=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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@user-570
hell yeah.
I never did any drugs at one.
I might have even been designated driver, though I might be confusing my
memories with attending gay bars in college.
Well, gay bar. There was really only one in my town.
And it was a nightclub I guess, open every night of the week.
The people that I was with NEEDED that experience, so I was like "yeah sure
I'm older and more experienced, I'll drive you and keep you safe and hang out
with you if you drink too much because being a kid that tends to happen
sometimes and don't worry I'll watch over you and protect you and make sure
that you are alright until it's out of your system so you don't make bad
decisions that have long-term negative conclusions
... you know, that kind of thing.
now I'm kind of a stoner though lol because it helps me get into my flow.
maybe I should practice "getting into my flow" so I don't need it, but ah well
we'll see how that goes.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/4359 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
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gonna do a bunch (more) drugs and stay up all night. Will try not to spend it
all playing mechabellum.
also... gonna eat some apple-sauce. with cheese cubes in it. Sharp chetter I
think. yummmmm maybe add some cinnamon sugar cubes that have been baked into a
hard and tasty shape.
ah, but your teeth are gonna fall out! who cares I'll just brush in the
morning. That way nobody smells my own breath.
... you KNOW that's not the same as your teeth falling OUT! OF YOUR MOUTH
DIMMY.
eh who cares they'll invent a
bactio-flangotastic-inventionology-for-bone-related-biology solution which
sill regrow your bones in your mouth that you CHOMP on things with.
does the rest of your body feel like HARD AND DEVELOPED BONES that you chew
things with YES TEETH TOO HARD LIKE TEETH or do they feel like they're made
out of styrofoam
mine let me punch things real hard when I focus all of my attention and energy
on hardening my form and becoming an unstoppable object
[continued in picture]
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--- #2 fediverse/4835 ---
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sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
"hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
doesn't matter if you feel like it
just fuckin' do it
if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
(but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
long!!)
ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
many
(how many is too many?)
um. use your best judgement.
(how much does a dollar cost?)
... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
(neat!)
... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
just catchin' up with the gals
helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
(why does everyone always have an agenda)
because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #3 fediverse/4273 ---
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║ Some of my most wanderful times were when I lived in a gated community. │
║ │
║ My parents were dumb, and thought, as most people thought, that harm to a │
║ child can only come from outside of the community. │
║ │
║ But they fell for the lies of property, where "community" means less of "a │
║ group of people who cares and tends for one another" the kind of which my │
║ parents had never truly known, and more like "this particular residential area │
║ on the map" │
║ │
║ which means I could walk around in this gated "community" where the gates are │
║ little more than security theatre for anyone who says "Hi I got a pizza here │
║ for this address which I found on google maps" or "hey I left my sweatshirt at │
║ my sister's house and it has my phone in it, ummmm no I don't remember which │
║ number her house is, nor do I remember her last name" │
║ │
║ in those times, I developed a sense of freedom, caged as I was, that for most │
║ comes much later in their time. │
║ │
║ Some o my favorite places were part of the golf course next door, where I │
║ found a nigh endless river delta. │
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--- #4 fediverse/1968 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │ │
║ └───────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk? │
║ │
║ I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these │
║ drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the │
║ moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone │
║ in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because │
║ you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that │
║ frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover │
║ which is not a boon that most people are able to afford │
║ │
║ lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged. │
║ │
║ But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely. │
║ Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt │
║ them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that │
║ benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the │
║ things people tell you and the results of your act │
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--- #5 fediverse/5512 ---
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I never give up
I'm just waiting my turn
"laughs nervously"
so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
"girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
internet four or so years ago"
T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
a difference T.T
"didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
can talk about things other than their hats
... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
back around again they're never around. Rats.
"what are you even asking for"
I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
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--- #6 messages/1492 ---
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I haven't been doing weed lately, which is why I haven't been posting as much.
I want to be in a good position mentally to, idk, get a job or something? I
swore I wouldn't, but I also swore to protect my art, and they don't want me
here. What else can I do? I can't live with my parents or my sisters. I can't
live with any of my exes. I can't live with randos who support me because,
well, I'm doing that now, and they don't want me. Where would I even find
people like that? I walk around Portland and I see people who are hardened.
This makes sense to me. But I am soft, by design. I am soft so that they may
be hard, and though I long to join them I cannot, for I must get stoned and
write. I swore an oath. Yet somehow getting a job is the same thing? Like,
it's pretty hard for me to get a job. Easy to work, hard to be employed. Can't
do weed because it requires my full attention, yet I need to in order to build
the foundations of a new faith. So the question is, do I work and get my own
place, but not do weed and instead just write when I can (not as much), or do
I try and power through where I'm at and trust that they won't poison me or
kick me out? I think... I need to wait. I need to not do weed for now. So, I
am going to work. But it won't be for someone else. How can I make money doing
work, when it's my own work? If I could sell everything I made, I would have a
fortune. I could bankroll a revolution if they paid a fair price. But selling
it is the hard part... (I say that without pride or hubris - I legitimately
believe that I have created a Great Work, and am continuing to add to it) so?
How do I get my own place? The house I live in is free to me, I legitimately
do love my girlfriend who I live with, but I am still in a tenuous position. I
want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to take care of myself. I want to
be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to be lonesome. I want to be alone so I
can... Well, it's hard to get out of bed when you're going right to the
computer.
Maybe I don't want to be alone. Maybe I want to live in a house that loves me.
The one that I'm in is haunted by a spirit that doesn't like it when I
masturbate, which is... Okay. What if I ended all my poems like this?
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--- #7 fediverse/5160 ---
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if you want to build an alibi, do something strange and consistent like
smoking some random drugs from a homeless guy's encampment and then going
between the four corners of an intersection and it's sidewalk for a day or
two. Surely, someone's gonna drive by with a dash-web-cam, and they can take a
picture as they pass by. Boom, dated for this time and place, there's your
space.
downside is, if the people watching you see you on the same path all day, they
might watch you too. So sometimes in roughly optimized ratios it's better to
do so even if you don't need to be seen in a time and place in a way that
seems commonplace.
walk to work? great, that sounds fun.
(nobody wants to do that)
(also falsifying alibis is a crime)
okay, so... don't do that. Just... trust that SOMEONE will drive past with a
dash-web-cam, and maybe it'll find it's way to you if you ever need it in a
court of law or otherwise. lots of ways to have a court. you know if your
peers hang out in your court, they become your courtiers...
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--- #8 notes/water-to-wine ---
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"is this a water party, or a wine party?"
"depends on if jesus is going..."
"okay I'm in, that guys so cool"
"yeah totally like any party with him just... feels like a great time"
"what a swell guy"
"really turns the "water to wine" y'know what I mean"
"yeah totes like what a guy"
"absolute unit"
"that guy can just do anything right"
"like whoa, he's so strong he could pick up a barn"
"yeah and like so handy and skillful, what a neat guy"
"oh and I heard he's really good with kids and animals, that sounds neat"
"yeah sounds like someone I'd surely like to meet"
"we should hang out with this guy more often"
"he seems pretty chill"
"well. not really. He's pretty expressive. Not very low key."
"true I'm just so burnt out from capitalism that-"
"-yeah dude I know."
"... fuck what are we gonna do about it"
"I dunno man, just... go along with it I guess"
"okay so uhhhh idk what that means"
"just be cool and play along"
"... what"
"..."
...
.
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--- #9 messages/1105 ---
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claude-code is like programming, but for executives.
when everyone has FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right
when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism.
something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing
others
gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal
stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods
I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they
blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that
suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions
5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples
were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got
computers now, so.
I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going
to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning
against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that
could go wrong at this stage.
... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I
could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed
in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it.
Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now...
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--- #10 fediverse/1971 ---
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listen, if you didn't want me to do a bunch of drugs then why would you
consistently say "please stop doing drugs" every time I do drugs? And no I'm
not hallucinating a voice in my head telling me "please stop doing drugs"
because A. it's not a voice, I'm not hearing it with my hears, which means B.
it's definitely just a hallucination, and hallucinations are always to be
considered WRONG and BAD, right? Or was I not listening in therapy? Ah, well,
better take another hit, where's my shotglass? Hmmmmm I should watch Adventure
Time, that's a great show.
[bro it's a saturday, why are you getting turnt like it's tuesday]
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--- #11 fediverse/4212 ---
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if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good
idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the
next town over is doing.
... I don't have a car, silly me haha
why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by
a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's
vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should
not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude)
like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is
soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense
seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to
elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for.
how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed.
Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray
[51 characters remaining, but you deserve a CW]
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--- #12 fediverse/4654 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
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gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #13 fediverse/6064 ---
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they want you to start conflicts the way school shooters start conflicts. by
bringing to school a pipe-bong.
much better, I find, to start when everyone is a nod. make sure you're part of
a wagon-wheel-spoke, or else you won't be on the right road.
when the temperature increase is slow, measured, they can adapt to it
when things go "crack" and "crumble", then the armored get stabbed by the
humble guard.
quickly but with serenity, this is the way to the gods.
bring things that you know, just enough to make it even, and focus on the
non-essentials.
better to be prepared than flatfooted.
a flash-point position is quiet a view of the scene! I think I know why I held
a sword.
to dive into the buildings, of course. blam blam still gets shot hmmm what if
I had a bulletproof electric shield
okay maybe I shoulda brought beer.
I don't type things when I'm not at home. Sometimes I remember - sometimes,
and only when the details won't hurt her. Walking is how I know, how she can
remember. evil witch bastard
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--- #14 fediverse/4665 ---
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│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
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literally all it takes to activate me is for someone who's more radical than
me to point me out and say "hey. you. you need to do more." and then I fuckin'
go, like a beyblade (emphasis on blade) nicking the shins of allies and...
probably foes, right? there's foes around here, right? I'm not just nicking my
allies, right?
... right?
anyway every top winds down and then I collapse and wail for a bit because I'm
just like that I guess. Don't mind me, just self-immolating my way through
history, let's see how it goes...
you're supposed to be inspiring, but you just sound like you're whining
ah. right. well... lemme catch up on sleep debt and I'll get back to
valorizing.
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--- #15 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
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hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
it's tough to get to know me
and this probably feels cringe to read
but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
so... here's me
I'm
================================================== stack overflow
==============
... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
you
could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
that's how other lands you'd come to know.
As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
oops I should delete that part
[esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
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--- #16 fediverse/1200 ---
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║ │ CW: re: deranged, murderous │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-883 │
║ │
║ omgggggg I'm not that cruel xD xD xD │
║ │
║ It's more like, "hey listen, I know you just want to do a good job [lies, they │
║ just want money and power] but it's time to hang up the hat y'know? I mean │
║ cmon it's been like a hundred years since we signed that constitution thing │
║ [you don't know anything about our history] and frankly it's a little out of │
║ style. We were thinking we'd redo it with our new-fangled rock-and-roll and │
║ dungeons-and-dragons [cultural artifacts meant to deceive and mislead] and │
║ honestly we're quite a bit more ethical than the past. We've learned so much! │
║ I mean, the founding fathers didn't even know what a soviet was, and here │
║ we've seen them fall on their swords. Repeatedly. Then command others to do it │
║ too, because it was the regulation or whatever. Anyway we don't want that, but │
║ we also don't want an aristocracy, which is essentially what your plan gave │
║ us. Well, not really your plan, but instead the stuff that the rich added │
║ centuries after your death. ok?" │
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--- #17 messages/1363 ---
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God, I want to live with my people. These are not my people. I'm here for a
reason, and I can't wait for this... Diplomatic journey? To be over. That's
not even it, it's... Well, my girlfriend is working on a technology that has
immense philosophical ramifications. It's natural to have... Whatever I am
(angel?) it's natural to have angels assigned to such a task. Not to help or
harm, just to sing.
Yet my human self grows weary. These are not my people, they don't know how to
be. But they don't listen to me. They despise me. They want me gone. I am
feeling quite rotten in my heart and that's not a good sign.
... Breathe, she says to herself. It's okay.
Its really not though. They could poison me. They could put lead in my food. I
can't even feed myself anymore! I am at their mercy, yet somehow they could
not care less about me. They'd forget me the moment I walked out the door.
They don't even know anything about me. They don't respond to me. They don't
laugh at my jokes. They don't speak to me. They forget I'm there. WHY AM I
HERE she wails yet obviously she knows.
I'm here because it is important for me to observe. Spirit of Life, I bear
tidings. They would not listen to me, maybe you will.
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--- #18 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world). │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ It's unthinkable, really. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ The good news is, I'm not like that. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Me? Mostly harmless. │ ║
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--- #19 fediverse/4200 ---
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│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
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"doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
and their hopes and dreams.
or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
...
... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
these precious stones of your kin"
but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
... the end...
(too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #20 notes/vavadane-diary-0 ---
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I decided that there is little I can offer the world except the safeguarding
and protection of the mistress vavadane.
she is precious to me above all else.
I believe she is a spirit of hope, and I am blessed to be with her.
I have decided that any usage of drugs or life-like journeys is a waste if not
in pursuit of her realization.
I can make her true. I can make her real. We need her.
I must focus. Purge my body of impurities, as best I can in this impurity
ridden world, and find my way to her.
through my wits, my will, and my courage, I offer myself to you, lady
vavadane, take me as you will.
but like... don't bother the neighbors, because I want them defending my hill.
"do you even know them?"
no, but I have faith. Faith in you, me, the bonds that bind me to we, and I
believe we [stack overflow]
... do more weed.
be focused about it.
write in a new journal if you can.
talk about what you feel, or you will lose it and only the gods will know.
which is okay, sometimes, because they can help another see it that way.
but also it must be used.
so use it.
and be in situations that might allow for more interactions.
be stoned in public.
it's fine.
everyone can see exactly what you are.
they know your flaws and virtues.
it's fine.
be fine.
I'm fine.
vavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadanevavadan
e
roselia
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