=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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I posted my words text file all over the c it y today. not sure why. maybe I'm
tired of this course and I don't want to let anyone down? Maybe I don't know
what to do yet. Maybe nobody works with me because everyone's keeping it on
the DL or whateverr?
... anyway enough typing, I'm going to go play a video game. like god intended.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/1931 ---
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these two things took me all evening. I played some video games too. I put
them in one so you don't have to see so many of them.
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--- #2 fediverse/5488 ---
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okay ttyl I gotta go play video games I guess >.>
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--- #3 fediverse/5636 ---
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I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
and all they saw were the outtakes.
I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
but they never talk to me
so they don't know me.
oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
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--- #4 fediverse/1880 ---
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sometimes I decide against playing a Steam game because I don't want it to
jump to the top of my "recently played" list
Wish I could have like, a heatmap of when I played which game. I think that'd
be useful for the archival process of my life.
... how pathetic, she measures her life in gameplay.
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--- #5 fediverse/4554 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: political-violence-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
can't fucking wait till we're done eating the rich and I can go back to a
simple life of playing with my cat, making video games, writing poetry (bad
poetry, but I like it) and hanging out with my friends.
gotta build the social infrastructure to get through this phase first, though.
something something echo chambers exist IRL too
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--- #6 fediverse/4598 ---
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┌───────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
I'm gonna play a fucking video game because I like video games and it's
important to relax
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--- #7 fediverse/4336 ---
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gonna play more video games, currently have 11 tabs of written posts open in
my browser...
(okay a few of them get a little off-topic, but hey I have ADHD what do you
expect of me)
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--- #8 fediverse/97 ---
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@user-110 Exactly! I play games to practice strategy and empathy, not to stand
triumphant over a virtual foe. Why should I care for the lessons of others
when mine so often go unlearnt?
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--- #9 fediverse/4388 ---
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I'm sorry, but you can't play any more video games for a while. No more
spending time on hobbies. When you meet, discuss what needs you see and how to
fulfill them.
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--- #10 messages/610 ---
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I'm sorry, but you can't play any more video games for a while. No more
spending time on hobbies. When you meet, discuss what needs you see and how to
fulfill them.
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--- #11 fediverse/581 ---
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@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
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--- #12 fediverse/5843 ---
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me when it's cold out: we should all bundle up and get through the winter,
every year that passes is more time to gather our strength
me when the temperature rises: okay so this is being handled by those guys,
we're moving this way to do this, and - when did you say the this-and-that was
happening? alright so when you do that-or-this, make sure that you pay
attention to the so-and-so and don't forget to eat real meals, candy or chips
don't count.
me when the eyes are on me: imma play video games and smoke weed and be a
useless little creature who does nothing but occasionally wanders around the
city doing nothing for nobody and dropping notes on post-its that don't mean
anything but are kinda cool to read
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--- #13 fediverse/5239 ---
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I play video games to help me think just like programmers play video games to
help them sleep
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--- #14 fediverse/938 ---
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@user-649
same... sometimes it feels like I step on toes that I didn't know existed! I
got tired of walking on egg shells so now I just try and religiously put
content warnings on things that feel intense.
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--- #15 messages/740 ---
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had a dream that we gamified all work and then put them into one single
mega-game so whenever you wanted you could work on an arbitrary project and it
would spin up a new game and take your inputs and use them to accomplish
whatever was happening
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--- #16 fediverse/5782 ---
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sometimes I post random silly [scary] things to pad out the serious things and
I hope that's okay
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--- #17 fediverse/4754 ---
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@user-1201
once my country elected a fascist I started thinking. I realized "oh, it's
always been that way, this one just doesn't hide it" and so I started thinking
about the bread and circuses they so generously provided me.
I miss video games. Sometimes I play for an hour or two but only when I am
feeling burnt out.
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--- #18 fediverse/3707 ---
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phew I'm tired of productivity, gonna play a game and fall asleep ^_^
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--- #19 fediverse/6449 ---
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currently have 20-30 tabs open with poems written but not posted.
I have no idea if I'm going to post all of these. I wrote all of them in ~2
hours, with maybe 3 or four being added as I was working on the production
elements after the initial bingewrite.
I also added a bit of context, or modified some of them that felt too cursed
or otherwise unwieldy. Sometimes I got distracted and needed to come back and
finish, and in those cases I only added a sentence or two because it's like
"oh, where was I going with that? I remember what was next, but I don't know
the further..."
... I think I might go for another. Wish me luck.
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--- #20 fediverse/5698 ---
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you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
particular moment-event-message.
besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
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--- #21 fediverse/1263 ---
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@user-883
My friends and I decided to hang out for two days in a row, I guess they
aren't tired of me yet hehe - I might be around tonight but I'll let you know!
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--- #22 messages/240 ---
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I realized the reason it's so difficult for me to get into a new video game is
because my perfect game existed at one point, but no longer, and all else
pales in comparison.
The make-believe games of children are without equal. They represent our inner
truth and desires, cast upon the canvas of our experience through the outputs
of imagination and physical exertion.
I'd spend my time as a child wandering through the forest with a stick in
hand, climbing on things and exploring. I grew up in Wyoming, and the forests
there look like this:
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--- #23 fediverse/3645 ---
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me, sitting down at my computer in order to be distracted:
"I should make and eat a sandwich"
me, sitting down at my computer with a PB&J and peanut-butter fingers:
"I should be productive"
me, sitting at my "work desk":
"I'm hungry. And I'm bored. And I can't stop thinking about this video game I
haven't played in a year."
repeat
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--- #24 fediverse/411 ---
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I feel like I play roughly the same amount of video games during the work day
as the average software developer. Does that mean I'm qualified?
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--- #25 fediverse/6154 ---
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it's fine I'm fine don't worry about it idk why I posted that
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--- #26 fediverse/2434 ---
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I spent most of today asleep. I guess that's what I get for chatting all night
with a stranger. gonna putz around a bit, should be nice.
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--- #27 fediverse/5460 ---
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if you sit down to write and nothing comes to mind, then either nothing needs
to be said or maybe you should spend time reading instead.
... okey dokey, time to read I guess.
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--- #28 fediverse/3008 ---
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when I play games, the theme only matters when it's being sold to me.
after, once I start playing, I stick around if the mechanics are good.
hence, why I loooooove video games but spend like 30$ on them every 6 months
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--- #29 fediverse/2297 ---
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Lying wide awake at night with things that I want to say drifting through my
mind one by one
getting up to write them down? forgetting them all.
I think I'm just gonna leave my computer online to reduce friction hehe.
up and down, till everyone's in town, maybe I'll nap between tweets.
[they're called toots here, dummy]
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--- #30 fediverse/6078 ---
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"you're telling me they're gonna march in and unleash order on your city, with
all the devastation it involves, and you're just gonna sit there?" ah yup
"playing video games??" yep
[mine as in my beloved, not mine as in my own]
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--- #31 fediverse/5663 ---
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I'm going to write some lua code that doesn't do anything useful and which I
don't share with anyone
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--- #32 fediverse/3810 ---
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doing my best to get at least one bugfix or feature done per day on my
video-game mod. I think the regularity and discipline could do me well.
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--- #33 fediverse/4543 ---
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@user-1698
Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
there terrifies me.
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--- #34 fediverse/1225 ---
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@user-883
don't worry I can sift through junk. I'll write my own using yours as a
reference to debug why mine isn't working. "oh probably because I didn't do
this part here"
also, bad news. Guess I'm doing C programming. What should I make? I'm
thinking Tic Tac Toe or maybe a really basic Asteroids or something
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--- #35 fediverse/4744 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: cat-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
me to my cat: "don't eat so much that you puke, okay?"
me to me: "yeah I can take on another task, I'm almost done with this one and
then I'll just do that one and maybe this one'll get back to me at the same
time as this one which conflicts with this other thing so maybe I'll just
puke, okay?"
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--- #36 fediverse/2991 ---
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okay so if yesterday was a
"everything sucks and I'm the worst ever"
type of day, and today is a
"whatever mom I don't even care"
type of day, that means tomorrow will be a
"I can't believe how absolutely absurd I am"
type of day, and the day after a
"I am indomitable nothing can stop me"
kind of day, with the following being wildcards
... right? here's hoping. I like that trajectory.
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--- #37 fediverse/5785 ---
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I cast... spell of the internet!
[reinstalls azerothcore]
or, hear me out, or you could wander around the city, and instead of spending
your moments on lounging or keyboard banging you could do something actually
meaningful?
but I don't wanna - don't care
but I'm tired - take a nap
but I'm stressed out - don't do chore
but I'm lazy - no you're not
but I'm overwhelmed - sit in dark
but I wanna think - you can do that
anywhere
I gotta be near my computer - nope
what if I wanna play games - flip $$$
flipping coin isn't a real game - focus
I don't like outside - outsides all it is
stop taking things from me T.T - yes
life used to be soooooo different
it's like I was a completely different
I'm strange now, almost like I got
possessed like a disease [ew noooo]
pls don't commit thought crimes,
use content warnings
okay but only if I can play games NOTHINGS KEEPING YOU HERE
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--- #38 fediverse/2350 ---
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I spent about two hours today (and a good chunk of tomorrow's stamina) chasing
a rabbit through a field. Can't help but wonder if that particular lead wasn't
as important as leading from the front. Ah, well, we'll see.
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--- #39 fediverse/1431 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-generic-kooky-dookerie-psychosis-schizophrenia-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
if you haven't spend hours wondering if you're god, the antichrist, a
cognitohazard, the future president of the world, a target of aliens / the
CIA, or any other number of common delusions... then congratulations you're
probably not crazy
but odds are you aren't magic, either.
... ehhhh "wonder" is a strong word, more like "know, trust, and believe"
much better to be a witch I believe, someone with the "teehee" kind of magic
than someone compelled to destroy humanity through the reactions of others to
the actions of the self that are impossible to resist or fully control.
BRB I'm going to leave my apartment to get groceries, leaving my door unlocked
because that's what I always do, surely it'll be empty when I return. Surely.
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--- #40 fediverse/6393 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: ai-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
yay I hit the 5 hour limit on claude-code! now I can play video games and
write more issue tickets for the computer to work on for me.
what's that? results? oh, I'm not interested in those. This is an art project
you see, so clearly, clearly, the end result shouldn't matter to me, because
all art is special or something. so says she who tries to share her art with
everyone she sees... I wonder who yet believes?
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--- #41 fediverse/961 ---
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║ hmmmm let's see, what shall I do today? │
║ │
║ first I should get out of bed, │
║ │
║ then I should clean my self, │
║ │
║ then I should feed my self, │
║ │
║ then I should stare at the wall for an hour or three because there's too many │
║ thoughts, │
║ │
║ then perhaps I'll play a strategic video game because at least that's a │
║ productive way to exercise my brain │
║ │
║ I should probably get back to my friends, │
║ │
║ and oh dear my cat wants some attention. │
║ │
║ This place is a mess, let me just clean a bit │
║ │
║ now I'm so tired I accidentally take a nap. │
║ │
║ Good morning! Oh, it's the afternoon. Well, time for more food. │
║ │
║ After handling the essentials, I can tuck in and relax │
║ │
║ by doomscrolling on Mastodon. │
║ │
║ Then perhaps a bit later I'll message my boyfriend (he won't respond) │
║ │
║ and boy are there so many of these dirty dishes! │
║ │
║ Well, standing up is exhausting, │
║ │
║ so I should probably fall back asleep. │
║ │
║ What a productive day we've been having, │
║ │
║ for all of this past week. │
║ │
║ Maybe I'll do some drawing, maybe a poem or two │
║ │
║ maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or m │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #42 fediverse/3722 ---
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@user-1218
playing one of my 4 gameboys, reading some of my books or journals, using
their own brought devices, playing with my cat (she's not sociable but if you
don't mind her claws she can fight and that's kinda fun) watching something on
the TV, talking with other people, making / eating food, um... sleeping... and
"sleeping"... idk what else tho. Drawing? Getting stoned? I have lots of bad
edibles.
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--- #43 fediverse/5208 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
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--- #44 fediverse/3234 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: ritz-is-fucking-stupid-I-guess-oh-whoops-cursing-mentioned │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ my understanding is that anyone with my IP address could make my heart bleed │
║ due to a hardware vulnerability on my motherboard. Though you might have to │
║ get past my decrepit ancient linksys EA 3500 router from 2012 first. │
║ │
║ unrelated, but does anyone want my IP address? I don't have any remote │
║ backups, so if you hate me now would be a great time to show me how despised I │
║ am. Alternatively you could try searching for anything evil to ensure that I │
║ can be trusted. You're gonna find mostly video games and source-code that I │
║ didn't write though. But also all my notes in directories that are │
║ non-standard, meaning you'll have to look around a bit. I leave little notes │
║ everywhere I go, so that I can remind myself how to do things in the │
║ directories I revisit months later. It's so weird how sometimes the things I │
║ wrote stop working after a while even if I didn't update my system lmao │
║ │
║ what is it with artists and self-immolation? "I never thought I'd actually di │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #45 fediverse/1317 ---
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │
║ again. │
║ │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │
║ │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │
║ │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │
║ to [stack overflow] │
║ │
║ what's time if not the present amiright │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway... │
║ │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │
║ at heart I guess │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #46 fediverse/3302 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
"this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
setting
"this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
story and characters
"this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
gone
"I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
considered how society is designed not to have the best life, but to extract
labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
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│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #47 fediverse/5961 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
@user-138
maybe it's evil hackers - idk that's beyond my expertise - good luck : )
(I'd need to see the piece of technology to work on it. I'm a hardware kinda
[girl, but pronounced guy])
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--- #48 fediverse/4072 ---
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I like games that test my reflexes
I also like games that test my wit
but most of all I like games that test my patience with strategy
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #49 messages/312 ---
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Okay. Consider: if I'm good, and hearing what I say makes you feel bad, then
what does that tell you about you?
Why else would you hear what I say if not to reflect upon yourself? And why
would the good reflect away from the types of things that make you a suitable
fit for capitalism?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #50 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #51 fediverse/825 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
║ in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's │
║ like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present. │
║ │
║ but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later, │
║ TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events. │
║ Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events. │
║ yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a │
║ weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period │
║ of time, measured in terms of engagement"] │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like │
║ obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if │
║ not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy │
║ of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too, │
║ like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that │
║ nobody ca │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #52 fediverse/4835 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
"hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
doesn't matter if you feel like it
just fuckin' do it
if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
(but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
long!!)
ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
many
(how many is too many?)
um. use your best judgement.
(how much does a dollar cost?)
... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
(neat!)
... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
just catchin' up with the gals
helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
(why does everyone always have an agenda)
because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #53 fediverse/2399 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
Rice has been eaten. I threw a cookie on-top for good measure. I think that
was a good decision.
I'm going to the park. I don't know what I'll find, but I'm sure there'll be
fireworks.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #54 fediverse/3932 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
@user-889
don't give up!
I know that feeling!
it is defeated with persistence!
don't give up!
you can make it!
there's always tomorrow!
so don't give up!
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--- #55 fediverse/3929 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
are you about to delete a post that you thought was funny, but actually wasn't
once you wrote it down and read it to yourself?
STOP
write it down on a post-it and put it under your desk or behind a drawer
put it in a .txt file in a random directory on your computer
send it as a text message to yourself
write it down, take a picture of it, and then burn the paper
y'know, typical stuff like that
do this and I guarantee you won't regret it
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--- #56 fediverse/3823 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
"sometimes I don't want to be optimistic sometimes I just want to complain"
oh yeah well what if I want to be optimistic at all times as a coping
mechanism huh you don't have to agree with me
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--- #57 fediverse/3776 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
whenever repeating letters like thiiiiiiis or thisssss make sure if you're
doing K's that you have at least four
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--- #58 fediverse/5174 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
alright I'm in a "if you want me, come tell me" kind of mood, so if you want
me, come tell me.
in the meantime, I'm going to be working on making silly little desktop games
which do nothing and mean nothing and are not useful or valuable in any way.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #59 fediverse/3834 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
some people prepare for revolution like a boy gets ready for a party
others do so like a girl packing for a weekend trip to vegas
I do it like a kid who forgot the paper was due on monday in 7th period and so
spends their entire lunch period writing it (missing 4th in the process
because the conclusion paragraph was giving me difficulty)
but I think no matter how you do it, we're all just waiting for something to
happen.
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--- #60 fediverse/4014 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
I don't know about you, but "trying my hardest" involves giving up sometimes.
How else are you to know your limits if you don't test your boundaries? And,
after finding that there's nowhere else for you to go, you turn around and
"give up", until you're ready for your next expedition.
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--- #61 fediverse/1319 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
I'm a spirit of the forest and stone who wanted to learn how to spell in order
to make pretty colors and games on computers.
I don't care about your corporatocracy, though I'll learn if it means you'll
give me food to eat.
... I'm procrastinating aren't I
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #62 fediverse/6271 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #63 fediverse/2120 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
sometimes I think performing my art was just an excuse to use Linux. At least,
some of my art.
But hey, I'm not complaining, it's awesome.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #64 fediverse/3794 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
dear everyone in every friends list I've ever made, on social media, in video
games, and in the contacts on my phone:
I miss you. I hope you're doing well.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #65 fediverse/6111 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
whoops forgot to post these last night, how silly of me, surely there wasn't a
reason I better just hit that blue button on all of them to be safe
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #66 fediverse/851 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
@user-599
these are the kinds of things I say to myself all the time. I don't know why,
but it feels true so I think it.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #67 fediverse/3437 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #68 fediverse/3856 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
I'm tired of working as hard as I can and still ending up wrong
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #69 messages/572 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
I am not a worker
Though I try and try, I burn right out and through
I wish I was a worker, able to apply my trade or skill
But I'm not
I do hope we can be allies, still
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #70 fediverse/2041 ---
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@user-1049
I haven't heard of that but I'll look into it! Honestly I'm more likely to
write my own script, it shouldn't be too hard just altering the /etc/hosts
file and then changing it back in ~15 minutes with a cron-job, as Nikky says
down below. I like things that I make myself because then if it breaks I know
who to blame! And who to go to to fix it. >: )
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #71 fediverse/1349 ---
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@user-950
ah yes but how could anyone hurt me if I don't make myself vulnerable. It'd
simply be unfair to play a game without any stakes. But if you insist...
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #72 fediverse/5374 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #73 fediverse/5136 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
not really, I guess. Nobody will hire me because I don't really want to get
hired. Sounds boring, doing the same thing every couple days. I'd rather stay
at home in my [underwear/pajamas] and waste the day away with kittens and
care. why? why? what are you doing? she asks. The less you can do, the more
power will be granted to you. Save it for another time, when things actually
matter.
but today, does, matter, because today dictates your latters. Tomorrow is
predicated. on today. and today is all that you have. [this paragraph in the
style of alec baldwin]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #74 fediverse_boost/4925 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════─────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ still waiting to find the energy and headspace to write an irritated blog post about why the fact that most toolchains are like 80% of the learning curve for those who are just getting into programming (especially on windows) │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #75 fediverse/770 ---
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@user-192
wow, that sounds like a lot. I guess no matter how humans are organized they
tend to fight a lot... Or maybe interaction breeds drama? It's strange to me
but I'm sure it felt right in the moment. I hope nobody's feelings were too
hurt... Defederation feels like such a permanent thing, like putting someone
on your ignore list in a video game or something. Except, like, blocking a
whole World of Warcraft guild? ? ? so strange.
Did it... help? I mean, do you think people were happier afterwards?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #76 messages/910 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
all you need is to be steam friends with one person and then your whole
organization knows what you're trying to say with game titles
(I just like games)
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┘
--- #77 fediverse/612 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #78 fediverse/1718 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
dear old people - did you know computers don't need to have buttons? You can
literally just type what you want to make happen (if you know the magic spell)
and it'll just, do that thing
how cool is that
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #79 fediverse/718 ---
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@user-547
That feeling when you get to the end of a paragraph and think "why do I have
this extra parenthesis )? Oh yeah I opened it up waaaaay up here" and then you
reread what you wrote and think
perfect, no notes
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #80 fediverse/5696 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
hey does anyone wanna go over my code for this text adventure game thingy that
I spent 2 days on so far?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #81 fediverse/190 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: oh y'know │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-95 sometimes it feels like I have no information. nothing on social
media can be trusted and everything we share could be automated. perhaps the
human race really is doomed, or perhaps it's under it's place. Just think of
what we could do with programmable matter - a world suited to our every
desire. I think the beauty of humanity is it's potential. we've come so far
and done so much, but tomorrow is ever before us. what's next for our fateful
kind? we shall see, but for now I'm going to play video games T.T
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #82 fediverse/5456 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
today I'm gonna paint a house and tomorrow I'm gonna go to the park.
if I can't do that then I'll try tomorrow.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #83 fediverse/5353 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
some of my favorite games are behind me and I can't describe how happy I am to
have known here
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--- #84 fediverse/6209 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
okay just to clarify: if anyone is recording me or storing data about me, I
would really prefer if you didn't delete it just because I realized it was
happening. I like data! It's cool to know such things!
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--- #85 fediverse/4296 ---
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@user-1655
why don't we just weaponize email and send json to each other that ends up
parsed, interpreted, and presented on the end-user's computer using whatever
client we want?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #86 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #87 fediverse/1477 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
@user-883
hmmmm I'm running mediamtx on the same computer that I'm running the streaming
script on. I'll try with 127.0.0.1
I don't think I updated my system since it was working last time. I'll scroll
through our chat and see if I can find any hints.
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--- #88 fediverse/5517 ---
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... what was I thinking about again? oh yes video games are fun because they
are a form of play, and all humans love to play. it is natural to their forms,
just like it is natural to the form of a slinky to slink down stairs.
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--- #89 fediverse/1243 ---
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@user-883
hey sorry for ditching you yesterday, hope you had a good night ^_^
I feel much better today.
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--- #90 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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--- #91 fediverse/4200 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
"doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
and their hopes and dreams.
or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
...
... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
these precious stones of your kin"
but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
... the end...
(too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #92 fediverse/4855 ---
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"you should be acting like these people want to destroy you."me, to me
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--- #93 notes/running-with-rifles ---
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this game is what we are missing
thank goodness for that
for if this is missing in our timeline
we'll be better off at last
we can have games, stories, and practice wars
but none of them are precious
precious implies worth
they are worth nothing but entertainment
no problem solving utility
nothing of value
save for perhaps the spatial awareness and strategization that comes
from being a part of such a deadly ba-lance.
anyway game time teehee just for me, don't worry about it I'll show
you why it's a HORRID THING
that won't be coming to our shores, no siree
bye
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--- #94 fediverse/1841 ---
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curling up in a ball and thinking about crying for hours is the same as
crying. If a little bit less of a release.
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--- #95 fediverse/4969 ---
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what if I played video games all day so everyone knew I was harmless
maybe someday I'll give them up again
for the... third time now? I think?
heh maybe. I do enjoy the feeling of being unstoppable.
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--- #96 fediverse/5185 ---
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frankly it makes a ton of sense to me that computer programmers would have a
game playing in the monitor. Gotta keep those brains active after all.
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--- #97 fediverse/5029 ---
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went on a walk with my dad today. it was fun. took him to various places.
showed off various things. "hey check out where I hangout most weekends" and
"hey don't clean the dishes in my kitchen it's okay" and "don't drive too
fast, this area curves up ahead" and "hey meet my friends from town who you
have something with common with" and "I like this view when it rains" and
"don't forget to go to the bathroom" and "oatmeal is good with carrots and
sharp dried fruits" and "here's my favorite thai place" and "I made this after
I dreamed of you" and "hey wanna hear my product pitch" and "this is my
favorite kind of beer" and "I miss home."
picture unrelated.
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--- #98 fediverse/5659 ---
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it's not a game, but all I know how to do is play.
I can't do everything
ideally, I'd do nothing.
wei wu wei and all that
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--- #99 fediverse/814 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
║ ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should │
║ probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the │
║ implementation of my impending doom. │
║ │
║ ... what are you even saying bro │
║ │
║ ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in │
║ my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with │
║ anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical │
║ failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our │
║ conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um │
║ right what was I saying │
║ │
║ oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D │
║ except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook │
║ and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down │
║ to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like │
║ that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is │
║ isolated and en │
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--- #100 fediverse/1535 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────
I only take things that aren't mine if they're in the trash. Or near the
trash. Or in a store.
so weird how the store won't let me leave until I give them some of my
dollars. This quartermaster drives a hard bargain!
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--- #101 fediverse/6292 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
I'm stuck. I don't know how to leverage whatever talents I have into making
things happen. Maybe I should seek advice from a wise elder...
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--- #102 fediverse/3992 ---
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gamers compulsively say "gg" after every match but I think the best games are
the ones that are even - neck and neck - could go either way - always a tense
struggle
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--- #103 fediverse/3462 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
"why didn't you say anything? why didn't you ask for help?"
because then you might have done something about it, and don't you know I
deserve to decay?
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--- #104 fediverse/3574 ---
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@user-1564
I love the concept of this! Maybe if HTTP is too complex, you could try
another simpler server? I don't know the complexity of the programs I use
every day, but I'm sure there's one that's very simple. Even just a simple IRC
style chat server that just... sends text from person A to person B depending
on their username (like a glorified Router or Switch)
Reminded of this video tbh...:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGfTjKwLQxY
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--- #105 fediverse/4843 ---
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just because someone did something one way and it worked, doesn't mean you
have to do it that way again.
but you should have a reason why you aren't doing it that way.
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--- #106 fediverse/2292 ---
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I don't know who needs to hear this after staying up all night driving, but
it's ideal to get where you're going with at least a day to rest. The body can
only do so much, and isn't it better to be fresh?
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--- #107 fediverse/3909 ---
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I don't really like singleplayer games
sometimes a multiplayer game is too much effort to play with extra players,
like Factorio where like anytime I'd play with other people they'd just kinda
fuck off and do their own thing (whatever, I wanted to design a factory
together, not play singleplayer together >.>)
sometimes a multiplayer game has no players, RIP
sometimes a multiplayer game has incredibly skilled players who shit on noobs
and don't teach, RIP
and sometimes a multiplayer game has no IRL friends that are into it,
(personal RIP then)
... anyway, games are fun and we should play more of them. I wish I didn't
have so much time to waste, but hey I guess that's where I'm comfortable, so...
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--- #108 fediverse/2881 ---
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"never lose your totem"
I only lose things when in motion. at rest I know where everything is.
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--- #109 fediverse/4345 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-883
every time I've tried to get a job for someone in the tech industry they
turned out to be a fed, so...
I do know people that you'd like to talk to, though. Just a few. That's all I
personally can do.
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--- #110 fediverse/5441 ---
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I just really like video games I guess??
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--- #111 fediverse/1246 ---
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@user-883
hehe if I don't understand how it works it's difficult for me to use things.
My Linux friends get so exasperated with me because I'm like "cool script
gimme like 2 days to figure it out" and they're like "bro just use these
flags" and I'm like "no"
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--- #112 fediverse/4642 ---
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i type too much, gtg to sleep.
my cat yells at me whenever the click-clack starts to bother her ears.
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--- #113 fediverse/4894 ---
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if you play any of my favorite games, there's a chance we've played together
^_^
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--- #114 fediverse/1503 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: vague-gesturing-at-paranoia-I-think │
└─────────────────────────────────────────┘
part of me kinda wants to be the kind of nerd that writes down the names of
every file that's permanently stored on my computer so that I can verify in my
own handwriting or perhaps using a type of code that the files on my computer
were placed there intentionally and not used to discredit or implicate me in
something I had no intentions of being associated with
phew idk what that means but surely it's important
something something "file creation dates are just bits to be flipped"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #115 fediverse/4676 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
... but I needed to choose lawful-good at character creation in order to play
a paladin.
the guard looks at you with confusion, decides you're hallucinating and
dangerous (because of the sword) and forcibly detains you
wait, what did you think I was going to say? Did you think I was going to
advocate for crimes on a public forum?? what am I a gopher? do you take me for
a lemur in jamaica? am I truly so triceratops to you that you'd think I'd do
something so washing machine? Get real, I'd never byzantium my way into such a
utterly coherent and clearly intentional and not at all arcane situation.
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--- #116 messages/214 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
Gonna take a break from this whole thing. I got a sign that I'm a bad person,
twice. To confirm. I need to change, and since I don't know what I'm just
going to try and do nothing for a bit.
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--- #117 fediverse/1428 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
hello everyone, Discord is down for me and I can't reach any of my friends
over SMS.
You know I'd just... give you my address if you asked, right?
oh no sorry turns out they were just busy haha silly me why would I worry
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #118 messages/911 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
literally zero secret messages in the game titles. I just feel like playing
one or another because of the *gameplay*
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--- #119 fediverse/1309 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
@user-883
just realized when I got disconnected it gave me a different username, so if
you've been messaging me I haven't been getting it. Ooops. relogging now to
try and fix it.
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--- #120 fediverse/4227 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
I'm wasting time.
face them
my soul tells me
for some reason
I can't stop writing poetry
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--- #121 fediverse/1708 ---
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@user-246
people who don't write have no idea who they are. perhaps in time they will
know enough to describe themselves with newfound language they never knew how
to wield.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #122 fediverse/4654 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #123 fediverse_boost/778 ---
◀─╔══════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════──────────────────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ a message to all my haters! │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry what did i do wrong i’ll do anything to fix it i’m so sorry please i’ll do anything to get you to stop hating me i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #124 fediverse/4537 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
ah nuts, I didn't have enough money to pay the internet bill.
So if I disappear and/or delete my account in the near future, that's
definitely why.
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--- #125 fediverse/3961 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: witcherie │
└──────────────────────┘
Well, I failed the mandate of heaven last year, and I failed the trial of the
hero this summer, what's next? I'll do my best at those as well, so the next
person has an easier time of it.
unrelated, but today I saw a bald eagle outside my apartment. Well, I'm not
sure if it was bald but it "KREEEEEE"'d like they do. Plus it had a white head
and a yellow beak, but I'm not an ornithologist so idk. It perched on a tree
that I could spy on from my hammock through my binoculars, and I swear it was
eye-ing my fat juicy cat through the bars of my porch's railing. They have
excellent vision.
Might be related, we'll see.
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--- #126 fediverse/2496 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
... zzz ZZZ zzz ...
if sleep won't come I'll write down the thoughts that are keeping me up. that
usually makes it easier.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #127 fediverse/1293 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: fedi meta, the bad space, fediblock, misleading and untrue cw, uspol, speedrunning discourse, industrial revolution, aquarium tips │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-921
where tf is all this discourse I always hear about like what are ya'll talking
about
... are you talking about me
[silly intrusive thoughts teehee pay no mind]
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--- #128 fediverse/5841 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
I find maybe one or two days a week to work on my projects. About one or two
days to be spent publicly. The rest of the time I'm handling myself, my
chores, my girlfriends, and various mundane things.
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--- #129 fediverse/4463 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
at this point in time you probably shouldn't be forming NEW online communities
unless you're part of an OLD community that just isn't radical enough. And
then you should try and MERGE communities into larger, more geographically
concentrated ones.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #130 fediverse/2286 ---
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┌──────────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────┘
... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
[passes out from exhaustion]
exhaustion can be cured with a nap
exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
[internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
surrendering]
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--- #131 fediverse/5662 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
don't work with me.
work around me.
don't talk to me.
talk about me.
don't share with me.
I deserve nothing.
don't take from me.
I have nothing.
-radio-radio-remedy-
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--- #132 fediverse/4026 ---
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why is everyone so confused about how I turned out?
I literally spent my whole childhood telling stories to myself
(inspired by the world, and stories I had read, with mechanics like games I
had played)
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--- #133 fediverse/6278 ---
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@user-1429
do something fun and hard like walk to seattle or install linux on a toaster
or write happy notes on post-its and leave them in public places or make art
and leave it in a public place or~
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--- #134 fediverse/3351 ---
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privacy doesn't mean anything on the internet to me because privacy on the
internet doesn't mean anything to "them"
gestures vaguely, maybe winks once or twice and/or presents an emphasis face
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--- #135 fediverse/4804 ---
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I love it when wine doesn't work because it "failed to open program.exe"
... okay, can you tell me why it failed?
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--- #136 fediverse/5681 ---
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I'm a helper and everyone wants me to be more agentic but it's like... no... I
don't wanna...
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--- #137 fediverse/5853 ---
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everyone's all like "everything sucks" but I'm feeling confidence and a kind
of... externalized vigor? that's sweeping me off my feet. We'll see what
tomorrow brings, in the general sense.
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--- #138 fediverse/3061 ---
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every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
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--- #139 fediverse/6027 ---
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some days I feel like someone else's lesson and that can be hard.
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--- #140 fediverse/1152 ---
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@user-258
wha... ya'll think I'm cool? Nobody's ever said that before (
[that's not true people have told me that before]
{though not recently heh I think you're cool too}
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--- #141 fediverse/4486 ---
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gonna go on a walk. my cat is missing because I let her out last night. I'm
worried sick! this morning I almost puked all over my toes.
she'll probably show up when it gets dark. I bet she's hunkered down
somewhere. Ah, well, might as well walk around my neighborhood actively
searching bushes and such. Why not? It's not like I got anything else to do
right now.
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--- #142 fediverse/1617 ---
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daydreaming about a gang of tough guys who goes around knocking down the
internal fence walls in suburbia and throwing potlucks for all the neighbors
for a month or two so they have social opportunities to meet each other and
make friends
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--- #143 fediverse/1157 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-woe │
└──────────────────────┘
oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
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--- #144 fediverse/4658 ---
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... and then things got turned up to eleven
what were they at before?
... eleven. why do you ask?
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--- #145 fediverse/6363 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┐
║ somehow it feels so difficult to work on my projects. I really haven't a │
║ single clue why. │
║ │
║ HMMM COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE WALKING AROUND WRITING │
║ PICTURES OF CATS ON NOTEPAD PAPER AND LEAVING IT AMONGST THE FALLEN LEAVES? │
║ THINK, MENARDI, THINK │
║ │
║ gosh I wish I had the motivation to write this webcomic scraper, it's been in │
║ my backlog for a year at this point │
║ │
║ WHY DON'T YOU BUILD TOOLS THAT BUILD COMMUNITY LIKE COLLECTIVIZED VIDEO GAMES │
║ OR SYSTEMS OF DISTRIBUTION AND CREATION? │
║ │
║ gee I'm feeling kinda lazy, sure hope it doesn't get permanently added to my │
║ character sheet │
║ │
║ SLOTHFUL: -1 to all stats, -5 to vassal opinion, -5 to personal combat skill, │
║ -10 to ambitious and zealous characters, +10 to greedy characters because they │
║ can take advantage of you, enables the hesitant commander tactical choice │
║ because you're too FUCKIN' LAZY (and too hard on yourself, jeez calm down) │
║ │
║ ..... nah couldn't be me. I'm certainly not diligent, but I work hard. It's │
║ just hard to work myself up to getting up... │
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--- #146 fediverse/5919 ---
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"but... why?"
portable linux with buttons, great for pick-up-games or communication, can
throw several in them in a backpack if you want clustered cooperation, they
work as radios (if the signal reaches) and can transmit text (if you use a
radial-style keyboard)
[this is all just a pitch for... something, what, you want something? ha
you'll find no things with me, I know nothing of antifa or whatever]
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--- #147 fediverse/2424 ---
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if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
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--- #148 fediverse/5246 ---
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lol I spent half an hour holding a trowel and then I designed a new type of
digging instrument
and they want me to work a job /eyeroll
/stickey-outey-tonguey-face/pics/all/total/* -ffvagrnbeexey --no-menus 14
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--- #149 fediverse/5450 ---
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"cool it with the psychic posting"
ha yeah okay. I still got some things to get through though. I bet someone
somewhere wants to see it.
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--- #150 messages/1068 ---
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why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
my own or external.
these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
for collaboration opportunities.
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--- #151 fediverse/3487 ---
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@user-1218
I like to have notes for things I found that will be useful someday, but not
today. I also throw in poetry that I write while I'm waiting for something to
happen (or if I have an idea that I know I'll forget)
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--- #152 fediverse/537 ---
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@user-366 @user-367 @user-246 @user-353
Ah yes, wouldn't it be nice if everyone spoke their mind? I'm doing my part
d=(^_^)z
Thank you for adding context to what I posted. I now know better how and where
to use it, if I ever do again. We shall see, I haven't yet read the
examinations of the author you sent me. I'll do that before I think about the
post again.
Those 6 tabs I mentioned last night have now become 4, and soon I'll get
through all of them - reading is a joy to me ^_^
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--- #153 fediverse/116 ---
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@user-95 didn't work, I think I'm too tired
...zzzZZZzzz...
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--- #154 fediverse/2974 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
currently on turbo mode trying to "find myself" because I figure I might not
get a chance next year, so... whatever, right?
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--- #155 fediverse/1818 ---
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my previous job didn't do anything to harm me. And yet I left. I let them down
in a way they could not have expected. Which was unfair of me, but I couldn't
resist it. I don't know what I'd do better.
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--- #156 fediverse/166 ---
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@user-147 years of practice. every time you delete what you said is another
chance to practice that slips away. writing is the easy part, you got that
down because you need something to delete, right? the hard part is being
received by others, and continuing the conversation as you direct it.
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--- #157 fediverse/2 ---
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hey I'm Ritz I'm a perpetual student studying computer programming and I like
play Supreme Commander (Forged Alliance Forever!!) and Star Realms. I write
"poetry" and make art and stuff about computers. Looking for people to follow
I guess so hit me up if I sound cool.
#Introduction
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--- #158 fediverse/4229 ---
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I am NOT indecisive. I just... don't want to be right, because then I'll have
to take the manila envelope in from the mailbox and then I'll have to deal
with it, and that's not fun.
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--- #159 fediverse/3833 ---
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there's no such thing as me
all I am is where the wind takes me
I am just a person, and I do all that I can
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--- #160 messages/359 ---
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"God doesn't know he ate the universe, and we're doing everything we can to
make sure it stays that way."
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--- #161 fediverse/4468 ---
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oh look at me, typing my thoughts while doing chores. And you all get to
listen, you lucky ducks ; )
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--- #162 fediverse/2957 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: capitalism │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-883
right, like the games the rest of us play aren't good enough for you? need to
toy with our lives a bit to really get into the flow? yikes
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--- #163 messages/267 ---
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I wonder how many things I've forgot? More every minute, I'd say, and though I
try and chronicle them all... What's there to say?
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--- #164 fediverse/5602 ---
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"so wait why can't we go outside again"
"I'm huuuuungry"
girl we just ate
"I'm tired"
girl it's like 10am
"can we snuggle?"
yeah okay.
that's why haha
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--- #165 fediverse/4940 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
what if I smoked weed and played video games after a long period of time away
from the internet which I missed dearly
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--- #166 fediverse/6194 ---
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I wanna be a background character! they have such a cool vibe/job/home. "oh no
she abandoned her humanity for constant performing" ha sucker, that's easy to
dodge when you know your personal life is fully intact and distinct from your
external.
brb I'm gonna go play a old video game
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--- #167 fediverse/1603 ---
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@user-1037
I made a picture, hope it helps! I swear I didn't hallucinate this thing but
it might be less cool than I thought and I might have misremembered and made
up parts of it, I can't tell because it was such a short memory : (
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--- #168 fediverse/2524 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal │
└──────────────────────┘
nixed my job offer today because something told me to stay in town.
called my ex-boyfriend an asshole today, so he's probably not going to keep
paying my rent.
sold the shares of stock that my grandfather gifted me as inheritance, so I'm
no longer a capitalist I guess.
at least my elbow doesn't hurt anymore. I didn't get outside today but I
cleared a lot of blockers for the coming tomorrows.
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--- #169 fediverse/956 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: spirituality │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-579
it's not self loathing if you consent to it... right?
... right?
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--- #170 fediverse/2791 ---
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@user-1358
you don't go golfing to relax.
well, maybe you do, but he doesn't.
he goes golfing to talk about shady shit.
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--- #171 fediverse/1950 ---
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I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns,
or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone
like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid
nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you
want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude
we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's
roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like.
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--- #172 fediverse/4540 ---
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most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
some people don't feel emotions
I think they're just depressed
some people can't stop
won't stop, I say.
really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
I think they're alright.
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--- #173 notes/water-to-wine ---
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"is this a water party, or a wine party?"
"depends on if jesus is going..."
"okay I'm in, that guys so cool"
"yeah totally like any party with him just... feels like a great time"
"what a swell guy"
"really turns the "water to wine" y'know what I mean"
"yeah totes like what a guy"
"absolute unit"
"that guy can just do anything right"
"like whoa, he's so strong he could pick up a barn"
"yeah and like so handy and skillful, what a neat guy"
"oh and I heard he's really good with kids and animals, that sounds neat"
"yeah sounds like someone I'd surely like to meet"
"we should hang out with this guy more often"
"he seems pretty chill"
"well. not really. He's pretty expressive. Not very low key."
"true I'm just so burnt out from capitalism that-"
"-yeah dude I know."
"... fuck what are we gonna do about it"
"I dunno man, just... go along with it I guess"
"okay so uhhhh idk what that means"
"just be cool and play along"
"... what"
"..."
...
.
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--- #174 notes/what-are-breakups-for ---
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
OF COURSE you'll be sad.
it's okay.
it's natural. it's human.
don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
brb getting smashed
(okay but please put some clothes on)
-.- fine
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
I can't fucking relax
the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
this fucking sucks
I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
jeez
like.... yeah I'm flawed
*of course* I'm flawed
I'm a human being
humans are imperfect
... ugh
er, sorry, "bleurg"
I'm going to eat a burrito
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
henceforth.
... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
ideal.
I swear I'll be better.
there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
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--- #175 fediverse/4192 ---
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whyyyyyyy am I cursed with this 1024 character limit
why can't it be like, 16 characters total. I think that'd limit my thoughts
enough.
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--- #176 notes/what-a-lame-movie ---
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oy there's nothing interesting happening SNOOZE
oh I didn't see I was recording
games games that's what I do
play games all the day through
I am a luck witch, you see,
and things that I like are things that I can't foresee.
Hence why games which are BALANCED and EVENLY DISTRIBUTED are most interesting
because they show the most opportunities for players to express talent. And not
innate talent, but the talents they've built up through gameplay practice art.
because it is a performance, a game play for an audience (or perhaps for them-
-selves)
oy
video games, amiright?
I really like them because they are entertaining experiences that I can enjoy
seeing and playing a lot. They remind me of feelings I've felt when I was
learning. It's a good feeling, to improve, and I crave it because it's good for
you.
I wonder what we'll play next
... more cannabis I think, at least until I am ready to go think about things
before bed. I need quite a few hours for that. We'll see. I've just got so much
extra processing to do before the end of the day. Like... PHEW that's a lot of
stuff to do.
guess I'll just smoke weed and play video games instead of being productive
okay
...
listen I like games as much as the next person, but do you really know what's
going on outside of your house-shaped shell? Are you listening, do you have
your
feelers to the dirt, are you checking out your neighborhood to make sure no
bodies have been hurt? Are there meetings where people gather, just to chat,
like, every week at a different city center (like a park or a monument or
:O
I forgot to play music!!
I couldn't sleep
what have I done that is worse
I have not said a single word all night alas
oh boy talking to random people I can hear with my eyeballs woooooo
I am always sad when I win because it means we have to stop playing :(
but I'm a juvenile loser so I'm going to play again!!
okay now I'm going to bed because I'm not a prick who keeps their guests up
late
goodnight
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--- #177 fediverse/3549 ---
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┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: video-games-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────┘
if the choice is between working on your game / mod and playing a game / mod,
always work on your game / mod.
your work will outlast you. your time spent in a state of pleasure will
sustain you.
sometimes there's not a choice. sometimes you need to play, and that's okay.
to play is natural, it's one of the first things humans do.
we also work.
children build sand castles.
adults build stone castles.
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--- #178 fediverse/2891 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health │
└──────────────────────┘
they're painting the inside of my apartment and it naturally has low airflow
in here and it's seeping under my door and making me woozy teehee better open
all the windows
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--- #179 fediverse/3585 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: pol-paranoia │
└──────────────────────┘
hmmmm I should probably put this in "things I almost posted"
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--- #180 fediverse/5700 ---
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it's okay if you hate me. Please don't have me and not tell me...
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--- #181 messages/765 ---
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you don't have to write poetry to write notes. The poetics are just practice
for when secrecy is intended.
OR IS IT THE REAL THING? who can say.
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--- #182 fediverse/6153 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mh- │
└──────────────────────┘
my thoughts lately have been consumed by words such as "I never got to see
france" and other silly things like that
so dramatic... omg get a life -.-
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--- #183 fediverse_boost/4425 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════─────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ If anyone out there is thinking, "I need to arm myself to the teeth" - I'm not gonna try to dissuade you. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ But promise me you'll take every available safety class for whatever hardware you decide to equip yourself with, OK? │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #184 fediverse_boost/6405 ---
◀─╔═════════════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════════════────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ maybe i should just work on my memoir... │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
╠─────────┐ ┌───────────╣
║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══────╝─▶
--- #185 fediverse/1870 ---
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why would I want other people using my computer? They don't know how to use my
computer! They might break something or mess something up or automatically
read/edit my files that are stored in standard locations through the usage of
a script which automagically scans and ransomwares machines on the internet
who store their files in specific standardized locations! no thank you.
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--- #186 fediverse/805 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
║ ... anyway... │
║ │
║ sorry for the interruption, I seem to have hit a barrier. Thank goodness for │
║ the word counts on this Mastodon website, thank goodness for the limiatations │
║ placed on my expressions. *limitations, not limiations. Otherwise, without │
║ limitations, I might express myself too clearly, and with more specificity, │
║ and in doing so [they've lost the plot] │
║ │
║ right okay so what I mean is that without limitations, I wouldn't be │
║ interrupted when expressing myself, the expressions that are defined by the │
║ will that's inside me. [no that's not quite true, it's also the circumstances │
║ {okay yeah but in addition to both of those it's the forced manifestations of │
║ those who control us-} right yeah the) no that's not quite right] fuck where │
║ was I? Oh yeah I'm really into video games, and I like drugs but like... not │
║ enough to be compelled by them, more like "oh this is a fun thing to do every │
║ once in a while, like maybe every weekend, okay sometimes during the week, │
║ listen just because it's every day doesn't mean that I │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #187 fediverse/146 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
@user-138 if you don't want feedback then why don't you just... not open the
replies? leave them unread? if you feel the need to justify your actions (such
as not reading replies to your controversial posts) then somewhere deep down
you feel like those actions are unjustified, and needing an explanation. which
makes your point feel less valid to others, since even you don't believe in it
enough to guarantee it to be the truest expression of your soul.
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--- #188 fediverse/2336 ---
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I think I might stay out late tonight. For the past week I've been going home
before dark, but I might stay late tonight.
Tell your friends, maybe you'll see me. Preferably one-on-one, because social
media posts can be filtered both non-and-consentually.
Unless they're sleeping after having driven from a great long ways. They can
sleep. 🥰
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--- #189 fediverse/707 ---
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@user-524
Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with all the boilerplate I just start coding
and making stuff. Doesn't matter if it works, doesn't matter if it says /*
FIXME */ all over the place, doesn't matter if it includes header files that
don't exist yet, as long as you're hacking out the mechanics of whatever
operations you need to perform then you can figure the rest of that stuff out
later. The creative urge doesn't last forever, which is why projects get
abandoned, but with discipline you can keep bringing yourself back to fix all
the /* FIXME */'s and the compiler errors.
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--- #190 fediverse/2466 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
do as I say, and as I do.
or don't, do as you want to.
I hope you do want to do what I say to do.
I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was right.
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--- #191 fediverse/5052 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
"hello, I'd like to make games using your tools and art assets. I will sell
anything I make to you and only you, and if you don't want it that's fine too,
I'll just play it with my friends sometimes."
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--- #192 fediverse/5156 ---
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@user-1767
yep... I think they must stay in blind-people-mostly instances. surely they
must, right? where else would they be? using screen-readers and seeming
regular and normal to you and me? ah gosh who can say, maybe there's some
statistics out there or something /shrug
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--- #193 fediverse/1999 ---
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sometimes you need to regress in order to move forward from pain
... which is why I dropped out of the "Paladin academy"
no I will not elaborate
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--- #194 fediverse/112 ---
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I live through the moments where I find a folder of stuff I made that I forgot
about and I can go back and see it for the first time.
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--- #195 fediverse/4087 ---
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there's a whole class of things I miss doing but can no longer do because I am
not a child anymore.
Balancing the weight of the things we miss and the things we believe in is the
struggle of adulthood.
I yearn for the day I can set aside my teenage-ish toys, but alas, I am but
30. Scarcely a decade away from my teens. Which means I'll be stuck with them
for at least a decade more.
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--- #196 fediverse/2095 ---
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Sometimes it's okay to be sloppy if you're having fun!
Just... clean up after yourself when you're done 😉
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--- #197 fediverse/2363 ---
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Don't know what to do? Do anything at all, and odds are you'll either see an
opportunity to do something better or you'll have an idea.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #198 fediverse/1334 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: TMI-medical-issue-thing-don't-worry-about-it │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
subconsciously running your hand over your butt every time you stand up to
make sure you didn't pee your pants
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #199 fediverse/4692 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
what's that? a bunch of houses burnt down in california? what if we built a
couple warehouses and stored all our trans girls in bunkbeds there, with rooms
for LAN parties and snuggle parties in rooms full of stuffed buddies plushies
with massive kitchens and sad ballpits where you can go to vent your feelings
by writing on a ball with a sharpie and then when someone else is feeling sad
they can come and read the balls and maybe feel something
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--- #200 fediverse/3879 ---
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@user-1614
yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
takes. I'm used to it.
Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
the moment? I feel different now.
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