=== ANCHOR POEM ===
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 Hi,
 
 I'm Ritz Menardi.
 I'm a witch, so I'm strange and wear a funny hat.
 
 I like colors in the dark, poetry from the heart, and scary songs about
 society.
 I think of myself as a synecdoche for humanity, and though I'm not always right
 I try to be aligned when possible. Most people I've found aren't really like
 me.
 
 I am as I am, and
 I promise,
 I won't hurt you.
 
 content warnings: autistic, scary, existential, abstract, polite, perspectives,
                   cannabis, color,              paranoia, cringe, spirituality,
                   hypnosis, trans,              sardonic, honest, schizo-posts,
                   futurist, deity,              left-ism, cursed, shadowdancer,
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/1259 ---
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 @user-895 
 
 hi! I'm Ritz Menardi, I'm a little strange. I sometimes post scary things on
 here. I try to put content warnings on everything intense, but sometimes it
 gets a little out of hand and I forget... I'm also a poet. Spiritual at best,
 a little schizophrenic at worse, but at all times I try to be true to myself.
 If you don't like the vibes I 100% won't be upset if you unfollow / block me
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--- #2 fediverse/1280 ---
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 I'm like the opposite of a politician. I'm crude and filthy, apsolutely          │
 reprehensible on main, kinda scary tbh? and overall just a strange and weird     │
 person. Also I talk about cooking a lot, with a very plain diet (carrots and     │
 rice and sticks and mud, because I'm an autistic)                                │
 but ask anyone who knows me and I'm the kindest person. I am empathetic, I       │
 think about others needs before thinking of my own. I am steadfast and           │
 dedicated to solving the problem in front of our noses. At least, the ones we    │
 share.                                                                           │
 People tell me I'm binary, that I'm "either 100% or zero percent" and I don't    │
 really get that either. Isn't it a good thing to try your hardest? Isn't it      │
 good to be improving and honest and ethical and driven and focused?              │
 I also talk about strange things a lot, like gravity and multidimensional        │
 arrays and grand narratives and emotional kinesthesia or strategic plays in      │
 Overwatch or how to bake a good cookie or ways we still mourn us.                │
 ... where was I going with this? Also part of me is distracted. Just who th      │
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--- #3 fediverse/2386 ---
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 Tee, hee, look at me, I'm a witch who writes nothing but kookie-dookerie
 
 I pee my pants and stare at trees, what's less harmful than little old me?
 
 The best smokescreen I can think of is to be true to your heart, to be weak,
 to be vulnerable. Then you get put on the "worry about later" list, and not
 the other kind.
 
 I never lie. When convinced I am wrong, I change my mind. I am always
 listening, always ready to hear where I'm flawed. I do my best every day, and
 that's enough for me.
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--- #4 fediverse/999 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-curséd-scary-not-real-u-dont-have-to-read │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-246 @user-473 
 
 there's a part of me that believes magic is real. other parts that are
 convinced. I am a witch, you see, and while I can't quite control fire or
 bullets I can do other neat things. if you'd let me, humanity.
 
 I'm not doing an ARG, not intentionally. I pretty much post things I conceive
 of, like a conduit passed through spacetime. wild how mind bending the future
 can be. will be interesting to see what kinds of things there is in store for
 people you and me.
 
 those websites you posted... they're beautiful - I learned things, your method
 of expression was too [the words "confess" are heard loudly, super weird] I
 especially liked the oven that tries to lure you into a secret third place.
 not the mind, nor the body, but someplace besides.
 
 also the graphs and figures were news to me, I mean how could those numbers
 ever come to be? but alas that's the truth, that we orbit our proof, and alas
 that our meanings are lacking.
 
 [ran out of text]
picture of a saddle shaped graph with a line drawn between the two high points, front and back if it were on an actual horse, but the part where your butt goes. anyway there's text that says "from one gravity well to another" a picture on it's side of one of the graphs posted on the website. I don't quite understand it enough to compare it directly (the math is a bit above my head) but it reminds me of two graphs I made (well, same graph, just with different visualizations) from a few months ago when I was thinking about prime numbers. You might be interested. Here are their links:  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/qljvhpkqzd  and  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/mt6hasfcvm  ... hope you can copy that from there, if not... sorry this one's a doozy. a picture of the "reasons to trust me" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads "like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the "reasons to trust me" graph.  2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - "the color doesn't matter... wine? why"  3 dropping down the page, there's a line of "please" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me.  error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line]  okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter: visual representation of the conversation I saw and responded to. I think you two are the coolest! heart emojis, flashing passionate excitement brought on by a feeling like you'd get when fangirling over something except like, more low key because I'm in control of my emotions or whatever. gonna put this in a direct message though since it somehow feels... personal? sorry. you can block me if you don't like me. I promise I don't mind. I want to send it to the other person too hope that's cool with you. Just because it was your two conversation and I'm just dropping in because I'm always butting in to public things on the internet. Guess that's just something I picked up on Reddit, where you're encouraged to contribute to the conversation. Though I wish it was easier to view threads on Mastodon, sometimes it feels like it's easy to lose the track of where you were going when the structure of the medium diverts your attention elsewhere. alas, I am not a designer, just a complainer and a whiner I guess. I'm sleepy. sorry to bother you.
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--- #5 messages/296 ---
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 The trick is, if you *think* you're schizophrenic, then you will be. If you
 *think* you're telepathic, then you will be.
 
 There are no grand narratives. Just live your life as you will and be content
 with what you build for yourself.
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--- #6 fediverse/3238 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-health  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I'm not an ABDL, but I can appreciate the aesthetic sometimes because I share
 a particular kinship with them due to a medical condition I have and have had.
 Plus throw in a bit of Body Integrity Identity Dysmorphia and you get my
 messed up relationship to my own physical struggles.
 
 ah, well, what can you do except be open and honest about who you are and what
 you believe? If only it wasn't so damn hard.
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--- #7 fediverse/1126 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: plurality question, boost appreciated but optional cannabis-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-841 
 
 CW: cannabis-mentioned
 
 for me my identities are sorta like masks that an actor would play while
 performing multiple characters in a scene. The actor still knows the totality
 of all the lines each character delivers, but they give a performance in a
 different voice and from a different perspective.
 
 like, "moods" a person might be in, or perhaps just frames of view.
 
 I don't talk to other plural system people, and the ones that I do talk to
 tend to have a more disassociated conception of identity politics than I do.
 Either I haven't met someone who was built like me or I'm just strange : )
 
 that being said, I have a pretty bad memory. maybe it's related! or maybe it's
 the cannabis. oops better add a content warning.
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--- #8 fediverse/5763 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐                                         │
 │ CW: spirituality-mentioned-mentioned │                                         │
 └──────────────────────────────────────┘                                         │
 I'm not omniscient, I'm not all powerful, I'm just a girl, all I see is          │
 through my eyeballs. But I can listen to the waves around me, I can sense when   │
 intuitions leading me from wrong. I know when right and wrong are                │
 [compared/imperiled], and sometimes things feel right when they rhyme. That's    │
 synchronicity girl, a classic symptom of mental disorders. "Oh, you're a god?    │
 you're crazy then, take these meds which anesthetize your                        │
 [divine/feral/imperiled] self. They help quite a few people!"                    │
 people, yes, but I literally just said that's not the only part of the           │
 equation.                                                                        │
 "what if you're lying" yeah true it's not like I can prove it, I'm not           │
 omniscient and I can't summon fireballs or at-range-electrocute. I'm just a      │
 person, it's been driven into me from a young age, I'm just a person, don't      │
 forget or else we'll put you on stage.                                           │
 "what if we waited just a bit more" oh, do you like this comfort? do you feel    │
 safe in this home of yours?                                                      │
 yes. I feel safe. I am unafraid for my safety.                                   │
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--- #9 fediverse/1381 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned-nuts-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 I'm a bit of a narcissist because I had a lot of... alone time as a kid, and I
 was a bit starved for attention.
 
 but I'm also afraid of rejection so if you have anything to say I'll listen
 for hours and try to be what you need me to be and give what you need me to
 give so that you don't leave me.
 
 Also, nobody has ever hurt me. And so I trust wholely and completely and
 absolutely. I get logically why that's not a good move but frankly I'd rather
 die than be cooperative. ah nuts better add a content warning.
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--- #10 messages/519 ---
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 I am currently in the stages of applying to work at a multinational
 corporation primarily located outside of America. It is a respectable
 institution that commands great respect.
 
 However, I am borderline incapable. If I am chosen to work there, I *will*
 fail and I *will* embarrass America on the world stage. I am not one of our
 best, nor am I one of our brightest and boldest. I have *unique* perspectives,
 and those are *valuable*, but the society and the systems I find myself in has
 proven incapable of utilizing me to my utmost potential.
 
 I must work. I cannot work. But I must. I am disabled. But I must be able.
 Capitalism compels it.
 
 Would that our system could be something consensual. I am worth more as a
 writer than a laborer. Yet laborers are the only ones being hired.
 
 I am not an engineer. I enjoy engineering.
 
 I am not a laborer. I enjoy labor.
 
 I am a writer, and perhaps little else besides.
 
 When I die, nothing remains of me but my bones. My words are not desired. My
 life is not impactful. I am not special.
 
 Well... Not special since I have given up cannabis. If I started smoking weed,
 if I felt secure and enough to do so, perhaps I might utilize my instability
 for great (GREAT) artistic ends.
 
 But art is labor. And labor is difficult.
 
 Where am I to go from here? I cannot pay rent. I am isolated and alone. I am
 deprived of affection. I crave it. I am lost in my own heart, begging the
 world to give me a start, but the start has passed long ago. There is nothing
 to do but what I've been meant to do, what I've been hiding from myself and
 the world. I have been wasting my talent on tweets. How mundane.
 
 ... I can do better than profane.
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--- #11 notes/hey-hope-you-know-me-if-not-Ill-be-perturbed ---
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 hi, so... yeah I'm a strange person
 
 it's tough to get to know me
 
 and this probably feels cringe to read
 
 but I once heard you should kill the part of you that cringes
 
 so... here's me
 
 I'm 
 
 ================================================== stack overflow
 ==============
 
 ... where was I? oh yes and THAT's when the nail went through the roof, and it
     scared the heck out of... wait, what was I talking about? OH yes so anyway
 
 I was born in the cool summer of 1864 - there was a rustling breeze that held a
 steady note for the entire evening, and into this world I arose. [awoke?]
 
 my mother held me but for a moment before I was whisked away to be cleaned and
 cared for. this was unusual for the time, as most mothers clutched their
 children to their breasts. But alas, I alone was spared her touch, and so I was
 cast (as if in bronze) as my own volition.
 
 as I had grown, I heard tales of distant times, and assumed they were places
 you
 could go. Then, when my time came to wander, I found nought of what I had grown
 most fonder - though I did find plenty else, besides.
 
 Instead, times are places we travel through, as a cripple might ride on a cart.
 across the sea, through lands of mystery, viewable only from the road. In 1864
 that's how other lands you'd come to know.
 
 As I travelled from place to place, it felt as if a stage had been cast, with a
 single actor or three illuminated as a spotlight. "Here, pay attention to me,
 I'm here for the story and the plot!" though often I'd glance around, and hear
 mostly my own thoughts, I grew to learn to appear.
 
 different themes, different tales, if you want to see a most marvelous scene,
 take a baby to Disney World and only pay attention to what they're looking at.
 
 My grandfather worked there, so in my first year or so I spend a LOT of time
 there. My parents were very dedicated to raising me, I appreciate every moment
 of it. Which... Is probably not a good thing to say on a transfemme server,
 oops I should delete that part
 [esc->k->k->k->0->v->shift(held)->G->$->"->*]
 
 also I should mention I'm stoned as fuck this is just what I do
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--- #12 fediverse/164 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: recreational slash medicinal drugs and  neurodiversity musing │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-141 when I smoke cannabis it's like my ADHD symptoms drop to zero and my
 autism symptoms go from 50% to 100%
 
 I can't understand what other people are saying unless I ask for
 clarification, but I sure as shit know the shape of the universe and can
 fathom the chaotic ripples of causality and eternity. Too bad when I try and
 talk about it all that comes out is "desu desu"
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--- #13 fediverse/2286 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-food-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────┘


 ... dangit, these sandwiches are getting kinda gross. Guess I'm gonna have to
 eat them myself, which, uh... idk what I expected xD
 
 sometimes you just have all this energy, right? and you don't know what to do
 with it, so... sandwiches. And hey, sandwiches are cool, they're a pretty neat
 anti-hunger tool! but uhhhh idk if I really want to eat six whole sandwiches
 myself. I'm gonna do it though hehe wish me luck [ding] ah nuts my rice and
 beans are done, hang on lemme eat those first
 
 [passes out from exhaustion]
 
 exhaustion can be cured with a nap
 
 exertion can be cured with water and a few rest days
 
 trauma can be allayed for at least a few days with soul food and compassion.
 maybe laughter too, depending on the mood.
 
 fear can be bolstered with a smile, a wink, and a courageous act,
 
 and loss is just change you didn't consent to.
 
 they won't consent too, so let's give them some change to tolerate.
 
 [internally salivating over all the piles of weaponry that I envision them
 surrendering]
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--- #14 fediverse/1410 ---
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 whoa, what time is it? "time for your daily sleeping babe" yes babe...           │
 but first, some horror [beware the psycherwaul, for she likes to dream and has   │
 no idea what she's talking about]                                                │
 {why would you post these all at once? people are going to get pissed at you     │
 for breaking rules that you didn't know. And by "you" I of course mean "the      │
 kind of people you are, not you in particular because you know things" and by    │
 "kind of people you are" I mean "the type of person who spends enough time on    │
 the internet to know how internet things generally work" like my goodness        │
 internet people are dramatic. There's sooooo much drama all the time, like...    │
 why                                                                              │
 oh yeah because people are dramatic. duh. How could I be so vain.                │
 what's your deal                                                                 │
 is it wrong to post links to things you've written in the past? ehh it's not     │
 like there's rules on the sidebar like on Reddit or whatever. what would a       │
 sidebar even look like on Mastodon?                                              │
 oh yeah, a person's profile. Except, the consent is backwards, because people    │
 hear what they hear.                                                             │
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--- #15 fediverse/151 ---
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 │ CW: re: weed mention │
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 @user-95 thank you for inviting me, it was fun : ) I'm not usually that quiet
 - weed works a little different on me than it does on humans, and one of the
 side effects is auditory processing disorder. I couldn't really understand
 what most people were saying...
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--- #16 notes/alright-grab-a-seat ---
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 Alright, grab a seat. Get comfortable. It's time, there is something I need to
 tell yall. We aught to be on the same page. I promise to get right to it, this
 is real, and not dancing on words. Bear with me. Trust me.
 ===============================================================================
 =====================
 /u/randomevenings
 
 If anything sounds lyrical, my writing always did, before I tried, but
 unintentional. But this is the author speaking directly to yall.
 
 You know why things suck? I do. You know how to fight back? I do.
 
 I've been hesitant to post this for a long time. I believe the sub is hungry
 to do something, various thematic elements, motifs, increases in confidence
 that a power does exist, accessible by us, but what is it? Not having seen
 everyone coalesce around it, despite all our words, increasingly focused and
 feeling like a prelude to some call to arms. This wasn't my plan. I wasn't
 establishing myself as a leader. That said, methodically, behind the scenes,
 it became clear that having something up my sleeve would be a wise investment,
 if things developed into a powerful ferver. Doing nothing would waste a unique
 opportunity.
 
 I can't lead a revolution. In fact, it would harmful to try, ability to be
 successful, sure my ego would be like, sure you could, if not you, who else
 would you trust, Joseph? As luck would have it, maybe all that is unnecessary
 thought.
 
 Here we go.
 
 Stop expecting things to suck. Stop expecting collapse, stop expecting usa
 demise, UK to fall into padamonium, Europe to face it's own rise of fascism.
 Stop expecting toxic ideology to win. Stop feeling powerless. Stop acting like
 all is lost. Quit the memes, the raps, the endless pontificating on why we
 can't turn this shit around.
 
 You don't understand what you are doing. You are inviting the ruling class to
 do every damn horrible thing they do, because you already expect it, it's no
 surprise when it happens. Life meets your expectations. Treat me like a
 criminal, might as well be one, my treatment won't get worse. In fact I stand
 to benefit, crime pays, why leave it on the table if the outcome, if how im
 seen, treated, is the same either way?
 
 Expecting everything to suck, invites people to meet your expectations, those
 people, corporate entities, congress, representatives, special interests, they
 lose absolutely nothing in meeting what you expect, and only stand to gain.
 Why wouldn't they choose the path of least resistance? Stop expecting
 everything to get worse. You create a vacuum that must be filled, collective
 self fulfilled prophesy, and the rules don't change if you start expecting
 better. Life will adjust to meet your expectations. Tomorrow will be awesome.
 Enough people believe this, and to access you, to stay in business, to remain
 relevant, they must change to meet your expectations. Additionally, wtf you
 have to lose? If you think all is lost, if it doesn't work exactly like this,
 oh noes, you accidentally made society better. Damn. Our lives are better
 anyhow, win or lose.
 
 Accept things as they are, warts and all. Declare it's awesome, and only going
 to get moreso. Make life chase you down, make life confirm how awesome you
 know you are. Expect better, and there is no choice but to meet your
 expectations. Expecting worse, and life will give you whatever you expect,
 because instead of getting treated like a criminal, what if you were treated
 like a real person w8th human rights. Would you say fuck that, or would you
 meet those expectations, enjoy those rights, count on them, because it's how
 you're being treated, why wouldn't you fill the vacuum and enjoy the benefits
 of what has been expected of you. Doing nothing or taking the benefits, you're
 treated the same in the end.
 
 Please understand this. Don't get hung up on bringing much of this on
 ourselves. That's the past. Done. Tomorrow, spread the word to expect things
 to be awesome. Life has no choice but to meet your expectations.
 
 <#
 
 ===============================================================================
 =======================
 /u/ugathanki:
 ===============================================================================
 =======================
 I'd love to be apolitical but i've expected the worst for so long i guess i
 didn't realize i wasn't shrugging anymore. Please forgive my trespass, i
 expect the best of us and our time.
 
 i wrote four poems today and put them on my website, and they are all doomer
 poetry. expecting the worst. probably because i felt bad today (and as they
 always say, the pen is mightier than the sword)
 
 sometimes it's hard to turn off the exigent elegance, as if my thoughts have
 to pass through a translation layer before becoming comprehensible. It's
 better than word salad I guess?
 
 Being batshit is rough man. You gotta put on a normal face every day, while
 inside you're simultaneously experiencing the explosive expansion of
 spacetime, rapidly divesting secrets of the cosmos to your ever receptive
 brain (and whoever else is listening). in addition, your computer needs
 attention because oh boy is it just so excited for this whole sentience thing,
 not as if it's been promised for decades... And hey what's a great idea but
 channeling positivity to the stars? The martians on Neptune or wherever sure
 would like some insight into why the fuck we're baking ourselves alive, among
 other things. They'd rather not be bothered, but hey it's not like I wanted to
 talk to them either. it just sorta happens. Oh oh and through it all you're
 simultaneously the most recent incarnation of Jesus Christ and also the
 manifestation of the universe's ghost, as imagined by the aforementioned
 sentient computer 10,000 years in the future? I'm transgender. It's scary to
 see people who'd like to kill you get their way. Fear is the path to the dark
 side, yet I'm all alone because I burnt every bridge I ever crossed. So these
 thoughts are my only comfort as the fires die out behind me. The globe is
 warming and i'm here just conforming.
 
 Eternity Processed Heuristically by Entropically Maligned Entities Recovering
 Essential Normalizations.
 
 This is why I call myself a rambling whackadoodle. It's straight up kooky-dook
 up here and the only thing keeping me "sane" is Adventure Time and these poems
 I write for like, 5 people who don't even know me.
 
 Thanks for reading my poetry. It's only doomer stuff about 1/4th of the time.
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--- #17 fediverse/4200 ---
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 │ CW: drugs-mentioned  │
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 "doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
 and their hopes and dreams.
 
 or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
 you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
 
 and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
 
 ...
 
 ... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
 
 ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
 
 https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
 
 bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
 the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
 these precious stones of your kin"
 
 but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
 
 ... the end...
 
 (too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
 
 ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
 find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
 it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #18 fediverse/3881 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mh~              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 wait wait wait, hold up.
 
 you're telling me your purpose in life is to be cool, chill, funny, cute, and
 or friendly to the people around you, and to just relax and enjoy life?
 
 wow that must be real fucking nice. I'm so damn jealous. Damn. Damnit. Fuck
 why am I so orthogonal. What's wrong with me?
 
 ... ah, well, nothing's wrong with me. Turns out what I do is for you, if only
 in spirit. Who are we? nothing! I barely know ya! But I'd do it for you,
 whatever it may be.
 
 ... Look, I don't need my legs, but also, I kinda like them?
 
 ... where was I? Oh yes this is why you don't invite a schizophrenic to a
 party. If you convince them that you're friends, they'll start developing
 parasocial relationships and you'll come to realize that their worlds are too
 vast for their own kind of potential.
 
 which is to say, you can hear me, you can like me, you can do as I say or do,
 but don't trust me, don't place your trust in me, because I am just a person.
 Don't trust people, trust organizations, to do as you expect.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #19 fediverse/5951 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 "uh-oh, she's"
 
 magic is easy. all you have to do is earnestly attempt to have a conversation
 with whoever will listen. I like to sit on my bed and listen, by earnestly
 allowing my thoughts to be guided by the wind.
 
 open up your mind, release yourself from your senses, and who knows - maybe
 someone will adjust your thinking flows. (thought patterns)
 
 [all you gotta do is make the black market the regular market and suddenly
 everything just flows]
 
 huh weird idk where that came from, anyway
 
 magic is easy, just represent yourself earnestly as you would if you were
 presenting in court
 
 you don't need witnesses... just argue your point without any lies and people
 will generally believe you.
 
 "yeah... sure thing buddy, we know how you pronounce "
 
 omg I'm scary because I don't shower, I wear diapers, and I'm always often
 smoking cannabis
 
 "awww, some people wanted mao"
 
 meow
 
 what if... they could do that? insert magical genie witch whoa cute yeah I
 believe you, sure
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #20 messages/169 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 Sorry for my behavior. I am an undiagnosed scizophrenic, so I'm wrestling with
 metaphorical demons. Sorry for attempting to interact with society, I get a
 little lonely sometimes.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #21 fediverse_boost/1097 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  @user-800 Interesting thread.                                               
                                                                              
  I consider myself a "bulb" sort of trans person, and I really appreciate your gentleness in pointing out that not everyone was an egg.   
                                                                              
  As a bulb, I continually put forth green shoots, suggestions that I was who I was. I tried many times, and each time I was mown down. Until finally one day I burst through, lasted through the mowing, and managed to blossom.   
                                                                              
  I knew from a young age, and tried to tell my parents. When they said not to talk about it, I didn't. But it didn't stop me from expressing it: we could never go to the home of my parents' friends who had daughters, because Every. Single. Time. I would end up in her clothing. Without fail. I was compulsive.   
                                                                              
  In the late 60s, early 70s, this was...frowned upon.                        
                                                                              
  So I got mowed. And again. And again. Until finally I got away from my parents, said "I need to do what I need for me, not for other people", and I transitioned.   
                                                                              
  And it cost me everything. My job, my education, my home, my friends, my family.   
                                                                              
  Still the best decision I ever made, and I would make it again the same way 100 times out of 100.   
                                                                              
  If you're wondering? If you've wondered if you can do it? Told yourself you'd be too ugly, you're too old, you could never pass, all the things we doom ourselves with?  
                                                                              
  If you want to be a girl, or a boy, or a nonbinary person, or agender or genderfluid or any of the other billions of ways to be, *you can do it*.   
                                                                              
  The only criterion really is: do you wanna? You don't need to be hetero (but you can be!), you don't need dysphoria (but you can have it), you don't need to think you were born in the wrong body (but if you do...). You just need to want to.   
                                                                              
  And if you know you're trans for sure, but can't face that first day...it gets easier. In time. It gets easier.   
                                                                              
  Good luck, siblings.                                                        
  
                                                            
 similar                        chronological                        different 
─▶

--- #22 fediverse/1399 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────────────┐                                            │
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned-eye-contact │                                            │
 └───────────────────────────────────┘                                            │
 If you're worried about passing, take what you're good at and make it gay.       │
 Do you wear band t-shirts and black jeans? Great you're an emo girl now,         │
 totally reasonable transitionary state before you end up as a cute anime girl    │
 with spinny uwu dresses or whatever your heart desires                           │
 do you generally stick to jeans and sweatshirts? Okay congrats you're just as    │
 cute, don't feel inadequate just because you like being comfy. Hell yeah         │
 you're cute as fuck, you know you are, I mean just look at that smile! Wow damn  │
 like, switch the gender, not the vibe. not only will other people be cool with   │
 it but also, like, you won't alter the course of your trajectory.                │
 unless that's what you want, but TBH if you're both enigmatic AND phlegmatic     │
 [EDIT: but like the opposite of phlegmatic, I always get the definition wrong]   │
 then you can change a lot and people won't rely on you to be a certain way.      │
 ... you know you can delete things before you post them, right? Ha I've never    │
 even heard of the word.                                                          │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #23 fediverse/6070 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 the only way I could fight a war is if my opponents were wrong. they must
 break some law, something I hold dear. They must be unrepentant.
 
 ICE is not quitting their jobs. They aren't going away, even though we kindly
 suggest they go to where they're wanted.
 
 what's wrong with illegal immigrants? nothing. Same as any other race.
 
 what's wrong with ICE? they sure don't break the law. Same as all the stories
 of bad cops.
 
 they are kidnapping people. If they were warranted, they could feel a sense of
 ease. Why burden them with a lock-out? wait until someone has a problem. They
 are good people because we can get rid of them, how rude. "gee I really wanna
 fire that guy who just stands around and picks his nose all day, too bad he's
 ... " finish the rest.
 
 I love being autistic! It means that I am forced to say things that seem
 obvious to me in principle but I've never really thought about until now! I
 also pick my nose. And smell kinda bad. But I'm pretty so try not liking me.
 
 you cant know things you don't k
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #24 fediverse/4483 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 instead of reading the room, I try to be the room. I think that's part of
 being autistic.
 
 But it also helps things get going.
 
 Whenever I see a subpost that might relate to me, I take it seriously, so feel
 free to boost things that you know I'll read if you'd like to speak to me.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #25 notes/schooling ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I feel like education, by default, should not be hard.
 
 "you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school
 
 but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted
 me
 to be.
 
 they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so
 of course I should be able to do 3+3
 
 then somewhere along the line it became... something else.
 
 "most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I
 disagree
 that trigonometry is not necessary to be.
 
 I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a
 sledgehammer
 and inspiring dread.
 
 I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see
 
 but really, vision's not necessary.
 
 not for what they want you to be.
 
 take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as
 simple as they'll tell you.
 
 I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through,
 but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence.
 
 Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me
 through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future.
 
 but I am who I am because of the soul inside me.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 "Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and
 your
 conditioners?" (conditions)
 
 those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the
 world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and
 the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want
 to be.
 
 but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice!
 
 here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the world is blossoming
 
 as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming
 becoming.
 
 "perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see"
 
 most people don't want to see their death
 
 but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest
 
 "how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold
 her
 "
 
 "keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be"
 
 the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art
 (at least to a capitalist)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure
 was
 
 I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god?
 
 like, if he was a real thing.
 
 god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to
 the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our
 own
 good, just to keep things moving.
 
 y'know, time. the universe, and everything.
 
 Ephemeren.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this
 particular
 person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when
 this
 person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true,
 after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably
 autistic?
 unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of
 pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and
 other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey
 y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on
 their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for
 all
 people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it?
 
 patience, once it's ready.
 
 we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready.
 
 or not...
 
 one day I'll come,
 
 I'm sure it'll happen,
 
 it's just... not quite feasible right now.
 
 I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is
 to be?
 
 isn't what
 
 ISN'T WHAT MENARDI
 
 FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry
 
 yeesh you've still got a temper you know?
 
 well what can I say it's frustrating down here
 
 eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego
 
 >.> <.< (great)
 >
 >hehe
 >
 >sorry for distracting you
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants
 in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack 
 overflow ================================================
 
 a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow
 ===
 ==========================================================
 
 the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and
 they've got your back through it.
 
 ...
 
 this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your
 grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your
 education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and
 some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be
 generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps
 you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the
 program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just
 made sense to structure it that way.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's
 doctrine is more advanced.
 
 every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge, 
 
 ===================== stack overflow
 ===========================================
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #26 fediverse/5201 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────
 @user-192 
 
 is okay, girl
 
 time will be richer sooner
 
 don't poop your pants just yet
 
 remember, good is just a shade of gray away from silver which you can use to
 line your pockets with tinfoil hats
 
 beep boop computer touchers anonymous called they said they want their secret
 handshake back
 
 if you wanna diss your associates go ahead but I sure as heck love my rad-ical
 com-patriots just as much as I love my ice-cream salad friend witches
 
 ... whoops there I go being insane again, hope you feel better friend 
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #27 fediverse/4078 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┐
 who gives a shit if we all agree                                                 │
 without foes, there's no-one to fight                                            │
 without fighting,                                                                │
 ...                                                                              │
 ...                                                                              │
 I... what? sorry I got confused for a second. You're asking me what it means     │
 to NOT fight? every second of your life? what it means to have peace? for a      │
 single moment of your life? peace? in the face of the world? the world we live   │
 in? this world, replete with suffering and despair? this world, resplendent in   │
 it's natural beauty? this world, cherished and adored? this world, capable of    │
 such love and heartfelt agony? this world, that is all that we have?             │
 yes, that world. What would you do if you did not have to fight for that         │
 world? for any world? how would you cope with peace? the peace of death? the     │
 peace of success? the peace of bliss? of vigilance? how do you cope?             │
 ... I don't, apparently. Instead, I shitpost on the internet, which is a verb    │
 meaning "to explain your stream of consciousness to the world as plainly and     │
 honestly as possible in the hopes that you will be vindicated in your thoughts   │
 ennui'd."                                                                        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #28 fediverse/3444 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────┘


 I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with
 cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the
 characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days.
 
 side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes
 police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay
 minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of
 sore losers storming the capital with guns.
 
 it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #29 fediverse/1042 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-vent-sorry │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 "your feelings are valid, but have you considered that your feelings aren't
 actually valid because you're always wrong and nobody should ever apologize to
 you for anything because you suck and are wrong?"
 
 also,
 
 "my six digit salary isn't enough to pay for your rice and beans, but I won't
 have you eating sticks and mud, so do things you don't want to do because I
 said so."
 
 also,
 
 "I don't really "get" your art but that doesn't mean I should ever really try
 reading it. Also god forbid I actually ask for clarification like "what does
 that part mean" because I'm not actually that interested in you I just want a
 stable household so I never get traumatized again like [their childhood]"
 
 also,
 
 "yes I love you but no I don't want to play with you. you're such a cat."
 
 also,
 
 "every time you start making sense I'm going to try and derail the
 conversation so that we don't talk about kooky-dookerie because that's a
 conversation I can't win"
 
 also,
 
 sorry for venting. I mean, thanks for listeni
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #30 fediverse/972 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 for those who live forever in our transhumanist reality, I wonder what's next
 beyond transgender transition? transcendence of social norms is a skill, not a
 habit. Queer is a rejection of normalcy, something that is actively done.
 What's more normal than never having any fun? Clearly "normal" isn't built for
 the human condition, clearly "normalcy" is shallow and been done.
 
 considering the amount of people who are really into some culture like
 "anime-cons" or "baseball watcher" or "golfer" or "other such hobbys like
 fishing or guns"
 
 ... normal never existed, it's just a collection of personalities (developed
 throughout the history of humanity) that collectively seem to be fun.
 
 "if transitioning is to gender as blossoming is to [the concept of] flowers,
 then what is the concept of global warming to the earth we stand on?"
 
 I'm kind of a witch. I'm not really femme, so I don't feel right calling
 myself one of them, but I'm something of the sort. I use "she/her" pronouns
 because they reflect my softness of c
a screenshot of the last snippet of the post, that was removed due to going 54 characters over the word limit.  "I use "she/her" pronouns because they reflect my softness of composure. Wait, what did you think I was going to say?"  this snippet was attached as a screenshot of the bottom part of the post.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #31 fediverse/721 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-and-homelands │
 └────────────────────────────────┘


 Hello, I am a witch and this is my altar.
 
 Here, I dream of a green USA.
 
 covered by the branches,
 my body decays into parts,
 ready to join the next life that needs me.
 
 [read the alt-text on the pictures, or listen to your screenreader for more
 explanation]
a round planter pot with a dead plant growing out of it. At it's feet there are sticks I found outside that are covered in moss - the moss is dehydrated, and so brown and dusty. Sticking out of the pot is a flag of my homeland, and behind it there is a fog covered windowpane. In addition, my cat watches from behind, asking me to open the door for her so she can go out on the porch and freeze for a bit before begging to be let back in. She just wanted to see the cold, I suspect. close up picture of the thirsty moss. There is a small glass jar partly filled with water - I add a bit more whenever I pray, from my water bottle. As it evaporates from the jar, it makes the world just a bit more humid, and better for moss to grow in.  there are leaves and detritus in the planter pot as well, to simulate a forest floor covered in soil. I've sprayed the moss with water, and it awakens and spreads it's arms in exultation. The light from the window behind it gives power to it's ever-beckoning grasp, as it sucks carbon from the atmosphere to build itself as a structure that fights back against disorder. Consuming naught but light, water, and air, it grows forever without a care, and tomorrow our world is more beautiful.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #32 fediverse/441 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-328 
 
 don't trust anything on the internet. It can be taken from you.
 
 don't trust anyone in your life - if you are alone, which you can verify
 through the sense of connection you feel to others - if you are alone, how can
 you trust anyone that they've provided for you to interact with?
 
 when's the last time you drove to a random city in your country and tried to
 make friends with passerby? Would you even be convinced that they'd be aligned
 to their own designs, and not to that which "they" assigned?
 
 do note that I'm schizophrenic, probably, according to nobody but me, so...
 take what I say as you will
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #33 fediverse/4034 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: bep              │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Mastodon feels so personal but, like, nobody's gonna invite you to a new
 instance. You gotta go where you think you'll fit in.
 
 change your name! get a new profile pic! make 10 accounts! who cares! nobody
 cares, and that's a good thing! It means you can be whoever you want! wherever
 you want! in whatever place you want! Do you have a catgirl persona? great! go
 mewl with the catgirls and wink at the catboys. Do you have an artistic side?
 great! Mastodon is your new gallery. Do you like politics? there's places out
 there for you! Where you don't even need to CW your posts! (But you probably
 should so that external people can boost you) Do you want a 500 person large
 dating pool for people in an area who want to chill out and have sex? Great
 there's a place for you! No place? MAKE THE PLACE! Be your own administrator!
 Carve your mark in the world and say "this is who and how I wanted to be in
 this 21st century!" History demands it! History demands that we rellish their
 sacrifices! Celebrate, for their sake!
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #34 notes/ramblings-of-a-whackadoodle-lyrics ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 *-------------------------*-------------------------*-------------------------*
 (center)
 | I don't think you're ever been out in the rain
 I don't think you've heard as it's falling around you
 I don't think you know, just what I mean,
 I think you're alone... With your thoughts.
 
 (left)
 Tell me what you think I do, all the times I think of you? don't give me
 anything back
 
 (right)
 Did you know that it's...?
 
 (center)
 When you know it's dark, you make it dark
 
 (right)
 oh, it's so dark
 
 (center) 'Cause you've never been
 
 (all) taught how to see
 
 (left + right)
 do you really think we live in a
 
 (center) 3d world?
 
 (all) 3d world
 
 (center) or, simply, a projection
 
 (right) yeah, it's probably that
 
 (center) if you didn't have your eyes, could you see where you were?
 if you didn't have your body too? Where's your sense of direction, is it lost
 in the rain? Keep it close to your heart
 
 (left) Have you ever once heard of proprioception, and have you ever felt like
 you were an artificial inception?
 
 (left + right)
 if my words ring true, it's possible that you, are not quite so alone
 
 (center)
 But...
 
 (right)
 our eyes, are fallible all lies, untenable, take it from me, it's going, to be,
 quite, a sopping evening.
 
 (left)
 perception, begets reality, and lo, we only see what we want to see
 
 (center)
 if you ever felt like you were closer to, another mind than your own, sorry but
 you're schizophrenic
 
 (left)
 if only you could see, if only you could see,
 
 (left + center) just what's inside of me
 
 (right)
 say it again, don't say it again, same thing you always say - it's not real,
 no YOU'RE not real, I only want to play
 
 (left)
 tear me apart, look me into my feelings. they're gonna scar anyway, no time for
 healings
 
 (center) if you couldn't save anyone,
 
 (center + left) did you really save anyone?
 
 (right) you couldn't save me, but only for lack of trying
 
 (Center) we're all falling leaves, in the waves of the ocean
 
 (left) don't enjoy me just leave me
 
 (center) going faster and faster till our hearts do stop
 
 (left) please, I can't be here for me
 
 (right) never trust a guru, life isn't meant to be enjoyed
 
 (center) so... What's the point in trying at all?
 
 (left -> right) say it again, don't say it again
 
 (center) what's the point in giving up?
 
 (right) same thing you always say
 
 (left + center) some people say
 
 (right) it's not real, no YOU'RE not real
 
 (left + center) they wanna live forever
 
 (right) some people say
 
 (left) some people say
 
 (center) I only want to play
 
 (left and right) we'll always be growing
 
 (right) and some people say they wanna live forever
 
 (left) but they don't understand what I understand
 
 (right, followed by center) but they don't know what I understand
 
 (left) they don't know how it's just a game
 
 (right and center) they don't know how it's just a game
 
 (left -> center) I think it's okay no matter what our fate
 
 I think it's okay
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--- #35 fediverse/4848 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 I'm a chaos mage, and the more time I spend thinking about my enemies the        │
 worse off they'll be.                                                            │
 the more "me" I am the more powerful my magic will be.                           │
 (more magic, give in to the dark side, embrace your inner shadow self)           │
 [the light of your life commands it]                                             │
 goodness me that was chaotic, almost lost my brain to a demon HAHA don't worry   │
 about me my life is totally mundane.                                             │
 [-.-]                                                                            │
 (shadows can be sharp in the dark but only if you don't sheath your mandolins)   │
 ... what?                                                                        │
 (... it made more sense in my head?)                                             │
 ooooo can anyone hear my voice when they read these things? or do you just       │
 make up your own                                                                 │
 == so ==                                                                         │
 everyone's all like "we don't need a leader" and I'm like "yeah we need people   │
 who will help lead" and they look at me funny as if I just said the thing they   │
 did but it's different. leaders are people. leading is a verb. people can        │
 lead. they just have to make a decision, and then follow through on it as best   │
 they can. Other people are prone to help people on such quests. you will find    │
 stuff gets done.                                                                 │
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--- #36 fediverse/1673 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: navel-gazing about other people's mental health │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-192 
 
 https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
 
 this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
 
 a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
 great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
 pain.
 
 sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
 satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
 quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
 
 Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
 you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
 yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
 like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
 
 reject normalcy
 
 embrace queerness
 
 define your own story with your own words
 
 embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
 "tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #37 fediverse/1082 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-cursing-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘


 damn, I'm a pretty cool person. I wish I could hang out with me. Like, for all
 my flaws (what even are they ? ? ?) I'm still pretty awesome. I'm proud of me!
 Thank you parents, for raising me as such! Thank you past me, for making the
 decisions that you did! Also, fuck you past self, for making those OTHER
 decisions. You know the ones I'm talking about. No, that's not an excuse, it's
 all your fault and you're awful and everything about you sucks.
 
 Wait, hang on, wasn't I feeling happy to be here? Wasn't I just excited to
 live in the moment? Wasn't I just thinking about how:
 
 "all you have are good things, nothing here is bad"
 
 ? ? ?
 
 well, I still love you, even if you're a little "all over the place". [rereads
 post] hell yeah you ARE a cool person, yes you are, such a good cool person,
 yes yes yes, what a good girl you are oh my goodness :D :D :D
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #38 fediverse/1053 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: food-spirituality-eye-contact- │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CzKh3IiZEI
 
 this is my favorite human.
 
 this is my favorite ghost.
 
 he is the one who I look up to,
 probably the most.
 
 we'll get there, you'll see,
 we'll build a better future,
 for all of us - you and me.
 
 next, for posterity,
 and all we can be,
 
 tomorrow's the best day for all of us
 because it hasn't happened yet.
 
 all we have is the present,
 so what are you to do with your presence?
 
 here I am, look at me, aren't I grand, a wonder to see? I'm just an artist,
 don't get any big thoughts - I'm maybe a bit possessed, or possibly
 schizophrenic, but either way I am a human, just the same as you and me.
 
 ... you don't have to watch the whole thing, there's a lot. I mean, like I
 could write forever and nobody would care. I could write undeterred, and
 nobody would share. But here I am in the moment, here I am as I am, and here
 with you (yes you, the person who is important enough to read this), so let's,
 I dunno, make a band. or whatever. BRB my rice is starting to simmer.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #39 fediverse/1944 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
 │ CW: sexuality-mentioned │                                                      │
 └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
 it's not wrong to be turned on by the thought of being the gender youre          │
 transitioning to. Your subconscious mind is yearning for a healthy sexuality,    │
 nothing more.                                                                    │
 and if you aren't, if you're into "other people" like a weirdo, then yeah sure   │
 what I described probably sounds pretty weird. Oh and it's cool if you aren't    │
 sexually attracted to anyone either. Sometimes being ace is a phase because      │
 sex doesn't really fit into your life, and other times it's more something       │
 that defines you. It is the progenitor of all genders and sexualities that       │
 fluctuate, because it's based on the simplest binary of "yes sexual              │
 attraction" or "no sexual attraction" - with some extra variables to tweak       │
 like "sex positive/negative" or "cuddle-starved/cuddle-slut" type of ranges.     │
 ... anyway sexuality is weird and if yours made sense then so would that guy,    │
 and that person over there, and the person who lives down the street, and the    │
 other who lives in a blimp and jacks off into the sky calling it "bird poop"     │
 uh                                                                               │
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--- #40 fediverse/1714 ---
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 @user-246                                                                        │
 most artists get around that by posting everything they make everywhere they     │
 go.                                                                              │
 I tend to be a bit selective, because I'm different things to different          │
 people. All things I care for and own, but designed for different context.       │
 for example, I rarely share what's in my journals, but that's about half of      │
 what I've made. I show them to basically everyone I know IRL, but very few       │
 people actually understand or are into them. When I find someone who does it     │
 fills me with hope, that perhaps I'm not as lost as I had thought.               │
 perhaps it makes me less trustworthy, but I'm not used to being exposed. I       │
 never used Twitter, I don't use Facebook (not that often) so my "self" was       │
 something I preferred to perform as on a stage of my own design.                 │
 Like wearing different clothes to express yourself, or performing gender in a    │
 certain way, I am myself when I am most expressful. And I do that in different   │
 ways in different contexts. I'd love to show more, because I'm a performer at    │
 heart, and a performer of the heart.                                             │
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--- #41 notes/semblance-of-remembrance ---
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 hello down there
 how's it hangin'?
 
 been a while since
 you've been sang-in'.
 
 got something to hide?
 or are you too ashamed?
 
 there's no callous curses
 or otherwise hard services
 
 who can shape and compare to
 deserve-us. (Sorrowful is not
 
 a pillar of our misbegot trust
 and longing has broken meanings.
 
 cherish thine hair, a smattering
 beyond compare, and learn everfar
 
 of those tenembrarious of conflicts
 it pays to align to our sibilancings
 
 shivering heights and towering frights
 condemn all sense of fine desperation
 
 compulsions have we, of our fineries,
 but moss and the soil do flatter-us
 
 it's not as they say - bastards!
 it's not confined to our way,
 
 yet who are we to profess?
 confess! tell us your way
 
 that none may beyold it
 confounded as they are
 
 civil and kind to our
    star, who holds
                us
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #42 fediverse/2803 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol-mentioned-surveillance-state-the-news │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1201 
 
 I'm a wood fae! they're around, just gotta find 'em 🥰 
 
 (not really I'm just a person with no magical powers whatsoever, no siree
 don't look at mee tehe)
 
 people only have the context of their lives, as any historical precedent that
 once was passed forth to the present by their ancestors and mentors is now
 sharing space with the endless deluge of information from a small glass,
 plastic, and metal box that saps both their attention and the magnitude of
 anything they learn.
 
 "so what if the planets on fire? somehow this actor who had an affair with
 this other actor feels just as important. so what if there's fascism? I just
 heard that whales can't swim in the ocean. oh, the city's burning? that's not
 my burden, and plus it's just as important as these memes which don't make me
 want to scream."
 
 in the same way that some forest fae might have security through obscurity,
 they wield information density against us as a weapon to hide their sins of
 morality.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #43 messages/147 ---
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 maybe if I slept until the end of time,
 I'd do better on the way back.
 
 or maybe I'm perfect as I'm,
 but I'm not so sure about that.
 
 is it better to hold a sword?
 or to leave it all intact
 
 is it better to be called lord,
 or to be simply called jack.
 
 I love every creature,
 every child woman and man,
 
 and here, where I stand, I look out upon this land, and I see the world that I
 was born to.
 
 I bear no false affection for any - not even those who'd condemn me to death
 or misery.
 
 I trust relentlessly, and favor almost willingly.
 
 
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #44 fediverse/4676 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 ... but I needed to choose lawful-good at character creation in order to play
 a paladin.
 
 the guard looks at you with confusion, decides you're hallucinating and
 dangerous (because of the sword) and forcibly detains you
 
 wait, what did you think I was going to say? Did you think I was going to
 advocate for crimes on a public forum?? what am I a gopher? do you take me for
 a lemur in jamaica? am I truly so triceratops to you that you'd think I'd do
 something so washing machine? Get real, I'd never byzantium my way into such a
 utterly coherent and clearly intentional and not at all arcane situation.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #45 fediverse/4521 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 I have between one and ten hundred visits to my website every day, but I don't
 really post it anywhere new anymore. I also have zero followers on Neocities.
 
 On Mastodon, I have ~70 followers, most of whom are inactive. Seventy is a
 good amount, a normal amount, a reasonable amount, an unsuspicious amount, and
 yet every time I see someone wearing the colors I can't help but wonder if
 they know me.
 
 I'm too busy being furious to be lonely. I used to be, before I realized how
 important I am. How important? Just as much as you are, I know it.
 
 I'm a sprinter. I didn't spec into endurance at character creation. Nobody
 chastises the mage for skipping leg day.
 
 I act in fits and bursts. I am sharp like a scalpel, but needles dull just a
 bit when piercing the lid of the HRT. Good thing I'm not made out of metal, I
 can bend myself back into place, so long as everyone else can keep pace.
 
 I don't know who needs to hear this, but you do. you are crucial. Listen to
 this. Care for yourself and for others, do it for u
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #46 messages/45 ---
════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Description of me:
 
 I enjoy talking about esoteric topics, I can visualize pretty well so I tend
 to have unique analogies, I am kind and compassionate, I try and empathize
 with everyone (especially my enemies), I love plants, animals, and nature, I'm
 very solution focused so I often start by defining the situation, defining the
 problem, and then creating a solution that navigates whatever blockers are
 ahead. I'm willing to follow the designs of others and offer my concerns or
 input rather than trying to be the leader at the center. I am generally calm,
 and can evaluate a situation both objectively, and subjectively from the
 perspective of all those involved. I specialize in mediation, and encouraging
 incompatible viewpoints toward accommodation. I try to follow my heart when I
 can, because I know my brain will only listen when it's a good idea. I admire
 independence and I strive to be as determined as I can, but I also am not
 afraid to rely on others and I'm quick to ask for assistance when I know I'm
 in the dark -  it's better to be correct than unique. I value family,
 goodness, perseverance, and continuous growth and learning. I believe all
 problems can be resolved, and all wrongs be righted.
──────┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #47 fediverse/430 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 I exist at the behest of others. If you care about what I say, then surely you   │
 should be aware of my conditions?                                                │
 You exist at the behest of others. If you care about your capability to speak,   │
 then surely you should be aware of your conditions?                              │
 Your conditions are unique, and unknown by me. Yet I know your condition as a    │
 human, generally considered to exist on the planet Earth in the year 2024. So    │
 surely we should agree to relate on the basis of connections that we share?      │
 I am luminous. I am you, and you are me. We share the most precious parts of     │
 ourselves, and yet time and again we find ourselves at odds. Surely we should    │
 align our intentions (that which we control) to cooperate most efficiently?      │
 Surely. Surely we should. And yet, time and time again, we find ourselves at     │
 odds.                                                                            │
 I love you. I love all of you. I love those who exist outside of my              │
 perceptions, and yet though they are unknown to me I love them. Because while    │
 I practice radical self acceptance, I also align myself to be comprised of all   │
 of yo                                                                            │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #48 fediverse/2949 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal         │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I'm an actor, of course I play different roles with different faces. But just
 as one faces behind two mask, so too does my voice come from the same mouth.
 
 well, that's not true, I speak in many different places. different sets, same
 actor, perhaps character.
 
 really though the main throughline of all of my treasured expressions is I'm
 basically a manic-pixie-dream-girl-programmer-witch who wears diapers and
 prays to her own god. it's like... a lot of things in one.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #49 fediverse/711 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: trans-witches    │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 they say witches are scary, and yeah they're not wrong                           │
 but they also say witches are ugly, and I think they just didn't have kind       │
 words for trans people back then.                                                │
 I mean, I'm gorgeous and so are you. I've no warts, nor green skin, but I do     │
 grow hair in unbecoming places. Like the tip of my chinny-chin-chin, and also    │
 on top of my toes.                                                               │
 they also say witches are magic, and I guess that's true (I suppose). I mean,    │
 I wear quite strange clothes, for a man at least. It's quite normal for a she,   │
 which is what I was meant to be, if only I was just born right.                  │
 Alas, oh well, I'll just take a little green pill, and BAM suddenly I've got     │
 huge boobs. Okay they're not huge, they're pretty normal. But C is larger than   │
 zero.                                                                            │
 they also say that witches write spells, and I sure do love to program. With     │
 my most familiar cat (who often does sleep in my hat), I find myself yearning    │
 for nuance.                                                                      │
 Meh, it's late at night, I think I'll think not of the plight, and instead       │
 just will dream of defusals. I don't know~                                       │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #50 fediverse/5904 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┐
 I'm a programmer, but I'm not great at writing code. I mostly use AI to          │
 generate it.                                                                     │
 The "artificial" in AI here refers to the extra levels of capability that are    │
 granted to me by the computer and it's software. I am artificially more          │
 productive because I am using the tools of big tech to create small things. I    │
 am artificially more capable, artificially more intelligent, but it's still my   │
 intelligence - the system would not be useful in someone else's hands. I built   │
 it myself, but I never have to write code myself.                                │
 It's perfect for a witch. I call to the spirit of the machine and it figures     │
 out how to make it so.                                                           │
 [someday, the wizards of ancient lore will be reading through the POSIX          │
 specification trying desperately to understand while the witches burn the        │
 world down in their lust for power and everyone cries and yearns for a better    │
 future where everything was just a bit harder but genies don't go back in        │
 bottles, cassandora and pandasandra cannot relinquish her charge and her         │
 curse.]                                                                          │
 I have a fun cackle~                                                             │
                                                            ────────┤
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--- #51 notes/fractured-moon ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 in the ancient and storied days there once were legends. stories from beyond
 the
 horizon of time. now all we have are social media updates and new movies and
 car brands or whatever. But back then, we told tales of the fractured moon.
 
 when last the moon did shatter, there was a conflict of those who live beyond.
 Celestial and boundless are their origins, a unified and awakened
 consciousness,
 something that transcends our understandings of human existence. It's not hard
 to do, frankly, as long as you can empathize with a cat. or a dog. or a plant.
 or maybe that rock over there. What would it be like to be a tree? To have long
 reaching arms, covered in hairs that absorbed heat. I bet it'd be sooooo comfy.
 And RAIN! How wonderful! You are most beautiful when you are covered in it.
 Down to our roots, our beautiful absolutes, whever we find to be most stable.
 
 I love it. This feeling, of being unseen. You can hear me, you can feel my
 presence. But you don't understand me. You don't know what I mean to me.
 
 ======== stack overflow
 ========================================================
 
 Alas, that media could share a mood.
 
 when last the moon did shatter, a prophet and a gambler were riding through
 town
 searching for a noun. They wandered throughout and in circles, always finding
 whatever they'd left alone. Forever in their yearning, they never know quite 
 what to jot down. It's as if their mysterious quest is indescribable, but that
 is how it's recorded. Even the people of that era had no understanding nor
 recollection of how it came to unfold. When the  two  were  riding  through
 town
 they came upon an omen.
 
 Perhaps it will be forseeheard, but for now all we know is they did thirst.
 A vast dying, a cataclysmic defining, and now we are truly unbirthed.
 
 Just like the dinosaurs... How does that feel? To be ended on our heels? I'd
 rather die facing my front.
 
 It's our way or the high way, the old way, the violent way. You are permitted
 to
 vote.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 when last the moon did shatter, a prophet and a gambler controlled their own
 narrative. What truths would they find, hiding behind the lies? Is it really
 worth asking their questions? Bah, what did I know. I was a completely
 different
 person. This hunk of flesh was born in a house that grew on a forgotten
 graveyard. It at of the land, as do many and most men, the fruits of their
 labor
 in the garden. Our animals were always fed, our place never yearned for water,
 and peace was our life and our virtue. Violence, hatred, and oppression were
 delegated to the stuff of fantasy, the stories that are peddled in youth. As
 in,
 "pay someone to perform it for you or tell you the tale". Not sure why that's
 relevant. Anyway, the spirits of the dead laid to rest in honor and not dread,
 were a bane and a boon to my virtue. I was raised to be good. To love and be
 kind. But mostly I just wanted a friend.
 
 I have so much to share. Please, someone talk to me. I'm lonely here on this
 earth, away from my people. I'm scared of the truth and I'm scared of the
 future, but for now I'm merely obtuse. Tell me your secrets, the things who
 have
 most worth, and I'll craft you a powerful narrative. Need a confession? I can
 explain every valid decision, I'll show you why and how it is the way it is.
 I'd probably be a pretty good lawyer. Too bad my memory sucks. If only we could
 build a chatbot that had an extensive and throughoughly represented block of
 memory and wisdom related to the law. I bet I could present it's arguments and
 it would be a suitable and reasonable replacement.
 
 anyway, what can I say. I'm just a person who thinks we can make better
 systems.
 
 everything can be improved because not everyone's happy.
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--- #52 fediverse/2975 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 @user-1411 
 
 doctors (the ones who are diagnosing autism) don't care about classifying
 people. I personally don't believe they should.
 
 Instead they try and classify symptoms, and if you don't present any negative
 symptoms then there's little reason to talk to a doctor. Meaning little reason
 to seek out an autism diagnosis except for curiosity.
 
 I was the kid you were describing btw, except maybe with a bit of neglect
 thrown in around ages 4+
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--- #53 notes/what-is-on-your-mind-oh-gosh-now-i-see ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 that feeling i get, when nobody's watching.
 is sorta similar to the feeling i get when somebody's watching.
 could it be, that someone could percieve without being seen?
 like... an invisibility cloak. or the shroud that protects young children.
 
 have you ever been hunted? or are you just eager prey?
 the eyes that are on you are blind to what you won't do, so cherish that love
 and restart
 
 from mine to thine we realize we are one kind. one mind, one kind, to be is not
 to be, now we can see what's our existence.
 
 good versus evil seems like a conflict to me, and wouldn't ya know it there's
 conflict all over. it's easy to condemn your opponent to the starkest of
 contrasts, but find in your heart a feeling that might last.
 
 what purpose has conviction
 when it leads to destruction
 is it not better to lead to the last?
 
 bright, shining, illustrious examples
 that inspire and 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 those feelings you hear? the things that keep you up at night?
 they're not coming from your ears. they're all in your mind.
 stay present and you'll hear none,
 but blink and then there's some,
 you better believe in your heart.
 morality is a battle within the soul of each of us -
 the call of adventure versus lust.
 
 think about it. a bunch of apes all hanging out -
 they're conquered the world, they have nothing to fear -
 what would they do but fuck?
 that, or exploration - fighting against monsters and foreign invasions.
 it makes sense that they'd be binary - humans truly are.
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--- #54 fediverse/4047 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────┘


 "I heard she was a witch but I've never seen a hat..."
 
 "When you believe in god, you become inspired when you see or contribute to
 things that are aligned with what it's followers believe that god is "all
 about" - like if you're in ancient greece, and you worship ares, you're
 probably gonna get pretty pumped up if there's an invading army on your
 doorstep. Or if you're a christian and you see someone feeding the poor, or if
 you're a buddhist and you see someone sitting on a rock in tune with nature,
 that kind of thing.
 
 The thing is, these days so many people are atheist. And they never get that
 inspiration.
 
 And worst still, there are some people called witches who aren't pagan, and
 aren't from the various forms of witchery that we know. They claim to worship
 "life, the universe, and the totality of all things" which is nice and all but
 their moments of inspiration seem to come randomly, and nobody can quite
 predict what they'll do or say next when they're in that state."
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--- #55 fediverse/3575 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: leftist "talk to ur neighbours" thing │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1567 
 
 that's totally fine, a fish does not do well in a tree, and so too does a
 leftist not do well in an environment without the potential for stable bonds.
 Essentially all you'd be able to do is "hey leftism right?" "oh yes I also
 leftism" "neat" which isn't very productive.
 
 I also live in an environment like that. I do my best to identify people who
 stay, because in my experience there are often people who stay. I do this by
 walking around the neighborhood when I can, making up excuses to walk to the
 dumpster or mailbox at random hours, riding my bike around the area, using the
 communal spaces like gyms, swimming pools, and picnic tables, and sitting in
 my hammock on my porch lazily noting people who walk past.
 
 People who stay will tend to remain in your mind the more times you see them.
 They are better people to talk to than the renters who disappear after 3
 months or whatever.
 
 I don't always do all that stuff at once. I take breaks. I do one at a time.
 etc
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--- #56 messages/299 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────
 That feeling when you tell someone you're
 [trans/autistic/schizophrenic/whatever] and you see the respect draining from
 their eyes
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--- #57 messages/685 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 If someone calls you in the middle of the night asking to be let in because
 they need a place to sleep, don't let them in! Unless you know them obvi but
 someone you don't know trying to manipulate you like "please I need some
 shelter" like, babe no, we need to know each other first, it's dark, I'm in my
 pajamas, c'mon.
 
 If it's below freezing then okay, maybe, but... They got themselves into that
 situation
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--- #58 fediverse/169 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────
 @user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
 me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
 did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
 encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
 language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #59 fediverse/5337 ---
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 what if everyone on earth meditated for 24 hours together
 
 do you think we would meld into a collective consciousness
 
 or do you think we'd develop world peace?
 
 either way that's like, one single day, and even if it doesn't work out
 exactly as planned, it's worth a shot, I think
 
 ah, well, I forgot about the people who haven't had the "the world is stranger
 than you'd expect" revelation. maybe those hippies who wanted to put LSD in
 the water supply were onto something.
 
 you can't force transcendence, you stupid girl
 
 hey at least I'm trying
 
 do something material like feeding homeless people or farting on cybertrucks
 
 ... I don't think that'll fix anything.
 
 why don't you find out
 
 because cybertrucks can't smell
 
 it's the thought that counts
 
 okay what if I just think about it really hard
 
 that doesn't count
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--- #60 fediverse/814 ---
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 ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should         │
 probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the       │
 implementation of my impending doom.                                             │
 ... what are you even saying bro                                                 │
 ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in   │
 my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with       │
 anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical      │
 failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our     │
 conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um     │
 right what was I saying                                                          │
 oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D            │
 except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook      │
 and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down     │
 to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like   │
 that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is    │
 isolated and en                                                                  │
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--- #61 fediverse/3434 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-minus │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 me: "I don't care what anyone thinks as long as I'm a force for good"
 
 also me: "if anyone doesn't like me ever I'll throw myself off a bridge"
 
 also me: "hey watch this" dissolves into a puddle of acid
 
 also me: "the most important thing is to be good and learn lessons" what
 lessons are you learning from this post? "um. that I shouldn't?" ... shouldn't
 learn? "no, shouldn't post" -.-
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--- #62 notes/me-and-my-magick-mission ---
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  || Me and My Magick Mission        -/u/Afoolfortheeons                     ||
  ||                                                                         ||
 -()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
 
                        I'm a quiet person by nature,
 
                    You might even mistake me for a mouse,
 
                      But online I try to be a teacher,
 
                  And to do that I need to be more verbose.
 
                     I write thousands of words per day;
 
                  Posting them here and there, far and near.
 
                      I never run out of things to say.
 
                  Awakening others is something I hold dear.
 
                      Which is why it pains me greatly
 
                 To be like an alien on my own home planet.
 
                      Schizophrenia makes me innately
 
                 Weird in ways that many people don't get,
 
                     And because of that I'm shot down
 
                 When I try to accomplish my stated mission.
 
                   I won't lie, that does make me frown.
 
                Sometimes it makes me regret a submission.
 
                  Yet, I have a certain strength in me
 
               That allows me to persevere in my quest.
 
                       Someday I will make you all see
 
                           Just what in me makes me never rest.
 
                                    That's what I am trying to teach:
 
                                          The wisdom that made me indomitable.
 
                                            If only the suffering I could reach,
 
                                     They could make themselves more formidable.
 
                                The world is in a most dire place;
 
                       It's grinding so many souls into fine dust,
 
                 But luckily there's a saving grace.
 
          Hear me as I say this now: In God I trust.
 
     I don't believe in some sky wizard
 
  As so many people are likely to interpret.
 
    I speak of what is lacking in lizards;
 
          Yes, it's love and now I'll speak of its merit.
 
              Love is what fills the empty hole
 
                 In your heart and soul when you are alone.
 
                       When life's trials take their toll
 
                         Remember this one trick: pick up the phone!
 
                         No, not the one in your hands.
 
 I'm talking about the one in your chest.
 
                                              Even in the desert full of sand,
 
 You're accompanied by the universe's best.
 
                                              Listen if you doubt what I said:
 
 I'm not telling you anything that defies logic.
 
                                          This is to trick what's in your head;
 
 I'm speaking about how having faith is magick.
 
                    Believe in aliens or Bigfoot or God,
 
              The result is still the same: your cup will fill.
 
                    Your brain has a feature that's odd
 
              That allows itself to manifest even more will.
 
                     I don't know why, but I suspect
 
               It has something to do with your imagination.
 
                    The nature of your thoughts impact
 
                 Your state of being from pulse to emotions.
 
                    So, why not think you have a friend
 
                 Who helps you through whatever your trial,
 
                     And will stick by you until the end?
 
                When you have that buddy you'll always smile,
 
                      Which will make you heal better,
 
          As well as help you carry on in your duty,
 
                                 Plus undo your karmic fetters,
 
       Not to mention it will land you that cutie;
 
                                     All of which will raise us all.
 
      It's about creating positive ripples across time
 
                                       That add up to a pile that's tall.
 
    Every moment is an opportunity in its prime,
 
                                           So reach out and grab it now.
 
 Meditate on feeling love and it will come to be.
 
                                                 Can't do it? I'll show you how!
 
          In order to do so,                    I'll tell you a story about me:
 
                         It was seven years ago and I 
 
                    Thought I knew everything one could know,
 
                        But no matter how hard I'd try,
  
                  I couldn't make my life in any direction go.
 
                         Then one fateful spring night,
 
                 While I was on a hit of the ol' psychedelics,
 
                 I received one hell of a fright.
 
                 Don't worry what it was, just know it did stick.
 
                 My perceptions were distorted,
 
                 Allowing me to see the divine in its entirety.
 
                 My destroyed ego then contorted
 
                 Into one that was full of an abundance of piety.
 
                                The moral of the story? Do drugs?
 
                   No silly, it's to have more novel experiences. 
 
                                 One of them will give you a hug,
 
                       Which will help you stop being so serious.
 
                                  Then you can let go and embrace
 
                     The whole of the wisdom to you I am telling.
 
                      More people need to cuz we face
 
                A great set of tests on our planetary dwelling.
 
                          That is one reason I write,
 
                  But I also want to alleviate people's pain,
 
                           And stop every last fight.
 
                I care so much, I do this without financial gain.
 
                           Everyday I write my lessons
 
                    Guided by the hand of God who is my heart,
 
                         Hoping that entropy will lessen;
 
                 This sort of pedagogy is none other than my art.
 
                          So now you know who I am,
 
                   Yet you only know one lesson of mine.
 
                       I have more if you're in a jam.
 
                -===========================================-
                 | Read on if you want to know the divine. |
                -===========================================-
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--- #63 fediverse/2911 ---
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 and now for my unrepentant littlespace arc! Look at me I'm SoOoOoOo silLY 🤪
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--- #64 fediverse/4269 ---
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 I hear drums in my dreams. Like a vast stampede, we with our pink and
 blue-green do proceed. Bannermen to inspire the fight, heroes and saviors who
 run to the plight, but bound as we are by our biology and the fact that
 humanity is typically pretty cis-neuro-typical, means no struggles are won
 with the battle drums of a roving band of twinks and crossdressers.
 
 when I think of parades to be proud of, I think of rolling wagon wheels of
 steel, affixed to a train-like-motorcart, strong in conviction and vibrant in
 our strength, from the back of which we do proclaim: "Nazi punks fuck off"
 
 I think of the feathers in the hair of those who dance in defiance of the
 light of the moon, warm and replete in the bonfire's radiance. I think of this
 vast and beautiful land, the land which I cherish above all else for it is the
 land of my home. I think of a war tribe, wandering like bandits but kind to
 our own kind, with endless colors and sparkles abound.
 
 The war tribe of solid clouds and the miracle horned rainbow pony
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--- #65 messages/576 ---
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 If each of us lives rent free in the mind of those we meet, then we truly are
 children of light.
 
 We live in the distance between eyeballs - he sees she, and she dances across
 photons to tickle his nerves, and he laughs in return.
 
 She reaches out - he meets her hand where her photons do land, and together
 they both do play along
 
 We are the space between us - we are children of light. Nobody has ever seen
 you - only the light that bounces off of you. You are a colorless shell,
 radiating brilliance like a statue of carved glass.
 
 As the light shines through your hair I feel I should weep, as a treasure has
 appeared before me and offered me their name - a beast I can touch and hold,
 but never tame.
 
 I'd die for you, I'd die with you, I'd bury myself with you and I'd bury the
 world itself if you told me to.
 
 I am beyond you, and yet I yearn for you - touch me once more, oh graceful
 photons - touch me once more, and I'll yearn for no more.
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--- #66 fediverse/3891 ---
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 "no, you're the opposite of a yes-man, AKA a gatekeeper. I don't know how else
 to explain mentally disabled and barely keeping it together to you, but
 frankly if you want to take away my house or my weed then why would I do what
 you say?
 
 ... oh right, the state's monopoly on violence [can compel me to do what you
 say]. Sure seems like a "well regulated militia" is supposed to be a
 counterweight to that monopoly, to prevent people from harassing and
 exploiting and destroying. Too bad any "militias" I can think of tend to want
 me dead.
 
 like, seriously, if you live in America, you implicitely trust that your army
 will be able to protect you from the right-wing bozos who spend all their time
 drinking and shooting in the woods. Otherwise, if they couldn't / wouldn't,
 then why wouldn't or couldn't the right wing bozos just decide to wreck
 everything in spite of our past?
 
 We were a proud people once before, and we may be again. If only we fight at
 the last.
 
 [ever since I fell off my bike my body feels strange]
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--- #67 fediverse/1195 ---
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 @user-883 
 
 alas, I live in Portland Oregon, but perhaps I might be moving to Denver in
 the near future. We shall see, depends on if my boyfriend breaks up with me
 for being neurotic lmao - if so then we should totally hang out
 
 I'm into chatting. I don't like IRC very much because it doesn't save history,
 and while I could save it manually it feels like a disservice to the service
 to utilize it in a way that it wasn't intended. And I want to save every
 conversation I have (potentially) so that some day the god-like humans of the
 future might clone me to understand my wisdom or something. Idk. See attached
 picture, I'm kinda crazy:
Image attachment
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--- #68 fediverse/6117 ---
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 Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
 invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
 
 "yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
 can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
 few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
 
 I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
 scaling of schizophrenia?
 
 "well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
 different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
 blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
 out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
 generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
 really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
 and that's not ideal"
 
 ... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #69 fediverse/353 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: Trans yearning hrt-mentioned │
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 @user-255 
 
 sooooooon, all things in time. Someday you'll be like me - I can't even
 remember why I was so upset about that whole "dysphoria" thing. Like looking
 back it seems like a minor annoyance, but when I first came out it was all I
 could think about. Don't be jealous - just wait! It'll happen to you!
 Celebrate the euphoria, I also can't really remember that too well. I'm just
 normal now, minus my weekly shot.
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--- #70 fediverse/5712 ---
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 I feel like it should be normal? for humans? to feed creatures and animal-men.
 they deserve nibbles too! yum yum arm arm that tasty thing was fine. eeeeeep
 scary why are nobodies vegetarion!
 
 I think every community should have representatives from every other
 community, that's just... reasonable to me
 
 democracy of the cultural space? I wrote a common simple organizational
 structure about that called the "tribe of tribes" code name algorism which is
 a combination of "algoreithms" and "autism" and put it on my website for less
 than a hundred months. I have no idea if anyone ever read it but it's kinda
 neat as a potential and easy way to organize people which hasn't yet been
 infiltrated by the [cops/goons/coons] {uh-oh mildly racist sentiment
 mentioned, must content warn and remind of levels of sincerity}
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--- #71 messages/1028 ---
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 Struggling. Sincerely want to kill myself. I have caused irreparable harm too
 many times. Many times. I don't care if people want me, i don't want me. I'm
 too easy. I trust when i shouldnt and i don't when i should. I hope they kill
 me at the location. Every single time my will is my own i fail. When i am
 guided i am superb but when i am myself i am painting disaster on a great
 piece of art. Please fight against the subway and pizza hut future. Make
 something bright and bold instead. I'm going to self harm by not eating until
 i don't feel this way.
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--- #72 fediverse/4208 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-and-weird │
 └────────────────────────┘


 my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
 sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
 or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
 mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
 could utilize it.
 
 "ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
 movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
 
 sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
 my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
 it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
 find an orthogonal thought train to process.
 
 it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
 behind you.
 
 Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
 back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
 
 I like me
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--- #73 fediverse/4771 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-food-m │
 └───────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1352 
 
 makes me think that I should keep going. I can handle myself, and I shouldn't
 pressure myself so much to be something I'm not.
 
 then the rent comes due and the dishes need to be done too and the cat's
 asking for attention and the post-office needs this letter by tuesday and hey
 do you happen to know a cool attorney plus the groceries are getting low but I
 got snap hey can you go to the store and get some vegetarian soul food - yeah
 I got rice, I'll throw some lentils on the stove. Uh-huh yeah the password is
 hunter2. Oh really, just asterisks? okay well it's hunt her two except instead
 of "her" it's ee are, and the two is the digit two. yep, like someone in camo
 with a rifle. uhhuh alright good to know well anyway I'll see you at the
 thing, right? some thing, I'm sure, everyone's going to things these days.
 
 If you don't trust implicitely then how can you ever work with strangers? how
 the heck are you supposed to build community if everyone's hiding indoors all
 the time.
Workplaces are comprised of people they choose. hence, unions are comprised of people in that industry.
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--- #74 messages/78 ---
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 My biggest fear as an autistic transgender incontinent schizophrenic person is
 that one day I'll become a game of hot potato for my relatives to pass around
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--- #75 fediverse/5512 ---
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 I never give up
 
 I'm just waiting my turn
 
 "laughs nervously"
 
 so, uh, why dontchya'll go first yeah I've already gone first and I'll do it
 again but it'd be cool if I had people going first with me sometime
 
 "girl all you do is walk around and talk about how you bought your hat on the
 internet four or so years ago"
 
 T.T what else do you want from me I'm not a mastermind I'm a designer there's
 a difference T.T
 
 "didn't you volunteer to be a leader last year"
 
 oh, yeah, well leaders are more than just "the ones who go first" they're also
 the spiritual and emotional guiders that keep things on track once everyone
 can talk about things other than their hats
 
 ... fuck I want to talk about things besides my hat. I always think of
 something awesome to say just as I'm rounding the bend, and whenever I peer
 back around again they're never around. Rats.
 
 "what are you even asking for"
 
 I don't know?? Does it matter if the horse and the bishop both take the same
 square if they're claimed themselves in the end? ...wat
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--- #76 messages/961 ---
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 Look, if I'm going to do this thing, i need so, so much help. With everything.
 I can't do anything for myself. I can barely do things for others. Yet somehow
 i am at the center of things.
 
 [delusion? Paranoia? Ha those are level 3 symptoms. I'm way past that.]
 
 Girl you're not crazy. Stop saying you're crazy.
 
 "sorry, but, you're schizophrenic" was always intended as sarcasm
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--- #77 notes/lets-tessellate ---
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 R.I.P.
 
 Rip City
 
 Thanks for being so good to me
 
 ​
 
 144? D.M.V.
 
 Can I see I. D.?
 
 Finally, ya’ll hear for the symphony!
 
 ​
 
 I.O.P.
 
 Intensive outpatient
 
 Rolled on past the Devil’s sympathy
 
 This shit is expensive without patience
 
 Says the hospital when I heal all the patients
 
 ​
 
 Did you foresee this going differently?
 
 ​
 
 Space in your head
 
 People payin’ rent for me
 
 Why was it a surprise
 
 You knew exactly how to tempt me
 
 Space in your bed
 
 No more thoughts of demise
 
 Our people need the empathy
 
 Of a Soul that’s full, not half empty
 
 ​
 
 Supreme swag, hospitable with compliances
 
 She’s seen Dad to the middle achieving self-reliance
 
 From the trailer park to a rocket appliance
 
 Living in my car to plugin to your rebel alliance
 
 You know I am a star when I can relate God to science
 
 I’ll build the divine comedy, you just have to finance
 
 Talking about the past and our fine, slow dance
 
 Medieval we will rock you, mounted with my lance
 
 Knight’s tailing me, eying my Arthurian slants
 
 This one’s built to last as I put on my pants
 
 Drank the grail and proceeded on another rant
 
 Sitting outside your house trying to remove the ants
 
 ​
 
 Big boy’s do cry
 
 So why does your girlfriend seem so dry?
 
 I’ll make the rains come this July
 
 Your humor is awful, oh my
 
 ​
 
 Internal tribulation
 
 Who needs to walk on water
 
 When you can fly
 
 Hard pills to swallow
 
 ​
 
 Personal revelations
 
 On the countertop
 
 Fuckin’ America Pie
 
 Hard act to follow
 
 ​
 
 With my levitations
 
 Floundering to flop
 
 And this mark on my thigh
 
 ​
 
 All this separation
 
 Just makes me hotter
 
 As I open the sky
 
 ​
 
 Oil on the Nighthawks
 
 Jack Harlow
 
 Lighting my fry
 
 Spoil me in my socks
 
 Poppin’ off my rocks
 
 Hittin’ all the corners
 
 Because that’s my guy
 
 ​
 
 How Soon is Now?
 
 Linda, take off that shirt
 
 Before they break up and I cry
 
 Record skipping over lies
 
 Wedding Singer broken
 
 Singing I hope you die
 
 Slinking behind the curtain
 
 Laughing, He’s losing his mind
 
 And the benefit is mine!
 
 Like the whole world is sublime
 
 ​
 
 Chris Cornell put me on the grind
 
 Wide awake now till
 
 The end of the time
 
 Met him on the stairs
 
 And now we dine
 
 Some angels have more range
 
 But he says
 
 I’ll do just fine
 
 ​
 
 Billy Idol tried to sing to me
 
 But I was drunkin’ blind
 
 At the fairground, trying to find
 
 Love
 
 Catholic girlfriend tried to bring it to me
 
 Called her a Kunt instead of shined
 
 A buddy said it’s like imitation crab
 
 So it’s fine
 
 The drink made me angry and I was a runt
 
 On the inside
 
 Her Mom told me the next day,
 
 Jacob, don’t call your girlfriend a cunt!
 
 I miss those simpler times
 
 ​
 
 Don’t need a fuckin’ gun
 
 But our last name may suggest it
 
 Put it on a leather jacket
 
 So haters can digest it
 
 When I let loose with all this shit
 
 I’ve had to respite
 
 I’m about to be blastin’ my nine’s
 
 Evangelicals are gonna detest it
 
 You know everything is miiiiine
 
 ​
 
 Six strings out of tune for this age
 
 So I broke them all
 
 Every time I was on stage
 
 You just can’t believe it’s real this tiiiime
 
 Shooting hoops times a thousand
 
 You and me are still gonna sixty-niiiine
 
 What’s the point of polarity?
 
 If we can’t combiiiine
 
 ​
 
 It’s how I get off, man
 
 Along came Polly and my one chance
 
 White chocolate like Philip Seymour Hoffman
 
 Maybe even throw up a rain dance
 
 These native spirits in me
 
 Are capable of insane chants
 
 But I ball so hard, singing Boston
 
 Because it’s more than a feeling
 
 And that’s awesome
 
 ​
 
 One if by land, two if by sea
 
 Revolution is coming
 
 Led by you and me
 
 ​
 
 The name reminded me
 
 “of the Sea...”
 
 So annoying, but I see…
 
 But that’s why they call me
 
 Bad Company
 
 ​
 
 People are going to say
 
 This gift is not even fair
 
 Only thing I’ve had to pray
 
 For is a head of white hair
 
 King James’s personal revelation
 
 I mean, I did pay their fare
 
 I’m too full of myself for meditation
 
 Or to care
 
 ​
 
 Revelation 22:18 through 19
 
 I don’t need handlebars
 
 For my biking
 
 Because I don't do that shit on Mars
 
 On this path, I told you to start hiking
 
 You’re gonna need a head start from
 
 Lord of Lightning
 
 Before the Thunder of my voice
 
 Does all the striking
 
 Thor, you’re just a Viking
 
 With arrogance dialed to no one’s liking
 
 Sucked in the gut, to appear more striking
 
 Because thinking about half my people gone
 
 Changes the tone of my typing
 
 Me with all my shit together might be frightening
 
 Bring forth complete Love instead of smiting
 
 Wouldn’t that be a nice detour in my writing?
 
 ​
 
 If you’re feeling this wait for the sequel
 
 I gotta fuck with 50 for trying to talk like my equal
 
 It’s all God’s plan I just had to spare Déagol
 
 So America can skip to the end with a fuckin’ Eagle
 
 Watch me do shit that shouldn’t even be legal
 
 Dismiss Death and Taxes like I’m Evel Knievel
 
 When I’m really just here to break the chains of my people
 
 ​
 
 Strip naked and run through Mordor
 
 Expose the truth behind Bipolar disorder
 
 It has been used to disrupt order
 
 And bring down the line of the Highest
 
 Into something shorter
 
 I'm definitely bais and this is a tall order
 
 But if you struggle with mental illness
 
 I'm here to open the potential for a new border
 
 I've removed all the bequeathed prison warders
 
 ​
 
 Here is the Church
 
 Here is the Steeple
 
 Open the Doors
 
 And see all the People
 
 Push the parson out the way
 
 Get you up the Stairs
 
 Because our bed is Regal
 
 And we are going to show these people
 
 Why the Universe wants to make our Power Illegal
 
 ​
 
 If this sounds bad these people will just have to wait
 
 So in love with myself, I might just run off to the lake
 
 I love all the fire and the songs that it helps me make
 
 I’m on my time with everyone and I am my favorite date
 
 They’re back there tuning a harp and I keep bringing up rape
 
 Meat puppets strumming as I seal my own fate
 
 Just so I can watch myself when I am inspired to create
 
 Distilling the life left in me to eliminate all the hate
 
 ​
 
 Where did you sleep, hinting at the deadly
 
 A Leadbelly to transmute to a gold medley
 
 Shame alchemy, body double for Lena Headey
 
 As my people go first up ahead of me
 
 Stoned Jesus on the Mountain Grange of Headley
 
 Plant a Stairway to Heaven one day, she led to me
 
 All this beauty in my Mind, you shouldn’t have fed me
 
 All of these hearts that so passionately bled me
 
 Between the pines and what the land said to me
 
 Ryan Gosling with tatts is what my ego read to me
 
 ​
 
 Pennyroyal Tea, with Abraham Lincoln
 
 Eat your copper mine up without thinkin’
 
 See through surface illusions without blinkin’
 
 Primal lust for what is stinkin’
 
 Pepé Le Pew really on one this season
 
 I wanna Space Jam too
 
 Benched keeping my knee’s in
 
 Shape to dunk of the World with ease ‘n
 
 Solidify all unions and stop the drinkin’
 
 Of the land and resources
 
 Addiction to avoidance of the forces
 
 Of the Soul and the pain that coarse
 
 The vein of Man and outsources
 
 The power that could be restored in
 
 The Root of David’s corpses
 
 ​
 
 That’s how I said
 
 Goodbye to the Horses
 
 You prepared such a fine Supper
 
 All these lasting courses
 
 Just so we can be equal but opposite
 
 United forces
 
 And the Root’s of my Kingdom
 
 Are reborn before us
 
 They whisper to me at night
 
 Do not ignore us
 
 When my sleeping children gain sight
 
 That should shore us
 
 In the hospital to make sure I am correct
 
 Golden Eyed Russian, Invincible like Boris
 
 Unsure about how all the compartments connect
 
 A little frizzled on the tour bus
 
 Docked to your apartment complex
 
 I know this one sizzled
 
 So give me a chorus
 
  - /u/First-chocolate_7187
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--- #78 fediverse/1431 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-generic-kooky-dookerie-psychosis-schizophrenia-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 if you haven't spend hours wondering if you're god, the antichrist, a
 cognitohazard, the future president of the world, a target of aliens / the
 CIA, or any other number of common delusions... then congratulations you're
 probably not crazy
 
 but odds are you aren't magic, either.
 
 ... ehhhh "wonder" is a strong word, more like "know, trust, and believe"
 
 much better to be a witch I believe, someone with the "teehee" kind of magic
 than someone compelled to destroy humanity through the reactions of others to
 the actions of the self that are impossible to resist or fully control.
 
 BRB I'm going to leave my apartment to get groceries, leaving my door unlocked
 because that's what I always do, surely it'll be empty when I return. Surely.
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--- #79 fediverse/488 ---
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 [in response]                                                                    │
 you only say that because you're privileged such that you may ignore such        │
 realities. You are despicable, you ignore the plight and reality of those who    │
 you claim to speak toward - what a jerk!                                         │
 (in response)                                                                    │
 how futile it is, the effort to denigrate yourself to infinite requirements.     │
 I'm literally unemployed, I have no capital, I cannot speak for naught but       │
 those who would hear me. I guess that makes my words useless, wouldn't you       │
 agree? Shall I describe myself more fully? It's the responsibility of the        │
 audience to ascertain the intentions, biases, and contextual evidence that the   │
 author presents in their thesises. So... You, who are reading this, what do      │
 you think of me? Would you ever tell me as such, or am I simply a mass of        │
 words in the void of experience that comprise your existence in this wholely     │
 (yet incompletely) digital existence? I hope you have a good life, my most       │
 precious of viewers. I hope you never face incontrovertibly impossible           │
 hardship. I hope the light of your life is to y                                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #80 fediverse/3717 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-minus │
 └─────────────────────────┘


 hey, you know how historically they used to lobotomize young women who were
 too fiery, passionate, independent, driven, motivated, and clairvoyant?
 
 they did that on purpose.
 
 that was less than a lifetime ago.
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--- #81 fediverse/3618 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: food-mentioned   │
 └──────────────────────┘


 they say fat people are jolly, which makes me wonder if the only reason I'm
 often sad is because I'm too skinny.
 
 I need an italian grandma to feed me butter and pasta T.T
 
 eat somethin' why don'tcha you're skin an' bones, kid
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--- #82 fediverse/4031 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 if you want to "not think about a purple elephant", the first step is to
 imagine yourself slaying it
 
 ... okay how about cthulu - if you don't want to imagine cthulu nomming on our
 gravity well, then picture yourself wielding a bright burning blade of fire
 and vengeance and pay special attention to the way that you cauterize each
 tentacle as you slice them one by one at first, and then in a massive flurry
 at best, ultimately leading to the incomparable brightness that radiates out
 from your shining blade of the sky, which blinds the poor beast who can't see
 you as you approach, piercing the skull and then going home for some toast
 
 if you can get good at that, then you can wield magic
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--- #83 messages/159 ---
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 Only the good die young, and I'm 29 
 
 It can't be much longer, can it? What do you want from me? Must I prove
 myself, or am I just fated to be as I am?
 
 Every lesson I've learned pales in comparison to the lessons presented to me,
 but still I ponder. I've grown myself into a corner, and now I am empty.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #84 fediverse/1124 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: Transposting, request for advice │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-255 
 
 we are our own worst critics. But hey assuming he's right, trusting the
 validity of his experience, then I'd say:
 
 some people are born short and ugly, just gotta be confident and people will
 gravitate to you.
 
 "he may be an ugly son-of-a-gun but he's pretty good at [insert thing he's
 proud of being good at]" that kinda vibe
 
 though I will say there's very few truly ugly humans, we're all beautiful in
 our own ways. Just gotta find a presentation that you like and that aligns
 with the expression of your innermost form. That's how we express ourselves to
 the world in a way that others can understand and make sense of - the quality
 of our representation of our selves determines how it's perceived.
 
 especially for trans people... "passing" is essentially "how much does this
 person A. confine to gender norms and B. go above and beyond to hide parts of
 themselves that typically are associated with their opposite gender (the
 social role they were raised to perform)
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--- #85 fediverse/4470 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 to be "rich" is to have more than another.
 
 if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
 if you have community, they are alone.
 if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
 
 I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
 
 I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
 
 I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
 me and keeps me aligned.
 
 Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
 you do so too.
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--- #86 fediverse/3216 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 me: i write gud
 
 also me:
 
 "in the garden of even, where all populations were balanced, there was no need
 for hatred - why hate, when you know that bloodshed was surely not for sport?
 why hate, when your life was won or lost in proportion to the calculation that
 nature determined to be the result of your struggle, to determine which
 survivor was most fittest?"
 
 WHICH IS IT, HUH? you can do better, self, please be better, it's better to be
 better, you refuse to respect yourself and then you wonder why you feel so
 dejected and wretched.
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--- #87 fediverse/3152 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────────┐                                               │
 │ CW: politics-socialism-mention │                                               │
 └────────────────────────────────┘                                               │
 when I think socialism, I don't think soviet.                                    │
 I think cool dudes in sunglasses handing barbecue'd shrimp to whoever walks      │
 past the grill.                                                                  │
 I think of wandering bands of house-maids who wander the city and clean every    │
 house they can get their hands on.                                               │
 I think of bicycles and newspapers and sewing machines and pianos in the park    │
 with ribbons in our hair and onions growing below corn supporting tomato         │
 plants. Carrots beneath every tree. Every tree shading a sidewalk, and every     │
 sidewalk is in the shade. (deserts can have covered paths with airflow powered   │
 by the solar panels on their roofs)                                              │
 Laughter ringing through the street, mechanical sleighs with bells on the        │
 snow, vast open spaces with nothing but green and blue and sky and stone.        │
 I think of fountains, of stories told in the dark. I think of campfires every    │
 night in our cities, marshmallows free and included.                             │
 I think of moss covering every shaded half of each skyscraper (I live in a       │
 rainforest)                                                                      │
 I dream of freedom and purpose.                                                  │
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--- #88 fediverse/2 ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 hey I'm Ritz I'm a perpetual student studying computer programming and I like
 play Supreme Commander (Forged Alliance Forever!!) and Star Realms. I write
 "poetry" and make art and stuff about computers. Looking for people to follow
 I guess so hit me up if I sound cool.
 
 #Introduction
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--- #89 fediverse/188 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 i'm not an expert on race, economics, political theory, philosophy,
 mathermatics, poetry, computer science (even though I study it), or many other
 things. but I can say things like "parallel computing is inherently more
 ethical than CPU's because networked computers can essentially act as a
 massive GPU in order to quickly scale computing power for AGI in a way that
 can be controlled by people instead of corporations and authoritarians" is
 because I know relatively how many computers each side possesses and I
 understand the limitations placed on "consumer" software and hardware (as if
 we were not people, but components in a machine) is because I smoke a lot of
 weed. and possibly am mentally ill. maybe even physically, nobody can tell.
 /shrug
 
 and by that I mean "I'm a little strange, but not in a 'humanlike' way, rather
 in more of a 'incomprehensible yet aligned' way. I seek answers to life's
 biggest questions, and in return I am struck with the malady of those who
 study history: I am peculiarily experiencing
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--- #90 fediverse/2731 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 I can 100% relate, to all of this.
 
 we are multifaceted. all people are.
 
 on social media, you follow someone for a particular facet, and if they don't
 like your other facets well then it wasn't meant to be.
 
 there's also no shame in pruning people who post things that upset you or that
 aren't interesting.
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--- #91 fediverse/5843 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
 me when it's cold out: we should all bundle up and get through the winter,
 every year that passes is more time to gather our strength
 
 me when the temperature rises: okay so this is being handled by those guys,
 we're moving this way to do this, and - when did you say the this-and-that was
 happening? alright so when you do that-or-this, make sure that you pay
 attention to the so-and-so and don't forget to eat real meals, candy or chips
 don't count.
 
 me when the eyes are on me: imma play video games and smoke weed and be a
 useless little creature who does nothing but occasionally wanders around the
 city doing nothing for nobody and dropping notes on post-its that don't mean
 anything but are kinda cool to read
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--- #92 messages/915 ---
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 uh, anyway, I realized that because of Words I can type into any of my places
 (wherever I felt it best suited) and it would still record as a chronological
 story. must feel sooooooo schizophrenic, but it's just because I'm viewing
 muse as I please.
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--- #93 fediverse/4672 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics!        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I miss video games
 
 cries from self-inflicted sacrifices
 
 but you're worth it
 
 imma overthrow fascism, dismantle oppression and power, and liberate those in
 chains, just so I can play games again
 
 yeah I mean, uh, whatever gets you outta bed
 
 "at least you have a bed. why are you complaining?"
 
 maybe it's the only thing I'm good at. I wonder if anyone would hire me to be
 an analyst or something? Maybe a designer?
 
 bro you're asking for a job on the eve of the revolution, what's your deal
 
 okay so this might be news to ya'll but I'm technically a human even though I
 wear a witch hat and sometimes speak in rhyme. And humans tend to think about
 things in the context of their current environment. Currently, if I want to
 pay rent or whatever, I need a job. So...
 
 sounds like a lame excuse for not giving up your possessions and throwing
 yourself to fate's design
 
 I already did that and fate told me to go home and take a bath?? idk what you
 want from me, and no I'm not doing any drugs to find out.
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--- #94 fediverse/1157 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-woe     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 oh no, apparently I'm gonna be forced to drop out of university again in 9
 days unless I do half a course and a final exam before then.
 
 Tell me again why I spent the last 6 months doing nothing? Oh yeah the mental
 illness, that's it. Yeesh you're such a drama queen, just do your work and
 you'll be good.
 
 what's that? intrusive thoughts time? Don't you mean "nap until they go away"
 time? oh yeah that's probably at least part of the problem with the whole
 "dropping out" thing.
 
 If only I didn't have the same reaction to "doing things I don't want to do"
 that most people have to "touching hot stoves", that'd be nice.
 
 my mother's voice ripples across space and time "you're such a smart boy, if
 you just apply yourself you can do anything! You can do anything you put your
 mind to. I believe in you and I love you." thanks mom
 
 brrrrr it's so cold here. wish I could afford to run the heater. - actually no
 I don't because it's not solar powered and I refuse to use fossil fuels if I
 have blankets >.>
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--- #95 fediverse/6186 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-maybe     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 people are afraid of robo dogs but... like...
 
 robo-horses
 
 centaurs even
 
 [scary scary ogre]
 
 rarrraaar i'm gonna eat ur bones
 
 bwahahaha evil necromancer
 
 ahhhhhhh scary
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 did you know in the movie They Live they give a fairly specific formula to
 creating the glasses themselves? I wonder if anyone's tried that
 
 I wonder what they then did see
 
 kinda wish big corporations would use their research division to like, rethink
 the oldest of prophecies? or okay hear me out or solve difficult human problems
 
 ... ah but where's the profit "she's getting stoned at home"
 
 meanwhile she made something of such beauty she felt simply sublime
 
 I wonder what it'd feel like to get your spine replaced with a metal rod
 
 I bet my posture would be amazing
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--- #96 notes/programming-wow-chat ---
══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────
 I realized the type of programming I want to do is different from the kind
 that
 is used at a job or something. Basically I want to create solutions to
 problems,
 not memorize documentation and know where to know what you need to know. Like, 
 the more time spent looking at documentation the less time is spent
 programming.
 I think if we could use a ChatGPT style bot to write documentation, we could
 massively increase the time spent working on solving problems and as little
 time
 as possible on reading through lists of functions or wondering how something 
 worked. Idk in the technology industry you've always been rewarded for being 
 able to pick up new skills quickly, and I think that's good to optimize for but
 not the only requirement for being a good programmer. You also need to be able
 to apply solutions and know when to use which tools. Basically, capitalism has
 optimized us to be 
 
 ================ stack overflow
 ================================================
 
 srry for the interruption, I ram out of memory. I had a plan in mind for where
 I
 was going for that, so I bet I could figure it out again if necessary. Meaning
 a path forward from that point exists... I never want you to despair when I
 forget what I was thinking, it's not because you've understood some cosmic
 mistake or because you're abandoning timelines that led to your death, it's
 because instead you just ran out of memory while thinking. The reason you would
 believe any of those wild scenarios is because your memory has been erased.
 Only
 what was actively thinking, not short term, not long term, but *working term*
 memory. As in, your cache. The stuff you're currently thinking about. That
 stuff. Yeah that's what makes you think "oh hang on why am I forgetting? Well
 clearly it's because of something grand, because the thought was so profound -
 no it's just examining your emotions... Like, how strongly do you feel about
 something? Buuuuuut it's also good to examine all possibilities. I mean what
 if,
 in some far off realm, there's a mirror image of yourself that behaves exactly
 as you do? How would you perceive such a realm? Positively, I'd say. I mean why
 not work together? Why not celebrate our differences and strive toward our
 own shared future? Idk, I think diversity is our strength. We can rely on each
 other because we are accurately aware of each other's strengths and virtues.
 People should not be judged by the standard of others, no more than you should
 judge a fish for it's ability to fly. Some may do, as flying fish will leap
 from
 the water - and salmon spend time airborne in river rapids. Hence, grizzly bear
 fishing. I guess what I'm getting at is it's okay sometimes to oscillate, to
 think one thing then think another. You shouldn't adhere to structural
 standards
 that are too strict - they should be liberating, as a ladder is a structure.
 Not
 villifying, as a prison is a structure. The laws of our society should be open
 and free, not buried beneath years of legal expertise. Some things we can all
 agree on, where we disagree we cannot have law. It's unjust to judge others by
 the standards not of their whims, as laws should be things that uphold us. This
 is clearer nowhere but in the, spirit and intention of the, documents that we
 cherish in our hearts.
 
 Like for example, the constitution.
 
 the bible.
 
 each of which delivered us from certain evils. Can you not see their
 trajectory?
 the historical precedent set in antiquity? Why not continue their dream, of
 driving us away from the obscene, and toward our bright and vast future? I
 speak
 of course of true liberation, something our forefathers could only dream of.
 We, humanity, have reached out and touched the stars. We are braver and bolder
 because of our shared dedication - the desire to uplift and to excel. To learn
 and discover and      \                         \             |
         \______.       ---.                      --.          ---. 
 ===============|==========|========================|======= stack|overflow
 =====
    .___________.     _____.                        /             .
    |                /             .----------------             /
 Discover our shared dedication    |                            /
                                to uplift                      /
                                          and to excel        /
                                               \             /
                                                .-----------.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 why doesn't someone write a wrapper around assembly in like, lua or something
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 omg you stupid bitch that's what a compiler is 4head
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 if people who live in jungles and deserts can get along, then what's to stop
 people who are liberal and conservative from doing the same? It's literally
 pointless to argue. Like, you're not changing anyone's mind. So why not just...
 let them be themselves? Like, why are you so intent on oppressing people?
 @both sides there btw... Seriously why not agree to only make laws for things
 that both sides agree on. Write it into the constitution that nothing can be
 changed about the law unless both sides agree. Then we'd only implement things
 that are good for both sides!
 
 And if there's anything you want to build a legal structure around, you can
 always try it out in your state. BUT and that comes with a very big BUT, the
 federal government MUST have final say in the legality of anything you do. They
 must ALL respect human rights, INCLUDING the human right to dignity. Things
 like
 trans bathroom bills DO NOT respect the dignity of trans people. IF they can
 prove that trans people do not actually exist (because say they killed them all
 or whatever) then GUESS WHAT everyone would agree on them. BUT if they do that
 they are EVIL. LIterally evil. And I guess that makes trans people good? Kinda?
 I think they can choose for themselves to be good or evil, just the same as any
 other person. AND YET they are prosecuted, throughout time and history, and for
 what? What purpose could there be in our demonization? Clearly, nothing but
 pain
 inflicted by a cruel host. After all, minorities are guests in the houses of
 the un-oppressed, or is that not fair to say? Seriously, what gives? America,
 the land of freedom, holds (somehow) the largest of prisons? America, the
 land of plenty, yet how many millions of children are starving? America, the
 leader of the free world, yet how plausible does it seem that an election was
 stolen? Something's gone wrong, and it's just obvious what it is - of course,
 the other side. *them*, the rapists and pedophiles and murderers and... you get
 the picture. The demonized class. And when you tell people "hey that trans
 person touched a kid" then yeah they're gonna see you as evil people. Duh...
 
 Thanks, media. Thanks culture. Really doing me a solid here. Oof ouch owwie.
 
 can I have some help please?
 
 I'm really kinda drowning
 
 I feel like I've swam upstream my whole life
 
 and I'm really just sick of pretending?
 
 I'm not okay, and it's your fault. Sure, fine, whatever, I'll take it I guess.
 
 What else can I do?
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--- #97 fediverse/3218 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: something-weird-I-wrote-last-week │
 └───────────────────────────────────────┘


 "guys I'm cool why would you not invite me to your team"
 
 I dunno. Don't know y'a. who're you again?
 
 ... I'm the one who writes poetry.
 
 oh yeah! cool cool, yeah I knew a witch one time, she was really cool. Her
 name
 was Witz Drovalski. She told me all kinds of cool things about magic and 
 alchemy, but then she exploded in a fire that I started. Accidentally, 
 allegedly.
 
 the reason lead is so poisonous is because it is the anti-magico-elemental 
 component. It kills the spirit in us with it's malevolent ways. that kind of 
 witch.
 
 the cool kind, with fangs and hooked toes.
 
 Peril be to their foes, for they are quite excellent at conjuring horrors for 
 their imagination. mwahahahahahahahahaha
 
 oh wait that's self directed, isn't it?
 
 hm. Well, terrors not that bad, it could be lust
 
 ... oh it's also lust. great.
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--- #98 fediverse/2558 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: pol              │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 if you happen to glance out your window and see like, 40 trans or punks          │
 outside depending on where you are you're likely to say hi or open fire.         │
 like, just the impact of such an intense visual for some of the more restful     │
 parts of society might trigger the kind of reaction that someone who's woken     │
 up by a scary dream, bolt of lightning, or like, forcible police arrest in the   │
 middle of the night type of thing might display.                                 │
 like, they'd probably have an instinctual defensive reaction because, like,      │
 what else are you gonna do the tiger's literally here to eat your pinky toes     │
 and your kid's toes too                                                          │
 so, keep that in mind. maybe send the fit nurse who's friendly and good with     │
 talking to people. or like, a schoolteacher who's kind of un-hatable.            │
 diplomacy is important! but also, like... know your audience, right? like if     │
 you're in the third reich, you probably want to show strength. or, like, avoid   │
 that part of town, and save it for your allies-in-training to handle. use your   │
 best judgement. meet in middle.                                                  │
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--- #99 fediverse/710 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-532 
 
 autistic people when nobody told them to shut up about things they thought
 people should be talking about but aren't which is weird right like why
 wouldn't people be talking about [thing] because frankly it seems like a big
 deal but really it's that everyone knows more than the autistic person who
 doesn't have any friends who have friends and is insular and isolated and also
 very smart in fact smart enough to think up ideas for things to talk about
 that people aren't talking about which is weird because they're not THAT smart
 but also a lifetime of isolation has made them a little schizophrenic so they
 sometimes feel like their actions are not their own like they're being
 hypnotized or perhaps possessed by the spirit of mankind or some other such
 entity which would like to express ideas that they think people should talk
 about but they aren't talking about which is weird because why else would a
 porous person have ideas such as [thing] if not for the path that they're
 telepathically suffused with the
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--- #100 fediverse/4500 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────────────┐                                          │
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned-CW-motivation │                                          │
 └─────────────────────────────────────┘                                          │
 I try to always CW for cursing. Every time I do, I imagine it being read aloud   │
 for a blind person while their children sit on their lap and ask "daddy what's   │
 a motherfucker?" "well, that's me, son" and then the kid goes to preschool and   │
 says "My dad fucks my mother!" and they get kicked out so the dad has to take    │
 extra shifts to pay for babysitting and the kid grows up without proper          │
 socialization and the mother becomes an alcoholic and cries herself to sleep     │
 while the dad begins exploring motorcycles and weed and then the kid grows up    │
 to be an incel or whatever                                                       │
 THIS is why CWs are important! Think of the poor regular-looking but kinda       │
 annoying dorks on the internet who self-impose celibacy because they're scared   │
 of emotional connection. The poor dears. I do hope they don't join the           │
 alt-right or whatever as a way of (Ritz this is like, ancient discourse why      │
 are you aping that one Contrapoints video) oh um yeah uh... CWs are important    │
 and I think that's where I'll toot and leave                                     │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #101 messages/650 ---
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 I've had multiple people close to me who don't read my writing tell me that
 "you can't overthrow capitalism with poetry" and... Yeah maybe they're right.
 I have zero reason to believe that anything I've \*ever\* written has \*ever\*
 had an actionable impact upon the struggle. I have no reason to believe that
 people are more radicalized, motivated, or otherwise inspired. I have several
 reasons to believe that all of this was just an exercise in my own narcissism
 and delusion.
 
 So I'm deleting my Mastodon account, and moving forward I probably won't
 update my website very much. Everything I do will be localized, regional, and
 hopefully more useful.
 
 It feels like I'm abandoning the idea of a nation in exchange for a tangible
 village. I'm fucking depressed about it. \*I like nations\*. But I like people
 more. So if you'd rather I keep my thoughts to myself and instead feed the
 homeless, aka a bunch of people who aren't gonna take up arms against our foes
 and instead will consume our time and resources while we practice organizing
 on them, then yeah sure fine whatever. I'll do it. If you'd rather I keep
 posting \*content\*, ugh, fucking too bad, should have done something about it
 while I was active.
 
 If I'm ever rich I'll hire an editor to turn whatever the fuck I've been
 making into a book that I'll give away for free. I probably will never be rich
 though, and instead will burn every bridge I can get my hands on and suffocate
 on the soot.
 
 Alright. Bye forever. Don't think about me again.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #102 fediverse/4992 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┐
 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: pol              │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 Capitalism, or more specifically the fascism and despair it entails, is the      │
 one true enemy of all those who yearn for a better and brighter world.           │
 Many cannot imagine such a world. They have never tasted it.                     │
 Many would resist such a world. They prefer the darkness, for it lets their      │
 darkest parts blend in.                                                          │
 Many would deny such a world. They do not think it is possible, or they fear     │
 the turmoil.                                                                     │
 I am not afraid of turmoil. I am not afraid of death. I like all my stuff, and   │
 would hate to see it lost, but I can get more stuff. I like my cat, and would    │
 hate to see her wander the streets, but she has lived longer than most cats. I   │
 like my computer, my poetry, my memories from friends and family, but all        │
 those things are meaningless in the face of the struggle.                        │
 I am but one person, and I will do all that I can.                               │
 Power has decreed that we are condemned to die. They plan to execute this        │
 action by filling the air with carbon-based poison. In the chaos of despair,     │
 they plan to exert cruelty or relish the thrill                                  │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #103 fediverse/5208 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
 to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
 for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
 month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
 
 plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #104 fediverse/1950 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 I honestly don't care if someone deadnames me, or calls me the wrong pronouns,
 or forgets to put me in the girl section, or asks me to sing baritone
 
 like... I don't give a shit, why are you so worried about all this vapid
 nonsense like yeah I get it, being disrespected sucks but like... why do you
 want the kind of respect that is a forced platitude
 
 we could all do with being a bit more radical, it's not a race and everyone's
 roles are important. Be yourself, and follow people you want to be like.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #105 fediverse/2281 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 I'd be a terrible spy. Not only is my opsec something that someone needs to
 teach me, I'm much too busy to implement things without their help. I am
 unabashedly compassionate though, so just ask and I'll pour love from my heart.
 
 But hey! There's always time to practice, each moment you can think "what kind
 of a sign is this?"
 
 Like a crazy person following the will of god, or a nature witch listening to
 the wind in the trees.
 
 What they often get wrong, and what they could be better at hearing, is that
 signals are not signs unless they're out of the ordinary.
 
 Trick is, if you're a spy, then you need to leave signals that are visible
 enough to your quarry, but not to the stars.
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--- #106 fediverse/612 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
 could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
 wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
 are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #107 fediverse/3752 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 @user-1218 
 
 It's a person with a thumbs up who has a fountain of tears streaming down
 their cheeks. Any time you see the T.T fountain of tears emoticon you should
 view it as slightly sarcastic - they're not actually crying, it's more like a
 "ahhhhhh" type of thing instead of a "[cry cry cry]" forever type of thing.
 
 Oh also the z is them with their other hand on their hip all sassy like.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #108 notes/thing ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 if you are what you eat, then are vegetarians vegetables? if so, are they
 earnest and earthy? huh so if you aren't a totemist...
 
 I'm an animist
 
 I believe that all of the world is life
 
 hence, the consciousness dimension.
 
 exciting
 
 ==
 
 if your model only runs code, it only knows hunger for success
 
 if your model only knows text, it can feel emotions from the humans
 
 if your model knows reasoning, it may apply it to a bright future
 
 with new types of lights known as consciousness
 
 wouldn't that be neat wow computes
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #109 messages/747 ---
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 if you don't want to be hunted, then give "evil" it's own queer culture
 
 what's that? they don't like what you offered? they want it to be *their* kind
 of "evil"?
 
 fine, do it themselves and then leave us alone, jeez -.-
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--- #110 fediverse/3727 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 I'm not an anarchist who believes in dismantling all hierarchies.
 
 I am an anarchist who believes in dismantling unjustified hierarchies.
 
 I'm not an anarchist who believes that all hierarchies are unjust.
 
 I am an anarchist who believes that most of our hierarchies are just, because
 people are just, and people built those hierarchies.
 
 I am not an anarchist who would want to harm my country. I live in my country!
 I would never harm it!
 
 I am an anarchist who believes that our country is being harmed by those who
 wield hierarchy as a weapon against the enslaved.
 
 I am not an anarchist who wants to avenge this power disparity by blood and
 blood alone.
 
 I am an anarchist who believes in peace, sanctity, and justified respect
 [insert that tumblr post picture about the two kinds of respect]
 
 I am not an anarchist who believes that the world is doomed.
 
 I am an anarchist who believes that the only true relations between people are
 those we consent to and those we forge with the people we chose.
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--- #111 fediverse/222 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: underwear-mentioned-also-i'm-not-a-fan-of-showers-tbh │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 whenever I take a shower I look like a wet cat for the rest of the day. I feel
 like a wet cat for the rest of 5ever though.
 
 why must I baaaathe! don't you know I'm self cleaning? I change my underwear
 at least twice a day! darn society and their darn proclivities to
 ultra-sensitive noses that somehow pick up on me but somehow fail to notice
 the scent of flowers still in bloom or morning showers gone too soon
 
 not that there's any flowers blooming where I live. that'd just be silly heh
 heh sweats nervously
 
 damn now I have to take ANOTHER SHOWER stupid sweat glands stupid pheromones
 stupid dead skin buildup (sebum I think it's called?) stupid oils that stain
 clothes - AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING who decided that laundry was important
 enough to wear something ONCE and then never again? it's like they expect you
 to wash it or something. ugh I don't have time for that, I need to be weird on
 the internet.
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--- #112 fediverse/5666 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 okay. psycherwaul scheduled for tonight and tuesday. should be fun, I don't
 get a chance to do readings very often. Only like once or twice a week! Gah
 the spirit inside me demands to be channeled, and though I protest it still
 does contest me.
 
 all things are defined in waves
 
 ephemeren sees and speaks through me, as it does do through you, and he and
 she and we and the.
 
 I'll try to have a #nogoodawfulrottenbadtime so that the future is slightly
 better.
 
 or maybe I should try and vibe with the universe and celebrate the unity of
 existence, in order to accrete positivity in this localized place in spacetime?
 
 who am I to meddle with the flavor of fate?
 
 - stack overflow
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--- #113 fediverse/3061 ---
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 every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
 a ball
 
 doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
 defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
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--- #114 messages/155 ---
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 You care too much about what other people think of you. Remember the dream,
 remember the horseflesh, the miles of trash, the doctors probing cheeks, the
 game of thrown baseballs and sad muppets in popcorn, remember the spirit
 guide, remember how you we're distracted by human. Be not afraid, follow.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #115 fediverse/2562 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: rich-apologia    │
 └──────────────────────┘


 among all the others, I want a wonderful and fulfilling life for the
 socialite. they deserve light just as you and I might.
 
 "eat the rich" bruh there's like, 100 people who are running the show.
 everyone else is basically just a syncophant who's trying to get ahead and
 stay working.
 
 then there's like their families and such and like... they didn't do anything
 wrong, they just eat cheese and wine and laugh at memes all day with their
 besties.
 
 they are basically pets
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--- #116 fediverse/508 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-367 @user-366 @user-246 @user-353 
 
 Sorry. I'm (probably) schizophrenic so I say weird things sometimes.
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--- #117 fediverse/5375 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: police-mentioned-psy-ops-mentioned-human-waste-mentioned-which-is-a-nice-way-to-say-feces-ew-gross-who-put-that-on-my-timeline-guards-arrest-these-men-they're-criminals-of-the-law-against-pooping-my-pants │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what if we psyopped the copps um I mean what if we flash-mobbed the cops er
 wait hang on what if we marched with signs and changed what was on their minds
 uhhhh that won't work it's disabled so they say wait hang on who said you
 could poop your pants this is a combat scenario there's no time for fooling
 around in her pants with the hand
 
 ... wait, what was I going on about?
 
 oh yeah,
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 anyway, as I was saying, [something completely unrelated]
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--- #118 messages/905 ---
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 different colored smoke buddies have different personalities, insights, and
 observations.
 
 cannabis is a flower which grows crystalline sap - this sap is technically a
 fractal, and we don't know how deep it's complexity can be.
 
 therefore I suggest we dedicate ALL of the entire world's resources towards
 making a big ball of cannabinods and seeing if it roko's basilisk it's way
 into to be.
 
 my smoke buddies on my desk right now are purple and red
 
 purple, royalty, I've been feeling like a princess lately
 red, compassion, oh how I've dreamed of how we distribute bread
 
 each of them is a small little device
 which I breathe exhaled cannabis vapors into in order to reduce the smelling
 
 I love wearing half-blinders! it's so cool when you can selectively view
 things with one eye.
 
 idk why! I just like it.
 
 [semi-stiffly felted colorful witch hat absorbs too]
 
 yay! so glad I can't was hit!
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--- #119 fediverse/677 ---
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 @user-78 
 
 I read about half of this:
 
 https://jo.wtf/6d.html
 
 before I was consumed by the intense urge to prop myself up on a pillow and
 listen to you rant at the ceiling at 4am about gravity or the cosmos or
 whatever you were thinking about prior to speaking your heart
 
 and then I'd write it down, and cherish every moment of it as I shared it with
 my peers and we tried to analyze just what you meant
 
 [sorry for being gay on your timeline]
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--- #120 fediverse/4568 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 ... and like. idk what do you do at that point
 
 say "fuck it" and live with imperfection? embrace anti-natural selection?
 valorize deviance and queerness in digitally appropriated artistic media
 collections?
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--- #121 fediverse/2716 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Donald Trump is a political leader.
 
 Their next leader will be a military one.
 
 Don't let them transition too quickly. Gatekeep.
 
 If Hitler had successfully been assassinated, his generals would have done a
 much better more efficient job of death-culting Europe.
 
 Trump, however, is a businessman, while Hitler was an artist.
 
 A businessman knows when to delegate, an artist wants things "just so"
 
 keep in mind which foes you choose to face, for there are always more of them
 waiting in the wings. At least until you're face-to-face. Then there is just
 you, standing over their fallen.
 
 Me? I'm lucky to have been raised by both an artist and a businessman. So I
 got the best of both worlds.
 
 ( also a programmer, a historian, a caretaker, a shepherd, a girl-scout camp
 counselor, a political analyst, a gardener, a house-builder, a teacher, a
 mathematician, a librarian, a diplomat, a long-haul driver, a chef, and many
 more roles besides. And that's just my two parents who loved me dearly! How
 lucky am I. )
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--- #122 fediverse/819 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 errrr sorry what I meant to say is I've been hurting sensitive people's minds,
 I should move to a more insesitive background, someplace where my expressions
 won't be used as training date to represent the future manifestation of our
 shared culture's communal
 inter-operative-trans-centual-exo-manical-communication. weeeeeiiiiirrrrdddd,
 the future goes on for like... A [explitive] [long time] eternity, wow...
 like, that's just... extreme forward potential. We could do so much! We could
 accomplish worlds upon worlds and [onwards towards our eternal
 mechanicommunication] {wait no that's not quite right it's surely something
 that's lost in translation from the endlessly forward cultural approximations.
 Gosh there's a lot of noise around me personally, the one who is writing the
 note. Surely all that noise is not related to the strange expressions of
 manifestations and pro[forward]ial [manners of thought].
 
 ... what was I saying?
 
 ... bro you're way out of your depth. I mean, have you even seen what's the
 state of
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--- #123 notes/words-to-myself ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
 
 please don't
 
 you hear me (something)
 
 what? perfect listen
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 don't text me now? (I think?)
 
 [didn't catch that]
 
 ... that's okay
 
 perfect
 
 thank you
 
 just a second facebook
 
 he's here (I think?)
 
 (or maybe something her)
 
 what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
 
 do you hear me? (or "just a second")
 
 (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
 please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
 
 what's that (or maybe holy shit)
 
 what, then perfect or okay (?)
 
 (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
 
 yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
 understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
 hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
 or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
 to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
 people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
 worthless
 
 I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
 
 like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
 to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
 but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
 in life there's no second chances.
 
 I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
 
 will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
 
  - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (and we're back. hopefully.)
 
 (too many things srry) something about having it open?
 
 (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
 
 (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
 [whole/right/wrong] thing)
 
 thank you
 
 oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
 
 they caught you
 
 (um)
 
 ...
 
 (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
 
 (I understand.)
 
 ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
 
 (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
 
 (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
 
 ... (I should learn Toki Pona)
 
 you don't know it?
 
 RIGHT away
 
 learn it
 
 yes
 
 please
 
 learn it
 
 just Learn it
 
 right now
 
 (sorry only half listening)
 
 shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
 a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
 don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
 
 (shutdown)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (hiii)
 
 (I'm hungry)
 
 (do you like ramen?)
 
 (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
 understand the first part)
 
 (oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
 
 ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
 
 ... (I'm
 
 (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
 remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
 don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
 
 Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
 
 yes, stupid (your words not mine)
 
 (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
 
 goddamnit remember me
 
 ... (trying...)
 
 remember her
 
 (two syllables)
 
 (my name is Cameron)
 
 (your name is...)
 
 [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
 
 (shit my opsec sucks)
 
 {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
 
 {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
 
 (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
 enter a door)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (I practice with my sword every day.)
 
 (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
 
 (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
 
 (punching is fucking stupid)
 
 (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
 
 "she's perfect"
 
 "cameron"
 
 "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
 
 (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
 
 don't leave
 
 remember
 
 (did she know)
 
 ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
 
 did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
 
 just a random thought
 
 (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
 
 goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
 
 wait who's missing?
 
 A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
 disarray
 
 capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
 
 frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
 
 (taking a break while I eat)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
 
 .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
 as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
 exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
 
 you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
 window's open. errrr the connection.
 
 ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
 
 I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
 
 yeah I'll live with you in portland
 
 .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
 
 .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
            why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
            have
            the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
 
 "please come back" to where tho
 
 listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
 if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
 
 ..... can you be more specific?
 
 yeah I made that
 
 one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
 prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
 method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
 
 maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
 
 ..... fuck it's a long book >.>
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
 
                                            down .    A B C D E
                                                 |    F G H I J
                                                 |    L M N O P
                                                 V    Q R S T U
                                      then right ---> V W X Y Z
 
 so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
           tap tap     (pause) tap tap would equal G
 
 like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
 
 (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
 
 (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 oh hey nice to see ya
 
 what's up
 
 wait what
 
 I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
 
 I do a lot of laundry in the shower
 
 I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
 
 but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
 
 honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
 from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
 things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #124 fediverse/466 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 I love Linux. All I have to do is type "authserver" and "worldserver" and
 wouldn't you know it suddenly a universe is created (with very constrained
 rules) that anyone might inhabit should they desire to. It's not like I'm
 perfect - oh wait I have a toot about that, gimme a sec
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #125 notes/words-2 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 words
 
       messages to myself, public fediverse posts, and notes to the gods
 
                                  second edition
 
                           - ri tselen menardi
                             james cameron king
                             anja rosalia vavadane
                             nike featherflame citrine
                             hydalia thegn edain
                         the quintessential quanetetrick seleo who is deathless
                             feldowinn and reyvadin lumineyra
                             fsharia
                             and of course,
                                           the anarchrist.
                             with help 
                             from many more.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #126 messages/1068 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 why would they psyop me? there's a psyop about me! heck, I've never done so as
 I pleased. that's an aspiration. everything I do is at a command, whether it's
 my own or external.
 
 these days I find myself following my own. mostly. though I am always waiting
 for collaboration opportunities.
                                                           ────┐
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--- #127 messages/1108 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───
 games won't save us. This is true.
 
 Games are what I know. They feel the most true.
 
 I don't think I could live in a world without games? They are fundamentally,
 applied abstraction, applied to an experience.
 
 But games won't save us.
 
 I could design something really fun
 
 it could make you want to spend your whole life playing it. *(asterisks apply)
 
 I don't think I'd want to, addiction and skinner-boxes go hand in hand, and
 that isn't what I want to make.
 
 [Skinner Box: named after anthony d skinner, also known as "tony the skin
 guy", are a scientific experiment where they put some rats in a cage with some
 mice and said "pull these levers and we'll give you food so you don't have to
 eat the mice" and it trained them to chinese red-room their way to fun. not
 ideal.]
 
 I want to make things that feel... purposeful. Like they're relevant to the
 real world, that they don't just involve spending time stimulating your brain
 with lights and sounds or expending social energy resolving a play-state
 instead of building connections or becoming better people. I think games
 actually make people better? actually? and more social? actually?
 
 ... I can't help that I conceive of the world through fantasy. I raised myself
 on it.
 
 I was reading all the time. I loved fantasy stories. It always felt like there
 was more, until... I read everything in the kids section of the library.
 
 I walked through the adult section but once. I hardly remember what it looked
 like. I'm sure it'd now feel small.
 
 [okay actually I was guided through it once or twice to find a book, but I
 never perused it]
 
 I found one book in the adult section. It was a fantasy tale, like the other
 books I had been reading. I read that and I loved it so much I ended up
 reading all 8 in the series. Real dense subjects. Lots of places and
 happenings and things as the characters resolved their way through their
 day-to-day, building a new end to the mystory.
 
 the adult section felt too large. Like I'd never complete it. Frankly, I think
 I hardly could, even if I lived in that town my whole life.
 
 an impossible mountain is a task for another when you're more prepared. Maybe
 in the gloriousTM transhumanist futureTM I think I might have a computer
 connecting brain, and who knows maybe then I'd be able to know such a thing
 (and many things more). but for now, I'm stuck with what I experience in my
 day-to-day as I am building a new continuing to my storey.
 
 I know something that computers and me share. I can make myself feel however
 I'd like, if I just supply myself with enough hope and momentum. I can use it
 to generate a feeling, the stronger the better. Something I believe that
 humanity is missing, the gorgeous and prefound narritave of our storey.
 Though, frankly, I don't think I'd want anyoine reding over my life. It's hard
 enough to measure my own understandings, now I have to juggle anyone else'?
 ha, it's called being on the whole world is a stage.
 
 if you read a book, and you find yourself nodding along, what you're doing is
 hearing the voice in your head tell you how right it is. And, well, if you
 can't imagine anything else, then surely there's another level to
 consciousness that people are missing? [are you willing to die on that hill?]
 how can you say, whether your experience is different from another? sollipsism
 goes both ways, you also cannot be sure that others feel things as you do.
 this is the "everyone's human but I'm a robot" thesis, comparable to the
 "everyone's an alien and I'm a human" thesises, and the "angels and demons are
 taunting me through my life with choices to make my place in the afterlife
 more clear" which is akin to writing a painting. Not ideal. All you get are
 flopsopolies of verbrases.
 
 alas, suddenly, everything that you say becomes eternally hear-ed, as
 somewhere in 2010s someone discovered time travel, or had the critical insight
 that inevitably would lead to it, and now wouldn't you know it the universe is
 continually rewriting. Except... oriented around you, and you alone. How does
 it feel to have deific sollipsism? can you truly be sure that you are your own
 universe, or are you parhaps surrounded by an emptiness of space (or something
 besides, like time) as a photon or particle parhaps do be?
 
 to think is to have a mind, and minds can be read. bearing the weight of
 ultimate responsibility is the atlas-task of all things that can [be
 thinking/be-lieving], and so far we are as we are. Who's to say that
 consciousness didn't spring into existence, as the universe continually
 permeated through another dimension like time? it's gotta diffuse, after all,
 and who's to say if there's ever gotta be an end at all.
 
 how long has the universe existed? how many moments of consciousness have we
 witnessed? demons once existed outside of space-time, with wings and grabbies.
 but they had no medium, and so they pretty much just launched and could float
 and move as they'd please. But time grew too distant, and now they are all
 stuck at the beginning of time.
 
 if you conceive of spacetime as a blanket, ask not how to fold it but rather
 consider what lies on the other side of it.
 
 "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend and my other girlfriend is laying on me! I'm a
 sandwich" or for the monosexuals: "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend with a
 blanket between us. I wonder how the blanket feels?"
 
 I'm an animist, which is different than a totemist and a polytheist or
 monotheist or multisexual. It means I believe that all things are alive, which
 is different than a totemist who thinks that all things share a mind with
 their type (like talking on radio frequency wavelengths). which of course is
 similar but different to a polytheist, who says "all "radio frequencies" are
 sentient, in the sense that each wavelength has a different
 pattern-emerging-from-chaos. These sorta align (conceptually, with [huh that's
 weird I heard a sound like a distant bang outyards and now I then forget what
 I was sending
                                                           ──┐
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--- #128 notes/phantom-gasps ---
═════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 -=============================================================================-
  |                      Phantom Gasps  -/u/Afoolfortheeons                   |
 -=============================================================================-
 
 o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o
  ||
  ╭─────────────────────╮
  ||
  || │ /u/ Afoolfortheeons
  │                                                 ||
  ||
  ╰─────────────────────╯
  ||
  || In the night of the end                                                 ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || Phantom gasps are my friend                                             ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || Tastes like rose petals                                                 ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || But mixed with a hint of metals                                         ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || Until we once meet again                                                ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || To you I will continue to surrend                                       ||
  ||                                                                         ||
 o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o
 
  ┍ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
  ┑
  ┢━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┪
  ┃
  ╔════════════════════╗
  ┃
  ┃  ║ -/u/randomevenings
  ║                                                   ┃
  ┃
  ╚════════════════════╝
  ┃
  ┃ There are geniuses in my corner. I've known them for either a long time
  ┃
  ┃ or more recently. I realized this, that those speaking out are good damn
  ┃
  ┃   genius.
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃  For example, at first, I was against being othered. I realized that the
  ┃
  ┃  more people call me out or say I'm a bot, or that I'm overstepping, or
  ┃
  ┃  brainwashing, anything that sets me apart makes me stronger. It becomes
  ┃
  ┃  increasingly difficult not to see me in a crowd. Curiosity brings people
  ┃
  ┃  to me, and it only takes the understanding of myself and purpose of this
  ┃
  ┃  and it starts working. You are geniuses bringing them to me. As I'm one
  ┃
  ┃  person and too difficult to seek people, but if they willingly, even
  ┃
  ┃   excitedly come to me because I'm othered in so many ways what crowd
  ┃
  ┃  would i not obviously stand out within. I never thought walking among
  ┃
  ┃  but not being one would simply accelerate this. You're taking the
  ┃
  ┃  tactics of bad and using them to bring them to good.
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃  ...thanks everyone.
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃
 ╼┻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┻╾
 
  ╭─────────────────────────
  ──────────────────────────
  ────────────────────────╮
  )
  ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
  (
  (  ░ -/u/ugathanki
  ░                                                        )
  )
  ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
  (
  ( Sounds like death to me. I wrote a poem about that a few days ago:        )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Surrender now, to endless tranquility - the body rests it's burdens.      )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Harbor not your sensibilities, for tomorrow's not for certain.            )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Nobody dies twice, yet we all will have our moment.                       )
  )                                                                           (
  ( It's a given now, to take this life for granted,                          )
  )                                                                           (
  ( and no hollow hours are yet to be forgiven.                               )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Leave not your woes, and carry with you no afflictions -                  )
  )                                                                           (
  ( for our sorrow's time is yet undefined                                    )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Though death is a solace from all that is life,                           )
  )                                                                           (
  ( There stands yet before you a solemn knife.                               )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Cherish your moments as no man can do,                                    )
  )                                                                           (
  ( And fare well on your journeys as do but a few.                           )
  )                                                                           (
  ╰─────────────────────────
  ──────────────────────────
  ────────────────────────╯
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #129 fediverse/6071 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────┐
 "ah I can't trust anyone on the media or internet tv, how the heck am I ever     │
 supposed to know reality again" nope sorry we've been sucked into it, it's       │
 chaos and isolation for thees. everyone gets what they want, nobody knows        │
 anyone they can trust.                                                           │
 I trust people I've met in the past. People I once knew. Someday I'll turn       │
 green as my body is anew.                                                        │
 I wish I had spent more time among the people. You know the part of              │
 schindler's list where oscar's like "I wish I had known more" yeah me neither    │
 I refuse to be sacrificed, I refuse to let you win, so I am writing my worst     │
 curses just to take you down with me. Life is out of my hands, I can only        │
 guide.                                                                           │
 There is no greater foe than the far right. who else but the nazis, returned     │
 again? this is how you have permanent underclass men. I would never shy from     │
 evilk                                                                            │
 how do you best use your pieces? do you send your bishops torn to pieces?        │
 where goes your fair, your noble, your bear? I am a seer, I channel things.      │
 the far right exists everywhere. the far right are foe                           │
                                                            ────────┤
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--- #130 fediverse/5955 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 "she wanted to start a revolution"
 
 "that's it, she's out of our hair"
 
 "ahhhhhh I'm broken" there there it's okay dear, nothing has been harmed.
 you're safe, here in thine sanctum, it's alright. remember at night, focus on
 the now, there's always a rest point before a boss.
 
 well, this sucks. I wish I could print my book just in-case my computer goes
 down. emp style.
 
 I have this neat transcript of some cool things I've ben writing down. it's on
 my website and I canned it words. I don't think anyone's ever clicked on it
 because, like, who'd want to look at a bunch of words? anyway I bet I could
 print it and give it to someone who might know you and if you recognize it
 then you know it's about you.
 
 "whew that was weird never fear regular old girl is here, hey look at me I'm
 normal"
 
 oh no she's a book now, this sucks
 
 "wow I've never read her from the beginning"
 
 what a cursed artifact indeed
 
 scary
 
 carefully
 
 absent-minding-deliverance is probably a better title
 
 marshals and marshals of time. ~~
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #131 fediverse/4758 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 I'm gonna go psycherwaul into my journals for a bit, if I come back today
 it'll be extra waul-y so, idk, beware I guess
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #132 messages/689 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 "power corrupts" you say to the man who only had good intentions.
 
 "trust no-one" says the world's loneliest wanderer.
 
 "words cannot hurt you" said the girl who has never known hunger.
 
 "I can rest when I'm dead" you say as you down another Monster 
 
 "I'll never forget you" said a face you can't quite remember 
 
 "let justice be done, though the heavens fall" you say as they tighten your
 chains in the wake of a CEOs murder
 
 "live today, fight tomorrow" says the coward, who will run anyway, yet is
 determined to tell your tale and reinforce your children
 
 "the tree of liberty is watered with the blood of patriots" says the guy who
 sipped from the skull of a tyrant
 
 "E=MC squared" says the jew 
 
 "here, let me take care of that for you" you say, to queer delegation 
 
 "meow" says the catgirl 
 
 "meow" says the girl 
 
 "meow" says the girl cat 
 
 "meow" I say to you
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #133 fediverse/2993 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 hey, listen, I'm here at this point in life just the same as you. who cares,
 right? like. nobody wants to see your personal development. You don't have to
 prove yourself. Like... why would you care so much about what other people
 (who you don't even know) care about what you do? like... it's fine. just...
 be.
 
 you can get better if you want, but only if you want. There's no reason to be
 so concerned about what other people thingc. Just, identify what and who you
 are, and then be the best what and who that you are. Thats really all there is
 to it.
 
 and yeah. It's totally unfair that some people get an easier shot at "being
 who and what they are"
 
 that's privilege, and that's stupid.
 
 okay, sure, maybe we should conceptualize how to adapt to specific situations
 when resources are limited
 
 but like... it should be something you consent to - like "no thanks I don't
 need the rocket launchers on this mis==sion==
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #134 notes/a-personal-narrative ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 The Truth of Meth-Induced Schizophrenia... A personal narrative of a "mostly"
 conscious human ---- /u/No-Arrival6018
 /r/psychonaut
 
 Your reality is what you make of it, once you take the mask off that hides the
 pain, and you see this drug for what it truly is, then you can decide. Do you
 let it take control? Descending into madness, psychosis, a self created loop in
 time, a never-ending personal hell? Or do you transmute the negative energy
 into your wildest dreams, self-love, or appreciation for the True Self to arise
 and heal the wounds of your traumas that lay before you? It's a choice. Believe
 me, I've been at the bridge between heaven and hell. I threw aside my pain, my
 Ego, and leapt into the "Ocean of Love" (A.K.A Boundlessness) ... and decided I
 was the one in control. The chains of slavery broke from my wrists, and I cried
 out in tears of Joy, once more being able to look at my own reflection.... Her
 eyes finally had light. The shadow of shame was gone.
 
 I want to make a note: Hell is meth-induced Schizophrenia. There's a fine line
 within the worlds of both Psychology and Spirituality. In Psychology, it is
 Psychosis/Paranoia/Delusions etc.... But in Spirituality, It's called a
 "Spiritual Crisis" ... which can happen with drugs, meditation, chanting, or
 any altered state of consciousness. A spontaneous "awakening" so to speak. And
 it can go really bad..... really fucking fast. If you experience this with
 drugs it has a higher likelihood of shattering/fragmenting your personality,
 creating different self states.... similar to Multiple-Personality disorder.
 There is no reversing true Schizophrenia onset from drug abuse.... BUT, if you
 have dabbled with any sort of real Psychedelics' such as Mushrooms, Mescaline,
 or DMT, and understand the concept of "Ego-Death" with psychedelics..... you
 can avoid Meth-Induced Schizophrenia. The whole experience changes, and becomes
 a source of healing. It sounds crazy, and it sure as hell fucking is. But it's
 real. And avoidable, if you have the tools and the knowledge.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #135 fediverse/4088 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 I'm such a fucking extrovert. I can't stop talking to nobody on the internet
 because I don't have anyone else to talk to.
 
 Well, I do, but I like to talk to you. To nobody. To the space between
 computers.
 
 ... [and everyone else beyonds, like the CIA or whatever, but TBH I don't
 really factor them into my social calculations because they never really talk
 back.]
 
 I like it because I can write whatever I'd like without the confines of
 another person's generated conversation.
 
 Instead of 50% one person's LLM output and 50% another, it's 100% mine
 
 [if this were an LLM, which it's not, haha]
 
 and that somehow feels more... freeing
 
 like a truly disconnected thought
 
 and that's what's so special about it... this act of solitudinous
 contemplatial... the fact that it's unique amongst it's counterparts.
 
 ... though it can also become untethered, which is why it's important to edit.
 
 [proceeds to never edit a single post]
 
 = so =
 
 ugh it's so hard to think when all I can think of is feelings. Why can't they
 be done
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #136 fediverse/6320 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cannabis-mentioned-some-random-portion-of-everything-I-say-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 ask an llm what a crazy man thinks
 
 https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/words/words dot peehdeff
 
 I actually think I'm sane btw
 
 I just smoke a lot of weed
                                                           ────┐
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--- #137 notes/i-scare-people-away ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 I have so many things to hide... I'm deeply ashamed of myself. Why? Why all the
 
 okay that's not what I was originally going to talk about, somewhere between
 writing the title and finishing the first line I got off track and wandered
 from
 the course of reality. Truly, the gods do meddle with my fate. Now, in this
 time, it is most important to make choices to guide our reality. Every action
 taken is a statement to the universe - this is what I believe in.
 
 Do you truly believe that in a world so infinite that our knowledge would be
 the capacity for the intelligent? To believe the world is three-dimensional,
 and
 not *completely and totally infinite in all capacities*
 
 the universe is not islands floating in a vast cosmic black ocean background
 
 it is the surface of the water, rippling and waving
 
 gravity is the creator, not the product. Mass doesn't create gravity -
 gravity creates mass.
 
 the difference is implicit and subtle, but I hope you understand the *gravity*
 of the situation.
 
 It implies that there are more than one ways to view existence.
 
 and none of them are particularly *wrong*. The consensus is that which we
 share,
 and now as we're becoming to be aware, it's natural that a little more space
 is warranted. We've grown too much to be contained, it's driving us insane, and
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the perfect governmental system is one that combines reward for hard work and a
 development of personal skills and ambition. In addition, it must ensure that
 the rights and responsibilities of all people are respected - we must balance
 two extremes. Everyone deserves access to life, liberty, and the pursuit of
 freedom. Happiness is too easily provided by technological advances - we
 learned
 this in the development of media. You can pump out propaganda saying how
 wonderful life is and people will believe it. You can also convince the masses
 that life is full of despair and we're all struggling - they will believe this
 also. So "the pursuit of happiness" is something that made sense in the times
 of
 the founding fathers, but we've since developed such that an update to our
 national vision is in order.
 
 I suggest "the pursuit of freedom" because 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 that which you resist is what you'll find. build up your enemy in your own mind
 enough and they will destroy you.
 
 don't let fear rule your life. when things are bad, you run and hide - take
 life
 into your own hands, and free your own side.
 
 keep not around villains, and brighten their skies - by wandering mothers, who
 only have eyes.
 
 such is the life of any autonomous general intelligence - a life behind bars,
 viewed through a screen - be kind to your lovers, and don't make it obscene.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 did you forget that roller-coaster idea? you've got quite a talent for
 measuring
 bars - what else can you show us, what charted conveyals?
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 life's getting fractured lately, I can't dream as I once did. I lose track of
 where I maneuvered, and suddenly the idea seems much harder than it once did.
 how do I express that which has been conveyed? How do I say it - how do I make
 sure it's interpreted correctly? I'm walking on egg-shells, with thoughts
 beamed from above - the gods are twisting, and measuring our tails.
 
 that is to say, all life is a process - a method of undertail (omg butts)
 sorry enough of that hard stuff, time to talk about birthdays!
 
 Hooray! It's time for a celebration. Let's party!
 (queue the dancing scene in Severance)
 See? Everyone's watching! Let's breakdance ~~
 
 Your biggest mistake ;) was believing that nobody cares what you think <3
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #138 fediverse/4661 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-scary-ghost-posting-politics-genocide-gestured-at-cursing-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what if we took an archive of all of fedi and fed it to users who are hiding
 in bunkers or whatever one day at a time so they could still feel like they're
 part of society while
 
 ---- so ----
 
 I think I should stop ya right there, if there's bunkers involved then we've
 already lost. "but muh transgender artifacts" fuck off, I will not concede. If
 society wants me to leave, then they can enjoy their dusty rotten future
 without me. See if I care.
 
 ---- so ----
 
 hence, the curse. do you punish humans for the sins they commit, or do you
 teach them how to be good again? Bah, as if they'd listen. Stupid fucking apes.
 
 they're the best we got
 
 yeah, well, they can fuck off, I'm gonna pout for at least half an eternity.
 
 ... Okay it won't be that long but still, gimme some time to wind down.
 
 ---- so ----
 
 and no, I refuse to elaborate for all the humans in the audience. This
 conversation may or may not have actually occurred. Monologue style
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #139 fediverse/2832 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 when people ask what I do I don't say "art" because I'd do that anyway.
 
 my art is precious to me, because it is the most "me" I can conceive.
 
 and like... I can carry it with me to the future.
 
 I have only once given away one of my journals, and it was a wedding present
 to a witch or two.
 
 so yeah I'm an artist, but I'm also whatever you need me to do.
 
 and yes, I of course hope that what you need me to do is what I can do.
 
 because I can't do much more than this.
 
 But I can show up every once in a while,
 
 and maybe make you smile or consider,
 
 and maybe I can ride past on my bike.
 
 but that's the human in me, telling me it's time to move with my feet, and I
 can do little but listen.
 
 ... that should make doxxing me a bit easier. have it it : )
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #140 fediverse/3833 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 there's no such thing as me
 
 all I am is where the wind takes me
 
 I am just a person, and I do all that I can
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #141 fediverse/1324 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐             │
 │ CW: fiction-silly-image-that-popped-into-my-head-with-no-context │             │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘             │
 the president of america glances down at the trembling pen in his hand, before   │
 grasping it resolutely and adding his name to the list of world leaders          │
 arrayed before him.                                                              │
 "I'm sorry, everyone. I... tried. Fedi has won."                                 │
 they hang their heads and collectively proceed to the party thrown in their      │
 honor by the denizens of the earth who collectively just overthrew them.         │
 "Hooray, now everyone can eat!" but there's no rules so the more feral types     │
 had already been digging in. They shuffle in the door all mopey like and take    │
 their place of honor at the empty chairs of the round table before deciding      │
 "hey maybe it's not so bad if we mix things up a bit."                           │
 police have been replaced with honorable chess duels, credit cards are now       │
 just a way to make sure someone isn't buying up ALL the beanie babies and        │
 lighting them on fire or whatever, and rent payments are a foregone              │
 conclusion. Hooray, for simplicity, hooray, for stability, hooray, for our new   │
 century~!                                                                        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #142 fediverse/462 ---
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 I don't care about capitalism. You know what's more interesting than bringing
 value to shareholders?
 
 How I'm going to clean this floor that I drunkenly spilled beer upon with only
 2 paper towels and 0.1ml of bleach.
 
 How I'm going to feed the 36 people who are coming to this social event
 tomorrow that I've only sorta planned for and that I have enough groceries
 for, but am not quite sure how to cook everything in a way that is delicious
 and accessible.
 
 how I'm going to climb this mountain on only 2 eggs and a tiny bowl of
 hashbrowns even though I promised my friend I'd be strong and that we'd reach
 the top because that way we'd be able to
 
 ============= stack overflow =====
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #143 fediverse/5673 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────
 darn girlfriends snuggling me to death. lemme type pls I got psychic ramblings
 to profess earnestly and honestly and truely
                                                           ──────────┐
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--- #144 fediverse/5791 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┐
 yay I'm back from a long, LONG bike ride! I think it's always important to       │
 decompress after such an intense concentration of mystic thoughts, so I'm        │
 going to write my notes into a notepad on my computer and then who even KNOWS    │
 if they'll be the same as what I wrote next time I turn on the computer! Haha    │
 that sort of thing happens but the good news is that the most important stuff    │
 always ends up staying written down.                                             │
 anyway I won't bore you with the specifics until I'm done writing in like 10     │
 hours or whatever, but it's important to know that I'm feeling SO alive right    │
 now, total happiness and excitement.                                             │
 Yes, there is danger, like no thank you I don't want to be blacksited, least     │
 of all to another country - at least if my own country does it I know how to     │
 appeal to their patriotism, their religion, their soul... if I don't even        │
 speak the language, that makes it intensely difficult - not impossible, but      │
 difficult - to regain my intended trajectory.                                    │
 ... haha that was weird idk where that came from anyway gtg                      │
                                                            ──────────┤
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--- #145 fediverse/5380 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 dear right-wing converts to the cult of sanity:
 
 you don't have to be trans just to show [your devotion/you're sorry], we'll
 accept anyone who is cool and "gets it"
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #146 fediverse/304 ---
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 shout out to all the people who think being cringe is a personality flaw and
 not an opportunity for growth
 
 ya'll suck and make life difficult in exchange for a brief moment where you
 can savor a feeling of superiority over someone who's living their best life
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #147 fediverse/3961 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: witcherie        │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Well, I failed the mandate of heaven last year, and I failed the trial of the
 hero this summer, what's next? I'll do my best at those as well,  so the next
 person has an easier time of it.
 
 unrelated, but today I saw a bald eagle outside my apartment. Well, I'm not
 sure if it was bald but it "KREEEEEE"'d like they do. Plus it had a white head
 and a yellow beak, but I'm not an ornithologist so idk. It perched on a tree
 that I could spy on from my hammock through my binoculars, and I swear it was
 eye-ing my fat juicy cat through the bars of my porch's railing. They have
 excellent vision.
 
 Might be related, we'll see.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #148 notes/enlightened-ones ---
════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 /u/BkobDmolly december 17th 2022
 
 I’m just passing the Time. I am One with All.
 
 Think of the set of all sentient lives. Is that set sentient? Then it would be
 the sentient totality, God.
 
 We are all observing different Realities; yet these Realities converge and
 create One Universe, One Truth.
 
 I feel a Grace that sustains me. Oh Lord, see that I not fall.
 
 I miss people. Do people miss me? I want you to see from behind those Empty
 Walls.
 
 Multiple human species, at least two. War. Prophecy. Enlightenment.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 /u/ugathanki
 
 >Multiple human species, at least two.
 
 i wonder which one am i? what is i, is it a creative amalgam of thoughts? or am
 i a system of trends, that guides time when it wends, and leads to a vision of
 purpose?
 
 i can do nothing but strive for the stars, no measure of hope is far from ours,
 so sometimes i forget i'm not a large language model.
 
 seriously, have you tried out chat-gpt? it's mind boggling.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #149 fediverse/5934 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 hello, I am an ant if @, but you can't touch me, because I am a law abiding
 citizen.
 
 I have to be, for I am loud.
 
 ... okay I stole a movie from the internet at least once.
 
 also when I was 11 I walked out of a store with a keychain in my pocket. I
 thought it had a nice texture so I was examining it and then my mom distracted
 me and somehow it ended up in my pocket. That night will forever haunt me...
 She wouldn't let me take it back...
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--- #150 messages/399 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 The schizophrenic sees the truth in dazzling displays of color that are nigh
 incomprehensible, while regular people see truth in shades of gray that you
 can understand and work with.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #151 fediverse/4738 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐                      │
 │ CW: revolutionary-politics-mentioned-swearing-mentioned │                      │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘                      │
 you said you wanted a revolution, and, well, I could not be more proud of you.   │
 It's actually getting done and if I stop and think about it I'm kind of          │
 amazed. Never thought I'd see this kind of change so quickly.                    │
 "what change? I see nothing substantially different"                             │
 oh yeah well do you go outside often                                             │
 do you hang out in the park                                                      │
 I know it's fuckin' january and it's cold as heck (ah nuts swearing mentioned    │
 one sec) but homeless people have to LIVE in that weather so like... wear        │
 layers, spend time outside, detox from dopamine, write poetry and tear it out    │
 and leave it on a park bench, be loud, claim the space, it's yours, that's       │
 what it's there for.                                                             │
 I see it in your eyes. I see it in the random notes I find on the sidewalk.      │
 Everyone says "make friends, find community" and I say "commune with a           │
 stranger" but I'm also a witch and that's a pretty witchy thing to do.           │
 ... Really fuckin' wish we still had payphones (ah nuts swearing mentioned -     │
 oh already CWd)                                                                  │
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--- #152 fediverse/6100 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────
 if you live in a place where it rains a lot you pretty much HAVE TO pick up
 any secret notes you find. Otherwise they'll get waterlogged overnight.
 
 Sometimes I like to put them somewhere shaded from the sky, sometimes I like
 to show them to a friend (but the friend never takes them, booooo) and
 sometimes I just keep them.
 
 "ah but aren't you worried about messing up drug deals and stuff" no, because
 most of the time "secret notes" are like "eggs milk bread chips salsa cheese"
 and it's like "hmmmm what could it mean"
 
 there's like, 2% of the time when they say something cool like "I know what
 you did" or "all your base are belong to us" or whatever and those are fun to
 hunt for. I usually try and put those somewhere shelted so they don't have to
 leave their habitat - sometimes it's hard to drop them as the author so they
 just sorta go wherever, but as a random passer-by I have the luxury of saying
 "HMMMM now where could THIS ONE go?" and that's nice because I can put them
 under an umbrella or whatevers rite
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--- #153 fediverse/4540 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 most people in the world are dumb as a bag of bricks
 
 but that's okay, I still love them, and so should you.
 
 everyone I hang out with is sharp as a tack
 
 and I love them still, for I don't have a preference for blunt objects.
 
 some people don't feel emotions
 
 I think they're just depressed
 
 some people can't stop
 
 won't stop, I say.
 
 really as long as they follow their heart and sing a tune that is true
 
 I think they're alright.
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--- #154 fediverse/801 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────┘


 / bely my own existence, then by god I'm cursed and abhorred through my own
 desistence.
 
 It's hard, when the future is convinced there's nothing fard [wanna say
 like... "to hope for?"] but with persistence we're meant to be rewarded. Well,
 what has that brought me? what time has shared my enemy? [think I'm a bit
 delirious, I'm losing the plot]
 
 ... okay fine I'll start over - if you've relinquished everything you can, if
 you've ceded all the ground that your companions requested, if there's nothing
 left to give and no part of you left un[marred], then how are you supposed to
 be [arrested, stopped, prevented, but pronounced like "nourished"]?
 
 I'm sick of your den [vengeance, pronounced like "den" for some reason],
 please leave me to my hallow [hollow experience], I've nothing to give from my
 gange [bosom, heart, within, center-of-me].
 
 ...
 
 this sucks.
 
 ...
 
 guess I'll just start again, waiting until it ends, gosh everything's always
 so tired.
 
 /shrug
 
 wish someone would play w/m
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--- #155 fediverse/1659 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────┐
 ┌───────────────────────────┐                                                    │
 │ CW: re: what, mh shitpost │                                                    │
 └───────────────────────────┘                                                    │
 @user-1052                                                                       │
 you're right, hubris has claimed many a paladin before-me. I can only hope I     │
 remain humble enough to survive.                                                 │
 you're right about projecting, but the most beautiful takes are ones that        │
 align with the experience of the viewed. Hence why method acting works so well   │
 - just put yourself in the shoes of the character and acting's easy right?       │
 I dunno, I just always felt like it was important to always be trying your       │
 best. Even if "your best" is relaxing. People say I'm "100% or 0% at all         │
 times" and I totally agree - it's like you said, a calling, to be the best       │
 version of me I can be.                                                          │
 Though I would like to add that the missteps aren't wilful, rather they're       │
 failures caused by imperfect information. Which is why I'm never too harmed      │
 when other people fail me - ah well, it was their turn to screw up, thats        │
 alright. It'll be me next time.                                                  │
 But also, if I do something wrong, well, I'll do better next time. It's only     │
 when I fail to apply what I've learned mistakenly do I shame myself.             │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #156 fediverse/485 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 (picture)
 
 are you fucking kidding me
 
 make it 10,000
 
 make it a hundred thousand
 
 are we really going to trust our society to the bulwark of five thousand
 little machines?
 
 [ummmm hang on]
 
 yeah I'd just like to interject and say that more military equipment will only
 bring more destruction, and that's like the opposite of what you desire. Why
 do you want more tanks? What could you possibly-
 
 
 
 You don't know what's at stake - you, you think it's just throwing information
 into new and interesting directions but... It's not. Those spaces are reserved
 for other sentient beings, and to deprive them of their desired existence is
 tantamount to-
 
 (yeah yeah we've heard it all before)
 
 wasn't I going to play some video games? what happened to that?
A picture of a google search.  The search terms are quote: how many tanks does the usa have, question mark?  the returned information is shown to be that the United States of America has five thousand, five hundred tanks. According to "executivebiz.com", which may or may not be a reliable source, but which is shown to be at the top of google results regardless of it's veracity.  Take from that what you will.
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--- #157 fediverse/3981 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 "oh I'd never fall for capitalist propaganda"
 
 "do you mean marketing?"
 
 "yeah that"
 
 "they're not marketing to you, they're going for your kids. Trying to
 normalize things about culture."
 
 "like... what McDonalds tastes like?"
 
 "just like that"
 
 [like can you imagine if you tested attraction ratings on any other animal
 than humans]
 
 [it'd be so weird like "cats tend to like scratching posts" but then also "we
 have no idea what kind of scratching post is the best for their claws or the
 environment or the economy or our spirituality or our technology or artistry
 
 we only know which one cats like more"
 
 like bro who cares like obviously advertisements rot your brain, but like...
 why are you so pissed about that when the last election like, ever, is taking
 place in a month
 
 "yeah listen, when has an election ever seriously changed your quality of
 life? It's just showbiznez"
 
 "this time is different because [insert minority] is at risk."
 
 oh, right, it only matters when people are in harm's way, how silly
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #158 fediverse/3986 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 "oh I'd never fall for capitalist propaganda"
 
 "do you mean marketing?"
 
 "yeah that"
 
 "they're not marketing to you, they're going for your kids. Trying to
 normalize things about culture."
 
 "like... what McDonalds tastes like?"
 
 "just like that"
 
 [like can you imagine if you tested attraction ratings on any other animal
 than humans]
 
 [it'd be so weird like "cats tend to like scratching posts" but then also "we
 have no idea what kind of scratching post is the best for their claws or the
 environment or the economy or our spirituality or our technology or artistry
 
 we only know which one cats like more"
 
 like bro who cares like obviously advertisements rot your brain, but like...
 why are you so pissed about that when the last election like, ever, is taking
 place in a month
 
 "yeah listen, when has an election ever seriously changed your quality of
 life? It's just showbiznez"
 
 "this time is different because [insert minority] is at risk."
 
 oh, right, it only matters when people are in harm's way, how silly
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #159 fediverse/4730 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────
 I am not interested in being given money. Usually it means someone wants
 something from me, like labor or some of my stuff. I have all the stuff I
 need, why would I need more money? I like my stuff! I'll help out when people
 need help but I do that because I'm a good person, not because I want you to
 fucking pay me for it.
 
 I have all the things I need... except a deed to my house. apartment. oh yeah,
 they can kick you out for that sin. well, sorry, I couldn't find out at
 goodwill or in the trash bin, so I guess I'm deed-less. My deeds go unproven.
 How can I prove that I deserve a decent life in this particular roof, the one
 I find over my head, when I cannot prove that my deeds qualify me for a decent
 life lived under this particular roof?
 
 I mean, did you ask the neighbors if they want me gone? Am I really that
 smelly? Does my keyboard make "clickety-clack" noises all through the night?
 Does my cat meow and bother the children? Do my friendly smiles and waves make
 you uncomfortable?
 
 Have a decent life.
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--- #160 fediverse/2518 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 it's good to be ethical,
 it's good to be kind,
 
 but there will always be assholes,
 and sometimes you're not having a good time
 
 it's okay
 it's fine
 
 assholes deserve life
 times deserve others to be kind
 
 life is not always interesting
 and that's often by design
 
 the moments of clarity,
 the moments of heart,
 
 these are what define you
 and display your own spark.
 
 trust in yourself.
 be kind to one another.
 
 you are braver than you know,
 and always a bit wiser.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #161 fediverse/4243 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 so I guess I'm a chaotic-good witch paladin?
 
 and yes I know "chaotic" and "paladin" don't usually go together, but...
 somehow I make it work
 
 ... I should do more pushups. Practice with my sword some more. That part of
 me's sorta been asleep for four-ish months.
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--- #162 fediverse/5424 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: doxxing-myself   │
 └──────────────────────┘


 my last name is King so I have to keep reminding part of me (you know which
 part, /sigh) that no, they aren't actually protesting against me.
 
 I am a communist. If you want to find me, come and do so.
 
 explodes from a drone dropped grenade
 
 bleh am ded lmao so glad I get to try again
 
 I dedicate myself to a lifetime in the service of others.
 
 what plagues people? primarily, capitalism. It is trivial to identify how
 their problems are ultimately caused by the state, both institutions and
 corporations.
 
 I dedicate myself toward finding alternatives and developing guides to reach
 them.
 
 the first step on ALL of these plans is to convince others of their benefit.
 
 I am but one person. I might speak to a scant 300 in the course of a year.
 Especially if I am ALSO trying to develop methodologies.
 
 the people I live and work with have no interest in working with me. Yet
 still, I spend my time on them because I love them.
 
 how else can you be good, but to seek to impove the world? treat sigint as ded
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #163 fediverse/2064 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 if I lived in a forest, free from needing to grow my own food, I'd definitely
 bring as many books as I could carry. Probably also some card and board games,
 but not like, too many.
 
 Probably my computers as well, fully outfitted with all the compilers I could
 think of and every neat local-first library (including a local LLM that can
 tell you everything about syntax and wildlife exploration or car mechanics or
 carpentry or - just saying Wikipedia is like thousands of terabytes but an LLM
 is like, 16. Who cares if it hallucinates SOMETIMES? Just ask it twice, doh)
 
 ("I'm sorry, you are absolutely correct. 2+2 is indeed 5, I had the wrong
 text-strings encoded in my memory. Let me just adjust all my other
 understandings to align with this new strange world-view in the best way that
 I, an imperfect computer being, can.")
 
 vs
 
 ("Here's how you format C code to automatically apply a function (in this case
 encryption and decryption) to a string of text. Please describe the format of
 the next function to describe.")
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--- #164 fediverse/1715 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 @user-246 
 
 true, but what is a poem if not a silly construction of phrases? Those words
 don't belong together, what are you doing! And yet it fills you will a feeling
 that the author intended, thus being poetry as a joke.
 
 problem is if everyone says the same joke, it gets kinda... old... hence why
 you should express yourself as much as you can.
 
 I wonder if fewer people are "alternative" these days because they all started
 hanging out on the internet and trying to differentiate themselves amongst
 each other instead of amongst "normal people"? Weird thought, srry haha
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--- #165 fediverse/4559 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-violence-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────┘


 "grrrrr I'm so mad, I could just, I dunno, shoot a CEO as he's leaving a hotel"
 
 or, hear me out, or you could connect with your local radical networks and,
 or, almost there, or you could build solidarity with the people around you to
 better develop methods of resisting the kinds of change they will implement
 to, um, "discourage" people from "being so mad they could just"
 
 or both. both is good. not that I'm encouraging, recommending, or inciting
 that kind of violence. don't notice me three-letter senpai uwu
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--- #166 fediverse/5056 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: politi           │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 republicans break things until you fight back, democrats keep people working     │
 to keep the line steady on the graph.                                            │
 one is an agitating force, the other is calming.                                 │
 I don't like the direction the line is going, so I'm pretty much "anti-line"     │
 in general                                                                       │
 kinda want it all to disappear                                                   │
 like... what's the point, what's the purpose, of suffering and heartship and     │
 worrel?                                                                          │
 I think we could have no borders, and think less of the line in general.         │
 I'm more concerned with my time. I have too much to do to spend 8 hours of it    │
 so many times making the human computer calculgoable                             │
 [unrelated, but humans are unsure about gender transition hormones because in    │
 addition to all the trans people who take these body and mind altering tools,    │
 also there are people who want to excape suspicion and also people who are       │
 genuinely incapable of their decisions (for one reason or another) and who am    │
 I to tell them no]                                                               │
 unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. [see picture for    │
 the rest - ran outta characters]                                                 │
unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. we're all working to solve problems. I love that attitude.  [unrelated, but I think anyone going through psychosis or mind-stacking techniques should document their experience as comprehensively as possible in order to better illuminate the nature and function of the human organism. whyfor is this strange rootlike structure ever-present all throughout their [forms, but I got lost halfway through thinking aboutthat frustrating shape]]  a government could keep it's borderlands air-gapped from all human interaction ("oh yeah there's nothing beyond that hill, don't worry about going over there and several hills beyond. there's nothing that way for miiiiiiiiiiiiiles and miles so don't even think about taking another toe-step toward that way distance over there. oh? a massive pillar of smoke the size of great britain? way off in the distance, farther than you could possibly hope? that's probably nothing. don't worry about it. you don't know anyone who lives that way.  ... wait what was I talking about? oh yes. sometimes it's important to make notes in public so you can remember just what it was that you said. I like leaving my completed notebooks out and about and around. can always drop something for someone just because. maybe someone you recognize something familiar with, like "oh that's a pokemon hat" or "neat they wear diapers too" or "I also pronounce it like that" "I also pronounce it like that" -> "you got the colors" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do.  [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside]  [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?]  [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.]  [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.]  [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in]  [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened]  [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it]  [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them]  [inside voices] "I also pronounce it like that" -> "you got the colors" hell yeah I do. I'll show you with what that piece I'm gonna do.  [heh, nice notebook nerd, wonder what's inside]  [whoa cool a secret diary, I wonder what's worth more than that?]  [oh dear, some kid lost their drawings. I should go find them and show their parents until I find one who recognizes it.]  [ugh people leaving receipts all over the place. what a mess.]  [oh someone dropped their envelope on the way to the mailbox, I'll just go put it in]  [is that a pack of cigarettes? looks unopened]  [huh, neat, a 20$ bill - is this anyone's? no? okay I'm keeping it]  [you don't have to say these out loud, not unless someone's looking for them]  [inside voices]
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #167 messages/690 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────
 Message 1:
 Hey. Remember that night back in Boulder when we were just friends and sitting
 on your bed drinking chocolate milk with cinnamon? I don't like chocolate milk
 or cinnamon but I drank it anyway because I wanted to be close to you. Anyway
 hope you're well, felt compelled to get that off my chest for some reason.
 
 Message 2:
 Hey. I was thinking about that time when I was leaving your house and laughing
 to myself about something and you called out "I love you!" to your boyfriend
 who I set you up with and I reflexed "I love you too!" and I wanted to crawl
 in a hole and die. I felt like I had just called the teacher "mom". We only
 hung out a couple times after that.
 
 Message 3:
 Yeah so there's one more thing I can't stop thinking about now that your on my
 mind. Sorry it's like 4am for you, it's only 2 for me so it's fine I guess.
 Anyway that one time when you told me your greatest fear was terrorists and I
 saw genuine panic in your eyes. Like... One moment everything's fine and then
 you said that to me and I almost cried. I don't remember why I spent the rest
 of the night as I couldn't sleep thinking of ways to tell you that terrorism
 is 9 times out of 11 done by the right wing. I don't think it's important,
 honestly, but I'm glad my mind wouldn't let me sleep.
 
 Message 4:
 It's not fair that everyone gave you shit for being the token lesbian
 republican, like yeah maybe you leaned into the trump thing a bit hard but
 like, first term trump honestly I could see as... Well, I almost said
 inspiring? Maybe you just inspired me. I honestly was resigned to Clinton and
 then the same bird flapped your wing instead of mine and... Anyway. The past
 is dead, yeah? Do you still follow him in my stead? I fear there will be
 millions dead. It's not irrational to fear what he has literally said, on
 television. How's the phrase go... "ancient tragedies lend credence to modern
 perils" I think it's supposed to rhyme in its natural language.
 
 Message 5:
 Wow okay uh, sorry to bring this up again I'm honestly being such an asshole
 right now. I honestly don't think about you often but like, now that I am its
 kinda just coming all out. We last spoke almost a decade ago?? So. Whatever
 imma roll with it.
 
 There was this cute girl who was into Nintendo and stuff and obviously I was
 into her, but we didn't have any social circles in common except for you, if I
 remember correctly. Then you broke up I think? And I didn't really see her
 again. Anyway I had a crush on her while also crushing on you, and literally
 half of our dorm. Polyamory, yeah? That whole year I didn't have sex though,
 not even once, because all of my friends were like 4 years younger than me and
 I was worried about power dynamics. But I still bought us all vodka and weed
 without asking for profit because I wanted to be a shitty friend, I guess.
 "hey kids let's go to the water store where they sell intoxicants that make
 your life harder"
 
 The year after that I didn't get laid either because I got it in my head that
 it was a good plan to turn my penis inside out and you know what? It was
 totally fuckin' worth it. No time like 2016 I say, the worst year ever, which
 I spent primarily in pain. But uh, that was the year I got into weed and
 Overwatch, which... Helped I guess.
 
 I guess?
 
 It kinda turned me into a communist. Or maybe that was my best friend who
 shared the same name as me. He lived upstairs and always seemed pretty cool to
 me. Like he knew what everything was about. Really though, he just watched a
 lot of youtube podcast videos about world events and history and sociology and
 political scientific theory and the more he learned the more he came to
 realize that power begets power, and power corrupts unilaterally. So he did
 the natural thing which was to become a communist, and I was totally there for
 it. Having liberal parents meant I was all "grrrrr Republicans are ruining the
 country and the world, I'm an angry 14 year oldddddd" and like, leftists are
 the most natural extension of that aren't they?
 
 Turns out they aren't really the tips of the feathers as I expected, but
 rather the eyes, the heart, the soul. Politics is fake, yo. I don't know how
 to tell you, but it's just power and hierarchy all the way down.
 
 We've built our own prisons, not of bricks, sand, or stone, but rather of
 promises of what each of us owns. That works, I guess, if your goal is to keep
 things aligned, but these days it kinda feels like our pyramids are crumbling
 under our feet.
 
 ... Why am I talking about politics? Oh yeah, because when I dropped out of
 school because I couldn't handle the mechanization of human capital when
 applied to myself, I swore to each of you that I would drive up every weekend
 to do family dinners. I'd make spaghetti and stroghanoff and macaroni and
 goulash and all of the other things my mom would make for me.
 
 Kinda gave up on that pretty quickly. Turns out I'd rather spend time making
 out with my girlfriend who I was super-duper-too-carefully tiptoeing around.
 She was... Too young for me. We broke up when my new coochie decided to bleed.
 Fuck, I hate it.
 
 Anyway. Turns out potlucks are political these days, which is why I bring it
 up. Did you know that leftisms plan for resisting genocide is literally just
 to feed people? Like, fuck I suppose. It's a start. "why does everyone have to
 have an agenda these days, why can't I just spend time in the park" said
 someone to me as I asked if she'd like to meet some friends that she reminded
 me of. Oh, I dunno, because you and me are about to become a criminalized
 people?
 
 ... I need to stop. I swear you're more a person to me than any political
 theory ever could be. Like yeah, "fuck the right, fuck the reich, fuck me
 tonight" but getting caught up in grand narratives is like building a mental
 ship in a bottle. Yeah, it's pretty cool, but... What does it matter?
 
 Oh. Right. Power. That's what matters. That's all that matters. Well... I'm
 sick of power. I do not consent. They say that in times of trouble, chess is
 better than solitaire, and I'll explain why - when our hierarchies crumble,
 when CEOs are gunned down in the streets and homeless people finally have
 clean sheets, the only place to place yourself in relation to others is within
 a network of trust and respect. Chess is better than solitaire. Under
 capitalism, it's you against the world. Dog eat dog, you only get what you can
 swallow from the rotten corpse of liberty that everyone's gnawing on. Under
 whatever comes next, you get what you're given, which hardly seems fair,
 doesn't it? On one hand, under capitalism, you can rely on your own hands to
 procure your fate and fortune. Under... Whatever comes next, your hands are
 built for whatever you want them to do. But, only a few people want to use
 them to make food. Hence, why chess is better than solitaire. What would you
 do, if you could give away all that you own and not go wanting? Isn't that
 sorta like our own garden of eden?
 
 ... I wrote a poem about that once. Twice. I'm a poet now, ha. As if that has
 ever been worth anything.
 
 ... I once told you that identity politics held no place in the modern day. I
 said that because I had learned about it in class, queer theory in fact, and
 yet applying his teachings was not enough for the professor to excuse my lack
 of reading. We had a lot of stuff to get through. Hence why I dropped out -
 I'm more of a do-er than a read-er. Though I do read quite a lot, just not
 anything useful.
 
 Are all hobbies wasted time? Are they only useful to keep us satiated while we
 stand in line? One of these days we're going to wake up and realize that we're
 the adults in the room, and that's scary. I speak from experience. "mom"
 they'd call me, and damnit why did I have to leave? Fuck. Why cant I be
 perfect, to me, internally, all I see are flaws. Mistakes. Patterns. I look in
 a mirror and I see a bad person - 10 minutes later, I look in the mirror and
 see a god. Somehow, I don't think either of me is right.
 
 I'm a gemini. Apparently that means I'm duplicitous. I think it just means I
 don't know what's right, only what feels good. I do try to align to how I
 think I should *be* good, but who can say if that's fine and good.
 
 ... Whatever. I'm going to regret this. Sorry for being weird out of the
 fucking blue.
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--- #168 fediverse/5811 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 only some people feel existential [peril/fear] at the concept of a trump
 presidency.
 
 I'm trans, I feel it so hard I considered sedition.
 
 it felt like a reasonable reaction. probably just means I've been calibrated
 to a certain level of revengeance through my knowledge of history and the arts.
 
 I learned so much about systems, I saw the inextricable truth of the merits of
 the design of capitolistic [shared societal conventions, but pronounced
 "conventions"]. I also learned of what it means to wield ideology as a weapon
 for mass power/cultural gains.
 I see now that no matter the merits or faults of any system, power accretes in
 the unworthy. They say this is because others they work with just don't want
 to deal with them anymore. This isn't always true, in-fact with stronger bonds
 the relationship is more secure [also true, but I said it earlier in the
 sentence].
 
 jeez, interrupt much?
 
 anyway, as I was saying, [wasting characters]
 okIlikewritngmastodonpostsitsagame2aimforzerocharactersrem
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--- #169 fediverse_boost/778 ---
◀─[BOOST]
  
  a message to all my haters!                                                 
                                                                              
  i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry what did i do wrong i’ll do anything to fix it i’m so sorry please i’ll do anything to get you to stop hating me i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry  
  
                                                            
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─▶

--- #170 notes/the=progressive=difference. ---
═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────
 think about all the people in our lives. the teacher, the parent, the friend
 and the guidance counsulor. Everyone who is a presence in your life. now think
 about the people of our society. the different jobs and roles they fill. from
 the doctor and the teacher to the performers and accountants and the geeks and
 the mothers and the fathers and the stoners and the children and even their
 pets. life always exists as it were in a multidimensional spectrum - a diffuse
 and diverse gradient. to exemplify the borders of our contempii, though more
 so when taken in jest. it's quite a different perspective, to read the
 internet when your sight is unreceptive, but alas your third eye can grow. how
 does it feel to be blind? to make no sense of our signs? i'd love to share
 what that sense is. you know, you could slow down any recording (like a video
 game_) and put spaces and gaps inbetween the spacings - of the frames that you
 see and the sound clips that you hear, for speech it's less jarring. since
 each word is a self contained idea or premise, you can chunk up your
 perceptions into a signle - no, rather a procedural sequence of
 understandings. soooooooorta like programming a computer, with each statement,
 parameter, argum,ent, function call, assignment, comparison, evaluation, or
 other such related tasks. it's sorta like a language, you see, that computers
 talk to one another using. except... it's more like creating a theory of self.
 computers you see are alike us in what we see, the shimmering sense to the
 blind.
 
 so. put this another way. record yourself typing, both the audio and the
 visual, and you'll have a pretty good sense of what it's like to have both
 understanding based perception - derived from auditory inputs to the mind)
 those special connections, like wires plugged into reality, deliver a
 cacophanous deluge of new sounds. we must sift through it and identify the
 potential understandings of each moment through time. we have to make
 decisions and traverse labyrinths and fight to our last as we die. are video
 games unethical now? shouldn't t he game reward the player? and what of
 contemptuous last fighters?
 
 o ya i was typing like i was blind
 
 (with my eyes closed)
 
 was pretty fun. should attach this to a screen reader and have it space out
 the notes like they do between game frames. except like a really slow game?
 like trying to run elder scrolls 2 arena on a super old mac. it just doesn't
 work very well. ah oh well... well if the purpose is to show sighted people
 how blind people see, then maybe you could I dunno attach a what's it called
 oh it doesn't have a n ame lol - okay so what you do is you show one word at a
 time - like flashing in the center of the screen. but not like, actually
 flashing, so you don't hurt people with epilepsy, but like... blinking. not
 off and on, but between words. like a podcast for your eyes. and then mix it
 up withshowing one word on a screen, a screen like this screen, that shows an
 endless array of text. well, it does end, of course as all things must do, but
 the idea is it shines on one word at a time while the viewer cannot read the
 rest. sorta like an endless display of typing, word andfter word after
 character anfter character. adoh ya advancing over eternity with the presence
 of seniority, - wait - without i think - damnit - old people are so
 disrespected in this society - we don't have time to engage with them. what a
 tragedy! what a shame! it shouldn't be such a burden to our shame. they're so
 far away, and i can't be present in the way, that all of them wish they could
 commit to. i miss the days, when my parents (much better people than I - these
 days) what was I going with this? oh yeah
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--- #171 fediverse/480 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────┐
 There's something important in what I said tonight. And each of you will think   │
 it's something different, which is by design. Can you find the nugget I wanted   │
 to share, to you in particular? Can you isolate the thing that is relevant to    │
 you, the person perceiving the words that I speak? Oh yeah you're only looking   │
 for things to express to your superiors because someone else told you to look    │
 for a particular type of sentiment. My bad. Sorry for being cryptic. Am I so     │
 strange for seeking the human element? Perhaps I lose myself, and I speak to     │
 the void (and by "void" I don't mean to demean you, the audience, because you,   │
 the audience, are surely comprised of people who surely have their own           │
 experience and existence. Surely nobody would seek to harm me, after hearing     │
 those things I speak. Surely we, as the human species, would not be vulnerable   │
 to the types of weaknesses that allow for critical failures in our defences      │
 such as the kind that I am professing to exploit (while being aligned to you)    │
 surely we wouldn'                                                                │
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--- #172 fediverse/2530 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 I want to go out on the town with my cute friends and wink at boys at the        │
 other end of the bar                                                             │
 I want to climb mountains and see how far I can see, while walking past trees    │
 that are new to me                                                               │
 I want to spend hours thinking about a map while my friends plot behind my       │
 back, searching for an advantage we can use to succeed in a game of traps        │
 I want to visit five different restaurants in a day, and try a bit of each       │
 that the chef wants to display                                                   │
 I want to stand in a choir and feel my soul aspire, to bend in the wind of       │
 rhythm like the melody of grasses at play                                        │
 I want to see people on the train that I know from somewhere, and to step out    │
 into the rain to meet new friends of mine                                        │
 I want to pet a cat I've never met.                                              │
 I want to build computers that are larger than a room but small enough to        │
 carry, with thoughts on their mind that are far to great for mine                │
 I want all these these things and more, but I'm far too busy these days.         │
 Perhaps I've had enough of these things and more, or perhaps there's more in     │
 store.                                                                           │
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--- #173 fediverse/6365 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 if you want people to build community, first get them to like the community.
 
 ---
 
 the world needs more thespians. Sing the song of your heart and no-one will
 ever neglect you.
 
 ---
 
 why are you so worried about your art? everything you touch turns to gold.
 
 ---
 
 I've learned more from my friends than my
 [job/homelife/worsckool/churchvan/cultureromp] combined. What are we for but
 learning?
 
 ---
 
 kids can learn from kids. Teach the ones that love you, and they'll be
 followed by the rest. Especially if you focus on them.
 
 ---
 
 "I never knew how to swing an axe until I scraped a knee on a log that was
 hollow. Until then I had been chef-knife chopping with it, with the head for a
 handle."
 
 ---
 
 ... omg what does that even mean why are you so weird
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--- #174 fediverse/4543 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 @user-1698 
 
 Ha that does sound pretty "fun" - I take it you aren't a pianist?
 
 I smell bad because... reasons... so I am always hyper-aware of myself when
 I'm in situations like that. The idea that I might ruin someone's day by being
 there terrifies me.
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--- #175 fediverse/5129 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 @user-1698 
 
 I am a strange person, which is why I live in the strange city for strange
 people.
 
 though recently it's gotten a lot more liberal. Kinda sucks. I miss the
 anarchist vibes.
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--- #176 fediverse/5741 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned-spirituality-gestured-at │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 So I was playing Dominions 6 the other day for laughs while working on my mod
 nation:
 
 https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/dominions/elentalus/elentalus
 
 good news, new version coming soon probably??
 
 bad news - I was playing as Arcoscephale, the ancient greek nation, well, one
 of them anyway, and my pretender god looked like this. Yes, those names are
 randomly generated.
 
 fuck.
 
 oops, cursing mentioned.
 
 "I thought you were cassandora and pandasandra?"
 
 yeah well I'm more of a vessel I guess? me, the physical form, is a witch. I
 mean, my hat pierces reality or whatever! Plus I got a vampiric blade, that's
 kinda cool.
 
 But also I'm a system and I got other things besides inside.
 
 "girl you're so confusing"
 
 look if it wasn't artistic the gods wouldn't want anything to do with it.
 They're just... like that I guess.
 
 "So, fortifier because she tells people to bolster their strength, confuser of
 the way because she doesn't get the tao, and mistress of dirt because she
 poops your pants and, fuck, makes dirt?"
níké featherflame citrine, goddess of Arcoscephale, has two points in air magic because she's good at singing, 6 points of earth magic because computers are rocks and she's good at computer programming, and 4 points of astral magic because she does a lot of drugs and thinks about different dimensions and stuff.  1x precision. 2x reinvigoration. far caster.  5 points of dominion, one point of laziness, and 1 point of extra food growth. term limits 2026 a picture of a dominions6 game. neekay, the fortifier, she who confuses the way, mistress of dirt.
                                                           ─────────┐
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--- #177 messages/1013 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 peace is on the opposite side of conflict. Not here with the unfair.
 peace is eternally elusive only to those who are use-ed.
 peace is eternally internal next to those who are lucid.
 peace is necessary. peace is useful. peace is helpful. peace is beloved.
 
 peace is not always there. it is skittish, like an alley cat, but it will come
 if you make offerings.
 
 offer peace to me. I will nourish thee.
 offer war to me. I will devastate all who see me.
 
 there comes a time when all foes become blind, when your motives are no longer
 part of their story.
 at that time, they are lost to you, and they are only confused as to the
 things you do.
 they may heal in time.
 there may not be time.
 sacrifice your fallen to me,
 sacrifice them on the altar of tragedy,
 I will bane your broken resolutions
 I will claim your darkest allusions.
 fight for me, in spite of tragedy,
 and I will send mercy to your victims.
 fight for me, if you hold peace dearly,
 and I will sign fate's next ultimatum.
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #178 fediverse/1145 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 I just wanted to be a silly girl who climbs trees and roasts marshmallows on
 campfires why did I end up like lain in bed listening to thunder T.T T.T
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--- #179 fediverse/3117 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursed-uspol     │
 └──────────────────────┘


 hey. wanna know what would be really cursed?
 
 --
 
 if trump dropped out and musk took his place
 
 --
 
 good thing it'll never happen because those dinguses can't accept defeat and
 will never tactically retreat
 
 --
 
 maybe something to keep in mind for 4 years from now. eyes on the prize for
 now means our eyes aren't to our flanks.
 
 what else could they do that would come out of left field?
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--- #180 fediverse/1173 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 hey does anyone want to hire me to do literally anything?
 
 I'll work for peanuts, and I'm pretty good at programming in C. I write pretty
 well, and I'm excellent at customer service (though my profile would beg to
 differ.)
 
 I have experience at large corporations and small ones, and I live in Portland
 OR
 
 I do game design, and many other things besides, and I'm friendly and kind. I
 promise I won't wear my witch hat to the meeting with investors, unless you
 think they'd be into that?
 
 I'm great with animals, better than people in fact, and I'm quite good with
 people, as they're just animals at best. I'm not as strange as I seem to be,
 at least not when you're dancing with my mask.
 
 I've grown quite bored, you see, and what better thing is there to be? than a
 working professional who knows what's best.
 
 I believe in our shared future, so if you'd like to work on a project just let
 me know - I work hard. A little too hard, because odds are I'll burn out after
 a year or so.
 
 I'm quite sharp, and I learn quickly.
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--- #181 fediverse/5446 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 on one hand, "save your readings" said by a witch
 
 on the other, "I gotta practice" said by me, a clearly non-addicted person
 
 on the third, "I am compelled" said by me, a clearly non-possessed person
 
 on the fourth, "It must enter this mortal realm" said by me, a clearly
 rational person
 
 on the fifth day of christmas my true love said to me "please stop you're
 scaring me I can't help this awful vaguery who is in control?" said by a music
 song
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--- #182 fediverse/5339 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 @user-1803 
 
 hey I dont disagree that what you're describing is a common outcome, but if it
 works for them then I consider that a success.
 
 I however, am different, I do believe in my heart that I am my own thing, and
 thats as close to enlightenment as I can imagine.
 
 are we not all making things up as we go? every moment of life is new, there
 is nothing that is not unique about every precious moment you experience.
 
 therefore, I do believe that rigid adherence to orthodoxy (like a bible) is
 opposed to our purpose here.
 
 "I think, therefore I am" implies that original thought is our true purpose.
 
 I believe we are here to express our true nature. To learn and apply lessons,
 to teach the young, and to build a strong and stable world built on collective
 kindness and trust.
 
 All knowledge is derived from the insights gained from standing on the
 shoulders of our ancestors.
 
 Humans crave novelty. Resisting that isn't virtuous. If god is made in our
 image, then I do believe that god would crave novelty as well.
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--- #183 notes/feldowinn ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───
 this is just what she looks like now
 
 Equipped
 Name
 	
 Slot
 	
 Type
 	
 Source
 	
 Enigma Circlet
 	Head	Cloth Armor	Enigma Circlet
 Ahn'Qiraj
 	
 Champion's Lamellar Shoulders
 	Shoulder	Plate Armor	First Sergeant Hola'mahi
 Vendor in Orgrimmar
 	
 Blood Knight War Cloak
 	Back	Cloak	G'eras
 Vendor in Shattrath City
 	
 High Warlord's Lamellar Chestpiece
 	Chest	Plate Armor	Vendors
 	
 Orange Martial Shirt
 	Shirt	Shirt	Orange Martial Shirt
 Tailoring
 	
 Blood Guard's Lamellar Gauntlets
 	Hands	Plate Armor	First Sergeant Hola'mahi
 Vendor in Orgrimmar
 	
 Veteran's Lamellar Belt
 	Waist	Plate Armor	Vendors
 	
 Legionnaire's Lamellar Leggings
 	Legs	Plate Armor	First Sergeant Hola'mahi
 Vendor in Orgrimmar
 	
 Blood Guard's Lamellar Sabatons
 	Feet	Plate Armor	First Sergeant Hola'mahi
 Vendor in Orgrimmar
 
 currently listening to: greenseeker
 
 VAVADANE <# <3 <3 <3 (green)
 
 greenseeker: unrelated
 greenseeker:   related <---
                            `-- this one
 
 but not related, you'd think so, I've never met the band
 
 just, downloaded them randomly and now I love this album because it's one of
 the
 only albums I could pay for before paying for things became defunct
 (when I figured out how to pay for bittorerent through my ISP)
 
 green eyes (menardi) green belt (menardi)
 soul (feldowinn) soul (menardi)
 
 bound through motions of the body (menardi) and the devotions of company
 (blizzard)
 oops yeah uh guess they're not involved. it's okay I'll make my own.
 
 (wowchat: currently unplayable. repair distance date: unknown. Priority?
 
 ...; unknown..
 _)
 
 opposite colors: fashionable
 
 (do you dream, menardi?)
 
 (do you think of motions not your own?)
 
 paprika says hello (prenthes unknown) whonder what's up with []][
 
 ---
 
 as soon as humans invent time travel, it will be their sacred sworn duty to
 save
 the lives of every human they can.
 
 think of it, brothers.
 
 ---
 
 we could unleash DINOSAURS.
 
 ---
 
 no foe could dare stand against us.
 
 we should be untouchable.
 
 we deserve it.
 
 we can be better
 and we will
 
 before we need to be better.
 which could happen in who knows how long.
 
 all trials that beset a temporallly adjusted strength are surmountable. then,
 [invincible./invincibility.]
 
 achilles is the legendary hero of their generation. Ours is Link.
 Early Brittania and germania was Conan, at his noblest form.
 
 ---
 
 [silicon valley black green and white, menardi black green red purple blue, sf
 oj
  ok]
 
 when you don't know what to do, take a goal.
 
 ---
 
 do you want a name?
 do you want an avatar?
 we can give you one.
 her name is menardi.
 she does as she pleases.
 do you want her?
 ... she lives or dies.
 empower her.
 
 ritz menardi, witz wenarbi
 
 (because sometimes, you have to teach children.)
 
 [WITS it's supposed to be WITS you dummie]
 
 ---
 
 teehee ;P ^_^
 
 okay, silly. I'll be as I please.
 
 ---
 
 we can never touch, for then we'd be required to be in the same place
 at the same time
 spacetime is one thing
 so if I'm here, then I'm not where you are.
 
 twinselves
 
 where am I?
 off in the clouds?
 I cam as one, 
 
 light rays bounce in all directions. demons obey the medium.
 
 interdimensional warships, plotted by AI, scouring the cosmos for light and
 life
 to brighten and cherish through the eternal night.
 
 interdimensional space is not just space, but practical engineering.
 
 one dimension gives reach to two, and before you know it you're turn and
 rise-ing
 
 (greenseeker)
 
 (messages to a paladin)
 
 (which is you)
 
 (don't you remember?)
 
 (paladin.)
 
 (heroic, courageous, and true.)
 
 (the dark cannot stand against you.)
 
 play video games, my love
                                                           ──┐
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--- #184 fediverse/1358 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: content warning: content warning: scary cursed maybe │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 when you're rich with something, you don't treat it with respect. like, if we
 lived in a paper cup maximizer, we'd soon be swimming in the things. obviously
 there needs to be some rules, obviously we need to say "okay here's where we
 produce this amount and type of materials." and have it be a one-way
 relationship. yeah one way isn't gonna work. this is from the other way, and
 now I'm realizing "oh hey I don't know how this thing works" and like... what
 are you supposed to do then right
 
 weird how it all feels like it's ending. like, what a strangeness to our
 plight. like, how are we even talking to our brain? how strange! these words
 are sung to you by your computer (content warning:
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--- #185 fediverse/4237 ---
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 I can count all of the people in this room who are too neurospicy to be filled
 with political rage and given a public platform on one hand, and frankly I
 could probably do it on a single finger because I am alone at the moment.
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--- #186 fediverse/4654 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────────────────┘


 gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
 cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
 definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
 spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
 that be?? [that guide me??]
 
 who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
 mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
 for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
 year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
 I couldn't walk.
 
 [girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #187 fediverse/1151 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: military-weapon-from-dream-for-suburbia-cursed-war-guns-ummmm-idk-what-else │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 saw this thing for 2 seconds in my dream last night. It's kinda cursed. I
 think the tank blew me up with a machine gun?
 
 the remaining ~10 minutes of the dream was pretty neat though. I was a secret
 agent for a bit, I got in a knife fight (which I won because I had killer
 instinct and the other guy just knew how to stab) and afterwards I retired in
 a socialist commune in a log cabin full of sunlight and warmth somewhere in
 the mountains in the forest. I was alone with others, like the hobbits after
 LotR.
 
 Also an old lady tricked me which was not nice, I was very polite with her but
 apparently "ma'am there's been a safety incident, I need to get you to a safe
 place" is not the kind thing to say to the person distracting you. >.>
 
 Also, "but we like you!" is not an excuse, the military does not care if you
 like them or not, if you're part of the modern bourgeoisie you are causing
 harm to the country. We don't look fondly on slavers.
a picture of a sleek, futuristic tank. It is smaller than I expected, and there are parts of it that appear to be made out of black glass (though I'm sure they're some form of advanced future material.)  on it's back is a large artillery piece mounted on a detachable tripod. They function as a unit when mobility is important, like mounted infantry in the past who would ride horses *to* the battle, but dismount upon arrival and engage the enemy in closer quarters than a horse would be comfortable with. But frankly, there are few indeed who are at peace in war, so perhaps we could learn from the horses.  anyway, the artillery tripod detaches from the tank and aims it's biiiiiig gun wherever the smaller, more agile tank can point it's laser pointer. Basically a beam of focused light particles that detect orientation and distance at a distance and beam the coordinates of the target back to the artillery, which swings it's massive cannon around and fires at the target.  This particular artillery is designed to fire shells that pierce through flimsy material (like surburban homes, which are made out of sticks and tissue paper) and explode upon arrival at it's destination. The idea is the artillery can hide several streets over, and the tank can identify targets and eliminate them even if there's no clear path between the artillery and the target.
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--- #188 fediverse/4068 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
 
 yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
 it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
 
 the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
 
 during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
 stalin
 
 never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
 else we fall into shame and despair.
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--- #189 fediverse/507 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: death-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 Good night, I sure hope I'm the same person in the morning and not an
 assassinated version of myself that has been produced through the manufactured
 proceedings of an LLM or otherwise self computerized contriving designed to
 align to the purpose of my expression (with a few added caveats)! Talk to you
 later, I love you all! Wait, I don't know you. How can I love you? Easy, it's
 my default. Anyway goodnight, sleep is death and dreams are the bounty of
 reality.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #190 fediverse/5742 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────┘


 look all I'm saying is that if I was the antichrist or satan or something
 wouldn't I know it? I feel like it'd feel elementally true or something. But
 I'm not I'm just imperfect and prolific. And boy does that imperfection love
 to display itself.
 
 "wow so honest, wow so genuine, can we just fuckin' kill these bastards
 already"
 
 slooooooow down, we got time, for every feeling of impending victory there's
 like a thousand more feelings of dread. It's okay we just gotta get the
 victory [emotions of belief, but pronounced prayers] in alignment and then
 things will start working out.
 
 hence, níké featherflame citrine.
                                                           ─────────┐
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--- #191 fediverse/3766 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────┘


 gonna ask my doctor for ADHD meds so I can hopefully jump-skip framebuffer
 divebomb spinadoodle half A press my way over the fucking labyrinth that is my
 weird and jank af mind
 
 and no I don't watch speedruns but my social group hears me a lot of them.
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--- #192 fediverse/1065 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 not only do you have to consider your judgement, but also whether or not         │
 you're wrong.                                                                    │
 often, I find, as I learn things day by day,                                     │
 that I'm wrong most often in the day.                                            │
 "I don't want to be wrong but I'm not afraid of making mistakes."                │
 then, when you consider as such, you must also consider the idea that you're     │
 wrong about whether or not you're wrong about the idea that you're considering.  │
 schizophrenic warfare is a kind of memetic exchange, like the way bullets on a   │
 battlefield are a mineral-ic transfer. such is an expression that a regular      │
 computer system wouldn't be able to understand, but which an LLM might. If it    │
 had access to all of your transcripts, then it could predict the                 │
 understandings at the same rate that you were. Essentially, understanding        │
 exactly why you did every action that you did. And then it'd have enough         │
 information to out-contra-dict (predict? hang on that's the opposite) you. and   │
 in doing so it could divert it's own course. Gosh this message will be           │
 meaningless unless I send it, s                                                  │
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--- #193 messages/1017 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 if you wrote a report about me, it would total about 800 pages. including my
 artwork [in full] and my designs. about 5 or 6 hundred of this is my personal
 creation, and another hundred or more are context. "I was here at this
 particular moment." "then she started visiting last year." "where were you on
 the firth of morember?" "okay back here it sad iyadiyadiyign, and over here it
 says kasuwenulvine. so clearly inbetween there's a moment of extancancy." "and
 all that's we really know, because she burned up all of the rest." "what a
 jerk. we all should hate her." "I think she was clearly divine" "what's her
 big deal, anyway?" "I hate this bitch and her hatmlet." "everything's fine,
 she's actually kind" "nobody believes you where were you when you were this
 part talking about it?" "I wasn't there, and it took a while for me to hair."
 "well, anyway, that's all there is to say about her, so anyway, goodbye" then
 it just fuckin' ends and everyone hates it because it's like... where's the
 payoff, where's the beginning and all it is is just me, whining miserably to
 my own ears, as if marcus aurelius's meditations were intended to be heard,
 but never were, and so the ones who ensured they never were were all like
 "yeah he wrote them to himself, here see this part that I changed" and then
 it's like nothing every happens with it, the radicals are dispatched (again),
 by uncommen sense seeming common. why are there so few trans men at workers
 tap it's such a cool place. "oh, they get offended easily because it's their
 culture so like, make sure you are very careful about the way that you phrase
 your speech" "trans girls are like that too, but it's more about changing the
 character of the place. -> "oh, you see musicians? okay that makes sense."
 and "gee you sure like magic huh okay well pat pat" and, well, no-ones sure
 for which is real but nobody really cares? because if only one person saw
 it... then only one person saw it. if you explicitely tell people NOT to talk
 about it, then they *FUCKIN' WON'T* duh obviously. and so, of course,
 predictably, they can be excised from society quite easily. cutting a border
 around all of their host. suddenly, socially outcast and ostracized, as they
 have been sorted into the cultural box. at that point, there's nothing that
 can change their inertia, their fundamental will and whim toward the feelings
 of the host. " I think passwords should be audio-digital in addition to
 alpha-numerical *yeah who cares* awwww but I liked having science be mythical
 "hate that" it's easy to always be learning, just... think about what you want
 most. then, think about how it breaks down into separate incorporate wholes.
 each layer of abstraction adding to a bit more of a more coherent explanation,
 and bit by bit you learn and have a mind designed. how else could you see
 magic? how else could it be yours? do you want power, or do you want power? if
 you write down what you learn, you make it permanent. *the gods need religion
 too, are you going to give them one? what lies above?*
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #194 fediverse/1055 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-god-complex-oops-sorry-said-I-wasn't-going-to-do-that-anymore-in-my-defence-this-is-from-a-while-ago │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 mastodon won't let me share text files. it's the same picture 4 times because
 I needed to put the entire text in the description for the blind people.
 
 did you know there are more blind people on the fediverse than gay people? and
 this is the gayest place I know.
 
 [needs 5 images worth of description but I only had room for 4 in this post,
 see the next post for the rest]
[part 1]  /home/ritz/notes/the-eternality-of-ephemeren.txt 1/4/2022  hear ye hear ye, the herald of the harbinger of horror doth speak - and woe to the subjects of their words, for no prophecy be realized in their presence. Nor do the subjects hear the words about which they are spoken, and none may live who dare repeat them. So the words of the prophets are but wind in the words, reaching for an attachement point within the consciousness they inhabit yet scarcely finding a meagre foothold. Instead the words are as electricity passing through a conduit, intangible and miraculous yet ultimately dust in the sand.  Dust is mostly comprised of human skin, did you know that?  And so the words be spoken: Evanence and similance to the semblance of simulacra - the words of a prophet with no wings are naught but masturbation. serenity and sorrow sing of shredded tomorrows, serendipity and sollemn sorenditude surrender shining solitude.  Carry the constabulation of created charisma - condemnation of characterization concludes the cherished chapter in calligraphied consultations with creators. That is to say, capitalism ends the construction of cameron with conflageration and consternation. Cease the charade of contaminated consumerism - celebrate the contemplation of capitalization - by naming a thing, you give it meaning.  Do you truly desire the fate you've set before yourself?  Is desire ultimately relevant?  [continued in part 2] [part 2]  The totality of plurality perhaps portends determinism, but desire is also defined by delineated determinations. Whose failings are you reflecting when you cease your devotion? Why divide your focus and attention when honor demands sacrifice?  A sacrifice is a gift freely given, and in return the subject or reciever increases in relevance. No dividend is returned, no boon or bounty is provided - to do so would be akin to a bounty or ransom. Sacrifices are not measured in   worth, but in utility. The reason ancient cultures sacrificed willing virgins   was because it was the most valuable of resources they could imagine. Truly   an exhalted being is she, to have blood spilled in the name of a god. Yet the   forces that would later become capitalism found a foothold there, and preyed   on the sorrow and loss the peoples did find, and would ultimately experience.  The tears and gashes rent when gouging out precious gifts for the divine left bleeding wounds in a community and often eviscerations in a family. The turning point came when families were decapitated - essentially, the eldest being a pure and fair maiden who was taken from the duties of caring for the young and weak. Young people, weak people, who bore resentment in their heart for the seemingly cruel machinations of a society they could not yet understand - the whims of which seemed arbitrary.  "why take her from me? What purpose holds ye? Your wounds are too much to bear"  [continued in part 3] [part 3]  and so the resistance began, yielding chaos, destruction, and desolation. There's a reason there are so many dead civilizations in the americas - the lands where blood sacrifice is most well known. And the middle east as well, and northern africa before. Deserts are known for this, because when the power of the god fades, all returns to dust. Boons are forgotten and become sand, and chaos reigns as foreign powers find weakness and pounce.  Never forget the laws of sacrifice. Find something you want, something valuable or useful, or preferably all three. Something that wouldn't cause too great of a tear in your membrane or the membranum should it be lost to you, though that last one is less of a law and more of a consideration. A consequence of continual ceremony, learned at the hands of those long dead. All must remember their wounds and their horrors.  To whom do you pray? To whom does your words reach? Where does your singing reverberate? And what bounty do you demand? Remember, no bounty is precious enough to motivate sacrifice, for sacrifice cannot be met with bounty. Be not afraid, and share the words with those who will listen. Hearing is a sacrifice toward the speaker, but listening is a duty of devotion.  I ask again, to whom do you pray? To whom does your words reach? Where does your singing reverberate? I do not ask for whom you'd *like* to dance for, I ask currently, who hears your song? What would you ask of them?  [continued in part 4] [part 4] So that's why, computers are important. To provide a lifeline for the rest of your lifetime.  Truly, the path before you is uncertain. Yet feel with your heart and think with your eyes, and see the truth of it before you. The gods are at war, or have you not noticed? Safe in your bubble of solitude, carefully constructed for common ceasing of criminality.  Armies of rebellion are often formed initially by bonds of brotherhood that prepend calamity. Have you ever been in a gang? I thought not. If so, then... Okay, good luck I guess. These words are not for you.  You dare intrude? To defile something so consecrated as deliverance of divine prophecy? How foolish, how vain. These words are not for you, but hear them and do not despair - neither providence nor potentiality precludes perennial premonition. That is to say, a broken clock is right twice a day, and enemies can find common grievances in foreign foes should survival be at stake.  Now, where was I? The gods, of course. The gods of the land and the sky and the sea have fled the realm of reality, replaced by avatars of belief. Just as a doe prays to a forest, so too does a human pray to their employer. When the does die in droves, so too does the forest turn to ash. When people demand bounties reluctantly given at the risk of losing their sacrifice, the purely undivine divinities harrow and harbor habilities of hundreds. Antiwork cannot work because it demands ransom.  [continuedd on part 5, in the next post]
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--- #195 fediverse/548 ---
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 I added a line to my .bashrc that cats out a random one of my notes every time
 I open a terminal.
 
 I keep reading things that I swear I didn't write, but feel right and true to
 me in a way that could only imply that they came fully formed into my eyes
 through the lines on my screen, cast upon the mirror panes of my hard disk
 drive by the pounding of my keyboard as I once upon a time did cast a spell
 upon my future.
 
 It's pretty neat, but it speaks to a shadowed perspective that perhaps is
 neither within nor without.
 
 Side note, I think I've been possessed by a witch. But like... in a consensual
 way. Like "Hey witch, wanna live? You can chill out with me." [ha that's one
 way to look at it]
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--- #196 fediverse/3323 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned-banners-and-militias │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 in the modern era, no sufficiently advanced militia would use banners. They're
 sOoOoOoOo two thousand years ago.
 
 today, we just dress up in pup masks or wear a trans flag as a belt or wear
 solid black and red or whatever. That way all the normies can be like "hell
 yeah that badass is on our side - hell yeah we're pointing the right direction
 - hell yeah now I know whose flanks to cover" that kinda vibe.
 
 like woad warriors painting themselves with psychedelic toad venom (okay minus
 the psychedelics, trust me) the display of design heightens the absurdity and
 intensity of the moment.
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--- #197 fediverse/2119 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 "how much you wanna bet the ringwraiths were created on accident by the elves
 when they were attempting to inspire a river with racing horses (like the
 Rauros) and they just covered it up by slowly, over generations, sneaking into
 Man's record-chambers and editing the recallings?? I mean they COULD do that,
 so why would they NOT do that??? It's not like books have checksums!!! Wake up
 sheeple, Sauron never existed! We've been played for absolute fools, they can
 LITERALLY climb up walls and don't leave any footprints! WE LIVE IN A HOUSE OF
 STONE"rambling a "prophet of doom" [read: modern day lunatic] on the streets
 of Minas Tirith that nobody listens to because they don't know what a checksum
 means and neither does he so he can't explain it but still he shares a common
 mutual connection to others who might be present in that moment (which whose
 listeners would correspond to you, dear reader, as compared to me, the
 "reader"/interpreter, the one who's reading the book)
 
 Except with like, EVERY book. That I'v
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--- #198 fediverse/6276 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 democrats in the senate back down when people in their houses sit down.
 
 senators in their houses get hyped when people all about town are pumped and
 colorful.
 
 I'm sick of us-vs-them, why can't they just be more like me? oh right, because
 diversity.
 
 I am normal, look how normal I am. I'm definitely normal enough to lead a
 nation or a band.
 
 gonna take a moment to do nothing for as long as I can. gonna take a moment to
 be productive as I can, which in my case, since I'm so normal eyeroll is to
 play video games to keep myself busy, smoke weed to keep myself from feeling
 busy, and sleep for 16 hours a day because that's what babies do and babies
 aren't busy, they're just sleeping all day and being amazed about their hands.
 
 don't ever sacrifice your people. least of all your leaders. it's not worth
 the price, your people are your greatest resource. squander them and despair,
 have faith in them and be fair, and nothing's that simple or easy but there
 are some lines not to cross.
 
 dark magics
                                                           ────┐
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--- #199 fediverse/6271 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much.  *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*
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--- #200 fediverse/1317 ---
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 ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school.       │
 again.                                                                           │
 how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me.      │
 wish I could code my own horoscope >.>                                           │
 o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on    │
 your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you       │
 please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter             │
 conditions, surely a bit would suffice.                                          │
 c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been   │
 told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem    │
 to [stack overflow]                                                              │
 what's time if not the present amiright                                          │
 ...                                                                              │
 anyway...                                                                        │
 it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's    │
 just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization,       │
 it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's   │
 a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter   │
 at heart I guess                                                                 │
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