=== ANCHOR POEM === ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │ └────────────────────────────────────────┘ my grandpa died. now I have none. I realized I miss old people. I miss their friendly culture. I realized I hadn't talked to him for a decade or so. He didn't know I transitioned. I wonder if he missed me. I realized he missed seeing who I became. Is it unfair of me to not give him the opportunity to know me? truly? ... I am quite different now than I was 10 years ago. He probably doesn't remember. I miss him, but I hardly knew him. I don't like that feeling. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 messages/1485 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I was such a different person a year ago. And I was twice as different two years ago. Throughout it all, I am connected by the thread of my life, and I could be those people again, if only the context would present itself. Who was I when I met you? Eh I think I'll be this way today. The clothes make the man, and I wear a hat. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #2 fediverse/3428 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │ └────────────────────────────────────────────┘ my family has always been the black sheep of our families. I've never lived in the same state as my extended family (with a few minor exceptions) I was raised to know that family is an earned status, and my mom took us on road trips every year to visit them, to give us kids the chance to earn that affection. and for them to earn it from us. I guess it wasn't enough. I wonder if they think of me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/3975 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── @user-1631 for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently. I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything. downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not ideal. ... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point you toward people who "get" you. like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's just... me, but different shades of me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/4024 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some other people who visit the house. but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/1090 --- ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐ ║ @user-800 │ ║ │ ║ I knew I was trans from a young age. I felt attracted to women's clothes │ ║ because I lived in a home with two sisters and a mother - my father was │ ║ frequently away on business. │ ║ │ ║ I guess I liked their clothes more. Or maybe I just wanted to fit in. But I │ ║ found myself stealing them and wearing them when I was alone. Then I got │ ║ older, and amongst all the other things I realized I wanted to be one of them. │ ║ │ ║ I knew what trans people were, sorta, but as soon as I moved to the city and │ ║ got access to the internet the first thing I ever googled was "I want to be a │ ║ girl" - really dating myself here I guess. │ ║ │ ║ anyway, I miss that part of the internet. Felt more simple and alive. As soon │ ║ as their fancy websites made us intolerant of ugly ones, we kinda just... │ ║ left? I mean, how much does it cost to host a text-file with all your html? │ ║ Some pictures maybe? Who cares it was whatever. │ ║ │ ║ I miss forums the most, and while I could visit them... it's not the same, │ ║ just as the next superbowl will not be the same as the last │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/3475 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── you know that feeling when you realize the person you're talking to is a demon? sometimes I think they don't even realize it. other times, they do. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/3077 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── @user-246 If I didn't stop searching for a place with people like me, I'd be searching until the day I die. And besides, I wouldn't want to be in a place like that anyway. I am defined by my contrasts. ... I'm thinking back to my memories of when I arrived here. It was a much different place, and I was... a little too loud, I think. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/3879 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── @user-1614 yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it takes. I'm used to it. Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of the moment? I feel different now. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/5934 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────── ┌────────────────────────┐ │ CW: politics-mentioned │ └────────────────────────┘ hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding citizen. I have to be, for I am loud. ... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once. also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me... She wouldn't let me take it back... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────┘ --- #10 messages/1155 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─── Oh, I guess I should clarify something I said like, a year ago - when I said I "talked to / worked with" so-and-so, I meant that I created in tandem with a friend a proposition of sorts, and we tried to psychically beam it into their minds. That's not exactly how it went down, but it gives you a good enough picture of the goals we had with our ritual. I have no idea if they heard, but I did happen to see several of them later on, which felt a little too serendipitous to just be chance. so I'm thinking they did. I hope they got the message and used it as they please, because it was mutually beneficial even if neither of us had any actual impact on it. If you didn't hear the whole story, then it's hardly a lie to possess incomplete information! So long as you don't lie about me, and what I said or did, then it'll surely be fine. There's no need to embellish when it's plainly apparent. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──┘ --- #11 messages/1480 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I need to move out. I need to find my people. I don't know where they are. Wherever I look I see strangers. Nowhere do I see people like me. It's been like this my whole life. Where do I belong? Please don't say the underworld. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #12 fediverse/1612 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── @user-1040 also, I miss most of the names and faces in this archive and I think it'd be neat to say "oh yeah I remember them because it wasn't so long ago and it's weird how they're not around these days but I forgot about them because their profile pic changed or maybe they stopped using mastodon or whatever" - idk it feels empty sometimes because your follow list is always growing, but the number of people who post seems to always go down. Or maybe I just read Mastodon at unfortunate times when there's nothing going on. Who can say ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/2104 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── @user-192 oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about myself. So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/5650 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────── I exist now at the height of my gluttony. I need more to be demanded of me. I am not afraid to ask for help. I solve other people's problems before my own. I have very little insight into my habits and patterns. My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/2332 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── @user-1233 depends on if I'm in the woods, and, uh... 10 years younger than I am now. Geez it's been a while. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/4754 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── @user-1201 once my country elected a fascist I started thinking. I realized "oh, it's always been that way, this one just doesn't hide it" and so I started thinking about the bread and circuses they so generously provided me. I miss video games. Sometimes I play for an hour or two but only when I am feeling burnt out. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/861 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────── I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a disaster, anyway how's your lunch? [that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth] reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies. I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to you... once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/169 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── @user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body language spoke for them. I'll try that next time. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #19 messages/143 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────── I always figured if people didn't like what I was saying they'd contest me so I could change it. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/4273 --- ╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┐ ║ Some of my most wanderful times were when I lived in a gated community. │ ║ │ ║ My parents were dumb, and thought, as most people thought, that harm to a │ ║ child can only come from outside of the community. │ ║ │ ║ But they fell for the lies of property, where "community" means less of "a │ ║ group of people who cares and tends for one another" the kind of which my │ ║ parents had never truly known, and more like "this particular residential area │ ║ on the map" │ ║ │ ║ which means I could walk around in this gated "community" where the gates are │ ║ little more than security theatre for anyone who says "Hi I got a pizza here │ ║ for this address which I found on google maps" or "hey I left my sweatshirt at │ ║ my sister's house and it has my phone in it, ummmm no I don't remember which │ ║ number her house is, nor do I remember her last name" │ ║ │ ║ in those times, I developed a sense of freedom, caged as I was, that for most │ ║ comes much later in their time. │ ║ │ ║ Some o my favorite places were part of the golf course next door, where I │ ║ found a nigh endless river delta. │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────┴──────────┘ |