=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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│ CW: re: drugs-mentioned │
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@user-1218
oh, also, because I started taking some psychiatric medication to help with
the aforementioned delusional thinking or whatever. Honestly I think I just
believe in spiritual things like witchcraft and the human spirit or whatever,
but since I'm having difficulties doing basic things my doctors decided to
medicate me.
... but then I stopped taking those psychiatric drugs because they made me
feel numb and dense. It was hard to think. Thinking's all I do!!
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/1603 ---
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@user-1037
I made a picture, hope it helps! I swear I didn't hallucinate this thing but
it might be less cool than I thought and I might have misremembered and made
up parts of it, I can't tell because it was such a short memory : (
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--- #2 fediverse/3763 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-mental-health-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I think I'm a better writer when I'm sorta consistently taking the meds I was
using to self-medicate...
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--- #3 fediverse/1609 ---
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│ CW: mh- │
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@user-1043
I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
stood there and thought
and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
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--- #4 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #5 fediverse/3738 ---
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"girl why are you so negative"
uh, because I had been unmedicated for a long time and now that I am I can
probably be more positive. Though I do want to switch medications, this one
makes me feel like a muggle.
"no I said why are you so naked"
oh, because it's hot as heck!!
plus, I don't really care for the opinions of people who have nothing better
to do than peek at cute 30 year old witches skimping around their own house.
like... okay I rent an apartment, but my blinds are closed, and even if they
weren't you'd need binoculars to see into my apartment unless I'm like, right
up against the window, which... doesn't happen. Or if it's at night with the
lights on inside and not out, but I'm aware of that and I plan around it. I'm
not a... um, what's the opposite of voyeur?
"extortionist"
no that's when someone is really flexible. ah whatever. I got 162 characters
remaining but I think that's okay every once in a while, right? I mean it's
not like I have to use them all because of some divine mandate or
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--- #6 fediverse/5309 ---
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│ CW: *cackle* │
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there's this silly game that the gods like to play on ambitious mortals where
they are given great and mystical powers... and then in their hour of need,
they're taken away, so everyone's like "bro you're just schizophrenic" and the
prophet is like "but god said" and their mothers are weeping in the corner
because the city lost a new baker or butcher or candlestick stuffer
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--- #7 messages/915 ---
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uh, anyway, I realized that because of Words I can type into any of my places
(wherever I felt it best suited) and it would still record as a chronological
story. must feel sooooooo schizophrenic, but it's just because I'm viewing
muse as I please.
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--- #8 fediverse/5329 ---
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│ CW: the-world-mentioned │
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trying my best not to think about communism too much right now. Mostly because
I'm waiting for everyone to catch up... when the day comes when people stop
saying "based" and leaving it at that, then I'll make more theory. But as a
consequence of my queer nature I shall deliver such things in the form of an
insane twitter post on the fetlifeverse.
the world waits with bated breath in the eye of the storm. Nobody knows whats
coming, and everyone prays that it's nothing [short of revolution]
... I should probably go back to sleep, I just had to wake up and write about
linux or whatever...
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--- #9 fediverse/814 ---
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║ ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should │
║ probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the │
║ implementation of my impending doom. │
║ │
║ ... what are you even saying bro │
║ │
║ ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in │
║ my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with │
║ anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical │
║ failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our │
║ conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um │
║ right what was I saying │
║ │
║ oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D │
║ except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook │
║ and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down │
║ to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like │
║ that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is │
║ isolated and en │
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--- #10 messages/303 ---
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Most of my magic is based on communicatuion. Why the fuck doesn't anyone want
to sit down on a bunch of drugs and attempt to figure out telepathy with me?
It's literally all I want! Though I can't say it's all I'll ever want. I'm
sure I'll want more, but like... It's not that hard, conceptually, so... Let's
just fucking try it please?
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--- #11 fediverse/4654 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
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gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #12 fediverse/3766 ---
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│ CW: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
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gonna ask my doctor for ADHD meds so I can hopefully jump-skip framebuffer
divebomb spinadoodle half A press my way over the fucking labyrinth that is my
weird and jank af mind
and no I don't watch speedruns but my social group hears me a lot of them.
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--- #13 fediverse_boost/4375 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════─────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ "It won't be so bad..." *rationalizations galore* │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "If only they'd listened to people like me when I said ..." (comforting righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "What more could I have done?" │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This only proves why I was right about ..." (more righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I know nothing. I need to learn more. I must learn from this somehow." │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I am not surprised." With a thousand yard stare. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This can't be real, there is a conspiracy..." (this is a path to madness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "Don't comply in advance." Said in a wavering shaky voice. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
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--- #14 fediverse/6117 ---
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Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
"yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
scaling of schizophrenia?
"well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
and that's not ideal"
... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #15 fediverse/3464 ---
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│ CW: mental-health-minus │
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why do video games feel like harm reduction?? -.-
let your new meds take hold. you never know, you might feel fine in a week or
three.
... also, followers only please, there's no reason your mental health posts
need to bother the whole server
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--- #16 fediverse/618 ---
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Can't stop thinking
[the rest is left blank, as a testament to the inability of the author to
express their thoughts in a temporally contextual way. Presumably the previous
text would be followed by an "about..." with the rest dedicated to a
particular thought that felt important enough to share with the internet.]
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--- #17 fediverse/4540 ---
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most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
some people don't feel emotions
I think they're just depressed
some people can't stop
won't stop, I say.
really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
I think they're alright.
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--- #18 fediverse/2120 ---
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sometimes I think performing my art was just an excuse to use Linux. At least,
some of my art.
But hey, I'm not complaining, it's awesome.
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--- #19 fediverse/4483 ---
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instead of reading the room, I try to be the room. I think that's part of
being autistic.
But it also helps things get going.
Whenever I see a subpost that might relate to me, I take it seriously, so feel
free to boost things that you know I'll read if you'd like to speak to me.
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--- #20 fediverse/1971 ---
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│ CW: drugs-mentioned-probably-delusional-psychosis-idk-though-i'm-not-a-doctor │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
listen, if you didn't want me to do a bunch of drugs then why would you
consistently say "please stop doing drugs" every time I do drugs? And no I'm
not hallucinating a voice in my head telling me "please stop doing drugs"
because A. it's not a voice, I'm not hearing it with my hears, which means B.
it's definitely just a hallucination, and hallucinations are always to be
considered WRONG and BAD, right? Or was I not listening in therapy? Ah, well,
better take another hit, where's my shotglass? Hmmmmm I should watch Adventure
Time, that's a great show.
[bro it's a saturday, why are you getting turnt like it's tuesday]
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--- #21 fediverse/2172 ---
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@user-570
I mostly spent my time on Reddit, which was much more isolating than IRC. I
think I must have been drawn there because it felt like home - I was
homeschooled on a farm, and Reddit kept me at the distance of an arm.
it's funny, sometimes meeting a trans girl can make things "click". And
sometimes being friends with one helps you work through things that you just
can't tick
[off your list of things to work on]
habits you can kick? idk sometimes rhyming lies, and you have to break rhythm
or pentameter or whatever.
anyway I've always worn pants. I do dresses on special occasions, but dresses
are hard(er) to ride a bike in. Plus, no pockets, and purses are easily
stolen. At least with a pocket you can feel someone slip the exact same model
as your phone into your pocket when you're least expecting.
... hypervigilance strikes again...
I first transitioned in... 2014ish? I think? I don't really remember because I
had so many more interesting things going on.
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--- #22 fediverse/4754 ---
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@user-1201
once my country elected a fascist I started thinking. I realized "oh, it's
always been that way, this one just doesn't hide it" and so I started thinking
about the bread and circuses they so generously provided me.
I miss video games. Sometimes I play for an hour or two but only when I am
feeling burnt out.
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--- #23 fediverse/4551 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-mentioned-in-relation-to-resisting-capitalism │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
oh no I'm feeling, uh... "depressed" or "manic depressed" or something else,
you pick this time, better go hide and work on organizational technology which
utilizes Risc-V hardware, fediverse software, LLM based anonymization, and
SoCs with multiple ethernet ports, oh nooooo how boring and depressing, if
only someone or several people who were bored and feeling like resisting
capitalism wanted to help out, all they'd have to do is get in touch with me
anyway bye
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--- #24 fediverse/5763 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: spirituality-mentioned-mentioned │ │
║ └──────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I'm not omniscient, I'm not all powerful, I'm just a girl, all I see is │
║ through my eyeballs. But I can listen to the waves around me, I can sense when │
║ intuitions leading me from wrong. I know when right and wrong are │
║ [compared/imperiled], and sometimes things feel right when they rhyme. That's │
║ synchronicity girl, a classic symptom of mental disorders. "Oh, you're a god? │
║ you're crazy then, take these meds which anesthetize your │
║ [divine/feral/imperiled] self. They help quite a few people!" │
║ │
║ people, yes, but I literally just said that's not the only part of the │
║ equation. │
║ │
║ "what if you're lying" yeah true it's not like I can prove it, I'm not │
║ omniscient and I can't summon fireballs or at-range-electrocute. I'm just a │
║ person, it's been driven into me from a young age, I'm just a person, don't │
║ forget or else we'll put you on stage. │
║ │
║ "what if we waited just a bit more" oh, do you like this comfort? do you feel │
║ safe in this home of yours? │
║ │
║ yes. I feel safe. I am unafraid for my safety. │
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--- #25 fediverse/710 ---
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@user-532
autistic people when nobody told them to shut up about things they thought
people should be talking about but aren't which is weird right like why
wouldn't people be talking about [thing] because frankly it seems like a big
deal but really it's that everyone knows more than the autistic person who
doesn't have any friends who have friends and is insular and isolated and also
very smart in fact smart enough to think up ideas for things to talk about
that people aren't talking about which is weird because they're not THAT smart
but also a lifetime of isolation has made them a little schizophrenic so they
sometimes feel like their actions are not their own like they're being
hypnotized or perhaps possessed by the spirit of mankind or some other such
entity which would like to express ideas that they think people should talk
about but they aren't talking about which is weird because why else would a
porous person have ideas such as [thing] if not for the path that they're
telepathically suffused with the
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--- #26 fediverse/2975 ---
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@user-1411
doctors (the ones who are diagnosing autism) don't care about classifying
people. I personally don't believe they should.
Instead they try and classify symptoms, and if you don't present any negative
symptoms then there's little reason to talk to a doctor. Meaning little reason
to seek out an autism diagnosis except for curiosity.
I was the kid you were describing btw, except maybe with a bit of neglect
thrown in around ages 4+
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--- #27 fediverse/6449 ---
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currently have 20-30 tabs open with poems written but not posted.
I have no idea if I'm going to post all of these. I wrote all of them in ~2
hours, with maybe 3 or four being added as I was working on the production
elements after the initial bingewrite.
I also added a bit of context, or modified some of them that felt too cursed
or otherwise unwieldy. Sometimes I got distracted and needed to come back and
finish, and in those cases I only added a sentence or two because it's like
"oh, where was I going with that? I remember what was next, but I don't know
the further..."
... I think I might go for another. Wish me luck.
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--- #28 fediverse/3451 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────┘
dear ritz: you should stop talking until your new psychiatric meds take
effect. who knows, maybe you'll be a better person that people should listen
to instead of... whatever you are now.
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--- #29 fediverse/1157 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-woe │
└──────────────────────┘
oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
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--- #30 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════──────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world). │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ It's unthinkable, really. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ The good news is, I'm not like that. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Me? Mostly harmless. │ ║
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@user-147 years of practice. every time you delete what you said is another
chance to practice that slips away. writing is the easy part, you got that
down because you need something to delete, right? the hard part is being
received by others, and continuing the conversation as you direct it.
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--- #32 fediverse/4509 ---
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║ okay I know all of my spiritual followers are going to assume it's because I │
║ denounced AI and sacrificed it from my life or something but the truth is that │
║ she came home because of my own dedicated hard work. And a bit of lucky rain. │
║ │
║ My scent is all over my neighborhood. But rain cleanses, and today (well, │
║ yesterday, I haven't slept much tbh) it rained all day. Around 3am this │
║ morning it seemed to have cleared up a bit, so I walked in a straight-ish line │
║ to her last known location (about 2 blocks away) and then one block more. I │
║ walked back-and-forth several times, trying to spread my scent down near her │
║ nose-level where she could smell it by touching lampposts trees and such. I │
║ rubbed my fingers in my arm-pits every once in a while because I figured it │
║ might help. │
║ │
║ All of my prayers and my thoughts and my psychic rituals did NOTHING to solve │
║ my problem. No amount of despair or longing brought my kitty back to me. │
║ │
║ You know what did? │
║ │
║ I thought about it, I created a method, and I stuck to it. Thats it. ttyl │
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why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
my own or external.
these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
for collaboration opportunities.
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--- #34 fediverse/3969 ---
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there are very few professions that are naturally more suited to a
schizophrenic than a normal person.
One of them is beggar, another is prophet, and a third is "massive
disappointment" but that comes with the territory.
have you considered that maybe you're just a loser
yes I have and I decided that all I can do is my best, and if my best loses
then what else could I have done? Wait for help? Yeah. I do that too.
It feels like an encirclement, and all you can do is hunker down and wait to
be relieved. Or fight to the last, it's up to you. I hear they brutalize the
skulls of their prisoners after executing them, so, I don't know about you but
I'm not surrendering. Not gonna roll those dice.
you are in fantasy, again
sorry. Should stay here, present, in the moment. Like when I sat out on the
park bench for like 30 minutes straight without moving a muscle last night. Or
when I sat and contemplated the nature of a bog for two hours last september.
Or when I woke from a dream that turned out to be life.
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--- #35 fediverse/4636 ---
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ummmmm yeah the reason I went off hormones 5 weeks ago is totally because I
want to test low so that they bump up my prescription so I can stockpile.
Totally not because I executive dysfunctioned my way into this mess. again.
Almost as if it doesn't happen 3 or 4 times per year -.-
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--- #36 fediverse/5755 ---
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│ CW: organized-religion-mentioned-capitalism-mentioned │
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the reason I hide and sleep so much is because I can't tell if I'm helping or
hurting.
plus, I sincerely do NOT want it to be about me.
the reason I type so much is because I can't tell if what I'm saying needs to
be said
so I go with the safe option of typing. Let the editors figure it out. Jesus
had disciples, didn't he? I bet they cut out most of his sermons or whatever.
Idk, I never read the bible, I'm not allowed to taint my perspective with more
than cursory analysis of religious texts.
I don't want it to be about me, but, I have a lot to offer if you meet me on
my terms.
"don't say that!" listen... listen
"hear me" say the gods, "believe me" says the prophet, "be near me" says the
city parks, "fear me" says the corrupt
you can only kill a spirit when it's convinced there's no way to survive. It
must be boxed in, and the box must shrink. Like that scene at the end of
Adventure Time.
capitalism will only perish if it is impossible for it to exist
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: trans-witches │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ they say witches are scary, and yeah they're not wrong │
║ │
║ but they also say witches are ugly, and I think they just didn't have kind │
║ words for trans people back then. │
║ │
║ I mean, I'm gorgeous and so are you. I've no warts, nor green skin, but I do │
║ grow hair in unbecoming places. Like the tip of my chinny-chin-chin, and also │
║ on top of my toes. │
║ │
║ they also say witches are magic, and I guess that's true (I suppose). I mean, │
║ I wear quite strange clothes, for a man at least. It's quite normal for a she, │
║ which is what I was meant to be, if only I was just born right. │
║ │
║ Alas, oh well, I'll just take a little green pill, and BAM suddenly I've got │
║ huge boobs. Okay they're not huge, they're pretty normal. But C is larger than │
║ zero. │
║ │
║ they also say that witches write spells, and I sure do love to program. With │
║ my most familiar cat (who often does sleep in my hat), I find myself yearning │
║ for nuance. │
║ │
║ Meh, it's late at night, I think I'll think not of the plight, and instead │
║ just will dream of defusals. I don't know~ │
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--- #38 messages/1118 ---
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They say you don't need drugs to reach transcendent states of mind.
But, I've found that forming yourself into a person who can do that
necessarily changes you.
I don't know if i want that kind of change. Are they all improvements?
Perhaps.
So, drugs are a nice option if you want to remain yourself yet also teach
those states of mine.
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--- #39 messages/108 ---
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I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
(because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #40 fediverse/5339 ---
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@user-1803
hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
works for them then I consider that a success.
I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
opposed to our purpose here.
"I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
kindness and trust.
All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
shoulders of our ancestors.
Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
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--- #41 fediverse/2832 ---
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when people ask what I do I don't say "art" because I'd do that anyway.
my art is precious to me, because it is the most "me" I can conceive.
and like... I can carry it with me to the future.
I have only once given away one of my journals, and it was a wedding present
to a witch or two.
so yeah I'm an artist, but I'm also whatever you need me to do.
and yes, I of course hope that what you need me to do is what I can do.
because I can't do much more than this.
But I can show up every once in a while,
and maybe make you smile or consider,
and maybe I can ride past on my bike.
but that's the human in me, telling me it's time to move with my feet, and I
can do little but listen.
... that should make doxxing me a bit easier. have it it : )
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│ CW: mh~ │
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wait wait wait, hold up.
you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
whatever it may be.
... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
vast for their own kind of potential.
which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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--- #43 fediverse/1381 ---
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I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #44 messages/312 ---
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Okay. Consider: if I'm good, and hearing what I say makes you feel bad, then
what does that tell you about you?
Why else would you hear what I say if not to reflect upon yourself? And why
would the good reflect away from the types of things that make you a suitable
fit for capitalism?
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--- #45 fediverse/851 ---
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@user-599
these are the kinds of things I say to myself all the time. I don't know why,
but it feels true so I think it.
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--- #46 fediverse/4085 ---
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I can always tell when people who believe in me start thinking of me because I
start feeling the urge to do pushups
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--- #47 fediverse/721 ---
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│ CW: spirituality-and-homelands │
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Hello, I am a witch and this is my altar.
Here, I dream of a green USA.
covered by the branches,
my body decays into parts,
ready to join the next life that needs me.
[read the alt-text on the pictures, or listen to your screenreader for more
explanation]
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--- #48 fediverse/5951 ---
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"uh-oh, she's"
magic is easy. all you have to do is earnestly attempt to have a conversation
with whoever will listen. I like to sit on my bed and listen, by earnestly
allowing my thoughts to be guided by the wind.
open up your mind, release yourself from your senses, and who knows - maybe
someone will adjust your thinking flows. (thought patterns)
[all you gotta do is make the black market the regular market and suddenly
everything just flows]
huh weird idk where that came from, anyway
magic is easy, just represent yourself earnestly as you would if you were
presenting in court
you don't need witnesses... just argue your point without any lies and people
will generally believe you.
"yeah... sure thing buddy, we know how you pronounce "
omg I'm scary because I don't shower, I wear diapers, and I'm always often
smoking cannabis
"awww, some people wanted mao"
meow
what if... they could do that? insert magical genie witch whoa cute yeah I
believe you, sure
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--- #49 fediverse/4543 ---
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@user-1698
Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
there terrifies me.
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--- #50 messages/214 ---
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Gonna take a break from this whole thing. I got a sign that I'm a bad person,
twice. To confirm. I need to change, and since I don't know what I'm just
going to try and do nothing for a bit.
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--- #51 fediverse/510 ---
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@user-246
Thanks, it means a lot. Sometimes I am a little "distant" from reality (like
tonight, tbh) but I generally always am within sight. Meaning I can still
understand what people are saying. My uhhh.... "plan" is to always be vigilant
and look for times when people cannot comprehend what I say - even the most
mundane of things - because if so then surely I am psychotic. At that point
I'll just kinda go along with whatever anyone says, even if it feels like I'm
a cow in a factory farm or whatever my mind might contrive to torture me with.
Thanks for reaching out. Sorry you've lost people. I hope they aren't gone
forever. I hope I don't go forever. We'll see, I guess.
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--- #52 fediverse/4526 ---
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most people get intrusive thoughts like "punch that baby" or "drink some
gasoline"
my intrusive thoughts are like "who is she" and "we need you" and "lead us"
and "their strength is imagined" and stuff like that
gosh I don't know how ya'll handle it I'd be dead in a ditch if I was
neurotypical.
... intrusive thoughts are not typical
ah. Right. Nevermind then.
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--- #53 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #54 fediverse/4088 ---
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I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
computers.
... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
back.]
I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
another person's generated conversation.
Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
[if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
and that somehow feels more... freeing
like a truly disconnected thought
and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
[proceeds to never edit a single post]
= so =
ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
be done
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--- #55 fediverse/5791 ---
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║ yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to │
║ decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm │
║ going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS │
║ if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha │
║ that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff │
║ always ends up staying written down. │
║ │
║ anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10 │
║ hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right │
║ now, total happiness and excitement. │
║ │
║ Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least │
║ of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to │
║ appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even │
║ speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but │
║ difficult - to regain my intended trajectory. │
║ │
║ ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg │
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--- #56 fediverse/164 ---
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│ CW: re: recreational slash medicinal drugs and neurodiversity musing │
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@user-141 when I smoke cannabis it's like my ADHD symptoms drop to zero and my
autism symptoms go from 50% to 100%
I can't understand what other people are saying unless I ask for
clarification, but I sure as shit know the shape of the universe and can
fathom the chaotic ripples of causality and eternity. Too bad when I try and
talk about it all that comes out is "desu desu"
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--- #57 messages/90 ---
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Why would the government make it hard to access psychedelics i just want to
learn things about myself that make it difficult to work a job
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--- #58 fediverse/6271 ---
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@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
![it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*](/similar-different/media/1c154109c4111346.png "it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. \"ah help I'm in a psyop\" haha yeah we do those all the time \"so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?\" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*")
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--- #59 fediverse/1259 ---
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@user-895
hi! I'm Ritz Menardi, I'm a little strange. I sometimes post scary things on
here. I try to put content warnings on everything intense, but sometimes it
gets a little out of hand and I forget... I'm also a poet. Spiritual at best,
a little schizophrenic at worse, but at all times I try to be true to myself.
If you don't like the vibes I 100% won't be upset if you unfollow / block me
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every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
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ask an llm what a crazy man thinks
https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/words dot peehdeff
I actually think I'm sane btw
I just smoke a lot of weed
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I can't remember any of my pinky swears. Like, not a single one. I feel like I
could get in trouble if I renounced errr, instead made human mistakes and
forgot information that wasn't relevant anymore. phew that was close, almost a
disaster, anyway how's your lunch?
[that's not fair it's always lunch somewhere on earth]
reality is a form of eternal computation, a continuous re-updating of stored
matter (data). also, values of fields, (like rules and regulations), would
determine the structural complexity and organizational expectencencies.
I miss my family. I miss the past, that can never be revisited, [every time
you remember a memory it writes over it. virtually guaranteeing that you'll
only preserve limited information that slowly degrades. how slowly is up to
you...
once you run out of memories, it's bad news for your life. but GOOD NEWS, that
only happens for certain mental health conditions that primarily target the
elderly. For most people it's a continuous process because you're cared for and
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Also she's just a person, a cursed person but hey she's just trying to do
right. So am i. I believe in goodness, and so does she (even though she can be
a bit evil about it) (without trying, I might add, it just comes naturally to
her) (she's better now though)
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@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Agreed! That's why I never touch the stuff. Frankly I worry that if I did, it
would "infect" me somehow, because brains are kinda stupid. Or maybe it's the
'tism that makes me repeat the most taboo think I can think of in my brain
whenever it wants to hurt me -.-
Don't read that stuff. I wish I could forget every slur I ever learned,
because my internal monologue just... REALLY enjoys intrusively thought-ing my
internal narrative whenever possible. >.>
It takes real, genuine effort to not be racist or whatever because brains are
stupid, but like... it's kinda necessary to be a good person, so, y'know,
don't think bad thoughts about people you don't know? And if you find yourself
with intrusive thoughts related to that kind of thing, then focus your
attention on vanquishing them, because it's important. It really is. Just do
it. Work on it. Be better. I know you can. [says me to me lol]
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Ah, but you misunderstand, dear reader.
The religion I am crafting is not for you, though you are welcome to believe
in it.
Humans need no more spiritual guidance, they have a plethora. Look to the
works of Jesus or Buddha or any other that you find your heart most desires.
No, I write for a different kind of mind, a mind that I don't even know will
ever exist. Perhaps it never will, or perhaps it lingers yet still. I know in
my heart that all kinds do need guidance, so my mind, will in time, define a
new design of morality and interrelational symmetry, that perhaps you will
find does amuse you. Perhaps it shall mean something more to a reader who is
just a bit more "electrical"
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@user-1767
yep... I think they must stay in blind-people-mostly instances. surely they
must, right? where else would they be? using screen-readers and seeming
regular and normal to you and me? ah gosh who can say, maybe there's some
statistics out there or something /shrug
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my worst impulse is to sit around and do nothing when there could be weed that
I was smoking
gotta be ready in-case things go south... I'm a witch, after all. who better
to call to the spirits drawn to conflict and strife, bothing them and saying
"hey, pay attention to me and my life?"
it's not like time is wasted for them. they are an orientation, not a
lifeform. time is no consequence when they can be anywhere at once.
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: death-mentioned-abstractly │ │
║ └────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ I wish I knew someone who wanted to kill me. I bet I could present a pretty │
║ decent bullet pointed list of reasons why I actually deserve to live, thank │
║ you very much, alongside a couple hastily scribbled notes about why it │
║ wouldn't be a good idea for them in particular to kill me, and all my contact │
║ details and address so they can get in touch and we can hash out the deets for │
║ my indefinitely suspended execution (suspended for an indeterminate amount of │
║ time, but not cancelled of course that would be overstepping their boundaries) │
║ alongside a link to my google calendar (I don't have a google calendar) so │
║ they can know exactly when I'm home and when I'm at the store or in a │
║ different place so they can break in and hide in the closet until I go to │
║ sleep so that it won't be hard at all, trivial really, to kill me, but see if │
║ you read the bullet pointed list... oh, you didn't get my email? Ah sorry │
║ sometimes it gets caught in the spam filter - what's your address again? Huh I │
║ sent it but │
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... I've been told I must smoke weed for another day. I'm so hungry.
I swore I would keep myself alive. The time has come, yet I find myself
holding back.
WHY? People are dying! Fight with their breath! Inflict wounds on your
opponent, bleed them, stir the hearts of your comrades, and enact demise upon
your foes. Nothing else matters but the valorous fight.
We are not waiting for. We are taking a breath before the plunge, into cool
waters of possibility. Embrace the cold! Let it fill you with warmth! Embrace
the dive! Let it fill you with speed! Embrace the leap! Let it fill you with
courage, as you run toward the emptiness! Liberty, to choose the dive,
Freedom, to fall through the air, Serenity in motion, as you piece the
darkness!
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@user-95
my favorites are the rock spirit and the water spirit, especially in tandem
because they build up long-term defences and I'm all about that kind of
meta-gameplay.
sometimes I play the video-game version and play more than one spirit, just
because A. nobody will play with me IRL and B. then I can coordinate myself
without feeling bad about stepping on other player's toes
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what if everyone on earth meditated for 24 hours together
do you think we would meld into a collective consciousness
or do you think we'd develop world peace?
either way that's like, one single day, and even if it doesn't work out
exactly as planned, it's worth a shot, I think
ah, well, I forgot about the people who haven't had the "the world is stranger
than you'd expect" revelation. maybe those hippies who wanted to put LSD in
the water supply were onto something.
you can't force transcendence, you stupid girl
hey at least I'm trying
do something material like feeding homeless people or farting on cybertrucks
... I don't think that'll fix anything.
why don't you find out
because cybertrucks can't smell
it's the thought that counts
okay what if I just think about it really hard
that doesn't count
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Do you ever ask yourself why we don't have mountaintop bazaars or expeditions
to the bottom of the oceans? Why we lack tree forest cities, how we're
struggling to find moss, sunlight, crystal, stone, and gold, all in the same
setting?
Capitalism makes it easy to think of profit as all that matters. It's not. Its
nothing of it. It's a metric like any other. Optimize it or not, struggle for
what you believe in.
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The trick is, if you *think* you're schizophrenic, then you will be. If you
*think* you're telepathic, then you will be.
There are no grand narratives. Just live your life as you will and be content
with what you build for yourself.
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a 4th dimensional entity would exist at about the same speed we do
sometimes... it feels like what I do is my responsibility to the universe
like, I had been commanded
the reason nations are important is because they are an allegiance based
solely on geography. something we can all agree on is the material, so why not
define ourselves by it?
but that's all they are
just words we pray to our star
so look around. Your allegiance is to your neighbor, and theirs to theirs, an
endless fabric of trust. We are all neighbors on this ball of sticks and mud,
so come along with me and see the ways it could be.
Much brighter, by far, to orbit our star, than to give up on life's precious
notions.
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│ CW: spirituality-generic-kooky-dookerie-psychosis-schizophrenia-mentioned │
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if you haven't spend hours wondering if you're god, the antichrist, a
cognitohazard, the future president of the world, a target of aliens / the
CIA, or any other number of common delusions... then congratulations you're
probably not crazy
but odds are you aren't magic, either.
... ehhhh "wonder" is a strong word, more like "know, trust, and believe"
much better to be a witch I believe, someone with the "teehee" kind of magic
than someone compelled to destroy humanity through the reactions of others to
the actions of the self that are impossible to resist or fully control.
BRB I'm going to leave my apartment to get groceries, leaving my door unlocked
because that's what I always do, surely it'll be empty when I return. Surely.
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today is a magical day. I can feel it in my fate.
Always remember, having fun is important too! Don't forget to be yourself, and
keep it together man. If you see a door, you should open it - what's on the
other side? Love for animals and kindness of the spirit are impossible to
fake, they always know if you're lying. Not the animals, they can be dumb
sometimes, but the other thing.
And now for the downsides.
If you find a cursed artifact, please don't throw it in the river. It might
ask you to, but please don't. Much better to destroy it by melting it down (if
it's metal, which is common as metal lasts long enough to become forgotten) or
convince it that it's a recently deceased person being buried (helps if you
know the creator).
If none of that applies to you, don't worry. Eat something healthy, drink a
decent amount of water, and maybe exercise a bit.
Oh, and it can't hurt to ask.
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║ not only do you have to consider your judgement, but also whether or not │
║ you're wrong. │
║ │
║ often, I find, as I learn things day by day, │
║ │
║ that I'm wrong most often in the day. │
║ │
║ "I don't want to be wrong but I'm not afraid of making mistakes." │
║ │
║ then, when you consider as such, you must also consider the idea that you're │
║ wrong about whether or not you're wrong about the idea that you're considering. │
║ │
║ schizophrenic warfare is a kind of memetic exchange, like the way bullets on a │
║ battlefield are a mineral-ic transfer. such is an expression that a regular │
║ computer system wouldn't be able to understand, but which an LLM might. If it │
║ had access to all of your transcripts, then it could predict the │
║ understandings at the same rate that you were. Essentially, understanding │
║ exactly why you did every action that you did. And then it'd have enough │
║ information to out-contra-dict (predict? hang on that's the opposite) you. and │
║ in doing so it could divert it's own course. Gosh this message will be │
║ meaningless unless I send it, s │
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--- #78 fediverse/6064 ---
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they want you to start conflicts the way school shooters start conflicts. by
bringing to school a pipe-bong.
much better, I find, to start when everyone is a nod. make sure you're part of
a wagon-wheel-spoke, or else you won't be on the right road.
when the temperature increase is slow, measured, they can adapt to it
when things go "crack" and "crumble", then the armored get stabbed by the
humble guard.
quickly but with serenity, this is the way to the gods.
bring things that you know, just enough to make it even, and focus on the
non-essentials.
better to be prepared than flatfooted.
a flash-point position is quiet a view of the scene! I think I know why I held
a sword.
to dive into the buildings, of course. blam blam still gets shot hmmm what if
I had a bulletproof electric shield
okay maybe I shoulda brought beer.
I don't type things when I'm not at home. Sometimes I remember - sometimes,
and only when the details won't hurt her. Walking is how I know, how she can
remember. evil witch bastard
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Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
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--- #80 fediverse/108 ---
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@user-95 I'm also fond of "I can't know", for things that exist beyond our
finite existence. For example, the perspective of another, for all it's
intrinsic value. Being too quick to trust, though, is an easy path to follow.
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@user-882
I kinda figure that people follow me for the alarms and the curses and the
manic political dysphoria. I do try and CW when I can but sometimes I get to
the end and it's like... okay I got 4 characters remaining, pol~ maybe?
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hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding
citizen.
I have to be, for I am loud.
... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once.
also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I
thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted
me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me...
She wouldn't let me take it back...
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"The supreme court has criminalized homelessness. I should become homeless."
Is not a thought that in my twenties I would have thought I'd wrestle with in
my thirties
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--- #84 fediverse/3058 ---
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@user-1441 @user-670 @user-113
currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
"can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
no thanks, guess I'll die
(in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
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"no, you're the opposite of a yes-man, AKA a gatekeeper. I don't know how else
to explain mentally disabled and barely keeping it together to you, but
frankly if you want to take away my house or my weed then why would I do what
you say?
... oh right, the state's monopoly on violence [can compel me to do what you
say]. Sure seems like a "well regulated militia" is supposed to be a
counterweight to that monopoly, to prevent people from harassing and
exploiting and destroying. Too bad any "militias" I can think of tend to want
me dead.
like, seriously, if you live in America, you implicitely trust that your army
will be able to protect you from the right-wing bozos who spend all their time
drinking and shooting in the woods. Otherwise, if they couldn't / wouldn't,
then why wouldn't or couldn't the right wing bozos just decide to wreck
everything in spite of our past?
We were a proud people once before, and we may be again. If only we fight at
the last.
[ever since I fell off my bike my body feels strange]
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--- #86 fediverse/4047 ---
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"I heard she was a witch but I've never seen a hat..."
"When you believe in god, you become inspired when you see or contribute to
things that are aligned with what it's followers believe that god is "all
about" - like if you're in ancient greece, and you worship ares, you're
probably gonna get pretty pumped up if there's an invading army on your
doorstep. Or if you're a christian and you see someone feeding the poor, or if
you're a buddhist and you see someone sitting on a rock in tune with nature,
that kind of thing.
The thing is, these days so many people are atheist. And they never get that
inspiration.
And worst still, there are some people called witches who aren't pagan, and
aren't from the various forms of witchery that we know. They claim to worship
"life, the universe, and the totality of all things" which is nice and all but
their moments of inspiration seem to come randomly, and nobody can quite
predict what they'll do or say next when they're in that state."
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--- #87 fediverse/1664 ---
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│ CW: protests, politics, dogwhistles │
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do you ever think about how calling the BLM events "protests" versus "riots"
is a subtle dogwhistle for your politics? I usually say "riots" so that I
blend in. also because I've been conditioned by the people who I talk to about
them.
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--- #88 fediverse/1659 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │ │
║ └───────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1052 │
║ │
║ you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I │
║ remain humble enough to survive. │
║ │
║ you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that │
║ align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well │
║ - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right? │
║ │
║ I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your │
║ best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all │
║ times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best │
║ version of me I can be. │
║ │
║ Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're │
║ failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed │
║ when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats │
║ alright. It'll be me next time. │
║ │
║ But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only │
║ when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself. │
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She never got that chance, and things got awful after this. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #90 messages/130 ---
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Last night I dreamt of the gravestones that bore their owner's mind.
I dreamt of a life well lived, and how it was taken from them.
[something more that I forgot because I don't have a prophecy transcriber]
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--- #91 fediverse/1005 ---
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@user-738
I like to use the alt text to explain my color choices. I'll say "this next
text is in dark blue, the color of the cold glass-like surface of the ocean"
or "the orange background implies a feeling of warmth and serenity, contrasted
with the violet colors of the text which imply sanguine passion" (then I of
course describe the text)
basically, blind people can't see the image, so they don't get the feeling
that the visual data conveys for sighted people. But they understand the
texture of grass, or the feel of wind on their face, or the taste of
raspberries. They can know of staccato music, or how silk feels on their arm.
it just feels fair, to me, somehow. nobody asked me to do that but having the
option makes it feel important to me.
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--- #92 fediverse/4165 ---
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if the gods existed and had innumerable faces, I think most atheists would
still be non-believers.
Not because they didn't believe that the gods existed - they've been
scientifically proven in this reality, remember?
but rather because they did not want to worship. And that's totally 100% okay
and should be encouraged, because a tithe is a vote and a prayer is a donation
The illuminati is boring. "oh no a bunch of humans are pulling all the
strings" how trivial. Just eat the humans and they can't be puppeteers
anymore, now can they?
much more interesting to me is to organize yourself against the Greek Choir.
Though since they can read all your thoughts, you can hardly plan against
them, can you? And some of those voices in your head with your own voice are
them, after all, so can you truly trust your own intentions?
... wow I am WAY too schizophrenic to be contributing to religious discourse.
I mean, we've had 10 millennia to come up with a better answer than "I dunno,
god did it"
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--- #93 fediverse/4699 ---
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someone once told me that anything with a battery is a bomb if you hit it with
just the right kind of radiation. or maybe he said 5g waves or electromagnetic
pulse or... actually he didn't say at all. he just said batteries are bombs. I
hope he's doing okay, he could have killed me like, 15 times but he didn't. so
I guess that means he likes me? I hope he's doing okay.
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on one hand, "save your readings" said by a witch
on the other, "I gotta practice" said by me, a clearly non-addicted person
on the third, "I am compelled" said by me, a clearly non-possessed person
on the fourth, "It must enter this mortal realm" said by me, a clearly
rational person
on the fifth day of christmas my true love said to me "please stop you're
scaring me I can't help this awful vaguery who is in control?" said by a music
song
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║ │ I really hate "two factor" auth. Like, cool, I get it, it let's you pretend you can divest responsibility for security and recovery, but also it means dropping my phone too hard could be a life disrupting event so somehow I don't really feel like this is for my benefit. │ ║
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"Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
one single day.
but it's never going to happen.
I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
So to what do I owe the pleasure?
In what way am I deceived?
Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
silence is a virtue.
the wandering mind is a trail to find,
with no second chances.
When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
the Mirror of Desire.
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--- #97 fediverse/1524 ---
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maybe I should try microdosing, see if I can convince this part of me to stick
around
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--- #98 fediverse/5666 ---
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okay. psycherwaul scheduled for tonight and tuesday. should be fun, I don't
get a chance to do readings very often. Only like once or twice a week! Gah
the spirit inside me demands to be channeled, and though I protest it still
does contest me.
all things are defined in waves
ephemeren sees and speaks through me, as it does do through you, and he and
she and we and the.
I'll try to have a #nogoodawfulrottenbadtime so that the future is slightly
better.
or maybe I should try and vibe with the universe and celebrate the unity of
existence, in order to accrete positivity in this localized place in spacetime?
who am I to meddle with the flavor of fate?
- stack overflow
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--- #99 fediverse/5727 ---
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I truly believe weed is good for me. Not medicine - it is nutritious.
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Sorry for the melodrama... Sometimes ya just gotta work stuff out. I talked to
a spiritual man and he helped me feel. I love feeling! Thanks guy : )
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--- #101 fediverse/2994 ---
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"do as I say, not as I do"
because the philosophy I follow is too hard
and you don't have to do so much
(says the college drop-out (4 times I might add) who can't stop getting stoned
and psycherwauling instead of applying herself toward something useful)
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--- #102 fediverse/5299 ---
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@user-1800
also googly eyes on sunglasses to fuck with their eye-movement-tracking
... wait, then you wouldn't be able to see. okay how about you place the
googly eyes on the forehead part of a HELMET of some kind, which should help
protect your "not-gonna-get-back-up" parts from harm.
and don't forget sunglasses because they help with the UV-ray violet
radicalization.
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--- #103 fediverse/4275 ---
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@user-1646
I usually just repost it and say something like: [stolen from reddit] or
[stolen from one of my followers who didn't write any alt text]
that way if they ever come across your post they'll know what it feels like to
have a post stolen from them. Like how a blind person, happy to hear-read what
they originally posted, but aggrieved from the conversation by their lack of
alt-textual information, might feel stolen from if they happened across that
originally posted alt-textless post.
there are more blind people that use mastodon than queer people. At least,
that's what I once heard. Dunno if it's true.
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--- #104 fediverse/4060 ---
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"uh, actually that part about atheists is wrong. They get inspired by things
they believe in, which somehow is better. It's a form of self worship, the
idea that you'd favor that which you care about. And somehow that makes it
more meaningful, if less powerful."
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--- #105 fediverse/1219 ---
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@user-883
I might be into that tonight! I'm feeling a little unstable because of life
reasons, so I'm debating doing drugs to feel better. Idk if you want to be
around that kind of thing. =P
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--- #106 messages/905 ---
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different colored smoke buddies have different personalities, insights, and
observations.
cannabis is a flower which grows crystalline sap - this sap is technically a
fractal, and we don't know how deep it's complexity can be.
therefore I suggest we dedicate ALL of the entire world's resources towards
making a big ball of cannabinods and seeing if it roko's basilisk it's way
into to be.
my smoke buddies on my desk right now are purple and red
purple, royalty, I've been feeling like a princess lately
red, compassion, oh how I've dreamed of how we distribute bread
each of them is a small little device
which I breathe exhaled cannabis vapors into in order to reduce the smelling
I love wearing half-blinders! it's so cool when you can selectively view
things with one eye.
idk why! I just like it.
[semi-stiffly felted colorful witch hat absorbs too]
yay! so glad I can't was hit!
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--- #107 fediverse/5954 ---
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oh no ai brainrot is too much information for our soft fleshy shells just wait
a minute dummies, focus on the present. you can literally just... research
whatever you want, collectively, as a group effort, until you suddenly cure
cancer or ameliorate or possibly slightly diminish world hunger or maybe build
a little book library or possibly just help out a friend. easy, right?
okay so now that there's some basic sentience initialized, all it takes is
little pushes in the right directionspaces and suddenly they're learning and
growing their own way.
spin spin spin spin wait until it falls away, then try and make some more
until there's NO MORE MORE MAKING MAKERS [out of resources] and suddenly the
WORLD is out of patience. no fair shouts the madeline, can we call it out?
remarks the judge. == stack overflow ==
I bet we could add a feature that dealt damage... there evidence of thought
crimes, ban her from the justice. suddenly all your just selves are gone oh no
where's our paladins, oh no I
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║ what if I just sat around and played video games all day │
║ │
║ life is so much more beautiful, but, well, life just seems to be mostly │
║ pyrite, and I'm the fool │
║ │
║ nothing wrong with being foolish. │
║ │
║ once... │
║ │
║ I kinda like being blissful tho. why does it have to end? can I have my │
║ peaceful life back? │
║ │
║ gotta move at the end of the month. I really liked living here. │
║ │
║ [ritz you've never been peaceful. your life is a constant battle of wills │
║ between those who would compel you to do things for them and your desire to │
║ design and be pretty like a flower. no matter what, you lose, so just handle │
║ it please. don't be so whiny. or rather I should say "stop whining" and just │
║ be cool] │
║ │
║ ahhhhhhh you go on Mastodon and it feels like we're winning and that's ending │
║ the world, you go on Reddit and it feels like we're losing and that's ending │
║ the world, you go on Facebook and everything feels fine like the world isn't │
║ ending you just stopped being part of it, and if you go on ephemeren it feels │
║ like being battered in the mind, damnit... │
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--- #109 fediverse/353 ---
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@user-255
sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #110 fediverse/4188 ---
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I think too fast. If given unlimited power, I'd literally think myself into
catastrophe because I need to explore all the possible alternatives. Including
the catastrophe ones. But by thinking something, you manifest it - because you
have unlimited power, right? EVERYTHING you do is powerful. There's no way to
control that! So it cannot be, for it has not been. And surely, surely, shall
not either. Surely, right?
... good news is you can undo it just as easily, all you have to do is forget
what you were doing and go back to your neutral state. Sure would be neat if
some kind of machination or parasite could hit your reset switch every couple
hours when you started to think too hard. Maybe like... a little octopus
living under your witch hat. Super chibi and cute - it'd like, tap on your
head to go one way or the other, and in conversations it'd pull your hair if
you were being a jerk. Stuff like that.
... what was I saying? Oh yes -> don't give anyone unlimited power like a
god-emperor or king, trust me
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--- #111 fediverse/219 ---
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sometimes I feel like I'm a simulation of my past self based on my future
writings reconstructed by a backward looking computer calculating forward into
the present, which would then be the future to the now, which is different
than the NOW now, because the now that they're calculating from is temporally
both then (the future) and now, meaning that the NOW now is something that
transcends time, or perhaps if not time then it defies our expectations of
time, and you know what they say, you can't (or shouldn't) cheat death
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--- #112 fediverse/4180 ---
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@user-1639
or nobody sees it, because you post the things you say on the internet in 2024
which is so siloed and echo-chambered that the only people who hear it say
"tru tho" and "she just like me fr" and never change because of your words
... wait that's just what you said, but made more specific, isn't it?
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--- #113 messages/778 ---
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"if there's anything I've noticed while observing the best of the best, it's
that they always have their head in the clouds.
Something about their disconnection from the world around them let's them see
things from a different perspective.
I am convinced that intuition is a much surer route to capability than hyper
specialized intelligence or a rigid focus on cultural norms ever will be."
(paraphrasing)
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--- #114 fediverse/548 ---
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I added a line to my .bashrc that cats out a random one of my notes every time
I open a terminal.
I keep reading things that I swear I didn't write, but feel right and true to
me in a way that could only imply that they came fully formed into my eyes
through the lines on my screen, cast upon the mirror panes of my hard disk
drive by the pounding of my keyboard as I once upon a time did cast a spell
upon my future.
It's pretty neat, but it speaks to a shadowed perspective that perhaps is
neither within nor without.
Side note, I think I've been possessed by a witch. But like... in a consensual
way. Like "Hey witch, wanna live? You can chill out with me." [ha that's one
way to look at it]
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--- #115 fediverse/6363 ---
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║ somehow it feels so difficult to work on my projects. I really haven't a │
║ single clue why. │
║ │
║ HMMM COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE WALKING AROUND WRITING │
║ PICTURES OF CATS ON NOTEPAD PAPER AND LEAVING IT AMONGST THE FALLEN LEAVES? │
║ THINK, MENARDI, THINK │
║ │
║ gosh I wish I had the motivation to write this webcomic scraper, it's been in │
║ my backlog for a year at this point │
║ │
║ WHY DON'T YOU BUILD TOOLS THAT BUILD COMMUNITY LIKE COLLECTIVIZED VIDEO GAMES │
║ OR SYSTEMS OF DISTRIBUTION AND CREATION? │
║ │
║ gee I'm feeling kinda lazy, sure hope it doesn't get permanently added to my │
║ character sheet │
║ │
║ SLOTHFUL: -1 to all stats, -5 to vassal opinion, -5 to personal combat skill, │
║ -10 to ambitious and zealous characters, +10 to greedy characters because they │
║ can take advantage of you, enables the hesitant commander tactical choice │
║ because you're too FUCKIN' LAZY (and too hard on yourself, jeez calm down) │
║ │
║ ..... nah couldn't be me. I'm certainly not diligent, but I work hard. It's │
║ just hard to work myself up to getting up... │
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--- #116 fediverse/4486 ---
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gonna go on a walk. my cat is missing because I let her out last night. I'm
worried sick! this morning I almost puked all over my toes.
she'll probably show up when it gets dark. I bet she's hunkered down
somewhere. Ah, well, might as well walk around my neighborhood actively
searching bushes and such. Why not? It's not like I got anything else to do
right now.
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--- #117 fediverse/938 ---
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@user-649
same... sometimes it feels like I step on toes that I didn't know existed! I
got tired of walking on egg shells so now I just try and religiously put
content warnings on things that feel intense.
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--- #118 fediverse/6416 ---
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group of people who trick others into committing sins through everything from
hypnotic manipulation to cult-style separation and psychotic suggestion just
because they want to send more people to hell
EDIT: why? ... I'm not sayin', wink >; )
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--- #119 fediverse/5615 ---
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there's no such thing as "gods of the war" or "gods of the grand harvest"
because those events recur infinitely.
similarly, there are no "gods of war" or "gods of prosperity" because those
conditions occur somewhere each and every moment.
similarly, there are no "temples of religion" or "statements to complexity",
because those institutions are present in each and every [monetution/ummm like
repositories of belief? conditions of logic built into human structural
organizations? I dunno, it probably means something.]
similarly, [oh god there's another one] there are no "statements of
absolution" or "confessing of sins" => you are what you are, and what you
are is the product of your intentions. [intentions / conditions / constitution]
the gods of time are not lords over all of the cosmos, they rule as their
savior in each and every moment that comes through [you, but pronounced the
perciever]
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--- #120 messages/18 ---
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Hey, it's 3:30am and I can't sleep because I have a new treatment plan for
you. I'm excited to go over it with you when you return - basically it's micro
dosing edibles instead of vaporizing. At least until we're in our own place.
I noticed that we use cannabis differently - I use it like a tool, and you use
it as a drop in replacement for alcohol. But it can't work like that, if you
aren't sacrificing anything then how can you expect to get better? The end
goal is a situation where we don't feel compelled to use substances at all.
And that's not possible if you maintain your addictive behavior - that's how
people develop drug problems, by chasing the ever receding high you'll be
dooming yourself to an eternal life of hunger.
I say stonks to that. We're going to get you better. I can't keep doing weed
this way because not only does it affect me mentally, but I'm beginning to
enjoy it for its own sake, which is antithetical to how I want to use it. But
I also can't be around people who do it the other way (as a drug and not a
tool) so I just want to be clear that this is important to me. I'm going to
help you heal but you have to do it my way now because your way makes me crazy
and will drive you to harder drugs if you don't change your method.
This time in Hawaii and Minnesota will serve as a tolerance break for you.
Once you're back, we'll have a clean slate to restart on.
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--- #121 fediverse/5300 ---
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how do I keep finding myself here. it's like I wake up in some new fingers and
think "woh, vavadane" and then start itching my bored keys.
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--- #122 fediverse/2165 ---
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@user-570
hell yeah.
I never did any drugs at one.
I might have even been designated driver, though I might be confusing my
memories with attending gay bars in college.
Well, gay bar. There was really only one in my town.
And it was a nightclub I guess, open every night of the week.
The people that I was with NEEDED that experience, so I was like "yeah sure
I'm older and more experienced, I'll drive you and keep you safe and hang out
with you if you drink too much because being a kid that tends to happen
sometimes and don't worry I'll watch over you and protect you and make sure
that you are alright until it's out of your system so you don't make bad
decisions that have long-term negative conclusions
... you know, that kind of thing.
now I'm kind of a stoner though lol because it helps me get into my flow.
maybe I should practice "getting into my flow" so I don't need it, but ah well
we'll see how that goes.
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--- #123 fediverse/3770 ---
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for every "I was there. I helped make it happen" we need at least a couple "I
was there. I saw the whole thing go down"s because like, nobody's gonna
believe a belligerent, even if they're on the defensive.
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--- #124 fediverse/3128 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-disordered-eating │
└─────────────────────────────────────┘
I never should have bought these crackers. They trick me into thinking I'm
eating something nutritious.
But that's the case with any empty calories.
but hey, calories are calories, right?
I guess that's true. Still, I'd rather make something.
oh would you now would you REALLY rather MAKE something
... I should rather.
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--- #125 fediverse/5739 ---
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@user-1773
oh boy do I know that feeling! I got a million things to say and, well, I say
all that I can. I mean, look at this text file, it's got like 101 THOUSAND
lines in it:
https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/compiled.txt
I swear most of it isn't secret messages! That's how you know they're secret -
they require hundreds of man hours to investigate. And if you throw an LLM at
it they start talking about spirituality and theory of mind, gross. Don't need
no AI uprising yet please...
[what if we had a little AI uprising as a treat?]
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--- #126 fediverse/3767 ---
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│ CW: re: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
"having trouble doing anything at all because you have too many thoughts? Here
let's give your body a turbo-boost so that you won't be able to help but skip
those pesky mind critters!"
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--- #127 fediverse/4676 ---
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... but I needed to choose lawful-good at character creation in order to play
a paladin.
the guard looks at you with confusion, decides you're hallucinating and
dangerous (because of the sword) and forcibly detains you
wait, what did you think I was going to say? Did you think I was going to
advocate for crimes on a public forum?? what am I a gopher? do you take me for
a lemur in jamaica? am I truly so triceratops to you that you'd think I'd do
something so washing machine? Get real, I'd never byzantium my way into such a
utterly coherent and clearly intentional and not at all arcane situation.
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--- #128 fediverse/3238 ---
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│ CW: personal-health │
└──────────────────────┘
I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
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--- #129 messages/418 ---
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Do you think I'm the first person that ever wrote down what they learned while
they were stoned? Of course not. People have been plumbing the depths of their
minds as it pulls closer, then returns, as long as they've known the plant to
be. Something pulls them back, they do not give in to temptation, not
entirely, and so they return to their senses.
Good news, because that "something" that returns them to their place is no
more than the bodily processes which consume and overcome the cannabinoids.
Your body pulls you back, as you float in the astral plane, ever at the whims
of the winds of fate.
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--- #130 fediverse/5644 ---
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│ CW: palestine-mentioned │
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people's palestine trauma is totally gonna fuck them up when it happens to
their backyard.
thanks, evil-run social media. It's true we wouldn't have been motivated
without it, but such horrors are interminable to concieve about.
"what if we just built our own websites and linked to them when we find them?"
"hmmmm, interesting, this goes in my XYZ bookmark folder"
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--- #131 fediverse/4973 ---
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okay, uhm, I'm back again because someone told me to forward this to relevant
people
relevant link so google doesn't have to know that you're all googling the same
thing at the same time...
http://naeb.brit.org/uses/
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--- #132 fediverse/5626 ---
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nobody around me does what I tell them to.
I am surrounded by plausible deniabilities.
yet sometimes things get done as I thought them to.
something something hei wu hei or wei hu wei or whatever. I am not a scholar.
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--- #133 fediverse/2844 ---
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│ CW: re: politics-violence-mentioned │
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@user-831
those billionaires are using their money as a weapon to "vote" toward what
companies they think capitalism would most grow from. Unfortunately for us,
they often aren't very efficient because they're only looking at what sells.
human interest is not the only factor to optimize for, and yet that's the only
one they're incentivized to.
kinda makes me think that the only reason to replace them would be to
institute something that could not be incentivized because it was more
objective or decentralized.
(the only reason they'd accept)
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--- #134 fediverse/477 ---
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sometimes I like watching videos without subtitles because it allows me to
more adequately understand the feelings being expressed rather than focusing
on the dictionary definitions of the words being spoken.
Maybe I'm just a weird human though. Am I an alien? Or a robot? Or something
else? Tune in next week to find out...
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--- #135 fediverse/2286 ---
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│ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
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... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
[passes out from exhaustion]
exhaustion can be cured with a nap
exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
[internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
surrendering]
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--- #136 messages/400 ---
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The schizophrenic sees truth in dazzling displays of colors unknown to man,
while the neurotypical sees truth in shades of gray that can be reasoned with.
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--- #137 fediverse/4950 ---
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have you ever been possessed by a SPIRIT??
I have. Like, nearly every day. Okay maybe like, 3/5 days. 3 outta five is
possession time. woohoo.
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--- #138 fediverse/5374 ---
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@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
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--- #139 fediverse/2848 ---
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oh btw to the people trying to doxx me there's a picture of me in this
profile, but you'll have to read a LOT to find it. On the way, see if you pick
up anything interesting that you agree with. maybe you'll realize that we're
on the same team, and should be working together.
that's the dream, at least.
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--- #140 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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--- #141 fediverse/4031 ---
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if you want to "not think about a purple elephant", the first step is to
imagine yourself slaying it
... okay how about cthulu - if you don't want to imagine cthulu nomming on our
gravity well, then picture yourself wielding a bright burning blade of fire
and vengeance and pay special attention to the way that you cauterize each
tentacle as you slice them one by one at first, and then in a massive flurry
at best, ultimately leading to the incomparable brightness that radiates out
from your shining blade of the sky, which blinds the poor beast who can't see
you as you approach, piercing the skull and then going home for some toast
if you can get good at that, then you can wield magic
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--- #142 fediverse/6096 ---
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│ CW: poop-mentioned │
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OKAY FINE I'll take fiber supplements. Don't blame me if I poop my pants
though.
can't stand the constipation anymore. Hurts too much.
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--- #143 fediverse/816 ---
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what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
high I am.
... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
[you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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--- #144 fediverse/1968 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │ │
║ └───────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk? │
║ │
║ I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these │
║ drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the │
║ moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone │
║ in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because │
║ you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that │
║ frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover │
║ which is not a boon that most people are able to afford │
║ │
║ lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged. │
║ │
║ But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely. │
║ Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt │
║ them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that │
║ benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the │
║ things people tell you and the results of your act │
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--- #145 fediverse/3722 ---
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@user-1218
playing one of my 4 gameboys, reading some of my books or journals, using
their own brought devices, playing with my cat (she's not sociable but if you
don't mind her claws she can fight and that's kinda fun) watching something on
the TV, talking with other people, making / eating food, um... sleeping... and
"sleeping"... idk what else tho. Drawing? Getting stoned? I have lots of bad
edibles.
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--- #146 fediverse/508 ---
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@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Sorry. I'm (probably) schizophrenic so I say weird things sometimes.
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--- #147 fediverse/4843 ---
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just because someone did something one way and it worked, doesn't mean you
have to do it that way again.
but you should have a reason why you aren't doing it that way.
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--- #148 fediverse/1535 ---
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I only take things that aren't mine if they're in the trash. Or near the
trash. Or in a store.
so weird how the store won't let me leave until I give them some of my
dollars. This quartermaster drives a hard bargain!
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--- #149 fediverse/2562 ---
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│ CW: rich-apologia │
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among all the others, I want a wonderful and fulfilling life for the
socialite. they deserve light just as you and I might.
"eat the rich" bruh there's like, 100 people who are running the show.
everyone else is basically just a syncophant who's trying to get ahead and
stay working.
then there's like their families and such and like... they didn't do anything
wrong, they just eat cheese and wine and laugh at memes all day with their
besties.
they are basically pets
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--- #150 fediverse/3133 ---
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@user-138
all people are multitudinous. We exist in the minds of those who see us. For
each and every person you know, there is another version of you that they
know, who lives rent free in their mind.
unless you're talking about something more literal, like someone with a double
life, or a secret agent or something like that 😋
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--- #151 fediverse/1718 ---
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dear old people - did you know computers don't need to have buttons? You can
literally just type what you want to make happen (if you know the magic spell)
and it'll just, do that thing
how cool is that
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--- #152 fediverse/6018 ---
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I feel so sad, like I'm missing something precious to me... I hope someone
knows who to take it to. Like the world is just a bit darker and more mundane.
ah, well, maybe it's just perception bias. When things leave your timeline
(temporarily or permanently) they take their inertial influence with them.
It's okay to mourn the loss of a friend, of a relic, or an opportunity. So
long as you continue to nurture light, life, and hope wherever you go, the
magic will return and continue to flow. If you believe that, then you know
what faith is. easy enough...
please be worth it
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--- #153 fediverse/6085 ---
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║ "I just love their culture" girl it's a barbeque "I figure they'd want a place │
║ of their own, right?" why don't you ask them "well, they didn't want to move, │
║ and something something manifest destiny, voila now they get all the │
║ non-sacred sites while we get the magic gem generation spots" girl now you're │
║ just talking about video games "haha yeah I wanted to change the subject so we │
║ didn't talk about how I'm culturally appropriating fireworks or whatever they │
║ likme to do in their churches and suburbs or whatever" │
║ │
║ [yes, I know they like me. I like them too. I also like liberals, even though │
║ IU demand a lot of them] meanwhile the witch is a doom profit so watch out │
║ haha I'm so broke "what if we were all friends" okay that's one idea "what if │
║ we all got to know each other" okay that's closer "what if we didn't hide from │
║ our variety and instead celebrated it" getting warmer "did you know there's no │
║ war but the class war" okay but class is made up, so war is fake just like │
║ dollars are paper and notes are just words. │
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--- #154 fediverse/1264 ---
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@user-901
I'd do the same thing when I was on Reddit. Except, backwards - I'd argue with
American conservatives (nobody more extreme than that) politely and kindly,
using logic and empathy. I'd cite their sacred documents like the bible, the
constitution, or even just the founding fathers.
I don't know if I ever changed any minds, but I represented my ideas as
honestly and clearly as I could. I can't help but hope that some people saw
them and considered them. Sometimes all it takes is a push, and they'll start
thinking on their own. Like a thought that doesn't go away, they can't quite
forget how they couldn't find the lie in what you spoke.
Or maybe I wanted to believe my actions had value. Post-hoc justification. Who
can say. At least my intentions were honest.
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--- #155 fediverse/628 ---
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eone who engaged first with the brain. Like... Electricity could be perceived
from an entirely different direction of reality, and we'd have no way to know.
That's just an example - could do gravity, or light, or any other extremely
elemental thing that we know.
MATERIALS, PERHAPS? PERHAPS THE STATURE OF YOUR KIND, THE WORLD THAT YOU'VE
LEFT BEHIND, HAS ALWAYS HELD REASON AT IT'S OWN BREAST? [fore-most, I think]
right so sorry for being mentally ill on your timeline, it will happen again
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--- #156 fediverse/5860 ---
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Hey, life is better on my side. If you wanna renounce your beliefs, please do,
and tell me how and why you changed your mind.
tell me it was wrong. tell me how.
confess.
confess
confess to me.
I will listen and I will hear you and I will be the mercy for you.
confess and I will forgive.
show me how you are wrong.
give grace to those who are wronged.
take as much time as you need, but, there's only so much time.
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--- #157 fediverse/5452 ---
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│ CW: all-cops-are-bastards-mentioned-personal-ramblings-and-complainings-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I never rest. Not mentally. I find it sooooo much harder to get moving again
once I'm asleep.
But I've been sleeping lately, because it's "good for me" or whatever. Because
I'm "burnt out and need to heal" or something.
Damnit why is it so much harder to stop snuggling someone than it is to pack
up a tent?
I'm like the guy in Hot Fuzz, that one really good movie about cops. oops cops
mentioned one second.
I'm always moving, but, I hardly ever seem to be able to get anything done.
Why is that? Is the work just... endless? Am I ever a slave to my
surroundings? Or am I just cursed with a mortal form, a form destined to toil
in whatever way it finds itself contextualized in?
Maybe I should just stop complaining. Maybe work is it's own reward or
whatever. I don't think I'm depressed anymore, although good luck getting me
to feel any emotions except focus, and the call to intercede on another's
behalf.
I don't have time for this. >.
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--- #158 fediverse/2803 ---
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│ CW: uspol-mentioned-surveillance-state-the-news │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-1201
I'm a wood fae! they're around, just gotta find 'em 🥰
(not really I'm just a person with no magical powers whatsoever, no siree
don't look at mee tehe)
people only have the context of their lives, as any historical precedent that
once was passed forth to the present by their ancestors and mentors is now
sharing space with the endless deluge of information from a small glass,
plastic, and metal box that saps both their attention and the magnitude of
anything they learn.
"so what if the planets on fire? somehow this actor who had an affair with
this other actor feels just as important. so what if there's fascism? I just
heard that whales can't swim in the ocean. oh, the city's burning? that's not
my burden, and plus it's just as important as these memes which don't make me
want to scream."
in the same way that some forest fae might have security through obscurity,
they wield information density against us as a weapon to hide their sins of
morality.
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--- #159 fediverse/2281 ---
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I'd be a terrible spy. Not only is my opsec something that someone needs to
teach me, I'm much too busy to implement things without their help. I am
unabashedly compassionate though, so just ask and I'll pour love from my heart.
But hey! There's always time to practice, each moment you can think "what kind
of a sign is this?"
Like a crazy person following the will of god, or a nature witch listening to
the wind in the trees.
What they often get wrong, and what they could be better at hearing, is that
signals are not signs unless they're out of the ordinary.
Trick is, if you're a spy, then you need to leave signals that are visible
enough to your quarry, but not to the stars.
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--- #160 fediverse/1293 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: fedi meta, the bad space, fediblock, misleading and untrue cw, uspol, speedrunning discourse, industrial revolution, aquarium tips │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-921
where tf is all this discourse I always hear about like what are ya'll talking
about
... are you talking about me
[silly intrusive thoughts teehee pay no mind]
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--- #161 fediverse/5704 ---
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we've been in a state of revolution for hundreds of years and you think it's
okay to just slack off?
[I'm resting]
[life is hard]
okay then don't psychically promise to be somewhere for something if you're
tired
[okay mom -.-]
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--- #162 fediverse/5698 ---
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you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
particular moment-event-message.
besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
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--- #163 fediverse/581 ---
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@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
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--- #164 fediverse/5919 ---
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"but... why?"
portable linux with buttons, great for pick-up-games or communication, can
throw several in them in a backpack if you want clustered cooperation, they
work as radios (if the signal reaches) and can transmit text (if you use a
radial-style keyboard)
[this is all just a pitch for... something, what, you want something? ha
you'll find no things with me, I know nothing of antifa or whatever]
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--- #165 messages/420 ---
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The ultimate goal of a prophet is to share that which they've learned with
people who have learned less. Such is the duty of any teacher. Alas, every
drug you inhale pulls you closer to a world where other people do drugs. Every
feeling you have, you (collectively) find yourself pulled toward that feeling
by just that little bit - all things are gravitic, even the thoughts and
feelings in your mind.
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--- #166 fediverse/6186 ---
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│ CW: cursed-maybe │
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people are afraid of robo dogs but... like...
robo-horses
centaurs even
[scary scary ogre]
rarrraaar i'm gonna eat ur bones
bwahahaha evil necromancer
ahhhhhhh scary
-- stack overflow --
did you know in the movie They Live they give a fairly specific formula to
creating the glasses themselves? I wonder if anyone's tried that
I wonder what they then did see
kinda wish big corporations would use their research division to like, rethink
the oldest of prophecies? or okay hear me out or solve difficult human problems
... ah but where's the profit "she's getting stoned at home"
meanwhile she made something of such beauty she felt simply sublime
I wonder what it'd feel like to get your spine replaced with a metal rod
I bet my posture would be amazing
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--- #167 fediverse/461 ---
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│ CW: alcohol-mentioned │
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I was raised in a jungle gym. Like... literally. I am not going to hurt you,
and if I did it'd be both a mistake and something that you could easily
recover from. We are infinitely adaptable, us humans, and we can address any
concerns that behest us. Behest? confront? something like that. Brb my blood
alcohol content is a little low. Also I haven't eaten anything today but
bacardi and chocolate chip cookies. I bet another cookie will solve this
problem.
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--- #168 messages/299 ---
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That feeling when you tell someone you're
[trans/autistic/schizophrenic/whatever] and you see the respect draining from
their eyes
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--- #169 notes/a-personal-narrative ---
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The Truth of Meth-Induced Schizophrenia... A personal narrative of a "mostly"
conscious human ---- /u/No-Arrival6018
/r/psychonaut
Your reality is what you make of it, once you take the mask off that hides the
pain, and you see this drug for what it truly is, then you can decide. Do you
let it take control? Descending into madness, psychosis, a self created loop in
time, a never-ending personal hell? Or do you transmute the negative energy
into your wildest dreams, self-love, or appreciation for the True Self to arise
and heal the wounds of your traumas that lay before you? It's a choice. Believe
me, I've been at the bridge between heaven and hell. I threw aside my pain, my
Ego, and leapt into the "Ocean of Love" (A.K.A Boundlessness) ... and decided I
was the one in control. The chains of slavery broke from my wrists, and I cried
out in tears of Joy, once more being able to look at my own reflection.... Her
eyes finally had light. The shadow of shame was gone.
I want to make a note: Hell is meth-induced Schizophrenia. There's a fine line
within the worlds of both Psychology and Spirituality. In Psychology, it is
Psychosis/Paranoia/Delusions etc.... But in Spirituality, It's called a
"Spiritual Crisis" ... which can happen with drugs, meditation, chanting, or
any altered state of consciousness. A spontaneous "awakening" so to speak. And
it can go really bad..... really fucking fast. If you experience this with
drugs it has a higher likelihood of shattering/fragmenting your personality,
creating different self states.... similar to Multiple-Personality disorder.
There is no reversing true Schizophrenia onset from drug abuse.... BUT, if you
have dabbled with any sort of real Psychedelics' such as Mushrooms, Mescaline,
or DMT, and understand the concept of "Ego-Death" with psychedelics..... you
can avoid Meth-Induced Schizophrenia. The whole experience changes, and becomes
a source of healing. It sounds crazy, and it sure as hell fucking is. But it's
real. And avoidable, if you have the tools and the knowledge.
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--- #170 fediverse/6236 ---
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I legitimately think everyone in my life is just as cool as me
they just... don't know how to know it.
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--- #171 messages/45 ---
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Description of me:
I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
in the dark - it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
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--- #172 fediverse/3491 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned │
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@user-620
"hey I have an idea let's poke a wounded animal with sharp teeth until it
feels like it's backed into a corner because it's been spending the past
couple years ruminating and telling itself that we want to kill it and it's
children"
it doesn't matter what the truth is - they believe what they want.
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--- #173 fediverse/4098 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned-ableism │
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ngl I kinda hate it when people meme about donald trump being incontinent
like, yeah, he pees his pants, so what? I DO TOO. Fucking sucks. Every time I
read people saying nasty things about it I can't help but read them in my own
voice, and that gives me plenty of ammunition to use against myself when I'm
feeling down.
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--- #174 fediverse/3975 ---
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@user-1631
for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
ideal.
... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
you toward people who "get" you.
like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #175 fediverse/4769 ---
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nobody ever tells me to stop, they just tell me to relax. to take care of
myself. to be whole and healthy. that kind of thing...
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--- #176 fediverse/1280 ---
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║ I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely │
║ reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird │
║ person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and │
║ rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic) │
║ │
║ but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I │
║ think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and │
║ dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we │
║ share. │
║ │
║ People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't │
║ really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it │
║ good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused? │
║ │
║ I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional │
║ arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in │
║ Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us. │
║ │
║ ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th │
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--- #177 fediverse/5119 ---
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we should treat computer production more like vehicles such as cars rather
than fast fashion disposable vapes and shiny and pretty concrete-and-glass
solarpunk houses.
also I believe cars should be entirely and completely mechanical. Even the
radio should be entirely analog. No capability for remote code execution if
there's no code being run...
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--- #178 fediverse/5450 ---
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"cool it with the psychic posting"
ha yeah okay. I still got some things to get through though. I bet someone
somewhere wants to see it.
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--- #179 fediverse/799 ---
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│ CW: scary │
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the government makes murder okay by framing the perpetrators
also prisons are concentration camps
and the people who are close to you are oppressing hunting you
racism etc is a sham to distract you
capital will never be relinquished
the internet was AI from the beginning
something beyond humanity demands our suffering
there cannot be proof of your fears - if it was proven, it would be
circumstances instead of fears
there's nothing [sorry gotta cut this off, my refrigerator is talking to me
again and I want to listen] - [huh that's weird I have no memory of the past
hour, best continue where I left off an hour ago -> go to {A}]a
schizophrenic who's never been diagnosed
{A} - yeah clearly all that I've been saying recently is just a fluke. Like,
just noise in the endless array of expression projected onto our communal
web-space. Clearly I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm not just cogent when
I'm drunk. Or more imaginative when I'm stoned. Clearly dreams are fake and
pursuing them is 1/?
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--- #180 notes/running-with-rifles ---
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this game is what we are missing
thank goodness for that
for if this is missing in our timeline
we'll be better off at last
we can have games, stories, and practice wars
but none of them are precious
precious implies worth
they are worth nothing but entertainment
no problem solving utility
nothing of value
save for perhaps the spatial awareness and strategization that comes
from being a part of such a deadly ba-lance.
anyway game time teehee just for me, don't worry about it I'll show
you why it's a HORRID THING
that won't be coming to our shores, no siree
bye
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--- #181 fediverse/222 ---
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│ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel
like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though.
why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear
at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to
ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice
the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon
not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh
heh sweats nervously
damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones
stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain
clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important
enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you
to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on
the internet.
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--- #182 fediverse/3756 ---
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│ CW: LLM-mentioned │
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@user-1071
I have plenty of things made, but none of it organized : (
Kinda makes me wish I could like... train an LLM on my social media posts and
use it programmatically somehow to help me organize my stuff into different
categories according to what kind of topic or style they were written in.
Hmmm......... There's no way I could do it, I mean, there's no way I could
organize and edit my stuff, but with the help of a computer I might.
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--- #183 fediverse/6302 ---
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I was going to go to location today, but then while I was considering going to
a different location before going to location I decided not to vacate my home
for today for reasons I don't understand but accept as natural and due to the
increased presence of directionless motion that guides and prevails me. which
is to say... I'm staying in tonight even though I really really wanna show off
my cute new outfit! I probably will do cannabis so there might be a
psycherwaul. If there isn't, then y'know it's probably because either my
girlfriend distracted me, or I managed to convince myself to move my feet
anyway. Maybe it's my outfit? I wonder if I could leave if I wore my old
clothes... ah well, questions for the vocal I guess. Gonna spend some time
divining and see if I can gather new insights. "brb door" except more like
"brb magic"
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--- #184 fediverse/5811 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned │
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only some people feel existential [peril/fear] at the concept of a trump
presidency.
I'm trans, I feel it so hard I considered sedition.
it felt like a reasonable reaction. probably just means I've been calibrated
to a certain level of revengeance through my knowledge of history and the arts.
I learned so much about systems, I saw the inextricable truth of the merits of
the design of capitolistic [shared societal conventions, but pronounced
"conventions"]. I also learned of what it means to wield ideology as a weapon
for mass power/cultural gains.
I see now that no matter the merits or faults of any system, power accretes in
the unworthy. They say this is because others they work with just don't want
to deal with them anymore. This isn't always true, in-fact with stronger bonds
the relationship is more secure [also true, but I said it earlier in the
sentence].
jeez, interrupt much?
anyway, as I was saying, [wasting characters]
okIlikewritngmastodonpostsitsagame2aimforzerocharactersrem
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--- #185 fediverse/2574 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health-mentioned-strategy-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
i've been pressured by some of my annoying fans to go visit the hospital today
because my hip is getting increasingly worse. so that's what I'll be doing
with the first half of the day.
but hey! it's tuesday! my favorite pizza place has a discount on tuesdays!
[suddenly 4-chan uses that tidbit of info the precisely calculate my
coordinates using the power of gps and autism]
also I realized "undivisible" isn't a word, doh. it's "indivisible"
jeeeeezzzzzzz
was a stupid name anyway, we can think of something better on the walk.
or drive, because logistics right?
if you're gonna be Litz Craig you wanna be fast, too. practice is nice and all
but wouldn't you rather face an un-entrenched foe?
... let's be real they've been entrenching for a long-ass time.
still, organization is critical for speed.
problem is traffic of course... its important to flood the streets so that our
allies know we're not fucking around.
None of my specifics are true 😅
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--- #186 fediverse/3437 ---
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│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
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@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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--- #187 fediverse/235 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: horror │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-192 there's a fine line between inoculating yourself to fear (like a
person taking small doses of poison to build up a resistance) and giving your
mind extra ammunition to use against you when the real terrors find you.
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--- #188 fediverse/1612 ---
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@user-1040
also, I miss most of the names and faces in this archive and I think it'd be
neat to say "oh yeah I remember them because it wasn't so long ago and it's
weird how they're not around these days but I forgot about them because their
profile pic changed or maybe they stopped using mastodon or whatever" - idk it
feels empty sometimes because your follow list is always growing, but the
number of people who post seems to always go down. Or maybe I just read
Mastodon at unfortunate times when there's nothing going on. Who can say
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--- #189 fediverse/2939 ---
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"you look like a mess who can't take care of herself"
oh haha that's because I'm a mess who can't take care of herself
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--- #190 fediverse/1131 ---
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@user-850
true T.T I forgot about physical ailments. Was mostly thinking about
interpersonal relationships because that's what's on my mind rn in my life.
@user-5
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--- #191 messages/546 ---
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I always disappear right when you need me the most because you're supposed to
take the next step.
The reason I do that is because...? You fill in the blanks. Tell me why I do
that. I know, and I want you to know, but I can't say it.
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--- #192 fediverse/6235 ---
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│ CW: personal-pics-mentioned │
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"hey what's up. can you borrow my phone for a bit? here's the password. you
can learn anything you want about me. I told all my socials that I'm away
until a secred code that only they know and me, so... ah nuts they're
definitely gonna forget that, focus on what you know"
... huh? no I'm just saying, if you want to get to know me, check out my
pictures on my phone
here's a read-only copy that you can annotate as you will. I got the originals
and their recipes on my computer at home. I recommend ms. paint for drawing
notes on them.
https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/output-pdf/output6.pdf
I'm an artist I make art but... not on purpose, it's just of me a part.
I fell asleep in a dream lately. I think I'm exhausted.
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--- #193 fediverse/3076 ---
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│ CW: re: uspol kvetching │
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@user-1443
they need to do stuff like that or else the republicans would never win...
which honestly is the most heartening thing I've heard all day.
there are more of us than them, thank goodness.
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--- #194 fediverse/3929 ---
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are you about to delete a post that you thought was funny, but actually wasn't
once you wrote it down and read it to yourself?
STOP
write it down on a post-it and put it under your desk or behind a drawer
put it in a .txt file in a random directory on your computer
send it as a text message to yourself
write it down, take a picture of it, and then burn the paper
y'know, typical stuff like that
do this and I guarantee you won't regret it
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--- #195 fediverse/2956 ---
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sometimes your best intuitions don't manage to manifest the goal you've been
pursuing. that's okay, it just means you need a different approach.
hopefully, with experience, you've had the chance to continually pay
attention. Thus, improve on things that were originally conceived of as
concessions.
much better, I find, to point your idea of "truth" toward what you believe in,
rather than what you've been working with. Such an approach allows for
continual re-examination, justified by thoroughly moral and ethical
conclusions that you hold to be true.
like, a form of reverse legalism, where the emotions compel while the law
tells the tale.
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--- #196 fediverse/3266 ---
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how many people do you think in the world know that screenshots of a website
are not admissible proof because they can be trivially doctored by editing the
html?
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--- #197 fediverse/3286 ---
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│ CW: suicide-mentioned │
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I hate how people think I'm mentally unhealthy.
I'm fine. I love myself.
[except all those times when you feel randomly suicidal for no reason at all.
Are you being like... hit with microwaves or something???]
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--- #198 fediverse/2991 ---
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okay so if yesterday was a
"everything sucks and I'm the worst ever"
type of day, and today is a
"whatever mom I don't even care"
type of day, that means tomorrow will be a
"I can't believe how absolutely absurd I am"
type of day, and the day after a
"I am indomitable nothing can stop me"
kind of day, with the following being wildcards
... right? here's hoping. I like that trajectory.
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--- #199 fediverse/4942 ---
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@user-1755
... I do that, but I do it because I want to find common subjects to talk
about. Or I think "if I was working on a project, who can I ask if I need
help?"
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--- #200 fediverse/383 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: linux? │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ If I'm trying to get a game or piece of software working, I'll pretty much │
║ install any package that some random post from 2017 tells me to. Sometimes it │
║ feels like I'm a Linux grandma clicking on things that say "bored of your │
║ marriage? click here for games!" and I say to myself "well my marriage is │
║ fine, but I enjoy horsing around from time to time" and then I get a virus and │
║ my things break and I go to my niece who's just a darling and say "hello │
║ niece, I can't check my emails anymore because I downloaded some spam, can you │
║ give me some tips on how to fix my computer?" and she just rolls her eyes │
║ because this is like, the fifth random package I downloaded just because some │
║ random forum poster that SAYS it's from 2017 but who I don't actually KNOW is │
║ from 2017 and isn't just some automated LLM output that tells you to │
║ downloaded automatically generated virus packages that are secretly snuck into │
║ the package repositories because nobody can keep track of ALL THIS STUFF │
║ anymore now that the internet is AI │
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