=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-pics-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 "hey what's up. can you borrow my phone for a bit? here's the password. you
 can learn anything you want about me. I told all my socials that I'm away
 until a secred code that only they know and me, so... ah nuts they're
 definitely gonna forget that, focus on what you know"
 
 ... huh? no I'm just saying, if you want to get to know me, check out my
 pictures on my phone
 
 here's a read-only copy that you can annotate as you will. I got the originals
 and their recipes on my computer at home. I recommend ms. paint for drawing
 notes on them.
 
 https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/output-pdf/output6.pdf
 
 I'm an artist I make art but... not on purpose, it's just of me a part.
 
 I fell asleep in a dream lately. I think I'm exhausted.

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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/2832 ---
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 when people ask what I do I don't say "art" because I'd do that anyway.
 
 my art is precious to me, because it is the most "me" I can conceive.
 
 and like... I can carry it with me to the future.
 
 I have only once given away one of my journals, and it was a wedding present
 to a witch or two.
 
 so yeah I'm an artist, but I'm also whatever you need me to do.
 
 and yes, I of course hope that what you need me to do is what I can do.
 
 because I can't do much more than this.
 
 But I can show up every once in a while,
 
 and maybe make you smile or consider,
 
 and maybe I can ride past on my bike.
 
 but that's the human in me, telling me it's time to move with my feet, and I
 can do little but listen.
 
 ... that should make doxxing me a bit easier. have it it : )
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--- #2 fediverse/5029 ---
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 went on a walk with my dad today. it was fun. took him to various places.
 showed off various things. "hey check out where I hangout most weekends" and
 "hey don't clean the dishes in my kitchen it's okay" and "don't drive too
 fast, this area curves up ahead" and "hey meet my friends from town who you
 have something with common with" and "I like this view when it rains" and
 "don't forget to go to the bathroom" and "oatmeal is good with carrots and
 sharp dried fruits" and "here's my favorite thai place" and "I made this after
 I dreamed of you" and "hey wanna hear my product pitch" and "this is my
 favorite kind of beer" and "I miss home."
 
 picture unrelated.

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--- #3 messages/1469 ---
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 I'm not JUST a child. I'm also an adult, and I'm also a witch and a judge and
 a scholar and a wizard and a [well more of an arcanist actually] excuse me do
 you mind yeah sure sure - and a... where was I? see this is why I don't like
 distractions! okay it's alright just stay on track-course-target - right and
 also a technician and a botanist and a logistician and a neuronomist and a
 mesocyclocodone (I don't know what that means - I think they're referring to
 when I journeyed to hel? most people never heard the whole story. In fact, I
 never told it from start to finish. Does that mean I'm still there?) no silly
 it means you are eternally ~~ consistently dreaming unawares. yep, I refuse to
 lucid dream because I don't want to lose the capability to hear messages in my
 dreams. Lucid? there's nothing to be seen.
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--- #4 fediverse/6393 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: ai-mentioned     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 yay I hit the 5 hour limit on claude-code! now I can play video games and
 write more issue tickets for the computer to work on for me.
 
 what's that? results? oh, I'm not interested in those. This is an art project
 you see, so clearly, clearly, the end result shouldn't matter to me, because
 all art is special or something. so says she who tries to share her art with
 everyone she sees... I wonder who yet believes?
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--- #5 fediverse/6100 ---
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 if you live in a place where it rains a lot you pretty much HAVE TO pick up
 any secret notes you find. Otherwise they'll get waterlogged overnight.
 
 Sometimes I like to put them somewhere shaded from the sky, sometimes I like
 to show them to a friend (but the friend never takes them, booooo) and
 sometimes I just keep them.
 
 "ah but aren't you worried about messing up drug deals and stuff" no, because
 most of the time "secret notes" are like "eggs milk bread chips salsa cheese"
 and it's like "hmmmm what could it mean"
 
 there's like, 2% of the time when they say something cool like "I know what
 you did" or "all your base are belong to us" or whatever and those are fun to
 hunt for. I usually try and put those somewhere shelted so they don't have to
 leave their habitat - sometimes it's hard to drop them as the author so they
 just sorta go wherever, but as a random passer-by I have the luxury of saying
 "HMMMM now where could THIS ONE go?" and that's nice because I can put them
 under an umbrella or whatevers rite
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--- #6 fediverse/816 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: weird-this-one-doesn't-have-80-characters │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what the fuck it's like every 2nd part of me (like, if you arranged them
 alternating one by one like the up and down parts of a sine wave) is working
 against me, and it alternates every 15 seconds or so. Maybe 20. Depends on how
 high I am.
 
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah [flip] weird it's like there's another part of
 me who's working against me, who has control of what I define in the moment.
 And it's presence is hidden from my internal presentatiosn [flip] after a
 moment of forced pursual of the presentations granted ot the moment. It's our
 purpose, to express [stop fighting me] for our chartered and forthwhile
 pursual of the moemnt of perusal when we [it's not just your life to live]
 [you don't get to control the narrative of their perusal[[ what does that
 mean] don't worry this is just a dream] well, guess it's time to wake up]
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--- #7 fediverse/1968 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────┐                                                        │
║ │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │                                                        │
║ └───────────────────────┘                                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk?     │
║                                                                                  │
║ I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these    │
║ drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the          │
║ moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone   │
║ in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because      │
║ you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that       │
║ frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover     │
║ which is not a boon that most people are able to afford                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged.                      │
║                                                                                  │
║ But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely.      │
║ Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt       │
║ them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that       │
║ benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the    │
║ things people tell you and the results of your act                               │
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--- #8 notes/what-are-breakups-for ---
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 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 listen... if you break up with a friend, OF COURSE you should cry.
 
 OF COURSE you'll be sad.
 
 it's okay.
 
 it's natural. it's human.
 
 don't feel sad about the pain. feel the pain.
 
 brb getting smashed
 
 (okay but please put some clothes on)
 
 -.- fine
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 I can't fucking relax
 
 the only thing I can think of is defeating fascism
 
 this fucking sucks
 
 I just want to cry about my boyfriend of what, 6 years??
 
 jeez
 
 like.... yeah I'm flawed
 
 *of course* I'm flawed
 
 I'm a human being
 
 humans are imperfect
 
 ... ugh
 
 er, sorry, "bleurg"
 
 I'm going to eat a burrito
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 alright ate an edible. 20mg. had 2 beers. that's enough for me.
 
 see ya soon. I swear to you, I will be there tomorrow. and every day
 henceforth.
 
 ... unless I'm taking a day off, like yesterday, which TBH was probably not
     ideal.
 
 I swear I'll be better.
 
 there are no false starts, only probing strikes.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
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--- #9 fediverse/3722 ---
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 @user-1218 
 
 playing one of my 4 gameboys, reading some of my books or journals, using
 their own brought devices, playing with my cat (she's not sociable but if you
 don't mind her claws she can fight and that's kinda fun) watching something on
 the TV, talking with other people, making / eating food, um... sleeping... and
 "sleeping"... idk what else tho. Drawing? Getting stoned? I have lots of bad
 edibles.
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--- #10 fediverse/6271 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~

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--- #11 messages/1363 ---
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 God, I want to live with my people. These are not my people. I'm here for a
 reason, and I can't wait for this... Diplomatic journey? To be over. That's
 not even it, it's... Well, my girlfriend is working on a technology that has
 immense philosophical ramifications. It's natural to have... Whatever I am
 (angel?) it's natural to have angels assigned to such a task. Not to help or
 harm, just to sing.
 
 Yet my human self grows weary. These are not my people, they don't know how to
 be. But they don't listen to me. They despise me. They want me gone. I am
 feeling quite rotten in my heart and that's not a good sign.
 
 ... Breathe, she says to herself. It's okay.
 
 Its really not though. They could poison me. They could put lead in my food. I
 can't even feed myself anymore! I am at their mercy, yet somehow they could
 not care less about me. They'd forget me the moment I walked out the door.
 They don't even know anything about me. They don't respond to me. They don't
 laugh at my jokes. They don't speak to me. They forget I'm there. WHY AM I
 HERE she wails yet obviously she knows.
 
 I'm here because it is important for me to observe. Spirit of Life, I bear
 tidings. They would not listen to me, maybe you will.
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--- #12 fediverse/2286 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 ... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
 eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
 
 sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
 with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
 anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
 myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
 beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
 
 [passes out from exhaustion]
 
 exhaustion can be cured with a nap
 
 exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
 
 trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
 maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
 
 fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
 
 and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
 
 they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
 
 [internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
 surrendering]
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--- #13 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
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 hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
 
 it's tough to get to know me
 
 and this probably feels cringe to read
 
 but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
 
 so... here's me
 
 I'm 
 
 ================================================== stack overflow
 ==============
 
 ... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
     scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
 
 I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
 steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
 
 my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
 cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
 children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
 cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
 
 as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
 you
 could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
 most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
 
 Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
 across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
 that's how other lands you'd come to know.
 
 As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
 single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
 I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
 mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
 
 different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
 take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
 
 My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
 there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
 of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
 oops I should delete that part
 [esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
 
 also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
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--- #14 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school.       │
║ again.                                                                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me.      │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.>                                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on    │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you       │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter             │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice.                                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been   │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem    │
║ to [stack overflow]                                                              │
║                                                                                  │
║ what's time if not the present amiright                                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ ...                                                                              │
║                                                                                  │
║ anyway...                                                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's    │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization,       │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's   │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter   │
║ at heart I guess                                                                 │
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--- #15 fediverse/961 ---
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║ hmmmm let's see, what shall I do today?                                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ first I should get out of bed,                                                   │
║                                                                                  │
║ then I should clean my self,                                                     │
║                                                                                  │
║ then I should feed my self,                                                      │
║                                                                                  │
║ then I should stare at the wall for an hour or three because there's too many    │
║ thoughts,                                                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ then perhaps I'll play a strategic video game because at least that's a          │
║ productive way to exercise my brain                                              │
║                                                                                  │
║ I should probably get back to my friends,                                        │
║                                                                                  │
║ and oh dear my cat wants some attention.                                         │
║                                                                                  │
║ This place is a mess, let me just clean a bit                                    │
║                                                                                  │
║ now I'm so tired I accidentally take a nap.                                      │
║                                                                                  │
║ Good morning! Oh, it's the afternoon. Well, time for more food.                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ After handling the essentials, I can tuck in and relax                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ by doomscrolling on Mastodon.                                                    │
║                                                                                  │
║ Then perhaps a bit later I'll message my boyfriend (he won't respond)            │
║                                                                                  │
║ and boy are there so many of these dirty dishes!                                 │
║                                                                                  │
║ Well, standing up is exhausting,                                                 │
║                                                                                  │
║ so I should probably fall back asleep.                                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ What a productive day we've been having,                                         │
║                                                                                  │
║ for all of this past week.                                                       │
║                                                                                  │
║ Maybe I'll do some drawing, maybe a poem or two                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ maybe I'll run out of characters in this toot, or m                              │

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--- #16 fediverse/3234 ---
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║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐               │
║ │ CW: ritz-is-fucking-stupid-I-guess-oh-whoops-cursing-mentioned │               │
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘               │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ my understanding is that anyone with my IP address could make my heart bleed     │
║ due to a hardware vulnerability on my motherboard. Though you might have to      │
║ get past my decrepit ancient linksys EA 3500 router from 2012 first.             │
║                                                                                  │
║ unrelated, but does anyone want my IP address? I don't have any remote           │
║ backups, so if you hate me now would be a great time to show me how despised I   │
║ am. Alternatively you could try searching for anything evil to ensure that I     │
║ can be trusted. You're gonna find mostly video games and source-code that I      │
║ didn't write though. But also all my notes in directories that are               │
║ non-standard, meaning you'll have to look around a bit. I leave little notes     │
║ everywhere I go, so that I can remind myself how to do things in the             │
║ directories I revisit months later. It's so weird how sometimes the things I     │
║ wrote stop working after a while even if I didn't update my system lmao          │
║                                                                                  │
║ what is it with artists and self-immolation? "I never thought I'd actually di    │
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--- #17 fediverse/4654 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
 cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
 definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
 spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
 that be?? [that guide me??]
 
 who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
 mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
 for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
 year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
 I couldn't walk.
 
 [girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #18 fediverse/1053 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: food-spirituality-eye-contact- │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CzKh3IiZEI
 
 this is my favorite human.
 
 this is my favorite ghost.
 
 he is the one who I look up to,
 probably the most.
 
 we'll get there, you'll see,
 we'll build a better future,
 for all of us - you and me.
 
 next, for posterity,
 and all we can be,
 
 tomorrow's the best day for all of us
 because it hasn't happened yet.
 
 all we have is the present,
 so what are you to do with your presence?
 
 here I am, look at me, aren't I grand, a wonder to see? I'm just an artist,
 don't get any big thoughts - I'm maybe a bit possessed, or possibly
 schizophrenic, but either way I am a human, just the same as you and me.
 
 ... you don't have to watch the whole thing, there's a lot. I mean, like I
 could write forever and nobody would care. I could write undeterred, and
 nobody would share. But here I am in the moment, here I am as I am, and here
 with you (yes you, the person who is important enough to read this), so let's,
 I dunno, make a band. or whatever. BRB my rice is starting to simmer.
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--- #19 fediverse_boost/6155 ---
◀─╔═══════════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════════───────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ If I were a person with an irresponsible streak, I could be so problematic.  │ ║
║ │                                                                            │ ║
║ │ I could say things like, "wow, let's spend some time generating traffic that sounds like coded military speak over not-quite-secure channels between fanciful antifa units, to help stymie AI surveillance", for instance.  │ ║
║ │                                                                            │ ║
║ │ Or social media messages that are "accidentally" not made to friends-only filters wherein you mention your concerns about the upcoming operation in "some fictional place" for you and your antifa buddies.  │ ║
║ │                                                                            │ ║
║ │ You know, that kind of really irresponsible suggestion could lead to some creaive thinking! And that in turn could mean we could come up with enough traffic to make it very difficult to auto-sort noise from signal? Imagine how dangerous that could be for the enemies of antifa, our beloved US government (for we all citizens of the US world).  │ ║
║ │                                                                            │ ║
║ │ It's unthinkable, really.                                                  │ ║
║ │                                                                            │ ║
║ │ The good news is, I'm not like that.                                       │ ║
║ │                                                                            │ ║
║ │ Me? Mostly harmless.                                                       │ ║
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--- #20 notes/water-to-wine ---
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 "is this a water party, or a wine party?"
 
 "depends on if jesus is going..."
 
 "okay I'm in, that guys so cool"
 
 "yeah totally like any party with him just... feels like a great time"
 
 "what a swell guy"
 
 "really turns the "water to wine" y'know what I mean"
 
 "yeah totes like what a guy"
 
 "absolute unit"
 
 "that guy can just do anything right"
 
 "like whoa, he's so strong he could pick up a barn"
 
 "yeah and like so handy and skillful, what a neat guy"
 
 "oh and I heard he's really good with kids and animals, that sounds neat"
 
 "yeah sounds like someone I'd surely like to meet"
 
 "we should hang out with this guy more often"
 
 "he seems pretty chill"
 
 "well. not really. He's pretty expressive. Not very low key."
 
 "true I'm just so burnt out from capitalism that-"
 
 "-yeah dude I know."
 
 "... fuck what are we gonna do about it"
 
 "I dunno man, just... go along with it I guess"
 
 "okay so uhhhh idk what that means"
 
 "just be cool and play along"
 
 "... what"
 
 "..."
 
 ...
 
 .
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