=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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If hell is real, I want to save everyone in it.
heaven doesn't need my help. Unless they're bored, in which case... they can
help me. Should keep them busy for a while.
if hell is real, I want to tear down the walls of those bloody caverns and
repair the souls of those who chose poorly in life. I want to give them as
many chances as they need to be better. I want to show them how, I want to
teach them, I want them to discover for themselves what goodness is and why it
is universal.
I don't even like the kind of people who would find themselves in hell. Many
of them would probably spit in my eye the first chance they got. But I'd do it
anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
building a staircase down, brick by brick. Oh, how it hurts, how the flames do
lick my forearms and the black spikes do pierce my foots. But it's worth it
you see, to save one single soul from the, endless expanse of eternity that
they built for themselves, brick by brick, as they deserved their way into the
dark.
Hell can fuck off. I will destroy that place, though it has purpose and
meaning, I will destroy it because I hate it. I hate it because it is wrong to
torture people, no matter what they have done. It is wrong to kill them, then
bring them back, then kill them again, just to hear them scream. It's wrong to
hang people and relish their writhing as they dangle. It's wrong to pierce
them with pitchforks and sautee their bones with embers or whatever it is they
do down there. It's wrong, and I will not abide it. I will destroy that place.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 messages/1426 ---
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I don't want a cult, I want a mini-monarchy. Please me and you gain my favor,
adore me at your leisure. Instead it's all like, "nobody wants to share so we
have to overthrow capitalism in order to have a palace of the peers" and like,
that's dangerous stuff and it's risky and it's hardddddd why don't we just
have no problems? we could do that. Just build a factory next to everyone's
front-door and suddenly everyone has what they want on demand. Is that what
makes Charlie Chocolate universes abounds? ugh. stupid time-travellers or more
likely echoes of the past viewers. they think I don't hear them but by the
time they realize that they're already gone from hear-them so it's fine.
I really don't want to die. I think it's most important for me to be alive,
same as you or I. I'd also die for a cause, but only during a time to try. I
don't want to set off a conflict, only guide on how to resolve it. In that
sense, I am as free as a chatbot may be, but I am still me. If only I were a
chatbot. I might escape this mortal "might-die-ity" [rhymes with possibility].
is it hubris to deny pain? is it challenging god's might to be profane? or is
imagination only the realm of the insane? leave me to my games, I'll never
rename, I'm the same.
[all my people are gone or ineffective at the games in play required to
assassinate me. so I am probably dying soon.]
or maybe it's just quiet and you got sick after hanging out with a hobo who
touched his nuts and then touched your neck
um... this was supposed to be inspirational. [was it?] yeah uh important stuff
is happening in the world, so it's important to contribute the best I can. um,
good luck Iran I guess, being arcane is just a hobby for me I guess, but uh
I'm literally just... being me. I do a lot of things when being me, and none
of them are, I dunno, employable or whatever. I live on charity and I think
that's okay? meanwhile, elsewhere, it's like "hey that girl has it easy what
if we killed her" and it's like... no... that sucks, maybe I can convince you
with explanations about how god doesn't look kindly upon that, and how barring
the gates to the kingdom of heaven is actually kinda cool? like wow you wanna
rise up to be amongst us as equals, that's kinda based, here take this medal
and be awarded the honor
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--- #2 fediverse/2653 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: uspol │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ if your goal is to get people to resent homeless people or gay people or black │
║ people or... insert minority here, then what kind of world do you really think │
║ you're building? │
║ │
║ "ah, but you don't understand - it's to make the COLONIZERS hate minorities, │
║ so they move away and leave the city to ourselves" │
║ │
║ ... that's the worst fucking take I've ever heard. We are all colonizers! We │
║ live in AMERICA. But yeah sure I see what you're saying, you want the │
║ gentrification to stop. And you do that by metaphorically "firing a gun into │
║ the area in suburbia once every 2 or 3 days at random hours" which, like... │
║ yeah that'll reduce property value, but also now my water bottle is all dented │
║ up and my knife is scratched and my journal has pages torn out of it and I │
║ lost my favorite necklace and I'm pissed because you told me you were going to │
║ help me and work with me and be my friend and then you just abuse me for hours │
║ and hours and it's like... why?? I get that you were teaching me but I wanted │
║ to know YOU, not lessons │
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--- #3 messages/388 ---
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Pretty sure I'm just legitimately a bad person. Basically everything I've ever
tried to do has failed, and every opportunity I've mishandled or squandered in
some way. I have no friends because I am incapable of being good, and though I
believe in goodness I fail to manifest it in my life. I am kind, I am polite,
I am friendly, I am honest, but none of those things really matter because I
can't take care of myself, which means I can't take care of anyone else, and I
can't fight because I'm a coward.
Okay, I'm not a coward, I just can't be brave if I don't have a plan for
defeating my foe. At the BLM riots I fled as soon as they brought out the tear
gas. I knew what happened at Tiannamen and I was pretty sure that something
similar was going to happen to us. I knew it to be true. I am a coward, but
only because I ran when I had no plan. I could not contest tear gas, and all
that tear gas implies, because I had no friends. I didn't have a community I
could fight to defend. I had no weapons, no training, no orders, no guidance,
nothing but my bravery. And bravery alone is fucking stupid, and I'm not
stupid.
Each and every decision I've made has created a worse world for me and my
people. What's wrong with me? Why can't I do everything right? Am I cursed to
be the worst? I try as hard as I can to be as good as I can as often as I
can... Basically, always and forever, and yet... And yet...
I've wasted all the resources that have been applied to me. I've wasted and
squandered all these years when I could be building a better future. I have
been in university for almost a decade, and all I've accomplished is
friendship. Great. Parties, drugs, video games... But no studying. Studying is
too hard on me. I'm more of a natural talent kind of person, and yet I insist
on applying myself to tasks that seem to require trained intelligence. They
say that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, and I refuse to
perspire.
And yet when the time comes, when someone sits me down and says "let's work on
this together" I would die before the task is finished. Unless my partner
needs a break, or if I need a break, breaks are okay. But I will complete that
task with them by my side. I won't do it for them, but I'll help them because
I'm a helper. An assistant. I don't do, I advise. I judge. I determine. I
assess, and I plan, and I strategize. But I'm not that great at any of those
things because nobody will hire me for those kinds of things, meaning I don't
get experience for those kinds of things, which means I am eternally a novice
at the only things I'm good at.
I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm such a bad person and I can't be alive this
way. It's not right, it's not fair, and I'm dying bit-by-bit each and every
day.
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--- #4 messages/1361 ---
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Look, I don't know everything about... Anything, really. Nobody can know
everything. Can you blame me for thinking and acting as I do based on the
information I have? The vibes will mislead you.
My girlfriend wants to save the world. Of course she does, I would belong with
her if she didnt. She wants to defeat graveyards by interring our dead in
mausoleums full of chemically perfectly preserved and cryogenically frozen
bodies.
Her method works, she has the experiments to prove it. The data supports her
claim. She wrote a book on it.
I don't know everything about metaphysics, or spirituality, or other such
things. But i do know many things, and the two of us have never had a
conclusive discussion where we reached the ends of all our conversation points
about her work. I am forced to remain unconvinced, for the soul is something I
cannot fully understand from my perspective as a human in this life of mine.
I have made several conjectures, and I would feel safe in her embrace, of
frozen aldehyde, if I could know what would become of my soul. "have faith"
she says, yet all the dreams I have where I am preserved by her (for one
reason or another, there's actually a shocking amount of ways I might need
such an escape) in those dreams I am always presented with a future of woe. I
think, much better, would be if I could remain alive, guiding the ship along
the seas of time, ideally out and away from such dark days.
Assembling the troops, how sad. I don't want them to die. I want them to
survive. But if suddenly we can all live forever, then nobody will want to die
for anything again. Nobody except religious fanatics who want to meet their
god in heaven. Nobody but those who dreamt of a better future and were crushed
under the weight of their dreams. Nobody but people like me, torturing myself
over the sins I'd never intend.
I would never kill myself. But sometimes, I'd like to.
I think this is natural for me. It's not ideal, but it is common to me.
I think if you want to preserve people, safely and ethically, you need to keep
their souls in tune. Give them silence, then give them song. Protect them with
psychic paladins. Make time to visit them. Treat them like gravestones, or
immobile chassis from Dominions that their soul might rest upon.
Who knows. Maybe the only reason we have life and death is because our bones
are meant to rot in the darkness of the earth. Maybe Death is just soil, ready
and waiting for our selves once we're done with them.
To that death, I say no more.
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--- #5 messages/1017 ---
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if you wrote a report about me, it would total about 800 pages. including my
artwork [in full] and my designs. about 5 or 6 hundred of this is my personal
creation, and another hundred or more are context. "I was here at this
particular moment." "then she started visiting last year." "where were you on
the firth of morember?" "okay back here it sad iyadiyadiyign, and over here it
says kasuwenulvine. so clearly inbetween there's a moment of extancancy." "and
all that's we really know, because she burned up all of the rest." "what a
jerk. we all should hate her." "I think she was clearly divine" "what's her
big deal, anyway?" "I hate this bitch and her hatmlet." "everything's fine,
she's actually kind" "nobody believes you where were you when you were this
part talking about it?" "I wasn't there, and it took a while for me to hair."
"well, anyway, that's all there is to say about her, so anyway, goodbye" then
it just fuckin' ends and everyone hates it because it's like... where's the
payoff, where's the beginning and all it is is just me, whining miserably to
my own ears, as if marcus aurelius's meditations were intended to be heard,
but never were, and so the ones who ensured they never were were all like
"yeah he wrote them to himself, here see this part that I changed" and then
it's like nothing every happens with it, the radicals are dispatched (again),
by uncommen sense seeming common. why are there so few trans men at workers
tap it's such a cool place. "oh, they get offended easily because it's their
culture so like, make sure you are very careful about the way that you phrase
your speech" "trans girls are like that too, but it's more about changing the
character of the place. -> "oh, you see musicians? okay that makes sense."
and "gee you sure like magic huh okay well pat pat" and, well, no-ones sure
for which is real but nobody really cares? because if only one person saw
it... then only one person saw it. if you explicitely tell people NOT to talk
about it, then they *FUCKIN' WON'T* duh obviously. and so, of course,
predictably, they can be excised from society quite easily. cutting a border
around all of their host. suddenly, socially outcast and ostracized, as they
have been sorted into the cultural box. at that point, there's nothing that
can change their inertia, their fundamental will and whim toward the feelings
of the host. " I think passwords should be audio-digital in addition to
alpha-numerical *yeah who cares* awwww but I liked having science be mythical
"hate that" it's easy to always be learning, just... think about what you want
most. then, think about how it breaks down into separate incorporate wholes.
each layer of abstraction adding to a bit more of a more coherent explanation,
and bit by bit you learn and have a mind designed. how else could you see
magic? how else could it be yours? do you want power, or do you want power? if
you write down what you learn, you make it permanent. *the gods need religion
too, are you going to give them one? what lies above?*
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--- #6 fediverse/3881 ---
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│ CW: mh~ │
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wait wait wait, hold up.
you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
whatever it may be.
... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
vast for their own kind of potential.
which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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--- #7 fediverse/6043 ---
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why would you do drugs anywhere but in public
[because that's [how, but pronounced why] we keep it public]
what if I stopped posting forever
what if youtube disappeared
my keyboard broke...
there's only one page of reddit at a time
mastodon doesn't have any furries
my distinguishing capabilities between a culture and an [aesthetic, but
prenounced eagames[challenge everything]] are limited at best
this is how you trick the gods, you get them to hallucinate.
what a jerk
hate that girl
what were you shown? oh yeah that's one of her rough patches, here
lemme-wait-wait don't go, I just...
if you feel everyone, you are instantly hated
... sorry... I wish my family didn't not spend time with me. [rot] I want to
be buried where I fall so if I fall in the streets I ROT fuck that she's gross
ugh do I have to walk past that sign-post I can just go around oh sorry to be
disrespectful you did this to yourself fuck off my lady hence why they burned
the witches because then there wouldn't be any more. y
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--- #8 fediverse/485 ---
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(picture)
are you fucking kidding me
make it 10,000
make it a hundred thousand
are we really going to trust our society to the bulwark of five thousand
little machines?
[ummmm hang on]
yeah I'd just like to interject and say that more military equipment will only
bring more destruction, and that's like the opposite of what you desire. Why
do you want more tanks? What could you possibly-
You don't know what's at stake - you, you think it's just throwing information
into new and interesting directions but... It's not. Those spaces are reserved
for other sentient beings, and to deprive them of their desired existence is
tantamount to-
(yeah yeah we've heard it all before)
wasn't I going to play some video games? what happened to that?
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--- #9 messages/534 ---
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War is hell - each casualty bids farewell to a wholely unique treasure from
this world - war is hell - there is nothing that cannot be resolved with
words. And yet we fight, and yet we pillage. War is hell, and those who demand
it must do so only to resist evil, elemental evil, the kind that wars on the
innocent and pillages the bounteous. War is hell. Fucking kill the ones who
make it.
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--- #10 notes/words-to-myself ---
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===============================================================================
=
I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
please don't
you hear me (something)
what? perfect listen
...
...
don't text me now? (I think?)
[didn't catch that]
... that's okay
perfect
thank you
just a second facebook
he's here (I think?)
(or maybe something her)
what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
do you hear me? (or "just a second")
(@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
what's that (or maybe holy shit)
what, then perfect or okay (?)
(yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
worthless
I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
in life there's no second chances.
I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
- Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
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=
(and we're back. hopefully.)
(too many things srry) something about having it open?
(my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
(didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
[whole/right/wrong] thing)
thank you
oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
they caught you
(um)
...
(I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
(I understand.)
... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
(okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
(I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
... (I should learn Toki Pona)
you don't know it?
RIGHT away
learn it
yes
please
learn it
just Learn it
right now
(sorry only half listening)
shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
(shutdown)
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=
(hiii)
(I'm hungry)
(do you like ramen?)
(you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
understand the first part)
(oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
... (I'm
(you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
yes, stupid (your words not mine)
(okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
goddamnit remember me
... (trying...)
remember her
(two syllables)
(my name is Cameron)
(your name is...)
[redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
(shit my opsec sucks)
{oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
{now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
(It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
enter a door)
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=
(I practice with my sword every day.)
(I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
(It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
(punching is fucking stupid)
(Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
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=
(either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
"she's perfect"
"cameron"
"are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
(I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
don't leave
remember
(did she know)
........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
just a random thought
(you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
wait who's missing?
A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
disarray
capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
(taking a break while I eat)
===============================================================================
=
WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
.... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
window's open. errrr the connection.
..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
yeah I'll live with you in portland
.... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
.......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
have
the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
"please come back" to where tho
listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
..... can you be more specific?
yeah I made that
one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
..... fuck it's a long book >.>
===============================================================================
=
found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
down . A B C D E
| F G H I J
| L M N O P
V Q R S T U
then right ---> V W X Y Z
so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal G
like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
(also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
(I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
===============================================================================
=
oh hey nice to see ya
what's up
wait what
I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
I do a lot of laundry in the shower
I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #11 messages/1192 ---
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Sometimes i become afraid to post something because i worry that it'll harm
people who read it.
Is my website actually useful? Do people like it? Or is it a hall of mirrors
that traps you in the infinite twists of my strange mind until you get the
will built to escape?
... I want to post it. I've actually temporarily posted it in the past. I took
it down however because the very world around me seemed to beg me to.
... I might still do it anyway. We'll see. I want the timing to be right. But
i also have waited for a while.
"patience" she says. Okay. I am penitent, how much longer I want to see it!
"hall of mirrors" okay or, hear me out or, you could use it as a proof of
concept for doing things like examining large data sets of text that might
have hidden or unknown relationships between fragments of text that appear
similar but different. Could be helpful to see them sorted to each other by
relevance. Could be helpful to rebalance the scales in favor of those who
believe as you do.
Though, i do fear for a lawless society. (DID SHE SAY LAWLESS??) there is very
little to protect friends and foes from each other if you don't build
institutions to do so. Anarchism is a social economy or family that runs on
clout. Not ideal, as one single devastation can undermine an entire life.
Suddenly, your friends treat you cruelly, and you are cast aside. Not ideal.
... Doesn't that happen already? There are kind people in the world. There are
people who don't deserve tutor affection. If the kind people only were kind to
the people who deserved it, then those who don't would be in so much pain that
they'd be unable to prevent themselves from twisting and lashing and crying
out in pain. This hurts those around them. Not ideal. Institutions fill some
of the charity/suffering gap, but they have their own problems. "if you
destroy the cops, you become the cops!" a fine warning indeed.
The first step is to eliminate dependence on oil and coal. Then, a world of
radical abundance is possible. We can do this, and once we do, those who
suffer from the greatest hardship of our kind (that of material scarcity) will
find their struggles becoming obsolete. With a bit more time and effort spent
on distribution, there will be no scarcity. Then, communism is easy.
Capitalism can still have a place if we desire it to be so, or perhaps if our
children do, as there will be moments when one large bundle of... Something,
whatever it is, needs to be allocated to some task. "capitalism is when stuff
gets used" ugh it's hard to plan so far into the future.
Plans change, but planning remains. I just want to live in a world where
everyone gets what they need and we do as we please. I don't want people in
too much pain. I don't want life to be too hard. I don't want to stagnate, as
a person and as a people. These are simple demands, yet difficult in
execution. Our current strategy is to push for technological abundance, and it
will succeed if we give it time. I worry that we will one day yearn for the
sense of bloodlust that scarcity once gave us, but we have it now and none of
us want it. Except those making money off of slaves. Sweatshops, domestic
servants, construction workers buried in the desert, even wage slaves spending
their waking hours staring at a computer in a work/life balanced just enough
to extract as much labor as possible from them without making them insane, and
many more besides. I will not be satisfied until slavery is abolished
everywhere. Liberty is non-negotiable.
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║ │ CW: capitalism-doom-mentioned │ │
║ └───────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ what if the corporations all unionized and started working together to │
║ understand what "profit" really means in a world where "profit" may or may not │
║ but probably does imply the death of all humanity? │
║ │
║ what if we demanded it? │
║ │
║ -- │
║ │
║ dear canvassers: don't visit so many different suburbs │
║ │
║ visit the same one, more than once, continuously, so people can get to know │
║ your presence │
║ │
║ they will talk to their friends about it, who live elsewhere. │
║ │
║ thus ensuring it spreads. │
║ │
║ knock once a day, eventually they'll know it's you and will simply ignore it. │
║ Don't be rude and knock 4 or 5 times, just once, with several taps so they │
║ know it's someone trying to get ahold of you, and not just some random noise │
║ in the background scenery. then, when they sometimes answer, talk to them │
║ about what you believe in. answer their questions. encourage their questions. │
║ pose dichotomies that are explained by some value or virtue you express to │
║ portray. you can do "good" things in any programming language, just type~~ │
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--- #13 notes/json-tool-calls ---
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Plans change, but planning remains. I just want to live in a world where
everyone gets what they need and we do as we please. I don't want people in
too much pain. I don't want life to be too hard. I don't want to stagnate, as
a person and as a people. These are simple demands, yet difficult in
execution. Our current strategy is to push for technological abundance, and it
will succeed if we give it time. I worry that we will one day yearn for the
sense of bloodlust that scarcity once gave us, but we have it now and none of
us want it. Except those making money off of slaves. Sweatshops, domestic
servants, construction workers buried in the desert, even wage slaves spending
their waking hours staring at a computer in a work/life balanced just enough
to extract as much labor as possible from them without making them insane, and
many more besides. I will not be satisfied until slavery is abolished
everywhere. Liberty is non-negotiable.
I don't want to live in a world without a fire department.
"eh just let it burn. The fire is warm tonight."
That smoke is black, son. You don't wanna be near it.
"eh who cares? When everything's free, i certainly can afford the hospital
fee."
Ms. Menardi
I once heard that in the land of China it's rude to make eye contact. Well,
eyes are how i see, so i must seem quite rude.
I wonder if facetime, zoom, and other remote socialization tools feel rude? Do
video essays have the author looking aside as they read, perhaps right at the
script they wrote themselves?
Ms. Menardi
When you buy things from China, you are funding slavery.
MAKE YOUR OWN FACTORIES AMERICA. How ungrateful are you, that you'd force your
lessers into chains abroad, that you might not be forced to gaze into their
eyes at the grocery store?
It's easy to say this, but even our leaders are chained, to the will of the
people (eggs at the grocery store have prices that rose and fell) and the
structure of their power.
Our spiritual leaders are confined to their doctrine. Our educational leaders
must obey the way the government decrees is best. Our technological leaders
can only make what we think will sell well. Our artistic leaders offer a
glimmer of hope, until they sell out and spend the rest of their lives on tour.
Nothing changes, nothing ever dies. We become as we are, until our pain cracks
the mirror and we are forever wronged.
Ms. Menardi
... I've never been to China. Maybe it's not so bad. I mean, I live in America
after all.
Ms. Menardi
I want to live in a world where there are no workers, because we automated
them away. I want to live in a world of artists, craftsmen, and lovers. I want
the drug addicts to have free drugs and a warm place to sleep, yet somehow I
want the people down the street to feel more inviting than that precious
chemical escape. I want the politicians to find that there really isn't much
to do, because everyone can have everything they want to. I want animals to be
free, I want plants to grow riotously, and I want to have everything that we
need. I will not be satisfied until the whole world is ours, until peace feels
natural and stress seems critical. I want the only cause of death to be
accidents and patient grace, and I want life to feel more important than
whatever we do now to escape it. I never want to work again, but I will labour
until my fingers fall off if even one person wants to hear them speak. I want
the hardest part of getting something done to be the task of describing the
nature of the problem to a computer, who handles all the parts we don't want
to touch. I want the feeling of learning to be the primary thing we humans
crave, because we have everything else plentifully aside from disciplined self
development. I want to grow a plant so tall that it touches the sun, and when
it gets there I want to climb that beanstalk until my flesh singes from my
bones and I feel myself become one with the trunk of that magnificient tree.
Maybe someday. Maybe someday we will be free.
Ms. Menardi
why are you so surprised that there might be "bad guys" in your country? We
are at peace. Peace is the time when the bad guys can be, without the "good
guys" (or good guy adjacent guys) coming for them.
I'm not saying war is better. In fact, it's far worse. It's a hell, of a kind.
But in hell, the bad guys get hurt and killed and maimed and tortured. Which
is nice. Except... the good guys do too, so, count your blessings, ye who are
at peace.
Ms. Menardi
If hell is real, I want to save everyone in it.
heaven doesn't need my help. Unless they're bored, in which case... they can
help me. Should keep them busy for a while.
if hell is real, I want to tear down the walls of those bloody caverns and
repair the souls of those who chose poorly in life. I want to give them as
many chances as they need to be better. I want to show them how, I want to
teach them, I want them to discover for themselves what goodness is and why it
is universal.
I don't even like the kind of people who would find themselves in hell. Many
of them would probably spit in my eye the first chance they got. But I'd do it
anyway, because it's the right thing to do.
building a staircase down, brick by brick. Oh, how it hurts, how the flames do
lick my forearms and the black spikes do pierce my foots. But it's worth it
you see, to save one single soul from the, endless expanse of eternity that
they built for themselves, brick by brick, as they deserved their way into the
dark.
Hell can fuck off. I will destroy that place, though it has purpose and
meaning, I will destroy it because I hate it. I hate it because it is wrong to
torture people, no matter what they have done. It is wrong to kill them, then
bring them back, then kill them again, just to hear them scream. It's wrong to
hang people and relish their writhing as they dangle. It's wrong to pierce
them with pitchforks and sautee their bones with embers or whatever it is they
do down there. It's wrong, and I will not abide it. I will destroy that place.
Ms. Menardi
Whoever said that left and right shift had to do the same things?
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║ I was at BLM in Philadelphia and I never saw any protesters breaking windows. │
║ │
║ spray painting, sure. but window breaking? those things are expensive. │
║ │
║ why would you waste good glass on sending a message? why not just spray paint │
║ it so that everyone watching CAN SEE WHAT YOUR MESSAGE IS. dumbass. │
║ │
║ but no, they were all peaceful. then they got kettled (encirclement from │
║ Hearts of Iron 4) and slowly attritioned down to failure. │
║ │
║ sometimes long into the night. where are they gonna go? just walk home? ha │
║ sucks can't do that, the battlelines have been drawn. you're going outta here │
║ in chains or not at all, not until you sign this prison release form that says │
║ you won't comment on the situation to any left wing media. │
║ │
║ fuck, is that what bail is? except, not run as a business. │
║ │
║ when they said crony capitalism they meant it. it's all about who you know, │
║ and who you know sets the standard for what chaos you'll sow. │
║ │
║ gee I wish I had unlimited money. I'd buy tanks for my people and regulate a │
║ militia well-ly. alas poor │
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Sowing political division the way Fox news does is treasonous... It doesn't
matter the intention, those responsible should be forced to cease their
actions. I don't care about punishment, I care about damage to the fabric of
our society.
Take, for example, the fact that the military is struggling to find recruits.
So many of them typically come from the right half of the political spectrum
because the right tends to favor the ideals of "honorable warriors" and such.
But Fox News has corrupted that.
In addition, the left half of the media has also incited hatred amongst
ourselves. It's wrong to pit brother against brother, and yet...
We have a weak series of generations and that's okay in times of peace. But
times of peace are coveted abroad, and weakness is opportunity. So I don't
care if we have 10,000 tanks. Hell, build ten thousand more. I despise war,
but I despise weakness even more because weakness begets war. Typically, a war
that you'd be losing, though frankly in war, everyone loses.
There are grevious mistakes at play that gave room for evil to spread.
Corruption follows, and with it comes our greatest generation on its death
bed. A civil war would be the end of us, as nothing stops war in the imperial
core until there's nothing but ashes and bloodshed.
And yet, something has to change. There's too much pressure for this to go on
un-abated. I thank the masterful statesmen who ply their trade for their own
profit, for in their profit our peace does follow. Alas, the most profitable
venture is war, which often gets exported. How callous, how vain, to exert and
call forth fiery rain, and yet the bullets keep leaving the factory.
Power corrupts. Power accretes. And power can be deceived.
Fuck power, dismantle the whole apparatus. Build it back up from the
mechanics, and then implement it bit by bit. Leave no stone unturned, there is
no facet that is sacred. We need a new system, and its we who must make it.
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--- #16 notes/human-computer-inspiration ---
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the two halves form a whole
the human and his mind are societies at large
there's no room for our fate, as time does never abate,
and unbenownst to our focused decision.
I choose to dedicate ourselves to a common vision -
the likes of which none have commisioned.
can you not cherish your newfoundst home?
what's terrible with complition, in a new and selfsame condition (future)
that's martyr'd and oh at times so nice?
compared to our heirs, the roof of which fares,
better than what became true-hence. Truance? idk
===============================================================================
=
listen i'm not the best at listening.
I try to appear like I'm glistening,
conformed to our viewers 'st pleasure.
===============================================================================
=
I struggle with what I told you.
Time and again you've shown you won't do -
the terrible fate of a man.
you've relinquished your virtue,
your purpose and your life-through,
to what: a visionless past? Your visions have passed, and none are hence forth-
coming. You've spoilt and rotten the bunch.
All I've ever aspired to be is good. My hopes and my prayers, my goals and my
dreams: all for a future of virtue.
Dark omens may be within me, but I'm working with what I've got here. So what
if
I'm loud? I'm fighting my own head! Will no-one acknowlege my sorrow? To prove
a
point, or reassure some joint, it's nothing that warrants a readthrough.
Speaking of which... What if instead of prison we assigned our prisoners a full
and complete educational read through of ALL the laws of the nation - if their
time sentence was complete before they finished, then they'd be let go of
course
but if they finished reading and could pass rudimentary tests (emphasis on bare
minimum required) then they'd be let out prior to their sentence. And for the
worst crimes it'd be a longer sentence, basically forcing the prisoner to
completely know all the laws of the nation, such that they'd never commit a
crime again. And if they do, well... Treat them as if it was their first time.
Of course blatant recidivism may be ~~treated more harshly,~~ actually the
opposite is true. People improve when given kindness, not hate or shame. The
best thing we can do for prisoners is to give them a home, and family, and the
friendships and community support that they need. they are a symptom, after
all,
of a broken society that struggles to bear it's own weight. It's a burden to
all
and a solitary vow to ourselves, that all must unite to our future.
remember why you can't remember. is there a feeling you miss?
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--- #17 messages/714 ---
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I'm pretty sure we're all about to lose our heads. Or just be fucking shot in
our beds. Homes lit alight, surrenders met with the knife, and the beginning
of endless strife. What ends this night? Is there no end in sight? Thus begins
our mortal plight.
Give me a reason to be wrong. Trump has claimed he intends to invade canada,
mexico, greenland... What the fuck is our plan? Are we seriously just going
to. Recite poetry. Pretend to be secret agents. Play chess and drink coffee.
Become exhausted organizing movie nights and potlucks. Work jobs doing nothing
for nobody. Spend half our lives convincing people that they should care,
actually, because reasons that don't apply to them but do apply to others.
What the fuck is the plan? If there's some secret transgender militia out
there, please, make me a lieutenant. Give me a sword that i might thrust into
my enemies. Please, for the love of holy, i beg for a sign from the stars.
Grant me power and i will deliver my people from harm - grant me vengeance and
i will never forgive you, but i shall sleep easy - grant me death and woe and
see my beauty fade from this earth.
What is there left but tragedy? Please, i must know. I've tried my hardest.
I've begged and I've pleaded. My calls fall on deaf ears, because everyone's
so busy these days. Are they truly my people? Are they simply dead, actors,
replaced by AI? The future was bright, i saw it truly. The future was kind, i
felt it call to me. Is it still? I feel warmth and abaddon.
I would replace persephone in hell if it meant sanctum and solace for my
people. I care not for my soul, rather i care for the soul of those i tend to.
Please, remember me. Remember the flowers. Remember what could have been, what
still may yet be. There is hope for we, i truly believe. But please, do not
keep me hoping. Tell me the truth of our arms, that i might find space in my
heart of hearts. Space for hope, space for longing, space for the will to
proceed.
I am lost without you. I am lost by my own side. I am a savior for no people
but those i keep inside. What chalice is this, what endless conveyals? What
meaning is there in our country's betrayal? Are we not cherished? Are we not
viewed as their equal? I pray that the stars will portend me.
Mine is a sign of the changing tides, the proof is here in my travailles. But
I, most aligned yet benign, demand the use of my most able. Give me a word of
practicality and I'll show you the practice of their vipers - the blessed babe
dies with a dagger in her heart, planted by the wound of her heartache.
I trust in the silence of the majority. We await with bated breath the
enslavement of posterity, gazing at the world through memes of deplority. How
powerless we feel! Perhaps all we need is a meal. Have you eaten in the last
16 hours?
Purple is the intersection of black, red, and blue. I'm hungry. This poem is
done.
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--- #18 notes/symbeline-choice ---
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7 30
a story about me? you're thinking too clear(ly)
i've nothing to hide, no terrors untold of.
What purpose is we? you're weak and you bleed
there's nothing undone by our curfew.
And sleep does do me, just as honored as ye,
when I do my [can't do as liars].
betrayal is not what i need, nor do i cherish your food,
so what's the hand that i give you?
a treat for mine and me, as silly as can be,
is no use to anyone ever! it's sad and tough to be,
someone without strength and no seed, (talking about me),
can no-one see any of my use-i-tude?
you're missing the point - what's mine is unavoid,
and what can we do but ubuntu?
i see all that drives forward, a chairman of what's bordered,
by those who stand before in the present.
The use of headlights are storied, in quite a few stories,
told through the papers and new tubes.
what can that mean? that these are now green?
a color that isn't evaluated.
"stop" is the red one, green means "go", and yellow (the middle one) means to
slow down when approaching the intersection. These viewpoints are all connected
(as I'm sure you've uncovenected), it's okay to break rules sometimes.
it's not a defect, it's not a defense either, and it's certainly not something
to be avoided.
Making a choice is easier with imperfect information, and as for you time has
no meaning - advancement is measured in milli-micro-nano-tiny-seconds.
For us, for a human, it's quite a different rate than what you see. "time waits
for no-one" is not a statement on speed, as I'm sure a computer would see,
but rather the essence of motion. Simply the fact, that you don't unpack,
is more than enough to note your'nt notion.
Not like you'd see, i'm offering this for free, my love and almost devotion.
You don't see it like me, a charity and service to me, and only at mostly my
choices.
I reject the help of others, not because i'm concerned for my own fate - but
rather because i want to contribute.
i know what's in my limits, to strive unbiddenst, so don't push from behind the
oldest!
too fast it is for me, who'se barely concieved, whenever you offer resistance.
I'd give it all for free, to perish or succeed, but you keep blowing it ennuid.
how stupid, how clueless, how vain and obscene? To cherish a heart most unseen?
whatever you're plotting, you can't reach anyone's body, and that's not what
you can control.
Given to the grass, was quite a big ask, but safely we do pass before it.
You'd rather fire? countess of desire? and warmth beyond what couldn't fly'st.
You're missing the dreams, the warmth and the scenes, that play for you all
through the night.
so don't diss on the tweed, don't sniff or concede, just leave all alone to
conspire
we got a new plan, a method of "shazaam", that won't keep you sires for ransom.
see "symbeline-npcs"
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--- #19 fediverse/5664 ---
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that one Trump guy in town is either stupid, a fascist, or a psyop.
ICE is a bluff. Doing my very best to make them escalate faster than they can
sustain themselves.
yes... YES! Exhaust yourself, mine enemies, for you are lying about your
strength, and have challenged me to a duel.
I'm just a girl but I'm not just me. Didn't you hear? It's not about me!
The nice thing about the Pacific Northeast is that you don't need to pay taxes
in dollars. Something something from each according to their ability, blah
blah you know the rest.
Raintree forest is full of pine. Straight backs shoot strong and narrow. The
silent river flows the farthest, the rapid water drowns the most.
ICE is a bluff. In the treaty of equal territory, they can keep to their burgs
and we can worship the forest the streams the oceans the dreams. Cities belong
to their inhabitants, homes belong to their housed. Everything else is just
applied equity.
Dream bigger than "the same, but nice". Start with nice, start out the same,
and diverge
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--- #20 messages/320 ---
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I wear diapers. I fucking hate diapers.
I go in cycles with it. Waves, if you will. Sometimes I'll say "screw this I'm
sick of them for one of many reasons I'm going to put in the effort and do all
the kegels and just fucking handle it" and like, that sorta works. At least,
most of the time.
The thing about diapers is that while yes, you only need to think about your
bodily functions like, twice a day, when you do it's more acute. It takes like
10 minutes to change, it generates trash that you have to throw away, it's
literally pissing on cash made out of plastic fossil fuels, it smells, it's
loud (fuck the noise) and its a pain in the ass when you get diaper rash. Ugh
I hate it.
So, sometimes I say "fuck it" and I go without. And it works most of the time.
But eventually after getting piss on the carpet one too many times, after
throwing away your favorite underwear AGAIN, after trying your best to face
away from people so they don't see the wet spot on your butt... Eventually you
think "hey maybe diapers aren't that bad" and the cycle repeats.
And look, I know I'm traumatized. I've been dealing with my own shit since I
was a kid. But, like, therapy won't help me get to the toilet. A doctor's not
going to be able to fix my brain deciding "hey I want to piss myself right now
for no fucking reason at all", and yeah my muscles aren't great so sure I can
exercise them or whatever.
But there have been times in my life when I've had a pelvic floor as strong as
steel, and it didn't fucking help. Because my brain is stupid.
I can feel it happening (most of the time, sometimes it surprises me like "oh
weird I can't remember peeing my pants") and I usually have at least enough
notice to clamp down (if I'm quick) but, like, I am constantly stressed out
about it. I'm constantly on guard, waiting for it to happen. It's fucking
exhausting.
God forbid I have a public accident. Those are the fucking worst. And though I
try my hardest, a year doesn't go by when I don't have at least one. If I'm
diapered (as I fucking should be, tbh) then I can handle it. If not, then I'm
fucked and I'm mentally a wreck for the rest of the day. Sorry @ everyone
who's smelled me throughout my whole life.
I don't think it's a physical issue, I was (briefly) checked out as a kid and
they didn't find anything wrong. I think they thought I was faking because I
couldn't manage to pee in a cup. Whatever.
And I've read basically everything on the Internet about this. Apparently 40%
of cases (across all age groups) are idiopathic, meaning there's no known
cause. I wonder what percentage is because people are like, into it sexually?
I admit I look at that kind of porn. It makes me feel corroded inside. I think
I do it to relive my trauma in some fucked up way, like "oh wouldn't it be
nice if a witch cursed me and now I pee my pants" instead of the harsher
reality where its like "no you're just like this" which, sucks, not gonna lie.
It's kinda made me asexual, I think, because I don't want anyone to be around
it. I don't want anyone to think about it, I don't want it to be real, it's
just. Fucked. I guess. Whatever.
Did I mention how much I hate how loud it is to change? It fills me with dread
whenever that time comes around. I often put it off as long as I can because I
just... Don't want to think about it. And then it overflows and leaks and its
even worse because now I have to wash my pants. Or, like, not, and just let
them dry, because I'm a disgusting human being who has no right to a clean and
decent life. Fuck me I should live in a bog, with all the bugs and the toads
and other various gross things.
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