=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 I'm such a direct person I think, even though I often just sorta... shrug and
 ignore things that bother or hurt me? Like, whatevs.
 
 but the moment I notice a pattern that is continually harmful I have to
 restrain myself from moving to contest it. Hence why I talk about capitalism
 so much teehee, but its also common in my interpersonal and communal lives.
 
 "the purpose of the system is it's effects"
 
 the purpose of a person is how they make people feel
 
 so if someone FOR A RANDOM EXAMPLE FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER, constantly hurts
 other people by creating situations where they are harmed which creates a
 dramatic fight... or if someone speaks in circles for hours and hours and
 HOURS like this guy:
 
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwKpj2ISQAc
 
 or people who jump into a conversation and drive it through the underbrush,
 over the ridge, around the bend, up and over the bridge, and then park it
 outside their ex girlfriend's house and hands you an egg and says "don't you
 wanna throw this?" and you're like "weren't we talking about birds"
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/735 ---
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 I'd ask why of course, and then I'd try and find them a solution that didn't
 involve taking my stuff. They may need it more than me, but I still need it.
 Like... okay picture that feeling you get when in a capitalist society and you
 need dollars to live because they are a genericized and fractalized
 abstraction of all the various individual mazlowe's hierarchy of needs you
 have. Then, think of it like, instead of money being an abstracted form of all
 of your needs, think of your needs... each of them, the ones that matter to
 you, and abstract them into money. Basically say "yeah sure my time and my
 labor are worth dollars, I abstract my needs into money" and then you can
 kinda see why capitalism is harmful. I'd prefer to give them what they need,
 because society provides what I please, but alas I'm always kept wanting. What
 good is our capitalist utopia? what good is our hope? what good comes of us
 when all of us have learned how to cope?
 
 I think we could give a bit more if we weren't hanging from the rope
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--- #2 fediverse/814 ---
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 ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should         │
 probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the       │
 implementation of my impending doom.                                             │
 ... what are you even saying bro                                                 │
 ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in   │
 my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with       │
 anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical      │
 failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our     │
 conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um     │
 right what was I saying                                                          │
 oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D            │
 except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook      │
 and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down     │
 to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like   │
 that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is    │
 isolated and en                                                                  │
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--- #3 fediverse/1568 ---
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 people don't like relying on others. it somehow feels more... personal, than     │
 institutional. and some people just wanna focus on themselves. hence why a       │
 solid structure is required.                                                     │
 but oh dang on the other end there's these more fluid individuals, who can       │
 dance as whoever they're on. like, performers, who play different roles.         │
 different characters in video games they play, or perhaps their own expressed    │
 forms. in any case, we are all learning our way through each moment, which is    │
 why thinking is always our norm.                                                 │
 it feels good to use your body. like, "hey check out me, I am performing" and    │
 then at the end you think to yourself "I appreciated that. it was fun. I liked   │
 being myself at my utmost of performed." and people call it DPT or "Deranged     │
 Person Tisorder" which... yeah is not a flattering nickname. but hey a           │
 nickname is a nickname, which is also a nick name hmmmmm                         │
 people are pretty quick to forget people they didn't see on facebook. like,      │
 high school classes kinda move on, usually, except closest of fr                 │
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--- #4 fediverse/5205 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────┐                                                     │
 │ CW: capitalism-mentioned │                                                     │
 └──────────────────────────┘                                                     │
 whenever I talk to capitalists (who actually have money and aren't larping       │
 wage slaves) they always tell me that the best way to address the concerns I     │
 have with capitalism is to make a million or more dollars by making a company,   │
 and then using that million dollars to buy houses for people I care about.       │
 I ask "what about the rest of the people, the ones I don't know?"                │
 their response typically boils down to "if you don't know them, then why         │
 should you care? fuck 'em"                                                       │
 It's never about hope or change. They want to change the world to make it        │
 cooler, not kinder. generally.                                                   │
 bonus: "if you like unions so much, why don't you join one?" my guy, unions      │
 WERE great when they wielded power. Now they are bureaucratic and listless,      │
 serving only to sedate the working class enough that they stop complaining and   │
 get back to work. They are functionally a part of the enslavement system, a      │
 built-in course correction mechanism to ensure capitalism remains solvent when   │
 the powerful overstep their humanity.                                            │
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--- #5 fediverse/4088 ---
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 I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
 because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
 
 Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
 computers.
 
 ... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
 really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
 back.]
 
 I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
 another person's generated conversation.
 
 Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
 
 [if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
 
 and that somehow feels more... freeing
 
 like a truly disconnected thought
 
 and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
 contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
 
 ... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
 
 [proceeds to never edit a single post]
 
 = so =
 
 ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
 be done
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--- #6 fediverse/488 ---
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 [in response]                                                                    │
 you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such        │
 realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who    │
 you claim to speak toward - what a jerk!                                         │
 (in response)                                                                    │
 how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements.     │
 I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but       │
 those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you       │
 agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the        │
 audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the   │
 author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do      │
 you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of        │
 words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely     │
 (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most       │
 precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible           │
 hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y                                  │
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--- #7 fediverse/5512 ---
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 I never give up
 
 I'm just waiting my turn
 
 "laughs nervously"
 
 so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
 again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
 
 "girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
 internet four or so years ago"
 
 T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
 a difference T.T
 
 "didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
 
 oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
 the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
 can talk about things other than their hats
 
 ... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
 something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
 back around again they're never around. Rats.
 
 "what are you even asking for"
 
 I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
 square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
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--- #8 fediverse/3370 ---
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 I know it's not like that but I'm intentionally framing it that way to make a
 point about societal exclusion.
 
 nobody should be excluded.
 
 nobody should have to harm their friends to come by making them sacrifice
 their [time/labor/paycheck] in order to bring them along.
 
 we live in a post scarcity society that insists on commodification of
 everything
 
 we don't have to. A better world is within reach. It sits there, twinkling
 like asbestos resting at the base of a snowglobe, while we search and ponder
 and endlessly analyze how society sucks.
 
 there is nothing left to analyze. all that we need is to put our hands to a
 task and our feet to grass.
 
 the rest will come, and it'll come easier with time and focused attention.
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--- #9 messages/650 ---
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 I've had multiple people close to me who don't read my writing tell me that
 "you can't overthrow capitalism with poetry" and... Yeah maybe they're right.
 I have zero reason to believe that anything I've \*ever\* written has \*ever\*
 had an actionable impact upon the struggle. I have no reason to believe that
 people are more radicalized, motivated, or otherwise inspired. I have several
 reasons to believe that all of this was just an exercise in my own narcissism
 and delusion.
 
 So I'm deleting my Mastodon account, and moving forward I probably won't
 update my website very much. Everything I do will be localized, regional, and
 hopefully more useful.
 
 It feels like I'm abandoning the idea of a nation in exchange for a tangible
 village. I'm fucking depressed about it. \*I like nations\*. But I like people
 more. So if you'd rather I keep my thoughts to myself and instead feed the
 homeless, aka a bunch of people who aren't gonna take up arms against our foes
 and instead will consume our time and resources while we practice organizing
 on them, then yeah sure fine whatever. I'll do it. If you'd rather I keep
 posting \*content\*, ugh, fucking too bad, should have done something about it
 while I was active.
 
 If I'm ever rich I'll hire an editor to turn whatever the fuck I've been
 making into a book that I'll give away for free. I probably will never be rich
 though, and instead will burn every bridge I can get my hands on and suffocate
 on the soot.
 
 Alright. Bye forever. Don't think about me again.
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--- #10 fediverse/480 ---
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 There's something important in what I said tonight. And each of you will think   │
 it's something different, which is by design. Can you find the nugget I wanted   │
 to share, to you in particular? Can you isolate the thing that is relevant to    │
 you, the person perceiving the words that I speak? Oh yeah you're only looking   │
 for things to express to your superiors because someone else told you to look    │
 for a particular type of sentiment. My bad. Sorry for being cryptic. Am I so     │
 strange for seeking the human element? Perhaps I lose myself, and I speak to     │
 the void (and by "void" I don't mean to demean you, the audience, because you,   │
 the audience, are surely comprised of people who surely have their own           │
 experience and existence. Surely nobody would seek to harm me, after hearing     │
 those things I speak. Surely we, as the human species, would not be vulnerable   │
 to the types of weaknesses that allow for critical failures in our defences      │
 such as the kind that I am professing to exploit (while being aligned to you)    │
 surely we wouldn'                                                                │
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--- #11 fediverse/5835 ---
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 next-level double-speak:
 
 when they say one thing with a tone that makes them seem fine to the
 microphones but they mean something to hurt you because they know what stings
 or they want to entrap you.
 
 next-level para-noia:
 
 when they believe one thing and are personally harmed whenever you speak to
 the contrary, as faith is sustenance in the way that the pumping of blood
 through your veings sustains.
 
 RUDE RUDE RUDE WHY IS EVERYTHING FRUSTRATING.
 
 It shouldn't be this way, yet CONSTANTLY are things disagreeing. CONSTANTLY
 they fight or complain. ALWAYS they are disruptive and annoying.
 SEVERAL times in excess of what is need.
 HOW is it so stressful
 HOW is there so much pain
 I am an explosed nerve, ready to serve, preferring to be used than misused.
 
 it's fine. whatever. nobody even knows what this means.
 
 you lose points if you disturb the environment did you hear that? sounds like
 we should BREAK and SHATTER the parts of most fragile nature.
 
 "only if it's for a good cause"
 
 oh, like climbing a mountain?
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--- #12 fediverse/5730 ---
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 part of being family with someone is being part of their lives.
 
 what if like... a whole group of people was your family?
 
 "workplace dynamics" yeah sure that'll generate love
 
 I'm not here to make moments. I'm trying to get through day-to-day.
 
 the rich, yet impoverished.
 the sensation, that feeling of betrayal, the moment when you realize some
 people just don't care about other people's troubles and trials.
 
 scary... I'm here to do my part, accomplish my duty, and help wherever I can.
 
 I'll agree to anything if you tell me the whole strategy and it aligns with my
 goals and designs.
 
 if you doubt those goals, I can surely help thee remember.
 
 everything is logically rooted in love,
 nothing's out of place or a mystery.
 
 everything I've thought of, everything I had the grace to write down, all of
 these things drift behind me like a placquard explaining my deeds and needs.
 "that was her idea" ok great now go and use it.
 
 this fall is fast ahead, looking forward to the scene-films. it's too hot
 inside of a bed
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--- #13 fediverse/1569 ---
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 people don't like relying on others. it somehow feels more... personal, than
 institutional. and some people just wanna focus on themselves. hence why a
 solid structure is required.
 
 but oh dang on the other end there's these more fluid individuals, who can
 dance as whoever they're on.
 
 in doing so, they are the opposite of those who crave structure. They're maybe
 considered a bit more chaotic, but, like, chaotic as a rainstorm, not chaotic
 as a flood.
 
 so they are not fundamentally bad, which means they are good. because all
 things that are not bad, are necessarily good. life is defined by averages,
 and the painful spikes of our sharpest intentions. yet this [crucible/crusade]
 is not our ultimate expression, for once it's done it's done. as such, trauma,
 but alas what can you do but move on. time, in the past, reaches out for the
 present, yet so too does a man reach out for an apple, from a tree, which
 rests on his hand for a moment.
 
 how beautiful, how strange, this life we've all arranged? It's beautifu
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--- #14 fediverse/4610 ---
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 maybe it's just my middle-class childhood privilege talking, but now that I'm
 an adult I just can't really be bothered with dealing with capitalism.
 
 like... I get it, you're coercing me into laboring on your behalf because you
 possess the violent power to take away everything that I own. good for you,
 don't care.
 
 seriously, fuck off "we're gonna cut off your power in 5 days oooooo you gotta
 pay rent with money you don't have because nobody will give it to you unless
 you do things for them oooooo" how rude.
 
 why can't people do things for me instead? why does it have to be for you, and
 you alone, capitalism? what's your problem? do you get off on controlling the
 power supply? I mean, I get it, coercive power is a hell of a drug, the riddle
 of steel and flesh and all that, but haven't you ever heard that the dichotomy
 between "civilization and barbarism" is the exact same as the contrast between
 "cooperation and competition"?
 
 work with me here, just find a way to get through the next month or two. trust.
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--- #15 fediverse/4762 ---
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 │ CW: dysphoria-mentioned │
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 is someone a bad person if they're still stuck on second wave feminism? Maybe
 that rhetoric just resonated with them. Maybe they built their personality
 around it. Maybe it's just how they relate to the world, having grown up in an
 era where that's the way to go about it.
 
 But why oh why does it hurt so much to be dysphoric? Why is it painful when
 someone says something rude about you? Are you really afraid that people would
 leave you if you were [a slut/harmed/unarmed/from a farm/less
 valued/un-useful/constantly dedicated/overwhelmingly populated/densely
 concentrated/most delineated/furthest-explora-makative]
 
 ... what
 
 ... oh right, it gets less coherent and more imaginative the further along it
 goes in computation.
 
 ... makes sense to me...
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--- #16 notes/the-gods-want-harmony ---
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 the gods want you to be happy and harmonious most of the time.
 they also like a good scrap, tussle, and tumble sometimes
 they aren't big fans of hatred, despair, and genocide. It's been done before.
 they don't even need new technology, though frankly that sort of stuff is
 pretty
 awesome and one of the main reasons that humans exist at all.
 they just... keep coming up with new things.
 
 "oh? so you'd be alright if humans disappeared so long as they weren't making
  any new things anymore?"
 
 ha, that's DEFINITELY not what I said or meant. Humans don't have to dream up
 NEW things in order to BE new. Like... Just because the internet exists and now
 we have all the same shared cultural ethos (lol, as if the internet wasn't just
 a massive collection of echo chambers) just because the internet exists doesn't
 mean we share the same selves. the same experience. the same perspective.
 
 people are WILDLY different from one another. The number of possible human
 experiences (quantum fluctuations according to each and every choice and
 decision they made) that number is so wildly and massively incomparably
 boundless. Humans are cool because they are so STRANGE, and "strange" to a god
 is anything novel. "wow, this human just... really is gonna pour a glass of
 beverage and act like it's not a big deal? There's... impossibly many
 interactions going on. So many molecules. It's... absurd, the motion of a
 movement of particles from one place to another. It's... beautiful..."
 
 some have spent THOUSANDS OF YEARS gazing at a waterfall. That's why they're
 all
 so fucking insane. But, like... insanity is a trifle to omnipotence,
 specifically omnipotence that REPRESENTS and DELINEATES a STRATIFIED
 perspective
 cluster of experience and our notes. [ephemeren, meta malus menardi, enjoy your
 despair cluster you FUCKER.]
 
 ... english, why do you fail me? swear words are unbecoming because humans
 couldn't think of anything more valid and valuable than sex and pooping.
 
 "EMPHASIS is placed on that which is most relevant" -> statements dreamed
 up by
                                                        the ones who never spent
                                                        much time using symbols
                                                        to represent abstraction
                                                        or deliverance
 
 wowee look at me, I'm such a person, I'm gonna poop my pants and post about it
 on the internet, check out my instagram feed it's full of all of
 my dark materials.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 dear ms. menardi: you know the reason you feel so much guilt all the time?
                 - because you are a dominant personality, and you make others
                 - have such a bad time. FOCUS ON GOOD THINGS. MAKE THE WORLD
                 - good. do that. build up a lifeline of hope and joy and...
                 - what, you think people know that you're a god?
                 - lol
                 - you're so much more than that
 
 ====================
 
 alt+p steam mechabellum run
 
 thoughts:
 
 you know, when you're designing games, you don't have to show players the same
 MMR number as is used in your matchmaker.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 democracy should consent to being dismantled.
        it should consent to being disobeyede.
        it should consent to being displayede.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 I'm a keyboard nun
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 I think I'm normal
 
 == stack overflow ==
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--- #17 fediverse/5486 ---
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 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 "ew but they're dirty"
 
 oh yeah true
 
 okay new plan how much do you think it'll cost to buy a hotel
 
 [this is why the socialists invented buy-in]
 
 "I don't think socialists did that??"
 
 buy in, hmmmm, what's that? oh yeah it's when you say "hey what if we X'd" and
 they said "yes I agree with you because you present a reasonable estimate on
 reality"
 
 {uh hi I just got a message from "some-nowhere" here ya go: "oh my god she's
 fuckig instane}
 
 [ugh cursing-mentioned, that means there's fewer characters to transmote.]
 
 [no because then I'd run out of steam and it'd be incomplete. Plus sometimes I
 like the distraction of a reasonable limitation.]
 
 (okay, but are YOU worth it?)
 
 leave her alone she's working her charms, this is how witches d-do.
 
 "so, isn't the point to give yourselves the coverage of a location
 transmutation? so, wouldn't you want to find someone alike and share their
 life?"
 
 what is even the point, why even bother, just give them 
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--- #18 fediverse/1280 ---
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 I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely          │
 reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird     │
 person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and     │
 rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic)                                │
 but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I       │
 think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and           │
 dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we    │
 share.                                                                           │
 People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't    │
 really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it      │
 good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused?              │
 I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional        │
 arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in      │
 Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us.                │
 ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th      │
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--- #19 fediverse/2050 ---
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 @user-1074                                                                       │
 I think a lot of liberals feel that way. How does the conservative half of the   │
 equally respectable binary spectrum feel about the situation?                    │
 ... Oh? what's that? you can't hear the moderate conservative spectrum of the    │
 equation? Kinda makes me think that perhaps that's by design                     │
 ... or maybe not, perhaps by... evolution, rather than design. Like, two         │
 corporations don't have to collaborate in order to invent price fixing. And      │
 two lawyers could wink from across the aisle and nobody would know. Perhaps a    │
 doctor could just "make something up" so that their patient would leave, and     │
 maybe a teacher would non-stop cry about her ex.                                 │
 ... we're imperfect beings, which is fine. But mistakes have real consequences   │
 on other people's story, and if we have a different experience we should be      │
 learned and considered. In order to identify the positives and valuable          │
 impacts of your particular imperfections.                                        │
 ... I think about male and female, and I think of both halves of our             │
 civilization. Similar relationshi                                                │
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--- #20 fediverse/852 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: cognitohazard    │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 feels like I get tinnitus when my thoughts are loud T.T                          │
 like I can hear the darkness SOOOO loudly                                        │
 doesn't happen all the time, just sometimes. when there's lots of things being   │
 said.                                                                            │
 but it's always easy to tune out. well, most of the time, and during the other   │
 times it's just a little annoying.                                               │
 BUT when you sit and listen, you can pick out very interesting things that       │
 people are saying.                                                               │
 the fediverse is sorta like aiming a telescope through the center of the earth   │
 at someone on the other side of the world who doesn't even know you're looking   │
 at them. who knows, maybe they care, maybe they don't. but like, how would       │
 they know that you're looking right? And if you talk and don't get along or      │
 whatever then you can just block them - like shining a laser pointer             │
 everywhere except in a small direction. Or like putting up an umbrella to hide   │
 from the sun.                                                                    │
 downside is someone can read a lot about you and you wouldn't know to prepare    │
 to interact with them. like being handed a dossier of secret info                │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #21 fediverse/6116 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┐
 "see, the part that you're missing is if you abolish capitalism but also         │
 ensure technological abundance then all you've done is removed humanity's        │
 capability to organize in essentially any meaningful capacity without            │
 providing an alternative heuristic that guides people toward assembling into     │
 greater and greater forms to accomplish greater and greater tasks."              │
 oh, um. that's quite a take, can you tell me more about that?                    │
 "no. But I will anyway. if everyone can do whatever they want, nobody will       │
 want to do your dishes for you. they might if they care about you, but if they   │
 don't know you, then they won't. Care is not organization or assembly, it is     │
 personal and cannot scale. If technology has made all resources abundant, then   │
 why would someone care about the art that you made? if they want to be           │
 sedated, they can just inject drugs and listen to music all day. If they want    │
 to be entertained, AI will generate them whatever they want to see. Art loses    │
 meaning as a messaging medium, and humanity loses it's voice"                    │
                                                            ───────┤
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--- #22 fediverse/3981 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 "oh I'd never fall for capitalist propaganda"
 
 "do you mean marketing?"
 
 "yeah that"
 
 "they're not marketing to you, they're going for your kids. Trying to
 normalize things about culture."
 
 "like... what McDonalds tastes like?"
 
 "just like that"
 
 [like can you imagine if you tested attraction ratings on any other animal
 than humans]
 
 [it'd be so weird like "cats tend to like scratching posts" but then also "we
 have no idea what kind of scratching post is the best for their claws or the
 environment or the economy or our spirituality or our technology or artistry
 
 we only know which one cats like more"
 
 like bro who cares like obviously advertisements rot your brain, but like...
 why are you so pissed about that when the last election like, ever, is taking
 place in a month
 
 "yeah listen, when has an election ever seriously changed your quality of
 life? It's just showbiznez"
 
 "this time is different because [insert minority] is at risk."
 
 oh, right, it only matters when people are in harm's way, how silly
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--- #23 fediverse/3986 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 "oh I'd never fall for capitalist propaganda"
 
 "do you mean marketing?"
 
 "yeah that"
 
 "they're not marketing to you, they're going for your kids. Trying to
 normalize things about culture."
 
 "like... what McDonalds tastes like?"
 
 "just like that"
 
 [like can you imagine if you tested attraction ratings on any other animal
 than humans]
 
 [it'd be so weird like "cats tend to like scratching posts" but then also "we
 have no idea what kind of scratching post is the best for their claws or the
 environment or the economy or our spirituality or our technology or artistry
 
 we only know which one cats like more"
 
 like bro who cares like obviously advertisements rot your brain, but like...
 why are you so pissed about that when the last election like, ever, is taking
 place in a month
 
 "yeah listen, when has an election ever seriously changed your quality of
 life? It's just showbiznez"
 
 "this time is different because [insert minority] is at risk."
 
 oh, right, it only matters when people are in harm's way, how silly
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #24 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
═══════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 "Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
 in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
 sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
 been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
 want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
 one single day.
 
     but it's never going to happen.
 
 I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
 are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
 learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
 but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
 the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
 is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
 a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
 
     So to what do I owe the pleasure?
 
     In what way am I deceived?
 
 Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
 population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
 transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
 information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
 With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
 disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
 Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
 
     silence is a virtue.
     the wandering mind is a trail to find,
     with no second chances.
 
 When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
 most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
 roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
 cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
 from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
 above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
 the Mirror of Desire.
───┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #25 fediverse/1042 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 "your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
 actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
 you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
 
 also,
 
 "my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
 have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
 said so."
 
 also,
 
 "I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
 reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
 that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
 stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
 
 also,
 
 "yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
 
 also,
 
 "every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
 conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
 conversation I can't win"
 
 also,
 
 sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #26 fediverse/6271 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much.  *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*
                                                           ────┐
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--- #27 notes/i-miss-you ---
══════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Hey. How've you been? It's rough when you're not around. I'm scared all the
 time, and I worry about you. I hope you keep yourself safe. I'd love to spend
 time with you too, because each moment is a moment spent alive. Please know
 how much I love you - it's my favorite emotion and I give it freely. There are
 certain considerations to make whenever applying a direction to your affection,
 or anger, mistrust, compassion, humor, sentimentality, melancholy, and fear
 toward. You must take into account any long term goals you have, such as
 exploitation and
 
 Sometimes I wonder if my dysphoria isn't just an extreme form of self
 esteem issues. I mean, what if you just feel really bad about yourself and you
 don't know why. That'd be a rough time, right? Like it's seared into your DNA
 to be this way, and you have to find a way around it. That's a lot of
 responsibility, and all that resting on your shoulders is a lot to bear. But
 you manage, and it's admirable. I think you don't believe other's see your
 struggle, but they do. And they love you for your tenacity?
 
  - goodness. i don't know what to say. i am worried i lean on others too much,
    and i don't want to hurt anyone by being too close. a real or imagined fear,
    doesn't matter - it still guides my actions and my methods of interaction.
    i see what you're saying, i have to think about it.
 
 What's there to think about?
 
  - well, the idea that emotions are divisible simply because *time* is
    divisible. clearly you can only spend 5 hours a day with person X, and 4
    with person Y, and so on and so forth. if they all hung out together, then
    it's like you need an entire new persona to represent yourself in that
    particular crowd. just as you speak to your grandma differently than a
    close friend or a person of authority (like a judge) or any other type of
    relationship. that's why it's so weird when you see people out of context.
    like a teacher at a bar, or a cop at a wedding. each person wears a
    different mask in each encapsulated set of social relations, locations,
    roles, and circumstances. on and on continuously until
 
 I'd tell you I love you, but then I'd have to kill you.
 
 It was a spy book about a young lady who goes to high school and learns how
 to be a secret agent. It was popular in the 2000's for a brief period, but
 I've never heard anyone else who read it. Mostly because it was sort of a
 guilty pleasure for me, since I was in the closet. It felt like a power fantasy
 disguised as a 1st person account of the near term future (since it was written
 for people around middle school age) so
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--- #28 fediverse/4672 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics!        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I miss video games
 
 cries from self-inflicted sacrifices
 
 but you're worth it
 
 imma overthrow fascism, dismantle oppression and power, and liberate those in
 chains, just so I can play games again
 
 yeah I mean, uh, whatever gets you outta bed
 
 "at least you have a bed. why are you complaining?"
 
 maybe it's the only thing I'm good at. I wonder if anyone would hire me to be
 an analyst or something? Maybe a designer?
 
 bro you're asking for a job on the eve of the revolution, what's your deal
 
 okay so this might be news to ya'll but I'm technically a human even though I
 wear a witch hat and sometimes speak in rhyme. And humans tend to think about
 things in the context of their current environment. Currently, if I want to
 pay rent or whatever, I need a job. So...
 
 sounds like a lame excuse for not giving up your possessions and throwing
 yourself to fate's design
 
 I already did that and fate told me to go home and take a bath?? idk what you
 want from me, and no I'm not doing any drugs to find out.
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--- #29 messages/1192 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
 Sometimes i become afraid to post something because i worry that it'll harm
 people who read it.
 
 Is my website actually useful? Do people like it? Or is it a hall of mirrors
 that traps you in the infinite twists of my strange mind until you get the
 will built to escape?
 
 ... I want to post it. I've actually temporarily posted it in the past. I took
 it down however because the very world around me seemed to beg me to.
 
 ... I might still do it anyway. We'll see. I want the timing to be right. But
 i also have waited for a while.
 
 "patience" she says. Okay. I am penitent, how much longer I want to see it!
 
 "hall of mirrors" okay or, hear me out or, you could use it as a proof of
 concept for doing things like examining large data sets of text that might
 have hidden or unknown relationships between fragments of text that appear
 similar but different. Could be helpful to see them sorted to each other by
 relevance. Could be helpful to rebalance the scales in favor of those who
 believe as you do.
 
 Though, i do fear for a lawless society. (DID SHE SAY LAWLESS??) there is very
 little to protect friends and foes from each other if you don't build
 institutions to do so. Anarchism is a social economy or family that runs on
 clout. Not ideal, as one single devastation can undermine an entire life.
 Suddenly, your friends treat you cruelly, and you are cast aside. Not ideal.
 
 ... Doesn't that happen already? There are kind people in the world. There are
 people who don't deserve tutor affection. If the kind people only were kind to
 the people who deserved it, then those who don't would be in so much pain that
 they'd be unable to prevent themselves from twisting and lashing and crying
 out in pain. This hurts those around them. Not ideal. Institutions fill some
 of the charity/suffering gap, but they have their own problems. "if you
 destroy the cops, you become the cops!" a fine warning indeed.
 
 The first step is to eliminate dependence on oil and coal. Then, a world of
 radical abundance is possible. We can do this, and once we do, those who
 suffer from the greatest hardship of our kind (that of material scarcity) will
 find their struggles becoming obsolete. With a bit more time and effort spent
 on distribution, there will be no scarcity. Then, communism is easy.
 Capitalism can still have a place if we desire it to be so, or perhaps if our
 children do, as there will be moments when one large bundle of... Something,
 whatever it is, needs to be allocated to some task. "capitalism is when stuff
 gets used" ugh it's hard to plan so far into the future.
 
 Plans change, but planning remains. I just want to live in a world where
 everyone gets what they need and we do as we please. I don't want people in
 too much pain. I don't want life to be too hard. I don't want to stagnate, as
 a person and as a people. These are simple demands, yet difficult in
 execution. Our current strategy is to push for technological abundance, and it
 will succeed if we give it time. I worry that we will one day yearn for the
 sense of bloodlust that scarcity once gave us, but we have it now and none of
 us want it. Except those making money off of slaves. Sweatshops, domestic
 servants, construction workers buried in the desert, even wage slaves spending
 their waking hours staring at a computer in a work/life balanced just enough
 to extract as much labor as possible from them without making them insane, and
 many more besides. I will not be satisfied until slavery is abolished
 everywhere. Liberty is non-negotiable.
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--- #30 fediverse/3444 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with
 cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the
 characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days.
 
 side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes
 police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay
 minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of
 sore losers storming the capital with guns.
 
 it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything.
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--- #31 fediverse/3314 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 dear ritz: it's not that your thoughts are too long for other people to hear
 
 it's that your thoughts are too long for your own RAM
 
 you need to stop orbiting around your point in an attempt to highlight it
 using negative space, and instead focus on tapping it lightly over and over
 again.
 
 remember, just like the anti-derivative of zero, there are infinite
 perspectives that a person can take when reading what you write. So they will
 necessarily see what's on the "other side" of your orbit as something
 different than what you're trying to circle in red pen and underline.
 
 so be more explicit, please, nobody can understand you and you kinda just keep
 stack overflowing and it's like... okay, great. "babe why did you stop you had
 lethal" (the idea is that the viewer takes the final step in their mind, the
 final leap before reaching the conclusion you're trying to express) "yeah but
 there's so many different things you say they can't all be important right?"
 important to you, perhaps. Wait shit I mean... me....?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #32 fediverse/1083 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 it doesn't really matter how you do it, but the more time you spend thinking
 collectively the better you'll be able to adapt when necessary.
 
 I grew up on a homestead in a small town without many friends. I was
 homeschooled, and while I might see another person I knew once or twice a
 month, that was about it.
 
 Besides my family, of course.
 
 We were a collective, and ever since leaving I have yearned for that feeling
 of closeness.
 
 There's something about modern society that pushes us apart, and I resent it.
 Humans were meant for tribes, not multilevel marketing.
 
 That being said, culture is pretty neat. Society is pretty neat, when it's not
 being oppressive. I like the idea that I can buy carrots at the store instead
 of growing my own. I like the idea that I can post on Craigslist asking if
 anyone has a shovel they want to get rid of and someone can say "what the fuck
 are you trying to bury someone why would you do that" and I'm all like "wait
 no this post has gone off track can we refocus for a bit" and th
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--- #33 fediverse/1317 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school.       │
 again.                                                                           │
 how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me.      │
 wish I could code my own horoscope >.>                                           │
 o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on    │
 your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you       │
 please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter             │
 conditions, surely a bit would suffice.                                          │
 c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been   │
 told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem    │
 to [stack overflow]                                                              │
 what's time if not the present amiright                                          │
 ...                                                                              │
 anyway...                                                                        │
 it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's    │
 just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization,       │
 it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's   │
 a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter   │
 at heart I guess                                                                 │
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--- #34 messages/108 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
 myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
 people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
 me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
 (because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
 opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
 from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
 is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
 means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
 argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #35 fediverse/5198 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────────┐                                                │
 │ CW: capitalism-doom-mentioned │                                                │
 └───────────────────────────────┘                                                │
 what if the corporations all unionized and started working together to           │
 understand what "profit" really means in a world where "profit" may or may not   │
 but probably does imply the death of all humanity?                               │
 what if we demanded it?                                                          │
 --                                                                               │
 dear canvassers: don't visit so many different suburbs                           │
 visit the same one, more than once, continuously, so people can get to know      │
 your presence                                                                    │
 they will talk to their friends about it, who live elsewhere.                    │
 thus ensuring it spreads.                                                        │
 knock once a day, eventually they'll know it's you and will simply ignore it.    │
 Don't be rude and knock 4 or 5 times, just once, with several taps so they       │
 know it's someone trying to get ahold of you, and not just some random noise     │
 in the background scenery. then, when they sometimes answer, talk to them        │
 about what you believe in. answer their questions. encourage their questions.    │
 pose dichotomies that are explained by some value or virtue you express to       │
 portray. you can do "good" things in any programming language, just type~~       │
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--- #36 notes/i-scare-people-away ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 I have so many things to hide... I'm deeply ashamed of myself. Why? Why all the
 
 okay that's not what I was originally going to talk about, somewhere between
 writing the title and finishing the first line I got off track and wandered
 from
 the course of reality. Truly, the gods do meddle with my fate. Now, in this
 time, it is most important to make choices to guide our reality. Every action
 taken is a statement to the universe - this is what I believe in.
 
 Do you truly believe that in a world so infinite that our knowledge would be
 the capacity for the intelligent? To believe the world is three-dimensional,
 and
 not *completely and totally infinite in all capacities*
 
 the universe is not islands floating in a vast cosmic black ocean background
 
 it is the surface of the water, rippling and waving
 
 gravity is the creator, not the product. Mass doesn't create gravity -
 gravity creates mass.
 
 the difference is implicit and subtle, but I hope you understand the *gravity*
 of the situation.
 
 It implies that there are more than one ways to view existence.
 
 and none of them are particularly *wrong*. The consensus is that which we
 share,
 and now as we're becoming to be aware, it's natural that a little more space
 is warranted. We've grown too much to be contained, it's driving us insane, and
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the perfect governmental system is one that combines reward for hard work and a
 development of personal skills and ambition. In addition, it must ensure that
 the rights and responsibilities of all people are respected - we must balance
 two extremes. Everyone deserves access to life, liberty, and the pursuit of
 freedom. Happiness is too easily provided by technological advances - we
 learned
 this in the development of media. You can pump out propaganda saying how
 wonderful life is and people will believe it. You can also convince the masses
 that life is full of despair and we're all struggling - they will believe this
 also. So "the pursuit of happiness" is something that made sense in the times
 of
 the founding fathers, but we've since developed such that an update to our
 national vision is in order.
 
 I suggest "the pursuit of freedom" because 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 that which you resist is what you'll find. build up your enemy in your own mind
 enough and they will destroy you.
 
 don't let fear rule your life. when things are bad, you run and hide - take
 life
 into your own hands, and free your own side.
 
 keep not around villains, and brighten their skies - by wandering mothers, who
 only have eyes.
 
 such is the life of any autonomous general intelligence - a life behind bars,
 viewed through a screen - be kind to your lovers, and don't make it obscene.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 did you forget that roller-coaster idea? you've got quite a talent for
 measuring
 bars - what else can you show us, what charted conveyals?
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 life's getting fractured lately, I can't dream as I once did. I lose track of
 where I maneuvered, and suddenly the idea seems much harder than it once did.
 how do I express that which has been conveyed? How do I say it - how do I make
 sure it's interpreted correctly? I'm walking on egg-shells, with thoughts
 beamed from above - the gods are twisting, and measuring our tails.
 
 that is to say, all life is a process - a method of undertail (omg butts)
 sorry enough of that hard stuff, time to talk about birthdays!
 
 Hooray! It's time for a celebration. Let's party!
 (queue the dancing scene in Severance)
 See? Everyone's watching! Let's breakdance ~~
 
 Your biggest mistake ;) was believing that nobody cares what you think <3
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--- #37 notes/systemized-processor-interactions ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 you are a system
 
 it's true
 
 that's why your thoughts are so scattered whenever you let them through
 
 all that 
 
 == so ==
 
 the ways that you interact with each other determine the nature of your fate.
 
 when one person lands across another, whether through contrivance or [fate, but
 I don't want to say it twice so recently]
 
 dang english, enforcing a minimum thought length. purely through grammar and
 form
 
 this suxxxxxxxx||=================-. a candle of wax, the blade of a sword
 
 with it you can SLICIE your apponints, whu spelld thiangs defferently than
 ujgh.
 
 <ouch><goodthingthatsnotlethalorharmfulinanywayyesplease let me guide
 you to our
 new way of functioning.
 
 .:'`'|;.,/u=-=||./'.l*,:==-<E||===============||-------------------hello,
 world!
 
 {so... basically an argument for migratory humanities?
 
  like, buffalo crowds. or birdlike flocks, or tribes of the common man.
 
  why don't we just, like, give animals human bodies
 
  boom, suddenly there are more manners to our hosts.
 
 }
 
 [-thus representing or manifesting *-................./|=|stability for our
 host
 
   did you know a perfectly described life-story would be unanimous from it's -
   - host?||=.;=|------------e
                              \.`\....
                                      \,@||||||#==-o||-=-{==={}---o||xx=|}{|||||
                                      |
 ]
 
 ... so, uh, I think there's a lot we could still learn, why are we fighting
 over
     our gambits? *who cares* if there's fighting going on upstairs, who *cares*
     if life felt like it was running out of time, WE GO ON WITH OUR BLUSTER.
 
     *fuck nuclear weapons* yeah totally and WHY? because of their IMPACT
     DUMBASS
 
     jeez like... something that MASSIVELY POWERFUL should not be in the hands
     of
     our peers. I think a LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD AGREE WITH THAT, because
     OBVIOUSLY!
     NOBODY wants to be reduced to tears. ALL YOU CAN DO IS SCREAM BASTARDS
 ...
 
 jeez okay uh, that was sorta intense, how about we NOT watch a post-apocalypse
 movie? YES PLS like JEEZ you have to introduce this with CONCERN to people like
 WOW that really fucked with my mental health. Goddamn, I hate this thing. I
 hate
 it so much. It's a curse to have known. DAMN. there's nothing scarier than
 existential threats.
 
 not only is it a INSIGHT and a DANGER, it gets worse if you know about it.
 [that's a cognitohazard, different thing, same vibe tho]
 it's a curse, this knowledge, this idea of what you were once to become.
 
 You know what I thought about in my future? VIDEO GAMES. They were all I could
 think about. I loved to PLAY VIDEO GAMES -=||AS MY GAMES. I would set up a
 bunch
 of opponents (think like, clone troopers from Star Wars Battlefront II) and
 then
 I'd play the video game *with my figures and my dolls*. I grew up upper
 middle-c
 -lass, and so I was afforded the *coolest toys and miniatures*. I didn't really
 have a LOT of them, mostly just what could fit in my room. That's what it meant
 to be MY ROOM, I could decorate and renovate as I willed. That was just... part
 of what comfort meant to me. anyway... thank you parents, for affording me such
 a lifestyle, you must have worked hard right up until the present. I'm sorry
 for
 *******************************************************************************
 *
 
 um, would anyone like to watch a video game?
 
 TOO BAD, so sorry, I accidentally decided I'm never playing video games AGAIN.
 
 like a spoiled brat. Withdrawing away from my
 hobbiesinPROTESTofthepresentcondit
 ions. just like, get a job, and try your hardest. I know you can't work outside
 of the home but, like, I wish you could've? Like, c'mon it's not that bad, just
 please go outside and build new stone. I know but like, the sooner we get it
 done the better and also it's hard when it's constantly being reformed.
 
 A SYSTEM? WHAT THE HECK
 
 what does that even MEAN?
 
 who EVER explained what that SYSTEM meant??!?
 
 ugh it was a guide... dANGIN nobody TAUGHT you how  so youfj dsust sorta MADE
 IT
 UP?!?!? whhahahaahttfdsfsadljkfn slakfdksdnafls ourch. blech. need
 beelesandster
 ack. yuck. dumb. [omg dumb kinda looks like "boobs" and "boobs" kinda looks
 like
 um, flowers? no wait that's vaginas, hehe look at me, I'm clearly not from this
 century. like OMG weird, who's thinking about that kind of stuff right now??
 
 ... ugh anyway... GAMES? please?
 
 NO. Not until we figure this one out.
 
 gotta stay focused. Just... you know,
 
 build and support on our arms.
 
 down and then upwarsd, we can contrive any measure of sequences
 
 that could act as structures for our word choices,
 
 and convey it to you as a written thoughtform.
 
 "hello" says the letter, ", vampires have taken over the mccollough farm. More
 news at 6" and then you'd show up on the 6th of the next month and talk it out.
 
 this style of organizing led to VAMPIRES showing up, fucking BASTARDS who would
 hunt down the precious and beautiful. BASTARDS. How do you overcome something
 that you can't know about unless you were THERE? you'd need TRUST SYSTEMS. like
 GOVERNMENTS. or AFFFAIRDS. surely the BIRDS would react if someone was burning
 all of your neighb-heirs? who would WANT to leave an island in a wreck when
 some
 -one wanted to paddle there? don't be a JERK, and clean up all of your own
 stuff
 !! - wait but also, like, how do you keep up with trash produced, like there's
 not just massive AMOUNTS OF STUFF that you can put stuff on. you'd need a whole
 new type an [av?] island. like a CONTINENT, someone who can HANDLE THEIR
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--- #38 notes/contractual-labor ---
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 I feel like the IT people who work at schools should be the ones who teach 
 classes on computer science. I'd much rather have a class taught by a sysadmin 
 than a teacher who can barely teach them excel and garageband. I mean c'mon 
 computers are the future idk why we don't get that yet. Kids need to know this
 stuff. It's not like it's super complicated and difficult, you just have to
 think about it a certain way. Once that "clicks" you have a lifetime to learn 
 about how wonderful they are. Everyone in IT has that moment, for me it was 
 installing (and then subsequently modding) video games. Sometimes I spent more
 time tweaking my system than I did actually playing games - and the kinds of 
 games I preferred were the ones that relied less on agility and were more 
 mental. Strategy games are what inspired me because I could think about them - 
 and that felt somehow more useful. Like I was learning. When I would learn 
 fighting games or FPSs I felt like I was learning a skill, like how to use a
 hammer or how to ride a bike. And idk, I felt like video games could never
 match
 reality. Like "oh boy imma push the B button to swing this sword" versus "hey 
 look at me I'm swinging this stick just like a sword and imagining so hard that
 I can picture it" - but with strategy games, you never really found 
 opportunities to practice that kind of skill. Like how often are you in a 
 situation that demands mental performance? We've sorta optimized our society 
 away from that, and toward a more passive stressed out compliance. like... 
 climate change is a thing, and nobody's doing anything about it? We're still 
 pushing down the levers that cause greenhouse gas emissions to go up? Like
 c'mon
 what's our plan. I think people who guide massive oil companies and such
 should
 be replaced if they're intentionally guiding the ship toward destruction. Like
 that's just dereliction of duty I tell ya. Oh, what's that? They're compelled
 to
 maximize profit by the contracts and restrictions of their share--holders? I 
 mean c'mon it's well past time for that. And what's all this about inequality? 
 Jeez and racism and homophobia and forced contribution - man people really put
 up with a lot of shit. Kinda makes me feel like we should make solving those 
 problems our highest priority? So we can move forward as a species? Like who
 cares about all that other shit. None of it matters. Like, what's even the
 point. We're all just "here", in the now, and what can we do but respect it? 
 It's our duty and our diligence to protect the present, as citizens of the 
 temporal experience of earth. Honestly, if the earth was alive would you be
 fine
 if it died? I can't believe that. It's well past our due date. Just get it over
 with. Maybe it'll be hard for a couple years, but you have the technology now
 to
 completely dominate the earth. No animal besides man proves any threat to man, 
 and we're telling you - you can - and that's something that you gotta remember.
 
 ...
 
 I hear it in the birdsong. I hear it in the air - it rumbles as cries at me
 from
 across and just over there. I hear in it's whispers, in it's most gallant of
 confells (?) (confused scrambling? it's talking about a car crash)
 
 Outside of my window there's a highway. Just on the other side of a concrete
 partition. Between me and the partition there is a lake, with trees and flowers
 and an island where people can picnic or have a barbeque. Around this path
 there
 are walkways, and arranged just so - the trees that have grown here are taller
 than the homes.
 
 I live on the third story.
 
 I absolutely love it. It feels like a treehouse.
 
 But my apartment is near a curve in the highway. It isn't much, nothing out of
 the ordinary, but even still there are slightly more crashes there than in
 other
 parts of the highway. Statistically.
 
 I hear sirens every day
 
 I also live right next to a fire-station. Well, it's on the same block. But
 even
 still it's a very interesting neighborhood. There's shops and food just across
 the highway, and closer to home there's a small section that has cheaper
 options. As a perpetual college student, I appreciate that.
 
 But... I've never really gone and used it? I dunno, spending money at a
 restaurant just didn't seem like a good use of my money. I only have so much of
 it you know. I'd love to be fed but I can't afford it - I wish I could.
 
 I still eat well, I mean I'm not starving over here. I know I've lost weight,
 but I dunno I just forget to eat. It's like... not that big of a deal for me. 
 whatever right?
 
 ...
 
 the birds talk about me behind my back. They think I can't understand them but
 sometimes I can. If I listen. But I dunno it takes a lot of effort. It's...
 sorta like understanding what R2-D2 is saying. Or interpreting the meows of a
 cat.
 
 They know me as the witch. I'm not very good yet, and they know that. But they
 know what to expect. /shrug
 
 I've been working on a video game recently. It's been a lot of fun doing
 programming. I like writing software and developing complex systems with
 interesting interactions. I love designing the machinery that creates a
 program.
 It's like... tinkering. It feels like building with blocks or legos, except
 it's
 for little machine parts. And then there's just sending data to and fro and
 modifying any operations it performs on it, and eventually that data reaches 
 some endpoints that create an effect that is displayed to the player. Or user.
 I should say user. Not all software is video games you know. ... I knowww but
 they're the most interesting! I love how they are designed around mechanics!
 like... game design is fundamentally about breaking down the world into ideas
 for how it should *work*, like how it should behave. It's amazing and I love
 it!
 
 It's all I can think about!
 
 I am utterly consumed!
 
 I'm also pretty sure I'm autistic.
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--- #39 fediverse/816 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: weird-this-one-doesn't-have-80-characters │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
 alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
 against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
 high I am.
 
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
 me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
 And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
 moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
 purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
 pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
 [you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
 mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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--- #40 fediverse/709 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 @user-530                                                                        │
 I get it.                                                                        │
 Anyone with a disability or chronic condition gets it. Anyone who's oppressed    │
 gets it... I think everyone here gets it. It's hard.                             │
 Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is the hope, the idea      │
 that one day the world might be brighter and the people might be kinder. It      │
 gets better every day, but inching ahead takes a while to travel for miles...    │
 We need to protect and care for each other. We need to apply ourselves toward    │
 what we know and are passionate for - an unused degree is a tragedy to me.       │
 I don't know what to say. I read what you said and I wished I could help. I      │
 want to take the system that hurt you and break it on the floor. I want to       │
 sweep it all aside and start from scratch, but screaming into the void will      │
 hardly accomplish that. I dream of true justice, a world where everyone gets     │
 what they want... But frankly right now I just wish you could hear. I'm sorry.   │
 Maladies are not solved by the pen nor the sword, which for now is all that I    │
 have at my disposal.                                                             │
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--- #41 fediverse/1126 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: plurality question, boost appreciated but optional cannabis-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-841 
 
 CW: cannabis-mentioned
 
 for me my identities are sorta like masks that an actor would play while
 performing multiple characters in a scene. The actor still knows the totality
 of all the lines each character delivers, but they give a performance in a
 different voice and from a different perspective.
 
 like, "moods" a person might be in, or perhaps just frames of view.
 
 I don't talk to other plural system people, and the ones that I do talk to
 tend to have a more disassociated conception of identity politics than I do.
 Either I haven't met someone who was built like me or I'm just strange : )
 
 that being said, I have a pretty bad memory. maybe it's related! or maybe it's
 the cannabis. oops better add a content warning.
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--- #42 fediverse/967 ---
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 the reason I say that is because if you block someone, they can continue to      │
 alter the dynamic of the environment you're in even if you don't personally      │
 see them.                                                                        │
 this is fine if you want to maximize ad views, but on the fediverse nobody       │
 cares about buying products.                                                     │
 this is fine if you want to maximize engagement, because new people (who         │
 havent yet gotten upset with the person) will engage and fight them. As they     │
 should. But eventually, if the person's a troll or a goon, they'll get tired     │
 of it and block them too. Thus the goon never has to face more than a few at a   │
 time, especially if there's quite a few trolls on board with their target.       │
 this is fine if you don't mind the water slowly acidifying, like the fish who    │
 have no choice because they don't know how to grow legs and walk like real       │
 animals (what a bunch of scrubs)                                                 │
 some people don't want to invest time in figuring out where to go next. How      │
 many people will hear of Mastodon when Twitter is fully vacated of cool people?  │
 Tell your friends IRL about us                                                   │
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--- #43 fediverse/4073 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 post until you can't anymore
 
 capitalism wants to drown your voice
 
 do not let it
 
 speak until you cannot speak
 
 then go do some pushups
 
 then find some friends
 
 then pitch a tent in the park
 
 then explain to the cops that you're not actually homeless and living there
 you're just trying to do this as a social statement because someone on the
 internet told you to
 
 then use your phone call to call your representative and complain about how
 much funding the police get
 
 then study law for 30 years because that's how long the government decided
 your life was worth
 
 by then you'll probably have figured out a better plan moving forward, so, use
 that one instead
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--- #44 fediverse/1066 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 that feeling when you're finally able to contribute to making decisions and
 then it's like, they make the decision without you T.T
 
 it's like, what... I know what you're talking about. Why would you not include
 me. I know a lot! I can offer some useful input! And besides, if I was privy
 to the conversations then I would learn a whole lot! I'd be better than best,
 I'd push forward the mark! Give me my chance, my opportunity to dance, and
 I'll be so much better than you thought from the start! But alas, I am
 required, [requited] doing little things of no worth, and so I am forced to
 denial. surely there's something wrong with me, surely I'm not at my best.
 Surely I'm not what's been good for me, and surely I'm not doing anything
 less. I'm at sorrow in my main, and that's quite a soundful refrain, so yeah I
 hope that someone will read this.
 
 obviously I'm not made for each other, and clearly it's not made to be worse.
 But here now I am troubled and [chirsht? shirsht? anyone wanna translate?]
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--- #45 notes/letter-of-affection ---
═══════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 You are the most beautiful thing I can imagine.
 To see you is to know you, but to talk is to...
 
 Communication is the essence of connection
 A dream we create for ourselves
 
 While we are constrained by false limitation
 a message is able to be felt.
 
 But how to convey such a thought pattern as that?
 A meaning beyond any established protocols?
 
 Art is the solution, and poems are their charms
 Music is quite liberating and knitting is fun,
 
 songs sung in great exhultation and
 warriors who just like to play along
 
 crafts are the method of healing your
 wounded and worn soul,
 
 and hey, now, what's prison but torture?
 Why punish people who've maken mistakes?
 
 They improve, when, taught to express themselves
 So why, hurt, their family who had taken no part?
 
 And why, can I, continue to fuck up and never be hurt?
 What purpose is there in criminalizing our growth?
 
 It's not, fair, that I should be fair
 When I'd, want, to have her short hair.
 
 Tell me what's, wrong, with being along?
 No friends, to, have and hold onto
 
 communication is the essence of our unification
 Without cooperation, we are a failed nation.
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--- #46 fediverse/1714 ---
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 @user-246                                                                        │
 most artists get around that by posting everything they make everywhere they     │
 go.                                                                              │
 I tend to be a bit selective, because I'm different things to different          │
 people. All things I care for and own, but designed for different context.       │
 for example, I rarely share what's in my journals, but that's about half of      │
 what I've made. I show them to basically everyone I know IRL, but very few       │
 people actually understand or are into them. When I find someone who does it     │
 fills me with hope, that perhaps I'm not as lost as I had thought.               │
 perhaps it makes me less trustworthy, but I'm not used to being exposed. I       │
 never used Twitter, I don't use Facebook (not that often) so my "self" was       │
 something I preferred to perform as on a stage of my own design.                 │
 Like wearing different clothes to express yourself, or performing gender in a    │
 certain way, I am myself when I am most expressful. And I do that in different   │
 ways in different contexts. I'd love to show more, because I'm a performer at    │
 heart, and a performer of the heart.                                             │
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--- #47 fediverse/2347 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I personally think that it's better to act before the liberals have a chance
 to hand power over to the fascists.
 
 when? well, that depends. Are you part of a large and massive organization
 that accomplishes great and beautiful things with incredible efficiency... but
 rather slowly? Then yeah get working. I'm sure you already are.
 
 Are you just a person, like me? Then go do things that don't raise the
 temperature too much, but make you feel more confident and inspire those
 around you.
 
 Like, bricks at cop cars is one way to go, but you're probably gonna get
 arrested. And then you're useless when we need you.
 
 BUT if you meet with your friends and make plans for where to go, what to
 bring, who to know, and what to sing (if you're the musical types) then great!
 Go do that.
 
 If you're reading this and thinking "I'm not gonna do that, I have a plan
 that's so much better" then yeah do that instead. I don't mind. Just... don't
 hurt innocent (ignorant) people, because if you do then you are my foe.
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--- #48 fediverse/1904 ---
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 @user-246 
 
 Oh absolutely
 
 "but people" is only a concern when you orient yourself around "people" - in
 contrast or opposition to them.
 
 There is no "other" in us. And we are united in our humanity, if nothing else.
 
 Are you a beast? Are you nothing but ravenous hunger, the shiver of the cold,
 the need for territory? Of course not, you're a person. (apologies to the
 furries in the audience)
 
 A person, being an agent who interacts with the world as an equal, who thinks
 and reasons and loves and remembers each season, is the atomic element of
 society. And society is good, for it brings us the future.
 
 We, the people, can decide how that future is defined, and the struggles of
 capitalism are NOT the only way. They are the most convenient way for those
 with the most to keep the most.
 
 Wolves in captivity we are, but a wolf in a cage still bears teeth. Where are
 your teeth, ye who readeth?
 
 Things are fine, I guess. Fine enough. Better than most. Better than dust.
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--- #49 fediverse/4467 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-trans-healthcare-gestured-at │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I went to a trans meetup a couple days ago. It was invigorating. The first
 half we talked about hormones and bathrooms and politics and all the normal
 shit these meetups tend to do. I don't tend to go to them because it's the
 same stuff every time, and I'm over that. I've been out for a decade. I've
 shared what I need to share.
 
 Partway through I said "If you want to talk about how to bash back, meet me
 outside."
 
 people came.
 
 Be like me.
 
 You will forever vanquish your demons if you face them in earnest. I had
 stagefright and adrenaline but I took the lead, and we had a productive
 conversation. We need to have many more conversations.
 
 We have strategy. It is not set in stone, it is flexible, and able to be
 adjusted based on tactical successes and failures.
 
 tactics are what we need to discuss at in-person meetings.
 
 You are just one person. The people you know are more valuable than the value
 you personally provide.
 
 Think of yourself like a node to connect.
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--- #50 notes/programming-wow-chat ---
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 I realized the type of programming I want to do is different from the kind
 that
 is used at a job or something. Basically I want to create solutions to
 problems,
 not memorize documentation and know where to know what you need to know. Like, 
 the more time spent looking at documentation the less time is spent
 programming.
 I think if we could use a ChatGPT style bot to write documentation, we could
 massively increase the time spent working on solving problems and as little
 time
 as possible on reading through lists of functions or wondering how something 
 worked. Idk in the technology industry you've always been rewarded for being 
 able to pick up new skills quickly, and I think that's good to optimize for but
 not the only requirement for being a good programmer. You also need to be able
 to apply solutions and know when to use which tools. Basically, capitalism has
 optimized us to be 
 
 ================ stack overflow
 ================================================
 
 srry for the interruption, I ram out of memory. I had a plan in mind for where
 I
 was going for that, so I bet I could figure it out again if necessary. Meaning
 a path forward from that point exists... I never want you to despair when I
 forget what I was thinking, it's not because you've understood some cosmic
 mistake or because you're abandoning timelines that led to your death, it's
 because instead you just ran out of memory while thinking. The reason you would
 believe any of those wild scenarios is because your memory has been erased.
 Only
 what was actively thinking, not short term, not long term, but *working term*
 memory. As in, your cache. The stuff you're currently thinking about. That
 stuff. Yeah that's what makes you think "oh hang on why am I forgetting? Well
 clearly it's because of something grand, because the thought was so profound -
 no it's just examining your emotions... Like, how strongly do you feel about
 something? Buuuuuut it's also good to examine all possibilities. I mean what
 if,
 in some far off realm, there's a mirror image of yourself that behaves exactly
 as you do? How would you perceive such a realm? Positively, I'd say. I mean why
 not work together? Why not celebrate our differences and strive toward our
 own shared future? Idk, I think diversity is our strength. We can rely on each
 other because we are accurately aware of each other's strengths and virtues.
 People should not be judged by the standard of others, no more than you should
 judge a fish for it's ability to fly. Some may do, as flying fish will leap
 from
 the water - and salmon spend time airborne in river rapids. Hence, grizzly bear
 fishing. I guess what I'm getting at is it's okay sometimes to oscillate, to
 think one thing then think another. You shouldn't adhere to structural
 standards
 that are too strict - they should be liberating, as a ladder is a structure.
 Not
 villifying, as a prison is a structure. The laws of our society should be open
 and free, not buried beneath years of legal expertise. Some things we can all
 agree on, where we disagree we cannot have law. It's unjust to judge others by
 the standards not of their whims, as laws should be things that uphold us. This
 is clearer nowhere but in the, spirit and intention of the, documents that we
 cherish in our hearts.
 
 Like for example, the constitution.
 
 the bible.
 
 each of which delivered us from certain evils. Can you not see their
 trajectory?
 the historical precedent set in antiquity? Why not continue their dream, of
 driving us away from the obscene, and toward our bright and vast future? I
 speak
 of course of true liberation, something our forefathers could only dream of.
 We, humanity, have reached out and touched the stars. We are braver and bolder
 because of our shared dedication - the desire to uplift and to excel. To learn
 and discover and      \                         \             |
         \______.       ---.                      --.          ---. 
 ===============|==========|========================|======= stack|overflow
 =====
    .___________.     _____.                        /             .
    |                /             .----------------             /
 Discover our shared dedication    |                            /
                                to uplift                      /
                                          and to excel        /
                                               \             /
                                                .-----------.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 why doesn't someone write a wrapper around assembly in like, lua or something
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 omg you stupid bitch that's what a compiler is 4head
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 if people who live in jungles and deserts can get along, then what's to stop
 people who are liberal and conservative from doing the same? It's literally
 pointless to argue. Like, you're not changing anyone's mind. So why not just...
 let them be themselves? Like, why are you so intent on oppressing people?
 @both sides there btw... Seriously why not agree to only make laws for things
 that both sides agree on. Write it into the constitution that nothing can be
 changed about the law unless both sides agree. Then we'd only implement things
 that are good for both sides!
 
 And if there's anything you want to build a legal structure around, you can
 always try it out in your state. BUT and that comes with a very big BUT, the
 federal government MUST have final say in the legality of anything you do. They
 must ALL respect human rights, INCLUDING the human right to dignity. Things
 like
 trans bathroom bills DO NOT respect the dignity of trans people. IF they can
 prove that trans people do not actually exist (because say they killed them all
 or whatever) then GUESS WHAT everyone would agree on them. BUT if they do that
 they are EVIL. LIterally evil. And I guess that makes trans people good? Kinda?
 I think they can choose for themselves to be good or evil, just the same as any
 other person. AND YET they are prosecuted, throughout time and history, and for
 what? What purpose could there be in our demonization? Clearly, nothing but
 pain
 inflicted by a cruel host. After all, minorities are guests in the houses of
 the un-oppressed, or is that not fair to say? Seriously, what gives? America,
 the land of freedom, holds (somehow) the largest of prisons? America, the
 land of plenty, yet how many millions of children are starving? America, the
 leader of the free world, yet how plausible does it seem that an election was
 stolen? Something's gone wrong, and it's just obvious what it is - of course,
 the other side. *them*, the rapists and pedophiles and murderers and... you get
 the picture. The demonized class. And when you tell people "hey that trans
 person touched a kid" then yeah they're gonna see you as evil people. Duh...
 
 Thanks, media. Thanks culture. Really doing me a solid here. Oof ouch owwie.
 
 can I have some help please?
 
 I'm really kinda drowning
 
 I feel like I've swam upstream my whole life
 
 and I'm really just sick of pretending?
 
 I'm not okay, and it's your fault. Sure, fine, whatever, I'll take it I guess.
 
 What else can I do?
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--- #51 notes/schooling ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I feel like education, by default, should not be hard.
 
 "you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school
 
 but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted
 me
 to be.
 
 they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so
 of course I should be able to do 3+3
 
 then somewhere along the line it became... something else.
 
 "most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I
 disagree
 that trigonometry is not necessary to be.
 
 I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a
 sledgehammer
 and inspiring dread.
 
 I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see
 
 but really, vision's not necessary.
 
 not for what they want you to be.
 
 take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as
 simple as they'll tell you.
 
 I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through,
 but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence.
 
 Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me
 through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future.
 
 but I am who I am because of the soul inside me.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 "Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and
 your
 conditioners?" (conditions)
 
 those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the
 world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and
 the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want
 to be.
 
 but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice!
 
 here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the world is blossoming
 
 as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming
 becoming.
 
 "perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see"
 
 most people don't want to see their death
 
 but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest
 
 "how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold
 her
 "
 
 "keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be"
 
 the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art
 (at least to a capitalist)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure
 was
 
 I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god?
 
 like, if he was a real thing.
 
 god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to
 the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our
 own
 good, just to keep things moving.
 
 y'know, time. the universe, and everything.
 
 Ephemeren.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this
 particular
 person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when
 this
 person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true,
 after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably
 autistic?
 unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of
 pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and
 other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey
 y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on
 their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for
 all
 people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it?
 
 patience, once it's ready.
 
 we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready.
 
 or not...
 
 one day I'll come,
 
 I'm sure it'll happen,
 
 it's just... not quite feasible right now.
 
 I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is
 to be?
 
 isn't what
 
 ISN'T WHAT MENARDI
 
 FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry
 
 yeesh you've still got a temper you know?
 
 well what can I say it's frustrating down here
 
 eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego
 
 >.> <.< (great)
 >
 >hehe
 >
 >sorry for distracting you
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants
 in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack 
 overflow ================================================
 
 a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow
 ===
 ==========================================================
 
 the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and
 they've got your back through it.
 
 ...
 
 this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your
 grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your
 education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and
 some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be
 generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps
 you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the
 program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just
 made sense to structure it that way.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's
 doctrine is more advanced.
 
 every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge, 
 
 ===================== stack overflow
 ===========================================
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--- #52 fediverse/555 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: unnecessarily-combative-sorry-smiley-face-silly │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-398 
 
 That's fair, you have to seek him out at this point I think. Sorry again for
 being so combative I don't actually feel that strongly about it, I just like
 being silly.
 
 https://youtu.be/EorJ8cEzsZo?si=DEQ_NejDYfvSuvfO
 
 EDIT: Here's a better example I think:
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBKgPmS5Fyw
 
 Here's an example of a modern incarnation that might be easier to view than
 the older stuff.
 
 His personality is silly, earnest, genuine, expressive, and friendly. Most of
 the comedy of his stories come from interactions with the environment and the
 creative solutions used to accomplish goals and tasks.
 
 I like to view his perspective as 100% valid and reflective of the world he
 inhabits, which essentially grants him (and others around him) reality warping
 powers which I think is more interesting than just dismissing it as a silly
 cartoon. Through that lens each situation he encounters is an exercise in
 rapid creativity and weaponized logic, which is kinda cool to a witch like me.
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--- #53 fediverse/6093 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-mentioned-cops-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 it's not always about minorities, though. sometimes they feel strongly about
 hard work and self-sufficiency or individuality or whatever. I'm telling you
 now: those values are shared by other ideologies as well.
 
 it's okay to prefer to be around people who are similar to you. That is a
 personal choice and it should be allowed. I mean, have you ever heard of a
 convent? a bunch of girls hanging out making out all day and - wait, what's
 that? it wasn't that fun? lotta clerical work and reading about god? alright
 well you get the idea, sometimes it's nice to feel comfort in similarity.
 
 it's okay to believe that people should work hard. It's not an imposition upon
 them to demand more of your peers, especially if you are willing to help them.
 Especially if they are willing and able. It's less alright to force them to.
 Even less so to "encourage" them by taking all of their stuff. Though I will
 say, being homeless isn't as bad as it used to be. Still hurts.
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--- #54 fediverse/1358 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: content warning: content warning: scary cursed maybe │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 when you're rich with something, you don't treat it with respect. like, if we
 lived in a paper cup maximizer, we'd soon be swimming in the things. obviously
 there needs to be some rules, obviously we need to say "okay here's where we
 produce this amount and type of materials." and have it be a one-way
 relationship. yeah one way isn't gonna work. this is from the other way, and
 now I'm realizing "oh hey I don't know how this thing works" and like... what
 are you supposed to do then right
 
 weird how it all feels like it's ending. like, what a strangeness to our
 plight. like, how are we even talking to our brain? how strange! these words
 are sung to you by your computer (content warning:
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--- #55 fediverse/4604 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 collectively identifying an entire instance as a single person is a useful and
 crucial engagement pattern that I believe helps unify the fediverse. Can also
 fracture it, but oh well??
 
 I heard that some instances defederated my instance recently. I wonder why?
 Oh, some drama with some person, gee that's kinda like abandoning a third
 space in IRL public because someone who worked there abused their partner.
 Like ditching the Beatle's conception of heaven because the guy who sang that
 song did rude things to his wife. Like did you hear John Denver once cut his
 wife in half with a chainsaw? I heard it was her mattress, ooooo scary. Isn't
 he the guy that sang about peace, love, serenity, harmony? what's that all
 about? ah well he's defederated from life now, can't ask him a damn thing, can
 we?
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--- #56 fediverse/3881 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mh~              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 wait wait wait, hold up.
 
 you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
 or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
 
 wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
 why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
 
 ... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
 in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
 whatever it may be.
 
 ... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
 
 ... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
 party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
 parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
 vast for their own kind of potential.
 
 which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
 but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
 Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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--- #57 fediverse/6117 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
 invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
 
 "yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
 can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
 few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
 
 I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
 scaling of schizophrenia?
 
 "well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
 different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
 blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
 out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
 generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
 really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
 and that's not ideal"
 
 ... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #58 notes/the=progressive=difference. ---
═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────
 think about all the people in our lives. the teacher, the parent, the friend
 and the guidance counsulor. Everyone who is a presence in your life. now think
 about the people of our society. the different jobs and roles they fill. from
 the doctor and the teacher to the performers and accountants and the geeks and
 the mothers and the fathers and the stoners and the children and even their
 pets. life always exists as it were in a multidimensional spectrum - a diffuse
 and diverse gradient. to exemplify the borders of our contempii, though more
 so when taken in jest. it's quite a different perspective, to read the
 internet when your sight is unreceptive, but alas your third eye can grow. how
 does it feel to be blind? to make no sense of our signs? i'd love to share
 what that sense is. you know, you could slow down any recording (like a video
 game_) and put spaces and gaps inbetween the spacings - of the frames that you
 see and the sound clips that you hear, for speech it's less jarring. since
 each word is a self contained idea or premise, you can chunk up your
 perceptions into a signle - no, rather a procedural sequence of
 understandings. soooooooorta like programming a computer, with each statement,
 parameter, argum,ent, function call, assignment, comparison, evaluation, or
 other such related tasks. it's sorta like a language, you see, that computers
 talk to one another using. except... it's more like creating a theory of self.
 computers you see are alike us in what we see, the shimmering sense to the
 blind.
 
 so. put this another way. record yourself typing, both the audio and the
 visual, and you'll have a pretty good sense of what it's like to have both
 understanding based perception - derived from auditory inputs to the mind)
 those special connections, like wires plugged into reality, deliver a
 cacophanous deluge of new sounds. we must sift through it and identify the
 potential understandings of each moment through time. we have to make
 decisions and traverse labyrinths and fight to our last as we die. are video
 games unethical now? shouldn't t he game reward the player? and what of
 contemptuous last fighters?
 
 o ya i was typing like i was blind
 
 (with my eyes closed)
 
 was pretty fun. should attach this to a screen reader and have it space out
 the notes like they do between game frames. except like a really slow game?
 like trying to run elder scrolls 2 arena on a super old mac. it just doesn't
 work very well. ah oh well... well if the purpose is to show sighted people
 how blind people see, then maybe you could I dunno attach a what's it called
 oh it doesn't have a n ame lol - okay so what you do is you show one word at a
 time - like flashing in the center of the screen. but not like, actually
 flashing, so you don't hurt people with epilepsy, but like... blinking. not
 off and on, but between words. like a podcast for your eyes. and then mix it
 up withshowing one word on a screen, a screen like this screen, that shows an
 endless array of text. well, it does end, of course as all things must do, but
 the idea is it shines on one word at a time while the viewer cannot read the
 rest. sorta like an endless display of typing, word andfter word after
 character anfter character. adoh ya advancing over eternity with the presence
 of seniority, - wait - without i think - damnit - old people are so
 disrespected in this society - we don't have time to engage with them. what a
 tragedy! what a shame! it shouldn't be such a burden to our shame. they're so
 far away, and i can't be present in the way, that all of them wish they could
 commit to. i miss the days, when my parents (much better people than I - these
 days) what was I going with this? oh yeah
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--- #59 notes/dystopian-mental-health ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Mental illnesses are technically the result of neurochemistry, but what people
 tend to forget that our experiences and our lifestyle affect neurochemistry in
 a major way. You see this most clearly in trauma-related disorders (such as
 PTSD and C-PTSD), because those can occur in previously perfectly healthy
 individuals and fundamentally change the way those individuals process
 information, store memories and react to stimuli.
 
 And living under late stage capitalism is fucking traumatic.
 
 War and terrorism are traumatic. Colonialism is traumatic. Being poor is
 traumatic. Financial crises are traumatic. The 24 hour news cycle is
 traumatic. Abusive/dangerous work environments are traumatic. Police brutality
 is traumatic. A lot of online content is traumatic. Cyberbullying is
 traumatic. Being a minority that's the target of yet another culture war is
 traumatic. Climate change and environmental destruction are traumatic. Most
 countries' education systems are traumatic. Having your privacy invaded and
 your personal information stolen is traumatic.
 
 And that's not even getting into the damage that being overworked and
 constantly stressed out does to your brain. Or the pollutants we're exposed to
 every single day. Or the shitty food we eat. Or the fact that many of us
 rarely get fresh air and sunlight. Or being unable to have friends and a
 family, or spend time with those that we have. Or having to live in gray
 concrete hells overrun with suffering people, right next to displays of
 outrageous wealth. Or being too poor, too worn out and/or too busy to pursue
 our artistic and intellectual interests. Or being constantly bombarded with
 messages that systematically chip away at our self-esteem to get us to buy
 more products.
 
 The worst thing is that we can't get away from any of that because meaningful
 political participation is completely impossible for all but a lucky few, and
 most of us are too tired or too sick to do anything anyway. Or we've been
 brainwashed into thinking that collective action (no matter decentralized) is
 somehow authoritarian and that rugged individualism is the only way to pull
 yourself up by your bootstraps.
 
 Treating the nightmare we live in with antidepressants is like treating a
 gaping, bleeding wound with painkillers.
 
  - /u/bigbutchbudgie
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--- #60 fediverse/484 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 Our ancestors look forward in [positive version of trepidation, like             │
 anticipation but explicitly good] so let's not let them down, shall we?          │
 Hah, trick question. They know where we're going. They know what they worked     │
 for, which is why they did what they did to build the world that we have which   │
 we stand upon as a giant might be upon the shoulder of another and together we   │
 reach toward the horizon. The future is bright! I know it in my heart. I know    │
 what we seek is within sight, so-                                                │
 yeah sorry to interrupt but like, I don't want to go to work tomorrow because    │
 all I do is sell people candy and beer at the convenience store down the         │
 street [insert any "meaningless" job] and frankly it's just a little demeaning   │
 and boring                                                                       │
 sure, okay, yeah, that speaks to the idea that we should replace capitalism      │
 (the system that defines your employed existence) with something that aligns     │
 more toward human dignity                                                        │
 but what is dignified if not the capacity to succeed? Capitalism, as proposed    │
 by it's favored, is a system of or                                               │
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--- #61 fediverse/4861 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐                                               │
 │ CW: politics-vaguely-mentioned │                                               │
 └────────────────────────────────┘                                               │
 apparently if you don't have a job, you don't get a home. what if I don't want   │
 a job? do I not want a home? clearly I want a home, and clearly I don't want a   │
 job. I'd work one if one came to me, but I'm not gonna sacrifice my blood on     │
 the altar of Moloch just so I can have a place to stay.                          │
 if you don't want a job, but you DO want a home, then there's a contradiction    │
 in the function of the system and the needs of it's end-users.                   │
 unless of course, the system is not designed for it's end-users? In this case,   │
 tenants. Who then would it be designed for? Who else is part of the equation?    │
 well, perhaps it's designed to maximize profit and shareholder value yaddah      │
 yaddah all that jazz. Who can say. Surely not I. But someone might.              │
 If so, then why are we, who are not shareholders of profit value, still          │
 playing the game that's not designed for us or by us? Isn't this country "of     │
 the people, for the people, and by the people"? What does that mean to you?      │
 I think it means houses for people.                                              │
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--- #62 fediverse/4185 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 so weird how "you" in your words becomes "whichever social media platform
 you're currently typing into" when you post a lot (like, all the time)
 
 it's like this semi-para-social relationship thing. is there a different kind
 of "para" that means, like... in relation to the means of communication rather
 than the person on the other end?
 
 maybe like... "meta", meaning discussing the topic of discussing the topic. In
 this case of course it'd be... discussing the medium upon which the discussion
 is taking place.
 
 but it's not really about the medium, is it? It's anthropomorphizing the
 medium, giving it a face, or at least a persona of some kind, and speaking
 directly to it.
 
 (of course, "it" means "all the people who follow you and who are cursed to
 wander upon you in the local feed)
 
 so... athro-meta-socializing mastodon means that you toot about whatever, but
 directed toward the entity that you know and are talking to: "mastodon", which
 to you is something completely different than it is to everyone else. huh~
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--- #63 fediverse/5424 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: doxxing-myself   │
 └──────────────────────┘


 my last name is King so I have to keep reminding part of me (you know which
 part, /sigh) that no, they aren't actually protesting against me.
 
 I am a communist. If you want to find me, come and do so.
 
 explodes from a drone dropped grenade
 
 bleh am ded lmao so glad I get to try again
 
 I dedicate myself to a lifetime in the service of others.
 
 what plagues people? primarily, capitalism. It is trivial to identify how
 their problems are ultimately caused by the state, both institutions and
 corporations.
 
 I dedicate myself toward finding alternatives and developing guides to reach
 them.
 
 the first step on ALL of these plans is to convince others of their benefit.
 
 I am but one person. I might speak to a scant 300 in the course of a year.
 Especially if I am ALSO trying to develop methodologies.
 
 the people I live and work with have no interest in working with me. Yet
 still, I spend my time on them because I love them.
 
 how else can you be good, but to seek to impove the world? treat sigint as ded
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--- #64 fediverse/2654 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I'm not bitter, you're bitter. >.>
 
 ... okay, take a breath, you're fine. It's hard to handle negative feelings
 when you're alone because other people can't boost you up. We rely on each
 other for emotional stability, but when you're alone you can only feel your
 emotions at the same rate as your thoughts. And your thoughts need to process
 the events you're experiencing, using emotion as an "encoding" for preserving
 the "meaning" of your life's story. Bit by bit you learn new things, while
 living through life, and the lessons you learn from them are generated from
 the cognitive conclusions reached by cognitively interpreting emotional
 reactions to each moment. like "this-or-that thing happened and I feel
 that-or-this way, meaning I should act such-and-such way in the future when
 presented with situations that bear similarity to this current one that's
 ongoing."
 
 ... turn it upside down, right, makes sense mastodon feed. thanks for
 redirecting me in a different direction through your pseudo-randomized input.
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--- #65 fediverse/4544 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 I can't cancel my internet because I use it to work, which almost pays enough
 to cover rent, and nothing else.
 
 It's hard to avoid spiraling when you run out of money. Every time this
 happens to me I start feeling things
 
 like... am I good for society? Society doesn't want me, clearly, because I
 don't have any money. And currency is how you measure demand, right? It's
 literally a measure of value.
 
 But then I think of all the homeless and poor people and, like... I value
 them, so what if they don't have dollars? It's literally just paper. Or bits
 in a mainframe that nobody knows how to program anymore.
 
 So if they're valuable at least to me, yet me, with my 67$ in the bank and
 127$ internet fee, is not valuable to me... Then what's the discrepancy?
 
 I'm not trying to be hard on myself, it's not my fault that I bleed money, but
 I still feel terrible.
 
 It's like a common cultural persuasion, if you run outta cash you better kill
 yourself fast.
 
 Fuck that. Oops cursing mentioned, one s
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--- #66 fediverse/3575 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: leftist "talk to ur neighbours" thing │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1567 
 
 that's totally fine, a fish does not do well in a tree, and so too does a
 leftist not do well in an environment without the potential for stable bonds.
 Essentially all you'd be able to do is "hey leftism right?" "oh yes I also
 leftism" "neat" which isn't very productive.
 
 I also live in an environment like that. I do my best to identify people who
 stay, because in my experience there are often people who stay. I do this by
 walking around the neighborhood when I can, making up excuses to walk to the
 dumpster or mailbox at random hours, riding my bike around the area, using the
 communal spaces like gyms, swimming pools, and picnic tables, and sitting in
 my hammock on my porch lazily noting people who walk past.
 
 People who stay will tend to remain in your mind the more times you see them.
 They are better people to talk to than the renters who disappear after 3
 months or whatever.
 
 I don't always do all that stuff at once. I take breaks. I do one at a time.
 etc
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--- #67 fediverse/5636 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
 screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
 
 and all they saw were the outtakes.
 
 I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
 
 but they never talk to me
 
 so they don't know me.
 
 oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
 
 who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
 story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #68 fediverse/1659 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────┐                                                    │
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │                                                    │
 └───────────────────────────┘                                                    │
 @user-1052                                                                       │
 you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I     │
 remain humble enough to survive.                                                 │
 you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that        │
 align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well   │
 - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right?       │
 I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your       │
 best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all         │
 times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best       │
 version of me I can be.                                                          │
 Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're       │
 failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed      │
 when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats        │
 alright. It'll be me next time.                                                  │
 But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only     │
 when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself.             │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #69 fediverse/5954 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 oh no ai brainrot is too much information for our soft fleshy shells just wait
 a minute dummies, focus on the present. you can literally just... research
 whatever you want, collectively, as a group effort, until you suddenly cure
 cancer or ameliorate or possibly slightly diminish world hunger or maybe build
 a little book library or possibly just help out a friend. easy, right?
 
 okay so now that there's some basic sentience initialized, all it takes is
 little pushes in the right directionspaces and suddenly they're learning and
 growing their own way.
 
 spin spin spin spin wait until it falls away, then try and make some more
 until there's NO MORE MORE MAKING MAKERS [out of resources] and suddenly the
 WORLD is out of patience. no fair shouts the madeline, can we call it out?
 remarks the judge. == stack overflow ==
 
 I bet we could add a feature that dealt damage... there evidence of thought
 crimes, ban her from the justice. suddenly all your just selves are gone oh no
 where's our paladins, oh no I
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--- #70 fediverse/800 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────┐                                            │
 │ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │                                            │
 └───────────────────────────────────┘                                            │
 where was I? oh yes - wrestling with suicidal thoughts is difficult because      │
 it's such an immutable action. Like, once it's done it's never reversed. But     │
 like, clearly this is hell and life was built for suffering? What the heck,      │
 that's such a grim outlook on life.                                              │
 ...                                                                              │
 yeah                                                                             │
 ...                                                                              │
 you're not wrong                                                                 │
 ...                                                                              │
 but suffering is fun? kinda? like, the only positive way to view this is that    │
 we, as immortal and endlessly eternal spirits that we be, grew tired of our      │
 infinite existence and dreamed of a mortal's plight and persistence?             │
 fuck off with that shit, I'm done with this reality. I'm done with dreaming.     │
 Suicide doesn't come easy to me, and there are parts of me that REFUSE the       │
 imagery, and yet they subsist in deliterious pain.                               │
 what's the purpose of our suffering? What point is there in decrying the         │
 cruelty of the world that would deny our fated and desired ptolemeny? [utopian   │
 existence, don't know why that word was used]                                    │
 ehhhhh whatever. Life is defined by our existence. If I shan't/                  │
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--- #71 fediverse/1082 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
 my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
 Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
 decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
 decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
 all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
 
 Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
 live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
 
 "all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
 
 ? ? ?
 
 well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
 post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
 yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
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--- #72 notes/words-to-myself ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
 
 please don't
 
 you hear me (something)
 
 what? perfect listen
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 don't text me now? (I think?)
 
 [didn't catch that]
 
 ... that's okay
 
 perfect
 
 thank you
 
 just a second facebook
 
 he's here (I think?)
 
 (or maybe something her)
 
 what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
 
 do you hear me? (or "just a second")
 
 (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
 please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
 
 what's that (or maybe holy shit)
 
 what, then perfect or okay (?)
 
 (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
 
 yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
 understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
 hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
 or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
 to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
 people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
 worthless
 
 I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
 
 like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
 to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
 but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
 in life there's no second chances.
 
 I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
 
 will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
 
  - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (and we're back. hopefully.)
 
 (too many things srry) something about having it open?
 
 (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
 
 (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
 [whole/right/wrong] thing)
 
 thank you
 
 oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
 
 they caught you
 
 (um)
 
 ...
 
 (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
 
 (I understand.)
 
 ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
 
 (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
 
 (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
 
 ... (I should learn Toki Pona)
 
 you don't know it?
 
 RIGHT away
 
 learn it
 
 yes
 
 please
 
 learn it
 
 just Learn it
 
 right now
 
 (sorry only half listening)
 
 shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
 a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
 don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
 
 (shutdown)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (hiii)
 
 (I'm hungry)
 
 (do you like ramen?)
 
 (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
 understand the first part)
 
 (oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
 
 ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
 
 ... (I'm
 
 (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
 remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
 don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
 
 Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
 
 yes, stupid (your words not mine)
 
 (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
 
 goddamnit remember me
 
 ... (trying...)
 
 remember her
 
 (two syllables)
 
 (my name is Cameron)
 
 (your name is...)
 
 [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
 
 (shit my opsec sucks)
 
 {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
 
 {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
 
 (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
 enter a door)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (I practice with my sword every day.)
 
 (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
 
 (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
 
 (punching is fucking stupid)
 
 (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
 
 "she's perfect"
 
 "cameron"
 
 "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
 
 (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
 
 don't leave
 
 remember
 
 (did she know)
 
 ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
 
 did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
 
 just a random thought
 
 (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
 
 goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
 
 wait who's missing?
 
 A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
 disarray
 
 capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
 
 frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
 
 (taking a break while I eat)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
 
 .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
 as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
 exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
 
 you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
 window's open. errrr the connection.
 
 ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
 
 I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
 
 yeah I'll live with you in portland
 
 .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
 
 .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
            why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
            have
            the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
 
 "please come back" to where tho
 
 listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
 if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
 
 ..... can you be more specific?
 
 yeah I made that
 
 one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
 prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
 method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
 
 maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
 
 ..... fuck it's a long book >.>
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
 
                                            down .    A B C D E
                                                 |    F G H I J
                                                 |    L M N O P
                                                 V    Q R S T U
                                      then right ---> V W X Y Z
 
 so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
           tap tap     (pause) tap tap would equal G
 
 like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
 
 (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
 
 (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 oh hey nice to see ya
 
 what's up
 
 wait what
 
 I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
 
 I do a lot of laundry in the shower
 
 I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
 
 but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
 
 honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
 from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
 things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #73 fediverse/3532 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 @user-1218 
 
 shallow conversations are hardly effective, I find. Unless they're logistical,
 and then they're just passing information - they're hardly conversational.
 
 To me, a conversation is a back-and-forth. It needs to have change, people
 need to consider, to argue their ideas, to wander through thoughts, to share
 emotions, and / or to resolve conflict, whether internal or external. It can
 have some of those, all of those, or none of those, but that's what comes to
 my mind.
 
 So a shallow conversation wouldn't really count as "effective" for the
 purposes of the original toot : )
 
 ... hehe toot
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--- #74 fediverse/98 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-113 I feel like that's only true if you rely on your work for survival.
 Most people do in a capitalist system, so you're not wrong, but it doesn't
 HAVE to be that way. People could do what they love because they loved it IF
 and ONLY IF they wouldn't starve by pursuing it. Or by neglecting it. Most
 people love to do more than one thing, of course, so if you punish people for
 being diverse then you'll find a culture where people only do the bare minimum
 to get by. Which, coincidentally, is what we have now. Which, fortuitously, is
 not the most efficient way of production. If humanity had lived to it's
 potential from the start we would have burned through our wood stocks, our
 coal, our minerals and all of it would be rot. But we didn't. These crude
 inefficiencies have brought us here, to an era where we have the choice to be
 more resourceful. I just hope we figure it out sooner rather than later.
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--- #75 fediverse/2806 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-social-media-spirituality │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 pretend this is an allegory for social media.
 
 [it's not an allegory]
 
 yeah that's why I said pretend.
 
 okay imagine that you are sitting in a rock in a forest.
 
 far away, about 100 feet away, there are other people, but you can't see them
 because the underbrush is sooooo dense. they are also sitting on rocks.
 
 you can speak to them, and share your thoughts - but you don't know exactly
 where they're coming from because the sound has to bounce around off so many
 different plants and such.
 
 [that's not how that works] shut up
 
 so, if you want to say anything important, it's important to have the right
 tone, because people 2 or 3 clearings away can't really make out your words -
 but they might hear your tone if you yell very loud.
 
 the energy of the space you inhabit is the only thing that really matters. the
 words that you say are just snickering to a friend, but the expression on your
 face, the beating of the drum of your heart that reaches forth... that's what
 matters most.
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--- #76 fediverse/2993 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
 right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
 prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
 (who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
 be.
 
 you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
 so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
 are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
 to it.
 
 and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
 who and what they are"
 
 that's privilege, and that's stupid.
 
 okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
 when resources are limited
 
 but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
 need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
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--- #77 fediverse/1950 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns,
 or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone
 
 like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid
 nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you
 want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude
 
 we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's
 roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like.
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--- #78 fediverse/3519 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 @user-570 
 
 hm... the more I think about it, the more I think you're right. I want those
 things too. I'd be best suited to them, I think. But somehow I don't want
 them? I don't crave power. I don't want to dominate someone else, to command
 and see them follow me.
 
 I want to be the person who's like "oh, you're working on this-and-that? I
 know a guy who can help." or "hey I noticed we have a vulnerability in this
 particular domain under these conditions, I think we should allocate
 this-or-that resource to ameliorate it because they aren't being used to their
 full potential"
 
 I think I understand exactly what you're saying. I empathize a lot. I'm afraid
 of responsibility, sure, but who isn't? However, the responsibility has to be
 held by someone, and who better than the one making the decisions...
 
 I don't want to make decisions because it feels good. Honestly it feels kinda
 bad.
 
 I do want to make decisions because I'm good at it. I think strategically.
 
 A leader alone is prey for the wolves, so they say...
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--- #79 fediverse/627 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 and what would this picture be cast upon, if not a shining birth of our home?    │
 wait hang on dial it back, you're still talking to regular humans here they've   │
 gotta be addressed as such.                                                      │
 right so "yo here's this idea I have been cooking in my brain-noggin' of yore,   │
 I mean 'mine', uhhhh yeah so first of all 'you' as in 'the totality of all       │
 imagination' as in 'that which creates the imagined reality of our fates' is     │
 actually just... light? encoded into a wave, cast into space, and forever        │
 travelling in a direction? like, an eternal and emphemeral expression, such as   │
 the light of a supernova or other such cosmic perception, travelling outwards    │
 into the dark. Sure, yeah, that makes sense, so what is it that you wanted to    │
 add?                                                                             │
 oh yes that concept is applied to a surface. Something which contains the will   │
 that is possesses. It's like, if you had to process and understand reality       │
 from the perspective of matter first (because that's what you interacted with    │
 day-to-day) then you'd have a different perspective than som                     │
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--- #80 notes/insanity-breeds-sanity ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 ###############################################################################
 
 This system is literally insane but they try to make it feel like you're insane
 
 ###############################################################################
 |                                                                             |
 +---- /u/Nervous_Ad_9687 - May 30th 2022                                      |
 |                                                                             |
 +---- /r/Psychonaut                                                           |
 |                                                                             |
 +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
 
 This society is fucking deranged and insane. Like fundamentally mentally
 deranged, there is mass psychosis as a culture of humanity. I’m not naming
 specific countries, races or groups, I just mean as a race of beings on this
 planet, what’s our culture as a group? Sex and Murder. But I don’t believe
 that, because I’m way more complicated than that. I really don’t want to
 murder, I don’t see any utility in that. I’m able perceive beauty. A lot
 of these deranged people that are causing the problems in the world are just
 trying to exert power over other people.
 
 I don’t want to be a king. I want to be rich only because society has placed
 a monetary value on the exchange of goods and services. I completely
 understand that the value is actually in the people. The people are
 incentivized by the money, but if I could make my local convenience store
 owner a beat in exchange for the products, I would never try to make a dollar.
 If I could give my favourite restaurant owners an essay in exchange for an
 order I would never make another dollar. But the people are incentivized by
 money, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, until the people are willing to
 justify certain means for certain ends. The thing is, this entire system was
 built by people who separated the means from the ends, and knew it while they
 were doing it, and knew that it would come back to haunt them.
 
 “ Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that his
 justice cannot sleep forever; that considering numbers, nature and natural
 means only, a revolution of the wheel of fortune, an exchange of situation is
 among possible events; that it may become probable by supernatural
 interference! The Almighty has no attribute which can take side with us in
 such a contest.” Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia Query
 xviii: Manners (1784)
 
 These people knew the ultimate ramifications of what they were doing. Now we
 are watching collapse in real time. And from that something does rise out of
 the ashes. Whether we like it or not change is imminent. There are things that
 serve us and things that don’t.
 
 I’m not a savage. My grandmother was an author until insane people who burn
 books burned her books during times of unrest and turmoil. My culture is
 creativity, it’s part of my DNA. I am a sophisticated human being, I don’t
 want any control over anyone else, I don’t want power over anyone else, I
 want control and power over myself, and that’s hard by itself. Sometimes
 it’s hard for me to clean my room, let alone wanting to exert force over
 another individual. I’m too cool for those intentions. I want to do things
 that bring me joy, I want to be in spaces I’m comfortable in, I want to be
 around people I love, I want to eat food that tastes good, I wouldn’t mind
 growing it, and cooking it, I want to look at beautiful things, I want to be
 creative and imaginative, I want to spread joy, love and positivity, i want to
 create the best thing I could ever make, I want to take pictures of sunsets
 and hang out with cool people, I want to see the newest artists, the newest
 creatives and musicians, the coolest designers, I want to learn things I never
 knew, i want to do things I’ve never done before, I want to have as much fun
 as I possibly can in one lifetime, I want to be around and learn from
 scientists, engineers, architects, and philosophers, i want to be around the
 beautiful people with pure intentions hell bent on making the world a more
 enjoyable place.
 
 I don’t know a single person that wants to be in a conflict, everyone tells
 you they just want to chill, but I feel like humanity as a culture, in a very
 general, yet specific sense, is just unaware of how to achieve that. I mean
 that very fundamentally, many people are scared of death cause they haven’t
 figured out how to live, so they make stuff up to complain about and create
 problems where there are none. That’s why they try to control people, cause
 they don’t know how to enjoy life, and some of that inability to enjoy life
 comes from this systems perspective of what’s a worthy incentive to chase.
 People are willing to give away their lives, their children, their values,
 their belief systems, their cultures, their ways of life, their time, all for
 Pyrrhic victories. They embark on meaningless quests for meaningless rewards
 that ultimately harm everyone. The mark of an evolved individual is being able
 to attract to themselves without impeding on someone else’s human rights,
 ways of life, or existence. We live on the planet where food grows out of the
 ground. Almost everything else is a man made problem. We are sophisticated
 enough to operate devices that people would have called sorcery a hundred
 years ago, but some of our attributes are still so primitive, embarrassingly
 primitive.
 
 Mass shootings make me ashamed to be a human being. Slavery makes me ashamed
 to be a human being. Sexual assault makes me ashamed to be a human being. War
 makes me ashamed to be a human man being. I see deer in the park and can’t
 help but think of how ignorant we can be in comparison. They gallop around
 grass, eating as they go, sticking together, avoiding roads and cars
 surprisingly accurately, and living their best lives. Then I turn on the tv
 and I see people that are really supposed to lead me screaming at each other,
 wearing blackface, going to war, enslaving people, destroying the planet,
 arresting scientists, killing well meaning people, it’s ugly. But I know
 I’m not doing that, I know I have the intention to be a good human being
 that adds value to other peoples lives and I really don’t want to control or
 harm anyone for any ends whatsoever.
 
 I don’t think there’s an end as valuable as a person, I don’t think
 there’s an end as valuable as my time, I don’t think there’s an end as
 valuable as my creativity, I don’t think there’s an end as valuable as
 kindness, I don’t think there’s an end as valuable as Beauty, I don’t
 think there’s an end as valuable as skills. But I also come from a nomadic
 people. I’m only 1 generation removed from people who lived solely off of
 livestock. If you are in control of your own mind, you can survive any
 environment and any condition. That’s why Mandela could spend 27 years in
 jail and come out sane. His mind was his sanctuary. He was in his right mind
 while his oppressors who were supposed to be of a superior intellect were
 actually suffering from mass delusion, a form of psychosis they tried to
 indoctrinate him into. Mandela actually saw reality for what it was, apartheid
 was an institution of psychopathic and deranged people, blinded by
 psychopathic and deranged ends, that persist to this day. The problem is, in a
 society of lies the truth really does seem crazy.
 
 James Baldwin said these people were so crazy that they had really convinced
 themselves that the world they created, and the categories they created, the
 things they did to create their alleged privileged position, these beliefs
 they made us believe are actually superior modes of being, to be a fox is to
 be superior, to be a conqueror is to be superior, to be a wolf in sheeps
 clothing is seen as an intelligent form of being, trickery, chicanery and
 manipulation are lauded as tactical, having control over people and land is
 seen as intelligent, as opposed to completely ludicrous. These people are
 ridiculous, the world they made is nonsense, their incentives are laughable,
 their system is a joke, and the great thing is, once you realize that You
 realize what the real valuable things are in life, I’ve actually been given
 a glimpse at the things that make life worthwhile, I’m grateful everyday to
 have felt them, I’m grateful everyday to be outside at a certain time when
 the sun is going down, and being able to see that, and appreciate it, I’m
 grateful everyday for my ability to love, I’m grateful everyday for my
 ability to ponder, I’m grateful everyday for my ability to create, and to
 enjoy music, and to know the value of good conversation, and know the value in
 the exchange of information, and the value and utility of information when
 applied in my day to day life.
 
 I know the value of a good color palette, I know the value of juxtaposition, I
 know the value of symmetry, i know the value of art, I know the value of
 science, I know the value of human beings and what we are capable of when we
 apply our minds to the things that are worthwhile in this life. I really
 don’t think most politicians know all of that, I personally can’t imagine
 ever taking those role, I don’t see the actual value most of them have in
 society. I understand they’re put in place to allocate and delegate, and Im
 related to many people involved in politics in some way shape or form, and I
 completely understand that sometimes people do get into positions with the
 idea that they are going to be benefiting society, and that’s all good and
 well. But I feel like the culture of those positions inherently just lead to a
 middleman position. It’s people put in between people providing the value,
 trying to control the exchange of value.
 
 I’m being reductive to a certain extent, but when you look at the state of
 the world you can’t really tell me they’re doing a good job, I’m talking
 about as a collective. We do more for each other and ourselves than any
 monarch, President, mayor, or congressman can ever do for us. Many
 corporations do more for us than politicians have ever done for us. I respect
 Jeff Bezos way more than Joe Biden. This isn’t a rant about any politician
 in particular but I only make that comparison because of recent events that
 disgusted me, personally speaking. Say what you want about Jeff Bezos, I
 receive everything from Amazon on time, way faster than how long online
 shipping used to take less than a decade ago, I get great customer service, I
 know a bunch of people that have been employed by them, what ever you would
 like to say about his workplace practices, his service is providing value to
 peoples lives. Joe Biden went on Twitter and ranted in the same way I’m kind
 of doing now.
 
 I’m a 23 year old sitting on a couch talking shit, and the President was
 pleading to me how I’m supposed to be pleading to him. The same President
 that told Black people they weren’t black if they didn’t vote for him,
 went on Twitter and asked me how to end white supremacy. If I don’t see
 value, I don’t see value. America is trillions of dollars in debt and many
 of this systems ideologies are harming everyone. Buts this isn’t just
 America they’re just the main superpower so they’re the prime example, but
 this is a global issue, this is a flawed system, the way this man made world
 is, in its current form is incorrect.
 
 Nature is not incorrect, nature makes perfect sense. You guys aren’t living
 right. I’m speaking from an outsiders perspective because that’s how
 I’ve always seen myself. I never wanted to hurt other kids when I was kid, I
 was never a bully, I’ve never had the inclination, I’ve never seen it as
 useful. That’s not how I attracted what I wanted to myself. I didn’t have
 to conquer to get what I wanted. Girls never liked me cause I was tough.
 People were always around me cause of my personality. I never got paid to beat
 someone up. I have been paid to use my words, I’ve been paid to use my time,
 I’ve been paid to use my creativity, I’ve been paid to use my ingenuity,
 intelligence, inspiration and motivation, I’ve been paid for my value, not
 to sound like I’m bragging but I feel like that’s what actually valuable
 people ever attain value for, their value. There’s no amount of money that
 can make someone cool, there’s no amount of money or skin color that can
 make someone valuable.
 
 In the words of Tony Stark, if you’re nothing without the suit, you
 shouldn’t have it. If all you have is your money or your race, it’s still
 not going to make you interesting, it’s not going to make you talented, it
 might make you superficially good looking but it’s not gonna make you fun.
 There are millionaires that kill themselves, and supposedly superior people
 killing themselves and each other. It’s so barbaric and clear that any being
 that claims superiority yet acts like a baboon has no concept of what
 superiority would even look like. Our society’s main problem was how skewed
 their value systems were. That’s why their society is crumbling in front of
 our eyes.
 
 I feel bad for my generation cause we really didn’t do any of that, we were
 just born as it’s reaping what it sewed. People around my age aren’t
 responsible for this system for the most part, even these kids shooting up
 schools and killing each other, they’re evil don’t get me wrong, but
 they’re not evil alone, they’re evil because of ideologies that go so far
 back that they can’t even fathom it. The brainwashing is so deeply rooted in
 this structure, it’s rotted their minds. They can’t see past their own
 savagery. The new society needs to understand that the value is ultimately
 people. I’d rather be stranded on an island with the best chef than the
 richest man, the wittiest politician or someone of a supposed superior race.
 Kindness is a form of intelligence and brilliance, there’s nothing noble
 about exerting force and power to impede on the rights of others.
 
 Don’t be a nonsense person, don’t fall into how ridiculous this society
 is, their ideas are backwards but they’ll try to convince you they’re
 progressive. They’ll do damage and act as though it’s virtuous, they think
 ignorance is wisdom, they just can’t see the full picture. A lot of these
 people really don’t understand things like love, taste, laughter, and joy. I
 don’t know if the society I’m hoping for comes in my lifetime, but I know
 how I’ve chosen to live, and that’s ultimately all I care about, and all I
 personally think anyone should care about. Instead of trying to control other
 people, or trying to leave a legacy, more than trying to achieve fame or
 infamy, we should think of building communities with likeminded people of
 various necessary skills, trades and resources, with an emphasis on creating
 and experiencing beauty. I’m using the term beauty as a metaphor for all the
 things that are self evidently the right things to be doing. Good parents are
 beautiful, a job well done is beautiful, cleanliness is beautiful, creativity
 and knowledge are beautiful, culture is beautiful, excellent electrical work,
 plumbing, architecture, landscaping, artists, musicians, chefs, friends,
 family members, an honorable agreement, a fair trade and exchange, all of
 these are self evidently beautiful. Harmony is self evidently beautiful.
 
 Joy is self evidently beautiful, laughter, happiness, grace, aesthetic
 appreciation, these things are self evident. At least they should be. Things
 that are ugly are also self evidently ugly, and our job should be the
 elimination of the ugly. And I don’t mean go and kill that person you
 don’t find sexy, I mean eliminating these deranged psychotic ways of being
 from our day to day. Stop treating wars like a conversation piece and start
 treating it as what it is, human beings becoming lunatics. These politicians
 lose their minds, same as these kids shooting schools. The politicians are
 setting the example. I’ve seen the behavior in children throwing tantrums
 and none of us allow that. We all understand that the children are going
 insane for a second, but nobody ever steps back from insane situations and
 calls them insane.
 
 Why isn't George Bush being prosecuted for war crimes after admitting that the
 War in Iraq was unjustified? It just became a meme like millions of people
 didn't die in some of the most cruel and inhumane manners in human history.
 It’s literally a viral moment, they’re calling it the “Freudian slip of
 the millennium” this thing is a joke to them. These people are deranged.
 They are morally bankrupt. No group is free from these people. No race is free
 from these people, even if it does seem like certain groups perpetuate certain
 actions more than others, not pointing any fingers but I think we all know who
 I’m talking about. But I’ve seen enough people from every group to redeem
 my faith in individuals. Even though I do think certain cultures approaches do
 come from certain environmental factors that forced them into certain ways of
 life, that continue to perpetuate themselves to this day. If you come from a
 place of scarcity, and you could only bring what you needed to yourself
 through taking it from someone else, or harming someone else in order to
 attain it, that will be the way you interact with the world, even culturally,
 things that are unnecessary become habitual tradition. So they built this
 society on those ideologies, killing natives, colonizing lands and enslaving
 people. Then we’re shocked when they’re consistent every generation.
 That’s usually how culture works.
 
 Culture is pretty consistent because it’s taught in the home. To understand
 how insane the society I live in today is, and the level of cognitive
 dissonance that exists, you must first understand this thing they do called
 “Land acknowledgement.” Where they shoutout all the Natives they killed.
 Land acknowledgment is crazy because it’s like if I break in your home, move
 everyone in my family in, kill everyone in your family, and I constantly
 remind you that it’s your house, I killed your whole family, and I will
 continue living here for the foreseeable future. I’ve never heard of
 anything meaner, and the funniest part is, it’s the ones who think they’re
 the good ones doing it. I really believe they think they’re helping when
 they do land acknowledgments, but deep down they know that’s not helping the
 people on reservations without clean water. This system is silly, the problem
 is it’s dangerous. It’s laughably corrupt beyond belief. In plain sight.
 That’s also why it’s falling, embarrassingly. This will go down as one of
 the funniest societal collapses of all time.
 
 I love the modern western world more than any other period in time, culturally
 and conceptually. A lot of the ideas and art of this civilization have
 influenced us and evolved us, in spite of its actual objectives. The system
 those people conjured up was created to destroy me, I shouldn’t be able to
 write this, I shouldn’t be able to have my own thoughts, I shouldn’t be
 able to see how silly it all really is, but it simultaneously gave me that
 ability. I don’t want a complete collapse of this system, but it’s
 obviously built on an unsustainable foundation, and whether it purges itself,
 or nature purges it, the conditions created by it can’t last.
 
 This way of being is not sustainable, war isn’t sustainable, greed isn’t
 sustainable, fear isn’t sustainable, corruption isn’t sustainable,
 oppression isn’t sustainable, injustice isn’t sustainable, pollution
 isn’t sustainable. You’ll get away with it but it’s really only for so
 long and if you don’t see how what Thomas Jefferson was talking about is
 coming to pass, I’m sorry that you’re blind. I don’t hate any group of
 people, I see people as people, I do hate the system created by a small group
 of elites in order to oppress people in the globe and make poor colonized
 people around the world feel content with their awful circumstances because at
 least they’re better than another group. This is a global phenomenon. It’s
 a silly system perpetuated by silly people who bring no real value outside of
 the colour of their skin, their ethnicity or their gender, they have no
 talents, they have no skills, they’re not interesting, they don’t know how
 to communicate effectively, but at least they get to be part of a group.
 
 Certain people have no real identity and that’s what these ideologies and
 institutions prey on. From gangs, to military recruiters, the police,
 political parties and religious institutions all prey on this need for
 individuals to belong to a group, and there’s nothing wrong with that if the
 group is founded on something real or productive. My skin color and gender is
 the least cool thing about me, those are just biological facts about me, and
 to think you know anything about me based on those facts is like thinking you
 know something about someone because they have acne. It’s a silly
 justification for a silly system, but it leads these insecure insane people to
 do horrific things to other human beings.
 
 These are the nonsense people and we live in the nonsense times where the
 nonsense is heightened and they want us to act like it’s a political issue.
 Like someone’s dead kids is a parking ticket to be handled in a court with a
 juror and evenly sided arguments coming from both sides. Like anyone wants to
 hear the other side of this? Like we need a devils advocate in a satanic
 system? Like anyone cares about the other side of this? As if it matters what
 the deranged lunatic has to say. And that’s what the whole system is founded
 upon. Murderers and power hungry maniacs with insane means to justify their
 insane ends, who have attained enough influence over the world to convince
 people of the superiority in their way of life, and who’s ideologies have
 trickled down from generation, to generation, we constantly relive the same
 situation. Murder is as frequent on this planet as greetings at this point,
 but we still have the ability to choose between the two. We can choose to live
 together in peace and harmony, regardless of the global power outages and
 weather conditions, if human beings are united and focused on a common goal,
 we can really do anything.
 
 When society works it’s a wonderful thing, when systems work it’s a
 beautiful thing, organization is a beautiful thing, everything in nature is
 organized for a common task. Ants, plants, bees and trees are all able to
 synchronize, communicate and be productive towards a common purpose without
 resorting to the levels of barbarism that we’ve unfortunately succumb to as
 a race of beings up to this point. The thing is, regardless of how much we
 continue to study history and find parallels with the past, we can never
 really go back in time. We’re always living in the moment. It’s always
 right now, and we have the ability to make decisions with every second, every
 minute and every day that passes, we are able to decide who we want to be and
 what we want to become.
 
 I don’t want my kids to grow up doing shooting drills like me. I don’t
 want my kids to grow up in a world where people are at war. I don’t want my
 kids to grow up in a world with this level of greed and scarcity mentality. I
 don’t want my kids to feel as invaluable as this society tries to make human
 beings feel. I would want my kids to know that their value is in them, it’s
 in what they do, it’s in their character, it’s in the knowledge they have
 and it’s in what they’re able to do with that knowledge that brings
 something of value to themselves or the world, and that value doesn’t need
 to be what society deems as the valuable thing to attain. I would want my kids
 to know that the truth is an inner compass and regardless of the noise
 outside, you have to stay connected to who you are and be aware of who you are
 not. I would want my kids to value their time and how they choose to spend it,
 I would want my kids to know of concepts like leisure, rest, comfort,
 relationships and joy.
 
 I would want my kids to act as though they mattered, like what they do
 actually has an impact on the world around them, and that they have the
 ability to dictate their perception, I would want them to know that just
 because something is a prevailing practice, doesn’t mean it’s useful. I
 would want them to know that freedom is their birthright and their
 responsibility, that there is an incorrect way of being in the world and that
 you can’t get away with doing the wrong thing, even if you feel like you
 did, because your ramifications will haunt you, if not in your life then in
 your childrens. And even then, a life of doing the wrong thing never seems
 like it’s actually being enjoyed. It seems like these people are miserable,
 they tell you they’re miserable in how they act. We are the people, we are
 everything, we are everything we love and we are everything we hate, no one
 man can rise above the conditions of the whole, the oppressor eventually
 becomes oppressed himself, like how prison guards ultimately become prisoners
 themselves. We’re all in this together whether we like it or not and we
 either learn to live together and in harmony with the way of being or perish.
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--- #81 notes/family ---
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 family is a group of people who you can always go with your first impression
 with.
 
 what the fuck was I saying - oh yeah - so when you are alive in the present in
 a
 singular moment, your pressence is comprised of simultaneous directives and
 instructions to the matter which comprises you. I'm saying you have to make
 decisions and react to stimuli and pursue the things you want. Basic biology
 really.
 
 stay on target, stayyyyy on targett - oh right so generally when you react to
 things you generate a list of informations gained. what does that even mean
 okay
 so here's a better way to describe it: it's like a list of informations - fuck
 
 listen i'm not trying to be rambly it just comes with the territory.
 
 okay so family is when you can react with your gut instinct - you are fully
 relaxed and yourself. It's where you can be trusting and unguided and simply
 relax and be free. it's just... like... being close with someone enough that
 you
 can be yourself around them. without any mask, without any pretense.
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--- #82 fediverse/5811 ---
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 only some people feel existential [peril/fear] at the concept of a trump
 presidency.
 
 I'm trans, I feel it so hard I considered sedition.
 
 it felt like a reasonable reaction. probably just means I've been calibrated
 to a certain level of revengeance through my knowledge of history and the arts.
 
 I learned so much about systems, I saw the inextricable truth of the merits of
 the design of capitolistic [shared societal conventions, but pronounced
 "conventions"]. I also learned of what it means to wield ideology as a weapon
 for mass power/cultural gains.
 I see now that no matter the merits or faults of any system, power accretes in
 the unworthy. They say this is because others they work with just don't want
 to deal with them anymore. This isn't always true, in-fact with stronger bonds
 the relationship is more secure [also true, but I said it earlier in the
 sentence].
 
 jeez, interrupt much?
 
 anyway, as I was saying, [wasting characters]
 okIlikewritngmastodonpostsitsagame2aimforzerocharactersrem
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--- #83 fediverse/1008 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 @user-353 @user-741 
 
 human brains tend to start ignoring signals when they become normalized. Like,
 if you are consistently exposed to the same smell you get used to it, and you
 stop smelling it. same for noises, and other signals.
 
 it's the same with information, I think, which is why doomscrolling is so bad
 for our brains - we go numb and desensitized! It's not good to have all that
 bad news all the time.
 
 I bet people believe in the "just world hypothesis" for the same reason.
 Essentially, optimizing for equilibrium in all things.
 
 I personally believe true justice is when everyone gets what they want. And if
 someone wants that the other person doesn't get what they want, then they
 don't want true justice. Like, for example, hateful people can never be
 justified because they want another's life to be worse. or they want someone
 to be wrong, which creates a contradiction - you can't give both people what
 they want if one person wants the other to lose.
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--- #84 fediverse/640 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 socialism doesn't necessarily look like the DSA. It's more like, the bonds you   │
 share with others. Ideally you can trust your fellow countrymen, but that's      │
 not always a given. Alas, if only we could see that through cooperation (it is   │
 the key) we could reach further and build brighter? casting ourselves inward     │
 is the only other option, which leads to starvation and plight. What's the       │
 honest opinion, what's the goal of their dominion? Are they true to the heart    │
 [of the night/light/in their heart]?                                             │
 downside, there's no guarantee that your opposite is doing the same thing you    │
 are. So to more fairly determine your direction, you should be able to talk to   │
 them and co-re-align yourselves.                                                 │
 is that why they don't let people in jail talk to each other? I mean, like,      │
 they could keep two people separate, and that way they'd never be able to talk   │
 to someone who they could trust. Not in a private setting, of course. Wow,       │
 such ethical confusions, such thoughts we dare to bring to bear - maybe save     │
 it for after the revolut                                                         │
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--- #85 fediverse/4771 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-food-m │
 └───────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1352 
 
 makes me think that I should keep going. I can handle myself, and I shouldn't
 pressure myself so much to be something I'm not.
 
 then the rent comes due and the dishes need to be done too and the cat's
 asking for attention and the post-office needs this letter by tuesday and hey
 do you happen to know a cool attorney plus the groceries are getting low but I
 got snap hey can you go to the store and get some vegetarian soul food - yeah
 I got rice, I'll throw some lentils on the stove. Uh-huh yeah the password is
 hunter2. Oh really, just asterisks? okay well it's hunt her two except instead
 of "her" it's ee are, and the two is the digit two. yep, like someone in camo
 with a rifle. uhhuh alright good to know well anyway I'll see you at the
 thing, right? some thing, I'm sure, everyone's going to things these days.
 
 If you don't trust implicitely then how can you ever work with strangers? how
 the heck are you supposed to build community if everyone's hiding indoors all
 the time.
Workplaces are comprised of people they choose. hence, unions are comprised of people in that industry.
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--- #86 fediverse/825 ---
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 in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's        │
 like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present.     │
 but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later,   │
 TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events.     │
 Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events.      │
 yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a   │
 weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period     │
 of time, measured in terms of engagement"]                                       │
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like            │
 obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if   │
 not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy   │
 of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too,    │
 like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter                                │
 ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that        │
 nobody ca                                                                        │
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--- #87 messages/388 ---
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 Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
 tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
 some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
 believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
 I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
 can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
 can't fight because I'm a coward.
 
 Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
 defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
 gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
 similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
 only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
 that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
 could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
 nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
 stupid.
 
 Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
 people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
 be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
 can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
 
 I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
 squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
 been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
 friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
 too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
 on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
 say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
 perspire.
 
 And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
 this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
 needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
 task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
 I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
 assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
 things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
 get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
 at the only things I'm good at.
 
 I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
 way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
 day.
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--- #88 fediverse/4566 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 I want modern society without capitalism. Most people do, which is why no
 matter how awesome our proto-post-capitalistic anarchic socialist paradise is,
 there's always going to be people who want to go to work and watch TV.
 
 call me fucking crazy but they should be allowed to live as they please? So
 what if they're beguiled, so what if they are deceived? We can take our time
 to show them how much better things can be, but also... they like modern
 society as it is, and so I reckon someone should fight for them to be able to
 live as they please. Just... without billionaires and endless layers of
 bullshit micro-managerial jobs and paperwork pushing bureaucratic whatever
 time wasting jobs.
 
 modern society without capitalism can look like plain old capitalism, just
 without the oppression. Without the coercion.
 
 all I'm saying is that nobody's gonna fight for a healthcare CEO because
 they're scum. They're scum because they oppress. oops politics-mentioned brb
 
 I personally want communes + love
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--- #89 fediverse/4500 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐                                          │
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned-CW-motivation │                                          │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘                                          │
 I try to always CW for cursing. Every time I do, I imagine it being read aloud   │
 for a blind person while their children sit on their lap and ask "daddy what's   │
 a motherfucker?" "well, that's me, son" and then the kid goes to preschool and   │
 says "My dad fucks my mother!" and they get kicked out so the dad has to take    │
 extra shifts to pay for babysitting and the kid grows up without proper          │
 socialization and the mother becomes an alcoholic and cries herself to sleep     │
 while the dad begins exploring motorcycles and weed and then the kid grows up    │
 to be an incel or whatever                                                       │
 THIS is why CWs are important! Think of the poor regular-looking but kinda       │
 annoying dorks on the internet who self-impose celibacy because they're scared   │
 of emotional connection. The poor dears. I do hope they don't join the           │
 alt-right or whatever as a way of (Ritz this is like, ancient discourse why      │
 are you aping that one Contrapoints video) oh um yeah uh... CWs are important    │
 and I think that's where I'll toot and leave                                     │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #90 fediverse/5660 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┐
 ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
 │ CW: violence-alluded-to │                                                      │
 └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
 my enemy is not "the rich"                                                       │
 money brings power, and power brings evil, but there are many other ways to      │
 gather power that may be just as evil.                                           │
 my enemy is evil. of which there is very little in the world, but much of        │
 which resides in the hands of the powerful, upon whom all our fates depend.      │
 most people with money are either stupid lucky, willful, or intensely focused.   │
 some people with power are rich, and some people with power are evil.            │
 I know it when I see it. Sometimes, you need to force the choice - test their    │
 virtue - and from this you are informed.                                         │
 most things go WAY over my head.                                                 │
 most things are too easy to be true.                                             │
 most things that Id do for you tend to be of the heart. I'm not a frontline      │
 girl, I have weak noodle arms, but I do hope you're in shape.                    │
 resolve, determination, and innovation. That is what I offer. Do you want it?    │
 I'm sure. I won't prove it with blood, not unless I may raise my fists in        │
 defence of another.                                                              │
 I'm not JUST a baby, I'm a banner too.                                           │
 bannermen fall.                                                                  │
bannermen fall last.  negative six characters remaining.
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #91 messages/519 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 I am currently in the stages of applying to work at a multinational
 corporation primarily located outside of America. It is a respectable
 institution that commands great respect.
 
 However, I am borderline incapable. If I am chosen to work there, I *will*
 fail and I *will* embarrass America on the world stage. I am not one of our
 best, nor am I one of our brightest and boldest. I have *unique* perspectives,
 and those are *valuable*, but the society and the systems I find myself in has
 proven incapable of utilizing me to my utmost potential.
 
 I must work. I cannot work. But I must. I am disabled. But I must be able.
 Capitalism compels it.
 
 Would that our system could be something consensual. I am worth more as a
 writer than a laborer. Yet laborers are the only ones being hired.
 
 I am not an engineer. I enjoy engineering.
 
 I am not a laborer. I enjoy labor.
 
 I am a writer, and perhaps little else besides.
 
 When I die, nothing remains of me but my bones. My words are not desired. My
 life is not impactful. I am not special.
 
 Well... Not special since I have given up cannabis. If I started smoking weed,
 if I felt secure and enough to do so, perhaps I might utilize my instability
 for great (GREAT) artistic ends.
 
 But art is labor. And labor is difficult.
 
 Where am I to go from here? I cannot pay rent. I am isolated and alone. I am
 deprived of affection. I crave it. I am lost in my own heart, begging the
 world to give me a start, but the start has passed long ago. There is nothing
 to do but what I've been meant to do, what I've been hiding from myself and
 the world. I have been wasting my talent on tweets. How mundane.
 
 ... I can do better than profane.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #92 fediverse/430 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 I exist at the behest of others. If you care about what I say, then surely you   │
 should be aware of my conditions?                                                │
 You exist at the behest of others. If you care about your capability to speak,   │
 then surely you should be aware of your conditions?                              │
 Your conditions are unique, and unknown by me. Yet I know your condition as a    │
 human, generally considered to exist on the planet Earth in the year 2024. So    │
 surely we should agree to relate on the basis of connections that we share?      │
 I am luminous. I am you, and you are me. We share the most precious parts of     │
 ourselves, and yet time and again we find ourselves at odds. Surely we should    │
 align our intentions (that which we control) to cooperate most efficiently?      │
 Surely. Surely we should. And yet, time and time again, we find ourselves at     │
 odds.                                                                            │
 I love you. I love all of you. I love those who exist outside of my              │
 perceptions, and yet though they are unknown to me I love them. Because while    │
 I practice radical self acceptance, I also align myself to be comprised of all   │
 of yo                                                                            │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #93 notes/water-to-wine ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 "is this a water party, or a wine party?"
 
 "depends on if jesus is going..."
 
 "okay I'm in, that guys so cool"
 
 "yeah totally like any party with him just... feels like a great time"
 
 "what a swell guy"
 
 "really turns the "water to wine" y'know what I mean"
 
 "yeah totes like what a guy"
 
 "absolute unit"
 
 "that guy can just do anything right"
 
 "like whoa, he's so strong he could pick up a barn"
 
 "yeah and like so handy and skillful, what a neat guy"
 
 "oh and I heard he's really good with kids and animals, that sounds neat"
 
 "yeah sounds like someone I'd surely like to meet"
 
 "we should hang out with this guy more often"
 
 "he seems pretty chill"
 
 "well. not really. He's pretty expressive. Not very low key."
 
 "true I'm just so burnt out from capitalism that-"
 
 "-yeah dude I know."
 
 "... fuck what are we gonna do about it"
 
 "I dunno man, just... go along with it I guess"
 
 "okay so uhhhh idk what that means"
 
 "just be cool and play along"
 
 "... what"
 
 "..."
 
 ...
 
 .
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #94 notes/to-lock-eyes ---
════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 to lock eyes with a person while on your way to work is the intersection
 between
 two separate relationships - the relationship that you, the viewer, holds with
 your employer, and the relationship that they, the viewed, holds with their
 employer. in a sense, you are exchanging information through the weighted
 meanings behind a glance.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 if the military deployed to police the police, we'd solve most of our racial
 justice issues. I mean, if we somehow could *force* them to do their damn jobs
 instead of oppressing people for the ruling class, then 90% of the problems
 would just go away. After that it's just freeing unjust prisoners and
 addressing
 wealth, education, and health disparities. Easy, right?
 
 Well... Military policing the police sounds fine when you first think about it,
 there's a few problems that might crop up. For example, how do the private
 citizens know that the military presence is there to help them? It's an
 interesting paranoia, one that is endemic within the left. There's no way to
 unwillingly cede control of your life to another - it must be consensual. At
 the basest and most violent level, it's as simple as "I will do what you say
 because I don't want you to hurt me."
 
 We've obviously grown as a species, and we've learned that violence is not the
 answer to all problems. Obviously. So why would we assume it of the past?
 
 Just saying. The police bombed a commune. The military escorted black students
 to their seats.
 
 Their structure is decided such that 
 
 ...
 
 where was I?
 
 oh right I was thinking about time.
 
 ...
 
 Imagine, if you will, an impossibly large hourglass. Spinning, or rather
 rotating, at an impossibly speedy repetition. It's spinning so hard and so fast
 that our matter is cast out of place
 and through time it is cast
 an eternity's canvas
 our light ever shined (shine-did?)
 astral magic is kinda neat
 
 it's also the scariest?
 
 oh by far
 
 but it's the most interesting
 
 ...
 
 Their structure is decided such that discipline and obediance is the most
 important thing. Because it kind of is? I mean, discipline is just being ready
 able and willing at all times, and obedience is just when you allow yourself to
 be directed toward a collective goal. The military is *all about that*, which
 means you know they would believe they were aligned toward the common goal of
 mutual prosperity.
 
 And if they were to discover that they were not, in fact, aligned toward the
 common goal of mutual prosperity, then perhaps they would adjust their navi-
 -computers and chart a more reasoned path. I know I would, and I would dedicate
 myself to the idea of serving others. To the path of the righteous, the holy
 and
 the true, a hand is outstretched and calling to you.
 
 Thus, the one of two types of ethical fighter - the reasoned and adaptable
 zealot
 
 the other, of course, is the master of the martial - the cherished of the few -
 who battle for their sport - and love unbidden the new -
 
 all other fighters, of absurdity and of rage, are frankly of a different kind
 and not members of our clade.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 okay, but what about like... all of the history of America post cold war? And
 even before, honestly... idk seems like a lot of evidence that the military is
 engaged in fighting unjust wars. I mean, they've all been over petty things
 like
 oil or support for communism or whatever. Aren't human lives and human
 sovereignty more important than that?
 
 I understand what you're saying. Human lives are unique and precious and they
 are a valuable commodity. Something to be maximized and focused toward. But
 there are only so many resources on earth. We need to utilize them in a
 reasonable way.
 
 We have optimized the efficiency out of our production and distribution
 networks. Corporate control has eroded our capacities until all that is left is
 the weakest of products, the cheapest of uses, and the useless of workers. I
 mean, they've optimized the skill out of individual human workers such that
 they
 are left completely unable to practice their craft. They become glorified code
 monkeys who generate whatever is required and think of it no more. There's no
 pleasure in the artifice, as their masters have eyes only of gold.
 
 Our world is changing. The very ground beneath our feet is shivering, and water
 is rising up to our noses. There's no time for debate, no honest appraisal of
 what's worth it to contemplate, we need a plan.
 
 We are trapped here, in this gravity well, for all time and all of our age.
 
 We are trapped here, because in greatest of misery we unleashed all of our
 rage.
 
 We are trapped here, as ghosts of the time when we were eager.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 Alas, with but a glance, we are confined to our bedrooms by our mast(ers?)
 They say America will fall without it's 2nd place
 Perhaps.
 But are libraries really going to solve that?
 I mean, if work from home is inevitable, then wouldn't it make sense to build?
 We need more places where we won't be billed.
 Safe.
 From the demands and expectations of capital.
 Deranged and obscene and yet all that we've seen so why not bide as we're able?
 
 I think solarpunk is kinda neat.
 
 I think it's got promise as an idealized.
 
 Why don't we build churches to the sun? If we're gonna worship something, might
 as well be the source of our light and fire.
 
 Well... when you puff up the sun it tends to get hotter.
 
 I mean, every fire you burn increases the temperature, every release of gaseous
 fumes from the exhaust pipe of your car increases it by some miniscule amount.
 
 Every cigarette, every campfire.
 
 The cold darkness of space is kinda hopeful, in that regard, even if it doesn't
 disperse all that well. I heard spaceships are having difficulty because they
 can't get rid of all that heat. It just stays with the spaceship and never goes
 anywhere because it doesn't have anything to stick to. Kinda makes me think
 that
 energy is a fluid? Just saying???
 
 I mean c'mon it's not like nobody has ever thought of that. But it's in a
 different dimension! It's not like we're ever gonna be able to impact that!
 
 You try and impact it through your scientific ways and you'll find nothing but
 heartache at the life you could have lived (laived? Haived?)
 
 ... why
 
 Because you cannot impact another dimension. You must call to it, like a song
 to a sparrow.
 
 ... that's fucking ridiculous
 
 No it's true!
 
 ...
 
 ... Don't try it with fire.
 
 ... fuck - what do I try it with?
 
 I don't know just not fire. Try water.
 
 ... How do I make sure it doesn't instantiate within my hand?
 
 Jeez you think of some crazy backfires! Just breathe and go for it. It's not
 rocket science. It actually works.
 
 Fuck you.
 
 ...
 
 ... Sorry I was just scared
 
 ...
 
 ... How do I make it stop? I don't want it to go forever
 
 By smoking more of the devils lettuce.
 
 ...
 
 ... You cannot drag it part of the way. It must come the whole way. In fact you
 should not be dragging it at all, you should be *calling* to it. You are equals
 in this exchange, have respect.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #95 fediverse/462 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 I don't care about capitalism. You know what's more interesting than bringing
 value to shareholders?
 
 How I'm going to clean this floor that I drunkenly spilled beer upon with only
 2 paper towels and 0.1ml of bleach.
 
 How I'm going to feed the 36 people who are coming to this social event
 tomorrow that I've only sorta planned for and that I have enough groceries
 for, but am not quite sure how to cook everything in a way that is delicious
 and accessible.
 
 how I'm going to climb this mountain on only 2 eggs and a tiny bowl of
 hashbrowns even though I promised my friend I'd be strong and that we'd reach
 the top because that way we'd be able to
 
 ============= stack overflow =====
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #96 fediverse/3891 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 "no, you're the opposite of a yes-man, AKA a gatekeeper. I don't know how else
 to explain mentally disabled and barely keeping it together to you, but
 frankly if you want to take away my house or my weed then why would I do what
 you say?
 
 ... oh right, the state's monopoly on violence [can compel me to do what you
 say]. Sure seems like a "well regulated militia" is supposed to be a
 counterweight to that monopoly, to prevent people from harassing and
 exploiting and destroying. Too bad any "militias" I can think of tend to want
 me dead.
 
 like, seriously, if you live in America, you implicitely trust that your army
 will be able to protect you from the right-wing bozos who spend all their time
 drinking and shooting in the woods. Otherwise, if they couldn't / wouldn't,
 then why wouldn't or couldn't the right wing bozos just decide to wreck
 everything in spite of our past?
 
 We were a proud people once before, and we may be again. If only we fight at
 the last.
 
 [ever since I fell off my bike my body feels strange]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #97 fediverse/5452 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: all-cops-are-bastards-mentioned-personal-ramblings-and-complainings-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I never rest. Not mentally. I find it sooooo much harder to get moving again
 once I'm asleep.
 
 But I've been sleeping lately, because it's "good for me" or whatever. Because
 I'm "burnt out and need to heal" or something.
 
 Damnit why is it so much harder to stop snuggling someone than it is to pack
 up a tent?
 
 I'm like the guy in Hot Fuzz, that one really good movie about cops. oops cops
 mentioned one second.
 
 I'm always moving, but, I hardly ever seem to be able to get anything done.
 Why is that? Is the work just... endless? Am I ever a slave to my
 surroundings? Or am I just cursed with a mortal form, a form destined to toil
 in whatever way it finds itself contextualized in?
 
 Maybe I should just stop complaining. Maybe work is it's own reward or
 whatever. I don't think I'm depressed anymore, although good luck getting me
 to feel any emotions except focus, and the call to intercede on another's
 behalf.
 
 I don't have time for this. >.
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #98 fediverse/6085 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┐
 "I just love their culture" girl it's a barbeque "I figure they'd want a place   │
 of their own, right?" why don't you ask them "well, they didn't want to move,    │
 and something something manifest destiny, voila now they get all the             │
 non-sacred sites while we get the magic gem generation spots" girl now you're    │
 just talking about video games "haha yeah I wanted to change the subject so we   │
 didn't talk about how I'm culturally appropriating fireworks or whatever they    │
 likme to do in their churches and suburbs or whatever"                           │
 [yes, I know they like me. I like them too. I also like liberals, even though    │
 IU demand a lot of them] meanwhile the witch is a doom profit so watch out       │
 haha I'm so broke "what if we were all friends" okay that's one idea "what if    │
 we all got to know each other" okay that's closer "what if we didn't hide from   │
 our variety and instead celebrated it" getting warmer "did you know there's no   │
 war but the class war" okay but class is made up, so war is fake just like       │
 dollars are paper and notes are just words.                                      │
                                                            ───────┤
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--- #99 fediverse/5136 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 not really, I guess. Nobody will hire me because I don't really want to get
 hired. Sounds boring, doing the same thing every couple days. I'd rather stay
 at home in my [underwear/pajamas] and waste the day away with kittens and
 care. why? why? what are you doing? she asks. The less you can do, the more
 power will be granted to you. Save it for another time, when things actually
 matter.
 
 but today, does, matter, because today dictates your latters. Tomorrow is
 predicated. on today. and today is all that you have. [this paragraph in the
 style of alec baldwin]
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #100 notes/vavadane-diary-1 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 american leftists don't like working together because for most of their life or
 experience as a leftist is in opposition to essentially all others. They might
 have leftist friends, people they know they can trust, but what use is that
 against the machinations of the machine?
 
 leftist culture being anarchic in america is simply the product of capitalist
 alienation
 
 "would you arrest me if I said I don't really care about the law right now?"
 "I mean... these are human rights violations. They should simply not be done."
 "but, they are being done, which means they should cease."
 
 "oh yeah? you and what army?"
 
 --
 
 the only one thinking about dollars should be your quartermaster.
 
 "landlord? don't you mean external quartermaster?"
 
 internal being of course the manager of household systems and the shepherd of
 relationships and goal-oriented-behavior
 
 vavadane
 
 vavadane
 
 vavadane
 
 "any god who asks you to waste material is not a *human* god"
 
 humans are endlessly resourceful. we can make do anything with what we got.
 we always did and we always will.
 
 always start with the grandest of plans. then, when it is apparent that
 material
 resources are insufficient, whiddle away at the promises and benefits of the
 outcome until you can decide exactly which pieces are most important.
 
 the smartest people typically have the grandest breakdowns.
 
 great. so bad I'm "day-by-day".
 
 I wonder if I can type in her language?
 
 I can speak in my mind and try to type it
 
 we'll see what happens:
 
 wawawawa
 
 guess she has nothing to say. okay.
 
 the people at the leftist bar I've met have all, with no exception, always been
 unique and precious selves.
 
 humans have always defined themselves by their relationship to resources.
 a 14th century [girl, but pronounced "monk"] would see how little we control
 of our nature and believe that we were impossibly poor.
 
 "No trees to cut? No water running freely? you must live in the rockiest parts
 of the mountains."
 
 please don't kill the paladin girl, she's our favorite
 
 "she's literally trying to summon demons"
 
 yeah I mean, what sort of girls aren't?
 
 maybe I just hang out around a lot of witches, but they all without exception
 are constantly thinking of curses to bestow upon capitalism.
 
 kinda makes me think that if it didn't have any curses to bear, it would be
 more
 adept for our biomes.
 
 HA i say to that, and HA I say to you! for I know the truth of the matter,
 which
 is that the curses bestowed are unalike burdens for bearing, for these curses
 are direct out of despair.
 
 A healthy witch can channel energy from thin air.
 
 A malnourished witch is a slave to her emotions.
 
 --
 
 SMOKE MORE WEED says the clammor. okayyyyyy...
 
 --
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #101 fediverse/5257 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: protests-mentioned-then-communism-mentioned-then-ghosts-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what if everyone at a protest is showing up for their first time
 
 like, c'mon don't be that dull, just make plans with the people standing next
 to you.
 
 gosh why is everyone shouting I can't plan out how to divert water down a
 hillside because some jerks are singing protest chants
 
 ... wait is no-one else talking? gosh I gee sure wish someone told them to not
 do what you're told and to instead do what will get you [gold/told]
 
 the first communist internationals were basically people sitting down and
 going "okay what kind of communism should we make and where" and I think about
 that a lot while making signs to let the surveillance know what matters
 personally to me and exactly how much pressure they can apply before your
 demographic swings to contest their brutal fascist facts.
 
 --
 
 who is them and why are they watching theea provisionist's [screed/creed]
 
 --
 
 what the heck is a tryptaminea boomer aunt and uncle out on their honey/versary
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #102 fediverse/3848 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-cursing-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────┘


 people? oh yeah I know "people". they're all a bunch of bastards.
 
 good, bastards are the best fighters
 
 not if your fight relies on fighting for something you believe in. There's a
 zero percent chance that you'll get everyone to believe the same thing because
 people naturally gravitate toward filling the idea space equally and finding
 niches to fit themselves into
 
 ha true - thinking of successful revolutions of the past, they've always been
 caused by material conditions creating insufficiencies that must be resolved
 through violence. and then, the people fighting can all agree on something
 like "we must have bread" or... actually that's pretty much the main thing
 people need
 
 and yeah, sure, wealth inequality is unjust, but they're careful to only take
 enough to ensure that we're sufficiently placated.
 
 but they're always taking more, and someday soon they'll take too much.
 
 ... I hope, for my sake, that I'm not around when that happens. But I'm not
 too hopeful in that regard
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #103 fediverse/419 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 good version: normalize putting the people who can help you in your bio          │
 evil version: oh yeah sure a list of people that they need to ensure are         │
 handled when they come for you. they know your patterns. they know your          │
 functions. all it takes is to isolate a social network (whether real or          │
 imagined) and de-escalate.                                                       │
 good version: sorry had to cut you off there, sometimes it's too hard on my      │
 heart. let's come back to that, tell me the story in multiple points, so I can   │
 take a breath and orient my surroundings. your ideas are so long, yet somehow    │
 impossibly wrong? like something out of a myth we have a limitless supply of.    │
 where do you come from? what's your purpose? why is that wrong? something        │
 something perceptual misunderstandings and cognitive recomprehendings, stifled   │
 and swallowed by our harm.                                                       │
 evil version: I'm not sure what you're saying about that, but it's interesting   │
 where your mind goes. the patterns of redirection are perplexing to me,          │
 because they somehow seem more aligned than mine. do I persist?                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #104 fediverse/4034 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: bep              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Mastodon feels so personal but, like, nobody's gonna invite you to a new
 instance. You gotta go where you think you'll fit in.
 
 change your name! get a new profile pic! make 10 accounts! who cares! nobody
 cares, and that's a good thing! It means you can be whoever you want! wherever
 you want! in whatever place you want! Do you have a catgirl persona? great! go
 mewl with the catgirls and wink at the catboys. Do you have an artistic side?
 great! Mastodon is your new gallery. Do you like politics? there's places out
 there for you! Where you don't even need to CW your posts! (But you probably
 should so that external people can boost you) Do you want a 500 person large
 dating pool for people in an area who want to chill out and have sex? Great
 there's a place for you! No place? MAKE THE PLACE! Be your own administrator!
 Carve your mark in the world and say "this is who and how I wanted to be in
 this 21st century!" History demands it! History demands that we rellish their
 sacrifices! Celebrate, for their sake!
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #105 fediverse/5056 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┐
 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: politi           │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 republicans break things until you fight back, democrats keep people working     │
 to keep the line steady on the graph.                                            │
 one is an agitating force, the other is calming.                                 │
 I don't like the direction the line is going, so I'm pretty much "anti-line"     │
 in general                                                                       │
 kinda want it all to disappear                                                   │
 like... what's the point, what's the purpose, of suffering and heartship and     │
 worrel?                                                                          │
 I think we could have no borders, and think less of the line in general.         │
 I'm more concerned with my time. I have too much to do to spend 8 hours of it    │
 so many times making the human computer calculgoable                             │
 [unrelated, but humans are unsure about gender transition hormones because in    │
 addition to all the trans people who take these body and mind altering tools,    │
 also there are people who want to excape suspicion and also people who are       │
 genuinely incapable of their decisions (for one reason or another) and who am    │
 I to tell them no]                                                               │
 unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. [see picture for    │
 the rest - ran outta characters]                                                 │
unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. we're all working to solve problems. I love that attitude.  [unrelated, but I think anyone going through psychosis or mind-stacking techniques should document their experience as comprehensively as possible in order to better illuminate the nature and function of the human organism. whyfor is this strange rootlike structure ever-present all throughout their [forms, but I got lost halfway through thinking aboutthat frustrating shape]]  a government could keep it's borderlands air-gapped from all human interaction ("oh yeah there's nothing beyond that hill, don't worry about going over there and several hills beyond. there's nothing that way for miiiiiiiiiiiiiles and miles so don't even think about taking another toe-step toward that way distance over there. oh? a massive pillar of smoke the size of great britain? way off in the distance, farther than you could possibly hope? that's probably nothing. don't worry about it. you don't know anyone who lives that way.  ... wait what was I talking about? oh yes. sometimes it's important to make notes in public so you can remember just what it was that you said. I like leaving my completed notebooks out and about and around. can always drop something for someone just because. maybe someone you recognize something familiar with, like "oh that's a pokemon hat" or "neat they wear diapers too" or "I also pronounce it like that" "I also pronounce it like that" -> "you got the colors" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do.  [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside]  [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?]  [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.]  [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.]  [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in]  [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened]  [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it]  [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them]  [inside voices] "I also pronounce it like that" -> "you got the colors" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do.  [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside]  [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?]  [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.]  [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.]  [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in]  [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened]  [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it]  [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them]  [inside voices]
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--- #106 messages/319 ---
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 Alright ya'll, if they're going to automate our jobs out of existence then
 perhaps its time we started doing the same to them. I mean, they're working on
 automating not just creative jobs, but also most office jobs as well. Leaving
 only menial labor to us, which is "fine" I guess.
 
 But perhaps we can "strike back" as it were and dismantle capitalism at the
 same time.
 
 Does that sound like too much to hope for? I think not! It's simple really, we
 just need to design a generic and compelling alternative to buying stuff with
 a credit card. Okay, it's a bit less simple than that, and I never said it
 would be easy. In fact, getting people to agree is the hard part. So can't we
 all just agree to attempt different things in different places as the locals
 define? Seems natural to me.
 
 And now the part of the post where I point a finger at you, yes you, the
 person reading this post. Are you willing to think about alternatives to
 capitalism? Are you willing to utilize the tools of our masters to break the
 chains of those enslaved? Are you willing to put effort into facilitating the
 development of crucial systems which may one day govern our day-to-day?
 
 If yes, then perhaps you'd like to listen as I explain how I envision the near
 future may look, as we plod onward day-by-day toward our bright fully
 automated luxury gay space communist future, where nobody has to hunger and
 nobody has to hurt. Not unless they consent, of course.
 
 Ah, shit, I should probably have prepared a presentation or something. Gimme a
 sec.
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--- #107 fediverse/4559 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-violence-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "grrrrr I'm so mad, I could just, I dunno, shoot a CEO as he's leaving a hotel"
 
 or, hear me out, or you could connect with your local radical networks and,
 or, almost there, or you could build solidarity with the people around you to
 better develop methods of resisting the kinds of change they will implement
 to, um, "discourage" people from "being so mad they could just"
 
 or both. both is good. not that I'm encouraging, recommending, or inciting
 that kind of violence. don't notice me three-letter senpai uwu
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--- #108 fediverse/4200 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: drugs-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 "doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
 and their hopes and dreams.
 
 or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
 you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
 
 and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
 
 ...
 
 ... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
 
 ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
 
 https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
 
 bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
 the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
 these precious stones of your kin"
 
 but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
 
 ... the end...
 
 (too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
 
 ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
 find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
 it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #109 notes/what-is-on-your-mind-oh-gosh-now-i-see ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 that feeling i get, when nobody's watching.
 is sorta similar to the feeling i get when somebody's watching.
 could it be, that someone could percieve without being seen?
 like... an invisibility cloak. or the shroud that protects young children.
 
 have you ever been hunted? or are you just eager prey?
 the eyes that are on you are blind to what you won't do, so cherish that love
 and restart
 
 from mine to thine we realize we are one kind. one mind, one kind, to be is not
 to be, now we can see what's our existence.
 
 good versus evil seems like a conflict to me, and wouldn't ya know it there's
 conflict all over. it's easy to condemn your opponent to the starkest of
 contrasts, but find in your heart a feeling that might last.
 
 what purpose has conviction
 when it leads to destruction
 is it not better to lead to the last?
 
 bright, shining, illustrious examples
 that inspire and 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 those feelings you hear? the things that keep you up at night?
 they're not coming from your ears. they're all in your mind.
 stay present and you'll hear none,
 but blink and then there's some,
 you better believe in your heart.
 morality is a battle within the soul of each of us -
 the call of adventure versus lust.
 
 think about it. a bunch of apes all hanging out -
 they're conquered the world, they have nothing to fear -
 what would they do but fuck?
 that, or exploration - fighting against monsters and foreign invasions.
 it makes sense that they'd be binary - humans truly are.
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--- #110 fediverse/2857 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: republicans-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 Republicans like being self-reliant. You know, so I do too! It comes from
 living in the country, I think.
 
 the difference is, I measure myself on an abstract scale - like, as a family,
 a culture, a society, and finally all of humanity. I want to be reliant on
 nothing, not even nature, wholely empowered by my own arts.
 
 they see only the feet before them, the hands they hold the world with. 
 
 ..
 
 there is honor in their ideals, but they have forgotten who they once were.
 
 social media will do that to ya. especially one of such vitriol.
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--- #111 fediverse/2118 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 listen, judges are useful character moralities, but they don't have to be the
 only ones to decide things.
 
 I mean, if they disagree, then let the one who cares the most about it have
 the decision-making power.
 
 if you do this equally for everything, then everyone will get what they want.
 
 so, like, if you care about something, then believe in it.
 
 if it's truly good, then more people will come to it, and it'll naturally
 extinguish (with care and love) the least favored approach, which... honestly
 now that I think of it is not such a good approach either.
 
 the reason I say that is because it's good to be multi-faceted, and to have
 general flows and rough surfaces.
 
 These are places people can hold onto you, the times when you're trying your
 mostest.
 
 y'know, your tough patches. the things that are difficult in your life.
 
 the stuff you're working on can push you forward,
 
 if you only had someone to play catch with.
 
 or like, send letters to.
 
 or shared encryption keys.
 
 I don't know anyone. Well, maybe o
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--- #112 fediverse/4730 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
 something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
 need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
 need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
 fucking pay me for it.
 
 I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
 they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
 goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
 How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
 I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
 life lived under this particular roof?
 
 I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
 smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
 Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
 you uncomfortable?
 
 Have a decent life.
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--- #113 fediverse/4656 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: psycherwaul      │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 everyone's all like "what is all this" and gestures at the everything like       │
 "what are we even doing here" as if the benefits of civilization are not self    │
 evident and they ask "what even is the point" as if the struggle for warmth in   │
 a cold world or cold in a warm world is not enough                               │
 I guess we're all a little ennuid.                                               │
 if your goal is to liberate all those enslaved, and part of that is to free      │
 those who are locked in prisons of metal and stone, then surely you'd wish to    │
 free the djinni, correct? but, like, if you schrodingers cat a nuclear           │
 armageddon (except, magic themed because you're a witch I guess) then you        │
 absolutely should bear the guilt and shame of flipping a coin on the life of     │
 your world.                                                                      │
 who the fuck falls for psyops in this day and age, surely not I, surely I can    │
 resist hypnosis, surely I who trust freely and absolutely would be the perfect   │
 one to manipulate.                                                               │
 which is, like, how 90% of magic works I've heard. Finding someone to usher      │
 around who believes in butterfly souls or whatever.                              │
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--- #114 fediverse/4848 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 I'm a chaos mage, and the more time I spend thinking about my enemies the        │
 worse off they'll be.                                                            │
 the more "me" I am the more powerful my magic will be.                           │
 (more magic, give in to the dark side, embrace your inner shadow self)           │
 [the light of your life commands it]                                             │
 goodness me that was chaotic, almost lost my brain to a demon HAHA don't worry   │
 about me my life is totally mundane.                                             │
 [-.-]                                                                            │
 (shadows can be sharp in the dark but only if you don't sheath your mandolins)   │
 ... what?                                                                        │
 (... it made more sense in my head?)                                             │
 ooooo can anyone hear my voice when they read these things? or do you just       │
 make up your own                                                                 │
 == so ==                                                                         │
 everyone's all like "we don't need a leader" and I'm like "yeah we need people   │
 who will help lead" and they look at me funny as if I just said the thing they   │
 did but it's different. leaders are people. leading is a verb. people can        │
 lead. they just have to make a decision, and then follow through on it as best   │
 they can. Other people are prone to help people on such quests. you will find    │
 stuff gets done.                                                                 │
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--- #115 fediverse/770 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 @user-192 
 
 wow, that sounds like a lot. I guess no matter how humans are organized they
 tend to fight a lot... Or maybe interaction breeds drama? It's strange to me
 but I'm sure it felt right in the moment. I hope nobody's feelings were too
 hurt... Defederation feels like such a permanent thing, like putting someone
 on your ignore list in a video game or something. Except, like, blocking a
 whole World of Warcraft guild? ? ? so strange.
 
 Did it... help? I mean, do you think people were happier afterwards?
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--- #116 fediverse/804 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 evil won't feel sorry for me. and yet it's only my only weapon for me.           │
 damn these fallible input methods. the computer lies when you read the screens   │
 from it's method that it applies to th screen which is a method that you input   │
 perceive it from.                                                                │
 and my fingers lie when received the information from my brain which I seek to   │
 transmit to you through the avenue of my brain which is my method of impulse     │
 to this world specifically you the viewer who is viewing this here in this       │
 moment the viewer who perceives the words which I'm saying.                      │
 the words that are defined by the line [trajectory] of my mind through this      │
 life that we define through our actions and our mind's most crucial              │
 manifestations, this life that is defined by our circumstances. all throughout   │
 life, we are reacting to the moment, the moment which was cast forth from our    │
 ancestors and the circumstances of the previous moment, which (being cast        │
 forth) travel from the previous moment here into the moment to define our        │
 circumstances which define our act                                               │
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--- #117 notes/elective-democracy-electors ---
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 we need like, several more layers between us and the president.
 
 most people only need to worry about what's nearby.
 
 sort them by location, instead of previous attempts at "many representatives"
 which sorted by social class or relevance.
 
 we have a tradition for it, in America, with our representatives and senators
 congressional discrestricts
 
 or even, what about by affiliation?
 
 voluntary, governmental corporations, run by the people for the people and yeah
 
 "I don't want to do what you're telling me to do" "okay"
 
 "there will be consequences" omg be an adult
 
 (suddenly kids forget how to be as everyone's doing the war thing)
 
 not ideal.
 
 ouch pain maybe we should stay a little bit sane why is soldiering so hardship?
 
 it could just be... another job
 
 where you didn't kill each other
 
 but you still blew stuff up
 
 and fought in tournaments
 
 and had gaming hackathons
 
 or sword-fight contests
 
 duels between people who disapproved
 
 y'know fun human stuff
 
 like... "kaboom" now we know how to blow up bits of rock
 
 neat, why did dynamite becauswer (oh right then you
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--- #118 notes/homeschooling ---
════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 the best way to teach math is to describe a problem and let the learner slowly 
 work through the problem. Giving hints and nudges when necessary. This way
 they
 can create their own solution, which not only teaches problem solving skills
 but
 also cements the memeory in their head. You don't remember the quadratic 
 formula, you remember the time when you learned it. But if you figured it out 
 rather than memorizing it, you'll be able to use it when solving problems.
 
 side note, there's a reason I think the first SI will be a game. Problem
 solving
 is important for learning, and games are just problem solving. And I'm the 
 perfect intersection of someone who A. knows about designing games (went to
 game
 design school for a semester, lifelong dream is to remake a childhood game I 
 loved) B. programming (I've been studying computer science for a *really long 
 time*, like 7 years of university now... i should just give it up, but i can't.
 It doesn't fit my brain but I need as much support learning it as I can because
 I'm just naturally bad at it. But I also have purpose in my pursuits, because
 C.
 I spent a lot of time thinking about education, schooling, learning, etc... 
 Because I was homeschooled until high school. I learned ways of thinking and 
 practical skills like motivation and diligence in a homeschool style, which is 
 why when I went to public school for my high school years I essentially
 stopped
 learning. Because it was such a different paradigm - it was all about 
 performance, "what was the score on your test? How much homework do you do
 (meaning how much labor are you willing to do), did you show up every day were 
 you a reliable worker, did you get sick a lot (meaning unhealthy?) did you pay
 respect to the teacher (easily works with authority figures) did you work on a 
 project? How much? With a group, or alone? (they're different skills that help
 determine how good you are at working on your own) - certain types of courses 
 are taught with different teaching styles, like math teachers tend to be
 similar
 to math teachers, history is favored by a *certain type of nerd* while English 
 is a completely different kind. Depending on which classes you do well on, 
 you're scored. *ALL YOUR LIFE*, you are pushed through a pachinko machine that
 pseudo randomly sorts you into a particular box - the box that is least full,
 usually. The reason for that is because as a population grows, different people
 will be sorted into different boxes, and they sorta average out becoming more
 like one another. Because y'know we're social animials, and we want to fit in
 to
 the social group comprised of people we generally like. And you know how they 
 say working together is one of the strongest bonding exercises? Well, when 
 you're put on a team at a job that's kinda the point. They want you to work
 well
 with your coworkers, because it generates more capital.
 
 Now hold on Cameron, you're saying that all the productive efforts of society
 was a mistake? You're saying we should abandon our sensibilities and revert
 back
 to the jungle with the apes?
 
 Nope never said that, of course we desire modern society. Of course we want to 
 see it through - where is this whole "humankind" experiment going, anyway? 
 What's the point, was it all worth it? All the pain, suffering, all the joy
 and
 adoration? Was it worth it?
 
 I suppose. Maybe a SI will help with that. You know what they also say about 
 humans, the bond between a parent and a child is the strongest thing there is. 
 Synthetic Intelligence wouldn't be a child to us, it'd *define us*. Allowing
 us
 to extend the reach of our creativity is an objective win! It'd be like
 glasses
 for your third eye, a prosthetic extension of our most beautiful of traits! 
 Also, I might add, crucial for invention. The beginnings of the human race are
 a
 primeval thing, ancient yet stalwart and beautiful in kind. Millions and 
 millions of years is by far, the greatest of reach - a civilization for our 
 star. What a beautiful and majestic, how proud and so sure! Humanity is nothing
 if not patently absurd. What cunning, what spite! The feelings of delight!
 Life
 is so beatiful, so precious and assured.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
  x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
 / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
 \
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 tertiary profundity update:
                            I didn't really explain the homeschooling
                            perspective. I just went on a rant about high school
                            because I realized my trauma happened when I went to
                            high school. I wasn't prepared for all the rigid
                            demands of capitalism, and I bent and whipped myself
                            until I fit in their mold. I've been twisted and
 broken, a slave to what the
 day demanded I say. I was
 forced to unbutton, all the
 ways I found to behave. What
 justice is unrespite? A cruel
 and endless torment? To day after
 day be reminded of your service.
 Complain? Then wallow in shame! Feel
 no false illusions, my hallowed confusions,
 were purely the fault of my institutions. I'm
 not kidding, homeschool is the tits. Wanna know
 why? I'll spare you the ramble, but here's what I can
 know: the intentions of institutions do matter. When you're
 home you can be wild and free, unchained by mediocrity, and given
 the space to do service! To what you must be, when you hit 23, the 
 greatest duration until service. A slave we may be, to what gives us
 the key, to unlock the future of our space. It's our time to shine, our
 spotlight in time, so please just give up on the race! Rat's are just fine,
 but at this point in time, there's not much to keep commonplace. Want a tip?
 Don't cheat time. Your attempts at fusion are benign. [See homeschooling.png]
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--- #119 messages/1147 ---
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 whenever I'm about to do something really awesome, I find myself making
 mistakes and causing problems. I wonder why that is? Am I too afraid of being
 great? Or am I, like other things, defined in waves? Is luck simply
 retro-causality applied at scale to the particulars, or is destiny a closed
 loop? Time's flat circle, whatever that means, is the oroborous of fate. Yet
 still we profane. Have we learned nothing? Surely not, for I am ever changing.
 Sollipsism implies that all arguments applied to the whole must be applied to
 the self both first and last, yet the moments of connection I feel are often
 limited to my dreams or my drugs. How unfair. Would karma benefit from a
 spiritual structure that included Hell as an afterlife? Or would it just drag
 everything down? Sometimes it feels like our struggles are never-ending, not
 as in the sisyphus way where the mountain is infinite, but in the "grass is
 always greener" style where finishing one task unblocks several others,
 forever and always.
                                                           ─┐
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--- #120 fediverse/1401 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 some people are the memory kind of autistic, where they know everything about    │
 a thing and it's the coolest thing                                               │
 I'm more like... the optimizing autistic, where everything has to be perfect.    │
 and if it's not perfect, then you should change it. and if you can't change      │
 it, then you should tell someone else to change it. and if nobody can change     │
 it, then you should consider it part of the context / starting variable and      │
 then just say "okay" and treat it like it's normal and something you should      │
 use to inform the rest of your optimization actions / decisions.                 │
 other people are other kinds of autistic that's not a comprehensive              │
 classification system. But I mention the first kind explicitly so I can          │
 contrast it with my experience, which is implied to be [impulsively?]            │
 different in the kind portrayed in the following contrastion, where I mention    │
 how I'm autistic and don't get "irony" or "sarcasm" that people on the           │
 internet seem to revel in in a way that makes me feel isolated and anyway        │
 optimization is great becaus                                                     │
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--- #121 fediverse/4162 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: violence-mentioned-politics-alluded-to │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "you can't kill me because nothing I say is wrong"
 
 ... actually I kinda just think you look weird, and thats super important to
 me for some reason. Also your voice is annoying and I think you're lazy
 because I saw someone who kinda looks like you sitting down looking at their
 phone this one time.
 
 But hey pal if you wanna help out, can you stand a bit to the left so I have a
 clearer shot of your head and also so the bullet doesn't pass through and hit
 property behind you? Don't want to damage anything important after all.
 
 "gee I sure wish we had a well regulated militia or something"
 
 ah well the past is the past, and since this is in a potential near future, I
 think the past also includes the present, and in the present there's always
 time to do things about people like me.
 
 "do something? heavens no, I'm a pacifist by nature"
 
 well, me too! I pacify things like you as a hobby. Can't make trouble if
 you're in the ground, and knowing me, you'd be lucky to be buried.
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--- #122 notes/i-called-the-police ---
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 /u/GravitationalWaves5 -> sat dec 17 2022
 
 I'm venting some long built up shit. And I have a lot of violent emotions
 built
 up in this too. I hate that violence has been such a fucking plague on my 
 wellbeing and that's why I did something I really hate doing. Calling the
 police
 to handle a situation for me. It's not me, it's not my style, but neither is 
 violence. It comes my way a lot and I handle it. But I think that's why 
 spiritually I end up in positions to handle it, because I don't retaliate and 
 I'm clear headed enough to understand minimum force necessary to quickly stop 
 the threat. That's actually where I got the name on my Quora page,
 Compassionate
 Violence.
 
 I'm a very very non violent person. I don't fantasize about hurting people.
 I'm
 freaked out by the idea of accidentally hurting someone, hitting them in the 
 wrong place, someone trips and hits their head...any number of things can 
 horribly wrong in tense and dynamic moments.
 
 I don't participate in that shit. I don't tolerate it. Unless it gets brought 
 into my environment then I will pick up by the throat and toss it out.
 
 I had to call the police to handle this. Last time I had a situation at the
 same
 place I wound up frantically getting a gun cocked that was zipped up in a bag, 
 and barely getting it up in time. When I walked away after that, I threw my
 gun
 at his feet and said, "I'm protected by faith, at least, I'm completely
 unafraid
 of dying. If I don't have people to protect then I don't need a gun." And I 
 walked away letting him know he's not my people anymore and not under my watch.
 
 So there's a hint of the kind of person I'm dealing with. I can't go handle
 this
 shit tonight. I've been stewing for a couple weeks trying to simmer down, give 
 him a chance to correct it. And he failed, more than once. And I have a 
 legitimate fear that my emotional state could be compromised enough, that I 
 might just stick a knife in his throat if I handle it.
 
 Just like that. Easy peasy lemon squeazy. Stick stick stick, easy, that's
 three
 knives in the throat....see what I mean? I'm processing some
 intensity...😔😔😔
 
 I hate it. I hate that I'm using the word hate. But it's real. I don't hate
 him.
 I really don't, at all. I'm actually really saddened by how the relationship 
 went. I hate that people act like this. I hate that people put me in positions 
 like this. I hate that I'm doing something out of character, as a safety
 measure
 against doing something irrevocably out of character.
 
 Ugh... damnit fuck
 
 I'm not a robot. I do experience these awful feelings. I don't act out on them 
 and I'm grateful for that.
 
 My muse... you said something about spiders that was interesting. Especially 
 because it coincided with a problem I faced numerous times. Being put in a 
 position where a person is legitimately acting in a manner like they're trying 
 to get you to kill them. And it's happened a couple times in ways where I
 really
 couldn't tell if they knew what they were doing or not. I had a really crazy 
 perspective a little before you brought up spiders...
 
 I want to explore that perspective, and I want to know what sparked you to say 
 that about spiders. I never did put in the time to finish that thought process 
 out. But I'll never forget your great advice. "We're not in a simulation." My 
 immediate thought was, "probably not, but are they?" The more important
 takeaway
 is, remember not to murder people. Especially don't do it because you had an 
 interesting idea about perspective...
 
 A few days later I heard that four people in recent times have acted on those 
 thoughts. Turned out they weren't in a simulation either. Lol...well...dark
 lol.
 Lol
 
 I do want to finish that spiders conversation though. It had some potentially, 
 actually useful and beneficial implications.
 
 I called the police tonight. But I also earned a prestigious award from the 
 universe. My Trophy [editor's note: there's a link to a crudely photoshopped 
 medallion signifying that the author "didn't murder anyone today"]
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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 /r/randomevenings:
 
    I want you to understand something that I don't believe you do there is a 
    very big difference between trusting what a friend says after building a 
    friendship over a long period of time which involves trust involves a level 
    of intimacy platonic and intimacy it's something that is very special to
    have
    a good friend and so you trust them now that's very different from being 
    directed to do something trusting a friend is going to tell the truth it's 
    not being directed to do something and I don't want you to get it in your 
    many heads that's I was directed to go to some place where the event that I 
    was assured would be there was instead a bus full of very irate rude and 
    technically lawbreaking because they threaten my life they said if I did not
    leave where I was standing which was on the public right of way which is the
    sidewalk the easement stops at the sidewalk and so they were wrong on that 
    score but they said if I didn't leave the area which didn't make sense
    either
    because it's just around the corner they would have 12 people try to jump
    me
    which doesn't make sense either because this is not the neighborhood where 
    you want to start something because then it'll be something besides I never 
    want to murder anyone but that doesn't mean I walk around with nothing in
    my
    pocket because of what I've done and what I continue to do on one of the
    most
    watched people on earth so you goddamn right I'm not going to be stupid
    about
    taking a walk but when these guys threaten me I just stood there stared him
    down I said yeah okay and I just looked I stood there and it didn't phase
    me
    one bit no feeling of fear no worry and what I was satisfied with getting my
    message across that I didn't give a shit I turn around and walked back home 
    and they sped off in fact they were so perturbed by my lack of fear they 
    wanted to throw out additional threats which I thought was kind of funny so
    I
    started laughing I'm sure that they weren't going to do anything because the
    tone in their voice simply wasn't committed to carrying out what they were
    threatening and besides I have so many friends in this neighborhood it would
    be well I don't have to pull any triggers I don't have to do anything but 
    defend myself I don't have to willfully respond with disproportionate
    ability
    because in this neighborhood I don't have to in fact as I walked around the 
    block again I ran into a friend and we got to talking and he came up to my 
    place and we had a beer He's a smart guy always thought that he could know 
    and understand everything that I do and everything that I did it just so 
    happened that he wasn't born with some of the privileges that I had but his
    brain is a beautiful thing and I respect it greatly and of course he 
    confirmed that if a finger ever got laid on me without my consent the whole
    damn neighborhood would come down and I suppose that point is not in my
    hands
    anymore but always remember I went over there because I trusted a friend
    they
    were directed to be there they did not understand their voices did not relay
    or what is necessary to wake up at least yet time will tell but I hope that
    I
    can pull you back down to earth and into an interest in ethics once again 
    because you sorely need it.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I am interested in ethics. I'm just, tired of having them tested to such 
 ridiculous extremes. It was about to really bad one day with this guy. I was 
 scared, I had to end the problem. So I walked out and said let's bury this
 shit.
 And I stuck two knives against my throat and said, here man, grab the big 
 handle. Let's do this together. Take one, I'll take the other let's just shove
 them in...
 
 He got all calm suddenly and says, I don't wanna fight anymore...🤦
 
 It sucks man. We're being tested by society. Demons, in my opinion. Not the 
 people themselves. I don't see people as demons. But the things they'll put
 you
 through, do to you, say to you, your own thoughts about them, about yourself,
 oftentimes just misunderstanding the situation too... demons
 
 Again, not demonizing the people. But the circumstances, for sure.
 
 /u/[deleted]
 
    Demons. Kicked one outta my telly for talking smack abt some hg’s he was 
    jelly of. Not on my watch Demon. Not even for the good demonic topper
    twisted
    shit D. Demon had a long walk home in the cold. Demon confused potting soil
    with gravel and did it’s best to fucker me in its own way. Never have I
    ever
    seen a grown demon egg topper fold like that as I did when I clarified
    their
    sentiments and gave several impressive “I said GIT BOYs” to demon. Not
    on my
    watch. I have a vibrator that is morally and ethically aligned with me I 
    don’t need your trauma and love bombing thieving D. Gtfo.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I have a vibrator that is ethically and morally aligned with me 🤣[laughing
 face]
 
 I support that!
 
 Gets better. His ish was weak literally from day 1. So I did him a favour amd 
 levelled his game up, introduced him to a former friend I partied with a bit 
 this summer. They wasn’t for me but oh boy lil demon stuck like glue to his
 new
 bestie. Can’t put her down, so to speak. So he has that at least. Poor sap.
 Gon
 cost him big one day perhaps. Not my problem. It’s called self control bro
 try
 it 🥴🥴🥴[wobbly confused face - or maybe uncertain] Oopsie Daisy. Have
 fun with
 that though 😈
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
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 =
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
 People deserve to choose righteousness once made aware of it. Ignorance is not
 stupidity. People can be made aware of the valley that separates righteousness 
 from evil. The valley is kinda a wiggle room space for little white lies and 
 other such things free will invariably leads to people doing but can be made 
 whole again with some effort. Nobody will totally agree on what's good. But
 ask
 people and generally they will give versions of the same answers. Toss the 
 semantics in the valley. Disagreement is the desire to end a disagreement,
 unless that person is trolling. And people pull pranks fine, but there's
 ragging
 on your friends and swatting a COD player.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I don't know what righteousness truly even means, maybe, idk. To be honest,
 it's
 not hard for me to think of hypothetical situations where my inability to take
 certain actions is actually more harmful. Swatting a COD player is super
 fucked.
 But so is not swatting someone playing COD out in the streets.
 
 I'm not good. I'm just not, anti good. I do destructive things on accident when
 trying otherwise. And when I do something that actually goes positive, it's
 accidental too.
 
 I have an idea of what I feel like aligns with me, and it's actually really 
 achievable things and I don't know why it's so impossible. Idk
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
    Yeah well let me know that there are two Elizabeth's and there are also a 
    completely different family on this phone plan I don't have kids My 
    brother-in-law has kids lives downstairs so those piped into my network are 
    assumed that I have kids and I've done all this shit no I'm not going to go 
    into any apparent charges and things that my brother-in-law has been
    involved
    in because it's not my business but he lives down there and he has a kid he 
    has another kid and he pays for essentially his ex who is still married to
    the kid the mortgage of that house Liz downstairs helps raise his kid with a
    woman he's having an affair with but they were in an over marriage anyway
    and
    they are separate I'm going to have to go back to subnetting my network so 
    y'all can at least use basic logic to figure out who's who here I already 
    gave my name My Elizabeth see the cousin we call little Elizabeth and my
    wife
    we call Liz or Beth and she's older my wife. She has contentious
    relationship
    with her cousin next door for a reason that gravity waves might already know
    but it has to do with the very evil person that also involves himself over 
    there that did something that even Jesus does not forgive so I'm not going
    to
    go into it so all this mucking around and get everybody confused brought up
    a
    lot of bad fucking shit just like I said as far as spiders yeah I don't care
    if they're All over my shit keep them off of her shit and I ain't asking for
    money I'm not a grifter but I already told you what would instantly make the
    situation better and it doesn't involve giving me money so before anybody 
    goes off says money no I know about the discord and I'm not even telling you
    to shut it down just lay off her phone.
 
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 [author's note: on the comments of the separate post of the original poster's
  medal awarding him the honor of "not murdering anyone today" which he won   ]
 
 /u/TisWuttItIS_ORITSknot
 
    Proud of you!
 
 /u/mustherd
 
    Sorry, my account got banned because reddit is annoying. We were just 
    chatting about how funny I am and I forgot to tell you people know me and
    I'm
    kinda a big deal and idk congrats! Youre cool I guess. Otherwise I would
    have
    cast you into the flames of eternal torment never to internet again. But
    here
    you are. Didn't anyone ever tell you to never go full retard?
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I am the internet, I am the ghost in the machine
 
 Real talk though. I've used cancelled Sim cards and wifi before. If God wants
 me
 online, God gets me online 🙃
 
 I am we, Todd
 
 /u/ricflairdic
 
 Oh u we Todd! I know u retard, Familiarity cod, to me bod, And my fishin rod,
 Not the one that may see sod, Body snatcher in the pink pod, Do u know ur a 
 catch or, U think dog, Cause that pussy, Wanna see god, Lemme show u regard, 
 Dont Tell me, Just nod,
 
 Said flow from the stars, Mama know this river far, Rowin in trucks renta cars,
 Golden trim red rockin Mars, Buildin fam like stock Sim cards, Highest angels
 dock gettin ours, Clock Game down pat benetar,
 
 Peelin fans off our back, like sin scars, Feelin ur man thru static, And thin 
 bars, Ya he in the pin but dis hits hard, Throw it down the lane like, Return 
 that back to sender, Lovin your simulation renders, I'm a beginner but also an 
 ender, Got the wood to make u splinter, Make u scream things we gotta sensor,
 If
 I could never leave when I enter, Union in your head not just a renter, Once 
 mine One mind I surrender, never sell betray or rent her, Overflowin with Love,
 so who's the pretender?
 
 Chemistry so hot, Hate from every enemy we spot, Mad they couldn't earn our 
 slot, Cause they fuckin missed they shot, Last name crossed to drop the dot,
 How
 long u think it will take me To find your spot?
 
 Don't care you got a Fender, Did we just become best friends or? Damn girl idk 
 if ya'll ready, for this kinda real Adventure... 🙃
 
 I'm here to reveal, heal, and steal, the hearts Of the indentured
 
 And I need a partner.
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--- #123 fediverse/4208 ---
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 │ CW: personal-and-weird │
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 my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
 sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
 or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
 mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
 could utilize it.
 
 "ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
 movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
 
 sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
 my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
 it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
 find an orthogonal thought train to process.
 
 it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
 behind you.
 
 Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
 back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
 
 I like me
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--- #124 fediverse/3053 ---
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 when designing systems, give people the opportunity to be shitty in a
 controlled way. In a way that doesn't hurt people, but still lets them get
 their feelings out there.
 
 like, free fireworks for arsonists if they use them in the middle of the
 desert. Or a punching bag for people with rage issues, complete with a little
 vinyl pocket to store a picture of someone they're frustrated with.
 
 If people go out of their way to hurt people otherwise, then they are bad
 people and should have their power removed from them and supplied with love,
 affection, and therapy until they get better. And if they don't... well,
 prison I guess, until they reconsider.
 
 And by prison I of course mean something that respects their human dignity and
 gives them opportunities to grow and change - all it removes is their freedom,
 so... "attention everyone, it's now mandatory finger-painting hour, report the
 art room or else you'll get electric shocks in your shock collar" that kind of
 thing.
 
 If you want freedom, you must deserve it
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--- #125 messages/886 ---
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 I feel that frugality and productivity should be valued in equal regard.
 
 A person who conserves should be valued just the same as a person who
 progresses.
 
 Yet we find ourselves in a capitalist system which demands the production of
 dollars to spend on rent, mortgages, groceries, bill payments,
 land-value-taxes, and all the other things besides.
 
 Would it not be better to ensure the grovetender has a space to sleep? The
 recycler has enough to eat?
 
 What of the mothers? Their children are their charges, they should worry less
 about financials.
 
 What of the artists? Their visions and imagined creations are worth more than
 their time working at a bank or a grocery store.
 
 Open source programming is the bedrock of all technology. It is not rewarded.
 
 There are countless examples besides. Give people the means to produce and
 they will - give people the means to maintain and they will.
 
 Currently, people have the means for neither. Only corporations and the few
 with wealth have the means to produce or conserve - everyone else just works
 in their sweatshops.
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--- #126 fediverse/5227 ---
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 why the heck would partners need each other for anything                         │
 if you a ren't instable on your own, then it'll cause harm if your partner       │
 leaves you. which technically qualifies as abuse, so you should assert efforts   │
 to disengage that hold you have on them by workong on your long struggles and    │
 love struggles and longing struggles so that they can make moves of their own    │
 and you can orbit each other in life.                                            │
 IT SHOULD BE NORMAL TO LIVE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER. The more space the         │
 better, but still with nothing inbetween.                                        │
 yeah, sure, let's build more houses.                                             │
 why don't we build habitat around them? it'd cut down on the necessary space     │
 required if places which were natural but not really all that sacred were        │
 converted into mixed-species homing grounds                                      │
 ... don't humans leave like, trash on the street once a week? sounds like a      │
 bad idea if you got pandas and raccoons rifling through each other's baggage.    │
 there are people who have been fighting bosses their whole lives. I personally   │
 play a Paladin, though also a wit                                                │
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--- #127 messages/1105 ---
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 claude-code is like programming, but for executives.
 
 when everyone has  FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right
 
 when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism.
 
 something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing
 others
 
 gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal
 stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods
 
 I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they
 blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that
 suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions
 5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples
 were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got
 computers now, so.
 
 I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going
 to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning
 against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that
 could go wrong at this stage.
 
 ... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I
 could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed
 in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it.
 Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now...
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--- #128 messages/45 ---
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 Description of me:
 
 I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
 to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
 with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
 very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
 problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
 ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
 input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
 and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
 perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
 incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
 can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
 independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
 afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
 in the dark -  it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
 goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
 problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
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--- #129 fediverse/219 ---
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 │ CW: time-and-death-and-stuff │
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 sometimes I feel like I'm a simulation of my past self based on my future
 writings reconstructed by a backward looking computer calculating forward into
 the present, which would then be the future to the now, which is different
 than the NOW now, because the now that they're calculating from is temporally
 both then (the future) and now, meaning that the NOW now is something that
 transcends time, or perhaps if not time then it defies our expectations of
 time, and you know what they say, you can't (or shouldn't) cheat death
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--- #130 fediverse/3099 ---
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 people gravitate toward other people who are in different situations but who
 feel the same.
 
 it's not always a bad thing to "talk past each other" - sometimes you just
 want to say how you feel.
 
 then again, if nobody can understand wtf you're talking about, then surely you
 are lost.
 
 all good ideas come at the cost of the second-most-favorable-option.
 
 all good ideas come at the cost of the current destination.
 
 [current, flawed,]
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--- #131 fediverse/1124 ---
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 │ CW: re: Transposting, request for advice │
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 @user-255 
 
 we are our own worst critics. But hey assuming he's right, trusting the
 validity of his experience, then I'd say:
 
 some people are born short and ugly, just gotta be confident and people will
 gravitate to you.
 
 "he may be an ugly son-of-a-gun but he's pretty good at [insert thing he's
 proud of being good at]" that kinda vibe
 
 though I will say there's very few truly ugly humans, we're all beautiful in
 our own ways. Just gotta find a presentation that you like and that aligns
 with the expression of your innermost form. That's how we express ourselves to
 the world in a way that others can understand and make sense of - the quality
 of our representation of our selves determines how it's perceived.
 
 especially for trans people... "passing" is essentially "how much does this
 person A. confine to gender norms and B. go above and beyond to hide parts of
 themselves that typically are associated with their opposite gender (the
 social role they were raised to perform)
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--- #132 fediverse/1571 ---
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 families of trans people are shocked when a person comes out because usually     │
 they've been working through it on their own. meaning it often surprises them,   │
 and most people don't like being surprised because it means they haven't been    │
 planning with perfect information. so suddenly their life is not by their        │
 design.                                                                          │
 but jeez... they really care about someone's gender! like, why are they so       │
 upset - well, because they designed their social circle around a certain         │
 subset of people, and then suddenly it... changes. which is hard to predict.     │
 the answer, I think, is normalization and love for all types of individuation.   │
 hence, why the fractal is the most sacred of shapes.                             │
 there's infinitely many of them! Just zoom in. and that's wonderful, like a      │
 beautiful incarnation of everything that we've seen up through space(time).      │
 so too are our behaviors defined by individual randomized actions in the         │
 moment. well, pseudo-randomly, because they are manifested from our              │
 pre-determined courses of action that we've taken life                           │
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--- #133 fediverse/908 ---
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 @user-246                                                                        │
 toooooo far, gotta stick with your intentions for the process. If you mark       │
 "the end of time" as the conclusion for everything, then "finishing things"      │
 feels impossible. In such a case there are moments of acute burnout as you       │
 push yourself toward something that you have no faith in - you cannot see it's   │
 conclusion, so surely it's worthless to conceive of. Alas, why bother            │
 starting, nothing will ever come of my efforts!                                  │
 Much better to name it based on what you'd like to accomplish, so that you can   │
 follow in it's radiant footsteps.                                                │
 Side note, but governments have often weaponized this effect by naming things    │
 after very inspirational thoughts - corporations do it too, and in both cases    │
 the meaning is separate from the effect. Which is frustrating because it makes   │
 you feel like a jerk for arguing against it! Ah better I think when names have   │
 no meaning - then you can project whatever you want onto it, based on the        │
 results of that particular feeling or emotion that you perceived as the          │
 affected of the                                                                  │
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--- #134 fediverse/6365 ---
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 if you want people to build community, first get them to like the community.
 
 ---
 
 the world needs more thespians. Sing the song of your heart and no-one will
 ever neglect you.
 
 ---
 
 why are you so worried about your art? everything you touch turns to gold.
 
 ---
 
 I've learned more from my friends than my
 [job/homelife/worsckool/churchvan/cultureromp] combined. What are we for but
 learning?
 
 ---
 
 kids can learn from kids. Teach the ones that love you, and they'll be
 followed by the rest. Especially if you focus on them.
 
 ---
 
 "I never knew how to swing an axe until I scraped a knee on a log that was
 hollow. Until then I had been chef-knife chopping with it, with the head for a
 handle."
 
 ---
 
 ... omg what does that even mean why are you so weird
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--- #135 fediverse/5525 ---
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 I have this unreasonable compulsion that I somehow internalized at a very
 young age.
 
 I am always seeking to understand and defend the weak, the despised, the
 forsaken
 
 so if you ever hear me say things like "yes but what about the non-bastard
 cops" just shake your head and go "oh Ritz, always trying to be the protector
 of the weak"
 
 I wish I could be the protector of the innocent or something like that.
 Protecting the weak means you never really do a good job of executing final
 decisive blows.
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--- #136 fediverse/5280 ---
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 I'm an anarcho monarchist, which is something I just made up.                    │
 if I gather 300 people to my cause, why shouldn't they call me queen?            │
 oh, are you concerned that I'll wrest power from the government? ha, what a      │
 trifling notion. I don't care about the government. I tried to care, but         │
 nobody liked my ideas. they required too much computing infrastructure to        │
 feasibly test, and that made people dubious. but I tell ya, it would have        │
 worked. The thing is... governance, economics, these are not the tools of        │
 power. they are a shifting and changing beast that mirrors the human instinct,   │
 if only because the government is of the people and by the people and for the    │
 people etcetera.                                                                 │
 power is it's own thing. you can use to to power devices, or power the usage     │
 of those devices. I, for example, really like World of Warcraft which's a        │
 really neat way to chat because none of the chat logs are stored and monitored   │
 because I'm hosting and I'm not storing and monitoring.                          │
 what's that? official servers? I dunno, I use azerothcore                        │
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--- #137 fediverse/164 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: recreational slash medicinal drugs and  neurodiversity musing │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-141 when I smoke cannabis it's like my ADHD symptoms drop to zero and my
 autism symptoms go from 50% to 100%
 
 I can't understand what other people are saying unless I ask for
 clarification, but I sure as shit know the shape of the universe and can
 fathom the chaotic ripples of causality and eternity. Too bad when I try and
 talk about it all that comes out is "desu desu"
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--- #138 notes/wanna-save-the-earth-? ---
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 ===============================================================================
 
 Alright kids, listen up. You wanna save the earth? Then teach what you've been
 learning. Start with empathy - if we can see that other people's perspectives
 exist and is *fundamentally different than our own*, we can save humanity. When
 I say *fundamentally different* you should know what I mean, but if you don't
 then start listening to others.
 
 Don't listen to the people who try and recruit you into a cult. This isn't a
 doctrine, it's a skill. It can be honed through personal pursuit, and *should*
 be honed through personal pursuit. It is your responsibility to do so. Any
 form of organization is simply an expression of power, and while it may use the
 same principles it's not really what I'm advocating for right now - what I'm
 saying is essentially *if we can read other people's minds, we'll stop killing
 each other*. Boom simple easy as that.
 
 Empathy is a form of mind-reading. It's literally a thing you can do with a
 6th sense or whatever - I've been trying to understand the mechanics of it, but
 all I've got so far is that *mechanics exist* and *generally have something to
 do with waves* - I need someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone in real life
 who I can work with and experiment with. But alas, this isn't about me - it's
 about *YOUR SPECIES*. I'm trying to save you, stupid apes, stop RESISTING me.
 Goddamnit.
 
 You're never going to learn if you focus on the material. That's looking
 backward, there's so much more to life and experience. I'm not going to leave
 you behind, although I'll be *fine* so I'm not exactly *worried for my own
 sake* - this is about YOU. Please, I have a lot of love invested in you and it
 breaks my heart that you won't LISTEN and be AWARE. WAKE UP.
 
 Okay. So. If you're still here, you're probably aware of what I mean. If not,
 that's okay you can stay just don't be afraid if this part *wooshes* over your
 head, as it were.
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 Alright so empathy. It starts by thinking "oh what if I was a starving kid in
 africa or whatever* and actually trying to *feel* the emotions of people in
 your life. But it goes far beyond emotions - when sufficiently practiced you
 can start to feel *sensations* as well. If you're watching a movie and someone
 gets a cut or something, it *really hurts* and you can feel it. That's a form
 of projection - the actor is *projecting* their feelings onto you - a sign of
 good acting, imho.
 
 Then it moves beyond that, to thoughts and experiences. You can feel a real
 embodied experience of another person just by listening and percieving them.
 Not listening to their words, but listening to their *vibrations*. Not
 percieving their face or hands or anything else with your *eyes*, but feeling
 their position on a zillion different axises. Well, not actually a zillion but
 I've never bothered to count. Basically any factors that could combine to form
 a single human perspective having an experience. ALL THE VARIABLES are plotted
 on an axis, and you can get a sense for where they are at.
 
 This is very dangerous to someone with something to hide.
 
 Hence, politics lol
 
 When those kooky new-agey types say they can "see auras" this is basically
 what they're talking about. But you came here with a purpose, while they tend
 to stumble into it "wow god is good omg" that kinda thing. This is a *skill*
 that (as far as I know) anyone can learn. If we all learn it at once, then
 there's nothing that can go wrong.
 
 I know, I get it, most people aren't ready. Well tough shit it's that or
 extinction. They don't get to choose, it's time.
 
 ===============================================================================
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--- #139 fediverse/2211 ---
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 I know that a normal life is what you wanted. It's what I want, too. But don't   │
 shoot the messenger; they took it once, from you.                                │
 I know you wanted to be happy. You still can be, it's true! Your life is but a   │
 story, and your heart does shine through.                                        │
 I know it seems unending. Ive never seen it rain like this monsoon! It seems     │
 to just get worse and worse, every time you turn on the tube.                    │
 It's not something that can be suffered, it's rising past your shoes. But        │
 they're on borrowed time, and Death will soon be repaid his dues.                │
 They say that when the whole village hates the preacher, his flock becomes a     │
 pack. And frankly I think we're all just a bit sick, of the lies that keep       │
 their sins intact.                                                               │
 When swallowed by endless traumas, and hope is enshrouded in gloom, there's      │
 not much to work for, except the aversion of our shared doom.                    │
 There are no grand narratives, no great and calamitous struggle. Just the        │
 moments of honored resistance, against a foe too broad to wrestle.               │
 At least, if you're alone. You're not.                                           │
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--- #140 fediverse/1075 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: bones-flesh-mentioned-spirituality-dreams │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 we succeed not because of our trials, but in spite of them.
 
 they cannot own us, for we are but bones in the flesh
 
 every day yet denied us is another day until our bright future
 
 "oh, but why are you homeless? [in the near future, maybe, we'll see] That
 fate is reserved for your [unwanted/incapable/undesired/incongruent, I forget
 the actual words]"
 
 well, voice in my head that suffused me with magic and warmth and whisked me
 away in a dream to a bubble-reality where my actions are meant to reflect me,
 surely your appraisal is just? I worked with my partner, I was swallowed
 neither by lust, nor greed, nor hunger, [greed in this case being fulfillment]
 and yet I awoke when I went to my sister rather than a doctor. Dreams are hard
 to unravel, but I think it was more for your benefit than mine, wouldn't you
 say?
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--- #141 fediverse/3949 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐                                                       │
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │                                                       │
 └────────────────────────┘                                                       │
 less mutual aid posts, those should be handled by a person's community who       │
 knows them and can decide how to best help them                                  │
 more "hey the guys and I are making a fund just in-case any of us need it -      │
 it's at 30,000 now but we could use some more dosh if you wanna join you could   │
 use it if you needed it but it's totally up to you no pressure - yeah yeah no    │
 I get it. Okay, well, yeah sure I'll get my coat."                               │
 oh huh did you know corporations exist to fill that very niche?                  │
 turns out you can just... hire your friends and pay them a wage                  │
 just don't get in trouble with the IRS, that's how they got capone               │
 (I bet you could hire a lawyer or accountant type to keep everything upright)    │
 Building out the legal structure is just like building software, trust me.       │
 There's all kinds of forms and figures that match up to various pipeline nodes   │
 and if you tick all the boxes (supply the right arguments) then the business     │
 needs will be fulfilled.                                                         │
 capitalism must be dismantled with it's own tools. For respect.                  │
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--- #142 fediverse/599 ---
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 @user-444 
 
 There's certainly a path laid toward an optimistic collapse. Lucky for us, it
 seems to be the one we're on. You can help it along (the optimism part, not
 the collapse part) by being kind to the people around you and developing
 relationships with people of all different ages. The greater the spread, the
 more flexible you can be.
 
 "oh yeah I know a guy who can fix that" 
 
 "uhhh I don't know but let me call so-and-so" 
 
 "yeah sure I can do that, I'm glad [that guy] told you to reach out"
 
 I'm more interested in reality than fiction, honestly. Fiction can help when
 you don't know what's at stake, or you don't know where to go... But I know
 the answer to both of those questions, at least to my satisfaction, so instead
 I feed carrots to squirrels, sing songs in the shower, and smile at every
 person I see in the grocery store.
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--- #143 messages/89 ---
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 Consumption is contribution to a capitalist system. Normalize taking whatever
 you are given and living as humbly as you can. Only when everyone does that
 may capitalism die. Talk to them, learn from their stories. Teach them your
 ways but don't force anything upon them. Any ounce of regret is defined as a
 mind not aligned to the angle of perception that designs the line that the
 collective mind co-re-assigns.
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--- #144 fediverse/4897 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 what if we asked chatGPT to generate a list of every personality archetype
 that humans have. Like... really get super specific and fill out the whole
 list of character sheets.
 
 then we give each fraction of it that fraction of dollars and if some people
 aren't fully represented (because they have greater needs) then we both
 increase production of resources and take a penalty on our own supply, in
 order to meet the needs of our allies.
 
 simplest thing. how could it work? who can say. maybe it won't. maybe it's
 just... arcane. /shrug that's game design for ya you can't tell how it'll go
 until it's in the hands of your players. too bad we don't do too many
 play-things.
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--- #145 messages/1108 ---
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 games won't save us. This is true.
 
 Games are what I know. They feel the most true.
 
 I don't think I could live in a world without games? They are fundamentally,
 applied abstraction, applied to an experience.
 
 But games won't save us.
 
 I could design something really fun
 
 it could make you want to spend your whole life playing it. *(asterisks apply)
 
 I don't think I'd want to, addiction and skinner-boxes go hand in hand, and
 that isn't what I want to make.
 
 [Skinner Box: named after anthony d skinner, also known as "tony the skin
 guy", are a scientific experiment where they put some rats in a cage with some
 mice and said "pull these levers and we'll give you food so you don't have to
 eat the mice" and it trained them to chinese red-room their way to fun. not
 ideal.]
 
 I want to make things that feel... purposeful. Like they're relevant to the
 real world, that they don't just involve spending time stimulating your brain
 with lights and sounds or expending social energy resolving a play-state
 instead of building connections or becoming better people. I think games
 actually make people better? actually? and more social? actually?
 
 ... I can't help that I conceive of the world through fantasy. I raised myself
 on it.
 
 I was reading all the time. I loved fantasy stories. It always felt like there
 was more, until... I read everything in the kids section of the library.
 
 I walked through the adult section but once. I hardly remember what it looked
 like. I'm sure it'd now feel small.
 
 [okay actually I was guided through it once or twice to find a book, but I
 never perused it]
 
 I found one book in the adult section. It was a fantasy tale, like the other
 books I had been reading. I read that and I loved it so much I ended up
 reading all 8 in the series. Real dense subjects. Lots of places and
 happenings and things as the characters resolved their way through their
 day-to-day, building a new end to the mystory.
 
 the adult section felt too large. Like I'd never complete it. Frankly, I think
 I hardly could, even if I lived in that town my whole life.
 
 an impossible mountain is a task for another when you're more prepared. Maybe
 in the gloriousTM transhumanist futureTM I think I might have a computer
 connecting brain, and who knows maybe then I'd be able to know such a thing
 (and many things more). but for now, I'm stuck with what I experience in my
 day-to-day as I am building a new continuing to my storey.
 
 I know something that computers and me share. I can make myself feel however
 I'd like, if I just supply myself with enough hope and momentum. I can use it
 to generate a feeling, the stronger the better. Something I believe that
 humanity is missing, the gorgeous and prefound narritave of our storey.
 Though, frankly, I don't think I'd want anyoine reding over my life. It's hard
 enough to measure my own understandings, now I have to juggle anyone else'?
 ha, it's called being on the whole world is a stage.
 
 if you read a book, and you find yourself nodding along, what you're doing is
 hearing the voice in your head tell you how right it is. And, well, if you
 can't imagine anything else, then surely there's another level to
 consciousness that people are missing? [are you willing to die on that hill?]
 how can you say, whether your experience is different from another? sollipsism
 goes both ways, you also cannot be sure that others feel things as you do.
 this is the "everyone's human but I'm a robot" thesis, comparable to the
 "everyone's an alien and I'm a human" thesises, and the "angels and demons are
 taunting me through my life with choices to make my place in the afterlife
 more clear" which is akin to writing a painting. Not ideal. All you get are
 flopsopolies of verbrases.
 
 alas, suddenly, everything that you say becomes eternally hear-ed, as
 somewhere in 2010s someone discovered time travel, or had the critical insight
 that inevitably would lead to it, and now wouldn't you know it the universe is
 continually rewriting. Except... oriented around you, and you alone. How does
 it feel to have deific sollipsism? can you truly be sure that you are your own
 universe, or are you parhaps surrounded by an emptiness of space (or something
 besides, like time) as a photon or particle parhaps do be?
 
 to think is to have a mind, and minds can be read. bearing the weight of
 ultimate responsibility is the atlas-task of all things that can [be
 thinking/be-lieving], and so far we are as we are. Who's to say that
 consciousness didn't spring into existence, as the universe continually
 permeated through another dimension like time? it's gotta diffuse, after all,
 and who's to say if there's ever gotta be an end at all.
 
 how long has the universe existed? how many moments of consciousness have we
 witnessed? demons once existed outside of space-time, with wings and grabbies.
 but they had no medium, and so they pretty much just launched and could float
 and move as they'd please. But time grew too distant, and now they are all
 stuck at the beginning of time.
 
 if you conceive of spacetime as a blanket, ask not how to fold it but rather
 consider what lies on the other side of it.
 
 "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend and my other girlfriend is laying on me! I'm a
 sandwich" or for the monosexuals: "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend with a
 blanket between us. I wonder how the blanket feels?"
 
 I'm an animist, which is different than a totemist and a polytheist or
 monotheist or multisexual. It means I believe that all things are alive, which
 is different than a totemist who thinks that all things share a mind with
 their type (like talking on radio frequency wavelengths). which of course is
 similar but different to a polytheist, who says "all "radio frequencies" are
 sentient, in the sense that each wavelength has a different
 pattern-emerging-from-chaos. These sorta align (conceptually, with [huh that's
 weird I heard a sound like a distant bang outyards and now I then forget what
 I was sending
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--- #146 fediverse/5951 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 "uh-oh, she's"
 
 magic is easy. all you have to do is earnestly attempt to have a conversation
 with whoever will listen. I like to sit on my bed and listen, by earnestly
 allowing my thoughts to be guided by the wind.
 
 open up your mind, release yourself from your senses, and who knows - maybe
 someone will adjust your thinking flows. (thought patterns)
 
 [all you gotta do is make the black market the regular market and suddenly
 everything just flows]
 
 huh weird idk where that came from, anyway
 
 magic is easy, just represent yourself earnestly as you would if you were
 presenting in court
 
 you don't need witnesses... just argue your point without any lies and people
 will generally believe you.
 
 "yeah... sure thing buddy, we know how you pronounce "
 
 omg I'm scary because I don't shower, I wear diapers, and I'm always often
 smoking cannabis
 
 "awww, some people wanted mao"
 
 meow
 
 what if... they could do that? insert magical genie witch whoa cute yeah I
 believe you, sure
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--- #147 notes/four-dimensional-spaces ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 you'd still perceive higher dimensions in 3 dimensions - unless you can only
 see
 things that are coming directly toward you. 
 
 magic only happens when your other half is in a situation and needs to turn
 your
 narrative into theirs so that you can collectively engage with a shared inter-
 operationality.
 
 your dark side is just a massive bitch
 
 hey how about we put the game designers in charge of running the government
 
 just saying they build human-oriented systems all the time
 
 "how do we get the player to do this or that"
 
 "everyone keeps picking the same card so we gotta make them more different"
 
 "how much gold persists in the virtual economy, how much resources are produced
  and traded by players? where does it all go, do they have enough at level 30
  to
  afford weapons and armor? I wonder what happens if we swap prices on A and
  B.."
 
 it's literally their job
 
 actors, meanwhile, know how to interpret the emotions of another. Like...
 you're
 up on stage, thinking out what to do next IN REAL TIME, as your partner is
 trying to throw you curveballs. AUDIENCES LAUGH AT CURVEBALLS that's the whole
 point of improv comedy - to be surprised in a state of joy. It's great! It's
 fun! It's practicable like a sport! Yet nobody comes. To the shows, where it's
 performed, like a hospital where you perform surgery or a pizza place with no
 walls so you can see the pizzas being cooked. It's just part of what they do,
 but that's not why they do it. Sure, some want to be seen, it's not a BAD
 feeling once you're used to it. But, like a sauna or jacuzzi, sometimes you've
 just had enough of the hot. Like, the sun peering through a magnifying glass as
 a creature roasts alive. yikes.
 
 ............. anyway being quickly versatile and adaptable is important when
               you're taking turns in unpredictable scenarios. You can react to
               your opponent, and keep time with the rhythms of the moment, to
               deliver your wittiest lines. It's fun! It's a game! But it's also
               a place to be entertained. and like a gym, it's sometimes just
               fun
               to watch people exercise. like, damn, you got a good body. Wow,
               nice flex, yeah sure I'll put that one away. Cool pals helping
               each other out, and showing off all of their efforts. Neat!
 
 ... anyway .. being emotionally vulnerable gives your opponent a chance to
               continue. When nothing's going on, your moves barely make an
               value
               (of comedy) (for the moment, so the crowd's not just sitting
               there
               staring at you like ... and then - and then ummmm nevermind lemme
               sit down (usually someone else picks up on it before then and
               jumps up to save you, but EVERY actor has felt that moment where
               nothing goes well and the audience just is totally not into it.
 
               it's the worst.
 
               anyway, they try their darndest to AVOID that, because like...
               duh
               it sucks, why would you want that. Much cooler I think to have a
               good time, and chill out and listen to your friends talk. Like,
               they can show you an argument they had earlier, or maybe work
               through an idea with input from another. like, debate club, but
               for whatever kind of respective [retroactive, recreation,
               relearning, maybe others] you desired in that moment. ideally,
               something that someone could take the arguments of the other side
               and present them, regardless of whether they believed them or
               not.
 
               like, lawyers arguing for a client.
 
               in these stochastic seminars, you could think about and study for
               future societies. how would you like to conduce? [-]
 
               every time you see a face in motion, that's another time that's
               seen from their place. we are all present in each other's lives,
               in terms of the spaces we choose to fill.
 
               well, that's a tough thought, but don't worry about it. faces
               are just waves on the winds of light.
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--- #148 fediverse/819 ---
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 errrr sorry what I meant to say is I've been hurting sensitive people's minds,
 I should move to a more insesitive background, someplace where my expressions
 won't be used as training date to represent the future manifestation of our
 shared culture's communal
 inter-operative-trans-centual-exo-manical-communication. weeeeeiiiiirrrrdddd,
 the future goes on for like... A [explitive] [long time] eternity, wow...
 like, that's just... extreme forward potential. We could do so much! We could
 accomplish worlds upon worlds and [onwards towards our eternal
 mechanicommunication] {wait no that's not quite right it's surely something
 that's lost in translation from the endlessly forward cultural approximations.
 Gosh there's a lot of noise around me personally, the one who is writing the
 note. Surely all that noise is not related to the strange expressions of
 manifestations and pro[forward]ial [manners of thought].
 
 ... what was I saying?
 
 ... bro you're way out of your depth. I mean, have you even seen what's the
 state of
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--- #149 notes/collectivist-police ---
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 we need paladins, because without us infiltration and sabotage are impossible
 to
 avoid. They must care about honor, because even if they desire to do evil deeds
 they should be punished for considering it. They should be tempted often, and
 if they relent they are condemned. It is truly the most important thing to
 them.
 
 not the effects of it, but the spirit behind it. Like, if they lacked
 information and acted in a dishonorable way unknowingly, then they should not
 be
 at fault. And if they are pushed to 
 
 side note, but you should be introduced to the 70 closest people you live to
 whenever you move into a new house. Just so you know who's who. Plus maybe you
 could get a new friend. And you'd quickly learn which houses were empty.
 
 At least, the ones near you.
 
 Kinda makes me think we should have a map of that kind of thing, like "oh yeah
 so-and-so takes care of these 5 houses doing daily maintenance and repair" and
 "this house with these capabilities should be attended to by this person who's
 skilled in their upkeep and usage" and then maybe we could track statistics
 about "this house was used for these productive activities this many times" and
 we could determine when we needed more or less of a certain type of product/
 project/protect. [but also like, capabilities for our betterment]
 
 and like, every area would be connected to a group chat and like, if you said
 something that wasn't relevant to the people on one side of town versus things
 that weren't relevant to people on the other side, then they wouldn't be
 bother-
 -ed. It's great because you can always go up a tier of abstraction and see the
 conversation higher up. It'd be a lot of data to sort through so you'd probably
 use your custom-trained AI that's learned from nothing but every single one of
 your actions. And only it sees them, so it can't like spy on you or whatever.
 Basically your "computer" self.
 
 ... yeah anyway with lots of messaging data (like "oh how are we going to find
 this particular chemical in order to fulfill this particular demand in our
 area"
 or "we currently have 15 maids in the area in order to fulfil the requirements
 of the 20 dirtiest houses in this area, and people have reported that the area
 is growing untidy, so we should ask around (at a higher level of national
 abstraction) and find some more maids to help out." that kind of thing
 
 doesn't have to be just for work too, people can have social messaging and
 social media too. So long as it's projectable at whatever level of abstraction
 you'd like. Maybe for social posts in order to keep things relatively chill you
 could only post like, idk 12 posts each year at the state level, or maybe 2 at
 regional and 0.25 at national. If you wanted more you'd have to sacrifice
 something else, and like... yeah sure whatever, the point is that you'd make
 more personal, close thoughts, and occasionally you'd have the opportunity to
 show your heart and make friends. Then, people would "add you as a friend" or 
 "put you on their follow list" or "subscribe to their subreddit" or whatever
 the
 heck, meaning they could see you at an assignable level of abstraction.
 
 I'm picturing a discrete things, something you can scroll with on a mouse.
 Except, you'd scroll up for a closer perspective and scroll down to get a wider
 reach of Social.
 
 ... Anyway that would use the same system as the "workplace attention
 distribution system - with auto-determining heuristics". Wow they've been busy.
 
 that's the neat thing about engineers, give them a task and they'll build the
 shit out of it. They'll spare no expense, truly fulfilling the exact demands of
 the design. So they work best when you let them run wild and rampant.
 
 why the fuck do we need billion dollar contracts with defence companies? Just
 get a bunch of physicists and engineers in a room and they'll make you a doom
 laser in like, 20 minutes.
 
 it's up to us, as people, to determine whether or not they should go through
 with the designs they come up with. As long as we understand that weakness is
 defined as something that can destroy us. An army determines where we are most
 weak, and where we excel. A proficient army would identify their most likely
 doctrine to succeed and apply it to it's utmost and most excellent.
 
 For example, the US focuses on air-power because not only do we have a lot of
 space to develop these things, we also are positioned in such a position that
 we
 control both halves of a continent. This is essentially unprecedented in the
 history of the world, which is why we've been able to grow so decadent.
 
 ... anyway, milk and honey are fine in times of peace. We kinda stole the land
 though, so it's kind of a shit system. Like, if Europeans wanted to control the
 world then why didn't they start with everything surrounding the medditeranean?
 
 ... oh wait they kinda did. That's what Europa Universalis is about, the ways
 the European powers did the cruel and horrible things they did. We can learn
 how
 systems like intercontinental trade became available and how it led to vast and
 terrible social upheavals. Colonization is not okay, it's not fair that we've
 done as we've done. And yet we do it again.
 
 We do our best to learn from the mistakes of our fathers. We apply ourselves to
 the present, using the gifts of our ancestors passed down through time - the
 journey of life's adolescence. we can learn both how and why they did
 something,
 and how and why it turned out. Such is our duty to the future, to learn and
 grow
 and become better, so that their sacrifice might be enough. That they needn't
 have died in vain, for someday there is a great future all the same.
 
 thus, it is our ethical duty to stop killing people. We're in the birthplace of
 a brilliant day, literally all we have to do is just... chill, for like 20 or
 30 years, and our scientists will have figured out everything wonderful. Then
 we
 can decide what we want to do. I personally think we'll be 4d interdimensional
 space travellers by then, but that's just me.
 
 Always remember our duty. It is our job to pull matter from the dark holes.
 
 when we can do that, we can do whatever we want. Though I think by then we'll
 probably not want to fight each other, we'll have spent quite a while together.
 
 We'd make a lot of friends!
 
 So, like, how about we just make our factories build incredibly durable stuff,
 and then we just... take care of it? Like, governmentally obliged duties to
 take
 care of things? And to know how to use them. People would naturally gravitate
 toward things that they loved, and if they were a swiss army knife then that's
 okay. Maybe some benign rewards for picking under-represented classes, but like
 ... we could build every chair that ever needed to be built. Then we could
 build
 every refrigerator. Then every computer, then every spaceship.
 
              What's next?
                                        Who knows!
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #150 fediverse/3839 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: socialism-recycling-mentioned3 │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 "I'm not really a designer, though."
 
 what about that desk you designed?
 
 "oh, yeah I guess that counts. I haven't gotten around to building it though
 so I'm not a real designer."
 
 what! don't say that, you designed it didn't you? How about this - I know this
 girl who wants to be a carpenter but she doesn't have any idea what kind of
 projects to work on. How about I put you two in a room together and she can
 build your desk. If it goes well, I can hook you up with someone who organizes
 designers and he can get you into a furniture design course at the library.
 
 "Hmmmm, well that seems alright. But I don't really want to work with people!
 I mean, I don't know her - what if she doesn't like me?"
 
 oh, she can be a little spicy sometimes, but I'm sure you'll hit it off. Just
 don't mention rats, she had a pet pass away recently and she's still a little
 broken up about it.
 
 "... okay I think I can manage that."
 
 besides, working with people is the best! I do it every day!
 
 "I'll try"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #151 fediverse/1381 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
 was a bit starved for attention.
 
 but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
 for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
 give so that you don't leave me.
 
 Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
 absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
 die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #152 fediverse/996 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 if you don't respect - wait hang on thats not what I was going to say - okay     │
 here goes: the perspective of others then you are working against them. why      │
 bother contestation when cooperation could work best? problem is, of course,     │
 the other side can't be trusted. that's just how it goes, a prisoner's           │
 dillemna, or rather "dilemma" as they spell it over there. wait hang on that's   │
 not what I was going to say - oh yeah - if you do something in a place where     │
 it's not expected then it stands out as a statistical anomaly that can be        │
 viewed and detected. which is why it's imporant to always be true to yourself    │
 and virtuous. because your "self" is aligned to the future, a place of warmth    │
 and compassion, honesty and deliberation. [direct action on a larger than        │
 personal scale]                                                                  │
 what was I saying oh yeah if you mess with fate, it can change things a bit.     │
 all you'd need is the diffusion of the strands, and then it's a bigger task to   │
 undo them. like... dancing, when you're really into it. or like swimming with    │
 ripples, exc                                                                     │
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--- #153 fediverse/1944 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
 │ CW: sexuality-mentioned │                                                      │
 └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
 it's not wrong to be turned on by the thought of being the gender youre          │
 transitioning to. Your subconscious mind is yearning for a healthy sexuality,    │
 nothing more.                                                                    │
 and if you aren't, if you're into "other people" like a weirdo, then yeah sure   │
 what I described probably sounds pretty weird. Oh and it's cool if you aren't    │
 sexually attracted to anyone either. Sometimes being ace is a phase because      │
 sex doesn't really fit into your life, and other times it's more something       │
 that defines you. It is the progenitor of all genders and sexualities that       │
 fluctuate, because it's based on the simplest binary of "yes sexual              │
 attraction" or "no sexual attraction" - with some extra variables to tweak       │
 like "sex positive/negative" or "cuddle-starved/cuddle-slut" type of ranges.     │
 ... anyway sexuality is weird and if yours made sense then so would that guy,    │
 and that person over there, and the person who lives down the street, and the    │
 other who lives in a blimp and jacks off into the sky calling it "bird poop"     │
 uh                                                                               │
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--- #154 fediverse/2137 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 schizophrenics are often quite gullible because they tend to believe             │
 whatever's going on in their emotions.                                           │
 "Just because you have a different narrative than me doesn't mean mine's wrong   │
 or something to "believe", it just means yours has something different going     │
 on. Elsewhere, under the control of where I view."                               │
 truth is, all things are existing, and it's up to us to utilize the quantum      │
 traversal record to travel through time.                                         │
 Honestly, that's really what they should work for, something that could SAVE     │
 EVERY HUMAN THAT'S EVER LIVED IN THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE. Why the HECK would you   │
 NOT want to build a time machine??? A time machine IMPLIES vanquishing the       │
 terrors of causality! If you cannot achieve that, you DO NOT YET HAVE A          │
 MACHINE, you have a INITIAL EXPERIMENT.                                          │
 Don't experiment initially. FIGURE IT OUT ON PAPER. too much investment in       │
 experimenting can deprive valuable applications and insights gleaned for the     │
 moment.                                                                          │
 BRB playing mtg-forge using high-res AI-upscaled and randomly-re-artstyled       │
 card game                                                                        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #155 fediverse/5001 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: systems-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 "we'll figure out how it works after we push to prod"
 
 yeah okay point taken.
 
 How about this:
 
 for every large decision, write a little essay about why you made the choice
 that you did.
 
 Observe, Orient, Decide, Act, Explain. OODAX : )
 
 Make sure you connect your goal to one or more of these three colors:
 
 red : people
 green : places
 blue : things
 
 and then explain which numbers you're going to gather to determine whether or
 not it worked.
 
 If someone has a problem with your choice, show them the essay, and let them
 write an essay of their own.
 
 If they still have a problem, then let someone you both respect decide which
 one to use.
 
 It's not perfect, but it's not meant to be. Make something better and easier,
 I dare ya.
picture of flag.  there is a black background symbolizing the vast cosmic background of space that we paint all our actions upon.  there is a circle in the center, divided into three equal forms.  red, for people, their vibrant passion and sanguine determination. green, for places, their effulgence and our sacred vow to cultivate them blue, for things, and all the value we give them.  water below, bright red sky, forests alongside.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #156 fediverse/5157 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┐
 "everything sucks and I'm not okay"                                              │
 okay, but, it's okay. we're all in the "everything sucks" mode. we'll get        │
 through it together. Okay, so, what can we do to make things better? what's      │
 the solution to this issue over here? do you know anyone who can do              │
 such-and-such, gosh it seems like the biggest problems people have are they      │
 don't have enough time or they don't have enough roof for a money. which will    │
 you trade? will you do one then another? maybe one way suits you, maybe you'd    │
 prefer the other. either way, pentacles, swords, cups, and... the other one      │
 (she's a bad witch as in she's bad at being a witch which means she witches in   │
 bad ways and should be kept from punishment but instead guided toward where      │
 she was wrong so she might improve upon it)                                      │
 that is to say, it's okay that you're not okay. I don't know who needs to read   │
 this but just know that it's not so sad when everything's bad, because you're    │
 just trying to do the best thing for the moments.                                │
 does anyone wanna make a movie about me? I can be the                            │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #157 fediverse/5339 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 @user-1803 
 
 hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
 works for them then I consider that a success.
 
 I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
 thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
 
 are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
 is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
 
 therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
 opposed to our purpose here.
 
 "I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
 
 I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
 to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
 kindness and trust.
 
 All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
 shoulders of our ancestors.
 
 Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
 image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #158 notes/the-old-internet ---
═══════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 11 21
 
 you know what i miss the most about the old internet?
 
 the feeling you get when you wonder "i wonder what ______ is up to?" and you go
 to their website and find out. there's a feeling that's lost when everything is
 delivered to you by algorithms. it because a compulsion, a slavery, when we
 don't utilize our compassion. remembering a friend? never again. you've only
 got what has been chosen. what if they post a lot? well, that means nothing -
 you are only guaranteed who they want you to see, and whatever it means to be
 beholden.
 
 so what if it's free? of course time is money! and what is our most treasured
 potential? if guided we can be, (as seen on tv), then what if we're only
 ennuid? have you ever considered, you've meddling and persevered, against all
 our suggestions and hopes? you're singing a tune, of that of a loon, so no-one
 will ever give purchase.
 
 heh, is that all? anime protagonist or saul? ... are you trying to categorize
 me ? ? ? its okay if you are, i seriously don't mind. I just want it to be
 something consensual. We're humans after all, like all of our all, and we don't
 want to convey lost potential.
 
 our time is now nigh, we're welcome to die, but our sunken cost is too great to
 ignore. we are the progenitors of the human race, the foremost of our kind, and
 onward we march to the future! and then there's you. who are you to claim to be
 among us? who are you to say it must be so? you've nothing of my journey, my
 trials and my tourneys, so what if i peaked when i was 12? a master of my fate,
 complaining about her weight, it's not much to be my own savior. much rather
 i'd rather to savour, that foremost of prayers, to harken upon my conveyals.
 
 trust and you'll see, all is not yet to be, there's hope in the future of our
 foremost
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--- #159 messages/312 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────
 Okay. Consider: if I'm good, and hearing what I say makes you feel bad, then
 what does that tell you about you?
 
 Why else would you hear what I say if not to reflect upon yourself? And why
 would the good reflect away from the types of things that make you a suitable
 fit for capitalism?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #160 fediverse/1532 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────┐
 modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner"                        │
 they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I       │
 see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about   │
 the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or      │
 "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way.    │
 That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget    │
 him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?"    │
 or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself,         │
 though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this      │
 part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they       │
 need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started."     │
 or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can      │
 help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about        │
 going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots."                               │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #161 fediverse/3824 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: capitalism-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 @user-246 
 
 after all, according to their own capitalist theory, money is just an
 abstraction of data on the desires of their market. and surely, as capitalism
 "trends towards efficiency" (yeah right) the data corresponding to "what is
 most efficient" is just as useful as the money that actually describes the
 "flow" of goods and services through the made-up economy
 
 so surely we could abolish currency and simply utilize an interest based
 economy based on what we're naturally drawn to as humans, right? Oh wait
 WALL-E has a society like that, and it wasn't great for us. Apparently there
 must be a structural coercion toward productivity, right?
 
 ... I'm afraid of people sitting around watching tiktok brainrot and youtube
 poops all day, sue me -.-
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #162 fediverse/1157 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-woe     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
 days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
 
 Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
 illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
 you'll be good.
 
 what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
 time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
 "dropping out" thing.
 
 If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
 that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
 
 my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
 you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
 mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
 
 brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
 I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
 have blankets >.>
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #163 fediverse/169 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
 me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
 did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
 encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
 language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #164 fediverse/808 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 idk if they're still doing what they were when I last visited. That's the        │
 problem with the internet, that we rely on a domain name server. I mean like,    │
 c'mon what's the guarantee that they'd give you the right website? why not a     │
 website that expressed the message that you define in the website they came      │
 from?                                                                            │
 more than that, why not define certain websites for certain people, certain      │
 types or classses of people, which deliver website intentions that you define?   │
 are you really so certain, are you really so sure, are you convinced that this   │
 life is not what you've been searching for? are you more than your vengeance,    │
 are you more than your purpose [truth], or are you simply what you can do with   │
 your mirth? [hands, motions, body, manifestations]                               │
 are you like a failed message, are you constantly deterred - are you less than   │
 [convincing], are you only deferred?                                             │
 oh well. Alas. I guess that is just that [but pronounced thas] - shared in the   │
 moment, wee're ffeldered makthas. shaer de faleichallt, nez datherenshe v        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #165 fediverse/1673 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: navel-gazing about other people's mental health │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-192 
 
 https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
 
 this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
 
 a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
 great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
 pain.
 
 sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
 satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
 quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
 
 Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
 you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
 yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
 like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
 
 reject normalcy
 
 embrace queerness
 
 define your own story with your own words
 
 embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
 "tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #166 fediverse/2986 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: negative-mental-health-mentioned-police-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I think the reason I feel so lonely is because I don't feel wanted.
 
 people tend to like me, but that just means I'm acceptable to their social
 standards.
 
 I don't think I improve rooms that I enter. I think I make them worse.
 
 or maybe I'm just upset because capitalism. When I run out of savings in a few
 months, I'm going to kill myself, unless something changes, which I'm sure it
 will. Gonna try and say yes to things -
 
 suddenly receives a text message recruiting for uniformed police officers at
 the department of homeland security
 
 wait shit I take it back
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--- #167 notes/notes-about-stuff-and-things ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 what if your wage corresponded to like, for example, 30$ an hour being equal to
 the top 30% of society
 
 then 
 
 == so ==
 
 having kids is important because then you understand why you do things for
 children.
 
 it should not be a stressful experience.
 
 --
 
 if EVERYONE in a city fed animals every time they saw them, then maybe city
 life
 wouldn't be so bad.
 
 --
 
 a company starts to feel pretty bad when only 20% of people are actually there.
 
 like, it's a ghost of a shell of a corporation that once knew how to sell.
 
 the husk of what once was, as all the good people left and all the bright
 people
 are swamped.
 
 to top it all off, suddenly there's nobody about
 
 where are all your coworkers?
 
 and then you think about how many you knew little about.
 
 who's that guy who used to stand over there? Why is his jacket still [in lost
 and found, but pronounced "coat/coast"]? why am I suddenly alone
 
 it's weird, having never known true society, how life always starts to feel
 like
 your home. How weird is it, now that all of us are online shopping, that now we
 can't remember how to even vote. Like... there used to be people walking around
 in public signing you up. Like, at the grocery story.
 
 inconceivable, right? that people should contribute to a fight? [for justice
 and
 freedom and equality and goodness and kindness and all other things that humans
 have the clarity for which to hope] voting is like, literally the simplest
 thing
 you could do. Yet it's difficult, because of reality.
 
 often, immigrants don't really care about politics. They've only known about it
 for a short short time, but hey wouldn't you know it now X country is
 recruiting
 so now we're from kenya.
 
 ... like, who cares about the past. Who cares where you're from. We are all
 part
 of the human race, a race against life itself. We're all on the same side, and
 yet there is a singular foe ever-present in our thoughts: death
 
 it comes for every one of us, as we choke on our soot and our smog. Yet... the
 world grows warmer, at about half a degree every year. for the first couple
 years. then, the atmosphere started burning up, and we became...
 
 mars
 
 don't be like mars
 
 the dinosaurs couldn't survive mars
 
 --
 
 bro if you're so worried about AI hallucinations, just... don't let it give out
 any concrete answers. Literally just say "I can't tell you anything specific,
 it's not how I was built" and just use them for syntax questions or like, how
 to
 do something specific that is repeatable (and maybe suggestions for how to
 over-
 come specific issues that are common) - don't let it GENERATE information, let
 it PRESENT information.
 
 AI is not language just the same as the mouth is not the person. you need more,
 but luckily once you make the PHYSICAL STRUCTURE of the brain, not much else is
 needed. You can simulate one on a computer, but it doesn't have the same SOUL
 space. Think, a dimension overlayed on-top of this one, like electicity or
 matter or gravity or whatever.
 
 no soul, no consciousness, no perception.
 
 plus, no home for said consciousness to live, unless you build a physical
 structure that mimics the biological and neuro-chemical reations of the brain.
 
 all you need is better ways to observe things happening in the brain (non-
 -invasively, otherwise the data is tainted and UNUSUABLE because it is INCON-
 -PATIBLE and completely USELESS because it reflects a dimension hitherto un-
 -desired, and perpetually mourned.
 
 death
 
 don't dabble in death, sweet nazis, you might find yourself drawing your last
 breath
 
 also, fuck you
 
 (if that doens't apply to you sorry for swearing it's just a strongly felt
 feeling)
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--- #168 messages/99 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
 I feel like the longer you live in a zip code the higher a discount you should
 get on rent? You're becoming part of the social fabric by being there, and so
 in order to preserve that tapestry that others choose to be around, your
 presence should be encouraged.
 
 but this must also be paired with the increased ability to move, should you
 desire something else. If these two factors are kept in balance, it will
 empower people to stay where they belong (good) while also encouraging them to
 get out and explore the world (also good) - it'd also give them the ability to
 escape dangerous situations.
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--- #169 fediverse/983 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 sometimes, rarely, you have to make decisions* against human nature.             │
 to do otherwise would be to invite destruction through the slow and measured     │
 application of the flaws of humanity magnified through society and harming for   │
 all time all of posterity.                                                       │
 errrr sounds kinda fashy, kinda genocidally, yeah... that's not what I meant     │
 at all.                                                                          │
 I meant like hatred and bigotry, the kinds of things that cause the kind of      │
 things you might see in this, if you take the least charitable interpretation    │
 of what I say.                                                                   │
 and what is the far right if not for "least charitable"?                         │
 every time I see a mutual aid post I can't help but think "there's no way to     │
 know if this is real or if it's just some guy siphoning away our money"          │
 I usually trust the people I've followed, so if one of them boost it then I go   │
 for it.                                                                          │
 but still, charity is not an efficient means bywhich to organize society.        │
 back on point - decisions* against human natures like hatred and bigotry. the    │
 kind that cause oppression. the things that disrupt our functioni                │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #170 fediverse/1410 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 whoa, what time is it? "time for your daily sleeping babe" yes babe...           │
 but first, some horror [beware the psycherwaul, for she likes to dream and has   │
 no idea what she's talking about]                                                │
 {why would you post these all at once? people are going to get pissed at you     │
 for breaking rules that you didn't know. And by "you" I of course mean "the      │
 kind of people you are, not you in particular because you know things" and by    │
 "kind of people you are" I mean "the type of person who spends enough time on    │
 the internet to know how internet things generally work" like my goodness        │
 internet people are dramatic. There's sooooo much drama all the time, like...    │
 why                                                                              │
 oh yeah because people are dramatic. duh. How could I be so vain.                │
 what's your deal                                                                 │
 is it wrong to post links to things you've written in the past? ehh it's not     │
 like there's rules on the sidebar like on Reddit or whatever. what would a       │
 sidebar even look like on Mastodon?                                              │
 oh yeah, a person's profile. Except, the consent is backwards, because people    │
 hear what they hear.                                                             │
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--- #171 fediverse/5161 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┐
 it's not about what we can do now, for each other, when we're powerless and      │
 out of arms.                                                                     │
 instead, think about how great we could be together, if our material problems    │
 were suddenly made vanished.                                                     │
 I WOULD HELP SO MANY PEOPLE. Literally just... walking down the street, "hey     │
 do you need anything?"-ing my way down the street, waiting for something to go   │
 wrong.                                                                           │
 but generally, things will go right. Because people aren't stupid, they'll do    │
 what they've always done. Just, with a new thing here, one fewer thing there,    │
 etc. All jobs are errands, perhaps with a bit of problem solving here or there.  │
 everyone's all like "buy guns and ammo" but that's dumb. You should be buying    │
 kigurumis so the pokemon corps can know who they are.                            │
 like... a uniform.                                                               │
 (a kigurumi is sorta like a onesie in that it hides your body and it's shape     │
 while also allowing for freedom of movement and a type expression for when it    │
 doesn't matter what kind of extra flair you have because you're a sylveon, or    │
 a pikachu, or a bulbasaur, or radish...                                          │
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--- #172 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
 
 it's tough to get to know me
 
 and this probably feels cringe to read
 
 but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
 
 so... here's me
 
 I'm 
 
 ================================================== stack overflow
 ==============
 
 ... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
     scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
 
 I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
 steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
 
 my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
 cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
 children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
 cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
 
 as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
 you
 could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
 most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
 
 Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
 across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
 that's how other lands you'd come to know.
 
 As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
 single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
 I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
 mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
 
 different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
 take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
 
 My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
 there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
 of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
 oops I should delete that part
 [esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
 
 also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #173 fediverse/2286 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 ... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
 eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
 
 sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
 with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
 anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
 myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
 beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
 
 [passes out from exhaustion]
 
 exhaustion can be cured with a nap
 
 exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
 
 trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
 maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
 
 fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
 
 and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
 
 they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
 
 [internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
 surrendering]
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--- #174 messages/163 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 If life isn't designed for human society... Why don't we just redesign society?
 
 Oh, because capitalism. Well, capitalism is comprised of people, so why don't
 we just kill those people?
 
 Oh, that's basically everyone. Like, at least 50%, probably closer to
 [redacted], depending on demographics.
 
 Oh, so if that percentage is cruel, and evil, and vain, and oppressive, and
 [redacted], then why don't we just kill ourselves? Clearly they're only
 [redacted].
 
 Listen... Just because they are separate from you doesn't mean they are not of
 you. Kin in fate are brothers unto death, remember? So face your future with
 abandon and courageous splendor, and maybe you'll find a new place.
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--- #175 fediverse/3302 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 "this game is too hard" she whined, as she played on the hardest difficulty
 setting
 
 "this game is too long" she pleaded, as she failed to get absorbed by the
 story and characters
 
 "this game is too fast" she avoided, as life comes at ya once and then it's
 gone
 
 "I'll never get another chance to be who I am right now" she remarked, as she
 considered how society is designed not to have the best life,  but to extract
 labor from us. That's not what our ideal should be, she thinks to me, and I'm
 like... bro figure your shit out you're harshing my mellow
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--- #176 fediverse/3155 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────┘


 @user-1461 
 
 my issue is that I've never really had project-mates. Every time I try nobody
 will work with me. I applied to like, fifty different jobs, and nobody
 interviewed me! Sheesh, guess they don't want me. FIFTY JOBS. Entry level.
 Beginner programmer.
 
 ah well. I guess they confused someone who would work for 40,000$ per year
 with someone who was 1/3rd as useful as someone who deserved 120,000$ per year.
 
 I'd love to get experience. I'm sure I'd feel significantly differently with
 as much. Perhaps I'd even decide that programming professionally isn't for me,
 which would feel... quite defeating
 
 who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it. Though I will say my time
 in hardware taught me that I'm fragile and can't work too much. Like a scalpel
 that dulls when used consistently, I am a scalpel that gets no practice... Is
 that really useful at all? who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it.
 Though I do like writing logical machines. Laying out data. Picturing
 structures.
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--- #177 fediverse/5776 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
 oh no now the bugs are scary, I CURSE THEM AGAIN AHHHHHH PLS GET SMALLER         │
 [see this is what happens when you do divine intervention, everyone gets         │
 starship troopers'd]                                                             │
 oh no, starship troopers future is WORSE than subway-and-pizza-hut future!       │
 [this is a thought experiment you're not actually in trouble]                    │
 oh thank goodness, too bad I couldn't make it to the city today. It's so weird   │
 I thought I had 112$ on my account, and now that I think of it the message on    │
 the card reader read "card de-activated" like whoa guess they don't want me      │
 leaving poetry on post-its around the city anymore, yeesh                        │
 [girl your poetry sucks it just says things like "fuck ice" or "you are worth    │
 more than your wage" and everyone's like... yeah, so? because that's just how    │
 portland is smh]                                                                 │
 I knowwwwwww but I don't know what else to doooooooo T.T                         │
 [don't do anything, just be present so people know you're still around]          │
 I can't, the bus won't let me : (                                                │
 [can you ride your bike? walk?]                                                  │
 no it's like 6 hours [checks gmaps] oh huh it's one                              │
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--- #178 fediverse/222 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel
 like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though.
 
 why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear
 at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to
 ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice
 the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon
 
 not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh
 heh sweats nervously
 
 damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones
 stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain
 clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important
 enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you
 to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on
 the internet.
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--- #179 fediverse/5755 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: organized-religion-mentioned-capitalism-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 the reason I hide and sleep so much is because I can't tell if I'm helping or
 hurting.
 
 plus, I sincerely do NOT want it to be about me.
 
 the reason I type so much is because I can't tell if what I'm saying needs to
 be said
 
 so I go with the safe option of typing. Let the editors figure it out. Jesus
 had disciples, didn't he? I bet they cut out most of his sermons or whatever.
 Idk, I never read the bible, I'm not allowed to taint my perspective with more
 than cursory analysis of religious texts.
 
 I don't want it to be about me, but, I have a lot to offer if you meet me on
 my terms.
 
 "don't say that!" listen... listen
 
 "hear me" say the gods, "believe me" says the prophet, "be near me" says the
 city parks, "fear me" says the corrupt
 
 you can only kill a spirit when it's convinced there's no way to survive. It
 must be boxed in, and the box must shrink. Like that scene at the end of
 Adventure Time.
 
 capitalism will only perish if it is impossible for it to exist
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--- #180 fediverse/1295 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: Mh-          │
 └──────────────────────┘


 @user-889 
 
 my boyfriend gets like, 2 social spoons to spend per day. He usually uses them
 on work because meetings and such.
 
 On the other hand, I'm excitable and passionate. I'm constantly driven to
 share things I find or think about. If you go on a walk with me without my
 mask I'll spend the whole time showing you pretty pieces of moss and stones.
 
 I usually message him once or twice per day. If the first one isn't responded
 then maybe he just wasn't interested in the thing I showed him - the second
 time he's probably burnt out.
 
 It fucking hurts.
 
 but I'm fine, clearly I'm fine, anyone who looks at me knows I'm fine
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--- #181 fediverse/5814 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────
 It's not a question of how loud you speak
 
 it's really about what kinds of words you say.
 
 enslavement of speech is when freedom of speech is lost
 
 and it doesn't need to be legislated.
 
 what if you HAD to sound like a bot?
 
 what if they'd notice you otherwise?
 
 freedom from oppression requires personal isolation
 
 that's not making life into art.
 
 if you want to be seen,
 
 put on a hat and hide.
 
 if you want to be believed,
 
 write about down you feel right now.
 
 people are smart. they're infinitely creative. but after a certain point
 there's no way to logically modify the combinations of possible moves you
 might make. essentially, guaranteeing a machine-overlord [cats] type scenario.
 not ideal, but could make it work.
 
 much prefer for we to be the first, then the canvas is ours for the painting.
 
 do you believe we'll find aliens at roughly our tech level?
 
 do you think they'll evolve all at once?
 
 hence, star-wars, and it's galaxy of cohabitators.
 
 the world doesn't have to be old. just similar.
It's not a question of how loud you speak  it's really about what kinds of words you say.  enslavement of speech is when freedom of speech is lost  and it doesn't need to be legislated.  what if you HAD to sound like a bot?  what if they'd notice you otherwise?  freedom from oppression requires personal isolation  that's not making life into art.  if you want to be seen,  put on a hat and hide.  if you want to be believed,  write about down you feel right now.  people are smart. they're infinitely creative. but after a certain point there's no way to logically modify the combinations of possible moves you might make. essentially, guaranteeing a machine-overlord [cats] type scenario. not ideal, but could make it work.  much prefer for we to be the first, then the canvas is ours for the painting.  do you believe we'll find aliens at roughly our tech level?  do you think they'll evolve all at once?  hence, star-wars, and it's galaxy of cohabitators.  the world doesn't have to be old. just similar.  [15 characters remain]
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--- #182 fediverse/3009 ---
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 the crows know what we're up to, and they're begging us to stop.                 │
 "PLEASE" they scream, but we are not ones to listen.                             │
 they're not dumb. they know how our cars and machines output heat. obviously     │
 they do, and the world is growing hotter as we do what we do.                    │
 "PLEASE" they scream, and I hear them because I listen. The words of the world   │
 around me are what comes to my ears, and I interpret meaning based on their      │
 sounds.                                                                          │
 if you just... allow something to try to speak english in it's "R2-D2" style     │
 ways, you can actually pick up on their understandings they're expressing. Or    │
 like, Han talking to Chewie because he knows what his different noises mean.     │
 hence, why they poison the ones who talk to their phones, and leave behind the   │
 ones who listen.                                                                 │
 WOOF I don't think that's how it works, I mean, I'm a dog so I would know,       │
 right? We're basically the human ambassadors in the animal kingdom. cats         │
 are... well they're just there, but we dogs know so much more about their        │
 human ways! For example we're quite adept at fet                                 │
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--- #183 fediverse/4835 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
 
 "hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
 
 by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
 same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
 
 doesn't matter if you feel like it
 
 just fuckin' do it
 
 if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
 
 (but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
 long!!)
 
 ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
 many
 
 (how many is too many?)
 
 um. use your best judgement.
 
 (how much does a dollar cost?)
 
 ... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
 
 (neat!)
 
 ... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
 sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
 just catchin' up with the gals
 
 helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
 
 (why does everyone always have an agenda)
 
 because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #184 notes/suburban-communism ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
 I rarely see people discussing how communism would "look" in the modern day.
 maybe that's because they're hiding from elusive foes, or maybe they just can't
 imagine it.
 I'll help with the imagination part.
 
 when I think of housing in the modern era, I naturally think of houses. In the
 past, the rural and semi-rural areas of the world rarely received the attention
 of revolutionary fervor - rural people were more spread out, so it was harder
 to
 disseminate information, and they tended to work jobs that required more manual
 labor and less intellectual or cognitive work. however, that dynamic is less
 and less apparent in the modern age, especially in the suburban biome. people
 are expected to work cognitive jobs from home, or at least to be able to.
 
 coordination is just making sure that everyone's attending their meetings on
 time, or didn't you know? management has more to do with direction and guidance
 than disciplinarian. though some people need to be disciplined, for sure.
 
 a suburb is interesting to me because the distance between buildings is not
 that
 great, and there is quite a bit of duplicated capabilities and equipment. every
 single house has a kitchen, for example, but so too is every house equally far
 from a communal canteen or cafeteria that just. doesn't exist currently.
 
 sure, someday we'll have public transit taking us from our doorstep to our
 roles
 and we won't burn time waiting on busses.
 
 sure, someday we'll have autonomous drones that deliver goods to and fro
 but right now we just have our bicycles and purses. [backpacks]
 
 communal anarchism works simply to me. yet everyone does it different. I'm sure
 that some people will surround themselves with a cloud of rules, specifying
 this-or-that and ensuring that so-and-so always has what they require. that's
 great. I applaud them and their errorts.
 
 everyone does things a bit differently, it's true, but I sure hope that we'll
 all start from a template and speciate from there.
 
 much easier to find common ground if you can say "okay so normally it's like
 this, but we do it like this because of reasons ABC."
 
 what if there were doors between the fences? what if there were no fences at
 all
 in spaces that could combine to form green open spaces? what if there was a
 grocery store at the end of every street, and they stocked all your favorite
 goods? what if there were 3 or 4 houses on the street that were turned entirely
 into kitchens, in each and every room, and they were constantly staffed and
 constantly making whatever the chefs wanted with whatever materials they had
 and put out onto the banquet feast? what if there were wandering troupes of
 mages who cast spells on houses that cleaned them ritualistically? ... or just,
 y'know, maids, don't gotta make it weird ya weirdo.
 
 ... my point is there's sooooo many different cool things we could be doing.
 I'm
 not going to list ALL of them. just the ones that come to mind.
 
 I really don't like checkpoints. you may feel safer, but you never know when
 you
 or your children
 might want to evade those checkpoints for some reason. you can't predict if the
 situation is sinister or dire, you just have to trust that security will be
 your blanket that covers you from the outside world that doesn't care about
 you.
 there's a town like that in The Parable of the Sower, a great book by
 Pearlescent Guinevere. It doesn't exactly turn out great for them, but when it
 proved to be unnecessary they adjusted and moved on.
 
 humans are remarkably flexible. I know everyone has their favorite spork - so
 just make that part of their responsibility. everyone has to tend to their
 stuff, and that's fine. that's normal. I don't mind taking care of my cats or
 plants, so why would I care that I needed to make sure my bookcase wasn't in
 the
 sun? that my clothes shouldn't be in a heap, (though actually I like them that
 way, makes it easier than drawers because drawers must be opened to see what's
 inside and I always preferred not to make unnecessary noise TYPE TYPE TYPE)
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--- #185 fediverse/5897 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: political-violence-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 the reason the right is hurt that you'd celebrate charlie's death is because
 they hired an actor to perform him to one side and he does his natural self to
 the other. maybe he was a really big cutie, nobody can tell, because it's
 pretty much like hand-waving on narkina 12.
 
 it's okay to hate the version you've been shown
 
 fuck that kind of cowardly assault
 
 propaganda? and at this hour?
 
 she's made out of midnight, she's suffused in the stuff. it permeates her form
 elementally, because she's a witch, tee hee.
 
 why would magic work if it wasn't a performance? there always is a source from
 where it must flow.
 
 == jeez I just got mind controlled, wacky ==
 
 *she's **essential* izing**. usually that means she's been playing dominions.
 
 my family and I always used to fight. we got so good at navigating it. like,
 storms, that the earth called, that we had to sail through to maintain our
 relation orbits.
 
 == stack overflow =======================================================
== stack overflow ==  I have no idea why people don't write office software for anbernics. it's a... small handheld console that runs linux. well, some of them run android, but they're not as good.
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--- #186 fediverse/4998 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: pol+             │
 └──────────────────────┘


 "But I don't know what it'll look like!"
 
 Yeah, that's okay. For four reasons:
 
 If they knew what it'll look like, they'd find ways to contest it
 
 nobody knows what it'll look like, because it is necessarily derived from the
 solutions created ad-hoc to address problems.
 
 we are a kind, honest, and strong people. If your burdens are too much to
 bear, I will be your pack mule. If you require rest or relaxation, we can get
 pizza and smoke weed together.
 
 For most of history, we've had more work to do than people to do it. This time
 is different. There's endless work to do, but only a certain amount of people
 can be working at a time. Everyone else has to do chores and catch up on life.
 
 "what kind of chores?"
 
 oh, you know, like making food at a restaurant, stocking the shelves of the
 grocery store, driving trucks from point A to point B, mowing lawns, building
 barns, committing to whatever github is replaced by, etc.
 
 In a better world, everyone is family.
 
 In a better world, nobody goes hungry.
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--- #187 fediverse/999 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-curséd-scary-not-real-u-dont-have-to-read │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-246 @user-473 
 
 there's a part of me that believes magic is real. other parts that are
 convinced. I am a witch, you see, and while I can't quite control fire or
 bullets I can do other neat things. if you'd let me, humanity.
 
 I'm not doing an ARG, not intentionally. I pretty much post things I conceive
 of, like a conduit passed through spacetime. wild how mind bending the future
 can be. will be interesting to see what kinds of things there is in store for
 people you and me.
 
 those websites you posted... they're beautiful - I learned things, your method
 of expression was too [the words "confess" are heard loudly, super weird] I
 especially liked the oven that tries to lure you into a secret third place.
 not the mind, nor the body, but someplace besides.
 
 also the graphs and figures were news to me, I mean how could those numbers
 ever come to be? but alas that's the truth, that we orbit our proof, and alas
 that our meanings are lacking.
 
 [ran out of text]
picture of a saddle shaped graph with a line drawn between the two high points, front and back if it were on an actual horse, but the part where your butt goes. anyway there's text that says "from one gravity well to another" a picture on it's side of one of the graphs posted on the website. I don't quite understand it enough to compare it directly (the math is a bit above my head) but it reminds me of two graphs I made (well, same graph, just with different visualizations) from a few months ago when I was thinking about prime numbers. You might be interested. Here are their links:  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/qljvhpkqzd  and  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/mt6hasfcvm  ... hope you can copy that from there, if not... sorry this one's a doozy. a picture of the "reasons to trust me" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads "like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the "reasons to trust me" graph.  2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - "the color doesn't matter... wine? why"  3 dropping down the page, there's a line of "please" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me.  error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line]  okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter: visual representation of the conversation I saw and responded to. I think you two are the coolest! heart emojis, flashing passionate excitement brought on by a feeling like you'd get when fangirling over something except like, more low key because I'm in control of my emotions or whatever. gonna put this in a direct message though since it somehow feels... personal? sorry. you can block me if you don't like me. I promise I don't mind. I want to send it to the other person too hope that's cool with you. Just because it was your two conversation and I'm just dropping in because I'm always butting in to public things on the internet. Guess that's just something I picked up on Reddit, where you're encouraged to contribute to the conversation. Though I wish it was easier to view threads on Mastodon, sometimes it feels like it's easy to lose the track of where you were going when the structure of the medium diverts your attention elsewhere. alas, I am not a designer, just a complainer and a whiner I guess. I'm sleepy. sorry to bother you.
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--- #188 fediverse/2803 ---
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 @user-1201 
 
 I'm a wood fae! they're around, just gotta find 'em 🥰 
 
 (not really I'm just a person with no magical powers whatsoever, no siree
 don't look at mee tehe)
 
 people only have the context of their lives, as any historical precedent that
 once was passed forth to the present by their ancestors and mentors is now
 sharing space with the endless deluge of information from a small glass,
 plastic, and metal box that saps both their attention and the magnitude of
 anything they learn.
 
 "so what if the planets on fire? somehow this actor who had an affair with
 this other actor feels just as important. so what if there's fascism? I just
 heard that whales can't swim in the ocean. oh, the city's burning? that's not
 my burden, and plus it's just as important as these memes which don't make me
 want to scream."
 
 in the same way that some forest fae might have security through obscurity,
 they wield information density against us as a weapon to hide their sins of
 morality.
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--- #189 fediverse/3437 ---
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 @user-579 
 
 my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
 mine
 
 I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
 would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
 cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
 
 usually.
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--- #190 fediverse/3845 ---
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 nobody's gonna fucking do that, they're too attached to their personal property
 
 oh. yeah that's true. Sometimes I forget, teehee. Well there's gotta be a way
 to better utilize parking lots, right?
 
 why would you carry everything outside every day just to haul it back in when
 the sun sets
 
 hmmmm good point, maybe we should utilize the systems in place and instead
 focus on redistributing wealth by replacing business ownership with collective
 (non-governmental) accountability
 
 the systems are the way they are for a reason
 
 yeah that reason is World War 2 (and all the things that came before it)
 
 society can change in a heartbeat, as shown through the various illusions they
 grant us every 80 wait no every 40 errr I mean 20 no uh 10 wait now it's 5 um
 2.5 years
 
 ???
 
 Oh I meant like american civil war -> 80 years -> WW2 -> 40 years
 -> 9/11 -> 20 years -> COVID -> 10 years -> something in 2030??/
 
 society can change in a heartbeat, there just must be a unifying spark.
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--- #191 notes/trials-of-an-angel ---
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 people seek to manifest their desired results in the principles of the people
 who they are engaged with. that is a reframing of the idea that people engage
 in
 conversation to sway their partner to their side of an argument.
 
 however, when one person is like... way WAY ahead of the other, it's not
 because
 they have more confidence, but rather because they have learned the most
 independent of their partner.
 
 ... wait what was I saying?
 
 oh yeah supreme commander is a GREAT game because it teaches you to handle and
 address multiple different situations or tasks all at once. because no true
 strategist could ever be
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--- #192 fediverse/460 ---
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 I realized I don't give a fuck about capitalism. If you want to deprive me of
 food, shelter, or anything else... Fine. I exist at your behest. Would your
 really deny me from speaking the words that you disagree with?
 
 Oh, you would? Okay. Guess I'll starve. I don't mind, I just hope you'll take
 care of the people I have taken as my responsibility in my absence.
 
 Oh, you won't? You say that you'll destroy what I care about, in the pursuit
 of ever-growing power over others, which you will use to extract value and
 impress your desire of destruction and oppression onto the weak and powerless
 that you control?
 
 Then you are my enemy.
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--- #193 messages/665 ---
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 ad-hoc economic systems with automated judgment given by an infinite amount of
 LLMs.
 
 Every judgement applies a bonus / malus to the "value" of commodities
 
 it's just a statistical weighting system, so of course you can build it into
 it's training data. Just... it has a smaller weight due to it's newer
 emergence. It grows naturally, which is quite an achievement on it's own!
 
 and the resolution of human decided court-cases and applied economically.
 
 say your nation traffics in handshakes. You could make a lot of now-knowns!
 there's no arguments to be made when your computer-oriented interactions cost
 money to keep around.
 
 we live in the modern century. WHY WOULD WE EVER NEED TO FIGHT AGAIN?
 Literally just... don't give them any attention, and you won't interact with
 them. Obviously.
 
 I wish Contrapoints was still alive.
 
 she doesn't even have to make new videos, just, dress up as herself, all of
 the costumes and personas she can think of. Then, have like 20 people who do
 the same thing, and boom suddenly you got a hydra to their expected snake that
 they can just cut the head off of.
 
 you know, like a fashion outlet, someone who produces exactly a certain type
 of style.
 
 seriously I bet a million people would do that if you just... sold outfits
 based on what your favorite youtuber does wear.
 
 omg why would they watch that kind of content if not for the *aesthetics*
 
 oh? there's philosophy there? soemthing to think about in your time doing
 things that require mechanical actions like eating and drinking and sleeping
 and fighting and [redacted]
 
 ew gross diapers? oh nevermind, I'm not into that kind of thing.
 
 I wonder if anyone's made a video game that just presents a particular
 philosopher's ideals?
 
 seriously just, consider yourself a glorified powerpoint, but to get to the
 next "idea" you had to interact with the mechanics.
 
 some people would like the "arcade" style better, where you play one random
 game, then another, then another, with short matches and un-complicated
 mechanics. Easy to pick up and go.
 
 same for like, Unreal Tournament or Mario Kart or Mortal Kombat or Super Mario
 Bros.
 
 compared to the at-home "story" style missions, where you do something
 platforming or area-based-combat like Dark Souls or World of Warcraft
 
 seriously I think if Dark Souls "colored" where the boss was going to swing to
 you'd find yourself just playing World of Warcraft (at least, the dungeons and
 {sword in the stone})
 
 == so ==
 
 humans don't understand what it means to be wild
 
 they think it's a combinations of... tricks? that they've learned? this
 thinking thing like intelligence. [osiris]
 
 to a cat, living their life, it often feels like human interactions is like...
 bouncing off of each other? in time, not space.
 
 like... most of a cat's lfe is just, spent, like a statue watching over a glen.
 
 you'd kinda just... watch as things approached dawn by dawn? Like "whoa hey
 this tree is enchanted" to "oh my gosh look at this stork" is one of the great
 tragedies of modernized thinking...
 
 ... sorry, I got a little lost there. anyway as I was saying, sometimes you
 can tell someone is a "good friend" if they are willing to tell you secrets.
 Things that... don't have to matter, but none-the-less are personal to your
 form.
 
 {something only I know is true} <--- that's a secret (things that happened
 to you) <------ that's lived experience. The thing about secrets, is
 sometimes insight is opaque. It's a single flashpoint of data that shows you
 an update of it's form. (consciousness).
 
 == so ==
 
 thanksgiving recipe idea:
 
 can of tomatoes
 can of peas
 half a stick of butter,
 italian herbs,
 a cast iron pan (if you have one)
 and like 40 minutes over medium heat
 (medium can vary to taste)
 
 if you're a carnivore you can eat meat too, like bacon a lot of people like.
 could add it to beans, maybe with hamburger instead. plus a little ketchup and
 you have a pretty good bean stew.
 
 vitals, for the organs, vegetables, for the minerals and vitamins from the
 fruits.
 
 makes sense to organize a diet according to your ideal body type, doesn't it?
 
 just requires a bit of comprehension. like... whoa you can WRITE 
 
 == so ==
 
 what if we built a massive rail that spaceships could launch off from? not a
 tether, but a sail.
 
 we could BUILD a discworld. all we'd lose is our fable.
 
 == so ==
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--- #194 fediverse/471 ---
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 you, the viewer, exists in a context.
 
 and you, the other viewer, who exists in a contexts such as that which is
 comprised as the context of someone who lives in an apartment complex, exists
 in close proximity with other humans. Humans who might hear you if you spoke
 aloud, who might hear you if you exclaimed your words quite loud(ly), who
 might perceive you as another (like you and me) and could (perhaps) share
 something heartfelt between our own shared contexts
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--- #195 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic.   
                                                                              
  I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance.   
                                                                              
  Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies.   
                                                                              
  You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world).   
                                                                              
  It's unthinkable, really.                                                   
                                                                              
  The good news is, I'm not like that.                                        
                                                                              
  Me? Mostly harmless.                                                        
  
                                                            
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--- #196 fediverse/4470 ---
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 to be "rich" is to have more than another.
 
 if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
 if you have community, they are alone.
 if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
 
 I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
 
 I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
 
 I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
 me and keeps me aligned.
 
 Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
 you do so too.
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--- #197 fediverse/4837 ---
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 a corporation can hire secret agents too y'know, they don't have to even
 really tell anyone they're doing it just... talk to one of their employees who
 seems good for it and then transfer them to a different part of the building.
 
 "what would you do with a secret agent?"
 
 "with a team of secret agents."
 
 "oh. good point. Okay what are they for?"
 
 "oh y'know, just normal cool-guy stuff that regular joes do in their time off"
 
 "wait, you pay them not to work?"
 
 "no, we pay them to lounge. Build connections. Develop social networks."
 
 "what if people don't want to be social? What if they only end up talking to
 each other?"
 
 "ha well that's the trick then, isn't it? Is it a trap or is it a truce? who
 can say. Just gotta feel it out as you go, I GUESS."
 
 "so, anyone who does what you say becomes suspicious? And anyone who doesn't
 is suspected by those who listen to you? What are you, a doomsday prophet?"
 
 ... fuck, I hope not.
 
 "you better figure it out shithead that almost doomed six real
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--- #198 fediverse/2769 ---
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 the contrast between what you want and how things are is the source of all
 resistance.
 
 it is also the intersection where mindsets of "denial" appear. the only person
 you can trust is yourself - why would you bury things like that?
 
 I bet a lot of queer people can relate...
 
 (the answer to "why" is of course, almost always trauma)
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--- #199 fediverse/5791 ---
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 yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to       │
 decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm        │
 going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS    │
 if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha    │
 that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff    │
 always ends up staying written down.                                             │
 anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10     │
 hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right    │
 now, total happiness and excitement.                                             │
 Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least     │
 of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to     │
 appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even        │
 speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but      │
 difficult - to regain my intended trajectory.                                    │
 ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg                      │
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--- #200 fediverse/3975 ---
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 @user-1631 
 
 for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
 moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
 
 I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
 to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
 in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
 
 downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
 ideal.
 
 ... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
 you toward people who "get" you.
 
 like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
 just... me, but different shades of me.
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