=== ANCHOR POEM === ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────── "you know what this dish needs? some ramen noodle seasoning. Hang on, I think I got some in my junk drawer." said nobody ever everyone knows there isn't just ONE junk drawer, but several hundred. They multiply in the middle of the night, but it's by such a small constant factor (0.015 ish according to our top scientists) that you don't notice until it "flips the bit" and hits the new landmark which marks the miles since you got stoned. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/5092 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────── "you know what this dish needs? some ramen noodle seasoning. Hang on, I think I got some in my junk drawer." said nobody ever everyone knows there isn't just ONE junk drawer, but several hundred. They multiply in the middle of the night, but it's by such a small constant factor (0.015 ish according to our top scientists) that you don't notice until it "flips the bit" and hits the new landmark which marks the miles since you got stoned. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/4066 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── the lawful good in me says "clean up that spill you just made" the chaotic good in me says "throw a brick at a cop car" and the part of me that listens says "uhhhhh okay somewhere in the middle of those two points is "ignore the spill and the cops and just finish making your ramen I guess?" and frankly that's the one I'm more likely to listen to" and frankly that's the one I'm more likely to listen to. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/4968 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────── "ugh ramen is so nutritionally empty. Like, okay, dehydrated noodles and salty powdered broth, what can your body do with that?" um, make soup? ... sorry I wasn't paying attention, what were you saying? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────┘ --- #4 messages/685 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────── If someone calls you in the middle of the night asking to be let in because they need a place to sleep, don't let them in! Unless you know them obvi but someone you don't know trying to manipulate you like "please I need some shelter" like, babe no, we need to know each other first, it's dark, I'm in my pajamas, c'mon. If it's below freezing then okay, maybe, but... They got themselves into that situation ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/2286 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────┐ │ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │ └──────────────────────────┘ ... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first [passes out from exhaustion] exhaustion can be cured with a nap exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion. maybe laughter too, depending on the mood. fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act, and loss is just change you didn't consent to. they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate. [internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them surrendering] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/1853 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐ ║ I really really love ramen noodles that are just a little bit old but still │ ║ warm and are slightly drying out a little bit but there's juuuuust enough │ ║ sauce down at the bottom to keep it coated │ ║ │ ║ that's the stuff │ ║ │ ║ (meanwhile my evil side says: it starts with "hey can you help me cook dinner" │ ║ and then suddenly you're working all day every day) │ ║ │ ║ (and then so are they) │ ║ │ ║ (and it continues.....) │ ║ │ ║ (... until.... ) │ ║ │ ║ (one day you wake up and there's nothing you are capable to do) │ ║ │ ║ (so then you're useless) │ ║ │ ║ (and demanding) │ ║ │ ║ (and that's hard to handle) │ ║ │ ║ (when your schedule is blocked, and there's nothing you are capable to do) │ ║ │ ║ ... weird, kinda drifted off for a second, anyway we should talk about │ ║ BIRTHDAYS! Birthdays are fun, theyre the day when you switch from being one │ ║ age to another. Like, rolling over a clock, or ticking-up a variable in │ ║ response to another variable which is at capacity. │ ║ │ ║ buffer overflows would be impossible if you put import/export controls on │ ║ registers │ ║ │ ║ not "you can't do that" but "wheres your cre │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/4853 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursed-scary-mentioned │ └────────────────────────────┘ wanna know how to go underground? just... don't leave your apartment. let your roommates take out your trash and buy your groceries. don't open your windows and do nothing for as long as possible. hope you got lots of edibles... get in shape, will ya? don't waste the paper in your journals. not that I intend to do that or anything, but um. for the red states maybe? use your best judgement yeah haha ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/4742 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── "but what about their legitimate grievances" uh hello I'd like a number 5, a number 9, extra pickles, some fresh human blood supplied by the guy behind the counter with the pretty green eyes, a number 2, make it a combo, some fresh icicle drippings even though it hasn't snowed since last year (RIP winter), a side of fries, and a diet coke. Large. Actually make it two diet cokes. Yep, both large. Alright see you in a sec. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #9 fediverse/922 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: food-sorta-cursed-i-meant-saline │ └──────────────────────────────────────┘ the best thing about ramen noodles is how much of them you can eat. they're so cheap~! why would you not make like four packages oh wait now my blood is salty T.T guess I'll just have to cry it out ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/4180 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────── @user-1639 or nobody sees it, because you post the things you say on the internet in 2024 which is so siloed and echo-chambered that the only people who hear it say "tru tho" and "she just like me fr" and never change because of your words ... wait that's just what you said, but made more specific, isn't it? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/4692 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── what's that? a bunch of houses burnt down in california? what if we built a couple warehouses and stored all our trans girls in bunkbeds there, with rooms for LAN parties and snuggle parties in rooms full of stuffed buddies plushies with massive kitchens and sad ballpits where you can go to vent your feelings by writing on a ball with a sharpie and then when someone else is feeling sad they can come and read the balls and maybe feel something ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/1796 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: food-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │ └──────────────────────────────────────┘ I'm just now realizing that my favorite ramen seasoning is essentially salt, MSG, and a fuckload of smoked paprika. I don't know how to feel about that. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #13 messages/96 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────── "Oh don't keep track of the license plates in your apartment complex, that's paranoid" "Oh don't worry that you've never seen the same person at the grocery store more than once, even though you always go to the same one, you're just paranoid" I'm being hypnotized ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/2480 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── so what if people want to sit on the couch eating cheetos? they're more than capable of something far greater, but of course they are allowed to spend as they like their life. their ONLY life. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/3117 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursed-uspol │ └──────────────────────┘ hey. wanna know what would be really cursed? -- if trump dropped out and musk took his place -- good thing it'll never happen because those dinguses can't accept defeat and will never tactically retreat -- maybe something to keep in mind for 4 years from now. eyes on the prize for now means our eyes aren't to our flanks. what else could they do that would come out of left field? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/3611 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: food-mentioned │ └──────────────────────┘ I wish they sold ramen noodle seasoning by the jar and ramen noodles by the package (without seasoning) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #17 fediverse/4744 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: cat-mentioned │ └──────────────────────┘ me to my cat: "don't eat so much that you puke, okay?" me to me: "yeah I can take on another task, I'm almost done with this one and then I'll just do that one and maybe this one'll get back to me at the same time as this one which conflicts with this other thing so maybe I'll just puke, okay?" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #18 messages/663 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────── "cheetos are not a healthy dinner!" my mother's voice echoes through my mind as I reach for my chopsticks ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘ --- #19 fediverse/5843 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────── me when it's cold out: we should all bundle up and get through the winter, every year that passes is more time to gather our strength me when the temperature rises: okay so this is being handled by those guys, we're moving this way to do this, and - when did you say the this-and-that was happening? alright so when you do that-or-this, make sure that you pay attention to the so-and-so and don't forget to eat real meals, candy or chips don't count. me when the eyes are on me: imma play video games and smoke weed and be a useless little creature who does nothing but occasionally wanders around the city doing nothing for nobody and dropping notes on post-its that don't mean anything but are kinda cool to read ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────┘ --- #20 fediverse/2562 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌──────────────────────┐ │ CW: rich-apologia │ └──────────────────────┘ among all the others, I want a wonderful and fulfilling life for the socialite. they deserve light just as you and I might. "eat the rich" bruh there's like, 100 people who are running the show. everyone else is basically just a syncophant who's trying to get ahead and stay working. then there's like their families and such and like... they didn't do anything wrong, they just eat cheese and wine and laugh at memes all day with their besties. they are basically pets ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ |