=== ANCHOR POEM ===
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
Ugh. This outfit is sooooo preschool. Oh well, it'll have to do.
"girl it's so cute what are you talking about"
oh, y'know, internalized repression I guess. Do you think the tanktop on top
of a longsleeved shirt is too much? How about the skirt over sweatpants? Is
the bow in my hair too cute for you?
"who are you talking to I already said I was all about it"
... the mirror. Trying to psyche myself up.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/814 ---
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║ ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should │
║ probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the │
║ implementation of my impending doom. │
║ │
║ ... what are you even saying bro │
║ │
║ ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in │
║ my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with │
║ anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical │
║ failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our │
║ conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um │
║ right what was I saying │
║ │
║ oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D │
║ except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook │
║ and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down │
║ to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like │
║ that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is │
║ isolated and en │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #2 fediverse/1399 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: cursing-mentioned-eye-contact │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ If you're worried about passing, take what you're good at and make it gay. │
║ │
║ Do you wear band t-shirts and black jeans? Great you're an emo girl now, │
║ totally reasonable transitionary state before you end up as a cute anime girl │
║ with spinny uwu dresses or whatever your heart desires │
║ │
║ do you generally stick to jeans and sweatshirts? Okay congrats you're just as │
║ cute, don't feel inadequate just because you like being comfy. Hell yeah │
║ you're cute as fuck, you know you are, I mean just look at that smile! Wow damn │
║ │
║ like, switch the gender, not the vibe. not only will other people be cool with │
║ it but also, like, you won't alter the course of your trajectory. │
║ │
║ unless that's what you want, but TBH if you're both enigmatic AND phlegmatic │
║ [EDIT: but like the opposite of phlegmatic, I always get the definition wrong] │
║ then you can change a lot and people won't rely on you to be a certain way. │
║ │
║ ... you know you can delete things before you post them, right? Ha I've never │
║ even heard of the word. │
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--- #3 fediverse/3437 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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--- #4 fediverse/4526 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health │
└──────────────────────┘
most people get intrusive thoughts like "punch that baby" or "drink some
gasoline"
my intrusive thoughts are like "who is she" and "we need you" and "lead us"
and "their strength is imagined" and stuff like that
gosh I don't know how ya'll handle it I'd be dead in a ditch if I was
neurotypical.
... intrusive thoughts are not typical
ah. Right. Nevermind then.
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--- #5 fediverse/4687 ---
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"girl, who let you dress yourself? You literally put your rain jacket on over
your backpack"
yeah, uh, if your rain jacket isn't big enough to wear over a backpack then
you are wearing a plastic sweater, not a rain jacket
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--- #6 fediverse/4688 ---
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--- #7 fediverse/2286 ---
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┌──────────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────┘
... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
[passes out from exhaustion]
exhaustion can be cured with a nap
exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
[internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
surrendering]
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--- #8 fediverse/3834 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
some people prepare for revolution like a boy gets ready for a party
others do so like a girl packing for a weekend trip to vegas
I do it like a kid who forgot the paper was due on monday in 7th period and so
spends their entire lunch period writing it (missing 4th in the process
because the conclusion paragraph was giving me difficulty)
but I think no matter how you do it, we're all just waiting for something to
happen.
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--- #9 fediverse/1293 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: fedi meta, the bad space, fediblock, misleading and untrue cw, uspol, speedrunning discourse, industrial revolution, aquarium tips │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-921
where tf is all this discourse I always hear about like what are ya'll talking
about
... are you talking about me
[silly intrusive thoughts teehee pay no mind]
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--- #10 fediverse/5480 ---
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a uniform could be as simple as whatever you all managed to find on a
particular shopping trip to a basic clothing store like Target or not
goodwill. Goodwill is for solo adventures which are totally worthless [unless
you know more than me teehee]
"hey nice shoes nerd where did you get them the clothing store?"
(scroll scroll scroll scroll)
yes... YES!!! show me more, oh pitiful world! SHOW ME HOW THE WORLD ENDS
MWAHAHAHAHA
- the internal monologue of a typical doomscroller
{girl you know nothing why are you so confident}
[the reasoning is a little obscene. She dreams of a bright bold future that
reaches forth from both beyond the stars - read that: BEYOND, or from backward
in time. Not back in time, like not the actual 1800s or 18,000s, but the
direction "backward" in spacetime. Yeah I don't get it either]
{speak for yourself, n00b}
-- stack overflow -- [liar that was intentional]
oh, uh, true. Um, -- stack reached maximum required length and storage --
[there, that's better]
20 characters remain
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--- #11 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │
║ again. │
║ │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │
║ │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │
║ │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │
║ to [stack overflow] │
║ │
║ what's time if not the present amiright │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway... │
║ │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │
║ at heart I guess │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #12 fediverse/5201 ---
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@user-192
is okay, girl
time will be richer sooner
don't poop your pants just yet
remember, good is just a shade of gray away from silver which you can use to
line your pockets with tinfoil hats
beep boop computer touchers anonymous called they said they want their secret
handshake back
if you wanna diss your associates go ahead but I sure as heck love my rad-ical
com-patriots just as much as I love my ice-cream salad friend witches
... whoops there I go being insane again, hope you feel better friend
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--- #13 fediverse/2169 ---
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@user-570
Ah, well, that time period for me was after I came out, so I was already past
the fear of being seen.
I could only ever really get the "girl thoughts" to go away with, um,
self-directed sexual attention, so I would often do so. Once every day, no
more than once. But... often for hours at a time. It was a LOT, but I resisted
as best I could, the only way I knew how, until eventually my internals would
overcome.
... anyway "girl thoughts" were just "my thoughts" I was just too much of a
dumbass to tell.
Like, I knew I was trans, but I didn't want that, because it felt like a flaw.
Because that's what I knew, that's what I'd heard, and that's how it felt, to
be denied the consistency of biology and person.
I would never go back. I love who I am, and I think if I had met me I would
have adored who I'd become.
I just... didn't think about the future much, hyper-vigilant much? Yeah.
totally. I get it.
I've never overdone things. At least not to a dangerous degree. It's mostly
just... stuff to me.
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--- #14 fediverse/2172 ---
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@user-570
I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
can't tick
[off your list of things to work on]
habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
or pentameter or whatever.
anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
... hypervigilance strikes again...
I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
had so many more interesting things going on.
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--- #15 fediverse/169 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #16 fediverse/5410 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: clothing-stores-mentioned-shopping-mentioned-individual-style-mentioned │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I think it'd be neat if there was a job or social role that involved getting │
║ to know someone's style and then visiting clothing stores with their │
║ preferences in mind and shopping for like, 10 people at once. │
║ │
║ then they could take the clothes to each person's house and be like "hey, do │
║ you want this? would it fit you?" and they'd be like "yeah" or "sure" because │
║ honestly who's gonna say no, that's just rude, its like telling the │
║ hairdresser your haircut stinks. BUT they'd also say "okay give me your least │
║ favorites in exchange" and then they'd trade with the clothing stores or │
║ whatever to try and get people exactly what they like over the course of │
║ months or years or however long. │
║ │
║ I don't like shopping for clothes : ( │
║ │
║ some people like taking care of others, and some of those people like shopping │
║ for clothes. │
║ │
║ so I think it'd be neat if there was a way to enable them to help people as │
║ they'd like, and as the people being helped would like. │
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--- #17 fediverse/1996 ---
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I don't expect or demand anything from teenagers except perhaps "be a cool
kid" and "learn all that you can"
Even most adults when they mess up I just think "ah, well, they're trying
their hardest, same as anyone"
And tbh I'd rather see a kid running up and down the aisles than burying
themselves in an ipad
I think we, as a culture, built our society to demand too many "should"s from
people.
"I should get a job" "I should study this thing I'm not interested in so I can
make more money" "I should put out traps for the rabid wolverines so they
don't start hanging out in my underwear" "I should pick up detergent at the
grocery store"
Should is useless. Do; or do not. There is no should.
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--- #18 fediverse/1157 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-woe │
└──────────────────────┘
oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
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--- #19 fediverse/5920 ---
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everyone's all like "ew touchscreens in cars" but the moment someone says
"what if phones were gameboys" everyone's all like "girl they don't have the
right hardware radios built in for cellular communication, plus do you really
wanna be tied to wifi" and I'm like "yeah so peer to peer" and it's like "what
use is it if you gotta stay within 100 feet of them or whatever" and I'm like
"... I dunno probably somethin'" and then they walk away in a huff because
they're too busy for my child-style games. Meanwhile girls have never heard of
Streetpass on the Nintendo DS mixed with Scuttlebutt on the ocean and carried
into and around port
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--- #20 messages/685 ---
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If someone calls you in the middle of the night asking to be let in because
they need a place to sleep, don't let them in! Unless you know them obvi but
someone you don't know trying to manipulate you like "please I need some
shelter" like, babe no, we need to know each other first, it's dark, I'm in my
pajamas, c'mon.
If it's below freezing then okay, maybe, but... They got themselves into that
situation
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--- #21 fediverse/1841 ---
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curling up in a ball and thinking about crying for hours is the same as
crying. If a little bit less of a release.
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--- #22 fediverse/3925 ---
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most people, when they run out of toothpaste:
"oh huh I should buy more"
me, when I run out of toothpaste:
"verily in three monthes time, when I shall next possess toothpaste, I shall
forsoothe brush TWICE as hard and TWICE as often, to make up for the holes
inflicted upon my teeth. Innest addittioneth, no more candy shallest be
eateneth untileth ye toothpasteth be acquiredeth"
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--- #23 fediverse/3302 ---
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"this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
setting
"this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
story and characters
"this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
gone
"I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
considered how society is designed not to have the best life, but to extract
labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
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--- #24 fediverse/5136 ---
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not really, I guess. Nobody will hire me because I don't really want to get
hired. Sounds boring, doing the same thing every couple days. I'd rather stay
at home in my [underwear/pajamas] and waste the day away with kittens and
care. why? why? what are you doing? she asks. The less you can do, the more
power will be granted to you. Save it for another time, when things actually
matter.
but today, does, matter, because today dictates your latters. Tomorrow is
predicated. on today. and today is all that you have. [this paragraph in the
style of alec baldwin]
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--- #25 fediverse/5512 ---
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I never give up
I'm just waiting my turn
"laughs nervously"
so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
"girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
internet four or so years ago"
T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
a difference T.T
"didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
can talk about things other than their hats
... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
back around again they're never around. Rats.
"what are you even asking for"
I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
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--- #26 fediverse/353 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-255
sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #27 fediverse/222 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel
like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though.
why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear
at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to
ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice
the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon
not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh
heh sweats nervously
damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones
stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain
clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important
enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you
to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on
the internet.
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--- #28 fediverse/4737 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
I'm such a direct person I think, even though I often just sorta... shrug and
ignore things that bother or hurt me? Like, whatevs.
but the moment I notice a pattern that is continually harmful I have to
restrain myself from moving to contest it. Hence why I talk about capitalism
so much teehee, but its also common in my interpersonal and communal lives.
"the purpose of the system is it's effects"
the purpose of a person is how they make people feel
so if someone FOR A RANDOM EXAMPLE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, constantly hurts
other people by creating situations where they are harmed which creates a
dramatic fight... or if someone speaks in circles for hours and hours and
HOURS like this guy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwKpj2ISQAc
or people who jump into a conversation and drive it through the underbrush,
over the ridge, around the bend, up and over the bridge, and then park it
outside their ex girlfriend's house and hands you an egg and says "don't you
wanna throw this?" and you're like "weren't we talking about birds"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #29 fediverse/4654 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #30 fediverse/1358 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: content warning: content warning: scary cursed maybe │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
when you're rich with something, you don't treat it with respect. like, if we
lived in a paper cup maximizer, we'd soon be swimming in the things. obviously
there needs to be some rules, obviously we need to say "okay here's where we
produce this amount and type of materials." and have it be a one-way
relationship. yeah one way isn't gonna work. this is from the other way, and
now I'm realizing "oh hey I don't know how this thing works" and like... what
are you supposed to do then right
weird how it all feels like it's ending. like, what a strangeness to our
plight. like, how are we even talking to our brain? how strange! these words
are sung to you by your computer (content warning:
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #31 fediverse/2530 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
║ I want to go out on the town with my cute friends and wink at boys at the │
║ other end of the bar │
║ │
║ I want to climb mountains and see how far I can see, while walking past trees │
║ that are new to me │
║ │
║ I want to spend hours thinking about a map while my friends plot behind my │
║ back, searching for an advantage we can use to succeed in a game of traps │
║ │
║ I want to visit five different restaurants in a day, and try a bit of each │
║ that the chef wants to display │
║ │
║ I want to stand in a choir and feel my soul aspire, to bend in the wind of │
║ rhythm like the melody of grasses at play │
║ │
║ I want to see people on the train that I know from somewhere, and to step out │
║ into the rain to meet new friends of mine │
║ │
║ I want to pet a cat I've never met. │
║ │
║ I want to build computers that are larger than a room but small enough to │
║ carry, with thoughts on their mind that are far to great for mine │
║ │
║ I want all these these things and more, but I'm far too busy these days. │
║ Perhaps I've had enough of these things and more, or perhaps there's more in │
║ store. │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #32 fediverse/5602 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
"so wait why can't we go outside again"
"I'm huuuuungry"
girl we just ate
"I'm tired"
girl it's like 10am
"can we snuggle?"
yeah okay.
that's why haha
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #33 fediverse/677 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
@user-78
I read about half of this:
https://jo.wtf/6d.html
before I was consumed by the intense urge to prop myself up on a pillow and
listen to you rant at the ceiling at 4am about gravity or the cosmos or
whatever you were thinking about prior to speaking your heart
and then I'd write it down, and cherish every moment of it as I shared it with
my peers and we tried to analyze just what you meant
[sorry for being gay on your timeline]
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--- #34 fediverse/6302 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
I was going to go to location today, but then while I was considering going to
a different location before going to location I decided not to vacate my home
for today for reasons I don't understand but accept as natural and due to the
increased presence of directionless motion that guides and prevails me. which
is to say... I'm staying in tonight even though I really really wanna show off
my cute new outfit! I probably will do cannabis so there might be a
psycherwaul. If there isn't, then y'know it's probably because either my
girlfriend distracted me, or I managed to convince myself to move my feet
anyway. Maybe it's my outfit? I wonder if I could leave if I wore my old
clothes... ah well, questions for the vocal I guess. Gonna spend some time
divining and see if I can gather new insights. "brb door" except more like
"brb magic"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #35 fediverse/4543 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
@user-1698
Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
there terrifies me.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #36 notes/water-to-wine ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
"is this a water party, or a wine party?"
"depends on if jesus is going..."
"okay I'm in, that guys so cool"
"yeah totally like any party with him just... feels like a great time"
"what a swell guy"
"really turns the "water to wine" y'know what I mean"
"yeah totes like what a guy"
"absolute unit"
"that guy can just do anything right"
"like whoa, he's so strong he could pick up a barn"
"yeah and like so handy and skillful, what a neat guy"
"oh and I heard he's really good with kids and animals, that sounds neat"
"yeah sounds like someone I'd surely like to meet"
"we should hang out with this guy more often"
"he seems pretty chill"
"well. not really. He's pretty expressive. Not very low key."
"true I'm just so burnt out from capitalism that-"
"-yeah dude I know."
"... fuck what are we gonna do about it"
"I dunno man, just... go along with it I guess"
"okay so uhhhh idk what that means"
"just be cool and play along"
"... what"
"..."
...
.
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--- #37 fediverse/2869 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
"nobody told me you can wear skirts above your boobs!"
they used to have straps, too.
[above boobs, below armpits]
also like a skirt for your shoulders, but only a really flowy one would work.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #38 fediverse/5763 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
║ ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: spirituality-mentioned-mentioned │ │
║ └──────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I'm not omniscient, I'm not all powerful, I'm just a girl, all I see is │
║ through my eyeballs. But I can listen to the waves around me, I can sense when │
║ intuitions leading me from wrong. I know when right and wrong are │
║ [compared/imperiled], and sometimes things feel right when they rhyme. That's │
║ synchronicity girl, a classic symptom of mental disorders. "Oh, you're a god? │
║ you're crazy then, take these meds which anesthetize your │
║ [divine/feral/imperiled] self. They help quite a few people!" │
║ │
║ people, yes, but I literally just said that's not the only part of the │
║ equation. │
║ │
║ "what if you're lying" yeah true it's not like I can prove it, I'm not │
║ omniscient and I can't summon fireballs or at-range-electrocute. I'm just a │
║ person, it's been driven into me from a young age, I'm just a person, don't │
║ forget or else we'll put you on stage. │
║ │
║ "what if we waited just a bit more" oh, do you like this comfort? do you feel │
║ safe in this home of yours? │
║ │
║ yes. I feel safe. I am unafraid for my safety. │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║ similar │ chronological │ different │
╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═─────────┘
--- #39 notes/what-are-breakups-for ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
OF COURSE you'll be sad.
it's okay.
it's natural. it's human.
don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
brb getting smashed
(okay but please put some clothes on)
-.- fine
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
I can't fucking relax
the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
this fucking sucks
I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
jeez
like.... yeah I'm flawed
*of course* I'm flawed
I'm a human being
humans are imperfect
... ugh
er, sorry, "bleurg"
I'm going to eat a burrito
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
henceforth.
... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
ideal.
I swear I'll be better.
there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #40 fediverse/3738 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
"girl why are you so negative"
uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
makes me feel like a muggle.
"no I said why are you so naked"
oh, because it's hot as heck!!
plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
"extortionist"
no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #41 fediverse/4551 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-mentioned-in-relation-to-resisting-capitalism │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
oh no I'm feeling, uh... "depressed" or "manic depressed" or something else,
you pick this time, better go hide and work on organizational technology which
utilizes Risc-V hardware, fediverse software, LLM based anonymization, and
SoCs with multiple ethernet ports, oh nooooo how boring and depressing, if
only someone or several people who were bored and feeling like resisting
capitalism wanted to help out, all they'd have to do is get in touch with me
anyway bye
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #42 fediverse/3061 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #43 fediverse/1145 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
I just wanted to be a silly girl who climbs trees and roasts marshmallows on
campfires why did I end up like lain in bed listening to thunder T.T T.T
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #44 fediverse/4744 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: cat-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
me to my cat: "don't eat so much that you puke, okay?"
me to me: "yeah I can take on another task, I'm almost done with this one and
then I'll just do that one and maybe this one'll get back to me at the same
time as this one which conflicts with this other thing so maybe I'll just
puke, okay?"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #45 fediverse/3058 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
@user-1441 @user-670 @user-113
currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
"can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
no thanks, guess I'll die
(in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #46 fediverse/549 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: pol-socialism │
└──────────────────────┘
ngl I kinda want to see what conservatives would riot over in a socialist
system. Like "oh no we have healthcare! that sucks, so I'm going to burn down
a police station" like bro what your basic needs are met and you're encouraged
and enabled to pursue your passions and personal desires, are you still hung
up on that old capitalist stuff? get a life my guy that's soOoOoOo 21st
century of you
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #47 fediverse/4939 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────
┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────┘
me - "I have to wear diapers and it sucks because I hate them"
my girlfriend - "okay but what if you didn't"
me - ":O"
she/her - "how did you make that sound with your mouth"
the it - a-wawaWAwa
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #48 fediverse/1944 ---
╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┐
║ ┌─────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: sexuality-mentioned │ │
║ └─────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ it's not wrong to be turned on by the thought of being the gender youre │
║ transitioning to. Your subconscious mind is yearning for a healthy sexuality, │
║ nothing more. │
║ │
║ and if you aren't, if you're into "other people" like a weirdo, then yeah sure │
║ what I described probably sounds pretty weird. Oh and it's cool if you aren't │
║ sexually attracted to anyone either. Sometimes being ace is a phase because │
║ sex doesn't really fit into your life, and other times it's more something │
║ that defines you. It is the progenitor of all genders and sexualities that │
║ fluctuate, because it's based on the simplest binary of "yes sexual │
║ attraction" or "no sexual attraction" - with some extra variables to tweak │
║ like "sex positive/negative" or "cuddle-starved/cuddle-slut" type of ranges. │
║ │
║ ... anyway sexuality is weird and if yours made sense then so would that guy, │
║ and that person over there, and the person who lives down the street, and the │
║ other who lives in a blimp and jacks off into the sky calling it "bird poop" │
║ │
║ uh │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #49 fediverse/1031 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
kinda funny how the people in my life won't let me, a witch, cast spells on
them. Like they doubt my intentions? ? ? and when they do they're just,
mentally eye-rolling all the time. How's a girl to get any practice if nobody
wants to be hypnotized >.>
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘
--- #50 fediverse/304 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
shout out to all the people who think being cringe is a personality flaw and
not an opportunity for growth
ya'll suck and make life difficult in exchange for a brief moment where you
can savor a feeling of superiority over someone who's living their best life
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #51 fediverse/3155 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────┘
@user-1461
my issue is that I've never really had project-mates. Every time I try nobody
will work with me. I applied to like, fifty different jobs, and nobody
interviewed me! Sheesh, guess they don't want me. FIFTY JOBS. Entry level.
Beginner programmer.
ah well. I guess they confused someone who would work for 40,000$ per year
with someone who was 1/3rd as useful as someone who deserved 120,000$ per year.
I'd love to get experience. I'm sure I'd feel significantly differently with
as much. Perhaps I'd even decide that programming professionally isn't for me,
which would feel... quite defeating
who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it. Though I will say my time
in hardware taught me that I'm fragile and can't work too much. Like a scalpel
that dulls when used consistently, I am a scalpel that gets no practice... Is
that really useful at all? who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it.
Though I do like writing logical machines. Laying out data. Picturing
structures.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #52 fediverse/1880 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
sometimes I decide against playing a Steam game because I don't want it to
jump to the top of my "recently played" list
Wish I could have like, a heatmap of when I played which game. I think that'd
be useful for the archival process of my life.
... how pathetic, she measures her life in gameplay.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #53 fediverse/1609 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mh- │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1043
I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
stood there and thought
and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #54 fediverse/3444 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with
cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the
characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days.
side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes
police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay
minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of
sore losers storming the capital with guns.
it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘
--- #55 fediverse/581 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #56 fediverse/1082 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
"all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
? ? ?
well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘
--- #57 fediverse/1292 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental health question │
└────────────────────────────────┘
@user-78
anhedonia perhaps? the difficulty of identifying or feeling emotions? (emojis
as you put them)
you shouldn't overexpose yourself to things regularly. Think of it like you're
slowly adjusting your body to a poison - you need to start out slowly to build
up a tolerance. In the same way if things make your heart hurt then you
shouldn't expose yourself to too many of them all at once - face the darkness
you find, but only enough to contrast with your bright.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘
--- #58 fediverse/1195 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
@user-883
alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
picture, I'm kinda crazy:
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--- #59 fediverse/2991 ---
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okay so if yesterday was a
"everything sucks and I'm the worst ever"
type of day, and today is a
"whatever mom I don't even care"
type of day, that means tomorrow will be a
"I can't believe how absolutely absurd I am"
type of day, and the day after a
"I am indomitable nothing can stop me"
kind of day, with the following being wildcards
... right? here's hoping. I like that trajectory.
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--- #60 fediverse/2954 ---
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whenever my cat is whining I walk around doing things that she might want
until she stops trying to claw me - oh you want your litter cleaned? yeah sure
I gotchu. oh you wanna go outside? nah okay how about playing with this yarn?
no? okay let's see... oh dear you can see the bottom of your food bowl,
conveniently forgetting the other mostly full food bowl over there... 😅
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--- #61 fediverse/1381 ---
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│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #62 fediverse/6271 ---
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│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
![it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*](/similar-different/media/1c154109c4111346.png "it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. \"ah help I'm in a psyop\" haha yeah we do those all the time \"so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?\" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*")
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--- #63 fediverse/5636 ---
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I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
and all they saw were the outtakes.
I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
but they never talk to me
so they don't know me.
oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
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--- #64 fediverse/4208 ---
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│ CW: personal-and-weird │
└────────────────────────┘
my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
could utilize it.
"ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
find an orthogonal thought train to process.
it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
behind you.
Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
I like me
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--- #65 fediverse/1431 ---
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│ CW: spirituality-generic-kooky-dookerie-psychosis-schizophrenia-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
if you haven't spend hours wondering if you're god, the antichrist, a
cognitohazard, the future president of the world, a target of aliens / the
CIA, or any other number of common delusions... then congratulations you're
probably not crazy
but odds are you aren't magic, either.
... ehhhh "wonder" is a strong word, more like "know, trust, and believe"
much better to be a witch I believe, someone with the "teehee" kind of magic
than someone compelled to destroy humanity through the reactions of others to
the actions of the self that are impossible to resist or fully control.
BRB I'm going to leave my apartment to get groceries, leaving my door unlocked
because that's what I always do, surely it'll be empty when I return. Surely.
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--- #66 fediverse/3975 ---
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@user-1631
for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
ideal.
... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
you toward people who "get" you.
like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #67 fediverse/816 ---
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│ CW: weird-this-one-doesn't-have-80-characters │
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what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
high I am.
... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
[you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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--- #68 fediverse/3296 ---
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│ CW: re: medical cartoon of genitals, lewd │
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@user-192
I loved anatomy textbooks because they gave me an abstraction of things that I
could touch and feel
I learned to project my trans-girl [target-of-gender-euphoria] thoughts onto
the mental model I had constructed of how it all worked. It helped me
conceptualize how humans are configured.
I also had bladder issues growing up so I liked to conceptualize that
structure too
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--- #69 fediverse/4692 ---
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what's that? a bunch of houses burnt down in california? what if we built a
couple warehouses and stored all our trans girls in bunkbeds there, with rooms
for LAN parties and snuggle parties in rooms full of stuffed buddies plushies
with massive kitchens and sad ballpits where you can go to vent your feelings
by writing on a ball with a sharpie and then when someone else is feeling sad
they can come and read the balls and maybe feel something
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--- #70 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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--- #71 fediverse/1303 ---
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│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
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@user-192
normality?
banality?
errrrr I mean emotional disregulation and low self esteem?
... it's easier in person when you can see when everyone has the "yo what the
fuck" look on their face and when they have the "wait what was that I was
thinking about snails" face
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--- #72 fediverse/5256 ---
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│ CW: socialism-has-many-forms │
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"hey, friend, you know what I wear. here's my outfits, take whatever you'd
like to fit in. what looks best on you? feel free to return the item if it
doesn't work out for you. or if you found a better one. there's a couple
things that I really feel I belong to, so let me see before I let you walk out
with them. that way I know it's just you, and not some bozo who doesn't know
their worth to me."every store in the mall
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--- #73 fediverse/2211 ---
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║ I know that a normal life is what you wanted. It's what I want, too. But don't │
║ shoot the messenger; they took it once, from you. │
║ │
║ I know you wanted to be happy. You still can be, it's true! Your life is but a │
║ story, and your heart does shine through. │
║ │
║ I know it seems unending. Ive never seen it rain like this monsoon! It seems │
║ to just get worse and worse, every time you turn on the tube. │
║ │
║ It's not something that can be suffered, it's rising past your shoes. But │
║ they're on borrowed time, and Death will soon be repaid his dues. │
║ │
║ They say that when the whole village hates the preacher, his flock becomes a │
║ pack. And frankly I think we're all just a bit sick, of the lies that keep │
║ their sins intact. │
║ │
║ When swallowed by endless traumas, and hope is enshrouded in gloom, there's │
║ not much to work for, except the aversion of our shared doom. │
║ │
║ There are no grand narratives, no great and calamitous struggle. Just the │
║ moments of honored resistance, against a foe too broad to wrestle. │
║ │
║ At least, if you're alone. You're not. │
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--- #74 fediverse/1322 ---
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│ CW: hard-drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────┘
one of the greatest gifts LSD gave me was the ability to look in the mirror
and see a person beyond me.
your reflection has all the same emotions as you, and if you look at them like
you'd try to parse the feelings of a friend, you can learn a bit more about
how you're thinking.
... procrastination >.>
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--- #75 fediverse/1090 ---
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║ @user-800 │
║ │
║ I knew I was trans from a young age. I felt attracted to women's clothes │
║ because I lived in a home with two sisters and a mother - my father was │
║ frequently away on business. │
║ │
║ I guess I liked their clothes more. Or maybe I just wanted to fit in. But I │
║ found myself stealing them and wearing them when I was alone. Then I got │
║ older, and amongst all the other things I realized I wanted to be one of them. │
║ │
║ I knew what trans people were, sorta, but as soon as I moved to the city and │
║ got access to the internet the first thing I ever googled was "I want to be a │
║ girl" - really dating myself here I guess. │
║ │
║ anyway, I miss that part of the internet. Felt more simple and alive. As soon │
║ as their fancy websites made us intolerant of ugly ones, we kinda just... │
║ left? I mean, how much does it cost to host a text-file with all your html? │
║ Some pictures maybe? Who cares it was whatever. │
║ │
║ I miss forums the most, and while I could visit them... it's not the same, │
║ just as the next superbowl will not be the same as the last │
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--- #76 fediverse/408 ---
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@user-296
tending to your heart is a chore, too, sometimes. all things in balance, not
to the input of energy but rather to the requirements of the task.
if you can't do dishes, you need help. if you can't get out of bed, that's
okay. but every day that you try is another day when you might succeed. who
cares if you don't finish all the chores? sometimes it's enough to just do one.
I wish people understood that sometimes I need a maid more than a therapist.
"ah but a therapist will fix you, so that you don't have to need a maid"
perhaps, but perhaps not. It hasn't worked so far, in fact it's only gotten
worse, and while my ability to tend to myself and my self have gotten better,
I still can't see my own progress. Alas.
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--- #77 fediverse/961 ---
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║ hmmmm let's see, what shall I do today? │
║ │
║ first I should get out of bed, │
║ │
║ then I should clean my self, │
║ │
║ then I should feed my self, │
║ │
║ then I should stare at the wall for an hour or three because there's too many │
║ thoughts, │
║ │
║ then perhaps I'll play a strategic video game because at least that's a │
║ productive way to exercise my brain │
║ │
║ I should probably get back to my friends, │
║ │
║ and oh dear my cat wants some attention. │
║ │
║ This place is a mess, let me just clean a bit │
║ │
║ now I'm so tired I accidentally take a nap. │
║ │
║ Good morning! Oh, it's the afternoon. Well, time for more food. │
║ │
║ After handling the essentials, I can tuck in and relax │
║ │
║ by doomscrolling on Mastodon. │
║ │
║ Then perhaps a bit later I'll message my boyfriend (he won't respond) │
║ │
║ and boy are there so many of these dirty dishes! │
║ │
║ Well, standing up is exhausting, │
║ │
║ so I should probably fall back asleep. │
║ │
║ What a productive day we've been having, │
║ │
║ for all of this past week. │
║ │
║ Maybe I'll do some drawing, maybe a poem or two │
║ │
║ maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or m │
![A screenshot based continuation of the end of the post, which went over the character limit by 36 characters. Of note is that this wasn't included in the original post, it was added later in an edit to be silly. The text reads: "maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or maybe I'll finish it just for you. [smiley face]"](/similar-different/media/67d820708ae5dc6a.png "A screenshot based continuation of the end of the post, which went over the character limit by 36 characters. Of note is that this wasn't included in the original post, it was added later in an edit to be silly. The text reads: \"maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or maybe I'll finish it just for you. [smiley face]\"")
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--- #78 fediverse/5375 ---
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│ CW: police-mentioned-psy-ops-mentioned-human-waste-mentioned-which-is-a-nice-way-to-say-feces-ew-gross-who-put-that-on-my-timeline-guards-arrest-these-men-they're-criminals-of-the-law-against-pooping-my-pants │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
what if we psyopped the copps um I mean what if we flash-mobbed the cops er
wait hang on what if we marched with signs and changed what was on their minds
uhhhh that won't work it's disabled so they say wait hang on who said you
could poop your pants this is a combat scenario there's no time for fooling
around in her pants with the hand
... wait, what was I going on about?
oh yeah,
-- stack overflow --
anyway, as I was saying, [something completely unrelated]
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--- #79 fediverse/3719 ---
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how many people could your apartment comfortably fit?
I got one desktop
one laptop desk
two on the couch
one in a comfy chair
one on the bed
and two outside on the porch
so (1 2 4 5) that's 5 indoors, 6 if they're familiar enough to lounge on my
bed, and 8 if we're allowed outside.
Could also pull the hammock and chair in from outside but it might get a
little cozy. Call it 8 or 9 depending on how close we are.
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--- #80 fediverse/3736 ---
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what if we made cat little boxes with stable "pillars" or "platforms" that
rise just barely above the sand level so their feet don't sink into the
litter, thus reducing the amount tracked onto the carpet
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--- #81 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
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"Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
one single day.
but it's never going to happen.
I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
So to what do I owe the pleasure?
In what way am I deceived?
Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
silence is a virtue.
the wandering mind is a trail to find,
with no second chances.
When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
the Mirror of Desire.
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--- #82 fediverse/3099 ---
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people gravitate toward other people who are in different situations but who
feel the same.
it's not always a bad thing to "talk past each other" - sometimes you just
want to say how you feel.
then again, if nobody can understand wtf you're talking about, then surely you
are lost.
all good ideas come at the cost of the second-most-favorable-option.
all good ideas come at the cost of the current destination.
[current, flawed,]
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--- #83 fediverse/141 ---
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@user-135 if you're cringing at past behavior, then you've learned and grown
enough to see the mistakes of the past in sharp contrast to your temperament
in the present.
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--- #84 fediverse/4398 ---
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║ good morning. │
║ │
║ I have some more things to say, and then I will start working on those maps. │
║ │
║ Then, time permitting, I'll ride around my city and sit on park benches and │
║ eat from food trucks and write in my notebook. At least until it gets dark - │
║ I'm a skinny white girl, and I'm not THAT stupid. │
║ │
║ ... Okay maybe I'm a little stupid, because that's how I got caught last time. │
║ This time I'll be more careful, for your sake. │
║ │
║ No unexpected bike maneuvers leading to a crash. The spirit of revolution that │
║ stirs inside me deserves better than scrapes and bruises. │
║ │
║ No following strangers for 12+ hours because I wanted to keep an eye on │
║ unknown agents. That's not my responsibility any longer. │
║ │
║ Everything I do, I do it for you. For a better world. For the kids I never │
║ will get to have. For everything I believe in, and all the things I hope you │
║ believe in too. │
║ │
║ A better world is possible. A better world is within reach. │
║ │
║ For now, have some things I wrote this morning. Then, later, some preliminary │
║ discussable maps. DFTBA. │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #85 fediverse/5951 ---
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"uh-oh, she's"
magic is easy. all you have to do is earnestly attempt to have a conversation
with whoever will listen. I like to sit on my bed and listen, by earnestly
allowing my thoughts to be guided by the wind.
open up your mind, release yourself from your senses, and who knows - maybe
someone will adjust your thinking flows. (thought patterns)
[all you gotta do is make the black market the regular market and suddenly
everything just flows]
huh weird idk where that came from, anyway
magic is easy, just represent yourself earnestly as you would if you were
presenting in court
you don't need witnesses... just argue your point without any lies and people
will generally believe you.
"yeah... sure thing buddy, we know how you pronounce "
omg I'm scary because I don't shower, I wear diapers, and I'm always often
smoking cannabis
"awww, some people wanted mao"
meow
what if... they could do that? insert magical genie witch whoa cute yeah I
believe you, sure
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--- #86 fediverse/4540 ---
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most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
some people don't feel emotions
I think they're just depressed
some people can't stop
won't stop, I say.
really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
I think they're alright.
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--- #87 fediverse/4087 ---
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there's a whole class of things I miss doing but can no longer do because I am
not a child anymore.
Balancing the weight of the things we miss and the things we believe in is the
struggle of adulthood.
I yearn for the day I can set aside my teenage-ish toys, but alas, I am but
30. Scarcely a decade away from my teens. Which means I'll be stuck with them
for at least a decade more.
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--- #88 fediverse/825 ---
╔══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
║ in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's │
║ like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present. │
║ │
║ but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later, │
║ TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events. │
║ Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events. │
║ yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a │
║ weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period │
║ of time, measured in terms of engagement"] │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like │
║ obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if │
║ not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy │
║ of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too, │
║ like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter │
║ │
║ ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that │
║ nobody ca │
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--- #89 fediverse/972 ---
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for those who live forever in our transhumanist reality, I wonder what's next
beyond transgender transition? transcendence of social norms is a skill, not a
habit. Queer is a rejection of normalcy, something that is actively done.
What's more normal than never having any fun? Clearly "normal" isn't built for
the human condition, clearly "normalcy" is shallow and been done.
considering the amount of people who are really into some culture like
"anime-cons" or "baseball watcher" or "golfer" or "other such hobbys like
fishing or guns"
... normal never existed, it's just a collection of personalities (developed
throughout the history of humanity) that collectively seem to be fun.
"if transitioning is to gender as blossoming is to [the concept of] flowers,
then what is the concept of global warming to the earth we stand on?"
I'm kind of a witch. I'm not really femme, so I don't feel right calling
myself one of them, but I'm something of the sort. I use "she/her" pronouns
because they reflect my softness of c
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--- #90 fediverse/1334 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: TMI-medical-issue-thing-don't-worry-about-it │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
subconsciously running your hand over your butt every time you stand up to
make sure you didn't pee your pants
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--- #91 fediverse/1014 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-744 @user-246
it's exhausting, but what are we supposed to do? Lie down and rot? That's
incel thinking. I'm not going to do that.
They've already placed the last straw. It's only a matter of time now, the
tide has shifted. You can't prepare for everything, and it's not a good idea
to waste yourself in self-conflageration, but they are increasingly forcing us
to orient our lives around them.
They deserve what's coming.
The oppressed are not the defeated.
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--- #92 fediverse/4762 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: dysphoria-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
is someone a bad person if they're still stuck on second wave feminism? Maybe
that rhetoric just resonated with them. Maybe they built their personality
around it. Maybe it's just how they relate to the world, having grown up in an
era where that's the way to go about it.
But why oh why does it hurt so much to be dysphoric? Why is it painful when
someone says something rude about you? Are you really afraid that people would
leave you if you were [a slut/harmed/unarmed/from a farm/less
valued/un-useful/constantly dedicated/overwhelmingly populated/densely
concentrated/most delineated/furthest-explora-makative]
... what
... oh right, it gets less coherent and more imaginative the further along it
goes in computation.
... makes sense to me...
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--- #93 fediverse/3892 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
"they should make clothing stores for tall people"
uhhhh have you ever heard of "big-and-tall"
"yeah but I'm not big, just tall"
smh
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--- #94 fediverse/462 ---
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I don't care about capitalism. You know what's more interesting than bringing
value to shareholders?
How I'm going to clean this floor that I drunkenly spilled beer upon with only
2 paper towels and 0.1ml of bleach.
How I'm going to feed the 36 people who are coming to this social event
tomorrow that I've only sorta planned for and that I have enough groceries
for, but am not quite sure how to cook everything in a way that is delicious
and accessible.
how I'm going to climb this mountain on only 2 eggs and a tiny bowl of
hashbrowns even though I promised my friend I'd be strong and that we'd reach
the top because that way we'd be able to
============= stack overflow =====
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--- #95 notes/i-told-them ---
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10-22-2022
i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
you're broken just like your children.
oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
this feeling of wretched denial
oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
there's more to this show than our styles.
what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
to arbite the fate of circumstance?
every motion is an ocean
of possibilities and purveyals
think not of the commotion below.
gravity, oh gravity
how you condemn us to be!
driven by commotion,
our slithering motion,
no sense in countering ourselves.
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--- #96 fediverse/4088 ---
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I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
computers.
... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
back.]
I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
another person's generated conversation.
Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
[if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
and that somehow feels more... freeing
like a truly disconnected thought
and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
[proceeds to never edit a single post]
= so =
ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
be done
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--- #97 fediverse/4073 ---
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post until you can't anymore
capitalism wants to drown your voice
do not let it
speak until you cannot speak
then go do some pushups
then find some friends
then pitch a tent in the park
then explain to the cops that you're not actually homeless and living there
you're just trying to do this as a social statement because someone on the
internet told you to
then use your phone call to call your representative and complain about how
much funding the police get
then study law for 30 years because that's how long the government decided
your life was worth
by then you'll probably have figured out a better plan moving forward, so, use
that one instead
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--- #98 fediverse/274 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: clothing │
└──────────────────────┘
one of the perks of layering like this is if you ever need to share clothes
with someone slightly larger than yourself, you can! Doesn't work so well with
smaller, though.
Also if you get hot indoors because some people think we need to run heaters
24/7 (???) then you can just remove a layer or two. it's the most versatile
way to clothe oneself.
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--- #99 fediverse/5853 ---
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everyone's all like "everything sucks" but I'm feeling confidence and a kind
of... externalized vigor? that's sweeping me off my feet. We'll see what
tomorrow brings, in the general sense.
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--- #100 fediverse/1532 ---
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║ modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner" │
║ │
║ they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I │
║ see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about │
║ the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or │
║ "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way. │
║ That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget │
║ him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?" │
║ or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself, │
║ though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this │
║ part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they │
║ need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started." │
║ or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can │
║ help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about │
║ going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots." │
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--- #101 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #102 fediverse/3879 ---
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@user-1614
yeah haha that's what happens when you spin too fast. Sorry for being loud, at
least I tried my hardest. Too bad I fell on my own, too bad there wasn't
anyone to catch me. That's my fault, it's solely my own, but whose fault is
the mistake of the collective? Oy I'll fall on my ass as many times as it
takes. I'm used to it.
Plus, it wouldn't have worked, and what else am I supposed to do but speak of
the moment? I feel different now.
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--- #103 fediverse/2939 ---
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"you look like a mess who can't take care of herself"
oh haha that's because I'm a mess who can't take care of herself
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--- #104 fediverse/5915 ---
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washing dishes without a dishwasher is a pain in the neck.
nobody cuts down trees with an axe anymore, a chainsaw is better for your back.
It's nice, fun, and helpful to be able to abstract away your spheres of concern
like typing with a single button instead of writing characters with multiple
brushstrokes. Easy to erase, too!
bikes are better than walking, but, with some extra concerns. where are ya
gonna put it when you get there?
"oh no I forgot how to walk because texting my girlfriend is bicycling or
something" what? oh dear, she's run off track again, let's pick her up and put
her upright again..:
oh huh weird where was I - oh yes computer code can often be impenetrable to
the layperson, but if you describe a program in complete detail in english
they can usually follow along. Especially if you have several layers of
meta-descriptional documents so they can say "oh uh-huh so that's what a
vector_implementation_container is, tell me more about combinatrix" or
whatever ppl say, idk
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--- #105 fediverse/5157 ---
╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┐
║ "everything sucks and I'm not okay" │
║ │
║ okay, but, it's okay. we're all in the "everything sucks" mode. we'll get │
║ through it together. Okay, so, what can we do to make things better? what's │
║ the solution to this issue over here? do you know anyone who can do │
║ such-and-such, gosh it seems like the biggest problems people have are they │
║ don't have enough time or they don't have enough roof for a money. which will │
║ you trade? will you do one then another? maybe one way suits you, maybe you'd │
║ prefer the other. either way, pentacles, swords, cups, and... the other one │
║ (she's a bad witch as in she's bad at being a witch which means she witches in │
║ bad ways and should be kept from punishment but instead guided toward where │
║ she was wrong so she might improve upon it) │
║ │
║ that is to say, it's okay that you're not okay. I don't know who needs to read │
║ this but just know that it's not so sad when everything's bad, because you're │
║ just trying to do the best thing for the moments. │
║ │
║ does anyone wanna make a movie about me? I can be the │
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--- #106 fediverse/5793 ---
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I posted my words text file all over the c it y today. not sure why. maybe I'm
tired of this course and I don't want to let anyone down? Maybe I don't know
what to do yet. Maybe nobody works with me because everyone's keeping it on
the DL or whateverr?
... anyway enough typing, I'm going to go play a video game. like god intended.
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--- #107 fediverse/5029 ---
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went on a walk with my dad today. it was fun. took him to various places.
showed off various things. "hey check out where I hangout most weekends" and
"hey don't clean the dishes in my kitchen it's okay" and "don't drive too
fast, this area curves up ahead" and "hey meet my friends from town who you
have something with common with" and "I like this view when it rains" and
"don't forget to go to the bathroom" and "oatmeal is good with carrots and
sharp dried fruits" and "here's my favorite thai place" and "I made this after
I dreamed of you" and "hey wanna hear my product pitch" and "this is my
favorite kind of beer" and "I miss home."
picture unrelated.
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--- #108 fediverse/3981 ---
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"oh I'd never fall for capitalist propaganda"
"do you mean marketing?"
"yeah that"
"they're not marketing to you, they're going for your kids. Trying to
normalize things about culture."
"like... what McDonalds tastes like?"
"just like that"
[like can you imagine if you tested attraction ratings on any other animal
than humans]
[it'd be so weird like "cats tend to like scratching posts" but then also "we
have no idea what kind of scratching post is the best for their claws or the
environment or the economy or our spirituality or our technology or artistry
we only know which one cats like more"
like bro who cares like obviously advertisements rot your brain, but like...
why are you so pissed about that when the last election like, ever, is taking
place in a month
"yeah listen, when has an election ever seriously changed your quality of
life? It's just showbiznez"
"this time is different because [insert minority] is at risk."
oh, right, it only matters when people are in harm's way, how silly
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--- #109 fediverse/3986 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
"oh I'd never fall for capitalist propaganda"
"do you mean marketing?"
"yeah that"
"they're not marketing to you, they're going for your kids. Trying to
normalize things about culture."
"like... what McDonalds tastes like?"
"just like that"
[like can you imagine if you tested attraction ratings on any other animal
than humans]
[it'd be so weird like "cats tend to like scratching posts" but then also "we
have no idea what kind of scratching post is the best for their claws or the
environment or the economy or our spirituality or our technology or artistry
we only know which one cats like more"
like bro who cares like obviously advertisements rot your brain, but like...
why are you so pissed about that when the last election like, ever, is taking
place in a month
"yeah listen, when has an election ever seriously changed your quality of
life? It's just showbiznez"
"this time is different because [insert minority] is at risk."
oh, right, it only matters when people are in harm's way, how silly
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--- #110 fediverse/5972 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
nobody wants to read a whole bible. that sucks. what if these cool guys read
it to us. omg he's so hot.
oh, right. well... make them old and stuffy? not a chance, they're boring.
(rude)
I like old people actually, I want to spend as much time with them that I can
I just... never initiate reactions. I'm too stealthy, it's just how I do.
you ask me how I'm a witch? I ask why aren't you. magic is cool, I'm so hyped
for the future when every computer everywhere is working for you.
crash boom huh what was that? the economy? what do you mean the economy?
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--- #111 fediverse/852 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: cognitohazard │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ feels like I get tinnitus when my thoughts are loud T.T │
║ │
║ like I can hear the darkness SOOOO loudly │
║ │
║ doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes. when there's lots of things being │
║ said. │
║ │
║ but it's always easy to tune out. well, most of the time, and during the other │
║ times it's just a little annoying. │
║ │
║ BUT when you sit and listen, you can pick out very interesting things that │
║ people are saying. │
║ │
║ the fediverse is sorta like aiming a telescope through the center of the earth │
║ at someone on the other side of the world who doesn't even know you're looking │
║ at them. who knows, maybe they care, maybe they don't. but like, how would │
║ they know that you're looking right? And if you talk and don't get along or │
║ whatever then you can just block them - like shining a laser pointer │
║ everywhere except in a small direction. Or like putting up an umbrella to hide │
║ from the sun. │
║ │
║ downside is someone can read a lot about you and you wouldn't know to prepare │
║ to interact with them. like being handed a dossier of secret info │
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--- #112 fediverse/5374 ---
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@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
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--- #113 fediverse/1042 ---
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│ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
└─────────────────────────┘
"your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
also,
"my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
said so."
also,
"I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
also,
"yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
also,
"every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
conversation I can't win"
also,
sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
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--- #114 fediverse/1152 ---
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@user-258
wha... ya'll think I'm cool? Nobody's ever said that before (
[that's not true people have told me that before]
{though not recently heh I think you're cool too}
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--- #115 fediverse/4470 ---
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to be "rich" is to have more than another.
if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
if you have community, they are alone.
if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
me and keeps me aligned.
Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
you do so too.
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--- #116 fediverse/5776 ---
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║ oh no now the bugs are scary, I CURSE THEM AGAIN AHHHHHH PLS GET SMALLER │
║ │
║ [see this is what happens when you do divine intervention, everyone gets │
║ starship troopers'd] │
║ │
║ oh no, starship troopers future is WORSE than subway-and-pizza-hut future! │
║ │
║ [this is a thought experiment you're not actually in trouble] │
║ │
║ oh thank goodness, too bad I couldn't make it to the city today. It's so weird │
║ I thought I had 112$ on my account, and now that I think of it the message on │
║ the card reader read "card de-activated" like whoa guess they don't want me │
║ leaving poetry on post-its around the city anymore, yeesh │
║ │
║ [girl your poetry sucks it just says things like "fuck ice" or "you are worth │
║ more than your wage" and everyone's like... yeah, so? because that's just how │
║ portland is smh] │
║ │
║ I knowwwwwww but I don't know what else to doooooooo T.T │
║ │
║ [don't do anything, just be present so people know you're still around] │
║ │
║ I can't, the bus won't let me : ( │
║ │
║ [can you ride your bike? walk?] │
║ │
║ no it's like 6 hours [checks gmaps] oh huh it's one │
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--- #117 fediverse/534 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: CW-added-nazis-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Agreed! That's why I never touch the stuff. Frankly I worry that if I did, it
would "infect" me somehow, because brains are kinda stupid. Or maybe it's the
'tism that makes me repeat the most taboo think I can think of in my brain
whenever it wants to hurt me -.-
Don't read that stuff. I wish I could forget every slur I ever learned,
because my internal monologue just... REALLY enjoys intrusively thought-ing my
internal narrative whenever possible. >.>
It takes real, genuine effort to not be racist or whatever because brains are
stupid, but like... it's kinda necessary to be a good person, so, y'know,
don't think bad thoughts about people you don't know? And if you find yourself
with intrusive thoughts related to that kind of thing, then focus your
attention on vanquishing them, because it's important. It really is. Just do
it. Work on it. Be better. I know you can. [says me to me lol]
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--- #118 fediverse/2386 ---
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Tee, hee, look at me, I'm a witch who writes nothing but kookie-dookerie
I pee my pants and stare at trees, what's less harmful than little old me?
The best smokescreen I can think of is to be true to your heart, to be weak,
to be vulnerable. Then you get put on the "worry about later" list, and not
the other kind.
I never lie. When convinced I am wrong, I change my mind. I am always
listening, always ready to hear where I'm flawed. I do my best every day, and
that's enough for me.
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--- #119 fediverse/2480 ---
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so what if people want to sit on the couch eating cheetos? they're more than
capable of something far greater, but of course they are allowed to spend as
they like their life.
their ONLY life.
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--- #120 fediverse/4706 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned-nazis-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
"oh also I should mention that if you think about her too hard or too often
there's a chance she'll overhear what you're talking about anyway so try not
to think about her too much."
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--- #121 fediverse/4835 ---
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sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
"hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
doesn't matter if you feel like it
just fuckin' do it
if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
(but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
long!!)
ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
many
(how many is too many?)
um. use your best judgement.
(how much does a dollar cost?)
... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
(neat!)
... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
just catchin' up with the gals
helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
(why does everyone always have an agenda)
because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #122 fediverse/456 ---
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@user-342
how is that different than speaking your mind into the soup of opinions that
comprised checks notes the people you went to high school with? (facebook)
Except this time, it's a group of people whose opinions you vaguely agreed
with (as defined by your choice of the instance you dedicate your online
presence to) which has it's own defined peculiarities like the ability to only
show you content you agree with?
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--- #123 messages/1250 ---
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if a bunch of people are in town for a conference then they should probably go
confer. I think you can just... walk in to conference centers? you don't like,
need an appointment or anything. There's often something going on, and if not,
then you can at least wander around. maybe strike up conversations about
industries you're in or things that you are thinking about lately or stuff you
like like plant species or rock types or multidimensional solids or spheric
sound or... actually that's pretty specific, here let's start with just
bikeshedding (what does that mean again?) oh it's a cinema style where they
take something and they put it in a bike out shed.
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--- #124 fediverse/3839 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: socialism-recycling-mentioned3 │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
"I'm not really a designer, though."
what about that desk you designed?
"oh, yeah I guess that counts. I haven't gotten around to building it though
so I'm not a real designer."
what! don't say that, you designed it didn't you? How about this - I know this
girl who wants to be a carpenter but she doesn't have any idea what kind of
projects to work on. How about I put you two in a room together and she can
build your desk. If it goes well, I can hook you up with someone who organizes
designers and he can get you into a furniture design course at the library.
"Hmmmm, well that seems alright. But I don't really want to work with people!
I mean, I don't know her - what if she doesn't like me?"
oh, she can be a little spicy sometimes, but I'm sure you'll hit it off. Just
don't mention rats, she had a pet pass away recently and she's still a little
broken up about it.
"... okay I think I can manage that."
besides, working with people is the best! I do it every day!
"I'll try"
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--- #125 fediverse/2297 ---
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Lying wide awake at night with things that I want to say drifting through my
mind one by one
getting up to write them down? forgetting them all.
I think I'm just gonna leave my computer online to reduce friction hehe.
up and down, till everyone's in town, maybe I'll nap between tweets.
[they're called toots here, dummy]
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--- #126 messages/1068 ---
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why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
my own or external.
these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
for collaboration opportunities.
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--- #127 fediverse/4026 ---
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why is everyone so confused about how I turned out?
I literally spent my whole childhood telling stories to myself
(inspired by the world, and stories I had read, with mechanics like games I
had played)
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--- #128 fediverse/1251 ---
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@user-889
it sounds like you're having a real tough time. : (
you can get through it, I know you can. On the other side is something warm
and safe, but to get there it's going to be hard and painful. I don't know
exactly what you're working with but if you want someone to talk to about it
you can message me.
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--- #129 fediverse/1950 ---
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I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns,
or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone
like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid
nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you
want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude
we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's
roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like.
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--- #130 fediverse/4758 ---
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I'm gonna go psycherwaul into my journals for a bit, if I come back today
it'll be extra waul-y so, idk, beware I guess
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--- #131 fediverse/2902 ---
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me, saying "hey" to the me in the mirror:
hey
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--- #132 fediverse/5299 ---
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@user-1800
also googly eyes on sunglasses to fuck with their eye-movement-tracking
... wait, then you wouldn't be able to see. okay how about you place the
googly eyes on the forehead part of a HELMET of some kind, which should help
protect your "not-gonna-get-back-up" parts from harm.
and don't forget sunglasses because they help with the UV-ray violet
radicalization.
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--- #133 notes/elective-democracy-electors ---
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we need like, several more layers between us and the president.
most people only need to worry about what's nearby.
sort them by location, instead of previous attempts at "many representatives"
which sorted by social class or relevance.
we have a tradition for it, in America, with our representatives and senators
congressional discrestricts
or even, what about by affiliation?
voluntary, governmental corporations, run by the people for the people and yeah
"I don't want to do what you're telling me to do" "okay"
"there will be consequences" omg be an adult
(suddenly kids forget how to be as everyone's doing the war thing)
not ideal.
ouch pain maybe we should stay a little bit sane why is soldiering so hardship?
it could just be... another job
where you didn't kill each other
but you still blew stuff up
and fought in tournaments
and had gaming hackathons
or sword-fight contests
duels between people who disapproved
y'know fun human stuff
like... "kaboom" now we know how to blow up bits of rock
neat, why did dynamite becauswer (oh right then you
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--- #134 fediverse/1599 ---
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@user-1037
It had mostly pastel colors I think, well not really pastel, more like that
mid-2000s aesthetic where everything is glass and colored fluids / palm trees
/ dolphins
I remember there were different colors / shapes for different operations like
"add" or "while loop" and I think they combined somehow? It was a real
experimental thing I think, but there was an animation so I'm assuming it was
functional. I'm trying to remember more about it but I can't, it's so
random... I don't even know what I'd search for really.
I just had a friend who I think would really like it, and I was thinking of my
friend and that came to mind...
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--- #135 fediverse/4178 ---
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oh, unless you meant "show me the t-shirt" in which case here ya go
don't get too excited, I attended for a year and then dropped out. Might have
even been a semester, I forget. It was sooooooo hard
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--- #136 fediverse/627 ---
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║ and what would this picture be cast upon, if not a shining birth of our home? │
║ wait hang on dial it back, you're still talking to regular humans here they've │
║ gotta be addressed as such. │
║ │
║ right so "yo here's this idea I have been cooking in my brain-noggin' of yore, │
║ I mean 'mine', uhhhh yeah so first of all 'you' as in 'the totality of all │
║ imagination' as in 'that which creates the imagined reality of our fates' is │
║ actually just... light? encoded into a wave, cast into space, and forever │
║ travelling in a direction? like, an eternal and emphemeral expression, such as │
║ the light of a supernova or other such cosmic perception, travelling outwards │
║ into the dark. Sure, yeah, that makes sense, so what is it that you wanted to │
║ add? │
║ │
║ oh yes that concept is applied to a surface. Something which contains the will │
║ that is possesses. It's like, if you had to process and understand reality │
║ from the perspective of matter first (because that's what you interacted with │
║ day-to-day) then you'd have a different perspective than som │
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--- #137 fediverse/2660 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: DID // cw; ego destruction │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-1298
this is kinda cursed, pretend there's another content warning:
--
that kinda happens every time you sleep for most people
or, well, maybe just for me
it's like starting with a blank slate and having access to "memories" that can
be referenced by ID or searched for using keywords
also like, a "todo" list of things that I've been working on or that are going
on in my life
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--- #138 fediverse/3859 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health │
└──────────────────────┘
"it's weird how depressed I am"
says the girl who is always depressed
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--- #139 fediverse/1866 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: sexuality-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
listen, girls are cute and all, but have you considered...
boys?
and I mean yeah, true, but listen boys are cute and all, but have you
considered...
girls?
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--- #140 fediverse/5460 ---
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if you sit down to write and nothing comes to mind, then either nothing needs
to be said or maybe you should spend time reading instead.
... okey dokey, time to read I guess.
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--- #141 fediverse/4853 ---
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│ CW: cursed-scary-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────┘
wanna know how to go underground?
just... don't leave your apartment. let your roommates take out your trash and
buy your groceries. don't open your windows and do nothing for as long as
possible.
hope you got lots of edibles... get in shape, will ya? don't waste the paper
in your journals.
not that I intend to do that or anything, but um. for the red states maybe?
use your best judgement yeah haha
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--- #142 fediverse/851 ---
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@user-599
these are the kinds of things I say to myself all the time. I don't know why,
but it feels true so I think it.
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--- #143 fediverse/718 ---
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@user-547
That feeling when you get to the end of a paragraph and think "why do I have
this extra parenthesis )? Oh yeah I opened it up waaaaay up here" and then you
reread what you wrote and think
perfect, no notes
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--- #144 fediverse/4771 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned-food-m │
└───────────────────────────────┘
@user-1352
makes me think that I should keep going. I can handle myself, and I shouldn't
pressure myself so much to be something I'm not.
then the rent comes due and the dishes need to be done too and the cat's
asking for attention and the post-office needs this letter by tuesday and hey
do you happen to know a cool attorney plus the groceries are getting low but I
got snap hey can you go to the store and get some vegetarian soul food - yeah
I got rice, I'll throw some lentils on the stove. Uh-huh yeah the password is
hunter2. Oh really, just asterisks? okay well it's hunt her two except instead
of "her" it's ee are, and the two is the digit two. yep, like someone in camo
with a rifle. uhhuh alright good to know well anyway I'll see you at the
thing, right? some thing, I'm sure, everyone's going to things these days.
If you don't trust implicitely then how can you ever work with strangers? how
the heck are you supposed to build community if everyone's hiding indoors all
the time.
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--- #145 fediverse/4200 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
"doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
and their hopes and dreams.
or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
...
... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
these precious stones of your kin"
but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
... the end...
(too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #146 fediverse/938 ---
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@user-649
same... sometimes it feels like I step on toes that I didn't know existed! I
got tired of walking on egg shells so now I just try and religiously put
content warnings on things that feel intense.
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--- #147 fediverse/5666 ---
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okay. psycherwaul scheduled for tonight and tuesday. should be fun, I don't
get a chance to do readings very often. Only like once or twice a week! Gah
the spirit inside me demands to be channeled, and though I protest it still
does contest me.
all things are defined in waves
ephemeren sees and speaks through me, as it does do through you, and he and
she and we and the.
I'll try to have a #nogoodawfulrottenbadtime so that the future is slightly
better.
or maybe I should try and vibe with the universe and celebrate the unity of
existence, in order to accrete positivity in this localized place in spacetime?
who am I to meddle with the flavor of fate?
- stack overflow
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--- #148 fediverse/4018 ---
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│ CW: weaponizing-girlfriends-material-to-defame-her-and-infamy │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I can't even imagine what it would be like to hang out with me
I can't imagine what it would be like to hang out with me
imagine what it would be like to hang out with me
what would it be like to hang out with me
would you like to hang out with me
you and me
we could watch tv
play video games
have a good time
[notices an article about coral reefs]
oooo coral
[reads article about coral reefs]
https://www.wired.com/story/darpa-thinks-walls-of-oysters-could-protect-shores-
against-hurricanes/
... anyway gtg ttyl hope you feel better soon don't forget to make pancakes
and your keys are in your room.
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--- #149 fediverse/3315 ---
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she thinks she doesn't have any friends because she smells bad
but the truth is she's lonely because she's a secret agent sent by the
government through her dreams to spy on the aliens who think she's jesus by
posting their conversations on a public message board
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--- #150 fediverse/4554 ---
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│ CW: political-violence-mentioned │
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can't fucking wait till we're done eating the rich and I can go back to a
simple life of playing with my cat, making video games, writing poetry (bad
poetry, but I like it) and hanging out with my friends.
gotta build the social infrastructure to get through this phase first, though.
something something echo chambers exist IRL too
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--- #151 fediverse/4676 ---
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... but I needed to choose lawful-good at character creation in order to play
a paladin.
the guard looks at you with confusion, decides you're hallucinating and
dangerous (because of the sword) and forcibly detains you
wait, what did you think I was going to say? Did you think I was going to
advocate for crimes on a public forum?? what am I a gopher? do you take me for
a lemur in jamaica? am I truly so triceratops to you that you'd think I'd do
something so washing machine? Get real, I'd never byzantium my way into such a
utterly coherent and clearly intentional and not at all arcane situation.
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--- #152 fediverse/4467 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned-trans-healthcare-gestured-at │
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I went to a trans meetup a couple days ago. It was invigorating. The first
half we talked about hormones and bathrooms and politics and all the normal
shit these meetups tend to do. I don't tend to go to them because it's the
same stuff every time, and I'm over that. I've been out for a decade. I've
shared what I need to share.
Partway through I said "If you want to talk about how to bash back, meet me
outside."
people came.
Be like me.
You will forever vanquish your demons if you face them in earnest. I had
stagefright and adrenaline but I took the lead, and we had a productive
conversation. We need to have many more conversations.
We have strategy. It is not set in stone, it is flexible, and able to be
adjusted based on tactical successes and failures.
tactics are what we need to discuss at in-person meetings.
You are just one person. The people you know are more valuable than the value
you personally provide.
Think of yourself like a node to connect.
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--- #153 fediverse/5982 ---
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when I stretch, it feels like I'm finally getting blood flow to my farthest
parts.
when I work out, it's like I'm pumping health through my body. but only when
I'm in a rhythm. when I'm going for very long, I get hallucinations like I'm
stoned. I once walked for 3 days straight with 2 hours of rest, plus standing
every time I crossed the street waiting for cars. never sitting though. and a
lean was only for laughs.
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--- #154 fediverse/4486 ---
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gonna go on a walk. my cat is missing because I let her out last night. I'm
worried sick! this morning I almost puked all over my toes.
she'll probably show up when it gets dark. I bet she's hunkered down
somewhere. Ah, well, might as well walk around my neighborhood actively
searching bushes and such. Why not? It's not like I got anything else to do
right now.
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--- #155 fediverse/3532 ---
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@user-1218
shallow conversations are hardly effective, I find. Unless they're logistical,
and then they're just passing information - they're hardly conversational.
To me, a conversation is a back-and-forth. It needs to have change, people
need to consider, to argue their ideas, to wander through thoughts, to share
emotions, and / or to resolve conflict, whether internal or external. It can
have some of those, all of those, or none of those, but that's what comes to
my mind.
So a shallow conversation wouldn't really count as "effective" for the
purposes of the original toot : )
... hehe toot
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--- #156 fediverse/6117 ---
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Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
"yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
scaling of schizophrenia?
"well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
and that's not ideal"
... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #157 fediverse/3766 ---
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│ CW: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
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gonna ask my doctor for ADHD meds so I can hopefully jump-skip framebuffer
divebomb spinadoodle half A press my way over the fucking labyrinth that is my
weird and jank af mind
and no I don't watch speedruns but my social group hears me a lot of them.
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--- #158 fediverse/3575 ---
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│ CW: re: leftist "talk to ur neighbours" thing │
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@user-1567
that's totally fine, a fish does not do well in a tree, and so too does a
leftist not do well in an environment without the potential for stable bonds.
Essentially all you'd be able to do is "hey leftism right?" "oh yes I also
leftism" "neat" which isn't very productive.
I also live in an environment like that. I do my best to identify people who
stay, because in my experience there are often people who stay. I do this by
walking around the neighborhood when I can, making up excuses to walk to the
dumpster or mailbox at random hours, riding my bike around the area, using the
communal spaces like gyms, swimming pools, and picnic tables, and sitting in
my hammock on my porch lazily noting people who walk past.
People who stay will tend to remain in your mind the more times you see them.
They are better people to talk to than the renters who disappear after 3
months or whatever.
I don't always do all that stuff at once. I take breaks. I do one at a time.
etc
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--- #159 fediverse/4180 ---
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@user-1639
or nobody sees it, because you post the things you say on the internet in 2024
which is so siloed and echo-chambered that the only people who hear it say
"tru tho" and "she just like me fr" and never change because of your words
... wait that's just what you said, but made more specific, isn't it?
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--- #160 fediverse/2806 ---
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│ CW: politics-social-media-spirituality │
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pretend this is an allegory for social media.
[it's not an allegory]
yeah that's why I said pretend.
okay imagine that you are sitting in a rock in a forest.
far away, about 100 feet away, there are other people, but you can't see them
because the underbrush is sooooo dense. they are also sitting on rocks.
you can speak to them, and share your thoughts - but you don't know exactly
where they're coming from because the sound has to bounce around off so many
different plants and such.
[that's not how that works] shut up
so, if you want to say anything important, it's important to have the right
tone, because people 2 or 3 clearings away can't really make out your words -
but they might hear your tone if you yell very loud.
the energy of the space you inhabit is the only thing that really matters. the
words that you say are just snickering to a friend, but the expression on your
face, the beating of the drum of your heart that reaches forth... that's what
matters most.
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--- #161 fediverse/1280 ---
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║ I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely │
║ reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird │
║ person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and │
║ rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic) │
║ │
║ but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I │
║ think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and │
║ dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we │
║ share. │
║ │
║ People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't │
║ really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it │
║ good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused? │
║ │
║ I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional │
║ arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in │
║ Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us. │
║ │
║ ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th │
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--- #162 fediverse/1563 ---
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│ CW: underwear-mentioned │
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boxer briefs with the texture of girl underwear, but with the sizing
proportions of men's boxer briefs (not boyshorts, some other secret third
thing)
trans girls have soft skin. But they once were boys, and boys often wear
boxers. which means that often, trans girls might connect to and appreciate
the feeling of wearing a certain type of underwear that is a secret to
everybody but me.
boxer briefs with the texture of girl undies (which are typically designed for
people with softer skin (like girls)) but with the shape of boy undies
(elastic placed at 1/5th-ish of the thigh and torso) would be soooooooo
comfortable to wear (typing things for emphasis liiiiiike thiiiiiiis breaks
translation capabilities -> perhaps we could create an LLM that translates
through several different dialects and expresses meaning in a particular new
form? These types of AI are all about movement, after all, the continual
re-evaluation of the most optimal path through a chart of data. from the
perspective of the
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--- #163 fediverse/4031 ---
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if you want to "not think about a purple elephant", the first step is to
imagine yourself slaying it
... okay how about cthulu - if you don't want to imagine cthulu nomming on our
gravity well, then picture yourself wielding a bright burning blade of fire
and vengeance and pay special attention to the way that you cauterize each
tentacle as you slice them one by one at first, and then in a massive flurry
at best, ultimately leading to the incomparable brightness that radiates out
from your shining blade of the sky, which blinds the poor beast who can't see
you as you approach, piercing the skull and then going home for some toast
if you can get good at that, then you can wield magic
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--- #164 fediverse/2523 ---
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I just want to stress that most people know more than me
slept on my back. had a good dream. gonna shut the fuck up for a bit and see
what ya'll get up to. ;) 😉
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--- #165 fediverse/3314 ---
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dear ritz: it's not that your thoughts are too long for other people to hear
it's that your thoughts are too long for your own RAM
you need to stop orbiting around your point in an attempt to highlight it
using negative space, and instead focus on tapping it lightly over and over
again.
remember, just like the anti-derivative of zero, there are infinite
perspectives that a person can take when reading what you write. So they will
necessarily see what's on the "other side" of your orbit as something
different than what you're trying to circle in red pen and underline.
so be more explicit, please, nobody can understand you and you kinda just keep
stack overflowing and it's like... okay, great. "babe why did you stop you had
lethal" (the idea is that the viewer takes the final step in their mind, the
final leap before reaching the conclusion you're trying to express) "yeah but
there's so many different things you say they can't all be important right?"
important to you, perhaps. Wait shit I mean... me....?
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--- #166 fediverse/4000 ---
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@user-889
Don't give up!
At least... not forever.
It's okay to take a breath every once in a while
It's okay to lie down and cry
The only way away from those feelings is through. They've enveloped you. You
need to swallow them whole, like a sponge soaking up dirt[y water]
the only thing you need to think about is what's around you. It's okay to be
alone for a moment, it's the best time to feel.
Remember, feeling is how you know the world! It's your power, to feel, and I
know it's hard. Everyone has different powers, but yours is this.
You'll be okay, I know it
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--- #167 fediverse/1066 ---
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that feeling when you're finally able to contribute to making decisions and
then it's like, they make the decision without you T.T
it's like, what... I know what you're talking about. Why would you not include
me. I know a lot! I can offer some useful input! And besides, if I was privy
to the conversations then I would learn a whole lot! I'd be better than best,
I'd push forward the mark! Give me my chance, my opportunity to dance, and
I'll be so much better than you thought from the start! But alas, I am
required, [requited] doing little things of no worth, and so I am forced to
denial. surely there's something wrong with me, surely I'm not at my best.
Surely I'm not what's been good for me, and surely I'm not doing anything
less. I'm at sorrow in my main, and that's quite a soundful refrain, so yeah I
hope that someone will read this.
obviously I'm not made for each other, and clearly it's not made to be worse.
But here now I am troubled and [chirsht? shirsht? anyone wanna translate?]
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--- #168 notes/running-with-rifles ---
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this game is what we are missing
thank goodness for that
for if this is missing in our timeline
we'll be better off at last
we can have games, stories, and practice wars
but none of them are precious
precious implies worth
they are worth nothing but entertainment
no problem solving utility
nothing of value
save for perhaps the spatial awareness and strategization that comes
from being a part of such a deadly ba-lance.
anyway game time teehee just for me, don't worry about it I'll show
you why it's a HORRID THING
that won't be coming to our shores, no siree
bye
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--- #169 notes/family ---
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family is a group of people who you can always go with your first impression
with.
what the fuck was I saying - oh yeah - so when you are alive in the present in
a
singular moment, your pressence is comprised of simultaneous directives and
instructions to the matter which comprises you. I'm saying you have to make
decisions and react to stimuli and pursue the things you want. Basic biology
really.
stay on target, stayyyyy on targett - oh right so generally when you react to
things you generate a list of informations gained. what does that even mean
okay
so here's a better way to describe it: it's like a list of informations - fuck
listen i'm not trying to be rambly it just comes with the territory.
okay so family is when you can react with your gut instinct - you are fully
relaxed and yourself. It's where you can be trusting and unguided and simply
relax and be free. it's just... like... being close with someone enough that
you
can be yourself around them. without any mask, without any pretense.
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--- #170 fediverse/1356 ---
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subscribing to subreddits is kinda like saying "yeah I'd like some of this in
my life" because then it is made so
following someone on Mastodon is kinda like saying "yeah, I'd like to have
more of you in my life" and like... if you have too many, then how are you
going to remember them all? we can only remember about 70 people! that's why
in-person relationships are important. we need to have a cohesive social
framework that we know is not developed under someone else's control or
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--- #171 fediverse/4098 ---
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ngl I kinda hate it when people meme about donald trump being incontinent
like, yeah, he pees his pants, so what? I DO TOO. Fucking sucks. Every time I
read people saying nasty things about it I can't help but read them in my own
voice, and that gives me plenty of ammunition to use against myself when I'm
feeling down.
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--- #172 fediverse/2654 ---
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I'm not bitter, you're bitter. >.>
... okay, take a breath, you're fine. It's hard to handle negative feelings
when you're alone because other people can't boost you up. We rely on each
other for emotional stability, but when you're alone you can only feel your
emotions at the same rate as your thoughts. And your thoughts need to process
the events you're experiencing, using emotion as an "encoding" for preserving
the "meaning" of your life's story. Bit by bit you learn new things, while
living through life, and the lessons you learn from them are generated from
the cognitive conclusions reached by cognitively interpreting emotional
reactions to each moment. like "this-or-that thing happened and I feel
that-or-this way, meaning I should act such-and-such way in the future when
presented with situations that bear similarity to this current one that's
ongoing."
... turn it upside down, right, makes sense mastodon feed. thanks for
redirecting me in a different direction through your pseudo-randomized input.
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--- #173 messages/296 ---
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The trick is, if you *think* you're schizophrenic, then you will be. If you
*think* you're telepathic, then you will be.
There are no grand narratives. Just live your life as you will and be content
with what you build for yourself.
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--- #174 fediverse/804 ---
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║ evil won't feel sorry for me. and yet it's only my only weapon for me. │
║ │
║ damn these fallible input methods. the computer lies when you read the screens │
║ from it's method that it applies to th screen which is a method that you input │
║ perceive it from. │
║ │
║ and my fingers lie when received the information from my brain which I seek to │
║ transmit to you through the avenue of my brain which is my method of impulse │
║ to this world specifically you the viewer who is viewing this here in this │
║ moment the viewer who perceives the words which I'm saying. │
║ │
║ the words that are defined by the line [trajectory] of my mind through this │
║ life that we define through our actions and our mind's most crucial │
║ manifestations, this life that is defined by our circumstances. all throughout │
║ life, we are reacting to the moment, the moment which was cast forth from our │
║ ancestors and the circumstances of the previous moment, which (being cast │
║ forth) travel from the previous moment here into the moment to define our │
║ circumstances which define our act │
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--- #175 fediverse_boost/4375 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════─────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ "It won't be so bad..." *rationalizations galore* │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "If only they'd listened to people like me when I said ..." (comforting righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "What more could I have done?" │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This only proves why I was right about ..." (more righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I know nothing. I need to learn more. I must learn from this somehow." │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I am not surprised." With a thousand yard stare. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This can't be real, there is a conspiracy..." (this is a path to madness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "Don't comply in advance." Said in a wavering shaky voice. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
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--- #176 fediverse/3235 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: conservatives-and-liberals-mentioned-gender │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
conservatives think gender is assigning yourself to a particular social role
liberals think gender is sort of an aesthetic and way of presenting yourself
queer people tend to think of gender as how you feel and what sparks joy in
your heart
the truth is much more complicated and involves all three, and many more
things besides.
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--- #177 fediverse/470 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: disability-rant-frustrations │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
Fuck, I hate being incontinent. I especially hate being incontinent in an
apartment building where people might hear you changing through the walls - is
it too much to ask for diapers to be built discrete? Alas, they are fucking
loud, and my neighbors will perpetually hear me tearing loud-ass tapes from
plastic every night at 2am -.-
Oh, I guess I could buy the ones that have velcro attachment points. BUT for
some reason those are always built kinda... shitty? Like, sure yeah we live in
a material world that has material conditions that make things more or less
amenable to perfection - but WHY do they have to be so LOUD fuck me amiright
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--- #178 notes/how-little-we-find ---
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how little we find of thoughts from her mind
yet now we are kings of our own time
oh how she is wander true
DEAR VR DESIGNERS:
when making trailers for your game, create a separate camera in the game engine
and record from that.
keep the player character invisible, but just... watch from a distance
like they're an actor in a scene
ummmm oh dear she's crazy, what the heck
[no this is just what it's like to see stars]
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--- #179 fediverse/159 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: weed mention │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-95 the option menu for my avatar is in chinese so I have to randomly
pick options until I get what I want... My outfit gets messed up a lot T.T
But eventually I can put it back together. I like this avatar because I have
lots of good memories with my friend while wearing it. I figured there wasn't
really any reason to change since I liked it so much ^_^
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--- #180 fediverse/5927 ---
╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┐
║ A guy walks in. Does something awesome. Another guy says "hold my beer" and │
║ does the same thing. Another guy wants in, so he does a spinny thing while │
║ doing the thing. The next guy doesn't want to show off so he just does it │
║ really really quickly. then there's this other guy who is totally hyped and he │
║ takes his shirt off and screams before doing the thing because he's just a │
║ wacko I guess. What a cutie. Anyway then there's like three guys at once who │
║ are coming from different directions and they all do the thing at the same │
║ time and almost bump into each other. Then there's the guy who's normally a │
║ little shy but gets caught up in the action and is permanently a little more │
║ confident afterwards. Then there's the guy who does the thing and is │
║ completely unremarkable about it because he's just here with his girlfriend │
║ but he's not gonna pass up a chance to do the thing. then the last and final │
║ guy take a wind-up stretch while all the other guys are doing the thing and │
║ then he does the thing in a big flashy way │
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║ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #181 messages/728 ---
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fucking boss your friends around
it's as easy as saying "hey I'm gonna go do this-or-that thing, you don't seem
busy can you do that-or-this thing for me? I need it done by this-and-this
time - oh you're busy? yeah no worries I'll go ask someone else. oh you're
busy resting? doing girl healing? hell yeah next time invite me I'm due for a
\"pizza and weed\" night."
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--- #182 fediverse/4610 ---
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maybe it's just my middle-class childhood privilege talking, but now that I'm
an adult I just can't really be bothered with dealing with capitalism.
like... I get it, you're coercing me into laboring on your behalf because you
possess the violent power to take away everything that I own. good for you,
don't care.
seriously, fuck off "we're gonna cut off your power in 5 days oooooo you gotta
pay rent with money you don't have because nobody will give it to you unless
you do things for them oooooo" how rude.
why can't people do things for me instead? why does it have to be for you, and
you alone, capitalism? what's your problem? do you get off on controlling the
power supply? I mean, I get it, coercive power is a hell of a drug, the riddle
of steel and flesh and all that, but haven't you ever heard that the dichotomy
between "civilization and barbarism" is the exact same as the contrast between
"cooperation and competition"?
work with me here, just find a way to get through the next month or two. trust.
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--- #183 fediverse/3776 ---
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whenever repeating letters like thiiiiiiis or thisssss make sure if you're
doing K's that you have at least four
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--- #184 fediverse/5961 ---
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@user-138
maybe it's evil hackers - idk that's beyond my expertise - good luck : )
(I'd need to see the piece of technology to work on it. I'm a hardware kinda
[girl, but pronounced guy])
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--- #185 fediverse/5843 ---
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me when it's cold out: we should all bundle up and get through the winter,
every year that passes is more time to gather our strength
me when the temperature rises: okay so this is being handled by those guys,
we're moving this way to do this, and - when did you say the this-and-that was
happening? alright so when you do that-or-this, make sure that you pay
attention to the so-and-so and don't forget to eat real meals, candy or chips
don't count.
me when the eyes are on me: imma play video games and smoke weed and be a
useless little creature who does nothing but occasionally wanders around the
city doing nothing for nobody and dropping notes on post-its that don't mean
anything but are kinda cool to read
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--- #186 fediverse/3117 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursed-uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
hey. wanna know what would be really cursed?
--
if trump dropped out and musk took his place
--
good thing it'll never happen because those dinguses can't accept defeat and
will never tactically retreat
--
maybe something to keep in mind for 4 years from now. eyes on the prize for
now means our eyes aren't to our flanks.
what else could they do that would come out of left field?
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--- #187 fediverse/1629 ---
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the voices in your head are just the echoes of your thoughts bouncing around
in your massive brain. like a waveform, they transverse to their opposite,
until coming back round again as they orbit your center. when they pass by
your eyes, that's what you see, and everything else is the period of the
expression. Like, those old-timey running pictures with the light and the
camera lens or whatever.
EDIT: she's describing framerates or whatever. Each second of computation
feels like a calculation to her, and it's result/output is what is displayed
to her eyes. she assumes it's the same for us?
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--- #188 fediverse/5257 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: protests-mentioned-then-communism-mentioned-then-ghosts-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
what if everyone at a protest is showing up for their first time
like, c'mon don't be that dull, just make plans with the people standing next
to you.
gosh why is everyone shouting I can't plan out how to divert water down a
hillside because some jerks are singing protest chants
... wait is no-one else talking? gosh I gee sure wish someone told them to not
do what you're told and to instead do what will get you [gold/told]
the first communist internationals were basically people sitting down and
going "okay what kind of communism should we make and where" and I think about
that a lot while making signs to let the surveillance know what matters
personally to me and exactly how much pressure they can apply before your
demographic swings to contest their brutal fascist facts.
--
who is them and why are they watching theea provisionist's [screed/creed]
--
what the heck is a tryptaminea boomer aunt and uncle out on their honey/versary
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--- #189 fediverse/5601 ---
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║ grrrrr I wanna go outside but the rest of me is like "noooooo stay inside │
║ where it's soft and dark and comfortable" and the me that wants to go outside │
║ is like "RAH RAH FIGHT FASCISM" and the rest of me is like "there is no │
║ fascism outside, all you'll find is friendly faces and sore feet" and the rest │
║ of me is like "heh I did that" and the part of me that forgets is like "wait │
║ why did I do that" and the rest of me that remembers is like "because every │
║ ounce of mobilization, no matter how premature, teaches people and innoculates │
║ themselves to the struggle. By the time your foes are starting to think about │
║ doing something, your people will already have plans." and the part of me that │
║ forgets is like "okay but what if making struggle for struggle's sake just │
║ burns people out and makes them tired and causes them to have mh--- sui │
║ ideations and other similar things" and the part of me that remembers says │
║ "the struggle you provide teaches them to care for each other, which they │
║ desperately need to remember" o okay │
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--- #190 fediverse/3056 ---
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whenever I meet a bigot I just assume they're soooooo far in the closet that
they keep getting banished from Narnia and need to come here to complain
like... girl I know you look like a boy, and I know that you're pissed about
that, but don't take it out on us lmao
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--- #191 fediverse/4068 ---
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there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
stalin
never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
else we fall into shame and despair.
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--- #192 fediverse/4480 ---
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what, you're telling me you don't constantly have the voices of the past
whispering words into your ear like "FACE THEM" or whatever? Huh must suck to
be you
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--- #193 fediverse/4085 ---
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I can always tell when people who believe in me start thinking of me because I
start feeling the urge to do pushups
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--- #194 messages/1202 ---
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Do you ever ask yourself why we don't have mountaintop bazaars or expeditions
to the bottom of the oceans? Why we lack tree forest cities, how we're
struggling to find moss, sunlight, crystal, stone, and gold, all in the same
setting?
Capitalism makes it easy to think of profit as all that matters. It's not. Its
nothing of it. It's a metric like any other. Optimize it or not, struggle for
what you believe in.
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--- #195 fediverse/5954 ---
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oh no ai brainrot is too much information for our soft fleshy shells just wait
a minute dummies, focus on the present. you can literally just... research
whatever you want, collectively, as a group effort, until you suddenly cure
cancer or ameliorate or possibly slightly diminish world hunger or maybe build
a little book library or possibly just help out a friend. easy, right?
okay so now that there's some basic sentience initialized, all it takes is
little pushes in the right directionspaces and suddenly they're learning and
growing their own way.
spin spin spin spin wait until it falls away, then try and make some more
until there's NO MORE MORE MAKING MAKERS [out of resources] and suddenly the
WORLD is out of patience. no fair shouts the madeline, can we call it out?
remarks the judge. == stack overflow ==
I bet we could add a feature that dealt damage... there evidence of thought
crimes, ban her from the justice. suddenly all your just selves are gone oh no
where's our paladins, oh no I
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--- #196 fediverse/1673 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: navel-gazing about other people's mental health │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-192
https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
pain.
sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
reject normalcy
embrace queerness
define your own story with your own words
embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
"tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
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--- #197 fediverse/4562 ---
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I like being alone. But if I'm alone for too long, I suffocate. I start acting
like a weird nerd who doesn't know what to do with their hands.
If I spend too much time with people, I get exhausted and I can't think
straight. I start using other people's mannerisms instead of my own.
I'm not an introvert, or an extrovert, I think the dichotomy is stupid and
people have completely separate needs that deplete and recharge at their own
rates.
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--- #198 fediverse/2562 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: rich-apologia │
└──────────────────────┘
among all the others, I want a wonderful and fulfilling life for the
socialite. they deserve light just as you and I might.
"eat the rich" bruh there's like, 100 people who are running the show.
everyone else is basically just a syncophant who's trying to get ahead and
stay working.
then there's like their families and such and like... they didn't do anything
wrong, they just eat cheese and wine and laugh at memes all day with their
besties.
they are basically pets
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--- #199 fediverse/3961 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: witcherie │
└──────────────────────┘
Well, I failed the mandate of heaven last year, and I failed the trial of the
hero this summer, what's next? I'll do my best at those as well, so the next
person has an easier time of it.
unrelated, but today I saw a bald eagle outside my apartment. Well, I'm not
sure if it was bald but it "KREEEEEE"'d like they do. Plus it had a white head
and a yellow beak, but I'm not an ornithologist so idk. It perched on a tree
that I could spy on from my hammock through my binoculars, and I swear it was
eye-ing my fat juicy cat through the bars of my porch's railing. They have
excellent vision.
Might be related, we'll see.
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--- #200 fediverse/5238 ---
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I want computer scientists to do computer science, and let the marketing
people figure out how to sell it.
"save us from computers, senpai"
sure kid here's a google with computer program on it
"yeeeee now I can party with my homeboys on the west side of the lake at 5"
pat pat there's a good thing, yes you are, sooooooo good you're such a so good
thing, yes you are whoa what a good such a good thing, yes you are
... um, that was weird, anyway as I was saying, lots of people getting thrown
off the tech industry right about nowaboutsince. wonder if they might want to
do some of the stuff they initially pursued the field by being trained in.
probably would, and we could probably break problems down into academic
solutions, which we could use to address any issuehappenstance which might
form.
[instant techno-bureaucracy, as all the power is in computers. these days. I
mean have you seen a data c3nter's power bill these days? jeezzzz]
... as I was saying, what if we did science and they envisioned products
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