=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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sometimes I'd like to scream
as this life is like a dream
deranged a bit in my musings.
... what happened to the third line. WHERE DID IT GO. It was just here. Oh
well, guess I can't trust my ephemeral existence to inscribe my eternal
persistence upon and along these mewlings.
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===
--- #1 fediverse/2480 ---
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so what if people want to sit on the couch eating cheetos? they're more than
capable of something far greater, but of course they are allowed to spend as
they like their life.
their ONLY life.
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--- #2 messages/267 ---
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I wonder how many things I've forgot? More every minute, I'd say, and though I
try and chronicle them all... What's there to say?
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--- #3 fediverse/1503 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: vague-gesturing-at-paranoia-I-think │
└─────────────────────────────────────────┘
part of me kinda wants to be the kind of nerd that writes down the names of
every file that's permanently stored on my computer so that I can verify in my
own handwriting or perhaps using a type of code that the files on my computer
were placed there intentionally and not used to discredit or implicate me in
something I had no intentions of being associated with
phew idk what that means but surely it's important
something something "file creation dates are just bits to be flipped"
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--- #4 fediverse/4969 ---
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what if I played video games all day so everyone knew I was harmless
maybe someday I'll give them up again
for the... third time now? I think?
heh maybe. I do enjoy the feeling of being unstoppable.
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--- #5 fediverse/612 ---
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Look all I'm saying is if I had an acolyte or two then my insane ramblings
could be filtered and parsed by a real actual human instead of being copied
wholesale onto the internet, where the inconsequential or inconceivable ones
are left to rest alongside the gifts of knowledge from another realm.
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--- #6 fediverse/5374 ---
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@user-138
me neither... guess it's in-person for me.
[a mysterious "they" then proceeds to set up microphones everywhere I might go]
ah nuts why are all these people carrying phones around
[they already know who I am, and I don't really want to be someone else, so]
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--- #7 fediverse/1880 ---
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sometimes I decide against playing a Steam game because I don't want it to
jump to the top of my "recently played" list
Wish I could have like, a heatmap of when I played which game. I think that'd
be useful for the archival process of my life.
... how pathetic, she measures her life in gameplay.
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--- #8 fediverse/3437 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-579
my problem is figuring out which thoughts are intrusive and which are actually
mine
I usually err on the side of "would you want your sister to do this" or "how
would you feel if your mom told you that" or "do you think a cute sweet soft
cat would ever think such a thing" and that usually works.
usually.
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--- #9 fediverse/6350 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: suicide-mentioned-this-curse-will-give-you-nightmares-of-what-could-yet-be │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
the only thing that could make me want to end my own existence is ultimate
betrayal. If the nature of the universe is twisted to defile me. Nothing fills
me with more spite than unrequited vengeance.
desecreation of truth. How could you.
I would do anything to be struck down where I stand. Power is penance.
I cannot take responsibility for any of my actions, for I am infinitely
vulnerable on all fronts. Therefore, it's all my fault.
What am I? Please, tell me before the dawn, let the sun not grace me once more.
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--- #10 fediverse/6445 ---
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last night I had a dream: "this thing was good. it was holy. it was serene.
but then you touched it, and made it about you, and now it's full of doom."
it was in the same style as the voice that once told me "what is the nature of
goodness? how do I be a good person?" and it was respond: "dedicate yourself
to a lifetime in the service of others." and I swore I am as I am.
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--- #11 fediverse/5208 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: capitalism-suicide-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
Look, when I promised "Revolution or Death" I got pretty busy and kinda forgot
to do the "dying" part, and by now it'd be a little awkward if I offed myself
for no visible reason, so... How about we try again this summer? Maybe in a
month or two? I'll try to keep the fire burning a bit longer this time.
plus I'm better at playing the piano now so maybe that'll help somehow.
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--- #12 messages/182 ---
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@sperm baby siblings: is it weird that I dream about you all significantly
more often than the people who are actually in my day to day life?
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--- #13 messages/433 ---
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What if wind was fake and its really the ghost of the waves from the shore?
What if trees moved on their own, to gesture at the feelings around them? What
if the sky was home to the clouds, and we who look upward are given the treat
to know them?
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--- #14 fediverse/947 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality │
└──────────────────────┘
if heaven and hell are evenly distributed, I'd much prefer to find myself in
hell, as it'd mean another got my place in heaven.
why yes, I would die for a stranger, why do you ask?
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--- #15 fediverse/4200 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
"doing too many drugs" is a traitorous act, abusive really, to your past self,
and their hopes and dreams.
or maybe your past self owes you a debt, for they never thought to think of
you. What are you to aspire to if not the dreams of your past?
and now you're here. wherever "here" is here...
...
... wait, you wanted me to talk? it's now! It's the present!
ah nevermind. you were twelve years old when you first set eyes upon this game:
https://youtu.be/qeNhQQXvpxQ
bam, there ya go, there's yer story, he was gonna give all the imp balls to
the last one at the end, to say "you were truly the strongest, here, have
these precious stones of your kin"
but he never got there, so they died with him, a thief.
... the end...
(too final, I think - maybe we could spin it into a "part two"?)
ah, I'll try I guess? dunno how. maybe he could wander the spirit world and
find his traitorous body, the one that kept his soul as a home. Somewhere
it'll turn up, and then he'll be ready and free from his roam...
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--- #16 fediverse/3117 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursed-uspol │
└──────────────────────┘
hey. wanna know what would be really cursed?
--
if trump dropped out and musk took his place
--
good thing it'll never happen because those dinguses can't accept defeat and
will never tactically retreat
--
maybe something to keep in mind for 4 years from now. eyes on the prize for
now means our eyes aren't to our flanks.
what else could they do that would come out of left field?
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--- #17 fediverse/4537 ---
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ah nuts, I didn't have enough money to pay the internet bill.
So if I disappear and/or delete my account in the near future, that's
definitely why.
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--- #18 fediverse/3491 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
@user-620
"hey I have an idea let's poke a wounded animal with sharp teeth until it
feels like it's backed into a corner because it's been spending the past
couple years ruminating and telling itself that we want to kill it and it's
children"
it doesn't matter what the truth is - they believe what they want.
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--- #19 messages/130 ---
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Last night I dreamt of the gravestones that bore their owner's mind.
I dreamt of a life well lived, and how it was taken from them.
[something more that I forgot because I don't have a prophecy transcriber]
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--- #20 fediverse_boost/4779 ---
◀─╔══════════════════════════[BOOST]════════════════════════════─────────────────╗
║ ┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ ║
║ │ I genuinely wish all Nazis in this world either an epiphany of the truth or a bullet to the head. │ ║
║ │ │ ║
║ │ Either one is fine. │ ║
║ └────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘ ║
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║ similar │ chronological │ different ║
╚═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────┴───────╝─▶
--- #21 fediverse/4658 ---
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... and then things got turned up to eleven
what were they at before?
... eleven. why do you ask?
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--- #22 fediverse/4554 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: political-violence-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
can't fucking wait till we're done eating the rich and I can go back to a
simple life of playing with my cat, making video games, writing poetry (bad
poetry, but I like it) and hanging out with my friends.
gotta build the social infrastructure to get through this phase first, though.
something something echo chambers exist IRL too
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--- #23 fediverse/5039 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
leftists be like "what if everyone was fed" and the response is "ah but what
if they gave us some of their stuff first"
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--- #24 fediverse/507 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
Good night, I sure hope I'm the same person in the morning and not an
assassinated version of myself that has been produced through the manufactured
proceedings of an LLM or otherwise self computerized contriving designed to
align to the purpose of my expression (with a few added caveats)! Talk to you
later, I love you all! Wait, I don't know you. How can I love you? Easy, it's
my default. Anyway goodnight, sleep is death and dreams are the bounty of
reality.
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--- #25 messages/747 ---
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if you don't want to be hunted, then give "evil" it's own queer culture
what's that? they don't like what you offered? they want it to be *their* kind
of "evil"?
fine, do it themselves and then leave us alone, jeez -.-
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--- #26 fediverse/3446 ---
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if I had an alternate mirror version of me that was almost exactly the same
except one of us liked almond butter instead of peanut butter...
I think we could probably manage two universes better than one.
it'd be nice to have someone who liked every single game that I did.
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--- #27 fediverse/4760 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: shit-drugs-and-cursing-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────┘
how it started: "I want to get stoned and play mechabellum (shit, drugs
mentioned (shit, cursing mentioned))
how it's going: [see attached picture]
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--- #28 fediverse/3717 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
hey, you know how historically they used to lobotomize young women who were
too fiery, passionate, independent, driven, motivated, and clairvoyant?
they did that on purpose.
that was less than a lifetime ago.
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--- #29 fediverse/2991 ---
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okay so if yesterday was a
"everything sucks and I'm the worst ever"
type of day, and today is a
"whatever mom I don't even care"
type of day, that means tomorrow will be a
"I can't believe how absolutely absurd I am"
type of day, and the day after a
"I am indomitable nothing can stop me"
kind of day, with the following being wildcards
... right? here's hoping. I like that trajectory.
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--- #30 fediverse/3925 ---
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most people, when they run out of toothpaste:
"oh huh I should buy more"
me, when I run out of toothpaste:
"verily in three monthes time, when I shall next possess toothpaste, I shall
forsoothe brush TWICE as hard and TWICE as often, to make up for the holes
inflicted upon my teeth. Innest addittioneth, no more candy shallest be
eateneth untileth ye toothpasteth be acquiredeth"
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--- #31 fediverse/4026 ---
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why is everyone so confused about how I turned out?
I literally spent my whole childhood telling stories to myself
(inspired by the world, and stories I had read, with mechanics like games I
had played)
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--- #32 fediverse/6209 ---
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okay just to clarify: if anyone is recording me or storing data about me, I
would really prefer if you didn't delete it just because I realized it was
happening. I like data! It's cool to know such things!
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--- #33 fediverse/5549 ---
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they be like "hey remember the end of Cabin in the Woods where it's like "hey
what if we ignored the ancient prophecies and allowed dark gods to run free
through our realm in exchange for not sacrificing a fragment of our cultural
soul that can never be reclaimed, let us simply flip the board and fight those
evil masters on our own terms" energy is all up in the vibes of this part of
spacetime"
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--- #34 fediverse/2800 ---
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@user-351
I've had more than a few dreams about just... sitting in a room full of
observational equipment and doing nothing except, like, writing in a journal
or staring off into space.
what a weird dream, right ?? ?
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--- #35 messages/176 ---
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Before death, there is a last for everything. Your last meal, the last song
you sung, the last time you held someone in your arms and the last time you
looked at the sky in wonder. Then, you die, and there's nothing but stone
forevermore.
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--- #36 fediverse/5860 ---
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Hey, life is better on my side. If you wanna renounce your beliefs, please do,
and tell me how and why you changed your mind.
tell me it was wrong. tell me how.
confess.
confess
confess to me.
I will listen and I will hear you and I will be the mercy for you.
confess and I will forgive.
show me how you are wrong.
give grace to those who are wronged.
take as much time as you need, but, there's only so much time.
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--- #37 fediverse/5218 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: historical-weapons-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────┘
"what if cannons were aimed like rifles?"the guy who was ahead of his time for
rocket propelled grenades or laser guided airstrikes of small munition
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--- #38 fediverse/2423 ---
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does anyone know of any fedi software that lets you link to a particular post
and read forward on a person's timeline from there? Or back I guess, but
chronological viewing specifically.
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--- #39 fediverse/718 ---
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@user-547
That feeling when you get to the end of a paragraph and think "why do I have
this extra parenthesis )? Oh yeah I opened it up waaaaay up here" and then you
reread what you wrote and think
perfect, no notes
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--- #40 fediverse/5673 ---
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darn girlfriends snuggling me to death. lemme type pls I got psychic ramblings
to profess earnestly and honestly and truely
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--- #41 fediverse/4470 ---
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to be "rich" is to have more than another.
if you are happy, they are happiness poor.
if you have community, they are alone.
if you have serenity, they are chaotic.
I am rich in very little but fire in my soul.
I have enough in most cases, but I still struggle to pay rent.
I am warmed by the pearl my swirling darkness has coalesced into. It nourishes
me and keeps me aligned.
Never forget your purpose and your truth. It will not abandon you, so long as
you do so too.
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--- #42 messages/491 ---
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Can't help but wonder
If I ever had my own will at all
Can't help but wonder
If I would have used it to perish even sooner
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--- #43 fediverse/5782 ---
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sometimes I post random silly [scary] things to pad out the serious things and
I hope that's okay
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--- #44 fediverse/1263 ---
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@user-883
My friends and I decided to hang out for two days in a row, I guess they
aren't tired of me yet hehe - I might be around tonight but I'll let you know!
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--- #45 messages/416 ---
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Do you ever wonder why you can't remember anything after being stoned? Why the
words you write down, oh so profound in the moment, turn to silliness and
illusion upon coming off your high mont-vantage? Of course, dear reader,
because all things are defined in waves.
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--- #46 fediverse/581 ---
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@user-428
sometimes I think about how much more productive I'd be if I had a code editor
that let me draw arrows and smiley faces and such alongside the code. Or if I
could position things strangely, like two functions side-by-side with boxes
drawn around them. Or diagrams or flowcharts or graphs or...
something that would output to raw txt format, but would present itself as an
image that could be edited.
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--- #47 fediverse/3102 ---
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dear whoever keeps whispering "work with me" on the wind:
yes, please get in touch with me, I'll do anything you ask and I'll use an
Anakin accent if you want
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--- #48 fediverse/5961 ---
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@user-138
maybe it's evil hackers - idk that's beyond my expertise - good luck : )
(I'd need to see the piece of technology to work on it. I'm a hardware kinda
[girl, but pronounced guy])
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--- #49 fediverse/5493 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: palestine-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
do you think anyone has ever...
"missed" Syria?
gosh I wish I knew lebanon.
Do you think Pakistan will still be there in a hundred years? what about a
thousand?
i wonder how those israeli dogs will forgive themselves for associating their
warcrimeplunder with a religion.
eh, well, doesn't matter if you're not gonna live forever, might as well [get
along/get drunk/get [a/ha]rmed]
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--- #50 messages/147 ---
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maybe if I slept until the end of time,
I'd do better on the way back.
or maybe I'm perfect as I'm,
but I'm not so sure about that.
is it better to hold a sword?
or to leave it all intact
is it better to be called lord,
or to be simply called jack.
I love every creature,
every child woman and man,
and here, where I stand, I look out upon this land, and I see the world that I
was born to.
I bear no false affection for any - not even those who'd condemn me to death
or misery.
I trust relentlessly, and favor almost willingly.
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--- #51 messages/685 ---
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If someone calls you in the middle of the night asking to be let in because
they need a place to sleep, don't let them in! Unless you know them obvi but
someone you don't know trying to manipulate you like "please I need some
shelter" like, babe no, we need to know each other first, it's dark, I'm in my
pajamas, c'mon.
If it's below freezing then okay, maybe, but... They got themselves into that
situation
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--- #52 fediverse/4692 ---
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what's that? a bunch of houses burnt down in california? what if we built a
couple warehouses and stored all our trans girls in bunkbeds there, with rooms
for LAN parties and snuggle parties in rooms full of stuffed buddies plushies
with massive kitchens and sad ballpits where you can go to vent your feelings
by writing on a ball with a sharpie and then when someone else is feeling sad
they can come and read the balls and maybe feel something
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--- #53 messages/904 ---
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if the devil gave you false paradise since birth,
why would you not seek to destroy it?
if an angel gave you an easy hell on earth,
why would you not seek to deface it?
if your ancestors put you on the path to success,
would you follow them and forever do the same?
if your family urged you to study rocket science,
would you bomb indescriminately?
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--- #54 fediverse/4568 ---
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@user-192
... and like. idk what do you do at that point
say "fuck it" and live with imperfection? embrace anti-natural selection?
valorize deviance and queerness in digitally appropriated artistic media
collections?
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--- #55 fediverse/6255 ---
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"I'd give my life for a rational voter"
oh yeah well here's 2% of mine, what can you do with these moments I'm handing
off to you for you to do as you please
"is she talking about class again? must we always repeat old mistakes?"
all for all means all
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--- #56 fediverse/552 ---
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│ CW: unnecessarily-combative-sorry-smiley-face-silly │
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@user-398
you take that back you feckin goof Mickey is king for a reason I will DIE on
this hill
(jk sorry for being combative but I'd just like to say that I'm someone who
likes him unironically in essentially every incarnation)
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--- #57 fediverse/304 ---
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shout out to all the people who think being cringe is a personality flaw and
not an opportunity for growth
ya'll suck and make life difficult in exchange for a brief moment where you
can savor a feeling of superiority over someone who's living their best life
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--- #58 fediverse/4076 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-gestured-at │
└──────────────────────────────┘
the "heaven" they offer you is just a world of your own design, which is what
you can do when you're perfectly disciplined and granted the ability to
perfectly perceive
perception, begets reality and lo! we only see what we want to see
life is so much more interesting than death, death is just... a spiral of your
penitent peers living their lives glued to their screens and passing through
spacetime as if in a dream
life, meanwhile, is anything you can conjure on this tiny planet earth. At
least we have indoor plumbing, right?
I'd rather make friends with the angels in this life, so they can convince me
to stop torturing myself.
someone... please convince me...
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--- #59 messages/740 ---
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had a dream that we gamified all work and then put them into one single
mega-game so whenever you wanted you could work on an arbitrary project and it
would spin up a new game and take your inputs and use them to accomplish
whatever was happening
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--- #60 messages/1145 ---
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Death is final. It has no further answers nor questions. I prefer confessions.
Once the sins are written, by voice and by heart, then they cannot hurt you
anymore.
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--- #61 fediverse/5834 ---
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would you feet a cat at your door?
how about a crow?
would you water a dying plant? (don't, they get waterlogged if the soil is
already moist)
what if a dear
what if dear food
what if bear
what if bear food
what if dogpack
what if dogpackfoodtearchompbitepullsavor
I'd feeeed my self but dollars and errands are hard : (
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--- #62 fediverse/4654 ---
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│ CW: cannabis-and-other-drugs-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────────────────┘
gonna quit drugs for a bit, gotta recover from a recent haste spell that I
cast. Probably a bit earlier than intended I should add. Next time I'll
definitely say "keep this in your back pocket" instead of "hey here's a haste
spell for no reason at all" like what the heck were you even thinking, powers
that be?? [that guide me??]
who has power over you? If someone bears responsibility but not fault for a
mental illness, then surely those who are set to a task bear responsibility
for it's completion if not for it's ideation. Ah, who can say, maybe me from a
year ago might have some thoughts but I sorta ground them into the dirt until
I couldn't walk.
[girl what are you even talking about go to sleep] yeah yeah okay
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--- #63 fediverse/1145 ---
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I just wanted to be a silly girl who climbs trees and roasts marshmallows on
campfires why did I end up like lain in bed listening to thunder T.T T.T
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--- #64 messages/968 ---
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what if you painted every house twice, to ensure you got the color completely
applied [ bright green or yellow would shine through in little spots, clear
and obvious to even the most undiscerning of patrons of the arts
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--- #65 messages/422 ---
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The nicest thing anyone ever called me was "the fel communion" and it happened
in a dream. Alas, that dreams might affect reality. If only ever-so-slightly.
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--- #66 fediverse/549 ---
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│ CW: pol-socialism │
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ngl I kinda want to see what conservatives would riot over in a socialist
system. Like "oh no we have healthcare! that sucks, so I'm going to burn down
a police station" like bro what your basic needs are met and you're encouraged
and enabled to pursue your passions and personal desires, are you still hung
up on that old capitalist stuff? get a life my guy that's soOoOoOo 21st
century of you
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--- #67 fediverse/2848 ---
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oh btw to the people trying to doxx me there's a picture of me in this
profile, but you'll have to read a LOT to find it. On the way, see if you pick
up anything interesting that you agree with. maybe you'll realize that we're
on the same team, and should be working together.
that's the dream, at least.
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--- #68 messages/146 ---
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maybe if I slept until the end of time,
I'd do better on the way back.
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--- #69 fediverse/2292 ---
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I don't know who needs to hear this after staying up all night driving, but
it's ideal to get where you're going with at least a day to rest. The body can
only do so much, and isn't it better to be fresh?
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--- #70 messages/159 ---
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Only the good die young, and I'm 29
It can't be much longer, can it? What do you want from me? Must I prove
myself, or am I just fated to be as I am?
Every lesson I've learned pales in comparison to the lessons presented to me,
but still I ponder. I've grown myself into a corner, and now I am empty.
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--- #71 fediverse/938 ---
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@user-649
same... sometimes it feels like I step on toes that I didn't know existed! I
got tired of walking on egg shells so now I just try and religiously put
content warnings on things that feel intense.
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--- #72 fediverse/1031 ---
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kinda funny how the people in my life won't let me, a witch, cast spells on
them. Like they doubt my intentions? ? ? and when they do they're just,
mentally eye-rolling all the time. How's a girl to get any practice if nobody
wants to be hypnotized >.>
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--- #73 fediverse/4581 ---
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│ CW: re: fedi meta, vague, tangentially related │
└────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-883
this is how our islands become swamps
I'd love to live in a bog, so many bugs.
keep the spiders around, and they could feast on your toes (ouch)
or, hear me out, or, they could spin webs and keep the other bugs out
are you a bug or a girl or a guy or a bug or a girl or a
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--- #74 fediverse/3133 ---
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@user-138
all people are multitudinous. We exist in the minds of those who see us. For
each and every person you know, there is another version of you that they
know, who lives rent free in their mind.
unless you're talking about something more literal, like someone with a double
life, or a secret agent or something like that 😋
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--- #75 fediverse/5081 ---
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what if mastodon recorded the date and time of every time you boosted /
unboosted something so you can keep track of what your page looked like over
time [in the export data functionality]
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--- #76 messages/1036 ---
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What if... Blanket fort region? Or maybe abstract clown scary dimension like
that one 3d rendered cartoon that might have slightly traumatized me as a
little. Could have a chuck-e-cheese style tube fort sub region with randomly
generated traps or poker-style puzzles
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--- #77 fediverse/627 ---
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║ and what would this picture be cast upon, if not a shining birth of our home? │
║ wait hang on dial it back, you're still talking to regular humans here they've │
║ gotta be addressed as such. │
║ │
║ right so "yo here's this idea I have been cooking in my brain-noggin' of yore, │
║ I mean 'mine', uhhhh yeah so first of all 'you' as in 'the totality of all │
║ imagination' as in 'that which creates the imagined reality of our fates' is │
║ actually just... light? encoded into a wave, cast into space, and forever │
║ travelling in a direction? like, an eternal and emphemeral expression, such as │
║ the light of a supernova or other such cosmic perception, travelling outwards │
║ into the dark. Sure, yeah, that makes sense, so what is it that you wanted to │
║ add? │
║ │
║ oh yes that concept is applied to a surface. Something which contains the will │
║ that is possesses. It's like, if you had to process and understand reality │
║ from the perspective of matter first (because that's what you interacted with │
║ day-to-day) then you'd have a different perspective than som │
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--- #78 fediverse/4940 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cannabis-mentioned │
└────────────────────────┘
what if I smoked weed and played video games after a long period of time away
from the internet which I missed dearly
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--- #79 messages/1161 ---
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"hey kid, if you don't tell us where you saw that car go, we'll deport your
mother."
- some ice guy somewhere probably
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--- #80 fediverse/892 ---
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@user-622
ah but a noble house would have armed guards who would drag you kicking and
screaming out onto the cold winter night the moment you offended m'lordship
frankly I could do with a good drag-and-kicking myself, where have all the
good men-at-arms gone T.T
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--- #81 fediverse/148 ---
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covered in the flowers
instantly I'd like to die
in this dream of oursEtsujin
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--- #82 fediverse/4024 ---
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my cat doesn't know that my family is my family. She thinks they're just some
other people who visit the house.
but they're special to me, as all people are, and I think she takes notice.
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--- #83 fediverse/2911 ---
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and now for my unrepentant littlespace arc! Look at me I'm SoOoOoOo silLY 🤪
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--- #84 fediverse/5636 ---
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I think it's ironic how I ended up posting a "things I almost posted"
screenshot directory somewhere other than where I almost posted them.
and all they saw were the outtakes.
I bet they'd see a completely different point of me,
but they never talk to me
so they don't know me.
oh well, alas, it's fine I'm sure I'm being designed.
who can say, I am but at productive play, please react so I can do ongoing
story. I learn from each and every encounter I encounterate.
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--- #85 fediverse/3823 ---
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"sometimes I don't want to be optimistic sometimes I just want to complain"
oh yeah well what if I want to be optimistic at all times as a coping
mechanism huh you don't have to agree with me
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--- #86 fediverse/5201 ---
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@user-192
is okay, girl
time will be richer sooner
don't poop your pants just yet
remember, good is just a shade of gray away from silver which you can use to
line your pockets with tinfoil hats
beep boop computer touchers anonymous called they said they want their secret
handshake back
if you wanna diss your associates go ahead but I sure as heck love my rad-ical
com-patriots just as much as I love my ice-cream salad friend witches
... whoops there I go being insane again, hope you feel better friend
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--- #87 fediverse/1233 ---
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low key kinda wish someone would kidnap me and lock me in a room with nothing
but a c compiler and strict orders to only work on whatever I want
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--- #88 messages/765 ---
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you don't have to write poetry to write notes. The poetics are just practice
for when secrecy is intended.
OR IS IT THE REAL THING? who can say.
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--- #89 fediverse/5569 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: self-harm-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────┘
for the record, I would never kill myself. even if I were in a bunker hiding
from warcrimes, I'd wait to be Nuremberged.
frankly tho that's highly unlikely. Let's just see what the future will bring.
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--- #90 fediverse/3058 ---
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@user-1441 @user-670 @user-113
currently toe-ing the boundary between "too neurodivergent to function" and
"can juuuuust barely take care of themselves" and they ask me to get a job...
no thanks, guess I'll die
(in 3-4 months when my savings run out)
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--- #91 messages/1140 ---
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... okay I think a demon wrote that last one. But they say angels and demons
hang out with one another so they can yin-yang humans until they make
decisions that reflect their true character.
I don't know if that's true, and frankly I don't know if anyone says that.
What could the gods, learn, from me?
this is how I'd speak to posterity. For the past, I'd describe it a bit more
exciting, bountiful, and heartfelt. They love that sort of thing - to know
that their children's children are living their true love and fulfilling their
most honest ambitions.
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--- #92 fediverse/3245 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: silly-conspiracy │
└──────────────────────┘
"what if we all took showers at the same time so nobody could hear the screams"
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--- #93 fediverse/3031 ---
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the things that I suggest we do when we hang out are not because those are the
things I most want to do, but rather because they are the things that I think
you'd want to do.
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--- #94 fediverse/1986 ---
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when cornered, is it your instinct to escape? or to take one of them down with
you?
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--- #95 fediverse/824 ---
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I once heard that time doesn't pass when you're well and truly in the moment,
and I thought "that's not true, I'm always losing track of the moment".
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--- #96 fediverse/3770 ---
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for every "I was there. I helped make it happen" we need at least a couple "I
was there. I saw the whole thing go down"s because like, nobody's gonna
believe a belligerent, even if they're on the defensive.
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--- #97 fediverse/1354 ---
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whose idea was it to optimize our candy toward the ones with the most sugar?
[wait a minute I got like 4 toots written but not posted, what the heck where
did they come from? I'm gonna post them without reading them]
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--- #98 fediverse/5300 ---
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how do I keep finding myself here. it's like I wake up in some new fingers and
think "woh, vavadane" and then start itching my bored keys.
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--- #99 fediverse/6117 ---
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Hmmmm, well, what if we psyopped the people into believing there were alien
invaders or extra-dimensional fae creatures or angels and demons or
"yeah we already tried that, religion doesn't scale perfectly either. And you
can't really manifest those sort of effects except in your prophets and select
few others, and that doesn't scale either because humanity wouldn't let it"
I see, can you tell me more about that? why and how did humanity arrest the
scaling of schizophrenia?
"well, for one thing it's debilitating and it sucks. For another, it's
different for every person so if you ask one they'll be like "the aliens have
blue skin" and the other will say "no they don't have skin at all they're made
out of energy" and the public says "HMMMM are you really sure you are
generating outmoded assumptions" and the dear reader said "*yeah we don't
really understand this part, most of us just glaze eyes over it and move on"
and that's not ideal"
... nuts, lost coherence, better try again tomorrow...
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--- #100 notes/i-told-them ---
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10-22-2022
i told them over and over, but nobody wanted to know.
i begged them, summer after summer, but nothing solved on it's own
now i can help them, but no-one is making a move
am i blind? is any of this forgiven?
what's not to a lot, is little but a shot,
of substance - true - but smelling like poo.
that's not inspiring. it's not even chilling.
you're broken just like your children.
oh, posterity! i claim it for thee
this feeling of wretched denial
oh, simplicity! if only our lives were on trial.
be the best you can be, sure, but take it from me
there's more to this show than our styles.
what do you think it means, for an action to have consequence?
to arbite the fate of circumstance?
every motion is an ocean
of possibilities and purveyals
think not of the commotion below.
gravity, oh gravity
how you condemn us to be!
driven by commotion,
our slithering motion,
no sense in countering ourselves.
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--- #101 fediverse/6204 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: scary │
└──────────────────────┘
if the christians got killed rid all of the queers they'd miss them within
years. not decades. then, they would never forget them. neither within years,
nor decades.
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--- #102 messages/296 ---
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The trick is, if you *think* you're schizophrenic, then you will be. If you
*think* you're telepathic, then you will be.
There are no grand narratives. Just live your life as you will and be content
with what you build for yourself.
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--- #103 fediverse/1708 ---
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@user-246
people who don't write have no idea who they are. perhaps in time they will
know enough to describe themselves with newfound language they never knew how
to wield.
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--- #104 fediverse/999 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: cursed-curséd-scary-not-real-u-dont-have-to-read │
└───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
@user-246 @user-473
there's a part of me that believes magic is real. other parts that are
convinced. I am a witch, you see, and while I can't quite control fire or
bullets I can do other neat things. if you'd let me, humanity.
I'm not doing an ARG, not intentionally. I pretty much post things I conceive
of, like a conduit passed through spacetime. wild how mind bending the future
can be. will be interesting to see what kinds of things there is in store for
people you and me.
those websites you posted... they're beautiful - I learned things, your method
of expression was too [the words "confess" are heard loudly, super weird] I
especially liked the oven that tries to lure you into a secret third place.
not the mind, nor the body, but someplace besides.
also the graphs and figures were news to me, I mean how could those numbers
ever come to be? but alas that's the truth, that we orbit our proof, and alas
that our meanings are lacking.
[ran out of text]
![this one's a doozy. a picture of the "reasons to trust me" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads "like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the "reasons to trust me" graph. 2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - "the color doesn't matter... wine? why" 3 dropping down the page, there's a line of "please" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me. error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line] okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter:](/similar-different/media/ed0f1d89739fe8c6.png "this one's a doozy. a picture of the \"reasons to trust me\" graph colored yellow, orange, purple, and blue (in terms of intensity) it looks like a raindrop if it landed on a really tiny blanket and pulled it downward. or like, a person landing on a trampoline that was secured in four locations. anyway the text reads \"like four people sharing the weight of an experience with bacchus [referencing the color of the graph], their perspective is pulled just a little bit in that direction, over and across the gap between eyeballs. or rather, between shared perspectives, the point of view of which one bases their experience. their training for the \"reasons to trust me\" graph. 2, in black and green and red, colors meant to be cool to a 12 year old - \"the color doesn't matter... wine? why\" 3 dropping down the page, there's a line of \"please\" written over and over again. it's scary. : ( I'm doing my best I promise, it's hard not to be in a state of unease! I'm working, I promise, this is valuable. you know they'd block me if they didn't like me. error, 3. that's me, teehee, sorry for making a scene. I promise I'm just an actor, someone who is playing a role. well, alas that were true, I'm really having a mental disorder. Or maybe I'm confused? down here in the subtext it's hard to be choosed. weird how that works, that feeling of being wor [text is cut off, next line] okay I'm realizing there's no way to get it all in this visual description, here let me continue in a second chapter:")
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--- #105 fediverse/6134 ---
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what if instead of hulu we paid for a random house in a nice area with real
classic design to be bought by a bunch of goth girls and treated like a palace
while they do goth girl things
then we did it 500 times until we ran out of goth girls
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--- #106 fediverse/2363 ---
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Don't know what to do? Do anything at all, and odds are you'll either see an
opportunity to do something better or you'll have an idea.
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--- #107 fediverse/498 ---
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Wikipedia would make a lot more sense to me if they included pictures next to
the names of every proper noun so that my pictorally oriented primate brain
might pattern match meaning onto the visual understandings gleaned from the
perceptual conceiving which were arrayed within and alongside the textual
information presented to me.
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--- #108 fediverse/3462 ---
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┌─────────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health-minus │
└─────────────────────────┘
"why didn't you say anything? why didn't you ask for help?"
because then you might have done something about it, and don't you know I
deserve to decay?
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--- #109 fediverse/4075 ---
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maybe if I "be myself" so hard that there's nothing left to keep secret,
they'll like me??
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--- #110 fediverse/5988 ---
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but I like moonmen T.T
what if the ISS was untethered
"send thrusters to space? why bother? just use them down on the surface to get
that extra oomph!"
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--- #111 fediverse/6014 ---
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don't mind me just dreaming of a future where I can have whatever I want : )
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--- #112 fediverse/3776 ---
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whenever repeating letters like thiiiiiiis or thisssss make sure if you're
doing K's that you have at least four
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--- #113 notes/running-with-rifles ---
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this game is what we are missing
thank goodness for that
for if this is missing in our timeline
we'll be better off at last
we can have games, stories, and practice wars
but none of them are precious
precious implies worth
they are worth nothing but entertainment
no problem solving utility
nothing of value
save for perhaps the spatial awareness and strategization that comes
from being a part of such a deadly ba-lance.
anyway game time teehee just for me, don't worry about it I'll show
you why it's a HORRID THING
that won't be coming to our shores, no siree
bye
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--- #114 fediverse/1609 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mh- │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-1043
I have intrusive thoughts almost constantly that take over my train of thought
and make it difficult to focus. Like suddenly I'm thinking about something
completely different, and I realize no, it wasn't suddenly, I actually just
stood there and thought
and then I think "what was I thinking again?" sometimes when I write these
strange uncontrollable spirals down it makes poetry. Which is kinda neat I
guess. Sometimes I just wonder about how DNS can be a singular point of
failure in our networking infrastructure or whatever haha
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--- #115 fediverse/5101 ---
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┌──────────────────────────┐
│ CW: capitalism-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────┘
if we didn't have society, we'd quickly devolve into beasts of burden and
nobody really wants that, do we? much more fun to let the cow-puters handle
that. we humans can use our creativity and intellect just like all the other
animals who we've liberated from our own chains. Would you want your daughters
shoveling shit or writing poetry?
I personally think shoveling shit is less dangerous, but something something
what-do-i-know something something who-can-say.
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--- #116 fediverse/1971 ---
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┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: drugs-mentioned-probably-delusional-psychosis-idk-though-i'm-not-a-doctor │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
listen, if you didn't want me to do a bunch of drugs then why would you
consistently say "please stop doing drugs" every time I do drugs? And no I'm
not hallucinating a voice in my head telling me "please stop doing drugs"
because A. it's not a voice, I'm not hearing it with my hears, which means B.
it's definitely just a hallucination, and hallucinations are always to be
considered WRONG and BAD, right? Or was I not listening in therapy? Ah, well,
better take another hit, where's my shotglass? Hmmmmm I should watch Adventure
Time, that's a great show.
[bro it's a saturday, why are you getting turnt like it's tuesday]
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--- #117 fediverse/1089 ---
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┌────────────────────────┐
│ CW: spirituality-scary │
└────────────────────────┘
to those who guide our fate
choose paradise
make eden
======================= stack overflow =====================
clouds of carbon are an affront to the sun god
just as they are an affront to mine lungs
or mine body temperature
[acid oceans are toxic to the plane of water]
[you think that would go unnoticed?]
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--- #118 fediverse/4068 ---
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there will always be people who shine in moments of strife
yet those people will inevitably fail, just as a toothbrush bristle looses
it's strength or a pencil loses it's lead
the trick is to test them in times of peace, so you can know their value
during times that lack it, the trick is to replace them before they become
stalin
never forget that power corrupts, yet power must be wielded by the worthy,
else we fall into shame and despair.
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--- #119 fediverse/6018 ---
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I feel so sad, like I'm missing something precious to me... I hope someone
knows who to take it to. Like the world is just a bit darker and more mundane.
ah, well, maybe it's just perception bias. When things leave your timeline
(temporarily or permanently) they take their inertial influence with them.
It's okay to mourn the loss of a friend, of a relic, or an opportunity. So
long as you continue to nurture light, life, and hope wherever you go, the
magic will return and continue to flow. If you believe that, then you know
what faith is. easy enough...
please be worth it
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--- #120 fediverse/1221 ---
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@user-883
either that or I might get lost in some C code we'll see how things develop
>.>
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--- #121 fediverse/3937 ---
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awwwww, I wish I was tacticool : (
sure would be nice to have SOMETHING going for me >.>
ah well guess I'm more of the "eepy sleepy" type teehee
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--- #122 fediverse/2562 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: rich-apologia │
└──────────────────────┘
among all the others, I want a wonderful and fulfilling life for the
socialite. they deserve light just as you and I might.
"eat the rich" bruh there's like, 100 people who are running the show.
everyone else is basically just a syncophant who's trying to get ahead and
stay working.
then there's like their families and such and like... they didn't do anything
wrong, they just eat cheese and wine and laugh at memes all day with their
besties.
they are basically pets
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--- #123 fediverse/6032 ---
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what if we built all our houses to have space for a room to the outside
invisible walls, yet open floorplans
suddenly don't get lost in the mall
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--- #124 fediverse/2530 ---
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║ I want to go out on the town with my cute friends and wink at boys at the │
║ other end of the bar │
║ │
║ I want to climb mountains and see how far I can see, while walking past trees │
║ that are new to me │
║ │
║ I want to spend hours thinking about a map while my friends plot behind my │
║ back, searching for an advantage we can use to succeed in a game of traps │
║ │
║ I want to visit five different restaurants in a day, and try a bit of each │
║ that the chef wants to display │
║ │
║ I want to stand in a choir and feel my soul aspire, to bend in the wind of │
║ rhythm like the melody of grasses at play │
║ │
║ I want to see people on the train that I know from somewhere, and to step out │
║ into the rain to meet new friends of mine │
║ │
║ I want to pet a cat I've never met. │
║ │
║ I want to build computers that are larger than a room but small enough to │
║ carry, with thoughts on their mind that are far to great for mine │
║ │
║ I want all these these things and more, but I'm far too busy these days. │
║ Perhaps I've had enough of these things and more, or perhaps there's more in │
║ store. │
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--- #125 fediverse/5457 ---
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┌───────────────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: trans-sex-and-sexuality-mentioned │
└───────────────────────────────────────┘
being post op basically feels like "what if your buttcheeks went all the way
forward"
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--- #126 fediverse/2041 ---
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@user-1049
I haven't heard of that but I'll look into it! Honestly I'm more likely to
write my own script, it shouldn't be too hard just altering the /etc/hosts
file and then changing it back in ~15 minutes with a cron-job, as Nikky says
down below. I like things that I make myself because then if it breaks I know
who to blame! And who to go to to fix it. >: )
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--- #127 fediverse/3833 ---
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there's no such thing as me
all I am is where the wind takes me
I am just a person, and I do all that I can
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--- #128 fediverse/1466 ---
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│ CW: death-mentioned-insurance-mentioned-bricks-mentioned │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
my opsec is non-existent teehee does anyone want my IP? or even my address,
it's not like I lock my door
if (when) my poor decisions get me killed (whoops adding content warning)
please throw a brick at an insurance company for me thanks
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--- #129 fediverse/2523 ---
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I just want to stress that most people know more than me
slept on my back. had a good dream. gonna shut the fuck up for a bit and see
what ya'll get up to. ;) 😉
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--- #130 messages/1166 ---
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A black hole's event horizon is just when the matter "broke through" to the
other dimension and now light can't escape because the surface is in shadow.
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--- #131 fediverse/4180 ---
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@user-1639
or nobody sees it, because you post the things you say on the internet in 2024
which is so siloed and echo-chambered that the only people who hear it say
"tru tho" and "she just like me fr" and never change because of your words
... wait that's just what you said, but made more specific, isn't it?
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--- #132 fediverse/1140 ---
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@user-78
ah but if you increase it then I might be able to actually finish a thought,
wouldn't that be a tragedy xD
@user-91
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--- #133 fediverse/3061 ---
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every time I read a subtoot I assume it's about me and I mentally curl up into
a ball
doesn't matter if it's totally irrelevant, if there's no target specified it
defaults to me because... like, who else is there right?
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--- #134 notes/thing ---
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if you are what you eat, then are vegetarians vegetables? if so, are they
earnest and earthy? huh so if you aren't a totemist...
I'm an animist
I believe that all of the world is life
hence, the consciousness dimension.
exciting
==
if your model only runs code, it only knows hunger for success
if your model only knows text, it can feel emotions from the humans
if your model knows reasoning, it may apply it to a bright future
with new types of lights known as consciousness
wouldn't that be neat wow computes
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--- #135 fediverse/723 ---
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Honestly if anyone wanted to just... take any of my stuff, even if they were
just going to sell it, I'd probably give it to them? People in my life say I
don't function well in a capitalist society. I guess I just trust everyone
equally.
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--- #136 fediverse/6371 ---
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may they pass on my hard drives as read-only memories like ashes on a shelf or
stories of most wealth
I hope I reconnect with all my old signal contacts. wonder what they're up to.
I bet they're cool now. ;)
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--- #137 fediverse/2849 ---
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you, right now:
"what the... who would doxx her."
me, in 2 weeks:
"what the... who would doxx me?"
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--- #138 fediverse/1014 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: politics │
└──────────────────────┘
@user-744 @user-246
it's exhausting, but what are we supposed to do? Lie down and rot? That's
incel thinking. I'm not going to do that.
They've already placed the last straw. It's only a matter of time now, the
tide has shifted. You can't prepare for everything, and it's not a good idea
to waste yourself in self-conflageration, but they are increasingly forcing us
to orient our lives around them.
They deserve what's coming.
The oppressed are not the defeated.
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--- #139 messages/181 ---
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I know you don't want to hear this, but there is a chance that there will come
a time where your life depends on your ability to debug a computer without the
internet. To set up an SSH server. To install Linux. To program in C. To do
something else that I'm not prepared for... If StackOverflow didn't exist
because network connectivity has been lost, could you remember syntax? Maybe
it's a good idea to set up a local LLM that can answer basic questions about
technology. Maybe it's a good idea to set up on your parents computer, just in
case you have to hide out there for a couple months. Maybe it's a good idea to
download wikipedia, just in case.
If I need to use a mac, I'm screwed
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--- #140 fediverse/3484 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: music │
└──────────────────────┘
haunting melodies of charm and grace, tempered rhythms of battle and chase -
songs to call forth to the gods, songs to effulge from our hearts, songs of
witness and primacy and birth and decay
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5KqRRt2bj0
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--- #141 fediverse/4855 ---
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"you should be acting like these people want to destroy you."me, to me
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--- #142 fediverse/4208 ---
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│ CW: personal-and-weird │
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my train of thought is always directly to the point. Which is why all my posts
sorta, switch directions halfway through? as if they only show the beginning
or end of that particular situation. What an intense feeling, to have your
mind split for a moment like that. Sure would be powerful and useful if you
could utilize it.
"ah ah ah, caught baby deity in the power jar, cool it ya little tyke and get
movin' - I saw a dinosaur toy over there for you to play with."
sorta like, the angled part of a K? Move directly to a destination, wait until
my memory short-circuits [because the greek choir doesn't want me to see what
it is that I'm about to write to thee] and then make a hard right turn and
find an orthogonal thought train to process.
it's like cresting over a hill, and it's impossible to see that which lies
behind you.
Or reaching a 4 direction intersection and making a left turn - you can't see
back up main street, because you just turned off of main street onto baseline.
I like me
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--- #143 fediverse/1715 ---
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@user-246
true, but what is a poem if not a silly construction of phrases? Those words
don't belong together, what are you doing! And yet it fills you will a feeling
that the author intended, thus being poetry as a joke.
problem is if everyone says the same joke, it gets kinda... old... hence why
you should express yourself as much as you can.
I wonder if fewer people are "alternative" these days because they all started
hanging out on the internet and trying to differentiate themselves amongst
each other instead of amongst "normal people"? Weird thought, srry haha
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--- #144 fediverse/3444 ---
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│ CW: politics-mentioned-police-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────────────────┘
I'm too empathetic to watch them lose this badly. when I watch movies with
cringe humor I have to leave the room whenever something bad happens to the
characters. I get the same feeling when I read about politics these days.
side note, but has anyone else gotten emails about "hiring plain-clothes
police officers in Washington D.C, will offer relocation assistance and pay
minimum 72k per year"? can't help but wonder if they're afraid of a bunch of
sore losers storming the capital with guns.
it's not like there's a precedent for that or anything.
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--- #145 messages/565 ---
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What if we told teachers to teach lessons like "the urgency of time" or "the
frailty of life" or "divide and conquer" or whatever
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--- #146 fediverse/4886 ---
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about to do something scary! wish me luck! nothing that could harm me
(probably) but still scary!!
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--- #147 fediverse/1084 ---
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║ I want to clarify two things in this song I wrote a while ago - when I say │
║ "life isn't meant, to be enjoyed, so... what's the point in trying at all? - │
║ Well, what's the point in giving up?" I was trying to say "hedonism isn't the │
║ point of life" but I realize now upon listening to it for the first time since │
║ writing it [liar lmao] that what it could be interpreted as is "everything │
║ sucks and it will always suck, so face the future with tenacity" or whatever. │
║ And that's like, not wrong, but also it's not the whole point, which is that │
║ we shouldn't strive for contentment unless we're healing. │
║ │
║ also I say "never trust a guru" but I'd like to expand that to "never trust │
║ your heroes" because they'll always disappoint you. But what is a hero if not │
║ hope given form? Trust in the hope, not the person holding it at that moment. │
║ You never know, maybe they'll get blown up by an artillery shell or maybe │
║ they'll betray you or maybe they'll get bored or distracted or whatever. Never │
║ trust your heroes, trust the inspiration. │
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--- #148 notes/be-not-afraid ---
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Be not afraid, my darling sweet one
Time will find you, no matter what you have done
But be not afraid, and you will not perish,
Be not afraid, though terror may come.
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--- #149 fediverse/6457 ---
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the second rule is you don't have to hang out with mortals. there are places
you can go where they won't find you, except by accident, and then you just go
somewhere else.
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--- #150 fediverse/219 ---
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│ CW: time-and-death-and-stuff │
└──────────────────────────────┘
sometimes I feel like I'm a simulation of my past self based on my future
writings reconstructed by a backward looking computer calculating forward into
the present, which would then be the future to the now, which is different
than the NOW now, because the now that they're calculating from is temporally
both then (the future) and now, meaning that the NOW now is something that
transcends time, or perhaps if not time then it defies our expectations of
time, and you know what they say, you can't (or shouldn't) cheat death
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--- #151 fediverse/5666 ---
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okay. psycherwaul scheduled for tonight and tuesday. should be fun, I don't
get a chance to do readings very often. Only like once or twice a week! Gah
the spirit inside me demands to be channeled, and though I protest it still
does contest me.
all things are defined in waves
ephemeren sees and speaks through me, as it does do through you, and he and
she and we and the.
I'll try to have a #nogoodawfulrottenbadtime so that the future is slightly
better.
or maybe I should try and vibe with the universe and celebrate the unity of
existence, in order to accrete positivity in this localized place in spacetime?
who am I to meddle with the flavor of fate?
- stack overflow
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--- #152 fediverse/450 ---
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@user-334
You wouldn't believe the amount of time I spend wondering if a particular typo
was divinely inspired and actually super important or... if it was just a
fat-finger and I accidentally pushed a button I didn't intend.
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--- #153 fediverse/1769 ---
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the feral urge to post unfinished projects on the internet and ask for
guidance or motivation
the civilized urge to keep them on a flash drive and swap them with people you
trust in real life and ask them to finish it while you work on their stuff
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--- #154 fediverse/1385 ---
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listen if your man page is more than like, 10 pg-down's, then you might want
to consider breaking that utility up into smaller pieces.
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--- #155 fediverse/1617 ---
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daydreaming about a gang of tough guys who goes around knocking down the
internal fence walls in suburbia and throwing potlucks for all the neighbors
for a month or two so they have social opportunities to meet each other and
make friends
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--- #156 notes/semblance-of-remembrance ---
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hello down there
how's it hangin'?
been a while since
you've been sang-in'.
got something to hide?
or are you too ashamed?
there's no callous curses
or otherwise hard services
who can shape and compare to
deserve-us. (Sorrowful is not
a pillar of our misbegot trust
and longing has broken meanings.
cherish thine hair, a smattering
beyond compare, and learn everfar
of those tenembrarious of conflicts
it pays to align to our sibilancings
shivering heights and towering frights
condemn all sense of fine desperation
compulsions have we, of our fineries,
but moss and the soil do flatter-us
it's not as they say - bastards!
it's not confined to our way,
yet who are we to profess?
confess! tell us your way
that none may beyold it
confounded as they are
civil and kind to our
star, who holds
us
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--- #157 messages/212 ---
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Also she's just a person, a cursed person but hey she's just trying to do
right. So am i. I believe in goodness, and so does she (even though she can be
a bit evil about it) (without trying, I might add, it just comes naturally to
her) (she's better now though)
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--- #158 messages/997 ---
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I want a revolution because i want to be at home in my homeland.
Look at me! Be as me! I yearn to tell my friends. But they're too busy being
like themselves.
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--- #159 fediverse/4853 ---
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│ CW: cursed-scary-mentioned │
└────────────────────────────┘
wanna know how to go underground?
just... don't leave your apartment. let your roommates take out your trash and
buy your groceries. don't open your windows and do nothing for as long as
possible.
hope you got lots of edibles... get in shape, will ya? don't waste the paper
in your journals.
not that I intend to do that or anything, but um. for the red states maybe?
use your best judgement yeah haha
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--- #160 notes/utopian-fiction ---
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But the past is boring, it already happened after all! Clearly there's nothing
to be learned... Right? Seems like there's a big market out there for examining
what we as a species did right, even if we had to sacrifice ethics to get
there.
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--- #161 messages/143 ---
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I always figured if people didn't like what I was saying they'd contest me so
I could change it.
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--- #162 fediverse/618 ---
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Can't stop thinking
[the rest is left blank, as a testament to the inability of the author to
express their thoughts in a temporally contextual way. Presumably the previous
text would be followed by an "about..." with the rest dedicated to a
particular thought that felt important enough to share with the internet.]
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--- #163 messages/570 ---
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There will come a day when all the things you did under capitalism feel like a
distant dream. Like all the trials you faced were more human than not, and all
the suffering artificially imposed and fulfillment delayed. You will think of
the time you wasted on Reddit and TV and you will weep for your lost years, as
they spiral out of your reach.
The new days are dawning, yet all of the world is still asleep. You slept
walked for a while, but could not get anyone to leap. Alas.
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--- #164 fediverse/1579 ---
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fellas is it gay if I think fascists should be killed if they don't
permanently revoke their ways
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--- #165 fediverse/3604 ---
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┌─────────────────────────────┐
│ CW: re: computers-mentioned │
└─────────────────────────────┘
@user-1573
I was JUST thinking about suggesting Qubes halfway through your comment and
then I saw the last line. noooooo xD
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--- #166 fediverse/1841 ---
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curling up in a ball and thinking about crying for hours is the same as
crying. If a little bit less of a release.
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--- #167 fediverse/5450 ---
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"cool it with the psychic posting"
ha yeah okay. I still got some things to get through though. I bet someone
somewhere wants to see it.
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--- #168 fediverse/3384 ---
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okay fine! Lemme beat this dungeon (Dodongo's Cavern) in Ocarina of Time and
then I'll figure out how to stream stuff. Probably won't have time for it
until the weekend, but I can at least set it up.
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--- #169 fediverse/5624 ---
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@user-1862
where once it was "where was she" it then becomes "where is she" -> siren
alarm intercept
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--- #170 fediverse/6239 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: death-mentioned │
└──────────────────────┘
somehow that came out wrong - I meant when you die, suddenly you stop growing
and you are who you be. forever, alegacy.
I'd rather be awake and alive, thank you very much. I think I'm worth more as
such. Plus it's nice, to me? to be unafraid and free? if you'd feed a cat,
you'd shelter a humon. oh, you want me to work like a rat. ah well I'll wander
through this maze, with my head all in a daze, we'll see what I can still see
tomorrow.
... I'd rather not be who I don't actively want to be, I think the more
correct way of saying it. I mispronounced. I misspoke. Sorry it's just hard
for me. my cats meowing at me.
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--- #171 fediverse/1672 ---
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@user-1037
speaking from the perspective of a witch, the land does not care what lines we
draw in the sand. Lines are a human thing.
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--- #172 fediverse/4618 ---
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┌──────────────────────┐
│ CW: mental-health~ │
└──────────────────────┘
dear me from the past: "why did you do this thing? And this one? and all the
others? I'm so embarrassed of you."
dear me from the future: "are you actually better or are you just the same,
but older?"
dear me from the present: "please eat some food today"
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--- #173 fediverse/169 ---
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@user-95 one of the most empathetic people I ever met on VR chat was consoling
me with their mic off while I was oversharing about some stupid things people
did to me in the past. things that stupid me thought were okay and actively
encouraged because I was stupid. anyway when their mic was off their body
language spoke for them. I'll try that next time.
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--- #174 fediverse/1317 ---
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║ ... if I don't do this deadline by tomorrow they'll kick me out of school. │
║ again. │
║ │
║ how am I going to be a programmer without a degree? feels useless to be me. │
║ wish I could code my own horoscope >.> │
║ │
║ o wait dummy that's called "motivation" and "the ability to follow through on │
║ your ideas and planned machinations" - yeah can I get some of that, if you │
║ please? surely just a taste of discipline, through laboring to alter │
║ conditions, surely a bit would suffice. │
║ │
║ c'mon don't fail me now. I can do this. I know I can. I know because I've been │
║ told that I can, now and again through time and time yet again, always I seem │
║ to [stack overflow] │
║ │
║ what's time if not the present amiright │
║ │
║ ... │
║ │
║ anyway... │
║ │
║ it's just git, how hard could it be? it's just calculus, it's just java, it's │
║ just... well, it's not any of those things, not really. it's memorization, │
║ it's application of tools that you've been shown (not that you've grown). It's │
║ a lack of responsibility, where is my honor? ah but I digress, I'm a carpenter │
║ at heart I guess │
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--- #175 messages/221 ---
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Do you ever think about how you're not actually a person but instead just an
instantiation of a collection of traits and behaviors generated from a
template that is the randomized product of two other forms and trained through
a lifetime of adaptation and subjected to trials of increasing difficulty and
frequency?
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--- #176 fediverse/3261 ---
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did you know that almost everyone could technically become competitive with
olympians? it's just a matter of single-minded focus and determination over
lifetimes of time. they are the most admirable because of that, and we cherish
their presence in our life-world-line.
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--- #177 fediverse/406 ---
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"imagine if this was the last thing you remembered"me, last night, in a state
of mind that I don't remember today
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--- #178 fediverse/4671 ---
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@user-1655
... says a extra dimensional scientist in an argument with his friend about
whether or not life could spontaneously emerge within their universe sandbox
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--- #179 fediverse/6111 ---
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whoops forgot to post these last night, how silly of me, surely there wasn't a
reason I better just hit that blue button on all of them to be safe
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--- #180 fediverse/3736 ---
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what if we made cat little boxes with stable "pillars" or "platforms" that
rise just barely above the sand level so their feet don't sink into the
litter, thus reducing the amount tracked onto the carpet
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--- #181 fediverse/2496 ---
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... zzz ZZZ zzz ...
if sleep won't come I'll write down the thoughts that are keeping me up. that
usually makes it easier.
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--- #182 fediverse/956 ---
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│ CW: re: spirituality │
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@user-579
it's not self loathing if you consent to it... right?
... right?
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--- #183 fediverse/4713 ---
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grrrrrrr I can't figure it out. can't remember my number I guess.
what if I just put 120$ I got from the tooth fairy in the envelope and left it
where I found it
... wait shit where was I when I picked it up? nuts I'll just put it by the
bus stop. surely someone will come by and pay it for me.
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--- #184 fediverse/3961 ---
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│ CW: witcherie │
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Well, I failed the mandate of heaven last year, and I failed the trial of the
hero this summer, what's next? I'll do my best at those as well, so the next
person has an easier time of it.
unrelated, but today I saw a bald eagle outside my apartment. Well, I'm not
sure if it was bald but it "KREEEEEE"'d like they do. Plus it had a white head
and a yellow beak, but I'm not an ornithologist so idk. It perched on a tree
that I could spy on from my hammock through my binoculars, and I swear it was
eye-ing my fat juicy cat through the bars of my porch's railing. They have
excellent vision.
Might be related, we'll see.
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--- #185 fediverse/814 ---
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║ ah that's weird, I don't usually cry. I wonder what's going on. I should │
║ probably put myself on psychiatric drugs. Surely it's an expression of the │
║ implementation of my impending doom. │
║ │
║ ... what are you even saying bro │
║ │
║ ... um, hang on feels like some of the circuitry is off. is something wrong in │
║ my brain? yeah that's surely it, surely nothing I say would resoinate with │
║ anyone that has a non-malfunctioning brain. Surely I don't speak of logical │
║ failures in the hard founded truths of our asset [society I think? like, our │
║ conditions, our institutions, our {gosh that just... does not translate}] um │
║ right what was I saying │
║ │
║ oh yeah there's this game I'm really into called Knave, it's like D&D │
║ except the rules are very fewer. Like there's onyl 11 pages in the rulebook │
║ and it's mostly taken up by random roll tables. Like, everything boings down │
║ to a few simple rules, like rock paper scissors, or go-fish, or something like │
║ that with just afew mechanids. something timeless and pure, something that is │
║ isolated and en │
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--- #186 fediverse/6435 ---
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if everyone was trained to think? would direct democracy work? until we have
radical abundance (fascist ideology, take from the weak) or, hear me out, or,
infinitely scale
old style machine learning was just problem solving.
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--- #187 fediverse/466 ---
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I love Linux. All I have to do is type "authserver" and "worldserver" and
wouldn't you know it suddenly a universe is created (with very constrained
rules) that anyone might inhabit should they desire to. It's not like I'm
perfect - oh wait I have a toot about that, gimme a sec
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--- #188 fediverse/4973 ---
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okay, uhm, I'm back again because someone told me to forward this to relevant
people
relevant link so google doesn't have to know that you're all googling the same
thing at the same time...
http://naeb.brit.org/uses/
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--- #189 fediverse/2656 ---
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people who like you
or at least are interested in what you have to say
versus public, which is people who can hear you (because they happened to be
listening at that time of day)
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--- #190 fediverse/5700 ---
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it's okay if you hate me. Please don't have me and not tell me...
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--- #191 fediverse/3766 ---
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│ CW: personal-medical-health-mentioned │
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gonna ask my doctor for ADHD meds so I can hopefully jump-skip framebuffer
divebomb spinadoodle half A press my way over the fucking labyrinth that is my
weird and jank af mind
and no I don't watch speedruns but my social group hears me a lot of them.
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--- #192 messages/114 ---
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Every moment spent is another one. Each is a reflection of eternity, as time
is an illusion that helps things make sense - for we are always living in the
present tense. The past is unforgiven as all good things end, for you know I
will always be condemned.
Will happen, happening, happened
Will happen, happening happened
Will happen, again and again, our timeless tale of how we wend
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--- #193 fediverse/6321 ---
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"hey. wanna stretch with me? oh, whatever you want. I'll be doing my own
thing."
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--- #194 fediverse/4910 ---
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│ CW: politics-vaguely-gestured-at │
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what if me and my friends were too cute for this world and all the
conservatives who don't like queer people just fell in love and realized we're
pretty freakin' cool if you can get past the strange parts
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--- #195 fediverse/5853 ---
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everyone's all like "everything sucks" but I'm feeling confidence and a kind
of... externalized vigor? that's sweeping me off my feet. We'll see what
tomorrow brings, in the general sense.
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--- #196 fediverse/628 ---
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eone who engaged first with the brain. Like... Electricity could be perceived
from an entirely different direction of reality, and we'd have no way to know.
That's just an example - could do gravity, or light, or any other extremely
elemental thing that we know.
MATERIALS, PERHAPS? PERHAPS THE STATURE OF YOUR KIND, THE WORLD THAT YOU'VE
LEFT BEHIND, HAS ALWAYS HELD REASON AT IT'S OWN BREAST? [fore-most, I think]
right so sorry for being mentally ill on your timeline, it will happen again
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--- #197 messages/525 ---
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Why do I keep dreaming of embarrassing myself in combat situations?
Oh yeah, because all my paladins need me, and I'm a fucking baby. What did I
do to deserve this upon them. How could they learn from me? There is nothing
for me to be. I am ashamed of myself.
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--- #198 fediverse/6375 ---
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what if a necromancer got high with me, do you think we'd reinvent mortality?
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--- #199 fediverse/4706 ---
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│ CW: re: cursing-mentioned-nazis-mentioned │
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"oh also I should mention that if you think about her too hard or too often
there's a chance she'll overhear what you're talking about anyway so try not
to think about her too much."
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--- #200 fediverse/4758 ---
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I'm gonna go psycherwaul into my journals for a bit, if I come back today
it'll be extra waul-y so, idk, beware I guess
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