=== ANCHOR POEM ===
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 quintessential friend group:                                                     │
 the smart one                                                                    │
 the cute one                                                                     │
 the one who can swing a bat                                                      │
 the one who has a list of all the Nazis in the area because they hacked their    │
 email account and know who purchased nazi memorabilia                            │
 the friendly one who's always down to hang out                                   │
 the outdoorsy one                                                                │
 the fed                                                                          │
 the one who's always cooking something                                           │
 the one who's perfectly fine in silence                                          │
 the one who never lets a room go silent (unless everyone else wants to just      │
 chill of course - hey anyone wanna go on a walk? it's a great day)               │
 the one who's good with animals                                                  │
 the one who's smile you can't get out of your head                               │
 the one who's drop-dead gorgeous                                                 │
 and the one who's always telling her that                                        │
 the one who's friends with everyone,                                             │
 and the one who's knitting a hat                                                 │
 the one who knows each street in your city                                       │
 and the one who knows your favorite kind of candy                                │
 There's more friends than that, of which I am quite sure                         │
 Who's on your list? Who would find you if you disappeared?                       │
 Mine's got a few, fewer than this one, but few is fine.                          │
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=== SIMILARITY RANKED ===

--- #1 fediverse/1968 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐                                                        │
 │ CW: alcohol-mentioned │                                                        │
 └───────────────────────┘                                                        │
 what is it with me and buying steam games for long-lost friends while drunk?     │
 I swear I'm not depressed about my upcoming new job, I'm just doing all these    │
 drugs in such a short time period because I'm, uh... living for the the          │
 moment? Yeah that sounds good, better post that on the internet where everyone   │
 in the world can see it and read it and realize what a mess you are because      │
 you've been traumatized by employment and are about to dive back into that       │
 frigid pool after a lengthy break where you did nothing but heal and recover     │
 which is not a boon that most people are able to afford                          │
 lucky you, Ritz Menardi, lucky you for being so privileged.                      │
 But hey, those long-lost friends surely will want to hear from you! Surely.      │
 Surely you're not someone they're trying to forget. Surely you didn't hurt       │
 them, didn't twist them into knots, didn't compel them to act in ways that       │
 benefited you but not them, SURELY you're a good person, according to all the    │
 things people tell you and the results of your act                               │
                                                            ┌───────────┤
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--- #2 fediverse/5257 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: protests-mentioned-then-communism-mentioned-then-ghosts-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 what if everyone at a protest is showing up for their first time
 
 like, c'mon don't be that dull, just make plans with the people standing next
 to you.
 
 gosh why is everyone shouting I can't plan out how to divert water down a
 hillside because some jerks are singing protest chants
 
 ... wait is no-one else talking? gosh I gee sure wish someone told them to not
 do what you're told and to instead do what will get you [gold/told]
 
 the first communist internationals were basically people sitting down and
 going "okay what kind of communism should we make and where" and I think about
 that a lot while making signs to let the surveillance know what matters
 personally to me and exactly how much pressure they can apply before your
 demographic swings to contest their brutal fascist facts.
 
 --
 
 who is them and why are they watching theea provisionist's [screed/creed]
 
 --
 
 what the heck is a tryptaminea boomer aunt and uncle out on their honey/versary
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #3 fediverse/5669 ---
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 girls will do anything to find someone who gets them
 
 hence, u-haul lesbians from small towns
 
 hence, internet forums
 
 hence, political parties
 
 hence, tribalism of all kinds
 
 it's so nice to be human we get all sorts of fun things like human contact
 [capitalist alienation] nice and cozy dens [boxes on a hillside] plenty of
 food and water [full of microplastics and corn syrup] clothes to garb us in
 for fashion and warmth [sewn by slaves] and pretty trinkets and gadgets
 [forged in blood]
 
 gee I sure like being a human I'm filled with this insatiable urge to do
 better and I have no clue why 🤷‍♀️ 😋 🥰 🥺
                                                           ───────────┐
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--- #4 fediverse/4835 ---
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 sorry for posting so much, I was trying to put on a show for my girlfriend
 
 "hey check out how many posts I can make in a 2 hour timeframe"
 
 by the way if you want to start talking to someone, just start playing the
 same game they're playing and see if they reach out.
 
 doesn't matter if you feel like it
 
 just fuckin' do it
 
 if they want to talk to you they might play a game you really like
 
 (but I get boooooored of games, I don't wanna play the same 200 all life
 long!!)
 
 ugh okay fine you can have as many games as you want, just... don't buy too
 many
 
 (how many is too many?)
 
 um. use your best judgement.
 
 (how much does a dollar cost?)
 
 ... okay I'll get you one every once in a while.
 
 (neat!)
 
 ... anyway so yeah use steam if you wanna get in contact with someone,
 sometimes it's just nice to say hi, yeah, like "hey how ya doin' okay ttyl"
 just catchin' up with the gals
 
 helps because you can sense changes in their demeanor
 
 (why does everyone always have an agenda)
 
 because they're secret agents duh. And I'm
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--- #5 notes/water-to-wine ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 "is this a water party, or a wine party?"
 
 "depends on if jesus is going..."
 
 "okay I'm in, that guys so cool"
 
 "yeah totally like any party with him just... feels like a great time"
 
 "what a swell guy"
 
 "really turns the "water to wine" y'know what I mean"
 
 "yeah totes like what a guy"
 
 "absolute unit"
 
 "that guy can just do anything right"
 
 "like whoa, he's so strong he could pick up a barn"
 
 "yeah and like so handy and skillful, what a neat guy"
 
 "oh and I heard he's really good with kids and animals, that sounds neat"
 
 "yeah sounds like someone I'd surely like to meet"
 
 "we should hang out with this guy more often"
 
 "he seems pretty chill"
 
 "well. not really. He's pretty expressive. Not very low key."
 
 "true I'm just so burnt out from capitalism that-"
 
 "-yeah dude I know."
 
 "... fuck what are we gonna do about it"
 
 "I dunno man, just... go along with it I guess"
 
 "okay so uhhhh idk what that means"
 
 "just be cool and play along"
 
 "... what"
 
 "..."
 
 ...
 
 .
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--- #6 fediverse/6100 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
 if you live in a place where it rains a lot you pretty much HAVE TO pick up
 any secret notes you find. Otherwise they'll get waterlogged overnight.
 
 Sometimes I like to put them somewhere shaded from the sky, sometimes I like
 to show them to a friend (but the friend never takes them, booooo) and
 sometimes I just keep them.
 
 "ah but aren't you worried about messing up drug deals and stuff" no, because
 most of the time "secret notes" are like "eggs milk bread chips salsa cheese"
 and it's like "hmmmm what could it mean"
 
 there's like, 2% of the time when they say something cool like "I know what
 you did" or "all your base are belong to us" or whatever and those are fun to
 hunt for. I usually try and put those somewhere shelted so they don't have to
 leave their habitat - sometimes it's hard to drop them as the author so they
 just sorta go wherever, but as a random passer-by I have the luxury of saying
 "HMMMM now where could THIS ONE go?" and that's nice because I can put them
 under an umbrella or whatevers rite
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--- #7 fediverse/4159 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐                                                        │
 │ CW: mastodon-politics │                                                        │
 └───────────────────────┘                                                        │
 editing posts is great because you can say one thing, get a like or three, and   │
 suddenly you have a group chat pre-made for you. Sans notifications of course.   │
 ... that's way overkill though. who would even do that?                          │
 same people who boost one of your posts whenever they want you to look at the    │
 thing on their profile. If they want you to see the fourth thing down, they'll   │
 boost your 4th non-pinned post.                                                  │
 wow that's hardcore, who would even do that? Not me, that's for sure, I don't    │
 have time for that. (legitimately don't have the time nor the brainpower for     │
 that)                                                                            │
 also liked posts are inadmissable in court because they can say one thing,       │
 then be edited to say another, and if you liked it once then you've liked it     │
 forever.                                                                         │
 However the court of public opinion is a largely different matter, because       │
 people will generally believe anything a friend tells them.                      │
 computers are fun, aren't they? we should totally have more one-to-many          │
 posting methods that are collected in multiple locations and locally!            │
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--- #8 fediverse/1151 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: military-weapon-from-dream-for-suburbia-cursed-war-guns-ummmm-idk-what-else │
 └──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘


 saw this thing for 2 seconds in my dream last night. It's kinda cursed. I
 think the tank blew me up with a machine gun?
 
 the remaining ~10 minutes of the dream was pretty neat though. I was a secret
 agent for a bit, I got in a knife fight (which I won because I had killer
 instinct and the other guy just knew how to stab) and afterwards I retired in
 a socialist commune in a log cabin full of sunlight and warmth somewhere in
 the mountains in the forest. I was alone with others, like the hobbits after
 LotR.
 
 Also an old lady tricked me which was not nice, I was very polite with her but
 apparently "ma'am there's been a safety incident, I need to get you to a safe
 place" is not the kind thing to say to the person distracting you. >.>
 
 Also, "but we like you!" is not an excuse, the military does not care if you
 like them or not, if you're part of the modern bourgeoisie you are causing
 harm to the country. We don't look fondly on slavers.
a picture of a sleek, futuristic tank. It is smaller than I expected, and there are parts of it that appear to be made out of black glass (though I'm sure they're some form of advanced future material.)  on it's back is a large artillery piece mounted on a detachable tripod. They function as a unit when mobility is important, like mounted infantry in the past who would ride horses *to* the battle, but dismount upon arrival and engage the enemy in closer quarters than a horse would be comfortable with. But frankly, there are few indeed who are at peace in war, so perhaps we could learn from the horses.  anyway, the artillery tripod detaches from the tank and aims it's biiiiiig gun wherever the smaller, more agile tank can point it's laser pointer. Basically a beam of focused light particles that detect orientation and distance at a distance and beam the coordinates of the target back to the artillery, which swings it's massive cannon around and fires at the target.  This particular artillery is designed to fire shells that pierce through flimsy material (like surburban homes, which are made out of sticks and tissue paper) and explode upon arrival at it's destination. The idea is the artillery can hide several streets over, and the tank can identify targets and eliminate them even if there's no clear path between the artillery and the target.
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #9 fediverse/5222 ---
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 why would you think cops act the same in immigrant neighborhoods as they do in   │
 suburban heirloomitudes? [that's a weird way to say they're gonna take your      │
 stuff]                                                                           │
 I'm reminded of that one line in that one green day song about homeland          │
 security and how it could kill us all                                            │
 ... okay focus. you should write something on some part of your friend's         │
 stuff, and tell them about it. myultiple things if they care about you. then     │
 you can always tell if their stuff has been replaced or stolen, because          │
 they'll have to painstakingly manually re-paint your visual definitions of       │
 your text-type-ing manual pen-held ministrations.                                │
 ... handwriting. she means handwriting. why can't she just speak plainly? it's   │
 like part of her memory is being used for computational purposes and the         │
 memory of how she says the word "handwriting" is temporarily dis-abled, used     │
 for cognitive processing then returned to a relatively normal state.             │
 ... which prevents her from using it in a sentence.                              │
 I worry that I didn't do well enough by my family.                               │
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--- #10 fediverse/6043 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────
 why would you do drugs anywhere but in public
 
 [because that's [how, but pronounced why] we keep it public]
 
 what if I stopped posting forever
 
 what if youtube disappeared
 
 my keyboard broke...
 
 there's only one page of reddit at a time
 
 mastodon doesn't have any furries
 
 my distinguishing capabilities between a culture and an [aesthetic, but
 prenounced eagames[challenge everything]] are limited at best
 
 this is how you trick the gods, you get them to hallucinate.
 
 what a jerk
 
 hate that girl
 
 what were you shown? oh yeah that's one of her rough patches, here
 lemme-wait-wait don't go, I just...
 
 if you feel everyone, you are instantly hated
 
 ... sorry... I wish my family didn't not spend time with me. [rot] I want to
 be buried where I fall so if I fall in the streets I ROT fuck that she's gross
 ugh do I have to walk past that sign-post I can just go around oh sorry to be
 disrespectful you did this to yourself fuck off my lady hence why they burned
 the witches because then there wouldn't be any more. y
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--- #11 fediverse/1200 ---
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 ┌─────────────────────────────┐                                                  │
 │ CW: re: deranged, murderous │                                                  │
 └─────────────────────────────┘                                                  │
 @user-883                                                                        │
 omgggggg I'm not that cruel xD xD xD                                             │
 It's more like, "hey listen, I know you just want to do a good job [lies, they   │
 just want money and power] but it's time to hang up the hat y'know? I mean       │
 cmon it's been like a hundred years since we signed that constitution thing      │
 [you don't know anything about our history] and frankly it's a little out of     │
 style. We were thinking we'd redo it with our new-fangled rock-and-roll and      │
 dungeons-and-dragons [cultural artifacts meant to deceive and mislead] and       │
 honestly we're quite a bit more ethical than the past. We've learned so much!    │
 I mean, the founding fathers didn't even know what a soviet was, and here        │
 we've seen them fall on their swords. Repeatedly. Then command others to do it   │
 too, because it was the regulation or whatever. Anyway we don't want that, but   │
 we also don't want an aristocracy, which is essentially what your plan gave      │
 us. Well, not really your plan, but instead the stuff that the rich added        │
 centuries after your death. ok?"                                                 │
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--- #12 fediverse/3847 ---
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 ┌───────────────────────┐
 │ CW: cursing-mentioned │
 └───────────────────────┘


 on one hand, people kinda fucking suck
 
 on the other, most people are actually pretty cool once you get to know them
 
 on the third hand, people are pretty tasty
 
 on the fourth hand, people are pretty
 
 on the fifth hand, he's one ugly son of a gun but he's damn good at karate
 
 on the fifth hand, wait shit I mean the sixth hand (how many hands do you
 have? as many as there are people to work with. multiplied by slightly less
 than 2 because the average person has less than two hands) errr wait shit
 
 on the sixth I mean seventh other hand, there comes a day when you realize
 that the journey is something that is always changing, and if you expect
 stasis you will fade into despair and your illusions of immortality will
 shatter as the crushing weight of death approaches like a freight train
 
 on the eighth hand, eating nine hands is something that seven is known to do
 in their "post immortality crisis"
 
 on the ninth hand there is nothing because seven ate nine.
 
 on the tenth hand, people are ok
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--- #13 fediverse/1410 ---
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 whoa, what time is it? "time for your daily sleeping babe" yes babe...           │
 but first, some horror [beware the psycherwaul, for she likes to dream and has   │
 no idea what she's talking about]                                                │
 {why would you post these all at once? people are going to get pissed at you     │
 for breaking rules that you didn't know. And by "you" I of course mean "the      │
 kind of people you are, not you in particular because you know things" and by    │
 "kind of people you are" I mean "the type of person who spends enough time on    │
 the internet to know how internet things generally work" like my goodness        │
 internet people are dramatic. There's sooooo much drama all the time, like...    │
 why                                                                              │
 oh yeah because people are dramatic. duh. How could I be so vain.                │
 what's your deal                                                                 │
 is it wrong to post links to things you've written in the past? ehh it's not     │
 like there's rules on the sidebar like on Reddit or whatever. what would a       │
 sidebar even look like on Mastodon?                                              │
 oh yeah, a person's profile. Except, the consent is backwards, because people    │
 hear what they hear.                                                             │
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--- #14 messages/1105 ---
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 claude-code is like programming, but for executives.
 
 when everyone has  FUCK I'M TOO HUNGRY I can't think right
 
 when everyone has the power of an executive, that's communism.
 
 something something futurism is when everyone is elevated without diminishing
 others
 
 gah I need to live in a palace or something where everyone does the normal
 stuff and I can focus on magic and the gods
 
 I wondeer how much the oracles at delphi did for themselves? weren't they
 blinded at a young age, to better hear the voices of the gods? ... oh that
 suddenly makes sense now. I always thought that pretender chassis in Dominions
 5 was pretty cruel, but, now I know *how* it works and yeah. ancient peoples
 were smart. but also sharp. they had to work with what they got, and we got
 computers now, so.
 
 I am nothing but hopeful for the future! I'm convinced that everything's going
 to be alright. I've thought about it at length, and I think we're winning
 against the dark. We're on the right track, and there aren't many things that
 could go wrong at this stage.
 
 ... okay there are always things that could go wrong. But I don't see what I
 could do to help. Maybe I should go walk around a bit, and see what's changed
 in the past few months, as I've been sleeping in my room for most of it.
 Haven't gone on a proper walk since summer. It's winter now...
                                                           ───┐
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--- #15 fediverse/5223 ---
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 ┌──────────────────────┐                                                         │
 │ CW: cursed           │                                                         │
 └──────────────────────┘                                                         │
 what if all the followers on your profile who only know you through the          │
 fediverse (after having known each other in person, this part is crucial) who    │
 don't talk anymore were like, killed and replaced with someone who is always     │
 busy                                                                             │
 so many people just... disappear from things                                     │
 where did they go                                                                │
 why is their chair empty or filled with another                                  │
 why can't I place their name                                                     │
 what kind of clothes did they wear                                               │
 oh right they had such-and-such                                                  │
 boots-or-piece-of-adorn-jewelry-handheld-possession-just-the-same-shape-as-some  │
 one-i-knew                                                                       │
 then I heard they gave them to so-and-so so that they could wear them for clout  │
 ah, well, I guess they're busy, got stuff going on, things to write about        │
 today... Guess I better hear the story, what's the news, ah, well, okay, guess   │
 I'll go back to programming.                                                     │
 I wonder what she'd say?                                                         │
 if everyone knows the gay agenda, then they can work on it by being gay and      │
 doing crime                                                                      │
 [[ then the cops beat ya up and it hurts and you can never walk right again ]]   │
 what if gypsies were ga                                                          │
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--- #16 fediverse/2066 ---
═════════════════════════════════════════════════════──────────────────────────────
 @user-1159 
 
 AKA giving a puppy murder-bot a narrative that it executes as if it was a
 puppy-person engaging with a loosely interpreted sequence of events as
 described by the continually updating logs provided by the image transcription
 camera device. Refererencing of course a memory bank, which may-or-may-not be
 in read-only-memory. It doesn't know, of course, how could an LLM tell you how
 it shows text on the screen (like, through a website, through the terminal,
 through a text message, through discord, through Telegram, through
 text-to-voice transcription applications pretending to be your mom, etc)
 
 errrr I mean look how cute he is! He loves you, yes he does, such a good
 person yes you are, oh? me? I'M A GOOD BOY? NO WAY that's the best thing I've
 ever heard! Wow! I never want to leave your side, please don't go to work!
 Look how sad I am, don't you think you should quit and move to the forest
 where I can be charged by solar panels and keep the countryside clear of
 ravenous ducks and pigeons 4you?
                                                           ┌───────────┐
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--- #17 fediverse/4212 ---
═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════────────────────────────
 ┌────────────────────────┐
 │ CW: politics-mentioned │
 └────────────────────────┘


 if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good
 idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the
 next town over is doing.
 
 ... I don't have a car, silly me haha
 
 why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by
 a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's
 vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should
 not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude)
 
 like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is
 soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense
 
 seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to
 elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for.
 
 how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed.
 Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray
 
 [51 characters remaining, but you deserve a CW] 
if you ever hear random fireworks outside of your house sometimes it's a good idea to like... get out of town? and see what whoever else you can meet in the next town over is doing.  ... I don't have a car, silly me haha  why do we train homeless people to stand outside in the open and be shamed by a cardboard box around their ancle? It's impossible to recover from, it's vulnerabilizing, and it's painful. How immoral. How crude. These people should not be shamed in this way, they should be respected (unless they're crude)  like, if they kinda just suck y'know? like... they keep starting fights or is soooo bad at singing but does it anyway or lacks all decent sense  seriously, he's such a bad candidate why is he even running. It's solely to elect vance, who trump will be a blood sacrifice for.  how callous. how vain. to think that such a feast would be left unclaimed. Perish the youth, perish the fields, perish in misery harmony and dissaray.  [see how easy it is to summon a demon? gotta be careful with phylac  [zero characters remaining]
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--- #18 fediverse/5920 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─────────
 everyone's all like "ew touchscreens in cars" but the moment someone says
 "what if phones were gameboys" everyone's all like "girl they don't have the
 right hardware radios built in for cellular communication, plus do you really
 wanna be tied to wifi" and I'm like "yeah so peer to peer" and it's like "what
 use is it if you gotta stay within 100 feet of them or whatever" and I'm like
 "... I dunno probably somethin'" and then they walk away in a huff because
 they're too busy for my child-style games. Meanwhile girls have never heard of
 Streetpass on the Nintendo DS mixed with Scuttlebutt on the ocean and carried
 into and around port
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--- #19 fediverse/710 ---
══════════════════════════════════════════════─────────────────────────────────────
 @user-532 
 
 autistic people when nobody told them to shut up about things they thought
 people should be talking about but aren't which is weird right like why
 wouldn't people be talking about [thing] because frankly it seems like a big
 deal but really it's that everyone knows more than the autistic person who
 doesn't have any friends who have friends and is insular and isolated and also
 very smart in fact smart enough to think up ideas for things to talk about
 that people aren't talking about which is weird because they're not THAT smart
 but also a lifetime of isolation has made them a little schizophrenic so they
 sometimes feel like their actions are not their own like they're being
 hypnotized or perhaps possessed by the spirit of mankind or some other such
 entity which would like to express ideas that they think people should talk
 about but they aren't talking about which is weird because why else would a
 porous person have ideas such as [thing] if not for the path that they're
 telepathically suffused with the
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--- #20 fediverse/1532 ---
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 modern cowboys don't necessarily say "howdy" or "pardner"                        │
 they tend to say things like "hello" and "can I help you with that?" or "I       │
 see. Can you describe the problem in more detail? I'm especially curious about   │
 the part where you do this thing" or "Heh, it is pretty neat, isn't it?" or      │
 "Is there anything I can do to help?" or "Oh no! I'm sorry you feel that way.    │
 That emotion is a difficult one." or "He was a good person. I'll never forget    │
 him." or "would you like to go to the 2nd hand store and pick up some jeans?"    │
 or "I made you an egg sandwich. If you don't want it I'll eat it myself,         │
 though I made one for me as well. Wouldn't want to waste it." or "Hey, this      │
 part is broken. Is anyone working on fixing it? Yes? Okay I'll see if they       │
 need any help. No? Alright how about we fix it this way? I can get started."     │
 or "You are very welcome. Please let me know if there's anything else I can      │
 help you with." or "well, the ticket backlog is empty, and I'm just about        │
 going insane doing nothing but stare at my boots."                               │
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