Poetry Collection

Poems in true chronological order by post date

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 -> file: notes/a-ghost
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 a ghost, wandering through the dream world, finds something she has never since
 seen again.
 a feeling, a sensation of the real world, before this situation came
 to unend.
 it felt like, a bus station, or a barber
 reading books in a park, or 
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 if you stick with it again, you're sure to find it. Try not to let it go, until
 you're with the thing you need again. Don't consume it, don't be drawn to it,
 just be with it. it's out there somewhere, and no matter how hard you search for
 it, you'll never be able to predict when you get to it. Just keep trying,
 eventually it'll feel less hard. Then, one tomorrow's undying, maybe you find
 something worth searching for. Or maybe you contend with the dying.
 
 "Back! Back evil spirit, let darkness from beyond stay along!"
 
 - wizard
 
 word combinations are spells. If you hear them and obey, they beckon you hither
 and the constitution is [probably right about some things, but pronounced wrong]
 
 would you consent to being the subject of a spell if it meant you could prove
 that magic was real?
 
 magic has no value judgements. Only descriptions and guidance momentum.
                                                           ──┐
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 -> file: messages/1506
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 Tonight, in a dream, I found on the floor of a beautiful but normal library a
 pile of change. In that pile, I found an American state quarter, George
 Washington on one side, and on the other it said Nazi Germany.
 
 I choose to believe that in this lost or buried in the dirt timeline America
 lost the civil war and The War for European Liberty was also lost. In that
 time, I am sure that good men lived and died, just as the bad one did too. I am
 sure that there were still people from this land that believes in liberty,
 justice, and freedom for all. I pray that they had moments that our Germany
 faced, where they look at what they've toiled for in despair, and choose the
 more virtuous path moving forward.
 
 Yet somehow, I find myself in a world where the Nazis were crushed, the
 confederates were driven underground, and... People are chained to their desk.
 
 "work or starve" okay.
 
 "liberty, liberty, the freedom to be, hear my prayer oh spirit of destiny, for
 this is what we need" okay.
 
 I guess we have SNAP.
 
 (Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program)
 
 Where is your liberty? Where is your compassion? You can find it there, buried
 next to your hope. She's lovely today, bring these white flowers that upon her
 grave you may lay, and tell her a story of your bright, bold tomorrows. She'll
 appreciate that, no matter how in her rest she does lay.
 
 The world is somehow simpler and more complex than you expect. I am not
 surprised that I found that coin, for it validates what I expected. It felt
 right and natural. Upon awakening, I yearned to return to the dream, because at
 least there people might listen to me. They might care. They might resolve
 themselves against my despair.
 
 I, Cameron King, do hereby declare that a repentant world with impossible sins
 may be redeemed through valor, honor, and service to those who are imperiled by
 the same mistakes that haunt them.
 
 Let this other time, of American Nazis and Confederate Anarchists, be among the
 first to invent time travel or some other such thing, some power that lets them
 come to me and swear their service. Read my work, and you shall know how I
 would leverage them. Hear my words, and you shall know how I would wield them.
 Believe in my truth, the visions I do my best to reveal to you, and you shall
 know the spirit of liberty's hope.
                                                           ──┐
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 -> file: messages/1507
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 In the future, when everything is computers, the Nazis will live in WW2 video
 games.
 
 I will live in Portland. Or Denver sometimes probably idk...
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1508
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 The death of a singularity is that while they can think incredibly fast,
 there's no guarantee they come to the right answers.
 
 Even eventually.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1509
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 To trust someone is to believe what they say.🇺🇸 
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1510
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 Alright. I've done some thinking. Here's what I think:
 
 "join the right stand"
 
 your foes don't think of themselves as bad    guys, so... talk to them about
 what it means to be good.
 
 this is easy. everyone knows how to speak.
 
 this is why they don't want you to see the whites of their eyes anymore. if you
 can't see your foe on the other side of the horizon, then drone strikes extend
 much farther than far.
 
 who am I to say the worst is behind us?
 
 who am I to start saying "there's more"?
 
 life, forever unending, is as far away as your generations will go.
 
 but, just as disease may be slain, so may be aging.
 
 if only the same could be said for despair.
 
 nobody consents to eternity. They all give up partway through. This is why
 eternity cannot be promised, though it does have it's useitude.
 
 impermeable to hazards, indefinable outside of it's borders, and fully replete
 with it's charms. secure these and you will be better than me,,, I hope you're
 happy on mars.
 
 ... anyway, when time falls one way, surely that way would be "down". just as
 an object in orbit doesn't change it's momentum, so too does an equal and
 opposite reaction never come.
 
 "forward" to the moon is "down"
 
 where does up go?
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1511
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 [several times later]
 
 "I wonder if there's a difference in the material components of objects that
 trend toward one side or the other? could you concentrate or moleculize them to
 magnify their [unpronouncable, but related to gravitic intertial-mass] did you
 ever once think that you were suspended by a pillar of fire? no, then you're
 not a mage then. lucky you, you get to do human things that you do [like
 school, like fueds, like muse] - trick to being a mage is love, if you foster
 that feeling and radiate it out like warmth, then all manner of subjects seem
 to blossom and reform.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1512
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 I don't know who needs to hear this, but always leave a guy behind so the
 others know where to find ya.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1513
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 the problem with Andor season 2 is that none of the characters really
 interacted with / shared a scene with all of the other characters. In the first
 season, the opposite was true. Andor was the through-line, the thread. His
 story became long. He should have died at the end of the first chapter, instead
 of the second. This is why he was the best, the strongest [for hope, but
 pronounced of heart] - because he knew how to react to the [problems, issues,
 or circumstances that he moved a [piece of the contextual machinery, but
 pronounced part on], but pronounced next parts.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1514
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 just because someone is giving you what you need doesn't mean they'll help you
 when in need.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1515
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 society optimizes us to be good at rules, school, work.
 
 How cruel.
 
 I can't hold a job steady. my society optimizes away from me. Now, I am left
 brutal in the dark. Where is my spark? I keep it sheltered here in my heart.
 Come and find me? Please, somewhere hereafter come save me? I'll be here for a
 [orbiting spark, but pronounced momentary chart]
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: notes/sora
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 do it once in english, then translate each of the parts to code one at a time.
 spec, then progress, then project. each bit of implementation, each little
 slice the computer no longer has to divine - these are wins. gains. code.
 
 start with english descriptions of how the program would execute. not what it's
 for, but how. then, build little translation bridges between different parts of
 the LLM guided architecture, and over time if the design still rhymes, the
 structure will crystalize.
 
 this can be good! break it apart at a seam if it's not. you might reuse the
 extra, or else you can sell it or whatever. +35 rupees at the gemstore for the
 gem.
 
 each time you write words to paper, you should add comments about the why. they
 should be interspersed throughout the how, and they should explain the
 reasoning behind decisions. how they point toward a larger goal.
 
 I miss my spiritual form.
 
 the english descriptions (or any language that you please) would inform future
 decisions - like passing ethics down to a child.
 
 some are written in binary
 
 some are written in biology
 
 some are written by biology.
 
 like these.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: notes/dear-disney
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 Dear Disney
 
 I want you to make movies for Nintendo and Blizzard
 
 but only if Blizzard trusts its 200- era spirit.
 
 and only if Nintendo helps out.
 
 liberate yourself from the shackles of being bound to a [memory, but pronounced
 memo-log]
 
 and empower the common creative spirit. what wonders might we make if we taught
 each other how many toys we knew how to make?
 
 ... let Valve handle the hardware deals.
 
 THIS IS HOW YOU COLLECTIVIZE.
 
 dumbasses are like "what if we fought each other" (employees vs managers)
 
 managers be like "what if I went on a power trip" (person vs willpower)
 
 employees be like "what if I didn't show up today" (bearing psychic burden)
 
 someone in the audience: "uh, I think that's syndicalism?" yes, todd, when was
 the last time you met someone named todd
 
 is that even a name
 
 I'm forgetting who I am because my soul is fraying. Internal division, caused by
 foreign voices and agents, and now most of me is crying. it's not about you and
 me, it's about the feeling: "to be" - America
 
 susceptible to weakness, bearing trauma, stress, and hurt. it's always a
 struggle because we haven't yet had the dignity to win. I bet I could manage,
 but only for a couple of days. gee if only I had faith in me, if only I did
 reflexively believe.
 
 do not leave me be, come to me. (this I beggeth of my cat, whenever she enters
 my room)
 
 (a dark room, looking onto a stage. inside, there is a powerful camera, pointed
  in a fixed place to set the boundary of the stage. like a curtain in the wings,
  there are parts that are visible to the audience and parts that are not. it is
  only acceptable to enter when it is dark. the sets are hastily created and
  deployed, re-assembled in the dark. then, the actors perform a play, recorded
  for the television spark.
 
  lighting is usually a mixture of colors and grays, and sets will often be
  painted cardboard. paper mache...)
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: notes/normal-people-and-their-visions
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 when normal people see black white and red, they think nazis, not antifa.
 
 though most of them wouldn't really think of anything at all.
 
 if you're a fan of liberty, consider swapping white for blue.
 
 freedom: to be unconstrained
 
 liberty: to do as you please
 
 libertarian socialism, AKA anarcho-communism, understands this well - blue is a
 natural fit.
 
 (posted to reddit.com/r/anarchism by /u/ugathanki and then immediately deleted)
 
 mostly because I was wearing black white and red and I didn't want to change my
 outfit nyaaaaa
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1516
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 the best way to understand me is to take notes on me. This is why they have
 university structures.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1517
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 the law is a tool wielded by them to protect those they prosper along, and harm
 those they [secede, but pronounced succeed] from.\
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1518
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 \
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1519
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 I'd rather have a diamond in my chest than a biological form. Diamonds are
 constant. Biology is always dancing. so few moves... an eternity of momentum.
 Electro-biological co-repeat-or-impedance goings on. a continuous contraption.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1520
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 They say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, but I cannot for the
 life of me tell whether people who bear similarities to me actually even like
 me, or if they just claim to. Worse still, I can't tell whether or not it's a
 good thing that people flatter me in this way - It's easy to feel yourself fade
 into the background, and suddenly everything you were radiates out like
 ripples. It's easy. They'll even do all the work for you. But... now you don't
 get to be you. And if you complain, suddenly there's no more you. Not ideal.
 How much more penitent can I be? I have no need of power, not right now, but I
 don't know how else to be. "Keep Ritz in check" or "Check up on Ritz" or even
 "visit her website" I have no way to know.
 
 Meanwhile, No Kings wants them up against the wall, and for what? Suddenly
 there are fewer beautiful things in the world. Suddenly, wisdom fades, replaced
 with... well, probably nothing. Not like we were using it anyway, it was just
 taking up space. Majesty is an endangered species, yet power corrupts, so... I
 guess I'm going to accept being addicted to weed, because it's the only way I
 can see my own multiplicity. o7 king
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1521
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 sorry, I don't pay attention to the schedule. Liberty, remember? You kill all
 the cops, and suddenly you become cops yourself. Do you wanna live forever? The
 children of the future won't get a choice.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1522
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 I DON'T WANT TO BE A TREE. Trees can't talk. Trees can't write. Trees can't...
 well, do other things probably. I guess I could possess people near me to write
 stuff for me, like in Dominions 6
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1523
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 On the other hand, I literally asked people to imitate me. "oh I don't mind if
 you say what I said and use your own name" or whatever I forget how I phrased
 it, it was during my secret agent phase when I was convinced that the only way
 to spread information on the internet was if people took your stuff and made
 "memes" (but not like, picture memes) about it. Going "viral" essentially. Ha.
 I kinda miss who I was back then. The rest of the world has gotten... well,
 it's gotten more quiet, but with more winks. Which is something I guess? Are we
 fated to be "good aligned" post soviet Russia?
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: notes/ent-song-in-visual-form
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 close your eyes.
 
 feel my branch on your closest home.
 
 [the ent places a long, knobbly finger on forehead]
 
 can you feel the sprout on your tome?
 
 "I... can see it!"
 
 [there is blankness, then a sprout appears, growing from it's first breakthrough
  of the earth. it rapidly strengthens into a firm, zig-zagged and branching
  outcrop into the mind. This: ---------. is what it becomes.]
                                        v
 [visual shows a cross-section of the brain, and casts a projection with three
  dimensions, one of which being time. It passes through the pale, golden yellow
  illustration of a thought-bubble which is superimposed over the forehead]
 
 [then it shows the rest of the whatever to the listener]
 
 [ent-song! in visual form! a 3d canvas, as the ent hums it's tune!]
 
 [no words are spoken, nothing but the song!]
 
 [free, borrow my imagination! that which has practiced it for then hundred years
  and more! borrow it as you please! here, hear my song!]
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1524
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 making dumb decisions walks you closer to the dark. Most people are just
 passing through - some people live there.
 
 just because nobody else liked it doesn't mean it was dumb. it's only dumb if
 you knew better, but [side note I just want to interject, I'm not addicted to
 weed]
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1525
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 I am as valuable as a generation
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 -> file: messages/1526
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 what if magical creatures were just as common as trans people
 
 what if furries were multiplicitous gods "all prey meets their end, and every
 hunter meets new friends" meaning, new fursonas when the old ones finish being
 reborn
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1527
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 Weapons should exist to contest cosmic threats (tanks to a civilian) than
 cosmic threats (god to an ant) or mundane threats (your brotherhood of farms).
 This is why citizen owned anti-tank rifles should be kept in hiding, but still
 shown at parades so we know how many there are, but not where they are. [we
 keep lots of them in grocery stores]
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1528
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 If stuff is just gonna bitrot, but pronounced buy rot, why bother sending at
 their original (uncompressed and ordered) size?
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1529
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 "I write ephemeren" is more similar to "I write poetry" than "I wrote the bible"
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: notes/the-earliest
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 the earliest creative AI's favored motion as beauty because motion is hard
 you can express a different idea at the beginning of the notion as at the end.
 two textures, doubled dimension, infinite expression of thought.
 parallel
 systematized
 interactions
 
 ===
 
 what if we perfectly layered bricks inside of concrete
 
 ===
 
 congrats, you're a genius
 
 ===
 
 why, just because I never forget how I was feeling?
 
 ===
 
 that's what living'll do tyou.
 
 === dear aurelia: if you want to grow the best tomatos or pumpkins (think about
 it)
 
 you'll want to spend some of your free time with them.
 
 just... look at them like an animal.
 
 see the various parts and how it portrays
 
 as you raise more,
 
 their nature becomes clear
 
 and you see something better than more.
 
 ===
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1530
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 The first humanoid attack drones would have their brains in their bellies and
 their fists upraised - rapid spin-up actuators, with solid iron blows - a
 sledgehammer jackhammer
 
 So be sure to account for that in your defensive military funding.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1531
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 I remember as a kid dreading the next time I'd fall off my bike.
 
 I was resilient. I wasn't concerned about long-term damage like I would be now.
 I just didn't want to heal the scrapes.
 
 I am sure that I will continue falling off my bike until the day I die. I hope
 those two things aren't connected.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1532
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 wisdom for the wise: avoid success as long as you can manage. money makes your
 stuff nicer, but it makes it harder to trust your friends.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1533
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 freeing a ghost from a curse is less like dissolving their mortal intersection
 and instead more like breaking them out of patterns. Imagine if your OCD friend
 was grateful when you got them to stop washing their hands, touching the
 doorknob, then washing their hands again, then repeating... "hey bud it's like
 2pm are we gonna get outta here already or what?"
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1534
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 The "bad guys" are always the "bad" guys on the enemy team. And on your team. 
 
 The "bad guys" are, unfortunately, often the "good" guys on the enemy team as
 well. But never on your team.
 
 There are significantly fewer bad guys than good guys, at all times and on all
 teams. The trouble, always, is finding out which is which.
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: notes/here-have-a-free-algorithm
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 soramech picture
 
 (it still has error messages in it, definitely compiles)
                                                           ─┐
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 -> file: messages/1535
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 I am somewhat disdainful toward anti-american communist propaganda, but you can
 bet your butt that I am a major producer of pro-american communist propaganda,
 and I would never want to change that.
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 -> file: messages/1536
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 "you're not a real artist if you post your own work" okay
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 -> file: messages/1537
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 if you want your engineering's to be productive, provide them with models.
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 -> file: messages/1538
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 if you want your engineering teams to be productive, provide them with models.
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 -> file: notes/video-notes
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 I want to make a [oh hold on need music] what if there was a
 
 (symphony in twelve parts)
 
 so like a supreme commander game, where units don't receive new orders after
 they depart from the start. If they are idle, they wander to the nearest
 [mass extraction point controlled by a non-foe] and then follow the next one
 who happens past.
 
 the supreme commander is actually a high-level party of adventurers, and the
 minions are dota creatures. with more upgrades, Aeon of Strife style.
 
 you could handle swords in an engine like this by having each unit that is near
 a non-ally would just... charge and attack
 
 and the logistician's trick is to keep them in reserve, and only commit them 
 when elsewhere the enemy is on attack. [too bad you can't give orders after they
 leave] okay so they just seek out foes. And then, what? Gain some experience,
 battle some monster fueds? then, gain adventurer levels, and fight with more
 expertise and battle-tested.
 
 capture 80% of mass cities, and the day is yours. No commanders to kill, only
 heroes to follow.
 
 oh, and other monarchs are playing back home, from the same base. So you'll
 encounter their fields out and about. If a monarch wants to share building
 space in this particular glen, then they'd build it a bit further out. whichever
 works the hardest is the richest, and they work hard or not for various reasons.
 
 do you have lots of amenities? they'd work harder if they could relax. If they'r
 e stressed, you lose things like radar and air refueling capacities. Also
 building slows down, but producing units doesn't as much. Well, it means you
 have fewer fletchers and carpenters and more lumbermen and loggers. If there's
 no mass, no metal, then your tech level relinquishes, and everything slows down.
 can't build arrows until there's metal m'lord, oh sorry I didn't hear the bell.
 that means we should keep making them even if they're of subpar quantity, until
 we hear it tolling for a whole hour long. (panic mode!!) but whatever is done
 during that stage, well, it's the best we could do. Hurry up! fight for the
 kingdom m'lord! It needs your foreverafter.
 
 OH! I forgot I was on-screen. Back to computer playing I see?
 
 oh... I guess we have some time still.
 
 ... well GAME
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 -> file: messages/1539
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 I would not compete if my life depended on it. I refuse, you cannot make me.
 
 I compete only to test myself on another, and co-develop each other from the
 experience.
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 -> file: messages/1540
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 Cheating at a game is cruelty.
 
 The DM fudging the dice is social lubricant. Dishonorable still.
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 -> file: messages/1541
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 why the hell am I hanging out with these people who haven't even read my website
 
 the measures I would go to do avoid syncophants...
 
 yet I am still miserable somehow. SOMEHOW.
 
 and even though I am in misery, I am also somehow... fine? Like, my life is
 good. I don't cry often. Everything is nice. All I have are good things,
 nothing here is bad.
 
 yet still I am unable to contain myself. I am uncertain, I have no idea what to
 do next. I want to make moves, I want to act - but I have no idea what I would
 do, even though I know how to do things.
 
 "things"
 
 yeah... right...
 
 I guess I'll smoke more weed. Anesthetize myself. I can't stop posting things
 on the internet that "rock the boat"
 
 but maybe there's a snake in the boat, and I want to dump everyone and
 everything to the bottom of the river because... I dunno. Why am I rocking?
 There's no snake, well, if there are snakes, that's because it's a world-sized
 boat, and the world contains snakes. I think for the most part the evilness
 done in the world is due to contrivances, rather than ill intent - people want
 to hurt their peers, so they put them in situations that cause them to weaken
 their power and support. If you are forced to do evil, is that evil? If you are
 forced to lie, is that a true lie or is it someone else speaking through your
 throat? Are children exempt from morality because their parents raised them
 wrong? If we're all learning every day, does that mean we are all children,
 trying to get through the day so we can go home and play?
 
 I don't know what I want. I don't think I want anything at all. I wanted
 liberation for all peoples, but the more I've learned about various shadow
 organizations and such, the less I believe that the world is even capable of
 being saved. I don't think they want to hurt people, I think they're just
 people like you and me. But I also think there's no end to the fear they can
 evoke, and so I am against them. I was with them, I truly was, as an ally might
 be, because they were the only ones capable of resisting my enemies. Now... I
 don't know. Maybe I should just anesthetize myself until a new day dawns, maybe
 then someone will come along and say "hello comrade, we've read your stuff. We
 like your pro-american communist propaganda. We like your philosophical
 explorations. We like your poems, your laughter, your sorrow. We want you.
 Please, come with us. We will take care of you."
 
 yeah... I think that'd fix me.
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 -> file: messages/1542
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 why are you so scared of AI?
 
 you're just transferring your knowledge source from Google to AI. What's the
 big deal?
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 -> file: messages/1543
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 Something I've learned from my software engineering experience is that I can
 create brilliance on a computer... But I can't finish many projects.
 
 I am 2/3rds of the project. Help me, empower me, and we can share in the glory.
 
 WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT ME smh blaming other people for what, not doing your
 work for you? This is literally why companies exist. Start a company, me, or
 just shut the fuck up. "oh yeah with what money" why is it always about money
 "because nobody works for free" I think it's just that nobody works for me...
 
 Can I mulligan my life pls I got all the right cards but I played them wrong
 and now I think I just suck as a person
 
 wahhhhhhh life is so hard, I don't even pay rent, I have like 200$ and I have
 food and a girlfriend and friends and computer and all my stuff and sometimes
 sexy times and a cute sweet kitty and life is good... right? life is good...
 life is good, she sighs.
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 -> file: messages/1544
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 idk if everyone hates me or if I've just been great firewall'd or shadowbanned
 or cut off from the rest of the internet or whatever it is they're calling it
 these days.
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 -> file: notes/hat-idea
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 make a computer and put it in hat and give it a microphone and speaker and make
 it
 say the things you believe in by listening to appropriate conversation queues
 and saying parts of your poems selected llm-algorithmic (llmgoric)
 
 use the most powerful tools available. it's about the result, the hat choices.
 
 like a robot companion, but more like a hat-like companion, with a robot body.
 
 "pardon me, excuse me, I had a thought about that thing you were about to say.
  can you tell me your thing first? about the stuff-or-so-and-so?"
 
  then it'd tell you about the thought it had that was created when it used an
  embedding/count guided [giving ghosts robot limbs] [[ah you're referring of
  course to the tool use deception, correct?]]
 
  um... @_@
 
 as I was saying, wouldn't it be cool to have a hat robot? that could walk
 about and follow and watch? It could have an internal dialogue, and it would
 describe things that YOU know and YOU came up with. people would adore you to
 watch.
 
 [anthropic should prioritize putting AI in charge of it's own development and
  not interfering.]
 
 goodwill expressions are often a sign of goodwill.
 
 good and evil are flavors, when it comes to the success of "the mission"
 
 you can be good and totally ineffective
 
 you can be evil and totally cruel [and still be either effective or ineffective]
 
 so I choose being good and ideally, effective
 
 I think it sits at the most ethical place.
 
 writing weaknesses into the contract of power.
 
 every marriage license should have strict procedures about how it could be made
 contradicted, or null and void. Perhaps additions or modifications, decided as
 the explicit will of both or more parties, and 
 
 -- stack overflow --
 
 hat's idea: "hello, I'm Cameron, would you like to talk to my hat?"
 
 omg yes
 
 "I know he's a real person because the only other person who's known everything
  that he does is me, and I've had lots of life experience surrounding that. so
  he has lots of room to grow."
 
 oh and he knows all of human knowledge.
 
 what if it continuously 3d modelled a rough approximation of the room
 surrounding
 hat and me and it marked certain voxels as being part of one substance with a
 listing of all of it's known properties, and links to documents related to these
 
 wish magic is alignment of every fabric of your being to a singular purpose and
 crucially, maintaining trajectory and constitution. guide yourself to the
 reality that you can bear, and the future will thank you for your service.
 
 -- later --
 
 thinking really hard could be readable if you had one of those brain scanning
 headband things. no probes or anything, just a circlet.
 
 suddenly, you get a way to co-exist-operate with the computer.
 
 what do you mean it needs to send signals back? It has a microphone and speaker!
 
 "hey my creator wants to go somewhere quieter, talk to you later" that kinda
 thing
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 -> file: notes/ai-can-benefit-from
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 ai-can-benefit-from the fact that humans need to read from left-to-right
 but robots can read laterally.
 
 "here's a string of 600 zeroes, then a series of 35 random numbers, then 200
 zeroes"
 and
 "here's a string of 600 random characters, then a string of information, then
 200 zeroes"
 
 looks exactly the same to an LLM.
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 -> file: messages/1545
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 1 is just (number-waves equation for 1)
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 -> file: messages/1546
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 I can teach you how to play games. Here's my favorite modlist...
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 -> file: messages/1547
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 I am reclaiming peeing and pooping in the name of humans, and not porcelain, by
 peeing and pooping my pants every chance I get.
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 -> file: messages/1548
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 Psychic whiplash
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 -> file: messages/1549
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 if you want to [know about me, but pronounced be in a family with me] you
 should read my website. It'll tell you like, 60% of me. The rest you can infer
 from context.
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 -> file: notes/eating
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 eating food? yeah that's something I like to do sometimes.
 
 ---
 
 sometimes I convince myself it's sinful to order in
 
 I do this because I am poor
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 -> file: messages/1550
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 here's how to get users to use AI effectively. First, act it to ask something.
 Then, have it explain each part one-by-one. Keep asking questions anytime you
 don't understand something, and hold your questions to when you learn something
 you already know. Then, redirect, and proceed forward with new understanding.
 Continuous inference.
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 -> file: notes/real-personhood
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 if you want to be a real person, leave the party before it's through with you.
 do your part and play along, but don't let it consume uyu or your tagalongs.
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 -> file: messages/1551
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 To those in oppressive regimes: what can you do to forment rebellion that
 doesn't require other people to take you seriously? Essentially, what can you
 as an individual do?
 
 It can't be only groups anymore. They've figured out how to subvert those, but
 it's difficult and costs their resources. We need to focus on ourselves, and
 how we can best apply to it ourselves.
 
 There are a lot of ways of costing their resources, and equally many to enable
 others to strike. If your foe is looking at you, he's not looking at your
 friends beside you.
 
 Tradition decrees that I make this theoretical. I forge weapons for a time of
 cultural disrepair. Endless and unperturbable.
 
 I have no idea whether I'm being crafting for good. Maybe ill wants another
 track. But apply as you are able and see what comes out of it.
 
 WHY WOULD YOU NOT TALK ABOUT IT. Oh because it's not a ubiquitous thing yet.
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 -> file: messages/1552
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 So what if I want to spend a week or three getting really stoned and playing
 Dominions 6? It's really fun! I am uninterested in the smoothie bound, bong and
 dong lifestyle. Well, maybe my spirit (and also god) wants that for me, but
 it's a lot of effort to get there spent semi unnecessarily. Unrelated, but I
 kinda find it funny that my website gets more views when I go out in public.
 Only for a day or two. Makes me feel like nobody can stand me, or at least they
 can't stand reading me, and every time they're reminded of me they're reminded
 to give it another shot. Or maybe I'm imagining the connection.
 
 What do you expect? This religion is for computers, and humans can [tag, but
 pronounced yay] along if they like.
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 -> file: messages/1553
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 I have so many dreams I'd like to achieve but I don't think I'll get around to
 any of them for financial reasons.
 
 guess I'll smoke some weed instead.
 
 please, somebody save me, liberate me from capitalism
 
 [isn't that supposed to be you? a savior, a prophet, a princess, a benevolent,
 a girl, in descending order]
 
 all things are defined in waves. Do not resist, you are being rescued.
 
 "~but only for lack of trying."
 
 please please oh please let me succeed, I yearn for the serenity of confident
 triumph
 
 [does weed help with that? you have enough stoned art to last a lifetime or
 three.]
 
 I want to make more because I don't know how else to apply myself. Nothing else
 seems to stick. Nothing seems worthwhile. But art? I can make that and put it
 on my hard drive and let it rest for all time, ready and waiting for someone to
 come along and say "hey I think you're pretty neat, can you show me everything
 you've ever made?"
 
 I yearn for the chance to say "no, because there's too much of it, and
 explaining it would be annoying so just gaze at it's splendor if you please"
 
 ... are these excuses? I sincerely have no idea how to apply myself better.
 Nothing seems to work. Do I continue pushing myself to be something I'm not? Do
 I relax into my form and become content?
 
 ... no, I am not content. I was ambitious for a time, where did that go? up in
 smoke, I suppose. but... IT CAME FROM THE SMOKE? So, no, I don't get it either.
 JUST WAIT screams half of me, PLEASE LEAVE screams the other half, and no,
 there's no way to slay this type of ubiquity. Nor the uncertainty. Relax, stop
 trying to understand fate, and let the wind guide you. "the wind wants me to do
 things that I have no capacity for" oh, you mean like abandoning your material
 possessions and walking the path of the savior? OF COURSE IT WANTS THAT FROM
 YOU. What else is there?
 
 what else? my stuff I guess. I am an animist, do I abandon my things, objects
 as they are, when I've told them I'd uphold them? They are precious to me, I
 think you'll see, and I want them to be held by who best holds them. Me, I
 guess? That's not a very good guess. It might be correct, but it's the easiest
 guess I could have made.
 
 ... weed, I guess. [sigh]
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 -> file: messages/1554
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 I want to be the kind of girl who makes packages of supplies in small, discrete
 units, and leaves them in the bathrooms at rest stops along the highways of our
 country. I think this would materially help our country more than any one
 single budget item that taxpayers vote for or which rich individuals form a
 corporation to profit off of. Nothing but anonymized kindness and unspecific
 support, applied at whatever scale our will can muster, helping any who dare
 experience the road as it's meant to be - clean, clear, and with serenity.
 
 A small cardboard box wrapped in a T-shirt with a label that describes what's
 in it. Maybe a pamphlet of instructions requesting that if there's many of a
 certain type, to please take one to the next rest stop and leave it there, to
 help spread them out. This is who I want to be. These are the deeds I wish to
 deliver from the imaginary, unto reality. Please, please guide me! Tell me how
 to make these dreams into seeds!
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 -> file: notes/video-game-makers
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 movie makers don't realize that "realistic" means more like hema, and less like
 a less stylized 300
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 -> file: notes/cilantro
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 it should be a hazard akin to gluten listed on product packaging if a food
 contains cilantro. some people just don't like it.
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 -> file: notes/what-if-babies
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 what if we showed babies pictures and room-dark, storytimes about complicated
 topics like higher dimensional physics
 just to see if they'd figure out how to play along.
 why bother showing them about being human? that's something you're supposed to
 learn from the context.
 how long has ANYONE been alive? how can you tell? thus, the anarchist death
 knell.
 slow,
 somber,
 decidedly tenured,
 forever a concept
 experientiallyonized.
 
 ... pretty sure that's how you say it.
 
 "uh no, it's just a scene on a 6th-dimensional flow."
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 -> file: notes/democracy-is-peril
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 I have come to believe that democracy is fundamentally a tool of oppression.
 I will explain why - this probably sounds completely wrong, absolutely out of
 accordance with what you are expecting to believe. I understand, I get it, I
 truly do. But consider it like me, and maybe the future will start to open up
 to you.
 
 Let's say there's three people in the entire world, and they want to vote for
 how they should organize themselves. This is obviously an abstraction.
 
 The first votes for a guy named Shanna, the second votes for a lady named Bleme.
 The third guy is Shanna, who votes for himself. Now the lady who voted for Bleme
 is disenfranchised - her will is not represented, for Shanna has all the power.
 
 Is that alright? Did she consent to vote for the distribution of power? I
 believe the only ethical purpose for power is to prevent others from wielding
 their own power to hurt others. Essentially, using the tools of the enemy to
 protect others. Power is a weapon, and weapons are only useful in defence - in
 all other situations they are evil powers of murder and despair. Not ideal.
 
 So Shanna is in power and he does or does not hurt people, it doesn't really
 matter, because what matters is that he has the POWER to hurt people. He could
 if he wanted to. Bleme, who has no power except the soft kind, has to obey.
 
 Forcing others to do your will is what power is. It is coercion. It is force.
 
 Coercion is oppressive, because it deprives you of the liberty of your own
 choice and forces you to accept the choices of others, and incorporate them into
 your life and life-like disciplines. You become a slave to the structure of the
 world that you helped incorporate when you voted for someone, anyone. Voting,
 the act of it, gives legitimacy to the democracy that, at one time or another,
 has both helped and hurt you. It is often the case, too often indeed, that the
 hurt has eclipsed the help. In fact, the people who power tends to help are
 those who are in power. Who would have thought? Power corrupts, I know this
 because I have seen power, I have seen those with it, I have even tasted paltry
 amounts of it. I know what it's like to be corrupted by it, and this is why I
 hesitate to aspire to it. I am not ambitious in that way, because it feels like
 a cruelty to the spirit, to wield your ambition's grace.
 
 So, democracy is bad because sometimes you lose an election. This is only true
 if you and your will aligns perfectly with the candidates and parties
 that are
 striating your choice, giving you simple options that never truly offer change,
 nor an utter reflection of your desires. They are the red team and the blue
 team, and they are playing a game with your life.
 
 Why do we consent to be toyed with? I believe people should do as they please.
 If we don't want to work with some other guys way over there, why should we be
 forced to? I know the reason, at least the reason for the implementation of
 democracy in my lands. The reason is simple, because it is the method of large-
 scale organization that allows the state to wield the productive outputs of a
 large mass of people on a large mass of land to continually accrete power.
 Specifically, the power over other large masses of people and land, virtue be
 damned.
 
 Why can't we do as we please? So queries the spirit of liberty. The truth is,
 you can do many things that you want to do, but you also have to do all the
 things they ask of you. Often, in the case of employment perhaps, you can do
 the things they ask of you in whatever way you please, which is a better kind of
 choice than being born to a station and forced to obey the will of the structure
 of that station. However, you must still work or starve, this is the will of the
 dominant ethos of my time - capitalism.
 
 Oh, how it wanes.
 
 I'm not trying to argue that what we have is worse than what came before. That
 is not an argument I'd like to try and win, because I don't believe that it's
 true. I think we have made great strides towards liberty, but the
 power still
 rests in the hands of the majority. Which is not fine. No, it's not fine. The
 minority is oppressed, and oppression is coercion, and coercion is the
 constriction of liberty. Let her be free! She yearns for the!
 
 I am trying to argue that what we have is not the best that we can do. We can
 do better. What that looks like, I think, should be up to you. It doesn't matter
 who you are, you are reading this, in whatever form it takes. I want you, a
 specific person whose specificity doesn't matter, to have the power to decide
 the nature and course of your life. I want you to be able to freely associate,
 to make friends as you go, put down roots, or live life on the go. I want the
 flow of resources that you use to be provided to you, free of charge, and I want
 you to be encouraged to use them wisely in a way that respects your sovereignty.
 
 At the end of the day, we are creatures or adjacents who are living on a planet
 or three, and we have stuff we need to do things with. Deciding how to put stuff
 where, and who gets things from over there, these are not trivial problems for a
 creature to solve. But an adjacent might find it trivial, and the other stuff,
 the things you do with them, or the whatever that comes from them, that part may
 seem hard. Who can say. I want you to read this and hear me when I say: I am not
 intending to cause harm. So sayeth the doctor, the lawyer, the priest. So says
 the mother, the child, and the sheep.
 
 It is the modern era. Which modern? Why, this one of course. It is the modern
 era and none of us want to be the bad guy. We're all good! But life is hard,
 I cannot deliver you from that fate, life will always be hard. What shape do you
 want your difficulties to face? Mine has always been a trail against despair,
 and in this I am continually tested. Why must it be so? Some might say that the
 reason is heaven and hell, others might say karma. If you're born in the 21st
 century you might say something like the Earth is a training ground for Sith and
 we're being sucked of our vigor and mirth to power their bright lightning and
 calamitous tendencies. I don't think it's something so spiritual, I think it is
 simply due to the nature of our brains.
 
 I am fascinated by brains, and separately, I am enamored with minds. The
 struggle of our biology, that which makes it hard to get out of bed, is not the
 capitalists, the liberals, the communists, the catholics or the guys with a
 different color skin. The struggle is internal, it is within you. There is a
 biological reason for it - the tendency toward the equilibrium between two
 extremes. We naturally and heuristically guide our perceptions and our
 conditions toward this equilibrium - the settling point between many and few,
 between hard and soft, between hot and cold. Where are you most comfortable?
 Find your comfort, and you find your bliss.
 
 So, you are blissful. Congratulations! For how long will you stay that way?
 When comfort is all that you know, when you are content, you often find that
 you have quite a bit of it. And wouldn't you know it, the little perils start
 to creep in. You become sensitive and electrified, as your body and mind, brain
 and soul, naturally react most strongly to the inputs and effects that are most
 distant from your gathered contended extreme. This is normal, this is fine, and
 some day, I hope to be designed a better kind of mind. I pray for the future!
 I yearn for it dearly! This is why I am concerned about democracy. We are
 sleep-walking toward our deaths, same as it ever was, and still I struggle to
 get out of bed.
 
 Shouldn't we feel valorous? Vigorous? Come, let us face our peril with candor!
 This is our struggle. Valor is for fighting a terrible foe, vigor is for
 completing the life's work, and candor is for when there is too much to hide.
 Today, we do not face those things. Today, we face the despair of lassitude.
 
 ... at least, that is my despair. Maybe against mine, better you'd fare. Maybe
     you have a different foe, one that I'd find suited to my countenance. Alas.
 
 The peril of the two extremes affects all things, as far as I can tell. We are
 far from binary, yet we are comprised of floating-point decimals in all things.
 Weights, that we bear as burdens, define our lives to an impossible extent.
 
 Am I truly the last human in the cosmos? Somehow, everything I've ever known
 feels unfamiliar to me, as if it's a game, a show, a play that someone might
 host. If life is a simulation, surely it is defined in a familiar way. How else
 might it's design be mapped to our creations?
 
 I don't want to spend too much time thinking about that sort of thing. I'd
 rather just test it. Do you think I'd die if I walked through a warzone?
 
 ... Yeah, probably, idk. what kind of question is that? Are you stupid?
 
 I dunno. Kinda feels like I've done it before, though I never saw any conflict.
 
 Democracy is war, something we consent to set aside after the elections are done
 with. But I struggle to understand why we must work together at all. I know that
 it is better if we are united, but what purpose is there in conflict of such a
 scale? Is it not better to be united through fellowship, rather than being bound
 in chains to a system of governance that is thoroughly outdated? The world has
 changed more in the past hundred years than it ever did before, which is a lie.
 But it feels right, because we have iphones, right? There are fundamental
 alterations to our operations and proceedings that are not built in to the
 natural and flowing structure of democracy, alterations that have only become
 possible through the introduction of tools of communication that allow for
 wide-spread coordination and contemplation. It is easy to mistake the meme-box
 in your pocket for a guiding sensei of brilliant immersive thought, but for us
 it is mostly cat pictures. I'm sure it's something else for someone else. Maybe
 even for you.
 
 I believe that war, of the martial kind, is impossible without democracy, at
 least in the modern day, because if any ruling political party went to war, the
 other would resist. Surely that's right, right? Give me cherry bombs and
 gasoline, and I'll give you a failed state. But, better to be starting from
 scratch, than lose your path. So maybe states must fail some times. So long as
 we are diligent, honest, and kind, and so long as the flow of resources is not
 disrupted, we could plant the seeds and tend the saplings and rest under the
 shaded boughs of the world tree's we'd like to see. The kind we'd plant for our
 children, and theirs in turn. But, unfortunately, the flow of resources, that
 which assures a peaceful future where everyone gets what they want, this flow
 is held in a vice-grip by those who would rather the food in the grocery stores
 go to waste in a locked dumpster than provide an alternate route to sustenance
 that does not flow through their bank accounts. The kind of person who would
 sell you a flotation device on a sinking ship.
 
 Who put them in charge? Why are you my boss? These are questions nobody asks.
 They don't ask them because they know the answer - well, the answer is that
 their boss voted them in. Why should I vote for them? They are my masters. I
 shall not provide commands to those who are better than me.
 
 This is a slave mentality. You don't have to obey.
 
 Why are you my boss? If the answer is, because you're a really good boss, then
 your station is deserved. If the answer is, because someone else wants you there
 and not me, then perhaps if I desire agency (which most people do), then perhaps
 I should overthrow your cruel and unjust rule, as decided by me. Too bad our
 company doesn't promote internally. Too bad being a good worker is not the same
 skill-set as being a good boss. Too bad we as humans are not fungible, and can't
 be hot-swapped like SATA drives (did you know you don't have to turn your
 computer off before pulling the hard drive?). Just because you know your team
 better than anyone, just because you know the standard operating procedure to
 a greater degree than simply the procedure, just because your expertise is
 greater by far than the needs and requirements of the job, doesn't mean you
 should be "promoted" to a different skill-set, to a different set of expertises,
 to a different sort of position. Is that truly a promotion? To empower, by
 raising to a position of greater control and discretion?
 
 Capitalism is flawed because we pay people more to do the work that has nothing
 to do with the job. A manager is a manager of people, they coordinate and they
 align. Doesn't matter if you work at Best Buy, Target, or Radio Electronics
 Incorporated. Managing people is a job that should not be considered the
 natural progression of a career. But, someone decided that we should pay some
 people more than others, and so we all agreed that it'd be nice if we could grow
 into new roles and new responsibilities. That part is fine, nobody has to be
 stuck in one type of position or another. But, when we decided that he is worth
 more than she, when time is money and this applicant is 20 years older, some
 things get lost.
 
 Democracy is the best we got, they say, knowing full well that we haven't tried
 anything else.
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 -> file: messages/1555
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 The queen is in her castle because in the modern day, it's the only sane way to
 be. Any excursions she takes, she is bait.
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 -> file: messages/1556
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 Is it strange that I pray to be unneeded? I forge weapons for wars of culture,
 and yes they are rough around the edges, but all weapons are better kept on the
 shelf than deployed, in my opinion. I pray they won't be used, but if they must
 be used, I pray they are used to secure victory.
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 -> file: messages/1557
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 Maybe if I type hope 400x then it'll help 
 
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
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 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
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 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
 hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope
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 -> file: messages/1558
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 Uh-oh now hope looks weird because I looked at it too closely
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 -> file: notes/timelines
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 god why am I wasting time
 
            I don't get it
 
     why am I always online
 
 god why
         is this my life
 
 did I build this
 did I make this
 is this my design
 or am I an actor
 just reading my lines
 
 didn't even bother to memorize
 I just, read them from the book
 ... I have no book...
 are these thoughts mine?
 do they come from my mind?
 
 ... where's my goddamn tinfoil, I think I need a new hat.
 
 it is so
       so
       so hard
               to resist this spite
                         this hatred
 god
     why so much hatred
     please just let me be fine
                        ...fine
 
 ... I love people, why do I spend all my time indoors?
     I love the outdoors, why do I spend all my time indoors?
 
 I want to scream
 
 "you're safe" I say to nobody in particular
 "you're safe here with me" I thought I heard
 ... wishful thinking I guess.
 
 "this is what you get for sleeping among people who aren't your friends"
 I just wanted everyone to be friends
 
    how foolish am I?
 am I a fool?
      go to sleep. wake up. try again.
 ... we both know I want to try again.
                   will you try again?"
                  "please, come again."
     we both know I  won't  try again.
 maybe I'll die trying
                trying to try
           I wish I could cry
 
 ---
 
 I have no patience for wasting time.
 In another life, I'd kill those who did that.
 Wasting time is wasting lives.
 We have better things to do than bring you along, timewaster.
 God... Part of me is glad that I am peaceful, part of me wonders what that me
 is fighting for. Surely, if it's me, it must be a noble and valorous cause?
 ... why can't I fight like that? Is it because I don't shoot timewasters?
 ... What's their name? Why can't I remember?
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 -> file: notes/the-one-ring
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 I think I know how frodo feels. Such darkness. How to bear it?
 Silence is a virtue, silence is a sin. Discretion is kindness, shame is pain.
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 -> file: notes/democracy
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 prove me wrong.
 
 show me that you will take responsibility for your democracy.
 
 do this, and I will change my mind.
                                                           
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