=== ANCHOR POEM === ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────── maybe it's just my middle-class childhood privilege talking, but now that I'm an adult I just can't really be bothered with dealing with capitalism. like... I get it, you're coercing me into laboring on your behalf because you possess the violent power to take away everything that I own. good for you, don't care. seriously, fuck off "we're gonna cut off your power in 5 days oooooo you gotta pay rent with money you don't have because nobody will give it to you unless you do things for them oooooo" how rude. why can't people do things for me instead? why does it have to be for you, and you alone, capitalism? what's your problem? do you get off on controlling the power supply? I mean, I get it, coercive power is a hell of a drug, the riddle of steel and flesh and all that, but haven't you ever heard that the dichotomy between "civilization and barbarism" is the exact same as the contrast between "cooperation and competition"? work with me here, just find a way to get through the next month or two. trust. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/5205 --- ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┐ ║ ┌──────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: capitalism-mentioned │ │ ║ └──────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ whenever I talk to capitalists (who actually have money and aren't larping │ ║ wage slaves) they always tell me that the best way to address the concerns I │ ║ have with capitalism is to make a million or more dollars by making a company, │ ║ and then using that million dollars to buy houses for people I care about. │ ║ │ ║ I ask "what about the rest of the people, the ones I don't know?" │ ║ │ ║ their response typically boils down to "if you don't know them, then why │ ║ should you care? fuck 'em" │ ║ │ ║ It's never about hope or change. They want to change the world to make it │ ║ cooler, not kinder. generally. │ ║ │ ║ bonus: "if you like unions so much, why don't you join one?" my guy, unions │ ║ WERE great when they wielded power. Now they are bureaucratic and listless, │ ║ serving only to sedate the working class enough that they stop complaining and │ ║ get back to work. They are functionally a part of the enslavement system, a │ ║ built-in course correction mechanism to ensure capitalism remains solvent when │ ║ the powerful overstep their humanity. │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────┴──────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/460 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────── I realized I don't give a fuck about capitalism. If you want to deprive me of food, shelter, or anything else... Fine. I exist at your behest. Would your really deny me from speaking the words that you disagree with? Oh, you would? Okay. Guess I'll starve. I don't mind, I just hope you'll take care of the people I have taken as my responsibility in my absence. Oh, you won't? You say that you'll destroy what I care about, in the pursuit of ever-growing power over others, which you will use to extract value and impress your desire of destruction and oppression onto the weak and powerless that you control? Then you are my enemy. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #3 messages/1017 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────── if you wrote a report about me, it would total about 800 pages. including my artwork [in full] and my designs. about 5 or 6 hundred of this is my personal creation, and another hundred or more are context. "I was here at this particular moment." "then she started visiting last year." "where were you on the firth of morember?" "okay back here it sad iyadiyadiyign, and over here it says kasuwenulvine. so clearly inbetween there's a moment of extancancy." "and all that's we really know, because she burned up all of the rest." "what a jerk. we all should hate her." "I think she was clearly divine" "what's her big deal, anyway?" "I hate this bitch and her hatmlet." "everything's fine, she's actually kind" "nobody believes you where were you when you were this part talking about it?" "I wasn't there, and it took a while for me to hair." "well, anyway, that's all there is to say about her, so anyway, goodbye" then it just fuckin' ends and everyone hates it because it's like... where's the payoff, where's the beginning and all it is is just me, whining miserably to my own ears, as if marcus aurelius's meditations were intended to be heard, but never were, and so the ones who ensured they never were were all like "yeah he wrote them to himself, here see this part that I changed" and then it's like nothing every happens with it, the radicals are dispatched (again), by uncommen sense seeming common. why are there so few trans men at workers tap it's such a cool place. "oh, they get offended easily because it's their culture so like, make sure you are very careful about the way that you phrase your speech" "trans girls are like that too, but it's more about changing the character of the place. -> "oh, you see musicians? okay that makes sense." and "gee you sure like magic huh okay well pat pat" and, well, no-ones sure for which is real but nobody really cares? because if only one person saw it... then only one person saw it. if you explicitely tell people NOT to talk about it, then they *FUCKIN' WON'T* duh obviously. and so, of course, predictably, they can be excised from society quite easily. cutting a border around all of their host. suddenly, socially outcast and ostracized, as they have been sorted into the cultural box. at that point, there's nothing that can change their inertia, their fundamental will and whim toward the feelings of the host. " I think passwords should be audio-digital in addition to alpha-numerical *yeah who cares* awwww but I liked having science be mythical "hate that" it's easy to always be learning, just... think about what you want most. then, think about how it breaks down into separate incorporate wholes. each layer of abstraction adding to a bit more of a more coherent explanation, and bit by bit you learn and have a mind designed. how else could you see magic? how else could it be yours? do you want power, or do you want power? if you write down what you learn, you make it permanent. *the gods need religion too, are you going to give them one? what lies above?* ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────┘ --- #4 fediverse/1950 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns, or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/4566 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────┐ │ CW: politics-mentioned │ └────────────────────────┘ I want modern society without capitalism. Most people do, which is why no matter how awesome our proto-post-capitalistic anarchic socialist paradise is, there's always going to be people who want to go to work and watch TV. call me fucking crazy but they should be allowed to live as they please? So what if they're beguiled, so what if they are deceived? We can take our time to show them how much better things can be, but also... they like modern society as it is, and so I reckon someone should fight for them to be able to live as they please. Just... without billionaires and endless layers of bullshit micro-managerial jobs and paperwork pushing bureaucratic whatever time wasting jobs. modern society without capitalism can look like plain old capitalism, just without the oppression. Without the coercion. all I'm saying is that nobody's gonna fight for a healthcare CEO because they're scum. They're scum because they oppress. oops politics-mentioned brb I personally want communes + love ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/3891 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── "no, you're the opposite of a yes-man, AKA a gatekeeper. I don't know how else to explain mentally disabled and barely keeping it together to you, but frankly if you want to take away my house or my weed then why would I do what you say? ... oh right, the state's monopoly on violence [can compel me to do what you say]. Sure seems like a "well regulated militia" is supposed to be a counterweight to that monopoly, to prevent people from harassing and exploiting and destroying. Too bad any "militias" I can think of tend to want me dead. like, seriously, if you live in America, you implicitely trust that your army will be able to protect you from the right-wing bozos who spend all their time drinking and shooting in the woods. Otherwise, if they couldn't / wouldn't, then why wouldn't or couldn't the right wing bozos just decide to wreck everything in spite of our past? We were a proud people once before, and we may be again. If only we fight at the last. [ever since I fell off my bike my body feels strange] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/5486 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursing-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ "ew but they're dirty" oh yeah true okay new plan how much do you think it'll cost to buy a hotel [this is why the socialists invented buy-in] "I don't think socialists did that??" buy in, hmmmm, what's that? oh yeah it's when you say "hey what if we X'd" and they said "yes I agree with you because you present a reasonable estimate on reality" {uh hi I just got a message from "some-nowhere" here ya go: "oh my god she's fuckig instane} [ugh cursing-mentioned, that means there's fewer characters to transmote.] [no because then I'd run out of steam and it'd be incomplete. Plus sometimes I like the distraction of a reasonable limitation.] (okay, but are YOU worth it?) leave her alone she's working her charms, this is how witches d-do. "so, isn't the point to give yourselves the coverage of a location transmutation? so, wouldn't you want to find someone alike and share their life?" what is even the point, why even bother, just give them ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/4544 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursing-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ I can't cancel my internet because I use it to work, which almost pays enough to cover rent, and nothing else. It's hard to avoid spiraling when you run out of money. Every time this happens to me I start feeling things like... am I good for society? Society doesn't want me, clearly, because I don't have any money. And currency is how you measure demand, right? It's literally a measure of value. But then I think of all the homeless and poor people and, like... I value them, so what if they don't have dollars? It's literally just paper. Or bits in a mainframe that nobody knows how to program anymore. So if they're valuable at least to me, yet me, with my 67$ in the bank and 127$ internet fee, is not valuable to me... Then what's the discrepancy? I'm not trying to be hard on myself, it's not my fault that I bleed money, but I still feel terrible. It's like a common cultural persuasion, if you run outta cash you better kill yourself fast. Fuck that. Oops cursing mentioned, one s ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘ --- #9 notes/to-lock-eyes --- ═══════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────── =============================================================================== = to lock eyes with a person while on your way to work is the intersection between two separate relationships - the relationship that you, the viewer, holds with your employer, and the relationship that they, the viewed, holds with their employer. in a sense, you are exchanging information through the weighted meanings behind a glance. =============================================================================== = if the military deployed to police the police, we'd solve most of our racial justice issues. I mean, if we somehow could *force* them to do their damn jobs instead of oppressing people for the ruling class, then 90% of the problems would just go away. After that it's just freeing unjust prisoners and addressing wealth, education, and health disparities. Easy, right? Well... Military policing the police sounds fine when you first think about it, there's a few problems that might crop up. For example, how do the private citizens know that the military presence is there to help them? It's an interesting paranoia, one that is endemic within the left. There's no way to unwillingly cede control of your life to another - it must be consensual. At the basest and most violent level, it's as simple as "I will do what you say because I don't want you to hurt me." We've obviously grown as a species, and we've learned that violence is not the answer to all problems. Obviously. So why would we assume it of the past? Just saying. The police bombed a commune. The military escorted black students to their seats. Their structure is decided such that ... where was I? oh right I was thinking about time. ... Imagine, if you will, an impossibly large hourglass. Spinning, or rather rotating, at an impossibly speedy repetition. It's spinning so hard and so fast that our matter is cast out of place and through time it is cast an eternity's canvas our light ever shined (shine-did?) astral magic is kinda neat it's also the scariest? oh by far but it's the most interesting ... Their structure is decided such that discipline and obediance is the most important thing. Because it kind of is? I mean, discipline is just being ready able and willing at all times, and obedience is just when you allow yourself to be directed toward a collective goal. The military is *all about that*, which means you know they would believe they were aligned toward the common goal of mutual prosperity. And if they were to discover that they were not, in fact, aligned toward the common goal of mutual prosperity, then perhaps they would adjust their navi- -computers and chart a more reasoned path. I know I would, and I would dedicate myself to the idea of serving others. To the path of the righteous, the holy and the true, a hand is outstretched and calling to you. Thus, the one of two types of ethical fighter - the reasoned and adaptable zealot the other, of course, is the master of the martial - the cherished of the few - who battle for their sport - and love unbidden the new - all other fighters, of absurdity and of rage, are frankly of a different kind and not members of our clade. =============================================================================== = okay, but what about like... all of the history of America post cold war? And even before, honestly... idk seems like a lot of evidence that the military is engaged in fighting unjust wars. I mean, they've all been over petty things like oil or support for communism or whatever. Aren't human lives and human sovereignty more important than that? I understand what you're saying. Human lives are unique and precious and they are a valuable commodity. Something to be maximized and focused toward. But there are only so many resources on earth. We need to utilize them in a reasonable way. We have optimized the efficiency out of our production and distribution networks. Corporate control has eroded our capacities until all that is left is the weakest of products, the cheapest of uses, and the useless of workers. I mean, they've optimized the skill out of individual human workers such that they are left completely unable to practice their craft. They become glorified code monkeys who generate whatever is required and think of it no more. There's no pleasure in the artifice, as their masters have eyes only of gold. Our world is changing. The very ground beneath our feet is shivering, and water is rising up to our noses. There's no time for debate, no honest appraisal of what's worth it to contemplate, we need a plan. We are trapped here, in this gravity well, for all time and all of our age. We are trapped here, because in greatest of misery we unleashed all of our rage. We are trapped here, as ghosts of the time when we were eager. =============================================================================== = Alas, with but a glance, we are confined to our bedrooms by our mast(ers?) They say America will fall without it's 2nd place Perhaps. But are libraries really going to solve that? I mean, if work from home is inevitable, then wouldn't it make sense to build? We need more places where we won't be billed. Safe. From the demands and expectations of capital. Deranged and obscene and yet all that we've seen so why not bide as we're able? I think solarpunk is kinda neat. I think it's got promise as an idealized. Why don't we build churches to the sun? If we're gonna worship something, might as well be the source of our light and fire. Well... when you puff up the sun it tends to get hotter. I mean, every fire you burn increases the temperature, every release of gaseous fumes from the exhaust pipe of your car increases it by some miniscule amount. Every cigarette, every campfire. The cold darkness of space is kinda hopeful, in that regard, even if it doesn't disperse all that well. I heard spaceships are having difficulty because they can't get rid of all that heat. It just stays with the spaceship and never goes anywhere because it doesn't have anything to stick to. Kinda makes me think that energy is a fluid? Just saying??? I mean c'mon it's not like nobody has ever thought of that. But it's in a different dimension! It's not like we're ever gonna be able to impact that! You try and impact it through your scientific ways and you'll find nothing but heartache at the life you could have lived (laived? Haived?) ... why Because you cannot impact another dimension. You must call to it, like a song to a sparrow. ... that's fucking ridiculous No it's true! ... ... Don't try it with fire. ... fuck - what do I try it with? I don't know just not fire. Try water. ... How do I make sure it doesn't instantiate within my hand? Jeez you think of some crazy backfires! Just breathe and go for it. It's not rocket science. It actually works. Fuck you. ... ... Sorry I was just scared ... ... How do I make it stop? I don't want it to go forever By smoking more of the devils lettuce. ... ... You cannot drag it part of the way. It must come the whole way. In fact you should not be dragging it at all, you should be *calling* to it. You are equals in this exchange, have respect. =============================================================================== = ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #10 fediverse/462 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────── I don't care about capitalism. You know what's more interesting than bringing value to shareholders? How I'm going to clean this floor that I drunkenly spilled beer upon with only 2 paper towels and 0.1ml of bleach. How I'm going to feed the 36 people who are coming to this social event tomorrow that I've only sorta planned for and that I have enough groceries for, but am not quite sure how to cook everything in a way that is delicious and accessible. how I'm going to climb this mountain on only 2 eggs and a tiny bowl of hashbrowns even though I promised my friend I'd be strong and that we'd reach the top because that way we'd be able to ============= stack overflow ===== ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/4559 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: politics-mentioned-violence-mentioned │ └───────────────────────────────────────────┘ "grrrrr I'm so mad, I could just, I dunno, shoot a CEO as he's leaving a hotel" or, hear me out, or you could connect with your local radical networks and, or, almost there, or you could build solidarity with the people around you to better develop methods of resisting the kinds of change they will implement to, um, "discourage" people from "being so mad they could just" or both. both is good. not that I'm encouraging, recommending, or inciting that kind of violence. don't notice me three-letter senpai uwu ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/488 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┐ ║ [in response] │ ║ │ ║ you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such │ ║ realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who │ ║ you claim to speak toward - what a jerk! │ ║ │ ║ (in response) │ ║ │ ║ how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements. │ ║ I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but │ ║ those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you │ ║ agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the │ ║ audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the │ ║ author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do │ ║ you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of │ ║ words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely │ ║ (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most │ ║ precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible │ ║ hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/3981 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── "oh I'd never fall for capitalist propaganda" "do you mean marketing?" "yeah that" "they're not marketing to you, they're going for your kids. Trying to normalize things about culture." "like... what McDonalds tastes like?" "just like that" [like can you imagine if you tested attraction ratings on any other animal than humans] [it'd be so weird like "cats tend to like scratching posts" but then also "we have no idea what kind of scratching post is the best for their claws or the environment or the economy or our spirituality or our technology or artistry we only know which one cats like more" like bro who cares like obviously advertisements rot your brain, but like... why are you so pissed about that when the last election like, ever, is taking place in a month "yeah listen, when has an election ever seriously changed your quality of life? It's just showbiznez" "this time is different because [insert minority] is at risk." oh, right, it only matters when people are in harm's way, how silly ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/3986 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────── "oh I'd never fall for capitalist propaganda" "do you mean marketing?" "yeah that" "they're not marketing to you, they're going for your kids. Trying to normalize things about culture." "like... what McDonalds tastes like?" "just like that" [like can you imagine if you tested attraction ratings on any other animal than humans] [it'd be so weird like "cats tend to like scratching posts" but then also "we have no idea what kind of scratching post is the best for their claws or the environment or the economy or our spirituality or our technology or artistry we only know which one cats like more" like bro who cares like obviously advertisements rot your brain, but like... why are you so pissed about that when the last election like, ever, is taking place in a month "yeah listen, when has an election ever seriously changed your quality of life? It's just showbiznez" "this time is different because [insert minority] is at risk." oh, right, it only matters when people are in harm's way, how silly ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/2173 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────┐ │ CW: cursing-mentioned │ └───────────────────────┘ bro I get that you're tired and burnt out but like, why the fuck do you care about anything else [oh shit cursing mentioned better put a content warning because people can't handle things] [I say this with affection because we're on the same side] [also it's rude, sorry] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/4736 --- ╔══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┐ ║ ┌───────────────────────────┐ │ ║ │ CW: uspol-cursing-mention │ │ ║ └───────────────────────────┘ │ ║ │ ║ │ ║ well. it's all theatre folks. all the politics, all the turmoil, all the │ ║ strife... it's just people fucking around. │ ║ │ ║ They're gonna find out real soon. You don't fuck with tyranny here, it's our │ ║ mythological enemy. AND YET. │ ║ │ ║ Find the crucial intersection where all your foes foes meet. Strike them there. │ ║ │ ║ "thank god for Luigi Marscapone, he really showed us all exactly what we share │ ║ - a hatred for profit focused healthcare. oh and asshole billionaires, which │ ║ this guy who I personally have never heard of I heard was." │ ║ │ ║ crucial intersection. You know what people also intersect at? │ ║ │ ║ EATING FOOD. │ ║ CLEAN WATER. │ ║ something something rfk brain worms │ ║ something something elon musk propaganda │ ║ SANCTIFIED NATURAL AREAS. │ ║ THE FUCKING POST OFFICE. │ ║ │ ║ seriously just... go down the list. We share more than we disagree, and we │ ║ disagree on what they tell us. │ ║ │ ║ it's all theatre. Wait this is America, it's all theater. │ ║ │ ║ ... I should make some hope and sell it for dimes on the street corner. I │ ║ wonder if that'll help. │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┴──────────┘ --- #17 notes/words-to-myself --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────── =============================================================================== = I'm just going to transcribe what I hear please don't you hear me (something) what? perfect listen ... ... don't text me now? (I think?) [didn't catch that] ... that's okay perfect thank you just a second facebook he's here (I think?) (or maybe something her) what I love you (or maybe I know her?) do you hear me? (or "just a second") (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever, please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe) what's that (or maybe holy shit) what, then perfect or okay (?) (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned) yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda... worthless I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something, but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course, in life there's no second chances. I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz will continue after the break, when the messages resume. - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024 =============================================================================== = (and we're back. hopefully.) (too many things srry) something about having it open? (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me) (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the [whole/right/wrong] thing) thank you oh, again? (or oh, she did?) they caught you (um) ... (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.) (I understand.) ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.) (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game) (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back) ... (I should learn Toki Pona) you don't know it? RIGHT away learn it yes please learn it just Learn it right now (sorry only half listening) shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$) (shutdown) =============================================================================== = (hiii) (I'm hungry) (do you like ramen?) (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't understand the first part) (oh you probably want me to scroll up right) ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?) ... (I'm (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends? Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?) yes, stupid (your words not mine) (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk) goddamnit remember me ... (trying...) remember her (two syllables) (my name is Cameron) (your name is...) [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see] (shit my opsec sucks) {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean) {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-) (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't enter a door) =============================================================================== = (I practice with my sword every day.) (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it) (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.) (punching is fucking stupid) (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword) =============================================================================== = (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me") "she's perfect" "cameron" "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing") (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled) don't leave remember (did she know) ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?) did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america just a random thought (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?) goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?) wait who's missing? A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in disarray capitalism's a bad plan, just saying... frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter (taking a break while I eat) =============================================================================== = WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what exactly I'm supposed to be doing. you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the window's open. errrr the connection. ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best. yeah I'll live with you in portland .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl" have the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol "please come back" to where tho listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon ..... can you be more specific? yeah I made that one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it. maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt. ..... fuck it's a long book >.> =============================================================================== = found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz down . A B C D E | F G H I J | L M N O P V Q R S T U then right ---> V W X Y Z so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal G like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess) (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me) =============================================================================== = oh hey nice to see ya what's up wait what I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself I do a lot of laundry in the shower I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important" things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-) ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 notes/programming-wow-chat --- ══════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────── I realized the type of programming I want to do is different from the kind that is used at a job or something. Basically I want to create solutions to problems, not memorize documentation and know where to know what you need to know. Like, the more time spent looking at documentation the less time is spent programming. I think if we could use a ChatGPT style bot to write documentation, we could massively increase the time spent working on solving problems and as little time as possible on reading through lists of functions or wondering how something worked. Idk in the technology industry you've always been rewarded for being able to pick up new skills quickly, and I think that's good to optimize for but not the only requirement for being a good programmer. You also need to be able to apply solutions and know when to use which tools. Basically, capitalism has optimized us to be ================ stack overflow ================================================ srry for the interruption, I ram out of memory. I had a plan in mind for where I was going for that, so I bet I could figure it out again if necessary. Meaning a path forward from that point exists... I never want you to despair when I forget what I was thinking, it's not because you've understood some cosmic mistake or because you're abandoning timelines that led to your death, it's because instead you just ran out of memory while thinking. The reason you would believe any of those wild scenarios is because your memory has been erased. Only what was actively thinking, not short term, not long term, but *working term* memory. As in, your cache. The stuff you're currently thinking about. That stuff. Yeah that's what makes you think "oh hang on why am I forgetting? Well clearly it's because of something grand, because the thought was so profound - no it's just examining your emotions... Like, how strongly do you feel about something? Buuuuuut it's also good to examine all possibilities. I mean what if, in some far off realm, there's a mirror image of yourself that behaves exactly as you do? How would you perceive such a realm? Positively, I'd say. I mean why not work together? Why not celebrate our differences and strive toward our own shared future? Idk, I think diversity is our strength. We can rely on each other because we are accurately aware of each other's strengths and virtues. People should not be judged by the standard of others, no more than you should judge a fish for it's ability to fly. Some may do, as flying fish will leap from the water - and salmon spend time airborne in river rapids. Hence, grizzly bear fishing. I guess what I'm getting at is it's okay sometimes to oscillate, to think one thing then think another. You shouldn't adhere to structural standards that are too strict - they should be liberating, as a ladder is a structure. Not villifying, as a prison is a structure. The laws of our society should be open and free, not buried beneath years of legal expertise. Some things we can all agree on, where we disagree we cannot have law. It's unjust to judge others by the standards not of their whims, as laws should be things that uphold us. This is clearer nowhere but in the, spirit and intention of the, documents that we cherish in our hearts. Like for example, the constitution. the bible. each of which delivered us from certain evils. Can you not see their trajectory? the historical precedent set in antiquity? Why not continue their dream, of driving us away from the obscene, and toward our bright and vast future? I speak of course of true liberation, something our forefathers could only dream of. We, humanity, have reached out and touched the stars. We are braver and bolder because of our shared dedication - the desire to uplift and to excel. To learn and discover and \ \ | \______. ---. --. ---. ===============|==========|========================|======= stack|overflow ===== .___________. _____. / . | / .---------------- / Discover our shared dedication | / to uplift / and to excel / \ / .-----------. =============================================================================== = why doesn't someone write a wrapper around assembly in like, lua or something =============================================================================== = omg you stupid bitch that's what a compiler is 4head =============================================================================== = if people who live in jungles and deserts can get along, then what's to stop people who are liberal and conservative from doing the same? It's literally pointless to argue. Like, you're not changing anyone's mind. So why not just... let them be themselves? Like, why are you so intent on oppressing people? @both sides there btw... Seriously why not agree to only make laws for things that both sides agree on. Write it into the constitution that nothing can be changed about the law unless both sides agree. Then we'd only implement things that are good for both sides! And if there's anything you want to build a legal structure around, you can always try it out in your state. BUT and that comes with a very big BUT, the federal government MUST have final say in the legality of anything you do. They must ALL respect human rights, INCLUDING the human right to dignity. Things like trans bathroom bills DO NOT respect the dignity of trans people. IF they can prove that trans people do not actually exist (because say they killed them all or whatever) then GUESS WHAT everyone would agree on them. BUT if they do that they are EVIL. LIterally evil. And I guess that makes trans people good? Kinda? I think they can choose for themselves to be good or evil, just the same as any other person. AND YET they are prosecuted, throughout time and history, and for what? What purpose could there be in our demonization? Clearly, nothing but pain inflicted by a cruel host. After all, minorities are guests in the houses of the un-oppressed, or is that not fair to say? Seriously, what gives? America, the land of freedom, holds (somehow) the largest of prisons? America, the land of plenty, yet how many millions of children are starving? America, the leader of the free world, yet how plausible does it seem that an election was stolen? Something's gone wrong, and it's just obvious what it is - of course, the other side. *them*, the rapists and pedophiles and murderers and... you get the picture. The demonized class. And when you tell people "hey that trans person touched a kid" then yeah they're gonna see you as evil people. Duh... Thanks, media. Thanks culture. Really doing me a solid here. Oof ouch owwie. can I have some help please? I'm really kinda drowning I feel like I've swam upstream my whole life and I'm really just sick of pretending? I'm not okay, and it's your fault. Sure, fine, whatever, I'll take it I guess. What else can I do? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #19 notes/schooling --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────── =============================================================================== = I feel like education, by default, should not be hard. "you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted me to be. they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so of course I should be able to do 3+3 then somewhere along the line it became... something else. "most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I disagree that trigonometry is not necessary to be. I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a sledgehammer and inspiring dread. I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see but really, vision's not necessary. not for what they want you to be. take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as simple as they'll tell you. I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through, but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence. Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future. but I am who I am because of the soul inside me. =============================================================================== = "Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and your conditioners?" (conditions) those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want to be. but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice! here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band. =============================================================================== = the world is blossoming as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming becoming. "perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see" most people don't want to see their death but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest "how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold her " "keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be" the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art (at least to a capitalist) =============================================================================== = lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure was I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god? like, if he was a real thing. god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our own good, just to keep things moving. y'know, time. the universe, and everything. Ephemeren. =============================================================================== = I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this particular person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when this person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you. =============================================================================== = just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true, after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably autistic? unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for all people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it? patience, once it's ready. we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready. or not... one day I'll come, I'm sure it'll happen, it's just... not quite feasible right now. I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is to be? isn't what ISN'T WHAT MENARDI FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry yeesh you've still got a temper you know? well what can I say it's frustrating down here eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego >.> <.< (great) > >hehe > >sorry for distracting you =============================================================================== = you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack overflow ================================================ a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow === ========================================================== the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and they've got your back through it. ... this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus. =============================================================================== = I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just made sense to structure it that way. =============================================================================== = the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's doctrine is more advanced. every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge, ===================== stack overflow =========================================== ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #20 messages/388 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────── Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite, I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I can't fight because I'm a coward. Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance, nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not stupid. Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet... I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to perspire. And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice at the only things I'm good at. I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every day. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┘ |