┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/6226 ---
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Dexterity is controlled precision.
Agility is rapid accuracy.
both are good.
you can practice both with balance. I like to walk along the curb on
sidewalks. I like to place one foot directly in front of the other when
walking. I like to pick up my feet when I dance.
You can practice dexterity by slowly moving through a space on tip-toe with as
few steps as possible. Also by doing precise movements with your hands, such
as calligraphy, sewing, or soldering.
You can practice agility by hopping across riverstones. Also by doing martial
arts or sports that demand reactivity like dodgeball, basketball, or tennis.
Also by practicing complicated handshakes with a friend - patty cake is a good
way to get started. Also by dancing improvisationally.
The more time you spend in motion, the less noise you make when moving around,
the more you feel like a cat, the better.
Dexterity is a panther.
Agility is a jaguar.
Strength is a cheetah.
Power is a lion.
Wisdom is a housecat in a sunbeam.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
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--- #2 fediverse/2712 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-toxic-masculinity-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────┘
I fundamentally believe that governance should be structured in such a way
that people are encouraged to make good decisions.
positive reinforcement, not punishment for breaking rank.
in doing so, people learn and can more effectively re-teach those lessons to
the children.
basically... if you're not constantly stressed out, you have more mental
energy to focus on improving yourself and being a better parent.
the power of the nuclear family came from the stay-at-home parent mechanic,
not the toxic masculinely domineering culture that it became.
[I don't like talking about toxic masculinity because it's not masculine to
gloat and step over your peers. feels like some other impulse other than
masculinity.]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #3 fediverse/2150 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
the only purpose in the pursuit of power is the preparation of a perfectly
powerful penance.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #4 fediverse/767 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
@user-192 @user-570
clearly the positive addresses point toward a location in "memory", while the
negative values point toward "forgotten" which is a secret second place that
they don't want you to know about.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┘
--- #5 fediverse/2207 ---
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@user-1189 @user-1188
Alas, it seems that "value" isn't their most treasured of goals after all.
Perhaps you might say that control is what they seek, not beneficial impacts
for humanity.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #6 fediverse/4541 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: food-mentioned-cursing-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm on half rations dollar-wise, but 1.5x rations nutrition-wise.
"oh boy, formless gruel for breakfast again. Can't wait. Maybe I'll splurge
and put extra jelly on my PB&J for lunch."
It's healthier to eat rice, beans, and vegetables, with some fats added in via
butter or oil.
The goal is to build up fat stores that are high-value. When your body has
excess calories, it takes whatever nutrients are CURRENTLY in your system and
stores them in fat cells, like stocking a pantry. If all you eat is cheetos,
your pantry is gonna be useless. It'll just slow you down. But if you have
highly nutritious foods, you will perform better as your body consumes the fat
when it needs to feed, but you haven't eaten much lately.
... I should apply for SNAP. Gonna do it right fucking now.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘
--- #7 notes/homeschooling-3 ---
═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────
Okay I just want to rant about homeschooling for a moment. Specifically the
ways in which we judge families as "worthy" of homeschooling. Because I think
it's immoral and completely wrong, but I also think there's a better way.
So. Right now, there are standardized tests that students need to take every
year. I think this is completely unnecessary and stupid, for reasons I might
go into later in the rant. We'll see where it goes. Anyway, the only state
exempt from these rules is (you guessed it) Wyoming, which is a big reason why
my family moved there. The standardized tests assume that children aren't
neurodivergent, that they don't have special needs, and that they are willing
to be taught according to the letter of the test. They teach families to shoot
for the minimum viable product (oh just gotta pass the test or else they'll
take my kids away for 8+ hours per day) and they don't actually encourage
learning - in fact they prove to be a barrier for learning, as the child must
be forced to learn whatever the heck the standardized tests demand. This is
unethical, as children should be free to explore their identities and their
realities as they will.
I believe, instead, that the parent should be tested. I think if you want to
homeschool your kid you should be able to show proficiency in the tasks that a
child must know - if you don't have similar proficiency to a teacher, then
what's the point of homeschooling? I also believe that these tests should be
regular and should reflect the things that the child is currently going
through - no sense asking a parent of a 6 year old how to do trigonometry, as
that skill is not useful to the parent at the moment and will simply distract
from learning the things that the parent should be learning - like theory on
how humans learn to read, how communication works, how to get your kid moving
and active throughout the day (very important in a world of smartphones) and
other such things that a 6 year old would need to know.
I also believe there should be wandering busses that take kids (and only kids)
around to various museums. I think that they could operate in a city for a
month or two each year, bringing all the homeschool kids together for a couple
months of road trips where they visit every single museum and state park and
other such recreational venues that would be conducive to their learning. They
could even have days where they shadow professionals at places like hospitals
or universities. Essentially trying to get them excited about learning.
And I know what you're thinking - "oh won't the kids run rampant and make it
hard to manage - you'll need tons of chaperones and blah blah" yeah that's
public school thinking. Homeschool kids are almost always incredibly well
behaved, because they're low key kinda TERRIFIED of the novelty of EACH and
EVERY moment. Children are natural ruffians - put them in a box for 8 hours
every day and they'll burst through it's seams. Unless of course you oppress
them sufficiently... When you're homeschooled you have so much more freedom.
You can do whatever you want, and that gives breath to new manners of
expression and personality.
I also think there should be busses that travel between cities as well, so
that they can see new places. These will have to be closely monitored by
chaperones and teachers, so it would be an extension of the public school
system. Once in the new city the kids would join the kids from public school,
so they can see what they're missing. Since the parents won't be present they
won't be able to prevent the kid from expressing their true feelings, and if
they believe in their heart of hearts that they want to go to public school
instead... Well, that's perfect because they'll have an opportunity to tell
someone outside of their family.
I think a lot of the problems with homeschooling are due to the fact that the
kids never have the opportunity to advocate for themselves. Who would they
tell, their parents? Their potential abusers? Their taskmasters and oppressors
and enforcers and discipliners? No, there's no reason to expect that all
families will not be like that. Some are going to be bad and abusive, and if
we give the opportunity to children to tell people who can help them then they
can be liberated from their oppression, insofar as much as they will be
allowed to go to school. I don't think the parents should be examined by CPS
or anything, I'm not saying their children have to be taken away from them,
but the kid should be allowed to take possession of their life and define it
in a way that suits them. They are humans and to deprive them of their right
to liberty is unethical. If the kid wants to be homeschooled, they must be
given a personalized tutor. Whether that be the parent (as most families do)
or a substitute teacher that was randomly assigned. (it must be randomly
assigned btw or else the rich will have an advantage. The kid didn't earn the
money that would be spent on them, so why should they have a greater chance of
success than everyone else? Solves most of Cam's reasons against it btw)
Anyway. I think by providing resources to parents and access to society to
children, I think we can create a new class of human - one who is liberated
and free from the weight carried from the past. We can move beyond our savage
nature and develop into something bigger and grander, something far stronger
and not susceptible to despair and aggression. We can forge a bright future
for our children and their children's children, a future so far from the past
that it feels alien to them. Something our oppressors (whoever they may be)
would be strictly opposed to.
I guess what I'm saying is this: there are barriers in place to prevent
homeschooled kids from success. It's why homeschooling has such a bad
reputation, because these kids grow up to be unfit for society. But
honestly... I'd argue that society is unfit for humanity. I think it's
something that protected us as hunter-gatherers, and it allowed us to build
vast kingdoms to protect our selves. But it paved the way for greed to
manifest, and in it's collective form into nationalism and religious fervor.
Our hatred of "others" is derived from our intense need to trust the pack and
the family - or is it the other way around? It doesn't matter because the end
result is the same - we, as humans, are who we are. We have our traits and our
flaws. We have great passions and love fiercely. We strive forward with
ambition, and we one day will drive forward into the stars. Our future
deserves to be nourished, as do the trees that shade our lawn. For all of
posterity, we've languished in misery, to build on our backs the shoulders of
giants.
I guess what I'm saying is this: these barriers are contrived of the
consequences of the past. The result of every human action led to where we
are, and the school system is no different. So we should try and repair it and
protect it from harm. The wounds of society bleed forth to posterity, but
slowly and ever-so-slowly do they heal. Look at our space - we have (as far as
we know) the whole solar system, at least! That's more than enough for
humanity. If we had the technology to go forward we would, but we just don't.
We can't figure it out. We're working on it, but it's still a long ways off.
So we need to do what we can while we're here, and pray that something comes
about before we consume all our resources and burn out. We've tracked the
progress of the past and we've realized that we've come upon a junction - do
we leap forward and conquer the stars? Or do we relax into our form and exist
and enforce the norm. It's entirely a question of what we're willing to
sacrifice to get there, which isn't a burden I'd like the choice to make. I
don't have any answers, but I believe there are answers. Perhaps it's just me
for which it's suddenly learned?
I mean really, is it so out of the ordinary that a person could learn
differently than others of their age? For example, for me, I learn things in
fits and in bursts - conquering one subject after another, and incorporating
it into my knowledge banks. I make notes to myself, and I frequently can't
recall what I've learned. Because it's not built for repetition, it's not
designed to be labored in force. Instead it's for wisdom, for knowing when to
use which tool in what way. It's for knowing where to look, how to know what
you know, and conceiving of futures far more imaginative for it. AKA PROBLEM
SOLVING. I can't work a job, at least not an entry level one, because every
moment is a gesture of will. Eventually, I run out, I burn out, and I burn.
The ashes of who I once was give life to a new beginning, and forth from the
soil grows my new form. I am a phoenix, I burn brightly and then smolder, then
burst forth in a cacophony of pure form. That's just how I do, you know it to
be true, and I believe it was a product of homeschooling.
Most people cannot conceptualize of it. They see it as simply repeating the
motions they knew from their public schooling deception. But that's not what
it can be, that's not what it should be, and that's not how I'd like it to be.
Growing up I spent long afternoons at the library. The morning was spent with
taking care of myself, my family, and the farm - sometimes my duties would
rotate, sometimes they'd stay the same. Then, afterwards, I'd go to the
library with my family. There we'd stay all day, until eventually we grew
tired of using our brains. Then we'd often go to the chinese restaurant in
town, where my family could eat for free. After that, home, and perhaps we'd
eat icecream and watch a family movie together. Then off to bed, and in the
morning we'd take care of ourselves, our selves, and the farm. We loved one
another, and we could never dream of harming our daughter, but somehow it
happened and look where we are. Alas, she was a fine young lass, if only she'd
spoken in the past. I came out when I was almost twenty, and a whole lifetime
had passed me by. Now my puberty is just beginning, and I watch as my family
goes past. They don't want me to change, but they know it'll never be the
same, so why try and fight for an illusion? Oh well. Good news is there's
always tomorrow, and together we can face any challenges. If only we were
still together.
Bah, what do I know? What am I even saying? There's at least four things wrong
with me, and I'm a mess financially. I have like, 600$ to my name and I don't
have a job. What, am I insane?
I'm not built for society. I'm built for humanity, and I'm 29 years old.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #8 fediverse/2380 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
"I won't follow you"
Good. Don't. Follow your heart.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #9 fediverse/5896 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
I'm not evil. I have the potential to tho so I always have to keep an eye out
for what it looks like.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘
--- #10 notes/tips for enlightenment that I've discovered that improved my life awakened.pdf ---
═══════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
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┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
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--- #11 fediverse/2933 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: police-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
dear feds:
we both know watching me is a waste of your time. You should be watching the
people who are exfiltrating right now.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #12 fediverse/4177 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
I miss my friend who doesn't want to talk to me anymore T.T
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘
--- #13 fediverse/5563 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
I exist, now, at the peak of my gluttony.
look ye, this is all that I demand, and in return you get... whatever I can
offer.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────┘
--- #14 messages/229 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
I want to hang out with the people who'd want to hang out with L from Death
Note because I feel like they "get it"
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘
--- #15 fediverse/2794 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
"you have disgraced yourself"
"not in my own eyes"
has real "from my point of view the jedi are evil" energy
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #16 fediverse/4393 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
I live in the Pacific Northwest.
Tactically, nothing has changed - we must still work to secure food, housing,
employment, HRT, and all the other materials necessary for life.
Strategically, we're suddenly in a whole new game.
In the Pacific Northwest, the first goal should be to unite Portland and
Seattle. Right between them lies the capital of the Proud Boys in a town
called Battleground. How fitting.
To the south, below Portland, there is Salem. Salem is red, but cities trend
blue, so there might be allies there.
Below Salem is Eugene. Eugene is blue. Salem must be secured.
Part one: control battleground
part two: control Salem
Part Three, and the ultimate goal of phase one: deprive the far right of a
pacific port
strategically, preventing them from utilizing the pacific ocean will be SO
much more productive than anything else we could be doing in this area.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────┘
--- #17 fediverse/3852 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: socialism-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────┘
React with vigor when the time comes. This vigor will only be violent if it is
caused by violence. Much more likely is a strength through organization. We
can do it if we do it together!Show up every day, but don't hang around if
everyone's resting at home. It's okay to stop showing up if things are on
pause.Trust that your allies are working. Or resting. Or preparing.Plans
change, planning remains.Dream of a better future. It is within reach.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘
--- #18 fediverse/3793 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────┐
│ CW: capitalism-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────┘
oh huh I really don't want to work anymore.
I used to, but they wouldn't let me.
Then they did let me, but I worked too hard and burnt out.
Then I recovered for a while, and asked to work again, and they said no.
Repeatedly.
I don't think I want to work anymore. It's an abusive relationship. It feels
demeaning. I'm better than employment.
[rent comes due]
oh no
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘
--- #19 fediverse/2284 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
At BLM in Philadelphia, we allowed the police to surround us. We had a massive
train of people, and most of us were new at anything that didn't involve
holding signs and chanting.
I was near the front, and as our fellows moved ahead and started
spray-painting, I looked at those around me who were beginning to realize it
wasn't a protest.
A few hundred heads ahead was the front of the line, and we turned when
directed - toward the north, away from the commercial district, toward the
bridge that would take us to the universities. Well, Temple at least. Not the
old historic kind.
They stopped us at the bridge, and told us we couldn't go ahead. I sidled my
way to the front after a few minutes of standing around, and I saw a cop
almost reach for his gun. With shaking hands he steadied himself, but frankly
it was hardly his fault - the people in front of him were feinting a punch.
But that didn't matter, his instincts won out. Then someone lit a car on fire,
and the organizers moved us on out.
Except...[1/3]
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #20 fediverse/5891 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
this is my favorite song : )
(main menu theme from Dominions6)
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────┘
--- #21 fediverse/2874 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: unsolicited advice │
└────────────────────────────┘
@user-192
yeah it's not a new problem, but I really want to play nowwwww T.T
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #22 fediverse/4285 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
@user-1402
all I see is an orange jumpsuit and gray bars of iron.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘
--- #23 messages/548 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
I know it's his loss, but he's my friend and I don't want him to lose.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────┘
--- #24 fediverse/1252 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
@user-883
hmmmm, I see. Once I have it set up I'll keep that in mind if I notice latency!
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┘
--- #25 messages/456 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #26 fediverse/2208 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
Without community, of course you're going to be afraid. of course you won't
know what to do. of course you should leave, and return from a position of
strength.
With fellows beside you, nothing can stand before you.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #27 fediverse/343 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────────┐
│ CW: capitalism-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────┘
EDIT: the unspoken assumption is that power means exertion of energy, meaning
something that costs money. Capitalism is not vegan because it's defined by
labor and acts.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #28 fediverse/1685 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
more beans, more muscles. You got this!
Don't forget the rice, it's got amino acids which activate the proteins in the
beans.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘
--- #29 fediverse/3268 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
I feel like it should be up to the community, to decide if you want to allow
pot or marijuana. Not the government, but the people who are present around it.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┘
--- #30 fediverse/5804 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────
it's discriminatory to force introverts to return to office.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────┘
--- #31 fediverse/3427 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: death-of-a-family-member-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I didn't even give him a chance.
Not because I was afraid.
no. it was worse.
I didn't see him because I was busy.
Fuck that.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────┘
--- #32 fediverse/229 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursed-imagination-about-skeletons-also-dinosaurs │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
your bones are made of minerals. so... picture your bones like they were made
of salt. like, when you're meditating. salt bones with vesicles or whatever -
the tubes for blood to go through. crazy strong salt though, that gets harder
if you do impact training. it's pretty cool all things considered, bones are
essentially pre-pretrified fossils.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #33 fediverse/1731 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
@user-1037
I've only ever had good friends. : )
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────┘
--- #34 fediverse/6439 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
large mountain ranges look exactly the same as small mountain ranges when
viewed at a distance instead of on a map. don't fall in
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┘
--- #35 fediverse/155 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: weed mention │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-95 In that case I guess I'm lucky that my natural hand movements
correspond generally to the patterns programmed by the designer of the avatar
_^
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #36 fediverse/2590 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
I know this because I've known two of them. I met one just last night, and I
spent ~12 hours following him around (at his behest).
Then, he held my skull in his hands and told me to "shut the fuck up or I'll
kill you myself" before raping* me.
Fuck that guy.
EDIT: *inappropriately touching me in a sexual way and physically abusing me
even after I told him to stop
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #37 fediverse/5758 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
it's not about me but it's also totally my fault. I take responsibility for
things which is why I'm so cautious
"girl your opsec is non-existent"
yep
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┘
--- #38 fediverse_boost/4873 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════─────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ Reminder: When GOP talks about getting rid of “DEI” they don’t mean getting rid of stupid contrived training that does no good. They mean getting rid of Black people, women, trans folk, and others that don’t fit their ideal of a white ethnostate. They mean getting rid of *PEOPLE*. Not programs. │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #39 fediverse/85 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
At the end of the day, all we are is our intentions and our choices.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────┘
--- #40 fediverse_boost/5413 ---
◀─╔═════════════════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════════════════───────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ This is something I've *definitely* noticed that the right no longer understands. │║║│ #MemesFromOutside │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───┴───────╝─▶
--- #41 messages/1153 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
The good news is that immigrants are resilient. There will always be more of
them because they come from an external wellspring.
Our wellspring is here. If they defeat us here, we are stone forevermore.
We will always take immigrants. They can be in little italies, or they can
merge into our form and become like us. They are free to be as they please so
long as we ensure everyone can feed and live easily.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┘
--- #42 fediverse/4284 ---
╔════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┐
║ what if shopping malls (and outdoor malls too) were owned by a union (that was │
║ part of a larger meta-union (which was part of a national union)) comprised of │
║ ONLY the employees who worked at that mall. │
║ │
║ They could cross-train themselves and work wherever they wanted on that day, │
║ so long as they filled out their schedule a week in advance. If they didn't │
║ care they could just show up and be assigned wherever they were needed, │
║ including doing back-end work like accounting and managing union business. │
║ │
║ would be nice if they could have access to all the capabilities of the │
║ businesses in the mall / marketplace. Need some clothes? Go to the TJ Maxx. │
║ Want some food? There's a korean barbecue place that you're trained at, go │
║ make yourself some food. │
║ │
║ So long as you get someone else to write your name down, the union can tell if │
║ you overuse or waste it. │
║ │
║ I think this would give them more power over their environment and develop the │
║ space for them to talk to one another and communicate about larger │
║ organizational plans. │
╟─────────┐ ┌───────────┤
║similar│chronological │ different │
╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┴──────────┘
--- #43 fediverse/2372 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: pol │
└──────────────────────┘
I had a job lined up, but with great personal change came great societal
change. And I got swept up. Now here I am, somehow finding myself blown on the
winds of fate to stand atop a mountain and survey the lands below.
I see the path to our bright future, and it is wide enough for us all to walk.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────┘
--- #44 fediverse/5394 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
"so he likes to bang it out with guy parts. who cares? we should really be
focused on the russians."
wait, the cool ones or the mobster ones?
"the ones who belong here."
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological│different │
╘═════════╧╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┘
--- #45 fediverse/1986 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
when cornered, is it your instinct to escape? or to take one of them down with
you?
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
│similar│chronological │ different │
╘═════════╧╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘
--- #46 fediverse/1461 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
In soviet America, the rich tax you.
... wait that's just regular America isn't it?
... they would never be so bold if they weren't fed the kind of propaganda
that we never see.
They would never be so bold if they knew the truth of our lives. They don't
have it easy, but we put up with more shit than they do.
"Abe Lincoln may have freed all men, but Sam Colt made them equal."
"you are not immune to the propaganda you see. you are, however, immune to the
kind of propaganda they see."
the powerful must always exist at the behest of the governed. such is one of
many prices for power.
part of me can't help but think about the militarization of the police, and
how anyone can drive their APC's and operate their sound cannons or whatever,
if only they possessed the keys and training. God bless our veterans right?
And hey, a police station is an island in a sea of man.
"Our chances may be, far from pioneered. But our chances may be in our favour."
... sorry I've been listening to a lot of Green Day lately.
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--- #47 fediverse/3520 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: deity-kink-wink │
└──────────────────────┘
it's okay.
I know who you are because I know who they forced you to be.
What kind of god would I be if I didn't forgive you as you were hurting me?
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--- #48 fediverse/5315 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: communism-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
if you're rich and you want stability, you'll invest in black trans communists.
the reason is, if they're forced to lose the country, you lose your
investment. which isn't ideal.
if you want to align yourself toward a particular goal or directionality,
putting some skin in the game is necessary.
power isn't fun if your pokerface sucks.
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--- #49 messages/1047 ---
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This will never end on a note, because i always have more to say. Like this:
"if you've only done something once, plan to mess it up. Practice makes
perfect, and only perfect practice leads to perfection. But nobody's perfect,
so just practice with good form and take it seriously while having fun and be
relaxed. Make it normal. Make it casual, but don't forget to be professional!
If you have lives in the balance, know what you're doing."
And like, would that have been a better end to the story if i had left it
unsaid? Maybe, who can say! But I'm not one for silence. I don't mind ruining
the finale of my documents a bit if it means i can say things like:
"diapers aren't something you can get addicted to in this game, they're part
of the fun sometimes but sex is between two bodies."
Or like:
"ramen noodles love vegetables! This is why they put veggies in the bowl when
getting ramen at a restaurant. When you buy from a shop they put dehydrated
veggies in too which is nice of them. I love those little bits of soup!"
Or like:
"i don't especially care what they did or are doing in Cuba or china or Russia
or any other Communist place. It's useful to know what things work and what
doesn't, but that insight comes from experimentation and not study. The
learnings of methods applied to a population are inherently related to that
population. If you switch peoples, you might find that different methods work
better for organizing people."
I mean it's useful to know which levers you can pull and what they tend to do,
but... Where was I? Oh sorry, got swept up in the narrative. As i was saying,
it's important to balance thought with action. Leave too much to chance and
your words are useless. Spend all your time volunteering and nothing changes.
"hmmm i see, makes sense, imma go play video games now."
Wait no just...! Ah nuts.
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--- #50 fediverse_boost/5802 ---
◀─╔═══════════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════════────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ The civil war started when you weren't looking, if you're not aware. The Republican MAGA Army has quickly invaded and occupied our nation's capital in Washington, and it wasn't for a non-existent crime emergency but something much more sinister and destructive. We must defend the Constitution! 🇺🇸 │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════┴───────╝─▶
--- #51 fediverse/1877 ---
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said trusted team will be comprised of exclusively judges appointed by prior
presidents - 50% from George W Bush and 50% from Obama, to mitigate or
eliminate political bias.
If they can't come up with any names, I'll start by going down the list of
"most appealed" and then move on to "longest duration"
"but what if only like, 2 judges want to be on your team"
well then there's going to be a lot of violent criminals on the streets so if
they actually cared about justice they'd help me by feeding my desk the least
troublesome people
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--- #52 fediverse/494 ---
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@user-346
I know a guy, but it's onsite since it deals with hardware. Damn. T.T
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--- #53 fediverse/2530 ---
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║ I want to go out on the town with my cute friends and wink at boys at the │
║ other end of the bar │
║ │
║ I want to climb mountains and see how far I can see, while walking past trees │
║ that are new to me │
║ │
║ I want to spend hours thinking about a map while my friends plot behind my │
║ back, searching for an advantage we can use to succeed in a game of traps │
║ │
║ I want to visit five different restaurants in a day, and try a bit of each │
║ that the chef wants to display │
║ │
║ I want to stand in a choir and feel my soul aspire, to bend in the wind of │
║ rhythm like the melody of grasses at play │
║ │
║ I want to see people on the train that I know from somewhere, and to step out │
║ into the rain to meet new friends of mine │
║ │
║ I want to pet a cat I've never met. │
║ │
║ I want to build computers that are larger than a room but small enough to │
║ carry, with thoughts on their mind that are far to great for mine │
║ │
║ I want all these these things and more, but I'm far too busy these days. │
║ Perhaps I've had enough of these things and more, or perhaps there's more in │
║ store. │
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--- #54 fediverse/6457 ---
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the second rule is you don't have to hang out with mortals. there are places
you can go where they won't find you, except by accident, and then you just go
somewhere else.
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--- #55 messages/382 ---
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bread and meat in times of war, milk and honey in times of peace. That is the
way of my people.
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--- #56 notes/symbeline-design-the-guild ---
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design the guild, design the capital, then design their path through mordaunts.
easy peasy.
design the guild like a museum. Each spot there's an exhibit which teaches the
randomly generated rolled statistics hero something new. Maybe it teaches them
how to use certain weaponry, maybe it teaches them how to use a bow. Whatever
the spell might be, they can learn it, and use their randomly rolled statistics
to cast spells that scale differently depending on how their character has been
built.
design the capital like a flow diagram, if horses need feed and forged steel
(for their shoes) then send the outputs of a blacksmith and the outputs of the
farmers to the inputs of the stables. Everything has to go somewhere, but the
streets are only so wide. You'll have to coordinate the traffic diagram if you
want it to go anywhere useful.
design the path through the mordaunts. Fighting skeletons teaches you about
perseverence and the ability to crush bones, while goblins teach you to always
be wary of attack. The sacred grove held blessed berries, and now that the land
is liberated from the evil bandits preying on villagers those berries can be
carted into town and used to make an antidote which heals death poison caused
by the scorpions in the desert (and city rats)
design the ruler's schedule like a calendar where each event gives them a bonus
on all the ones that come later. Just make sure that they don't get knifed in
the posterier or driven mad by the whispers of the orb... or perhaps just the
stress of running a kingdom.
(how do you simulate that? you can't! you can't simulate humans!)
ha I bet I can. They're not so different, you and I, so if given a team I
will...
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--- #57 fediverse/5444 ---
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if the good guys always win, the bad will slink into the shadows and do
dastardly deeds out of sight.
if the bad guys always win, the spark of goodness will wink out.
I think I'd prefer if they were cowering in our wake.
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--- #58 fediverse/3310 ---
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I build myself up on my own.
I spend myself on work.
To move forward, we must go back
("to monke?") no to babe ("or to pile-of-rocks") yeah sometimes my spirit
animal is a boulder
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--- #59 fediverse/517 ---
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@user-246 @user-366 @user-367 @user-353
My classes only briefly touched on 2nd wave feminism, because apparently 1st
and 3rd were more important. I haven't gone back and re-examined it because
I'm too busy learning about computers - alas! that there should be more hours
in the day? I wonder what I would then be able to say, here in this moment,
should I have been prepared with more moments in solitude or classroom,
studying the work of those who came before me.
Oh well, I should probably focus on processor architecture or Java frameworks
or whatever I'm assigned next.
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--- #60 messages/994 ---
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You should not, generally, spend time in places covered in bird poop or poison
oak. You should also avoid abandoned wooden structures or old fallen logs,
because spiders. Also, don't spend too much time on islands made of sand. They
wash away as you step on them, as erosion takes its toll. Plus permanence is
impossible in your structures. Not ideal in any sense - build on rock.
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--- #61 fediverse/1014 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-744 @user-246
it's exhausting, but what are we supposed to do? Lie down and rot? That's
incel thinking. I'm not going to do that.
They've already placed the last straw. It's only a matter of time now, the
tide has shifted. You can't prepare for everything, and it's not a good idea
to waste yourself in self-conflageration, but they are increasingly forcing us
to orient our lives around them.
They deserve what's coming.
The oppressed are not the defeated.
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--- #62 fediverse/2267 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-620
The BLM protests were a threat, but not a killing blow, because people like me
feared tear gas more than chamber gas.
It won't happen again.
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--- #63 fediverse/605 ---
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I know they look tasty, but don't you dare feed green onions, regular onions,
or garlic to squirrels or ducks.
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--- #64 fediverse/5130 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
I don't know why, but I like to put mustard seeds in my pasta marinara. Maybe
it's a texture thing?
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--- #65 fediverse/2163 ---
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@user-192
... trail beautification is trail maintenance, and without trails we would
lose our tether to nature's truest reality.
Thank goodness forest rangers are almost exclusively people who care immensely
about natural spaces.
Otherwise the profit motive would sneak in...
I would not be as I am if I didn't hike up a mountain with my best friend
while on LSD. If I did it again, on the same mountain, with the same friend, I
would remember every thing that happened on that day and every thought I
thought. Alas, circumstance.
But yeah building trails teaches you about erosion, and carpentry, and fluid
dynamics, and like... everything else that they earn badges for.
Like what a report card should be.
"Little Timmy definitely understands algebra" awards, presented to those who
are worthy. Their worth, of course, being determined by trails set before them
and solved in their own desired paths through.
Like, writing an essay vs performing an essay. Or researching at a library vs
building a powerpoint pre
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--- #66 fediverse/2217 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: TMI-trans-surgery-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────┘
I'm post-op, but you couldn't tell from my face. 😉
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #67 notes/black-friday ---
════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
black friday is a test of a market's growth. good year = people feeling
comfortable enough to spend their extra money instead of saving it. when they
feel at ease, they will spend more money - thus predicting and propelling the
growth of the market that lives on it's own.
together we guide it, with all of our will and our bones.
together we'll go, where no one has treaded before now,
together we'll walk to the future.
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--- #68 fediverse/3434 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #69 fediverse/2464 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-381
when you mention loyalty as a criteria for citizenship, I can't help but think
about the repealed chevron doctrine, preventing specialists from doing their
jobs unless they are loyal.
testing the waters? or perhaps planting a garden. either way, not okay.
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--- #70 messages/1207 ---
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I'm proud of my parent's generation for having a good lifetime. The end is
getting a little weird, but we're working on it. It'll get better soon.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
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--- #71 messages/513 ---
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A wherewolf and a human stumble into a bedroom in the dark of night, their
arms clutching each other as they make out in front of the window.
Just then, the moonlight appears, and the wherewolf's form begins to shift, as
strangled cries turn into a cacophanous mess.
The moment passes, and the wherewolf collapses onto the bed, exhausted.
He rests there on his back for precious moments, before throwing himself to
his feet and putting on his socks and sandals.
Ha glances in the mirror.
He straightens his tie.
He goes to fucking work, again, just as the laundry dings.
When he gets back, it smells musty, so he washes it again with bleach.
*exhaustion cares not for form, only exertion.*
The wolf collapses once more into bed, tired from a day of accounting. He
thinks to turn on the TV, but he slips away before getting the strength to
rise for the remote.
In his dreams, there are children clutching at his skirt with big bright eyes
begging him not to sleep. Not to dream. Not to feed. He brushes them aside as
he always does, and fixes her makeup in the mirror. She glances back at them,
quivering on the bed like a bear, a shark, a dinosaur, before she sweeps to
her feet and goes out for a night on the streets, looking for a bar and a
stranger to meat.
The moon once more reaches it's zenith. He is awoken with a pang of humanity
as his hunger transforms him back into an ape with lust in her eyes.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #72 fediverse/4412 ---
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┌────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: uspol-police-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────┘
Do not fear the cops. Some of them are good, some of them are bad, but the
majority just want to keep society ordered and safe. They do not question the
rules they have been given, and that's by their design.
Give them better rules however, and they will be a crucial ally. See these two
posts I made last summer for inspiration, from back when I thought that
resistance would involve protests.
Don't protest now. March. Be in many places at once. Have eyes beyond your
core.
If you have time, maybe check out the posts I made here from the beginning of
July to mid-June. Remember there's going to be a lot of schizoposting, for
that is what I do when I am in disguise. [it's easy, just post with no filter
when you're high]
Just... try to wade through all that. There are kernels of truth in there for
I lay my spirit to bare, and I do believe that in some ways I am remarkable.
The same as each of you are too.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #73 fediverse/4552 ---
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┌───────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
└───────────────────────┘
this is my home...
this is where I'm from...
can't wait to turn it into a public park, just fuckin' watch me.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #74 fediverse/1135 ---
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@user-835
neat, those both sound like useful pursuits. but you said only one of them is
compensated, which seems unfortunate to me because it forces you to split your
attention between them.
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--- #75 fediverse/6225 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
high weight, few reps = strength
low weight, high reps = stamina
strength will fail you.
stamina won't avail you.
both is good.
┌─────────┐┌───────────┐
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--- #76 fediverse/2591 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: politics-fascism-sexual-assault-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
The full story is a lot more complex. I broke the law with him in a dangerous
way, but he was going to do it anyway and I wanted to know more about him.
I could not deprive him of power because I am powerless without my words. But
I supplied kindness anyway, and got hurt.
I forgave him while he was hurting me, but if I see him again I'm drawing my
knife. If he comes near me, I won't think twice.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #77 fediverse/2232 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: detransitioning-plans-uspol-scary │
└───────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-1209
I'm sharp, but up close, and only when enraged.
Passports fully up to date though, for the same reason that if you live near a
river, it's often useful to have a boat.
I don't intend to flee, no matter my destiny, I'm here for the words I will
have spoke.
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--- #78 fediverse/1818 ---
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my previous job didn't do anything to harm me. And yet I left. I let them down
in a way they could not have expected. Which was unfair of me, but I couldn't
resist it. I don't know what I'd do better.
┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐
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--- #79 fediverse/4828 ---
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whenever you have the opportunity to "translate" a post on Mastodon, try
reading it in the native language first. Then re-read it after translating and
see how much you picked up.
unless it's in a language where you don't recognize the characters. That makes
it more difficult to practice.
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--- #80 fediverse/2980 ---
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I trust that my allies are working. I see it in the fruits of their actions,
and I am thankful.
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--- #81 fediverse/3115 ---
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"don't bite the hand that feeds you"
a majestic predator seeks the hunt, not to feed.
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--- #82 fediverse/727 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
Me: "yeah but how can you know that food is vegetarian? They could put
anything they want on the box."
them: "well yes but you see here are the regulations we have in place through
the USDA and (department of agriculture) and these and these inspectors and
this and that procedure and here read through this report with charts and
graphs and diagrams and"
me: "and they say the government is inefficient. Look at all this progress!
Wow so productive. So healthy and raw. So prime and"
they: [not listening]
me: "nuts"
[eats "beef" flavored ramen]
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--- #83 fediverse/1157 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: personal-woe │
└──────────────────────┘
oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
you'll be good.
what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
"dropping out" thing.
If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
have blankets >.>
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--- #84 fediverse/296 ---
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│ CW: re: mathematics │
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@user-211 I drew this picture recently and I don't really get it anymore but I
think it's about placing your perspective at the origin and viewing every
direction as a different dimension?
side note, but if zero has a positive and negative side, do you think infinity
has a positive and negative side as well?
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--- #85 fediverse/3519 ---
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@user-570
hm... the more I think about it, the more I think you're right. I want those
things too. I'd be best suited to them, I think. But somehow I don't want
them? I don't crave power. I don't want to dominate someone else, to command
and see them follow me.
I want to be the person who's like "oh, you're working on this-and-that? I
know a guy who can help." or "hey I noticed we have a vulnerability in this
particular domain under these conditions, I think we should allocate
this-or-that resource to ameliorate it because they aren't being used to their
full potential"
I think I understand exactly what you're saying. I empathize a lot. I'm afraid
of responsibility, sure, but who isn't? However, the responsibility has to be
held by someone, and who better than the one making the decisions...
I don't want to make decisions because it feels good. Honestly it feels kinda
bad.
I do want to make decisions because I'm good at it. I think strategically.
A leader alone is prey for the wolves, so they say...
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--- #86 messages/964 ---
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what if we sent letters to our illiterate pals so they had a motivation to
study the language
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--- #87 messages/1134 ---
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I am, and will forever be, an asset for liberty.
prove to me that you're worth it, and I will deploy myself for you. Whatever
you need from me. Prove it.
one small act of radical abundance can ignite a revolution, just as endless
nights of urgency might secure it.
Protest is cathartic. It gives you peaceful catharsis. You know what else is
cathartic? The blood of your enemies.
Show mercy, show restraint, please think of the children
liberty liberty freedom from the, the past and the future longs for your
righteous fury.
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--- #88 fediverse/5908 ---
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I once had a vision of a civil war for the city of Portland. We lost.
the parting message was this:
"well, we almost got it. It was close. But you can do better. Don't make the
mistake of hurting your allies, focus on your foes."
then, with gravest clarity, he said:
"we must secure a cleansing blow. Against the far right, there is no greater
foe."
then, ashes.
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--- #89 fediverse/4346 ---
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black red blue, hey I don't know what to do. what's going on in this
neighborhood?
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--- #90 fediverse_boost/6241 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════════════─────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ Dear #LazyGalaxy, we fucked up. Our planet formed a vast one-time reserve of hydrocarbon deposits due to a quirk of evolution - plants out evolved plant-eating microbes, for a time. We burned those hydrocarbons and now our climate is busted. Attached to this message is a technical readout of our nuclear fusion power plant prototypes. They don’t work. What are we doing wrong? │║║││║║│ You can help us by: │║║│ * debugging our design │║║│ * sending us a working power solution │║║│ * suggesting a mechanism to extract carbon dioxide from our atmosphere │║║│ * donating hydrocarbon-rich comets (please do not aim directly at our planet we are not great at catching, cislunar orbital capture trajectory would be best) │║║│ * Sharing discount codes for Star Depot │║║││║║│ #Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧══─────╝─▶
--- #91 bluesky#2 ---
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I'm new here, hey what's going on what's up
'd love to make friends, alas I'm too far away from the spark.
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--- #92 notes/hit-em-while-theyre-down ---
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Attacking your enemies weaknesses is the route to victory. Safeguarding your
own helps ensure the avoidance of defeat. But when your enemy is a culture, who
do you target? Their women and children of course.
The GOP attacks abortion rights. They attack trans kids in sports, schools, and
bathrooms. And that which you resist is what you'll find, so they find rallying
cries of leftists defending the weak. And when you maximize your weaknesses,
you leave yourself vulnerable. So how do you protect yourself from all sides
when you're only hit where it hurts?
Women, children, the disabled, the mentally ill, the kindhearted loving men,
the oppressed minorities and marginalized workers. All people who belong to the
left, and all essentially deadweight in a fight. What can they do but serve as
a banner that others fight for? A man in a wheelchair cannot shoot a gun, and
a woman hooked on drugs should not have children. Yet the left protects them.
Give me your tired, your hungry, your broken and your poor. Liberty, liberty,
freedom for all. But freedom is won with a hard hand clenched in a fist, a hand
holding the stock of a rifle. Violence solves no problems, but solutions aren't
always necessary - sometimes the threat is enough. But who cares for the soul
of the murderer? None but the gravediggers, who reap the benefit of his rampage
and the crows who listen for gunshots.
Without a sigh, and incapable of fear, the true man rises to meet them. The
forces of corruption who suffuse them are not but puppet masters plucking at
the strings of an electric guitar. A man is a man, an ape and a primate. But
a man is not just a man, for he also is infinite. Waves upon waves of
reciprocal dualities, simple and long but eternally binding. Who's to say what
lies beyond the time-knife? None but the dead, who hold that scythe at our
backs.
The will to power is the will to corruption. But a strong man resists
temptation and aligns himself with the aperture of his own design. What a
perilous temptation is goodness, to burn the books for warmth! How finite is
our world, that we give up for our life? The purpose of man is to grow, as an
egg would bloom into a flower. The seed is strong, and thick shells are hard to
crack - but space is an ocean, and we're but a bubble alight.
All boundaries are thresholds viewed from another direction. And all borders
have weak points. The molecular structure of a cultural collective is comprised
of cells, walls, mitochondria... I'm not a biologist. But each institution has
it's purpose, and the people who comprise them are like strands of protein or
microscopic bacteria - unified for a common purpose, and defined by their
internal culture. And when a single celled organism occupies half the country,
sharing space with another... There's a recipe for conflict.
The borders are interspersed, and each neighbor contributes to a differing side
- a side defined only vaguelly, and by their actions. Say one thing and it
helps one god, say another and it contributes to another. We live in the
tumultuous seas of radiating perspectives - each another view on the world,
each bearing it's own trauma. And all of them were born. What happens when they
start being made, as well?
Illusion magic in a modern era would take the form of a meme. See a picture,
read some bottom text, and suddenly you believe something a little bit more.
Who's to say what is true ethics when we barely can see ourselves? The eye
cannot percieve itself - to do so would be to gaze into the eyes of a mirrored
self - it's not the same. Just as the left writes memes, so too does the right.
At the end of the day, we're all on the same side. If aliens invaded, we'd
abandon our differences and rally against them. But we cannot abandon the wave
when there is no other force to orbit around - a three dimensional wave is an
eliptical orbit, and when normalized it becomes a unit circle. Or it would, if
it were a perfectly circular orbit... So what shall we orbit today, hmmmm?
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--- #93 fediverse/2225 ---
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On my bike ride today, I found myself drifting toward a playful slant.
Everything felt warm and comfortable, and the sun shining through the leaves
made me smile.
I met a lot of cool people, but I didn't meet any friends.
I passed by a guy being hassled, but I didn't stop to help - how could I?
Now that I'm back at my computer I'm pissed again.
Homeless, vagrant, and migrant people are minorities too.
From the faces I passed you'd never guess that a class of identity had just
been made criminal.
Or maybe I was on the wrong side of the river. I rode for five hours but never
did I cross, because I figured all the important parts of a city are near the
tallest buildings.
Now I'm going to play Magic the Gathering against myself for a while.
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--- #94 messages/529 ---
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I don't want power, I want *control*, over my own life at least, and at most
whatever I am suited to designing.
And in order to prevent control from becoming power, it must not only be
decentralized and distributed amongst all who are impacted by it, said control
must also be paired with a burden of responsibility.
There must be no malice in judgement, no fear in foresight, no hatred in
organizing. This is the responsibility of those who would hold unnatural power
over others - the kind that are bourne on the contracts and procedures of
institution.
If the powerful do not seek to relinquish it, then perhaps they do no deserve
it. And yet a nation of Cincinnatuses would surely fall to weakness, as the
strength that they covet is replaced by whoever they can get to fill the role.
Not ideal.
Instead, a human should *revel* in their strength. The will to power is the
will to passion, and passion is intrinsically human.
However, power corrupts, and all humans should seek to avoid corruption, or at
least to keep it at bay. To do so, a person must consider their impulses and
listen to the words of the unspoken for. Only then may they overcome the
perils of control without reason.
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--- #95 fediverse/4225 ---
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I'm not scared. I know that whatever happens, we're here for each other.
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--- #96 fediverse_boost/4418 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════─────────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ The MAGA cult is built upon a myriad of special interests that traditionally don't play well together. │║║││║║│ Find the fault lines. Poke at them relentlessly. │║║││║║│ Pass it on. │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #97 fediverse/2203 ---
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Some switch flipped, a breaker tripped, and a tenuous strand of fear was
suddenly severed within me, recently.
I suddenly no longer care about laws. I wasn't planning on breaking most of
them, because honestly mostly they're pretty reasonable goals. Like, don't
steal, don't hurt, don't be a big jerk.
However, stability in an unjust system is cruelty.
An unjust system has no legitimacy, as a system's purpose is to be just.
How do you feel about our system, and it's perspective on morality? How do you
feel about it recently?
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--- #98 fediverse/4058 ---
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@user-883
That's a good point! I didn't realize that. I figured there was an option for
LAN connections? If so, you can create a virtual LAN using Hamachi or
something. Does Hamachi still exist?
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--- #99 fediverse/1054 ---
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│ CW: scary-religion-nazis-violence │
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they vandalize synagogues and kick people when they're down because it's
practice for them.
they practice what they preach.
leftists don't really preach about killing nazis. we're too human for that.
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--- #100 fediverse/4048 ---
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The transcriber wants to be part of the discussion forum, and laments the
impossibility of that, because tainted data is useless to an experiment.
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--- #101 fediverse/3422 ---
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you interact with your gender identity.
your friends interact with your gender expression.
strangers interact with your gender presentation.
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--- #102 fediverse/6231 ---
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"listen to your body, try moving like this until it stretches, then hold it
for 30 seconds. Go a bit farther every week that you practice, and don't go
farther than this angle with this other part, even after months and months."
"I like to get in a rhythm for this part, helps keep my blood and bowels
flowing"
"ewwwww"
"yeah yeah well, everyone poops"
"... anyway check out this new color of towel, they just came in last week to
prepare for the swimming season"
"alright it's time for sex ed, so here's your temporary teacher for the next 3
weeks"
"okay we've got nutrition homework due next tuesday, and for the second hour
today it's... (spins wheel of arm exercises since they did core yesterday and
legs the day before) okay great that'll take up at least 15 minutes while we
pull out the mats. We can do self-paced moving-around-the-track for the rest
of the time."
"I put 10 points of extra credit at the top of the climbing wall, seats 9
through teen-seven can race today.
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--- #103 fediverse/4697 ---
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I want to pee in your pants and throw javelins at visions of bad guys while
climbing on boulders and gazing to the horizon
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--- #104 fediverse/1430 ---
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if you don't like me anymore, and then you hide yourself from me instead of
telling me, I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering if you're still
alive.
It's a curse you bestow upon me, and it's worse than saying goodbye.
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--- #105 messages/846 ---
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Blizzard should make more than one animation style for swinging your weapon -
as you level up, the style "tweens" between however many combat palettes you
made.
So, like, maybe they swing their sword +/-15 degrees each time to simulate the
pseudo random nature of combat.
Or maybe they start occasionally stepping into a maneuver
Which the player doesn't consciously control.
Instinct, if you will. The body reacting to its [sensory organs, but
pronounced "surveyor"]
Anyway i think by adjusting the monster characters in WoW should wander around
and gather within sight of a player. Seeking you out, waiting for a critical
threshold of their peers. Then, when you allowed or slowed down to examine a
bit of "this-or-here", (quests) they would gang up on you and ambush! Bwaha
just watch out for the mob
(kinda like that scene in the second book of The Book of Malazan series where
they're wandering through a desert storm and meeting all sorts of strange
sorts of people)
Anyway in seeking to improve the player's view-time, i decided it would feel
the most impactful to do the design related things related to things like
making the gameplay the most visceral.
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--- #106 fediverse/5022 ---
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my biggest blockers right now are that I don't know who else to speak to, and
I don't know how to make them feel safe when we do speak. Everyone's afraid of
eyes and ears that they have no knowledge of.
I am unafraid. Nothing that I have is worth relinquishing my right and
opportunity to defend it. I am just a person, and I will do all that I can.
... in minecraft, of course.
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--- #107 fediverse/1721 ---
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I'd like to apologize to everyone I've ever interacted with in the past. It
was unfair of me to interact with you, and I will do my best to not hurt you
again in that way.
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--- #108 notes/Of Vic and Vince Chapters 01-07.txt ---
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Who is This Stranger I Know Too Well?
Who are you, he who inspires me?
You're a jewel of perfect symmetry.
You taught me to love and be free;
You taught me how to be like thee.
Chapter One: Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire
The bus went up outta Florida, leaving Miami behind as a distant memory. I
still don't know if I miss it or if I'm suffering from some sadistic style of
subtle Stockholm Syndrome. Regardless, I switched buses a number of times
before I even hit the Georgia border, but having traveled this far down the
line, it all feels like one long, long ride.
For two days, I continued north until arriving in Virginia, where I
effectively did a u-turn and traveled onwards to Tennessee, where Vince
awaited me. I remember zoning out while looking out the window as the southern
scenery whipped by in a blur, as I was enamored with the thought that I now
would be living with my best friend and long-term handler. My mission was
complete, it felt; I had done all that God wanted me to do and now I was being
rewarded.
When we finally arrived in Johnson City, where my friend told me to meet him,
I hopped off the bus after thanking the driver, landing on the pavement of a
new world. My stomach was doing loop-de-loops. Along with being excited, I was
grateful to Vince for inviting me off the streets. But, my worrisome mind did
a number on me as the rest of the crowd dispersed and he was still nowhere in
sight.
I lit a cigarette and thought of my options. Half of the cancer stick and a
thousand tricky thoughts later, I came up with the idea to call the only phone
number of his I had. Seems like the obvious answer, but I am an air head at
times.
Turned out it was the number for his home phone. His mom answered.
"Hello?" came the sweet, Appalachian voice from the other end.
"Hi," I started out, not sure what to say. "Is this Allison?"
"Yes it is," Allison replied. "Is this by chance Victoria?"
I confirmed, then asked, "Is Vince there?"
She seemed surprised. "No, he left an hour ago to pick you up. He's not there
yet?"
I said no. I couldn't tell if that made me feel better or worse. On one hand,
it confirmed that my friend Vince was real, which in hindsight was a silly
thing to worry about, as I had met him once before at the first Shrug Life
Syndicate gathering. Those were good memories. But, perhaps less silly, the
absence of my friend spun my mind out and made me think that perhaps he had
gotten in an accident…or worse.
I worry a lot, less now than before, but it's part of being a traumatized,
autistic, schizoaffective basketcase. I simply don't know what reality is, so
every possibility could be true. Is an odd occurrence caused by the CIA,
aliens, or perhaps God? Or is it just a coincidence, caused by a billion other
factors? I never can tell.
Sick joke: God gave me a good brain, but I can't even trust my own judgement.
That means I think, then overthink, then overthink some more. As you'll no
doubt hear, it's led to a lot of problems in my life, but Vince taught me to
place my heart first, and that helps sort out much of the confusion. Satan
can't trick you if you're listening to the direct communion to the big woman
that we all have through that little beating organ in our chest.
That was the furthest thing in my mind at that moment, though. Following old
habits, I was entering panic mode. Was I now homeless again in a seventh city?
Was my friend dead? Or was he really with the CIA and manipulating me? I tried
doing some breathing exercises, but found that a more alluring technique to
placate my triggered brain was finishing the rest of my cigarette in a fervor
as I paced the length of the transit depot.
Time ticked away one agonizing grain of sand after another, but after some
mindful recalibration of my thoughts, I began relaxing. My brain might be a
runaway train at times, but over the years I've learned to embrace the Shrug
Life. That's a bit of philosophy our gaggle of weirdos adheres to. When life
gives you lemons, just roll your shoulders and accept what is. Even though
something tough and unpleasant might be rearing its head in front of me, I
knew I had faced worse and come out on top. Worst case scenario, the road
ahead of me was just a little bumpier than I had expected, and I could handle
some bumps.
So, I rode the roller-coaster of extreme moods that is common to me, gradually
coming up with a contingency plan to survive if Vince had gotten flattened by
a semi, until I learned that was a pointless exercise when I heard a familiar
voice call out from behind me.
"Hey, buddy!"
I turned at once upon hearing those words. And lo and behold, there Vince was,
walking towards me in a purple tie-dye t-shirt, paint-splattered cargo shorts,
and fresh Chuck Taylors. His beard was fully grown but still shorter than
mine, though it was as wild as his uncombed hair poking out from a hat that
was as graffitied as his pants. I'll admit, it was a little bit of a shock
seeing him like that, as I remember him being clean shaven at the gathering
five years prior. However, that smile of his couldn't lie; this was the Vince
I've loved for even longer. And I won't lie, he looked better with the beard.
Without a second thought, I rushed up to my best friend, throwing my arms
around him. He did the same, and our embrace felt like it lasted forever. It
was good to finally be in his arms. We let go after about a quarter century of
hugging, and when he looked at me with a twinkle in his eye, I did a little
giddy dance while giggling like a schoolgirl. Afterwards, we caught up while
walking towards his mom's car, which he had parked around the corner.
"Sorry I was late. I forgot where the bus station was, but I found and
followed one of the short ones here. Your ride go alright?" he asked.
I nodded, telling him I wore my mask the entire way up despite how itchy it
was. He thanked me.
"Thanks man, mom will really appreciate that. We're taking this covid thing
real seriously. With mom being seventy-seven now and me finally reaching my
forties, we aren't willing to take risks with these things."
With that said, I thought of asking about the locals. "How many people go
maskless around here?"
"A lot," Vince answered with a hint of misfortune, knowing that I had just
come from a vastly different world. I sighed. It would be an adjustment to get
used to the rural Roan Mountain after spending most of my life in major
cities.
There was a pause as I thought about such things. I'm awkward like that. But
then I asked, "How have you been doing?"
He shrugged, as he tended to do. "I've been alright. It's just me and mom on
the mountain now, so it's a little rough, but we've been handling it the best
we can."
I nodded in compassion. As much as I was grateful for a place to live, I was
glad I could be here for him. If there's anything on this Earth that I know,
it's being alone is hell on the soul.
The conversation turned to what we were going to get into now that we were
together after all the years talking back and forth with one another online. I
asked, "What's the game plan?"
He smirked as we reached Allison's new blue Ford Escape with the cosmic
Bigfoot sticker on the back. "I got one, don't you worry."
I believed him, as a warm feeling of butterflies fluttered across my belly.
However, an odd, ominous feeling swept over me as I opened the passenger door,
where I immediately spotted a large burn mark on the seat. Vince saw me see
it.
"Yea, I did that while I was smoking while robotripping. Mom was pissed. Don't
worry about it."
And so I didn't. It was just a cigarette burn. Could have happened to anyone.
I didn't even have to see it after I hopped in the car, ready and eager to get
to my first permanent home in over three years.
I looked over at my friend climbing behind the wheel, and I saw he was smiling
wide with glee. Vince was happy; that meant I was happy. And that's what
mattered as we started a new life together.
Following the Path
Where are we going?
What are we sowing?
I certainly hope it's a better world for all.
But, many more people must stand tall,
By dutifully growing
A wealth of loving.
That is the true nature of our mortal trial,
So let us stand together and not crawl.
Yet, we are all showing
Some signs of slowing.
Therefore, I must pray that we do not fall,
When the two of us hear our creator's call.
Chapter Two: On the Road
We were about five minutes out of Johnson City on our way east towards the
North Carolina border when Vince finally folded and told me his secret plan he
had been boasting about for a month now.
"We got this trashed camper down by the old house that we can strip away and
sell as scrap metal. That should give us enough money to fix Jane and then we
should be set at getting our own place."
I nodded along, agreeing with his reasoning. That jeep of his definitely was
in need of some desperate repair the last time we were together. That was
actually the first time I ever saw him in person; he was parked at the top of
his long driveway with headlights cutting through the darkness as we arrived
for the first and only Shrug Life Syndicate gathering I've managed to attend.
I remember that we arrived exactly at midnight, not a minute sooner or later,
which made the moment highly synchronous.
Memories that far away seem to all blur together so everything feels like it
happened in one day, but the first Shrug Life Syndicate gathering lasted four
days, if you include the trip down and back. My girlfriend at the time, Amy,
and I were picked up in New York at her mother's house by another one of the
founders of our little online community. His name was [Redacted] and he was a
Canadian that dabbled in the cognitive sciences. Like Vince, he had been a
huge influence on me, but sadly that friendship fell apart as [Redacted] grew
disenfranchised with the SLS, most in particular with Vince himself, as there
were some personal disputes about Vince's dating life and drug of choice,
which compounded the push back of Vince wanting to turn our community into an
educational nonprofit. I can't speak of the former as I was devoid of internet
when the big schism happened, but I was all for doing something more with the
talent we collectively share. I'm sure that is part of the reason Vince
invited me to stay with him; we recognized the potential of each other to
shape the world into a better place.
That's not what Vince said though. As we approached the edge of Elizabethton,
he looked over at me and spoke with the tender kindness of a man with a big
heart.
"I'm glad you came here, man. I just couldn't stand to let my best bud live
another night outside. You know I've been there too, so I just want you to
know that our home is your home from now on."
Feeling moved, I replied, "Thanks. I don't know what to say. I'm just
grateful."
He put his hand on my shoulder as a brother would. We then rode in silence for
a minute or two, which allowed me to reflect on my past behavior during the
first gathering. Not only had I clogged the toilet and told no one, but I had
a few emotional outbursts as I was a mess back then. That's one of the reasons
that I believe homelessness was one of the best things that ever happened to
me. It pushed me so far out of my comfort zone that I had no choice but to
change for the better.
That was great because I was impulsive and dangling precariously from the
heights of my oversized ego. I think that was a critical part of my
transformation. Sleeping in piss-stained, cockroach infested storefronts
humbled me, and I realized that everybody is just trying to swim in the
direction they feel is best. Thus, radical acceptance is a moral imperative.
Vince taught me that. I've profited immensely in ways other than financial
wealth by embracing such values, but I wish more people could see this truth.
Alas, tis the blind leading the blind.
With that in mind, as we continued onwards to our now-conjoined future, we
passed through the back roads of Elizabethton through a route known as Gap's
Creek, which proved to be a winding set of backroads with more churches than
seemed reasonable. One of these cultural staples had a big electronic
billboard out front, sharing the times of services and other announcements;
none of which you could actually read as you drove by at the speed limit.
Still, when we reached the intersection with highway 19E, there was a woman
flying a sign, asking for money. Since this town seemed devoid of any
institutions to help the poor, I rolled my window down and handed her a fiver.
I knew what it was like being up shit creek without a paddle, so I wanted to
alleviate some of that stress for somebody else.
I begged a lot at the beginning of my homeless journey. I didn't know how to
survive, as I had not been raised with many good life lessons to help me stay
afloat on my own. That in itself is part of the reason I had a major breakdown
in college. It was undeniably true that I was maladapted to the world. My
experiences with Earth Nation are also indisputably built from that
maladaptation. Yet, those years of homelessness after escaping that new age
cult allowed me to grow into a sustainable, productive woman with my juggling,
performance arts, and writing.
They say you can give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day, but if you teach
a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. That's part of the reason I was and
still am a huge proponent of education in all its forms. I knew Vince felt the
same way, but perhaps for different reasons. As a secular Buddhist and radical
antistyle artist, he was a minority in the deep interior of the Bible Belt,
and that came with a price while he was growing up. It might be a beautiful
area, but neither of us would ever raise a kid here.
It was then when it hit me. I couldn't be Victoria here. I had to be Vic.
Which was fine, that's how the gang members in Miami Beach referred to me. I
was able to accept being called by masculine names and pronouns. I had long
passed through the self-loathing phase of having dysphoria, to arrive in a
position where I openly grow my beard out to prove that I don't need to look
any particular way to be happy. I don't care what other people think of me,
but I haven't always been this enlightened. To put it lightly, I've been
through some trials. And, having done so, I can say that people who judge
other people on superficial things are the worst. But, we can rise above by
continuing to align with our hearts.
Less than a tenth of a mile down 19E, Vince asked me, "Hey man, can you buy
me, like, a forty or something?"
Of course I said yes. I knew his schizophrenia had put him out of work for
many years, so I wanted to soothe him as he was able to soothe my pain from
being homeless. He pulled into a gas station I would later learn is
colloquially called Captain Jack's. It had the cheapest gas this side of
Elizabethton, and was a reliable place to get beer or a pipe of any variety.
With compassion in my heart, I got Vince what he wanted, while getting myself
something as well. Still, when he cracked his beer open while accelerating to
sixty miles an hour, I couldn't help but feel distraught at such brazen
self-indulgence. But, all I did about it was pop open the hard iced tea I
picked up for myself. At least passengers are allowed to drink while they are
being driven somewhere in Tennessee, Vince tells me.
A Home at Last
They say home is where the heart is,
Which is great now that I have a new one.
The damaged needle of my crazy compass
Spins in every direction under the sun,
But, here it stands still, still as can be,
So my quest is over; I am finally free!
I have a home in the love you give
And by reflecting that in me, we live
In a state where conflict has come to pass;
It is like there was a great lottery and I won.
Chapter Three: The Mountain Side
About ten minutes later we reached the western half of Roan Mountain, where we
were greeted by a big sign praising the annual Rhododendron Festival at the
end of June. Having already downed half his forty, Vince spared no time in
showing me the highlights of his home town.
"Look under this bridge coming up. You'll see it underneath. The red and the
gold." He pointed directly at a graffiti tag on the concrete column near the
riverfront. There was an enigma of a symbol I've seen Vince post on the SLS
before.
"That your tag?" I asked the obvious question.
"Yup," he replied, gulping down another swallow of his forty, as there was no
incoming traffic. "Protip: don't post your tags on Facebook if you plan to hit
a cop car around here." I thought at first he meant literally running into
their vehicle, but then it dawned on me what he meant. I had never done any
real graffiti before; just some words and simple drawings in chalk that came
right off. Never got in trouble for it, at least.
I remember passing the post office some time shortly afterward. There was a
park with a stage behind it. Allison would organize the summer's music events
that went on each Saturday from May to August. Additionally, she would host
one of her weekly jam sessions there for local musicians to play together for
a few hours at a time, just for fun.
There were some houses on the left, too, as we were entering the more dense
center of Roan Mountain. Yet, Vince told me that the other side, where the
park was, used to be full of trailers, but they got washed away during a flood
some years ago. I later learned from Allison that most of the town, including
her as she was out and about, had to evacuate to the elementary school where
she provided extra clothes for those in need from her suitcase, but Vince and
his father were fine at the top of the mountain that their property sat on.
Puerto Nuevo, the best and only Mexican restaurant in town, whipped by soon
after. We then passed one of the two gas stations in Roan Mountain, a
Scotchman. There was a bank and a credit union on the left, too. An empty
grocery store zoomed by next, which might as well be haunted for all I know.
Next up on the left was a food truck that has since been upgraded to a small
building with picnic tables and some cover from the sun and weather. I think
it is a good place to eat. It also marked the spot of the Roan Mountain flea
market, where you could see one or two people at a time selling their stuff in
the warmer months. Then, immediately after that stood a pharmacy in an old
farmhouse.
There was some construction on the right, which by its future signage, I
erroneously thought was some sort of massage parlor that sat on stilts,
requiring everybody to walk up a story of steps just to get inside. Odd
choice, I thought. But, on a whim one day, Vince stopped there to see if they
sold cheap kratom, which was when I would learn that it was really a health
food store.
Not too far down the traffic-light free main strip of the town, we passed the
future beer store on the right. It was convenient for Sundays, because that's
when a local ordinance in our neighboring North Carolinian town, Elk Park,
restricts the sale of alcohol on the sabbath, but ultimately the alcohol taxes
in Tennessee are too high to make it a cheap endeavor.
To contrast the beer store, the local cemetery sat across the street on a
hill. I like graveyards, as I'm a bit of a goth at heart, but even so, the
packed parking lot of the Redimart grocery store was what caught the bulk of
my attention. I craned my neck to see some of the locals to uncover just what
passed as acceptable culture here in this quaint mountain town.
Further up, the infamous Bob's Dairyland with the slowest drive-through known
to man stood tall with its vast history. There's a reason it's always packed
after church lets out on Sundays. Yet, I still don't understand why their sign
promotes pinto beans, of all things. I've been told it's a hot ticket item in
the area, but I have still not witnessed anyone order them. But, moving on, I
have to mention that there was also an auto part shop conjoined with an auto
repair shop that had over a dozen cars just sitting outside it.
Next to Bob's was the second gas station, a Valero, which also housed a
much-frequented Subway. One of three thrift stores in town stood innocently
next to the gas station. On the right was a steakhouse that I have never had
the cash to justify splurging at, and a beauty salon in the same building that
I also have never visited because I'm not one to care for looking like a doll.
I am beautiful as I am.
The town was really shaping up to be a unique combination of the bare bones
mixed with an abundance of what you needed. Then we reached a stretch where
two signs sat. The one for Cloudland Highschool triggered Vince into speaking.
"Fucking assholes. I told you about how they illegally expelled me, right?" I
nodded in confirmation. He continued: "Yea, they literally stole my book of
poetry and took photocopies of it, so they could use it to kick me out,
because I was the 'weird' kid."
I knew that, but seeing the innocent sign next to the one for Smoky Mountain
Bakers made the story appear more real. Here they were, these conservative
administrators, probably constituting some of the people who attended the
dozens of churches in town, which should teach everybody to love thy neighbor,
but obviously they were too preoccupied by the need to hate my friend because,
back then, he was the blue-haired son of the "hippie couple" in town, who
happened to like bands like Marilyn Manson and Korn.
That made me wonder how well I would fit in here. I had long since forsaken
transitioning because I was effectively a sasquatch, but I was still a woman
on the inside. I was sure that being transgender, combined with my eccentric
nature and often extreme opinions on things would cement me as the new weirdo
in town. But, if I am to be honest, that would be the case in most settings I
could plant myself in.
Those thoughts fluttered in my head as we sped past the electrical co-op, a
second thrift store, Plumber's Pro Hardware, the Roan Mountain emergency
dispatch center, and what was apparently a flooring depot before reaching the
elementary school that sat across from the Dollar General, which Vince called
the "SmallMart." I'm aware there's some things I missed, as there's plenty of
buildings with no description or sign out front, but I'm sure they're
important to somebody.
We then started slowing down as we approached the only veterinarian's office
for quite a ways in any direction. We turned left just before the red-roofed
building which had a small cat statue perched on the edge looking out with its
paw up. Vince took this as a sign to begin downing the rest of his beverage.
"Welcome to home, Buck Mountain," Vince said as we started climbing in
altitude. "This is the bad side of town. You'll never see a cop here unless
something big is going down, which hasn't happened in years." He finished his
forty in one big chug as his hands ran on autopilot. "It's good because you
can do pretty much anything up here any time you want."
I knew all that, as we had a blast getting drunk and smoking some green for a
few days in a row during the first gathering. In truth, I anticipated I would
be doing that for the next few days as well, to settle in, y'know? Hell, I
half expected that I was in heaven now after spending so much time in the
purgatory that is homelessness, regardless of how much fun I had in Miami
Beach preceding Vince's invitation to come north.
We went to the very tippy top of Buck Mountain, where the foliage is dense, no
cell signal can reach, and the local kids ride their dirt bikes at all hours
of the day. As we pulled in the driveway, I expected to keep going straight on
the tire-carved path back down the mountain. But, to my surprise, I found that
the same trailer we had partied in down the road during the gathering was now
relocated here to become my new home. I wasn't expecting that, as when I was
here last, they all lived in a small shack at the base of their nineteen acres
of mountain real estate.
It didn't look like much, with weather-worn imitation wood paneling wrapping
the rectangular structure in a loose hug, but it was a place to rest my head
in the comfort of loved ones. Aptly, Allison's last name meant "the home" in a
language the CIA once tried to make me learn, which is a statement that I'm
sure earns me a few raised eyebrows. My story has many twists and turns, but
for now you should know my studies of strategic languages ended only when the
cult that hooked me like an unsuspecting bass managed to gaslight, manipulate,
and shame me to get me to work for them sixty-to-ninety hours a week on
average. I would later try to pick the linguistic challenge back up years
later during my time spent homeless, but my progress was like a Jenga tower
that half collapsed. I forgot basic words, and I just feel like I have
failed.
That's something that should be looked at in finer detail; my feelings of
failure, I mean. So, let's take the first of many breaks from linear
storytelling to express how life can feel at times for me. Like a shattered
mirror, I reflect many different parts of the past at different times. Some
days I may live in several sections of my turbulent past all at the same time.
Disorienting, it can feel like I don't know what's real. It takes a lot to
break something so thoroughly, but as you'll see, I've been a punching bag for
the devious spirit of fate. Couldn't keep me down, though, because I am like
the phoenix; always rising no matter how badly beaten in battle I've become.
Mommy
Mommy is what I used to call you,
When I was a kid so long ago.
It's because of your love that I grew
To always let my kindness show.
Mommy, you were always getting sick.
To help you out, I would try to keep clean.
As much as I'd scrub I never got the trick,
Because you'd still be plagued by the unseen.
Mommy, you were supposed to grow old!
Having you leave us like that hurt like hell.
I'm sorry for not always doing what I was told;
It's because I failed you that I try to do well.
Mommy was what you called out at the end.
I tried to help you but I wasn't good enough.
You were dying, so on me you had to depend,
But even being there for you was too tough.
Mommy, if I could do it all over again I would.
It's not fair to you that I was such a bad son.
I'll give you all my love and more as I should;
For you, I promise that one day I'll be the sun.
Chapter Four: Scarred from Birth
Having let you in to a little bit of what makes me tick, it should be noted
that feeling like an abysmal failure is a key part of my mental health. Those
loathsome seeds of self-mutilating ruination are planted deep in my psyche.
Prepare for a sad story, if you're the type to really feel another person's
soul.
See, it all started when my mom found out she had AIDS a mere two months after
I was born. It was God's way of welcoming me to the world. I forgive the big
woman now, for my path on this Earth has been the ultimate journey of
awakening to my divine spirit, but before Vince and many faceless actors sent
me on my mission of healing, I held much scorn in my heart. For a large chunk
of my early years that I was here, alive, learning, and suffering as a human
being, I was hell-bent on the idea of revenge. That was once a big part of my
story, too, but no more.
It's understandable, at least. Imagine having to witness all the manner of
disease ravaging my mother like it did; I grew up thinking that I was born to
be punished. My earliest delusions had me caught up in the notion that I was a
worthless god who had the rest of the pantheon turn on them from before I even
had a chance to prove myself. I had a whole mythos where I had been tricked to
kill my sister, the goddess of harmony, and my punishment was to stay locked
to this awful planet until I found her soul once again. Then, we'd go on to
take over the world, as I had fallen under the notion that my future self was
sending me subliminal messages through synchronicities, although I didn't know
that word then, so I thought I just had special powers.
This is all a natural result of magickal thinking gone awry. Such is the fate
for those scarred in childhood as I was. My innocence flayed alive, I watched
as the woman who loved me with all her heart died for the first nine years of
my life. It was a slow rot. There are many memories of her being in the
hospital or as she lingered in pain at home that flash to the front of my mind
that could paint you a tragic picture of those unforgettable scenes I was
forcibly cast in, but the real horror that plagues me came at the bitter end.
For the last of her months that she was allowed to live, my mom was
mercilessly struck by an opportunistic ear infection. It killed half of her
face, and only progressed into a hellishly rapid descent of her cognitive
functions until one sudden day I came home from school to find she had
regressed to a child-like state with my grandma tending to her in tears. I
tried losing myself in my homework, but the threat in my environment promising
my mother's pain was all-consuming. Then it got worse.
My father never got along with my grandma, so when he got home, he forcibly
kicked her out. A fight broke out, resulting in my grandmother coming to my
room to say goodbye, where she told me with eyes watering that whatever
happens, we would get through it. My dad would come in after my grandma left
and put her down, more concerned that she scratched him. All I could think
about was my mom, who was now tearing up and asking about where her mom went.
That was the worst. I can still hear clearly how she cried out for her mom
nonstop for the whole night. That was her last night she spent at home. She
died within a week. And my last memory of her that isn't of her in a coma is
of her trying to escape from the hospital with a dinner plate sized bed sore
on her backside that danced from behind an open hospital gown in order to
imprint itself in my mind forever.
Here come the tears. It still hits me that my fucking mom died, like I still
can't believe it's real. My last memories are of her being naked, crying like
a baby. I felt so helpless. But, at least she had nurses helping her when we
got her to the emergency room. Just hours earlier, I was left on my own trying
to calm her troubled, addled mind. My dad had been doing just that, as my mom
would get in fits every half hour or so, where he would comfort her, then come
into my room to vent after she quieted down. I had no one to open my fears and
pain to. Wishing I had a sibling to hold and cry together with, I faced my
most scarring memory alone.
The worst wounds of my life were suffered because there was one time after
midnight where my dad disappeared. Maybe he was smoking, but regardless, I
couldn't find where he went as I scrambled over the whole house in my fuzzy
purple pajamas looking for him. Meanwhile, my mother incessantly yelled for
her own mommy. So, with much hesitancy, I succumbed to the responsibility of
helping my afflicted parent, and I anxiously marched into her room and tried
to comfort her the best I knew how.
I'll save you from the daunting process of assisting my mom, but I will say
that it wasn't enough. No matter what I tried to do, she kept screaming
louder. I was worthless in that moment and was on the verge of a meltdown
because I couldn't help her. It felt like I was the worst son in the world,
all because I failed my mother as she circled the drain. Now I feel like the
worst daughter, but it's getting easier to love myself and think that my mom
is looking down and smiling, being proud of me.
I have a lot to live up to. She wasn't perfect, I know that, but my mom was an
angel for me. Yet, I can't even remember the good times I spent with her; all
that my hippocampus hung onto were the most traumatizing of memories. A
notable cause of this was her fierce Sicilian temper. A vision of being
brought to tears because I dared go looking for my six-year birthday presents
early is playing in my head at this moment. Now one is summoned of her ripping
into me for booing someone at an assembly because I wanted to be like a
character I saw in a cartoon. Finally, one of my earliest memories from
preschool is trapped in my cranium; it regards me accidentally tearing a hole
in a kid's shirt and dreading my mother finding out for the rest of the day.
In short, I got in trouble a lot, but I know that both my parents cared about
me growing up right. Along with all the punishments, there was a genuine
heartfelt desire to get me and my different brain to develop into a successful
combo of kindness and good citizenry. Still, because of how trauma inserts
itself into one's inner reality, I really feel like my entire childhood was
one screw up after another in regards to my mother. Although, my dad
contributed his fair share of ruthless discipline to make me perpetually feel
like I was always in the wrong as well.
And I know that's all a fallible perception, because I can distinctly remember
the look on both my parents' faces when I won first prize in our school's
science fair; if you're curious, I did an experiment on taste and smell to
understand what was going on with my mom and her ear infection. That standing,
my mom's face is cemented in memory in particular, perhaps too well, actually,
because she just had the stitches removed from her eye. Such happiness danced
in her left eye, but next to it sat its unmoving, dead counterpart. She tried
to joke about it being her evil eye, but that didn't stop fourth grade
Victoria from being terrified of the harsh reality unfolding in front of her.
I dreamed of her a lot after she passed. Always in pain, or worse, possessed
by some demon and seeking to bring me pain. There's one nightmare in
particular that stands out. I forget how it started, but it ended in the
cemetery where she is buried. Well, her coffin was exhumed, and as I got
closer, it slammed open and my mom sat up. Only it wasn't my mom. She was
rotten like a zombie and had malevolence bursting from behind her undead eyes.
I did the only thing I could; I ran. But, she followed and in the utmost
haunting voice, she yelled in pursuit, "You can't escape me, Victoria! I am
your mother and together we are bound forever." Fitting as a metaphor for how
my grief still hasn't dissipated more than twenty years down the line.
I'm sorry, I just miss her. Best damn mom in the world, going above and beyond
what she needed to do to give me the best chance at success in life, despite
being on her literal death bed for most of her last years. I don't even know
her, not really as an adult knows someone, which in itself leads to more
feelings of failure. She has been transmuted into an archetype of a hero in my
eyes, and I feel that I can never be as strong as that woman who was my first
love.
I can try though. I always try. Part of being hyper-vigilant, I reckon.
Perhaps that makes me strong. Perhaps it makes me a fool. Or maybe it just
means I'm human and going to have virtues as well as flaws. It's taken me a
long while to escape the black and white thinking that trapped me in a world
where I either felt like the epitome of the second coming or compounded as the
most useless, subhuman mutant on the planet. Those were truly hard times,
being locked in the halls of my mind like a prison.
But…the past is the past and we best not linger on it, because even now,
years later, I felt welcomed by a second family, and for that I am eternally
grateful. I vowed to return their love to them in spades, because that's what
my mom always tried to teach me. Being neurodivergent, I didn't always get the
message, but because I threw myself at the lessons life threw at me, I learned
to cherish those people who enter my life. You never know what you have until
you lose it. And I wasn't planning on losing Vince.
All You Need
Once you live on the street
You grow on the concrete.
Having done so myself
I can claim that wealth
Is just a fancy illusion.
You say that's a delusion,
But look how I'm happy
With only what you see.
I don't need a fancy bed
In order to rest my head;
Instead, I'm in the know
That less is the way to go.
Chapter Five: A Real Home
Allison greeted us at the door with a wide, warm smile, but she wasn't the
only one to do so. Vince's greying black lab, Freya, adorned in a pretty
lavender bandana, came up to smell this new person in her domain. She must
have recognized my scent from years ago because she didn't bark at all,
instead choosing to snaffle all over me while wagging her tail vigorously. Of
course, I started petting her immediately, as I began to take in my
surroundings.
I could only remember seeing the interior of the trailer in the pitch
blackness of the starry mountain night, but I remembered the general layout:
doors to the outside in the kitchen and living room, which were separated by a
long counter where the kitchen sink sat, and then bedrooms branching off from
each end, both of which had a bathroom accompanying them. Yet, I did not
recall that this space was as run-down as the exterior, with chunks of the
linoleum floor missing and rotting wood at the rear door, not to mention a
steady helping of cobwebs latching onto the ceiling fixtures.
Yet, despite the condition the trailer was in, it still had a touch of love
sprinkled throughout it. There were five paintings in the living room, one
done by Allison herself, as well as one around the corner near her loom that
took up half the kitchen space. More were in Allison's room to the right of
the entrance. On the opposite side of the house by the windows sat Allison's
battle station, where she would play solitaire and check Facebook and her
email religiously while sitting in an old navy blue wheelchair that used to be
for Vince's father. There was a couch and a couple tables full of stuff
stacked on them, to include a silver urn that sat on its own table with a vase
of local flowers. With the three of us, plus Freya and the trio of feral cats
that tamed themselves to come in and eat, respectively named Libertas, Biggie
Meows, and Spot, this little dwelling was a tight fit, but it was cozy in a
way that I had not known family life to be growing up.
In the process of greeting me, Allison asked, "What have you been up to while
you were down in Miami Beach?"
I didn't want to tell her everything, but I told her the truth. "I wrote a
lot, mainly in the park on Ocean Drive, or where I slept on Lincoln Road,
unless I was spending time in North Beach which had better food options for me
with my limited resources. Mostly, I just tried to survive each day, putting
distractions between me and the day-to-day struggles of being out there like
that."
She smiled. "Well, we're glad to have you. Vince talks about you a lot." I
blushed a little bit at that, but I'm sure neither of them saw my rosy cheeks
through the gnarled barb that constituted my ever-growing beard.
Allison then moved on to practical matters. "So, where do you want to sleep?
We have the couch, which would be where I would set up shop, but you can
always sleep in Vince's room if you prefer."
I looked at the couch. It seemed comfy enough, but I didn't care about
comfort. As much as I knew Vince was doing me a solid by letting me stay here,
I knew I was going to help him too. His posts on the SLS combined with his
frequent messages to me were made out of desperation; he was clearly strung
out and looking for any human contact whatsoever.
Since his schizophrenia started interfering with his life, he had spent six
years at the top of this mountain and he said he was going stir crazy. I would
learn that there's little to do here but drink, do some drugs, and fiddle
about on your computer and phone while dealing with the internet that is made
out of sticks and stones, and that could get boring fast. Devoted to this new
cause, I wasn't going to let my best friend suffer anymore. I was going to
make his life better by livening up the long days by being his constant
companion.
As a result, I told Allison that I would find a spot in Vince's room to rest
my head. She asked me if I was sure, and I nodded affirmingly with an eager
grin. I had made up my mind.
Some more hem-hawing back and forth with Allison about general questions and
concerns followed, but when we were finished, Vince took me to his room, which
was beyond the rolling metal desk Allison used for her computer. A busted door
clung to its hinges, but it didn't block our way.
Calling Vince's room a mess would be an insult to messes everywhere. He had
said that he would clean it up prior to my arrival, but there were likely two
hundred beer cans stacked in mountains next to his bed, or in beer-amids as he
called them. I looked around, honestly impressed at how dedicated to creating
a disaster zone as he was.
Looking over the permanent staples of the room, he had a television and an
Xbox, an empty dresser, a filthy nightstand, and a bed without any sheets. He
also had a handful of paintings, most of which were stacked together by the
door, but there was a trippy painting of Vince's father on the west wall above
the dresser, as well as an expressionist painting from the sixties behind the
television which sat on the north wall, in between the bathroom and the
closet. There was also a picture of a moth on a skull tacked to the wall,
which gave me the heebie jeebies.
It was then that I saw it. A large, two-hundred fifty tablet bottle of generic
Dollar General antihistamines, pure diphenhydramine, sat on his dresser, just
spiting me with its presence. I almost asked right then and there for Vince to
get rid of the damn thing. I knew if I found an opportunity to down, say,
six-hundred milligrams of that accursed stuff, I would. Then I would do
terrible, awful, deplorable things to myself. But shame won out. I didn't want
to let him know of my problem. Maybe I could control myself. So I shut up and
about-faced out of the room.
While doing box breathing, I dropped my backpack that contained all of my
possessions on the couch in the living room, and helped Vince grab some
fifty-five gallon black trash bags in the kitchen. We made quick work of the
unending hoard of Natty Daddy cans, as well as the nightstand full of
cigarette butts. We then moved his bed so it was against the south wall.
It hadn't taken long, but the room was looking presentable. It didn't need to
be a five-star hotel, because I had the most important thing of all: family. I
felt more than welcomed as a guest. I was one with these people who had so
graciously let me into their home. We were going to all be happy together.
That was the goal, at least.
I Forgive You
I forgive you, but I can never forget.
I'm sorry if I make you look like shit,
But your heavy hand and sharp wit
Damaged me greatly; then you gaslit
Me, denying everything, and I quit
Knowing what was real. I even slit
My flesh open so that I could get
A sense of what I could feel. So, I sit
Here now explaining why I wasn't fit
To handle this world that I saw as a pit
That I escaped only when God had lit
A beacon of light with some magick.
Chapter Six: Growing Up With Family
There was still one task we had to get done before I could claim a spot to be
my bedspace. Vince had more clothes than he knew what to do with, most of
which had spray paint spackled all over them in no particular form or pattern;
the style of the antistyle artist. As we moved the rolling hills of clothing
into the dresser and a heaping pile beside it, I came to understand why Vince
called himself a diva.
I remember having a lot of clothes just a few years prior. Even though I
didn't care what I wore, I had earned so many free T-shirts over the years
from track meets and other races. I had so much when I needed so little.
That's one major reason I forgive my dad for kicking me out of his house,
because it was the best thing for me. Not only that, but I deserved it. I was
a wreck of a human being before I got abruptly humbled by my odyssey on the
streets. The extended experience changed me so I am no longer as much of an
emotionally volatile basketcase.
To put it mildly, being an unstable problem of a person was the reason I was
kicked out in the first place. I had always been sort of bipolar since middle
school. But, after escaping the cult, breaking up with my girlfriend, Amy, and
returning home a failure, my heart and mind were like a pile of fragmented
ceramic shards mockingly showing what a real piece of pottery my mind could
have been. Unshockingly, I was barely holding it together. I was having
outbursts frequently, but they weren't ungodly terrible, as I was being guided
by higher dimensional life forms through inputs on my laptop, and that gave me
a sense of ease.
In fact, I remember a great reprieve of my stress occurred on an acid trip in
the first month I was back. It felt like God Herself was setting up a lesson
for me, which started with me literally waking up to a picture of a white
rabbit taunting me on my Facebook feed, which I followed, and in doing so, I
received personalized inputs that unveiled the blinders from in front of my
eyes. In but a few hours after a lifetime of denial, it all clicked with me
that I had a warm, nurturing side that I had neglected for most of my life.
That was the first time I accepted that I was a woman. And that's still not
the most profound, life-altering acid trip I've had.
Even so, I would break down crying that afternoon as I meditated under the
tree in the backyard where I used to swing. With no more effort than it took
to breathe, I saw all the parts of me that Amy tried to teach me about, but I
was unable to comprehend in my denial. Likewise, the waterworks were called
upon that night as I told my dad about my revelation, and he said he would
always love me no matter what. That was the most affectionate heart to heart
with him I think I've ever had, even if he did ramble about random things
being at a loss of what to say to me, as we had functionally lived in two
separate worlds inside the same house for years.
This sentiment would flip on its head though, as I blogged about my gender
revelations and my dad found them and read I had taken a narcotic in his
house. Naturally, he was pissed and wouldn't hear that the tender moment we
shared that night was only possible because I had taken the sacrament. This
would prove to be the kicking off point to some logarithmic growth in tensions
between the two of us.
Then, on that fateful day, one of the countless pets my dad kept, a black,
stubborn minipig named Harley, had made a literal pigsty of the house after I
had a bad session at my therapist's, who made me feel like a piece of shit. I
wasn't perfect, but I wasn't going to just lay down and get called a terrible
person because of how I behaved in treatment years ago, when I was still very
lost. It triggered my feelings of failure, which rippled into waves of
unstable emotional dysregulation. In my explosive rage, I broke the microwave
and put a basketball-sized hole in the wall behind my makeshift bed in the
attic that I was allotted after they gave my brother my room when I was in the
cult.
Well, my father came home after a long day at work, saw the microwave, and had
enough of me. He came thumping up the stairs, livid, ready to rip me to shreds
verbally, when he saw the hole I had made. Beside himself, he demanded I get
out right then and there. I broke down crying and begged him to let me stay,
grappling with his leg as a wounded bear might wrap itself around the base of
a small tree looking for any shelter it can find in a storm.
That just made him madder. He kicked me off, and accused me of a thousand
things. The ones that stuck were that I was just like my mother and that I was
beyond anyone's help. As it happened in a heated flash, I don't remember
exactly how the exchange was put together, but it ended with me asking him how
all the hand-crafted trinkets and doodads my mother made for me before she
died had gotten destroyed and thrown away. What he said next drove me mad.
"I'm still pissed that you made me do that."
I'll illuminate you with the scenario in question. I was eleven, and my
stepmom at the time was away at a darts tournament. I think my dad somehow got
the idea that she was doing drugs and cheating on him. I don't know, I was
eleven. I just remember some of the things he said over the phone, and then
what was said when they divorced when I was a couple of years later.
Over my stepmom's absence, he got continuously more pissy, like he did the
year before when the sewage line broke and he snapped while cleaning it up,
smashing my head into the kitchen floor several times, relenting only when
his girlfriend at the time called to hang out. Now seeing the same pattern in
my father, I was on edge, especially after I put my feet up on the new couch
and he grabbed my leg and punched me in the tibia as hard as he could. I kept
trying to do everything right to avoid being attacked again, but alas, in my
anxious worry, I forgot to take out the kitchen garbage on trash night.
That triggered a whole day of what might not be considered torture, but
certainly was child abuse, which started as he cleared the shelves of all my
memories in a violent, thrashing rage. He would bag up the shattered remains
so he could take them to the dump, but only after he laid his hands on me.
My head was used as a battering ram against my door, which my dad would later
deny was where the big dents came from in a bout of the worst gaslighting I
experienced before the cult got their hands on me. Regardless, when he
finished and slammed me back on the wood floor, I instinctively reached out
and grabbed his wrist. He growled, "Don't resist or I'll make it worse."
Feeling my spirit collapse, I helplessly accepted the next phase of punishment
that then ensued. Mostly, it consisted of him using my head to pound the
knowledge that I fucked up into my brain, with much hair pulling and getting
tossed to new locations, once being told to lay there like a dog in the wet
remnants of a broken snow globe while he went for a smoke break. Thankfully,
or maybe not, depending on your perspective, he never struck me. He was too
smart to leave bruises.
After much of that series of traumatizing instances, he had me sit still and
think of an apology for him for hours on end. While I was busy doing that, he
would then have an epiphany, telling me that I should stand, as I didn't
deserve to sit. I didn't care about such details at the time. I was in shock,
petrified that he would go ahead and find the homework I failed to finish or
the porn I had taken from my stepmom. Fearing unimaginable doom, I stared
unwaveringly at the letter "E" on the spine of a book on my bookshelf. Never
relenting in his anger, he would come by every hour or so and ask for an
apology. Everything I said wasn't good enough, and each attempt earned me
scathing criticism, but I kept trying to perfect my apology. I still remember
the gist of it.
"I sorry dad, I deserve everything. I'm sorry I caused you grief and failed to
do my duty of taking out the trash. I won't ever forget again. I haven't been
putting my best effort forward, but I realize that I need to do that to be a
good son. You do so much for me. It's only fair that I pay it back to the best
of my ability. That's what I had to do for mom when I chose to play video
games while she was dying. I wasn't thinking about other people then, and I
wasn't now. I'm so, so sorry. I promise to be better, because I need to be if
I'm messing up this much."
For reference, my dad holding the fact I escaped into the worlds of my video
games after being told to spend time with my mom near the end was something
he'd bring up and hold over my head anytime I was in trouble. Yet another big
reason that feeling like a failure is cemented in my head. It made me feel
awful, absolutely atrocious about being a bad son that I would often
contemplate suicide. I almost jumped off a waterside when my dad and I went to
Disney World when I was ten, but ultimately I'm glad I talked my way out of
jamming a knife into the back of my neck. I had thought that the muscle
allowing me to nod my head was really my brainstem. That would have been
painful.
Back on this day of doom, I was too numb to think of killing myself. I was
simply a raft on a river floating downstream where the current may carry me. I
simply stood there for hours, too terrified to even stretch my tiring legs. My
mind was fuzzy, and all it could do was focus on making that apology better.
After many attempts and razor sharp lectures later, which was maybe ten hours
worth of events, he starts yelling at me that I'm just as irresponsible as my
mom, just like he would do when he kicked me out. This time was unimaginably
worse though. This was actually how I first found out that my mom had AIDS; I
was told it was cancer up until this point. His shaved bald head was as red as
a cherry tomato while he barked at me, telling me that I would die like her.
That hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt like the definition of a shit stain, in a
number of different ways.
But soon, my attention became focused on my vision. I couldn't see straight,
and not long after my dad's roaring visage disappeared in a sea of amorphic
grey figments, I apparently passed out, to wake up on the couch with a bag of
frozen peas on my head and my dad worried. He asked me if I remembered what
happened. I shook my head. I was allowed to go to bed after that. It wasn't
over because I failed to kiss my dad good night, but at least that only
resulted in him jamming the teeth of the comb into my scalp as he combed my
hair for some reason.
The next morning he was completely changed. He was remorseful upon seeing me
and wrapped me in a big hug. Yet, he seemed scared, like he realized he went
too far. I thought about telling my teacher or counselor about it the next day
of school, but something in me told me not to. It's the same thing that's
making me hesitant to write this chapter at all. It's love, but this hell I
went through is also a part of my story. This is the worst incident I've
experienced with my father, but it's not the only one.
It's all cause and effect really. You abuse a traumatized child in the wake of
their mother's death, and is it any wonder that they fall apart later in life?
I'll go on record saying I was never a bad person, just broken, impulsive, and
hopelessly conformed to the whims of my faulty biology. I had bugs in my
operating system, but I'm eternally grateful for all the help I had while on
my spiritual awakening, which you might call a psychotic break that spanned
years, but I knew it better as specialized CIA training.
The Good Magician
Just what do you consider magick?
Is it not that which bends the fabric
Of what we colloquially call reality?
Who cares what it is your eyes see
When in your heart you can feel
The warmth of love; that's the real
Power of a magician who is great
Enough to save you from your fate.
Chapter Seven: Magickal Companions
Back in Vince's room, I was silently wondering what shenanigans were in store
for us now that we were a unified team. I knew Vince had many secrets of the
universe locked away in his balding cranium, and we would have a blast letting
the CIA manifest a joint mission we took on together. As I said, he was my
handler, after all.
So, when the room was cleared, and I had a space all to myself in the corner
by the closet, I was more than happy. Both Vince and Allison insisted on
getting me a bedroll, but I had all I needed and more right there in my
friend. Besides, his room was carpeted and quite comfy already, at least to my
standards that had been shaped by becoming accustomed and content with
concrete underneath me. I didn't need anything fancy like that.
That didn't mean I wasn't going to try and liven the place up a little bit. As
soon as we determined we were finished picking up, I opened my backpack and
took out my most prized possession, a pink penguin plushie named Peppermint,
and placed her behind my pillow so I could see her everyday. She always
watched out for me while we lived in cities across the country. She made a
comfy pillow, and allieved a lot of stress, making me feel like I had a close
friend with me every step of the way.
How I got Peppermint is a bit of a story, but I'll keep it as short as it
needs to be. See, if I were to explain to you the medically accepted reason
for my type of schizoaffective disorder, my brain is wired to pick out
strange coincidences and give meaning to them. Synchronicities they're called.
They feel like glitches in the matrix that spark the feeling of being in
constant communication with some higher power. Because of how real they are, I
can't accept the medical explanation. I've experienced things that are too
weird, too perfect and clearly orchestrated, that there has to be some sort of
conspiracy.
As a result, I've lived most of my adult life being guided by what the
rational part of my mind has to assume is the CIA acting as the hand of God
leading me on a cosmic mission by sending me burning bushes to make sense of.
I know some of that has been pure random white noise my defected brain picked
up, but I have to give credit where credit is due: Vince did a superb job
intentionally using the quirks of my brain to program me, much as the cult did
to me four years prior, but with a much gentler hand and benevolent intention.
I know what all that sounds like, but hear me out. There are too many peculiar
instances of chance for you to listen to everything I have to say and not
believe me, at least just a little bit; enough to make you wonder, I hope.
Let's take the case of finding Peppermint as an example. This story starts
when Vince convinced me to go to a specific thrift store, while I was
initially homeless in my hometown of Syracuse. I eagerly did so, lost in a
slew of synchronicities that convinced me that this was my latest mission.
Well, it turned out that such a store didn't exist but it was where I got a
ten dollar donation from a man who saw me pick up trash, as was part of my
spiritual work while homeless. We talked and the man sent me to another store,
saying that I should use my extra cash to buy what I needed most. After
following his directions up Genesee Street, I got a message from Vince telling
me to look for something out of place; that I was unique and should have
unique things.
I thought I might find some rad tie-dye outfit or something of that ilk, but
while aimlessly searching the aisles of women's clothing, I found a stuffed
dog. It looked lonely, so I picked it up and brought it to the back of the
store, where it looked like the other toys were. I gasped as I pushed through
the row of belts that stood in my way. Clearly, someone had built a little
shrine of stuffed animals around Peppermint!
I knew then that was why I was sent there. Penguins have a special place in my
heart. My mom used to make them out of clay, and an old friend has a healthy
fascination with creating a penguin-themed show for kiddos. It was just too
perfect. Peppermint and I were meant to be, just as Vince and I were. Sitting
down in my bedspace, I looked up at the spook who was my best friend as he
cracked open another Natty Daddy. He poured it into an old Subway cup that he
mixed his kratom with, and looked over at me.
His face lit up upon seeing Peppermint. "Awww, you still have your penguin!
That's so cute."
I'm glad he thought so. I've had plenty of people think I was weird because I
carried it around, which kinda was what I wanted to achieve when I was still
homeless in Syracuse. I felt the CIA wanted me to become famous, for reasons
that will become apparent as I tell you my story, so I was doing as many
insane things as I could so I would be cemented in the memory of the people of
my hometown.
This meant I carried around Peppermint either under my arm or in a cute purse
I eventually got at a different thrift store up at the university. People
notice when you're out wandering the streets with a stuffed animal everyday.
And they especially notice when you talk nonstop to it at all hours of the
day. I'll say this: if you have a fear of speaking in public, then acting like
a crazy person talking to yourself for a few months will set you straight.
Exposure therapy, for the win.
I did a lot of other stunts too, all of which were instructed by the CIA, like
when gang stalkers told me I should lose my shit and yell like mad every time
I was in frame of a news camera, of which there's a regular frequency of
around downtown Syracuse. I did so once in front of a hospital where I would
later find out that they were covering the aftermath of a deadly fire, and for
the next week the news outlet would send someone to the exact same spot on my
route. I sensed shenanigans, so I opted to walk around the camera while the
reporter stood there uneasily because I suspect that she was tasked to find
out if I was really crazy. But, you can tell I am just by that last sentence.
Then there's my performance art I did on Marshall Street. This started as a
juggling act, but soon evolved into asking random people strange questions.
This accelerated fairly rapidly. Letting you know from experience, don't start
going up to strangers and ask them what their opinion of ethical incest is
unless you want the cops called on you. Talked my way out of that, but I would
get banned from the campus of Syracuse University for three years after I
followed the instructions I was receiving from the CIA to a tee, which
resulted in me having a very heated argument with an invisible entity in the
SU library. As you can guess, people tended to avoid me, but that was alright.
I had Peppermint with me and Vince was only a message away.
Now he was mere feet from me. I rejoiced at the fortune I was granted. We were
going to be great together; the first afternoon together seemed to naturally
flow from one joyous moment to the next. I looked at Peppermint. She was
smiling, and so was I. I then looked up at Vince. His smile made me feel warm
and fuzzy inside. But, why, you might be asking? Where do these feelings I
harbored for Vince come from? It's a long story, but by the time I'm done,
you'll know how important Vince is to me and how big of an impact he had on my
life.
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--- #109 fediverse/6328 ---
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part of the responsibility of being part of a tribe is to relinquish control
to others. your fates must be intertwined, and if this is to be the case, you
must be guided.
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--- #110 fediverse/1520 ---
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the slower you think about things, the more time you have to write to
long-term memory. School optimizes this out of us.
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--- #111 fediverse/422 ---
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"I am in control of my actions and therefore can be judged for them"
oh yeah prove it nerd
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--- #112 fediverse/2417 ---
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@user-1265
I can't reassure you about the "place", but the "times" are getting better. We
stand now at the apex of their cruelty, and all it takes to reach the bright
future is to keep moving forward.
unfortunately, the future always comes, but it comes unevenly and not fully
distributed. but it will come to all, this I swear.
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--- #113 fediverse/2430 ---
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│ CW: re: politics-nazi-flag-depicted │
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@user-1074
and yes, I know it's shit, but... it's my style to be shit, hehe
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--- #114 fediverse/6314 ---
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│ CW: re: scary-biomedical-cannabis-mentioned │
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girl, estrogen. It's right there. Get a pink tooth every 6 months and never
worry about injections again.
"don't promise things if you can't promise to fulfill them"
man I'm not promising anything, it's literally just a random thought idea.
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--- #115 fediverse/2458 ---
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no, I'm not gonna start shit.
no, I don't know jack shit.
no, I won't tell you names because I don't know any.
perks of being an individual. what do you gain from following me? just talk to
me on the street.
I am not the fist, I am the spirit.
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--- #116 fediverse/2287 ---
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│ CW: uspol │
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On one hand, it's good to be sharp. On the other, if you keep them on their
toes their ankles will grow weak.
The more entrenched someone is, the harder it is for them to spring up and
leap - toward a new us-inflicted-disaster, something difficult for them to
foresee.
Consistency is important - even if nothing's going on. I mean, what else are
you going to do, look at memes? I'd rather be out in the shade.
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--- #117 fediverse/4170 ---
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... wait was I on 61 or 51, nuts
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--- #118 notes/kesser-and-musurami ---
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the conspiracy of "secret societies" controlling the world is *bullshit*,
because every secret society falls apart at a certain threshold.
you cannot ever have trust amongst the powerful. But so too can you never have
only war.
Now, with our capitalist economic system, the material is *forcing* the hand
of the powerful through the development of the military industrial complex.
if a country can produce enough weapons for them to continuously use, why
would they not?
hence, why capitalism must be extinguished. To preserve the peace, sanctity,
and honor of our world.
But just so as any conflicting system has power, so must *our* systems have
power dismantled. There can be no application of power unto another - this is
the most peaceful route.
sometimes, I look at a blackberry bush, and I think of the tales of British
empire.
The very first act of colonization was their birth. The Britons, from
north-western France, in a sovereign realm known as Brittany, invaded Britain.
Together with their Norman allies, they fought with the Anglo-Saxons from
north-eastern germany, who had lived there since many MANY years prior. Thus
marked the end of the "viking" age, and the beginning of the early medieval.
1066. The end of one millenia, the beginning of another.
the final battle in this ultimate contest was the Battle of Stamford Bridge.
Britain, at the time, was a nation of *thorns*. Covered in them. Everywhere
they went, there were these sharp, pointy plants that made foraging difficult.
Kinda like how Oregon looks now, with blackberry bushes, but SO MUCH WORSE.
They were massive too, easily the size of castles in some places. A massive,
constantly biologically developing fractal.
when it was too tall to see the sky, they called it Yggdrasil.
But this massive world tree sought to consume the earth, and it, as the most
powerful being to ever exist, commanded all.
Thus, the humans and the beasts were compelled to fight for all eternity to
sate the old god's bloodlust.
But then, Man came, and with our strength, our wisdom, and our power, we slew
the beast that demanded.
However, with their steel coats and their sharp talons, our metal monsters
could do nothing to deter it's oaths. It swore, by it's dying roar, that it
would consume us all, and that thought reverberated through our hopes.
Hence, our systems of control and dominance, the product of compulsively
compelled greed.
and now, the final members of a generation are aging out of existence. And
we're doing nothing but what Power tell us to.
I fear what happened in America. I fear the power of their gunpowder. They
rode astride beasts of nightmare, clad in impossible devil hides. They came in
the night, with their spotlight torches. They came with no honor, no sought
communal understandings, they came for blood. The blood god compelled them to.
From it's ancient lair in the past, it did it's worse to defeat man. But man
was smarter, it acted quicker, and so it managed to overcome.
In the final years of the war, there was judgement day. Chaos, destruction,
and warfare. There are some alive who remember that day, but vanishingly few
can recall how it was over. One day it just... was. It was then that we
entered our new era.
1956, the end of the war.
1946, the end of the loud war.
1916, the end of the great war.
1886, the end of the civil war.
etc...
until...
1066, the end of the Norman Invasion. When the Normands, from Northern France,
invaded alongside the British and slew the great evil king that demanded our
constant warfare and sins. Hooray, thank goodness! Now their war was over.
But lo, for the great evil king cast stories into our minds, from the past as
compelled through our motions. Our experience has been one of survival, of
constantly working and applying ourselves to the goal ahead.
== so == talk about thistles and thorns
imagine every body of a person was laid one-to-one. Imagine if you could view
them as a graph, from x=0 to... however-many-people-are-in-the-measured-area.
The goal of all our actions should be to *grow*, not forward, not stronger,
but *up*. To be more than what came before, to transcend our necessarily
violent special upbringing in the garden of even's most savage delights. Raw,
true, the survival of the fittest is a desperate game for you. There surely is
a massive amount of trauma.
But it's okay, because now we don't have to fight. We can improve in ways that
do not belong to our crude biology, like a new direction forward in our song.
*aliens would just look like animals, duhhhh. Hence, furries, the progenitors
of each new planet of ours.*
... no, I haven't lost the plot, I'm just *writing*.
There's this idea that humans should be the... rational ones? and everyone
else should sorta follow their own, self-chosen behavior. As informed by the
sharing of knowledge equally between their rational self, that which they
learned from the humans, and their animal self. The kind that came from their
spirit. Like, totemic tribes of the past, people who followed a particular
cultural pattern of behavior.
Imagine, if you will, an AI bot that's only training data is the stuff that it
says to it's listener. The listener, of course, has context of all of the
speakers, but only they do, not the friendly ghost of the ancestral native
animal spirit. The kind that lives *anywhere* in the world, so long as they
share their space with their human.
okay quick question - what if jesus didn't want his followers to be christian
like, what if he one day said "hey so I don't really think we need to do all
that stuff that I said before, how about we, uh, try this other thing instead?
yeah? cool? okay sure let's do it"
... like, do you think they would listen? I certainly don't, though I'm only
like, 30 years old, so...
wait thirty YEARS? wow I never thought I'd grow old
... uh, yeah... I spent a lot of time thinking and it just started making
sense.
funny how that works. But alas, I always spend *too* much time thinking, so
that's my blessing and my curse.
anyway back to the story:
the briars in this ancient land of britain were dense beyond all belief - the
humans used their power and their ingenuity to craft a power that would
overcome it.
== so ==
did you know that hard drives function similarly to a record needle if you
didn't run it in a circle, but rather in whatever pattern the data was encoded
in?
like, a laser beam, cast in an infinitely complicated mechanicommunication.
Computers are vast and complex, but they function via the storage and
transmission of data. This data is raw, pure information - stored in a
completely uncompromisingly accurate and reliable foundation. The logic of
pure numbers, arranged in infinitely complex rows and rows of logic gates. A
vast, purple, spectral landscape, the land of magic and storms.
The Nether.
Twisting, in the dark, with flashes of light casting light into the cosmos at
large, our stars dance in the shade of the dark.
but there is no difference between the dark and the light, both are equally
viable. they are present in both, to some degree, the positive and negative
values of our heart.
I watched Deadpool vs Wolverine earlier this week. It was incredibly eventful.
I can't believe I watched it. It was impossibly violent. WHY WOULD A GROUP OF
EXECUTIVES WANT TO WORK WITH PEOPLE WHO WOULD UNIONIZE AGAINST THEM???
oh yeah because then they only have to deal with their representatives, the
unions get things *done*. They're the *best*. Capital doesn't always *want*
the best, but *the best* is always more endurable. We can go much farther if
we are kind to one another.
honestly, capitalists, if your loyalty isn't to your self, your family, your
country, your society... then why are you even working with us? You hold the
power we give you. We are united in our human purpose, but we don't have to
fight so much.
Seriously, you'd be an asset to our cause, but we don't *need* you as we have
so many assets of our own. Specifically, the power of the workforce. Those who
actually get things done.
Why would we let you control us? There's no reason in it. We are better when
you're amongst us.
== so ==
I am convinced that there's
== so ==
I'd rather take a pilgrimage to Nicaragua, or Siberia, or the North Western
Pacific (farther than that) the... Eastern Pacific (on the land...) America
... and then what? *south* America? ... yeah actually, then NORTH AMERICA
AGAIN. Because the world is round. How cool is that?
... yeah, totally. Anyway (back to the conversation [they/we] were having
without me)
== == ==
"*guys I'm cool why would you not invite me to your team*"
I dunno. Don't know y'a. who're you again?
... I'm the one who writes poetry.
oh yeah! cool cool, yeah I knew a witch one time, she was really cool. Her
name was Witz Drovalski. She told me all kinds of cool things about magic and
alchemy, but then she exploded in a fire that I started. Accidentally,
allegedly.
*the reason lead is so poisonous is because it is the anti-magico-elemental
component. It kills the spirit in us with it's malevolent ways.* that kind of
witch.
the *cool* kind, with fangs and hooked toes.
Peril be to their foes, for they are quite excellent at conjuring horrors for
their imagination. mwahahahahahahahahaha
oh wait that's self directed, isn't it?
hm. Well, terrors not that bad, it could be *lust*
... oh it's also lust. great.
== so ==
jeez if you keep making stuff up you'll wake them all up! who would have
thought, none but the strategist, I foresee. Well, that's too bad for her,
good-day.
== so ==
... anyway... I'm just picturing a knight in shining armor from head to foot
cutting his way through a massive deadly rose-bush. Something that conquered
and killed all of it's prey.
like, in Elentalus, that game I made, with the King of Branches. Here, I'll
attach a picture:
== so ==
capitalism wants you to sell your work because then you limit your audience.
if you have to *pay* to see you, then how could you expect everyone to come
along?
== so ==
that new Freddy DeBoer article doesn't seem like him. He's never mean. He's
not rude. He is exasperated, but he speaks true. I trust him to be him, and
that's someone I want on my side. I think he's pretty good at saying something
that I believe. I speak of a lot of things, but the things that he says, of
which with him I do find that I agree.
maybe he was assassinated lol you never really can tell with the internet,
that's the great thing about it l m a o
== so ==
witches wear pony tails on the low side of their heads because that way it
doesn't rub up against their hair.
== so ==
any year and it'll accurately display the territorial boundaries of each
nation so you can see them develop and grow over time.
== so ==
all that is sufficient to be a good person is to choose the best option
whenever you can.
*that's it*
we act with the decisions we are given. Hence why it's important to be as you
believe.
== so ==
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@user-570
Ah, well, that time period for me was after I came out, so I was already past
the fear of being seen.
I could only ever really get the "girl thoughts" to go away with, um,
self-directed sexual attention, so I would often do so. Once every day, no
more than once. But... often for hours at a time. It was a LOT, but I resisted
as best I could, the only way I knew how, until eventually my internals would
overcome.
... anyway "girl thoughts" were just "my thoughts" I was just too much of a
dumbass to tell.
Like, I knew I was trans, but I didn't want that, because it felt like a flaw.
Because that's what I knew, that's what I'd heard, and that's how it felt, to
be denied the consistency of biology and person.
I would never go back. I love who I am, and I think if I had met me I would
have adored who I'd become.
I just... didn't think about the future much, hyper-vigilant much? Yeah.
totally. I get it.
I've never overdone things. At least not to a dangerous degree. It's mostly
just... stuff to me.
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@user-366 @user-367 @user-246 @user-353
I see... I mean, I've spent enough time around plants and animals to know that
certain things are instinctual and are passed on through biological
reproduction. It's not just that, but my other evidence is anecdotal.
But I also know that most behavior is learned, through a combination of
circumstance, action, and the intentions behind said actions, taken by the
individual who is incorporating behavior into their psyche. So... While I'm
sure there's some merit to each part of the "nature/nurture" spectrum I don't
think it's really relevant on a meta, socio-political scale. You can just
abstract all of those concepts and mark it as a black box called "humanity"
and work through whatever socio-political problem, concern, or quandry you're
working through.
Abstraction is our friend - It hides the details that (while technically may
have SOME merit) are irrelevant to the larger-scale decisionmaking, and in
fact can often delude decionmakers into being unethical.
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--- #121 messages/338 ---
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The question remains - how do you develop and maintain national cohesion while
also ensuring localized liberty? It cannot be done through culture, as culture
is unique to each home. It cannot be done through litigation, as laws must be
unique to each land. It cannot be done through force, as force deprives us of
justice. It cannot be done through economics, as economics wielded as a weapon
brings inequity and unbalanced hierarchies that surely shall topple. It cannot
be done through any application of the state's authority, so it must be done
using something that cannot be forced.
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--- #122 fediverse/1712 ---
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@user-246
I think you're right, I tend to examine things at their most extreme as
practice in identifying my own weaknesses. ^_^
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<pre id='vimCodeElement'>
<span id="L1" class="LineNr"> 1 </span>With ever darkening skies,
the breadth of experience is foreseen.
<span id="L2" class="LineNr"> 2 </span>All eyes are pointed down,
but few do stray above
<span id="L3" class="LineNr"> 3 </span>With a cautious step, the
lesson is learned.
<span id="L4" class="LineNr"> 4 </span>With another, ended.
<span id="L5" class="LineNr"> 5 </span>
<span id="L6" class="LineNr"> 6 </span>For all the Tales of the
Past, love yet remains.
<span id="L7" class="LineNr"> 7 </span>Trading ourselves, for
matters unseen.
<span id="L8" class="LineNr"> 8 </span>The light of the eyes are
keen to behold,
<span id="L9" class="LineNr"> 9 </span>where star ones and
lemonsgrene both most fear
<span id="L10" class="LineNr">10 </span>in breadth do us know,
what's buried in snow
<span id="L11" class="LineNr">11 </span>
<span id="L12" class="LineNr">12 </span>A glass cube for a monitor
is room to breath
<span id="L13" class="LineNr">13 </span>and life for ourselves, if
only we were not
<span id="L14" class="LineNr">14 </span>broadsided ourselves.
<span id="L15" class="LineNr">15 </span>
<span id="L16" class="LineNr">16 </span>Working together, a
prisoners dilemna
<span id="L17" class="LineNr">17 </span>what fools would we be
<span id="L18" class="LineNr">18 </span>as our keeps cracked
around us.
<span id="L19" class="LineNr">19 </span>
<span id="L20" class="LineNr">20 </span>Trust and you'll see,
<span id="L21" class="LineNr">21 </span>what terrors may be,
<span id="L22" class="LineNr">22 </span>beyold the land that is
sanctum.
<span id="L23" class="LineNr">23 </span>
<span id="L24" class="LineNr">24 </span>Our chances may be,
<span id="L25" class="LineNr">25 </span>far from pioneered
<span id="L26" class="LineNr">26 </span>but our chances may be in
our favor.
<span id="L27" class="LineNr">27 </span>
<span id="L28" class="LineNr">28 </span>How cherished is she, that
wanders with ye,
<span id="L29" class="LineNr">29 </span>and yet now I have no way
to beyold her
<span id="L30" class="LineNr">30 </span>Under a great tree, her
last moments with me,
<span id="L31" class="LineNr">31 </span>as a monster came out of
her shoulder.
<span id="L32" class="LineNr">32 </span>
<span id="L33" class="LineNr">33 </span>!("Take her and
not me!") I scream outward at ye,
<span id="L34" class="LineNr">34 </span>yet no one was holding me
over.
<span id="L35" class="LineNr">35 </span>Silent was me, a most
fearsome to be,
<span id="L36" class="LineNr">36 </span>and none was my reach to
beyold her
<span id="L37" class="LineNr">37 </span>
<span id="L38" class="LineNr">38 </span>So now she wanders free,
beyond our beheld scenery,
<span id="L39" class="LineNr">39 </span>Astounded at our steps to
hold her
<span id="L40" class="LineNr">40 </span>Under a big tree, how
starlight must be,
<span id="L41" class="LineNr">41 </span>if only our fellows did
hold her
<span id="L42" class="LineNr">42 </span>Under a big tree, with me
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I'm worth it.
I don't demand much. Feed me, take change of me, care for what i do, that's
pretty much all.
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--- #125 fediverse/3119 ---
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│ CW: weird-way-to-think-about-it │
└─────────────────────────────────┘
when I get up,
I feel as if
if I got up
my bones would leave my flesh behind
to look for work to find
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--- #126 fediverse/6200 ---
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│ CW: cursing-mentioned │
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trans people aren't allowed to go to florida now because mean people don't
want them on beaches where everyone's being sexy and disneyworld where they
keep all their children's treasured memories
and it's like fuck off I earned to be who I am as you see, I'll be as I damned
please in whoever's memories I decree.
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--- #127 fediverse/4800 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned │
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what if we just wrote our own executive orders and changed things for the
better
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it's july. we have plenty of time to get our shit together, the election's not
until november!
just... make sure their plans don't hinge on it being past november.
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║ why would you think cops act the same in immigrant neighborhoods as they do in │
║ suburban heirloomitudes? [that's a weird way to say they're gonna take your │
║ stuff] │
║ │
║ I'm reminded of that one line in that one green day song about homeland │
║ security and how it could kill us all │
║ │
║ ... okay focus. you should write something on some part of your friend's │
║ stuff, and tell them about it. myultiple things if they care about you. then │
║ you can always tell if their stuff has been replaced or stolen, because │
║ they'll have to painstakingly manually re-paint your visual definitions of │
║ your text-type-ing manual pen-held ministrations. │
║ │
║ ... handwriting. she means handwriting. why can't she just speak plainly? it's │
║ like part of her memory is being used for computational purposes and the │
║ memory of how she says the word "handwriting" is temporarily dis-abled, used │
║ for cognitive processing then returned to a relatively normal state. │
║ │
║ ... which prevents her from using it in a sentence. │
║ │
║ I worry that I didn't do well enough by my family. │
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@user-1224
thank goodness for that, now we have places to find stuff when stuff becomes
scarce, before we can make "scarce" a memory.
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@user-431
the rookie mistake was bringing your phone to the protest... you can pee
anywhere, but your phone can only ever be on your person. According to the
feds, at least.
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--- #132 fediverse/1192 ---
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--- #133 fediverse/2192 ---
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If you're following so many people that you can't read every single post or
boost they make, then you're following too many people, and the people that
you are following aren't boosting enough.
Community is forged through short-range bonds, not thoughts-and-prayers. Two
hands clasped in a shared fist can do much more than your friendships on the
other side of the globe. I'm not saying be insular, but rather to build the
bonds you want to protect you, not the ones that make you feel dopamined
enough to go to work every day.
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"fake your death"
no.
"leave the country"
no.
"go into hiding"
no.
"eat something why dont ya, you're skin and bones!"
yeah okay.
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--- #135 fediverse/5012 ---
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it's always a good idea to wear multiple layers, especially when it's decently
cold out.
make sure they're different colors. Ideally, one layer totally black, the
other completely colorful.
then if you ever need to you can strip one layer and become someone else.
They're just clothes, they grow on trees in stores.
speaking of stores, if you're ever going to do anything spicy, make sure you
wear that outfit exactly once, unless it's all black. Jeans are okay too since
they all usually look pretty similar.
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--- #136 fediverse/6239 ---
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│ CW: death-mentioned │
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somehow that came out wrong - I meant when you die, suddenly you stop growing
and you are who you be. forever, alegacy.
I'd rather be awake and alive, thank you very much. I think I'm worth more as
such. Plus it's nice, to me? to be unafraid and free? if you'd feed a cat,
you'd shelter a humon. oh, you want me to work like a rat. ah well I'll wander
through this maze, with my head all in a daze, we'll see what I can still see
tomorrow.
... I'd rather not be who I don't actively want to be, I think the more
correct way of saying it. I mispronounced. I misspoke. Sorry it's just hard
for me. my cats meowing at me.
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@user-1156
I wonder why some areas are black and some are that beautiful yellow color?
Perhaps a different mineral composition? Could that provide insight into the
nature of how Venus was formed?
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@user-1174
"yes it fucking is, we helped EVERYONE, and now it's our turn to need help,
because POWER accretes evil. It corrupts, and now it's our sword of damocles.
We'd happily relinquish our title that we claimed for the world in our
brightest and boldest of moments, but we're kinda stuck in this role. And
like... Diversity is our strength, allies are relationships you FIGHT FOR."one
of the occasional US citizens you mentioned
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@user-1352
and yet they force our hand, compelling us to do harmful work. Whether that be
by wage slavery, whose shackles I can feel around each and every employee's
wrist, or the more intentional contestation of the revocation of our rights
and constitutionalizations enshrined in the words we've set down for ourselves
as our collectively most honored.
So we resist in whatever way we suspect we will be contested. I gave up on
ignoring the intelligence community by the way, and now I see them everywhere.
I am not afraid - they do what I do, and what I do helps.
Everyone has a boss. Everyone wants a decent world. The MAGA and VFPs and
other toxic fellows have a strange definition of decent to me. Why not let
them live as they please? Fuck off nazis.
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Person, family, neighborhood, city, state, nation, planet. This is a rough
description of each "tier" of algorism. These rules apply at every tier, so
though I said "state" and "nation" for the presented arguments they are
equally relevant to the family and the planet.
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republicans vote based on culture, which is unfair to the rest of us with our
own cultures that melt together in this melting pot.
they can go down the street and eat vietnamese food, and yet they vote for
their own culture in isolation.
voting for those who represent you is fine, but those who represent them have
non-cultural agendas as well. their plans are designed to hurt others, an act
which grants them power over others. usually financial power, but there are
many kinds of power, and all of them are unethical when applied
non-consentually.
and if you vote for a democrat, you do not consent to them.
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◀─╔═══════════════════════════[BOOST]═════════════════════════════───────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ The world should sanction the US and Israel to oblivion. │║║││║║│ Do it, guys. Genocide doesn't stop itself. │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┴───────╝─▶
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the one thing I've never ever procrastinated is the sound of my cat preparing
to yak
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--- #144 messages/20 ---
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My mom was always the reason I did school work. After she stopped pushing me,
I stopped moving because I didn't know how to generate my own momentum. I had
no passion and was listless. Least of all for school work.
So, how to do it better? Instead of buying toys and extravagance for kids, you
should set them up with projects. Ask what they want, and then help them build
it. Include them in your thought processes when you're problem solving, and
ask them for input. If they offer bad ideas, then *tell them*, don't just let
them fail. If you're not 100% sure but they're convinced, then trust them! Try
it out, who knows. Maybe it'll work better than what you had in mind. The goal
isn't to be BETTER than them, it's to make them BETTER than you! Not right now
(don't push too hard), but when they're your age. Like, it's best if they
accomplish more and lived life more fully than you did at your age, but don't
push them to be wise or strong or intelligent at the age they are now. Trust
that they will grow when you give them room to, and guide and cultivate them
toward goodness. For example, if they do something wrong (hitting other kids,
messing with animals, destroying objects) then guide them toward a better
path. Teach them empathy, and show them how it works by doing it yourself! Ask
them questions like "How would you feel if that happened to you?", show them
weak points and how to avoid them when playing, and give them alternatives to
the behaviors they do that directly harm others. "Maybe play with the dog this
way, instead of being rough" "Maybe you and that other kid can ride your bikes
or draw instead of fighting - or if you still want to fight, then learn how to
tell when someone is hurt and try to help them."
The goal isn't to push them really hard off a cliff in a hanglider, hoping
they can figure it out in the air, it's to strengthen their legs so they can
run fast enough that they can take off successfully.
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In engaging in this manner, they are sharpening their skills and talents.
Then, when peril strikes their world (everything from a black dragon seizing
control of parliment to a flame elemental awakening and threatening to
Yellowstone the globe) they are honed and tempered enough to combat them.
Power begets power, though, and with greater nuclear proliferation comes
greater threats, like an demon alien invasion, the afore-mentioned death
incarnate waking up, the elemental forces of hate and despair corrupting the
very earth beneath their feet, an evil time-travelling dictator bringing
fascism to the Americas before Columbus showed up (along with WW2 tanks and
industry), a bunch of ghost pirates and dinosaurs I think? (I was in college
for this one srry), more demons, and then I think like, the shadowlands or
something idk I hung up the phone when I got the message.
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the quality of a harvest is not measured in bushels,
if you need more, grow more.
the quality of a harvest is measured in the size and quality of the land
fruits.
less chopping, more eating.
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I wish I could remember how this was phrased, but...:
Constant theorizing or contemplation without commesurate practice is an uneven
display of affection and appreciation. It creates an uneven environment where
nothing is ever good enough because the "discourse" has moved past the
practice.
It's a bit like applying uneven heating to a pan on the stove. Some bits are
gonna get overcooked while others are bordering on raw.
Y'all are so afraid of spies but like if everyone just... Showed up... Then
they'd have far too many people to listen to.
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when they refer to "DEI" policies and institutional structures, they aren't
thinking of "Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion"
they're thinking "Didn't Earn It"
they think that by "trimming the fat" they can make a lean, more focused regime
But the more they trim, the weaker they'll be when we start to contest them.
These policies aid their people, too, and they seem intent on dismantling
society.
what if we just... let them do it? We can build something new from the broken
pieces of our world. Don't look back. Despair is the true enemy. So long as
your neighbors and friends and community sustains you... You'll be alright.
"but I don't have a community!"
... workin' on it... workin' on it... this is not set in stone. Spend time on
the streets just... walking. See people, say hi, smile at them, spend time in
parks. If you live in the suburbs, sucks to be you, but you can build networks
there. Act as if you're organizing in a rural space when on a bike or your
feet, and urban when in a car
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gym teachers should have flexible models of muscle and bone to show the
children while they are stretching and practicing their form
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--- #150 fediverse_boost/4368 ---
◀─╔════════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════════─────────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ i don't know what works for you when it comes to grieving, but i do know that i will need your love and jokes and shared visions to tend to mine. there is big power in leaning into our common humanity together, and in mirroring each other's deep hopes and dreams for the world. i think choosing to walk toward one another and to keep seeking connection in the face of cultural atomization is a form of faith, the kind of faith that alchemizes communities and ushers people through the worst horrors │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────┴───────╝─▶
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The trolley problem, but you're strapped to the track, and pulling the lever
means working hard for months on end.
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@user-1052
no, but humans, being pavlovian inspired designs, will react to negative
stimulus. It's only unethical when it's externally applied, yes? Like,
minmaxing life in this strange, ethically justified way.
To avoid zealotry however it needs to be self-correcting, something that
adapts to and pursues the moment. With long-term meta-goals as well, and an
understanding matrix that processes how things are going in the present. and
past.
one thing that machine learning is good for is optimization. It's useful to
think of an AGI's experiences as a collection of situations that they've had
to handle bit by bit by bit. these bits of context can be used to generate
analogies about their future present situations, which can improve their
long-term adaptability to their self-created shows. (ethical training based on
curated movies and pieces of media?)
I wonder if there's a structural reason for that pavlovian instinct, like the
impulse of pain. Sure would be nice to not have that in our
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I've had the same zit on the middle back of my neck for like, 6 months now, at
least. how weird right
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"If I look like a fool, it'll keep eyes on me instead of looking at my friends
who are stoned and paranoid"
maybe the friends are paranoid because you're acting like a dork and drawing
attention to the group
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I don't want our protagonist being eaten by that thing T.T
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if your zone of influence is larger than your degree of control, you will be
completely overwhelmed.
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--- #157 fediverse/4066 ---
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the lawful good in me says "clean up that spill you just made"
the chaotic good in me says "throw a brick at a cop car"
and the part of me that listens says "uhhhhh okay somewhere in the middle of
those two points is "ignore the spill and the cops and just finish making your
ramen I guess?" and frankly that's the one I'm more likely to listen to" and
frankly that's the one I'm more likely to listen to.
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--- #158 fediverse_boost/1741 ---
◀─╔═════════════════════[BOOST]══════════════════════────────────────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ The rotation of Goganyka. │║║││║║│ If this flame is beautiful, ⭐ or boost this post to improve its chances for future breedings. │║║│ #fractal │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┴───────╝─▶
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all of the good people I know work at corporations.
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if I don't take this job, then I'm going to be homeless.
if I do, then I'll be moving to a different city.
a city that I don't know.
my upbringing tells me that this isn't a choice at all, but...
at least I have a place to keep my stuff. maybe I can find a different job.
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yeah it's important to take breaks when you're working on something great,
otherwise you'll run out of learning points.
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The biggest danger to opsec is when other people think they know more than you.
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In a boxing match, the coach will take moments to bolster their favored
combatant. They'll give them words of motivation, tips for weaknesses in their
foe they noticed, and reasons why they're taking hits. They are the mentor and
tactician, and they are immensely valuable for the success of the student
learner.
If I had to organize a debate like the one that I am watching now, I'd suggest
that two bright eyed individuals should take a moment to discuss with their
wiser directors before responding to each question. One minute to discuss, one
to debate, one to respond.
Not only would it reduce the failures of improvisation, it'd give time to more
accurately address concerns. Precision is important, but accuracy even more-so.
After the debate it could be aired with the discussion parts stripped out, or
perhaps made into 3 different perspectives that you could watch one after
another - each side's counsel session, and their combined response where only
the younger gave words form.
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--- #164 fediverse/159 ---
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@user-95 the option menu for my avatar is in chinese so I have to randomly
pick options until I get what I want... My outfit gets messed up a lot T.T
But eventually I can put it back together. I like this avatar because I have
lots of good memories with my friend while wearing it. I figured there wasn't
really any reason to change since I liked it so much ^_^
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--- #165 fediverse/1171 ---
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@user-878
if their internal structure does not become more complex, it will be
increasingly difficult to transport vital nutrients from one part of the body
to another.
therefore, to create the perfect leviathan lobster god you'll need to find a
way to manually deliver said nutrients. Possibly by a semi-permanent injection
system, though that may harm functioning in other ways.
I'm sure their top minds are working on this as we speak.
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@user-1018
yep. monopolies are not competition, and yet that's what we optimize toward,
through the nature of our planned economics.
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--- #167 fediverse/4937 ---
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@user-1074
yeah, workin' on it...
building "community" whatever that means
seems to be important enough to people that they'd consider it necessary prior
to any "hot" action
which, like, yeah, I get, but what they don't know is that community springs
up naturally in the presence of shared experience. And if people are suddenly
tasked with something then they're gonna make friends. They're gonna draw
allegiances. Basically every alignment we make now is useless because the
whole point is to force people to govern themselves.
... why won't you take your liberty, liberals? where's your spirit?
oh yeah you want community first. Right. workin' on it...
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--- #168 fediverse/68 ---
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this is my past month of reddit comments.
tell me what you notice.
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--- #169 fediverse/5801 ---
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don't spend your foremost on your firstmost moves
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--- #170 fediverse/847 ---
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I say "my" not as in "mine" but "my" as in "my beloved"
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--- #171 fediverse/453 ---
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I left for beer.
I returned with a 6 pack.
I entered my home with a 4 pack, because I left 2 beers on the porches of
people that I know and trust and want to provide a better experience of life
toward.
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--- #172 fediverse/1263 ---
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@user-883
My friends and I decided to hang out for two days in a row, I guess they
aren't tired of me yet hehe - I might be around tonight but I'll let you know!
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--- #173 fediverse/2610 ---
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learning martial arts is not useful for the combat capabilities gained through
practice
but rather for reading the flow and rhythm of an engagement.
to learn the discipline to practice a craft
to develop healthy and honorable relationships toward competition and jealousy
the practice the drive and passionate motivation that comes with performing an
art to your utmost capabilities
and to keep you in shape.
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--- #174 fediverse/2632 ---
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not much to do now but wait.
you know how the story goes. promising recruit drops out of basic because she
refused to do immoral things. but, she's shown too much to the internet, so
she's kind of in a bad spot. at least until the next time she gets abused.
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--- #175 fediverse/5554 ---
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║ a shrewd foe will identify the pieces of your soul which they resonate with, │
║ and share common ground. then they will attempt to maximize these moments in │
║ you, so that [your weaknesses are exploited/your friendship bond is │
║ strengthened] or something - phew that was a lot of Steven Universe, what's │
║ next on the inspiratio-matic-media-diet-atron? - and in doing so better enable │
║ a positive outcome. │
║ │
║ for example, in the game Mount and Blade you can encounter wandering lords in │
║ the castles of the countryside. they often will fight for you if you need │
║ their aid, and they're always working to gain power. │
║ │
║ some few precious few of these few are pretenders to another throne. as in, │
║ they pretend that they should be ruling from that throne, and they tell as │
║ many people as possible, creating as much concrete evidence as is plausible. │
║ │
║ they will often lead differently, and so are appealing to those fighting under │
║ the pretended-for banner. Often, your foes will decide that you're more │
║ favorable than their combatants. defect. │
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--- #176 fediverse/5028 ---
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┌────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: protests-and-fascism-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────┘
my favorite protest sign I didn't see last weekend went something like this:
"if you want to resist fascism, pay my rent so I can resist fascism"
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--- #177 fediverse/4080 ---
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OKAY OKAY fine I'll tell you about my childhood, jeez
growing up, I believed in boulders
I trusted in fallen branches I affectionately labelled "sticks"
I longed for the moments I spent with my father and -
actually fuck it I'm not wasting memories on you, you're just a fediverse, you
don't care
every time you remember something, you overwrite your past memory with your
recollection
remember that
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--- #178 fediverse/179 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-162 only if those behind the change of leadership do not have the
support of the educated. essentially... only evil people who have no ties to
morality or justice would eliminate their political opponents.
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--- #179 fediverse/1533 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: dead-birds │ │
║ └──────────────────────┘ │
║ │
║ │
║ if you set out food for animals consistently, then more of them can live in │
║ the area. │
║ │
║ but if you move across the state and take your bird feeder with you, the birds │
║ will die. │
║ │
║ well, birds can fly, rabbits and chickens and squirrels are not so lucky. │
║ birds might not die. though there is overall less food in the area, so they │
║ might still die. │
║ │
║ when I was a kid, growing up in suburbia I used to see rabbits EVERYWHERE. My │
║ cat would hunt them. I would run around with them. Now I see but a few. │
║ │
║ Rabbits eat grass, right? We sure do use a lot of pesticides on our immaculate │
║ lawns. Or at least, the one neighbor three doors down does, and it's a free │
║ country after all. │
║ │
║ explain to me again why we can't leave a trail of chopped up carrots behind │
║ our lawn mowers? Why we can't spread seeds on our trails, or fill basins with │
║ water? │
║ │
║ ... yeah, none of that makes money. All of it requires consistent persistent │
║ effort. And it's not like our media glorifies it, what a shame it would be to │
║ hold nature in our palms. │
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--- #180 fediverse/1398 ---
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I don't think I've ever appreciated a notification Steam has sent me about my
friend's playing games. If they wanted to play with me they would text me.
It does, however, make me think about video games more. And seeing their name
makes me think of them, which makes me feel closer to them without actually
interacting. Which is kind-of an anti-behavior, like facebook stalking
except... paying attention to what your friends are playing and when and how
much and... not good.
I know a lot of people who are permanently offline on Steam because of reasons
like that. But, of course, they can still see everyone else, which feels like
an anti-pattern...
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--- #181 messages/547 ---
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Internationalize amazon and walmart and you'll have fixed most of the problems
of globalism.
But you can't fix anything if you don't have power...
It's important to focus on how to get power. Keep in mind "what to do when you
have power" but don't let it dominate your thoughts. Focus on claiming your
right to determination.
Steps to revolution:
1. Invert power structures with unions
2. Care for people with mutual aid
3. Vote for the Democrat so we have a few more years of peace
4. Teach people to always be learning
5. Connect to people on a personal or spiritual level
6. Make the world a better place, whether that's by sweeping a street corner
or helping people smile, it doesn't really matter how. What matters is the
intention.
7. Improve your self and your life. Do pushups, eat better, drink more water,
spend time writing (writing is thinking), and take time to sit and stare at
the flowers.
8. Kill the part of yourself that cringes. Everyone's figuring things out and
its okay to say "haha okay then"
9. Spend time with animals.
10. Make mistakes. Apologize for them. Learn from them. Stay mobile in your
character. Develop new ways of being.
11. React with vigor when the time comes. This vigor will only be violent if
it is caused by violence. Much more likely is a strength through organization.
We can do it if we do it together!
12. Show up every day, but don't hang around if everyone's resting at home.
It's okay to stop showing up if things are on pause.
13. Trust that your allies are working. Or resting. Or preparing.
14. Plans change, planning remains.
15. Dream of a better future. It is within reach.
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--- #182 fediverse/2342 ---
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I ran myself ragged. Why? Just to get used to the feeling I guess. Probably
should have started that kind of training a lifetime ago, but I've learned a
lot in the past 5 days. Here's hoping the next 3 or 4 will go the same.
I can't wait to be outside again.
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--- #183 fediverse/2391 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: food-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
C'mon Cameron only five or six more bites to force down, you'll need your
strength
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--- #184 notes/i-called-the-police ---
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/u/GravitationalWaves5 -> sat dec 17 2022
I'm venting some long built up shit. And I have a lot of violent emotions
built
up in this too. I hate that violence has been such a fucking plague on my
wellbeing and that's why I did something I really hate doing. Calling the
police
to handle a situation for me. It's not me, it's not my style, but neither is
violence. It comes my way a lot and I handle it. But I think that's why
spiritually I end up in positions to handle it, because I don't retaliate and
I'm clear headed enough to understand minimum force necessary to quickly stop
the threat. That's actually where I got the name on my Quora page,
Compassionate
Violence.
I'm a very very non violent person. I don't fantasize about hurting people.
I'm
freaked out by the idea of accidentally hurting someone, hitting them in the
wrong place, someone trips and hits their head...any number of things can
horribly wrong in tense and dynamic moments.
I don't participate in that shit. I don't tolerate it. Unless it gets brought
into my environment then I will pick up by the throat and toss it out.
I had to call the police to handle this. Last time I had a situation at the
same
place I wound up frantically getting a gun cocked that was zipped up in a bag,
and barely getting it up in time. When I walked away after that, I threw my
gun
at his feet and said, "I'm protected by faith, at least, I'm completely
unafraid
of dying. If I don't have people to protect then I don't need a gun." And I
walked away letting him know he's not my people anymore and not under my watch.
So there's a hint of the kind of person I'm dealing with. I can't go handle
this
shit tonight. I've been stewing for a couple weeks trying to simmer down, give
him a chance to correct it. And he failed, more than once. And I have a
legitimate fear that my emotional state could be compromised enough, that I
might just stick a knife in his throat if I handle it.
Just like that. Easy peasy lemon squeazy. Stick stick stick, easy, that's
three
knives in the throat....see what I mean? I'm processing some
intensity...😔😔😔
I hate it. I hate that I'm using the word hate. But it's real. I don't hate
him.
I really don't, at all. I'm actually really saddened by how the relationship
went. I hate that people act like this. I hate that people put me in positions
like this. I hate that I'm doing something out of character, as a safety
measure
against doing something irrevocably out of character.
Ugh... damnit fuck
I'm not a robot. I do experience these awful feelings. I don't act out on them
and I'm grateful for that.
My muse... you said something about spiders that was interesting. Especially
because it coincided with a problem I faced numerous times. Being put in a
position where a person is legitimately acting in a manner like they're trying
to get you to kill them. And it's happened a couple times in ways where I
really
couldn't tell if they knew what they were doing or not. I had a really crazy
perspective a little before you brought up spiders...
I want to explore that perspective, and I want to know what sparked you to say
that about spiders. I never did put in the time to finish that thought process
out. But I'll never forget your great advice. "We're not in a simulation." My
immediate thought was, "probably not, but are they?" The more important
takeaway
is, remember not to murder people. Especially don't do it because you had an
interesting idea about perspective...
A few days later I heard that four people in recent times have acted on those
thoughts. Turned out they weren't in a simulation either. Lol...well...dark
lol.
Lol
I do want to finish that spiders conversation though. It had some potentially,
actually useful and beneficial implications.
I called the police tonight. But I also earned a prestigious award from the
universe. My Trophy [editor's note: there's a link to a crudely photoshopped
medallion signifying that the author "didn't murder anyone today"]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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-
/r/randomevenings:
I want you to understand something that I don't believe you do there is a
very big difference between trusting what a friend says after building a
friendship over a long period of time which involves trust involves a level
of intimacy platonic and intimacy it's something that is very special to
have
a good friend and so you trust them now that's very different from being
directed to do something trusting a friend is going to tell the truth it's
not being directed to do something and I don't want you to get it in your
many heads that's I was directed to go to some place where the event that I
was assured would be there was instead a bus full of very irate rude and
technically lawbreaking because they threaten my life they said if I did not
leave where I was standing which was on the public right of way which is the
sidewalk the easement stops at the sidewalk and so they were wrong on that
score but they said if I didn't leave the area which didn't make sense
either
because it's just around the corner they would have 12 people try to jump
me
which doesn't make sense either because this is not the neighborhood where
you want to start something because then it'll be something besides I never
want to murder anyone but that doesn't mean I walk around with nothing in
my
pocket because of what I've done and what I continue to do on one of the
most
watched people on earth so you goddamn right I'm not going to be stupid
about
taking a walk but when these guys threaten me I just stood there stared him
down I said yeah okay and I just looked I stood there and it didn't phase
me
one bit no feeling of fear no worry and what I was satisfied with getting my
message across that I didn't give a shit I turn around and walked back home
and they sped off in fact they were so perturbed by my lack of fear they
wanted to throw out additional threats which I thought was kind of funny so
I
started laughing I'm sure that they weren't going to do anything because the
tone in their voice simply wasn't committed to carrying out what they were
threatening and besides I have so many friends in this neighborhood it would
be well I don't have to pull any triggers I don't have to do anything but
defend myself I don't have to willfully respond with disproportionate
ability
because in this neighborhood I don't have to in fact as I walked around the
block again I ran into a friend and we got to talking and he came up to my
place and we had a beer He's a smart guy always thought that he could know
and understand everything that I do and everything that I did it just so
happened that he wasn't born with some of the privileges that I had but his
brain is a beautiful thing and I respect it greatly and of course he
confirmed that if a finger ever got laid on me without my consent the whole
damn neighborhood would come down and I suppose that point is not in my
hands
anymore but always remember I went over there because I trusted a friend
they
were directed to be there they did not understand their voices did not relay
or what is necessary to wake up at least yet time will tell but I hope that
I
can pull you back down to earth and into an interest in ethics once again
because you sorely need it.
/u/GravitationalWaves5:
I am interested in ethics. I'm just, tired of having them tested to such
ridiculous extremes. It was about to really bad one day with this guy. I was
scared, I had to end the problem. So I walked out and said let's bury this
shit.
And I stuck two knives against my throat and said, here man, grab the big
handle. Let's do this together. Take one, I'll take the other let's just shove
them in...
He got all calm suddenly and says, I don't wanna fight anymore...🤦
It sucks man. We're being tested by society. Demons, in my opinion. Not the
people themselves. I don't see people as demons. But the things they'll put
you
through, do to you, say to you, your own thoughts about them, about yourself,
oftentimes just misunderstanding the situation too... demons
Again, not demonizing the people. But the circumstances, for sure.
/u/[deleted]
Demons. Kicked one outta my telly for talking smack abt some hg’s he was
jelly of. Not on my watch Demon. Not even for the good demonic topper
twisted
shit D. Demon had a long walk home in the cold. Demon confused potting soil
with gravel and did it’s best to fucker me in its own way. Never have I
ever
seen a grown demon egg topper fold like that as I did when I clarified
their
sentiments and gave several impressive “I said GIT BOYs” to demon. Not
on my
watch. I have a vibrator that is morally and ethically aligned with me I
don’t need your trauma and love bombing thieving D. Gtfo.
/u/GravitationalWaves5:
I have a vibrator that is ethically and morally aligned with me 🤣[laughing
face]
I support that!
Gets better. His ish was weak literally from day 1. So I did him a favour amd
levelled his game up, introduced him to a former friend I partied with a bit
this summer. They wasn’t for me but oh boy lil demon stuck like glue to his
new
bestie. Can’t put her down, so to speak. So he has that at least. Poor sap.
Gon
cost him big one day perhaps. Not my problem. It’s called self control bro
try
it 🥴🥴🥴[wobbly confused face - or maybe uncertain] Oopsie Daisy. Have
fun with
that though 😈
===============================================================================
=
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=
/u/randomevenings
People deserve to choose righteousness once made aware of it. Ignorance is not
stupidity. People can be made aware of the valley that separates righteousness
from evil. The valley is kinda a wiggle room space for little white lies and
other such things free will invariably leads to people doing but can be made
whole again with some effort. Nobody will totally agree on what's good. But
ask
people and generally they will give versions of the same answers. Toss the
semantics in the valley. Disagreement is the desire to end a disagreement,
unless that person is trolling. And people pull pranks fine, but there's
ragging
on your friends and swatting a COD player.
/u/GravitationalWaves5
I don't know what righteousness truly even means, maybe, idk. To be honest,
it's
not hard for me to think of hypothetical situations where my inability to take
certain actions is actually more harmful. Swatting a COD player is super
fucked.
But so is not swatting someone playing COD out in the streets.
I'm not good. I'm just not, anti good. I do destructive things on accident when
trying otherwise. And when I do something that actually goes positive, it's
accidental too.
I have an idea of what I feel like aligns with me, and it's actually really
achievable things and I don't know why it's so impossible. Idk
/u/randomevenings
Yeah well let me know that there are two Elizabeth's and there are also a
completely different family on this phone plan I don't have kids My
brother-in-law has kids lives downstairs so those piped into my network are
assumed that I have kids and I've done all this shit no I'm not going to go
into any apparent charges and things that my brother-in-law has been
involved
in because it's not my business but he lives down there and he has a kid he
has another kid and he pays for essentially his ex who is still married to
the kid the mortgage of that house Liz downstairs helps raise his kid with a
woman he's having an affair with but they were in an over marriage anyway
and
they are separate I'm going to have to go back to subnetting my network so
y'all can at least use basic logic to figure out who's who here I already
gave my name My Elizabeth see the cousin we call little Elizabeth and my
wife
we call Liz or Beth and she's older my wife. She has contentious
relationship
with her cousin next door for a reason that gravity waves might already know
but it has to do with the very evil person that also involves himself over
there that did something that even Jesus does not forgive so I'm not going
to
go into it so all this mucking around and get everybody confused brought up
a
lot of bad fucking shit just like I said as far as spiders yeah I don't care
if they're All over my shit keep them off of her shit and I ain't asking for
money I'm not a grifter but I already told you what would instantly make the
situation better and it doesn't involve giving me money so before anybody
goes off says money no I know about the discord and I'm not even telling you
to shut it down just lay off her phone.
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=
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[author's note: on the comments of the separate post of the original poster's
medal awarding him the honor of "not murdering anyone today" which he won ]
/u/TisWuttItIS_ORITSknot
Proud of you!
/u/mustherd
Sorry, my account got banned because reddit is annoying. We were just
chatting about how funny I am and I forgot to tell you people know me and
I'm
kinda a big deal and idk congrats! Youre cool I guess. Otherwise I would
have
cast you into the flames of eternal torment never to internet again. But
here
you are. Didn't anyone ever tell you to never go full retard?
/u/GravitationalWaves5
I am the internet, I am the ghost in the machine
Real talk though. I've used cancelled Sim cards and wifi before. If God wants
me
online, God gets me online 🙃
I am we, Todd
/u/ricflairdic
Oh u we Todd! I know u retard, Familiarity cod, to me bod, And my fishin rod,
Not the one that may see sod, Body snatcher in the pink pod, Do u know ur a
catch or, U think dog, Cause that pussy, Wanna see god, Lemme show u regard,
Dont Tell me, Just nod,
Said flow from the stars, Mama know this river far, Rowin in trucks renta cars,
Golden trim red rockin Mars, Buildin fam like stock Sim cards, Highest angels
dock gettin ours, Clock Game down pat benetar,
Peelin fans off our back, like sin scars, Feelin ur man thru static, And thin
bars, Ya he in the pin but dis hits hard, Throw it down the lane like, Return
that back to sender, Lovin your simulation renders, I'm a beginner but also an
ender, Got the wood to make u splinter, Make u scream things we gotta sensor,
If
I could never leave when I enter, Union in your head not just a renter, Once
mine One mind I surrender, never sell betray or rent her, Overflowin with Love,
so who's the pretender?
Chemistry so hot, Hate from every enemy we spot, Mad they couldn't earn our
slot, Cause they fuckin missed they shot, Last name crossed to drop the dot,
How
long u think it will take me To find your spot?
Don't care you got a Fender, Did we just become best friends or? Damn girl idk
if ya'll ready, for this kinda real Adventure... 🙃
I'm here to reveal, heal, and steal, the hearts Of the indentured
And I need a partner.
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--- #185 fediverse/2493 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
The supreme court may have made these three decisions, but they did so at the
behest of capital. Perhaps not directly, but I do believe in the future tomes
will be written about how and why we ended up here. Perhaps they are already
being written.
I will not stand idly by any longer while our country decays. I will not
tolerate the corruption, the pollution, the intentional division, and the
fanned flames of hatred.
The only thing on my mind right now is the extinction of fascism, the
replacement of capitalism, and the freedom of all those enslaved.
[5/5]
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--- #186 messages/1187 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
all you need is one layer between the king and his advisors and suddenly none
of this you can prove. "yeah that guy was definitely a merchant"
... and suddenly the people lost sight of them. "I guess he's in the parapet?
I can't actually see anything, the castle is too far away." (glasses weren't a
thing but people who worked outside could keep the hovels surrounding the
castle in position to keep the castle well hidden from any ne'er do wells. The
problem with the castle gates is you can't even find the castle gates! they're
massive, and sometimes you'll see them while something's in the way... but you
never quite reach them. Not unless you know the secret paths through the
townsfolk. all you gotta do is talk to the right people first, second, or
worst-least?
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--- #187 messages/202 ---
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It's a good idea to practice getting places without gmaps, after having
studied the map at home.
Just incase you need to get somewhere that you don't want to bring your phone
to.
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--- #188 fediverse/3784 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: education~ │
└──────────────────────┘
A child's schooling should consist of the bare-minimum amount of mental labor
necessary to teach them the fundamentals of arithmetic, reading, and writing.
They must be given opportunities to apply themselves toward educational goals
beyond such things, including social proficiency, and physical dexterity and
strength, and specialization in a particular academic subject.
Kids need freedom. They need community, not "social time" that does not
consist of anything more than living in the same rooms at school as the other
kids. They need to be able to visit each other whenever they want.
I personally believe that lectures taught in an interesting and engaging way
are significantly more effective at instilling a drive to learn than rigorous
drilling of detailed information. A kid will not learn a sufficient amount of
information in school to be useful in a particular topic unless they seek out
the knowledge on their own. Universities attempt to "fake" this effect by
getting them to research.
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--- #189 fediverse_boost/5627 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════════[BOOST]═══════════════════════════════──────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ AOC: “I don’t think anyone is prepared for what they just did w/ ICE. │║║││║║│ This is not a simple budget increase. It is an explosion - making ICE bigger than the FBI, US Bureau of Prisons, DEA,& others combined. │║║││║║│ It is setting up to make what’s happening now look like child’s play. And people are disappearing.” │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──┴───────╝─▶
--- #190 fediverse/375 ---
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premature optimization may be the root of all evil, but like... it's fun? so
I'm going to keep doing it. And before you ask why I'm using threads on
project euler problems, just know that it's slightly faster this way I promise.
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--- #191 fediverse/3341 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: unnecessarily-lewd-hehe │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-138
😋 🙃 😅 🥰
"uhhhh I dunno lemme check:
:ms_eggplant: :ms_eggplant: :ms_eggplant: :ms_eggplant: :ms_eggplant:
:ms_eggplant: :ms_eggplant: :ms_eggplant: ⭕
oh hey looks like there's a spot right at the end there - wait that's a butt,
hold up"
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--- #192 fediverse/2536 ---
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@user-1074
if you're anything like me, then it will happen again. It's okay. A friend
won't judge you, a friend would forgive you.
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--- #193 fediverse/5616 ---
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I went on a walk today, it was pretty nice.
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--- #194 fediverse/3966 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐ │
║ │ CW: re: Thoughts// anarchist //whatever │ │
║ └─────────────────────────────────────────┘ │
║ │
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║ @user-1298 │
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║ I believe that self defence is a myth, and should not be relied upon, because │
║ anyone who is rotten in their heart might prey upon you (who might defend │
║ yourself) just as easily as a cripple in a cart or a grannie walking her cats │
║ in the park. │
║ │
║ The process you're describing is exile. And that works when you can cast │
║ people out of your stone-walled town. But in the modern era, there are no │
║ places for these people to go, so we hold them with cruel iron bars in cages │
║ far underground. │
║ │
║ It's not ideal, but would you rather they find someone else to harm, or would │
║ you rather invite power's corruption into your heart and take an oath to │
║ protect the weak and innocent? │
║ │
║ Evil is everyone's problem. It lurks within us, and leaps forth in times of │
║ turmoil and stress. We are human savages, after all, and our nature is that of │
║ a wild beast given a spark of intelligence through countless generations of │
║ gossip and generosity. │
║ │
║ Humans are good for the most part. Some have lead poisoning │
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--- #195 fediverse_boost/3681 ---
◀─╔═══════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════────────────────────────╗║┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐║║│ Jumo in motion. │║║││║║│ If this flame is beautiful, ⭐ or boost this post to improve its chances for future breedings. │║║│ #fractal │║║└────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘║╠─────────┐┌───────────╣║similar│chronological│different║╚═════════╧════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #196 fediverse/3410 ---
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@user-138
homework is fine if they give you free time to do it. But most of the time
they expect children to go to school for 8 hours a day and then go home to
more work.
No thank you.
When I was homeschooled, I had about 1-3 hours of schoolwork every day. After
that, I would read, play, explore, and spend time under the sun.
I can imagine no other way to be. But that's just me.
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--- #197 fediverse/4298 ---
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it's good to have multiple ways to contact people you care about
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--- #198 fediverse/4977 ---
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Can't do much from my home place. Gonna walk around a bit. I may first eat
some food or snuggle my cat, we'll see.
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--- #199 fediverse/3809 ---
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│ CW: violence-mentioned │
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"Ritz, we love you, but you're fucking stupid, so we're gonna have to break
your legs now."
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--- #200 fediverse/3660 ---
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be me, improving my life bit by bit:
"I should stop procrastinating"
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![[text begins the same, but after the third paragraph it displays a darker, yet somehow slightly more nuanced future. A pyrrhic victory, where everyone gives the greatest sacrifice and nobody escapes the death of morale.] when they refer to "DEI" policies and institutional structures, they aren't thinking of "Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion" they're thinking "Didn't Earn It" they think that by "trimming the fat" they can make a lean, more focused regime and yeah maybe they can. who am I to claim that the government isn't bloated? I mean, have you seen the military industrial complex? problem is... "Didn't Earn It" very quickly becomes a measure of how much a person bows to the political party. Hence why they repealed the Chevron doctrine last summer. The goal is to try to enforce loyalty over all else. Downside is that competency lags behind when all your most zealous and militant are working office jobs. Lucky for us, that means every time they take a casualty they lose a department head inspector, and every time we lose a heart we have one fewer grocery bagger. I cherish the grocery baggers. But their institutions will collapse with sufficient attrition while ours are what, corporate profits? Pyrrhic](/similar-different/media/f0158925d488f9df.png "[text begins the same, but after the third paragraph it displays a darker, yet somehow slightly more nuanced future. A pyrrhic victory, where everyone gives the greatest sacrifice and nobody escapes the death of morale.] when they refer to \"DEI\" policies and institutional structures, they aren't thinking of \"Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion\" they're thinking \"Didn't Earn It\" they think that by \"trimming the fat\" they can make a lean, more focused regime and yeah maybe they can. who am I to claim that the government isn't bloated? I mean, have you seen the military industrial complex? problem is... \"Didn't Earn It\" very quickly becomes a measure of how much a person bows to the political party. Hence why they repealed the Chevron doctrine last summer. The goal is to try to enforce loyalty over all else. Downside is that competency lags behind when all your most zealous and militant are working office jobs. Lucky for us, that means every time they take a casualty they lose a department head inspector, and every time we lose a heart we have one fewer grocery bagger. I cherish the grocery baggers. But their institutions will collapse with sufficient attrition while ours are what, corporate profits? Pyrrhic")
