=== ANCHOR POEM === ════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: Mh- │ └──────────────────────┘ @user-889 my boyfriend gets like, 2 social spoons to spend per day. He usually uses them on work because meetings and such. On the other hand, I'm excitable and passionate. I'm constantly driven to share things I find or think about. If you go on a walk with me without my mask I'll spend the whole time showing you pretty pieces of moss and stones. I usually message him once or twice per day. If the first one isn't responded then maybe he just wasn't interested in the thing I showed him - the second time he's probably burnt out. It fucking hurts. but I'm fine, clearly I'm fine, anyone who looks at me knows I'm fine ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/1381 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │ └────────────────────────────────────┘ I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I was a bit starved for attention. but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to give so that you don't leave me. Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/1585 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: Lonely vent about pride month │ └───────────────────────────────────────┘ @user-883 Yeah I get it. I've been applying for remote jobs and they won't fuckin' hire me. Fuckers, I'm talented and qualified, who gives a fuck about my lackluster resume? Supply and demand is fake because software developers are only offered 100k+ jobs and yet there's so many of us who are starving. What the fuck. I have a friend in Brooklyn, yet I'm on the west coast. Fucking geography amiright? I'd love to live with them and yet I can't because of something as simple as money. What's the purpose in that restriction? I'm so fucking talented, please fucking hire me. What can I do to get what I want? Ugh, modern society perplexes me. Like, yeah sure it's great that we have the internet and hospitals who can cure malaria and whatever, but why do I feel so encaged? It's so strange, and yet here I am -.- ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/4738 --- ╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┐ ║ ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: revolutionary-politics-mentioned-swearing-mentioned │ │ ║ └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ you said you wanted a revolution, and, well, I could not be more proud of you. │ ║ It's actually getting done and if I stop and think about it I'm kind of │ ║ amazed. Never thought I'd see this kind of change so quickly. │ ║ │ ║ "what change? I see nothing substantially different" │ ║ │ ║ oh yeah well do you go outside often │ ║ │ ║ do you hang out in the park │ ║ │ ║ I know it's fuckin' january and it's cold as heck (ah nuts swearing mentioned │ ║ one sec) but homeless people have to LIVE in that weather so like... wear │ ║ layers, spend time outside, detox from dopamine, write poetry and tear it out │ ║ and leave it on a park bench, be loud, claim the space, it's yours, that's │ ║ what it's there for. │ ║ │ ║ I see it in your eyes. I see it in the random notes I find on the sidewalk. │ ║ Everyone says "make friends, find community" and I say "commune with a │ ║ stranger" but I'm also a witch and that's a pretty witchy thing to do. │ ║ │ ║ ... Really fuckin' wish we still had payphones (ah nuts swearing mentioned - │ ║ oh already CWd) │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┴──────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/4088 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet because I don't have anyone else to talk to. Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between computers. ... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk back.] I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of another person's generated conversation. Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine [if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha] and that somehow feels more... freeing like a truly disconnected thought and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts. ... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit. [proceeds to never edit a single post] = so = ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they be done ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/1714 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐ ║ @user-246 │ ║ │ ║ most artists get around that by posting everything they make everywhere they │ ║ go. │ ║ │ ║ I tend to be a bit selective, because I'm different things to different │ ║ people. All things I care for and own, but designed for different context. │ ║ │ ║ for example, I rarely share what's in my journals, but that's about half of │ ║ what I've made. I show them to basically everyone I know IRL, but very few │ ║ people actually understand or are into them. When I find someone who does it │ ║ fills me with hope, that perhaps I'm not as lost as I had thought. │ ║ │ ║ perhaps it makes me less trustworthy, but I'm not used to being exposed. I │ ║ never used Twitter, I don't use Facebook (not that often) so my "self" was │ ║ something I preferred to perform as on a stage of my own design. │ ║ │ ║ Like wearing different clothes to express yourself, or performing gender in a │ ║ certain way, I am myself when I am most expressful. And I do that in different │ ║ ways in different contexts. I'd love to show more, because I'm a performer at │ ║ heart, and a performer of the heart. │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #6 messages/108 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────── I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic (because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me argumentatively are improving me. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/4098 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: politics-mentioned-ableism │ └────────────────────────────────┘ ngl I kinda hate it when people meme about donald trump being incontinent like, yeah, he pees his pants, so what? I DO TOO. Fucking sucks. Every time I read people saying nasty things about it I can't help but read them in my own voice, and that gives me plenty of ammunition to use against myself when I'm feeling down. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/169 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── @user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body language spoke for them. I'll try that next time. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/4544 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursing-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ I can't cancel my internet because I use it to work, which almost pays enough to cover rent, and nothing else. It's hard to avoid spiraling when you run out of money. Every time this happens to me I start feeling things like... am I good for society? Society doesn't want me, clearly, because I don't have any money. And currency is how you measure demand, right? It's literally a measure of value. But then I think of all the homeless and poor people and, like... I value them, so what if they don't have dollars? It's literally just paper. Or bits in a mainframe that nobody knows how to program anymore. So if they're valuable at least to me, yet me, with my 67$ in the bank and 127$ internet fee, is not valuable to me... Then what's the discrepancy? I'm not trying to be hard on myself, it's not my fault that I bleed money, but I still feel terrible. It's like a common cultural persuasion, if you run outta cash you better kill yourself fast. Fuck that. Oops cursing mentioned, one s ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/4786 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── 9 times out of 10 the answer is fuck yes, you're my friend, I support everything you're handling. Give me the word and I'll be there, ride or die, I'm here for it. something I wrote a while back: fucking boss your friends around it's as easy as saying "hey I'm gonna go do this-or-that thing, you don't seem busy can you do that-or-this thing for me? I need it done by this-and-this time - oh you're busy? yeah no worries I'll go ask someone else. oh you're busy resting? doing girl healing? hell yeah next time invite me I'm due for a "pizza and weed" night." ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/4521 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────── I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities. On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if they know me. I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it. I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody chastises the mage for skipping leg day. I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace. I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/4730 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to fucking pay me for it. I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah, they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven. How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent life lived under this particular roof? I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night? Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make you uncomfortable? Have a decent life. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/2524 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: personal │ └──────────────────────┘ nixed my job offer today because something told me to stay in town. called my ex-boyfriend an asshole today, so he's probably not going to keep paying my rent. sold the shares of stock that my grandfather gifted me as inheritance, so I'm no longer a capitalist I guess. at least my elbow doesn't hurt anymore. I didn't get outside today but I cleared a lot of blockers for the coming tomorrows. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/1280 --- ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐ ║ I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely │ ║ reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird │ ║ person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and │ ║ rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic) │ ║ │ ║ but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I │ ║ think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and │ ║ dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we │ ║ share. │ ║ │ ║ People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't │ ║ really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it │ ║ good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused? │ ║ │ ║ I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional │ ║ arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in │ ║ Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us. │ ║ │ ║ ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/459 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────── You know, you can always ask me what the fuck I'm talking about. I am more than willing to share, and I don't mind taking a moment or three to explain. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/4540 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────── most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you. everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects. some people don't feel emotions I think they're just depressed some people can't stop won't stop, I say. really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true I think they're alright. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘ --- #17 notes/water-to-wine --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────── "is this a water party, or a wine party?" "depends on if jesus is going..." "okay I'm in, that guys so cool" "yeah totally like any party with him just... feels like a great time" "what a swell guy" "really turns the "water to wine" y'know what I mean" "yeah totes like what a guy" "absolute unit" "that guy can just do anything right" "like whoa, he's so strong he could pick up a barn" "yeah and like so handy and skillful, what a neat guy" "oh and I heard he's really good with kids and animals, that sounds neat" "yeah sounds like someone I'd surely like to meet" "we should hang out with this guy more often" "he seems pretty chill" "well. not really. He's pretty expressive. Not very low key." "true I'm just so burnt out from capitalism that-" "-yeah dude I know." "... fuck what are we gonna do about it" "I dunno man, just... go along with it I guess" "okay so uhhhh idk what that means" "just be cool and play along" "... what" "..." ... . ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/1082 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │ └─────────────────────────────────────┘ damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me! Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks. Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how: "all you have are good things, nothing here is bad" ? ? ? well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person, yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ --- #19 notes/what-are-breakups-for --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry. OF COURSE you'll be sad. it's okay. it's natural. it's human. don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain. brb getting smashed (okay but please put some clothes on) -.- fine ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - I can't fucking relax the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism this fucking sucks I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years?? jeez like.... yeah I'm flawed *of course* I'm flawed I'm a human being humans are imperfect ... ugh er, sorry, "bleurg" I'm going to eat a burrito ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me. see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day henceforth. ... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not ideal. I swear I'll be better. there are no false starts, only probing strikes. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #20 notes/family --- ════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────── family is a group of people who you can always go with your first impression with. what the fuck was I saying - oh yeah - so when you are alive in the present in a singular moment, your pressence is comprised of simultaneous directives and instructions to the matter which comprises you. I'm saying you have to make decisions and react to stimuli and pursue the things you want. Basic biology really. stay on target, stayyyyy on targett - oh right so generally when you react to things you generate a list of informations gained. what does that even mean okay so here's a better way to describe it: it's like a list of informations - fuck listen i'm not trying to be rambly it just comes with the territory. okay so family is when you can react with your gut instinct - you are fully relaxed and yourself. It's where you can be trusting and unguided and simply relax and be free. it's just... like... being close with someone enough that you can be yourself around them. without any mask, without any pretense. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────┘ |