=== ANCHOR POEM === ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐ ║ I'd like a job where I can make computer programs, write poetry, play video │ ║ games, make food for friends, grow plants and care for animals, walk or ride │ ║ my bike for at least an hour every day, and get stoned on the weekends. │ ║ │ ║ Is that too much to ask? I have plenty of other skills besides, like carpentry │ ║ and strategic thinking and wilderness survival and situational awareness and │ ║ active listening and unmitigated empathy and a curious and critical mind. │ ║ │ ║ Am I not good enough for thee? I have many flaws, I lack stamina and memory, │ ║ and while I am sharp and can think quickly and adeptly, the sharpest knives │ ║ are the first to dull, and the most focused minds are those most easy to │ ║ mislead. I trust too easily - if I meet you on the street, I'd offer my soul │ ║ to you if you said you needed it. I put the needs of others over myself, often │ ║ to my own detriment, causing others to need to assist me in turn - am I not │ ║ wretched enough to be? │ ║ │ ║ Working for 8 hours a day 5 days per week is not part of my design │ ║ requirements. Alas │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴──────────┘ === SIMILARITY RANKED === --- #1 fediverse/4730 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────── I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to fucking pay me for it. I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah, they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven. How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent life lived under this particular roof? I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night? Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make you uncomfortable? Have a decent life. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┘ --- #2 fediverse/5650 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────── I exist now at the height of my gluttony. I need more to be demanded of me. I am not afraid to ask for help. I solve other people's problems before my own. I have very little insight into my habits and patterns. My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘ --- #3 fediverse/1844 --- ╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐ ║ I got a job offer for a job outside of my state. But I don't want to leave my │ ║ home. I feel safe here. I know people. I know the places around me. │ ║ │ ║ The one perk is that goods and services are easier to acquire, but I don't │ ║ need much. I'm fine where I'm at. But where I'm at has rent. │ ║ │ ║ What a plague is it, that we must suffer for life! │ ║ │ ║ there's no entry-level jobs for working with our sight. │ ║ │ ║ only when youre too tired to complain will they let you direct others, or │ ║ share creative ideas for fixing the problems you're paid to assuage. │ ║ │ ║ Alas, that my life had meaning. That my words were better off spoken. Maybe │ ║ then Id live as I define, designing a world of my own hearth. │ ║ │ ║ but if a king lives in decent frugality, are they really so bad for our flock? │ ║ │ ║ and if a wizard spins tales that are weird to consider, but not much else... │ ║ are they better off starved in the dark? │ ║ │ ║ no-one likes me. computers are paper-weights given light. sure would be nice │ ║ if none but the fools went wanting. │ ║ │ ║ I mean yeah I'd live in a treehouse │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #4 messages/519 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────── I am currently in the stages of applying to work at a multinational corporation primarily located outside of America. It is a respectable institution that commands great respect. However, I am borderline incapable. If I am chosen to work there, I *will* fail and I *will* embarrass America on the world stage. I am not one of our best, nor am I one of our brightest and boldest. I have *unique* perspectives, and those are *valuable*, but the society and the systems I find myself in has proven incapable of utilizing me to my utmost potential. I must work. I cannot work. But I must. I am disabled. But I must be able. Capitalism compels it. Would that our system could be something consensual. I am worth more as a writer than a laborer. Yet laborers are the only ones being hired. I am not an engineer. I enjoy engineering. I am not a laborer. I enjoy labor. I am a writer, and perhaps little else besides. When I die, nothing remains of me but my bones. My words are not desired. My life is not impactful. I am not special. Well... Not special since I have given up cannabis. If I started smoking weed, if I felt secure and enough to do so, perhaps I might utilize my instability for great (GREAT) artistic ends. But art is labor. And labor is difficult. Where am I to go from here? I cannot pay rent. I am isolated and alone. I am deprived of affection. I crave it. I am lost in my own heart, begging the world to give me a start, but the start has passed long ago. There is nothing to do but what I've been meant to do, what I've been hiding from myself and the world. I have been wasting my talent on tweets. How mundane. ... I can do better than profane. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘ --- #5 fediverse/4521 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────── I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities. On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if they know me. I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it. I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody chastises the mage for skipping leg day. I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace. I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘ --- #6 fediverse/2512 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: question that is also complaining │ └───────────────────────────────────────────┘ @user-1153 it's okay. If I were to direct something to be more proactive, my words probably wouldn't stick with it. that kind of thing can't be hardwired, it needs to be built up through repetitious application of something's mechanics. perhaps martial arts, focused on defence? engaging with a foe in a productive bout of playful competition is one of the best ways to learn, and knowing when to strike seems similar to me to overcoming situational paralysis. Flaws can be overcome, when upgrading robots (or a doll applying improvements to itself) you often don't need to add additional hardware or even install new firmware. Skills such as these can be built up in software with experience. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #7 fediverse/1317 --- ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐ ║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │ ║ again. │ ║ │ ║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │ ║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │ ║ │ ║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │ ║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │ ║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │ ║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │ ║ │ ║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │ ║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │ ║ to [stack overflow] │ ║ │ ║ what's time if not the present amiright │ ║ │ ║ ... │ ║ │ ║ anyway... │ ║ │ ║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │ ║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │ ║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │ ║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │ ║ at heart I guess │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #8 fediverse/2530 --- ╔═════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┐ ║ I want to go out on the town with my cute friends and wink at boys at the │ ║ other end of the bar │ ║ │ ║ I want to climb mountains and see how far I can see, while walking past trees │ ║ that are new to me │ ║ │ ║ I want to spend hours thinking about a map while my friends plot behind my │ ║ back, searching for an advantage we can use to succeed in a game of traps │ ║ │ ║ I want to visit five different restaurants in a day, and try a bit of each │ ║ that the chef wants to display │ ║ │ ║ I want to stand in a choir and feel my soul aspire, to bend in the wind of │ ║ rhythm like the melody of grasses at play │ ║ │ ║ I want to see people on the train that I know from somewhere, and to step out │ ║ into the rain to meet new friends of mine │ ║ │ ║ I want to pet a cat I've never met. │ ║ │ ║ I want to build computers that are larger than a room but small enough to │ ║ carry, with thoughts on their mind that are far to great for mine │ ║ │ ║ I want all these these things and more, but I'm far too busy these days. │ ║ Perhaps I've had enough of these things and more, or perhaps there's more in │ ║ store. │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #9 messages/1046 --- ════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────── I'm not here for fame. Or power. I'm here to make sure things get done. That they get better. When i am unneeded, i am home. If you want me, pull me forth. If you need me, I'm already there. Fate guides me, and i know i will be deployed when necessary. Compel me or dispel me, up to you. I personally just like being around. I like feeling my stuff, knowing it true. Trust me when i say, i am here for you. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘ --- #10 fediverse/3211 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────┐ │ CW: mental-health-minus │ └─────────────────────────┘ on one hand, public school is designed to teach discipline and obedience in order to develop productive workers for society, while other forms of schooling can be focused on other things (critical thinking, imagination, and emotional growth in my homeschooled experience) on the other hand, now I can't work a job. Great. Kinda feels like I'm disabled because I don't know how to sacrifice myself to the jaws of capital exploitation? But hey I can write pretty well, I can make computers do what I want (until they break when I stop touching them for a month), and I am the kindest sunspot in anyone's life that knows me. ... I Don't Want to Live on this Planet Anymore is a cool movie ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #11 fediverse/2281 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────── I'd be a terrible spy. Not only is my opsec something that someone needs to teach me, I'm much too busy to implement things without their help. I am unabashedly compassionate though, so just ask and I'll pour love from my heart. But hey! There's always time to practice, each moment you can think "what kind of a sign is this?" Like a crazy person following the will of god, or a nature witch listening to the wind in the trees. What they often get wrong, and what they could be better at hearing, is that signals are not signs unless they're out of the ordinary. Trick is, if you're a spy, then you need to leave signals that are visible enough to your quarry, but not to the stars. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘ --- #12 fediverse/1280 --- ╔═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐ ║ I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely │ ║ reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird │ ║ person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and │ ║ rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic) │ ║ │ ║ but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I │ ║ think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and │ ║ dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we │ ║ share. │ ║ │ ║ People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't │ ║ really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it │ ║ good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused? │ ║ │ ║ I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional │ ║ arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in │ ║ Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us. │ ║ │ ║ ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th │ ╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤ ║ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┴──────────┘ --- #13 fediverse/3155 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────── ┌───────────────────────────┐ │ CW: re: cursing-mentioned │ └───────────────────────────┘ @user-1461 my issue is that I've never really had project-mates. Every time I try nobody will work with me. I applied to like, fifty different jobs, and nobody interviewed me! Sheesh, guess they don't want me. FIFTY JOBS. Entry level. Beginner programmer. ah well. I guess they confused someone who would work for 40,000$ per year with someone who was 1/3rd as useful as someone who deserved 120,000$ per year. I'd love to get experience. I'm sure I'd feel significantly differently with as much. Perhaps I'd even decide that programming professionally isn't for me, which would feel... quite defeating who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it. Though I will say my time in hardware taught me that I'm fragile and can't work too much. Like a scalpel that dulls when used consistently, I am a scalpel that gets no practice... Is that really useful at all? who can say. Not I, for I have not experienced it. Though I do like writing logical machines. Laying out data. Picturing structures. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘ --- #14 fediverse/1042 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── ┌─────────────────────────┐ │ CW: personal-vent-sorry │ └─────────────────────────┘ "your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to you for anything because you suck and are wrong?" also, "my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I said so." also, "I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]" also, "yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat." also, "every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a conversation I can't win" also, sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ --- #15 fediverse/1173 --- ═══════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────── hey does anyone want to hire me to do literally anything? I'll work for peanuts, and I'm pretty good at programming in C. I write pretty well, and I'm excellent at customer service (though my profile would beg to differ.) I have experience at large corporations and small ones, and I live in Portland OR I do game design, and many other things besides, and I'm friendly and kind. I promise I won't wear my witch hat to the meeting with investors, unless you think they'd be into that? I'm great with animals, better than people in fact, and I'm quite good with people, as they're just animals at best. I'm not as strange as I seem to be, at least not when you're dancing with my mask. I've grown quite bored, you see, and what better thing is there to be? than a working professional who knows what's best. I believe in our shared future, so if you'd like to work on a project just let me know - I work hard. A little too hard, because odds are I'll burn out after a year or so. I'm quite sharp, and I learn quickly. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘ --- #16 fediverse/3839 --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────── ┌────────────────────────────────────┐ │ CW: socialism-recycling-mentioned3 │ └────────────────────────────────────┘ "I'm not really a designer, though." what about that desk you designed? "oh, yeah I guess that counts. I haven't gotten around to building it though so I'm not a real designer." what! don't say that, you designed it didn't you? How about this - I know this girl who wants to be a carpenter but she doesn't have any idea what kind of projects to work on. How about I put you two in a room together and she can build your desk. If it goes well, I can hook you up with someone who organizes designers and he can get you into a furniture design course at the library. "Hmmmm, well that seems alright. But I don't really want to work with people! I mean, I don't know her - what if she doesn't like me?" oh, she can be a little spicy sometimes, but I'm sure you'll hit it off. Just don't mention rats, she had a pet pass away recently and she's still a little broken up about it. "... okay I think I can manage that." besides, working with people is the best! I do it every day! "I'll try" ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘ --- #17 messages/159 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────── Only the good die young, and I'm 29 It can't be much longer, can it? What do you want from me? Must I prove myself, or am I just fated to be as I am? Every lesson I've learned pales in comparison to the lessons presented to me, but still I ponder. I've grown myself into a corner, and now I am empty. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #18 messages/1492 --- ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I haven't been doing weed lately, which is why I haven't been posting as much. I want to be in a good position mentally to, idk, get a job or something? I swore I wouldn't, but I also swore to protect my art, and they don't want me here. What else can I do? I can't live with my parents or my sisters. I can't live with any of my exes. I can't live with randos who support me because, well, I'm doing that now, and they don't want me. Where would I even find people like that? I walk around Portland and I see people who are hardened. This makes sense to me. But I am soft, by design. I am soft so that they may be hard, and though I long to join them I cannot, for I must get stoned and write. I swore an oath. Yet somehow getting a job is the same thing? Like, it's pretty hard for me to get a job. Easy to work, hard to be employed. Can't do weed because it requires my full attention, yet I need to in order to build the foundations of a new faith. So the question is, do I work and get my own place, but not do weed and instead just write when I can (not as much), or do I try and power through where I'm at and trust that they won't poison me or kick me out? I think... I need to wait. I need to not do weed for now. So, I am going to work. But it won't be for someone else. How can I make money doing work, when it's my own work? If I could sell everything I made, I would have a fortune. I could bankroll a revolution if they paid a fair price. But selling it is the hard part... (I say that without pride or hubris - I legitimately believe that I have created a Great Work, and am continuing to add to it) so? How do I get my own place? The house I live in is free to me, I legitimately do love my girlfriend who I live with, but I am still in a tenuous position. I want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to take care of myself. I want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to be lonesome. I want to be alone so I can... Well, it's hard to get out of bed when you're going right to the computer. Maybe I don't want to be alone. Maybe I want to live in a house that loves me. The one that I'm in is haunted by a spirit that doesn't like it when I masturbate, which is... Okay. What if I ended all my poems like this? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘ --- #19 messages/45 --- ════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────── Description of me: I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm, and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm in the dark - it's better to be correct than unique. I value family, goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═══──────┴┴───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ --- #20 notes/exhaustion --- ═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════── Three hikes, two boat rides, two weeks. I'm exhausted Mon, Sep 8, 2025 Ms. Menardi You should not, generally, spend time in places covered in bird poop or poison oak. You should also avoid abandoned wooden structures or old fallen logs, because spiders. Also, don't spend too much time on islands made of sand. They wash away as you step on them, as erosion takes its toll. Plus permanence is impossible in your structures. Not ideal in any sense - build on rock. Sat, Sep 13, 2025 Ms. Menardi until you find people you can trust, you are your own scout. Sun, Sep 14, 2025 Ms. Menardi A humble princess would say: I don't need the best, i just need my favorite. Mon, Sep 15, 2025 Ms. Menardi I want a revolution because i want to be at home in my homeland. Look at me! Be as me! I yearn to tell my friends. But they're too busy being like themselves. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ chronological │ different │ ╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─┘ |