=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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@user-883
I might be into that tonight! I'm feeling a little unstable because of life
reasons, so I'm debating doing drugs to feel better. Idk if you want to be
around that kind of thing. =P
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/4969 ---
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what if I played video games all day so everyone knew I was harmless
maybe someday I'll give them up again
for the... third time now? I think?
heh maybe. I do enjoy the feeling of being unstoppable.
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--- #2 fediverse/2488 ---
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I know how you might be feeling. If you haven't hear from someone you care
about and it's eating you up inside, imagine them succeeding. helps me feel
better.
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--- #3 fediverse/3823 ---
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"sometimes I don't want to be optimistic sometimes I just want to complain"
oh yeah well what if I want to be optimistic at all times as a coping
mechanism huh you don't have to agree with me
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--- #4 fediverse/3463 ---
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│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-192
I can relate to that impulse, which is why I'm liking this reply
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--- #5 fediverse/4543 ---
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@user-1698
Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
there terrifies me.
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--- #6 fediverse/1524 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
maybe I should try microdosing, see if I can convince this part of me to stick
around
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--- #7 fediverse/1281 ---
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@user-883
okay I'm down
(a little stoned tho, was talking to my soul hehe)
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--- #8 fediverse/2381 ---
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I smile at each and every person I pass on the street. Unless it looks like
they're having a bad day, and then I try to switch to neutral as fast as I can
so they can feel their feelings without me interjecting and making it about me.
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--- #9 fediverse/1609 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mh- │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1043
I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
stood there and thought
and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
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--- #10 fediverse/4706 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned-nazis-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
"oh also I should mention that if you think about her too hard or too often
there's a chance she'll overhear what you're talking about anyway so try not
to think about her too much."
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--- #11 fediverse/1385 ---
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listen if your man page is more than like, 10 pg-down's, then you might want
to consider breaking that utility up into smaller pieces.
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--- #12 fediverse/3605 ---
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I think I'm okay no matter my own fate
I think I'm okay.
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--- #13 messages/109 ---
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That's why I like talking about things I'm interested in. It makes me more
likely to be able to bring up something I've been thinking about.
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--- #14 fediverse/3475 ---
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you know that feeling when you realize the person you're talking to is a
demon? sometimes I think they don't even realize it. other times, they do.
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--- #15 fediverse/3437 ---
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│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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--- #16 fediverse/5782 ---
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sometimes I post random silly [scary] things to pad out the serious things and
I hope that's okay
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--- #17 fediverse/6209 ---
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okay just to clarify: if anyone is recording me or storing data about me, I
would really prefer if you didn't delete it just because I realized it was
happening. I like data! It's cool to know such things!
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--- #18 fediverse/962 ---
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when considering the benefit of the doubt, consider doubting the benefit of
consideration.
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--- #19 fediverse/1259 ---
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@user-895
hi! I'm Ritz Menardi, I'm a little strange. I sometimes post scary things on
here. I try to put content warnings on everything intense, but sometimes it
gets a little out of hand and I forget... I'm also a poet. Spiritual at best,
a little schizophrenic at worse, but at all times I try to be true to myself.
If you don't like the vibes I 100% won't be upset if you unfollow / block me
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--- #20 fediverse/5800 ---
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... I feel fine actually
[weren't you just extremely happy?]
heh yeah feelings are experts at changing
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--- #21 fediverse/4085 ---
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I can always tell when people who believe in me start thinking of me because I
start feeling the urge to do pushups
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--- #22 fediverse/1243 ---
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@user-883
hey sorry for ditching you yesterday, hope you had a good night ^_^
I feel much better today.
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--- #23 fediverse/4855 ---
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"you should be acting like these people want to destroy you."me, to me
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--- #24 fediverse/1303 ---
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│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
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@user-192
normality?
banality?
errrrr I mean emotional disregulation and low self esteem?
... it's easier in person when you can see when everyone has the "yo what the
fuck" look on their face and when they have the "wait what was that I was
thinking about snails" face
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--- #25 fediverse/4620 ---
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"is she bipolar or does she just consistently forget her estrogen injection?"
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--- #26 messages/312 ---
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Okay. Consider: if I'm good, and hearing what I say makes you feel bad, then
what does that tell you about you?
Why else would you hear what I say if not to reflect upon yourself? And why
would the good reflect away from the types of things that make you a suitable
fit for capitalism?
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--- #27 fediverse/4045 ---
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sometimes I like chatting online more than in person because online you can
have like, 3 different conversations going at once
meanwhile in person you get body language, and the benefit of activities and
shared experiences. They're both useful for different things.
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--- #28 fediverse/2939 ---
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"you look like a mess who can't take care of herself"
oh haha that's because I'm a mess who can't take care of herself
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--- #29 fediverse/1131 ---
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@user-850
true T.T I forgot about physical ailments. Was mostly thinking about
interpersonal relationships because that's what's on my mind rn in my life.
@user-5
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--- #30 fediverse/4173 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
I swear if kamala is elected I will do everything in my power to actually work
on my projects and get a job and be a good human
... wait, I already was doing that. But I'll be less stressed out, so... it'll
be easier?
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--- #31 fediverse/1195 ---
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@user-883
alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
picture, I'm kinda crazy:
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--- #32 messages/1103 ---
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I like my room. have you ever been in my room? you'd like it too.
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--- #33 fediverse/3122 ---
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@user-999
whenever I am, I feel ashamed.
whenever I'm not, I feel guilty.
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--- #34 fediverse/1263 ---
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@user-883
My friends and I decided to hang out for two days in a row, I guess they
aren't tired of me yet hehe - I might be around tonight but I'll let you know!
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--- #35 fediverse/3584 ---
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│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
"If I look like a fool, it'll keep eyes on me instead of looking at my friends
who are stoned and paranoid"
maybe the friends are paranoid because you're acting like a dork and drawing
attention to the group
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--- #36 fediverse/4551 ---
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│ CW: mental-health-mentioned-in-relation-to-resisting-capitalism │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
oh no I'm feeling, uh... "depressed" or "manic depressed" or something else,
you pick this time, better go hide and work on organizational technology which
utilizes Risc-V hardware, fediverse software, LLM based anonymization, and
SoCs with multiple ethernet ports, oh nooooo how boring and depressing, if
only someone or several people who were bored and feeling like resisting
capitalism wanted to help out, all they'd have to do is get in touch with me
anyway bye
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--- #37 fediverse/5129 ---
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@user-1698
I am a strange person, which is why I live in the strange city for strange
people.
though recently it's gotten a lot more liberal. Kinda sucks. I miss the
anarchist vibes.
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--- #38 messages/146 ---
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maybe if I slept until the end of time,
I'd do better on the way back.
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--- #39 fediverse/2052 ---
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@user-1074
me too 🥰 I'm saying they should be the other end of the spectrum, rather
than the middle of the graph
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--- #40 fediverse/6236 ---
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I legitimately think everyone in my life is just as cool as me
they just... don't know how to know it.
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--- #41 fediverse/2095 ---
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Sometimes it's okay to be sloppy if you're having fun!
Just... clean up after yourself when you're done 😉
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--- #42 fediverse/2815 ---
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I am NOT larping. I am expressing how I feel imaginatively.
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--- #43 fediverse/1362 ---
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@user-192
it suddenly became relevant in your life for a different reason and you wanted
to share it again to see if anyone wanted to talk about it so you could
explain your feelings and see perspective from someone who's maybe approaching
the same or similar thing from a slightly different angle?
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--- #44 fediverse/3678 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
I stopped smoking cannabis because possible job and wow... life feels between
4 and 6 times longer
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--- #45 fediverse/2292 ---
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I don't know who needs to hear this after staying up all night driving, but
it's ideal to get where you're going with at least a day to rest. The body can
only do so much, and isn't it better to be fresh?
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--- #46 fediverse/5530 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-communism-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I literally want two things in my life:
to be able to be high 24/7 without being inebriated and without suffering ill
effects unless I want them
communism
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--- #47 fediverse/5750 ---
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I love when I can go on walks... they're soooooo much fun! can see so many
cool people and places and things... alas
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--- #48 fediverse/309 ---
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@user-223 normies need third places too... just, a lot of them, I guess.
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--- #49 fediverse/3913 ---
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│ CW: alcohol-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
"uhhhh, I dunno she's drunk or something"
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--- #50 fediverse/6042 ---
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my bodyguard leaves me. not that I need one. just... feels comforting
[ooh ooh then what happened next]
my bodyguard leaves me. not that I needed one... just, felt comforting.
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--- #51 fediverse/2559 ---
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@user-1056
my ex would absolutely fall in love with you
like, in a good way. he's a good person.
he did just break up with me, though. so maybe wait a bit before I hook you up
if you're into that.
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--- #52 messages/296 ---
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The trick is, if you *think* you're schizophrenic, then you will be. If you
*think* you're telepathic, then you will be.
There are no grand narratives. Just live your life as you will and be content
with what you build for yourself.
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--- #53 fediverse/3564 ---
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this kind of thing always happens when I'm manic lmao
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--- #54 fediverse/5374 ---
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@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
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--- #55 fediverse/4243 ---
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so I guess I'm a chaotic-good witch paladin?
and yes I know "chaotic" and "paladin" don't usually go together, but...
somehow I make it work
... I should do more pushups. Practice with my sword some more. That part of
me's sorta been asleep for four-ish months.
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--- #56 fediverse/1801 ---
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people call me "hypervigilant" as if being constantly aware is not a normal
state for them.
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--- #57 fediverse/4428 ---
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@user-1669
sorry, I'm on a roll. Gotta speak my mind, even if it has other stuff bouncing
around in it. I hope you understand : )
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--- #58 fediverse/1381 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #59 fediverse/5204 ---
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just because you have something good
doesn't mean it's bad to have that good thing.
if it were so,
it would imply that you are bad.
and you are not bad.
therefore it is good to have good things.
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--- #60 fediverse/3286 ---
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┌───────────────────────┐
│ CW: suicide-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
I hate how people think I'm mentally unhealthy.
I'm fine. I love myself.
[except all those times when you feel randomly suicidal for no reason at all.
Are you being like... hit with microwaves or something???]
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--- #61 messages/1186 ---
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I am amazed, frankly, that my life has always managed to get different. feels
almost like change is an inevitable constant thing. I personally prefer when
changes are intentionalized, rather than weather.
"the thing I crave most of all is stability. tranquility. ever-loving peace."
- some guy with long hair
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--- #62 bluesky#36 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
people are terrified, yet within me I feel a bright brilliant light.
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--- #63 messages/522 ---
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"I can never tell if people love me or hate me" means you're switching from
manic pixie dream girl to depression junkie
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--- #64 fediverse/3932 ---
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@user-889
don't give up!
I know that feeling!
it is defeated with persistence!
don't give up!
you can make it!
there's always tomorrow!
so don't give up!
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--- #65 fediverse/5030 ---
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is there a feeling you miss?
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--- #66 fediverse/6131 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
I have seldom felt as if my potential were not squandered
never do I feel such things outside of the height of mania
aka, the most blessed way to be
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--- #67 fediverse/806 ---
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... sorry, forgot to content warning that last one. I'm kinda using this
format like a twitch stream... how [weird, strange, perceiving, perplexing,
confusing]
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--- #68 fediverse/5679 ---
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having the limitations of a human form is kinda nice, I guess.
keeps you out of real trouble.
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--- #69 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #70 fediverse/477 ---
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sometimes I like watching videos without subtitles because it allows me to
more adequately understand the feelings being expressed rather than focusing
on the dictionary definitions of the words being spoken.
Maybe I'm just a weird human though. Am I an alien? Or a robot? Or something
else? Tune in next week to find out...
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--- #71 fediverse/3812 ---
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┌───────────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health-minus │
└───────────────────────────┘
feeling kinda sick in a weird way. hope I haven't been poisoned.
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--- #72 fediverse/2920 ---
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yes I am a "crazywoman" thank you for noticing
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--- #73 fediverse/1290 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: minors-DNI-cannabis-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────┘
@user-919 @user-203
hey don't worry, I had too many edibles and was feeling passionate, don't
worry you are loved
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--- #74 fediverse/6027 ---
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some days I feel like someone else's lesson and that can be hard.
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--- #75 fediverse/3763 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-mental-health-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I think I'm a better writer when I'm sorta consistently taking the meds I was
using to self-medicate...
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--- #76 fediverse/2434 ---
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I spent most of today asleep. I guess that's what I get for chatting all night
with a stranger. gonna putz around a bit, should be nice.
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--- #77 fediverse/4562 ---
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I like being alone. But if I'm alone for too long, I suffocate. I start acting
like a weird nerd who doesn't know what to do with their hands.
If I spend too much time with people, I get exhausted and I can't think
straight. I start using other people's mannerisms instead of my own.
I'm not an introvert, or an extrovert, I think the dichotomy is stupid and
people have completely separate needs that deplete and recharge at their own
rates.
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--- #78 fediverse/2075 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics │
└──────────────────────┘
I am enraptured by this debate.
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--- #79 fediverse/3238 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-health │
└──────────────────────┘
I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
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--- #80 fediverse/1251 ---
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@user-889
it sounds like you're having a real tough time. : (
you can get through it, I know you can. On the other side is something warm
and safe, but to get there it's going to be hard and painful. I don't know
exactly what you're working with but if you want someone to talk to about it
you can message me.
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--- #81 messages/214 ---
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Gonna take a break from this whole thing. I got a sign that I'm a bad person,
twice. To confirm. I need to change, and since I don't know what I'm just
going to try and do nothing for a bit.
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--- #82 fediverse/6102 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
sorry I was just making stuff up because it's fun, hope I didn't accidentally
unleash disaster or masterpiece, either would be equally bad
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--- #83 fediverse/935 ---
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@user-171
I guess so. She's a little useless without me, I mean if I left her alone
she'd probably just flop around and complain until I came back. But she's good
for the instincts I find.
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--- #84 fediverse/455 ---
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This is what I was referring to, but like... this particular feeling happens
all the dang time. Humans are weird.
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--- #85 fediverse/851 ---
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@user-599
these are the kinds of things I say to myself all the time. I don't know why,
but it feels true so I think it.
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--- #86 fediverse/378 ---
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┌──────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: About sex dreams │
└──────────────────────────┘
@user-138
I never have sex dreams (probably because I don't think about sex very often)
but sometimes I'll get intense horny feelings while asleep and get verrrrry
aroused mid-dream for like... no reason... and then I'll wake up and think
"how the heck am I going to move on with my day when I almost orgasmed to
[redacted]"
it's a weird feeling every time
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--- #87 fediverse/1309 ---
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@user-883
just realized when I got disconnected it gave me a different username, so if
you've been messaging me I haven't been getting it. Ooops. relogging now to
try and fix it.
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--- #88 fediverse/353 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-255
sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #89 fediverse/1140 ---
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@user-78
ah but if you increase it then I might be able to actually finish a thought,
wouldn't that be a tragedy xD
@user-91
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #90 fediverse/5686 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
my friends tell me stories and I build my ideas for relationships based on
their pain.
I am always haunted by questions they don't want to answer.
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--- #91 fediverse/2402 ---
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Just got home, and I'm less tired than yesterday! ^_^ maybe a bit more
delirious then, hhah - I'll drink more water
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--- #92 fediverse/5602 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
"so wait why can't we go outside again"
"I'm huuuuungry"
girl we just ate
"I'm tired"
girl it's like 10am
"can we snuggle?"
yeah okay.
that's why haha
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #93 fediverse/4115 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
I love cream of mushroom soup! It's so flexible, you can add it to a lot of
dishes and unless you make a few crucial mistakes, it's gonna turn out great!
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--- #94 fediverse/581 ---
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@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #95 fediverse/4619 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
I want the political right to exist, because otherwise there'd be nothing to
talk about a couple beers in and with no real stakes except a good time with
your friend who you disagree with
I want the political right to exist, because, y'know, life liberty and justice
for all and all that
both of those are "left of center" takes and I've definitely held both at
different parts of my life
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--- #96 fediverse/4636 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
ummmmm yeah the reason I went off hormones 5 weeks ago is totally because I
want to test low so that they bump up my prescription so I can stockpile.
Totally not because I executive dysfunctioned my way into this mess. again.
Almost as if it doesn't happen 3 or 4 times per year -.-
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--- #97 fediverse/4255 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
I think a lot of my problems would be solved if I could internalize the
thought/feeling of telling yourself "stay focused"
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--- #98 fediverse/4189 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
when people are kind to me, I start feeling sad.
I don't know why.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #99 fediverse/151 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: weed mention │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-95 thank you for inviting me, it was fun : ) I'm not usually that quiet
- weed works a little different on me than it does on humans, and one of the
side effects is auditory processing disorder. I couldn't really understand
what most people were saying...
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #100 messages/743 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
"hello democrats. I am so radical. Can I please rob your house for supplies? I
am having difficulty gathering them on my own."
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #101 messages/997 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
I want a revolution because i want to be at home in my homeland.
Look at me! Be as me! I yearn to tell my friends. But they're too busy being
like themselves.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #102 fediverse/3188 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
@user-883
they liiiiike you 😋
maybe they'll hire you!
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #103 fediverse/508 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
@user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353
Sorry. I'm (probably) schizophrenic so I say weird things sometimes.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #104 fediverse/6292 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
I'm stuck. I don't know how to leverage whatever talents I have into making
things happen. Maybe I should seek advice from a wise elder...
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #105 fediverse/3786 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal │
└──────────────────────┘
turns out I'm too much of a neurotic cinnamon roll to be a cool stand-offish
empath
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #106 fediverse/2707 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
@user-1209
sometimes I feed the nearby wildlife, and sometimes I don't. I don't want them
to grow reliant on me, but I want them to have a nice surprise every once in a
while.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #107 fediverse/2120 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
sometimes I think performing my art was just an excuse to use Linux. At least,
some of my art.
But hey, I'm not complaining, it's awesome.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #108 fediverse/4758 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
I'm gonna go psycherwaul into my journals for a bit, if I come back today
it'll be extra waul-y so, idk, beware I guess
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--- #109 fediverse/3220 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health │
└──────────────────────┘
"I'm not depressed~!" I say as I exist
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #110 fediverse/3864 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: drugs-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
@user-1218
my ex boyfriend told me to
also I thought it would be a good idea so I could find a job, but now I have
one (sorta) soooo
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #111 fediverse/4843 ---
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just because someone did something one way and it worked, doesn't mean you
have to do it that way again.
but you should have a reason why you aren't doing it that way.
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--- #112 fediverse/329 ---
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@user-241 okayyyy if I must =P =P
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--- #113 fediverse/3258 ---
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@user-570
I wonder how it would feel to bind numpad enter to tab instead?
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--- #114 fediverse/2991 ---
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okay so if yesterday was a
"everything sucks and I'm the worst ever"
type of day, and today is a
"whatever mom I don't even care"
type of day, that means tomorrow will be a
"I can't believe how absolutely absurd I am"
type of day, and the day after a
"I am indomitable nothing can stop me"
kind of day, with the following being wildcards
... right? here's hoping. I like that trajectory.
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--- #115 fediverse/5169 ---
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if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to describe everything
that you do,
leave that situation
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--- #116 fediverse/1445 ---
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I miss university because of all the gay people I could hang out with.
I guess I must be lonely.
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--- #117 fediverse/5698 ---
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you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
particular moment-event-message.
besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
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--- #118 fediverse/3975 ---
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@user-1631
for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
ideal.
... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
you toward people who "get" you.
like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #119 fediverse/723 ---
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Honestly if anyone wanted to just... take any of my stuff, even if they were
just going to sell it, I'd probably give it to them? People in my life say I
don't function well in a capitalist society. I guess I just trust everyone
equally.
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--- #120 fediverse/5490 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
wao this is great I love being high why don't I do this more often?
[oops cannabis-mentioned one sec]
"BECAUSE YOU ALTER THE FABRIC OF REALITY WITH IT??"
oh yeah that'd do it
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--- #121 fediverse/3061 ---
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every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
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--- #122 fediverse/2523 ---
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I just want to stress that most people know more than me
slept on my back. had a good dream. gonna shut the fuck up for a bit and see
what ya'll get up to. ;) 😉
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--- #123 fediverse/2812 ---
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when you're alone, everything that happens to you is personal.
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--- #124 fediverse/4331 ---
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I feel like any family member that cared about another person would forgive
them for how they behaved in the past. like... "I was a stressed and depressed
little boy, now I'm a blossoming flower. Treat me like a flower. This is who I
am."
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--- #125 messages/956 ---
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Dear me:
You are not a god, you are what the gods wish to be.
You are beautiful you are inspired you're anxious and always tired. All these
are necessary for me.
Do you want to be mortal forever? Die in battle and be rewarded. Risk your
life to live longer.
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--- #126 fediverse/406 ---
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"imagine if this was the last thing you remembered"me, last night, in a state
of mind that I don't remember today
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--- #127 fediverse/1428 ---
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hello everyone, Discord is down for me and I can't reach any of my friends
over SMS.
You know I'd just... give you my address if you asked, right?
oh no sorry turns out they were just busy haha silly me why would I worry
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--- #128 fediverse/2424 ---
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if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
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--- #129 fediverse/1895 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: C-programming-and-alcohol-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-1074
yeah drinking's overrated. I know I'd rather eat a home-cooked meal any day.
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--- #130 fediverse/2489 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
in peacetime, one may live as they define. they can be kooky and precious and
beautiful and kind. sometimes, though, that opportunity is taken away, and
suddenly life fades from view and all you are left with is perfect clarity.
I'd like to clarify why I feel the way I do about the situation at hand.
there are three reasons, so I think I'll put them in five posts, including
this one.
[1/5]
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--- #131 messages/1031 ---
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Sorry for the melodrama... Sometimes ya just gotta work stuff out. I talked to
a spiritual man and he helped me feel. I love feeling! Thanks guy : )
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--- #132 fediverse/3503 ---
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chat why do I only feel complete with a shortsword in my hand??
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--- #133 fediverse/790 ---
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@user-246
is this... undefined behavior? or does it evaluate to 5 every time it's called?
I find that often my art makes me feel intense emotions, not all of them good.
But sharing those emotions with others is a tricky task (so I've recently
learned) because you can easily overload people with negative feelings - just
because you're feeling bad, doesn't mean you need to make others feel bad.
Perhaps they were already feeling bad, and if you intensely and sharply poke
them with your intense emotions while they're in a vulnerable or safe
state/place... you can hurt them, more than you intended by expressing your
feelings.
balance in all things, as does a wave orbit a central axis so too should our
behavior align toward the direction we'd like to travel.
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--- #134 fediverse/1254 ---
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@user-889
I'm always here if you need me. Let me know if you'd prefer Telegram or
something.
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--- #135 fediverse/1010 ---
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I'm done trying to be neurotypical. So what if I starve.
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--- #136 fediverse/4225 ---
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I'm not scared. I know that whatever happens, we're here for each other.
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--- #137 fediverse/1407 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
you always think you want something, but then you don't, because expectations
are not reality, and you were just addicted to the feeling of hope.
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--- #138 fediverse/183 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: food │
└──────────────────────┘
ugh. eating? again? didn't we fix this problem yesterday?
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--- #139 fediverse/3865 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: drugs-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
@user-1218
oh, also, because I started taking some psychiatric medication to help with
the aforementioned delusional thinking or whatever. Honestly I think I just
believe in spiritual things like witchcraft and the human spirit or whatever,
but since I'm having difficulties doing basic things my doctors decided to
medicate me.
... but then I stopped taking those psychiatric drugs because they made me
feel numb and dense. It was hard to think. Thinking's all I do!!
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--- #140 messages/270 ---
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"you're special."
"I'm really not."
"do you doubt my judgement? Or yourself?"
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--- #141 messages/681 ---
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I think I'd be more upset if someone stabbed me in the hand or eye than the
heart.
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--- #142 messages/169 ---
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Sorry for my behavior. I am an undiagnosed scizophrenic, so I'm wrestling with
metaphorical demons. Sorry for attempting to interact with society, I get a
little lonely sometimes.
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--- #143 fediverse/5267 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-medical-political-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────┘
"okay but why are you so focused on outliving it"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #144 fediverse/4075 ---
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maybe if I "be myself" so hard that there's nothing left to keep secret,
they'll like me??
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--- #145 fediverse/938 ---
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@user-649
same... sometimes it feels like I step on toes that I didn't know existed! I
got tired of walking on egg shells so now I just try and religiously put
content warnings on things that feel intense.
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--- #146 messages/1023 ---
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I have stalled with such urgency that now i scarcely know how to act. Or
rather, how to know when to act. Everything's just... Waiting, butting in and
asking "hey how's the readiness?" and then slinking off to yonder and afore.
It's troubling to know how little i know. It troubles me still more to know
that others expect me to both act, and wait, and i am considering how to move
forward.
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--- #147 fediverse/3755 ---
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@user-1071
hehe it was my favorite job I've ever had
downside is... it was hard to get to work every day. I'm not built for
long-term dedicated labor. Maybe I should freelance? idk where to even begin
with that, though.
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--- #148 fediverse/3702 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────┘
just helped a friend move to a new place in 92` fahrenheit... I am
exHAUSted... and a different friend invited me to a bar T.T
we'll see how I feel after a shower and a nap.
I'm honestly a little delirious teehee
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--- #149 fediverse/612 ---
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Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #150 fediverse/4024 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #151 messages/213 ---
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Maybe I'm just woefully arcane?
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--- #152 fediverse/562 ---
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when peak unintelligibility levels have been reached, feel free to become
unremarkable at your leisure.
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--- #153 fediverse/4910 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-vaguely-gestured-at │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
what if me and my friends were too cute for this world and all the
conservatives who don't like queer people just fell in love and realized we're
pretty freakin' cool if you can get past the strange parts
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--- #154 fediverse/5681 ---
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I'm a helper and everyone wants me to be more agentic but it's like... no... I
don't wanna...
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--- #155 messages/103 ---
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*which is why I try to be as unique as I can.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #156 fediverse/3116 ---
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"I am just a person, and I will do what I can."
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #157 fediverse/2336 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
I think I might stay out late tonight. For the past week I've been going home
before dark, but I might stay late tonight.
Tell your friends, maybe you'll see me. Preferably one-on-one, because social
media posts can be filtered both non-and-consentually.
Unless they're sleeping after having driven from a great long ways. They can
sleep. 🥰
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #158 fediverse/4014 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
I don't know about you, but "trying my hardest" involves giving up sometimes.
How else are you to know your limits if you don't test your boundaries? And,
after finding that there's nowhere else for you to go, you turn around and
"give up", until you're ready for your next expedition.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #159 fediverse/5457 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: trans-sex-and-sexuality-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────┘
being post op basically feels like "what if your buttcheeks went all the way
forward"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│ similar │ chronological │ different │
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--- #160 fediverse/4252 ---
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sometimes I think I'd be better without social media.
And then I remember that it's the only way I know to talk.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #161 fediverse/5527 ---
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If you feel bad, maybe you have an iron deficiency!
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #162 fediverse/4274 ---
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this is how I nourish my brain.
By being hopelessly profane.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #163 messages/309 ---
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sometimes I'll accidentally get food on my hands and think "oh gross is this
why humans like to have napkins handy when eating?"
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--- #164 fediverse/393 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
sometimes I'd like to scream
as this life is like a dream
deranged a bit in my musings.
... what happened to the third line. WHERE DID IT GO. It was just here. Oh
well, guess I can't trust my ephemeral existence to inscribe my eternal
persistence upon and along these mewlings.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #165 fediverse/4141 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
@user-1268
I often walk to the grocery store, even though it's on the other side of the
highway
also I will walk sometimes to meet people nearby
it's a fun occasion
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #166 fediverse/2415 ---
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@user-1074 @user-1209 @user-1262
heh what kind of vibe do I give?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #167 fediverse/5092 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
"you know what this dish needs? some ramen noodle seasoning. Hang on, I think
I got some in my junk drawer."
said nobody ever
everyone knows there isn't just ONE junk drawer, but several hundred. They
multiply in the middle of the night, but it's by such a small constant factor
(0.015 ish according to our top scientists) that you don't notice until it
"flips the bit" and hits the new landmark which marks the miles since you got
stoned.
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--- #168 fediverse/5142 ---
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"you know what this dish needs? some ramen noodle seasoning. Hang on, I think
I got some in my junk drawer."
said nobody ever
everyone knows there isn't just ONE junk drawer, but several hundred. They
multiply in the middle of the night, but it's by such a small constant factor
(0.015 ish according to our top scientists) that you don't notice until it
"flips the bit" and hits the new landmark which marks the miles since you got
stoned.
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--- #169 fediverse/1617 ---
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daydreaming about a gang of tough guys who goes around knocking down the
internal fence walls in suburbia and throwing potlucks for all the neighbors
for a month or two so they have social opportunities to meet each other and
make friends
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--- #170 fediverse/6007 ---
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I always get the syntax backwards, for some reason...
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--- #171 fediverse/2873 ---
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┌────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: unsolicited advice │
└────────────────────────────┘
@user-883 @user-192
I don't update my kernel more than like, once every few months, so maybe that
would be something to look into! how scriptable is it?
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--- #172 fediverse/6374 ---
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what if a paladin got high with me, do you think we'd reinvent morality?
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--- #173 fediverse/1722 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
harsh lessons of adulthood - sometimes food is not eaten for the taste, but
rather for how it will make you feel slightly better in the next few days.
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--- #174 fediverse/6051 ---
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I wish I could go outside and see how things are going.
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--- #175 fediverse/1293 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: fedi meta, the bad space, fediblock, misleading and untrue cw, uspol, speedrunning discourse, industrial revolution, aquarium tips │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-921
where tf is all this discourse I always hear about like what are ya'll talking
about
... are you talking about me
[silly intrusive thoughts teehee pay no mind]
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--- #176 fediverse/3658 ---
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@user-883
yeah I probably should have said "tiara" hehe
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--- #177 fediverse/618 ---
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Can't stop thinking
[the rest is left blank, as a testament to the inability of the author to
express their thoughts in a temporally contextual way. Presumably the previous
text would be followed by an "about..." with the rest dedicated to a
particular thought that felt important enough to share with the internet.]
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--- #178 fediverse/4489 ---
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I miss my cat, but now that it's dark I can go looking for her again. : )
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--- #179 fediverse/3451 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────┘
dear ritz: you should stop talking until your new psychiatric meds take
effect. who knows, maybe you'll be a better person that people should listen
to instead of... whatever you are now.
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--- #180 fediverse/6321 ---
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"hey. wanna stretch with me? oh, whatever you want. I'll be doing my own
thing."
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--- #181 fediverse/3483 ---
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sometimes I think about how it'll never be yesterday again and that makes me
kinda sad.
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--- #182 fediverse/1349 ---
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@user-950
ah yes but how could anyone hurt me if I don't make myself vulnerable. It'd
simply be unfair to play a game without any stakes. But if you insist...
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--- #183 fediverse/3856 ---
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I'm tired of working as hard as I can and still ending up wrong
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--- #184 fediverse/304 ---
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shout out to all the people who think being cringe is a personality flaw and
not an opportunity for growth
ya'll suck and make life difficult in exchange for a brief moment where you
can savor a feeling of superiority over someone who's living their best life
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--- #185 fediverse/3401 ---
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@user-1218
thank you, that's good to hear 🥰
EDIT: I was worried for a moment haha I guess my reach is pretty small so idk.
I think people stopped screenshotting my posts and putting them elsewhere
after I dashed everyone's hopes on my sleeve. And honestly I kinda deserve it
haha like what was I even thinking
... I wasn't thinking I was just feeling, and doing. Oh well.
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--- #186 fediverse/761 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: capitalism │
└──────────────────────┘
would be great if all the good people had all the money. Too bad it kinda
feels like the opposite. Huh wonder why that is . . . ?
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--- #187 fediverse/4537 ---
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ah nuts, I didn't have enough money to pay the internet bill.
So if I disappear and/or delete my account in the near future, that's
definitely why.
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--- #188 fediverse/88 ---
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@user-92 I haven't received a single knock, I'm kinda broken up about it : (
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--- #189 fediverse/3031 ---
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the things that I suggest we do when we hang out are not because those are the
things I most want to do, but rather because they are the things that I think
you'd want to do.
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--- #190 fediverse/4945 ---
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right now I feel like a courtier
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--- #191 fediverse/1535 ---
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I only take things that aren't mine if they're in the trash. Or near the
trash. Or in a store.
so weird how the store won't let me leave until I give them some of my
dollars. This quartermaster drives a hard bargain!
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--- #192 messages/182 ---
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@sperm baby siblings: is it weird that I dream about you all significantly
more often than the people who are actually in my day to day life?
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--- #193 fediverse/6154 ---
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it's fine I'm fine don't worry about it idk why I posted that
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--- #194 fediverse/4866 ---
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don't you just love it when you get several discord notifications but you tab
back to check out the discord screen and there's no red numbers anywhere?
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--- #195 fediverse/5650 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
I exist now at the height of my gluttony.
I need more to be demanded of me.
I am not afraid to ask for help.
I solve other people's problems before my own.
I have very little insight into my habits and patterns.
My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter.
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--- #196 fediverse/5158 ---
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if you ever EVER feel unsafe while walking outdoors, then that place needs
more strength and co-security.
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--- #197 fediverse/5793 ---
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I posted my words text file all over the c it y today. not sure why. maybe I'm
tired of this course and I don't want to let anyone down? Maybe I don't know
what to do yet. Maybe nobody works with me because everyone's keeping it on
the DL or whateverr?
... anyway enough typing, I'm going to go play a video game. like god intended.
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--- #198 fediverse/5858 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
Oh, duh. I felt that way because I'd have to use those bones and muscles in
the near future. It all makes sense now...!
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--- #199 fediverse/547 ---
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@user-395
You are very welcome. I love putting additional context into places that
people don't often look. I think it makes people feel special when they find
it ^_^
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--- #200 fediverse/4757 ---
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@user-882
I kinda figure that people follow me for the alarms and the curses and the
manic political dysphoria. I do try and CW when I can but sometimes I get to
the end and it's like... okay I got 4 characters remaining, pol~ maybe?
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|