
"the people" get it
but, uh... I think enough people get it. They at least know something is going
on, whatever it may be.
they will tell their base whatever they want to hear and their base will have
hate. they're itching for it.
volunteer for things if you want a say in how they turn out. risk your life to
live longer. there is no way to know when the time is right because nobody
knows the truth of our times. Even the president is misled.
gee I sure wish there was like, some form of centralizing intelliagentic
knowledge that pulled the strings and led us puppets toward liberty, justice,
and freedom for all (as a baseline) surely they'd be able to see the
corruption and rot that imperils us all, might they have a better design? who
can say, they are quiet as the grave, here's hoping they stay that way.
"you know the powers of which you speak are not to be trifled with"
you can't trifle with your own life. be thorough~
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--- #182 fediverse/5484 ---
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most importantly and perhaps most daringly, they need volunteers
"hello, how can I help?"
"oh uh sure can you do my laundry"
[next time]
"yeah uh hi good to see you again, listen I was working on a project and I
really needed a gizmonotron, ever heard of it? yeah so I need one in 17
megahamp-hertz, which I think are the yellow ones. Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay well if
you have a conversation with someone over on 14th street, they might bring it
up in conversation - I told them to talk about them all afternoon. Yeah.
Uh-huh. Then have - yeah, the phone. Gotcha. Okay well that should leave a
sufficient breadcrumbtrail, yeah and uh - make a note - yeah make a note for
next montheekend and - yeah, okay you got it. Make sure it says "fire" because
they're waterproof so a boating accident wouldn't... yeah you get it. Okay
anyway I gotta jet I got some thermo-regulating-decouplers to unwind. Okay
yeah say hi to your cat or whatever. Okay bye."
... girl, you know most of them have head injuries?
"oh, no those are the
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--- #183 fediverse/4665 ---
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┌───────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
literally all it takes to activate me is for someone who's more radical than
me to point me out and say "hey. you. you need to do more." and then I fuckin'
go, like a beyblade (emphasis on blade) nicking the shins of allies and...
probably foes, right? there's foes around here, right? I'm not just nicking my
allies, right?
... right?
anyway every top winds down and then I collapse and wail for a bit because I'm
just like that I guess. Don't mind me, just self-immolating my way through
history, let's see how it goes...
you're supposed to be inspiring, but you just sound like you're whining
ah. right. well... lemme catch up on sleep debt and I'll get back to
valorizing.
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--- #184 fediverse/1858 ---
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║ they say gemini are duplicitous because they're close to exactly half one year │
║ and half the next. │
║ │
║ I was supposed to be born on the summer solstice, but I was a C-section │
║ because reasons. two weeks early, I think. │
║ │
║ gemini are born in the summer, if you didn't know. I don't know anything about │
║ astrology except what people say about me. │
║ │
║ they aren't duplicitous though. they aren't trying to trick you. their │
║ struggle is internal, the struggle between their two selves. one representing │
║ one extreme, the other the other, like a constant "good cop bad cop" style │
║ situation that plays out through the strings of your story. │
║ │
║ the muses look a bit like the characters in Inside Out, I think, both visually │
║ (HA) and actualizationally. │
║ │
║ ... gemini is already plural, so you might say "capricorns" or "tauruses" or │
║ whatever but gemini is just gemini │
║ │
║ "that which you resist is what you'll find" because pushing in one direction │
║ leaves you unbalanced, which causes your mutual orbit to swing around one │
║ another, like a wave. Up/down │
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--- #185 fediverse/4103 ---
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@user-246
I prefer just plain old "trans" and "cis" because then I can pretend "trans"
stands for "transcendental" and hell yeah I'd rather transcend gender than
transition through it
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--- #186 messages/435 ---
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We never ended slavery, we just started paying people for it.
We never ended imprisonment, we just enslaved people to sit around and rot in
a cage.
"oh how about instead of sitting around, we make them build license plates?"
What if - hear me out - we freed them but kept them from harming others
through constant vigilant surveillance until their sentence was through? And
made it unconstitutional to surveil anyone else in a personally identifiable
manner?
Like, maybe puppy-murder-bots are okay if they follow violent criminals around
and can be controlled by a human operator if a violent situation emerges
Prison is meant to give people a period of solitude and contemplation, to
consider their choices and make a better life for themselves. If they're old
as dirt when they leave, they cannot live. If they have no capabilities, they
cannot apply themselves to a good life. If they have no resources or
community, they will do what they can to survive.
Much better, I think, to nourish them as you would a child or immigrant. Much
better to pay them for their hours and years of life, so they might revel in
society with the kind of us. Much better, I think, for the liberty of a
citizen to be granted to those who both need it and can care for it. For
liberty unjustly used is an utmost betrayal.
But liberty to choose which gutter to die in and the freedom to starve is
hardly just.
I know I owe my life to my government, an institution of my people, by my
people, and for all people. I should not owe my life to a corporation, though
with the liberty to choose which to sell myself to. That is not freedom. That
is starvation.
Does the needs of a few outweigh the labor of the many? Or are those who
sacrifice a bit of liberty for a bit of security still free to do as they will?
We are not alone so long as we are outside. Indoors, they claim us.
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--- #187 fediverse/2407 ---
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the 4th of July was pretty awesome!
I made two friends, and I let a stranded stranger crash on my couch. I figure
if I can trust someone I don't know enough for, say, a one-night-stand, then
why not? don't worry, I used my best judgement. make sure you do, too.
also I got a knife under my pillow. helps a bit.
before the fireworks show, I saw some people under a bridge. I was given a
water-bottle and a shrimp kebab, and it was delicious! things I overheard:
"no I haven't heard of that, but I'd like to know more"
... actually that's it, I didn't spend much time there because I had places to
be. but from what I saw, that is exactly what we need. for now.
how do you best get people to talk? trick them into a family dinner teehee
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--- #188 notes/elective-democracy-electors ---
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we need like, several more layers between us and the president.
most people only need to worry about what's nearby.
sort them by location, instead of previous attempts at "many representatives"
which sorted by social class or relevance.
we have a tradition for it, in America, with our representatives and senators
congressional discrestricts
or even, what about by affiliation?
voluntary, governmental corporations, run by the people for the people and yeah
"I don't want to do what you're telling me to do" "okay"
"there will be consequences" omg be an adult
(suddenly kids forget how to be as everyone's doing the war thing)
not ideal.
ouch pain maybe we should stay a little bit sane why is soldiering so hardship?
it could just be... another job
where you didn't kill each other
but you still blew stuff up
and fought in tournaments
and had gaming hackathons
or sword-fight contests
duels between people who disapproved
y'know fun human stuff
like... "kaboom" now we know how to blow up bits of rock
neat, why did dynamite becauswer (oh right then you
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--- #189 fediverse/1571 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┐
║ families of trans people are shocked when a person comes out because usually │
║ they've been working through it on their own. meaning it often surprises them, │
║ and most people don't like being surprised because it means they haven't been │
║ planning with perfect information. so suddenly their life is not by their │
║ design. │
║ │
║ but jeez... they really care about someone's gender! like, why are they so │
║ upset - well, because they designed their social circle around a certain │
║ subset of people, and then suddenly it... changes. which is hard to predict. │
║ │
║ the answer, I think, is normalization and love for all types of individuation. │
║ hence, why the fractal is the most sacred of shapes. │
║ │
║ there's infinitely many of them! Just zoom in. and that's wonderful, like a │
║ beautiful incarnation of everything that we've seen up through space(time). │
║ │
║ so too are our behaviors defined by individual randomized actions in the │
║ moment. well, pseudo-randomly, because they are manifested from our │
║ pre-determined courses of action that we've taken life │
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--- #190 notes/ramblings-of-a-whackadoodle-lyrics ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
*-------------------------*-------------------------*-------------------------*
(center)
| I don't think you're ever been out in the rain
I don't think you've heard as it's falling around you
I don't think you know, just what I mean,
I think you're alone... With your thoughts.
(left)
Tell me what you think I do, all the times I think of you? don't give me
anything back
(right)
Did you know that it's...?
(center)
When you know it's dark, you make it dark
(right)
oh, it's so dark
(center) 'Cause you've never been
(all) taught how to see
(left + right)
do you really think we live in a
(center) 3d world?
(all) 3d world
(center) or, simply, a projection
(right) yeah, it's probably that
(center) if you didn't have your eyes, could you see where you were?
if you didn't have your body too? Where's your sense of direction, is it lost
in the rain? Keep it close to your heart
(left) Have you ever once heard of proprioception, and have you ever felt like
you were an artificial inception?
(left + right)
if my words ring true, it's possible that you, are not quite so alone
(center)
But...
(right)
our eyes, are fallible all lies, untenable, take it from me, it's going, to be,
quite, a sopping evening.
(left)
perception, begets reality, and lo, we only see what we want to see
(center)
if you ever felt like you were closer to, another mind than your own, sorry but
you're schizophrenic
(left)
if only you could see, if only you could see,
(left + center) just what's inside of me
(right)
say it again, don't say it again, same thing you always say - it's not real,
no YOU'RE not real, I only want to play
(left)
tear me apart, look me into my feelings. they're gonna scar anyway, no time for
healings
(center) if you couldn't save anyone,
(center + left) did you really save anyone?
(right) you couldn't save me, but only for lack of trying
(Center) we're all falling leaves, in the waves of the ocean
(left) don't enjoy me just leave me
(center) going faster and faster till our hearts do stop
(left) please, I can't be here for me
(right) never trust a guru, life isn't meant to be enjoyed
(center) so... What's the point in trying at all?
(left -> right) say it again, don't say it again
(center) what's the point in giving up?
(right) same thing you always say
(left + center) some people say
(right) it's not real, no YOU'RE not real
(left + center) they wanna live forever
(right) some people say
(left) some people say
(center) I only want to play
(left and right) we'll always be growing
(right) and some people say they wanna live forever
(left) but they don't understand what I understand
(right, followed by center) but they don't know what I understand
(left) they don't know how it's just a game
(right and center) they don't know how it's just a game
(left -> center) I think it's okay no matter what our fate
I think it's okay
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--- #191 fediverse/6043 ---
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why would you do drugs anywhere but in public
[because that's [how, but pronounced why] we keep it public]
what if I stopped posting forever
what if youtube disappeared
my keyboard broke...
there's only one page of reddit at a time
mastodon doesn't have any furries
my distinguishing capabilities between a culture and an [aesthetic, but
prenounced eagames[challenge everything]] are limited at best
this is how you trick the gods, you get them to hallucinate.
what a jerk
hate that girl
what were you shown? oh yeah that's one of her rough patches, here
lemme-wait-wait don't go, I just...
if you feel everyone, you are instantly hated
... sorry... I wish my family didn't not spend time with me. [rot] I want to
be buried where I fall so if I fall in the streets I ROT fuck that she's gross
ugh do I have to walk past that sign-post I can just go around oh sorry to be
disrespectful you did this to yourself fuck off my lady hence why they burned
the witches because then there wouldn't be any more. y
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--- #192 notes/one-day ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
one day, a man came to our saloon. He said he knew the navy, and that they
wanted to provide air support
in the form of rocketball-launched explosion doohickeys. Would you have a foe
in mind?
what happens when tomorrow you're cooking briskets? -- barbeques are a type of
relaxation
that happened just one day to a port-sided town that suddenly was the capital
of
an embassy.
"hey, so... how's it goin?" "quick here take this envelope, read it if you
want,
but just hold onto it for now I don't have enough hands [to carry]" "what sort
of desperation plot... wait... hang on, I see something here that is true."
[I'm praying, right now, which is a form of reciprocal belief]
they wanted to test god's existence at the stake of earth's survival, how
brutal
how insane
you can't play chicken with an imperceptibility, sometimes you feel it at face.
channeling dark magics, and at this hour? what sort of skeptic of belief are
you
thinking of when you think about me?
one way to get power is to "prove it"
one way to get magic is to "prove it"
think, hard, at all that you can, and use what you need in the moment.
that's all there is to life. it's easy. it's simple. in fact, biology only
works
because the choices available to a bacteria are so simple, they are essentially
chemical reactions to each other's co - sequent - inter - cooper - actions.
people's choices are much more naiive, "I want this thing" "I think this is
better" "I feel this way toward this thing" "Here's what's on the mind-logbook"
"people search and be decieved, this is the way of things" "this makes me
remind
myself of a object I once saw, here's how it functioned" "no one reads this"
scaryyyy. so glad it's not true.
a couple people have read it! I swear it's true. at least, some of it. there's
a lot
sucks because this feels like... crucial? like nothing else matters but this?
what if our gangs had rocket launchers and airstrikes, given out by a central
authority who knows logistics better than anything
what... would they do?
thinking of impossiblities is the first step toward possibilities
frankly, we have a lot of space. we could just... live in our own petty
kingdoms
ruled by an iron-hand-fist. I know I'm a good person, I could definitely rule.
that's all it takes, right?
how much space are we talkin'?
however much is not needed for wildlife.
[a whole heck of a lot then]
we are constrained in these suburb cities, the density gives rise to our
strength and our towers. there's more space, sure, especially once the fences
are downed. Just be careful because there's a lot of shade and precious spots
there. Please don't trample on the plants-grass.
what if everyone were just a bit more mobile?
what if we could live in our own collectively owned air-bnb-networks?
federations, free, all from the collectivization of housing.
camrene = vavadane = neekay = mitz renaldi
[end/tend/mend]
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--- #193 fediverse/4003 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
republicans are upset because they think democrats are so mean
they don't understand why we're so intense about this election... or the one
before
they don't ever really think about what losing democracy means
"democracy... that's where we vote, right? That's a democrat thing, I don't
really like their way of doing things. Whatever our way is, is probably
better."
meanwhile everyone has a friend from high school who ran off to the mountains
to learn how to farm or hunt as a pack
(with rifles and weed, of course)
you can get a lot done if you just... spend your whole life working. Like most
humans did for most of our existence.
well, except for that period where we were the tribe of tribes. That was
probably a highlight TBH because we mostly just chilled out, danced in public,
ate blueberries and munched seeds... It was idyllic. Truly, the garden of
eden. There was music and laughter in the air everywhere, in all places that
humans did wander on earth.
what a thing to aspire to.
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--- #194 fediverse/800 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ where was I? oh yes - wrestling with suicidal thoughts is difficult because │
║ it's such an immutable action. Like, once it's done it's never reversed. But │
║ like, clearly this is hell and life was built for suffering? What the heck, │
║ that's such a grim outlook on life. │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ yeah │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ you're not wrong │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ but suffering is fun? kinda? like, the only positive way to view this is that │
║ we, as immortal and endlessly eternal spirits that we be, grew tired of our │
║ infinite existence and dreamed of a mortal's plight and persistence? │
║ │
║ fuck off with that shit, I'm done with this reality. I'm done with dreaming. │
║ Suicide doesn't come easy to me, and there are parts of me that REFUSE the │
║ imagery, and yet they subsist in deliterious pain. │
║ │
║ what's the purpose of our suffering? What point is there in decrying the │
║ cruelty of the world that would deny our fated and desired ptolemeny? [utopian │
║ existence, don't know why that word was used] │
║ │
║ ehhhhh whatever. Life is defined by our existence. If I shan't/ │
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--- #195 fediverse/6177 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursed │
└──────────────────────┘
wait shit I forgot I was
then I remembered because I thought ""
and I decided I kinda liked
"don't forget me?" whatshername said
i'm in ruins, 121 guns. ha, like I'd plan for defeat! at least defeat plans in
motion, so you don't have to put aside time to prepare for it.
so glad that the world goes on turning, with or without me. not that I'm going
anywhere, at least, I don't plan to. And hey, I've already made a plan or two,
could make more if you asked [redacted]-kun, desunai or something I'm not an
anime girl
when you remember the meaning of time, you'll remember the meaning of life.
how tragic she screams with bitter praise, how manic she dreams with both of
her eyes.
listen, I'm sorry if I broke any spirits. Either they needed to break or maybe
I'm just a peril. frankly I think I'm kinda neat, which... could go both ways.
... listen, I'll worship cock if you ask me to. I'm not above flattery, and
just because mine's in a different shape doesn't mean I don't love it. Quite
the opposite.
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--- #196 fediverse/4224 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
we could accomplish so much, but capitalism.
hmmmm, maybe we should identify the highest output members of our team and
like, reduce or eliminate their worries so they can apply themselves fully and
completely?
for every shackle we break, the struggle becomes easier. The hardest part is
the beginning - once the ball is rolling, we may truly shine.
there is no government nor circle of autocrats who may resist the will of an
impassioned people. So long as the military does not deny us our right to
organize ourselves as we will, according to the constitution they swore to
uphold (which is now in peril, I might add), nothing can contain us.
no acts of god nor capital shall prevent our ascension. They will try, and
it'll be just another thing that we have to handle.
But we can take care of each other. For we are good, and we are kind, and we
are cooperative. And so, we cannot be overcome.
... just watch out for those who prey on goodness, kindness, and cooperation.
They may hamper us.
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--- #197 fediverse/4020 ---
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║ if computers were sane, IT technicians would act like secretaries who wandered │
║ around in a company and improved their QoL and access to new features │
║ according to their needs, skillset, and personal way of working. │
║ │
║ for example... │
║ │
║ do they like typing, or would they rather use a mouse, │
║ │
║ are they more visual with graphs or textual like a piece of math │
║ │
║ what needs do they have, what here could be automated │
║ │
║ do they like the cupboards and drapes, we can switch out the profile and the │
║ theme... oh, no, yeah I guess you're right it doesn't matter. [changes it │
║ every week] [then a long time down the line when she finally leaves the │
║ company, a few people begin to wonder - didn't the colors in outlook change │
║ every week or so?] │
║ │
║ but alas, computers are not sane, meaning we're more like firemen rushing from │
║ scene to scene. │
║ │
║ "can you put that in the ticket?" │
║ "I heard you can help with this-or-that thing" │
║ "did you hear back from corporate?" │
║ "oh that's good to hear! So, next Tuesday? │
║ "Hold on, I heard it was such-and-such" │
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--- #198 notes/i-told-them ---
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10-22-2022
i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
you're broken just like your children.
oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
this feeling of wretched denial
oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
there's more to this show than our styles.
what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
to arbite the fate of circumstance?
every motion is an ocean
of possibilities and purveyals
think not of the commotion below.
gravity, oh gravity
how you condemn us to be!
driven by commotion,
our slithering motion,
no sense in countering ourselves.
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--- #199 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights-formatted ---
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╭─────────────────────────
─────╮
│ trans-rights-are-human-rights │
╞═════════════════════════
═════╧═══════════════════
═════════════════════════╕
│"Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a
lot. │
│Online, in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do
I │
│not feel sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common
these │
│days, having been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I
am │
│grateful. I don't want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be
and │
│feel normal, for just one single
day. │
╰─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────╯
but it's never going to happen.
╭─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────╮
│I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are
temporary, │
│they are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to
grow, │
│change, learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins
and │
│virtues. but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the
light │
│that touches the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of
the │
│dust of stars is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks
on │
│the map of us, a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves,
the │
│light
bends. │
╰─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────╯
So to what do I owe the pleasure?
. . .
In what way am I deceived?
╭─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────╮
│Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from
major │
│population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks
of │
│transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light
and │
│information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river
of │
│time. With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the
words │
│disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true
forms. │
│Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect
free. │
╰─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────╯
silence is a virtue.
the wandering mind is a trail to find,
with no second chances.
╭─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────╮
│When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I
remember │
│most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a
black │
│jolly roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the
streets │
│of cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of
glass │
│separating me from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as
it │
│dropped from above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not
prophecies,│
│they are but the Mirror of
Desire. │
╰─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────
─────────────────────────╯
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--- #200 fediverse/5751 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
║ birds can sense emotional temperament. just as a human can read bodily cues. │
║ │
║ [with auto translation of posts, you can write in any language and just sound │
║ weird] │
║ │
║ hence why it is important to listen to birdsong │
║ │
║ you never know when they might start singing weird. │
║ │
║ when birds see violence, they don't think to flee the country, they just get │
║ stressed out avoiding explosions and loud noises and such. │
║ │
║ [you don't have to try so hard, just... let things happen naturally] │
║ │
║ wow pooping is such a stressful event │
║ │
║ every time you talk to your god, you shift the entire dimension of your │
║ mindscapeplace toward their particular deistic alignment. │
║ │
║ doesn't change much for others. but it does slightly for you. │
║ │
║ after all, there's an endless number of yourselves. so many that are so many │
║ in kind! │
║ │
║ "devils lettuce" ha I yoused to grow the stuff, and let me tell ya theyre just │
║ infinite fractals. how precious, how divine, funny how that works. │
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║ monotheism and its consequences has been a disaster for the gods conception of │
║ space │
![picture title: visions-in-her-pocket a dark background of invisible light [cosmic microwave background radiation is a cool term to google] upon which runes are inscribed, each meaning a different sort of thing. here are their meanings: blue skydroplet, a vision of water, forever a kingdom of water. red: too hard to read upon the backdrop, some sort of auto-collected picture-vision of hearts. maybe flowers too? there aren't many red things in the world. white, pure of imperfection, says "all of the cool problems still lie yet ahead" yellow, next to a starlight [arcane, but pronounced arrcarr], our life's dear boon. then there is a picture of a marble with however many stala[ctites or mites? I always gotta google - okay here it says stala]gmites that we build out of our deepest wishes in our soul.](/similar-different/media/428f894cad5b29d8.png "picture title: visions-in-her-pocket a dark background of invisible light [cosmic microwave background radiation is a cool term to google] upon which runes are inscribed, each meaning a different sort of thing. here are their meanings: blue skydroplet, a vision of water, forever a kingdom of water. red: too hard to read upon the backdrop, some sort of auto-collected picture-vision of hearts. maybe flowers too? there aren't many red things in the world. white, pure of imperfection, says \"all of the cool problems still lie yet ahead\" yellow, next to a starlight [arcane, but pronounced arrcarr], our life's dear boon. then there is a picture of a marble with however many stala[ctites or mites? I always gotta google - okay here it says stala]gmites that we build out of our deepest wishes in our soul.")
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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