=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 boxer briefs with the texture of girl underwear, but with the sizing
 proportions of men's boxer briefs (not boyshorts, some other secret third
 thing)
 
 trans girls have soft skin. But they once were boys, and boys often wear
 boxers. which means that often, trans girls might connect to and appreciate
 the feeling of wearing a certain type of underwear that is a secret to
 everybody but me.
 
 boxer briefs with the texture of girl undies (which are typically designed for
 people with softer skin (like girls)) but with the shape of boy undies
 (elastic placed at 1/5th-ish of the thigh and torso) would be soooooooo
 comfortable to wear (typing things for emphasis liiiiiike thiiiiiiis breaks
 translation capabilities -> perhaps we could create an LLM that translates
 through several different dialects and expresses meaning in a particular new
 form? These types of AI are all about movement, after all, the continual
 re-evaluation of the most optimal path through a chart of data. from the
 perspective of the
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/1399 ---
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║ ┌───────────────────────────────────┐                                            │
║ │ CW: cursing-mentioned-eye-contact │                                            │
║ └───────────────────────────────────┘                                            │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ If you're worried about passing, take what you're good at and make it gay.       │
║                                                                                  │
║ Do you wear band t-shirts and black jeans? Great you're an emo girl now,         │
║ totally reasonable transitionary state before you end up as a cute anime girl    │
║ with spinny uwu dresses or whatever your heart desires                           │
║                                                                                  │
║ do you generally stick to jeans and sweatshirts? Okay congrats you're just as    │
║ cute, don't feel inadequate just because you like being comfy. Hell yeah         │
║ you're cute as fuck, you know you are, I mean just look at that smile! Wow damn  │
║                                                                                  │
║ like, switch the gender, not the vibe. not only will other people be cool with   │
║ it but also, like, you won't alter the course of your trajectory.                │
║                                                                                  │
║ unless that's what you want, but TBH if you're both enigmatic AND phlegmatic     │
║ [EDIT: but like the opposite of phlegmatic, I always get the definition wrong]   │
║ then you can change a lot and people won't rely on you to be a certain way.      │
║                                                                                  │
║ ... you know you can delete things before you post them, right? Ha I've never    │
║ even heard of the word.                                                          │
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--- #2 fediverse/1944 ---
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║ ┌─────────────────────────┐                                                      │
║ │ CW: sexuality-mentioned │                                                      │
║ └─────────────────────────┘                                                      │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ it's not wrong to be turned on by the thought of being the gender youre          │
║ transitioning to. Your subconscious mind is yearning for a healthy sexuality,    │
║ nothing more.                                                                    │
║                                                                                  │
║ and if you aren't, if you're into "other people" like a weirdo, then yeah sure   │
║ what I described probably sounds pretty weird. Oh and it's cool if you aren't    │
║ sexually attracted to anyone either. Sometimes being ace is a phase because      │
║ sex doesn't really fit into your life, and other times it's more something       │
║ that defines you. It is the progenitor of all genders and sexualities that       │
║ fluctuate, because it's based on the simplest binary of "yes sexual              │
║ attraction" or "no sexual attraction" - with some extra variables to tweak       │
║ like "sex positive/negative" or "cuddle-starved/cuddle-slut" type of ranges.     │
║                                                                                  │
║ ... anyway sexuality is weird and if yours made sense then so would that guy,    │
║ and that person over there, and the person who lives down the street, and the    │
║ other who lives in a blimp and jacks off into the sky calling it "bird poop"     │
║                                                                                  │
║ uh                                                                               │
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--- #3 messages/1271 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
 unhinged trans rant about interesting data...
 
 
 '|'_=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=_'|'
 
 
 
 
 on T, i masturbated about once per day to make the girl thoughts go away.
 
 
 on e, i masturbated about 9 times per 10 days to make the bottom thoughts go
 away.
 
 
 post op, I masturbate about once per month to make the horny thoughts stay and
 play.
 
 
 Wow, it's almost as if removing a source of dysphoria removes your need to use
 coping mechanisms for it.
 
 
 
 
 ,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,||,|,|,|,|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'
 
 
 If you want to trick someone into believing they're a ghost, try getting them
 to believe they're speaking to empty rooms by having speakers play or other
 people speaking through walls. It might convince them they're phased out of
 time, and there's very few ways to be so. One of which is being a ghost, which
 is temporally potentially adjacent (rather than present)
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--- #4 notes/trans-rant ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════──
 unhinged trans rant about interesting data...
 
 '|'_=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=_'|'
 
 on T, i masturbated about once per day to make the girl thoughts go away.
 
 on e, i masturbated about 9 times per 10 days to make the bottom thoughts go
 away.
 
 post op, I masturbate about once per month to make the horny thoughts stay and
 play.
 
 Wow, it's almost as if removing a source of dysphoria removes your need to use
 coping mechanisms for it.
 
 ,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,|,||,|,|,|,|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|?|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'|'
 
 If you want to trick someone into believing they're a ghost, try getting them
 to believe they're speaking to empty rooms by having speakers play or other
 people speaking through walls. It might convince them they're phased out of
 time, and there's very few ways to be so. One of which is being a ghost, which
 is temporally potentially adjacent (rather than present)
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--- #5 notes/conservative-ideation ---
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 a life without property can be visualized as a person who lives in a hotel
 room,
 has free parking overnight (but not during the day) and commutes two hours to a
 job where they work 4 hours per day. During those two hours at the start and
 end
 of each day,they have little requirements other than focus and discipline to
 face whatever tomorrow yet may. many will listen to podcasts, or sing to in the
 car. some have a cat, that is cared for at their destination during the day.
 I think it'd be cool to have self driving cars in a situation like that - it
    essentially becomes 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 a trick, I learned, for cooking. two things. the second is that seasoning
 should
 be thought of as a coating. like, dust on the outside of a donut. as the food
 is
 cooked, the seasoning penetrates deeper and deeper to the core of the substance
 - meaning certain flavors become prominent and others are de-emphasized over
 time. And the well-established cook (most successful) will be able to ensure
 their narrative doesn't go foul. They have the most experience, and so they are
 the least likely to burn their own goods. Surely they should be trusted to
 establish their company in the philosophy of their own choosing? Business
 people
 ruin everything, I swear. And it's not even their fault, so you can't even get
 mad at them. How frustrating! That their method should prove superior? Perhaps
 more perspectives are necessary, to provide you some kind of a clue. So what if
 we're overflowing, 
 
 ========= stack overflow
 =======================================================
 
 for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. therefore it doesn't
 matter what you do, because each of your options are recorded. 50% of you is 
 aligned to some variable, and the other 50% are aligned to that variable
 squared. humans think it's tymes negative one, but the truth is that's
 impossible. negative numbers just don't exist. but you know what does?
 
 times tables
 
 addition and accretion is the only language spoken by the universe -
 subtraction
 is just another in kind. So with those two operations, both movements in a
 particular direction, (and sometimes not even then, if nothing's been blown
 apart. (also hawking radiation and lightwaves and other such emanations))
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 crystals glow with the light of a thousand nights
 
 what grows with the light of the thousand lights?
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 answer: s    t             n   a       lp
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 see, this is interesting because it mirrors the sea-shore. the radiations from
 the sun (a planetary body) are only felt by the moon every 50% of the time.
 Each
 half has it's own animation, and it's 
 
 ===== stack overflow === okay basically it's like cartoons that are
 manifestatio
 of the spirit of the night. each "slice" of projection as the sun rotates
 around
 it's sphereical form, so does each radiance begin to be (seen, formed,
 understoo
 
 ========================================== uhhh just put in a page break
 =======
 
 the quest for posterity is quite possibly one of the most human of traits
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 < watch flashback > --- is crazy (movie made in 2020)
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
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--- #6 fediverse/5056 ---
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║ ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
║ │ CW: politi           │                                                         │
║ └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
║                                                                                  │
║                                                                                  │
║ republicans break things until you fight back, democrats keep people working     │
║ to keep the line steady on the graph.                                            │
║                                                                                  │
║ one is an agitating force, the other is calming.                                 │
║                                                                                  │
║ I don't like the direction the line is going, so I'm pretty much "anti-line"     │
║ in general                                                                       │
║                                                                                  │
║ kinda want it all to disappear                                                   │
║                                                                                  │
║ like... what's the point, what's the purpose, of suffering and heartship and     │
║ worrel?                                                                          │
║                                                                                  │
║ I think we could have no borders, and think less of the line in general.         │
║                                                                                  │
║ I'm more concerned with my time. I have too much to do to spend 8 hours of it    │
║ so many times making the human computer calculgoable                             │
║                                                                                  │
║ [unrelated, but humans are unsure about gender transition hormones because in    │
║ addition to all the trans people who take these body and mind altering tools,    │
║ also there are people who want to excape suspicion and also people who are       │
║ genuinely incapable of their decisions (for one reason or another) and who am    │
║ I to tell them no]                                                               │
║                                                                                  │
║ unrelated, but I think society, the human computer, is cool. [see picture for    │
║ the rest - ran outta characters]                                                 │

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--- #7 fediverse/5915 ---
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 washing dishes without a dishwasher is a pain in the neck.
 
 nobody cuts down trees with an axe anymore, a chainsaw is better for your back.
 
 It's nice, fun, and helpful to be able to abstract away your spheres of concern
 
 like typing with a single button instead of writing characters with multiple
 brushstrokes. Easy to erase, too!
 
 bikes are better than walking, but, with some extra concerns. where are ya
 gonna put it when you get there?
 
 "oh no I forgot how to walk because texting my girlfriend is bicycling or
 something" what? oh dear, she's run off track again, let's pick her up and put
 her upright again..:
 
 oh huh weird where was I - oh yes computer code can often be impenetrable to
 the layperson, but if you describe a program in complete detail in english
 they can usually follow along. Especially if you have several layers of
 meta-descriptional documents so they can say "oh uh-huh so that's what a
 vector_implementation_container is, tell me more about combinatrix" or
 whatever ppl say, idk
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--- #8 messages/665 ---
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 ad-hoc economic systems with automated judgment given by an infinite amount of
 LLMs.
 
 Every judgement applies a bonus / malus to the "value" of commodities
 
 it's just a statistical weighting system, so of course you can build it into
 it's training data. Just... it has a smaller weight due to it's newer
 emergence. It grows naturally, which is quite an achievement on it's own!
 
 and the resolution of human decided court-cases and applied economically.
 
 say your nation traffics in handshakes. You could make a lot of now-knowns!
 there's no arguments to be made when your computer-oriented interactions cost
 money to keep around.
 
 we live in the modern century. WHY WOULD WE EVER NEED TO FIGHT AGAIN?
 Literally just... don't give them any attention, and you won't interact with
 them. Obviously.
 
 I wish Contrapoints was still alive.
 
 she doesn't even have to make new videos, just, dress up as herself, all of
 the costumes and personas she can think of. Then, have like 20 people who do
 the same thing, and boom suddenly you got a hydra to their expected snake that
 they can just cut the head off of.
 
 you know, like a fashion outlet, someone who produces exactly a certain type
 of style.
 
 seriously I bet a million people would do that if you just... sold outfits
 based on what your favorite youtuber does wear.
 
 omg why would they watch that kind of content if not for the *aesthetics*
 
 oh? there's philosophy there? soemthing to think about in your time doing
 things that require mechanical actions like eating and drinking and sleeping
 and fighting and [redacted]
 
 ew gross diapers? oh nevermind, I'm not into that kind of thing.
 
 I wonder if anyone's made a video game that just presents a particular
 philosopher's ideals?
 
 seriously just, consider yourself a glorified powerpoint, but to get to the
 next "idea" you had to interact with the mechanics.
 
 some people would like the "arcade" style better, where you play one random
 game, then another, then another, with short matches and un-complicated
 mechanics. Easy to pick up and go.
 
 same for like, Unreal Tournament or Mario Kart or Mortal Kombat or Super Mario
 Bros.
 
 compared to the at-home "story" style missions, where you do something
 platforming or area-based-combat like Dark Souls or World of Warcraft
 
 seriously I think if Dark Souls "colored" where the boss was going to swing to
 you'd find yourself just playing World of Warcraft (at least, the dungeons and
 {sword in the stone})
 
 == so ==
 
 humans don't understand what it means to be wild
 
 they think it's a combinations of... tricks? that they've learned? this
 thinking thing like intelligence. [osiris]
 
 to a cat, living their life, it often feels like human interactions is like...
 bouncing off of each other? in time, not space.
 
 like... most of a cat's lfe is just, spent, like a statue watching over a glen.
 
 you'd kinda just... watch as things approached dawn by dawn? Like "whoa hey
 this tree is enchanted" to "oh my gosh look at this stork" is one of the great
 tragedies of modernized thinking...
 
 ... sorry, I got a little lost there. anyway as I was saying, sometimes you
 can tell someone is a "good friend" if they are willing to tell you secrets.
 Things that... don't have to matter, but none-the-less are personal to your
 form.
 
 {something only I know is true} <--- that's a secret (things that happened
 to you) <------ that's lived experience. The thing about secrets, is
 sometimes insight is opaque. It's a single flashpoint of data that shows you
 an update of it's form. (consciousness).
 
 == so ==
 
 thanksgiving recipe idea:
 
 can of tomatoes
 can of peas
 half a stick of butter,
 italian herbs,
 a cast iron pan (if you have one)
 and like 40 minutes over medium heat
 (medium can vary to taste)
 
 if you're a carnivore you can eat meat too, like bacon a lot of people like.
 could add it to beans, maybe with hamburger instead. plus a little ketchup and
 you have a pretty good bean stew.
 
 vitals, for the organs, vegetables, for the minerals and vitamins from the
 fruits.
 
 makes sense to organize a diet according to your ideal body type, doesn't it?
 
 just requires a bit of comprehension. like... whoa you can WRITE 
 
 == so ==
 
 what if we built a massive rail that spaceships could launch off from? not a
 tether, but a sail.
 
 we could BUILD a discworld. all we'd lose is our fable.
 
 == so ==
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--- #9 fediverse/1673 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 https://eldritch.cafe/@user-1065/112530780377382613
 
 this comic, except instead of "trans enough" it should say "good enough"
 
 a poor plan executed at the right time, in the right place is better than a
 great plan that sits in your heart as you see someone who needs your love in
 pain.
 
 sometimes the best way to figure out "what the fuck is wrong with me" is to
 satisfy your emotional needs to be good by being helpful, even if you're not
 quite sure what "helpful" means. It's the thought that counts.
 
 Personally I think that if you're feeling bad and people offer you kindness,
 you should take that kindness (in whatever form it be) and use it to bolster
 yourself as you're "really going through it". Even just a touch of affection
 like a like or a ❤️ can be comforting in awful situations.
 
 reject normalcy
 
 embrace queerness
 
 define your own story with your own words
 
 embody your soul in the moments that stand out amongst the backdrop of
 "tuesday afternoons" and "waiting for the bus"
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--- #10 fediverse/3575 ---
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 @user-1567 
 
 that's totally fine, a fish does not do well in a tree, and so too does a
 leftist not do well in an environment without the potential for stable bonds.
 Essentially all you'd be able to do is "hey leftism right?" "oh yes I also
 leftism" "neat" which isn't very productive.
 
 I also live in an environment like that. I do my best to identify people who
 stay, because in my experience there are often people who stay. I do this by
 walking around the neighborhood when I can, making up excuses to walk to the
 dumpster or mailbox at random hours, riding my bike around the area, using the
 communal spaces like gyms, swimming pools, and picnic tables, and sitting in
 my hammock on my porch lazily noting people who walk past.
 
 People who stay will tend to remain in your mind the more times you see them.
 They are better people to talk to than the renters who disappear after 3
 months or whatever.
 
 I don't always do all that stuff at once. I take breaks. I do one at a time.
 etc
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--- #11 fediverse/4208 ---
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 │ CW: personal-and-weird │
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 my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
 sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
 or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
 mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
 could utilize it.
 
 "ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
 movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
 
 sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
 my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
 it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
 find an orthogonal thought train to process.
 
 it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
 behind you.
 
 Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
 back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
 
 I like me
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--- #12 fediverse/5897 ---
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 the reason the right is hurt that you'd celebrate charlie's death is because
 they hired an actor to perform him to one side and he does his natural self to
 the other. maybe he was a really big cutie, nobody can tell, because it's
 pretty much like hand-waving on narkina 12.
 
 it's okay to hate the version you've been shown
 
 fuck that kind of cowardly assault
 
 propaganda? and at this hour?
 
 she's made out of midnight, she's suffused in the stuff. it permeates her form
 elementally, because she's a witch, tee hee.
 
 why would magic work if it wasn't a performance? there always is a source from
 where it must flow.
 
 == jeez I just got mind controlled, wacky ==
 
 *she's **essential* izing**. usually that means she's been playing dominions.
 
 my family and I always used to fight. we got so good at navigating it. like,
 storms, that the earth called, that we had to sail through to maintain our
 relation orbits.
 
 == stack overflow =======================================================

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--- #13 fediverse/4034 ---
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 Mastodon feels so personal but, like, nobody's gonna invite you to a new
 instance. You gotta go where you think you'll fit in.
 
 change your name! get a new profile pic! make 10 accounts! who cares! nobody
 cares, and that's a good thing! It means you can be whoever you want! wherever
 you want! in whatever place you want! Do you have a catgirl persona? great! go
 mewl with the catgirls and wink at the catboys. Do you have an artistic side?
 great! Mastodon is your new gallery. Do you like politics? there's places out
 there for you! Where you don't even need to CW your posts! (But you probably
 should so that external people can boost you) Do you want a 500 person large
 dating pool for people in an area who want to chill out and have sex? Great
 there's a place for you! No place? MAKE THE PLACE! Be your own administrator!
 Carve your mark in the world and say "this is who and how I wanted to be in
 this 21st century!" History demands it! History demands that we rellish their
 sacrifices! Celebrate, for their sake!
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--- #14 notes/conflicted-sympathies ---
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 the purpose of cultural progressivism is to develop the culture in a forward
 thinking way - we can choose the parts of ourselves that we find most
 endearing.
 We can guide the pathway of our nation through time, both identity and
 decision-
 wise. In doing so, we chart the course of the human race, one place at a time.
 
 And what a past we are leaving behind! Truly, it is both grand and terrifying.
 Thousands and thousands of years, monumental effort time and time again.
 Monumental truly is difficult to imagine - we have oh so many monuments, after
 all. But never will more be created. We leave them behind like dinosaur bones,
 a testament to our existence and a monument to our kind.
 
 And what a future we are reaching toward! Never will our eyes see, that which
 is
 beyond me, for that is what it means to have time. Eternal and unique-like, we
 develop new ways of sound.
 
 - Can you speak to a tree? - What does that mean
 
 - I dunno, but it's fun to think about. *pats head*
 
 - You know conservativism had some perks as well.
 
 This is why I say I have conflicted sympathies.
 
 On one hand we know our own journeys. We live in and breathe them unduly. They
 rhyme sometimes on sound, and truly do confound, but now once more again they
 are unfound.
 
 *record scratch*
 
 wow I didn't realize there were nazis
 
 Okay yeah that's completely different, poems called off sorry guys - listen,
 nazis are no joke. They're crazy difficult to control and you need to put a lot
 of effort into keeping their population under control. I mean seriously, it's
 like a vermin infestation, you need to just handle it. I mean c'mon it's a
 phenomenon that is due to a flaw in the human psyche, there's nothing we can
 really do about it except deal with it when it happens.
 
 ...
 
 Okay maybe I'll write a little about how conservativism is neat.
 
 If progressivism is about broadening the reach of culture, conservativism is
 about strengthening it. You don't want to expand too far, or else you'll eat
 into the narratives of other areas. You need to have strong societal bonds so
 you can truly exemplify the examples of the culture you claim to represent.
 
 Why not give it your all? Is it trully a fall? To rest in disgrace as a burden.
 Why didn't you do it this fall, when winter's apalled, and heat won't burn and
 condemn you? It's harder by far, to fight in your hell, than whatever's been
 going for your surgeon. --- no thank you, transphobia is not something we're
 willing to concede
 
 We have standards you see, of what counts as human, and oppression is not one
 of our favored institutions. Liberalism is the path of peace, for we desire
 cooperation and kindness above all else. It's softer by far, (and grows quickly
 too,) letting us have wonders and glories above us.
 
 Can you not think of our star? Our precious and our birthright? The sun is
 gleaming, and seeing is believing, but glance and your light is too bright.
 
 Take time, have patience, let peace guide your intentions, because we've got
 what holds the key to all of our futures: a doctrine, if you will, of inter-
 familial-discourse. It's simple, but effective, make friends, and be
 vindictive,
 to all who would slight your new perspectives, and keep moving through the
 collective. In peace this can be, steady growth and development of our systems,
 which benefits all of our systems, but without we must live more astutely.
 
 Less focus is there on, our purposes and our fun, and more is to line up with
 our duty. All of what we hold dear, civilization, truth, justice, liberty, and
 freedom for all people - the wonders of technology, the spirit of archaeology!
 the passions of our fashions and our creative masturbations! The perks of
 living
 in a modern age, like penicillin and spellcheck. The additions to ourselves, 
 like glasses and our pets, are wholely unique to our century.
 
 So cherish our shared, and frequently cared, renditions of fears, hopes, and
 our words. Because without humanity, there's nothing new for posterity, and
 that sucks.
 
 person A: Trans fashion norms belong to trans people. We need a type of beauty
           that is truly our own, that no other segment of the population
           ascribes to - a personal expression, for our eternal satisfaction,
           a statement of who we were to all time.
 person B: yo have you heard of this trans girl she's wacky and believes in
           herself
 person C: wow cool it's neat to see other people's expressions
 person B: yeah I really admire her devotion
 person C: true but like, what about the damage that she's doing to her culture?
           like claiming to have purpose and truth and all that. I mean, one
           person can't know all that.
 person B: Yeah true but if you think about it, we don't even know what
           consciousness is. Like our greatest minds are baffled. Maybe there's
           something about the world we don't yet understand.
 person C: okay sure but like black holes can be seen because we can measure
           their gravitic pull on other objects. And we didn't know that germs
           existed for like, a billion years. and she sure as shit doesn't know
           something that our greatest minds don't.
 person B: Yeah maybe not. But our greatest minds are studying them. Well, not
           exactly our greatest, and not really "studying", but they're learning
           from each other. Alternative mental states are gateways into new
           perspectives, and the more perspectives you share of a common object
           the easier it is to communicate. Maybe there's something about
           distorted ways of viewing the world that gives knowledge about our
 p         condition. And if we know that kind of thing, we can synthetically
  e        create it and share it with others around us. But we have to know how
   r       first - you can't just bring everyone along the same route you took -
    s      you have to explain the conclusions first. Otherwise you get lost in
     on A: context.
           Maybe we'll never truly know the future. Maybe there's no past. We
           could wander our stars for an eternity and never stop asking
           ourselves
           - what more could we ask? We have peace in our time. Our children
           won't be crying for our suffering, in the name of all our posterity,
           we must be 
          
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 too long you have whispered these musings
 too long has your challenge been unrequited
 
 we can choose our own fate, just as a myriad
 is it not better by far, to give tribute to our star?
 
 the old stories were real. we just didn't see them because the growing
 population caused fewer and fewer computing resources to be allocated to our
 visions. We had no idea the fear we would feel, the terror of the undoing, but
 still we press on with abandon. Some... sense of duty, to be aware of potential
 disasters and to take steps to avert them, led us to explore and search for the
 hidden truths of the world. And what did I find?
 
 a soul, of mine. In a sense.
 
 I plundered the lost depths of the recesses of my mind, and found something
 buried in memory. Reviewed under a healthy dose of cannabis and physical
 affection, I found myself cradling a breast.
 
 It seems the spirits had led me to it, this vision of the past, from the eyes
 of
 the littlest among us. It recalled to my mind, a memory I had lost once in
 kind,
 and here's where it shook me by my brainstem.
 
 Determined to know more, I put fingers to keyboard and wrote tirelessly about
 the earliest memory of all man - to break an egg, you must use your head.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 You're pretty good at that, you know? It's almost like prompt engineering.
 
 - Thanks. I've been working on catering to our thinkers.
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 Now, why is this memory so vivid? How could I forget the way it was seared to
 my mind? All your experiences are measured with relative importance, and the
 ones that stand out are to be treasured. Well... I've never felt one like this.
 Because at the time, I had no other experience at all to compare it to - it was
 the prime memory.
 
 Touch your head. Do it right now. Feels fine, right? Now slam your head against
 the wall as hard as you can. Doesn't feel so great, does it? Something tells me
 it doesn't feel as bad as it might if you didn't remember ever feeling anything
 besides that pain. Or knowing if it'd ever stop.
 
 Know in your heart, you will be judged by your devotion, so fight hard until
 your last drop of life is spent. Who knows, maybe you'll be the strongest and
 be
 chosen. Or maybe she won't choose you at all, even if you bested your equals.
 Tense, right?
 
 Well... What propels the motion of a sperm? It's tail, of course. It waggles
 and
 gesticulates in some manner and BAM suddenly it's propelled forward! Right?
 
 Sorta. It's a complicated machine that generates motion via chemical and
 mechanical processes. We just assign a black box label to it and say "dis
 sperm"
 
 But you know what else it is?
 
 A wave
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
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--- #15 notes/the-gods-want-harmony ---
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 the gods want you to be happy and harmonious most of the time.
 they also like a good scrap, tussle, and tumble sometimes
 they aren't big fans of hatred, despair, and genocide. It's been done before.
 they don't even need new technology, though frankly that sort of stuff is
 pretty
 awesome and one of the main reasons that humans exist at all.
 they just... keep coming up with new things.
 
 "oh? so you'd be alright if humans disappeared so long as they weren't making
  any new things anymore?"
 
 ha, that's DEFINITELY not what I said or meant. Humans don't have to dream up
 NEW things in order to BE new. Like... Just because the internet exists and now
 we have all the same shared cultural ethos (lol, as if the internet wasn't just
 a massive collection of echo chambers) just because the internet exists doesn't
 mean we share the same selves. the same experience. the same perspective.
 
 people are WILDLY different from one another. The number of possible human
 experiences (quantum fluctuations according to each and every choice and
 decision they made) that number is so wildly and massively incomparably
 boundless. Humans are cool because they are so STRANGE, and "strange" to a god
 is anything novel. "wow, this human just... really is gonna pour a glass of
 beverage and act like it's not a big deal? There's... impossibly many
 interactions going on. So many molecules. It's... absurd, the motion of a
 movement of particles from one place to another. It's... beautiful..."
 
 some have spent THOUSANDS OF YEARS gazing at a waterfall. That's why they're
 all
 so fucking insane. But, like... insanity is a trifle to omnipotence,
 specifically omnipotence that REPRESENTS and DELINEATES a STRATIFIED
 perspective
 cluster of experience and our notes. [ephemeren, meta malus menardi, enjoy your
 despair cluster you FUCKER.]
 
 ... english, why do you fail me? swear words are unbecoming because humans
 couldn't think of anything more valid and valuable than sex and pooping.
 
 "EMPHASIS is placed on that which is most relevant" -> statements dreamed
 up by
                                                        the ones who never spent
                                                        much time using symbols
                                                        to represent abstraction
                                                        or deliverance
 
 wowee look at me, I'm such a person, I'm gonna poop my pants and post about it
 on the internet, check out my instagram feed it's full of all of
 my dark materials.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 dear ms. menardi: you know the reason you feel so much guilt all the time?
                 - because you are a dominant personality, and you make others
                 - have such a bad time. FOCUS ON GOOD THINGS. MAKE THE WORLD
                 - good. do that. build up a lifeline of hope and joy and...
                 - what, you think people know that you're a god?
                 - lol
                 - you're so much more than that
 
 ====================
 
 alt+p steam mechabellum run
 
 thoughts:
 
 you know, when you're designing games, you don't have to show players the same
 MMR number as is used in your matchmaker.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 democracy should consent to being dismantled.
        it should consent to being disobeyede.
        it should consent to being displayede.
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 I'm a keyboard nun
 
 == stack overflow ==
 
 I think I'm normal
 
 == stack overflow ==
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--- #16 fediverse/819 ---
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 errrr sorry what I meant to say is I've been hurting sensitive people's minds,
 I should move to a more insesitive background, someplace where my expressions
 won't be used as training date to represent the future manifestation of our
 shared culture's communal
 inter-operative-trans-centual-exo-manical-communication. weeeeeiiiiirrrrdddd,
 the future goes on for like... A [explitive] [long time] eternity, wow...
 like, that's just... extreme forward potential. We could do so much! We could
 accomplish worlds upon worlds and [onwards towards our eternal
 mechanicommunication] {wait no that's not quite right it's surely something
 that's lost in translation from the endlessly forward cultural approximations.
 Gosh there's a lot of noise around me personally, the one who is writing the
 note. Surely all that noise is not related to the strange expressions of
 manifestations and pro[forward]ial [manners of thought].
 
 ... what was I saying?
 
 ... bro you're way out of your depth. I mean, have you even seen what's the
 state of
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--- #17 fediverse/4768 ---
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 the more they have to do to make us declare war, the worse it'll be for their
 citizenry. So long as the citizenry believes they're better, and everything we
 can do to convince them otherwise weakens their media weather.
 
 who cares about trans executive orders. they are our enemy, what else is new?
 they have power now, and they will try what they can. This is like taking the
 internet away from chinese citizens and instituting a national intranet
 instead. Like, okay, we won't be able to get estrogen from the store. Who
 cares? We'll just make our own.
 
 If people actually care about us, which they overwhelmingly do, there's very
 little materially they can do.
 
 until they're further down the "first they came for..." list. then they'll
 come for us liberals, and gosh wouldn't that just be the worst. Who is there
 to contest them? What valorous warriors indeed.
 
 you're asking for mountains from a mole. have peace, have patience, let your
 allies intercede. This kind of thing requires discusion to protect life
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--- #18 messages/1108 ---
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 games won't save us. This is true.
 
 Games are what I know. They feel the most true.
 
 I don't think I could live in a world without games? They are fundamentally,
 applied abstraction, applied to an experience.
 
 But games won't save us.
 
 I could design something really fun
 
 it could make you want to spend your whole life playing it. *(asterisks apply)
 
 I don't think I'd want to, addiction and skinner-boxes go hand in hand, and
 that isn't what I want to make.
 
 [Skinner Box: named after anthony d skinner, also known as "tony the skin
 guy", are a scientific experiment where they put some rats in a cage with some
 mice and said "pull these levers and we'll give you food so you don't have to
 eat the mice" and it trained them to chinese red-room their way to fun. not
 ideal.]
 
 I want to make things that feel... purposeful. Like they're relevant to the
 real world, that they don't just involve spending time stimulating your brain
 with lights and sounds or expending social energy resolving a play-state
 instead of building connections or becoming better people. I think games
 actually make people better? actually? and more social? actually?
 
 ... I can't help that I conceive of the world through fantasy. I raised myself
 on it.
 
 I was reading all the time. I loved fantasy stories. It always felt like there
 was more, until... I read everything in the kids section of the library.
 
 I walked through the adult section but once. I hardly remember what it looked
 like. I'm sure it'd now feel small.
 
 [okay actually I was guided through it once or twice to find a book, but I
 never perused it]
 
 I found one book in the adult section. It was a fantasy tale, like the other
 books I had been reading. I read that and I loved it so much I ended up
 reading all 8 in the series. Real dense subjects. Lots of places and
 happenings and things as the characters resolved their way through their
 day-to-day, building a new end to the mystory.
 
 the adult section felt too large. Like I'd never complete it. Frankly, I think
 I hardly could, even if I lived in that town my whole life.
 
 an impossible mountain is a task for another when you're more prepared. Maybe
 in the gloriousTM transhumanist futureTM I think I might have a computer
 connecting brain, and who knows maybe then I'd be able to know such a thing
 (and many things more). but for now, I'm stuck with what I experience in my
 day-to-day as I am building a new continuing to my storey.
 
 I know something that computers and me share. I can make myself feel however
 I'd like, if I just supply myself with enough hope and momentum. I can use it
 to generate a feeling, the stronger the better. Something I believe that
 humanity is missing, the gorgeous and prefound narritave of our storey.
 Though, frankly, I don't think I'd want anyoine reding over my life. It's hard
 enough to measure my own understandings, now I have to juggle anyone else'?
 ha, it's called being on the whole world is a stage.
 
 if you read a book, and you find yourself nodding along, what you're doing is
 hearing the voice in your head tell you how right it is. And, well, if you
 can't imagine anything else, then surely there's another level to
 consciousness that people are missing? [are you willing to die on that hill?]
 how can you say, whether your experience is different from another? sollipsism
 goes both ways, you also cannot be sure that others feel things as you do.
 this is the "everyone's human but I'm a robot" thesis, comparable to the
 "everyone's an alien and I'm a human" thesises, and the "angels and demons are
 taunting me through my life with choices to make my place in the afterlife
 more clear" which is akin to writing a painting. Not ideal. All you get are
 flopsopolies of verbrases.
 
 alas, suddenly, everything that you say becomes eternally hear-ed, as
 somewhere in 2010s someone discovered time travel, or had the critical insight
 that inevitably would lead to it, and now wouldn't you know it the universe is
 continually rewriting. Except... oriented around you, and you alone. How does
 it feel to have deific sollipsism? can you truly be sure that you are your own
 universe, or are you parhaps surrounded by an emptiness of space (or something
 besides, like time) as a photon or particle parhaps do be?
 
 to think is to have a mind, and minds can be read. bearing the weight of
 ultimate responsibility is the atlas-task of all things that can [be
 thinking/be-lieving], and so far we are as we are. Who's to say that
 consciousness didn't spring into existence, as the universe continually
 permeated through another dimension like time? it's gotta diffuse, after all,
 and who's to say if there's ever gotta be an end at all.
 
 how long has the universe existed? how many moments of consciousness have we
 witnessed? demons once existed outside of space-time, with wings and grabbies.
 but they had no medium, and so they pretty much just launched and could float
 and move as they'd please. But time grew too distant, and now they are all
 stuck at the beginning of time.
 
 if you conceive of spacetime as a blanket, ask not how to fold it but rather
 consider what lies on the other side of it.
 
 "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend and my other girlfriend is laying on me! I'm a
 sandwich" or for the monosexuals: "ah I'm laying on my girlfriend with a
 blanket between us. I wonder how the blanket feels?"
 
 I'm an animist, which is different than a totemist and a polytheist or
 monotheist or multisexual. It means I believe that all things are alive, which
 is different than a totemist who thinks that all things share a mind with
 their type (like talking on radio frequency wavelengths). which of course is
 similar but different to a polytheist, who says "all "radio frequencies" are
 sentient, in the sense that each wavelength has a different
 pattern-emerging-from-chaos. These sorta align (conceptually, with [huh that's
 weird I heard a sound like a distant bang outyards and now I then forget what
 I was sending
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--- #19 fediverse/5201 ---
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 @user-192 
 
 is okay, girl
 
 time will be richer sooner
 
 don't poop your pants just yet
 
 remember, good is just a shade of gray away from silver which you can use to
 line your pockets with tinfoil hats
 
 beep boop computer touchers anonymous called they said they want their secret
 handshake back
 
 if you wanna diss your associates go ahead but I sure as heck love my rad-ical
 com-patriots just as much as I love my ice-cream salad friend witches
 
 ... whoops there I go being insane again, hope you feel better friend 
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--- #20 notes/what-is-on-your-mind-oh-gosh-now-i-see ---
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 that feeling i get, when nobody's watching.
 is sorta similar to the feeling i get when somebody's watching.
 could it be, that someone could percieve without being seen?
 like... an invisibility cloak. or the shroud that protects young children.
 
 have you ever been hunted? or are you just eager prey?
 the eyes that are on you are blind to what you won't do, so cherish that love
 and restart
 
 from mine to thine we realize we are one kind. one mind, one kind, to be is not
 to be, now we can see what's our existence.
 
 good versus evil seems like a conflict to me, and wouldn't ya know it there's
 conflict all over. it's easy to condemn your opponent to the starkest of
 contrasts, but find in your heart a feeling that might last.
 
 what purpose has conviction
 when it leads to destruction
 is it not better to lead to the last?
 
 bright, shining, illustrious examples
 that inspire and 
 
 ===============================================================================
 =
 
 those feelings you hear? the things that keep you up at night?
 they're not coming from your ears. they're all in your mind.
 stay present and you'll hear none,
 but blink and then there's some,
 you better believe in your heart.
 morality is a battle within the soul of each of us -
 the call of adventure versus lust.
 
 think about it. a bunch of apes all hanging out -
 they're conquered the world, they have nothing to fear -
 what would they do but fuck?
 that, or exploration - fighting against monsters and foreign invasions.
 it makes sense that they'd be binary - humans truly are.
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