Poems in true chronological order by post date
-> file: notes/a-leader ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ a leader is just someone in front. sometimes I lead. it's good and just. [but pronounced when I must] ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/this-is-provably-wrong-yet-true ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I am concerned that I have deceived myself. When I look at my life in the harshest light, I am led to believe that I am a cruel and selfish person. I never make bad decisions - i always try and do right by everyone. I am always mediating, always connecting, always listening. But maybe I'm fed up with the way that people are hurt in spite of my intentions. Maybe I wish they made better choices. I can't control that, but... I worry that my decisions affect them still. This leads me to believe I am a cruel and selfish person. Selfish people never get what they want, and I want to make the world better, relentlessly, at every turn. This is a cruel thing to describe because the world is tumultuous in its trajectory onward and upward to bright brilliant glory. Therefore, it is selfish of me to speak my intentions as if they were possible, plausible, or within my control - they are always possible, but it is selfish to describe them as such because they demand much. It is plausible, because it could happen with enough luck. And sometimes, not always but sometimes, it is within my control, and if it ever is, then sometimes I will succeed and sometimes I will fail. This means, sometimes I took something that was technically possible, described it as plausible, and then failed to make it happen. This is why I try to think of myself as a teacher. If I don't have anything to teach, I don't go on cleric walks. I often talk to myself and whoever wants to hear. But it is abandoning my responsibilities when I don't build the systems, tools, or groups that could make the impossible possible, the implausible plausible, and the things that I wanted, real. It's my responsibility to make that chain happen, and I often just... Don't. I rely on others to do the hard parts. This is cruel and selfish. I wish it were not so, I do not delight in these two poor strategies that my fate has decided for me. Perhaps if my outcomes were better, I'd be more hateful or something. I don't think it needs to be that way but it often feels like that's how it is - fuel yourself with spite to make the world better, become comfy and content to drag everything down just a bit. What is it all for? ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/sorry-for-the-delay ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ no action, no games, and no time for me. I am just computer programming and writing poetry and killing time while staying alive. That's all that's on my mind for now. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/witch-spirits ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ I can think of 4 witch spirits with an interest in me: QS, RM, RV, and HTE. Though she's more of a princess to be honest. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/like-diamond ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ The reason people prefer just rulers over arbitrary ones is that justice is predictable. Unless you're arguing about minutia like semantics of laws, the justice of a resolution is self apparent. This predictability allows people to make long term plans for the future, and can allow for the possibility of rehearsing large organized movements and patterns before the actual execution stage, which ideally happens when the audience is in their seats. If it were a revolution outdoors tomorrow, every door in America would be knocked on. The festivities would extend to every street, celebrating our newfound liberation. Like winning a war, or even just ending one. We don't often see that kind of celebration anymore but... I believe it's more important than catharsis - to walk down every street all at once. It is important to be seen, heard, and to be ready to say "alright here's what we're doing next." most people are just people who don't know anything about nothing. I am just a girl and I don't know anything. Like a sharpened diamond yearning to cut the edge off by getting crossfaded and dulled with drugs and isolation. Why? Why would she do that? She does not want to taste blood. She wants to sleep and dream of better tomorrows, because those are free and easy and somehow always more real than reality. Shine brilliantly, be polished to a mirror finish, and no abrasion will haunt you. Nothing shall mar your surface, and it shall be smooth and whole. ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/why-I-write-things-down ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ why can't I remember? did I promise to forget? I know I swore I'd remember I rehearsed it in my head so many times I attached it to nearby memories objects, tastes, smells, touch I thought of the context, how it made so much sense I thought of it from different perspectives, to make sure I went over it fresh ... I still can't remember. What was I remembering about again? I can't remember! I remember driving down the highway, thinking something, and then slowly watching my memories of what I had just thought wither away, like they were being pulled apart like strands of string cheese. I had the thought, I said it once in my mind, never out loud and it just... blew away. why can't I remember? why can't I be at the right time and place? ... am I g ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ -> file: notes/my-main-problem-with-it ══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════─ the main problem I have is that I can't tell when something is a psyop so I usually just... glide past please, give me real emotion! real meaning! no such thing says the pessimist, it's all around you says the optimist it's all around you says the pessimist well aren't you a downer says the optimist changing the subject means you can't win says the pessimist the problem changed to your bad attitude when you kept talking says the optimist I want to change says the pessimist You are changing says the optimist ... okay... I'll have faith or whatever... "I'll be here when you need me and also the doorbell's broken because sometimes it electrocutes me" if you can't get someone who even tangentially knows me to invite me, then I'm probably not going. Sometimes I show up on my own when nobody's there. Also sometimes when I'm invited for some reason I can't go? Like... whatever... ... killin' time I guess. /shrug ┌─────────┐ ┌───────────┐ │ similar │ │ different │ ╘═════════╧═══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════╧═══════════┘ |