=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 │ CW: mental-health-mentioned-in-relation-to-resisting-capitalism │
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 oh no I'm feeling, uh... "depressed" or "manic depressed" or something else,
 you pick this time, better go hide and work on organizational technology which
 utilizes Risc-V hardware, fediverse software, LLM based anonymization, and
 SoCs with multiple ethernet ports, oh nooooo how boring and depressing, if
 only someone or several people who were bored and feeling like resisting
 capitalism wanted to help out, all they'd have to do is get in touch with me
 
 anyway bye
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 messages/1336 ---
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 Somehow, it feels like nobody is all that interested in me. Like nobody wants
 me, that they want me to disappear and stay hidden.
 
 This is of course just dark whispers trying to be purified by me. Surely,
 surely that must be so.
 
 Maybe I'm depressed. This happens sometimes.
 
 Maybe I'm feeling threatened. This happens sometimes, especially when things
 are uncertain. Is this the day when my food will be poisoned? Is tomorrow when
 i get kicked out of homeschool? Maybe I forgot something important yesterday
 but I can't recall whether I'm at liberty to recall.
 
 Maybe I'm feeling lonely.
 
 I am feeling lonely.
 
 Yep that's probably it.
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--- #2 fediverse/814 ---
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 ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should         │
 probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the       │
 implementation of my impending doom.                                             │
 ... what are you even saying bro                                                 │
 ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in   │
 my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with       │
 anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical      │
 failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our     │
 conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um     │
 right what was I saying                                                          │
 oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D            │
 except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook      │
 and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down     │
 to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like   │
 that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is    │
 isolated and en                                                                  │
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--- #3 fediverse/6018 ---
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 I feel so sad, like I'm missing something precious to me... I hope someone
 knows who to take it to. Like the world is just a bit darker and more mundane.
 
 ah, well, maybe it's just perception bias. When things leave your timeline
 (temporarily or permanently) they take their inertial influence with them.
 It's okay to mourn the loss of a friend, of a relic, or an opportunity. So
 long as you continue to nurture light, life, and hope wherever you go, the
 magic will return and continue to flow. If you believe that, then you know
 what faith is. easy enough...
 
 please be worth it
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--- #4 fediverse/3859 ---
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 │ CW: mental-health    │
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 "it's weird how depressed I am"
 
 says the girl who is always depressed
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--- #5 fediverse/4995 ---
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 Went outside today for the first time in a week to take out my trash to the
 bin. Dunno why but I've been feeling a little down about my apartment, and how
 they can just take my home from me because I oh hang on I wrote a poem about
 this one sec: [boosts old poem]
I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to fucking pay me for it.  I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah, they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven. How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent life lived under this particular roof?  I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night? Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make you uncomfortable?  Have a decent life.
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--- #6 messages/312 ---
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 Okay. Consider: if I'm good, and hearing what I say makes you feel bad, then
 what does that tell you about you?
 
 Why else would you hear what I say if not to reflect upon yourself? And why
 would the good reflect away from the types of things that make you a suitable
 fit for capitalism?
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--- #7 fediverse/581 ---
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 @user-428 
 
 sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
 that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
 could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
 drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
 
 something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
 image that could be edited.
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--- #8 notes/what-are-breakups-for ---
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 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
 
 OF COURSE you'll be sad.
 
 it's okay.
 
 it's natural. it's human.
 
 don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
 
 brb getting smashed
 
 (okay but please put some clothes on)
 
 -.- fine
 
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 -
 
 I can't fucking relax
 
 the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
 
 this fucking sucks
 
 I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
 
 jeez
 
 like.... yeah I'm flawed
 
 *of course* I'm flawed
 
 I'm a human being
 
 humans are imperfect
 
 ... ugh
 
 er, sorry, "bleurg"
 
 I'm going to eat a burrito
 
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 -
 
 alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
 
 see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
 henceforth.
 
 ... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
     ideal.
 
 I swear I'll be better.
 
 there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
 
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--- #9 fediverse/795 ---
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 │ CW: re: mh-          │
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 @user-8 
 
 I get that. I don't cry anymore except in my imagination. Sometimes it helps
 to imagine myself doing it though, like some kind of mental catharsis.
 
 the body gets left out but at least the mind is soothed.
 
 I usually am most upset when I'm lonely. Maybe you could find someone to hold
 you close? I hope you feel better sooner rather than later.
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--- #10 messages/570 ---
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 There will come a day when all the things you did under capitalism feel like a
 distant dream. Like all the trials you faced were more human than not, and all
 the suffering artificially imposed and fulfillment delayed. You will think of
 the time you wasted on Reddit and TV and you will weep for your lost years, as
 they spiral out of your reach.
 
 The new days are dawning, yet all of the world is still asleep. You slept
 walked for a while, but could not get anyone to leap. Alas.
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--- #11 fediverse/3483 ---
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 sometimes I think about how it'll never be yesterday again and that makes me
 kinda sad.
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--- #12 fediverse/1303 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 normality?
 
 banality?
 
 errrrr I mean emotional disregulation and low self esteem?
 
 ... it's easier in person when you can see when everyone has the "yo what the
 fuck" look on their face and when they have the "wait what was that I was
 thinking about snails" face
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--- #13 fediverse/6271 ---
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 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
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 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much.  *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*
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--- #14 fediverse/5793 ---
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 I posted my words text file all over the c it y today. not sure why. maybe I'm
 tired of this course and I don't want to let anyone down? Maybe I don't know
 what to do yet. Maybe nobody works with me because everyone's keeping it on
 the DL or whateverr?
 
 ... anyway enough typing, I'm going to go play a video game. like god intended.
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--- #15 fediverse/1281 ---
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 @user-883 
 
 okay I'm down
 
 (a little stoned tho, was talking to my soul hehe)
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--- #16 fediverse/4189 ---
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 when people are kind to me, I start feeling sad.
 
 I don't know why.
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--- #17 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic.   
                                                                              
  I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance.   
                                                                              
  Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies.   
                                                                              
  You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world).   
                                                                              
  It's unthinkable, really.                                                   
                                                                              
  The good news is, I'm not like that.                                        
                                                                              
  Me? Mostly harmless.                                                        
  
                                                            
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--- #18 messages/483 ---
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 "hey listen! Do this thing to hurt me! Build the infrastructure to do it so
 that you can use it on people who deserve it!"
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--- #19 fediverse/612 ---
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 Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
 could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
 wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
 are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
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--- #20 messages/169 ---
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 Sorry for my behavior. I am an undiagnosed scizophrenic, so I'm wrestling with
 metaphorical demons. Sorry for attempting to interact with society, I get a
 little lonely sometimes.
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