=== ANCHOR POEM === ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: unreasonably-lewd-kinky │ └─────────────────────────────┘ "did you know in ancient rome they used to brush their teeth with urine because it was cheaper than toothpaste? It's true! We could really learn a lot from the old ways" - guy in the great depression with a piss fetish ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/141 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────── @user-135 if you're cringing at past behavior, then you've learned and grown enough to see the mistakes of the past in sharp contrast to your temperament in the present. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/360 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: Kinda lewd; half-joking; playful │ └──────────────────────────────────────────┘ @user-258 got it, so don't brush right after and drink water. Both of those sound like good ideas! I only brush my teeth when they feel weird and gross anyway, and after eating pickles they feel like I just went to the dentist. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/3316 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: medical-marijuana-mentioned-personal-health-mentioned │ └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ Considering the fact that medical care is so expensive, surely that means the expertise, labor, materials, and infrastructural capability to address people's health and well-being is in tight supply. meaning, for things I can understand and live with, I should avoid seeking help because those resources could be applied toward some cause that can't be lived with, or is not understood. If it doesn't cause distress, don't touch it. "babe you literally piss yourself on accident if you forget to go to the bathroom, what's your plan" oh um how kind of you to ask, uh, it's mostly just to close my ears and hope it goes away. like the weird thunder last night haha I'm pretty sure it wasn't raining but I might have just been stoned? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/4697 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── I want to pee in your pants and throw javelins at visions of bad guys while climbing on boulders and gazing to the horizon ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/5613 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────── "I don't use toothpaste" said the girl whose teeth were naturally pale ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/3717 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────┐ │ CW: mental-health-minus │ └─────────────────────────┘ hey, you know how historically they used to lobotomize young women who were too fiery, passionate, independent, driven, motivated, and clairvoyant? they did that on purpose. that was less than a lifetime ago. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/3462 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────┐ │ CW: mental-health-minus │ └─────────────────────────┘ "why didn't you say anything? why didn't you ask for help?" because then you might have done something about it, and don't you know I deserve to decay? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/2082 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── I have bad teeth, but I smile anyway, because I want you to like me, but not for my teeth. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/1334 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: TMI-medical-issue-thing-don't-worry-about-it │ └──────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ subconsciously running your hand over your butt every time you stand up to make sure you didn't pee your pants ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/322 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── And lo! She would forever be know As the girl who would smell Like she had pissed herself ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/359 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: Kinda lewd; half-joking; playful │ └──────────────────────────────────────────┘ @user-258 neat! explains why I haven't died from dehydration so far... Although my teeth are looking a little eroded from all the vinegar-acid : ) Dear teeth: some of you may die, but that is a sacrifice I am willing to make. At least with sugar you can brush and floss... ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/4955 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────── "say superfluous on a social media post rn so I know it's you" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/5539 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────── don't put dirty dishes in the sink you filthy animals put them on the counter NEXT to the sink [it's not arbitrary it's just better] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/2044 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── honestly I think everyone should have two mastodon accounts - one for people you like, and one for people you trust (I have one) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/4901 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────── "hey what if we broke our product and made it impossible to use without being caught by github" - computer touchers in a union ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/2307 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── "If you can't find it, you don't have it" ugh I know, me-from-the-past, now shut up and tell me where my USB-C cable is. I have like 4 how did I hide them so good when packing ? ? ? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #17 messages/77 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── And lo! She would forever be know As the girl who smelled Like she had pissed herself ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 fediverse/3925 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── most people, when they run out of toothpaste: "oh huh I should buy more" me, when I run out of toothpaste: "verily in three monthes time, when I shall next possess toothpaste, I shall forsoothe brush TWICE as hard and TWICE as often, to make up for the holes inflicted upon my teeth. Innest addittioneth, no more candy shallest be eateneth untileth ye toothpasteth be acquiredeth" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #19 fediverse/4678 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: AI-mentioned-crimes-mentioned-penises-mentioned │ └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ "Hi chatGPT, can you take every post that I make on the fediverse and replace all instances of criminal acts with references to fruit and all locations with several sentences of poetry about horses and their beautiful cocks?" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┘ --- #20 notes/utopian-fiction --- ═════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── But the past is boring, it already happened after all! Clearly there's nothing to be learned... Right? Seems like there's a big market out there for examining what we as a species did right, even if we had to sacrifice ethics to get there. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ |