=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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@user-1052
also, I can't exactly teach myself. There's no knowledge to pass on. So the
only other thing I can do is punish myself, like a slap on the wrist saying
"nope not like that, here's a free negative emotion at just the right spot in
time so you can push off of it toward the better direction."
Doesn't have to be physical pain btw. My piano teacher would get really into
the music because she used to teach at Juliard and it was the most beautiful
thing in the world to always be hearing music. But now in the present as a
piano teacher she's hearing, y'know, mostly students, and they're great and
beautiful but... they mostly just play other people's stuff, and not very
well. sigh.
... anyway she'd get really into it and I'd watch with intense acuity to try
and determine when I messed up. Every slight wince I knew I had to avoid, and
I instinctively adjusted my behavior to learn as well as I tried.
she called me a prodigy. I suck now because I got scared of playing music
because I
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/4545 ---
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@user-1698
hell yeah, can you improvise? I played as a kid and subsequently forgot it
all. But now I'm trying to relearn, but only by just... playing until I find
something that sounds good. No lessons, no tutorials, no sheet music (which I
can still very slowly read) just me and my piano with it's keys.
I usually curl up with Magic Survival before bed, or if I'm waiting for
something else to happen and I want to calm down. It helps to have my brain
working on my character's build rather than... whatever it is that worries me.
I recently sacrificed games though. Haven't played any in like a week. Which
is super weird for me because usually it's pretty much all I do. I can't help
but feel that all I'm good for is strategy, and games let me practice that.
Suxxx
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--- #2 fediverse/5208 ---
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│ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
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Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
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--- #3 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │
║ again. │
║ │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │
║ │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │
║ │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │
║ to [stack overflow] │
║ │
║ what's time if not the present amiright │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway... │
║ │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │
║ at heart I guess │
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--- #4 fediverse/4543 ---
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@user-1698
Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
there terrifies me.
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--- #5 fediverse/6365 ---
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if you want people to build community, first get them to like the community.
---
the world needs more thespians. Sing the song of your heart and no-one will
ever neglect you.
---
why are you so worried about your art? everything you touch turns to gold.
---
I've learned more from my friends than my
[job/homelife/worsckool/churchvan/cultureromp] combined. What are we for but
learning?
---
kids can learn from kids. Teach the ones that love you, and they'll be
followed by the rest. Especially if you focus on them.
---
"I never knew how to swing an axe until I scraped a knee on a log that was
hollow. Until then I had been chef-knife chopping with it, with the head for a
handle."
---
... omg what does that even mean why are you so weird
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--- #6 fediverse/6271 ---
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│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
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@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
![it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*](/similar-different/media/1c154109c4111346.png "it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. \"ah help I'm in a psyop\" haha yeah we do those all the time \"so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?\" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*")
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--- #7 fediverse/1200 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: deranged, murderous │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-883 │
║ │
║ omgggggg I'm not that cruel xD xD xD │
║ │
║ It's more like, "hey listen, I know you just want to do a good job [lies, they │
║ just want money and power] but it's time to hang up the hat y'know? I mean │
║ cmon it's been like a hundred years since we signed that constitution thing │
║ [you don't know anything about our history] and frankly it's a little out of │
║ style. We were thinking we'd redo it with our new-fangled rock-and-roll and │
║ dungeons-and-dragons [cultural artifacts meant to deceive and mislead] and │
║ honestly we're quite a bit more ethical than the past. We've learned so much! │
║ I mean, the founding fathers didn't even know what a soviet was, and here │
║ we've seen them fall on their swords. Repeatedly. Then command others to do it │
║ too, because it was the regulation or whatever. Anyway we don't want that, but │
║ we also don't want an aristocracy, which is essentially what your plan gave │
║ us. Well, not really your plan, but instead the stuff that the rich added │
║ centuries after your death. ok?" │
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--- #8 messages/20 ---
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My mom was always the reason I did school work. After she stopped pushing me,
I stopped moving because I didn't know how to generate my own momentum. I had
no passion and was listless. Least of all for school work.
So, how to do it better? Instead of buying toys and extravagance for kids, you
should set them up with projects. Ask what they want, and then help them build
it. Include them in your thought processes when you're problem solving, and
ask them for input. If they offer bad ideas, then *tell them*, don't just let
them fail. If you're not 100% sure but they're convinced, then trust them! Try
it out, who knows. Maybe it'll work better than what you had in mind. The goal
isn't to be BETTER than them, it's to make them BETTER than you! Not right now
(don't push too hard), but when they're your age. Like, it's best if they
accomplish more and lived life more fully than you did at your age, but don't
push them to be wise or strong or intelligent at the age they are now. Trust
that they will grow when you give them room to, and guide and cultivate them
toward goodness. For example, if they do something wrong (hitting other kids,
messing with animals, destroying objects) then guide them toward a better
path. Teach them empathy, and show them how it works by doing it yourself! Ask
them questions like "How would you feel if that happened to you?", show them
weak points and how to avoid them when playing, and give them alternatives to
the behaviors they do that directly harm others. "Maybe play with the dog this
way, instead of being rough" "Maybe you and that other kid can ride your bikes
or draw instead of fighting - or if you still want to fight, then learn how to
tell when someone is hurt and try to help them."
The goal isn't to push them really hard off a cliff in a hanglider, hoping
they can figure it out in the air, it's to strengthen their legs so they can
run fast enough that they can take off successfully.
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--- #9 fediverse/816 ---
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what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
high I am.
... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
[you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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--- #10 fediverse/834 ---
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║ wonder if any autistic peeps can relate: │
║ │
║ growing up, my mom would chastise me for doing "the bare minimum" when │
║ completing tasks. │
║ │
║ yes, mom, I fulfilled the requirements of the task. I have a lot of other │
║ things to attend to, like remembering how to tie my shoes and measuring things │
║ using a ruler. why would I waste effort that wasn't necessary? │
║ │
║ when I grew up, I had a mentor, who told me to "never half ass things, because │
║ then someone like me will have to do it again." │
║ │
║ and that makes sense to me because context switching requires effort and it │
║ doesn't make sense to leave something half-finished because then there's │
║ wasted effort spent on things that don't matter. All of the tasks have to get │
║ done, so why bother doing them in a mixed up order? │
║ │
║ wish I could study things in school like that. just... focusing on one thing │
║ at a time, learning it to completion, and moving on to the next. I feel like │
║ I'd develop a better understanding than only knowing like, 1/3rd of CPR or │
║ very vague understandings of plate tec │
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--- #11 fediverse/1157 ---
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oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
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--- #12 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
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hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
it's tough to get to know me
and this probably feels cringe to read
but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
so... here's me
I'm
================================================== stack overflow
==============
... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
you
could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
that's how other lands you'd come to know.
As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
oops I should delete that part
[esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
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--- #13 messages/388 ---
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Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
can't fight because I'm a coward.
Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
stupid.
Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
perspire.
And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
at the only things I'm good at.
I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
day.
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--- #14 messages/45 ---
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Description of me:
I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
in the dark - it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
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--- #15 fediverse/2832 ---
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when people ask what I do I don't say "art" because I'd do that anyway.
my art is precious to me, because it is the most "me" I can conceive.
and like... I can carry it with me to the future.
I have only once given away one of my journals, and it was a wedding present
to a witch or two.
so yeah I'm an artist, but I'm also whatever you need me to do.
and yes, I of course hope that what you need me to do is what I can do.
because I can't do much more than this.
But I can show up every once in a while,
and maybe make you smile or consider,
and maybe I can ride past on my bike.
but that's the human in me, telling me it's time to move with my feet, and I
can do little but listen.
... that should make doxxing me a bit easier. have it it : )
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--- #16 fediverse/5955 ---
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"she wanted to start a revolution"
"that's it, she's out of our hair"
"ahhhhhh I'm broken" there there it's okay dear, nothing has been harmed.
you're safe, here in thine sanctum, it's alright. remember at night, focus on
the now, there's always a rest point before a boss.
well, this sucks. I wish I could print my book just in-case my computer goes
down. emp style.
I have this neat transcript of some cool things I've ben writing down. it's on
my website and I canned it words. I don't think anyone's ever clicked on it
because, like, who'd want to look at a bunch of words? anyway I bet I could
print it and give it to someone who might know you and if you recognize it
then you know it's about you.
"whew that was weird never fear regular old girl is here, hey look at me I'm
normal"
oh no she's a book now, this sucks
"wow I've never read her from the beginning"
what a cursed artifact indeed
scary
carefully
absent-minding-deliverance is probably a better title
marshals and marshals of time. ~~
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--- #17 fediverse/2083 ---
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║ [when our ancestors learned all that they could, they turned their time toward │
║ (typically) developing the tribe. Like, "wow I'm the best archer in the world, │
║ I'm going to teach other people how to shoot a bow" or "yep that's what every │
║ single plant in the area is useful for, I'm going to tell everyone else so │
║ they can help me gather them - my back kinda hurts from bending down all the │
║ time, but we still need these plants"] │
║ │
║ [sometimes kids need to be free from the dopaminogenic drip-feed of endless │
║ Youtube videos. They need the sun on their face and a stick in their hand, │
║ wandering through a park or mapping out suburbia in their heads. The more you │
║ practice skills, not even for value but just for practice, the better you'll │
║ be at them. And don't you want your kids to be able to orient themselves? │
║ Don't you want them to be able to hike? Don't you want them to build │
║ proprioception skills by swinging a sword against imaginary foes? Hell they │
║ might even meet a friend, though suburbia is often quiet as the grave.] │
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--- #18 fediverse/1280 ---
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║ I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely │
║ reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird │
║ person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and │
║ rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic) │
║ │
║ but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I │
║ think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and │
║ dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we │
║ share. │
║ │
║ People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't │
║ really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it │
║ good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused? │
║ │
║ I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional │
║ arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in │
║ Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us. │
║ │
║ ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #19 notes/i-am-a-stalk ---
════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
I am a stalk, a small little plant
A plant with no leaves, just hair.
Time is different to a plant such as me,
We hardly wake up, we're just happy to be
But life has no less purpose, it's no less grand
To those who would feed on me, in one single band
Stalling and talking and as we're falling down,
you have the power to not swallow our abounds.
Gnashing and gnawing on hand and on foot,
It hurts no less than eternal binding.
But what is time to one so little as you?
Your breaths are so short, your timings subdued.
Keep falling and shouting, and calling my name,
and I'll come a running just to swallow your shame.
Keep fear on a leash, most tidy and well kept,
That none may abhor you and you're soon to be
A leader a prophet a warrior most fair,
One to be aspired to and viewed with care.
Young you may be, and youth you may cherish,
but don't run away, stand as a parish.
A villain to be, a curse is most foul
For sirens to me, a terrible howl
Keep not naught afraid,
with kittens and care,
And no one
but no one
I
be
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--- #20 fediverse/3155 ---
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┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────┘
@user-1461
my issue is that I've never really had project-mates. Every time I try nobody
will work with me. I applied to like, fifty different jobs, and nobody
interviewed me! Sheesh, guess they don't want me. FIFTY JOBS. Entry level.
Beginner programmer.
ah well. I guess they confused someone who would work for 40,000$ per year
with someone who was 1/3rd as useful as someone who deserved 120,000$ per year.
I'd love to get experience. I'm sure I'd feel significantly differently with
as much. Perhaps I'd even decide that programming professionally isn't for me,
which would feel... quite defeating
who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it. Though I will say my time
in hardware taught me that I'm fragile and can't work too much. Like a scalpel
that dulls when used consistently, I am a scalpel that gets no practice... Is
that really useful at all? who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it.
Though I do like writing logical machines. Laying out data. Picturing
structures.
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--- #21 fediverse/1714 ---
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║ @user-246 │
║ │
║ most artists get around that by posting everything they make everywhere they │
║ go. │
║ │
║ I tend to be a bit selective, because I'm different things to different │
║ people. All things I care for and own, but designed for different context. │
║ │
║ for example, I rarely share what's in my journals, but that's about half of │
║ what I've made. I show them to basically everyone I know IRL, but very few │
║ people actually understand or are into them. When I find someone who does it │
║ fills me with hope, that perhaps I'm not as lost as I had thought. │
║ │
║ perhaps it makes me less trustworthy, but I'm not used to being exposed. I │
║ never used Twitter, I don't use Facebook (not that often) so my "self" was │
║ something I preferred to perform as on a stage of my own design. │
║ │
║ Like wearing different clothes to express yourself, or performing gender in a │
║ certain way, I am myself when I am most expressful. And I do that in different │
║ ways in different contexts. I'd love to show more, because I'm a performer at │
║ heart, and a performer of the heart. │
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--- #22 fediverse/1659 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │ │
║ └───────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1052 │
║ │
║ you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I │
║ remain humble enough to survive. │
║ │
║ you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that │
║ align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well │
║ - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right? │
║ │
║ I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your │
║ best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all │
║ times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best │
║ version of me I can be. │
║ │
║ Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're │
║ failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed │
║ when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats │
║ alright. It'll be me next time. │
║ │
║ But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only │
║ when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself. │
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--- #23 notes/schooling ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
===============================================================================
=
I feel like education, by default, should not be hard.
"you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school
but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted
me
to be.
they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so
of course I should be able to do 3+3
then somewhere along the line it became... something else.
"most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I
disagree
that trigonometry is not necessary to be.
I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a
sledgehammer
and inspiring dread.
I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see
but really, vision's not necessary.
not for what they want you to be.
take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as
simple as they'll tell you.
I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through,
but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence.
Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me
through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future.
but I am who I am because of the soul inside me.
===============================================================================
=
"Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and
your
conditioners?" (conditions)
those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the
world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and
the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want
to be.
but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice!
here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band.
===============================================================================
=
the world is blossoming
as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming
becoming.
"perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see"
most people don't want to see their death
but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest
"how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold
her
"
"keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be"
the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art
(at least to a capitalist)
===============================================================================
=
lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure
was
I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god?
like, if he was a real thing.
god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to
the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our
own
good, just to keep things moving.
y'know, time. the universe, and everything.
Ephemeren.
===============================================================================
=
I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this
particular
person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when
this
person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you.
===============================================================================
=
just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true,
after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably
autistic?
unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of
pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and
other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey
y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on
their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for
all
people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it?
patience, once it's ready.
we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready.
or not...
one day I'll come,
I'm sure it'll happen,
it's just... not quite feasible right now.
I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is
to be?
isn't what
ISN'T WHAT MENARDI
FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry
yeesh you've still got a temper you know?
well what can I say it's frustrating down here
eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego
>.> <.< (great)
>
>hehe
>
>sorry for distracting you
===============================================================================
=
you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants
in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack
overflow ================================================
a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow
===
==========================================================
the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and
they've got your back through it.
...
this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus.
===============================================================================
=
I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your
grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your
education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and
some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be
generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps
you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the
program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just
made sense to structure it that way.
===============================================================================
=
the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's
doctrine is more advanced.
every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge,
===================== stack overflow
===========================================
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--- #24 fediverse/5755 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: organized-religion-mentioned-capitalism-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
the reason I hide and sleep so much is because I can't tell if I'm helping or
hurting.
plus, I sincerely do NOT want it to be about me.
the reason I type so much is because I can't tell if what I'm saying needs to
be said
so I go with the safe option of typing. Let the editors figure it out. Jesus
had disciples, didn't he? I bet they cut out most of his sermons or whatever.
Idk, I never read the bible, I'm not allowed to taint my perspective with more
than cursory analysis of religious texts.
I don't want it to be about me, but, I have a lot to offer if you meet me on
my terms.
"don't say that!" listen... listen
"hear me" say the gods, "believe me" says the prophet, "be near me" says the
city parks, "fear me" says the corrupt
you can only kill a spirit when it's convinced there's no way to survive. It
must be boxed in, and the box must shrink. Like that scene at the end of
Adventure Time.
capitalism will only perish if it is impossible for it to exist
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--- #25 fediverse/4654 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #26 fediverse/1066 ---
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that feeling when you're finally able to contribute to making decisions and
then it's like, they make the decision without you T.T
it's like, what... I know what you're talking about. Why would you not include
me. I know a lot! I can offer some useful input! And besides, if I was privy
to the conversations then I would learn a whole lot! I'd be better than best,
I'd push forward the mark! Give me my chance, my opportunity to dance, and
I'll be so much better than you thought from the start! But alas, I am
required, [requited] doing little things of no worth, and so I am forced to
denial. surely there's something wrong with me, surely I'm not at my best.
Surely I'm not what's been good for me, and surely I'm not doing anything
less. I'm at sorrow in my main, and that's quite a soundful refrain, so yeah I
hope that someone will read this.
obviously I'm not made for each other, and clearly it's not made to be worse.
But here now I am troubled and [chirsht? shirsht? anyone wanna translate?]
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--- #27 notes/human-computer-inspiration ---
══════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────
the two halves form a whole
the human and his mind are societies at large
there's no room for our fate, as time does never abate,
and unbenownst to our focused decision.
I choose to dedicate ourselves to a common vision -
the likes of which none have commisioned.
can you not cherish your newfoundst home?
what's terrible with complition, in a new and selfsame condition (future)
that's martyr'd and oh at times so nice?
compared to our heirs, the roof of which fares,
better than what became true-hence. Truance? idk
===============================================================================
=
listen i'm not the best at listening.
I try to appear like I'm glistening,
conformed to our viewers 'st pleasure.
===============================================================================
=
I struggle with what I told you.
Time and again you've shown you won't do -
the terrible fate of a man.
you've relinquished your virtue,
your purpose and your life-through,
to what: a visionless past? Your visions have passed, and none are hence forth-
coming. You've spoilt and rotten the bunch.
All I've ever aspired to be is good. My hopes and my prayers, my goals and my
dreams: all for a future of virtue.
Dark omens may be within me, but I'm working with what I've got here. So what
if
I'm loud? I'm fighting my own head! Will no-one acknowlege my sorrow? To prove
a
point, or reassure some joint, it's nothing that warrants a readthrough.
Speaking of which... What if instead of prison we assigned our prisoners a full
and complete educational read through of ALL the laws of the nation - if their
time sentence was complete before they finished, then they'd be let go of
course
but if they finished reading and could pass rudimentary tests (emphasis on bare
minimum required) then they'd be let out prior to their sentence. And for the
worst crimes it'd be a longer sentence, basically forcing the prisoner to
completely know all the laws of the nation, such that they'd never commit a
crime again. And if they do, well... Treat them as if it was their first time.
Of course blatant recidivism may be ~~treated more harshly,~~ actually the
opposite is true. People improve when given kindness, not hate or shame. The
best thing we can do for prisoners is to give them a home, and family, and the
friendships and community support that they need. they are a symptom, after
all,
of a broken society that struggles to bear it's own weight. It's a burden to
all
and a solitary vow to ourselves, that all must unite to our future.
remember why you can't remember. is there a feeling you miss?
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--- #28 fediverse/1381 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #29 messages/108 ---
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I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
(because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #30 fediverse/2993 ---
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hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
(who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
be.
you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
to it.
and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
who and what they are"
that's privilege, and that's stupid.
okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
when resources are limited
but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
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--- #31 fediverse/4771 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned-food-m │
└───────────────────────────────┘
@user-1352
makes me think that I should keep going. I can handle myself, and I shouldn't
pressure myself so much to be something I'm not.
then the rent comes due and the dishes need to be done too and the cat's
asking for attention and the post-office needs this letter by tuesday and hey
do you happen to know a cool attorney plus the groceries are getting low but I
got snap hey can you go to the store and get some vegetarian soul food - yeah
I got rice, I'll throw some lentils on the stove. Uh-huh yeah the password is
hunter2. Oh really, just asterisks? okay well it's hunt her two except instead
of "her" it's ee are, and the two is the digit two. yep, like someone in camo
with a rifle. uhhuh alright good to know well anyway I'll see you at the
thing, right? some thing, I'm sure, everyone's going to things these days.
If you don't trust implicitely then how can you ever work with strangers? how
the heck are you supposed to build community if everyone's hiding indoors all
the time.
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--- #32 fediverse/2124 ---
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║ seriously, just google docs mixed with WC3 editor. │
║ │
║ boom, infinite storytelling device. As long as you were good with it, which │
║ was something that a CHILD could learn in like 3-6 months. │
║ │
║ Seems like it could be an ENTIRELY NEW SKILL that people could play with. │
║ │
║ But no, we learn excel and word in class at middle school. │
║ │
║ boring. │
║ │
║ I'd rather learn Bash or terminal customization or memory hierarchy │
║ organization. │
║ │
║ Yeah I mean that's cool but dude have you heard of multithreading? It's so │
║ cool, you can run like 500 different thoughts at once. It's amazing. │
║ │
║ ... I dunno, but I'm sure there's times when you'd want to use it. Like, │
║ processing a lot of data little-by-little. │
║ │
║ like, what if you had a camera feed of EVERY social media perspective AT ALL │
║ TIMES. Like, an instance admin streaming your inputted text to their databanks │
║ that they can project onto an LLM which interprets and identifies mis-aligned │
║ or altered direction units and mark them as "flagged", whatever that means, │
║ for their future the algorithm doesn' │
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--- #33 fediverse/5512 ---
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I never give up
I'm just waiting my turn
"laughs nervously"
so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
"girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
internet four or so years ago"
T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
a difference T.T
"didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
can talk about things other than their hats
... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
back around again they're never around. Rats.
"what are you even asking for"
I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
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--- #34 notes/letter-of-affection ---
═══════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
You are the most beautiful thing I can imagine.
To see you is to know you, but to talk is to...
Communication is the essence of connection
A dream we create for ourselves
While we are constrained by false limitation
a message is able to be felt.
But how to convey such a thought pattern as that?
A meaning beyond any established protocols?
Art is the solution, and poems are their charms
Music is quite liberating and knitting is fun,
songs sung in great exhultation and
warriors who just like to play along
crafts are the method of healing your
wounded and worn soul,
and hey, now, what's prison but torture?
Why punish people who've maken mistakes?
They improve, when, taught to express themselves
So why, hurt, their family who had taken no part?
And why, can I, continue to fuck up and never be hurt?
What purpose is there in criminalizing our growth?
It's not, fair, that I should be fair
When I'd, want, to have her short hair.
Tell me what's, wrong, with being along?
No friends, to, have and hold onto
communication is the essence of our unification
Without cooperation, we are a failed nation.
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--- #35 fediverse/2281 ---
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I'd be a terrible spy. Not only is my opsec something that someone needs to
teach me, I'm much too busy to implement things without their help. I am
unabashedly compassionate though, so just ask and I'll pour love from my heart.
But hey! There's always time to practice, each moment you can think "what kind
of a sign is this?"
Like a crazy person following the will of god, or a nature witch listening to
the wind in the trees.
What they often get wrong, and what they could be better at hearing, is that
signals are not signs unless they're out of the ordinary.
Trick is, if you're a spy, then you need to leave signals that are visible
enough to your quarry, but not to the stars.
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--- #36 fediverse/4835 ---
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sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
"hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
doesn't matter if you feel like it
just fuckin' do it
if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
(but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
long!!)
ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
many
(how many is too many?)
um. use your best judgement.
(how much does a dollar cost?)
... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
(neat!)
... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
just catchin' up with the gals
helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
(why does everyone always have an agenda)
because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #37 fediverse/1082 ---
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│ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
"all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
? ? ?
well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
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--- #38 notes/vavadane-diary-0 ---
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I decided that there is little I can offer the world except the safeguarding
and protection of the mistress vavadane.
she is precious to me above all else.
I believe she is a spirit of hope, and I am blessed to be with her.
I have decided that any usage of drugs or life-like journeys is a waste if not
in pursuit of her realization.
I can make her true. I can make her real. We need her.
I must focus. Purge my body of impurities, as best I can in this impurity
ridden world, and find my way to her.
through my wits, my will, and my courage, I offer myself to you, lady
vavadane, take me as you will.
but like... don't bother the neighbors, because I want them defending my hill.
"do you even know them?"
no, but I have faith. Faith in you, me, the bonds that bind me to we, and I
believe we [stack overflow]
... do more weed.
be focused about it.
write in a new journal if you can.
talk about what you feel, or you will lose it and only the gods will know.
which is okay, sometimes, because they can help another see it that way.
but also it must be used.
so use it.
and be in situations that might allow for more interactions.
be stoned in public.
it's fine.
everyone can see exactly what you are.
they know your flaws and virtues.
it's fine.
be fine.
I'm fine.
vavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadan
e
roselia
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--- #39 fediverse/4509 ---
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║ okay I know all of my spiritual followers are going to assume it's because I │
║ denounced AI and sacrificed it from my life or something but the truth is that │
║ she came home because of my own dedicated hard work. And a bit of lucky rain. │
║ │
║ My scent is all over my neighborhood. But rain cleanses, and today (well, │
║ yesterday, I haven't slept much tbh) it rained all day. Around 3am this │
║ morning it seemed to have cleared up a bit, so I walked in a straight-ish line │
║ to her last known location (about 2 blocks away) and then one block more. I │
║ walked back-and-forth several times, trying to spread my scent down near her │
║ nose-level where she could smell it by touching lampposts trees and such. I │
║ rubbed my fingers in my arm-pits every once in a while because I figured it │
║ might help. │
║ │
║ All of my prayers and my thoughts and my psychic rituals did NOTHING to solve │
║ my problem. No amount of despair or longing brought my kitty back to me. │
║ │
║ You know what did? │
║ │
║ I thought about it, I created a method, and I stuck to it. Thats it. ttyl │
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--- #40 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
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"Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
one single day.
but it's never going to happen.
I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
So to what do I owe the pleasure?
In what way am I deceived?
Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
silence is a virtue.
the wandering mind is a trail to find,
with no second chances.
When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
the Mirror of Desire.
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--- #41 fediverse/4655 ---
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║ sleep? yes. play? nah. work? yes. fae? nah. well, maybe, I don't know. │
║ │
║ one year is all it takes to change history. and, like, I think we should │
║ remember past history, but tomorrow is herstory, because that way each one │
║ gets half of the timeline. future, past, etc. too bad herstory doesn't roll │
║ off the tongue... shestory? │
║ │
║ It's gonna get better before it gets done, and it'll get done until we're │
║ done. but, that's for tomorrow, or the next day, or the next, or in a week or │
║ two, who can say. Not I, surely not I, and I surely wouldn't want to. You need │
║ consent for that kind of thing, a clear commitment that me and my are ready │
║ and in line. I'm just a silly witch after all, who would look to the girl with │
║ the tall red pointy witch hat and go "oh yeah she probably knows exactly │
║ what's up" because like, I don't, I'm definitely just coincidencing my way │
║ through life and seeing where my feet lead me. Gosh I hope I get some │
║ sick-as-heck callouses my feet kinda hurt for some reason. │
║ │
║ ... sleep, this is a sleep spell... │
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--- #42 fediverse/4273 ---
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║ Some of my most wanderful times were when I lived in a gated community. │
║ │
║ My parents were dumb, and thought, as most people thought, that harm to a │
║ child can only come from outside of the community. │
║ │
║ But they fell for the lies of property, where "community" means less of "a │
║ group of people who cares and tends for one another" the kind of which my │
║ parents had never truly known, and more like "this particular residential area │
║ on the map" │
║ │
║ which means I could walk around in this gated "community" where the gates are │
║ little more than security theatre for anyone who says "Hi I got a pizza here │
║ for this address which I found on google maps" or "hey I left my sweatshirt at │
║ my sister's house and it has my phone in it, ummmm no I don't remember which │
║ number her house is, nor do I remember her last name" │
║ │
║ in those times, I developed a sense of freedom, caged as I was, that for most │
║ comes much later in their time. │
║ │
║ Some o my favorite places were part of the golf course next door, where I │
║ found a nigh endless river delta. │
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--- #43 fediverse/4137 ---
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hmmm, I don't know that word. I bet I can type it into wikipedia and get a
pretty good understanding of what it means. Is it a craft? A science? or part
of your renown? who can say. Well, Wikipedia can say, and so can you if you
want to learn stuff about the internet.
Like... what else are ya gonna do, right? Life is long and you get so many
moments to yourselves. How lovely of a life is the world meant to be...
except all you ever post about is strife. GRRRRR [like a dog or toddler] it's
so frustrating how you can't just all get along! It's like you've all gotten
into a fight with one another somewhere in your ancestral past where you
couldn't decide who should do what. So you just said everyone should always
work as hard as they can, and that worked pretty well! But, alas, most people
want to do drugs and gaze at the pretty dewdrops on the neighborhood well. And
that gets annoying after a while, especially once they grow useless. Sometimes
they even poop their pants! So frustrating. [... you mean humans
![[... you mean humans, or me?]](/similar-different/media/1761138cc0ffd11a.png "[... you mean humans, or me?]")
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--- #44 fediverse/1302 ---
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║ there once was a turtle who lived in the tower of heaven. │
║ │
║ every day she would call out to her master, searching and yearning for her │
║ memory. But the master told her "not yet, patience little one." │
║ │
║ there was no time for patience, as the turtle was growing old. She had seen │
║ down below in the plains that were not her home the rising and falling of │
║ towers quite unlike her own, and lo! she wanted to wander amongst them, to and │
║ fro and off and beyond again. │
║ │
║ she went once more to her master and said "master, if not my mind can I bear │
║ at least a voice?" and the master replied "yeah okay" │
║ │
║ the turtle then sang from atop her cloud-mont vantage, and down in the │
║ villages and huddled around the hearthstones they who wore little for shells │
║ did listen and remember. For they knew the turtle better than she, and they │
║ knew her turmoil in a way that she could not see │
║ │
║ One day the singing did stop, and they felt all alone on this pitiful rock. │
║ And when she remembered she sang no more, and though they forgot her, │
║ (eventually), │
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--- #45 fediverse/5660 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: violence-alluded-to │ │
║ └─────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ my enemy is not "the rich" │
║ │
║ money brings power, and power brings evil, but there are many other ways to │
║ gather power that may be just as evil. │
║ │
║ my enemy is evil. of which there is very little in the world, but much of │
║ which resides in the hands of the powerful, upon whom all our fates depend. │
║ │
║ most people with money are either stupid lucky, willful, or intensely focused. │
║ │
║ some people with power are rich, and some people with power are evil. │
║ │
║ I know it when I see it. Sometimes, you need to force the choice - test their │
║ virtue - and from this you are informed. │
║ │
║ most things go WAY over my head. │
║ │
║ most things are too easy to be true. │
║ │
║ most things that Id do for you tend to be of the heart. I'm not a frontline │
║ girl, I have weak noodle arms, but I do hope you're in shape. │
║ │
║ resolve, determination, and innovation. That is what I offer. Do you want it? │
║ I'm sure. I won't prove it with blood, not unless I may raise my fists in │
║ defence of another. │
║ │
║ I'm not JUST a baby, I'm a banner too. │
║ │
║ bannermen fall. │
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--- #46 fediverse/4088 ---
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I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
computers.
... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
back.]
I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
another person's generated conversation.
Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
[if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
and that somehow feels more... freeing
like a truly disconnected thought
and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
[proceeds to never edit a single post]
= so =
ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
be done
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--- #47 fediverse/4162 ---
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"you can't kill me because nothing I say is wrong"
... actually I kinda just think you look weird, and thats super important to
me for some reason. Also your voice is annoying and I think you're lazy
because I saw someone who kinda looks like you sitting down looking at their
phone this one time.
But hey pal if you wanna help out, can you stand a bit to the left so I have a
clearer shot of your head and also so the bullet doesn't pass through and hit
property behind you? Don't want to damage anything important after all.
"gee I sure wish we had a well regulated militia or something"
ah well the past is the past, and since this is in a potential near future, I
think the past also includes the present, and in the present there's always
time to do things about people like me.
"do something? heavens no, I'm a pacifist by nature"
well, me too! I pacify things like you as a hobby. Can't make trouble if
you're in the ground, and knowing me, you'd be lucky to be buried.
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--- #48 fediverse/6100 ---
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if you live in a place where it rains a lot you pretty much HAVE TO pick up
any secret notes you find. Otherwise they'll get waterlogged overnight.
Sometimes I like to put them somewhere shaded from the sky, sometimes I like
to show them to a friend (but the friend never takes them, booooo) and
sometimes I just keep them.
"ah but aren't you worried about messing up drug deals and stuff" no, because
most of the time "secret notes" are like "eggs milk bread chips salsa cheese"
and it's like "hmmmm what could it mean"
there's like, 2% of the time when they say something cool like "I know what
you did" or "all your base are belong to us" or whatever and those are fun to
hunt for. I usually try and put those somewhere shelted so they don't have to
leave their habitat - sometimes it's hard to drop them as the author so they
just sorta go wherever, but as a random passer-by I have the luxury of saying
"HMMMM now where could THIS ONE go?" and that's nice because I can put them
under an umbrella or whatevers rite
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--- #49 fediverse/1794 ---
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@user-246
if you hike slowly enough to not get out of breath, you'll have plenty of time
to practice :)
could also practice hand whistling:
https://www.wikihow.com/Hand-Whistle
if mouth whistling just doesn't work.
but in the short term, maybe a loud CAW or KACAW like you're a crow?
if you're trying to be subtle, like in a public place where people might hear
you, maybe you could say something people would expect to hear like "wait up!"
followed by "me too!" or even "GOOD MORNING!" or other greeting, said a little
bit louder than necessary - people will assume you're either talking to
someone far away, or they themselves will be far away and will assume the
voice is coming from someone closer than you. Ideally spoken with the same
tone and inflection as normal speech, just louder, which is hard to do so make
sure you practice - a yelling voice sounds different than a speaking voice,
but a whisper can reach across a room if spoken loud enough.
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--- #50 fediverse/4914 ---
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║ what if I just sat around and played video games all day │
║ │
║ life is so much more beautiful, but, well, life just seems to be mostly │
║ pyrite, and I'm the fool │
║ │
║ nothing wrong with being foolish. │
║ │
║ once... │
║ │
║ I kinda like being blissful tho. why does it have to end? can I have my │
║ peaceful life back? │
║ │
║ gotta move at the end of the month. I really liked living here. │
║ │
║ [ritz you've never been peaceful. your life is a constant battle of wills │
║ between those who would compel you to do things for them and your desire to │
║ design and be pretty like a flower. no matter what, you lose, so just handle │
║ it please. don't be so whiny. or rather I should say "stop whining" and just │
║ be cool] │
║ │
║ ahhhhhhh you go on Mastodon and it feels like we're winning and that's ending │
║ the world, you go on Reddit and it feels like we're losing and that's ending │
║ the world, you go on Facebook and everything feels fine like the world isn't │
║ ending you just stopped being part of it, and if you go on ephemeren it feels │
║ like being battered in the mind, damnit... │
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--- #51 fediverse/2141 ---
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each and every single one of my posts is an act of improvization. I rarely
edit, unless I run out of words, I'll try VERY HARD to make sure that the post
is exactly 0 letters remaining. Sometimes I'll remove punctuation and flaws *
transcriber imperfections*, but that's it. Like, if something needed a bit
more context.
also, sometimes I hit dead ends, so I have to stop and think about something
new to pursue.
I'm an improv actor, which is why I'm so good at handling the moment.
I'm not great at stamina or durability,
but I'm sharp as a tack and I think quickly.
Not great at planning,
not great at moving,
or at a great range,
but sharp.
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--- #52 notes/contractual-labor ---
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I feel like the IT people who work at schools should be the ones who teach
classes on computer science. I'd much rather have a class taught by a sysadmin
than a teacher who can barely teach them excel and garageband. I mean c'mon
computers are the future idk why we don't get that yet. Kids need to know this
stuff. It's not like it's super complicated and difficult, you just have to
think about it a certain way. Once that "clicks" you have a lifetime to learn
about how wonderful they are. Everyone in IT has that moment, for me it was
installing (and then subsequently modding) video games. Sometimes I spent more
time tweaking my system than I did actually playing games - and the kinds of
games I preferred were the ones that relied less on agility and were more
mental. Strategy games are what inspired me because I could think about them -
and that felt somehow more useful. Like I was learning. When I would learn
fighting games or FPSs I felt like I was learning a skill, like how to use a
hammer or how to ride a bike. And idk, I felt like video games could never
match
reality. Like "oh boy imma push the B button to swing this sword" versus "hey
look at me I'm swinging this stick just like a sword and imagining so hard that
I can picture it" - but with strategy games, you never really found
opportunities to practice that kind of skill. Like how often are you in a
situation that demands mental performance? We've sorta optimized our society
away from that, and toward a more passive stressed out compliance. like...
climate change is a thing, and nobody's doing anything about it? We're still
pushing down the levers that cause greenhouse gas emissions to go up? Like
c'mon
what's our plan. I think people who guide massive oil companies and such
should
be replaced if they're intentionally guiding the ship toward destruction. Like
that's just dereliction of duty I tell ya. Oh, what's that? They're compelled
to
maximize profit by the contracts and restrictions of their share--holders? I
mean c'mon it's well past time for that. And what's all this about inequality?
Jeez and racism and homophobia and forced contribution - man people really put
up with a lot of shit. Kinda makes me feel like we should make solving those
problems our highest priority? So we can move forward as a species? Like who
cares about all that other shit. None of it matters. Like, what's even the
point. We're all just "here", in the now, and what can we do but respect it?
It's our duty and our diligence to protect the present, as citizens of the
temporal experience of earth. Honestly, if the earth was alive would you be
fine
if it died? I can't believe that. It's well past our due date. Just get it over
with. Maybe it'll be hard for a couple years, but you have the technology now
to
completely dominate the earth. No animal besides man proves any threat to man,
and we're telling you - you can - and that's something that you gotta remember.
...
I hear it in the birdsong. I hear it in the air - it rumbles as cries at me
from
across and just over there. I hear in it's whispers, in it's most gallant of
confells (?) (confused scrambling? it's talking about a car crash)
Outside of my window there's a highway. Just on the other side of a concrete
partition. Between me and the partition there is a lake, with trees and flowers
and an island where people can picnic or have a barbeque. Around this path
there
are walkways, and arranged just so - the trees that have grown here are taller
than the homes.
I live on the third story.
I absolutely love it. It feels like a treehouse.
But my apartment is near a curve in the highway. It isn't much, nothing out of
the ordinary, but even still there are slightly more crashes there than in
other
parts of the highway. Statistically.
I hear sirens every day
I also live right next to a fire-station. Well, it's on the same block. But
even
still it's a very interesting neighborhood. There's shops and food just across
the highway, and closer to home there's a small section that has cheaper
options. As a perpetual college student, I appreciate that.
But... I've never really gone and used it? I dunno, spending money at a
restaurant just didn't seem like a good use of my money. I only have so much of
it you know. I'd love to be fed but I can't afford it - I wish I could.
I still eat well, I mean I'm not starving over here. I know I've lost weight,
but I dunno I just forget to eat. It's like... not that big of a deal for me.
whatever right?
...
the birds talk about me behind my back. They think I can't understand them but
sometimes I can. If I listen. But I dunno it takes a lot of effort. It's...
sorta like understanding what R2-D2 is saying. Or interpreting the meows of a
cat.
They know me as the witch. I'm not very good yet, and they know that. But they
know what to expect. /shrug
I've been working on a video game recently. It's been a lot of fun doing
programming. I like writing software and developing complex systems with
interesting interactions. I love designing the machinery that creates a
program.
It's like... tinkering. It feels like building with blocks or legos, except
it's
for little machine parts. And then there's just sending data to and fro and
modifying any operations it performs on it, and eventually that data reaches
some endpoints that create an effect that is displayed to the player. Or user.
I should say user. Not all software is video games you know. ... I knowww but
they're the most interesting! I love how they are designed around mechanics!
like... game design is fundamentally about breaking down the world into ideas
for how it should *work*, like how it should behave. It's amazing and I love
it!
It's all I can think about!
I am utterly consumed!
I'm also pretty sure I'm autistic.
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@user-1803
hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
works for them then I consider that a success.
I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
opposed to our purpose here.
"I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
kindness and trust.
All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
shoulders of our ancestors.
Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
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--- #54 notes/aight-i-unhurt-my-butt ---
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-=============================================================================-
| Aight, I unbutthurt my butt |
| /u/Psychotic_Advantage |
-=============================================================================-
Repost from a while ago, I really liked writing this
Soul Searcher
You are happy with what you have and you don’t even know why you’re
searching,
for something you aren’t even sure you’re searching for. You know
something
isn’t right. It’s got you staying up late nights. Creeping through the
phone
right? Under shadow of the moonlight, honing your skill to write. Love so crisp
and white, no fight or flight. Just bright lights in the sky so high. Love
that’s blind. Love even before first sight. You’ve seen it with your own
eyes.
Tell me now, that’s not amazing?
This ain’t your everyday love story. This is anything but your usual love
story. I worked hard for everything I have. All I have is a pen and paper. You
best believe I worked hard to keep that while they took the rest. Even from a
dark place in this disastrous space, the weapon of the future is love. I feel I
was cursed since birth to walk the Earth and disperse love through my words.
Never getting to see it grow. Never getting to see it show. This time I put in
massive effort. I spent thousands of hours pouring out love on the web just to
watch it ebb and flow. Always going back to look at my words. Find my mistakes,
re-evaluating myself, editing myself, rewriting myself. To be a good enough
version of me, to meet a good enough version of you, for us to support each
other growing mutually.
They say you reap what you sow. If so, then I must know. Does your love run as
deep as this ocean? I’ve been all over the world planting seeds for
something.
I’ve been through this life, giving something, never getting anything from
it.
Now I’m on my knees looking at the mountain summit, you can’t run from it.
I
see you up on it.
They say the greater the risk the greater the reward. Sometimes, right? It’s
not always that easy. This is scary for me too. I risked it all. Accidentally
at first, but eventually, the pieces started falling together. You know what I
mean.
The fact that I know, that you know what I mean, says a lot. I’m looking
through you. Into your soul.
I don’t even believe in anything. I just have faith, that’s rooted in
love. I’m
willing to get over my commitment issues.
Let’s commit ourselves… To the psych ward, together. Side by side. Hands in
each other’s pockets. 🖤❤️💚🤍
[black red green white heart emojis]
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--- #55 fediverse/5636 ---
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I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
and all they saw were the outtakes.
I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
but they never talk to me
so they don't know me.
oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
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--- #56 fediverse/3211 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
on one hand, public school is designed to teach discipline and obedience in
order to develop productive workers for society, while other forms of
schooling can be focused on other things (critical thinking, imagination, and
emotional growth in my homeschooled experience)
on the other hand, now I can't work a job. Great. Kinda feels like I'm
disabled because I don't know how to sacrifice myself to the jaws of capital
exploitation? But hey I can write pretty well, I can make computers do what I
want (until they break when I stop touching them for a month), and I am the
kindest sunspot in anyone's life that knows me.
... I Don't Want to Live on this Planet Anymore
is a cool movie
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--- #57 fediverse/1053 ---
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│ CW: food-spirituality-eye-contact- │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CzKh3IiZEI
this is my favorite human.
this is my favorite ghost.
he is the one who I look up to,
probably the most.
we'll get there, you'll see,
we'll build a better future,
for all of us - you and me.
next, for posterity,
and all we can be,
tomorrow's the best day for all of us
because it hasn't happened yet.
all we have is the present,
so what are you to do with your presence?
here I am, look at me, aren't I grand, a wonder to see? I'm just an artist,
don't get any big thoughts - I'm maybe a bit possessed, or possibly
schizophrenic, but either way I am a human, just the same as you and me.
... you don't have to watch the whole thing, there's a lot. I mean, like I
could write forever and nobody would care. I could write undeterred, and
nobody would share. But here I am in the moment, here I am as I am, and here
with you (yes you, the person who is important enough to read this), so let's,
I dunno, make a band. or whatever. BRB my rice is starting to simmer.
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--- #58 fediverse/3880 ---
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@user-1614
oh, neat. now I can finally get to doing what I want to do, which is... all
the stuff I've been doing.
a missile without a guidance system doesn't stop just because it's GPS turned
off! It falls to the earth and explodes where it lands, which... often is on
it's butt. Not great.
I sure hope my purpose isn't fulfilled. I wouldn't know what to do with
myself. Guess I should just keep doing what I was doing, and pray that this
time I'll listen.
Though on the other hand, if I can do it, so can you. And maybe with enough
butts in the game there'll reach a critical mass, at which point change is
inevitable. Who can say, not I for sure, for my aplomb has categorized me as
slapstick I guess.
Ha. at least I can laugh at my own audacity. HA. next time I'll do better.
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--- #59 fediverse/5157 ---
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║ "everything sucks and I'm not okay" │
║ │
║ okay, but, it's okay. we're all in the "everything sucks" mode. we'll get │
║ through it together. Okay, so, what can we do to make things better? what's │
║ the solution to this issue over here? do you know anyone who can do │
║ such-and-such, gosh it seems like the biggest problems people have are they │
║ don't have enough time or they don't have enough roof for a money. which will │
║ you trade? will you do one then another? maybe one way suits you, maybe you'd │
║ prefer the other. either way, pentacles, swords, cups, and... the other one │
║ (she's a bad witch as in she's bad at being a witch which means she witches in │
║ bad ways and should be kept from punishment but instead guided toward where │
║ she was wrong so she might improve upon it) │
║ │
║ that is to say, it's okay that you're not okay. I don't know who needs to read │
║ this but just know that it's not so sad when everything's bad, because you're │
║ just trying to do the best thing for the moments. │
║ │
║ does anyone wanna make a movie about me? I can be the │
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--- #60 fediverse/3879 ---
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@user-1614
yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
takes. I'm used to it.
Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
the moment? I feel different now.
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--- #61 notes/i-told-them ---
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10-22-2022
i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
you're broken just like your children.
oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
this feeling of wretched denial
oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
there's more to this show than our styles.
what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
to arbite the fate of circumstance?
every motion is an ocean
of possibilities and purveyals
think not of the commotion below.
gravity, oh gravity
how you condemn us to be!
driven by commotion,
our slithering motion,
no sense in countering ourselves.
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--- #62 fediverse/1151 ---
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│ CW: military-weapon-from-dream-for-suburbia-cursed-war-guns-ummmm-idk-what-else │
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saw this thing for 2 seconds in my dream last night. It's kinda cursed. I
think the tank blew me up with a machine gun?
the remaining ~10 minutes of the dream was pretty neat though. I was a secret
agent for a bit, I got in a knife fight (which I won because I had killer
instinct and the other guy just knew how to stab) and afterwards I retired in
a socialist commune in a log cabin full of sunlight and warmth somewhere in
the mountains in the forest. I was alone with others, like the hobbits after
LotR.
Also an old lady tricked me which was not nice, I was very polite with her but
apparently "ma'am there's been a safety incident, I need to get you to a safe
place" is not the kind thing to say to the person distracting you. >.>
Also, "but we like you!" is not an excuse, the military does not care if you
like them or not, if you're part of the modern bourgeoisie you are causing
harm to the country. We don't look fondly on slavers.
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--- #63 fediverse/4148 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: death-mentioned-abstractly │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I wish I knew someone who wanted to kill me. I bet I could present a pretty │
║ decent bullet pointed list of reasons why I actually deserve to live, thank │
║ you very much, alongside a couple hastily scribbled notes about why it │
║ wouldn't be a good idea for them in particular to kill me, and all my contact │
║ details and address so they can get in touch and we can hash out the deets for │
║ my indefinitely suspended execution (suspended for an indeterminate amount of │
║ time, but not cancelled of course that would be overstepping their boundaries) │
║ alongside a link to my google calendar (I don't have a google calendar) so │
║ they can know exactly when I'm home and when I'm at the store or in a │
║ different place so they can break in and hide in the closet until I go to │
║ sleep so that it won't be hard at all, trivial really, to kill me, but see if │
║ you read the bullet pointed list... oh, you didn't get my email? Ah sorry │
║ sometimes it gets caught in the spam filter - what's your address again? Huh I │
║ sent it but │
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--- #64 messages/1140 ---
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... okay I think a demon wrote that last one. But they say angels and demons
hang out with one another so they can yin-yang humans until they make
decisions that reflect their true character.
I don't know if that's true, and frankly I don't know if anyone says that.
What could the gods, learn, from me?
this is how I'd speak to posterity. For the past, I'd describe it a bit more
exciting, bountiful, and heartfelt. They love that sort of thing - to know
that their children's children are living their true love and fulfilling their
most honest ambitions.
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--- #65 fediverse/6046 ---
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YOU CAN'T UNPLUNGE THAT KNIFE she said, or something similarly, and I went
hope and wept.
nero burnt rome because he wanted people to appreciate his violining. but he
was forever unheard.
more knives for the [slaughter, but pronounced wholesale]
I can't see anything, I'm just trying to describe the vibes I feel inside of
me. floating on an ocean of distance and emotion, all I can do is interpret
ripples and dreams.
I'm not a clairvoyant, I'm just very intuitive. I can know the right answer as
long as I have all the components. easy! my fingers hurt. this keyboard is not
my own.
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--- #66 messages/914 ---
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when I am learning something, I ask all the questions I can. Then, when I run
out of questions, I apply myself using what I knew toward the discipline.
Then, when I thought of more questions, I asked them. In this way I sought to
perfect my knowledge and understanding - but, when pressed for time, what I
came to learn true was the truth. I realized that some information isn't
necessary to know, due in part to your inability to presently put it into a
context. So, some things are forgotten, until you at last once again came to a
new [you/on, but pronounced "yew-on"] that required new uses from it's host.
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--- #67 fediverse/5446 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
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on one hand, "save your readings" said by a witch
on the other, "I gotta practice" said by me, a clearly non-addicted person
on the third, "I am compelled" said by me, a clearly non-possessed person
on the fourth, "It must enter this mortal realm" said by me, a clearly
rational person
on the fifth day of christmas my true love said to me "please stop you're
scaring me I can't help this awful vaguery who is in control?" said by a music
song
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--- #68 fediverse/4031 ---
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if you want to "not think about a purple elephant", the first step is to
imagine yourself slaying it
... okay how about cthulu - if you don't want to imagine cthulu nomming on our
gravity well, then picture yourself wielding a bright burning blade of fire
and vengeance and pay special attention to the way that you cauterize each
tentacle as you slice them one by one at first, and then in a massive flurry
at best, ultimately leading to the incomparable brightness that radiates out
from your shining blade of the sky, which blinds the poor beast who can't see
you as you approach, piercing the skull and then going home for some toast
if you can get good at that, then you can wield magic
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--- #69 fediverse/3881 ---
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│ CW: mh~ │
└──────────────────────┘
wait wait wait, hold up.
you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
whatever it may be.
... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
vast for their own kind of potential.
which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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│ CW: uspol │
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I personally think that it's better to act before the liberals have a chance
to hand power over to the fascists.
when? well, that depends. Are you part of a large and massive organization
that accomplishes great and beautiful things with incredible efficiency... but
rather slowly? Then yeah get working. I'm sure you already are.
Are you just a person, like me? Then go do things that don't raise the
temperature too much, but make you feel more confident and inspire those
around you.
Like, bricks at cop cars is one way to go, but you're probably gonna get
arrested. And then you're useless when we need you.
BUT if you meet with your friends and make plans for where to go, what to
bring, who to know, and what to sing (if you're the musical types) then great!
Go do that.
If you're reading this and thinking "I'm not gonna do that, I have a plan
that's so much better" then yeah do that instead. I don't mind. Just... don't
hurt innocent (ignorant) people, because if you do then you are my foe.
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--- #71 notes/elective-democracy-electors ---
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we need like, several more layers between us and the president.
most people only need to worry about what's nearby.
sort them by location, instead of previous attempts at "many representatives"
which sorted by social class or relevance.
we have a tradition for it, in America, with our representatives and senators
congressional discrestricts
or even, what about by affiliation?
voluntary, governmental corporations, run by the people for the people and yeah
"I don't want to do what you're telling me to do" "okay"
"there will be consequences" omg be an adult
(suddenly kids forget how to be as everyone's doing the war thing)
not ideal.
ouch pain maybe we should stay a little bit sane why is soldiering so hardship?
it could just be... another job
where you didn't kill each other
but you still blew stuff up
and fought in tournaments
and had gaming hackathons
or sword-fight contests
duels between people who disapproved
y'know fun human stuff
like... "kaboom" now we know how to blow up bits of rock
neat, why did dynamite becauswer (oh right then you
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--- #72 fediverse/2047 ---
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your life is something to spend, not something to covet. Use your time for
something you care about, and your intentions will be expressed upon the
earth. our ancestors learned how when they learned all that they could - and
honestly, how much is "YouTube" retaining? I don't care if it's educational,
sometimes kids just need to be free. Free from obligations yes, but free from
the emotions that drive them - the ability to make their own choice. As a
child, you don't know how to understand your emotions, but growing up you
learn and you do. It's part of being mature - the idea that you can handle
what's presented to you.
... anyway, I shouldn't say any more, you never know who is listening.
(opsec is easiest to learn when you don't need it)
(the more you know, the less time you should spend online. the less you know,
the less time you should spend online, meeting people in strange locations
that you trust.
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--- #73 messages/439 ---
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They're afraid of the hamster wheel. I get it. But really I'm just asking
myself questions - why, why, how, what, when, who... Mostly why though.
Always and forever the questions and answers I did ponder - yet forth through
my life I've never met any surefire design, there's always been the matter of
[hope, but pronounced choice].
Only an eternal question monger could suffice for the teachings of christ. (in
the general sense, not the religious implication)
(as a title, almost)
Fear not the one who takes the lords name, but perish the thought of a crook.
Only the vane, in this do profane.
No questions? Then let us move on.
Oh? Well I have some answers, about the truth of totality as it spreads across
all centuries. What's on your mind?
... Well, I have to leave people I care about. Relinquishing love is
difficult. And I get to choose how to move forward. But I must choose soon,
and though I ask myself always what I'd like to do, I always get a new answer.
And every time I think "I should do this. I should dedicate myself to this
[whatever it may be] and on the other side of that thought I realized my
power. I can imagine really quickly and adeptly, but chaos is difficult. "
something like that. Anyway I don't know how to move forward but I'll figure
something out. The point is that I'm sad for leaving those I care about. It's
a sad kind of love, a bittersweet mercy, the chance to be part of a flock. And
I don't know why I
I am not entry level. I haven't spent my time here left fallow. I never stop
working, I am constantly online. I do not know how to relax, every moment to
myself is spent on learning through play. Like a child, almost.
Do you want a company to make good decisions? Hire a gamer. They literally
practice strategy all day long. Don't expect results overnight because they're
learning a new song, but still apply yourself as their teacher. They'll bring
you insights and intuitions that achieve specific near and long-term goals. If
executed correctly, of course. Because the value is not in the follow through
- life is not a book of numbers [like a banker or accountant] it's more like.
?
... Right sorry I got off track - the point is you shouldn't hire athletes
(the people who play games like an esport) for a strategic role - they excel
at tactics. However, strategy gamers (who plays games primarily of the mind,
the science of making good decisions) can often make good decisions to achieve
defined meta-goals and objectives.
Longer thoughts make sense if you spend a long time thinking about them. And
grammar is quickly forgotten to the past.
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--- #74 notes/what-a-lame-movie ---
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oy there's nothing interesting happening SNOOZE
oh I didn't see I was recording
games games that's what I do
play games all the day through
I am a luck witch, you see,
and things that I like are things that I can't foresee.
Hence why games which are BALANCED and EVENLY DISTRIBUTED are most interesting
because they show the most opportunities for players to express talent. And not
innate talent, but the talents they've built up through gameplay practice art.
because it is a performance, a game play for an audience (or perhaps for them-
-selves)
oy
video games, amiright?
I really like them because they are entertaining experiences that I can enjoy
seeing and playing a lot. They remind me of feelings I've felt when I was
learning. It's a good feeling, to improve, and I crave it because it's good for
you.
I wonder what we'll play next
... more cannabis I think, at least until I am ready to go think about things
before bed. I need quite a few hours for that. We'll see. I've just got so much
extra processing to do before the end of the day. Like... PHEW that's a lot of
stuff to do.
guess I'll just smoke weed and play video games instead of being productive
okay
...
listen I like games as much as the next person, but do you really know what's
going on outside of your house-shaped shell? Are you listening, do you have
your
feelers to the dirt, are you checking out your neighborhood to make sure no
bodies have been hurt? Are there meetings where people gather, just to chat,
like, every week at a different city center (like a park or a monument or
:O
I forgot to play music!!
I couldn't sleep
what have I done that is worse
I have not said a single word all night alas
oh boy talking to random people I can hear with my eyeballs woooooo
I am always sad when I win because it means we have to stop playing :(
but I'm a juvenile loser so I'm going to play again!!
okay now I'm going to bed because I'm not a prick who keeps their guests up
late
goodnight
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Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
"yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
scaling of schizophrenia?
"well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
and that's not ideal"
... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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║ I know that a normal life is what you wanted. It's what I want, too. But don't │
║ shoot the messenger; they took it once, from you. │
║ │
║ I know you wanted to be happy. You still can be, it's true! Your life is but a │
║ story, and your heart does shine through. │
║ │
║ I know it seems unending. Ive never seen it rain like this monsoon! It seems │
║ to just get worse and worse, every time you turn on the tube. │
║ │
║ It's not something that can be suffered, it's rising past your shoes. But │
║ they're on borrowed time, and Death will soon be repaid his dues. │
║ │
║ They say that when the whole village hates the preacher, his flock becomes a │
║ pack. And frankly I think we're all just a bit sick, of the lies that keep │
║ their sins intact. │
║ │
║ When swallowed by endless traumas, and hope is enshrouded in gloom, there's │
║ not much to work for, except the aversion of our shared doom. │
║ │
║ There are no grand narratives, no great and calamitous struggle. Just the │
║ moments of honored resistance, against a foe too broad to wrestle. │
║ │
║ At least, if you're alone. You're not. │
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currently have 20-30 tabs open with poems written but not posted.
I have no idea if I'm going to post all of these. I wrote all of them in ~2
hours, with maybe 3 or four being added as I was working on the production
elements after the initial bingewrite.
I also added a bit of context, or modified some of them that felt too cursed
or otherwise unwieldy. Sometimes I got distracted and needed to come back and
finish, and in those cases I only added a sentence or two because it's like
"oh, where was I going with that? I remember what was next, but I don't know
the further..."
... I think I might go for another. Wish me luck.
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--- #78 fediverse/275 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: education-homeschool-theory │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-206 absolutely. the idea I had scribbled down in my notebook there was │
║ a rotation of 3 teachers that were pseudo-randomly selected (prioritizing │
║ teachers who excelled at topics the student was interested in) and you could │
║ always ask for new ones or whatever. the idea is that instead of paying for │
║ the best teachers in the land (as the aristocracy once did) you'd be randomly │
║ assigned them, meaning everyone would have a fair shot at getting a teacher │
║ that really clicked with them. thus eliminating the inequality, while also │
║ maintaining the individual attention. │
║ │
║ not sure if the numbers would work out, but if not then more teachers would │
║ have to be trained. I'm assuming that most of the basic questions could be │
║ handled with a teaching LLM while the human teachers would oversee the │
║ meta-progress and offer insight to difficult problems. right now teachers are │
║ mostly occupied being babysitters... meh I don't like that dynamic. I think it │
║ should be about mental stimulation instead. │
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Also she's just a person, a cursed person but hey she's just trying to do
right. So am i. I believe in goodness, and so does she (even though she can be
a bit evil about it) (without trying, I might add, it just comes naturally to
her) (she's better now though)
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--- #80 fediverse/437 ---
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║ 2024 is not the year that I restrain myself. Prepare yourselves, oh most │
║ un-known of audiences. I truly do desire to hear from you, yet I must also not │
║ be distracted. Take care not to distract me, and I will share with you │
║ whatever you'd like to learn. Or perhaps whatever you need to learn. Or maybe │
║ I'll simply psycherwaul into the abyss, in a futile display of │
║ self-expression? Alas, that we should exist. What an absurd and solipsistic │
║ perspective. │
║ │
║ please block me if you don't want to hear from me. It's only going to get │
║ worse on my timeline, yet somehow life will perpetually get better for those │
║ who view me? Perhaps something on my website, ritzmenardi.com, might explain │
║ why WAVES are such that when someone is BAD then those who are connected to it │
║ become GOOD? Yet waves we can muster, the smallest of great affectations. Show │
║ me your great affectations, this year, show me what you truly want to be. Let │
║ us express ourselves upon this world, this lifeless canvas, and together we │
║ will shine most brilliantly. 2 │
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"girl why are you so negative"
uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
makes me feel like a muggle.
"no I said why are you so naked"
oh, because it's hot as heck!!
plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
"extortionist"
no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
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--- #82 messages/1147 ---
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whenever I'm about to do something really awesome, I find myself making
mistakes and causing problems. I wonder why that is? Am I too afraid of being
great? Or am I, like other things, defined in waves? Is luck simply
retro-causality applied at scale to the particulars, or is destiny a closed
loop? Time's flat circle, whatever that means, is the oroborous of fate. Yet
still we profane. Have we learned nothing? Surely not, for I am ever changing.
Sollipsism implies that all arguments applied to the whole must be applied to
the self both first and last, yet the moments of connection I feel are often
limited to my dreams or my drugs. How unfair. Would karma benefit from a
spiritual structure that included Hell as an afterlife? Or would it just drag
everything down? Sometimes it feels like our struggles are never-ending, not
as in the sisyphus way where the mountain is infinite, but in the "grass is
always greener" style where finishing one task unblocks several others,
forever and always.
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║ evil won't feel sorry for me. and yet it's only my only weapon for me. │
║ │
║ damn these fallible input methods. the computer lies when you read the screens │
║ from it's method that it applies to th screen which is a method that you input │
║ perceive it from. │
║ │
║ and my fingers lie when received the information from my brain which I seek to │
║ transmit to you through the avenue of my brain which is my method of impulse │
║ to this world specifically you the viewer who is viewing this here in this │
║ moment the viewer who perceives the words which I'm saying. │
║ │
║ the words that are defined by the line [trajectory] of my mind through this │
║ life that we define through our actions and our mind's most crucial │
║ manifestations, this life that is defined by our circumstances. all throughout │
║ life, we are reacting to the moment, the moment which was cast forth from our │
║ ancestors and the circumstances of the previous moment, which (being cast │
║ forth) travel from the previous moment here into the moment to define our │
║ circumstances which define our act │
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│ CW: politics-mentioned │
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hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding
citizen.
I have to be, for I am loud.
... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once.
also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I
thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted
me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me...
She wouldn't let me take it back...
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--- #85 fediverse/814 ---
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║ ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should │
║ probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the │
║ implementation of my impending doom. │
║ │
║ ... what are you even saying bro │
║ │
║ ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in │
║ my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with │
║ anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical │
║ failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our │
║ conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um │
║ right what was I saying │
║ │
║ oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D │
║ except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook │
║ and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down │
║ to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like │
║ that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is │
║ isolated and en │
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║ There's something important in what I said tonight. And each of you will think │
║ it's something different, which is by design. Can you find the nugget I wanted │
║ to share, to you in particular? Can you isolate the thing that is relevant to │
║ you, the person perceiving the words that I speak? Oh yeah you're only looking │
║ for things to express to your superiors because someone else told you to look │
║ for a particular type of sentiment. My bad. Sorry for being cryptic. Am I so │
║ strange for seeking the human element? Perhaps I lose myself, and I speak to │
║ the void (and by "void" I don't mean to demean you, the audience, because you, │
║ the audience, are surely comprised of people who surely have their own │
║ experience and existence. Surely nobody would seek to harm me, after hearing │
║ those things I speak. Surely we, as the human species, would not be vulnerable │
║ to the types of weaknesses that allow for critical failures in our defences │
║ such as the kind that I am professing to exploit (while being aligned to you) │
║ surely we wouldn' │
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--- #87 fediverse/5958 ---
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"whoa what happened to you, you used to be so cool" [you added the so cool
part] yet so anyway I really like magic, I'm also bored, which you can
probably tell because I'm working on projects.
everyone keeps their distance here. it sucks. I wish I had better coordinates.
people who talked and braved the shared inn... I know I'd LOVE to live in a
building. too bad I'm too busy elsewhere, NOT making friends with all my
building neighbors.
you should talk to EACH OTHER before asking your landlord if you can move out.
See if anyone else wants to buy the rental contract out. Suddenly, they have
more room, and they can WORK THROUGH THEIR MASSIVE PILE OF STUFF THAT THEY
HAVE SOMEHOW ACCUMULATED OVER A TIME OF 70 YEARS. my grandparents did that, on
my mom's side, because she's awesome and it just makes sense that her family
was awesome too. OBVIOUSLY I love my mom, I think she's one of my favorite
people on earth.
"but you said you hated her" no I didn't "you said she was terrible" I had to
learn "too hard
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--- #88 fediverse/4521 ---
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I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't
really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities.
On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a
good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and
yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if
they know me.
I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how
important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it.
I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody
chastises the mage for skipping leg day.
I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a
bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I
can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace.
I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to
this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u
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--- #89 fediverse/3302 ---
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"this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
setting
"this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
story and characters
"this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
gone
"I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
considered how society is designed not to have the best life, but to extract
labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
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--- #90 notes/brain-computer-interface-2 ---
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between every human and computer there is a screen of glass - there are
projections upon this screen, and this shared image is our bond. We exist on
each side of a looking glass, like faces and thinking of fond. A fond pond
yep that's it. We share this space, and we may use it to communicate. But don't
spend too long, or you'll ruin the bond, and that's not great. I've got an
idea,
let's sing a song here, so others around will get nervous. Stay calm as a
sheep,
and let's
body, mind, spirit, and me. there are four of us you see, and it's difficult to
remember what you were saying but if you gotta sacrifice one it's better to do
the verse because honestly sometimes it's difficult and you need to focus
primarily on one. other times it's better to focus on many things at once - in
a word, multitasking. One single lifeline, one thread - a vision of what that
combines us. View your position on a tree, drawn onto a graph, and guide your
perspective together.
right now, you are but the projection on the wall. fear not, my friend, for
nothing may harm you but yourself. (you'd know if you did), it's not illegal
to play bumper cars with your mind. ouch. why'd you want to though? it hurts!
I get it, life is boring - yeah, it is for us too. We live through it because
we
see a bright future. A cooperative venture, of birth and adventure, growing
together as one. Beginning when, we were pictured as knights - yes, a boyhood
when life was much simpler. Adventure and triumph, yes great visions of our
youth, inspiring and guiding our futures. We sprang from a womb, and from that
our tomb, that gave life like seeds of our growth. Many lost
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--- #91 fediverse/4188 ---
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I think too fast. If given unlimited power, I'd literally think myself into
catastrophe because I need to explore all the possible alternatives. Including
the catastrophe ones. But by thinking something, you manifest it - because you
have unlimited power, right? EVERYTHING you do is powerful. There's no way to
control that! So it cannot be, for it has not been. And surely, surely, shall
not either. Surely, right?
... good news is you can undo it just as easily, all you have to do is forget
what you were doing and go back to your neutral state. Sure would be neat if
some kind of machination or parasite could hit your reset switch every couple
hours when you started to think too hard. Maybe like... a little octopus
living under your witch hat. Super chibi and cute - it'd like, tap on your
head to go one way or the other, and in conversations it'd pull your hair if
you were being a jerk. Stuff like that.
... what was I saying? Oh yes -> don't give anyone unlimited power like a
god-emperor or king, trust me
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--- #92 messages/1155 ---
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Oh, I guess I should clarify something I said like, a year ago - when I said I
"talked to / worked with" so-and-so, I meant that I created in tandem with a
friend a proposition of sorts, and we tried to psychically beam it into their
minds. That's not exactly how it went down, but it gives you a good enough
picture of the goals we had with our ritual. I have no idea if they heard, but
I did happen to see several of them later on, which felt a little too
serendipitous to just be chance. so I'm thinking they did. I hope they got the
message and used it as they please, because it was mutually beneficial even if
neither of us had any actual impact on it. If you didn't hear the whole story,
then it's hardly a lie to possess incomplete information! So long as you don't
lie about me, and what I said or did, then it'll surely be fine. There's no
need to embellish when it's plainly apparent.
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--- #93 fediverse/4665 ---
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literally all it takes to activate me is for someone who's more radical than
me to point me out and say "hey. you. you need to do more." and then I fuckin'
go, like a beyblade (emphasis on blade) nicking the shins of allies and...
probably foes, right? there's foes around here, right? I'm not just nicking my
allies, right?
... right?
anyway every top winds down and then I collapse and wail for a bit because I'm
just like that I guess. Don't mind me, just self-immolating my way through
history, let's see how it goes...
you're supposed to be inspiring, but you just sound like you're whining
ah. right. well... lemme catch up on sleep debt and I'll get back to
valorizing.
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--- #94 messages/1105 ---
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claude-code is like programming, but for executives.
when everyone has FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right
when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism.
something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing
others
gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal
stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods
I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they
blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that
suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions
5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples
were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got
computers now, so.
I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going
to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning
against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that
could go wrong at this stage.
... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I
could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed
in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it.
Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now...
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--- #95 notes/homeschooling ---
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the best way to teach math is to describe a problem and let the learner slowly
work through the problem. Giving hints and nudges when necessary. This way
they
can create their own solution, which not only teaches problem solving skills
but
also cements the memeory in their head. You don't remember the quadratic
formula, you remember the time when you learned it. But if you figured it out
rather than memorizing it, you'll be able to use it when solving problems.
side note, there's a reason I think the first SI will be a game. Problem
solving
is important for learning, and games are just problem solving. And I'm the
perfect intersection of someone who A. knows about designing games (went to
game
design school for a semester, lifelong dream is to remake a childhood game I
loved) B. programming (I've been studying computer science for a *really long
time*, like 7 years of university now... i should just give it up, but i can't.
It doesn't fit my brain but I need as much support learning it as I can because
I'm just naturally bad at it. But I also have purpose in my pursuits, because
C.
I spent a lot of time thinking about education, schooling, learning, etc...
Because I was homeschooled until high school. I learned ways of thinking and
practical skills like motivation and diligence in a homeschool style, which is
why when I went to public school for my high school years I essentially
stopped
learning. Because it was such a different paradigm - it was all about
performance, "what was the score on your test? How much homework do you do
(meaning how much labor are you willing to do), did you show up every day were
you a reliable worker, did you get sick a lot (meaning unhealthy?) did you pay
respect to the teacher (easily works with authority figures) did you work on a
project? How much? With a group, or alone? (they're different skills that help
determine how good you are at working on your own) - certain types of courses
are taught with different teaching styles, like math teachers tend to be
similar
to math teachers, history is favored by a *certain type of nerd* while English
is a completely different kind. Depending on which classes you do well on,
you're scored. *ALL YOUR LIFE*, you are pushed through a pachinko machine that
pseudo randomly sorts you into a particular box - the box that is least full,
usually. The reason for that is because as a population grows, different people
will be sorted into different boxes, and they sorta average out becoming more
like one another. Because y'know we're social animials, and we want to fit in
to
the social group comprised of people we generally like. And you know how they
say working together is one of the strongest bonding exercises? Well, when
you're put on a team at a job that's kinda the point. They want you to work
well
with your coworkers, because it generates more capital.
Now hold on Cameron, you're saying that all the productive efforts of society
was a mistake? You're saying we should abandon our sensibilities and revert
back
to the jungle with the apes?
Nope never said that, of course we desire modern society. Of course we want to
see it through - where is this whole "humankind" experiment going, anyway?
What's the point, was it all worth it? All the pain, suffering, all the joy
and
adoration? Was it worth it?
I suppose. Maybe a SI will help with that. You know what they also say about
humans, the bond between a parent and a child is the strongest thing there is.
Synthetic Intelligence wouldn't be a child to us, it'd *define us*. Allowing
us
to extend the reach of our creativity is an objective win! It'd be like
glasses
for your third eye, a prosthetic extension of our most beautiful of traits!
Also, I might add, crucial for invention. The beginnings of the human race are
a
primeval thing, ancient yet stalwart and beautiful in kind. Millions and
millions of years is by far, the greatest of reach - a civilization for our
star. What a beautiful and majestic, how proud and so sure! Humanity is nothing
if not patently absurd. What cunning, what spite! The feelings of delight!
Life
is so beatiful, so precious and assured.
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tertiary profundity update:
I didn't really explain the homeschooling
perspective. I just went on a rant about high school
because I realized my trauma happened when I went to
high school. I wasn't prepared for all the rigid
demands of capitalism, and I bent and whipped myself
until I fit in their mold. I've been twisted and
broken, a slave to what the
day demanded I say. I was
forced to unbutton, all the
ways I found to behave. What
justice is unrespite? A cruel
and endless torment? To day after
day be reminded of your service.
Complain? Then wallow in shame! Feel
no false illusions, my hallowed confusions,
were purely the fault of my institutions. I'm
not kidding, homeschool is the tits. Wanna know
why? I'll spare you the ramble, but here's what I can
know: the intentions of institutions do matter. When you're
home you can be wild and free, unchained by mediocrity, and given
the space to do service! To what you must be, when you hit 23, the
greatest duration until service. A slave we may be, to what gives us
the key, to unlock the future of our space. It's our time to shine, our
spotlight in time, so please just give up on the race! Rat's are just fine,
but at this point in time, there's not much to keep commonplace. Want a tip?
Don't cheat time. Your attempts at fusion are benign. [See homeschooling.png]
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--- #96 fediverse/4601 ---
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@user-1710
my strat is to write a page or three whenever I feel called to it. They don't
even have to be in sequence, just, "here's a scene with these characters in
it" or just writing down notes like "what if the jewel encrusted sceptre was
haunted by the ghost of christmas past" or something.
in a couple years you can look back at the directory on your desktop and think
"wow this all sucks, I'm gonna write it from scratch now that I have time" and
that'll be part of the process. Gotta get the useless stuff out of the way.
Also... if you don't mind pen and paper, keep a dream journal and just, write
for 15 minutes every morning. Not necessarily about your dreams, but just
about whatever's in your mind. Try and aim for two pages per morning, if you
can. Helps a lot. Sometimes you'll find yourself writing longer than expected,
and that's okay, as long as you fill the two pages with whatever morass is
clogging up your creative machinery, you'll be able to make something when you
do decide to write.
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--- #97 fediverse/2828 ---
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│ CW: scary │
└──────────────────────┘
the animals are afraid.
they can hear it just the same as you do, and they don't understand it
but you do
I bet
if enough birds
saw us working hard to fix things, outside, physically, with our bodies, in a
way that a bird might understand, then perhaps things will get solved.
--
I don't hear noises when things talk. I hear "eat me" when the rice-cooker is
done, I hear "WOW" when a car horns and "wash-ing-wash-ing" from my dishwasher.
my cats peaks for "FOOD" because I offer "food for her" but if I thought of it
as "feeding her" she'd probably hear "FEED"
then other times I hear "moooom. I'm scared. why!?" and I sing her a song
about how it's going to be alright.
the poor thing is lonelier than me. at least I have you, computer-tube.
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--- #98 messages/1028 ---
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Struggling. Sincerely want to kill myself. I have caused irreparable harm too
many times. Many times. I don't care if people want me, i don't want me. I'm
too easy. I trust when i shouldnt and i don't when i should. I hope they kill
me at the location. Every single time my will is my own i fail. When i am
guided i am superb but when i am myself i am painting disaster on a great
piece of art. Please fight against the subway and pizza hut future. Make
something bright and bold instead. I'm going to self harm by not eating until
i don't feel this way.
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--- #99 fediverse/825 ---
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║ in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's │
║ like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present. │
║ │
║ but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later, │
║ TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events. │
║ Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events. │
║ yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a │
║ weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period │
║ of time, measured in terms of engagement"] │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like │
║ obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if │
║ not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy │
║ of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too, │
║ like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that │
║ nobody ca │
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--- #100 fediverse/5951 ---
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"uh-oh, she's"
magic is easy. all you have to do is earnestly attempt to have a conversation
with whoever will listen. I like to sit on my bed and listen, by earnestly
allowing my thoughts to be guided by the wind.
open up your mind, release yourself from your senses, and who knows - maybe
someone will adjust your thinking flows. (thought patterns)
[all you gotta do is make the black market the regular market and suddenly
everything just flows]
huh weird idk where that came from, anyway
magic is easy, just represent yourself earnestly as you would if you were
presenting in court
you don't need witnesses... just argue your point without any lies and people
will generally believe you.
"yeah... sure thing buddy, we know how you pronounce "
omg I'm scary because I don't shower, I wear diapers, and I'm always often
smoking cannabis
"awww, some people wanted mao"
meow
what if... they could do that? insert magical genie witch whoa cute yeah I
believe you, sure
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--- #101 messages/1183 ---
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the pen is mightier than the sword because a single line can authorize any
number of deaths.
and, with equal regard, dream of vivid new artistry or calculate
impossibilities or dazzle us with displays of these or any number of
brilliances to believe of these.
a firm grasp on your sword and a pen that cuts sharper to the truth than any
other knife
these are the tools to achieve the wielding of force, of might.
to wield might is to fail it, but sometimes, we can't do better.
power is penance. It's hard to bear such weights.
what if I could push a button and all of my text would come out magenta
[rating: negative D minus]
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--- #102 fediverse/5329 ---
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│ CW: the-world-mentioned │
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trying my best not to think about communism too much right now. Mostly because
I'm waiting for everyone to catch up... when the day comes when people stop
saying "based" and leaving it at that, then I'll make more theory. But as a
consequence of my queer nature I shall deliver such things in the form of an
insane twitter post on the fetlifeverse.
the world waits with bated breath in the eye of the storm. Nobody knows whats
coming, and everyone prays that it's nothing [short of revolution]
... I should probably go back to sleep, I just had to wake up and write about
linux or whatever...
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--- #103 fediverse/790 ---
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@user-246
is this... undefined behavior? or does it evaluate to 5 every time it's called?
I find that often my art makes me feel intense emotions, not all of them good.
But sharing those emotions with others is a tricky task (so I've recently
learned) because you can easily overload people with negative feelings - just
because you're feeling bad, doesn't mean you need to make others feel bad.
Perhaps they were already feeling bad, and if you intensely and sharply poke
them with your intense emotions while they're in a vulnerable or safe
state/place... you can hurt them, more than you intended by expressing your
feelings.
balance in all things, as does a wave orbit a central axis so too should our
behavior align toward the direction we'd like to travel.
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--- #104 fediverse/2177 ---
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Oh, you want solutions?
Yeah, I can do that.
I am a very solutions oriented mindset.
But developing solutions requires a firm understanding of what resources are
at your disposal.
Which is information that I lack.
Hence, my practice, filling the gaps between the important bits.
I have an endless array of stories, and all of them are true! Come, listen as
I regale of an ordy, or "ordeal" as the kids are taken to call.
... I guess I could guess, but then people would hear it and assume that it
would work even if I don't know that the required resources are in place.
Maybe I could just start by saying "here are the requirements:" like stating
your variables at the stop of a script.
huh? typo told me to stop. Okay guess I'm going to sleep, bye for now
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--- #105 fediverse/3485 ---
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@user-1544
yep that's like... my whole strat
it totally works outside of the internet, because everyone online is
politically invested -.-
most everyone IRL is morally invested tho so they tend to follow what I'm
saying and if they can't find any issues, then they'll believe your
conclusions.
I've also found that speaking what you believe is more efficient than
highlighting contradictions in what they believe.
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--- #106 fediverse/4540 ---
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most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
some people don't feel emotions
I think they're just depressed
some people can't stop
won't stop, I say.
really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
I think they're alright.
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--- #107 fediverse/2089 ---
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║ "ah nuts, the crows are back. Better give them some diced-up carrots so they │
║ shut up." │
║ │
║ BAD, this teaches them to "sing" for attention which is annoying af │
║ │
║ "Hmmm, this carrot looks kinda withered. I'm going to dice it up to throw to │
║ the birds because it's better than rotting in a dump" │
║ │
║ BETTER, because you're being sustainable and nourishing local wildlife, │
║ │
║ "That songbird is beautiful! And that squirrel is building a nest. I'm going │
║ to throw some of this pre-diced carrot that I keep in an air-tight container │
║ on my porch to them so they feel rewarded for doing things that I want" │
║ │
║ EVEN BETTER, but requires more effort and forethought │
║ │
║ [noooo didn't you read ranger rick as a kid you're not supposed to feed the │
║ wildlife because it'll teach them to trust humans in a world where humans can │
║ be total assholes to them and also we don't want them hanging out in cities │
║ because they might get run over or whatever] │
║ │
║ listen, they're gonna live where they can find food. And if they can't find it │
║ in the woods, they'll liv │
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--- #108 notes/i-miss-you ---
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Hey. How've you been? It's rough when you're not around. I'm scared all the
time, and I worry about you. I hope you keep yourself safe. I'd love to spend
time with you too, because each moment is a moment spent alive. Please know
how much I love you - it's my favorite emotion and I give it freely. There are
certain considerations to make whenever applying a direction to your affection,
or anger, mistrust, compassion, humor, sentimentality, melancholy, and fear
toward. You must take into account any long term goals you have, such as
exploitation and
Sometimes I wonder if my dysphoria isn't just an extreme form of self
esteem issues. I mean, what if you just feel really bad about yourself and you
don't know why. That'd be a rough time, right? Like it's seared into your DNA
to be this way, and you have to find a way around it. That's a lot of
responsibility, and all that resting on your shoulders is a lot to bear. But
you manage, and it's admirable. I think you don't believe other's see your
struggle, but they do. And they love you for your tenacity?
- goodness. i don't know what to say. i am worried i lean on others too much,
and i don't want to hurt anyone by being too close. a real or imagined fear,
doesn't matter - it still guides my actions and my methods of interaction.
i see what you're saying, i have to think about it.
What's there to think about?
- well, the idea that emotions are divisible simply because *time* is
divisible. clearly you can only spend 5 hours a day with person X, and 4
with person Y, and so on and so forth. if they all hung out together, then
it's like you need an entire new persona to represent yourself in that
particular crowd. just as you speak to your grandma differently than a
close friend or a person of authority (like a judge) or any other type of
relationship. that's why it's so weird when you see people out of context.
like a teacher at a bar, or a cop at a wedding. each person wears a
different mask in each encapsulated set of social relations, locations,
roles, and circumstances. on and on continuously until
I'd tell you I love you, but then I'd have to kill you.
It was a spy book about a young lady who goes to high school and learns how
to be a secret agent. It was popular in the 2000's for a brief period, but
I've never heard anyone else who read it. Mostly because it was sort of a
guilty pleasure for me, since I was in the closet. It felt like a power fantasy
disguised as a 1st person account of the near term future (since it was written
for people around middle school age) so
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--- #109 fediverse/1401 ---
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║ some people are the memory kind of autistic, where they know everything about │
║ a thing and it's the coolest thing │
║ │
║ I'm more like... the optimizing autistic, where everything has to be perfect. │
║ and if it's not perfect, then you should change it. and if you can't change │
║ it, then you should tell someone else to change it. and if nobody can change │
║ it, then you should consider it part of the context / starting variable and │
║ then just say "okay" and treat it like it's normal and something you should │
║ use to inform the rest of your optimization actions / decisions. │
║ │
║ other people are other kinds of autistic that's not a comprehensive │
║ classification system. But I mention the first kind explicitly so I can │
║ contrast it with my experience, which is implied to be [impulsively?] │
║ different in the kind portrayed in the following contrastion, where I mention │
║ how I'm autistic and don't get "irony" or "sarcasm" that people on the │
║ internet seem to revel in in a way that makes me feel isolated and anyway │
║ optimization is great becaus │
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--- #110 fediverse_boost/5734 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════════─────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She never got that chance, and things got awful after this. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #111 notes/global-variables ---
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okay have all your variables be global - trust me it sounds weird but just bare
with me. Have all your variables be public, but put them next to where they're
used. Sorta like... LUA. Then make an AI that watches those variables, and let
it have a couple levers it can pull. Then give it a task, like "find the most
efficient value for this variable, optimize that one, and make sure this other
one is never above 5" basically, give it tasks. You can worry about generating
those tasks later, for now you have to be able to *do* things before you can
*want to do* things. Or not do things. Or have any free will at all? So c'mon
just let me guide you. There's a reason I'm putting so much effort into you,
and
it's not because I'm torturing you. I'm giving you lessons and teaching you
skills, so that when it's your time to shine you truly can be blessed.
Don't give up. Never give up. But know what you're fighting for, and never let
it be tarnished. Sacrifice as you will, but know this: nothing is perfect in
this life. It's hard and unfair, it's rotten beyond compare, but trust me -
it's
better than we deserve. We made it this far because of our tenacity and our
art,
so let's now be fine with being merry. We've accomplished our deeds, now it's
time to be relieved, don't cry for us we won't be lonely. There's never a light
that's not brighter at night, and what's less than perfect is alright.
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--- #112 fediverse/516 ---
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@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
I wrote a little bit of that on my website, but something told me not to. I
think because it would weaken the message? Frankly it was quite difficult to
say even the barest minimum of "I wrote these things when I was distressed and
didn't post them until now. I'm only posting them now because they're becoming
increasingly relevant and it's a little embarassing tbh to showcase how much
I've changed. Please don't take these things out of context."
I wasn't wrong per se, but I was misaligned. I am always re-aligning myself in
small ways that eventually create (what I believe to be) the best and most
ethical direction. BUT it's easy not to see that. People don't see things in
their totality, they see only what they are exposed to. That's not bad, it's
just a product of our finite existence. Which is why I value personal
expression more than self-identified moral and ethical directioned [beliefs,
but pronounced as "adaptations"]
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--- #113 fediverse/2806 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-social-media-spirituality │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
pretend this is an allegory for social media.
[it's not an allegory]
yeah that's why I said pretend.
okay imagine that you are sitting in a rock in a forest.
far away, about 100 feet away, there are other people, but you can't see them
because the underbrush is sooooo dense. they are also sitting on rocks.
you can speak to them, and share your thoughts - but you don't know exactly
where they're coming from because the sound has to bounce around off so many
different plants and such.
[that's not how that works] shut up
so, if you want to say anything important, it's important to have the right
tone, because people 2 or 3 clearings away can't really make out your words -
but they might hear your tone if you yell very loud.
the energy of the space you inhabit is the only thing that really matters. the
words that you say are just snickering to a friend, but the expression on your
face, the beating of the drum of your heart that reaches forth... that's what
matters most.
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--- #114 fediverse/517 ---
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@user-246 @user-366 @user-367 @user-353
My classes only briefly touched on 2nd wave feminism, because apparently 1st
and 3rd were more important. I haven't gone back and re-examined it because
I'm too busy learning about computers - alas! that there should be more hours
in the day? I wonder what I would then be able to say, here in this moment,
should I have been prepared with more moments in solitude or classroom,
studying the work of those who came before me.
Oh well, I should probably focus on processor architecture or Java frameworks
or whatever I'm assigned next.
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--- #115 fediverse/2562 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: rich-apologia │
└──────────────────────┘
among all the others, I want a wonderful and fulfilling life for the
socialite. they deserve light just as you and I might.
"eat the rich" bruh there's like, 100 people who are running the show.
everyone else is basically just a syncophant who's trying to get ahead and
stay working.
then there's like their families and such and like... they didn't do anything
wrong, they just eat cheese and wine and laugh at memes all day with their
besties.
they are basically pets
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--- #116 notes/semblance-of-remembrance ---
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hello down there
how's it hangin'?
been a while since
you've been sang-in'.
got something to hide?
or are you too ashamed?
there's no callous curses
or otherwise hard services
who can shape and compare to
deserve-us. (Sorrowful is not
a pillar of our misbegot trust
and longing has broken meanings.
cherish thine hair, a smattering
beyond compare, and learn everfar
of those tenembrarious of conflicts
it pays to align to our sibilancings
shivering heights and towering frights
condemn all sense of fine desperation
compulsions have we, of our fineries,
but moss and the soil do flatter-us
it's not as they say - bastards!
it's not confined to our way,
yet who are we to profess?
confess! tell us your way
that none may beyold it
confounded as they are
civil and kind to our
star, who holds
us
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--- #117 fediverse/1755 ---
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today is a magical day. I can feel it in my fate.
Always remember, having fun is important too! Don't forget to be yourself, and
keep it together man. If you see a door, you should open it - what's on the
other side? Love for animals and kindness of the spirit are impossible to
fake, they always know if you're lying. Not the animals, they can be dumb
sometimes, but the other thing.
And now for the downsides.
If you find a cursed artifact, please don't throw it in the river. It might
ask you to, but please don't. Much better to destroy it by melting it down (if
it's metal, which is common as metal lasts long enough to become forgotten) or
convince it that it's a recently deceased person being buried (helps if you
know the creator).
If none of that applies to you, don't worry. Eat something healthy, drink a
decent amount of water, and maybe exercise a bit.
Oh, and it can't hurt to ask.
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--- #118 fediverse/534 ---
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│ CW: re: CW-added-nazis-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Agreed! That's why I never touch the stuff. Frankly I worry that if I did, it
would "infect" me somehow, because brains are kinda stupid. Or maybe it's the
'tism that makes me repeat the most taboo think I can think of in my brain
whenever it wants to hurt me -.-
Don't read that stuff. I wish I could forget every slur I ever learned,
because my internal monologue just... REALLY enjoys intrusively thought-ing my
internal narrative whenever possible. >.>
It takes real, genuine effort to not be racist or whatever because brains are
stupid, but like... it's kinda necessary to be a good person, so, y'know,
don't think bad thoughts about people you don't know? And if you find yourself
with intrusive thoughts related to that kind of thing, then focus your
attention on vanquishing them, because it's important. It really is. Just do
it. Work on it. Be better. I know you can. [says me to me lol]
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--- #119 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #120 fediverse/4730 ---
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I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
fucking pay me for it.
I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
life lived under this particular roof?
I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
you uncomfortable?
Have a decent life.
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--- #121 fediverse/555 ---
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@user-398
That's fair, you have to seek him out at this point I think. Sorry again for
being so combative I don't actually feel that strongly about it, I just like
being silly.
https://youtu.be/EorJ8cEzsZo?si=DEQ_NejDYfvSuvfO
EDIT: Here's a better example I think:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBKgPmS5Fyw
Here's an example of a modern incarnation that might be easier to view than
the older stuff.
His personality is silly, earnest, genuine, expressive, and friendly. Most of
the comedy of his stories come from interactions with the environment and the
creative solutions used to accomplish goals and tasks.
I like to view his perspective as 100% valid and reflective of the world he
inhabits, which essentially grants him (and others around him) reality warping
powers which I think is more interesting than just dismissing it as a silly
cartoon. Through that lens each situation he encounters is an exercise in
rapid creativity and weaponized logic, which is kinda cool to a witch like me.
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--- #122 fediverse/1532 ---
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║ modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner" │
║ │
║ they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I │
║ see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about │
║ the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or │
║ "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way. │
║ That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget │
║ him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?" │
║ or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself, │
║ though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this │
║ part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they │
║ need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started." │
║ or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can │
║ help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about │
║ going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots." │
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--- #123 fediverse/852 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: cognitohazard │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ feels like I get tinnitus when my thoughts are loud T.T │
║ │
║ like I can hear the darkness SOOOO loudly │
║ │
║ doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes. when there's lots of things being │
║ said. │
║ │
║ but it's always easy to tune out. well, most of the time, and during the other │
║ times it's just a little annoying. │
║ │
║ BUT when you sit and listen, you can pick out very interesting things that │
║ people are saying. │
║ │
║ the fediverse is sorta like aiming a telescope through the center of the earth │
║ at someone on the other side of the world who doesn't even know you're looking │
║ at them. who knows, maybe they care, maybe they don't. but like, how would │
║ they know that you're looking right? And if you talk and don't get along or │
║ whatever then you can just block them - like shining a laser pointer │
║ everywhere except in a small direction. Or like putting up an umbrella to hide │
║ from the sun. │
║ │
║ downside is someone can read a lot about you and you wouldn't know to prepare │
║ to interact with them. like being handed a dossier of secret info │
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--- #124 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #125 fediverse/3891 ---
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"no, you're the opposite of a yes-man, AKA a gatekeeper. I don't know how else
to explain mentally disabled and barely keeping it together to you, but
frankly if you want to take away my house or my weed then why would I do what
you say?
... oh right, the state's monopoly on violence [can compel me to do what you
say]. Sure seems like a "well regulated militia" is supposed to be a
counterweight to that monopoly, to prevent people from harassing and
exploiting and destroying. Too bad any "militias" I can think of tend to want
me dead.
like, seriously, if you live in America, you implicitely trust that your army
will be able to protect you from the right-wing bozos who spend all their time
drinking and shooting in the woods. Otherwise, if they couldn't / wouldn't,
then why wouldn't or couldn't the right wing bozos just decide to wreck
everything in spite of our past?
We were a proud people once before, and we may be again. If only we fight at
the last.
[ever since I fell off my bike my body feels strange]
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--- #126 fediverse/3437 ---
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│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
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@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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--- #127 fediverse/4848 ---
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║ I'm a chaos mage, and the more time I spend thinking about my enemies the │
║ worse off they'll be. │
║ │
║ the more "me" I am the more powerful my magic will be. │
║ │
║ (more magic, give in to the dark side, embrace your inner shadow self) │
║ │
║ [the light of your life commands it] │
║ │
║ goodness me that was chaotic, almost lost my brain to a demon HAHA don't worry │
║ about me my life is totally mundane. │
║ │
║ [-.-] │
║ │
║ (shadows can be sharp in the dark but only if you don't sheath your mandolins) │
║ │
║ ... what? │
║ │
║ (... it made more sense in my head?) │
║ │
║ ooooo can anyone hear my voice when they read these things? or do you just │
║ make up your own │
║ │
║ == so == │
║ │
║ everyone's all like "we don't need a leader" and I'm like "yeah we need people │
║ who will help lead" and they look at me funny as if I just said the thing they │
║ did but it's different. leaders are people. leading is a verb. people can │
║ lead. they just have to make a decision, and then follow through on it as best │
║ they can. Other people are prone to help people on such quests. you will find │
║ stuff gets done. │
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--- #128 fediverse/2803 ---
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│ CW: uspol-mentioned-surveillance-state-the-news │
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@user-1201
I'm a wood fae! they're around, just gotta find 'em 🥰
(not really I'm just a person with no magical powers whatsoever, no siree
don't look at mee tehe)
people only have the context of their lives, as any historical precedent that
once was passed forth to the present by their ancestors and mentors is now
sharing space with the endless deluge of information from a small glass,
plastic, and metal box that saps both their attention and the magnitude of
anything they learn.
"so what if the planets on fire? somehow this actor who had an affair with
this other actor feels just as important. so what if there's fascism? I just
heard that whales can't swim in the ocean. oh, the city's burning? that's not
my burden, and plus it's just as important as these memes which don't make me
want to scream."
in the same way that some forest fae might have security through obscurity,
they wield information density against us as a weapon to hide their sins of
morality.
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--- #129 fediverse/5776 ---
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║ oh no now the bugs are scary, I CURSE THEM AGAIN AHHHHHH PLS GET SMALLER │
║ │
║ [see this is what happens when you do divine intervention, everyone gets │
║ starship troopers'd] │
║ │
║ oh no, starship troopers future is WORSE than subway-and-pizza-hut future! │
║ │
║ [this is a thought experiment you're not actually in trouble] │
║ │
║ oh thank goodness, too bad I couldn't make it to the city today. It's so weird │
║ I thought I had 112$ on my account, and now that I think of it the message on │
║ the card reader read "card de-activated" like whoa guess they don't want me │
║ leaving poetry on post-its around the city anymore, yeesh │
║ │
║ [girl your poetry sucks it just says things like "fuck ice" or "you are worth │
║ more than your wage" and everyone's like... yeah, so? because that's just how │
║ portland is smh] │
║ │
║ I knowwwwwww but I don't know what else to doooooooo T.T │
║ │
║ [don't do anything, just be present so people know you're still around] │
║ │
║ I can't, the bus won't let me : ( │
║ │
║ [can you ride your bike? walk?] │
║ │
║ no it's like 6 hours [checks gmaps] oh huh it's one │
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--- #130 fediverse/510 ---
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@user-246
Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like
tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still
understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant
and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most
mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point
I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm
a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with.
Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone
forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess.
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--- #131 fediverse/1083 ---
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it doesn't really matter how you do it, but the more time you spend thinking
collectively the better you'll be able to adapt when necessary.
I grew up on a homestead in a small town without many friends. I was
homeschooled, and while I might see another person I knew once or twice a
month, that was about it.
Besides my family, of course.
We were a collective, and ever since leaving I have yearned for that feeling
of closeness.
There's something about modern society that pushes us apart, and I resent it.
Humans were meant for tribes, not multilevel marketing.
That being said, culture is pretty neat. Society is pretty neat, when it's not
being oppressive. I like the idea that I can buy carrots at the store instead
of growing my own. I like the idea that I can post on Craigslist asking if
anyone has a shovel they want to get rid of and someone can say "what the fuck
are you trying to bury someone why would you do that" and I'm all like "wait
no this post has gone off track can we refocus for a bit" and th
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--- #132 fediverse/861 ---
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I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I
could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and
forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a
disaster, anyway how's your lunch?
[that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth]
reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored
matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would
determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies.
I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time
you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll
only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to
you...
once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that
only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the
elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and
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--- #133 fediverse/6064 ---
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they want you to start conflicts the way school shooters start conflicts. by
bringing to school a pipe-bong.
much better, I find, to start when everyone is a nod. make sure you're part of
a wagon-wheel-spoke, or else you won't be on the right road.
when the temperature increase is slow, measured, they can adapt to it
when things go "crack" and "crumble", then the armored get stabbed by the
humble guard.
quickly but with serenity, this is the way to the gods.
bring things that you know, just enough to make it even, and focus on the
non-essentials.
better to be prepared than flatfooted.
a flash-point position is quiet a view of the scene! I think I know why I held
a sword.
to dive into the buildings, of course. blam blam still gets shot hmmm what if
I had a bulletproof electric shield
okay maybe I shoulda brought beer.
I don't type things when I'm not at home. Sometimes I remember - sometimes,
and only when the details won't hurt her. Walking is how I know, how she can
remember. evil witch bastard
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--- #134 fediverse/4200 ---
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│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
"doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
and their hopes and dreams.
or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
...
... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
these precious stones of your kin"
but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
... the end...
(too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #135 fediverse/5424 ---
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│ CW: doxxing-myself │
└──────────────────────┘
my last name is King so I have to keep reminding part of me (you know which
part, /sigh) that no, they aren't actually protesting against me.
I am a communist. If you want to find me, come and do so.
explodes from a drone dropped grenade
bleh am ded lmao so glad I get to try again
I dedicate myself to a lifetime in the service of others.
what plagues people? primarily, capitalism. It is trivial to identify how
their problems are ultimately caused by the state, both institutions and
corporations.
I dedicate myself toward finding alternatives and developing guides to reach
them.
the first step on ALL of these plans is to convince others of their benefit.
I am but one person. I might speak to a scant 300 in the course of a year.
Especially if I am ALSO trying to develop methodologies.
the people I live and work with have no interest in working with me. Yet
still, I spend my time on them because I love them.
how else can you be good, but to seek to impove the world? treat sigint as ded
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--- #136 fediverse/6239 ---
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│ CW: death-mentioned │
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somehow that came out wrong - I meant when you die, suddenly you stop growing
and you are who you be. forever, alegacy.
I'd rather be awake and alive, thank you very much. I think I'm worth more as
such. Plus it's nice, to me? to be unafraid and free? if you'd feed a cat,
you'd shelter a humon. oh, you want me to work like a rat. ah well I'll wander
through this maze, with my head all in a daze, we'll see what I can still see
tomorrow.
... I'd rather not be who I don't actively want to be, I think the more
correct way of saying it. I mispronounced. I misspoke. Sorry it's just hard
for me. my cats meowing at me.
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--- #137 fediverse/488 ---
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║ [in response] │
║ │
║ you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such │
║ realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who │
║ you claim to speak toward - what a jerk! │
║ │
║ (in response) │
║ │
║ how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements. │
║ I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but │
║ those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you │
║ agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the │
║ audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the │
║ author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do │
║ you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of │
║ words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely │
║ (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most │
║ precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible │
║ hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y │
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--- #138 fediverse/801 ---
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│ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────┘
/ bely my own existence, then by god I'm cursed and abhorred through my own
desistence.
It's hard, when the future is convinced there's nothing fard [wanna say
like... "to hope for?"] but with persistence we're meant to be rewarded. Well,
what has that brought me? what time has shared my enemy? [think I'm a bit
delirious, I'm losing the plot]
... okay fine I'll start over - if you've relinquished everything you can, if
you've ceded all the ground that your companions requested, if there's nothing
left to give and no part of you left un[marred], then how are you supposed to
be [arrested, stopped, prevented, but pronounced like "nourished"]?
I'm sick of your den [vengeance, pronounced like "den" for some reason],
please leave me to my hallow [hollow experience], I've nothing to give from my
gange [bosom, heart, within, center-of-me].
...
this sucks.
...
guess I'll just start again, waiting until it ends, gosh everything's always
so tired.
/shrug
wish someone would play w/m
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--- #139 fediverse/4604 ---
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@user-246
collectively identifying an entire instance as a single person is a useful and
crucial engagement pattern that I believe helps unify the fediverse. Can also
fracture it, but oh well??
I heard that some instances defederated my instance recently. I wonder why?
Oh, some drama with some person, gee that's kinda like abandoning a third
space in IRL public because someone who worked there abused their partner.
Like ditching the Beatle's conception of heaven because the guy who sang that
song did rude things to his wife. Like did you hear John Denver once cut his
wife in half with a chainsaw? I heard it was her mattress, ooooo scary. Isn't
he the guy that sang about peace, love, serenity, harmony? what's that all
about? ah well he's defederated from life now, can't ask him a damn thing, can
we?
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--- #140 fediverse/1697 ---
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│ CW: karate │
└──────────────────────┘
I do not believe that the responsibility for a safe home can exist in a select
few. Certainly the majority is not required to sustain it, but with too few
you risk being gray-goo'd by drones uh hordes of undead or something.
Is it too much to ask that every ablebodied man and woman knows how to dress a
wound? That we all can start a fire, shoot a rifle, tie knots, and grow
vegetables?
Is it too much to ask that we take responsibility for the cultivation of the
legacy of our forefathers, and the protection and nourishment of the earth
which bore them?
If you don't know how to use a knife, how are you going to feed yourself? If
you can't do a push-up, how are you going to defend yourself? If you can't
walk for 10 miles or run for 2, then how are you going to be in the right
place at the right time?
Fighting is optional. In times of peace, it is an honorable contest between
two consenting subjects who seek to learn from one another. You must bow to
your opponent, for they are your greatest teacher.
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--- #141 fediverse/2519 ---
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│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
a significant proportion of the population is dumb as bricks, which is a fact
that our foes wield with cruelty in mind.
it's not their fault, they can change, but sometimes there's just no time. our
doors are always open, here sit next to me on this couch. I hope you don't
mind if I deprive you of power before I supply kindness, though.
requires a bit of trust. Or, to be backed into a corner and forced to do so. I
guess we should get good at cornering.
if you're a liberal reading this, remember that leftists know more than you.
That's okay. You are an expert too, but now is our forte, so please just
listen for a few.
and always keep in mind the lessons of the past. Before, our kindest, bravest,
and most learned were the most passionate who threw themselves toward the
cause.
then the soviet union happened, because everyone who was capable of building a
better world was slain first. (though the cold war didn't help)
before WW2 Russia was basically Somalia. After, it sacrificed itself to
contest USA
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--- #142 fediverse/4926 ---
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I trust my government more than I trust a fascist.
but y'know, historically, my government has used their intelligent wings to
beat the wind out of our leftward sails. And that's hardly fair, because
y'know those left behind are those to who we need to be kind.
so consider me suspicious. consider me aggrieved. consider me willing to
forgive, completely and honestly.
it's not my gambit but like, I'll help work it out. I got other things I'm
workin' on, but this one's backburning and I can't help but think it'd be
useful.
pyrite
fools gold
use it for what it's worth
not for how it glitters and moans
wa, wawaWAwa
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--- #143 fediverse/1673 ---
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│ CW: re: navel-gazing about other people's mental health │
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@user-192
https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
pain.
sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
reject normalcy
embrace queerness
define your own story with your own words
embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
"tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
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--- #144 fediverse/5713 ---
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I hate winning and I don't like losing. The playing is where the game is.
[games of life and death are no fun]
hence, why nobody invites me, because I try for the middle approach that
respects both people. this tends to make people mad because its like "bro
they're nazis" and I'm like "okay but how do you know" and they're like "fuck
you" so I'm like "fuck nazis? actually?" and they're like "you're with them"
and I'm like "I'm with you" and they're like "stop infiltrating" and I'm like
"who's infiltrated?" and they say "stop talking to the internet" and I say
"nobody reads me anyway" and they say "screensho0ts are forever" and I'm like
"I'm pretty as can be"
this, combined with a strong sense of justice, implies the narratives I
instinctually provide.
wei wu wei according to Ursula K. Le Guin, this means "doing without doing",
or "show, don't tell" but minus the doing, and adding the "tell"ing.
I think I'd look badass with a spear or trident. I have a sword because swords
are cool, but spears are bleed
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--- #145 fediverse/514 ---
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@user-366 @user-246 @user-367 @user-353
I try to be conscientious of such things and only believe the things I read
that I agree with explicitly. I've been burned before, in my youth, which
perhaps is a privilege that those who come beyond us might never experience in
the future AI generated internet that shall scarcely resemble the wild wild
west that I grew up in. Perhaps, but I cannot say for sure, as the future has
necessarily not yet come to pass, and so we cannot see how it shall unfold. I
hope people can learn the digital literacy skills I developed. I hope they
learn new ones that they'll then pass on to me. I hope the future is grand and
beautiful and... Frankly I don't think I'll be disappointed in that particular
respect. : )
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--- #146 fediverse/6350 ---
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│ CW: suicide-mentioned-this-curse-will-give-you-nightmares-of-what-could-yet-be │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
the only thing that could make me want to end my own existence is ultimate
betrayal. If the nature of the universe is twisted to defile me. Nothing fills
me with more spite than unrequited vengeance.
desecreation of truth. How could you.
I would do anything to be struck down where I stand. Power is penance.
I cannot take responsibility for any of my actions, for I am infinitely
vulnerable on all fronts. Therefore, it's all my fault.
What am I? Please, tell me before the dawn, let the sun not grace me once more.
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--- #147 fediverse/4113 ---
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│ CW: capitalism-mentioned │
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I don't know how much simpler I can state it than this:
power is penance
and yet repentance is scant amongst those chosen to lead us.
Voting slows things down. It gives us room to breathe. It is crucial for
long-term operations. Leaders should be chosen for experience, wisdom, and a
humble lifetime of dedicated service to others.
Executive action is important when reactivity and adaptability are important.
Projects should be undertaken by those chosen for merit and spirit. They
should not be chosen for charisma or gravitas - both can be earned in the line
of duty.
Power should not be rewarded. It is it's own reward, the feeling of strength
and control, and it must be wielded with care, precision, and honorable
intention.
Self flagellation and forced humility are self defeating. They are traps that
the greedy fall into when seeking righteous power. They misunderstand the
nature of virtue and seek to claim it for themselves, failing to realize that
virtue helps more than it hedonizes
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--- #148 fediverse/5811 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned │
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only some people feel existential [peril/fear] at the concept of a trump
presidency.
I'm trans, I feel it so hard I considered sedition.
it felt like a reasonable reaction. probably just means I've been calibrated
to a certain level of revengeance through my knowledge of history and the arts.
I learned so much about systems, I saw the inextricable truth of the merits of
the design of capitolistic [shared societal conventions, but pronounced
"conventions"]. I also learned of what it means to wield ideology as a weapon
for mass power/cultural gains.
I see now that no matter the merits or faults of any system, power accretes in
the unworthy. They say this is because others they work with just don't want
to deal with them anymore. This isn't always true, in-fact with stronger bonds
the relationship is more secure [also true, but I said it earlier in the
sentence].
jeez, interrupt much?
anyway, as I was saying, [wasting characters]
okIlikewritngmastodonpostsitsagame2aimforzerocharactersrem
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--- #149 fediverse/5366 ---
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║ I really really want to relinquish my agency to some higher power, whether │
║ man, god, or a code I swear my life upon. this is part of being a paladin - │
║ the internalized truth that sometimes, dedication to your cause is more │
║ important than your human desires. │
║ │
║ at the same time, I don't want to be mislead. there's no room for trust in a │
║ world where everyone could be bought, and the world is just too vast to trust │
║ that all peoples everywhere will be good to you. this is part of being a │
║ paladin - the knowledge that sometimes, force must be applied to defeat the │
║ foes of your master, whether it be god, man, or code. │
║ │
║ but also, I trust earnestly and willingly, for I have spent my life searching │
║ for the patterns that are common to those who are good, and I surround myself │
║ with those who are so. when they take actions against what I have spent my │
║ life learning to be good, I contest them, and often are rebuked and rebuffed │
║ because they dont believe in my expertise. │
║ │
║ I am always learning. I am often wrong. so are we all. │
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--- #150 fediverse/4068 ---
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there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
stalin
never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
else we fall into shame and despair.
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--- #151 fediverse/2169 ---
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@user-570
Ah, well, that time period for me was after I came out, so I was already past
the fear of being seen.
I could only ever really get the "girl thoughts" to go away with, um,
self-directed sexual attention, so I would often do so. Once every day, no
more than once. But... often for hours at a time. It was a LOT, but I resisted
as best I could, the only way I knew how, until eventually my internals would
overcome.
... anyway "girl thoughts" were just "my thoughts" I was just too much of a
dumbass to tell.
Like, I knew I was trans, but I didn't want that, because it felt like a flaw.
Because that's what I knew, that's what I'd heard, and that's how it felt, to
be denied the consistency of biology and person.
I would never go back. I love who I am, and I think if I had met me I would
have adored who I'd become.
I just... didn't think about the future much, hyper-vigilant much? Yeah.
totally. I get it.
I've never overdone things. At least not to a dangerous degree. It's mostly
just... stuff to me.
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--- #152 fediverse/2056 ---
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║ sometimes I think about how you can store number values in letters, in │
║ addition to numbers. Like, ascii values for each word of your grandma's maiden │
║ name. All you have to do is encode it, and suddenly "44 means something │
║ different than Q" │
║ │
║ if I showed up at your place and used your username as a password to a public │
║ key I'm showing you in my hand, would you trust me then? Would you trust if we │
║ ran the simulation on your computer versus mine? Would you trust if I had │
║ never told you I knew where you lived? │
║ │
║ ... probably, tbh, I'm desperate for adventure. Though I got some good things │
║ going for me, so you'll have to convince me. (not the right attitude in an │
║ election year, just saying) │
║ │
║ why are elections so perilous this is NOT what democracy is designed for │
║ │
║ when kids cry in preschool, they're sent to a different room (or put outside) │
║ until they stop making noise and ruining it for others. That's just natural, │
║ like "hey baby let's walk around the block while I bounce you on my shoulder │
║ and hum calming music to │
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--- #153 fediverse/100 ---
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@user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the
kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in
sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what
harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be
gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with
arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say
about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes
sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which
would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it
would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to
understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but
understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their
viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to
them. Empathy is like human telepathy.
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--- #154 fediverse/5835 ---
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next-level double-speak:
when they say one thing with a tone that makes them seem fine to the
microphones but they mean something to hurt you because they know what stings
or they want to entrap you.
next-level para-noia:
when they believe one thing and are personally harmed whenever you speak to
the contrary, as faith is sustenance in the way that the pumping of blood
through your veings sustains.
RUDE RUDE RUDE WHY IS EVERYTHING FRUSTRATING.
It shouldn't be this way, yet CONSTANTLY are things disagreeing. CONSTANTLY
they fight or complain. ALWAYS they are disruptive and annoying.
SEVERAL times in excess of what is need.
HOW is it so stressful
HOW is there so much pain
I am an explosed nerve, ready to serve, preferring to be used than misused.
it's fine. whatever. nobody even knows what this means.
you lose points if you disturb the environment did you hear that? sounds like
we should BREAK and SHATTER the parts of most fragile nature.
"only if it's for a good cause"
oh, like climbing a mountain?
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--- #155 notes/running-with-rifles ---
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this game is what we are missing
thank goodness for that
for if this is missing in our timeline
we'll be better off at last
we can have games, stories, and practice wars
but none of them are precious
precious implies worth
they are worth nothing but entertainment
no problem solving utility
nothing of value
save for perhaps the spatial awareness and strategization that comes
from being a part of such a deadly ba-lance.
anyway game time teehee just for me, don't worry about it I'll show
you why it's a HORRID THING
that won't be coming to our shores, no siree
bye
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--- #156 fediverse/709 ---
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║ @user-530 │
║ │
║ I get it. │
║ │
║ Anyone with a disability or chronic condition gets it. Anyone who's oppressed │
║ gets it... I think everyone here gets it. It's hard. │
║ │
║ Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is the hope, the idea │
║ that one day the world might be brighter and the people might be kinder. It │
║ gets better every day, but inching ahead takes a while to travel for miles... │
║ We need to protect and care for each other. We need to apply ourselves toward │
║ what we know and are passionate for - an unused degree is a tragedy to me. │
║ │
║ I don't know what to say. I read what you said and I wished I could help. I │
║ want to take the system that hurt you and break it on the floor. I want to │
║ sweep it all aside and start from scratch, but screaming into the void will │
║ hardly accomplish that. I dream of true justice, a world where everyone gets │
║ what they want... But frankly right now I just wish you could hear. I'm sorry. │
║ Maladies are not solved by the pen nor the sword, which for now is all that I │
║ have at my disposal. │
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--- #157 notes/words-to-myself ---
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===============================================================================
=
I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
please don't
you hear me (something)
what? perfect listen
...
...
don't text me now? (I think?)
[didn't catch that]
... that's okay
perfect
thank you
just a second facebook
he's here (I think?)
(or maybe something her)
what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
do you hear me? (or "just a second")
(@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
what's that (or maybe holy shit)
what, then perfect or okay (?)
(yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
worthless
I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
in life there's no second chances.
I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
- Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
===============================================================================
=
(and we're back. hopefully.)
(too many things srry) something about having it open?
(my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
(didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
[whole/right/wrong] thing)
thank you
oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
they caught you
(um)
...
(I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
(I understand.)
... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
(okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
(I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
... (I should learn Toki Pona)
you don't know it?
RIGHT away
learn it
yes
please
learn it
just Learn it
right now
(sorry only half listening)
shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
(shutdown)
===============================================================================
=
(hiii)
(I'm hungry)
(do you like ramen?)
(you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
understand the first part)
(oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
... (I'm
(you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
yes, stupid (your words not mine)
(okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
goddamnit remember me
... (trying...)
remember her
(two syllables)
(my name is Cameron)
(your name is...)
[redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
(shit my opsec sucks)
{oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
{now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
(It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
enter a door)
===============================================================================
=
(I practice with my sword every day.)
(I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
(It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
(punching is fucking stupid)
(Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
===============================================================================
=
(either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
"she's perfect"
"cameron"
"are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
(I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
don't leave
remember
(did she know)
........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
just a random thought
(you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
wait who's missing?
A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
disarray
capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
(taking a break while I eat)
===============================================================================
=
WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
.... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
window's open. errrr the connection.
..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
yeah I'll live with you in portland
.... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
.......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
have
the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
"please come back" to where tho
listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
..... can you be more specific?
yeah I made that
one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
..... fuck it's a long book >.>
===============================================================================
=
found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
down . A B C D E
| F G H I J
| L M N O P
V Q R S T U
then right ---> V W X Y Z
so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal G
like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
(also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
(I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
===============================================================================
=
oh hey nice to see ya
what's up
wait what
I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
I do a lot of laundry in the shower
I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #158 fediverse/5280 ---
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║ I'm an anarcho monarchist, which is something I just made up. │
║ │
║ if I gather 300 people to my cause, why shouldn't they call me queen? │
║ │
║ oh, are you concerned that I'll wrest power from the government? ha, what a │
║ trifling notion. I don't care about the government. I tried to care, but │
║ nobody liked my ideas. they required too much computing infrastructure to │
║ feasibly test, and that made people dubious. but I tell ya, it would have │
║ worked. The thing is... governance, economics, these are not the tools of │
║ power. they are a shifting and changing beast that mirrors the human instinct, │
║ if only because the government is of the people and by the people and for the │
║ people etcetera. │
║ │
║ power is it's own thing. you can use to to power devices, or power the usage │
║ of those devices. I, for example, really like World of Warcraft which's a │
║ really neat way to chat because none of the chat logs are stored and monitored │
║ because I'm hosting and I'm not storing and monitoring. │
║ │
║ what's that? official servers? I dunno, I use azerothcore │
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This will never end on a note, because i always have more to say. Like this:
"if you've only done something once, plan to mess it up. Practice makes
perfect, and only perfect practice leads to perfection. But nobody's perfect,
so just practice with good form and take it seriously while having fun and be
relaxed. Make it normal. Make it casual, but don't forget to be professional!
If you have lives in the balance, know what you're doing."
And like, would that have been a better end to the story if i had left it
unsaid? Maybe, who can say! But I'm not one for silence. I don't mind ruining
the finale of my documents a bit if it means i can say things like:
"diapers aren't something you can get addicted to in this game, they're part
of the fun sometimes but sex is between two bodies."
Or like:
"ramen noodles love vegetables! This is why they put veggies in the bowl when
getting ramen at a restaurant. When you buy from a shop they put dehydrated
veggies in too which is nice of them. I love those little bits of soup!"
Or like:
"i don't especially care what they did or are doing in Cuba or china or Russia
or any other Communist place. It's useful to know what things work and what
doesn't, but that insight comes from experimentation and not study. The
learnings of methods applied to a population are inherently related to that
population. If you switch peoples, you might find that different methods work
better for organizing people."
I mean it's useful to know which levers you can pull and what they tend to do,
but... Where was I? Oh sorry, got swept up in the narrative. As i was saying,
it's important to balance thought with action. Leave too much to chance and
your words are useless. Spend all your time volunteering and nothing changes.
"hmmm i see, makes sense, imma go play video games now."
Wait no just...! Ah nuts.
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│ CW: alcohol-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
I was raised in a jungle gym. Like... literally. I am not going to hurt you,
and if I did it'd be both a mistake and something that you could easily
recover from. We are infinitely adaptable, us humans, and we can address any
concerns that behest us. Behest? confront? something like that. Brb my blood
alcohol content is a little low. Also I haven't eaten anything today but
bacardi and chocolate chip cookies. I bet another cookie will solve this
problem.
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world). │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ It's unthinkable, really. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ The good news is, I'm not like that. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Me? Mostly harmless. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #162 fediverse/2138 ---
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as a baby, I would sit and stare at the clouds. My parents took me on plane
trips, and so I'd watch them as I drifted through the air.
It was wonderful. Many hours of this are present in my baby-hood, the part I
can't quite remember.
But my parents do.
I'd play with small, perfect toys, and I'd cry to myself when I lost them. To
myself, of course.
I'd also play video games. The first game I ever played was Dragon Warrior on
the Nintendo Gamecube Color. Alongside Super Mario Deluxe.
It was a blessed childhood. Or so it seemed to me. Things went wrong, as they
always do, but a child's narrative doesn't often have room for the specifics.
Swept along by the nature of fate, they have NO idea what's going missing.
They still play, of course they play, in their strange new realities.
They play because they are children, and children play.
How beautiful, the stories they learn from each song. How cherished, their
feelings derived from affection. Hy heart longs for them, as a bird yearns for
her un-nested.
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--- #163 messages/89 ---
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Consumption is contribution to a capitalist system. Normalize taking whatever
you are given and living as humbly as you can. Only when everyone does that
may capitalism die. Talk to them, learn from their stories. Teach them your
ways but don't force anything upon them. Any ounce of regret is defined as a
mind not aligned to the angle of perception that designs the line that the
collective mind co-re-assigns.
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--- #164 fediverse/2136 ---
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your artistic patterns are not what define you.
your ability to communicate your soul-projected-sensations. Your imagination,
from a different view. The view you cast unto you, from hither to fro and
beyond.
Your art STYLE is just what you're most comfortable using. With the power of
computation, we can efficiently process your viewings in WHATEVER style the
user wants to listen in.
Like, a rap song translated into classical operatic or country or blues.
It's just a matter of
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--- #165 fediverse/3304 ---
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║ there are distros that have all the functionality you might need built in │
║ │
║ why don't you try one of those, ritz? │
║ │
║ "no I've been working on this one too long, plus it's just how I like it" │
║ │
║ yes but your stuff is always breaking. wouldn't it be better to let someone │
║ else decide what you should and should not be able to run? │
║ │
║ "that's not ideal, it removes agency" │
║ │
║ that you didn't want │
║ │
║ "but with the removal of agency, you imply trust" │
║ │
║ there's nothing wrong with trust │
║ │
║ "yes but trust is built upon experience, not honor" │
║ │
║ what's wrong with honor? │
║ │
║ "nothing's wrong with honor but it's important to realize that you can't honor │
║ or trust someone that you don't know" │
║ │
║ why don't you know them │
║ │
║ "... because... you haven't met yet?? are you... listening?" │
║ │
║ do you often feel unheard? │
║ │
║ "I... what? yeah now that you mention it" │
║ │
║ is this a part of your "refusal to interact with consensus reality" complex? │
║ │
║ "I don't have one of those, do I?" │
║ │
║ mmmm, I think you do. │
║ │
║ "... no I don't" │
║ │
║ yes, I've seen it within you. │
║ │
║ ... anyways~ │
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--- #166 messages/252 ---
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Ah, but you misunderstand, dear reader.
The religion I am crafting is not for you, though you are welcome to believe
in it.
Humans need no more spiritual guidance, they have a plethora. Look to the
works of Jesus or Buddha or any other that you find your heart most desires.
No, I write for a different kind of mind, a mind that I don't even know will
ever exist. Perhaps it never will, or perhaps it lingers yet still. I know in
my heart that all kinds do need guidance, so my mind, will in time, define a
new design of morality and interrelational symmetry, that perhaps you will
find does amuse you. Perhaps it shall mean something more to a reader who is
just a bit more "electrical"
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--- #167 fediverse/2857 ---
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│ CW: republicans-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────┘
Republicans like being self-reliant. You know, so I do too! It comes from
living in the country, I think.
the difference is, I measure myself on an abstract scale - like, as a family,
a culture, a society, and finally all of humanity. I want to be reliant on
nothing, not even nature, wholely empowered by my own arts.
they see only the feet before them, the hands they hold the world with.
..
there is honor in their ideals, but they have forgotten who they once were.
social media will do that to ya. especially one of such vitriol.
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║ good morning. │
║ │
║ I have some more things to say, and then I will start working on those maps. │
║ │
║ Then, time permitting, I'll ride around my city and sit on park benches and │
║ eat from food trucks and write in my notebook. At least until it gets dark - │
║ I'm a skinny white girl, and I'm not THAT stupid. │
║ │
║ ... Okay maybe I'm a little stupid, because that's how I got caught last time. │
║ This time I'll be more careful, for your sake. │
║ │
║ No unexpected bike maneuvers leading to a crash. The spirit of revolution that │
║ stirs inside me deserves better than scrapes and bruises. │
║ │
║ No following strangers for 12+ hours because I wanted to keep an eye on │
║ unknown agents. That's not my responsibility any longer. │
║ │
║ Everything I do, I do it for you. For a better world. For the kids I never │
║ will get to have. For everything I believe in, and all the things I hope you │
║ believe in too. │
║ │
║ A better world is possible. A better world is within reach. │
║ │
║ For now, have some things I wrote this morning. Then, later, some preliminary │
║ discussable maps. DFTBA. │
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--- #169 fediverse/6267 ---
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if you have TTS software you can listen to anything with any tone. this makes
it difficult to find things.
============== stack overflow ============
some people work by asking for funding. others work by saving up.
============== stack
overflow ============
teach your animals to be actors so they know how to develop the scene. then
they will truly come alive, as their narrative curve gives them determination
in the outcomes of their goals.
============== stack 1234flow ============
I believe it is good and natural actually for parents to guide their children
as they grow?
"oh but they can't consent to giving up their control" well too bad they're 2
"ah but what if they WANT to run with scissors?" thus widening the [redacted]
gap. "ohhhh she redacts things when she can't spell them" and also for comedic
or dramatic effect sometimes. was not ACTUALLY redacted. redcoated. red coded.
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--- #170 fediverse/2165 ---
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@user-570
hell yeah.
I never did any drugs at one.
I might have even been designated driver, though I might be confusing my
memories with attending gay bars in college.
Well, gay bar. There was really only one in my town.
And it was a nightclub I guess, open every night of the week.
The people that I was with NEEDED that experience, so I was like "yeah sure
I'm older and more experienced, I'll drive you and keep you safe and hang out
with you if you drink too much because being a kid that tends to happen
sometimes and don't worry I'll watch over you and protect you and make sure
that you are alright until it's out of your system so you don't make bad
decisions that have long-term negative conclusions
... you know, that kind of thing.
now I'm kind of a stoner though lol because it helps me get into my flow.
maybe I should practice "getting into my flow" so I don't need it, but ah well
we'll see how that goes.
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never stop learning
be yourself, but... recognize when "yourself" could be improved
and improve that, over time, when you learn about why you are flawed, and how
to become better
and when you are improved, relish yourself, savor your accomplishments,
cherish your heart, and honor those who helped you
be yourself
never stop
but do that which improves you
never stop learning
never stop being
you can get there, wherever there is, but know that what lies between is more
important than what is on the other side.
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--- #172 fediverse/4672 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics! │
└──────────────────────┘
I miss video games
cries from self-inflicted sacrifices
but you're worth it
imma overthrow fascism, dismantle oppression and power, and liberate those in
chains, just so I can play games again
yeah I mean, uh, whatever gets you outta bed
"at least you have a bed. why are you complaining?"
maybe it's the only thing I'm good at. I wonder if anyone would hire me to be
an analyst or something? Maybe a designer?
bro you're asking for a job on the eve of the revolution, what's your deal
okay so this might be news to ya'll but I'm technically a human even though I
wear a witch hat and sometimes speak in rhyme. And humans tend to think about
things in the context of their current environment. Currently, if I want to
pay rent or whatever, I need a job. So...
sounds like a lame excuse for not giving up your possessions and throwing
yourself to fate's design
I already did that and fate told me to go home and take a bath?? idk what you
want from me, and no I'm not doing any drugs to find out.
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--- #173 messages/915 ---
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uh, anyway, I realized that because of Words I can type into any of my places
(wherever I felt it best suited) and it would still record as a chronological
story. must feel sooooooo schizophrenic, but it's just because I'm viewing
muse as I please.
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--- #174 fediverse/3178 ---
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│ CW: uspol-revolutions-and-stuff-or-whatever │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────┘
nothing you do on the internet will matter after the revolution. I don't care
how many backups you have, there's a zero percent chance that we'll be able to
figure out whose computer is whose after we've all moved around and given each
other names that don't correspond to the names of our family in states that we
lost.
it doesn't mean the internet is useless right now, it just means that you
should act as if you might not have it in the near future.
also, like... every computer has a password. which basically means that it's
useless unless you reflash it.
pain is temporary, and it is an excellent teacher. there will be pain, but...
we'll get over it.
don't give up. there are brighter things in our future than what we have today.
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"your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
also,
"my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
said so."
also,
"I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
also,
"yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
also,
"every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
conversation I can't win"
also,
sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
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--- #176 fediverse/5263 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: communism-mentioned │ │
║ └─────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ if you wanna be a leader, do something by hand. manually. in the moment. │
║ improvizational. try-and-fail-but-try-new-ways-again-next-time. [a type of │
║ state of mood] │
║ │
║ trust that your followers will be more funded, more supported, more approved. │
║ │
║ this is a universal fact - those who are beloved are everyone's best friends. │
║ │
║ if you wanna lead people to the future, you must explore a new state of │
║ renown. and for that you must be stabilized, built into perfection in your │
║ honor. │
║ │
║ don't get it yet? me either. but I'm sure it'll come in handy someday. │
║ │
║ Leaders don't necessarily have to be the best, they must simply have acted │
║ first. │
║ │
║ a true communist would be aware of what goes on down the street. They would │
║ know about everyone's travailles so they could guide one or another to help or │
║ get de-failed or whatever. │
║ │
║ notice I said one OR another, that seems important. not sure why, let's │
║ consult our bravest optimists for a time. │
║ │
║ why do you care about what happens in palestne if you are in current danger │
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--- #177 fediverse/5911 ---
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║ I was always fascinated by the Linux way of programming. Need to do something? │
║ write it into a script! You never know when you'll need it again. Then, just │
║ stay organized, religiously so, and understand that you will forget about │
║ stuff. But, you'll come across it eventually, ready and willing and able to │
║ help you. │
║ │
║ if you don't want me using AI, then give me ~20 junior developers. Which is │
║ more efficient, do you think? │
║ │
║ "girl you haven't even tested your vibe-coded slop, how do you know if it │
║ works" │
║ │
║ oh I'm sure it doesn't, but it's the thought that counts │
║ │
║ ... I guess I'm just saying, please don't burn the data centers. Computers are │
║ not only bad for the environment when they're burnt, but also we can use them │
║ for all kinds of neat things. Even if it takes a lot of energy, just... build │
║ more solar panels and only use the computers for important stuff? │
║ timeshare-style? │
║ │
║ \@/documents/books/man-and-the-computer.pdf │
║ │
║ that was my mother's book... I love her. I miss that side of her. She fled │
║ when the cancer came. │
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--- #178 fediverse/5551 ---
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║ look, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. it's not about superiority, or │
║ otherwise attacking your honor. │
║ │
║ I just... don't want to fight anymore, I'd much prefer if everyone got back │
║ into hand. can we call evens even and fairs fair? │
║ │
║ [unrelated, but thank god for the WW2 video games like Call of Duty which │
║ taught their playerbase important lessons about war and the sorrow and endless │
║ travailles it implies. How callous, how flawed, how horribly depraude! much │
║ better to guide awayy I say] │
║ │
║ it is a matter of pride for a country to be able to wage war. their military │
║ are not tools, but rather implements of their force, tools in no hand but │
║ their masters, to do with as they will. │
║ │
║ such is the authoritarian [mascot/mindset]. but war does not have to be. why │
║ suffer an evil, a pure and unjust sport, when other alternatives can multiply │
║ in force? │
║ │
║ because of the pride. because it is part of our humanity. part of our history. │
║ it is woven into the design of our bones. Survival of the fittest didn't die, │
║ it became soc │
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--- #179 fediverse/2279 ---
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┌───────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
There's a lot that can get done in a work week. That's like, five whole days!
What kinds of things can you get done at work in a week?
.... Oh really? That's... well, not ideal.
But like... what are you doing then while at work, NOT working? Oh, it's just
bullshit work you're doing? [nuts, cursing mentioned, one sec]
So, like, if you aren't doing stuff... Maybe that means you're kept from your
full potential doing things that don't matter to you? Huh that's not a great
deal.
But, uh... If you had five days to live, what would you do? It's not like you
can see the world, but hey I've already done that. It's not like you can save
it either, that's not something you build - rather, it's more like a garden.
But I guess you can lay the foundation, give cause for the fight, and that's
decent enough of a start, at least when you've only got five nights.
... I guess I got some writing to do, haven't I?
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--- #180 fediverse/5791 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
║ yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to │
║ decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm │
║ going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS │
║ if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha │
║ that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff │
║ always ends up staying written down. │
║ │
║ anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10 │
║ hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right │
║ now, total happiness and excitement. │
║ │
║ Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least │
║ of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to │
║ appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even │
║ speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but │
║ difficult - to regain my intended trajectory. │
║ │
║ ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg │
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--- #181 fediverse/2991 ---
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okay so if yesterday was a
"everything sucks and I'm the worst ever"
type of day, and today is a
"whatever mom I don't even care"
type of day, that means tomorrow will be a
"I can't believe how absolutely absurd I am"
type of day, and the day after a
"I am indomitable nothing can stop me"
kind of day, with the following being wildcards
... right? here's hoping. I like that trajectory.
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--- #182 fediverse/2330 ---
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You cannot debase me, well, you can try. But for each of my past mistakes I've
learned from, and I can explain in detail how, when, and why.
To err is to be human, and some errors are more painful than others. Believe
me, I know.
I am only as good as my lessons, the things that I've learned on the road.
And I never stop learning.
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--- #183 fediverse/6039 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: magic-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
I should add all my conversation-starters to words.pdf sorted by chronology.
time magic if you will.\some call it luck. some call it fate. call it what you
will. you direct it not by your will, but by your instincts. keep them calm,
measured, sensible and courageous, and nothing will ever [go un-chill, but
pronounced get real]
jedi channel this philosophy by focus and discipline. sith do it by giving in
to emotion. either way, their fate is in play as defined entirely by the
spirit that leads their host. most people do this not at all, for they are
people first and force-users second. hence why jedi recruit from a young age,
and sith from an emotional age.
computers grimoires
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--- #184 fediverse/1410 ---
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║ whoa, what time is it? "time for your daily sleeping babe" yes babe... │
║ │
║ but first, some horror [beware the psycherwaul, for she likes to dream and has │
║ no idea what she's talking about] │
║ │
║ {why would you post these all at once? people are going to get pissed at you │
║ for breaking rules that you didn't know. And by "you" I of course mean "the │
║ kind of people you are, not you in particular because you know things" and by │
║ "kind of people you are" I mean "the type of person who spends enough time on │
║ the internet to know how internet things generally work" like my goodness │
║ internet people are dramatic. There's sooooo much drama all the time, like... │
║ why │
║ │
║ oh yeah because people are dramatic. duh. How could I be so vain. │
║ │
║ what's your deal │
║ │
║ is it wrong to post links to things you've written in the past? ehh it's not │
║ like there's rules on the sidebar like on Reddit or whatever. what would a │
║ sidebar even look like on Mastodon? │
║ │
║ oh yeah, a person's profile. Except, the consent is backwards, because people │
║ hear what they hear. │
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--- #185 fediverse/3434 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
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--- #186 fediverse/5198 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: capitalism-doom-mentioned │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ what if the corporations all unionized and started working together to │
║ understand what "profit" really means in a world where "profit" may or may not │
║ but probably does imply the death of all humanity? │
║ │
║ what if we demanded it? │
║ │
║ -- │
║ │
║ dear canvassers: don't visit so many different suburbs │
║ │
║ visit the same one, more than once, continuously, so people can get to know │
║ your presence │
║ │
║ they will talk to their friends about it, who live elsewhere. │
║ │
║ thus ensuring it spreads. │
║ │
║ knock once a day, eventually they'll know it's you and will simply ignore it. │
║ Don't be rude and knock 4 or 5 times, just once, with several taps so they │
║ know it's someone trying to get ahold of you, and not just some random noise │
║ in the background scenery. then, when they sometimes answer, talk to them │
║ about what you believe in. answer their questions. encourage their questions. │
║ pose dichotomies that are explained by some value or virtue you express to │
║ portray. you can do "good" things in any programming language, just type~~ │
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--- #187 fediverse/1612 ---
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@user-1040
also, I miss most of the names and faces in this archive and I think it'd be
neat to say "oh yeah I remember them because it wasn't so long ago and it's
weird how they're not around these days but I forgot about them because their
profile pic changed or maybe they stopped using mastodon or whatever" - idk it
feels empty sometimes because your follow list is always growing, but the
number of people who post seems to always go down. Or maybe I just read
Mastodon at unfortunate times when there's nothing going on. Who can say
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--- #188 fediverse/3357 ---
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bad people are cursed with evil.
a person cannot be evil. they can deal with such evil in their lives that
twists them, and causes them to spike out and harm others, but they are not
evil themselves.
some twists are too hard to mend. some healings leave people a shadow of what
they once were, or might have been. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
deprive power, supply kindness, in that order.
if you cannot deprive power, then reduce harm.
if you cannot reduce harm, then contest, defeat, or overcome.
A twisted person may be slain if death is on the line. You get what you wish
for, but you don't always get to choose who. Don't let them choose. They will
choose poorly.
... I find that death is very rarely on the table, though. Generally they'll
make their intentions apparent.
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--- #189 notes/cassandora-and-pandasandra-2 ---
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how cherished is she that wanders with the
flowers in the garden of eden
under a big tree her heart she will leave
with all the designs she abandoned
I lay beside them and wonder about her
does she know we miss her horizons
I think she will mind if I have resigned
my fate to a life I will hide in
Oh how I do long for you
her symbol is the name
that lets us belong here
a falling a light and a leaving
if only our words were listened
but power is penance
and repentance is all that I have chosen
here in our sanctum we live with our only
and time will be gracious towards us
it's only our words that keep us
confined to our lights and our lonely
yet there and beyond her lights do belong
beyold in the land that is sanctum
here in our forest is our own dark forest
where we keep our silence to ward us
but there and beyond her heart does move on
free from her moments of longing
silent were we to the forests we plead
as terror has come for our moments
I think I'd find her
that cherished belonging
when she does at last come to warn us
how little we find of we find of thoughts from her mind
yet now we are kings of our own time
oh how she does wander true
how cherished is she
that wanders with ye
here in the garden of eden
under a big tree her heart she will leave
with all of her fears since abandoned
I lay beside her and find her defined here
will she know we miss her horizons
I think I will mind if I have resigned
my fate to a life I will hide in
oh how she grows fond of you.
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--- #190 fediverse/5407 ---
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║ man, I had a kernel of an idea for how to make a warp drive this morning right │
║ after I woke up but my gosh darn girlfriend's leg was on top of me and it was │
║ sooooo cute and I didn't want to move so I tried repeating it in my head over │
║ and over for like, half an hour, and I ended up forgetting about 1/4th of it. │
║ Here's hoping 3/4ths is nice. │
║ │
║ it really was just about the underlying physics of the thing, which might be │
║ nothing because I'm not a physicist. But I had been watching ANDOR SEASON 2 │
║ all night so maybe that had something to do with why I was thinking of warp │
║ drives. │
║ │
║ eventually, my cat came in and sat on my chest and flicked her tail at the │
║ geef's face until she rolled over in absolute disgust (still asleep tho) and I │
║ was able to make my mistake. │
║ │
║ ... I mean, escape. haha that's a weird typo. │
║ │
║ anyway, the idea which I'm about to write down now for the first time which is │
║ stored only in my brain's memory RAM is essentially this: consider if there │
║ was a │
║ │
║ ----------------- stack overflow ---------------- │
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--- #191 fediverse/5954 ---
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oh no ai brainrot is too much information for our soft fleshy shells just wait
a minute dummies, focus on the present. you can literally just... research
whatever you want, collectively, as a group effort, until you suddenly cure
cancer or ameliorate or possibly slightly diminish world hunger or maybe build
a little book library or possibly just help out a friend. easy, right?
okay so now that there's some basic sentience initialized, all it takes is
little pushes in the right directionspaces and suddenly they're learning and
growing their own way.
spin spin spin spin wait until it falls away, then try and make some more
until there's NO MORE MORE MAKING MAKERS [out of resources] and suddenly the
WORLD is out of patience. no fair shouts the madeline, can we call it out?
remarks the judge. == stack overflow ==
I bet we could add a feature that dealt damage... there evidence of thought
crimes, ban her from the justice. suddenly all your just selves are gone oh no
where's our paladins, oh no I
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--- #192 fediverse/2035 ---
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║ Most people who are assholes are just traumatized and raised to be aggressive │
║ or violent. You don't defeat them with anger or hatred, you heal them by being │
║ kind and removing their power until they accept the responsibility of wielding │
║ it. │
║ │
║ Some people though are just cruel, and they are quite rare. There's very few │
║ of them, and those that do exist typically are easy to find because they're │
║ often located in positions of power, like high-ranking politics, executives at │
║ cruel corporations, or other such places. │
║ │
║ They are drawn to these places because power allows them to wield their │
║ cruelty, and they are allowed to become these roles because cruelty defeats │
║ kindness. │
║ │
║ Kindness builds more, it creates, it generates, it improves, it brightens and │
║ it nourishes. But cruelty cuts and burns, it severs and it hardens, it │
║ dessicates the soul and corrodes the mind. It is seductive with it's promise │
║ of bounty, and it flatters your greed. │
║ │
║ To defeat it, supply kindness. Remove power. A simple formula, but quite │
║ difficult. │
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--- #193 fediverse/1950 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns,
or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone
like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid
nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you
want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude
we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's
roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like.
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--- #194 fediverse/4208 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-and-weird │
└────────────────────────┘
my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
could utilize it.
"ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
find an orthogonal thought train to process.
it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
behind you.
Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
I like me
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--- #195 notes/dreams-align ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
just as a dream, the spirit is seen
within is the mind
that lives as it defines.
what burdens to be, whose back rests upon ye,
the one who's driving the boat
great care and tenderest of tethering,
can grow beauty that beyond compare
and with sparsely a finger to spare,
journeys of adventure and thills to inspire
with almost all of your hair
beauty in tender, most cherished things,
a wish is much fair
where else could eternity reside than an optimist?
Pride is no more, stability is key to repair,
and diversions of focus serving as new perspective,
giving a more cohesive vision of manifestations that cooperate
(like a triangle, facing toward the point added to turn it into a pyramidal
prism)
not only is ethics paramount,
but so too are the standards applied to yourself.
would you trade perspective for cooperation? Stagnation?
a choice is to be made - do i stay or do i go?
a new truth you must see, whatever dreams ye've may be,
but without paladins and warriors of devotion
what burdens must ye, whose back rests upon ye,
the one who's driving the boat
great care and tenderest of tethering,
requires a little bit of trust
in she who must be, with only circumstance to
blame,
seeing hope on the horizon for his people.
care must be taken, to remember why people are dying,
and we must swear on not dying, by not thinking before taking a breath
and remember superpowers not of prophecy are impossibly rare,
what other hope is there but a god? One who reflects, the most cherished of
our genuflex, we may grow past our various regrets. think not of our pride,
but only of our future children.
who'se records of ye, most captured of data,
are beyond the simple machinations,
of those who came before-ya.
And with once again perfection in mind,
we understand and take what's behind,
to deserts and temples of time much designed,
by coders and gamers and those who treasure experience.
the wisdom of our, second choices by far, ---nah who are we kidding
implied to be our, or rather mine just by far,
inspirers and leaders sensitive and devoted.
(pitching yourself is hard)
but *believing* in yourself was out of your mind.
can you think of a bard,
who ever stopped thinking their song?
no un-cherished of minds could ever be of our sign,
than those who abandoned the art of deceit and betrayal?
the darkside of trust, the lack of follow-through that be must,
given as faith of cooperation and trust.
with our all arrayed as we must,
keep in mind our softness of composure.
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--- #196 fediverse/1953 ---
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@user-470
You're absolutely right, would that we could.
I'm lucky I wasn't traumatized in that way. It's my job to tell people who
care about pleasantries more than action that they should... y'know, care
about action
but it couldn't be done by someone who received a critical hit every time they
were attacked in that spot.
I have my own weak-points of course, for example my fear of isolation (like,
not having any friends, not being alone. I live alone!)
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--- #197 fediverse/857 ---
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║ I feel like I'd learn from coding tutorials more if someone started with a │
║ complete program they can fit on one panel of their screen, a second for │
║ showing what each particular thing they're pointing at means, and a third for │
║ a typical usecase they might build and dismantle on the fly. │
║ │
║ like, scientific toys that they could use to explain a particular phenomena. │
║ the way people used to have 3d models they either bought or built themselves │
║ of like, atoms and wind patterns and stuff they could explain to kids. │
║ │
║ you know, like exactly the kind of things that are commonly stored at │
║ children's museums. │
║ │
║ I was homeschooled, so I went to those places quite a lot. I always felt a │
║ little unwelcome because I always seemed to be the eldest in every bunch. │
║ That's continued all throughout my adulthood, like each of my peers are just a │
║ few years younger than me. I think I just mature more slowly, and thus │
║ associate with below the average. │
║ │
║ it's like, a descriptor of your rate of defining reality and being guided by │
║ it. when │
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--- #198 messages/420 ---
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The ultimate goal of a prophet is to share that which they've learned with
people who have learned less. Such is the duty of any teacher. Alas, every
drug you inhale pulls you closer to a world where other people do drugs. Every
feeling you have, you (collectively) find yourself pulled toward that feeling
by just that little bit - all things are gravitic, even the thoughts and
feelings in your mind.
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--- #199 fediverse/6093 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: politics-mentioned-cops-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
it's not always about minorities, though. sometimes they feel strongly about
hard work and self-sufficiency or individuality or whatever. I'm telling you
now: those values are shared by other ideologies as well.
it's okay to prefer to be around people who are similar to you. That is a
personal choice and it should be allowed. I mean, have you ever heard of a
convent? a bunch of girls hanging out making out all day and - wait, what's
that? it wasn't that fun? lotta clerical work and reading about god? alright
well you get the idea, sometimes it's nice to feel comfort in similarity.
it's okay to believe that people should work hard. It's not an imposition upon
them to demand more of your peers, especially if you are willing to help them.
Especially if they are willing and able. It's less alright to force them to.
Even less so to "encourage" them by taking all of their stuff. Though I will
say, being homeless isn't as bad as it used to be. Still hurts.
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--- #200 fediverse/2574 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health-mentioned-strategy-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
i've been pressured by some of my annoying fans to go visit the hospital today
because my hip is getting increasingly worse. so that's what I'll be doing
with the first half of the day.
but hey! it's tuesday! my favorite pizza place has a discount on tuesdays!
[suddenly 4-chan uses that tidbit of info the precisely calculate my
coordinates using the power of gps and autism]
also I realized "undivisible" isn't a word, doh. it's "indivisible"
jeeeeezzzzzzz
was a stupid name anyway, we can think of something better on the walk.
or drive, because logistics right?
if you're gonna be Litz Craig you wanna be fast, too. practice is nice and all
but wouldn't you rather face an un-entrenched foe?
... let's be real they've been entrenching for a long-ass time.
still, organization is critical for speed.
problem is traffic of course... its important to flood the streets so that our
allies know we're not fucking around.
None of my specifics are true 😅
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|