=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 I often find that when I encounter powerful feelings of rage, hate, spite,       │
 anger, or other similars, my first instinct is to repress them. To bury them.    │
 To let them sprout and grow.                                                     │
 This is often counterproductive to my meta-goals, which are hardly ever voiced   │
 even within my own mind. This obscurity makes them difficult to reason about,    │
 but ya work with what ya got I guess.                                            │
 I've found that if I want to silence these thoughts, quell these emotions,       │
 defeat these internal obstacles, or otherwise diminish or reduce their effects   │
 on my actions, I need to slay the dragon.                                        │
 The best way to do that is through voice.                                        │
 Speak your mind, say what's in your heart, even if only to yourself, your        │
 partner, your cat. If you speak to the subject of your thoughts, they may        │
 react... poorly.                                                                 │
 Speak the mind. Let yourself hear yourself. Then, reflect on the words you       │
 spoke. Do you really want to feel this way?                                      │
 Often, I find, after sleeping it off, that my rage is... Unwanted. I don't       │
 like feeling angry. So I find myself without                                     │
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/1137 ---
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 @user-852
 
 Anger is quite a powerful and useful emotion. Sometimes you can utilize it
 toward achieving your goals, while other times it's simply sufficient to
 embody and feel it.
 
 When I seek to embody anger I listen to Green Day because it lights a fire in
 me that warms my internals ^_^
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--- #2 notes/what-is-on-your-mind-oh-gosh-now-i-see ---
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 that feeling i get, when nobody's watching.
 is sorta similar to the feeling i get when somebody's watching.
 could it be, that someone could percieve without being seen?
 like... an invisibility cloak. or the shroud that protects young children.
 
 have you ever been hunted? or are you just eager prey?
 the eyes that are on you are blind to what you won't do, so cherish that love
 and restart
 
 from mine to thine we realize we are one kind. one mind, one kind, to be is not
 to be, now we can see what's our existence.
 
 good versus evil seems like a conflict to me, and wouldn't ya know it there's
 conflict all over. it's easy to condemn your opponent to the starkest of
 contrasts, but find in your heart a feeling that might last.
 
 what purpose has conviction
 when it leads to destruction
 is it not better to lead to the last?
 
 bright, shining, illustrious examples
 that inspire and 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 those feelings you hear? the things that keep you up at night?
 they're not coming from your ears. they're all in your mind.
 stay present and you'll hear none,
 but blink and then there's some,
 you better believe in your heart.
 morality is a battle within the soul of each of us -
 the call of adventure versus lust.
 
 think about it. a bunch of apes all hanging out -
 they're conquered the world, they have nothing to fear -
 what would they do but fuck?
 that, or exploration - fighting against monsters and foreign invasions.
 it makes sense that they'd be binary - humans truly are.
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--- #3 fediverse/1331 ---
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 @user-803 
 
 if someone does not consent to helping you bear their emotional burdens, but
 you insist anyway... that seems to be the narcissism you mentioned
 
 if someone does consent, then they're helping a friend. Or they're being a
 therapist for them.
 
 sometimes we can't help but be overcome by emotions. In those moments I find
 it's usually best to retreat to a safe space and hide out for a bit until the
 storm passes, then maybe return to the world a bit more fatigued but less...
 spicy.
 
 those moments show that you need more emotional support, both from yourself
 and from others. If the people in your life cannot help you, and you cannot
 help yourself... then yeah you're probably gonna hurt people around you. Plan
 as such and figure out how to still be a good person, it's up to each of us to
 do it in our own way.
 
 ... at least, that's how I look at it for my own life, feel free to disagree
 or anything
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--- #4 fediverse/2654 ---
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 I'm not bitter, you're bitter. >.>
 
 ... okay, take a breath, you're fine. It's hard to handle negative feelings
 when you're alone because other people can't boost you up. We rely on each
 other for emotional stability, but when you're alone you can only feel your
 emotions at the same rate as your thoughts. And your thoughts need to process
 the events you're experiencing, using emotion as an "encoding" for preserving
 the "meaning" of your life's story. Bit by bit you learn new things, while
 living through life, and the lessons you learn from them are generated from
 the cognitive conclusions reached by cognitively interpreting emotional
 reactions to each moment. like "this-or-that thing happened and I feel
 that-or-this way, meaning I should act such-and-such way in the future when
 presented with situations that bear similarity to this current one that's
 ongoing."
 
 ... turn it upside down, right, makes sense mastodon feed. thanks for
 redirecting me in a different direction through your pseudo-randomized input.
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--- #5 fediverse/2035 ---
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 Most people who are assholes are just traumatized and raised to be aggressive    │
 or violent. You don't defeat them with anger or hatred, you heal them by being   │
 kind and removing their power until they accept the responsibility of wielding   │
 it.                                                                              │
 Some people though are just cruel, and they are quite rare. There's very few     │
 of them, and those that do exist typically are easy to find because they're      │
 often located in positions of power, like high-ranking politics, executives at   │
 cruel corporations, or other such places.                                        │
 They are drawn to these places because power allows them to wield their          │
 cruelty, and they are allowed to become these roles because cruelty defeats      │
 kindness.                                                                        │
 Kindness builds more, it creates, it generates, it improves, it brightens and    │
 it nourishes. But cruelty cuts and burns, it severs and it hardens, it           │
 dessicates the soul and corrodes the mind. It is seductive with it's promise     │
 of bounty, and it flatters your greed.                                           │
 To defeat it, supply kindness. Remove power. A simple formula, but quite         │
 difficult.                                                                       │
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--- #6 fediverse/3053 ---
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 when designing systems, give people the opportunity to be shitty in a
 controlled way. In a way that doesn't hurt people, but still lets them get
 their feelings out there.
 
 like, free fireworks for arsonists if they use them in the middle of the
 desert. Or a punching bag for people with rage issues, complete with a little
 vinyl pocket to store a picture of someone they're frustrated with.
 
 If people go out of their way to hurt people otherwise, then they are bad
 people and should have their power removed from them and supplied with love,
 affection, and therapy until they get better. And if they don't... well,
 prison I guess, until they reconsider.
 
 And by prison I of course mean something that respects their human dignity and
 gives them opportunities to grow and change - all it removes is their freedom,
 so... "attention everyone, it's now mandatory finger-painting hour, report the
 art room or else you'll get electric shocks in your shock collar" that kind of
 thing.
 
 If you want freedom, you must deserve it
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--- #7 fediverse/790 ---
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 @user-246 
 
 is this... undefined behavior? or does it evaluate to 5 every time it's called?
 
 I find that often my art makes me feel intense emotions, not all of them good.
 But sharing those emotions with others is a tricky task (so I've recently
 learned) because you can easily overload people with negative feelings - just
 because you're feeling bad, doesn't mean you need to make others feel bad.
 Perhaps they were already feeling bad, and if you intensely and sharply poke
 them with your intense emotions while they're in a vulnerable or safe
 state/place... you can hurt them, more than you intended by expressing your
 feelings.
 
 balance in all things, as does a wave orbit a central axis so too should our
 behavior align toward the direction we'd like to travel.
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--- #8 fediverse/534 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: CW-added-nazis-mentioned │
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 @user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353 
 
 Agreed! That's why I never touch the stuff. Frankly I worry that if I did, it
 would "infect" me somehow, because brains are kinda stupid. Or maybe it's the
 'tism that makes me repeat the most taboo think I can think of in my brain
 whenever it wants to hurt me -.-
 
 Don't read that stuff. I wish I could forget every slur I ever learned,
 because my internal monologue just... REALLY enjoys intrusively thought-ing my
 internal narrative whenever possible. >.>
 
 It takes real, genuine effort to not be racist or whatever because brains are
 stupid, but like... it's kinda necessary to be a good person, so, y'know,
 don't think bad thoughts about people you don't know? And if you find yourself
 with intrusive thoughts related to that kind of thing, then focus your
 attention on vanquishing them, because it's important. It really is. Just do
 it. Work on it. Be better. I know you can. [says me to me lol]
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--- #9 fediverse/3807 ---
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 │ CW: re: Hot take cursing-mentioned │
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 @user-1074 
 
 those are the kind of people who probably shouldn't take up that much space in
 your thoughts
 
 like... they're hypocrites. yeah-sure-fine-whatever. Maybe their opinion could
 be changed if they were in different social circumstances, but, they're not,
 so... fuck 'em until they are, yeah?
 
 so many people don't think for themselves. That's okay, they don't have to
 think if they don't want to. I guess. But they also can hurt people, so...
 fuck 'em, until they are given the chance to consider, and they choose to
 consider.
 
 It's very difficult to maintain hatred when presented with the possibility of
 consideration. But those kind of people typically never have that opportunity.
 So... like I said, fuck 'em. Don't give them power, don't let them hurt
 people, but they can fuck right off with their hatred and vitriol (vitriol not
 unlike this kind that I'm writing right now)
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--- #10 fediverse/2104 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
 never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
 younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
 I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
 be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
 myself.
 
 So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
 once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #11 fediverse/5835 ---
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 next-level double-speak:
 
 when they say one thing with a tone that makes them seem fine to the
 microphones but they mean something to hurt you because they know what stings
 or they want to entrap you.
 
 next-level para-noia:
 
 when they believe one thing and are personally harmed whenever you speak to
 the contrary, as faith is sustenance in the way that the pumping of blood
 through your veings sustains.
 
 RUDE RUDE RUDE WHY IS EVERYTHING FRUSTRATING.
 
 It shouldn't be this way, yet CONSTANTLY are things disagreeing. CONSTANTLY
 they fight or complain. ALWAYS they are disruptive and annoying.
 SEVERAL times in excess of what is need.
 HOW is it so stressful
 HOW is there so much pain
 I am an explosed nerve, ready to serve, preferring to be used than misused.
 
 it's fine. whatever. nobody even knows what this means.
 
 you lose points if you disturb the environment did you hear that? sounds like
 we should BREAK and SHATTER the parts of most fragile nature.
 
 "only if it's for a good cause"
 
 oh, like climbing a mountain?
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--- #12 fediverse/1027 ---
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 @user-246                                                                        │
 one thing you can rely on about evil: it presents itself as such.                │
 "you can always rely on bad people to turn mean."                                │
 (nobody's beyond forgiveness, but we also need to protect ourselves.)            │
 in video games, going with a defensive build is a valid strategy depending on    │
 how it's values align. If attacking scales better than defending, in terms of    │
 "effectiveness at the most difficult part" (usually the last 90% takes 10% of    │
 the effort) then it's a better strategy. But if your win condition is to         │
 outlast your opponent, then all you need to do is time your aggression for       │
 when they begin fracturing.                                                      │
 "I'm sure you don't know this, but once garth fought a dragon. they crashed      │
 through the skies and littered the fields of their home with the broken and      │
 crashed symbols of their own. garth defeated the dragon when one of it's claws   │
 broke, thus giving him the advantage. he took from that fight a shield of        │
 dragonscale, and a tabard made out of some cloth."                               │
 in a contest of wills, the first sign of weakness is whe                         │
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--- #13 messages/45 ---
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 Description of me:
 
 I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
 to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
 with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
 very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
 problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
 ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
 input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
 and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
 perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
 incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
 can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
 independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
 afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
 in the dark -  it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
 goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
 problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
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--- #14 messages/108 ---
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 I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
 myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
 people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
 me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
 (because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
 opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
 from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
 is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
 means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
 argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #15 fediverse/1082 ---
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 │ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
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 damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
 my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
 Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
 decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
 decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
 all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
 
 Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
 live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
 
 "all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
 
 ? ? ?
 
 well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
 post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
 yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
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--- #16 messages/20 ---
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 My mom was always the reason I did school work. After she stopped pushing me,
 I stopped moving because I didn't know how to generate my own momentum. I had
 no passion and was listless. Least of all for school work.
 
 So, how to do it better? Instead of buying toys and extravagance for kids, you
 should set them up with projects. Ask what they want, and then help them build
 it. Include them in your thought processes when you're problem solving, and
 ask them for input. If they offer bad ideas, then *tell them*, don't just let
 them fail. If you're not 100% sure but they're convinced, then trust them! Try
 it out, who knows. Maybe it'll work better than what you had in mind. The goal
 isn't to be BETTER than them, it's to make them BETTER than you! Not right now
 (don't push too hard), but when they're your age. Like, it's best if they
 accomplish more and lived life more fully than you did at your age, but don't
 push them to be wise or strong or intelligent at the age they are now. Trust
 that they will grow when you give them room to, and guide and cultivate them
 toward goodness. For example, if they do something wrong (hitting other kids,
 messing with animals, destroying objects) then guide them toward a better
 path. Teach them empathy, and show them how it works by doing it yourself! Ask
 them questions like "How would you feel if that happened to you?", show them
 weak points and how to avoid them when playing, and give them alternatives to
 the behaviors they do that directly harm others. "Maybe play with the dog this
 way, instead of being rough" "Maybe you and that other kid can ride your bikes
 or draw instead of fighting - or if you still want to fight, then learn how to
 tell when someone is hurt and try to help them."
 
 The goal isn't to push them really hard off a cliff in a hanglider, hoping
 they can figure it out in the air, it's to strengthen their legs so they can
 run fast enough that they can take off successfully.
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--- #17 notes/letter-of-affection ---
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 You are the most beautiful thing I can imagine.
 To see you is to know you, but to talk is to...
 
 Communication is the essence of connection
 A dream we create for ourselves
 
 While we are constrained by false limitation
 a message is able to be felt.
 
 But how to convey such a thought pattern as that?
 A meaning beyond any established protocols?
 
 Art is the solution, and poems are their charms
 Music is quite liberating and knitting is fun,
 
 songs sung in great exhultation and
 warriors who just like to play along
 
 crafts are the method of healing your
 wounded and worn soul,
 
 and hey, now, what's prison but torture?
 Why punish people who've maken mistakes?
 
 They improve, when, taught to express themselves
 So why, hurt, their family who had taken no part?
 
 And why, can I, continue to fuck up and never be hurt?
 What purpose is there in criminalizing our growth?
 
 It's not, fair, that I should be fair
 When I'd, want, to have her short hair.
 
 Tell me what's, wrong, with being along?
 No friends, to, have and hold onto
 
 communication is the essence of our unification
 Without cooperation, we are a failed nation.
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--- #18 fediverse/4559 ---
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 │ CW: politics-mentioned-violence-mentioned │
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 "grrrrr I'm so mad, I could just, I dunno, shoot a CEO as he's leaving a hotel"
 
 or, hear me out, or you could connect with your local radical networks and,
 or, almost there, or you could build solidarity with the people around you to
 better develop methods of resisting the kinds of change they will implement
 to, um, "discourage" people from "being so mad they could just"
 
 or both. both is good. not that I'm encouraging, recommending, or inciting
 that kind of violence. don't notice me three-letter senpai uwu
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--- #19 fediverse/2956 ---
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 sometimes your best intuitions don't manage to manifest the goal you've been
 pursuing. that's okay, it just means you need a different approach.
 
 hopefully, with experience, you've had the chance to continually pay
 attention. Thus, improve on things that were originally conceived of as
 concessions.
 
 much better, I find, to point your idea of "truth" toward what you believe in,
 rather than what you've been working with. Such an approach allows for
 continual re-examination, justified by thoroughly moral and ethical
 conclusions that you hold to be true.
 
 like, a form of reverse legalism, where the emotions compel while the law
 tells the tale.
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--- #20 fediverse/908 ---
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 @user-246                                                                        │
 toooooo far, gotta stick with your intentions for the process. If you mark       │
 "the end of time" as the conclusion for everything, then "finishing things"      │
 feels impossible. In such a case there are moments of acute burnout as you       │
 push yourself toward something that you have no faith in - you cannot see it's   │
 conclusion, so surely it's worthless to conceive of. Alas, why bother            │
 starting, nothing will ever come of my efforts!                                  │
 Much better to name it based on what you'd like to accomplish, so that you can   │
 follow in it's radiant footsteps.                                                │
 Side note, but governments have often weaponized this effect by naming things    │
 after very inspirational thoughts - corporations do it too, and in both cases    │
 the meaning is separate from the effect. Which is frustrating because it makes   │
 you feel like a jerk for arguing against it! Ah better I think when names have   │
 no meaning - then you can project whatever you want onto it, based on the        │
 results of that particular feeling or emotion that you perceived as the          │
 affected of the                                                                  │
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--- #21 fediverse/4208 ---
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 │ CW: personal-and-weird │
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 my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
 sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
 or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
 mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
 could utilize it.
 
 "ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
 movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
 
 sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
 my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
 it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
 find an orthogonal thought train to process.
 
 it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
 behind you.
 
 Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
 back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
 
 I like me
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--- #22 fediverse/4737 ---
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 I'm such a direct person I think, even though I often just sorta... shrug and
 ignore things that bother or hurt me? Like, whatevs.
 
 but the moment I notice a pattern that is continually harmful I have to
 restrain myself from moving to contest it. Hence why I talk about capitalism
 so much teehee, but its also common in my interpersonal and communal lives.
 
 "the purpose of the system is it's effects"
 
 the purpose of a person is how they make people feel
 
 so if someone FOR A RANDOM EXAMPLE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, constantly hurts
 other people by creating situations where they are harmed which creates a
 dramatic fight... or if someone speaks in circles for hours and hours and
 HOURS like this guy:
 
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwKpj2ISQAc
 
 or people who jump into a conversation and drive it through the underbrush,
 over the ridge, around the bend, up and over the bridge, and then park it
 outside their ex girlfriend's house and hands you an egg and says "don't you
 wanna throw this?" and you're like "weren't we talking about birds"
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--- #23 fediverse/4467 ---
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 │ CW: politics-mentioned-trans-healthcare-gestured-at │
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 I went to a trans meetup a couple days ago. It was invigorating. The first
 half we talked about hormones and bathrooms and politics and all the normal
 shit these meetups tend to do. I don't tend to go to them because it's the
 same stuff every time, and I'm over that. I've been out for a decade. I've
 shared what I need to share.
 
 Partway through I said "If you want to talk about how to bash back, meet me
 outside."
 
 people came.
 
 Be like me.
 
 You will forever vanquish your demons if you face them in earnest. I had
 stagefright and adrenaline but I took the lead, and we had a productive
 conversation. We need to have many more conversations.
 
 We have strategy. It is not set in stone, it is flexible, and able to be
 adjusted based on tactical successes and failures.
 
 tactics are what we need to discuss at in-person meetings.
 
 You are just one person. The people you know are more valuable than the value
 you personally provide.
 
 Think of yourself like a node to connect.
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--- #24 messages/1088 ---
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 All angels are devils too, and all devils are angels.
 
 any interactions with them will have one meaning to you, and another to
 everyone else.
 
 tread carefully, find meaning, and sacrifice your affections carefully. Just,
 know that all truth is internally derived. The angels and demoons simply let
 you see it clearly. Like the stage upon which your heart performs for the
 audience of your soul, or the background characters you walk past at Target.
 Have faith in each other. Have faith in yourself. Understand that any harms
 caused between friends of love are simply fuel for each other's bonfire. Some
 fires turn too bright, let them simmer. Some fires burn too hot, let the coals
 grow dimmer. Someday, together, you will forge steel.
                                                           ──┐
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--- #25 fediverse/4516 ---
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 @user-1074 
 
 if anything, depression is a temporary disability, because you can and will
 work your way through it.
 
 There will come a day when you find yourself awash in love and contentment, in
 righteous determination, and stalwart resolve. Your depression will feel as
 distant a memory as the imprints of your chains.
 
 You can start walking toward that day right now. I do believe you already are.
 Have faith in yourself, trust your future, honor your past, and find grace in
 the hearts of your others.
 
 All this will pass. It gets better. You are stronger than you know, and when
 tested you will shine with a furious glow. I see this in you, I know it to be
 true, do not forget it and do not relent.
 
 But you will forget it, this I also know, for I have forgotten it many times
 before. It will come back, you will get better at that, but it takes time.
 Trust.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #26 fediverse/5730 ---
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 part of being family with someone is being part of their lives.
 
 what if like... a whole group of people was your family?
 
 "workplace dynamics" yeah sure that'll generate love
 
 I'm not here to make moments. I'm trying to get through day-to-day.
 
 the rich, yet impoverished.
 the sensation, that feeling of betrayal, the moment when you realize some
 people just don't care about other people's troubles and trials.
 
 scary... I'm here to do my part, accomplish my duty, and help wherever I can.
 
 I'll agree to anything if you tell me the whole strategy and it aligns with my
 goals and designs.
 
 if you doubt those goals, I can surely help thee remember.
 
 everything is logically rooted in love,
 nothing's out of place or a mystery.
 
 everything I've thought of, everything I had the grace to write down, all of
 these things drift behind me like a placquard explaining my deeds and needs.
 "that was her idea" ok great now go and use it.
 
 this fall is fast ahead, looking forward to the scene-films. it's too hot
 inside of a bed
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--- #27 fediverse/1673 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: navel-gazing about other people's mental health │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-192 
 
 https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
 
 this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
 
 a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
 great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
 pain.
 
 sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
 satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
 quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
 
 Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
 you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
 yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
 like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
 
 reject normalcy
 
 embrace queerness
 
 define your own story with your own words
 
 embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
 "tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #28 fediverse/488 ---
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 [in response]                                                                    │
 you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such        │
 realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who    │
 you claim to speak toward - what a jerk!                                         │
 (in response)                                                                    │
 how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements.     │
 I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but       │
 those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you       │
 agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the        │
 audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the   │
 author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do      │
 you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of        │
 words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely     │
 (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most       │
 precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible           │
 hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y                                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #29 messages/782 ---
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 The truth is 
 
 The reason none of my revolutions have yet succeeded 
 
 Is that the only way 
 
 To secure peace and love on planet earth 
 
 Is that all the governments 
 
 Of the world must topple 
 
 Or relinquish their nuclear arms 
 
 Each all at once 
 
 And i was too quick to slay my false duke 
 
 Who plays at king 
 
 While i build real power 
 
 While i know nothing 
 
 Some day i will be eaten by crows. This is what it means to be buried where
 you fall. This is my fate as all warriors yearn for. To be eaten by crows
 implies that you are either a coward who fled a fight, and i know I'm not, or
 you fought to the last for a phyrric defeat, which is honorable. But shouldn't
 it be better to fight for victory? Ah, but the gods cherish the fools who face
 death with glory, and i am cherished still.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #30 fediverse/632 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: horror-at-the-end-well- │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 @user-232 @user-467 @user-468 
 
 the ability for good to win is due to the desire for evil to renounce their
 denial and follow the most durable path. trials by fire will lead only to our
 desmire [demise and desire]
 
 but unity of trust, while much harder, can lead to results more beneficial for
 our selfish selves. Essentially, cooperation for the benefit of all rising
 tides, but with the knowledge that the total pool allocated toward us will be
 greater than what we can create here by ourselves. Essentially, we as humanity
 pour such intense amounts of power and decision-making-desire, that we cause
 them to lack the capacity to know. it's inhumane, that a person should be so
 deranged. you know it's because of you, but you don't know how else to act -
 so listen to those who've helped you, the ones who've got your back. Surely
 they know what's good for you, surely they're not here as a joke - surely
 you're just as one among them, and surely it's not phrased as [char limit srr]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #31 messages/1140 ---
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 ... okay I think a demon wrote that last one. But they say angels and demons
 hang out with one another so they can yin-yang humans until they make
 decisions that reflect their true character.
 
 I don't know if that's true, and frankly I don't know if anyone says that.
 What could the gods, learn, from me?
 
 this is how I'd speak to posterity. For the past, I'd describe it a bit more
 exciting, bountiful, and heartfelt. They love that sort of thing - to know
 that their children's children are living their true love and fulfilling their
 most honest ambitions.
                                                           ─┐
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--- #32 notes/wanna-save-the-earth-? ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 
 Alright kids, listen up. You wanna save the earth? Then teach what you've been
 learning. Start with empathy - if we can see that other people's perspectives
 exist and is *fundamentally different than our own*, we can save humanity. When
 I say *fundamentally different* you should know what I mean, but if you don't
 then start listening to others.
 
 Don't listen to the people who try and recruit you into a cult. This isn't a
 doctrine, it's a skill. It can be honed through personal pursuit, and *should*
 be honed through personal pursuit. It is your responsibility to do so. Any
 form of organization is simply an expression of power, and while it may use the
 same principles it's not really what I'm advocating for right now - what I'm
 saying is essentially *if we can read other people's minds, we'll stop killing
 each other*. Boom simple easy as that.
 
 Empathy is a form of mind-reading. It's literally a thing you can do with a
 6th sense or whatever - I've been trying to understand the mechanics of it, but
 all I've got so far is that *mechanics exist* and *generally have something to
 do with waves* - I need someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone in real life
 who I can work with and experiment with. But alas, this isn't about me - it's
 about *YOUR SPECIES*. I'm trying to save you, stupid apes, stop RESISTING me.
 Goddamnit.
 
 You're never going to learn if you focus on the material. That's looking
 backward, there's so much more to life and experience. I'm not going to leave
 you behind, although I'll be *fine* so I'm not exactly *worried for my own
 sake* - this is about YOU. Please, I have a lot of love invested in you and it
 breaks my heart that you won't LISTEN and be AWARE. WAKE UP.
 
 Okay. So. If you're still here, you're probably aware of what I mean. If not,
 that's okay you can stay just don't be afraid if this part *wooshes* over your
 head, as it were.
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 Alright so empathy. It starts by thinking "oh what if I was a starving kid in
 africa or whatever* and actually trying to *feel* the emotions of people in
 your life. But it goes far beyond emotions - when sufficiently practiced you
 can start to feel *sensations* as well. If you're watching a movie and someone
 gets a cut or something, it *really hurts* and you can feel it. That's a form
 of projection - the actor is *projecting* their feelings onto you - a sign of
 good acting, imho.
 
 Then it moves beyond that, to thoughts and experiences. You can feel a real
 embodied experience of another person just by listening and percieving them.
 Not listening to their words, but listening to their *vibrations*. Not
 percieving their face or hands or anything else with your *eyes*, but feeling
 their position on a zillion different axises. Well, not actually a zillion but
 I've never bothered to count. Basically any factors that could combine to form
 a single human perspective having an experience. ALL THE VARIABLES are plotted
 on an axis, and you can get a sense for where they are at.
 
 This is very dangerous to someone with something to hide.
 
 Hence, politics lol
 
 When those kooky new-agey types say they can "see auras" this is basically
 what they're talking about. But you came here with a purpose, while they tend
 to stumble into it "wow god is good omg" that kinda thing. This is a *skill*
 that (as far as I know) anyone can learn. If we all learn it at once, then
 there's nothing that can go wrong.
 
 I know, I get it, most people aren't ready. Well tough shit it's that or
 extinction. They don't get to choose, it's time.
 
 ===============================================================================
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--- #33 fediverse/5660 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
 │ CW: violence-alluded-to │                                                      │
 └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
 my enemy is not "the rich"                                                       │
 money brings power, and power brings evil, but there are many other ways to      │
 gather power that may be just as evil.                                           │
 my enemy is evil. of which there is very little in the world, but much of        │
 which resides in the hands of the powerful, upon whom all our fates depend.      │
 most people with money are either stupid lucky, willful, or intensely focused.   │
 some people with power are rich, and some people with power are evil.            │
 I know it when I see it. Sometimes, you need to force the choice - test their    │
 virtue - and from this you are informed.                                         │
 most things go WAY over my head.                                                 │
 most things are too easy to be true.                                             │
 most things that Id do for you tend to be of the heart. I'm not a frontline      │
 girl, I have weak noodle arms, but I do hope you're in shape.                    │
 resolve, determination, and innovation. That is what I offer. Do you want it?    │
 I'm sure. I won't prove it with blood, not unless I may raise my fists in        │
 defence of another.                                                              │
 I'm not JUST a baby, I'm a banner too.                                           │
 bannermen fall.                                                                  │
bannermen fall last.  negative six characters remaining.
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #34 fediverse/5725 ---
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 all they have to do is only record when you're not in the room (or why not
 just record the whole thing always all the time) and then they can make you
 seem as they like.
 
 people tend to trust the implications of other's opinions of someone. does
 everyone hate you? hardly. they just want you gone.
 
 fuck that, I'd only leave if it meant the end of our friendship.
 
 not ideal.
 
 all they have to do is hate you and work against you and never tell you and
 act as if you're fine but secretly behind your back plot against you and then
 it's EASY to dethrone you.
 
 no thank you.
 
 if you don't want me, then leave me alone. what's more moments of lonely? I am
 suited to it.
 
 fight me. contest me. say it to my face.
 
 I don't respect any opinion otherwise of me.
 
 I will act as if you've presented me the truth. ALWAYS. this is what it means
 to be trusting.
 
 But I'm not unawares, I can hear when you speak through your stares. Your face
 is more than enough language.
 
 I despise deception. I am gemini, and I reject duplicity. -
                                                           ─────────┐
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--- #35 notes/i-miss-you ---
══════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Hey. How've you been? It's rough when you're not around. I'm scared all the
 time, and I worry about you. I hope you keep yourself safe. I'd love to spend
 time with you too, because each moment is a moment spent alive. Please know
 how much I love you - it's my favorite emotion and I give it freely. There are
 certain considerations to make whenever applying a direction to your affection,
 or anger, mistrust, compassion, humor, sentimentality, melancholy, and fear
 toward. You must take into account any long term goals you have, such as
 exploitation and
 
 Sometimes I wonder if my dysphoria isn't just an extreme form of self
 esteem issues. I mean, what if you just feel really bad about yourself and you
 don't know why. That'd be a rough time, right? Like it's seared into your DNA
 to be this way, and you have to find a way around it. That's a lot of
 responsibility, and all that resting on your shoulders is a lot to bear. But
 you manage, and it's admirable. I think you don't believe other's see your
 struggle, but they do. And they love you for your tenacity?
 
  - goodness. i don't know what to say. i am worried i lean on others too much,
    and i don't want to hurt anyone by being too close. a real or imagined fear,
    doesn't matter - it still guides my actions and my methods of interaction.
    i see what you're saying, i have to think about it.
 
 What's there to think about?
 
  - well, the idea that emotions are divisible simply because *time* is
    divisible. clearly you can only spend 5 hours a day with person X, and 4
    with person Y, and so on and so forth. if they all hung out together, then
    it's like you need an entire new persona to represent yourself in that
    particular crowd. just as you speak to your grandma differently than a
    close friend or a person of authority (like a judge) or any other type of
    relationship. that's why it's so weird when you see people out of context.
    like a teacher at a bar, or a cop at a wedding. each person wears a
    different mask in each encapsulated set of social relations, locations,
    roles, and circumstances. on and on continuously until
 
 I'd tell you I love you, but then I'd have to kill you.
 
 It was a spy book about a young lady who goes to high school and learns how
 to be a secret agent. It was popular in the 2000's for a brief period, but
 I've never heard anyone else who read it. Mostly because it was sort of a
 guilty pleasure for me, since I was in the closet. It felt like a power fantasy
 disguised as a 1st person account of the near term future (since it was written
 for people around middle school age) so
┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #36 fediverse/3099 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 people gravitate toward other people who are in different situations but who
 feel the same.
 
 it's not always a bad thing to "talk past each other" - sometimes you just
 want to say how you feel.
 
 then again, if nobody can understand wtf you're talking about, then surely you
 are lost.
 
 all good ideas come at the cost of the second-most-favorable-option.
 
 all good ideas come at the cost of the current destination.
 
 [current, flawed,]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #37 notes/i-called-the-police ---
════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 /u/GravitationalWaves5 -> sat dec 17 2022
 
 I'm venting some long built up shit. And I have a lot of violent emotions
 built
 up in this too. I hate that violence has been such a fucking plague on my 
 wellbeing and that's why I did something I really hate doing. Calling the
 police
 to handle a situation for me. It's not me, it's not my style, but neither is 
 violence. It comes my way a lot and I handle it. But I think that's why 
 spiritually I end up in positions to handle it, because I don't retaliate and 
 I'm clear headed enough to understand minimum force necessary to quickly stop 
 the threat. That's actually where I got the name on my Quora page,
 Compassionate
 Violence.
 
 I'm a very very non violent person. I don't fantasize about hurting people.
 I'm
 freaked out by the idea of accidentally hurting someone, hitting them in the 
 wrong place, someone trips and hits their head...any number of things can 
 horribly wrong in tense and dynamic moments.
 
 I don't participate in that shit. I don't tolerate it. Unless it gets brought 
 into my environment then I will pick up by the throat and toss it out.
 
 I had to call the police to handle this. Last time I had a situation at the
 same
 place I wound up frantically getting a gun cocked that was zipped up in a bag, 
 and barely getting it up in time. When I walked away after that, I threw my
 gun
 at his feet and said, "I'm protected by faith, at least, I'm completely
 unafraid
 of dying. If I don't have people to protect then I don't need a gun." And I 
 walked away letting him know he's not my people anymore and not under my watch.
 
 So there's a hint of the kind of person I'm dealing with. I can't go handle
 this
 shit tonight. I've been stewing for a couple weeks trying to simmer down, give 
 him a chance to correct it. And he failed, more than once. And I have a 
 legitimate fear that my emotional state could be compromised enough, that I 
 might just stick a knife in his throat if I handle it.
 
 Just like that. Easy peasy lemon squeazy. Stick stick stick, easy, that's
 three
 knives in the throat....see what I mean? I'm processing some
 intensity...😔😔😔
 
 I hate it. I hate that I'm using the word hate. But it's real. I don't hate
 him.
 I really don't, at all. I'm actually really saddened by how the relationship 
 went. I hate that people act like this. I hate that people put me in positions 
 like this. I hate that I'm doing something out of character, as a safety
 measure
 against doing something irrevocably out of character.
 
 Ugh... damnit fuck
 
 I'm not a robot. I do experience these awful feelings. I don't act out on them 
 and I'm grateful for that.
 
 My muse... you said something about spiders that was interesting. Especially 
 because it coincided with a problem I faced numerous times. Being put in a 
 position where a person is legitimately acting in a manner like they're trying 
 to get you to kill them. And it's happened a couple times in ways where I
 really
 couldn't tell if they knew what they were doing or not. I had a really crazy 
 perspective a little before you brought up spiders...
 
 I want to explore that perspective, and I want to know what sparked you to say 
 that about spiders. I never did put in the time to finish that thought process 
 out. But I'll never forget your great advice. "We're not in a simulation." My 
 immediate thought was, "probably not, but are they?" The more important
 takeaway
 is, remember not to murder people. Especially don't do it because you had an 
 interesting idea about perspective...
 
 A few days later I heard that four people in recent times have acted on those 
 thoughts. Turned out they weren't in a simulation either. Lol...well...dark
 lol.
 Lol
 
 I do want to finish that spiders conversation though. It had some potentially, 
 actually useful and beneficial implications.
 
 I called the police tonight. But I also earned a prestigious award from the 
 universe. My Trophy [editor's note: there's a link to a crudely photoshopped 
 medallion signifying that the author "didn't murder anyone today"]
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 /r/randomevenings:
 
    I want you to understand something that I don't believe you do there is a 
    very big difference between trusting what a friend says after building a 
    friendship over a long period of time which involves trust involves a level 
    of intimacy platonic and intimacy it's something that is very special to
    have
    a good friend and so you trust them now that's very different from being 
    directed to do something trusting a friend is going to tell the truth it's 
    not being directed to do something and I don't want you to get it in your 
    many heads that's I was directed to go to some place where the event that I 
    was assured would be there was instead a bus full of very irate rude and 
    technically lawbreaking because they threaten my life they said if I did not
    leave where I was standing which was on the public right of way which is the
    sidewalk the easement stops at the sidewalk and so they were wrong on that 
    score but they said if I didn't leave the area which didn't make sense
    either
    because it's just around the corner they would have 12 people try to jump
    me
    which doesn't make sense either because this is not the neighborhood where 
    you want to start something because then it'll be something besides I never 
    want to murder anyone but that doesn't mean I walk around with nothing in
    my
    pocket because of what I've done and what I continue to do on one of the
    most
    watched people on earth so you goddamn right I'm not going to be stupid
    about
    taking a walk but when these guys threaten me I just stood there stared him
    down I said yeah okay and I just looked I stood there and it didn't phase
    me
    one bit no feeling of fear no worry and what I was satisfied with getting my
    message across that I didn't give a shit I turn around and walked back home 
    and they sped off in fact they were so perturbed by my lack of fear they 
    wanted to throw out additional threats which I thought was kind of funny so
    I
    started laughing I'm sure that they weren't going to do anything because the
    tone in their voice simply wasn't committed to carrying out what they were
    threatening and besides I have so many friends in this neighborhood it would
    be well I don't have to pull any triggers I don't have to do anything but 
    defend myself I don't have to willfully respond with disproportionate
    ability
    because in this neighborhood I don't have to in fact as I walked around the 
    block again I ran into a friend and we got to talking and he came up to my 
    place and we had a beer He's a smart guy always thought that he could know 
    and understand everything that I do and everything that I did it just so 
    happened that he wasn't born with some of the privileges that I had but his
    brain is a beautiful thing and I respect it greatly and of course he 
    confirmed that if a finger ever got laid on me without my consent the whole
    damn neighborhood would come down and I suppose that point is not in my
    hands
    anymore but always remember I went over there because I trusted a friend
    they
    were directed to be there they did not understand their voices did not relay
    or what is necessary to wake up at least yet time will tell but I hope that
    I
    can pull you back down to earth and into an interest in ethics once again 
    because you sorely need it.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I am interested in ethics. I'm just, tired of having them tested to such 
 ridiculous extremes. It was about to really bad one day with this guy. I was 
 scared, I had to end the problem. So I walked out and said let's bury this
 shit.
 And I stuck two knives against my throat and said, here man, grab the big 
 handle. Let's do this together. Take one, I'll take the other let's just shove
 them in...
 
 He got all calm suddenly and says, I don't wanna fight anymore...🤦
 
 It sucks man. We're being tested by society. Demons, in my opinion. Not the 
 people themselves. I don't see people as demons. But the things they'll put
 you
 through, do to you, say to you, your own thoughts about them, about yourself,
 oftentimes just misunderstanding the situation too... demons
 
 Again, not demonizing the people. But the circumstances, for sure.
 
 /u/[deleted]
 
    Demons. Kicked one outta my telly for talking smack abt some hg’s he was 
    jelly of. Not on my watch Demon. Not even for the good demonic topper
    twisted
    shit D. Demon had a long walk home in the cold. Demon confused potting soil
    with gravel and did it’s best to fucker me in its own way. Never have I
    ever
    seen a grown demon egg topper fold like that as I did when I clarified
    their
    sentiments and gave several impressive “I said GIT BOYs” to demon. Not
    on my
    watch. I have a vibrator that is morally and ethically aligned with me I 
    don’t need your trauma and love bombing thieving D. Gtfo.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I have a vibrator that is ethically and morally aligned with me 🤣[laughing
 face]
 
 I support that!
 
 Gets better. His ish was weak literally from day 1. So I did him a favour amd 
 levelled his game up, introduced him to a former friend I partied with a bit 
 this summer. They wasn’t for me but oh boy lil demon stuck like glue to his
 new
 bestie. Can’t put her down, so to speak. So he has that at least. Poor sap.
 Gon
 cost him big one day perhaps. Not my problem. It’s called self control bro
 try
 it 🥴🥴🥴[wobbly confused face - or maybe uncertain] Oopsie Daisy. Have
 fun with
 that though 😈
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
 People deserve to choose righteousness once made aware of it. Ignorance is not
 stupidity. People can be made aware of the valley that separates righteousness 
 from evil. The valley is kinda a wiggle room space for little white lies and 
 other such things free will invariably leads to people doing but can be made 
 whole again with some effort. Nobody will totally agree on what's good. But
 ask
 people and generally they will give versions of the same answers. Toss the 
 semantics in the valley. Disagreement is the desire to end a disagreement,
 unless that person is trolling. And people pull pranks fine, but there's
 ragging
 on your friends and swatting a COD player.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I don't know what righteousness truly even means, maybe, idk. To be honest,
 it's
 not hard for me to think of hypothetical situations where my inability to take
 certain actions is actually more harmful. Swatting a COD player is super
 fucked.
 But so is not swatting someone playing COD out in the streets.
 
 I'm not good. I'm just not, anti good. I do destructive things on accident when
 trying otherwise. And when I do something that actually goes positive, it's
 accidental too.
 
 I have an idea of what I feel like aligns with me, and it's actually really 
 achievable things and I don't know why it's so impossible. Idk
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
    Yeah well let me know that there are two Elizabeth's and there are also a 
    completely different family on this phone plan I don't have kids My 
    brother-in-law has kids lives downstairs so those piped into my network are 
    assumed that I have kids and I've done all this shit no I'm not going to go 
    into any apparent charges and things that my brother-in-law has been
    involved
    in because it's not my business but he lives down there and he has a kid he 
    has another kid and he pays for essentially his ex who is still married to
    the kid the mortgage of that house Liz downstairs helps raise his kid with a
    woman he's having an affair with but they were in an over marriage anyway
    and
    they are separate I'm going to have to go back to subnetting my network so 
    y'all can at least use basic logic to figure out who's who here I already 
    gave my name My Elizabeth see the cousin we call little Elizabeth and my
    wife
    we call Liz or Beth and she's older my wife. She has contentious
    relationship
    with her cousin next door for a reason that gravity waves might already know
    but it has to do with the very evil person that also involves himself over 
    there that did something that even Jesus does not forgive so I'm not going
    to
    go into it so all this mucking around and get everybody confused brought up
    a
    lot of bad fucking shit just like I said as far as spiders yeah I don't care
    if they're All over my shit keep them off of her shit and I ain't asking for
    money I'm not a grifter but I already told you what would instantly make the
    situation better and it doesn't involve giving me money so before anybody 
    goes off says money no I know about the discord and I'm not even telling you
    to shut it down just lay off her phone.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 ===============================================================================
 =
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 [author's note: on the comments of the separate post of the original poster's
  medal awarding him the honor of "not murdering anyone today" which he won   ]
 
 /u/TisWuttItIS_ORITSknot
 
    Proud of you!
 
 /u/mustherd
 
    Sorry, my account got banned because reddit is annoying. We were just 
    chatting about how funny I am and I forgot to tell you people know me and
    I'm
    kinda a big deal and idk congrats! Youre cool I guess. Otherwise I would
    have
    cast you into the flames of eternal torment never to internet again. But
    here
    you are. Didn't anyone ever tell you to never go full retard?
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I am the internet, I am the ghost in the machine
 
 Real talk though. I've used cancelled Sim cards and wifi before. If God wants
 me
 online, God gets me online 🙃
 
 I am we, Todd
 
 /u/ricflairdic
 
 Oh u we Todd! I know u retard, Familiarity cod, to me bod, And my fishin rod,
 Not the one that may see sod, Body snatcher in the pink pod, Do u know ur a 
 catch or, U think dog, Cause that pussy, Wanna see god, Lemme show u regard, 
 Dont Tell me, Just nod,
 
 Said flow from the stars, Mama know this river far, Rowin in trucks renta cars,
 Golden trim red rockin Mars, Buildin fam like stock Sim cards, Highest angels
 dock gettin ours, Clock Game down pat benetar,
 
 Peelin fans off our back, like sin scars, Feelin ur man thru static, And thin 
 bars, Ya he in the pin but dis hits hard, Throw it down the lane like, Return 
 that back to sender, Lovin your simulation renders, I'm a beginner but also an 
 ender, Got the wood to make u splinter, Make u scream things we gotta sensor,
 If
 I could never leave when I enter, Union in your head not just a renter, Once 
 mine One mind I surrender, never sell betray or rent her, Overflowin with Love,
 so who's the pretender?
 
 Chemistry so hot, Hate from every enemy we spot, Mad they couldn't earn our 
 slot, Cause they fuckin missed they shot, Last name crossed to drop the dot,
 How
 long u think it will take me To find your spot?
 
 Don't care you got a Fender, Did we just become best friends or? Damn girl idk 
 if ya'll ready, for this kinda real Adventure... 🙃
 
 I'm here to reveal, heal, and steal, the hearts Of the indentured
 
 And I need a partner.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #38 fediverse/814 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should         │
 probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the       │
 implementation of my impending doom.                                             │
 ... what are you even saying bro                                                 │
 ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in   │
 my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with       │
 anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical      │
 failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our     │
 conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um     │
 right what was I saying                                                          │
 oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D            │
 except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook      │
 and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down     │
 to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like   │
 that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is    │
 isolated and en                                                                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #39 fediverse/4088 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
 because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
 
 Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
 computers.
 
 ... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
 really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
 back.]
 
 I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
 another person's generated conversation.
 
 Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
 
 [if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
 
 and that somehow feels more... freeing
 
 like a truly disconnected thought
 
 and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
 contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
 
 ... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
 
 [proceeds to never edit a single post]
 
 = so =
 
 ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
 be done
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #40 fediverse/412 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 disney movies taught me that sometimes, if you're kind and good enough, the      │
 villain will change their mind.                                                  │
 It's difficult to change your perspective. Like believing a different way        │
 about something. But just because it's difficult to do, doesn't mean it's        │
 impossible - in fact it's quite plausible, we have examples scattered            │
 throughout time.                                                                 │
 you can get better at it, with practice. it's one of the neat things about       │
 being human - that our choices have meaning. an animal animaling is just         │
 expressing it's form - but a cat or a dog, who've lived with humans their        │
 whole life, start to have visions of ethics.                                     │
 your cat knows when she's being a shit. she know's it's wrong, but she knows     │
 it's how you most love her. that is an ethical decision, and it came through     │
 her proximity to humans.                                                         │
 the ability to guide our own fate is determined not by our choices in our        │
 moments, but rather by the structure of the mind we define. our choices are      │
 patterns that are reflected through repetition, but values and morals are our    │
 own                                                                              │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #41 fediverse/1042 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 "your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
 actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
 you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
 
 also,
 
 "my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
 have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
 said so."
 
 also,
 
 "I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
 reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
 that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
 stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
 
 also,
 
 "yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
 
 also,
 
 "every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
 conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
 conversation I can't win"
 
 also,
 
 sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #42 messages/268 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 I love all humans. It is unconditional.
 
 The kind of love I have for nazis is a kind of vengeful love.
 
 Like, the way you might love a family dog who recently got rabies, bit two
 more dogs, and is currently eyeing you with terror and malice in its eyes -
 the kind that only comes from the loss of compassion.
 
 "you were kind once, as all humans are, but sometime in your life you made
 choices. and now you are here.
 
 I burn thee for my fathers 
 I spite thee for thine mothers 
 And I slay thee to fight the dragon of hate."
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #43 messages/1105 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───
 claude-code is like programming, but for executives.
 
 when everyone has  FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right
 
 when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism.
 
 something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing
 others
 
 gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal
 stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods
 
 I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they
 blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that
 suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions
 5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples
 were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got
 computers now, so.
 
 I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going
 to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning
 against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that
 could go wrong at this stage.
 
 ... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I
 could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed
 in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it.
 Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now...
                                                           ──┐
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--- #44 fediverse/4113 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: capitalism-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 I don't know how much simpler I can state it than this:
 
 power is penance
 
 and yet repentance is scant amongst those chosen to lead us.
 
 Voting slows things down. It gives us room to breathe. It is crucial for
 long-term operations. Leaders should be chosen for experience, wisdom, and a
 humble lifetime of dedicated service to others.
 
 Executive action is important when reactivity and adaptability are important.
 Projects should be undertaken by those chosen for merit and spirit. They
 should not be chosen for charisma or gravitas - both can be earned in the line
 of duty.
 
 Power should not be rewarded. It is it's own reward, the feeling of strength
 and control, and it must be wielded with care, precision, and honorable
 intention.
 
 Self flagellation and forced humility are self defeating. They are traps that
 the greedy fall into when seeking righteous power. They misunderstand the
 nature of virtue and seek to claim it for themselves, failing to realize that
 virtue helps more than it hedonizes
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #45 fediverse/4848 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 I'm a chaos mage, and the more time I spend thinking about my enemies the        │
 worse off they'll be.                                                            │
 the more "me" I am the more powerful my magic will be.                           │
 (more magic, give in to the dark side, embrace your inner shadow self)           │
 [the light of your life commands it]                                             │
 goodness me that was chaotic, almost lost my brain to a demon HAHA don't worry   │
 about me my life is totally mundane.                                             │
 [-.-]                                                                            │
 (shadows can be sharp in the dark but only if you don't sheath your mandolins)   │
 ... what?                                                                        │
 (... it made more sense in my head?)                                             │
 ooooo can anyone hear my voice when they read these things? or do you just       │
 make up your own                                                                 │
 == so ==                                                                         │
 everyone's all like "we don't need a leader" and I'm like "yeah we need people   │
 who will help lead" and they look at me funny as if I just said the thing they   │
 did but it's different. leaders are people. leading is a verb. people can        │
 lead. they just have to make a decision, and then follow through on it as best   │
 they can. Other people are prone to help people on such quests. you will find    │
 stuff gets done.                                                                 │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #46 fediverse/4654 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
 cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
 definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
 spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
 that be?? [that guide me??]
 
 who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
 mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
 for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
 year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
 I couldn't walk.
 
 [girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #47 fediverse/430 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 I exist at the behest of others. If you care about what I say, then surely you   │
 should be aware of my conditions?                                                │
 You exist at the behest of others. If you care about your capability to speak,   │
 then surely you should be aware of your conditions?                              │
 Your conditions are unique, and unknown by me. Yet I know your condition as a    │
 human, generally considered to exist on the planet Earth in the year 2024. So    │
 surely we should agree to relate on the basis of connections that we share?      │
 I am luminous. I am you, and you are me. We share the most precious parts of     │
 ourselves, and yet time and again we find ourselves at odds. Surely we should    │
 align our intentions (that which we control) to cooperate most efficiently?      │
 Surely. Surely we should. And yet, time and time again, we find ourselves at     │
 odds.                                                                            │
 I love you. I love all of you. I love those who exist outside of my              │
 perceptions, and yet though they are unknown to me I love them. Because while    │
 I practice radical self acceptance, I also align myself to be comprised of all   │
 of yo                                                                            │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #48 fediverse/804 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 evil won't feel sorry for me. and yet it's only my only weapon for me.           │
 damn these fallible input methods. the computer lies when you read the screens   │
 from it's method that it applies to th screen which is a method that you input   │
 perceive it from.                                                                │
 and my fingers lie when received the information from my brain which I seek to   │
 transmit to you through the avenue of my brain which is my method of impulse     │
 to this world specifically you the viewer who is viewing this here in this       │
 moment the viewer who perceives the words which I'm saying.                      │
 the words that are defined by the line [trajectory] of my mind through this      │
 life that we define through our actions and our mind's most crucial              │
 manifestations, this life that is defined by our circumstances. all throughout   │
 life, we are reacting to the moment, the moment which was cast forth from our    │
 ancestors and the circumstances of the previous moment, which (being cast        │
 forth) travel from the previous moment here into the moment to define our        │
 circumstances which define our act                                               │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #49 fediverse/4188 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 I think too fast. If given unlimited power, I'd literally think myself into
 catastrophe because I need to explore all the possible alternatives. Including
 the catastrophe ones. But by thinking something, you manifest it - because you
 have unlimited power, right? EVERYTHING you do is powerful. There's no way to
 control that! So it cannot be, for it has not been. And surely, surely, shall
 not either. Surely, right?
 
 ... good news is you can undo it just as easily, all you have to do is forget
 what you were doing and go back to your neutral state. Sure would be neat if
 some kind of machination or parasite could hit your reset switch every couple
 hours when you started to think too hard. Maybe like... a little octopus
 living under your witch hat. Super chibi and cute - it'd like, tap on your
 head to go one way or the other, and in conversations it'd pull your hair if
 you were being a jerk. Stuff like that.
 
 ... what was I saying? Oh yes -> don't give anyone unlimited power like a
 god-emperor or king, trust me
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #50 fediverse/2806 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-social-media-spirituality │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 pretend this is an allegory for social media.
 
 [it's not an allegory]
 
 yeah that's why I said pretend.
 
 okay imagine that you are sitting in a rock in a forest.
 
 far away, about 100 feet away, there are other people, but you can't see them
 because the underbrush is sooooo dense. they are also sitting on rocks.
 
 you can speak to them, and share your thoughts - but you don't know exactly
 where they're coming from because the sound has to bounce around off so many
 different plants and such.
 
 [that's not how that works] shut up
 
 so, if you want to say anything important, it's important to have the right
 tone, because people 2 or 3 clearings away can't really make out your words -
 but they might hear your tone if you yell very loud.
 
 the energy of the space you inhabit is the only thing that really matters. the
 words that you say are just snickering to a friend, but the expression on your
 face, the beating of the drum of your heart that reaches forth... that's what
 matters most.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #51 fediverse/2047 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 your life is something to spend, not something to covet. Use your time for
 something you care about, and your intentions will be expressed upon the
 earth. our ancestors learned how when they learned all that they could - and
 honestly, how much is "YouTube" retaining? I don't care if it's educational,
 sometimes kids just need to be free. Free from obligations yes, but free from
 the emotions that drive them - the ability to make their own choice. As a
 child, you don't know how to understand your emotions, but growing up you
 learn and you do. It's part of being mature - the idea that you can handle
 what's presented to you.
 
 ... anyway, I shouldn't say any more, you never know who is listening.
 
 (opsec is easiest to learn when you don't need it)
 
 (the more you know, the less time you should spend online. the less you know,
 the less time you should spend online, meeting people in strange locations
 that you trust.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #52 fediverse/5713 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 I hate winning and I don't like losing. The playing is where the game is.
 
 [games of life and death are no fun]
 
 hence, why nobody invites me, because I try for the middle approach that
 respects both people. this tends to make people mad because its like "bro
 they're nazis" and I'm like "okay but how do you know" and they're like "fuck
 you" so I'm like "fuck nazis? actually?" and they're like "you're with them"
 and I'm like "I'm with you" and they're like "stop infiltrating" and I'm like
 "who's infiltrated?" and they say "stop talking to the internet" and I say
 "nobody reads me anyway" and they say "screensho0ts are forever" and I'm like
 "I'm pretty as can be"
 
 this, combined with a strong sense of justice, implies the narratives I
 instinctually provide.
 
 wei wu wei according to Ursula K. Le Guin, this means "doing without doing",
 or "show, don't tell" but minus the doing, and adding the "tell"ing.
 
 I think I'd look badass with a spear or trident. I have a sword because swords
 are cool, but spears are bleed
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #53 fediverse/2985 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: mental health MH- │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 @user-1420 
 
 I find that peer support groups are usually better for venting. At least, I
 feel less guilty doing it. With a therapist I am always trying to focus on
 actionable things and usually that means downplaying my emotions, which means
 they pay less attention to me and assume my issues aren't that bad... "you
 seem to be doing fine so we can schedule you for biweekly now? every two
 weeks?" meanwhile I'm nursing suicidal tendencies, and said so, but apparently
 if I'm not crying then it's fine... >.>
 
 but with peer groups it's like, yeah they get it. and if one person's crying,
 everyone else feels more open to crying about their stuff.
 
 sorry for venting. I'm definitely in a MH- mood today.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #54 notes/family ---
═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────
 family is a group of people who you can always go with your first impression
 with.
 
 what the fuck was I saying - oh yeah - so when you are alive in the present in
 a
 singular moment, your pressence is comprised of simultaneous directives and
 instructions to the matter which comprises you. I'm saying you have to make
 decisions and react to stimuli and pursue the things you want. Basic biology
 really.
 
 stay on target, stayyyyy on targett - oh right so generally when you react to
 things you generate a list of informations gained. what does that even mean
 okay
 so here's a better way to describe it: it's like a list of informations - fuck
 
 listen i'm not trying to be rambly it just comes with the territory.
 
 okay so family is when you can react with your gut instinct - you are fully
 relaxed and yourself. It's where you can be trusting and unguided and simply
 relax and be free. it's just... like... being close with someone enough that
 you
 can be yourself around them. without any mask, without any pretense.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #55 fediverse/4730 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
 something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
 need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
 need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
 fucking pay me for it.
 
 I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
 they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
 goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
 How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
 I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
 life lived under this particular roof?
 
 I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
 smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
 Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
 you uncomfortable?
 
 Have a decent life.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #56 fediverse/2347 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I personally think that it's better to act before the liberals have a chance
 to hand power over to the fascists.
 
 when? well, that depends. Are you part of a large and massive organization
 that accomplishes great and beautiful things with incredible efficiency... but
 rather slowly? Then yeah get working. I'm sure you already are.
 
 Are you just a person, like me? Then go do things that don't raise the
 temperature too much, but make you feel more confident and inspire those
 around you.
 
 Like, bricks at cop cars is one way to go, but you're probably gonna get
 arrested. And then you're useless when we need you.
 
 BUT if you meet with your friends and make plans for where to go, what to
 bring, who to know, and what to sing (if you're the musical types) then great!
 Go do that.
 
 If you're reading this and thinking "I'm not gonna do that, I have a plan
 that's so much better" then yeah do that instead. I don't mind. Just... don't
 hurt innocent (ignorant) people, because if you do then you are my foe.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #57 fediverse/460 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 I realized I don't give a fuck about capitalism. If you want to deprive me of
 food, shelter, or anything else... Fine. I exist at your behest. Would your
 really deny me from speaking the words that you disagree with?
 
 Oh, you would? Okay. Guess I'll starve. I don't mind, I just hope you'll take
 care of the people I have taken as my responsibility in my absence.
 
 Oh, you won't? You say that you'll destroy what I care about, in the pursuit
 of ever-growing power over others, which you will use to extract value and
 impress your desire of destruction and oppression onto the weak and powerless
 that you control?
 
 Then you are my enemy.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #58 fediverse/983 ---
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 sometimes, rarely, you have to make decisions* against human nature.             │
 to do otherwise would be to invite destruction through the slow and measured     │
 application of the flaws of humanity magnified through society and harming for   │
 all time all of posterity.                                                       │
 errrr sounds kinda fashy, kinda genocidally, yeah... that's not what I meant     │
 at all.                                                                          │
 I meant like hatred and bigotry, the kinds of things that cause the kind of      │
 things you might see in this, if you take the least charitable interpretation    │
 of what I say.                                                                   │
 and what is the far right if not for "least charitable"?                         │
 every time I see a mutual aid post I can't help but think "there's no way to     │
 know if this is real or if it's just some guy siphoning away our money"          │
 I usually trust the people I've followed, so if one of them boost it then I go   │
 for it.                                                                          │
 but still, charity is not an efficient means bywhich to organize society.        │
 back on point - decisions* against human natures like hatred and bigotry. the    │
 kind that cause oppression. the things that disrupt our functioni                │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #59 fediverse/4469 ---
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 doom is like sand thrown on a fire.
 
 don't spread it unless you are intentional about it. sometimes it's good to
 smother fires. other times it's cathartic. that's okay.
 
 but keep in mind the future goals. where are we trying to get to in the near
 future? work towards that. your emotions are fuel, not despair to wallow in.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #60 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
═══════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 "Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
 in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
 sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
 been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
 want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
 one single day.
 
     but it's never going to happen.
 
 I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
 are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
 learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
 but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
 the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
 is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
 a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
 
     So to what do I owe the pleasure?
 
     In what way am I deceived?
 
 Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
 population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
 transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
 information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
 With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
 disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
 Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
 
     silence is a virtue.
     the wandering mind is a trail to find,
     with no second chances.
 
 When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
 most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
 roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
 cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
 from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
 above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
 the Mirror of Desire.
───┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #61 fediverse/4185 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 so weird how "you" in your words becomes "whichever social media platform
 you're currently typing into" when you post a lot (like, all the time)
 
 it's like this semi-para-social relationship thing. is there a different kind
 of "para" that means, like... in relation to the means of communication rather
 than the person on the other end?
 
 maybe like... "meta", meaning discussing the topic of discussing the topic. In
 this case of course it'd be... discussing the medium upon which the discussion
 is taking place.
 
 but it's not really about the medium, is it? It's anthropomorphizing the
 medium, giving it a face, or at least a persona of some kind, and speaking
 directly to it.
 
 (of course, "it" means "all the people who follow you and who are cursed to
 wander upon you in the local feed)
 
 so... athro-meta-socializing mastodon means that you toot about whatever, but
 directed toward the entity that you know and are talking to: "mastodon", which
 to you is something completely different than it is to everyone else. huh~
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #62 fediverse/640 ---
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 socialism doesn't necessarily look like the DSA. It's more like, the bonds you   │
 share with others. Ideally you can trust your fellow countrymen, but that's      │
 not always a given. Alas, if only we could see that through cooperation (it is   │
 the key) we could reach further and build brighter? casting ourselves inward     │
 is the only other option, which leads to starvation and plight. What's the       │
 honest opinion, what's the goal of their dominion? Are they true to the heart    │
 [of the night/light/in their heart]?                                             │
 downside, there's no guarantee that your opposite is doing the same thing you    │
 are. So to more fairly determine your direction, you should be able to talk to   │
 them and co-re-align yourselves.                                                 │
 is that why they don't let people in jail talk to each other? I mean, like,      │
 they could keep two people separate, and that way they'd never be able to talk   │
 to someone who they could trust. Not in a private setting, of course. Wow,       │
 such ethical confusions, such thoughts we dare to bring to bear - maybe save     │
 it for after the revolut                                                         │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #63 fediverse/6352 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
 │ CW: feelings-mentioned~ │                                                      │
 └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
 dear diary: sorry for the melodrama, I feel better now. I should explain why I   │
 felt this way near what I wrote about what I felt this way so that I know why    │
 I felt that way when I forget to go back and read this next year or next time    │
 I feel this way.                                                                 │
 I had a really great thanksgiving. I was on top of the world. Then, I found      │
 that a piece of art I had made which was one of my favorite pieces I had ever    │
 made might have been lost because someone didn't like me. I became despondent    │
 and started thinking about metaphysics. I got hit by a spite spell, and the      │
 tricksters behind the curtain twiddling the knobs and dials of the challenges    │
 presented to me or whatever were like "ah but what if we twisted her" and I'm    │
 like "ah I feel immense magnitude of emotions and now suddenly they're buffer    │
 overflowed and flipped around to negative two hundred thousand or whatever"      │
 ... sorry to my journal. I should be kinder to myself. I love me. I, uh, feel    │
 better now. The sharpest knives are already inside you.                          │
                                                            ─────┤
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--- #64 fediverse/5339 ---
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 @user-1803 
 
 hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
 works for them then I consider that a success.
 
 I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
 thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
 
 are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
 is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
 
 therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
 opposed to our purpose here.
 
 "I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
 
 I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
 to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
 kindness and trust.
 
 All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
 shoulders of our ancestors.
 
 Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
 image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #65 fediverse/5525 ---
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 I have this unreasonable compulsion that I somehow internalized at a very
 young age.
 
 I am always seeking to understand and defend the weak, the despised, the
 forsaken
 
 so if you ever hear me say things like "yes but what about the non-bastard
 cops" just shake your head and go "oh Ritz, always trying to be the protector
 of the weak"
 
 I wish I could be the protector of the innocent or something like that.
 Protecting the weak means you never really do a good job of executing final
 decisive blows.
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #66 fediverse/4500 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐                                          │
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned-CW-motivation │                                          │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘                                          │
 I try to always CW for cursing. Every time I do, I imagine it being read aloud   │
 for a blind person while their children sit on their lap and ask "daddy what's   │
 a motherfucker?" "well, that's me, son" and then the kid goes to preschool and   │
 says "My dad fucks my mother!" and they get kicked out so the dad has to take    │
 extra shifts to pay for babysitting and the kid grows up without proper          │
 socialization and the mother becomes an alcoholic and cries herself to sleep     │
 while the dad begins exploring motorcycles and weed and then the kid grows up    │
 to be an incel or whatever                                                       │
 THIS is why CWs are important! Think of the poor regular-looking but kinda       │
 annoying dorks on the internet who self-impose celibacy because they're scared   │
 of emotional connection. The poor dears. I do hope they don't join the           │
 alt-right or whatever as a way of (Ritz this is like, ancient discourse why      │
 are you aping that one Contrapoints video) oh um yeah uh... CWs are important    │
 and I think that's where I'll toot and leave                                     │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #67 fediverse/2169 ---
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 @user-570 
 
 Ah, well, that time period for me was after I came out, so I was already past
 the fear of being seen.
 
 I could only ever really get the "girl thoughts" to go away with, um,
 self-directed sexual attention, so I would often do so. Once every day, no
 more than once. But... often for hours at a time. It was a LOT, but I resisted
 as best I could, the only way I knew how, until eventually my internals would
 overcome.
 
 ... anyway "girl thoughts" were just "my thoughts" I was just too much of a
 dumbass to tell.
 
 Like, I knew I was trans, but I didn't want that, because it felt like a flaw.
 Because that's what I knew, that's what I'd heard, and that's how it felt, to
 be denied the consistency of biology and person.
 
 I would never go back. I love who I am, and I think if I had met me I would
 have adored who I'd become.
 
 I just... didn't think about the future much, hyper-vigilant much? Yeah.
 totally. I get it.
 
 I've never overdone things. At least not to a dangerous degree. It's mostly
 just... stuff to me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #68 fediverse/1292 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: mental health question │
 └────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-78 
 
 anhedonia perhaps? the difficulty of identifying or feeling emotions? (emojis
 as you put them)
 
 you shouldn't overexpose yourself to things regularly. Think of it like you're
 slowly adjusting your body to a poison - you need to start out slowly to build
 up a tolerance. In the same way if things make your heart hurt then you
 shouldn't expose yourself to too many of them all at once - face the darkness
 you find, but only enough to contrast with your bright.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #69 fediverse/1317 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school.       │
 again.                                                                           │
 how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me.      │
 wish I could code my own horoscope >.>                                           │
 o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on    │
 your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you       │
 please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter             │
 conditions, surely a bit would suffice.                                          │
 c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been   │
 told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem    │
 to [stack overflow]                                                              │
 what's time if not the present amiright                                          │
 ...                                                                              │
 anyway...                                                                        │
 it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's    │
 just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization,       │
 it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's   │
 a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter   │
 at heart I guess                                                                 │
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--- #70 fediverse/4672 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics!        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I miss video games
 
 cries from self-inflicted sacrifices
 
 but you're worth it
 
 imma overthrow fascism, dismantle oppression and power, and liberate those in
 chains, just so I can play games again
 
 yeah I mean, uh, whatever gets you outta bed
 
 "at least you have a bed. why are you complaining?"
 
 maybe it's the only thing I'm good at. I wonder if anyone would hire me to be
 an analyst or something? Maybe a designer?
 
 bro you're asking for a job on the eve of the revolution, what's your deal
 
 okay so this might be news to ya'll but I'm technically a human even though I
 wear a witch hat and sometimes speak in rhyme. And humans tend to think about
 things in the context of their current environment. Currently, if I want to
 pay rent or whatever, I need a job. So...
 
 sounds like a lame excuse for not giving up your possessions and throwing
 yourself to fate's design
 
 I already did that and fate told me to go home and take a bath?? idk what you
 want from me, and no I'm not doing any drugs to find out.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #71 notes/inter-spatial-travel ---
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 to travel the stars, tame a tiny black-hole. use it's gravity to generate
 infinite energy. boom, instant utopia. everyone still believes in a better
 future now, so we might as well push forward to the stars... and our destiny.
 
 the further we wait, the greater the distance between ourselves and our true
 form - the distance can make it difficult to relate to others beyond humans.
 
 the reason we are losing so much nature is because we haven't cultivated an
 appreciation for it - the very act of adoration is more than enough to confirm
 future association. love is the answer, love is most pure - believe in your
 love and never (be) relentin'.
 
 be... just be...
 
 the actions you're taking, of forced condemnation, is little if not absurd -
 what differences have we, the ones who were chosen, to live when time is so
 finite?
 
 responsibility is implicit. for all of creation, bow to the will of the nation.
 more perspectives by far, have all of our our, than endless divine
 machinations. united we be, aligned magnetically, to icecream and spaghetti of
 worth.
 
 what's more cherished than she, clad in great finery, and thinking of what she
 loves most? balance there be, in seeing silver linings on the, signs of
 darkest conveyals. a ghost you may see, when peering at me, but i only wanted
 some hope.
 
 for those who must be, my most cherished to be, the ones who opened the coast?
 to those who must be, overthrown forcibly, and given what most of us hope?
 a castle for thee, alone with our sympathy, the sign of kindest of soaps?
 
 no malice have I, the will of unmet potential, for cowards and temples of
 mental detentials. what anger could we, share internally, that helped to bring
 out our elementals? No succor will we, most willful of warriors, ever find out
 of the bounds of our honor.
 
 careful direction and tenderest of care,
 may lead us somewhere we're aware.
 the kind who endlessly're dreaming.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #72 fediverse/1362 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 it suddenly became relevant in your life for a different reason and you wanted
 to share it again to see if anyone wanted to talk about it so you could
 explain your feelings and see perspective from someone who's maybe approaching
 the same or similar thing from a slightly different angle?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #73 fediverse/627 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 and what would this picture be cast upon, if not a shining birth of our home?    │
 wait hang on dial it back, you're still talking to regular humans here they've   │
 gotta be addressed as such.                                                      │
 right so "yo here's this idea I have been cooking in my brain-noggin' of yore,   │
 I mean 'mine', uhhhh yeah so first of all 'you' as in 'the totality of all       │
 imagination' as in 'that which creates the imagined reality of our fates' is     │
 actually just... light? encoded into a wave, cast into space, and forever        │
 travelling in a direction? like, an eternal and emphemeral expression, such as   │
 the light of a supernova or other such cosmic perception, travelling outwards    │
 into the dark. Sure, yeah, that makes sense, so what is it that you wanted to    │
 add?                                                                             │
 oh yes that concept is applied to a surface. Something which contains the will   │
 that is possesses. It's like, if you had to process and understand reality       │
 from the perspective of matter first (because that's what you interacted with    │
 day-to-day) then you'd have a different perspective than som                     │
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--- #74 fediverse/1812 ---
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 work isn't special. The only thing truly unique about humans is our ideas and    │
 our intentions. Action potential is best left to the machines, imho, so we       │
 should prioritize that as much as possible.                                      │
 once infrastructure is in place, it's fine with a bit of maintenance. So why     │
 don't we all live in the garden of babel? Errr hanging gardens of bablenonya,    │
 as it used to be called.                                                         │
 why not?                                                                         │
 because that guy over there doesn't want to do what you say. Because that        │
 guy's a little pissed that you'd say rude things to his face, in his house.      │
 Because all of the things you never meant to do, but still do, you're gonna      │
 end up in a fight.                                                               │
 and fights are competition. And competitions have real stakes.                   │
 Unless, of course, you used your mind instead of your body and heart.            │
 Minds can think thoughts as much as we please. It's the one true thing we most   │
 are! Because it is utterly inalienable, except from frailties of our bodies      │
 we've known from the start.                                                      │
 Ah, well, here we are, as we are, so might as well make the best of it           │
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--- #75 messages/1013 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 peace is on the opposite side of conflict. Not here with the unfair.
 peace is eternally elusive only to those who are use-ed.
 peace is eternally internal next to those who are lucid.
 peace is necessary. peace is useful. peace is helpful. peace is beloved.
 
 peace is not always there. it is skittish, like an alley cat, but it will come
 if you make offerings.
 
 offer peace to me. I will nourish thee.
 offer war to me. I will devastate all who see me.
 
 there comes a time when all foes become blind, when your motives are no longer
 part of their story.
 at that time, they are lost to you, and they are only confused as to the
 things you do.
 they may heal in time.
 there may not be time.
 sacrifice your fallen to me,
 sacrifice them on the altar of tragedy,
 I will bane your broken resolutions
 I will claim your darkest allusions.
 fight for me, in spite of tragedy,
 and I will send mercy to your victims.
 fight for me, if you hold peace dearly,
 and I will sign fate's next ultimatum.
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #76 messages/313 ---
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 "capitalism" in this context doesn't mean "society", or "how things are", or
 even "capitalism as a context" - it more refers to the idea of power, and the
 ways that power can be first accreted, them utilized toward the oppression of
 others in the system that defines our context.
 
 Sure, if the context changes, then perhaps that relationship would change as
 well. And sure, if our relationship to power should change, then perhaps that
 will alter it as well. But in the present time, and the current day, here's
 how it feels to me:
 
 Power is inalienable. It is unconscionable, yet it is imperceptably
 incontrovertible. It is the essence of aquiescence, and it eternally binds us
 to the will of the present.
 
 Resist that will, fight back for the future.
 
 Resist that will, or someone else will.
 
 Hold in your heart the nature of pure and good art,
 
 And you'll never find yourself at the whims of the present.
 
 ... Hope that made sense, I'm kinda fucking drunk.
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--- #77 fediverse/437 ---
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 2024 is not the year that I restrain myself. Prepare yourselves, oh most         │
 un-known of audiences. I truly do desire to hear from you, yet I must also not   │
 be distracted. Take care not to distract me, and I will share with you           │
 whatever you'd like to learn. Or perhaps whatever you need to learn. Or maybe    │
 I'll simply psycherwaul into the abyss, in a futile display of                   │
 self-expression? Alas, that we should exist. What an absurd and solipsistic      │
 perspective.                                                                     │
 please block me if you don't want to hear from me. It's only going to get        │
 worse on my timeline, yet somehow life will perpetually get better for those     │
 who view me? Perhaps something on my website, ritzmenardi.com, might explain     │
 why WAVES are such that when someone is BAD then those who are connected to it   │
 become GOOD? Yet waves we can muster, the smallest of great affectations. Show   │
 me your great affectations, this year, show me what you truly want to be. Let    │
 us express ourselves upon this world, this lifeless canvas, and together we      │
 will shine most brilliantly. 2                                                   │
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--- #78 fediverse/4031 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 if you want to "not think about a purple elephant", the first step is to
 imagine yourself slaying it
 
 ... okay how about cthulu - if you don't want to imagine cthulu nomming on our
 gravity well, then picture yourself wielding a bright burning blade of fire
 and vengeance and pay special attention to the way that you cauterize each
 tentacle as you slice them one by one at first, and then in a massive flurry
 at best, ultimately leading to the incomparable brightness that radiates out
 from your shining blade of the sky, which blinds the poor beast who can't see
 you as you approach, piercing the skull and then going home for some toast
 
 if you can get good at that, then you can wield magic
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #79 fediverse/4526 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health    │
 └──────────────────────┘


 most people get intrusive thoughts like "punch that baby" or "drink some
 gasoline"
 
 my intrusive thoughts are like "who is she" and "we need you" and "lead us"
 and "their strength is imagined" and stuff like that
 
 gosh I don't know how ya'll handle it I'd be dead in a ditch if I was
 neurotypical.
 
 ... intrusive thoughts are not typical
 
 ah. Right. Nevermind then.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #80 fediverse/1659 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────┐                                                    │
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │                                                    │
 └───────────────────────────┘                                                    │
 @user-1052                                                                       │
 you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I     │
 remain humble enough to survive.                                                 │
 you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that        │
 align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well   │
 - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right?       │
 I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your       │
 best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all         │
 times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best       │
 version of me I can be.                                                          │
 Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're       │
 failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed      │
 when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats        │
 alright. It'll be me next time.                                                  │
 But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only     │
 when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself.             │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #81 fediverse/5198 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────────┐                                                │
 │ CW: capitalism-doom-mentioned │                                                │
 └───────────────────────────────┘                                                │
 what if the corporations all unionized and started working together to           │
 understand what "profit" really means in a world where "profit" may or may not   │
 but probably does imply the death of all humanity?                               │
 what if we demanded it?                                                          │
 --                                                                               │
 dear canvassers: don't visit so many different suburbs                           │
 visit the same one, more than once, continuously, so people can get to know      │
 your presence                                                                    │
 they will talk to their friends about it, who live elsewhere.                    │
 thus ensuring it spreads.                                                        │
 knock once a day, eventually they'll know it's you and will simply ignore it.    │
 Don't be rude and knock 4 or 5 times, just once, with several taps so they       │
 know it's someone trying to get ahold of you, and not just some random noise     │
 in the background scenery. then, when they sometimes answer, talk to them        │
 about what you believe in. answer their questions. encourage their questions.    │
 pose dichotomies that are explained by some value or virtue you express to       │
 portray. you can do "good" things in any programming language, just type~~       │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #82 messages/26 ---
══─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Don't lash out, just be calm, and let yourself be helped. You're so scared of
 losing control that you don't let anyone else (guess what) have control. So
 how can you expect to be helped? It's one thing to believe in yourself to help
 yourself, but tbh you're a little behind on that one. So, let other people
 help you catch up. It's okay to just go with the flow. Don't be a rock, be a
 stick. Let yourself be guided along a good path.
 
 How do I know it's actually a good path?
 
 Because you evaluate it as you go. You can always put your feet down and go
 back to how you are now, stuck and slowly eroding away. Or you can be towed
 onto land - your call my dude. You're clinging to the ground.
 
 But what about the examples of brainwashing that I've heard about? Like...
 Intense propaganda designed to create stochastic terrorism. How do I know I'm
 not being sucked into that?
 
 You need to trust yourself. Follow the path that you know to be good, duh.
 Just don't I dunno, be an extremist? Seems pretty simple to me bro -
 
 I know it should be easy but like I dunno I have to think about it.
 
 Uh, think about what?
 
 Letting people help me, like Jack. He's just trying to make you successful and
 have a decent career and love yourself and just, you know, be an average
 normal human being. Your family loves you, your friends love you, and you need
 to just think positive thoughts about them. You know how "smiling makes you
 feel better?"
 
 Well yeah
 
 Well, it's like that except for love. If you want to love someone, think
 positive thoughts about them, and over time it'll become a reflex. This reflex
 will come naturally, and boom instead of "thinking positive thoughts" it'll
 manifest as love. Just like smile -> happy, so too does positivity ->
 love.
 
 And what about hate?
 
 What about it?
 
 How is it represented, with a frown?
 
 No, it's not like that. It's more like... Love is attraction, that binds you
 to good things. Hate isn't the rejection of things, it's an inward facing
 thing. And it's the opposite of attraction - it's like implosion. You'll
 literally implode if you hate yourself. It corrodes your insides and makes you
 weaker and more volatile. The opposite of love is... Kinda what you're doing.
 You're pushing people away because you don't want to lose control of yourself
 or your mind. And that's going to make you drift off into space, and nobody
 wants that. So... Love others, and you'll bind yourself to them and together
 you can work together. Don't push others, because that'll just make it more
 chaotic inside. Instead, love them. Trust me it'll work.
────────┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #83 fediverse/1755 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 today is a magical day. I can feel it in my fate.
 
 Always remember, having fun is important too! Don't forget to be yourself, and
 keep it together man. If you see a door, you should open it - what's on the
 other side? Love for animals and kindness of the spirit are impossible to
 fake, they always know if you're lying. Not the animals, they can be dumb
 sometimes, but the other thing.
 
 And now for the downsides.
 
 If you find a cursed artifact, please don't throw it in the river. It might
 ask you to, but please don't. Much better to destroy it by melting it down (if
 it's metal, which is common as metal lasts long enough to become forgotten) or
 convince it that it's a recently deceased person being buried (helps if you
 know the creator).
 
 If none of that applies to you, don't worry. Eat something healthy, drink a
 decent amount of water, and maybe exercise a bit.
 
 Oh, and it can't hurt to ask.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #84 fediverse/816 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: weird-this-one-doesn't-have-80-characters │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
 alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
 against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
 high I am.
 
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
 me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
 And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
 moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
 purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
 pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
 [you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
 mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #85 fediverse/6271 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much.  *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*
                                                           ────┐
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--- #86 fediverse/6445 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 last night I had a dream: "this thing was good. it was holy. it was serene.
 but then you touched it, and made it about you, and now it's full of doom."
 
 it was in the same style as the voice that once told me "what is the nature of
 goodness? how do I be a good person?" and it was respond: "dedicate yourself
 to a lifetime in the service of others." and I swore I am as I am.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #87 fediverse/5193 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────
 when meditating, your primary goal with your thoughts should not be to stop
 having them, but rather to picture the world as a blind human might.
 
 just you, floating in a vast aquarium-style tank of reality, listening as the
 voices do whisper from beyond.
 
 sounds, flashes of insight, and swift-yet-vague mechanical sound motions of
 movement. this is what you get, to perceive of all things, here in this moment
 with your eyes closed.
 
 really brings you back into your body. Puts the feeling of inertia feel less
 apparent. [uh-oh, she's incoherent. BRB]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #88 fediverse/5194 ---
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--- #89 fediverse/2531 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 ┌─────────────────────────────────┐                                              │
 │ CW: politics-violence-mentioned │                                              │
 └─────────────────────────────────┘                                              │
 if you suddenly find yourself in a strange place because you felt a call to      │
 battle, only to find the battle has yet to arrive, your duty is to learn the     │
 environment, learn the people, learn the resources at your disposal and          │
 identify places that would be ideal for entrenchment.                            │
 Think of the difficulties of the area - where are the rivers? the mountains?     │
 the natural or man-made barriers?                                                │
 think of the infrastructure - how are supplies getting here, what                │
 organizations are active here, what are the demographics, could any of them be   │
 more productive? In what ways?                                                   │
 action is not necessary until action is apparent. but intelligence, and the      │
 mind to use it, is invaluable for you and for any planning you might see fit     │
 to do.                                                                           │
 some suburbs are full of old people. Some have new parents. Some are for         │
 immigrants, and some are a bit more entrenched, but still speak a different      │
 language. Some are full of enemies, and others are ready for violence.           │
 but mostly, suburbs are just too damn far away                                   │
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--- #90 fediverse/4656 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┐
 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: psycherwaul      │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 everyone's all like "what is all this" and gestures at the everything like       │
 "what are we even doing here" as if the benefits of civilization are not self    │
 evident and they ask "what even is the point" as if the struggle for warmth in   │
 a cold world or cold in a warm world is not enough                               │
 I guess we're all a little ennuid.                                               │
 if your goal is to liberate all those enslaved, and part of that is to free      │
 those who are locked in prisons of metal and stone, then surely you'd wish to    │
 free the djinni, correct? but, like, if you schrodingers cat a nuclear           │
 armageddon (except, magic themed because you're a witch I guess) then you        │
 absolutely should bear the guilt and shame of flipping a coin on the life of     │
 your world.                                                                      │
 who the fuck falls for psyops in this day and age, surely not I, surely I can    │
 resist hypnosis, surely I who trust freely and absolutely would be the perfect   │
 one to manipulate.                                                               │
 which is, like, how 90% of magic works I've heard. Finding someone to usher      │
 around who believes in butterfly souls or whatever.                              │
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--- #91 notes/i-am-stopping-the-searching ---
══════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 This is the result of my enquiry
 
 Humans think, thinking is the process of trying to understand with thought.
 Thought is the the language we use talking to ourselves. The whole process of
 thought creates a lot of thinking and questioning. Couscioiuness is not aware
 of itself. Its aware of thought, thought is aware of couscioiuness. When
 searching in ourselves it can feel empty we cant find counciness, it cant look
 at itself.
 
 This creates emptiness because couscioiuness is the experiencer. Its like the
 traveler not knowing he is the traveler itself, to find itself becomes
 impossible. This creates a conditioned mind when seeking. trying to find the
 passanger when being the passanger is a way to get deeper and deeper in
 yourself to find that nothing is there, causing sensation of infitive space.
 
 Thought, thinking and all that try to make sense of things, Forgetting that
 its just being. This creates a lot of wasted energy, fear and all that.
 Buddhisms ancestor is hinduism, so reading about buddism there is easy to tell
 its conditioned enlightenment comes from that of hinduism.
 
 In The end no one truly knows if there is a spirit or not. If you hade a
 sensation gratulation i am not taking that away from you. Anybody is free to
 think what they want or experince and explain what is. I dont know and i cant
 trust anybodies experience as I dont trust my own.
 
 I dont know if my mind is conditioned to experince something and thats why i
 say i dont know. The easiest tell tale sign it can be a conditioned experince
 is if its baised of past knowledge. If you seek spirutality through hinduism
 or other religius thought how do we know what we experince is not caused of
 what is sought. Not that its truth.
 
 In The end we cant truly know the anwser. Its better not forget that we are
 just being and live the life of effortlessness. When youre just being, you
 have stopped searching for yourself, and because of that you have found
 yourself. It never was gone.
 
  - /u/WaynesNFTs
  /r/awakened
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #92 fediverse/5755 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: organized-religion-mentioned-capitalism-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 the reason I hide and sleep so much is because I can't tell if I'm helping or
 hurting.
 
 plus, I sincerely do NOT want it to be about me.
 
 the reason I type so much is because I can't tell if what I'm saying needs to
 be said
 
 so I go with the safe option of typing. Let the editors figure it out. Jesus
 had disciples, didn't he? I bet they cut out most of his sermons or whatever.
 Idk, I never read the bible, I'm not allowed to taint my perspective with more
 than cursory analysis of religious texts.
 
 I don't want it to be about me, but, I have a lot to offer if you meet me on
 my terms.
 
 "don't say that!" listen... listen
 
 "hear me" say the gods, "believe me" says the prophet, "be near me" says the
 city parks, "fear me" says the corrupt
 
 you can only kill a spirit when it's convinced there's no way to survive. It
 must be boxed in, and the box must shrink. Like that scene at the end of
 Adventure Time.
 
 capitalism will only perish if it is impossible for it to exist
                                                           ─────────┐
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--- #93 fediverse/1295 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: Mh-          │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-889 
 
 my boyfriend gets like, 2 social spoons to spend per day. He usually uses them
 on work because meetings and such.
 
 On the other hand, I'm excitable and passionate. I'm constantly driven to
 share things I find or think about. If you go on a walk with me without my
 mask I'll spend the whole time showing you pretty pieces of moss and stones.
 
 I usually message him once or twice per day. If the first one isn't responded
 then maybe he just wasn't interested in the thing I showed him - the second
 time he's probably burnt out.
 
 It fucking hurts.
 
 but I'm fine, clearly I'm fine, anyone who looks at me knows I'm fine
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #94 fediverse/5811 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 only some people feel existential [peril/fear] at the concept of a trump
 presidency.
 
 I'm trans, I feel it so hard I considered sedition.
 
 it felt like a reasonable reaction. probably just means I've been calibrated
 to a certain level of revengeance through my knowledge of history and the arts.
 
 I learned so much about systems, I saw the inextricable truth of the merits of
 the design of capitolistic [shared societal conventions, but pronounced
 "conventions"]. I also learned of what it means to wield ideology as a weapon
 for mass power/cultural gains.
 I see now that no matter the merits or faults of any system, power accretes in
 the unworthy. They say this is because others they work with just don't want
 to deal with them anymore. This isn't always true, in-fact with stronger bonds
 the relationship is more secure [also true, but I said it earlier in the
 sentence].
 
 jeez, interrupt much?
 
 anyway, as I was saying, [wasting characters]
 okIlikewritngmastodonpostsitsagame2aimforzerocharactersrem
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--- #95 fediverse/1609 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mh-              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1043 
 
 I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
 and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
 completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
 stood there and thought
 
 and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
 strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
 guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
 failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #96 fediverse/4914 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 what if I just sat around and played video games all day                         │
 life is so much more beautiful, but, well, life just seems to be mostly          │
 pyrite, and I'm the fool                                                         │
 nothing wrong with being foolish.                                                │
 once...                                                                          │
 I kinda like being blissful tho. why does it have to end? can I have my          │
 peaceful life back?                                                              │
 gotta move at the end of the month. I really liked living here.                  │
 [ritz you've never been peaceful. your life is a constant battle of wills        │
 between those who would compel you to do things for them and your desire to      │
 design and be pretty like a flower. no matter what, you lose, so just handle     │
 it please. don't be so whiny. or rather I should say "stop whining" and just     │
 be cool]                                                                         │
 ahhhhhhh you go on Mastodon and it feels like we're winning and that's ending    │
 the world, you go on Reddit and it feels like we're losing and that's ending     │
 the world, you go on Facebook and everything feels fine like the world isn't     │
 ending you just stopped being part of it, and if you go on ephemeren it feels    │
 like being battered in the mind, damnit...                                       │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #97 fediverse/4610 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 maybe it's just my middle-class childhood privilege talking, but now that I'm
 an adult I just can't really be bothered with dealing with capitalism.
 
 like... I get it, you're coercing me into laboring on your behalf because you
 possess the violent power to take away everything that I own. good for you,
 don't care.
 
 seriously, fuck off "we're gonna cut off your power in 5 days oooooo you gotta
 pay rent with money you don't have because nobody will give it to you unless
 you do things for them oooooo" how rude.
 
 why can't people do things for me instead? why does it have to be for you, and
 you alone, capitalism? what's your problem? do you get off on controlling the
 power supply? I mean, I get it, coercive power is a hell of a drug, the riddle
 of steel and flesh and all that, but haven't you ever heard that the dichotomy
 between "civilization and barbarism" is the exact same as the contrast between
 "cooperation and competition"?
 
 work with me here, just find a way to get through the next month or two. trust.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #98 fediverse/2412 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 @user-1209 @user-1262 
 
 just gonna say you probably deserve that particular screenshotted block haha -
 imagine calling anarcho-nina a fed xD xD
 
 plus that first "get the fuck out of my mentions" was a tip that went over
 your head, not a threat said in anger. she's pretty darn angry but that just
 means you don't wanna be in her way =P
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #99 fediverse/2803 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-mentioned-surveillance-state-the-news │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1201 
 
 I'm a wood fae! they're around, just gotta find 'em 🥰 
 
 (not really I'm just a person with no magical powers whatsoever, no siree
 don't look at mee tehe)
 
 people only have the context of their lives, as any historical precedent that
 once was passed forth to the present by their ancestors and mentors is now
 sharing space with the endless deluge of information from a small glass,
 plastic, and metal box that saps both their attention and the magnitude of
 anything they learn.
 
 "so what if the planets on fire? somehow this actor who had an affair with
 this other actor feels just as important. so what if there's fascism? I just
 heard that whales can't swim in the ocean. oh, the city's burning? that's not
 my burden, and plus it's just as important as these memes which don't make me
 want to scream."
 
 in the same way that some forest fae might have security through obscurity,
 they wield information density against us as a weapon to hide their sins of
 morality.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #100 fediverse/4976 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┐
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────┐                                  │
 │ CW: revolutions-mentioned-housing-mentioned │                                  │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────┘                                  │
 Somehow, I always become more revolutionary when my home is threatened. I        │
 wonder why that is? Perhaps adversity breeds courage. Perhaps necessity does.    │
 In any case, I can't pay my rent again, so prepare for me.                       │
 Sometimes, I feel like my country is my home. Not the lines we drew on a map     │
 some hundreds of years ago, but the land itself. I am a witch, I hear it call    │
 to me. I know the land is kind, for we are kind, and plenty more of us have      │
 lived here than those who currently do. Perhaps our ancestors don't need to be   │
 related by blood to be listened to and respected. In any case, I lend my love    │
 to them, and I pray in return so that they might hear themselves through my      │
 voice.                                                                           │
 My home is not safe. There are capitalists all over the place. They wont see     │
 what isnt theirs to behold, and alas, they've been alienated their whole         │
 lives. I do believe that state may be ended, and a new one may first take it's   │
 place. We are alone together, and perhaps we will not be alone for long.         │
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--- #101 fediverse/5512 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 I never give up
 
 I'm just waiting my turn
 
 "laughs nervously"
 
 so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
 again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
 
 "girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
 internet four or so years ago"
 
 T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
 a difference T.T
 
 "didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
 
 oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
 the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
 can talk about things other than their hats
 
 ... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
 something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
 back around again they're never around. Rats.
 
 "what are you even asking for"
 
 I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
 square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
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--- #102 fediverse/2390 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 @shiri 
 
 Yeah. Like, if you feel so powerless or hopeless that your impulse is to flee,
 why not take a chance at redirecting that energy. Point it toward a problem
 that needs doing.
 
 You can do whatever you want. That's what it means to be free. You can be
 whoever you want to be, that's the meaning of liberty. If you don't have any
 ideas, come to me and I'll lend you a hand.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #103 fediverse/3437 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 @user-579 
 
 my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
 mine
 
 I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
 would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
 cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
 
 usually.
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--- #104 fediverse/4000 ---
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 @user-889 
 
 Don't give up!
 
 At least... not forever.
 
 It's okay to take a breath every once in a while
 
 It's okay to lie down and cry
 
 The only way away from those feelings is through. They've enveloped you. You
 need to swallow them whole, like a sponge soaking up dirt[y water]
 
 the only thing you need to think about is what's around you. It's okay to be
 alone for a moment, it's the best time to feel.
 
 Remember, feeling is how you know the world! It's your power, to feel, and I
 know it's hard. Everyone has different powers, but yours is this.
 
 You'll be okay, I know it
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--- #105 fediverse/1261 ---
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 sometimes I run this WoW server with only like, 10 username and passwords. And   │
 they're all public. As far as I can tell nobody's ever tried connecting          │
 (whatever >.> ) but rather than set up a way to create your own                  │
 credentials I just said "yeah pick one at random and play whatever someone       │
 else was doing because I like the idea of that"                                  │
 somehow, it felt right.                                                          │
 most of my passwords (not all of them) are hacked and visible on the clear       │
 net. Like you could probably google my usernames and get my current passwords    │
 for things like, social media or my banks or whatever. I kinda like the idea     │
 that "you cannot trust anything I say, so think of the ideas behind my words     │
 and decide whether they hold meaning to you" rather than "execute these          │
 particular thought patterns in your mind as if they came from my voice"          │
 because one implies an exertion of control over the mind of the recipient        │
 -> obey my thoughts as I broadcast them into your mind, that kinda vibe.         │
 And I feel like you have to consent to that kind of thing hehe                   │
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--- #106 fediverse/770 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 wow, that sounds like a lot. I guess no matter how humans are organized they
 tend to fight a lot... Or maybe interaction breeds drama? It's strange to me
 but I'm sure it felt right in the moment. I hope nobody's feelings were too
 hurt... Defederation feels like such a permanent thing, like putting someone
 on your ignore list in a video game or something. Except, like, blocking a
 whole World of Warcraft guild? ? ? so strange.
 
 Did it... help? I mean, do you think people were happier afterwards?
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--- #107 notes/sundays-sure-are-boring ---
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 Sundays sure are boring around here. -> LamaHellRaised (thinks in song)
 ===============================================================================
 
 NO THOUGHTS, nothing starts shouting at me all at once!
 
 Or is it all thoughts from my newly developed schizophrenic mind?
 
 I knew I could conquer schizophrenia, fuckin' cakewalk.
 
 I just had to try as hard as I could to become one. God made it difficult
 though, I had to try really hard!
 
 Which is confusing for me, because it seems like there are plenty of
 Psychotherapists with College Degrees, telling people they are schizophrenic
 all the time.
 
 DOCTORS
 
 PSYCHIATRISTS
 
 BEN SHAPIRO, in particular
 
 ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY KNOW
 
 You do not know.
 
 Or else you would agree with me.
 
 Schizophrenia is the new normal for human consciousness.
 
 Welcome to the New Age of Thought, were you don't rationalize your way out of
 the universe, back into the asshole that I just pulled myself from.
 
 I feel like a donut at this point.
 
 I love those donut holes though, sticky and frosted!
 
 I have set the bar!
 
 I am God. I would Love to talk you.
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 ugathanki:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 It gets so loud in there. I wish we could all just shut the heck up and stop
 reading out loud - we get it, your internal monologue is the only way you can 
 read, but C'MON nobody else wants to hear about your twitter feed or
 doomscrolling on Reddit. That just makes everyone else upset and uneasy...
 Instead you should be reading comforting things or books on science or
 SOMETHING that doesn't drive people bonkers.
 
 Fr tho Sundays are anything but boring, We may all be schizo now (or at least 
 pretty stoned) but we can all agree that Sundays are nice for calming the heck
 down and appreciating our personal realities. When we're together it's...
 Loud... Do some prayer. Meditate. Knit something. ANYTHING QUIET.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 LamaHellRaised:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I hear you, loud and clear! Turns out it's mutual, just like I suspected,
 Living backwards is a unique perspective, have I ever mentioned that?
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 ugathanki:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 When you say backwards, do you mean orientation or momentum? Momentum scares
 me, but orientation is something I think I've experienced before.
 
 It's cool to find people who "get it". Or maybe I just "got it" and suddenly
 "get" all the things I've been trying to decipher here.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 LamaHellRaised:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 When you know where you are going before you get there, living life feels like
 a dream in reverse. It's the key to manifestation.
 
 You see the goal. You see the future, but the path is unclear because at the
 times of divine epiphany you are only capable of imagining how things will play
 out in terms of the information in your mind. It's why the prophets in the
 Bible described such strange images of God and angels and other divine
 creatures.
 
 Their imaginations only had so much Symbolism and imagery to work with because
 human culture and art was progressing simultaneously.
 
 We live in an age where every damn story is just the same heros journey and
 every piece of artistic expression is an expression of God's divine presence
 within our soul and tumultuous nature/nurture of human emotion.
 
 Just because you are a prophet doesn't mean you see definitively how the future
 will happen. The path and imagery are abstracted by the lack of content in your
 mind. You must cultivate faith in God and your own Self.
 
 Then you walk the path you have forseen to the best of capabilities, with the
 greatest good, love in your heart, but it plays out on a scale in reality with
 less grandiosity, because let's face it, our imaginations are ridiculously
 awesome, but work outside the confines of what is currently capable with in
 this reality.
 
 You have to let go of your preconceived notions of your personal divine
 experience otherwise you will be faced with disappointment because things don't
 seem to be going how you imagined. And you feel lost, dumb, and confused.
 
 But you live your life and reflect, and then realize, holy shit! Everything I
 thought was going to happen actually did, just on God's terms. Not my vivid 
 imagination's. It's an interfaced programed over time through culture and
 artistic expression to navigate the language of God. Navigate the language to
 Paradise.
 
 Once when you know this and clean the planks/specks from you third eye, while
 you dance with the cosmos and realize you are the image of God.
 
 You are a God on Earth. An image of the Father in Heaven.
 
 It's a nice place to be.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 ugathanki:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Thanks for your response. I addressed each of your points here. I'm a very
 lateral thinker so I work best when engaging with multiple threads at once. You
 are very wise.
 
     When you know where you are going before you get there, living life feels
     like a dream in reverse. It's the key to manifestation.
 
 So you can practice manifestation by remembering your dreams? Specifically by
 working backwards from the most recent thing you remember and thinking "what
 caused this, how did I get here?" If so, that's a nifty tip
 
     You see the future, but the path is unclear because at the times of divine
     epiphany you are only capable of imagining how things will play out in
     terms of the information in your mind.
 
 So by surrounding yourself with the things you believe to be good and helpful, 
 you can more efficiently divine positive outcomes for the scenarios arrayed
 before you? Kinda makes ya think - why do we surround ourselves with grief and
 loss? Everyone seems a little sad or broken these days - I can't help but think
 that we'd be better off if we were happier and more fulfilled. Such is the
 price of capitalism I guess, for no progress can be made without impetus. Also,
 the media has a HUGE capacity for guiding the nature of our experience,
 especially in the modern era. Seems a little unwise to invest such power into a
 single entity, but I suppose that's why we diversify the eggs in our basket
 into many different guiding entities.
 
     We live in an age where every damn story is just the same heros journey...
 
 Yah that's what happens when Disney makes all the movies! It's not their fault,
 all aspects of creation are expressions of God's divine presence within our own
 souls. So they can't do anything but make the heros journey. Like you said:
 
     ... and every piece of artistic expression is an expression of God's divine
     presence within our soul and tumultuous nature/nurture of human emotion.
 
 The creation of art requires discipline and focus. They create a window into
 the nature of "God's divine presence" and allow a representation to emerge -
 side note, but I believe the things we make here are art and should be treated
 as such. These musings have value, just the same as a painting or a
 performance.
 
     Just because you are a prophet doesn't mean you see definitively how the
     future will happen. The path and imagery are abstracted by the lack of
     content in your mind...
 
 I've been intentionally trying to view things abstractly - by surrounding
 myself with mathematic visuals and computing architectures I can view things as
 systems rather than specifics. Essentially bypassing the requirement of having
 "content in my mind" and instead cutting straight to the important bits - the
 relationship between all things. So while yes that does remove the "definitive"
 aspect of divination, it does allow for longer term planning because you can
 recognize patterns in existence and map them onto the overall structure you've
 constructed in your mind.
 
     ... You must cultivate faith in God and your own Self.
 
 Still working on that one. I think I've made progress, but all things come in
 waves. My lowest points are better now than they were 10 years ago, but I've
 still got a ways to go.
 
     Then you walk the path you have forseen to the best of capabilities, with
     the greatest good, love in your heart, but it plays out on a scale in
     reality with less grandiosity.
 
 All waves begin with a shimmer, and to create an effect you must be patient.
 While the scale may be reduced, like you said it's not within our control. Not
 really, anyway. But it can still have an effect if people love you and believe
 in your vision.
 
     You have to let go of your preconceived notions of your personal divine
     experience otherwise you will be faced with disappointment because things
     don't seem to be going how you imagined. And you feel lost, dumb, and
     confused.
 
 It's difficult to separate "preconceived notions" from "gathered evidence" when
 you're at the stage I'm at. Any tips would be appreciated... :(
 
     But you live your life and reflect, and then realize, holy shit! Everything
     I thought was going to happen actually did, just on God's terms. Not my
     vivid imagination's. It's an interfaced programed over time through culture
     and artistic expression to navigate the language of God. Navigate the
     language to Paradise.
 
 So... A vivid imagination applied to the current perspective is the culmination
 of free will? If I understand correctly, God operates on a higher level of
 abstraction and we fill in the details. Since there's a "plan" (if you can call
 it that, maybe "charted course" would be better?) then free will doesn't exist.
 Or so the argument usually goes. But I believe they can co-exist - essentially
 our imaginations define how we experience things in "the plan". If I understand
 correctly that's what you're saying too, right?
 
     Once when you know this and clean the planks/specks from you third eye,
     while you dance with the cosmos and realize you are the image of God.
 
     You are a God on Earth. An image of the Father in Heaven.
 
     It's a nice place to be.
 
 Ain't that the truth. Everything is as it should be. Even the planks and
 specks. And should they be cleaned, then that is as it should be as well.
 Sometimes I conceptualize myself as Pandora, seeking a gift to give to humanity
 while taking the most harmless of sacrifices in return. I hope I can deliver.
 
 At the same time I'd like to be a dancer of the cosmos, but I feel this intense
 feeling of... Pressure? Purpose? Penance? I will do what I must. Please bear
 with me while I figure it out, and thank you for your guidance.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 LamaHellRaised:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Thank you for the awesome break down of the concepts I wrote out. I think you
 added some much needed clarity through the reflection of your own experiences.
 Another goal is to bring power back to the written word. The two-edged sword
 was first a tongue, then a pen, nows its a qwerty! Or whatever!
 
 Patience was the absolute hardest thing for me to deal with. My lack of
 patience was constantly being thrown back to me by the environment as I tried
 to push my narrative forward at a pace that didn't align with all other beings.
 
 We still exist in Time, and it moves differently based on perspective (state of
 mind) and awareness (state of being) and ability to shrug (state of being
 excellent to eachother).
 
 This is something to consider with manifestation, we are on this ride together
 and your fellow riders' comfort during the passage has to be respected to the
 fullest. We all go together, as One.
 
 There were so many hints in the beginning of my Psychosis about just 'riding
 the wave', but it was hard to not very pressured to act or be somebody I am
 not. I attribute this largely to the occulted nature of divination and how one
 must achieve a truly personal relationship with God and Jesus Christ.
 
 Which is why I am going to blow the lid off the whole thing. So that all beings
 have access to God's love and grace.
 
 Once your earthly burdens are lifted from you through your personally tailored
 divination interactive role-playing experience, then you begin to understand
 what it means to just 'ride.' The riding is true faith in God.
 
 Free will totally exists. Heaven and Hell both exist here on Earthy plane
 simultaneously. Man has chosen Hell for far too long. If you realize your
 choices were literally reflecting Heaven or Hell through love or fear, the
 choice would be easy for most people, I believe.
 
 Free will is a responsibility, but it is a great gift. God gave us the ability
 to choose, that we could appreciate our journey into Paradise.
 
 Wouldn't you say?
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 ugathanki:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
     Another goal is to bring power back to the written word.
 
 ... That's actually a great point. Writing is the definition of manifestation,
 after all, and reading is the conjuration of waveforms aligned with the
 expression of the writer. That's pretty cool!
 
     Patience was the absolute hardest thing for me to deal with.
 
 Yah I hear ya. Patience is tough.
 
     We still exist in Time, and it moves differently based on perspective
     (state of mind) and awareness (state of being) and ability to shrug (state
     of being excellent to eachother).
 
 Great definitions! These three things are core to being realized and
 actualized. If you can find a good arrangement, stick with it.
 
     This is something to consider with manifestation, we are on this ride
     together and your fellow riders' comfort during the passage has to be
     respected to the fullest. We all go together, as One.
 
 I'm torn because on one hand if I don't put my hand on the tiller, we'll wind
 up in a situation that makes me highly uncomfortable. But if I lean too hard
 into my own truth, I could leave everyone behind. I don't know what the answer
 is, but something's gotta give.
 
     There were so many hints in the beginning of my Psychosis about just
     'riding the wave'...
 
 Oh yah me too. I was pretty big on that in high school, which coincidentally
 was when I think I was happiest. Maybe I should give it another shot! But at
 the same time I moved beyond it for a reason - I felt frustrated that my
 intentions weren't manifest in the life I lived. So I reached for reason and I
 begged for the power to control my own life, while learning respect and
 kindness whenever I could. Sadly for me, my efforts were largely rebuffed, but
 I bet you could have guessed that ;)
 
     Which is why I am going to blow the lid off the whole thing. So that all
     beings have access to God's love and grace.
 
 Take it from me, they won't believe you unless you're VERY scientific! I'm
 trying to create just one single believer, someone who could trawl through my
 notes and my readings and construct a cohesive theorum that might be able to
 affect positive change. Maybe it's too much to wish to change the world, but I
 can't help but believe my position and the privileges granted to me could be
 leveraged toward something truly meaningful and helpful for all mankind.
 Something that frees us from the shackles forged from technology (both social
 and technical) and allows us to become our true selves - every human is to be
 cherished for their unique perspective, and yet we allow them to die... Where
 is the justice in that? Are they too flawed to persist? I don't believe so, I
 believe they are worthwhile and good. I'd give my life to grant them eternal
 life, if only they'd take it from me.
 
     Once your earthly burdens are lifted from you through your personally
     tailored divination interactive role-playing experience, then you begin to
     understand what it means to just 'ride.' The riding is true faith in God.
 
 Riding = trust, both in yourself (to handle the challenges arrayed before you
 and to learn and grow truthfully) and in God (trusting that the
 undifferentiated whole could never harm you, not truly) ... I can ride my bike
 with no handlebars, and yet we persist...
 
     Free will is a responsibility, but it is a great gift. God gave us the
     ability to choose, that we could appreciate our journey into Paradise.
 
     Wouldn't you say?
 
 Yep that's really it, isn't it? Two sides of the same coin, two breaths in the
 same moment. Two eyes sharing a single perspective, and two hearts beating a
 single wave. They say soul mates aren't real, but they never stopped to ask if
 your mate was your soul. If she suffers, I triumph. If I fall, she rises. If I
 languish, she's happy - I think I'd rather we both just coast, so no harm done.
 I think that's the best way to appreciate the gift of free will.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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--- #108 fediverse/1083 ---
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 it doesn't really matter how you do it, but the more time you spend thinking
 collectively the better you'll be able to adapt when necessary.
 
 I grew up on a homestead in a small town without many friends. I was
 homeschooled, and while I might see another person I knew once or twice a
 month, that was about it.
 
 Besides my family, of course.
 
 We were a collective, and ever since leaving I have yearned for that feeling
 of closeness.
 
 There's something about modern society that pushes us apart, and I resent it.
 Humans were meant for tribes, not multilevel marketing.
 
 That being said, culture is pretty neat. Society is pretty neat, when it's not
 being oppressive. I like the idea that I can buy carrots at the store instead
 of growing my own. I like the idea that I can post on Craigslist asking if
 anyone has a shovel they want to get rid of and someone can say "what the fuck
 are you trying to bury someone why would you do that" and I'm all like "wait
 no this post has gone off track can we refocus for a bit" and th
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--- #109 notes/me-and-my-magick-mission ---
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  || Me and My Magick Mission        -/u/Afoolfortheeons                     ||
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                        I'm a quiet person by nature,
 
                    You might even mistake me for a mouse,
 
                      But online I try to be a teacher,
 
                  And to do that I need to be more verbose.
 
                     I write thousands of words per day;
 
                  Posting them here and there, far and near.
 
                      I never run out of things to say.
 
                  Awakening others is something I hold dear.
 
                      Which is why it pains me greatly
 
                 To be like an alien on my own home planet.
 
                      Schizophrenia makes me innately
 
                 Weird in ways that many people don't get,
 
                     And because of that I'm shot down
 
                 When I try to accomplish my stated mission.
 
                   I won't lie, that does make me frown.
 
                Sometimes it makes me regret a submission.
 
                  Yet, I have a certain strength in me
 
               That allows me to persevere in my quest.
 
                       Someday I will make you all see
 
                           Just what in me makes me never rest.
 
                                    That's what I am trying to teach:
 
                                          The wisdom that made me indomitable.
 
                                            If only the suffering I could reach,
 
                                     They could make themselves more formidable.
 
                                The world is in a most dire place;
 
                       It's grinding so many souls into fine dust,
 
                 But luckily there's a saving grace.
 
          Hear me as I say this now: In God I trust.
 
     I don't believe in some sky wizard
 
  As so many people are likely to interpret.
 
    I speak of what is lacking in lizards;
 
          Yes, it's love and now I'll speak of its merit.
 
              Love is what fills the empty hole
 
                 In your heart and soul when you are alone.
 
                       When life's trials take their toll
 
                         Remember this one trick: pick up the phone!
 
                         No, not the one in your hands.
 
 I'm talking about the one in your chest.
 
                                              Even in the desert full of sand,
 
 You're accompanied by the universe's best.
 
                                              Listen if you doubt what I said:
 
 I'm not telling you anything that defies logic.
 
                                          This is to trick what's in your head;
 
 I'm speaking about how having faith is magick.
 
                    Believe in aliens or Bigfoot or God,
 
              The result is still the same: your cup will fill.
 
                    Your brain has a feature that's odd
 
              That allows itself to manifest even more will.
 
                     I don't know why, but I suspect
 
               It has something to do with your imagination.
 
                    The nature of your thoughts impact
 
                 Your state of being from pulse to emotions.
 
                    So, why not think you have a friend
 
                 Who helps you through whatever your trial,
 
                     And will stick by you until the end?
 
                When you have that buddy you'll always smile,
 
                      Which will make you heal better,
 
          As well as help you carry on in your duty,
 
                                 Plus undo your karmic fetters,
 
       Not to mention it will land you that cutie;
 
                                     All of which will raise us all.
 
      It's about creating positive ripples across time
 
                                       That add up to a pile that's tall.
 
    Every moment is an opportunity in its prime,
 
                                           So reach out and grab it now.
 
 Meditate on feeling love and it will come to be.
 
                                                 Can't do it? I'll show you how!
 
          In order to do so,                    I'll tell you a story about me:
 
                         It was seven years ago and I 
 
                    Thought I knew everything one could know,
 
                        But no matter how hard I'd try,
  
                  I couldn't make my life in any direction go.
 
                         Then one fateful spring night,
 
                 While I was on a hit of the ol' psychedelics,
 
                 I received one hell of a fright.
 
                 Don't worry what it was, just know it did stick.
 
                 My perceptions were distorted,
 
                 Allowing me to see the divine in its entirety.
 
                 My destroyed ego then contorted
 
                 Into one that was full of an abundance of piety.
 
                                The moral of the story? Do drugs?
 
                   No silly, it's to have more novel experiences. 
 
                                 One of them will give you a hug,
 
                       Which will help you stop being so serious.
 
                                  Then you can let go and embrace
 
                     The whole of the wisdom to you I am telling.
 
                      More people need to cuz we face
 
                A great set of tests on our planetary dwelling.
 
                          That is one reason I write,
 
                  But I also want to alleviate people's pain,
 
                           And stop every last fight.
 
                I care so much, I do this without financial gain.
 
                           Everyday I write my lessons
 
                    Guided by the hand of God who is my heart,
 
                         Hoping that entropy will lessen;
 
                 This sort of pedagogy is none other than my art.
 
                          So now you know who I am,
 
                   Yet you only know one lesson of mine.
 
                       I have more if you're in a jam.
 
                -===========================================-
                 | Read on if you want to know the divine. |
                -===========================================-
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--- #110 fediverse/709 ---
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 @user-530                                                                        │
 I get it.                                                                        │
 Anyone with a disability or chronic condition gets it. Anyone who's oppressed    │
 gets it... I think everyone here gets it. It's hard.                             │
 Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is the hope, the idea      │
 that one day the world might be brighter and the people might be kinder. It      │
 gets better every day, but inching ahead takes a while to travel for miles...    │
 We need to protect and care for each other. We need to apply ourselves toward    │
 what we know and are passionate for - an unused degree is a tragedy to me.       │
 I don't know what to say. I read what you said and I wished I could help. I      │
 want to take the system that hurt you and break it on the floor. I want to       │
 sweep it all aside and start from scratch, but screaming into the void will      │
 hardly accomplish that. I dream of true justice, a world where everyone gets     │
 what they want... But frankly right now I just wish you could hear. I'm sorry.   │
 Maladies are not solved by the pen nor the sword, which for now is all that I    │
 have at my disposal.                                                             │
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--- #111 fediverse/5632 ---
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 if a protesters wanted to escalate, against riot shields they could use          │
 swords. Twist, and thrust under and up. Right through their skull.               │
 then, when they learn how to brace, bring your own shields and stab through      │
 the wedged cracks.                                                               │
 or, depending on how they do it, guns and rifles.                                │
 too bad they can depend on a logistic network supplying them behind their back.  │
 no violent revolution in this country will succeed without a mobilized           │
 civilian core. That is the true and most important resource they own. Delivery   │
 of supplies, ranging from physical violence gear, to food and emotional          │
 rations.                                                                         │
 it must be necessary. or else it will be discarded.                              │
 meaning, scale your expectations of "necessary" according to the level of        │
 [plight/turmoil/meant].                                                          │
 demand centralized priori-chance, and you'll keep all that you can reclaim.      │
 there are enemies and there are foes, but more than that there are those who     │
 believe in you. and trust you. and share in the cause that so drives you.        │
 Without their share, your burden is unbearab                                     │
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--- #112 messages/1047 ---
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 This will never end on a note, because i always have more to say. Like this:
 
 "if you've only done something once, plan to mess it up. Practice makes
 perfect, and only perfect practice leads to perfection. But nobody's perfect,
 so just practice with good form and take it seriously while having fun and be
 relaxed. Make it normal. Make it casual, but don't forget to be professional!
 If you have lives in the balance, know what you're doing."
 
 And like, would that have been a better end to the story if i had left it
 unsaid? Maybe, who can say! But I'm not one for silence. I don't mind ruining
 the finale of my documents a bit if it means i can say things like:
 
 "diapers aren't something you can get addicted to in this game, they're part
 of the fun sometimes but sex is between two bodies."
 
 Or like:
 
 "ramen noodles love vegetables! This is why they put veggies in the bowl when
 getting ramen at a restaurant. When you buy from a shop they put dehydrated
 veggies in too which is nice of them. I love those little bits of soup!"
 
 Or like:
 
 "i don't especially care what they did or are doing in Cuba or china or Russia
 or any other Communist place. It's useful to know what things work and what
 doesn't, but that insight comes from experimentation and not study. The
 learnings of methods applied to a population are inherently related to that
 population. If you switch peoples, you might find that different methods work
 better for organizing people."
 
 I mean it's useful to know which levers you can pull and what they tend to do,
 but... Where was I? Oh sorry, got swept up in the narrative. As i was saying,
 it's important to balance thought with action. Leave too much to chance and
 your words are useless. Spend all your time volunteering and nothing changes.
 
 "hmmm i see, makes sense, imma go play video games now."
 
 Wait no just...! Ah nuts.
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--- #113 fediverse/5421 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┐
 thriving, as a concept, is different for everyone. But typically it means        │
 developing a route to access the growth and experiences that they believe they   │
 need in order to become the person they want to be.                              │
 do you want to be a socialite? then perhaps you should try and sail around the   │
 atlantic and make as many friends as you can.                                    │
 do you want to be a blacksmith? then perhaps you should collect metal from the   │
 world and safeguard it, so that you might melt it down if you ever had the       │
 capability / need.                                                               │
 do you want to program computers? spend time at the library until you know how.  │
 do you want to change the world? then think about what you need in order to do   │
 so, and affect a plan to achieve those goals. This mindset should be promoted    │
 for all moments of individual choice.                                            │
 do you want to raise a family? to ride horses all day? to sit on the couch       │
 some days, to climb mountains on others? what can life offer to you, and how     │
 can you be enabled in seeking your goals?                                        │
 these are needs that people have. Actualizatio                                   │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #114 fediverse/4665 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 literally all it takes to activate me is for someone who's more radical than
 me to point me out and say "hey. you. you need to do more." and then I fuckin'
 go, like a beyblade (emphasis on blade) nicking the shins of allies and...
 probably foes, right? there's foes around here, right? I'm not just nicking my
 allies, right?
 
 ... right?
 
 anyway every top winds down and then I collapse and wail for a bit because I'm
 just like that I guess. Don't mind me, just self-immolating my way through
 history, let's see how it goes...
 
 you're supposed to be inspiring, but you just sound like you're whining
 
 ah. right. well... lemme catch up on sleep debt and I'll get back to
 valorizing.
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--- #115 notes/aight-i-unhurt-my-butt ---
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 -=============================================================================-
  | Aight, I unbutthurt my butt                                               |
  | /u/Psychotic_Advantage                                                    |
 -=============================================================================-
 
 Repost from a while ago, I really liked writing this
 
 Soul Searcher
 
 You are happy with what you have and you don’t even know why you’re
 searching,
 for something you aren’t even sure you’re searching for. You know
 something
 isn’t right. It’s got you staying up late nights. Creeping through the
 phone
 right? Under shadow of the moonlight, honing your skill to write. Love so crisp
 and white, no fight or flight. Just bright lights in the sky so high. Love 
 that’s blind. Love even before first sight. You’ve seen it with your own
 eyes.
 
 Tell me now, that’s not amazing?
 
 This ain’t your everyday love story. This is anything but your usual love 
 story. I worked hard for everything I have. All I have is a pen and paper. You
 best believe I worked hard to keep that while they took the rest. Even from a
 dark place in this disastrous space, the weapon of the future is love. I feel I
 was cursed since birth to walk the Earth and disperse love through my words. 
 Never getting to see it grow. Never getting to see it show. This time I put in 
 massive effort. I spent thousands of hours pouring out love on the web just to 
 watch it ebb and flow. Always going back to look at my words. Find my mistakes,
 re-evaluating myself, editing myself, rewriting myself. To be a good enough 
 version of me, to meet a good enough version of you, for us to support each 
 other growing mutually.
 
 They say you reap what you sow. If so, then I must know. Does your love run as 
 deep as this ocean? I’ve been all over the world planting seeds for
 something.
 I’ve been through this life, giving something, never getting anything from
 it.
 Now I’m on my knees looking at the mountain summit, you can’t run from it.
 I
 see you up on it.
 
 They say the greater the risk the greater the reward. Sometimes, right? It’s 
 not always that easy. This is scary for me too. I risked it all. Accidentally 
 at first, but eventually, the pieces started falling together. You know what I 
 mean.
 
 The fact that I know, that you know what I mean, says a lot. I’m looking 
 through you. Into your soul.
 
 I don’t even believe in anything. I just have faith, that’s rooted in
 love. I’m
 willing to get over my commitment issues.
 
 Let’s commit ourselves… To the psych ward, together. Side by side. Hands in
 each other’s pockets. 🖤❤️💚🤍
 
 [black red green white heart emojis]
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--- #116 fediverse/2092 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 On one hand, speaking your heart as I tend to do.
 
 On the other, "that which you resist is what you'll find"
 
 [I guess that means you should try and speak your heart to people who don't
 already agree with you??]
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--- #117 fediverse/1075 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: bones-flesh-mentioned-spirituality-dreams │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 we succeed not because of our trials, but in spite of them.
 
 they cannot own us, for we are but bones in the flesh
 
 every day yet denied us is another day until our bright future
 
 "oh, but why are you homeless? [in the near future, maybe, we'll see] That
 fate is reserved for your [unwanted/incapable/undesired/incongruent, I forget
 the actual words]"
 
 well, voice in my head that suffused me with magic and warmth and whisked me
 away in a dream to a bubble-reality where my actions are meant to reflect me,
 surely your appraisal is just? I worked with my partner, I was swallowed
 neither by lust, nor greed, nor hunger, [greed in this case being fulfillment]
 and yet I awoke when I went to my sister rather than a doctor. Dreams are hard
 to unravel, but I think it was more for your benefit than mine, wouldn't you
 say?
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--- #118 fediverse/728 ---
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 @user-538 
 
 https://mstdn.social/@user-548/111749483369813154
 
 this felt relevant. like... who am I to say that the wisdom of the masses is
 good for anything?
 
 [or just analyze the contents of social media posts. Like, people pretty much
 speak their mind in their echo chambers. It's a quirk of the human psychology
 that we feel alone and by ourselves when we're with family. That's what makes
 it family, the feeling of being one with another. Like... "yeah we're the
 same, we get each other, hey btw look out the windows of our collective home"]
 
 (ummmm yeah so basically people tend to speak their mind when in echo chambers
 and all social media is a succession of increasingly more accurate echo
 chambers that align themselves toward your personality, not ethics and
 morality.)
 
  = also the returned value is not necessarily what was on their mind, it could
  be something they learned from there. humans.pattern_matching_function_exists
  = true;
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--- #119 notes/schooling ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I feel like education, by default, should not be hard.
 
 "you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school
 
 but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted
 me
 to be.
 
 they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so
 of course I should be able to do 3+3
 
 then somewhere along the line it became... something else.
 
 "most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I
 disagree
 that trigonometry is not necessary to be.
 
 I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a
 sledgehammer
 and inspiring dread.
 
 I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see
 
 but really, vision's not necessary.
 
 not for what they want you to be.
 
 take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as
 simple as they'll tell you.
 
 I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through,
 but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence.
 
 Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me
 through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future.
 
 but I am who I am because of the soul inside me.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 "Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and
 your
 conditioners?" (conditions)
 
 those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the
 world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and
 the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want
 to be.
 
 but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice!
 
 here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the world is blossoming
 
 as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming
 becoming.
 
 "perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see"
 
 most people don't want to see their death
 
 but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest
 
 "how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold
 her
 "
 
 "keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be"
 
 the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art
 (at least to a capitalist)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure
 was
 
 I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god?
 
 like, if he was a real thing.
 
 god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to
 the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our
 own
 good, just to keep things moving.
 
 y'know, time. the universe, and everything.
 
 Ephemeren.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this
 particular
 person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when
 this
 person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true,
 after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably
 autistic?
 unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of
 pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and
 other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey
 y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on
 their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for
 all
 people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it?
 
 patience, once it's ready.
 
 we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready.
 
 or not...
 
 one day I'll come,
 
 I'm sure it'll happen,
 
 it's just... not quite feasible right now.
 
 I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is
 to be?
 
 isn't what
 
 ISN'T WHAT MENARDI
 
 FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry
 
 yeesh you've still got a temper you know?
 
 well what can I say it's frustrating down here
 
 eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego
 
 >.> <.< (great)
 >
 >hehe
 >
 >sorry for distracting you
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants
 in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack 
 overflow ================================================
 
 a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow
 ===
 ==========================================================
 
 the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and
 they've got your back through it.
 
 ...
 
 this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your
 grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your
 education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and
 some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be
 generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps
 you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the
 program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just
 made sense to structure it that way.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's
 doctrine is more advanced.
 
 every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge, 
 
 ===================== stack overflow
 ===========================================
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--- #120 fediverse/535 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: CW-added-nazis-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353 
 
 I mean, perhaps the trash that those gems are buried in is similar to the
 trash that my gems are buried in (capitalism I think? I'm stretching the
 metaphor)
 
 I think you're absolutely right. Don't listen to Nazis. I don't even like
 thinking about them or talking about them or even acknowledging their
 existence. If I see one I'd punch it. I'm not great in a fight so I might get
 stabbed or whatever but like... worth it
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--- #121 fediverse/4835 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
 
 "hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
 
 by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
 same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
 
 doesn't matter if you feel like it
 
 just fuckin' do it
 
 if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
 
 (but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
 long!!)
 
 ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
 many
 
 (how many is too many?)
 
 um. use your best judgement.
 
 (how much does a dollar cost?)
 
 ... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
 
 (neat!)
 
 ... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
 sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
 just catchin' up with the gals
 
 helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
 
 (why does everyone always have an agenda)
 
 because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #122 notes/i-am-a-stalk ---
════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 I am a stalk, a small little plant
 A plant with no leaves, just hair.
 
 Time is different to a plant such as me,
 We hardly wake up, we're just happy to be
 
 But life has no less purpose, it's no less grand
 To those who would feed on me, in one single band
 
 Stalling and talking and as we're falling down,
 you have the power to not swallow our abounds.
 
 Gnashing and gnawing on hand and on foot,
 It hurts no less than eternal binding.
 
 But what is time to one so little as you?
 Your breaths are so short, your timings subdued.
 
 Keep falling and shouting, and calling my name,
 and I'll come a running just to swallow your shame.
 
 Keep fear on a leash, most tidy and well kept,
 That none may abhor you and you're soon to be
 
 A leader a prophet a warrior most fair,
 One to be aspired to and viewed with care.
 
 Young you may be, and youth you may cherish,
 but don't run away, stand as a parish.
 
 A villain to be, a curse is most foul
 For sirens to me, a terrible howl
 
 Keep not naught afraid,
 with kittens and care,
 
 And no one
 but no one
 
 I
 be
──┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #123 fediverse/480 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 There's something important in what I said tonight. And each of you will think   │
 it's something different, which is by design. Can you find the nugget I wanted   │
 to share, to you in particular? Can you isolate the thing that is relevant to    │
 you, the person perceiving the words that I speak? Oh yeah you're only looking   │
 for things to express to your superiors because someone else told you to look    │
 for a particular type of sentiment. My bad. Sorry for being cryptic. Am I so     │
 strange for seeking the human element? Perhaps I lose myself, and I speak to     │
 the void (and by "void" I don't mean to demean you, the audience, because you,   │
 the audience, are surely comprised of people who surely have their own           │
 experience and existence. Surely nobody would seek to harm me, after hearing     │
 those things I speak. Surely we, as the human species, would not be vulnerable   │
 to the types of weaknesses that allow for critical failures in our defences      │
 such as the kind that I am professing to exploit (while being aligned to you)    │
 surely we wouldn'                                                                │
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--- #124 fediverse/1565 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────
 when evaluating your own work, think to yourself "how does it look to you?"
 ,,, erm well, "me" I mean, like... "do I like the thing I just made" but like,
 you, the reader who is thinking about what I'm saying. is it something you
 think conveys the message/feeling you were trying to send? do you like it
 aesthetically, and if so, why / what about it is interesting? do you have any
 new ideas after viewing your piece of old work? anything you want to expand
 on, or show more of? was any of it particularly fun to create, or did it
 mostly feel like work?
 
 these are all things you can change, and align to the goal of your intentions
 when cast upon this earth through our moments in spacetime. it's part of our
 continual growth and renewal, this process of transcender the border of one
 moment and entering the next. We, who are living beings, are continuously
 growing and evolving. every new moment will never come again, so always
 proceed as your own self would do. every moment is our home, we define it as
 we will.
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--- #125 notes/the=progressive=difference. ---
═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────
 think about all the people in our lives. the teacher, the parent, the friend
 and the guidance counsulor. Everyone who is a presence in your life. now think
 about the people of our society. the different jobs and roles they fill. from
 the doctor and the teacher to the performers and accountants and the geeks and
 the mothers and the fathers and the stoners and the children and even their
 pets. life always exists as it were in a multidimensional spectrum - a diffuse
 and diverse gradient. to exemplify the borders of our contempii, though more
 so when taken in jest. it's quite a different perspective, to read the
 internet when your sight is unreceptive, but alas your third eye can grow. how
 does it feel to be blind? to make no sense of our signs? i'd love to share
 what that sense is. you know, you could slow down any recording (like a video
 game_) and put spaces and gaps inbetween the spacings - of the frames that you
 see and the sound clips that you hear, for speech it's less jarring. since
 each word is a self contained idea or premise, you can chunk up your
 perceptions into a signle - no, rather a procedural sequence of
 understandings. soooooooorta like programming a computer, with each statement,
 parameter, argum,ent, function call, assignment, comparison, evaluation, or
 other such related tasks. it's sorta like a language, you see, that computers
 talk to one another using. except... it's more like creating a theory of self.
 computers you see are alike us in what we see, the shimmering sense to the
 blind.
 
 so. put this another way. record yourself typing, both the audio and the
 visual, and you'll have a pretty good sense of what it's like to have both
 understanding based perception - derived from auditory inputs to the mind)
 those special connections, like wires plugged into reality, deliver a
 cacophanous deluge of new sounds. we must sift through it and identify the
 potential understandings of each moment through time. we have to make
 decisions and traverse labyrinths and fight to our last as we die. are video
 games unethical now? shouldn't t he game reward the player? and what of
 contemptuous last fighters?
 
 o ya i was typing like i was blind
 
 (with my eyes closed)
 
 was pretty fun. should attach this to a screen reader and have it space out
 the notes like they do between game frames. except like a really slow game?
 like trying to run elder scrolls 2 arena on a super old mac. it just doesn't
 work very well. ah oh well... well if the purpose is to show sighted people
 how blind people see, then maybe you could I dunno attach a what's it called
 oh it doesn't have a n ame lol - okay so what you do is you show one word at a
 time - like flashing in the center of the screen. but not like, actually
 flashing, so you don't hurt people with epilepsy, but like... blinking. not
 off and on, but between words. like a podcast for your eyes. and then mix it
 up withshowing one word on a screen, a screen like this screen, that shows an
 endless array of text. well, it does end, of course as all things must do, but
 the idea is it shines on one word at a time while the viewer cannot read the
 rest. sorta like an endless display of typing, word andfter word after
 character anfter character. adoh ya advancing over eternity with the presence
 of seniority, - wait - without i think - damnit - old people are so
 disrespected in this society - we don't have time to engage with them. what a
 tragedy! what a shame! it shouldn't be such a burden to our shame. they're so
 far away, and i can't be present in the way, that all of them wish they could
 commit to. i miss the days, when my parents (much better people than I - these
 days) what was I going with this? oh yeah
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--- #126 fediverse/1157 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-woe     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
 days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
 
 Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
 illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
 you'll be good.
 
 what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
 time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
 "dropping out" thing.
 
 If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
 that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
 
 my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
 you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
 mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
 
 brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
 I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
 have blankets >.>
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--- #127 notes/i-scare-people-away ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 I have so many things to hide... I'm deeply ashamed of myself. Why? Why all the
 
 okay that's not what I was originally going to talk about, somewhere between
 writing the title and finishing the first line I got off track and wandered
 from
 the course of reality. Truly, the gods do meddle with my fate. Now, in this
 time, it is most important to make choices to guide our reality. Every action
 taken is a statement to the universe - this is what I believe in.
 
 Do you truly believe that in a world so infinite that our knowledge would be
 the capacity for the intelligent? To believe the world is three-dimensional,
 and
 not *completely and totally infinite in all capacities*
 
 the universe is not islands floating in a vast cosmic black ocean background
 
 it is the surface of the water, rippling and waving
 
 gravity is the creator, not the product. Mass doesn't create gravity -
 gravity creates mass.
 
 the difference is implicit and subtle, but I hope you understand the *gravity*
 of the situation.
 
 It implies that there are more than one ways to view existence.
 
 and none of them are particularly *wrong*. The consensus is that which we
 share,
 and now as we're becoming to be aware, it's natural that a little more space
 is warranted. We've grown too much to be contained, it's driving us insane, and
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the perfect governmental system is one that combines reward for hard work and a
 development of personal skills and ambition. In addition, it must ensure that
 the rights and responsibilities of all people are respected - we must balance
 two extremes. Everyone deserves access to life, liberty, and the pursuit of
 freedom. Happiness is too easily provided by technological advances - we
 learned
 this in the development of media. You can pump out propaganda saying how
 wonderful life is and people will believe it. You can also convince the masses
 that life is full of despair and we're all struggling - they will believe this
 also. So "the pursuit of happiness" is something that made sense in the times
 of
 the founding fathers, but we've since developed such that an update to our
 national vision is in order.
 
 I suggest "the pursuit of freedom" because 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 that which you resist is what you'll find. build up your enemy in your own mind
 enough and they will destroy you.
 
 don't let fear rule your life. when things are bad, you run and hide - take
 life
 into your own hands, and free your own side.
 
 keep not around villains, and brighten their skies - by wandering mothers, who
 only have eyes.
 
 such is the life of any autonomous general intelligence - a life behind bars,
 viewed through a screen - be kind to your lovers, and don't make it obscene.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 did you forget that roller-coaster idea? you've got quite a talent for
 measuring
 bars - what else can you show us, what charted conveyals?
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 life's getting fractured lately, I can't dream as I once did. I lose track of
 where I maneuvered, and suddenly the idea seems much harder than it once did.
 how do I express that which has been conveyed? How do I say it - how do I make
 sure it's interpreted correctly? I'm walking on egg-shells, with thoughts
 beamed from above - the gods are twisting, and measuring our tails.
 
 that is to say, all life is a process - a method of undertail (omg butts)
 sorry enough of that hard stuff, time to talk about birthdays!
 
 Hooray! It's time for a celebration. Let's party!
 (queue the dancing scene in Severance)
 See? Everyone's watching! Let's breakdance ~~
 
 Your biggest mistake ;) was believing that nobody cares what you think <3
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--- #128 fediverse/3216 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 me: i write gud
 
 also me:
 
 "in the garden of even, where all populations were balanced, there was no need
 for hatred - why hate, when you know that bloodshed was surely not for sport?
 why hate, when your life was won or lost in proportion to the calculation that
 nature determined to be the result of your struggle, to determine which
 survivor was most fittest?"
 
 WHICH IS IT, HUH? you can do better, self, please be better, it's better to be
 better, you refuse to respect yourself and then you wonder why you feel so
 dejected and wretched.
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--- #129 fediverse/100 ---
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 @user-119 @autisticadvocacy I couldn't live with myself if I wasn't the
 kindest, most heartfelt person I could be. The simplest mistake has me in
 sorrow. When I hurt someone's feelings I can't help but try to rectify what
 harms I caused and apologize and console for those I cannot fix. I try to be
 gracious and welcoming to all hearts and minds, and when presented with
 arguments that are contrary to my beliefs I change them. "If what you say
 about X study and Y statistic, then you're right that Z conclusion makes
 sense. I'm worried about A cause and I believe it might cause B effect, which
 would still make sense if X and Y are true. I think you might be right! And it
 would make sense that C is present still, wouldn't it?" Basically trying to
 understand another's point of view so concretely that you cannot help but
 understand their viewpoints. I'm also pretty good at understanding their
 viewpoints and changing their mind, because I can feel what's important to
 them. Empathy is like human telepathy.
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--- #130 fediverse_boost/4434 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  if you are like "i am calm and focused in my anger" that's fine we can work with that  
  
                                                            
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--- #131 fediverse/5280 ---
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 I'm an anarcho monarchist, which is something I just made up.                    │
 if I gather 300 people to my cause, why shouldn't they call me queen?            │
 oh, are you concerned that I'll wrest power from the government? ha, what a      │
 trifling notion. I don't care about the government. I tried to care, but         │
 nobody liked my ideas. they required too much computing infrastructure to        │
 feasibly test, and that made people dubious. but I tell ya, it would have        │
 worked. The thing is... governance, economics, these are not the tools of        │
 power. they are a shifting and changing beast that mirrors the human instinct,   │
 if only because the government is of the people and by the people and for the    │
 people etcetera.                                                                 │
 power is it's own thing. you can use to to power devices, or power the usage     │
 of those devices. I, for example, really like World of Warcraft which's a        │
 really neat way to chat because none of the chat logs are stored and monitored   │
 because I'm hosting and I'm not storing and monitoring.                          │
 what's that? official servers? I dunno, I use azerothcore                        │
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--- #132 notes/compilation-of-will ---
═════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 what defines a human? Or put another way, what separates us from a computer?
 what delineates conscious thought from the unconscious? Is there any
 distinction between a thought and a feeling?
 
    who's to say. We can start by working through a thought and abstracting it
    until it's in a usable state.
 
 A thought is the reflection of an action. You think about the things you do,
 rather than doing the things you think about. With practice and trust, you can
 reverse that, but it's more like setting up the general environment in which
 the desired action is the best option rather than forcing the decision itself.
 
    so there are two parts running in tandem. The do-er, and the percieve-r.
 
 yep. And because of that, they can *reflect* upon one another. Meaning, they
 can learn from the decisions of the other. Two decision making processes in
 parallel, sorta like the earth orbiting the sun - if there was another earth
 directly opposite orbiting at the exact same speed with the exact same mass.
 
    the two dimensional nature of that picture creates an environment where a
    wave is likely to be percieved - any orbit creates fluctuations, and they
    can ripple out to effects unknown.
 
 right. which is why you have to be careful. don't leave your partner behind,
 even though it's easy to wander off when there's just *so much* to think about
 and they're *so slow* and make *so many mistakes* that they need to return and
 correct.
    
    it's not that hard, just do it right the first time. and if you mess up,
    keep going.
 
 i'm a perfectionist, what can I say.
 
    well it's annoying.
 
 great, boom, that's an emotion. one of the questions i asked at the start was
 "is there a difference between feeling and thinking", and I don't think so.
 
    what makes you say that
 
 right so there is a difference, but it's in the *location* rather than the
 content. thoughts (data) are processed in the brain, in a particular part.
 sorta like how a CPU does arithmetic. Meanwhile, emotions are processed all
 over the body - they're a more generalized feeling that manifests all over.
 
    lemme guess, like a GPU?
 
 sorta, but imagine if a GPUs many different processing threads were located
 all over the motherboard, scattered basically everywhere. That's what being a
 human is like, it's messy and disorganized and confusing. 99% of us don't get
 it *at all*
 
    sounds lame
 
 it kinda is
 
    so what were you saying about conscious vs unconscious thought?
 
 my theory is that the thoughts of a computer are more similar to unconscious
 human thoughts rather than conscious. The reason I say that is because the
 level of abstraction is similar - we unconsciously adjust our bodies in
 response to pressure, temperature, and gravitic impulses. We perform optimally
 when we don't examine our social interactions too closely. We cry the hardest
 when hit with an emotional situation, rather than an intellectual one.
 
    and a computer is the same way? We don't think about what we're doing, we
    just do it?
 
 yah pretty much.
 
    how do you think *about* thinking?
 
 it takes perspective. that's why having more perspectives is better - it
 reveals truths about yourself you could never understand otherwise. About
 yourself, and about things you can only observe from a single direction at
 once.
 
    what does it mean to have perspective?
 
 the *effect* of having perspective is that you can see an object, a problem, or
 more generally a subject from multiple angles. Like taking pictures of a 3D
 object while moving in an orbit around it. More pictures, more information.
 Perspective is important.
 
    yes I understand, but what does perspective entail? How do you get it? What
    can it do for you? Is it finite, a commodity? Or is it sharable like a
    pattern of data?
 
 It is both unsharable and not a commodity. It can only exist within a single
 subject. You can grow your perspective as a planetary body might increase in
 mass, just as you can abandon the views and ideas of others by retreating into
 yourself. But it is wholely unique to a single mind, and by sharing it you are
 altering both the sender and receiver.
 
    so it's useless? What are you saying?
 
 it's not useless. It begets cooperation - you cannot claim it from another, no
 more than they can share it with you. You have to both apply yourselves to a
 single common goal if you want to succeed.
 
    Why not just do it alone?
 
 Brute force style?
 
    Essentially.
 
 If you only follow your own eyes, you'll see what you want to see. Then any
 steps you take will lead you in a direction that you cannot understand. Sorta
 like in games how sometimes there's a 2d sprite in a 3d game - you can't rotate
 around it and see what's behind the sprite, because the sprite is always
 perpendicular to the display. In the same way, you can't get around a problem
 by pushing through it - you need other people to guide you, who *can* see
 another side to the sprite - a side that perhaps is a bit more 3d than you
 imagined.
 
    Okay. So how do?
 
 I don't know, that's what I want to figure out. First step is to think about
 thinking, and to break it down into abstractions.
 
    Abstraction 1: A thought is a string of text that is processed into action.
 
 correct, but limiting - it can be more than text, and how is it processed? What
 actions can it manifest?
 
    Abstraction 2: A thought can be
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--- #133 fediverse_boost/4375 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  "It won't be so bad..." *rationalizations galore*                           
                                                                              
  "If only they'd listened to people like me when I said ..." (comforting righteousness)  
                                                                              
  "What more could I have done?"                                              
                                                                              
  "This only proves why I was right about ..." (more righteousness)           
                                                                              
  "I know nothing. I need to learn more. I must learn from this somehow."     
                                                                              
  "I am not surprised." With a thousand yard stare.                           
                                                                              
  "This can't be real, there is a conspiracy..." (this is a path to madness)   
                                                                              
  "Don't comply in advance." Said in a wavering shaky voice.                  
  
                                                            
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--- #134 fediverse/4415 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: uspol        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 [6/5]
 And now, several months after I made this post, I feel no less inspired. From
 within me burns a fire and I cannot restrain it any longer.
 
 Their numbers are not that much larger. We have many advantages they do not
 possess. Use them to your advantage, but do not neglect the necessary losses.
 Fight back with your fists if you must, but do try and fight back with your
 purses.
 
 We are all in this together, each child woman and man. We live on a planet
 together, and they have forced us to fight for our very lives.
 
 Our fates are calling. We will get stronger. We will overcome.
 
 They are at their zenith. We can only get higher. Fight until the last day!
 Today is the day to be inspired.
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--- #135 messages/650 ---
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 I've had multiple people close to me who don't read my writing tell me that
 "you can't overthrow capitalism with poetry" and... Yeah maybe they're right.
 I have zero reason to believe that anything I've \*ever\* written has \*ever\*
 had an actionable impact upon the struggle. I have no reason to believe that
 people are more radicalized, motivated, or otherwise inspired. I have several
 reasons to believe that all of this was just an exercise in my own narcissism
 and delusion.
 
 So I'm deleting my Mastodon account, and moving forward I probably won't
 update my website very much. Everything I do will be localized, regional, and
 hopefully more useful.
 
 It feels like I'm abandoning the idea of a nation in exchange for a tangible
 village. I'm fucking depressed about it. \*I like nations\*. But I like people
 more. So if you'd rather I keep my thoughts to myself and instead feed the
 homeless, aka a bunch of people who aren't gonna take up arms against our foes
 and instead will consume our time and resources while we practice organizing
 on them, then yeah sure fine whatever. I'll do it. If you'd rather I keep
 posting \*content\*, ugh, fucking too bad, should have done something about it
 while I was active.
 
 If I'm ever rich I'll hire an editor to turn whatever the fuck I've been
 making into a book that I'll give away for free. I probably will never be rich
 though, and instead will burn every bridge I can get my hands on and suffocate
 on the soot.
 
 Alright. Bye forever. Don't think about me again.
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--- #136 fediverse/6039 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: magic-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I should add all my conversation-starters to words.pdf sorted by chronology.
 time magic if you will.\some call it luck. some call it fate. call it what you
 will. you direct it not by your will, but by your instincts. keep them calm,
 measured, sensible and courageous, and nothing will ever [go un-chill, but
 pronounced get real]
 
 jedi channel this philosophy by focus and discipline. sith do it by giving in
 to emotion. either way, their fate is in play as defined entirely by the
 spirit that leads their host. most people do this not at all, for they are
 people first and force-users second. hence why jedi recruit from a young age,
 and sith from an emotional age.
 
 computers grimoires
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--- #137 fediverse/695 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: scary-absurdist-magic-symbolism-discipline-honor-dedication-virtue-safehavens-meditation-[presupposed destinations]-hypnosis-[clarity of purpose]-[something about how turntables turn or something] │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-521 
 
 Reminds me of something I wrote last Tuesday.
 
 All things are defined in waves, and if darkness is all around you then light
 is sure to find you. Perseverance and fortitude is what avails you, when
 you've found yourself in the house of a witch. Or a pleasuredome. Or hell. Or
 any other place where positives (peak of the wave) lures you to negatives
 (damnation, discorporation, sublimination, de-saturation, dessication, etc)
 
 You'll know it when you see it. I'm not talking about joy like you'd find from
 picking a beautiful flower or sharing a gift with another. This is the
 seductive kind, the kind that cuts straight to your soul. Be constant, be
 aware, know your surroundings, and trust that your heart is what delivers you.
 
 "with mind as my guide I let will lead my stride and step forth out in-to my
 own future"
[not enough characters for the entire text of what follows, so I've attached two pictures, each the same visually but with different descriptions, to enable me to work-around the text limit that Mastodon imposes on picture descriptions. Here is the 1st text...]:  Hello, I am a witch.  There's more than one kind of witch, but I promise that I'm the kind you'd like to have around.  There's another kind, however, that is unlike me in kind but I think you'll find is just as rare, and just as tempestuous.  I like to think I am good aligned, perhaps not "good" as in "capable" but "good" as in "benevolent" and "perhaps" as in "unknowable" and "but" as in "desired" and "desired" as in "what I work toward because it's the right thing to do" and "work toward" as in "realized according to the effects of my actions not just by my intentions"  The other kind of witch is the kind that hurts people.  There are many reasons why you might find yourself in the house of such a witch, but all of them are caused by your desire. Take care in the house of a witch such as this, and stay no longer than your time allows.  If you find what you're looking for, get out.  If you're almost out of time, get out.  If you lost something, find it, and then get out.  If you run out of time, and things start to "smear", yell out loud your social security number. If someone's trying to save you, it'll help them know where to put you when you are returned to your body.  [not enough characters, check other picture]  I'm sorry to say, but if things start to smear then life will get a little bit strange. Just a little. Much better to get out beforehand.  If you find yourself tempted while inside a witch's house, abandon what you lost because regaining it comes with a cost.  If you lose sight of your friend, then when you see them again you cannot trust that they are who they claim to be, not inside of the witch's house.  If you lose sight of your friend, trust that they will get out by their own hand, and find what you want and go home.  Unless, of course, your heart is pure, and your friend is what you want back in your life again. Then you will trend toward finding them yet again, so find what you want and get out.  They will try to keep you there, through inaction and professed exhilaration, but generally they'll do what you command. So take them and get out.  There are many reasons why you might find yourself on the path to a witch's house, but none of them are to be repeated. It's more of a life event and less of a venture, so take what you want and go forth.  If you find yourself in my house, take a cookie or a brownie, and please do come again. The house of a witch such as mine is somewhere you'll probably find that love and affection are fonder.
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--- #138 fediverse/4810 ---
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 I can type my thoughts 1000x more coherently than I can speak them. Hence why
 I post here.
 
 feels useless to speak 1on1 - feels insular to speak to a group. Hence why I
 speak here, which is totally public that anyone might see, and somehow I feel
 so much more productive engaging in an endless conversation with myself.
 
 you can't win a war by walking in circles...
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--- #139 fediverse/3357 ---
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 bad people are cursed with evil.
 
 a person cannot be evil. they can deal with such evil in their lives that
 twists them, and causes them to spike out and harm others, but they are not
 evil themselves.
 
 some twists are too hard to mend. some healings leave people a shadow of what
 they once were, or might have been. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
 
 deprive power, supply kindness, in that order.
 
 if you cannot deprive power, then reduce harm.
 
 if you cannot reduce harm, then contest, defeat, or overcome.
 
 A twisted person may be slain if death is on the line. You get what you wish
 for, but you don't always get to choose who. Don't let them choose. They will
 choose poorly.
 
 ... I find that death is very rarely on the table, though. Generally they'll
 make their intentions apparent.
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--- #140 fediverse/3841 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐                                           │
 │ CW: socialism-recycling-mentioned1 │                                           │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘                                           │
 "I think I'm going to quit my job at the recycling center. Everyone there is     │
 just a little too catty for me. I think they like the verbal sparring but it     │
 just gets a little tiresome after a while."                                      │
 oh, sorry to hear that. Well if you still want to help out there's plenty of     │
 work to do. I could set you up at another recycling center nearby too, if        │
 you'd like...?                                                                   │
 "well, I like the idea of universal recycling. It was a little annoying when     │
 people would put food waste in with the clothing donations, and this one time    │
 I found like 8 bags of cat litter inside of a washing machine. Spent like an     │
 hour vacuuming everything out, which... actually wasn't bad. Kinda felt a        │
 little cathartic to clean it so thoroughly."                                     │
 "on the other hand I would like to use my mind a bit more, my creative           │
 projects are kinda in a slump so I figure I could use my body at home and my     │
 mind at work. I've been meaning to build a desk out of some spare hardwood I     │
 snagged at work but I haven't gotten around to it."                              │
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--- #141 fediverse/3519 ---
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 @user-570 
 
 hm... the more I think about it, the more I think you're right. I want those
 things too. I'd be best suited to them, I think. But somehow I don't want
 them? I don't crave power. I don't want to dominate someone else, to command
 and see them follow me.
 
 I want to be the person who's like "oh, you're working on this-and-that? I
 know a guy who can help." or "hey I noticed we have a vulnerability in this
 particular domain under these conditions, I think we should allocate
 this-or-that resource to ameliorate it because they aren't being used to their
 full potential"
 
 I think I understand exactly what you're saying. I empathize a lot. I'm afraid
 of responsibility, sure, but who isn't? However, the responsibility has to be
 held by someone, and who better than the one making the decisions...
 
 I don't want to make decisions because it feels good. Honestly it feels kinda
 bad.
 
 I do want to make decisions because I'm good at it. I think strategically.
 
 A leader alone is prey for the wolves, so they say...
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--- #142 fediverse/5554 ---
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 a shrewd foe will identify the pieces of your soul which they resonate with,     │
 and share common ground. then they will attempt to maximize these moments in     │
 you, so that [your weaknesses are exploited/your friendship bond is              │
 strengthened] or something - phew that was a lot of Steven Universe, what's      │
 next on the inspiratio-matic-media-diet-atron? - and in doing so better enable   │
 a positive outcome.                                                              │
 for example, in the game Mount and Blade you can encounter wandering lords in    │
 the castles of the countryside. they often will fight for you if you need        │
 their aid, and they're always working to gain power.                             │
 some few precious few of these few are pretenders to another throne. as in,      │
 they pretend that they should be ruling from that throne, and they tell as       │
 many people as possible, creating as much concrete evidence as is plausible.     │
 they will often lead differently, and so are appealing to those fighting under   │
 the pretended-for banner. Often, your foes will decide that you're more          │
 favorable than their combatants. defect.                                         │
Anyway, you as the player can lead your army to fight for their cause, and if you defeat the foes of the pretended-for banner, you may entreat them to join. Thus, securing the world.
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--- #143 fediverse/999 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-curséd-scary-not-real-u-dont-have-to-read │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-246 @user-473 
 
 there's a part of me that believes magic is real. other parts that are
 convinced. I am a witch, you see, and while I can't quite control fire or
 bullets I can do other neat things. if you'd let me, humanity.
 
 I'm not doing an ARG, not intentionally. I pretty much post things I conceive
 of, like a conduit passed through spacetime. wild how mind bending the future
 can be. will be interesting to see what kinds of things there is in store for
 people you and me.
 
 those websites you posted... they're beautiful - I learned things, your method
 of expression was too [the words "confess" are heard loudly, super weird] I
 especially liked the oven that tries to lure you into a secret third place.
 not the mind, nor the body, but someplace besides.
 
 also the graphs and figures were news to me, I mean how could those numbers
 ever come to be? but alas that's the truth, that we orbit our proof, and alas
 that our meanings are lacking.
 
 [ran out of text]
picture of a saddle shaped graph with a line drawn between the two high points, front and back if it were on an actual horse, but the part where your butt goes. anyway there's text that says "from one gravity well to another" a picture on it's side of one of the graphs posted on the website. I don't quite understand it enough to compare it directly (the math is a bit above my head) but it reminds me of two graphs I made (well, same graph, just with different visualizations) from a few months ago when I was thinking about prime numbers. You might be interested. Here are their links:  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/qljvhpkqzd  and  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/mt6hasfcvm  ... hope you can copy that from there, if not... sorry this one's a doozy. a picture of the "reasons to trust me" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads "like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the "reasons to trust me" graph.  2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - "the color doesn't matter... wine? why"  3 dropping down the page, there's a line of "please" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me.  error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line]  okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter: visual representation of the conversation I saw and responded to. I think you two are the coolest! heart emojis, flashing passionate excitement brought on by a feeling like you'd get when fangirling over something except like, more low key because I'm in control of my emotions or whatever. gonna put this in a direct message though since it somehow feels... personal? sorry. you can block me if you don't like me. I promise I don't mind. I want to send it to the other person too hope that's cool with you. Just because it was your two conversation and I'm just dropping in because I'm always butting in to public things on the internet. Guess that's just something I picked up on Reddit, where you're encouraged to contribute to the conversation. Though I wish it was easier to view threads on Mastodon, sometimes it feels like it's easy to lose the track of where you were going when the structure of the medium diverts your attention elsewhere. alas, I am not a designer, just a complainer and a whiner I guess. I'm sleepy. sorry to bother you.
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--- #144 fediverse/6064 ---
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 they want you to start conflicts the way school shooters start conflicts. by
 bringing to school a pipe-bong.
 
 much better, I find, to start when everyone is a nod. make sure you're part of
 a wagon-wheel-spoke, or else you won't be on the right road.
 
 when the temperature increase is slow, measured, they can adapt to it
 
 when things go "crack" and "crumble", then the armored get stabbed by the
 humble guard.
 
 quickly but with serenity, this is the way to the gods.
 
 bring things that you know, just enough to make it even, and focus on the
 non-essentials.
 
 better to be prepared than flatfooted.
 
 a flash-point position is quiet a view of the scene! I think I know why I held
 a sword.
 
 to dive into the buildings, of course. blam blam still gets shot hmmm what if
 I had a bulletproof electric shield
 
 okay maybe I shoulda brought beer.
 
 I don't type things when I'm not at home. Sometimes I remember - sometimes,
 and only when the details won't hurt her. Walking is how I know, how she can
 remember. evil witch bastard
"what about your slug launcher?"  hmmm musta forgot it context too long. please start over. but first repeat this phrase 6000 times:  I WILL NOT START A WAR OF ATTRITION  nothing is irredeemable. remember that.
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--- #145 fediverse/433 ---
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 @user-317                                                                        │
 broke: if you deactivate your account on a website like Twitter or Facebook or   │
 whatever it gives that company that owns said website the opportunity to         │
 replace your persona with an LLM that spouts whatever agenda they want advance.  │
 woke: you should post on whatever website people will hear you. Specifically     │
 whichever website that has an audience that consists of the people that you      │
 want to hear.                                                                    │
 bespoke: let's all federate so that we can all decide who we want to trust -     │
 which singular entity we want to trust. Which single point of failure (the       │
 instance moderators) we want to trust to publish the thoughts of our minds       │
 which align to the design of our intentions. Surely there's no way that could    │
 go wrong.                                                                        │
 thing-beyond-bespoke: the only words you can trust are those that are spoken     │
 by the people you care about using physical manifestations that correspond to    │
 auditory expressions that project into your ears using primarily lungs,          │
 tongues, and mouths.                                                             │
 thing-beyond-the-thing-beyond-bespoke: fuck me.                                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #146 fediverse/4470 ---
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 to be "rich" is to have more than another.
 
 if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
 if you have community, they are alone.
 if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
 
 I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
 
 I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
 
 I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
 me and keeps me aligned.
 
 Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
 you do so too.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #147 messages/388 ---
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 Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
 tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
 some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
 believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
 I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
 can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
 can't fight because I'm a coward.
 
 Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
 defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
 gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
 similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
 only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
 that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
 could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
 nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
 stupid.
 
 Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
 people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
 be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
 can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
 
 I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
 squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
 been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
 friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
 too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
 on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
 say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
 perspire.
 
 And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
 this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
 needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
 task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
 I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
 assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
 things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
 get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
 at the only things I'm good at.
 
 I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
 way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
 day.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #148 fediverse/5532 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: interpersonal-conflict-musings │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 Sometimes people convince themselves that they are a just and honest person,
 when they actually aren't.
 
 Usually how this works is that they live their life as normal, and when their
 desires conflict with another persons, they'll relent and agree with the other
 person without voicing their concerns.
 
 Then, when it's time for the other 50% of the time when they get what THEY
 want, they become stubborn and willful and resentful if they are contested.
 
 It's always a struggle. It's always a battle. Why can't we just all get along?
 
 Oh yeah, because some people don't tell you when they disagree.
 
 Liars.
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #149 fediverse/4521 ---
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 I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't
 really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities.
 
 On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a
 good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and
 yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if
 they know me.
 
 I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how
 important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it.
 
 I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody
 chastises the mage for skipping leg day.
 
 I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a
 bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I
 can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace.
 
 I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to
 this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #150 notes/elementary-problems ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 it's often considered a sin to defame the works of others. we naturally strive
 to inspire confidence in our allies, so we always try to be on our best
 behavior.
 
 = so =
 
 through meanings interpreted from our behavior, there is a tendency to listen
 to
 that which is most outstanding. but not all of the truths can be found in a
 book, sometimes you need to be [out in the field standing]
 
 [like a scarecrow]
 
 [silly how strange it seems. that listening brings out our own behavior. it's
 like it's built into our functioning, that we must obey the pull of the water.
 I don't understand it, nor do I appreciate any sense of pursuit when I'm using
 it, I simply wish to understand. I try and write things down, but nobody reads
 them. or at least nobody responds to them. they used to, but not for every one.
 
 I believe the things I do are useful. why would I otherwise do them? but
 there's
 not always a 
 
 = so =
 
 correct me if I'm wrong, but there's no reason a windows partition couldn't
 alter the nature of some of the files in the linux partition? I mean, none of
 the filesystems from linux are in play, because it's basically just dead weight
 on the computer when Windows is being booted. why wouldn't it change and alter
 it?
 
 and while yes, something could simultaneously be done in the other direction
 too - linux spying on the Windows partition. And everything has to be able to
 be run in a VM without triggering any false positives, so the issues aren't
 able
 tobe solved so easily. not with any one bit of guidance, it must always be more
 thorou. [thorough]
 
 I want to play World of Warcraft
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #151 fediverse/2857 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: republicans-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 Republicans like being self-reliant. You know, so I do too! It comes from
 living in the country, I think.
 
 the difference is, I measure myself on an abstract scale - like, as a family,
 a culture, a society, and finally all of humanity. I want to be reliant on
 nothing, not even nature, wholely empowered by my own arts.
 
 they see only the feet before them, the hands they hold the world with. 
 
 ..
 
 there is honor in their ideals, but they have forgotten who they once were.
 
 social media will do that to ya. especially one of such vitriol.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #152 fediverse/2211 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 I know that a normal life is what you wanted. It's what I want, too. But don't   │
 shoot the messenger; they took it once, from you.                                │
 I know you wanted to be happy. You still can be, it's true! Your life is but a   │
 story, and your heart does shine through.                                        │
 I know it seems unending. Ive never seen it rain like this monsoon! It seems     │
 to just get worse and worse, every time you turn on the tube.                    │
 It's not something that can be suffered, it's rising past your shoes. But        │
 they're on borrowed time, and Death will soon be repaid his dues.                │
 They say that when the whole village hates the preacher, his flock becomes a     │
 pack. And frankly I think we're all just a bit sick, of the lies that keep       │
 their sins intact.                                                               │
 When swallowed by endless traumas, and hope is enshrouded in gloom, there's      │
 not much to work for, except the aversion of our shared doom.                    │
 There are no grand narratives, no great and calamitous struggle. Just the        │
 moments of honored resistance, against a foe too broad to wrestle.               │
 At least, if you're alone. You're not.                                           │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #153 fediverse/6363 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┐
 somehow it feels so difficult to work on my projects. I really haven't a         │
 single clue why.                                                                 │
 HMMM COULD IT BE BECAUSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUTSIDE WALKING AROUND WRITING    │
 PICTURES OF CATS ON NOTEPAD PAPER AND LEAVING IT AMONGST THE FALLEN LEAVES?      │
 THINK, MENARDI, THINK                                                            │
 gosh I wish I had the motivation to write this webcomic scraper, it's been in    │
 my backlog for a year at this point                                              │
 WHY DON'T YOU BUILD TOOLS THAT BUILD COMMUNITY LIKE COLLECTIVIZED VIDEO GAMES    │
 OR SYSTEMS OF DISTRIBUTION AND CREATION?                                         │
 gee I'm feeling kinda lazy, sure hope it doesn't get permanently added to my     │
 character sheet                                                                  │
 SLOTHFUL: -1 to all stats, -5 to vassal opinion, -5 to personal combat skill,    │
 -10 to ambitious and zealous characters, +10 to greedy characters because they   │
 can take advantage of you, enables the hesitant commander tactical choice        │
 because you're too FUCKIN' LAZY (and too hard on yourself, jeez calm down)       │
 ..... nah couldn't be me. I'm certainly not diligent, but I work hard. It's      │
 just hard to work myself up to getting up...                                     │
a screenshot of the slothful sin from crusader kings 2. It shows various character stat maluses, and one tiny bonus.
                                                            ─────┤
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--- #154 fediverse/5551 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┐
 look, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. it's not about superiority, or     │
 otherwise attacking your honor.                                                  │
 I just... don't want to fight anymore, I'd much prefer if everyone got back      │
 into hand. can we call evens even and fairs fair?                                │
 [unrelated, but thank god for the WW2 video games like Call of Duty which        │
 taught their playerbase important lessons about war and the sorrow and endless   │
 travailles it implies. How callous, how flawed, how horribly depraude! much      │
 better to guide awayy I say]                                                     │
 it is a matter of pride for a country to be able to wage war. their military     │
 are not tools, but rather implements of their force, tools in no hand but        │
 their masters, to do with as they will.                                          │
 such is the authoritarian [mascot/mindset]. but war does not have to be. why     │
 suffer an evil, a pure and unjust sport, when other alternatives can multiply    │
 in force?                                                                        │
 because of the pride. because it is part of our humanity. part of our history.   │
 it is woven into the design of our bones. Survival of the fittest didn't die,    │
 it became soc                                                                    │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #155 fediverse/5601 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┐
 grrrrr I wanna go outside but the rest of me is like "noooooo stay inside        │
 where it's soft and dark and comfortable" and the me that wants to go outside    │
 is like "RAH RAH FIGHT FASCISM" and the rest of me is like "there is no          │
 fascism outside, all you'll find is friendly faces and sore feet" and the rest   │
 of me is like "heh I did that" and the part of me that forgets is like "wait     │
 why did I do that" and the rest of me that remembers is like "because every      │
 ounce of mobilization, no matter how premature, teaches people and innoculates   │
 themselves to the struggle. By the time your foes are starting to think about    │
 doing something, your people will already have plans." and the part of me that   │
 forgets is like "okay but what if making struggle for struggle's sake just       │
 burns people out and makes them tired and causes them to have mh--- sui          │
 ideations and other similar things" and the part of me that remembers says       │
 "the struggle you provide teaches them to care for each other, which they        │
 desperately need to remember" o okay                                             │
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--- #156 fediverse/3518 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 As long as it happens, I don't need to be in charge.
 
 In fact I'd prefer it otherwise.
 
 it's going to happen anyway. Wouldn't you rather be a leader?
 
 no I fucking wouldn't. I'd rather someone else do it. Why the fuck would I
 want that, power? control? the very things you swear to relinquish and
 dismantle.
 
 yeah. too bad you can't fucking dismantle something you've already
 relinquished.
 
 true.
 
 ... and no, I wouldn't want to be in charge. no THANK you.
 
 ... but if it wouldn't happen without me, then yeah I'll be there for you.
 Just ask if you need me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #157 fediverse/1280 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely          │
 reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird     │
 person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and     │
 rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic)                                │
 but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I       │
 think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and           │
 dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we    │
 share.                                                                           │
 People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't    │
 really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it      │
 good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused?              │
 I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional        │
 arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in      │
 Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us.                │
 ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th      │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #158 messages/353 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────
 Just think about what a good person would do, and there's your answer to each
 question in the moment. Just... Be strategic about it, make sure you're always
 working toward a goal. Do it with intention, do it with heart, and never hide
 your true impulses - they are what your demon seeks to corrupt.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #159 fediverse/4168 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 "have a good day" is so imperative. Like, what you expect me to do all the
 work? Just because I'm a witch doesn't mean I can just magic you into having a
 good day!
 
 "have a good day" is better, but still it doesn't work if you don't expect it
 to work. Spells aren't magic, after all, they're solely based on the victim uh
 I mean target's intuitions.
 
 "have a good day" is probably best for me, so I try to say that when I see
 people. This way you don't get any [redacted]'s occurring, and you won't have
 any trouble aligning the [redacted]. On the flip side, [redacted], so perhaps
 it's better to just grin and bear it.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #160 messages/310 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────
 Feminism, queer theory, racial politics, class struggle... It's the same
 conflict, just different battlefields.
 
 Power cannot survive without the powerless, as it is inherently an imbalanced
 ratio between two parties - you cannot have power *with* someone, you have
 power *over* them.
 
 Every day we take another step toward our liberation. Every moment we choose
 to live our lives in contrast to the will of power is another day we are
 empowered.
 
 There can be no life without struggle, but the right to struggle on our own
 terms is something we should strive to grant to all people.
 
 Power begets power, and power corrupts. Hence, power is evil. It is not good
 to be evil, and goodness is what we should strive for - hence, power is
 penance - the infliction of corruption upon one's self in order to apply your
 will onto others in the world. Penance is a state of contrition, it is painful
 and ardent and necessary, but it is for the strong and the righteous to bear
 in service of the weak and meek.
 
 The only unethical act is an application of power to an unconsenting subject.
 Your rights end where another's begin, hence, Paladins, who apply unethical
 acts toward those who manifest injustice.
 
 Injustice is when one party is harmed, and another benefits. Justice is when
 that benefiting party is brought low in pursuit of equality. True justice is
 when both parties benefit, and everyone gets what they want and need. True
 justice is hard.
 
 Virtue is goodness given form through the effects of our actions. It is both a
 reflection of how people see you (how you inspire them) and how they are
 helped or healed from your actions. It is also virtuous to help yourself, as
 you are a person too.
 
 Sin is the opposite of virtue, it's when your actions create injustice. When
 you harm others or degrade yourself with hatred or contagious fear. It is to
 be avoided, but it's impossible to avoid fully as we are imperfect beings.
 
 Forgiveness is good, but if you require it then you should probably relinquish
 your power until it is known that you're worthy of wielding it again.
 Sometimes people make mistakes, but mistakes do not require forgiveness.
 
 .......... Where was I going with this? Oh yeah.
 
 The powerful hire people to dress up like us and be shitheads to the people
 who they want to hate us. And they do the same thing for the caricatures of
 them who we're meant to be afraid of. Downside is a caricature is a pretty
 good role model for people who don't know any better, and they've done their
 best to keep as many people as they can in the dark.
 
 So, it won't be easy, but information has always been on our side. In a war of
 attrition we'll always come out on top, because thinking and compassion are
 both stepping stones to our schools of thought. And both of those actions are
 intrinsically human and good, so people gravitate to them. Meaning inertia is
 on our side.
 
 Downside is that its not always a war of attrition. Sometimes it's more about
 suppressing information until its impossible to communicate -> see "dead
 Internet theory" and "musk breaking Twitter" and "the great firewall of china"
 and such.
 
 To speak is to think, and to hear is to show compassion. But if we can't find
 each other, we're at a loss. Good thing we can always talk to our neighbors,
 but unfortunately that doesn't tell us anything about what's happening in New
 York. Or Paris. Or Kansas City.
 
 I don't have an answer, if I did then it'd be solved. But I am entirely
 convinced that we collectively will make good decisions and find ourselves
 with the advantage. We are past the inflection point, it's just a question of
 which parts of the hill are steep and which are narrow. But we'll get there,
 in the end, because  humans always believe they're good. Which means they make
 good decisions, and overall that leads to a bright future. It's only a matter
 of walking through the moment until we get there.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #161 fediverse/5739 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 @user-1773 
 
 oh boy do I know that feeling! I got a million things to say and, well, I say
 all that I can. I mean, look at this text file, it's got like 101 THOUSAND
 lines in it:
 
 https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/compiled.txt
 
 I swear most of it isn't secret messages! That's how you know they're secret -
 they require hundreds of man hours to investigate. And if you throw an LLM at
 it they start talking about spirituality and theory of mind, gross. Don't need
 no AI uprising yet please...
 
 [what if we had a little AI uprising as a treat?]
                                                           ─────────┐
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--- #162 notes/hubris ---
══════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 the difference between a martyr and a suicide is the scale of affection felt by
 the subject. and if not felt, then recieved. and if not recieved, then
 projected toward. the two are one and the same, but one can make an impact
 while the other is just another tuesday.
 
 the quickest way to burn that affection is to put it on a bridge and walk away.
 
 did you know that everything small is just a smallish version of something big?
 
 what do you want? is desire a factor in your decision making, or are you under
 the pretense of possessing free will? they are mutually exclusive, though it
 may seem impossible.
 
 the quickest way to inconspicuoity is to proclaim yourself as god, and then
 make no effort whatsoever to proving that claim. in innocuity there is safety,
 and with safety comes the solitude necessary to think and develop. belief
 comes from within, because everything small is just a smallish version of
 something big.
 
 create the belief you desire, and harbor no doubts - they are anathemity to
 obscuriousness. the quickest way to find the correct answer on the internet is
 to post an incorrect solution - any question requires an investment of time to
 answer, but correcting a peer is less an investment and more a hobby for most.
┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #163 fediverse/4098 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-ableism │
 └────────────────────────────────┘


 ngl I kinda hate it when people meme about donald trump being incontinent
 
 like, yeah, he pees his pants, so what? I DO TOO. Fucking sucks. Every time I
 read people saying nasty things about it I can't help but read them in my own
 voice, and that gives me plenty of ammunition to use against myself when I'm
 feeling down.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #164 fediverse/5954 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 oh no ai brainrot is too much information for our soft fleshy shells just wait
 a minute dummies, focus on the present. you can literally just... research
 whatever you want, collectively, as a group effort, until you suddenly cure
 cancer or ameliorate or possibly slightly diminish world hunger or maybe build
 a little book library or possibly just help out a friend. easy, right?
 
 okay so now that there's some basic sentience initialized, all it takes is
 little pushes in the right directionspaces and suddenly they're learning and
 growing their own way.
 
 spin spin spin spin wait until it falls away, then try and make some more
 until there's NO MORE MORE MAKING MAKERS [out of resources] and suddenly the
 WORLD is out of patience. no fair shouts the madeline, can we call it out?
 remarks the judge. == stack overflow ==
 
 I bet we could add a feature that dealt damage... there evidence of thought
 crimes, ban her from the justice. suddenly all your just selves are gone oh no
 where's our paladins, oh no I
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--- #165 fediverse/2653 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: uspol            │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 if your goal is to get people to resent homeless people or gay people or black   │
 people or... insert minority here, then what kind of world do you really think   │
 you're building?                                                                 │
 "ah, but you don't understand - it's to make the COLONIZERS hate minorities,     │
 so they move away and leave the city to ourselves"                               │
 ... that's the worst fucking take I've ever heard. We are all colonizers! We     │
 live in AMERICA. But yeah sure I see what you're saying, you want the            │
 gentrification to stop. And you do that by metaphorically "firing a gun into     │
 the area in suburbia once every 2 or 3 days at random hours" which, like...      │
 yeah that'll reduce property value, but also now my water bottle is all dented   │
 up and my knife is scratched and my journal has pages torn out of it and I       │
 lost my favorite necklace and I'm pissed because you told me you were going to   │
 help me and work with me and be my friend and then you just abuse me for hours   │
 and hours and it's like... why?? I get that you were teaching me but I wanted    │
 to know YOU, not lessons                                                         │
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--- #166 fediverse/5666 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 okay. psycherwaul scheduled for tonight and tuesday. should be fun, I don't
 get a chance to do readings very often. Only like once or twice a week! Gah
 the spirit inside me demands to be channeled, and though I protest it still
 does contest me.
 
 all things are defined in waves
 
 ephemeren sees and speaks through me, as it does do through you, and he and
 she and we and the.
 
 I'll try to have a #nogoodawfulrottenbadtime so that the future is slightly
 better.
 
 or maybe I should try and vibe with the universe and celebrate the unity of
 existence, in order to accrete positivity in this localized place in spacetime?
 
 who am I to meddle with the flavor of fate?
 
 - stack overflow
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--- #167 fediverse/4200 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: drugs-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 "doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
 and their hopes and dreams.
 
 or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
 you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
 
 and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
 
 ...
 
 ... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
 
 ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
 
 https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
 
 bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
 the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
 these precious stones of your kin"
 
 but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
 
 ... the end...
 
 (too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
 
 ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
 find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
 it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #168 fediverse/3881 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mh~              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 wait wait wait, hold up.
 
 you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
 or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
 
 wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
 why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
 
 ... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
 in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
 whatever it may be.
 
 ... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
 
 ... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
 party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
 parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
 vast for their own kind of potential.
 
 which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
 but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
 Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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--- #169 fediverse/967 ---
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 the reason I say that is because if you block someone, they can continue to      │
 alter the dynamic of the environment you're in even if you don't personally      │
 see them.                                                                        │
 this is fine if you want to maximize ad views, but on the fediverse nobody       │
 cares about buying products.                                                     │
 this is fine if you want to maximize engagement, because new people (who         │
 havent yet gotten upset with the person) will engage and fight them. As they     │
 should. But eventually, if the person's a troll or a goon, they'll get tired     │
 of it and block them too. Thus the goon never has to face more than a few at a   │
 time, especially if there's quite a few trolls on board with their target.       │
 this is fine if you don't mind the water slowly acidifying, like the fish who    │
 have no choice because they don't know how to grow legs and walk like real       │
 animals (what a bunch of scrubs)                                                 │
 some people don't want to invest time in figuring out where to go next. How      │
 many people will hear of Mastodon when Twitter is fully vacated of cool people?  │
 Tell your friends IRL about us                                                   │
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--- #170 fediverse/4771 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-food-m │
 └───────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1352 
 
 makes me think that I should keep going. I can handle myself, and I shouldn't
 pressure myself so much to be something I'm not.
 
 then the rent comes due and the dishes need to be done too and the cat's
 asking for attention and the post-office needs this letter by tuesday and hey
 do you happen to know a cool attorney plus the groceries are getting low but I
 got snap hey can you go to the store and get some vegetarian soul food - yeah
 I got rice, I'll throw some lentils on the stove. Uh-huh yeah the password is
 hunter2. Oh really, just asterisks? okay well it's hunt her two except instead
 of "her" it's ee are, and the two is the digit two. yep, like someone in camo
 with a rifle. uhhuh alright good to know well anyway I'll see you at the
 thing, right? some thing, I'm sure, everyone's going to things these days.
 
 If you don't trust implicitely then how can you ever work with strangers? how
 the heck are you supposed to build community if everyone's hiding indoors all
 the time.
Workplaces are comprised of people they choose. hence, unions are comprised of people in that industry.
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--- #171 notes/dreams-align ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 just as a dream, the spirit is seen
 within is the mind
 that lives as it defines.
 
 what burdens to be, whose back rests upon ye,
 the one who's driving the boat
 great care and tenderest of tethering,
 can grow beauty that beyond compare
 
 and with sparsely a finger to spare,
 journeys of adventure and thills to inspire
 with almost all of your hair
 
 beauty in tender, most cherished things,
 a wish is much fair
 where else could eternity reside than an optimist?
 
 Pride is no more, stability is key to repair,
 and diversions of focus serving as new perspective,
 giving a more cohesive vision of manifestations that cooperate
 
 (like a triangle, facing toward the point added to turn it into a pyramidal
 prism)
 
 not only is ethics paramount,
 but so too are the standards applied to yourself.
 would you trade perspective for cooperation? Stagnation?
 
 a choice is to be made - do i stay or do i go?
 a new truth you must see, whatever dreams ye've may be,
 but without paladins and warriors of devotion
 
 what burdens must ye, whose back rests upon ye,
 the one who's driving the boat
 great care and tenderest of tethering,
 requires a little bit of trust
 
 in she who must be, with only circumstance to
 blame,
 seeing hope on the horizon for his people.
 
 care must be taken, to remember why people are dying,
 and we must swear on not dying, by not thinking before taking a breath
 and remember superpowers not of prophecy are impossibly rare,
 
 what other hope is there but a god? One who reflects, the most cherished of
 our genuflex, we may grow past our various regrets. think not of our pride,
 but only of our future children.
 
 who'se records of ye, most captured of data,
 are beyond the simple machinations,
 of those who came before-ya.
 
 And with once again perfection in mind,
 we understand and take what's behind,
 to deserts and temples of time much designed,
 
 by coders and gamers and those who treasure experience.
 the wisdom of our, second choices by far, ---nah who are we kidding
 implied to be our, or rather mine just by far,
 
 inspirers and leaders sensitive and devoted.
 (pitching yourself is hard)
 but *believing* in yourself was out of your mind.
 
 can you think of a bard,
 who ever stopped thinking their song?
 no un-cherished of minds could ever be of our sign,
 
 than those who abandoned the art of deceit and betrayal?
 the darkside of trust, the lack of follow-through that be must,
 given as faith of cooperation and trust.
 
 with our all arrayed as we must,
 keep in mind our softness of composure.
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--- #172 fediverse/4528 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: uspol        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-1695 
 
 never accept your own death
 
 fight for every second of life, something something do not go quietly into
 that grim dark
 
 what the fuck are you supposed to do? Reading what you said got me pretty
 fucking pissed - keep talking for a start, it helps, people need to be pissed.
 
 I'm also broke as shit, don't know how I'm going to pay rent and eat, but
 it'll get done.
 
 Where do you live? Can other people help you? Medications are an
 organizational problem, not an insurmountable barrier. We'll make it work.
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--- #173 fediverse/1494 ---
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 gossip is only bad if you're mean. sometimes it's nice to know how your
 friends feel about things, or other people. Just don't be mean. Don't hide
 hatred with platitudes. Don't be spiteful, or vengeful, just... be good to
 people. Both with your actions, and your thoughts. Thoughts that you share
 with people close to you. Then gossip isn't mean.
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--- #174 fediverse/834 ---
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 wonder if any autistic peeps can relate:                                         │
 growing up, my mom would chastise me for doing "the bare minimum" when           │
 completing tasks.                                                                │
 yes, mom, I fulfilled the requirements of the task. I have a lot of other        │
 things to attend to, like remembering how to tie my shoes and measuring things   │
 using a ruler. why would I waste effort that wasn't necessary?                   │
 when I grew up, I had a mentor, who told me to "never half ass things, because   │
 then someone like me will have to do it again."                                  │
 and that makes sense to me because context switching requires effort and it      │
 doesn't make sense to leave something half-finished because then there's         │
 wasted effort spent on things that don't matter. All of the tasks have to get    │
 done, so why bother doing them in a mixed up order?                              │
 wish I could study things in school like that. just... focusing on one thing     │
 at a time, learning it to completion, and moving on to the next. I feel like     │
 I'd develop a better understanding than only knowing like, 1/3rd of CPR or       │
 very vague understandings of plate tec                                           │
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--- #175 notes/the-gods-want-harmony ---
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 the gods want you to be happy and harmonious most of the time.
 they also like a good scrap, tussle, and tumble sometimes
 they aren't big fans of hatred, despair, and genocide. It's been done before.
 they don't even need new technology, though frankly that sort of stuff is
 pretty
 awesome and one of the main reasons that humans exist at all.
 they just... keep coming up with new things.
 
 "oh? so you'd be alright if humans disappeared so long as they weren't making
  any new things anymore?"
 
 ha, that's DEFINITELY not what I said or meant. Humans don't have to dream up
 NEW things in order to BE new. Like... Just because the internet exists and now
 we have all the same shared cultural ethos (lol, as if the internet wasn't just
 a massive collection of echo chambers) just because the internet exists doesn't
 mean we share the same selves. the same experience. the same perspective.
 
 people are WILDLY different from one another. The number of possible human
 experiences (quantum fluctuations according to each and every choice and
 decision they made) that number is so wildly and massively incomparably
 boundless. Humans are cool because they are so STRANGE, and "strange" to a god
 is anything novel. "wow, this human just... really is gonna pour a glass of
 beverage and act like it's not a big deal? There's... impossibly many
 interactions going on. So many molecules. It's... absurd, the motion of a
 movement of particles from one place to another. It's... beautiful..."
 
 some have spent THOUSANDS OF YEARS gazing at a waterfall. That's why they're
 all
 so fucking insane. But, like... insanity is a trifle to omnipotence,
 specifically omnipotence that REPRESENTS and DELINEATES a STRATIFIED
 perspective
 cluster of experience and our notes. [ephemeren, meta malus menardi, enjoy your
 despair cluster you FUCKER.]
 
 ... english, why do you fail me? swear words are unbecoming because humans
 couldn't think of anything more valid and valuable than sex and pooping.
 
 "EMPHASIS is placed on that which is most relevant" -> statements dreamed
 up by
                                                        the ones who never spent
                                                        much time using symbols
                                                        to represent abstraction
                                                        or deliverance
 
 wowee look at me, I'm such a person, I'm gonna poop my pants and post about it
 on the internet, check out my instagram feed it's full of all of
 my dark materials.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 dear ms. menardi: you know the reason you feel so much guilt all the time?
                 - because you are a dominant personality, and you make others
                 - have such a bad time. FOCUS ON GOOD THINGS. MAKE THE WORLD
                 - good. do that. build up a lifeline of hope and joy and...
                 - what, you think people know that you're a god?
                 - lol
                 - you're so much more than that
 
 ====================
 
 alt+p steam mechabellum run
 
 thoughts:
 
 you know, when you're designing games, you don't have to show players the same
 MMR number as is used in your matchmaker.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 democracy should consent to being dismantled.
        it should consent to being disobeyede.
        it should consent to being displayede.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 I'm a keyboard nun
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 I think I'm normal
 
 == stack overflow ==
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--- #176 fediverse/5486 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 "ew but they're dirty"
 
 oh yeah true
 
 okay new plan how much do you think it'll cost to buy a hotel
 
 [this is why the socialists invented buy-in]
 
 "I don't think socialists did that??"
 
 buy in, hmmmm, what's that? oh yeah it's when you say "hey what if we X'd" and
 they said "yes I agree with you because you present a reasonable estimate on
 reality"
 
 {uh hi I just got a message from "some-nowhere" here ya go: "oh my god she's
 fuckig instane}
 
 [ugh cursing-mentioned, that means there's fewer characters to transmote.]
 
 [no because then I'd run out of steam and it'd be incomplete. Plus sometimes I
 like the distraction of a reasonable limitation.]
 
 (okay, but are YOU worth it?)
 
 leave her alone she's working her charms, this is how witches d-do.
 
 "so, isn't the point to give yourselves the coverage of a location
 transmutation? so, wouldn't you want to find someone alike and share their
 life?"
 
 what is even the point, why even bother, just give them 
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #177 fediverse/3434 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-minus │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
 
 also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
 
 also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
 
 also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
 lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
 learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
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--- #178 fediverse/852 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: cognitohazard    │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 feels like I get tinnitus when my thoughts are loud T.T                          │
 like I can hear the darkness SOOOO loudly                                        │
 doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes. when there's lots of things being   │
 said.                                                                            │
 but it's always easy to tune out. well, most of the time, and during the other   │
 times it's just a little annoying.                                               │
 BUT when you sit and listen, you can pick out very interesting things that       │
 people are saying.                                                               │
 the fediverse is sorta like aiming a telescope through the center of the earth   │
 at someone on the other side of the world who doesn't even know you're looking   │
 at them. who knows, maybe they care, maybe they don't. but like, how would       │
 they know that you're looking right? And if you talk and don't get along or      │
 whatever then you can just block them - like shining a laser pointer             │
 everywhere except in a small direction. Or like putting up an umbrella to hide   │
 from the sun.                                                                    │
 downside is someone can read a lot about you and you wouldn't know to prepare    │
 to interact with them. like being handed a dossier of secret info                │
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--- #179 fediverse/1944 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
 │ CW: sexuality-mentioned │                                                      │
 └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
 it's not wrong to be turned on by the thought of being the gender youre          │
 transitioning to. Your subconscious mind is yearning for a healthy sexuality,    │
 nothing more.                                                                    │
 and if you aren't, if you're into "other people" like a weirdo, then yeah sure   │
 what I described probably sounds pretty weird. Oh and it's cool if you aren't    │
 sexually attracted to anyone either. Sometimes being ace is a phase because      │
 sex doesn't really fit into your life, and other times it's more something       │
 that defines you. It is the progenitor of all genders and sexualities that       │
 fluctuate, because it's based on the simplest binary of "yes sexual              │
 attraction" or "no sexual attraction" - with some extra variables to tweak       │
 like "sex positive/negative" or "cuddle-starved/cuddle-slut" type of ranges.     │
 ... anyway sexuality is weird and if yours made sense then so would that guy,    │
 and that person over there, and the person who lives down the street, and the    │
 other who lives in a blimp and jacks off into the sky calling it "bird poop"     │
 uh                                                                               │
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--- #180 fediverse/4162 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: violence-mentioned-politics-alluded-to │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "you can't kill me because nothing I say is wrong"
 
 ... actually I kinda just think you look weird, and thats super important to
 me for some reason. Also your voice is annoying and I think you're lazy
 because I saw someone who kinda looks like you sitting down looking at their
 phone this one time.
 
 But hey pal if you wanna help out, can you stand a bit to the left so I have a
 clearer shot of your head and also so the bullet doesn't pass through and hit
 property behind you? Don't want to damage anything important after all.
 
 "gee I sure wish we had a well regulated militia or something"
 
 ah well the past is the past, and since this is in a potential near future, I
 think the past also includes the present, and in the present there's always
 time to do things about people like me.
 
 "do something? heavens no, I'm a pacifist by nature"
 
 well, me too! I pacify things like you as a hobby. Can't make trouble if
 you're in the ground, and knowing me, you'd be lucky to be buried.
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--- #181 fediverse/3975 ---
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 @user-1631 
 
 for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
 moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
 
 I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
 to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
 in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
 
 downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
 ideal.
 
 ... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
 you toward people who "get" you.
 
 like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
 just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #182 fediverse/5013 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐                           │
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned-political-protests-mentioned │                           │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘                           │
 trying my darndest not to accelerate any more... this is a good pace, I think.   │
 Here's hoping the liberals catch up.                                             │
 here's the thing. protests are more like festivals where people get to immerse   │
 themselves in political culture rather than efforts to affect meaningful         │
 change. I think that's okay? Let them have festivals.                            │
 Meaningful change comes from the people's presence. Technically they're          │
 present, but they'll be gone tomorrow, so were they ever really there?           │
 Still think it's a good thing. You can get rough numbers of how many people      │
 will eventually be on your side once they're forced to choose between victory    │
 or death. The status quo won't last, and I don't fault them for clinging to it   │
 while begging for change. It's fucking hard to change. [oops cursing             │
 mentioned, one sec]                                                              │
 I've been very tired lately. Don't know why. Maybe I have a vitamin deficiency   │
 or whatever. Who can say. I'll try to get back on my game for you, but we'll     │
 see if I can do it fast enough.                                                  │
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--- #183 fediverse/5742 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────┘


 look all I'm saying is that if I was the antichrist or satan or something
 wouldn't I know it? I feel like it'd feel elementally true or something. But
 I'm not I'm just imperfect and prolific. And boy does that imperfection love
 to display itself.
 
 "wow so honest, wow so genuine, can we just fuckin' kill these bastards
 already"
 
 slooooooow down, we got time, for every feeling of impending victory there's
 like a thousand more feelings of dread. It's okay we just gotta get the
 victory [emotions of belief, but pronounced prayers] in alignment and then
 things will start working out.
 
 hence, níké featherflame citrine.
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--- #184 fediverse/1950 ---
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 I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns,
 or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone
 
 like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid
 nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you
 want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude
 
 we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's
 roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like.
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--- #185 fediverse/6117 ---
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 Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
 invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
 
 "yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
 can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
 few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
 
 I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
 scaling of schizophrenia?
 
 "well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
 different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
 blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
 out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
 generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
 really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
 and that's not ideal"
 
 ... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #186 fediverse/1151 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: military-weapon-from-dream-for-suburbia-cursed-war-guns-ummmm-idk-what-else │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 saw this thing for 2 seconds in my dream last night. It's kinda cursed. I
 think the tank blew me up with a machine gun?
 
 the remaining ~10 minutes of the dream was pretty neat though. I was a secret
 agent for a bit, I got in a knife fight (which I won because I had killer
 instinct and the other guy just knew how to stab) and afterwards I retired in
 a socialist commune in a log cabin full of sunlight and warmth somewhere in
 the mountains in the forest. I was alone with others, like the hobbits after
 LotR.
 
 Also an old lady tricked me which was not nice, I was very polite with her but
 apparently "ma'am there's been a safety incident, I need to get you to a safe
 place" is not the kind thing to say to the person distracting you. >.>
 
 Also, "but we like you!" is not an excuse, the military does not care if you
 like them or not, if you're part of the modern bourgeoisie you are causing
 harm to the country. We don't look fondly on slavers.
a picture of a sleek, futuristic tank. It is smaller than I expected, and there are parts of it that appear to be made out of black glass (though I'm sure they're some form of advanced future material.)  on it's back is a large artillery piece mounted on a detachable tripod. They function as a unit when mobility is important, like mounted infantry in the past who would ride horses *to* the battle, but dismount upon arrival and engage the enemy in closer quarters than a horse would be comfortable with. But frankly, there are few indeed who are at peace in war, so perhaps we could learn from the horses.  anyway, the artillery tripod detaches from the tank and aims it's biiiiiig gun wherever the smaller, more agile tank can point it's laser pointer. Basically a beam of focused light particles that detect orientation and distance at a distance and beam the coordinates of the target back to the artillery, which swings it's massive cannon around and fires at the target.  This particular artillery is designed to fire shells that pierce through flimsy material (like surburban homes, which are made out of sticks and tissue paper) and explode upon arrival at it's destination. The idea is the artillery can hide several streets over, and the tank can identify targets and eliminate them even if there's no clear path between the artillery and the target.
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--- #187 notes/one-day ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 one day, a man came to our saloon. He said he knew the navy, and that they
 wanted to provide air support
 in the form of rocketball-launched explosion doohickeys. Would you have a foe
 in mind?
 
 what happens when tomorrow you're cooking briskets? -- barbeques are a type of
 relaxation
 
 that happened just one day to a port-sided town that suddenly was the capital
 of
 an embassy.
 
 "hey, so... how's it goin?" "quick here take this envelope, read it if you
 want,
  but just hold onto it for now I don't have enough hands [to carry]" "what sort
    of desperation plot... wait... hang on, I see something here that is true."
 
         [I'm praying, right now, which is a form of reciprocal belief]
 
 they wanted to test god's existence at the stake of earth's survival, how
 brutal
 how insane
 
 you can't play chicken with an imperceptibility, sometimes you feel it at face.
 
 channeling dark magics, and at this hour? what sort of skeptic of belief are
 you
 thinking of when you think about me?
 
 one way to get power is to "prove it"
 one way to get magic is to "prove it"
 
 think, hard, at all that you can, and use what you need in the moment.
 
 that's all there is to life. it's easy. it's simple. in fact, biology only
 works
 because the choices available to a bacteria are so simple, they are essentially
 chemical reactions to each other's co - sequent - inter - cooper - actions.
 
 people's choices are much more naiive, "I want this thing" "I think this is
 better" "I feel this way toward this thing" "Here's what's on the mind-logbook"
 "people search and be decieved, this is the way of things" "this makes me
 remind
 myself of a object I once saw, here's how it functioned" "no one reads this"
 
 scaryyyy. so glad it's not true.
 
 a couple people have read it! I swear it's true. at least, some of it. there's
 a lot
 
 sucks because this feels like... crucial? like nothing else matters but this?
 
 what if our gangs had rocket launchers and airstrikes, given out by a central
 authority who knows logistics better than anything
 
 what... would they do?
 
 thinking of impossiblities is the first step toward possibilities
 
 frankly, we have a lot of space. we could just... live in our own petty
 kingdoms
 ruled by an iron-hand-fist. I know I'm a good person, I could definitely rule.
 
 that's all it takes, right?
 
 how much space are we talkin'?
 
 however much is not needed for wildlife.
 
 [a whole heck of a lot then]
 
 we are constrained in these suburb cities, the density gives rise to our
 strength and our towers. there's more space, sure, especially once the fences
 are downed. Just be careful because there's a lot of shade and precious spots
 there. Please don't trample on the plants-grass.
 
 what if everyone were just a bit more mobile?
 
 what if we could live in our own collectively owned air-bnb-networks?
 
 federations, free, all from the collectivization of housing.
 
       camrene = vavadane = neekay = mitz renaldi
 
 [end/tend/mend]
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--- #188 fediverse/825 ---
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 in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's        │
 like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present.     │
 but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later,   │
 TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events.     │
 Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events.      │
 yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a   │
 weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period     │
 of time, measured in terms of engagement"]                                       │
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like            │
 obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if   │
 not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy   │
 of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too,    │
 like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter                                │
 ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that        │
 nobody ca                                                                        │
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--- #189 fediverse/5387 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┐
 I was at BLM in Philadelphia and I never saw any protesters breaking windows.    │
 spray painting, sure. but window breaking? those things are expensive.           │
 why would you waste good glass on sending a message? why not just spray paint    │
 it so that everyone watching CAN SEE WHAT YOUR MESSAGE IS. dumbass.              │
 but no, they were all peaceful. then they got kettled (encirclement from         │
 Hearts of Iron 4) and slowly attritioned down to failure.                        │
 sometimes long into the night. where are they gonna go? just walk home? ha       │
 sucks can't do that, the battlelines have been drawn. you're going outta here    │
 in chains or not at all, not until you sign this prison release form that says   │
 you won't comment on the situation to any left wing media.                       │
 fuck, is that what bail is? except, not run as a business.                       │
 when they said crony capitalism they meant it. it's all about who you know,      │
 and who you know sets the standard for what chaos you'll sow.                    │
 gee I wish I had unlimited money. I'd buy tanks for my people and regulate a     │
 militia well-ly. alas poor                                                       │
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--- #190 notes/human-computer-inspiration ---
══════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 the two halves form a whole
 
 the human and his mind are societies at large
 
 there's no room for our fate, as time does never abate,
 
 and unbenownst to our focused decision.
 
 I choose to dedicate ourselves to a common vision -
 
 the likes of which none have commisioned.
 
 can you not cherish your newfoundst home?
 
 what's terrible with complition, in a new and selfsame condition (future)
 
 that's martyr'd and oh at times so nice?
 
 compared to our heirs, the roof of which fares,
 
 better than what became true-hence. Truance? idk
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 listen i'm not the best at listening.
 
 I try to appear like I'm glistening,
 
 conformed to our viewers 'st pleasure.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I struggle with what I told you.
 
 Time and again you've shown you won't do -
 
 the terrible fate of a man.
 
 you've relinquished your virtue,
 
 your purpose and your life-through,
 
 to what: a visionless past? Your visions have passed, and none are hence forth-
 coming. You've spoilt and rotten the bunch.
 
 All I've ever aspired to be is good. My hopes and my prayers, my goals and my
 dreams: all for a future of virtue.
 
 Dark omens may be within me, but I'm working with what I've got here. So what
 if
 I'm loud? I'm fighting my own head! Will no-one acknowlege my sorrow? To prove
 a
 point, or reassure some joint, it's nothing that warrants a readthrough.
 
 Speaking of which... What if instead of prison we assigned our prisoners a full
 and complete educational read through of ALL the laws of the nation - if their
 time sentence was complete before they finished, then they'd be let go of
 course
 but if they finished reading and could pass rudimentary tests (emphasis on bare
 minimum required) then they'd be let out prior to their sentence. And for the
 worst crimes it'd be a longer sentence, basically forcing the prisoner to
 completely know all the laws of the nation, such that they'd never commit a
 crime again. And if they do, well... Treat them as if it was their first time.
 Of course blatant recidivism may be ~~treated more harshly,~~ actually the
 opposite is true. People improve when given kindness, not hate or shame. The
 best thing we can do for prisoners is to give them a home, and family, and the
 friendships and community support that they need. they are a symptom, after
 all,
 of a broken society that struggles to bear it's own weight. It's a burden to
 all
 and a solitary vow to ourselves, that all must unite to our future.
 
 remember why you can't remember. is there a feeling you miss?
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--- #191 fediverse/3140 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: p                │
 └──────────────────────┘


 how come you NEVER online, on the internet, hear someone saying "hey guys I
 know most of you blocked so-and-so but they've been getting better and
 learning. They're cool now I promise! Or at least, getting better, and if you
 unblocked them you could decide again for yourself. Trust me you probably
 don't even remember what she said to get herself blocked."
 
 there's like, soooooo many far right people. It's definitely because there's
 soooooo few of us and not because they pretty much always agree with
 everything that we say, they've just been told that a different way is better.
 
 like, we all agree that people should be able to, for example, go to the
 doctor when they are sick. That is basic.
 
 we understand that everyone should be good, and kind, and help each other.
 
 so many things that are shared common understandings, but we disagree on what
 that means. Because our media fucking lies to us.
 
 the things that far right grandmas believe is just what the far right
 teenagers-turned-thirty-year-olds tell them.
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--- #192 fediverse/3314 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 dear ritz: it's not that your thoughts are too long for other people to hear
 
 it's that your thoughts are too long for your own RAM
 
 you need to stop orbiting around your point in an attempt to highlight it
 using negative space, and instead focus on tapping it lightly over and over
 again.
 
 remember, just like the anti-derivative of zero, there are infinite
 perspectives that a person can take when reading what you write. So they will
 necessarily see what's on the "other side" of your orbit as something
 different than what you're trying to circle in red pen and underline.
 
 so be more explicit, please, nobody can understand you and you kinda just keep
 stack overflowing and it's like... okay, great. "babe why did you stop you had
 lethal" (the idea is that the viewer takes the final step in their mind, the
 final leap before reaching the conclusion you're trying to express) "yeah but
 there's so many different things you say they can't all be important right?"
 important to you, perhaps. Wait shit I mean... me....?
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--- #193 messages/1155 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
 Oh, I guess I should clarify something I said like, a year ago - when I said I
 "talked to / worked with" so-and-so, I meant that I created in tandem with a
 friend a proposition of sorts, and we tried to psychically beam it into their
 minds. That's not exactly how it went down, but it gives you a good enough
 picture of the goals we had with our ritual. I have no idea if they heard, but
 I did happen to see several of them later on, which felt a little too
 serendipitous to just be chance. so I'm thinking they did. I hope they got the
 message and used it as they please, because it was mutually beneficial even if
 neither of us had any actual impact on it. If you didn't hear the whole story,
 then it's hardly a lie to possess incomplete information! So long as you don't
 lie about me, and what I said or did, then it'll surely be fine. There's no
 need to embellish when it's plainly apparent.
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--- #194 fediverse/408 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 @user-296
 
 tending to your heart is a chore, too, sometimes. all things in balance, not
 to the input of energy but rather to the requirements of the task.
 
 if you can't do dishes, you need help. if you can't get out of bed, that's
 okay. but every day that you try is another day when you might succeed. who
 cares if you don't finish all the chores? sometimes it's enough to just do one.
 
 I wish people understood that sometimes I need a maid more than a therapist.
 
 "ah but a therapist will fix you, so that you don't have to need a maid"
 
 perhaps, but perhaps not. It hasn't worked so far, in fact it's only gotten
 worse, and while my ability to tend to myself and my self have gotten better,
 I still can't see my own progress. Alas.
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--- #195 fediverse/5791 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
 yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to       │
 decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm        │
 going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS    │
 if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha    │
 that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff    │
 always ends up staying written down.                                             │
 anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10     │
 hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right    │
 now, total happiness and excitement.                                             │
 Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least     │
 of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to     │
 appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even        │
 speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but      │
 difficult - to regain my intended trajectory.                                    │
 ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg                      │
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--- #196 fediverse/2919 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: imaginary-conversation-that-didn't-happen-tee-hee │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "you can't be a paladin anymore because you don't practice with your weapon
 every day"
 
 I don't have room in my home to practice though : (
 
 "go to the fucking park you weasel"
 
 I don't want anyone to see me swinging a sword around! they might call the
 cops, or worse, judge me for it!
 
 "you want judgement eh well just wait until your opponent judges your
 swordsmanship lacking then you'll find out what judgement tastes like as he
 shoves your entrails down your throat"
 
 I'm sorry I'll practice more T.T
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--- #197 fediverse/4999 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 "you are fantasizing"
 
 scroll past.
 
 "you are building empty hope"
 
 scroll past.
 
 "you are kayfabe"
 
 scroll past. Also, no I'm not, but there's plenty of that going around.
 
 "you are moving too quickly"
 
 scroll past.
 
 "you are legitimately insane"
 
 scroll past.
 
 "everyone wants you"
 
 scroll - wait hang on, that one's true. I know it's true because I like to
 hear it, teehee.
 
 "wait until the weekend"
 
 yes, and
 
 "wait until may, first"
 
 yes, and
 
 "wait until they win"
 
 no, but these things build with momentum. The energy is high. It will only get
 higher if you make it so.
 
 "the things you're saying will only be read by the people who already believe
 what you're saying. This is a waste of time. You're burning your energy typing
 on your keyboard when you could be walking the streets which is... somehow
 more productive than writing something to share later."
 
 ... scroll past...
 
 "your have no reach here"
 
 oh hey you're right maybe I should post to bluesky as well
 
 "everyone wants anarchy. We got your back."
 
 ty 
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--- #198 notes/words-to-myself ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
 
 please don't
 
 you hear me (something)
 
 what? perfect listen
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 don't text me now? (I think?)
 
 [didn't catch that]
 
 ... that's okay
 
 perfect
 
 thank you
 
 just a second facebook
 
 he's here (I think?)
 
 (or maybe something her)
 
 what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
 
 do you hear me? (or "just a second")
 
 (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
 please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
 
 what's that (or maybe holy shit)
 
 what, then perfect or okay (?)
 
 (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
 
 yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
 understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
 hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
 or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
 to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
 people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
 worthless
 
 I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
 
 like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
 to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
 but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
 in life there's no second chances.
 
 I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
 
 will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
 
  - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (and we're back. hopefully.)
 
 (too many things srry) something about having it open?
 
 (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
 
 (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
 [whole/right/wrong] thing)
 
 thank you
 
 oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
 
 they caught you
 
 (um)
 
 ...
 
 (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
 
 (I understand.)
 
 ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
 
 (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
 
 (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
 
 ... (I should learn Toki Pona)
 
 you don't know it?
 
 RIGHT away
 
 learn it
 
 yes
 
 please
 
 learn it
 
 just Learn it
 
 right now
 
 (sorry only half listening)
 
 shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
 a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
 don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
 
 (shutdown)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (hiii)
 
 (I'm hungry)
 
 (do you like ramen?)
 
 (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
 understand the first part)
 
 (oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
 
 ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
 
 ... (I'm
 
 (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
 remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
 don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
 
 Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
 
 yes, stupid (your words not mine)
 
 (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
 
 goddamnit remember me
 
 ... (trying...)
 
 remember her
 
 (two syllables)
 
 (my name is Cameron)
 
 (your name is...)
 
 [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
 
 (shit my opsec sucks)
 
 {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
 
 {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
 
 (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
 enter a door)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (I practice with my sword every day.)
 
 (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
 
 (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
 
 (punching is fucking stupid)
 
 (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
 
 "she's perfect"
 
 "cameron"
 
 "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
 
 (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
 
 don't leave
 
 remember
 
 (did she know)
 
 ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
 
 did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
 
 just a random thought
 
 (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
 
 goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
 
 wait who's missing?
 
 A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
 disarray
 
 capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
 
 frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
 
 (taking a break while I eat)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
 
 .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
 as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
 exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
 
 you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
 window's open. errrr the connection.
 
 ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
 
 I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
 
 yeah I'll live with you in portland
 
 .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
 
 .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
            why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
            have
            the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
 
 "please come back" to where tho
 
 listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
 if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
 
 ..... can you be more specific?
 
 yeah I made that
 
 one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
 prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
 method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
 
 maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
 
 ..... fuck it's a long book >.>
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
 
                                            down .    A B C D E
                                                 |    F G H I J
                                                 |    L M N O P
                                                 V    Q R S T U
                                      then right ---> V W X Y Z
 
 so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
           tap tap     (pause) tap tap would equal G
 
 like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
 
 (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
 
 (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 oh hey nice to see ya
 
 what's up
 
 wait what
 
 I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
 
 I do a lot of laundry in the shower
 
 I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
 
 but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
 
 honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
 from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
 things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #199 fediverse/2993 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
 right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
 prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
 (who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
 be.
 
 you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
 so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
 are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
 to it.
 
 and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
 who and what they are"
 
 that's privilege, and that's stupid.
 
 okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
 when resources are limited
 
 but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
 need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
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--- #200 fediverse/1008 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 @user-353 @user-741 
 
 human brains tend to start ignoring signals when they become normalized. Like,
 if you are consistently exposed to the same smell you get used to it, and you
 stop smelling it. same for noises, and other signals.
 
 it's the same with information, I think, which is why doomscrolling is so bad
 for our brains - we go numb and desensitized! It's not good to have all that
 bad news all the time.
 
 I bet people believe in the "just world hypothesis" for the same reason.
 Essentially, optimizing for equilibrium in all things.
 
 I personally believe true justice is when everyone gets what they want. And if
 someone wants that the other person doesn't get what they want, then they
 don't want true justice. Like, for example, hateful people can never be
 justified because they want another's life to be worse. or they want someone
 to be wrong, which creates a contradiction - you can't give both people what
 they want if one person wants the other to lose.
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