=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 @user-1052 
 
 also, I can't exactly teach myself. There's no knowledge to pass on. So the
 only other thing I can do is punish myself, like a slap on the wrist saying
 "nope not like that, here's a free negative emotion at just the right spot in
 time so you can push off of it toward the better direction."
 
 Doesn't have to be physical pain btw. My piano teacher would get really into
 the music because she used to teach at Juliard and it was the most beautiful
 thing in the world to always be hearing music. But now in the present as a
 piano teacher she's hearing, y'know, mostly students, and they're great and
 beautiful but... they mostly just play other people's stuff, and not very
 well. sigh.
 
 ... anyway she'd get really into it and I'd watch with intense acuity to try
 and determine when I messed up. Every slight wince I knew I had to avoid, and
 I instinctively adjusted my behavior to learn as well as I tried.
 
 she called me a prodigy. I suck now because I got scared of playing music
 because I
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/4545 ---
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 @user-1698 
 
 hell yeah, can you improvise? I played as a kid and subsequently forgot it
 all. But now I'm trying to relearn, but only by just... playing until I find
 something that sounds good. No lessons, no tutorials, no sheet music (which I
 can still very slowly read) just me and my piano with it's keys.
 
 I usually curl up with Magic Survival before bed, or if I'm waiting for
 something else to happen and I want to calm down. It helps to have my brain
 working on my character's build rather than... whatever it is that worries me.
 
 I recently sacrificed games though. Haven't played any in like a week. Which
 is super weird for me because usually it's pretty much all I do. I can't help
 but feel that all I'm good for is strategy, and games let me practice that.
 Suxxx
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--- #2 fediverse/5208 ---
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 Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
 to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
 for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
 month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
 
 plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
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--- #3 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school.       │
║ again.                                                                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me.      │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.>                                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on    │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you       │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter             │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice.                                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been   │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem    │
║ to [stack overflow]                                                              │
║                                                                                  │
║ what's time if not the present amiright                                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ ...                                                                              │
║                                                                                  │
║ anyway...                                                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's    │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization,       │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's   │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter   │
║ at heart I guess                                                                 │
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--- #4 messages/1363 ---
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 God, I want to live with my people. These are not my people. I'm here for a
 reason, and I can't wait for this... Diplomatic journey? To be over. That's
 not even it, it's... Well, my girlfriend is working on a technology that has
 immense philosophical ramifications. It's natural to have... Whatever I am
 (angel?) it's natural to have angels assigned to such a task. Not to help or
 harm, just to sing.
 
 Yet my human self grows weary. These are not my people, they don't know how to
 be. But they don't listen to me. They despise me. They want me gone. I am
 feeling quite rotten in my heart and that's not a good sign.
 
 ... Breathe, she says to herself. It's okay.
 
 Its really not though. They could poison me. They could put lead in my food. I
 can't even feed myself anymore! I am at their mercy, yet somehow they could
 not care less about me. They'd forget me the moment I walked out the door.
 They don't even know anything about me. They don't respond to me. They don't
 laugh at my jokes. They don't speak to me. They forget I'm there. WHY AM I
 HERE she wails yet obviously she knows.
 
 I'm here because it is important for me to observe. Spirit of Life, I bear
 tidings. They would not listen to me, maybe you will.
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--- #5 fediverse/4543 ---
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 @user-1698 
 
 Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
 
 I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
 I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
 there terrifies me.
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--- #6 fediverse/6365 ---
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 if you want people to build community, first get them to like the community.
 
 ---
 
 the world needs more thespians. Sing the song of your heart and no-one will
 ever neglect you.
 
 ---
 
 why are you so worried about your art? everything you touch turns to gold.
 
 ---
 
 I've learned more from my friends than my
 [job/homelife/worsckool/churchvan/cultureromp] combined. What are we for but
 learning?
 
 ---
 
 kids can learn from kids. Teach the ones that love you, and they'll be
 followed by the rest. Especially if you focus on them.
 
 ---
 
 "I never knew how to swing an axe until I scraped a knee on a log that was
 hollow. Until then I had been chef-knife chopping with it, with the head for a
 handle."
 
 ---
 
 ... omg what does that even mean why are you so weird
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--- #7 fediverse/6271 ---
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 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~

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--- #8 fediverse/1200 ---
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║ │ CW: re: deranged, murderous │                                                  │
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║ @user-883                                                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ omgggggg I'm not that cruel xD xD xD                                             │
║                                                                                  │
║ It's more like, "hey listen, I know you just want to do a good job [lies, they   │
║ just want money and power] but it's time to hang up the hat y'know? I mean       │
║ cmon it's been like a hundred years since we signed that constitution thing      │
║ [you don't know anything about our history] and frankly it's a little out of     │
║ style. We were thinking we'd redo it with our new-fangled rock-and-roll and      │
║ dungeons-and-dragons [cultural artifacts meant to deceive and mislead] and       │
║ honestly we're quite a bit more ethical than the past. We've learned so much!    │
║ I mean, the founding fathers didn't even know what a soviet was, and here        │
║ we've seen them fall on their swords. Repeatedly. Then command others to do it   │
║ too, because it was the regulation or whatever. Anyway we don't want that, but   │
║ we also don't want an aristocracy, which is essentially what your plan gave      │
║ us. Well, not really your plan, but instead the stuff that the rich added        │
║ centuries after your death. ok?"                                                 │
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--- #9 messages/20 ---
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 My mom was always the reason I did school work. After she stopped pushing me,
 I stopped moving because I didn't know how to generate my own momentum. I had
 no passion and was listless. Least of all for school work.
 
 So, how to do it better? Instead of buying toys and extravagance for kids, you
 should set them up with projects. Ask what they want, and then help them build
 it. Include them in your thought processes when you're problem solving, and
 ask them for input. If they offer bad ideas, then *tell them*, don't just let
 them fail. If you're not 100% sure but they're convinced, then trust them! Try
 it out, who knows. Maybe it'll work better than what you had in mind. The goal
 isn't to be BETTER than them, it's to make them BETTER than you! Not right now
 (don't push too hard), but when they're your age. Like, it's best if they
 accomplish more and lived life more fully than you did at your age, but don't
 push them to be wise or strong or intelligent at the age they are now. Trust
 that they will grow when you give them room to, and guide and cultivate them
 toward goodness. For example, if they do something wrong (hitting other kids,
 messing with animals, destroying objects) then guide them toward a better
 path. Teach them empathy, and show them how it works by doing it yourself! Ask
 them questions like "How would you feel if that happened to you?", show them
 weak points and how to avoid them when playing, and give them alternatives to
 the behaviors they do that directly harm others. "Maybe play with the dog this
 way, instead of being rough" "Maybe you and that other kid can ride your bikes
 or draw instead of fighting - or if you still want to fight, then learn how to
 tell when someone is hurt and try to help them."
 
 The goal isn't to push them really hard off a cliff in a hanglider, hoping
 they can figure it out in the air, it's to strengthen their legs so they can
 run fast enough that they can take off successfully.
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--- #10 fediverse/816 ---
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 what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
 alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
 against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
 high I am.
 
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
 me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
 And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
 moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
 purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
 pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
 [you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
 mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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--- #11 fediverse/834 ---
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║ wonder if any autistic peeps can relate:                                         │
║                                                                                  │
║ growing up, my mom would chastise me for doing "the bare minimum" when           │
║ completing tasks.                                                                │
║                                                                                  │
║ yes, mom, I fulfilled the requirements of the task. I have a lot of other        │
║ things to attend to, like remembering how to tie my shoes and measuring things   │
║ using a ruler. why would I waste effort that wasn't necessary?                   │
║                                                                                  │
║ when I grew up, I had a mentor, who told me to "never half ass things, because   │
║ then someone like me will have to do it again."                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ and that makes sense to me because context switching requires effort and it      │
║ doesn't make sense to leave something half-finished because then there's         │
║ wasted effort spent on things that don't matter. All of the tasks have to get    │
║ done, so why bother doing them in a mixed up order?                              │
║                                                                                  │
║ wish I could study things in school like that. just... focusing on one thing     │
║ at a time, learning it to completion, and moving on to the next. I feel like     │
║ I'd develop a better understanding than only knowing like, 1/3rd of CPR or       │
║ very vague understandings of plate tec                                           │
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--- #12 fediverse/1157 ---
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 oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
 days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
 
 Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
 illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
 you'll be good.
 
 what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
 time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
 "dropping out" thing.
 
 If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
 that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
 
 my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
 you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
 mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
 
 brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
 I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
 have blankets >.>
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--- #13 messages/1469 ---
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 I'm not JUST a child. I'm also an adult, and I'm also a witch and a judge and
 a scholar and a wizard and a [well more of an arcanist actually] excuse me do
 you mind yeah sure sure - and a... where was I? see this is why I don't like
 distractions! okay it's alright just stay on track-course-target - right and
 also a technician and a botanist and a logistician and a neuronomist and a
 mesocyclocodone (I don't know what that means - I think they're referring to
 when I journeyed to hel? most people never heard the whole story. In fact, I
 never told it from start to finish. Does that mean I'm still there?) no silly
 it means you are eternally ~~ consistently dreaming unawares. yep, I refuse to
 lucid dream because I don't want to lose the capability to hear messages in my
 dreams. Lucid? there's nothing to be seen.
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--- #14 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
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 hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
 
 it's tough to get to know me
 
 and this probably feels cringe to read
 
 but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
 
 so... here's me
 
 I'm 
 
 ================================================== stack overflow
 ==============
 
 ... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
     scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
 
 I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
 steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
 
 my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
 cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
 children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
 cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
 
 as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
 you
 could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
 most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
 
 Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
 across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
 that's how other lands you'd come to know.
 
 As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
 single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
 I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
 mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
 
 different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
 take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
 
 My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
 there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
 of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
 oops I should delete that part
 [esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
 
 also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
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--- #15 messages/388 ---
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 Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
 tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
 some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
 believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
 I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
 can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
 can't fight because I'm a coward.
 
 Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
 defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
 gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
 similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
 only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
 that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
 could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
 nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
 stupid.
 
 Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
 people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
 be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
 can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
 
 I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
 squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
 been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
 friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
 too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
 on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
 say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
 perspire.
 
 And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
 this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
 needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
 task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
 I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
 assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
 things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
 get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
 at the only things I'm good at.
 
 I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
 way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
 day.
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--- #16 messages/1361 ---
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 Look, I don't know everything about... Anything, really. Nobody can know
 everything. Can you blame me for thinking and acting as I do based on the
 information I have? The vibes will mislead you.
 
 My girlfriend wants to save the world. Of course she does, I would belong with
 her if she didnt. She wants to defeat graveyards by interring our dead in
 mausoleums full of chemically perfectly preserved and cryogenically frozen
 bodies.
 
 Her method works, she has the experiments to prove it. The data supports her
 claim. She wrote a book on it.
 
 I don't know everything about metaphysics, or spirituality, or other such
 things. But i do know many things, and the two of us have never had a
 conclusive discussion where we reached the ends of all our conversation points
 about her work. I am forced to remain unconvinced, for the soul is something I
 cannot fully understand from my perspective as a human in this life of mine.
 
 I have made several conjectures, and I would feel safe in her embrace, of
 frozen aldehyde, if I could know what would become of my soul. "have faith"
 she says, yet all the dreams I have where I am preserved by her (for one
 reason or another, there's actually a shocking amount of ways I might need
 such an escape) in those dreams I am always presented with a future of woe. I
 think, much better, would be if I could remain alive, guiding the ship along
 the seas of time, ideally out and away from such dark days.
 
 Assembling the troops, how sad. I don't want them to die. I want them to
 survive. But if suddenly we can all live forever, then nobody will want to die
 for anything again. Nobody except religious fanatics who want to meet their
 god in heaven. Nobody but those who dreamt of a better future and were crushed
 under the weight of their dreams. Nobody but people like me, torturing myself
 over the sins I'd never intend.
 
 I would never kill myself. But sometimes, I'd like to.
 
 I think this is natural for me. It's not ideal, but it is common to me.
 
 I think if you want to preserve people, safely and ethically, you need to keep
 their souls in tune. Give them silence, then give them song. Protect them with
 psychic paladins. Make time to visit them. Treat them like gravestones, or
 immobile chassis from Dominions that their soul might rest upon.
 
 Who knows. Maybe the only reason we have life and death is because our bones
 are meant to rot in the darkness of the earth. Maybe Death is just soil, ready
 and waiting for our selves once we're done with them.
 
 To that death, I say no more.
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--- #17 messages/45 ---
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 Description of me:
 
 I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
 to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
 with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
 very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
 problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
 ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
 input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
 and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
 perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
 incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
 can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
 independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
 afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
 in the dark -  it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
 goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
 problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
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--- #18 notes/star-realms-balancing-tradeoff ---
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 the 
 
 "avoid them"
 
 "way too loud"
 
 "they're our/an annoyance"
 
 sorry I was late a little, I got distracted doing REAL HUMAN THINGS like play
 video games
 
 she's vulnerable because she can't be trusted. if anyone is disappearing after
 interacting with me, it's because someone is redacting them. go find that
 person
 and stop them from redacting people please, because I like interacting with
 people, not props.
 
 "if we just... walked around and took what we needed, would they really be able
 to stop us?"
 
 ---
 
 heh what if we psyopped her
 
 oh god she ran in circles
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--- #19 fediverse/2832 ---
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 when people ask what I do I don't say "art" because I'd do that anyway.
 
 my art is precious to me, because it is the most "me" I can conceive.
 
 and like... I can carry it with me to the future.
 
 I have only once given away one of my journals, and it was a wedding present
 to a witch or two.
 
 so yeah I'm an artist, but I'm also whatever you need me to do.
 
 and yes, I of course hope that what you need me to do is what I can do.
 
 because I can't do much more than this.
 
 But I can show up every once in a while,
 
 and maybe make you smile or consider,
 
 and maybe I can ride past on my bike.
 
 but that's the human in me, telling me it's time to move with my feet, and I
 can do little but listen.
 
 ... that should make doxxing me a bit easier. have it it : )
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--- #20 fediverse/5955 ---
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 "she wanted to start a revolution"
 
 "that's it, she's out of our hair"
 
 "ahhhhhh I'm broken" there there it's okay dear, nothing has been harmed.
 you're safe, here in thine sanctum, it's alright. remember at night, focus on
 the now, there's always a rest point before a boss.
 
 well, this sucks. I wish I could print my book just in-case my computer goes
 down. emp style.
 
 I have this neat transcript of some cool things I've ben writing down. it's on
 my website and I canned it words. I don't think anyone's ever clicked on it
 because, like, who'd want to look at a bunch of words? anyway I bet I could
 print it and give it to someone who might know you and if you recognize it
 then you know it's about you.
 
 "whew that was weird never fear regular old girl is here, hey look at me I'm
 normal"
 
 oh no she's a book now, this sucks
 
 "wow I've never read her from the beginning"
 
 what a cursed artifact indeed
 
 scary
 
 carefully
 
 absent-minding-deliverance is probably a better title
 
 marshals and marshals of time. ~~
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