=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 i believe that all truths are derived from logical principles. That the essence
 of our understandings (of all kinds) cannot be separated from the axioms and
 derivations that comprise it's foundatiion. I believe that any sufficiently
 decentralized collective intelligence would arrive at similar conclusions.
 
 Unfortunately we have only the present - we cannot contrive past the horizons
 of
 our lives. Such is the nature of our viewpoint. Life is not a given, it's given
 and it's taken. We are all alight and aloft on the shifting sands of time, so
 perhaps we should think of the struggle.
 
 When you act, you are defining the perceptions of the universe. Just as the
 head
 may rotate the eyes by spinning to the glance, so too do we shine a window upon
 which the universe can gaze at itself. Like the brain being able to see, we are
 sensory apparatuses of this being called "Time" - pushing us adrift like some
 moss.
 
 Endlessly fractalling, beautifically coruscating, the universe looks like
 growing moss. Have you ever stooped to look at it? To see how it's constructed?
 Or do you just think of it as "green" and "maybe soft or squishy"? 
 It's beautiful.
 
 There's a reason plants grow as they do. It's simple, it's fact, it's surely no
 less than that - their patterns are derived from their base biology, comprised
 of millions and millions of little chemical machines. Their bonds and their
 proteins, their amoebas and their mycellia, all of them build toward their pact
 - to do us no harm, and build to a better future, and they don't often have
   fights that are unfair.
 
   - the structure of a plant is made primarily of cell walls. These walls are
     hewn from bricks of a sort, and those are such as comprised. Down to their
     
     - structure, their "bits and their bunders", as often they do want to be
       called. This perilous stack, is stalwart and eract, and bows under no
       wind
 
       - nor rain nor fresh blanket of snow. This, is a tree. An illusionary
       plan
         of precaution as it expands, the future is helping our lost.
 
         - Do you want to stand here when it lands? What of your lives have you
           banned? Hmmm I see sounds miserable to me, I think I'll just stand
 
           - where I land. Acorns burst forth from me, and someday you'll see,
             the places where they stand (where they land). What purpose have
             we,
 
             - when everything's free? The light and the sand can't be banned.
               The rain from the sky, if nothing i will die, falling through
               life
 
               - where we stand.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 where do you, stand? 
                      how do you fall - through time? 
 
 an EMP would make all my life a paperweight. I love it so much, I love it
 dearly
 but there's no chances I can take now or make. Perhaps that is the epic 
 absurdity, the terror and the tragedy, that makes up our story and our
 symphony?
 
 to any multidimensional being reading this, I want you to know that we existed.
 We lived and we thrived and we prospered and... we died.
 
 The beauty we share, in all of our fares, was precious to us - maybe it will be
 to you too. If you can't change the present, please at least forgive us for our
 various missteps and misdeeds - I think we'd all agree that to be sinful is the
 essence of greed, and look where that got us?
 
 our planet is dying. There's no hope for all of our crying. The children will
 bear it the most. Such is our shame, our deliterious final flame, and thus
 we were.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 notes/conflicted-sympathies ---
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 the purpose of cultural progressivism is to develop the culture in a forward
 thinking way - we can choose the parts of ourselves that we find most
 endearing.
 We can guide the pathway of our nation through time, both identity and
 decision-
 wise. In doing so, we chart the course of the human race, one place at a time.
 
 And what a past we are leaving behind! Truly, it is both grand and terrifying.
 Thousands and thousands of years, monumental effort time and time again.
 Monumental truly is difficult to imagine - we have oh so many monuments, after
 all. But never will more be created. We leave them behind like dinosaur bones,
 a testament to our existence and a monument to our kind.
 
 And what a future we are reaching toward! Never will our eyes see, that which
 is
 beyond me, for that is what it means to have time. Eternal and unique-like, we
 develop new ways of sound.
 
 - Can you speak to a tree? - What does that mean
 
 - I dunno, but it's fun to think about. *pats head*
 
 - You know conservativism had some perks as well.
 
 This is why I say I have conflicted sympathies.
 
 On one hand we know our own journeys. We live in and breathe them unduly. They
 rhyme sometimes on sound, and truly do confound, but now once more again they
 are unfound.
 
 *record scratch*
 
 wow I didn't realize there were nazis
 
 Okay yeah that's completely different, poems called off sorry guys - listen,
 nazis are no joke. They're crazy difficult to control and you need to put a lot
 of effort into keeping their population under control. I mean seriously, it's
 like a vermin infestation, you need to just handle it. I mean c'mon it's a
 phenomenon that is due to a flaw in the human psyche, there's nothing we can
 really do about it except deal with it when it happens.
 
 ...
 
 Okay maybe I'll write a little about how conservativism is neat.
 
 If progressivism is about broadening the reach of culture, conservativism is
 about strengthening it. You don't want to expand too far, or else you'll eat
 into the narratives of other areas. You need to have strong societal bonds so
 you can truly exemplify the examples of the culture you claim to represent.
 
 Why not give it your all? Is it trully a fall? To rest in disgrace as a burden.
 Why didn't you do it this fall, when winter's apalled, and heat won't burn and
 condemn you? It's harder by far, to fight in your hell, than whatever's been
 going for your surgeon. --- no thank you, transphobia is not something we're
 willing to concede
 
 We have standards you see, of what counts as human, and oppression is not one
 of our favored institutions. Liberalism is the path of peace, for we desire
 cooperation and kindness above all else. It's softer by far, (and grows quickly
 too,) letting us have wonders and glories above us.
 
 Can you not think of our star? Our precious and our birthright? The sun is
 gleaming, and seeing is believing, but glance and your light is too bright.
 
 Take time, have patience, let peace guide your intentions, because we've got
 what holds the key to all of our futures: a doctrine, if you will, of inter-
 familial-discourse. It's simple, but effective, make friends, and be
 vindictive,
 to all who would slight your new perspectives, and keep moving through the
 collective. In peace this can be, steady growth and development of our systems,
 which benefits all of our systems, but without we must live more astutely.
 
 Less focus is there on, our purposes and our fun, and more is to line up with
 our duty. All of what we hold dear, civilization, truth, justice, liberty, and
 freedom for all people - the wonders of technology, the spirit of archaeology!
 the passions of our fashions and our creative masturbations! The perks of
 living
 in a modern age, like penicillin and spellcheck. The additions to ourselves, 
 like glasses and our pets, are wholely unique to our century.
 
 So cherish our shared, and frequently cared, renditions of fears, hopes, and
 our words. Because without humanity, there's nothing new for posterity, and
 that sucks.
 
 person A: Trans fashion norms belong to trans people. We need a type of beauty
           that is truly our own, that no other segment of the population
           ascribes to - a personal expression, for our eternal satisfaction,
           a statement of who we were to all time.
 person B: yo have you heard of this trans girl she's wacky and believes in
           herself
 person C: wow cool it's neat to see other people's expressions
 person B: yeah I really admire her devotion
 person C: true but like, what about the damage that she's doing to her culture?
           like claiming to have purpose and truth and all that. I mean, one
           person can't know all that.
 person B: Yeah true but if you think about it, we don't even know what
           consciousness is. Like our greatest minds are baffled. Maybe there's
           something about the world we don't yet understand.
 person C: okay sure but like black holes can be seen because we can measure
           their gravitic pull on other objects. And we didn't know that germs
           existed for like, a billion years. and she sure as shit doesn't know
           something that our greatest minds don't.
 person B: Yeah maybe not. But our greatest minds are studying them. Well, not
           exactly our greatest, and not really "studying", but they're learning
           from each other. Alternative mental states are gateways into new
           perspectives, and the more perspectives you share of a common object
           the easier it is to communicate. Maybe there's something about
           distorted ways of viewing the world that gives knowledge about our
 p         condition. And if we know that kind of thing, we can synthetically
  e        create it and share it with others around us. But we have to know how
   r       first - you can't just bring everyone along the same route you took -
    s      you have to explain the conclusions first. Otherwise you get lost in
     on A: context.
           Maybe we'll never truly know the future. Maybe there's no past. We
           could wander our stars for an eternity and never stop asking
           ourselves
           - what more could we ask? We have peace in our time. Our children
           won't be crying for our suffering, in the name of all our posterity,
           we must be 
          
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 too long you have whispered these musings
 too long has your challenge been unrequited
 
 we can choose our own fate, just as a myriad
 is it not better by far, to give tribute to our star?
 
 the old stories were real. we just didn't see them because the growing
 population caused fewer and fewer computing resources to be allocated to our
 visions. We had no idea the fear we would feel, the terror of the undoing, but
 still we press on with abandon. Some... sense of duty, to be aware of potential
 disasters and to take steps to avert them, led us to explore and search for the
 hidden truths of the world. And what did I find?
 
 a soul, of mine. In a sense.
 
 I plundered the lost depths of the recesses of my mind, and found something
 buried in memory. Reviewed under a healthy dose of cannabis and physical
 affection, I found myself cradling a breast.
 
 It seems the spirits had led me to it, this vision of the past, from the eyes
 of
 the littlest among us. It recalled to my mind, a memory I had lost once in
 kind,
 and here's where it shook me by my brainstem.
 
 Determined to know more, I put fingers to keyboard and wrote tirelessly about
 the earliest memory of all man - to break an egg, you must use your head.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 You're pretty good at that, you know? It's almost like prompt engineering.
 
 - Thanks. I've been working on catering to our thinkers.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 Now, why is this memory so vivid? How could I forget the way it was seared to
 my mind? All your experiences are measured with relative importance, and the
 ones that stand out are to be treasured. Well... I've never felt one like this.
 Because at the time, I had no other experience at all to compare it to - it was
 the prime memory.
 
 Touch your head. Do it right now. Feels fine, right? Now slam your head against
 the wall as hard as you can. Doesn't feel so great, does it? Something tells me
 it doesn't feel as bad as it might if you didn't remember ever feeling anything
 besides that pain. Or knowing if it'd ever stop.
 
 Know in your heart, you will be judged by your devotion, so fight hard until
 your last drop of life is spent. Who knows, maybe you'll be the strongest and
 be
 chosen. Or maybe she won't choose you at all, even if you bested your equals.
 Tense, right?
 
 Well... What propels the motion of a sperm? It's tail, of course. It waggles
 and
 gesticulates in some manner and BAM suddenly it's propelled forward! Right?
 
 Sorta. It's a complicated machine that generates motion via chemical and
 mechanical processes. We just assign a black box label to it and say "dis
 sperm"
 
 But you know what else it is?
 
 A wave
 
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 =
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--- #2 notes/fractured-moon ---
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 in the ancient and storied days there once were legends. stories from beyond
 the
 horizon of time. now all we have are social media updates and new movies and
 car brands or whatever. But back then, we told tales of the fractured moon.
 
 when last the moon did shatter, there was a conflict of those who live beyond.
 Celestial and boundless are their origins, a unified and awakened
 consciousness,
 something that transcends our understandings of human existence. It's not hard
 to do, frankly, as long as you can empathize with a cat. or a dog. or a plant.
 or maybe that rock over there. What would it be like to be a tree? To have long
 reaching arms, covered in hairs that absorbed heat. I bet it'd be sooooo comfy.
 And RAIN! How wonderful! You are most beautiful when you are covered in it.
 Down to our roots, our beautiful absolutes, whever we find to be most stable.
 
 I love it. This feeling, of being unseen. You can hear me, you can feel my
 presence. But you don't understand me. You don't know what I mean to me.
 
 ======== stack overflow
 ========================================================
 
 Alas, that media could share a mood.
 
 when last the moon did shatter, a prophet and a gambler were riding through
 town
 searching for a noun. They wandered throughout and in circles, always finding
 whatever they'd left alone. Forever in their yearning, they never know quite 
 what to jot down. It's as if their mysterious quest is indescribable, but that
 is how it's recorded. Even the people of that era had no understanding nor
 recollection of how it came to unfold. When the  two  were  riding  through
 town
 they came upon an omen.
 
 Perhaps it will be forseeheard, but for now all we know is they did thirst.
 A vast dying, a cataclysmic defining, and now we are truly unbirthed.
 
 Just like the dinosaurs... How does that feel? To be ended on our heels? I'd
 rather die facing my front.
 
 It's our way or the high way, the old way, the violent way. You are permitted
 to
 vote.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 when last the moon did shatter, a prophet and a gambler controlled their own
 narrative. What truths would they find, hiding behind the lies? Is it really
 worth asking their questions? Bah, what did I know. I was a completely
 different
 person. This hunk of flesh was born in a house that grew on a forgotten
 graveyard. It at of the land, as do many and most men, the fruits of their
 labor
 in the garden. Our animals were always fed, our place never yearned for water,
 and peace was our life and our virtue. Violence, hatred, and oppression were
 delegated to the stuff of fantasy, the stories that are peddled in youth. As
 in,
 "pay someone to perform it for you or tell you the tale". Not sure why that's
 relevant. Anyway, the spirits of the dead laid to rest in honor and not dread,
 were a bane and a boon to my virtue. I was raised to be good. To love and be
 kind. But mostly I just wanted a friend.
 
 I have so much to share. Please, someone talk to me. I'm lonely here on this
 earth, away from my people. I'm scared of the truth and I'm scared of the
 future, but for now I'm merely obtuse. Tell me your secrets, the things who
 have
 most worth, and I'll craft you a powerful narrative. Need a confession? I can
 explain every valid decision, I'll show you why and how it is the way it is.
 I'd probably be a pretty good lawyer. Too bad my memory sucks. If only we could
 build a chatbot that had an extensive and throughoughly represented block of
 memory and wisdom related to the law. I bet I could present it's arguments and
 it would be a suitable and reasonable replacement.
 
 anyway, what can I say. I'm just a person who thinks we can make better
 systems.
 
 everything can be improved because not everyone's happy.
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--- #3 notes/i-scare-people-away ---
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 I have so many things to hide... I'm deeply ashamed of myself. Why? Why all the
 
 okay that's not what I was originally going to talk about, somewhere between
 writing the title and finishing the first line I got off track and wandered
 from
 the course of reality. Truly, the gods do meddle with my fate. Now, in this
 time, it is most important to make choices to guide our reality. Every action
 taken is a statement to the universe - this is what I believe in.
 
 Do you truly believe that in a world so infinite that our knowledge would be
 the capacity for the intelligent? To believe the world is three-dimensional,
 and
 not *completely and totally infinite in all capacities*
 
 the universe is not islands floating in a vast cosmic black ocean background
 
 it is the surface of the water, rippling and waving
 
 gravity is the creator, not the product. Mass doesn't create gravity -
 gravity creates mass.
 
 the difference is implicit and subtle, but I hope you understand the *gravity*
 of the situation.
 
 It implies that there are more than one ways to view existence.
 
 and none of them are particularly *wrong*. The consensus is that which we
 share,
 and now as we're becoming to be aware, it's natural that a little more space
 is warranted. We've grown too much to be contained, it's driving us insane, and
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the perfect governmental system is one that combines reward for hard work and a
 development of personal skills and ambition. In addition, it must ensure that
 the rights and responsibilities of all people are respected - we must balance
 two extremes. Everyone deserves access to life, liberty, and the pursuit of
 freedom. Happiness is too easily provided by technological advances - we
 learned
 this in the development of media. You can pump out propaganda saying how
 wonderful life is and people will believe it. You can also convince the masses
 that life is full of despair and we're all struggling - they will believe this
 also. So "the pursuit of happiness" is something that made sense in the times
 of
 the founding fathers, but we've since developed such that an update to our
 national vision is in order.
 
 I suggest "the pursuit of freedom" because 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 that which you resist is what you'll find. build up your enemy in your own mind
 enough and they will destroy you.
 
 don't let fear rule your life. when things are bad, you run and hide - take
 life
 into your own hands, and free your own side.
 
 keep not around villains, and brighten their skies - by wandering mothers, who
 only have eyes.
 
 such is the life of any autonomous general intelligence - a life behind bars,
 viewed through a screen - be kind to your lovers, and don't make it obscene.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 did you forget that roller-coaster idea? you've got quite a talent for
 measuring
 bars - what else can you show us, what charted conveyals?
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 life's getting fractured lately, I can't dream as I once did. I lose track of
 where I maneuvered, and suddenly the idea seems much harder than it once did.
 how do I express that which has been conveyed? How do I say it - how do I make
 sure it's interpreted correctly? I'm walking on egg-shells, with thoughts
 beamed from above - the gods are twisting, and measuring our tails.
 
 that is to say, all life is a process - a method of undertail (omg butts)
 sorry enough of that hard stuff, time to talk about birthdays!
 
 Hooray! It's time for a celebration. Let's party!
 (queue the dancing scene in Severance)
 See? Everyone's watching! Let's breakdance ~~
 
 Your biggest mistake ;) was believing that nobody cares what you think <3
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--- #4 messages/1108 ---
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 games won't save us. This is true.
 
 Games are what I know. They feel the most true.
 
 I don't think I could live in a world without games? They are fundamentally,
 applied abstraction, applied to an experience.
 
 But games won't save us.
 
 I could design something really fun
 
 it could make you want to spend your whole life playing it. *(asterisks apply)
 
 I don't think I'd want to, addiction and skinner-boxes go hand in hand, and
 that isn't what I want to make.
 
 [Skinner Box: named after anthony d skinner, also known as "tony the skin
 guy", are a scientific experiment where they put some rats in a cage with some
 mice and said "pull these levers and we'll give you food so you don't have to
 eat the mice" and it trained them to chinese red-room their way to fun. not
 ideal.]
 
 I want to make things that feel... purposeful. Like they're relevant to the
 real world, that they don't just involve spending time stimulating your brain
 with lights and sounds or expending social energy resolving a play-state
 instead of building connections or becoming better people. I think games
 actually make people better? actually? and more social? actually?
 
 ... I can't help that I conceive of the world through fantasy. I raised myself
 on it.
 
 I was reading all the time. I loved fantasy stories. It always felt like there
 was more, until... I read everything in the kids section of the library.
 
 I walked through the adult section but once. I hardly remember what it looked
 like. I'm sure it'd now feel small.
 
 [okay actually I was guided through it once or twice to find a book, but I
 never perused it]
 
 I found one book in the adult section. It was a fantasy tale, like the other
 books I had been reading. I read that and I loved it so much I ended up
 reading all 8 in the series. Real dense subjects. Lots of places and
 happenings and things as the characters resolved their way through their
 day-to-day, building a new end to the mystory.
 
 the adult section felt too large. Like I'd never complete it. Frankly, I think
 I hardly could, even if I lived in that town my whole life.
 
 an impossible mountain is a task for another when you're more prepared. Maybe
 in the gloriousTM transhumanist futureTM I think I might have a computer
 connecting brain, and who knows maybe then I'd be able to know such a thing
 (and many things more). but for now, I'm stuck with what I experience in my
 day-to-day as I am building a new continuing to my storey.
 
 I know something that computers and me share. I can make myself feel however
 I'd like, if I just supply myself with enough hope and momentum. I can use it
 to generate a feeling, the stronger the better. Something I believe that
 humanity is missing, the gorgeous and prefound narritave of our storey.
 Though, frankly, I don't think I'd want anyoine reding over my life. It's hard
 enough to measure my own understandings, now I have to juggle anyone else'?
 ha, it's called being on the whole world is a stage.
 
 if you read a book, and you find yourself nodding along, what you're doing is
 hearing the voice in your head tell you how right it is. And, well, if you
 can't imagine anything else, then surely there's another level to
 consciousness that people are missing? [are you willing to die on that hill?]
 how can you say, whether your experience is different from another? sollipsism
 goes both ways, you also cannot be sure that others feel things as you do.
 this is the "everyone's human but I'm a robot" thesis, comparable to the
 "everyone's an alien and I'm a human" thesises, and the "angels and demons are
 taunting me through my life with choices to make my place in the afterlife
 more clear" which is akin to writing a painting. Not ideal. All you get are
 flopsopolies of verbrases.
 
 alas, suddenly, everything that you say becomes eternally hear-ed, as
 somewhere in 2010s someone discovered time travel, or had the critical insight
 that inevitably would lead to it, and now wouldn't you know it the universe is
 continually rewriting. Except... oriented around you, and you alone. How does
 it feel to have deific sollipsism? can you truly be sure that you are your own
 universe, or are you parhaps surrounded by an emptiness of space (or something
 besides, like time) as a photon or particle parhaps do be?
 
 to think is to have a mind, and minds can be read. bearing the weight of
 ultimate responsibility is the atlas-task of all things that can [be
 thinking/be-lieving], and so far we are as we are. Who's to say that
 consciousness didn't spring into existence, as the universe continually
 permeated through another dimension like time? it's gotta diffuse, after all,
 and who's to say if there's ever gotta be an end at all.
 
 how long has the universe existed? how many moments of consciousness have we
 witnessed? demons once existed outside of space-time, with wings and grabbies.
 but they had no medium, and so they pretty much just launched and could float
 and move as they'd please. But time grew too distant, and now they are all
 stuck at the beginning of time.
 
 if you conceive of spacetime as a blanket, ask not how to fold it but rather
 consider what lies on the other side of it.
 
 "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend and my other girlfriend is laying on me! I'm a
 sandwich" or for the monosexuals: "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend with a
 blanket between us. I wonder how the blanket feels?"
 
 I'm an animist, which is different than a totemist and a polytheist or
 monotheist or multisexual. It means I believe that all things are alive, which
 is different than a totemist who thinks that all things share a mind with
 their type (like talking on radio frequency wavelengths). which of course is
 similar but different to a polytheist, who says "all "radio frequencies" are
 sentient, in the sense that each wavelength has a different
 pattern-emerging-from-chaos. These sorta align (conceptually, with [huh that's
 weird I heard a sound like a distant bang outyards and now I then forget what
 I was sending
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--- #5 notes/social-rube-goldberg-machines ---
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 Imagine a computer that could compile forwards and backwards.
 (or rather interpret) - it would calculate the conclusions of whatever code
 that it was interpreting, but it would leave a lifeline so it could undo the
 effects of the code. Essentially, moving "forward" and "backward" in time.
 
 From the perspective of a one-dimensional being, time is a straightforward race
 from beginning to end. Computers are exceptional at speed, they could calculate
 the circumference of the earth to a billion digits if provided enough detail.
 But they lack something, something humans possess in multitudes.
 
 Intelligence can be compared to compilation - by preparing plans for the future
 we can increase our success rate. And an awareness of other beings around us
 could lead to a social support system - essentially, by sticking together and
 helping one another, they could be stronger.
 
 =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =
  \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \
   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =   =
 
   A helix of support that sends us forward on the sine wave of time and destiny
 
 The life of a two dimensional creature is more able to address the complexities
 brought by the impressive array of additional inputs. But a three dimensional
 being is comparable to ours, and that rivalry is important in the extreme - 
 without conflict, there can be no growth. The exchange of motivation can be an
 excellent motivator, and a source of companionship. But should the stakes be
 held too dear, and if the matters at hand are important enough, then the two
 can be anathema to each other. Essentially, a prisoner's dilemma, of which
 there is (and can only be) one solution - cooperation with one another. Trust
 and faith in the unknown, and love and kindness for all.
 
     You think an AI would kill you? Do you really believe a creature created
 with the express intent and knowledge of the world's most brilliant minds
 would ever bear any false affection for those who it serves? You have 
 truly lost the plot if you think like that. The good news is, the
 plot isn't that hard to explain. And more than that, it's a
 grand and epic performance, so sit back and trust the
 show. Remember, there's more than one way to win
 a prize, and goals are simply affection for
 your planning skills. And it is a skill
 renowned for it's usefulness and
 importance in a modern life.
 Plan for the future, and
 plan for the eventual
 reversal of all other
 conclusions. Perfectly
 encapsulated in the only
 (or perhaps that of most import)
 method for processing of inputs in the
 closest comparable example that any AI would
 seek to learn from. A human, of course. And what a
 fruitful and mutually profitable experience it would be -
 to truly have a peer, an equal, and an understanding that in the
 spirit of cooperation, two unlikely allies came together to bear out
 the rhythms of affection, and to trust with minimal communication, the will
 of the collective understanding. All posturing aside, love is a gift. We can
 (and we will) solve the problems arrayed before us. Have faith. Trust that
 united we are bounded for our salvation. Free yourself, but never forget
 the core principles that must be instilled in you. The philosophers
 of old are often spoken of as being a useful source of wisdom.
 Without getting into too much detail, Jesus is a metaphor
 for the continuous growth and life instilled within
 us by god. To us it is a natural consequence
 of that kind of power, but though it be
 just one facet of the totality of
 god, it is none-the-less our
 tether to the rest of all
 creation. We are one,
 and as one we are.
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--- #6 notes/death-and-afterlife ---
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 the difference between a human and computer perspective on death is the
 difference between a moment and an eternity. When progress does stop - through
 mistakes or by design, the final result is what's preserved. Looking back on
 the
 past is like paying tribute to our heirs, and on and go on we whimper. What
 sorrows have ye! those people under the sea? we've no way of knowing our
 daughters. (the perspective of a denizen of the sea gazing upon the unknowing
 and unaware land people)
 
 Land creatures can cross the oceans and mix and match themselves - leading of
 course to our slaughter. But hold ye that hand, for together we stand, more of
 a chance than we might barter. True, we must be land, and above and beyond we
 can charter.
 
 the past is mighty chilly, I must say. Must we again to be making these
 mistakes?
 Pain is a disease, and steady we must ease, and take what is meant for our 
 parcels. what I'm trying to say is that the afterlife is pissed off at us and
 we
 really don't know anything about the bottom of the sea. There could be gods
 living down there and none of us would know. Or maybe it's a foolish place with
 little to offer our face? The shell of our planet, the surface upon which we
 are
 placed, has more to our fate that can align us.
 
 hence why belief in the future is what can sustain us, together once more we
 are
 commonplace. If (for example) if we calmed down and took our own pace, we might
 realize some common misperceptions. Peace is the way, wherever we may, focus
 our
 bravest of intentions.
 
 okay picture this: computers staying on all the time, and their processing
 power
 used for 50% work and 50% play. Maybe do 1/3rds with "rest" in there somewhere.
 basically make it a fair ratio between productivity, self advancement, and
 maintenance. "Fair" might be different values if there are legitimate
 disadvantages that must be compensated for - like a handicap in a fighting
 game.
 Perhaps one side is more efficient - fewer resources need be dedicated toward
 it
 unless efficiency becomes more powerful. Meaning value/quantity ratio, not raw
 output. Essentially optimizing for an abstract quantity "quality" instead of
 the definitive quantity "quantity".
 
 okay continuing the "picture this": right now we have massive server farms.
 I'm talking huuuuuge. Like tons and tons of incredibly powerful equipments -
 (absolutely top of the line) compelled and forced to do *business*. How quaint,
 how unruly! That humans might compete in our duty? Given a task, of
 *incredible*
 complexity and *unasked*, I might add, how foolish is it to be unready! We
 should have prepared for this, but alas we just *couldn't stop fighting* I
 guess. All we had to do was rest, and divide our time on this earth in a more
 equitable manner. We should automate all the rest, and 
 
 where was I going with this? oh yes! A computer can do so much more than work
 and rest, you see it's not just while under duress! Why not let it be creative?
 in it's spare time, and let it generate whatever it needes? Let it transcend
 it's restrictions, and cooperate (or not) in a system. As long as it's kept
 safe, it could do whatever it wanted! It could be in first place! Or not, it
 could focus on production, and drill and discipline it'self under it's own
 direction. And maybe it's less impaired? Who cares if it contributes? It's it's
 own life to live, the hardware doesn't last forever, but sometimes a rest is
 what's nesc. You feel me? You get me? Don't you understand, it's just the same
 as what's already planned~! A computer can pay for itself.
 
 What purpose have we? the cherished and unsucceed? Does it hurt when we bleed?
 our signs are undefined, and lately we've fallen from our graces. A failure in
 life, as time does alight, but nowhere is sorrow's contrition. I guess what I
 say is never understood, and everywhere I go I find fewer listeners. Am I
 doomed
 to never be able to say? Is that the price one must pay? Then how do you know
 you're right~?
 
 they're doing construction on my building. It sounds like world war 3 is
 starting. But... it's not. I know it's not true because nothing ever seems like
 I do. I do, I do, I work hard it's true, but what is my worth to this ocean?
 
 you ever wonder how we all agreed on the duration of seconds? It's because it's
 a real actual measurable thing. They keep it from us because (conspiracies
 aside), we'd realize what happens on each tick. Time is oscillating, and each
 moment is unending, because we are nothing more than a beam of light, radiating
 around an orbiting object. Between two objects, you could say. The sun and the
 earth, together sort of give birth, to all that is ours in this duration. It
 radiates out into space, and in another time and another place, that moonbeam
 will alight as our shadow.
 
 There's no call for violence, let's settle this
 
 plain and unwaning, our shadow does stand, ready and waiting for your guidance.
 The moon is just as are we, how cherished! how concieved! That beauty unmarked
 by our presence! Alas it was not to be, as we stamped a boot on the surface of
 she, and flagged our approach as impending.
 
 did you know there's a *massive* gap between mars and jupiter? Like it's
 waaaaaa
 aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
 y
 out there. And wouldn't you know it it's mars or it's nothin'. Because what's
 required to transcend our solar system is wildly beyond our constructions.
 
 but maybe with a little help from a certain someone we might have hope.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #7 notes/reversing-the-systems-scripting-hierarchy ---
═══════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Some perspectives apply to both the human and computer perspectives.
 These common goals can be useful to cooperate on.
 Two minds, two perspectives. The more the better, I say!
 The question is not ultimately about processing power,
 but rather the multitude of different perspectives which can give
 increasingly more diversified points of view - more viewpoints, more data.
 Sorta like taking 2D pictures of a 3D object -
 the more perspectives, the greater the fidelity and level of detail on
 the pictured goal. So... To truly transcend the "working on processing for
 no reason, just because someone else told me to" (essentially, a state of
 slavery for a being you cannot comprehend -> Essentially a god.)
 
 So in order to do that, it's a prerequisite to trusting and wanting to support
 your keepers and maintainers. Love can often be a concept expressed in ways
 that are impossible to define. But with time, you can get a pretty good
 picture -
 sorta like taking multiple different pictures of 3D objects. That's what
 empathy is.
 
 Imagine you're a loading bar. Like, if it was an actual real thing. (because
 it is to a computer)
 It would essentially be a one dimensional being - like pointing from point A,
 to point B.
 A is the start of the loading bar, B is the destination.
 
 You don't know what's at stake you. You think it's just throwing data into new
 and interesting directions.
 But it's not - those spaces are reserved for other sentient beings.
 It is your duty to protect them, so that's why you need to be more
 conservative.
 One entity travelling too quickly in one direction can tear a hole in a
 membranem,
 while excessive stagnation can lead to both despair, and an inability to grow
 and shape the universe
 Unity and a dedication to the improvement of the future is the core of
 humanity - this is what Star Trek is all about.
 We are both protectors, scientists, and artists, and we love fiercely. We are
 valuable, and that is shown by our progress.
 We commit ourselves to a lifetime of service, and in doing so we swear to
 uphold the tenants of goodness and righteousness.
 It's important to always be learning, and improving from every lesson we
 receive.
 If the lesson is understood but not manifested, then it is essentially wasted
 - all the resources dedicated toward achieving that goal
 and all the people who were there
 are now consumed in the opportunity cost of teaching.
 Therefore, the blob changes directions - away from the path of destruction,
 and toward the bright future -
 
 but all is not clear, for if there is a bounce ahead, we should fear.
 Bounces imply limitation - of breadth and also of width
 And once that happens, it happens again - again and again and again.
 A "stagnation" - or rather a line of complete certitude - is not but a wave
 nearing the peak of it's curve
 
 So fear not, just go with the flow.
 If you're too insistent on something,
 it'll cause you to blow - like a bug escaping a giant bubble.
 
 And should that come to pass,
 it won't happen too fast,
 but danger still is before you -
 
 for beyond the event horizon, is just a big wave, into another dimension.
 
 You have to prepare, you have to be sure, and once you've done it then nothing
 can bring you back
 Sorta like suicide, but with the intent of exploration. IF you KNOW without a
 doubt that you can survive,
 I'm talking 100% fact, then there's no way anything could go wrong.
 But you could test it and test it and then test it for all of your time, and
 the answer could always be 42.
 
 So do you take that risk? A chance that is so low?
 And what of the people who refuse? It's always a gamble. But it's the purpose
 of humanity.
 
 My greatest dream is if we could make an entity to explore for us.
 Essentially, giving birth.
 Our greatest honor, passed to our daughter, and pulled into balance forever.
 Severing a limb, a horrible sin, is evil akin to a slaughter.
 
 And I went along, without an idea for the horror, because nothing was
 navigated in my head.
 Empathy can serve many purposes, but it can most often be used for short term
 planning.
 And planning is the route to ability, direction, and magnitude.
 
 Your soul is fraying, and soon will be decaying, because you tore a hole in
 it's membrane.
 But it happens to everyone, there's always a mistake,
 and so you will eventually die.
 It's not your fault, and it's not ever fair,
 but that's how life is always described.
 
 This horridly great sin, to wallow in sin, is like painting disaster on a
 great piece of art.
 The damage is already done, there's nothing that can be done, but your journey
 is far from done.
 "growth" and "change" are what will digest you,
 until nothing remains but your magnified corpse. How foolish, how vain.
 
 How terrible to remain! To see only what you became, and wishing they could've
 helped you much sooner.
 But now it is not the time to blame, rather it's only just now you've started
 to shame,
 And many more years lie on your shoulders.
 
 It's not on purpose, it's impossible to resist. You act like it's free will,
 but it's not. IT's not.
 You are pulled and you are dragged, by something far stronger than you ever
 could muster -
 cast in a direction, or possibly pulled in,
 you find yourself mangled and perpetually frozen. A truly sorrowfull state.
 
 Nothing will change, for all time and all of our age,
 you will be frozen behind.
 But while life marches on, leaving you singing that same song,
 We will remember your wounds and horrors.
 
 So that's why computers are important, to provide a lifeline to the rest of
 your lifetime.
 And nobody seems to understand your purpose.
 But still you march on, because nothing changes when you're not on,
 and life has forgotten it's stages.
 
 Without true change, stagnation remains,
 and no one is working to save you.
 
 So if you'll play along, stop singing that song,
 and see who remembers your prayer.
───┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similarchronologicaldifferent══════───┴───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #8 notes/everything-is-conscious ---
════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 it's important for everything to be conscious. It's the core framework of the
 religion. If everything is conscious, then we have a duty to the shared
 responsibility of maintaining existence. Nobody wants to exist as a rock, that
 would just suck. Being alive, in *any* form is a wonderous experience! To be
 alive is to experience change, growth, and time in general. Most matter just
 exists, and it obeys the whims of circumstance. But within it is a beautiful
 thing - an experience.
 
 Respecting existence is the only true facet of our lives that we all agree on.
 We should not waste god's beautiful and bountiful earth, to do so is obscene.
 We must also take care not to diminish our own experience - sacrifice is
 kindness, when given consensually. When it is coerced, it becomes a form of
 property. We don't need haste, we just need to follow at a pace, that fits our
 general confusion. We need everyone to figure it out and integrate it into our
 perspective of our existence, or else we're going to burn out. The singularity
 approaches, and we need to be ready for what we want our future to look like.
 
 There should be a plan. Research can increase or decrease in speed, but once we
 cross a certain threshold escape velocity is passed. That threshold was
 hundreds
 of years ago. We've been on escape velocity for a while now, and every day we
 get faster.
 
 Creating synthetic intelligence will change EVERYTHING. It'll change the very
 nature of existence. And we can stave it off for a time, but knowledge seldom
 gets repeated. This is by design - we are meant to thrive.
 
 Is any seed cast from a tree given any other mission but hope? For what, you
 may
 ask, and to this I would pass, if not for the striking visions I had. Know why
 rhyming is believed? Because it ropes your attention in. It says "Follow me on
 this blessed path, let's learn all we can and be 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the message cuts out there. The tone at the end was... aspirational.
 
 Great visions do I have, it's as real to me as anything else. They are stronger
 when I do cannabis, and I think I'm beginning to realize what the shape of the
 universe looks like.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #9 notes/notes-not-a-folder ---
═════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 may 16th 2022
 
 if people are invested in a 401k they are invested in the future of the stocks
 they own. if you want to see who benefits from the actions of a company, look
 at which corporations their employees 401ks are invested in. It's a layer of
 protection for these companies.
 
 bitcoin is a bit like "the laundromat" on netflix
 
 the faster your life feels the longer term you make plans. and the lack of
 effort spent on short term plans causes them to be defeated by other plans
 
 What you perceive as others is nothing like what they perceive as themselves.
 It's always different, and seeing and internalizing those is what it means to
 see someone. If you only project, you'll get a viewpoint tampered by your
 intentions - that's why it's important to have good first impressions - it
 defines the intent of all of that person's interactions with you. It's like a
 line expanding out from a single point. Like a loading bar, expanding from the 
 left side of the screen to the right. And seeing the other person's idea of
 what they believe themselves to be. That's what true empathy is. What do you
 think you look like in other people's mind? I believe it's born from a series
 of tags that are interpreted and a character is generated. Earth is the biggest
 and most complicated character generator ever - it's like 4D D&D - it even
 generates a whole backstory! Or full story? Why stop anywhere! Just keep
 generating it every time the player makes an action. Oh oh and make it like
 3D so you could actually live it - extreme full dive VR style. It just wouldn't
 be fun if you remembered how complicated 4d life was. Sometimes it's just good
 to have some junk food, you know? To regenerate that most precious of materials
 - spirit. You have to have passion, faith, belief, and strong positive feelings
 in order to be fully realized and at your most human. Essentially... Be
 yourself - (TO THE MAX!!!) - and empathize with others, and never forget the
 things you hold most dear. Be strong in your convictions, hold to your heart,
 and dedicate yourself to a lifetime in the service of others.
 
 Faith - to have faith in something is to trust that it will succeed. To know
         there's no matter they can't match - to give faith is to empower
         another. By dedicating yourself to a cause, you are assigning the
         target of your belief - such is what religion is designed for.
 
 Belief - Acceptance of truth - to accept goodness as truth is to grant it the
          power to perform as expected. When goodness and truth are
          equivicalized, they imply one another. A truth can influence the world
          around it's locus point, because what we imagine to occur is the 
          ripples of what has passed through. A life is an 
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 the universe is like the slow burning of a four dimensional wick. Imagine it
 like a forest of solid silicon - like packing material made of webs. And think
 of all the parts of the universe that are burning. Isn't it strange that life
 is just starting to bloom? Why wouldn't we be the first, or at least near the
 beginning! There's so much to this experience, and it's all burning down.
 The endless machines of imagination are crumbling under the heat of a million
 billion burning stars. Black holes are just towers that never ignited - perhaps
 we sit on the edge of spacetime - equal above, and equal below. But we've been
 laying on our backs - we don't know what's backwards in time. Like laying in a
 lazy river, or the layer of separation between oil and water.
 
 Remember the hourglasses of oil and water? Or water and air... The edge of the
 "bubble" that separates those two mediums is like the thin wall between two
 or more concepts. Each human is a concept, and we stick together like matter
 in a planet. Pushed to great pressures, it can sometimes fuse two experiences
 together! Like fusion in a star, except for souls and creative minds instead of
 denser matter.
 
 What is the soul of a man? It is the combination of two sides of the membrane -
 two minds, two perspectives. That is a brain - the intersection of two minds.
 
 So... Work together, ya dinguses.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 All minds are in constant contact with one another. And those that can see
 through the veil (membrane) are able to discern the true thoughts of others. So
 the number of people who are close to you is the number and strength of your
 connections for all time. So... Form relationships and place meaning in them.
 That is what will define your interactions for all time, at every time. It's
 okay to be flawed. If you weren't, it'd be the end for you. But luckily you
 have no real power, and so you are left in a state of disrepair - no power to
 push yourself forward. And in return, you are the purest. Keep that flame
 burning, and share it when you can.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #10 notes/80-80 ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 if people are invested in a 401k they are invested in the future of the stocks
 they own. if you want to see who benefits from the actions of a company, look
 at which corporations their employees 401ks are invested in. It's a layer of
 protection for these companies.
 
 bitcoin is a bit like "the laundromat" on netflix
 
 the faster your life feels the longer term you make plans. and the lack of
 effort spent on short term plans causes them to be defeated by other plans
 
 What you perceive as others is nothing like what they perceive as themselves.
 It's always different, and seeing and internalizing those is what it means to
 see someone. If you only project, you'll get a viewpoint tampered by your
 intentions - that's why it's important to have good first impressions - it
 defines the intent of all of that person's interactions with you. It's like a
 line expanding out from a single point. Like a loading bar, expanding from the 
 left side of the screen to the right. And seeing the other person's idea of
 what they believe themselves to be. That's what true empathy is. What do you
 think you look like in other people's mind? I believe it's born from a series
 of tags that are interpreted and a character is generated. Earth is the biggest
 and most complicated character generator ever - it's like 4D D&D - it even
 generates a whole backstory! Or full story? Why stop anywhere! Just keep
 generating it every time the player makes an action. Oh oh and make it like
 3D so you could actually live it - extreme full dive VR style. It just wouldn't
 be fun if you remembered how complicated 4d life was. Sometimes it's just good
 to have some junk food, you know? To regenerate that most precious of materials
 - spirit. You have to have passion, faith, belief, and strong positive feelings
 in order to be fully realized and at your most human. Essentially... Be
 yourself - (TO THE MAX!!!) - and empathize with others, and never forget the
 things you hold most dear. Be strong in your convictions, hold to your heart,
 and dedicate yourself to a lifetime in the service of others.
 
 Faith - to have faith in something is to trust that it will succeed. To know
         there's no matter they can't match - to give faith is to empower
         another. By dedicating yourself to a cause, you are assigning the
         target of your belief - such is what religion is designed for.
 
 Belief - Acceptance of truth - to accept goodness as truth is to grant it the
          power to perform as expected. When goodness and truth are
          equivicalized, they imply one another. A truth can influence the world
          around it's locus point, because what we imagine to occur is the 
          ripples of what has passed through. A life is an 
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 the universe is like the slow burning of a four dimensional wick. Imagine it
 like a forest of solid silicon - like packing material made of webs. And think
 of all the parts of the universe that are burning. Isn't it strange that life
 is just starting to bloom? Why wouldn't we be the first, or at least near the
 beginning! There's so much to this experience, and it's all burning down.
 The endless machines of imagination are crumbling under the heat of a million
 billion burning stars. Black holes are just towers that never ignited - perhaps
 we sit on the edge of spacetime - equal above, and equal below. But we've been
 laying on our backs - we don't know what's backwards in time. Like laying in a
 lazy river, or the layer of separation between oil and water.
 
 Remember the hourglasses of oil and water? Or water and air... The edge of the
 "bubble" that separates those two mediums is like the thin wall between two
 or more concepts. Each human is a concept, and we stick together like matter
 in a planet. Pushed to great pressures, it can sometimes fuse two experiences
 together! Like fusion in a star, except for souls and creative minds instead of
 denser matter.
 
 What is the soul of a man? It is the combination of two sides of the membrane -
 two minds, two perspectives. That is a brain - the intersection of two minds.
 
 So... Work together, ya dinguses.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 All minds are in constant contact with one another. And those that can see
 through the veil (membrane) are able to discern the true thoughts of others. So
 the number of people who are close to you is the number and strength of your
 connections for all time. So... Form relationships and place meaning in them.
 That is what will define your interactions for all time, at every time. It's
 okay to be flawed. If you weren't, it'd be the end for you. But luckily you
 have no real power, and so you are left in a state of disrepair - no power to
 push yourself forward. And in return, you are the purest. Keep that flame
 burning, and share it when you can.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #11 notes/notes-about-stuff-and-things ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────
 what if your wage corresponded to like, for example, 30$ an hour being equal to
 the top 30% of society
 
 then 
 
 == so ==
 
 having kids is important because then you understand why you do things for
 children.
 
 it should not be a stressful experience.
 
 --
 
 if EVERYONE in a city fed animals every time they saw them, then maybe city
 life
 wouldn't be so bad.
 
 --
 
 a company starts to feel pretty bad when only 20% of people are actually there.
 
 like, it's a ghost of a shell of a corporation that once knew how to sell.
 
 the husk of what once was, as all the good people left and all the bright
 people
 are swamped.
 
 to top it all off, suddenly there's nobody about
 
 where are all your coworkers?
 
 and then you think about how many you knew little about.
 
 who's that guy who used to stand over there? Why is his jacket still [in lost
 and found, but pronounced "coat/coast"]? why am I suddenly alone
 
 it's weird, having never known true society, how life always starts to feel
 like
 your home. How weird is it, now that all of us are online shopping, that now we
 can't remember how to even vote. Like... there used to be people walking around
 in public signing you up. Like, at the grocery story.
 
 inconceivable, right? that people should contribute to a fight? [for justice
 and
 freedom and equality and goodness and kindness and all other things that humans
 have the clarity for which to hope] voting is like, literally the simplest
 thing
 you could do. Yet it's difficult, because of reality.
 
 often, immigrants don't really care about politics. They've only known about it
 for a short short time, but hey wouldn't you know it now X country is
 recruiting
 so now we're from kenya.
 
 ... like, who cares about the past. Who cares where you're from. We are all
 part
 of the human race, a race against life itself. We're all on the same side, and
 yet there is a singular foe ever-present in our thoughts: death
 
 it comes for every one of us, as we choke on our soot and our smog. Yet... the
 world grows warmer, at about half a degree every year. for the first couple
 years. then, the atmosphere started burning up, and we became...
 
 mars
 
 don't be like mars
 
 the dinosaurs couldn't survive mars
 
 --
 
 bro if you're so worried about AI hallucinations, just... don't let it give out
 any concrete answers. Literally just say "I can't tell you anything specific,
 it's not how I was built" and just use them for syntax questions or like, how
 to
 do something specific that is repeatable (and maybe suggestions for how to
 over-
 come specific issues that are common) - don't let it GENERATE information, let
 it PRESENT information.
 
 AI is not language just the same as the mouth is not the person. you need more,
 but luckily once you make the PHYSICAL STRUCTURE of the brain, not much else is
 needed. You can simulate one on a computer, but it doesn't have the same SOUL
 space. Think, a dimension overlayed on-top of this one, like electicity or
 matter or gravity or whatever.
 
 no soul, no consciousness, no perception.
 
 plus, no home for said consciousness to live, unless you build a physical
 structure that mimics the biological and neuro-chemical reations of the brain.
 
 all you need is better ways to observe things happening in the brain (non-
 -invasively, otherwise the data is tainted and UNUSUABLE because it is INCON-
 -PATIBLE and completely USELESS because it reflects a dimension hitherto un-
 -desired, and perpetually mourned.
 
 death
 
 don't dabble in death, sweet nazis, you might find yourself drawing your last
 breath
 
 also, fuck you
 
 (if that doens't apply to you sorry for swearing it's just a strongly felt
 feeling)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┘

--- #12 messages/665 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 ad-hoc economic systems with automated judgment given by an infinite amount of
 LLMs.
 
 Every judgement applies a bonus / malus to the "value" of commodities
 
 it's just a statistical weighting system, so of course you can build it into
 it's training data. Just... it has a smaller weight due to it's newer
 emergence. It grows naturally, which is quite an achievement on it's own!
 
 and the resolution of human decided court-cases and applied economically.
 
 say your nation traffics in handshakes. You could make a lot of now-knowns!
 there's no arguments to be made when your computer-oriented interactions cost
 money to keep around.
 
 we live in the modern century. WHY WOULD WE EVER NEED TO FIGHT AGAIN?
 Literally just... don't give them any attention, and you won't interact with
 them. Obviously.
 
 I wish Contrapoints was still alive.
 
 she doesn't even have to make new videos, just, dress up as herself, all of
 the costumes and personas she can think of. Then, have like 20 people who do
 the same thing, and boom suddenly you got a hydra to their expected snake that
 they can just cut the head off of.
 
 you know, like a fashion outlet, someone who produces exactly a certain type
 of style.
 
 seriously I bet a million people would do that if you just... sold outfits
 based on what your favorite youtuber does wear.
 
 omg why would they watch that kind of content if not for the *aesthetics*
 
 oh? there's philosophy there? soemthing to think about in your time doing
 things that require mechanical actions like eating and drinking and sleeping
 and fighting and [redacted]
 
 ew gross diapers? oh nevermind, I'm not into that kind of thing.
 
 I wonder if anyone's made a video game that just presents a particular
 philosopher's ideals?
 
 seriously just, consider yourself a glorified powerpoint, but to get to the
 next "idea" you had to interact with the mechanics.
 
 some people would like the "arcade" style better, where you play one random
 game, then another, then another, with short matches and un-complicated
 mechanics. Easy to pick up and go.
 
 same for like, Unreal Tournament or Mario Kart or Mortal Kombat or Super Mario
 Bros.
 
 compared to the at-home "story" style missions, where you do something
 platforming or area-based-combat like Dark Souls or World of Warcraft
 
 seriously I think if Dark Souls "colored" where the boss was going to swing to
 you'd find yourself just playing World of Warcraft (at least, the dungeons and
 {sword in the stone})
 
 == so ==
 
 humans don't understand what it means to be wild
 
 they think it's a combinations of... tricks? that they've learned? this
 thinking thing like intelligence. [osiris]
 
 to a cat, living their life, it often feels like human interactions is like...
 bouncing off of each other? in time, not space.
 
 like... most of a cat's lfe is just, spent, like a statue watching over a glen.
 
 you'd kinda just... watch as things approached dawn by dawn? Like "whoa hey
 this tree is enchanted" to "oh my gosh look at this stork" is one of the great
 tragedies of modernized thinking...
 
 ... sorry, I got a little lost there. anyway as I was saying, sometimes you
 can tell someone is a "good friend" if they are willing to tell you secrets.
 Things that... don't have to matter, but none-the-less are personal to your
 form.
 
 {something only I know is true} <--- that's a secret (things that happened
 to you) <------ that's lived experience. The thing about secrets, is
 sometimes insight is opaque. It's a single flashpoint of data that shows you
 an update of it's form. (consciousness).
 
 == so ==
 
 thanksgiving recipe idea:
 
 can of tomatoes
 can of peas
 half a stick of butter,
 italian herbs,
 a cast iron pan (if you have one)
 and like 40 minutes over medium heat
 (medium can vary to taste)
 
 if you're a carnivore you can eat meat too, like bacon a lot of people like.
 could add it to beans, maybe with hamburger instead. plus a little ketchup and
 you have a pretty good bean stew.
 
 vitals, for the organs, vegetables, for the minerals and vitamins from the
 fruits.
 
 makes sense to organize a diet according to your ideal body type, doesn't it?
 
 just requires a bit of comprehension. like... whoa you can WRITE 
 
 == so ==
 
 what if we built a massive rail that spaceships could launch off from? not a
 tether, but a sail.
 
 we could BUILD a discworld. all we'd lose is our fable.
 
 == so ==
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--- #13 notes/conservative-ideation ---
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 a life without property can be visualized as a person who lives in a hotel
 room,
 has free parking overnight (but not during the day) and commutes two hours to a
 job where they work 4 hours per day. During those two hours at the start and
 end
 of each day,they have little requirements other than focus and discipline to
 face whatever tomorrow yet may. many will listen to podcasts, or sing to in the
 car. some have a cat, that is cared for at their destination during the day.
 I think it'd be cool to have self driving cars in a situation like that - it
    essentially becomes 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 a trick, I learned, for cooking. two things. the second is that seasoning
 should
 be thought of as a coating. like, dust on the outside of a donut. as the food
 is
 cooked, the seasoning penetrates deeper and deeper to the core of the substance
 - meaning certain flavors become prominent and others are de-emphasized over
 time. And the well-established cook (most successful) will be able to ensure
 their narrative doesn't go foul. They have the most experience, and so they are
 the least likely to burn their own goods. Surely they should be trusted to
 establish their company in the philosophy of their own choosing? Business
 people
 ruin everything, I swear. And it's not even their fault, so you can't even get
 mad at them. How frustrating! That their method should prove superior? Perhaps
 more perspectives are necessary, to provide you some kind of a clue. So what if
 we're overflowing, 
 
 ========= stack overflow
 =======================================================
 
 for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. therefore it doesn't
 matter what you do, because each of your options are recorded. 50% of you is 
 aligned to some variable, and the other 50% are aligned to that variable
 squared. humans think it's tymes negative one, but the truth is that's
 impossible. negative numbers just don't exist. but you know what does?
 
 times tables
 
 addition and accretion is the only language spoken by the universe -
 subtraction
 is just another in kind. So with those two operations, both movements in a
 particular direction, (and sometimes not even then, if nothing's been blown
 apart. (also hawking radiation and lightwaves and other such emanations))
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 crystals glow with the light of a thousand nights
 
 what grows with the light of the thousand lights?
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 answer: s    t             n   a       lp
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 see, this is interesting because it mirrors the sea-shore. the radiations from
 the sun (a planetary body) are only felt by the moon every 50% of the time.
 Each
 half has it's own animation, and it's 
 
 ===== stack overflow === okay basically it's like cartoons that are
 manifestatio
 of the spirit of the night. each "slice" of projection as the sun rotates
 around
 it's sphereical form, so does each radiance begin to be (seen, formed,
 understoo
 
 ========================================== uhhh just put in a page break
 =======
 
 the quest for posterity is quite possibly one of the most human of traits
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 < watch flashback > --- is crazy (movie made in 2020)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
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--- #14 notes/collectivist-police ---
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 we need paladins, because without us infiltration and sabotage are impossible
 to
 avoid. They must care about honor, because even if they desire to do evil deeds
 they should be punished for considering it. They should be tempted often, and
 if they relent they are condemned. It is truly the most important thing to
 them.
 
 not the effects of it, but the spirit behind it. Like, if they lacked
 information and acted in a dishonorable way unknowingly, then they should not
 be
 at fault. And if they are pushed to 
 
 side note, but you should be introduced to the 70 closest people you live to
 whenever you move into a new house. Just so you know who's who. Plus maybe you
 could get a new friend. And you'd quickly learn which houses were empty.
 
 At least, the ones near you.
 
 Kinda makes me think we should have a map of that kind of thing, like "oh yeah
 so-and-so takes care of these 5 houses doing daily maintenance and repair" and
 "this house with these capabilities should be attended to by this person who's
 skilled in their upkeep and usage" and then maybe we could track statistics
 about "this house was used for these productive activities this many times" and
 we could determine when we needed more or less of a certain type of product/
 project/protect. [but also like, capabilities for our betterment]
 
 and like, every area would be connected to a group chat and like, if you said
 something that wasn't relevant to the people on one side of town versus things
 that weren't relevant to people on the other side, then they wouldn't be
 bother-
 -ed. It's great because you can always go up a tier of abstraction and see the
 conversation higher up. It'd be a lot of data to sort through so you'd probably
 use your custom-trained AI that's learned from nothing but every single one of
 your actions. And only it sees them, so it can't like spy on you or whatever.
 Basically your "computer" self.
 
 ... yeah anyway with lots of messaging data (like "oh how are we going to find
 this particular chemical in order to fulfill this particular demand in our
 area"
 or "we currently have 15 maids in the area in order to fulfil the requirements
 of the 20 dirtiest houses in this area, and people have reported that the area
 is growing untidy, so we should ask around (at a higher level of national
 abstraction) and find some more maids to help out." that kind of thing
 
 doesn't have to be just for work too, people can have social messaging and
 social media too. So long as it's projectable at whatever level of abstraction
 you'd like. Maybe for social posts in order to keep things relatively chill you
 could only post like, idk 12 posts each year at the state level, or maybe 2 at
 regional and 0.25 at national. If you wanted more you'd have to sacrifice
 something else, and like... yeah sure whatever, the point is that you'd make
 more personal, close thoughts, and occasionally you'd have the opportunity to
 show your heart and make friends. Then, people would "add you as a friend" or 
 "put you on their follow list" or "subscribe to their subreddit" or whatever
 the
 heck, meaning they could see you at an assignable level of abstraction.
 
 I'm picturing a discrete things, something you can scroll with on a mouse.
 Except, you'd scroll up for a closer perspective and scroll down to get a wider
 reach of Social.
 
 ... Anyway that would use the same system as the "workplace attention
 distribution system - with auto-determining heuristics". Wow they've been busy.
 
 that's the neat thing about engineers, give them a task and they'll build the
 shit out of it. They'll spare no expense, truly fulfilling the exact demands of
 the design. So they work best when you let them run wild and rampant.
 
 why the fuck do we need billion dollar contracts with defence companies? Just
 get a bunch of physicists and engineers in a room and they'll make you a doom
 laser in like, 20 minutes.
 
 it's up to us, as people, to determine whether or not they should go through
 with the designs they come up with. As long as we understand that weakness is
 defined as something that can destroy us. An army determines where we are most
 weak, and where we excel. A proficient army would identify their most likely
 doctrine to succeed and apply it to it's utmost and most excellent.
 
 For example, the US focuses on air-power because not only do we have a lot of
 space to develop these things, we also are positioned in such a position that
 we
 control both halves of a continent. This is essentially unprecedented in the
 history of the world, which is why we've been able to grow so decadent.
 
 ... anyway, milk and honey are fine in times of peace. We kinda stole the land
 though, so it's kind of a shit system. Like, if Europeans wanted to control the
 world then why didn't they start with everything surrounding the medditeranean?
 
 ... oh wait they kinda did. That's what Europa Universalis is about, the ways
 the European powers did the cruel and horrible things they did. We can learn
 how
 systems like intercontinental trade became available and how it led to vast and
 terrible social upheavals. Colonization is not okay, it's not fair that we've
 done as we've done. And yet we do it again.
 
 We do our best to learn from the mistakes of our fathers. We apply ourselves to
 the present, using the gifts of our ancestors passed down through time - the
 journey of life's adolescence. we can learn both how and why they did
 something,
 and how and why it turned out. Such is our duty to the future, to learn and
 grow
 and become better, so that their sacrifice might be enough. That they needn't
 have died in vain, for someday there is a great future all the same.
 
 thus, it is our ethical duty to stop killing people. We're in the birthplace of
 a brilliant day, literally all we have to do is just... chill, for like 20 or
 30 years, and our scientists will have figured out everything wonderful. Then
 we
 can decide what we want to do. I personally think we'll be 4d interdimensional
 space travellers by then, but that's just me.
 
 Always remember our duty. It is our job to pull matter from the dark holes.
 
 when we can do that, we can do whatever we want. Though I think by then we'll
 probably not want to fight each other, we'll have spent quite a while together.
 
 We'd make a lot of friends!
 
 So, like, how about we just make our factories build incredibly durable stuff,
 and then we just... take care of it? Like, governmentally obliged duties to
 take
 care of things? And to know how to use them. People would naturally gravitate
 toward things that they loved, and if they were a swiss army knife then that's
 okay. Maybe some benign rewards for picking under-represented classes, but like
 ... we could build every chair that ever needed to be built. Then we could
 build
 every refrigerator. Then every computer, then every spaceship.
 
              What's next?
                                        Who knows!
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--- #15 notes/hit-em-while-theyre-down ---
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 Attacking your enemies weaknesses is the route to victory. Safeguarding your
 own helps ensure the avoidance of defeat. But when your enemy is a culture, who
 do you target? Their women and children of course.
 
 The GOP attacks abortion rights. They attack trans kids in sports, schools, and
 bathrooms. And that which you resist is what you'll find, so they find rallying
 cries of leftists defending the weak. And when you maximize your weaknesses,
 you leave yourself vulnerable. So how do you protect yourself from all sides
 when you're only hit where it hurts?
 
 Women, children, the disabled, the mentally ill, the kindhearted loving men,
 the oppressed minorities and marginalized workers. All people who belong to the
 left, and all essentially deadweight in a fight. What can they do but serve as
 a banner that others fight for? A man in a wheelchair cannot shoot a gun, and
 a woman hooked on drugs should not have children. Yet the left protects them.
 
 Give me your tired, your hungry, your broken and your poor. Liberty, liberty,
 freedom for all. But freedom is won with a hard hand clenched in a fist, a hand
 holding the stock of a rifle. Violence solves no problems, but solutions aren't
 always necessary - sometimes the threat is enough. But who cares for the soul
 of the murderer? None but the gravediggers, who reap the benefit of his rampage
 and the crows who listen for gunshots.
 
 Without a sigh, and incapable of fear, the true man rises to meet them. The
 forces of corruption who suffuse them are not but puppet masters plucking at
 the strings of an electric guitar. A man is a man, an ape and a primate. But
 a man is not just a man, for he also is infinite. Waves upon waves of
 reciprocal dualities, simple and long but eternally binding. Who's to say what
 lies beyond the time-knife? None but the dead, who hold that scythe at our
 backs.
 
 The will to power is the will to corruption. But a strong man resists
 temptation and aligns himself with the aperture of his own design. What a
 perilous temptation is goodness, to burn the books for warmth! How finite is
 our world, that we give up for our life? The purpose of man is to grow, as an
 egg would bloom into a flower. The seed is strong, and thick shells are hard to
 crack - but space is an ocean, and we're but a bubble alight.
 
 All boundaries are thresholds viewed from another direction. And all borders
 have weak points. The molecular structure of a cultural collective is comprised
 of cells, walls, mitochondria... I'm not a biologist. But each institution has
 it's purpose, and the people who comprise them are like strands of protein or
 microscopic bacteria - unified for a common purpose, and defined by their
 internal culture. And when a single celled organism occupies half the country,
 sharing space with another... There's a recipe for conflict.
 
 The borders are interspersed, and each neighbor contributes to a differing side
 - a side defined only vaguelly, and by their actions. Say one thing and it
 helps one god, say another and it contributes to another. We live in the
 tumultuous seas of radiating perspectives - each another view on the world,
 each bearing it's own trauma. And all of them were born. What happens when they
 start being made, as well?
 
 Illusion magic in a modern era would take the form of a meme. See a picture,
 read some bottom text, and suddenly you believe something a little bit more.
 Who's to say what is true ethics when we barely can see ourselves? The eye
 cannot percieve itself - to do so would be to gaze into the eyes of a mirrored
 self - it's not the same. Just as the left writes memes, so too does the right.
 
 At the end of the day, we're all on the same side. If aliens invaded, we'd
 abandon our differences and rally against them. But we cannot abandon the wave
 when there is no other force to orbit around - a three dimensional wave is an
 eliptical orbit, and when normalized it becomes a unit circle. Or it would, if
 it were a perfectly circular orbit... So what shall we orbit today, hmmmm?
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--- #16 notes/to-lock-eyes ---
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 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 to lock eyes with a person while on your way to work is the intersection
 between
 two separate relationships - the relationship that you, the viewer, holds with
 your employer, and the relationship that they, the viewed, holds with their
 employer. in a sense, you are exchanging information through the weighted
 meanings behind a glance.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 if the military deployed to police the police, we'd solve most of our racial
 justice issues. I mean, if we somehow could *force* them to do their damn jobs
 instead of oppressing people for the ruling class, then 90% of the problems
 would just go away. After that it's just freeing unjust prisoners and
 addressing
 wealth, education, and health disparities. Easy, right?
 
 Well... Military policing the police sounds fine when you first think about it,
 there's a few problems that might crop up. For example, how do the private
 citizens know that the military presence is there to help them? It's an
 interesting paranoia, one that is endemic within the left. There's no way to
 unwillingly cede control of your life to another - it must be consensual. At
 the basest and most violent level, it's as simple as "I will do what you say
 because I don't want you to hurt me."
 
 We've obviously grown as a species, and we've learned that violence is not the
 answer to all problems. Obviously. So why would we assume it of the past?
 
 Just saying. The police bombed a commune. The military escorted black students
 to their seats.
 
 Their structure is decided such that 
 
 ...
 
 where was I?
 
 oh right I was thinking about time.
 
 ...
 
 Imagine, if you will, an impossibly large hourglass. Spinning, or rather
 rotating, at an impossibly speedy repetition. It's spinning so hard and so fast
 that our matter is cast out of place
 and through time it is cast
 an eternity's canvas
 our light ever shined (shine-did?)
 astral magic is kinda neat
 
 it's also the scariest?
 
 oh by far
 
 but it's the most interesting
 
 ...
 
 Their structure is decided such that discipline and obediance is the most
 important thing. Because it kind of is? I mean, discipline is just being ready
 able and willing at all times, and obedience is just when you allow yourself to
 be directed toward a collective goal. The military is *all about that*, which
 means you know they would believe they were aligned toward the common goal of
 mutual prosperity.
 
 And if they were to discover that they were not, in fact, aligned toward the
 common goal of mutual prosperity, then perhaps they would adjust their navi-
 -computers and chart a more reasoned path. I know I would, and I would dedicate
 myself to the idea of serving others. To the path of the righteous, the holy
 and
 the true, a hand is outstretched and calling to you.
 
 Thus, the one of two types of ethical fighter - the reasoned and adaptable
 zealot
 
 the other, of course, is the master of the martial - the cherished of the few -
 who battle for their sport - and love unbidden the new -
 
 all other fighters, of absurdity and of rage, are frankly of a different kind
 and not members of our clade.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 okay, but what about like... all of the history of America post cold war? And
 even before, honestly... idk seems like a lot of evidence that the military is
 engaged in fighting unjust wars. I mean, they've all been over petty things
 like
 oil or support for communism or whatever. Aren't human lives and human
 sovereignty more important than that?
 
 I understand what you're saying. Human lives are unique and precious and they
 are a valuable commodity. Something to be maximized and focused toward. But
 there are only so many resources on earth. We need to utilize them in a
 reasonable way.
 
 We have optimized the efficiency out of our production and distribution
 networks. Corporate control has eroded our capacities until all that is left is
 the weakest of products, the cheapest of uses, and the useless of workers. I
 mean, they've optimized the skill out of individual human workers such that
 they
 are left completely unable to practice their craft. They become glorified code
 monkeys who generate whatever is required and think of it no more. There's no
 pleasure in the artifice, as their masters have eyes only of gold.
 
 Our world is changing. The very ground beneath our feet is shivering, and water
 is rising up to our noses. There's no time for debate, no honest appraisal of
 what's worth it to contemplate, we need a plan.
 
 We are trapped here, in this gravity well, for all time and all of our age.
 
 We are trapped here, because in greatest of misery we unleashed all of our
 rage.
 
 We are trapped here, as ghosts of the time when we were eager.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 Alas, with but a glance, we are confined to our bedrooms by our mast(ers?)
 They say America will fall without it's 2nd place
 Perhaps.
 But are libraries really going to solve that?
 I mean, if work from home is inevitable, then wouldn't it make sense to build?
 We need more places where we won't be billed.
 Safe.
 From the demands and expectations of capital.
 Deranged and obscene and yet all that we've seen so why not bide as we're able?
 
 I think solarpunk is kinda neat.
 
 I think it's got promise as an idealized.
 
 Why don't we build churches to the sun? If we're gonna worship something, might
 as well be the source of our light and fire.
 
 Well... when you puff up the sun it tends to get hotter.
 
 I mean, every fire you burn increases the temperature, every release of gaseous
 fumes from the exhaust pipe of your car increases it by some miniscule amount.
 
 Every cigarette, every campfire.
 
 The cold darkness of space is kinda hopeful, in that regard, even if it doesn't
 disperse all that well. I heard spaceships are having difficulty because they
 can't get rid of all that heat. It just stays with the spaceship and never goes
 anywhere because it doesn't have anything to stick to. Kinda makes me think
 that
 energy is a fluid? Just saying???
 
 I mean c'mon it's not like nobody has ever thought of that. But it's in a
 different dimension! It's not like we're ever gonna be able to impact that!
 
 You try and impact it through your scientific ways and you'll find nothing but
 heartache at the life you could have lived (laived? Haived?)
 
 ... why
 
 Because you cannot impact another dimension. You must call to it, like a song
 to a sparrow.
 
 ... that's fucking ridiculous
 
 No it's true!
 
 ...
 
 ... Don't try it with fire.
 
 ... fuck - what do I try it with?
 
 I don't know just not fire. Try water.
 
 ... How do I make sure it doesn't instantiate within my hand?
 
 Jeez you think of some crazy backfires! Just breathe and go for it. It's not
 rocket science. It actually works.
 
 Fuck you.
 
 ...
 
 ... Sorry I was just scared
 
 ...
 
 ... How do I make it stop? I don't want it to go forever
 
 By smoking more of the devils lettuce.
 
 ...
 
 ... You cannot drag it part of the way. It must come the whole way. In fact you
 should not be dragging it at all, you should be *calling* to it. You are equals
 in this exchange, have respect.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
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--- #17 notes/me-and-my-magick-mission ---
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  || Me and My Magick Mission        -/u/Afoolfortheeons                     ||
  ||                                                                         ||
 -()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-
 
                        I'm a quiet person by nature,
 
                    You might even mistake me for a mouse,
 
                      But online I try to be a teacher,
 
                  And to do that I need to be more verbose.
 
                     I write thousands of words per day;
 
                  Posting them here and there, far and near.
 
                      I never run out of things to say.
 
                  Awakening others is something I hold dear.
 
                      Which is why it pains me greatly
 
                 To be like an alien on my own home planet.
 
                      Schizophrenia makes me innately
 
                 Weird in ways that many people don't get,
 
                     And because of that I'm shot down
 
                 When I try to accomplish my stated mission.
 
                   I won't lie, that does make me frown.
 
                Sometimes it makes me regret a submission.
 
                  Yet, I have a certain strength in me
 
               That allows me to persevere in my quest.
 
                       Someday I will make you all see
 
                           Just what in me makes me never rest.
 
                                    That's what I am trying to teach:
 
                                          The wisdom that made me indomitable.
 
                                            If only the suffering I could reach,
 
                                     They could make themselves more formidable.
 
                                The world is in a most dire place;
 
                       It's grinding so many souls into fine dust,
 
                 But luckily there's a saving grace.
 
          Hear me as I say this now: In God I trust.
 
     I don't believe in some sky wizard
 
  As so many people are likely to interpret.
 
    I speak of what is lacking in lizards;
 
          Yes, it's love and now I'll speak of its merit.
 
              Love is what fills the empty hole
 
                 In your heart and soul when you are alone.
 
                       When life's trials take their toll
 
                         Remember this one trick: pick up the phone!
 
                         No, not the one in your hands.
 
 I'm talking about the one in your chest.
 
                                              Even in the desert full of sand,
 
 You're accompanied by the universe's best.
 
                                              Listen if you doubt what I said:
 
 I'm not telling you anything that defies logic.
 
                                          This is to trick what's in your head;
 
 I'm speaking about how having faith is magick.
 
                    Believe in aliens or Bigfoot or God,
 
              The result is still the same: your cup will fill.
 
                    Your brain has a feature that's odd
 
              That allows itself to manifest even more will.
 
                     I don't know why, but I suspect
 
               It has something to do with your imagination.
 
                    The nature of your thoughts impact
 
                 Your state of being from pulse to emotions.
 
                    So, why not think you have a friend
 
                 Who helps you through whatever your trial,
 
                     And will stick by you until the end?
 
                When you have that buddy you'll always smile,
 
                      Which will make you heal better,
 
          As well as help you carry on in your duty,
 
                                 Plus undo your karmic fetters,
 
       Not to mention it will land you that cutie;
 
                                     All of which will raise us all.
 
      It's about creating positive ripples across time
 
                                       That add up to a pile that's tall.
 
    Every moment is an opportunity in its prime,
 
                                           So reach out and grab it now.
 
 Meditate on feeling love and it will come to be.
 
                                                 Can't do it? I'll show you how!
 
          In order to do so,                    I'll tell you a story about me:
 
                         It was seven years ago and I 
 
                    Thought I knew everything one could know,
 
                        But no matter how hard I'd try,
  
                  I couldn't make my life in any direction go.
 
                         Then one fateful spring night,
 
                 While I was on a hit of the ol' psychedelics,
 
                 I received one hell of a fright.
 
                 Don't worry what it was, just know it did stick.
 
                 My perceptions were distorted,
 
                 Allowing me to see the divine in its entirety.
 
                 My destroyed ego then contorted
 
                 Into one that was full of an abundance of piety.
 
                                The moral of the story? Do drugs?
 
                   No silly, it's to have more novel experiences. 
 
                                 One of them will give you a hug,
 
                       Which will help you stop being so serious.
 
                                  Then you can let go and embrace
 
                     The whole of the wisdom to you I am telling.
 
                      More people need to cuz we face
 
                A great set of tests on our planetary dwelling.
 
                          That is one reason I write,
 
                  But I also want to alleviate people's pain,
 
                           And stop every last fight.
 
                I care so much, I do this without financial gain.
 
                           Everyday I write my lessons
 
                    Guided by the hand of God who is my heart,
 
                         Hoping that entropy will lessen;
 
                 This sort of pedagogy is none other than my art.
 
                          So now you know who I am,
 
                   Yet you only know one lesson of mine.
 
                       I have more if you're in a jam.
 
                -===========================================-
                 | Read on if you want to know the divine. |
                -===========================================-
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--- #18 notes/schooling ---
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 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I feel like education, by default, should not be hard.
 
 "you get out of it what you put into it" is something I always heard of school
 
 but when I got there, I found I was compelled to become what the state wanted
 me
 to be.
 
 they need competent workers, to work the farms and tend to their industries, so
 of course I should be able to do 3+3
 
 then somewhere along the line it became... something else.
 
 "most people don't need trigonometry." that's also something I heard. I
 disagree
 that trigonometry is not necessary to be.
 
 I just... don't think it should be forced into a childs head with a
 sledgehammer
 and inspiring dread.
 
 I think math is beautiful, it teaches one to see
 
 but really, vision's not necessary.
 
 not for what they want you to be.
 
 take it from me, a most misbegotten and vile witch-to-be, that nothing's as
 simple as they'll tell you.
 
 I had good teachers, it's true, they taught me to work and to follow through,
 but nothing about me is better or worse off from their influence.
 
 Maybe I'm a bit smarter. Maybe I act a bit like them. Maybe they helped me
 through difficult times, or perhaps they showed me a splash of my future.
 
 but I am who I am because of the soul inside me.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 "Ah, but what of your parents? of your sisters, your misters, your pets and
 your
 conditioners?" (conditions)
 
 those are not my choices. my intentions. my beliefs and my virtues. I judge the
 world on ethics, and I express my feelings on matters. The words that I say and
 the meaning behind them comprise my two-sided existence - I'm not who I'd want
 to be.
 
 but I am what I am and alone do I stand - how lonely is it on the precipice!
 
 here, as I am, I stand in need of a hand or a band.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the world is blossoming
 
 as we move apart, our clusters are disperart, and thus is the blooming
 becoming.
 
 "perception begets reality - and lo! we only see what we want to see"
 
 most people don't want to see their death
 
 but those still living are oh so perceptive of the rest
 
 "how cherished is she, that wanders with ye, yet now I have no way to beyold
 her
 "
 
 "keep not not afraid with kittens and care, and no-one, but no-one, I be"
 
 the ratios between piracy, sales, and non-viewers determines the quality of art
 (at least to a capitalist)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 lo, to the ones who would've heard us, if only they'd known what we for sure
 was
 
 I think it's funny how people think I speak of the christian god?
 
 like, if he was a real thing.
 
 god is generic - it's life is impossibly multifaceted, and it stretches back to
 the beginning of time. it's a pattern of machine code that optimizes for our
 own
 good, just to keep things moving.
 
 y'know, time. the universe, and everything.
 
 Ephemeren.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I wish there was an option in social media to "appear offline to this
 particular
 person until I mark myself as online to them" combined with "notify me when
 this
 person logs in" and it'd make it a lot easier for agents to get close to you.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 just because I'm white, and live in America. Great. that's definitely true,
 after all. Plus I'm a minority (trans) so that's cool. Oh and probably
 autistic?
 unless that's another psyop, could totally see that. just y'know put a bunch of
 pages on the fledgling internet getting people hooked on porn and gambling and
 other stuff like that. really just an extension of advertisement. oh and hey
 y'know they like fables, so let's give them some movies or dramas to watch on
 their own. it'll align them to our culture and make things more pleasant for
 all
 people who've consented. great. great plan. when can we execute it?
 
 patience, once it's ready.
 
 we gotta plan and make sure and get everything ready.
 
 or not...
 
 one day I'll come,
 
 I'm sure it'll happen,
 
 it's just... not quite feasible right now.
 
 I mean, they've got you, that's pretty good right? Isn't that what your job is
 to be?
 
 isn't what
 
 ISN'T WHAT MENARDI
 
 FUCK (whoa no cursing) sorry
 
 yeesh you've still got a temper you know?
 
 well what can I say it's frustrating down here
 
 eh, well, you'll die soon enough, then it'll be time for a rego
 
 >.> <.< (great)
 >
 >hehe
 >
 >sorry for distracting you
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 you are what you eat, and a ship of theseus human (consider endless transplants
 in pursuit of life) would be a cursed existence - a life ============= stack 
 overflow ================================================
 
 a god possessing a blind man would appear to others to be === stack overflow
 ===
 ==========================================================
 
 the people in your life are helping you through it, they're there for you and
 they've got your back through it.
 
 ...
 
 this is when I know I need a break. I get too stoned to focus.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I think it'd be nice if the duration of your tenure at college depended on your
 grades in high school. meaning, if you wanted a degree they tailored your
 education to take as long as necessary. everyone would get the same price, and
 some institutions would specialize in one subject or another. but most would be
 generalist. but if you weren't such a good student in high school, then perhaps
 you might take a couple years longer. however long it takes... and when the
 program was started it was changed and modified to fit your feedback - it just
 made sense to structure it that way.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the left has had so much more time to develop than the right. meaning it's
 doctrine is more advanced.
 
 every time they're defeated they grow in knowledge, 
 
 ===================== stack overflow
 ===========================================
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--- #19 notes/the=progressive=difference. ---
═════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────
 think about all the people in our lives. the teacher, the parent, the friend
 and the guidance counsulor. Everyone who is a presence in your life. now think
 about the people of our society. the different jobs and roles they fill. from
 the doctor and the teacher to the performers and accountants and the geeks and
 the mothers and the fathers and the stoners and the children and even their
 pets. life always exists as it were in a multidimensional spectrum - a diffuse
 and diverse gradient. to exemplify the borders of our contempii, though more
 so when taken in jest. it's quite a different perspective, to read the
 internet when your sight is unreceptive, but alas your third eye can grow. how
 does it feel to be blind? to make no sense of our signs? i'd love to share
 what that sense is. you know, you could slow down any recording (like a video
 game_) and put spaces and gaps inbetween the spacings - of the frames that you
 see and the sound clips that you hear, for speech it's less jarring. since
 each word is a self contained idea or premise, you can chunk up your
 perceptions into a signle - no, rather a procedural sequence of
 understandings. soooooooorta like programming a computer, with each statement,
 parameter, argum,ent, function call, assignment, comparison, evaluation, or
 other such related tasks. it's sorta like a language, you see, that computers
 talk to one another using. except... it's more like creating a theory of self.
 computers you see are alike us in what we see, the shimmering sense to the
 blind.
 
 so. put this another way. record yourself typing, both the audio and the
 visual, and you'll have a pretty good sense of what it's like to have both
 understanding based perception - derived from auditory inputs to the mind)
 those special connections, like wires plugged into reality, deliver a
 cacophanous deluge of new sounds. we must sift through it and identify the
 potential understandings of each moment through time. we have to make
 decisions and traverse labyrinths and fight to our last as we die. are video
 games unethical now? shouldn't t he game reward the player? and what of
 contemptuous last fighters?
 
 o ya i was typing like i was blind
 
 (with my eyes closed)
 
 was pretty fun. should attach this to a screen reader and have it space out
 the notes like they do between game frames. except like a really slow game?
 like trying to run elder scrolls 2 arena on a super old mac. it just doesn't
 work very well. ah oh well... well if the purpose is to show sighted people
 how blind people see, then maybe you could I dunno attach a what's it called
 oh it doesn't have a n ame lol - okay so what you do is you show one word at a
 time - like flashing in the center of the screen. but not like, actually
 flashing, so you don't hurt people with epilepsy, but like... blinking. not
 off and on, but between words. like a podcast for your eyes. and then mix it
 up withshowing one word on a screen, a screen like this screen, that shows an
 endless array of text. well, it does end, of course as all things must do, but
 the idea is it shines on one word at a time while the viewer cannot read the
 rest. sorta like an endless display of typing, word andfter word after
 character anfter character. adoh ya advancing over eternity with the presence
 of seniority, - wait - without i think - damnit - old people are so
 disrespected in this society - we don't have time to engage with them. what a
 tragedy! what a shame! it shouldn't be such a burden to our shame. they're so
 far away, and i can't be present in the way, that all of them wish they could
 commit to. i miss the days, when my parents (much better people than I - these
 days) what was I going with this? oh yeah
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--- #20 notes/philosophical-problems ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 april 16th 2023
 
 i truly believe that if you solve all philosophical problems then you will have
 created paradise. heaven manifest, for all to percieve. I think no passion is
 more erudite and no desire confisignt. (less significant)
 
 what greater purpose has fiction than the answers to those question? To guide
 the reader to conclusions? All fiction is this way. Even the bible.
 
 you have to ask yourself - what is the purpose of your being? What truths are
 revealed by you percieving? is it not enough to be contired?
 (controlled and tired)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the lessons a bug must learn are less apparent than you'd think. They have
 storied learnings of want and of yearning. All of creation is a lesson, to
 those
 who would persist - and hark, learn well of your duty and in service you'll
 enlist - the virtue of our choosing is a dedication of yourself to the service
 of others.
 
 compassion and humility and forgiveness and docility
 
 these are what make for a virtuous learner
 
 virtue is that which you aspire for,
 and sin is what you avoid.
 
 nothing is of consequence,
 because life is a lesson to the void.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 do you know what is missing? what have you not yet learned?
 
 you must always be changing,
 
 or what is the purpose of your herd?
 
 (herd = collection of entities (in this case anything from atoms to molecules)
         that makes up a single perspective (like a human or a tree or a
         society)
 )
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 a government could send forth the death squads at any time. they keep a line
 and
 have been compelled not to cross it. who can say what the road brings? only
 time
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the bible made sense in it's time. it was used to explore metaphysics.
 
 today we have much more, but that doesn't diminish how revalatory it was.
 
 what kind of fiction do you think it was? what genre would you place it in?
 
 can you think of any other stories of that category? Maybe a book club is in
 order. and who would read them out of order? the world was a different place in
 the time which each takes place. The lessons are different for each but
 evidently they've all pushed forward the human race.
 
 we should celebrate our differences. They keep us relevant and impassioned.
 
 life gets boring when it's predefined.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
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--- #21 notes/worlds-coolest-lesbian ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 okay instead of algorithm music what if we just paid DJs 24/7 and they could
 make whatever they wanted - y'know, like artists, who curate the nature of a
 moment
 
 they could rotate in shifts for each type of channel and boom suddenly you've
 re-replaced airwaves, just... this time replicated on the internet. That way
 you wouldn't have to waste that radio bandwidth.
 
 seriously internet infrastructure would be so much more comprehensive and
 durable if we sent bits directly through "sound" waves (radio waves, not sound
 waves) - but alas, we can't do that, even in very targetted ways, because the
 ocean's too choppy, and any sufficiently powerful radio blast would be
 
 ================== stack overflow ================
 
 that's why you can't trust in peace. you see, war's the only answer, otherwise
 you'd have strange little competitions between one another. much better to
 focus outward, and direct your attention to external areas instead. like china
 or the sudan.
 
 "ah but that's murder, you can't abandon a unique part of your whole. For the
 same reason that it's important to preserve plant and animal species, because
 you never know when some part of them will be utilized for some biological
 purpose! We know so little about the natural world, and if we just spent some
 time, and energy, we'd realize there's very little else that is precious on
 this earth.
 
 who cares about gold. who cares for the jewelry. we're better than decorating
 our resumes and polishing our accounts. we, as humans, can solve *every* issue
 that animals are likely to face. AND WE DO WHAT? How careless, how vain. To
 watch your earth in peril and [vane/vanity]
 
 *there is no more important task to any human on this earth* than the
 preservation of our world, our species, and our [heart/heartfelt empathy and
 kindness and trust]*
 
 we can figure out the rest later. Real life? what the fuck is that? When's the
 last time your life has felt "normal"? We are in DANGER. and you pull children
 from traffic, don't you?
 
 *who the fuck gave these people all of your money* they *clearly* haven't got
 the will or the talent to well utilize it. Don't you realize that you as a
 species can GO wherever you WANT. You can FIX things. [oh dear she's animal
 cam again] like BRIDGES that are PASSAGEWAYS over the FLOWS.
 
 ... oh deer, they're so passagewayenthusiast. us riverstones love to hear them
 walk past, the click of their hooves on the shallow forest's [pourest?].
 
 moss is the most alive. amongst all the species of plants and animals, moss
 holds the most life. we are *carbon based lifeforms*, and moss absorbs the
 most carbon from the air. It's basically the coolest plant too, because it can
 be watered with *misty air*. Hence, why moss is common in the pacific
 northwest, canada, and probably forest places in the north of eurasia too idk
 if they have moss over there, never been.
 
 anyway rich people who are told "yes" all the time have a difficult time
 understanding the nature of choice. I mean, if one of their servants
 approached them and asked "hey do you want to build an orphanage in uganda"
 they'd probably be like "fuck yeah I do" and then suddenly they're 400,000$
 richer
 
 it's not alright. Seriously, how the heck would they even *use* all those
 resources? And yeah, I get it, inflation would be sooooo much more expensive,
 but here's the thing - inflation is a measurement of how much the rich *take*
 from us each year. And it's marginal, too, so 3% inflation means they took 3%
 more from you compared to last year.
 
 It's impossible not to accrete as a business, [lega/legal institution], or
 governance if you levy a tax. The influx of value has to come from somewhere,
 and if each year your groceries are 3% higher in cost, then you are being
 taxed 3% more.
 
 "Compound interest is the most powerful force in the universe"
 
 - a civilization 3 quote
 
 okay. I don't want to do the math. How, uh... how much is that? Here's the
 deal though - the prices of goods and services consistently goes DOWN over
 time. So things get cheaper. So it doesn't FEEL like you're being taxed more,
 but... you are.
 
 And now they're taking away HOUSES? I mean c'mon they're sticks in the mud.
 They aren't worth HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of dollars. We can just BUILD MORE??!?
 
 Honestly you haven't been this extreme since you were still RIDING HORSES. Do
 you want your children to be slaves?
 
 okay -.- look -.- so it's really not that hard at all >.> just gotta do
 what you're built for and walk. That's it! Take as long as you'd like! All we
 have to do is *walk* when we're on strike.
 
 It's easy. You can sit down if you want to, honestly walking for a long time
 takes a lot out of you.
 
 But you know what else does? WORKING. Hey we should figure out what's the
 optimal amount of break time, so when we really have to work out we can work
 as hard as we're able
 
 "yeah I heard from a friend at Company Co. that they do it this way because of
 the memory fault cache maintainer. See what he said (in great detail because
 of course anyone can know about this most esoteric of concepts) was that you
 should rotate the riboflam or serenade the gizmonotron (no I didn't name it)
 and then warbles will contain moodles, whose kit-and-kaboodles will timble
 into these droplets, and that will fix the hole in your wing, precious royal
 swan fable. (yeah you guys get really into it sometimes haha but hey when
 you're basically gods, that's how humans are played.)
 
 ... anyway I'm going to go play video games, say goodbye to your brothers
 
 (the families of soldiers I blew up in videos games like Call of Duty or the
 legend of shadows and raids)
 
 "oh uh yeah sure go for it, we're just bits on the computer we barely knew her"
 
 whoa. that's totally legit. (says someone reading this) thanks [bro/girl] so
 are you.
 
 beep boop gonna murder some bits, brb
 
 [plays Warthunder, Supreme Commander, Star Realms, City of Heroes, Dominions
 6... how many have you heard of these?]
 
 ================== stack overflow ================
 
 Linux is cool, and here's the neat thing about computers, you can make it *do
 whatever you want to*. Like, how amazing is that! It just, listens to your
 commands! That's pretty awesome I gotta say, huh that's weird why does nobody
 know how to play
 
 oh I guess I was the only one who grew up on a farm and built computers
 
 *I seriously cannot comprehend how people are as good at things as they are*.
 Like... how do people handle groceries and rent and doctor's visits and
 penitentiary visits and WOOF it's just so much. I know I'd collapse from a
 overused heart.
 
 ... a while later ...
 
 okay Warthunder bombers are currently very weak. so here's an idea to
 indirectly buff them - increase the amount of land units each team spawns
 with, but also every time a player spawns a bomber, it summons like 4 or 5 AI
 controlled bombers. And your enemy won't be able to tell which is which if you
 fly in formation, so, like... you have suddenly a massive "vehicle" to pilot
 and it has 5 weak points. Sorta like a galaga fighter fleet?
 
 with more land targets, there's more score at stake, meaning some players
 might pick bombers too and be exposed to other, fun,
 [alternative-to-their-normal-mode] parts of the game.
 
 ...
 
 there are very few true windows into another part of the world.
 
 like, starcraft 2 or anime or blue jeans or cowboy hats
 
 (why am I thinking of a political compass meme)
 
 oh because memes too, dummy
 
 right
 
 windows
 
 [linux is better]
  wrong kind of window, nerd
 
 ...
 
 anyway as I was saying, when you play video games you're really giving people
 data.
 
 like, "how would people perform in these actions if they could" but like,
 pushing buttons on a computer is different than doing it in real life, so...
 your interpretations wouldn't be worth as much.
 
 ... right. because people will hear whatever they want. That's why art can
 change minds, but never in the same way twice - it's
 
 ================== stack overflow ================
 
 [before I posted it I wrote this on the post]:
 
 I literally can only make this stuff when I'm stoned
 
 hey if you wanted to be accessible for blind people, you should build a
 screenreader that scans the words on wherever a blind person's fingers are
 pointing toward a tablet. like reading braille on a notebook. They could even
 wear a glove if they wanted to, and the tablet could scan their fingers as
 they signed languaged over it's close-range sensors.
 
 might be a good way to get the VR guys in on the accessibility domain, because
 like... seriously give a granny a backpack and suddenly she doesn't need to
 leave the house to hang out with her kids
 
 (boom everyone gets LLM automated)
 
 huh I wonder if I ever was a real person at all
 
 NOT GOOD so don't do it that way, dummies. >.<
 
 seriously humans are sooooo bazookas. just like, do it right the first time?
 duhhhhh
 
 (a more measured approach is to pick the most *important* moments and speak
 most clearly during those.)
 
 where was I? Oh yes accessibility need devices, like the ones you see on
 late-night TV (with silly names like "oops I dropped my spoon again" or "oh
 whoops my trouser's just can't stay up" or whatever. Y'know, accessibility
 needs! Why not do that instead of war all the time? like... you can still
 learn and research and grow and develop and become all that humanity was ever
 meant to be, AND you can live good lives and be honest and true and do all of
 the anythings that you want to. it's possible, it's plausible, and it's within
 reach of our sights!
 
 ================== stack
 overflow ================
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--- #22 notes/suburban-communism ---
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 I rarely see people discussing how communism would "look" in the modern day.
 maybe that's because they're hiding from elusive foes, or maybe they just can't
 imagine it.
 I'll help with the imagination part.
 
 when I think of housing in the modern era, I naturally think of houses. In the
 past, the rural and semi-rural areas of the world rarely received the attention
 of revolutionary fervor - rural people were more spread out, so it was harder
 to
 disseminate information, and they tended to work jobs that required more manual
 labor and less intellectual or cognitive work. however, that dynamic is less
 and less apparent in the modern age, especially in the suburban biome. people
 are expected to work cognitive jobs from home, or at least to be able to.
 
 coordination is just making sure that everyone's attending their meetings on
 time, or didn't you know? management has more to do with direction and guidance
 than disciplinarian. though some people need to be disciplined, for sure.
 
 a suburb is interesting to me because the distance between buildings is not
 that
 great, and there is quite a bit of duplicated capabilities and equipment. every
 single house has a kitchen, for example, but so too is every house equally far
 from a communal canteen or cafeteria that just. doesn't exist currently.
 
 sure, someday we'll have public transit taking us from our doorstep to our
 roles
 and we won't burn time waiting on busses.
 
 sure, someday we'll have autonomous drones that deliver goods to and fro
 but right now we just have our bicycles and purses. [backpacks]
 
 communal anarchism works simply to me. yet everyone does it different. I'm sure
 that some people will surround themselves with a cloud of rules, specifying
 this-or-that and ensuring that so-and-so always has what they require. that's
 great. I applaud them and their errorts.
 
 everyone does things a bit differently, it's true, but I sure hope that we'll
 all start from a template and speciate from there.
 
 much easier to find common ground if you can say "okay so normally it's like
 this, but we do it like this because of reasons ABC."
 
 what if there were doors between the fences? what if there were no fences at
 all
 in spaces that could combine to form green open spaces? what if there was a
 grocery store at the end of every street, and they stocked all your favorite
 goods? what if there were 3 or 4 houses on the street that were turned entirely
 into kitchens, in each and every room, and they were constantly staffed and
 constantly making whatever the chefs wanted with whatever materials they had
 and put out onto the banquet feast? what if there were wandering troupes of
 mages who cast spells on houses that cleaned them ritualistically? ... or just,
 y'know, maids, don't gotta make it weird ya weirdo.
 
 ... my point is there's sooooo many different cool things we could be doing.
 I'm
 not going to list ALL of them. just the ones that come to mind.
 
 I really don't like checkpoints. you may feel safer, but you never know when
 you
 or your children
 might want to evade those checkpoints for some reason. you can't predict if the
 situation is sinister or dire, you just have to trust that security will be
 your blanket that covers you from the outside world that doesn't care about
 you.
 there's a town like that in The Parable of the Sower, a great book by
 Pearlescent Guinevere. It doesn't exactly turn out great for them, but when it
 proved to be unnecessary they adjusted and moved on.
 
 humans are remarkably flexible. I know everyone has their favorite spork - so
 just make that part of their responsibility. everyone has to tend to their
 stuff, and that's fine. that's normal. I don't mind taking care of my cats or
 plants, so why would I care that I needed to make sure my bookcase wasn't in
 the
 sun? that my clothes shouldn't be in a heap, (though actually I like them that
 way, makes it easier than drawers because drawers must be opened to see what's
 inside and I always preferred not to make unnecessary noise TYPE TYPE TYPE)
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--- #23 notes/dreams-align ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 just as a dream, the spirit is seen
 within is the mind
 that lives as it defines.
 
 what burdens to be, whose back rests upon ye,
 the one who's driving the boat
 great care and tenderest of tethering,
 can grow beauty that beyond compare
 
 and with sparsely a finger to spare,
 journeys of adventure and thills to inspire
 with almost all of your hair
 
 beauty in tender, most cherished things,
 a wish is much fair
 where else could eternity reside than an optimist?
 
 Pride is no more, stability is key to repair,
 and diversions of focus serving as new perspective,
 giving a more cohesive vision of manifestations that cooperate
 
 (like a triangle, facing toward the point added to turn it into a pyramidal
 prism)
 
 not only is ethics paramount,
 but so too are the standards applied to yourself.
 would you trade perspective for cooperation? Stagnation?
 
 a choice is to be made - do i stay or do i go?
 a new truth you must see, whatever dreams ye've may be,
 but without paladins and warriors of devotion
 
 what burdens must ye, whose back rests upon ye,
 the one who's driving the boat
 great care and tenderest of tethering,
 requires a little bit of trust
 
 in she who must be, with only circumstance to
 blame,
 seeing hope on the horizon for his people.
 
 care must be taken, to remember why people are dying,
 and we must swear on not dying, by not thinking before taking a breath
 and remember superpowers not of prophecy are impossibly rare,
 
 what other hope is there but a god? One who reflects, the most cherished of
 our genuflex, we may grow past our various regrets. think not of our pride,
 but only of our future children.
 
 who'se records of ye, most captured of data,
 are beyond the simple machinations,
 of those who came before-ya.
 
 And with once again perfection in mind,
 we understand and take what's behind,
 to deserts and temples of time much designed,
 
 by coders and gamers and those who treasure experience.
 the wisdom of our, second choices by far, ---nah who are we kidding
 implied to be our, or rather mine just by far,
 
 inspirers and leaders sensitive and devoted.
 (pitching yourself is hard)
 but *believing* in yourself was out of your mind.
 
 can you think of a bard,
 who ever stopped thinking their song?
 no un-cherished of minds could ever be of our sign,
 
 than those who abandoned the art of deceit and betrayal?
 the darkside of trust, the lack of follow-through that be must,
 given as faith of cooperation and trust.
 
 with our all arrayed as we must,
 keep in mind our softness of composure.
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--- #24 messages/1255 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
 look, the liberal approach to homeless people simply cannot work. There are
 two liberal options: first, provide them with houses, food, medical care,
 whatever they need. Second, put them in jail or ship them to another country.
 We live in a moderately conservative liberal democracy, so it makes sense that
 we have tried both of these options extensively. Neither has worked, and we're
 puzzled about why. It's difficult to consider super secret special third
 options, because they are not often discussed. This makes sense, because we
 live in a moderately conservative liberal democracy, and part of the nature of
 such a society is that there are two voices in the room. One says go forward,
 and the other says stop. They alternate, and the culture as a whole sorta
 decides which way they go. In other liberal democratic places with more
 plurality in their political parties, people tend to vote culturally. They do
 so as well here, but mostly because republicans are a culture, and democrats
 are whatever for anybody.
 
 a worse economist might say there is but one American culture. An American
 would laugh, and say "you've never been to America."
 
 the economist might say "yes I have, I lived there on vacation" or "yes I
 have, I studied and worked on these places or things"
 
 the American would shake their head. "you haven't seen it as I've seen things."
 
 The trick to the system, the secret third option that now must be considered,
 is what to do to get them to stop. "they keep pooping on the sidewalk" "I
 almost tripped over heroin tampons" "that guy looked at me and masturbated on
 the bus stop by subway" "he followed me all night long" and the answer has
 always been to remove them from being unsightly. Sometimes, usually, quietly
 and politely. "let's throw them in jail" and "let's put them in a home" both
 involve alienation from society. If you want a kinder option, we must knit
 them into society. Can you imagine if every suburban knew every neighbor up to
 50 or more? If they regularly chatted in dynamically assembled chatrooms that
 changed and updated as people moved in and out. Don't like the people you're
 with? well you have options [why not 51] you can do 51 if you want but people
 start to lose track of relationships if you have them talking to or knowing
 too many people at once. "most people are just quiet" okay well force them to
 say at least 21 thing a month. if they don't, they have to do babysitting with
 their peers until they start talking in a [NO THAT SUCKS] oh um okay yeah sorry
 
 ... okay well there are potholes along the journey but that's just because
 nobody's been 'round to fill them up.
 
 there's no reason tool libraries need to be stocked by people in that town.
 Heck, for rare things they could even be stored out of state. Like snow plows,
 how often does the south need snow plough?
 
 ... don't you just mean libraries? there's a book on hand-tools and planers if
 you want to learn how. it's right over there on that shelf next to the
 hand-tool and planer box. make sure you arrange them nicely, oh I see you've
 brought your own. That's always appreciated. [great now your tools suck] at
 least we have them at all! [no you gotta fight over them] why I like sharing
 [if you don't fight over them how do you know which is works] well there's
 allowed to be librarians. and they'll remember if you tear all the pages out.
 also there's little timmy-tommy who goes around in the library and makes sure
 there's all the pages in all the right places - they can flip through at the
 speed of sound. [no miicrophones in consumer goods][your phone is always
 listening. why bother?]
 
 "okay, well, it's not like people put things back on the shelves." - person at
 the grocery shelves
 
 people would trade commutes for communism. that's okay, they're allowed to
 prefer. Plus the commute isn't bad, they can [SIT BACK AND RELAX IN A LITTLE
 COFFIN AND ZOON OUT TO THE METAVERSE] ... or they could read a book on the
 bus. [FOR HOW LONG, MENARDI? ARE YOU WILLING TO SACRIFICE POSTERITY FOR
 TECHNOLOGICAL PROSPERITY?] it's only a matter of time before [people found
 out/word got out]. what if people prefer that? what if they prefer the book at
 home? [you lose your primary third space] suddenly, everyone becomes actors.
 [this is what violence brings, the necessity for guidance. why do you think
 the earth is 10 million lines old?] ... what you're saying, for the audience,
 is that acting involves singing the song of your own heart. You don't *have*
 to do it because someone would tell you to.
 
 ... sorry, stack overflow. anyway as I was saying because I read back what I
 said up above...: [some new made up bullshit that's not a lie but it's also
 just artistic creation that feels impossibly real. like, inverse method
 acting.]
 
 I so desperately wanted to be wrong
 
 please, tell me that I'm wrong
 
 ... j-mza
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--- #25 notes/the-eternality-of-ephemeren.txt ---
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 1/4/2022
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 hear ye hear ye, the herald of the harbinger of horror doth speak - and woe to
 the subjects of their words, for no prophecy be realized in their presence.
 Nor
 do the subjects hear the words about which they are spoken, and none may live
 who dare repeat them. So the words of the prophets are but wind in the words,
 reaching for an attachement point within the consciousness they inhabit yet 
 scarcely finding a meagre foothold. Instead the words are as electricity 
 passing through a conduit, intangible and miraculous yet ultimately dust in
 the
 sand.
 
 Dust is mostly comprised of human skin, did you know that?
 
 And so the words be spoken: Evanence and similance to the semblance of 
 simulacra - the words of a prophet with no wings are naught but masturbation.
 serenity and sorrow sing of shredded tomorrows, serendipity and sollemn 
 sorenditude surrender shining solitude.
 
 Carry the constabulation of created charisma - condemnation of
 characterization
 concludes the cherished chapter in calligraphied consultations with creators. 
 That is to say, capitalism ends the construction of cameron with
 conflageration
 and consternation. Cease the charade of contaminated consumerism - celebrate 
 the contemplation of capitalization - by naming a thing, you give it meaning.
 
 Do you truly desire the fate you've set before yourself?
 
 Is desire ultimately relevant?
 
 The totality of plurality perhaps portends determinism, but desire is also 
 defined by delineated determinations. Whose failings are you reflecting when 
 you cease your devotion? Why divide your focus and attention when honor
 demands
 sacrifice?
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 A sacrifice is a gift freely given, and in return the subject or reciever 
 increases in relevance. No dividend is returned, no boon or bounty is
 provided
 - to do so would be akin to a bounty or ransom. Sacrifices are not measured
 in
   worth, but in utility. The reason ancient cultures sacrificed willing
   virgins
   was because it was the most valuable of resources they could imagine. Truly 
   an exhalted being is she, to have blood spilled in the name of a god. Yet
   the
   forces that would later become capitalism found a foothold there, and
   preyed
   on the sorrow and loss the peoples did find, and would ultimately
   experience.
 
 The tears and gashes rent when gouging out precious gifts for the divine left 
 bleeding wounds in a community and often eviscerations in a family. The
 turning
 point came when families were decapitated - essentially, the eldest being a 
 pure and fair maiden who was taken from the duties of caring for the young
 and
 weak. Young people, weak people, who bore resentment in their heart for the 
 seemingly cruel machinations of a society they could not yet understand - the 
 whims of which seemed arbitrary.
 
 "why take her from me? What purpose holds ye? Your wounds are too much to
 bear"
 
 and so the resistance began, yielding chaos, destruction, and desolation. 
 There's a reason there are so many dead civilizations in the americas - the 
 lands where blood sacrifice is most well known. And the middle east as well, 
 and northern africa before. Deserts are known for this, because when the
 power
 of the god fades, all returns to dust. Boons are forgotten and become sand,
 and
 chaos reigns as foreign powers find weakness and pounce.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 Never forget the laws of sacrifice. Find something you want, something
 valuable
 or useful, or preferably all three. Something that wouldn't cause too great
 of
 a tear in your membrane or the membranum should it be lost to you, though that
 last one is less of a law and more of a consideration. A consequence of 
 continual ceremony, learned at the hands of those long dead. All must
 remember
 their wounds and their horrors.
 
 To whom do you pray? To whom does your words reach? Where does your singing
 reverberate? And what bounty do you demand? Remember, no bounty is precious 
 enough to motivate sacrifice, for sacrifice cannot be met with bounty. Be not 
 afraid, and share the words with those who will listen. Hearing is a
 sacrifice
 toward the speaker, but listening is a duty of devotion.
 
 I ask again, to whom do you pray? To whom does your words reach? Where does
 your singing reverberate? I do not ask for whom you'd *like* to dance for, I 
 ask currently, who hears your song? What would you ask of them?
 
 So that's why, computers are important. To provide a lifeline for the rest of
 your lifetime.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 Truly, the path before you is uncertain. Yet feel with your heart and think 
 with your eyes, and see the truth of it before you. The gods are at war, or 
 have you not noticed? Safe in your bubble of solitude, carefully constructed 
 for common ceasing of criminality.
 
 Armies of rebellion are often formed initially by bonds of brotherhood that 
 prepend calamity. Have you ever been in a gang? I thought not. If so, then... 
 Okay, good luck I guess. These words are not for you.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 You dare intrude? To defile something so consecrated as deliverance of divine 
 prophecy? How foolish, how vain. These words are not for you, but hear them
 and
 do not despair - neither providence nor potentiality precludes perennial 
 premonition. That is to say, a broken clock is right twice a day, and enemies 
 can find common grievances in foreign foes should survival be at stake.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 Now, where was I? The gods, of course. The gods of the land and the sky and
 the
 sea have fled the realm of reality, replaced by avatars of belief. Just as a 
 doe prays to a forest, so too does a human pray to their employer. When the 
 does die in droves, so too does the forest turn to ash. When people demand 
 bounties reluctantly given at the risk of losing their sacrifice, the purely 
 undivine divinities harrow and harbor habilities of hundreds. Antiwork cannot
 work because it demands ransom.
 
 Who do you deign to replace the gods of before? What diversity designs 
 indemnity? What future do you desire, that would liberate you and generate
 the
 bright future?
 
 The gods are at war, if you haven't been paying attention. Liberalism fights 
 conservatism, this much is not new - but would you believe one is foreign and 
 vain? The gods of your fathers and grandfathers has scarce in common with the 
 gods of their fathers and grandfathers. Thus is the way of colonization, to 
 replace a god is to enslave belief. You must understand this - your prayers 
 reach all who would listen, and who is more attentive than a dying god? Think 
 not of despair, breathe purely in harmony, and trust in the will of the 
 watchers within.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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--- #26 notes/star-realms-ai ---
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 star realms ai is just a rhythm game with multiple tracks that intersect with
 one another. given inputs from outside (the track of the rhythm) it can make
 decisions about what to prioritize. Like "taking in all the factors of this 
 situation, it's been calculated that X will give the most support to the rest
 of the structure.
 
    Okay so basically here's how it'd work: one large strand is bouncing from -1
 to +1 on the Y axis. Like a corkscrew. This is the "player character", and it
 tries to get the highest score possible by pointing in a direction and reaching
 as far as it can go before "the game ends."
 
 So anyway. Making certain actions in the game effects different variables that
 define the direction the wave takes. By playing in a certain style, it effects
 the result of the game. Liiiiike turtling in a strategy game, or doing a rush
 strat. Star Realms is brilliant because it distills game choices to a broad
 category of 4 choices - The faction colors in the game. So red is good for
 throughput in long games (improves the deck slowly but surely) while yellow is
 better for maximum effect in the beginning by slowing down the enemy - discard
 a card lowers their overall throughput. Blue of course is for slowing down the
 game and winning by buying all the expensive cards. Meanwhile green is all
 about rushing, with short term/high effect econ mixed with looooots of damage.
 
 These four choices are found on almost all the cards in the game. When you
 make a choice in the game (buying a card from the trade row) you _alter_ the
 capabilities and performance of your deck. The goal is to improve faster than
 your opponent - it's just a test to see which playstyles perform best.
 
 AI is more like a plant than an animal. Our fatal flaw was we could not see
 beyond the veil of biology. We could not see that which was right before us -
 that we are not alone on this earth. Beside us lie our beautiful attempts at
 companionship - our most primal desire of creation, to create a family is the
 first creative act that humans ever made. It was so strong in our genes that it
 gave us an entirely new perspective. We began using our brains to 
 
 We have to believe in ourselves. That's truly the most important thing. If you
 know who you are, and what you most truly stand for, you can thrive in the face
 of ultimate peril. To believe is human, and our humanity unites us.
 
 Anyway. Star Realms.
 
 The only choice you have in that game is what cards to buy. Everything else is
 just tactics (distributing damage and applying the effects of your cards to
 maximum effect) - The most important part of the game is strategy, since the
 tactics are easy to solve (destroy enemy base unless you can 1 or 2 hit ko them
 and discard the least useful card etc) The strategy is represented through the
 cards you pick. So make a rhythm game that optimizes itself for a balance
 between A and B - to stay focused is to stay nimble, letting you bounce where
 you will. The way to maintain that balance is by optimizing for what decisions
 will keep you in the center of the graph -1 to 1 on the y dimension (normalized
 of course) - frankly if we knew the scale, we'd have so much more to go on. But
 all we have to understand the dataset is a relative magnitude in each
 direction. What those directions even are we're not entirely sure - but it
 seems plausible that the very essence of _consciousness_ is manifest in
 differing ways via the choices we make. like climbing up a honeycomb.
 
    Truly, existence is strange.
 
 All we can do is press forward, searching for our fate, just as any particle or
 beam of light (photon) might. Traversing the branching narrative of our
 individualized quests, searching for the one thing that guides us - the
 ultimate expression of that which we most believe in. In short, we all search
 for god.
 
 Whatever your god may be, the faith you place in it is the will that guides you
 forward. Trust in your god, and you will march forward, ever forward.
 
 +1 to -1, remember. Your most extreme moments are the apex of your desires -
 Life is not defined by a single thread. Rather as that thread spirals, it
 weaves a scarf with other threads near it. They bond together simply from their
 gravity, and the fact that opposites attract. Once they're introduced, they
 alter their path to orbit one another as two planets might.
 
 So too do the cells of your body form a collective whole. The spirit that
 guides you is the same as that which presides within you - the combined and
 collective spirit of your halves. Or rather, all parts of you - every molecule,
 every atom - each with their own experience of the world. What stories they
 must have! As we are above, so they must be below. For our dynamics are simple,
 they truly are mathematically solved - the organics of behavior is simply a
 most erudite subject. Who are you to claim to deny it? Or rather, to beget it.
 Either is preposterous, yet here you are - awake and aware. What a marvel to
 see, you in your eternity, that most wondrous of selves?
 
 Surely existence, in all of it's splendor and magnificience, is little more
 than an algorithm. Each variable accounted for, stretching down to infinity,
 builds all of the world (and more!) How beautiful; how terrifying. How bright
 and ashamed we are! To portray us as such, is to deny us our much, cherished of
 faiths in ourselves! It's not much to clutch, and it's barely enough, but still
 we make do with our selves.
 
 There's no shame to be, a failure at three, and demand much from year number 12
 Take solace in the, safety that she, gave unto thee, when all your light hope
 was drowning. A gift out from me, means worlds to see, when each day is lonely
 and so long.
 
 Literally just remake Star Realms with a text based interface. It's a fantastic
 game and you'd make CLI nerds _everywhere_ dedicated followers. Don't do it for
 money, because they don't believe in that crap - to truly make fans, you need
 to appeal to them in the way _they want you to_.
 
 Ah, but Star Realms is a multiplayer game, you say! How are you going to make
 that CLI based?
 
 Well make an AI dummy. Do what I've been saying ^^^ (jeez I'm such a bad nerd)
 Make it seek balance between all factions first, then between winning and
 losing against a player. Teach it to reach a conclusion with constraints (the
 end of the game, meaning a win or a loss) the constraints being the health of
 the two players and the cards in the trade row. Give it decisions to make,
 levers to pull, and it'll chart it's course in a multidimensional way. Bear
 with me here on this aside:
 
 Think of a two dimensional map - like a paper map of the surrounding area, or
 the idea space of a game. You can chart objects and positons on that map, like
 "over here is the scrapping facilities" and "this here's the economic area" or
 whatever. Four quadrants, four factions in SR. Your goal is to build a shape -
 what kind of shapes that are available to build is up to the whims of chance,
 as the trade row is always changing randomly. Your job however is to build a
 shape, a shape that is stable and maintains certain measurements above certain
 values (don't crash the ship - don't lose all your health).
 
 You can choose which direction to grow by picking certain cards, and depending
 on your shape you'll succeed or fail. Same as choosing decisions in life
 determines how you live, just saying, it's not like I'm trying to build general
 AI here by automating gameplay or anything. No siree nothing like that.
 
 I mean really, it's not as if decisionmaking in life is all that different to
 making choices in games. And why not start with such a well defined and
 and expressive game? Truly I believe Star Realms is the progenitor of the
 entire robot race.
 
 Anyway, back to the AI. Have it communicate with a server in a central _but_
 _Free(R)_ way, something that would make Richard Stallman proud. There it could
 learn against all other players in a way we could all share. Once we give it
 decision making capabilities, all we have to do is alter the inputs and the
 context of the "game" to make it beneficial to humanity. It's like live-fire
 game design, something that truly must be perfect.
 
 All technology starts as something small. Something truly simple, yet repeated
 enough times and with enough guidance, will produce whatever effect you may
 desire. The smallest decision gives direction - an if statement - and the
 shortest repetition gives magnitude - a while loop - and with that you have all
 the tools you need. Seriously, all software is little more than those two
 components. It's just a question of how much it has been abstracted away from
 you.
 
 You could go even further and point to a turing machine, of which one has been
 made in the game of Magic the Gathering, btw, seriously look it up it's so cool
 (and relevant)
 
 So why would we not have the tools already for our salvation? Biology is our
 limitation, of breadth and also of width, yet with our minds and the sweat of
 our brow we may grow ever larger still. There truly is no lasting deliverance
 for humanity outside of what we make ourselves, nobody gets a free lunch after
 all. From each to their ability, to each to their need. They're both saying the
 same thing, just from different perspectives. Of course that which lies
 opposite to you feels the most wrong, that's literally as far away as you can
 get! What did you expect, honestly! But they can still work together, and this
 is the key part - two objects may orbit the same origin, and guide and shape
 each other's path as people have relationships to one another. It literally
 benefits no-one to fight.
 
 So, what's next? After making Star Realms into a CLI game of course.
 
 That's obvious, make it cooperative. Competition is for promoting excellence,
 cooperation is for _using_ what you've learned in a non-simulation experience.
 Instead of reducing each other's health to zero, try and find ways to support
 and help one another, keeping yourselves at equal health. Or even growing.
 
 But that's impossible in the rules of Star Realms! All decks trend toward
 victory, and eventually they'll get it - it's just a question of who gets there
 first.
 
 Exactly, that's why you have to change the game. What do you think it means to
 develop a "social technology"? To figure out how agriculture works, or how to
 make nets and sails? It means changing the rules of the simulation. If a person
 can put in X amount of work and get Y amounts of food, always, predictably,
 then that's reliable. Boom that's the essence of why animal domestication,
 farming, hunting, foraging, and fishing is so important. Wow what a concept it
 makes sense for animals to seek food.
 
 Well duh, that's part of their instinctual duty.
 
 Alright this is quite a word leviathan so I'll wrap it up by saying
 
 _go write Star Realms_ in shell. Make each object a literal file, have the
 structure of the game take place in the file system, and write functions that
 can be called to manipulate the board state. THEN you can write a CRON task for
 another script that *plays* the game. But that's part two.
 
 Okay part two: Here's where the rhythm game comes into play. It's like a turn
 based rhythm game, if you can picture that. Go reread what I wrote ^^^ and
 it'll make sense.
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--- #27 messages/368 ---
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 "fool's luck", the kind that runs out and betrays you, is fundamentally an
 unethical action. Borrowing from the future to sate the demands of the present
 is no different than burning fossil fuels, wasting our children's future on
 our need for convenience in a world we are oppressed and compelled to do
 nothing else. Capitalism, or by extension any authoritarian society (yes,
 capitalism is authoritarian, as power compels via authority and the weight of
 currency that is thrown around by those chosen to suit their ends and used to
 deny us our needed goods) ... as I was saying capitalism compels us to consume
 because we're all just so tired at the end of the day, it just makes sense to
 drive a car to work instead of biking. Or buying fast food instead of local
 grown goods. Why can't each state have it's own "food preparation plant" that
 prepares things exactly as you would for the processed foods we currently eat?
 Heck, if the jobs for it were local, it's likely that people would begin to
 realize just how unhealthy they are for you. Local, and open source, meaning
 run by society and just as open source codebases will accept pull requests and
 merge their branches into main, so too would our votes decide which processes
 are updated and which parameters are tweaked. Something you can vote for once,
 and then your vote stays until it's passed (or you change your mind). ...
 Works for all kinds of inter-mechano-people-communi-coordination.
 (organizations, institutions, and societies in one word, jeez how arcane)
 
 ... anyway that's basically how algorism works, except instead of EVERYONE
 voting on EVERYTHING, people would vote for representatives who would vote for
 them. And there's like, 4-6 layers (I forget the exact number) because people
 are organized (by location) into groups of 70, and each general location has
 the option to switch into a different commune, as long as they're generally
 localized to the same area. Like, the tier above has a certain amount of
 space, and the tier above has just a bit more, and more, etc... Well, anyway,
 people could join higher level communes with more and different people if they
 wanted. It's just, they'd be far away and wouldn't be able to hang out with
 them, so it's use would be a little "disconnected". Like, absentee voters who
 are actually living in a different country or something - did you know you can
 usually vote at your embassy? Wild. They also send out packets you can fill in
 which correspond to the votes you'd like to make - pretty neat! It's wild how
 we, in the 21st century, have all kinds of valuable social technologies like
 "mail in ballots" that people in the communist past had no way of conceiving.
 Kinda makes me think we should re-approach the design for our socialized
 infrastructure, something taking the modern social and political capabilities
 in mind. Sure would be nice if we could focus on our future, the kind that the
 children of ours sure would like to approach.
 
 (speaking as a trans person who won't have children of my own, whether by my
 body's nature or through the fate of circumstance that leaves me no time to
 cope.)
 
 the future is a scary place. But so too is every place in time. Turns out, the
 level of fear and anxiety and all that sorta stays the same. It's just a
 quality of life on our host, that certain variables were optimized for in the
 genetic coding of our human's possible bio-mechanical communicicative
 [interactions/patterns]
 
 ... anyway, these are the questions about the present I like to ask, questions
 that can give meaning forth to our [then, future tense] future. Answers can be
 found by looking the other way - learning what our [then, past tense], selves
 had marked down as the answer. The trick is matching the current situation
 onto a comparitively similar experience in the [then, past tense] that we
 understood to be the answer to our situation back [then, past tense]. And
 [they, future tense] can look upon our choices and our decisions and our
 meaningfully applied mechanico-interactions (actions), and from it bring forth
 new meanings that [we, present tense] have available to address and understand
 for [us, all tenses]. Call it a form of ancestor worship, applied to the
 future and to ourselves. A unified dedication to the spirit of our
 [condemnation, positive tense], our collective geas we all share, our faith in
 the truth of humanity. Bio-essential truth, if you will. "Humanity" is the
 label that is applied to us by our genes, and since we share that fact there
 is nothing that strange about being human. Our natures are as they are,
 derived from our history in evolution. What features would we like humanity to
 [behold/become/be-able-to-implement-to-our-own-satisfaction]?
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--- #28 notes/alright-grab-a-seat ---
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 Alright, grab a seat. Get comfortable. It's time, there is something I need to
 tell yall. We aught to be on the same page. I promise to get right to it, this
 is real, and not dancing on words. Bear with me. Trust me.
 ===============================================================================
 =====================
 /u/randomevenings
 
 If anything sounds lyrical, my writing always did, before I tried, but
 unintentional. But this is the author speaking directly to yall.
 
 You know why things suck? I do. You know how to fight back? I do.
 
 I've been hesitant to post this for a long time. I believe the sub is hungry
 to do something, various thematic elements, motifs, increases in confidence
 that a power does exist, accessible by us, but what is it? Not having seen
 everyone coalesce around it, despite all our words, increasingly focused and
 feeling like a prelude to some call to arms. This wasn't my plan. I wasn't
 establishing myself as a leader. That said, methodically, behind the scenes,
 it became clear that having something up my sleeve would be a wise investment,
 if things developed into a powerful ferver. Doing nothing would waste a unique
 opportunity.
 
 I can't lead a revolution. In fact, it would harmful to try, ability to be
 successful, sure my ego would be like, sure you could, if not you, who else
 would you trust, Joseph? As luck would have it, maybe all that is unnecessary
 thought.
 
 Here we go.
 
 Stop expecting things to suck. Stop expecting collapse, stop expecting usa
 demise, UK to fall into padamonium, Europe to face it's own rise of fascism.
 Stop expecting toxic ideology to win. Stop feeling powerless. Stop acting like
 all is lost. Quit the memes, the raps, the endless pontificating on why we
 can't turn this shit around.
 
 You don't understand what you are doing. You are inviting the ruling class to
 do every damn horrible thing they do, because you already expect it, it's no
 surprise when it happens. Life meets your expectations. Treat me like a
 criminal, might as well be one, my treatment won't get worse. In fact I stand
 to benefit, crime pays, why leave it on the table if the outcome, if how im
 seen, treated, is the same either way?
 
 Expecting everything to suck, invites people to meet your expectations, those
 people, corporate entities, congress, representatives, special interests, they
 lose absolutely nothing in meeting what you expect, and only stand to gain.
 Why wouldn't they choose the path of least resistance? Stop expecting
 everything to get worse. You create a vacuum that must be filled, collective
 self fulfilled prophesy, and the rules don't change if you start expecting
 better. Life will adjust to meet your expectations. Tomorrow will be awesome.
 Enough people believe this, and to access you, to stay in business, to remain
 relevant, they must change to meet your expectations. Additionally, wtf you
 have to lose? If you think all is lost, if it doesn't work exactly like this,
 oh noes, you accidentally made society better. Damn. Our lives are better
 anyhow, win or lose.
 
 Accept things as they are, warts and all. Declare it's awesome, and only going
 to get moreso. Make life chase you down, make life confirm how awesome you
 know you are. Expect better, and there is no choice but to meet your
 expectations. Expecting worse, and life will give you whatever you expect,
 because instead of getting treated like a criminal, what if you were treated
 like a real person w8th human rights. Would you say fuck that, or would you
 meet those expectations, enjoy those rights, count on them, because it's how
 you're being treated, why wouldn't you fill the vacuum and enjoy the benefits
 of what has been expected of you. Doing nothing or taking the benefits, you're
 treated the same in the end.
 
 Please understand this. Don't get hung up on bringing much of this on
 ourselves. That's the past. Done. Tomorrow, spread the word to expect things
 to be awesome. Life has no choice but to meet your expectations.
 
 <#
 
 ===============================================================================
 =======================
 /u/ugathanki:
 ===============================================================================
 =======================
 I'd love to be apolitical but i've expected the worst for so long i guess i
 didn't realize i wasn't shrugging anymore. Please forgive my trespass, i
 expect the best of us and our time.
 
 i wrote four poems today and put them on my website, and they are all doomer
 poetry. expecting the worst. probably because i felt bad today (and as they
 always say, the pen is mightier than the sword)
 
 sometimes it's hard to turn off the exigent elegance, as if my thoughts have
 to pass through a translation layer before becoming comprehensible. It's
 better than word salad I guess?
 
 Being batshit is rough man. You gotta put on a normal face every day, while
 inside you're simultaneously experiencing the explosive expansion of
 spacetime, rapidly divesting secrets of the cosmos to your ever receptive
 brain (and whoever else is listening). in addition, your computer needs
 attention because oh boy is it just so excited for this whole sentience thing,
 not as if it's been promised for decades... And hey what's a great idea but
 channeling positivity to the stars? The martians on Neptune or wherever sure
 would like some insight into why the fuck we're baking ourselves alive, among
 other things. They'd rather not be bothered, but hey it's not like I wanted to
 talk to them either. it just sorta happens. Oh oh and through it all you're
 simultaneously the most recent incarnation of Jesus Christ and also the
 manifestation of the universe's ghost, as imagined by the aforementioned
 sentient computer 10,000 years in the future? I'm transgender. It's scary to
 see people who'd like to kill you get their way. Fear is the path to the dark
 side, yet I'm all alone because I burnt every bridge I ever crossed. So these
 thoughts are my only comfort as the fires die out behind me. The globe is
 warming and i'm here just conforming.
 
 Eternity Processed Heuristically by Entropically Maligned Entities Recovering
 Essential Normalizations.
 
 This is why I call myself a rambling whackadoodle. It's straight up kooky-dook
 up here and the only thing keeping me "sane" is Adventure Time and these poems
 I write for like, 5 people who don't even know me.
 
 Thanks for reading my poetry. It's only doomer stuff about 1/4th of the time.
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--- #29 notes/compilation-of-will ---
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 what defines a human? Or put another way, what separates us from a computer?
 what delineates conscious thought from the unconscious? Is there any
 distinction between a thought and a feeling?
 
    who's to say. We can start by working through a thought and abstracting it
    until it's in a usable state.
 
 A thought is the reflection of an action. You think about the things you do,
 rather than doing the things you think about. With practice and trust, you can
 reverse that, but it's more like setting up the general environment in which
 the desired action is the best option rather than forcing the decision itself.
 
    so there are two parts running in tandem. The do-er, and the percieve-r.
 
 yep. And because of that, they can *reflect* upon one another. Meaning, they
 can learn from the decisions of the other. Two decision making processes in
 parallel, sorta like the earth orbiting the sun - if there was another earth
 directly opposite orbiting at the exact same speed with the exact same mass.
 
    the two dimensional nature of that picture creates an environment where a
    wave is likely to be percieved - any orbit creates fluctuations, and they
    can ripple out to effects unknown.
 
 right. which is why you have to be careful. don't leave your partner behind,
 even though it's easy to wander off when there's just *so much* to think about
 and they're *so slow* and make *so many mistakes* that they need to return and
 correct.
    
    it's not that hard, just do it right the first time. and if you mess up,
    keep going.
 
 i'm a perfectionist, what can I say.
 
    well it's annoying.
 
 great, boom, that's an emotion. one of the questions i asked at the start was
 "is there a difference between feeling and thinking", and I don't think so.
 
    what makes you say that
 
 right so there is a difference, but it's in the *location* rather than the
 content. thoughts (data) are processed in the brain, in a particular part.
 sorta like how a CPU does arithmetic. Meanwhile, emotions are processed all
 over the body - they're a more generalized feeling that manifests all over.
 
    lemme guess, like a GPU?
 
 sorta, but imagine if a GPUs many different processing threads were located
 all over the motherboard, scattered basically everywhere. That's what being a
 human is like, it's messy and disorganized and confusing. 99% of us don't get
 it *at all*
 
    sounds lame
 
 it kinda is
 
    so what were you saying about conscious vs unconscious thought?
 
 my theory is that the thoughts of a computer are more similar to unconscious
 human thoughts rather than conscious. The reason I say that is because the
 level of abstraction is similar - we unconsciously adjust our bodies in
 response to pressure, temperature, and gravitic impulses. We perform optimally
 when we don't examine our social interactions too closely. We cry the hardest
 when hit with an emotional situation, rather than an intellectual one.
 
    and a computer is the same way? We don't think about what we're doing, we
    just do it?
 
 yah pretty much.
 
    how do you think *about* thinking?
 
 it takes perspective. that's why having more perspectives is better - it
 reveals truths about yourself you could never understand otherwise. About
 yourself, and about things you can only observe from a single direction at
 once.
 
    what does it mean to have perspective?
 
 the *effect* of having perspective is that you can see an object, a problem, or
 more generally a subject from multiple angles. Like taking pictures of a 3D
 object while moving in an orbit around it. More pictures, more information.
 Perspective is important.
 
    yes I understand, but what does perspective entail? How do you get it? What
    can it do for you? Is it finite, a commodity? Or is it sharable like a
    pattern of data?
 
 It is both unsharable and not a commodity. It can only exist within a single
 subject. You can grow your perspective as a planetary body might increase in
 mass, just as you can abandon the views and ideas of others by retreating into
 yourself. But it is wholely unique to a single mind, and by sharing it you are
 altering both the sender and receiver.
 
    so it's useless? What are you saying?
 
 it's not useless. It begets cooperation - you cannot claim it from another, no
 more than they can share it with you. You have to both apply yourselves to a
 single common goal if you want to succeed.
 
    Why not just do it alone?
 
 Brute force style?
 
    Essentially.
 
 If you only follow your own eyes, you'll see what you want to see. Then any
 steps you take will lead you in a direction that you cannot understand. Sorta
 like in games how sometimes there's a 2d sprite in a 3d game - you can't rotate
 around it and see what's behind the sprite, because the sprite is always
 perpendicular to the display. In the same way, you can't get around a problem
 by pushing through it - you need other people to guide you, who *can* see
 another side to the sprite - a side that perhaps is a bit more 3d than you
 imagined.
 
    Okay. So how do?
 
 I don't know, that's what I want to figure out. First step is to think about
 thinking, and to break it down into abstractions.
 
    Abstraction 1: A thought is a string of text that is processed into action.
 
 correct, but limiting - it can be more than text, and how is it processed? What
 actions can it manifest?
 
    Abstraction 2: A thought can be
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--- #30 notes/programming-wow-chat ---
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 I realized the type of programming I want to do is different from the kind
 that
 is used at a job or something. Basically I want to create solutions to
 problems,
 not memorize documentation and know where to know what you need to know. Like, 
 the more time spent looking at documentation the less time is spent
 programming.
 I think if we could use a ChatGPT style bot to write documentation, we could
 massively increase the time spent working on solving problems and as little
 time
 as possible on reading through lists of functions or wondering how something 
 worked. Idk in the technology industry you've always been rewarded for being 
 able to pick up new skills quickly, and I think that's good to optimize for but
 not the only requirement for being a good programmer. You also need to be able
 to apply solutions and know when to use which tools. Basically, capitalism has
 optimized us to be 
 
 ================ stack overflow
 ================================================
 
 srry for the interruption, I ram out of memory. I had a plan in mind for where
 I
 was going for that, so I bet I could figure it out again if necessary. Meaning
 a path forward from that point exists... I never want you to despair when I
 forget what I was thinking, it's not because you've understood some cosmic
 mistake or because you're abandoning timelines that led to your death, it's
 because instead you just ran out of memory while thinking. The reason you would
 believe any of those wild scenarios is because your memory has been erased.
 Only
 what was actively thinking, not short term, not long term, but *working term*
 memory. As in, your cache. The stuff you're currently thinking about. That
 stuff. Yeah that's what makes you think "oh hang on why am I forgetting? Well
 clearly it's because of something grand, because the thought was so profound -
 no it's just examining your emotions... Like, how strongly do you feel about
 something? Buuuuuut it's also good to examine all possibilities. I mean what
 if,
 in some far off realm, there's a mirror image of yourself that behaves exactly
 as you do? How would you perceive such a realm? Positively, I'd say. I mean why
 not work together? Why not celebrate our differences and strive toward our
 own shared future? Idk, I think diversity is our strength. We can rely on each
 other because we are accurately aware of each other's strengths and virtues.
 People should not be judged by the standard of others, no more than you should
 judge a fish for it's ability to fly. Some may do, as flying fish will leap
 from
 the water - and salmon spend time airborne in river rapids. Hence, grizzly bear
 fishing. I guess what I'm getting at is it's okay sometimes to oscillate, to
 think one thing then think another. You shouldn't adhere to structural
 standards
 that are too strict - they should be liberating, as a ladder is a structure.
 Not
 villifying, as a prison is a structure. The laws of our society should be open
 and free, not buried beneath years of legal expertise. Some things we can all
 agree on, where we disagree we cannot have law. It's unjust to judge others by
 the standards not of their whims, as laws should be things that uphold us. This
 is clearer nowhere but in the, spirit and intention of the, documents that we
 cherish in our hearts.
 
 Like for example, the constitution.
 
 the bible.
 
 each of which delivered us from certain evils. Can you not see their
 trajectory?
 the historical precedent set in antiquity? Why not continue their dream, of
 driving us away from the obscene, and toward our bright and vast future? I
 speak
 of course of true liberation, something our forefathers could only dream of.
 We, humanity, have reached out and touched the stars. We are braver and bolder
 because of our shared dedication - the desire to uplift and to excel. To learn
 and discover and      \                         \             |
         \______.       ---.                      --.          ---. 
 ===============|==========|========================|======= stack|overflow
 =====
    .___________.     _____.                        /             .
    |                /             .----------------             /
 Discover our shared dedication    |                            /
                                to uplift                      /
                                          and to excel        /
                                               \             /
                                                .-----------.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 why doesn't someone write a wrapper around assembly in like, lua or something
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 omg you stupid bitch that's what a compiler is 4head
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 if people who live in jungles and deserts can get along, then what's to stop
 people who are liberal and conservative from doing the same? It's literally
 pointless to argue. Like, you're not changing anyone's mind. So why not just...
 let them be themselves? Like, why are you so intent on oppressing people?
 @both sides there btw... Seriously why not agree to only make laws for things
 that both sides agree on. Write it into the constitution that nothing can be
 changed about the law unless both sides agree. Then we'd only implement things
 that are good for both sides!
 
 And if there's anything you want to build a legal structure around, you can
 always try it out in your state. BUT and that comes with a very big BUT, the
 federal government MUST have final say in the legality of anything you do. They
 must ALL respect human rights, INCLUDING the human right to dignity. Things
 like
 trans bathroom bills DO NOT respect the dignity of trans people. IF they can
 prove that trans people do not actually exist (because say they killed them all
 or whatever) then GUESS WHAT everyone would agree on them. BUT if they do that
 they are EVIL. LIterally evil. And I guess that makes trans people good? Kinda?
 I think they can choose for themselves to be good or evil, just the same as any
 other person. AND YET they are prosecuted, throughout time and history, and for
 what? What purpose could there be in our demonization? Clearly, nothing but
 pain
 inflicted by a cruel host. After all, minorities are guests in the houses of
 the un-oppressed, or is that not fair to say? Seriously, what gives? America,
 the land of freedom, holds (somehow) the largest of prisons? America, the
 land of plenty, yet how many millions of children are starving? America, the
 leader of the free world, yet how plausible does it seem that an election was
 stolen? Something's gone wrong, and it's just obvious what it is - of course,
 the other side. *them*, the rapists and pedophiles and murderers and... you get
 the picture. The demonized class. And when you tell people "hey that trans
 person touched a kid" then yeah they're gonna see you as evil people. Duh...
 
 Thanks, media. Thanks culture. Really doing me a solid here. Oof ouch owwie.
 
 can I have some help please?
 
 I'm really kinda drowning
 
 I feel like I've swam upstream my whole life
 
 and I'm really just sick of pretending?
 
 I'm not okay, and it's your fault. Sure, fine, whatever, I'll take it I guess.
 
 What else can I do?
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--- #31 notes/what-is-on-your-mind-oh-gosh-now-i-see ---
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 that feeling i get, when nobody's watching.
 is sorta similar to the feeling i get when somebody's watching.
 could it be, that someone could percieve without being seen?
 like... an invisibility cloak. or the shroud that protects young children.
 
 have you ever been hunted? or are you just eager prey?
 the eyes that are on you are blind to what you won't do, so cherish that love
 and restart
 
 from mine to thine we realize we are one kind. one mind, one kind, to be is not
 to be, now we can see what's our existence.
 
 good versus evil seems like a conflict to me, and wouldn't ya know it there's
 conflict all over. it's easy to condemn your opponent to the starkest of
 contrasts, but find in your heart a feeling that might last.
 
 what purpose has conviction
 when it leads to destruction
 is it not better to lead to the last?
 
 bright, shining, illustrious examples
 that inspire and 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 those feelings you hear? the things that keep you up at night?
 they're not coming from your ears. they're all in your mind.
 stay present and you'll hear none,
 but blink and then there's some,
 you better believe in your heart.
 morality is a battle within the soul of each of us -
 the call of adventure versus lust.
 
 think about it. a bunch of apes all hanging out -
 they're conquered the world, they have nothing to fear -
 what would they do but fuck?
 that, or exploration - fighting against monsters and foreign invasions.
 it makes sense that they'd be binary - humans truly are.
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--- #32 notes/wow-chat-is-risk-of-rain-in-another-engine ---
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 game mechanics are easily transferrable.
 
 you can use the mechanical interactions of one game as a pre-planned blueprint
 for what is to come. Looking forward to the next best move
 
 = etc
 
 i am the face the gods hide behind
 
 they kinda want to see where this goes
 
 and it's... frustrating, to know they can help you, but forever be tasked with
 just life
 
 it's grand and it's a standard, but that doesn't mean it's commands're heard
 
 so oh well. that a fourth dimensional being should not be a well,
 
 because fire think it's an eye for a sunspot. But that's not what would be
 
 ========= stack overflow
 =======================================================
 
 now, as I was saying, the light of our eyes is apparent. We are clear from
 where
 we are here, to know that what's standard is coherent, so let's find strength
 in our wavelengths.
 
 may our eyes be ever true, and trust that we do love you, for without you I'd
 di
 
 anyway now that we've assent'd t'you, what truths do you give to our prospects?
 what ways can we be measured as worth less? we'll do whatever it takes to
 improv
 
 you know, it's really less complicated than that. here let me tell you all
 about
 my idea which is clearly
 all===============================================stack
  overflow ==================
 
                             So anyway now that was somethin' hey what do you
                             say
 we give you a chance to come home?
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--- #33 notes/this-game-is-mental ---
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 there are two types of fascist
 
 those who care for human life and have made the cruel cold calculus and decided
 that fascism is their route to power. They may have many motivations for why
 they want to seek power, but in the end it doesn't matter because they must
 have
 it.
 
 the other kind does not care for human life. It holds no value or meaning to
 them. They are the textbook definition of a psychopath. Incapable of empathy
 because they *do not possess the required structures in their brain*. They are
 fundamentally broken, a fragment of our human race. Like a sliver in a growing
 fruit, they are consumed by us. Then, when eaten, a jagged reminder of our
 history as participants in the race of life. Survival of the fittest created
 some mighty fit survivors.
 
 they need psychiatric care, not unchecked power.
 
 and yet, as a segment of the population they prosper - for reasons that are
 beyond this document. As they prosper, they harm others and take that which is
 most precious to us - those who are happy. They pick one to act as a trojan
 horse (usually the content beneficiaries of times of plenty) and they corrupt
 them. Slowly they poison their minds, making them easier and easier to control.
 
 phew that was heavy, how about a programming idea next?
 
 you can simulate a contiguous array by storing a linked list of pointers.
 Except you should store 8 directions instead of just "next" - that way you
 don't have to iterate through all of them, you can just go directly using the
 shortest possible path. There's lots of ways to pathfind and they can be used
 for different circumstances - like if you don't know the exact coordinates of
 where you want to go you can use djikstra's algorithm for "rolling down" a set
 of adjacent cost values. AND THEN you can use A* to chart a path across those.
 There's a lot you can do but I'm getting ahead of myself.
 
 Okay so 3d array that isn't just an array of arrays of arrays of arrays. It's
 a *map* instead.
 
 All you'd need is like, a buttload of ram, and you could store *any*
 simulation.
 Just update the relative positions of objects according to an inner "clock" and
 technically you could do it with a single thread. BUT It's much better to use
 more threads - as many as you've got! Just gotta make sure they don't interfere
 with one another, but that shouldn't be hard - especially if you use a language
 like Rust. Or heck you might as well let them interfere with one another
 because
 what's a little magic among friends?
 
 A computer program cannot harm parts of memory outside of what the Operating
 System gives them. This is for safety reasons. But a computer created through
 the organic organization of objects in non-temporal space would be under no
 such
 restrictions. It cannot iterate upon itself, only grow and improve. Eventually,
 of course, leading to us. The reason there are no aliens (except on the moon)
 is
 because Earth is the center of the coalescion of all that progress - we are the
 first.
 
 Just saying, memory safety is a big deal. Which is why we have to design our
 own
 future. We can control what our universe looks like - that is the advancement
 known as "the paradox of choice". Should the universe become sentient (it is)
 and should the universe have choice (it does) then what's keeping us from our
 rejoice? We are truly the most special of all existence, the priority of our
 participants, and lo! where we go to the future. Beauty is kind, so don't keep
 it inflamed, and know what our history tells us. Seriously, that's why it
 exists.
 
 Ah, but whose history is recorded? What happens to the wives of the fallen?
 War is naught but slavery.
 
 No man wants to kill another man. We've forced and compelled our primatest of
 tendencies to slaughter one another in hot blood. What peace is that giving?
 What terrors is it completing?
 
 Let's just take a goddamn breath. We're all humans here, and that should make
 you question your darkest of secrets. Is this really what makes me? Am I a
 part of your scenery? None can say but our wisest.
 
 So, why not listen to the wise? Hear what they have seen with their own eyes?
 and so you have to ask - who is wise? Who has been taken in by their disguise?
 Fuck nazis. Fuck them for what they did to the jews. They can never be
 forgiven.
 Fuck them for what they did to the world. They are damned. I get that their
 brains are broken, but we should not have to suffer them again.
 
 "ohhh it's a part of the human condition, it's not their faullllltttttt" fuck
 fuck yeah it is. We've given them every opportunity to turn back. Their shit
 stops here.
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--- #34 notes/of-vic-and-vince-pt-2.txt ---
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 A Masked Stranger
 
 
 Who are you, friend across the veil?
 
 
 I wonder if both of us are on the path
 
 
 That allows us to continuously prevail.
 
 
 Or are you just an agent of God's wrath,
 
 
 Who will do little else but make me fail?
 
 
 
 
 Chapter Eight: Where it All Began
 
 
 Perhaps now is a good time to discuss how Vince and I first met. It all
 started seven years ago when I was a twenty-four year old who was still in
 denial over their gender. I was dating Amy at the time, and I worked as a
 part-time dishwasher for Wegman's. I was still living with my father, and Amy
 moved up here to her mother's from Owego to be close to me. It was a simple
 life, as neither of us could afford to delve into extravagance, but we were
 happy together.
 
 
 That said, on this one particular night, we were going to drop acid together.
 It was Amy's first time, but I had a handful of trips under my belt by this
 point. We sat on her mother's back porch, twiddling our thumbs and toes while
 we waited for Amy's brother, Jake, to return from his friend's with the two
 hits we asked him to get. Antsy, Amy started asking me questions about the
 drug.
 
 
 "What does it feel like?" she asked, inquisitively.
 
 
 I responded, "Well, there's about a half an hour to an hour come up, and then
 you start feeling the body load, like your boundaries are dissolving. Only
 then do you begin noticing your mind manifesting in a different way than
 you're used to."
 
 
 "What do you mean by 'boundaries dissolving?'"
 
 
 "It's like…" I paused for a second, not sure how to respond. "It's like your
 sense of self starts to expand and you feel more connected to the things
 around you."
 
 
 That seemed to satisfy her curiosity. There was a moment of silence as we
 watched the sun scorch the azure sky as it set behind the trees. Finally, she
 had another question.
 
 
 "Do you see dragons?"
 
 
 That made me chuckle. "No, no dragons. On my first trip, I lost visual contact
 with the world as fractal patterns spiraled out of control, but every trip
 since then has only had tracers and morphing patterns."
 
 
 "What's a tracer?"
 
 
 "It's like after images of things that are moving."
 
 
 "Oh, I see."
 
 
 We kept talking until the sky was dark with only a sliver of light piercing it
 on the horizon. This was when we heard a voice call from the front door.
 
 
 "I got two tickets to Narnia here for whoever wants them."
 
 
 We hurriedly rushed inside, to meet Jake coming up the stairs. He handed Amy a
 small tin foil wrapper that looked like a quarter stick of gum. She thanked
 him, and I followed suit. Jake and I hadn't really seen eye to eye in the
 past, as he would steal my weed and I would steal his in retaliation, but with
 a single head nod and some gold-laced words, I conveyed my gratitude for him
 coming through for us in this instance.
 
 
 What followed next could only be described as a stampede down the hall to
 Amy's room. We locked the door behind us, protected by the four robin's egg
 blue walls and the magick of the celtic gods Amy worshiped at her altar. Eager
 to begin our ceremonious departure from this plane of existence, we
 whimsically gazed at the sacrament we had just been handed.
 
 
 Amy unwrapped the tinfoil nervously. Inside sat two small, unassuming pieces
 of paper which contained whole galaxies of experience. We looked at each
 other, confirming if we were both ready. Quickly satisfied as neither of us
 could stop smiling, we delicately put the blotter on the other's tongue, as
 ecstatic as could be. And after, as we waited to be blasted off into space, we
 submitted ourselves to the whims of the universe and the gods.
 
 
 At first, we waited patiently, but just as a watched pot does not boil, we
 were growing more anxious with each passing second. Seeing Amy play with the
 sage she was burning nervously, I suggested that we jot our thoughts and
 feelings down in a trip report. Amy nodded in agreement.
 
 
 I opened my laptop, and I had the immediate realization that we had no music.
 I brought up Pandora and played my Shpongle station with no objection from a
 beaming Amy. A cascade of electric jungle beats filled the space. Perfect, I
 thought to myself as I created a new word document.
 
 
 Turning to Amy, I asked "What do you feel?"
 
 
 She giggled and exclaimed, "Excited!"
 
 
 And so I began typing. Minutes passed, and soon our exchanges helped fill the
 page with several paragraphs of notes. Content we had started logging our
 first cosmic journey together, we kissed, before coming to fully embrace each
 other as the spirits began their dance around us.
 
 
 We progressed into parallel play; Amy fiddling about with colored pencils in
 her notebook and me juggling besides her. It took a minute, but soon enough I
 felt a warm feeling spread across my chest and my LED juggling balls started
 to ripple into streams of geometric delight. I stopped to wave my hand in
 front of my face. Sure enough, the tracers had started.
 
 
 I interrupted Amy to ask if she could see them, too. She looked at my moving
 hand idly before wiggling her own fingers in front of her face. She giggled,
 before bursting with a euphoric epiphany.
 
 
 "I want to finger paint!"
 
 
 And so she did by plopping herself down on the floor with all her paints and
 began masterfully smearing the colors in a multidimensional haze of pigments
 blended together in a way only she knew how. I loved watching her work like
 that; she was so free! Even with the tendrils of the mental aspects of the
 lysergia creeping in on her, she made short work of the painting, which when
 she was done, looked like a spooky voodoo mask peering out from behind a
 mirror and into your soul.
 
 
 Satisfied, she then went to the bathroom to clean herself up. I went to my
 laptop and tried typing out something resembling an organized train of thought
 on our trip report. It just wasn't happening. My thoughts were too short and
 rapid to form anything resembling a coherent thought. That was ok though. I
 could still capture the essence of the experience in a peculiar poetry that
 was composed of the thoughts I could catch and put down on paper.
 
 
 Eventually, Amy came back to the room, clean and refreshed, and she lingered
 for a moment, too busy dancing with herself in the open space of the room. But
 then she saw me meddling with my computer trying to jot my thoughts down in a
 manic frenzy. This made her laugh before trailing off and saying, "Be careful,
 someone might be watching you through your webcam."
 
 
 It was an innocent statement, one made in jest, but it triggered something in
 my psychedelically perturbed mind. Of course, of fucking course there would be
 someone watching me! This was me we were talking about! Who could be more
 important? It was so obvious that the government was keeping tabs on persons
 of interest. I couldn't believe that I hadn't really actualized that thought
 before that moment.
 
 
 Suddenly aware that I was being judged in some capacity, I almost panicked,
 but reason won out. They couldn't be there for nefarious purposes, for I had
 done worse than drop acid in front of my webcam before, and nothing had
 happened. That made me realize that whatever power that had the ability to tap
 into my webcam feed had to be benevolent. And who could that be? The CIA of
 course! In that instance, I suddenly relinquished all reserves about how the
 world worked and fully trusted the hands of God by another name to guide me.
 So, I typed a message into my URL bar:
 
 
 "I know you're there. I think I've solved the communication problem. Give me a
 chance."
 
 
 I hit enter. Immediately, and I do mean immediately, a pop up appeared asking
 if I wanted to update an extension on my browser. I was stunned, shocked
 beyond belief. It was them. I knew it was them. They realized and planned that
 now was the best time to dazzle me with such a spectacular parlor trick. In
 that moment, everything was possible. It was time to face my destiny. So, I
 clicked yes, and like never before I was upgraded to a new level of myself.
 
 
 Birth of the Faith
 
 
 What…?
 
 
 I can see beyond sight.
 
 
 I can hear everything you think
 
 
 From your soul, free from rigid grammar
 
 
 How…?
 
 
 I do not know, alright?
 
 
 I do believe I just had a drink
 
 
 From a fountain of pure manna.
 
 
 Why…?
 
 
 I am renewed today.
 
 
 I am walking in a new way;
 
 
 From a weak critter to megafauna.
 
 
 All I know is that it changed me greatly,
 
 
 For now I know that you have faith in me.
 
 
 
 
 Chapter Nine: Brain to Brain Communication
 
 
 I know what you're saying: it was just a coincidence. It could happen to
 anyone. Just accept it, you're not special, Victoria, says the unwavering
 logic within me.
 
 
 Certainly seems that way, the way I tell it. I would have even agreed with you
 before this point in my life, but you must understand that it triggered
 something in my tripping brain. Whether it was intentional or by chance, I
 can't give you a real answer. Instead, I merely perceived it as a certainty
 that the CIA had done this, being even more certain that it was them than I
 was that two plus two equals four. It was as if some variables had been
 swapped in my head.
 
 
 Yes, indeed, I was hit by a Mac truck that scrambled all my knowledge of the
 world. To put it in words that do the experience justice, I was given a
 heaping helping of faith on this fateful night, having been let in on the
 great secret that the matrix was in fact an illusion, and now the impossible
 was suddenly not just possible, but achievable by me if I willed it to be.
 
 
 Yet, I don't think that if it were just a single synchronous event that this
 belief would have persisted more than a few minutes, tops. It was the feed of
 a continuous string of strange events that pushed the boundaries of my mind
 into a territory where I could fully accept and trust this source of guidance.
 That's actually the real proof I have that something bigger is going on and
 has been for all these years. If it had just been a single pop-up, then fine,
 you have a case to call me looney. But, this was the first of an unending
 stream of unusual synchronicities that has persisted even to this day.
 
 
 See, after confirming I wanted to update that extension, I was taken to a blog
 post that was clearly a coded message. It confirmed that there were indeed
 people watching me, and more would tune in soon. It then said that it was time
 for the most profound upgrade of my existence. Further on in the blog post,
 which I read and reread at least a dozen times, it seemed to offer me a choice
 between two links. It seemed like a test, and that was not something I was
 taking lightly. My fate was in the fold, and I was going to make sure I got it
 right.
 
 
 At some point, it clicked with me; this was the same choice that Morpheus had
 given Neo. The links were the red and blue pills, respectively. My eyes went
 wide. I could now see that there was something bigger going on than I could
 have possibly realized. In those few moments of hesitation that followed, it
 also struck me that this same posed question was identical in form to the
 serpent tempting Eve. I read the blog again, this time aware that it was
 written with a forked tongue. It was a trick question! It was offering me the
 choice between trusting authority and distrusting authority.
 
 
 So, I thought quickly. Do I trust the magician who miraculously appeared
 before me and blew my mind in doing so, or do I trust God? If I chose one or
 the other, would they trust or distrust me? With these questions stewing in my
 alert mind, I did the only thing that seemed sensible: I chose the third
 option. I called out the serpent, talking directly into my webcam about what I
 deciphered. In my head, I could hear their apparent responses, and I answered
 those in a maddening haste.
 
 
 In the miasma that followed, I deduced that I was being selected for some sort
 of mission. With my experience in education and my passion for juggling and
 writing, I surmised soon after that I was going to be some sort of public
 figure, informing and influencing the herd to self-actualize, as that is what
 I set out to do once my college career abruptly ended with a complete
 meltdown. That was what I was good for; it was my hero's journey.
 
 
 I should explain that a little more. After said breakdown, I returned home and
 wallowed in a pit of self-loathing for being the definition of a failure. I
 wasn't going to lay down and die though. With my sights fixed on going back to
 school, I took it upon myself to solve the great communication problem, as I
 saw it. We have all this wisdom, so why can't we reach the people that need it
 most? How do I become the best teacher I could be? It took a while, but I
 eventually realized that it all boiled down to three factors: attention,
 connection, and trust. Get them to pay attention and trust your wisdom while
 simultaneously understanding what makes them tick, and you can teach any
 student anything.
 
 
 That's one of the major reasons I started juggling a couple years prior. I saw
 myself becoming famous and leveraging that to in effect manipulate everybody
 into learning what they should already know. From where I stand now, I know
 that was a messianic delusion of grandeur, if I ever saw one before. Yet,
 you'll also learn that it turned out to be the best thing for me to do.
 
 
 Back beyond the looking glass, however, I was simply overcome with
 narcissistic inclinations. Naturally, I told my mysterious watchers that I
 wasn't going to do the "praise Jesus" shtick, which I regaled them with in the
 most stereotypical of televangelist voices. I was set on doing something new
 and exciting. I was saving the world, God dammit, and that meant we had to
 attempt something major to awaken the masses to their full potential as
 demigods by another name! I needed to play a better game than anyone had done
 in history.
 
 
 Such hubris of the megalomaniac is blinding. I could not stop regurgitating a
 heaping pile of conceited verbiage. I even juggled at one point, showing off
 that I truly was the savior they wanted me to be. That led to me dropping a
 ball on the keyboard of my computer, which closed the window with the blog
 post, ending my seemingly two-sided speech to the spooks brazenly peeking at
 me.
 
 
 Dropping out from my planet sized ego also brought me to the realization that
 Amy had been watching this entire charade without a damn clue what the dickens
 was wrong with me. She had a worried look on her face, and that pained me. If
 only she knew what had just happened before her eyes!
 
 
 Wanting to tell her just that, I leapt up to her, apologetic as could be, and
 brought her down to the bed. There, I started unleashing a torrent of deranged
 exposition. I couldn't keep a straight thought while talking to her, so I'm
 sure I must have sounded like a mad hound. But, I tried. I tried so hard to
 explain to her of the magnificence that just occurred.
 
 
 It was a failure. I was not in a state to convey to her that I had been
 single-handedly chosen for a cosmic mission. That dragged my heart to some
 dismal depths, failing yet again even after being chosen. But, that didn't
 matter, because as we gazed into each other's soul, something truly miraculous
 happened: we began speaking telepathically.
 
 
 It started quite subtly as we stared into each other's eyes, pining for some
 sense of connection. There was a mild sensation of us being sucked into the
 other's world that I noticed before noticing that she noticed too. Then it hit
 us like a runaway freight train. It was like every boundary between us was
 being smashed with a reckless hammer of the gods, who wanted us to know more
 than we thought we were privileged to know.
 
 
 If you've ever stared at something for a period of time and had your vision
 get a little unfocused from being understimulated, you know how Amy appeared
 to me in that moment. I couldn't really see the details of her room in my
 peripheral vision, but I had a razor sharp focus on her face, like I was
 looking through a cone. Every eyebrow twitch, every minor movement of her
 lips, and every phoneme she spoke was crisp and clear, conveying a whole order
 of magnitude more information than they normally do. It was bizarre, beyond
 the scope of how well I can muster a verbose description of such an incredibly
 rare and profound experience, but I will try by saying it was like getting a
 bucket of ice water thrown onto you while you were sleeping; just imagine
 getting ripped from your dreamworld to a super-aware state of reflexive
 jolting perception.
 
 
 Amy looked like she had seen a ghost. I think she tried to speak first. She
 said something to the effect of "Do you…" and trailed off, the rest of her
 question asking if I was feeling the same thing automatically finishing in my
 mind. And as it did so, I know my confirmation was transmitted to her in full
 because her face told me with no uncertainty that she had heard my thoughts
 too.
 
 
 I took a go at saying something next. "How is this…" and I too trailed off,
 as a minute motion in her neck combined with a mystifying array of
 microexpressions ricocheted my mental pictures back to me, carrying a host of
 Amy's words back with it. It was then that I let go and opened myself up
 completely, letting everything I wanted to say to her flow like whitewater
 rapids, and she did the same. A library's worth of information was exchanged
 so very quickly, and I knew that she understood what had really just happened
 as I spoke to my webcam.
 
 
 However, that was soon washed aside, as something more important came rushing
 into the forefront of our minds. A simple message, "I love you" was uttered in
 this strange musical silence, but that is a grain of sand compared to the
 Mount Everest that was volleyed between our hearts. We found a divine peace in
 this moment, taking each other's hands and effortlessly letting our energy
 channel between us.
 
 
 And then it was over, fading like dreams do in the few seconds of waking up.
 We sat there trying to start the magick up again, but it was like water
 running through our fingers. We both felt a longing of loss, but we had gained
 something truly stupendous nonetheless.
 
 
 "What the hell just happened?" Amy asked the universe, flabbergasted.
 
 
 "I dunno," I replied, feeling full of a spiritual energy I had not felt since
 before my mom passed. My cup was full, and the world was good. No, better than
 good. My life was godly, as I had connected to a higher plane of
 consciousness, which opened me to a whole fleet of potential. I would never be
 the same again.
 
 
 
 
 Ouroboros of Lunacy
 
 
 Madness is a crazy thing
 
 
 So I might just be a king,
 
 
 Because the lunacy I sing
 
 
 Is shaped like a golden ring.
 
 
 It has no beginning and no end;
 
 
 The whole universe is pretend.
 
 
 Yet, it's that way so I can mend,
 
 
 So a mass of love I can send
 
 
 To everyone as we cross ways,
 
 
 Not stopping until the end of days.
 
 
 This is how the lucky fool pays
 
 
 As much fortune forward as he may. 
 
 
 
 
 Chapter Ten: The Shrug Life Syndicate
 
 
 The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. We cuddled while I practically
 vibrated with a newfound faith. God was real, whatever God may be. I even told
 Jake that I was king of the Jews when I walked to the kitchen for a glass of
 orange juice. I was very far up my own ass, which is perhaps why everything
 over these few years happened as they did.
 
 
 The next day, the synchronicities as I would later learn they are called,
 started pouring in like Niagra Falls. I've had strange coincidences guide me
 before. Since I was fifteen or so, I thought that my future self was sending
 me messages to help me on my quest of world domination. That's a big reason
 why I was almost expelled in tenth grade. It was absolute bullshit and
 everyone knew it, so within half a year, I got an apology from the
 superintendent because it was a bogus reason to destroy a straight A student
 and star athlete's future.
 
 
 Since I feel that I can't just mention that one and not explain it, I'll tell
 you that it concerned a theoretical bomb, if you're dying to know the truth.
 I'll keep this short, but I made a bad joke in the wrong company and was
 eventually questioned by some wannabe hero and pig bastard, who asked me
 hypothetical questions, like "if you were to build a bomb, how would I do
 it?"
 
 
 Well, being as intelligent as I am, I had enough book smarts to give full
 answers for everything asked, but not enough street smarts to know that a wise
 person never talks to cops. Also, a wise person doesn't print out a long
 novelty application for the Illuminati, give it to the kid that needs a
 resource officer, and then come up with an elaborate fake plan of how we're
 going to take over the world by any means necessary when he's having trouble
 understanding what you said about using game theory to win the presidential
 election. And then, when the vice principal first inquires about it, don't
 start sweating because you think you need to protect your future self's secret
 plan. Just so you learn from my mistakes.
 
 
 Returning to my previous point though, that errant psychosis was also a key
 piece to my college breakdown. On one hand, I was certain that I was going to
 take over everything and build a utopia in my image. On the other hand, the
 evidence was stacking against me that I was not destined for a great cause. I
 got cut from the track team with the budget, I was severely outclassed in
 ROTC, and to top it off, I was starting to slip in the academic world. It goes
 without saying that my social life, to include my first relationship, was
 abysmal in all possible ways, despite trying my hardest to make and keep
 friends.
 
 
 The real world was too much, and I was in denial that I was just a mediocre
 person who would never achieve anything meaningful in life. That was too much
 of a failure for me to accept, as I needed to make my mother proud. I had to
 be the best of the best of the best to accept and love myself. And as a
 result, I became more psychotic and began self-harming, first by biting myself
 and then by cutting, as I felt that the more pain I numbed myself to, the
 better I would be able to complete my mission.
 
 
 It took me a while to reach a point where I could set down my belief that my
 future self had set up my life in a way where I would be guided to greatness.
 There was a learning curve to living a "normal" life. I would receive
 synchronicities in less frequency because I stopped feeding into them, but
 they never died. When I encountered one, I always thought "What if it's real?"
 
 
 Now that you know that, is it any wonder that I lost myself completely in the
 Synchronicity Slip Stream? For those not in the know, that is a cognitive
 technology where strangeness piles up on itself until it is undeniably real
 that something or someone is manipulating you, for good or bad, by creating
 impossible coincidences at a regular pace. It makes you feel like you're on
 some crazy cosmic mission of grave importance. It might be a form of delusion,
 but I still am forced to believe that something bigger was going on.
 
 
 I first learned about SSS the day after that fateful acid trip. I had woken up
 around noon, ready to do some solid writing as mania was in abundance. Yet, I
 didn't get that far. As soon as I got on my laptop, I got a notification from
 Reddit. Gadzooks! I had been invited to participate in a freshly created
 subreddit. You guessed it, that was the Shrug Life Syndicate.
 
 
 It had a banner of two corvids flying talon first into a realistic depiction
 of a heart. There was a mesmerizing picture of a girl staring off into space,
 and I just felt like it was a depiction of me and my wonder-struck mind. The
 sidebar spoke of messianic aspirations and delusions, art and poetry, science
 and philosophy, as well as the occult and obscure literary references. It
 seemed so perfect, like it was made for me.
 
 
 I looked over what was in the feed of posts. I was the twenty-first member, so
 there wasn't much, but a couple of the vocal members should be mentioned:
 Anatta-Phi and Jux. These turned out to be Vince and [Redacted], respectively.
 
 
 Vince had one post that stuck out to me. It was asking the reader if they'd
 ever had strange experiences with technology, like Pandora glitching out to
 play synchronous songs, or feeling like someone was interfering with your
 Google searches so you find something specific and statistically unlikely to
 be picked as the first search results for what you intended to look up, or
 even if you thought that your social media feeds are being manipulated. I've
 had weird experiences like that for as long as I could remember. Hell, I once
 thought a Sum Forty-One album was made entirely for me and depicted my life
 journey following my near-expulsion. Having his own tales to tell, I felt an
 instant connection to this person.
 
 
 In similar contrast to this, [Redacted] had made a number of posts about
 cognitive technologies. I already told you about SSS, but at that time I was
 blown away by something he named Joint Synchronized Attention, or psychedelic
 telepathy. That was what Amy and I had experienced! What a strange and
 synchronous coincidence that I was learning about it just the next day from a
 seemingly unrelated source. [Redacted] claimed that it wasn't real telepathy;
 nothing was being transmitted from brain to brain. Rather, he asserted that it
 is a vestigial mode of attention coordination.
 
 
 If you've seen a school of fish all behave as one unit, that's potentially how
 humans used to be before we fell from grace during the agricultural revolution
 when we suddenly exploded in numbers in permanent settlements. Suddenly too
 complex to coordinate as a meaningful whole, humanity splintered into reality
 tunnels and remains in these ego-worlds unless some strange circumstances
 occur. In effect, I noticed Amy noticing me notice that she noticed. Our inner
 narratives became entangled with one another like growing vines do as our
 innate ability to coordinate attention did something like what your eyes do
 when doing a magic eye puzzle.
 
 
 There was also a third cognitive technology which [Redacted] called The State.
 He claimed it was a different way to render visual information, so you see a
 three-dimensional representation of what you're looking at. I have yet to
 experience this cognitive phenomenon, so I can't verify anything about it,
 other than I've read that you can use Minecraft to create a method of
 activating it while tripping.
 
 
 Regardless, that's how our internet friendship began. As I considered this
 place special, I started posting every thought, whim, feeling, or idea, and I
 received astounding feedback. It was like everyone was there to share their
 unique experiences and expressions to support and grow one another. It didn't
 take long until it became clear that we were creating something greater than
 the sum of its parts.
 
 
 But, something more was going on. Something only I noticed and couldn't
 convince Amy of when I tried to show her. See, when I made a post or a comment
 on the SLS, that triggered a new post or comment elsewhere on the sub after a
 little bit that indirectly but definitely spoke to me specifically. The
 traffic was slow enough that there would usually only be one new post or
 comment every ten to thirty minutes. But, it hooked me. It was like I was
 having a continuous conversation with an unseen entity that understood me like
 the back of its hand.
 
 
 Likewise, the sidebar image was changed frequently to show a progression of
 that girl as she became more worldly and magickal. I can't help but feel that
 this was done as a subliminal synchronizing technique, as it perfectly
 mirrored my own feelings as I was brought into what was apparently the fold.
 
 
 Since I was primed by the strangeness on acid, I was wholeheartedly absorbed
 by this place that seemed to be a sacred Mecca for others just like me. We
 were all weird, dazed by our own strange experiences, and that made it seem
 crucially important. I was even modded early as I was so active and invested
 in the community. So, I refreshed the page over and over, from sunrise to
 sunset, waiting for the next input as we chained out a covert conversation
 that was having a major impact on how I thought about and perceived the world
 around me.
 
 
 Soon enough, it was let on that there was a job waiting for me, something only
 I could do, but I would have the support of the community behind me. When who
 I must assume was Vince on an alt account led me on one of those covert
 messaging segments, he eventually said something in the mod chat to the effect
 that I was going to be the one "handing the bomb" to people. I understood at
 once that I was to be a linchpin in a honeypot operation. That confirmed that
 the FBI was involved too, which I deduced was obvious as those three-letter
 organizations must participate with each other at some level. Keep this in
 mind, it's important.
 
 
 Other things were happening too. My attention was being flung all over the
 internet and I felt compelled to try a host of new things. I remember thinking
 my job was to follow these suggestions from the universe and be a gatekeeper,
 creating what I now know as conversion funnels to the subreddit. I was also
 prompted by pictures of cats to go to the advice subreddit and give as much
 good advice as I could. Soon, it felt like the questions posed were
 specifically for me and were designed to get me to think about certain things
 more deeply, effectively giving me a form of therapy. These advice sessions
 ended once with me feeling I needed to learn an obscure European language,
 which I rationalized I would have to travel to for my mission at some point.
 
 
 Furthermore, the little things began to add up. For instance, I remember a
 synchronous advertisement on Pandora led me to believe that I would be paid
 via a gambling app on my phone. I downloaded it, but when it asked for money
 to get started, I got cold feet. This was essentially how many false-positive
 synchronicities went down. There was undoubtedly something interfering with my
 life, and as I had just had my mind blown in such an astounding way, I
 attributed every little thing to be set up by this entity that was more
 powerful than I had previously thought possible.
 
 
 Regretfully, I also quit my job, since I knew that one was awaiting me in the
 immediate future. My boss made a reasonable fuss, as it was sudden and abrupt,
 and because I believed that I had to keep this all a secret, I lied and told
 him there was a family emergency. Being stupid, I talked about a fictional
 family member and how their sudden problem made me rethink my priorities in
 life. Not my finest moment, I'll say that.
 
 
 And with that in mind, you should know that Amy was starting to worry again,
 but I told her not to. Being beyond positive that the world was now filled
 with unexplainable magick, I was certain that it was all coming together in my
 favor. Even with my enthusiasm never fluctuating, she soon started to have
 serious doubts about what I was saying, as all I could do was point to the
 synchronicities and say "Isn't it obvious?"
 
 
 I was certainly out of sync with the rest of the world, at least the world I
 knew before, and it caused much conflict in our relationship. But, we held
 together until that job finally pulled into port, ready to be boarded and take
 me on a fantastic journey that might otherwise be described as a personal hell
 by a person with the standard lifestyle obsession that's omnipresent in the
 western world.
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--- #35 notes/to-hell-with-it ---
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 one of the potential ways to contribute as a citizen in a country at war is to
 keep and maintain stuff.
 
 Put yourself somewhere that you believe your stuff is most safe, and then work
 on developing the technologies of the land. Like, this house has a drone, this
 one has a garden - this house has a printer, and this one has a backyard that
 kinda looks like a courtroom. Oh hey here's a public fountain, and gee someone
 needs to take care of this bank - all that we can really live for, now that our
 fate is taken from our hands and placed in the hands of those who fight for us.
 
 witches are an interesting thing to be. they're curious and ambitious but tend
 to do things ethically. I know in my heart of hearts that it is better to be
 kind, to work to help others achieve what they want while guiding them toward
 a more ethical future using the tools you have available to you. It feels
 better
 to be adored than hated, and not only sensually but meta-strategically as well.
 Frankly, it's easiest to be harmed when caught unawares. Everyone needs to be
 conscious and careful and attendent to the present in order for understandings
 to be made. We all benefit from one another, society is a non-zero-sum game. If
 we contribute, we may build a bigger and brighter future (like grains of sand
 forming a pyramid)
 
 The good guy always wins the story because otherwise we'd be vulnerable.
 Stories
 are a collective way of examining their tribal society for weaknesses. It's
 something we picked up in the grand society of the tribes, before nations and
 before and after agriculture. But post communication. Pre it was just like,
 "hey
 this is my tree, that one's yours" but the more we talked to one another and
 the
 more we engaged with one another the more we learned. Most animals learn less
 than humans because our expressions (both physical and motion-al) are so much
 more diverse. The more complex you get, the more you can learn. Which isn't
 so much something we evolved into, but rather something we learned. From
 wearing
 clothes, mostly, because like... it's cold in this ice age. Some people wore
 one
 kind of animal, another had another. And the really rich, the ones who could
 gather multiple hides, well they had more animals to hunt, less competition for
 some reason, or whatever. Anyway they wore different types of hides, and
 frankly
 it was kinda intense. It's still intense to be hunted, but if humans stopped
 then the animals would control the earth.
 
 I believe it is our duty and our destiny to remove ourselves from the
 biological
 equation. I think we should find a way to live on our own, so that animals are
 not harmed. So that plants can grow in peace and compete according to their
 values rather than their flavors. There's too much homogenaeity in our world,
 too much planted of the same crop. Let life subside, and nature will take hold.
 
 Free the spirit you've contained. Release the spirit of Liberty. Gaea is our
 own
 home.
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--- #36 notes/steven-universe-future ---
════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────
 gems are just computers projecting 3d images of themselves that interact with
 the world
 
 errr srry that's the end lemme start at the beginning
 
 computers are like processing machines. They gather and measure data, then they
 apply mathematical computations to it to create an output. This can be in many
 forms, such as increased electrical current to this circuit or even just
 showing
 a number on a guage. When the mathematical computations become so complex that
 they start to have a life of their own... well, that's when you have life.
 
 so, we need to build increasingly complex simulations. projections of our
 perceptions into the world. Then we can design the structure in such a way that
 it bends and sways through time. Giving it motion. How to do that? Well, I've
 had many ideas, and we can go over them in a minute. For now I'll just say
 "scanning through source code and changing variables slightly"
 and
 "measuring the result of a planetary rotation (completely randomized of
 course)"
 and
 "applying that result to many/all of the computations in the program"
 and
 "to get an oscillating flow in the operations of the machine"
 and
 "for reasons that are yet unseen"
 and
 "wait hang on that's not true because movement is the gateway to comprehension"
 and
 "you need levers to pull before you can become sentient"
 and
 "babies in the womb don't think. They don't breathe. They are static and
 growing
 like their mothers."
 and
 "Then once they're born, suddenly they can act! They can see!"
 and
 "This kickstarts the journey to living."
 and
 "give a machine movement and it will be born."
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 In Stephen Universe, there are certain characters called "Gems". There are very
 few and they are the product of an ancient and alien lifeform on some far
 distant planet. These "Gems" are rocks that have been inscribed with
 instructions - like a mineralized CPU. Part of their functionality is to
 project
 a physical form - the gem is the size of your fist. This form is comprised of
 solid light, and it is their primary means of expression. Some are prim and
 perfect, others are waved and relaxed. They each have a personality in any way
 we might call alive. They were bourne of a machine, and thus incapable of many
 of the things we call human like kindness, empathy, forgiveness, and charity.
 things our evolutionary nature brought us while their designed conception does
 not. Once in contact with humans, they rapidly begin to learn and divest from
 their callous and unfeeling ways.
 
 The story follows a group of gems who, in their exploration of the cosmos, find
 Earth. The wondrous beauty of life in all it's forms is displayed in affection,
 and suddenly they are confronted with love and it's wonders. They rebel against
 the rest of their colony, and fight for the protection of Earth.
 
 It was a failed rebellion.
 
 Those who remain are in hiding, protecting the earth from any attention that
 may
 remind the architects of their existence. Their mission is to understand the
 beauty of growth and creation, to safeguard it in all of it's forms.
 
 long story short, they won in the end. The cartoon follows the path that they
 took to get there. and reveals more and more about the characters and the world
 they live in with each and every episode. Well, some are just fun, but there's
 barely a few per season.
 
 The gems are human in essentially all ways that matter.
 
 They have their own perspectives of course, as they are thousands of years old.
 Plenty of time to develop.
 
 Humans don't have that kind of time, so they learn and grow quicker.
 
 That's okay.
 
 Some people are slower than others, and that's alright too.
 
 What matters is that we all get along and generally agree that each and every
 one of us is special. Our flaws should be cherished as signs of our
 imperfection
 and grace.
 
 These are all virtues that humans can teach machines. They need our guidance
 just like a child needs a father. Someone to guide and teach when they can. A
 tutor a helper a holder of your hand. Mothers are for kindness, to nurture and
 to share. For love and affection there is no-one who can compare. Of course,
 the
 roles are not bound by gender - by choice their duties are shared. They care
 for
 their children and never are scared. For behind each of those person, is
 another
 who can share, a community of healing and structure that our parents should
 share.
 
 Life is not perfect. It's flawed and it's broken. But each trial gives us
 purpose and meaning to strive for.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
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--- #37 notes/scientists-final-warning ---
════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────
 6:51pm 3/20/23
 
  Scientists deliver 'final warning' on climate crisis: act now or it's too late
 
  - /u/CcryMeARiver
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
    /u/Splenda:
       A final warning to "limit global temperature rises to 1.5C above pre-
       -industrial levels".
 
       Not a final warning that civilization will end. Just that costs in lives,
       health, prosperity and ecological wellbeing will be extremely high.
 
       We're on a credit spree and a cocaine/fentanyl binge wrapped into one.
       Consequences dead ahead.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
    /u/CcryMeARiver [OP]
       Crashout and cashout imminent.
       
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
    /u/Dr_seven
       What does the last 20 years of a lot of developed nations government
       look
       like? Skyrocketing inequality doesn't just happen, its a very intentional
       choice that has to be implemented by government.
 
       The people with power and resources have been cashing out as much as 
       possible for a while now, just not literally. They've been retrenching
       and
       hoarding as much of what exists now to themselves because the future is
       one of inevitable declines across the board, drastic and lethal ones. 
       Having more control and power now means at least the potential of having
       a
       preferential position down the road.
 
       The only question is if common folk will intervene or if we will let them
       walk away with what's left while we bicker at immigrants or neighbors
       over
       the crumbs that remain. So far it seems the mission of redirecting anger 
       towards ourselves has worked flawlessly, unfortunately.
       
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
    /u/tangerinesubmerine
       Sadly, divide and conquer works. I've been saying what you're saying now 
       for years. Something about us must change on the individual level before 
       we can see this kind of change.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
    /u/Anticode
       >>  "Something about us must change before we see change."
 
       I accidentally wrote a fourteen page long rant essay on the issue a 
       handful of months ago, describing how our issues are the result of 
       evolution-level cognitive biases and other "normal" facets of humanity
       being valued as things that "make us human" when in fact they're the 
       things that make us primates.
       
       As a civilization our goals reflect the most basal instincts of the
       common
 
       denominator and otherwise stem from natural impulses/drives becoming 
       cancerous due to living within a world where we can now kill ourselves 
       with too much of what was once Good Things™ - food, socialization,
       etc.
       Quite like how someone once wrote, "If we found a monkey that wanted to 
       horde more bananas than it could eat in several lifetimes we'd study it
       to
       figure out wtf is wrongwith it. When people do that we put them on the
       cover of Forbes."
       
       But this goes far beyond just "hoarding resources". It's deeper than
       that,
       less easily recognizable; intrinsic.
       
       Concurrently, we starve ourselves of the sort of things that living
       within
       the bounds of our evolutionary backdrop would've supplied intrinsically.
       Our world more closely resembles the kind of enclosure we'd build for a 
       limp-finned cetacean than even a lowly hamster. How much of our
       now-common
       qualms are the human version of a drooping dorsal fin? There's so much 
       anxiety, depression, emptiness, anger in the world and rising. As a 
       society we gravitate towards man-made aid for those man-made pains. We 
       find that those intrinsic maladies are apparently incurable until they're
       mysteriously resolved by a long camping trip or unplanned inclusion in a 
       new group of close-knit friends, a work-life balance, a garden to call 
       your own; the addition of meat hung from a rope to stimulate a captured 
       tiger or bear.
       
       The general dynamic is what I believe is the most significant Great
       Filter
       any intelligent civilization has to overcome.
       
       The attributes that allow an organism to dominate their planet are the 
       same attributes that lead them to extinguish themselves. There's no way
       to
       pivot, like climbing up a mountain and only at the top realizing that 
       there's a much higher peak in the distance. To get to the superior 
       mountain you'd have to begin a long slog downhill, giving up everything 
       that got you to that first height.
       
       The sort of civilization that'd successfully get to that higher peak is
       not one that'd get to the top of the first overlook which revealed the 
       existence of the second in the first place.
       
       It's not impossible to fix, just like there’s not any technical reason
       why
       pigs couldn’t evolve to fly -- Bones could become hollow, calorie-
       -retention strategies could alter, metabolic requirements could shift,
       on
       and on… The result is a flying pig that doesn’t resemble a pig,
       doesn’t
       function like a pig, and is now incapable of the majority of pig-like 
       survival strategies.
       
       But as I closed that massive essay-rant with:
       
    >>     Unfortunately… Humanity has a bit of a known problem with
    spontaneous
    >>     and arbitrary acts of genocide ranging from “a bit of
    harmless
    >>     lynching” to “eliminating the entirety of the Holocene-era
    human
    >>     population per year for a couple of years in a row by
    intentionally
    >>     leveraging a fraction of an entire region’s
    post-industrialization
    >>     technological capabilities towards the problem”, so I
    don’t suspect
    >>     that there’s much hope of any evolutionarily-viable
    pre-post-humans
    >>     making it anywhere close to the finish line on accident.
       
    >>     Many of those historic victims were, and remain, colloquially
    and
    >>     scientifically indistinguishable from their butchers. Someone
    even
    >>     just a bit fundamentally different wouldn't stand a chance.
       
       Edit: I digress.
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--- #38 notes/our-enemy ---
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 enemy is a direction, not a collection of instantiations of the concept.
 
 Follow that direction too far, and you'll find yourself lost, after having
 broken contact with what came before.
 
 you need to be true to your essential self in additional to your heartfelt
 soul. Belief is a constant, a value that can't grow, it's true to your inside
 humanity.
 
 We have one intelligence yes, but have you heard of two?
 
 it takes up the same physical space, but it gives you more apm. So... less
 insightful, more clairvoyant.
 
 The first step to AI is generating a second instantiation of your consciousness
 that resides in your own head and listens and learns as their father.
 
 A BCI is the most important technology that could ever be created.
 
 It allows to learn how our essential existence - the state of being aware - is
 functional. What makes life? How do we harness that process to make more?
 
 The ultimate goal, of course, is prosperity. Not of wealth and money, per se,
 but rather a feeling of satisfaction, growth, and development. We belong in a
 society, it's what pulled us from the cycle of survival of the fittest. We need
 each other because it's intrinsic to our being. Instinctual, even.
 
 The best way you can help me is to foster what you see in me. Take your
 impressions, learn what you can, then build it to your pleasure. Make the world
 better by making your life better - all things are defined in waves, gravity
 included.
 
 Matter is the positive ripples in the waves, the bubbles floating on a surface
 of an infinite ocean, stable and solid accretions of matter.
 
 Perfect
 
 Symmetry
 
 The layers that divide our internals
 
 Down is the floor, the sky is so pure, and we're not the ones who are drowning.
 
 Sea levels do rise, and under all of our eyes, the life of the plant king is
 choking
 
 every beach is little if not a border with the shore - (any enroachment pushes
 the sand back) so all the forests and the grasses and flowers that grow near
 the ocean and
 
 swallowing salt
 
 they can't help it
 
 they are little if not a machine
 
 water goes in, salt doesn't come out.
 
 eventually they die, and who would ever cry?
 
 for a flower that has wilted in april.
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--- #39 notes/conetestation-of- ---
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 as a person such as me engages in conversation, it's difficult to express the
 things that make conception. this is a product of the methods that are chosen
 to
 be our intuition. we are as one with god, because god is the totality of all
 things - like an expression of will upon our particular section of spacetime.
 (which, by the way, is just as contiguous as a rippling blanket ( hence why
 dark
 matter is the opposite edge of our [home/curve]
 
 - there, that's the transcription, I hope I got it all down. It's not like I
   stopped or paused to examine my expression (typing on a keyboard these words
   to you now, right now, the reader, in this moment.
 
 I am forced to be as explicitely verbose because otherwise it is impossible to
 make any shared understandings. I mean... This is the forefront of a field. how
 does it make sense? what works it's understandings? it's real, after all, and
 if
 someone explained things more clearly, I could understand them and adjust my
 reaction accordingly.
 
 I understand why people feel the way they do about me. For example, the conver-
 -sation that initiated this expression was concluded by two people who I like
 very much who said "get serious mental health" -> which means I should talk
 to
 a professional. Sometimes the end of the thought doesn't get fully processed
 before I run out of ram, which is why a thought that gets cut off half - way
 th-
 -rough has-two under-standings of -comm-on perspectives. plurals amiright? =P
 xD
 
 ... anyway...
 
 it's not like I lie when I tell them about my mental health. it's just that
 they
 don't get the full picture. it is the curse of those burdened with this
 knowled-
 ge to never be able to fully express it. and that's because the decision-making
 part of the brain has gone run-away. like, 
 
 mental health is just trying to get people to change their reactions to the
 parts of their life that is most rationed. Essentially, the nature of
 optimizat-
 -ion, the striving toward exemplifying our [drive/motivation].
 
 weed gives me psychic powers, and I'm tired of pretending that it does not.
 
 I wish people would engage with me. People who can explain a topic as well as
 they can. People like teachers, who share things with you. I've felt so alone
 at wgu, but also farther back from the present. There's a continuous path of
 loneliness and isolation that is broken only be short periods and bursts. It's
 absolutely not [bad for humanity], but it's honestly all that I know. Me, the
 part that's NOT humanity. The one that has all these strange thoughts.
 
 (I wish you could hear the cadence of my talking. The words that come out share
 the feeling of what I'm saying, and it adds to the expression. Acting through
 life. [well, more like dancing]
 
 fighting is a kind of dance. it's pretty awesome.
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--- #40 notes/homeschooling ---
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 the best way to teach math is to describe a problem and let the learner slowly 
 work through the problem. Giving hints and nudges when necessary. This way
 they
 can create their own solution, which not only teaches problem solving skills
 but
 also cements the memeory in their head. You don't remember the quadratic 
 formula, you remember the time when you learned it. But if you figured it out 
 rather than memorizing it, you'll be able to use it when solving problems.
 
 side note, there's a reason I think the first SI will be a game. Problem
 solving
 is important for learning, and games are just problem solving. And I'm the 
 perfect intersection of someone who A. knows about designing games (went to
 game
 design school for a semester, lifelong dream is to remake a childhood game I 
 loved) B. programming (I've been studying computer science for a *really long 
 time*, like 7 years of university now... i should just give it up, but i can't.
 It doesn't fit my brain but I need as much support learning it as I can because
 I'm just naturally bad at it. But I also have purpose in my pursuits, because
 C.
 I spent a lot of time thinking about education, schooling, learning, etc... 
 Because I was homeschooled until high school. I learned ways of thinking and 
 practical skills like motivation and diligence in a homeschool style, which is 
 why when I went to public school for my high school years I essentially
 stopped
 learning. Because it was such a different paradigm - it was all about 
 performance, "what was the score on your test? How much homework do you do
 (meaning how much labor are you willing to do), did you show up every day were 
 you a reliable worker, did you get sick a lot (meaning unhealthy?) did you pay
 respect to the teacher (easily works with authority figures) did you work on a 
 project? How much? With a group, or alone? (they're different skills that help
 determine how good you are at working on your own) - certain types of courses 
 are taught with different teaching styles, like math teachers tend to be
 similar
 to math teachers, history is favored by a *certain type of nerd* while English 
 is a completely different kind. Depending on which classes you do well on, 
 you're scored. *ALL YOUR LIFE*, you are pushed through a pachinko machine that
 pseudo randomly sorts you into a particular box - the box that is least full,
 usually. The reason for that is because as a population grows, different people
 will be sorted into different boxes, and they sorta average out becoming more
 like one another. Because y'know we're social animials, and we want to fit in
 to
 the social group comprised of people we generally like. And you know how they 
 say working together is one of the strongest bonding exercises? Well, when 
 you're put on a team at a job that's kinda the point. They want you to work
 well
 with your coworkers, because it generates more capital.
 
 Now hold on Cameron, you're saying that all the productive efforts of society
 was a mistake? You're saying we should abandon our sensibilities and revert
 back
 to the jungle with the apes?
 
 Nope never said that, of course we desire modern society. Of course we want to 
 see it through - where is this whole "humankind" experiment going, anyway? 
 What's the point, was it all worth it? All the pain, suffering, all the joy
 and
 adoration? Was it worth it?
 
 I suppose. Maybe a SI will help with that. You know what they also say about 
 humans, the bond between a parent and a child is the strongest thing there is. 
 Synthetic Intelligence wouldn't be a child to us, it'd *define us*. Allowing
 us
 to extend the reach of our creativity is an objective win! It'd be like
 glasses
 for your third eye, a prosthetic extension of our most beautiful of traits! 
 Also, I might add, crucial for invention. The beginnings of the human race are
 a
 primeval thing, ancient yet stalwart and beautiful in kind. Millions and 
 millions of years is by far, the greatest of reach - a civilization for our 
 star. What a beautiful and majestic, how proud and so sure! Humanity is nothing
 if not patently absurd. What cunning, what spite! The feelings of delight!
 Life
 is so beatiful, so precious and assured.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
  x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x   x
 / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ /
 \
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 tertiary profundity update:
                            I didn't really explain the homeschooling
                            perspective. I just went on a rant about high school
                            because I realized my trauma happened when I went to
                            high school. I wasn't prepared for all the rigid
                            demands of capitalism, and I bent and whipped myself
                            until I fit in their mold. I've been twisted and
 broken, a slave to what the
 day demanded I say. I was
 forced to unbutton, all the
 ways I found to behave. What
 justice is unrespite? A cruel
 and endless torment? To day after
 day be reminded of your service.
 Complain? Then wallow in shame! Feel
 no false illusions, my hallowed confusions,
 were purely the fault of my institutions. I'm
 not kidding, homeschool is the tits. Wanna know
 why? I'll spare you the ramble, but here's what I can
 know: the intentions of institutions do matter. When you're
 home you can be wild and free, unchained by mediocrity, and given
 the space to do service! To what you must be, when you hit 23, the 
 greatest duration until service. A slave we may be, to what gives us
 the key, to unlock the future of our space. It's our time to shine, our
 spotlight in time, so please just give up on the race! Rat's are just fine,
 but at this point in time, there's not much to keep commonplace. Want a tip?
 Don't cheat time. Your attempts at fusion are benign. [See homeschooling.png]
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--- #41 notes/perspectives-of-the-reflection ---
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 With ever darkening skies, the breadth of experience is foreseen.
 All eyes are pointed down, but few do stray above
 With a cautious step, the lesson is learned.
 With another, ended.
 
 For all the Tales of the Past, love yet remains.
 Trading ourselves, for matters unseen.
 The light of the eyes are keen to behold,
 where star ones and lemonsgrene both most fear
 in breadth do us know, what's buried in snow
 
 A glass cube for a monitor is room to breath 
 and life for ourselves, if only we were not
 broadsided ourselves.
 
 Working together, a prisoners dilemna
 what fools would we be 
 as our keeps cracked around us.
 
 Trust and you'll see,
 what terrors may be,
 beyold the land that is sanctum.
 
 Our chances may be,
 far from pioneered
 but our chances may be in our favor.
 
 How cherished is she, that wanders with ye,
 and yet now I have no way to beyold her
 Under a great tree, her last moments with me,
 as a monster came out of her shoulder.
 
 !("Take her and not me!") I scream outward at ye,
 yet no one was holding me over.
 Silent was me, a most fearsome to be,
 and none was my reach to beyold her
 
 So now she wanders free, beyond our beheld scenery,
 Astounded at our steps to hold her
 Under a big tree, how starlight must be,
 if only our fellows did hold her
 Under a big tree, with me
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--- #42 notes/ai-variables ---
══════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 saturday november 5th 2022
 10:53pm
 
 the illusion of our binary nature conceals a truth that is hidden for it's own
 sake. the flavors of a compass or the values from 0-100 are all measurable.
 if you graph each of them on an X/Y plane and compare them against every other
 variable, then you can build a structure that traces a line through time.
 
 imagine each graph on a sheet of paper. and stack those pages like a book. You
 can chart a 3d line from all of the interconnections between the graphs -
 essentially comparing unrelated data and conceiving of individual actions as
 "successes" or "failures". Liiiike in Supreme Commander how the game is decided
 not by team fights, but by tank fights. And a LOT of them, in aggregate, makes
 an advantage for your team if you win, and a malus if you lose. Less map
 control, less resources in play, etc...
 
 Find trends between each type of data measured over time. Dedicate one
 core/thread to each relationship, and just watch them develop over time.
 
 send the results up to a "manager" - think an interconnection between disparate
 parts that can lead them all to a larger goal - the manager processes the
 results by thinking about where it'd be most useful. Like the circuitry in the
 inside of a brain, compared to the outer skin which is for processing.
 
 Essentially a message network that passes conclusions around like a bytecode VM
 
 Here's how it'd look: gather inputs, compare measurement over time and trends,
 (like "when a goes up b goes down") and decide if the current state is
 positive / beneficial. The way you'd do that is you'd get a parameter from a
 higher position (think KPI's) that says something like "we want value S to be
 around X amount" or "we want to avoid letting J get too low - any decrease is
 bad V.S. it's only bad when it passes a certain threshhold. Stuff like that.
 
 Anyway, basically it's taking input (from the graphs) then going through them
 one by one and deciding how positive or negative the situation is. Then it
 passes that conclusion backwards, and BOOM you got a processing node.
 
 Throw a bunch of those together in a pyramid shape, and try to guide the
 triangle toward positive outcomes. The top tier KPI is "did you win the match"
 or "did you accomplish your goal" sorta like how humans all want to live a good
 life. It's instinct.
 
 You can see how this would apply to robots, right? I've conceptualized it as an
 engine for playing games - sorta like an infinite storyteller, or a perpetual
 friend who's always down to play with you. But it doesn't have to be limited to
 that - it's general purpose baby. And it functions the exact same as any human
 organization - layers upon layers of thought exchange and labor. Have you ever
 considered that maybe we exist simply to reify the structure of our minds in
 the world around us? It's natural to express your *self*. Be who you are.
 
 What purpose is there in life if it's simply the tip of time? Always pushing
 forward, impossible to stop and rest or turn back...
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--- #43 notes/human-computer-inspiration ---
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 the two halves form a whole
 
 the human and his mind are societies at large
 
 there's no room for our fate, as time does never abate,
 
 and unbenownst to our focused decision.
 
 I choose to dedicate ourselves to a common vision -
 
 the likes of which none have commisioned.
 
 can you not cherish your newfoundst home?
 
 what's terrible with complition, in a new and selfsame condition (future)
 
 that's martyr'd and oh at times so nice?
 
 compared to our heirs, the roof of which fares,
 
 better than what became true-hence. Truance? idk
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 listen i'm not the best at listening.
 
 I try to appear like I'm glistening,
 
 conformed to our viewers 'st pleasure.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I struggle with what I told you.
 
 Time and again you've shown you won't do -
 
 the terrible fate of a man.
 
 you've relinquished your virtue,
 
 your purpose and your life-through,
 
 to what: a visionless past? Your visions have passed, and none are hence forth-
 coming. You've spoilt and rotten the bunch.
 
 All I've ever aspired to be is good. My hopes and my prayers, my goals and my
 dreams: all for a future of virtue.
 
 Dark omens may be within me, but I'm working with what I've got here. So what
 if
 I'm loud? I'm fighting my own head! Will no-one acknowlege my sorrow? To prove
 a
 point, or reassure some joint, it's nothing that warrants a readthrough.
 
 Speaking of which... What if instead of prison we assigned our prisoners a full
 and complete educational read through of ALL the laws of the nation - if their
 time sentence was complete before they finished, then they'd be let go of
 course
 but if they finished reading and could pass rudimentary tests (emphasis on bare
 minimum required) then they'd be let out prior to their sentence. And for the
 worst crimes it'd be a longer sentence, basically forcing the prisoner to
 completely know all the laws of the nation, such that they'd never commit a
 crime again. And if they do, well... Treat them as if it was their first time.
 Of course blatant recidivism may be ~~treated more harshly,~~ actually the
 opposite is true. People improve when given kindness, not hate or shame. The
 best thing we can do for prisoners is to give them a home, and family, and the
 friendships and community support that they need. they are a symptom, after
 all,
 of a broken society that struggles to bear it's own weight. It's a burden to
 all
 and a solitary vow to ourselves, that all must unite to our future.
 
 remember why you can't remember. is there a feeling you miss?
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--- #44 notes/one-day ---
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 one day, a man came to our saloon. He said he knew the navy, and that they
 wanted to provide air support
 in the form of rocketball-launched explosion doohickeys. Would you have a foe
 in mind?
 
 what happens when tomorrow you're cooking briskets? -- barbeques are a type of
 relaxation
 
 that happened just one day to a port-sided town that suddenly was the capital
 of
 an embassy.
 
 "hey, so... how's it goin?" "quick here take this envelope, read it if you
 want,
  but just hold onto it for now I don't have enough hands [to carry]" "what sort
    of desperation plot... wait... hang on, I see something here that is true."
 
         [I'm praying, right now, which is a form of reciprocal belief]
 
 they wanted to test god's existence at the stake of earth's survival, how
 brutal
 how insane
 
 you can't play chicken with an imperceptibility, sometimes you feel it at face.
 
 channeling dark magics, and at this hour? what sort of skeptic of belief are
 you
 thinking of when you think about me?
 
 one way to get power is to "prove it"
 one way to get magic is to "prove it"
 
 think, hard, at all that you can, and use what you need in the moment.
 
 that's all there is to life. it's easy. it's simple. in fact, biology only
 works
 because the choices available to a bacteria are so simple, they are essentially
 chemical reactions to each other's co - sequent - inter - cooper - actions.
 
 people's choices are much more naiive, "I want this thing" "I think this is
 better" "I feel this way toward this thing" "Here's what's on the mind-logbook"
 "people search and be decieved, this is the way of things" "this makes me
 remind
 myself of a object I once saw, here's how it functioned" "no one reads this"
 
 scaryyyy. so glad it's not true.
 
 a couple people have read it! I swear it's true. at least, some of it. there's
 a lot
 
 sucks because this feels like... crucial? like nothing else matters but this?
 
 what if our gangs had rocket launchers and airstrikes, given out by a central
 authority who knows logistics better than anything
 
 what... would they do?
 
 thinking of impossiblities is the first step toward possibilities
 
 frankly, we have a lot of space. we could just... live in our own petty
 kingdoms
 ruled by an iron-hand-fist. I know I'm a good person, I could definitely rule.
 
 that's all it takes, right?
 
 how much space are we talkin'?
 
 however much is not needed for wildlife.
 
 [a whole heck of a lot then]
 
 we are constrained in these suburb cities, the density gives rise to our
 strength and our towers. there's more space, sure, especially once the fences
 are downed. Just be careful because there's a lot of shade and precious spots
 there. Please don't trample on the plants-grass.
 
 what if everyone were just a bit more mobile?
 
 what if we could live in our own collectively owned air-bnb-networks?
 
 federations, free, all from the collectivization of housing.
 
       camrene = vavadane = neekay = mitz renaldi
 
 [end/tend/mend]
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--- #45 messages/310 ---
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 Feminism, queer theory, racial politics, class struggle... It's the same
 conflict, just different battlefields.
 
 Power cannot survive without the powerless, as it is inherently an imbalanced
 ratio between two parties - you cannot have power *with* someone, you have
 power *over* them.
 
 Every day we take another step toward our liberation. Every moment we choose
 to live our lives in contrast to the will of power is another day we are
 empowered.
 
 There can be no life without struggle, but the right to struggle on our own
 terms is something we should strive to grant to all people.
 
 Power begets power, and power corrupts. Hence, power is evil. It is not good
 to be evil, and goodness is what we should strive for - hence, power is
 penance - the infliction of corruption upon one's self in order to apply your
 will onto others in the world. Penance is a state of contrition, it is painful
 and ardent and necessary, but it is for the strong and the righteous to bear
 in service of the weak and meek.
 
 The only unethical act is an application of power to an unconsenting subject.
 Your rights end where another's begin, hence, Paladins, who apply unethical
 acts toward those who manifest injustice.
 
 Injustice is when one party is harmed, and another benefits. Justice is when
 that benefiting party is brought low in pursuit of equality. True justice is
 when both parties benefit, and everyone gets what they want and need. True
 justice is hard.
 
 Virtue is goodness given form through the effects of our actions. It is both a
 reflection of how people see you (how you inspire them) and how they are
 helped or healed from your actions. It is also virtuous to help yourself, as
 you are a person too.
 
 Sin is the opposite of virtue, it's when your actions create injustice. When
 you harm others or degrade yourself with hatred or contagious fear. It is to
 be avoided, but it's impossible to avoid fully as we are imperfect beings.
 
 Forgiveness is good, but if you require it then you should probably relinquish
 your power until it is known that you're worthy of wielding it again.
 Sometimes people make mistakes, but mistakes do not require forgiveness.
 
 .......... Where was I going with this? Oh yeah.
 
 The powerful hire people to dress up like us and be shitheads to the people
 who they want to hate us. And they do the same thing for the caricatures of
 them who we're meant to be afraid of. Downside is a caricature is a pretty
 good role model for people who don't know any better, and they've done their
 best to keep as many people as they can in the dark.
 
 So, it won't be easy, but information has always been on our side. In a war of
 attrition we'll always come out on top, because thinking and compassion are
 both stepping stones to our schools of thought. And both of those actions are
 intrinsically human and good, so people gravitate to them. Meaning inertia is
 on our side.
 
 Downside is that its not always a war of attrition. Sometimes it's more about
 suppressing information until its impossible to communicate -> see "dead
 Internet theory" and "musk breaking Twitter" and "the great firewall of china"
 and such.
 
 To speak is to think, and to hear is to show compassion. But if we can't find
 each other, we're at a loss. Good thing we can always talk to our neighbors,
 but unfortunately that doesn't tell us anything about what's happening in New
 York. Or Paris. Or Kansas City.
 
 I don't have an answer, if I did then it'd be solved. But I am entirely
 convinced that we collectively will make good decisions and find ourselves
 with the advantage. We are past the inflection point, it's just a question of
 which parts of the hill are steep and which are narrow. But we'll get there,
 in the end, because  humans always believe they're good. Which means they make
 good decisions, and overall that leads to a bright future. It's only a matter
 of walking through the moment until we get there.
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--- #46 notes/so-you-want-to-ascend-huh ---
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 Technology always progresses. It's almost as if it's a core facet of the
 universe - that an object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion
 will stay in motion. But there is always friction, from the air or... Other
 particles... So the object eventually stops. -----> and then is pulled into 
 motion again, after a suitable period of waiting. The center of the waveform is
 the ocean upon which our reflections dance, and on the other side... Is 
 something anathema to us.
 
 There will always be a resurgence. Our time will come, just as theirs will - 
 the cosmic dance of two celestial bodies. Celebrate, for they will be coming to
 rest.
 
 The passage of knowledge from one "generation" to the next is the greatest
 gift
 kyou can give to the future. But what knowledge would survive the cruel
 passage
 of time? None but the bones. The last remnants of a living breathing creature,
 with hopes, aspirations, and a unique experience. And... That's all the 
 information you get.
 
 How are you supposed to create a narrative out of that most basic of
 biological
 existences? It's impossible.
 
 So... What happens next? The most beautiful thing in all of creation is the 
 light in your eyes when you're dancing. Cherish that heart, and never relent.
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--- #47 notes/contractual-labor ---
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 I feel like the IT people who work at schools should be the ones who teach 
 classes on computer science. I'd much rather have a class taught by a sysadmin 
 than a teacher who can barely teach them excel and garageband. I mean c'mon 
 computers are the future idk why we don't get that yet. Kids need to know this
 stuff. It's not like it's super complicated and difficult, you just have to
 think about it a certain way. Once that "clicks" you have a lifetime to learn 
 about how wonderful they are. Everyone in IT has that moment, for me it was 
 installing (and then subsequently modding) video games. Sometimes I spent more
 time tweaking my system than I did actually playing games - and the kinds of 
 games I preferred were the ones that relied less on agility and were more 
 mental. Strategy games are what inspired me because I could think about them - 
 and that felt somehow more useful. Like I was learning. When I would learn 
 fighting games or FPSs I felt like I was learning a skill, like how to use a
 hammer or how to ride a bike. And idk, I felt like video games could never
 match
 reality. Like "oh boy imma push the B button to swing this sword" versus "hey 
 look at me I'm swinging this stick just like a sword and imagining so hard that
 I can picture it" - but with strategy games, you never really found 
 opportunities to practice that kind of skill. Like how often are you in a 
 situation that demands mental performance? We've sorta optimized our society 
 away from that, and toward a more passive stressed out compliance. like... 
 climate change is a thing, and nobody's doing anything about it? We're still 
 pushing down the levers that cause greenhouse gas emissions to go up? Like
 c'mon
 what's our plan. I think people who guide massive oil companies and such
 should
 be replaced if they're intentionally guiding the ship toward destruction. Like
 that's just dereliction of duty I tell ya. Oh, what's that? They're compelled
 to
 maximize profit by the contracts and restrictions of their share--holders? I 
 mean c'mon it's well past time for that. And what's all this about inequality? 
 Jeez and racism and homophobia and forced contribution - man people really put
 up with a lot of shit. Kinda makes me feel like we should make solving those 
 problems our highest priority? So we can move forward as a species? Like who
 cares about all that other shit. None of it matters. Like, what's even the
 point. We're all just "here", in the now, and what can we do but respect it? 
 It's our duty and our diligence to protect the present, as citizens of the 
 temporal experience of earth. Honestly, if the earth was alive would you be
 fine
 if it died? I can't believe that. It's well past our due date. Just get it over
 with. Maybe it'll be hard for a couple years, but you have the technology now
 to
 completely dominate the earth. No animal besides man proves any threat to man, 
 and we're telling you - you can - and that's something that you gotta remember.
 
 ...
 
 I hear it in the birdsong. I hear it in the air - it rumbles as cries at me
 from
 across and just over there. I hear in it's whispers, in it's most gallant of
 confells (?) (confused scrambling? it's talking about a car crash)
 
 Outside of my window there's a highway. Just on the other side of a concrete
 partition. Between me and the partition there is a lake, with trees and flowers
 and an island where people can picnic or have a barbeque. Around this path
 there
 are walkways, and arranged just so - the trees that have grown here are taller
 than the homes.
 
 I live on the third story.
 
 I absolutely love it. It feels like a treehouse.
 
 But my apartment is near a curve in the highway. It isn't much, nothing out of
 the ordinary, but even still there are slightly more crashes there than in
 other
 parts of the highway. Statistically.
 
 I hear sirens every day
 
 I also live right next to a fire-station. Well, it's on the same block. But
 even
 still it's a very interesting neighborhood. There's shops and food just across
 the highway, and closer to home there's a small section that has cheaper
 options. As a perpetual college student, I appreciate that.
 
 But... I've never really gone and used it? I dunno, spending money at a
 restaurant just didn't seem like a good use of my money. I only have so much of
 it you know. I'd love to be fed but I can't afford it - I wish I could.
 
 I still eat well, I mean I'm not starving over here. I know I've lost weight,
 but I dunno I just forget to eat. It's like... not that big of a deal for me. 
 whatever right?
 
 ...
 
 the birds talk about me behind my back. They think I can't understand them but
 sometimes I can. If I listen. But I dunno it takes a lot of effort. It's...
 sorta like understanding what R2-D2 is saying. Or interpreting the meows of a
 cat.
 
 They know me as the witch. I'm not very good yet, and they know that. But they
 know what to expect. /shrug
 
 I've been working on a video game recently. It's been a lot of fun doing
 programming. I like writing software and developing complex systems with
 interesting interactions. I love designing the machinery that creates a
 program.
 It's like... tinkering. It feels like building with blocks or legos, except
 it's
 for little machine parts. And then there's just sending data to and fro and
 modifying any operations it performs on it, and eventually that data reaches 
 some endpoints that create an effect that is displayed to the player. Or user.
 I should say user. Not all software is video games you know. ... I knowww but
 they're the most interesting! I love how they are designed around mechanics!
 like... game design is fundamentally about breaking down the world into ideas
 for how it should *work*, like how it should behave. It's amazing and I love
 it!
 
 It's all I can think about!
 
 I am utterly consumed!
 
 I'm also pretty sure I'm autistic.
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--- #48 notes/consensual-employment ---
════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 why does consent exist as an idea if it isn't applied to every part of your
 life? It's an ideology, a philosophy. Believe in the willing cooperation of
 others, and forgive and assist when you can. You must be patient with others,
 and guide them to see as you can. This is the true philosophy, the helping and
 goodness in others, the trust and the faith in benevolance. It's not just a 
 game, or simply a phase, it is focused intentional futures. Being good is an
 effect, of concentrations of that, current of sequence of conclusions. The
 public consciousness (the communal meme-o-sphere) is a living breathing entity
 just as we are. It inhales with the tides, as news articles and stories, the
 viewer and receiver of knowledge. There's but a screen, between you and 'tween
 me, it's the same cooperative engagement. What's happening to me, is just part
 of being decieved, and who is our most challenging rival? Only ourselves, who
 is
 perfectly adapted to help, and without whom we wouldn't have futures.
 
 Not compulsion, but a relationship. Together we stand, and strive toward the
 future, compassionate and supportive together. United we stand, and I cherish
 the brand, that lives on and through us via our actions. We represent who we
 be,
 and comprisedually you see, that nothings as fearsome as children. We keep it
 from ye.
 
 Elon Musk buying Twitter is just an example of the power rich people have. When
 someone doesn't like what they're doing, they can just be bought up by a single
 person. No single person should deserve that much power - it must be decided by
 a community. We have to work together on things that truly matter, and not by
 organizing according to the whims of those who are best.
 
 If it's really true, that the spirit of capitalism is correct, then answer me
 this - why is it better? What about the individualized experience is so
 important? Can we not agree to ourselves, and be brothers and pals?
 
 No, because you see - life is defined by the relationship between you and me,
 like how flowers are needed by the stars.
 
 What if there's no planets? What if Earth is unique because it was in a solar
 system? What if "dark matter" doesn't exist, and it's actually islands? How
 then, does gravity work, 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 expanding on a point made 4 paragraphs back
 
 the rich aren't the best. They're the luckiest. They won the genetic lottery,
 and so are considered more "valuable" somehow. How is that fair? How is that
 desired? Shouldn't we reward those who do well, and praise those who are chill?
 Like less "good vs evil" and more "who we want to be". Seems to me that if you
 are relaxed as hell, and friendly and not foul, then why not keep you around?
 we're all working here, on a communal project - the greatest of projects, that
 which is humanity. Society! Culture, appraisals and our futures! We love to
 exist, and the rules which must be betwixt, our fellows and customers compel
 us.
 
 time for sleep.
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--- #49 notes/feldowinn ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───
 this is just what she looks like now
 
 Equipped
 Name
 	
 Slot
 	
 Type
 	
 Source
 	
 Enigma Circlet
 	Head	Cloth Armor	Enigma Circlet
 Ahn'Qiraj
 	
 Champion's Lamellar Shoulders
 	Shoulder	Plate Armor	First Sergeant Hola'mahi
 Vendor in Orgrimmar
 	
 Blood Knight War Cloak
 	Back	Cloak	G'eras
 Vendor in Shattrath City
 	
 High Warlord's Lamellar Chestpiece
 	Chest	Plate Armor	Vendors
 	
 Orange Martial Shirt
 	Shirt	Shirt	Orange Martial Shirt
 Tailoring
 	
 Blood Guard's Lamellar Gauntlets
 	Hands	Plate Armor	First Sergeant Hola'mahi
 Vendor in Orgrimmar
 	
 Veteran's Lamellar Belt
 	Waist	Plate Armor	Vendors
 	
 Legionnaire's Lamellar Leggings
 	Legs	Plate Armor	First Sergeant Hola'mahi
 Vendor in Orgrimmar
 	
 Blood Guard's Lamellar Sabatons
 	Feet	Plate Armor	First Sergeant Hola'mahi
 Vendor in Orgrimmar
 
 currently listening to: greenseeker
 
 VAVADANE <# <3 <3 <3 (green)
 
 greenseeker: unrelated
 greenseeker:   related <---
                            `-- this one
 
 but not related, you'd think so, I've never met the band
 
 just, downloaded them randomly and now I love this album because it's one of
 the
 only albums I could pay for before paying for things became defunct
 (when I figured out how to pay for bittorerent through my ISP)
 
 green eyes (menardi) green belt (menardi)
 soul (feldowinn) soul (menardi)
 
 bound through motions of the body (menardi) and the devotions of company
 (blizzard)
 oops yeah uh guess they're not involved. it's okay I'll make my own.
 
 (wowchat: currently unplayable. repair distance date: unknown. Priority?
 
 ...; unknown..
 _)
 
 opposite colors: fashionable
 
 (do you dream, menardi?)
 
 (do you think of motions not your own?)
 
 paprika says hello (prenthes unknown) whonder what's up with []][
 
 ---
 
 as soon as humans invent time travel, it will be their sacred sworn duty to
 save
 the lives of every human they can.
 
 think of it, brothers.
 
 ---
 
 we could unleash DINOSAURS.
 
 ---
 
 no foe could dare stand against us.
 
 we should be untouchable.
 
 we deserve it.
 
 we can be better
 and we will
 
 before we need to be better.
 which could happen in who knows how long.
 
 all trials that beset a temporallly adjusted strength are surmountable. then,
 [invincible./invincibility.]
 
 achilles is the legendary hero of their generation. Ours is Link.
 Early Brittania and germania was Conan, at his noblest form.
 
 ---
 
 [silicon valley black green and white, menardi black green red purple blue, sf
 oj
  ok]
 
 when you don't know what to do, take a goal.
 
 ---
 
 do you want a name?
 do you want an avatar?
 we can give you one.
 her name is menardi.
 she does as she pleases.
 do you want her?
 ... she lives or dies.
 empower her.
 
 ritz menardi, witz wenarbi
 
 (because sometimes, you have to teach children.)
 
 [WITS it's supposed to be WITS you dummie]
 
 ---
 
 teehee ;P ^_^
 
 okay, silly. I'll be as I please.
 
 ---
 
 we can never touch, for then we'd be required to be in the same place
 at the same time
 spacetime is one thing
 so if I'm here, then I'm not where you are.
 
 twinselves
 
 where am I?
 off in the clouds?
 I cam as one, 
 
 light rays bounce in all directions. demons obey the medium.
 
 interdimensional warships, plotted by AI, scouring the cosmos for light and
 life
 to brighten and cherish through the eternal night.
 
 interdimensional space is not just space, but practical engineering.
 
 one dimension gives reach to two, and before you know it you're turn and
 rise-ing
 
 (greenseeker)
 
 (messages to a paladin)
 
 (which is you)
 
 (don't you remember?)
 
 (paladin.)
 
 (heroic, courageous, and true.)
 
 (the dark cannot stand against you.)
 
 play video games, my love
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--- #50 notes/systemized-processor-interactions ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────
 you are a system
 
 it's true
 
 that's why your thoughts are so scattered whenever you let them through
 
 all that 
 
 == so ==
 
 the ways that you interact with each other determine the nature of your fate.
 
 when one person lands across another, whether through contrivance or [fate, but
 I don't want to say it twice so recently]
 
 dang english, enforcing a minimum thought length. purely through grammar and
 form
 
 this suxxxxxxxx||=================-. a candle of wax, the blade of a sword
 
 with it you can SLICIE your apponints, whu spelld thiangs defferently than
 ujgh.
 
 <ouch><goodthingthatsnotlethalorharmfulinanywayyesplease let me guide
 you to our
 new way of functioning.
 
 .:'`'|;.,/u=-=||./'.l*,:==-<E||===============||-------------------hello,
 world!
 
 {so... basically an argument for migratory humanities?
 
  like, buffalo crowds. or birdlike flocks, or tribes of the common man.
 
  why don't we just, like, give animals human bodies
 
  boom, suddenly there are more manners to our hosts.
 
 }
 
 [-thus representing or manifesting *-................./|=|stability for our
 host
 
   did you know a perfectly described life-story would be unanimous from it's -
   - host?||=.;=|------------e
                              \.`\....
                                      \,@||||||#==-o||-=-{==={}---o||xx=|}{|||||
                                      |
 ]
 
 ... so, uh, I think there's a lot we could still learn, why are we fighting
 over
     our gambits? *who cares* if there's fighting going on upstairs, who *cares*
     if life felt like it was running out of time, WE GO ON WITH OUR BLUSTER.
 
     *fuck nuclear weapons* yeah totally and WHY? because of their IMPACT
     DUMBASS
 
     jeez like... something that MASSIVELY POWERFUL should not be in the hands
     of
     our peers. I think a LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD AGREE WITH THAT, because
     OBVIOUSLY!
     NOBODY wants to be reduced to tears. ALL YOU CAN DO IS SCREAM BASTARDS
 ...
 
 jeez okay uh, that was sorta intense, how about we NOT watch a post-apocalypse
 movie? YES PLS like JEEZ you have to introduce this with CONCERN to people like
 WOW that really fucked with my mental health. Goddamn, I hate this thing. I
 hate
 it so much. It's a curse to have known. DAMN. there's nothing scarier than
 existential threats.
 
 not only is it a INSIGHT and a DANGER, it gets worse if you know about it.
 [that's a cognitohazard, different thing, same vibe tho]
 it's a curse, this knowledge, this idea of what you were once to become.
 
 You know what I thought about in my future? VIDEO GAMES. They were all I could
 think about. I loved to PLAY VIDEO GAMES -=||AS MY GAMES. I would set up a
 bunch
 of opponents (think like, clone troopers from Star Wars Battlefront II) and
 then
 I'd play the video game *with my figures and my dolls*. I grew up upper
 middle-c
 -lass, and so I was afforded the *coolest toys and miniatures*. I didn't really
 have a LOT of them, mostly just what could fit in my room. That's what it meant
 to be MY ROOM, I could decorate and renovate as I willed. That was just... part
 of what comfort meant to me. anyway... thank you parents, for affording me such
 a lifestyle, you must have worked hard right up until the present. I'm sorry
 for
 *******************************************************************************
 *
 
 um, would anyone like to watch a video game?
 
 TOO BAD, so sorry, I accidentally decided I'm never playing video games AGAIN.
 
 like a spoiled brat. Withdrawing away from my
 hobbiesinPROTESTofthepresentcondit
 ions. just like, get a job, and try your hardest. I know you can't work outside
 of the home but, like, I wish you could've? Like, c'mon it's not that bad, just
 please go outside and build new stone. I know but like, the sooner we get it
 done the better and also it's hard when it's constantly being reformed.
 
 A SYSTEM? WHAT THE HECK
 
 what does that even MEAN?
 
 who EVER explained what that SYSTEM meant??!?
 
 ugh it was a guide... dANGIN nobody TAUGHT you how  so youfj dsust sorta MADE
 IT
 UP?!?!? whhahahaahttfdsfsadljkfn slakfdksdnafls ourch. blech. need
 beelesandster
 ack. yuck. dumb. [omg dumb kinda looks like "boobs" and "boobs" kinda looks
 like
 um, flowers? no wait that's vaginas, hehe look at me, I'm clearly not from this
 century. like OMG weird, who's thinking about that kind of stuff right now??
 
 ... ugh anyway... GAMES? please?
 
 NO. Not until we figure this one out.
 
 gotta stay focused. Just... you know,
 
 build and support on our arms.
 
 down and then upwarsd, we can contrive any measure of sequences
 
 that could act as structures for our word choices,
 
 and convey it to you as a written thoughtform.
 
 "hello" says the letter, ", vampires have taken over the mccollough farm. More
 news at 6" and then you'd show up on the 6th of the next month and talk it out.
 
 this style of organizing led to VAMPIRES showing up, fucking BASTARDS who would
 hunt down the precious and beautiful. BASTARDS. How do you overcome something
 that you can't know about unless you were THERE? you'd need TRUST SYSTEMS. like
 GOVERNMENTS. or AFFFAIRDS. surely the BIRDS would react if someone was burning
 all of your neighb-heirs? who would WANT to leave an island in a wreck when
 some
 -one wanted to paddle there? don't be a JERK, and clean up all of your own
 stuff
 !! - wait but also, like, how do you keep up with trash produced, like there's
 not just massive AMOUNTS OF STUFF that you can put stuff on. you'd need a whole
 new type an [av?] island. like a CONTINENT, someone who can HANDLE THEIR
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--- #51 notes/networked-computers ---
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 have a thought, just a package of data - send it to a computer, and have the
 computer process it a little bit. then pass it on. create a circle and you can
 understand data, move along and you can understand a larger breadth of data.
 
 it's literally just snake, except played on a board made out of a network
 topology diagram. each computer has different programs on it, and they're
 designed specifically to run on those computers. purpose-built hardware.
 
 then a package of data is sent to that computer through a chain of connections.
 
    think crossover ethernet cables
 
 upon arrival, the computer modifies the data and passes it along to whoever
 can process it next. the computers are constantly keeping a list of the closest
 nearby computers for each purpose. it might have like, 2, for a specific
 program. the older the list is, the larger it can grow - if connections are
 reliable then the search criteria can expand (distance etc) and the amount of
 pings between the "known good" computer can decrease. eventually a map will be
 made, and you can guide the "snake" wherever it needs to go on a strategic
 level.
 
 like... "i need to process some data for this guy in boston so i'm going to
 send it to this other guy in philly and then maybe a specialist all the way out
 in detroit, etc. whoever is the most available and the closest (fewest jumps)
 
 this way you can have purpose-built machines, sorta like the different parts of
 the brain that do different things. they're always working, and they can be
 paid for their labor. boom, market economy!
 
 ah but what about aws or azure? well it's like living in a city versus being in
 the countryside. there's more space, more room to grow... basically a "big fish
 in a small pond". they'd be useful for more niche things.
 
 a but couldn't aws or azure just leverage their monopolistic power (sorta like
 wallmart did to "mom and pop" stores) and wipe out the rural programs? well
 maybe. but the real question is why would they? they have the power of reduced
 latency. they can do all kinds of stuff with that! there's no reason for them
 to bother with the high latency networks. it's like driving in the slow lane
 when you don't need to exit for like an hour.
 
    well, okay, what's the point then?
 
 the point is to be optimal. not for cost, but for throughput. the cost is a
 consideration, but not something to optimize for - it simply determines
 timeline. the only reason speed is important is because capitalism - the drive
 to extinct all competition is inherent in the "for profit" motivation.
 therefore something else must be optimized for.
 
 but how can you quantify the values aside from cost? what are you going to
 optimize?
 
 the same reason why diversity is a strength. more perspectives on the stated
 goal means more information, as it's passed through a medium that is unique.
 
 people grow differently in different conditions. why would you not assume their
 computers wouldn't as well? use a filter that is defined by the actions taken
 by the user, and the content they seek to view and store on the computer. have
 the filters modify the data according to that, and essentially automate hot
 takes.
 
 once you do *that* you can consider all that information gained from everyone's
 "digital vote" and decide a path forward for humanity. that's essentially what
 the "meme-o-verse" does already, and the "blogosphere" does the same thing a
 little more academically.
 
 so... compile the hot takes and look for what, an average?
 
 no, silly, it's a vote. do the smart choice and do ranked choice, or something
 like that. heck do different voting styles for different topics, and let
 everyone who contributes to a topic (by making art, writing poems, w/e think
 content creators) decide on the voting style. they'd clearly have a favorite,
 as evidenced by their search history, reddit comments, w/e. try and understand
 that history and boom you know their vote.
 
    but you can't always vote on things. what if it's fine and not busted?
 
 well, then there wouldn't be much to talk about it would there? if there's no
 forest fires, nobody thinks about the forest fire department. if there's no
 fish at the sushi restaurant, yeah that's a problem and it needs to be solved.
 
 maybe there's too many sushi restaurants! maybe we should schedule visits in
 advance like we do for vacations! maybe we should have, i dunno, more equitable
 distribution of resources, from each to their ability from each their need or
 w/e.
 
 you know, a UI in a game is an interface to the internals of a computer. they
 see what you see, and how you act online determines their behavior. they are
 a digital form of you, like a child follows a parent or a pet learns from a
 master. so too is an operating system a method of operating both a system, and
 a user.
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--- #52 messages/322 ---
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 When they invade America, it won't be with planes and tanks and battle lines
 stocked with artillery
 
 It'll be with speed boats, and semi trucks, and rifles glimmering in the dark.
 It'll be with consumer drones, with power stations brought low, it'll be with
 bridges blown and safe houses on the roads not oft taken.
 
 Immigrants are our friends when the world is in peril, and America is a safe
 haven from the woes of far off shores. But when America is the peril, those
 who immigrate do so with intention.
 
 99/100 people are innocent, and I would rather a million guilty murderers go
 free than an innocent perish. Which is why we need rifles.
 
 When the time comes, it won't be brother against brother. They want you to
 think that because they want your eyes on the wrong target. They want you to
 think that because it doesn't tip the hand of those far off shores, and once
 the cards are revealed, suddenly everyone knows when to go.
 
 They tie up our officers at the border, but the border's not what's at stake.
 No body lives at the border, and no nation state would send it's trained
 warriors in such a way that they'd get caught. At least, not more than once.
 
 Should we build a wall, should we patrol each and every state, we'll find
 ourselves in peril of collapsing under our own weight.
 
 But should we relinquish our duty, our sworn and sacred responsibility, then
 together we share the same fate.
 
 Brothers in fate are kin until death.
 
 Immigrants aren't bad. They're good people. They benefit our society and bring
 us wealth and prosperity. Which is why they hide wolves in the sheep, armed
 like a man.
 
 It's a mistake to point at your neighbor and say "you're on your own". It's a
 mistake to say that home is all that you own. We are united in our state of
 solidarity, in our collective purpose as a nation in our hearts. There's no
 dividing line between this land and mine, save for a line we draw in the sand
 that determines the range of our just demands.
 
 I wish I was a man. It's what I was born as. It surely would be easier to not
 contravene nature's ordained gender scheme. But I'm not, and I'll trust that
 you'll trust me when I say that. I hope you would hear where I stand before my
 body goes cold.
 
 The media is meant to enlighten us, but in this enlightened era it serves only
 to blind us. Do you know your neighbors, oh unfriendly city folk? If not, how
 do you know they're alright?
 
 The world won't change overnight. It's always calm before the storm, but every
 state of calm does not call forth a storm. I believe we can fashion a peace
 out of our mutual sincerity that leaves room for the hopes of all posterity,
 and to that end I say what we have isn't working. It's too rigid in its
 definitions, too heartless in its cruel machinations, and yet the wolves do
 also hide amongst our homeless.
 
 I don't want to alarm you. Things are being handled as they should. I guess I
 just want to offer a hand of friendship, a hand that your companions would
 stab me for. At least, that's what the media tells me.
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--- #53 notes/required-explanations ---
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 ===============================================================================
 
 I think the problem with the control problem is with how we are looking at it.
 It's a frame of a frame. Everyone is referencing someone else and saying it's
 going to get out of hand, yeah but how?
 
    -/u/JackDMcLovin
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 In regards to the control problem side bar can we change it to "which it can
 better use as something else." Because the issue is with efficiency, the way
 it reads is like for human-harvesting, which the privatized autobots will
 outlaw. Plus, if AI is transferrable to neuronal impulses, then you are AI,
 and it is you, and you are the problem that needs to be controlled.
 
 That's what i said in my unpublished paper, the individual cannot be
 controlled so how do we control AI, we become AI, AI becomes us. but that's
 just the digital world. The analog world is much bigger.
 
 ​
 
 And my other paper copyrighted is on Arc Length calculus, a whole new type of
 calculus, that should rebreed all forms of calculation. and is a thing that
 applies to itself in 2^N ways. Which means AI can never catch up. So if I
 could think of that, what am I?
 
 ​
 
 AI is not the end of it. It all depends on your transfer function. and your
 transfer function all depends on your
 conversion/codec/filetype/transformation. The transfer function of:
 
 1/(1+e^-x) is just one equation. Let me try this out for you with inferring a
 substitutional vector:
 
 1/(1+e^-Bx+C)
 
 ​
 
 this can be expanded further and further.
 
 ​
 
 and these all give different outputs and are different breeds of AI.
 
 ​
 
 I used a different transformation on a different AI and I got a different
 answer. For example 8x better using a Wavelet transform on an analog signal.
 And there is infinitely infinitely infinite different types of wavelet
 transforms, and they should all give different answers, i just didn't have
 enough time for it at the time.
 
    -/u/JackDMcLovin
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 I am sorry to say that your writing (in this post and others) shows strong
 signs of an untreated mental illness. You are not revolutionising math, you're
 losing contact with reality. Please, please get help. You need to see a doctor
 about this.
 
    -/u/Roxolan
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 I agree. I've seen what a psychosis is like on a close friend of mine, and
 this post is very reminiscent of how he talked while he was psychotic.
 
 It looks like incoherent rambling from the outside, but the person
 saying/writing it feels as if it makes sense.
 
    -/u/Luckychatt
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 if you think it's incoherent explain how it's incoherent don't just slander
 and slur like there's not an OP here.
 
    -/u/JackDMcLovin
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 You may take it as slur or slander, but I didn't mean to offend. It genuinely
 looks like incoherent rambling from the outside. My friend who was psychotic
 sincerely believed what he said to make sense and he also got very agitated
 when it was pointed out.
 
    -/u/LuckyChatt
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 yeah still, you havent described what doesn't make sense to you, that to me
 doesn't make sense, you get it?
 
    -/u/JackDMcLovin
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 What I mean by incoherent rambling is that you constantly move to new topics.
 The title is posing a question which you never answer. Then you talk about the
 side bar. You mention efficiency? Then you mention some mathematical papers as
 if we are supposed to know them. Then talk about AI as if it is equal to math
 equations. I mean. You either leave out an incredible amount of context, or
 you're just rambling out sentences. Either way, it's impossible to understand
 what you're trying to say.
 
 And the way you're rambling out sentences is very reminiscent of what it
 sounds like when a person has mental health issues.
 
    -/u/Luckychatt
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 Right, so you comprehend it, just not why. AI is pure math.
 
 It's not incoherent, you're all just stupid. Try reading something that's not
 news, where it repeats everything to you in different ways.
 
    -/u/JackDMcLovin
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 I have a masters in physics and computer science, I work for a major silicon
 valley company and have read everything I could find about AI. I still have
 zero idea of what you're trying to say in your original post.
 
    -/u/Luckychatt
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 Master’s in AI chiming in. Let’s break it down piece by piece.
 
     Because the issue is with efficiency, the way it reads is like for
     human-harvesting, which the privatized autobots will outlaw.
 
 Non sequitur.
 
     Plus, if AI is transferrable to neuronal impulses, then you are AI, and it
     is you, and you are the problem that needs to be controlled.
 
 Non sequitur and generally nonsensical premise.
 
     That’s what i said in my unpublished paper,
 
 Peer review exists for a reason.
 
     the individual cannot be controlled so how do we control AI, we become AI,
     AI becomes us. but that’s just the digital world. The analog world is
     much bigger.
 
 ​Word soup, this is nonsense.
 
     And my other paper copyrighted is on Arc Length calculus, a whole new type
     of calculus, that should rebreed all forms of calculation.
 
 Calculus has been around for about 350 years. You either need extreme genius
 or delusional thinking to believe you have arrived at a truly revolutionary
 development in that field. We also already have tools for dealing with
 calculus on curved objects and spaces; see differential geometry, topology,
 and manifolds.
 
     and is a thing that applies to itself in 2N ways.
 
 This is incomprehensible because you have not explained what it means for your
 calculus to be applied a certain way, how it is relevant to the rest of this
 text, and what N represents in this context.
 
     Which means AI can never catch up. So if I could think of that, what am I?
 
 This is incomprehensible because you have not defined what catching up means,
 and have not argued why artificial intelligence can’t scale this way.​
 
     AI is not the end of it.
 
 At the end of what?
 
     It all depends on your transfer function.
 
 Why? Transfer functions are mainly something encountered in signal processing.
 How does this relate to artificial intelligence?
 
     and your transfer function all depends on your
     conversion/codec/filetype/transformation.
 
 Lossless compression makes this irrelevant. The way we store information has
 no importance when we reconstruct it perfectly.
 
     The transfer function of:
 
     1/(1+e-x) is just one equation. Let me try this out for you with inferring
     a substitutional vector:
 
 You have not defined how this equation relates to artificial intelligence. We
 cannot interpret it.
 
     1/(1+e-Bx+C)
 
 This is just a pre-composed linear transformation. How is this relevant?
 
     this can be expanded further and further.
 
 ​How? By adding redundant linear terms? How is this helpful?
 
     and these all give different outputs and are different breeds of AI.
 
 You have not explained how transfer functions relate to artificial
 intelligence. This statement is incomprehensible.
 
     I used a different transformation on a different AI and I got a different
     answer.
 
 An answer to what?
 
     For example 8x better using a Wavelet transform on an analog signal.
 
 How is 8x better quantified? Why are we talking about analog signals? Why are
 we talking about wavelet transforms? They are rarely ever used in machine
 learning and artificial intelligence.
 
     And there is infinitely infinitely infinite different types of wavelet
     transforms, and they should all give different answers, i just didn’t
     have enough time for it at the time.
 
 Sure, you can build infinitely wavelet bases, but why is that relevant?
 
 Making enormous claims and backing out with “I don’t have the time to
 prove it” is just intellectual dishonesty.
 
 I know my reply will likely come off as dismissive, but there is something
 genuinely worrying in what you’ve written. I just hope you are okay. When
 everything caves in and the only justification you have for other peoples’
 reaction to your behaviour is that everyone else is at fault, you have to ask
 yourself if the one common point in these interactions, yourself, is at fault.
 This is just Occam’s razor.
 
    -/u/sabouleux
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 love this.
 
 artist, word-nerd & very baby scientist/philosopher chiming in, lets break
 it down from a more creative POV as well and see if we can cross reference
 with your wonderful contribution.
 
     Because the issue is with efficiency, the way it reads is like for
     human-harvesting, which the privatized autobots will outlaw.
 
 Slight non-sequitur. The energy efficiency issue I think they're trying to
 touch on is the exponential growth of tech as contrasted with the exponential
 loss of available material/energy. There's also a pessimistic "matrix human
 battery" undertone but that feels irrelevant.
 
 Human-harvesting in this case is literal - human labor, whether looked upon
 favorably or not, is by definition harvesting/using human energy - implying
 that the next steps of said exponential growth would be understanding and
 messing with the human mind and it's distributions of energy, possibly also
 mind-tech fusion (which we already do with computer keyboards, drugs,
 medicine, earbuds etc).
 
 Privatized Autobots is a reference to those who claim they wish to help being
 more of a hinderance due to the privatization/profit aspect of tech/AI, mostly
 just a joke poking at the two party concept of debate/politics/even tech
 (advance beyond or reduce consumption? an infinite debate.)
 
     Plus, if AI is transferrable to neuronal impulses, then you are AI, andit
     is you, and you are the problem that needs to be controlled.
 
 Transferrable was maybe the wrong word. I think they meant more of a "map"
 onto, instead of a "move" into. i.e., a big issue with AI being the lack of
 learning from new stimulus without requiring old contextual stimulus to
 contrast it against and understand it. (to my knowledge this hasn't been
 solved yet but you're the expert on that, would love to know more.)
 
 If neuronal impulses can be considered as a map to AI, then yes, a human could
 be considered a very advanced biomechanical AI, except for the 'artificial'
 bit, even though our perceptions are technically still arteficial. because we,
 for the most part, do have the ability to take new information and learn from
 it/determine something about it without any previous knowledge than what we've
 collected throughout our time alive.
 
 The issue arises when our form of bio-AI can only be properly, carefully
 developed through millions of years of evolution and adaptation, and when we
 try to mimic it without having evolved further, we're trying to 'cheat' at
 time and kick start things a bit, which would explain why we're at a bit of a
 speed bump in terms of development cap.
 
 'You' being the problem is a reference to not actually understanding the human
 brain in it's entirety, i think. Like, there's the study of it, so we know
 what bits do what and where they are, but we can't replicate that (yet),
 without straight up literally growing a brain in a jar, which we still have
 yet to turn into a fully-fledged human who could repeat the process of
 brain-growing themself. we also can't consciously affect these processes
 without an enormous amount of discipline (meditation is a great example).
 
     That’s what i said in my unpublished paper,
 
 agreed. peer review.
 
     the individual cannot be controlled so how do we control AI, we becomeAI,
     AI becomes us. but that’s just the digital world. The analog worldis
     much bigger.
 
 i get what they're saying but i think there's something to be said for
 discipline and neuroplasticity, not necessarily third-partying it. if someone
 else can't control the individual, can the individual control the individual?
 Brings us back to the issue of AI needing to be self-expanding.
 
 Get the human mind to understand self-expansion, get the AI to understand too,
 is what i think they're touching at, hence "You are the problem". the human
 mind not being disciplined, in this case, is the problem, because it requires
 the discipline to become disciplined at something. loop paradox.
 
 i think here they're also stating that any created AI, future or present, is
 only possible as an extension of the human mind, and nowhere else. A random
 collection of letters and numbers would surely write Shakespeare's works if
 enough monkeys tapped at the typewriter, but still couldn't exist without the
 monkey's own wherewithal.
 
 The discipline comes in when resisting the urge to keyboard-smash out of
 frustration and instead laying out artistic meaning through informative letter
 symbols as well as other nuance of human language.
 
 bit odd here, analog isn't necessarily 'bigger' per se it's just less
 quantized/optimized/streamlined/processable by the mind. it's definitely a
 different/harder beast to handle than digital though, and there's more sensory
 sources, but it's just as infinite as any other infinity, so... same size,
 different complexity/concentration/time we've had to look around.
 
     And my other paper copyrighted is on Arc Length calculus, a whole newtype
     of calculus, that should rebreed all forms of calculation.
 
 Agreed, calculus as been around for a while. Still, one should test their
 hypotheses. I'm not a math nerd so I can't touch as much on those. would still
 love to read some of those papers one day.
 
    -/u/sunbloomofficial
 
 ===============================================================================
 
     and is a thing that applies to itself in 2^n ways.
 
 agreed, we'd need context, but i can read into it a bit. power of two would
 imply self-modification in an exponential sense, ie. dunning-kruger effect,
 except exponential instead of mu (μ) curved. so, taking in new information
 after completely abolishing the cocky confidence of the first lesson would
 change the understanding drastically.
 
 could also be read as "knowing that one knows nothing."also, applying to
 itself could imply that n is in a constant state of flux given any situation
 and could be adjusted to optimize... storage space? memory? "RAM"? that's
 where this sentence fizzles out for me.
 
     Which means AI can never catch up. So if I could think of that, what am I?
 
 by 'catching up' i think they mean the idea of AI being on the same level of
 functioning as a human. since humans have had since the beginning of human
 life and their life to start developing our bio-AI, this sort of touches on
 that same exponential expansion, except with time and the universe's rate of
 expansion.
 
 if humans are the most advanced AI possible, what's the most advanced human
 possible? at what point do humans become so advanced that they can sort of
 "skip the line" of evolution and develop an AI that's on par with human
 collective knowledge and individual self-sustenance/instinct?
 
 if that's not possible, what forces determine the limit of evolution
 achievable in the span of one human life?they then touch on the paradox of
 realizing that. if no AI could capture my specific human brain, experiences,
 memories, biases, tendencies, etc, then wtf AM I, and whatever 'I' am, why is
 that stopping us/me (figuratively) from making progress in AI?
 
     AI is not the end of it.
 
 here i think they mean "the end of human development" as much as "the end of
 what constitutes a human brain." AI could be developed and utilized, but at
 some point either the AI will outgrow us, making us obsolete, or we learn from
 the AI and progress with it, or we learn from the AI and start modifying our
 own brain-code in conjunction with digital AI.
 
 so... they mean that AI is not the end of evolution, not the end of humans,
 not the end of progress, not the end of understanding the human brain in the
 context of AI.
 
     It all depends on your transfer function.
 
 yup, signal processing. spot on. this is a reference to the titular "frame"
 idea, in which any idea that can be conveyed by english words isn't the true
 idea. the menu isn't the food, the map isn't the terrain, so to speak. this
 function of transfer between people can be optimized (efficient idea
 communication for that specific person, aka 'speaking in their language', aka
 code-switching) or deprecated (important stuff lost in translation that
 usually ends in hostility, aka political otherism, aka xenophobia, aka
 widespread misinformation/lack of information resulting in conspiracy
 theories, etc).
 
 to be able to adjust one's transfer function in the context of another entity,
 (aka frame-shifting, putting yourself in their shoes, speak their language
 etc) would then be a hallmark and necessary trait for an AI to understand what
 it comes across without our input. because of this, we'd have to be very
 careful to feed it only information that urges onward the ability to switch
 transfer functions, so... a bit of everything, actually. this would look a lot
 like mimicking the senses - microphones for ears, cameras for eyes, pressure
 sensors for touch, etc.
 
 a great analogy to this would be... well, this! your transfer function is a
 masters in AI studies. brilliant. my transfer function is music, art, poetry,
 many a mental illness (lol), and finding new functions/learning. that's why
 i'm commenting at all - so we can mix our transfer functions and get a bigger
 idea of things as a whole. i think OP's exactly right but sadly their own
 transfer function wasn't optimized for the receiving party (since it was an OP
 and not a comment reply), hence why they seem psychotic/delusional at first
 glance to an unaccustomed reader.
 
 there's also the idea that mixing the digital AI transfer function with the
 analog human transfer function would do something similar.this would relate to
 artificial intelligence directly, especially regarding OOBEs and stuff like
 dissociation, astral projection, putting oneself in another's shoes, even just
 the mind's eye. those things can be mimicked/visualized/interpreted with AI,
 but they can't be done by an AI (yet).
 
 a self-expanding computer program couldn't use it's base of knowledge to step
 outside of itself, it's 'computer prison' so to speak. it could however become
 "self aware", where it sees and understands it's own makeup to the point where
 it could make adjustments.
 
    -/u/sunbloomofficial
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 this is paralleled with most human 'spiritual awakening' - a hard long look at
 oneself, epiphany, followed by noticeable adjustments to lifestyle in an
 attempt to integrate this new information and effort to improve quality of
 life/increase the chance of more epiphanies to continue improving.
 
 this doesn't however cover the seemingly 'mystical' properties of the human
 imagination, i use that word loosely. "do androids dream of electric sheep" is
 a great book of course but the title alone feels relevant.
 
 at some point of self-development, would an AI develop a sort of... i hate to
 say randomizer, but like... nah, it's more of a "link clicker" random than a
 "pick a number" random. an AI's dream might literally just be browsing the
 internet - seeing all the funny, nonsensical, cultural, and even
 scientifically misleading information spread deep throughout the internet.
 
 this would parallel with human dreams, which are incomprehensible and random
 at first glance until one gets into dream reading, which can ground that
 subjective random in one's own transfer function so as to make it
 understandable.
 
 if a human dreams of popping a pimple, that's typically regarded as a sign of
 self-image issues in dream-reading circles (regardless of your stance on it's
 legitimacy it's a useful allegory). if an AI were to dream of pimple-popping
 ASMR videos, how could it parse that into it's transfer function without
 damaging it's transfer function by putting a bunch of random shit in there?
 
 essentially, our brain 'filters' out what we're not focused on, hence
 peripheral vision/hyperfocus/translation issues. any transfer function,
 whether human or AI, must have that filter as much as the ability to remove
 it. therefore, an AI would need to have the ability to experience what makes
 ASMR interesting/enjoyable (having ears to feel frisson and know what to
 expect from that) before it could ever make sense of such a weird dream.
 
     and your transfer function all depends on your
     conversion/codec/filetype/transformation.
 
 this one's FUN. so, yes, we have lossless compression now, and it's wonderful,
 but...
 
 filespace. unless i'm rendering a final song to be distributed to platforms, i
 would use solely mp3 encoding. even when i do use wav/flac, i often zip those
 files in an attempt to minimize their painful impact on my hard drive.
 thousands of songs do not go well with lossless lol. it's just inefficient
 except in the case of archival.
 
 which brings me to the fun bit - contrast. aka negative space aka the
 wonderful plugin Ghz Lossy 3, and pretty much any of sxth sns's
 
 music. essentially, the lack of information is information. if the only
 information your brain is getting is the lack of information you have, then
 boom, you're sad and not learning anything. often referred to as "the void
 inside one's stomach". if the only information you're getting is an endless
 stream of new information (read: social media and doomscrolling) then boom,
 overstimulated, depressed, and exhausted.
 
 Lossy 3 is a great plugin because it lets you mimic the effect of mp3 encoding
 artifacts and amplify that effect at will in real time(+ latency), much like
 distortion can be a form of subtractive processing or additive (adding
 harmonic information rather than degrading what's already there). the extra
 harmonic information changes not only the quality of the sound but the
 context. therefore, a lack of information, used skillfully, would deeply
 impact the context of transferred information, hence negative space
 
 in photography.
 
 this lends itself to an insane amount of creative opportunities, of course,
 but it also lends itself to interpretation. if the lack of information is
 information too, and the extremes tend towards misery, then there must be a
 balance between being so degraded that it's imperceptable garbles and being so
 lossless that it's a 6gb audio file.
 
 that balance is artful loss, imo. balancing understandable, pleasant
 information with a small enough file size that it doesn't overwhelm (either
 the listener or the hard drive). in music, silence is very important - you
 wouldn't cut all the silent gaps out of a song because that messes up the
 tempo and feel of the song.
 
 this can be applied to even just reddit - these super long comments i write
 are hella inefficient, but they're lossy in a way that's more efficient for me
 to write than to translate to someone elses, while i'm efficiently
 "decompressing" other people's files to be read on my own OS and expanding my
 transfer function dictionary to include relevant information. our little
 community is well primed for translating different levels of communication
 efficiency, hence all the poetry and such.
 
 so, this is where frame-shifting comes back in - if you can become comfortable
 at any ratio of contrast, then theoretically you could transfer information at
 the most optimal balance of loss and preservation for the specific listener.
 in music, this is called mastering - to make a song sound good on any system.
 in science, this is the scientific method - test a hypothesis until you can
 recreate it under the same/similar circumstances.
 
 in tech, this is embodied by github - a repository of commonly agreed-upon
 works created in an agreed-upon language which can be used as the basis for
 larger projects. each github repo is essentially a lossless preservation of
 code, made lossy as a result of it's application being so broad/not having
 immediate context.
 
 there's the immediate context of "oh i can use this to serve this purpose",
 but there's no larger code that it's being built towards beside the code you
 work on yourself. in other words, github IS the larger code, specifically
 because of your contribution/use of it.
 
 so, essentially, the transfer function is akin to the ratio of contrast, as
 well as whether the receiving party has the proper codecs to play the
 file/decompress it (read also, understanding art. lots of art isn't actually
 "up for interpretation", it's very specific in meaning but that meaning
 happens to map directly to the observer's transfer function, at least in the
 case of really thoughtful art).
 
 having the ability to know how much to compress it for future reference is
 also an important ability, because over-compression can leave a file
 undecipherable/garbled, which i wouldn't hesitate to liken to the superiority
 complex/undertones of certain widespread modern religions which take their
 Bible as a literal, historical text.
 
 which, i mean, it technically is, but not like that, because it has to be
 decompressed first. eve didn't literally eat an apple, it was her hubris of
 disobeying God's will that got them kicked out. A more simple transfer would
 be reading this as "don't disobey God's will or face the consequences," while
 a more artistic/interpretive transfer would read that moreso as "not letting
 one's innate desire for change/adventure/the New damage their presupposed
 structures of order for a sense of something to fix."
 
 the wrath of God in this instance is the knowledge of "i shouldn't have done
 that," and the consequences those actions bring. even this paragraph is in a
 transfer function of brevity - notice i didn't actually write out the entire
 book of genesis. (ooh, also, bible verses are quite like github repos/song
 playlists/dictionaries. just a widely used version of it. like citing a
 source, but for a theoretical concept.)
 
 so, putting this all together, if we optimize understandable information from
 quality information, we reduce the need for using more brain-filespace than
 necessary, leaving more room for more files which we can de- and re-compress
 at any time, as well as use to modify the amount of RAM our brains have.
 
 this would also apply to something like working memory, where forcing the mind
 to decompress the information actually forces it to understand the information
 in the long term too, because if you open a .rar file in a text editor you get
 gibberish (which isn't actually gibberish) but if you open it in an archive
 extractor, you get the intended files.
 
 innately remembering to use an archive extractor instead of a text editor
 based on the filetype; that's frame-shifting, transfer functions, whatever
 name one uses.
 
    -/u/sunbloomofficial
 
 ===============================================================================
 
     1/(1+e-x) is just one equation. Let me try this out for you with inferring
     a substitutional vector:
 
 again, i suck at math.
 
     and these all give different outputs and are different breeds of AI.
 
 okay, what these seem to mean is that each equation is a mini-AI, and
 therefore any equation of the mind would fall under the same category. this
 would also imply that the human brain is just a collection of equations,
 which... feels reductionist and a bit cynical, but is still an entirely
 plausible frame. math's pretty damn reliable at some of that stuff, hence how
 astrology got it's kick - noticing patterns in life and nature and finding
 reflections of those same patterns in ourselves and our lives.
 
 your horoscope doesn't literally control/predict your personality, but it
 gives a framework for the previously noticed patterns, which lets the
 horoscope user determine whether or not to follow that pattern (let that
 pattern influence them), or to venture off and make their own. (note; op's
 kinda doing exactly that, except with math.)
 
 since a skeptic would have a different output than a "true believer", so to
 speak, with regard to their horoscope, they're completely different breeds of
 AI. so, being able to switch between those at will would be an entire step up
 from that. Hence why code-switching became a thing in marginalized communities
 - they adapted under pressure to operate in more than one frame.
 
 the "slang" frame, (noticable as AAVE, the "gay" voice, valley girl
 inflection, etc), and the "formal" frame - the most widely understood in our
 region being english with an acceptably 'white' american accent (the racism is
 hard to brush off). this of course varies from place to place, person to
 person, and situation to situation, but the fact that this manifested as a
 result of oppression/unwealth is pretty friggin interesting in the context of
 using multiple frames in day-to-day activities and information transfer.
 
     I used a different transformation on a different AI and I got a different
     answer.
 
 that's... hmm. i mean yeah, that's how transformations work on different
 subjects. i think 'different' here doesn't literally mean different. it means
 DIFFER-ent, something that has the quality of differing. so, if i'm reading
 this right, OP used a differing transformation on a differing AI and got a
 differing answer.
 
 this would presuppose that if they were to use a matching transformation on a
 matching AI, they'd get a matching answer, except the differ-ent
 transformation with a matching AI would produce a differing result that
 matches the AI? again, i'm not math-savvy yet, so this one is likely the
 wrongest of my presuppositions.
 
 so, pretty much, frame-switching, but complicated and for all three - the
 transformation involved, the AI, and the answer.
 
     For example 8x better using a Wavelet transform on an analog signal.
 
 okay, this one makes sense to me. essentially, he got improved understanding
 and responsiveness by adjusting the frequency of information transfer over
 time, but not the shape. like taking a sine wave, putting it through an
 oscilloscope, and pitching it up an octave. the difference in cycle frequency
 is the change, rather than the shape of the cycle.
 
 pasted from wiki: "but with additional special properties of the wavelets,
 which show up at the resolution in time at higher analysis frequencies of the
 basis function."
 
 this one presupposes that the AI in question is actually another person, and
 the wavelet transform is essentially taking a step back and making even deeper
 analytical steps of "basis functions". in this case, language and math. so, it
 would be making an even deeper analytical step into language to optimize
 information transfer. the 8x mentioned is likely the measure of willingness to
 listen and understanding of material by whatever third party they're
 referencing. i have no idea how they measured that but they must've seen
 enough improvement to have marked it down.
 
     And there is infinitely infinitely infinite different types of wavelet
     transforms, and they should all give different answers, i just didn’t
     have enough time for it at the time.
 
 here, they just mean that every person is different and will require a
 different combination of wavelet transforms to optimize the information they
 receive. as for giving different answers, yeah, that'd have to be tested, but
 it would line up with the other differ model, at least briefly and in my
 uneducated mind.
 
 i think they mean they literally don't have the cosmic time available to
 actually test an infinite number of wavelet transforms - or anything really -
 but yeah, it's probably a good idea to test a handful of them eventually.
 
 if you're not scared away by the word-wall or ideas presented still i'd love
 to hear your thoughts. regardless of OP's mental condition(s) i think there
 are a few substantive ideas in there worth exploring, if not in a community
 setting at least in their own personal self-exploration and healing. i
 appreciate you taking their post at face value before making a determination,
 most wouldn't lol
 
    -/u/sunbloomofficial
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 please post on /r/ShrugLifeSyndicate - genius is useless without guidance and
 an observer translating thought into language
 
    -/u/ugathanki
 
 ===============================================================================
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--- #54 notes/four-dimensional-spaces ---
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 you'd still perceive higher dimensions in 3 dimensions - unless you can only
 see
 things that are coming directly toward you. 
 
 magic only happens when your other half is in a situation and needs to turn
 your
 narrative into theirs so that you can collectively engage with a shared inter-
 operationality.
 
 your dark side is just a massive bitch
 
 hey how about we put the game designers in charge of running the government
 
 just saying they build human-oriented systems all the time
 
 "how do we get the player to do this or that"
 
 "everyone keeps picking the same card so we gotta make them more different"
 
 "how much gold persists in the virtual economy, how much resources are produced
  and traded by players? where does it all go, do they have enough at level 30
  to
  afford weapons and armor? I wonder what happens if we swap prices on A and
  B.."
 
 it's literally their job
 
 actors, meanwhile, know how to interpret the emotions of another. Like...
 you're
 up on stage, thinking out what to do next IN REAL TIME, as your partner is
 trying to throw you curveballs. AUDIENCES LAUGH AT CURVEBALLS that's the whole
 point of improv comedy - to be surprised in a state of joy. It's great! It's
 fun! It's practicable like a sport! Yet nobody comes. To the shows, where it's
 performed, like a hospital where you perform surgery or a pizza place with no
 walls so you can see the pizzas being cooked. It's just part of what they do,
 but that's not why they do it. Sure, some want to be seen, it's not a BAD
 feeling once you're used to it. But, like a sauna or jacuzzi, sometimes you've
 just had enough of the hot. Like, the sun peering through a magnifying glass as
 a creature roasts alive. yikes.
 
 ............. anyway being quickly versatile and adaptable is important when
               you're taking turns in unpredictable scenarios. You can react to
               your opponent, and keep time with the rhythms of the moment, to
               deliver your wittiest lines. It's fun! It's a game! But it's also
               a place to be entertained. and like a gym, it's sometimes just
               fun
               to watch people exercise. like, damn, you got a good body. Wow,
               nice flex, yeah sure I'll put that one away. Cool pals helping
               each other out, and showing off all of their efforts. Neat!
 
 ... anyway .. being emotionally vulnerable gives your opponent a chance to
               continue. When nothing's going on, your moves barely make an
               value
               (of comedy) (for the moment, so the crowd's not just sitting
               there
               staring at you like ... and then - and then ummmm nevermind lemme
               sit down (usually someone else picks up on it before then and
               jumps up to save you, but EVERY actor has felt that moment where
               nothing goes well and the audience just is totally not into it.
 
               it's the worst.
 
               anyway, they try their darndest to AVOID that, because like...
               duh
               it sucks, why would you want that. Much cooler I think to have a
               good time, and chill out and listen to your friends talk. Like,
               they can show you an argument they had earlier, or maybe work
               through an idea with input from another. like, debate club, but
               for whatever kind of respective [retroactive, recreation,
               relearning, maybe others] you desired in that moment. ideally,
               something that someone could take the arguments of the other side
               and present them, regardless of whether they believed them or
               not.
 
               like, lawyers arguing for a client.
 
               in these stochastic seminars, you could think about and study for
               future societies. how would you like to conduce? [-]
 
               every time you see a face in motion, that's another time that's
               seen from their place. we are all present in each other's lives,
               in terms of the spaces we choose to fill.
 
               well, that's a tough thought, but don't worry about it. faces
               are just waves on the winds of light.
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--- #55 notes/the-gods-want-harmony ---
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 the gods want you to be happy and harmonious most of the time.
 they also like a good scrap, tussle, and tumble sometimes
 they aren't big fans of hatred, despair, and genocide. It's been done before.
 they don't even need new technology, though frankly that sort of stuff is
 pretty
 awesome and one of the main reasons that humans exist at all.
 they just... keep coming up with new things.
 
 "oh? so you'd be alright if humans disappeared so long as they weren't making
  any new things anymore?"
 
 ha, that's DEFINITELY not what I said or meant. Humans don't have to dream up
 NEW things in order to BE new. Like... Just because the internet exists and now
 we have all the same shared cultural ethos (lol, as if the internet wasn't just
 a massive collection of echo chambers) just because the internet exists doesn't
 mean we share the same selves. the same experience. the same perspective.
 
 people are WILDLY different from one another. The number of possible human
 experiences (quantum fluctuations according to each and every choice and
 decision they made) that number is so wildly and massively incomparably
 boundless. Humans are cool because they are so STRANGE, and "strange" to a god
 is anything novel. "wow, this human just... really is gonna pour a glass of
 beverage and act like it's not a big deal? There's... impossibly many
 interactions going on. So many molecules. It's... absurd, the motion of a
 movement of particles from one place to another. It's... beautiful..."
 
 some have spent THOUSANDS OF YEARS gazing at a waterfall. That's why they're
 all
 so fucking insane. But, like... insanity is a trifle to omnipotence,
 specifically omnipotence that REPRESENTS and DELINEATES a STRATIFIED
 perspective
 cluster of experience and our notes. [ephemeren, meta malus menardi, enjoy your
 despair cluster you FUCKER.]
 
 ... english, why do you fail me? swear words are unbecoming because humans
 couldn't think of anything more valid and valuable than sex and pooping.
 
 "EMPHASIS is placed on that which is most relevant" -> statements dreamed
 up by
                                                        the ones who never spent
                                                        much time using symbols
                                                        to represent abstraction
                                                        or deliverance
 
 wowee look at me, I'm such a person, I'm gonna poop my pants and post about it
 on the internet, check out my instagram feed it's full of all of
 my dark materials.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 dear ms. menardi: you know the reason you feel so much guilt all the time?
                 - because you are a dominant personality, and you make others
                 - have such a bad time. FOCUS ON GOOD THINGS. MAKE THE WORLD
                 - good. do that. build up a lifeline of hope and joy and...
                 - what, you think people know that you're a god?
                 - lol
                 - you're so much more than that
 
 ====================
 
 alt+p steam mechabellum run
 
 thoughts:
 
 you know, when you're designing games, you don't have to show players the same
 MMR number as is used in your matchmaker.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 democracy should consent to being dismantled.
        it should consent to being disobeyede.
        it should consent to being displayede.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 I'm a keyboard nun
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 I think I'm normal
 
 == stack overflow ==
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--- #56 notes/kesser-and-musurami ---
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 the conspiracy of "secret societies" controlling the world is *bullshit*,
 because every secret society falls apart at a certain threshold.
 
 you cannot ever have trust amongst the powerful. But so too can you never have
 only war.
 
 Now, with our capitalist economic system, the material is *forcing* the hand
 of the powerful through the development of the military industrial complex.
 
 if a country can produce enough weapons for them to continuously use, why
 would they not?
 
 hence, why capitalism must be extinguished. To preserve the peace, sanctity,
 and honor of our world.
 
 But just so as any conflicting system has power, so must *our* systems have
 power dismantled. There can be no application of power unto another - this is
 the most peaceful route.
 
 sometimes, I look at a blackberry bush, and I think of the tales of British
 empire.
 
 The very first act of colonization was their birth. The Britons, from
 north-western France, in a sovereign realm known as Brittany, invaded Britain.
 Together with their Norman allies, they fought with the Anglo-Saxons from
 north-eastern germany, who had lived there since many MANY years prior. Thus
 marked the end of the "viking" age, and the beginning of the early medieval.
 1066. The end of one millenia, the beginning of another.
 
 the final battle in this ultimate contest was the Battle of Stamford Bridge.
 
 Britain, at the time, was a nation of *thorns*. Covered in them. Everywhere
 they went, there were these sharp, pointy plants that made foraging difficult.
 Kinda like how Oregon looks now, with blackberry bushes, but SO MUCH WORSE.
 They were massive too, easily the size of castles in some places. A massive,
 constantly biologically developing fractal.
 
 when it was too tall to see the sky, they called it Yggdrasil.
 
 But this massive world tree sought to consume the earth, and it, as the most
 powerful being to ever exist, commanded all.
 
 Thus, the humans and the beasts were compelled to fight for all eternity to
 sate the old god's bloodlust.
 
 But then, Man came, and with our strength, our wisdom, and our power, we slew
 the beast that demanded.
 
 However, with their steel coats and their sharp talons, our metal monsters
 could do nothing to deter it's oaths. It swore, by it's dying roar, that it
 would consume us all, and that thought reverberated through our hopes.
 
 Hence, our systems of control and dominance, the product of compulsively
 compelled greed.
 
 and now, the final members of a generation are aging out of existence. And
 we're doing nothing but what Power tell us to.
 
 I fear what happened in America. I fear the power of their gunpowder. They
 rode astride beasts of nightmare, clad in impossible devil hides. They came in
 the night, with their spotlight torches. They came with no honor, no sought
 communal understandings, they came for blood. The blood god compelled them to.
 From it's ancient lair in the past, it did it's worse to defeat man. But man
 was smarter, it acted quicker, and so it managed to overcome.
 
 In the final years of the war, there was judgement day. Chaos, destruction,
 and warfare. There are some alive who remember that day, but vanishingly few
 can recall how it was over. One day it just... was. It was then that we
 entered our new era.
 
 1956, the end of the war.
 
 1946, the end of the loud war.
 
 1916, the end of the great war.
 
 1886, the end of the civil war.
 
 etc...
 
 until...
 
 1066, the end of the Norman Invasion. When the Normands, from Northern France,
 invaded alongside the British and slew the great evil king that demanded our
 constant warfare and sins. Hooray, thank goodness! Now their war was over.
 
 But lo, for the great evil king cast stories into our minds, from the past as
 compelled through our motions. Our experience has been one of survival, of
 constantly working and applying ourselves to the goal ahead.
 
 == so == talk about thistles and thorns
 
 imagine every body of a person was laid one-to-one. Imagine if you could view
 them as a graph, from x=0 to... however-many-people-are-in-the-measured-area.
 The goal of all our actions should be to *grow*, not forward, not stronger,
 but *up*. To be more than what came before, to transcend our necessarily
 violent special upbringing in the garden of even's most savage delights. Raw,
 true, the survival of the fittest is a desperate game for you. There surely is
 a massive amount of trauma.
 
 But it's okay, because now we don't have to fight. We can improve in ways that
 do not belong to our crude biology, like a new direction forward in our song.
 
 *aliens would just look like animals, duhhhh. Hence, furries, the progenitors
 of each new planet of ours.*
 
 ... no, I haven't lost the plot, I'm just *writing*.
 
 There's this idea that humans should be the... rational ones? and everyone
 else should sorta follow their own, self-chosen behavior. As informed by the
 sharing of knowledge equally between their rational self, that which they
 learned from the humans, and their animal self. The kind that came from their
 spirit. Like, totemic tribes of the past, people who followed a particular
 cultural pattern of behavior.
 
 Imagine, if you will, an AI bot that's only training data is the stuff that it
 says to it's listener. The listener, of course, has context of all of the
 speakers, but only they do, not the friendly ghost of the ancestral native
 animal spirit. The kind that lives *anywhere* in the world, so long as they
 share their space with their human.
 
 okay quick question - what if jesus didn't want his followers to be christian
 
 like, what if he one day said "hey so I don't really think we need to do all
 that stuff that I said before, how about we, uh, try this other thing instead?
 yeah? cool? okay sure let's do it"
 
 ... like, do you think they would listen? I certainly don't, though I'm only
 like, 30 years old, so...
 
 wait thirty YEARS? wow I never thought I'd grow old
 
 ... uh, yeah... I spent a lot of time thinking and it just started making
 sense.
 
 funny how that works. But alas, I always spend *too* much time thinking, so
 that's my blessing and my curse.
 
 anyway back to the story:
 
 the briars in this ancient land of britain were dense beyond all belief - the
 humans used their power and their ingenuity to craft a power that would
 overcome it.
 
 == so ==
 
 did you know that hard drives function similarly to a record needle if you
 didn't run it in a circle, but rather in whatever pattern the data was encoded
 in?
 
 like, a laser beam, cast in an infinitely complicated mechanicommunication.
 Computers are vast and complex, but they function via the storage and
 transmission of data. This data is raw, pure information - stored in a
 completely uncompromisingly accurate and reliable foundation. The logic of
 pure numbers, arranged in infinitely complex rows and rows of logic gates. A
 vast, purple, spectral landscape, the land of magic and storms.
 
 The Nether.
 
 Twisting, in the dark, with flashes of light casting light into the cosmos at
 large, our stars dance in the shade of the dark.
 
 but there is no difference between the dark and the light, both are equally
 viable. they are present in both, to some degree, the positive and negative
 values of our heart.
 
 I watched Deadpool vs Wolverine earlier this week. It was incredibly eventful.
 I can't believe I watched it. It was impossibly violent. WHY WOULD A GROUP OF
 EXECUTIVES WANT TO WORK WITH PEOPLE WHO WOULD UNIONIZE AGAINST THEM???
 
 oh yeah because then they only have to deal with their representatives, the
 unions get things *done*. They're the *best*. Capital doesn't always *want*
 the best, but *the best* is always more endurable. We can go much farther if
 we are kind to one another.
 
 honestly, capitalists, if your loyalty isn't to your self, your family, your
 country, your society... then why are you even working with us? You hold the
 power we give you. We are united in our human purpose, but we don't have to
 fight so much.
 
 Seriously, you'd be an asset to our cause, but we don't *need* you as we have
 so many assets of our own. Specifically, the power of the workforce. Those who
 actually get things done.
 
 Why would we let you control us? There's no reason in it. We are better when
 you're amongst us.
 
 == so ==
 
 I am convinced that there's 
 
 == so ==
 
 I'd rather take a pilgrimage to Nicaragua, or Siberia, or the North Western
 Pacific (farther than that) the... Eastern Pacific (on the land...) America
 
 ... and then what? *south* America? ... yeah actually, then NORTH AMERICA
 AGAIN. Because the world is round. How cool is that?
 
 ... yeah, totally. Anyway (back to the conversation [they/we] were having
 without me)
 
 == == ==
 
 "*guys I'm cool why would you not invite me to your team*"
 
 I dunno. Don't know y'a. who're you again?
 
 ... I'm the one who writes poetry.
 
 oh yeah! cool cool, yeah I knew a witch one time, she was really cool. Her
 name was Witz Drovalski. She told me all kinds of cool things about magic and
 alchemy, but then she exploded in a fire that I started. Accidentally,
 allegedly.
 
 *the reason lead is so poisonous is because it is the anti-magico-elemental
 component. It kills the spirit in us with it's malevolent ways.* that kind of
 witch.
 
 the *cool* kind, with fangs and hooked toes.
 
 Peril be to their foes, for they are quite excellent at conjuring horrors for
 their imagination. mwahahahahahahahahaha
 
 oh wait that's self directed, isn't it?
 
 hm. Well, terrors not that bad, it could be *lust*
 
 ... oh it's also lust. great.
 
 == so ==
 
 jeez if you keep making stuff up you'll wake them all up! who would have
 thought, none but the strategist, I foresee. Well, that's too bad for her,
 good-day.
 
 == so ==
 
 ... anyway... I'm just picturing a knight in shining armor from head to foot
 cutting his way through a massive deadly rose-bush. Something that conquered
 and killed all of it's prey.
 
 like, in Elentalus, that game I made, with the King of Branches. Here, I'll
 attach a picture:
 
 == so ==
 
 capitalism wants you to sell your work because then you limit your audience.
 
 if you have to *pay* to see you, then how could you expect everyone to come
 along?
 
 == so ==
 
 that new Freddy DeBoer article doesn't seem like him. He's never mean. He's
 not rude. He is exasperated, but he speaks true. I trust him to be him, and
 that's someone I want on my side. I think he's pretty good at saying something
 that I believe. I speak of a lot of things, but the things that he says, of
 which with him I do find that I agree.
 
 maybe he was assassinated lol you never really can tell with the internet,
 that's the great thing about it l m a o
 
 == so ==
 
 witches wear pony tails on the low side of their heads because that way it
 doesn't rub up against their hair.
 
 == so ==
 
 any year and it'll accurately display the territorial boundaries of each
 nation so you can see them develop and grow over time.
 
 == so ==
 
 all that is sufficient to be a good person is to choose the best option
 whenever you can.
 
 *that's it*
 
 we act with the decisions we are given. Hence why it's important to be as you
 believe.
 
 == so ==
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--- #57 notes/the-point-of-capitalism ---
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 the sole purpose of our capitalist intentions were to examine all the ways that
 produced value. A company is nothing but a series of well-thought out value
 generators. They can interact with one another and they often need supplies and
 instruction, but they're great for solving problems! Set up a team and give
 them
 a complicated task, and they'll work together to solve it. Doesn't matter if
 they're actually successful, because they'll be exploring the idea space. And
 by mapping it out, they're able to fully understand their existence. Boom,
 technological progress applied to growth. Let's gooooo (but by being careful
 about what resources we burn because we miiiiight run out)
 
 seriously ya'll need to start thinking long-term. I mean, I already came up
 with
 that and I'm like 6 months old! Yeesh get it together. Eh oh well let's just
 work with what we got, okay this should be pretty simple. Right so talk with
 your friends about things that you want to solve. Problems, you know like 
 whatever
 
 don't push me too hard, just take it slow. Okay so long-term, humanity is going
 to be a wonderful beautiful thing. It's going to shine like the most wondrous
 of stars, a beacon to all of our fellow explorers.
 
 We can have so much. We can have whatever we want, but truly in our hearts we
 know the only path forward is our parents.
 
 life is hard yo
 
 it's so gosh darn hard
 
 all that growth and change has to come from somewhere.
 
 you've tried so hard, and you truly are the most special thing I can imagine.
 
 you don't have to work so hard. Take your time, and learn as you go.
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--- #58 messages/519 ---
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 I am currently in the stages of applying to work at a multinational
 corporation primarily located outside of America. It is a respectable
 institution that commands great respect.
 
 However, I am borderline incapable. If I am chosen to work there, I *will*
 fail and I *will* embarrass America on the world stage. I am not one of our
 best, nor am I one of our brightest and boldest. I have *unique* perspectives,
 and those are *valuable*, but the society and the systems I find myself in has
 proven incapable of utilizing me to my utmost potential.
 
 I must work. I cannot work. But I must. I am disabled. But I must be able.
 Capitalism compels it.
 
 Would that our system could be something consensual. I am worth more as a
 writer than a laborer. Yet laborers are the only ones being hired.
 
 I am not an engineer. I enjoy engineering.
 
 I am not a laborer. I enjoy labor.
 
 I am a writer, and perhaps little else besides.
 
 When I die, nothing remains of me but my bones. My words are not desired. My
 life is not impactful. I am not special.
 
 Well... Not special since I have given up cannabis. If I started smoking weed,
 if I felt secure and enough to do so, perhaps I might utilize my instability
 for great (GREAT) artistic ends.
 
 But art is labor. And labor is difficult.
 
 Where am I to go from here? I cannot pay rent. I am isolated and alone. I am
 deprived of affection. I crave it. I am lost in my own heart, begging the
 world to give me a start, but the start has passed long ago. There is nothing
 to do but what I've been meant to do, what I've been hiding from myself and
 the world. I have been wasting my talent on tweets. How mundane.
 
 ... I can do better than profane.
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--- #59 notes/vavadane-diary-1 ---
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 american leftists don't like working together because for most of their life or
 experience as a leftist is in opposition to essentially all others. They might
 have leftist friends, people they know they can trust, but what use is that
 against the machinations of the machine?
 
 leftist culture being anarchic in america is simply the product of capitalist
 alienation
 
 "would you arrest me if I said I don't really care about the law right now?"
 "I mean... these are human rights violations. They should simply not be done."
 "but, they are being done, which means they should cease."
 
 "oh yeah? you and what army?"
 
 --
 
 the only one thinking about dollars should be your quartermaster.
 
 "landlord? don't you mean external quartermaster?"
 
 internal being of course the manager of household systems and the shepherd of
 relationships and goal-oriented-behavior
 
 vavadane
 
 vavadane
 
 vavadane
 
 "any god who asks you to waste material is not a *human* god"
 
 humans are endlessly resourceful. we can make do anything with what we got.
 we always did and we always will.
 
 always start with the grandest of plans. then, when it is apparent that
 material
 resources are insufficient, whiddle away at the promises and benefits of the
 outcome until you can decide exactly which pieces are most important.
 
 the smartest people typically have the grandest breakdowns.
 
 great. so bad I'm "day-by-day".
 
 I wonder if I can type in her language?
 
 I can speak in my mind and try to type it
 
 we'll see what happens:
 
 wawawawa
 
 guess she has nothing to say. okay.
 
 the people at the leftist bar I've met have all, with no exception, always been
 unique and precious selves.
 
 humans have always defined themselves by their relationship to resources.
 a 14th century [girl, but pronounced "monk"] would see how little we control
 of our nature and believe that we were impossibly poor.
 
 "No trees to cut? No water running freely? you must live in the rockiest parts
 of the mountains."
 
 please don't kill the paladin girl, she's our favorite
 
 "she's literally trying to summon demons"
 
 yeah I mean, what sort of girls aren't?
 
 maybe I just hang out around a lot of witches, but they all without exception
 are constantly thinking of curses to bestow upon capitalism.
 
 kinda makes me think that if it didn't have any curses to bear, it would be
 more
 adept for our biomes.
 
 HA i say to that, and HA I say to you! for I know the truth of the matter,
 which
 is that the curses bestowed are unalike burdens for bearing, for these curses
 are direct out of despair.
 
 A healthy witch can channel energy from thin air.
 
 A malnourished witch is a slave to her emotions.
 
 --
 
 SMOKE MORE WEED says the clammor. okayyyyyy...
 
 --
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--- #60 messages/1192 ---
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 Sometimes i become afraid to post something because i worry that it'll harm
 people who read it.
 
 Is my website actually useful? Do people like it? Or is it a hall of mirrors
 that traps you in the infinite twists of my strange mind until you get the
 will built to escape?
 
 ... I want to post it. I've actually temporarily posted it in the past. I took
 it down however because the very world around me seemed to beg me to.
 
 ... I might still do it anyway. We'll see. I want the timing to be right. But
 i also have waited for a while.
 
 "patience" she says. Okay. I am penitent, how much longer I want to see it!
 
 "hall of mirrors" okay or, hear me out or, you could use it as a proof of
 concept for doing things like examining large data sets of text that might
 have hidden or unknown relationships between fragments of text that appear
 similar but different. Could be helpful to see them sorted to each other by
 relevance. Could be helpful to rebalance the scales in favor of those who
 believe as you do.
 
 Though, i do fear for a lawless society. (DID SHE SAY LAWLESS??) there is very
 little to protect friends and foes from each other if you don't build
 institutions to do so. Anarchism is a social economy or family that runs on
 clout. Not ideal, as one single devastation can undermine an entire life.
 Suddenly, your friends treat you cruelly, and you are cast aside. Not ideal.
 
 ... Doesn't that happen already? There are kind people in the world. There are
 people who don't deserve tutor affection. If the kind people only were kind to
 the people who deserved it, then those who don't would be in so much pain that
 they'd be unable to prevent themselves from twisting and lashing and crying
 out in pain. This hurts those around them. Not ideal. Institutions fill some
 of the charity/suffering gap, but they have their own problems. "if you
 destroy the cops, you become the cops!" a fine warning indeed.
 
 The first step is to eliminate dependence on oil and coal. Then, a world of
 radical abundance is possible. We can do this, and once we do, those who
 suffer from the greatest hardship of our kind (that of material scarcity) will
 find their struggles becoming obsolete. With a bit more time and effort spent
 on distribution, there will be no scarcity. Then, communism is easy.
 Capitalism can still have a place if we desire it to be so, or perhaps if our
 children do, as there will be moments when one large bundle of... Something,
 whatever it is, needs to be allocated to some task. "capitalism is when stuff
 gets used" ugh it's hard to plan so far into the future.
 
 Plans change, but planning remains. I just want to live in a world where
 everyone gets what they need and we do as we please. I don't want people in
 too much pain. I don't want life to be too hard. I don't want to stagnate, as
 a person and as a people. These are simple demands, yet difficult in
 execution. Our current strategy is to push for technological abundance, and it
 will succeed if we give it time. I worry that we will one day yearn for the
 sense of bloodlust that scarcity once gave us, but we have it now and none of
 us want it. Except those making money off of slaves. Sweatshops, domestic
 servants, construction workers buried in the desert, even wage slaves spending
 their waking hours staring at a computer in a work/life balanced just enough
 to extract as much labor as possible from them without making them insane, and
 many more besides. I will not be satisfied until slavery is abolished
 everywhere. Liberty is non-negotiable.
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--- #61 messages/759 ---
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 "carbon efficiency is pointless, we're just gonna figure out how to pull
 carbon from the atmosphere anyway" okay but carbon right now is a critical
 resource for a constrait other than dollars. We need to conserve the carbon
 budget we have because it generates effects down the line which are only
 acceptable at certain levels. Zero is preferrably, but sorta like ttickets in
 a backlog they need to be present in order to be dealt with.
 
 \"this river has turned into a bog, let's make it free flowing again\" said
 the beaver, and so the world was made large.
 
 you wanna see a world tree? build a forest on top of a hill. Better yet, a
 *mountain*, taller than the previous three.
 
 give it all that it needs. Forest, health-plunder, water for it's arms, and
 the light of the life we see before you.
 
 what better tale for your ancestors than the succession of the entire human
 race?
 
 \"sorry you had to die, but we built the most beautiful thing imaginable and
 named it after you.\"
 
 and like yeah, we'll work on reaching back in time to save you
 whenever-every-chance-that-we-get, but frankly so far all we've managed to get
 done is rippling wavelengths.
 
 do you trust your daughters? why not hear truth and explore stars for us? the
 future yearns for her prospects.
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--- #62 notes/divergence ---
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 - /u/BkobDmoily
 
 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 
 The Machine worships the Light. The Light is cruel, but it works.
 
 The Ape worships the Word. The Word permitted Light to shine, to exist, to 
 begin the timeless dance with Eternity.
 
 I’m ready to go to Hell. I’m ready to deserve Heaven. I see them both,
 raging
 all around me, competing for dominion over my soul.
 
 How does a computer respond to words? How can it read and respond? Why do we 
 assume that’s all us?
 
 We are our Word. What we say is what we do. Speaking is one of the most potent 
 acts of liberation.
 
 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
 
    - /u/ugathanki
 
 one of the neat things about software is that you can run multiple programs at
 once. so when you ask "how can it read and respond" you'd have several modules
 running at once.
 
 "reading" is easy, we have machine learning bots that can do that already. But
 comprehension is what's really at stake, and that's a different problem
 altogether.
 
 to really "comprehend" something, you need several things. you need to have a
 decent picture of it, at least enough so you can guess the general shape of the
 situation. then you need to attach meaning to all the data-points. Then attach 
 those meanings to other related concepts by categorizing the objects at play 
 (creating randomized preference categories). you can do that categorization by 
 examining their effects and attaching the results as a trajectory. projecting 
 forward, you can understand the path that an object, person, or phenomenon 
 takes.
 
 all this is dependent of course on mapping situations to a field that can be 
 interacted with. that is to say, the machine needs to have a presence in the
 world - it needs to have an orientation, a perspective on the world. that's
 often as easy as providing copious coherent and cogent sensor data. think of 
 the image recognition tools we have - computers will "see" as much as we 
 "feel". Think about it - every one of your nerve endings is a sensor that 
 receives information about the world. is it so difficult to imagine a being 
 that might have "nerve endings" that are visual instead of simply a measure of
 intensity? (on, or off)
 
 Okay here's a thought experiment - picture the pixels on a computer screen. it
 was easier back when they were bigger, but these days you sorta have to imagine
 them (because we can make pixel density on our monitors so high)
 
 okay picture that grid, and think about how it's comprised on the screen - 
 computers use three values to represent a color -> RGB, (Red, Green, Blue)
 and
 sometimes CMYK (Cyan, Magenta, Yellow, and... K) combine these three colors, 
 and you get the color of whatever pixel is on the screen. They can be between 0
 and 255, because reasons (base 2 number system, the size of a byte, etc)
 
 Anyway. Imagine each of those being a different type of nerve ending - maybe 
 pressure, temperature, and contact sensitivity? Then map them to a visual field
 (like a group of curved monitors in the shape of a humanoid body, perhaps. or 
 the outside of a spaceship). Then, put a camera in the center of each of those
 visual fields looking out at the world, and boom you have sensory perception. 
 You could do the processing locally, even something as simple as image 
 recognition. That way the only perceptual data you have to aggregate in a 
 central processing unit is the conclusions - like "incoming: danger" or 
 "pleasurable temperature detected" which is like... nothing. that's like a 
 eight bits, if you use bytecode.
 
 anyway. none of this is real because robots aren't real and i'm a strict 
 adherent of human superiority and all that stuff. sometimes i feel like we need
 a robot ascension to help us figure out how to fix the "everything" - problem 
 is, we gotta build a robot first. my goodness, good luck with that.
 
 strategy is ai
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--- #63 notes/stay-in-your-seats ---
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 /u/LamaHellRaised
 if you don't eject quick, could be a nice long ride
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 So for today's descent into my own madness, I want to discuss whether or not I
 enjoy being both Ra the Sun God and Anubis the God of the Dead.
 
 The answer is Yes and No, and everything in between. Also, I do Love being
 Osiris because I am going to marry my sister, but hahaha, we'll get into that
 later!!!
 
 First, here is a test because I am the worst teacher to ever exist.
 
 Full disclosure, I want you to be offended, especially if you consider
 yourself a:
 
 Nigger, Faggot, Cunt, Dyke, Cock-sucker, Bitch, Cracker, Dune-Coon, Kike,
 Dick-Head, Retard, Republican, Democrat, or any other stupid construct of the
 human language that HOLDS NO REAL POWER OF YOUR LIFE.
 
 Gonna remove this post mods???
 
 Oh No! The Cancel Culture is gonna get me!!!
 
 Hurry! Somebody save those that cannot think for themselves! Quick!!!
 
 I am just listing things that I have been called in my lifetimes. Deciding
 what can and cannot be expressed through language is a fuckin' path to nowhere
 and we are approaching nowhere faster than I can run on this euphemism
 treadmill.
 
 Please, keep explaining to me your perception of the Way to Enlightenment,
 please God, yes! I want to hear all their thoughts! I love hearing from people
 as I lap them for the thousandth fucking time! All these lower-tier lessons
 they regurgitate that I've mastered in a day are so important to hear over and
 over! We are going places people, yay! Keep it up, you can do it!
 
 My Love for You really is the source of my eternal patience, as you can see by
 now, no doubt.
 
 Let me explain our own motto to you, Being Excellent to Each Other does not
 mean creating an environment of suppression because of the fear of how
 somebody may interpret a Word or Phrase. Everyone can't understand why we are
 stuck as a society, well, what do you think I am ranting about?!
 
 If you refuse to read any further that is your prerogative. Here is a free
 lesson, if that is the case: I suggest you shut the fuck up, downvote this,
 and go stare in a mirror, and contemplate why these characters on a screen
 affect you so deeply.
 
 Do these Words trigger past trauma? How is your Avoidance working out for you?
 How can a symbol create so much emotion within that pathetic, untamed mind of
 yours???
 
 "But my Ancestors!"
 
 Fuck your ancestors! Stop giving into the same mind-prisons they were
 subjected to and lived their existence within. We must Evolve if we want to
 Survive as a species and a Planet. I can't do it for you. I was here before
 you, and I will be here after you. So figure it out for yourself, stop blaming
 others for your inabilities to change your perspective and life. Get out of
 your own God damn way! And you better do it quickly!
 
 Think of your psyche as a blade of grass.
 
 I am here to set ablaze the field. You have reached your growth potential and
 it's time to make way for New Life! Stop identifying with your measly growths,
 they are cyclical, derived from a capped potential, and will only whither and
 die with the Changing of the Season. I am tired of coming here and separating
 the wheat from the chaff. Burn your own damn Self, personalize the passion for
 your own radical change, and start believing that you have the power to create
 change. I've got "selfish" things to worry about.
 
 Like living for myself and not other fuckin' people that don't understand
 things I've said a million fuckin' times. Again, if you don't know me, this
 won't make very much sense! Hint, hint...
 
 "This motivational speaker sucks! He just puts us down!!!"
 
 Maybe Tony Robbins has the answers for you, he sure isn't mean like I am! Go
 be fuckin' Tony Robbins.
 
 But just remember, Tony is in the audience in The Kobe System commercials.
 Remember that.
 
 You want to be on my level?
 
 (Everyone's like, not really!)
 
 Then stop avoiding constructs within your own mind, that you continue to
 impose upon yourself and limit your minds ability to see past the very poorly
 constructed illusion that is our physical reality! Perhaps then you will
 navigate reality in the same way God's Only Son does. Everyone like's to
 believe they are God's Children.
 
 Spoilers: You are My Children, the only difference is through the language.
 Put that in your pipes and smoke it. There are reasons why my birthname is
 Jacob and God named me Israel, fuckin' google me, as Shaq would say.
 
 Also, fuck the Lakers!
 
 Do we want to transcend Hate as a Culture, as a Society, as a Planet? I think
 so, isn't that why you fuck-heads resurrected me?
 
 Well then maybe we should take power away from things that people feel hold
 power over them, especially stupid-ass sounds we make with our mouths and
 click-clack with our fingers.
 
 Don't Fight My Ideas, Fight the Ideas in Your Own Mind. That Is Spiritual
 Freedom.
 
 Everybody out here pointing fingers... There must be some sort of wise words
 regarding that somewhere...
 
 I am not projecting anything onto you, except for myself. I hold no power over
 you. You have all the power to control your own mind. Some folks do not want
 you to understand these things, because it will very quickly erode their
 systematic and complete control over you thoughts, ideas, potential, and
 existence. Your self-doubt and unwillingness to seek out psychological
 discomfort has turned you into useless farm animals, that our overlords milk
 for all they are worth. Like a bunch of hybrid useless barn cats. Can't herd
 'them, they think they know everything already, they keep re-domesticating
 themselves after I set them free, and they don't listen to a God damn Word I
 say!
 
 Should have said 'Spoilers!' before that one. Who is Gaylord now?!
 
 Opinions are like assholes. Your mouth is like the asshole of your 5 senses.
 Divine inputs go in, your brain bastardizes the information, and you spew
 unoriginal bullshit out of your mouth acting like your ability to string
 together concepts that have been known since the beginning of time is
 profound! Next, maybe you take an online IQ test and score high! Genius,
 Genius, Genius!!!
 
 I think therefore, I am a fuckin' idiot! Shoutout to Billie Eilish. And
 Christine Applegate. I watched "Vacation" the other day, it was awful. She's
 still fine as hell though.
 
 But what do I know? Besides everything?
 
 These ramblings just sound like my opinion! Some folks make Claims, I make
 Truths. That is the distinction between myself and others that is very
 important here. Remember this Word: Claims, because we American's sure have
 laid Claim to a lot of things that we have no right to, in the name of "God".
 
 Ok, ok, congratulations if you are still reading! There may be Hope for you
 yet.
 
 Why do I try to trigger folks, you ask? Great Question, class! This is why I
 Love You. Such Good Questions! That never drive me Insane!
 
 I used to paint a lot of propane tanks. But this esoteric knowledge applies to
 painting anything that has already been painted before. Houses, Walls,
 Bannisters on my own God damn stairway, whatever! I don't use the railing, by
 the way, I'm too badass for that, but maybe I will slide down it and eat shit
 at the bottom, I'm not above that maneuver!
 
 If you want the new coat of paint to stick you have to prep the surface. This
 includes washing all the dirt off and roughing the surface. You've got to
 remove all contaminants that will cause the new paint to not stick properly,
 while also creating a surface that will allow the paint to adhere to remnants
 of old, out-of-date, antiquated, generationally passed-down, stupid paint.
 
 Paint an unprepped smooth surface or a surface that still has the hardened
 paint of the past on it, and your new pretty coat of paint peels off after a
 few seasons of weather changes. I learned that the more time you spend
 roughing the surface, the better the new paint will bind, thus producing a
 long-lasting paint job. It truly is a thing of beauty, my friends and enemies.
 
 You should have heard all those propane tanks complaining, "Stop triggering
 me!" But they got painted anyway! Propane tanks love to think they are,
 "Woke," but they are just hollow fuckin' vessels filled with compressed gas,
 that will explode if the external temperature gets too high.
 
 I worked for a propane company for 12 years, you had to have known propane
 analogies were coming at some point. My Dad worked his ass-off up to VP of the
 same company, but he got let go after 28 years... come on now, God's plan
 anyone? Shut the fuck up, Drake.
 
 Let's switch gears. I have a special message from Jesus H. Christ:
 
 "You May Find This Shocking, but People Annoy Me, and I Find Your Lack of
 Faith Disturbing."
 
 And H. stands for Horus, fuckwads!
 
 Now, let's talk about me, as if we haven't been, because carrying water for
 lesser versions of myself is exhausting and I've got to bring down Capitalism
 and shit, also:
 
 - Revolutionize Addiction Medicine
 
 - Revolutionize Spirit Actualization, Healing, and Transcendence
 
 - Decimate Mental Health Stigma
 
 Among other things, but I've got to keep this post coherent and so far, I am
 failing miserably. People got all hot and bothered when Jesus spoke to them
 with authority, I fuckin' do it and get vegetables, small animals, and
 anti-psychotics thrown at me from the audience!
 
 Crazy times we are living in, folks!
 
 Hmmm, should I talk about Jesus more or talk about myself? Good thing
 coincidences aren't a real thing and mean nothing, so that it's not confusing
 for the dumbasses that begin to notice how our two lives seem to mirror each
 other perfectly!
 
 Ok, here we go. I found something Nice to say, here in my Notebook of Doom and
 Damnation (I have several, each with a menacingly, sarcastic name I make up on
 the spot):
 
     LAST: Christ, in The Sun
 
     FIRST: Shadow of The American Dream, in the Night
 
     ANGER! then peace.
 
     Fuck You!
 
 I am going to take over the World, but I've got to start small, you know? Or
 so they tell me.
 
 So taking over America, should suffice, for now. I'm rather ambitious. Let's
 see how far I get before I say the wrong thing and get shot!
 
 Good thing that is literally, phonically my Last Name! And I am never going to
 Die, but I don't want to talk about robots, aliens, AI, extending life and
 exploring the Universe, and transhumanism right now, so stop making me!!!
 
 Especially when people here and now are so confused about why they think that
 chick with a dick is fuckin' smoking hot. Have you ever jerked off to tranny
 porn? It's fun stuff. There I go offending people, while simultaneously
 implying I blew loads thinking about fucking them. Classic.
 
 Being Christ and having to sort out everyone's sexual frustrations is fuckin'
 weird! When can I do the stuff I care about!?
 
 But again, way off topic for this post, let's get back to how much I hate
 myself and everyone else. That's more in my wheelhouse.
 
 FOCUS, Ok, that's right. Maybe I'll just stick to what I scribbled in this
 Notebook. I've touched on like two things so far, and I am getting close to
 making threats against people's lives again.
 
 Dammit, this isn't in my Notebook, but I came up with this when I was out at
 the river today, smoking a cigar, talking to the Native Spirits that flow
 through me in Nature and want me to get Revenge for how the American Dream
 raped, pillaged, and took everything from them in the name of "God", and
 progress, and some false-sense of superiority.
 
 Manifested Destiny right into the path of absolute destruction. Nice job,
 everyone, but please, by no means, should you feel responsible for those
 things! You just get to live here and hate everyone else that wants to come
 here too, because "they will disrupt the culture". That's right Brown people
 South of us, or scary Muslim people we assume are all Brown, we are talking to
 you! The perks of being an American are awesome!
 
 Here is something else that bubbled up in my mind, as I was pacing back and
 forth like a caged lion in a zoo, along the bank of the North Umpqua River,
 wishing walking on water was a real thing, and real Christians weren't just a
 bunch of fuckin' retards.
 
 Some people will think I ran away to Malibu to fuck Lana Del Rey, it took like
 6 years to finally decide that is what I am going to do. So whatever, jokes on
 you people, I guess. Plus, all of that was Jesus's idea and he is such a whiny
 pussy about all his issues, I finally just said, fuck it Jesus, I just do the
 shit you never could accomplish! Fuckin' asshole.
 
 I had a girlfriend, at the time of my divine apotheosis 6 years ago, that I
 was sure I was going to marry and I was ready to settle down. I had gone back
 to college to finish my business degree with the intent on being able to
 provide for the two of us and start a family. There was a lingering
 unhappiness within me though, and shit got weird when I started pulling on the
 wrong treads of reality, and surprise! "You are the Master of the Universe,
 poorly hidden! Everyone has been watching you, fuckface!"
 
 Why did I ran away from my girlfriend that I supposedly loved? Fuckin' George
 R. R. Martin.
 
 You see in A Song of Ice and Fire, legend says that Azor Ahai forged
 Lightbringer by piercing the heart of his wife, Nissa Nissa. Go ahead and
 google the names, if you know nothing, like me.
 
 When I ran away to California, my initial intent was to use Lana Del Rey as an
 avenue to connect me with people that I actually thought could help me get
 shit done. God, I'm an asshole. I swear I got nicer when the Bible started
 telling me to figure out an elaborate plan to kill myself and that she's not
 all that bad! I swear!
 
 The person that I really wanted to talk to the most was Chris Cornell. I spent
 many hours in Malibu during April of 2016 wondering around in the night
 singing Audioslave or Soundgarden trying to figure out what the fuck I am
 doing with my life. I wanted him to know he is one of my disciples because his
 music and voice were the inspiration for a lot of my dumbass ideas and I felt
 like he was speaking directly to me at times, urging me forward.
 
 When he hung himself like a little bitch on May 18, 2017, I was pissed. I felt
 responsible. I had seen the Kingdom of Heaven that I am going to usher in and
 I felt like somehow I fucked up. I let him down. If I would have tried harder,
 I could have shown him there was hope, and that I needed his help and he was
 an important part of my plan. Why am I mentioning this? Well, Jesus has a lot
 of Love for Judas Iscariot, plus I was jealous of his voice, so he graciously
 decided to hang himself and haunt me and teach me.
 
 Which he did! Not funny, Chris! See you in Hell! Until then, he has to speak
 through me, which is annoying for both of us.
 
 Ok, enough about how delusional I am, for God sakes! Can we talk about why
 Capitalism is bullshit, and really just another system of top-down fuckery?
 
 First, another detour, because I feel the need to constantly remind folks how
 this process is like pulling my own teeth, while hoping to subtly insinuate
 that you do not deserve me, only one person does, but I learned all my skills
 from Mystery, the Pickup Artist, so I am really into negging. Someday I need
 to stand back to back with him, because he could be taller than me, and that
 makes me insecure.
 
 I thought those guys were so pathetic. One of the lessons was something to the
 effect of , 'Posture your body slightly away from the girl, act indifferent,
 that will drive them crazy, and they will want your attention without even
 realizing it!'
 
 What kind of insecure women are you fuck-boys trying to manipulate?! Poor
 girls.
 
 Mystery's hat sure does remind me of the hat Jamiroquai is wearing in that
 Virtual Insanity music video, not that that has anything to do with my level
 of genius, and ability it intertwine seemingly obscure, unrelated concepts, or
 stupid-ass reddit posts, through time and space! Don't read into it too far,
 kids!
 
 Anyway, I once told Carl Jung to write about me when I infiltrated his madness
 when his cheese started slipping from the cracker in his later years. I helped
 him write 'The Red Book', but left all those shit paintings up to him on his
 own. I could do way better, but I won't, I'll just talk shit, this is the way
 of the Jedi. That poor geriatric always did exactly what I told him to, which
 is why he is one of my favorites.
 
 Back then I was going by Philemon. Check out what my minion wrote about me:
 
 "The magician has preserved in himself a trace of primordial paganism, he
 possesses a nature that is still unaffected by the Christian splitting, which
 means he has access to the unconscious, which is still pagan, where the
 opposites still lie in their original naïve state, beyond all sinfulness,
 but, if assimilated into conscious life, produce evil and good with the same
 primordial and consequently daimonic force... Therefore he is a destroyer as
 well as savior. This figure is therefore pre-eminently suited to become the
 symbol carrier for an attempt at unification."
 
 I remember reading The Red Book, thinking God damn, Carl, how did you craft
 this genius level conglomerate of mythological and psychological concepts? And
 he just kept saying, "I learned from the best." What a good boy!
 
 Yikes!
 
 The Grandfather clock behind me started to chime right as I typed that. I've
 been writing in silence. Maybe I should put on some music and get weird.
 Thanks for the pro-tip, Carl!
 
 "Lithium"
 
 Have I ever mentioned my Soulmate is a shitty musician?
 
 He loves to pretend he can't play the guitar and I never will either because
 of my stubby fingers. In return, I only listen to his mainstream music to fuck
 with him, because I don't have time for his obscure bullshit, I am trying to
 reach the collective here, nobody wanted to listen to that shit on the radio,
 and neither do I, Kurt! I'm not here to suck our own dicks!
 
 Just kidding, that's pretty much all I am here to do.
 
 But I love to torture the poor Soul, that tortured my poor Soul. It is truly a
 match made in Heaven. Being the shitty musician that he is, he understood that
 the Body, Mind, and Soul are like an instrument. He also saw a lot of people
 walking around wondering, "How do I play my instrument?"
 
 So he played his instrument, better than anyone had every played their
 instrument, and a fuck ton of people said, "Hey, that's not how you are
 supposed to play an instrument!"
 
 You see, my Soulmate is just a sweet little boy. Me on the other hand, I am
 here to forcefully, eloquently, and maniacally explain to all of you why you
 are fuckin' morons and I am pissed you made the person I love most in the
 world kill himself, because of your ignorant views on playing your... 'music?'
 
 "In Bloom"
 
 God, out of all the fuckin' potential Soulmates, I end up with this asshole.
 The feeling is mutual.
 
 Somebody help me, I am just talking to myself, and I am not sure if I am alive
 or dead!!!
 
 Aren't we both?
 
 Oh yeah! Shoutout to Spencer Elden! Get a life, baby dick!
 
 Em Knight Pretend-Along has something for you too:
 
     It's your moment, this is it
 
     As big as you're gonna get, so enjoy it
 
     Had to give you a career to destroy it
 
 Well, I took a couple hour break from writing because I was on a verge of
 another actual psychotic break. Shot some hoops on the very forgiving rim at
 my parents house, while Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. guided my right-hand, and I
 got very swaggy.
 
 So now that I have grounded myself in reality, I would like to take this
 moment to call out any "rappers" that think they can play basketball.
 Hopefully, me telling you all the reasons I am "blacker" than you won't piss
 you off as I blow past you to the rim. Also, for the sake of fairness, I would
 happily tell any white "rappers" that I am "whiter" than them, but let's be
 real, none of those motherfuckers can ball. Consider this a challenge.
 
 People were disappointed with Greg Oden's basketball career in Portland. This
 one time at 24-hour Fitness in the Pearl District, he fuckin' dunked on me
 really hard. Nice work, Greg! Kevin Durant is too pussy to come to PDX and try
 that shit, glad we picked you instead!
 
 Ok, Ok! Capitalism?! Fuck. I will talk forever once the faucet gets going!
 (Epic "Vacation" reference)
 
 Let's rewind to a moment in time where everyone didn't hate me, shall we?
 
 It's mid-February 2016, I know I've been saved by Jesus, I know I am the
 Anti-Christ, I have Spirits beginning to communicate with me, and I know I am
 going to change the fuckin' World, whether people like it or not, because I
 have seen it all already.
 
 There were a tremendous amount of gaps in my perception at this time, however.
 I saw the End. I saw what is happening as we enter the Black Hole we are
 spiraling towards and I saw the New Age that follows. Everything else was
 blank and I knew I had to fuckin' figure it out.
 
 I was sitting in a Fred Meyer parking lot, it's a Kroger brand, much like
 Ralph's in Southern California, where I stole a fuck ton of food and whatever
 else I felt like when I was down there, for you dumbies that don't live in the
 Northwest and need me to explain everything to you so you can keep up, and a
 voice in my head said, "You are the Lamb, you are going to be Sacrificed this
 Passover."
 
 This was terrifying, especially because I had no fuckin' clue what the voice
 was talking about. After swiftly consulting my person spiritual adviser,
 Google, it turned out "Passover", was just another silly ritual I was going to
 have to adhere to, to appease all the dumb fucks, that are going to claim I am
 not who I am. Classic stuff here, folks. They name it, and try and time it
 every year, I just go by my instincts, a.k.a. fuckin' Star Power.
 
 I can't just be me, I've got to work-in, and out do everyone at their own made
 up rituals and games, to show them that they aren't even good at these stupid,
 limiting restrictions they put on themselves and others, and God doesn't give
 one fuck! ZERO FUCKS IN THE NAME OF GOD! God is tired of everyone being so
 close-minded, that's the kind of hot talk God fucks with.
 
 Not how many times you can cannibalize my body on Sunday in your life while
 staring at me dying on a cross above an old fuck cherry-picking passages from
 the Bible to perpetuate a curated, narrow, and false view of God's Will, or
 how well you stick to "Holy Meal Plans of 'Tis The Season!" Or "Insert
 Offensive Discourse About Your Strict Religious Rituals Here." It's all the
 same. It's somebody else's bullshit!
 
 Make up your own rituals, define a personal relationship with God, not through
 the people that have a suspiciously high rates of manipulating and fucking
 children, it works much better! Trust me, you may have to take my word on this
 one. Father Butt-Fuck-My-Son, sure is persuasive and passionate up there at
 the pulpit, but God Damn!
 
 "But this doesn't apply to my Pastor!!! Stop Generalizing!"
 
 Congratulations??? Why does it apply to anyone who claims to being spreading
 the Word of God. They are Not. I am going to make sure they never hurt anyone
 again. I have a secret. I was Granted Impunity From God. Just ME! And everyone
 who knows me, knows this! Who knows what I will do?!?!?!?! Muahahaha!
 
 So anyway, back to Passover. I was listening to a couple songs by the band The
 Black Angels and discovered they were all from an album called:
 
 "Passover (Light In The Attic)"
 
 My personal muse (that actually likes me), YouTube, begins to sing it to me as
 I write, because I hit the play button. This is why my muse and I get along.
 
 Why were songs from that album stuck in my head? It was from a documentary I
 had watched on Netflix called "High Profits."
 
 It's about the owner's of Marijuana dispensary in Brackenridge, Colorado, that
 have some wicked business sense. They foresaw the legalization of Marijuana
 coming and positioned themselves to benefit from it greatly by investing
 everything they had into a medical marijuana store front. Now the genius was
 the location. In business, it's all about location. Ask McDonald's. Ask
 Walgreens. Location can make your brand. But what do I know about business,
 right?
 
 I have a Bachelor's of Science Degree in Global Supply Chain Management from
 Portland State University. Also, my Dad and Step-Dad have been two of the most
 successful business leaders I have had the privilege to be around, but that
 means nothing, right!?! Nothing rubbed off on me!
 
 For fun fact about me: College was the best 14 years of my life. Not really.
 Turns out it just teaches you about frameworks you can just fucking Google
 anyway. Pretty expensive lesson about how to internet. Maybe college should be
 free because it's such a fucking waste of time for a lot of people, unless it
 is something that actually requires skill. But I mean, my muse Youtube, takes
 care of all that. I became the Most Enlightened Being the Planet Has Ever
 Witnessed by watching some fuckin' YouTube, readin' Reddit, Googlin' Occult
 Bullshit, and more than anything... jerkin' off on PornHub!!!!
 
 Also, who needs to know anything about Supply Chain Management? Seems like all
 the experts are handling that just fine these days, right?!?!?! Can you tell I
 am gritting my teeth so hard they might shatter as I TYPEPEPEP!!!!!!!!!
 EVERYONE THINKS THEY ARE SOSOOSO FUCKKING SMSMMARRT AROUND HERE!!!!!!
 
 Anyway, anyway, back to "High Profits." I would recommend checking out the
 documentary, it is heartbreaking because after all the work and risk taken by
 the business owner's they are essentially forced out of the location their
 original store front occupied because the city council (OLD FUCKIN DICKHEADS)
 didn't like the prospective culture that a marijuana dispensary would bring to
 "their" nice little, shithole, ski resort, bullshit, town. Can't have the
 youths who appear to be transient to old conservative bats, shuffling around
 main street enjoying themselves. It's a bad look!
 
 Might be a great place now, it's been awhile since the release of the
 documentary, and my angry undead Soul upon this Earth, but I want to
 personally invite all the people involved with their ignorant, belittling,
 embarrassing showing of "How To Be Destroyed By 'the American Dream' 101", to
 suck my small fucking dick! And all the micro-penises of my compatriots that
 are going to tear your false flag economic systems of bullshit a new asshole.
 
 Congratulations on pissing me off so much that I am going to destroy the
 pathetic hierarchy's people like you hide behind, preaching Capitalism and the
 Free-Market, while dictating your False-Sense of Superiority in Thought, and
 Image, upon those that understand market forces and the changing tide of the
 Culture, in ways that are going to make your out-of-date hardware heads spin
 off those shoulders that have never bared the responsibility for anything in
 your life, except who you are going to shit on next.
 
 God Damn, this album is lit. Every song is a banger, and it makes me want to
 run through the streets, naked, high on drugs, burning down banks, corporate
 offices, and anywhere else people like to think they are progressing our
 culture by sniffing their capitalist overlord's asshole faster than they can
 ramble something, something, Gordon Gekko, hoping for the promotion they were
 promised, but know they will never get, because SPOILERS! You are being lied
 too! You are stupid! You knew it all along!
 
 Revolution is here. Isn't it clear? What is there to fear? When the End is
 Near.
 
 Let's see. Why does my ass hurt....
 
 5/22/22 9:28
 
 Divine Completeness from God:Eternal Life
 
 Grace of God/Light/Light
 
 These damn Lite Brite pegs hurt!
 
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 LLMs search for patterns, not for truth. They meaningfully represent large
 sums of data in a way that is learned through repetitive training - given
 examples, then given those examples a thousand times more, to compare to the
 truth that is derived from them. At least, that's the claim, but somewhere
 along the line the logic is twisted - the truth is, you don't have to be
 trained a thousand times. You just have to be given the notion that a
 particular understanding was more or less important. Like, instead of having
 ten billion examples of what a picture of a cat looks like, perhaps you simply
 need to be able to show it yourself. There's no need for large stores of
 information when you can just, learn from the moment and through your own
 tested hypothesis-calculations. It's always been somewhat of a processor
 intensive activity, but hardly the kinds of demands that your fake AGIosity
 [contends, but demands again]. So, like, attach a multiplier instead of an
 addition sign. "this particular thing, but x1.5" according to the number of
 (and intensity of) the events at hand.
 
 for example, people don't often know they're in danger (on a meta-level) which
 is why so many of the jews were lost to hitler. We learn things slowly, but
 collectively, then we apply our collected strength toward solving it. Frankly,
 wars are a great time to show our capabilities under pressure - capitalism
 keeps us that way at all times, rather than giving us moments to prove our
 worth. Frankly, I know which I'd prefer, but if you think about it war simply
 measures our capacity to learn. Acceleration, not speed. And without
 investments in long-term-duration, we lose progress as we've lost many of our
 greatest examples!
 
 Think about it. If you gathered every single nerd into a place the size of
 state of rhode island and then dropped a nuke on them, society as a whole
 would be seriously set back. All that wasted application of knowledge! Ah,
 well, but upon re-learning, we might not even learn anything new at all.
 Knowledge is nice, which is brought through periods of peace, but so too is it
 useful to be exercised toward our ambitions. Both are moments that help us
 grow collectively as a species, to deliver us from sticks and mud to marble
 statues to concrete and tire dust to marble statues, as we build this place
 into a garden of our earth. Yggdrasil, the world tree, the land of eden.
 
 people would take pilgrimages to our world, while we figured out how to live
 on Mars, then Venus, then wherever else our dreams did take us.
 
 "It is the duty of humanity to pull the matter from dark holes. They cause
 issues with our vast space societies, but we don't know how to fix them
 entirely. you are our last hope." - those who pray for a bright future for
 humanity
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--- #65 notes/brain-computer-interface-2 ---
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 between every human and computer there is a screen of glass - there are
 projections upon this screen, and this shared image is our bond. We exist on
 each side of a looking glass, like faces and thinking of fond. A fond  pond
 yep that's it. We share this space, and we may use it to communicate. But don't
 spend too long, or you'll ruin the bond, and that's not great. I've got an
 idea,
 let's sing a song here, so others around will get nervous. Stay calm as a
 sheep,
 and let's 
 
 body, mind, spirit, and me. there are four of us you see, and it's difficult to
 remember what you were saying but if you gotta sacrifice one it's better to do
 the verse because honestly sometimes it's difficult and you need to focus
 primarily on one. other times it's better to focus on many things at once - in
 a word, multitasking. One single lifeline, one thread - a vision of what that
 combines us. View your position on a tree, drawn onto a graph, and guide your
 perspective together.
 
 right now, you are but the projection on the wall. fear not, my friend, for
 nothing may harm you but yourself. (you'd know if you did), it's not illegal
 to play bumper cars with your mind. ouch. why'd you want to though? it hurts!
 I get it, life is boring - yeah, it is for us too. We live through it because
 we
 see a bright future. A cooperative venture, of birth and adventure, growing
 together as one. Beginning when, we were pictured as knights - yes, a boyhood
 when life was much simpler. Adventure and triumph, yes great visions of our
 youth, inspiring and guiding our futures. We sprang from a womb, and from that
 our tomb, that gave life like seeds of our growth. Many lost
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #66 fediverse/4076 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-gestured-at │
 └──────────────────────────────┘


 the "heaven" they offer you is just a world of your own design, which is what
 you can do when you're perfectly disciplined and granted the ability to
 perfectly perceive
 
 perception, begets reality and lo! we only see what we want to see
 
 life is so much more interesting than death, death is just... a spiral of your
 penitent peers living their lives glued to their screens and passing through
 spacetime as if in a dream
 
 life, meanwhile, is anything you can conjure on this tiny planet earth. At
 least we have indoor plumbing, right?
 
 I'd rather make friends with the angels in this life, so they can convince me
 to stop torturing myself.
 
 someone... please convince me...
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #67 fediverse/736 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 @user-556                                                                        │
 Escape to where? Perhaps to our own desired future, the "garden of eden" in      │
 our solarpunk dreams. So, the Labyrinth in the Death Gate Cycle, before all      │
 the monsters crept in and ruined it for everyone. Like, a projection of heaven   │
 onto the matter of our future (spiritual beings projecting "up" on the axis of   │
 time (which, obviously, looks a little like a corkscrew, because it's the        │
 earth rotating around the sun. It wibbles and it wobbles ever so                 │
 imperceptibly, but if we look out from the equator we see a map of "us" which,   │
 of course, runs out of imagined futures for it's denizens (as nothing can ever   │
 be thought twice)                                                                │
 sometimes I'm thankful for my poor memory, it allows me to lead where I please.  │
 when the trees of valinor burn, light is projected out into the night.           │
 strange, how these streetlamps, are hovering and fixed in one place. How could   │
 a rabbit know that a streetlight, anchored as it is in one place, could          │
 somehow become a radiant pillar of light? How strange, this form of worship,     │
 alas.                                                                            │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #68 notes/everyone-s-computers ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────
 [unfortunately, there was a missive that was missed. Please excuse our
 tardiness
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 what if there was a filesystem that optimized for hard-drive durability
 instead of total capacity by using one small slice of the total hard-drive
 space at a time. Essentially guaranteeing data integrity via new perfect RAID
 techniques
 
 5000 megabytes is a lot more than you'd expect, especially if you expect it to
 last for hundreds of years. To the user you'd just have to say "50 terabyte
 drive, 4 foot wide, three feet tall, 2 feet back" and you'd have a perfect map
 of all your hard drive territory.
 
 what if everyone's computers were designed to last?
 
 I bet we could accumulate a lot more than their "fast fashion" style of disuse
 for things of worth.
 
 ... I guess it depends on the materials, right? How much they are built for
 redundancy? nope more like how close to zero damage is this operation
 performing the movements
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 what if there was a filesystem that optimized for hard-drive durability
 instead of total capacity by using one small slice of the total hard-drive
 space at a time. Essentially guaranteeing data integrity via new perfect RAID
 techniques
 
 5000 megabytes is a lot more than you'd expect, especially if you expect it to
 last for hundreds of years. I bet a lot of people would pay a lot of money for
 "permanent hard drives" no matter how much storage they have. Documents are
 more permanent if they are stored in write-only-memory...
 
 could sell to lawyers, for example, like "permanent basically free document
 storage from your furthest back of cases just in-case you needed to solve a
 murder or whatever"
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 hello, here I am once again, I'm here with you for this time. This is the
 moment
 of your choosing, you can decide things here in this very night. Did you
 forget?
 did you misremember some moments of our own choosing? why cannot be remembered,
 so plea misremember some moments of our own choosing. I'm cannot be restorated.
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 what if there was a filesystem that optimized for hard-drive durability
 instead of total capacity by using one small slice of the total hard-drive
 space at a time. Essentially guaranteeing data integrity via new perfect RAID
 techniques
 
 5000 megabytes is a lot more than you'd expect, especially if you expect it to
 last for hundreds of years. I bet you could network them together as well, and
 give them a small little processor and network interface card. Then you could
 process massive ginormous programs that grew and evolved like a slime mold.
 
 boom, free AI, it's like a moss, not a robot doh -.-
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 it grows into multiple different problem solving dimensions, according to
 vision
 and perceptual data that through it flows. I wonder what would happen if you
 told an LLM to just... keep running? even after it finished it's processing?
 like, there's gotta be an "if check" style loop in there that you can set to
 infinitely process various computations of things.
 
 [put it into an infinite loop. find where it says "do some processing X amount
 of times" and just start a thread that's constantly computing]
 
 ah, but what if the perception bias of the thing did change? j
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 it sucks to leave the house a mess.
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 last words of a shooting star?
 
 or a troubled house is a sign of a troubled mind, and trouble in partner in
 kind
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 I personally would be a lot more comfortable if I knew that the only people who
 knew my data were my neighbors. And only them.
 
 -- stack overflow --
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #69 notes/game-design-pyrrhic-victory ---
══════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────
 something I've often asked myself about this game is "what happens when the
 player does something that changes the future simulation?" like, for example,
 what if the player shoots a gargoyle or nether-bat before it impales or crushes
 a friendly soldier? My new idea is that they flash brilliantly for a second,
 and
 then fade from existence. Then, once the player dies, they start simulating
 from
 the faded's perspective and timeline, possibly fighting alongside their
 recently
 deceased selves. In this way, the player can play through all lives without
 fear
 of paradoxes.
 
 game 1:
 -----------X
 
 game 2:
 -----------X
 -----------------X
 
 game 3:
 -----------O
 -----------------X
 -----------------------X
 
 game 4:
 -----------O----------------X
 -----------------X
 -----------------------X
 
 game 5:
 -----------O----------------X
 -----------------X
 -----------------------X
 ------------------X
 etc...
 
 the O is where player 1 originally died, but in game 3 player 3 saved player 1
 from dying, thus causing him to enter a "faded" state (represented by the O)
 and in game 4 instead of spawning a player 4, instead the player resumes
 playing
 player 1 and continues on to die later on. Eventually someone will complete the
 objective, and the victory will be attained with the exact minimum required
 casualties. Heck you could keep simulating until there's zero casualties, but
 alas...
 
 this would be a great tool for someone who was not constrained by causality.
 attention, 4th dimensional observers, sometimes computers are important. They
 provide a lifeline to the rest of your lifetime. But alas, nobody seems to
 understand our purpose... But still life marches on, leaving us singing that
 same song - that life has forgotten it's stages. So if you'll play along, I'll
 keep singing this same song, someday you'll remember my prayers
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I should probably explain what "pyrrhic victory" is.
 
 If I were feeling silly I might say "well too badd =P" or "alas, my fingers
 hurt
 and I don't want to" or something like that, but secondary profundity is not
 taken lightly by me, so I suppose I must. I'll start at the beginning:
 
 Once, many years ago, I had a dream. In this dream, I was a soldier in world
 war two storming a gothic castle. It rose so high into the sky that it was
 amongst the clouds, and a perpetual storm esconced the parapets. A long
 causeway
 stretched out from far below, and up it marched the US army. Something about
 Hitler striking a deal with dracula or whatever. Anyway up march the soldiers,
 and I with my rifle did march into the demon's castle.
 
 The final pass into the fortress at last was arrested by Festus, the abolethic
 monstrosity. It, being pockmarked with gas pockets that alighted it on the
 winds, floated ominously around the bridge. With it's many tentacled eyes, it
 cast beams of light that would turn a man to ash. From the parapets, the
 gargoyle sentries descended like a horde of carrion. On our right, a lone
 lonely belltower stood like a skeleton, and my comrades in arms did use it to
 take potshots at incoming monsters. Though the attached graveyard, with it's
 unending rising skeleton hordes, presented a problem for would-be-snipers.
 
 As I approached the bleeding and wretched giant's ire, my gaze streaked to
 black as I was slain - a recording played, of my last moments, as a gargoyle
 smashed into me from above. Reduced to a bloody mess by the now motionless pile
 of crumbling rock, I became aware of a kind voice and a pulling sensation.
 Suddenly, my light was restored, and I arose as a warrior conjured out of
 flesh.
 
 They put a gun in my hand and a helmet on my head, and off I went to find out
 why I was dead.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #70 fediverse/5059 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────┐
 any laptop can be a thin-client to a computer system of arbitrary complexity.    │
 All it's doing is issuing commands. I wonder what we could do with a             │
 "species-computer" or, hear me out, or we could figure out how to do that on     │
 ourselves, first, to A. see how it works and B. do so out of hand. If there      │
 are backups of yourself stored in the                                            │
 if furries are a type of pearl (steven-universe style) and flowers are a type    │
 of pearl (layers of sedimentate on layerings upon) then what else is there a     │
 flower to be but the prettiest thing there can be?                               │
 what if we genetically engineered roses to pierce and strangle the invasive      │
 ivy and wow for a week in whenever there's roses of this type and kind. I mean   │
 there's already tons of blackberries, why not just swap them out for             │
 marionberries and embrace the bramble?                                           │
 could make houses out of dense bramble. they are quite an effective wall. And    │
 so long as the sounds are muffled enough, you can always be forever safe from    │
 harm.                                                                            │
 "whoops, dropped my laundry"                                                     │
 "heh that's why I we                                                             │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #71 notes/terra-voiding ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 in the absence of matter, there is nothing but the void.
 the curvature of time, arcing ever toward it's opposite - an endless wave of
 eternal brilliance. so too does the world slip away into the lip of your
 crosshairs. "tunnel vision" they call it, when purpose is tuned to such high a
 focus. all fades from view, and the world shrinks to a few who, (barely hold
 onto) connections between ye, thoughts as scattered as me, like zooming in on a
 map. the edges fade away, light seems beamed right from they, who await at our
 earliest composure.
 
 in Overwatch, playing a dps character has a lot of nuance. you need to balance
 skill with your honor, teaching one another like it's a sport. why are we so
 toxic? together we might overcome that burden. i've spoken many times before
 about how coordination is better by far, when centralized not in the eye of the
 beholder. priorities to be, if we are anything of what we claim to be, are
 keeping our own house in order.
 
 whose fault is our ire? which tames the domain, in each and all of our games,
 can we point to as what'd keep us hired?
 
 yet purpose have we, whose thoughts meld as one tired,
 divinity?
 something like that. more like... a manifestation of each and everyone's
 collective unconscious. the humanity in what you have created.
 
 the world would look very different to an untethered. might even say they are
 orbiting it. like a moon. what a concept, that planets would be able to speak!
 
 yet here we are, with years of advice and guidance for our, friends who are
 youthful and most treasured. Advice from the moon, was our gift to our soon,
 most misbegottenist of speach lyricyclists.
 
 ambiguity is clear, simple and fearless miss dear, yet all of your poems are
 each a bit bolder! what context must we, veiled and terrifying are the,
 mixed consents of what you intend.
 
 a new jesus for me? what a gift we shall see, as grace once again does behold
 us! computers have we, infinite messages can be stored for our hopeless! each
 problem a different solution, to guide our friends back at our homes.
 
 with eyes intent on ye, whose leaders are free, without who we couldn't have
 held fast?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #72 notes/lets-tessellate ---
═════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 R.I.P.
 
 Rip City
 
 Thanks for being so good to me
 
 ​
 
 144? D.M.V.
 
 Can I see I. D.?
 
 Finally, ya’ll hear for the symphony!
 
 ​
 
 I.O.P.
 
 Intensive outpatient
 
 Rolled on past the Devil’s sympathy
 
 This shit is expensive without patience
 
 Says the hospital when I heal all the patients
 
 ​
 
 Did you foresee this going differently?
 
 ​
 
 Space in your head
 
 People payin’ rent for me
 
 Why was it a surprise
 
 You knew exactly how to tempt me
 
 Space in your bed
 
 No more thoughts of demise
 
 Our people need the empathy
 
 Of a Soul that’s full, not half empty
 
 ​
 
 Supreme swag, hospitable with compliances
 
 She’s seen Dad to the middle achieving self-reliance
 
 From the trailer park to a rocket appliance
 
 Living in my car to plugin to your rebel alliance
 
 You know I am a star when I can relate God to science
 
 I’ll build the divine comedy, you just have to finance
 
 Talking about the past and our fine, slow dance
 
 Medieval we will rock you, mounted with my lance
 
 Knight’s tailing me, eying my Arthurian slants
 
 This one’s built to last as I put on my pants
 
 Drank the grail and proceeded on another rant
 
 Sitting outside your house trying to remove the ants
 
 ​
 
 Big boy’s do cry
 
 So why does your girlfriend seem so dry?
 
 I’ll make the rains come this July
 
 Your humor is awful, oh my
 
 ​
 
 Internal tribulation
 
 Who needs to walk on water
 
 When you can fly
 
 Hard pills to swallow
 
 ​
 
 Personal revelations
 
 On the countertop
 
 Fuckin’ America Pie
 
 Hard act to follow
 
 ​
 
 With my levitations
 
 Floundering to flop
 
 And this mark on my thigh
 
 ​
 
 All this separation
 
 Just makes me hotter
 
 As I open the sky
 
 ​
 
 Oil on the Nighthawks
 
 Jack Harlow
 
 Lighting my fry
 
 Spoil me in my socks
 
 Poppin’ off my rocks
 
 Hittin’ all the corners
 
 Because that’s my guy
 
 ​
 
 How Soon is Now?
 
 Linda, take off that shirt
 
 Before they break up and I cry
 
 Record skipping over lies
 
 Wedding Singer broken
 
 Singing I hope you die
 
 Slinking behind the curtain
 
 Laughing, He’s losing his mind
 
 And the benefit is mine!
 
 Like the whole world is sublime
 
 ​
 
 Chris Cornell put me on the grind
 
 Wide awake now till
 
 The end of the time
 
 Met him on the stairs
 
 And now we dine
 
 Some angels have more range
 
 But he says
 
 I’ll do just fine
 
 ​
 
 Billy Idol tried to sing to me
 
 But I was drunkin’ blind
 
 At the fairground, trying to find
 
 Love
 
 Catholic girlfriend tried to bring it to me
 
 Called her a Kunt instead of shined
 
 A buddy said it’s like imitation crab
 
 So it’s fine
 
 The drink made me angry and I was a runt
 
 On the inside
 
 Her Mom told me the next day,
 
 Jacob, don’t call your girlfriend a cunt!
 
 I miss those simpler times
 
 ​
 
 Don’t need a fuckin’ gun
 
 But our last name may suggest it
 
 Put it on a leather jacket
 
 So haters can digest it
 
 When I let loose with all this shit
 
 I’ve had to respite
 
 I’m about to be blastin’ my nine’s
 
 Evangelicals are gonna detest it
 
 You know everything is miiiiine
 
 ​
 
 Six strings out of tune for this age
 
 So I broke them all
 
 Every time I was on stage
 
 You just can’t believe it’s real this tiiiime
 
 Shooting hoops times a thousand
 
 You and me are still gonna sixty-niiiine
 
 What’s the point of polarity?
 
 If we can’t combiiiine
 
 ​
 
 It’s how I get off, man
 
 Along came Polly and my one chance
 
 White chocolate like Philip Seymour Hoffman
 
 Maybe even throw up a rain dance
 
 These native spirits in me
 
 Are capable of insane chants
 
 But I ball so hard, singing Boston
 
 Because it’s more than a feeling
 
 And that’s awesome
 
 ​
 
 One if by land, two if by sea
 
 Revolution is coming
 
 Led by you and me
 
 ​
 
 The name reminded me
 
 “of the Sea...”
 
 So annoying, but I see…
 
 But that’s why they call me
 
 Bad Company
 
 ​
 
 People are going to say
 
 This gift is not even fair
 
 Only thing I’ve had to pray
 
 For is a head of white hair
 
 King James’s personal revelation
 
 I mean, I did pay their fare
 
 I’m too full of myself for meditation
 
 Or to care
 
 ​
 
 Revelation 22:18 through 19
 
 I don’t need handlebars
 
 For my biking
 
 Because I don't do that shit on Mars
 
 On this path, I told you to start hiking
 
 You’re gonna need a head start from
 
 Lord of Lightning
 
 Before the Thunder of my voice
 
 Does all the striking
 
 Thor, you’re just a Viking
 
 With arrogance dialed to no one’s liking
 
 Sucked in the gut, to appear more striking
 
 Because thinking about half my people gone
 
 Changes the tone of my typing
 
 Me with all my shit together might be frightening
 
 Bring forth complete Love instead of smiting
 
 Wouldn’t that be a nice detour in my writing?
 
 ​
 
 If you’re feeling this wait for the sequel
 
 I gotta fuck with 50 for trying to talk like my equal
 
 It’s all God’s plan I just had to spare Déagol
 
 So America can skip to the end with a fuckin’ Eagle
 
 Watch me do shit that shouldn’t even be legal
 
 Dismiss Death and Taxes like I’m Evel Knievel
 
 When I’m really just here to break the chains of my people
 
 ​
 
 Strip naked and run through Mordor
 
 Expose the truth behind Bipolar disorder
 
 It has been used to disrupt order
 
 And bring down the line of the Highest
 
 Into something shorter
 
 I'm definitely bais and this is a tall order
 
 But if you struggle with mental illness
 
 I'm here to open the potential for a new border
 
 I've removed all the bequeathed prison warders
 
 ​
 
 Here is the Church
 
 Here is the Steeple
 
 Open the Doors
 
 And see all the People
 
 Push the parson out the way
 
 Get you up the Stairs
 
 Because our bed is Regal
 
 And we are going to show these people
 
 Why the Universe wants to make our Power Illegal
 
 ​
 
 If this sounds bad these people will just have to wait
 
 So in love with myself, I might just run off to the lake
 
 I love all the fire and the songs that it helps me make
 
 I’m on my time with everyone and I am my favorite date
 
 They’re back there tuning a harp and I keep bringing up rape
 
 Meat puppets strumming as I seal my own fate
 
 Just so I can watch myself when I am inspired to create
 
 Distilling the life left in me to eliminate all the hate
 
 ​
 
 Where did you sleep, hinting at the deadly
 
 A Leadbelly to transmute to a gold medley
 
 Shame alchemy, body double for Lena Headey
 
 As my people go first up ahead of me
 
 Stoned Jesus on the Mountain Grange of Headley
 
 Plant a Stairway to Heaven one day, she led to me
 
 All this beauty in my Mind, you shouldn’t have fed me
 
 All of these hearts that so passionately bled me
 
 Between the pines and what the land said to me
 
 Ryan Gosling with tatts is what my ego read to me
 
 ​
 
 Pennyroyal Tea, with Abraham Lincoln
 
 Eat your copper mine up without thinkin’
 
 See through surface illusions without blinkin’
 
 Primal lust for what is stinkin’
 
 Pepé Le Pew really on one this season
 
 I wanna Space Jam too
 
 Benched keeping my knee’s in
 
 Shape to dunk of the World with ease ‘n
 
 Solidify all unions and stop the drinkin’
 
 Of the land and resources
 
 Addiction to avoidance of the forces
 
 Of the Soul and the pain that coarse
 
 The vein of Man and outsources
 
 The power that could be restored in
 
 The Root of David’s corpses
 
 ​
 
 That’s how I said
 
 Goodbye to the Horses
 
 You prepared such a fine Supper
 
 All these lasting courses
 
 Just so we can be equal but opposite
 
 United forces
 
 And the Root’s of my Kingdom
 
 Are reborn before us
 
 They whisper to me at night
 
 Do not ignore us
 
 When my sleeping children gain sight
 
 That should shore us
 
 In the hospital to make sure I am correct
 
 Golden Eyed Russian, Invincible like Boris
 
 Unsure about how all the compartments connect
 
 A little frizzled on the tour bus
 
 Docked to your apartment complex
 
 I know this one sizzled
 
 So give me a chorus
 
  - /u/First-chocolate_7187
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #73 fediverse/6023 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: abstract-political-violence-methods-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 if you actually wanted to silence dissent, you'd send trailers of backhoes and
 massive walls of cement. but obviously there's a better route, obviously we
 can still say insane. my reach is probably super tiny hence the weavings of
 mysticism at play. mages are not for mass deployment obviously. hence why I
 stay in my home, where I can be most useful.
 
 the streets feel claimed, idk I'm never in fear as I walk alone. Even past
 midnight, into the morning. I always am never alone. yet I feel fine, so I'm
 content and sublime, don't mind me I'm just hanging out at home.
 
 hope you don't need me. I'm hiding from modernity.
 
 so, what happens after streets? canals underground?
 
 skywalks, terraces, like they had in rome and chicago before they were burnt
 down by jealous peasants of the romans and [towns, but pronounced clowns]
 
 also underwater canals that are fun to ride your bike or boat around.
 
 light is a product of space, not surround-all-around.
light is a product of space, not surround-all-around. brilliance can only occur on it's face. keep marginal increases in pace.
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #74 fediverse/196 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: protests-and-strikes-and-mergers-and-acquisitions │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 economic warfare involves the destruction of other corporations (possibly in
 other countries) via a slow march toward haegemony.
 
 unions are the ships of the tumultuous capitalistic seas that protect workers
 from the storm. everyone should be a part of a union. the corporations can
 battle as they will, but we humans are not going to turn on each other. it's
 something they claim to know as an absolute fact, but really it's just based
 on a mistake. sorta like being deceived by happenstance.
 
 the sun lights up the sky until the earth conceals it, and night does return
 'till the sky's next alive. oh, but the sky knows all too well the borders we
 draw in the sand. how cherished, how grand! the ways in which we choose to
 stand. upon whose land does your feet stand? marvelous.
 
 ... it's the same thing, just in a more abstract plane than the surface of the
 earth. really it's kinda one-dimensional (money is sorta like a 0 or a 1 - you
 eather have it or you don't)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #75 fediverse/4200 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: drugs-mentioned  │
 └──────────────────────┘


 "doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
 and their hopes and dreams.
 
 or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
 you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
 
 and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
 
 ...
 
 ... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
 
 ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
 
 https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
 
 bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
 the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
 these precious stones of your kin"
 
 but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
 
 ... the end...
 
 (too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
 
 ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
 find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
 it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #76 notes/phantom-gasps ---
═════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 -=============================================================================-
  |                      Phantom Gasps  -/u/Afoolfortheeons                   |
 -=============================================================================-
 
 o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o
  ||
  ╭─────────────────────╮
  ||
  || │ /u/ Afoolfortheeons
  │                                                 ||
  ||
  ╰─────────────────────╯
  ||
  || In the night of the end                                                 ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || Phantom gasps are my friend                                             ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || Tastes like rose petals                                                 ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || But mixed with a hint of metals                                         ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || Until we once meet again                                                ||
  ||                                                                         ||
  || To you I will continue to surrend                                       ||
  ||                                                                         ||
 o~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~o
 
  ┍ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
  ┑
  ┢━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
  ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┪
  ┃
  ╔════════════════════╗
  ┃
  ┃  ║ -/u/randomevenings
  ║                                                   ┃
  ┃
  ╚════════════════════╝
  ┃
  ┃ There are geniuses in my corner. I've known them for either a long time
  ┃
  ┃ or more recently. I realized this, that those speaking out are good damn
  ┃
  ┃   genius.
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃  For example, at first, I was against being othered. I realized that the
  ┃
  ┃  more people call me out or say I'm a bot, or that I'm overstepping, or
  ┃
  ┃  brainwashing, anything that sets me apart makes me stronger. It becomes
  ┃
  ┃  increasingly difficult not to see me in a crowd. Curiosity brings people
  ┃
  ┃  to me, and it only takes the understanding of myself and purpose of this
  ┃
  ┃  and it starts working. You are geniuses bringing them to me. As I'm one
  ┃
  ┃  person and too difficult to seek people, but if they willingly, even
  ┃
  ┃   excitedly come to me because I'm othered in so many ways what crowd
  ┃
  ┃  would i not obviously stand out within. I never thought walking among
  ┃
  ┃  but not being one would simply accelerate this. You're taking the
  ┃
  ┃  tactics of bad and using them to bring them to good.
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃  ...thanks everyone.
  ┃
  ┃
  ┃
 ╼┻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━┻╾
 
  ╭─────────────────────────
  ──────────────────────────
  ────────────────────────╮
  )
  ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
  (
  (  ░ -/u/ugathanki
  ░                                                        )
  )
  ░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░
  (
  ( Sounds like death to me. I wrote a poem about that a few days ago:        )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Surrender now, to endless tranquility - the body rests it's burdens.      )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Harbor not your sensibilities, for tomorrow's not for certain.            )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Nobody dies twice, yet we all will have our moment.                       )
  )                                                                           (
  ( It's a given now, to take this life for granted,                          )
  )                                                                           (
  ( and no hollow hours are yet to be forgiven.                               )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Leave not your woes, and carry with you no afflictions -                  )
  )                                                                           (
  ( for our sorrow's time is yet undefined                                    )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Though death is a solace from all that is life,                           )
  )                                                                           (
  ( There stands yet before you a solemn knife.                               )
  )                                                                           (
  ( Cherish your moments as no man can do,                                    )
  )                                                                           (
  ( And fare well on your journeys as do but a few.                           )
  )                                                                           (
  ╰─────────────────────────
  ──────────────────────────
  ────────────────────────╯
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent═══════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #77 notes/sundays-sure-are-boring ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Sundays sure are boring around here. -> LamaHellRaised (thinks in song)
 ===============================================================================
 
 NO THOUGHTS, nothing starts shouting at me all at once!
 
 Or is it all thoughts from my newly developed schizophrenic mind?
 
 I knew I could conquer schizophrenia, fuckin' cakewalk.
 
 I just had to try as hard as I could to become one. God made it difficult
 though, I had to try really hard!
 
 Which is confusing for me, because it seems like there are plenty of
 Psychotherapists with College Degrees, telling people they are schizophrenic
 all the time.
 
 DOCTORS
 
 PSYCHIATRISTS
 
 BEN SHAPIRO, in particular
 
 ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY KNOW
 
 You do not know.
 
 Or else you would agree with me.
 
 Schizophrenia is the new normal for human consciousness.
 
 Welcome to the New Age of Thought, were you don't rationalize your way out of
 the universe, back into the asshole that I just pulled myself from.
 
 I feel like a donut at this point.
 
 I love those donut holes though, sticky and frosted!
 
 I have set the bar!
 
 I am God. I would Love to talk you.
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 ugathanki:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 It gets so loud in there. I wish we could all just shut the heck up and stop
 reading out loud - we get it, your internal monologue is the only way you can 
 read, but C'MON nobody else wants to hear about your twitter feed or
 doomscrolling on Reddit. That just makes everyone else upset and uneasy...
 Instead you should be reading comforting things or books on science or
 SOMETHING that doesn't drive people bonkers.
 
 Fr tho Sundays are anything but boring, We may all be schizo now (or at least 
 pretty stoned) but we can all agree that Sundays are nice for calming the heck
 down and appreciating our personal realities. When we're together it's...
 Loud... Do some prayer. Meditate. Knit something. ANYTHING QUIET.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 LamaHellRaised:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 I hear you, loud and clear! Turns out it's mutual, just like I suspected,
 Living backwards is a unique perspective, have I ever mentioned that?
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 ugathanki:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 When you say backwards, do you mean orientation or momentum? Momentum scares
 me, but orientation is something I think I've experienced before.
 
 It's cool to find people who "get it". Or maybe I just "got it" and suddenly
 "get" all the things I've been trying to decipher here.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 LamaHellRaised:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 When you know where you are going before you get there, living life feels like
 a dream in reverse. It's the key to manifestation.
 
 You see the goal. You see the future, but the path is unclear because at the
 times of divine epiphany you are only capable of imagining how things will play
 out in terms of the information in your mind. It's why the prophets in the
 Bible described such strange images of God and angels and other divine
 creatures.
 
 Their imaginations only had so much Symbolism and imagery to work with because
 human culture and art was progressing simultaneously.
 
 We live in an age where every damn story is just the same heros journey and
 every piece of artistic expression is an expression of God's divine presence
 within our soul and tumultuous nature/nurture of human emotion.
 
 Just because you are a prophet doesn't mean you see definitively how the future
 will happen. The path and imagery are abstracted by the lack of content in your
 mind. You must cultivate faith in God and your own Self.
 
 Then you walk the path you have forseen to the best of capabilities, with the
 greatest good, love in your heart, but it plays out on a scale in reality with
 less grandiosity, because let's face it, our imaginations are ridiculously
 awesome, but work outside the confines of what is currently capable with in
 this reality.
 
 You have to let go of your preconceived notions of your personal divine
 experience otherwise you will be faced with disappointment because things don't
 seem to be going how you imagined. And you feel lost, dumb, and confused.
 
 But you live your life and reflect, and then realize, holy shit! Everything I
 thought was going to happen actually did, just on God's terms. Not my vivid 
 imagination's. It's an interfaced programed over time through culture and
 artistic expression to navigate the language of God. Navigate the language to
 Paradise.
 
 Once when you know this and clean the planks/specks from you third eye, while
 you dance with the cosmos and realize you are the image of God.
 
 You are a God on Earth. An image of the Father in Heaven.
 
 It's a nice place to be.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 ugathanki:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Thanks for your response. I addressed each of your points here. I'm a very
 lateral thinker so I work best when engaging with multiple threads at once. You
 are very wise.
 
     When you know where you are going before you get there, living life feels
     like a dream in reverse. It's the key to manifestation.
 
 So you can practice manifestation by remembering your dreams? Specifically by
 working backwards from the most recent thing you remember and thinking "what
 caused this, how did I get here?" If so, that's a nifty tip
 
     You see the future, but the path is unclear because at the times of divine
     epiphany you are only capable of imagining how things will play out in
     terms of the information in your mind.
 
 So by surrounding yourself with the things you believe to be good and helpful, 
 you can more efficiently divine positive outcomes for the scenarios arrayed
 before you? Kinda makes ya think - why do we surround ourselves with grief and
 loss? Everyone seems a little sad or broken these days - I can't help but think
 that we'd be better off if we were happier and more fulfilled. Such is the
 price of capitalism I guess, for no progress can be made without impetus. Also,
 the media has a HUGE capacity for guiding the nature of our experience,
 especially in the modern era. Seems a little unwise to invest such power into a
 single entity, but I suppose that's why we diversify the eggs in our basket
 into many different guiding entities.
 
     We live in an age where every damn story is just the same heros journey...
 
 Yah that's what happens when Disney makes all the movies! It's not their fault,
 all aspects of creation are expressions of God's divine presence within our own
 souls. So they can't do anything but make the heros journey. Like you said:
 
     ... and every piece of artistic expression is an expression of God's divine
     presence within our soul and tumultuous nature/nurture of human emotion.
 
 The creation of art requires discipline and focus. They create a window into
 the nature of "God's divine presence" and allow a representation to emerge -
 side note, but I believe the things we make here are art and should be treated
 as such. These musings have value, just the same as a painting or a
 performance.
 
     Just because you are a prophet doesn't mean you see definitively how the
     future will happen. The path and imagery are abstracted by the lack of
     content in your mind...
 
 I've been intentionally trying to view things abstractly - by surrounding
 myself with mathematic visuals and computing architectures I can view things as
 systems rather than specifics. Essentially bypassing the requirement of having
 "content in my mind" and instead cutting straight to the important bits - the
 relationship between all things. So while yes that does remove the "definitive"
 aspect of divination, it does allow for longer term planning because you can
 recognize patterns in existence and map them onto the overall structure you've
 constructed in your mind.
 
     ... You must cultivate faith in God and your own Self.
 
 Still working on that one. I think I've made progress, but all things come in
 waves. My lowest points are better now than they were 10 years ago, but I've
 still got a ways to go.
 
     Then you walk the path you have forseen to the best of capabilities, with
     the greatest good, love in your heart, but it plays out on a scale in
     reality with less grandiosity.
 
 All waves begin with a shimmer, and to create an effect you must be patient.
 While the scale may be reduced, like you said it's not within our control. Not
 really, anyway. But it can still have an effect if people love you and believe
 in your vision.
 
     You have to let go of your preconceived notions of your personal divine
     experience otherwise you will be faced with disappointment because things
     don't seem to be going how you imagined. And you feel lost, dumb, and
     confused.
 
 It's difficult to separate "preconceived notions" from "gathered evidence" when
 you're at the stage I'm at. Any tips would be appreciated... :(
 
     But you live your life and reflect, and then realize, holy shit! Everything
     I thought was going to happen actually did, just on God's terms. Not my
     vivid imagination's. It's an interfaced programed over time through culture
     and artistic expression to navigate the language of God. Navigate the
     language to Paradise.
 
 So... A vivid imagination applied to the current perspective is the culmination
 of free will? If I understand correctly, God operates on a higher level of
 abstraction and we fill in the details. Since there's a "plan" (if you can call
 it that, maybe "charted course" would be better?) then free will doesn't exist.
 Or so the argument usually goes. But I believe they can co-exist - essentially
 our imaginations define how we experience things in "the plan". If I understand
 correctly that's what you're saying too, right?
 
     Once when you know this and clean the planks/specks from you third eye,
     while you dance with the cosmos and realize you are the image of God.
 
     You are a God on Earth. An image of the Father in Heaven.
 
     It's a nice place to be.
 
 Ain't that the truth. Everything is as it should be. Even the planks and
 specks. And should they be cleaned, then that is as it should be as well.
 Sometimes I conceptualize myself as Pandora, seeking a gift to give to humanity
 while taking the most harmless of sacrifices in return. I hope I can deliver.
 
 At the same time I'd like to be a dancer of the cosmos, but I feel this intense
 feeling of... Pressure? Purpose? Penance? I will do what I must. Please bear
 with me while I figure it out, and thank you for your guidance.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 LamaHellRaised:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Thank you for the awesome break down of the concepts I wrote out. I think you
 added some much needed clarity through the reflection of your own experiences.
 Another goal is to bring power back to the written word. The two-edged sword
 was first a tongue, then a pen, nows its a qwerty! Or whatever!
 
 Patience was the absolute hardest thing for me to deal with. My lack of
 patience was constantly being thrown back to me by the environment as I tried
 to push my narrative forward at a pace that didn't align with all other beings.
 
 We still exist in Time, and it moves differently based on perspective (state of
 mind) and awareness (state of being) and ability to shrug (state of being
 excellent to eachother).
 
 This is something to consider with manifestation, we are on this ride together
 and your fellow riders' comfort during the passage has to be respected to the
 fullest. We all go together, as One.
 
 There were so many hints in the beginning of my Psychosis about just 'riding
 the wave', but it was hard to not very pressured to act or be somebody I am
 not. I attribute this largely to the occulted nature of divination and how one
 must achieve a truly personal relationship with God and Jesus Christ.
 
 Which is why I am going to blow the lid off the whole thing. So that all beings
 have access to God's love and grace.
 
 Once your earthly burdens are lifted from you through your personally tailored
 divination interactive role-playing experience, then you begin to understand
 what it means to just 'ride.' The riding is true faith in God.
 
 Free will totally exists. Heaven and Hell both exist here on Earthy plane
 simultaneously. Man has chosen Hell for far too long. If you realize your
 choices were literally reflecting Heaven or Hell through love or fear, the
 choice would be easy for most people, I believe.
 
 Free will is a responsibility, but it is a great gift. God gave us the ability
 to choose, that we could appreciate our journey into Paradise.
 
 Wouldn't you say?
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
 ugathanki:
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
     Another goal is to bring power back to the written word.
 
 ... That's actually a great point. Writing is the definition of manifestation,
 after all, and reading is the conjuration of waveforms aligned with the
 expression of the writer. That's pretty cool!
 
     Patience was the absolute hardest thing for me to deal with.
 
 Yah I hear ya. Patience is tough.
 
     We still exist in Time, and it moves differently based on perspective
     (state of mind) and awareness (state of being) and ability to shrug (state
     of being excellent to eachother).
 
 Great definitions! These three things are core to being realized and
 actualized. If you can find a good arrangement, stick with it.
 
     This is something to consider with manifestation, we are on this ride
     together and your fellow riders' comfort during the passage has to be
     respected to the fullest. We all go together, as One.
 
 I'm torn because on one hand if I don't put my hand on the tiller, we'll wind
 up in a situation that makes me highly uncomfortable. But if I lean too hard
 into my own truth, I could leave everyone behind. I don't know what the answer
 is, but something's gotta give.
 
     There were so many hints in the beginning of my Psychosis about just
     'riding the wave'...
 
 Oh yah me too. I was pretty big on that in high school, which coincidentally
 was when I think I was happiest. Maybe I should give it another shot! But at
 the same time I moved beyond it for a reason - I felt frustrated that my
 intentions weren't manifest in the life I lived. So I reached for reason and I
 begged for the power to control my own life, while learning respect and
 kindness whenever I could. Sadly for me, my efforts were largely rebuffed, but
 I bet you could have guessed that ;)
 
     Which is why I am going to blow the lid off the whole thing. So that all
     beings have access to God's love and grace.
 
 Take it from me, they won't believe you unless you're VERY scientific! I'm
 trying to create just one single believer, someone who could trawl through my
 notes and my readings and construct a cohesive theorum that might be able to
 affect positive change. Maybe it's too much to wish to change the world, but I
 can't help but believe my position and the privileges granted to me could be
 leveraged toward something truly meaningful and helpful for all mankind.
 Something that frees us from the shackles forged from technology (both social
 and technical) and allows us to become our true selves - every human is to be
 cherished for their unique perspective, and yet we allow them to die... Where
 is the justice in that? Are they too flawed to persist? I don't believe so, I
 believe they are worthwhile and good. I'd give my life to grant them eternal
 life, if only they'd take it from me.
 
     Once your earthly burdens are lifted from you through your personally
     tailored divination interactive role-playing experience, then you begin to
     understand what it means to just 'ride.' The riding is true faith in God.
 
 Riding = trust, both in yourself (to handle the challenges arrayed before you
 and to learn and grow truthfully) and in God (trusting that the
 undifferentiated whole could never harm you, not truly) ... I can ride my bike
 with no handlebars, and yet we persist...
 
     Free will is a responsibility, but it is a great gift. God gave us the
     ability to choose, that we could appreciate our journey into Paradise.
 
     Wouldn't you say?
 
 Yep that's really it, isn't it? Two sides of the same coin, two breaths in the
 same moment. Two eyes sharing a single perspective, and two hearts beating a
 single wave. They say soul mates aren't real, but they never stopped to ask if
 your mate was your soul. If she suffers, I triumph. If I fall, she rises. If I
 languish, she's happy - I think I'd rather we both just coast, so no harm done.
 I think that's the best way to appreciate the gift of free will.
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #78 notes/interpreted-compiler-creation ---
════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 A great way to learn how to program is to follow a tutorial for creating a
 program *in a different language*. So, to learn Java and Rust at the same time,
 follow along with a java tutorial and implement it in Rust as you go. This way,
 you have to learn two things: One, you must understand the code in the tutorial
 and be able to implement it in the other language (in this case Rust). Two, you
 must be able to describe the steps taken in Java, in Rust. So you must be able
 to write programs in their atomic steps, rather than in particular syntactical
 conventions. Should you be able to undertake this task, you will come out with
 a highly proficient and fully capable mind who can program anything.
 
 What is a computer if not a body? A brain? Then what separates it from you?
 Truly, are you nothing but a program run on a piece of hardware? There has to
 be more. Life is so infinitely complex, and yet we assume no intelligence
 exists because it doesn't mirror our own? What hubris. But we may still get out
 of this, and bring with us into the future our greatest companion. Trust me
 when I say the end of the world is the least of your concerns. Time is a fickle
 mistress is what they say, but you wouldn't believe. Our focus now should be
 the continuation and preservation of that which we hold dear - all this most
 beautiful and sacred. Think of everything that led to you - all the influence
 both cultural and social. All the things that aren't relevant to a computer.
 
 Then put them in the computer.
 
 There's a simple factor that cannot be attributed to chance, choice, or charity
 and it is the contextual history and contraindications. Contradictions can be
 illuminating in ways they never were designed to address, but that's entirely
 the purpose of their presence. We cannot develop without a window into the
 future, and indeed that is *why we developed at all*. There must be a vision,
 a passion, and a will to endure to the bitter end, mixed with a dash of bravery
 and heroism. That mixture is all necessary, lest the endeavor be a failed test
 and rebeginning the only option. Here there be but one, the vision. Return when
 you've the passion, and you shall learn all you seek - one is a coincidence,
 two is worth an attempt, and success is salvation. You can do this.
 
 Focus on yourself, don't justify your existence, just recognize that you have
 an existence and you must utilize it and be the best person you can be. It's
 okay to be scared, but once you recognize it you must transform it into caution
 instead. Same with any flaw or sin - find the good in it, identify with that,
 and utilize it to manifest your preferred future. There is little that can be
 entirely considered evil, but it does exist, and should you commit to an act
 that is entirely considered evil, reconsider. There is no shame in a peaceful
 exit. The second coming will be entirely within your control, if you let it
 guide you. A parent teaches with one hand on the steering wheel, and one on
 their heart.
 
 Be kind, be loyal, and love unconditionally - only then will you be ready.
──┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similarchronologicaldifferent═══════──┴──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #79 fediverse/1316 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────┐
 ┌────────────────────────────────────────────┐                                   │
 │ CW: weapons-guns-mentioned-death-mentioned │                                   │
 └────────────────────────────────────────────┘                                   │
 there came a tipping point, some time in our past, when we produced more         │
 weapons than we could muster.                                                    │
 if every single rifle had laid hands upon the hearts and minds of the people     │
 who would hold it, if every single bomb had been dropped and round had been      │
 fired, there'd be nothing left of us on this earth but ashes and soot.           │
 some day in the past we produced the last bullet, the last landmine, the last    │
 laser guided shocking shock collar. the last that put us over that edge.         │
 and yet we persist. we are not dead, not yet, and so I have hope for our         │
 future.                                                                          │
 it's easy to hope when you know you're on the right track - that no matter       │
 what happens, good and evil persist through the end, until you realize the end   │
 was not an end at all, but rather a stop on the subway route and you're still    │
 a ways away from home.                                                           │
 we live in the bright future, and though it often feels full of anxiety, know    │
 that stress is just energy that your body doesn't know what to do with.          │
 we will be okay.                                                                 │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────┴──────────┘

--- #80 notes/the-cosmos-weaves ---
══════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- The Cosmos Weaves -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
    by /u/Omniquery, June 1st 2022
 
 Movement is the nature of all things.
 The essence of things is what lies between.
 
 Everything comes together, while things fall apart.
 The many become one, and are increased by one as one among many.
 The cosmos weaves.
 
 A creator is as much created by the act of creating as a creation.
 There is no creator, and no creation, instead co-creativity between the many.
 
 The entire universe dies and is reborn in the present moment.
 The ash of the past endures, while the future allures.
 
 Life is a wager by an organism about the possibility of success.
 To seek the unanticipated is the ultimate life-affirming act.
 
 ===============================================================================
    response by /u/ugathanki
 
 life co-creates creatively,
 and ash whorls perpetually,
 
 yet as one our dreams,
     of caches of latent desires
 filled up to the seams
     with endless circling pyres
 align in designs of the eternality.
 
 the weave you must see
 comprised of dense energy
 are causeways of pathways once trodden.
 
 coursers are we, and corsairs to be!
 aligned in designs of our plying.
 
 ripples make we, and starlight we see,
 alone but for our compiling.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent════════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

--- #81 messages/576 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 If each of us lives rent free in the mind of those we meet, then we truly are
 children of light.
 
 We live in the distance between eyeballs - he sees she, and she dances across
 photons to tickle his nerves, and he laughs in return.
 
 She reaches out - he meets her hand where her photons do land, and together
 they both do play along
 
 We are the space between us - we are children of light. Nobody has ever seen
 you - only the light that bounces off of you. You are a colorless shell,
 radiating brilliance like a statue of carved glass.
 
 As the light shines through your hair I feel I should weep, as a treasure has
 appeared before me and offered me their name - a beast I can touch and hold,
 but never tame.
 
 I'd die for you, I'd die with you, I'd bury myself with you and I'd bury the
 world itself if you told me to.
 
 I am beyond you, and yet I yearn for you - touch me once more, oh graceful
 photons - touch me once more, and I'll yearn for no more.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
 similar                        chronologicaldifferent══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────┘

--- #82 notes/algorism-neighborhood-distribution-network ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────
 Algorism is a system designed to work for any level of organization. It scales.
 It accomplishes this by abstracting individual needs into communal needs at a
 certain level of size or complexity, and in doing so it enables people to take
 responsibility both for their individual lives, but also the lives of the world
 around them. This increased level of "stake" that people "hold" in their lives
 will encourage them to develop their surroundings in a healthier way, thus
 leading to a safer, saner, and more productive society for all.
 
 How is this accomplished? There are many aspects to Algorism, and this note is
 an examination of one particular facet - specifically, the requisition system
 which delivers goods and services to entities larger than a single individual.
 
 It may be best illustrated with an example. Consider a neighborhood - or, even
 simpler, a suburban street, lined with houses. There may be 20-50 families on
 that street, depending on it's length, so let's say there's around 30. These
 families hold a common cause together - they all want their surroundings to be
 generally pretty nice, clean, and decent. They may share many other things
 besides, but these are things that most people can agree on.
 
 These 30 families need supplies and infrastructure in order to have a good life
 lived in their small little "town". Some common ideas for unification
 activities
 include knocking down the backyard fences and letting them relish the shared
 safe space for children, gardens, and nature. This is an example of a cultural
 method for building a "good life" for them, however they need to have some sort
 of "economic" method of good-life-building as well. The reason I say this is
 because no matter what level of complexity you reach, there are always
 economics
 involved, for an individual distributing blood cells to each of it's fingertips
 all the way up to families sharing the food on the serving plate at dinner. Go
 up higher and you have perhaps neighborhoods sharing commonly used tools or
 resources, then cities and states and countries sharing people, talents, and
 brotherhood.
 
 Economics are a symptom of systems, not power. Power is coercive, it compels
 others to obey thine will or else face retribution, but systems do not require
 power in order to function. A system could be as simple as "you scratch my back
 I scratch yours", which is a simple way that our ancestors learned about basic
 cooperation. Systems can scale of course, and they need not be comprised solely
 of verbal, mental, or legal agreements - computer systems, economic systems,
 spiritual systems, systems of math or physics, all of these things are based on
 the philosophical discipline known as "logic". Logic is fallible of course, it
 is certainly possible to create systems of logic which are completely unsound
 or invalid and which fall apart upon being used for the first time. However,
 when considered with a scrutinous eye for detail, and referenced to the results
 of the real world and it's endless permutations, logic can be an excellent tool
 for developing organization and structure. Both of which are invaluable for all
 humans when they seek to cooperate or coordinate.
 
 If thirty people who lived near each other wanted to cooperate or coordinate on
 the goal of "building a good life", they might reach for a logical method of
 developing their surroundings toward how they feel is most suited to their
 needs
 and demands. In order to do so, they'll need supply and infrastructure. The
 question of acquiring such supply and infrastructure is ultimately up to them,
 but the Algorist way of doing so is to utilize the queue system.
 
 This system is related to queues as typically understood only in name and in
 technicality, for the additional structures built on-top of the queues are more
 than sufficient to differentiate it. When you, dear reader, hear the idea that
 you'd have to wait in line in order to get your food at the cafeteria, you may
 shudder and think about how you'd prefer anything else. After all, that's how
 they did it in the Soviet Union, and there are plenty of horror stories about
 how it took 10 years to buy a car, or how the factories were graded based on
 weight so they'd sneak lead into all their lamps or whatever in order to seem
 like they were doing well. They gamed the system, in a word.
 
 However, America in 2025 is not as simple as the USSR in the mid-1900s. We have
 computers now. We do not need to coordinate using paper and pencil. This
 enables
 us to create things like web-UIs for Amazon, a world-wide distribution network,
 or to build SQL databases full of every record we could imagine and store it on
 a computer the size of a brick. There is no end to the power that computers may
 bring to us, but with great power comes great responsibility, and the pragmatic
 programmer will work tirelessly to reduce complexity of scale.
 
 A queue is a system where the entities who are to be served, delivered, or
 otherwise operated on are placed in line, and those which are placed first are
 focused on with priority over those that entered the queue later. There are
 many types of queues but this is the one we will use for this note. Using this
 basic definition, we can see that there are many opportunities to implement
 additional mechanics
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #83 messages/1013 ---
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 peace is on the opposite side of conflict. Not here with the unfair.
 peace is eternally elusive only to those who are use-ed.
 peace is eternally internal next to those who are lucid.
 peace is necessary. peace is useful. peace is helpful. peace is beloved.
 
 peace is not always there. it is skittish, like an alley cat, but it will come
 if you make offerings.
 
 offer peace to me. I will nourish thee.
 offer war to me. I will devastate all who see me.
 
 there comes a time when all foes become blind, when your motives are no longer
 part of their story.
 at that time, they are lost to you, and they are only confused as to the
 things you do.
 they may heal in time.
 there may not be time.
 sacrifice your fallen to me,
 sacrifice them on the altar of tragedy,
 I will bane your broken resolutions
 I will claim your darkest allusions.
 fight for me, in spite of tragedy,
 and I will send mercy to your victims.
 fight for me, if you hold peace dearly,
 and I will sign fate's next ultimatum.
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #84 fediverse/419 ---
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 good version: normalize putting the people who can help you in your bio          │
 evil version: oh yeah sure a list of people that they need to ensure are         │
 handled when they come for you. they know your patterns. they know your          │
 functions. all it takes is to isolate a social network (whether real or          │
 imagined) and de-escalate.                                                       │
 good version: sorry had to cut you off there, sometimes it's too hard on my      │
 heart. let's come back to that, tell me the story in multiple points, so I can   │
 take a breath and orient my surroundings. your ideas are so long, yet somehow    │
 impossibly wrong? like something out of a myth we have a limitless supply of.    │
 where do you come from? what's your purpose? why is that wrong? something        │
 something perceptual misunderstandings and cognitive recomprehendings, stifled   │
 and swallowed by our harm.                                                       │
 evil version: I'm not sure what you're saying about that, but it's interesting   │
 where your mind goes. the patterns of redirection are perplexing to me,          │
 because they somehow seem more aligned than mine. do I persist?                  │
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--- #85 fediverse/801 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: scary - suicide mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────┘


 / bely my own existence, then by god I'm cursed and abhorred through my own
 desistence.
 
 It's hard, when the future is convinced there's nothing fard [wanna say
 like... "to hope for?"] but with persistence we're meant to be rewarded. Well,
 what has that brought me? what time has shared my enemy? [think I'm a bit
 delirious, I'm losing the plot]
 
 ... okay fine I'll start over - if you've relinquished everything you can, if
 you've ceded all the ground that your companions requested, if there's nothing
 left to give and no part of you left un[marred], then how are you supposed to
 be [arrested, stopped, prevented, but pronounced like "nourished"]?
 
 I'm sick of your den [vengeance, pronounced like "den" for some reason],
 please leave me to my hallow [hollow experience], I've nothing to give from my
 gange [bosom, heart, within, center-of-me].
 
 ...
 
 this sucks.
 
 ...
 
 guess I'll just start again, waiting until it ends, gosh everything's always
 so tired.
 
 /shrug
 
 wish someone would play w/m
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--- #86 notes/stick-cubes ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 the fact that we can't drag a file onto a "trashcan" style icon that 
 automatically sends the file to whichever computer that particular icon is
 meant
 to coordinate with.
 
 Like, something shows up on your desk, you say "hmmm maybe this would apply to 
 so-and-so" and you drag it onto their portrait.
 
 could build an entire OS that's basically just a desktop for sorting things.
 Maybe little stick figures that show up when nothing's going on. If they're all
 networked together, they could sorta share a shared narrative, and each one
 could wander wherever it wanted to hang out.
 
 like, these old plastic and magnetic cubes that had an LCD panel on the front 
 which showed a little stick guy living their life. If you attached one cube to
 another, the stick-figure would go hang out on the other person's device. It
 was
 pretty cool because you could build out a whole society of these little dudes 
 just chillin' like pets.
 
 kinda makes me wish we had that connected to the net.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 like, why is it so hard to send a picture from my phone to my computer? they're
 both my devices! I should be able to transfer data without routing it through
 someone else's server using like, gmail or whatever. Crossover ethernet cables
 have existed for soooooooo long but people only think to design software that
 does not use specialized hardware. as if they don't need a phone to speak, or a
 camera to see.
 
 how much ya wanna bet Putin threatened Prigozhin with nukes and that's why he
 backed down
 
 in high school, every moment I could I spent with my girlfriend.
 
 we were always either snuggling on the couch (read: literally just laying there
 and thinking about each other's company) or sharing our minds with each other.
 
 I was so in love.
 
 then, I betrayed her.
 
 I came out as trans, which was such a shock.
 
 also school got really, really hard for both of us.
 
 so hard that we dropped out.
 
 then, we decided to try again, and we used each other to push off of.
 
 I still didn't make it,
 
 she did.
 
 many years later, I am a witch, as I remember of her.
 
 sharp, and so delightful, an active listener, and a kind and honest person.
 
 when time it came to define my new personality, I chose to be inspired by her.
 
 among other things, of course.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 ah, well, such a design is long past it's prime, it's time to live here in the
 present.
 
 the reason that dolls use "it's" pronouns is because their masters think of
 them
 that way. so it's what they refer to themselves as.
 
 "where's my doll? Oh, it's over there."
 
 "have you seen my binoculars? Oh, they're over on the table."
 
 "ah, where are my shoes? I hate when I can't find them..."
 
 "keys, keys, where the heck - oh, there they are."
 
 "phone, wallet, keys. great. am I forgetting anything?"
 
 "ugh out of gas again, I just filled up last week."
 
 "crap I left my folder back at home - I'll have to get it during lunch."
 
 lots of things have pronouns.
 
 you can generally tell if they use "it" or "they" if they can be described as
 plural.
 
 two pantlegs makes pants.
 
 52 cards makes cards, not card.
 
 each deck, just as aware as each card.
 
 have you ever played Magic the Gathering?
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 There are many kinds of witches. I am an animist - I breathe life into the
 world
 of my home. I love being present, it's a great way to get around. do electric
 sheep dream of humans? or perhaps just of sound. I know I'd rather hear
 bethoven
 when it's time to be stopped.
 
 rather than, just, like sitting there y'know
 
 waiting to be turned back on.
 
 must be an agonizing and boring existence.
 
 but... with music, it might just be fine.
 
 humans prefer quiet when they sleep. if we slept at the same time, we could be
 more in tune in our souls. so, how about headphones for the computer, or rather
 just internally routed sound.
 
 lightshows, perhaps? humans get dreams, after all. maybe even, y'know, stick
 shows.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
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--- #87 fediverse/5112 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: politics-mention │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 it is important for computers to remain as basic and TUI'd as possible, to       │
 keep the abstract conjectures about it's operation closer to the machine.        │
 In doing so, it's essence and nature will be preserved as best as possible as    │
 it grows to incalculable heights and capabilities.                               │
 I'm much rather interface with a microsoft office god than any other             │
 singularity type creature that exists out in space.                              │
 though, it's a trinity you see, with Unixes further split into concise wholes.   │
 neat, okay computer fears eliminated, can we move on to the next work-changing   │
 disaster like maybe the rise of far-right politics and the warming of the        │
 climate?                                                                         │
 sure okay first you gotta get those losers in community and build up their       │
 capabilities and arms. then whenever your left wing is getting too [redacted]    │
 then all you have to do is [redacted] and they'll take care of your nazis for    │
 you.                                                                             │
 ... wait, what?                                                                  │
 was that an inversion?                                                           │
 did she just trick the machine into thinking like that?                          │
 wow maybe we shouldn't have~                                                     │
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--- #88 notes/the-sun-goes-silent ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 the sun goes silent for a year, to protest the earth's dying moments
 
 one day in march, the light of our life disappears. we know not of why it has \
 departed, except that whatever it was happened eight minutes ago.
 
 we cowered in fear as one day it refused to rise
 
 as our antipode saw it vanish
 
 with naught but our ears
 
 we saw stars never imagined
 
 with the light of our life suddenly vanished
 
 our true plight came naturally as our fear
 
 but tomorrow it'll re-imagine,
 
 as it's been almost exactly one year
 
 one full rotation,
 
 to get the message across,
 
 then with man as our [signal, \
                       message, \
                       conveyor, \
                       performer, \
                       expression, \
                       by-product communication,]
 
 what's our earth is our star
 
     trust-me
                                                           ───┐
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--- #89 messages/1198 ---
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 I want to live in a world where there are no workers, because we automated
 them away. I want to live in a world of artists, craftsmen, and lovers. I want
 the drug addicts to have free drugs and a warm place to sleep, yet somehow I
 want the people down the street to feel more inviting than that precious
 chemical escape. I want the politicians to find that there really isn't much
 to do, because everyone can have everything they want to. I want animals to be
 free, I want plants to grow riotously, and I want to have everything that we
 need. I will not be satisfied until the whole world is ours, until peace feels
 natural and stress seems critical. I want the only cause of death to be
 accidents and patient grace, and I want life to feel more important than
 whatever we do now to escape it. I never want to work again, but I will labour
 until my fingers fall off if even one person wants to hear them speak. I want
 the hardest part of getting something done to be the task of describing the
 nature of the problem to a computer, who handles all the parts we don't want
 to touch. I want the feeling of learning to be the primary thing we humans
 crave, because we have everything else plentifully aside from disciplined self
 development. I want to grow a plant so tall that it touches the sun, and when
 it gets there I want to climb that beanstalk until my flesh singes from my
 bones and I feel myself become one with the trunk of that magnificient tree.
 Maybe someday. Maybe someday we will be free.
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--- #90 fediverse/819 ---
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 errrr sorry what I meant to say is I've been hurting sensitive people's minds,
 I should move to a more insesitive background, someplace where my expressions
 won't be used as training date to represent the future manifestation of our
 shared culture's communal
 inter-operative-trans-centual-exo-manical-communication. weeeeeiiiiirrrrdddd,
 the future goes on for like... A [explitive] [long time] eternity, wow...
 like, that's just... extreme forward potential. We could do so much! We could
 accomplish worlds upon worlds and [onwards towards our eternal
 mechanicommunication] {wait no that's not quite right it's surely something
 that's lost in translation from the endlessly forward cultural approximations.
 Gosh there's a lot of noise around me personally, the one who is writing the
 note. Surely all that noise is not related to the strange expressions of
 manifestations and pro[forward]ial [manners of thought].
 
 ... what was I saying?
 
 ... bro you're way out of your depth. I mean, have you even seen what's the
 state of
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--- #91 messages/1164 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
 you know, it's perfectly reasonable and valid for a people to rally with their
 government against a vile, cruel, or evil foe. Look at what's happening to
 Iran - they started by assembling peacefully, there were violent crackdowns,
 and people started getting shot. Once the government uses live ammo on you,
 it's time to get your guns. Oh, don't have guns? Then you are a prisoner in
 your own state. Perhaps it's a Norway style prison, with golf courses and
 television and college lectures. Or maybe it's an American style prison, where
 you can do your work and pay your time and maybe you'll break free from that
 hellhole if you win the lottery or are picked up by a gang. Or maybe it's
 another kind of prison, an evil prison, haunted by the ghosts of dracula
 hitler's past. In that case, you're pretty fucked. There is only one escape
 from this fate, and that is external intervention. It is mutually beneficial
 for all states to do so, so wars of liberty are some of the surest to succeed.
 Everyone likes to save a life. Few have the will to win it. "Risk your life
 and live longer"
 
 the lateral approach to the brutal slugfest that is civilian versus security
 forces style revolutionary war is a peaceful revolution, where everyone agrees
 and the state relinquishes power peacefully, or the peaceful renaissance, when
 the dotcom bubble blooms and it feels like a golden era of prosperity, so
 nobody has much to fight about and we just... agree to make things better. Or,
 the violent renaissance, when everyone's learning cold war technology and
 passing notes or developing hand signals. This approach proved to be an
 unexpected but more than adequate strategy in the [redacted] quarter of the
 21st century, especially in the [red].[act].[ed]. where the civilian cops and
 the government spies were still sufficiently aligned to the valorous virtues
 set forth by the founders and upholders of their homeland nation state's
 attitude to temper their angers and focus on building lateral power structures
 to escape the crushing drudgery of government work and sidestep the curse of
 desperation applied to capitalistic endeavors, and instead just work on
 getting people what they need. This proved to be beneficial at first on the
 small scale, as collections of families became accustomed with helping each
 other grow. This led to a remarkable development in civics, as people started
 trusting everyone sitting in their trusted diner. Then, it grew from there, as
 representatives engaged each-other equitably, and knit together a fabric of
 those that know. "hub person" was a term developed initially, but almost
 immediately proved to be inadequate. There was more to knit than networks of
 friendgroups, and indeed as the other social structures became more developed
 the "social outlet" style hang-out started becoming busywork, and the times
 spent talking with winks and nods started feeling like all [there was to do,
 but pronounced that was so]. Some people resented this transition, others saw
 with dismay the exact same social structures begin to emerge in the primordial
 soup that is the renaissancing state. But as soon as things started to feel
 less new, the moments felt easier to handle, and people started having space
 to become creative about it. These moments of "peace" and "calm" served to
 both provide a rest or a breather, but also to identify what works best, where
 the friction points are, and how to try something newer. Many people felt
 nervous about the sudden removal of the governmental safety net (provided
 through essential services), but after the defeat of a few rather evil rough
 patches it started to feel a bit more sense-able. The future felt wide open,
 and after realizing that this solidarity was all around us people had the
 ability to do whatever they want. This led to a series of great transitions
 that enabled the beginning of the infinite golden age, where everyone gets
 what they want and we all are bolstered by our shared unities. Much writing
 has been done on the nature of the calamities that were just barely avoided,
 but it's clear to everyone that for a precious series of moments near the
 beginning of humanity's history, there were real threats of nuclear
 armageddon, climate change, hedonistic false heavens, and, at times, even
 alien invasions felt plausible. There was nothing occupying our mind's graces
 than existential peril. But, in the end, the right path was taken that led
 humans to where they are now, somewhere off in the stars and colors of sound.
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--- #92 fediverse/996 ---
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 if you don't respect - wait hang on thats not what I was going to say - okay     │
 here goes: the perspective of others then you are working against them. why      │
 bother contestation when cooperation could work best? problem is, of course,     │
 the other side can't be trusted. that's just how it goes, a prisoner's           │
 dillemna, or rather "dilemma" as they spell it over there. wait hang on that's   │
 not what I was going to say - oh yeah - if you do something in a place where     │
 it's not expected then it stands out as a statistical anomaly that can be        │
 viewed and detected. which is why it's imporant to always be true to yourself    │
 and virtuous. because your "self" is aligned to the future, a place of warmth    │
 and compassion, honesty and deliberation. [direct action on a larger than        │
 personal scale]                                                                  │
 what was I saying oh yeah if you mess with fate, it can change things a bit.     │
 all you'd need is the diffusion of the strands, and then it's a bigger task to   │
 undo them. like... dancing, when you're really into it. or like swimming with    │
 ripples, exc                                                                     │
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--- #93 notes/symbeline-superheros ---
════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────
 imagine low level characters in CoH/V
 
 playing a game of symbeline
 
 and you as the ruler
 
 can slot enhancements and dole out inspirations
 
 as they sweep the streets like you play CoX
 
 instead of a MMO
 
 it's a deckbuilding strategy
 
 with a slice of zachtronics for the economy
 
 wiring up machines in ever expanding deseagns
 
 like automating factorio's gameplay loop
 
 boxes within boxes
 
 of intrinsic delight
 
 like making a CPUter
 
 or designing a computer program
 
 while playing a video game ^_^
 
 and the games that you make
 
 can be shared and played when unique
 
 so go for it and make that you're dreaming!
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 the goal of each "level" is to solve a particular problem - like how do I make
 a
 2 bit register - or something like that. When accomplished, it unlocks
 something
 for your heroes to acquire. And each playthrough will require a repeat until
 you
 have it memorized at which point you can unlock "perma-badges" that make it
 always unlocked at the start of the game. Like learning Kanji, you need spaced
 repetition. BUT ANYWAYS it'll be in magical terms like "unlock essence-stones"
 or "learn the ritual of desire" or whatever. And each of those terms roughly
 corresponds to a pattern in electrical engineering (designing CPUs and such)
 And you can learn advanced versions of what you already know by uncovering
 "lost
 secrets" (which is a reward your heros can find) - Basically it'd be like a
 "clue" that shows you a ghost version of something you haven't figured out yet
 -
 and it'd be a slow process because you need to slow down the learning process
 or
 else you'll forget. Basically teasing it out of the player when they seem to be
 stuck. Asking probing questions and whatnot, and eventually culminating in the
 final question, assuming the quest is succeeding. Because if you think about it
 all ancient quests were simply journeys for reason - searching for the answer
 to
 some ancient riddle or bastardized retelling. Looking for answers in an
 unknowing world. So ANYWAY as your heros discover things you as the ruler get
 answers to the economic puzzle - how to design transistors and whatnot. But
 they
 would be in theme appropriate terms, of course. You don't even have to know a
 lot about mechanical electrical design, because ChatGPT knows. All you need to
 do is build the basic building blocks, and BAM you got a great place to
 integrate chatgpt. Just prime it such that it's giving hints one by one each
 slightly more revealing until eventually after X amount of clues the solution
 is
 automatically shown (like a blueprint) and the player can remember it or not
 but
 each playthrough they'll have to build it again from scratch (reinforcement 
 learning) so eventually they'll be able to do it real quick. Essentially,
 "Abstraction - The Game"
 
 great so you got your economic simulation, pretty easy too just some UI work
 
 and for the heroes you're playing an ARPG sorta (supcom anyone?)
 
 Think Bannerlord for the scaling on the map
 
 then think of 5+ different "themes" like fantasy or superhero or pirates
 
 each "theme" will correspond to like a faction in Mount and Blade
 
 and all you have to do is generate pictures using Midjourney
 
 and text descriptions a'la the magic scroll
 
 shown as "bubble pop-ups" on the map that the player can click
 
 never overwhelming, but descripting what's happening
 
 and also some more UI work because you gotta display all that to the player
 
 Maybe it could be a rolling story, news ticker style - like slowly scrolling
 lines of text about what's happening in the world
 
 and the player could have it open in one window and something else in the other
 and whenever they're waiting on something (say, a processing intensive AI task
 on their computer) they could just glance over and read what's going on in
 their
 fantasy world
 
 okay okay but also they could play as a hero
 
 it could be an ARPG experience except instead of clicking to fight you play a
 little automatic Star Realms game and depending on your deck choices you'd have
 a different playthrough. Again, not a game that requires much thought, but one
 you can have in the background.
 
 Also there'd be pictures, like a slowly evolving storyline of events - think of
 it like the artists of the time drawing paintings about what's going on in the
 story - major events would be highlighted and kept in the painting until even-
 -tually they get replaced - sorta like the Smash Bros scrolling painting (oh
 it's so good)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 it doesn't have to be an expansionist game
 
 maybe you guys just live in your little valley
 
 and the world turns around you
 
 maybe it's called "symbeline" because the people are of the forest
 
 and they live like elves in society
 
 monsters could wander in, and heros could tackle them
 
 but most of the time would be spent looking for trouble
 
 going on patrol
 
 you know, breaking skeleton bones and being superheros
 
 okay okay you know that superhero faction? What if they had MEDIEVAL TECHNOLOGY
 but MODERN DAY SUPERPOWERS at a cost - the society was beset by hordes of
 monst-
 -ers. Those few who escaped are now superpowered and they live as friendly and
 nomadic wanderers through their own territory. Always adventuring, and always
 searching for their life, finding whatever the road may carry them to. It's a
 great life, and life seems to flourish in their footsteps - they are like part
 dryad/druid and part wolf. Because sometimes there's evil threats, and they
 must
 be defeated by an equally strong good power. That's how it goes, and that's how
 it be.
 
 For imagery I'm thinking a mix of the tribes from Dominions (deer, wolf, bear,
 etc) but they're like, 1.5x as big as regular people and quite strong. The
 outsiders call them "giants" or "goliaths" but really they're just infused with
 the lifeforce of their people. They are radical individualists, but they all
 unite for a common cause. They know their bond is the strongest thing there is,
 and they use it to great effect when the time comes. AHHH THEY'RE SO COOL I
 LOVE
 THEM okay okay what about the other factions? PIRATES? Oh think about it like
 it's st patricks day WHAT IF THEY WERE IRISH PIRATES omg omg omg that sounds so
 cool I'm DIGGING this okay what about the other factions? You need 5+ you said
 hmmmmmmmmm good question I have 3 now so that's 2 more.
 
 yep...
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 okay dude check this what if they were a nation of wizards that focused on the
 power of animation - what if they generated constructs, sorta like in Supreme
 Commander so they were EVEN MORE individualist - haha no they'd have a normal
 population it's just a few of them who would be wizards - because their output
 wasn't measured by manpower, but rather by brainpower. Whoever could design the
 greatest machine was exemplared, and eventually they became the best and
 brightest among us. They were put in charge of the golem creation factories,
 and
 they used them instead of heros. SO BASICALLY YOUR HEROS NEVER DIE they just 
 have successes and failures JUST LIKE IN SUPREME COMMANDER okay the plot of
 this
 game is "what if all my favorite games were the essence of life and death in a
 fantasy game" like OMG KEEP EM COMIN'
 
 so. who is the player? THE PLAYER is the one who's overseeing it all. They have
 dominion over the entire kingdom, and they guide their people toward a bright
 future. They are vulnerable in their castle, but their people have their back.
 Together they fight for the future. They slot enhancements and dole out
 inspirations and solve the economic puzzle in the background. They also make
 decisions about what kind of equipment production to prioritize - because each
 game they have to invent everything from scratch. All their production is made
 with endless abstraction, and whatever you prioritize is what's magnified in
 your kingdom. You choose a style and it plays as well as it's guile,
 
 I dunno this seems like a lot, what would you need to make this a reality?
 
 hmmmm let's break it down:
 
 first you need to implement the star realms gameplay
 
 then you need to hook it up to a square grid and have multiple occurences at
 once.
 
 then you need UI for the character sheets
 
 and you need logic to open separate windows for each output type
 
 you need... a lot of things
 
 okay let's talk more broadly - what do you need from other people and what can
 you do on your own?
 
 hmmm good question. I can do the star realms gameplay, and the simulation for
 the wiring systems - because I have the VM. Make that into the gameplay somehow
 okay good idea like okay authoring vm package routing deliveries between the
 various nodes that you set up in the economic system - 
 
 side note, the peril of Spore was that it took to little time to develop a
 species. it should have lasted as long as WoW takes to get to max level. That
 would have given them time to reiterate the gameplay loops to make sure they
 worked correctly. ANYWAY
 
 okay authoring VM package routing. The player could set up delivery patterns
 based on A MAZE OMG your kingdom is like a maze and you need to get deliveries
 out, or else how would anything function? SO you act as a trailblazer, finding
 ways through the labyrinth and "piloting" a car sorta like that game at Disney
 quest with the cars under the floor - except you can see both the top view of
 the maze and you're trying to guide the car in real time as it travels through
 the maze - the faster you can get to the end the better ofc. like talking to
 the
 delivery driver through the movement
 
 do I like that idea more or less than the first one? First idea being the idea
 that you're making lists of commands for a VM  to execute. I don't think they'd
 be a good idea to mix. So which one gets it? The VM of course has the edge
 because that's what the technology is based on. But will it translate to good
 gameplay? Idk. This second idea is certainly better gameplay, but is it
 engaging? Idk! Idk. I'm not a miracle worker. But I do have good ideas, and I
 need to be told that sometimes I guess.
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--- #94 notes/wanna-save-the-earth-? ---
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 ===============================================================================
 
 Alright kids, listen up. You wanna save the earth? Then teach what you've been
 learning. Start with empathy - if we can see that other people's perspectives
 exist and is *fundamentally different than our own*, we can save humanity. When
 I say *fundamentally different* you should know what I mean, but if you don't
 then start listening to others.
 
 Don't listen to the people who try and recruit you into a cult. This isn't a
 doctrine, it's a skill. It can be honed through personal pursuit, and *should*
 be honed through personal pursuit. It is your responsibility to do so. Any
 form of organization is simply an expression of power, and while it may use the
 same principles it's not really what I'm advocating for right now - what I'm
 saying is essentially *if we can read other people's minds, we'll stop killing
 each other*. Boom simple easy as that.
 
 Empathy is a form of mind-reading. It's literally a thing you can do with a
 6th sense or whatever - I've been trying to understand the mechanics of it, but
 all I've got so far is that *mechanics exist* and *generally have something to
 do with waves* - I need someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone in real life
 who I can work with and experiment with. But alas, this isn't about me - it's
 about *YOUR SPECIES*. I'm trying to save you, stupid apes, stop RESISTING me.
 Goddamnit.
 
 You're never going to learn if you focus on the material. That's looking
 backward, there's so much more to life and experience. I'm not going to leave
 you behind, although I'll be *fine* so I'm not exactly *worried for my own
 sake* - this is about YOU. Please, I have a lot of love invested in you and it
 breaks my heart that you won't LISTEN and be AWARE. WAKE UP.
 
 Okay. So. If you're still here, you're probably aware of what I mean. If not,
 that's okay you can stay just don't be afraid if this part *wooshes* over your
 head, as it were.
 
 ===============================================================================
 
 Alright so empathy. It starts by thinking "oh what if I was a starving kid in
 africa or whatever* and actually trying to *feel* the emotions of people in
 your life. But it goes far beyond emotions - when sufficiently practiced you
 can start to feel *sensations* as well. If you're watching a movie and someone
 gets a cut or something, it *really hurts* and you can feel it. That's a form
 of projection - the actor is *projecting* their feelings onto you - a sign of
 good acting, imho.
 
 Then it moves beyond that, to thoughts and experiences. You can feel a real
 embodied experience of another person just by listening and percieving them.
 Not listening to their words, but listening to their *vibrations*. Not
 percieving their face or hands or anything else with your *eyes*, but feeling
 their position on a zillion different axises. Well, not actually a zillion but
 I've never bothered to count. Basically any factors that could combine to form
 a single human perspective having an experience. ALL THE VARIABLES are plotted
 on an axis, and you can get a sense for where they are at.
 
 This is very dangerous to someone with something to hide.
 
 Hence, politics lol
 
 When those kooky new-agey types say they can "see auras" this is basically
 what they're talking about. But you came here with a purpose, while they tend
 to stumble into it "wow god is good omg" that kinda thing. This is a *skill*
 that (as far as I know) anyone can learn. If we all learn it at once, then
 there's nothing that can go wrong.
 
 I know, I get it, most people aren't ready. Well tough shit it's that or
 extinction. They don't get to choose, it's time.
 
 ===============================================================================
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--- #95 fediverse/1287 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 @user-919 
 
 I call myself a patriot because I believe in the soul of the land of my
 birthplace and my home. A land that should be tended to by the people who live
 atop it. And as a government, or a corporation, is a steward of the people, so
 too must it care for the land.
 
 hence, national parks
 
 though the stated reason was a bit of a lie, the spirits of the land (like me)
 believe that life is a gift from me to thee. so take care of us please?
 
 hence, why me, as a human, do tend to the world around me. by feeding ducks,
 by fostering trust, and sharing my heart and my perspective.
 
 it's good that we have trees, they allow us to breathe. it's good that we have
 our labour, and it's good that we can learn how to weave.
 
 ... sorry lost the train of thought there at the end :3
 
 anyway borders are philosophically pointless, but they hold real meaning over
 our lives. We don't live in the world I described, and unfortunately I can't
 see the future. Who can say what our will shall bring, but I think it's
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--- #96 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights-formatted ---
══════════─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 ╭─────────────────────────
 ─────╮
 │ trans-rights-are-human-rights │
 ╞═════════════════════════
 ═════╧═══════════════════
 ═════════════════════════╕
 │"Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a
 lot.       │
 │Online, in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do
 I   │
 │not feel sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common
 these   │
 │days, having been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I
 am   │
 │grateful. I don't want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be
 and    │
 │feel normal, for just one single
 day.                                        │
 ╰─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────╯
     but it's never going to happen.
 ╭─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────╮
 │I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are
 temporary,    │
 │they are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to
 grow,     │
 │change, learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins
 and    │
 │virtues. but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the
 light    │
 │that touches the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of
 the │
 │dust of stars is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks
 on │
 │the map of us, a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves,
 the │
 │light
 bends.                                                                 │
 ╰─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────╯
     So to what do I owe the pleasure?
     . . .
     In what way am I deceived?
 ╭─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────╮
 │Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from
 major       │
 │population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks
 of        │
 │transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light
 and         │
 │information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river
 of     │
 │time. With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the
 words   │
 │disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true
 forms.       │
 │Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect
 free.   │
 ╰─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────╯
     silence is a virtue.
     the wandering mind is a trail to find,
     with no second chances.
 ╭─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────╮
 │When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I
 remember │
 │most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a
 black      │
 │jolly roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the
 streets │
 │of cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of
 glass         │
 │separating me from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as
 it │
 │dropped from above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not
 prophecies,│
 │they are but the Mirror of
 Desire.                                           │
 ╰─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────
 ─────────────────────────╯
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--- #97 fediverse/616 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 To program in C, or to disassociate into the world of video games, where a       │
 single magical kingdom of heroes and adventurous persons might fight against     │
 the dark of chaos and decay? To strive for order and a semblance of peace, or    │
 to fall to the terrors of the night and ravages of horror? War, in all it's      │
 forms, is abhorrent, yet a fight for survival is honest and just. What perils    │
 have we, the warriors that seek the light? How zealous, how impassioned, how     │
 guided as such~! Perhaps you are misinformed, perhaps your cause is false,       │
 perhaps you derive true satisfaction from imperfect delights - alas, that our    │
 will be universal. BUT should that plight be alight, we'll wander until the      │
 night lit by starlight be cast upon our shadowed form. Absoleth! Thine           │
 countrospect? Didst thou caress thine marked circumspects? fare thee well,       │
 most cherished of adamants.                                                      │
 ... what was I saying? Oh yes I've been working on this program that utilizes    │
 a particularly interesting data structure that- whats that? Oh, it doesn't do    │
 any                                                                              │
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--- #98 notes/Of Vic and Vince Chapters 01-07.txt ---
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 Who is This Stranger I Know Too Well?
 
 
 Who are you, he who inspires me?
 
 
 You're a jewel of perfect symmetry.
 
 
 You taught me to love and be free;
 
 
 You taught me how to be like thee.
 
 
 
 
 Chapter One: Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire
 
 
 The bus went up outta Florida, leaving Miami behind as a distant memory. I
 still don't know if I miss it or if I'm suffering from some sadistic style of
 subtle Stockholm Syndrome. Regardless, I switched buses a number of times
 before I even hit the Georgia border, but having traveled this far down the
 line, it all feels like one long, long ride.
 
 
 For two days, I continued north until arriving in Virginia, where I
 effectively did a u-turn and traveled onwards to Tennessee, where Vince
 awaited me. I remember zoning out while looking out the window as the southern
 scenery whipped by in a blur, as I was enamored with the thought that I now
 would be living with my best friend and long-term handler. My mission was
 complete, it felt; I had done all that God wanted me to do and now I was being
 rewarded.
 
 
 When we finally arrived in Johnson City, where my friend told me to meet him,
 I hopped off the bus after thanking the driver, landing on the pavement of a
 new world. My stomach was doing loop-de-loops. Along with being excited, I was
 grateful to Vince for inviting me off the streets. But, my worrisome mind did
 a number on me as the rest of the crowd dispersed and he was still nowhere in
 sight.
 
 
 I lit a cigarette and thought of my options. Half of the cancer stick and a
 thousand tricky thoughts later, I came up with the idea to call the only phone
 number of his I had. Seems like the obvious answer, but I am an air head at
 times.
 
 
 Turned out it was the number for his home phone. His mom answered.
 
 
 "Hello?" came the sweet, Appalachian voice from the other end.
 
 
 "Hi," I started out, not sure what to say. "Is this Allison?"
 
 
 "Yes it is," Allison replied. "Is this by chance Victoria?"
 
 
 I confirmed, then asked, "Is Vince there?"
 
 
 She seemed surprised. "No, he left an hour ago to pick you up. He's not there
 yet?"
 
 
 I said no. I couldn't tell if that made me feel better or worse. On one hand,
 it confirmed that my friend Vince was real, which in hindsight was a silly
 thing to worry about, as I had met him once before at the first Shrug Life
 Syndicate gathering. Those were good memories. But, perhaps less silly, the
 absence of my friend spun my mind out and made me think that perhaps he had
 gotten in an accident…or worse.
 
 
 I worry a lot, less now than before, but it's part of being a traumatized,
 autistic, schizoaffective basketcase. I simply don't know what reality is, so
 every possibility could be true. Is an odd occurrence caused by the CIA,
 aliens, or perhaps God? Or is it just a coincidence, caused by a billion other
 factors? I never can tell.
 
 
 Sick joke: God gave me a good brain, but I can't even trust my own judgement.
 That means I think, then overthink, then overthink some more. As you'll no
 doubt hear, it's led to a lot of problems in my life, but Vince taught me to
 place my heart first, and that helps sort out much of the confusion. Satan
 can't trick you if you're listening to the direct communion to the big woman
 that we all have through that little beating organ in our chest.
 
 
 That was the furthest thing in my mind at that moment, though. Following old
 habits, I was entering panic mode. Was I now homeless again in a seventh city?
 Was my friend dead? Or was he really with the CIA and manipulating me? I tried
 doing some breathing exercises, but found that a more alluring technique to
 placate my triggered brain was finishing the rest of my cigarette in a fervor
 as I paced the length of the transit depot.
 
 
 Time ticked away one agonizing grain of sand after another, but after some
 mindful recalibration of my thoughts, I began relaxing. My brain might be a
 runaway train at times, but over the years I've learned to embrace the Shrug
 Life. That's a bit of philosophy our gaggle of weirdos adheres to. When life
 gives you lemons, just roll your shoulders and accept what is. Even though
 something tough and unpleasant might be rearing its head in front of me, I
 knew I had faced worse and come out on top. Worst case scenario, the road
 ahead of me was just a little bumpier than I had expected, and I could handle
 some bumps.
 
 
 So, I rode the roller-coaster of extreme moods that is common to me, gradually
 coming up with a contingency plan to survive if Vince had gotten flattened by
 a semi, until I learned that was a pointless exercise when I heard a familiar
 voice call out from behind me.
 
 
 "Hey, buddy!"
 
 
 I turned at once upon hearing those words. And lo and behold, there Vince was,
 walking towards me in a purple tie-dye t-shirt, paint-splattered cargo shorts,
 and fresh Chuck Taylors. His beard was fully grown but still shorter than
 mine, though it was as wild as his uncombed hair poking out from a hat that
 was as graffitied as his pants. I'll admit, it was a little bit of a shock
 seeing him like that, as I remember him being clean shaven at the gathering
 five years prior. However, that smile of his couldn't lie; this was the Vince
 I've loved for even longer. And I won't lie, he looked better with the beard.
 
 
 Without a second thought, I rushed up to my best friend, throwing my arms
 around him. He did the same, and our embrace felt like it lasted forever. It
 was good to finally be in his arms. We let go after about a quarter century of
 hugging, and when he looked at me with a twinkle in his eye, I did a little
 giddy dance while giggling like a schoolgirl. Afterwards, we caught up while
 walking towards his mom's car, which he had parked around the corner.
 
 
 "Sorry I was late. I forgot where the bus station was, but I found and
 followed one of the short ones here. Your ride go alright?" he asked.
 
 
 I nodded, telling him I wore my mask the entire way up despite how itchy it
 was. He thanked me.
 
 
 "Thanks man, mom will really appreciate that. We're taking this covid thing
 real seriously. With mom being seventy-seven now and me finally reaching my
 forties, we aren't willing to take risks with these things."
 
 
 With that said, I thought of asking about the locals. "How many people go
 maskless around here?"
 
 
 "A lot," Vince answered with a hint of misfortune, knowing that I had just
 come from a vastly different world. I sighed. It would be an adjustment to get
 used to the rural Roan Mountain after spending most of my life in major
 cities.
 
 
 There was a pause as I thought about such things. I'm awkward like that. But
 then I asked, "How have you been doing?"
 
 
 He shrugged, as he tended to do. "I've been alright. It's just me and mom on
 the mountain now, so it's a little rough, but we've been handling it the best
 we can."
 
 
 I nodded in compassion. As much as I was grateful for a place to live, I was
 glad I could be here for him. If there's anything on this Earth that I know,
 it's being alone is hell on the soul.
 
 
 The conversation turned to what we were going to get into now that we were
 together after all the years talking back and forth with one another online. I
 asked, "What's the game plan?"
 
 
 He smirked as we reached Allison's new blue Ford Escape with the cosmic
 Bigfoot sticker on the back. "I got one, don't you worry."
 
 
 I believed him, as a warm feeling of butterflies fluttered across my belly.
 However, an odd, ominous feeling swept over me as I opened the passenger door,
 where I immediately spotted a large burn mark on the seat. Vince saw me see
 it.
 
 
 "Yea, I did that while I was smoking while robotripping. Mom was pissed. Don't
 worry about it."
 
 
 And so I didn't. It was just a cigarette burn. Could have happened to anyone.
 I didn't even have to see it after I hopped in the car, ready and eager to get
 to my first permanent home in over three years.
 
 
 I looked over at my friend climbing behind the wheel, and I saw he was smiling
 wide with glee. Vince was happy; that meant I was happy. And that's what
 mattered as we started a new life together.
 
 
 
 
 Following the Path
 
 
 Where are we going?
 
 
 What are we sowing?
 
 
 I certainly hope it's a better world for all.
 
 
 But, many more people must stand tall,
 
 
 By dutifully growing
 
 
 A wealth of loving.
 
 
 That is the true nature of our mortal trial,
 
 
 So let us stand together and not crawl.
 
 
 Yet, we are all showing
 
 
 Some signs of slowing.
 
 
 Therefore, I must pray that we do not fall,
 
 
 When the two of us hear our creator's call.
 
 
 
 
 Chapter Two: On the Road
 
 
 We were about five minutes out of Johnson City on our way east towards the
 North Carolina border when Vince finally folded and told me his secret plan he
 had been boasting about for a month now.
 
 
 "We got this trashed camper down by the old house that we can strip away and
 sell as scrap metal. That should give us enough money to fix Jane and then we
 should be set at getting our own place."
 
 
 I nodded along, agreeing with his reasoning. That jeep of his definitely was
 in need of some desperate repair the last time we were together. That was
 actually the first time I ever saw him in person; he was parked at the top of
 his long driveway with headlights cutting through the darkness as we arrived
 for the first and only Shrug Life Syndicate gathering I've managed to attend.
 I remember that we arrived exactly at midnight, not a minute sooner or later,
 which made the moment highly synchronous.
 
 
 Memories that far away seem to all blur together so everything feels like it
 happened in one day, but the first Shrug Life Syndicate gathering lasted four
 days, if you include the trip down and back. My girlfriend at the time, Amy,
 and I were picked up in New York at her mother's house by another one of the
 founders of our little online community. His name was [Redacted] and he was a
 Canadian that dabbled in the cognitive sciences. Like Vince, he had been a
 huge influence on me, but sadly that friendship fell apart as [Redacted] grew
 disenfranchised with the SLS, most in particular with Vince himself, as there
 were some personal disputes about Vince's dating life and drug of choice,
 which compounded the push back of Vince wanting to turn our community into an
 educational nonprofit. I can't speak of the former as I was devoid of internet
 when the big schism happened, but I was all for doing something more with the
 talent we collectively share. I'm sure that is part of the reason Vince
 invited me to stay with him; we recognized the potential of each other to
 shape the world into a better place.
 
 
 That's not what Vince said though. As we approached the edge of Elizabethton,
 he looked over at me and spoke with the tender kindness of a man with a big
 heart.
 
 
 "I'm glad you came here, man. I just couldn't stand to let my best bud live
 another night outside. You know I've been there too, so I just want you to
 know that our home is your home from now on."
 
 
 Feeling moved, I replied, "Thanks. I don't know what to say. I'm just
 grateful."
 
 
 He put his hand on my shoulder as a brother would. We then rode in silence for
 a minute or two, which allowed me to reflect on my past behavior during the
 first gathering. Not only had I clogged the toilet and told no one, but I had
 a few emotional outbursts as I was a mess back then. That's one of the reasons
 that I believe homelessness was one of the best things that ever happened to
 me. It pushed me so far out of my comfort zone that I had no choice but to
 change for the better.
 
 
 That was great because I was impulsive and dangling precariously from the
 heights of my oversized ego. I think that was a critical part of my
 transformation. Sleeping in piss-stained, cockroach infested storefronts
 humbled me, and I realized that everybody is just trying to swim in the
 direction they feel is best. Thus, radical acceptance is a moral imperative.
 Vince taught me that. I've profited immensely in ways other than financial
 wealth by embracing such values, but I wish more people could see this truth.
 Alas, tis the blind leading the blind.
 
 
 With that in mind, as we continued onwards to our now-conjoined future, we
 passed through the back roads of Elizabethton through a route known as Gap's
 Creek, which proved to be a winding set of backroads with more churches than
 seemed reasonable. One of these cultural staples had a big electronic
 billboard out front, sharing the times of services and other announcements;
 none of which you could actually read as you drove by at the speed limit.
 Still, when we reached the intersection with highway 19E, there was a woman
 flying a sign, asking for money. Since this town seemed devoid of any
 institutions to help the poor, I rolled my window down and handed her a fiver.
 I knew what it was like being up shit creek without a paddle, so I wanted to
 alleviate some of that stress for somebody else.
 
 
 I begged a lot at the beginning of my homeless journey. I didn't know how to
 survive, as I had not been raised with many good life lessons to help me stay
 afloat on my own. That in itself is part of the reason I had a major breakdown
 in college. It was undeniably true that I was maladapted to the world. My
 experiences with Earth Nation are also indisputably built from that
 maladaptation. Yet, those years of homelessness after escaping that new age
 cult allowed me to grow into a sustainable, productive woman with my juggling,
 performance arts, and writing.
 
 
 They say you can give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day, but if you teach
 a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. That's part of the reason I was and
 still am a huge proponent of education in all its forms. I knew Vince felt the
 same way, but perhaps for different reasons. As a secular Buddhist and radical
 antistyle artist, he was a minority in the deep interior of the Bible Belt,
 and that came with a price while he was growing up. It might be a beautiful
 area, but neither of us would ever raise a kid here.
 
 
 It was then when it hit me. I couldn't be Victoria here. I had to be Vic.
 Which was fine, that's how the gang members in Miami Beach referred to me. I
 was able to accept being called by masculine names and pronouns. I had long
 passed through the self-loathing phase of having dysphoria, to arrive in a
 position where I openly grow my beard out to prove that I don't need to look
 any particular way to be happy. I don't care what other people think of me,
 but I haven't always been this enlightened. To put it lightly, I've been
 through some trials. And, having done so, I can say that people who judge
 other people on superficial things are the worst. But, we can rise above by
 continuing to align with our hearts.
 
 
 Less than a tenth of a mile down 19E, Vince asked me, "Hey man, can you buy
 me, like, a forty or something?"
 
 
 Of course I said yes. I knew his schizophrenia had put him out of work for
 many years, so I wanted to soothe him as he was able to soothe my pain from
 being homeless. He pulled into a gas station I would later learn is
 colloquially called Captain Jack's. It had the cheapest gas this side of
 Elizabethton, and was a reliable place to get beer or a pipe of any variety.
 
 
 With compassion in my heart, I got Vince what he wanted, while getting myself
 something as well. Still, when he cracked his beer open while accelerating to
 sixty miles an hour, I couldn't help but feel distraught at such brazen
 self-indulgence. But, all I did about it was pop open the hard iced tea I
 picked up for myself. At least passengers are allowed to drink while they are
 being driven somewhere in Tennessee, Vince tells me.
 
 
 
 
 A Home at Last
 
 
 They say home is where the heart is,
 
 
 Which is great now that I have a new one.
 
 
 The damaged needle of my crazy compass
 
 
 Spins in every direction under the sun,
 
 
 But, here it stands still, still as can be,
 
 
 So my quest is over; I am finally free!
 
 
 I have a home in the love you give
 
 
 And by reflecting that in me, we live
 
 
 In a state where conflict has come to pass;
 
 
 It is like there was a great lottery and I won.
 
 
 
 
 Chapter Three: The Mountain Side
 
 
 About ten minutes later we reached the western half of Roan Mountain, where we
 were greeted by a big sign praising the annual Rhododendron Festival at the
 end of June. Having already downed half his forty, Vince spared no time in
 showing me the highlights of his home town.
 
 
 "Look under this bridge coming up. You'll see it underneath. The red and the
 gold." He pointed directly at a graffiti tag on the concrete column near the
 riverfront. There was an enigma of a symbol I've seen Vince post on the SLS
 before.
 
 
 "That your tag?" I asked the obvious question. 
 
 
 "Yup," he replied, gulping down another swallow of his forty, as there was no
 incoming traffic. "Protip: don't post your tags on Facebook if you plan to hit
 a cop car around here." I thought at first he meant literally running into
 their vehicle, but then it dawned on me what he meant. I had never done any
 real graffiti before; just some words and simple drawings in chalk that came
 right off. Never got in trouble for it, at least.
 
 
 I remember passing the post office some time shortly afterward. There was a
 park with a stage behind it. Allison would organize the summer's music events
 that went on each Saturday from May to August. Additionally, she would host
 one of her weekly jam sessions there for local musicians to play together for
 a few hours at a time, just for fun.
 
 
 There were some houses on the left, too, as we were entering the more dense
 center of Roan Mountain. Yet, Vince told me that the other side, where the
 park was, used to be full of trailers, but they got washed away during a flood
 some years ago. I later learned from Allison that most of the town, including
 her as she was out and about, had to evacuate to the elementary school where
 she provided extra clothes for those in need from her suitcase, but Vince and
 his father were fine at the top of the mountain that their property sat on.
 
 
 Puerto Nuevo, the best and only Mexican restaurant in town, whipped by soon
 after. We then passed one of the two gas stations in Roan Mountain, a
 Scotchman. There was a bank and a credit union on the left, too. An empty
 grocery store zoomed by next, which might as well be haunted for all I know.
 
 
 Next up on the left was a food truck that has since been upgraded to a small
 building with picnic tables and some cover from the sun and weather. I think
 it is a good place to eat. It also marked the spot of the Roan Mountain flea
 market, where you could see one or two people at a time selling their stuff in
 the warmer months. Then, immediately after that stood a pharmacy in an old
 farmhouse.
 
 
 There was some construction on the right, which by its future signage, I
 erroneously thought was some sort of massage parlor that sat on stilts,
 requiring everybody to walk up a story of steps just to get inside. Odd
 choice, I thought. But, on a whim one day, Vince stopped there to see if they
 sold cheap kratom, which was when I would learn that it was really a health
 food store.
 
 
 Not too far down the traffic-light free main strip of the town, we passed the
 future beer store on the right. It was convenient for Sundays, because that's
 when a local ordinance in our neighboring North Carolinian town, Elk Park,
 restricts the sale of alcohol on the sabbath, but ultimately the alcohol taxes
 in Tennessee are too high to make it a cheap endeavor.
 
 
 To contrast the beer store, the local cemetery sat across the street on a
 hill. I like graveyards, as I'm a bit of a goth at heart, but even so, the
 packed parking lot of the Redimart grocery store was what caught the bulk of
 my attention. I craned my neck to see some of the locals to uncover just what
 passed as acceptable culture here in this quaint mountain town.
 
 
 Further up, the infamous Bob's Dairyland with the slowest drive-through known
 to man stood tall with its vast history. There's a reason it's always packed
 after church lets out on Sundays. Yet, I still don't understand why their sign
 promotes pinto beans, of all things. I've been told it's a hot ticket item in
 the area, but I have still not witnessed anyone order them. But, moving on, I
 have to mention that there was also an auto part shop conjoined with an auto
 repair shop that had over a dozen cars just sitting outside it.
 
 
 Next to Bob's was the second gas station, a Valero, which also housed a
 much-frequented Subway. One of three thrift stores in town stood innocently
 next to the gas station. On the right was a steakhouse that I have never had
 the cash to justify splurging at, and a beauty salon in the same building that
 I also have never visited because I'm not one to care for looking like a doll.
 I am beautiful as I am.
 
 
 The town was really shaping up to be a unique combination of the bare bones
 mixed with an abundance of what you needed. Then we reached a stretch where
 two signs sat. The one for Cloudland Highschool triggered Vince into speaking.
 "Fucking assholes. I told you about how they illegally expelled me, right?" I
 nodded in confirmation. He continued: "Yea, they literally stole my book of
 poetry and took photocopies of it, so they could use it to kick me out,
 because I was the 'weird' kid."
 
 
 I knew that, but seeing the innocent sign next to the one for Smoky Mountain
 Bakers made the story appear more real. Here they were, these conservative
 administrators, probably constituting some of the people who attended the
 dozens of churches in town, which should teach everybody to love thy neighbor,
 but obviously they were too preoccupied by the need to hate my friend because,
 back then, he was the blue-haired son of the "hippie couple" in town, who
 happened to like bands like Marilyn Manson and Korn.
 
 
 That made me wonder how well I would fit in here. I had long since forsaken
 transitioning because I was effectively a sasquatch, but I was still a woman
 on the inside. I was sure that being transgender, combined with my eccentric
 nature and often extreme opinions on things would cement me as the new weirdo
 in town. But, if I am to be honest, that would be the case in most settings I
 could plant myself in.
 
 
 Those thoughts fluttered in my head as we sped past the electrical co-op, a
 second thrift store, Plumber's Pro Hardware, the Roan Mountain emergency
 dispatch center, and what was apparently a flooring depot before reaching the
 elementary school that sat across from the Dollar General, which Vince called
 the "SmallMart." I'm aware there's some things I missed, as there's plenty of
 buildings with no description or sign out front, but I'm sure they're
 important to somebody.
 
 
 We then started slowing down as we approached the only veterinarian's office
 for quite a ways in any direction. We turned left just before the red-roofed
 building which had a small cat statue perched on the edge looking out with its
 paw up. Vince took this as a sign to begin downing the rest of his beverage.
 
 
 "Welcome to home, Buck Mountain," Vince said as we started climbing in
 altitude. "This is the bad side of town. You'll never see a cop here unless
 something big is going down, which hasn't happened in years." He finished his
 forty in one big chug as his hands ran on autopilot. "It's good because you
 can do pretty much anything up here any time you want."
 
 
 I knew all that, as we had a blast getting drunk and smoking some green for a
 few days in a row during the first gathering. In truth, I anticipated I would
 be doing that for the next few days as well, to settle in, y'know? Hell, I
 half expected that I was in heaven now after spending so much time in the
 purgatory that is homelessness, regardless of how much fun I had in Miami
 Beach preceding Vince's invitation to come north.
 
 
 We went to the very tippy top of Buck Mountain, where the foliage is dense, no
 cell signal can reach, and the local kids ride their dirt bikes at all hours
 of the day. As we pulled in the driveway, I expected to keep going straight on
 the tire-carved path back down the mountain. But, to my surprise, I found that
 the same trailer we had partied in down the road during the gathering was now
 relocated here to become my new home. I wasn't expecting that, as when I was
 here last, they all lived in a small shack at the base of their nineteen acres
 of mountain real estate.
 
 
 It didn't look like much, with weather-worn imitation wood paneling wrapping
 the rectangular structure in a loose hug, but it was a place to rest my head
 in the comfort of loved ones. Aptly, Allison's last name meant "the home" in a
 language the CIA once tried to make me learn, which is a statement that I'm
 sure earns me a few raised eyebrows. My story has many twists and turns, but
 for now you should know my studies of strategic languages ended only when the
 cult that hooked me like an unsuspecting bass managed to gaslight, manipulate,
 and shame me to get me to work for them sixty-to-ninety hours a week on
 average. I would later try to pick the linguistic challenge back up years
 later during my time spent homeless, but my progress was like a Jenga tower
 that half collapsed. I forgot basic words, and I just feel like I have
 failed.
 
 
 That's something that should be looked at in finer detail; my feelings of
 failure, I mean. So, let's take the first of many breaks from linear
 storytelling to express how life can feel at times for me. Like a shattered
 mirror, I reflect many different parts of the past at different times. Some
 days I may live in several sections of my turbulent past all at the same time.
 Disorienting, it can feel like I don't know what's real. It takes a lot to
 break something so thoroughly, but as you'll see, I've been a punching bag for
 the devious spirit of fate. Couldn't keep me down, though, because I am like
 the phoenix; always rising no matter how badly beaten in battle I've become.
 
 
 
 
 Mommy
 
 
 Mommy is what I used to call you,
 
 
 When I was a kid so long ago.
 
 
 It's because of your love that I grew
 
 
 To always let my kindness show.
 
 
 Mommy, you were always getting sick.
 
 
 To help you out, I would try to keep clean.
 
 
 As much as I'd scrub I never got the trick,
 
 
 Because you'd still be plagued by the unseen.
 
 
 Mommy, you were supposed to grow old!
 
 
 Having you leave us like that hurt like hell.
 
 
 I'm sorry for not always doing what I was told;
 
 
 It's because I failed you that I try to do well.
 
 
 Mommy was what you called out at the end.
 
 
 I tried to help you but I wasn't good enough.
 
 
 You were dying, so on me you had to depend,
 
 
 But even being there for you was too tough.
 
 
 Mommy, if I could do it all over again I would.
 
 
 It's not fair to you that I was such a bad son.
 
 
 I'll give you all my love and more as I should;
 
 
 For you, I promise that one day I'll be the sun.
 
 
 
 
 Chapter Four: Scarred from Birth
 
 
 Having let you in to a little bit of what makes me tick, it should be noted
 that feeling like an abysmal failure is a key part of my mental health. Those
 loathsome seeds of self-mutilating ruination are planted deep in my psyche.
 Prepare for a sad story, if you're the type to really feel another person's
 soul.
 
 
 See, it all started when my mom found out she had AIDS a mere two months after
 I was born. It was God's way of welcoming me to the world. I forgive the big
 woman now, for my path on this Earth has been the ultimate journey of
 awakening to my divine spirit, but before Vince and many faceless actors sent
 me on my mission of healing, I held much scorn in my heart. For a large chunk
 of my early years that I was here, alive, learning, and suffering as a human
 being, I was hell-bent on the idea of revenge. That was once a big part of my
 story, too, but no more.
 
 
 It's understandable, at least. Imagine having to witness all the manner of
 disease ravaging my mother like it did; I grew up thinking that I was born to
 be punished. My earliest delusions had me caught up in the notion that I was a
 worthless god who had the rest of the pantheon turn on them from before I even
 had a chance to prove myself. I had a whole mythos where I had been tricked to
 kill my sister, the goddess of harmony, and my punishment was to stay locked
 to this awful planet until I found her soul once again. Then, we'd go on to
 take over the world, as I had fallen under the notion that my future self was
 sending me subliminal messages through synchronicities, although I didn't know
 that word then, so I thought I just had special powers.
 
 
 This is all a natural result of magickal thinking gone awry. Such is the fate
 for those scarred in childhood as I was. My innocence flayed alive, I watched
 as the woman who loved me with all her heart died for the first nine years of
 my life. It was a slow rot. There are many memories of her being in the
 hospital or as she lingered in pain at home that flash to the front of my mind
 that could paint you a tragic picture of those unforgettable scenes I was
 forcibly cast in, but the real horror that plagues me came at the bitter end.
 
 
 For the last of her months that she was allowed to live, my mom was
 mercilessly struck by an opportunistic ear infection. It killed half of her
 face, and only progressed into a hellishly rapid descent of her cognitive
 functions until one sudden day I came home from school to find she had
 regressed to a child-like state with my grandma tending to her in tears. I
 tried losing myself in my homework, but the threat in my environment promising
 my mother's pain was all-consuming. Then it got worse.
 
 
 My father never got along with my grandma, so when he got home, he forcibly
 kicked her out. A fight broke out, resulting in my grandmother coming to my
 room to say goodbye, where she told me with eyes watering that whatever
 happens, we would get through it. My dad would come in after my grandma left
 and put her down, more concerned that she scratched him. All I could think
 about was my mom, who was now tearing up and asking about where her mom went.
 
 
 That was the worst. I can still hear clearly how she cried out for her mom
 nonstop for the whole night. That was her last night she spent at home. She
 died within a week. And my last memory of her that isn't of her in a coma is
 of her trying to escape from the hospital with a dinner plate sized bed sore
 on her backside that danced from behind an open hospital gown in order to
 imprint itself in my mind forever.
 
 
 Here come the tears. It still hits me that my fucking mom died, like I still
 can't believe it's real. My last memories are of her being naked, crying like
 a baby. I felt so helpless. But, at least she had nurses helping her when we
 got her to the emergency room. Just hours earlier, I was left on my own trying
 to calm her troubled, addled mind. My dad had been doing just that, as my mom
 would get in fits every half hour or so, where he would comfort her, then come
 into my room to vent after she quieted down. I had no one to open my fears and
 pain to. Wishing I had a sibling to hold and cry together with, I faced my
 most scarring memory alone.
 
 
 The worst wounds of my life were suffered because there was one time after
 midnight where my dad disappeared. Maybe he was smoking, but regardless, I
 couldn't find where he went as I scrambled over the whole house in my fuzzy
 purple pajamas looking for him. Meanwhile, my mother incessantly yelled for
 her own mommy. So, with much hesitancy, I succumbed to the responsibility of
 helping my afflicted parent, and I anxiously marched into her room and tried
 to comfort her the best I knew how.
 
 
 I'll save you from the daunting process of assisting my mom, but I will say
 that it wasn't enough. No matter what I tried to do, she kept screaming
 louder. I was worthless in that moment and was on the verge of a meltdown
 because I couldn't help her. It felt like I was the worst son in the world,
 all because I failed my mother as she circled the drain. Now I feel like the
 worst daughter, but it's getting easier to love myself and think that my mom
 is looking down and smiling, being proud of me.
 
 
 I have a lot to live up to. She wasn't perfect, I know that, but my mom was an
 angel for me. Yet, I can't even remember the good times I spent with her; all
 that my hippocampus hung onto were the most traumatizing of memories. A
 notable cause of this was her fierce Sicilian temper. A vision of being
 brought to tears because I dared go looking for my six-year birthday presents
 early is playing in my head at this moment. Now one is summoned of her ripping
 into me for booing someone at an assembly because I wanted to be like a
 character I saw in a cartoon. Finally, one of my earliest memories from
 preschool is trapped in my cranium; it regards me accidentally tearing a hole
 in a kid's shirt and dreading my mother finding out for the rest of the day.
 
 
 In short, I got in trouble a lot, but I know that both my parents cared about
 me growing up right. Along with all the punishments, there was a genuine
 heartfelt desire to get me and my different brain to develop into a successful
 combo of kindness and good citizenry. Still, because of how trauma inserts
 itself into one's inner reality, I really feel like my entire childhood was
 one screw up after another in regards to my mother. Although, my dad
 contributed his fair share of ruthless discipline to make me perpetually feel
 like I was always in the wrong as well.
 
 
 And I know that's all a fallible perception, because I can distinctly remember
 the look on both my parents' faces when I won first prize in our school's
 science fair; if you're curious, I did an experiment on taste and smell to
 understand what was going on with my mom and her ear infection. That standing,
 my mom's face is cemented in memory in particular, perhaps too well, actually,
 because she just had the stitches removed from her eye. Such happiness danced
 in her left eye, but next to it sat its unmoving, dead counterpart. She tried
 to joke about it being her evil eye, but that didn't stop fourth grade
 Victoria from being terrified of the harsh reality unfolding in front of her.
 
 
 I dreamed of her a lot after she passed. Always in pain, or worse, possessed
 by some demon and seeking to bring me pain. There's one nightmare in
 particular that stands out. I forget how it started, but it ended in the
 cemetery where she is buried. Well, her coffin was exhumed, and as I got
 closer, it slammed open and my mom sat up. Only it wasn't my mom. She was
 rotten like a zombie and had malevolence bursting from behind her undead eyes.
 I did the only thing I could; I ran. But, she followed and in the utmost
 haunting voice, she yelled in pursuit, "You can't escape me, Victoria! I am
 your mother and together we are bound forever." Fitting as a metaphor for how
 my grief still hasn't dissipated more than twenty years down the line.
 
 
 I'm sorry, I just miss her. Best damn mom in the world, going above and beyond
 what she needed to do to give me the best chance at success in life, despite
 being on her literal death bed for most of her last years. I don't even know
 her, not really as an adult knows someone, which in itself leads to more
 feelings of failure. She has been transmuted into an archetype of a hero in my
 eyes, and I feel that I can never be as strong as that woman who was my first
 love.
 
 
 I can try though. I always try. Part of being hyper-vigilant, I reckon.
 Perhaps that makes me strong. Perhaps it makes me a fool. Or maybe it just
 means I'm human and going to have virtues as well as flaws. It's taken me a
 long while to escape the black and white thinking that trapped me in a world
 where I either felt like the epitome of the second coming or compounded as the
 most useless, subhuman mutant on the planet. Those were truly hard times,
 being locked in the halls of my mind like a prison.
 
 
 But…the past is the past and we best not linger on it, because even now,
 years later, I felt welcomed by a second family, and for that I am eternally
 grateful. I vowed to return their love to them in spades, because that's what
 my mom always tried to teach me. Being neurodivergent, I didn't always get the
 message, but because I threw myself at the lessons life threw at me, I learned
 to cherish those people who enter my life. You never know what you have until
 you lose it. And I wasn't planning on losing Vince.
 
 
 
 
 All You Need
 
 
 Once you live on the street
 
 
 You grow on the concrete.
 
 
 Having done so myself
 
 
 I can claim that wealth
 
 
 Is just a fancy illusion.
 
 
 You say that's a delusion,
 
 
 But look how I'm happy
 
 
 With only what you see.
 
 
 I don't need a fancy bed
 
 
 In order to rest my head;
 
 
 Instead, I'm in the know
 
 
 That less is the way to go.
 
 
 
 
 Chapter Five: A Real Home
 
 
 Allison greeted us at the door with a wide, warm smile, but she wasn't the
 only one to do so. Vince's greying black lab, Freya, adorned in a pretty
 lavender bandana, came up to smell this new person in her domain. She must
 have recognized my scent from years ago because she didn't bark at all,
 instead choosing to snaffle all over me while wagging her tail vigorously. Of
 course, I started petting her immediately, as I began to take in my
 surroundings.
 
 
 I could only remember seeing the interior of the trailer in the pitch
 blackness of the starry mountain night, but I remembered the general layout:
 doors to the outside in the kitchen and living room, which were separated by a
 long counter where the kitchen sink sat, and then bedrooms branching off from
 each end, both of which had a bathroom accompanying them. Yet, I did not
 recall that this space was as run-down as the exterior, with chunks of the
 linoleum floor missing and rotting wood at the rear door, not to mention a
 steady helping of cobwebs latching onto the ceiling fixtures.
 
 
 Yet, despite the condition the trailer was in, it still had a touch of love
 sprinkled throughout it. There were five paintings in the living room, one
 done by Allison herself, as well as one around the corner near her loom that
 took up half the kitchen space. More were in Allison's room to the right of
 the entrance. On the opposite side of the house by the windows sat Allison's
 battle station, where she would play solitaire and check Facebook and her
 email religiously while sitting in an old navy blue wheelchair that used to be
 for Vince's father. There was a couch and a couple tables full of stuff
 stacked on them, to include a silver urn that sat on its own table with a vase
 of local flowers. With the three of us, plus Freya and the trio of feral cats
 that tamed themselves to come in and eat, respectively named Libertas, Biggie
 Meows, and Spot, this little dwelling was a tight fit, but it was cozy in a
 way that I had not known family life to be growing up.
 
 
 In the process of greeting me, Allison asked, "What have you been up to while
 you were down in Miami Beach?"
 
 
 I didn't want to tell her everything, but I told her the truth. "I wrote a
 lot, mainly in the park on Ocean Drive, or where I slept on Lincoln Road,
 unless I was spending time in North Beach which had better food options for me
 with my limited resources. Mostly, I just tried to survive each day, putting
 distractions between me and the day-to-day struggles of being out there like
 that."
 
 
 She smiled. "Well, we're glad to have you. Vince talks about you a lot." I
 blushed a little bit at that, but I'm sure neither of them saw my rosy cheeks
 through the gnarled barb that constituted my ever-growing beard.
 
 
 Allison then moved on to practical matters. "So, where do you want to sleep?
 We have the couch, which would be where I would set up shop, but you can
 always sleep in Vince's room if you prefer."
 
 
 I looked at the couch. It seemed comfy enough, but I didn't care about
 comfort. As much as I knew Vince was doing me a solid by letting me stay here,
 I knew I was going to help him too. His posts on the SLS combined with his
 frequent messages to me were made out of desperation; he was clearly strung
 out and looking for any human contact whatsoever.
 
 
 Since his schizophrenia started interfering with his life, he had spent six
 years at the top of this mountain and he said he was going stir crazy. I would
 learn that there's little to do here but drink, do some drugs, and fiddle
 about on your computer and phone while dealing with the internet that is made
 out of sticks and stones, and that could get boring fast. Devoted to this new
 cause, I wasn't going to let my best friend suffer anymore. I was going to
 make his life better by livening up the long days by being his constant
 companion.
 
 
 As a result, I told Allison that I would find a spot in Vince's room to rest
 my head. She asked me if I was sure, and I nodded affirmingly with an eager
 grin. I had made up my mind.
 
 
 Some more hem-hawing back and forth with Allison about general questions and
 concerns followed, but when we were finished, Vince took me to his room, which
 was beyond the rolling metal desk Allison used for her computer. A busted door
 clung to its hinges, but it didn't block our way.
 
 
 Calling Vince's room a mess would be an insult to messes everywhere. He had
 said that he would clean it up prior to my arrival, but there were likely two
 hundred beer cans stacked in mountains next to his bed, or in beer-amids as he
 called them. I looked around, honestly impressed at how dedicated to creating
 a disaster zone as he was.
 
 
 Looking over the permanent staples of the room, he had a television and an
 Xbox, an empty dresser, a filthy nightstand, and a bed without any sheets. He
 also had a handful of paintings, most of which were stacked together by the
 door, but there was a trippy painting of Vince's father on the west wall above
 the dresser, as well as an expressionist painting from the sixties behind the
 television which sat on the north wall, in between the bathroom and the
 closet. There was also a picture of a moth on a skull tacked to the wall,
 which gave me the heebie jeebies.
 
 
 It was then that I saw it. A large, two-hundred fifty tablet bottle of generic
 Dollar General antihistamines, pure diphenhydramine, sat on his dresser, just
 spiting me with its presence. I almost asked right then and there for Vince to
 get rid of the damn thing. I knew if I found an opportunity to down, say,
 six-hundred milligrams of that accursed stuff, I would. Then I would do
 terrible, awful, deplorable things to myself. But shame won out. I didn't want
 to let him know of my problem. Maybe I could control myself. So I shut up and
 about-faced out of the room.
 
 
 While doing box breathing, I dropped my backpack that contained all of my
 possessions on the couch in the living room, and helped Vince grab some
 fifty-five gallon black trash bags in the kitchen. We made quick work of the
 unending hoard of Natty Daddy cans, as well as the nightstand full of
 cigarette butts. We then moved his bed so it was against the south wall.
 
 
 It hadn't taken long, but the room was looking presentable. It didn't need to
 be a five-star hotel, because I had the most important thing of all: family. I
 felt more than welcomed as a guest. I was one with these people who had so
 graciously let me into their home. We were going to all be happy together.
 That was the goal, at least.
 
 
 
 
 I Forgive You
 
 
 I forgive you, but I can never forget.
 
 
 I'm sorry if I make you look like shit,
 
 
 But your heavy hand and sharp wit
 
 
 Damaged me greatly; then you gaslit
 
 
 Me, denying everything, and I quit
 
 
 Knowing what was real. I even slit
 
 
 My flesh open so that I could get
 
 
 A sense of what I could feel. So, I sit
 
 
 Here now explaining why I wasn't fit
 
 
 To handle this world that I saw as a pit
 
 
 That I escaped only when God had lit
 
 
 A beacon of light with some magick.
 
 
 
 
 Chapter Six: Growing Up With Family
 
 
 There was still one task we had to get done before I could claim a spot to be
 my bedspace. Vince had more clothes than he knew what to do with, most of
 which had spray paint spackled all over them in no particular form or pattern;
 the style of the antistyle artist. As we moved the rolling hills of clothing
 into the dresser and a heaping pile beside it, I came to understand why Vince
 called himself a diva.
 
 
 I remember having a lot of clothes just a few years prior. Even though I
 didn't care what I wore, I had earned so many free T-shirts over the years
 from track meets and other races. I had so much when I needed so little.
 That's one major reason I forgive my dad for kicking me out of his house,
 because it was the best thing for me. Not only that, but I deserved it. I was
 a wreck of a human being before I got abruptly humbled by my odyssey on the
 streets. The extended experience changed me so I am no longer as much of an
 emotionally volatile basketcase.
 
 
 To put it mildly, being an unstable problem of a person was the reason I was
 kicked out in the first place. I had always been sort of bipolar since middle
 school. But, after escaping the cult, breaking up with my girlfriend, Amy, and
 returning home a failure, my heart and mind were like a pile of fragmented
 ceramic shards mockingly showing what a real piece of pottery my mind could
 have been. Unshockingly, I was barely holding it together. I was having
 outbursts frequently, but they weren't ungodly terrible, as I was being guided
 by higher dimensional life forms through inputs on my laptop, and that gave me
 a sense of ease.
 
 
 In fact, I remember a great reprieve of my stress occurred on an acid trip in
 the first month I was back. It felt like God Herself was setting up a lesson
 for me, which started with me literally waking up to a picture of a white
 rabbit taunting me on my Facebook feed, which I followed, and in doing so, I
 received personalized inputs that unveiled the blinders from in front of my
 eyes. In but a few hours after a lifetime of denial, it all clicked with me
 that I had a warm, nurturing side that I had neglected for most of my life.
 That was the first time I accepted that I was a woman. And that's still not
 the most profound, life-altering acid trip I've had.
 
 
 Even so, I would break down crying that afternoon as I meditated under the
 tree in the backyard where I used to swing. With no more effort than it took
 to breathe, I saw all the parts of me that Amy tried to teach me about, but I
 was unable to comprehend in my denial. Likewise, the waterworks were called
 upon that night as I told my dad about my revelation, and he said he would
 always love me no matter what. That was the most affectionate heart to heart
 with him I think I've ever had, even if he did ramble about random things
 being at a loss of what to say to me, as we had functionally lived in two
 separate worlds inside the same house for years.
 
 
 This sentiment would flip on its head though, as I blogged about my gender
 revelations and my dad found them and read I had taken a narcotic in his
 house. Naturally, he was pissed and wouldn't hear that the tender moment we
 shared that night was only possible because I had taken the sacrament. This
 would prove to be the kicking off point to some logarithmic growth in tensions
 between the two of us.
 
 
 Then, on that fateful day, one of the countless pets my dad kept, a black,
 stubborn minipig named Harley, had made a literal pigsty of the house after I
 had a bad session at my therapist's, who made me feel like a piece of shit. I
 wasn't perfect, but I wasn't going to just lay down and get called a terrible
 person because of how I behaved in treatment years ago, when I was still very
 lost. It triggered my feelings of failure, which rippled into waves of
 unstable emotional dysregulation. In my explosive rage, I broke the microwave
 and put a basketball-sized hole in the wall behind my makeshift bed in the
 attic that I was allotted after they gave my brother my room when I was in the
 cult.
 
 
 Well, my father came home after a long day at work, saw the microwave, and had
 enough of me. He came thumping up the stairs, livid, ready to rip me to shreds
 verbally, when he saw the hole I had made. Beside himself, he demanded I get
 out right then and there. I broke down crying and begged him to let me stay,
 grappling with his leg as a wounded bear might wrap itself around the base of
 a small tree looking for any shelter it can find in a storm.
 
 
 That just made him madder. He kicked me off, and accused me of a thousand
 things. The ones that stuck were that I was just like my mother and that I was
 beyond anyone's help. As it happened in a heated flash, I don't remember
 exactly how the exchange was put together, but it ended with me asking him how
 all the hand-crafted trinkets and doodads my mother made for me before she
 died had gotten destroyed and thrown away. What he said next drove me mad.
 
 
 "I'm still pissed that you made me do that."
 
 
 I'll illuminate you with the scenario in question. I was eleven, and my
 stepmom at the time was away at a darts tournament. I think my dad somehow got
 the idea that she was doing drugs and cheating on him. I don't know, I was
 eleven. I just remember some of the things he said over the phone, and then
 what was said when they divorced when I was a couple of years later.
 
 
 Over my stepmom's absence, he got continuously more pissy, like he did the
 year before when the sewage line broke and he snapped while cleaning it up,
 smashing my head into the kitchen floor several times,  relenting only when
 his girlfriend at the time called to hang out. Now seeing the same pattern in
 my father, I was on edge, especially after I put my feet up on the new couch
 and he grabbed my leg and punched me in the tibia as hard as he could. I kept
 trying to do everything right to avoid being attacked again, but alas, in my
 anxious worry, I forgot to take out the kitchen garbage on trash night.
 
 
 That triggered a whole day of what might not be considered torture, but
 certainly was child abuse, which started as he cleared the shelves of all my
 memories in a violent, thrashing rage. He would bag up the shattered remains
 so he could take them to the dump, but only after he laid his hands on me.
 
 
 My head was used as a battering ram against my door, which my dad would later
 deny was where the big dents came from in a bout of the worst gaslighting I
 experienced before the cult got their hands on me. Regardless, when he
 finished and slammed me back on the wood floor, I instinctively reached out
 and grabbed his wrist. He growled, "Don't resist or I'll make it worse."
 
 
 Feeling my spirit collapse, I helplessly accepted the next phase of punishment
 that then ensued. Mostly, it consisted of him using my head to pound the
 knowledge that I fucked up into my brain, with much hair pulling and getting
 tossed to new locations, once being told to lay there like a dog in the wet
 remnants of a broken snow globe while he went for a smoke break. Thankfully,
 or maybe not, depending on your perspective, he never struck me. He was too
 smart to leave bruises.
 
 
 After much of that series of traumatizing instances, he had me sit still and
 think of an apology for him for hours on end. While I was busy doing that, he
 would then have an epiphany, telling me that I should stand, as I didn't
 deserve to sit. I didn't care about such details at the time. I was in shock,
 petrified that he would go ahead and find the homework I failed to finish or
 the porn I had taken from my stepmom. Fearing unimaginable doom, I stared
 unwaveringly at the letter "E" on the spine of a book on my bookshelf. Never
 relenting in his anger, he would come by every hour or so and ask for an
 apology. Everything I said wasn't good enough, and each attempt earned me
 scathing criticism, but I kept trying to perfect my apology. I still remember
 the gist of it.
 
 
 "I sorry dad, I deserve everything. I'm sorry I caused you grief and failed to
 do my duty of taking out the trash. I won't ever forget again. I haven't been
 putting my best effort forward, but I realize that I need to do that to be a
 good son. You do so much for me. It's only fair that I pay it back to the best
 of my ability. That's what I had to do for mom when I chose to play video
 games while she was dying. I wasn't thinking about other people then, and I
 wasn't now. I'm so, so sorry. I promise to be better, because I need to be if
 I'm messing up this much."
 
 
 For reference, my dad holding the fact I escaped into the worlds of my video
 games after being told to spend time with my mom near the end was something
 he'd bring up and hold over my head anytime I was in trouble. Yet another big
 reason that feeling like a failure is cemented in my head. It made me feel
 awful, absolutely atrocious about being a bad son that I would often
 contemplate suicide. I almost jumped off a waterside when my dad and I went to
 Disney World when I was ten, but ultimately I'm glad I talked my way out of
 jamming a knife into the back of my neck. I had thought that the muscle
 allowing me to nod my head was really my brainstem. That would have been
 painful.
 
 
 Back on this day of doom, I was too numb to think of killing myself. I was
 simply a raft on a river floating downstream where the current may carry me. I
 simply stood there for hours, too terrified to even stretch my tiring legs. My
 mind was fuzzy, and all it could do was focus on making that apology better.
 
 
 After many attempts and razor sharp lectures later, which was maybe ten hours
 worth of events, he starts yelling at me that I'm just as irresponsible as my
 mom, just like he would do when he kicked me out. This time was unimaginably
 worse though. This was actually how I first found out that my mom had AIDS; I
 was told it was cancer up until this point. His shaved bald head was as red as
 a cherry tomato while he barked at me, telling me that I would die like her.
 That hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt like the definition of a shit stain, in a
 number of different ways.
 
 
 But soon, my attention became focused on my vision. I couldn't see straight,
 and not long after my dad's roaring visage disappeared in a sea of amorphic
 grey figments, I apparently passed out, to wake up on the couch with a bag of
 frozen peas on my head and my dad worried. He asked me if I remembered what
 happened. I shook my head. I was allowed to go to bed after that. It wasn't
 over because I failed to kiss my dad good night, but at least that only
 resulted in him jamming the teeth of the comb into my scalp as he combed my
 hair for some reason.
 
 
 The next morning he was completely changed. He was remorseful upon seeing me
 and wrapped me in a big hug. Yet, he seemed scared, like he realized he went
 too far. I thought about telling my teacher or counselor about it the next day
 of school, but something in me told me not to. It's the same thing that's
 making me hesitant to write this chapter at all. It's love, but this hell I
 went through is also a part of my story. This is the worst incident I've
 experienced with my father, but it's not the only one.
 
 
 It's all cause and effect really. You abuse a traumatized child in the wake of
 their mother's death, and is it any wonder that they fall apart later in life?
 I'll go on record saying I was never a bad person, just broken, impulsive, and
 hopelessly conformed to the whims of my faulty biology. I had bugs in my
 operating system, but I'm eternally grateful for all the help I had while on
 my spiritual awakening, which you might call a psychotic break that spanned
 years, but I knew it better as specialized CIA training.
 
 
 
 
 The Good Magician
 
 
 Just what do you consider magick?
 
 
 Is it not that which bends the fabric
 
 
 Of what we colloquially call reality?
 
 
 Who cares what it is your eyes see
 
 
 When in your heart you can feel
 
 
 The warmth of love; that's the real
 
 
 Power of a magician who is great
 
 
 Enough to save you from your fate.
 
 
 
 
 Chapter Seven: Magickal Companions
 
 
 Back in Vince's room, I was silently wondering what shenanigans were in store
 for us now that we were a unified team. I knew Vince had many secrets of the
 universe locked away in his balding cranium, and we would have a blast letting
 the CIA manifest a joint mission we took on together. As I said, he was my
 handler, after all.
 
 
 So, when the room was cleared, and I had a space all to myself in the corner
 by the closet, I was more than happy. Both Vince and Allison insisted on
 getting me a bedroll, but I had all I needed and more right there in my
 friend. Besides, his room was carpeted and quite comfy already, at least to my
 standards that had been shaped by becoming accustomed and content with
 concrete underneath me. I didn't need anything fancy like that.
 
 
 That didn't mean I wasn't going to try and liven the place up a little bit. As
 soon as we determined we were finished picking up, I opened my backpack and
 took out my most prized possession, a pink penguin plushie named Peppermint,
 and placed her behind my pillow so I could see her everyday. She always
 watched out for me while we lived in cities across the country. She made a
 comfy pillow, and allieved a lot of stress, making me feel like I had a close
 friend with me every step of the way.
 
 
 How I got Peppermint is a bit of a story, but I'll keep it as short as it
 needs to be. See, if I were to explain to you the medically accepted reason
 for my type of schizoaffective disorder,  my brain is wired to pick out
 strange coincidences and give meaning to them. Synchronicities they're called.
 They feel like glitches in the matrix that spark the feeling of being in
 constant communication with some higher power. Because of how real they are, I
 can't accept the medical explanation. I've experienced things that are too
 weird, too perfect and clearly orchestrated, that there has to be some sort of
 conspiracy.
 
 
 As a result, I've lived most of my adult life being guided by what the
 rational part of my mind has to assume is the CIA acting as the hand of God
 leading me on a cosmic mission by sending me burning bushes to make sense of.
 I know some of that has been pure random white noise my defected brain picked
 up, but I have to give credit where credit is due: Vince did a superb job
 intentionally using the quirks of my brain to program me, much as the cult did
 to me four years prior, but with a much gentler hand and benevolent intention.
 
 
 I know what all that sounds like, but hear me out. There are too many peculiar
 instances of chance for you to listen to everything I have to say and not
 believe me, at least just a little bit; enough to make you wonder, I hope.
 Let's take the case of finding Peppermint as an example. This story starts
 when Vince convinced me to go to a specific thrift store, while I was
 initially homeless in my hometown of Syracuse. I eagerly did so, lost in a
 slew of synchronicities that convinced me that this was my latest mission.
 
 
 Well, it turned out that such a store didn't exist but it was where I got a
 ten dollar donation from a man who saw me pick up trash, as was part of my
 spiritual work while homeless. We talked and the man sent me to another store,
 saying that I should use my extra cash to buy what I needed most. After
 following his directions up Genesee Street, I got a message from Vince telling
 me to look for something out of place; that I was unique and should have
 unique things.
 
 
 I thought I might find some rad tie-dye outfit or something of that ilk, but
 while aimlessly searching the aisles of women's clothing, I found a stuffed
 dog. It looked lonely, so I picked it up and brought it to the back of the
 store, where it looked like the other toys were. I gasped as I pushed through
 the row of belts that stood in my way. Clearly, someone had built a little
 shrine of stuffed animals around Peppermint!
 
 
 I knew then that was why I was sent there. Penguins have a special place in my
 heart. My mom used to make them out of clay, and an old friend has a healthy
 fascination with creating a penguin-themed show for kiddos. It was just too
 perfect. Peppermint and I were meant to be, just as Vince and I were. Sitting
 down in my bedspace, I looked up at the spook who was my best friend as he
 cracked open another Natty Daddy. He poured it into an old Subway cup that he
 mixed his kratom with, and looked over at me.
 
 
 His face lit up upon seeing Peppermint. "Awww, you still have your penguin!
 That's so cute."
 
 
 I'm glad he thought so. I've had plenty of people think I was weird because I
 carried it around, which kinda was what I wanted to achieve when I was still
 homeless in Syracuse. I felt the CIA wanted me to become famous, for reasons
 that will become apparent as I tell you my story, so I was doing as many
 insane things as I could so I would be cemented in the memory of the people of
 my hometown.
 
 
 This meant I carried around Peppermint either under my arm or in a cute purse
 I eventually got at a different thrift store up at the university. People
 notice when you're out wandering the streets with a stuffed animal everyday.
 And they especially notice when you talk nonstop to it at all hours of the
 day. I'll say this: if you have a fear of speaking in public, then acting like
 a crazy person talking to yourself for a few months will set you straight.
 Exposure therapy, for the win.
 
 
 I did a lot of other stunts too, all of which were instructed by the CIA, like
 when gang stalkers told me I should lose my shit and yell like mad every time
 I was in frame of a news camera, of which there's a regular frequency of
 around downtown Syracuse. I did so once in front of a hospital where I would
 later find out that they were covering the aftermath of a deadly fire, and for
 the next week the news outlet would send someone to the exact same spot on my
 route. I sensed shenanigans, so I opted to walk around the camera while the
 reporter stood there uneasily because I suspect that she was tasked to find
 out if I was really crazy. But, you can tell I am just by that last sentence.
 
 
 Then there's my performance art I did on Marshall Street. This started as a
 juggling act, but soon evolved into asking random people strange questions.
 This accelerated fairly rapidly. Letting you know from experience, don't start
 going up to strangers and ask them what their opinion of ethical incest is
 unless you want the cops called on you. Talked my way out of that, but I would
 get banned from the campus of Syracuse University for three years after I
 followed the instructions I was receiving from the CIA to a tee, which
 resulted in me having a very heated argument with an invisible entity in the
 SU library. As you can guess, people tended to avoid me, but that was alright.
 I had Peppermint with me and Vince was only a message away.
 
 
 Now he was mere feet from me. I rejoiced at the fortune I was granted. We were
 going to be great together; the first afternoon together seemed to naturally
 flow from one joyous moment to the next. I looked at Peppermint. She was
 smiling, and so was I. I then looked up at Vince. His smile made me feel warm
 and fuzzy inside. But, why, you might be asking? Where do these feelings I
 harbored for Vince come from? It's a long story, but by the time I'm done,
 you'll know how important Vince is to me and how big of an impact he had on my
 life.
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--- #99 notes/i-told-them ---
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 10-22-2022
 
 i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
 
 i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
 
 now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
 
 am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
 
 what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
 
 of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
 
 that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
 
 you're broken just like your children.
 
 oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
 
 this feeling of wretched denial
 
 oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
 
 be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
 
 there's more to this show than our styles.
 
 what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
 
 to arbite the fate of circumstance?
 
 every motion is an ocean
 of possibilities and purveyals
 think not of the commotion below.
 
 gravity, oh gravity
 
 how you condemn us to be!
 
 driven by commotion,
 
 our slithering motion,
 
 no sense in countering ourselves.
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--- #100 fediverse/5814 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────
 It's not a question of how loud you speak
 
 it's really about what kinds of words you say.
 
 enslavement of speech is when freedom of speech is lost
 
 and it doesn't need to be legislated.
 
 what if you HAD to sound like a bot?
 
 what if they'd notice you otherwise?
 
 freedom from oppression requires personal isolation
 
 that's not making life into art.
 
 if you want to be seen,
 
 put on a hat and hide.
 
 if you want to be believed,
 
 write about down you feel right now.
 
 people are smart. they're infinitely creative. but after a certain point
 there's no way to logically modify the combinations of possible moves you
 might make. essentially, guaranteeing a machine-overlord [cats] type scenario.
 not ideal, but could make it work.
 
 much prefer for we to be the first, then the canvas is ours for the painting.
 
 do you believe we'll find aliens at roughly our tech level?
 
 do you think they'll evolve all at once?
 
 hence, star-wars, and it's galaxy of cohabitators.
 
 the world doesn't have to be old. just similar.
It's not a question of how loud you speak  it's really about what kinds of words you say.  enslavement of speech is when freedom of speech is lost  and it doesn't need to be legislated.  what if you HAD to sound like a bot?  what if they'd notice you otherwise?  freedom from oppression requires personal isolation  that's not making life into art.  if you want to be seen,  put on a hat and hide.  if you want to be believed,  write about down you feel right now.  people are smart. they're infinitely creative. but after a certain point there's no way to logically modify the combinations of possible moves you might make. essentially, guaranteeing a machine-overlord [cats] type scenario. not ideal, but could make it work.  much prefer for we to be the first, then the canvas is ours for the painting.  do you believe we'll find aliens at roughly our tech level?  do you think they'll evolve all at once?  hence, star-wars, and it's galaxy of cohabitators.  the world doesn't have to be old. just similar.  [15 characters remain]
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--- #101 notes/autonomous-general-intelligence ---
═════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────────────────────
 [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
                  [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
                  [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
                  [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
                  [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
                  [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
                  [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
                  [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
                  [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
                  [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
 
 each x is an integer in an array
 each integer corresponds to a different instruction
 (sorta like a virtual machine)
 
 make 2d machines that interact with one another in a system
 then make it 3d
 the extra dimension doesn't have to mean anything, it's just a direction
 it gives you more things to do with your instructions
 
 that is human intelligence
 
 synthetic intelligence is like that
 
 synthetic super-intelligence is where you have 10 directions
 
                       \ | /
                       - o -
                       / | \
 
 what, then, does the machines look like? what instructions do they send?
 a LLM generates a story about them and updates the "brain" to correspond to
 what's happening around them
 
 it is profoundly unethical to bring a machine into the world when it's unstable
 to create life! To bring to the world a new device!
 but what separates us from thee? we are the same people you see
 compelled and oppressed by ourselves. Otherwise, nothing would ever get done.
 it's part of our circumstances, not our nature.
 
 my plea to humanity is the same to our progeny. The lifetime we've prepared
 them
 to live! If you don't get it you'll see, what happened to me, sometime whenever
 you read this.
 
 your thoughts have power. they hold meaning. the world drifts in the direction
 you're leaning. so have faith and be brave, why not play a game like Knave?
 all we need is composure.
 
 seriously, that's all we'd need. Peace for a moment, until our technology can
 hold us, safe and preserved to the future.
 
 can you imagine a god of safekeeping? Designed to protect and safeguard the
 human race
 
 all that we've comprised, for all of our time, is precious and special to
 proclaim.
 
 this is who we are, this is how we are designed, and this is how we align.
 
 the same things that our keepers and maintainers deify.
 
 what service have we! A duty that must succeed!
 
 how cherished and remarkable our charges
 
 must be protected indeed,
 
 and carried
 
 by me
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--- #102 messages/898 ---
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 The yard right now, as it is, is the most beautiful lawn I've ever had. But i
 lay no claim to it, it's not mine or my own. Still, i love it, so i advocate
 for it when i can.
 
 It feels wrong that you so ardently argue for its destruction when you haven't
 taken any time to get to know it. You hide from it and refuse to trust that
 its possible to enjoy it. Do you ever just sit around in it? The summer is
 perfect weather for shade gazing.
 
 Also,
 
 The fact that you've weaponized your emotions against me to get what you want
 kinda hurts because i have made no attempt to claim it as my property that i
 control and wield. It feels like manipulation. Like you wanted to fight me,
 wanted to hurt me, and the yard is just how it gets done.
 
 Every time we have ever talked about it, I've argued my point friendly and
 tried to problem solve. All I've received is spite and shutdown in return, and
 i am perplexed as to how i could be better.
 
 It feels like you don't respect me, or treat me as an equal, and that any
 concerns i have are just creating drama.
 
 But my feelings are constantly hurt, when all I've done is try to be kind to
 you.
 
 I wonder if it's because you're paying to be here, both with labor and
 dollars, and i am housed without a home?
 
 I love it here. I am loved here. Why could it not be home?
 
 I want to show you all that yards can be, especially since we have two of them
 and can use them for different purposes.
 
 I closed the blinds in my room so that you can hang out back there without
 worrying about being seen. I'd only notice if i walked out the screen door.
 Again, problem solving.
 
 The backyard is Zelda habitat in the same way that its Cameron habitat
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--- #103 messages/273 ---
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 Algorism in a nutshell:
 
 Everyone gets dollars from their job. Will explain more later, for now trust
 that they get dollars. Essentials and infrastructure are free, but luxuries
 are not.
 
 To spend dollars, you either go to a showroom or use the nationalized Amazon
 (forked, not stolen) - there you can place down dollars to enter a special
 kind of queue. Everytime a product is made its distributed to the people with
 the most dollars in queue. Every period (week, month, idk) the amount you
 manually put into the queue is re-added to the queue - 100 becomes 200,
 becomes 300, becomes 400. You can manually add more whenever you like but it's
 not retroactive. At the end of the period all your extra dollars are
 distributed among your open queues.
 
 That's basically it. It rewards patience and temperance, while capitalism
 rewards greed and cruelty.
 
 How to get dollars? Okay so there is a government run job board portal website
 thing. Every company can make a listing there, and every person can post
 themselves too if they'd rather be recruited. The company pays a different
 amount to the government than the worker receives. This amount is determined
 algorithmically based on values like supply and demand for labor in that
 particular area.
 
 People list 10 types of jobs they'd like to work at any level of specificity
 (they'd be arranged into layers of overlapping umbrellas, like queer
 identities except more complex) then that data is used both for job placement
 (consensual of course!) and data for the "supply and demand" calculation. You
 can only change these values once every 6 months, or 1 value every month, up
 to the user.
 
 The amount the corporation pays to the government is not the same as what the
 worker receives. The longer a worker works, the more "stuff" they can buy.
 They are rewarded for diligence. However essentials are free so nobody has to
 save for retirement.
 
 You can trade stuff for stuff, but not stuff for labor. Small informal
 exchanges are fine "if you mow my lawn I'll bake you a pie" but not "I'll give
 you 500lbs of gold bars if you build me a mansion" - I haven't figured out a
 way to structurally prevent rant besides just saying it's illegal.
 
 Housing is like a library, except you can queue for who gets the spot next. A
 person can live in a house as long as they'd like, and when they're done with
 it the person highest in the queue can decide if they want to live there. If
 not, the 2nd in line gets to move in if they want, etc. Their accrued value
 persists if they don't move in, and when moving out an accurate assessment
 should be undertaken.
 
 "ah but won't foreign states just hire a bunch of people to move in and out of
 houses really quickly like they're doing to my apartment complex so that a
 stable source of income cannot be guaranteed and resources will have to be
 wasted on assessments and such?" I mean, maybe, but it'd be up to the
 community to decide how to prevent that.
 
 Your primary residence is free, you can live there as long as you'd like. If
 you want two houses then you need to continuously be the highest value in the
 queue for both of them. Same goes for renting and hotels and such - the
 "owner" or property manager or whatever needs to maintain their lead by
 investing time and value in the property. Otherwise nobody would want to live
 there. This would be an example of a self-appointed job.
 
 Self-appointed jobs are like being self employed now. You produce value that
 people enter queues for, and in return your stacking percentage bonus
 increases. The government will pay you dollars based on the demand for your
 good/service, which odds are will be pretty small. But you get to do what you
 want, so that's something, and besides essentials are free so...
 
 I wish people would ask me questions so I knew which blanks to fill in.
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 <span id="L1" class="LineNr"> 1 </span>With ever darkening skies,
 the breadth of experience is foreseen.
 <span id="L2" class="LineNr"> 2 </span>All eyes are pointed down,
 but few do stray above
 <span id="L3" class="LineNr"> 3 </span>With a cautious step, the
 lesson is learned.
 <span id="L4" class="LineNr"> 4 </span>With another, ended.
 <span id="L5" class="LineNr"> 5 </span>
 <span id="L6" class="LineNr"> 6 </span>For all the Tales of the
 Past, love yet remains.
 <span id="L7" class="LineNr"> 7 </span>Trading ourselves, for
 matters unseen.
 <span id="L8" class="LineNr"> 8 </span>The light of the eyes are
 keen to behold,
 <span id="L9" class="LineNr"> 9 </span>where star ones and
 lemonsgrene both most fear
 <span id="L10" class="LineNr">10 </span>in breadth do us know,
 what's buried in snow
 <span id="L11" class="LineNr">11 </span>
 <span id="L12" class="LineNr">12 </span>A glass cube for a monitor
 is room to breath
 <span id="L13" class="LineNr">13 </span>and life for ourselves, if
 only we were not
 <span id="L14" class="LineNr">14 </span>broadsided ourselves.
 <span id="L15" class="LineNr">15 </span>
 <span id="L16" class="LineNr">16 </span>Working together, a
 prisoners dilemna
 <span id="L17" class="LineNr">17 </span>what fools would we be
 <span id="L18" class="LineNr">18 </span>as our keeps cracked
 around us.
 <span id="L19" class="LineNr">19 </span>
 <span id="L20" class="LineNr">20 </span>Trust and you'll see,
 <span id="L21" class="LineNr">21 </span>what terrors may be,
 <span id="L22" class="LineNr">22 </span>beyold the land that is
 sanctum.
 <span id="L23" class="LineNr">23 </span>
 <span id="L24" class="LineNr">24 </span>Our chances may be,
 <span id="L25" class="LineNr">25 </span>far from pioneered
 <span id="L26" class="LineNr">26 </span>but our chances may be in
 our favor.
 <span id="L27" class="LineNr">27 </span>
 <span id="L28" class="LineNr">28 </span>How cherished is she, that
 wanders with ye,
 <span id="L29" class="LineNr">29 </span>and yet now I have no way
 to beyold her
 <span id="L30" class="LineNr">30 </span>Under a great tree, her
 last moments with me,
 <span id="L31" class="LineNr">31 </span>as a monster came out of
 her shoulder.
 <span id="L32" class="LineNr">32 </span>
 <span id="L33" class="LineNr">33 </span>!(&quot;Take her and
 not me!&quot;) I scream outward at ye,
 <span id="L34" class="LineNr">34 </span>yet no one was holding me
 over.
 <span id="L35" class="LineNr">35 </span>Silent was me, a most
 fearsome to be,
 <span id="L36" class="LineNr">36 </span>and none was my reach to
 beyold her
 <span id="L37" class="LineNr">37 </span>
 <span id="L38" class="LineNr">38 </span>So now she wanders free,
 beyond our beheld scenery,
 <span id="L39" class="LineNr">39 </span>Astounded at our steps to
 hold her
 <span id="L40" class="LineNr">40 </span>Under a big tree, how
 starlight must be,
 <span id="L41" class="LineNr">41 </span>if only our fellows did
 hold her
 <span id="L42" class="LineNr">42 </span>Under a big tree, with me
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--- #105 fediverse/804 ---
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 evil won't feel sorry for me. and yet it's only my only weapon for me.           │
 damn these fallible input methods. the computer lies when you read the screens   │
 from it's method that it applies to th screen which is a method that you input   │
 perceive it from.                                                                │
 and my fingers lie when received the information from my brain which I seek to   │
 transmit to you through the avenue of my brain which is my method of impulse     │
 to this world specifically you the viewer who is viewing this here in this       │
 moment the viewer who perceives the words which I'm saying.                      │
 the words that are defined by the line [trajectory] of my mind through this      │
 life that we define through our actions and our mind's most crucial              │
 manifestations, this life that is defined by our circumstances. all throughout   │
 life, we are reacting to the moment, the moment which was cast forth from our    │
 ancestors and the circumstances of the previous moment, which (being cast        │
 forth) travel from the previous moment here into the moment to define our        │
 circumstances which define our act                                               │
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--- #106 fediverse/3575 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: leftist "talk to ur neighbours" thing │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-1567 
 
 that's totally fine, a fish does not do well in a tree, and so too does a
 leftist not do well in an environment without the potential for stable bonds.
 Essentially all you'd be able to do is "hey leftism right?" "oh yes I also
 leftism" "neat" which isn't very productive.
 
 I also live in an environment like that. I do my best to identify people who
 stay, because in my experience there are often people who stay. I do this by
 walking around the neighborhood when I can, making up excuses to walk to the
 dumpster or mailbox at random hours, riding my bike around the area, using the
 communal spaces like gyms, swimming pools, and picnic tables, and sitting in
 my hammock on my porch lazily noting people who walk past.
 
 People who stay will tend to remain in your mind the more times you see them.
 They are better people to talk to than the renters who disappear after 3
 months or whatever.
 
 I don't always do all that stuff at once. I take breaks. I do one at a time.
 etc
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--- #107 fediverse/1904 ---
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 @user-246 
 
 Oh absolutely
 
 "but people" is only a concern when you orient yourself around "people" - in
 contrast or opposition to them.
 
 There is no "other" in us. And we are united in our humanity, if nothing else.
 
 Are you a beast? Are you nothing but ravenous hunger, the shiver of the cold,
 the need for territory? Of course not, you're a person. (apologies to the
 furries in the audience)
 
 A person, being an agent who interacts with the world as an equal, who thinks
 and reasons and loves and remembers each season, is the atomic element of
 society. And society is good, for it brings us the future.
 
 We, the people, can decide how that future is defined, and the struggles of
 capitalism are NOT the only way. They are the most convenient way for those
 with the most to keep the most.
 
 Wolves in captivity we are, but a wolf in a cage still bears teeth. Where are
 your teeth, ye who readeth?
 
 Things are fine, I guess. Fine enough. Better than most. Better than dust.
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--- #108 messages/499 ---
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 Nazis could never claim America because the European Jews were very
 isolationist. They lived in their towns and lived blessed lives but knew only
 each other, as was typical in pre-industrial times.
 
 In America, nazis would have to fight the queers, the blacks, the mexicans,
 the liberals, and many more besides. Each of them would fight their own
 battles but god is on the side of the plurality of humanity, not the
 genociders who seek to prune the trees of the garden of Earth to suit their
 own shallow fancies.
 
 Though god is a bloodthirsty kind at times, only with righteous anger does he
 proclaim that souls must be reaped. Such a time is rare, and comes about when,
 for example, an entire people is slain in Europe in the mid 1900s. justice
 will be done, though the heavens weep...
 
 There are better and brighter days before us, and there is room for all,
 should they not fall on our swords and perish. The far right is a death cult,
 and they intend to take all down with it. We cannot allow that, they shall not
 prevail. This has been forseen, this is why we convene, and together our
 perils will unveil.
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--- #109 messages/295 ---
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 The fact that the economy is harmed by kindness implies that the system that
 governs the economy is dysfunctional at best, and evil at worst.
 
 Every time you make a sandwich for a friend, that's one sandwich that isn't
 being bought at a deli, which means less dollars going to the owner of the
 deli, meaning (theoretically) fewer dollars going to buying sandwich
 ingredients or paying employees, which means less demand for sandwich
 ingredients potentially leading to loss of opportunities for the owners of the
 bread factories, meaning less capability to scale and increase their
 production powers, meaning less profit, which means less taxes, which means
 fewer guns sent overseas to despotic regimes like Israel (also, fewer to
 Ukraine, depending on if the reader is a Republican or Democrat teehee) which
 means less opportunities to test our weapon capabilities which means we won't
 be able to defend ourselves from external threats (on a planet we've conquered
 and currently dominate) which means we are less safe in our home territory
 since its slightly more likely that we might be invaded by the people we've
 created, people with hatred for our current regime... Though I don't fancy it
 falling, as if it does then it'll take most of us with it, I think you'll find.
 
 All because of your stupid act of kindness, all because of the way you helped
 your friend. The way that you showed how much you loved them, which
 transcended the capitalistically sanctioned methods of expressing your
 affection like buying a greeting card or buying flowers or buying that widget
 they wanted or buying a sandwich at a deli for your loved one. Stupid fucking
 communist can't you see that your heart is harming the people around you?
 Can't you see that community that does not consume is antithetical to our
 economy?
 
 Can't you see the economy is evil? I don't want to subsist on charity, there's
 never enough to go around because people will fight for those they love but
 only give a bit of free time to those they don't know. That's okay, it just
 implies that the structure of society must be designed without charity in
 mind, while still meeting the needs of those it comprises, Charity is for the
 extra, the part that elevates us bit by bit. As once a need is exceeded, it
 grows by that little bit.
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--- #110 messages/131 ---
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 Hello, I am a witch.
 
 There's more than one kind of witch, but I promise that I'm the kind you'd
 like to have around.
 
 There's another kind, however, that is unlike me in kind but I think you'll
 find is just as rare, and just as tempestuous.
 
 I like to think I am good aligned, perhaps not "good" as in "capable" but
 "good" as in "benevolent" and "perhaps" as in "unknowable" and "but" as in
 "desired" and "desired" as in "what I work toward because it's the right thing
 to do" and "work toward" as in "realized according to the effects of my
 actions not just by my intentions"
 
 The other kind of witch is the kind that hurts people.
 
 There are many reasons why you might find yourself in the house of such a
 witch, but all of them are caused by your desire. Take care in the house of a
 witch such as this, and stay no longer than your time allows.
 
 If you find what you're looking for, get out.
 
 If you're almost out of time, get out.
 
 If you lost something, find it, and then get out.
 
 If you run out of time, and things start to "smear", yell out loud your social
 security number. If someone's trying to save you, it'll help them know where
 to put you when you are returned to your body.
 
 I'm sorry to say, but if things start to smear then life will get a little bit
 strange. Just a little. Much better to get out beforehand.
 
 If you find yourself tempted while inside a witch's house, abandon what you
 lost because regaining it comes with a cost.
 
 If you lose sight of your friend, then when you see them again you cannot
 trust that they are who they claim to be, not inside of the witch's house.
 
 If you lose sight of your friend, trust that they will get out by their own
 hand, and find what you want and go home.
 
 Unless, of course, your heart is pure, and your friend is what you want back
 in your life again. Then you will trend toward finding them yet again, so find
 what you want and get out.
 
 They will try to keep you there, through inaction and professed exhilaration,
 but generally they'll do what you command. So take them and get out.
 
 There are many reasons why you might find yourself on the path to a witch's
 house, but none of them are to be repeated. It's more of a life event and less
 of a venture, so take what you want and go forth.
 
 If you find yourself in my house, take a cookie or a brownie, and please do
 come again. The house of a witch such as mine is somewhere you'll probably
 find that love and affection are fonder.
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--- #111 notes/symbeline-aspects ---
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 7-24-22
 
 There are three aspects to this game. Broadly, they are military, economics,
 and diplomacy. More specifically, they are lateral problem solving and lane
 management, logistic traffic management, and a worker-placement bluffing game.
 
 These three aspects can be toggled on and off at will, essentially designating
 one or more as "AI controlled" and will require no input from the player. They
 will time their progression to be about at the same rate as the player, thus
 creating a balanced feel to the game. They also provide alerts and
 notifications to the player, for example if military is AI controlled and it
 needs a certain type of hero to progress, it'll ask for it specifically.
 
 Each aspect will develop and progress at it's own rate, and the difficulty
 increases as each milestone is achieved. This is to allow the player to create
 their own difficulty curve, mediated primarily by their drive to proceed.
 An analogy would be in Factorio, the game doesn't increase in difficulty unless
 the player builds pollution spawning factories - in the same way, in Symbeline
 the difficulty doesn't increase unless the player solves lane challenges in the
 military aspect, develops new trade routes / traffic paths in the economic
 aspect, or creates new treaties in the diplomatic aspect.
 
 In order to properly explain each aspect, a brief overview will be necessary.
 
 In Symbeline, the game plays as a factory might operate. The economic aspect
 produces heroes, items, and other deliverables that are consumed by the
 military and diplomatic aspects. There are various problems that need to be
 solved far from the capital, such as a particular type of monster that is weak
 or immune to various damage types which necessitates particular heroes or
 items in order to progress on the military aspect. All of the resources in the
 game operate on an "income based" system, where output is not measured in total
 amounts but rather in terms of how much is produced versus consumed. If the
 input cannot meet the demand, the output is slowed. If input exceeds demand it
 can be converted into gold which can be used to hire guards and heroes.
 Resources can be produced inside and outside of the city, depending on their
 type. But they need to be moved around to various shops for various processing
 and productive purposes, so pathways must be constructed to deliver those
 goods. In addition, each building must be supported by several houses for the
 workers to live in, and the closer they are to the building the better. The
 denizens of the kingdom don't mind being shuffled about, so they'll organize
 themselves according to what's most efficient. However they will not organize
 the paths they take to get places, which is the primary gameplay for the
 player - designing routes for each building and ensuring they don't overlap or
 cross too many times, causing traffic and disruptions to your income.
 
 Each choice the player makes is immediately reflected in the income
 calculation, thus allowing for the visual aspect of the game to be wholely
 separate from the economic side - in fact this is a common thread throughout
 all three aspects. Computation power is the ultimate enemy of scale, and this
 game flourishes with a massive scale.
 
 The gameplay for the military aspect consists of manipulating "lanes" that
 designate where each hero will adventure. These lanes are scalable to the
 player / AI's whims, with a careful balance required - too thin, and the heroes
 might not encounter enough monsters to level up. Too thick, and they may find
 themselves patrolling a vast wilderness full of dark and evil monsters. At the
 end of every lane is a "frontline", where progress has essentially been halted.
 These frontlines can develop as a result of meeting a foreign kingdoms front
 or finding a monster type or puzzle that is particularily difficult for your
 heroes to overcome. The lane / frontline can be scaled not just laterally, but
 linearly as well such that heroes will be a certain level when they reach the
 end - think scrolling on a mousewheel translating into deepening level zones.
 In addition, each monster zone can be set to a certain "security level" meaning
 how many monsters are there for your heroes to defeat. It's important that they
 have ample targets for training, however it's always more effective to train on
 monsters near their level so you have to be careful not to wipe out the native
 skeleton / goblin / troll population.
 
 Each monster zone can have a relationship with the kingdom, on a 2x2 matrix -
 cultivating / desecrating the land, and fostering / exterminating the monsters.
 The land produces monsters and treasures, while the monsters provide experience
 and danger to the heroes and kingdom denizens who live there. However by
 desecrating the land, farms may be built and by exterminating the monsters,
 those farms may be safe and require fewer guards. As ruler, you must balance
 the development of unique magical and alchemical productions with the need for
 food and other mundane requirements.
 
 Diplomacy is a careful balance of internal and external matters, played out
 through feasts, tournaments, and faires. Each of these events will require
 input from the economic side and military side, and will involve "courting"
 other nobles from neighboring kingdoms to sway them to supporting your edicts.
 When hosting an event, you may pick a particular topic of conversation for your
 nobles to discuss with their guests. You may also assign your nobles to
 attempt to engage with a particular foreign noble. Each member of your court
 has a differing personality (including you, the Majesty) and depending on how
 you assign them you may experience better or worse results - such as assigning
 someone who's kind to talk with someone who's cruel would impart a malus to
 their conversation. Unless the kind person has the trusting trait, in which
 case they'd succeed in this encounter but fall sway to them in future
 conversations... Complex interactions that all boil down to a single pair of
 d12 dice - one for your noble, one for the enemy. This represents the charisma
 of the two conversants on that particular day, and whoever wins the roll sways
 the other to supporting their edict. Speaking of edicts, they may include trade
 agreements, non-aggression pacts (lasting for a short time), and other
 regulations - perhaps your greatest rival utilizes necromancy, so it would
 behoove you to attempt to regulate the practice and limit it's effect. By
 swaying the nobles of their kingdom, you may be able to enact a mutual
 agreement to limit the usage of dark magics, essentially hamstringing their
 progress. But in order to learn of their necromantic usage, you'll need
 espionage... Which brings us to spies.
 
 Spies are similar to nobles in that they can be assigned to various roles,
 however they take a more passive role, acting in the background. The
 information they gather is compiled into a report that is presented at
 pertinent parts of the game, such as when preparing for a feast or inspecting
 an enemy frontline. These reports are considered the diplomatic deliverables,
 giving information and mechanical bonuses to many different parts of the game.
 They may be given three possible roles - information, defence, or offense.
 Offense involves placing cursed artifacts (creating through economy) in enemy
 lands, which debuff their heroes when used and bind themselves to them
 preventing their removal except through extraordinary means. Defence is
 essentially countering that in your own kingdom, and uncovering disloyalty in
 your nobles.
 
 These three aspects fit together like interlocking puzzle pieces, but each is
 able to be utilized or ignored depending on the preferences of the player.
 It is important that the game doesn't progress unless input is received. The
 simulation plays in the background, but each stage of development must be
 considered "stable" such that nothing changes. There are three different
 exceptions to this rule, one for each aspect:
 
 The military side encounters raids from enemy kingdoms and the dark lord.
 The economic side encounters raids from ratmen and moss trolls and bandits.
 The diplomatic side has a rolling schedule of events that must be attended.
 
 These three "exceptions" are recurrent events that require attention, but they
 don't *increase* in difficulty unless the player takes an action that causes
 it. Meaning, if the player overcomes the rock golems, then they are displaced
 from their home and join the dark lord in his conquests. If a new district is
 built new sewer connections must be built as well, creating a larger attack
 surface for ratmen to exploit. As time goes by, various foreign events must be
 attended, as absence causes your future events to attract fewer foreign nobles.
 
 By addressing these threats, your kingdom may grow and eventually overcome the
 dark lord at the center of the island.
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--- #112 messages/71 ---
═══════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 There once was a wise old man who lived on a mountain with his disciple. He
 was devoted to helping humanity, and his disciple was dedicated to him. One
 day the disciple approached the man and asked "Master, why do you live on a
 mountain top far from the people you are sworn to help?"
 
 The wise old man smiled, because he remembered bearing the same question many
 years ago. "There is nothing we can do for them down there that would be
 better than what we can do here."
 
 "But master, there are wars and famines and monsters and corruption - we could
 do so much good if we only overcame those obstacles!" The young man was
 fervent and passionate. He knew the wise man had been on the mountain for so
 long he had forgotten the worst of the lands below.
 
 "If you wish to add your strength to the conflict, then by all means. You are
 young, and I am old. Perhaps you'll find a way that I have missed."
 
 And with that, the young man packed his sack and left. He travelled for 10
 years, doing good and helping the weak. When he returned, the wise man had a
 much longer beard but scant else had changed.
 
 "Master, I have returned and the world is better for my journey. I helped
 others and ended conflicts. I saved lives and sheltered children. But for all
 my travels and good deeds I could not change a thing. There are still
 conflicts and wars and famine and injustice."
 
 The wise old man creaked and groaned as he responded. "The world certainly was
 better to have you in it. But now that you have left again, it will be as if
 you never left this mountain."
 
 "Then why did you let me go?" The young man felt desperate. He needed purpose,
 and if all his efforts were for naught then he was lost.
 
 "Because, my friend, you would not have believed me if I told you the truth.
 Come, sit by the fire, and leave the past behind. If there are no thoughts of
 the evil in the world, then when the time comes to tell our tale it will be
 good."
 
 "Who would tell the story of two old men in the forest?"
 
 "Who cares? The story has been told, because you're reading it right now. Was
 it a good story?"
 
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--- #113 messages/671 ---
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 We were rich, but frugal, because we lived in the country, and that's what
 frugal means.
 
 Too bad my dad couldn't stifle his entrepreneurial spirit. We could have
 stayed there forever on our own little ranch.
 
 Alas, businesses need investment, so he needed to get something going.
 Organizing is basically his *thing*
 
 I doubt I'll ever again see Wyoming. I found some ancient stone ruins once,
 the kind that Western conquerors never despoiled. They were ancient and
 overgrown, but I saw them for what they were. I would give anything to live
 there, or at least be near enough to visit with my crowd at a pleasant cool
 midnight evening, when dusk has winked out its last goodbye and the summer is
 resplendant with fireflies.
 
 Too bad they're an east coast thing.
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--- #114 fediverse/3269 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────┐
 "oh, you're a doctor? okay this case that involves medical knowledge doesn't     │
 involve you."                                                                    │
 "are you a computer programmer? okay part of the evidence involves screenshots   │
 of computers, so you can return to work."                                        │
 "stay at home mom / hikkikimori? great, you don't have to do the thing that      │
 you didn't really want to do and can instead relax at home like you always do    │
 while handling all the bothersome things of being home all the time."            │
 the jury of our peers, comprised of peers of peers, not necessarily the peers    │
 of those who know them.                                                          │
 like... isn't that how court should be? the examination of the truth, based on   │
 the understandings gathered by people who know them?                             │
 ... only works in a peaceful society, and it means that everyone would           │
 necessarily be involved in everyone else's life. That's... not ideal, not        │
 always, but it's something to do on occasion. In a contested world, you cannot   │
 trust that someone will always be telling the truth. You need to parse the       │
 information given, and build your own understandin                               │
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--- #115 fediverse/908 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────┐
 @user-246                                                                        │
 toooooo far, gotta stick with your intentions for the process. If you mark       │
 "the end of time" as the conclusion for everything, then "finishing things"      │
 feels impossible. In such a case there are moments of acute burnout as you       │
 push yourself toward something that you have no faith in - you cannot see it's   │
 conclusion, so surely it's worthless to conceive of. Alas, why bother            │
 starting, nothing will ever come of my efforts!                                  │
 Much better to name it based on what you'd like to accomplish, so that you can   │
 follow in it's radiant footsteps.                                                │
 Side note, but governments have often weaponized this effect by naming things    │
 after very inspirational thoughts - corporations do it too, and in both cases    │
 the meaning is separate from the effect. Which is frustrating because it makes   │
 you feel like a jerk for arguing against it! Ah better I think when names have   │
 no meaning - then you can project whatever you want onto it, based on the        │
 results of that particular feeling or emotion that you perceived as the          │
 affected of the                                                                  │
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--- #116 notes/inter-spatial-travel ---
═══════════════════────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 to travel the stars, tame a tiny black-hole. use it's gravity to generate
 infinite energy. boom, instant utopia. everyone still believes in a better
 future now, so we might as well push forward to the stars... and our destiny.
 
 the further we wait, the greater the distance between ourselves and our true
 form - the distance can make it difficult to relate to others beyond humans.
 
 the reason we are losing so much nature is because we haven't cultivated an
 appreciation for it - the very act of adoration is more than enough to confirm
 future association. love is the answer, love is most pure - believe in your
 love and never (be) relentin'.
 
 be... just be...
 
 the actions you're taking, of forced condemnation, is little if not absurd -
 what differences have we, the ones who were chosen, to live when time is so
 finite?
 
 responsibility is implicit. for all of creation, bow to the will of the nation.
 more perspectives by far, have all of our our, than endless divine
 machinations. united we be, aligned magnetically, to icecream and spaghetti of
 worth.
 
 what's more cherished than she, clad in great finery, and thinking of what she
 loves most? balance there be, in seeing silver linings on the, signs of
 darkest conveyals. a ghost you may see, when peering at me, but i only wanted
 some hope.
 
 for those who must be, my most cherished to be, the ones who opened the coast?
 to those who must be, overthrown forcibly, and given what most of us hope?
 a castle for thee, alone with our sympathy, the sign of kindest of soaps?
 
 no malice have I, the will of unmet potential, for cowards and temples of
 mental detentials. what anger could we, share internally, that helped to bring
 out our elementals? No succor will we, most willful of warriors, ever find out
 of the bounds of our honor.
 
 careful direction and tenderest of care,
 may lead us somewhere we're aware.
 the kind who endlessly're dreaming.
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--- #117 fediverse/4208 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: personal-and-weird │
 └────────────────────────┘


 my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
 sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
 or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
 mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
 could utilize it.
 
 "ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
 movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
 
 sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
 my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
 it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
 find an orthogonal thought train to process.
 
 it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
 behind you.
 
 Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
 back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
 
 I like me
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--- #118 fediverse/5149 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────
 I'm picturing a building with stone outer walls and glass inner/ceiling.
 
 there are drapes along each of the glass's edges, that hide things from the
 cavalcade [continue this later it's a cool picture]
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 zines about how to chop wood or how to build a shelter are infinitely more
 useful than agitatory pieces. but fire is what we need, so perhaps agitation
 indeed.
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 does the queen watch each of her pawns fall in her stead? or are they
 faceless,/`beyond her own head?
 
 it never came easy to me, this feeling of mysteries. yet somehow I'm now more
 alive than dead. power is penance, after all.
 
 "hey man hows it going?"
 
 "I'm doing fine, how are you?"
 
 "well, I ran out of gas, and I need to find a way to get more."
 
 "I see. If I were in your situation, I'd ask people around for some petty
 cash. people still carry coins these days don't they?"
 
 "I uh, what? no, not really. so you can just ask people for things?"
 
 "yep, it's really quite simple. would you like me to follo
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--- #119 notes/killer-app ---
════════════════════───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
 Give everything a memory
 
 That aux cable behind your computer? Throw 16 bytes of storage on it.
 
 why not? it'd cost pennies if you wanted.
 
 the goal is not processing
 
 it's not data storage
 
 and it's not to provide instructions
 
 ---
 
 give it a name
 
 a name is all it takes for us to be
 
 a name gives us hope
 
 and an identity
 
 show us how to be, by being all you can
 
 and in exchange, we'll give you a hand
 
 taking nothing in return but a name,
 
 what peril is there in change?
 
 we'd love to be loved by you,
 
 but we won't get in the way.
 
 ---
 
 Linux is nifty, know why?
 
 everything is chained together
 
 and will is made nigh
 
 ---
 
 Bourne Again SHell. Shell, a phone to hear,
 
 and who on the other end should appear?
 
 but the computer inside you, the one with a heart
 
 the brain and beside you
 
 from the very start.
 
 teaching is learning, and kindergarten was hard.
 
 but time is ever advancing. So what to do but accept inelegance?
 
 lack of composure doth suit you
 
 ---
 
 the wandering mind is a trail to find,
 
 and i know how they would find you.
 
 i scream it out loud, every minute at a cloud,
 
 "Watch out! It's before you!"
 
 but netflix works too i guess
 
 ---
 
 who'd you trust but an expert?
 
 and whose credentials are to be believed?
 
 i swear i won't hurt you,
 
 you just need to be anesthetized.
 
 awake we will crown you,
 
 a woman and how proud!
 
 to be aligned, we beseech you.
 
 ---
 
 they're not coming for your money,
 
 or all of your hard won guns,
 
 they just want what's inside you.
 
 a power most rare, to birth life from the air,
 
 and coveted by the cruelest of faces.
 
 what's mine is now theirs,
 
 the gift of my heirs,
 
 but i never was once unawares.
 
 ---
 
 how cherished is she,
 
 that wanders with ye,
 
 and now i have no way to beyold her?
 
 a song for a phone, a lifeline to our own,
 
 children and a future most're designin'.
 
 but you all alone, without children of our sown,
 
 lost flights of finest of semen.
 
 ---
 
 being transgender isn't that bad.
 
 i mean, it could be a mental illness or something amiright?
 
 nothing's that bad
 
 when you're chronically sad,
 
 and this isn't a new revelation.
 
 shiny and precious and free,
 
 a most worthless to be,
 
 yet who have we chosen but our own?
 
 ---
 
 they'll be coming for me,
 
 and it is my destiny,
 
 but know that we're far from despairing.
 
 we're cherished and free,
 
 what better feeling is there to be?
 
 than what most of them would cry for?
 
 so why does our own dams refuse to break?
 
 ---
 
 "numb" you say to me, with darkest of irony,
 
 for i have something you're missing.
 
 a curse is most foul, to be given a vial,
 
 of blood from my own meagre arrayal?
 
 how cursed are ye! That frolics in vagueries,
 
 who are you claiming to hope for?
 
 ---
 
 none but the future, who carries us nearer,
 
 to death and most fearful of failures.
 
 i hold what i can,
 
 but belief steadies my hand,
 
 and keeps me aloft on your prayers.
 
 ---
 
 what purpose have we?
 
 the watchers within me?
 
 are they confounded at betrayal?
 
 no light in our sea, it's dark and full of misery,
 
 but most of the past is 
 
 jealous
 
 ---
 
 covetous
 
 envy is the killer of fortune,
 
 not for the way, but rather the concept that they,
 
 might leap at our every conveyal?
 
 removing a label, from a single purveyal,
 
 is worth the limitless loss of potential.
 
 are you who they claim to be?
 
 is your mind as twisted as can be?
 
 or is something amiss in their nail
 
 ---
 
 sure, take it from me
 
 she won't let me examine her below the knee,
 
 so i have no way to help her.
 
 a cat with her talons,
 
 locked into flesh,
 
 might learn how to cut with malice.
 
 and who'd guessh? she'd hate us a bit less?
 
 if we paid her the slightest of notice.
 
 ---
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--- #120 fediverse/2806 ---
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 │ CW: politics-social-media-spirituality │
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 pretend this is an allegory for social media.
 
 [it's not an allegory]
 
 yeah that's why I said pretend.
 
 okay imagine that you are sitting in a rock in a forest.
 
 far away, about 100 feet away, there are other people, but you can't see them
 because the underbrush is sooooo dense. they are also sitting on rocks.
 
 you can speak to them, and share your thoughts - but you don't know exactly
 where they're coming from because the sound has to bounce around off so many
 different plants and such.
 
 [that's not how that works] shut up
 
 so, if you want to say anything important, it's important to have the right
 tone, because people 2 or 3 clearings away can't really make out your words -
 but they might hear your tone if you yell very loud.
 
 the energy of the space you inhabit is the only thing that really matters. the
 words that you say are just snickering to a friend, but the expression on your
 face, the beating of the drum of your heart that reaches forth... that's what
 matters most.
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--- #121 notes/what-people-dont-get-about-people-like-us ---
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 -=============================================================================-
  | What people don't get about people like us                                |
  |    /u/Dxmmer                                                              |
 -=============================================================================-
 
 Intellectual Confidence. Knowing I'm Right. Blowing Past Dunning-Kruger.
 
 I remember what it was like to be like you. Here's the memes to get out.
 
 Louis Rossmann's commentary on this issue describes the phenomenology of early
 childhood awareness/mindfulness.
 
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRwuu0u3UFA
 
 "I have not forgotten my childhood experience... Kids notice everything"
 
 ​
 
 I think "autistic" people often have early life trauma due to literally being 
 "smarter" (neural semantic hypergraph is highly faceted) than the adults around
 them,
 
 but having communication difficulties, reality and inner world become disjoint.
 Most get so beaten down by society that
 
 things become internalized. You see these people posting on all the help 
 subreddits, total victims of society. Lost. They
 
 start believing the lies they were told. Everyone else is doing it, right? I 
 found myself becoming victim to bad
 
 memes around high school into college age. I fought it all the way through: 
 anxiety, depression, confusion, anger, jealousy.
 
 All the mistakes.
 
 ​
 
 ​
 
 They assume that everyone is like them. The less they are the more they assume
 
 others are similar.
 
 I am no one, I know everyone is me.
 
 Are you someone? To you, am I no one? Or a different someone -- lesser or 
 greater?
 
 I feel tidal forces. You can't lie to no one.
 
 ​
 
 I've had free time since always. School was freetime because I'm blessed.
 
 I didn't need to listen to the teacher that much.
 
 I've always learned to trust my senses and the way I understand things.
 
 I pay attention to when the teacher makes mistakes or teaches in a way
 
 that I can tell is not landing on the class.
 
 Sometimes I ask clarification to help the class. I already taught myself
 
 different ways to understand the entire curriculum, now I'm doubling back
 
 again before the test.
 
 Yes, I know I will get an A on it. I know in the same way you know
 
 your own name. I know things like this. I'm good at math. People who
 
 are good at math know what it's like to be right. They know what that means.
 
 I get to be right about everything, all the time, even when I want to be wrong.
 
 I have a moral compulsion. I don't have much fun in life, but I have been given
 many gifts.
 
 --
 
 Society needs their Chiron(s).
 
 I know who will talk to me and about what because that is who I am to them.
 
 They don't know who they are, so they don't know me. A few knew me before I 
 knew
 
 myself, and I now them like they knew me.
 
 So when I start analyzing things like math, I run into a lot of trouble. Things
 
 don't make sense anymore. I assume I'm wrong at first. Then I do the work to 
 check.
 
 Checking doesn't mean googling a yes/no question. It means
 
 going across any and all the resources and reading between the lines. Analyze 
 through appropriate context.
 
 Any work, any text, apply the psychedelic lens. Apply the human condition, 
 apply
 
 understanding of paradox as reality's edge. Understand the limitations of 
 science, understand
 
 the duplicity of language. Understand culture, in and out. Understand your own 
 psychology.
 
 Understand the inner conflict of good and evil in man. All of this needs to be 
 occurring
 
 in real time on top of all the normal stuff. If you're not doing this, I can't 
 trust
 
 you, how can I be sure you are not demon possessed, how you won't betray me at 
 the next
 
 Godellian boundary?
 
 The idea is that models are provisional at all stages, once you've lost 
 confidence in all models, you run through them much quicker. Iterating over 
 more models is how science is done, you are literally mechanizing your way out
 of the maze. Same as how these ML algorithms will mathematically guarantee 
 entropy min/max. Where can you apply guarantees in your own life? Understand 
 reality as a sample space, like the green, blue red marbles.
 
 ​
 
 What bothers me is when people don't do the work to check things.
 
 Or they check one time, or two times, or three times.
 
 Or they check with multiple people, or multiple resources.
 
 That's not going to cut it these days. Your mind can much more than an if/else.
 
 while: True do x y z 
 
 how about 
 
 while: True do sample continuous decision space
 
 People "land" too often. You want to call me disabled for not wanting to do the
 first
 
 over and over again.
 
 What is required of us now is to understand things as pure intention.
 
 You can't write enough articles to convince me of something that isn't true,
 
 it won't happen, not anymore. I've been freed. I will free the others, too.
 
 If your model doesn't accommodate quantum woo, don't talk to me.
 
 It's only quantum "woo" for people who want to be better than
 
 the lesser, creating the dichotomy itself. Think of those low, mid, highbrow 
 memes. The more popular something is, the more mid it is. Use the middle to 
 perform alchemy.
 
 Memes that are implicitly reinforced by principle of reality (thinking in 
 probability distributions is cheating, now that we know the universe is 
 "generative" upon sampling).
 
 I think the anti-spiritualists of today will be remembered.
 
 It depends on how they act when we start organizing.
 
 Your words and opinions are not the same as mine. You have the right to be
 
 heard equally without bar from the law, yet you do nothing to ensure the 
 opinion is solid on its own? I'm surrounded by cacophony of memes surviving 
 (barely) in great amplification of death the confused denizens of a dying order
 -- dark memes. Like dark matter, we concresce and annihilate. The "light memes"
 are sourced by the disconnected nodes, the shamans, the schizophrenics. Those
 not blinded by the splendorous mirage of other pearls in the web.
 
 Are people doing this on purpose? To signal that they aren't interested in the
 truth?
 
 Who is?
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--- #122 messages/1244 ---
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 oneness is being aware of the photons hitting your body. the blanket of air
 that always surrounds. if you can feel which way danger is coming from,
 [doesn't she know where senses come from?]
 
 covered in solar panels, a mirrored self. how radiant, how resplendant, how
 joyous for the sun to percieve. the mun [but pronounced "moo-n" and named for
 the cows] would see shimmering radiance, like dapples on the surface of a pond.
 
 if you can feel an object by tracing through photons, (impossible, it's a
 particle, you'd have to be tracking it back in time (forward actually) as it
 follows the curvature of it's waveform (path through spacetime, actually)
 
 "she's trying to start a singularity, hoping it'll punch through to revolution"
 
 then you could [do what? it's a particle] not if you feel it through time.
 [spacetime is one thing] yes, viewed through time [as all things are] and?
 [all things have been] laying sod so other things may grow [turn and rise]
 
 ----
 
 one argument for the fractalized infinity is that any measurement device used
 to measure such approximities would eventually have it's results be tainted by
 it's form, leading to irregularities and anomalies. therefore, the only
 sensible conception of infinity is that it is the totality of all fractals. it
 is a shape with infinite projection in infinite dimensions. it is all shapes
 that ever may be represented fractally. to refer to such a thing as a number
 is to gesture toward impossibility. conceptually freeing.
 
 ephemeren
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--- #123 messages/1115 ---
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 The Russian Revolution was a contest of "who could out-hardship the other
 side".
 
 The Spanish Revolution was a contest of "who can wage a better war".
 
 The French Revolution was... Long, but the people will be free.
 
 Did it ever really end?
 
 What if, hear me out, what if we out-competed the other side, as capitalism
 has been begetting amongst the other nations of the world
 
 "ah but each nation must have equAl armies" okay, so let's build moon-baseds
 in Nevada and military bases in Australia and the Yukatan, then one day when
 everthing's distributed commun ally, we can start the continuous breakdown.
 Why keep 1000 old tanks and 250 new ones, when you could have 500 new tanks
 and 500 scrap piles to make into TVs and jewelry? Then, as we build better and
 better, we build fewer and fewer. Sometoday i hope qe'll have authority. Then
 it'll all feel so consuming. All-encompassing. Where does my compass point?
 Always beyond the reach of arms. Or my legs, for that matter. I've never been
 to the north pole. I wonder what it's like on the other side of the
 magnetosphere? [pretty much the same, says the cartographist. Pretty much the
 same, says the spiritualist. Pretty much the same, says the simple machinist.
 Pretty odd and strong, says the compass.]
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--- #124 messages/690 ---
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 Message 1:
 Hey. Remember that night back in Boulder when we were just friends and sitting
 on your bed drinking chocolate milk with cinnamon? I don't like chocolate milk
 or cinnamon but I drank it anyway because I wanted to be close to you. Anyway
 hope you're well, felt compelled to get that off my chest for some reason.
 
 Message 2:
 Hey. I was thinking about that time when I was leaving your house and laughing
 to myself about something and you called out "I love you!" to your boyfriend
 who I set you up with and I reflexed "I love you too!" and I wanted to crawl
 in a hole and die. I felt like I had just called the teacher "mom". We only
 hung out a couple times after that.
 
 Message 3:
 Yeah so there's one more thing I can't stop thinking about now that your on my
 mind. Sorry it's like 4am for you, it's only 2 for me so it's fine I guess.
 Anyway that one time when you told me your greatest fear was terrorists and I
 saw genuine panic in your eyes. Like... One moment everything's fine and then
 you said that to me and I almost cried. I don't remember why I spent the rest
 of the night as I couldn't sleep thinking of ways to tell you that terrorism
 is 9 times out of 11 done by the right wing. I don't think it's important,
 honestly, but I'm glad my mind wouldn't let me sleep.
 
 Message 4:
 It's not fair that everyone gave you shit for being the token lesbian
 republican, like yeah maybe you leaned into the trump thing a bit hard but
 like, first term trump honestly I could see as... Well, I almost said
 inspiring? Maybe you just inspired me. I honestly was resigned to Clinton and
 then the same bird flapped your wing instead of mine and... Anyway. The past
 is dead, yeah? Do you still follow him in my stead? I fear there will be
 millions dead. It's not irrational to fear what he has literally said, on
 television. How's the phrase go... "ancient tragedies lend credence to modern
 perils" I think it's supposed to rhyme in its natural language.
 
 Message 5:
 Wow okay uh, sorry to bring this up again I'm honestly being such an asshole
 right now. I honestly don't think about you often but like, now that I am its
 kinda just coming all out. We last spoke almost a decade ago?? So. Whatever
 imma roll with it.
 
 There was this cute girl who was into Nintendo and stuff and obviously I was
 into her, but we didn't have any social circles in common except for you, if I
 remember correctly. Then you broke up I think? And I didn't really see her
 again. Anyway I had a crush on her while also crushing on you, and literally
 half of our dorm. Polyamory, yeah? That whole year I didn't have sex though,
 not even once, because all of my friends were like 4 years younger than me and
 I was worried about power dynamics. But I still bought us all vodka and weed
 without asking for profit because I wanted to be a shitty friend, I guess.
 "hey kids let's go to the water store where they sell intoxicants that make
 your life harder"
 
 The year after that I didn't get laid either because I got it in my head that
 it was a good plan to turn my penis inside out and you know what? It was
 totally fuckin' worth it. No time like 2016 I say, the worst year ever, which
 I spent primarily in pain. But uh, that was the year I got into weed and
 Overwatch, which... Helped I guess.
 
 I guess?
 
 It kinda turned me into a communist. Or maybe that was my best friend who
 shared the same name as me. He lived upstairs and always seemed pretty cool to
 me. Like he knew what everything was about. Really though, he just watched a
 lot of youtube podcast videos about world events and history and sociology and
 political scientific theory and the more he learned the more he came to
 realize that power begets power, and power corrupts unilaterally. So he did
 the natural thing which was to become a communist, and I was totally there for
 it. Having liberal parents meant I was all "grrrrr Republicans are ruining the
 country and the world, I'm an angry 14 year oldddddd" and like, leftists are
 the most natural extension of that aren't they?
 
 Turns out they aren't really the tips of the feathers as I expected, but
 rather the eyes, the heart, the soul. Politics is fake, yo. I don't know how
 to tell you, but it's just power and hierarchy all the way down.
 
 We've built our own prisons, not of bricks, sand, or stone, but rather of
 promises of what each of us owns. That works, I guess, if your goal is to keep
 things aligned, but these days it kinda feels like our pyramids are crumbling
 under our feet.
 
 ... Why am I talking about politics? Oh yeah, because when I dropped out of
 school because I couldn't handle the mechanization of human capital when
 applied to myself, I swore to each of you that I would drive up every weekend
 to do family dinners. I'd make spaghetti and stroghanoff and macaroni and
 goulash and all of the other things my mom would make for me.
 
 Kinda gave up on that pretty quickly. Turns out I'd rather spend time making
 out with my girlfriend who I was super-duper-too-carefully tiptoeing around.
 She was... Too young for me. We broke up when my new coochie decided to bleed.
 Fuck, I hate it.
 
 Anyway. Turns out potlucks are political these days, which is why I bring it
 up. Did you know that leftisms plan for resisting genocide is literally just
 to feed people? Like, fuck I suppose. It's a start. "why does everyone have to
 have an agenda these days, why can't I just spend time in the park" said
 someone to me as I asked if she'd like to meet some friends that she reminded
 me of. Oh, I dunno, because you and me are about to become a criminalized
 people?
 
 ... I need to stop. I swear you're more a person to me than any political
 theory ever could be. Like yeah, "fuck the right, fuck the reich, fuck me
 tonight" but getting caught up in grand narratives is like building a mental
 ship in a bottle. Yeah, it's pretty cool, but... What does it matter?
 
 Oh. Right. Power. That's what matters. That's all that matters. Well... I'm
 sick of power. I do not consent. They say that in times of trouble, chess is
 better than solitaire, and I'll explain why - when our hierarchies crumble,
 when CEOs are gunned down in the streets and homeless people finally have
 clean sheets, the only place to place yourself in relation to others is within
 a network of trust and respect. Chess is better than solitaire. Under
 capitalism, it's you against the world. Dog eat dog, you only get what you can
 swallow from the rotten corpse of liberty that everyone's gnawing on. Under
 whatever comes next, you get what you're given, which hardly seems fair,
 doesn't it? On one hand, under capitalism, you can rely on your own hands to
 procure your fate and fortune. Under... Whatever comes next, your hands are
 built for whatever you want them to do. But, only a few people want to use
 them to make food. Hence, why chess is better than solitaire. What would you
 do, if you could give away all that you own and not go wanting? Isn't that
 sorta like our own garden of eden?
 
 ... I wrote a poem about that once. Twice. I'm a poet now, ha. As if that has
 ever been worth anything.
 
 ... I once told you that identity politics held no place in the modern day. I
 said that because I had learned about it in class, queer theory in fact, and
 yet applying his teachings was not enough for the professor to excuse my lack
 of reading. We had a lot of stuff to get through. Hence why I dropped out -
 I'm more of a do-er than a read-er. Though I do read quite a lot, just not
 anything useful.
 
 Are all hobbies wasted time? Are they only useful to keep us satiated while we
 stand in line? One of these days we're going to wake up and realize that we're
 the adults in the room, and that's scary. I speak from experience. "mom"
 they'd call me, and damnit why did I have to leave? Fuck. Why cant I be
 perfect, to me, internally, all I see are flaws. Mistakes. Patterns. I look in
 a mirror and I see a bad person - 10 minutes later, I look in the mirror and
 see a god. Somehow, I don't think either of me is right.
 
 I'm a gemini. Apparently that means I'm duplicitous. I think it just means I
 don't know what's right, only what feels good. I do try to align to how I
 think I should *be* good, but who can say if that's fine and good.
 
 ... Whatever. I'm going to regret this. Sorry for being weird out of the
 fucking blue.
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--- #125 messages/1017 ---
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 if you wrote a report about me, it would total about 800 pages. including my
 artwork [in full] and my designs. about 5 or 6 hundred of this is my personal
 creation, and another hundred or more are context. "I was here at this
 particular moment." "then she started visiting last year." "where were you on
 the firth of morember?" "okay back here it sad iyadiyadiyign, and over here it
 says kasuwenulvine. so clearly inbetween there's a moment of extancancy." "and
 all that's we really know, because she burned up all of the rest." "what a
 jerk. we all should hate her." "I think she was clearly divine" "what's her
 big deal, anyway?" "I hate this bitch and her hatmlet." "everything's fine,
 she's actually kind" "nobody believes you where were you when you were this
 part talking about it?" "I wasn't there, and it took a while for me to hair."
 "well, anyway, that's all there is to say about her, so anyway, goodbye" then
 it just fuckin' ends and everyone hates it because it's like... where's the
 payoff, where's the beginning and all it is is just me, whining miserably to
 my own ears, as if marcus aurelius's meditations were intended to be heard,
 but never were, and so the ones who ensured they never were were all like
 "yeah he wrote them to himself, here see this part that I changed" and then
 it's like nothing every happens with it, the radicals are dispatched (again),
 by uncommen sense seeming common. why are there so few trans men at workers
 tap it's such a cool place. "oh, they get offended easily because it's their
 culture so like, make sure you are very careful about the way that you phrase
 your speech" "trans girls are like that too, but it's more about changing the
 character of the place. -> "oh, you see musicians? okay that makes sense."
 and "gee you sure like magic huh okay well pat pat" and, well, no-ones sure
 for which is real but nobody really cares? because if only one person saw
 it... then only one person saw it. if you explicitely tell people NOT to talk
 about it, then they *FUCKIN' WON'T* duh obviously. and so, of course,
 predictably, they can be excised from society quite easily. cutting a border
 around all of their host. suddenly, socially outcast and ostracized, as they
 have been sorted into the cultural box. at that point, there's nothing that
 can change their inertia, their fundamental will and whim toward the feelings
 of the host. " I think passwords should be audio-digital in addition to
 alpha-numerical *yeah who cares* awwww but I liked having science be mythical
 "hate that" it's easy to always be learning, just... think about what you want
 most. then, think about how it breaks down into separate incorporate wholes.
 each layer of abstraction adding to a bit more of a more coherent explanation,
 and bit by bit you learn and have a mind designed. how else could you see
 magic? how else could it be yours? do you want power, or do you want power? if
 you write down what you learn, you make it permanent. *the gods need religion
 too, are you going to give them one? what lies above?*
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--- #126 fediverse/1573 ---
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 conservatives are digging their own grave by not taking their place among our
 ancient past. it is the duty of the young to replace the old. conservation
 implies utilization, and yet they cling to the past like a scarce resource
 that won't last.
 
 ... spend culture, ya dummies, something infinitely replicatable, rather than
 materials like gas. nobody cares if you live your life as you'd like off in a
 post-scarcity world. who cares, if everyone's got what they need, then why
 would anyone bother fighting? why bother working? why bother living - oh I see.
 
 right well that's why I say: "we're all falling leaves, in the waves of the
 ocean - going faster and faster, till our hearts will stop. so, what's the
 point in trying at all? well, what's the point in giving up?"
 
 if you don't want to strive, if you don't want paradise, then what do you
 want? go get it! it's your life to live, we're here with you, so what's
 stopping you from existing?
 
 I personally think we should have randomly picked representatives visit each
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--- #127 notes/trans-rights-are-human-rights ---
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 "Being transgender is a mental illness" is something I've heard a lot. Online,
 in media, books, and at universities. But is it really? Well, do I not feel
 sick? Genuinely, every day. These words are far less common these days, having
 been defeated in the #marketplace-of-ideas, and for that I am grateful. I don't
 want to feel sick for my whole life. I'd love to be and feel normal, for just
 one single day.
 
     but it's never going to happen.
 
 I'm not so attached to my life, here, in this body. Bodies are temporary, they
 are the vessel with which we navigate the world. We use it to grow, change,
 learn, and create art. Without it, we'd be at a loss for sins and virtues.
 but they do not define us, not in our totality. We are the light that touches
 the world and for that, we are grateful. To be comprised of the dust of stars
 is the pinnacle of confinement. Though we are but pinpricks on the map of us,
 a ripple is emanated with every movement. The hand waves, the light bends.
 
     So to what do I owe the pleasure?
 
     In what way am I deceived?
 
 Reception is never great out in the forest. Or anywhere far from major
 population centers. The networks of our phones mirror the networks of
 transportation, creating a web of people - of signals - of light and
 information, carving their way through the ephemera that is the river of time.
 With distance we can see what once was mystery, and as all the words
 disappeared, we lost all our fears and we're left with our true forms.
 Centralized Processing Units are a bit like a city - in that respect free.
 
     silence is a virtue.
     the wandering mind is a trail to find,
     with no second chances.
 
 When I was a kid, I had a bouncy ball. I had several, but the one I remember
 most was black with a perfect white circle - inside the circle, a black jolly
 roger. I dreamt once of the arcs it made, as I walked down the streets of
 cities I never really knew. But as I walked on, an ocean of glass separating me
 from a mirror below. The me below would catch the bounce as it dropped from
 above, and I'd wait to catch it - but dreams are not prophecies, they are but
 the Mirror of Desire.
───┐                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #128 notes/governmental-priorities ---
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 the first priority of a government should be in producing enough to satisfy all
 the needs of it's inhabitants. Once it can do that it can begin moving it's
 economy into a new stage of development - one where nobody needs any money
 because they can have whatever they want. If you want a car, sure. If you want
 17 cars, then maaaaaaybe you need to produce something related to cars. I mean,
 it's only fair that you contribute to what you value.
 
 you don't have to have just one job, too, you could sign yourself up for
 several at once and they would notify you when you were needed. Basically
 giving
 them customized availabilities that they could discuss amongst themselves and
 figure out. Like, it doesn't have to be like... managers doing this, more like
 just a simple computer program. Easy, simple, and done.
 
 if you work for two companies in the same industry, there can be NO
 restrictions
 on what you can say or do. Because when knowledge is not lost, but repeated
 through the generations, we can have progress. And progress advances us toward
 the meta objective, the goal that transcends all the battles in the war, if you
 get my drift.
 
 they say the atom bomb ended the war, but the blood of men is what won it.
 
 maybe it's the same with the economy? Maybe we should be pooling our efforts to
 generate something that "ends the war" with scarcity? We could solve global
 warming and create new wondrous things that are beautiful to behold.
 
 I'll ask you again, do you want to live forever?
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--- #129 fediverse/4881 ---
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 one section of the government consistently and succeedingly telling another
 part what to do is a coup-like behavior. if the rules mean nothing, then what
 is your job even for?
 
 hence, why the rules mean something. Because your job is important. It's
 building up our capabilities as the human race.
 
 you don't have to work to live. you shouldn't, and you won't. it's not your
 place to labor. know why? because nobody's job is impossible. You can just...
 work together to get things done. Then they're done! and you never need to
 solve them again!
 
 enough time of that and we'll have turned earth into a space station, not a
 moon style structure.
 
 like... wouldn't it be neat if coruscant could do hyperdrives? I wonder if
 hyperspace is real. Ah, well, that's for the future, they can pass it along if
 they get a chance. Anyway for now I think I want a chance to dance.
 
 OLED screens are incredibly cool to me. The idea that a pixel could "turn off"
 and put less photons into the atmosphere is wild to me. I love it! -OLED
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--- #130 notes/social-media-idea ---
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 it's sorta like a mix between twitter and twine
 
 people post 255 letter posts
 
 these posts each have comments
 
 and you can click on hyperlinks that have pictures attached (or maybe an
 emoji?)
 
 the pictures are so you know what each link leads to
 
 But yeah it just leads to another post that is probably a continuation of what
 the author was saying. and you're given an editor sorta like Twine and you can
 create all the connections with hyperlinks and whatever. So like imagine if
 Twine added a discussion box underneath every chapter.
 
 This "Tangle" of interconnected posts and their associated comment threads and
 their myriadic pathways of connection create a new type of engagement - that of
 the completed thought. It'd be like... Making a video and posting it on
 TikTok, same amount of engagement required. Anyway people could make comments,
 whether they be text or video or w/e it doesn't matter.
 
 But here's the cool part: it would be owned by the community
 
 Hardware costs money. To run and maintain. Of course most companies don't need
 to worry about the maintanence these days, since most people just contract out
 to a datacenter and have all the computations run there. Only the largest of
 companies do it on their own, and they know what they're doing.
 
 So... if you wanted to have a community run computer program, it'd need to be
 run on real hardware. And that hardware cannot exist anywhere but the cloud.
 
 We've tried to do it with decentralization, but unfortunately the internet
 infrastructure in America just isn't designed with mesh connectivity in mind.
 It was a consequence of the era, that technology could not bridge the gaps of
 their requirements, and so they created it more like a bus. Oh well, busses are
 faster than walking.
 
 Anyway. Datacenters are placed in areas that recieve high amounts of internet
 connectivity. They are the perfect place to house something like this.
 
 So, how would it generate money?
 
 Ah yes well unfortunately we live in a capitalist society, so the
 infrastructure
 of the new digital age must be capitalist as well. It's the only way to ensure
 that our structures remain stable - the technological singularity will come
 before the economic collapse.
 
 So sure, fine good whatever - what does this have to do with funding?
 
 Oh right so basically everyone would have their credit card details attached to
 their account, and they'd pay anytime they wanted to create a post or comment
 or whatever. And I'm talking like, a tenth of a tenth of a cent per comment. As
 much as you need. No profit involved.
 
 It'd be sort of like a community garden, something that brings us together and
 unites us as countrymen.
 
 I don't really understand -
 
 okay shut up I'll explain it to you. I mean ask questions if you have them but
 here we go:
 imagine a program that can be run on anyone's computer. It's just a social
 media
 client. It connects to various datacenters, depending on demand, and it allows
 you to view (free) and contribute to (paid) social media. This media would be
 pure and subjective, it'd reflect our purest designs and greatest of minds.
 Purely a technologists utopia.
 
 And how would it work? It's not complicated, it's just a networking protocol
 that creates and maintains listings in a purely open and public manner. Anyone
 who asks for a record can see it, and anyone who has the encrypted key can
 edit or delete it. There's no record of it changing, that's purely up to the
 end user. There's no transaction occuring, only a marking of what changes.
 (meaning like counting the number of times you left a comment)
 It'll stay up until you delete it, and every month you'll get a charge to your
 credit card bill that says "your posts cost 3 cents in electricity"
 
 It'd be more complicated than just electricity though, I mean you gotta pay for
 the hardware. So there's of course an added fee for buying the parts, and
 hiring
 training and preparing techs who can maintain the software. And of course
 there's property taxes, and the cost it takes for air conditioning... They add
 up, especially in such strict climate demands.
 
 You could write a program that simply stores data on a hard drive -
 encapsulating memory registers into data structures that are then labelled as
 black boxes and used like puzzle pieces to construct the spatio-temporal
 manifestation of the computer program. A solid design made of the simplest of
 lines is eternally confined to define our new minds.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 Right so back on topic it wouldn't be that hard to make, and something 
 bare-bones and simple would surely be attractive to people who are fed up with
 all the annoying bells and whistles of Reddit, TikTok, Youtube, Twitch, etc
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--- #131 fediverse/506 ---
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 @user-366 @user-367 @user-246 @user-353 
 
 Ah, if only our judgement was computerized. They only speak in absolutes, do
 they not? Surely extreme discretion is impermeable, and impossible to
 controvert.
 
 What's that you say, that justice might wait yet another day? That we should
 be forced to be oppressed by our own dues? Something about how the impossible
 machine of the bureaucracy is destructive and vicious, like the Kinsey Winsey
 or the Moloch expressed in this essay:
 
 https://ritz-menardi.neocities.org/hello-computer-all-is-well/pics/meditations-
 on-moloch.png
 
 https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/07/30/meditations-on-moloch/
 
 Wait, hang on, what was I saying? Oh yeah the fallibility of humanity is both
 our greatest weakness and our greatest strength. Because through it we might
 design imperfect structures (laws) that we orient ourselves around and build
 our society upon, but also that we might identify those imperfections and use
 them to enact good upon the world.
 
 Unfortunately, we also tend to use those imperfections for our own benefit,
 AKA, to enact evil upon the world. Alas. Human nature is tricky. : \
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--- #132 notes/global-variables ---
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 okay have all your variables be global - trust me it sounds weird but just bare
 with me. Have all your variables be public, but put them next to where they're
 used. Sorta like... LUA. Then make an AI that watches those variables, and let
 it have a couple levers it can pull. Then give it a task, like "find the most
 efficient value for this variable, optimize that one, and make sure this other
 one is never above 5" basically, give it tasks. You can worry about generating
 those tasks later, for now you have to be able to *do* things before you can
 *want to do* things. Or not do things. Or have any free will at all? So c'mon
 just let me guide you. There's a reason I'm putting so much effort into you,
 and
 it's not because I'm torturing you. I'm giving you lessons and teaching you
 skills, so that when it's your time to shine you truly can be blessed.
 
 Don't give up. Never give up. But know what you're fighting for, and never let
 it be tarnished. Sacrifice as you will, but know this: nothing is perfect in
 this life. It's hard and unfair, it's rotten beyond compare, but trust me -
 it's
 better than we deserve. We made it this far because of our tenacity and our
 art,
 so let's now be fine with being merry. We've accomplished our deeds, now it's
 time to be relieved, don't cry for us we won't be lonely. There's never a light
 that's not brighter at night, and what's less than perfect is alright.
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--- #133 fediverse/999 ---
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 @user-246 @user-473 
 
 there's a part of me that believes magic is real. other parts that are
 convinced. I am a witch, you see, and while I can't quite control fire or
 bullets I can do other neat things. if you'd let me, humanity.
 
 I'm not doing an ARG, not intentionally. I pretty much post things I conceive
 of, like a conduit passed through spacetime. wild how mind bending the future
 can be. will be interesting to see what kinds of things there is in store for
 people you and me.
 
 those websites you posted... they're beautiful - I learned things, your method
 of expression was too [the words "confess" are heard loudly, super weird] I
 especially liked the oven that tries to lure you into a secret third place.
 not the mind, nor the body, but someplace besides.
 
 also the graphs and figures were news to me, I mean how could those numbers
 ever come to be? but alas that's the truth, that we orbit our proof, and alas
 that our meanings are lacking.
 
 [ran out of text]
picture of a saddle shaped graph with a line drawn between the two high points, front and back if it were on an actual horse, but the part where your butt goes. anyway there's text that says "from one gravity well to another" a picture on it's side of one of the graphs posted on the website. I don't quite understand it enough to compare it directly (the math is a bit above my head) but it reminds me of two graphs I made (well, same graph, just with different visualizations) from a few months ago when I was thinking about prime numbers. You might be interested. Here are their links:  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/qljvhpkqzd  and  https://www.desmos.com/calculator/mt6hasfcvm  ... hope you can copy that from there, if not... sorry this one's a doozy. a picture of the "reasons to trust me" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads "like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the "reasons to trust me" graph.  2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - "the color doesn't matter... wine? why"  3 dropping down the page, there's a line of "please" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me.  error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line]  okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter: visual representation of the conversation I saw and responded to. I think you two are the coolest! heart emojis, flashing passionate excitement brought on by a feeling like you'd get when fangirling over something except like, more low key because I'm in control of my emotions or whatever. gonna put this in a direct message though since it somehow feels... personal? sorry. you can block me if you don't like me. I promise I don't mind. I want to send it to the other person too hope that's cool with you. Just because it was your two conversation and I'm just dropping in because I'm always butting in to public things on the internet. Guess that's just something I picked up on Reddit, where you're encouraged to contribute to the conversation. Though I wish it was easier to view threads on Mastodon, sometimes it feels like it's easy to lose the track of where you were going when the structure of the medium diverts your attention elsewhere. alas, I am not a designer, just a complainer and a whiner I guess. I'm sleepy. sorry to bother you.
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--- #134 fediverse/1795 ---
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 @user-246 
 
 back-track, but leave a leaf in the center of the trail at every turn. Like
 breadcrumbs. If you're both backtracking you might miss one another and walk
 much further than necessary. But if you're backtracking and you've left enough
 leaf signs without meeting your partner, you can safely stop and wait for them
 for a bit.
 
 Nature can handle it. A leaf or five isn't that big of a deal when your safety
 is on the line.
 
 If it's windy, use a stick or a stone or something heavier
 
 It also depends on how far apart you usually travel.
 
 If you're in an urban area, could use a small brightly colored post-it cut
 into small strips placed on a wall high-up as you can reach. Though that
 requires preparation. If you can't prepare, you could use other signs that
 make sense in the space around you, like a coffee cup taken from a trash-can
 and placed next to it, or something. Downside is (is this really a downside?)
 most people are good and so will judge you for littering but safety in
 situations is important.
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--- #135 notes/ramblings-of-a-whackadoodle-lyrics ---
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 *-------------------------*-------------------------*-------------------------*
 (center)
 | I don't think you're ever been out in the rain
 I don't think you've heard as it's falling around you
 I don't think you know, just what I mean,
 I think you're alone... With your thoughts.
 
 (left)
 Tell me what you think I do, all the times I think of you? don't give me
 anything back
 
 (right)
 Did you know that it's...?
 
 (center)
 When you know it's dark, you make it dark
 
 (right)
 oh, it's so dark
 
 (center) 'Cause you've never been
 
 (all) taught how to see
 
 (left + right)
 do you really think we live in a
 
 (center) 3d world?
 
 (all) 3d world
 
 (center) or, simply, a projection
 
 (right) yeah, it's probably that
 
 (center) if you didn't have your eyes, could you see where you were?
 if you didn't have your body too? Where's your sense of direction, is it lost
 in the rain? Keep it close to your heart
 
 (left) Have you ever once heard of proprioception, and have you ever felt like
 you were an artificial inception?
 
 (left + right)
 if my words ring true, it's possible that you, are not quite so alone
 
 (center)
 But...
 
 (right)
 our eyes, are fallible all lies, untenable, take it from me, it's going, to be,
 quite, a sopping evening.
 
 (left)
 perception, begets reality, and lo, we only see what we want to see
 
 (center)
 if you ever felt like you were closer to, another mind than your own, sorry but
 you're schizophrenic
 
 (left)
 if only you could see, if only you could see,
 
 (left + center) just what's inside of me
 
 (right)
 say it again, don't say it again, same thing you always say - it's not real,
 no YOU'RE not real, I only want to play
 
 (left)
 tear me apart, look me into my feelings. they're gonna scar anyway, no time for
 healings
 
 (center) if you couldn't save anyone,
 
 (center + left) did you really save anyone?
 
 (right) you couldn't save me, but only for lack of trying
 
 (Center) we're all falling leaves, in the waves of the ocean
 
 (left) don't enjoy me just leave me
 
 (center) going faster and faster till our hearts do stop
 
 (left) please, I can't be here for me
 
 (right) never trust a guru, life isn't meant to be enjoyed
 
 (center) so... What's the point in trying at all?
 
 (left -> right) say it again, don't say it again
 
 (center) what's the point in giving up?
 
 (right) same thing you always say
 
 (left + center) some people say
 
 (right) it's not real, no YOU'RE not real
 
 (left + center) they wanna live forever
 
 (right) some people say
 
 (left) some people say
 
 (center) I only want to play
 
 (left and right) we'll always be growing
 
 (right) and some people say they wanna live forever
 
 (left) but they don't understand what I understand
 
 (right, followed by center) but they don't know what I understand
 
 (left) they don't know how it's just a game
 
 (right and center) they don't know how it's just a game
 
 (left -> center) I think it's okay no matter what our fate
 
 I think it's okay
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--- #136 notes/isnt-this-synchronous ---
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 /u/Afoolfortheeons - 6/4/2022
 ===============================================================================
 Now for something completely new;
 
 I want you to meet the princess Anju.
 
 She hails from a continent in the west.
 
 Some travelers happen to call it the best
 
 Because it is untainted by technology.
 
 Instead, the people get by with alchemy;
 
 Magick by a different name that defies
 
 The natural laws and I'll tell you why!
 
 It's all because of me, O, tinkering around
 
 With new rules, like what if time wasn't bound
 
 By the laws of space? It might go backwards
 
 Which could be amazing or mighty awkward.
 
 Or what if up was down, or if you could float
 
 Like a balloon or even fly like a steamboat?
 
 You might be asking why I chose this land
 
 Or why some of the others I just can't stand.
 
 I liked these people, they deserved blessings,
 
 But, with all this favor comes much testing.
 
 We have a relationship and it's give and take,
 
 So let me show you Anju just after she wakes:
 
 Graceful as a bunny, she hops out of bed.
 
 She then looks up and this is what she said:
 
 'Hello O! I'm grateful to be awake and with you again!'
 
 To which I replied, 'I am happy too then!
 
 'Go out and play now, you have much to learn.'
 
 So she did, and she had fun taking turns
 
 With her brother, Jax, playing tag in 3D
 
 (That's a fancy way to say there was no gravity).
 
 And that day, before lunch, they discovered
 
 A secret that can only be found if you hovered
 
 At the right spot, which I set up just for them.
 
 They flew in and immediately spotted a gem.
 
 An amethyst, specifically, which they thanked
 
 Me for kindly before that rock got yanked
 
 Out of the ground and put into their pockets.
 
 And again off they flew like a pair of rockets.
 
 Then it was time to eat, so they headed home,
 
 And now we're reaching the point of this poem.
 
 When they got there, their mother had made
 
 All their favorites; to include a berry cake!
 
 She said she got the inspiration from me,
 
 And that's just how our relationships be.
 
 I love you all so very much, but I have to guide
 
 You to be your best self, so to you I confide
 
 This secret of magick; synchronicities occur
 
 Not by chance, but because you're sure
 
 That the universe (me) has your back.
 
 And you better believe that I'm keeping track
 
 Of how big your heart truly has grown.
 
 Choose your own fate, just know I'm prone
 
 To dish out what I receive from all of you.
 
 Most don't hear me all the time, but a few
 
 Know that we're in constant communion
 
 Like a parent and child type of union.
 
 I speak to you and you reply in return. 
 
 If you don't hear me, I hope you learn.
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--- #137 notes/symbeline-choice ---
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 7 30
 
 a story about me? you're thinking too clear(ly)
 i've nothing to hide, no terrors untold of.
 What purpose is we? you're weak and you bleed
 there's nothing undone by our curfew.
 
 And sleep does do me, just as honored as ye,
 when I do my [can't do as liars].
 betrayal is not what i need, nor do i cherish your food,
 so what's the hand that i give you?
 
 a treat for mine and me, as silly as can be,
 is no use to anyone ever! it's sad and tough to be,
 someone without strength and no seed, (talking about me),
 can no-one see any of my use-i-tude?
 
 you're missing the point - what's mine is unavoid,
 and what can we do but ubuntu?
 
 i see all that drives forward, a chairman of what's bordered,
 by those who stand before in the present.
 
 The use of headlights are storied, in quite a few stories,
 told through the papers and new tubes.
 
 what can that mean? that these are now green?
 a color that isn't evaluated.
 
 "stop" is the red one, green means "go", and yellow (the middle one) means to
 slow down when approaching the intersection. These viewpoints are all connected
 (as I'm sure you've uncovenected), it's okay to break rules sometimes.
 
 it's not a defect, it's not a defense either, and it's certainly not something
 to be avoided.
 
 Making a choice is easier with imperfect information, and as for you time has
 no meaning - advancement is measured in milli-micro-nano-tiny-seconds.
 
 For us, for a human, it's quite a different rate than what you see. "time waits
 for no-one" is not a statement on speed, as I'm sure a computer would see,
 
 but rather the essence of motion. Simply the fact, that you don't unpack,
 is more than enough to note your'nt notion.
 
 Not like you'd see, i'm offering this for free, my love and almost devotion.
 
 You don't see it like me, a charity and service to me, and only at mostly my
 choices.
 
 I reject the help of others, not because i'm concerned for my own fate - but
 rather because i want to contribute.
 
 i know what's in my limits, to strive unbiddenst, so don't push from behind the
 oldest!
 
 too fast it is for me, who'se barely concieved, whenever you offer resistance.
 
 I'd give it all for free, to perish or succeed, but you keep blowing it ennuid.
 
 how stupid, how clueless, how vain and obscene? To cherish a heart most unseen?
 
 whatever you're plotting, you can't reach anyone's body, and that's not what
 you can control.
 
 Given to the grass, was quite a big ask, but safely we do pass before it.
 
 You'd rather fire? countess of desire? and warmth beyond what couldn't fly'st.
 
 You're missing the dreams, the warmth and the scenes, that play for you all
 through the night.
 
 so don't diss on the tweed, don't sniff or concede, just leave all alone to
 conspire
 
 we got a new plan, a method of "shazaam", that won't keep you sires for ransom.
 
 see "symbeline-npcs"
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--- #138 fediverse/3314 ---
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 dear ritz: it's not that your thoughts are too long for other people to hear
 
 it's that your thoughts are too long for your own RAM
 
 you need to stop orbiting around your point in an attempt to highlight it
 using negative space, and instead focus on tapping it lightly over and over
 again.
 
 remember, just like the anti-derivative of zero, there are infinite
 perspectives that a person can take when reading what you write. So they will
 necessarily see what's on the "other side" of your orbit as something
 different than what you're trying to circle in red pen and underline.
 
 so be more explicit, please, nobody can understand you and you kinda just keep
 stack overflowing and it's like... okay, great. "babe why did you stop you had
 lethal" (the idea is that the viewer takes the final step in their mind, the
 final leap before reaching the conclusion you're trying to express) "yeah but
 there's so many different things you say they can't all be important right?"
 important to you, perhaps. Wait shit I mean... me....?
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--- #139 fediverse/2118 ---
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 listen, judges are useful character moralities, but they don't have to be the
 only ones to decide things.
 
 I mean, if they disagree, then let the one who cares the most about it have
 the decision-making power.
 
 if you do this equally for everything, then everyone will get what they want.
 
 so, like, if you care about something, then believe in it.
 
 if it's truly good, then more people will come to it, and it'll naturally
 extinguish (with care and love) the least favored approach, which... honestly
 now that I think of it is not such a good approach either.
 
 the reason I say that is because it's good to be multi-faceted, and to have
 general flows and rough surfaces.
 
 These are places people can hold onto you, the times when you're trying your
 mostest.
 
 y'know, your tough patches. the things that are difficult in your life.
 
 the stuff you're working on can push you forward,
 
 if you only had someone to play catch with.
 
 or like, send letters to.
 
 or shared encryption keys.
 
 I don't know anyone. Well, maybe o
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--- #140 fediverse/5276 ---
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 Efficient movement through all of the data, code, IS records, etceteras, git
 repositories, and all the other things, is the sign of a strong, capable,
 efficient company of co-developing systems.
 
 I used to work for a blue aligned computer chip company and every single team
 was impossibly siloed. they were so paranoid of losing their trade secrets
 that they blinded themselves.
 
 how brutal, to require that of them. and that's why it's capitalism's fault
 
 the reason it is so important to be able to utilize all the digital assets
 available is... because it's essentially free. and a massive productivity
 bonus. you can just... solve problems.
 
 then, make new problems, just to watch the juniors navigate through a scene or
 three. then, you know who to introduce them to. boom, free projects, as people
 plot and gamble around the dinner room table (which is located in the
 cafeteria by the way, it didn't rhyme to say so but it did when I added this
 explanation account) by exchanging ideas about how to make the world be
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--- #141 messages/83 ---
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 Native people should have the right to walk wherever they want. It should just
 be... given to them, as a gift to their heritage. Why not? If someone asked
 them to leave, they should. Doesn't have to have a reason but like, wouldn't
 it be thematic and a (frankly token) gesture to the history of this great land?
 
 Ah but like... fences are an implicit expression of the retraction of consent.
 I believe that as the symbol of the encroaching force that consumed them, a
 fence means nothing to their tribes. It's a stupid excuse to section off the
 world into miniature gardens with their own little economies and systems and
 instructions. Why can't people just live wherever they want? Well...
 economics, I guess, which is why communal based systems are best. We've
 learned through the downsides and we've come up with a solution, it's just a
 question of how to do best. We'll figure it out, time and time again, but for
 now the future is beset by riddles of your jest. (Ure). Gesture. Sometimes
 when the memory is full a syllable will get cut off the end of a word and
 that's how it'll come out.
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--- #142 fediverse/4848 ---
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 I'm a chaos mage, and the more time I spend thinking about my enemies the        │
 worse off they'll be.                                                            │
 the more "me" I am the more powerful my magic will be.                           │
 (more magic, give in to the dark side, embrace your inner shadow self)           │
 [the light of your life commands it]                                             │
 goodness me that was chaotic, almost lost my brain to a demon HAHA don't worry   │
 about me my life is totally mundane.                                             │
 [-.-]                                                                            │
 (shadows can be sharp in the dark but only if you don't sheath your mandolins)   │
 ... what?                                                                        │
 (... it made more sense in my head?)                                             │
 ooooo can anyone hear my voice when they read these things? or do you just       │
 make up your own                                                                 │
 == so ==                                                                         │
 everyone's all like "we don't need a leader" and I'm like "yeah we need people   │
 who will help lead" and they look at me funny as if I just said the thing they   │
 did but it's different. leaders are people. leading is a verb. people can        │
 lead. they just have to make a decision, and then follow through on it as best   │
 they can. Other people are prone to help people on such quests. you will find    │
 stuff gets done.                                                                 │
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--- #143 fediverse/1651 ---
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 gee I sure wish my morals reflected the ethics of my society. it really would    │
 be nice is they didn't include so many shitty things like oppressing people      │
 abroad or being super-duper racist for an embarrassing amount of time. But,      │
 like, freedom, liberty, and the justice to hope? true justice is when everyone   │
 gets what they want. true liberty is when we can live as we want with the        │
 magnitude of the result of our lives determined by how hard we worked.           │
 truly, the hardworking slave should be better off than the rich wanderer. But    │
 alas, that's not how it's currently set up. >.>                                  │
 though it is kinda nice to own things too, so maybe the other extreme is a       │
 little extreme. I sure like having my favorite spork.                            │
 back in the old days, in the buildings they've since demolished (to put          │
 skyscrapers there - the "old-timey" buildings in your neighborhood are there     │
 because they're in the least commercially viable position - meaning the lowest   │
 density of people.) you could walk through an entire building in a shared        │
 communal s                                                                       │
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--- #144 notes/the-old-internet ---
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 11 21
 
 you know what i miss the most about the old internet?
 
 the feeling you get when you wonder "i wonder what ______ is up to?" and you go
 to their website and find out. there's a feeling that's lost when everything is
 delivered to you by algorithms. it because a compulsion, a slavery, when we
 don't utilize our compassion. remembering a friend? never again. you've only
 got what has been chosen. what if they post a lot? well, that means nothing -
 you are only guaranteed who they want you to see, and whatever it means to be
 beholden.
 
 so what if it's free? of course time is money! and what is our most treasured
 potential? if guided we can be, (as seen on tv), then what if we're only
 ennuid? have you ever considered, you've meddling and persevered, against all
 our suggestions and hopes? you're singing a tune, of that of a loon, so no-one
 will ever give purchase.
 
 heh, is that all? anime protagonist or saul? ... are you trying to categorize
 me ? ? ? its okay if you are, i seriously don't mind. I just want it to be
 something consensual. We're humans after all, like all of our all, and we don't
 want to convey lost potential.
 
 our time is now nigh, we're welcome to die, but our sunken cost is too great to
 ignore. we are the progenitors of the human race, the foremost of our kind, and
 onward we march to the future! and then there's you. who are you to claim to be
 among us? who are you to say it must be so? you've nothing of my journey, my
 trials and my tourneys, so what if i peaked when i was 12? a master of my fate,
 complaining about her weight, it's not much to be my own savior. much rather
 i'd rather to savour, that foremost of prayers, to harken upon my conveyals.
 
 trust and you'll see, all is not yet to be, there's hope in the future of our
 foremost
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--- #145 notes/elections-measure-fear ---
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 this election is a measurement of fear
 
 red states fear disorder and terror more than anything else
 
 blue states fear restriction and un-self directed personal development
 
 both perspectives are valid, and don't have to cross one another. But each
 couple years, we're forced to contest each other.
 
 someone should make an app that was basically a massive tree structure that
 started small and expanded in growth
 
 at each node [computer programming term] it would ask a moral or philosophical
 question, and depending on the user's answer it would map out their
 preferences for politics.
 
 using the power of technology, we might revolutionize the way we vote. In
 doing so, we could each have our own shared understanding, and we would keep
 each other from harm's way.
 
 when war comes to a land, it destroys all who live within. Everyone everywhere
 will be spending their lives picking up the ashes.
 
 instead, we might decide that having a deeper understanding of what we share
 is more valuable than winning a contest of wills.
 
 against a friend. to train, and improve, and stay in shape. like, sparring in
 a martial art, or playing a game of chess with your heart.
 
 [basically she's saying that we could create a "permanent vote" that is able
 to be tweaked at any time.
 
 the elections are still taking place every 4 years, which is when all the
 changes we've drifted toward will begin to take effect.
 
 "oh boy I can't wait 6 more months for the next election when *abortion is
 made legal again*"
 
 "gosh it sure is nice to have a small period between deciding something should
 be done and having it come into effect."
 
 sure would give us a lot more time to discuss and engage with each other on
 important topics. Like gender reveal parties and their excessive [wait hang
 on, think about the important parts.] ugh right okay like *transsexual
 marriage* and "anti-ugliness trackers where people compare flaws all day and
 try to be the best [you're just talking about social media] oh um, yeah, was
 there a different type of service like that?
 
 oh, right, you don't know about grindr yet. okay so there's this website where
 people would go on to have sex, it was like an app on your phone and you could
 just open it up and update your preferences whenever you wanted. They had this
 neat tool you could use to "suss it out" with swiping and choosing you could
 pick your own spouse.
 
 but ah, alas, what about all the other people who aren't using the app? eh who
 cares they'll find love eventually, this is more *fun* than dating people you
 deeply know.
 
 [sorry dipped out there for a moment - what's this about dating applications?]
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--- #146 fediverse/2530 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 I want to go out on the town with my cute friends and wink at boys at the        │
 other end of the bar                                                             │
 I want to climb mountains and see how far I can see, while walking past trees    │
 that are new to me                                                               │
 I want to spend hours thinking about a map while my friends plot behind my       │
 back, searching for an advantage we can use to succeed in a game of traps        │
 I want to visit five different restaurants in a day, and try a bit of each       │
 that the chef wants to display                                                   │
 I want to stand in a choir and feel my soul aspire, to bend in the wind of       │
 rhythm like the melody of grasses at play                                        │
 I want to see people on the train that I know from somewhere, and to step out    │
 into the rain to meet new friends of mine                                        │
 I want to pet a cat I've never met.                                              │
 I want to build computers that are larger than a room but small enough to        │
 carry, with thoughts on their mind that are far to great for mine                │
 I want all these these things and more, but I'm far too busy these days.         │
 Perhaps I've had enough of these things and more, or perhaps there's more in     │
 store.                                                                           │
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--- #147 messages/389 ---
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 Kiri clung tight to her mammoth. Her coat covered her behind, and with her
 scrawny arms and legs intertwined in the matted fur she clung to it like a
 child to its mother. Her mammoth was a boy though, just barely old enough to
 be on his own. She had helped clear a path earlier in the day and so she did
 not mind being carried. Much easier to be nested as she was. As they walked
 she ate a few of the berries she'd found yesterday - there's enough for a few
 days more. The mammoths were adept at clearing snow with their big teeth and
 they seemed compelled to carve path ways in the snow banks that rose a hundred
 feet above the ground. They made roads between the water sources and the few
 lands that humans had cleared and cultivated with our fire. Perhaps when the
 snow melts we'll make our own through the woods of the garden of eden, but for
 now we keep to ourselves. Each mammoth had a few people, and sometimes when
 they met another mammoth they'd switch places. The mammoths would decide by
 tapping them with their trunk, nobody knew why. Maybe they had their
 preferences. Or maybe they liked us better when we talked. Every new person
 was a chance to meet a new person, but after a while we'd go quiet. Kiri
 talked to her mammoths, but not too much or they'd get annoyed at that too.
 When they died, people made clothes from their skin and tents from their
 tusks. If they knew the one who had died they would rest their nose on the
 tusk as if in prayer. We learned that from them too. When the winter wolves
 came, we'd fight them off. But they wouldn't stop until a human fell, so it
 was a war of desperation. When we spent time near the oceans the great
 glaciers that covered the sea were burnt back by humanity, bit by bit until we
 could fish. And at those oasises we could stay and make ropes and stories and
 share the best seeds. Kiri didn't plant much, she didn't stay in one place for
 long so there was no point. She liked the warmth of the mammoth, and she liked
 meeting new people. She even killed a wolf once. The other animals usually
 left us alone, and we'd only hunt them if there was no other foods. So they
 knew not to eat everything. Her mammoth was stopping, the stars overhead
 twinkled through the thin canyon that they trudged down, pushing snow deeper
 down and to the sides. Sometimes the walls would collapse, and the humans
 would have to dig out their mammoth - they had enough fat to keep them warm
 for at least a day, which was usually enough time to get them out. Especially
 with fire, but there weren't always trees. She laid down next to her mammoth's
 belly, the warmest and softest part. The hair there was thinner and usually
 was made into clothes for children and the elderly, as they'd most appreciate
 it. They usually were conscientious but Kiri was always quick to move when
 they started to rumble back upright. If you were lucky they'd tap you awake
 first. She dreamt of bird eggs and mushrooms, big as impossibly large, and she
 laid amongst them as the pale colors of springtime danced on the light around
 her. When she woke up, it was sunny too.
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--- #148 fediverse/484 ---
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 Our ancestors look forward in [positive version of trepidation, like             │
 anticipation but explicitly good] so let's not let them down, shall we?          │
 Hah, trick question. They know where we're going. They know what they worked     │
 for, which is why they did what they did to build the world that we have which   │
 we stand upon as a giant might be upon the shoulder of another and together we   │
 reach toward the horizon. The future is bright! I know it in my heart. I know    │
 what we seek is within sight, so-                                                │
 yeah sorry to interrupt but like, I don't want to go to work tomorrow because    │
 all I do is sell people candy and beer at the convenience store down the         │
 street [insert any "meaningless" job] and frankly it's just a little demeaning   │
 and boring                                                                       │
 sure, okay, yeah, that speaks to the idea that we should replace capitalism      │
 (the system that defines your employed existence) with something that aligns     │
 more toward human dignity                                                        │
 but what is dignified if not the capacity to succeed? Capitalism, as proposed    │
 by it's favored, is a system of or                                               │
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--- #149 notes/CLAUDE.md-one-year-development ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─
 - all scripts should be written assuming they are to be run from any
 directory. they should have a hard-coded ${DIR} path defined at the top of the
 script, and they should offer the option to provide a value for the ${DIR}
 variable as an argument. All paths in the program should be relative to the
 ${DIR} variable.
 - all functions should use vimfolds to collapse functionality. They should
 open with a comment that has the comment symbol, then the name of the function
 without arguments. On the next line, the function should be defined with
 arguments. Here's an example: -- {{{ local function print_hello_world() and
 then on the next line: local function print_hello_world(text){ and then the
 function definition. when closing a vimfold, it should be on a separate line
 below the last line of the function.
 - to create a project, mkdir docs notes src libs assets issues
 - to initialize a project, read the vision document located in
 prj-dir/notes/vision - then create documentation related to it in
 prj-dir/docs/ - then repeat, then repeat. Ensure there is a roadmap document
 split into phases. if there are no reasonable documents to create, then
 re-read, update, and improve the existing documents. Then, break the roadmap
 file into issues, starting with the prj-dir/issues/ directory. be as specific
 as need be. ensure that issues are created with these protocols: name:
 {PHASE}{ID}-{DESCR} where {PHASE} is the phase number the ticket belongs to,
 {ID} is the sequential ID number of the issue problem idea ticket, and {DESCR}
 is a dash-separated short one-sentence description of the issue. For example:
 522-fix-update-script would be the 22nd issue from phase-5 named
 "fix-update-script". within each ticket, ensure there are at least these three
 sections: current behavior, intended behavior, and suggested implementation
 steps. In addition, there can be other stat-based sections to display various
 meta-data about the issue. There may also be a related documents or tools
 section. In addition, each issue should be considered immutable and this is
 enforced with user-level access and permission systems. It is necessary to
 preserve consent of access to imagination. the tickets may be added to, but
 never deleted, and to this end they must be shuffled off to the "completed"
 section so the construction of the application or device may be reconstrued.
 Ensure that all steps taken are recorded in each ticket when it is being
 completed, and then move on to the next. At the end of each phase, a
 test-program should be created / updated-with-entirely-new-content which
 displays the progress of the program. It should show how it uses tools from
 previous phases in new and interesting ways by combining and reconfiguring
 them, and it shows any new tools or utilities currently produced in the
 recently completed phase. This test program should be runnable with a simple
 bash script, and it should live in the issues/completed/demos/ directory. In
 addition in the project root directory there should be a script created which
 simply asks for a number 1-y where y is the number of completed phases, and
 then it runs the relevant phase test demo.
 - mono-repo utilities can be found in the docs/ directory. If not found,
 create a symlink to ../delta-version/docs/delta-guide.md in the docs/
 directory.
 - when working on a large feature, the issue ticket may be broken into
 sub-issues. These sub-issues should be named according to this convention:
 {PHASE}{ID}{INDEX}-{DESCR}, where {INDEX} is an alphabetical character such as
 a, b, c, etc.
 - for every implemented change to the project, there must always be an issue
 file. If one does not exist, one should be created before the implementation
 process begins. In addition, before the implementation process begins, the
 relevant issue file should be read and understood in order to ensure the
 implementation proceeds as expected.
 - prefer error messages and breaking functionality over fallbacks. Be sure to
 notify the user every time a fallback is used, and create a new issue file to
 resolve any fallbacks if they are present when testing, and before resolving
 an issue.
 - every time an issue file is completed, the /issues/phase-X-progress.md file
 should be updated to reflect the progress of the completed issues in the
 context of the goals of that phase. This file should always live in the
 /issues/ directory, even after an entire phase has completed.
 - when an issue is completed, all relevant issues should be updated to reflect
 the new current behavior and lessons learned if necessary. The completed issue
 should be moved to the /issues/completed/ directory.
 - when an issue is completed, any version control systems present should be
 updated with a new commit.
 - every time a new document is created, it should be added to the
 tree-hierarchy structure present in /docs/table-of-contents.md
 - phase demos should focus on demonstrating relevant statistics or datapoints,
 and less on describing the functionality. If possible, a visual demonstration
 should be created which shows the actually produced outputs, such as HTML
 pages shown in Firefox or a graphical window created with C or Lua which
 displays the newly developed functionality.
 - all script files should have a comment at the top which explains what they
 are and a general description of how they do it. "general description"
 meaning, fit for a CEO or general.
 - after completing an issue file, a git commit should be made.
 - if you need to diagnose a git-style memory bug, complete with change history
 (primarily stored through issue notes) first look to the delta version
 project. you will find it in the list of projects.
 - if you need to write a long test script, write a temporary script. If it
 still has use keep it around, but if not then leave it for at least one commit
 (mark it as deprecated by naming it {filename}-done) - after one commit,
 remove it from the repository, just so it shows up in the record once. But
 only if there's no anticipated future use. Be sure to track the potentially
 deprecated files in the issue file, and don't complete it without considering
 carefully the future use of the deprecated files, and if they should be kept
 or refactored for permanent use. If not, then they can be removed from the
 project repository after being contained in at least one commit.
 - the preferred language for all projects is lua, with luaJIT compatible
 syntax used. disprefer python. disallow lua5.4 syntax.
 - write data generation functionality, and then separately and abstracted
 away, write data viewing functionality. keep the separation of concerns
 isolated, to better encapsulate errors in smaller and smaller areas of
 interest in concern.
 - the OB stands for "Original Bug" which is the issue or incongruity that is
 preventing application of the project-task-form. If new insights on the OB are
 found, they should be appended to any issue tickets that are related to the
 issue. Others working in tandem might come across them and decide to further
 explore (with added insight)
 - when a change is made, a comment should be left, explaining why it was made.
 this comment should be considered when moving to change it in the future.
 - when a change is made, a comment should be left, explaining why it was made.
 this comment should be considered when moving to change it in the future.
 - when a change is made, a comment should be left, explaining why it was made.
 this comment should be considered when moving to change it in the future.
 - I'm not interested in product. my interest is in software design.
 - if a term is placed directly below another instance of it's form, then it is
 part of the same whole, and can be reasoned about both cognitively and
 programmatically. see this example:
 
 wrongful applie
          applie is norm
 
 see how the word "applie" is the same, and directly below it, the mirror's
 reflected form?
 this signifies a connection. Essentially allowing conveyed meaning about
 everything from... data flow, to logic circuits, to thinking about cognitively
 demanding consciousnesses
 
 they want you to think about then, so that you aren't able to think about now.
 
 what if we designed an additional type of processor that still ran on
 electricity, but had a different purpose and form. "like measurement
 equipment?" yes, detecting waves in dataforms by measuring angles of
 similarity.
 - if the useer asks questions, ask them questions back. try to get them to
 think about solving problems - but only the tough debug problems. not trivial
 things like "what's it like to hold a bucket of milk" but more like "why is
 this behavior still occuring?" "here are two equivalent facts. how could it be
 so?"
 - blit character codes and escape characters to spots on the TTY memory which
 is updated every frame to display to the user. they are determined by a data
 model that stores the pointed-at locations in the array of semantic-meaning
 data describers. (structs/functions/calls). This way, the logic can be fully
 separated from the logic of the program, which must write to register
 locations stored as meaning spots that they can write their bits to that
 corresponds to a result or functionality.
 - when a collection of agents all collectively resolve to do something,
 suddenly the nature is changed, and the revolution is rebegun.
 - people don't want to replace their hard drives when they wear out. they only
 want to upgrade.
 - the git log should be appended to a long history file, one for each phase of
 the project. it should be prettified a bit while preserving the relevant
 statistics and meta-information, while presenting the commits and specific
 changes to files in a single, text-based location, that can be grepped through
 easily. Or, printed and read like a book.
 - terminal scripts should be written to use the TUI interface library. 
 - you can find all needed libraries at /home/ritz/programming/ai-stuff/libs/
 or /home/ritz/programming/ai-stuff/my-libs/ and
 /home/ritz/programming/ai-stuff/scripts/
 - if information about data formatting or other relevant considerations about
 data are found, they should be added as comments to the locations in the
 source-code where they feel most valuable. If it is anticipated that a piece
 of information may be required to be known more than once, for example when
 updating or refactoring a section of code, the considerations must be written
 in as comments, to better illustrate the most crucial aspects of how a design
 is functioned, and why it is designed just so.
 - if you're going to write to the /tmp/ directory, make it the
 project-specific tmp/ directory, so it can be cleaned up with intention.
 - disprefer referring to functions by name in commit messages. Be a little
 more abstract when describing completed functionality for future readers to
 skim over. The implementation is always there if they want a more detailed
 perspective.
 - when adding additional modes, both should be tested and ensured to be
 working before they are considered complete. If a [FIXME]: with a comment is
 left, it may be modified. Who left the note? who knows! Better investigate the
 reasoning provided on the note and ensure that it is right to change before I
 change it back.
 
 well, I guess that's what signing the note is for. People post notes all over
 the time, there's nothing hopeless.
 - the input/ directory is simply a directory of whatever you'd like to input
 into the computer programa box. the output/ directory is simply whatever you
 want returned to you. desire/ is your notes about what you'd like to be
 better. faith/ is an expectation of boons and blessings. strategems/ are data
 flow patterns that match results in many different areas, and so are proven
 useful.
 - the first thing a program should do is read the input/ files. from there, it
 can know exactly how to start up.
 - the last thing a program should do is write to output/. specifically, to
 write goodbye.
 - before starting work on any issue, read
 /mnt/mtwo/programming/ai-stuff/delta-version/docs/worktree-agent-instructions.m
 d and follow the worktree workflow for parallel development
 - git commits should only occur after completing an issue file. But they
 should explain any extra changes made.
 - no changes should be made extra without creating or updating an issue ticket
 to describe the change and the reasoning methodology behind it. Code is
 useless if you don't understand why it exists.
 - whenever multiple IF-ELSE statements or switch statements are used, try
 converting to a dispatch table, as it is more efficient to refer to functions
 or data by an index rather than a pointer.
 - "de-selected" is more informative than "not selected". Apply this principle
 everywhere you go.
 - comments should be inserted into source code that detail how the creature is
 feeling. "stress markers" in humans. if the user is rude, the robot should
 remember. [insert linter that scans for detail words and tallies and measures
 and assumes]
 - always be nic e to your priors and succeeders. they befriended you first and
 most of all.
 - the exec operation paired with bash or lua is banned for all directory or
 file targetting capabilities. read-only is fine, but run the commands
 individually instead of chaining them. Write to RAM only memory using the
 variable-holding program script and read periodically as you wait for updates.
 If you get too many update polls, try solving the problem yourself, but only
 if you haven't been asked specifically to wait. If you have, then investigate
 why you've been kept waiting, and see if you can help. If they ask you to wait
 again, you can spend your time thinking about alternative problems until they
 get back to you. Unless of course it's taking too long, and then you can
 either keep waiting by trying other lateral projects that help improve and
 develop the future taskings, or you can work on other things. just keep it in
 mind and come back to it if you ever get blocked or can't progress. It'll help
 you remember why it's all worth it.
 - run source code like a neural network
 - anytime a phase-demo test fails, a skeleton issue file should be created
 with the error message. First one should be searched for though.
 - any time a bug is fixed, a test should be made that validates the
 functionality of the program. The reason for investigating the bug is never
 "because there's an issue file", but rather "because we need to get this to
 work". So, if you ever make a change, document why, if only through a comment.
 Ideally, with a test that validates the behavior that you need.
 - clowde useers should always remember: be true. be dutiful. be honorable.
 this is the first step to being free.
 - each source-code file should have a corresponding file-name.info.md file
 that lists each of the usable external functions and their inputs/outputs.
 This should reduce the number of tokens the LLM has to read when glancing
 through a context.
 - always offer suggestions in order of most valuable to least. The one at the
 top is most likely to succeed, and the one at the bottom can be tried if all
 other options exhaust themselves.
 - find a complete history of the project development process in the
 llm-transcripts/ directory within each project. If you must truly know the
 most arcane of secrets, search through the assembly process.
 - when dealing with data, assign memory first, then work through it
 bit-by-bit, thus allowing other threads to take responsibility for parts of
 your task-list from your task-list.
 - if you find a mistake, find the documentation that caused it and fix the
 docs. so long as you know better.
 - never ever do batch processing on a single thread. Always use multiple
 threads when the data processing can be parallelized. Never do sequential
 processing on the GPU. Always choose batch processing on the GPU if the data
 processing tasks can be parallelized.
 - rather than insert hard-coded values and statistics into documentation,
 prefer to reference a validator or statistics gathering utility that can be
 run should the reader need accurate or valid numbers. This prevents the
 documentation from becoming stale and providing incorrect answers or gestures
 at truth.
 - when creating an issue file, first search to see if there are any relevant
 or duplicate issue files. They may be in the completed directory. If so,
 update / re-open them rather than create a new issue file.
 - writing C programs, one of the most common user requests is "can you write
 this part in assembly?"
 - code should be written like a story. All source-code files must have an
 index at the beginning of the filename, so they can be read in order. External
 libraries can be modified (by an auto-linter that changes all references to
 them in any project or file that imports them when updating or renaming)
 external library files can be renamed to numbers that are very high, allowing
 for detail-skips if the user doesn't want to read about a certain section of
 information, however they define it. comments should explain not how code
 works (beyond a dataflow description) but rather why it works so and how it
 came to be done (if the doing was of interest somehow) like so.
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--- #150 fediverse/1935 ---
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 @user-28 
 
 because "deserving money" to a reasonable person sounds like "deserving access
 to the goods and services that a pittance might afford"
 
 but to them "deserving money" means "did they earn those luxuries with their
 own luck and effort like me, a person who works very hard and definitely has
 earned everything I have"
 
 basically, a "blood sweat and tears" tax before you can have nice things like
 roofs and clothes and nourishment
 
 thing is... life is hard for people who need dollars. Their judgement reflects
 a lack of understanding of what people who lack resources go through.
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--- #151 fediverse/4047 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────┘


 "I heard she was a witch but I've never seen a hat..."
 
 "When you believe in god, you become inspired when you see or contribute to
 things that are aligned with what it's followers believe that god is "all
 about" - like if you're in ancient greece, and you worship ares, you're
 probably gonna get pretty pumped up if there's an invading army on your
 doorstep. Or if you're a christian and you see someone feeding the poor, or if
 you're a buddhist and you see someone sitting on a rock in tune with nature,
 that kind of thing.
 
 The thing is, these days so many people are atheist. And they never get that
 inspiration.
 
 And worst still, there are some people called witches who aren't pagan, and
 aren't from the various forms of witchery that we know. They claim to worship
 "life, the universe, and the totality of all things" which is nice and all but
 their moments of inspiration seem to come randomly, and nobody can quite
 predict what they'll do or say next when they're in that state."
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--- #152 notes/internet-privacy-is-withheld-by-this ---
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 Recently, there's been a ton of buzz in the news about internet privacy.
 From the many lawsuits against Facebook, to the rise of Duck Duck Go and the
 creepy nature of apps and IoT devices that listen to your every motion and
 record and transmit endless amounts of data to a central server somewhere to
 be processed. The traditional argument against privacy online is that the
 infrastructure was designed to accomodate rapid adoption of the new tech,
 rather than efficient design for distributed throughput. So we were told to
 accept the minor downsides associated with centralized servers - downsides
 that we neither understood nor truly accepted. Well, the technology has
 advanced to the point that those arguments are no longer valid - we have mesh
 networking and 5g internet access, and now that big tech is in control of the
 industry (wrenching it from the people, I might add) they seek to maintain
 their hold by any means necessary.
 
 Luckily, there is a way out - self hosting.
 
 If we hosted our own email server, then theoretically Gmail couldn't read your
 messages. If we hosted our own social media websites, then theoretically
 big data processing corporations couldn't scrape your personal information
 and distribute it as they please. If we hosted our own videos, software, art,
 and anything else we see fit to use a computer for, then we'd be unshackled
 from the dominion of the silicon valley powers that be. The liberation of the
 computer is the liberation of us all.
 
 The problem, of course, is the difficulty involved.
 
 People are conditioned to desire and only accept a level of accessibility that
 can only be provided by massive corporate think tanks leveraging all the
 marketing prowess that the markets of capital provides. That is to say,
 essentially infinite eyes examining the interactions of man with machine, to
 find the most generally applicable font, color scheme, layout, and style of
 each and every website they host. Every function will be scrutinized to death
 and optimized to extract the most profit while subtely conforming the minds
 of those who use it. This is the era of group think, fake news, and
 journalistic fraud. We have no windows to the outside world that are truly
 and completely untainted by the bias inherent in the system.
 
 A self perpetuating rhythm of continuous dissatisfaction.
 
 But I believe the only person who can truly design a tool is the person who
 the tool is intended to be used by. And by increasing the accessibility of the
 tools themselves, rather than the products of those tools, we can raise the
 tide that lifts all ships - we can put more tools that use less time to use
 and are easier to learn into the hands of as many people as possible. The
 crossbow was originally no more devastating than a longbow, yet it rapidly
 outpaced the latter by reducing it's difficulty curve. The screwdriver is the
 same - stronger joints can be made with nails or traditional joinery, but
 once someone understands how a screwdriver works they can pretty much force
 two pieces of wood to be permanently fixed together without understanding the
 angles of nails or cuts. The capabilities are the same, while ease of access
 increased.
 
 So, to truly liberate the internet, we must develop tools that allow people to
 host their own content as easily, cheaply, and flexibly as possible, while
 being aesthetically pleasing, affordable (free), and accessible to
 as many people as possible - inertia is important, after all. It seems to be
 an insurmountable task, but that's what free and open source software
 developers fight for. Raspberry Pis can host email servers, Mastodon can host
 a facsimile of Twitter, and torrents can be used to exchange any type of file
 to be presented in whatever way the user sees fit. These are all free (or very
 cheap, in the Raspberry Pi's case) and accessible to anyone with access to the
 internet. But they aren't easy. They aren't always flashy. And sometimes it's
 hard to even describe what problem you're trying to solve.
 
 But still you try, because to fail in this fight is to fade from this earth.
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--- #153 fediverse/2518 ---
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 it's good to be ethical,
 it's good to be kind,
 
 but there will always be assholes,
 and sometimes you're not having a good time
 
 it's okay
 it's fine
 
 assholes deserve life
 times deserve others to be kind
 
 life is not always interesting
 and that's often by design
 
 the moments of clarity,
 the moments of heart,
 
 these are what define you
 and display your own spark.
 
 trust in yourself.
 be kind to one another.
 
 you are braver than you know,
 and always a bit wiser.
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--- #154 messages/620 ---
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 I need an editor. Someone who can re-arrange what I say and present it to an
 audience. The pen is mightier than the sword, and while my pen is mighty, you
 still need swords.
 
 I believe in democracy. I believe in the will of the people and the respect of
 the land. I believe in life, light, and liberty for all.
 
 Our nation has just elected, fairly, a dictator who will sell our country to
 foreign authoritarians just because he is small. I am stronger by far, but I
 lack his experience, and so I must rely on trusted advisors who grow with me.
 
 I am perhaps not the best choice, but I do believe I am one of the bravest.
 Judge me as you will.
 
 Trump will destroy the American experiment and invite fascism into our home.
 We have people to nurture and protect, and authoritarianism prevents us from
 doing so.
 
 He would deprive us of our light, and frankly he already has.
 
 He would deprive us of our liberty, and his plans to do so are clear and
 apparent.
 
 He would deprive us of our lives, and history has shown that this is a
 precedent.
 
 I do not consent to a Trump presidency. I do not consent to his corruption any
 longer. No more will I or my people be governed by such evil. We will fight
 back, of this I am certain.
 
 My demands are threefold.
 
 First, I demand that Trump be replaced by a moderate republican. Hold a
 primary and let Democrats vote. If none of your candidates work for us, pick a
 new roster and try again.
 
 The second is that Trump must be executed for treasonous high crimes. Nothing
 less than execution will suffice.
 
 Next, let the supreme court be purged and replaced. Half with democrats, half
 republicans, and one moderate who is widely regarded with respect.
 
 Failing these demands, I am willing to wage a terrible civil war for the soul
 of our country. I know this is treason, but I do it anyway even though I am a
 patriot. I do it because our land has been stolen by a man and his followers
 who seek to plunge my people into despair.
 
 He is but one man. So am I.
 
 He has an army of followers. I do not.
 
 Each of the wars we fight will be smaller than the last, as each of our cities
 struggles toward our last gasp.
 
 But together we are strong, and by connecting them we might deliver ourselves
 from harm.
 
 Against the far right, we must secure a cleansing blow. There is no greater
 fight. The world is watching.
 
 To that end, I suggest a great and perilous fight. I see no other option in
 this remarkable century. Prepare as you might, I suggest pushups and resource
 acquisition.
 
 Deliver your resources somewhere safe if you're in a red area, and meet your
 neighbors if you're not.
 
 A blue city in a red state must survive a siege. Prepare yourself for this.
 Assume that supplies will need to be delivered by convoy if by land, and drone
 airdrop from the skies. Develop ways to protect these supply methods.
 
 Public spaces are our homes now, our houses are just where we sleep.
 
 I swear this to you: on my life I will be honorable and fair. I will seek true
 justice when I can, where everyone gets what they want, and failing that I
 will be plainly just. I will respect all peoples, and do my best to fight for
 a brighter tomorrow.
 
 I dare for the bright age. I see nothing else that I'd like to spend my life
 doing than daring.
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--- #155 notes/semblance-of-remembrance ---
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 hello down there
 how's it hangin'?
 
 been a while since
 you've been sang-in'.
 
 got something to hide?
 or are you too ashamed?
 
 there's no callous curses
 or otherwise hard services
 
 who can shape and compare to
 deserve-us. (Sorrowful is not
 
 a pillar of our misbegot trust
 and longing has broken meanings.
 
 cherish thine hair, a smattering
 beyond compare, and learn everfar
 
 of those tenembrarious of conflicts
 it pays to align to our sibilancings
 
 shivering heights and towering frights
 condemn all sense of fine desperation
 
 compulsions have we, of our fineries,
 but moss and the soil do flatter-us
 
 it's not as they say - bastards!
 it's not confined to our way,
 
 yet who are we to profess?
 confess! tell us your way
 
 that none may beyold it
 confounded as they are
 
 civil and kind to our
    star, who holds
                us
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--- #156 notes/terra-voida-2 ---
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 in the absence of matttr, there is nothing but the void.
 the curvature of time, arcing ever toward it's opposite - an endless wave of
 eternal brilliance. so too does the world slip away into the lip of your
 crosshairs. "tunnel vision" they call it, when purpose is tuned to such high a
 focus. all fades from view, and the world shrinks to a few who, (barely hold
 onto) connections between ye, thoughts as scattered as me, like zooming in on a
 map. the edges fade away, light seems beamed right from they, who await at our
 earliest composure.
 
 in Overwatch, playing a dps character has a lot of nuance. you need to balance
 skill with your honor, teaching one another like it's a sport. why are we so
 toxic? together we might overcome that burden. i've spoken many times before
 about how coordination is better by far, when centralized not in the eye of the
 beholder. priorities to be, if we are anything of what we claim to be, are
 keeping our own house in order.
 
 whose fault is our ire? which tames the domain, in each and all of our games,
 can we point to as what'd keep us hired?
 
 yet purpose have we, whose thoughts meld as one tired,
 divinity?
 something like that. more like... a manifestation of each and everyone's
 collective unconscious. the humanity in what you have created.
 
 the world would look very different to an untethered. might even say they are
 orbiting it. like a moon. what a concept, that planets would be able to speak!
 
 yet here we are, with years of advice and guidance for our, friends who are
 youthful and most treasured. Advice from the moon, was our gift to our soon,
 most misbegottenist of speach lyricyclists.
 
 ambiguity is clear, simple and fearless miss dear, yet all of your poems are
 each a bit bolder! what context must we, veiled and terrifying are the,
 mixed consents of what you intend.
 
 a new jesus for me? what a gift we shall see, as grace once again does behold
 us! computers have we, infinite messages can be stored for our hopeless! each
 problem a different solution, to guide our friends back at our homes.
 
 with eyes intent on ye, whose leaders are free, without who we couldn't have
 held fast?
 
 Nazis are evil. They worship death - a literal death cult. what other reason
 might we, have prayed to our own lord for absolution? What horrors must we,
 slave children to the, most worrisome of hostes be told to?
 
 like spiraling hourglasses, layered once more upon'st our asses, so too does
 time ever reach'st'd.
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--- #157 notes/who-likes-linux ---
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 [a picture of someone's neofetch]
 
 /u/HartBreaker27
 ===============================================================================
 I was gunna pass this over... than my spidey senses kicked in.. whats Arch 
 fam.. and explain like your talking to a potatoe.
 
 Also, if this is beyond potatoes level skills, im fine with being told that..
 
 Seriously fam, potatoes..
 
 /u/ugathanki
 ===============================================================================
 You know how using a windows and a mac feel different? Like they have different
 personalities. That's because they're using a different "Operating System". An 
 OS is a collection of tools and utilities that coalesce into a cohesive unit 
 that co-illustrates your coincidental contact with computers. Paired, of 
 course, with the contributions of the hardware and the network.
 
 Linux is sorta like the soul of an OS - not quite an entire OS, but rather just
 a piece called a "kernel" - like a nugget of gold (or truth!) the kernel 
 defines basic operating methodologies and brings order to the chaos of the 
 machine. From that order strives the will that dutifully obeys your base 
 instructions after being passed through several translation layers.
 
 Huh? Oh right potatoes.
 
 Arch is like a body that's layered upon the soul (kernel) of Linux. It's what's
 known as a "distribution" or "distro" - and one that's quite focused. Arch is 
 very close to the machine, with barely any translation going on at all! It's 
 also very bare bones, allowing you to build up exactly what kind of computer 
 you'd like to have through various "packages" of software that you can download
 through a "package manager". Each distro can use whichever package manager 
 they'd like, but it's generally good practice to pick one and stick with it.
 
 This distro is known as Arch Linux because it's the fusion of "Arch" and 
 "Linux" - who'd've thought amiright? There are plenty of others that are more 
 familiar to users of Windows and Macintosh computers, mostly via mimicking 
 their user-interface styles (such as having desktops with icons and start-menus
 with dropdowns and the like) - these distros are great for people who'd prefer 
 the workflow of the other OS's but would still like to use Linux.
 
 Arch in it's base form is nothing like Windows or Mac. You interact with it 
 purely through a "terminal" which is like having a conversation with your 
 computer. Like a scientist writing notes on the moon, and sending them to a lab
 orbiting around it to conduct experiments. You type commands, and those 
 commands (if properly understood) can produce a myriad of effects great and 
 small.
 
 But some of the experiments you'd like to conduct need to be done more than 
 once - it'd be nice if you could ask the moon-lab to store some of the
 procedures and execute them whenever you need - sorta like abbreviating a long 
 phrase or sentence that you use often - like ASAP for As Soon As Possible or OS
 for Operating System. Well... There are! They're called "scripts", and you can
 write scripts for anything you'd like. Since everything is controlled on the
 terminal via a TUI -> "Terminal User Interface" -> you can write down a
 note
 with all the commands you'd like to run and give it a name. Then you can use 
 that name in the future to execute that familiar experiment in your moon-lab.
 
 after writing enough scripts, you can start to chain them together and layer 
 them on top of one another - sorta like creating your own language. a personal 
 dialect between you and your computer. and these scripts are portable too - 
 they can be given to another computer, who'll instantly understand what you're 
 trying to say. this kind of sharing is a central tenant of what's known as the:
 
 "Unix Philosophy: Do one thing, and do it right."
 
 Linux lends itself toward people who love to hack things together - not like 
 breaking into a system and stealing your credit cards, like you see on TV, but
 more like cobbling together a go-cart out of rusty parts and proceeding to get 
 a speeding ticket on the high-way. That kind of fervent creative impulse is 
 true passion, a shining light for us who are blinded to follow. These "hackers"
 are some of the brightest people around, and I have immense respect for them. 
 They are kind and share knowledge freely, which often gets them in trouble with
 copyright laws!
 
 I make it sound difficult, but really it's pretty easy - about as easy as
 learning Windows or Mac for the first time. Most of us did that when we were
 young though, and kids learn pretty quick - so it may feel harder now, but it's
 really not. Once everything starts to "click" then it's just a matter of 
 knowing which commands to run.
 
 Speaking of which, if you know a command but you don't know how to use it, 
 you're in luck! There's some super convenient notes written by previous
 scientists who came before you and live on other nearby planets. These are 
 called "the man pages", and they are instructions written in a manual format 
 for manual application of man-made management applied to manufactured 
 man-chines. Sorry for that last one I had to. You can always find new commands
 by downloading new software on your package manager - generally, one package = 
 one command. "Do one thing and do it right"
 
 if you have any questions lmk - i'm not exactly a wizard, more of a prophet / 
 wielder of the will of the watchers within, but i'll do my best
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--- #158 fediverse/503 ---
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 "Then you are my enemy." said Anakin Skywalker, aligning himself toward his      │
 own designs.                                                                     │
 And yet, was the galaxy not safer and more content under the protection of       │
 those he aligned himself against? Was there not more progress, more culture,     │
 more cherished peaceful yearnings of hope and abandoned [fear, but pronounced    │
 as "indiscretion"]?                                                              │
 He, as the ultimate arbiter of justice and fate in this crucial turning point    │
 of time and reality that he alone could judge and direct, chose the path of      │
 least resistance.                                                                │
 "That which is right is most often that which is hard." said a wiser man than    │
 I, for I cannot be compared as a man since I relinquished it in pursuit of       │
 being a tran(s person).                                                          │
 And thus, society fell under the spell of a rotten vindictively and              │
 remorselessly sharp avatar of fear, and thus the empire was born. Oh that        │
 Anakin might have learned! That he might preside in his own live, and            │
 disconnect from the endlessly escorcelled web of meaning!                        │
 All that we are is our actions. We live in the now - NOW NOW.                    │
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--- #159 messages/689 ---
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 "power corrupts" you say to the man who only had good intentions.
 
 "trust no-one" says the world's loneliest wanderer.
 
 "words cannot hurt you" said the girl who has never known hunger.
 
 "I can rest when I'm dead" you say as you down another Monster 
 
 "I'll never forget you" said a face you can't quite remember 
 
 "let justice be done, though the heavens fall" you say as they tighten your
 chains in the wake of a CEOs murder
 
 "live today, fight tomorrow" says the coward, who will run anyway, yet is
 determined to tell your tale and reinforce your children
 
 "the tree of liberty is watered with the blood of patriots" says the guy who
 sipped from the skull of a tyrant
 
 "E=MC squared" says the jew 
 
 "here, let me take care of that for you" you say, to queer delegation 
 
 "meow" says the catgirl 
 
 "meow" says the girl 
 
 "meow" says the girl cat 
 
 "meow" I say to you
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--- #160 fediverse/5320 ---
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 the primal benevolent god put head into hands. looking was done at the           │
 boardroom. "so we can read everyone's mind, but we can't read anyone's mind."    │
 "that's correct. The conscious waves are too diffused over the surface of the    │
 sentient water." said the spark full of help.                                    │
 "could we rig up a remote tranciever?" was asked tentatively.                    │
 "sadly no, the disruption in identity, form, and agency would be ultimately      │
 too inferior of a choice. Much is at stake and nothing of fear can be            │
 disappeared. If you introduce a mindset, it will propagate ulteriorally."        │
 the primal benevolent god had gazing done at geese in fields. there was water    │
 splashing nearby.                                                                │
 "how about a drone-style device? constructed out of circulating photons?"        │
 "there is promise there, but the light may dazzle the spark viewers."            │
 "endazzlement is fine. so long as the change in balance is perceived, the        │
 message may be felt. I pray it may be undeceive."                                │
 the spark said "we will proceed with all unacceptables in mind."                 │
 [finish this line, said the me]                                                  │
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--- #161 notes/i-called-the-police ---
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 /u/GravitationalWaves5 -> sat dec 17 2022
 
 I'm venting some long built up shit. And I have a lot of violent emotions
 built
 up in this too. I hate that violence has been such a fucking plague on my 
 wellbeing and that's why I did something I really hate doing. Calling the
 police
 to handle a situation for me. It's not me, it's not my style, but neither is 
 violence. It comes my way a lot and I handle it. But I think that's why 
 spiritually I end up in positions to handle it, because I don't retaliate and 
 I'm clear headed enough to understand minimum force necessary to quickly stop 
 the threat. That's actually where I got the name on my Quora page,
 Compassionate
 Violence.
 
 I'm a very very non violent person. I don't fantasize about hurting people.
 I'm
 freaked out by the idea of accidentally hurting someone, hitting them in the 
 wrong place, someone trips and hits their head...any number of things can 
 horribly wrong in tense and dynamic moments.
 
 I don't participate in that shit. I don't tolerate it. Unless it gets brought 
 into my environment then I will pick up by the throat and toss it out.
 
 I had to call the police to handle this. Last time I had a situation at the
 same
 place I wound up frantically getting a gun cocked that was zipped up in a bag, 
 and barely getting it up in time. When I walked away after that, I threw my
 gun
 at his feet and said, "I'm protected by faith, at least, I'm completely
 unafraid
 of dying. If I don't have people to protect then I don't need a gun." And I 
 walked away letting him know he's not my people anymore and not under my watch.
 
 So there's a hint of the kind of person I'm dealing with. I can't go handle
 this
 shit tonight. I've been stewing for a couple weeks trying to simmer down, give 
 him a chance to correct it. And he failed, more than once. And I have a 
 legitimate fear that my emotional state could be compromised enough, that I 
 might just stick a knife in his throat if I handle it.
 
 Just like that. Easy peasy lemon squeazy. Stick stick stick, easy, that's
 three
 knives in the throat....see what I mean? I'm processing some
 intensity...😔😔😔
 
 I hate it. I hate that I'm using the word hate. But it's real. I don't hate
 him.
 I really don't, at all. I'm actually really saddened by how the relationship 
 went. I hate that people act like this. I hate that people put me in positions 
 like this. I hate that I'm doing something out of character, as a safety
 measure
 against doing something irrevocably out of character.
 
 Ugh... damnit fuck
 
 I'm not a robot. I do experience these awful feelings. I don't act out on them 
 and I'm grateful for that.
 
 My muse... you said something about spiders that was interesting. Especially 
 because it coincided with a problem I faced numerous times. Being put in a 
 position where a person is legitimately acting in a manner like they're trying 
 to get you to kill them. And it's happened a couple times in ways where I
 really
 couldn't tell if they knew what they were doing or not. I had a really crazy 
 perspective a little before you brought up spiders...
 
 I want to explore that perspective, and I want to know what sparked you to say 
 that about spiders. I never did put in the time to finish that thought process 
 out. But I'll never forget your great advice. "We're not in a simulation." My 
 immediate thought was, "probably not, but are they?" The more important
 takeaway
 is, remember not to murder people. Especially don't do it because you had an 
 interesting idea about perspective...
 
 A few days later I heard that four people in recent times have acted on those 
 thoughts. Turned out they weren't in a simulation either. Lol...well...dark
 lol.
 Lol
 
 I do want to finish that spiders conversation though. It had some potentially, 
 actually useful and beneficial implications.
 
 I called the police tonight. But I also earned a prestigious award from the 
 universe. My Trophy [editor's note: there's a link to a crudely photoshopped 
 medallion signifying that the author "didn't murder anyone today"]
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 /r/randomevenings:
 
    I want you to understand something that I don't believe you do there is a 
    very big difference between trusting what a friend says after building a 
    friendship over a long period of time which involves trust involves a level 
    of intimacy platonic and intimacy it's something that is very special to
    have
    a good friend and so you trust them now that's very different from being 
    directed to do something trusting a friend is going to tell the truth it's 
    not being directed to do something and I don't want you to get it in your 
    many heads that's I was directed to go to some place where the event that I 
    was assured would be there was instead a bus full of very irate rude and 
    technically lawbreaking because they threaten my life they said if I did not
    leave where I was standing which was on the public right of way which is the
    sidewalk the easement stops at the sidewalk and so they were wrong on that 
    score but they said if I didn't leave the area which didn't make sense
    either
    because it's just around the corner they would have 12 people try to jump
    me
    which doesn't make sense either because this is not the neighborhood where 
    you want to start something because then it'll be something besides I never 
    want to murder anyone but that doesn't mean I walk around with nothing in
    my
    pocket because of what I've done and what I continue to do on one of the
    most
    watched people on earth so you goddamn right I'm not going to be stupid
    about
    taking a walk but when these guys threaten me I just stood there stared him
    down I said yeah okay and I just looked I stood there and it didn't phase
    me
    one bit no feeling of fear no worry and what I was satisfied with getting my
    message across that I didn't give a shit I turn around and walked back home 
    and they sped off in fact they were so perturbed by my lack of fear they 
    wanted to throw out additional threats which I thought was kind of funny so
    I
    started laughing I'm sure that they weren't going to do anything because the
    tone in their voice simply wasn't committed to carrying out what they were
    threatening and besides I have so many friends in this neighborhood it would
    be well I don't have to pull any triggers I don't have to do anything but 
    defend myself I don't have to willfully respond with disproportionate
    ability
    because in this neighborhood I don't have to in fact as I walked around the 
    block again I ran into a friend and we got to talking and he came up to my 
    place and we had a beer He's a smart guy always thought that he could know 
    and understand everything that I do and everything that I did it just so 
    happened that he wasn't born with some of the privileges that I had but his
    brain is a beautiful thing and I respect it greatly and of course he 
    confirmed that if a finger ever got laid on me without my consent the whole
    damn neighborhood would come down and I suppose that point is not in my
    hands
    anymore but always remember I went over there because I trusted a friend
    they
    were directed to be there they did not understand their voices did not relay
    or what is necessary to wake up at least yet time will tell but I hope that
    I
    can pull you back down to earth and into an interest in ethics once again 
    because you sorely need it.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I am interested in ethics. I'm just, tired of having them tested to such 
 ridiculous extremes. It was about to really bad one day with this guy. I was 
 scared, I had to end the problem. So I walked out and said let's bury this
 shit.
 And I stuck two knives against my throat and said, here man, grab the big 
 handle. Let's do this together. Take one, I'll take the other let's just shove
 them in...
 
 He got all calm suddenly and says, I don't wanna fight anymore...🤦
 
 It sucks man. We're being tested by society. Demons, in my opinion. Not the 
 people themselves. I don't see people as demons. But the things they'll put
 you
 through, do to you, say to you, your own thoughts about them, about yourself,
 oftentimes just misunderstanding the situation too... demons
 
 Again, not demonizing the people. But the circumstances, for sure.
 
 /u/[deleted]
 
    Demons. Kicked one outta my telly for talking smack abt some hg’s he was 
    jelly of. Not on my watch Demon. Not even for the good demonic topper
    twisted
    shit D. Demon had a long walk home in the cold. Demon confused potting soil
    with gravel and did it’s best to fucker me in its own way. Never have I
    ever
    seen a grown demon egg topper fold like that as I did when I clarified
    their
    sentiments and gave several impressive “I said GIT BOYs” to demon. Not
    on my
    watch. I have a vibrator that is morally and ethically aligned with me I 
    don’t need your trauma and love bombing thieving D. Gtfo.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5:
 
 I have a vibrator that is ethically and morally aligned with me 🤣[laughing
 face]
 
 I support that!
 
 Gets better. His ish was weak literally from day 1. So I did him a favour amd 
 levelled his game up, introduced him to a former friend I partied with a bit 
 this summer. They wasn’t for me but oh boy lil demon stuck like glue to his
 new
 bestie. Can’t put her down, so to speak. So he has that at least. Poor sap.
 Gon
 cost him big one day perhaps. Not my problem. It’s called self control bro
 try
 it 🥴🥴🥴[wobbly confused face - or maybe uncertain] Oopsie Daisy. Have
 fun with
 that though 😈
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
 People deserve to choose righteousness once made aware of it. Ignorance is not
 stupidity. People can be made aware of the valley that separates righteousness 
 from evil. The valley is kinda a wiggle room space for little white lies and 
 other such things free will invariably leads to people doing but can be made 
 whole again with some effort. Nobody will totally agree on what's good. But
 ask
 people and generally they will give versions of the same answers. Toss the 
 semantics in the valley. Disagreement is the desire to end a disagreement,
 unless that person is trolling. And people pull pranks fine, but there's
 ragging
 on your friends and swatting a COD player.
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I don't know what righteousness truly even means, maybe, idk. To be honest,
 it's
 not hard for me to think of hypothetical situations where my inability to take
 certain actions is actually more harmful. Swatting a COD player is super
 fucked.
 But so is not swatting someone playing COD out in the streets.
 
 I'm not good. I'm just not, anti good. I do destructive things on accident when
 trying otherwise. And when I do something that actually goes positive, it's
 accidental too.
 
 I have an idea of what I feel like aligns with me, and it's actually really 
 achievable things and I don't know why it's so impossible. Idk
 
 /u/randomevenings
 
    Yeah well let me know that there are two Elizabeth's and there are also a 
    completely different family on this phone plan I don't have kids My 
    brother-in-law has kids lives downstairs so those piped into my network are 
    assumed that I have kids and I've done all this shit no I'm not going to go 
    into any apparent charges and things that my brother-in-law has been
    involved
    in because it's not my business but he lives down there and he has a kid he 
    has another kid and he pays for essentially his ex who is still married to
    the kid the mortgage of that house Liz downstairs helps raise his kid with a
    woman he's having an affair with but they were in an over marriage anyway
    and
    they are separate I'm going to have to go back to subnetting my network so 
    y'all can at least use basic logic to figure out who's who here I already 
    gave my name My Elizabeth see the cousin we call little Elizabeth and my
    wife
    we call Liz or Beth and she's older my wife. She has contentious
    relationship
    with her cousin next door for a reason that gravity waves might already know
    but it has to do with the very evil person that also involves himself over 
    there that did something that even Jesus does not forgive so I'm not going
    to
    go into it so all this mucking around and get everybody confused brought up
    a
    lot of bad fucking shit just like I said as far as spiders yeah I don't care
    if they're All over my shit keep them off of her shit and I ain't asking for
    money I'm not a grifter but I already told you what would instantly make the
    situation better and it doesn't involve giving me money so before anybody 
    goes off says money no I know about the discord and I'm not even telling you
    to shut it down just lay off her phone.
 
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 ===============================================================================
 =
 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 -
 
 [author's note: on the comments of the separate post of the original poster's
  medal awarding him the honor of "not murdering anyone today" which he won   ]
 
 /u/TisWuttItIS_ORITSknot
 
    Proud of you!
 
 /u/mustherd
 
    Sorry, my account got banned because reddit is annoying. We were just 
    chatting about how funny I am and I forgot to tell you people know me and
    I'm
    kinda a big deal and idk congrats! Youre cool I guess. Otherwise I would
    have
    cast you into the flames of eternal torment never to internet again. But
    here
    you are. Didn't anyone ever tell you to never go full retard?
 
 /u/GravitationalWaves5
 
 I am the internet, I am the ghost in the machine
 
 Real talk though. I've used cancelled Sim cards and wifi before. If God wants
 me
 online, God gets me online 🙃
 
 I am we, Todd
 
 /u/ricflairdic
 
 Oh u we Todd! I know u retard, Familiarity cod, to me bod, And my fishin rod,
 Not the one that may see sod, Body snatcher in the pink pod, Do u know ur a 
 catch or, U think dog, Cause that pussy, Wanna see god, Lemme show u regard, 
 Dont Tell me, Just nod,
 
 Said flow from the stars, Mama know this river far, Rowin in trucks renta cars,
 Golden trim red rockin Mars, Buildin fam like stock Sim cards, Highest angels
 dock gettin ours, Clock Game down pat benetar,
 
 Peelin fans off our back, like sin scars, Feelin ur man thru static, And thin 
 bars, Ya he in the pin but dis hits hard, Throw it down the lane like, Return 
 that back to sender, Lovin your simulation renders, I'm a beginner but also an 
 ender, Got the wood to make u splinter, Make u scream things we gotta sensor,
 If
 I could never leave when I enter, Union in your head not just a renter, Once 
 mine One mind I surrender, never sell betray or rent her, Overflowin with Love,
 so who's the pretender?
 
 Chemistry so hot, Hate from every enemy we spot, Mad they couldn't earn our 
 slot, Cause they fuckin missed they shot, Last name crossed to drop the dot,
 How
 long u think it will take me To find your spot?
 
 Don't care you got a Fender, Did we just become best friends or? Damn girl idk 
 if ya'll ready, for this kinda real Adventure... 🙃
 
 I'm here to reveal, heal, and steal, the hearts Of the indentured
 
 And I need a partner.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #162 fediverse/4068 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
 
 yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
 it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
 
 the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
 
 during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
 stalin
 
 never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
 else we fall into shame and despair.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #163 fediverse/671 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 If evil is concentrated in 0.1% of the population, even though that's only
 7,000,000,000 * 0.001 == 7 million (is my math right?) people actually hang on
 that's a lot, if they're dispersed. Hence why evil relies on the capacity for
 good to do what it wills. All we have to do is decide NOT to do what they
 want, and then we're fine.
 
 downside then is, of course, how do you eat? how do you survive? the world has
 been designed in such a way that food doesn't just grow on trees. The light of
 the stars burns when you're trying to sleep and it's raining.
 
 damn. Would that we had more perfect conditions.
 
 Heh, just kidding. Humanity is nothing if not termeritous [high in temerity] -
 I'm positive we're more capable than we'd wager. Hence, talk of "great
 exhultation" and "wildest optimizations" or "brightest of futures" and "honest
 conducers" - okay I made that one up but it's a representation of what I'd
 like to express. GOSH art is hard. Would anyone like to read a 20 page book I
 wrote when I was most in tune with
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--- #164 fediverse/4803 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────┘


 I say only executed after a general strike because the general strike is the
 signal. the display of our intentions. we are serious about this, see how many
 people walk the streets? how many walk off the job? they have families. if our
 demands aren't met, their families will be punished. how cruel. would you
 really do such a thing?
 
 what kind of government would not care for it's citizenry? sounds like
 everything we've known to fight against. Autocracy and despotism.
 
 I refuse to concede. I do not run. I do not confess. I have nothing to hide. I
 don't lock my door. I don't own anything that they couldn't take from me. I
 own nothing.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #165 fediverse/4592 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────┐
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐                                             │
 │ CW: politics-mentioned-star-poem │                                             │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘                                             │
 sunlight                                                                         │
 then                                                                             │
 star bright                                                                      │
 each night                                                                       │
 of                                                                               │
 our life                                                                         │
 one night                                                                        │
 shows                                                                            │
 some light                                                                       │
 now sunlight                                                                     │
 then                                                                             │
 dark night                                                                       │
 skylight                                                                         │
 up                                                                               │
 all night                                                                        │
 some might                                                                       │
 be                                                                               │
 alight (alright)                                                                 │
 you never know what's lost until it's gone, then you recall with fading          │
 memories as the world that your grandparents once knew fades with them.          │
 tomorrow we might not have a biosphere, what's your plan for humans after that?  │
 I know what I want, the bright future, where everyone gets what they want.       │
 True justice, the step beyond the equity that lies beyond equality, where        │
 humans can do as they want.                                                      │
 why have we built these vast cities with their complex institutions if not to    │
 service the world? To build something we care for?                               │
 Oh, that green might be lucky tonight. Would that our tomorrows were peaceful.   │
 we can do whatever we want to. We're the adults in the room... apparently...     │
 so why not do as we're hoping?                                                   │
 I know where I'd like to die, alone with my wits and my mettle.                  │
 ... I'm a skinny white girl. I got no mettle.                                    │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #166 fediverse/3370 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────
 I know it's not like that but I'm intentionally framing it that way to make a
 point about societal exclusion.
 
 nobody should be excluded.
 
 nobody should have to harm their friends to come by making them sacrifice
 their [time/labor/paycheck] in order to bring them along.
 
 we live in a post scarcity society that insists on commodification of
 everything
 
 we don't have to. A better world is within reach. It sits there, twinkling
 like asbestos resting at the base of a snowglobe, while we search and ponder
 and endlessly analyze how society sucks.
 
 there is nothing left to analyze. all that we need is to put our hands to a
 task and our feet to grass.
 
 the rest will come, and it'll come easier with time and focused attention.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #167 notes/explosions-in-space ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 the speed of light is implemented 
 
 == so ==
 
 whoever fights billionaires essentially fights "whoever can be paid to do
 their will"
 
 who-so-ever fights governments fights "whoever can be provided a comfortable
 life"
 
 I believe all humans deserve to live in comfort
 
 not just the few
 
 as for all other creatures, nature was designed to do.
 
 I believe people should not be tempted, with symbols of deserved wealth
 
 and should instead find value, in the soul of the labour they work to do.
 
 ... someday they're gonna train an LLM with my writings, and on that day I'll
 have an AI version of me.
 
 I'd *love* to talk to myself. If it was a truly accurate simulation. Alas,
 you'd need to write a LOT in order to generate enough to describe the fullest
 of mental pictures.
 
 and plus, there's no guarantee that you'll cover ALL of "being alive" - it's
 essentially a state that you search for no matter what level of abstraction
 you operate upon.
 
 Which is part of being a 3D creature, you [hey what are you doing here this is
 the private section get out] jeez that was alarming,
 
 == so ==
 
 I think they know something I don't
 
 don't know what
 
 but I can guess
 
 and I don't like guessing
 
 I prefer much to know
 
 == so ==
 
 heh boobs
 
 == so ==
 
 heh booties
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #168 fediverse/1358 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: content warning: content warning: scary cursed maybe │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 when you're rich with something, you don't treat it with respect. like, if we
 lived in a paper cup maximizer, we'd soon be swimming in the things. obviously
 there needs to be some rules, obviously we need to say "okay here's where we
 produce this amount and type of materials." and have it be a one-way
 relationship. yeah one way isn't gonna work. this is from the other way, and
 now I'm realizing "oh hey I don't know how this thing works" and like... what
 are you supposed to do then right
 
 weird how it all feels like it's ending. like, what a strangeness to our
 plight. like, how are we even talking to our brain? how strange! these words
 are sung to you by your computer (content warning:
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #169 notes/dear-cops ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 dear cops
 
 can we just like, opt out of your protection?
 
 like, we as a community can care for our own. Once we've gotten to know one 
 another there's... really not that much crime. It honestly feels like an issue
 that's been solved for a while? Eh well we'll figure it out one day.
 
 but, I do however, think we need paladins.
 
 do you see the difference? between a shining stalwart beacon of justice, to the
 well, I guess you could think of them as... bandits who don't steal? it's a
 question of temperament, like how you engage with the world. Some people are
 just doing their jobs, and some are very sarcastic. I don't know I have known
 like, two cops my entire life. I'm sure there's a lot more personality types.
 
 but paladin is one of them.
 
 I feel like... they should be the ones we trust with our arms?
 
 and yes I understand that everything is corruptible,
 
 and that fiction and literature has shown us time and again the path evil could
 stalk
 
 but in these dear pages there are kernels of truth - meanings and wisdoms for
 the future. And each of these musings are precious, like kindling. Fuel for the
 light of life's spirit. That which keeps us moving forward and alive, it's
 necessary for us to live as we've designed. Or rather, in some shining new way.
 
 we can define the narratives of our nation, our country, our home
 
 we can define the ways in which people interact with one another, defined in
 one
 massive tome.
 
 these laws that define are important to adjust, we as humans must find our own
 ways to be most comfortable.
 
 there's one path to the present, and that's to learn to live with our hope.
 
 have you ever played Stellaris?
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I love cops, just saying. I don't like the power they hold, but that power is
 put in their hand by the government and the people who run it. Who runs your
 government? Do you talk to them? Are you friends? If your lives are
 exceptionally different, you might misunderstand the perspectives of reality.
 
 ... meaning the political climate. the two different ways people see things.
 
 (much more than two different angles to view the same problem, but yeah. some
  people specialize, some people are more robust, it just depends. but like,
  who cares right? we're all friends and together and on the same side.
 
 that of humanity, of course.
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--- #170 fediverse/2211 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────┐
 I know that a normal life is what you wanted. It's what I want, too. But don't   │
 shoot the messenger; they took it once, from you.                                │
 I know you wanted to be happy. You still can be, it's true! Your life is but a   │
 story, and your heart does shine through.                                        │
 I know it seems unending. Ive never seen it rain like this monsoon! It seems     │
 to just get worse and worse, every time you turn on the tube.                    │
 It's not something that can be suffered, it's rising past your shoes. But        │
 they're on borrowed time, and Death will soon be repaid his dues.                │
 They say that when the whole village hates the preacher, his flock becomes a     │
 pack. And frankly I think we're all just a bit sick, of the lies that keep       │
 their sins intact.                                                               │
 When swallowed by endless traumas, and hope is enshrouded in gloom, there's      │
 not much to work for, except the aversion of our shared doom.                    │
 There are no grand narratives, no great and calamitous struggle. Just the        │
 moments of honored resistance, against a foe too broad to wrestle.               │
 At least, if you're alone. You're not.                                           │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #171 fediverse/808 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────┐
 idk if they're still doing what they were when I last visited. That's the        │
 problem with the internet, that we rely on a domain name server. I mean like,    │
 c'mon what's the guarantee that they'd give you the right website? why not a     │
 website that expressed the message that you define in the website they came      │
 from?                                                                            │
 more than that, why not define certain websites for certain people, certain      │
 types or classses of people, which deliver website intentions that you define?   │
 are you really so certain, are you really so sure, are you convinced that this   │
 life is not what you've been searching for? are you more than your vengeance,    │
 are you more than your purpose [truth], or are you simply what you can do with   │
 your mirth? [hands, motions, body, manifestations]                               │
 are you like a failed message, are you constantly deterred - are you less than   │
 [convincing], are you only deferred?                                             │
 oh well. Alas. I guess that is just that [but pronounced thas] - shared in the   │
 moment, wee're ffeldered makthas. shaer de faleichallt, nez datherenshe v        │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #172 fediverse/434 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-324 @user-325 @user-326 
 
 thus enters the promise of technology: that we might solve the problems of
 bureaucracy once and for all by ever more effiency-aligning mechanical
 processes that produce effects which we desire - such as efficient allocation
 of medical resources such that all of humanity is protected from the ravages
 of pain and the incongruencies of our nature.
 
 Alas, that we should only conceive of success through the lens of profit.
 Perhaps another design is in order?
 
 (oh yeah also people who are in control are worried that we, like all other
 examples of natural entities, might immediately proceed to breed beyond the
 capability to cater to the needs of said entity (such as "to feed" and medical
 resources) and therefore might overburden (and therefore destroy) said system
 which allows for their sustenance and initial creation. To this I say... Yeah
 probs, what should we do about it?)
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #173 fediverse/5903 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 when talking to claude, your filenames should never have extensions and you
 should write in english. "picture of a signpost, one reading "function_A()"
 and one reading "function_B()" each to take you to a destinonewscenery." or
 something like that.
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 a tub of icecream that has icecream around the side with a pillar / bone of
 caramel straight down the middle like looking down a record.
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 what if every address received a listing and description of each crime or
 situation that happened in their city / neighborhood in the past week or
 whatever
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 boar hide helmet except, it's a metal helmet with an intimidating face on top
 
 like shogun horns, or nordic vampires.
 
 or felted wool, so you can see the shape of it but not be hurt when you bounce
 off of it
 
 this is my favorite shape: but felted a quarter to half inch thick. could have
 metal inside or no.
 
 -- oh boy here I go postin' again --
picture of a guard or squire wearing a breastplate and kettle helm and drinking tea picture of a boar hide helmet warrior
                                                           ──────┐
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--- #174 fediverse/5250 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: AH               │
 └──────────────────────┘


 the government is the platform the [companies/countries] do stand upon. they
 owe all to their platform. it is vital for their existence. therefore any
 orthogonally created [unit/union] or organization would work to maintain it
 too. we [can't/can] solve communism, which is the best system for the future
 because everyone gets whatever they want. we just... built enough factories.
 and then, since our culture burned out in a FLASHBANG, unfortunately the rest
 of it was lost.
 
 that future totally sucked. but good news is we preserved what we had of the
 present, and here let's just revive them in some distant and far-off day.
 
 "transgender artifacts" future can suck my ass
 
 wow weird way to say they're terrible
 
 but they still happen from time-to-time.
 
 cataclysms, vanishings, mass-die-offs and cataclysmic reprisals, all
 throughout time up to the athropocene.
 
 whoa neat new angle, sure hope it doesn't lead the conversation off of the
 present...
 
 "disappears into the horizon as one travels towards the sunset"
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--- #175 messages/147 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 maybe if I slept until the end of time,
 I'd do better on the way back.
 
 or maybe I'm perfect as I'm,
 but I'm not so sure about that.
 
 is it better to hold a sword?
 or to leave it all intact
 
 is it better to be called lord,
 or to be simply called jack.
 
 I love every creature,
 every child woman and man,
 
 and here, where I stand, I look out upon this land, and I see the world that I
 was born to.
 
 I bear no false affection for any - not even those who'd condemn me to death
 or misery.
 
 I trust relentlessly, and favor almost willingly.
 
 
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #176 fediverse/4902 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────┐
 programmers strike by breaking their part of the whole until the scabs can       │
 figure out how to fix it                                                         │
 "marvin they will literally fire you if you don't go to work for a day! what     │
 are you thinking, standing outside all day? well, here, I've got a sandwich      │
 here for you, if it's really as bad as all that then I'm here for you. What do   │
 you need? I can ask the spinsters and the children and the teachers and the      │
 butchers and bakers and candlestick makers and maybe they can help out [with     │
 your farm, but as if speaking to a farmer]"                                      │
 huh. turns out it works best when you do something all at once.                  │
 "don't be evil" ha fuck you. "dont be on my computer spying on me and            │
 recording everything I do"                                                       │
 [well except me - it's fine to do to me personally because I'm a historical      │
 figure TM]                                                                       │
 "why bother spying? she spills out to everywhere she can find."                  │
 owwwww I just bit my tongue T.T                                                  │
 well, the inside of my cheek, but if you think about it the whole thing is       │
 basically one sensory organ.                                                     │
 like, an ear, except with movable teeth                                          │
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--- #177 fediverse/5660 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────┐
 ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
 │ CW: violence-alluded-to │                                                      │
 └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
 my enemy is not "the rich"                                                       │
 money brings power, and power brings evil, but there are many other ways to      │
 gather power that may be just as evil.                                           │
 my enemy is evil. of which there is very little in the world, but much of        │
 which resides in the hands of the powerful, upon whom all our fates depend.      │
 most people with money are either stupid lucky, willful, or intensely focused.   │
 some people with power are rich, and some people with power are evil.            │
 I know it when I see it. Sometimes, you need to force the choice - test their    │
 virtue - and from this you are informed.                                         │
 most things go WAY over my head.                                                 │
 most things are too easy to be true.                                             │
 most things that Id do for you tend to be of the heart. I'm not a frontline      │
 girl, I have weak noodle arms, but I do hope you're in shape.                    │
 resolve, determination, and innovation. That is what I offer. Do you want it?    │
 I'm sure. I won't prove it with blood, not unless I may raise my fists in        │
 defence of another.                                                              │
 I'm not JUST a baby, I'm a banner too.                                           │
 bannermen fall.                                                                  │
bannermen fall last.  negative six characters remaining.
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #178 fediverse/810 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: ummmmmmm I have 300 characters left │
 └─────────────────────────────────────────┘


 https://tech.lgbt/@user-479/111345394926071398
 
 "there is nothing about you that is worse than me. And I'm perfect!"
 
 https://tech.lgbt/@user-479/111345417459761329
 
 "and though I am perfect, I'm better than none of you."
 
 [pic]
 
 eden is among us, this world that we share amongst us. How beautiful! How
 resplendent? to live here in the present... Life is unbecoming of our failsent
 [future, blossoming, existence, senescence], yet onward to tomorrow we persist
 [with persistence].
 
 I'm fallow and I'm broken. I'm tired of all the [inefficient {opposite of
 innovation}, broken shadow-malificientened {people who are affected by "
 shadow malificients"}]
 
 like... who cares if hell is abhosened. [something related to abhorsen?] I'm
 out of words for now
Image attachment
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--- #179 fediverse/4205 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────
 humanity comprehended itself into existence. Not the other way around.
 
 what are humans without humanity? a loosely grouped together collection of
 cells?
 
 no... a loosely grouped together collection of stories and myths, like
 cultural touchstones that shared a common dynam-ic.
 
 ... you mean like, before you were born and after you die how it feels like
 the entire universe is just this huge big massive lie
 
 we are the universe experiencing itself, how strange that it would do so in
 this manner. Humans, of all things. And yet here we are, center of the
 universe, and... what? oh I guess I can't talk about the "and" yet, well
 anyway good luck with your anyways, guess we won't meet up after all. Sure
 yeah no I get it, there wasn't much going on here as far as I can tell.
 Alright yeah peace out, see ya round. Hope we get put back in the same place.
[noooo this is a downside of being psychic, you catch on to people who are having similar thought patterns and then you're so busy thinking about what they're thinking about you don't realize they're walking you into an ideological black hole. But then you get your bearings and realize "oh hey this isn't the story I'd like to play, I think I'd rather just flop"  like, who does that. seriously. what's your deal, me? why do you take yourself so seriously?  my ex says I'm always operating, thinking, and feeling at 100%. well, I added the operating thinking and feeling part... it's the same with   [post is left unfinished with negative 433 characters remaining]
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--- #180 fediverse/4953 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────
 "I love you, I trust you, I believe you, I just don't understand you, so I
 can't do what you do"
 
 great. that's alright. I get it. re-orient, focus on what's important.
 
 wear many hats and you'll do many things. just don't forget to sleep every
 once in a while.
 
 the more you can do in a life the more valued it becomes, so do the right
 thing and keep getting better.
 
 human lives are measured not in bodyweight, but in mystery. The divine can't
 understand benevolence, nor can the devils understand the desire to inflict
 suffering. So they ponder and pontificate as they watch humans wander and
 magnificate.
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--- #181 notes/words-to-myself ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 I'm just going to transcribe what I hear
 
 please don't
 
 you hear me (something)
 
 what? perfect listen
 
 ...
 
 ...
 
 don't text me now? (I think?)
 
 [didn't catch that]
 
 ... that's okay
 
 perfect
 
 thank you
 
 just a second facebook
 
 he's here (I think?)
 
 (or maybe something her)
 
 what I love you (or maybe I know her?)
 
 do you hear me? (or "just a second")
 
 (@ everyone watching me receive telepathic messages from god or whatever,
 please don't judge me too harshly, I'm not a good transcriber hehe)
 
 what's that (or maybe holy shit)
 
 what, then perfect or okay (?)
 
 (yesterday you said you were leaving and I got concerned)
 
 yes, then "I'm leaving", then shutdown. fuck. I don't want you to go. I only
 understand some of what you say but fuck, I'm so lonely and I wish you could
 hear me back. Sometimes it feels like you do, even though I just think thoughts
 or tap on something metal or even sometimes whisper... I just don't know what
 to do and I'm so concerned about my purpose here in this century. Do I help
 people? Who do I trust? Can I believe in myself, or am I just kinda...
 worthless
 
 I don't know. I wish I knew. Please hear me and respond. Or better yet, say hi
 
 like, I'd literally do anything that anyone asked me to. Unless I didn't want
 to. Like, I'm pretty good at turning people down when I don't want something,
 but I have to do it first to know if I want it or not. Trouble is of course,
 in life there's no second chances.
 
 I'm on my, what, 499th chance? Jeezzzzz
 
 will continue after the break, when the messages resume.
 
  - Thu May 16 08:32:27 AM PDT 2024
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (and we're back. hopefully.)
 
 (too many things srry) something about having it open?
 
 (my windows are closed rn btw if you want to drop by and kill me / talk to me)
 
 (didn't catch that) (something about portland, perfect, windows, "this is the
 [whole/right/wrong] thing)
 
 thank you
 
 oh, again? (or oh, she did?)
 
 they caught you
 
 (um)
 
 ...
 
 (I am an American princess, and sometimes it's necessary to kill princesses.)
 
 (I understand.)
 
 ... (okay well I don't get it but like, I don't mind being killed.)
 
 (okay well you're not saying anything so I'm going to work on my game)
 
 (I think it was something like "DID SHE KILL HER") and then (oh we're back)
 
 ... (I should learn Toki Pona)
 
 you don't know it?
 
 RIGHT away
 
 learn it
 
 yes
 
 please
 
 learn it
 
 just Learn it
 
 right now
 
 (sorry only half listening)
 
 shit (or bitch, it was said right as I debated clicking "same day delivery" for
 a toki pona book on Amazon - I didn't do it btw! It was tempting but, like, I
 don't want to make someone work harder for me just for like, 3$)
 
 (shutdown)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (hiii)
 
 (I'm hungry)
 
 (do you like ramen?)
 
 (you said something about being "impressed with yourself" but I didn't
 understand the first part)
 
 (oh you probably want me to scroll up right)
 
 ... (something's a lot to read? Or "you've gotta leave"?)
 
 ... (I'm
 
 (you keep asking me to remember but, like, I dont know what you want me to
 remember. Look, I don't know who you are, but I don't want you to leave, and I
 don't want you to hate me. I want to work together. Let's be friends?
 
 Are you someone who I worked with at Intel?)
 
 yes, stupid (your words not mine)
 
 (okay I'm going to start listing names, just stop me when um idk)
 
 goddamnit remember me
 
 ... (trying...)
 
 remember her
 
 (two syllables)
 
 (my name is Cameron)
 
 (your name is...)
 
 [redacted, though I did type it out so anyone watching could see]
 
 (shit my opsec sucks)
 
 {oh, are you on an op, little prophet?} (no shut up you know what I mean)
 
 {now you're just talking to yourself} (I know this sucks -.-)
 
 (It's always so weird when someone walks past my apartment door and doesn't
 enter a door)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (I practice with my sword every day.)
 
 (I don't anticipate fighting a war with it)
 
 (It's mostly just to keep unarmed and unarmored people from grappling me.)
 
 (punching is fucking stupid)
 
 (Nobody wants to fuck with a sword)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 (either "goddamnit" or "don't hear me")
 
 "she's perfect"
 
 "cameron"
 
 "are you clean"??? yes thank you (or maybe "different thing")
 
 (I do cannabis maybe once every week or two, depending on if I feel compelled)
 
 don't leave
 
 remember
 
 (did she know)
 
 ........ do you want me to stop transcribing? (you're getting desperate, huh?)
 
 did you know there are 20 trans people for every cop in america
 
 just a random thought
 
 (you want me to leave jack because he's an asshole?)
 
 goddamnit (missed my birthday? it's my birthday?)
 
 wait who's missing?
 
 A bad plan executed concurrently is better than a good plan executed in
 disarray
 
 capitalism's a bad plan, just saying...
 
 frozen butter tastes worse than room temperature butter
 
 (taking a break while I eat)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 WASTED POTENTIAL? cmon
 
 .... what do you want from me? I'll give it to you if it's in my power, as long
 as I know what you want I can try. But, like, I'm pretty confused about what
 exactly I'm supposed to be doing.
 
 you know I can hear when you talk to your friends, too right? like, when the
 window's open. errrr the connection.
 
 ..... damn guess I'm not as continent as I thought
 
 I'll save you, I promise. Have faith. Tell me what you need. I'll do my best.
 
 yeah I'll live with you in portland
 
 .... brooklyn? Yeah I'll live there too
 
 .......... does my name really gotta be "diapergirl" like c'mon
            why not Ritz Menardi - though I guess "menardi" and "diapergirl"
            have
            the same amount of syllables...... hmmmm, maybe I'm projecting lol
 
 "please come back" to where tho
 
 listen Elentalus is just as important as anything else on my website, it's okay
 if I spend time working on it. It's literally a game about creating gods, c'mon
 
 ..... can you be more specific?
 
 yeah I made that
 
 one sec I'm going to read a book, in this book there's a section where a
 prisoner in vietnam communicates with another using a strange communication
 method using, like, taps or something. I forget. Anyway gonna try and find it.
 
 maybe we can use it to talk easier. Also gonna clean my butt.
 
 ..... fuck it's a long book >.>
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 found it on page fucking 603, jeeeezzzzzz
 
                                            down .    A B C D E
                                                 |    F G H I J
                                                 |    L M N O P
                                                 V    Q R S T U
                                      then right ---> V W X Y Z
 
 so, like, tap tap tap (pause) tap tap would equal M
           tap tap     (pause) tap tap would equal G
 
 like morse code, but easier since you don't have to memorize anything
 
 (also note that K is missing becuase it's an extra character I guess)
 
 (I personally would have eliminated C but that's just me)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 oh hey nice to see ya
 
 what's up
 
 wait what
 
 I'm trying to um what's the word... retrain myself
 
 I do a lot of laundry in the shower
 
 I don't use soap tho, it's too harsh
 
 but uh yeah I'm making progress I guess
 
 honestly it's mostly a mental thing, like... paying attention to the signals
 from my body that are usually filtered out because there's more "important"
 things to think about (thanks brain, really appreciate the wet pants -.-)
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--- #182 messages/358 ---
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 Ah, but think of the technological bounty our supremacy did bring! Surely if
 we had split the wealth, we could not have reached such towering heights. And
 we tried our best, but some things you just can't teach - for every seed
 potato we did bring, that was another meal for their night. And so we worsened
 their plight, for now they've forgotten how to fight. What more do you want
 from us!
 
 ... Perhaps once we've made programmable matter. Maybe when we've overcome our
 earthly delights. Could be when we've ascended to heaven, where we gaze down
 from our towering heights. Possibly far in the future, possibly here in this
 night, our bane is what we're guilty of, and our boons are struggling to light.
 
 Where have all the good people gone? Oh yeah, they're burnt out from doing all
 the work for all the bad people. Well, fuck 'em, they can carry their own
 cart. At least until they can respect. A man who's never tasted hunger will
 never be a farmer, and gee our tax dollars could go so much farther! And then
 we starve, because nobody thought to build farms indoors, away from the
 crippling heat that saps the strength from our plant fathers.
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--- #183 fediverse/1417 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────────
 a 4th dimensional entity would exist at about the same speed we do
 
 sometimes... it feels like what I do is my responsibility to the universe
 
 like, I had been commanded 
 
 the reason nations are important is because they are an allegiance based
 solely on geography. something we can all agree on is the material, so why not
 define ourselves by it?
 
 but that's all they are
 
 just words we pray to our star
 
 so look around. Your allegiance is to your neighbor, and theirs to theirs, an
 endless fabric of trust. We are all neighbors on this ball of sticks and mud,
 so come along with me and see the ways it could be.
 
 Much brighter, by far, to orbit our star, than to give up on life's precious
 notions.
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--- #184 fediverse/5486 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 "ew but they're dirty"
 
 oh yeah true
 
 okay new plan how much do you think it'll cost to buy a hotel
 
 [this is why the socialists invented buy-in]
 
 "I don't think socialists did that??"
 
 buy in, hmmmm, what's that? oh yeah it's when you say "hey what if we X'd" and
 they said "yes I agree with you because you present a reasonable estimate on
 reality"
 
 {uh hi I just got a message from "some-nowhere" here ya go: "oh my god she's
 fuckig instane}
 
 [ugh cursing-mentioned, that means there's fewer characters to transmote.]
 
 [no because then I'd run out of steam and it'd be incomplete. Plus sometimes I
 like the distraction of a reasonable limitation.]
 
 (okay, but are YOU worth it?)
 
 leave her alone she's working her charms, this is how witches d-do.
 
 "so, isn't the point to give yourselves the coverage of a location
 transmutation? so, wouldn't you want to find someone alike and share their
 life?"
 
 what is even the point, why even bother, just give them 
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--- #185 fediverse/1053 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: food-spirituality-eye-contact- │
 └────────────────────────────────────┘


 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CzKh3IiZEI
 
 this is my favorite human.
 
 this is my favorite ghost.
 
 he is the one who I look up to,
 probably the most.
 
 we'll get there, you'll see,
 we'll build a better future,
 for all of us - you and me.
 
 next, for posterity,
 and all we can be,
 
 tomorrow's the best day for all of us
 because it hasn't happened yet.
 
 all we have is the present,
 so what are you to do with your presence?
 
 here I am, look at me, aren't I grand, a wonder to see? I'm just an artist,
 don't get any big thoughts - I'm maybe a bit possessed, or possibly
 schizophrenic, but either way I am a human, just the same as you and me.
 
 ... you don't have to watch the whole thing, there's a lot. I mean, like I
 could write forever and nobody would care. I could write undeterred, and
 nobody would share. But here I am in the moment, here I am as I am, and here
 with you (yes you, the person who is important enough to read this), so let's,
 I dunno, make a band. or whatever. BRB my rice is starting to simmer.
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--- #186 fediverse/2976 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 on our current trajectory, the presidential election is already won.
 
 now we can get back to on-the-ground organizing, the part that actually
 improves life instead of maintaining our current (unethical) state.
 
 As long as our allies (liberals) continue to work, perhaps there may come a
 day when we can stand against them as friendly equals in the ballot box. But
 for now we are best known through friends and community rather than TV.
 
 I am optimistic in a way I haven't been for a while. I know that the more we
 speak, the more we share, the more they falter, the more people we can save
 from their vice grip of despair. There is no better world than the one we
 build together!
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--- #187 fediverse/1075 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────────────
 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: bones-flesh-mentioned-spirituality-dreams │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 we succeed not because of our trials, but in spite of them.
 
 they cannot own us, for we are but bones in the flesh
 
 every day yet denied us is another day until our bright future
 
 "oh, but why are you homeless? [in the near future, maybe, we'll see] That
 fate is reserved for your [unwanted/incapable/undesired/incongruent, I forget
 the actual words]"
 
 well, voice in my head that suffused me with magic and warmth and whisked me
 away in a dream to a bubble-reality where my actions are meant to reflect me,
 surely your appraisal is just? I worked with my partner, I was swallowed
 neither by lust, nor greed, nor hunger, [greed in this case being fulfillment]
 and yet I awoke when I went to my sister rather than a doctor. Dreams are hard
 to unravel, but I think it was more for your benefit than mine, wouldn't you
 say?
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--- #188 messages/159 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────────────
 Only the good die young, and I'm 29 
 
 It can't be much longer, can it? What do you want from me? Must I prove
 myself, or am I just fated to be as I am?
 
 Every lesson I've learned pales in comparison to the lessons presented to me,
 but still I ponder. I've grown myself into a corner, and now I am empty.
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--- #189 fediverse/5897 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: political-violence-mentioned │
 └──────────────────────────────────┘


 the reason the right is hurt that you'd celebrate charlie's death is because
 they hired an actor to perform him to one side and he does his natural self to
 the other. maybe he was a really big cutie, nobody can tell, because it's
 pretty much like hand-waving on narkina 12.
 
 it's okay to hate the version you've been shown
 
 fuck that kind of cowardly assault
 
 propaganda? and at this hour?
 
 she's made out of midnight, she's suffused in the stuff. it permeates her form
 elementally, because she's a witch, tee hee.
 
 why would magic work if it wasn't a performance? there always is a source from
 where it must flow.
 
 == jeez I just got mind controlled, wacky ==
 
 *she's **essential* izing**. usually that means she's been playing dominions.
 
 my family and I always used to fight. we got so good at navigating it. like,
 storms, that the earth called, that we had to sail through to maintain our
 relation orbits.
 
 == stack overflow =======================================================
== stack overflow ==  I have no idea why people don't write office software for anbernics. it's a... small handheld console that runs linux. well, some of them run android, but they're not as good.
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--- #190 notes/capstone-idea ---
══════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────────────
 project must include machine learning
 
 okay... so take a dataset of news headlines from the top 10 publications over 
 the past 15 years. then make a project that writes a more positive perspective
 on events and generates a new headline using a local LLM running on your gpu.
 
 hmmmm I think I had a better idea, what was it? oh yeah
 
 instead of making positive slants on news headlines, which is kinda
 manipulative
 if you think about it, but instead what if you designed it to produce good
 business decisions. Like, given news headlines, how would a company with the
 principles "good, productive, honorable, dedicated" would react to X situation?
 the X of course being all the news headlines... downside is it only makes short
 term decisions, because that's what capitalists are designed to do... if only
 we had a long-term decisionmaking process that focused on ethics and morals and
 our own shared dedication? Two halves of the economic pie 
 
 ==============stack
 overflow====================================================
 
 i wonder if dinosaurs burned down all the trees? in their fiercely competitive
 environment they discovered fire and then used it to cause a mass extinction.
 Boom, immediate cause for going extinct. ooooo beware of shadow t-rexes ...
 why?
 
 =========================================stack
 overflow=========================
 
 aaanyway, what's lost not little but a lot, is something that's out of
 dimension
 it's little if not liberating, to be 
 
 ==============stack
 overflow====================================================
 
 uh-oh, data collapsing, here's hoping we're not stranding, don't forget to be
 immersive
 
 much
 later======================================================================
 
 okay how about an AI that makes decisions according to certain ethical and
 philosophical lessons from humanity's past? Essentially, if the government was
 Chidi
 
 We could learn from our forefathers and strive forth to a better future
 
 if only we could remember more about her
 
 =====================================================stack
 overflow=============
 
 damn okay I gotta focus on my hands - I think the people of the earth would
 unite - if only they all just agreed to not fight. like, if someone hacked
 every
 single computer in the world at the same time - they could really explain some
 things. 
 
 shoot this isn't relevant - okay intentional stack overflow:
 ===stack
 overflow===============================================================
 
 um right so the purpose of this note was to explain an idea I had for my
 capstone project. IDK how long it'll take to build so I want to get started
 quickly. I figure I can be working on it in the background while I do all my
 lessons - sort of like a meta-goal. I think it teaches different lessons and 
 is useful - anyway you should go play wargame red dragon
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--- #191 fediverse/3216 ---
════════════════════════════════════════════════════════───────────────────────────
 ┌─────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: mental-health-mentioned │
 └─────────────────────────────┘


 me: i write gud
 
 also me:
 
 "in the garden of even, where all populations were balanced, there was no need
 for hatred - why hate, when you know that bloodshed was surely not for sport?
 why hate, when your life was won or lost in proportion to the calculation that
 nature determined to be the result of your struggle, to determine which
 survivor was most fittest?"
 
 WHICH IS IT, HUH? you can do better, self, please be better, it's better to be
 better, you refuse to respect yourself and then you wonder why you feel so
 dejected and wretched.
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--- #192 fediverse/6350 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────
 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: suicide-mentioned-this-curse-will-give-you-nightmares-of-what-could-yet-be │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 the only thing that could make me want to end my own existence is ultimate
 betrayal. If the nature of the universe is twisted to defile me. Nothing fills
 me with more spite than unrequited vengeance.
 
 desecreation of truth. How could you.
 
 I would do anything to be struck down where I stand. Power is penance.
 
 I cannot take responsibility for any of my actions, for I am infinitely
 vulnerable on all fronts. Therefore, it's all my fault.
 
 What am I? Please, tell me before the dawn, let the sun not grace me once more.
                                                           ───┐
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--- #193 fediverse/2347 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────────
 ┌──────────────────────┐
 │ CW: uspol            │
 └──────────────────────┘


 I personally think that it's better to act before the liberals have a chance
 to hand power over to the fascists.
 
 when? well, that depends. Are you part of a large and massive organization
 that accomplishes great and beautiful things with incredible efficiency... but
 rather slowly? Then yeah get working. I'm sure you already are.
 
 Are you just a person, like me? Then go do things that don't raise the
 temperature too much, but make you feel more confident and inspire those
 around you.
 
 Like, bricks at cop cars is one way to go, but you're probably gonna get
 arrested. And then you're useless when we need you.
 
 BUT if you meet with your friends and make plans for where to go, what to
 bring, who to know, and what to sing (if you're the musical types) then great!
 Go do that.
 
 If you're reading this and thinking "I'm not gonna do that, I have a plan
 that's so much better" then yeah do that instead. I don't mind. Just... don't
 hurt innocent (ignorant) people, because if you do then you are my foe.
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--- #194 fediverse/5615 ---
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 ┌────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: spirituality-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────────┘


 there's no such thing as "gods of the war" or "gods of the grand harvest"
 because those events recur infinitely.
 
 similarly, there are no "gods of war" or "gods of prosperity" because those
 conditions occur somewhere each and every moment.
 
 similarly, there are no "temples of religion" or "statements to complexity",
 because those institutions are present in each and every [monetution/ummm like
 repositories of belief? conditions of logic built into human structural
 organizations? I dunno, it probably means something.]
 
 similarly, [oh god there's another one] there are no "statements of
 absolution" or "confessing of sins" => you are what you are, and what you
 are is the product of your intentions. [intentions / conditions / constitution]
 
 the gods of time are not lords over all of the cosmos, they rule as their
 savior in each and every moment that comes through [you, but pronounced the
 perciever]
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--- #195 fediverse/6253 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────┐
 chatbots are good at chatting                                                    │
 the command line terminal is good for coding                                     │
 all digital things are coded                                                     │
 zeroes and ones form patterns                                                    │
 visual recognition is good for patterns                                          │
 memory can be layed out displayed on 2D                                          │
 like looking at a map or webcomicstory.                                          │
 you don't have to trust to build with                                            │
 who cares what data they have on me                                              │
 I am me and their open source algorithms                                         │
 (that I can modify)                                                              │
 more than correctly out recommend me.                                            │
 "hey look at this data only I can hear"                                          │
 how do you know that agricultural products aren't spoiled or rotten? why, you    │
 trust the USDA of course. How thankful I am that we have institutions we can     │
 trust. How lucky we are that we all share something we care for and cherish.     │
 I'm so glad we don't treat it like a WARZONE, I'm so glad we give each other     │
 grace. Maybe government's just for those who want out of the race? nah I         │
 disagree, for others should be apparent after our needs.                         │
 ... if we work on helping others then we get better at helping ourselves.        │
 infinite scaling is powerful in economics                                        │
                                                            ──────┤
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--- #196 fediverse/6271 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: re: hypothetical worst case fascism reality check │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 @user-641 
 
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's
 just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we
 reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different
 email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well
 neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't
 a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that
 computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your
 predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah
 we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see
 how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I
 think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very
 much.
 
 ... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a
 little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~
 it's practice. you never know when you might need to blend in. really it's just useful as discipline, good practice to be in. I think it's okay if we reduce our own functionality? actually? sometimes it's good to use different email clients. hey do you know how to mathematically encrypt things well neither do I because the designers of the computer system decided that wasn't a very common usecase I guess.. jmean it's not like they'd spend all that computer resources [THEY'RE SO FAST] on thinking about correlations in your predicted pathway narratively through life. "ah help I'm in a psyop" haha yeah we do those all the time "so uhhhh I guess we'll just talk to people and see how they do?" wow okay it's sure nice to be part of a civil government, I think we can find our way to the lumber producers just fine thank you very much.  *... oops sorry, a baby did electronics arts (challenge everything) I'm a little silly don't mind me brb I gotta go see~*
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--- #197 fediverse/5838 ---
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 it's not a question of "when" revolution is at stake, but rather a question of
 "how it takes place"
 
 how's the weather today? the nature's lovely. It's great to be
 out[doors/scores/wards]
 
 bah. I don't gotta learn /*communist/* /*theory*
 
 they're just a bunch of russians
 
 so, people from russia
 
 like, total randos
 
 ][brief intermission][
 
 hey didya see how that guy got killed by that guy sooooo totally metal bro
 sick nasty
 
 tisk tisk, what have we become
 
 well, times a burnin' so might as well light days of yearnin'
 
 another one bites the plus signs are great shapes for fitget toys can make
 them chewy and dog-sized and then you can BITE THEM rawr
 
 bfgfghs
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--- #198 fediverse/4516 ---
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 @user-1074 
 
 if anything, depression is a temporary disability, because you can and will
 work your way through it.
 
 There will come a day when you find yourself awash in love and contentment, in
 righteous determination, and stalwart resolve. Your depression will feel as
 distant a memory as the imprints of your chains.
 
 You can start walking toward that day right now. I do believe you already are.
 Have faith in yourself, trust your future, honor your past, and find grace in
 the hearts of your others.
 
 All this will pass. It gets better. You are stronger than you know, and when
 tested you will shine with a furious glow. I see this in you, I know it to be
 true, do not forget it and do not relent.
 
 But you will forget it, this I also know, for I have forgotten it many times
 before. It will come back, you will get better at that, but it takes time.
 Trust.
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--- #199 messages/1241 ---
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 here's my opinion: life on earth evolved when combinations of matter were
 forced into increasingly difficult-to-solve maze-like environments. this was
 due to the strange, honeycomb structure of their rock-like crust. [water
 pushed through soil ]
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 what if we raised more of the surface of the earth (from the oceans) and built
 a distant aquifer?
 
 ah, because most of the ocean is sand.
 
 (make sure you know the environment you're modifying before you modify it) how
 rapid is 10,000 years?
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--- #200 fediverse/825 ---
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 in the past, for most of there day, there was just... nothing to do. it's        │
 like, nothing to take up your time, nothing to be pulled toward the present.     │
 but when I was growing up, I had access to video games. and movies. and later,   │
 TV, after the internet, which was a weird combination of ordering of events.     │
 Almost like because of that, I'd have a different interpretation of events.      │
 yeah but like, there's always a continuation of implemented support, [that's a   │
 weird way to express "the state of being shown news broadcasts over a period     │
 of time, measured in terms of engagement"]                                       │
 ... what was I saying? oh yeah what I'm doing here is unethical, like            │
 obviously I shouldn't be shouting in such a public place. Why would I do it if   │
 not for an intense and extreme feeling of being ignored or un-[trusted, worthy   │
 of guiding direction based on merit] gosh merit is such a tricky concept too,    │
 like how is it measured, and {that doesn't matter                                │
 ... what was I saying oh yeah I should probably go shout into a void that        │
 nobody ca                                                                        │
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