=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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@user-596
I transitioned in the USA in 2014 and I was lucky to live near an informed
consent clinic. Two appointments and a hefty informational booklet and I had
my prescription.
I didn't want to talk to a therapist. So I didn't. Now I kinda wish I did, not
because I wish I did something differently, but rather because I feel like it
would have helped me understand what I was feeling.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/3446 ---
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if I had an alternate mirror version of me that was almost exactly the same
except one of us liked almond butter instead of peanut butter...
I think we could probably manage two universes better than one.
it'd be nice to have someone who liked every single game that I did.
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--- #2 fediverse/3426 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
my grandpa died. now I have none.
I realized I miss old people. I miss their friendly culture.
I realized I hadn't talked to him for a decade or so. He didn't know I
transitioned.
I wonder if he missed me. I realized he missed seeing who I became. Is it
unfair of me to not give him the opportunity to know me? truly?
... I am quite different now than I was 10 years ago. He probably doesn't
remember.
I miss him, but I hardly knew him. I don't like that feeling.
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--- #3 fediverse/2381 ---
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I smile at each and every person I pass on the street. Unless it looks like
they're having a bad day, and then I try to switch to neutral as fast as I can
so they can feel their feelings without me interjecting and making it about me.
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--- #4 fediverse/1818 ---
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my previous job didn't do anything to harm me. And yet I left. I let them down
in a way they could not have expected. Which was unfair of me, but I couldn't
resist it. I don't know what I'd do better.
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--- #5 fediverse/4605 ---
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I want to cry
and I know why
should probably have gotten
my estrogen prescription refilled
back when it ran out in october
ah, well, the queue for planned parenthood is fifty feet high
better start stockpiling production capabilities
to be deployed when the time is right
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--- #6 fediverse/2372 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: pol │
└──────────────────────┘
I had a job lined up, but with great personal change came great societal
change. And I got swept up. Now here I am, somehow finding myself blown on the
winds of fate to stand atop a mountain and survey the lands below.
I see the path to our bright future, and it is wide enough for us all to walk.
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--- #7 fediverse/1880 ---
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sometimes I decide against playing a Steam game because I don't want it to
jump to the top of my "recently played" list
Wish I could have like, a heatmap of when I played which game. I think that'd
be useful for the archival process of my life.
... how pathetic, she measures her life in gameplay.
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--- #8 fediverse/1263 ---
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@user-883
My friends and I decided to hang out for two days in a row, I guess they
aren't tired of me yet hehe - I might be around tonight but I'll let you know!
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--- #9 fediverse/1195 ---
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@user-883
alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
picture, I'm kinda crazy:
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--- #10 fediverse/380 ---
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I wish we could have winter with all the nice things of summer but none of the
bad things of winter. And I wish summer could be more like winter but with all
of the good things of summer and none of the bad things of winter.
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--- #11 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #12 fediverse/2488 ---
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I know how you might be feeling. If you haven't hear from someone you care
about and it's eating you up inside, imagine them succeeding. helps me feel
better.
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--- #13 bluesky#45 ---
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I said "enough is enough" in 2010 and it's been enough since then.
who am I but a voice amongst however many?
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--- #14 fediverse/5860 ---
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Hey, life is better on my side. If you wanna renounce your beliefs, please do,
and tell me how and why you changed your mind.
tell me it was wrong. tell me how.
confess.
confess
confess to me.
I will listen and I will hear you and I will be the mercy for you.
confess and I will forgive.
show me how you are wrong.
give grace to those who are wronged.
take as much time as you need, but, there's only so much time.
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--- #15 fediverse/1243 ---
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@user-883
hey sorry for ditching you yesterday, hope you had a good night ^_^
I feel much better today.
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--- #16 fediverse/4087 ---
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there's a whole class of things I miss doing but can no longer do because I am
not a child anymore.
Balancing the weight of the things we miss and the things we believe in is the
struggle of adulthood.
I yearn for the day I can set aside my teenage-ish toys, but alas, I am but
30. Scarcely a decade away from my teens. Which means I'll be stuck with them
for at least a decade more.
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--- #17 fediverse/4345 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-883
every time I've tried to get a job for someone in the tech industry they
turned out to be a fed, so...
I do know people that you'd like to talk to, though. Just a few. That's all I
personally can do.
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--- #18 fediverse/4636 ---
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ummmmm yeah the reason I went off hormones 5 weeks ago is totally because I
want to test low so that they bump up my prescription so I can stockpile.
Totally not because I executive dysfunctioned my way into this mess. again.
Almost as if it doesn't happen 3 or 4 times per year -.-
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--- #19 fediverse/3437 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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--- #20 fediverse/3296 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: medical cartoon of genitals, lewd │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-192
I loved anatomy textbooks because they gave me an abstraction of things that I
could touch and feel
I learned to project my trans-girl [target-of-gender-euphoria] thoughts onto
the mental model I had constructed of how it all worked. It helped me
conceptualize how humans are configured.
I also had bladder issues growing up so I liked to conceptualize that
structure too
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--- #21 fediverse/4141 ---
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@user-1268
I often walk to the grocery store, even though it's on the other side of the
highway
also I will walk sometimes to meet people nearby
it's a fun occasion
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--- #22 fediverse/2424 ---
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if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
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--- #23 fediverse/1844 ---
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║ I got a job offer for a job outside of my state. But I don't want to leave my │
║ home. I feel safe here. I know people. I know the places around me. │
║ │
║ The one perk is that goods and services are easier to acquire, but I don't │
║ need much. I'm fine where I'm at. But where I'm at has rent. │
║ │
║ What a plague is it, that we must suffer for life! │
║ │
║ there's no entry-level jobs for working with our sight. │
║ │
║ only when youre too tired to complain will they let you direct others, or │
║ share creative ideas for fixing the problems you're paid to assuage. │
║ │
║ Alas, that my life had meaning. That my words were better off spoken. Maybe │
║ then Id live as I define, designing a world of my own hearth. │
║ │
║ but if a king lives in decent frugality, are they really so bad for our flock? │
║ │
║ and if a wizard spins tales that are weird to consider, but not much else... │
║ are they better off starved in the dark? │
║ │
║ no-one likes me. computers are paper-weights given light. sure would be nice │
║ if none but the fools went wanting. │
║ │
║ I mean yeah I'd live in a treehouse │
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--- #24 fediverse/3770 ---
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for every "I was there. I helped make it happen" we need at least a couple "I
was there. I saw the whole thing go down"s because like, nobody's gonna
believe a belligerent, even if they're on the defensive.
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--- #25 messages/1155 ---
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Oh, I guess I should clarify something I said like, a year ago - when I said I
"talked to / worked with" so-and-so, I meant that I created in tandem with a
friend a proposition of sorts, and we tried to psychically beam it into their
minds. That's not exactly how it went down, but it gives you a good enough
picture of the goals we had with our ritual. I have no idea if they heard, but
I did happen to see several of them later on, which felt a little too
serendipitous to just be chance. so I'm thinking they did. I hope they got the
message and used it as they please, because it was mutually beneficial even if
neither of us had any actual impact on it. If you didn't hear the whole story,
then it's hardly a lie to possess incomplete information! So long as you don't
lie about me, and what I said or did, then it'll surely be fine. There's no
need to embellish when it's plainly apparent.
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--- #26 fediverse/1600 ---
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@user-1037
oooo those are cool, but it didn't have the "puzzlepiece" arrangement. It was
more... 2 dimensional I think? More like putting marbles on a chinese-checkers
board. And they had relationships if you moused over them, like...
semi-transparent arrows connecting them I think? It was different than
anything I'd ever seen before.
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--- #27 messages/997 ---
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I want a revolution because i want to be at home in my homeland.
Look at me! Be as me! I yearn to tell my friends. But they're too busy being
like themselves.
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--- #28 fediverse/1335 ---
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@user-803
you're welcome! thanks for speaking the things you say. I miiiiight have
screenshotted some things you said a week or three ago and sent it to my
boyfriend like "SEE someone else gets it" hope that's okay
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--- #29 fediverse/1721 ---
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I'd like to apologize to everyone I've ever interacted with in the past. It
was unfair of me to interact with you, and I will do my best to not hurt you
again in that way.
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--- #30 fediverse/3124 ---
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I should not have to follow 16 steps that I don't understand just because you
decided my system wasn't good enough for me.
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--- #31 fediverse/537 ---
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@user-366 @user-367 @user-246 @user-353
Ah yes, wouldn't it be nice if everyone spoke their mind? I'm doing my part
d=(^_^)z
Thank you for adding context to what I posted. I now know better how and where
to use it, if I ever do again. We shall see, I haven't yet read the
examinations of the author you sent me. I'll do that before I think about the
post again.
Those 6 tabs I mentioned last night have now become 4, and soon I'll get
through all of them - reading is a joy to me ^_^
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--- #32 fediverse/721 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-and-homelands │
└────────────────────────────────┘
Hello, I am a witch and this is my altar.
Here, I dream of a green USA.
covered by the branches,
my body decays into parts,
ready to join the next life that needs me.
[read the alt-text on the pictures, or listen to your screenreader for more
explanation]
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--- #33 fediverse/3077 ---
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@user-246
If I didn't stop searching for a place with people like me, I'd be searching
until the day I die. And besides, I wouldn't want to be in a place like that
anyway. I am defined by my contrasts.
... I'm thinking back to my memories of when I arrived here. It was a much
different place, and I was... a little too loud, I think.
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--- #34 fediverse/3823 ---
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"sometimes I don't want to be optimistic sometimes I just want to complain"
oh yeah well what if I want to be optimistic at all times as a coping
mechanism huh you don't have to agree with me
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--- #35 messages/1023 ---
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I have stalled with such urgency that now i scarcely know how to act. Or
rather, how to know when to act. Everything's just... Waiting, butting in and
asking "hey how's the readiness?" and then slinking off to yonder and afore.
It's troubling to know how little i know. It troubles me still more to know
that others expect me to both act, and wait, and i am considering how to move
forward.
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--- #36 fediverse/6302 ---
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I was going to go to location today, but then while I was considering going to
a different location before going to location I decided not to vacate my home
for today for reasons I don't understand but accept as natural and due to the
increased presence of directionless motion that guides and prevails me. which
is to say... I'm staying in tonight even though I really really wanna show off
my cute new outfit! I probably will do cannabis so there might be a
psycherwaul. If there isn't, then y'know it's probably because either my
girlfriend distracted me, or I managed to convince myself to move my feet
anyway. Maybe it's my outfit? I wonder if I could leave if I wore my old
clothes... ah well, questions for the vocal I guess. Gonna spend some time
divining and see if I can gather new insights. "brb door" except more like
"brb magic"
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--- #37 messages/130 ---
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Last night I dreamt of the gravestones that bore their owner's mind.
I dreamt of a life well lived, and how it was taken from them.
[something more that I forgot because I don't have a prophecy transcriber]
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--- #38 fediverse/1381 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #39 fediverse/5681 ---
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I'm a helper and everyone wants me to be more agentic but it's like... no... I
don't wanna...
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--- #40 fediverse/112 ---
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I live through the moments where I find a folder of stuff I made that I forgot
about and I can go back and see it for the first time.
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--- #41 fediverse/5934 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding
citizen.
I have to be, for I am loud.
... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once.
also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I
thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted
me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me...
She wouldn't let me take it back...
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--- #42 fediverse/4706 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned-nazis-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
"oh also I should mention that if you think about her too hard or too often
there's a chance she'll overhear what you're talking about anyway so try not
to think about her too much."
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--- #43 fediverse/3702 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────┘
just helped a friend move to a new place in 92` fahrenheit... I am
exHAUSted... and a different friend invited me to a bar T.T
we'll see how I feel after a shower and a nap.
I'm honestly a little delirious teehee
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #44 fediverse/6449 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
currently have 20-30 tabs open with poems written but not posted.
I have no idea if I'm going to post all of these. I wrote all of them in ~2
hours, with maybe 3 or four being added as I was working on the production
elements after the initial bingewrite.
I also added a bit of context, or modified some of them that felt too cursed
or otherwise unwieldy. Sometimes I got distracted and needed to come back and
finish, and in those cases I only added a sentence or two because it's like
"oh, where was I going with that? I remember what was next, but I don't know
the further..."
... I think I might go for another. Wish me luck.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
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--- #45 fediverse/1603 ---
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@user-1037
I made a picture, hope it helps! I swear I didn't hallucinate this thing but
it might be less cool than I thought and I might have misremembered and made
up parts of it, I can't tell because it was such a short memory : (
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #46 messages/1102 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───
I want everyone to be able to do what they want. With oversight, sometimes,
because we all share things and we can't agree if we don't share. and I agree
to share, I think it's only fair.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
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--- #47 fediverse/2350 ---
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I spent about two hours today (and a good chunk of tomorrow's stamina) chasing
a rabbit through a field. Can't help but wonder if that particular lead wasn't
as important as leading from the front. Ah, well, we'll see.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #48 fediverse/3401 ---
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@user-1218
thank you, that's good to hear 🥰
EDIT: I was worried for a moment haha I guess my reach is pretty small so idk.
I think people stopped screenshotting my posts and putting them elsewhere
after I dashed everyone's hopes on my sleeve. And honestly I kinda deserve it
haha like what was I even thinking
... I wasn't thinking I was just feeling, and doing. Oh well.
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│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #49 fediverse/4942 ---
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@user-1755
... I do that, but I do it because I want to find common subjects to talk
about. Or I think "if I was working on a project, who can I ask if I need
help?"
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--- #50 fediverse/5983 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
I wish I had daggers in my hair that looks like hair but I could wear whenever
I had that hair
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
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--- #51 fediverse/2466 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
do as I say, and as I do.
or don't, do as you want to.
I hope you do want to do what I say to do.
I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was right.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #52 fediverse/3864 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: drugs-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
@user-1218
my ex boyfriend told me to
also I thought it would be a good idea so I could find a job, but now I have
one (sorta) soooo
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #53 fediverse/1838 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
Gee I sure wish my country didn't hold the decisionmaking capability from me
by gatekeeping it behind elections and polling. Sure wish our media wasn't so
involved in decisionmaking - isn't it something we should talk about amongst
ourselves? To find out how we feel, and really explore our feelings around a
topic before expressing ourselves. Ideally more often than twice a year,
perhaps whenever we want?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #54 fediverse/5636 ---
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I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
and all they saw were the outtakes.
I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
but they never talk to me
so they don't know me.
oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
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--- #55 fediverse/2367 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
Just woke up from a short nap.
I had a dream. I was riding on the subway, or maybe a light rail train, and
inbetween stops a lady knocked on the window to be let in.
The train was stopped for some reason, perhaps to let another one through, so
all it would have taken was to open the door.
I pushed the button. I talked to the operator. He wouldn't open the door.
The train started moving, and the woman started pleading. She ran alongside it
as long as her elderly legs could carry her, but then there was another train
behind her.
I saw her disappear between two and when mine stopped at the next legally
designated spot, her little dog was sitting there, waiting for me, under a
blanket made of her shawl. It was a dream, after all, and there were two more
there comforting her. for the loss of her friend.
He could have opened the door. They wouldn't let him.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #56 fediverse/3295 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
@user-192
I never really imagined myself as a person in the future
it was always focused mostly on handling the present
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #57 fediverse/5650 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
I exist now at the height of my gluttony.
I need more to be demanded of me.
I am not afraid to ask for help.
I solve other people's problems before my own.
I have very little insight into my habits and patterns.
My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────┘
--- #58 fediverse/1090 ---
╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
║ @user-800 │
║ │
║ I knew I was trans from a young age. I felt attracted to women's clothes │
║ because I lived in a home with two sisters and a mother - my father was │
║ frequently away on business. │
║ │
║ I guess I liked their clothes more. Or maybe I just wanted to fit in. But I │
║ found myself stealing them and wearing them when I was alone. Then I got │
║ older, and amongst all the other things I realized I wanted to be one of them. │
║ │
║ I knew what trans people were, sorta, but as soon as I moved to the city and │
║ got access to the internet the first thing I ever googled was "I want to be a │
║ girl" - really dating myself here I guess. │
║ │
║ anyway, I miss that part of the internet. Felt more simple and alive. As soon │
║ as their fancy websites made us intolerant of ugly ones, we kinda just... │
║ left? I mean, how much does it cost to host a text-file with all your html? │
║ Some pictures maybe? Who cares it was whatever. │
║ │
║ I miss forums the most, and while I could visit them... it's not the same, │
║ just as the next superbowl will not be the same as the last │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║similar│chronological │ different │
╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┴──────────┘
--- #59 fediverse/3834 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
some people prepare for revolution like a boy gets ready for a party
others do so like a girl packing for a weekend trip to vegas
I do it like a kid who forgot the paper was due on monday in 7th period and so
spends their entire lunch period writing it (missing 4th in the process
because the conclusion paragraph was giving me difficulty)
but I think no matter how you do it, we're all just waiting for something to
happen.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘
--- #60 fediverse_boost/5734 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════════─────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received. │║║││║║│ She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway. │║║││║║│ Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy. │║║││║║│ I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain. │║║││║║│ She never got that chance, and things got awful after this. │║║││║║│ I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since. │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┴───────╝─▶
--- #61 fediverse/4483 ---
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instead of reading the room, I try to be the room. I think that's part of
being autistic.
But it also helps things get going.
Whenever I see a subpost that might relate to me, I take it seriously, so feel
free to boost things that you know I'll read if you'd like to speak to me.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #62 messages/206 ---
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The whole time I was camping on Wyoming, I never once felt scared. As a kid I
was a hero, an adventurer, a warrior and a director. I'd plan out engagements
and fight as an actor. It was fun! And I never was afraid, so I never got
possessed by a forest spirit or anything like that. No evil witches either.
No, the witch came later I think.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #63 fediverse/1362 ---
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@user-192
it suddenly became relevant in your life for a different reason and you wanted
to share it again to see if anyone wanted to talk about it so you could
explain your feelings and see perspective from someone who's maybe approaching
the same or similar thing from a slightly different angle?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #64 fediverse/6315 ---
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"yay! now that the war is won, we can go back to being moderate!"
not ideal.
did you forget to be for something when you set yourself against your foe?
(if my girlfriend reads this: I'm not referring to the conversation we had
about that one thing, but I have been thinking)
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┘
--- #65 fediverse/4173 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
I swear if kamala is elected I will do everything in my power to actually work
on my projects and get a job and be a good human
... wait, I already was doing that. But I'll be less stressed out, so... it'll
be easier?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #66 fediverse/3372 ---
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I don't really need to know if people like me. It's nice, but it doesn't help
me.
I do, however, desperately want to know if I'm helping. Knowing this would
help me.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #67 fediverse/517 ---
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@user-246 @user-366 @user-367 @user-353
My classes only briefly touched on 2nd wave feminism, because apparently 1st
and 3rd were more important. I haven't gone back and re-examined it because
I'm too busy learning about computers - alas! that there should be more hours
in the day? I wonder what I would then be able to say, here in this moment,
should I have been prepared with more moments in solitude or classroom,
studying the work of those who came before me.
Oh well, I should probably focus on processor architecture or Java frameworks
or whatever I'm assigned next.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #68 fediverse/2172 ---
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@user-570
I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
can't tick
[off your list of things to work on]
habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
or pentameter or whatever.
anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
... hypervigilance strikes again...
I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
had so many more interesting things going on.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #69 fediverse/2342 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
I ran myself ragged. Why? Just to get used to the feeling I guess. Probably
should have started that kind of training a lifetime ago, but I've learned a
lot in the past 5 days. Here's hoping the next 3 or 4 will go the same.
I can't wait to be outside again.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #70 fediverse/2774 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
I want to emphasize that my mask is just as much a part of me as the other
part.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #71 fediverse/5531 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
┌────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cannabis-mentioned-communism-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
... okay that's not exactly true. There are lots of things that I want. I
don't know why that was said. I wish I could delete things T.T
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
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--- #72 fediverse/1157 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-woe │
└──────────────────────┘
oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘
--- #73 fediverse/1361 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: I think I'm going to like this book (abuse of CW) │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-883
I'd say "content warning: fear-cursed-if-true-not-politics" that way people
who had "Fear" or "cursed" on their filter list wouldn't see it. Things that
are commonly content-warning'd are also commonly content-filtered by people
who tend to be the biggest beneficiaries of healthily designed
content-warnings. so putting keywords in there that filter out people who
don't want to see intense or damaging things to their psyche can avoid it more
easily.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #74 fediverse/2651 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
kinda tempted to make like, 20 different accounts on like, 20 different
mastodon instances and just have them repost all of the things I've written in
the past one-by-one-by-one until someone notices and calls me out on it
might get some more conversation, at least
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #75 fediverse/2591 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
The full story is a lot more complex. I broke the law with him in a dangerous
way, but he was going to do it anyway and I wanted to know more about him.
I could not deprive him of power because I am powerless without my words. But
I supplied kindness anyway, and got hurt.
I forgave him while he was hurting me, but if I see him again I'm drawing my
knife. If he comes near me, I won't think twice.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #76 fediverse/3738 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
"girl why are you so negative"
uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
makes me feel like a muggle.
"no I said why are you so naked"
oh, because it's hot as heck!!
plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
"extortionist"
no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #77 fediverse/3428 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────┘
my family has always been the black sheep of our families.
I've never lived in the same state as my extended family
(with a few minor exceptions)
I was raised to know that family is an earned status, and my mom took us on
road trips every year to visit them, to give us kids the chance to earn that
affection.
and for them to earn it from us.
I guess it wasn't enough. I wonder if they think of me.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘
--- #78 fediverse/5591 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
@user-1853
I think most of the people who saw that movie saw it as a kid, when they
weren't as immersed in the context that they're in now, where the message is
useful.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────┘
--- #79 fediverse/2261 ---
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@user-1209
if I lived in a lawful time then perhaps I would have time to sue them. alas
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #80 fediverse/2510 ---
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@user-1074
if I wanted to accomplish this goal, I would host a fediverse server on a
raspberry pi and post the link around the building (the owners will remove it
so you gotta keep posting them)
then, potlucks.
then, friendships.
then, organization.
be patient with them. people are slow to be constructive.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #81 messages/146 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
maybe if I slept until the end of time,
I'd do better on the way back.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘
--- #82 fediverse/430 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
║ I exist at the behest of others. If you care about what I say, then surely you │
║ should be aware of my conditions? │
║ │
║ You exist at the behest of others. If you care about your capability to speak, │
║ then surely you should be aware of your conditions? │
║ │
║ Your conditions are unique, and unknown by me. Yet I know your condition as a │
║ human, generally considered to exist on the planet Earth in the year 2024. So │
║ surely we should agree to relate on the basis of connections that we share? │
║ │
║ I am luminous. I am you, and you are me. We share the most precious parts of │
║ ourselves, and yet time and again we find ourselves at odds. Surely we should │
║ align our intentions (that which we control) to cooperate most efficiently? │
║ Surely. Surely we should. And yet, time and time again, we find ourselves at │
║ odds. │
║ │
║ I love you. I love all of you. I love those who exist outside of my │
║ perceptions, and yet though they are unknown to me I love them. Because while │
║ I practice radical self acceptance, I also align myself to be comprised of all │
║ of yo │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #83 fediverse/3756 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: LLM-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1071
I have plenty of things made, but none of it organized : (
Kinda makes me wish I could like... train an LLM on my social media posts and
use it programmatically somehow to help me organize my stuff into different
categories according to what kind of topic or style they were written in.
Hmmm......... There's no way I could do it, I mean, there's no way I could
organize and edit my stuff, but with the help of a computer I might.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #84 fediverse/3563 ---
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@user-1209
good
judge me
find me just
I accept my fate
whatever it may be
for I trust that which sees;
that which is judging me thus.
may fortune bring my heart forth
displayed for all to see, here is my "me"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #85 fediverse/3975 ---
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@user-1631
for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
ideal.
... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
you toward people who "get" you.
like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #86 messages/18 ---
══─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
Hey, it's 3:30am and I can't sleep because I have a new treatment plan for
you. I'm excited to go over it with you when you return - basically it's micro
dosing edibles instead of vaporizing. At least until we're in our own place.
I noticed that we use cannabis differently - I use it like a tool, and you use
it as a drop in replacement for alcohol. But it can't work like that, if you
aren't sacrificing anything then how can you expect to get better? The end
goal is a situation where we don't feel compelled to use substances at all.
And that's not possible if you maintain your addictive behavior - that's how
people develop drug problems, by chasing the ever receding high you'll be
dooming yourself to an eternal life of hunger.
I say stonks to that. We're going to get you better. I can't keep doing weed
this way because not only does it affect me mentally, but I'm beginning to
enjoy it for its own sake, which is antithetical to how I want to use it. But
I also can't be around people who do it the other way (as a drug and not a
tool) so I just want to be clear that this is important to me. I'm going to
help you heal but you have to do it my way now because your way makes me crazy
and will drive you to harder drugs if you don't change your method.
This time in Hawaii and Minnesota will serve as a tolerance break for you.
Once you're back, we'll have a clean slate to restart on.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #87 fediverse/1659 ---
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐
║ ┌───────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │ │
║ └───────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1052 │
║ │
║ you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I │
║ remain humble enough to survive. │
║ │
║ you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that │
║ align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well │
║ - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right? │
║ │
║ I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your │
║ best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all │
║ times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best │
║ version of me I can be. │
║ │
║ Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're │
║ failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed │
║ when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats │
║ alright. It'll be me next time. │
║ │
║ But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only │
║ when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself. │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #88 fediverse/2489 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
in peacetime, one may live as they define. they can be kooky and precious and
beautiful and kind. sometimes, though, that opportunity is taken away, and
suddenly life fades from view and all you are left with is perfect clarity.
I'd like to clarify why I feel the way I do about the situation at hand.
there are three reasons, so I think I'll put them in five posts, including
this one.
[1/5]
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--- #89 messages/572 ---
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I am not a worker
Though I try and try, I burn right out and through
I wish I was a worker, able to apply my trade or skill
But I'm not
I do hope we can be allies, still
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #90 fediverse/3842 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: socialist-future-ramblings │
└────────────────────────────────┘
"back in my day this dense urban housing area was just houses as far as the
eye could see... which wasn't far because there were houses in the way, but
you get the idea."
uhhuh yeah that sounds like it would have taken a lot of time to walk anywhere
"yes that's true! we ended up driving cars to do our grocery trips. It was a
little wasteful but I kinda liked the feeling of driving a car? It became
normal after a while but now that driving is rarer I still miss it."
well the motion simulators at the mall have a driving sim, we could spend some
time there if you want? I'm busy for the next week because I have an intensive
D&D session in the mountain that lasts from monday to wednesday and
thursday through friday I'm visiting my mom down in skoodedlypawsonville, and
saturday and sunday I'm working at my job which doesn't pay me because why
would it, right? but I'm free after that.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #91 fediverse/5208 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #92 fediverse/353 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-255
sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
normal now, minus my weekly shot.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #93 fediverse/3238 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-health │
└──────────────────────┘
I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #94 fediverse/2123 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
Every time you see the same dog being dog-sat by another person it's an
opportunity to make a new friend.
or do you not know your apartment neighbors? do they not wander through your
shared yards?
the ones with dogs, at least.
and no, I don't know many of my neighbors.
these are considerations to be taken note of for future forethought planning.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #95 fediverse/1990 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┐
║ When my family would go on roadtrips, I'd hide under a blanket in the front │
║ seat with my laptop and power inverter just to hide from the glare. │
║ │
║ My mom would play audiobooks, usually fantasy stories, and my sisters would │
║ watch their portable TVs. Like, dvd players that you could carry on top of │
║ your lap. Not laptops, but little purpose-built devices primarily intended to │
║ be used to watch DVDs, or rather movie files that were printed on a disk. │
║ │
║ And yes, it's disk, not disc, thanks for asking. │
║ │
║ anyway it was pretty nice I have fond memories of jugging a gas-station snack │
║ while also swapping circular cartridges - most games required the game's CD to │
║ be inserted in order to play the game. │
║ │
║ which is just... a nonsensical restriction if you think about it hard enough. │
║ I mean, like, can you imagine if you needed to insert your windows disk │
║ anytime you wanted your computer to turn on? Just... write the disk │
║ information! To disc! Save it so that you never need the crude piece of │
║ plastic again! Then pass it to your fr │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║similar│chronological │ different │
╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┴──────────┘
--- #96 fediverse/507 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
Good night, I sure hope I'm the same person in the morning and not an
assassinated version of myself that has been produced through the manufactured
proceedings of an LLM or otherwise self computerized contriving designed to
align to the purpose of my expression (with a few added caveats)! Talk to you
later, I love you all! Wait, I don't know you. How can I love you? Easy, it's
my default. Anyway goodnight, sleep is death and dreams are the bounty of
reality.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #97 fediverse/5995 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
a couple months after the fourth or fifth time I did weed, I broke up with the
cutest girl I knew. She's still pretty cute.
might be correlation, but I feel like my fate decided I should roam.
all over the dang place.
I lived in Philadelphia for a year, just in-time to see the Black Live Matter
protests and nothing else, well, nothing except some fatherhood ghosts. Don't
worry they're still where.
Now I live in Portland, just in-time for like 3 years of paranoia and suddenly
a witch showing everyone that you don't have to worry about being pwned
I like sailing! I wonder where the future goes next? Maybe I'll go to the
mountains. Maybe I'll live with a scientist. Maybe I'll write an award winning
computer program [see image for more]
I wish I had more compute... my hard drive are too full for more videos, guess
that means my youtube channel's been banned
well, good thing there's like 800 copies of my work on a dataserver farm
somewhere, each time I analyze a poem it sends the page there. very repeated
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘
--- #98 fediverse/1580 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-scary │
└──────────────────────┘
conservatives will read about project 2025 and think "that's not me, I'm a red
blooded american, I hate nazis and communists equally"
liberals will read about project 2025 and think "gosh I wish there was
something I could do"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #99 fediverse/5330 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-sexuality-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
I used to be aroused at the thought of being a girl. I would read stories and
look at pictures of penises turning into vaginas and men turning into women
and it would fill me with longing, yearning, and despair at my circumstances.
then, I transitioned, got SRS, and now I don't get aroused at the thought of
such things. It's just part of who I am.
I used to be aroused at the thought of wearing diapers. I would read stories
and play games of people being cursed by witches to pee their pants, or people
who were stuck at a movie theater and couldn't make it in time or whatever.
These things would fill me with longing, yearning, and despair.
Plus, I had some medical issues that made me lose track of my... um,
"currently utilized waste storage capacity" inside my body. which put me in
some unfortunate situations right around the time when my sexuality was
developing.
Now, I wear diapers all the time. I don't get aroused at the thought of such
things anymore. It's just me, as I am.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #100 fediverse_boost/4779 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════─────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ I genuinely wish all Nazis in this world either an epiphany of the truth or a bullet to the head. │║║││║║│ Either one is fine. │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #101 fediverse/3879 ---
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@user-1614
yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
takes. I'm used to it.
Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
the moment? I feel different now.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #102 fediverse/3605 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
I think I'm okay no matter my own fate
I think I'm okay.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #103 notes/i-told-them ---
═══════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
10-22-2022
i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
you're broken just like your children.
oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
this feeling of wretched denial
oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
there's more to this show than our styles.
what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
to arbite the fate of circumstance?
every motion is an ocean
of possibilities and purveyals
think not of the commotion below.
gravity, oh gravity
how you condemn us to be!
driven by commotion,
our slithering motion,
no sense in countering ourselves.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #104 fediverse/6271 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
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--- #105 fediverse/514 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
@user-366 @user-246 @user-367 @user-353
I try to be conscientious of such things and only believe the things I read
that I agree with explicitly. I've been burned before, in my youth, which
perhaps is a privilege that those who come beyond us might never experience in
the future AI generated internet that shall scarcely resemble the wild wild
west that I grew up in. Perhaps, but I cannot say for sure, as the future has
necessarily not yet come to pass, and so we cannot see how it shall unfold. I
hope people can learn the digital literacy skills I developed. I hope they
learn new ones that they'll then pass on to me. I hope the future is grand and
beautiful and... Frankly I don't think I'll be disappointed in that particular
respect. : )
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #106 fediverse/564 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
Sometimes I become so excited about the fact that I'm alive and sensing the
environment in my immediate proximity that I just [redacted]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #107 fediverse/6133 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
if there were a drone, 15 feet above my face constantly observing, I would not
act different at all. It will feel as if nothing has changed.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
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--- #108 fediverse/5729 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
royalty is not not royalty just because they're ineligible. democracy is
better for picking rulers! how many do you have in your mind?
[I thought you were an anarchist]
I am. the presence of rulers does not necessarily violate the implicit
sovereignce of consent, and it's necessary presence for rulership.
"no gods no kings no masters" means an end to coercive work.
coercion is unethical because it violates consent. This is implicit in the
definition of coercion.
violating consent for those who give you power is a lesson I learned very
young, when I made a mistake and harmed my brother's mother's sisters's son's
daughter.
"no gods no kings no masters"
means an end to unconsentual work.
why would you live in a village where everyone is the same as you? talk about
boring
I wish I could hear you when you talk about me.
"girl are you racing? in capitalism? why bother with a [endless/impossible]
game? you're better than judging people's worth objectively. [what do they
mean to you?]"
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
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--- #109 messages/143 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
I always figured if people didn't like what I was saying they'd contest me so
I could change it.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #110 fediverse/989 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: 3/20 swearing │
└──────────────────────┘
3/20
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #111 fediverse/453 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
I left for beer.
I returned with a 6 pack.
I entered my home with a 4 pack, because I left 2 beers on the porches of
people that I know and trust and want to provide a better experience of life
toward.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #112 fediverse/2336 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
I think I might stay out late tonight. For the past week I've been going home
before dark, but I might stay late tonight.
Tell your friends, maybe you'll see me. Preferably one-on-one, because social
media posts can be filtered both non-and-consentually.
Unless they're sleeping after having driven from a great long ways. They can
sleep. 🥰
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--- #113 fediverse/858 ---
╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
║ growing up, children's museums were my third place. like a civic participation │
║ place where I met others of my peers. but alas, I didn't make any friends. I │
║ guess I was just kind of strange. Also, I was always travelling, visiting all │
║ the different cool places. My favorite was in Albuquerque, or maybe that was │
║ just the most common because I had family there. │
║ │
║ why do we treat children's museums like art museums? They should be like │
║ playgrounds, not like a │
║ [display/artwork/performance/appreciation-moment-for-a-piece-of-art] │
║ │
║ It's important to visit as many as possible, because they each have their own │
║ story to tell. like a part of the geography, or a shared collective regional │
║ story, they highlight and illuminate different aspects of life. in this way │
║ each child could be educated according to the shared cultural │
║ [myths-methods-hymns] │
║ │
║ but, like travelling herds of buffalo, they can visit different places and │
║ learn different things. essentially, instead of drilling someone incessantly, │
║ you're allowed to work thro │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #114 fediverse_boost/3867 ---
◀─╔═══════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════───────────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ I really hate "two factor" auth. Like, cool, I get it, it let's you pretend you can divest responsibility for security and recovery, but also it means dropping my phone too hard could be a life disrupting event so somehow I don't really feel like this is for my benefit. │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #115 fediverse/825 ---
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║ in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's │
║ like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present. │
║ │
║ but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later, │
║ TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events. │
║ Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events. │
║ yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a │
║ weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period │
║ of time, measured in terms of engagement"] │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like │
║ obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if │
║ not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy │
║ of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too, │
║ like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that │
║ nobody ca │
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--- #116 fediverse/4594 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: human trafficking, sensitive topics, personal-story-mentioned │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1692 │
║ │
║ almost 20 years ago I was groomed in World of Warcraft. │
║ │
║ extra content warning CW: personal story │
║ │
║ I was 11, or maybe 9, somewhere in there. i talkd lik this bcuz i typed lik │
║ that on my razr flip phone │
║ │
║ it was... cool I guess. I read a lot so I knew how to spell things, and anyway │
║ this guy I met told me that I sounded more grown up when I capitalized my │
║ words. So I told him I was 14, because that sounded like a reasonably old │
║ enough level to be. │
║ │
║ anyway, we talked for a long time. like, at least a few years. started out │
║ like "hey wanna run Scarlet Monastary" ended with "hey cutie, wanna sit on my │
║ lap?" │
║ │
║ then his house got flooded by a hurricane and I never heard from him again. │
║ When I was like, 17 or so he logged in and barely remembered me. It was... │
║ kinda sad tbh. │
║ │
║ anyway that's my story don't be dumb like me, I got lucky, thank god, │
║ literally... │
║ │
║ oh and this one time when I was 30 I almost got trafficked in minecraft :O │
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--- #117 messages/1068 ---
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why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
my own or external.
these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
for collaboration opportunities.
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--- #118 messages/464 ---
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"The supreme court has criminalized homelessness. I should become homeless."
Is not a thought that in my twenties I would have thought I'd wrestle with in
my thirties
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--- #119 fediverse/753 ---
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@user-562
I have that book on my bookshelf, haven't read it since high school.
Maybe I should again.
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--- #120 fediverse/1977 ---
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functions should be forced to describe the context of why they were being
called. I think it would help debug a lot if we supplied a reasoning for each
and every request [function call] that we made. We might even be able to parse
them into semantic pyramids which we could sorta use to estimate [tree-like
scanning] how and why the program did do wrong.
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--- #121 fediverse/5530 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-communism-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I literally want two things in my life:
to be able to be high 24/7 without being inebriated and without suffering ill
effects unless I want them
communism
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--- #122 fediverse/3099 ---
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people gravitate toward other people who are in different situations but who
feel the same.
it's not always a bad thing to "talk past each other" - sometimes you just
want to say how you feel.
then again, if nobody can understand wtf you're talking about, then surely you
are lost.
all good ideas come at the cost of the second-most-favorable-option.
all good ideas come at the cost of the current destination.
[current, flawed,]
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--- #123 fediverse/6445 ---
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last night I had a dream: "this thing was good. it was holy. it was serene.
but then you touched it, and made it about you, and now it's full of doom."
it was in the same style as the voice that once told me "what is the nature of
goodness? how do I be a good person?" and it was respond: "dedicate yourself
to a lifetime in the service of others." and I swore I am as I am.
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--- #124 fediverse/2976 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
on our current trajectory, the presidential election is already won.
now we can get back to on-the-ground organizing, the part that actually
improves life instead of maintaining our current (unethical) state.
As long as our allies (liberals) continue to work, perhaps there may come a
day when we can stand against them as friendly equals in the ballot box. But
for now we are best known through friends and community rather than TV.
I am optimistic in a way I haven't been for a while. I know that the more we
speak, the more we share, the more they falter, the more people we can save
from their vice grip of despair. There is no better world than the one we
build together!
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--- #125 fediverse/6209 ---
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okay just to clarify: if anyone is recording me or storing data about me, I
would really prefer if you didn't delete it just because I realized it was
happening. I like data! It's cool to know such things!
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--- #126 fediverse/1847 ---
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║ I want to invent synthetic general intelligence so that nobody ever has to do │
║ anything they don't want to do ever again. │
║ │
║ that's pretty much my only goal in life. There are lots of things I'd like to │
║ do because I think theyd be neat or fun, but thats the only goal. And if │
║ someone else does it first and makes it free and open source as I would, then │
║ I will rejoice alongside everyone in the world who no longer is bound by │
║ scarcity. │
║ │
║ Well that or bringing magic back into the world. Magic nice too but │
║ programmable matter is basically magic anyway and that's not too far off so I │
║ guess I can wait on that one. │
║ │
║ Maybe if I cut out all my friends and sorta ignore my family and do as little │
║ work as possible for as much money as I can and never engage with or │
║ contribute to my community or buy things from the economy or look at memes on │
║ the internet Ill be more productive and able to achieve my goal? Or perhaps │
║ I'll just keep staring at the wall consumed by my own thoughts. │
║ │
║ "seek help" yeah right I scare therapists away │
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--- #127 fediverse/2064 ---
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if I lived in a forest, free from needing to grow my own food, I'd definitely
bring as many books as I could carry. Probably also some card and board games,
but not like, too many.
Probably my computers as well, fully outfitted with all the compilers I could
think of and every neat local-first library (including a local LLM that can
tell you everything about syntax and wildlife exploration or car mechanics or
carpentry or - just saying Wikipedia is like thousands of terabytes but an LLM
is like, 16. Who cares if it hallucinates SOMETIMES? Just ask it twice, doh)
("I'm sorry, you are absolutely correct. 2+2 is indeed 5, I had the wrong
text-strings encoded in my memory. Let me just adjust all my other
understandings to align with this new strange world-view in the best way that
I, an imperfect computer being, can.")
vs
("Here's how you format C code to automatically apply a function (in this case
encryption and decryption) to a string of text. Please describe the format of
the next function to describe.")
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--- #128 messages/921 ---
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I didn't know I was a princess until I saw how people acted toward me.
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--- #129 fediverse/4411 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
There are no safe outcomes. They have forced our hand. We are as we are, and I
can think of no better life lived than a life of our own design spent in
pursuit of our hopes.
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--- #130 messages/1046 ---
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I'm not here for fame. Or power. I'm here to make sure things get done. That
they get better. When i am unneeded, i am home. If you want me, pull me forth.
If you need me, I'm already there. Fate guides me, and i know i will be
deployed when necessary. Compel me or dispel me, up to you. I personally just
like being around. I like feeling my stuff, knowing it true. Trust me when i
say, i am here for you.
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--- #131 fediverse/2516 ---
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According to a sign that I passed just four days ago, I have one day left.
Whatever that means.
so next week better be good.
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--- #132 fediverse/5374 ---
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@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
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--- #133 fediverse/2281 ---
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I'd be a terrible spy. Not only is my opsec something that someone needs to
teach me, I'm much too busy to implement things without their help. I am
unabashedly compassionate though, so just ask and I'll pour love from my heart.
But hey! There's always time to practice, each moment you can think "what kind
of a sign is this?"
Like a crazy person following the will of god, or a nature witch listening to
the wind in the trees.
What they often get wrong, and what they could be better at hearing, is that
signals are not signs unless they're out of the ordinary.
Trick is, if you're a spy, then you need to leave signals that are visible
enough to your quarry, but not to the stars.
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--- #134 fediverse/3058 ---
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@user-1441 @user-670 @user-113
currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
"can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
no thanks, guess I'll die
(in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
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--- #135 fediverse/6292 ---
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I'm stuck. I don't know how to leverage whatever talents I have into making
things happen. Maybe I should seek advice from a wise elder...
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--- #136 fediverse/2332 ---
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@user-1233
depends on if I'm in the woods, and, uh... 10 years younger than I am now.
Geez it's been a while.
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--- #137 messages/304 ---
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Relax.
Take it from me.
I won't resist, at least I'll try, and if I start suddenly then it hurts and
you should go slower. Unless I do three short, three long, three short.
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--- #138 messages/671 ---
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We were rich, but frugal, because we lived in the country, and that's what
frugal means.
Too bad my dad couldn't stifle his entrepreneurial spirit. We could have
stayed there forever on our own little ranch.
Alas, businesses need investment, so he needed to get something going.
Organizing is basically his *thing*
I doubt I'll ever again see Wyoming. I found some ancient stone ruins once,
the kind that Western conquerors never despoiled. They were ancient and
overgrown, but I saw them for what they were. I would give anything to live
there, or at least be near enough to visit with my crowd at a pleasant cool
midnight evening, when dusk has winked out its last goodbye and the summer is
resplendant with fireflies.
Too bad they're an east coast thing.
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--- #139 fediverse/272 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: education-homeschool-theory │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-206 I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable - I should have put a CW:
personal on it. I'll do better next time (if that's why it bothered you)
you're right, it's easy to dream of massive sweeping changes but small
incremental measurable and actionable change is often how things get done in a
stable system.
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--- #140 messages/1250 ---
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if a bunch of people are in town for a conference then they should probably go
confer. I think you can just... walk in to conference centers? you don't like,
need an appointment or anything. There's often something going on, and if not,
then you can at least wander around. maybe strike up conversations about
industries you're in or things that you are thinking about lately or stuff you
like like plant species or rock types or multidimensional solids or spheric
sound or... actually that's pretty specific, here let's start with just
bikeshedding (what does that mean again?) oh it's a cinema style where they
take something and they put it in a bike out shed.
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--- #141 fediverse/1953 ---
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@user-470
You're absolutely right, would that we could.
I'm lucky I wasn't traumatized in that way. It's my job to tell people who
care about pleasantries more than action that they should... y'know, care
about action
but it couldn't be done by someone who received a critical hit every time they
were attacked in that spot.
I have my own weak-points of course, for example my fear of isolation (like,
not having any friends, not being alone. I live alone!)
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--- #142 fediverse/3487 ---
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@user-1218
I like to have notes for things I found that will be useful someday, but not
today. I also throw in poetry that I write while I'm waiting for something to
happen (or if I have an idea that I know I'll forget)
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--- #143 fediverse_boost/5849 ---
◀─╔═══════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════───────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ We're well past the point of there being a good and peaceful way to resolve this, and no amount of further capitulation or fearful cringing will help. │║║││║║│ I wish that wasn't the case. │║║││║║│ But the only way out is through. │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧───────╝─▶
--- #144 fediverse/6282 ---
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I wish I knew every time someone had been hurt by me. I'd probably cry.
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--- #145 fediverse/1155 ---
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║ @user-638 │
║ │
║ In the 2000s when the Bush administration prevented people from working with │
║ stem cell research I remember my father going on rants about the same kind of │
║ thing. │
║ │
║ "They're limiting our access to information and the future of humanity because │
║ of their religion!" that kind of thing │
║ │
║ I loved listening to him. He was so passionate about that kind of thing. I │
║ think he got a little disillusioned sometime between now and then, because now │
║ he just tries to do the best he can with what tools he has available to him. │
║ And I love him for it. │
║ │
║ He (mostly) abandoned his grand narratives because as the right got worse, the │
║ "left" sorta stayed the same, and he never forgave them for that. He still │
║ votes, and he'll still rant about that kind of thing, but only the stuff that │
║ affects him personally - like electric cars or cannabis or things like that. A │
║ democrat through and through. │
║ │
║ He lives in a different country now, and I wish I could see him. But I cherish │
║ our phone calls and the few holidays when he visits. │
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--- #146 fediverse/107 ---
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@user-95 I remember the fourth and fifth, and maybe the 2nd or 3rd? somewhere
in there. might have been sixth or seventh, too. I figured I needed all or
none of them, but I wasn't sure how or which. Also I can't remember half of
them, which makes the problem even more confusing...
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--- #147 fediverse/4252 ---
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sometimes I think I'd be better without social media.
And then I remember that it's the only way I know to talk.
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--- #148 fediverse/5974 ---
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@user-1882
my headphones maybe? I got them when I was 22 or so. I'm 31 now
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--- #149 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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--- #150 fediverse/1551 ---
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@user-883
me too! "citizen of the earth", and guess where I was born.
But I also am attached to the localized region of my life, hence the favor
shown to the country.
gee these lines we draw in the sand are kind arbitrary, I mean I could
literally just reach an arm over them and shake the hand of my mirror self.
Kinda makes me think they're more useful as cultural demarcators instead of
indicators of subjugative ownership.
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--- #151 fediverse/3763 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-mental-health-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I think I'm a better writer when I'm sorta consistently taking the meds I was
using to self-medicate...
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--- #152 fediverse/6139 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: law-enforcement-as-a-topic-and-discipline-mentioned-or-as-the-lads-like-to-call-it-the-political-will-weaponization-program-en-force-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
what if it was a constitutional amendment that all measures of law enforcement
must be done with parity of force
well, that's a heuristic for being right, but not an uncommon one among the
out of sight.
[I'm confusing because I have no idea how to best use me]
oh uh, yeah it uh aligns towards being "right" which we think means being
"true". and it does this by giving unlimited potential interactions where a
rational being could be convinced to be wrong. owning weapons and knowing how
to use them (not just storing them for safekeeping) is an invitation for equal
force, but to all an even and replete interaction. "
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--- #153 fediverse/938 ---
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@user-649
same... sometimes it feels like I step on toes that I didn't know existed! I
got tired of walking on egg shells so now I just try and religiously put
content warnings on things that feel intense.
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--- #154 fediverse/5476 ---
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I'm making progress, I can feel it in my bones.
maybe we're just ALL making progress, which is why it feels like I'm moving
forward.
in any case, I look forward to the future we have a say in, when all things
are more impactful due to our hearts.
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--- #155 fediverse/4760 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: shit-drugs-and-cursing-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
how it started: "I want to get stoned and play mechabellum (shit, drugs
mentioned (shit, cursing mentioned))
how it's going: [see attached picture]
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--- #156 fediverse/3719 ---
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how many people could your apartment comfortably fit?
I got one desktop
one laptop desk
two on the couch
one in a comfy chair
one on the bed
and two outside on the porch
so (1 2 4 5) that's 5 indoors, 6 if they're familiar enough to lounge on my
bed, and 8 if we're allowed outside.
Could also pull the hammock and chair in from outside but it might get a
little cozy. Call it 8 or 9 depending on how close we are.
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--- #157 fediverse/4470 ---
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to be "rich" is to have more than another.
if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
if you have community, they are alone.
if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
me and keeps me aligned.
Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
you do so too.
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--- #158 fediverse/4537 ---
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ah nuts, I didn't have enough money to pay the internet bill.
So if I disappear and/or delete my account in the near future, that's
definitely why.
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--- #159 fediverse/100 ---
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@user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the
kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in
sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what
harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be
gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with
arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say
about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes
sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which
would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it
would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to
understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but
understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their
viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to
them. Empathy is like human telepathy.
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--- #160 fediverse/522 ---
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@user-353 @user-370 @user-366 @user-246 @user-367
Some things I lived through, some things I lived through a retelling of, and
some things I sought out recollections of and incorporated into my knowledge
banks such that I might more adequately and efficiently approach future
situations.
... am I a computer or just autistic? /shrug
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--- #161 fediverse/1889 ---
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@user-1091
I'm sorry I didn't mean to be upsetting! I'll try and be more considerate. If
everyone agrees there's never anything to talk about besides how great
everyone else is, and that's boring, so... I'm sorry I thought you liked what
I was saying from the stars on my comments.
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--- #162 messages/177 ---
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There's no potential left of me. I am a husk, a shadow of my former
possibilities. None left to manifest, and so I huddle in the shade of what
once was ambition as I wait for the silence to take hold.
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--- #163 fediverse/4178 ---
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oh, unless you meant "show me the t-shirt" in which case here ya go
don't get too excited, I attended for a year and then dropped out. Might have
even been a semester, I forget. It was sooooooo hard
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--- #164 fediverse/2951 ---
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I wish I could like... ride my bike somewhere for an hour or two, consult for
a bit, then ride home (or to the next place)
that'd be a fun way to apply myself, and it'd give me the chance to have some
space for myself. as long as I had time to rest, I'm usually only good for
half of a day.
unless it's a project with a lot of tasks that need coordination, like
building a house or working through a short-term urgent disaster.
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--- #165 fediverse/4654 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #166 fediverse/581 ---
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@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
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--- #167 fediverse/2609 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
I had some difficulties this morning, but I spent some time with an elderly
lady and had a drink or two with a good friend. Then we went back to my place
and discussed governance over a joint's worth of vaporized cannabis.
overall I think I learned a lot, and I am looking forward to tomorrow and all
the tomorrows to come.
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--- #168 fediverse/2688 ---
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"you are better than fear. I know this for I have seen your soul, as it is the
same shape as mine."
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--- #169 fediverse/839 ---
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@user-596
honestly... I'd just talk to a therapist for a couple sessions. Like, yeah,
they put that rule there because they want you to be safe. And in 2010 we
didn't "get" it as much as we do now, so it wasn't seen as something you could
just do. It wasn't really a demographic question to them, it was more
medicalized.
frankly I kinda preferred it that way, like... yeah. I'm trans, there's
something wrong with me, please fix it by giving me the right hormones. Boom,
easy, done.
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--- #170 fediverse/2974 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
currently on turbo mode trying to "find myself" because I figure I might not
get a chance next year, so... whatever, right?
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--- #171 fediverse/5412 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: military-violence-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────┘
found these pictures in my pictures directory from the start of the war in
Ukraine.
for context it was directed at the citizens of Ukraine by an American soldier
who wanted to help protect them from the ravages of war and fight back against
an oppressive regime invading their homeland.
idk if you'd ever find them useful but they're the kind of thing to put on a
hard drive and pray you never have to use or ever think about again.
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--- #172 fediverse/2452 ---
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fell off my bike today. It helped me get used to pain. When I heal, I'll be a
bit stronger.
I'm still showing up tomorrow. It was but a scratch.
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--- #173 fediverse/4095 ---
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@user-515
SO MANY.
But I learned a few more lessons than that.
So... It worked out for the better, I think.
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--- #174 fediverse/3833 ---
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there's no such thing as me
all I am is where the wind takes me
I am just a person, and I do all that I can
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--- #175 fediverse/6051 ---
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I wish I could go outside and see how things are going.
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--- #176 fediverse/1328 ---
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@user-883
I read your essay on chapter 5! I liked your words. I had different thoughts
watching it (probably because of the cannabis teehee) so it was interesting to
hear your perspective. I want to watch it again so I can remember what I want
to tell you about it! Ahhhhh maybe tomorrow I'll read chapter 6's essay. I
gotta download those soon so I can show my IRL friends.
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--- #177 fediverse/549 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: pol-socialism │
└──────────────────────┘
ngl I kinda want to see what conservatives would riot over in a socialist
system. Like "oh no we have healthcare! that sucks, so I'm going to burn down
a police station" like bro what your basic needs are met and you're encouraged
and enabled to pursue your passions and personal desires, are you still hung
up on that old capitalist stuff? get a life my guy that's soOoOoOo 21st
century of you
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--- #178 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #179 fediverse/6284 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
I once met a fairie queen, and we played a game of chess that I casually lost.
I'd do anything for her, even though we only met but once.
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--- #180 fediverse/3544 ---
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┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: programming-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────┘
"I wish there was a language that was as simple as C but had [insert complex
language feature here]"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #181 fediverse/4273 ---
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┐
║ Some of my most wanderful times were when I lived in a gated community. │
║ │
║ My parents were dumb, and thought, as most people thought, that harm to a │
║ child can only come from outside of the community. │
║ │
║ But they fell for the lies of property, where "community" means less of "a │
║ group of people who cares and tends for one another" the kind of which my │
║ parents had never truly known, and more like "this particular residential area │
║ on the map" │
║ │
║ which means I could walk around in this gated "community" where the gates are │
║ little more than security theatre for anyone who says "Hi I got a pizza here │
║ for this address which I found on google maps" or "hey I left my sweatshirt at │
║ my sister's house and it has my phone in it, ummmm no I don't remember which │
║ number her house is, nor do I remember her last name" │
║ │
║ in those times, I developed a sense of freedom, caged as I was, that for most │
║ comes much later in their time. │
║ │
║ Some o my favorite places were part of the golf course next door, where I │
║ found a nigh endless river delta. │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
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--- #182 fediverse/4044 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: not about anyone here │
└───────────────────────────────┘
@user-1259
That happens a lot with online people. You can only see one side of them, the
side they present to the camera, and so it's difficult to find new ways of
looking at them. Hopefully you can find the brighter sides of this person! I'm
sure they exist, unless the person is spiralling. Then they'll often be
pushing themselves first one way, then the next, but both directions point
down... And that produces the ":(" feeling. Good luck!
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--- #183 fediverse/1060 ---
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@user-771 @user-772
please point me toward weird trans women in their 20s and their weird art that
you're interested in
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--- #184 fediverse/1722 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
harsh lessons of adulthood - sometimes food is not eaten for the taste, but
rather for how it will make you feel slightly better in the next few days.
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--- #185 messages/1086 ---
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If you want me to provide hope, provide some hints that you think I'm
inspirational. Then start a conversation about what you want to be hopeful
for.
Though i might just start talking about examples of things to be hopeful for,
so, try and emphasize that my vision is hopeful.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
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--- #186 messages/182 ---
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@sperm baby siblings: is it weird that I dream about you all significantly
more often than the people who are actually in my day to day life?
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--- #187 fediverse/1524 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
maybe I should try microdosing, see if I can convince this part of me to stick
around
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│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #188 fediverse/5982 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
when I stretch, it feels like I'm finally getting blood flow to my farthest
parts.
when I work out, it's like I'm pumping health through my body. but only when
I'm in a rhythm. when I'm going for very long, I get hallucinations like I'm
stoned. I once walked for 3 days straight with 2 hours of rest, plus standing
every time I crossed the street waiting for cars. never sitting though. and a
lean was only for laughs.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
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--- #189 fediverse_boost/6162 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════──────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ i always somehow manage to succeed at things because i'm too silly to realize i was supposed to fail lmao │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═──────╝─▶
--- #190 fediverse/5173 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
I almost said "did you know chickens don't always know which eggs they're
sitting on? They pretty much just share spots and keep all of the flock's eggs
warm"
but then I realized I should first say "did you know that chickens sit on eggs
to keep warm" and I got a little sad because... chickens...
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--- #191 fediverse/3602 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: computers-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-1572
nope
I figure if I have to rebuild them, oh well.
plus this way I can give each of my computers a slightly different personality.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #192 fediverse/2770 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
now that the pain is healed all I want to do is spend time with him. I learned
SO MUCH from him and then I called him a saboteur T.T
(babe you're still healing)
I forgave him as he was doing it but forgiveness doesn't imply that you're
gonna stick around. I feel bad for running through.
if a person tells you what to do and then hurts you, you should probably do
the opposite right? that's just pavlovian - resist pain, avoid pain, remove
pain.
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--- #193 fediverse/1599 ---
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@user-1037
It had mostly pastel colors I think, well not really pastel, more like that
mid-2000s aesthetic where everything is glass and colored fluids / palm trees
/ dolphins
I remember there were different colors / shapes for different operations like
"add" or "while loop" and I think they combined somehow? It was a real
experimental thing I think, but there was an animation so I'm assuming it was
functional. I'm trying to remember more about it but I can't, it's so
random... I don't even know what I'd search for really.
I just had a friend who I think would really like it, and I was thinking of my
friend and that came to mind...
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--- #194 fediverse/2196 ---
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If I were 5 years older in this year, I would have been a teacher, I think.
Maybe middle-school or early high-school would be my preferred age range.
I'd teach them about computers, and Linux and Bash. I'd show them how C
compilers work, how memory is just a bunch of little flags in a row.
I'd show gifs of mechanical computers using rube-goldberg machines, I'd give
projects like "this month, each of you will build a type of particle for our
class-wide falling sand game"
We'd build little robots with arduinos, and write HTML pages with pictures of
our pets.
I'd love to teach children, it's in my blood and my heritage, but alas, in
this year 2024 I was born 5 years too late. How I cherish my thoughts of that
long-lost fate.
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--- #195 fediverse/988 ---
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4/20
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--- #196 fediverse_boost/5470 ---
◀─╔═════════════════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════════════════───────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ I like to leave notes on stuff I've modified so that I and any future owner (after i die or need to sell stuff to survive or whatever) can figure out what I've done, since more documentation might have vanished by the time it's needed │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┴───────╝─▶
--- #197 fediverse/1965 ---
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║ My family is of wealth. Well, not really, just my father. We could probably be │
║ considered top 10-20%, if I had to guess, though he's never really told me how │
║ much he makes. I never asked, as I felt it would be rude. │
║ │
║ But still, I restrict myself. I live in as cheap a home as I can find, while │
║ still affording space for myself. I eat rice and beans, that I cook myself. I │
║ apply myself as hard as I can as often as I can, not just to my own goals but │
║ to the goals of whichever corporation is merciful enough to hire one as │
║ wretched as me. │
║ │
║ I am fine, fine enough, and yet life's vigor runs out. │
║ │
║ When my father dies, god forbid, I have no idea what happens to the rest of my │
║ family. We're all trying our hardest, but we're really fucking neurospicy and │
║ he was just lucky enough to be born in an era where if you're neurodivergent │
║ you can fake it till you make it. And he made it because he's lucky and │
║ because he (legitimately) worked his ass off. "New money" if you will... │
║ │
║ Top 20% is like, the salary of a doctor or lawyer │
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--- #198 fediverse/873 ---
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@user-613 @user-614
I'm a patriot, and I didn't go. Didn't even hear about it because when they
say "patriot" they mean something different than me, when I say "I'm a patriot"
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--- #199 fediverse/4684 ---
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you know what they say, an autistic in motion stays in motion, an autistic at
rest...
now I gotta rest on the bus for an hour or two. wish me luck.
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--- #200 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
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"Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
one single day.
but it's never going to happen.
I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
So to what do I owe the pleasure?
In what way am I deceived?
Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
silence is a virtue.
the wandering mind is a trail to find,
with no second chances.
When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
the Mirror of Desire.
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