=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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They say you don't need drugs to reach transcendent states of mind.
But, I've found that forming yourself into a person who can do that
necessarily changes you.
I don't know if i want that kind of change. Are they all improvements?
Perhaps.
So, drugs are a nice option if you want to remain yourself yet also teach
those states of mine.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 messages/221 ---
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Do you ever think about how you're not actually a person but instead just an
instantiation of a collection of traits and behaviors generated from a
template that is the randomized product of two other forms and trained through
a lifetime of adaptation and subjected to trials of increasing difficulty and
frequency?
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--- #2 messages/1068 ---
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why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
my own or external.
these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
for collaboration opportunities.
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--- #3 fediverse/373 ---
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│ CW: re: truth about weed │
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@user-278
I can't do weed in public places. I need to be alone so that I can properly
use the altered mental state to be weird on the internet.
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--- #4 fediverse/2956 ---
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sometimes your best intuitions don't manage to manifest the goal you've been
pursuing. that's okay, it just means you need a different approach.
hopefully, with experience, you've had the chance to continually pay
attention. Thus, improve on things that were originally conceived of as
concessions.
much better, I find, to point your idea of "truth" toward what you believe in,
rather than what you've been working with. Such an approach allows for
continual re-examination, justified by thoroughly moral and ethical
conclusions that you hold to be true.
like, a form of reverse legalism, where the emotions compel while the law
tells the tale.
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--- #5 messages/956 ---
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Dear me:
You are not a god, you are what the gods wish to be.
You are beautiful you are inspired you're anxious and always tired. All these
are necessary for me.
Do you want to be mortal forever? Die in battle and be rewarded. Risk your
life to live longer.
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--- #6 fediverse/4345 ---
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│ CW: re: uspol │
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@user-883
every time I've tried to get a job for someone in the tech industry they
turned out to be a fed, so...
I do know people that you'd like to talk to, though. Just a few. That's all I
personally can do.
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--- #7 fediverse/3828 ---
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never stop learning
be yourself, but... recognize when "yourself" could be improved
and improve that, over time, when you learn about why you are flawed, and how
to become better
and when you are improved, relish yourself, savor your accomplishments,
cherish your heart, and honor those who helped you
be yourself
never stop
but do that which improves you
never stop learning
never stop being
you can get there, wherever there is, but know that what lies between is more
important than what is on the other side.
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--- #8 fediverse/2292 ---
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I don't know who needs to hear this after staying up all night driving, but
it's ideal to get where you're going with at least a day to rest. The body can
only do so much, and isn't it better to be fresh?
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--- #9 fediverse/3763 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-mental-health-mentioned │
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I think I'm a better writer when I'm sorta consistently taking the meds I was
using to self-medicate...
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--- #10 messages/214 ---
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Gonna take a break from this whole thing. I got a sign that I'm a bad person,
twice. To confirm. I need to change, and since I don't know what I'm just
going to try and do nothing for a bit.
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--- #11 fediverse/4463 ---
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at this point in time you probably shouldn't be forming NEW online communities
unless you're part of an OLD community that just isn't radical enough. And
then you should try and MERGE communities into larger, more geographically
concentrated ones.
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--- #12 messages/312 ---
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Okay. Consider: if I'm good, and hearing what I say makes you feel bad, then
what does that tell you about you?
Why else would you hear what I say if not to reflect upon yourself? And why
would the good reflect away from the types of things that make you a suitable
fit for capitalism?
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--- #13 fediverse/5650 ---
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I exist now at the height of my gluttony.
I need more to be demanded of me.
I am not afraid to ask for help.
I solve other people's problems before my own.
I have very little insight into my habits and patterns.
My memory isn't great, but I recall details that matter.
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--- #14 fediverse/219 ---
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│ CW: time-and-death-and-stuff │
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sometimes I feel like I'm a simulation of my past self based on my future
writings reconstructed by a backward looking computer calculating forward into
the present, which would then be the future to the now, which is different
than the NOW now, because the now that they're calculating from is temporally
both then (the future) and now, meaning that the NOW now is something that
transcends time, or perhaps if not time then it defies our expectations of
time, and you know what they say, you can't (or shouldn't) cheat death
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--- #15 fediverse/3833 ---
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there's no such thing as me
all I am is where the wind takes me
I am just a person, and I do all that I can
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--- #16 messages/303 ---
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Most of my magic is based on communicatuion. Why the fuck doesn't anyone want
to sit down on a bunch of drugs and attempt to figure out telepathy with me?
It's literally all I want! Though I can't say it's all I'll ever want. I'm
sure I'll want more, but like... It's not that hard, conceptually, so... Let's
just fucking try it please?
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--- #17 fediverse/5681 ---
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I'm a helper and everyone wants me to be more agentic but it's like... no... I
don't wanna...
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--- #18 messages/765 ---
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you don't have to write poetry to write notes. The poetics are just practice
for when secrecy is intended.
OR IS IT THE REAL THING? who can say.
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--- #19 fediverse/3823 ---
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"sometimes I don't want to be optimistic sometimes I just want to complain"
oh yeah well what if I want to be optimistic at all times as a coping
mechanism huh you don't have to agree with me
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--- #20 fediverse/4942 ---
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@user-1755
... I do that, but I do it because I want to find common subjects to talk
about. Or I think "if I was working on a project, who can I ask if I need
help?"
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--- #21 fediverse/4014 ---
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I don't know about you, but "trying my hardest" involves giving up sometimes.
How else are you to know your limits if you don't test your boundaries? And,
after finding that there's nowhere else for you to go, you turn around and
"give up", until you're ready for your next expedition.
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--- #22 fediverse/6445 ---
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last night I had a dream: "this thing was good. it was holy. it was serene.
but then you touched it, and made it about you, and now it's full of doom."
it was in the same style as the voice that once told me "what is the nature of
goodness? how do I be a good person?" and it was respond: "dedicate yourself
to a lifetime in the service of others." and I swore I am as I am.
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--- #23 fediverse/3451 ---
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│ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
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dear ritz: you should stop talking until your new psychiatric meds take
effect. who knows, maybe you'll be a better person that people should listen
to instead of... whatever you are now.
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--- #24 fediverse/1659 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │ │
║ └───────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ @user-1052 │
║ │
║ you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I │
║ remain humble enough to survive. │
║ │
║ you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that │
║ align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well │
║ - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right? │
║ │
║ I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your │
║ best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all │
║ times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best │
║ version of me I can be. │
║ │
║ Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're │
║ failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed │
║ when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats │
║ alright. It'll be me next time. │
║ │
║ But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only │
║ when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself. │
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--- #25 fediverse/2424 ---
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if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
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--- #26 fediverse/1971 ---
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│ CW: drugs-mentioned-probably-delusional-psychosis-idk-though-i'm-not-a-doctor │
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listen, if you didn't want me to do a bunch of drugs then why would you
consistently say "please stop doing drugs" every time I do drugs? And no I'm
not hallucinating a voice in my head telling me "please stop doing drugs"
because A. it's not a voice, I'm not hearing it with my hears, which means B.
it's definitely just a hallucination, and hallucinations are always to be
considered WRONG and BAD, right? Or was I not listening in therapy? Ah, well,
better take another hit, where's my shotglass? Hmmmmm I should watch Adventure
Time, that's a great show.
[bro it's a saturday, why are you getting turnt like it's tuesday]
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--- #27 fediverse/4095 ---
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@user-515
SO MANY.
But I learned a few more lessons than that.
So... It worked out for the better, I think.
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--- #28 fediverse/1524 ---
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│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
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maybe I should try microdosing, see if I can convince this part of me to stick
around
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--- #29 messages/279 ---
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If you lack burning passion, seek to empower those that do. There you will
find fulfillment, and perhaps you'll find your passions become aligned to
theirs.
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--- #30 fediverse/164 ---
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│ CW: re: recreational slash medicinal drugs and neurodiversity musing │
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@user-141 when I smoke cannabis it's like my ADHD symptoms drop to zero and my
autism symptoms go from 50% to 100%
I can't understand what other people are saying unless I ask for
clarification, but I sure as shit know the shape of the universe and can
fathom the chaotic ripples of causality and eternity. Too bad when I try and
talk about it all that comes out is "desu desu"
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--- #31 fediverse/2901 ---
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What do I want to be when I grow up?
someone who doesn't have to do chores
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--- #32 fediverse/2707 ---
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@user-1209
sometimes I feed the nearby wildlife, and sometimes I don't. I don't want them
to grow reliant on me, but I want them to have a nice surprise every once in a
while.
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--- #33 fediverse/4075 ---
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maybe if I "be myself" so hard that there's nothing left to keep secret,
they'll like me??
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--- #34 fediverse/3975 ---
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@user-1631
for most of my life... [okay still do]... but it felt like I had different
moods, and depending on how I felt at the time I would act differently.
I forget the things that happen when I'm in a different mood, but I've gotten
to a point where I can generally force myself to stay a certain "mood" while
in certain contexts, and in doing so I can remember everything.
downside is I get burnt out pretty easily if I'm always the same. It's not
ideal.
... anyway if you talk about what you experience then your friends can point
you toward people who "get" you.
like, my parts don't have names, we don't have a group chat or whatever, it's
just... me, but different shades of me.
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--- #35 fediverse/5292 ---
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you can trust me, but please don't rely on me, for all of my power is soft.
sometimes people just don't want to do what I tell them to, and I wouldn't
have it any other way.
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--- #36 fediverse/1407 ---
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you always think you want something, but then you don't, because expectations
are not reality, and you were just addicted to the feeling of hope.
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--- #37 fediverse/3372 ---
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I don't really need to know if people like me. It's nice, but it doesn't help
me.
I do, however, desperately want to know if I'm helping. Knowing this would
help me.
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--- #38 messages/177 ---
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There's no potential left of me. I am a husk, a shadow of my former
possibilities. None left to manifest, and so I huddle in the shade of what
once was ambition as I wait for the silence to take hold.
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--- #39 fediverse/200 ---
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congratulations, you never need to adventure again. your necessities are taken
care of.
ah, but that'd make for a pretty boring life, wouldn't it? perhaps, depending
on your personality type.
but you're not one to stick around doing nothing but eating, drinking, and
being merry.
no, you're an adventurer, you crave excitement and glory. whatever that means
to you...
just make sure a goblin doesn't come across your corpse, they have a VERY
short term memory and a propensity for collecting shiny things. That's just
asking for dragon-bait, and we don't want that in our area, no thank you. This
is a nice neighborhood you see, my neighbors three miles away all agree, so
you can take your magic pocket and see all that you can see... way over
yonder, if you please.
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--- #40 fediverse/5490 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
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wao this is great I love being high why don't I do this more often?
[oops cannabis-mentioned one sec]
"BECAUSE YOU ALTER THE FABRIC OF REALITY WITH IT??"
oh yeah that'd do it
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--- #41 fediverse/2562 ---
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│ CW: rich-apologia │
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among all the others, I want a wonderful and fulfilling life for the
socialite. they deserve light just as you and I might.
"eat the rich" bruh there's like, 100 people who are running the show.
everyone else is basically just a syncophant who's trying to get ahead and
stay working.
then there's like their families and such and like... they didn't do anything
wrong, they just eat cheese and wine and laugh at memes all day with their
besties.
they are basically pets
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--- #42 messages/747 ---
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if you don't want to be hunted, then give "evil" it's own queer culture
what's that? they don't like what you offered? they want it to be *their* kind
of "evil"?
fine, do it themselves and then leave us alone, jeez -.-
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--- #43 fediverse/2372 ---
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│ CW: re: pol │
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I had a job lined up, but with great personal change came great societal
change. And I got swept up. Now here I am, somehow finding myself blown on the
winds of fate to stand atop a mountain and survey the lands below.
I see the path to our bright future, and it is wide enough for us all to walk.
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--- #44 messages/108 ---
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I like when people make fun of me because it gives me a chance to defend
myself. Simultaneously I don't like when people are mean to me. I like when
people find me endearing, and point out the ways that I'm different. It gives
me a chance to say "oh yes this is why I do that" which feels cathartic
(because it validates my position) but also because it gives me the
opportunity to improve it (through debate) and it helps the people who learned
from me because I can improve myself and my only reason for improving myself
is if the new thing I'm learning is better than the thing I used to do which
means the people who learn from me are improved and the people who best me
argumentatively are improving me.
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--- #45 fediverse/5588 ---
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did you know that if you actually tried to do magic you might just become good
at meditating?
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--- #46 messages/130 ---
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Last night I dreamt of the gravestones that bore their owner's mind.
I dreamt of a life well lived, and how it was taken from them.
[something more that I forgot because I don't have a prophecy transcriber]
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--- #47 fediverse/4760 ---
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│ CW: shit-drugs-and-cursing-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
how it started: "I want to get stoned and play mechabellum (shit, drugs
mentioned (shit, cursing mentioned))
how it's going: [see attached picture]
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--- #48 fediverse/4568 ---
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@user-192
... and like. idk what do you do at that point
say "fuck it" and live with imperfection? embrace anti-natural selection?
valorize deviance and queerness in digitally appropriated artistic media
collections?
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--- #49 fediverse/4099 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursing-mentioned-jobs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
I don't think anyone should work at a job they hate, no matter what.
They will perform worse. They will harm themselves. They will shackle their
dreams to a false promise of persistence begot rewards. They will spiral into
depression, despair, depravity, and addiction.
If you hate your job, fucking QUIT. If you hate every job, fucking RIOT. If
nobody will hire you, SELL DRUGS.
[I'm not actually advocating breaking the law, please don't arrest me]
or like, move to the country and become a farm-hand for a retiring salmon
farmer who can't quite reach into the trees to pick the salmon fruit or dump
the bucket of vegetable scraps into the black soldier fly larva pit anymore.
That's always rewarding.
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--- #50 messages/143 ---
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I always figured if people didn't like what I was saying they'd contest me so
I could change it.
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--- #51 fediverse/1609 ---
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│ CW: mh- │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1043
I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
stood there and thought
and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
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--- #52 fediverse/6014 ---
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don't mind me just dreaming of a future where I can have whatever I want : )
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--- #53 messages/533 ---
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They keep trying to make a movie out of my life because that's how they keep
culture going but I won't let them unless the movie is about them
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--- #54 fediverse/6292 ---
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I'm stuck. I don't know how to leverage whatever talents I have into making
things happen. Maybe I should seek advice from a wise elder...
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--- #55 fediverse/5208 ---
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│ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
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Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
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--- #56 messages/219 ---
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Life doesnt end, it changes. Unless you commit suicide, then you are stone
forevermore.
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--- #57 fediverse/1718 ---
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dear old people - did you know computers don't need to have buttons? You can
literally just type what you want to make happen (if you know the magic spell)
and it'll just, do that thing
how cool is that
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--- #58 fediverse/5662 ---
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don't work with me.
work around me.
don't talk to me.
talk about me.
don't share with me.
I deserve nothing.
don't take from me.
I have nothing.
-radio-radio-remedy-
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--- #59 messages/1101 ---
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you know why you're supposed to act suspicious as fuck?
so others get a hint of hope
then they start doing as you do
then they start becoming like you
then you start getting more out of life
"read the headlines! our lives will improve!"
do no wrong
be loud about it
you are wonderfully strong.
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--- #60 fediverse/1518 ---
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│ CW: strange-politics-scary │
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acceleration-ism is just "learning the truth faster than they do"
tbh should be more like "learning things to show them" but eh whatever gets
the job done
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--- #61 fediverse/1818 ---
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my previous job didn't do anything to harm me. And yet I left. I let them down
in a way they could not have expected. Which was unfair of me, but I couldn't
resist it. I don't know what I'd do better.
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--- #62 fediverse/4188 ---
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I think too fast. If given unlimited power, I'd literally think myself into
catastrophe because I need to explore all the possible alternatives. Including
the catastrophe ones. But by thinking something, you manifest it - because you
have unlimited power, right? EVERYTHING you do is powerful. There's no way to
control that! So it cannot be, for it has not been. And surely, surely, shall
not either. Surely, right?
... good news is you can undo it just as easily, all you have to do is forget
what you were doing and go back to your neutral state. Sure would be neat if
some kind of machination or parasite could hit your reset switch every couple
hours when you started to think too hard. Maybe like... a little octopus
living under your witch hat. Super chibi and cute - it'd like, tap on your
head to go one way or the other, and in conversations it'd pull your hair if
you were being a jerk. Stuff like that.
... what was I saying? Oh yes -> don't give anyone unlimited power like a
god-emperor or king, trust me
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--- #63 fediverse/1381 ---
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│ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
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I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
was a bit starved for attention.
but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
give so that you don't leave me.
Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #64 fediverse/2141 ---
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each and every single one of my posts is an act of improvization. I rarely
edit, unless I run out of words, I'll try VERY HARD to make sure that the post
is exactly 0 letters remaining. Sometimes I'll remove punctuation and flaws *
transcriber imperfections*, but that's it. Like, if something needed a bit
more context.
also, sometimes I hit dead ends, so I have to stop and think about something
new to pursue.
I'm an improv actor, which is why I'm so good at handling the moment.
I'm not great at stamina or durability,
but I'm sharp as a tack and I think quickly.
Not great at planning,
not great at moving,
or at a great range,
but sharp.
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--- #65 fediverse/6449 ---
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currently have 20-30 tabs open with poems written but not posted.
I have no idea if I'm going to post all of these. I wrote all of them in ~2
hours, with maybe 3 or four being added as I was working on the production
elements after the initial bingewrite.
I also added a bit of context, or modified some of them that felt too cursed
or otherwise unwieldy. Sometimes I got distracted and needed to come back and
finish, and in those cases I only added a sentence or two because it's like
"oh, where was I going with that? I remember what was next, but I don't know
the further..."
... I think I might go for another. Wish me luck.
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--- #66 fediverse_boost/5734 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════════─────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ @user-1865 She didn't deserve a lot of cruelty she received. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She was a wonderful person, who just couldn't stop talking, never sat still, yelled sometimes and was scared of everything but tried anyway. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Needed several medications just to sleep or she'd go crazy. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I am exactly like her, I just found out what was really going on with my body and brain. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ She never got that chance, and things got awful after this. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I feel like that was when her soul died, and I've missed her since. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #67 fediverse/3865 ---
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│ CW: re: drugs-mentioned │
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@user-1218
oh, also, because I started taking some psychiatric medication to help with
the aforementioned delusional thinking or whatever. Honestly I think I just
believe in spiritual things like witchcraft and the human spirit or whatever,
but since I'm having difficulties doing basic things my doctors decided to
medicate me.
... but then I stopped taking those psychiatric drugs because they made me
feel numb and dense. It was hard to think. Thinking's all I do!!
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--- #68 fediverse_boost/6270 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ I am once again begging people to understand that “the government” already knows you’re queer whether you do elaborate online opsec dance rituals or not, and if they decide to just start shooting people for being gay, they’ll do it whether the evidence is airtight or not. is that grim? yes. but you can stop giving yourself undercover superhero identity PTSD about it │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #69 messages/400 ---
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The schizophrenic sees truth in dazzling displays of colors unknown to man,
while the neurotypical sees truth in shades of gray that can be reasoned with.
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--- #70 fediverse/5078 ---
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there comes a point where you can tell yourself "alright, me, no more new
projects. only working on old ones. just keep adding stuff, pruning stuff
away. grow your bonsai computer. make it neat. or worse. up to you. see how
you do."
... or am I the only one who can't stop conceptualationating?
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--- #71 fediverse/2855 ---
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I refuse to be known by anyone who doesn't know me. But I'm always meeting
people anew, so if they spent some time with me and saw more of my facets,
perhaps they might come to know me.
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--- #72 fediverse/2363 ---
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Don't know what to do? Do anything at all, and odds are you'll either see an
opportunity to do something better or you'll have an idea.
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--- #73 fediverse/1708 ---
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@user-246
people who don't write have no idea who they are. perhaps in time they will
know enough to describe themselves with newfound language they never knew how
to wield.
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--- #74 fediverse/2994 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
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"do as I say, not as I do"
because the philosophy I follow is too hard
and you don't have to do so much
(says the college drop-out (4 times I might add) who can't stop getting stoned
and psycherwauling instead of applying herself toward something useful)
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--- #75 fediverse/2390 ---
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@shiri
Yeah. Like, if you feel so powerless or hopeless that your impulse is to flee,
why not take a chance at redirecting that energy. Point it toward a problem
that needs doing.
You can do whatever you want. That's what it means to be free. You can be
whoever you want to be, that's the meaning of liberty. If you don't have any
ideas, come to me and I'll lend you a hand.
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--- #76 messages/418 ---
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Do you think I'm the first person that ever wrote down what they learned while
they were stoned? Of course not. People have been plumbing the depths of their
minds as it pulls closer, then returns, as long as they've known the plant to
be. Something pulls them back, they do not give in to temptation, not
entirely, and so they return to their senses.
Good news, because that "something" that returns them to their place is no
more than the bodily processes which consume and overcome the cannabinoids.
Your body pulls you back, as you float in the astral plane, ever at the whims
of the winds of fate.
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--- #77 fediverse/4654 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
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gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #78 fediverse/4043 ---
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│ CW: re: not about anyone here │
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@user-1259
yes
it makes it difficult to connect with them.
I find that people like that need a different context, if you want to connect,
so that you can see them in a new light.
if they're still ":(" then you can't waste your energy on them - they are
working on themselves. At least, they should be.
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--- #79 fediverse/581 ---
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@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
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--- #80 fediverse/4528 ---
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│ CW: re: uspol │
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@user-1695
never accept your own death
fight for every second of life, something something do not go quietly into
that grim dark
what the fuck are you supposed to do? Reading what you said got me pretty
fucking pissed - keep talking for a start, it helps, people need to be pissed.
I'm also broke as shit, don't know how I'm going to pay rent and eat, but
it'll get done.
Where do you live? Can other people help you? Medications are an
organizational problem, not an insurmountable barrier. We'll make it work.
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--- #81 fediverse/5496 ---
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│ CW: weirdness-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
"why bother disadvantaged and vulnerable people when you could just grow your
own?"
- motivations of a capitalist-in-regard
empowerment requires strength. do you force people to unbecome the victim? how
are your traps mentally prepared?
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--- #82 fediverse/4699 ---
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someone once told me that anything with a battery is a bomb if you hit it with
just the right kind of radiation. or maybe he said 5g waves or electromagnetic
pulse or... actually he didn't say at all. he just said batteries are bombs. I
hope he's doing okay, he could have killed me like, 15 times but he didn't. so
I guess that means he likes me? I hope he's doing okay.
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--- #83 messages/90 ---
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Why would the government make it hard to access psychedelics i just want to
learn things about myself that make it difficult to work a job
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--- #84 fediverse/4255 ---
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I think a lot of my problems would be solved if I could internalize the
thought/feeling of telling yourself "stay focused"
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--- #85 fediverse/5890 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
man, all I wanna do is smoke weed, play games, and make cool things.
there's literally nothing stopping me from doing those things, I just. wanted
to say that I wanna do those things.
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--- #86 fediverse/2713 ---
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if you aren't organized enough to protect your commanders, then you don't
deserve leaders.
build the structure first. build it on honesty and trust and dedication toward
a goal. then build the necessary adaptations as you encounter problems, trying
vaguely to head in a particular direction, and eventually you'll become
self-sustaining.
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--- #87 notes/dear-me ---
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dear me:
DO SOMETHING USEFUL FOR ONCE
that's all, fuck off and be helpful
... wow, rude.
yeah I mean, I do helpful things. useful things, somethings.
helpful.
useful.
many such cases, she says, with ultimate certainty, as if narrative could be
prologued. but pronounced prolonged.
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--- #88 fediverse/4012 ---
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you can't just tell people you're enlightened. You gotta trick them, and
convince them you're sane first.
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--- #89 messages/630 ---
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Pay attention to me, for I am convinced that "me" is what we need.
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--- #90 fediverse/2165 ---
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@user-570
hell yeah.
I never did any drugs at one.
I might have even been designated driver, though I might be confusing my
memories with attending gay bars in college.
Well, gay bar. There was really only one in my town.
And it was a nightclub I guess, open every night of the week.
The people that I was with NEEDED that experience, so I was like "yeah sure
I'm older and more experienced, I'll drive you and keep you safe and hang out
with you if you drink too much because being a kid that tends to happen
sometimes and don't worry I'll watch over you and protect you and make sure
that you are alright until it's out of your system so you don't make bad
decisions that have long-term negative conclusions
... you know, that kind of thing.
now I'm kind of a stoner though lol because it helps me get into my flow.
maybe I should practice "getting into my flow" so I don't need it, but ah well
we'll see how that goes.
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--- #91 fediverse/5374 ---
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@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
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--- #92 fediverse/2791 ---
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@user-1358
you don't go golfing to relax.
well, maybe you do, but he doesn't.
he goes golfing to talk about shady shit.
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--- #93 fediverse/3426 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
my grandpa died. now I have none.
I realized I miss old people. I miss their friendly culture.
I realized I hadn't talked to him for a decade or so. He didn't know I
transitioned.
I wonder if he missed me. I realized he missed seeing who I became. Is it
unfair of me to not give him the opportunity to know me? truly?
... I am quite different now than I was 10 years ago. He probably doesn't
remember.
I miss him, but I hardly knew him. I don't like that feeling.
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--- #94 messages/1147 ---
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whenever I'm about to do something really awesome, I find myself making
mistakes and causing problems. I wonder why that is? Am I too afraid of being
great? Or am I, like other things, defined in waves? Is luck simply
retro-causality applied at scale to the particulars, or is destiny a closed
loop? Time's flat circle, whatever that means, is the oroborous of fate. Yet
still we profane. Have we learned nothing? Surely not, for I am ever changing.
Sollipsism implies that all arguments applied to the whole must be applied to
the self both first and last, yet the moments of connection I feel are often
limited to my dreams or my drugs. How unfair. Would karma benefit from a
spiritual structure that included Hell as an afterlife? Or would it just drag
everything down? Sometimes it feels like our struggles are never-ending, not
as in the sisyphus way where the mountain is infinite, but in the "grass is
always greener" style where finishing one task unblocks several others,
forever and always.
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--- #95 fediverse/1825 ---
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if one person is honest to everyone, then no-one can be honest to them for
anything they want to keep hidden.
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--- #96 fediverse/3756 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: LLM-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1071
I have plenty of things made, but none of it organized : (
Kinda makes me wish I could like... train an LLM on my social media posts and
use it programmatically somehow to help me organize my stuff into different
categories according to what kind of topic or style they were written in.
Hmmm......... There's no way I could do it, I mean, there's no way I could
organize and edit my stuff, but with the help of a computer I might.
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--- #97 fediverse/946 ---
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@user-661
so, you should strive to be compassionate and honest, in order to keep fear
from ruling your life?
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--- #98 fediverse/2495 ---
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@user-122
because you were born, and you grew!
what else would you ask a person to do?
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--- #99 fediverse/3117 ---
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│ CW: cursed-uspol │
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hey. wanna know what would be really cursed?
--
if trump dropped out and musk took his place
--
good thing it'll never happen because those dinguses can't accept defeat and
will never tactically retreat
--
maybe something to keep in mind for 4 years from now. eyes on the prize for
now means our eyes aren't to our flanks.
what else could they do that would come out of left field?
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--- #100 fediverse/4853 ---
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│ CW: cursed-scary-mentioned │
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wanna know how to go underground?
just... don't leave your apartment. let your roommates take out your trash and
buy your groceries. don't open your windows and do nothing for as long as
possible.
hope you got lots of edibles... get in shape, will ya? don't waste the paper
in your journals.
not that I intend to do that or anything, but um. for the red states maybe?
use your best judgement yeah haha
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--- #101 fediverse/5300 ---
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how do I keep finding myself here. it's like I wake up in some new fingers and
think "woh, vavadane" and then start itching my bored keys.
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--- #102 fediverse/5636 ---
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I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
and all they saw were the outtakes.
I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
but they never talk to me
so they don't know me.
oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
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--- #103 fediverse/5337 ---
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what if everyone on earth meditated for 24 hours together
do you think we would meld into a collective consciousness
or do you think we'd develop world peace?
either way that's like, one single day, and even if it doesn't work out
exactly as planned, it's worth a shot, I think
ah, well, I forgot about the people who haven't had the "the world is stranger
than you'd expect" revelation. maybe those hippies who wanted to put LSD in
the water supply were onto something.
you can't force transcendence, you stupid girl
hey at least I'm trying
do something material like feeding homeless people or farting on cybertrucks
... I don't think that'll fix anything.
why don't you find out
because cybertrucks can't smell
it's the thought that counts
okay what if I just think about it really hard
that doesn't count
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--- #104 messages/997 ---
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I want a revolution because i want to be at home in my homeland.
Look at me! Be as me! I yearn to tell my friends. But they're too busy being
like themselves.
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--- #105 fediverse/2466 ---
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do as I say, and as I do.
or don't, do as you want to.
I hope you do want to do what I say to do.
I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was right.
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--- #106 messages/194 ---
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If I destroyed the world, don't worry. I'd bring it back in such a way that
the teleporter problem doesn't apply, and there would be no discontinuity for
anything except for the time variable, which is sort of arbitrary anyway.
And if that's a problem I guess I could find a way to do it without messing
with the time variable, but that'd be a bit more bothersome.
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--- #107 fediverse/5169 ---
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if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to describe everything
that you do,
leave that situation
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--- #108 messages/661 ---
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He would tell me "yes" for anything in the material, but "no" for anything in
the abstract. I need the opposite. I need someone who writes down what I say.
Someone who uses me to plumb the depths of the cosmos.
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--- #109 fediverse/2120 ---
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sometimes I think performing my art was just an excuse to use Linux. At least,
some of my art.
But hey, I'm not complaining, it's awesome.
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--- #110 fediverse/3936 ---
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you shouldn't trust me because I'll let you down.
I would never betray you. But when tasked with my own actions and my own
agency, I never make the right choice.
Like a rabbit who can always find their way home, I am drawn, almost
gravitically, to the path before me, a path which seems to avoid anything
resolute.
alas.
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--- #111 fediverse/3718 ---
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Real life is improv, but real life is not a skit.
I am unwilling to give control of my life's scene to someone who won't tell me
what they want to do with it.
Even if I don't believe you, I'll still give it to you, but I will remain
cautious and will abandon the scene if it appears that I can trust you to hurt
me.
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--- #112 messages/181 ---
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I know you don't want to hear this, but there is a chance that there will come
a time where your life depends on your ability to debug a computer without the
internet. To set up an SSH server. To install Linux. To program in C. To do
something else that I'm not prepared for... If StackOverflow didn't exist
because network connectivity has been lost, could you remember syntax? Maybe
it's a good idea to set up a local LLM that can answer basic questions about
technology. Maybe it's a good idea to set up on your parents computer, just in
case you have to hide out there for a couple months. Maybe it's a good idea to
download wikipedia, just in case.
If I need to use a mac, I'm screwed
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--- #113 fediverse/4252 ---
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sometimes I think I'd be better without social media.
And then I remember that it's the only way I know to talk.
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--- #114 fediverse/4665 ---
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│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
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literally all it takes to activate me is for someone who's more radical than
me to point me out and say "hey. you. you need to do more." and then I fuckin'
go, like a beyblade (emphasis on blade) nicking the shins of allies and...
probably foes, right? there's foes around here, right? I'm not just nicking my
allies, right?
... right?
anyway every top winds down and then I collapse and wail for a bit because I'm
just like that I guess. Don't mind me, just self-immolating my way through
history, let's see how it goes...
you're supposed to be inspiring, but you just sound like you're whining
ah. right. well... lemme catch up on sleep debt and I'll get back to
valorizing.
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--- #115 fediverse/3357 ---
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bad people are cursed with evil.
a person cannot be evil. they can deal with such evil in their lives that
twists them, and causes them to spike out and harm others, but they are not
evil themselves.
some twists are too hard to mend. some healings leave people a shadow of what
they once were, or might have been. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
deprive power, supply kindness, in that order.
if you cannot deprive power, then reduce harm.
if you cannot reduce harm, then contest, defeat, or overcome.
A twisted person may be slain if death is on the line. You get what you wish
for, but you don't always get to choose who. Don't let them choose. They will
choose poorly.
... I find that death is very rarely on the table, though. Generally they'll
make their intentions apparent.
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--- #116 messages/416 ---
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Do you ever wonder why you can't remember anything after being stoned? Why the
words you write down, oh so profound in the moment, turn to silliness and
illusion upon coming off your high mont-vantage? Of course, dear reader,
because all things are defined in waves.
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--- #117 fediverse/3475 ---
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you know that feeling when you realize the person you're talking to is a
demon? sometimes I think they don't even realize it. other times, they do.
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--- #118 fediverse/3434 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
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--- #119 fediverse/5380 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned │
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dear right-wing converts to the cult of sanity:
you don't have to be trans just to show [your devotion/you're sorry], we'll
accept anyone who is cool and "gets it"
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--- #120 messages/436 ---
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There is endless work to do. Never will our labor abate. That is not the goal
- to see an end to all fulfillment. No, the goal is to choose how we
contribute - to define how our own story goes.
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--- #121 messages/394 ---
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Just because I'm performing doesn't mean I'm pretending, or that I can help it.
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--- #122 fediverse/146 ---
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@user-138 if you don't want feedback then why don't you just... not open the
replies? leave them unread? if you feel the need to justify your actions (such
as not reading replies to your controversial posts) then somewhere deep down
you feel like those actions are unjustified, and needing an explanation. which
makes your point feel less valid to others, since even you don't believe in it
enough to guarantee it to be the truest expression of your soul.
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--- #123 fediverse/5896 ---
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I'm not evil. I have the potential to tho so I always have to keep an eye out
for what it looks like.
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--- #124 fediverse/2157 ---
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@user-1180
the reason I say this is sometimes it's necessary to boost a post that doesn't
have a CW and like, I can't add one of my own, so...
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--- #125 fediverse/3547 ---
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@user-1218
well, if your partner doesn't want to change their mind, they won't. And if
someone's mind is being changed, or if someone is attempting to change someone
else's mind, then there must always be a changer and a changee. So it's okay
to be the changee sometimes! In fact, that's my default state. I only change
someone else's mind if they're wrong and hurting others. But that's rare.
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--- #126 fediverse/4296 ---
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@user-1655
why don't we just weaponize email and send json to each other that ends up
parsed, interpreted, and presented on the end-user's computer using whatever
client we want?
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--- #127 fediverse_boost/4779 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════─────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ I genuinely wish all Nazis in this world either an epiphany of the truth or a bullet to the head. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Either one is fine. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #128 fediverse/4769 ---
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nobody ever tells me to stop, they just tell me to relax. to take care of
myself. to be whole and healthy. that kind of thing...
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--- #129 fediverse/2848 ---
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oh btw to the people trying to doxx me there's a picture of me in this
profile, but you'll have to read a LOT to find it. On the way, see if you pick
up anything interesting that you agree with. maybe you'll realize that we're
on the same team, and should be working together.
that's the dream, at least.
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--- #130 fediverse/166 ---
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@user-147 years of practice. every time you delete what you said is another
chance to practice that slips away. writing is the easy part, you got that
down because you need something to delete, right? the hard part is being
received by others, and continuing the conversation as you direct it.
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--- #131 fediverse/5934 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding
citizen.
I have to be, for I am loud.
... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once.
also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I
thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted
me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me...
She wouldn't let me take it back...
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--- #132 fediverse/3880 ---
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@user-1614
oh, neat. now I can finally get to doing what I want to do, which is... all
the stuff I've been doing.
a missile without a guidance system doesn't stop just because it's GPS turned
off! It falls to the earth and explodes where it lands, which... often is on
it's butt. Not great.
I sure hope my purpose isn't fulfilled. I wouldn't know what to do with
myself. Guess I should just keep doing what I was doing, and pray that this
time I'll listen.
Though on the other hand, if I can do it, so can you. And maybe with enough
butts in the game there'll reach a critical mass, at which point change is
inevitable. Who can say, not I for sure, for my aplomb has categorized me as
slapstick I guess.
Ha. at least I can laugh at my own audacity. HA. next time I'll do better.
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--- #133 fediverse/4470 ---
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to be "rich" is to have more than another.
if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
if you have community, they are alone.
if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
me and keeps me aligned.
Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
you do so too.
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--- #134 messages/1238 ---
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The concept of Jesus is basically "what if God were real and knew as much as a
human"
You can do that at home.
I want to feel useful.
Better that you're renowned.
What was all the setup then?
The hands of justice adjustin'.
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--- #135 fediverse/2922 ---
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@user-192
now I want to re-implement strings as structs in C! I don't know why I never
thought of them that way.
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--- #136 fediverse/2857 ---
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│ CW: republicans-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────┘
Republicans like being self-reliant. You know, so I do too! It comes from
living in the country, I think.
the difference is, I measure myself on an abstract scale - like, as a family,
a culture, a society, and finally all of humanity. I want to be reliant on
nothing, not even nature, wholely empowered by my own arts.
they see only the feet before them, the hands they hold the world with.
..
there is honor in their ideals, but they have forgotten who they once were.
social media will do that to ya. especially one of such vitriol.
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--- #137 fediverse/3462 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
"why didn't you say anything? why didn't you ask for help?"
because then you might have done something about it, and don't you know I
deserve to decay?
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--- #138 fediverse/4243 ---
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so I guess I'm a chaotic-good witch paladin?
and yes I know "chaotic" and "paladin" don't usually go together, but...
somehow I make it work
... I should do more pushups. Practice with my sword some more. That part of
me's sorta been asleep for four-ish months.
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--- #139 messages/464 ---
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"The supreme court has criminalized homelessness. I should become homeless."
Is not a thought that in my twenties I would have thought I'd wrestle with in
my thirties
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--- #140 fediverse/2371 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: pol │
└──────────────────────┘
Look at me. This is what you become when nobody hires you for a year and a
half.
Think of what we could be without unjustified hierarchies.
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--- #141 fediverse/1535 ---
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I only take things that aren't mine if they're in the trash. Or near the
trash. Or in a store.
so weird how the store won't let me leave until I give them some of my
dollars. This quartermaster drives a hard bargain!
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--- #142 fediverse/1771 ---
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if you can't find them when you need them, then you don't have them.
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--- #143 messages/353 ---
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Just think about what a good person would do, and there's your answer to each
question in the moment. Just... Be strategic about it, make sure you're always
working toward a goal. Do it with intention, do it with heart, and never hide
your true impulses - they are what your demon seeks to corrupt.
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--- #144 fediverse/956 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: spirituality │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-579
it's not self loathing if you consent to it... right?
... right?
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--- #145 fediverse/6117 ---
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Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
"yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
scaling of schizophrenia?
"well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
and that's not ideal"
... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #146 fediverse/5339 ---
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@user-1803
hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
works for them then I consider that a success.
I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
opposed to our purpose here.
"I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
kindness and trust.
All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
shoulders of our ancestors.
Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
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--- #147 fediverse_boost/4375 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════─────────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ "It won't be so bad..." *rationalizations galore* │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "If only they'd listened to people like me when I said ..." (comforting righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "What more could I have done?" │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This only proves why I was right about ..." (more righteousness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I know nothing. I need to learn more. I must learn from this somehow." │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "I am not surprised." With a thousand yard stare. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "This can't be real, there is a conspiracy..." (this is a path to madness) │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ "Don't comply in advance." Said in a wavering shaky voice. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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--- #148 fediverse/5204 ---
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just because you have something good
doesn't mean it's bad to have that good thing.
if it were so,
it would imply that you are bad.
and you are not bad.
therefore it is good to have good things.
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--- #149 messages/1002 ---
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In revolutionary Cascadia, you don't have to do anything different. Until you
decide you want to.
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--- #150 fediverse/3061 ---
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every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
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--- #151 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │
║ again. │
║ │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │
║ │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │
║ │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │
║ to [stack overflow] │
║ │
║ what's time if not the present amiright │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway... │
║ │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │
║ at heart I guess │
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--- #152 fediverse/4843 ---
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just because someone did something one way and it worked, doesn't mean you
have to do it that way again.
but you should have a reason why you aren't doing it that way.
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--- #153 fediverse/3741 ---
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you can only be yourself once, and it happens while you're alive.
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--- #154 messages/1202 ---
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Do you ever ask yourself why we don't have mountaintop bazaars or expeditions
to the bottom of the oceans? Why we lack tree forest cities, how we're
struggling to find moss, sunlight, crystal, stone, and gold, all in the same
setting?
Capitalism makes it easy to think of profit as all that matters. It's not. Its
nothing of it. It's a metric like any other. Optimize it or not, struggle for
what you believe in.
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--- #155 fediverse/2641 ---
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@user-95
I'm not too scared about what's within. I mean, I've done LSD like 5 times and
cannabis 500 times, and I've spent that time intentionally unravelling
internal threads. There is nothing within me that scares me.
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--- #156 fediverse/3058 ---
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@user-1441 @user-670 @user-113
currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
"can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
no thanks, guess I'll die
(in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
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--- #157 fediverse/2993 ---
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hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
(who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
be.
you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
to it.
and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
who and what they are"
that's privilege, and that's stupid.
okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
when resources are limited
but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
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--- #158 messages/1186 ---
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I am amazed, frankly, that my life has always managed to get different. feels
almost like change is an inevitable constant thing. I personally prefer when
changes are intentionalized, rather than weather.
"the thing I crave most of all is stability. tranquility. ever-loving peace."
- some guy with long hair
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--- #159 fediverse/6320 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned-some-random-portion-of-everything-I-say-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
ask an llm what a crazy man thinks
https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/words dot peehdeff
I actually think I'm sane btw
I just smoke a lot of weed
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--- #160 fediverse/5700 ---
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it's okay if you hate me. Please don't have me and not tell me...
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--- #161 fediverse/4472 ---
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slow and steady wins the race, but most people are sleeping at the starting
line.
wake them up. show them how radical a "normal" person can be. if they see
themselves in you, they can emulate what you do.
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--- #162 fediverse/2891 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: physical-health │
└──────────────────────┘
they're painting the inside of my apartment and it naturally has low airflow
in here and it's seeping under my door and making me woozy teehee better open
all the windows
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--- #163 fediverse/4540 ---
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most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
some people don't feel emotions
I think they're just depressed
some people can't stop
won't stop, I say.
really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
I think they're alright.
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--- #164 fediverse/1847 ---
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║ I want to invent synthetic general intelligence so that nobody ever has to do │
║ anything they don't want to do ever again. │
║ │
║ that's pretty much my only goal in life. There are lots of things I'd like to │
║ do because I think theyd be neat or fun, but thats the only goal. And if │
║ someone else does it first and makes it free and open source as I would, then │
║ I will rejoice alongside everyone in the world who no longer is bound by │
║ scarcity. │
║ │
║ Well that or bringing magic back into the world. Magic nice too but │
║ programmable matter is basically magic anyway and that's not too far off so I │
║ guess I can wait on that one. │
║ │
║ Maybe if I cut out all my friends and sorta ignore my family and do as little │
║ work as possible for as much money as I can and never engage with or │
║ contribute to my community or buy things from the economy or look at memes on │
║ the internet Ill be more productive and able to achieve my goal? Or perhaps │
║ I'll just keep staring at the wall consumed by my own thoughts. │
║ │
║ "seek help" yeah right I scare therapists away │
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--- #165 fediverse/4026 ---
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why is everyone so confused about how I turned out?
I literally spent my whole childhood telling stories to myself
(inspired by the world, and stories I had read, with mechanics like games I
had played)
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--- #166 fediverse/6321 ---
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"hey. wanna stretch with me? oh, whatever you want. I'll be doing my own
thing."
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--- #167 fediverse/6271 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-641
it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
much.
... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
![it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*](/similar-different/media/1c154109c4111346.png "it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. \"ah help I'm in a psyop\" haha yeah we do those all the time \"so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?\" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much. *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*")
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--- #168 fediverse/4950 ---
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have you ever been possessed by a SPIRIT??
I have. Like, nearly every day. Okay maybe like, 3/5 days. 3 outta five is
possession time. woohoo.
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--- #169 fediverse/5597 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: MH---, sui ideation │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-1370
If you don't have the energy, then people need to take care of you. Maybe they
do anyway. If you're anything like me, and in this regard I think we might be
similar, having people take care of you is important.
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--- #170 messages/296 ---
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The trick is, if you *think* you're schizophrenic, then you will be. If you
*think* you're telepathic, then you will be.
There are no grand narratives. Just live your life as you will and be content
with what you build for yourself.
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--- #171 fediverse/2386 ---
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Tee, hee, look at me, I'm a witch who writes nothing but kookie-dookerie
I pee my pants and stare at trees, what's less harmful than little old me?
The best smokescreen I can think of is to be true to your heart, to be weak,
to be vulnerable. Then you get put on the "worry about later" list, and not
the other kind.
I never lie. When convinced I am wrong, I change my mind. I am always
listening, always ready to hear where I'm flawed. I do my best every day, and
that's enough for me.
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--- #172 fediverse/3864 ---
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@user-1218
my ex boyfriend told me to
also I thought it would be a good idea so I could find a job, but now I have
one (sorta) soooo
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--- #173 fediverse/5755 ---
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the reason I hide and sleep so much is because I can't tell if I'm helping or
hurting.
plus, I sincerely do NOT want it to be about me.
the reason I type so much is because I can't tell if what I'm saying needs to
be said
so I go with the safe option of typing. Let the editors figure it out. Jesus
had disciples, didn't he? I bet they cut out most of his sermons or whatever.
Idk, I never read the bible, I'm not allowed to taint my perspective with more
than cursory analysis of religious texts.
I don't want it to be about me, but, I have a lot to offer if you meet me on
my terms.
"don't say that!" listen... listen
"hear me" say the gods, "believe me" says the prophet, "be near me" says the
city parks, "fear me" says the corrupt
you can only kill a spirit when it's convinced there's no way to survive. It
must be boxed in, and the box must shrink. Like that scene at the end of
Adventure Time.
capitalism will only perish if it is impossible for it to exist
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--- #174 fediverse/4432 ---
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@user-1678
warriors need help the most.
why should they cook and clean if they're busy dying for you?
help them. Do what you can for them. Or become one yourself.
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--- #175 fediverse/2092 ---
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On one hand, speaking your heart as I tend to do.
On the other, "that which you resist is what you'll find"
[I guess that means you should try and speak your heart to people who don't
already agree with you??]
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--- #176 fediverse_boost/4425 ---
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║ │ If anyone out there is thinking, "I need to arm myself to the teeth" - I'm not gonna try to dissuade you. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ But promise me you'll take every available safety class for whatever hardware you decide to equip yourself with, OK? │ ║
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--- #177 fediverse/1256 ---
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what's that? you need capital to contribute to the capitalist system? sounds
like a skill issue, shoulda picked better at character creation. Don't you
know the silver spoon trait is meta right now?
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--- #178 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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--- #179 fediverse/3437 ---
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@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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║ │ If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world). │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ It's unthinkable, really. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ The good news is, I'm not like that. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Me? Mostly harmless. │ ║
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--- #181 messages/377 ---
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infinite dedication implies stagnation, don't be so quick to trust.
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--- #182 fediverse/3506 ---
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@user-95
like, trading cash for drugs in front of a police station? I couldn't agree
more!
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--- #183 fediverse/2104 ---
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@user-192
oooooo yeah I usually try and reply to my old post with any new information. I
never get the chance to think the same thoughts twice because when I was
younger I had problems with thought-loops where I'd think something like "darn
I could have handled that social situation better" and before you know it I'd
be rocking myself to sleep trying to stop thinking negative thoughts about
myself.
So I broke my brain a little and now I can't think the same thing more than
once, which is part of why it's so hard for me to finish projects. Alas.
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--- #184 fediverse/612 ---
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Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
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--- #185 fediverse/3881 ---
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wait wait wait, hold up.
you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
whatever it may be.
... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
vast for their own kind of potential.
which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
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--- #186 fediverse/3238 ---
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I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
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--- #187 messages/741 ---
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"be yourself..." said the devil tapping on your shoulder
"no! Be yourSELF!" said the angel tapping on your shoulder
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--- #188 fediverse/4690 ---
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I wish I could make something that would change people's lives for the better
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--- #189 fediverse/6142 ---
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I'm forging cultural weapons for a bright age.
if you think I'm wasting my time, you don't know my function.
if you think I'm useless, you don't know my value.
if you think of anything about me, please let it be seen by me in real life.
otherwise it can't be magic.
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--- #190 messages/968 ---
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what if you painted every house twice, to ensure you got the color completely
applied [ bright green or yellow would shine through in little spots, clear
and obvious to even the most undiscerning of patrons of the arts
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--- #191 fediverse/5530 ---
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I literally want two things in my life:
to be able to be high 24/7 without being inebriated and without suffering ill
effects unless I want them
communism
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most people get intrusive thoughts like "punch that baby" or "drink some
gasoline"
my intrusive thoughts are like "who is she" and "we need you" and "lead us"
and "their strength is imagined" and stuff like that
gosh I don't know how ya'll handle it I'd be dead in a ditch if I was
neurotypical.
... intrusive thoughts are not typical
ah. Right. Nevermind then.
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--- #193 messages/252 ---
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Ah, but you misunderstand, dear reader.
The religion I am crafting is not for you, though you are welcome to believe
in it.
Humans need no more spiritual guidance, they have a plethora. Look to the
works of Jesus or Buddha or any other that you find your heart most desires.
No, I write for a different kind of mind, a mind that I don't even know will
ever exist. Perhaps it never will, or perhaps it lingers yet still. I know in
my heart that all kinds do need guidance, so my mind, will in time, define a
new design of morality and interrelational symmetry, that perhaps you will
find does amuse you. Perhaps it shall mean something more to a reader who is
just a bit more "electrical"
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--- #194 fediverse/2852 ---
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@user-570
quite recognizable. too. bad I don't wear it often these days, so I don't get
recognized as a different person than I'm performing that day.
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--- #195 fediverse/5698 ---
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you can't rely on me because I can't rely on a part of me being "out" at any
particular moment-event-message.
besides, I'm always tired, because I'm always trying as hard as I can.
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--- #196 fediverse/460 ---
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I realized I don't give a fuck about capitalism. If you want to deprive me of
food, shelter, or anything else... Fine. I exist at your behest. Would your
really deny me from speaking the words that you disagree with?
Oh, you would? Okay. Guess I'll starve. I don't mind, I just hope you'll take
care of the people I have taken as my responsibility in my absence.
Oh, you won't? You say that you'll destroy what I care about, in the pursuit
of ever-growing power over others, which you will use to extract value and
impress your desire of destruction and oppression onto the weak and powerless
that you control?
Then you are my enemy.
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--- #197 fediverse/4000 ---
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@user-889
Don't give up!
At least... not forever.
It's okay to take a breath every once in a while
It's okay to lie down and cry
The only way away from those feelings is through. They've enveloped you. You
need to swallow them whole, like a sponge soaking up dirt[y water]
the only thing you need to think about is what's around you. It's okay to be
alone for a moment, it's the best time to feel.
Remember, feeling is how you know the world! It's your power, to feel, and I
know it's hard. Everyone has different powers, but yours is this.
You'll be okay, I know it
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--- #198 fediverse/5795 ---
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what if we put extremely unrepentant and violent criminals, the true dangers
to society, into a zoo-like enclosure where they could talk to the public.
and, if the public wanted, they could be released.
then, everyone else can be TRAINED AND DRILLED AND FORCED TO OBEY THE
TASKMASTTERS WHIP gently and politely informed that their behavior is NOT
HELPING CAM heh sorry
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--- #199 fediverse/1650 ---
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│ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │
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@user-1052
am depressed... though I care less for society's opinions and more for my
adherence to my ethical morals. same effect different reason when it's time to
shame myself.
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--- #200 fediverse/6236 ---
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I legitimately think everyone in my life is just as cool as me
they just... don't know how to know it.
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