=== ANCHOR POEM === ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: Kinda lewd; half-joking; playful │ └──────────────────────────────────────────┘ @user-258 got it, so don't brush right after and drink water. Both of those sound like good ideas! I only brush my teeth when they feel weird and gross anyway, and after eating pickles they feel like I just went to the dentist. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/2082 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── I have bad teeth, but I smile anyway, because I want you to like me, but not for my teeth. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/359 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: Kinda lewd; half-joking; playful │ └──────────────────────────────────────────┘ @user-258 neat! explains why I haven't died from dehydration so far... Although my teeth are looking a little eroded from all the vinegar-acid : ) Dear teeth: some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make. At least with sugar you can brush and floss... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/3925 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── most people, when they run out of toothpaste: "oh huh I should buy more" me, when I run out of toothpaste: "verily in three monthes time, when I shall next possess toothpaste, I shall forsoothe brush TWICE as hard and TWICE as often, to make up for the holes inflicted upon my teeth. Innest addittioneth, no more candy shallest be eateneth untileth ye toothpasteth be acquiredeth" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/5609 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────── "I only clean my body when it gets dirty. Which is why I brush my teeth after every meal." - said the girl who brushes her teeth more than me ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/1722 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: food-mentioned │ └──────────────────────┘ harsh lessons of adulthood - sometimes food is not eaten for the taste, but rather for how it will make you feel slightly better in the next few days. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/4744 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: cat-mentioned │ └──────────────────────┘ me to my cat: "don't eat so much that you puke, okay?" me to me: "yeah I can take on another task, I'm almost done with this one and then I'll just do that one and maybe this one'll get back to me at the same time as this one which conflicts with this other thing so maybe I'll just puke, okay?" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/1175 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── I count 8 pickle jars in my fridge, of which about half have at least one pickle. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/4302 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: unreasonably-lewd-kinky │ └─────────────────────────────┘ "did you know in ancient rome they used to brush their teeth with urine because it was cheaper than toothpaste? It's true! We could really learn a lot from the old ways" - guy in the great depression with a piss fetish ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/3336 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: drugs-mentioned │ └──────────────────────┘ eating fiery hot cheetos makes me feel drunk. Probably because I only eat them when I'm drinking. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/2882 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: disordered-eating │ └───────────────────────┘ in regards to my food habits, PLEASE do as I say, not as I do. for your own sake. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/6313 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: scary-biomedical-cannabis-mentioned │ └─────────────────────────────────────────┘ replacement tooth which is basically just a port to your bloodstream to slowly diffuse THC / other medications into your body, bypassing the liver. "ah but people don't wanna replace their tooth" lotta people have crowns. isn't that similar? "ah but the tooth doesn't really touch the bloodstream" oh, oops. nevermind. wait, does it? I'm not a dentist!! ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┘ --- #12 fediverse/5613 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────── "I don't use toothpaste" said the girl whose teeth were naturally pale ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘ --- #13 messages/309 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────── sometimes I'll accidentally get food on my hands and think "oh gross is this why humans like to have napkins handy when eating?" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/3128 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: mental-health-disordered-eating │ └─────────────────────────────────────┘ I never should have bought these crackers. They trick me into thinking I'm eating something nutritious. But that's the case with any empty calories. but hey, calories are calories, right? I guess that's true. Still, I'd rather make something. oh would you now would you REALLY rather MAKE something ... I should rather. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/5539 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────── don't put dirty dishes in the sink you filthy animals put them on the counter NEXT to the sink [it's not arbitrary it's just better] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/3539 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: disordered-eating-food-mentioned │ └──────────────────────────────────────┘ @user-192 Good point it's sooooooo salty I have fond memories of eating a spoonful of that instead of making food back in college because... hey, it's got vegetables in it, right? turns out it's mostly just salt with flavor ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/661 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: alcohol │ └──────────────────────┘ it's usually good to have some beer on hand. Just in case someone else should need it. Same with a lot of things, like common medicines and dietary requirements. Frankly each of us should have a well-stocked pantry, tended to by a quartermaster who knew what held worth. But hey that's just team dynamics, what can I say that's with more mirth? [okay fine I'll be sillier, I promise] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/2511 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── my bike has been squeaking. I should be kinder with it when going over curbs. It's an old guy, older than I! ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #19 fediverse/3029 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: food-mentioned │ └────────────────────────┘ don't eat desert afterwards, there's enough sugar in this to delight a horse ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/2334 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── Brushing my teeth and then I'm hopping on my bike. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ |